#and she reacts to being worried by being verbally and emotionally abusive so

[finn-writes-stuff]

hello! how do you think alcina would react/deal with a fem!partner whose cautious around alcohol, specifically wine, cause of their parents being drunks who weren’t always the best people when they were drinking (like emotionally, not physically)

She’s real respectful of her S/O especially if they have specific boundaries

Alcina Dimitrescu x Reader

Warnings for mentions of alcoholism and some past verbal abuse

Alcina doesn’t ever really get drunk, but she enjoys a glass of her own personal wine in the evening, and wine making is her livelihood.

So alcohol is pretty common in the castle. And before she realized your problems with it, she’d likely offer you some.

If you were to decline without explaining, she wouldn’t push.

If you do explain though, she’ll ask about the specifics of your worries. She won’t offer you any alcohol, and she won’t drink around you if it makes you uncomfortable. She especially won’t let anyone drunk around you.

Hearing about your parents makes her more protective instincts flare up, but she can’t deal with the directly. Instead, she’ll make sure that she never does anything that makes you think of them. She wants to make sure she treats you as sweetly as you deserve.

She may start cutting out her evening glass of wine if it would make you happy. She can’t exactly shut down her business, but she wants you to be happy with her

[fandom-imagines]

Escape Artists

Fandom: Halloween/Slashers

Pairing: Michael Myers X Reader

Warnings: Murder, mention of parental abuse, lightly-written smut (not too descriptive).

Words: 2.4k

He had seen her around the hospital numerous times. She was always sat surrounded by those weird beads that she made designs with, only to have to hand them to one of the nurses who always seemed glad to iron the pattern for her.

Despite having seen her and observed her, Michael had never actually interacted with the girl. Sure, she was interesting, seemingly too innocent to be sat in Smiths Groves, but he wouldn’t talk to her; he wouldn’t talk to anybody. This was how he lived. Day in, day out. Never talking to a soul and nobody willingly talking to him. That was how Michael liked it which is why he couldn’t help but be irritated by the person who was interrupting his mealtime.

“Hi,” in front of Michael stood the bead girl, nervously fiddling with her fingers. “I-I made this for you.” Before he knew it, Michaels hand now held a beaded blushing panda.

He was tempted to snap the poor thing in half, and he would have had he not felt a piece of paper stuck to the back with the crappy tape the sanitorium provides.

“Don’t look yet, look when you’re alone.” She said, leaving with a short nod.

He listened to her words, going to the bathroom, the one place he was allowed to be alone, to read whatever note was scribbled on the paper.

Do you want to escape with me, Michael?

Confusion overtook his mind, the creaking of the tiled walls being the only thing he could fully register.

Not only did she know his name, but she also wanted to escape with him?

Weirdo.

He simply shrugged it off.

*

“Morning, Y/N,” a kind nurse awoke the young girl from her peaceful slumber, something that was rare for her. “Here is your medicine.”

“Thank you, Nurse Green.”

Her small hands grasped the bottle of water they provided her each morning, spare hand now filled with the medication she took daily before gulping down all nine of them with one mouthful of water.

Yesterdays interaction with Michael still plagued her mind.

She knew what he had done to his sister, everybody did, but still he was the only person she somewhat trusted her. Not that she had ever actually spoke to him of course, even though she was exceptionally kind to all those on the ward. She simply hoped he had read the note.

*

Lunchtime came round quite quickly, Y/N refusing to part with her beads and Michael nowhere to be seen, something that wasn’t uncommon.

Her fingers picked out another green bead to add to her new creation, a soft smile gracing her lips as she fit the final bead into the pattern, creating an amazing leaf. She looked up with a smile on her face, ready to show the nurse only to be met with Michael face, head tilted to the side.

“Oh,” she spoke quietly, evidently shocked at the older boy’s presence. “Hi, Michael.” Her kindness didn’t falter however, the shocked look on her face quickly forming back into the smile she wore previously.

Michaels hand reached out to grab the box of beads, pulling it towards him along with a square pegboard. He quickly got to work making a pattern, something that was done in mere minutes, pushing it back towards Y/N before leaving, not sparing her a single glance as he went back to his room.

Confused, Y/N pulled the board towards her. On it was a perfectly designed tombstone, yet it was masked as a grey brick, something Michael knew the nurses wouldn’t pick up on, only someone that was looking or expecting it would. However, beneath the board was a small slip of paper, something that caused her Y/E/C orbs to widen, quickly yet carefully sliding the paper into the pocket of her knitted sweatshirt.

