#and she still has a more fullfilling social life than i do

[navramanan]

Dont know which would be worse

[handelplayssims]

You know who forgot about NAPs and it’s Monday? MEEEEE! At this point, I don’t really know what NAPs I want to go with. Pierce and Curtis are all about the social life and Supriya has her active fullfillment. Votes are leaning towards Water Conservation but ehhhhhh. I mean, it’s not as bad as how power conservation would be for this household but we’re still near 30 dollars every day for our water bill. Out of all of the green things to add on, I’m more of a fan of the one that simply encourages everyone to own some solar panels, wind turbines and dew collectors. Mostly because you can just stick them on the roof and be done with them.

And I suddenly realize that Supriya has a day off! I could get work done on her aspiration again! After she enjoys her tunes. Which thankfully, I have an excuse to leave the household thanks to Lazerwolf actually wanting to go on a walk. Nice!

...it is also here that I realize I probably should figure out a cat cafe somewhere because there isn’t any other places for cats to hang out at other than the bar, and I reconfigured that so that the layout doesn’t strike me as one that’s too friendly for cats. But never mind that, we’re off to the dog park! If anywhere would have more dogs for Supriya to befriend, it would be there! After the walk, of course.

I just had Supriya introduce herself and try to get to know any dog that dropped into the park. Any bit will help with being friends with 12 pets at the same time! I did actually find the owner of the dog that Supriya befriended the most, a self-assured mixologist named Ana Cormier. She works at the fancy nightclub in Windenburg at 10 to 6, aka the most hopping time to be there.

Return home, check on Curtis, his want is to bring happiness to others, aka being social but damn it! It’s two hours before bedtime! His other whim is to gain handiness so we could work on that! And so we did. With a knife block sold, we head to bed and thus-

Neighborhood Watch!

Del Sol Valley: The Geiger household has moved in.

Good luck in ultra rich house!

Becket Melvin in the Melvin household has died. Beckett got on the bad side of a rabbit.

Scapula Knogle in the Knogle household has died. Scapula thought she could conquer a mountian, but the mountian conquered her.

...I recognize that name for that is a name you see in passing and go, “yeah that’s a name.” RIP!

This is a bit short so let’s add another day! Pierce is still gloomy from the pressures of capitalism, haven’t cleared off that fear yet. I also set Curtis to at least make some eggs for breakfast for himself. (Mostly because Pierce and Evie had already queued to eat. And Supriya woke up and it’s a work-from-home day for her. And by home, I mean head out to a uni class and then spend a LOT of time writing up an opinion piece on a computer. And so we do the uni class thing, and research on the research machine to take some time up.

Kids have returned from school! Pierce has three hours to chill after his part time job starts up. And of course Evie stays outside long enough for her fear to kick in. Sigh. You know what I say it’s time to pick up? Meditation! Mindfulness! So I set her to do that.

Curits has also returned from work. Whims are to chat with Pierce and to flirt with Roxana, another sim of mine. ...yeah no. Just take your shower and make some dinner and I’ll figure out what to do with you. Pierce returned from his jog I sent to try to pick up his mood all uncomfortable. The outside has TRASH out there! Aka, a very uncomfortable moodlet of something being trashed when he was jogging around. I suspect it’s the overly stinky leaf piles from it being autumn. It immedately went away as soon as he settled in at home so I’m just going to continue with fitness being just an activity he does but not something he dislikes. But! Before he gets sent off to his part-time job, I have a small window of opportunity for him to regain his passion. It didn’t take. He just got a tense moodlet. Alas!

Oh hey! I actually get to see Evie in her fitness outfit since she meditated! I think I only see those on kids when they play basketball so this is nice! Anyway going to set Evie to do her usual thing when scared. Hang around some of the household pets!

But I did rotate control over to Supriya. Still need to find pets to befriend! Oooh, there is her disliked enemy’s pet dog Lady. I could go over to their house and give cuddles and affection to them.

And what do you ya know! They have another...dog?! Foxes can generate when you adopt a pet and I saw one and was immediately like, yes please! She’s Kayla’s specific dog. Anyway, I spotted Lady chewing on a ball so I set Supriya up to train her to train her to play fetch. She picked it up very quick at least! And then it was a matter of getting a few more socials in order to feel the love with this very loyal dog. And then we sent her back home for a munch and then sleep. At least she had no work tomorrow, this staying out until 1:30am just befriending dogs. And everyone else in this household as well...as soon as they do the needs fullfillment tango.

Neighborhood Watch!

Miley Ricks in the Ricks household has died.

Miley went to sleep with the fishes.

Fiorella Navarro in the Navarro household retired from her job as a Cat Video Creator in the Internet Personality career.

[flying-elliska]

So I watched Happiest Season (livewatch with @beeexx my fave penguin enthusiast 🐧🐧🐧)

Overall I enjoyed it ? But it's not the light-hearted romcom it's been promoted as.

Spoilers !

The positive:

- Kristen Stewart, het icon of my teen years, is just glowing in this, like she is so happy to be finally playing gay lmao. This is really her story. Her character, Abby, is by turn charming, adorable, funny, and relatably awkward. Also, her glam butch style is just A++. And she has good chemistry with her co-star - they feel and behave like a believable couple (which has been a problem with actresses playing wlw in the past where you could really see they weren’t fully into it.) They were super cute together. This still feels cathartic somehow, like Bella Swan decided to go see a therapist instead of going off the deep end and finally figured herself out.

- I loved that this isn't the "token gays in a sea of straightness" trope. Abby's BFF is gay and really funny - and this particular trope feels a lot less annoying when the gay BFF is there for another gay person so it's more like queer solidarity instead of him being a prop for a straight person's development. Him trying to play straight was just hilarious. Aubrey Plaza plays Harper's (the other part of the main couple) ex and she is just great, seems a bit shady at first but her helping Abby out was just...so compassionate. Also she is probably the hottest character in this movie let's be real. And I loved the bit where she takes her to a drag bar (the straight bar where Harper goes to seems so drab in comparison fjfj)

- There were some funny, classic rom-com shenanigans moments - the sneaking around, getting stuck in the closet, etc...the creepy twins were quite funny too, if infuriating. My favorite was definitely Jane, the overlooked kooky sister, who "has been writing a fantasy book for the past ten years" (I can relate) and whose overachiever family has pretty much given up on her (I can also relate). 

-Ngl the whole ‘rich people being fake and neurotic and making everything x100 times more difficult than it has to be’ bit felt very realistic. Like, I’ve met those people, and they are just as annoying in this movie as they are in real life. Also a very realistic rep of having to fake who you are in a town full of fake people pleasers and over achievers (even if it was stressful to watch lmao) and how Christmas can bring out the worst in people.

- Even though it has issues, the ending was very heartfelt and I definitely cried. This movie is just really raw and sad in some parts, but in a way that felt genuine and you can tell that a lot of queer people were involved in making it. It really touches on this deep seated anguish of possibly being rejected, of not knowing whether your family is going to accept you or not, on desperately trying to pass because you’re afraid of change...I think a lot of that comes to the actors being really good, like all of them, and really acting their heart out. And the moment where the dad decides to forego a big donor/supporter because he doesn’t want to force his daugther to hide really touched me. I also really liked the part where the BFF talks about how everybody’s coming out journey can be different and it’s important to remember that, especially if you have the chance to come from a very tolerant background.

The Less Positive

- The movie has been criticized for being weirdly apolitical (for instance the dad is a mayor but we never learn anything about his actual political opinions) but tbh this is supposed to be a Hallmark-like holidays movie I think that’s kind of part of the genre to be in this sort of happy slightly tone-deaf bubble and I don’t think straight movies of this type get this sort of criticism so yknow i’m fine with that bit i guess not all queer movies should have to be deeply political (even tho yeah it’s still very homonormative and ‘all about family values’ etc etc)

- Most of the issues I have with this movie center around Harper, Abby’s love interest and the one who lies to her family about their relationship. Now, I think Mackenzie Davis is a really good actress. And I do feel sympathetic for the character. The movie really makes you understand all the pressure she’s under, how her parent’s love is conditional, all the public scrutiny, and why she behaves the way she does. And her finally pulling through made me cheer for her. However, there were a lot of moments in the movie where I was genuinely unsure if I should be rooting for Abby and her to stay together. She does a lot of things that are definitely deeply unhealthy and questionable and had me going ‘Abby pls run away while you still can’. I feel a lot of compassion for her. But I simply don’t think the movie gives us enough happy time with Abby and Harper for me to really want them to be together as a couple -they spend a big part of the movie being mad at each other. They should have given us more scenes with them at the start to really get a feel of who they are as characters and as a couple, so when it gets rough, we actually root for them to pull through. This is an issue a lot of mediocre romances have - they assume we will root for the characters just because they’re said to be in love. For me, that doesn’t really work. And even though the ending made me quite emotional (again, great acting) - as a romance, it doesn’t really work for me.

- I really liked the bit where the family realized they had been putting this pressure on each other to be perfect and as they shared all these secrets they finally came together as a family. But...honestly, the family started out as just so profoundly neurotic it felt a bit unbelievable (and their social circles felt like a nightmare). A bit like Abby and Harper’s relationship being all ok after Harper’s big change of heart. The whole ‘mom’s secret desire to do karate but it’s unlady-like’ being put on the same level as her daughter’s coming out had me rolling my eyes. And there is a forced coming out scene which I really really hate.

- I think what I am really tired of, is queer movies who center coming out so much, the anxiety of being accepted or not, etc. And who present coming out as this revolutionary process that is going to change everything immediately. In my experience, at least, it’s often a process of small inches, towards self acceptance, towards your family coming to terms and learning to be less unconsciously bigoted, sometimes good intentions, sometimes microagressions or being erased, etc etc. I also just really want queer stories and queer romances who are not centered on coming out, on ‘what will others/my family think’, who have shenanigans and tension based on other things, with characters who might struggle with self acceptance sometimes (or not) but who have other things going on as well and who are fuller characters. It’s about damn time. Until then, the movies we have will end up feeling a lot like a PSA for straight people.

Overall

I still think this is a pretty quality movie. Good acting, believable and often funny dialogue, good chemistry, etc. (And let’s be honest, the bar for wlw movies is uhhhh not very high.) I really enjoyed watching Kristen Steward play gay and have chemistry with pretty ladies. There was room for holiday gay movies (even tho I want to see more, with more diverse characters).

It feels like wish-fullfillment for a certain type of queer person - (upper) middle class, with parents who are...ambiguously accepting. It does transcribe well this tension of not really being to predict their reaction - and illustrates the importance of being very obviously accepting with your children - like tell them it’s okay for them to be gay from the start, even if they turn out to be straight - otherwise they will be left wondering if they’re not. It’s this fantasy that everything will turn out all-right after you come out, you will fit in your family better than before, your mistakes will be forgiven if you are earnest enough, and life can go on as usual but better. And it is sweet, and cathartic, in a way, even if not revolutionary.

But yeah, as a romance, I wasn’t entirely sold on it. And I think it was promoted as a lot more uplifting than it really was.

[fourrarri]

He’d never thought himself much good at giving gifts. At least not the traditional way. A general non-interest in materialism and a fondness for practicality that grew with his age having made a habit for him of gift giving at random to address a need rather than wait for any specific occasion. Not something that anyone ever seemed to mind but had always caused him a prickle of disquiet in him when it came to birthdays, or christmas. Anytime he was left floundering for gift ideas really. Especially when the occasion for gift giving was someone near & dear to his heart & well within means to buy whatever they wanted much less needed.

Still, he’d always loved a challenge, and Lance. . . Well, the hitman was nothing if not that no? And so much more besides, as he’d been delighted to find in the time he’d gotten to know the man thus far. Knowledge he’d put to proper use making the birthday boy’s gifts over the last month. Gifts that not only fullfilled Joel’s fondness for practicality but that he hoped would meet the other’s fondness for aesthetic beauty as well. 

But perhaps above all, he hoped they’d translate how much he appreciated what Lance had been willing to share of himself with him. His openess. His history. How very genuine he always was in any response he gave him. Joel wanted to honor that. Show him somehow beyond words that he’d heard him, that he cared. That he was glad to know him. Who he’d been, was now, and if Lance was keen, who he’d become.

“I uhh--, made each of your gifts myself. Well, mostly. I didn’t actually make the packaging on these first two, just what’s inside em.”

The first of the gifts was a bottled set of massage oils. Each one had a color scheme of preserved blossoms to indicate the essential oil he’d picked for fragrance. Flowers that he’d picked himself either having found them while hiking or from various flowershops. The florals he’d then dyed, dried, arranged, glued, and set inside each bottle before adding the oils. 

It was no secret that Lance not only enjoyed attention, but absolutely thrived on it. Had made it clear on a handful of occasions that he was not above demanding it, loudly. Or turning into a complete bratling when it wasn’t given to him for longer than he had patience to wait. Lance also liked to touch, to be touched. And if Joel had thought to indulge himself his fondness for ‘taking care’ whilst gifting the man something that encouraged lavish amounts of pampering and focus all on him, well. He rather doubted the other would have issue with it.

“These are massage oils infused with aloe and other essential oils for skin care and fragrance. Should come in handy the next time the sun toasts ya a bit more than you meant. Or when you’re feeling neglected.”

The second wasn’t any less playful or indulgent. They were at a glance a bit of an inside joke, one that only a very small handful of people would probaly ‘get’ if what Lance had told him was anything to go by for how many people knew how he really made money. The gift was a set of lip balms he’d made with a mix of beeswax, shea butter, vaseline, and jojoba oil. Each one had been carefully colored with a combination of powder made out of the leftover blossoms, and food coloring to add tint to them along with their protective and restorative properties. 

The set itself was shaded from translucent to various nudes that ranged from natural pink to warmer spice hues. When adding the tint, he had paused, idly wondering if the addition of color to the balms would be too feminine a detail for Lance’s taste. A thought that had gone as fast as it’d come when he recalled the man’s new habit of painting his nails. How much value he placed in his appearence, how little he placed in social norms, how he was seemingly content to enjoy what he liked and not question it beyond that. How very fond he was of Lance for it.

His favorite part of this particualr gift however, was that the case for each one was a hollowed out, reforged, and repurposed rifle cartridge. This detail had probably been what’d taken the most work on his part but in the end he was more than pleased with the results, was certain Lance would be to, as evident in the smile curving his lips as he spoke.

“All that drinking and sunshine dries out your lips chéri. These should help with that, keep you kissable. Some of them are tinted to if you’re feeling flirty.”

The last was the only gift that he’d actually bothered to wrap. To hide. He’d wrapped it meticulously, kept the corners pristine. The paper was ocean blue, patterned with metallic designs. Tied with gold ribbon, topped in an immaculate bow. Inside was a simple white box, and below the lid, buried within more blue, delicate tissue paper was a driftwood picture frame. The frame scaled perfectly for the sketch portraying a memory Lance had described to him in detail from his childhood and coupled with his recall for the one picture Lance had, that he’d shown him upon asking. A picture of him in his boyhood and his mother.

The sketch had taken the whole day. Had been born from a deep rooted desire to somehow give Lance something of that day beyond what he held in his memory. To replicate the warmth he’d had in his tone when he’d spoken of Marianna, described her for him, how she’d been more of a mama to him than the one who’d actually given him life for the most part. 

A fact that the man himself had seemed content with upon it’s revealing but had cracked open something hot and hurting inside his throat, in his chest. Something that felt like tears. Was tears. Tears he’d furiously blinked away, turned his face & hid when Lance seemed to nearly notice. Had fallen free once home and he’d contemplated how his friend had learned to normalize loneliness. Normalize family being something you acted out for company and performed rather than actually had. Normalize not having any pictures of them in your home for everything family photos were meant to be and never had been for him. 

He hadn’t thought about it. Simply grabbed his sketch book, sat on the chaise in the corner of his living room, just beside the french doors that led out to his porch. The same ones that allowed sunlight in enough to warm him as he worked.

He’d let his hand skate across the page, pencil loose in his fingers, slowly, slowly, the shape of child Lance, the details of Marianna he’d given him coming to life. The profile of her face was hidden, back to the viewer’s sight as she turned, scanned the ocean debris at her feet, the tumble of soft sand in the churning wave line. Smile lingering at the corner of her lips. A peek of profile through her hair but only details, not her whole face. Curls tumbling down her back, the wind catching them, lifting a few stray tendrils. Pointing, reaching, directing a grinning Lance to another sea treasure she’d spotted for him to bring back home.

He wasn’t sure how many hours he’d spent on it; shading in her shadow on the sand, working to capture the gentle folds of of her sundress, capturing every detail Lance had told him about her. All he knew for certain was that it had been early noon when he’d started, and when he’d finally stopped the sun had already gone down. 

He didn’t color it. Knew he wouldn’t have to explain to Lance why. How sometimes the best and worst memories looked better in black and white? In the crisp shadows of grayscale, how if you tried to bring back too much you could lose it all? That a memory was its own breed of ghost? How he knew beyoind a doubt he could never capture the blue of the ocean, the warm shade of her eyes, the soft highlights of her hair. Like trying to pin down the wind. Same as capturing her visage without a picture, he didn’t dare attempt bringing the life of color to this memory. Didn’t want to trespass any further than he potentially had.

The smile from before fades, breath catching in his throat enough it hurts to swallow around. Makes him work to force words around his words, his feelings, how little room they leave for anything else.

“Really not good at telling people about how I feel about them when it really counts. Always preffered to show them instead so---.” the words trail off, and he reaches out a hand for the last gift, pushes it within Lance’s reach as his heart begins to hammer away at the cage his ribs suddenly are.

“Not sure if it’s anything like you remember but I wanted to do something for you. Something special. And this wouldn’t leave me alone till I finished it. Ended up drawing it the same day you told me about it. Really hope I didn’t fuck up.” He elects not to tell Lance he means in general, not just the sketch itself. 

“You mean----, a lot to me Lance. I don’t even have words for it and I have a few languages to choose from. Hasn’t helped. But I wanted you to know, wanted to show you. Anyways, happy birthday.”

       💸 ║ ❛   ————— It always overwhelms him a bit, all these feelings towards Joel and how observing he actually is. Definitely not a man he’s ever met before. And Lance had men before that showed interest in him, tried to promise him the world but in the end the motives were completely focused on the MONEY and lifestyle of the rich and famous. And it’s not like Lance never understood, money and luxury are things he himself enjoys the most as well. But that thought just always runs around his mind; people wouldn’t give a damn about someone like him if he didn’t have all the money, the cars and the big mansion. JOEL is a different kind of man though. Lance managed to convince himself that even if there wasn’t all this money and luxury, Joel would still be there. But most importantly, Joel IS actually here, between all these nice things and in the end all he cares about is putting the smile on Lance’s face. 

          Lance examines all the gifts while Joel goes off explaining the details. He does listen to what he has to say very carefully but his mind is telling him things. What is it that Joel sees in him that makes him so sure he’s deserving of these things. It only makes Lance notice that he’s only good at accepting gifts as long as he knows the person didn’t really put any effort into it. But all the effort Joel put into it, Lance doesn’t wanna ruin the good moment. Ruin it with his bad thoughts punishing him for feeling grateful for something he doesn’t quite deserve. He is pretty good at shutting his mind off if things make him too vulnerable, so that’s his solution.

          A bright smile forms on his lips while looking at all these nice things. Suddenly it just feels so warm inside him, almost pressuring as if there’s something he just has to let out. It’s just a feeling of genuine HAPPINESS that Joel manages to break free, and usually that feeling is archived once he’s had a few shots. No alcohol this time, there’s no need for it. Not even his mind is running to it. Blue eyes wander from all these beautiful gifts to Joel, only for a short moment though. He’s desperately trying to form a sentence in his head to not seem like a child who’s got all the presents it wished for. But talking, expressing himself is hard when he tries to not get over that spot of vulnerability. 

          ❝   Qué digo, qué digo.. Thank you, amorcito, honestly. I really don’t know what to say.   ❞  And just as he tries to fight his brain to throw out ANY WORDS, there is another gift coming. Joel seems much more nervous about it, much more emotional. Lance doesn’t wonder too long after he eventually unwrapped it and now examines this personal work. It just causes him to feel a lot of emotions, they just hit him like lightning, yet he’s QUIET for a moment. While there’s still this burst of happiness, there’s also an ache in his heart that’s not easy to handle. A picture like that doesn’t exist but when he looks at it it feels like there’s something real about it. Lance never had a picture of MARIANNA, but if he did he wouldn’t hide it away like he does with the picture of his own mother. Marianna deserves much more than what he’s able to give her. And the fact that Joel actually took the time to awake the memories in his heart does cause him to get very emotional about it. Things like that make him cry like a baby when he’s alone, so he’s really fighting some tears. He doesn’t wanna cry on his birthday.

         ❝   I can’t believe you did that. Man, soy demasiado emocional para esto. This is a lot. I love it.   ❞   At least he got out a little bit before his emotions make his eyes all watery. Still, he fights hard not to cry over it. So the best way to hide that is to simply throw his arms around the other man’s shoulders. The hug holds on for a moment until Lance interrupts it to place a kiss on Joel’s lips.    ❝   Merci, chérie.   ❞

[yyxgin]

dunnae worrae bestie ❣️ life gets in the way sometimes (and responsibilities)

okay so i just liked the kind of air to love alarm? idk it just made me feel like i was somewhere else bc i felt the production quality was that high. some of it was questionable i do agree w that but also song kang is total heart-eyes 😍 and meteor garden was sweet for like a minute each episode and the rest was me groaning in agony just wishing dong shancai would snipe daoming si’s mother. shancai did so much too?? like four episodes in she won a cooking competition against a girl who had literally been professionally training to impress one of the boys ✋ but shancai literally came from almost nothing. also — i’ve never been more frustrated w a drama than meteor garden like sis was literally dirt poor, came close to being evicted twice and her parents moved back to their fisherman hometown leaving her in shanghai (i think?) to make money bc they couldn’t afford the city but she had the newest phone 🛑✋

very early on in my kpop days i had no idea who to bias or however that worked and i was like ‘well i like stray kids i’ll just buy an album’ anyway one of the pc’s i pulled was a polaroid type thing for changbin and i said to my friend wow that’s such a boyfriend picture and that’s the story of how i ulted changbin. im so blasé about so much it’s worrying sometimes 🙀🙄✌️✌️ im not too bad about watching things. i used to struggle a lot but bc i’ve trained myself to read fast enough to see the subs and then flicker to the scene on screen so i don’t get bored. i do feel sometimes as if i am following when i’m looking at my phone but realistically i shouldn’t be this bold 😬

noice!! i’m still new to adulting but i’m p sure ive been at it for longer than i think. when i was fifteen and working in a hotel i was asked if when i was finished for the summer i was going back to uni 🤡 all i keep thinking about is finally having a job again and being able to spend an entire pay check on albums ngl i haven’t impulsively bought anything recently and i’m itching to be irresponsible w my money again 🤠 i know some girls who have preordered all the versions of dream and MAN am i tempted 😭😭😭 this is getting so out of hand at this point i’m going to have to strap myself to my bed until june this is not it ☹️

i have read for nct members certain members are more popular in like eastern us? i imagine it’s to encourage trading or to buy more albums so i could only guess that’s what’s happened to me w mamamoo 😭 theyre thé only gg i am properly into. i didn’t want to be thirsting over boys all the time bc... idk i just wanted some variation so mamamoo it was! twice is too many people for now (don’t even say but nct has 23, ik ik but i was only on my second group and i refused to acknowledge more than one unit for like 7 months bc i was scared) and blackpink has like 2 songs 🤡🤡 i added this bot called zephyr to my discord server and me and my friend roll for collectible kpop cards (it’s p neat and i’ve found groups i wouldn’t have been able to find myself otherwise) and she’s helped me discover so many groups! i think i was enjoying a fromis_9 song earlier <3

i’m always having good days these days 🥺 so i hope yours was good too!! also i don’t expect you to reply to these straight away (bc they’re unnecessarily long) i just try my best to reply straight away otherwise i’ll forget i even sent sumn in the first place! ~🌻

the production quality was definitely very high with love alarm, it looked so nice and aesthetic :(( but like,,the storyline ?? when they kissed in the first ep?? i- that was it for me. i couldnt watch it any longer. my best friend  finished it tho and i think she liked it,,so like-- fair.

PLEAAASE METEOR GARDEN SOUNDS SO MESSY i lowkey wanna watch it just for the shits and giggles now,,i can’t,,, like the cooking competition? that sounds like a fucking disney channel plot to a movie. i am all here for it tho

YOU HAVE A CHANGBIN POLAROID OKAY BESTIE I AM ON MY WAY TO ROB YOU NOW. DROP YOUR ADDRESS,,,DEADASS. AAAAH also i am bad at watching things to the point when i forget to turn on the subtitles sometimes and then get surprised when i dont understand a shit anD THATS when i realise somethings wrong. 

i am so new to adulting pls,, this is my first part time job and i also didn’t have a bank account until literally today. i am a babie,, i couldn’t even do things by myself like i can’t fucking order for myself in the restaurant because i am socially anxious hihi. bUT i figured working with people might help me get rid of that and i am also fullfiling my childhood dream of working behind the cash register now, so that’s cool. the only thing i need now is to graduate, go to uni and do my driver’s licence and then i’ll be adulting for real imo

i am really good with money surprisingly?? i dont spend much, because i dont have money lmao and when i do i keep it because i just like the thought of having money and not the actual spending. YOUR FRIEND BOUGHT ALL THE VERSIONS OF THE DREAM ALBUM??? LOWKEY ME FDKAJ no but fr i think i’m just gonna order the boring version once i start working because it fits my aesthetic the most and i love the concept photos. also if i pull that one specific renjun photocard i might just cry my eyes out but i’ll be happy with anyone bc i literally ult the entirity of dream at this point. 

ooh i dont really enjoy the sound of girlgroups i think ?? i need some noise if you know what i mean :( im not into like chill songs that much. bUT uhh i like itzy and i am gay for them pls. i also havent listened to their comeback yet so i am a fake fan i guess but i’ll fix that soon i prOMISE

i am doing well and i am also glad you are doing well !! <3 your asks make me so happy dfjka i finally dont feel as invisible on this stupid site lmao. also thanks for understanding that i dont reply that quick, but i tend to just uhh leave things be for a while ?? like i get a message and i dont always reply straight away for some reason. but yea. thank you !! <3

[dontexpecttomakesense]

Well I finally have my thoughts in order about the bojack finale. I won’t lie, while I was aware of the existence of this show I didn’t actually watch it until Season 6 Par 1 aired. Still I became hooked and I have developed my own opinions about the show it’s characters and how all of it ended.

