#and she validated me too and was like you're doing really well considering your circumstances. and there's nothing wrong with you-

[thatskindasapphic]

My fucking neurologist confirmed that I'm autistic holy shit I can't believe someone listened to me for once I love her so much

[redroomreflections]

Gentle Hands Chapter Six

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha suspects Reader is in an abusive relationship and tries to convince her to leave

6/10

W/c: 3.5k

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Warning: Domestic violence

"Y/N,” Dr. Lisa gives you a look of concern as she passes you the stack of multicolored pamphlets.”You have several options to consider at this stage of your pregnancy, which is around eight weeks LMP. Firstly, you can continue with the pregnancy and explore prenatal care options. This involves regular check-ups and taking care of your health for the well-being of you and the developing fetus.”

She notices the look on your face, only pausing for a millisecond before she continues her spiel. It’s all the same. You’ve heard it before.

“Alternatively, if you're unsure about continuing the pregnancy, there is the option of discussing and considering abortion. Abortion procedures are available, and we can provide you with information on the different methods, their implications, and any potential risks.

It's important to take the time to think about what feels right for you. If you have any questions or concerns about either option, please feel free to ask. Your well-being is our priority, and we're here to support you through this process. Have you thought about any of this?"

Your heart is pounding in your chest, drowning out everything she’s said thus far. Clutching the pamphlets, you feel tears welling up. You just want to go home, lie down, and forget about everything. Making decisions is exhausting, especially when there are too many options and paths to choose from.

In moments like this, when you're supposed to be the responsible adult, you feel alone. The tiny life inside you, almost eight weeks old, is the size of a raspberry. Trying not to think too much about the pamphlet's pictures, you worry about making the wrong choice and question if you're even fit to decide. It feels like someone left you in charge, and you need to figure out if you're up to the task.

“Y/n,” Dr. Lisa’s voice is more pressing now.

“Y-yeah,” You shake your head. You furrow your brows, trying to clear your mind of the fogginess as you think for a second. Your mouth suddenly feels cotton-filled. Your tongue feels thick. This is all too much. “I’ve thought about it but-”

“It doesn’t have to be a decision made today,” Dr. Lisa informs you. She gives you another once over, noting the fading bruises on your face. She must be judging you. She must think you are some basket case. Another young girl with no clue what to do. Another young girl who is only good at opening her legs. “Y/n, if you are in danger…”

“No, I’m not,” You say with such conviction her mouth closes with a snap. “I’m not in danger. I’m fine. Things are fine.” You’re not sure who you’re trying to convince at this point. “I’m not really in the position to take care of another baby. My baby. My daughter. She’s not even two years old yet. I know what you must think. That I’m stupid or something but this isn’t how life is supposed to be for me.”

Dr. Lisa listens attentively as you express your conviction. With a calm and understanding demeanor, she responds, "I hear you, and your feelings are completely valid. It's important for you to express your concerns and fears. Pregnancy and parenting bring about significant changes, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's crucial for us to work together to find the best solution for you and your situation."

She maintains a supportive tone, "There's no judgment here, and it's not about thinking you're stupid. Life can be unpredictable, and everyone faces challenges. What matters most is your well-being and making decisions that align with your circumstances. Let's discuss your options further and explore how we can navigate this together. Your feelings and thoughts are important, and we'll work towards a solution that feels right for you."

“I left my boyfriend,” You almost whisper. “He wasn’t the best. It took me too many years to figure that out. He was controlling and abusive. We weren’t careful. That’s how we got Kaia. I don’t regret her. I don’t regret having her. She’s the best thing in my life. Another baby? Right now when I don’t know up from down? It feels irresponsible. It feels overwhelming. It wouldn’t be fair to Kaia for her to finally receive all of me and eventually give it to another child too. You know? My head is so messed up I don’t know what to think but the other option…”

Dr. Lisa listens compassionately as you open up about leaving Keith and the challenges you've faced. In a supportive and understanding tone, she responds, "I appreciate you sharing that with me. It takes a lot of strength to recognize and leave a situation that isn't healthy. Your concerns about another baby are completely valid, especially considering everything you've been through."

She continues, "It's important to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of Kaia. Your feelings of responsibility and the overwhelming nature of the situation are completely understandable. Let's explore your options together. Whether you choose to continue with the pregnancy or consider other alternatives, we'll work through it step by step. Your emotional and mental health is our priority, and I'm here to support you in making decisions that align with your needs and circumstances."

She’s supposed to say that. You don’t think she truly cares. It’s kind of mean of you to think when she’s showing you that she’s genuine. You go over the options again, her voice fills you with a bit more clarity as you go over your options. Why isn’t this any easier?

******************** Kaia toddles across the waiting area floor, with Natasha closely trailing behind. As soon as the little one spots you, drool and all, she dashes toward you on wobbly legs. You bend down, lifting her into your arms for a warm hug, finding comfort in that familiar baby scent.

"Everything okay?" Natasha inquires. Her hands are tucked in her pockets, and her non-threatening expression exudes a calming presence. It's needed, and despite the past few weeks, you can't help but wonder why she came, why she chose to rescue you. What does it all mean?

"It's fine," You nod. Natasha studies your face, observing as you bury your nose in Kaia's soft baby skin. The little one giggles, clutching your jacket for stability as you start walking.

Natasha follows without pressing for answers, patiently waiting for you to share. "I'm not ready to go back to the tower yet," you admit as you buckle Kaia into her stroller seat, met with minimal protests.

"We can walk," Natasha suggests, pulling her cap a bit lower over her head. And so you do. Side by side, you walk the streets of Manhattan.

You struggle with your words, opening and closing your mouth in the hope that the right ones will surface. The potential scenarios play out in your mind – a single mom of two, financially strained, grappling with decisions that were, until recently, out of your reach, like what to have for dinner (it was always Keith’s choices) or how to manage your finances. Even what to wear. Today, it's a simple NYC t-shirt and soft black leggings – you might look disheveled, but that's exactly how you feel.

"I have pictures," you mention, tapping the breast of your jacket to indicate the inside pocket. "Ultrasound. They had to do it for records and stuff," you explain, sensing Natasha's patient waiting for you to share more. "I haven't looked at them," you admit. "I'm scared. I know what the right decision is, the logical thing to do. If I put my feelings aside, I know that keeping this baby is the last thing I should do."

"And yet," Natasha encourages.

"And yet, I couldn't bring myself to schedule the procedure," You sigh, shifting your gaze down to Kaia, who's holding onto the handle, watching the passersby. “What would you do?” You stop in the middle of the sidewalk, much to the annoyance of the people walking behind you. “If you were me. If you were here in this situation what would you do?”

“I don’t think that would be helpful,” Natasha shakes her head. She shifts her eyes away. “I cannot have children—courtesy of the Red Room. My perspective and my life choices are different. I don’t think I’m the best at these things.”

“Right,” You nod. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Natasha says. “Don’t let any of that affect your decision.”

“Okay,” You speak so softly. You tap your fingers against the stroller. Thinking. “I understand Natasha,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. You take a moment, staring down at Kaia, who smiles at you back, your thoughts swirling. Finally, you look back up at Natasha."I appreciate your honesty, and I don't expect you to have all the answers. I just... I need to figure out what's best for my daughter and this new life growing inside me," you confess.

Natasha places a comforting hand on your back, her eyes reflecting a genuine concern. "Whatever you decide, know that you're not alone. You have people who care about you, and we'll support you through this. Take your time, and when you're ready, we can work through the next steps together."

You take a deep breath, feeling the need for comfort and a familiar place. "Natasha, I think I need to head home," you admit, a slight vulnerability in your voice. "Well back to the tower. I just want to be with Kaia right now, maybe have a little cuddle session, and perhaps watch a movie together." You suggest.

Natasha nods understandingly. "That sounds like a good plan," she replies. "Take all the time you need.”

******************* An hour later, you reach the Avengers Tower, skillfully dodging paparazzi and the press. In the elevator, heading up to the 54th floor where the Avengers' lounge awaits. Kaia, tired and on the verge of naptime, babbles in her seat, tugging at her hair soothingly as she tries to stay awake.

You stand incredibly close to Natasha, relishing in the warmth of her body heat as you watch the light ding as you pass each level. You step out before Natasha, pushing the stroller deeper onto the floor.

Natasha breaks the silence, "So, do you want to watch TV here? Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine," You decline, unconsciously resting a hand on your belly. "We can sit here."

Unstrapping Kaia, you lift her into your arms. She settles for a moment, her attention caught by Wanda on the couch. However, your steps come to a sudden halt as you realize Wanda isn't alone. Your parents are there, in the flesh, and you pause in surprise.

"Mom?" Your breath catches in your throat as you lay eyes on your parents for the first time in years. Your mother stands first, cautiously approaching you. "W-what are you guys doing here?"

"Hi, baby," she greets you softly. Concern etches her features as she gives you a once-over, her gaze lingering on your face and then on the toddler in your arms.

"Hi!" Kaia grins widely at the new visitor. It's then you remember Kaia's never met your parents; they only know her through infrequent photos you've sent. The last one was sent longer ago than you can remember.

"Mama," you swallow thickly. "This is Kaia. This is my daughter." Tears spring to your eyes as your voice breaks, overcome with emotion. You have so many questions. How are they here? Why are they here?

Kaia, not shy in the least, warmly reaches for your mother, her eyes lighting up.

"Well, hello there, sweetheart," She coos, making silly faces that prompt giggles from Kaia. In that moment, you feel a sudden emptiness, the vulnerability of the past months replaced by the embrace of family.

Your dad joins in, closing the gap between you to hug and kiss you. The world feels a bit woozy as you grapple with the unexpected reunion. There's a myriad of questions swirling in your mind, and you can't help but wonder why they are here.

Wanda, sensing the need for family time, excuses herself with a kind smile, leaving you alone with your parents. You almost ask her to stay but hesitate. Instead, you decide to address the pressing questions with your family.

As Natasha starts to leave, you catch her attention. "Nat, could you stay a bit?" you ask.

Natasha nods understandingly and settles into the seat beside you.

“This is-” You begin.

“The Black Widow,” Your dad introduces himself. “I’m Mac. This is my wife Regina.” He waves between the two of you.

“Nice to meet you both,” Natasha shakes their hands.

“I know you’re wondering why we’re here,” Mac begins. He glances at your mom before looking back at you. “Keith called us very concerned about you running away from home. Says you took Kaia in the middle of the night and refused to come back.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, a mix of shock and confusion written across your face. "Wait, what? Keith called you?" You glance at Kaia, who's blissfully unaware, still playing in her grandmother's arms.

Taking a moment to process, you continue "I didn't run away. I left because... things were just unbearable. I couldn't stay there any longer. It wasn't safe for Kaia or me. I needed to protect her."

Your voice quivers with frustration and desperation, seeking understanding from your parents who have suddenly reappeared in your life. "I didn't know he'd call you. I didn't want you involved in all this mess." Your gaze shifts between your mom and dad, hoping they can see the weight of your situation and the reasons behind it.

Regina emits a thoughtful hum, her expression betraying disapproval. "I've never liked Keith," she admits with a furrowed brow, her protective instincts kicking in. "Did he do that to your face?" she asks, eyeing the marks with a growing sense of anger.

Feeling a pang of shame, you nod quietly, lowering your head. The weight of the acknowledgment hangs in the air as you brace yourself for your mom's reaction.

“Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you come home sooner?"

You look up, meeting your mom's gaze. "To be quite honest I didn't think it was that bad.”