*

“He what?” Loomis’s voice was loud, booming throughout the office. “He interacted with another patient?”

The nurses were unable to tell whether he was scared or happy at this news.

Michael had never interacted with another patient before, never interacted with anyone at all so this was a big surprise to him.

“Leave this to me,”

*

Yes.

This one word was floating around Y/N’s mind for the entire night.

He wants to escape with her? Michael Myers wants to escape with her? It was something she could not refuse, so she got to writing.

*

Over the following months the two shared notes through the beads they would both make. Nobody had spotted this yet, the scheme too smart for the nurses and doctors alike at Smiths Grove. Loomis had been keeping a close eye on the pair, looking for something significant that he could use against Michael but there was nothing yet, nothing at all.

The girl was sat at her usual table, alone for once which was uncommon for her. She wouldn’t have been alone had she not told the usual people that she wished to be alone today.

She was waiting.

Waiting for Michael.

A small sense of glee filled her chest when she noticed him walk into the cafeteria, a small smile following suite. The smile only dropped when he ignored her presence, walking towards where he usually sat. He must have sensed her gaze, glancing up to catch her sight before glancing at the chair opposite him, a silent hint for her to come over which she gladly did.

“Hi,”

Michael didn’t give her a verbal response, something she was used to by now, he instead looked towards her hands that held her most recent pattern: a pink milk carton. She eagerly passed it to him, watching him closely for any sign of reaction as he observed it, the two unaware that somebody else was also watching him.

*

“I want you to cut all communication between Michael and Y/N,” Loomis seemed to have come up with a plan of his own. “We’ll see how he reacts to that.”

“Yes, Dr Loomis.”

*

Y/N sat at the desk in her room, spinning the board around the wood with her finger.

“Why am I stuck in here?” Her tone expressed how fed up she was of being confined her for the entire day. “I’m bored.”

“Why don’t you make something?”

“Why am I here?”

“A doctor wants to see you.”

“I’ve seen all the doctors. Which one?”

“Dr Loomis.”

Oh, so it worked, good to know.

*

A few hours later she was seated on her bed, legs crossed with her pigtails falling down to her knee.

“We’ve met before, Y/N. After you were first sent here.” Loomis did his best to be friendly, hiding the burning curiosity and urge to ask her everything he wanted in one go.

“Yes, Dr Loomis.” Her tone was friendly, also forced.

She was waiting. Waiting for-

An excruciating loud beep blared throughout the entire ward, signalling a door had been opened by one of the patients.

Loomis’s eyes widened, worried that it was Michael who had escaped. He didn’t even bother to say goodbye before rushing off, forgetting to lock the door on the way out, something the pair had planned.

*

Y/N had half expected their planned escape car to be gone by the time she had finished running to the door, Michael probably having using her to escape. Weirdly enough, he was sat there waiting for her, something that made her smile as she hopped into the car.

Their plan, something that had been in the works for an insane amount of time, had worked. Every part of it had gone how they had planned.

“Thank you,” Y/N’s voice was as soft as always, glancing at Michael whose eyes were focused on the road, seemingly dismissing her appreciation.

He wasn’t however. He was silently grateful for her. She had stuck by him, his quiet and rude self. She knew what he had done and had still accepted him, he could see it in her face. He assumed she was simply in for depression or something of the sort, uncaring as to why because all he cared about was leaving and finishing what he had started, but something about her drew him in and he began getting somewhat attached to the girl.

*

The pair drove for hours, having to stop by to get gas before pulling into an abandoned place far away from the main road so that nobody could find them.

“Do you want a drink?” Michael gave her a confused look as she sat on the car, hand stretched out to hand him a bottle. “It’s weird you know,” she continued speaking after he took the bottle from her hand and sat beside her, “I never thought I’d make it to adulthood.”

This further proved his point of her having depression.

“Not that I’m depressed or suicidal or anything. I just thought I’d die by now.” This simply confused Michael. If she wasn’t in there for depression, what was she in for?

The nights sky hung over the pair, stars being one of the only things lighting the place, supported by the car’s lights.

Y/N seemed to sense his confusion.

“Oh, you don’t know what I’m in for? Well, was in for.” Michael simply shook his head.

“I killed someone. My dad. He used to hurt me, physically, mentally, emotionally and a few other things. My mother just watched it all happen, so I tried to kill her as well but she got away and I was dragged there.”

Michael nodded as to show that he understood.