A Read More bacause spoilers, obviously.

First of all let’s get out of the way what I didn’t like about the final part of the season, those are 2 things:

How Hollyhock was handled: While I undderstand why the character would act that way, I feel that her fast and fade-out way to leave the show didn’t provide us with enough catharsis with what was in stake. While it’s ok is characters in-universe not to get closure, for the audiece not to get closure can be a dangerous thing, and this is what happened here with her. To a point it even felt that the writers didn’t actually know what to do with her, even if she had been set up for that.

Mr. Peanutbutter arc should’ve been have been more fleshed out: FOr full transparency I will admit that Mr. PB is, for some odd reason, my favourite character in the show. But I still thing that his character arc while good needed more fleshing out. Maybe they sould have made the breakup something else than an off-screen text message.

With that said, I LOVED the major themes in each of the main characters arcs.

Todd got to reconect with his mother, as well as to demonstrate that he can handle responsabilities like a job or housing. The handling of his asexuality has alway been a soft spot for me, as I’m not used to being represented, and then to be represented by someone who is asexual but that he’s repected by that and that his pursuit for romantic fullfillment is not shot down under the assumntion that since he’s asexual he must not be into that either is very fullfilling.

Princess Caroline. Her’s has been a long road towards finding love, and someone whom to share her life with. She has been close to finding it, only to be ruined by her need to be self-sufficient in everything. This is the season where first, she learend to delegate in the workplace, to be able to take good care of her daughter, while simultaniously delegate some of her house-hold duties to Todd as a nanny to not having to sacrifice all of her career. In part 2 she finally learns to let herself be emotionally suported and finds a boyfriend in Judas, whom she eventually marries.

Mr. Peanutbutter finally, finally learns how to find fullfillment outside of relationships. This, as his conversation with Diane reveals, allows hit to finally have a concept of “ME” wich goes tied with Diane’s understanding of the concept of “US”, wich is what allows both to remain friends at the end of the series in spite of their failed marriage and relationship problems. Also I finf a very nice touch how in the last episode he mentions that he’s going to therapy to examine all of the issues that come form his desire to find fullfillment in the opinion of others, he knows that thos behaviors are unhealthy and is trying to find a way to improve.

Diane, what a charater she is. Seeing her journey all throught the series and how her relationship with Bojack and how the relationship change and it also changed them was amazing. But I think that the main arc for her during this season, specially during part 2, was about overcoming her pride, that her pain and misery unfortunately didn’t make her special, or set her to make some grandiose socially meaningful change. That sometimes just making a mudane thing is the best way to move forward, because even if those things are mudane, it doesn’t mean they cannot impact in a positive way.

And finally, the man(or horse?) of the hour. BoJack. I like that he didn’t die. Otherwhise, it would’ve been a rather disapointing to the overall themes of the series. HIs death would’ve been a tragic cop out, but a cop out nontheless, as he wouldn’t have really faced concequences. By living he does, he lives with Hollyhock cutting him from her life, with one, or the only, acomplishment of his life erasing him completely, and finally Diane moves one and they finish their friendship.

The last episode feels like a culmination of everything that has been happening on the show, and adequately if focuses on the 5 main characters exclusively. Interestingly I realized that Bojack interacts with them in a decreasing orther of limits in their relationship:

The first one is Mr. Peanutbutter, who is assures that he will be with him inconditionally (unless Erica is nearby). Makes sense that he’s the one that is most close to him as he’s the one that has suffered the least because of Bojack’s unhealthy and toxic beahviours, so he’s the least burned. It also makes reference to how in spite of it all they can actually get along surprisingly well in spiete of both having very self centerd personalities.

Then comes Todd, whom he still mantaina solid and close frienship but he ow can stand for himself and put limits to how far BoJack is allowed to go. Todd doesn’t like “old BoJack” and he won’t be afraid to let it know. But for “new BoJack” he’s there to help him for whatever he needs.

Princes Caroline is the following, they mantain a candid relationship, but she has to put limits as she implies that she won’t work for him anymore. Of course she still her friend (and one of the oldest he has) so she will help fins someone who can represent him.

The last is Diane. She’s to one that has put more limits to the relationship, essentially endig it. But it’s for the best, for her and for him. It’s interesting how her lines about people who are no longer in you life but that without them you wouldn’t be the person you are works both for her and BoJack’s relationship, but also for her’s and Mr. Peanutbutter’s, showcasing that the same instance can have both happy or sad endings.

And after that, a long unconforable minute of silence and the series ends. A happy ending. That makes you sad.

It was good while it lasted.

Ideed it was.

[thefloatingstone]

Somebody asked me for some anime recs. I asked them what kind of genres they’re into but I’m not getting a reply, so here are just some general recommendations for good stuff to watch.

I assume they meant new anime so I’m only focusing on those.

Made in Abyss (2017) (warning for Body horror, violence and gore)

The Abyss—a gaping chasm stretching down into the depths of the earth, filled with mysterious creatures and relics from a time long past. How did it come to be? What lies at the bottom? Countless brave individuals, known as Divers, have sought to solve these mysteries of the Abyss, fearlessly descending into its darkest realms. The best and bravest of the Divers, the White Whistles, are hailed as legends by those who remain on the surface.

Riko, daughter of the missing White Whistle Lyza the Annihilator, aspires to become like her mother and explore the furthest reaches of the Abyss. However, just a novice Red Whistle herself, she is only permitted to roam its most upper layer. Even so, Riko has a chance encounter with a mysterious robot with the appearance of an ordinary young boy. She comes to name him Reg, and he has no recollection of the events preceding his discovery. Certain that the technology to create Reg must come from deep within the Abyss, the two decide to venture forth into the chasm to recover his memories and see the bottom of the great pit with their own eyes. However, they know not of the harsh reality that is the true existence of the Abyss.

Pros:

Ghibli artists working on the backgrounds and environments

likeable characters

crushing atmosphere

incredible world building

Really compelling mysteries

Very emotional

Cons:

The manga its based on has a lot of lolicon bullshit. But the anime has doneits best to either remove or downplay those elements as childhood innocence rather than the author being a creep

Ends without clear answers as we have to wait for season 2

Not for you if you dislike violence or body horror

That Time I got Reincarnated as a Slime (2018)

Thirty-seven-year-old Satoru Mikami is a typical corporate worker, who is perfectly content with his monotonous lifestyle in Tokyo. In the midst of a casual encounter with his colleague, a knife weilding maniac attacks them. Satoru, in shielding his co-worker and his co-worker’s new girlfriend, is fatally stabbed, and dies.

And then he wakes up again. But now, in the body of a blob of slime. In doing so, he acquires newfound skills—notably, the power to devour anything and mimic its appearance and abilities. He then stumbles upon the sealed Catastrophe-level monster "Storm Dragon" Veldora who had been sealed away for the past 300 years for devastating a town to ashes. Sympathetic to his predicament, Satoru befriends him, promising to assist in destroying the seal. In return, Verudora bestows upon him the name Rimuru Tempest to grant him divine protection.

With a goal now, the newly named Rimuru sets out to explore this fantasy world, stumbling into situations where other people need help, and since finding ways to live peacefully is much less hassle, Rimuru does his best to settle conflicts and help people to get along. Mostly because he’s got nothing better to do.

Pros:

Likeable, chilled out protagonist who acts and behaves like an adult

Not the average wish-fullfilment harem-in-disguise type stuff you expect from the average Isekai show

Characters focusing on trying to help each other and be kind without coming across as cheesy or unrealistic

Fun powers and “how are you gonna fix this mess?” situations

Cons:

occasional anime tiddy

Mob Psycho 100 (2016) (If you’ve seen season 1 already then watch season 2)

An Eighth-grader Shigeo "Mob" Kageyama is possibly the most powerful psychic on earth. Which is the only thing he has going for him which, in his opinion, isn’t much. Due to his powers going crazy if he gets overwhelmed by his emotions, Mob has spent his life suppressing his feelings, both negative and positive. As a result, however, Mob is an extremely socially awkward and shy person who struggles to connect to people.

The story follows Mob as he tries to find ways to better himself as a person, aided by the fake psychic Reigen who both uses Mob’s real psychic powers to exorcise ghosts, but also uses his fake con-man skill of charming people and being a smooth talker to help people fix their problems rather than have them rely on a psychic for help. He also acts as a mentor to Mob, not on how to be a better psychic, but on how to mature into a good, capable person. Because according to Reigen “Having psychic powers is just a skill. Some people can run fast, some people can can sing well, some people are good at studying, some people are funny, and some people have psychic powers.”

Now if only the assortment of Cult leaders, Ghosts, Secret organizations and Powerful psychics trying to take over the world could leave him alone.

Pros:

A subversion of the “I must get stronger!” shounen story where the character is already the strongest and needs to focus on being a better person instead.

Probably the best animated show to come out in years

Good uplifting morals

A wacky off-beat art style and sense of humour

Genuinely complex and 3 dimensional characters who are likeable

Really relatable in many ways

Cons:

I can’t think of any tbh

Then we have anime I have on my “to watch” list and come highly recommended but I haven’t seen yet. But I want to recommend them anyway

A Place Further Than The Universe  (2018)

a “Cute Girls Doing Cute Things” show.

Filled with an overwhelming sense of wonder for the world around her, Mari Tamaki has always dreamt of what lies beyond the reaches of the universe. However, despite harboring such large aspirations on the inside, her fear of the unknown and anxiety over her own possible limitations have always held her back from chasing them. But now, in her second year of high school, Mari is more determined than ever to not let any more of her youth go to waste. Still, her fear continues to prevent her from taking that ambitious step forward—that is, until she has a chance encounter with a girl who has grand dreams of her own. Spurred by her mother's disappearance, Shirase Kobuchizawa has been working hard to fund her trip to Antarctica. Despite facing doubt and ridicule from virtually everyone, Shirase is determined to embark on this expedition to search for her mother in a place further than the universe itself. Inspired by Shirase's resolve, Mari jumps at the chance to join her. Soon, their efforts attract the attention of the bubbly Hinata Miyake, who is eager to stand out, and Yuzuki Shiraishi, a polite girl from a high class background. Together, they set sail toward the frozen south.

The Promised Neverland (2019) (warning for violence and gore)

Surrounded by a forest and a gated entrance, the Grace Field House is inhabited by orphans happily living together as one big family, looked after by their "Mama," Isabella. Although they are required to take tests daily, the children are free to spend their time as they see fit, usually playing outside, as long as they do not venture too far from the orphanage—a rule they are expected to follow no matter what. However, all good times must come to an end, as every few months, a child is adopted and sent to live with their new family... never to be heard from again. However, the three oldest siblings have their suspicions about what is actually happening at the orphanage, and they are about to discover the cruel fate that awaits the children living at Grace Field, including the twisted nature of their beloved Mama.

Zombieland Saga (2018)

There’s a good chance you might have heard or seen this one floating around tumblr as its one of the really big, really popular anime to have come out that features a trans main character written and presented in a positive light.

Zombieland Saga is both a satirical parody of Idol anime, a complete embracing of what makes idol anime enjoyable, and a criticism of how the Idol industry treat women and young girls. A lot of the girls in the idol group are the complete opposite of what is considered a “good Idol” from one girl being trans, one girl having been an Oiran many many years ago (a historic proffession for women where they play instruments, perform tea ceremonies and entertain paying guests. As well as being very high class prostitutes) as well as debating and comparing the ideal of an Idol as they were seen in the 80s versus the modern interpretation.

Zombieland Saga is at both times the complete antithesis of everything an Idol anime should be, while also being one of the best examples of the genre at the same time. It also features really well written characters with emotional depth and arcs to them and boasts a lot of good humour to boot.

Yuru Camp△  (2018)

Another “Cute Girls Doing Cute things” anime

While the perfect getaway for most girls her age might be a fancy vacation with their loved ones, Rin Shima's ideal way of spending her days off is camping alone at the base of Mount Fuji. From pitching her tent to gathering firewood, she has always done everything by herself, and has no plans of leaving her little solitary world. However, what starts off as one of Rin's usual camping sessions somehow ends up as a surprise get-together for two when the lost Nadeshiko Kagamihara is forced to take refuge at her campsite. Originally intending to see the picturesque view of Mount Fuji for herself, Nadeshiko's plans are disrupted when she ends up falling asleep partway to her destination. Alone and with no other choice, she seeks help from the only other person nearby. Despite their hasty introductions, the two girls nevertheless enjoy the chilly night together, eating ramen and conversing while the campfire keeps them warm. And even after Nadeshiko's sister finally picks her up later that night, both girls silently ponder the possibility of another camping trip together.

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai (2018)

You’re gonna look at this gif and that title and think this is some Light-Novel sexy fantasy wish fullfillment bullshit, but I absolutely assure you it’s not.

The rare and inexplicable Puberty Syndrome is thought of as a myth. It is a rare disease which only affects teenagers, and its symptoms are so supernatural that hardly anyone recognizes it as a legitimate occurrence. However, high school student Sakuta Azusagawa knows from personal experience that it is very much real, and happens to be quite prevalent in his school. Mai Sakurajima is a third-year high school student who gained fame in her youth as a child actress, but recently halted her promising career for reasons unknown to the public. With an air of unapproachability, she is well known throughout the school, but none dare interact with her—that is until Sakuta sees her wandering the library in a bunny girl costume. Despite the getup, no one seems to notice her, and after confronting her, he realizes that she is another victim of Puberty Syndrome. Mai’s unapproachability and air of not wanting to interact with people has manifested that it is now borderline impossible for people to physically notice her. Or in some cases see her at all. As Sakuta tries to help Mai through her predicament, his actions bring him into contact with more girls afflicted with the elusive disease.

Bunny Girl Senpai is an anime that deals with Societal pressures, especially as they apply to teenagers, as well as being a criticism of the Japanese mentality of “not rocking the boat” and in dutifully conforming and falling in line with what society dictates is “proper behavior”. It has the running theme that this mentality of just accepting the way things are and not doing anything to change it is unhealthy, and does more harm than good.

Dororo (2019) (warning for violence and Gore)

A samurai lord has bartered away his newborn son's organs to forty-eight demons in exchange for dominance on the battlefield. Yet, the abandoned infant survives thanks to a medicine man who equips him with primitive prosthetics—lethal ones with which the wronged son will use to hunt down the multitude of demons to reclaim his body one piece at a time, before confronting his father. On his journeys the young hero encounters an orphan who claims to be the greatest thief in Japan. 

An anime adaptation of one of Osamu Tezuka’s manga, but deciding to go for an updated, darker art style to match its mature tone.

Dororo is currently still airing but so far reviews are extremely high.

Anyway I hope those are enough to give you at least one new show to check out.

[tumblunni]

Rambling about my new watchholder oc Mallory

* absolute gremlin child. Eats dirt. Probably more of a monster than most of the yokai.

* at the same time tho, she is like super sunshine friend! She looks kinda gloomy ominous but her personality is actually super bubbly and her biggest priority in life is making new yokai friends and loving them forever. Like, creepy in a wholesome way? She does indeed love horror movies and creepy crawlies and could probably fistfight god, but that doesnt mean she's evil!

* kinda always bored but also easily exciteable? One of her biggest recurring jokes is just ignoring the normal or sane solution to a thing and doing something more fun even if its more difficult or dangerous. Actually i guess its more "fearless" than bored? Or bored of fear, lol. Fearless and doesnt really give a shit about any rules. But again not in a mean way, she doesnt break rules because she wants to piss people off, just like "im not gonna believe this if nobody bothers explaining why its supposed to be so important". But not exactly phrased like that cos that would be rude, lol. So uhh more like just relateable autism feel of not grasping social cues but mixed with a personality thats quite outgoing and uncaring of being judged poorly for not being normal, as opposed to me who's always worried about what people think.

* oh wait thats the word for it!! Free-spirited! Trickster! Like a peter pan type of trickster tho, more than loki. Like just "i am naturally outside the obligations of normalcy" rather than "i am intentionally trying to prank/illusion/manipulate people cos its funny". Or uhh i guess "manic pixie dream girl" but without all the stupid shit that trope has got associated with.

* pretty much just wish fullfillment of "what if i was confident enough to not care what people think and just act like myself no matter what"

* anyway in summary she likes to climb trees n stuff and her reaction to yokai being real is "yay" and her reaction to seeing an undefeatable giant kaiju is to run at it and try and suplex it with her bare hands. She's kind of a badass! Tho lol also her biggest character flaw is her badassness, cos she can be reckless due to the lack of fear. But then also sometimes when everyone is hopeless she really does manage to save the day no matter what, and help inspire everyone else to be brave too!

* though i'm thinking of maybe a character arc where she starts off seeing this as just a fun adventure with no stakes, and it doesnt matter if you take risks cos nobody's gonna get hurt anyway. Like a "this isnt really real, its just my hero's story" sort of thing? When things start getting more dark and she faces things she cant just defeat with simple optimism, it kinda stops being fun anymore. And she has to realize that even if she doesnt care about her own self preservation there's consequences that could happen to her friends and family. And maybe she's already made mistakes that she can't take back, and now she's neck deep in a conflict thats a lot bigger and more insurmountable than she thought. You can't just fistfight something like the abstract concept of hatred for humanity which will continue to be perpetuated as long as the idea keeps taking root. And maybe even yokai you befriended could start to believe it too, after all you've kinda been treating them as just fun toys and sidekicks on a story that's all about you, and dragging them into danger with your recklessness. Even though you're fighting the villains, are you really doing it because you actually care about saving the day? Do you even know what you're saving it from...?

* and similar to her unflappable victoryness being shaken, i think her fearlessness and confidence could also be deeper than they look on the surface. I feel like maybe as the story goes on it could be revealed that its less being fearless and more just not caring about her own safety. You start to see her get more actual consequences from her fights, and it starts to become sort of concerning that she keeps brushing it off as no big deal. Laughing it off. Wondering why her friends are even sad that she got hurt. And maybe she isnt really happy all the time and 100% secure in who she is, she just tries to hide any signs of doubt because she feels like nobody would care. And that she has to always be the funny class clown or else nobody would want to be her friend. And like.. She doesnt even really believe that she's great, believe that she's fine as she is. She's more aware of her weirdness than she lets on. She's constantly, paralyzingly aware that everyone thinks she's a freak. She did use to try and change herself to fit in, but she kept failing at it and it never helped her get any friends. Or when she did think she made a friend they'd turn on her whenever she slipped up and showed a crack in her mask of the perfect normal person. The perfect normal person they wanted her to be.. Constantly changing into WHATEVER anyone wanted her to be. The only reason she doesnt do that anymore is that she lost all hope in it working, not that she actually gained confidence in her true self. And even when she's npt conciously doing it she's still subconciously trying to be what people want her to be. She has to always be funny, always be fearless, she has to cling to the few parts of her weirdness that people dont seem to hate. And now she has to be the hero. She has to carry all the dreams of everyone she's met along the way, while never letting them know when she's scared she wont be able to help make them come true. She's always just laughing it off and never being fully open with any of her friends, because she's scared they'll hate her. ..

* so uhh.. Yeah. Personal experience of that. Personal experience of trying to fit into negative stereotypes of autism because thats what everyone saw me as no matter how hard i tried, and also it was the only form of autism theyd treat positively, somehow. Like just be the "funny one" and dont challenge any of their assumptions ans they'll leave you in relative peace. Put up with some degree of degredation to avoid the even worse version. And i was doing all of this at a very youbg age before i even knew i was autistic or what autism was, but i could still feel how people treated me differently and how i had to friggin agree with it or else they'd never let it go. Gahhh.. It was all way too complicated and dark for a kid to understand!

* so yeah anyway her story arc is going from being a badass funny to being a funny badass? Like she just becomes more genuinely tough and cool when she's not always winning and the stakes dont seem so low and comical AND most importantly you know her real feelings and see that she will indeed continue fighting even when she's scared. And she doesnt try so hard to be cool all the time so it just lets her be more genuine. And form actual relationships with everyone with genuine feelings. So its less "she is badass because its funny" and more "she is a badass because she's a badass". But she's still funny, just in more varied ways than simply "the only reason she won this fight so fast is because jokes". Fighting legit threatening enemies in fights that arent over in five seconds. So they can contain... SEVERAL joke..!!! And also some actual fighting for once!!

* hhh i dunno i am very tired im probably not explaining this well

* oh and i think possibly she has a bit of a complex of feeling she's nothing without her yokai watch? Like the yokai are her first friends who never abandoned her. And she always felt like she was useless and it was her own fault that she didnt have any friends. She first started off being all irreverent and goofy when she got the yokai watch cos she was well into her "i dont care anymore" phase of depression and felt certain these new friends would all realise she was awful eventually and leave, so like.. Why get attatched? Just have fun while it lasts. So maybe actually she shows early signs of her depression by trying harder to be normal whenever anyone shows her friendship. Maybe something where she starts straigjtening her hair or dressing more feminine and then you just see this look on her face like her heart has shattered when someone agrees that she does look better now. (Maybe a new yokai she recently caught who was like super cool and she wanted to impress them?) And she gets compulsively obsessed with it, exaggerating it to a ridiculous degree and starting to change other parts of her appearance and everyone goes from giggling about this weird circumstance to getting REALLY DAMN CONCERNED! And in the end something something the yokai who was an asshole abput her needing to be more feminine slips up and shows his true assy colours to the other yokai and theyre like IT WAS YOU and he's like "what? You should be thanking me for fixing your shitty trainer!" And Then Everyone Beats Him Up Forever. Etc etc moral that real friends accept you for who you are and anyone who tells you you have to change to impress them is not worth impressing. Also maybe some aspect where the yokai dude thinks that mallory is trying to impress him cos she has a crush on him, and thats the moment that manages to snap her out of her depressive funk. Self hate overrided by sheer EWW NO IM A LESBIAN, DUDE i just liked ur cool hat, geez. (Wait was that entire plot idea just an excuse to find a way to foreshadow her getting a crush on hailey in yw3...?)

* and maybe i dunno some sort of dramatic episode where she loses the ability to use the yokai watch and is faced with her self worth issues all at once and its super fuckin sad and we all know eventually she will get to see all her yokai friends again cos the plots not gonna end before finishing all the games but still MEGA SUPER SAD MOMENT ANYWAY (also tearful reunions!)

* also i just heard theres a yokai called furgus thats a big adorable hairball that gives people big hair. So maybe that could be one of the comically easy victory episodes? He uses his power on mallory but her hair is already too fluffy to be floofed! Maybe it backfires and turns his own hair into a boring bowl cut, lol? And then maybe a sequel where he returns for revenge a million episodes later but it just so happens to be during the maddiman boss fight and he accidentally cures his balding. "Noooo dont thank me nooooo" *is forced against his will to become a popular advertosing mascot for hair cream* *like straight up just gets sucked into the nearest bottle and sealed like a genie* *cursed forever to fame and fortune and a million dollar salary*

* lol i dont think im as funny as the actual yokai watch writers but i have a few ideas at least. This will be fun to draw!

[jkid4]

After four years of being a sole provider to my unemployed parents, they finally have a job

After four years of being a sole provider to my unemployed parents, they finally have a job. More specifically, my mom has a job now. It's in a city government in Prince Georges County, Maryland. It does not pay that much but it's more than enough to pay the rent and the basics without my help. If they need help paying the rent it would be for 100 or 200 dollars. So the good news is that they are not in danger of being homeless anymore, if they can get their first paycheck next month.

​

The bad news is that she won't get paid until later next month. Believe it or not I do have a case manager for my situation who actually suggested that I apply for a crisis grant. That happened when I told the manager that we got a cutoff notice for the water bill, and the water fund that is managed by the WSSC was depleted until 2 weeks after the cut-off date. She told us that if I pay the water bill, she will help me pay the rent.

​

We tried to get it for two months, but the process is taking a long time to complete. So we are actually behind in paying the rent by 15 days. I do check back periodically though but the it does not speed up the process.

​

I've also applied for Social Security Disability, but it will take me 3 months to get approved. And there's a good chance I will get denied anyway and forced to appeal, even if I give them documentation, so it could be extended for a year.

​

There is a job opportunity with Amazon with AWS I've been working on for weeks, but it's stuck in recruiter hell. So deep in recruiter hell that even the person in HR who tried scheduling in another unrelated job with Amazon for a Linux Systems Engineer can't reach the recruiter at all, so she is actively avoiding me and the HR person.

​

Today marks one year of unemployment from my tech job at the USPTO as a federal contractor. If I was not laid off and I was not screwed and dicked around by people that were supposed to help me and do their jobs from this date: recruiters, hiring managers, people who I networked with, even a startup manager. I would be looking forward to move out from my parents

​

I would be still have Verizon FiOS and would plan to restart my streaming plans. I would be looking forward to MAGFest and Katsucon. I would be looking forward to visiting NYC again. I would look forward to having my own place and be in control of my own life.

​

But sadly the damage has been done. Three of my credit cards are in default, and 4th already on it's way to defaulting. 5 months behind renewing my unemployment deferment papers for student loans. I get phone calls from credit cards, and from Verizon regarding their bills on a weekly sometimes daily basis. Also I have to work with barely any money coming my way.

​

And even then all the opportunities I could have taken: socially, economically, and relationship wise are closed. for the 4 years I've been forced to support my parents, I was not able to achieve any life milestones that most people take for granted. At this point it's irreversible because once you're 30, no matter how many times they insist that it's not true, you're not wanted. American society does not want people who didn't fullfill The Lifescript for any reason, even if it's outside of their control to participate in it

​

At this point my credit has been completely shot and will take YEARS to recover if I can get a full time job. Instead, I'm stuck at a Temp Warehouse job, it's on call so even though I'm scheduled monday via friday there are times that there's no work so I have to stay home. So in practice a 1400 dollar monthly paycheck is actually around 1000 dollars. The social security office actually told me I have to work part time, effectiely 1,100 dollars a month in order to be eligible for social security (SSI/SSDI). Since my temp job pays 11.50 per hour, going to work everyday they call me in will cause me not to be eligible. Essentially I can only work 9 to 10 days per month to be under the 1,100 dollar limit.

​

If GOP or Dems win the midterms, it will make matters worse either way. The amount of vote shaming and job shaming will just push me to even stop working entirely, give up working or having a life, and just be a shut-in for my mental health. The thought of doing so kept coming to me It would be a lot easier to do so if I had the money to do so, but I don't.

