#and she's baffled by the spoils in the big breakfast

[agent-calivide]

So- normally this blog is exclusively for IEYTD content- but I think I'm gonna shift to just be my interests, because there is one thing that I'm absolutely feral about and desperately need to scream into the void over.

Discussion surrounding the 2004 film Barbie Princess and the Pauper makes me irrationally angry.

Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper is a surprisingly decent film for being made purely to shill doll, with music that's absolutely gorgeous and a story that's a bit less dark than the original novel it's parodying.

A brief summary for those who don’t know- though if my YouTube recommended’s anything to go by Barbie is taking over the collective hivemind of nostalgia at the moment- Barbie Princess and the Pauper is the story of two young women, Anneliese and Erica, living two completely separate lives, one being a princess and one being a pauper. The twist, however, is that they were completely identical, save for their hair and a shockingly relevant birthmark for only being mentioned twice.

Erica is a poor seamstress who’s worked like a dog by her wicked boss, Madame Carp, trying to pay off her parent’s debts so she can pursue life as a singer. Truly, the best rep for anyone who’s suffered through retail with a shitty boss. Annelise meanwhile, is a princess who spends her days being lavishly spoiled as a princess typically would, but she doesn’t want to be spoiled. On the contrary, she would rather spend her day studying than getting her feet massaged and faffing about. At least- that’s what the song “I am a girl like you” and most of the fandom would have you believe.

In the song “I am a girl like you", we start with Annelise and Erica meeting, Annelise saying that she’s not looking forward to marrying this king and Erica responding with “At least you’re not an indentured servant”. Annelise asks for elaboration, and the song starts. Erica talks about how her mornings start with paying her boss money for a hot breakfast, then having to get up, walk a mile through cold, wet roads just to get the eggs for breakfast and then come back when all she wants to do is sleep in. Once again, relatable. She then looks at Annelise and asks her how her morning starts. Annelise pauses, and is visibly bashful, clearly hesitant to share, but Erica asks her to go on. Then, Annelise tells Erica that if she wants eggs she rings a bell and her maid runs in with breakfast and cookies, and while she eats she gets a foot rub and has live music being played for her, but she doesn’t want to be spoiled and doted on, she wants to be in the library!

If this was the beginning and ending of Annelise’s characterization? I’d get it. If Erica thought Annelise was spoiled, I’d get it. But she doesn’t. On the contrary, Erica hears this rich girl complaining about how she doesn’t like her life but is aware of how good she has it, and chooses to reach out. To say “hey, I can relate to that." “There’s somewhere else we’d rather be, somewhere that’s our, somewhere that dreams come true” If anything, this is a testament to Erica’s empathy, her kindness, and her ability to put herself in someone else’s shoes even when they objectively have it better. Throughout this song Erica will talk about work and Annelise will talk about the lighthearted fun parts of being a princess, but will casually mention how she’s in a position that she doesn’t want. Erica has to walk through the mud every morning for breakfast, Annelise gets it served literally on a silver platter, Erica has to make dresses, Annelise gets to dance around in frilly dresses. But Annelise also mentions that she’d rather be in the library and get to marry who she chooses, not be betrothed for the sake of her kingdom, more on that in a minute.

And time and time again, I see people talk about how Annelise is tone deaf, how she’s complaining about what is, objectively, a better situation. But honestly, I find this stance to be major character assassination, and is one that I’m seeing more and more frequently in regards to Annelise and most other “rich” characters quite frankly. Now, normally I don’t mind opinions like “this character is spoiled and should have more development than just crappy parents” or “it’s bad that they rushed this antagonistic character’s ark so they can have them for the series finale” I think that argument works just fine on the spoiled rich girl archetype, like Pacifica Northwest and Sasha Waybright, but I see a lot of people slapping that sticker onto any character that grew up wealthy regardless if they were an antagonist or not.

I get not liking a character if they’re antagonistic, or relating better to a character who had to work for everything they had. Most of us didn’t grow up as princesses in fancy castles and have been stuck with horrible bosses. I understand why people relate to Erica more, especially as someone who worked at a fabric shop with a crappy manager. But on more than one occasion I’ve seen people take the stance that Annelise’s part in the song “just like you” is insensitive and Erica should’ve shouted at Annelise, reminded her of her privilege, “laid the verbal smackdown on her and show her how hard it was being a peasant” before quickly following it up with a “I was just kidding!” when anyone calls out that Annelise isn’t a one dimensional privileged white girl. And if that was the only context we got of Annelise, I’d understand where it came from.

But if we look at Annelise throughout the course of the whole movie, that’s not true at all, quite the opposite. Our first scene we get of Annelise is her, getting fitted for a wedding gown to marry a man she doesn’t want to be with while a servant is fretting over her schedule for the day. That doesn’t sound like the typical Disney princess who gets to spend her days doing whatever she wants post-coronation. This is an actual princess, with real responsibilities. She has to give speeches, attend meetings, speak with upper class societies, and all she wants, the first thing she says in the introduction song “Free”, is “all my life I’ve always wanted to have one day just for me, nothing to do and for once nowhere I need to be”.

While she is bemoaning to herself, she’s not exactly fighting her scheduler on this either. She doesn’t complain, she doesn’t fight back, no quips or whining or witty banter, she simply accepts that she has to do what is told and dreams of a world where she doesn’t have to do all that. And that’s the big point that I see a lot of people ignoring. She is absolutely busting her ass every day, in and out, doing as told and not getting a second to breathe.

Let’s look at the one day we see that is truly just Annelise in her environment. She is getting a fitting for a wedding dress to marry some king while the royal scheduler tells her she has to give a speech at the Historical Society, then has to rush over to a Horticultural Society Tea, then has Math lessons, Geography lessons, and presumably much more after if we’re basing it off the massive to-do list of parchment we see. As someone who survived the public education system, the thought of giving a speech, going to a high pressure lunch that’s basically a work meeting, then having to do a full day of school after that makes me want to simply wither away and cry. She’s not sitting around, looking pretty and riding horses all day. She has responsibilities, duties, commitments to her mother and her kingdom.

We then cut to Erica, who shares much of the same sentiment. “All my life I’ve always wanted to have one day for myself, not waking up with a pile of work on every shelf” before singing about all the work she has to do as a low-class seamstress. This is what we’d expect from the pauper side of things. Erica works hard to earn a living at a small seamstress shop and wishes she could be doing something more with her life. This is when Madame Carp walks in and we see a glint of Erica’s personality. She’s spunky, she talks back, she calls Madame Carp’s dress shop a debtor’s prison to her face and argues about her parent’s debts. While she is committed to paying back her parent’s debts, she’s not taking it lying down, and that is a fundamental difference between Annelise and Erica.

While Erica will see a problem and call out that it really sucks, Annelise will look at a problem and simply accept that she has to fix it with little more than a comment to herself. Both of these girls are dreaming about freedom, but Erica is fighting for her freedom while to Annelise, it’s little more than a fantasy.

And that includes the freedom to marry whom she chooses. And this is when we see just how far Annelise will go to please her mother, as she looks out and sees the love of her life, her tutor, Julian. Julian is implied to be a good friend who’s been her teacher for a long while, and he feeds her passions. He teaches her, he encourages her to learn, he is one of the few people in her life who feels joy in Annelise’s happiness. Because, truly, when we see the way she interacts with the other servants and maids, she doesn’t have many friends. She doesn’t have anyone to talk to about her grievances, her lack of freedom, any of it. All she has is Julian, and she likely will lose him in the marriage to King Dominick. He's already calling her "your highness" like an authority figure rather and Annelise, his friend, and she hasn't even met the king yet.

She can’t even have her fantasy to marry Julian, as it’s quickly interrupted by her mother cutting her off and saying “I’m so sorry my darling, but as you know, it is vital you marry king Dominick. It is the only way to take care of our people”. And Annelise just accepts this. She just goes “yeah, I know, I have to do this for the kingdom” and pushes her fantasies away. And the very next line is Annelise talking about how she knows she’s lucky, she knows she’s privileged to have all of this nice stuff, this nice life, but is quickly realizing that every present comes with strings. While she may get to have a lavish life, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

We then see Erica, who’s talking about how while she doesn’t have nice things, she has spirit, determination, and she will achieve her dreams no matter what. This song truly establishes just how different the girls are, specifically in regards to their challenges and the obstacles they encounter. Erica, though currently trapped by her parents' debts at Madam Carp’s, has a fire, a will, a determination. She, though in debt as a pauper, isn’t willing to give up on her goal and aspirations of being a professional singer.

Annelise meanwhile, could have resources. She could reach out and get help, or run away with Julian, or do something to get out of her situation, but she refuses to. She can’t get past this mental barrier of duty and responsibility, and even while downright miserable, she won’t complain and won’t voice her needs. But the kicker is truly in the bridge of Free. Erica says “Soon I will forever be free” while Annelise says “Now I fear I’ll never be free” Erica is damn near counting the days, she’s looking at freedom as an inevitability, something that she will be getting soon. Annelise knows and accepts that freedom simply isn’t in the cards for her. In the end, both girls dream of leaving their situations, but they both decide to stay in their respective positions for the good of those around them. They both are committed to their duties, but Erica’s duty will hopefully finish in the near future, while Annelise’s duty is her entire life.

Later in the film, Erica takes Annelise’s place at the castle as Annelise has been kidnapped by Priminger and Julian needs someone to pretend to be the princess so the king doesn’t leave. In “To be a princess” he proceeds to educate Erica on a lot of aspects of being a princess. This pertains but is not limited to: be charming but detached and yet amused, do keep a grip and never crack, always look your best, never get to rest, never show dismay, be there when people call, and never show a thing you feel inside. With lessons like that, it’s no wonder that Annelise feels an absolute commitment to being a princess and never has a day to herself. Everything and everyone around her, including her best friend, says that she’s not allowed to feel, to breathe, to relax. She always has to be alert, aware, she has to have a thought and a response for every single possible comment and retort. And when Erica’s taught all this, it’s painted as overwhelming to learn, but imagine that being every day of your life for every week of every month of every year. That sounds absolutely crushing. Erica at least gets to let off some steam. She snaps at Madame Carp, she jokes with Bertie, she sneaks out to town square and sings. She has outlets away from work that Annelise simply does not have.

Okay, so Annelise is completely committed to her job as a princess, big whoop. She still is filthy stinking rich and royals were married to people they didn’t like all the time, she still is incredibly privileged. Maybe so, however, there’s more to this marriage than just some sort of uniting of kingdoms or prior arrangement. The reason that she’s getting married to Dominick is the kingdom has fallen bankrupt. Why has it gone bankrupt? Has the queen spent an egregious amount of money on castles? Was the king a warmonger who put all their funds into their armies? Does princess Annelise have a penchant for expensive travel and one of a kind crowns?

No.

The kingdom is bankrupt because the queen’s advisor has mined their mines dry of gold in hopes of taking over the kingdom. With no gold coming in, there was nothing to exchange, and the queen had to fix the problem before it started to hurt her people more than it already has. Her solution? The only one. Marry Annelise off to the nearest wealthy suitor and hope that it injects money into their economy.

The royals of this kingdom did nothing wrong, other than letting an evil man have so much access to power, which I don’t think any of us have the right to judge. If anything, the only one who’s privileged and trying to take advantage of it is the royal advisor Preminger. He talks about how he’s scraped by for years to climb the ranks and deserves to be a king, but in that same vein he doesn’t care about the kingdom, the people who are affected by his decisions. He’s so hellbent on becoming king, he doesn’t think about the fact that for all intents and purposes, he’s made it. He’s wealthy, absurdly so unlike Erica, but he’s also not a royal and thus has no duties to do any work he doesn’t feel like it, able to disappear for weeks on end and not have anyone on his back unlike Annelise. He has everything the girls want, but it’s not enough for him. He wants more.

Annelise meanwhile, is very aware of her privilege as a princess and tries to relate to those around her, even if she’s a bit unsuccessful at it. Before Annelise meets King Dominick, Julian decides that, as her friend, he thinks she needs some air. To get out of this stuffy castle and go see the kingdom as a normal girl before she loses it all. So, he gets her a cloak and takes her down to the nearby village, and here we can really see that she’s aware of her privileges when she’s outside of the castle.

As she and Julien walk around the town she asks him which house is his and he says “more of a room really, we couldn’t afford a house.” and immediately Annelise feels guilty, backtracking and starting to apologize for assuming he had a house. She doesn’t look at him in confusion or make fun of him for not having a house to himself, she instantly realizes that she was “in the wrong” to assume and tries to apologize for being presumptuous or assuming he was wealthier than he was. But Julien doesn’t laugh at her, doesn’t scoff, doesn’t tell her to “check her privilege”. He simply gives her a small smile and says “I know”. He assures her that, as his friend, she didn’t cause offense, he’s aware that she simply didn’t know he was in that bad of a financial situation growing up. He simply laughs it off then carries on with the conversation.

And this entire next section is Julien just being the absolute best. He engages with her interests, he gets Annelise her favorite flower, he calls the flower by its (fake) scientific name as he hands it off to her and he knows that it’s her favorite and that she'd appreciate him talking about science with her. He’s simply engaging with her as a mutual, a friend, and shows interest in her- well- interests. She gets to happily indulge in fantasy for a moment, but it’s quickly ripped away as she looks around the market and notices that the kingdom’s bankruptcy is already setting in. Shops are getting boarded up, families are being forced to leave, and she’s reminded that she has to get married to King Dominick for their sake. And she is visibly saddened by this. Not that she has to marry Dominick, but that her people are suffering over something that she and her mother couldn’t have possibly prevented.

Her train of thought gets interrupted by Erica singing in town square, Erica having snuck out from work to sing in the town square for coin, and she is doing a damn good job. We see she earns a decent amount of money for just singing on the road. People gather around Erica and listen to her song, she gives a sense of hope, she is pursuing her own freedom and people are enjoying it. Erica once again gets a reminder that her dream of freedom is not only soon, but achievable. It’s in reach, it’s not a completely absurd notion like Annelise's freedom. This is quickly interrupted by Madame Carp stepping in and yelling at Erica for leaving work, stealing her hard earned money and telling her to get back to work- which on one hand, bitch. On the other, Erica leaving work in the middle of the day to sing in town square is… a choice.

But, regardless, Erica’s left with nothing and is alone on the street, and who steps in to put coins in her cup after Madame Carp’s left? Annelise! She comes over, gives Erica money, and the two talk for a bit. Erica finds out Annelise is the princess and asks why she’s outside the castle, and Annelise says “I’m savoring my first and last taste of freedom before getting married next week… to a total stranger.”

Note that she didn’t say “I’m getting a breather” or “I'm taking a break”. She said “I’m getting my first and last taste of freedom before getting married NEXT. WEEK. She has never, ever, ever gotten a day off, taken a break, gotten to truly rest and get a breather. Us viewers? We get weekends, holidays, a day off on occasion, but Annelise doesn’t. She doesn’t get a moment’s rest because her life is her job. She’s never even been outside the castle walls until this day! Her whole life has been work and has been dedicated to her kingdom, to her mother’s expectations. While yes she is definitely more privileged than Erica, it’s not fun and games. If anything, it’s a 24/7, 365 job, every day of the year. And then this happens. “At least you’re not an indentured servant”

This. This one line. Drives. Me. Insane. And I think this line primes people to take the stance that Annelise is simply spoiled. Just because your arm is broken, doesn’t mean my sprained ankle doesn’t hurt.

This is when “Girl like you” starts, and this is also what most people use as reference to say Annelise is spoiled and tone deaf. Because here’s the thing, Annelise never says she has it bad, she never claims that her life sucks. And when Erica tells her her morning routine, Annelise is visibly apprehensive to share her morning routine, because she is aware that it’s rather tone deaf to say that her life sucks because she’s marrying some guy she doesn’t know after hearing how Erica’s morning starts every. Single. Day. She clearly knows how absurd it is to complain, most likely because she’s friends with Julian, who seems to have also been a pauper before getting hired to tutor Annelise. But Erica presses so she folds and shares her morning routine and actively chooses to complain about something little, almost diminishing her misery in a way. Like “Oh, haha, yeah my morning’s pretty good, but I just want to do what I want to do for once rather than follow my mother’s schedule- but it’s fine! I’m fine!” And that is why it’s so important for Erica to reach out first and say “I’m just like you, you’re just like me”

Because it’s not just about reading science books. It’s Annelise wanting to rest, to pursue her interests, not the interests of her mother or her kingdom. Erica sees right through Annalise’s act and finds solidarity in it. She opens up about how miserable it is working at Madame Carp’s and Annalise, excited that she can actually carry this conversation, happily talks about how she loves Madame Carp’s dresses.

This is the other point I see a lot of people reference, as Erica talks about how abusive Madame Carp is and Annelise cuts in to say she loves the dresses that wicked woman sells. This, honestly, is just a mood to me. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve been excited to carry on a conversation, only to immediately put my foot in my mouth as I realize I misread the tone. But once again, rather than Erica getting snobby, going “Did you not hear me? I just called it a penitentiary.” She simply smiles at the naïve princess and tells her she made the dress the princess was wearing.

Annelise proceeds to compliment her work, praise it for its detailing, and the two continue to talk, Erica talking bout how she has little issue with making dresses while Annelise has fun wearing them, and the two actually talk about her getting to “imagine life without the strife of an unfamiliar groom”.

Erica recognizes that Annelise’s situation, though much more comfortable than hers, absolutely sucks. That all of those privileges come at a cost and honestly questions if they’re worth it. And then Annelise proceeds to say “but I’d never let my mother know, I wouldn’t want to disappoint her!”

Once again, Annelise is not only diminishing her needs and putting her happiness aside for her mother’s happiness, but she shows that all of her issues are mental blocks. Social pressures that have been put on her from her life being raised as a princess. She’s not singing on a corner for pennies, but she also isn’t allowed to pursue her own happiness. She’s a tool, not a person.

And after these two talk and bond and get to know each other, what happens? Annelise uses her privilege to help Erica. She tells Erica “hey, I love your singing, I want you to perform at the castle, I’ll send someone to bring you up to the castle and perform”

This offer would be life changing for Erica. Having Erica come up to the castle, perform, and probably get paid quite a handsome sum for it? To a seamstress and street singer like Erica, that could literally get her out of debt and onto stage that much sooner. Annelise, rather than going “oh, she’s poor, I don’t want to be seen with her” like a stereotypical rich girl archetype says “Come, sing for us, you’re talented and I want to share your gift with others”. And Erica is rightfully ecstatic at that offer, and is over the moon when Annelise says she’ll send someone to get her.

Later, due to plot purposes, Annelise and Erica get mixed up, Anneilse stuck in the streets and Erica up in the castle. Annelise, in a moment of desperation, goes to Madame Carp’s dress emporium for shelter. The problem? Madame Carp thinks Annelise is Erica, and locks her in the back of the shop with the other seamstress, Bertie. While Bertie does think it’s Erica at first, Annelise tells Bertie the whole story (presumably) and proceeds to do exactly as instructed. She doesn’t throw a fit or refuse to help, she sits down, grabs a needle, and gets to work. Sloppy work, but work nonetheless. Even when Bertie tells Annelise that she doesn’t have to work on the dresses, she insists on helping. She doesn’t once say “I’m a princess, I shouldn’t be doing this” she simply accepts that this is her work now and adds it onto her plate. Even when she’s not in the castle, she thinks it’s her job to take on work that she’s assigned, and while it’s painted as a moment of empathy and kindness, Annelise is shown to put her desires as the very last thing to prioritize.

Eventually she’s released from Madam Carp’s by Preminger and he immediately locks her in a mine shaft and tries to murder her and Julian. Yes, he’s gone full blown Disney villain and locks the two away in a mineshaft then causes a cave in. Annelise and Julian are locked in a shaft in a caved in mine. Can I say this one more time: Annelise and Julian are buried alive in a m i n e. Most people in this situation would be panicking, crying, generally reacting distressed, we can see Julian sure as hell is, as he grabs a pick and immediately tries to dig himself and Annelise out. What is Annelise doing during all of this? Staying calm, comforting Julian, and finding her kingdom’s solution to bankruptcy.

Say what you will about how “it’s just a movie” but I know that were I trapped in a caved in mine, my mind would not be on how to fix a problem that looked like it wasn’t gonna be my issue very, very soon. But not only does Annelise use the rock as a touching analogy to make Julian feel better about himself, she keeps the crystals in mind and when they escape the mine collapse- due to cat shenaniganry- and informs her mother of them to solve the kingdom’s gold issues.

Here, Annelise once again is solving a problem that she didn’t even cause to get her happily ever after. She is truly doing all of the work on this school project, and people are digging at how she was raised in a fancy castle rather than acknowledging that Annelise did a lot of hard work. One video I saw was someone talking about how if they were Erika they would’ve stayed in Annelise’s position to “earn that bag” and make some actual changes to improve the kingdom, but Annelise does make changes to help the kingdom!

She finds a new export, saves her kingdom’s market from completely crashing, helps revitalize the economy, and because of all of that people can move back home and re-open their shops! We don’t know much about how this kingdom is run, but we do know that the royalty feel a duty to help their people, to do what is best for the masses regardless of how much they don’t want to do it. This isn’t like the modern day one percent where people tear down historical sites to make room for their mega yachts. The reason Annelise and the Queen are rich is they are the government. They are a monarchy. We don’t see any massive balls or galas like we do in Island Princess or Cinderella, they’re not just throwing money around for the amusement of it.

They’re bankrupt because their mines ran dry, and they managed to save their kingdom by finding a new export. “Why don’t they use their own money to help people if they’re so fabulously wealthy?” While that idea could be a good bandaid, eventually that money would also run out and then not only would the kingdom be bankrupt, but there’d be no incentive for any nearby kingdoms to marry Annelise because she’d be a poor princess to a broke kingdom that would offer effectively no benefits to any allyship. The best, and most to the point plan that the queen comes up with is to marry her daughter off so her kingdom would get an injection of money as soon as possible, because they effectively had no other solutions. They didn’t know about the crystal mines, and they didn’t know Preminger was fabulously wealthy. The only solution was to make themselves look good, like a viable, healthy(ish) kingdom and hope that Dominick would accept the proposal and save their kingdom.

And that leads me to Dominick. Dominick, unlike Annelise, doesn’t use his privilege to help anyone other than himself and Erica. And even then, that privilege mostly amounts to him getting to do what he wants. While Annelise simply accepts that she has to marry this king, Dominick goes out of his way to disguise himself as a page boy so he could get to know Annelise before agreeing to anything. Dominick preemptively gives himself an out and chooses to test Annelise, while Annelise has to take the hand she’s given and not complain. In all of this, Annelise isn’t the one with a choice, ever. Her mother chooses to marry her off, her mother chooses king Dominick, Dominick chooses to disguise himself, and then Preminger chooses to kidnap her so she can’t marry Dominick. She has no agency in her life.

The only reason Dominick reveals himself to Erica (who is pretending to be Annelise at the moment so the marriage to save the kingdom doesn’t get called off) is because he thinks Annelise ran away because she didn’t want to marry a stranger. But he still is the one with the agency, and he only reveals his true self when he thinks that Annelise acted on her own behalf.

So Annelies isn’t allowed to have her own agency, but is spoiled because she’s rich, meanwhile Dominick is a king who practices his own agency regularly throughout the movie and he is rarely if ever criticized for it. He gets to meet Erica, fall in love with her, he gets to choose her, and when Erica is revealed to be a pauper and thrown in the dungeon he gets to use a suit of armor to sneak in and get her out of the prison safely. While I don’t think he got permission to break her out, he still was allowed to use his resources to go back to Annelise’s castle and get a suit of armor to sneak into the dungeon and break Erica out.

No one else in this film would’ve had access to resources like that other than maybe Annelise, and yet I don’t see anyone saying that Erica should check King Dominick’s privilege and lecture him on how he was lucky that he was allowed to get have the money to be a king and access to a suit of armor to sneak into the dungeons and save her from probably a death sentence. In this situation, Dominick is purely using his privileges for himself. Yes, he saves Erica, but at this point he’s also in love with her, and he’s saving her not just because she’s a good person, but because he’s fallen in love with her and doesn’t want to lose her.

When she’s accused of killing Annelise, he is distraught. He doesn’t believe it, he can’t fathom that this sweet young lady that he’s spent the week with would do something so horrid. That is why he saves her. Not because of some sense of justice, it’s because he’s smitten with her. Yes, he uses his privilege to help someone in a worse position than him, but according to people who are criticizing Annelise, that’s not enough. Especially when it’s a decision made out of self interest.

At the end of the film, Annelise and Dominick both help Erica with her situation. The royal family, having found out that Madame Carp’s business is corrupt at best, stops purchasing from her and she goes out of business. I can already hear people saying “The family shouldn’t have been buying dresses from Madame Carp in the first place! She’s vindictive and cruel to her workers!” and to that I raise you: How many beauty influencers and brands these days do something sketchy, and it’s later revealed that they were a horrible person or a bad corporation?

My first thought, as someone who wears alternative fashion, is DollsKill. I can admit that I’ve purchased things off of their website before I found out how unethical they are. Should I have done more research? Yes. And I don’t shop with them any more because of it. But if I, and many other people, were able to make that mistake in the year of 2023 with access to infinite information on the internet, then it’s easy to see how someone in the 1700’s could’ve made the same folly.

Especially since Madame Carp doesn’t exactly go around bragging that she abuses her seamstresses. We know that Annelise never met Madame Carp before the film, as Madame Carp claims she’s the princess’s “close personal friend” while actively calling Annelise "Erica" and refusing to believe it’s actually the princess in her boutique. Realistically, Annelise and the queen likely don’t even go shopping, they probably have a servant go into the market, buy a few gowns for upcoming events, and only know the gowns by their brands.

I do wonder what happened to Bertie after all of this, but she seems pretty happy that Madame Carp has to leave, so perhaps she has a backup plan or some sort of safety net. Maybe she was also in debt to Madame Carp and was just looking forward to paying off her debts before starting her own dress emporium, we don’t really know. Either way, the dress shop closing gives Erica the freedom to pursue her music career that she was being held back from and she does so. But that still leaves our boy Dominick. He talks to Erica, tries to convince her to stay with him, but she tells him that her dream is to travel and sing. He does eventually acquiesce and gives her an engagement ring, telling her that it was for her anyways, and that it wasn’t a promise nor pressure, simply a gift. In the end, after performing for a long while, Erica decides that she wants to be with Dominick and travels to his kingdom to marry him.