Regina’s eyes widen in disbelief, disbelief etched on her face. "Not that bad? Sweetheart, these marks on your face... it's not okay. You shouldn't have to endure this."

Natasha, who has been quietly observing, steps in. "Sometimes, people in such situations underestimate the severity of the abuse they're facing. It's not uncommon for victims to downplay the harm they're enduring, especially when it's someone they trusted."

Still grappling with the shock, Regina turns her attention to Natasha. "And who are you in all of this?" she inquires, a touch of skepticism in her tone.

Natasha introduces herself, "I’m a friend of y/n. I've been supporting her through this difficult time."

You nod, adding, "Natasha's right. It's hard to see the full extent when you're in it. But now that I'm out, I realize how bad it was. I couldn't let Kaia grow up in that environment."

Regina’s expression softens. "Oh, sweetheart. I wish you had reached out sooner. We're here for you now.”

“Thanks,” You nod. “How long are you in town for?”

“Not long,” Mac responds. “We came to check on you and see if you’re ready to come home. Your room is still there for you. Of course with the little one it might be a tight fit but we’ll work something out.”

Your confusion lingers as you process your dad’s words. "Come home?" you repeat, a hint of uncertainty in your voice. The idea of returning to the familiar comfort of your childhood home stirs conflicting emotions within you.

You glance at Kaia, who is happily sitting with her grandmother, adding a layer of complexity to the decision. The thought of your parents falling back into their roles, and taking charge of decisions, is both tempting and nerve-wracking. It would undoubtedly be easier, but you aren’t sure if it aligns with the newfound independence and resilience you’ve discovered.

"I appreciate the offer, Mom. It's just... I hadn't planned on coming back home," you admit, your gaze shifting between your parents. "It's not that I don't value your support, but I need to figure things out on my own, for Kaia and myself. I hope you understand." your nervousness seeps into your words, unsure of how they will react.

“I can’t say that we do but,” Your mother sighs. “We will be here at the Hilton.” She nods. “For now I want to catch up with my baby and my grandbaby. You have time to make a decision.”

“Right,” You nod. “Excuse me for a second.” You stand from the room, knowing Kaia is safe with your parents, as you rush to the kitchen. The air feels thicker than before, and the need for some clarity becomes almost overwhelming.

Unbeknownst to you, Natasha quietly follows behind her presence a comforting anchor. You feel a hand on your back, a gentle touch offering both support and understanding. The unexpected contact prompts you to voice the swirling thoughts in your mind.

"Why do I have to make everything so hard?" You sigh, the words escaping in a mixture of frustration and self-reflection. The kitchen becomes a temporary sanctuary, and as you take a deep breath, Natasha's voice offers a reassuring response.

"It's not about making things hard, you’re entitled to your feelings," Natasha says calmly. "You're navigating a difficult situation, and it's okay to feel torn.”

“My parents are here,” You rest your head atop your arms on the counter. “Keith called them because he thought they would be on his side.”

Natasha's expression tightens in thought. Probably not good ones.

"I see," she responds. "It's unfortunate that Keith took that route. But remember, you have the right to make decisions for yourself and Kaia, regardless of how others may perceive it. Your well-being is the priority here."

“You’re always so understanding,” You raise your head to look at her. “I don’t know if I can say thank you enough.”

“It’s no problem,” Natasha takes a breath. “We all need someone right.” She shrugs.

“Right,” You nod. You have more decisions to make. Lucky you.

---> next part

[doberbutts]

Do you or your friends see a difference in household or play behaviors in a dog after mondior or IGP kind of training? My breeder is concerned that once you flip the biting switch you can't really take it back, but obviously there's a whole lot of wonderful protection sport dogs out there who aren't biting random people. I figured I'd ask someone who has had dogs both bitework trained and not bitework trained for comparison. Personally I think it is a beautiful sport and the dogs seem to love it the way I love, say, stage combat or LARP.

Hope you and the beasties are having a good day

Well. No, in the way you're probably thinking. But also yes.

Truthfully I have only taken 2 dogs through any amount of protection sport and both I would still be considered very green in. Fenris is no where near trial ready, after all, partially because I'm deliberately taking it slow and partially because I am very poor and unwilling to throw a large amount of money at seminars or training that I feel may be subpar for what we need- I would rather pay these amounts for training that I can verify is the quality he deserves than chance it on someone fucking up what we've built thus far.

It is my belief that your breeder's concern is valid, and it is something that I warn people about myself especially when dealing with off breeds or with dogs of temperaments not well suited to the work. You are, regardless of what anyone tells you, teaching your dog that biting humans is a perfectly acceptable and even expected behavior depending on the circumstance and behavior pattern. Do understand that this means your dog will see similar contexts and at some point have to make a judgement call. Not every dog makes the right judgement call for the situation.

I'm thinking of a friend whose husband was dying of cancer, and he fell in their house, and as she rushed to help him the dog tried to attack her to protect his owner. This is an extreme case of "worst case scenario"- but ask yourself if that is a scenario you can handle with the levelheadedness she did in order to prevent anyone from being bit. This particular case was a matter of both genetics and training, however the dog in question was not an off breed and in fact was bred with protection in mind.

I'm thinking of a different friend who had border collies show up at club. One day the owner of the border collies was walking through an aisle at a pet store with their dogs, and a man in a puffy winter coat approached to ask them a question. One of the border collies latched onto the man's bicep exactly like how it was trained to, and the other performed a near perfect bark and hold. This person voiced regret of ever having opened that door, and now they have two dogs with recorded bite histories. It is my personal opinion that this is a case of two dogs with temperaments poorly suited to the work more than anything else, however that does not change the undesired outcome.

That being said, I can pet most of the dogs at club without any real concern, though I still keep my hands to myself unless the owners actively tell me to pet and play with their dogs. The few I can't also aren't off breeds, for what it's worth, but in fact are malinois which the sport was more or less designed around. I also don't think the training caused the inability for these specific dogs to socialize with trainers- I think that is a genetic temperament question, and all the training did was give them an outlet for their inherent aggression.

Fenris is a hideously social and friendly doberman. He is best friends with every human at the club and frequently licks the decoys right in the face as he wiggles and jumps on them before they agitate him. He just spent two hours hanging out at the car repair shop yesterday while I was getting my new tires put on. Anyone who stopped to pet him got wiggles and licks and puppy behavior. Anyone who didn't was ignored. While he is a mite too friendly to me, I have not seen any real change to this friendliness or his willingness to accept friendly and neutral strangers despite the decoys telling me that he is really becoming quite a monster in training.

He's also very suspicious, and fairly possessive. I have seen that increase, however at his age it's sort of difficult to determine if that was always going to increase or if the training had anything to do with that. Personally I think it is a mix of both- he was a suspicious and possessive little asshole from the start and now he is learning that there is a time and place for that to really come out of him, so he is more inclined to showing this behavior as he ages through his teenage phase and matures in his training.

For example: we started defense of handler last month, an exercise where the dog heels closely beside the owner and turns its body to watch the decoy waiting for an aggressive move towards the owner. Fenris now watches closely when we are approached by strangers at night while on walks, not acting but simply waiting to see what they might do. This behavior may have come out of him anyway, because even when he was a young puppy he would occasionally give the stink eye to anyone who rushed us (usually panhandlers asking for money in parking lots, but also the occasional person looking for trouble and an easy mark). He barked at a homeless guy who lunged at us on the sidewalk* when we walked past 6 months ago- well before defense of handler. He may have always been inclined to be wary of fast, jerky movements towards us.

That is what a doberman is for. They were never meant to accept suspicious or potentially aggressive strangers, and these sorts of situations are exactly what many dogs would consider suspicious and aggressive behavior. Homeless Guy I think was just high or having some mental episode and not actively dangerous to passersby, but lunging at someone from the shadows is a really stupid way to get bit (if they have a dog) or punched/shot/stabbed (if they don't but think they need to defend themselves). The panhandlers that literally run up to us from across the parking lot- same thing, if someone spots you at a distance and starts running towards you with intent, many times this is going to get read as aggressive behavior. Again, not actually harmful, they're just begging for money. However, how is my dog supposed to know that when the behavior says "I am going to hurt you" to a dog?

For example: we started object guard, where he stands over an object and stops the decoy from snatching it out from under him by biting. Coincidentally, he's also started low rumbling at the other dogs when they're near stuff he likes, and he lays directly on top of these objects and hides them under his legs/body. While I do think the training definitely intensified this behavior, he's always been a bit punky with his stuff and not been keen on sharing. I manage it so we don't have a dog fight, and I have a bunch of dogs that are allergic to conflict anyway so it's a pretty easy situation to work with. All four of my dobermans including the one that had never been in any bitework scenario ever have been somewhat guardy when it comes to high value resources (in fact the only one that never did any bitework also is the only one that started a dog fight over a guarded object (ME, I was the guarded object)), so it is also very possible that this would have developed in him regardless of training.

Funny enough, however, I will also say that Fenris specifically has become exponentially more velcro and cuddly immediately after every protection session. It does something magnificent to the bond between us, and his affection is through the roof when we get back to our bedroom after a long day on the club field.

Creed, my other dog who I took through this type of training, I felt was actually more confident afterwards. He had a lot of reactivity as a teenager and getting him to a club more often seemed to have a significant amount of positive impact on this behavior. I have seen other dogs experience the same. Probably something similar to how my nephew had a lot of PTSD and anxiety immediately after a horrific domestic abuse situation he and his mom had to flee from, and the thing that helped him resolve that was getting him started in martial arts classes. If nothing else, you learn to trust that you can handle it if a situation that makes you feel powerless comes for you a second time, I suppose. I'd be interested to know if that's connected to some behaviors I see from dudes who are obsessed with weapons and fighting, but that's another post in and of itself.

However I was fairly reluctant to move forward with this training with Phoebe, my soft scared girlie, because she had a panic response of "pick a direction and run very fast don't look back" and I was nervous that taking her to protection training would bleed into her panic attacks and instead of running she would hit the end of the leash, realize the flight was not an option, and start biting. And I was not particularly interested in chancing that, because regardless of how scared she was she would choose flight and freeze over fight every time and this made he very safe to be around. My first doberman was a very anxious rescue who was taught that biting is an option when running isn't working, and I ended up having to behaviorally euthanize him because his previous home fucked him up so bad. I want to be clear that this was a result of bad training and worse temperament, but knowing Phoebe's temperament I was unsure if I wanted to chance it with her.

I never did take her to club before her weird GI/liver thing that ultimately killed her, but she ended up loving tug and her confidence did soar once she learned the game. And it did bleed into other areas as well- she was much happier and more confident when out in public even though we only played tug in my living room. If her health hadn't crashed like that, I would have been taking her to mondio with Fenris the first week I had him to see if she liked it and if there was anything in here to play with.

So. A long winded answer to say that yes I have seen the training change behaviors off the field, but probably not in the way you're expecting to hear.

[misc-obeyme]

am I the only one who doesn't feel represented when it comes creating female lead in general?? i see rare unique and different female mc or characters compared to the typical female lead of interactive choice-based games.

my mc or me personality is more challenging and rebellious, she has that macho attitude and knows how to push someone's buttons. She is muscular and aggressive with a "what's up bro" and "nah fuck that fuck society" vibe, unlike the soft, pale as snow with "cute elegant clothing, long lustrous hair, slender physique and a quiet pleasant personality" typical female lead. there is nothing wrong with cute gals, they cool, they cool, but they're other gals then the submissive ones.

i do enjoy the game, let's be honest, who can survive simeons charm?? but i don't actually feel myself when i play as mc if you get what i mean. this wasn't only for tomboys tho it was for female mc in general who don't find themselves in mc, not getting represented. i gave my example and my struggling.