​

I'm right now suffering from cognitive issues along with worsening speech impairment, fatigue, and other health issues because my mind has been on financial and emotional survival mode for years. I've been suffering from this for years. It was even difficult to deflect or avoid confrontation with my parents when they ask for small amounts of money per week or ask me to buy stuff that I can't actually afford, it takes a lot of energy to do so. So at the same time I feel numb, completely numb. I'm unable to feel happy about the fact that my mom has a job. Even as I did express genuine congratulations to her, at the same time I was showing and giving mianzi or “face” to them. My parents life is looking up now, but mine is practically dead, more so with the slow collapse of socio-economics in this country which makes it difficult for people who don't have guanxi or already in the society to move up or maintain their lives.

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A lot of people will see me as a “good man”,”noble”,”great man” for helping, but these same people will not help me on my feet either since I'm done financially caretaking, because they don't actually about what I went through or my parents at all. For the past four years I've been seeking help and explaining my situation, I learned that almost basically take things that are ruined for me for granted. Everything. So much that I'm practically alienated from american society, pushed away from it, and I don't belong at all and I can't relate to people at all who don't have to deal with the same situation I had to four years.

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The only people I can relate to for all intents and purposes are caretakers who after their parents died from illness are unemplyoable, impoverished, and alienated from society, and anime convention goers. No seriously, anime conventions are the last places for me on the outside society so to speak, because everything else has been politicized, cliqued up, or closed for those who are outside The Lifescript. For me it's the only escape from a world gone politically insane since November 2016.

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If my parents got this job when I still emplyoed or if I had a job with any job with a decent wage, I would be celebrating. But I'm not. The only thing I can do is just tell my story and ask for help, and just exist so other people won't be upset.

[miraimisu]

Blanket Pals

[Read at FF.net]

[Read at AO3.]

Summary: the blanket was shared, his voice, warmth and aroma fleeting all around her. Their eyes stared at the movie in front of them, but all they could see was each other, lost in a sea of emotions they couldn't put a name on, herself lost in his licking flames and him, lost in the night sky of her eyes, sinking until he couldn't breathe.

 Rating: T

 Word count: 25.299 /faints, I'm breaking records wtf

 Author's note: Ok so I am here again with a SUPER LIGHTHEARTED FIC FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT because I enjoye Kacchako so much? And uh, I write long stuff, IT'S MY JAM NOW! It's a bit messy too? BUT EVERYONE LIKES MESSY STUFF AM I RIGHT? :D /silently hopes you do Bear with me, because I love this fandom and it's not gonna be the last of me! I WILL THRIVE!

So I have to give credit to @ everyone who has sent me any ask, any reblog, any new follower, any like, anything. Anybody who reads this mess is fucking credited because I LOVE THIS FANDOM?? So ou guys know who you are, fam. I made the wise decision to upload at FF.net first for those souls who can’t read this here. Also, don’t expect the same quality from the other fic. That’s impossible to beat, fam. And it’s not that good /derp

I don’t like this. It was so hard to write and I STRUGGLED SO MUCH YOU GUYS WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES

Warnings: roller coaster ahead. It's gonna crush you.

It all started with a silly petition– the most extra of conversations in the most extra of scenarios.

“Yo, Uraraka.”

As soon as she registered who the voice belonged to, her whole form turned around to face the ashen blonde boy. His usually knit brow only deepened after seeing the weight in her arms. “What the fuck are you doing with that stupid hat– and what’s with that dirt all over you?”

Uraraka opened her mouth to explain that he was also supposed to be participating in that damn harvest activity with the other classes, that he should be making some social life apart of his loyal friend Kirishima and his animal hands– but as words were going to leave her mouth, she just decided to drop it, and sighed.

“Good afternoon to you, too.” she smiled at him, turned and proceeded her way. “Is there anything you need from me?”

Surprisingly, Bakugou trailed behind her, scratching the back of his neck. “Well, yeah.” that perked her interest, so she stopped in her tracks. Her round eyes peeked and looked at him in pure curiosity. It didn’t usually happen that Katsuki Bakugou – Jerk Explosion Murder for his… friends? (if he had any apart from Kirishima) – chased after anyone, especially if that someone was close friends with his mortal enemy.

“It’s not like I fucking need anything from you, don’t make misleading assumptions.” grumbled he, frowning and all with his hands deep in his pockets. His forehead was glistening with sweat. “That damn nerd redhead has sent me over to you. He wants us to have a movie night.”

Uraraka blinked. Once, then twice, until she started to freak Bakugou out. The basket almost fell off her arms and he swore he had broken her. “You mean, as in, like, the two of us?”

A mad blush spread throughout his pale face, eyes darting everywhere but her round face. If he looked at her he’d lose all the courage he had been building up. “The fuck, Uraraka? Of course not! Please, I thought you were damn smart.”

Uraraka left the basket by her feet, starting to lose her cool against the guy. Like, she had no problem hanging out with Kirishima, none at all– but Bakugou was a different story, a mess of anger and frustration in a neat package. She had no idea how to deal with Bakugou for an hour, imagine two or three. Arms crossed, her brow furrowed. “Well, then word your intentions correctly!”

“Look, fine, whatever.” spat Bakugou. His red irises burnt against hers. “Kirishima wants the three of us to hang out, like, seeing some damn movies at the common room tonight. He said he thinks you’re cool and stuff and he has never had the opportunity or some shit– and I still don’t know why I’m fucking drawn to this plan, but whatever.”

The prospect of a night with Kirishima sounded solid enough to her. It was true that they did get along and had never spent much time with each other. Clearly they could use some bonding time, even if it meant spending time with a potential psychopath. And don’t get her wrong, she actually cares for Bakugou– but spending quality time with him sounded like a hard challenge.

However, it was weird that Kirishima himself hadn’t come to her and asked himself.

Uraraka turned her head and searched for the redhead with her eyes– ah there he was, helping Tsuyu out with some strawberries. Oh, he was waving at her! Uraraka flashed a big smile and waved back, picking the basket up afterwards.

“Sounds like a good plan.” answered she, and saw Bakugou deflate of relief. Did it really take that much effort to him to go and ask her? What a weirdo. “I’ll be there. Just please make sure Kirishima doesn’t pick extremely violent movies, or very cheesy ones.”

“Does horror sound good? Or does the miss have any more requests?” his tone was so sarcastic and acid that the brunette was unimpressed, but feigned offense.

Uraraka frowned and spun around, chin high and pout present. “You can be such a pain sometimes, Bakugou.”

His fist rose up to the air, the air around them dangerously heating up. “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, ANGELFACE?”

Kaminari, who was walking by along with Jiro, sighed in resignation. “Not this again.”

Uraraka still felt the ashen blonde following her, sensing his anger physically come out of his body, and turned around. His hands were closed in fists, as if he’d dare punch her in front of so many witnesses. “Horror sounds good. And please stop screaming.”

Bakugou dug his feet in the ground, trying to be civil with his soon-to-be movie buddy. “Then stop bitching. I’ll get some horror movies, or something– like I cared!”

She stomped her way to him and started throwing carrots to him. “If you didn’t care why would you ask, you–?”

The carrots came back to her, hitting her on the face and dirtying her more if it was possible. “Watch who you’re picking a fight with, you bitch!”

She was about to go and take out all his intestines, brains, hairs– just destroy him like she knew she could, make him go flying to some other dimension where is presence was required, when four arms came to seize her. “Uraraka-san, please stop the ruckus!” pleaded Deku, his grimace evident even when she couldn’t see him.

Upon feeling his voice near her, she instantly calmed down. However, her eyes still wanted to eat the ashen blonde alive. “What nerve, to come attack me when he’s the one inviting me over!”

Iida, the other restraint, pushed her back. Bakugou muttered something along the lines of a farewell and made his way to Kirishima and Tsuyu. Uraraka glared at his neck with a pointed look, growling. “That guy…” breath in, breath out. Once the boys felt her calming down, they slowly let go of her. Uraraka sighed. “Sorry for that.”

Deku looked at her, impressed by her sudden outburst. And he wasn’t impressed in a good way. In fact, Uraraka felt his disapproval in his eyes and she instantly felt ashamed. “What was all that about, Uraraka-san?”

She cleaned her uniform of any dust and growled. “Bakugou happened.” once again, she picked her basket up. “And I’m just so tired of taking these from one place to another. He didn’t choose a good moment to pick up on me.”

Uraraka marched towards the truck where the veggies were being charged and just let the basket drop. She cleaned her forehead clean and looked ahead: there were still many portions of land to harvest, and everyone was working hard– she must do so as well, help and do her job! She rolled up her shirt sleeves and smiled to the horizon.

However, her face resulted in a heavily shadowed face with a smile and a frown, half mad at the explosive teen and half happy about the prospect of working with her friends.

Deku and Iida looked at each other, terrified of what their friend was up to.

And that’s how this madness started.

When she saw what had been set up for the movie night, Uraraka had been mildly surprised.

The whole common room had been fullfilled with blankets, food on a table, the whole place was pristine and spotless – last party had been a bit of a mess, but controlled and surpressed after some time – and there was no extra windows closed, or any of them purposely open so bugs would get in the building– Uraraka hated mosquitos. That’s why the surprise was evident: she saw that Bakugou had remembered all that stuff about her and even carried it all out so she’d be pleased.

While putting another bowl of popcorn on the table, he squinted at her. She had stopped halfway, pinkish blanket in her hands and that stupid perplexed look on her face. “What.”

She snapped out of her reverie and made her way to him, both alone in the room. The whole class had gone out in a special permission for a night out, Miss Midnight going with them to ensure their security and that they didn’t consume any alarmingly toxic substance– because let’s be clear, of course they’d drink some alcohol, but there was no need to take it further than that.

Bakugou had refused to go, the same as Uraraka, Iida and Kirishima, surprisingly. Iida was too much of a legal guy to even go to the outing when he himself rejected the idea. Uraraka was just too tranquil for such jam-packed places, and Bakugou was pretty much the same. Kirishima must have stayed in favor of the movie night.

Which prompted the following question. Uraraka scanned the room warily, stark of any noisy redhead. “Uh, where is Kirishima?”

Bakugou stiffened at the question, and his ears turned red for some reason. She could clearly see them from her angle. “He decided to tag with those damn alcoholics, so it’s just the two of us, I guess.”

Wait.

What.

“Wait, what?”

Bakugou looked at her, already frowning at her fidgety form. “What the fuck is up now, Uraraka?”

“Ah, no, everything’s fine!”

Everything was not fine. Uraraka had most certainly not signed up for a movie night with a guy who could clearly murder her if she dared to speak during a movie or if she dared sit too close to him– maybe even just breathe too loudly! Like, the prospect of hanging out with Bakugou on a regular basis wouldn’t even startle her because she had always been able to see through him and she could handle his outbursts.

However, there was this big temporal difference between having a small conversation, a walk down a street– compared to something more intimate and longer like a movie night. Well, not like they were going to do anything relatively important, but it was still a big step regardless.

What was she even thinking when she thought it’d be a good idea to have a night with King Explosion Murder? Why hadn’t Kirishima warned her? What a jerk, that guy!

When he saw her make a constipated face, he just shrugged it off. She should’ve known what she had signed up for. Well, there was no way she would have known, but would Kirishima’s presence made any real difference? Did Uraraka despise the explosive boy that much? “Just come here and sit down already, angelface. Or I’ll start the fucking movie without you and I never, ever rewind.”

Uraraka scurried to the couch, expectant to see what movie he had picked up. Suddenly, the idea that her fluffy pajamas, teddy bear and pink blanket were a bit too childish occurred to her. She threw her flippers under the sofa and jumped to the sofa near Bakugou, wrapped and bundled in a pink, fluffy– wait,

“King of Doom?” read she from his blanket, disbelievingly blinking and looking at him.

Bakugou just cuddled deeper into the blanket, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Shut the fuck up. Yours is a dumb blanket, bitch. At least mine is… not pink.”

Uraraka elbowed him, to which he responded by reflexively pushing her away. “You’re so extra, Bakugou.” commented she, searching for the remote. He proudly showed it to her. “You could be a generous guy for once in your life and give it to me.”

His arms shot up, remote falling to the rug. “I’M ALWAYS GENEROUS, YOU DAMN BUBBLEHEAD!”

Uraraka picked the remote from the floor and hummed in approval. He leaned against the sofa’s arm and got a good deal of pillows to support his mistreated back. Unbeknownst to him, the fact that so many pillows were piled up only made him be closer to her. The idea didn’t put him at ease, but it didn’t exactly bother him, either. He just sighed and waited for her to adjust the TV to her liking.

Watching Uraraka fiddle with the TV was a challenge for anyone’s patience. She was rather clumsy when it came to any kind of gadget which possessed buttons– then, he guessed that maybe she wasn’t allowed to touch many of these things because her quirk has a rather easy activation. But seeing her stumble so much around a general-knowledge gadget like a remote was… fascinating.

He looked at her dainty hands. They were round, pale, and deft. They also had those weird pads to activate her quirk, and he wondered: what would they feel like? It was an absurd question, but also a very important one.

He glanced at his over stimulated companion. This was going to be one eventful night. The first thing he should do was teach her how to use a remote properly. “Uraraka, what the fuck are you–?”

“I have sensitive eyes!” exclaimed she, her eyes gleaming under the room lamp. “I need to adjust the imbalances so it doesn’t burn my eyeballs off!”

Bakugou sat up and rubbed his face, seeing that the screen coloring was just not right. “For fuck’s sake Uraraka, are you trying to blind us or something?” he reached out for the device. “Gimme that.”

She adamantly refused to have the item stolen from her and just got up to avoid his hands touching anywhere near here. “Off-limits, sir! This is my territory!”

He got up as well and when he again, tried to get the goddamn thing, she refused. Bakugou had to chase her around the table before he sat down and screamed internally. She was making the screen be over saturated, overly contrasted and too bright. And woes betide if he doesn’t end up throwing his eyes off the window to avoid such display of colors and sunshine.

Uraraka fought against the TV, but ended up giving the remote to the ever-so-perfectionist Katsuki Bakugou. “Here, have the thingy. I can’t find the thing for the thing.”

He blinked at her, disbelief written all over his features. That stupid girl was going to be the end of him. “Care to elaborate?”

“As in,” she gestured to the screen. “an option to make the image sharper?”

Again, he sighed, and reset all options to 50. “Having the TV be a flash of fucking rainbows isn’t healthy for either our eyes or our brain.” he got up to gather all the movies he fetched that morning. Some had old boxes, others were brand new purchases. “I have a bunch here that are damn flashy.”

She peeked a bit, interested. Bakugou then realized how close she was and coughed. She didn’t notice his discomfort, only leaned in a bit closer and grabbed a few movies. “I don’t know why you have that fucking dumb smile on, but you ain’t deciding which movie we see first.”

He got up to get his first started, ignoring her puffings and moans. “Why do you have to be so mean? You’re the one who invited me over!”

Bakugou frowned, snarling already at her. “WHO ARE YOU CALLING FUCKING MEAN?” and he threw her the box of the movie, with all intention to hurt her on the head.

Instead, she grabbed the box in mid air and read the title of the movie they were watching. She rolled her eyes. “When I said you were extra I didn’t mean this extra.” the box was waved in her hands. He glared at her. Furiously. “I was hoping for some decent movies.”

“ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY PICKS? FIGHT ME YOU ROUNDFACE!”

In response, she threw the box back to him, effectively calming his tantrum. “Just put the film on, Bakugou. Unless you want me to choose movies instead?”

He stopped playing around and put the movie in, finally, but still fuming over the fact that she had dissed him so badly. He’d make her pay for that. After a few seconds he made it back to the couch, lying on the stack of pillows with his blanket wrapped around him. Uraraka eyed him closely. “I would have never guessed you were a blanket type of person, though.”

His head snapped to hers. “I would have never thought you were so talkative during a fucking movie, you know.”

Ah, that’s what she was talking about. She sighed and got up to turn all the lights off. Once this was done, she hurried to the couch and jumped, bounced and got accommodated on it. Bakugou looked at her from the corner of his eye, seeing how she tried to find the right posture. The light of the TV made her look completely different, somehow.

“Stop fidgeting already.” spat he. Uraraka froze. “Let’s just watch the damn movie.”

Yes, this was what had her so nervous about the movie ordeal. Because she usually had no problem with nobody, she was so uncomfortable now. She had never experienced such a rocky relationship as the one she had with Bakugou, with him being a douche and her not giving a damn. Was that what had him so worked up, that she was unfazed by his bites?

Uraraka eyed him while the movie started blasting, the main soon-to-be-killed protagonists rolling on the screen. She sighed. It was gonna be along night.

Deciding to try and be relaxed, Uraraka picked one of the massive bowls of popcorn, smelling the sweetness of butter all over the snack. She grinned and took a mouthful of popcorn– fuck. That was when all problems began.

As her fingers touched the snack, there was a dim pink glow in the bowl. She almost shrieked as the events unfolded according to her quirk nature, all in silence. The gravity manipulator glanced at her companion briefly, who didn’t even suspect that something fishy was going on just a meter away from him. So, for the sake of a peaceful night, she held the popcorn in their place.

Fifteen minutes into the movie her hands started shaking, so the gravitational pull of the popcorn faltered for a second. One popcorn made its way out of her grip and, out of all places, landed on Katsuki’s nose. The aforementioned felt the tap and growled, thinking it had been her trying to be funny. However, when he looked up, just for the sake of making sure there was nobody else around, his breath haltered.

“What the f–“ all of the popcorn from the bowl had started to float in mid air, hovering near the ceiling and dangerously spread around them. He changed his question. “How the fuck did you do that?”

She started trembling. All options she had were to hold them in the air or let them go, scattering the little kernels all over the room and make a mess. Uraraka clenched her teeth. “My quirk… it just activates when I’m not mindful enough.” whispered she. Uraraka dared to look at him despite the incoming disaster. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem vexed at all.

If anything, he seemed amused. “Can’t you just like, fucking gather it all together?”

They were aware of the movie blaring on the TV, and since Bakugou never rewinded or apparently stopped the goddamn movie, they’d be missing some of it. “I can make things float according to their… momentum.” he nodded, still looking at the floating goodies. “If they have no prior movement, they won’t move. Since they had been compressed into the bowl, they have gained slight momentum and spread around.”

“Your quirk is goddamn crazy, you know.” spoke he in the softest voice he would ever muster in such random circumstances. “How long has that been up there?”

Uraraka checked a clock nearby and made some quick calculations. “I’d say around twenty minutes, now.”

“Shouldn’t you be throwing your shit out?” she blinked at him, surprised he even knew about her quirk’s limitations. “Yeah, don’t gawk at me like I’m fucking dumb. I’m always hearing Deku mumble about how much you can handle shit floating and stuff.”

“Shut up.” that was Bakugou’s usual line. It didn’t fit her usual easy-going demeanor. “We have to get all of that down. Maybe if I lower them a bit we can gather them in the bowl altogether.”

“Then hurry the fuck up. I don’t wanna have you vomiting while we’re watching the movies.”

It turns out that having the popcorn in mid air, closer to the floor than the ceiling– it was a nightmare. Having the popcorn near the ground but not touching either meant that she had to hold them tighter so she didn’t let go of the frail pull. To her, it was like carrying a bucket of water on her arms, or in this case, having to carry it with a long handle.

Bakugou though, was having the time of his life. While the popcorn were at shoulder length he spent a minute or two tapping them and watching how they clashed and moved around in silence, without rolling. And since they had no momentum limit due to his antics and pushes, they were starting to widespread all along the common room.

“Bakugou, for the love of god stop playing around, please.”

“This is what you get for trying to mess with me before.” stated he, stale, and starting to gather the popcorn in the bowl as if it was water. “Next time, watch who you’re messing with.”

Uraraka hissed. “You know I could perfectly drop them to the ground and let you there, picking every single one of them, right?”

“I’m damn aware.” muttered he, almost done with the popcorn business. “Stop putting it as if I was a baby playing with sand, I got this.”

She breathed in and glared at him, trying her best not to lose her concentration. The nerve of that guy… – however, she’d admit to herself that some of his antics were quite funny to her. Not everyday you saw somebody act so collected during such a crazy thing like making popcorn randomly float on air.

Like why had she–

Oh.

Oh.

Was it because Bakugou’s character made her kinda, sorta, a little bit intimidated? Well, not intimidated but, a bit jumpy? He was a bit snarky, rude, so no one could expect much from him. He’s so unpredictable.

Bakugou came back with the bowl full of popcorn, finding Uraraka staring at the nothingness of the floor beneath their feet. “Earth to roundface. What the fuck is wrong with that face of yours?”

Uraraka squirmed in her seat and propped her feet up the couch, completely covered by her blanket. Bakugou was by her again, deciding against the pillows this time, and sitting a little bit closer to her. The couch was particularly big, but the spot they were on was the best one to watch TV – it was common knowledge, so there were a few fights about who would take the magical spot.

This time though, they sat relatively close, sharing the spot. They weren’t touching, but they were about a foot away, and the idea of proximity to a human furnace bode well with her. All they had to do was reach out and they’d be cuddling, sharing heat and–

Bakugou heard a disgruntled noise come from Uraraka – why was she feeling so flustered at the thought of cuddling with him? –, but paid no heed to anything but the movie. He had already lost the track of the movie for that damn bubblehead loser and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. He did spare a glance at her anyway.

He came to a shocking realization. “She’s… pretty cute.”

When he had called her angelface during that fateful Sports Festival he had done it in the spur of the moment. He didn’t really wanna dwell in his classmates’ lives, he didn’t give much a damn about them– as in, their lives, their problems, and stuff. He had enough to worry about with his career as a hero and his parents being… his parents. So, when he called her angelface, he did it considering her most special trait – in the same way he called Todoroki half-n-half, called Iida four eyes and Kirishima redhead loser/ass, whatever he came up with.

He hadn’t actually considered that not only was she only cute, but she was also really pretty. At that moment he only saw a rival in her, a very weak one, at that. However, her beauty didn’t only come from her pump cheeks, round eyes and flashy smile – he long ago realized, in a night of lots of thinking – no, it also came from her heart.

Yes, he would never forget the fact that she was close friends with the bastard, but he could forgive her.

Now that he thought about it, that nerd liked Uraraka as well, right? He also had come to know that some time ago, the thought was so irritating– and he couldn’t see why it was like that. Why did the notion of her liking that loser irk him so?

This was going to be a long night.

One hour into the movie and Uraraka was already swinging on the edge of the couch, knees under her chin and eyes fixated on the next scene.

And it had no reason to be that way, really. It turns out that the movie he chose really was not only extra, but very boring one as well. Bakugou sat with crossed arms on the couch, fully sprawled on the sofa with the most irritated face one could pull at an unanimated object that shouldn’t be doing any harm to him– but it was clearly vexing the poor teenager. He then glanced at Uraraka, and his irritation came back in tenfold. What was so good about that goddamn movie that had her so wound up?

“Bakugou, Bakugou!” called she, excitement clear in her voice. He rolled his eyes. “Are you watching?”

“No shit Sherlock.” muttered he, rubbing his eyes. “It’s an ass damned boring movie. You sure I was the one to pick this shit?”

Her eyes threw daggers at him, shoulders tense. She drew a bit closer to tap on his chest. “That’s what you get for being a meanie to me earlier.”

His fangs showed up, arms sprung up, claws out and he seized her by the neck with his arm, pounding her head with his fist over and over. “You were the one who said it was a bad movie before and you’re fucking enjoying it now?” she yelped as he hit harder, frown knit in frustration. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Who is the meanie now!”

Uraraka bit on his arm and he hissed, like cats usually do, and drew away from her. “Don’t get near me, you bully!”

Irony would get her for that later. Actually, not that late.

“Whatever you say, angelface.” he said sullenly. But the faint smell of flowers and citrus had invaded his nostrils, he had noticed how frail her wrists were in his reach, or how soft her hair was. There was something about her, something so soft, intangible and–

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

While scurrying to the furthest point on the couch, the ever-so-predictable protagonist let out a loud, piercing scream that sent a shaking Uraraka back to his arms, absent-mindedly searching for a source of heat– an anchor after such shock. Her jaw was trembling in utter terror after such a high-pitched and sudden sound.

Bakugou, having the same emotional approach as a coconut, visibly recoiled from her touch. “What’s gotten into you, you damn hysterical woman?”

Oh goodness, she was positively shaking. “It’s just, I hadn’t expected that at all and she was so loud, Bakugou!”

He gritted his teeth, brow shrunk in discomfort and all his physical awkwardness showing through his glaring irirses. “Well of course she’d be loud, this is a damn horror movie!” he hurried the blanket around her form so she’d stop trembling– it was so goddamn uncomfortable to see her like this, and he didn’t know why. “This is what you asked me to get and I just fucking complied–“

“I just meant the scream, not the whole movie, you jerk!” Uraraka pouted and crossed her arms, her head turned from his. “At least I’m having the decency to watch it!”

Bakugou’s feet flew to the couch and, suddenly, he was standing on top of the cushions, disbelief written all over his features. “WHO DID YOU JUST CALL JERK!?”

But Uraraka was already engrossed in the movie– his tantrum long forgotten, feet dangling from the couch and her hands grasping the sheets– it was weird to see her excited over something so tribal to him like a goddamn fictional movie. Finger to her lips, she shushed. “Shut it! The most important part of the movie is kicking in!”

His jumping came to a halt as he looked at the screen, still bouncing on the sofa a little. Since he had lost a good deal of argument with so much bickering and popcorn picking, the movie had lost all appeal to him. He frowned. “I don’t see the fucking point in watching this forsaken movie if–“

“Bakugou.” her hands reached out for his ankle, made contact and released his leg in a swift motion. “In nights like this, you know, you should just…” and then, he was weightless. “…lighten up.”

The ashen blonde groaned as loudly as possible, snarling at her. She didn’t pay much attention to him, just went on watching the damn movie. Her lack of control over his gravity and his little momentum with his silly fit made him start hovering upwards. Bakugou grabbed the back pillows for dear life, feet up. “Uraraka, for fuck’s sake.”

Giggles aside, she was being too naughty for her own good. His jaw clenched as Uraraka turned to look up at him, holding in her laughter. He tried to make his way down to her, grasping the fabric of the couch with disdain. “Stop bitching around, for kicks and giggles?”