I think that Annelise and Dominick are both good people for being Monarchs that put the interest of those around them before themselves. But for some reason, Annelise is held to a much higher standard than Dominick, even when she makes very human mistakes. They both are raised as royalty, King Dominick likely even more so as he’s king of a wealthy kingdom, but he is never put under the same scrutiny as Annelise. Sure, he never claims to relate to Julian, but Annelise never claimed to relate to Erica until she suggested it.

And Annelise’s privileges aren’t always a good thing. I feel like people neglect the whole section of the story where she was kidnapped and held prisoner because of her mother’s advisor. Not figuratively, literally. Taken from her home and locked in a random cabin because Preminger wanted to be king and figured that kidnapping her was the wisest choice rather than just advising the queen to not marry her off. Annelise is actively put in danger and harm’s way because of her status.

Honestly, Annelise really gets the shaft, full pun intended, in the second half of the film, a lot of time being spent on Erica and King Dominick’s relationship. Despite being The Princess and the Pauper, Annelise’s story is really the B plot to Erica’s love story. This makes sense, after all, she spends a lot of time just kidnapped and locked in various rooms, but in a weird way this just shows yet again that she has no autonomy even in her own story. And yet, she’s the one who’s scorned for being spoiled.

��Well, she is spoiled. She had a roof over her head and warm food and we see how Erika is baffled at the spoils when she’s a princess” But I'm gonna say something that's likely gonna get the pitchforks out: Money doesn't buy happiness. Before anyone hits me with a “I’d rather cry in a bugatti than a gutter”, let me explain.

The phrase “money can’t buy happiness” has two very different interpretations, and I find that both sides refuse to listen to the other even though both have valid arguments. There’s the stance that it can buy happiness, as money provides all sorts of things. On the surface, it’s shallow things, jewelry, gaming consoles, toys, fashion, knick knacks and trinkets that provide short term serotonin by buying something that you really want. But dig a bit deeper, and it gives more than that. Money is stability, shelter, food, water. It’s hard to be happy if you can’t have those things. To further elaborate, if you’re in a bad enough position that you can’t afford to heat your home, or buy a meal, or get clean drinking water, being able to afford that, either by your own means or by having someone else get it for you, is something that can’t be put into a monetary value- even if it literally is given a price. Getting to have access to water, shelter, knowing that you’ll have food in the morning, that’s something that you likely won’t understand the value of if you’ve always had it. Money may not buy literal happiness, but it provides security, and that security can lead to happiness.

Then there’s the argument that it can’t buy happiness, and people who have this opinion usually aren’t wondering where their next meal will be coming from or if they can pay rent this month. This stance is usually painted as privileged and spoiled because “well, you can say that because you’ve never had to worry about paying to survive”, but in my experience it’s quite the contrary. Most people I’ve met who say “money can’t buy happiness” usually include a caveat that if someone is in a position where they can’t afford food or shelter then of course money buys happiness. Stability is the foundation of comfort and comfort leads to happiness. No one is saying that someone’s ridiculous for being happy they can afford to live. And if you have seen that stance, then I'm sorry humans just suck.

Rather, “money can’t buy happiness” means that material objects cannot replace emotional intimacy or support. Surface level items have short-term pleasure that cannot be sustainable as the happiness lasts less and less with each material object. And this feeling of dissatisfaction only increases the more things you get. This is especially true when it comes to gifts. While gift giving is a valid love language, the whole point of it is giving or receiving items that have sentimental value more than monetary value. A pebble that’s their favorite color means way more than a PS5 when they exclusively use Nintendo products.

But when you don’t have a support system, healthy relationships, and the people you do have around you try to replace emotional intimacy with shallow gifts that don’t amount to anything, you find yourself downright miserable. Most people that I’ve met that have the stance that money can’t buy happiness tend to reach that conclusion after a guardian figure causes intense emotional distress or neglect then tries to purchase love with a shallow but expensive gift. It’s not that money can’t provide you with things that make you happy, it’s that money can’t provide emotional intimacy or a genuine support system.

If anything, Princess and the Pauper is the perfect allegory for this phrase, as Erica, though poor and struggling to get by, has emotional support in Bertie, her singing, her dreams. But, she doesn’t have access to security, stability, physical comforts, and is blocked from pursuing her goals because of external factors. Annelise meanwhile, is in a position of comfort and stability, but doesn’t have any emotional support nor outlets, her only friend being her teacher and her mother having a strict regime for her to follow regardless of her desires while being surrounded by luxurious gifts from other royalty that are ultimately empty gestures.

All of this to say, while Annelise is a princess who lives with the privileges of being a rich, upper class girl with access to many things that Erica could only dream of, her life isn’t one of luxury and spoils. She doesn’t get to indulge in her pleasures and can only appreciate things on a surface level because that is all she has time for. I don’t think most of the people who criticize Annelise could actually handle her schedule every day of every month of every year. She’s not some Disney princess who’s only job is to be pretty and interesting for the male love interest, she has duty. Responsibility. A full time job that dictates her sleep schedule.

She’s not unaware of her privileges and if anything is always using them to help everyone else, and at the end of the film she still doesn’t get that freedom that she’s searching for. She invites a pauper to sing at the castle, she tries to find solutions to the kingdom’s bankruptcy for her people, she goes out of her way to help when she can, and she’s not completely insensitive to the struggles of her friends. Even when she’s supposed to be taking a break, or is in a dire situation, she’s still constantly thinking of how to help others first.

Yes, she gets to marry Julian, but she’s still a princess and still likely follows her royal schedule to a T. While Erica got to learn what it’s like to be a princess, got to pursue her music, and got to marry King Dominick, becoming a princess herself, Annelise’s conclusion is ultimately that she managed to solve the kingdom’s bankruptcy so she could marry whom she chooses and then proceeds to fall back into the same routine of fixing everything for everyone else. She only gets freedom in one aspect, and we never see her actually get a day to herself, a day to relax. The only “relaxation” we see happening is with Erica while she spends time with Dominick, and that week likely was going to be Annelise’s only break before the marriage. So even after saving the day, Annelise still doesn’t get what she wants, and yet supposedly she’s spoiled rotten.

Truly, she does do what she says in the first song Free. “I’ll remain forever royal… Duty means doing the things your heart may well regret.” Erica never actually repays her parent’s debts, Madame Carp goes out of business and Erica gets let off the hook probably because she has two very powerful royals on her side. And this once again is Annelise using her privileges to help those who don't have the same as her by choosing to not support a business that is bad for its workers.

Erica gets released from her servitude early and then gets to chase after her dreams, but Annelise only gets to marry Julian after putting in the work to solve the bankruptcy so she doesn’t have to marry some other rich king that isn’t the one who fell for her best friend.

[toomuchracket]

thinking of d-word Christmas cabin trip with baby Amy in a snow suit (specifically picturing baby Maggie from the simpsons star snow suit)

p.s this may not work time line wise I do not know when she was born 💔

lyla is d word baby girl but oh my GOD i love this so much the star snow suit in the simpsons makes me weepy fr. and the timeline works!! she'll be 7 months old in december, and the trip to the cabin is her first proper little holiday - matty suggests that the three of you (and mayhem) go the week before christmas, because it's been a busy year (tour/baby being born/you literally helping launch a record label imprint) and christmas with your families is going to be insane with everyone spoiling lyla, so it'll do you all some good to get away. not that you go far, i think actually you end up driving to stay in a lodge in the lake district, because you think the baby is "just a TEENSY bit too little to take to lapland, matty. we want her to remember it, yeah?"; it's lovely, though, the place you end up in, quiet and cosy and beautiful, with lots of space for lyla to practice her crawling (she's so close to getting the hang of it!!). the days are spent slowly, mornings full of baby cuddles and making elaborate breakfasts, taking your time to get ready before going for a long walk in the snow - lyla has an array of adorable snowsuits that you and matty are actually obsessed with, including a replica of maggie's star one from the simpsons that honest to god makes him cry more than the literal baby lmfao, and her little face when she saw snow falling for the first time was the actual funniest thing ever. she liked it, in the end, but there was a LOT of confusion initially; matty got the whole thing on video, her frowning at the white flakes and looking baffled when you showed her how to catch one and watch it melt on her little mittens, and when i tell you it went platinum in the family groupchat AND the band groupchat... yeah. it's also so apparent that your daughter genuinely just stole your whole face, on this trip, because she's always got a little beanie hat on and you can't see healy hair - like, your insta is private, for friends and family only, and when you post a cute pic of you and lyla that matty took the comments are just "oh my god she's YOU" and george being like "i'm high and this is scaring me. why is there a big you and a little you" lmfao. even matty posts a pic of lyla on main feed, actually; not with her face in, of course, but a selfie where she's fast asleep on his chest in another adorable outfit (christmas onesie) and you're asleep snuggled into his neck, captioned "being cutest baby ever and hottest mum ever is exhausting apparently. fit dads are a bit better at staying awake though" lol he's so weird. but yeah, lots of long walks and pub lunches and group hugs watching christmas films and playing fetch with the dog, the perfect quiet getaway before you go to denise's for christmas. lovely <3

[zzoomacroom]

Retired Dream prequel please?🌟🌟🌟

Thank you for the ask! This will just be a fluffy, hurt-comforty (but surprisingly not smutty) one shot set several years before the beginning of Rain Is Coming Down.

Dream faces the Kindly Ones, dies, and Death resurrects him as an immortal human and brings him to Hob. Dream is pretty tired after all that, so he immediately crashes on the couch while Hob and Death talk. Death blows Hob's mind with some truly world-shattering revelations, and then she has to leave but promises she'll check in when Dream has recovered a bit.

I also wanted to subvert some of the usual retired Dream tropes with this fic. Don't get me wrong, I love sulky depressed retired Dream who doesn't want to be here and has no clue how to be human. But in this au, he and Hob were already together and the retirement was planned in advance, so Dream has been preparing for this and taking How to Human lessons from Hob and Matthew. Still, he did just literally die, so Hob is expecting that he'll be injured and need time to recover and figure out his new human body. So Hob is shocked when he wakes up the next morning to find Dream in the kitchen, apparently attempting to make breakfast with every single ingredient in the fridge. Hob is like "whoa, babe, what are you doing?" And Dream is like "🙄 duh, I'm making breakfast because apparently I get hungry now and you weren't up yet." And Hob is just kind of baffled and amazed that he's taking to his new life so easily.

There's another big thing that happens in this fic, but I don't want to spoil it, so hopefully I'll be able to write and post this soon!

Ask me about my WIPs

[daddy-chiluc]

My World is Alight by your Gaze

Chapter 1: Dandelion Dreams

Here you go for Non-Ao3 Readers! ^^

TW: Nightmares, blood, mentions of alcohol, depictions/eluding to trauma

—

His skin prickled, hairs rising under the chilling touch of the snow. He knew of this dream. He knew it far too well. A dream of vivid reds and beasts towering over him, his body small and worn out in its futile attempts to fight back. To resist. To resist the abyss that had plagued him, haunted and teased him. He was frustrated. Oh so painfully frustrated. He’s gone through this nightmare so often it’s become a broken record…why it still shook him with fear was beyond him…but he hated it.

The plaint wooden sword in his hands had given him splinters, the wood chipping under his tight grasp, as he slashed at the darkness that shrouded him, the snow doing little to support his momentum. His throat was sore as his tears froze to his cheeks, fingers numbing under the harsh bite of the cold. Crying seemed to stumble him far worse than any monster that had approached him. It confused him. Made him uneasy.

Snezhnaya does not believe in tears he reprimanded as he drowned his fear with the palms of his hands, thrashing and slicing at the darkness until it dissolved into the vast, pure white expanse of snow and trees. He repeated the mantra as a reminder, body shaky as a violent blizzard rushed at him, the wind howling in his ears. With chapped lips, bloodied and numb from the freezing winds, he wiped at his nose, the skin raw from it running. He had finally won. He could feel a gentle shake run through him, the wave of contact quickly growing in force as he darted awake.

“Tartaglia?” Right, Aether. Memories of yesterday’s adventure came rushing to him all too quickly. Flashes of water and blood tainting his mind, “Are you aright? You started to groan in your sleep.”

“Ah, apologies comrade,” he grunted, muscles and limbs sore from yesterday’s brief battle as his wounds began to sting under the bandages. The rest of Aether’s party — Beidou and Klee — began to stir awake at the smell of Aether’s perfected breakfast sandwiches. Had it not been for this reoccurring nightmare, he wouldn’t have a problem eating the Mondstadt delicacy as he had cooked them often, favoring the more comfortable taste over something more refined.

“As much as I appreciate you cooking breakfast, I’m afraid I’ll have to decline.” He sighed, getting up from the makeshift bed, the grass being the only cushioning he had over the night. His companions were a tad bit concerned, Klee far too enamored by a yellow butterfly and Beidou not caring for his predicament…after all, he had almost drowned her entire city with her girlfriend. It was only fair she despised him.

Aether simply nodded as he watched his eyes scan over Mondstadt, the cliff they had taken refuge on giving a beautiful view of the nation. The wind had blown by, twisting in his orange locks and dancing merrily along his lashes before a heavy exhale escaped past his lips. The sun started to cook him in his dark clothes, never truly able to get used to the heat even after having left Snezhnaya so long ago. Although, while the Tsaritsa had a certain, almost welcoming place in his heart, he couldn’t help be feel the wind calling to him, enticing him to something greater in the land of freedom.

Freedom. A concept somewhat blurry to him. Blue crystalline eyes growing duller as he tried to recall what it was like…but even the Abyss had taken that from him. Taken away the childish wonder and innocence at such a young age, becoming a savage for survival. Who knows, maybe he’d be fortunate enough to find that wonder in such joyous landscapes of summery green, the faintest smell of fresh grapes teasing his nose.

“I was thinking on taking you and Beidou to a really popular tavern this evening after we drop Klee off to Albedo,” Aether spoke calmly, Beidou perking up at the slightest promise of drinks.

“What kind of drinks?” She spoke swiftly, desperate for beer.

“Their wine is very popular, I’m sure you can ask the bartender for beer though.” His sincerity easing the tension in the party just a bit.

“I might try a glass of wine, see what Ningguang might like and take some back to her after our little crusade,” she chimed, voice still rough with sleep but just as energetic as she was yesterday after being invited to the trek from the land of contracts to the land of freedom.

“Tartaglia?”

“I might entertain it for tonight. Not much of a wine person but I could use a drink.” Maybe the discontentment in his voice gave away whatever had been egging his mind because he felt a small pull on his pant leg to find the little chaos bringer looking up at him with worry, “What’s up Fire Bug?” He smiled, picking her up and holding her over his hip.

“Is big brother Childe okay?” With dandelions fisted and bunched together in her hand, she chatted with him while Aether and Beidou finished packing to close their trip. Maybe his façade had faltered just a tad because her grip on his shoulders tightened ever so slightly.

“Of course Ladybug, why wouldn’t I be?” He hummed as her eyes twinkled with delight, light red eyes glowing brilliantly under the sunlight as an idea came to mind. Delicately, she straightened out the green stems of the flowers in her hand before placing them all throughout his hair, taking time to move every strand and stem with practiced ease — as if she’s done this several times before. Satisfied with her work she grinned, innocent and wide as her eyes closed with her cheeks.

The memory of Childe’s nightmare had long since faded, not wanting this fragile moment to shatter in the rough, calloused palms of his hands. Being with the little firecracker had reminded him of Teucer. Instead of that heavy, sickening feeling of sadness that weighed him down, he imagined what would happen if Klee had met his siblings. He could see them playing in the fields of snow in Snezhnaya, making animals out of snow and snowball fights. Snow angels and snowmen. The cold, harsh empty land suddenly filled with excitement and a childish fun that had warmed the freezing exterior of his heart.

He imagined them rolling in hills and flats of Mondstadt, playing in the wind and dancing happily, uncaring of the Fatui and tyrants of the world. Uncaring of visions and fighting. To simply live in the moment and have fun. To have what he lost at such a young age. To not have to fight for their survival every waking moment. Yes, he’d conquer the world and follow the Tsaritsa to the end of time…but he wouldn’t hesitate to burn the Fatui to the ground. They’d fallen out of her perfect image. Betraying each other left and right. Lying and deceiving every waking moment. If not an enemy then they’d deceive and use a comrade. It was pathetic.

Yet, with Klee in his arms and her pyro vision keeping him warm, he felt alive. He felt happy, a lightness filling his chest as she beamed in his arms. Even if he couldn’t make friends he wouldn’t have a problem stopping by to spoil the little one with toys and gifts. He’d done so with his siblings, and even if she wasn’t of blood, it wouldn’t stop him from giving her sugar and letting her blow up an entire Fatui camp if she felt like it. He was willing to protect her if it was necessary.

“Thank you Klee.” He smiled, it wasn’t sly or mischievous. It hadn’t held any scheme behind the gentle pull of his lips. It was genuine. Filled with warmth and kindness. Klee accepted the gesture happily, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing with vigor, hat squished beneath his chin as they watched the birds fly across the morning sky.

Perhaps her eye had been hallucinating. It would prove to be a problem if it had. A man who nearly killed her partner and the entire city seemed to have a heart after all. Seeing the smile along his face and hold the child so gently made her question him. To Beidou, Childe was an odd figure. He was hard to read, far too many mixed signals to understand which was real and which was fake. After all, he was a Harbinger.

Some part of her however, decided to give him a chance, just for today that is. She wouldn’t let her guard down, but she chose to see what kind of man he actually was rather than letting a title define him. Actions speak far louder than words she told herself, and seeing him be so kind and gentle with the small child made her release a heavy sigh. She could give him a chance, but just for today.

On their journey to Mondstadt, Beidou studied him, watching as he carefully placed a flower back in his hair if one hung loose and carrying Klee on his shoulders the entire walk there, telling her stories and fairytales of all sorts, one of which sounded like Liyue history turned into a children’s tale with bombs for an added effect, keeping her interested. How he came up with such an idea so quickly almost baffled her; and he was supposed to be one of the most feared Harbingers? Maybe she was quick to judge him, but that wouldn’t allow him forgiveness for nearly drowning the harbor. That would take time. If he could explain why she may be able to tolerate him a little more at best.

Unless it’s bullshit. Beidou doesn’t tolerate bullshit. She especially lacks patience when she’s dealing with someone she so heavily detests. So trying to converse with the Harbinger would drive her mad, beyond a doubt. She really hopes this tavern had beer.

—

Let me know if you wish to be tagged in the next chapter!

[juminly]

Chasing The Sun

Summary: The story of how you fell in love with the Devil King’s right hand, Hideyoshi Toyotomi. Tags: Canon-Divergent, Fluff.  *Matchup written for the lovely @kamesama​ , I hope you enjoy your love story with your suitor. 

How on Earth were you able to just sit like that in front of the Devil King? What in the name of the seven heavens and eight hells were you thinking, sitting with your arms crossed and a nonchalant look on your face before the man who was on the quest of ruling all of Japan?

Not only did you suddenly appear in Azuchi, creating a ruckus in the gardens of Lord Nobunaga’s castle, looking for what you called “a cellphone” and “a police station” but you were also giving these grown men a piece of your mind while they looked at you incredulously. 

You obviously thought that you were in some sort of play or the universe was pulling some prank on you. Was there something even called time travel?

After taking in your surroundings, everyone was speaking in Japanese and you were somehow able to understand them and speak the language too. Not perfectly, but enough to get by and find yourself before the man that all of Japan feared the most.

Was this a curse or blessing? You looked around you to find the most heartachingly handsome men that were apparently warlords and they were sitting around you in what they called the Council Room. They were:

Bewildered by what you had to say. So… after much explanation from your end and getting some clarity from the panicked Hideyoshi who had been rambling to his Lord (and dropping lots of hints that helped you get to the conclusion of where and when you were), you claim to be from the future?

Either utterly amused or baffled by your behaviour and demeanour before their Lord.

Nobu’s crimson eyes were locked on you with a faint smirk drawn on his lips, Hideyoshi was obviously mortified and had been silenced by a simple “enough” from his Lord, Mitsuhide was snickering joined by Masamune who was trying to muffle his chuckles and Ieyasu rolling his eyes at them for acting like young boys. Mitsunari though? The angel was looking at you like a cat with big wide curious eyes that just wanted to know (play) with you.

The most impressive thing about the whole situation: you were so composed when facing someone with a commanding presence, not even flinching under his studious and heavy gaze. Nobu couldn’t help but be impressed and thought that you would be entertaining to keep by his side.Same shit, different day when it comes to the Devil King. If something entertained him, he would keep it around until he deemed it of no use to him (or that’s what you would think).

Seeing how unfazed you are and how you met him with a passive gaze that challenged something within him. Nobunaga decided to make a bet with you: become a Sengoku woman within less than a month and he will help you find a way home and back to your time. If you didn’t, then you would have to stay in the Sengoku Era and wed him.

First thought: What the actual….

Second thought: This man did have the power to do something like that. Thinking over your non-existing options, you would just have to agree.

Who would even want to marry a man like him? Nothing about him but his appearance was alluring to you in that moment, even though something inside did tell you that he would be more than able to show you a good time but you just pushed that thought to the back of your mind.

The golden-haired annoying beauty, Hideyoshi dared to open his mouth to protest… and being the mischievous Devil King that he was, Nobu put Hide in charge of you and you were officially under his patronage, tutelage or whatever you wanted to call it but from what you’ve seen, you definitely thought that the Sengoku Era was not for you… and most probably, a big nightmare that you were just waiting to wake up from.

While Hideyoshi and even you wanted to protest (yet again), the man called an end to the meeting and winked at you, wishing you good luck.

You weren’t going to be able to become a Sengoku woman, nor were you interested in becoming one, to be completely honest, but you needed a guide. But... Why… Why did it have to be him?

Living in a mansion with a man as fussy as him was going to be a huge headache. By the way he acted, he seemed to possibly be a clean-freak and the super organized micromanager type about everything in his life. But when you arrived at his mansion, you were surprised to be greeted by a swarm of smiles and simply… so much feel-good vibes.

It was hard to pinpoint it but there was this aura that surrounded the warlord, or more like, the ambience would change when he was around. You noticed it even when you followed him through the streets of Azuchi while on the way to his mansion. However, it was still your first day in Azuchi, you would have more time to figure things out later after you’ve had some much needed sleep.  

He had the maids prepare the second largest room in his castle, with a hot bath and almost a dozen of kimonos, yukatas of all colours for you to choose from. You didn’t need all of this, anything would do but someone was going over and above… For someone who was so reluctant to have you stay with him and was awfully disgruntled about the prospect of you marrying his Lord, you did not expect to have such a warm welcome into what would become your new home.

In order to get things on track and yeet you out of the Sengoku Era as soon as possible, you woke up to the soft knock on your door and the sound of a man clearing his throat. Not only were you greeted by the sight of the gorgeous man entering your room with the rays of sunlight shining through your window making his hair look like actual tresses of gold and his bright smile, making you feel a weird fuzzy feeling in your chest as he set your breakfast tray before you. What did you deserve to be spoiled like this? It honestly felt like you had woken up in a reverse-harem maid cafe that was actually a bed and breakfast hotel?

Your thoughts completely mislead you. Hideyoshi was taking you through a schedule that he had prepared for you in order to get you accustomed to the current times and its needs. It was a rotation where you spent a day with one warlord every day, acquiring whatever knowledge you could from all of them. Medicine with Ieyasu, History with Mitsunari, Culinary Arts with Masamune, Japanese Language and Art of Dance with Mitsuhide, Horse-back riding with Nobunaga. Etiquette with Hideyoshi.

Cue: your first fight. You butted heads and made his life a living hell. As peaceful and respectful as he tried to be during your discussion with him, you argued with him until he lost his breath and his face turned a bright shade of red (that was surprisingly adorable but you didn’t really care for that in that moment) because you wouldn’t let him dictate things for you. It was YOUR way or no way at all. Nobody else had the right to manage your time for you. That was up to you and you alone and you wouldn’t let some beautiful man change that. He had to concede… not for you, but for his own sanity and for Nobu’s sake. That’s what he told himself at least, but you had the first win. The first to many more to come.

After sorting that out, Hideyoshi took it upon himself to take you on a tour around Azuchi, showing you all the best places to get whatever you needed, even introducing you to every single merchant and townsperson wherever you want. How did he even remember the name of all of these people?

He was… the town’s busybody? No. You could not even find the best word to describe how he was because there were way too many words that you could use, but not one of them would be enough. Anyway, let’s get your thoughts back on track. Not only do all the women, young and old, fawn over him but he was so well-loved because of his good deeds.

His objective was only to show you around before conducting your first lesson with him for the day but you were saved by an old lady that owned a cute little teashop who happened to ask him for help. That was weird. How could someone ask something so menial of a warlord?

Upon pulling both you and him by the hand inside her shop, she went on and on about how she loved his company as he reminded her of her son that she had lost in a war. There was this look in the warlord’s eye that didn’t go unnoticed but you just put a mental note on it. It seemed like Hideyoshi felt indebted to her somehow? And you! Well, you were so warm and nice to the teahouse owner that she took a liking to you and began spoiling you with every type of dango and sweet that her teahouse and Azuchi had to offer.

Four words: Sugar overload + sugar rush.

While you were chatting with the teahouse owner, Hideyoshi had been gently giving you instructions on how to sit, how to eat, how to hold different utensils and what gestures to use when people say certain things. He included all these comments so smoothly in the discussion that by the time you were done eating, your lesson had ended. As Hideyoshi announced that, telling you that “you did very well, all the treats you ate were well-deserved”, he gave you a bright smile and winked at you, which totally, totally did nothing to your heart.

He suggested to the teahouse owner if you could fill in, in his place, since you got along pretty well together and the old lady was almost ecstatic, taking you in her arms out of impulse and thanking you for agreeing to help her. Looks like you had no choice.