I think this is an issue for a lot of otome style games. I find that I don't like playing ones that have an actual image for MC. If they don't use the pronouns too much, I can usually gloss over that stuff, but the MCs are so very different from how I identify as a person that I can't self insert at all. (Not that I would if I could, to be fair.)

In fact, I feel like Obey Me is the only game in this genre that hasn't been as bad. (Well, Arcana was pretty good with this too since they let you choose your pronouns but I haven't played it in a while lol.)

MC is gender neutral by default, so they have that at least, which is more than I can say for most otome games. However, the personality problem still exists in OM and really I'd say it's just as bad as most of the others. Generic OM MC has some funny and unhinged lines, but most of the time everybody talks about how nice and sweet they are. I mean, we all joke about them being the demon therapist, but that's really how it is.

On the one hand, it's kind of annoying because you're right. Different types of MCs just don't exist really. And since the default is often female, it's like the one personality they think anyone female can have.

On the other hand, they're going to have to do this at a certain level. They can't give MC too much of a personality. In the end, they're still going for a target audience and I guess they think most female players are going to want to be portrayed as nice and sweet MCs?

All that rambling aside, your feelings are completely valid. To be honest with you, I don't see this changing in otome style games any time soon. So the best we can do is imagine the story differently for ourselves!

So many times I've been given a set of dialogue options for MC and been like... okay neither Ciaran or I would say any of those things. Here is what Ciaran would say if they were experiencing this moment! Then I choose the dialogue that's closest. Or if it's main story, I choose the ones that I think will raise intimacy lol.

Anyway, I don't think you're the only one. I think this is a pretty common feeling. And maybe one day someone will make an otome or dating sim game where the MC has a more rebellious attitude or is female but muscular. It says a lot about how women are perceived when the "generic" female lead is considered to be a nice and meek type of person. It's an unfortunate circumstance of society.

[hard--headed--woman]

Many people love to get angry in my replies and seem to be unable to have a normal and calm debate, in addition to not getting what the point of my post was, so let me just explain what I meant again.

Don't put words in my mouth, to begin with. I never said that anyone could be a lesbian or that former men's lover could be lesbians, or anything like that.

Then, your description of rape by coercion is exactly what I meant. I absolutely never described rape by coercion as "have sex with me or your friends will call you a dyke". Nor did I say that a lesbian could "consider being with a man". I said that lesbians could be coerced into sex, and that they were still lesbians, because some people love to forget that coercion isn’t consent, and call lesbians who've been raped by coercion bisexual. You of course imagine that if I said that, it's because I have seen someone implying that lesbians could never be raped by coercion.

Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough in my post, because I keep assuming that only my mutuals who know my opinions very well will see what I write, but I absolutely aren't one of these people who believe every non goldstar lebsian actually is a lesbian. Many non goldstar lesbians are not lesbians. I'd even say that most non goldstar lesbians aren't lesbians. I actually have never met another lesbian in real life, for all the "lesbians" I know and ever knew, including my ex, are just bisexual women larping as lesbians.

These "late bloomer" or I don't know how you lot call them in english are bisexual, these women who've been married to a man for 40 years (and who of course weren't forced to marry him) before coming out aren't lesbians, these women who dated god knows how many men before "realizing" they were lesbians aren't lesbians. I wasn't defending them. And when I talked about lesbophobia leading lesbians to date men, I wasn't talking about bisexual women dating men because they are afraid people will call them gay. What the fuck. I have never said that.

What I meant is that I am not in every woman's head and that I don't wanna draw conclusions too quickly. We do not experience things the same way, we all have different backrounds and personalities, right ? Well, how can I know that internalized homophobia and a homophobic backround absolutely never lead any woman to hate herself so much that she tried to "cure" herself ? Or to lock herself in so much denial that she tried to date a man because surely she wasn't really a lesbian and she would eventually like him ?

I do not say that only goldstar lesbians are real lesbians because I do not close my mind to the possibility of a lesbian not being a goldstar for real and valid reasons. You're not going to hear me defend bisexual women calling themselves lesbians because they find sex with men boring (my ex for example) or anything like that. I just wanted to add some nuance to the goldstar debate.

Anyway, you gyns are attacking the wrong person. Maybe it's my fault and I didn't phrase my post well, but clearly, I am not a fake lesbian defender. I just think there's a difference between saying that goldstar lesbians generally are the only real lesbians/that non goldstar lesbians very often aren't lesbians and saying "NO non goldstar "lesbian" will NEVER be a lesbian, under NO circumstances, it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE".

i have goldstar in my bio because i am tired of everyone making fun of that word and of lesbians who use it as if it was a crime not to have had sex with a man, but at the end of the day i do not believe that only goldstar lesbians are real lesbians and i never will. you people need to start wondering why you believe that straight and bi women can be coerced into sex/relationships by men even though they aren't attracted to them/don't want to be with them and have sex with them but don't believe that it can happen to lesbians too. we're not immune to male violence or sexual assault, we're not immune to rape by coercion, we're not immune to abuse - especially given the homophobic society we live in that will do everything to push us in men's arms. you people have to wonder why you understand that prostitutes do not consent to the sex they're having with sex buyers and do not enjoy it (even when they pretended to at the time) but don't understand that a lesbian who has been with a man did not consent to the sex she's had (or did so because of homophobia which isn’t real consent) and did not enjoy it (even when they pretended to at the time). you people have to wonder why you understand that homophobia, internalized homophobia and a homophobic society can lead people to be dysphoric, to identify as someone of the opposite sex, to go through life changing surgeries and hormones and so on, but don't understand that homophobia can lead lesbians to try to be with men. i could go on forever because there are many examples, but i think my point is clear. you people have to wonder why you do not treat lesbians the way you treat other women.

[finniestoncrane]

The riddlers reacting after reader told them she is pregnant?

Pregnant!Reader

Riddler Headcanons at least a few of them would have the same terrified reaction as me so that's a plus lmao request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: pregnancy, adoption, child slandering lmao, abortions, this is a pro-choice place i don't care if you had an abortion just to say you had one it's still a valid reason fuckers 💖

capullo

hmmmmm shooting loads into you bareback was definitely going to come back around to haunt him eventually

hopefully you're on the same wavelength as him: no babies

you get an appointment to terminate, he'll make one for a vasectomy right now right this minute

under no circumstances is he giving up fucking

but this was a close call, and he won't have that again

if you have some stupid baby to look after

then you won't be able to pay as much attention to him

and he should be the most important person in your life

arkham

sure. his robot children were enough for a while but he's past it

someone to carry on his legacy might be nice

an heir to his future empire, and his current...sewer domain

it's a redemption arc, a puzzle to be solved:

how do you raise the perfect child

because god knows he could have been so much more had his parents not been absolutely useless and cruel

he, however, will achieve it certainly

edward nigma, genius, super villain, best dad in the world

gotham

get ready for the most irritating 9 months of your life

because he will learn at least 100 new facts every day

as well as the ones he already knew

and will not stop telling you them, even when they make you a bit nervous or uncomfortable

but it's biological, so you should be prepared

and he'll be there to hold your hand and comfort you

as long as you promise not to let the kid be sporty

he wants a little mini-him to play video games with

and commit arson with too

twojar

ok this is weird but he feels strangely...accomplished? proud?

this is an achievement right? it's normal to feel this good?

a whole little person who will hopefully take after him

someone to scheme with

someone to appreciate his puzzles

a little re-headed minion to come home to that will idolise him

excellent, what a statement of his manhood

plus, there's something about domesticity that might make him seem more wholesome

or at least might trick his adversaries into thinking he's weakened, giving him the perfect opening to brutalise them

young justice

huh, ok he's not as stressed as he thought he might be

but now isn't the best time

he's glad though, because he didn't know there was a right time

so the idea of doing this in the future isn't off the table

but he's so young and so...not pathetic just...

he's not strong or accomplished enough yet in his own goals

maybe in the future when he can stand up to children

then he can consider having one in his own home

dano

uh oh he's crying!

because now he has the chance to give someone the childhood he didn't get to have

he can be a good dad, a super dad

and he'll always have a friend because kids can't leave

until they can walk...but his kid will like him right?

oh the insecurities are mounting, but he's still pleased

and he can get to work right away on planning everything

how are we feeling about puzzle themed names??

telltale

he is way past dad age

if you're not his s/o he'll gladly take on the role of supportive uncle

or grandparent more like

if you are his s/o then get ready to have a serious conversation

because that little monster is not being raised by him

and if you decide to put it up for adoption

god help the poor people who raise another riddler

it really took it out of his parents

unburied

"but i'm baby"

would absolutely throw a fit

he's far too busy with his scheming and riddling to be a dad

not to mention he's not necessarily the nurturing type

unless you want to raise another little psychopath

under any other circumstances cheating would annoy him

but please god let there be a chance this baby isn't his

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[aquafaith]

My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

.

.

.

I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 5)

[Donnie x fem reader]

sfw, chapt. 4 here

Just as Donnie had predicted, the night air was cold on his scales. Right upon leaving, Mikey brought up to Leo going in pairs this time, to cover more ground, he said. An extra thorough patrol. Donnie honestly couldn't make up his mind and so by then he was flying by the seat of his pants, not objecting to Mikey's plan, but also not agreeing. He doubted Leo would be convinced, anyway. They didn't do duo patrols that often. 

"I was thinking we could split up this time, you know, me and Donnie, you and Raph?" suggested Mikey, closing the manhole behind himself.

"I thought you liked it when we're all together," Leo commented. 

Donnie shot Mikey a look, trying to tell him to cool it, but he shrugged, "Come on, it'll be like some kind of training or...something," Mikey went behind Leo and shook his shoulders, "aren't you into that?"

Internally, Donnie facepalmed. Unless he actively tried to stop this, it was going to happen, wasn't it? One way or another, probably; it all depended on how Leo was feeling that night. Raph was indifferent. He didn't care whether they were all together or in pairs, just that he got to flex his combat skills some. If he could, he'd go out and do it on his own, even. 

Leo looked around, considering Mikey's suggestion. "Okay," he agreed, eventually. "You and Donnie take East, Raph and I will cover the usual route and then—" 

"No," Mikey interjected. Both Leo and Raph's brows furrowed as they stared at their brother. He motioned toward Donnie, "Me and Donnie can take that, you guys just go on ahead," he smiled. "You know I like checking out the skatepark!" 

"No skating," Leo said. 

"I'll just watch whoever's there, then." He pouted.

Raph snorted. "Yeah, make sure he actually pays attention, Donnie." 

"As usual," Donnie sighed, and looked at Leo. 

"Well, what do you think, Don?" 

The decision is up to me? 

Turns out it was his all along, but he wanted to feign innocence in saying that Mikey was the one to drag him through it. Easier to not take responsibility and let life happen at you rather than making a conscious effort, at times. 

"I guess we can do that," Donnie answered reluctantly. He could have said no. Why didn't he? In the corner of his eye, he saw Mikey beam, giving him a discreet thumbs up. 

"Alright, meet back here by four AM, and if either of you run into big trouble, call. We'll come," Leo said. "Same for us."

"Yeah, we'll holler for ya," added Raph dismissively. "And nah, a big dog doesn't count as trouble, Mikey." He sounded gruff, but in actuality, he was still chuckling to himself over that years later. After they got over being annoyed that he had called them from that far while they were on a supply run. Chased by a junkyard dog—some of their least favorite parts about visiting those places. 

