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naughtyneganjdm · 3 days ago

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Threads of Desire: A Christmas to Remember - Chapter 4

Summary: After her night with Daryl, Y/N goes into work and discovers that Negan is already there waiting for her, desperate for a conversation. Multiple events lead to the two of them growing closer with Negan starting to realize he was blind to things in the past and it makes him feel guilty.

Characters: Negan Smith, the reader (OC), Maggie Greene, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61111030/chapters/157485796

Warnings: Swearing, Cheating, Angst, Smut, Heavy Touching, A moment of non-con, etc.

Notes: I edited this at 2 in the morning. I'm sure I could have done a better job, but it's the best I have for now. In this chapter, there is some non-con in this chapter that could be uncomfortable for some reading. I want to put it out there beforehand.

Waking up this morning was hard. First, it was the hangover. The gnawing, aching migraine that felt miserable. Even opening her eyes was incredibly hard because the light that was filtering into the apartment increased the ache she was feeling. That was the alcohol hitting her back. Then it was the fact she didn’t have an alarm set. So by the time she woke up at Daryl’s place, she had no idea where she was or when it was. It took a while for her to gather herself. And surprisingly? She didn’t give a fuck when she woke up this morning. That wasn’t like her at all. Maybe after last night she decided to say fuck the world and do her own thing because at that moment? Nothing mattered to her.

At some point during the night she had fallen asleep only to wake up with Daryl laying face first into the pillows with his arm loosely hooked around her waist. Being in that position only reminded her how much Daryl actually wanted more out of their friendship. And that’s why she thought sleeping with him was wrong in the first place. But that didn’t stop her. Which really made her feel bad the longer she thought about it.

Daryl was always incredibly shy. It took a lot for her to even get him to say more than a sentence or two when they were hanging out together when they first started spending time together. And originally she had just thought they were friends. When Maggie and Negan slept together and she walked in on it? She was devastated. And she went to Daryl who said the most amazing things to her. They were both drunk and they fell into one another. Daryl had always commented that she should have fell in love with him instead of Negan, but she always thought he was joking at first. But it didn’t take long for her to realize that Daryl did in fact have feelings for her. The only bad thing is that her feelings for Negan had always clouded those that she had for Daryl. The crush on Negan came first. Part of her had wished she met Daryl first because then she wouldn’t have such conflicting feelings about everything.

Getting out of the bed wasn’t that hard. Daryl was a heavy sleeper. So that meant that he wouldn’t wake up when she left. It took her longer to get ready and before she left, she wrote him a note. Running away without saying some kind of goodbye after having sex last night was an absolute no-no in her book. Putting the note on the pillow she slept on last night, she knew that she needed to head out. Even though she would have rather stayed with Daryl to hang out for the rest of the day instead. Being late today was one thing, but if she was exceedingly late she knew she’d never hear the end of it.

But the biggest problem? She didn’t have any clothes at Daryl’s. She had the clothes Daryl gave her and the dress she wore to the event. That meant she had to run to the store to get something nice enough to wear to work.

But because of her being late? That meant no coffee shop stop to pick up Maggie’s favorite drink. It was her having to run straight to work to get done what she needed to. Which was prepare Maggie for her meeting. Check the e-mails. See if there were any messages. Daily chores that Maggie had for her before Maggie even got to work. Then again? She even questioned if she would have gotten Maggie that stupid drink in the first place. From here on out, she really didn’t feel like running to that coffee shop every morning. What was the point in going above and beyond for someone that wasn’t even her friend and made that evidently clear? There was none.

Getting to work, she wished one of the stops she would have made was at a store to pick up some Tylenol. The headache that she had only grew worse with this cold weather and not having something all day was going to suck. There was no questioning that Maggie was going to be furious with her today. Especially since she didn’t go out of her way to get that drink and she showed up a few hours later than she normally did. Maggie would see that as her being rebellious after what she discovered. And she could only picture what she was in for today.

Last night after they had slept together, Daryl had extensively attempted to get Y/N to reconsider her decision about staying at the company. Daryl wanted her to quit. Listing off all the reasons she didn’t need to be there. And while she appreciated the idea of Daryl letting her live in his apartment for a while, she didn’t want to be a loser. Anything she did, she wanted to do on her own. Which meant keeping her head down and doing what she could here until she could find another job. Daryl promised her safety and assured her she would have a place to stay, but that was a last resort for her. If nothing else worked, moving in with Daryl didn’t seem so bad. It was nice that she had someone who promised that they wouldn’t let anything happen to her. There was just one thing that Daryl couldn’t keep safe. And that was her relationship with Negan’s daughter, Jordyn. Nothing was more important to her than Jordyn. So she didn’t want to piss Maggie off that bad.

That didn’t mean she forgot everything that happened or the things that she learned. Last night confirmed a lot of things for her. And that would change their friendship moving forward. Because now? She knew that their whole friendship was a sham. It was fake. A steppingstone for Maggie to feel better about herself. So that was something Y/N was going to have to live with too.

Waiting for the elevator today was twice as annoying as normal. Instead of pushing herself in with the large group of people waiting to get up, she just stood in the back until she could get a less busy one. But even the sound of the elevator was increasing the tension in her head. And it made her groan out. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she wished she would have just stayed at Daryl’s. This was stupid. She could have maybe gotten away with one day off from work with Maggie. Made Maggie panic a bit. Because her head was throbbing.

Waiting for everyone to get off the elevator, she was the last to leave. Dragging her feet along, she didn’t lift her head until she almost reached the office. But when she did? She felt her chest aching at the sight. Standing up from the couch in the office once he saw her near was Negan.

“Shit,” she muttered under her breath noticing the way that his hazel eyes were locked on her already. It was too fucking early for this and she already felt terrible. With how quickly she rushed out this morning, she could only imagine how awful she must have looked. But him? He looked good. He always looked good. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a pair of his black, thick framed glasses.

Pausing for a moment as she reached out for the door to the office, she wondered what she would even say. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to him right now. After the mess of things she made last night and what she learned with Maggie cheating, she didn’t even want to see Negan for a long time. It would have been nice if there was someone that could have helped her get Negan out of that office, but she knew that everyone else was busy. And no one would do her any favors.

Lifting her head again she realized that there was a drink carrier with coffees on Maggie’s desk and it made her scoff. Assuming those were for Maggie had her rolling her eyes. Well, today would be like every other day.

“Keep your head down, say nothing,” she coached herself, so badly wanting this whole thing to be over with. If she could have gone back and erased everything she said from Negan’s mind, she wished she could have. Then again? She wished she could have erased what she had seen happen between Guy and Maggie too. That would have made seeing Negan much easier today. Pushing forward, she headed into the office. Opening the door, she stepped inside and it had Negan stepping forward. Shoving his hands into his pockets, it looked like Negan wanted to say something but the color drained from his face. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” he repeated back what she had said, his hazel eyes following her movements when she set the presentation drawings down in the corner of the room on Maggie’s drawing table. Right now? She was avoiding Negan at all costs, moving around the office like he wasn’t even there. Heading over to the desk, she sat down in the chair and saw out of the corner of her eye that Negan was approaching it. “If you’re waiting for Maggie, she’s going to be a little while longer.”

“I’m not waiting for Maggie,” Negan grunted, his brow line creasing when he got to the area beside her. Sitting on the corner of the desk, his eyes were locked on her and he shrugged. “I’m here for you. I went to your apartment this morning, but you weren’t there. So I came here.”

Pausing after logging into Maggie’s computer, she pushed the chair back and her eyes connected with Negan. Leaning back, Negan grabbed the drink that he had gotten for her. Holding it out for her, Negan teased it just beneath her nose, “I got you your favorite. Well, what I think your favorite still is after this long. I got you what your favorite was when the two of us were spending a lot of time together.”

Thinking things over, the realization started to set in. Exhaustion was still eating away at her. Accepting the latte that Negan had gotten for her, she took a sip of it. Giving a nod, she set it beside her and cleared her throat uneasily, “It’s still my favorite.”

“Good,” Negan seemed proud, reaching for the coffee that he had gotten himself. “It means my memory isn’t as shit as I thought it was.”

“Why are you here?” she wondered, clutching tightly to the coffee cup that Negan had gotten for her. “And why would you even bother going to my apartment this morning? Last night was a mess. One we need to forget and just pretend didn’t happen.”

“Because you wouldn’t answer your phone or any of your texts,” Negan explained, shrugging his shoulders, a frown tugging at his handsome features. “How else am I gonna get you to talk to me? This was the only place I knew you would be.”

“I have a lot of work to do Negan,” she stressed to him, going back to look through the e-mails that were on the computer. “If I don’t get through all of these, Maggie is going to be really upset with me. She’s going to want me to have these finished by the time she gets here. Plus I have to prepare her things for her meeting today. Usually I get here much earlier than this, but I slept in this morning and…”

“I think you needed to sleep in this morning,” Negan suggested, tipping his head to the side before taking a sip of his coffee. “Hopefully you got a lot of sleep last night after you ran off on me and scared the shit out of me when you wouldn’t answer your phone. A drunk girl running through the streets of New York so late at night isn’t the best of ideas.”

Thinking about how last night went, she licked her lips and shifted in Maggie’s chair uncomfortably, “I’m a big girl Negan, I can take care of myself. And as for sleep? Not as much sleep as I would have wished to have gotten.”

Elaborating was not part of the plan there.

Pushing his way between her and the computer, Negan made it so she wouldn’t be able to go through the e-mails that she did every morning. Huffing out, she snatched her coffee from the desk again and held onto it. Negan’s eyes were staring down at her and she felt like a child in that moment.

“I think Maggie will cope if you don’t do exactly what she should be doing every morning, not you,” Negan suggested, his jaw flexing when he made it clear that he wasn’t about to let her get to her work. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving. I’m here to talk to you and I’m not leaving you alone until we talk today.”

“Negan, there is nothing to say,” she frowned, forcing herself to look away from his hazel eyes. So badly she wanted to tell him everything, but she knew what the outcome would be if she did. Nothing but trouble for her and she couldn’t cause tension that would keep her away from Jordyn. “I was overly emotional last night and I let things get to me. Usually I’m good at keeping my mouth shut. Last night, I wasn’t. Trust me, it’s not going to happen again, so you don’t have to worry.”

“But I’m already worried,” Negan slurred, clicking his tongue against the top of his mouth. “You can’t tell me not to fucking worry when I’m already worried. It’s there. It isn’t leaving me. So fuck the whole don’t worry thing. What I saw and heard yesterday? That’s not something I’m used to. At all. So, I’m pretty fucking worried.”

“You have your own family to worry about,” she reminded him, still having a hard time looking at Negan. Both from what she did in front of him and what she knew about Maggie. “I appreciate that you care enough about me to come and check in on me, but I don’t matter at the end of the day. Especially when it comes to your life.”

“You matter very much to me,” Negan stammered, his raspy voice growing more concerned with the way she was talking about things. “I don’t want you to end up in a place like I was when you had to help me through things. That’s a place I never want to end up back in, but more than anything that’s a place I never want to see someone that I care about end up. It’s a fucked up place.”

“I don’t have time to end up in a place like that,” she assured Negan, taking another sip of the latte that he had gotten for her. Lifting her eyes, she stared up at him. There was genuine concern in his expression and she didn’t even know why. “If I had time to sit to myself and think about all the woes in my life, then yeah. I might end up in a place like that. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately in this case, my job doesn’t allow me the time for that. Is my life miserable? Yeah. Do I hate my job? Yes. I do. Do I think things that I want to so desperately say but then end up not saying them? Yes. But that’s life. We all have to go through things we don’t want to.”

“And I’d like you to talk to me about those things,” Negan explained, sucking at his bottom lip after she rolled her eyes. “Come on, this isn’t like you. The two of us are close and you are trying to push me away so hard.”

Feeling her phone buzzing, she reached for it to take a quick look to see that Daryl had texted her something.

Be fierce today. You’ve got this.

It made her smile that he sent her that. Especially after everything she had gone through.

“For good reasons,” she pushed her seat forward toward the computer tapping at Negan’s hip in attempts to get him to move. “Maggie is going to kill me if her e-mails aren’t checked and finished by the time that she gets here.”

“I want you to take a day off,” Negan announced, curling his fingers firmly around her wrist to give it a firm squeeze. “My mom has Jordyn out for a grandma fun day. So come on. Be a rebel and spend the day with me. Like we used to. We’ll walk around. Maybe go to the Bryant Park Christmas Village. Go to lunch. Find things to do. And then you can come over tonight. Jordyn will be happy to have you there. We’ll play video games, I’ll make you a really nice dinner. We can watch Christmas movies together. Have hot chocolate by the fire. If you’re lucky, I’ll even put those tiny marshmallows in yours.”

“While that sounds amazing Negan, I can’t do that anymore,” she noticed that he wasn’t letting go of her wrist. Setting down her latte, her free hand covered his. A frown tugged at his features with her turning him down. “I have a job. One where it doesn’t allow me to be able to do something like that. I would love to take off with you and spend all day with you. But I’m not that girl that can just drop everything for you anymore. I have bills to pay. Or I lose everything.”

“I think Maggie will understand. She wouldn’t want you being this upset,” Negan thought aloud, but that made Y/N smile and shake her head. “Maggie is your friend and if she knew how you were feeling, I’m sure that she would support what I’m trying to suggest here. No one would want you to be suffering like this.”

“I don’t think that’s at all what Maggie would think,” she stressed to Negan, hooking her fingers with his. Getting him to lower his hand, she nodded toward the computer again. Hinting to him that this was a must that she had to get done.

Sliding over, it was only a moment before the sound of the door being pushed open was heard. Both of them looked to the door to see what appeared to be an overwhelmed Maggie carrying multiple things in her arms. Big glasses covered her eyes and she looked infuriated.

“Shit,” Y/N breathed under her breath. She’d gotten nothing done. The only thing she had done was make sure to bring the presentation that was needed today. Today, she was going to be in for it. And by the time that Maggie finally realized that Negan was sitting there with Y/N? Maggie looked like she could absolutely die right there on the spot.

“Morning,” Negan waved, his eyes following Maggie’s movements when she dropped everything down on the couch. Tugging her sunglasses from her face, Maggie looked between Y/N and Negan. Maggie looked like she could have fainted right then and there. Right now? Y/N was certain that Maggie thought she was telling Negan all about what she had learned the night before.

“Morning,” Maggie slurred her words, letting them linger when she stepped closer to the desk. Lowering down had Negan meeting her halfway in a quick kiss. With Negan kissing her back, Maggie could tell that they were still okay and it seemed like a large amount of weight was lifted from her shoulders. “What are you doing here honey?”

“Well,” Negan paused to consider what he was going to say. Looking back to Y/N, his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he shrugged. “Truthfully? Y/N and I were having a conversation last night. Then she remembered something she had to do and hopped out of my car. So I came here this morning to check in on her. And I was hoping to finish that conversation.”

“What about?” Maggie acted like she wasn’t all that interested, her green eyes hooking with Y/N’s. Shaking her head, Y/N let her know the best way that she could that she didn’t tell Negan about what she walked in on last night with Maggie and Guy. Forcing herself to look away from Y/N, Maggie didn’t want it to be clear that they were communicating without really saying anything.

“It’s kind of between the two of us,” Negan alerted Maggie getting an offended breath from Maggie. Hearing that surprised Y/N. Having Negan tell Maggie that she wasn’t allowed to know what they talked about? Well that was shocking. “It was just a conversation between two friends. I’m sorry Mags, but sometimes I think things should stay personal between two people. If she’s comfortable enough to talk to you about things in the future, then that’s on her. But right now? It’s between us.”

“Now I’m suddenly curious,” Maggie looked to Y/N who dramatically shrugged at Negan’s response. Thankfully Negan didn’t mouth vomit everything. Because that would have been bad for her in the end anyways. “Neither one of you keep things from me.”

Both Negan and Y/N laughed immediately at that comment eliciting a frustrated grunt from Maggie, “I guess I trusted you both more than I thought?”

“There are some things you just don’t need to know,” Y/N stressed to Maggie since Maggie had pretty much made her life miserable over the last four plus years. Keeping her personal life from Maggie just seemed like a good idea. While she wished it wasn’t the case, if Maggie knew about some things in her life she was certain that Maggie would ruin them. Just like she did with Negan and this job. “Do you tell me everything?”

“For the most part…” Maggie started, but the glare that Y/N gave her was obviously directed at what they had talked about the night before. “No, I guess you’re right. There are some things that need to be kept to ourselves.”

“Exactly,” Negan snapped his fingers, a big cheesy smile tugging at his handsome features. “I was actually hoping that you would give Y/N a break today and let her take today off so we could go on an adventure.”

“We?” Maggie repeated what she heard nervously, color flooding into her cheeks. “And by we…you mean?”

“Oh, just the two of us,” Negan wiggled his finger between him and Y/N. Hearing that had Maggie in a panic. And it was plastered all over her face. There was a sense of pride from that for Y/N. “I started to think about it, I considered Y/N to be my best friend before I started dating you. Then we got together and I just started to spend all my extra time with you. That’s not really fair to my friend, y’know? I went from really spending every extra moment I had with her, to spending it all with you. I thought it would be cool to do something with her today. Like old times. Y/N does so much for me helping out with Jordyn. I thought it would be nice to give her a day out.”

“I see,” Maggie’s eyes locked with Y/N and, in that moment, Y/N knew that Maggie was furious with the idea that Negan had come up with. “While that sounds nice, and I’m sure she’d love to do that with you, she actually is going to be very busy today.”

“I’m sure you could survive one day without her,” Negan stood up from the desk, walking around it. Locking eyes with Maggie, he was almost pleading with her to let Y/N go with him. “I’m sure you could handle your messages, e-mails and what not for the rest of the day.”

“You didn’t finish the e-mails and messages?” Maggie looked beyond Negan with Y/N lowering her head down to her hand to bury it there. Oh, today was going to be fun. Snapping his fingers again, Negan got Maggie’s attention and had her huffing out. “It’s not just that Negan. You see…”

“Have you told her yet?” a booming voice caused all of them to jump with the door being thrown open. Getting everyone’s attention, Guy took his sunglasses off hooking them to his silky white shirt. Once again, Guy was dressed very fashionably. To add to the white shirt was a pair of white slacks and white loafers. His dark hair was groomed nicely, a small amount of stubble over his face and his brown eyes were locked with Y/N’s. “Why does it look like nothing has been done yet?”

“I haven’t had the time to tell her,” Maggie stammered, searching for the right words. Nervousness flooded Y/N’s veins when Guy moved around the desk toward her. “I was thinking, I’m not really sure that it’s the best idea Guy because…”

“Blasphemy. Anyone who walks through a snowstorm in the middle of the night to assure that your work is here bright and early deserves a chance to experience what it’s like to be in the middle of everything,” Guy hushed Maggie, reaching for Y/N to get her to stand up and step before him. “What you’re wearing is cute, but it’s not going to work for today. I’ve already called a place down the street. They work with me, get me some things last minute. I assumed your size and requested a dress from them. I’m going to need you to go grab it, put it on and rush back here. They are going to have you try it on there in case it doesn’t fit. They’ll have you pick out some shoes to go with it. Help you through the process. And if you want to, grab some jewelry that will go nice with it. I’ll pay for everything.”

“I uh…I’m sorry. But what?” Y/N felt flustered with how quickly Guy was talking along with the way that he spun her around to get a look at her. Warmth was flooding into her face wondering what the hell was going on. “Why?”

“I’m going to have you join us in the meeting today. I just want to see you wearing something more…Vixen?” Guy stressed, waving his hand about while lowering his other hand that was still holding onto hers. “Maggie and I had a conversation about you. Being here for as long as you have been, I’d like to see what you are capable of.”

“I’m just a personal assistant,” she was flustered, but caught the expression that Negan was giving her when she looked beyond Guy’s shoulder. Throwing his thumbs up in the air, Negan gave a dramatic nod. Pointing to his mouth, he gave her a cheesy smile as if to suggest she should smile. Noticing the way that Y/N was looking over his shoulder, Guy looked back and it had Negan swiftly covering his mouth. It looked ridiculous with Negan forcing himself to look somewhere else while using his free hand to stroke down over his jaw. Smirking, Guy had obviously caught onto the fact that Negan was gesturing her to do something but decided not to say anything.

“Are you?” Guy stammered, his dark eyes narrowing when he gave his attention back to Y/N. And really? She didn’t know how to answer that. Obviously she did more than be Maggie’s personal assistant, but her job title was pretty much that alone. How would Guy know now of all times that she did more for Maggie than she should have. Out of frustration, it looked like Maggie tried to focus elsewhere when she moved around the desk to sit down at her computer. “Give me your cell phone.”

“Why?” she wasn’t sure what was happening, but when she dug into her pocket, Guy was quick to snatch it from her. Attempting to open it, Guy huffed and held it out for her so that she could open it for him. Going into her contacts, Guy was quick to put his number in that section. After, he sent himself a text so that way he would have her phone number too. During this whole thing, he kept motioning her to weight, holding up his index finger every so often since she was visibly uncomfortable with him holding her phone. Handing back her cell phone, Guy reached for his and sent her a text that appeared to be an address. “Something tells me that you will surprise me. So head down the street and get the dress I picked out for you. You know what time the meeting is.”

Yelping, she felt Guy pushing her toward the door followed by him smacking firmly at her ass. That wasn’t something she would really let anyone else get away with. But no one else said something, so she just assumed that she would keep her mouth shut in this moment. Grabbing her latte, she moved for her jacket with Guy watching her closely. Waving his hands to motion her to move faster, Guy sat on the corner of Maggie’s desk. By the expression on Maggie’s face? She was furious.

“I’m going to walk with her,” Negan explained moving around Guy to grab his coffee before moving to the couch to pick up his jacket that he had taken off when he got here. Working it up his arms, Negan pointed toward Y/N who was already headed out the door. It looked like Maggie was about to complain, but with Guy there she simply nodded her head and went back to work. Fuck, she was already nervous enough, the last thing Y/N needed right now was having Negan following her. “Hey! Fucking wait for me.”

“Where can I go? You know the elevator takes forever and it’s not like I’ll be able to sneak away before you get to me,” she pointed toward the closed elevator doors, getting a frustrated glance from Negan as he approached. Hitting the down button a few more times, she knew it would do nothing, but there was the hope that she could get this all over with quickly. “I don’t know why you want to follow me. It’s not like I’m going to be able to open up to you about things on our walk over. I’m nervous enough as it is.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous, this is a good thing,” Negan hushed her, adjusting his jacket so that he had it on properly when he stepped in beside her. “You wanted more with this company and it looks like Guy wants to allow you have the opportunity for that.”

“But I’m wondering why,” she frowned, knowing that she couldn’t open up to Negan about what she knew. There were a few reasons that she figured Guy was doing this. One, he wanted her to keep her mouth shut about what she saw with him and Maggie. Two, he wanted to have sex with her because he really seemed to be stressing that idea last night in Maggie’s apartment. Or three, he was going to test her and if she didn’t prove herself to him, he’d fire her. So either way, none of the options were great. Especially since she knew that he wasn’t doing this all of a sudden because he recognized her talents. Where Negan saw this as something good, she saw it as something complicated and worrisome. Being on Guy Vixen’s radar after last night didn’t seem like the best thing in the world.