For a brief moment, Hideyoshi just stared at you before bursting into jolly laughter. You looked like a child so high on sugar, you were basically radiating energy and there was a spring in your step that you didn’t even have before. He took you by the hand and began running, looking back at you and shouting “Faster!! Time is of the essence. We’re going to chase the sun!” What he was saying made absolutely no sense but you found yourself giggling under your breath, running beside him until you reached the stables, he jumped on his steed and pulled you behind him. “Hold me as tight as you can. Don’t worry, I’m not fragile.” he joked as he clicked his tongue and you flew with the wind, beyond the bounds of Azuchi. 

You smiled and looked up at the sky, letting the breeze tickle your skin and your hair flying around you. As you inhaled deeply, you couldn’t help but rejoice in the smell of fresh air and sandalwood… Hideyoshi. So rich and sweet, it made you dreamily sigh without even realizing. When you suddenly came to a stop, Hideyoshi’s warm voice reached your ears and pulled you out of your daydream. He was showing you the sunset as it fell behind Azuchi castle, the colours of dusk blending with the fading flames of the sun that shines over the town that would become your home. 

As you were slowly coming down from your high and before you fell asleep on the warlord’s shoulder, you made him promise you to show you the sunrise and he gladly agreed to do so.

The next few days were quite busy for you. Following the schedule that you had set for yourself, you visited the teahouse of the old lady before your classes with “the warlord of the day”, as you called it. you went to help around the old lady, as Hideyoshi had promised on your behalf and began to understand him more, know even more about him without even having to ask any questions. You were also able to reach your own conclusions, after heaps of townspeople swarmed the old lady’s humble teahouse, talking about their different encounters with the Devil King’s right-hand man. 

The old lady loved him so much, saw so much in him and was so willing to gush about him as if he were her own son. He was charming…. Incredibly and unbelievably so. Just a simple glance at him and people were beaming at him. He came from the lower class, but you had no idea. He had this humility in his smile even though the way he held himself was graceful and his tone, the words that so eloquently spilled out of those lips of his would never indicate that he grew up as anything other than a nobleman (which made you like him even more).

By the end of the week, the teahouse owner no longer was in need of your services since her daughter, who had been sick, was feeling all better and ready to help around. (Hideyoshi didn’t even tell you but your experience in the teahouse was part of your on-ground training and he didn’t even need to give you more lessons, yet he chose to so he could spend more time with you)

After your first round of so-called lessons with all the warlords, Nobunaga held a banquet in your honour, his own questionable way of formalizing the bet and challenge between you. You weren’t entirely sure whether he was mocking you, testing you or just playing mind games with you but that didn’t stop you from having your own fun. As everyone drank themselves into oblivion and upon discovering that you did not indulge in any type of liquid courage, Masamune had dedicated his night to stuffing your mouth with all the delicacies imaginable, sweet, sour, savoury and even bittersweet. The man was a masterchef genius (that Gordon Ramsay would definitely envy and admire but that’s a discussion for another time/day) and didn’t even mind.

In the corner of the room, your eyes reluctantly yet instinctively crawled to cast a quick look on Hideyoshi. A quick glance wouldn’t be enough to appreciate the sight before your eyes. The Adonis of Azuchi was seated languidly like a beautiful courtesan, intoxicated as she nursed her sake while prattling to others in a banquet. His emerald kimono slid down one shoulder, along with his white haori, slowly and teasingly exposing more of his bare skin,  his chest was almost fully on display, his lips glistening with remnants of sake as the inebriant seeped and coursed in his veins. This was an image that you would have trouble getting out of your head, not that you wanted to. He was utterly breathtaking, the way his lashes fluttered over his cheeks, his eyes slowly falling shut then opening lazily as he fought to stay awake.

Whenever one of his retainers came to take him back to his castle, he moaned and refused to let anyone touch him except for you. All the warlords began chuckling as Hideyoshi gladly let you embrace him in your arms, holding him up with the help of his retainers as he mumbled about sweet nothings that made your heart flutter. “Your hair looks so silky and beautiful, Kame… Would you ever let me touch it or maybe even brush it for you? You smell exquisite, not even the cherry blossoms of Kyoto could rival how sweet your scent is…” His face was dusted in pink from the sake but yours turned red for different reasons. You couldn’t wait to plop him down in his room and get away from him. You could no longer feel your face with him being around you.

As the days went by, you found yourself growing more accustomed to your routine and starting to actually like your life in Azuchi. Yeah, there probably wasn’t any technology around but you still managed to occupy yourself most of the time. Thanks to the fussy warlord who spouted so much nonsense when he was drunk.

One night, he was out drinking with the other warlords after a Council Meeting. You had absolutely no idea what it was about but it seemed like things were stirring up in a nearby area and action would have to be taken soon. That was none of your business so you spent the writing while staring up at the moon, the silver light invading your room as you wallowed in the dark pits of your mind.

As he came back from his night out, he tried to sneak, not too sneakily into your room. As he stood before your sliding door, he could hear your muffled sniffles and cries. Acting completely on impulse, Hideyoshi slid the door open, rushing to you, the fear of anything bad befalling you crushing his heart. As he kneeled before you, your cheeks were tinted in a deep shade of red, your eyes puffy as you sobbed helpless. In his drunken state, his eyes darted everywhere to check if you could possibly be injured, but there was no sign of anything.

Even as you protested meekly, Hideyoshi pulled you into his arms, holding your waist tightly and one of his arms around your shoulder, keeping you safe and secure in his embrace, letting your tears dampen his kimono while he caressed your hair softly with one hand, and the other rubbing soothing circles on the small of your back.

“It’s okay if you do not want to tell me what is on your mind. But do you mind if I say a few things myself? Yes? Okay, good. Well… I wanted to let you know that I’m happy that it was you that came from the future and not another young man or woman. I am pleased that a bright woman such as yourself made her way back through time to be with me… I mean with us, in Azuchi. You’re talented and you learn things quickly… only when you put your mind to it, obviously.” That earns a small laugh from both of you. “But I want you to promise me something. Please. If you ever feel like this again, and you wouldn’t mind me being around you… Call for me. Light a candle and place it in front of your door and I’ll be here with you in a heartbeat.”

Whenever you did light a candle, he came through with his promise. He only spoke if you wanted him to, he listened to your rambling, wiping the tears trickling down your cheeks and kissing your temples whenever he felt the need to say something but held himself back. He didn’t like to see you say such self-depreciative things but he wanted to let you know, through his actions, that he was prepared to shoulder all your burdens with you and wash away all those insecurities, if you would let him, showering with words of comfort that were only based on true facts and hints of how he truly felt about you.

After that night, he never lets himself drink and be around you when he does. Especially after sneaking into your room, he wasn’t sure what he was capable of or what he would do in an intoxicated state. He made it a rule and let all the warlords know that if he’s drinking, he’s staying with one of them.

He would scold you for staying up so late at night but he secretly liked to see you actually enjoying yourself. He would sometimes invite himself in your room and ask you about the things that you drew and what you enjoyed writing, his eyes narrowing with avid interest and curiosity to learn more about your time. He knew the right questions to ask you in order to unlock the “rambling” button in you and the warlord would be so pleased to be able to get you to speak to him so openly, looking so animated with excitement brimming from your voice. At that point, he no longer exuded this air of distrust, especially after seeing that you truly knew nothing about the Sengoku Era.

He often ended up falling asleep while hanging with you. It was easy to find yourself admiring his masculine beauty. His expression was so soft and vulnerable, without the usual crease between his brows caused by his constant micromanaging. His schedule was crazy busy but he still managed to find the time to hangout with you, pick you up and drop you off from each lesson of the day. It only made sense that he would be so exhausted. If he didn’t take good care of himself, you would at least try to do so, repay him for his kindness but also, try to make his life easier. Somehow.

During one of your late-night chats, you both got pretty hungry and decided to treat yourself to something. What exactly? Well… messing around the kitchen with Hideyoshi was so much fun but neither of you were good enough cooks to make anything that could be more than just… edible. Masamune would have a heart-attack if he saw what you were doing but thanking the heavens, he wasn’t around. Hideyoshi got intimately acquainted with your peculiar taste in food on that fateful night, blinking through tears as he tried to eat the odd creation that you had both made. At first, he thought he would be appalled but after a few bites taken out of courtesy to you,  he actually started to like it. Thus, the beginning of “Kame and Yoshi” late-night cook-offs to come.

The more you got used to each other, the more you teased one another. You weren’t entirely sure if you should call him “Hide” or “Yoshi” but you noticed how he would get boyishly flustered when you called him “Yoshi”, it just stuck and became your thing. It wasn’t necessarily a nickname given out of affection (or that was what you told yourself) but more of an expression of a blooming friendship. On another hand, he absolutely loved trying to find ways to make you blush, your cheeks reminding him of apples and, truth be told: he wanted to playfully bite them so much.

One day, you completely lost your shit on Hideyoshi for asking the maids to arrange your room since it was a complete mess. Little did you know, Hideyoshi had informed them maids to clean the entire castle spotless, but admittedly forgot to tell them to stay away from yours, fully knowing how you did not like anyone touching your things. He didn’t say anything to defend himself, standing completely silent and absorbing the frustration that radiated from you with the grace that he was known for. You refused to talk to him after that or even look at him. It was an invasion of your privacy and Hideyoshi believed that you had all the right to feel the way you did.

Wanting to be as far away from his castle as possible, you hiked your way up a hill to find some peace in the loneliness that nature had to offer. You spent a few hours just drawing/writing, letting off some of the pent up steam. It was much needed since you were able to clear your thoughts while breathing some fresh air. Looking at the broad horizons before you, you couldn’t help but think of the light brunet who made you feel so frustrated yet did everything possible to make you happy. Something in the back of your mind told you that it was all because he wanted you out of Azuchi and this era. But you were gravely mistaken.

Relying on your non-Sengoku era street-smart ability was not the wisest move. You had no idea where you were even though your surroundings were very familiar. After going in circles for what seemed like hours (40 minutes), you did manage to find your way back to Azuchi just in the nick of time! Being true to yourself, you know you had a lesson with the Devil King for some horse-back riding, still wondering why he even bothered spending time with you.

Who was the one waiting for you at the stables? None other than the handsome man that you were avoiding. His head was lowered in apology and he begged you to let him make it up to you. And he did, big time! You rode to a nearby village that was around 45 minutes away and they were holding a festival! There were fireworks, food stands and game booths and you ate almost everything that caught your eye, competitively played against Yoshi in most games before you saw the light of dawn appear. Have you been out for so long? Your pleasant outing ended yet again, with another chase of the sun.

You didn’t necessarily apologize for your behaviour the next day but he heard the maids whispering about you spending all night trying to make food, stuff that they didn’t even understand and his heart did melt at the thought. You were fussy about it and not having the same materials of the future, making the process much harder for you. Your go-to place to relax was on the top of that same hill where you had been sulking. He obviously tried to look for you and found you there, just watching the sunset. He smiled softly at you and you raised a brow at him with an unspoken “what’s up with you? what do you want?” But he said nothing, just sitting by your side, enjoying just being near. And you did the same. 

The more time, you go out to the city where he is supposed to be spending time with you, you get a bit flustered as to how every single person in town is trying to steal his attention from you. Various scenarios would occur but you would mainly stop even following him and go your separate way. Why did you even do that when the voice in your head told you that you wanted to be near him? (smh) Being the gentleman that he is, he’ll come find you and hold your hand, frowning at you. “What do you think you’re doing? If you’re planning on running away from me, then I guess I’ll have to find a way to keep you by my side.” He squeezed your hand, the top of his cheekbones blushing slightly as he pulled you closer to him, whisking your way through the alleys to wherever the sun would take you.

Being so close to him... felt natural.

One night before Hideyoshi had to travel, under Nobu’s orders, you and the warlord rode your steeds to a nearby river where you had a small picnic and spent the night stargazing. As you rambled on and on about what you knew of the stars and constellations, he gently pressed a finger to your lips. “I’m going to Kyoto at dawn. Things might get bad but I’m going to make sure that everything will be under control. I don’t want you to worry. Just wait for me and… as long as you are, I’ll be okay. Now.. Please... no word of this. Tell me more…”

His voice sounded as empty and lonely as you felt when he was away. Only 2 days had passed and you felt like something was missing. You went on with your day as if nothing was different yet the stinging feeling in your heart told you otherwise. Who were you lying to?

6 days later: He was finally coming home!!

You didn’t even realize that you laughed as a few tears fell the moment you saw Hideyoshi when he came back from whatever skirmish he was dealing with. Cuts, bruises and bandages everywhere. He even needed a few soldiers to carry him since he could barely move on his own! The words escaped your mouth without even knowing before you turned your back on him and rushed to the castle to prepare his room for him. 

You said something along the lines of (it was all so blurry so you weren’t even sure anymore): “Are you dense? I literally just had to hear about what you’ve done and that’s absolutely not acceptable. You’re always keeping your eyes on me and you don’t think you owe me just a small heads-up about your own buffoonery?”

You glared at Nobunaga and basically hissed at him. “This is all your fault. I was going to lose him because of you!”(little did you know, your small outburst made Nobunaga happy, especially after seeing the look on his right hand’s face.)

When he finally settled in and was laying on his futon, you kneeled beside him and brushed his hair away from his face, locking your eyes with his golden ones, a serious and intense look painted over your features.

You: You look like shit, Yoshi. I knew you were going to do some reckless shit. I was hoping you’d prove me wrong but here you are.

Hideyoshi: Watch that mouth, young lady.

You: You think you’re in a position to chastise me, Yoshi? You stopped giving me lessons days ago.

Hideyoshi: That doesn’t mean that you’ve learned your lesson, Kame.

You: Those are big words for a man that can barely lift himself off his futon. So much for promising to go chase the sun when you got back.

Hideyoshi: Hngh… I feel bad enough about that. I’ll make it up to you but please, do not tease me.

You: Mhm… what are you going to do if I don’t, Yoshi?

Hideyoshi: I did have something in mind… Come here.

Gently cradling the side of your face with one hand, his thumb softly rubbed over your rosy cheek as he groaned while lifting himself from the futon, a soft smile gracing his lips as you met him halfway in a tender kiss, filled with so much love and reverence. As you broke the kiss and tried to look away, he snaked his hand to your nape, threading his fingers through your hair and pulling you back to him as his back hit the floor, joyful sighs filling the silence of his room as you both finally allowed the love between you to flow freely.

Hideyoshi can get so uptight about things, nobody even bothers to question him because he’s a stubborn mother hen and once he puts his mind to something there is no changing his mind. Except when it came to you, so the other warlords would often try to get their way with things by attempting to use you against your lover. Unfortunately for them, you were a mischievous minx and instead of helping them, you made things worse by making it known to Hideyoshi, in one way or another what their true intentions were. Masamune loved you for your playful nature and Mitsuhide thought that your skills could be put to better use (don’t tell Hideyoshi or he’ll literally lose his mind).

He will say “I love you” as many times as he needs to for you to believe him. He’s the type of man that would say it in the morning and before going to sleep, even if you were having an argument, he always wanted you to remember that he did. Considering that he could die in the battlefield any day, he wanted to make sure that he had absolutely no regrets when it came to you. He would express his love to you in his gestures, with his actions and wait patiently for you to say the same to him, only when you want. He feels it in the way you tease him, the way you touch him.

His kisses are usually tender and soft like a light summer breeze eliciting the faintest shivers in your body. He usually would cradle your face and trace your cheeks or the column of your neck, a pleasant tingling sensation tickling your skin as he poured all his devotion for you in the soft whispers of his lips against yours. When things tend to get a bit more heated between you, he lets his hands roam to hold the small of your back and press your against him, his tongue licking between your lips, coaxing you to open up for him (always the gentleman, he needs to get some sort of permission from you before doing anything, out of fear of overstepping or upsetting you). 

He would often pray to the heavens that you’re tall enough so that he doesn’t have to lean too much to meet your lips. His other hand would either be at your nape or the back of your head, fingers through your hair, the heat of passion taking over him and the taste of you is so irresistible, he doesn’t want to give you the chance to break the kiss. 

He didn’t even blink an eye when you both sat before the Devil King to tell him that your challenge was off. Whether you won or lost, it didn’t really matter. Hideyoshi was the only man you could ever be with and the prospect of even possibly marrying another was not acceptable. Not for you or for Hideyoshi. Nobunaga simply stared at the both of you, seeing how Yoshi sat there, unwavering before his Lord, unaffected by the possible severity of the situation if things were to go south. 

He respects your time and your own space, fully trusting you now that you were knowledgeable enough to know the do and don'ts of the Sengoku Era. He just urges you,.. no, begs you not to stay out late at night unless he, the warlords or any of his retainers are with you. Azuchi was a safe city but there were still ruffians lurking in the night. He didn’t want to take a chance when it came to you.

He gets way too flustered at any public display of affection but he’s a man that gets easily jealous so he likes to make sure that everyone knows that you’re taken. He would usually just walk around while holding your hand, linking your fingers together or with an arm around your shoulders, kissing your temple or your crown. 

He loves sporting the love bites you’ve marked on his skin and doesn’t even try to hide them, even if you both get teased about them, your lover just beaming with happiness and pride. Whenever he feels like your hands are too cold, he would pull you into a bear hug and let you wrap your arm around his waist, under his kimono, so that his body heat and the fabric could help you warm up a bit better.

If you ever thought of pressing a kiss to his neck (which you’ve obviously done before), your lover would chew on his lip out of embarrassment while his cheeks turned into cherry tomatoes. He would obviously try to mask his shyness with a mock angry tone as he calls your name in admonishment. Looking into your eyes, he saw that glint of mirth in you and that beautiful smirk that he would very gladly wipe off once you returned to the castle.

Little gestures he does to express his affection for you and things he loves: he loves brushing your hair and smelling it, he loves biting your cheek playfully whenever you blush. Whenever you’re chilling with him and he starts teasing you, you bite him and he chuckles. He actually loves it when you do.

He absolutely loves sleeping next to you. Period. But especially having you koala-cuddle him because he’s your human heater. Knowing how cold you are by nature, he asked you to light a candle to place it in front of your door (just like when you are feeling down), so that you can both cuddle and sleep together. He doesn’t like to be intrusive and invite himself into your bed, although he does, on occasion because a relationship goes both ways and it would be wrong just to rely on you to initiate things. The most important thing was consent. As long as he had that, nothing else mattered.

Oh boy, if he wakes up with morning wood, Yoshi gets flustered as hell, especially if you’re awake. He’d excuse himself with the most boyish and embarrassed chuckle and rush out of your room or to his bathroom (depending on where you were both sleeping). If you were lucky enough to be in his room, you would hear a symphony of unadulterated moans and muffled grunts that only made you wonder what the future held for you when you became even more intimate with one another.

Sometimes, when you’re lying beneath him, and let him shower you with kisses and love bites, he worships you as he is completely devoted to you, whispers against your skin, over and over again.

“I want to make you mine, I want you to be mine, I want to claim you and let everyone know that you have chosen me to be your lover, to be your partner, to be the one you share everything with. As much as I would’ve hated to admit it before, I don’t feel an ounce of remorse for what I have discovered in you. I love you… You are my everything and nobody could ever change that. Whether you decide to stay in Azuchi or return to your time…  I’ll always be with you. Take me with you.”

[a-libra-writes]

Imagine Dating the GoT Characters in Modern Times

okay im still working on that confession request, but this sucker just got away from me lol. couldnt help meself. this is a bit more casual than the others

if i missed any of ya favs, send my ask box a mail pigeon and ill add em!

In this preference, you'll be dating: Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, Benjen Stark, Jory Cassel, Dolorous Edd, Tormund Giantsbane, Theon Greyjoy, Yara Greyjoy, Daenerys Targaryen, Jorah Mormont, Missandei, Grey Worm, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, Jamie Lannister, Sandor Clegane, Bronn, Petyr Baelish, Stannis Baratheon, Davos Seaworth, Margaery Tyrell, Brynden Tully, Edmure Tully, Brienne of Tarth, Ramsay Bolton, Roose Bolton, Oberyn Martell, Beric Dondarrion

NED STARK

He always worries so much after you, like if you’re unusually late getting home or you don’t call him back for some time. He won’t bother you about it because knows he worries, and he’s always ready to give you a warm hug when you finally get home. He’s very considerate of how you like things in the home and will fix anything immediately - although, you’re convinced he’s going to drop the AC in a lake if it acts up one more time. He has a picture of your wedding day that he absolutely loves and keeps in a safe spot in his wallet. The same picture is in frame on his desk, along with pictures of the kids. It’s the only decorations he has on the desk.

ROBB STARK

He’s convinced Grey Wind is starting to like you more because you’re the one who gives the goodnight treats. His favorite memories are the times when you both were able to get away to the lake or beach for a few days; he has a picture of you both on his desk at work. If you get him something you’d think he’d like, such as a scarf, he’ll absolutely wear it until it falls apart. Before you two moved in together, he really enjoyed calling you in the evening to hear about your day. Before you started dating, he’d send you pics of Grey Wind because you had the cutest reactions to them - soooo many emojis.

SANSA STARK

She loooves trying new things and hobbies with you, even if it doesn’t always end up so hot. The baking fiasco of 2018 shall not be spoken of, the pictures have been erased, it didn’t happen. She likes doing your make-up if you’ll let her, and she loves it when you two clothes shop together, mostly so she can dress you up. Lady is the most spoiled princess in the Stark family; you and Sansa have an instagram for her, she has her own rhinestone collar and custom bowl, it’s a whole thing. Sansa likes to brush her in the evening while she listens to you about your day or you both catch up with your fav TV shows. You two are way too invested in some of them and sometimes you stay up too late angry tweeting about it.

JON SNOW

You two were mutual friends for a while before you started hanging out exclusively more and more and finally someone asked if you were dating... At that point, you basically were. He really likes going hiking in the woods with you and Ghost, and some of his favorite pictures of you are from these trips - obvs they’re his phone background, and he gets shy if someone looks over his shoulder and asks if you’re his girlfriend. You both have gotten Ghost a nice dog bed and couch but he still likes to sleep at the foot of the bed, then promptly wake you both up at 6am for a walk. Jon was nervous but excited to introduce you to his family; he enjoys holidays with them much more because of you. He loves it when you text him cute things about your day or say you miss him.

BENJEN STARK

He caught your attention when you two began casually dating and he absolutely lit up when he talked about his nieces and nephews, and he showed you lots of pictures. It was just so cute. He absolutely loves it when you wear his shirts, especially the morning after - he will pull you back into the bed. He’s a total night owl but is very considerate of being quiet when you’re asleep. If you end up falling asleep after trying to stay up with him, he’ll carefully carry you back to bed. He works evenings too, so when he comes home early in the morning, he’ll cook you breakfast before staggering to bed (obviously he wants a good morning/night kiss as you get up and get ready).

JORY CASSEL

He’s an absolute sweetheart who will adopt all the dogs and fill up the house with them if you don’t stop him. When he’s playing with them or holding them, you like to take sneaky pictures because it’s just so cute and set it as your phone background. He always has the sweetest compliments for you, regardless if you’re dressing up or you just got out of the shower. The easiest way to fluster him is throw your legs over his lap while you’re wearing shorts or a skirt and just casually snuggle up. One day one of your dogs got out and you two were so beside yourself with worry, calling all the shelters and making posters and just stressing out together. The pup showed up a few hours later covered in mud and you both ran to hug her at the same time.

EDD TOLLETT

You’d actually been hanging out with him for a while because of your mutual friends, mostly Jon. You two had such an obvious crush on each other but wouldn’t make a move, so he and Sam did the trick where they invited you both out, then made an excuse and left you two alone. He’s the master of sending a meme in response to a text you sent two hours ago. He won’t admit how much he really likes it when you wear his shirts, either to bed or out on a date. They’re almost exclusively black metal band shirts with really weird art. You both tend to go to a lot of outdoor music festivals; he always wants to hold your hand so he doesn’t lose you in a crowd.

TORMUND GIANTSBANE

His beard and hair are still wild, don’t you worry, and he’s endlessly amused when it tickles you when he kisses you. His clothes are kind of a mess so you always try to straighten them out or iron them, which he really appreciates. Whenever he sees something cool, he has to immediately take a picture and send it to you. Sometimes he’s too excited about something, he just calls you or comes over. He’d totally want to go to nature reserves, zoos and parks for dates; he loves being outdoors and thinks you look best when the sunlight is on you. He’ll take so many pics on these dates but he’s a pretty bad cameraman (he tries!). He’ll go for the tallest rollercoaster at an amusement park and immediately regret it once the drop starts; he’s secretly relieved if you don’t want to go on one. 

THEON GREYJOY

Let’s be honest, he’s kind of a fuckboy so you don’t date him too seriously. He’s the one who gets attached first and starts exclusively dating you. He really likes collecting guitars and would be stoked if you’d play or sing along with him. He prefers outdoor dates, but sports bars and music clubs are fun, too. No matter what, he’d be giving lots of PDA and wouldn’t take kindly to guys hitting on you. He always finds the most bizarre food or drink recipes online that he wants to try, usually resulting in your kitchen being a warzone afterward. Yara totally bullies him on his insta, no matter how much he blocks her. 

YARA GREYJOY

She’s the definition of the types of girls your parents really didn’t want you to bring home but Here We Are. She has the most badass boots that she wears with an eyeliner with a wing so sharp it could kill a man. She loves pulling you close and being touchy with you in bars and clubs, especially when men are bothering you. Her diet 80% microwave so you have to cook actual food for her and make sure she eats. Family gatherings or phone calls always bother her, so you have to help calm her down afterward, usually with lots of making out. She’d like you to go with her when she gets tattoos so she has someone to chat and laugh with, and she’d subtly suggest you’d look cute with a piercing. She’ll kill the bugs in the relationship as long as you give her a thank you kiss, no matter what you’re in the middle of.

DAENERYS TARGARYEN

She absolutely LOVES Christmastime and wants to decorate the whole house, send a Christmas card with you and her three bearded dragons and wear matching Christmas sweaters (she can be surprisingly stubborn about that). Cuddling on the sofa and watching movies usually ends her falling asleep on you, and if you try to move her she grumbles and hugs you closer. The background for her phone is you looking very worried, holding her three bearded dragons after she posed them on you. She’d much rather wear your hoodies and shirts than her own, sometimes only that if she’s lounging at home with you. She tries to plan a really nice date at least once a month, preferably you two going on a little weekend trip to a musical festival or a beach.