"Hey, it was mean! And way fast!" Mikey protested as they parted ways, them taking to the East and red and blue the opposite way. 

As per course, Donnie and Mikey took their normal route, and his heart skipped a beat when they met the scene of their last run-in with criminals. Not because of them, no, but because of the familiar apartment building that was now more intimidating than he'd expected. They circled the area like they normally would have, but Mikey came to stop them on a roof just opposite of the complex, eyes searching each window. Obscured by the height of the building, he sat on the edge. 

Donnie didn't know what to do with himself. He stood back a good ten feet, somehow paranoid of being spotted even though he knew it was not possible from their angle in the complex. Mikey was comfortable, and weirdly at peace as he sat there quietly on the edge, assumed to be waiting for his brother to make a move. But Donnie was stuck in place. 

"What are you waiting for, D?" 

The sudden question broke him from his stillness. It was true; he didn't know what he was waiting for. 

"I—I don't know what you want me to do, what are you thinking?" Donnie asked in return, stepping back a little further as he noticed movement behind the curtains of a lit window. 

"Get your phone out and talk to her," Mikey told him, waving his hand at the apartments. "What did we come out here for if you aren't gonna make it right, bro? Do some smooth talk, tell her you're sorry and you wanna get to know her better…"

"This is absolutely a ridiculous plan," Donnie said, though as if his hands had thought of their own, they reached for his phone, and a moment later he was looking at the messages. Still nothing. Radio silence on both of their ends. How would he approach it? "I'm sorry I went from hot to cold so fast. Please talk to me again." Too strong. "Sorry, can we get a redo?" Too casual. "I'd like to apologise for being a jerk." Okay, that's just not good. Reconciling was going to be as difficult as he'd thought it would be. 

Mikey came over and looked at his phone screen and his brother floundering, thumbs stuttering across the keyboard, deleting the text, retyping it over and over again for perfection where he wasn't going to find any–

"I got this, let Love Doctor Mikey handle it," he said, taking the phone right from Donnie's hand. 

"You've never been in a relationship, not even talked to anyone, how would you—" 

Mikey shushed him. Donnie was going to snatch the phone away but he spun around, draping himself over his shoulder.  "Just let me work my magic, dude!"  

Donnie couldn't watch; he had to turn away. How sure he was that Mikey was going to say something uncalled for, something weird or bone-headed, and the wait was killing him. What if she didn't even respond? Was that better than doing damage control for Mikey's shenanigans? For someone usually decisive, he could not for the life of him make up his mind about what he wanted at that very instance. 

The phone vibrated. 

Mikey cheered. "Got her on the line, now you just gotta reel 'em in," he grinned, handing the phone back to Donnie. 

"Hey :/

I thought you wanted to stop?"

Mikey kept trying to lean over to catch a glimpse of the screen, but Donnie felt that it was a personal moment, so without skipping a beat, he activated the electric current in his staff and poked it behind him into his brother's plastron. 

"Fine," Mikey whined. He stepped in one last time, "But don't hold out on me here!" 

Trying to find an graceful way to patch this all up, Donnie replied: 

"I apologise for that, and I know you probably want an explanation, but it's hard to explain

Moment of weakness? 

I guess... 

Anyway. I'm not expecting you to suddenly be cool with it, if you don't want to talk to me I understand 

Sorry."

Mikey noticed Donnie's dismal expression and he mellowed out accordingly, standing close but not putting a hand on him, nor saying anything. He didn't watch the phone, but Donnie's face and slumped shoulders. He'd thought it would have been going better by now. 

"I won't lie, I'm still confused 

But if you're going through something, I'm right here for you

Don't worry about it. Just don't give me a spook like that again, I thought it was me  

lol 

Okay it's not funny but this is a little awkward" 

Donnie's heart sank reading that. He'd made her feel bad, even question herself over his problem. Never had he wanted to make her think it was her that drove him off. 

"No, no, it was never you 

Again, I can't really explain…

Is it okay if we just try this again? 

I understand if not."

"Jeez Bo, I already said it's alright 

I WANT to keep talking to you, you're cool

So let's forget about it, yeah? 

Friends again :) "

And like that, his heart took a leap. A smile slowly spread across his face, and without looking away from the screen, grabbed Mikey by the shell, pulling him toward. "Look at this!" he exclaimed. 

"You see it too?" he quirked, pointing at the apartment complex across the road. 

Donnie paused and looked over his shoulder at him, "What?" 

On one of the balconies sat a lone girl, on her phone, and if Mikey looked hard enough, he could see a smile. Definitely a smile. 

"Ah!" yelped Donnie quietly. He scurried back against the wall of the attached building behind him, as far as he could. 

"Dude! Come on, this is perfect!" Mikey nudged him, and when he didn't hop up onto his feet, dragged his brother near the edge of the roof. Donnie was boneless but unwilling, his mind stuck on the fact that she thought he was cool. Him, cool. Was he? She didn't know even the half of it. She didn't know he was a martial artist, technically a genius, and that he'd gone against some of the worst the city had to offer. And without that, she still thought he was cool, as an average guy. 

As average as what my circumstances will allow me to be. 

Feet dragging all the way, Donnie's stomach did a flip as they met the ledge, peering carefully over it in a crouch. They were prone, watching the girl who was completely unaware of their presence. He was, simply put, enraptured, for a second there, studying her features as much as he could from where they were. The details of her face were not distinct due to the distance, but he could tell she was both nothing like he'd imagined and so much more. For once, he didn't immediately question the validity of the situation; there was no "it could be a coincidence", or "it's too unlikely that she would be out just as they were". Not right away. But it hit him when Mikey spoke. 

"You're so lucky, D," he said wistfully. "Really." Head rested on his forearm, his gaze fell on not one thing, but the whole scene, a somber smile gracing him. He was excited, happy for his brother. But deep down, Donnie knew that though Mikey wasn't envious of him in a resentful way, it had to have stung to witness such a thing unfold for someone not himself. Their youngest had always craved connection the most. He looked away from the girl, "I wasn't gonna let you throw away an awesome chance, was I?"

Releasing a heavy breath, Donnie crawled away from the edge, but his eyes remained on that balcony. It was weird to watch someone who didn't know they were being watched. Not in that context. 

"I...guess I may be," Donnie responded. But it would only get more complicated from there. His phone vibrated, breaking his trance, and the message he found read:

"Anyways, with that out of the way, what are you doing?"

Just watching you from a roof, nothing much, Donnie thought. 

"Currently out enjoying the night" 

"Isn't it kinda cold?" 

"What about you?" 

He knew what he meant, because he was there watching her as a chilled breeze rolled through, but she told him she wasn't doing anything. Only relaxing and talking to him. 

It took him a few minutes to get his bearings. To know that he now had tangible evidence that she was a girl, an ordinary person, and that said person really thought he was cool. Worth the effort. He felt exceedingly difficult for not being able to give her a rightful explanation, but comforted by the fact that he wasn't being demanded of one. He felt light. Almost weightless, with Mikey next to him instead of his other cynical, skeptical brothers. For a moment, he had nothing to worry about. 

From across the roof, he could still see the yawn escape her mouth. Probably an indicator that it was time to wrap things up. He didn't want her to stay up too late; it was already odd that she was up at such an hour, almost two AM, but glad nonetheless. 

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah

I think I'm gonna hit the hay

So goodnight, Bo

Talk to you later (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞" 

She got up, leaning on the railing which faced them. 

"I want to stay up with you but—"

Donnie sucked in a sharp breath as she looked up, just barely able to see from underneath the balcony above her. He snagged the strap on Mikey's shell and yanked him back with him away from the edge of the roof, taking cover behind the wall. 

"Shit," hissed Donnie, "do you think she saw us?" 

These shells, they make us look so big! 

"Relax, bro, even if she did, it was only a little bit. Besides, we could be anyone from this far, they don't have pigeon vision." 

"You mean 'eagle vision'?" 

"They're both birds!"

Donnie deadpanned and peeked over the wall. She'd gone in. Three minutes later, he hadn't gotten any texts yet about something weird on the rooftops, so he could finally relax, groaning lightly. "Too close," he breathed out, "Mikey, we need to go, Leo's going to notice we're not back in time if we don't hurry up and get the rest of this route done."

"Already on it," he whooped, vaulting onto the next roof.

As Donnie was scaling the wall of the attached building, he felt his phone vibrate, and curious, he checked it one last time before getting on his way.

"One question before I go

You ever see stuff you can't explain but even if you did you'd sound crazy?"

Oh, no.

"No, I don't."