“You’re the one who has to stop being a party pooper.” stated she. Her eyes couldn’t help but trace the way his figure looked so funny upside down. Also, he was pretty… muscular. And his biceps were making the effort to drag himself down, flexing. It was all sorts of appealing. “Besides, I now have more room on here to–“

The movie’s main monster – also known from now on as weekly yelling jerk – boomed across the whole room and deafened Uraraka’s ears, who shrieked and abruptly released Bakugou from his weightless status. There was a loud thud behind the sofa and a moan of pain, making her flinch and look behind, slightly concerned.

“Sorry! It’s just–“

Out of the blue, he was already on his feet, hands on his waist and a scowl deep enough to make the very same monster run away. “Yeah, I know, your fucking quirk playing games again.”

He jumped to the cushions again and eased the blanket around him, still mad at her for trying to float him out of the room. Instead of focusing his energies in being mad at her – even if he wanted to make her suffer endless pain for ruining what he thought would be a great movie night, with or without her in silence – Bakugou tried to stay put, be calm and focus on the movie.

It turns out they were heading towards the climax building. There was this silent, subtone music wrapping the scene while the protagonists made their way through a bleak – obviously there was someone there, but he would never be such a douche and spoil such surprising bit to her – dark cave. Despite the fact that Bakugou had already watched the very same film with his parents once a long time ago and despite knowing where their stride would lead up to, he was unsettled with the scene.

He eyed his previously thrilled and edgy friend to find her scrunched up in fear, and shockingly near him. Their shoulders were barely touching, hers mildly quivering against his quieter posture. Her hands grasping the sheets to her heart in interest, irises wavering in tension while she just– her body was shaking again, she was fidgeting with so much tension in the air, her teeth were clattering, maybe? and she would start bouncing to and fro anytime soon.

Before such lame thing happened, she started inching closer to him, her citric scent taking over all his senses. Bakugou felt her shoulders finally collide with his and he snapped. “Oi, what the–“

She most likely wasn’t even realizing how close she was until he opened his damn mouth. However, if this newfound arrangement annoyed her, it went unnoticed. Uraraka just glared at him for less than a second and continued her self-torture. Her arms were encircled around her knees, panic setting on her pretty round features, with the blanket loosely hanging to her hunched form. Most importantly, she was leaning into the explosive teen, the very same boy who could blow her away– that is, if he wanted to.

The thing is, he wasn’t exactly uncomfortable with their position. He wasn’t exactly tranquil with the painful pace of the movie, nor the tense music or his shaking mate beside him. Her head was stuck to his shoulder– his very comfy and warm shoulder, forearms touching, hairs tangling together and sharing warmth.

The very same notion of proximity, warmth and sweetness was so Uraraka, it was overwhelming him to the point of mental shutdown. He was severely torn between giving her a good push so this weird fuzzy sensation would stop and pulling her closer.

Regardless the option he chose, none were going to help the situation that Uraraka, that woman who could pull buildings off their own foundings and also be smiling in the process and that girl who was unfazed by his rash behavior, that stupid girl that was tiptoeing into his heart in the most bizarre of ways– that girl was leaning on him, warming him up, and almost hogging him at this point.

Honestly, he had to either embrace the feeling or push her out of his zone– shrugging it off wasn’t an option anymore with such colossal blush adorning his cheeks.

The response was instantaneous. “What– Bakugou?”

He shuffled her closer to him, his blanket thoroughly wrapped around both of them. There was a toxic mixture of her sweet fragrance and his rainy spark inside the blankets, but it was completely fine by him. His arm around her shoulders– oh she was so small compared to him, now he noticed – kept her close.

He used said arm to shush her with its belonging hand. “Shut it. I wanna hear the movie, bitch.”

Uraraka stifled a giggle under her breath – after all he couldn’t call her bitch if he was keeping her so close. It was a weird discovery to see him so calm with sharing his personal space after having almost winced at her presence an inch nearer than usual. Well, it did ease the tension from the movie and gave her a strange feeling of peace. He was undeniably warm, strong muscular arms keeping her near and not far for a change, and his husky breathing– oh no.

She didn’t sign up for this! Her hands tried to hide the evident red in her face to no avail. Recount: she had King of Doom Bakugou Katsuki by her side, finally engrossed in a movie with her, pulling her as close as he deemed healthy, in the most proximate concept of cuddling that he’d ever consider carrying out.

So, she had two options: welcome the blush, his warmth and intimate, finally cool and rare behavior– or gently move away.

A part of her raged over his proximity and dared to try and throw away all of Bakugou’s developments socially speaking, and reject all the good things that came with this close version of cuddling.

Uraraka obviously decided against such outrage and moved closer, his arm adjusting to the idea of side hugs and her enjoying every moment of it, her head cradled on his neck while she paid attention to the show as he was doing, because his eyes seemed to be absorbing the movie like a sponge and, meanwhile, she had been so busy musing over cuddles that she wasn’t grasping the plot of the movie.

Look, none of them were really paying attention to the movie– they had never had such intimate contact with anybody, especially cuddles. It was all sorts of alluring and embarrassing. Bakugou was struggling to keep himself in check. Uraraka though, her mind was at the verge of short-circuiting itself.

“Am I seated in a good position? Do I smell? Is he completely alright with this? Maybe I am in a position that is uncomfortable for him and he isn’t comfy enough, but how do I ask him if he’s so focused on the movie and” her trail of frantic thinking came to a halt when she felt his muscles stiffen– they were a kiss away “is he ok? why is he so tense? oh no, he must be so un–“

“Yo,” whispered he, his breath fanning across her sensible ears. He sure wasn’t aware of the impact he had on her, but Uraraka, her mad blush and the goosebumps on her skin sure felt his presence. She was about to explode. “are you ok with this?”

The way he worded it made it seem like a much more important deal – well, maybe for him, it was a big deal. She curtly nodded and buried herself in his smell and warmth, not a bead of sweat apparent on her pale skin or a drop of awkwardness issuing from her approving hum. It wasn’t uncomfortable physically-wise, but his closeness was stirring all kind of clashing and incoherent emotions inside her little being.

“Girl, stop fretting over this.” mental slap. “Focus on the movie and enjoy the boy. After all, as soon as the night ends, you’ll be on the same level as before.”

Uraraka tried to make herself more comfortable, and his body – surprisingly, considering how inconsiderate he was most times – shifted along with hers, relaxing under her form on the back cushions. Fuck, he had expected the night to go as two friends watching a bunch of movies, no contact needed unless it was something major– but it had turned into two friends watching a bunch of movies, with her cuddling and suffocating him with her presence.

Worst of it all – admitted he all along, while he saw the scenes roll by with an unfocused stare – was that he was enjoying every second of it. This was, probably, the toughest decision he had made so hard that day and it was, by far, the best one he had made all his life. Having someone tucked under his arms had never sound appealing to him, not even once in his life. In spite of the startle of her proximity the first time, he had grown accustomed to it.

They moved closer to each other, her brown hair sprawled all over his shoulder and his skin feeling the warmth of hers, as if she was some kind of neat, nice and aromatic tea cup, dampening his insides in that electric, relaxing and overly light feeling of floating, his head floating out the door and leaving a happy man behind. Somehow, he was sure she felt it too, that shift.

His eyes abandoned the climax of the film to look at the crown of her head, accommodated on the crook of his neck– and it felt so right, to have her there, so close, safe, as if the whole world had faded away into a variety of grays and she was the only color in the room, shining straight into his heart and shattering his fears into smithereens, melting them and making them fly away to another place, another time– somewhere where they didn’t exist, where they wouldn’t be a burden.

His hand, previously hanging loose in front of her, brushed an unkempt tress of hair like a sailor cleans its boat: carefully, sincerely, and almost unconsciously. Of course she felt it– oh, she felt it so fast, her neck almost snapped when she titled her head to look at his red, fierce staring irises. Their breathing went erratic, getting stuck in weird places of their throats and their stomachs lurching in a delicious manner.

Yes, she definitely felt the tweak in the air. Not shift, not a blunt change– just a tweak.

Her brown pools blinked slowly, trying to make words out of his shaking eyes, those who always reflected proud feelings, his anger burning all around her– all but her, that girl who never jumped at his remarks, who he was a bit weak for, the woman who never burnt with the others and faced him all the time.

Interest had been there all the time, that’s for sure. But did such passion in his eyes, such cracks on his armor, the tenderness and approval; had it all existed before? Now he realized what he had really called her over for, and what the outcome had been. Bakugou couldn’t brush her away so fast though– not when he had dived so deep into the waters of her incandescent skies of brown.

His head, ever so slowly, made its way towards hers, shifting her form so she had better angle to move closer, her lips starting to part, eyes closing. Her breath was crossing his, mixing, tangling them together and pulling the cuddling pair even closer than before, their hearts soaring– his lungs breathed deep, and then, his hand grasped her neck, fingertips brushing the ends of her hair, and then, their lips inched closer, and closer, and–

“Yo, guys!”

Uraraka straight headbutted him in surprise, and they recoiled from each other with a disgruntled noise of pain and grief, feeling the catastrophic presence of Kirishima by the elevator. Uraraka spared a glance at Bakugou – who had turned into a blushing, raging mess of frustration and lack of self-control – and finally looked at her redhead friend.

“Good evening, Kirishima!” called Uraraka, grinning at her friend. She was so glad he decided to come in the end! “I thought you had gone to the party with the others…”

Kirishima wasted no time on sitting by Uraraka, squeezing her between him and a glaring Bakugou. “Nah, I ended up deciding to come with you guys. I’m so happy you’re still in one piece, Uraraka.”

The redhead chucked, and a vein on Bakugou’s head popped. Uraraka was beaming, though. “That’s great, I’m so glad you could finally make it here!”

The ashen teenager’s heart stopped beating. After such close call with Uraraka his heart had been beating hysterically, but it just snap stopped when he heard her. Kirishima blinked at her, confused. “Huh, finally?”

Thank goodness the brunette was too believing for her own good. She gripped her blanket to her neck, footprints of her cuddling plus that something with Bakugou pinking her cheeks. “Bakugou told me you were leaving with the others, so you wouldn’t be coming with us to the movie night like planned. I was so disappointed that you wouldn’t be coming when you were the one to invite me over!”

Again, Bakugou froze. Kirishima blinked at her and had this brilliant idea of looking at his best friend. He was looking– glaring at him, one eye twitching and an alarming amount of teeth showing beneath his snarl. “Movie night?” his eyes fell on how close they were to each other, how the blonde was still blushing, and the clench of his fists. “Oh.”

Kirishima smirked at Bakugou, understanding how he had made her come to his makeshift buddy movie night. “Sneaky bastard.”

And the funniest part was that he had been theoretically invited to the movie night, but he was at the same time clearly not invited to the movie night considering how Bakugou was mentally plunging daggers in his heart, twisting it, and bringing him all sorts of pain for interrupting such special moment with her.

His smirk only got wider. So interesting.

When Kirishima dragged his bastard ass towards her and swung his arm around her shoulders so casually, Bakugou saw red. “I ended up cancelling the outing plan for you guys, to come to our movie night.” Uraraka rose her fist in victory. “I see you have finished this movie already?”

Their eyes glanced at the static screen, credits already having rolled long time ago. The girl blushed, realizing that they had spent so much time gawking at each other that they had missed the ending of the movie. Bakugou gritted his teeth and got up to change movies, grabbing the first one he had at reach.

Kirishima turned to her. “I take it it’s been a good night so far.” the ashen blonde mumbled something to himself that his friends didn’t catch. “­­You guys must have been comfortable with so many pillows and blankets.” Kirishima knew where to hit next. “Can we share blankets, Uraraka? I forgot to bring mine.”

Bakugou’s back straightened, frown getting deeper and deeper. He made the TV eat the damn movie with a slam. He wasn’t jealous.

“Of course we can, Kirishim–!”

“Actually,” deadpanned the explosive teen, making his peers turn to him. “you can have mine, Kirishima.”

Uraraka was startled by what was to come, knowing what he was aiming for. Kirishima smiled knowingly at him – his arm remained wrapped around her nonetheless. Oh, how he loved teasing him so much. The moment he came into the room and saw them so close, he knew that his stay would be doomed with Bakugou’s glare. And that very moment he interrupted must have been very important, too.

“Are you sure, man?” asked the other, looking at the abandoned blanket by Uraraka. He chuckled. “Sorry, I meant King of Doom. How could I forget, your majesty.”

Like he always did when his name was spit on, Bakugou turned around and started bawling at him like a maniac. “Oi, watch your damn mouth, redhead loser!”

Uraraka shifted closer to Bakugou’s empty place, afraid of what pointy object he’d throw at him and how his aim could backlash when his temper got the best of him. “Don’t get so worked up, man! It’s your blanket who is speaking for me.”

Bakugou threw him a decorative ornament he found nearby, hitting his friend on the forehead, who groaned. Seriously, this guy could be pretty decent and all when needed, but he was also a total brute sometimes.

The blonde gave him the final we-have-to-talk-later glare and made his way to Uraraka, who had ended up nestling herself near Kirishima while the movie got started. Her blanket was still in her hands, and he’d be damned if he lost his cool again to her for the second time in a row. No way he would ask her for a blanket he didn’t even need, because the movie itself sounded promising and well, she also looked comfy in her own burrito arrangement.

Her eyes peeked at him for a second. Sensing his discomfort after their little bubble had been burst by Kirishima’s arrival, she nudged him with an elbow. Bakugou, with crossed arms and a neutral look on his face, watched her offer him a part of her blanket, a suggesting smile sketched on her pale, brilliant and childish traits.

The blanket ended up spread wide on them, a little bit short on his end. He grunted at her as a response and looked at the movie. His fingers nervously tapped on the couch’s arm as he glimpsed at his friends, unable to stop thinking about this– distracted by how she was shifting towards Kirishima and not him, how her head was angled towards him in low chatter and the way their knees brushed whenever she shifted– fuck, he wasn’t jealous, but Kirishima knew he’d be pissed if he was so touchy with Uraraka and he was doing it all on purpose.

So he did the most proper thing: glare the shit out of his best friend, who was still hugging Uraraka and didn’t even give signs of acknowledgement– then he turned his head and saw those piercing eyes of his, again pouring all his anger and hate onto his poor best friend. Muscles tense in agitation, eyebrows still twitching in possession towards that little girl who leaned too much towards the movie in expectation, her smile widening with every flash of light.

Kirishima felt, for once, truly afraid of his friend. Bakugou’s arm hung on the back cushions, a ghost hug for her over-stimulated form. Something interesting was going on in the movie, but Bakugou was too irritated by his friend’s arrival to care about the goddamn kissing scene in that low-key horror movie. His hands reached behind Uraraka’s leaning form to grasp at Kirishima’s pointy locks, growling in silent warning:

“Go an inch nearer.” his teeth shone to the white light of the TV, making him look dangerous– more than usual. “Go an inch nearer and you’re fucking dead, loser.”

Kirishima squinted at him in exasperation– was it really such a big deal that he was bonding with Uraraka? Geez, he might have arrived in the worst of times, but that didn’t make him a criminal! Bakugou continued pulling his hair behind a totally unsuspecting Uraraka, her eyes still bathing and dampening on the romanticism of the scene.

Before their silent bickering went noticed, Bakugou decided to mutter something about a kitchen, water, and Kirishima. The female was too wrapped in the scene to even notice their tantrum, so they left without being noticed– maybe that’s why dragging his best friend out of the zone and into a much more dangerous one with glass and knives was so easy for Bakugou.

There was a loud thud against a counter and the sound of wood cracking under a certain boy’s smoking hands.

“What are you doing here, you red punk?” muttered the ashen blonde, all but content smile showing his beast fangs. “I thought you’d be sulking up there like a moron over that alien girl’s whereabouts. Who the fuck invited you here!”

Kirishima crossed his arms, serious this time. There was no humor or glee in his always light voice, which now sounded chapped and slightly concerned. “You, apparently.”

That did the trick and shut him up, hands in his pockets and fuming because his friend was right. The redhead sighed. “What is going on here, Bakugou? Why are you with Uraraka, alone…”

There was a rapid blush spreading throughout Bakugou’s wincey face in a second. His hands grabbed the cracked surface, wanting to burn stuff again with scorching fervor. There was this wicked spark in his eyes after being busted so badly. “Get your mind out of the gutter, you bastard. Stop looking at me like I tried to rape her or something.”

However, based on the mysterious glint of his irises when his eyes diverted to her relaxed body on the couch, something akin to desire was crossing his mind. And Kirishima obviously saw it crystal clear.

“You two kissed, didn’t you?”

Kirishima was against the counter a second later, shirt fisted in a furious Bakugou’s hands. “What the fuck are you insinuating, you loser!?”

“Ah, so you did.”

“We didn’t!”

“But you wanted to, anyway, right?” Kirishima effortlessly freed himself from Bakugou’s grip, who growled and looked back at him. The booming of an action scene echoed all the way to them, but Uraraka – he was unconsciously peeking at her from his friend’s shoulder – didn’t even flinch at the flashy thing. “You seemed rather uptight when I dropped by.”

The blonde sighed. “We were going to… yeah.” the k word was too much for him to handle without losing his tough appearance in front of that nerd.

Kirishima tapped his index finger against his chin, deep in thought. “So, it’s been going on for a while, hasn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve liked her for long, I reckon.”

Bakugou’s heart set on fire, his tremor climbing all the way to his wrinkled brow and pumped up cheeks. “WHAT ARE YOU–“

A hand was slapped to his hand to stop the rant before Uraraka heard their heated discussion. “Don’t make a fuss out of this. I’m just stating the obvious.” Bakugou blinked at him in a perplexed stare. “It’s a bit evident you treat her differently – and well, seeing how much of a douche you are to mostly everyone, how you’re attentive of her sometimes and… this thing you had going on with her.”

The blonde’s back was turned to the other male, tense in irritation. Kirishima could hear the frown in his voice, his back muscles stiff after such bold statement. “Fuck off already, Kirishima.”

The other chuckled, unfazed by his brash friend. “But I’m not wrong, am I?”

A pair of seconds passed, then a whole minute. Then, Bakugou’s back deflated. The male turned, a troubled look in his face. He didn’t look like your cool average Bakugou– he seemed actually affected by the issue.

“I invited her over to… kinda understand whatever fucking thing I feel for angelface.” Kirishima encouraged him to continue with a nod, arms crossed and a pleasant surprise evident in his gentle smile. “I felt awkward around her at first but… I got the hang of it very easily. I didn’t feel like I was being a sucker by being nice to her. It was a pleasant feeling.”

Bakugou sat on a stool and rubbed his face with a hand to relieve stress. “So, you do like her, huh?”

The explosive teen’s eyes travelled to Uraraka’s brown mess of hair at the sofa, who stared at the movie with intention. His scowl faltered. “I enjoy being with her, but not in the same way as I do rarely enjoy your fucking pestering.” Kirishima dramatically grasped his shirt for dear life. “Her smile is cheesy as fuck, and she has that thing she does with her chubby ass fingers– and she never fucking shuts up. Also her eyes twinkle when something exciting happens, somehow. She’s stubborn as a motherfucker, too.”

Kirishima dared to ruffle Bakugou’s hair, earning him a menacing glare. The other laughed good-naturedly. “I guess that’s Bakugou talk for: I like Uraraka in such a frustrating way that I feel slightly intimidated.”

“What is most fucking frustrating” still looking at her from afar, Bakugou put his head on his hand, elbow on the counter. He snarled loudly. “is that she’s always drooling for that good for nothing quirkless bastard.”

His swearing was filled with so much rage that Kirishima whistled, lowly. “Sounds rough, buddy.” his face brightened for a second, finger shot up. “Hold on, didn’t you two almost kiss back there?”

The explosive teen growled again. “It means fucking nothing. We were almost cuddling, it was bound to happen.” he ignored Kirishima’s scandalized blush. “Besides, you didn’t give her time to step back. Thanks for that, loser.”

“I’m not sure if that’s an honest expression of gratitude, but you can be a sarcastic bastard when you really want to.” he was the one to ignore Bakugou’s face of utter ire after that insult. “But whatever the case, we don’t know if Midoriya-kun likes her back, in case she actually has the hots for him.”

“Are you fucking messing with me? You haven’t seen her around him then, blind ass. Maybe it was painfully evident before, but it still lives within her stupid, bubbly and bitchy self.”

“And how would you know if you live in a bubble outside the human emotional spectrum? I’ve never seen you being that emphatic or analytical before.”

Bakugou sighed. “It may be because, despite the fact that I am undeniably tough, I care for her.” he instantly checked if Uraraka gave any signs of having heard him. Apparently, she didn’t. “I’ve had people talking about her stuff at Gunhead like fanatics, it’s hard to ignore she has more value than some sorry asses at our class. I’m not constantly fawning over her whereabouts like you with alien girl,” Kirishima blushed at that. “but as somebody I respect and someone I enjoy fighting with, I do worry about her wellbeing.”

“I can’t believe you are a jerk even when talking about a girl like Uraraka.” before the other snapped at him, he cleared his point. “You can’t really say much about such stuff without hyperventilating or getting irritated with your own softness, so I guess you’re trying hard.”

“No matter how hard I try to be more open,” it was incredible she couldn’t feel such burning stare on her. Bakugou truly was an animal. “it doesn’t change the fucking fact that she’s obviously infatuated with the brat. And I can’t see what she sees on him that I ain’t have.”

Kirishima eyes his friend warily. “Feelings, care and sanity, maybe?”

It was clearly a joke, but Bakugou would never see that with such sensitive matter at hand. “You aren’t fucking helping, Kirishima.”

The other chuckled. Seeing his friend so worked up over a topic like love was hilarious. “It doesn’t matter if he’s got bad things though, she’s always looking at everyone’s virtues. The same goes for you man.”

“Are you telling me she sees me like a fucking god or something?”

“Of course not.” clarified Kirishima, sitting down on another stool in front of Bakugou. They were taking too long in getting what they had classified as glass of water. “But if she saw the version that everyone sees in you, she wouldn’t be with you right now. I’m pretty damn sure that most of our class would run away at the prospect of a night with you. But she’s there, dude. She’s constantly pushing you to become a better person. She’s not your regular classmate.”

Bakugou murmured to his hand something akin to “You bet she isn’t.”

Kirishima looked at her too. She seemed calm at last, “She’s something special, dude. I can’t tell if she likes you or not, but I can tell you that Uraraka doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to. She’s not that kind of girl.”

The explosive boy continued to stare at her, trying to decipher the big mystery that she was. Kirishima’s words were heard as a far-off voice. “She’ll always see the good in you. If she’s still willing to spend time with you despite your foul attitude, perhaps she actually wants to bond with you.”

Bakugou glanced at his friend, still troubled. “She seemed awkward at first, though.” not that much, really, but he was trying to get his hopes up for what would be a disaster.

“As anybody would be. This thing you two have here isn’t any kind of everyday routine, y’know. And I know for a fact that she cares for you no matter how stupid you can be sometimes.” Bakugou didn’t seem to be listening, focused on the girl, but Kirishima carried on. “Just try to be there for her and make her realize that you can be pretty cool, too.”

“I’M ALWAYS COOL, YOU DAMN LOSER!” yelled he in a whisper, seizing his neck in a livid grip. “And I can be as softie and stupid as that quirkless bastard, or more!”

Kirishima rose his hands in protest, sweat pouring from his forehead. “That’s not what I meant!” Bakugou let him go with a light push, sulking in his seat. “What I’m trying to tell you is that you have to highlight those virtues you have, and make her see your value the same way you kinda see hers.”

“So I have to be an overly bright version of myself? Like, be made of cotton candy and stuff?” he grumbled, frowning. “Not gonna happen. I ain’t losing my chill for her that badly.”

“Dude, I’m not telling you to go on full on her, or become someone else. If there’s a chance she likes you, acting differently will drive her away.” Kirishima sighed at his friend’s stubbornness to see that he was trying to help, that this issue didn’t need any embroiled solutions. “Just try to give her a bit of attention, listen to her for a bit. It’s not as difficult as it seems.”

Bakugou eyed him like he was the pest. It wasn’t a look Kirishima received often. “You’re telling me to fucking listen to all that crap about Deku she may want to say?”

“I seriously hope you don’t think that you’re destined to always hear what you wanna hear, because we sometimes have to face unpleasant issues – either because of necessity or just because someone vents their feelings on you.”

His head turned to him, brows furrowed. “’The fuck does vent mean?”

Kirishima shook his head. “Of course you wouldn’t know what such an emotion-charged word would mean.”

“Whatever.” Bakugou got up and padded to the sofa. “I just hope this bitch won’t come moaning about Deku or I’ll–“

Kirishima crashed with Bakugou’s back and moaned of pain. He looked at the couch afterwards. “What the hell, man– oh, this is new.”

Or course Ochako Uraraka would fall asleep on the couch after such a long conversation. Of course the most sleepish person would fall asleep in the middle of a movie night after such hard work on the harvest activity. The blonde’s fist hit the back cushions, teeth clenched after wasting such a valuable night with her because of–

His glare landed on his best friend. “Don’t you dare blame me for this.”

Bakugou sighed/growled and approached her. “We can’t have her sleeping here, or she’ll get a back ache or something.” mumbled Bakugou, picking her up. He had wanted to carry her on his shoulders, but decided against it just in case she woke up. Instead, he picked her up and carried her bridal-style.

“Yo, let me take a pic of this milestone moment–“

“Don’t you fucking dare.” spat Bakugou, walking to the lifts. “Wait here or– whatever, knock yourself out.”

Kirishima buried himself in Uraraka’s girly blanket and Bakugou’s one with a content smile. Both smells blended in before the redhead’s nostrils as he rewinded the movie on the screen. “I’ll be waiting for you here, darling!”

Hadn’t it been for sleeping beauty in his arms and he would have sent Kirishima flying to another dimension, somewhere with no possibilities to come back to him. Kirishima was a good guy, but he was a handful to deal with at times like these. The little ding of the elevator made him advance faster so he’d get away from his teasing, prying eyes.

Bakugou groaned once he was inside. Because this little girl was a reckless bitch who worked herself to exhaustion and she didn’t know when to fucking stop, and also because she had him wrapped around her weird fingers– now, he was stuck with her. He gave her a few shakes, musing over how light she fucking was and how that somehow worried him. Her tresses were disheveled to the point of being a case of bed hair, skin smooth and flawless, her plump lips parted in slow breaths.

She looked like a princess taken out from his wildest dreams, a little girl in rags who didn’t need saving or a man by her side to protect her value– all of her was a treasure, he knew. Somewhere along the way he came to see her shining through the bars of his heart, melting the ice around it and squeezing all the air out of it. It was such a sick, venomous but sweet grip she had on him, he tried to relish on her attention, every single one of her eye lashes, and her shattered breath on his neck.