JORAH MORMONT

He texts he loves you at least twice throughout the day. When you go out on dates, he’s always worried if you need a jacket or if you’ve had enough to eat. Heel is digging into your ankle and giving you a blister? This guy has band-aids. When he gets home early, he likes to cook a quick dinner that’ll be ready when you’re home. Watching kdramas with Jorah is great because he gets so baffled and ask you if this is what kids watch nowadays, but then he gets surprisingly emotional over the big confessions and love triangles. Walking through a park or boardwalk at sunset while holding your hand is maximum serotonin for him.

MISSANDEI

Her absolute favorite part of the day is the chat you two have in the evening while you take off make-up, wash your faces and fix your hair before bed. Sometimes you talk about your day, sometimes you listen to music or have a show on. She really doesn’t like phones or laptops in bed because she just wants to cuddle or be intimate. You introduced her to theme parks, and now she absolutely loves them. Missandei will find the biggest coaster and pull you toward it, she also would like you to win her one of those stuffed animals at the shooting games. She’ll put them on a shelf in your room. Sometimes she reads a book that bothers her so much, she has to stop everything, march in the living room and tell you all about it.

GREY WORM

You asked him out by writing your number on his cup at the cafe you worked out. You never got a text or call, but he suddenly showed up a few days later, totally blushing and asking you out. It was kind of adorable. He really likes keeping the apartment tidy and totally loves your baking. You didn’t think he had a sweet tooth, and he's been trying out different recipes to share with you. He can be pretty shy around your friends, so you hang with him solo. He has surprisingly strong opinions on movies, so movie dates always spiral into film theory discussions. He's so baffled by social media but he follows and likes everything you because your posts and pics are cute.

TYWIN LANNISTER

You two met at your company’s expensive party, he interested you right away and you had fun flirting and trading verbal spars. You weren’t sure how he got your number, but he’d end up calling you up for dinners and dates and so on. That ended up turning into trips and long stays at his manor and basically you ended up living there. Tywin enjoys giving you all sorts of expensive gifts and clothes, which he of course doesn’t see as a big deal because you deserve it. Eventually you’d bother him about what you mean to him, and that’s when he’d just outright ask if you’d rather be married. Quite frankly, he doesn’t care about his children’s thoughts on the matter. He really prefers the dates and vacations that are more relaxing, especially when he gets to see you smile at something you haven’t seen. 

TYRION LANNISTER

You and Tyrion discuss books like some people discuss politics. Actually, you both tend to have a lot of long discussions, but you both are so opinionated on books. He actually writes quite a bit and dedicates a lot of it to you. His favorite thing to do is make you laugh in public while you’re drinking something; he knows it drives you nuts and it’s adorable how much you sputter and look for a napkin. He blames you for Jamie’s love of ironic emojis, and he likes to send you screenshots of Cersei’s weird facebook rants. When he’s stressing over a writing deadline, he adores it when you give him a massage and help him calm down.

JAMIE LANNISTER

He’d often tease you about using so many cutest emojis in your text messages, so he started ironically using them. You’re positive he just picks them at random but he figured out that eggplant and peach REAL quick. When you first started dating, he tried to impress you with expensive gifts and dates, but he vastly prefers the lowkey cuddles at your apartment. His head in your lap, your pet curled around his legs and him reading off ridiculous shit Cersei posts on facebook … That’s the ideal. He was a nervous wreck when you met Tywin, although he was trying to play it off and be cool. 

SANDOR CLEGANE

He’s such a grumpy bear that a lot of people wonder how the heck you two got together. You both like to hang out at music bars and clubs, and he’s always got a protective arm around you, and as the evening winds down he likes to nuzzle your hair and receive any kisses you give. He sleeps in really late and grumbles when you pull him out of bed to get his ass outside. He’ll always take care of the yard work and grills the best barbecue. He actually really likes when you ask him what he thinks about an outfit, even if he just says it’s fine, because he likes the way you twirl and show off your backside. There’s probably a football team he’s obsessed with and he WILL text you angrily about someone getting a red card or missing a goal. 

BRONN

When you asked for his number, you were shook that he still had a goddamn flip phone. Even after dating for forever, he still has that damn thing. Your favorite date spot is live music bars, even if he starts to get overly affectionate and pull you in his lap. He has leather jackets and sometimes wears black cowboy boots with them and it just … works? He also probably rides a motorcycle but makes sure you have the proper clothes and helmet and actually obeys traffic laws when you’re riding with him. He’ll still flip off drivers, though. He doesn’t go to the doctor, his sick ass shows up on your doorstep half-dead and you force cold medicine down his throat while scolding him. He just likes being looked after, not that he’ll ever admit it.

PETYR BAELISH

You’re kind of surprised he asked you out, he seemed like a very wealthy, prominent person and you were a little worried. But on all your dates he’s nothing but a gentleman and he wants to go places you enjoy to know you better. Even if you both go somewhere more lowkey like a cafe or an art museum, he just has to impress you by picking you up in a nice car. He’s much more genuine in evenings at your apartment when you cuddle with him, or when you send sweet texts that he has trouble responding to right away because they’re just so nice. He likes to follow your social media just to see what you’re up to, and he has a picture of you on his desk, probably one where you’re wearing something he got you.

STANNIS BARATHEON

He’s on top of anything that needs to be fixed or dealt with around the house, sometimes without you even noticing they were broken. He’s very grateful when you plan dates for fun or for anniversaries, because he has trouble with such things. He also totally melts when you bring him coffee in the morning with a kiss, or take his coat when he comes home. Holidays are an absolute mess; last year he was THIS close to throttling Renly with a string of holly. You like changing his phone background to saucy pictures of yourself, because he already sucks at phones and now he’s bright red and it’s taking him five minutes to figure out how to change it. You were pretty bummed when he finally figured out how to set up a phone lock, so now you just text the pictures while he’s at home. It takes a few seconds before you hear him sputter and drop his phone in the other room.

DAVOS SEAWORTH

Admittedly, Davos is a little insecure about the age difference between you two, but he’s always very comforted when you hold his hand and kiss him in public. He always has interesting places to take you, and somehow he seems to know at least one person there. He always has a new story about how he lost his fingers and now it’s just an inside joke between you two. You think its hilarious how worked up he gets about his sports teams, and he cracks up when you yell at competitive cooking shows. Sometimes he needs your help deciphering Stannis’ weird, cryptic texts. He’s very weak when you’re dressing up to go out, especially when you slip on pantyhose and heels.

MARGAERY TYRELL

You didn’t realize how big of an influencer she was until she innocently asked for a selfie of the two of you. You were on a beach date and you kissed her cheek while she made a cute pose. Much later she showed you the pic on her instagram and holy shit is that’s 20k likes what in the seven hells. If it’s a sunny day, she absolutely wants to go out to the beach or an outdoor mall or anything. She likes to show you pics of outfits, ask your opinion, and buy it as a surprise if you really love it. If you both got a pet together, she’d basically treat it like your kid. She loves taking you with her on her family’s expensive vacations, and she can’t stop holding your hand and grinning the whole time.

BRYNDEN TULLY

Brynden is also worried about the age gap between you two, and it often bothers him when people mistake him for your father while you two are out. He loves talking about you to his nieces and nephew. He held off on telling his brother out of spite, because he knew Hoster was going to bug him about proposing. His favorite thing to do with you is go boating on the family’s lake, especially when you’re laughing as you try to keep your hat on. His absolute favorite picture is a selfie you took while you were in his lap, you’re making a silly face while he’s kissing your cheek.

EDMURE TULLY

He loves doing the silliest, most domestic stuff with you. Doing laundry together while joking around, picking out furniture to match in the living room, even adopting a dog or a kitten who would end up spoiled rotten. He’d actually fall for you quickly while you were dating and already think of your wedding and a family, but he wouldn’t want to pressure you at all. He has the worst bedhead and you have to grab him before he runs out to work and try to tame it. You both have the most ridiculous in-jokes and when you watch dramas, you both get way too emotionally invested and try not to cry in front of each other.

BRIENNE OF TARTH

She’s very shy about taking selfies with you until you encourage her and insist she’s adorable. She takes good care of her health and works out a lot, and she’s definitely want you to join her for the latter. She’s great with motivating and praising you! She likes dates where you two just wander around outdoor malls or museums, you just walk and chat about all sorts of things. You’re absolutely her phone background and lock screen, and when her dad calls to check on her she ends up talking about you a lot. You both like to put on cooking shows while you fold laundry or clean and you end up getting so distracted.

RAMSAY BOLTON

You weren’t totally keen on introducing him to your parents, then they suddenly came over while he was hanging out with you and he was such a Perfect Gentleman™ you almost got whiplash. He’s the reason stray dogs always hang around your backyard and porch, he leaves food out for them. He always frowns when you cover up his hickeys with concealer. He’s not the least bit phased by horror or slasher movies, but puts them on TV anyway so you can cling to him and hide your face. He’s absolutely the sort to threaten any male friends he thinks are too close to you, then play innocent when you confront him. He likes date spots that are a little more secluded, so he can grab your body and give you a deep kiss anytime he’s wanting you.

ROOSE BOLTON

In the morning, he always has to kiss you when he wakes up and before he leaves for work, no exceptions. He’s very private so those he works with are surprised to learn he’s married, but once you two are together at some company party it’s obvious he dotes on you. His kinks are even more pronounced now and he loves buying you things he wants to see you wear. He’d like to have a family with you once you’re ready. He’d be super into you sending him sexy pictures during the day, but he won’t respond right away or pretend the picture didn’t load just to mess with you. 

OBERYN MARTELL

He looooves surprising you with thoughtful gifts, weekend trips or even just flowers sent to your work with a loveydovey note that has all your coworkers teasing you. He hangs around at your apartment so much, you wonder why he just doesn’t move in. He will absolutely love any flirty texts or sexy pictures you send him over the phone, and he’ll respond in kind. When your relationship started getting more serious, he introduced you to his family and daughters, and fell even more in love with you because you were so kind to everyone. He always wants to take you places because he thinks you’re the cutest when you’re amazed by new things.

BERIC DONDARRION

A mutual friend hooked you both up for a blind date, which bothered you a lot, but Beric was so nice, genuine and apologetic that you decided to go through with it anyway. You’re grateful you live in a cold climate because he looooves the fireplace and snuggling with you in front of it. He’s not the best at cooking and would appreciate you teaching him, also you look super cute in an apron so that’s a bonus. Expect a ton of different outdoors and camping trips from him, also he’s the worst about getting injured and insisting he’s fine, even when there’s blood all over the bathroom sink.

[mwolf0epsilon]

Fic Request: Miss Twisted is causing some manner of trouble Alice Angel shows up, lectures her, and then drags her away by the ear and says something like "I have a perfectly good dinner getting cold at home and you're doing THIS"? Miss Twisted then tries to apologize and make it up to Alice.

Summary: A slight mistake in her schedule gives Miss Twisted a taste of trouble in paradise.

---

[[MORE]]

It wasn't often that the stars aligned for the sort of mischief that they were getting up to, but oh if the Society didn't enjoy it all the more when they got the chance to show up the Butcher Gang in a nice game of robbing the bank blind!

They'd used the troublesome trio of dopes as their distraction, breaking into the vault while they attempted their stick-up. Filled their bags and pockets with as much cash as possible, and then things really got interesting. You see, Charley wasn't one to share a heist, and neither was Miss Twisted. The glory would fall upon the most ruthless criminals, and that prestigious title was going to which ever of the gangs could get away with the plundered riches.

The battle was on.

"Getting tired are we?!" Missy cackled as she stared down the end of her opponent's retreating and swinging switchblade, her own dagger parrying blows aimed at her long springy arms. "What's the matter Charley boyo? Too old to tango with a dame?"

"In your dreams, princess!" He flashed her an ugly toothy grimace. "I ain't no pirate, but I can pull my weight in a swordfight. This is just the warm up!"

"Then warm up faster Charles, because the ladies don't like cold feet!" She flashed her own sharp grin at him.

"I'll remember that if I ever meet a lady then." He smirked.

"Why I oughta..." She swung her blade faster, trying to get him off balance. Behind her she could hear the struggles as Cameraman wrestled for control of their getaway vehicle from the meddling Barley, while the Brute was defending their spoils from the itsy bitsy Edgar who was trying to lasso a few bags out of his reach.

One lucky swing caught the side of Charley's blade and sent it flying from his grasp, leaving him weaponless and at the edge of the truck's open back.

"My, my... Seems like Lady Luck has a new favourite." Missy chuckled "And it ain't the leprechaun, it seems."

"Keep yappin' girly, even if you win this fight, the Butcher Gang will come on top in the end. We always do." The older male sneered. Barley and Edgar were at a loss for what to do, either continue their endeavours or risk losing their boss.

"Bouillonburg has a new crime syndicate and it sure doesn't need a trio of has-beens calling the shots anymore." And they'd all know it from this day forward, as soon as she sent the infamous leader of the Butcher Gang flying out of the back of a moving truck.

Or, she would of, if not for the truck suddenly coming to a halt and sending everyone tumbling about at the sudden stop.

"Oi! Cam what gives?!" The demoness cried out as she pushed Charley off her. "Warn a gal, wouldn't ya? I coulda snapped my neck!"

"I err... Uhm... I am quite certain that that is the least of your troubles right now..." Cameraman called back from the cabin.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?!" She put her hands on her hips and looked towards the cabin. Just barely able to make out her friend's small body and the stilts he was using to reach the pedals.

"Because I'm very certain your very angry girlfriend that is standing in front of the truck, is probably higher up on the list..." Cameraman replied as he sunk slightly in his seat to escape the glare of a very upset angel.

Miss Twisted stood there, baffled for a second, before startling.

"Oh crud, what day is it?"

"Erm...Tuesday? Barley offered.

"The 10th!" Edgar added, before tapping his chin thoughtful. "Of November!"

".....Papa Pluto's crooked teeth, I forgot our anniversary!!!" The demoness cried out in horror. She was so screwed.

"You're kidding... You forgot your anniversary?!" Cameraman looked as incredulous as a camera could. "That's low, even for you Missy."

"And rude." Brute huffed. "Missy should apologize to pretty angel lady!"

"I can't go out there! She'll eat me alive!" Her arms quickly twisted around her own head in an attempt to hide her face.

"Honestly, with Alice? Kinda deserved." Charley snorted.

"Agreed, ya should feel ashamed for standin' up the poor lass." Barley scolded.

"Yeah... We may be villains, but we'd never be so rude as to forget a date!" Edgar crossed his arms.

"None of you have girlfriends you jerks!" Missy protested.

"Uh... Charley and Barley are married?" Cameraman gawked at her. "And Brute has a boyfriend?"

"Since when?!"

"Three weeks. Long distance. They write each other... Am I the only one that listens to either of you rambling during breakfast?!" Cameraman was in disbelief.

"And yes, we're married. Edgar's our kid... We're literally a crime family." Charley pointed out.

"Pretty angel lady coming over." Brute pointed out. True to his words, the upset angel was floating over to meet them, and if looks could kill...

"Uh-oh..."

"Nice knowing you Missy. I'm taking all your stuff when you die."

"No fair! Brute want nice radio!"

"I don't need another radio, so we've got a deal big fella."

"I'm not gonna die!"

"I SPENT HOURS SLAVING OVER A STOVE AND WAITING FOR YOU, AND YOU'RE OUT HERE DOING THIS?!"

"I'm gonna die!"

-

Miss Twisted didn't die in the end, but from the scolding she'd gotten alone she might as well have died a little inside. Hell had nothing on the righteous fury of an angel crossed. Needless to say, making it up to Alice would not be easy. Especially when she's been robbing a bank and told the getaway driver to drive as recklessly and dangerously as possible in a busy road close to a school.

Thankfully, Missy was a resourceful lady. She knew how to turn situations around. Go big or go home, right? And even if it cramped her style, she'd tolerate a few of the hobbies her lady love fancied.

Playing the part of good samaritan was gag worthy, but if it made Alice happy, she'd oblige. There were ways to uphold her reputation as an emissary of misery, anyway...

And oh, if the next big hits she had planned wouldn't fix a month's worth of good deeds then nothing would! Go big or go home indeed.

The Butcher Gang wouldn't stay on top for much longer, and her girlfriend couldn't stay mad forever!

First thing was first tho, use a lot of the plundered riches to pay for a reservation at a fancy restaurant and wardrobe and accessories to match. Angel or not, Alice was still an appreciator of the mushy romantic stuff. Miss Twisted would just have to also make it up to the boys later.

[undergroundkid]

4. Another me that looks like me

- Y/N, take these extra beddings to new guest from the apartment, alright? – your manager said, walking to reception’s backroom with fresh sheets and dropping it on your desk.

Taking your eyes away from pile of paperwork, you looked at her with confusion.

- Wait, why? Isn’t that Yoonho’s job?

- Well, I wouldn’t be asking you if he was free – she answered with a shrug:- Come on, you will finish it later. Our client is waiting by the desk.

Your supervisor left the backroom with hurry, surely to attend to next guests. It was busy afternoon without doubt, but you never had to take care of luggage or show guests around – that was what Yoonho was for. You spent such shifts like a dog in kennel, stuck on the reception with endless paperwork.

Maybe this day was on the next level of fuss, since your hotel porter didn’t have enough time to fulfill his duties; well. Another speciality for you to add to you resume – you are really starting to do everything in this place.

You took the stuff for new guest, which actually happened to be three pillows – seriously, someone’s hella spoiled. It even smelled more extra than usual laundry delivered by washhouse. Apartments held higher standards than rest of the rooms, but that was too much. And receptionist guide..? Something’s fishy here.

When you walked outside, you understood immediately.

He was standing next to the stairs with crossed arms, not bothering to look at the people around, focusing on the ceiling instead. Long, graceful face was almost blank, showing no emotions at all – but it was as impressive as you remembered.

- Mr Chae! – you smiled politely coming closer:- It’s good to see you again, sir!

His eyes fell on you and in that moment you thought his face is the only element you knew, despite your meeting before.

He had slightly longer hair, falling in his breathtaking eyes, but most important it was dyed light blonde. This unexpected colour suited him better than you could think, making him look like prince from fantasy.

He didn’t wore his elegant suit either. Dark blazer and black t-shirt with extremely deep neckline was a big difference. The sapphire velvety neckerchief made him sophisticated enough for the place though.

He didn’t answer you greeting, which throw you off a bit, but you led him to the elevator anyway. Soft steps followed behind you, comforting your uneasiness, but quickly died in commotion of people pouring into the hall. How easy it was for guests to disregard you was beyond your knowledge; they barely let you come through them, lot of them bumping you in the shoulders without glance, not speaking about basic „excuse me”.

Self-centered bastards, came through your mind when you had to grip the pillows tighter in order to not drop it. You didn’t need pleasantries anymore. Just let me do my goddamn job without feeling like unwanted burden in my own workplace. Why people have this awful need to put others below themselves?

You finally made it to the elevator. Doors closed with soft ‘ding’ sound and you were left alone with Mr Chae, peaceful classic music playing in the background. It didn’t help you, so you tapped your foot, looking at the growing floor’s numbers at the display above you. You stepped out with silent huff, directing your steps to destined apartment.

- Here we are – you started, once again picking up a perfect worker mask:- This is your keycard and-

- Obviously – the blonde interjected. He opened his door and glanced in your way expectantly.

Oh, okay.

-  Uh, yes.. we serve breakfast between 6AM and 11AM, the restaurant is located-

- Next to the reception. I know.

Unpleasant feeling sat on your shoulders – bags of mixed annoyance, incomprehension, torpor.

Take a grip. Maybe that’s his way of acting, even if he was a gentleman on your first ecounter. Worse day. Unpleasant journey. It’s easy to take it out on some poor receptionist, after all.

- You can also order anything from the menu until 11PM. There’s no need for you coming down, just use the phone in the room. Number for restaurant-

- 4105 – his expression grew more bored by the seconds; he sighed, clearly fed up:- Is there anyting you can tell me that’s not on the front office brochure? I had plenty time to read it.

- I.. I don’t think so, sir. If there’s..

- Great. Don’t waste my time anymore. I waited long enough in the lobby for your guidance, which was highly lacking by the way.

Bags on your shoulders became heavier, thanks to added astonishment.

- I will take those – prideful man pulled extra pillows from your hands, inspecting them with furrowed brows:- You brushed it against few people in the hall, but I don’t have energy to deal with it today..

You stood puzzled; is that guy.. scolding you actually?

- That would be all. You can go – he informed you bluntly and added with another sigh:- I have enough of your standoffish attitude. Four stars hotel, good joke.. is this kind of service a new standard..

Chae turned his attention towards apartment, looking around in observation. You couldn’t bring yourself to move, grounded by heavy weight of complaints. It happened from time to time of course, as always in hotel service. You can’t remember if anybody directed such dissatisfactions directly towards you, though. To say it hit like a bucket of a cold water was undestatment. Holy crap, you were doing your best, it was these ungrateful guests, thinking they can do whatever they want and..

- Still thinking about how you’re better than everyone here?

Your tore your eyes away from the carpet you were unawarely gaping into. Unimpressed face of handsome client was calm as winter’s evening – cold and unforgiving.

Why he’s beheaving like this? You might be less providing than you should be, that’s true, but.. you’re trying, all the time, fighting with constant mood swings – both yours and people here. You’re sane enough to not grin like a robot all the time. Nobody can be nice everyday. It’s almost like he’s saying..

Blonde graced you with small smile.

- You’re excatly like your guests. You’re too proud to admit it, aren’t you?

What? Hell no, you’re not-

- Maybe that’s why you’re so lonely.

Doors closed, your baffled expression reflected in glazed 403 number.

thank you for reading

< previous

next >

[riverboundao3ff]

Riverbound, Chapter 18

Pancakes turn out to be a great idea, because you haven’t had breakfast yet and you get more time to think about what you’re going to say when you’re chewing on a mouthful of delicious sweetened bread, berries, and syrup.

“I can’t believe you’re alive,” Ardata says for the umpeenth time. You had let her rant for the past ten minutes about how sad she’d been after you disappeared, about her GrubTube career going down the drain after she’d been hacked, and then eventually making friends with Elwurd and Remele because, in her words, “They were the only trolls interesting enough to make me want to go out and Do Things.”

Elwurd snorts. “Only after countless wipes of bitching and moaning, but okay.”

“I had to unlearn everything I was raised to believe-!”

“Yeah, yeah, we know.” She looks back to you and grins. “We’re just happy you’re okay. Where the hell did you even go, dude?”

“Well… I was kidnapped, there were some interesting shenanigans involving space and time, made some new friends, yelled at a couple of assholes, and then I found my way back here,” you summarize. If you had a nickel for every time you’ve explained what happened to you, you’d have enough money to buy an actual hive to live in.

“Good gog,” Remele mutters, sipping on her coffee. “That sounds… rather stressful.”

“It was, believe me.”

Next to you, Polypa clears her throat, not meeting the eyes of the ceruleans. You don’t blame her; she’s a lowblood and all three of the other girls are intimidating, especially Elwurd. “So, you three are part of that… group?”

Ardata purses her lips, but it’s Remele who answers. “It’s… a wee bit complicated. We know Dammek and Xefros, of course, but we’re more focused on taking out direct threats to the rebellion instead of social justice.”

“We’re a highblood ally group, basically,” Elwurd clarifies.

You blink. “Dammek and Xefros?”

“The bronze and the rust up on that overturned scuttlebuggy. They’re in charge of the whole thing. They’re pretty cool.”

Remele nods. “Xefros is the one who found the other rebellion faction and located you.”

“Dude must have had a hell of a night finding an alien,” Polypa mutters, amused.

The ceruleans fall strangely silent. Elwurd sucks her teeth and looks over at Remele, who looks at Ardata, who makes a face at her and stares down at her waffles. You instantly know that something big happened, something that they’re hesitant to tell you.

“So, about that,” Elwurd says.

“What?”

Remele hums nervously, tapping a claw against the plastic of the table you’re all sitting around.

“What?” you demand.

“Look. This is going to sound a little insane, but…”

“A human child came to Alternia while you were away,” Elwurd finished.

“... WHAT?!”

<>

Your name is ELWURD, and you are running away from a pissed-off indigo chick who just wanted to enjoy her pancakes. This is disappointing, because she’s pretty hot and you haven’t had a date in like, two perigees, but maybe you’ll catch her later at the party you’ll be throwing next wipe and apologise.

“Why don’t we just fight her? There’s five of us against one!” Remele complains as she vaults over a fence with you hard on her heels.

“I’m not fighting that bitch, she’s huge!” Ardata yells from up ahead.

“Second that!” the alien calls from somewhere behind you. They’re surprisingly speedy for a little guy, but they do have great legs. Not that you’ve been looking.

Polypa speeds past you in a black-and-olive blur and flings herself up the wall of the abandoned drill factory you’re all heading towards. “Rule number one of fighting indigos: try not to.”

Ardata zooms up after her, yelping as the tip of her boot gets caught on a stray shingle as she vaults herself up onto the roof. She’s come a long way from being some spoiled GrubTube celebrity, you’ll give her that, but her parkour skills still need a lot of work.

You and Remele bring up the rear, and before you can turn around to help the alien up a little zapping sound like a plasma ball being bounced around sounds from just behind you. You turn in surprise to see the alien standing on the roof with you guys, hands on their knees and out of breath. They give you a thumbs-up.

“Did you just…” you begin, unsure if the stuff you snorted off your own kneecap last morning wore off completely, but from the looks Remele and Ardata are giving your mutual friend you think you aren’t high anymore.

Polypa sighs. “Yes, my moirail can teleport. No, I really don’t know why.”

“HEY!”

You lean over to peer down at the indigo chick. “Yo!”

“You load of bitches better learn to treat your superiors with respect! You’re lucky I don’t feel like climbing this shitpile!” she spits.

“Right, totally because you’re not out of breath,” you call back. “Man, you indigos are all the same. All muscle, no stamina.”

“Or pancells,” Ardata sneers.

“Or decency,” Remele finishes.