Chapter 6

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: Good morning, how are you? Ava: 😊 All the 🌞 for hearing from you Ava: how are you, James? James: I'm happy to hear that James: meanwhile I'm busy, but unfortunately not solely with hours dedicated to missing you, which is in itself dangerously close to a regret Ava: I know what you mean Ava: the universe doesn't allow nearly enough opportunities for pining at open windows or reflective musing whilst staring into bodies of water, or mirrors, depending on the mood Ava: impressive you can think up any beautiful words in such circumstances Ava: what are you busy with? James: I can't remember the last time I looked into a reflective surface that wasn't a kitchen appliance, but considering how few hours of sleep my present universe allows, that's perhaps for the best James: there is only so much a caffeine fuelled bloodstream can produce and therefore no new paragraphs of the novel are forthcoming either James: I'm steeping your in disappointments to begin your day, I'm afraid James: and you're not the only one, as what I am overwhelmingly busy right now is cancelling plans Ava: I'm sure I'll survive them all though Ava: as you will the lack of sleep and caffeine jitters, with a bit of help Ava: what can I do? Ava: Which is to say, what plans are worth keeping cancelled, and which ones should be salvaged from the ❌🗑 James: all I am left with are the activities which I cannot bear to erase from the schedule, therein lies my dilemma in its entirety Ava: Lay it on me Ava: two heads are better than one James: she is supposed to be here & isn't, which is of no surprise to me & wouldn't be of any consequence if I were capable of being in two places at once James: but I am not, nor do I have words to spin this into a story that doesn't end with a child having even less routine or structure when what she wants is more of both Ava: Right, and naturally, she's left it too late to contact any grandparent to be a stand-in? Ava: is it something I could do or not? James: I did try my mother but her reaction to being asked to enter the swimming baths was as hilarious as it was unhelpful Ava: I can imagine Ava: if that wasn't a waste of imagination James: I should have foreseen that they'd end up sharing the same unwillingness to get their hair wet Ava: but swimming caps are so fetching Ava: 🙄 James: of course James: & it's entirely about them, not the children's enjoyment Ava: or that swimming is actually a pretty vital skill Ava: you think people who like to spend so much time doing water-adjacent activities, yachting, sailing etc, would realize said importance but half my friends can't swim, only take the poolside pictures Ava: but seriously, if you think they'd be okay, I'm happy to keep watch on whichever kid would be more agreeable with me doing so James: Jay loves swimming, but I'm sure she'll outgrow it & prefer to pose apathetically on a lounger in designer sunglasses given a few years & the force of my wife's will James: that's how things work in this universe Ava: Not everyone is like that Ava: and your wife's will can be broken by the horror of damp hair, it can't be that much of an unstoppable force James: her will isn't the one being tested, but point taken Ava: No, I know Ava: I bet none of her yummy mummy friends take their kids though, do they? James: all of her friends have foreign au pairs that they barely have to financially compensation for raising their children full time Ava: so Ava: we can pretend I'm your enthusiastic...Swedish is perhaps a little too cliche Ava: Dutch? Ava: au pair James: what language do you actually take in school? James: they might hypothetically try to voice their complaints to you & expect you to respond in kind Ava: Such a shame the obligatory Latin won't come in handy, as per with dead languages Ava: I take French though, some of them might be Swiss James: it's inconsequential really, I can't ask you to help me when I haven't even asked what your plans are Ava: I offered, you didn't ask Ava: and I wouldn't have offered if I was busy with anything of consequence James: yes you would Ava: Nothing in my life is that important, not currently James: this isn't important to you James: & it doesn't have to be Ava: It's a life skill, like I said Ava: I don't mind doing it James: what am I supposed to say? Ava: if you think it's a bad idea, it's not like I'll be offended or anything silly like that James: it isn't that it's a bad idea Ava: What is it? James: it's that I feel bad, if this is what I can offer you James: because ours isn't supposed to be a sob story & it seems like I've only started a conversation with you to file my complaints Ava: it's not all you can offer me Ava: or all you do Ava: you have responsibilities, plenty of them, I knew that before Ava: and it's not a negative, even with it meaning we spend more time missing each other than we'd like James: it is however painfully stereotypical, 'my wife doesn't understand me' & so on Ava: well, yes Ava: at least you aren't alone in that pain Ava: 2/3 marriages, isn't it James: you're not supposed to be a sounding board for my mistakes, or hers, is all I'm trying to say Ava: I don't feel like one, I promise James: I just wish we could exist independent of this James: but there's no way not to feel equally as bad for wishing for a different world as I do for dragging you into this one Ava: I know Ava: but that wouldn't be a real world at all Ava: it could only exist within the pages of the novel Ava: it'd be perfect but James: I know that too, all of it James: ignore me, I'm tired Ava: I couldn't if I wanted to Ava: and I don't Ava: maybe you'll find a lilo to catch some 💤 on James: sadly I'm not taking any of you swimming at the villa Ava: You would have to tell me if I needed my passport as well as my swimsuit James: one day Ava: yeah? James: if you want to Ava: I don't need to pose apathetically in another sun lounger Ava: but of course, I'd like to be anywhere with you James: you won't be, that isn't even the hypothetical holiday I have in mind James: you know I want to experience things with you Ava: Then we will Ava: and it'll be much more than a photo opportunity James: okay, good Ava: Where would you most want to go together? James: I don't know James: but I like snow Ava: We can work with that Ava: top of a mountain, maybe James: that would be an undeniably good photo opportunity Ava: okay, so the view doesn't count 😅 James: I'll be relying on that, taking mental pictures is all well & good for now but you're a very lovely view Ava: oh 😌 Ava: you're lovelier James: no, you're impossibly beautiful James: all I can do is my best to put suitable description to it Ava: you're just Ava: I want to help you today Ava: but it's undeniably a bonus that I will get to see you James: I'll make some time purely for you James: I don't know when, but as soon as I can Ava: I'll take it Ava: whenever it is James: there's a chance I can use my mother's unwillingness to help me now as a insistence to do so later Ava: potentially Ava: promise her hair won't get wet, that'd be a start James: thank you, I'll open with that Ava: 😏 Ava: there must be something she'd like to do with them Ava: that won't also be entirely torturous for them, because certainly counterproductive James: I'm not sure there is James: but at the very least she's capable of feeding & putting them to bed Ava: then I can do the same for you Ava: more or less James: by then, it'll be my turn to do something for you Ava: which would you rather 🛏 or 🍽? James: it's not my decision, it's yours Ava: I'll cook for you James: I think that's wise Ava: I just want to see you, we don't need to go anywhere unnecessarily Ava: my place is often empty James: I'm happy to hear that in this instance, because of how much I want to see you too Ava: It has its perks Ava: you can take as long as you like putting me to bed, also James: can I? Ava: Yes Ava: I very much hope so James: I don't think you've anticipated how long I would like to spend doing so James: in a perfect world Ava: in this world Ava: we can go to bed very, very early, so you'll still be home by the time you need to be James: & if I don't need to be anywhere else, can I stay? Ava: yes Ava: you can stay as long as you can James: I'll try & stay until we can say good morning face to face Ava: I'd really like that James: me too Ava: You make me smile, you know James: I look forward to seeing it, should traffic ever allow Ava: Oh, I could've got myself there James: I know but I want to spend as much time with you as possible, just in case James: it's already been highlighted how unreliable all of my childcare options are & just how dependent on ridiculous whims Ava: I'm not going to complain, trust me James: you'd be entitled to, when you see how much energy these girls have compared to me James: they make me appear a level of exhausted that I haven't yet reached, honest James: it's horrifically unjust Ava: If I know anything about having kids, it's that any complaint I might have doesn't even register in comparison Ava: and you're still beautiful, even if you're very, very tired James: in theory possibly, but actually, your every sound & silence registers with me Ava: in that case, I'll make every one count James: I believe you Ava: not that I promise my words will be as good as yours Ava: that would just be foolish James: I don't doubt your vocabulary either, you're extremely eloquent & capable whatever the circumstances James: a very worthwhile skill in a protagonist Ava: you could make me the swooning type and it'd be valid Ava: perhaps not very likable or inspirational though James: unless you've changed your mind about seeing me, I don't have the time for such a drastic & unnecessarily out of character rewrite James: there aren't enough hours in the day to finish the saga, never mind turn us into the next Bella & Edward James: what a great disservice that would be to you anyway Ava: That would be so out of character, I couldn't possibly, we'd find ourselves in the same situation regardless Ava: and whilst I'm happy to miss you and do some pining for the cause Ava: I'll be happier to see you, of course Ava: no need to exile yourself to Italy, though I can see the pluses of that for you/Edward James: not to mention, the age gap is already enough of a potential concern Ava: at least you aren't re-doing high school for the nth time Ava: that would be alarming James: there's an argument to be made that I should Ava: if you picked a better school, maybe James: at the top of a mountain, perhaps Ava: yes Ava: though, distracting as you would be, I wouldn't be mad at an excuse to see you every day James: there is nothing more distracting than the thought of the blush of your cheeks in the cold air, which is what I'm considering right now Ava: James James: Ava Ava: I'm going to have to be cool when I see you, aren't I James: yes Ava: okay Ava: then I better compose myself James: such a heartbreaking sentence will never make it into the final draft Ava: it's okay, I like swimming James: you'll enjoy it when I can promise you a hot spring Ava: I'll love it then James: I hope so Ava: I will Ava: but I could be anywhere with you and feel 🌞 James: I can't help but feel as though this swimming lesson will put that to the test Ava: screaming kids are nothing Ava: I'm 💪 James: you can have the baby then, there's more heavy lifting involved Ava: alright Ava: I can do that Ava: she must be like a little 🐠 James: she looks like one with her 🐠 hooded towel on Ava: that's adorable James: [sends her a picture from a previous swimming lesson of that adorable bub wearing it because that's not cheating evidence Chlo, we're safe] Ava: Bless her Ava: she's precious James: you'll do fine, she enjoys a compliment Ava: I feel that James: well, it'd be amiss if I didn't flirt with my au pair & we don't want any raised eyebrows Ava: Exactly Ava: got to play your role James: if there was ever one I was seemingly born to play Ava: you don't want an actual au pair? Ava: not for flirting purposes, obviously James: I'm not allowed one, for flirting purposes or otherwise Ava: Ahh Ava: I see James: yet another cliche Ava: you shouldn't need one Ava: she doesn't work, right Ava: or uni, or anything James: of course not, but we would hypothetically need one because, as you just highlighted, she doesn't do anything Ava: yeah Ava: maybe you could find a man Ava: or a really unappealing woman James: I'm not handing her someone else to sleep with, least of all someone who's supposed to be busy watching the children James: & I don't think a woman unappealing enough exists given that my imagined track record clearly surpasses the actual Ava: and it would just be cruel to force any queer guy to be her built-in gay BFF Ava: 🙁 James: oh god, that would be the cruellest fate imaginable Ava: couldn't wish that on anyone Ava: I just Ava: wish I could help more long-term James: all you have to do is be here, that is helping me both short & long term James: more than you know or I could feasibly let you know Ava: but you can try Ava: and I will very much enjoy you doing so Ava: later James: I miss you James: I want you to know that now Ava: I miss you too James: I'll be there soon though, whether or not that helps or makes the feeling worse for you Ava: we'll see Ava: at least I can let you know 💬 James: I'll take my own opportunity to compose myself before you do Ava: 😇 James: 😈 Ava: it will be hard not to be James: it always is Ava: yeah Ava: one day, you won't have to be James: but this morning, I'll try to please everyone Ava: and you will James: you're the 😇 darling Ava: but you are very, very good Ava: you should know, I want you to James: thank you Ava: you're 🥇 James: I will only accept the accolade if I can share the honour with you Ava: you're too generous Ava: you deserve it James: so do you Ava: nah, not really James: yes really James: I don't deserve you happening to me James: I'm in awe of everything about you, Ava Ava: That's not true Ava: you deserve me Ava: and a lot more besides James: irrespective of the difference of opinion, I don't want anything more than you Ava: anything? James: what could I possibly desire more than you? Ava: you're Ava: are you nearly here? James: yes, but I can take some kind of impromptu detour if you'd rather the answer was no Ava: I can definitely compose myself again Ava: becoming quite an expert James: which is why you deserve a 🥇 James: I know how difficult it is to do Ava: at least we share in it Ava: that makes it, not easier but at least worthwhile James: still, I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you Ava: it'll help when I get to see you in the pool Ava: or make it a lot worse in a kinda fun way, anyway James: oh James: I haven't stopped to consider what you're going to be wearing for this Ava: It's probably best you don't Ava: forget I said anything James: hm, what you're done is, you've essentially guaranteed I can't & won't Ava: it's okay, you have the whole ride there to think about it before you really need to concentrate James: except I meant it when I answered yes to being nearly there & as soon as I am, time will speed up as it tends to do James: around you there are just never enough moments Ava: I miss you before you've even got here too Ava: no amount of time seems suitable James: I'll write us days, weeks, months & years but there's every chance you'll still feel cheated by it Ava: that's just life isn't it Ava: there's no time for half the things we want to do, but we have to carry on in earnest anyway James: the fraction alters from person to person, depending on the life lived & what gets prioritised but I don't believe there's anyone satisfied that they've experienced enough of anything they still want Ava: right Ava: the best you can hope for is doing some of it and having no regrets about if you could've done any more with your allotted time James: in not doing regrets, I'm halfway there Ava: could be worse James: I'm aware it could also be better, don't worry, I won't make you say it Ava: who's couldn't though James: anyone I care about, if the 🖋 were mightier than the ⚔ or indeed intentions counted for more than words on paper in the 1st place Ava: good intentions might not exactly be doing good, but it's still much better than doing bad James: they might also be dangerously close to a fool's errand but I've definitely made a fool of myself for a lot less Ava: I think its noble James: do you? Ava: Yes Ava: of course Ava: I mean it, really mean it, when I say I think you're lovely