“Does it matter?” Negan really didn’t understand why she was acting upset about this whole thing. “We were just talking about things last night. How you wanted more. How you didn’t want to be just a personal assistant anymore. This is a good thing. Maybe Maggie and Guy talked about you and how talented you were.”

“I don’t think they talked about me and my talents last night,” she hushed Negan, holding her hand up because she knew what they were doing last night. Talking about her work was not one of those things.

“Why aren’t you happier about this?” Negan pushed, giving her arm a supportive squeeze. “You should be happy here. This is what you wanted. To feel seen. And now you’re being seen. Which is a good thing.”

“I’m not sure I’m happy with the way that I’m getting it,” she muttered, looking back over her shoulder to see through the glass panel walls that Guy and Maggie seemed to be bickering. Without meaning to, Y/N caught Guy’s attention when he realized that she was staring. Flashing her a smile and winking at her, Guy held up his hand to wave. It had a breath catching in her throat when she realized he was being flirty with her. “Truthfully? I think he wants to have sex with me.”

“He wants to…” Negan paused, looking back over his shoulder at the office just in time to see Guy waving at Y/N. Returning the gesture, Y/N waved and then turned on her heel to face the elevator again. Catching himself staring at Guy, Negan felt his face growing hot. “Isn’t he gay?”

“Apparently he’s pansexual,” she repeated what she had heard the night before from Maggie, clearing her throat uneasily. At least she wasn’t the only person to assume that Guy was gay. “That’s why I’m not so sure I deserve this or want this.”

Negan was still staring at Guy by the time the elevator opened. Realizing that it was near closing, Negan stumbled in and cussed to himself, “I doubt that’s the case. You heard him. He was impressed with you walking through a snowstorm to make sure that the work was done. Which…” Negan paused, his thick eyebrows furrowing. “How did he know that you did that?”

Well shit. There he was using his brain in that moment, “Oh,” she paused. Not she needed to think of something good that was honest without lying. Because Negan could always pick up on her lying for the most part. “When I got to Maggie’s apartment last night, she was there. I think Guy had walked her up to her apartment and they were still talking about…things.”

“So Maggie was home?” Negan confirmed leaving her wishing this elevator was a whole lot faster than it was. Everything inside of her was tense and it was so fucking hard even looking at Negan. “I tried calling her last night and she didn’t answer.”

“She was probably angry. The two of us were bickering,” she was quick to respond, but that also wasn’t a lie. Swaying too far from the truth with Negan would be too hard so she was going to be as honest as she could while leaving some details out. “You called her when she was likely distracted and pissed off. You know how I was last night Negan. I was drunk and not in the best of moods. No one would know that better than you.”

“Bickering? The two of you were fighting?” Negan gathered, his head tipping to the side with his right eyebrow arching in curiosity. “In front of Guy?”

“Yeah, kind of. I guess. He wasn’t really in the room we were in when we were having a heated discussion,” she thought back on last night knowing that Guy was mostly in Maggie’s bedroom when they were fighting it out with one another. After all these years being close to Negan, it was hard not just coming out and telling him the truth. In her opinion? He deserved to know everything. But with the threats she was given by Maggie, she knew that it wasn’t her place to tell him. “It was a complicated situation. I stormed out after our fight and maybe the two of them talked about me? Which makes this even worse for me. I don’t know if they talked about me in a good or bad way.”

“Lemme ask you this,” Negan began, stepping in closer to her in the elevator. Sweeping his finger in underneath her chin, he urged her to look up into his hazel eyes. Giving a weak smile, he shrugged his shoulders. “Do you really care how you ended up getting this chance? Maybe now is just your time. You rightfully deserve a moment to shine and experience things. Who cares if Maggie likes it or not. Or how you even got it.”

“Careful. That’s your girlfriend you’re talking about,” she warned, lifting her hand up to curl her fingers around his wrist. Getting him to lower his hand from her face, she felt her chest aching. The last thing he would really want to do is shit talk Maggie and she knew that. Shaking her head, she could feel a lump that was growing at the base of her throat. The sound of the elevator doors opening quieted them. The elevator stopped more times than she would have liked it to. Especially when she had a specific timeline that she had to get through with Guy. But? The one thing it did have was that Negan was incredibly close to her, pressing in near her with the amount of people that were surrounding them. Closing her eyes tightly, the scent of Negan’s cologne surrounded her and it sent chills throughout her body. It was intoxicating. There was something about the way that he smelled that drove her crazy with desire. Forcing herself to act normal, she spoke up in a whisper. “With the two of us? I’ll see you on Saturday. And we can talk then when we are with Jordyn.”

“Saturday is too far away for me,” Negan refused, biting down on his bottom lip. Pressing in closer to her, the warmth of his breath hovered over her ear and it sent chills down her spine. “And really? I want alone time with you. There is only so much we can talk about around Jordyn.”

“Saturday is close enough,” she countered, her heartbeat skipping hearing that he wanted alone time with her. In the past? She would have ate that shit up. Now? Not so much. “Negan, we spent four years with us having zero alone time together. We’ll handle that.”

Reminding him of how their relationship had been over the last few years seemed to infuriate Negan. Her last comment had him rolling his eyes, but it was honest. So she didn’t know why he got so upset about it, “If you want to talk? The two of us will figure something out before Christmas.”

“Yeah, see. That doesn’t work. I told myself the same thing four years ago when the two of us weren’t spending time together. We’ll make time. We’ll find time,” Negan listed off the things that he knew he would say over the last four years, but they never did. People were now starting to listen in on their conversation and it was annoying that they were. “I want to make time for you. We need to make time for each other.”

Thankfully, before she could respond, the doors were opening and people were leaving the elevator. Quickly making her move, she tried to get away from this conversation, but Negan was just as fast in following her, “Why?”

“Why not?” Negan stammered, the lines in his forehead growing. “You’re important to me. That’s why.”

“Thank you?” she stopped, not sure exactly what to say now. There was too much that was going on between them. Things that he didn’t even know and this was starting to get to be too stressful for her. Reaching for her phone, she copied the address and loaded the directions to the place into her phone. Right now, Negan seemed pretty desperate for her attention and she shrugged. “Okay. Why don’t you walk with me to the store? That’s the most free time I’m able to give you right now. It’s only a few blocks away.”

“Yeah. I’d like that,” Negan stammered, moving closer beside her when she started heading for the door. “I would prefer more than just this, but I’ll take what I can get right now.”

There was a silence between them. He’d never been this desperate for her attention, “So…when is your meeting?”

“In two hours,” she educated him, not sure on the exact time. “I’m still trying to determine what he even wants me there for.”

Wincing out, the windchill that surrounded them when they stepped outside the building was extreme. It was cold causing her to pull her jacket in closer to her body, but even that wasn’t doing much for her. Attempting to warm up in the best way that she could, she took a sip of the latte that Negan had gotten for her.

“Thanks again for the drink,” she did want to show him that she appreciated the gesture. Hell, all she wanted from Negan was his attention for four years. Right now? He was giving it to her and proving that he still knew her enough to get her the drink that she actually liked. “It was a very nice gesture.”

“Of course. I’m sorry I haven’t done it more often. I should have gotten you shit when I brought things for Maggie,” Negan acknowledged, bobbing his head about. “You know what it’s like. You get with someone and your brain gets unilaterally focused on that person. Making you a fucking idiot.”

Just nodding, she didn’t want to comment on that one. She’d been a fucking moron for over eight years at this point with how in love she had been with Negan. So she understood that statement more than he would ever know.

“I uh…” Negan began, his words coming out unsure. Finishing off his drink, Negan was quick to throw it away before stepping back beside her. “I do kind of want to talk to you about something we talked about last night.”

“I was drunk Negan. We don’t need to talk about last night,” she stressed to him, hating that it happened to begin with. More than anything she wanted to pretend that last night didn’t happen. “I made a fool of myself in front of you and I’m very embarrassed about it. So I’m sorry for that happening.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. At all,” Negan refused to accept her apology, his face scrunching up. “I feel like I should have been aware of these things. You meant so much to me for so long and I just…I had to have someone smack me so to fucking speak to realize what I wasn’t doing right as a friend. I needed you to wake my ass up.”

Silence followed. So much could have been said, but she didn’t know how to respond. They were almost to the store, but Negan held his hand out to stop her from continuing. Turning to face her, Negan grasped at her shoulders and gave her an empathetic look.

“I don’t think you are stupid, pathetic or undesirable,” Negan blurt out in response to some of the things she said last night. And it made her want to die on the inside that he was bringing this back up. Dropping her head down, her heart kickstarted in her chest when he brought up the one thing that she wished he would have forgotten.

“I can’t do this right now,” she pulled away from him, her face growing hotter with embarrassment. The store wasn’t too much further away. Hopefully when they got there she would be able to get away from Negan and he would just take the hint.

“You need to hear it,” Negan grunted from behind her trying to catch up with her noticing that she was desperate to escape him. “Please. I don’t think you are any of those things. I think you’re the most amazing woman that I know.”

“Oh, come on Negan,” she abruptly stopped walking, turning to face him with an angered expression. “Stop with the lies. You don’t have to keep lying to me in order to make me feel better about things. Because lying doesn’t help. I’ve had enough of that.”

“I’m not lying to you,” Negan defended himself, his voice growing raspier with him trying to get her to listen to him. “I do think you are the most amazing woman I know. You took a broken person and you made them open their eyes to what was important. Showed me that life was worth living. And what you’ve done for Jordyn…? No one would do that shit. I don’t know how you could assume I would think any of those things about you.”

Giving her a rather pathetic expression with his big, hazel eyes had her frowning, “Negan, you laughed at the idea of me asking you why you never made a move on me. I think that was more than enough proof of how you made me feel last night. I felt stupid. And undesirable. And pathetic. So, there’s that.”

“But it wasn’t…” Negan dropped his head back with a groan when she left him in front of the store by walking away. Following her into the store, Negan stood back to allow her to speak to someone about Guy sending her over. Once Guy Vixen’s name was dropped, the employees were eager to work with her dragging her throughout the store, asking her questions about what she liked and her clothing sizes. “Y/N?”

“Negan,” she looked over her shoulder to see that he was still following her. Leaving him on the street she felt like was a sufficient enough end to their discussion. “This is not a good time.”

“I realize that, but…” Negan paused when the employee pulled out the dress that Guy had gotten for her. They had Y/N look it over before handing it over to her explaining that when she got it on, they would be able to help her with anything that didn’t look right. Heading over toward the area they had people try on the clothes, Negan felt his throat tensing up when they were alone. Y/N was gazing upon herself in one of the mirrors, holding the dress up to her body attempting to determine if she would look good in it or not. “Did you want me to make a move on you in the past?”

All the color drained from Y/N’s face and he could see it with her reflection in the mirror. Gazing over her shoulder, there was a sense of misery in her eyes and it had him shrugging his shoulders, “Did you?”

Instead of saying anything, she turned on her heel and let out an extended breath. Holding the dress in her arms, her lips parted, but she stopped herself several times from saying anything to him at all, “I think it’s too late to be asking questions like that. Don’t you?”

That shocked him. It wasn’t the answer that he was expecting from her. And she simply just stood there, shaking her head when she thought of what to say next, “If you would have wanted to make a move, you would have.”

“Not necessarily,” Negan interrupted her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. There was that annoyed smirk again where she definitely thought he was lying just to blow smoke in order to make her feel better. But he held his hand up trying to make it known that he was being honest. “Y/N, you were my student. All four of those years. You heard my view on the whole professor and student thing when we were talking about what Shane was doing. Having a relationship with your student was an abuse of power and…”

“Right, I was just your student,” she hummed, her eyes narrowing with Negan standing before her speechless. Now she felt the tension and the anger coming back. The only problem? She couldn’t use the alcohol as an excuse with the snark she was undoubtedly about to give him. “Was it normal for a student and their professor to flirt like we did? Or how about me taking care of your daughter? What about us laying in your bed for hours talking to each other? I think we were way past a student and professor relationship.”

“So you did want me to make a move on you?” Negan pushed, his jaw flexing with an emotion she couldn’t quite read. Looking around, Negan noticed that the store was empty except for a few stray employees that weren’t paying attention. “Why didn’t you say anything to me? I kept flirting with you. And you said nothing. I genuinely thought you just wanted to be friends.”

“Oh, come on Negan. Please don’t blame me for this. Every woman wants to be romanced by the man that they are interested in. But they don’t want to scream it from the rooftops that they want you to like them,” she chuckled having Negan’s long eyelashes fluttering. “I flirted back with you. And there were times where I felt like you were going to kiss me, but then it always just felt like a tease. You didn’t want it and I understand that.”

“I was your professor,” he reminded her with a bit of color flooding into his face.

“Negan,” she held her hand up knowing that this discussion was a waste of time. Pointing toward the fitting room, she could barely even look him in the eyes right now. “I’m going to get changed. Please just leave.”

“Y/N…” Negan breathed out her name. He didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t want to hear it really.

Turning on her heel, she went into the changing room and left Negan out there. It wasn’t the time or place for this. It was too much. Getting emotional right now wasn’t in the playing cards. It couldn’t happen. Not with the first chance that Guy was actually giving her.

Setting her things down, she pulled her jacket off and tossed it to the corner of the room. Getting her shirt up over the lengths of her body, she tossed the material aside toward the rest of her things. Gasping out, she heard the sound of the door behind her being pushed opened. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw that it was Negan that was moving into her fitting room with her.

“Negan!” she felt her face getting hot, reaching for the shirt that she had tossed in attempts to cover herself up with it. Then again, she didn’t know why she was bothering. It wasn’t helping all that much. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m not leaving until we talk about things,” Negan whispered, closing the door behind him. Leaning back against it, his hazel eyes locked on hers with her covering her chest. A smirk tugged at his handsome features and he tipped his head to the side. “You’ve seen me naked Y/N.”

“Not by choice,” she half laughed with Negan folding his arms in front of his chest. Thankfully this changing room was big enough for them to be separated, but still. If someone noticed him coming into the room she wasn’t sure how the store would handle it. “I saw you naked because you were fucking the person that was living in the same apartment as me. And she liked to flaunt off your big dick in my face just to rub it in that you were hers.”

“You think it’s big?” Negan grunted, a wicked smirk tugging at his features. God, of course that was the only thing he heard in her statement.

“You’re such a man,” she rolled her eyes, sighing loudly before she tossed the material of her shirt aside. At this point, she didn’t even care that he saw her in her bra. “You already know the answer to that question. You just want to hear me say it’s big so you can get arrogant about things.”

“I didn’t realize you were looking,” Negan stressed, bobbing his head back and forth. “Does that mean you liked what you saw?”

“You were walking naked around the apartment all the time,” she was flustered with him, reminding him of what it was like when she lived with Maggie in their apartment together. “Kind of hard to miss. And don’t even start with that.”

“Fine, you don’t want to talk about that. We don’t have to. But, I still don’t think it’s fair that you get to see me naked and it’s no big deal. Whereas I just want to talk to you while you change and suddenly you have so many issues,” Negan argued, throwing his hand about seeing something change in her eyes. Nodding, she started to work open her pants after kicking out of her shoes. “I want to know why you didn’t talk to me about things back then.”

“Would you have cared?” she pushed down the material of her pants causing Negan to let out a tense breath. Folding her clothes up, she closed the distance between the two of them and shrugged. Standing before Negan in her bra and panties was not exactly something she had on her bingo card for today. “Because I don’t think you would have given a fuck. I was right there for the taking and you didn’t do a fucking thing.”

“I just…” Negan swallowed down hard, dropping his head to look between the two of them. Gazing at her breasts, Negan’s breathing grew broken and she laughed. Forcing himself to look up, Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced. Licking at his lips, Negan felt the warmth of her body close to his. “What?”

“I’m just starting to realize that my breasts are more impressive than I thought,” she explained considering the fact that Guy turned into an absolute mess last night over them. And both Negan along with Shane said something. “Or maybe men are just predictable.”

“We are, but that’s not what this is about,” Negan stammered, his lips parting when she stepped slowly away from him. Since he knew she was about to get dressed, he didn’t know if it would be inappropriate or not to continue to be this way. “Do you want me to turn around?”

“Do you want to turn around? You’re the one that barged in here complaining about how it wasn’t fair that I’ve seen you naked,” she reminded him of what he had just said to her, having his dimples becoming more prominent with the smirk he was giving her. “I guess I’m just having a hard time believing that it took you eight years to realize how I felt about you.”

“I was married for two of them. A mess for one of them,” Negan reminded her with her nodding her head about dramatically.

“And dating my best friend for four of them,” she finished up for him, sucking in a sharp breath of air. “And the sad thing is that I would have done fucking anything for you. I pretty much have when you really think about it.”

“What are you doing?” Negan stammered, biting down on his bottom lip when she reached behind her for the hook in her bra. The material loosened and his long eyelashes fluttered with his eyes lowering down.

“I need the bra off in order to wear the dress Negan,” she claimed, still keeping the material loose at her arms. Even though it was undone, she was still managing to cover her breasts. “If you would like to leave, you can turn around right now and wait for me to be done.”

Standing his ground, Negan lifted his head. The vein at the side of his neck slightly bulged while staring out at her. Snickering, she shrugged her shoulders and let the material drop down. Allowing her breasts to be revealed to him had him inhaling loudly. The reaction was almost immediate with his lips parting.

“If you’re going to stay in here, I could probably use your help getting the dress on,” she explained to him pointing over toward the dress. Standing before him in just her panties was bold. Likely the wrong thing to do, but he was the one that wasn’t leaving and she was on a schedule here. After all the embarrassment she went through over the last day or so? Right now, she didn’t seem to have a care in the world that she was just about naked in front of Negan except for her panties.

“Yeah,” Negan simply said, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip again. Stepping before the mirror in the dressing room, she started to gaze upon the dress. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Negan had taken his jacket off and put it on one of the hangers. Instead of staying where he was, Negan moved toward her. Each step was slow with her straightening up her posture. Going to look back, she stopped when Negan’s arm loosely hooked around her torso. Faintly his hand skimmed in over her lower abdomen having her let out a tremoring breath. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful Y/N.”

She wanted to say something smart. But nothing came out.

The tips of his fingers were rough when they made further contact with the area right below her navel. Now the warmth of him behind her grew closer. Closing her eyes tightly, she knew that she was trembling beneath Negan’s touch with him caressing up over her ribcage and across her abdomen. Forcing her eyes open, she saw Negan’s eyes locked on her reactions in the mirror. There was something in his hazel eyes that showed an awe for her. Negan’s lips were parted, his breathing loud in her ear. Easing his touch up higher, he dragged his palm flat across her abdomen right beneath her breasts.

Dropping his head forward, Negan nuzzled his nose against the side of her neck taking in the scent of her. With a moan, she felt his hand drag back across her chest with the roughness of his palm now caressing over her breasts.

Kissing at her jawline faintly, Negan growled against her flesh with his index finger circling one of her nipples, “You are so beautiful.”

“Negan,” her head dropped back against his shoulder as he dragged his palm across to the other breast to cup it tenderly in his hand. Whimpering, she didn’t know how to respond. Had she never waken up and this was still a dream? It felt all so real, but at the same time? After how long her feelings festered for Negan, this just felt like something her brain would have come up with to help make last night better.

Testing the flesh in his grasp, a growl fell from his lips with him pressing another kiss over her jawline. Pinching at her nipple, he followed it up with circling it teasing at her flesh with his rough fingertips. Quiet cries escaped from her parted lips. In a way, they were both still being quiet since they were in public. Pushing his hand down between the valley of her breasts, Negan lifted his eyes to watch her expressions.

Sliding his hand down the middle of her abdomen toward the top of her panties, Negan pushed his hand beneath the material hearing her whimpering out his name. It drew a fire throughout his body with her left hand reaching around the hook slightly around the back of his neck. Stroking her fingers through his hair, her body trembled when he palmed in over her mound.

Waiting for her to deny him, Negan buried his nose further against the side of her neck. Caressing over her most intimate area, Negan let out a raspy moan with her hips pressing back and her ass rubbing up against him. It was the most gifting thing she could have asked for from him. Only in her dreams had she heard him like this, and those were nothing in comparison.

“Fuck,” he rumbled, kissing at her neck. With her free hand, she reached around her. Flattening her palm out over the front of his pants, she caressed at his body through the material. Bouncing his hips forward into her touch, Negan’s index finger dragged a line over the length of her sex. On trembling legs, she purred and tried not to shake too much.

Working his pants open as best as she could, she dipped her hand beneath the material of Negan’s pants. Their breathing was uneven, with both of them shaking. The roughness from Negan’s short beard tickled at her skin and once she palmed over Negan’s warm flesh, she could feel his fingertips circling her clitoris. With her touch, Negan was rewarding her with tiny moans. The warmth of him felt incredible against her hand with him slightly bucking up toward her touch. Each passing second had Negan’s caress over her body growing harder and she was doing her best to stand steady on her feet.

“Fuck…” Negan’s voice was raspy with her fingers curling around his girthy length, working to jerk him off to the best of her ability in the position that they were in. Panting, Negan licked his lips and his eyes met hers again in the mirror. Dragging his bottom lip across her jawline, Negan hissed out along with her grasp tightening around his body.

“How’s it going in there?” the employee’s voice called out having Y/N pulling her hand from Negan’s pants causing a muted groan to fall from him. Reaching for Negan’s wrist, she stopped his touch with him still cuddling his head in against the side of her neck. “Do you need some help?”

“No, I’m fine,” she declared, fighting like hell to keep it together after the way they had been touching each other. Listening carefully, she made sure that the person was gone. Still locked in on the moment, Negan’s caress started back up. There was something that drew attention to the lust in his eyes. “Negan…fuck, Negan stop.”

Yanking his hand from her panties, she stumbled forward. Bracing her arms against the mirror, she dropped her head forward and tried to get her body to calm down. Licking her lips, she felt an ache inside of her. All of her desperately wanted to continue, but she knew it would lead to nothing good.

“We can’t do this,” she finally blurt out, looking over her shoulder at Negan. Both of their breathing was still uneven. The bulge at the center of Negan’s pants drew her attention and she immediately regretted that she stopped this, but knew it was for the best. “You don’t want this.”

“I just…” Negan lifted his hand to drag it down over the front of his face in a moment of confusion. Falling back into the corner of the room, Negan’s eyes grew wide with him cussing under his breath to himself. Starting to work back together his pants allowed her time to catch her breath. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she lied. It really wasn’t fine, but what could she tell him? Working on the dress, she had some issues, but was surprised that Negan was helping to get the dress over her body. Even though they both had realized what they had done, Negan’s fingers were slow with caressing at her bare shoulders and then over her back. Dragging the zipper up, Negan’s eyes locked with hers. There was a rose color to his cheeks. It looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. “Thank you.”