She snarls loud enough for it to echo off the walls before storming off back the way she came. Polypa gives her the finger, smirking proudly as she watches the indigo stomp off into the night. You can see why the alien chose her to be their moirail.

“So.”

You turn back to see the alien tapping their foot impatiently. “The tea. Please.”

“Well… weird portal thingie brought over this girl from Earth named Joey. Weird portal thingie also sent over Dammek to Earth. Shenanigans ensued. Drama happened. I fistfought a violetblood in the parking lot at GrubMart. Somehow, we managed to get everybody back where they belong, and nobody even died. Yay.”

You hope Joey and Jude are doing alright-- they were great kids, even if being around them was a little painful. Both of them reminded you so much of your long-lost friend. Maybe it was a human thing to be overly nice, super goofy, and a total crackhead all at the same time.

The alien’s hazel eyes are focused on something past you. Their lips are moving but no sound is coming out. They begin to shake.

Polypa calls their name, darting forward to grab her moirail’s shoulders. They look like they don’t even see her.

“Hey, are they…” You don’t finish your sentence, because hello, your friend is obviously having a panic attack.

“It’s him. It’s him. It’s gotta be, Polypa, he’s still…” they gasp, the rest of the color draining from their already pale face. “He’s still here, he’s gonna come for me--”

“No no, it’s okay, you’re okay,” she whispers frantically, trying to shooshpap them even though they’re human and that sort of thing doesn’t work on humans. “Listen-no, look at me. You’re safe. You’re safe--”

Ardata jumps back as their eyes flash bright green, like neon searchlights in the dark. They don’t look like themselves anymore.

They look like--

“What’s happening?” Remele asks worriedly. You wave her away, following the little voice in your head that’s urging you to stay back.

Something feels terribly wrong.

<>

You are THE GUARDIAN. You are the Guardian. You are the Guardian. You are the Guardian. You are the Guardian. You are the Guardian. You are the Guardian. You are the Guardian.

And the universe is splitting apart.

Of course it’s not in the sense that corporeal beings like yourself would be able to see, but because you’re a god you can feel it. You can feel it in every atom. It’s in every proton and neutron in your physical form, wiring into you, deeper and deeper until you can’t feel anything but the shriek of reality being torn apart like a wet napkin. The pain hits you soon after.

Your legs give out and you fall.

You grab for the tear, try and smooth it back together, stop the bleeding. You’re bleeding. Why won’t it stop--

Somewhere far away, you can hear Polypa calling for you, but no matter how hard you try you can’t answer her. Come back. Please come back.

Please

I

    can’t

The last shreds of your vision that aren’t dominated by black spots vanish at last, and you gratefully fall into the darkness.

You’re not sure when, but eventually there is a light shining from deep within the void. You twist around to stare at it mid-fall.

You blink, stunned, and then you’re standing in a school cafeteria. Sunlight streams in through the big glass windows-- Earth sunlight. It warms you from the outside in, like you’re being thawed emotionally as well as physically. The lunch tables are all folded neatly against the opposite wall. In the air is the familiar smell of linoleum and french fries; it must have been burger day. God, you miss burger day.

There’s no soreness from tumbling across the pavement earlier when you knocked Ardata out of the way of that drone. No scabs are visible on your knuckles. Every breath you take is like inhaling pure oxygen, even with nothing around to produce it. For the first time in what feels like years, you are in absolutely no pain whatsoever.

Soft footsteps behind you alert you to the presence of another. You turn, bracing yourself for anything, for him, but…

“I knew you could do it.”

She grins at you with eyes that sparkle like stars, pride radiating from every fiber of her being. Her dress is free from dirt and looks as new as the day it was made. The sunlight catches in her jet black hair and makes the white of her dress glow gold.

“Boldir,” you choke, a hard lump forming in your throat even as you run for her and throw yourself into her strong arms.

Boldir catches you without hesitation and holds you tightly, gently rocking you back and forth. You’re crying but you can’t bring yourself to feel embarrassed and it’s amazing.

You laugh wetly, wiping at your eyes. “How-- what? How are you here? Why are you here? What even is this place?”

“Good questions!” She looks very proud of herself. “Reaching you took a lot of work, but I found out that the easiest way was to create a space where you could astral project into. A place buried so deeply into your subconscious even he couldn’t make you forget about it.”

You look around, knowing who Boldier is talking about but still baffled as to why you’re in a school cafeteria. “This… this is a school.”

“Yep! Does anything look familiar?”

It hits you like a punch to the gut the second she says it. With a gasp, you whirl around, taking everything in as a memory resurfaces from the sea of the life you once led.

About ten feet away, a fuzzy image forms out of thin air. A bunch of teenagers are sitting around one of the lunch tables, yelling and laughing, doing homework, eating, showing each other stuff on their phones. They become more solid the longer you look at them, like you’re trying to focus on them through a microscope.

Sitting between a dude with a varsity jacket and a pretty brunette girl is a small blonde kid, easily the shortest person at the table, their hair down past their shoulders. They’re reading something off the brunette’s phone and almost spit out their chocolate milk when they start giggling.

It was the last day of your sophomore year, you remember. You were going to hang out with your friends after school. You can’t recall exactly what you guys did, but it’s so far away in your memory you can’t even begin to think about what it might have been. The little blonde kid looks so happy, their only worry being what colleges they should apply for next fall.

You don’t even know you’re crying until Boldier wipes the tears from your face with a soft, sympathetic noise.

“This is my high school. Those were my friends. I… I grew up here, Boldir,” you whisper.

“And that’s why this universe split apart from the others, Guardian. You’re finally remembering who you are and where you came from! What else can you recall?” she demands, cupping your face between her strong hands.

“I… the other night I remembered my grandma, and my uncle, because she died of a heart attack and… and oh my God. Oh, fuck. I remembered my mom,” you sob.

“Good! Yes! What does she look like?”

Your head is beginning to pound. Are you dehydrated or something? “She’s… taller than me. She loved me, right?”

Boldier giggles. “Everybody’s taller than you.”

“But she loved me?”

“She did. She does.”

The sunlight coming in through the window seems to be getting brighter and brighter. “Boldir, what’s happening? Where are you?”

“I can’t come to you right now. I have to keep him away from you as long as I can,” she explains swiftly. “He’s losing patience.”

“Scratch?”

Ice water shoots up your spine when she nods, a low growl building up in her chest. “Listen to me. You have to remember who you are! That’s how you can break free of Scratch’s control. When he finds you, you can’t listen to anything he tells you. You are the First Guardian. You control your own destiny. I know you can save Alternia, Micah!”

A loud splintering sound makes you whip around to see the linoleum crack open, revealing shards of light that pierce the air like knives. The sunlight is nearly blinding you now. Your headache goes from mildly painful to a full-blown migraine in the course of a couple seconds. Boldir hisses in fury and throws you behind her as the ground where you just stood gives way into white nothingness, the color of bone after it’s been out in the Alternian sun for a day. The low, dull roar of the heart of a star follows after, so loud to your aching head that you almost collapse on the spot.

“But where are you?” you cry again. “I’ll come get you! Are you in danger?”

She just pats your shoulder, looking back at you with big sad eyes. “You might be the most powerful being in this reality, but there isn’t anything you can do for me anymore. I’m sorry. What I want you to do is succeed and be happy.”

“But-!”

“Just keep remembering, okay?” she pleads, and then she’s gone, and once again you’re tumbling down through emptiness.

Remember.

:::

Your name is MICAH. It’s not the name you were given at birth, but it’s a name you chose for yourself when you changed your hair, your pronouns, the way you dressed in a life not so far away from where you are now. Your name is Micah. Micah… something.

What the hell is your last name?

Why are you trying to remember that…?

Boldir. Remember Boldir.

Her words come back to you about you not being able to do anything for her anymore. They ricochet around the inside of your brain, becoming more and more agonizing to think about until you’re wailing into the nothingness of your subconscious. Your heart is breaking into a million pieces just like that damn cafeteria floor.

Because you know that Boldir Lamati is dead.

And you never even got to say goodbye.

In a moment of time that might have been five minutes or five years, you begin to feel your body again-- all four-feet-eleven-inches of you, even though you really do not want to go back to the land of the living. Living sucks ass.

Somebody is running their hand through your hair, gentle and smooth. You want to just lay there forever, letting whoever this is hold you, but then you hear somebody speak nearby and your eyes open all on their own.

“They’re coming to!”

You meet the concerned gaze of Lynera, who’s wringing her hands fretfully as she stares down at you. A familiar ceiling spotted with bioluminescent fungi hangs low above your head, and there’s a jade green blanket tossed over your torso.

“Well, this certainly rings a few bells,” you mumble to yourself. You look up and realize you’re in Polypa’s lap. She’s not normally one for pale PDA, so the fact that she's holding you so close with somebody else around is a little strange. Her long hair is tickling your face, making you sneeze and scrub at your nose.

“How are you feeling?” she whispers.

“Awful.”

“How so?”

“One of my friends is dead.”

“How do you--”

“I had a dream where she came to me. She’s done it before. Polypa, sometimes I… I have dreams that tell me about the future. And the past. And the present.”

She exhales, quietly stunned. “I’m sorry, Micah.”

You nod, doing your best to fight back tears and failing. Even the sound of your own name isn’t helping you feel better.

Footsteps approach, slow and careful, and you look over to see Lynera crouch down next to you. “We think you had some kind of seizure? Your moirail said that you started talking really strangely, and then you collapsed and started to spasm. Then she brought you to the caverns. You were out all day.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a seizure.” So, you have seizures now. Fantastic.

“There isn’t a whole lot of information on these kinds of things, but I’ll keep looking around to see if anybody has information on mental disorders-- not that I think you’re mental! I just want to make sure you don’t collapse out in public, because if the wrong troll sees you do that you’ll get culled and it’ll be horrible and we can’t lose you again! So you should probably take it easy for the rest of the night. I’ll tell Bronya to… um, where are you going?”

You stagger as you put all of your body weight on to your feet. Your head is spinning, but you don’t give up.

“I have to go commit a murder.”

[greensconnor]

rod + hero for the mc thing uwu

INTERESTING mix time to display what could have been and leak the ending of letterman verse let’s GO

rod mc: coretta cruz

how tall are they?

coretta is 5′5″! she’s pretty short, especially compared to the rest of the mercy park crew

how do they tend to dress?

blue langston sweater & jeans every day jk except not really. she has a really comfy kind of art heaux aesthetic? she loves vibrant coloured turtleneck and interesting scarfs and big overcoats and flare-leg pants in interesting colours or patterns. if you’ve ever been to a city that was a ‘hipster’ city she dresses like how those people dress now. yeah. also she wears glasses you will not take that headcanon from me.

do they like how they look?

yes! in highschool she was very shy about her appearance and pretty easy to make insecure, but since the whole thing with the mercy park crew and getting to college she’s become a lot more sure of herself and has really settled into her aesthetic.

are they an only child or do they have any siblings?

as established by rod canon she’s an only child, but in my personal canon her dad adopts logan and they really do have a sibling-esque dynamic

are they a morning person or night owl?

morning person ahskshs. her friends all rip into her for being like “well goodnight :-)” at 9:30 pm on the dot after having been poring over her biology textbooks for two hours with six different coloured highlighters and organized sticky tabs only to get up at 5 am the next morning to be able to watch the local news station’s breakfast broadcast

are they a cat person or a dog person?

cat person! she loves cats and she likes small dogs but she has a bit of a fear of larger dogs, and although she’s not terrified of them, her nervousness around them prevents her from loving them as much as cats.

got any favourite foods?

THE CORETTA SPECIAL OFC!!!! she loves anything with bacon in it, and she and her dad used to have ‘bacon wednesdays’ where they would try to cook a new dish with bacon in it every week. she also loves apple and rhubarb crumble, and she and her dad like to bake it together because it reminds them both of baking it with her mum before she passed on.

how about favourite drinks?

she loves tea! iced tea, hot tea, milk tea, whatever! if it’s tea based, she’ll drink it, and she also loves a good berry smoothie!

what are their favourite movies/tv shows?

coretta really likes romcoms! mona rolls her eyes at having to watch them, but coretta is a huge romantic and she loves that kind of stuff! she’s also a big fan of animated movies and has an interest in foreign films as well! she tries to go to as many film festivals at langston as she can!

do they have any hidden talents?

she has a really good memory! she can remember weird little facts that someone told her years ago that just stuck with her ahsksh.

do they believe in love at first sight?

yes! she’s a romantic and the world kinda sucks so she likes to believe in sweet, positive things like that. she doesn’t personally think she’s ever experienced that, but she also doesn’t feel like she’s missing out in that regard! even if it doesn’t happen to her, it’s nice to believe there’s something like that out there.

who is their love interest?

mona! i said fuck canon lives and basically everything is the same instead of mona getting shot it was logan & instead of dad being reluctant to help he was on board so with fbi questioning he says that he got coretta and the mpc crew to work as his informants in secret because he suspected jason was corrupt, because they’re just kids! anyway it all works out okay and mona comes with coretta to langston where both she & logan are doing bridging courses at a community college to finish high school while working part-time, and she and coretta are very happy together!

what are they afraid of?

she’s minorly afraid of large dogs, and she’s not really a huge fan of loud noises, especially not after the showdown with the brotherhood.

what are their guilty pleasures?

expensive berry smoothies... the healthy “organic” ones.... yeah.... and logan’s a filthy enabler so they’ll be in the supermarket and she’ll be like “oh i don’t NEED one” and logan is like “well... what if.... and just hear me out here pip.... but what if.... we got two”

what was their dream job as a kid? is it still their dream?

she wanted to be a zookeeper! now her dream is to be a zoo vet and so she’s studying veterinary science at langston to be getting on that! i actually don’t know how american colleges work but i know they are cracked but that’s her goal and her ambition and she’s on to it!

have they ever broken a bone?

nope! miraculously she didn’t even break anything when she wrecked her car to face the brotherhood!

have they ever been in trouble with the law?

w. well. yes and no... for a bit she was, but after her dad testified to say the mercy park crew helped out, they were pardoned and so she technically hasn’t been charged with anything, although obviously ride or die kind of hinges on the fact that she has been ahslshsjs

+ three other random facts about them!

because she’s so much shorter than the mpc, logan gave her the nickname “pip” which is short for pipsqueak. she had a crush on ingrid for most of high school, and she and ingrid have talked about this in college and had a good laugh about the fact that ingrid liked her back and they just never knew it. aaand finally she’s learning how to ride a motorbike! colt transferred to langston and he’s been teaching her!

hero mc: ronan bishop

how tall are they?

ronan is 6′1″! tall boy!

how do they tend to dress?

uhhh kind of a hybrid of casual and formal i guess? he has a lot of button up shirts, but whether he’s wearing them for work or personal purposes depends on whether he adds a sweater or a jacket over top! he likes a very clean aesthetic and he’s very neat in his style of dress (kenji likes to make fun of him by calling him a prep ahsjs)

do they like how they look?

yes! he’s quiet and a bit shy, but poppy is an amazing hype woman who really boosts his confidence a lot because if he ever feels insecure he can just message her a selfie and she’ll gas him up until he’s achieved god-like status of self-confidence

are they an only child or do they have any siblings?

only child! his mother fostered some kids in his late teenage years, and still does, and he still keeps in touch with a few of them who were either adopted permanently or outgrew the foster care system!

are they a morning person or night owl?

a night owl! he fights the good fight getting up in time for work, but not without a large amount of coffee and a lot of mournful stares back toward his bed.

are they a cat person or a dog person?

cat person! he likes dogs, but he prefers the more calming energy of cats! you just didn’t see her in hero but he has a pet cat named apple ! she’s a very small light ginger cat and he adores her! kenji and poppy have been taking care of her while he’s in the prism dimension. dax isn’t allowed to because he spoils her and overfeeds her ahsksh.

got any favourite foods?

BIG fan of soup. he made a lot of soup when he first started living on his own because he was working long hours at prescott industries and it was easy to refrigerate and then reheat with some toast and it was nice and warm and reminded him of home! he cooks more now that he has a more solid job and he doesn’t have to work ungodly hours, but he still loves soup.

how about favourite drinks?

coffee is his best friend! he drinks a lot of black coffee, but every now and again he’ll treat himself to a flavoured latte when at brunch with one of his friends. his favourite flavour is caramel lattes!

what are their favourite movies/tv shows?

ronan doesn’t really watch a lot of tv or movies. he didn’t have a tv in his apartment for a while, and he reads books a lot more, but since he finally caved and got netflix, he’s a big fan of documentaries, both tv shows and movies! he’s really interested in them ahskshs.

do they have any hidden talents?

being a superhero i guess ahslshsks! aside from that not really? he’s a really speedy typer but that’s not a hidden talent because it baffles grayson whenever he sees him typing at his computer he’s like “that’s abnormal. how r u doing that” and he doesn’t know. he just does it. he’s at 120wpm and climbing bro.

do they believe in love at first sight?

he’d like to believe in that! he’s definitely felt lust at first sight before, but he thinks it’s sweet to believe in having an instant connection, even if he’s not quite sure one could immediately translate that connection to love.

who is their love interest?

kenji! ronan had a BIG crush on grayson for a lot of their college years but he kind of figured it was unrequited, and kenji being so openly into him and so vastly different from him in terms of mannerisms just really intrigued him! they’re kind of an opposites attract couple, but they really care about each other and ronan was really surprised that he did end up loving kenji the way he does, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

what are they afraid of?

never being able to get back from the prism dimension for one! he’s afraid of hurting his friends with his powers and also he HATES mice. he’s TERRIFIED of them.

what are their guilty pleasures?

sometimes he splurges on expensive underwear that he doesn’t need but he thinks they make him look hot but then he never has the courage to wear them ahskshs. kenji found his stash once and made him do a full modelling show so he’s gotten better with them a bit now but most of the time they stay in his drawer never to see the light of day.

what was their dream job as a kid? is it still their dream? 

he wanted to be a cowboy, but he spent a summer in highschool helping out on a cattle ranch and decided that the life just wasn’t for him, mostly because he’s actually really bad at riding horses and struggled to get the hang of it. now his dream is to get into environmentalism, and he feels like he’s helping through working with grayson!

have they ever broken a bone?

he broke his arm in middle school but aside from that nope! no breakages.

have they ever been in trouble with the law?

aside from his brushes with authority while in his superhero persona... not really. he and grayson did almost get caught for underage drinking once at a frat party in college, but they jumped the fence into the neighbour’s yard and pretended to be watching the party get shut down instead

+ three other random facts about them!

ronan can play the piano! he has a sweet tooth and loves this little artisan bakery just down the road from his apartment block (their carrot cake specifically is to die for) andddd he’s a really strong swimmer! he was on the swim team for highschool and a lot of college!

ask me about my choices mcs!

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

7th December 2017

We were up at the crack of dawn, which is quite literally around 0500.

The sun was so hot already we were sweating like we'd done a marathon. We both thought that a shower wouldn't go a miss but it wasn't an option. I didn't want to make the family feel awkward either, let alone myself.

We sat in the sun eating our breakfast. Suddenly the chickens woke up. We didn't know that we were sleeping close by to a chicken home but we quickly found out. They were so loud and there must've been loads of then. It was obviously their breakfast time and they were 'patiently' waiting!

A woman walked down towards us and the chickens, she went over to feed them to shut them up, or so that's what I would do. She came over to us and introduced herself as Helen. It was strange as we never saw her last night and she was middle aged woman. We thought the lady laying on the sofa was Helen. We got that wrong. It must've been her mother.

Helen said that we were welcome to stay as long as we liked, we didn't have a check out time or anything. She was actually very lovely and made us feel a load better about being in her property. If only we met her last night, we may not have had to wee on her grass. We even went in the middle of the night too... Sorry Helen.

She told us about a beautiful hike up the mountain near by that we would probably love to do. We said we'd give it a go and that we would be leaving soon to do so. It was only 0800 and I needed to put sun cream on. She advised doing the hike before it got too hot.

We got ourselves up and dressed (in the van). We left pretty pronto but we weren't going to do the hike. It was far too hot already, plus it would eat into one of our days in Brisbane City!  

We had an hours drive and we needed to check into a new holiday park. First thing on the agenda: SHOWER.

I done the driving into Brisbane which wasn't too bad. We're both nervous when it comes to driving in Australian cities because they're strange. They have hook turns and odd lanes that disappear into thin air. Sometimes you can turn right when there's no traffic lights but sometimes there are! It's all very up in the air. We don't understand it.

We pulled up at our new caravan park – Ashgrove, around 1030. The lady behind the counter was wearing a 'Hippie' T-Shirt which was the brand of our camper van. She checked us in and we were on our way. She explained how best to get into the city, which is by bus. She helped with what bus we would need and circled out the things to see on  a map.

We parked in our spot and pretty much ran to the showers. If we were in a cartoon programme, you would see green lines all around us. We stank. I guess that's the life of camper van.

We were ready to face the day by 1130. We locked the van up and left for the city centre! Steve and I have not been in a big city since Melbourne so we were so excited to be in civilisation again.

We walked the 10 minutes to the bus stop. A few busses came by but not the one we needed. We probably could've jumped on, but we were going with what the lady said at the desk. We needed the 425 which turned up shortly after. We both bought a zone 1 ticket for $4.60 each (day light robbery). It was 5 stops.

We were shocked at how much Brisbane loves their bus transport. They basically have an under ground world that runs just for them. It was so strange. The majority of bus stations were underground, too. We were baffled. It was just a bus but we daren't say that out loud, Brisbane people may find that offensive.

We got off the bus at Southbank. This is where the majority of 'stuff' is. We walked across a bridge and it showed fabulous views of the city. I just love the skyscrapers. I took some photos and we continued walking.

We came across The Wheel of Brisbane. We decided to go on it as I have never been on the London Eye before. We would get great views of the city too. I was like a child. The tickets were $20 each which I thought was a bit expensive so I checked out Groupon, as I do. As if by magic, there they were. Tickets for two people - $23. What a bargain! We're getting one adult for free, almost. We had loads of money on our Groupon account (thank you Steve) so we just bought them with one click.

We got onto the wheel straight away, there was no queue.

It had such amazing views. Steve said that the London Eye goes so much slower and that it takes about 45 minutes to get the whole way around. This one went round in about 3 minutes and we kept going for 12 minutes. The staff give you a map with numbers and places marked on it. There's a speaker inside which tells you about each place and you can spot it as you go around. Quite informative really. A good job we went on it first. We were able to see where we were headed next.

After the inner child in me was over the wheel, we walked down the jungle like board walk towards the lagoon. Mel lived in Brisbane for the last month or so of her trip. She arrived home in the UK two days. She said that Brisbane was her favourite city and Mel loved Melbourne. We talk every day still and she text me to say, “How long do I leave it before I see you when you're home? One day?”. She makes me laugh so much. Is it weird to click with someone so well, in the first time of meeting them? I know we'll be great friends for a very long time.

Anyway, back to Brisbane.

The lagoon was really nice, better than Cairns. It wasn't better than Airlie beaches lagoon but I don't think anywhere in Australia will have a better lagoon than Airlie.

The lagoon was made up of two sides – pool water and 'sea' water. I'm not sure whether it was salt water but it had sand all around the edge and as the floor. Steve and I are going to spend the day here tomorrow and we pick the pool side, he hates getting sand everywhere.

We walked around the area of Southbank and loved every minute of it. We found a cash point for the first time in 5 months for our banks so we got money out. Australia charges you if you don't get money out of your own banks hole in the wall. They love to charge you for everything here!

After walking about, we decided to go over to North Quay. This is where all the big buildings are and most importantly, the shopping! We had to get a ferry over which was brilliant. They had a ferry system to take you up and down the river so that you can get to different parts of the city. You can walk and get the bus but it's fairly large and why wouldn't you just jump on the ferry?! 

We could get the ferry because it's included in our bus ticket, but we couldn't be outside of our two hour time frame. The tickets expire which is weird.

We had no idea what ferry we were getting on but we went for the first one to turn up. Luckily, we were right. North Quay was the first stop so we were on and off within moments. 

We walked off the ferry and up two flights of stairs (I picked these over the lift and Steve was horrified). We were in the CBD (Central Business District). We've spent many months in the middle of these so we felt right at home. It was a lot worse mind you, being Christmas time. It was lunch time too and no Australian has home cooked lunches at work. They all literally go out for fast food. There's food courts in every street on every corner so why wouldn't you? I would get HUGE if I lived here in the CBD. When I worked at Momentum in Melbourne, Lena always went out to get food. On a few occasions, but not many, she managed to persuade me to come out. Persuade isn't the right word though, I love food so it was an easy decision.

We stopped in the middle of Queen Street. The local police force had a Christmas Concert going on and I was loving it. They had a band playing, mostly bagpipes and they had people dressed up. There were stalls all around with Crime Prevention stuff to take/sell. It was great. It made me miss work though. We watched them for a while, clapping and laughing along before Steve's stomach got the best of him. He was suddenly starving. Actually starving this time though. I know he's mentioned starvation before, but this time, he really means it.

We walked around trying to find somewhere to eat. We weren't short of anything – we had too many choices! I didn't really want to eat out because I'm so focused on saving money but we were both hungry and we didn't bring lunch.

We eventually found somewhere, had lunch and then we were on the move again.

We were in and out of shops, which was stupid really. We're both DESPERATE and I literally mean desperate to buy stuff for ourselves. We hate our clothes and with every right too. They're all stained and mouldy now. We've not really been able to go out and buy anything for ourselves for a whole year which is horrible to think about. We tortured ourselves and went into our favourite shop... Zara.

We said that we would save up for a year or so and then go on a mega shopping spree, just on ourselves. I need to lose weight before I shop for myself so it'll be another year before I can spoil myself but it'll be worth it. Steve wants to get straight back into football so he'll be losing weight too. I literally cannot tell you how bad we want to shop though. We're finding shops and things that we don't normally get and finding excuses as to why we need it! We're delusional.

We went into the big Myer centre to look for our cards. The Myer centre is like a Lakeside along the city street. Half is designer and half is your normal stores. We had been looking all day but we came across a toy shop and kept our fingers crossed. We went inside and found the card section... No Backpacker. We were so sad. If it wasn’t going to be here, in a city, it wasn’t going to be in Australia. We did, however, find Uno for $9.99 which is the cheapest we’ve seen it so far. We bought it and got over the fact that we would have to wait until we were home to find our beloved card game. 