James: it's just that I'm not used to hearing it James: give me days, months, weeks & years Ava: Done Ava: the only reason I'd stop was if you wanted me to Ava: even then, I might try again, a few more times James: I have no intention, be it good or bad, of stopping you from doing anything you want to Ava: as long as you want it too James: even if I don't Ava: I wouldn't want that James: give yourself days, months, weeks & years James: the point is, my limitations aren't yours, you can do whatever you want & I won't be something that prevents you Ava: I'll still have time and space to say and mean it, whoever I am, because it will still be true and you'll still deserve to hear it James: okay, I'll work on accepting that James: but I make no promises about getting that work done during this particular car ride James: nonetheless, if you're still willing to, you can get in Ava: [come through gal, say hello to them babies] James: [depending where we're putting this on the timeline it could be the first time you have] Ava: [very well could be, Jay just like whaaa] James: [she's like new phone who dis] Ava: [just like I too wanted to swim so I'm coming with, is that cool?] James: [cue excited chatter about swimming and all the other sports and activities she likes because she's a sporty bitch from cradle to grave hence her personal trainer future] Ava: [just taking an interest like your own mother never, so rude] James: [I like to imagine the baby joining in by making excited sounds like she's trying to chat too] Ava: [just replying like yeah girl, same, like you understand] James: [I love it when that's a thing] Ava: [so do babies] James: [already better with her than her actual mother is] Ava: [sad but true] James: [we know the bar is that low, no shade Ava we also know you'll be an amazing step mum and mum so] Ava: [but seriously, we aren't being that extra rn that would be weird, we're just being not shit lol] James: [exactly dr phil and we know this swimming lesson will go great cos I'm only gonna be evil after and not let him get away to spend the night with her cos forever rude] Ava: [that's real and fair] James: [you lowkey don't get to have anything you want rn lads it's just the era we're in] Ava: [true tea, can skip to that] James: the later we wanted is going to have to happen moreso than we thought James: I'm really sorry James: I've tried everyone, both my siblings even Ava: Oh, okay Ava: that is a shame James: It's not okay, you were wonderful earlier & I James: well, I'm hardly that, unless we're giving out marks for effort in the last hour Ava: I'm definitely counting it Ava: if it can't be done it can't be James: not tonight Ava: then it's, not okay but just a fact Ava: we'll find time James: what are you doing tomorrow, maybe we can find some time then? Ava: I'm going to another Uni taster day thing James: which uni is it? Ava: LSE, so I will be about the day after on James: & you'll tell me what you think of LSE when it's over, right? Ava: Of course Ava: it's 1st for journalism but I'm not sold quite yet James: the tour might swing it for you if they take it more seriously than the one I gave Ava: I happen to be fond of the tour you gave, thank you very much James: Yes, The Vault will forever hold a special place in your heart Ava: Exactly Ava: be swinging by whether I'm alum or not 😏 James: I'll bear that in mind should I ever need to find you Ava: you only have to ask James: or whistle, not your namesake's immortal line, but I'm sure it'd be effective Ava: I have two, should you ever like to try again James: I'll bear that in mind as well Ava: Are you named after your dad, or granddad? James: II not III Ava: might've skipped a generation, if he was feeling particularly ruthless James: that would be a fun anecdote, but no Ava: that's a shame Ava: how do they pick the second boy's name James: I assume my mother just named Teddy what she would have named me if my father's ego hadn't got in the way Ava: that makes sense James: how they chose me sister's name would be anyone's guess, were it not stolen from the royal family Ava: surprised they'd commit the faux pas Ava: never have you 'round now, very awkward James: or very much a relief Ava: Poor Charlotte is pretty awkward looking James: looking like your grandmother can go one of 2 extremely different ways James: the more greats you add, the more you're rolling the dice Ava: 😅 Ava: at least there is some mystery in that Ava: no prizes for guessing who I come from James: but hand on heart I can profess to being thrilled that neither of my daughters resemble any of their grandparents Ava: they look like you James: Jay does Ava: yeah, moreso Ava: little ones change so much James: yes, she's an unfinished work Ava: that's a good way to put it James: it's better than being a shelved one, as I am Ava: I can deploy tiptoes if necessary James: thank you for what will be a cherished mental image Ava: it'd be cuter if I was smaller but in relation to you James: you couldn't be any cuter, in relation to anyone Ava: I'm glad you think so James: of course I do Ava: no of course about it Ava: you're totally gorgeous yourself James: first you're comparing our heights & now follows the rest of our attributes James: it's okay, I'm sitting down Ava: well I'm glad to hear you're getting somewhat of a break Ava: I'm just saying, it was still very unlikely, if not star-crossed James: you don't think we looked right together earlier? Ava: I love how we looked James: is there a but coming? Ava: only in the sense I wish it wasn't such a predictable cliche scene around here Ava: but it's neither of our faults that employment is seen as an actual form of flirtation by some James: it was a convenient excuse, I couldn't have wished for more than that under the circumstances Ava: I know Ava: it did the job James: if you want to come again, we know it works Ava: do you think I'll be invited back? James: I don't see why not Ava: I did okay then James: you did better than okay, we're all in agreement here Ava: good James: you haven't been worrying about this since you left, have you? Ava: not worrying Ava: but I don't want to mess that up, so I'm glad I didn't James: I understand, but I meant what I said about being in awe of you, you know James: this wasn't any different Ava: You really do always know what to say Ava: I know it was only swimming, but I'm glad they got to go James: well it's obvious that you always know what to do because you were perfect James: I was worried I shouldn't have agreed to you coming with us, but I'm glad you did James: they would've missed out for no reason if I'd panicked needlessly Ava: it wasn't needless panic though, you were left properly in the lurch Ava: and on paper, does not sound like the best idea James: I'm used to that, but less used to us existing off the page, particularly when it isn't just the two of us James: I asked you what you thought about how we looked, but it's something I try not to think about Ava: because of what other people might think Ava: or because you don't like the thought James: because of everything about my life that makes it difficult for us to be an us James: & because of your age & theirs Ava: You aren't that much older, even if your life means you have to act it Ava: but I understand Ava: thinking about it too much makes you think it might only ever be a nice thought, a daydream on the page and in our heads James: I know but Jay is 6 & you aren't old enough to have a child of that age James: which is why you don't James: I can't help thinking about that Ava: Well, yeah, I don't get having kids, there's no denying that but I'm not trying to say I do Ava: most people your age don't have kids either James: of course they don't, that's the thing, there's not an excessive age gap but there is a huge discrepancy when it comes to our lifestyle Ava: I know James: I don't want to alter yours, that's all Ava: You aren't just going to Ava: my lifestyle is up to me James: okay, just don't let me rewrite you Ava: you won't Ava: you don't want to, and I won't let you Ava: don't worry, okay James: I'll try not to Ava: it's needless, we can use that word here instead James: it's only a worry because I like you exactly as you are Ava: those aren't your words, sir James: do you only accept original speeches? James: it's very much a sentiment that applies to you and how I feel in this instance Ava: as long as you stick to the classics Ava: Mark Darcy, Edward Cullen James: an easy promise to both make & stick to Ava: then I'm happy Ava: 😊 James: I'm happy to hear that Ava: I like it when you're happy James: I'm happy with you Ava: good Ava: that's a good start Ava: we'll see each other soon, but maybe we can call before then James: I'd like that James: when? Ava: whenever you can Ava: I'm going to have a quiet night in James: as soon as I can then Ava: perfect Ava: what are you doing now? James: everything you would if you were my actual au pair Ava: Awkward when I am just a pretty face James: you're not but you're also not on my payroll thankfully because that would be more awkward James: what are you doing? Ava: making some dinner Ava: then I'll see how long I can make a bath last, I reckon James: are you making the same thing for yourself as you were going to make for me? Ava: I would've made you something special James: you've earnt special too though Ava: I'll do a different kind of special then Ava: comfort food James: I normally can't stand compromises but that admittedly sounds like a lovely one Ava: aren't compromises key in kid negotiations though? James: I think that depends what kind of parent you are Ava: and you're the structure and routine, so you're the boundaries and rules that aren't up for discussion too James: whether I wish I could just give in sometimes or not Ava: you're the love too though Ava: you can tell they both adore you James: for as long as being everything doesn't wear me down to nothing, I'll keep being exactly what they need me to Ava: does anyone help Ava: like, give consistent help James: her parents are the closest I've got Ava: sounds really fucking stressful James: it was easier with one Ava: yeah Ava: now you're outnumbered James: & everyone helped more when Jay was younger because we were too James: I'm expected to know what I'm doing by now Ava: don't reckon anyone ever does though Ava: cop-out response, I'm aware but genuinely Ava: it's just everyone has the responsibility of fucking up their own kids James: every child is different & I'm not remotely the same person I was either James: an additional cop out response but true anyway James: the way I handle things now, or don't, is a world away from how I coped then so James: new challenges Ava: well, I can't say about then Ava: but you're nicer now than lots of dickheads 'round here that wait 'til they're 30-40 odd to have theirs James: thank you Ava: whatever missteps, having a parent that's a decent person is an advantage lots of kids don't get James: are yours? Ava: yeah, I think so Ava: like, they aren't storybook parents and they never have been that type, they're too fucked up for that Ava: but they did and would do anything for us, nothing we could bring at them would be too much, and my siblings have definitely put that to the test in recent years James: storybook parents tend to lead you into the woods using a trail of breadcrumbs or do nothing while you're placed under a curse anyway James: which sounds more like the school of child rearing my parents would subscribe to Ava: oh you're right Ava: the ones that aren't dead are usually terrible James: I need to write some better bedtime stories once the novel is finished Ava: you'd be perfect at that Ava: I can tell Ava: you can turn me into whatever animal sells best but it better be cute or I won't be able to help being slightly offended James: you'll be adorable & clever & kind, of course James: the good ideas can come from your animal counterpart as they always do from you when you're yourself Ava: very 🦗 Ava: she likes 🐕 a lot though, and I can handle that James: I was considering a water creature because you love swimming & are intending to be in the bath as long as you possibly can James: perhaps 🦦 Ava: see Ava: you're amazing at this Ava: that would be so cute James: you haven't seen the pictures yet, an amazing artist I am not Ava: we'll get you an illustrator James: male or unattractive? Ava: I'm not your wife, I don't need to make those sort of stipulations James: strictly hired on their ability to draw an adorable 🦦 it is then Ava: 👍 thinking James: [I was thinking he should send her some totally beautiful and expensive pudding because she said comfort food so that needs to arrive before she's in the bath otherwise that'd be annoying instead of sweet] Ava: James James: Ava Ava: how am I ever going to thank you? James: oh good, I thought you were say you didn't like it James: *about to Ava: I love it Ava: how are you just as sweet Ava: it's ridiculous James: it's ridiculous that I can't see you for days at a time James: I want you to know that you're in my thoughts more often than that Ava: if she knew how lucky she was, none of this would even be an issue, that's what's ridiculous Ava: but I'm sort of glad she doesn't Ava: selfishly James: she isn't lucky to have me, that's the obvious issue James: because to say that we don't work as a couple or aren't sweet to each other is an oversimplification Ava: did you ever? James: no Ava: I'm sorry James: I don't deserve any sympathy, I haven't always tried very hard Ava: It's still sad James: It's sad for them, I'd like to think that maybe one day they'll describe me as 'fucked up but...' as you did your parents though James: I'd happily settle for that Ava: I don't know how thrilled they'd be Ava: but there's not really a higher compliment so Ava: as far as goals go, it's a good one James: realistic goals are the only way forward Ava: I'll drink to that James: 🥂 since I can't actually Ava: I'm just eating my pudding, obviously James: very amiss of me not to send you 🍾 as well James: noted Ava: Shh Ava: it was perfect, you are Ava: there's always enough 🍾 'round mine to bathe in, should I feel so inclined James: I remember Ava: yeah Ava: I remember too James: I won't ask you to fill in the ensuing gaps in my memory, don't worry Ava: I tried not to pay that close attention, naturally James: 😇 naturally Ava: Hardly Ava: Buster was just pretty embarrassing James: I remember that as well James: though I took the 👑 in that regard so there's little room for me to say anything Ava: you aren't my brother so I guess it didn't really register James: it may have more closely registered had we stayed friends, I suppose Ava: He didn't stay, period James: precisely Ava: 🤷 James: if he had & we were still friends, there wouldn't be a you & I so Ava: depends how good friends you were Ava: think you'd have to be much better than you were, right? James: it would be an added complication regardless & there are more than enough of those Ava: very true James: no offense to your brother but I would rather have your company than his Ava: 😂 I should hope so James: you could improve your ⚽ skills but James: Jay'll help you Ava: Slander Ava: I could be semi-pro, you don't know 😏 James: 😂 Ava: I'm not though, don't want to get anyone's hopes up here Ava: definitely come back to bite me if I try and impress you with my dribbling skills 🙄 James: I won't wait for you to indignantly explain the off side rule to me, it's okay Ava: we're both better than that cliche James: I hope so Ava: besides, I have ZERO interest in being a sports journalist thank you Ava: not putting that out into the universe James: or a WAG presumably Ava: not unless he has an interesting personality to go with the ball control James: some of them must Ava: probably be better going with a female player but I doubt they're girlfriends go in for the WAG label Ava: not invested enough to champion it solo James: it'd be a slightly less stereotypical existence Ava: except every lesbian is either a footballer, cop or farmer James: I'll have to take your word for it Ava: yes, I'm very reliable James: well I'm sorry, you can't be the novel's narrator Ava: I like your words too much, that's fine James: you're too kind to me Ava: no James: yes James: because it's another failing of mine that I can't get inside your head in order to write those words Ava: I like when you tell them to me Ava: with your voice James: can I call you? Ava: yes James: [does and I vote it lasts for hours and hours because they are cute and high key] Ava: [agreed]