He knew– the crash after the fall would hurt him eventually, the dread closing in and making his heart do all sorts of things, none of them natural. But for now… he just drew her close and stepped out of the lift, finding himself alone in the girls’ corridor at the fourth floor.

His steps were like ghosts in a cemetery. The eerie silence around him made him feel slightly intimidated, accustomed like he was to the loud chatter of his classmates all over the corridors. The lack of sounds wrapped around him like the warm air of a dark night on a meadow, alone and blind. It was all sorts of unnerving, but he had been through worse things.

Luckily for him, Uraraka had left the door unlocked, so all he had to do was give it a light push and make his way to her bed in the middle of the dark. He had only been to her room once or twice, but he knew how she had set it all up. His feet made out the outline of her rug, dodged the nasty table in the middle of his path, and gently lay her down on her bed. He opened the futon to cover her and tucked her in with utmost care.

There was a dim streak of light coming from the corridor, landing on a side of her face in a orange hue, making her glow in a strange way– his heart throbbed inside his chest, beating out of cadence and failing to let him leave or take his eyes off her. Bakugou gulped, nervous for once in his goddamn life, hands trembling as he gingerly took her face, fingerpads caressing the mountain of her rosy cheek, and took in her sleeping form. For once, she wasn’t moving, talking, fussing over anybody or making shit float.

Somehow, the very thought of her in such motionless state irked him, stirring all kind of twisting feelings in his already tangled heartstrings. Without thinking, his lips kissed the holy skin of her forehead in a mere brush that lasted a pair of seconds, but it sent his heart on a wild soar of euphoria. In a way, he felt repaid for the prior interrupted kiss fiasco, and the little secretive smile on his face proved how important that woman was to him.

And he’d get that kiss back someday – as soon as she realized that he could give the world if she so desired, he’d scoop her in his arms and kiss the air out of her, thrill rippling through his veins and eyes shining–

That girl was turning him into a poodle of love and goo. He couldn’t lose his chill in front of her so easily. He gave her cheek another caress and brushed some lost strands of hair from her face before walking back, his back turned to her so he wouldn’t crave into the urge of staying with her an make sure she was officially having a good sleep. Bakugou took his leave lighting fast, flexing his arms a bit so the soreness would wear off, and closed the door with a little click.

Sweat beads strode down his temple after such intimate moment. “That was a fucking close call.”

He silently strode down the hallway, step proud and his lunatic smile automatically on after melting for a few minutes. Yet, after exiting the elevator and hearing the TV blaring on the background his mood completely descended to the fires of Hell, down below the Earth and entering a whole new dimension– his bubble burst as he made his way to the couch, teeth clenched in a tight fit, the high from the kiss wearing off.

Needless to say, his lovely, peaceful and eventful night with Uraraka turned into a mess of screaming, rage and deadpanning with Kirishima.

Sunset rolled out fairly soon that day. Yueii had been cursed with a hot day full of battling, physical activity and tons of heated swearing from the classes’ number one lunatic. Of course it’s Bakugou, who else would it be?

The poor boy hadn’t had much more than a blink of sleep, and in all honesty, it wasn’t his fault. Kirishima couldn’t keep his mouth shut if he wasn’t sleepy enough or just plain tired. He had been working in the harvest the day before, but that guy had too much energy for his own good. That bubble head, though…

Bakugou glared at her from the classroom doorway while she spoke with Deku heatedly, both smiling and laughing at some stupid joke he did and no– no, Bakugou wasn’t jealous, jealousy was for little babies and he was no baby whatsoever. But the nerve of that guy, blatantly flirting with with her movie buddy in the very same place! Ugh, disgusting.

The ashen blonde did notice how something about Uraraka was off, and it was so obvious – or either he had become attentive of her after his heart to heart with Kirishima – that it vexed him that the bastard wasn’t paying attention. Was his world so narrow that the lack of spark in her eyes, how that big smile of hers never reached her eyes, or the lackluster of her cheeks– all of that, went unnoticed?

Bakugou frowned at the pair, feeling Todoroki’s stare from behind him, who was casually leaning on the wall. The blonde was extremely aware of the thousand conspiracy theories going on inside half-n-half’s brain, but he didn’t care as much as he cared about Uraraka and that bastard.

“You should stop stalking her, you know.” spoke the calm teenager, stale and dry as sincere and good-intended. There was a crack on the door, and a growl. “You will end up being discovered.”

His conversation with Kirishima suddenly started playing on repeat in his fried brain, making him jump into wrong and misplaced conclusions. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING A STALKER, YOU NERD? And what has Kirishima actually told you about me!? Shut it!”

Of course Kirishima hadn’t told him anything, and of course this seemed like a big, big issue for Bakugou, so Todoroki let it pass with an indifferent stare at his companion’s shaking back. He was livid at the pair of lovebirds. His display of pure rage and childish internal fits was pleasing to the eye– finally Bakugou would be frustrated at something with an actual reason.

Midoriya appeared on the doorway a minute later and he was scared shitless after seeing Bakugou’s deformed expression of anger and fixation on making the poor boy’s life miserable as hell. With his fearsome features still scrunched in such murderous intentions, he watched Deku trail behind Todoroki’s unaffected stride.

He calmed down a little and turned around to see Uraraka staring at him intently. Bakugou jumped a feet behind. “What the fuck, angelface! What’s the sneaky business for?”

“I was about to ask you the same.” her head titled to a side, and he had the urge to do the same for the sake of bonding. “Do you need anything?”

Bakugou watched the spark in her eyes flicker into nothing, her eyes darker than he had ever seen them. She was shamelessly smiling despite the hidden turmoil she was going through after last night– remembering that night only made her blush and start fidgeting with her fingers. And god, how he hated seeing her so uneasy around him. Something twisted uncomfortably in his chest, sensing that something was wrong.

“You fell asleep last night.” stated he, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Uraraka immediately jumped again, remembering how comfortable the blankets around her had felt and how her world had faded before the boys came back to her. “I’m terribly sorry about that! I was just too tired and–“

“I don’t give a fuck about you being tired.” the gravity bender blinked at him, startled by his sudden outburst. “Don’t do that again. It’s damn annoying.”

When he turned around to leave, hunched over and mumbling about her being too much of an unnecessary hassle, she saw the meaning of his words. Her breath wavered and she felt lightheaded out of the blue. “Hold on, again?”

His steps haltered as he turned around, an unreadable expression in his face. “We’re repeating this movie night stupidity again. I never leave business undone.” the brunette stared blankly at him, flabbergasted after such brutal honesty. “You fell asleep halfway through the night. You ain’t escaping this so easy.”

As he turned to leave again, she took a few steps in his direction. “W-Wait, I may be late!” Bakugou groaned and spun around to face her, nearing a dangerous edge between being relatively calm and indeed mad at her. “I have some stuff… to do…”

She started, again – he was suffering while seeing her so shrunk – doing the thing with the fingers. Her eyes were downcast, hair shadowing her roundy, kissable cheeks. The world around her was covered in a static of blacks and whites, the only color around her being the red of Bakugou’s eyes and his burning stare– his white skin, the golden of his jacket, or the pearls of his teeth and the tremble of his lips upon seeing her so shaken up.

And she didn’t want to leave, feeling so drawn to the animal in front of her, the animal that had consumed her feelings so easily.

Something was writhing inside. Her mind had always been a clear slate of purity, pristine and transparent feelings showing in her big eyes of illusion and wonder. Yet, after so long, while her feelings remained unchanged, there had been a twitch in her heart. It had reactioned– it had beaten for the first time in years right before last night, and hadn’t stopped beating ever since.

What was with this change? Why did she feel unchanged, yet so disturbingly deceived at the same time? Uraraka knew where her heart stood, but did her heart wanna be there? Was it the best option? This adrenaline– this corrosive feeling of thirst and desire after his lips had brushed hers… why was it dampening her resolve? Why…

Why was she so frustrated with herself when she still loved another man?

Somehow, the relief of generalization sounded petty at best. She faced Bakugou again. “But I’ll try to be there as soon as possible!”

Bakugou approached her and stood dangerously near to her. He looked at her, eyes stabbing hers in a menace, but it somehow ended up being a low warning more than a straight-up murder threat. He stared down at her, brown orbs shining to his. “Don’t be late or you’ll be fucked.”

The burning notion of an unrequited love weighed him down, too.

With that, he parted to his dorm to think about the mental consequences of having an undeniably cute girl in your dorm for a night. Meanwhile, with her afternoon plans still beating hard in her mind, something bigger and foreign throbbed inside– something akin to those things she had experienced with that boy in the past but had experienced last night with this man.

And her heart wouldn’t stop hammering.

“If I love Deku so much…” her hand flew to her mouth. “why did I and Bakugou almost–“

And she cried, too. Ah, she felt that small tweak now.

When he opened the door to her, he hadn’t expected to see this. If she had been the one to be pleasantly surprised by his initiative, it was his turn to be bitterly puzzled with his guest.

It was now when he realized that it was raining cats and dogs outside. Her hair was soaked wet, raindrops falling down the tips and trailing down her face, neck, and arms. Her skin was rough after what must have been a long ass time in the middle of the rain. She wore this apologetic smile on her face, smiles on smiles on smiles that never filled the void in her eyes, endlessly saddened by something he couldn’t point, but that must be pretty tough if the star girl was in fucking shambles.

He quickly took her in, frowning at her disposal to partake in the tradition of having a cold after the exam season. “Oi, don’t come dripping me wet, you bitch.” he rubbed her arms to give her some warmth, flustered at her dumfounded expression after such a caring action. “I’ll go get you a fucking towel. You stay out.”

“Damn woman, damn her to hell.” his thoughts furiously pushed him into the bathroom, looking for a decent towel for her to dry her head with. Her hair had been so messy, all her tresses tangled into little knots of undying despair. Uraraka fucking Ochako wasn’t going to cuddle – because he knew she would be seeking some source of heat after being exposed to  harsh temperatures outside, and he wasn’t going to have her all watery and messy.

Bakugou grabbed a smooth looking piece of cloth– it could even be a t-shirt, he didn’t even give a fuck. All he wanted was to have her dry and make her smile again so his life would have a sense of peace again. He stomped his way out the bathroom to find her sitting on his bed, looking at her hands absent-mindedly.

He almost asked her.

Almost.

Then, he remembered it wasn’t his business. She already had Deku to talk about this stuff. If she wanted to ramble though, Bakugou would listen.

He threw the towel to her – she immediately snapped out of reverie to catch the red towel, and stared at it blankly – and went to fetch his laptop and pendrive. “I have some good shit here.” he waved the thingy proudly. “I bet you’ll like whatever we watch here.”

When she didn’t come up with a snotty remark like she used to, or when Uraraka never rose up from her seat to berate him or throw a pillow to him– just do something, something snapped in him. Fearing an encounter with an awkward crying baby, he turned around, as slowly as ever. She was looking at the towel with a distant stare. She wasn’t crying, but her heart was crying a river inside of her.

He sighed and padded to her, kneeling in front of her. His deft hands grabbed the towel from her hands and he started to clumsily dry her hair. If she wasn’t going to cooperate, he’d sure as hell make her presentable for their bonding night. Fuck her and her turmoil–

When he saw her shiver for a second, those curses died in his throat. Despite the guilt climbing all the way to his gut, he still didn’t call her out on her silence. He continued messing with her hair and watching the drops fly around. Her hands were clasped on her thigh, fingers entangled with each other in a death grip.

This girl, that girl who was tough no matter what, suddenly rose up again. “Sorry!” the smile was beaming, heart breaking and painfully deceitful at the same time. “I was just a bit off.” the towel was shrugged off her shoulders, and she got up. After letting her mask fall down for so long, she had picked it so fast that it knocked the air off his lungs.

Uraraka got up, purposefully hiding her grimace while going to choose a movie. No matter how much she tried to act, after such a deadly silence, he knew something was wrong with her. His frown deepened, hands clenched in frustration– he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t let his care for her show.

After all, this girl belonged to another damned bastard. He was the first one who didn’t want it to be that way, but fuck his luck, really.

She threw him the pen drive. “Earth to King of Doom! Is this fine–“

He threw her the towel so she’d finish his handiwork. “Dry your fucking hair, you raincloud! I don’t wanna have my dorm getting puddles of water.”

“Opsies, sorry.” once the towel was in her hands, she stepped away from his laptop – he was dangerously glaring at her – and started getting rain off her hair. Her bowl cut had turned into a bird nest in a matter of seconds, all thanks to his careless hands. Her expression turned devilishly nasty as she strode towards him in silence, then buried his hair in the towel and started rubbing the cloth up and down.

Bakugou furiously tried to get rid of that pest of a girl by tugging at her sweater sleeves, feet pounding on the ground. “OI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!”

She giggled while resuming her previous work of drying her own mess. “You needed to see what it–“ her towel was taken from her as he looked at her, growling like an angry dog. “Oh. Oh my.”

His hair was so disarrayed and messy– his spikes were pointed in wrong angles, some shrunk into curves and other weighed down because of the wetness of the towel, causing some of his strands to be completely fucked up. Other parts were fuzzy and askew. The whole picture was sinful and hilarious. It didn’t take time for her to notice how embarrassed and stupidly angry he looked to just burst out laughing. She ended up having to sit down.

He was having a hard time. His hands were throbbing to find any sort of pointy object to pop his eyes out– her laugh was so nasal, loud and honest that it was both irritating and adorable.

“O-oh my g-oo–“ laughs, laughs, and he grew even more flustered as he dried some of his spikes and set them in the right directions while looking at a mirror on his closet. “That- that’s a masterpiece-e! Best Je-Jeanist would–“

He immediately turned to her with decent hair – not perfectly fine, still a bit wet –, throwing the towel to her in a futile attempt of shutting her up. “Don’t you dare bring that guy’s name up!” she still went on laughing a few meters away from him, hands reaching for the towel. “He’s such a sassy motherfucker…”

Her laughing fit stopped – finally, he groaned – as she started rubbing the towel on particularly wet points of her hair. “I’m sorry, but that hairdo will show you how you can’t mess with my hair ever again.”

He arched an eyebrow to her. He could have cut her hair short and thrown it to a bin and get it all over with – of course she wouldn’t see that he had been gentle. That little smile on her stupid face showed that she had noticed his intentions though, but it’s not like she’d ever thank him for giving her a beehive as a hair style.

“I mean,” the towel was removed from her hair, revealing a ball of brown locks. “what’s wrong with you?”

Bakugou spared her with a few seconds of silence before walking to her, sitting down in close proximity and putting some hairs back where they belonged. He did it with such slow pace and intent that she was momentarily breathless. Forgotten was her prior silence and problems outside the room. His fingers would sometimes brush her cold, sensitive skin– his finger pads burned her. All she could feel and see was his pale skin and his burning flames softening from a hair to another.

He focused on putting the mess he made in a minute back together, focusing in everything but her unblinking eyes– oh, how soft they were, and how easy it was to dive into an airless sea of monsters, darkness and frightening tides, only to look into her eyes and peek inside her soul, see what had been troubling her earlier and what she felt– what she felt for him, for the world, for herself. He outwardly inched a bit closer in concentration, fixated on having her with a decent hairdo so she wouldn’t bitch about it all night long.

It could also be because her presence calmed the tornado of ashes that went through him whenever her skin brushed his fingers. It could also be because he enjoyed being surrounded by darkness but her light, or how her lips were slightly parted, insinuating wait– they whispered longing in a thousand languages, screamed at him to kiss them, to bite them, to make all kinds of atrocities to those uninjured roses of hers. He heard her sigh contently for the first time in ages.

Then, of course, he had to break such tranquil moment in a whisper.

“I’ve seen you at worse times, though.”

Her spine stiffened as she looked at him, horrified after such blunt and unfortunate comment. Realizing how he had come across as violent and how her silent disposition to his touches had been shattered into smithereens, he pulled away, coughing uncomfortably. “Go get yourself a brush, you bubblehead. Stop fucking bitching about it.”

There she was with the giggle business, touching the parts he had merely arranged on instinct. She could still feel the touch of a man that, despite the hell outside the room, could make her feel like nothing once and, suddenly, build her a monument and make her feel special and all giddy inside. And she had no idea why. “Thanks for the help, Bakugou.”

In some way, she was pouring much more meaning than what one could catch. He did notice how gentle her voice was, and the rasp in her vowels and the tiny tiny smile. It made him only more aware of her presence and it was disturbing.

He didn’t dare to speak against her and hummed a response, scrolling through his movie archive with skeptic eyes. A minute later, she had already settled in front of his bed with an army of fluffy pillows and his whole futon torn from the mattress. Such heresy struck him like a bolt, pointing at his naked mattress in pure horror.

“What fucking fortress are you building on the floor, you bitch?” he grabbed his laptop – in a Bakugou way: violently – and flung it in front of her, crashing next to her. Since her makeshift sofa was relatively small, they had to sit close to each other. None of them had a complaint against the arrangement, though. Well, Bakugou did in a way. “Couldn’t you have done this on the bed so this would be less messy?”

She blinked at him, again with that unimpressed look only she would pull at him. “Yeah. But where’s the fun on a movie night without a messy arrangement?”

“There were many other ways to go about this.” spoke he, refusing to believe that she had done all this mess for the sake of being fun – then, he realized that Uraraka was damn crazy and random when he never asked for it. He still loved it anyway. “We could have gotten some blankets and settled on the bed with a few of them, or taken those puffs and set them in front of the table...”

Another suggestion rushed through his mind, but he didn’t dare to word it. However, the way he voiced his ideas made it clear that he had another way for them. She gestured with her hands for him to go on. Rose twinkled in his cheeks– thank god it was dark in the evening and there were clouds and rain all over the sky. Uraraka’s presence made it all quieter and the rain, one way or another, was forgotten in the heat of their previous banter.

He nodded to the bed. “We could take the bed, lay down under the futon, pillows, and just put the damn laptop on that table.”

The idea sounded cuddly as hell, and it spelled intimacy and a level of closeness that they clearly weren’t ready for. She blushed at the idea of sharing a bed with Bakugou– but fuck, what could go wrong? It was just a movie night and it sounded horribly comfortable. Some healthy snuggles in a perfectly fine and fluffy bed, warm and possible cuddles – she needed some cuddles to get past today’s tiring and draining hell – sounded like a plan to her.

She nodded and hurriedly climbed up the naked mattress, watching his face go from unbelieving to smirking. “I would have never thought that getting you in my fucking bed would be so damn easy, angelface.”

That

that was weird.

She blushed in all kinds of red as he put the comforter around them, elbows touching as they set their heads on their arms. Oh, that shameful expression of hers made all kind of delicious twists in his stomach. He wasn’t one for making people blush or trying to make girls’ panties drench– but hell, he had to fucking try. He was always in for making people ashamed, especially if it was the out-going, witty and fearless Uraraka.

The moment they were lying down, him quickly getting the movie started with that mischievous glint in his eye– oh, she was in for a horrible night.

A moment later, the movie was started, both teenagers fighting for a good posture under the thick feather blanket. Their eyes were deeply focused on the shitty movie Bakugou had once again chosen – he was so stupidly dramatic and over the top when it came to filmography – but their hearts were beating irrationally fast. They would sneak glances at each other when one would reach out for popcorn, or water. Also each time Uraraka tried to get some goodies Bakugou would slap her hand away, lest the incident from the previous day happened again.

Whenever his arms flexed to reach out for snacks or just shut her mumbling by smashing her head against the pillows, she’d gulp. Being so close to a man, to a beast in the skin of a not-so-humble man– his hair was again a bit disheveled, making her wonder for the first time if he regularly brushed his mess of spikes, or if he just shook his hair after a shower like dogs do and made it roll like that.

Her fingers travelled to his head, then he flinched and glared at her from the corners of his eyes. Incandescent orbs threatened her to suffocate her in flames and hands on her throat. She chuckled as the softness of his tresses – something she had never really stopped to think about but was currently enjoying to her heart’s content.

His voice bubbled inside her chest. “The fuck’re you doing, pest.”

Her fingers continued threading around his locks. “Your hair was a bit messy; I’m just making you a favor.”

His face buried itself on his arms. The tension music echoed around them, making her uneasy as she absent-mindedly combed his hair and focused on the movie. His blush went unnoticed for her, and he unconsciously nuzzled on her soft, tender hands– dude, stop.

He abruptly pulled her hand away with a grimace, but his discomfort wasn’t noticed either. His reflexes had kicked in too late, now he had lost his cool again. Goddammit, what was this girl doing to him? His hands fisted the mattress and started tugging at it, all while Uraraka fawned over the protagonist’s back story and murder reasons– her face when she did the thing with the fingers, all interested in such stupid stuff annoyed him so much.

Nevertheless, Bakugou had never felt so at ease yet struggling to keep himself in check around someone. Her proximity was dawning on him like a bug on his back, nonsense dots of gee shining in her brown eyes. Sometimes, he’d catch her glancing at him for a second or two, maybe to check if he was enjoying the movie as much as she was.

In all honesty, having his newfound love interest less than an inch away from him wasn’t helping him. He had all odds against him: not only the movie was bland and cheap, but he had this fidgety, sweet and mumbling adorable Uraraka elbowing him to focus. He could do anything but focus on the movie. He dug his chin on the skin of his arms– he tried for all his remaining sanity not to look at her.

So… he didn’t. He snuggled his elbows and looked either at his bureau in a corner of the room or at the movie. Bakugou shifted on the mattress, and felt her squirm after a moment of contact. Not long after that he’d discover that she wasn’t really making a fuss over his skin brushing hers– his heart did stop for a second and the hairs on his nape shot dramatically. Glancing at the movie with spare annoyance, he discovered that the movie was reaching its romantic climax.

Classic female in distress was confessing, moved to tears by a male who had sacrificed himself for her safety– her whole being was trembling, quivering in hear and succumbing to the harsh reality that her beloved was dying. Ah, apparently, some shit scary monster had stabbed the loser with an axe. Bakugou had the urge to scoff. Too much corny stuff for him to deal with in a horror movie. Expecting Uraraka to be giggling at this bullshit scene, he smirked, ready to make a snarky, vicious remark for the first time–

She was crying. Her eyes stared at the screen as if she had seen a child die in the hands of a murderer. Her orbs were blown wide, mouth ajar and her hair was a mess again– it was a ghost portrait of what Uraraka was. Her cheeks were puffy, eyes glassy and his heart wrenched awkwardly in his chest. Her shoulders shook slightly, the lowest of hiccups issuing from her ribcage in a broken lullaby.

Whatever underlying distress she was going through, he couldn’t ask. But he could make her speak, too.

“Oi, Uraraka.” sighed he. The aforementioned immediately brushed her tears away and smiled like she always did – but it didn’t reach her eyes, it wasn’t genuine, and Bakugou was sick of it. “Stop crying, it’s a goddamn cheesy piece of garbage.”

Her head turned to the screen in slow motion, then, stared at it blankly. “Yeah, sorry.”

So this was the part about being understanding and shit that Kirishima told him about, huh? Bakugou laid his forehead on his arms, awfully tired. All the patience he had been keeping inside for whatever time she needed help with anything petty, all the hopes he had for this night to be more peaceful, for it to be spectacular, eventful, and possibly end with them a bit cuddled under the blankets– ok, maybe not that, of course Bakugou would never cuddle with someone again. All those expectations flew out the window and crashed ten feet below the earth surface.

“Uraraka.”

Still slightly doe-eyed, she looked at him with wonder. “I ain’t gonna pry whatever shit you have going on from you. If something’s bothering you, whatever the fuck it is, tell me. Feeling you cry beside me is annoying and I’m not gonna have this night screwed over again.”

He could have been gentler, but Bakugou didn’t do gentleness or tactful approaches. He would have liked to bask in her warmth and sweetness, but her tears had stirred something in him. Of course he wouldn’t ask – it was not his business. But that didn’t mean he didn’t care about her. In the wake of the day and the ending of the night he always wondered why her absence was so noticeable, or maybe he’d wonder what he could have worded differently so she would see– just see that he cared in his particular manner.

Her silence overpowered the music from the movie, making it all around him be soundless for five good minutes. This time, ironically, he could clearly hear the pitter patter of the rain against his window pane, water splashing the glass and making him wonder if Uraraka had somehow provoked this foul weather. A big storm would come soon, so all he did was move a bit closer to her to make her snap out of her tempesting haze.

Bakugou looked at her like she was his moon, and, in response, her eyes shifted to his and drenched in his blood, soaking in chaos, and just stared like he was her sun. In the wake of one and the end of another, they could only see each other for a few minutes– but after her appearance, stars would lit the dark sky like she had done with his heart, lighting sparks in parts of his body he didn’t even know.

He just needed her to know he loved her. Unilateral or not, he wanted to get the point across: she was starting to consume his world, and all he asked for was an explanation as to why it was crumbling down in pieces.

Her scrunched form suddenly found its way to his, sides touching as his hands ached to hold hers. He resisted the thought.

Uraraka breathed in.

“I confessed to Deku, today.”

A cold bucket of water soaked him to the bone, made his legs wiggle and for the first time. The unbreakable man silently swept the floor with his broken heart. However, her sniffles were the part that hurt the most. He feared to know what was coming next.

Despite the pain, she looked at him like she always did: smiling, corners trembling with the heaviness of demise. “He… didn’t return my feelings.”

His soul, brain and heart made a run for it and leaped out the window. His little red organ painfully groaned once it hit the ground, and when it tried to make its way back to its owner, it had been already broken in half again. Bakugou’s eyes trembled as he looked at her– he was dumbstruck, stunned, sad, and mostly livid at this point.

So he only dared to murmur his mess of unintelligible thoughts and articulate them in the simplest ways. “He… rejected you?”

Uraraka feebly nodded, her smile turning sour and drops of salt falling down from her eyes. Something in him was destroyed instantly after seeing her shake, crumble, crack, and finally break. Her sobs were quiet, shoulders still shaking minimally. Something told him she was holding back all the pressure that this newfound discovery had made her shoulder.

Of course she had been hoping for Deku to be drooling for her, all the class was waiting for them to fucking finally make out and proclaim their love. However, much to his surprise and discontent, the bastard had rejected her.

Uraraka. He had rejected fucking Uraraka.