The guy on the counter said to try a different shop on level two. It was a store for card games, mind games and board games. There’s no harm in trying. We travelled to the store and went inside. It was packed. People must’ve been doing Christmas shopping on their work breaks! I saw Steve jump and I turned to look at him - WE FOUND IT!!!! It was being sold for $25 but we had to get it. We loved it so much when we played it at Fraser Island. We were both in utter shock. I’d never pay $25 for a pack of cards but these are fun. 

(I’m bragging about these cards and when everyone at home plays them, you’re going to think we’re weirdos). 

We went to celebrate and get a pint. Steve took us up to a very, VERY, posh roof top bar with a pool. As soon as we walked in, I told him no. We got the lift back down and searched for a pub. I wasn’t dressed for a posh bar let alone did we have the money for it. There were loads of corporate people there and I just felt awkward in my flip flops. 

We found an Irish pub and enjoyed a jug of beer. Cheers! We had a game of cards and left to go home. We were so tired after being woke up with the sun. We enjoyed sitting there, as the sun was setting, cooking dinner. We are absolutely loving van life! We played numerous games of Backpacker before we watched an episode of I'm A Celebrity on the data which we probably shouldn't have. We then went to bed. 

We couldn’t stop saying “I can’t believe we found it!”. 

[treehugginglibrarian]

“I love you, honey”

“You don’t have to worry about the house, grandma. It’ll be taken care of.” 

“I mean, I’m sure it will. The next owners will do what they have to do.” 

“No grandma, it won’t have ‘next owners.’ Its next owner is going to be me. And Lesia. It’s all been decided already. Eric and Rana are both completely okay with it. And obviously my dad is okay with it.”

“You want the house? But… but why do you want the house?”

“Because it’s the only serious constant I’ve ever known. Throughout every part of my life I have visited my grandparents in that house. It’s in a beautiful part of the country where Lesia and I can live happily and still have space. And it’s big enough that the whole family can congregate there if they want. And they will. It’s the homestead. I want it.” 

My grandmother tried not to make it obvious she was nearly crying. But sitting in a Friendly’s, barely eating her food as her appetite had long since disappeared, she was quite clearly touched by my desire to inherit the house my father had done most of his growing up in. 

When I told my dad I wanted the house, he was just relieved because it meant him and my Uncle Eric wouldn’t have to scramble to get it sell-worthy. We can take our time emptying it. Figuring out what needs to be kept, either in the house or with other people. We can take our time completely remaking it into a home befitting a couple with no children, too many animals, and a fondness for guest rooms. 

My father wouldn’t have to say goodbye to his childhood home even as he said goodbye to his parents, because his own child was going to take it. 

To my grandmother, my desire for her house was a sign that she had successfully made it a home not just for her own children, but for generations to come. My keeping it would ensure that all of us will congregate in it long after she is no longer watching tv in the basement, petting a cat, and diligently working on her cross-stitch. 

This wasn’t the last time I saw my grandmother, but it was the last time I had a truly meaningful conversation with her. By the next time I saw her, a time that would be the last, she had suffered a stroke that left her extremely tired and often uninterested or unable to carry on conversations of any real length. At that point, my grandfather had gotten so mean and nasty that my father had basically told the “kids” to say their goodbyes, because he wanted to spare us any further contact with his dad. Such is the curse of old age, I suppose. 

This last conversation with my grandmother followed the last time she ever set foot in one of her favorite spaces, Pleasant Valley Wildlife Sanctuary. My grandmother was obsessed with nature for basically her entire life. In an alternate universe where women her age were encouraged to do things other than teach and raise children, she was an environmental scientist who would have made quite a stink about the state of the planet. That’s not to say that the path that she took was any less impressive. 

She married young. At 18. To a man she had been dating for four years already. My grandfather joined the military pretty quickly, working with computers at a time when “computer” was a terrifying and hushed word that most people didn’t understand. They traveled a lot in those first years, and while my grandmother finished a degree in history and attempted teaching, in the end she found the profession rather loathsome for many of the same reasons today’s teachers often find it loathsome. 

She worked for intelligence agencies and was a member of the Women’s Army Corps, never giving much consideration to the fact that women weren’t supposed to work for intelligence agencies at that time. She raised three children, watched the family go through times of crisis and calm, and all the while she volunteered to help take care of the nature parks in her area. The woods were her refuge. To me, she always seemed happiest when she was watching birds and she was, for reasons that will always confound me, the type of lunatic who would wander onto her back porch to take photos of the black bear in the backyard. I’m still baffled that she never got eaten! 

So it was that, on every occasion possible, I would kidnap her and take her back to a place she had made my own stomping grounds when I was a child. Pleasant Valley. 

We walked that day. A lot. Particularly for someone who was in her 80s and had not-great knees. We talked about life. About my dad. About my grandfather’s forgetfulness. About my job. We talked about the bullfrogs we heard and she laughed at me for continuing my never-ending tree hugging spree. I think a part of me suspected it would be one of the last good days I would get with her, but the stroke that she had a few months later made me that much happier that I had that last day. 

I love my grandmother immensely. I will miss her with every fiber of my being. Her exasperated “LYNDSEY” when I’ve said something foolish, her frustrated “Well, what do you want?” when I’ve refused to tell her what we should have for dinner, and her quiet but firm “I love you, honey” said into the nape of my neck each time she hugged me goodbye. Her small but legible handwriting that is, to me, just a neater version of my father’s own messy scribbles.  

My relationship with my grandmother was fraught, though, and to pretend otherwise would be to lie. She was a complex woman and her relationships with most of us were, at times, complex. When I was around 16 years old, she looked at me wistfully and told me how lucky I was to be as pretty as I was. “Everything is so much easier for pretty people.” My grandmother was no slouch in her youth, sporting a trim figure, a curly bob, and a cupid’s bow that she continued to decorate with electric pink lipstick up until she stopped doing her make-up. 

Despite this fact, I took the comment to heart. It took YEARS for me to accept that I had, in fact, made it through anything successfully on my own merits. Even in my early relationships, I often found myself questioning what the interest or the intent was. Did they like me because they liked me, or because getting a partner was simply easier when you were pretty? What my grandmother likely meant as a one-off, half-assed, compliment, turned out to be an emotional scar that took a literal decade to shake. 

She was also the only member of my immediate family to ever put pressure on me to have children and, for some time, I resented visits with her because of this. My grandfather was indifferent, but my grandmother was quite insistent that the genetic line needed to continue. Apparently, I was the mandatory continuer of that line. Her nagging never brought this to fruition and I know, as she told my mother as much, that she died at least a little bitter about this fact. 

Yet, despite an inability to accept the modern notion of a child-free woman, she had no trouble accepting the idea that I was marrying a woman. My grandparents both met my spouse rather early on in our relationship, with my grandmother concluding quite rightly, “Wait? You can’t be gay. You would never waste your time on men just to please society. That’s not you. Do you like both? You must like both. Oh. To have such options!” My grandmother, jealous of bisexuals, even if she did think we all needed to have children! 

Intensely well traveled, it’s safe to say my grandparents are probably where I got my fondness for world exploration, even if the traveling I did with them was limited to the general regions our family lived in at various points in time. She died having never made it to Australia, something she regretted up until she lost interest in regretting such things. Perhaps this is one of the reasons my father had such an intense interest in the nation that, ten years ago, I dragged him there with me. I will forever remain grateful that she made it to the Galapagos, and I can only hope my own dreams of Antarctica can be as well fulfilled. 

My grandmother was someone with whom I had everything and nothing in common. I am very similar in personality to my father, her oldest son, a fact that has become ever more apparent as I have gotten older. She loved my dad a nearly irrational amount, which in many ways likely drove her love for me, and her tolerance of my eternal shenanigans. She was always intrigued by whatever new ink or piercings I had acquired since our last visit, and sincerely wished that it was “acceptable” for “old people” to get tattoos. I’ve no idea what she would have gotten, but I tried to talk her into it at least a dozen times! 

During my time in the military, my grandparents were my rocks in every single way. They constantly mailed me care packages in which tootsie rolls were used as packing peanuts (remarkably effective) and I have quite a collection of cards and letters from both my grandmother and their friends. It is quite possible their never ending supply of Ding Dongs and Yankee Doodles single-handedly added inches to some of my troops’ waistlines! 

They lived only three hours from Fort Drum, so whether I needed to escape an unsavory personal situation or just wanted to get away from work for a long weekend, I had a built in bed-and-breakfast complete with a side of grandmother-that-spoils-me-rotten a short jaunt from my home. My boss while I was at Brigade was so amused by my visits to their house that she would often kick me out of work early on those evenings, saying “you only have your grandparents for so long. Go enjoy them while they’re here, dammit.” 

One particularly memorable trip saw my drive there interrupted by a call to my grandmother, with me in hysterics. I had passed a veal farm on the drive and the little bitty cow shelters were significantly more than I could handle. I completely broke down and called their house both so they would know I was running late and so my grandmother could calm me down. When I arrived, she told me she’d called Hancock Shaker Village and arranged for me to go pet the baby cows there the next day. That was the type of grandmother she was- you were never too old to be scooped up and treated like you were still her baby.

One of my last trips down there while I was living Upstate, it was my grandmother who made me see the light regarding an emotionally abusive boyfriend. “Honey, you don’t have to be with someone just to be with someone. I know I tell you I want you to find someone because I think it will make you happy. And that’s true. But someone who makes you unhappy is a significantly worse idea than happiness by yourself.” Less than a month later I dumped him and never looked back. 

My wardrobe is populated by vintage items I have inherited from her, my jewelry is speckled with the sparkles she has given me over the years, and my kitchen is eternally rainbow colored because she and my grandfather are who ensured I eventually received the Fiesta Ware I had wanted since I was a child. I routinely eat off actual silverware that I liberated from their kitchen during one visit and polished to a proper shine. I know, I’m a terrible Millennial. 

My grandmother died on February 6 and a little bit of light left the world with her. I know, though, that she got the ending she wanted. She wasn’t in a nursing home. She hadn’t spent the last year of her life, following a stroke at the end of 2018, cooped up and surrounded by doctors and nurses. She had lived the remainder of her months on her terms, or as close to it as she could. By the time she left us, she was tired. She was routinely in pain. She was having trouble staying awake for any length of time or eating any real amount of food. It was time for her to go. 

I’m glad she’s at peace, and intensely happy that I was given the opportunity to make as many memories with her as I was, well into my adulthood. I haven’t the foggiest what happens to people after they leave us, and won’t pretend that I really think it’s all that much. My grandmother, though, will live for me forever. Larger than life, loudly screaming at my grandfather “PERC! Will you turn that down!” and eternally telling me, “I love you, honey.”  

Dawn Marie Williams, somewhere in Minnesota, circa 1991. Fiercely loved by her granddaughter then, now, and always. Rest easy, grandma. You taught us well.  

[bananashemmo]

When We Collide (Part 27)

Pairing: Assistant!Y/N/CEO!Luke

Rating: NC-17

Masterlist: Here

Summary: He is the definition of high class smart ass, swimming in Dom Pierre Pérignon champagne and has never seen the shadow of poverty. She is underprivileged, lives in a messy dorm room on sale and struggles working as an assistant after being thrown out of college. But how will they collide when Luke makes Y/N pregnant after a drunkenly one night stand

When We Collide on Wattpad

“Oh I’m sorry if I woke you up it was just-, It was Ashton saying that I should just walk over and knock for some eggs-, I’m sorry I wasn’t supposed to disturb.” 

The words were flying out of your mouth at once. Your eyes were too the point of popping out of your face and the redness on your cheeks spoiled how embarrassed you actually were.

“It’s okay.” Calum grinned and wrapped the towel tighter around his naked waist, “He does that often. I’m just not used to a girl showing up instead of him.” 

You smiled softly by his explanation but it didn’t stop the redness from spreading. You stood confused not really knowing what to say it was almost like you had forgotten why you were standing in front of his door in the first place.

“Eggs?” He hummed after a minute of silence and your eyes widened again.

“Yes!” You exclaimed and moved your hands up to your cheeks to cover them, “That would be really great, thanks.”

“I’ll be right back.” 

You nodded your head in agreement by his words and watched him close the door again. You mentally wanted to slap yourself for your awkwardness but most importantly you wanted to freak out over Ashton for not warning you.

“Here. Just take the rest of the package I kind of owe it to Ashton. I borrowed some of his last week.” Calum said once he was back in the door frame and leaned over to give it. 

“Thank you.” You smiled and took the package, “Uh-, Have a nice shower.”

Have a nice shower? Really?

“I will.” He replied and didn’t really seem to mind the weird combination of sudden words. 

You rolled your eyes deeply once the door was closed and you didn’t hesitate to sprint towards the door right next to his. This was not really how you wanted to start out the morning and to be honest you could see more through that towel than intended.

“Why didn’t you tell me your neighbor greets people by only wearing a towel?” You barely got the chance to walk in through the door before the words fell from your lips.

Ashton looked up from his morning coffee with a huge grin and amused expression on his face.

“He was naked again? Damn, third time this week.” He mumbled in wonder but he didn’t seem as shocked as he most probably acted like it was.

You rolled your eyes again and placed the eggs on the top of the kitchen counter. He was standing there with a smirk growing on his face and you baffled your arms in the air when he apologized.

“You know next time you’re the one walking in asking for eggs. Calum must almost believe I’m only doing it so I can see his bare ass.” You explained with wide eyes and took a seat on the bar chair right in front of the kitchen counter. 

“No he just thinks it’s nice for some visits. If it would have been me he would just throw the eggs into my face.” Ashton laughed and leaned down to grab a pan. Finally he could start make some breakfast before you needed to get out of the door.

You shook your head in disbelief and leaned over to grab the plates he had placed out for you. It was a tradition of some sort. Ashton and you sitting with the morning sun streaming in from his French balcony and eating breakfast. Which he always insisted on making.

Moving in with him was definitely something different.

It wasn’t that it was bad, you preferred this much more than the high standards in the penthouse apartment.

Sure you were living on his couch in his living room which was also his bedroom but it was nice. You didn’t have to take long walks just to get down to the kitchen and everything was just in your arm reach.

He was a big snore there was never anything quiet. People were making noises from downstairs and Ashton’s colleague and neighbor Calum Hood wasn’t the one to be quiet either.

But it was fun because with a drum kit placed in the corner of the one room apartment Ashton could annoy everyone when it was needed. If he wanted to be annoying he would just play out from his heart until the early mornings.

You really had to adjust to something else. It was almost like taking a step back just like you had when you lived in your old dorm but this was still nicer.

It wasn’t filled with stress and you didn’t have to worry about having Luke running around all the time. There wasn’t the face of horror alternatively known as Holly and her fake long acrylic nails.

You could just walk around without having the feeling of being judged just by the way you were.

“What time is the appointment? We shouldn’t eat for too long if we have to make it in time.” He asked and grabbed your attention with your curious eyes.

“I’m not even sure...” You mumbled in thought and leaned over to grab the papers you were supposed to bring along.

“It says 9 A.M. So we’ve got at least 15 minutes to eat before we have to leave.” 

“Great. It’s done now so eat up for two.” He smiled and hovered over to place the eggs on your plate and some on his own.

You smiled in satisfaction, the cravings had been kicking in and the only way to satisfy them was by eating eggs. Not just eggs in general but you also died hard for tomatoes but only if they had an insane amount of salt spread on them.

Of course this wasn’t like any of the fancy food that was served at Luke’s place but you liked the style of homemade. It reminded you so much of home.

“You sure you want to come? It’s not something I’m forcing you to do I can take the bus if you need to be at work right away,” You had a bit of nervousness in your tone but it was only because you didn’t want to feel like it was forced.

It was just much easier having Ashton to drive you instead of fooling around with public transport. That way you didn’t have to fear not being there at the right time.

“No you said that the last time as well. I really don’t mind besides I think it’s the coolest thing ever. I mean, you can practically see the living life right inside of your belly. Even if it’s not my baby I think it’s the most amazing thing ever.”

You smiled softly by his words and finished the last bit of your eggs. Cravings meant eating fast and since you were ‘eating for two’ you were eating much faster than he was.

“Even though we should talk about the father.” His tone changed a bit but it wasn’t like he was acting angry.

“Again? I thought I explained you everything.” You mumbled casually like it was nothing and grabbed your plate to place it into the sink and start the water.

“Is he coming today?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and you stood quiet for a moment.

“I don’t know actually.” You tried to think back if you had mentioned it but you weren’t sure.

“Since the thing at the lake house we haven’t really spoken. When we do it’s literally only about work and he barely wants to look at me when I greet or say goodbye. He’s literally just as cold as he was right after you know... The baby conceiving thing.” 

Both Ashton’s eyebrows lifted by your words and he looked down at his eggs.

“Where do you guys stand? Like, has the thought crossed you that it might not work out in the end.”

You quietly looked down at your fingers not really knowing what to say. In your head you had thought this over so many times but the realization of your position had not hit you yet.

“I don’t really know,” You said and tried to brush off the goosebumps, “It’s like every time I try to think it through there won’t be a conclusion to my thoughts. It just doesn’t work out that way.”

Ashton nodded his head in agreement and finished the last bit of his toast that he had grabbed along to eat. You looked down at the plate for a moment and took in the expression on your face.

“It’s like no matter what I do, no matter how much I hate him I can never fully brush him off my shoulders.” 

“That’s understandable.” 

You looked up by his words a little bit startled. It wasn’t what you had expected him to say. You expected him to call you ridiculous and that you shouldn’t have such thoughts about a guy like Luke.

“You guys, you have that connection.” He explained and walked next to you with his plate.

“What connection?” You asked with a hint of confuse and washed his plate too.

“That connection only parents can share.” 

You stopped silently by his words and looked up at him. The water was still running but you weren’t doing anything but he didn’t seem angry or anything about it. He seemed pretty accepting.

“I think that is possibly the closest connection you can get to another human. And mostly there shouldn’t be something to break that.” 

You watched him take a step back to grab his working shirt and threw it over his shoulder. He could tell that you were affected by his words but it was a natural reaction he assumed.

“You ready to leave?” He asked just to change the subject a bit and you looked down at the running water that was making your hands feel warmer and warmer. 

“Yes.” You said after thinking and turned off the water.

“Let’s go.” 

The way to the hospital from Ashton’s apartment was a little bit longer than the other one and the traffic was pretty jammed. Not that it was a surprise in New York, you never seemed to walk on the streets in peace.

Not to mention that it was in fact December. People were crowding all areas and driving in cars wanting to get to the nearest supermarked and fill down their trolleys with presents.

Even the hospital had been decorated for the Holiday tradition. It was nice to see that they cared so much for the patients that weren’t able to come home in the most ‘Family brought together’ month of the year.

You almost wished that you could do something more because it was so nice to see that people cared.

“You and your coffee.” You laughed when Ashton stopped in track just to get another cup before you walked into the scanning room.

“What? I’m not the one who has to go back to the apartment and watch reunions of Riverdale until the sun sets and someone comes home to make you dinner.” He grinned and took a sip of the hot liquid.

That was in fact true. After the scanning you would go back home and chill on a lovely Sunday. Ashton had to set up some new security cameras at the restaurant Luke owned.

“I’m not saying you’re addicted, but you’re addicted.” You looked up at him with a teasing smile and hurried to open the door so he wasn’t able to say something back. 

“Morning Dr. Sullivan.” You greeted once you were inside and in her sight.

She was rolling up the curtains of the window and revealed the warm sun that had been following you since you had woken up this morning.

“Morning Y/N. I see you brought Ashton do. What a pleasure.” She smiled and leaned over to shake both your hands in politeness.

“Yeah the best support I can get.” You nodded your head in agreement and took a seat down on the chairs. It had become a routine by now you always needed the little talk just to catch up with what was going on.

“So let me see? Last time we got to see the gender reveal and you also had an appointment with heartburn?” 

“Yes that was a bit urgent.” You explained, it wasn’t something you had talked about the last time since it was all about the gender. You had barely gotten the chance to get inside the room before you literally begged to find out what was hiding inside of your belly. 

“Yes it says you showed up after midnight. Was it burning much because I would have loved to take care of you but my schedules only go from 8-16. Everything after midnight is usually the emergency room and doctors.”

“Yes it was burning in my chest it was horrible. But the doctor gave me a few tips here and there to quiet it down and now I only feel it once in a while. It was pretty scary considering I had no idea what was going on.” You explained and she nodded her head understanding. 

“Yes it does in fact arrive at weird times. Sometimes the body doesn’t understand what is going on but it was the right decision to go get it checked.” She nodded her head again and looked through her files on the computer.

“So, what else? Starting to feel the second trimester things kicking in?” She asked and you moved your hands down to your belly.

“Speaking of kicking. When does it start to kick? I tried to google it but I couldn’t really find the answer it. I was just nervous that something wasn’t right because I couldn’t feel her.”

“Oh no no that’s totally normal,” Dr. Sullivan smiled. “The baby starts to kick between week 16 and 22 so it shouldn’t be long from now. Some babies are just lazier than others and when you feel it you know it’s there.” 

“But how far am I know? I’m getting a little bit impatient I know the scanning pictures are telling her heart is beating and everything but I’d prefer some movements in confirm.” You raised an eyebrow thinking back, you couldn’t remember what she had said the last time.

“It seems as you’re around the 5 months or definitely close. It means that it won’t be long before she will start to kick. She must be a heavy sleeper.”

“Just like her mom.” Ashton commented from your side and you widened your eyes. 

“I am not a heavy sleeper.” You disagreed as Dr. Sullivan checked up on everything. 

“You slept until noon yesterday.” He argued and laughed by your reaction.

You had been battling with mood swings for so long he couldn’t tell what kind of mood you were in. Either it would be you yelling at him for doing absolutely nothing it could be something as harmless as not putting the toilet seat down.

There could also be days where you would be a ball of sunshine. Everything could make you smile but it could also take seconds to make you cry. It was like you could never really know how you were feeling and your head was mixed up with many emotions at once.

Ashton saw it as a fun opportunity to tease the hell out of you. He came with comments he only did to trigger your mood but he also knew where the line to how far he could go was.

He was, after all, still a gentleman. 

“Well sleep is definitely normal at this time of the pregnancy. You will experience your body getting more and more tired because of the weight your gaining and the less you’re doing. The pregnancy fills so much it’s not something everyone wants to admit.”

“Well that makes sense because I feel so fatigue all the damn time. After a long day of week I practically fall asleep on the couch until there’s dinner.” You explained with a nod of agreement to Dr. Sullivan’s words.

“Very and pretty normal.” She said with a wink and folded her papers together. 

“What else? Is there anything I need to know. I’ve borrowed a lot of books at the library but I just think it’s better to understand when someone explains it to me.” You had a curious expression on your face and tried to think back in case you had any questions.

“Well as you’ve already experienced there is heartburn. Also, we’ve got the baby kicking as we spoke about, mood swings, cravings, aches and pain along with your second trimester ultrasound which is the one you’re here for today.” 

You nodded your head by her words and looked down at the papers she was placing in front of you.

“Lamaze classes?” You asked with a quivered eyebrow and looked up at her.

She nodded her head in agreement and pointed her finger on the words you had just said out loud.

“I think this would be really good for Y/N just to get a better understanding of how the birth is going to be and such. The classes can also be divided by age so you can be with people of the same category as you. It might feel a bit awkward and weird but as your doctor and midwife I’d say this is the best choice for you.”

You looked down at the paper carefully. You could only recall the moment from Friends where Ross and Susan had to do the breathing techniques together - Ross being the pregnant female. 

“Of course it’s not something I’m going to force you with, it’s just something I recommend when I think it’s needed.”

“No it’s fine, I will definitely check out some classes and register.” You nodded your head in agreement but to be honest you were a bit nervous.

Could they be just as hard as college classes?

“Good. Just keep the paper and call me if you’re confused about anything.” She smiled and pointed towards the bed with the scanner next to it, “Go take a seat.” 

You nodded your head and stood up from your chair along with Ashton. He took a seat on the extra chair next to the bed while you sat on the sheets and moved your shirt up to reveal your never ending growing stomach.

“So the second trimester ultra-scanning is pretty much like the others. I go check if everything is alright, if she’s gaining as she’s supposed to and if the placenta is alright. It’s like any other checkup but instead of just going it all through and writing it down on a paper I explain it all to you.”

Dr. Sullivan pressed on the button to turn on her machine and rolled the chair to get the gel she always used for scanning. 

“I’ve actually made sure to heat it up this time. Last time you thought it was so cold you got goosebumps on your arms.” She smiled as she squeezed it out on your bump.

“I know but it was also because I had been standing outside waiting to come in and because of the not so hot weather anymore I was almost freezing to death.” You giggled and the feeling that the gel was for once warm was really nice.

You loved the connection you had with her. It was like you could tell her everything, spill all the details about your life and what you had been going through without her judging you a single bit

The last time you were here alone to get the gender scanning you spoke for almost an hour. It wasn’t just about the baby it was about everything. Getting to know each other a little bit better because she was currently going through a big part of your life and seeing the devoplment. 

“So should we see the little princess? It’s somehow so different to look at the screen now that you’ve adjusted to the gender.” She explained with a smile and used her remote to turn on the TV.

Within seconds the picture that you always looked most forward to was plastered on the screen. The  background noises of heartbeat was sweet music to your ears and you sat quietly with a hand in front of your lips.

“Wow she’s grown. You can start to see the face structures.” Ashton commented with a impressed look on his face.

“She definitely looks like you.”

“You can’t see that yet.” You laughed and slapped him in the arm but your eyes were quick to glance back at the screen and feel your heart skip a beat by the sight. 

God you could never not get enough of this. 

Dr. Sullivan continued to run the tests and explained here and there what was progressing or not. The baby girl was having a good weight but she did mention it wouldn’t be bad if you continued to eat a little bit more than you had done before. 

Meanwhile during the chit chats and talk with Dr. Sullivan moving the mouse around the screen to illustrate what she was explaining, Ashton looked over his shoulder confused.

He knew that interruptions weren’t supposed to happen during appointments like these but he swore he had heard the door open but it was quickly closed again.