Taking a step back to look at herself in the mirror, she realized that it was tight fitting in some areas, but she assumed those were the areas that Guy wanted her to be focused on.

“What just happened…” Negan began, dragging his thumb out across his bottom lip.

“It was nothing,” she interrupted him, not wanting him to overthink this whole thing. “I had been working you up since last night. It was a moment of heated tension, and it didn’t go anywhere. Don’t worry about it. You were feeling guilty about everything…”

“But I wasn’t,” Negan defended himself, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. A defeated sound followed with her phone going off. Grabbing it, she looked to see that it was Guy asking where she was. “I think we need to talk about us.”

“There is no us in the terms of us needing to talk about it,” she suggested, taking another look at the dress in the mirror. “Do I look okay? Because I have to rush to this meeting.”

Right now, she was breathless. It was going to be hard to think about anything other than this moment while she was in that meeting. Facing Maggie would be hard, but it was undoubtedly a moment she would have to get over. There was a reason they were stopped and they probably should have never done it to begin with.

“You look beautiful,” Negan assured her, reaching for his jacket as she gathered her things. Dropping his hands down at his sides, Negan licked his lips and let out a long exhale. “You wanted me to touch you like that, right?”

“Did you want to touch me like that?” she was quick to respond, pulling her jacket on after shoving her clothes in the bag that she had with her.

“I mean…” Negan lowered his head to look down to the very obvious bulge that was still in his jeans. There was a severe ache from the lack of his release and she was the one that stopped him. Not the other way around. “Obviously.”

“Why now and not four years ago?” she stammered with Negan attempting to think of an answer, but the sound of her phone going off was heard again. Rolling her eyes, she dropped her head back in defeat realizing this would go nowhere. “I have to leave Negan.”

Stepping forward, he huffed with her holding out her hand to keep a distance between the two of them, “I have a feeling that later you are going to regret this. Especially after you have time to think about this. So, I’m just going to leave Negan. I have to go.”

And with that, she was quick to leave the dressing room. Checking to make sure everything was okay with the store, she was eager to get back to the office. That meant she took whatever shoes they gave her, put on the jewelry they handed over and she barely even looked at herself. Moving faster than she would have liked to in the shoes that she had put on. In the snow, it made it hard to walk, but she was doing her best.

By the time she got up the elevator, Guy was sitting on the corner of someone’s desk motioning her to move quickly, “What took you so long?”

“I just wanted to make sure that I looked perfect,” she was out of breath both from what happened with Negan and rushing here.

“Open the jacket,” Guy demanded with her doing as he asked. Giving an approving nod, he waved her forward. “I want you to be relaxed. I want you to do what feels right and where we go from there…we’ll see.”

----

“You’re really quiet tonight,” a voice pulled Negan’s attention from what he was doing. Lifting his head, Negan’s eyes followed Maggie’s movements after she had just gotten out of his bathroom after a shower. She was stroking the towel she had through her hair and Negan shifted on the bed uncomfortably.

For the last hour or so Negan had been going through photos that he had on his phone. Y/N was right. Once he started thinking about the things that happened earlier, he started feeling guilty. He had been with Maggie for four years. Not once had he ever considered cheating on Maggie. After he had a tough relationship with Lucille during some of their hardships, Negan swore he would never cheat on someone again. Yet, he got pretty close to it and he was certain that Maggie would have considered it cheating.

“I’m not quiet,” Negan stammered, trying to keep things normal between them. “Just tired.”

“You’re a big mouth Negan,” Maggie pointed out, looking back over her shoulder at Negan. Tipping his head from side to side, Negan got more comfortable on the bed before looking to his phone again. “What has your head buried in that phone tonight?”

“I was just looking at some photos,” Negan explained letting out a long sigh. Truthfully? He was looking at photos he had taken during the years involving Y/N. “Around this time of the year, I get sentimental. Especially after losing Lucille near the holidays.”

“That’s sweet,” Maggie frowned, setting the towel she had been using to dry her hair off on his dresser. Tensing up, Negan’s hazel eyes focused on that towel. He hated when she did things like that, but she had gotten mad at him so many times in the past for correcting her that he was doing his best to hold it in. Making sure that the towel that was around her body was still hooked together firmly, Maggie lowered down on the bed to sit beside Negan. “So what was the conversation about with Y/N that you were desperate to talk to her?”

“I told you…” Negan exhaled loudly, setting his phone aside when Maggie’s fingers pushed at the bottom of his shirt. Getting it to the center of his chest, Maggie started palming across his lower abdomen eliciting a sigh from him. Sliding in closer, her fingers danced across his flesh until reaching his pajama pants. Pushing her hand beneath the material had Negan’s eyes slamming shut tightly when her fingers made contact with his manhood. “There are some things you need to keep to yourself.”

“I’m not allowed to be curious? My best friend and my boyfriend are deep in conversation and I’m not allowed to know what about?” Maggie bit down on her bottom lip, taking her time to tease at Negan’s flesh.

“You can be curious, but that doesn’t mean that I have to tell you,” Negan looked to the time to make sure that Jordyn would be asleep. It had been a few hours since she had gone to bed, so Negan assumed it would be okay for them to do something like this. Maggie’s grip grew with Negan’s comment causing him to groan out. “Why are you so desperate to know?”

“Well what am I supposed to think when the two of you keep secrets from me?” she wondered, adjusting her wet hair over her shoulder. Each caress over Negan’s body had him growing harder in her grasp which was a good sign for her.

“We’re good friends Maggie,” Negan stressed to her, his breathing growing louder with her caress becoming faster. Between broken breaths, Negan licked at his lips appreciating the touch. “I knew her before I knew you. And we’re close…”

“Not that close,” Maggie countered, her brow line creasing. There was a silence that filled the air while she considered her next comment. “Maybe before you were dating me the two of you were close. Since then, she’s really only around for Jordyn.”

“And that’s my fault because I should have been a better friend,” Negan insisted, his lower abdomen sinking in with a sharp inhale of a breath. “I should have put equal amounts of time into both you and her.”

“Gee, thanks,” Maggie snorted working her hand harder over Negan’s throbbing erection. Hearing that didn’t make her happy because she liked being the center of Negan’s world beyond his daughter.

“You know what I mean,” Negan rolled his eyes, dropping his head back with a moan. Licking his lips, his eyes slammed shut when Maggie started to tug at the material of his pants to get them down in the front allowing her more room to touch him. “Maggie?”

“Mhmm?” her eyes were focused on what she was doing in pumping her hand over his length.

“What was it about me that you liked?” Negan wondered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. It was something he had been considering lately. An amused rumble escaped her with her movements slowing down. “What drew you to me?”

“You were hot?” Maggie was blunt, a tiny laugh following. “Have you looked at yourself lately Negan? You were this tall, dark and handsome type. With a killer smile and those dimples. Who wouldn’t be interested in you?”

“That’s it?” Negan winced when her movements stopped all together. It had his hips bouncing up toward her grasp, but she didn’t continue.

“What else would it be?” she inquired, her eyebrow arching in a moment of confusion.

“I didn’t know if there was some ulterior motive,” Negan whined when Maggie pulled her hand away from his aching flesh.

“What kind of motive?” Maggie looked suspicious now that Negan was questioning why she hooked up with him in the first place. “I thought you were hot. So I let you know and we fucked. What more is there to say?”

“I…I don’t know,” Negan let his words linger. There were a lot of thoughts he had been having since the other night. Things he really shouldn’t have been thinking about, but he was. “What’s your favorite thing about me?”

“What’s with the deep conversation all of a sudden?” she laughed, curling her fingers back around his girthy length having his hips arch up toward her touch. “Usually we talk about our day and either fuck or go to sleep. Our relationship has never really been built on much more.”

“That’s all you think our relationship is?” Negan confirmed, sucking in a sharp breath of air and dropping his head back.

“What do you want from this Negan? Do you want me to keep jerking you off? Do you want me to have sex with you? Or…?” Maggie seemed frustrated, her green eyes narrowing. Pulling her hand from Negan’s member had it smacking up against his lower abdomen with him wincing. “You’re not acting like you.”

“How am I supposed to act?” Negan scoffed with his cock aching after getting it harder for the second time today with no release.

“I don’t know Negan, I’m in a towel stroking your dick and you’re looking for some kind of deep conversation from me,” she retorted, standing up from the bed and snatching the towel that she had left on the dresser. “Maybe you should be taking the towel off of me and fucking me.”

“So sex is the primary thing you want from me?” Negan doubled down on his question which had her laughing at him.

Tossing the towel in the hamper, she threw her hands up and nodded, “I mean having sex is what we do best. Right?”

“Is it?” Negan had a bit of attitude in the way he was responding to her. “If we’re going to be a couple for the rest of our lives, don’t you think we should have some kind of something fucking deeper between us? Where we can actually talk about the things that are on our mind.”

“Baby,” Maggie began, crawling onto the bed. Moving in over him, she lowered down to start pressing kisses at his lower abdomen. Then down over to his hip where the v-line was. “You’re not a deep person. You cuss. You joke. And we fuck. The only deep you like is being balls deep. Fucking is what you’re good at. Being someone who wants to connect on an emotional level is not you. We got together because you wanted to fuck me. Not because you wanted to connect on an emotional level. If that’s what you wanted, you would have hooked up with Y/N. Not me.”

“Hey,” Negan stopped her, his head tipping to the side. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Come on Negan,” she half laughed, hovering her mouth over Negan’s length. Her green eyes were locked on his, an amused expression over her features. “You had to know that Y/N was head over heels in love with you. You had four years of an opportunity to make your move on her. You didn’t want her, you wanted me. She was the one you could make an emotional connection with. I was the one that you could fuck senseless. You picked me.”

Hearing Maggie say that aloud had Negan pulling up into a seated position with his back leaning against the headboard, “Oh come on. Don’t pretend like you didn’t know. You think some girl is just going to start being mommy to your child because she’s good and kindhearted? You knew she was in love with you. And you made it very clear that you didn’t care.”

“I didn’t know how she felt about me back then,” Negan denied that he was the way that Maggie was insisting that he was. “The first two years I was married and then the next two…”

“What is this going to do?” she got on her knees, irritation flooding her veins. “You’re not about to convince me. She’s not here, so her feelings aren’t going to be hurt. I know for a fact that she was head over heels in love with you. I was her best friend after all. I heard it all the time how in love with you she was. How you were the most perfect man. How she connected with you better than anyone. How the two of you would talk for hours and hours. You weren’t looking for an emotional bond. You were looking for a sexual one. Because I know she let you know how desperate she was for you to like her. Considering every outfit. Doing everything just to impress you. The girl even considered going into film just because of you.”

“You knew how she felt and you started dating me?” Negan breathed out, a sudden surge of guilt flooding through is veins. Now he was understanding why Y/N was talking about things the way she was over the last few days. These were real feelings that even Maggie seemed to be confirming for him right now.

Rolling her eyes, Maggie started kissing up over Negan’s abdomen toward the center of his chest, “You knew how she felt and you started dating me. It’s pot calling the kettle black, isn’t it? You took advantage of her kindness because you weren’t attracted to her. I took advantage of you because you were hot and she was doing nothing to make her move on you. Or maybe she was and you just didn’t want to. Either way, we’re bad people Negan.”

Lifting his hips up, Negan started to pull his pants back over his body. Moving out from underneath Maggie had her releasing an annoyed rumble, “Please don’t act like you’re above this. You’re a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

“You sound proud of it,” Negan stressed to her and she threw her hand up in the air. “Hurting your best friend makes you happy?”

“She had her time to make her move on you. I saw you and I knew that I had to have you because you were hot. She had four years. Nothing. I had two weeks and I had you immediately,” Maggie reminded Negan getting to her knees on the bed before him. Tugging at the towel that she was wearing, she allowed it to drop down onto the bed. “You didn’t want a deep, emotional relationship with someone you bonded with. You wanted someone that you could fuck that made you feel good.”

Leaning back against the dresser, Negan huffed loudly while considering what she was saying, “Why don’t you just grab a condom and fuck me. Get this aggression out. I know you like to play the good guy with things, but we both know you’re a shitty person Negan. So just be you and stop pretending to be this person that we both know you’re not.”

Waiting, Maggie wiggled her finger at Negan with a wicked smirk tugging at her pretty features. Turning, she lowered down onto her hands and knees. Pressing her hands against the bed, she put her face down and her ass up to tease him.

“So do what you do best Negan. Shut up and fuck me,” she demanded hearing Negan’s breathing growing louder. With a wince, Maggie heard Negan move forward swiftly and he grabbed her hips firmly. Purring out, she felt Negan’s hand placing at the back of her neck to get her to press her face further into the bed. “That’s it…”

“No,” Negan growled releasing her and moving away from the bed. Groaning out, she sat up in the bed and pulled her towel back on when she stood from the bed. “I’m more than just a fuck. And I refuse to believe I’m some kind of prick that used a girl to take care of my daughter…”

“What did you do then Negan?” she watched him drop onto the chair at the corner of the room beside the light that was there. Digging into his pants that he had taken off earlier, Negan pulled out a cigarette and she huffed. “You made a girl fall in love with you and then you fucked her best friend. At least own up to it. Realize that’s who you are and you can’t change it. Being a single parent at the time was too hard for you, so you found the first sucker you could get. And with how much she loved you? It was easy.”

“You weren’t around, you don’t know,” Negan growled putting his cigarette between his lips. Cussing out, Negan couldn’t get the lighter to light his cigarette. Stealing it from him, Maggie managed to get his cigarette lit. With a glare, Negan inhaled sharply and winced when he pulled the cigarette away with a big exhale of smoke. “I could barely get out of bed. I was ready to fucking die. And she saved my life. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here anymore. My daughter wouldn’t have either one of her parents.”

“Okay, so now that you know she was in love with you. What are you going to do? Leave me for her?” Maggie pushed, wondering if her comment was going to backfire on her. There seemed to be a lot of emotions that Negan was feeling right now and it wasn’t how she thought he would be responding to things. “After four years are you just going to dump me to be with her?”

“Obviously not,” Negan winced with Maggie crawling in over him. Dropping his head back, Negan didn’t fight Maggie when she started working his cock through the opening of his pajama pants. Closing his eyes, Negan groaned when Maggie lowered down in over him taking him into her. Hooking her fingers into his dark hair, Maggie forced him to look at her and he pulled his cigarette from his lips. “I wouldn’t throw away a four-year relationship over…”

“Nothing?” Maggie finished for him causing him to grunt. Taking her time to roll her hips in over Negan, she heard his breathing uneven and he still looked mad. “Now that we’re on that point, I do think that she may be too involved in our lives.”

Burying her head against the side of Negan’s neck, Maggie moaned out against his flesh, “She acts like she is Jordyn’s mother…and she’s not.”

Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan felt Maggie tugging at the hair at the back of his head while her movements grew stronger over him, “It’s time you let her get her hopes up and know that she’s not welcome in this family. She’s just our friend. Nothing more.”

“Stop,” Negan demanded, sucking in a sharp breath of air. Groaning out, Maggie started to firmly bounce her hips back against him having Negan tossing his cigarette in the ashtray. Grasping at her hips, Negan growled with her forcing his arms back against the chair. “I said stop, damn it.”

“You don’t want me to stop,” she asserted, her moans vibrating against Negan’s ear. Bouncing her hips back against his length had his winces flooding the area surrounding them. “You’re mine Negan. You know that.”

Nipping at Negan’s earlobe, Maggie forced his wrists further back against the chair with Negan’s breaths growing louder, “It’s my pussy you wanted to fuck. And it’s been that way for four years.”

Hooking her fingers around Negan’s wrists with her right hand, she lowered her left and grabbed a firm hold of Negan’s jaw. Forcing him to look at her, Maggie pressed her forehead to his with the wet sounds their bodies made filling the air, “You’re mine. And she’s just going to have to deal with it.”

“Fuck…” Negan winced, his heart hammering in his chest with the way she was moving over him. Even if he was fighting it, it was hard. After being denied an orgasm twice today, his body was desperate to have one. But mentally? He didn’t want this. Not after she just accused him of being a massive piece of shit that purposely hurt someone he cared about. “Get off me.”

“Let it happen Negan,” she purred against the side of his neck, riding him harder. By the sounds of his moans, she knew that he was close so she was working extra hard to get what she wanted.

With a roar, Negan managed to get his hands unhooked from her grasp. Forcing her hips from him just in time, the first line of Negan’s cum spread out across his lower abdomen. Groaning out, Negan dropped his head back with his breathing uneven as his cock twitched through the rest of his release.

“Being greedy tonight, fine,” Maggie got up from the chair and reached for her towel to put it back on. Tossing Negan the tissues had him hissing out.

“She’s the closest thing to a mother my daughter has,” Negan finally responded to what Maggie had said earlier, working to clean himself up. “I’m not going to take that away from Jordyn. One thing has been constant in her life other than me and that’s Y/N. She may not be Jordyn’s biological mother, but I will never separate the two of them.”

“Whatever then,” Maggie knew it was no use to keep bothering with the situation since Negan seemed to be so sensitive over it. “But you’re just dragging her along. I’m sure she’s really happy being the mother to your child without you going balls deep and pumping her full of your cum.”

“Mature Maggie,” Negan threw the tissues in the garbage, working himself back into his pants.

“Like you’re mature at all,” she countered as she got dressed in something to wear. Huffing out, she pressed back her hair and realized that Negan was having a hard time even looking at her. “You could have at least let me make myself come. It’s not really all that fair to let you orgasm, but I don’t get one.”

“Oh, so now you want to have unprotected sex with me?” Negan countered with an angered expression. “You were the one always so insistent that you didn’t want me to come in you because you didn’t want to get pregnant. You don’t want my babies Maggie. You said that yourself.”

“I’m on the pill Negan,” she reminded him getting a huff in response. “I’m just not ready for children yet. I want them, but I’d like to be more comfortable in my career by the time that we have them. And being married to you might be a thing to think about if you want children.”

“Oh, so now you’re comfortable with being married to me?” Negan responded, standing up from the chair that he was seated in. Resting his hands at his hips, Negan was visibly starting to get angrier. “Two years ago when I asked you to marry me, you told me no. You don’t even want to fucking move in with me.”

“I wasn’t ready then,” she stressed to him with Negan rolling his eyes and moving back to the bed to drop down onto it. “Now I might be.”

“You weren’t when I asked the first time, but now you might be,” Negan snickered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “I think you should help Y/N get further ahead in your company. Being your personal assistant isn’t really a job that was made for her.”

“Wow, that was a quick change of subject. Talking about our relationship to going back to Y/N,” Maggie frowned, dropping down on the bed beside Negan. Yanking the blankets out beneath him had him huffing angrily. “I would never do that because she sucks at her job. She’s lucky that I gave her a job in the first place. Guy wouldn’t even see her originally.”

“She sucks at her job?” Negan repeated what Maggie had said, the muscles in his throat flexing with her blurting that out. “Something tells me that’s not true because I was there when Guy demanded her be in the meeting today. If someone was bad at their job, I don’t think they would be being asked to be part of that meeting.”

“Oh, he only wants to fuck her,” Maggie rolled her eyes, turning away from Negan and getting comfortable in the bed. That was the second time he heard that today. Y/N had thought the same thing earlier.

“Does that mean she did a bad job during the meeting today?” Negan inquired, waving his hand about in the air in attempts to get Maggie to tell him about things. Earlier he had texted Y/N, but she had never gotten back to him. And that did upset him. Especially after everything that happened between them.

“She’s your good friend. Why don’t you go call her and find out yourself?” Maggie snorted cuddling her head further into the pillow. Hearing the way Maggie was talking, Negan was starting to understand why Y/N was having the feelings that she was toward Maggie.

“She asked me to help her get a job in the film industry you know,” Negan blurt out having Maggie push up onto her hands to look over at Negan. There seemed to be a sense of panic flooding her features with Negan admitting that to her. “Told me that she was unhappy working for you.”

“And what did you tell her?” Maggie looked like she was going to get sick with Negan letting her in on the information that he likely should have kept to himself.

“I told her that I didn’t have contacts like I did before,” Negan explained with Maggie rolling her eyes and letting out a laugh.

“Well that’s bullshit,” she almost found amusement in Negan lying to Y/N about that. “They are constantly begging you to come back and work with them,” Maggie reminded Negan, pulling herself up into a seated position. “See, you don’t think she would be a good enough employee either.”

“I panicked. Especially after how much you bitch about her,” Negan was honest with Maggie throwing his hands up in the air. For years she would come home and complain to him about Y/N and how awful she was. For a while his mind actually started to believe it in terms of her career. “I told her that in order to make that happen, I would have to put myself on the line and…”

“Good boy,” Maggie outstretched her hand to pat Negan on the chest eliciting a defeated breath from him. “She’s where she belongs Negan. Don’t feel bad. You made the right decision. As soon as Guy fucks her, he’s not going to be interested anymore. And she’ll fall back into place.”

“You told me that she was a bad worker. You’ve been saying that for years,” Negan recalled all the things that Maggie had been telling him since they were together. “I know her better than that, but I just allowed myself to believe you because…”

“Oh shut up Negan,” she rolled her eyes lowering down onto the bed again to get comfortable. “You made your decision. If you didn’t believe me and you thought that she would be good you would have gotten her the job. Instead you told her no. Which good for you for standing up for yourself. It’s what she deserves. To be put in her place. Her egos way too big.”

“So Guy really does want to have sex with her?” Negan brought up what Maggie had said with Maggie snorting under her breath. “Y/N said the same thing. Said that today wasn’t something to be excited about because she just thought Guy wanted to have sex with her.”

“And he will,” Maggie slurred, dropping her head down further into the pillow. “Guy gets what he wants and if she wants to keep working at Vixen, she will do whatever he wants. And she’ll probably enjoy it. He’s a hot guy. It’ll be the biggest thing to happen to her. So…”

Huffing out, Negan dropped his head back again and looked up at the ceiling. Today had been a rough day and he had a headache. There were so many feelings and emotions he was going through and he didn’t even know where to begin in dealing with them.

----

Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @pixelb4rbie @ibelongtonegan

@smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan

@redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted

@akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03

@sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf

@promiscuousbarnes @lanadelnegan @peachihellcat @dilfsandmartinis

#Negan #Negan fanfiction #Negan Smith #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan x reader #Negan x you #Negan Imagine #The Walking Dead #The Walking Dead fanfiction #twd fanfiction #Negan Smut #Jeffrey Dean Morgan Characters fanfiction

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parkerloves · 3 days ago

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PERFECT PLAN || JMM21 x Fem!READER

paring: pepe martí x gaby's bff!reader

request?: nope!

trope: strangers to lovers, blind date

summary: you're gaby's bestfriend and he is Christian, so of course they only rasonable thing to do was to set you two up together... as a surprise

word count: 1,8 k

fc; n/a

warnings: pepe is a confused puppy half of the time, use of y/n, some threats as much and akward moments also english is not my first language so probably misspelling

[masterlist]

There wasn't a day that went by that Gaby didn't talk to you about her boyfriend, and obviously you didn't mind, Christian was a very nice guy and you had already met him several times when the three of you went out to make any random plan and Gaby didn't want to miss the opportunity to also spend time with you knowing that the two of you got along well.