“It’s weird. When I was younger, I always thought I’d be a popular eighteen-year-old with a boyfriend, a lot of friends and all that stuff. I never thought I’d be here,” her gaze fell on Michael, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if I am a virgin.” Y/N made sure to finish her sentence off with a joke, hoping to ease the tension she felt whilst expressing her emotions whilst continuing to stare up at the sky, oblivious to the thoughts running through Michaels head, his face not showing any signs either.

Y/N jumped at the cold sensation of Michaels hand touching her bare thigh, goosebumps rising beneath her dress. “Michael?” She turned to face the unmasked man, only to be pushed to lean against the back of the car with attempted gentleness. “Michael?” She repeated, growing even more confused as he lifted himself over her, able to feel her heart pound.

She didn’t fear him, she had never feared him; he’d never given her a reason. Sure he could be rude towards her, but never fear-inducing, never to her.

“Michael?”

Her words were silenced as Michaels body crawled onto her own, his chest pressed against hers, both hearts racing, despite Michael’s calm composure and Y/N’s confused look. Her eyes widened as she felt Michaels lips against her neck, roughly sucking with such force that she knew it would leave a mark.

A soft moan left her lips when Michael’s hand wandered down to her chest, lightly toying with her nipples before grabbing her breast, massaging it as he did so. The moans that left her lips simply increased Michael’s urges, his desires; he wanted her, and it seemed like she wanted him too.

“Michael-“she murmured, fingers looping themselves in the strands of his hair as he nipped at her skin.

Her free hand ran down his front, searching for his clothed erection which she soon founds, enjoying the breathy moan that Michael made as she slid her hand into his pants. It was quiet, but not quiet enough. Michael’s own hand reached into her own panties, finger soaking up the wetness that had formed at his touch, something that almost made him smirk.

Another moan fell from Y/N’s lips as Michael’s fingers began to explore, the tightness she felt was almost too tight, yet Michael was surprisingly gentle considering who he was. This time Michael couldn’t resist his smirk, being thankful for the fact that his face was buried into the crook of her neck, marking her as his and his only.

Her grip on his hair tightened as he slipped another finger inside of her, giving her a moment to adjust before slowly moving. It wasn’t long before pleasure began to consume her, grip tightening on his hair further as she neared her end.

“M-Michael,” she moaned. “I want you,”

He seemed happy to comply, fingers leaving her heat to unclothe his member. He waited for a moment, searching Y/N’s eyes for any sort of hesitation before sliding in, giving her time to adjust.

“I’m ready, you can move.”

His movements were slow to begin with, giving it his best attempt at not hurting her, something that was incredibly hard for his rough self, but self-restraint can be a magical thing. It wasn’t until the word ‘more’ left her lips that he finally increased his movements.

The cold of the cars metal caused shivers to run down Y/N’s spine, made worse by Michael’s cold hands running across her, now bare, body as moans filled the air.

“I-I’m close,”

Her words only increased his movements more, desperate to reach both their ends. Michael’s hand moved down to her clit, harshly rubbing in hopes that in would held her meet her own release, which it did and she came with one final moan, her sudden tightness triggering Michael’s own orgasm as he came inside of her, their juices mixing together.

Cheeks flushed, both Y/N and Michael wordlessly laid against the car’s windscreen. Deciding to test the waters, Y/N leant herself against Michael’s shoulder, silently pleased when he showed no sign of rejection.

He was surprisingly warm, heating up her cold body in the cool night’s air; she never expected him to be so warm. She lightly wrapped her hand around his upper arm, snuggling herself into his shoulder before falling asleep.

Michael stared at the sleeping girl, confused and shocked at how she had so much trust in him, despite what he had done. It was oddly reassuring to him. Once certain she was asleep, he raised his hand to move a stray strand of hair from her face before falling asleep himself.

“Goodnight, Y/N,”

[dreaminginvelaris]

A Response to a Feyre Anti

I made a post recently explaining the dread of having to watch Feyre be abused by her sisters and father, in the Tv adaption. And a Feyre anti made a response, to something that should not be criticized at all considering what I said was just the truth? Feyre was abused. Not only that but they went on and completely twisted the narrative to fit their own ideas and in the process made Feyre out to be cruel and Nesta a saint. complete bull.

I will not be tagging the anti bc they have me blocked (shocker), but also I do not want anyone to go after them, if you come across the post, I don't want it to be through me. it's as much respect I can give to them.