“What’s wrong?” You asked with a hint of confuse.

“Nothing. I don’t think it was anything.” He replied and shook his head, both of you focusing back on the screen afterwards. 

And with eyes so focused on the screen of your baby girl none of you had taken notice of anything. The door had been wide open but the person standing there stopped in track once he saw the sight. 

It was with a frown and many more feelings to come Luke shut the door quietly on the other side and leaned against the wooden frame. 

He looked down at his shoes with thoughts racing around his mouth at once he didn’t know how to handle or what to say.

With a shaking head he let go of the door handle completely and disappeared down the hall of hospital beds completely empty of words to say. 

[picturesinlove]

London Film Festival 2017 or: the real world sucks just watch films for 2 weeks

I feel like I’ve spent my entire student loan seeing things at the London Film Festival, which ran over the last few weeks.

Was worth it.

#1: MANIFESTO, directed by Julian Rosefeldt, 90 mins

- Originally a critically acclaimed multi-screen video installation in which Cate Blanchett plays 13 different characters, ranging from a school teacher to a homeless man, performing artist’s manifestos in 13 different scenarios. Part of the financing deal was Rosefeldt had to cut a 90 minute, linear version of the piece for a cinematic setting. Provides some super interesting results.

- Clearly a translation, but an interesting one. Making the viewer watch it beginning to end highlights the flaws in that translation from installation to cinematic setting (can get too much to digest sometimes), but when it works, it *really* works. 

- More than anything, made me think about the cinema as a space- question the realms of it and what we’re putting on a big screen. 

- CATE FUCKING BLANCHETT!!!! i am convinced no one could have pulled this off like she did. She’s running on adrenaline and pure bravery. She makes interesting choices at every twist and turn. A masterclass.

- You HAVE to be fully, super awake and willing to give this your full attention from the start. It’s slow and beautiful and wonderful... but it is slow. 

- Genre hops from scenario to scenario perfectly... from Clio Banard-esque social realism to Rachel Maclean-like cartoonish sci-fi. 

- Some things Julian Rosefeldt and Cate Blanchett said in the talk afterwards that seemed interesting (lots of paraphrasing): - The white cube is a prison... talking to people who already agree with you... Cinema has a bigger audience with more coincidental audience members-  Cate Blanchett fans from the new Thor film mayyyy see this... - Ask ‘would anyone be interested in seeing this?’, NOT ‘will anyone like it?’ - ‘If I could say what everything means, I should stop doing art.’ - ‘Your brain attends to things differently when watched linearly’ - ‘Art’s role isn’t educative- it’s provocative.’

4/5.

Opens November 24th.

#2: BATTLE OF THE SEXES, directed by Jonathan Dayton & Valarie Faris, 121 mins

- True story of 1973 tennis match between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs.

- Rousing good fun. A real crowd pleaser. I saw the Gala screening at the Odeon in Leicester Square... the perfect way to watch- with lots of people, all feeling the Hollywood-ised, over-dramatised, over-sentimental beats together... and super enjoying it. 

- It’s less subtle than MOTHER! (2017) about what it’s saying, but has a shining, naive optimism to it that you just kind of have to smile at.

- Emma Stone and Steve Carrell as King and Riggs hold all the moving pieces together. They add weight to potentially weightless, throw-away moments.

- All supporting performances great too- Sarah Silverman the MVP. Andrea Riseborough continues to be a chameleon, effortlessly embodying everything about who she’s playing, and it doesn’t even look like she’s trying. And hey! it’s super nice to Martha MacIsaac back on screen with Emma Stone! Their first time together on screen since Superbad (2007).

- The romance between Billie Jean King and Riseborough’s character Marilyn Barnett is easily the most engaging aspect of the film. The only time it leaves Hollywood feel-good territory. Something so magical watching them drive the sun-kissed California roads together listening to ‘Rocket Man’.

3.5/5.

Opens November 24th.

#3: OUR TIME WILL COME, directed by Ann Hui, 130 mins

- 1940s Japanese occupied Hong Kong. Fang Lan, a young primary school teacher, gets involved in the resistance movement and rises to become a legendary figure in the fight for freedom.

- STAKES. Really, really gets how to set up stakes for the characters. It’s a film about all the small things, the little fights in a war that will eventually add up to victory. Not assassinating all the leaders of the opposing army, just stealing a map that’s been put in a bin in an enemy outpost, hoping perhaps it helps. It’s a section of a larger painting. EVERYTHING feels dangerous. Every character is in danger at every moment, and is always punished for making the smallest mistake. Gives the sense that the oppressive State is ALWAYS watching. It demands you never become de-sensitised to the violence which leads to that immediate sense of danger.

- Had a restrained cheapness to it which I actually quite liked. Every now and then you get some goofy looking VFXs and some badly dubbed ADR, but the restraint keeps everything feeling grounded and human.

- Runs at it’s own pace/abides by it’s own structure, which may be too slow/anti-climactic for some, but I liked it for the most part. Playing by it’s own rules and truly being what it wanted to be... which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t.

- The moments it steps out of the main story and does a docu-drama thing... just why? Came across so half-baked. Similar to the 3 time scales in Nolan’s Dunkirk (2017), there was never really a moment of release, an ‘oh! that’s a really interesting decision to do that!’ moment. Just left me kind of baffled to why?

- Genuine moments of magic that I wouldn’t dream of spoiling. Seriously some of the most creative, inspired scenes I’ve ever seen.

- Some guy (wearing a BFI lanyard??) sitting a few seats away kept repeating phrases from the film outloud in a strange voice? Why would you do this??

3.5/5.

UK release date unknown, probably some time in 2018.

#4: LAST FLAG FLYING, directed by Richard Linklater, 124 mins

- 2003. A Vietnam veteran recruits his two oldest buddies, who he served with, to accompany him on a journey no one should ever have to take.

- Richard Linklater continues to prove he can effortless hop between genres like no one else, but the film is still packed full with ideas he’s played with before.

- Performances are uniformly and predictably excellent. Bryan Cranston’s Sal is like the crazy friend of your parents who’d show up every few years in a beaten up old car and give you a pack of smokes for your birthday. Laurence Fishburne says ‘praise Jesus’ every 2 minutes and it’s amazing. Steve Carrell has a quiet dignity to him that’s really special. 

- Linklater knows exactly what he’s doing with his camera (water is wet), but it kills me to say it felt visually bland like his films never have. 

- Features the best ‘characters uncontrollably laughing’ scene since The Intouchables (2011).

4/5.

Opens 3rd November.

#5: THOROUGHBREDS, directed by Cory Finley, 90 minutes

- Two rich-kids from small town Connecticut hatch a plan together.

- Ugh, just.... what’s the point? It’s not boring, but every frame just had me thinking ‘why is this happening?’ So disappointingly transparent. I could see the director sitting planning the movements and cuts. Painfully ‘first-feature’ like. Should have been a rich, twisted delight, but was just so vapid and empty. 

- Olivia Cooke is one of my favourite rising actresses. Has one of my favourite performances ever as Rachel in Me and Earl and The Dying Girl (2015), and dammit I cry every time I watch her in it. In this... she does a good job with what she’s given. Anya Taylor-Joy is fun too.

- Badly costumed?? So rarely actively think that.

- Music was fun but as empty and ultimately weightless as the rest of the film. Felt like an afterthought to spice things up.

- Anton Yelchin’s character was the only person in the whole film I cared about. Brings a greyness to such a black and white film. What a fucking loss to the world man.

2/5.

Opens 9th March, 2018. 

#6: CALL ME BY YOUR NAME, directed by Luca Guadagnino, 130 minutes

- Somewhere in Northern Italy, Summer 1983, Elio’s life changes.

- Sun-drenched Europe, the smell of warmth and twirling cigarette smoke, deep blue sky- pure, breakfast with a glass of apricot juice and an espresso, the sound of bike spokes spinning lazily. 

I wish I could live with these people.

‘Later.’

4.5/5.

Opens 27th October.

#7: THE SHAPE OF WATER, directed by Guillermo del Toro, 119 minutes

- 1962, Cold War America. A mute cleaner at a government research facility, Elisa, strikes up an unlikely relationship.

- Del Toro just *knows* what he’s doing. It’s all so effortlessly confident. So rich and fulfilled. Such commitment to everything. 

- The first half is fantastical and brilliant. The second.... loses something. Still has moments of genius, but too much plot. Fizzles out in a disappointing way.

- Reminded me in a lot of ways of Edgar Wright’s Baby Driver (2017). Both are clearly projects the directors have wanted to make for a while, both have amazing first acts then don’t quite know what do with themselves. However, Shape has pure heart that carries it through any rough patches. It feels like it’s actually about something, not just an exercise in style for the director.

3.8/5.

Opens 16th February, 2018.

#8: LUCKY, directed by John Carroll Lynch, 88 minutes

- The swan song of Harry Dean Stanton. A 90-year old atheist’s life as he wanders his desert town, drinking, smoking and speaking to old friends.

- Pure magic all the way through. Plays at exactly the speed and tone it wants to play at.

- One of the most engaging ‘but nothing happens!!’ films I’ve ever seen.

- Everyone hits perfectly. David Lynch appears playing a character that has a pet tortoise called President Roosevelt for fuck sake.

- Bleak, but finds immense joy in that bleakness. Whenever I feel like I’m about to face the void- I will remember the smile of Harry Dean Stanton.

- 3.5/5.

Opens January 2018.

#9: BAD GENIUS, directed by Nattawut Poonpiriya, 130 minutes

- Thai Heist-Thriller about students cheating their exams.

- WHAT A FUCKING RIDE!! More stakes in this than most ‘end of the world’ superhero movies.

- The filmmaking is so good it makes you forget plausibility is sometimes being pushed. Amazing set-pieces. Expertly choreographed.

- Whimsical, but painful and genuinely emotional when it needs to be. 

- Every character is so rich and textured in their own way. So fully realised.

- Why do the last 2 minutes of this film exist??

- 2 years time, there will almost certainly be an American remake of this... and it’ll suck so hard. 

- SEE THIS FILM. SEE THIS FILM. SEE THIS FILM. SEE THIS FILM.

4/5.

Opens some time in 2018.

#10: THE FLORIDA PROJECT, directed by Sean Baker, 115 minutes

- In the shadow of Disney World, 6 year-old Moonee and her friends spend the summer playing around the Motels they live in.

- Pastel bright colours. Every person has survived a storm. Explore the wasteland of failed corporate America. Become a child again.

- Baker continues to masterfully blend fiction with reality, wrapping one in the other.

- Doesn’t ask you to like the characters. Doesn’t need to. One of the very best films of the year.

4.5/5.

Opens 10th November.

#11: INGRID GOES WEST, directed by Matt Spicer, 98 minutes

- Ingrid moves to California to become Instagram famous.

- An enjoyable, fun Saturday night film. 

- Elisabeth Olsen as ‘photographer’ Taylor Sloane is note perfect. Could so easily have slept-walked through it, but didn’t. Her relationship with brother Nicky is so, so good. Idea of this Instagram famous rich girl with her crazy, pill-junkie, roid-monkey brother who she knows is terrible but loves him and is sort of as vapid as he is- just knows how to hide it better. And man, he is SO evil. Haven’t hated a character as much as I hated him in a while.

- Plaza holds it together. Her and the film trust you to realise how mentally ill she is without reminding us too much.

- 1st half is superbly played... loses it somewhere in the middle of the 2nd act but picks up again at the end.

- Music was terrible?! Suggested some weird criss-cross in tone of the film.

- I GET IT! THE INTERNET IS BAD!

3.5/5.

Opens 17th November.

#12: You Were Never Really Here, directed by Lynne Ramsey, 85 minutes

- Gulf War veteran Joe is known for the brutality he inflicts on captors of the children he’s rescuing.

- Deeply troubled. Beautiful. Precise. Scatter-brained. Focused. A violin strung too tightly, then played by a madman. How can something so stripped down and raw feel so symphonic and wholesome? I feel like I’ve been repeatedly smashed in the head with a hammer... but enjoyed it.

- Jaoquin Phoenix. Lynne Ramsey. Johnny Greenwood.

- There are things in this that will play on loop in my head for the rest of my life.

4.5/5.

Opens in early 2018.

#13: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, directed by Martin McDonagh, 115 minutes

- A mother takes desperate steps to pressure local law enforcement to find her daughter’s killer.

- Perfectly woven and layered characters. I fucking hate the phrase ‘the character arc’, but if I were teaching a class in it- I’d show this film. 

- A film about relationships, and every relationship between every character or creature or inanimate object is perfect.

- McDonagh loves theatrical sensibilities. Nobody does grand, rich set-pieces quite like him... makes highly stylised situations feel real in the world he sets up.

- I could have watched hours more of these characters interacting.

4/5.

Opens 12th January 2018.

STRAY THOUGHTS:

- Felt spoilt in the audiences I had the pleasure of watching these films with. Always respectful.

- Every time Clare Stewart (head of festival) came on stage to present a film, I just couldn’t help but smile. Bumped into her after a screening and told her my student loan situation. I don’t think she knew what to say.

- DON’T WATCH THE TRAILERS OF ANY OF THESE FILMS. THEY SPOIL SO MANY OF THEM.

- I am consistently shocked by how enamoured I am with celebrities. Some weird conditioning in my brain. Am glad I didn’t queue up to get a picture with anyone. Saying that, this screenshot from a random interview I saw online where I’m juuuust to the left of Emma Stone will live on my wall forever.

ughhhhhh i’m a loser ughhhhh

[dat-town]

A love story to tell the kids

Characters: Changkyun (Monsta X I.M) & You

Setting: college au, slice of life

Genre: fluff

Words: 3048

Summary: You have always dreamt of falling in love with the One in such a unique way so it would be a love story worthy of telling your kids. But you didn’t quite imagined it like this.

Totally inspired by that kindergarten episode of Monsta X-Ray. (And the mall in my town that holds all kind of exhibitions from time to time.)

Dedicated to @restlessmaknae because she deserves all the fluff in the world♥

Babysitting isn't the way you pictured you would spend your first free weekend of summer holiday. University has been stressful and all you wanted to do after you finished with your exams is to relax. Preferably alone, watching k-dramas and eating all those yummy summer food you love so much. Everything was perfectly set up for your lazy plans. So when you aunt barges into your parents’ house at seven in the morning when you are still in your pyjamas you are not happy. Not at all.

You are alone because your parents usually leave for work early in the morning, although it depends on their shifts. You mother is a nurse and you father is a doctor in the same hospital. They met there during their resident years and it’s history since then. A true love story, you believe. It’s the closest thing to love you witnessed first-hand and not in books, movies or sad love songs. The feeling itself avoided you like plague ever since college started. Or maybe you just have been oblivious to the signs.

Since there’s nobody else home, you open the door for your aunt. You are still half asleep while you listen to Bora so you barely comprehend what she says. Something about a last-minute business meeting she has to attend and that she has nobody she could leave Minho.

Your four year old cousin looks at you with just as sleepy eyes as yours and you force yourself to smile. Lucky for your aunt you adore the little guy. He’s the cutest kid you’ve ever met and you don’t even like kids. They are noisy and whiny and have the weirdest ideas about life. Okay you had your own phase when you thought you can travel back in time so you can pet a dinosaur. Still, it proves your point: dealing with kids isn’t a piece of cake and you are definitely not a mother material. You are awkward with anyone younger than ten because you can’t talk about music or books with them.

"Don’t worry, Aunt Bora, we will have a good time. Right, Minnie?" you lightly elbow Minho who seems to fall asleep on the couch in any minute.

"Thank you! You are really a sweetheart! I will come pick him up around four! Please take him to the mall, I promised him he can see the Star Wars lego exhibition. But don’t let him eat ice cream. He has a sore throat ever since the last time I let him," your aunt kisses both you and his son on the cheeks before heading out with a wave.

You plop down on the couch with a loud sigh. That’s it about your plans for the day.

Minho does fall asleep in the end but you can’t sleep in anymore. You try to act like a reasonable adult and look out for the kid. Hopefully he won’t hurt himself or di anything stupid like choke on his food. You got through your first-aid course but you wouldn’t like to perform the learned things in action. Lucky for you, you both survive breakfast and you can wash the plates in peace while Minho watches a cartoon in the television.

You play games later, hide-and-seek and car racing but the little boy gets bored of everything quite quickly. Around 10am he whines about R2D2, his favourite Star Wars character and you have no choice but to take him to the mall downtown. You only give in because your aunt said so, otherwise you'd rather be the firm but good role model for your cousin than the one that spoils kids too much.

As soon as you arrive at the shopping mall, Minho is so jumpy he can’t stay put for god’s sake. You hold his hand so that he cannot run away in the crowd. It looks like Star Wars is still popular these days. Last month’s surrealist painting exhibition didn’t attract near as much visitors. Minho pulls you from one lego statue to another and you have to admit you're quite impressed or maybe there’re coupon days now. These lego figures and spaceships look kind of cool... until the 4th round around the corner. Your little cousin seems to believe he can find new exhibits if he goes around again and again. It makes you dizzy.

After you get bored, it takes at least ten minutes to convince him to do something else. Luckily, he finally agrees with that cute pout on his face to go to the bookstore so you can finally buy that book you've wanted for yourself for so long. However, it was a crucial mistake on your part to think that he would stay put if you leave him alone in the kids’ section to read some picture book until you go to the cashier’s desk. You only let go of his hand literally for five minutes to pay for the novel but he isn’t there where you left him when you go back. It makes you panic, the oxygen seems to be too little in your lungs as you gasp for air.

"Breathe! Okay, breathe, everything will be fine. He’s just playing hide-and-seek for sure," you try to calm yourself when both the cashier and the assistant in the shop say that they didn’t see where Minho went. You ask them to keep an eye on a little kid wandering around alone in case they saw him.

You try to call your aunt what to do but she doesn’t pick up, probably because she’s still at the meeting. You are on verge of crying while you are walking back and forth on the hallways checking each store, asking strangers about your cousin's whereabouts but there’s still no sign of him. You’re about to call someone, anyone, the police or whatever children protection associations exist when someone touches your shoulder gently. You jump at the lightest touch and turns on your hills to face him just to get taken aback by the familiar face.

You definitely didn’t expect to meet him of all people on a casual Saturday in the mall. The cute guy from your Economics class who is now smiling at your startled expression faintly  and steps back not to invade your space.

"Hey, are you okay? You seem a little out of it," he comments carefully forming the words, not at all offending or anything like that. He seems genuinely interested. He must have seen that you were kind of nervous and decided to be so nice and ask about your problem. On any other day you would have brushed it off saying that everything's just fine, that he could mind his own business but hey since we met what are you doing here? However, this is no ordinary day at all and you’re desperate. Even if it means telling your problems to a university classmate who you have never even talked to before.

Im Changkyun isn’t intimidating at all but he’s a very reserved person. He seems a little distant and cold at first because he doesn’t really like strangers. But when he’s with his friends, he can be carefree and a real jokester. You had the chance to see it yourself just before your Economics exam when he tried to calm down the worrying Minhyuk with doing impersonation of their professors.

"I lost my cousin," you reply without thinking, in a pitched voice an octave higher than usual as you take in the guy’s appearance. He’s dressed casually in torn-kneed jeans, a plain tee and a pair of nice sunglasses on the top of his head. Even though his hair is a little messy, he still looks great.

"What do you mean you lost them?" he furrows his brows in confusion and even if it’s frustrating you can understand why he’s baffled. Like how can one lost a child?

"He was there one minute and not in the next," you gulp burying your face in your hands. You feel so helpless and stupid. You had one job, why can’t you do it right?

"I will help you find him,” Changkyun offers so casually like it’s the most natural thing to do. But it isn’t. So far nobody whom you talked to offered help and you can’t name any other guy from uni that would willingly spend his precious alone time in the mall to find a lost child. So to say you are taken aback by his offer is an understatement. You peek out in between your fingers to glance at his boyish face and big chocolate eyes.

“Where did you look?" your classmate inquires while he fishes out his phone to search for the mall’s online map. You are still dumbfounded how prepared and professional he sounds. Maybe it’s not the first time he does this?

"Everywhere,” you sigh so exhausted. “I have no idea where he went. Like I was in the toy shop, at his favourite Star Wars figure and... Oh my god I can't believe it. I promised Aunt Bora I will look out for him. I'm such a terrible person.”

"Shh... don’t say this. You are just human! Don’t take it to your heart,” he tries to soothe you. His voice so caring and deeper than it should be for someone his age.

“What if someone kidnapped him?" you blurt out, your thoughts running a mile a minute. Okay, you know the possibility of such thing is low but you tend to exaggerate in emergency situations and you are not amused that Changkyun lets out a low chuckle at your absurd idea.

“I’m sure he just saw something interesting and followed it. We will find him," he flashes a reassuring smile at you.

"I have no other idea where to search anymore," you shake your head because you feel like the world is crumbling around you. The hope of finding your cousin and Changkyun’s voice are the only things that keep you going.

"Then search where you did already. He can always go back, right? We should split, so we can cover a bigger area. Do you have a picture of him?" he asks as collected as one could get and you feel silly for not thinking about it.

"Yeah, of course. Uhm... I can send it to you,” you tell him, uncertainty straining your voice. But Changkyun takes your phone without hesitation and puts his number in it while you keep talking. “His name is Minho, he’s four year old, around this tall, wears a Superman T-shirt and be sure not to startle him, because he’s a real scaredy-cat."

You send him one of your favourite selfies with your cousin: the one that was taken last Easter. Minho smiling widely, his cheeks covered in Nutella while he sits in your lap. Changkyun doesn’t comment on it but he smiles briefly then he goes back to concentrate on the more urgent issue.

"Okay so we can call each other if one of us finds him, otherwise let’s meet here in about half an hour," he says and you are so grateful that he’s the one assigning the tasks because you couldn’t do it in your current mental state.

"Alright."

"Good luck and don’t worry too much! I’m sure he’s doing more than okay."

"I hope so," you agree but you can’t seem to shake that anxious feeling off of you.

You check the mall from shop to shop once again searching for a boy around waist-height and your heart takes a leap every single time you see someone who has anything in common with Minho. You have no luck this time either and when you check your mobile you can see it’s already past twenty minutes since you part ways with Changkyun. You are so out of ideas you’re thinking of asking one of the security guards if you coul check the cameras or something when the shopping mall’s tannoy system announces in loud, clear voice:

“One lost boy in Superman T-shirt searches for his pretty cousin and tells her not to worry too much. He’s waiting at the front desk. I repeat: one lost boy...”

At first, you don’t pay attention but the second part of the sentence piques your interest and you practically run to the front desk when you put two and two together. Why does he have to be so extra? Couldn’t he just call you like you agreed? You fume but the moment you see Changkyun holding your little cousin’s hand, your heart immediately softens.

“You found him!” you squeal loudly and crouch down to pull Minho in your embrace. You kiss him on the forehead telling him that you worried so much and check for injuries but he seems completely fine. You are so happy that you almost forget about your classmate standing next to you until he speaks up:

“Yeah, he was near that colourful ice cream place,” he says while bending down to ruffle up the kiddo’s hair and Minho who is usually really shy with strangers smiles at him widely. “He is a smart boy. He didn’t want to come with me until I showed him the picture you sent me.”

“But now it seems like you are getting along well,” you remark and both of you stand up to talk more casually while you doesn’t let go of Minho’s hand, not even for a second.

Changkyun shrugs, his hair falling onto his forehead. “It’s easy because he’s adorable. But I worked at a day-care last summer so I’m quite good with kids.”

“I can see that,” you nod and can’t stop the smile forming on your lips as you imagine this well-grown baby-faced guy in midst of pre-schoolers. The sight is too cute.

“Noona...” Minho singsongs as he tugs at your dress and points at the ice cream shop’s neon lights where he was found. “I want it!”

“No you can't,” you shake your head no and Minho gives you a sulky look before turning towards your classmate with pleading eyes. Oh hell, no! They have become best friends in the last five minutes or what?

“Why not?” Changkyun furrows his eyebrows in confusion, not quite taking the little boy’s side but still therefore you explain diligently:

“His mother said so. She doesn’t want him to get sick again.”

“Then what about frozen yogurt with only a small amount of the actual thing and lots of toppings? It can be fun, too. What do you say, buddy? Do you want to eat something better than ice cream?”

You have to admit his idea is pretty decent and Minho loves putting all kinds of sweets - chocolate, caramel crunch, M&Ms, gummy bears etc. - into the big colourful cup he chose. He calls it the ‘rainbow dessert’ and it’s pretty accurate. Changkyun is tagging along with you without a word and he discusses the Star Wars cartoon with your 4-years-old cousin while you pay. The cashier gives you weird looks but you’re not sure if she’s judging you or she’s just jealous. Since Minho holds onto both your dress and your classmate’s hand it might look like that he’s your child even though you both are really young.

While you’re eating each of you laughs a lot and it seems so natural that the reality of the inevitable ending of this morning scares you. But it’s midday already and you have to take Minho home to make him lunch. Even if he can’t eat anything until 2pm because of all the sweets he just ate. But every good thing has to end.

“Thank you for helping me with him today. Not just finding him, for which I owe you big time but everything else too. You made it fun, it didn’t feel like babysitting at all.”

Changkyun’s eyes look like the universe full of bright stars when he answers.

“Anytime. I had a great time. Lot better than spending my time in the arcade alone actually. Thank you for letting me tagging along.”

“Anytime,” you copy him and as you stand there you don’t know what to do with yourself. What should you say? You have no idea but luckily for you, he does.

“Hey buddy, take care of your pretty cousin, okay? I trust in you,” he crouches down to shake hands with Minho and you blush at his words. You are not so sure though that you cousin  understands what’s going on but he nods anyway and based on his sad pout he isn’t happy about going home either. Or he will probably miss Changkyun, too. Because you will, that’s sure. It’s unbelievable how feelings change under only a few hours, isn’t it? A day ago Changkyun was barely an acquaintance, just a cute classmate. But now? You are pretty sure you are developing a crush on him. You have to catch your breath when he stands up and turns to you with a cute, nervous expression on his face.

"Hey... would you like to repeat it someday? But without Minho this time?"