It was just the same for Pepe, who over the last few months had been practically adopted by the couple, after all Gaby had always made him feel welcome and he loved spending time with one of his best friends.

It was in the middle of a conversation between Gaby and Christian when the names of your best friends came up, and just remembering plans they had made with the two of you separately, they came to the conclusion that you two had a lot in common, and in your best friend's mind that could only have one solution

“Do you think Pepe would want a girlfriend?” Were the words that came out of Gaby's mouth after a few seconds of silence.

“I mean I guess s-” Christian cut himself off when he understood what his girlfriend meant at that moment ”You want to pair them up?”

“Think about it” She said as she sat up on the couch leaning on her boyfriend ''We could have so many cute double days plus they wouldn't feel like they're third wheeling all day” She explained him trying to convince him, since he didn't seem very much in favor

Christian grimaced a little, but it was impossible for him to say no to his girlfriend, especially not when she was making that pout that they both claimed not to take seriously but no doubt the effect was there

“And how do you plan to do all that?” He gave up throwing his head back with his eyes on Gaby, waiting to hear her little plan.

━━━━━

That same afternoon you received a message, which as usual proposed you to go out to dinner together, which you and gaby always used as an excuse to dress up more than usual, and this time you decided to wear that red dress that your best friend had just given you for your birthday a couple of months ago.

The name of the restaurant you were going to didn’t ring a bell to you, it wasn't one of the typical places you three used to go to, but you had had time to look up the menu and you weren't going to complain about what they had.

You were surprised not to see your friends already at the entrance of the restaurant, not because you had arrived late, but because they both insisted on arriving early every single time, but just at that moment a message came to you

from: gabss<3

we're almost there, sit yourself, it's under your name i think

The truth was that the two of them were already seated, just at a different table than the one you would end up sitting at, willing (or rather Gaby) to admire the result of their “amazing” plan, although you were just confused by your friend's weird message, but you decided not to give it much importance.

“Hello, good night” You greeted the hostess once you finally entered the restaurant “I believe there is a reservation for y/l/n?” You added, still not completely sure of what you were saying yourself.

You observed the hostess looking at the list of reservations, and you noticed a small laugh coming from her lips before giving you her attention once again, standing up indicating for you to follow her.

“I must say, that your friends hope that you like their little surprise” you wrinkle your nose a little at the lady's words but everything made sense when you arrived at a table where not only were your friends not there but a boy was seated at the table.

“Imma kill them” You mumbled to yourself, missing the opportunity to hear that the guy didn't know anything about what was going on either.

“Look” You thought that boy was going to ask you for a chance and for some reason you stayed to listen to what he had to say, but the hostess's intervention cut him off.

“If it helps… the bill will be covered by those friends” The woman tried to help a little in that situation, and you noticed the look of the unknown guy on you, who was waiting for your opinion of this situation before saying anything.

A free dinner was still a free dinner, so after thinking about it for a few seconds, you sat down in front of the boy.

“I'm y/n” You offered him your hand with a smile on your lips, making him shake you hand almost immediately.

“Pepe, pleasure to meet you”

“I guess you can tell the waiter to come around here whenever they want…?” You said with your eyes on pepe, looking back at the hostess when he nodded “I assume you are a friend of Christian?”

“Yeah, and you're gaby's friend?” it was his turn to ask, to which you nodded with a small smile.

It was at that moment when you heard behind Pepe a little laugh that you knew perfectly, and when you looked a little over his shoulder you found a few tables away the two people to blame for that situation.

“Don’t be too obvious, but I bet you will never guess who is sitting almost behind you” You whispered to the catalan, leaning gently in his direction, causing him to laugh softly.

“No shit, really?” He said with the intention of turning around to look, but with a little swipe of your napkin you stopped him in time.

“Do you not know what don't be too obvious mean?” Pepe in response simply raised both arms in surrender, looking back at you

“Alright alright sorry” He himself cut off his own words with his laughter, which could be kind of cute “Why do you think they are here?”

“Gaby definitely just loves the gossip, the drama”

“And she dragged Chris here”

“Yeah basically” You said denying with a small laugh leaning back in your chair once again ”We could mess up with them.”

Your words didn't take long to catch the attention of your "date", who raised both eyebrows.

“In a good or a mean way?” asked Pepe tilting his head to the side, trying to guess what was going through your head.

“In the only way they would leave” Let's say that your answer was not very clear to the driver, who tilted his head a little more even without understanding what you were referring to.

A small chuckle came out of your mouth and you simply leaned in to leave a kiss on his cheek, not only catching him by surprise but your friends as well.

“If they think this is going well, i'm pretty sure they'll leave” You mumbled against his skin before returning to your original position.

What started as a little performance for Christian and Gaby, ended up being a great night for the two of you, it turns out that Pepe was not only cute, but also very funny and charismatic, so you were about to miss the fact that your personal spies were leaving while you were listening to another of the stories the boy was telling you.

He obviously didn't complain at your words, and quickly shook his head, causing you to laugh a little before continuing with the dinner, letting the topics of conversation continue to come up almost randomly, which made it all the more interesting.

After dessert he offered to drive you to your car, and when you told him you had come by uber he offered to pay for your ride back.

“Or I could also take you...?” He added not too sure if he was going too far.

“As long as you don't kidnap me, sure” You joked as you stood up, looking at the guy as you put on your jacket.

“Bummer” He grumbled making you roll your eyes with a smile, walking out of the restaurant beside him, it being your turn to talk as he listened delightedly.

The ride in the car was peaceful, listening to random songs as Pepe followed your every indication to get to your house.

“Thank you for the ride” You said as you arrived, waiting for some kind of action from the guy, but seeing no movement you decided to jump in “What about i give you my number for a second date? A normal one this time”

The catalan's mouth went dry at your words, nodding almost instantly as he pulled out his phone so you could type your number in.

“Maybe i won't kill Gaby, you're cute” You said before giving him another kiss on the cheek and handing him back his phone, getting out of the car to get into your house.

Pepe stayed until you entered your house, wanting to be sure that you arrived safely even if his car was only a few meters from your door, and maybe he was also doing it to process a bit what had happened that night, because if it wasn't weird enough as it had started, the end wasn't far behind either.

It wasn't that he hadn't had a good time with you, quite the opposite, you two had clicked very quickly, but he hadn't expected it to be reciprocated... after all you had agreed to stay for a free dinner, or so it seemed.

But now he had your number, which he had added to his contacts the moment you gave him back his phone, playing a little with his keyboard thinking about what he could send you as a first message, although he could better think that from his house and not from the door of yours like a stalker.

What he did know was that he now had the group he had with Christian and Gaby full of messages asking how the date had gone.

tag list!

@iheartmonaco

(lmk if you want to join the taglist!)

#parker and f2 →#pepe marti #f2 #f2 x reader #f2 x you #f2 x y/n #formula 2 #formula 2 x reader #pepe marti x reader #pepe marti x you #pepe marti x y/n #pepe marti fluff

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sillydizzybxtches · 2 days ago

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Fuck My Life (FML)

WARNINGS: pure fluff and comfort, mutual pining, reader is sick A/N? - 1.3k words + gn!reader, college!au !! towa bird reference(s) if u squint ⯌ summary: while reneé's best friend might be sick, she'll never be afraid to comfort and take care of her.

Believe it or not, today was supposed to be a good day.

The first thing to hit you when you woke up was a wave of nausea; then came the pounding headache, the aching of your muscles, and the urge to throw yourself off a cliff. Your stomach twisted and knotted in ungodly ways, which immediately pulled your aching limbs back into bed. You groaned, seeking comfort in curling against the havoc of blankets.

You took a moment to recover from the nausea, pinching the bridge of your nose. When you tried moving again, your limbs felt like they were on fire and your head felt like it might fall off your shoulders. Fine; you really were sick.

To be fair, you hadn’t felt this way in a while; you barely got sick, so it felt unfair to complain. And as much as you tried to peel yourself out of bed, your body ached when you tried to move. The thought of pushing through a day of classes or potentially getting others sick didn't help, either. You ran out of medicine from the last time you got sick, and you would've asked your dormmate and best friend, Reneé, to go get some for you, but just your luck; she left for class early this morning.

You stayed curled up in bed for a while. You knew you needed to check your temperature, take medicine, all of that good shit—but it was hard not to get demotivated by the cruelty of having to activate over 200 muscles just to get out of bed. Eventually, you managed to grab your phone and clamber out of bed, despite tripping over god knows what, and stumbled to the kitchen.

You fumbled with the thermometer for a good six seconds, then your eyes widened when your temperature read 102.7°. Where the fuck did the fever come from? Did it literally pop up overnight? Whatever, you’d just have to do what you could to break it.

Shuffling through the cabinet, you realized that it hadn’t been restocked since the last time you were sick; this had to be the devil’s timing. To no one's surprise, it wasn't long before Reneé started blowing up your phone.

nae baby, where are you? you haven't shown up to class. is everything okay? n/n i'm fine, i think i'm js sick is all

nae did u take any meds?

n/n we’re out lmao

nae omw.

You threw your phone on the counter and put your face in your hands. You would’ve told Reneé that it was fine, especially since you didn’t know if you were contagious, but your head throbbed like it was going to burst, and your stomach felt like it was being clawed from the inside—not to mention that Reneé was the most stubborn and determined person on Earth. Plus, the comfort of your best friend would help. It always did.

Begrudgingly, you gathered the motivation to walk back to your room and flop down on the mattress, burying your face in your pillow.

It didn’t take long for Reneé to get back to the dorm; she snagged some Tylenol and Ibuprofen from the CVS down the street and quickly let herself in. She refused to take any chances when it came to you.

“N/N?” She called out, walking around the suite. When she didn’t hear a response, she went to your room, which explained everything pretty well. You’d fallen asleep in a span of five minutes. She swore you could fall asleep within seconds.

Reneé sat on the edge of your bed and gently shook you awake. You lifted your head and sighed, cracking a smile when you realized she was there. “Hey, baby,” Reneé hummed as she looked down at you. “How are you feeling?”

“Hey, Nae. I feel shitty,” You giggled. You sat up and rubbed your eyes, clutching your stomach as it twisted. “I feel like the devil is tossing a salad in my stomach, and my brain feels like it’s literally on fire. That’s so cute, right?” You scoffed playfully. Reneé chuckled and rolled her eyes as she brought a hand to your forehead. You felt your heart flutter but pushed the feeling down and focused on getting better. She was just checking on you, that was it—and from the look on Reneé’s face, you didn’t need a thermometer to know you were burning up.

The blonde opened the Ibuprofen and handed you a few pills, along with the bottle of water on your dresser.

“What was your temp?” Reneé asked, concern etched on her face. You downed the pills before answering. “102.7 or some shit,” You sighed. Her brows raised in alarm. “Okay … did you eat?” You shook your head. “No, I don’t want to get sick.”

Reneé asked a few more questions, most of your answers being no because, well, you were sick. She went to the kitchen shuffled through the pantry to make chicken noodle soup for you. At first, you dreaded the idea of eating in fear of throwing up, but you did it anyway; it was amazing, to say the least.

“That’s why we listen to me,” Reneé teased.

You weren’t surprised when Reneé told you she was staying. Honestly, you appreciated it. You loved how caring and protective she was toward you, how she’d give up everything to be by your side. Just being with Reneé made you feel better, even if you physically felt like you’d been hit by a bus twelve times over.

The two of you curled up in bed and picked a random movie to watch together—Jennifer’s Body, to be exact.

Her warmth was the most comforting thing. You snuggled against her, resting your head on her shoulder and tangling your legs together. The contact made your brain feel fuzzy, but in a good way … in a soft, relieving way. You weren’t sure you’d ever loved anyone like you loved Reneé.

“Jennifer is so hot,” You murmured with a giggle, plenty loud enough for Reneé to hear. She quirked her brow gripped your chin, tilting her head down at you. “Oh, is she?” She hummed teasingly. You held eye contact for a few seconds that felt like centuries; her emerald green eyes, filled with flecks of olive and gray, were beyond mesmerizing. Like a dozen galaxies packed into one beautiful universe.

Your heart thudded at an ungodly speed before you responded. “Fine, I’m sorry,” You scoffed, leaning against her. Reneé smirked and chuckled smugly, releasing your chin to pat your head. “That's what I thought, baby,” She teased, biting her lip as she turned back to the screen.

It took everything in you to pretend like that didn’t make your stomach flutter. It was all friendly, and you knew that. You just loved and appreciated Reneé, really; that was all.

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep—though Reneé was surprised you lasted as long as you did. She looked down at you, a soft smile curling her lips. You looked so peaceful, so content; she’d kiss you if you weren’t sick.

The feel of your warmth against hers and the way you buried your head in her neck made her own eyes heavy. Reneé tightened her grip around your waist, rested her chin on your head, and let the movie blur into the background. She'd never been happier to have you in her life, and she was glad she could help. She hated when you weren't happy and felt like this.

In a few minutes, she was asleep against you, breathing soft as snow while her chest rose and fell. You both wished you could stay like this forever, tangled in each other's limbs and warmth. You were convinced being sick had never felt so good.

#renee rapp #reneé rapp #reneerapp #reneérapp #renee rapp x you #renee rapp fanfic #renee rapp x reader #reneé rapp x reader #renee rapp x y/n #reneé rapp fanfic #gabe.itches

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joezworld · 2 days ago

Text

Christmas Story

Merry Christmas you guys.

Christmas Day

Morning broke over one of the most subdued Christmases Tidmouth sheds had ever seen.

For most of the engines, it had started early:

Gordon had vanished before the sun, taking some morning train - which one it was, nobody was quite sure; the limited-service Christmas day timetable was a baffling mystery that only became clear on the day of.

Edward, who woke at five-thirty in the morning out of habit, had elected to leave the shed while silence still reigned. Whichever train Gordon didn’t take, he did.

James and Delta woke together as twilight began to dapple the sky, and slipped out of the shed with a bare minimum of noise or fuss. Where they went off to was anyone’s guess. Oliver, who missed their departure despite being awake, could only guess. They’d said something about the harbour?

That left just the three Westerners in the room. Oliver was the only one awake, and he regarded the scene with worried eyes. Bear and Duck hadn’t exchanged two words since Bear’s new “paint” had been applied, and he did not want to be around to hear what they said. Shortly before seven thirty, an inspector groused his way in, looking for an engine willing to run a P-Way service down the Little Western to finish up the various issues with the line, and Oliver jumped at the chance.

That left just two…

Bear awoke to the morning sun finally making an appearance. The shed appeared to be empty, but…

There was a quiet clatter to one side, and he lazily looked over to see Duck’s crew staring at each other in accusation while an oil can rolled on the ground.

Bear didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything he particularly wanted to say.

“Um.” Unfortunately, Duck did. “Bear. About…”

“Duck.” Bear cut him off. “I understand your… position right now, or at least I think I do, but I don’t want to talk to you right now.” He sighed deeply. “Or perhaps for a while. Maybe you should try this again later.”

There was a quiet sniffle from the tank engine, who then departed with a minimum of noise or fuss.

Bear didn’t feel a bit of bother about how he made his fellow engine feel, and that bothered him more than anything else.

Eventually, a crew came for him. It was pushing ten in the morning, and he set off with a strange working: an empty coaching stock move all the way to Kirk Ronan.

“There’s a guaranteed connection with the ferry from France,” his driver explained. “Usually there’s another train, but not today.”

“Damned Christmas timetable…”

“You know,” the man continued. “It’s strange. Gordon was supposed to take this train, but he insisted on having you take it. Couldn’t begin to imagine why.”

Bear rolled his eyes. “It’s easy work. This is probably his idea of a Christmas present.”

“Who knows?”

Bear didn’t put any more thought into it, and brought the train into Kirk Ronan right on schedule.

The ferry, a big red and white one named Chartres, was already there, moored tightly to the dock, and absolutely festooned with lights and decorations. «Joyeux Noël, mon petit ami!» She boomed. “It is a time of joy and happiness, no? Where are all the decorations?”

Bear looked around; the ferry terminal was quite drab - he remembered hearing something about the snow being worse along the coast. Maybe they couldn’t decorate. “They must be saving them for next year!” he said, trying to seem upbeat.

The ferry made a noise of assent, and then any chance for further conversation was lost as a flood of passengers made their way down the boarding ramps and into the coaches. Soon afterwards, the train departed back the way it came, express service to Tidmouth station. The ferry heralded their departure with an earth-shaking foghorn blast, and then they were into the distance.

There were almost no other trains on the line, and Bear had plenty of time to think. Goodness me. It really is Christmas, isn’t it? I made it through the month, and all it cost me was one friend, most of my sanity, and my identity.

He laughed bitterly to himself. This is a terrible Christmas.

As he went further down the line, another thought came to him. I can’t believe I let them use this paint on me. I thought blue was too much? This itches!

The train arrived at Tidmouth a few minutes ahead of schedule, just as the clocks struck noon, and Bear was surprised to see that there was a “restricting-diverge” signal ahead of him. “They’re sending us around the loop?”

“The loop”, a section of line that Gordon had famously been mis-routed down once (James still needles him about it, once in a great while), was not actually a single line, but was rather a series of feeder tracks that connected the various dockside industries with the harbour itself, as well as the big station. In the early 1900s, some bright spark (probably Sir Topham Hatt, although the Dry family had significant involvement in the development of Tidmouth’s dockyards) had realized that making a full “loop” to connect both sides of the big station to the docks may be beneficial, and so many of the lightly built industrial spurs were connected into a rambling branch line that snaked through Tidmouth’s waterfront before ducking underneath the high street in a cutting, eventually meeting the Little Western just outside the station’s “rear”. Doing this added almost fifteen minutes to a journey, and so it was restricted to only the most dire of emergencies (or if you really irked the signalman).

As Bear trundled over, under, around, and through Tidmouth, he had the distinct feeling that he was being played with. There weren’t any signals out of order, he wondered. Why am I going this way?

He got his answer soon enough, as he eventually entered the station through the Little Western’s platforms, gliding to a stop about three-quarters of the way down the platform.

To his confusion, he was not the only engine there:

Duck and Oliver were face-to-face on the platform to his left, and each looked like they’d rather be anywhere else.

Gordon was parked directly in front, with a worryingly inscrutable grin on his face.

Toby was parked next to Gordon, and looked like he was only now understanding what was going on.

In the background, Truro had been pushed just inside the station’s glass canopy, clearly so that he could hear what was going on. Amusingly, he also wasn’t meant to interrupt whatever was going to occur, as there was a red-and-white checkered tablecloth shoved into his mouth to gag him. Even better, nobody had bothered to set or splint his nose at any point. It looked like it really hurt. Shame about that.

Alongside the porters and other staff meeting the train, there were several members of the station staff lining the platform, each in their “dress” uniforms, complete with shined shoes and buttons.

Finally, and perhaps most concerningly, the… Yugoslav-Mexican band that the Fat Controller had sourced was tuning their instruments on the platform next to Gordon.

“Do I even want to know?” he asked Gordon as the passengers poured out of the train.

“Just go along with it,” Toby said, looking resigned to whatever was about to happen.

“Brother Toby,” Gordon chided. “Is that really the tone you wish to take in front of the initiates?”

“Gordon,” Toby began. “You are treading upon a line that I didn’t even know existed three minutes ago. Get on with it.”

“In due time…” Gordon said beatifically. “Once we have privacy.”

And so they waited for another ten minutes while the passengers departed. Everybody except Gordon felt increasingly awkward as time stretched on, but eventually the last stragglers had made their way to the waiting room doors. Once they swung shut with a solid click that could be heard four platforms away, Gordon cleared his throat. “Let us begin.”

Bizarrely, the stationmaster then stepped forward. He was dressed up even more than the other station staff, and was wearing white tie, complete with a top hat. He was holding a pad of paper in his hands - while they’d been waiting, Bear had seen a glimpse of it, and it looked like it was some sort of speech- oh no.

“OYEZ! OYEZ! OYEZ!” The stationmaster bellowed at the top of his voice, scaring everyone except Gordon and the band. “WE NOW CALL TO ORDER THIS EMERGENCY SESSION OF THE EXCEPTIONAL AND MOST RESPECTABLE GRAND OLD ORDER OF THE LONDON AND NORTH EASTERN RAILWAY!”

“The what.” Someone said. It might have been Bear.

“TO START THIS SESSION, WE TURN TO THE HONORABLE MEMBER FROM THE GREAT NORTHERN RAILWAY, WHO HAS BEEN GRANTED POWERS PLENIPOTENTIARY DUE TO THE EXCEPTIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES!”

“Granted what.”

“From where.”

Gordon had the audacity to look like something normal was occurring. “Thank you, sir,” he said with remarkable aplomb. “Ordinarily, these sessions would begin with a great deal more pomp and circumstance, however in light of yesterday’s events, I have elected to set those aside in order to get down to business.”

He looked around the station, ignoring the absolutely baffled looks being sent his direction. “Since the year nineteen hundred and twenty three, the Grand Old Order of the London and North Eastern has claimed, in due time, every locomotive who has ever rolled out of one of our most esteemed workshops. Under the banner of the North Eastern, and our numerous predecessor railways, countless deeds of mechanical excellence have been performed. Mountains have been moved, cities have been evacuated, and nature herself has been tamed by our steel and metal, brick and stone.”

He paused his stentorian address for a second, again surveying the increasing bafflement, before continuing. “To serve under our flag was to commit yourself to greatness, in one form or another. And for the last sixty-one years, this has been enough; we have recognized greatness, and greatness has come unto us.”

“However!” he exclaimed with great drama. “Recent events have forced a change in our calculus. Before this day, we have only ever accepted locomotives from our own workshops into our ranks - our own kind. Before today, that was seen as sufficient. No more!”

He again surveyed the room, and Bear got the distinct feeling that Gordon wasn’t actually looking at faces at all. He tried to follow the gaze and found it lingering on the ‘GREAT WESTERN” insignia on Duck and Oliver’s sides, and the Western Region crest on his own, just visible under the paint.

He began to get an inkling of where this was going…

Gordon continued. “We had never felt the need to expand our own ranks before this day, because we had committed an act of hubris. We had assumed, like children, that all other railways within this great nation behaved in the same way as us! That they recognized greatness within their own ranks just as we did in our own.”

His face turned serious. “This was an error. One that we shall never make again.”

Behind him, behind all of them, City of Truro’s eyebrows began to knit together. Clearly Bear was not the only one thinking along these lines. Something was mumbled against the gag.

The next few sentences felt shouted, despite Gordon never raising his voice. “Over the month of December nineteen eighty-four, it has become known to us that City of Truro, the so-called “Greatest of all Westerners”, and the de facto leader of their kind, is nothing but a duplicitous charlatan! A murderous brute, who uses subterfuge and dirty tactics in ways not seen since modernization some twenty years past! He is no better than the worst examples of diesel-kind!”

There was a muffled shout from behind Gordon. It was ignored.