[jessica-doom]

A Day in the Life of…Us? - Part 23/30: Memories

Potter Boy Confirmed Home Wrecker

It was pretty much exactly what they had expected. The Prophet had never been kind to their family and this would, of course, we no exception. "I thought I chucked that in the bin," James grumbled, pushing the newspaper away from his mug. Cleansing his sacred space of its gossipy trash.

"Yeah, I fished it out," Teddy said and he was smiling as he sat beside James. On the table before him, he delicately placed a tattered old album.

But all that mattered was James' father sitting across from them. He looked wrong in Teddy's home. Anyone besides the two of them here looked wrong…especially when James' mind made the connection to all the places they had 'broken in' the apartment. "James is right; it belongs in the trash," Harry stated clearly and slowly.

"That is where you both are wrong. It belongs in the scrapbook."

"For the love of Merlin, what is 'the scrapbook'?"

Teddy grinned brighter and gripped James' hand under the table, likely attempting to instill a semblance of calm in his jumpy exterior. "Well, many a newspaper and magazine have reported on me over the years…and I've saved as many articles as I possibly could." He patted the fraying cover like it was something precious. "They're a good reminder of failed perception."

Harry sighed heavily. "This isn't a case of 'failed perception', boys. This is…." He gestured rather violently towards the newspaper. "This is exactly what it looks like."

"Dad…." James echoed the sigh, knowing there was really no use in denying the circumstances. "Okay, fine. Yes…I am the reason their marriage ended. But that's not what's important here. What's important is that…. Dad, I love Teddy. And I'm about ninety-nine percent sure he loves me, too." Teddy squeezed his fingers, affirming this and bringing about a soft blush. "So, sure, the Prophet per usual had part of the facts correct. But they always miss something of the truth in there."

Next to him, Teddy flopped open the scrapbook on the table. "'Half-Breed War Orphan Rejected By War Hero Harry Potter'," he read solemnly from the first page. "They printed this article shortly after the war ended. Shortly after my parents died. Gran started the scrapbook with this article. She thought it was an important lesson for me to learn early. We're always going to be in the spotlight, but we don't have to let the hate that spotlight brings taint our lives. I know you didn't reject me; you just weren't ready to be a parent at eighteen. Just like you should know that James didn't wreck my marriage…I did that all on my own. And I am happier for it. And I do love James. Very much."

James found it impossible to keep the cheesy smile from lighting up his face. He covered his mouth, unable to meet his dad's eyes. Not from shame – he could never be ashamed of this – but from a need to avoid judgment after so blatantly baring his soul.

"Of course Andromeda would do something like this." Harry's voice when he finally spoke again, after obvious contemplation, was a tad lighter. Just a tad. And he was even attempting a small upturn of his lips James noticed when he had the courage to look up for a moment. "She's a smart woman, your gran. And I do understand what you're saying…but unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that this relationship of yours isn't appropriate."

"Forgive my disrespect…but what is so inappropriate here?" James was glad Teddy had the nerve to ask because he was feeling every bit the scolded child.

Harry exhaled heavily, throwing his hands up in the air. "I guess if you're going to make me say it…. The two of you are practically brothers. And I'm not a fan of the age difference. You also have to consider the unhealthiness of how this all started. While we're at it…we may as well note that James isn't even…gay."

It was in the next moment that James decided he wanted Teddy to fight every single one of his battles in the future. "And if you're gonna make me say it: We're not brothers," Teddy spat, listing each point on his fingers. "One, we're not related. We were raised near each other, but are no closer in relation than friends. Two, my parents had nearly twice the age gap James and I do. Three, I won't defend how we started this, but I do rather love the outcome. I enjoy being happy. And, finally, James seems to enjoy sticking his cock up my arse. I'd say that qualifies him as queer enough."

"Teddy," both James and Harry hissed at the same time, their tones carrying varying levels of embarrassment and discomfort. Deep down, however, James was beaming with pride and, perhaps, a bit turned on. No one had ever stood up for him so violently or plainly. It was also likely no one ever would again.

"I just want you to understand," Teddy muttered a tense moment after his outburst. "This…this relationship we're pursuing…. It all means a lot to me. And I guess I'm not ready to give that up for anyone, let alone for the impossibly high standards of the Prophet."

Although Teddy's indigence had faded out, his words were still passionate and inarguable. They clouded the air, strangling sound and spreading reason far too valid to ignore. "I just don't want to see either of my boys hurt," Harry finally admitted while pulling Teddy's album closer. Flipping through the pages with a haunted smile.

Since Teddy had already so profoundly laid his love out on the table, James figured it was his turn. "Neither of us want that, either. We just want each other," he interrupted just as Teddy opened his mouth to speak, gripping his knee gently under the table.

Since there was nothing left to argue, Harry merely nodded and...well, that was that. They were officially an outed couple.

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[glare-gryphon]

if you're keen literally any of those writing prompts you just reblogged would be amazing for obikin

Sure thing!

Rating: T

Pairings: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker

1,945 Words

Prompt: I gave you the most heartfelt love letter, but you gave it back to me with spelling and punctuation corrections!?

Additional Tags: Teacher/Student relationship, both parties above legal age of consent.

Send Me More Prompts?

Anakin is hallway through his semester of Professor Obi-Wan Kenobi’s composition class when he turns in the first letter. It’s a long thing, heartfelt if hastily written, tucked between the pages of his latest essay. He drops the packet on the designated spot on Kenobi’s desk, and flashes the man a smile. It’s not great, considering the nausea roiling in his gut, but it’s the best he can do. Before the professor has a chance to offer one of his own, Anakin turns tail and flees back to his desk.

This was, he thinks as he sits, a terrible idea. Unfortunately, it is far too late to backtrack, and Anakin can only watch helplessly as Kenobi straightens the stack of his and his peers’ essays before tucking the neat pile into his briefcase and dismissing them all with a wave of his hand. He is, perhaps, a bit more enthusiastic in his flight from the room than he normally is, though he likes to think he has an excuse this time.

It’s not fair, really; Anakin can think of no other reason than the machinations of a cruel and powerful god as the reason the universe had dropped such a perfect specimen as Professor Obi-Wan Kenobi practically into his lap. Fair skinned, with grey-blue eyes and auburn hair that’s just beginning to grey around the temples, Kenobi may as well have stepped out of one of teenaged Anakin’s wet dreams. Though shorter than Anakin and always swallowed up by oversized sweaters he insists on wearing to class, there is a grace in the way he moves that suggest power hidden beneath all that fabric. Anakin would like nothing more than to divest him of those layers and discover just what lay beneath; to feel the scratch of the man’s well-groomed beard against the soft skin of his lips and hear that infuriatingly crisp voice crack with pleasure; to raise dark bruises on pale skin that the world may know his claim.

Hence the letter. He can’t help but feel a bit like his nine year-old self, crafting a letter in still-shaky scrawl to the eleven year-old girl who lived down the street to proclaim his undying love, but nineteen year-old Anakin hadn’t really seen a better option. It’s not like he could meet Obi-Wan in his office and confess his attraction. The worst that can happen is that Kenobi says no; Anakin trusts he won’t turn him in to the school board for any unwanted advances. At least he’d have closure on the matter and would be able to move on from this ridiculous crush, just as he’d done when Padme Amidala had promptly but kindly informed his nine year-old that she currently had a crush on a girl in her class and therefore could not be his girlfriend.

The class period following the submission of his letter are perhaps the most nerve-wracking of his life, made all the worse by the fact that Kenobi doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that Anakin has laid out his heart on a silver platter and thrown a wrench in the cordial relationship they’d cultivated over the first half of the semester. In fact, Kenobi continues along as though nothing has happened—as though he never received the letter at all. Perhaps it fell out from between the pages somewhere between the library, where Anakin had printed his essay, and the classroom, to be swept away as garbage by the college’s apathetic janitorial staff. He can’t seem to decide whether this thought is a relief or not.

In fact, it is a full week later that Anakin finally gets his answer. Kenobi passes back the essays, lingering perhaps a bit too long by Anakin when he drops his onto his desk, and Anakin flips through the pages only to spot something tucked between them: his letter. It’s not, however, as he submitted it. Instead, it is covered in the signature green of Kenobi’s grading pen. Everything from grammatical and spelling errors have been marked as meticulously as the essay Anakin submitted the letter with. He scowls at it, but it continues to not make any sort of sense. He flips it over, but there is nothing written on the back; no polite rejection or any kind of acknowledgement of the letter’s contents. Just the corrections.

Anakin catches Kenobi’s eyes when the man dismisses them, but his expression is unreadable.

The second letter is submitted with his next assignment, Kenobi’s corrections taken into account. He’s not entirely sure it’s what Obi-Wan wants, but it hadn’t been a straightforward no, so he’s going to go for it. In fact, as he hands the essay to Kenobi, the man thumbs through the pages as though looking for Anakin’s response before sticking it on the pile with all the rest. He smirks at Anakin as he does so, and the youth’s mouth abruptly goes dry.Again the letter is returned to him with his assignment, though there is significantly less green on it than the first attempt. Kenobi’s hand settles on his shoulder very briefly as he passes Anakin’s desk, and the heat that radiates from his palm seems to linger on Anakin’s skin long after he’s left the class and continued on with his day.

It becomes something of a game. He’d submit a letter, Obi-Wan would grade it and give it back. Each time he’d make less and less mistakes, and would spend his free time pouring over their contents in attempt to decipher just what he’d done wrong and how it could be improved. The remainder of the semester flies by, and before he knows it he’s handing in his final essay—his final letter with it. The thought leaves a pit in his stomach.