You blink. Did you hear right? Just the two of you? Are you dreaming? You have to make sure he’s thinking of what you think so you ask hesitantly:

"Like a date?"

"Yeah... like a date. If you’d like to," he bits down on his lower lip shyly and laughs a little.

"I’d love to," you answer maybe a little too eagerly but you can’t seem to regret it as Changkyun’s dimples are showing when he smiles.

“Then I’ll text you,” he promises, beaming.

“I’ll wait,” you can’t stop smiling either as you wave him goodbye. Who would have thought that you will leave the mall with planned date? It would surely make a love story worth of telling your kids one day... Woah, slow down girl! Already thinking about kids? What is wrong with you?

You shake your head, clearing your mind when your phone rings and you see Bora’s name on the screen.

“You called me, sorry I couldn’t answer. Is everything okay?” she asks in worry when you pick up. You look down at Minho while you walk side by side and you think of Changkyun’s smile.

“Yeah, sorry I bothered you. Everything is perfect.”

It couldn’t be better.

[wishingfornever]

1/5/18 – No Contact:  Her Words

Ariel’s alright.  It’s a miracle she’s alive with no broken bones.  I saw the wreckage.  So… fucked up.  I asked what happened and she told me that a “Russian Skank” (her words) was on the phone.  That’s all I needed to hear, I can figure out the details from that alone.

She was with two other people, close friends of hers and they form the THREE MUSKETEERS!!!  Her words, again.  None of them got hurt.  One is a bit mentally fucked meaning he’s shaken but he’ll live. Probably not talking alright, could have some head damage that isn’t showing yet but I doubt it.  Doctors would have found it.

Ariel was able to come home from the hospital almost immediately after. That’s good, a bit envious.  If I were in the US with the same injuries, I’d pay twice as more, stay twice as long, and be half as well for it.  The US is not the place to live if you suffer injuries or get sick.

Of course, I wasn’t thinking that at the time.  I was relieved that she’s okay.  She is more angry at the other driver than worried about her own well-being.  She’s bruised, pretty badly.  Her back, which she has had surgery on, is perfectly fine.  No damage there. As stated, no broken bones.  She just hurts but that’s way better than most could hope for.  If this were a tabletop RPG, she’d had rolled a 16.  Rolling a 20 meant she’d walk away, not even a scratch. Not sure how true that is.  Only played D&D once with Jeremiah but it was a rigged game because the GM was a player and the players immersed themselves with loot and progression in video games rather than the story in tabletop.  So, we played it wrong.  D’oh.

Regardless, she’s doing pretty well all things considered.  Like, amazingly well.  She said she should have died.  People say she has a guardian angel, I know the angel’s name.  The child she couldn’t have.

Not sure if I believe in angels or even religion, but something looked after her.  The car looked like it’s damage was mostly on Ariel’s side.  It may have flipped a couple times because it was off the road and I couldn’t see any tire scrapping in the grass.  I’m not certain, though, as I know nothing about investigating car accidents. This would be the first one and I was only compelled to do so because Ariel messaged me, “Got in a car accident; going to bed.” Paraphrased, of course, but I didn’t have time to talk to her.  It would have been quite late for her anyways.

I fell asleep a bit after, watching SovietWomble.  Rather than continue writing, I left it on a cliff hangar.  Bad of me to do so, but I figured I was tired and ready for bed.  I’ll talk about it tomorrow.

Of which, current time is 8:30.  A bit later, of course.  It’s late. My mom and I hung out.  A very busy day.  It began pretty well, sort of… or… not really. I woke up because of my cousin and my mom gossiping on the second floor.  No time for a shower, but I got ready.  My hair was a poofy mess.  We dropped off Adela at work so we had the car.  What did we do with this liberty? We got breakfast.  It was this place called Le Peep.  Food was okay but I thought the eggs I cooked was better.  The sausage they had was pretty… okay.  Kind of weird.  If you go there, get breakfast with sausage patties to see what I mean.  Not links but the patties.

By the way, I’m going to eat meat while my mom is here.  Not sure if I mentioned that.  Had a ton of meat today, too.  What’s weird is that it’s not appealing to me anymore… like… it tastes… less good.  It’s baffling.

Anyways… after breakfast, what did we do? Went to Firestone to check Adela’s tires.  They were going to be finished at 12 and it was like… 9 at the time?  Yeah, about 9.  We walked a short distance to the mall to watch the movie, “Coco” which started at 10:20.  We got there at about 9:40 because my mom hurt her foot doing something and walked slowly.  Weirdly enough, my ankles have been hurting a lot lately and my big toe on my left foot feels like there is an infection near the nail.  She doesn’t know this because she’ll pester me to wear ankle braces that I don’t wear anymore because I don’t do a lot of sports anymore.

Regardless, I was able to ignore my shitty ankles and was walking ahead of her at my regular pace and found myself stopping.  Then waiting.  Then continuing again to repeat the process the ENTIRE day.

While there, I was trying to avoid going even NEAR the ice rink.  Made me think of Esther.  Fuuuuuuuck.  Worse yet, the movies reminded me of Esther, too.  During parts where you’re not meant to cry, I was fighting back tears.  Sometimes, it was because of the movie but initially it was because I miss her.  Whatever, I’ll bring her up perhaps once more and I’ll try to avoid Esther for the rest of the post.  For now, let’s talk Coco.

Janis was right when she said it was a good movie.  I thought I ruined the movies when I saw a variety of trailers and I was like, “Oh, so spoiled...” and I was concerned I wouldn’t like it.  Speaking of spoilers, good luck avoiding them.

Anyways, I go through 3 bags of Welch’s candies which (with a cost of a 24 ounce cup of Coke: Zero cost 19.30; highway robbery) before the halfway point of the movie.  I didn’t even notice.  That’s a bad sign for me but a good one for the movie.  I was very enthralled by it.  I’m sure my mom was, too.

It begins with three Pixar employees talking about the effort that went into it and then wishing us a happy experience.  When it begins, I immediately see the pizza truck from Toy Story later followed by toy story pinatas.  So, there are the easter eggs.  Really early.  There MAY have been more… but I couldn’t see for myself.  I stopped easter egg hunting.  Like, I think I was looking at the texture of a Mariachi’s outfit and was admiring it?  Or maybe I was just looking at the designs and thinking about that instead.

I’m not sure.

Anyways, it’s very typical of Disney.  Young child is passionate about something, family doesn’t like said passion, child discovers himself, the passion, and his family.  Everything comes together.

What I DIDN’T expect was the turns along the way.  It’s like taking a detour on a road you generally follow.  You’re still getting the same destination, but you appreciate a different journey.  This one was very scenic with lots of surprises.

The dog, however… that muthafucka.  I noticed immediately when the dog noticed him and interacted with him.  Physical being touching a no longer physical being.  That caught my eye.  When he didn’t have to pass through this… like, undead shield?  Yeah.  I noticed that, as well.

I started to hypothesize that the dog was more than it seems like he was some sort of mystical force.  Needless to say, it would appear so.  It turns out he’s a mystical creature called an “alebrije” which is like some sort of spirit guide.  I’m not a very GOOD Mexican, so I’ve heard of them but I’m not sure how true that is. I was a little disappointed to see that I was correct as there was no theory to discuss.  Maybe now that we discover he’s an alebrije he can’t return to the world of the living?  Oh, he can. Nevermind, then.  No theories from that.

Of which, those dogs are supposed to be special for some sort of reason. Because they have no hair, they’re very delicate so that made them sacred maybe?  I’m not sure.  I’m pretty ignorant.

Anyways, I noticed a lot more.  Like… they got Mexico down.  I felt like I was at my aunt’s house (Tia is spanish for Aunt and Tio is Spanish for uncle, remember that from the movie?).  There is a lot of dirt in Mexico, of course.  Their cemeteries look exactly like in the movie. I remember my mom chastised me for embarrassing our family in a cemetery.  Our family, not myself.  Our family.  Because we were in front of our ancestors. Try to remember this.

Anyways, their house was a bit cleaner than my aunt’s house but oof.  So similar in the layout.  Not to say my aunt lives in filth, mind you. Literal dirt.  It’s everywhere.  She doesn’t live in a town or city so there are more dust storms where she is.  So… sand blown, I guess?  Still, it looked just like her house.  Then again, I guess it’s more of a ranch at that point.  :/

I think Miguel’s older brother or older cousin.  He was sort of a ditz who polished shoes.  He has this green Mexican soccer jersey.  I noticed it immediately because I have the EXACT same one and I used to wear it a lot.  In fact, he and I looked very similar except my skin is lighter.  That was my favorite shirt for a while which is weird because I don’t like green.  I tend to avoid it, actually.

The plaza… the bronze, somewhat untended statue… there are a lot of those in Mexico.  Mexico is a very old country.  Technically, younger than the United States, but it was civilized sooner.  Mesoamerican peoples, if you want, but more the Spanish began their colonies sooner and had more people to expand with because Spain didn’t make it their policy to promote race.  Rather, they were more fond of religion rather than race.

It’s easier to convert than to change the color of your skin. “Oh, the Spanish killed all the Aztecs and the Mexicans are just Spanish blah blah blah I voted for Trump” shut up.  Just… no.  Shut up. You hear in the US how people are 1/64th Cherokee or some bullshit but they’re so white they may as well be fluorescent.  Mexico? Everyone is brown! “Oh, the Spanish raped them while the US accidentally killed the locals with smallpox hurhurhur-build the wall!”  Stop it.  Shut up.  Sure, probably a lot of rape went down but Indians in Mexico (yes, not saying Native Mexicans, I’m aware) are still a thing.  Like, their culture is still around.  In Mexico City, you’ll see people proudly dressed in old, Mesoamerican attire doing Mesoamerican things.  The Day of the Dead began as an Aztec holiday.  Spain was FAR nicer to the natives than the British or the Americans were.  How much nicer?  Nice enough that entire populations of countries are brown.  There are pictures from the 1800’s of full blooded Aztec men in the garb of the era.  Full blooded.  Meaning not exterminated.  The picture I have in mind comes from Mexico City. Meaning he wasn’t sent to a reservation, like in the US or Canada. Rather it was Mexico, who was the second country in the Americas to abolish slavery, happened to have the FIRST Indigenous Person as a president of a country.  Benito Juarez.  Yeah, instead of giving smallpox blankets to the native population (there are actual records and letters from the 1800’s detailing this happening, so it isn’t fake) they made one president. President.  Of a country. Native.  Slavery was banned almost immediately.

“Oh, well Mexico is still a shit hole.”  Shut up.  Stop it.  I’m running out of straw.

Sorry. Went off on a rant… anyways, because colonization was perhaps easier for the Spanish, they were able to build MUCH more far sooner. They weren’t able to build that much far north, however.  Like in Texas?  Mexico had a hard time getting settlers, so they appealed to Americans hoping they’d settle there and would act as a deterrent to keep the Americans from invading.  Turns out, that’s a bad idea.

Oh, look at that!  Another rant!

I’ll try to be quick.  The Mexicans had three conditions for Americans to move into Texas:  Convert to Catholicism, learn Spanish, and obey Spanish laws.  I can hear the Trump supporter frothing at the mouth, saying, “That’s what we need to do!  Make them convert to my branch of protestantism which I claim is nondenominational but is really protestantism, they need to learn English, and respect our laws!  That means respect the wall and come legally!  And also not leech off the welfare system and be self-reliant!” but keep in mind that the Mexican government was GIVING these people free land.  Not a fucking welfare check, they were giving them the right to settle. They INVITED Americans to move to Texas to become citizens.  There wasn’t this crazy fucking test to determine how American you can be.  It’s such a dumb fucking test and that’s coming from someone who LOVES history.

Citizenship is difficult in the United States.  It doesn’t have to be.  The greatest minds don’t need a filter to get through.  It doesn’t keep the country any safer.  The reason citizenship is difficult is because the US has had a FEAR of foreigners since the late 1800’s. Wop means “Without Papers” I’m told, implying Italians were the first illegal immigrants.  Not sure how true that is, but needing to take a test to prove you’re American enough defies what the United States stands for.  I like to believe that the Statue of Liberty isn’t just a suggestion.  It’s more:

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. "Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she With silent lips.  "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Well, they came with hope and this poem ringing in their ear.  Then they were told to go away.  They were told by they who rest at ease, the wealthy, the scattered few among a nation of many who live without worry that their ivory towers will never fall.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

As I was saying, Texas was a BIG opportunity.  They who came were not tired.  Perhaps poor, but not all.  They didn’t need to breathe free because they already were back in the United States.  This was not the message of Mexico, however.  It didn’t need to be.  They just needed to colonize a piece of land and they needed to be good Mexican citizens.

Catholicism? No problem! Learning Spanish?  It was the trade language in the Americas at the time, so if you wanted to trade with the Native Americans then your best bet was to learn Spanish anyways. Obey Mexican Laws?  D’oh! Americans couldn’t do that.  You think it’d be simple, but that breathing free shit is difficult for an American to comprehend.  They REALLY needed their fucking slaves.  Like, god damn.  Really?  Most of the American Texans who fought for a Republic of Texas didn’t own slaves.  Probably.  However, I can guarantee the ones who actually had any position of power had slaves.  Because a slave is like a fancy german car.  It’s a status symbol.

If you’re American and you’re reading this, you probably don’t own a fancy car but I’m sure you want one.  In fact, if you’re an American and you’re reading this, I can almost guarantee that you don’t have a fancy car but want one because most Americans are fucking poor.  If you were poor back then, then you’d want a slave even if you can’t afford one.

My dad… we saw the Alamo a couple years ago.  The movie, not the actual location.  Him, I, and Jonny.  He actually cried.  “These poor men… they… they fought for freedom!”  No, they didn’t.  They fought to keep the black man down and would later oppress brown people in the Republic of Texas. Nevermind MODERN day Texas.  So fucking dumb.

Speaking of MODERN Texas, I asked a senior in high school who works with me and had NEARLY straight A’s about history.  Didn’t know shit. Asked her about Texas history, specifically the Alamo.  She said, “I think it’s in Texas.”  I laughed because she forgot the Alamo.

But, yeah…  There is a lot more history in Mexico than the US.  That’s because remembering the Alamo is fucking stupid and modern Texas’s school system isn’t teaching the children anything.  That’s why. Also, maybe because Mexico was colonized sooner and had a larger, more clustered population that wasn’t targeted by genocide. Perhaps that’s a better reason, eh? Anyways, I could almost see a cathedral overlooking the plaza.  I don’t remember if there was a church, but the plaza I’m reminded of had a beautiful cathedral.  Almost picturesque.  I was filled with such pleasant memories of Mexico.  Which is nice, because a lot of people don’t have such memories.

The street vendors… that’s something too.  It feels like you’ll see them everywhere.  Sometimes, they don’t even have tables.  They sell their wares and hold it, often walking through clustered traffic.  They’re usually smiling though… weird now that I think about it.  Every minimum wage worker I met today was miserable and had no energy.  Huh…

Anyways… The movies he watched with de la Cruz.  They were based off this old Mexican actor.  Very dreamy.  I don’t remember his name but I remember his movies.  He was basically Mexican John Wayne but more handsome and he could sing.

I did notice that the dresses the dancers were wearing before he died were kind of solid.  Like, I always remember the many bright colors of the dancers but then again, this was a stage play.  Mexican culture is so very colorful.  Like… so colorful.  Of course, it can also be a sort of drab layer of khaki because dirt, but there is still color.  It’s nice.

And on the actual day of the dead?  Omg, a lot of orange.  It was beautiful.  You do leave food out for your family at the ofrenda but I’m not sure what you do with it after… eat it or throw it out? Erm…  Weird.  I’ll ask my mom about it.  The ofrenda requires a picture or whatever though I’m not sure what ofrendas were like before the invention of the photograph.  Even after it was invented, photographs were pretty expensive.  Maybe a drawing or their written name?  Weird thought.

But all that color in life… well, there was even more color in death. Like, fucking shit, Pixar did an amazing job.  Like, holy fuck.  So colorful and the bridge was so beautiful.  The petals that you cross… breathtaking.  I loved the old Aztec designs everywhere, mixed with more modern but still old buildings.  It was… perfect.  Like, I was just… well, I think you get it.

What I loved a lot in the trailer was watching a skeleton try to cross the bridge, only to sink into the petals.  I thought he was like a thief or something and his sins that burdened him made him too heavy to cross, leading to him trying to redeem himself while the BAD GUYS who want the main character dead chase the two and the thief is saved at the end and is able to cross the bridge.

They didn’t go that route.  They went in a far more touching route which is perhaps better and less cliché, as ironic as that may seem considering what I said about it being a typical disney plot.

I LOVED how he tried to disguise himself as Frida.  Frida Kahlo is a Mexican painter.  I went on a walk today with Adela and while discussing the movie, Adela was talking how they made her character more cartoonish because the real Frida was sort of… depressed and under-appreciated?  She was also a Communist, which I like.  The way they portrayed her was mostly out of fun but not spite.  I think the jokes respected her while also taking a couple quick jabs. That said, I think Adela really likes Frida.  She knows a lot about her. I’ll be sure to remember that.

Like… every scene with Frida is just gold.  Or any scene where Frida is REMOTELY involved.

I just looked it up.  Frida wasn’t the only Mexican to be represented.  I guess I was so immersed, I stopped looking.  Like, everyone at de la Cruz’s party was a prominent figure in Mexican history.  HE HOSTED ZAPATA!!!  MOTHER FUCKING ZAPATA!!! Ooooooooh, that’s awesome!  Also, they featured a Mexican wrestler as well as several actors and actresses.  Again, the details.  The pink band is a reference to a mariachi band that I don’t know but my mom does. Can’t seem to find the reference.  Mariachi bands have a lot of weird names, btw.  I don’t remember the one from the movie.

I remember the crowd.  I remember looking at all their eyes.  It was captivating me.  I felt like no two characters had the same model. Each was unique.  It’s just… so much detail.  SO MUCH!!!

Like it’s visually stunning.  And the alebrije of the Matriarch… I said it was Kiki.  Turns out, I was right.  Darling kitten.  And how darling kitten sees itself.  As a fucking monster of epic proportions.  Yeah, that’ll work.

There is a lot I don’t know.  Like when you drink tequila or eat food as a skeleton… where does it go.  Like, they said they don’t have restrooms (which I think is crap because Mexicans are vain creatures who care about their smaller details to the T; except for maybe Frida because she never got rid of that unibrow because she heavily embraced who she was) so they can’t go anywhere.  They just… exist with it.  Unusual.

And there does seem to be a sort of class system as evident by the impoverished communities.  I’m not sure if they have currency… I’m sure they do, however, as they have people who work ON HOLIDAYS!!!  Like, holidays?  Really? Don’t they have families with ofrendas?  They are so dedicated to their jobs.  How do they manage?  And the woman who dealt with the Not-Thief dealt with him again the next year.  She doesn’t take days off.  Rather, she works. So, I literally just googled “In the afterlife” and got a bunch of Christian shit for auto-suggest.  I finished it with “of Coco, is there money?”  Didn’t get an answer.  Got a Cracked article that suggests Hitler goes to the Mexican afterlife but not much else.

Eh, that might be a theory for another day.  I guess I won’t be spoiling too much because I’ll wrap it up.  It was very touching. I saw the movie and felt the right emotions but cried for the wrong reasons.  I tried not to, of course.

Family is everything to Latin culture.  Family is sacred.  More sacred than white families.  Yeah, that’s super racial but deal with it.  My brother is kind but I don’t really know him and my niece… she robbed me.  Mexican families… family can rob you as well, but it happens far less.  You’re expected to love your family unconditionally.  Even if you just met them today, and you will just meet them today.

It… boggles the mind.  I wasn’t meant to be Mexican.  I’m not very close with my family.  I felt guilty because my family… they think they’re close with me, but they’re not.  No one is.  I think my mom feels it.  She and I sat in silence at breakfast.  We can’t talk.  What can we talk about? I feel very disconnected. Maybe that’s why she worries about me so much.  My dad was my hero almost since the day I could form an opinion.  I followed his lead, his beliefs… I did so blindly.  I see him now… he’s different than I am.  We have different beliefs.  We have different personalities.  We’re different people.  I look to my mother.  We have different beliefs.  We have different personalities.  We’re different people.

I don’t feel I belong.  This sounds like some sappy teenager shit coming from a 26 year old.  I don’t talk to my cousin’s regularly.  I used to… maybe I did belong once.  What changed?

It’s getting late and I’m losing control of my emotions.

Edward sent me A BUNCH of texts at once.  I wanted to respond, but I couldn’t.  We had ordered pizza and I was in the same room as family.  Distancing myself, watching old SovietWomble streams.  Maybe I should stop.  There is a lot of uncertainty in my life and perhaps that’s not helping.  I don’t play video games, but I watch others.  A very voyeuristic way to handle gaming.

I’ll text him tomorrow before work.  Edward, that is.  Let him know that I’m not ignoring him.  I want to, don’t get me wrong, but not because of him.  I want to ignore him for myself.  I don’t want to socialize right now.

I got a haircut today, after the movie.  Told you I’d mention Esther… we got close to the rink.  I was ahead of my mom, so I wasn’t afraid of her seeing me.  Of course, there was this food kiosk… delicious stuff.  Esther and I snacked there during our ice skating outings.  They were nice.

The haircut, however, was $18.50 of TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!  Like… eh…  I can’t describe it.  My hair is short, but that’s it.  Because I have a naturally round head, I look like a pentagon with the pointy part facing downward.  Drat!  And my sideburns were uneven! The guy seemed okay, I don’t think I’d like him as a person but he seemed… professional enough.  I could almost hear his opinions leaking out of his lips talking about something REALLY stupid.  I think it was racial but I think I’m just getting overly sensitive…

Actually, no.  I think he was complaining about how someone was late.  Yeah, and the entire day I was thinking that Americans are shitty people because we demand everyone else to be so punctual.  Like, fucking hell.  That’s why I didn’t like him.  Shitty reason, honestly. Maybe that’s why my hair looks dumb.  I’ll gel it back soon.

I lost my hairbrush at the party.  So, I guess it’s good I still have a comb.  That’ll do for now but I’ll need a hairbrush again or a less thick comb?  I guess less thick, just too many teeth.  Hurts my thick hair.  Oh, and silver is easier to spot now.  Drat.  I considered dying my hair before so I might again.  Hrm…

Driving back, a Chevy Camero cut my off.  I was pretty angry.  Lost my temper.  It wasn’t that bad but it was the first time in a while. Not bad.  Still, this dude almost pinned be between his shitty Chevy and a relatively large moving truck.  Not a full on semi but still bigger than the average truck on the road.  I would have been pissed.

I don’t like driving Adela’s car because I’M responsible for it. If it get’s wrecked, that’s my fault.  I don’t like that feeling so it stresses me out.  I plan to go back and get my truck. My mom is offering to come back in July with it, but I declined. Mostly, because I need to pack things because I don’t intend to come back.  And I also want to visit a friend in Dallas. I think she’ll bring my truck in July.  Hopefully, I’ll be gone by then.  Idk.

Had Whataburger today, too.  Not sure if I mentioned that.  I think I did.  Don’t suggest it.  The service was kind of rude.  I compared all these workers to myself and I felt… ashamed on their behalf. Like, I know the job sucks but have a bit more optimism.  Fucking god damn.  It’s soul draining but I still spend most my work days smiling.

I’m great at customer service, too good even.  That’s how I got the cemetery job.  I don’t suggest it.

Anyways, I think that’s everything…  I wanted to watch Ferdinand a while back because it’s a movie about a gentle bull and the message is bullfighting is cruel.  It’d be great if it wasn’t for the fact that JOHN CENA is a voice actor in it.  Like, fuck you, John.  I hate you and your dumb fucking face.  “Can’t see me” I wish I couldn’t, I really do.  You never served in the military, either which confuses a lot of people because they seem to think you have. “Oh, it’s just a character!”  No, fuck that character.  If it’s a character, then change your god damned name.  I hate his dumb face, I hate his dumb voice, and I hate everything he stands for.  Oh, you salute because you respect those serving in the military?  Every fucking day I worked in December, I saw a dumb CGI movie with DUMB fucking penguins called “Surfs Up 2!!!!” with INCREDIBLY WACKY HIJINKS HUR HUR HUR and his dumb penguin representation saluting smuggly.  No!  Stop it!  Stop that! You piece of shit penguin fuck!  I hate you and your dumb penguin face thinking “I’LL SALUTE ON THE BOX ART, HUR HUR HUR!!!” Stop it!  Stop it.

Like… eh…  I think it was a cheap movie anyways, but… eh…  I’m sure the makers asked them what they wanted to be because one of the wrestlers is an otter?  Idk, I don’t care enough to watch and find out.  It’s just John Cena is dumb.  The fact that he’s a meme is also dumb.

Oh, and a few days ago?  I got a prank phone call.  A little kid claiming to be John Cena.  Oh, I hope he calls back.  I’ll start checking caller ID and I’ll fuck with him when he calls.  Please, let this brat child call back.  I’ll tell him the name and inform him that his parents have an account with us and they’ll be charged a fee for “Inconvenience Calls” and that the only way to get rid of this fee is to have his parents explain why they called.  So, this dumb and gullible little child will talk to his parents and tell them they have to call Dollar General because of some contrived lie. Hopefully, he’ll mention John Cena.  I’m sure they’d laugh.

Anyways… I really let loose on John Cena.  But I refuse to see ANY movie with him in it.  Maybe he’s an alright guy in person, I don’t know because I think everything about him is dumb.  Ferdinand is supposed to be a Spanish bull.  So get a Spaniard to voice act.  They got a bunch of Mexicans and Mexican-Americans to voice act in Coco.  Why should Ferdinand be any different?  That’s dumb.  -,- That said, I do want to keep Bullfighting alive in MN.  As it’s fictitious, I can do whatever I want with it.  So bullfighting… without killing the bull.  It’ll be great but I’ll have to work on it.  Basically, the swords are replaced with a non-deadly rubber sword.  It basically becomes a dance with death at that point.  Eh? Eh?! Eh…  I’ll work on it.

It’s 12:09.  I work in… 8 hours.  I wake up in 6.  Time to go.  Good night, I’ll keep talking tomorrow.  If I forgot something, I’ll bring it up then.  :D