Gordon continued. “But lo! He is the public and private face of the Great Western! One hundred fifty years of history, resting squarely upon his deceptive and ill-tempered buffers! Truly he is the worst of us, and is unfit to lead his clan.”

There was yet another muffled noise. Truro might actually be biting on the tablecloth now.

“However, we are not in the position to make decisions for another railway, let alone one as ancient and prestigious as the Great Western.” Gordon intoned. Bear didn’t like the sparkle developing in the blue engine’s eyes. That could only mean trouble. “But, we can make amends in our own way!”

Bear’s train of thought screamed into the station, brake-blocks smoking. Oh he is going to, isn’t he?

“HONOR GUARD,” roared the stationmaster. “PRE-SENT!”

Someone had actually gone to the trouble of painting a coal shovel gold. Truro sounded like he was going to eat the tablecloth.

Then the band started playing. It was, after a moment of harmonizing, a very jaunty version of Pomp and Circumstance.

Bear was actually going to go insane.

He’s going to do it. He’s going to induct me into the damned LNER like it’s going to make things better.

The porter carrying the shovel turned on his heel and marched over to Duck and Oliver, marching like this was a drill exercise at a military academy. All three Western engines blinked.

“Now,” Gordon said. “With the aforementioned facts now known, I, as the most honorable member from the Great Northern Railway, do hereby nominate Oliver to be enjoined with our ranks, and formally inducted into the Grand Old Order of the London and North Eastern. Brother Toby, as the Right Honorable Member from the Great Eastern Railway, will you second this motion?”

“Gordon, I-”

“Will you second this motion?”

A sigh. “Yes, I will second this motion. As the… righteous and honorable member from the GER.”

“Thank you, Brother Toby. The motion has been seconded!”

“Gordon, I-”

“Thank you.”

Gordon turned his attention to the “honor guard”, who dropped to one knee next to Oliver’s buffers, and laid the shovel gently across the nearest one.

Bear momentarily managed to tear his eyes away from the spectacle, finding Toby in the sea of insanity. Is this happening? He mouthed.

Yes, this is actually happening. Came the response.

“Oliver!” Gordon boomed, snapping Bear’s gaze back to the insanity occurring in front of him. “Your years of loyalty and honorable service have not gone un-noticed! For too long you have labored away without reward, without the fruits of your own labours. For your tireless service to your railway, your own kind, and to yourself, you shall be honored. Do you Consent to be joined to the Order of the London and North Eastern? Do you Swear to follow and uphold their Ways, ahead of all others?”

Oliver looked absolutely dumbstruck. “Uhh… I, uh….”

“Say yes or we’ll never be done with it!” Toby hissed.

“Uh- YES!” Oliver squeaked, suddenly realizing that he wasn’t in a position to say no. “Yes I do!”

Gordon looked immensely pleased with himself. “Then I dub thee ‘Brother Oliver’, and formally induct you into the Order. Welcome.”

Oliver looked overwhelmed, a feeling that Bear mirrored, especially once the “honor guard” stood and marched over to Duck with precise marching steps that wouldn’t have been out of place in a military drill.

Duck looked… well he looked almost vacant, staring off into the middle distance as events happened around him. It took little intuition to figure out where he was looking: there, in the middle distance, was City of Truro, furiously raging behind the tablecloth.

The shovel was laid on Duck’s buffer, and the whole process began again. Gordon began an even longer and more pompous sounding prattle about Duck’s service at Paddington, how he’d dispatched Diesel, and how he’d managed the Little Western in the years since. There wasn’t a mention of how he’d acted during the last month, but even the most uncharitable part of Bear’s mind couldn’t really square a month’s worth of inaction against a half-century’s worth of work.

There is no way I can be agreeing with Gordon on this. The big diesel thought to himself. He’s insane. He’s trying to… show up Truro by ‘adopting’ us.

Gordon had launched into an identical spiel about “Consenting”, but Duck had barely let him get the word out before saying “Yes.” in a quiet but undeniably firm manner.

Gordon managed to keep his surprise contained to an upward quirk of his eyebrows, but everyone else, Bear included, were thoroughly shocked.

What? I would’ve thought that he wouldn’t… couldn’t… I mean, it’s the Great Western, that’s his life!

Duck didn’t take his eyes off of Truro the entire time. The forcefully silenced engine was turning a worrying shade of purple.

Bear had a sudden moment of understanding. But it’s his life… as defined by Truro.

He doesn’t want this anymore than I do. Truro isn’t god. He’s not Brunel.

But he is the Great Western.

He looked at Truro, who was again trying to eat or spit out the tablecloth. A group of porters carrying a ladder, a shunter's pole, and some amount of canvas were approaching him menacingly.

And if that’s the Great Western.

He looked at Gordon, who was finishing Duck’s “induction” with a mix of surprise, seriousness, and well-earned pomposity. And that’s the LNER…

Then… Maybe…

The “honor guard” turned to face him.

Gordon’s speech was shorter than his praise of Duck, but longer than Oliver’s. “Bear! Your continued service to this railway has not gone un-noticed! For over twenty years you have taken on every job asked of you with a dignity, grace, and competence that has made you not only a sterling member of this railway, but of your class as a whole. It would be my honor to induct you into the Grand Old Order of the London and North Eastern Railway! Do you Consent to be joined to the Order? Do you Swear to follow and uphold their Ways, ahead of all others?”

In for a penny, in for a pound.

“Yes, I do.”

----

Later that night

“I’m sorry,” Edward stared in a rare moment of bafflement. “The Grand Old Order of the what?”

“There’s no such thing.” James said firmly. “Do you think that he’d talk about anything else if there was?”

"I’m well aware of that," Edward said, still deeply confused. "The Southern and LMS had elite, secret brotherhoods, that's well known. I'd never heard anything about the LNER, and if Gordon hasn’t said anything before now…”

BoCo smiled faintly. "There might not have been one before last night," he said, "but if Gordon says there is one, then I think it exists now."

"That's rubbish," scoffed Delta. "How can you have an LNER order with Gordon, Duck, Oliver, Bear, and Toby? That’s over fifty percent Great Western."

"If Gordon's started it, every Eastern engine still around will hear and want to be in on it by the end of the month."

"Well, maybe so."

"Blimey.” James said, looking suddenly pensive.” This is going to be a whole thing, isn't it?"

“Oh yes,” Edward agreed. “In fact, I’d say that there’s a decent chance he’ll try to induct us next, so everyone be on your guard if you care about your old allegiances, or at least the appearance of them.

Bear listened to them with a raised eyebrow. “What do you mean? I thought he was trying to get back at Truro?”

The other engines looked at him funny.

“What?”

“Did you not get it?” Delta asked, in a tone that implied that she wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. “This isn’t about Truro, this is about Gordon.”

“What do you mean?”

The other engines looked at each other.

“Bear,” Edward began. “Gordon doesn’t care about Truro in that way. I can’t say his exact reasoning for letting him witness the whole event, but I daresay it wasn’t anything more than kicking an engine when he’s already down. That ceremony, on the other wheel… wasn’t about Truro at all.”

“Then what was it about?”

“You!” several voices said at once. The other engines looked at each other, before James of all engines spoke up.

“Bear, Gordon’s an idiot, but he’s our idiot. And he thinks, because he’s an idiot, that he can only care about someone if they’re…” he searched for the right word.

“Related?” BoCo said after a second.

“Not the word I was looking for but close enough.” James continued. “He doesn’t think he’s allowed to care about you unless you’re… related to him, somehow. Or at least that it’s not proper. Stupid Londoner nonsense if you ask me, but he tries to care anyways, which means that when someone like you gets bossed around and treated like yesterday’s ashes by the… what’s the word?”

“Embodiment?”

“Yep that’s it - the embodiment of your railway, he doesn’t think he can help because… “well that’s a Great Western issue”.” James could not imitate Gordon at all but he did it anyway. “And so when he has to do something - and trust me somebody was going to have to do something about that berk - he’s going to get…”

“Inventive?”

James glared at Edward, Delta, and BoCo. “Would you three like to say it?”

“No, I think you’re doing a fine job.”

“Nope.”

“You’ve got it under control.”

James sighed deeply, and opened his mouth to say something more, but was cut off by Bear. “So, wait. Gordon did all that because he… cares about me? Us?”

“If you must know,” Gordon’s voice rang out as he backed into the shed in a flurry of smoke and snowflakes. “I did it because you would otherwise be forever yoked to that infantile and childish railway and its monstrous figurehead. By “staking a claim” in you, for lack of a better phrase, you are once and forevermore freed of any association with that brutish monstrosity.”

“And the fact that you now have a guilt-free reason to be nice to him is just a perk, hm?” Delta said smugly.

“Delta,” Gordon said as he was turned on the turntable. “If you would like for me to have a ‘guilt free reason’ to be nice to you, all you have to do is ask.

“I like my heritage.” She said, all too quickly. “Really!”

Gordon laughed regally, and backed into the stall between Bear and Edward. “Yes, I’m sure. The offer will stand, however.”

His crew hopped down and began cleaning out his ashpan. Bear took the momentary clatter to whisper to Gordon. “You really didn’t have to do that, you know. I could’ve handled it.”

“I did have to, actually.” Gordon said just as quietly. “There is a time for passivity, and a time for action. The instant he laid buffer on you, the time for action was upon us.”

He said it so firmly, so utterly final, that Bear’s response died in his throat. Gordon looked at him for a second, before turning his attention to the other engines.

Bear sat there for a while, absorbing his words. My god. They do care about me.

#ttte #sodor #sodor shenangians #fic #christmas story

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luminique · 6 hours ago

Text

Fate, Hollows, Grief and Lighter.

cw // mentions of death, angst, comfort. 4.8k words, not proofread, lighter x gn reader. happy birthday lighter !

You don’t have to be an expert to understand that hollows are confusing. There’s a lot of mystery that goes around them despite the amount of resources that is put into its research. Everyday, it’s some new discovery, some new technology, some new treatment related to them. You told Burnice to switch through the other channels on the mini television at the bar, you didn’t get much of the newer shows in the Outer Ring but you did get the boring news channel.

“Joining us for today’s program is Miss Hoshimi Miyabi from the Hollow Special Operations Section 6. I believe that she needs little to no introduction as your team has been making the rounds online with the most recent case,” a man wearing a black suit, presumably the host, guided the camera over to the thiren next to him with his hand. You’ve seen her before, the proxies that the Sons of Calydon have worked with also mentioned Section 6 as one of their clients. Not everyone can just step into a hollow, even the proxies themselves don’t go in there willingly.

After a moment of silence between the host and Hoshimi Miyabi, the man finally breaks the ice. “Well, we are not here to discuss the controversy; however, there has been a recent discovery regarding the hollows. According to the White Star Institute, your team was able to control Hollow Zero and noticed how time was affected in there. Can you please elaborate on that?” The host was clearly uncomfortable by her quiet demeanor, thinking he’d be interviewing someone who was not as unapproachable as her.

Time, huh? That’s nothing new, even the Tour de Inferno had improved its recording equipment in order to reduce the delay between the inside and outside of the hollow. “Yes, due to its high ether energy, Hollow Zero has the ability to manipulate time, causing us to fight ethereals we had initially already taken down.” The fox thiren finally spoke, her voice was clear and confident, fitting for a chief. The host beamed at her answer, you could see the worry in his eyes when she took a moment to respond to him. “Were there any other anomalies aside from that? The claim coming from the White Star Institute is rather large and I believe that viewers at home would love to hear your experience.”

Lighter notices you staring at the screen intently, it was a rare sight for you to be so engrossed in such a show. He taps the counter a couple of times as he sat on the stool next to you, Burnice immediately understood what that gesture meant. His hand came up to your side, resting it on your hip. “Didn’t know you were into this kind of thing,” his smooth voice cut through your train of thought. You barely even noticed him, finally back from a few small fights but barely even a scratch on his face.

“They’re talking about hollows, those proxy friends of yours should know more about it than this old man on the screen.” you pointed the remote at the screen, not changing the channel though. “My deputy chief, Tsukishiro, found herself reliving a moment from her past relating to another member of my team. Asaba said that he was beginning to see the same ethereal over and over again. For me, on the other hand….” a moment of silence from the young lady as her hands gripped on her neat skirt. “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self.” Her usual commanding voice began to sound slightly weak and shaky yet her expression never faltered.

It slowly clicked in your head. This new discovery was not the simple time manipulation that had been publicly known for years, it was instead a lot more complex. A lot scarier, a lot more complicated and even went into the realm of alternate timelines. Was that even possible? Time travel and theories of alternate timelines have been one of humankind’s biggest questions. Would this not have been found out earlier while researching other hollows? Every smaller hollow around Eridu came from the existence of Hollow Zero, what made those any different?

You turn to look at Lighter, his usual laid back demeanor now mirrored yours. He hadn’t even touched his drink once since Miyabi had spoken. “Now look who’s the one staring at the TV,” you teased as you pushed on his shoulder lightly. His sunglasses slipped down his nose bridge, he cleared his throat as he pushed his shades up. “I just thought it was interesting, nothing more,” he pretended to not show how much that information meant to him.

If you could do it all over again, would you? The opportunity was presented right at him, albeit from a boring show on the TV. Rarely was it ever on this channel, as Burnice would normally choose to have it on some sort of sports or music channel. However, she’d listen to her customer in front of her and on this early evening, it was only you sitting there.

The thought was intriguing, he did have a higher ether aptitude than most. Venturing into hollows alone, with a carrot, wasn’t anything new to him, especially not after the passing of his fallen comrades. He doesn’t know exactly where they were last but he’d often bring flowers to where he found their dog tags, at least he knew they were there at one point. He knew that time worked differently inside the hollows, communication becoming an issue inside and outside of it, but he didn’t know anything more than that was capable.

No, no. He can’t just go into Hollow Zero and come out unscathed like it’s a normal fight. He could live his whole life not knowing what would’ve happened if he had chosen to go with them but the knowledge that he can, at least, see its possibility… that was eating at him. After you had teased him, the idea was still there. Who wouldn’t want to know what happened during that one moment in their life? Who wouldn’t want to know the answer to ‘what if’ and ‘if only’? He shook his head, trying to get rid of the curiosity building up in him.

Cold glass, the refreshing drink that he had gotten accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon now tasted bitter. No lollipop in his pocket to distract him from his thoughts. Another harsh swallow, he placed the glass back on the counter. “Do you want another glass? Maybe some Nitro-Fuel instead?” Burnice’s cheerful self was always ready to fill a glass up despite knowing that he doesn’t prefer the taste of Nitro-Fuel on its own. Now though, it sounded just perfect to make him forget this information.

Night time came, the howling winds kept Lighter awake. Usually he would have passed out already from the amount of Nitro-Fuel he drank but for some odd reason, he couldn’t now. It wasn’t odd at all, he knew why he was awake. Haunted by the memories of a not-so-distant past, the voices of his comrades rang in his ears as he got up from his bed. His bright red scarf that contrasted his usual outfit, was now stuffed deeply into his jacket. The soft clinging of the dog tags were now muffled by his scarf, his heavy footsteps making his way out to his bike. The only way to forget is to completely kill a man, erase his memories and the possibilities that he can come up with.

With his past as mercenary leader, getting to Hollow Zero wasn’t a mystery. Many have gone there in hopes of getting rich, finding some sort of ethereal matter, or maybe searching for whatever was left of the person they once were. Dodging a few military bases, back roads and, going through smaller hollows, Lighter found himself right at the edge of Hollow Zero. There were a few close calls on his way here, but nothing a Carrot can’t solve. The convenience of modern technology, able to find the safest route out and predict any new changes in the course of being in the Hollow. If only they could predict the possibility of his friends passing that day.

He parked his bike, brought the little bangboo off his bike and took a deep breath. “Lighter…” He heard the faint whispers of his name as he stepped into the pitch black sphere, the voices sounded oddly familiar to him. An older breathier male voice, a deeper younger male voice, and a reassuring female voice all coming together to call for his name. No, he can’t be hearing things. He was still young and had just entered the hollow. Signs of corruption did not include hallucinations, nor did it include any sort of hearing problems. He ventured deeper into the hollow, bangboo by his side to make sure he’d make his way out.

Ethereals came at him but they were no match, one after another. A swift punch before landing his finishing blows on them, he dusted off the little bits of burnt etheric matter off his shoulders. “Lighter! There you are!” He immediately prepared himself for another fight, quickly looking around for the source of that voice. No ethereal was in sight however, maybe it was paranoia striking him once more. He decided to take a break somewhere off to the side, taking a serum to reduce ether corruption. He closed his eyes, the rubble of the Fallen Eridu surrounding him as he was taken back to his days of a mercenary leader.

He remembers it like it was just yesterday. The smiles on their face, the laughter, the drinks, the bets, everything that your typical mercenary group does. They were his comrades, his friends, his family at the time. He was still new to leading a team, choosing to go for the higher paying jobs in the hollows rather than outside work. He’d come back with a few bruises here and there, getting patched up while trying to split up the money they received. The hands of Dane scruffing Lighter’s hair, or Nick reminding him to stop smoking, or Ratena drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel with him. He could see and feel those memories so vividly…

“We’ll be heading out now, Boss.” Dane gave a hearty pat on Lighter’s shoulder, a firm goodbye grip to tell him to rest. Lighter chuckled as Dane finally let go,“It still sounds weird…” he added on, believing that such a title isn’t fit for him just yet. “Ratena, you got the med kit ready?” He asked the tomboy-looking female who was always prepared when it came to injuries. Even his now fractured arm was taken care of by her, proving her deep knowledge in the field of first aid. She nodded towards him with a small wave of her supplies in hand, “All ready, Lighter!” Nick gave a weary smile, one that was oddly energetic for a much older man than everyone else in the group.

“Take care, everyone. Remember what we’re going in there for, retrieve the item and receive our cash,” everyone looked towards their leader, Lighter giving them one last reminder before they headed off. All of their dog tags hung around their necks, reflecting the bright sunlight and Lighter’s own reflection. “Be back safely!” Dane’s little sister began waving goodbye as they watched the team head off straight into the hollow. Lighter knew of the dangers that they could face while in there, especially with the lack of a Carrot. Those don’t go for cheap however, good and reliable info about hollows aren’t easy to come by at low prices.

That final goodbye would serve to be his biggest regret in life. A wound that can never be healed no matter the amount of times he went back to the last place he found their tags. He had called out for them and yet no response, shouting into an endless void. What would’ve happened if he had followed them that day, not heeding their advice and sacrificing himself alongside them. Non-existent answers to a question that has ruined a young man of his own mental freedom.

Boss… Kiddo…. Lighter….

Was he going insane again? He opened his eyes, expecting to see nothing just like before but this time, he was outside of his old mercenary camp. A distant woof could be heard as an eager dog ran right up to him, pouncing onto him. ‘What? This… this isn’t right…’ Lighter thought to himself. Was this some sort of deja vu? A dream of some sort? The dog licks Lighter’s face, excitedly panting and sniffing him. This felt a little too real for him, running his hand through its soft fur.

“Lighter! We got another commission today. Gotta go into this hollow, grab this ‘mysterious item’ and they’re paying us big time,” Dane came up behind him and petted the dog, throwing a small ball to allow Lighter to get up. Lighter turned around, seeing the large man with his familiar beanie towering over him. He fell back, not believing what he was seeing. Was he dead? They do say that the brain replays the best moments of one’s life before death, but this seemed less like a memory and more like reality.

This was just the day before their deaths, was this his second chance? “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self,” the fox thiren’s experience now making sense as he looked up at his should-be-dead companion. “U-uh yeah. Dane, sorry but I don’t think we should accept this mission,” Lighter grabbed Dane’s hand, his fractured one still healing in its cast. Dane blinked at his teal-haired leader in confusion, not expecting him to decline such an offer. They walked back into the home, Ratena and Nick coming up to them with big smiles on their faces.

As Ratena tended to Lighter’s fractured arm, they all discussed their plan regarding the new mission. “They said it’s just a box, bring it back safely and then we’ll get paid,” Dane said with lots of enthusiasm, playing around with his little sister. Nick gave a hearty chuckle, petting the dog as he spoke, “It’s not easy, my boy. Look at what happened to Lighter the last time we went into a hollow.” Both men looked over to Lighter, seeing the effects of an ethereal attack and Nick being physically unfit to keep up with the rest of the group. Before Ratena could give her input, Lighter interjected with the knowledge of their future. “I really don’t think we should go. Hollows are dangerous and just like Nick said, ethereals are no joke.” Lighter hoped they would understand him without him needing to explain to them why they shouldn’t go.

Ratena shook her head, “Oh c’mon Lighter, you don’t trust us? We got out safely last time and we made big bucks.” Safely? Was having a fractured arm considered safe? Was bleeding out his side considered safe? “Guys, you can’t be serious.” Lighter was in disbelief, he remembered his initial response in his past. He had agreed wholeheartedly to the offer, thinking that such a huge sum of cash was what they all needed to live better lives. Now with his knowledge, he didn’t want to lose them. Not again, he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

“Yeah boss, we know how hard you’re working. You gotta rest up and we’re more than capable of taking down those ethereals.” Dane gave him a wolfish grin, clearly oblivious to why Lighter was so against all of this in the first place. “We’ll leave in the morning, be back by sunset.” Nick had the whole plan laid out on the table, trying his best to reassure their worried leader. Everyone went to their sleeping quarters that night but Lighter couldn’t sleep at all knowing what would happen to them. He laid awake in his cold bed that his body used to find solace in, but now reminded him of the hard shell of a coffin.

Sunlight came streaming through the windows, Lighter was the first to get up, the rest unknown to his lack of sleep. Everything replayed exactly as it did on that fateful day; Dane placing his hand on Lighter’s shoulder, Ratena waving her first aid kit in the air, Nick’s energetic smile that highlighted his wrinkles. He can’t relive this, he can’t let this happen. “W-wait!” They all turned back to him, stopping right in their tracks. Lighter had already told them to take care, what else was there to be said? ‘Don’t die’? ‘Don’t go’? ‘You’ll all die and I won’t be able to find you’? He had recurring nightmares of this exact moment multiple times before this and yet, the words were stuck in his throat. “I’ll miss all of you.” Lighter couldn’t stop them, even if he tried. Fate is cruel in that way, never is it a choice, unable to be changed. As he watched them leave again, tears began to prick his olive eyes. He closed his eyes, trying to blink away those tears but also look away from his regrettable decision.

The sandpaper-like wet and warm muscle went up Lighter’s cheek again. He blinked open his eyes, seeing the familiar sight of yesterday. Was this some sort of hell? A never-ending cycle of living his lifelong burden he carried with him. As expected, Dane’s voice could be heard once more, grabbing Lighter up from the ground and bringing him back into the camp. As expected, they had planned to take up the offer because money is money and they were mercenaries first and foremost.