When grades are finally passed back, he flips desperately through the pages only to find the letter absent. The pit in his stomach seems to grow, swallowing up all of his insides as a sense of betrayal falls over him. Kenobi, for his part, acts as though nothing is wrong; as though he has not violated the arrangement they’d come to over the course of the semester. If Anakin is brooding and unresponsive for the remainder of their final class period, he likes to think he has a perfectly valid reason.

“Mr. Skywalker,” Kenobi calls when the class is dismissed for the last time, catching Anakin just before he slips out the door, “I’d like to see you in my office, please.”

Anakin nods morosely, and waits for the man to pack up his things before following him through the crowded halls. He’s never actually been to Obi-Wan’s office, despite everything. It had seemed too private—to isolated for Anakin to trust himself to not make any rash decisions. Not like it matters now.

The door closing and locking behind them is vaguely ominous, cutting off the sound of students talking as they make their way to their next class; the glass in the window is frosted, making it impossible to see what is going on outside the office—or within. Anakin does not move from the doorway until Kenobi steps around him, settling in his own chair and gesturing to one on the opposite side of the desk. “Please, Anakin, sit.”

He does, shuffling deliberately slow across the room and dropping unceremoniously down into it. It might have been comfortable in other circumstances, but Anakin is too on edge to really take notice. Kenobi does not comment on the matter, instead opening one of the desk drawers and rifling through it until he finds what he’s looking for: Anakin’s last letter.

“Congratulations, Anakin,” he announces as he pulls a pair of glasses from his breast pocket with his free hand. Anakin’s only seen him wear them a few times. “You’ve finally written me a flawless letter; it seems like you’ve learned something from my class after all.”

“Have I?” Anakin mutters, though it’s mostly to himself.

Obi-Wan answers the question nonetheless, setting the paper down to gesture with his hands. “Of course! Over the course of the semester, your grades drastically improved. The improvements you began to make here,” he lays a hand on the letter, “translated directly to improvements in your assignments for class. You spotted and corrected mistakes more easily in you editing, and your overall skill level improved. I’m very proud of you, Anakin,”

“Is that all this was to you?” Anakin spits, temper finally getting the better of him. He snatches the letter from Kenobi’s desk and waves it at the man like a prosecutor presenting evidence to a guilty party. “A fucking academic exercise?”

The outburst earns him a slow blink from Kenobi, who is silent for a moment before his lips curl into a small smirk. “Of course not, Anakin,” he purrs, leaning forward and plucking the letter from the boy’s grip and smoothing the now wrinkled paper on the surface of his desk. “I want you to be mine just as much as you desire to be; I simply had to ensure you actually took something from my class before we got distracted by… other things.”

Anakin has to stifle a whimper when Obi-Wan pushes his chair back from the desk, gesturing for the younger man to approach with a beckoning motion of his fingers. He doesn’t have to be told twice, scrambling out of his own seat and around to the other side; a small part of him can’t believe this is actually happening.

Kenobi guides him up onto his lap despite the soft protest of the chair, Anakin’s knees bracketing the man’s hips. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you,” he murmurs, holding gently to Anakin’s hips as he situates himself. “You have no idea how hard it was to not just give you what you asked for in your letters.”

Anakin thinks he has some idea, having dealt with his own desire over the course of the semester, but he does not say so; they’ve done enough talking, in his opinion. Instead he leans down, catching the man’s lips with his own with the urgency of a starving man. Kenobi doesn’t seem inclined to reprimand him for ending the conversation early, returning Anakin’s affections with the same passion. It’s easy to lose himself in the sensations, everything he wanted and so, so much more. Chapped lips and a rough beard and the aftertaste of tea that Obi-Wan drinks in class. He wants more—wants everything the man has to offer.

When they finally break away to draw breath, Kenobi’s grin has morphed into something predatory. “Would you like to go home with me, Anakin Skywalker?” he asks, and Anakin is nodding frantically before he’s even finished the question.

“Yes,” he gasps. “Yes, yes, please.”

The moment is abruptly ruined by a knock at the door and a jiggling of the handle, a very confused call of, “Mr. Kenobi? Are you in there?” sounding through the glass.

Obi-Wan sighs, gently pushing Anakin off him and attempting to straighten his clothing, which has been irreparably wrinkled by the younger man’s clinging. “I suppose that’s our que to return to the real world.”

“I guess,” Anakin replies, smoothing down his own tee shirt. He doesn’t look nearly as rumpled as Kenobi, only because he always looks a bit of a mess.

“I will see you later then, darling; I do believe you have another class in a bit. Meet me here afterwards?”

Anakin nods his ascent, and Obi-Wan stands to give him one final, chaste peck before striding over to the door and unlocking it to usher Anakin out. “Until then, Mr. Skywalker.”

[butcherhasbeef-blog]

What You're Actually Saying When You Ask People to Use Your Preferred Pronouns

Not too long ago I stumbled upon the ever so thirsty Riley J. Dennis' video how intentionally mis-gendering someone is an act of violence. In the sources there was an article called WHAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY SAYING WHEN YOU IGNORE SOMEONE’S GENDER PRONOUNS 

It's the usual article that informs you how you massacre one's feelings by not doing precisely what they ask. And thus this is what you actually say. I usually hate these types of posts, because they tend to exaggerate  the situation.

Therefore as a gag I made my own list to give a little look at the other side of the coin. By no means should you see this as accusatory. This is how the non-trans maybe feel like when you, a trans person, demand for your pronouns.

1. My only concern is my personal well-being

By this I mean, you make people feel as though they do not matter. You ask that your pronouns are used without questioning if the other person feels comfortable using them. Neither do you even consider if it is easy to use them. With the example being the pronoun “po”: 

“Hi! My name is Ashley and my preferred pronouns are po/pon/ponself. I like drawing” 

“Ashley is a highschool student. Po likes drawing”. 

Do you understand how awful that sounds? I used an extreme example, but even if the pronoun was “they” - I know that even that is confusing to use, because no one is really used to using singular they when referring to a specific person. However, it is easy to use when there is no knowledge of a person's sex, especially with unisex personal names, such as Ashley, Jamie, Taylor, Sidney and so on. So please, be a little more mindful of those you subject to your pronoun dictatorship.

2. I need your constant validation of my own identity!

Very often transgenders will claim that pronouns are part of their own identity and incorrect pronoun use invalidates them. You know what this says about the trans people? That they expect others to validate their existence. Why I have to validate you? Why can't you validate yourself and not give a fuck when random assholes don't care about your pronouns? What I've noticed from many people that are not trans per se is that they DO in fact try to use the preferred pronouns because it's a nice thing to do. So get that stupid idea out of your head that the cis are out to get you, because there is this one thing that you forget - people in general do not question your validity. They question your sanity, especially if you throw a tantrum about your pronouns.

3. Your opinion does not align with mine and therefore your're transphobic!

Whenever people disagree with you, you resort to insults. You never try to explain the non-emotional side of your gender identity. You never rationalize why you feel that way. You always rely on vague information or snark orders that you tell people who just don't understand.

What you don't understand is that people do not have to agree with you, nor do they have to try and that does not mean they are transphobic. People do not have to take your word at face value and trust you just because you experience it. I have yet to personally find a definition of what non-binary is, or how one can “experience gender”. If I disagree or feel as though you might be overreacting about something does not make me transphobic. I means I disagree with you.

4. My feelings should matter to you more than your own!

Just like you do not care about the physical well-being of non-trans people, you seem to now care about their emotional well-being too. It's always about your needs and never coming to a compromise. Whoever comes into contact with you HAS to use your pronouns otherwise, as Riley wants to imply, they are psychologically harming you. But have you bothered to think how your demands affect others? Let me guess, you haven't.

Because at the end of the day you are the victim and always have been. People defy your pronouns thus invalidating you and you yourself cannot do anything about it, because your self worth does not stem from your own perception of yourself...I hope I made sense. What I means is, you're responsible for validating yourself and no one else. They may try to dismiss your existence, but everyone experiences that.

5. I will always assume that you have it much better than I do!

This happens all the time. Cis gender privilege. The assumption that cis people do not have to worry about passing, using restrooms, getting jobs, ridicule and so on...except that well, since you're not cis, you would not know that such privileges are almost non-existence and just because one is cis does not mean they will walk this world care-free. It's because of these assumptions, which you never bother to actually check, you end up being disliked and hated. And do not even think for a second that you as a trans person do not have privileges. Because privilege itself is relative to circumstances and everyone is privileged in one way or another.

You somehow forget that we are people too, we get hurt, mistreated and abused. Just. Like. You.

6. If I'm a non-binary female, my duty is to use the male rest rooms because that is what is gender neutral!

I know this one is specific, but for whatever reason, gender neutral is assumed to be...well...pretty masculine. Non-binary or gender neutral females will probably look like guys. And I've seen a bunch of them and asked myself “what is it?”. Remember that news report about the chick who was non-binary and used the boys bathroom and then bitched that she was denied? How many more people like her do that on a daily basis? Also, remember point number 4? It's this sort of things I am talking about - there is no concern for others well-being and comfort because your trans status is more important to you. Because male bathroom is the pinnacle of gender neutrality.

7. I am forcing you to alter your language even though I'm a stranger to you!

Bill C-16 in Canada will enforce people to comply with whatever gender identity and pronouns a trans-person will come up with. Similar things already are happening in various cities around the USA. People are forced to do something they do not want to or feel comfortable doing because some trans-people base their identity on pronouns.

Majority has to accommodate a very small minority, please explain, how does this make sense? Why does the  trans community think that their rights are not met? The fact that you can be trans openly and not get stabbed should be seen as a good thing. The fact that you can speak out about supposed oppression and not get executed or put in a mental institutions or prison means that the society you live in is tolerant towards the likes you. Yet somehow that is not good enough for you. For some reason, everyone has to bend over backwards for you. Because you matter, because you are valid. This is what taking things for granted looks like.

8. My mental stability is your responsibility!

This point sort of ties in with the second point. Except that everyone who is not trans for some reason is responsible for your emotional and psychological pain. You tend to wear your disabilities as a crown, assuming it will empower you in some way. It just makes you look weird. The fact that people need to meet your needs, but you do not try to meet theirs is pretty selfish. Why should anyone let you leech off of them? You fail to understand that each person is on their own for better or worse. You create your own inner world and you're responsible for how you feel (not talking about depression).

The society isn't guilty for not liking you if you struggle to like yourself. Nor is it a babysitter for th  ose who struggle to take care of themselves, but for the most part people in need get help. So stop demonizing everyone around you who does not fit your personal standards or is not progressive enough. Almost every other person would help you if you needed it. Think about that.

9. You can't assume my gender, but I can assume yours!

What I've noticed ever so often is that when a trans person is misgendered, they might throw a fit. When trans people do not like when someone disagrees with them, they will automatically assume that you are cis. Great example is Blaire White. She is trans, but speaks against plenty of SJW and trans BS. Ever so often someone will call her cis...I guess because only cis people have the passing privilege.

This example is one of many. But do not assume that every trans person has to have one unifying opinion that coincides with yours. You ironically forget that people including trans are different and just like no one should prematurely assume something about you, you shouldn't do the same to them. Having a special gender doesn't give you a free pass to be an asshole.

10. I need to feel special at all times.

Whether this is intentional or not, many will perceive your special pronouns as you wanting special treatment. The more exotic or foreign they will sound, the higher special snowflake level you'll get. But the problem with this is not the need to feel special because people want to feel special too. You rely on others and almost everyone to fill a gaping hole that you yourself neglect.

As I mentioned in point 8, if you do not like yourself, don't expect others to like you. Your pronouns are not the problem. It's your attitude and militant demands towards strangers.