His teeth started grinding, seething– Deku couldn’t be a quirkless dick, have all the luck by him, try to intimidate Bakugou, and now reject what would most probably be the best thing that ever fell in his hands. Bakugou would be the devil if he were happy for this. Of course he wasn’t, not when she was obviously in love with Deku and she was shaking like this.

He couldn’t be more than a friend, so he’d act as such.

His arm snuck around her shoulders and pulled her close, fireworks erupting in his chest as he did so. The feeling was inexplicably bitter. “What the fuck are you doing crying for that loser, angelface.”

She shuffled closer to him her head directly touching his. “I’m sorry, Ba-Bakugou… it’s just…”

He was fully aware of the next movie automatically starting, but he didn’t dare interrupt this moment. His hands awkwardly rubbed her side, up and down. He sure was shit at cheering people up. “Shoot it already.”

After one little sob, Uraraka spoke up. Her voice was chapped and completely worn off from crying. “I had expected for Deku to say that he loved me too, but… I’m sorry, I don’t usually cry in public…”

He was damn aware. And the fact that she was alright with crying in front of him– because there was silent understanding and mutual respect for each other, and they had already let their walls. She could lift him up in the air if she so desired, and, in a way, he was sure she would be willing to be set on fire by him any time he needed her to. It was an unspoken bond that only rose to the light once it was needed. And she needed him now.

“I know, angelface.” and he respected her for being so strong when others needed a flashlight to guide them through and give them hope. For that, he held her tighter.

“I’m just confused…” Uraraka painfully remembered how Deku had struck her with the truth, in the middle of the rain. He was completely unscathed by the harsh waterdrops, and now she was soaked to the core with confusion and misery. Her eyes had dropped to the ground, heart wincing in her chest after Deku had looked at her with pity like no one ever had. “His face was so… he was hurt by rejecting me.”

Bakugou grunted and messed with her hair to snap her out of it. “Stop thinking about that fucker.” eye roll ensues. “Did he tell you why? Was it because you’re a witty bitch, or maybe because you make popcorn float?”

There surfaced the camaraderie they had going on under layers of heroism and his short temper. She smiled for a brief moment, making Bakugou feel accomplished in the silliest of ways. It didn’t last though, only flickered and then fell again. “He said he wanted to focus on becoming a hero. And that he couldn’t afford a girlfriend with all that’s been happening with All Might.”

At least she wasn’t stutteting like a fish out of the water anymore. Her voice was still dragging with darkness and the usual perkiness of her vowels was completely destroyed. This Uraraka was a tragedy. And he knew it would take her a while to get over it. And despite understanding Deku’s ambitions and reasons – and maybe even respected them a tiny bit – he was furious at him all the same.

“What a douchebag.”

“It’s not his fault, Bakugou…” suddenly, she lay on her side and hugged him, snuggling with his shoulder. “I think… it’s mine.”

Her movements startled him, made him jump in the place and turn to her, as well. They were fully hugging now, laying on the mattress and him trying to awkwardly hug her back. She wouldn’t feel his touch for sure with so many raging emotions inside of her, but the slim chance of her feeling him made him react. Bakugou nuzzled her head, eyes closed.

“I just feel…” her hands gripped the back of his black shirt, shaking. “I feel like not only have I destroyed our friendship, but I feel… I don’t feel as sad as I think I should be.”

This statement brought him to confusion. “Fucking elaborate, Uraraka. I can’t read your damn thoughts.”

She stiffened, either because of his harsh words or whatever she was going to say next. “I was completely sure of what I felt for Deku. But I have been… having these thoughts, lately.” her hands loosened and they just slackened on his back. His muscles instinctively tensed. “I was sure I loved him, and I said it with so much conviction before… the crash still hurt me. Yet… I’ve been having this feeling that I may not love him in the way I thought I did. I felt like we were… meant to be. But somehow, I…”

His hand came to rub her head in the gentlest manner he could. His respect for this woman pulled her to unimaginable limits– he was blushing, shaking because this was too intimate and her presence was lulling his brash brain to sleep. Yet he wanted to do this. There was no harm on being a good friend. “What the fuck, angelface? What if he had” his grip on her grew frantic, as if she would slip away in a second. “accepted your feelings? Would you have fucking pretended to love that bastard because you just felt you were meant to be?”

“I do think I love him!” screamed she, muffled by his chest. The sound of his palpitating heart tickled her stomach. “But… I just wasn’t aware of how much. And while I do feel like I love him and shit, this hurts like fire… things changed, somehow.”

“How?”

“Well… I’m hurting no matter how much I try to convince myself that my feelings weren’t that strong. But… I’m not as sad as I would have expected.” he wanted to tell her that it was because she was strong, because she was brave and she’d heal from this– but she had different thoughts. “I think… my heart…”

Uraraka couldn’t say it. Not after all she had realized, all she had come to terms with some time ago but was refusing to admit. Her heart, made of powerful towers and strong foundings– it had been torn apart, blown to ashes. But this man with her… why did it all feel like nothing was wrong when she was in his arms? Why did she feel so… safe?

Uraraka shed more tears. Why did she feel so terrified of something she didn’t even know?

“Spit it out already. I’m not a teddybear and my shirt is a mess.”

Of course he’d sound so reluctant and stupid out of sheer instinct. He wanted to get this over with, he needed to have her in peace again so he’d be in peace again. “I’m terrified that… that all the feelings I felt for Deku, all the feelings I still feel for him… that they may be unfounded.”

Bakugou frowned for the first time in too long. “Uraraka…”

“I feel that” her fingers trapped the fabric of his chest, feeling his heart beating under her palm. It was awfully soothing. “My heart is so out of control now. And I’m hurting. But all I can think about is how hurt he looked, and how little I’m hurting. But I still feel like the truth would have hurt more, and I think it may be because– because I…”

Uraraka trailed off. Bakugou put the pieces together in silence.

“So you’re all messed up…” he weighed the impact of his words wistfully. “because you think that, despite loving him so much, you are not fucking sobbing all over the goddamn building. So you think that your love for the bastard wasn’t as strong as you thought.” he felt nod. “You’re hurting because you are not hurting.”

“I feel like my heart has lied to me, and that’s why I’m still breathing. That even though I felt like I loved him… I didn’t feel what love may be like.” cried she, tears subsiding. “My heart didn’t beat as hard as it should, or that my skin doesn’t tingle when he touches me. I felt like I loved him, my admiration drove me to that conclusion but…”

The idea of Uraraka experimenting those sensations with somebody else other than Deku struck him like a knife. It hurt like hell that maybe Deku wasn’t her only option – he should have known there could be other people chasing after her. She was pretty, nice and talented. If he, the stone man Bakugou, had fallen for her, anybody could.

Fingers snuck through her hairs while her arms circled him again in a petite hug. The movie, long ago forgotten, blared in front of them. “So you were fucking wrong.”

Her nod only made her snuggle more against him. A grunted sigh escaped his lips outwardly, feeling her whole being against him. No matter how severe the matter was, her presence was keeping at him at bay– his ire had calmed down, only feeling the thick air around them prop him higher and higher until he was facing the moon of her dark irises. His muscles were yet to get loose after the agitation of Deku’s rejection.

He had rejected Uraraka and made her end up like this. The queen of fortitude and happiness was gliding down the slippery slope of a lie – all because Deku had messed with– misled her. Bakugou was pretty damn sure that Deku knew about her feelings for him, yet he decided to not call her on it despite knowing about it all growing in her mind– and their game went on til’ tonight.

But, if Deku had accepted her feelings, would it had been any better? Ugh. These situations were the main reason why Bakugou never dared to peek into these fucking dramatic issues. Thinking about it was giving him a pounding headache.

“Uraraka.” mumbled he, feeling her still and quiet for the first time that night. “When you say you don’t feel that shit with Deku…” the suggestion was evident in his voice, dripping with a bit of jealousy and embarrassment. “does that mean you have felt it with somebody else, then?”

“A-Ah.” among his flustered state, his chest felt the heat of her face. He knew what she was thinking almost instantly, and his flustered blush spread to his ears. “Well… you could say I have…” she pursed her lips, thankful for the darkness in the room and how she could hide her face on his chest.

She didn’t dare say anything else, because it had been too much of an emotional day to dwell into how her breathing was erratic, or that the air in the room wasn’t enough– suddenly, they weren’t in the room anymore, they were flying in the sky, embracing each other in a sweet grip. He was a bit too strong, probably trying to hold in his anger for Deku, but she was endlessly caring in her touches and caresses. Every time her fingers slid along his pearly skin, or touched his hair, he wanted to fly.

And every time he looked at her, her heart pounded irresistibly hard against her bones, exploding when he was too near, and dying when his lips were an inch nearer than needed. His touches were like feathers falling on her, the touch of a fearful animal doubting on where to caress, unsure of what to do. He was a fearsome monster that would crawl behind her without losing its dignity.

Why hadn’t she ever felt this with Deku?

What were those emotions that were making her hurt somehow?

And why was it so painful to smell his shirt and feel closer to a future home? What was this?

“Then,” whispered Bakugou, pulling away from her now that she was fully calm, collected and controlled after the breakdown. “do you love Deku, angelface?”

Her answer was almost instantaneous. “I don’t think I can say I don’t, because the pain– it’s still here, Bakugou. The fact that I may have screwed our friendship is nagging at me. But at the same time, I’m confused.”

“Confused?” yes, Bakugou was socially disabled, and couldn’t see that the fact that Uraraka was madly blushing at him was a big hint of where the confusion came from.

She nodded, pulling away a bit as well to give him space. “The rejection still hurts despite it being a lie. After all, this false feeling– or whatever this was, it felt nice, and I thought he felt the same, too. I’m just a bit beaten up, that’s all.”

Her eyes fluttered close for a second, and he brushed a strand of hair away. Too much for a tranquil night with her. Still, the hush between them was brushing all their fears away, leaving them restless. Her eyes opened again, revealing that little spark of hers ignited by warmth and the reflection of his desire for her. His eyes travelled to her parted lips, shining in the darkness.

That was the worst time to kiss her. Yet, given the unholy mess she had become, he wanted to make it all feel better by kissing the pain out of her– wanted to make her sigh, smile, giggle his name and not her offender’s. Why couldn’t fate be merciful with him?

“You know,” there was that little giggle of hers again. His stomach made summersaults upon those little squeals and pearls of uninterrupted joy. “you can be a real softie when you want to.”

That was when his frown was again wrinkling his angular features, eyes bulging and fangs showing once again. Her heart fluttered out of her mouth for some reason. “Oi, who are you calling a softie!? Weren’t you my guest, and I’d kick you out!”

Normalization was good. This jump from sadness, crying, to just normal Bakugou raging over the littlest of details– it gave her life in a thousand spoken ways. “You can actually kick me out.” Bakugou squinted at her. “But I doubt you will.”

“Fuck off already, Uraraka.”

The gravity bender laughed naturally, showing her teeth and leaving her in a grinning mess afterwards. She turned, face down, and looked at the suspended screen of his laptop. “I think we kinda lost track of the movie, huh.”

His fist shot out of the blanket, face down as well, like before all this mess ensued. “And who’s fault is it, you damn crybaby!”

She bumped him with her elbow playfully, smirking at his antics. “Stop being so extra and get a damn movie already.”

“Oi, are you going on at me with the extra shit again? Who are you calling extra, you damn bitch?”

And despite the fact that she was looking undeniably better than ten minutes ago, Bakugou made a friendly reminder to himself to have a little chat with the quirkless bastard the day after.

A day after the storm, the explosive teenager was ready to start his bastard hunting.

Bakugou was sitting near the dorm building, rays of Friday cloudy sunrise reflecting on his blonde tresses. His hands were deep in his pockets, backpack readied with all his books and his jacket blowing with the morning wind. His usually serene but moody features were constricted into a deep frown and a constant glare at whatever thing that moved in his peripheral vision.

Thus, when he spotted Deku leaving for class on his own, very possibly the last one to exit the building, Bakugou’s eyes instantly narrowed. The tears on his short from Uraraka’s bratty crying and how she had wailed for her heart to stop hurting– and oh, how he had heard sobbing behind her door when he dropped her at her room, how quickly she had broken down once danger was not a threat.

Yeah, she was always dealing with her feelings in the shadows– alone, right?

Not anymore.

Once the freckle boy was nearby, Bakugou coughed, making Deku look at him. The latter started sputtering, and when Bakugou’s expression turned potentially threatening, he tried to hurry away. He wasn’t having none of his murdering business this early in the morning, especially having some serious talk to do with Uraraka.

Before he could scurry away, the beast with fangs seized him by his shirt and dragged him to a shadowy side of the residence, morning dim light hitting all over the place but around them.

And once they were successfully hidden from the public eye, Bakugou wasted no time in smashing the teen onto the concrete wall, grimace deeper than imaginable. He wanted to punch this guy, pound the living lights out of him– but he couldn’t. As much as he hated Midoriya, as much as he wanted to hurt him because he had hurt Uraraka in a way…

She wasn’t his. But he could still call him out on her actions as her friend.

“What the fuck is your goddamn problem, bastard!?” yelled Bakugou, his hands already producing sparks to vent the anger he was feeling. It was pure adrenaline, notion of knowing that he had a damn reason for once to insult him. “What the fuck are you doing rejecting angelface like that!?”

It seems like Deku had been giving the very same topic some thought, because he snapped the moment he mentioned Uraraka. “Why are you calling me out on this, Kacchan?” Midoriya’s distress was evident. There were heavy bags under his eyes, teeth clenched, and fists as tightly squeezed as possible.

But Bakugou paid no heed to his worry about the matter, just wanted to get answers out of him. “Because I had Uraraka crying to me for a solid hour, telling me how fucking messed up she was because you rejected her yesterday!” his vice grip only tightened, and he crashed the other’s head against the concrete once again. “Give me a fucking answer as to why she isn’t enough for you, nerd!”

“Is it my fault that I don’t feel the way she does, that I am already planning my life beforehand!?” tears were gathering at the corners of Midoriya’s eyes. Damn crybaby loser. Bakugou snarled. “Can’t I have higher ambitions than her, and have my goals–“

Bakugou punched him on the face, knocking him to the ground below. Deku didn’t even try to get up, just winced and rubbed the sore spot. The blonde looked down at him, red eyes burning with intense fervor and bloodthirst.

“I hadn’t intended to come and use damn violence against a nerd like you.” scowled Bakugou, sweat running down his forehead with emotion. He cleaned some of it with his wrist. “But you ain’t gonna say to me that her goals are in any sort higher than yours, when I’m pretty damn sure you know her motivations. Don’t try to sell me some drama material, bastard.”

Deku looked up, mute and unable to speak a word. Bakugou only glared harder at him. “You have two ways out of this, nerd.” he spit near his enemy, face deformed in a perpetual wince. “You can run away like a fucking coward, or answer my questions. If you wanna leave, do it now.”

But the other didn’t make a move. Instead, he stared at the ground below him, still sitting. Bakugou gripped his shoulder and forcefully picked him up. Midoriya stood in the shadows, face cast down– and Bakugou stood in front of his classmate, uneven spots of sun between clouds hitting on his face and making him look like an ethereal being when such notion was far from reality.

Bakugou was a fearsome monster, somebody who was to be respected. He was awkward, protective, socially lacking and incredibly talented. This time though, he was being needy, too– needy for answers, needy for closure on what Deku had done to wrench Uraraka’s heart so powerfully.

Deku had had her in his grip and just… squeezed all happiness out of her.

“Help me fucking understand, Deku.” mumbled Bakugou, making his way to him again. His hand travelled to his already wrinkled collar, trembling with bottled up rage– oh no, there was a big storm coming. “If you had this thing about being a single hero – or whatever business you had, then–“

Bakugou’s spine hunched over, teeth clenched together. Her whimpers the feel of her hot body against his still ran deep in his blood, not providing good aid to help the situation. The blonde was sinking inside, feeling how rage took over him, a wave of rushing curses and violence coming to him like it had never come before. These walls, the four walls of his existence were fracturing, starting to show creaks of fire coming through–

Then, he just screamed at him and his fist came flying to Deku’s stomach. “WHY GIVE HER THE HOPE, WHY LEAD HER ON WHEN YOU HAD PLANNED ON REMAINING FUCKING SINGLE!” his voice boomed at top of his lungs, deep and hoarse. “Why make her wait, why make her make the move just to– JUST TO FUCKING REJECT HER LIKE YOU HAD PLANNED TO!”

Bakugou would have been fine with Deku not reciprocating her feelings, or just having feelings for someone else. It wouldn’t have hurt Bakugou to death to see Uraraka tie the knot with Deku in the end, either– at least she’d be fucking happy.

But everyone knew Uraraka had feelings for Deku. It’d be nonsensical for the very same boy not to notice. So Bakugou punched the wall, making cracks on the surface. “I can’t fucking understand how you call yourself her friend when you knew her feelings– because you…”

He glared at the panting teen on the ground again, and a shadow passed by his eyes. The fact that he refused to stand on his feet again told him all he needed. “because you knew about her feelings, didn’t you.”

Deku nodded curtly, a tear trailing down his cheek. “I should have fucking known–“

“But I also knew…”he watched as Midoriya removed some dirt from his face, breathing hard. “I also knew that her feelings… I knew she’d let go of them. I knew her feelings…”

A droplet of heaven water fell down Bakugou’s arm, but he didn’t give a damn. All he could see was a boy who had played with Uraraka, someone who was trying to find excuses… as if he knew the truth. Uraraka’s feelings might have ended up being a lie to her– she had started feeling stronger things for someone, it seems. She felt that true love was bubbling in the surface of her heart, stronger feelings and emotions sparking up in her compared to the petty butterflies Deku just provoked.

But whether her feelings were feeble, he had hurt her anyway. She was confused: she had fallen in love for the longest of months, found that she felt more for someone else while still loving Deku, confessed, and gotten her heart broken to only find that she wasn’t entirely disgusted, just heartbroken.

Unfounded feelings or not, they had been there. And Deku had played with her. Bakugou kneeled in front of his opponent. “She fucking loves you, asshole. And you basically told her that being a hero matters more to you than her.”

“She doesn’t love me, Kacchan.” sputtered Deku, vocally grumpy. This was the roughest part of Midoriya that Bakugou had never seen. “And I’m sure you know that.”

“And how in hell would you know that.” deadpanned Bakugou, hands flinching with violent urges.

“Have you seen… her eyes, lately?” oh, so he had noticed the lack of stars in the sky of her eyes. “They… didn’t shine as much. Something had changed, Kacchan– somebody made her change. The way she looked at me after yesterday… I just realized how it had all gone downhill, it was crystal clear then.”

There was a moment of silence between them, rain starting to pour from the sky in slow pours of random droplets. Bakugou seemed unaffected by the weather, only preoccupied with injuring this bastard real hard. “She may have found a better partner for her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still hold fucking feelings for you, idiot. Even if she tries to let them go, it will take her a damn lot of time.”

Midoriya dug his nails on the concrete of the floor, his heart shaking uncontrollably and painfully constricting his train of thoughts. He visualized Uraraka, smiling at him with those beaming eyes of hers, and her hair floating in a halo. The thought of her crying didn’t bode well with him, maybe because he had never seen her cry.

But Bakugou had. Why?

“If she has found that there are better things for her out there, I’ll never be the one to hold her down, Kacchan.”

“You said you didn’t know this at the time you rejected her – but after. Don’t come spitting lies at me, bastard.” still kneeling, he grabbed his throat in confusion and anger. “Don’t tell me you did it for her. At least be fucking honest and tell me you wanted to give priority to your career, and not her. I don’t think you were unaware of what she felt for you.”

“Are you calling me dumb?”

“I am dumb. I am dense and slow with these things. But look how quickly I caught you.” he didn’t let Deku go. “I am calling you stupid because you knew that she had feelings for you. You didn’t know about her stuff because this was a pretty damn newfound discovery when she actually came fucking crying after that and I was the first one to know. So don’t come at me with that crap.”

“She doesn’t love me!”

“DENYING THE TRUTH WON’T GET YOU ANYWHERE, ASSHOLE!” his voice was thick with emotion, veins popped wide and eyes bulging out of their sockets. His fingertips burnt. “She still fucking loves you like the silly bitch she is, and will still hurt for a long time. I already fucking told you: the fact that she has found her feelings were somewhat fake ain’t mean she’s over you.”

“I didn’t mean to mislead her. I never meant to–“

“But you still did anyway.” snarled the red-eyed boy, irises pointy in disdain towards the excuse of a hero in front of him. “You were all blushy with her, showering her in gifts and stuff while you fucking knew she loves you– you never even acted on your feelings like Uraraka did. At least she had the decency to be brave and tell you. The fact that she later discovered that there may be other options is irrelevant to the fucking clear damn fact that you broke her heart.”

Midoriya made an attempt to get up as Bakugou propped himself up. “It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.”

The blonde rose an eyebrow at him. His face was already injured, face swollen and purple wounds already darkening his cheek– yet he was still defending himself. The nerve of this dude. “If I had accepted her feelings, if she knew of other options around her, it wouldn’t have mattered.” he coughed bitterly, “She knew there were other options for her, right? She may love me, but those other options would have surely nagged at her no matter how much she loved me. She wouldn’t be able to live knowing there’s much more to love than what I offered.”

And he was right about that. Uraraka was always in for the 100%, not less than that. But the point still stood out. “Yet you didn’t cut her feelings short. It doesn’t matter how she’s feeling now about her feelings, but how she was feeling right then about you. You let her believe she had opportunities with you when what you should have done was tell her straight away that you didn’t want anything with her, you miserable asshole – so shut your damn mouth, I hate liars.”

“Kacchan–“

“I SAID SHUT UP!” Bakugou pinned him to the ground, punching his ribs. Hard. Hit after hit, Deku became more aware of the fact that Bakugou wasn’t using his quirk– he didn’t want to destroy him to death, just feel him hurting so her suffering was compensated somehow. No matter how much he hit, pounded, and grunted at him, Deku didn’t budge. “What are you–“

His talking haltered when Deku flashed him a smile, one of those unreasonable smiles he had whenever he was in danger– that stupid grin that got him out of all trouble. And Bakugou was sick of it. “I am sorry for what I caused to Uraraka. I’m sorry that I misled her in a way that led us to this but… I would have hurt her either way, Kacchan.”

The aforementioned looked up to the sky, expression turning grim as rain cascaded down the sky in hues of rose. “Don’t come at me with your glittery business, Deku. If I weren’t so tired after last night, I would surely punch you for a damn while to my heart’s fucking content. You hurt her more this way, bastard.” Bakugou cleaned some rain from his face. The drizzle was light enough to damp but not as light as to go unnoticed.

The explosive teenager was soon getting up again, showing Deku who was still the boss there. “I am glad it’s over and that angelface can go on in life without worrying about a dick like you. But I ain’t forgetting this any time soon. Nor is Uraraka.”

“I will apologize to Uraraka properly as soon as I see her–“

“But you know, Deku.” spoke Bakugou, as softly as he could still be in his agitated state. “I’m both fucking angry and disappointed with how things turned out. It’s not like I trust you or anything, because I think you still are a lucky motherfucker.” intense glare at the boy, who frowned back. “But I would have never thought that you, of all people, would do things like these.”

“Kacchan, I…”

The explosive teen removed his jacket and tied it around his waist, palms rippling with small explosions. They’d soon be late for class and he’d be damned if he let Kirishima tease him for being a sleepyhead. “You don’t get to fucking apologize to me, asshole.” one of his hands dug into a pocket again, the other grabbing his backpack tight. “Get the fuck up, loser.”

And the aforementioned complied quickly, brushing off some dust. Bakugou wasn’t done yet. “You may be all the good guy you wanna, I’m cool with hero wannabes – after all, I can always punch the shit out of them or ignore them. But as soon as you interfere with my life, you’re done for.”

And then he glared at him with the same passionate, burning and possessive stare of his. “Don’t go near Uraraka to confuse her. Don’t fucking dare do your glitter-glitter-blush thing because I’ll kick your sorry ass to a thombstone. If I see you step in the wrong direction, you’re fucking dead. Got it?”

That last line was whispered so harshly and menacingly that Deku had to step back to feel out of his rage zone. However, with so much burning hatred throbbing in Bakugou’s voice, came a shocking realization for Deku. He stared at his classmate, taken aback by the rush of information that crashed within him as Bakugou was, slowly, making his way to the school.

“Kacchan, wait!” called Midoriya. And the blonde stood still, waiting for whatever bullshit he had to say. “Why… why are you so interested on Uraraka’s wellbeing? What has gotten into you?”

Bakugou looked at the face of his sworn enemy. Purple swells marred his fair cheeks, and dirt was caked on his hair after being on the ground with the mud for so long. The blonde turned around and took his leave. When Midoriya was once again going to demand answers, Bakugou answered in the most humble, defeated voice somebody had ever heard intoned.

“Isn’t it obvious, bastard?” but he kept on walking. “She’s gotten into me.”

Fifteen minutes after the confrontation between both boys, Bakugou made his entrance two minutes later after the bell had rung. Everybody felt him internally fuming, not completely satisfied with the outcome of his fight with Midoriya– no one dared speak. Something big had happened.

It was when a very beaten Deku entered the classroom, one exact minute later than Bakugou, that everyone made the connection. However, only one person in particular was able to put the dots together.

Bakugou glanced behind him to see Uraraka glowering at him, her teeth clenched and her pencil broken in twain. That what when he knew that he had fucked up again. And the feeling sunk his heart deep again.

Bakugou could almost see it, the freedom of a heavy day. His backpack felt especially massive on his shoulders, grasped with his calloused hands. The bruises from the fight, still fresh after being washed with morning dew, hurt his mistreated fingers. His jacked had become a wrinkled mess after carrying it around tied at his waist. Some teachers had called him out on it because of etiquette and stuff, but Bakugou hadn’t been paying attention.

Why, despite having poured all his frustrations on Deku – like a bully, he knew, but also in a deserved way because that kid had been a jerk –, despite having ignored Uraraka for the rest of the day and, even having talked stuff out with Kirishima– why. Why wasn’t that feeling out of his heart?

Bakugou sighed while making his way to the dorm building. The feeling of remorse, ashes of anger and that nagging feeling that Deku hadn’t been ounished enough– they were consuming him, eating him alive as hours tumbled around him. Where had his walls gone? Why had they collapsed after Uraraka had dared to step near them?

Of course he wouldn’t be used to the idea of being so emotionally exposed – after all, no one had ever dared to step near the sanctuary of his heart excepting her. Why wasn’t he satisfied with the beating, with seeing Deku to the ground? Was it because he had been relatively unfazed by his brutality, as if he was trying to make Bakugou believe he was a weakling? or, was there anything else left?