He was determined this time. If he couldn’t stop them from going, at the very least he had to make sure to go with them. Ever since that day, he had been yearning for death. If Fate won’t change his friends’ passing, maybe it will be kind enough to change his. “I’ll go along,” Lighter’s confident voice cut through their chatter. “But boss, you’re being stretched thin.” “Your condition still isn’t fit for a mission in a hollow.” “Take it from an old man, you deserve the rest, son.” All of them gave their own concerns to Lighter’s suggestion–arguably, it sounded closer to an order rather than a suggestion–but he didn’t want to listen to them. He was adamant, also having his own power as their leader to push himself into this plan. He was willing to do anything, not caring about his injuries. With little to no luck, they accepted his persistence, each slowly heading off to bed to prepare for the early morning.

He had dreamt of this possibility for days, maybe even months. His body was definitely not in the best shape but if he could spend just a few more minutes with his comrades, his limbs could be torn off by an ethereal and he’d still smile through it all. It all played out exactly as his memories, this time he was joining them. As they walked together towards the hollow, Lighter began to feel dizzy. His vision slowly blurred, however his companions continued to walk forward.

“Dane! Nick! Ratena!” Lighter called out to them, yet they didn’t turn around, not even taking a moment to stop. “No, no, no no no no NO-” He tried running towards them but the distance just kept getting further and further. Running infinitely, trying to catch up to them but with his poor condition and slowly darkening eyesight, he couldn’t continue anymore. He came to a stop, looking down to his feet and seeing something shine in the dust. As he bent down, his eyes widened in surprise. It was their dog tags; Dane, Nick, and Ratenna, but there was one more with its name turned over. Lighter Lorenz. His name. How was that possible? His hand immediately went to his neck, searching for his tag that always hung around there. It wasn’t there. That was his dog tag, on the ground, with the rest of his mercenary companions.

He fell to his knees, understanding the possible outcome of this decision he could’ve made back then. Who would have found these if it weren’t him? Who would carry on their stories if he had gone along with them? What does that mean for his current present self? Questions bounced around in his head, holding those dog tags close to his chest. Tears began to trickle down his face once more, sadness being a common emotion at the end of all of these possibilities.

As he blinked away those tears, his surroundings had also changed. His bangboo would’ve notified him if he walked into a fissure so there was no way that he did. The setting sun of the Outer Ring burned his pupils, a scenery that he has become more than accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon. He hadn’t made any regretful decisions since joining, so there has got to be a reason that he’s experiencing this random day again.

He heard footsteps coming up behind him, followed by the sounds of feminine laughter. Despite being called the Sons of Calydon, it was a biker gang filled with mainly women. Currently, he is their champion, always winning and never turning down a challenge. They all stood side by side next to him, joking and teasing around with each other. “Caesar! Did you use my makeup again?” Lucy was trying her best to pull the tall green-grey haired woman down to her height. Piper barely kept her eyes open while Burnice was drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel down as they all watched the sunset together.

“I can always buy you more makeup, Lucy.” Lighter offered, his used to be young voice was now a lot deeper. None of them replied to him though; Caesar and Lucy still argued with each other, Piper was trying her best to stand up straight, Burnice started playing her songs. Was he being intentionally ignored? He remembers this moment, him heading out to Lumina Square and there he met you. His life had fully turned around when he joined the Sons of Calydon, understanding what it meant to be a Champion. Not just theirs, but yours as well. He had people he wanted to protect, disasters he wanted to prevent.

Fate played its tricks on him once more. He had his ‘second chance’, choosing to die alongside his comrades and now he had to ‘live’ as a ghost. Lighter was slowly trying to figure out how Hollow Zero was affecting his memories and ‘fate’. None of this was real–he knew that at least–but he had to admit that it felt real. Would he be satisfied with death? Would he be satisfied with his story not having a proper ending? His movie could be hours long, but after 30 minutes, there would be an abrupt black screen.

‘The aim of all life is death. Only there can we find true peace.’

This wasn’t the peace that he wanted. He craved closure, real end credits to his tragic documentary. If the aim is death, then he’ll live until he’s tired of it. Until his face becomes sore from smiling with you, until his taste buds turn numb with the lingering after notes of Nitro-Fuel, until his eyesight becomes hazy from the bright lights of the city, until his ears start ringing because of everyone’s laughter.

He yearned for death, believing that regret was all he could carry in his heart. Love and companionship changes a person, losing it turns them into a monster. He knows how it feels to have survivor’s guilt, he now knows how it feels to have so much love left to give but ultimately ripped away from him. Care, love, remorse, regret, they all went hand in hand when it came to Lighter, he can’t have one without the other. Tough decisions, bad mistakes but they all ultimately led him to where he was now.

He felt the Outer Ring’s breeze brush his face, a soft and gentle reminder of his new home and his new family.

Lighter opened his eyes once more, a small LED screen with crying eyes were barely inches away from his face. His hand went up to give the little bangboo a pat on the head, making it immediately spring back to life. “Hey, little guy. You think you can get us out of here?” Lighter asked as he slowly pushed himself up, seeing a few ethereals around. The bangboo began running through the hollow, following its Carrot to find the nearest exit out of Hollow Zero.

A couple of punches before swiftly sliding away. His top priority was to get out safely, not to fight every ethereal in his path. This ever changing maze proved to be difficult to navigate, the poor bangboo constantly finding a new route. After winding through the ruins of Old Eridu, they finally made it out of Hollow Zero. Further away from where they initially entered, however nothing too far to walk to. The sun was beginning to rise now, painting the sky in light gold hues. As he drove back to Blazewood, he took in the early morning sights of the Outer Ring. After living in the shadows for so long, he remembers his first purchase since being saved by Big Daddy. He used a little bit of the money to purchase his first and only pair of sunglasses. In order to help him acclimatize to bright life above those fighting rings while helping him with his hemophobia and eye injury, he thought that the shades would be a good start to his new chapter. Everything was a change of pace, including these.

“Lighter! There you are!” He immediately froze up. Those were the same words he heard in the Hollow. Was he still in there? He got off his bike and turned around slowly, preparing himself to see nothing again. “Where were you? I was worried sick last night when I went over to your room and you didn’t respond.” Your concerned voice put him at ease as he looked at you. “Uh um… my bad. Just… wanted to go for a late night drive,” his voice was shaky, hoping you wouldn’t see through his lie. Your brows furrowed as you looked him up and down, he felt as though he should just die because of your intense gaze. “Without me?? Next time I go to Lumina Square, I am not buying you the super pack of lollipops,” you teased him. He let out the biggest sigh of relief, for once not worrying about whether he’d get his favorite grape-flavored lollipop.

He removed his glove off of his hand and brought it up the side of your face. Your soft skin under his calloused hands, this felt like his true reality. He could see the way you scrunched up your nose, your eyebrows raised as he began caressing your cheek. “I missed you,” he whispered out, just loud enough for you to hear. It was still early in the morning, not as many people out just yet so he could allow himself this vulnerability for just a moment. Especially after realizing the possibility of never seeing you again, never seeing the girls again, he doesn’t know if he’s ready to go just yet. “What are you saying? Did you hit your head on a cactus?” Your hand went up to his, cupping it against your face as you nuzzled into him. He couldn’t give this up, never in his wildest dreams could he imagine a decision better than what he made back then.

“I just thought I should tell you. I lo-“ just as he was about to finish his words, Piper comes up in Steeltusk, parking the truck right next to the both of you. “You youngsters are so energetic these days…” She commented as she filled up the truck with some fuel, chuckling to herself. Both of you turned a little red, Lighter especially. Everyone knew of your relationship and yet it was still a little embarrassing to be so outwardly in love with each other. Lighter cleared his throat, thinking that Piper was still the same as she was in his memories. The rest of the girls were probably still asleep but this was all he needed to confirm that he was indeed out of that damned hollow.

With your hand in his, he knew what was waiting for him at the end of his life. The Sons of Calydon that he sworn to always win for, his mercenary comrades that haunts him every night, the friends he had made through the Tour de Inferno, and his love that was willing to be with him through it all. Fate is unfair, humans do not have the power to change what has already been decided. However, being human means having the power to live your life to its fullest, accepting what fate has in store and learning from it. Lighter will carry his regrets and burdens with him, over into the afterlife and even when all he becomes is a humble cactus to poke you.

#lumiwrites ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz #lighter lorenz #zzz lighter #lighter zenless zone zero #zenless zone zero lighter #lighter angst #lighter comfort #lighter x reader #lighter x gn reader #zenlezz zone zero #zenless zone zero fics #my longest post to date #quite proud of this #but still believing that i could have done this better #happy birthday lighter #lighter x you #he deserves a big hug actually #sobbing crying i hope yall like this

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worldly-fluster · 9 hours ago

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WARNING: ANGST

Talk of wanting to commit unalive.

You have been warned.

The LADS boys when...they find your 'Diary'

--Zayne-- Part 3 of 4

This is gonna be...fun lol

Zayne-

•He knew, somewhat, of what happened. In the time that he was gone, he knew something happened.

•Before he left, when you were younger kids, you were so...bratty. He may have looked like he hated it but he just couldn't get enough of you, as you were.

•He left in order to learn more, to help your heart.

•But when he was finally able to come back, when he saw you again...it was like whiplash.

•You were so quiet. So...withdrawn.

•This won't do.

•He knew you didn't speak about your family anymore. He didn't pry, they were full of themselves before he left, probably nothing changed with them so he saw no point in worrying.

•So he worked, even more, to get you to come back. His little bratty childhood friend.

•He succeeded after a while. You were confident again, acting like the kid you were a long time ago but...more mature this time.

•Though he may not like that your job puts you in harms way, but he couldn't force you to stop something that made you happy.

•He saw your eyes gleam when you saved lives. He couldn't, wouldn't ever even try to take that away from you.

•Today was no different.

•You just successfully defeated one of the most powerful Wanderers the association has seen in a while, yeah there were casualties but there were more survivors than wounded. Thanks to your quick thinking.

•He took you out to celebrate, after checking you were unharmed.

•You both went to an old restaurant that you used to go to as kids, he wanted to see you happy with memories.

•What he didn't expect was to run into your Mother and...some random man?

•You all stared at each other for a few seconds before Zayne stepped between you and smiled, stiffly.

•"Oh Hi Zayne, it's been a while. How are things?"

•While Zayne talked with your mother, he figured out a few things.

•Your parents got divorced, and your mother is... a complete narcissist.

•She married another narcissist, perfect for each other.

•The whole conversation took a turn however when they asked what you did for a living...

•When told, your Mother frowned.

•"So you were one of the people who failed so save those innocent lives lost?" "No wonder they died. Maybe you should have tried harder."

•When you told her that you got hurt trying your best, she frowned deeper.

•"Still, if I were you I would have tried harder and if that wasn't enough I would have sacrificed myself. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, like you, because I have a soul."

•Upon hearing this, Zayne understood more of why you stopped being around your mother.

•Zayne quickly came up with a work emergency, saying that he was your ride and you left most of your things in his car so he'll take you with him.

•He took your hand gently, paid the bill, and led you away to his car.

•He could feel icy hot anger creeping up his back, he knew if he heard anymore he would accidentally use his evol.

•He loved you since the beginning. He couldn't stand hearing that and knowing that you used to believe that... hopefully you don't anymore, not if he can help it.

•He drove you home and both of you decided to stay inside to read a few books you have yet to read.

•When you got home, you immediately went to take a shower, to get your thoughts together, while Zayne looked through the surprisingly large selection of books.

•While searching, he saw one of your old notebooks that he would see you write in sometimes. He's asked about it and you told him he could read it at a later date.

•He figured now was the later date, so he picked it up to read.

•Only a few pages on and he realized what you ment by 'later'.

•This notebook is the equivalent to writing a Will...and he didn't like how you were 'talking' about your death coming sooner or later whether it be by natural causes or your own hand...he definitely didn't like that part.

•He kept reading, thinking that maybe he should have convinced you to therapy, but he saw something about how you have been to too many therapists and you're sick of it, so he decided not to worry about it quite yet.

•He got to the last entry, which seemed pretty recent, when he heard your shower stop so he immediately snapped the book shut and put it back where he found it, picking up a random book next to it. Something called 'Forgiving what you can't forget', he doesn't know where you got this one nor does it look like something you would buy yourself.

•The entire time you all were reading together, he kept glancing from his book to you and the notebook.

•He decided he was definitely going to make sure that nothing in that book will come to fruition. If it's the last thing he does.

**I'm working on Rafayel's as we speak lol the last one, and imma try and make that one extra angsty cause I'm realizing most of you are Rafayel girlies 😘**

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace sylus #xavier love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #love and deepspace imagine #lads sylus #lads zayne #lads angst #l&ds

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permanentreverie · 6 months ago

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if nobody’s got me i know a large vanilla latte got me can i get an amen

#i work a split shift today :)#so like. 11 - close #amazing!#but so i wanted to get a good sleep so i went to sleep at 1 #anticipating a good 8-9 hour sleep #especially since it’s saturday like my roommate doesn’t work she sleeps in!#nope! she was up at 5 am :) crashing around :)#and she went out and then came back with a friend??? and i could hear them talking and shit??#by the time they left i knew i couldn’t fall back asleep #and ofc my brain is not kind to me today #loneliness really fucking sucks guys like i don’t recommend it #losing 3 friends in the span of two weeks is a talent #but i only have myself to blame!#i am literally the epitome of pushing through day by day #lindsay.text

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aerialmirrorss · 7 days ago

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𝐰 𝐢 𝐥 𝐝 𝐟 𝐥 𝐨 𝐰 𝐞 𝐫 ⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆ rafe cameron

playing: 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 by billie eilish 𝜗𝜚˚｡˚ ⋆

synopsis! rafe realizes how much he cares about you when he’s willing to put everything on the line for your safety after a leaked video gets to sarah, your best friend..

paring: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

warnings: friends? with benefits , angst , panic attack (pogue!reader) , soft(ish)!rafe (he’s bipolar ik) , sexual content + unprotected sex! , lots of praise + dirty talk , some fluff , the L word , potential stalker? , mature , 18+ (minors dni!)

word count: 7.4k

notes: this is chapter two of my nobody gets me series. click the link below to read chapter one! pls lmk if you’d like to be added to my taglist! ♡

chapter one: 𝐧 𝐨 𝐛 𝐨 𝐝 𝐲 𝐠 𝐞 𝐭 𝐬 𝐦 𝐞 ⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚｡˚ ⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆

to say rafe was freaking out would be an understatement. it had been days since he’d last seen you, and the silence on your end was driving him to the edge of his sanity. not a single text, call, or word had come from you. it was like you’d vanished, and every minute without hearing from you only made his frustration worse.

he sat on the edge of his bed at tannyhill, replaying the night in his head for the hundredth time. every detail, every sound, every look—it all came flooding back, leaving him questioning everything. maybe he’d been too rough. maybe he’d misread your reactions, thinking you wanted it when in reality, you were trying to get away. the thought sent a chill down his spine.

he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t focus. he paced his room, running his hand through his hair, biting his thumbnail anxiously as he mumbled under his breath. every scenario raced through his mind, each one worse than the last.

should he text you again? call? or maybe just drive to your house and force you to talk to him? the idea of busting down your door crossed his mind more than once, his desperation teetering on obsession. he hated feeling this out of control, hated not knowing where you stood.

but above all, he hated the thought of losing you—of you slipping through his fingers without giving him the chance to make it right.

just then, as if his prayers had been answered, your name lit up his phone. a call.

for a moment, he stared at the screen, his heart hammering in his chest before he cleared his throat and steadied his hand enough to swipe the answer button. “hey,” he said, his voice softer than usual.

the silence on your end made his stomach churn. maybe you’d called by accident? but then, faintly, he heard it—your voice. it was barely a whisper, rough and broken, like you’d been crying for hours.

“i need to talk to you,” you said, the vulnerability in your tone cutting straight through him.

“yeah, okay. i’ll come to you—” he shot up from his bed, already slipping on his shoes, when you interrupted him.

“n-no,” you stammered, your voice shaky. “just meet me at the beach. i’ll send you my pin.”

before he could respond, the line went dead, leaving him in silence once again. he stood frozen for a moment, staring at his phone, his mind racing. then, without hesitation, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door. whatever this was, he wasn’t about to leave it unresolved.

you watched as the waves crashed against the shore, the rhythmic sound doing little to calm the storm inside you. with trembling hands, you adjusted your hat and pulled up the hood of your oversized sweater, trying to shield yourself from the cool night air—and maybe from your own reflection in the water. your puffy eyes told the story you didn’t want to share. if it wasn’t already obvious you’d been crying for days, you wouldn’t have bothered with the oversized sweater as a weak disguise.

you’ve been spamming sarah’s phone nonstop, sending text after text, leaving voicemails that never got a reply. it got to the point where you’re certain she’s blocked you. the silent treatment has been unbearable, eating away at you in a way you didn’t expect.

but even worse, you haven’t set foot in the chateau since it all happened. you couldn’t bring yourself to. if sarah was mad at you—and you knew she was—then the rest of them probably were too. if she told them—and she likely did—you doubted any of them would want to see you.

the thought of facing jj, of looking into his bruised eye and knowing how you betrayed him, kept you away. you didn’t deserve their forgiveness, so you didn’t ask for it. instead, you sat here, waiting for rafe, the one person you weren’t sure you could avoid any longer.

you feel a presence behind you, the weight of it heavy in the air, and you know without looking who it is. the sound of footsteps crunching softly against the sand confirms it before that presence settles beside you.

rafe doesn’t say anything at first, but you can feel his eyes on you, studying you, trying to gauge your mood. you don’t turn to face him, but out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of his expression—his furrowed brows, the slight downturn of his lips, and the unmistakable concern in his features.

your chest tightens. maybe he already knew about the video. maybe that’s why he looked like this—like he wasn’t sure what to say but felt he needed to be here.

you swallow hard, forcing the lump in your throat down, the tension stretching painfully in the quiet. “sarah knows, rafe,” you mutter finally, your voice barely above a whisper, but it feels deafening in the stillness.

you turn your head slightly to gauge his reaction, but he doesn’t give you one. his expression doesn’t change, his silence heavy and unreadable. of course he doesn’t react—you should’ve expected that.

you sigh softly, the weight of it all pressing harder against you. “there’s, um—” your voice cracks, and you pause, biting down on your trembling lip as the tears threaten to spill. “there’s a video of us. before we got in the truck. and someone sent it to her.”

you roll your lips into your mouth, trying desperately to hold yourself together, but it feels like you’re crumbling piece by piece. a single tear slips down your cheek, warm against your cold, rosy skin. you don’t wipe it away, too consumed by the weight of everything to care.

your chest feels like it’s caving in, the weight of it pressing down so hard it steals the air from your lungs. your breaths come short and shallow, each one more desperate than the last as if no matter how hard you try, you can’t pull in enough oxygen. your hands start to tremble, curling into fists at your sides, and your heart pounds so violently in your chest it feels like it might burst.

your vision starts to tunnel, the edges blurring as the crashing waves in front of you twist into an indistinguishable mess of sound and movement. your head feels light, like you’re floating and sinking at the same time, and a sharp heat spreads through your chest and throat, making it even harder to breathe.

you press your hands against your knees, trying to ground yourself, but it only makes the dizziness worse. the lump in your throat feels unbearable, choking you as tears stream uncontrollably down your face. everything feels too loud and too bright, the sound of the waves and the faint hum of rafe’s presence blending into an overwhelming cacophony.

“hey,” rafe says softly, his voice distant despite being right next to you. you barely register the warmth of his hand against your arm. “hey, look at me. breathe. just breathe.”

but you can’t. your body is out of your control, your mind spiraling into a dark abyss of guilt, fear, and panic. the more you fight it, the tighter the grip becomes, until all you can do is clutch your arms around yourself, trying to hold the pieces of you together as the panic consumes you.

rafe stands abruptly, the tension in his movements evident, before crouching down right in front of you. his hand gently cups your cheek, his thumb brushing slow, soothing strokes over your skin, an anchor in the storm of your panic.

“hey, hey, hey,” he murmurs, his voice low and steady, drawing your unfocused gaze to his. his eyes lock onto yours, grounding and intent. “look at me,” he urges, keeping his tone soft but firm.

he takes a deep inhale, exaggerating the motion so you can follow it, then exhales slowly, motioning for you to mimic him, taking your hand and putting it on his chest. “breathe with me,” he says, his own chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

your attempts are shaky at first, uneven gasps that barely resemble breaths, but you follow him. inhale. exhale. over and over. relief washes over his face as your breathing starts to regulate, the shallow gasps slowly giving way to deeper, steadier pulls of air.

“there we go,” he soothes, his thumb still tracing gentle circles on your cheek. “good job, baby.” the nickname slips out before he can stop it, but he doesn’t correct himself, too focused on calming you.

his other hand comes to rest lightly on your knee, grounding you further, his presence unwavering. “i’ve got you,” he says softly, his voice steady, as if willing you to believe it.

in that moment, as rafe watched you close your eyes, your chest rising and falling steadily again, relief softening your tear-streaked face, something inside him snapped. rage surged through him like a tidal wave, sudden and uncontrollable.

and he blamed sarah.

to him, it was her fault. she had no right to get involved, no reason to make this worse. something that was meant to stay between you and him—just you and him—was now tearing you apart. and all because of her.

his jaw clenched, his teeth grinding together as he thought about her selfishness, her spoiled sense of righteousness. it didn’t matter that she was his sister; all he could see was the way her actions had hurt you. the way she had betrayed him.

the image of you struggling to breathe, broken and panicked because of her interference, made his blood boil. it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t right. and it was enough to make him see red.

and then there was that damn video.

the thought of it made rafe’s fists clench at his sides. it wasn’t just about the invasion of privacy; it was about you—your exposure in such a vulnerable moment. the idea of someone lurking, watching, and recording without your knowledge made his blood run cold with anger.

he didn’t care about his own reputation, not in the slightest. all he cared about was you and the way it could hurt you, the way it already had hurt you.

rafe was determined to figure out who took it. he didn’t care how long it would take or what he’d have to do to get the answers. whoever it was would regret ever crossing that line. and he’d make sure of it.

rafe gently pulls you to your feet, his hands steadying you before he wraps his arms around your shoulders, drawing you into a firm, grounding hug. the warmth radiating from his body seeps into you, calming the residual tremors in your chest. his steady breathing against the top of your head is a silent reassurance that you’re okay, that he’s got you.

“you’re good,” he murmurs softly, almost to himself, as if trying to convince you both.

after a few moments, he pulls back slightly, his hands brushing your arms as he guides you toward the passenger side of his truck. he opens the door and helps you inside, his fingers lingering as he buckles your seatbelt, the light touch against your bare thighs sending goosebumps rippling across your skin. you shiver but don’t say anything, leaning back into the seat as he closes the door.

once the truck is moving, the hum of the engine fills the comfortable silence between you. you haven’t said a word since the breakdown at the beach, but rafe doesn’t push. he seems to understand that the quiet is what you need right now.

he pulls into a nearby gas station, the bright lights spilling across the truck as he puts it in park. “i’ll be quick,” he mumbles, more to himself than you, before slipping out and heading inside.

you sit there, watching him through the window as he grabs a water bottle and lingers near the snack aisle, seemingly deliberating. for a brief moment, you feel a flicker of something you can’t place—gratitude, guilt, or maybe just relief that he’s here.

inside, rafe grabs a pack of gummy worms, deciding it’s the safest option. he figures it’s something easy, something you might actually eat since he’s convinced you haven’t been eating properly these past few days. satisfied, he starts to head to the checkout when he hears it—a laugh he knows all too well, one that instantly sets him on edge.

his head snaps in the direction of the sound, and there they are—sarah and john b, standing in the same aisle he just walked out of. rafe’s jaw tightens, a flare of anger igniting in his chest. it takes everything in him not to start something right then and there.

his fists clench at his sides as he forces himself to stay composed, but the tension in his body is undeniable as he turns on his heel and strides toward her.