I usually do not respond to those who have something to say with a post of mine or are blatantly talking about me on their blog, unless they're just spreading absolute lies about me or what i "said", it's usually a waste of time to do so. but this post attacked Feyre with outrageous lies and a complete backward interpretation of what actually happened in acotar, so as respectful as I can be, I will be analyzing the anti-response and what truly happened in acotar.

"the audience will only see two sisters fighting-not abuse" "it’s not Nesta you need to worry about. It’s audiences calling Feyre a big dumbass and a bitch" -from anti

if the audience has basic human compassion and empathy for humans IRL or fictional, they will see what's obvious from the start. Feyres abuse. how is it going to look, when they see Feyre walking through the woods, shaking from the cold, starving from hunger, and struggling to find food for her family? only to later see Nesta's treatment of Feyre?"

in the anti's post, they said Feyre was just as "heinous" to Nesta.

is Feyre the one calling Nesta a pig? a smelly pig? ordering her to take her clothes off?

no, it's not, it's dear Nesta. the text goes as "I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark at her" oh yes... how cruel of Feyre. how heinous of Feyre to...stay quiet... at the verbal abuse.

in the same image we see Feyre ask Nesta to do something (kindly might I add) and then inquire why she didn't chop wood like she needs to.

what does Nesta do? acts like a brat and insults Feyre...once again.

considering I'm going off by the story and not the actual screenplay, and assuming they stay true to the story; will the audience not be disgusted by Nesta's behavior? I mean they just saw Feyre struggle to find food and they expect Feyre to go home to a family happy and appreciative of Feyre but instead, they get this familial abuse.

the anti said Feyre basically tells Nesta this:

"If you keep bitching at everyone like this no one will want to be around you or you can’t marry this guy because you’re a waste of space to me"

but what do we see?

"Believe me... the day you want to marry someone worthy, I'll march up to his house and hand you over. But you're not going to marry Tomas."

the word worthy, did that not catch your eye? Feyre said Nesta will have to marry someone worthy, someone, who will treat Nesta kindly and give her the life Feyre thinks her sisters deserve. bc Feyre does think that IDK why anti feyres think Feyre despised Nesta so much, Feyre loved her sisters.

what the anti fails to realize here is that Nesta marrying Tomas would have been actually pretty great for Feyre. in the sense that, Feyre would no longer carry the burden of her sister. Feyre would not have to worry about feeding one more mouth. or worrying about Nesta's constant stealing of Feyre's money. Feyre does not think Nesta is a "waste of space" to her, if she did, it would have been easy for Feyre to discard Nesta, and allow her to marry Tomas. the anti has that twisted.

but that is not even the worst part of the scene. did you see the shameless slut-shaming that came out of Nesta's mouth? how will the audience take to that? do you think most of the younger generation will take it lightly to see a sister slut-shame a sister? a woman putting down another woman? in this social climate? where the feminism movement is alive and flourishing. will they be okay with it? will they still blame Feyre and be mad at her the way the anti says they will be? I hope not otherwise I'm losing faith in humanity.

Lovely words Nesta spews at Feyre. I admit Feyre should have told her then and there that Tomas is abusive. but let's think: Feyre is 19 years old, the youngest, has never had any raising by a parental figure, has been neglected by her whole family, where would Feyre learn to calmly talk to an overgrown brat like Nesta? Feyre telling Nesta who Tomas truly is the duty of a parent, not a sister. I will not condemn Feyre for not knowing that was the perfect time to tell Nesta who Tomas is. especially when Feyre is being tormented and verbally/emotionally abused, its kinda hard to think about something else while you're being told all these horrible words. to us its easy to see where Feyre went wrong but unless you're in the exact position Feyre was in. no one has any room to talk. and even then, every person is different in situations like these.

this part was me analyzing the interactions between Feyre and Nesta since anti had reasons to believe Feyre was just as bad to Nesta and that the audience would see that and hate Feyre. I am now going to respond to the second part of the Feyre Anti's response.

"How will an audience of non-fans react to her not reaching out to her family to tell them she was okay after the reconciliation between her and Nesta? Or not inviting them to the wedding?"- from anti

moving onto acomaf now.