“Bakugou!”

Of course there was something left. There was everything left.

Bakugou heard the dainty steps of her feet running towards him. His step haltered just before the steps to the building, but didn’t dare to turn around. The sky had been watered with pinks, reds, and sun bathed clouds, giving birth to a golden lighting around them. He could picture how beautiful she would look in the midst of the path, her eyes determined to talk him off and her smile– it was always her smile what broke him, so cute and cheesy.

Her run stopped five good meters behind him. Bakugou finally turned around three seconds later, a hand on his pockets and the shallowest of expressions painting his face. There she was, of course she was there, like she had always been to torture him and, deep inside, he had a feeling that she’d always be there.

It was down to him and her. The wind blew around their halted bodies, staring at each other in wonder and surprise. It felt like centuries had passed ever since they last saw each other– all they could remember was the warmth of the other’s arms, the shine of her eyes and the fire, blood and metal in his deep, hellish eyes. Everything that had to do with her was heaven, a world of colors and sunshine. All he had was a void world of curses and solitude.

Yet, there they were, world sunk in black and golden as the sun glared on them. Uraraka’s eyes were slowly recovering their spark, stealing fire from his stance. He repared on how her hands were shaking, limp by her sides, and her breath was labored.

He didn’t realize, but his was also clumsy, stuck in his stomach and inflating his anxiety to see her, to touch her and please, please pray for her to be fine.

“Bakugou…”

He spit, guard back up upon the cold tone of her voice. “I thought we were above the name basis, angelface.”

“Give it a rest.” bit she, snarling and taking a step further. “I’m not like the others, I’m not going to leave so easily no matter how much you try to kick me out – just stop it.”

His silence welcomed her, mildly ashamed that she was being so stubborn on him but, mostly, because he couldn’t find a smart remark to keep her at bay. There was no point on denying it, she had long ago crossed the barrier.

Seeing her tear-stricken face, it seems like he may have also crossed her barriers too, because the way her eyes shone when looking at him was heart wrenching to watch, passion and frustration fighting for dominance. Was he hurting her in anyway?

Bakugou was going to turn and walk away again when her voice called after him again, cracking chords in the middle.

“Stop running away from me!”

So he stopped, eyes wide like stars and limbs tense under her control.

He could hear her shivering, struggling to get the words out. Was his presence troubling her as much as hers did to him? And why was she the only thing he could hear? The rustle of her hair against her face, riding the wind, or the battling of her eyelashes while fighting the tears…

She could only cry in front of him, couldn’t she?

“Why…” it came wavery, low and growling. There was a fight going on, and it definitely was not funny. “Why did you have to beat him up?”

Bakugou chuckled. Of course she would still defend him even after all the ruckus the previous day – it was Uraraka. She was always standing up for those in between, even if she had no reason to. “He deserved more than what I gave him. That fucker–“

“Shut up.”

“He misled you, Uraraka.”

“I said shut up!” screamed Uraraka as loud as she could, face reduced to a mess of wrinkles and unwanted tears. “I don’t wanna hear none of that bullshit, Bakugou!”

It was his time to fully turn to her, striding. “Why are you still defending that nerd when he gave you hopes all along, Uraraka?” he was a meter away from her, but it seemed like an abyss between them was widening and tearing them apart. It was unnerving to have her in reach, yet so far.  “He hurt you, for fuck’s sake. What were you crying so much for yesterday if you’re gonna stick to him despite those conflicted feelings you have?”

The way he called her, how he softly as he would only do tried to speak to her. Uraraka could feel his heart trying to approach hers, making all those emotions he had just mentioned jump in circles in her stomach. Suddenly, she was sinking, spinning, left dizzy and ever so sick with the aftermath of a rejection.

The weight of an unrequited, yet fake love… it hung on her, as well.

“He’s still my friend, Bakugou.” growled she, feet flinching in advance. “And I don’t understand why you, ironically of all people, would go and use him as a punching sack.”

His jaw tensed and clenched, eyes darting inside of hers. The stars of determination and recovery illuminated the darkness of misery, and his fires chased her fears away. It was an incredible spectacle. “Maybe because I do have business with him, angelface. And trust me, punching the hell out of him, after yesterday, wasn’t fucking enough.”

“After yesterday?” his words lingered in the golden rays of sunshine for a minute, clouding her vision as the terrible truth came to realization. “Don’t tell me– please, tell me you didn’t because of that, Bakugou.”

Bakugou refused to give a straight answer, so he wobbled around the attack and dodged the accusation as calculatedly as possible. “He didn’t deserve to go off without punishment, roundface. Not after having misled you for so long.”

“He isn’t–“

His bruised hands clutched her forearms, alarm and urgency in his red eyes. “Stop fucking denying that he hasn’t, already! He knew about your feelings, Uraraka. And if I knew about this, I’ll never fucking believe you didn’t know.”

The gravity manipulator didn’t know why, but the ground below her shattered and swallowed her quickly, leaving her in a cramped place. Her lungs constricted and refused to let her breath, because, because–

“I knew.”

He let her go, apprehensive of what she’d say next. There was this leisure smile on her face, painted against her will. She knew for too damn long.

“A part of me thought that if he was playing along was because he knew the drill and just… decided to play along. I arrived to the conclusion that he liked me back.”

And this was why Bakugou had given Deku such a hard beating– it was because of this. The way the stars in her eyes crashed to tears and how her smile faltered while murmuring sentences, drowning in the hard reality that a man she once came to love didn’t love her back, but even if he did, he’d choose being a hero over her. And she couldn’t find the heart to tell him he was wrong. Alas, so didn’t Bakugou, who despite having given Deku all sorts of wounds, still felt unsatisfied.

“But, even if I’ve reached the conclusion that I didn’t really love him– that it was a weak compared to these conflicted feelings, which I can’t name…” her head was held down, neck shaking in confusion. There were no strangled noises or major fidgeting, so there was on sobbing. She was trembling with fear, so vulnerable for once in front of her. In a way, he also wanted to cry. “Why is it that I still hurt over Deku? I don’t…”

Bakugou stepped an inch nearer when her voice raised a notch higher than usual. His hands felt the ghost of her skin caressing his soul, the flames of his eyes licking the sun that hit on her shoulders. “You still love him, angelface.”

“Why?”

The blonde sighed. “Because that’s what love is about, whether it is minor or big.” her dumb, big and gleamy eyes stared deep into his. His fingers reached for hers for a moment, but ended deciding against it, grim expression dangling. “Sucks, right?”

She would never love him back, would she? It seems like her heart would always belong to Deku despite her feelings for him being laughable at best. Uraraka had experienced what true love was, the adrenaline of having someone near and feeling that spark in your eyes, actually feeling it buzzing. Bakugou sighed, his shoulders faltering ever so slightly because he had to face it: Uraraka was in love with another boy who didn’t love her back. But maybe that was good for her, maybe Deku was after all a better man for her.

His scowl didn’t seem angry at her for once, just sad at himself– for he had failed at making her happy so she could quickly move on, failing on making those emotions she talked about spark on her, failed to at least stop her crying. But every time he was in front of her, she was always crying. And Uraraka Ochako was not a crier.

But he didn’t know that she didn’t cry because he was a failure, or because he hadn’t succeeded on making her happy – it was the other way around.

She cried because her heart had started beating once she entered that fateful common room and saw it set up to her liking. She cried because her fingertips were electric against his skin, or the way his hair glided so perfectly through her fingers when she combed through his mane. Her tears streamed down because her body in the bed would sometimes ache for his hands to burn her, how her eyes missed his and how badly she had been wanting to see them look at her with that ferocity of his.

Uraraka knew why she had almost kissed Bakugou that movie night.

It was because those newfound feelings turned her world upside down, and there was no way to put it in order anymore. She knew that there were weird things going on through her, something more powerful than her love for Deku and everything else she had ever encountered.

But… what was that feeling? Was she ready to embrace its whole power? Another little, tiny trail of thought waved in front of her as Bakugou suddenly turned away– he was tired of seeing her unmoving, still musing over that green haired loser who had injured her so when he could have given her all she needed, all she desired, and give away his little, stone heart for het to protect him.

But she would never love him back.

“What if he rejects you as well?”

The though flashed in front of her again, and Uraraka pounced. Bakugou had only taken one step away from her when voice reached his ears, shoulders stopping their shake and eyes stinging for so long.

“What is love, Bakugou?”

His shaking breath staggered in his throat, making it hard for him to recollect his thoughts and stop to think about what she had just said. It was a complicated question, that one. Millions of people asked the very same thing one day after the other, and there would never be a satisfying conclusion to such thing. Days, millennia and nights may pass, skipping generations of lost people in a crowd of mismatched shoes and hearts, everyone seeking for that little piece that made one’s life fuller, sensible and bright with colors. Uraraka’s world was white, lost in confusion, while his was deep black with dots of her eyes.

Bakugou had never experienced love before Uraraka, and even now he was struggling to understand what it really meant. She was barely making it through a rejection, but was still willing to hold on for Deku, he thought. She had had a past love, and knew what was the difference between the true deal and what a dainty kind of love she had for Deku. He didn’t know what was going through her head at the moment, but he knew that she had sounded desperate and ultimately sad when wording her doubts.

Could he, of all people, give her a satisfying answer? The reckless, short-tempered boy with zero control and just a weak side for her?

Bakugou didn’t know that answer.

But he knew what his answer would ever be, no matter who asked.

“Love is…” his head turned, letting half of his face to show. His eyes seemed torn, broken – and Uraraka’s heart sunk – at the fact that his answer could either matter a ton or just be useless. He still had to try once more. “Love is that feeling you get when somebody comes in through your life– more like barging, when you never asked. And no matter how hard you try to push them away, they stay despite your flaws, they just see through your words and will take care of your heart. It’s that feeling when a world you took for granted gets shaken up and bursts into color, sends you flying, and leaves you confused, afraid– it’s something you feel before knowing what it is.”

There was a moment of silence after he finished, then two. The golden lights hit the ground Bakugou looked at, not even ashamed of having given such a discourse to the girl behind him. The weight on his shoulders didn’t disappear– it only got heavier and heavier the more he listened to her breathing, his world still aware of the sun shining in its glory but submerged in a sea of darkness.

He was suffocating. He couldn’t be there.

Then, he heard it. A sniffle.

Bakugou turned around to find out that she had stepped back during his speech, and how her hands were grasping her shirt for dear life. Her tresses hovered in the breeze, letting through the rays of sunshine while her eyes– her eyes, they were glazed, tears falling down without her truly noticing because… because in the end, the final piece had fallen into place. Her world was consumed by static as it, then, exploded into roses and the sun, meekly noticeable, shone in all its glory on her.

She was utter disbelief while Bakugou looked at her, frantic, ambers shaking as his mouth fell agape. His mind tried to put the pieces together as she finally breathed out– and finally smiled.

His world, previously untidy, chaotic and mindlessly black, fell into place with hers, too. The colossal feeling of pressure on his being faded away slowly as their feelings fell into their place, together, in harmony. He felt it again, that twitch in his heart.

And this time, he was sure she felt it, too. Her eyes had blossomed into meteorites again, letting him dive into her pools of brown as he basked on a new feeling, the feeling of her by his side– she was meters away from her, but he felt her in his arms, hugging him again.

Bakugou didn’t feel alone, anymore. Uraraka didn’t feel heartbroken, anymore.

“Yeah,” her shoulders shook, her smile reaching her eyes for the first time in centuries. It made Bakugou smile too, and the mere gesture brought goosebumps all over her. “this feeling… this is the real thing.”

The emotions she had felt by his side… they were love after all– the electricity towards him, those powerful emotions for him… they were love. After all the pain, the doubt, and the fear of discovering that her feelings were not only unilateral, but also fake compared to the sharpness of these ones– suddenly, nothing mattered. That awkward feeling in her chest dissipated into the warm thin air as her tiny steps approached him, eyebrows low in a soft, sincere smile.

Those growing feelings that had stomped over those she had for Deku… these were real. She had been in the dark for too long already. The pain in her heart completely disappeared, and Uraraka wasn’t afraid of embracing them anymore.

“I think…” Uraraka was by his side, now. “I think I know what those new feelings are, now.”

His eyes widened. “You do? Then what the fuck was my moving speech for?”

“It was all thanks to you, Bakugou– that I may finally be able to move on from this mess.” her hand circled his elbow as she took him forward, towards the building. “C’mon, we should get on going. We’ve been here for too long.”

The tone of her voice, so soft and inviting… He didn’t feel unrequited, anymore. Rather, he felt light headed, flying, in peace. After the thunderstorm, the smell of her light and the sun hitting on his skin was the first thing to welcome him. And man, wasn’t he happy.

“There’s no need to hurry, angelface!”

She just giggled along the way. He felt the urge to giggle with her, kiss her, and hand her the world he desperately needed to share. It was too soon now, her coming to terms with those feelings and finally stepping away from Deku– but he’d make her realize that he was worth it, too. He didn’t know it, but deep down, she had realized this long ago.

After all the trouble, the scars and the regret, he could only think one thing as they made it through the doors.

“Man, am I not lucky.”

“Duuuude, hand out the money, I won the bet clearly by a day of difference!”

Kaminari regretfully handed Kirishima the stack of bills, letting the redhead count them with analytic eye. “I still don’t know why you leaked all this information though.”

“Yeah, that was a bit low from you, dude.”

Kirishima looked at both Tokoyami and Kaminari, who eyed him back twice as disappointed. “I had to take advantage of that motherfucker finally making a move on her. Don’t blame me for this, after all we were all on edge for this.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Tokoyami, shut it. Weren’t it for us and you’d be sulking in your room doing homework.” commented Kirishima as a joke, but it clearly vexed the aforementioned. “Besides, you have also gotten money for this.”

“That’s true.”

“Now, there’s this other bet I had in mind!” fearful for what the blonde would say about betting on the soon-to-be-couple, they prepared their weapons. “When they become an item, we have to– must, do a bet on when they’re having se–“

Kirishima had already risen his fists to pound the guy to the ground with the help of a rather tired Tokoyami, mumbling something about darkness and sexual themes on open air.

Kirishima punched Tokoyami, too, for being too emo. It was being a fun day for the redhead.

And like that, the world started again.

Author’s note: MAN didn’t this suck compared to the last one. I still love you guys tho. This fam is amazing. I accept asks sending me hate :D and bread as well, man I need food./derp

[hiveswap-kin-help]

Tarot reading for Dammek’s canon.

I used a 21 card spread with major and minor arcanas, the 21 card spread is used to provide an overview of the Querant’s life as well as the forces acting on it.

It ended up being a little long so it is under the cut, Dammek!

The 1st to 3rd cards represent aspects of your personality.

1st - The Knight of Swords ; Strong personality with commitment to his cause with sharp intellect. Assertive young man, a powerful friend and formidable opponent. This card signify also conflict, with difficulties at first. However, you were likely to triumph in the end, especially with a positive and decisive approach.

2nd - Ten of Coins ; Material prosperity and emotional security, security closely bound up with family relationships or close-friend-ships. Foundations of your prosperity may be inheritance. You felt strongly bound by these ties who were beneficial to you.

3rd - Seven of Cups, ill dignified ; Tendencies to self-delusions and unrealistic assessments of circumstances.

The 4th to 6th cards represent your home-life as well as relationships within it.

4th - The Pope ; Two main interpretations, you received guidance from a professional source, such as a spiritual adviser. In your life, you were observant towards moral, religious or social conventions of your culture, which gave you great fullfilment 

5th - The two of Cups, ill dignified ; Quarrels and misunderstandings with partners, possibly leading to the ending of a relationship. This is due to rash actions, hasty decisions and precipitation of a course of events, subsequently regretted. 

6th - The Tower ; Disruption, trauma and conflict. Experiences will not be pleasant and will, probably, be unforeseen. As bad as it may seem, with a determined and positive attitude, you used of those traumatic changes to provide new beginnings and opportunities as well as self-improvement.

The 7th to 9th cards represent your ambitions, driving force, and/or nightmares.

7th - Seven of Wands ; A warning of major conflicts and challenges confronting the Querant. However, also indicates great courage, integrity and stamina. The resolution may had seem far off, but as long as you maintained your position, facing the challenges, the prospects for success are good.

8th - Nine of Coins, ill dignified ; Material success, financial security and achievement. May be a result of much efforts and followed periods of hardship. However, solitude is also indicated, so it may be that you were enjoying the fruits of your labor alone, it is possible it signifies that you were still seeking for emotional security.

9th - Four of Cups, ill dignified ; Lifestyle in danger, degenerating into self-pity and lethargy, making it difficult to encourage yourself for the necessary changes. Depression may also be at the root of health problems.

The 10th to 12th cards represent your expectations.

10th - Eight of Cups, ill dignified ; Your restlessness leading to reckless pursuing for a very uncertain future. Abandoning those things of value in your life for what may be a little more than a fantasy.

11th - Queen of Cups, ill dignified ; Presence of an unreliable woman, with some qualities, but, fickle, vain, untrustworthy and capricious. She can be the source of great problems to anyone who allows her into their confidence. 

12th - Ten of Wands ; Burdens of excessive work, too much pursuit in your goals. Burden that could have been oppressive as you juggled with conflicting business and social demands.

The 13th to 15th cards represent the unexpected, unforeseen obstacles.

13th - Four of Swords ; Order and stability, enjoyment of rest from your problems, even if only temporarily. Opportunity to rest and recover, perhaps having retreated to a place of seclusion to free yourself from stresses and tensions that have been weighing you down. 

14th - Ten of Swords ; Unavoidable disaster, ruination. You were caught up in a situation which brought you anguish and desolation. It can represent complete failure, perhaps as a result of the treacherous acts of enemies. As consolation.. The resolution of the problem can be found within the ruins, you were able to start anew. 

15th - The Hanged Man ; Changes and sacrifices. You faced a turning point in your life. One offering different paths to follow. Difficult but necessary sacrifices had been made in your pursued route, although others may not understand this. The sacrifices may be material or may involve abandoning a former viewpoint, no matter the nature, it led to a new sense of spirituality and emotional fulfilment. 

The 16th to 18th cards represent the near future, in this case the outcomes.

16th - Four of Coins, ill dignified ; Miserliness, fear of loss was a major concern and was preventing you from doing some needed changes in your life. 

17th - Five of Coins ; Hardship, financial difficulties and possible relationships problems with, illicit affairs, unsatisfying emotional ties, or simply a lack of love in your life being at your root. Such conditions led to feelings of insecurity and anxiety, but by prioritising your affairs, you have been able to take positive steps towards those issues.

18th - The Star ; Positive steps confirmed by this card, signifying a period of calm and serenity. Difficulties has been resolved and your path had become much clearer. Physical and spiritual paths were started anew again, this card is especially beneficial when followed by a period of illness of your true beliefs had been severely tested. Confidence, hope, inspirations and the attainmement of cherished goals were all aspects of your life. 

The 19th to 21st cards represent the distant future or, the long-terms developments

19th - Three of Swords, ill dignified ; Hurt, especially heartache, may be a result from the end of a partnership, or relationship. The separation was hurtful, and prolounged for quite some time..

20th - Four of Wands ; However, this card signifies succesful completion of a project or a relationship! Which brought you a profound feeling of peace, security and harmony. Endings are however often prelude to new starts and this card signifies a particularly fresh start relation to the home. A romance or even a wedding is indicated as well as house-moving.

21st - The Fool ; Fresh starts, you will face important choices and decisions as you begin your new life, with some challenges and risks, however, with optimism a positive outcome is indicated!

Interpretation ; You had a strong, intelligent and passionate personality along with ambitions and important goals. The goals may be perhaps linked with the rebellion? Relationships were really important to you and have played an important part in your life. Particularly family-wise (your lusus?) and close-friend-ship wise (Your moirail?). You had a very important figure close to you at home (your lusus?). However.. Some conflicts with your relationships are present. However, with your courage you were able to face them. You seemed to be very commited to your goals, perhaps sometimes overworking yourself leading to some solitude and restlessnes. It also seems there was a quite negative and powerful female figure in your life, which you knew would give you some hardships. After a period of rest striked another tragedy, but.. With much sacrifices, you managed to get through this which enlightened your spiritual and emotional paths. (maybe a new relationship?) After some financial and emotional struggles, you found some brand new hope after your goals had been severely tested. You apparently went through separation, which made you suffer for a while, however, the heartache was then fully healed by a brand new relationship (probably a matesprit) which perhaps led to a marriage! With this new start, you found peace as well as some challenges, which you faced, with optimism and triumphed.

Remember that tarot cards aren’t an exact science as they offer guidance, only you can know yourself best. ♥

[emerald-sunrise]

The Quicksand, hours before dawn.

There was a boy in the Quicksand last night. Terrified that he would be left alone in the world by everyone while he was with child and who--despite my best efforts--let himself be dragged back into the abusive fold that made him. It makes me think about Sten and how I failed him.

Where is he? I honestly don’t know. He was taken from me for what? To go to school? I cut ties with my employer paying his keep so what happened to the child? I couldn’t stay to find out, I had to leave for me. And now where am I? I couldn’t comment yet if it was worth it. It has only been two years.

I know the stars now. I can’t believe I never knew them before. They are my constant companions in the wild and living without them is like living without breathing. Aside from my secrets, they are my only guides across wastes that have defeated lesser explorers. I wonder sometimes, if they sit above me and judge me for having ignored them all my life, but I have to tell myself I know them now and that is all I can hope to do.

At the very least, the stars have other creatures to judge. There are other spirits who only walk at night and at last I’ve fallen under the tutelage of one. I could say I could not have wished for a better teach, but I won’t. The light in her eyes as she looked at me and breathed “murderess” and the understanding that came with it was welcome. Still, I think she could have wished for a better apprentice so I won’t call this wisp of the night, Hawu, the best way the cards could have fallen. Especially--despite her encouraging corrections to my behavior-- I know my brother is the entire reason she said yes since I am not terribly predisposed for this sort of thing. D’arca has that effect on people.

I love my brother. He is smart, kind, forward thinking, predictable, loyal, presentable, enthusiastic, well-meaning, eager--so many good things and yet I would give many parts of myself to ensure I never end up like him. He is so bound by the opinions of others, whether he knows it or not. And his belief in others will crush him over and over until I cure him over it. I’m trying, for his sake. He wants me to open up, to domesticate me like so many have tried before him and I’m resisting as much as I can. Resisting is what I am good at.

Like this shard of Shiva inside me, poisoning me for years--I still resist it. Easier to tell people it was a failed tempering than to admit what Dhatura knew and what I know now--like a seed of doubt, a primal will take root in the mind and unless you fight it, it will blossom. It’s the constant checking over your shoulder for a whispered word that you aren’t sure you heard. And it leaves you cold--physically cold, not emotionally. I’ve always been emotionally cold on my own. But I’ve been promised a warm body and an empty mind.

Captain Graves is a unique individual. From all accounts, he should be stern, no-nonsense, working-under-the-law piratical sort of figure. But in my experience? Tolerance for decades. Unabashed kindness. A reclamation of those who have fallen and particular care taking of these wards he’s gathered. A handsome face with a sly smile. He’s a summoner who promised away his chance at an egi because there was a woman who needed helping keeping warm.

Were he me? I would have taken the egi and left. I wouldn’t say I’m grateful, but I’m something akin to it.

He looks at me with those dumbass two-toned eyes and I wonder about him. He flirts with me without thinking--on accident he says (the worst kind, I say)-- but the shadow of his dead wife still hangs over him. Not that that bothers me any--if it did then Zeric’s dead family and Dhatura’s dead fiancee and Gilawafe’s dead honor would have stopped me before I got very far with any of them. Still, I begin to think that he and I are not on the same page as each other and I begin to grow weary of this game.

“Silly strange games,” Crish would say. Hesher’s associate, one Keeper child fresh out of Sylphlands bizzaro town. A monster somehow tamed down into a tiny girl, if I’m correct. She took out a deer with her teeth and manages to come off as grumpy-yet-docile in public. She endears herself to me. I divined for her with Dhatura’s old cards and she took a liking to it, so I think I’ve a friend in her now.

I grow concerned about all this socializing. It seems like unto growing roots and I cannot afford that any more. There is so much left to discover and not enough time. Crucia demands that I stray from civilization as I promised and until I have fullfilled that promise with no hesitation.

And yet, here we are. Helping lost, hurt children in the Inns. How unlike me, who used to make people wish for death. I’m losing my touch.

[frankensteinshimbo]

Doctor Q. Uirk’s Characters

This is for @ghastly-boo by request for more of my characters. I tried to make a comprehensive list of my major reoccurring ones, and I tried to make it as comprehensive as possible without it getting too long. I’m a writer/author, so it goes without saying that I have more than a few at a time.

Friedrich Rademacher Jr. : Friedrich is a morally grey anti-villain that errs on the side of scathing apathy or, at the very least, aloofness caused by society letting him down. Friedrich develops a severe dependency on his job as a trauma surgeon so that it becomes an intensely unhealthy coping mechanism. He doesn’t possess the typical warmth or empathy of a healer, and he looks at his job as something he is good at doing rather than as something to benefit others, but he is so intensely dedicated to his patients’ well-being that he is almost ironically self-sacrificing for strangers as disloyal and cold as he is in interpersonal relationships. He prefers his solitude, lives in his mind, and keeps his contact with others intimately professional and is more inclined to make friendships based on what he terms useful for himself.

Fritz Rademacher Sr. : (I cheated and pulled this off of a pre-made character sheet, so it’s also longer than everything else) Instability is an odd thing to conceptualize because people cannot fathom what does not conform, so it is a hard thing for them to truly understand. For Fritz, however, being born out of a war torn Germany in the early twentieth century, meant that desperation was a preexisting condition of the crumbling society and a government too hapless to protect itself from radicalism. It was fatalistic as it was surreal. And sometimes, in such situations, the weak come out of that quite maddened. At first glance, there’s hardly a personality to be found. Fritz is both erratic and sporadic and only barely capable of a conversation that makes sense. His kookiness is childish and so are his fits of violence, which can go and come, come and go depending on the day. He seems to be a messy Wonderland character on the borderline of being utterly consumed by psychosis. He seems capable of functioning at his job, no matter how much of a butcher of a doctor he might seem. But things in life are rarely so two-dimensional. Fritz’s mental health is questionable, but he’s not out of control.  The careful control and manipulative nature is still there and can be exercised when he feels the need to, but he views it as an utter waste of time unless he needs to focus. In fact, his self-control has become latently more acute as he can flip it on and off as needed. One would think that with his sensitivity to social norms he’d be aware of his insanity, but Fritz views himself as the closest thing to a real god - who many other people cannot understand because he functions on a much higher wave length than they do. He puts up with their ineptitude and is not capable of making close bonds with others that do not fullfill his own pleasure.