“i need to talk to you,” he says sharply, his voice low but firm as he approaches sarah.

sarah visibly jumps at his sudden appearance, her startled expression quickly morphing into a glare. rafe can see the way her jaw ticks, the anger bubbling just beneath the surface, mirroring his own.

she glances at john b, offering him a reassuring smile. “i’ll be right back,” she says calmly, though her tone carries an edge. reluctantly, john b stays put, watching them as sarah follows rafe to the back of the store, where the beverage aisle is quieter and out of sight.

as soon as they’re alone, rafe’s grip tightens on the gummy worms and water bottle in his hands, his knuckles turning white as he struggles for some semblance of control. his glare pierces through sarah, the tension between them thick and heavy, charged with years of unresolved resentment.

“you had no fucking right,” he growls, his voice low and venomous, the anger in his tone bubbling just beneath the surface, threatening to spill over.

sarah’s brows knit together, her own frustration flaring as she lowers her voice to a sharp whisper. “i had no right? rafe, you had no fucking right!” she hisses, her eyes blazing with anger. “my best friend of all people? are you serious? you could’ve literally chosen anyone else, anyone, but no, you always have to come after my happiness!”

her words hang heavy between them, cutting deeper than she intended. rafe’s jaw clenches, his entire body rigid as he stares at her, his anger matched only by the faint flicker of hurt she’s unknowingly struck.

“this isn’t about your happiness,” he snaps back, his voice still low but laced with venom. “this is about you sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. you had no right to drag her into this.”

sarah crosses her arms, her glare unwavering. “and you had no right to do what you did, rafe. you knew what this would do to her, to me, to all of us. but you didn’t care, did you? because you never do.”

rafe steps closer, the tension between them nearly suffocating as his voice drops even lower, dripping with bitterness. “you think i don’t care? you have no idea what i feel, sarah. none. but you—you took it too far. that video?” his grip tightens around the items in his hands, the plastic crinkling under the pressure. “do you have any idea what that did to her? to me?”

sarah’s arms tighten around herself, but she doesn’t back down. “i didn’t take that video, rafe. don’t pin your shit on me,” she fires back, her voice steadier now, but no less angry. “you’re the one who dragged her into your bullshit. you’re the one who made her a target.”

“a target? i’ve been protecting her!” he snarls, his composure cracking as he takes another step closer. “you think i wanted this? for someone to spy on us, to send you a video like that? you have no idea what i’d do to keep her safe.”

sarah laughs bitterly, shaking her head. “protecting her? from what, rafe? from you?” her words are sharp, designed to cut, and they do. “because that’s what it looks like from where I’m standing.”

rafe’s jaw ticks, his breathing heavy, as he stares her down, trying to bite back the words that threaten to spill. “you don’t get it,” he mutters, his voice thick with frustration. “you never did. this isn’t about you, sarah.”

“no, it’s about her,” she snaps, her voice rising slightly despite her attempt to keep it contained. “my best friend, rafe. she’s not just some girl for you to fuck around with and forget about when it’s convenient. she deserves better than this—better than you.”

the words hit him harder than he expects, but he doesn’t let it show. instead, he leans in closer, his tone sharp as a blade. “and you think she needs you playing savior? she doesn’t, sarah. she’s stronger than you give her credit for.”

sarah’s face softens slightly, her anger flickering into something more conflicted, but she doesn’t back down. “if she’s so strong, then why is she breaking because of you?” she whispers, her voice quieter now but no less cutting.

rafe doesn’t answer immediately, his grip loosening as the weight of her words settles over him. for the first time, he looks away, his jaw tight as he swallows hard.

sarah sighs deeply, her anger giving way to something softer, though the tension in her shoulders remains. she looks down at her shoes for a moment before lifting her gaze to meet rafe’s, her eyes filled with something he doesn’t expect—concern.

“if you really care about her, rafe,” she says, her voice quieter now, less sharp but still firm, “you’ll leave her alone. you’re just going to take her down with you.”

her words cut deeper than he wants to admit, but he doesn’t let it show. his jaw tightens, his eyes narrowing as he shakes his head. “you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mutters, his voice low but defensive.

“don’t i?” sarah counters, her brows furrowing. “i’ve seen it, rafe. the way you drag people into your chaos. she’s already hurting because of you—look at what’s happened these past few days! she doesn’t need this. she doesn’t need you.”

rafe flinches at the words but quickly masks it with anger. “and what? you think walking away is going to fix everything? you think i can just leave her and pretend like nothing happened?” his voice rises slightly, frustration creeping in.

“yes,” sarah replies simply, her tone steady but sad. “because if you don’t, she’s going to lose herself trying to save you. and you know that, rafe. deep down, you know that.”

rafe’s hands clench into fists, his breathing heavy as her words sink in. for a moment, he’s silent, his eyes darting away as he processes what she’s said. but instead of responding, he turns on his heel, walking away from her and toward the checkout, his mind racing with everything he doesn’t want to admit might be true.

as rafe walks toward the checkout, his thoughts are a storm of anger, guilt, and something deeper he can’t quite name. sarah’s words play over and over in his head, each repetition chipping away at his defenses. if you really care about her, you’ll leave her alone. the weight of it feels unbearable, but he pushes it down, refusing to let it show.

he pays for the water and gummy worms quickly, his mind far from the mundane transaction. the cashier’s bored expression barely registers as he grabs the bag and heads back to the truck. the short walk feels like miles, his chest tight with a mix of emotions he can’t fully unravel.

when he gets back to the truck, he opens the door and climbs in, placing the bag on the center console. you’re still in the passenger seat, curled up slightly, staring out the window at the empty gas station parking lot. the dim light casts shadows across your face, and rafe’s chest aches at the sight of you looking so small, so fragile.

“here,” he says, his voice softer than usual as he pulls out the water and gummy worms, placing them gently in your lap. “figured you should have something.”

you don’t look at him right away, your fingers hesitating before picking up the water bottle. “thanks,” you murmur, your voice barely audible, but it’s the first thing you’ve said to him since the beach. it feels like both a relief and a dagger in his chest.

rafe leans back in his seat, running a hand through his hair as silence falls between you again. he doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to fix this. sarah’s words linger in the back of his mind like a poison, making him question everything.

finally, he glances at you, his voice quieter than you’ve ever heard it. “do you… do you want me to take you home?” the question hangs in the air, heavy and uncertain, as he watches you for any sign of what you want, what you need from him.

“um—my mom and i kinda got into this fight,” you admit, your voice small, barely louder than the hum of the truck’s engine. “i really don’t want to be home right now.” your fingers fumble with the cap of the water bottle before you finally twist it open, the cool liquid soothing the dryness in your throat.

rafe glances at you briefly, nodding as he shifts the truck into gear. “tannyhill it is,” he says simply, his tone steady but softer than you expected.

soon, he’s reversing out of the gas station, the hum of the tires on the road filling the silence between you. you steal a glance at him, his profile illuminated by the dim dashboard lights. his grip on the steering wheel is firm, his jaw tight, but his expression is calm—focused, almost protective.

you sip your water quietly, the tension from earlier slowly starting to ebb away, replaced by a strange sense of relief. for all of rafe’s flaws, he always had a way of making you feel like, in the moment, nothing else could touch you.

as the truck cruises through the dark streets, you lean your head against the window, your eyes fluttering closed for a moment. the familiar scent of leather and cologne fills your senses, grounding you more than you care to admit.

you hadn’t been to tannyhill in a while, the last time being a couple of weeks ago with rafe. stepping inside now, you realize it hasn’t changed—it still holds that same strange sense of comfort, despite everything. the air smells faintly of cedar and something distinctly rafe, a mix of cologne and the warm musk of the house itself.

rafe walks in behind you, the sound of his shoes soft against the hardwood floor. he sets his keys down next to the coat hanger with a quiet clink, his movements uncharacteristically calm. you glance around as you step further into the house, your gaze catching the open laptop and scattered paperwork on the coffee table. clearly, he’d been in the middle of something important when you called.

you move to the outside balcony, sinking onto the couch there, the cool night air brushing against your skin. rafe follows shortly after, standing in the doorway for a moment before stepping onto the balcony.

your eyes flick back to the coffee table through the glass door, taking in the slight disarray of his work. he must’ve dropped everything the moment he heard your voice, and the thought makes your chest tighten, your heart swelling with an unfamiliar warmth.

“you didn’t have to stop what you were doing,” you say softly, glancing up at him.

he shrugs, leaning against the balcony railing, his expression unreadable but his voice steady. “it’s not important. you are.”

his words linger in the air between you, and for once, you don’t overthink them. you just let yourself feel the comfort of being here, the weight of the day slowly lifting.

“rafe—” you begin, your voice soft, almost hesitant.

“yeah?” he cuts in quickly, his response sharp and immediate, like he’d been waiting on edge for you to say something. his eyes search yours, his posture tense, his mind clearly elsewhere. sarah’s words are still plaguing him, the weight of them pulling him into his thoughts.

you take a small breath, steadying yourself. “thank you,” you say, your tone even softer now. “for helping me through that.”

his expression softens slightly, and he takes a step closer before sitting down on the small table in front of you, close enough that his knees brush yours. his focus is completely on you now, and the tension in his shoulders eases just a fraction.

“it’s happened before,” you admit quietly, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your sweater, “but it’s never been that…” your voice trails off, the weight of earlier still heavy in your chest.

rafe nods slowly, understanding without needing you to finish the sentence. “i know,” he says softly, his voice steady but tinged with something that sounds like regret. his gaze holds yours, unwavering. “it’s okay. you’re okay.”

his words settle over you like a blanket, grounding you in the moment. for all his rough edges, rafe had a way of being exactly what you needed when the world felt like too much. and right now, that was more than enough.

the silence stretches between you, heavy and unspoken, until rafe finally sighs, breaking it. “i saw sarah at the store,” he says, his voice low.

your gaze lifts from your fingers, which had been nervously fiddling with the hem of your sweater. sitting up straighter, you meet his eyes, searching for something in his expression. “what did she say?” you ask softly.

he exhales sharply, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “i just want you to know,” he begins, his voice steady but tense, “she’s not mad at you. she’s mad at me.” his hand clenches into a fist, his knuckles whitening as he stares down at the floor.

“sarah…” he trails off, his jaw tightening at the mere thought of her. after a beat, he continues, his voice bitter. “she thinks i’m using you to get to her.”

the words hang in the air, and for a moment, all you can do is watch him, trying to make sense of it all. “are you?” you ask, your voice quiet but firm, your gaze unwavering as you search his face.

rafe’s eyes flicker between yours, the tension in his body palpable. his jaw works for a moment, and then he finally answers, his voice steady. “no.”

the way he says it—calm, without hesitation—makes you believe him. but the weight of everything else still lingers, making the air between you feel thick and unsteady.

“rafe, it’s fine. really, I’m over it,” you say softly, trying to keep your tone light, even though it feels like there’s a weight pressing down on your chest. “if you just want to keep it casual, then we’ll leave it at that. it was the agreement in the first place, right?”

his jaw tightens, his teeth grinding together as he struggles to keep his composure. casual. the word feels like a knife twisting in his gut because it’s the opposite of what he wants.

but admitting that to you? that’s something else entirely. he almost slipped earlier—nearly spilled everything in the middle of the gas station while arguing with sarah. but here, sitting across from you, the words feel too heavy, too risky.

rafe wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to protect you. every instinct in him screamed to keep you away from his world, to shield you from the darkness that followed him everywhere he went.

“it’s not that simple,” he mutters finally, his voice low, as if he’s talking more to himself than to you. his fists clench again, the tension in his body radiating outward. “you think this is about keeping it casual? it’s not. it’s about keeping you safe.”

his eyes flick to yours, and for a moment, the mask slips completely. there’s a raw vulnerability in his expression, something he’s been trying to keep buried. “the way i live my life… it’ll ruin you,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. “and i can’t let that happen.”

your brows knit together, a confused pout forming on your lips that almost makes him cave. “if this is about stacy thornton—”

“it’s not about stacy,” he interrupts quickly, his tone sharp but not unkind. his hands move to his face, rubbing stressfully as he exhales deeply. “the reason you saw me with her that day on the golf course… it wasn’t what you think.”

you stay quiet, your gaze fixed on him as he drops his hands and meets your eyes again. “i was trying to strike a deal with her father. cameron development is his company’s biggest competitor, and if i can get close to stacy, he won’t see me as a threat, and i could blindside him,” he explains, his voice steady but laced with frustration, as though the situation is as exhausting for him as it is for you.

his hand instinctively finds your knee, his thumb tracing gentle patterns across it, grounding himself as much as you. “i don’t want anything to do with stacy, i promise,” he says, his tone softening as he looks at you, his eyes searching yours for any sign of understanding.

the sincerity in his voice, the gentle touch of his hand, and the raw honesty in his confession make it harder for you to hold onto the frustration you felt before. “then why does it feel like you’re always pushing me away?” you whisper, your voice trembling slightly.

his eyes shut softly, as if he’s trying to gather any remaining resolve he can muster. his chest rises and falls with a heavy sigh before he speaks, his voice low and unsteady. “because, baby…” the nickname slips from his lips so naturally, so effortlessly, it sends a flutter through your stomach despite the weight of the moment.

“if i don’t push you away,” he continues, his eyes opening slowly to meet yours, “then i have to let you in. and i can’t do that to you.” his voice cracks just slightly at the end, the vulnerability slipping through despite his attempts to stay composed.

his hand tightens its grip on your knee for a moment, as if anchoring himself to you, his thumb still tracing gentle patterns. “letting you in means exposing you to all of it—everything i’ve done, everything i am. and you don’t deserve that.” his voice wavers, the rawness in his tone making your chest ache.

you stare at him, your heart twisting at his words. “but don’t you see?” you whisper, leaning forward slightly, your own voice trembling. “you’re not protecting me by shutting me out, rafe. you’re just hurting me more.”

his resolve crumbles completely, the weight of holding back proving too much. he sighs softly, his hand sliding from your knee to gently grip your chin, tilting your face toward his. his eyes search yours for a moment, as if asking for permission, before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours in a soft, tentative kiss.

it’s not like the other times. this kiss isn’t rushed or heated—it’s careful, almost fragile, like he’s afraid it might break both of you if he lingers too long. his thumb brushes your jaw as his lips move against yours, and for a moment, the rest of the world fades away.

when he pulls back slightly, his forehead rests against yours, his hand still holding your chin. his voice is barely a whisper when he speaks. “i’m sorry,” he murmurs, his breath warm against your lips. “i just… i don’t know how else to show you.”

“show me what?” you whisper, your voice trembling slightly as you chew on your bottom lip, trying to steady yourself, trying to keep from closing the distance between you again.

rafe’s hand lingers on your chin, his thumb gently brushing your skin as his eyes bore into yours, raw and unguarded. he swallows hard, his voice breaking slightly as he finally says the words that have been clawing at him for what feels like forever.

“that i love you,” he murmurs, the confession hanging heavily in the air between you. his gaze doesn’t falter, watching your every reaction like he’s bracing himself for whatever comes next.

your breath catches in your throat, his words hitting you harder than you ever expected. the vulnerability in his voice, the way his hand shakes ever so slightly against your skin—it’s enough to shatter any walls you had left.

“well, i can piece it together, i’m a big girl,” you mutter, your words barely leaving your lips before you close the space between you, crashing your mouth against his without another thought.

rafe groans softly, his hands immediately finding their way into your hair, tangling in it as he pulls you closer. in one swift motion, he removes the hat from your head, tossing it aside like it’s in his way. his lips move against yours with a mixture of urgency and tenderness, his touch igniting a spark that makes your whole body feel alive.

“what are you doing to me, huh?” he mumbles against your lips, his voice low and gravelly, the words almost a plea.

you smile against his mouth, the smallest laugh escaping you before you pull back just enough to meet his eyes, your hands brushing lightly against his chest. “probably the same thing you’re doing to me,” you reply softly, your gaze flickering between his lips and his eyes.

a smirk tugs at the corners of his mouth before he pulls you back in, kissing you deeply, as if trying to make up for all the moments he held himself back.

rafe’s kisses left you dizzy, every touch, every movement pulling you deeper into him. before you even realized it, you were rolling your hips against his, your body moving instinctively, chasing the heat building between you. breathy moans slipped from your lips against his, and his hands gripped your waist firmly, guiding your movements as you straddled him.

“fuck, baby,” he groans, his head falling back slightly as he leans into the couch, his gaze flicking up to meet yours. “doing so good f’me,” he mumbles, his voice rough with pleasure.

his words send a spark through you, making your hips move more deliberately, the friction sending shivers up your spine. rafe’s eyes never leave you, dark and hooded as he watches you attempt to bounce on him, your movements unsteady as the overwhelming pleasure takes hold of you.

“that’s it,” he murmurs, his hands sliding down to grip your hips tighter, helping you find a rhythm. “so fucking perfect.” his praise only spurs you on, the intensity building with every roll of your hips, every moan that slips from both your lips. the world around you fades away, leaving just the two of you and the heat consuming you both.

the way you were squeezing around him had rafe’s jaw ticking, his self-control hanging by a thread. every movement of your hips sent shockwaves through him, and he was trying—really trying—not to lose himself and thrust into you, wanting to keep you comfortable.

but when he couldn’t hold back any longer, his hands gripped your waist firmly, flipping you so your back was splayed against the couch. before you could even process the shift, he grabbed one of the nearby pillows, sliding it under your lower back to lift your hips, positioning you for a deeper angle.

“trust me,” he murmured, his voice rough but tender, his lips brushing against your temple as he settled between your legs.

then he started moving, his pace firm and deliberate, each thrust pushing into you with an intensity that had you crying out, your moans matching the rhythm of his movements. your hands gripped his neck for support, nails digging in slightly as the new angle sent pleasure coursing through you in waves.

“fuck,” rafe groaned, his voice low and strained as he watched your body arch beneath him. “you feel so good, baby—so fucking perfect.” his words only amplified the heat pooling in your core, your moans turning into desperate gasps as he kept up the relentless pace, the balcony echoing with the sounds of skin meeting skin and your shared breaths.

“rafe, shit—don’t stop,” you beg, your voice trembling as your legs quiver around his waist, struggling to keep hold of him as he pounds into you. every thrust sends waves of pleasure coursing through you, your body arching into his as you cling to him for support.

he groans at your words, his eyes darkening as his hand slides up your body, finding its way to your neck. his fingers curl around your throat, applying just enough pressure under your jaw to make your head spin, the sensation amplifying the overwhelming heat pooling in your core.

“you like that, huh?” he mutters, his voice rough and dripping with control as he watches your face twist in pleasure beneath him. “look at you, baby, taking it so well for me.”

your eyes flutter closed as the overwhelming combination of his relentless pace and the pressure on your neck sends you spiraling closer to the edge. “rafe,” you whimper, your voice trembling, the sound barely audible over the symphony of heavy breaths and skin meeting skin.

his eyes stay locked on you, drinking in the sight of your flushed cheeks, parted lips, and trembling body beneath him. his other hand moves to press firmly on your lower stomach, the added pressure making you cry out, your back arching against the couch as the sensation intensifies everything.

“fuck,” he groans, his voice gravelly as he watches your reactions, completely entranced by the way you respond to him. “you feel that?” he mutters, his hand pressing down just a little more. “feel how deep i am?”

you can only nod weakly, your moans turning into desperate, breathless gasps as your body tightens around him, squeezing with every thrust. rafe’s jaw clenches, his own composure fraying as he drives you both closer and closer to the edge, his pace never faltering.

“come on, pretty girl,” he murmurs through gritted teeth, his tone raw and commanding. “cum for me. i’ve got you.”

his words are the final push, and your body shudders as the release crashes over you. your walls convulse around his cock, pulling a deep, guttural moan from his throat. the intensity has your head spinning, and your moans dissolve into gasps as he keeps thrusting, prolonging your high even as the overstimulation starts to set in.

rafe’s hand slips from your neck, his head dropping to rest beside yours, his breath hot against your skin. his pace falters as he feels his own release building rapidly. when your cunt squeezes him tightly on a particularly deep thrust, it sends him over the edge.

“fuck,” he groans, his hips stuttering as he spills inside of you, filling you completely. his grip on your hips tightens as he rides out the waves of his orgasm, his body trembling slightly against yours.

the room falls into a heavy silence, the only sounds the mingling of your ragged breaths and the faint hum of the crickets outside. rafe stays still for a moment, his forehead pressed against your shoulder, grounding himself before slowly pulling out to look at you, his eyes soft but unreadable.

“i’m sorry,” he murmurs, his voice soft, almost hesitant. “i didn’t mean to be rough.” his eyes scan your face intently, searching for any trace of discomfort or regret.

you let out a soft laugh, reaching up to pull his face down to yours, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. his shoulders relax, and he smiles against your mouth, the tension in his body melting away.

when you pull back, the wet sound of the kiss echoes softly in the quiet night, and a playful smirk tugs at your lips. “you’re so cute,” you tease, your voice light and full of warmth.

for the first time, you see his cheeks flush a faint shade of pink, and the sight makes you erupt into a fit of laughter. rafe huffs softly, shaking his head, but there’s a shy grin tugging at his lips that he can’t hide.

“i love you, rafe,” you say suddenly, the words falling from your lips with ease, no hesitation or doubt.

his eyes widen slightly, his expression softening as he looks at you. for a moment, he’s silent, his hand brushing against your cheek. “i love you,” he whispers, his voice rough but steady, his gaze holding yours as if to make sure you know just how much he means it.

“we’re gonna be okay,” you whisper softly, your hand coming up to caress his cheek. your thumb brushes over his skin in slow, soothing strokes, your eyes locked on his.

“yeah,” rafe murmurs, his voice dark and full of resolve, “after i kill the person who recorded you.”

your hand stills for a moment, his words making your stomach twist. you can see the tension in his jaw, the way his eyes darken at the thought, his anger simmering just beneath the surface.

“rafe,” you say softly, leaning closer to him, your tone a mixture of caution and reassurance. “that’s not how we should handle this. i just… i just want it to go away. i don’t want you to make it worse.”

his eyes flicker back to yours, softening slightly, though the fire in them doesn’t fully fade. “no one gets to do that to you,” he mutters, his hand coming up to cover yours on his cheek. “no one gets to hurt you and get away with it.”

you sigh, leaning your forehead against his. “we’ll figure it out. together. just… don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

he doesn’t answer right away, the weight of your words hanging between you. but after a moment, he nods reluctantly, his hand tightening around yours. “okay,” he finally says, his voice calm, though the tension in his tone betrays him. it’s clear he’s only agreeing to keep you at ease.

later, once you’ve fallen into a deep, peaceful sleep, rafe gently scoops you up, careful not to wake you. he carries you to his bed, tucking you under the soft duvet. his gaze lingers on your face for a moment, his expression softening as he brushes a stray strand of hair from your cheek. with a quiet sigh, he turns and closes the door behind him.

but there’s no rest for him tonight. he stalks to his office, the air around him heavy with purpose. dropping into his chair, he powers up his laptop, his jaw set as he begins sending emails and messages.

personal investigators, tech-savvy acquaintances, and anyone else who might help him track down the person responsible for the video—you’re not just a priority to him; you’re the priority.

each keystroke is filled with a quiet rage, his determination growing with every email sent. rafe won’t rest, won’t stop, until he figures out who did this to you—and makes sure they regret it.

taglist!: @loren8818181 @cherubcameron @shookyungsoo @waywarddiplomatfarmmonger-blog @furiouscopshepherduniversity @chenslucy @superswaggycooch @ggyuslovie @mileyraes @tincanhat @pinklleemonade @stylestarkey @percysley @rrosiitas @ipromiseidk @faephoria

#⋆ ˚𝐚𝐫𝐢𝜗𝜚writes #drew starkey #rafe cameron #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey x reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #drew starkey fanfiction #drew starkey fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #drew starkey smut #drew starkey imagine

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fastandcarlos · 3 months ago

Text

"Uncle Charles?" : ̗̀➛ Charles LeClerc

summary: for the first time charles feels as if he's part of your family, all thanks to your car obsessed niece

Your hand waved into the air as you noticed Charles appear in your parents’ garden, dressed still in bright red Ferrari after finishing for the day. There were children running around everywhere as you celebrated your niece’s birthday, with Charles appearing at the end of the day.

Despite you assuring Charles that he didn’t need to worry about attending, he was adamant he was going to make the time. When he appeared, your family were more than surprised, knowing just how busy Charles had been as the start of the new season loomed.

As Charles made his way over to you though, he was intercepted by a voice calling out his name, a figure running across and leaping up into his arms. Charles stumbled back as your niece leapt up and gave him a hug, her arms going tightly around his neck as Charles held onto her waist, carrying her over to where you sat.

“Happy birthday cherie,” Charles grinned, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You look like you’re having a good time,” he added, taking a look around the garden.

“I was waiting for you to arrive,” she excitedly told him.

As Charles sat down beside you, he placed your niece back onto the ground, but she refused to let him go. With her still holding on, he leant across and pressed a kiss to your cheek to try and greet you, but your niece was having none of it.

“Did training go well?” You asked, unable to hold back your laughter as your niece invited herself to sit up in Charles’ lap, ignoring her friends who were calling for her to play with them.

The bond that Charles had with your niece had always been close ever since they first met. He was beyond amazing with her, which your sister was particularly a big fan of, finding herself getting giddy whenever Charles was around, never quite being able to leave him alone for too long.

“Yeah, for once, it actually went pretty well,” Charles smiled, his voice filled with relief after what could only be described as a tricky build into the preseason preparations.

As he sat with your family though, he was reminded about what was important. As much as he wanted the car to do well, what mattered the most was the people around him, particularly the little one in his lap who was over the moon to be able to spend her birthday with him.

“I’m happy that you managed to make it here though,” you told him, keeping your eyes on your niece, “and I think I know someone else who is pretty happy to have you here too.”

If he was honest, Charles wouldn’t have missed it for the world, although your niece wasn’t on his side of the family, he still absolutely adored her. He wasn’t blind to how close they were too, knowing that she was counting on him to show up for her.

“What’s been the highlight of your day princess?” Charles asked as your niece shifted to look up at him, her hands cupping against his cheeks. “There’s got to be one present that you can’t wait to show me later on tonight.”

Her head nodded, turning round to face Charles properly again. “My favourite present is your present that you bought me,” she proudly told him, recalling the Ferrari car that you’d bought her, well, a child sized one at least.

Charles’ smile turned up as she spoke, “I had a feeling that you’d like it. Maybe I can try and get some Ferrari clothes for you so that you can look the part too.”

Your niece nodded instantly, “I want to be just like Uncle Charles, that would be awesome.”

Your eyes flickered across to Charles, making sure that he was listening to. A gasp came from him, his eyes lighting up as he took a moment to make sure that he wasn’t just dreaming what he had heard.

“Want to be like who?” Charles asked her, wanting to hear it one more time to make sure that he was correct. “Who is it that you want to be the same as?”

“Uncle Charles,” she giggled, “I want to be able to drive really fast when I’m older and drive all of the cool cars.”

“Uncle Charles,” Charles whispered to himself, “well, that’s pretty cool.”

You reached across and pressed your hand against Charles’ shoulder to try and keep him together, sensing that he was feeling slightly overwhelmed. Your niece was unaware of what she had done, but hearing her finally call him uncle meant more to Charles then he could ever express.

“I’m going to go and ask mummy if I can play with the car soon,” your niece told you both, climbing out of Charles’ lap. “I want you to show me how to do it before you go home so I can be as fast as you.”

Charles helped her down before shifting his body to look around at you, letting go of a chuckle of disbelief. You smiled widely across at him, nudging against Charles’ arm gently.

“You must be pretty important for her to call you uncle,” you told him, brushing your hand through his hair. “She absolutely adores you Charles, apparently you’ve got your own mini me in the future already too.”

“She’s a good kid,” Charles hummed, still slightly in disbelief. “I’m trying to be chill about this, but inside my heart is absolutely racing right now.”

You could tell from the look in his eyes that it meant the world to Charles, your family were all special to him, but the children in your family were a little more. He loved being around them, entertaining them and making them smile, which he seemed to do perfectly.

“It sounds like I’ve got to find a pretty good present for next year too,” he chuckled, “do you think your sister might hate me for buying her a Ferrari?”

“I dread to think the state her house will be in soon,” you sniggered.

As guilty as Charles wanted to feel, seeing how excited your niece was about her gift made it all worth it for him. “I might have to go and apologise otherwise she’ll never speak to me again.”

“Well, you’ve definitely won the competition for best present this year,” you joked, slipping your hand into his. “She won’t be mad at you for too long anyway, she adores you, my whole family do to be honest.”

“They’re awesome,” Charles encouraged, “I’ve never known a group of people to make me feel so welcome in my life, I feel like I’ve always been here with you guys.”

“Now you’ve got no choice but to be stuck with us too.”

“I’m not complaining,” Charles noted, pulling you up from where you sat, twirling you around and letting you fall into his lap. Charles’ arms wrapped around your frame, allowing you to replace your niece in his hold.

“Seems you’ve got a future as a driver coach too.”

Charles’ head shook, unable to hide his excitement, knowing that over the next few days whilst he was home he’d be out playing with your niece, showing her the ropes of the new car that he’d bought her.

“How does it feel to officially be an uncle?” You grinned, pressing a kiss against Charles’ cheek.

“It feels pretty special indeed.”

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

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sugarushwriting · 10 days ago

Text

cherry popper — jake

jake x reader

getting your cherry popped by the sweet, popular athletic boy. who is also your best friend

adult content featured, read at your own discretion

[sorry not proof read]

“jake i’m a virgin.”

“okay? good for you? am i supposed to go running?”

your eyes never looked away from jake sim. athletic, popular and smart. triple kill.

and he was your best friend.

studying. that’s all it was supposed to be. jake sim, your best friend, helping you with your college physics course. then it somehow turned into a human anatomy lesson. all because jake couldn’t leave his phone alone for 5 seconds and was sexting a girl during the study sessions.

“jake—yah! would you pay attention? i cannot fail this exam!” you scolded, slamming your pencil down on your notebook.

jake cleared his throat, awkwardly and embarrassingly putting down his cell phone, screen to the table. “sorry.” he apologized with a mumble.

“what’s so interesting about whoever you’re texting that you’d rather do that than help your bestie pass her physics exam?” you pouted, looking at jake with a frown and puppy dog eyes.

“oh well you see—,” jake began, but then his phone buzzed once before. he went to pick up the phone, but you snatched it before he could.

“wait, you—,” he didn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence of, “wait, you might not want to.”

you screeched, face screwing in disgust as you threw his phone to the couch. then, you whipped your head to jake in disbelief, huffing.

“i can’t believe you! you seriously are sexting another girl while helping me?”

“hey, i’m sorry okay? but she sent me—,”

you held up your hand to stop him. “don’t want to hear it jake.” you sighed. “can you stop being a horn dog for like, two hours? i know you have a high sex drive, but i was hoping soccer practice would’ve tired you out.”

you weren’t mad at his sex drive. heck, if he needed to fuck like his grades depended on it, then so be it. you weren’t the one to stop him. but it did annoy you he couldn’t just turn it off long enough to help you study.

“if you can’t focus, i’ll ask someone else to help.”

“like who? jay?” jake laughed, joking.

“heeseung.” you smirked, knowing heeseung was just as smart as jake. and although jake and heeseung were friends, those two also had a competitive streak against one another. especially when it came to academics and girls.

you also knew jake was protective over you. all the boys did, but his was extra. you knew he probably warned the guys that you were off limits.

jake scoffed. “absolutely not, he’ll help you pass with an a minus at max.”

“and you?” you asked crossing your arms.

jake smiled. “i can get you that a plus.”

“jake, you can’t make miracles happen. i just need a minimum b average.”

“you know i like to go above and beyond, baby.” he winked, causing you to laugh.

“let’s just get back to work, okay?”

“okay. only because my phone disappeared in the couch.” he pouted. “she’s not gonna be happy i left her dry.”

you waved it off. “pretty sure she has a box full of toys to help her out.”

“do you?” jake asked.

your head slowly turned to jake as you was writing down a problem. “do i what?” you looked at him confused.

“have a box full of toys?”

your eyes went wide. “oh, uh, let’s focus on the studying!” you rushed out and turned back to your text book, aggressively poking at jake’s book.

after that, during the study session, jake would steal glances at you, wondering if his best friend did have a box full of toys. or even at least one toy.

jake has known you since you were six. growing up next door to one another in australia, it was fun.

beach days, arcade days, walking to school and back home together. watching him freak out over bugs that you had to be the one to get rid of.

you told jake everything. well, almost everything. he was open and free about his sex life with you. however, you weren’t the same.

jake can’t recall you telling him about times you’ve been with a guy in a sexual way. let alone even kissed a guy.

an hour and a half passed, before you two went off topic once again. your brain was fried, and you couldn’t imagine looking at another problem.

“im done for the night, i cant.” you closed your book dramatically, leaning against your couch, head thrown back.

“have you kissed a guy yet?”

you lifted your head. “jake, where did that even come from?”

jake shrugged. “just thinking about how you know so much about my sex life, but i know nothing about yours. let alone if you’ve even kissed a guy.”

“i just don’t find the need to tell you.” you mumbled, picking invisible lint from your leg.

“but why? i thought we were best friends?”

“jake, we are. there’s just never anything to tell, okay?”

“okay so tell me,” jake began, turning his body to face yours, leaning his side against the couch, “have you kissed a boy?”

“of course jake.”

“who? where? when?”

“now you sound like me and my girl friends gossiping.”

“i can be that if that’s what makes you more comfortable.”

you chuckled. “it’s fine jake.” you got comfortable leaning on your side to face him. “my first kiss was in middle school when i went on holiday with my family. second kiss was in our upper years,”

“with who?” jake’s eyebrows raised.

you smacked your lips together, “uh, yang jeongin.”

jake gasped, then laughed. “he insisted he wasn’t even going to kiss a girl until he got married!”

“yeah well,” you shrugged.

“is that all?” jake asked.

you looked down, the floor suddenly looking fun. “well, no. there’s one more.”

“who is it? when? tell me!” jake begged, getting on his knees, grabbing your hands in his.

you sighed rolling your eyes. looking at jake you said, “it was heeseung, just two months ago. more of a make out than just a kiss.”

jake let go of your hands. not mad at you, but shocked and surprised. but he was mad at heeseung as he told his friends you were clearly off limits.

“why heeseung?”

“it was at that party you dragged me to, jake. i was bored, you left me to go hook up with a girl, so heeseung kept me company.”

jake stared at you, unblinking. “so what? i’m not around and he takes his chance to get in your pants?”

“jake it’s not like that! all we did was make out, okay? he didn’t want to go further, i didn’t want to go further. it was just for fun.”

“who else knew?”

“sunghoon and jungwon. but i begged them not to say anything.”

jake scoffed in disbelief. “do you promise that’s all you did?”

“yes jake. i don’t understand why it bothers you so much! i haven’t opened my legs like a slut for your friends, okay?”

“i don’t mean it like that—,”

you stood up, now angry for some reason. “it’s getting late. you should go. i’m tired and i am sure you are too from practice. thank you for helping me.”

you walked off to your bathroom, knowing jake can let himself out.

and that he did. he walked out, ready to confront his best friend, forgetting about his cellphone, until he got to his shared apartment with his 2 other roommates, sunghoon and jay.

“is heeseung coming over?” jake asked.

jay and sunghoon were playing video games in the living room. jay answered, “not that i’m aware of? he had a late practice then a study group right after.”

jake huffed. “sunghoon, i have a bone to pick with you!”

“what did i do?”

“you knew heeseung made out with my best friend and didn’t tell me?”

jay gasped like a teen girl. “no!”

sunghoon rolled his eyes, “it wasn’t my business to tell! honestly, it’s none of your business too. just because you’re open about your sex life about other girls to her doesn’t mean she has to be the same way.”

“bullshit! it is my business.”

“you’re her best friend, not her boyfriend. she can be around any other guy without you butting in.” sunghoon stated. “even if that means it’s heeseung.”

jake kept quiet, and just stormed off to his room in a mood. as he laid on his bed, that’s when he realized he left his phone at your place.

he slapped his hands over his face and groaned.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

the next day, you took jake his phone to his apartment. sunghoon answered the door as he was on his way to the ice rink.

you tried to hand it over to sunghoon but he shook his head. “you give it to him. i’m in a rush, and i am sure jake has some apologies to give.” sunghoon patted your shoulder before leaving you in the door way.

you took off your shoes, making your way to jake’s room. you knocked twice, and heard a faint ‘come in.’

jake didn’t even attempt to look up from his bed. “sunghoon if you’re here to just scold me before you leave for the day don’t bother. jay already scolded me about my actions.” then he went on to say that he knew he owed you an apology.

“can you say that a bit louder, i didn’t have my phone recording?” you chuckled.

jake sat up quickly from bed. since he was laying on his stomach, he sat up on all fours in doggy style looking at you like a kid who just woke up for christmas.

“you’re here?”

“well first, you left your phone at my apartment. but now i believe there’s an apology to be owed to me?”

jake nodded, getting off his bed, to walk to you as you stood in his door. he apologized for getting upset about you kissing heeseung.

“whoever you have sex with is none of my business, okay?”

“jake, i—,”

jake didn’t let you finish as he pulled you into a tight hug. “i’m sorry. you can slut yourself out to whomever.”

you laughed, hugging jake back, patting his back. when the hug ended, you handed jake his phone. “i wonder how mad she is.”

jake’s phone battery was at 0%. “well, i guess we’ll find out after it charges.” he laughed.

you and jake decided to watch a movie, in the meantime ‘sidelined: the qb and me.’

“ugh, so cheesy and cliche.”

you elbowed jake. “i like cheesy and cliche!”

he pinched your cheek. “of course you do.”

you stretched when the movie ended. “i could use a nap. all i dreamt about was physics.” you shuddered.

“nap it is!” jake said and grabbed you to throw you over his shoulder, walking you to his room.

he threw you on his bed, climbing in next to you.

that’s when you said, “jake, i’m a virgin.”

“okay? good for you? am i supposed to go running?” jake laughed. “how does that affect me?”

“well, i was only telling you because of earlier.”

“oh.” jake realized. “my bad. but still, it’s none of my business who you have sex with, unless it’s me.”

you nearly choked on air. “and just why would i have sex with you?”

“best friends have sex all the time.” jake said.

you both were laying on your backs, looking up at the ceiling during this conversation.

“jake not best friends. maybe friends with benefits.”

“and we can’t be both?”

you sat up, looking down at your friend with confusion written across your face.

“jake? where is this coming from?”

“baby, if you think i never thought about having sex with you not once since we were teens, you are mistaken.”

“jake��,”

“why else would i run off my friends and other guys?”

“then why else would you have sex with other girls if you so called wanted me in bed?”

jake shrugged. “my dick could only take so much of my hand, babe.”

you groaned, “jake!” and fell back on his bed. this time, he sat up. he rolled to his side, palm on your thigh.

shivers went up and throughout your body.

truth be told, you may have thought about sex with jake once or twice. it didn’t really bother your head until you heard a girl in your class stating he once made her come so hard she passed out.

you wanted to know what that felt like. or if it was even possible.

“i heard it’s painful.” you sighed truthfully, turning your head to look into jake’s eyes. as usual, he had on his puppy dog look, thick lips pouting.

“for some babe, yes it is.” jake said, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. his thumb then glided softly from your cheek to your bottom lip.

“how badly?” you asked in a whisper, the tension between you two thickening.

“it just depends on the girl, and if she’s having sex with the right partner.” jake replied softly, his eyes flicking between your own and your lips. “for me, making sure my girl is comfortable and relaxed. making sure i touch her in the right places.”

all while talking, jake’s fingertips ghosted along your thigh, hips, sides, up the side of your breasts. your skin cluttered with goosebumps, your breathing fastening, both you and jake breathing heavily, just inches away from each other.

with one last flick from your eyes to your lips, jake slowly leaned in for a kiss, capturing your lips in his.

and more than you could imagine, his lips were so soft and thick. and he didn’t straightly use his tongue. the kiss was so slow and sensual, building up the tension between both of you.

jake carefully hovered over you, so you were flat on your back, your hands raising to wrap around his neck. jake’s right hand went to push down your pants and underwear as far as he could.

you giggled removing your lips. “moving quite fast there, huh?”

jake smiled, “can’t help it baby, been waiting too damn long to be inside you.”

jake kissed your lips once more, before scooting down, taking off your bottoms completely, not even bothering to warn you.

his tongue met your core, and you immediately let out a loud gasp, at the unknown feeling. “oh,” you whispered out.

it didn’t feel bad, but it felt weird. foreign.

“don’t worry baby, it’ll feel good. give me a second.” jake said, and went back to your core, using his tongue, lips, teeth, and soon his finger.

“oh!” you squealed with a gasp, then moaned. your lower half began squirming, causing jake to hold you down by your hips with his left hand.

with him holding you down, the intensity amplified, and your hand went to his soft hair. jake added a second finger, your leg resting over his shoulder.

“too much, jake.” you sighed out.

“gotta stretch you out. im pretty thick, honey.”

“that doesn’t help, jake!” you groaned, in-between fussing at him and how good he was making you feel.

“to be fair, i asked if you had any toys.” jake chuckled, fingers still buried in you. only he was sitting up, eyes looking into yours intensely.

“i thought you were joking around.” you moaned as he worked his beautiful, lengthy fingers inside of you. you could almost imagine how his veins looked on his hands.

“you still haven’t answered my question, honey.” jake said, his fingers stilling inside of you—deep and angled.

“fuck!” you moaned, annoyed he stopped. “yes jake, i have one fucking toy! now keep it moving, please.” you begged, and jake chuckled.

“anything for my bestie.”

jake worked his fingers inside of you, adding a third for a while, getting you used to the sensation. weirdly, not once did it not feel good.

jake could feel you getting wetter and wetter and knew it was perfect timing. he quickly undressed himself, then finished undressing you.

“want me to wear a condom?” jake asked and you nodded. jake grabbed a condom from his bedside table, and put it on with quick ease.

you closed your eyes in anticipation of it hurting. jake noticed, and grabbed your chin in his hand.

“look at me honey.” he said softly and you opened your eyes slowly.

he leaned down, so your noses touched, his tip waiting to enter you. he kissed your forehead once.

“don’t wait for the pain, it’ll hurt more. try to relax for me, okay? eyes on me.”

jake kept his hand on your chin, your eyes looking into his. foreheads touching, jake eased in you slowly, you biting your lower lip trying to not scrunch your face.

“it’s okay, you’re doing so well for me baby.” jake cooed, kissing your lips. “doing so well for your jakey.”

you let out a deep breath, your hands resting around his neck and shoulders, your legs open as he laid in between them, buried. your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders.

jake soon finished pushing himself all the way in, causing a low moan of pain to push past your lips. your eyes snapped shut.

“jake, i can’t.” you cried.

“hey, look at me.” jake ordered and you did once more. “eyes on me, okay? you’re okay, i have you. it’s gonna hurt for a bit, but i’ll take care of you.”

“jake but—,”

“do you trust me?” jake asked, caressing your cheek and you nodded.

jake attached his lips to yours, one hand playing with your breast and nipples, as he slowly, inch by inch pushed in and out of you.

the sensation of him playing with your boobs and nipples distracted from his dick rocking in and out of you.

soon you hadn’t even noticed jake was able to pull out to the tip and push back in, your wetness leaking between the two of you.

“my baby just needed some kisses and sweet talk.” jake mumbled against your lips.

jake’s head rested against your neck, and his thrusts became faster and deeper if possible. but it felt good.

jake became a moaning mess, his moans and low growls seeming to turn you on more. he just started throwing praises your way, rolling easily off his tongue.

“good girl. so good for your best friend, huh? always wanted to have your best friend fuck you? not as innocent as i thought.”

jake’s next position had him on his knees, you flat on your back, your legs and thighs resting against the front of his body.

with how powerful his thrusts became, you were so glad no one was here because the sounds of skin slapping was so loud.

your hands reached to grip anything and everything it could. pillows, sheets, jake. jake had a tight hold on your hips as he began to pound into you, literally.

“jake!” you squealed, and felt your stomach tightening. “jake!”

“that’s it baby, say my name, over,” thrust, “and over,” thrust, “and over until your voice goes out.” thrust.

you let out a loud—scream? moan? growl?

your body began shaking afterwards, jake bullying himself back into you after your cunt just kept pushing him out.

soon, jake went still inside of you, a loud moan coming out of his own lips, his grip on your sides tightened.

it felt so hot in his room, both sweaty from the sex. tension was still high, and you knew no way things could go back to the way it was prior to this.

jake removed his dick from you, still hard and wanting a second round. but he knew you had to get some rest before even thinking about another round.

he looked down on the condom, noting no blood, and removed it before throwing it to the trash next to the bed.

“at least you used the trash for something.” you joked. jake laughed knowing you always got after him for his lack of cleanliness.

your heart began thumping hard at the thought of what happens after this. meanwhile jake’s heart was thumping because his body was ready for round 2.

before either of you could say anything, a knock came to your door.

“yo, horn dogs! jay brought us food!” heeseung yelled then laughed.

ah shit.

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