Isidor Rademacher: Isidor is Friedrich’s older brother, and a government spook that later becomes a representative in German Congress. He is highly moral, no nonsense, narrow-minded, and somewhat socially conservative in his private life but progressive in his politics for the sake of staying in power. He can be somewhat self-righteous but is ultimately extraordinarily loyal, noble, intelligent, and charismatic. He has an extensive history of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his father and is determined to do right by his family and steer them right as the acting patriarch, since his father left and left a mess in his wake.

Tavie Wayne:  Friedrich’s full blooded sister. She’s given up for adoption at birth and is raised by an extremely wealthy family. She’s wickedly clever and needs a lot of mental stimulation to live life to the fullest, similar to her biological father. She believes that life isn’t worth living if you aren’t living it for fun and that things like responsibility, both personal and societal, is something best avoided and believes that this is logical because her tax bracket can afford to live this way and that the bottom tiers are the ones that should carry her. She’s selfish, careless, and often tries to make herself dumber than she actually is so she doesn’t have to deal with the crippling void of depression that her unfullfilling life has left. Also extremely cruel. But also very clever and enjoys her private power fantasies so much that she usually enacts them. She becomes a bored superhero by buying a Batman-esque arsenal with her money but quickly finds it much more thrilling to become a mercenary and to kill people for the sake of killing. 

Davinia Cousland: Davinia is a decorated knight, ruling noble of an important trade city, and one of the regional commanders of an ancient, elite, nonpartisan force of warriors that is present in every recognized country in the world. She was saddled with the responsibility at nineteen after an attempted political coup during a war that she outmaneuvered and ultimately defeated but at great personal cost that irrevocably changed her life. Her father’s political position was considered only second to the King of her country, so she was raised to become his successor, despite the fact that she was a woman. As a result, she’s a political force to be reckoned with and is not above subversion but acts in compassion for her warriors, people, and her country. Despite her extensive skill and qualifications for ruling, Davinia grew up only wanting to be a warrior and not a political playing piece, but she was always quickly curbed to her place and has a hard time breaking free of where she is expected to and conditioned to be. She relates very little with the expected position of a woman and is rebellious and free-spirited in her own respect, although she is also a very serious and hard leader because she has to be.

Friyr Illustratum - Friyr is little more than a gladiator and a scoundrel - who assassinates people on the side - but he enjoys a great amount of wealth because of his celebrity. He’s legally blind, and uses it to both awe and con people in equal measure. He grew up under an oppressive cast system in extreme poverty and disenfranchisement, and slavery he was forced to sell himself into he became extremely angry at life, and society, and that he could be little more than either a thief or a killer. He chose to become a vagabond instead and lived lawlessly for a long time. He eventually came to peace with himself and still has a wanderers’ heart, but he returned to the arena because of a tragedy, and he had nowhere else to go. He doesn’t mind it and enjoys being lavish and decorating himself with gold and tattoos. He has little compassion for those that benefit from race politics, and he enjoys knowing that he is clever and more adept than most other people more advantaged than him. He acts ridiculous and inflammatory on purpose and particularly enjoys putting on a persona of being dumb or naive to get a rise out of people, but he’s quite charming and friendly once you get to know him.

Silje Brosca: She’s a work in progress, but Silje is an incredibly resourceful, idealistic, lawful-good woman that was given an extraordinarily hard lot in life under a highly ritualistic caste system, somewhat similar to Friyr’s. She doesn’t care for your social rules and will be the strong person that she wants to be, even if it means bashing her way through obstacles. She sees the best in people and the best out of life. A bit of a self-martyr. She really enjoys fighting, her drink, and is one of the boys

Florian: Florian is a joint character made my myself and @quick-step. He is a werewolf that grew up away from his culture because of a deal Friedrich made with his pack leader. He later rejoins them but is somewhat an outcast. He is in Redemption! I’ll leave it here for now ;)

Scratch: A very persuasive, charming, and concerned person that Emmerich makes friends with. Also in Redemption!

Nathanael:  They’re an archangel of sin, and knows when anyone is being impure, much to their own dismay. Their culture of other angels believes that suffering is inherent and only through extreme suffering can one learn discipline, so they live a very absent lonely life, but I wouldn’t say that they’re repressed or suffering, just that that’s how their race is. They enjoy being among humans and takes pleasure in human arts and cultures. They are often sent to guard sacred places, like caves that are entrances to the underworld, ect. They understand humans perhaps the most out of any angel because they feel their burdens very heavily, and while they’re a stickler for divine law and are grumpy when people break it, they’re also very lenient. They do not have a corporeal form, and can sometimes be seen as a gossamer shimmering mist if one squints hard. They can change their form at will and has a preferred human form based off of Turkish people, but they prefer mist. Also has a sick battle axe.

A RED Spy & Charles (BLU Spy): They’re both TF2 OCs that are too underdeveloped for me to know what to say about them, but I wish to use them in the future, particularly Charles. The RED Spy doesn’t have a name; I never gave him one. I could give a run down in private or if someone specifically asked, but what I do have on them is too unorganized to try and describe here.

[procrastinatingfeminist]

Just a copout

I never get the „he is just a cop“-argument against Tonys ability tob e SFA or Team Lead. Because by that logic Gibbs is „just a marine“. And guess who else was an SFA and holds a position of a Team Lead for several seasons of NCIS? At least with Tony we have a canon established factoid that he has a degree in Phys.Ed. If I remember the Stillwater episode correctly, Gibbs enlisted pretty much directly after high school. His joining NCIS is somewhat muddy, but it looks that he left service either directly after death of his family or he finished his tour and left service after the knews about their death, then went on his revenge spree and then joined NIS, and I think we can all agree that the last thing on a mind of a marine bent on grief and revenge is acquiring a degree in criminology or forensics. So he only would have been able to acquire it while working a full time job with unpredictable hours and locations, which I always found highly suspect from experience with my own aspirations, but my knowledge of how life of an average citizen in US works is second hand, so I withhold my judgement on this issue. (Even more of wish fullfillment are all the fics where Tony suddenly whips out four or five Masters/PHDs  along with several fluent language skills. Tony, the person who had difficulty securing finances to go to Ohio university, suddenly has enough money to splurge on several college courses? As well as enough money for his expensive tastes? If I know anything about US, ist hat education there costs a fucking ton, what kind of salary do you think a green cop makes??? And no matter where you go to college or university, education is fucking time consuming, which is why I never managed to go further than reading through requirements for online courses, and I work regular hours. Tony, with his penchant for working night hours as well as the regular daily shift, having at least some social life, even if his canonically hinted dating habits are probably overinflated, and having his undercover talents employed often enough to earn a detective badge – yeah, wish fulfillment oft he finest). So, Gibbs might or might not have a degree, that would allow him to get the promotion to Team Lead, but at least I don’t remember any evidence of him holding a degree in canon (if you know of an episode, where it is confirmed, that he has one, please feel free to point me to the specific episode), and if the position of a gunnery sergeant isn’t one that requires a degree, then by that logic he is just a marine. Even less qualified for his position than Tony, who at least has investigative experience as a cop. Strangely enough, while I read several fics expounding this particular trope (Tonys background as a cop being more useful than Zivas spysassin background – does she have a degree? I don’t think you need one tob e good at killing people, and it is fucking hilarious reading about her frothing at the mouth that Tonys family money put him through college, while never mentioning that her daddys connections and probably also money put her on fast track through Mossad, but internal logic was always the weakest point of this show, and fanfic can do only so much to save its structural integrity), but I still have to encounter one, where someone brings the „he is just a marine“ argument into play.

[tumblunni]

Let’s ramble a bit more about Changeling Sim ideas! This time a bit about the awkward lil royal family and their interlocking relationships~!

Kiddo

It our deuteroganist! Hello! The protagonist’s cute little daughter is actually the next heir to the faerie throne, sent to be raised by her as a challenge to prove that the human world has good in it and is worth saving. And also secretly because Xana Mega is pretty awkward and cute under her scary facade, and was worried she was too distant to make a good mother to her child. In the golden ending you can help patch up their relationship, even though Jackie is still the one Kiddo knows as her true mother, and her biological parent becomes more like the family’s aunt. Kiddo is technically half human, but it’s not because Xana Mega married a human or anything. Fairies don’t follow biological genetics, theyre grown from giant flowers after all! Xana created Kiddo entirely by herself, and she acquired her human side solely from being given to Jackie to raise. Baby fae are more metaphysically squishy than their older counterparts, the classic changeling ploy is simply to replace a human child with a fae baby and it’ll naturally shift into the shape of the human. For a time they’ll be just that- a fairy wearing a disguise. But if they don’t know theyre not human, they’ll grow into what they’re taught and completely transform into a real mortal around puberty. Changelings do tend to retain a heightened sense to the supernatural and occasionally a few odd abilities, but generally they’ll never return to what they once were. Traditionally nobody had a choice in this whole matter, it was a very sketchy and horrid practise of ancient fae who didnt even respect humans as real sentient people. But in this case Kiddo wasn’t replacing an existing human, and she’s being raised knowing of her origins. Eventually she’ll face the question of whether she wants to stay or return to being a fairy, but it’ll be 100% her own choice. Similarly, it’s her own choice whether she wants to take the throne or if she finds a different career choice during her adventures in this other world. Many endings for you, the player!

Xana Mega

The current queen of Mag Mell, an ominous towering figure who rules with strict efficiency and commands the current anti-human war. Everyone’s pretty damn scared of her, and she lives a very lonely life disconnected from her own people. Despite her frightening persona and dedication to all things rational, she’s called for this mysterious truce for the next 18 years, and is permitting certain humans to enter our realm?? Truly the queen works in mysterious ways... but is she going soft...? Deep down she’s really a kind person who feels she has to put up this front deliberately in order to retain order. Its half that and half not really knowing how to function well socially, since she’s been groomed to be a ruler from a young age and had to live with a distant father. Because she was scared she’d repeat his mistakes, she gave her child to somebody else... but ultimately has she just become the same absent parent? It doesnt matter, because at least the kid will have a good mother, even if it isn’t her. But the decision does haunt her, and she’s both excited and terrified of the day she’ll see the child again on her 18th birthday and she won’t recognise her. But hopefully (if the player does well) she’ll be able to see that Kiddo has grown up into a wonderful young woman and had a fullfilling life that makes it all worthwhile ^_^ Ultimately if you’d ever get to know the real Xana beneath the royal role, she’s a slightly adorable awkward dork with a weary sadness yet a childish joy for experiencing new things. When you’d given up hope on this stuff, its hard to restrain yourself! Its possible to get a super secret route where Jackie romances Xana and Kiddo acquires DOUBLEMUMS~! And they’re super cute going out together on Real Authentic Human World Dates while Xana flails happily like this small hotdog stand is disneyland. Who’da thought that after the war ended, the old queen would become a human world weeaboo as soon as she set foot in our dimension? ^_^

Alberich

Xana’s father and previous ruler. Known as the Good King, he was responsible for starting the grand reforms of society that Xana continues nowadays. If peace is ever achieved between humans and fae, he was the one who sewed the first seed even if he didn’t live to see it sprout. Despite his success as a ruler, he was pretty flawed as a father, and passed that on to his daughter. He couldn’t completely escape the trappings of ancient fairy tradition, and his daughter was mostly raised by maids and tutors while he remained just this distant silent figure she could never reach no matter how hard she tried. She never even knew very much about him since he died when she was young. The young queen was just left with a million different opinions everybody else had on him, coalescing into an abstract cluster of an unknowable, empty pillar of ideal regal emotionlessness. .....Of course, the real Alberich was just as far from this as she is! To those who personally knew him, he was a complete softhearted goofball whose overidealistic ramblings would surely doom the whole country. And isn’t that just why he’s so loveable? Ultimately, his failure as a father was just that... a failure. Xana tried to justify it as if he’d made the right decision to be distant, and she should become the same sort of person, and take it further to become distant to even her own citizens. But Alberich never pretended his decision was the right one, he was a good man who despite his best efforts didn’t know how to raise a child. He had no-one to learn from, and his fear of messing up is what caused him to flee from the concept of parenthood entirely. He thought that hiring the best educators and minders would help compensate for the ways he was lacking as a dad, never knowing that all his daughter wanted was the one thing he could give- love. :( In the end he perished sadly to a simple disease that could have been cured if the country’s infrastructure wasn’t so ravaged by the war with the humans. His decision to prioritize the remaining money towards protecting the citizens was what caused him to waste away from a simple fever. While a certain someone raced against the clock to fetch the medicine on foot, arriving just late enough to miss the chance to hold his hand as he passed away...

Rafferty

A simple court jester who was promoted to the king’s butler and eventually promoted/demoted (?) to the finance minister after the new queen took the throne. Why is he even in the royal family section...? He’s always been sort of a stuffy grumpy neat freak, but he used to be a symbol of fun amoungst the court once. Now he’s just become bitter and hateful, leading the anti-human sentiment and questioning the country’s leadership at every turn. He’s globally hated by all of his coworkers and suspected of being corrupt- he was the major scapegoat for the culprit in the king’s death, and never managed to shake the stigma. He’s only really here and has any sort of power because the king’s will secured his position for the foreseeable future. He’s also hated because (GASP!) he’s a disgusting former human turned fairy! In his former life he was a homeless peasant in the 1800s that Alberich brought home one day and hired as a servant. Everyone humoured the king with his new pet, but it started to get ridiculous when he gave the thing legal rights and a career! It’s tradition to just consider a fairy a fairy when they become one, and forget about whoever they were in their past life, but gossipping housewives like to ignore this rule and hold it against him anyway. Its also kinda why Rafferty has such a personal hate of humans, he used to be one and he’s seen nothing but the worst side of them... His role in the current story is really just to be a small obstacle in plotlines, and a possible befriendable character. I’m an optimistic person so I like stories of cliche ‘evil vizier’ type guys having more complex motives and being able to be redeemed in the end. In the end you can discover that the real secret behind him and the king was that they were actually dating, and Rafferty really was loyal to the kingdom all along. And he endured all this hate for so long because he doesn’t want to tarnish Alberich’s memory by letting people know about their affair. Xana is actually his biological daughter from when he was human, making him Kiddo’s grandpa. Neither of them knew this fact though, and in fact Xana was one of the people who hated him the most. She just knew him as her funny friend who kept her company when she was lonely as a child, one of her father’s servants who seemed to care about her more than the rest. So she took it as a personal betrayal when he was suspected of killing the king, and kept believing it well into her adult years. Its gonna be a messy reunion for them when the misunderstanding is all sorted out, but a happy one too, hopefully...

+++

A slightly unrelated side note but I ideally wanna make a full cast of court employees and lesser nobility! At the moment all I have is Rafferty, unnamed scribe dad and kiiiinda a cupid type figure I dont know much about yet? I dunno, I just got that concept in my brain while I was thinking about Raffles and Ritchi’s past back when he was king. I imagined maybe Rafferty did have at least one friend amoung the royal court who knew about his relationship with the king and supported them. And it sorta came together in my brain as some sort of champion of love and justice, and maybe designed around a traditional valentine’s day fairy cliche. But like a world weary chain smoker one? BUT still one that really is a kind loving figure, not a dark subversion or anything. I just feel like they’re someone worn down by seeing injustice in the world, and questioning other people’s definitions of love that’re being forced upon them. Someone who was doubting this country... I get the feeling they’ve left the plot by the time we get to the present, but I don’t know if they died or maybe they just left the country after the king died and they’d lost their last hope the place could change. But I do generally think maybe everyone who was in the fairy court back when Rafferty was jester is now dead and/or gone, he was the youngest member then and he’s the oldest one now. And he was hated by all his former friends, they died, and now he’s left being hated by all new people... But yeah I just have this good image of some broken but kind person finding a tiny bit of happiness realizing grumpy old rafferty found love, and reassuring him that they dont hold the same stupid homophobic ‘no dating humans’ views that everyone else is pushing. A brief bit of calm before the storm, making it even sadder that cupid just wasnt strong enough to keep trying after that hope died, and ran out even on rafferty, their last friend... I guess... a Nanu cupid?

[tumblunni]

Digimon frontier ocs?

Randomly started rewatching CactusCasual's great Digimon Frontier critique series. He's leaving youtube soon and making the weird decision to delete his whole account and everything he's ever done. But he's uploaded a bunch of his best stuff to google drive so if people wanna keep.it they can. Still i think its a lil dumb to not just leave the account open even if you're not using it? I dont know anything about why he's quitting the site though so maybe he has his reasons.

ANYWAY this got me thinking again about how Frontier is so goddamn boring and weirdly cliche and badly paced, and like everyone just focuses on "but they changed how digivolution works" and ignores all the actual reasons its bad. Like, kids have fused with digimon in previous seasons too! And haven't we all wished we could be the awesome characters like angemon and etc? A digimonny power rangers henshin thing isnt an inherantly bad idea, it was just executed badly. I dislike it cos it meant we completely lost any sort of digimon and human bonding experience plotline. They gave us two recurring digimon characters but they were just basically a pokedex and the world's least funny comic relief. Gimme a version of the show where the kids actually talk to their "spirit evolutions"! Like maybe they have a digimon partner but its forever stuck in baby form or spirit egg form and cant fight without fusing with a human host? Or just give us a better non-combat digimon pal like bokomon and neemon but like.. Fully developed with their own character arc and relationships with everyone else. Maybe ophanimon could have been around the whole time and been a mentor and parental figure? And we could actually explore her moral ambiguity, cos seriously the show makes her kind of a "ends justify the means" asshole and just NEVER AKNOWLEDGES IT. Wtf was up with that scene where she illusions Cherubimon with a fake dream of him being purified and getting to just go back home and be friends? And then she just backstabs him and we never mention it again. Like seriously even if she couldnt actually cure him that scene at least revealed that he WANTED to be cured and it made him so much more sympathetic! If he can be reasoned with, maybe they could have talked him down and then gone on an adventure together to find an actual cure for him? Also seriously what is up with his entire plot! Cos he just gets 'infected with darkness' cos he 'had darkness in his soul' but its just cos he thought the humanoid digimon were being racist against the beast digimon? And like.. The council was 2/3rds humanoid with him as the only beast representative and since he got infected by evilness they never remotely tried to recruit a new one or listen to what beast digimon have to say. So he was kinda right, yo! Also wtf with the reveal that actually no everything we just said is pointless because his REAL motivation was just blindly obeying ANOTHER humanoid digimon that comes out of nowhere to be the final boss. Also what is up with all the increased sexism in this series!! Its so weirdly worse than even adventure which had the excuse of being "a product of the times" yet still had way better variety of female characters and less bigoted stuff! And frontier came right after tamers which was one of the best series for gender equality and even used the medium of the setting as an opportunity to talk about the subject. Shame they censored that in the dub tho, Renamon talking about how digimon have no biological sex and how she only came to think of herself as a girl when she came to the human world. And rika's family accepting her and inviting her to family girls's night and stuff! Like as a metaphor for transgender issues it really worked to try and explain it to a younger audience in a natural way. And then one season later in frontier we have ONLY ONE GIRL IN THE CAST and wah wah whining about fashion and oh no she cant ever win a fight and her goddamn spirit form is in skimpy lingerie despite her being 12, and the show is always perving on her! And then she loses her powers halfway through the first season without winning a single fight, and has to be the damsel in distress to motivate the dudes in a stupid love triangle. And even when she does get to fight she's only allowed to fight the ONE SINGLE GIRL ON THE VILLAIN TEAM and they have stupid slap fights and "who's the most pretty" and BEACH EPISODE and GAHHHHH

...anyway as you can see i have a lot of reasons why i didnt really like the series. But what i meant to make this post about (BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED) is that the fundemental concept itself isnt bad, they just wasted all its potential. And its a really good concept for ocs! Make your own digi superhero person and explore the fragmented world doing stuff offscreen during the series! Like they left so much open?? We know that other kids also got on other trains to the digiworld and they all just failed or gave up or got captured by the bad guys. And we know there's a bunch of spirits that the heroes never use because the villains got them again, so its cool to imagine an alt universe where the roles were swapped. What if different kids became the chosen heroes? What if different spirits were corrupted by the villains? What would a good guy Grumblemon be like? What would the kid be like who got that spirit? Would their evolution form be wildly different from grumblemon? Do the villain forms and purified forms look as different as Duskmon and Lowemon did?

SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!!

So yeah i wasted so much space here blabbering, so i'll probably make a separate post about my oc ideas lol. But i'd love to see other people's ideas for ocs/reinterpretations/other ways to fix that wasted potential!

So! Digimon frontier oc ideas!

To start off,have an undeveloped idea of someone on the team having Angemon as their spirit evolution. Cos it would have made the transition to such a new series a lot easier if they had some sort of "hey this is for you" to the fans of the previous ones. And angemon is the Adventure digimon that already looks the most like a regular human in a weird mask.

SPEAKING OF WHICH! less regular humans in weird masks! Whats the point of "you turn into a digimon" if you dont turn into a digimon? Like i know the whole gimmick is "humanoid mode and beast mode" but even the beast modes often look like humans in a costume! And there's been so many humanoid digimon before who actually looked like HUMANOID MONSTERS rather than just normal dudes cosplaying! There's literally nothing "monster" about agunimon, he's just a guy in some knight armour. Like the most you can do is charitably assume maybe the horns are his own and not just attatched to the helmet. And its annoying cos the villains have way cooler evolutions! And also double annoying that they always bend the humanoid/beast rule in such transparently self serving ways. Tommy gets two beast forms cos he's meant to be the cute mascot-looking character. Zoey gets two human forms cos she's meant to be grossly sexualized all the time. When kouichi turns from bad to good he loses his interesting looking actually monsterous evolutions and just becomes another dude in an armour. A friggin palette swap of his brother!

Anyway anyway LOL IM RAMBLING AGAIN yo...

Ideas for ocs!

I was thinking of a main girl character who's basically just a "fuk u" to all the stereotypes they did with Zoey. Actually gets a monster lookin beast form and a warrior lookin human form and actually gets to goddamn fight! Maybe her name is Hilda or Hildegarde? And i'm imagining her as a chubby nerdy kid with glasses and curly hair and a super cute oversized sweater kind of fashion sense. And her main spirit form would be this super badass lady knight giant orc thing who can Protec All The Peoples! Maybe earth element or the irony of being light element but she's this big ol monster goblin with just a tiny pair of angel wings on the back, lol! And then her personality is normally super shy and socially anxious, but she actually finds the digimon world kind of freeing? She's a total badass in battle and acts like a big ol powerful protector of all her friends! And she's always super excited aboyt adventuring and gets carried away comparing stuff to her favourite books. And now we must learn everything about this new place!! TO THE DIGI LIBRARY!!! So she's able to be confident and bubbly when it comes to actual adventure stuff, but she's still shy about regular life and anything social. Maybe its her weakness? Like she's scared about going home because she thinks she'll be "just a nobody" again, and lose all the great friends she made here. And also maybe a backstory of her heroic side still existing even before she got magic powers, but in the most tragic way? She managed to fend off a burglar once all on her own, she just snapped and did everything possible to defend her family, even though this was a man three times her size! But instead of being seen as a hero it just made all the neighbours and kids at school spread rumours about her being dangerous. Oh she must be in *a gang* if she knew how to fight like that! Oh its so *dangerous* for a kid that age to have such anger inside! Maybe she's a *scary mentally ill person*! So the whole situation ruined her social status even more and made her retreat even more inside her shell. And this is why the circumstances of the digital world are such a wish fullfillment for her and she's so scared of just waking up and it all being a dream. I think the villains could manipulate her fears, and it could maybe lead to her Skullgreymon Moment?

And then another idea i had was for a trans boy? I just thought this would be a good framework to explore LGBT stuff. He'd maybe be the wind element? And his personality would be very "classic shonen hero" but without the "dumbass" part, instead he's the cynical planner type dude while Hilda is the "i didnt even think, i just wanted to save everyone" type. But he's still super peppy and tries to be the class clown all the time so people will like him, and loves to climb trees and stuff. I think maybe his fighting style would be all about trickery and random chance? If there was such a thing as an element of surprise then he'd have that one! And then his story is that he doesn't have anyone supporting him for who he truly is at home, and he's afraid that his new friends will call him a freak too if they find out. He took the opportunity and cut his hair short as soon as this adventure started, and just introduced himself to everyone as a boy. But he's scared that people will find out he "lied" even though he didnt, he's just been so beaten down with the idea that he's not allowed to be himself and he has to pretend to be everyone else's idea of an ideal cis man or else they'll reject him. So maybe he starts off a bit obsessed with cliche masculinity and has low confidence about himself? And this could reflect in his digivolutions actually changing! He starts off with a really over the top buff warrior dude form, even though his fighting style is entirely about speed and trickery. So he tends to get into trouble with this fake form getting in the way of his ability to fight. And then when everyone accepts him he gets all powered up and changes into a new form! A way less "cliche macho" dude who looks like a stage magician instead and actually synchronizes with his element to become super powerful! And he's all like "oh no i became less manly" but everyone is like "wtf dont let yourself believe you're any less of a man because of dumb stereotypes!" And Also Big Friendship Hugs.

And then maybe this provides a resolution to both him and Hilda's plots? Like when the story is over they still stay friends in the real world, and having a friend who supports them gives them enough power to withstand all the haters and stay confident in themselves. But itd be kind of a coincidence for all the digidestined to live in the same city lol! So maybe in real life they live at least a few towns away, and they become long distance pals who send letters/emails. Because I LOVE ALL MY LONG DISTANCE PALS!! Also itd make sense to have a Internet Good message in a digimon show, lol.

And then i dunno about the rest of the team yet but i thought itd be good to have a sort of moral divide? Like these are the two who have a shitty home life and dont want to leave the digital world. But then the other half of the group has big reasons to wanna go home. So the villains could play on this difference in goals and make them fight amoungst each other. Just generally make the villains more actually competant, yknow? Oh also if there's a Dark Agunimon on the villains he needs to be EVEN MORE of a boring human in a costume! Cos it sucks that all the villains have better character designs and the show seems to think theyre worse ones. Give me one case of more boring not meaning more heroic!