Idk maybe the audience will see Feyre, a depressed, lonely, individual in an abusive relationship while being manipulated by other individuals she called friends, and understand and empathize with her. all throughout the beginning and half of acomaf, Feyre is in critical depression. she wholeheartedly believes she should not be alive. that she is not worthy. she doesn't eat, all she does is sleep, self-care is not important to her or others so why would letting a family know she's okay, a family who BARELY ever cared about her, be a priority? it doesn't seem like Nesta or elain or her father was really fazed by Feyre's lack of communication. her father left on a trip, elain got engaged and Nesta, well we didn't see a tearful welcoming to Feyre on Nesta's part did we?

anti, where is the outcry of her "family" not even really caring if Feyre was safe or not, of what happened to her? it's not like they thought she had died, otherwise, where was the mourning or funeral? no, they just didn't care.

see this is where I know when anti is just full of bullshit. why, WHY, would Feyre invite her family to wedding full of fae? the creatures elain and Nesta fear and hate? for all the talk many anti's spew about Feyre being inconsiderate to Nesta, to her family, you would think Feyre maybe just knows a fae wedding would be the last thing they would want? even then, does Feyre owe them an invitation to her wedding? does she owe them an update on her life? nope. Feyre owed them nothing.

"How about her shit-talking Nesta to a bunch of strangers then having the audacity to ask her to get involved in a war. Oh! This is after she comes into her house and insults their hospitality." - from anti

I hardly think Feyre confiding in individuals who she learned to care about and laying out all the trauma Feyre endured with her family is "shit-talking" but for argument's sake, let's say it is. I still don't see what's wrong? after years of pent-up anger and hurt, would you not let go of everything you withheld inside and explain what was done to you? how you felt? Feyre telling the IC her life story, which contains Nesta's abuse and her family's neglect, was a form of therapy for Feyre. I never read a line where Feyre calls Nesta a "cold-hearted bitch" or called elain "a lazy ditz" she just said the truth. no added embellishments. Cassian was the one who shit-talked Nesta during the dinner scene, never Feyre.

I still don't understand why antis are so against Feyre asking her sisters for help? like the war didn't involve them? they're humans, and you know what the war was about? Hybern wanting to take control of the human lands like they once did and turn them into slaves. those humans included Nesta and elain.

"They could have left the continent" correct, except elain was engaged and refused to leave Grayson. which meant Nesta refused to leave elain. but even so, isn't it the duty of humans to band together and work to overthrow a race of people who want to torture and keep them as slaves? the queens certainly weren't doing their jobs. Feyre asked to use "their" house to meet the queens bc where else would they do it? the queens trust the fae less than Nesta or elain did. but even so, Feyre asking to use their house was a courtesy, that house is rightfully Feyre's. she is the one who sacrificed herself to leave with Tamlin. she did it bravely, courageously, and they got that house thanks to her. they owed Feyre everything. and the only one who acknowledged that was Elain.

that war involved elain and Nesta whether they or Feyre or the anti's liked it or not. not even considering that Nesta and elain are Feyre Archerons sisters, yeah, their family name alone puts a target on their back.

How did Feyre or the court insult Elain's and Nesta's hospitality? You mean when Feyre realized human food differed from fae food? something she did not know about bc she's barely been turned to fae and only had eaten fae dishes? Feyre's grimace towards the human food was an involuntary reaction to someone who is still learning their new body. or was it when Cassian called out Nesta for her cold treatment towards Feyre? if that's the case then fuck decency, I would call out a fake bitch in my presence from minute one. you cant call what Nesta did "hospitality" when all she did was insult Feyre when she didn't even care that Feyre had died, or lost her love bc of abuse, or that her body was changed against her will.

hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

did y'all read something different bc this for sure was nothing Nesta gave to her guests?

----

the rest of the anti post moves towards Rhysand and his actions UTM which I won't go into because I'm mainly just addressing the false interpretations this anti had to say about Feyre and her family.

I'm not sure how to sign off now lol, but I guess just that I hope this was enough to show how this anti's arguments were completely ludicrous and have absolutely no compassion for Feyre, and instead all the compassion for Feyre's abusers. This anti had a real spin on what the actual story was, and I hope the evidence I provided was enough to show that. Anyways yeah my brain is fried, and I'm done arguing with Feyre anti's for a while now, I need to go praise my queen Feyre so I can receive some semblance of peace.

anyways, stan Feyre for clear skin xx

[wildfire317s-oc-box]

What happens when you let me think to much pt.3:

So keep in mind im not a psychologist i am just going off of personal experience and why similar characters in other media do similar things.

My theory about why Douma is the way he is:

So right off the bat Douma was raised by cult leaders to be a cult leader and from what i have researched (because im a horror nerd and im curious about such things) that on its own can really fuck someone up mentally. But that much is obvious; What may not be obvious is that im pretty sure that while he was growing up he was emotionally neglected far beyond the whole "our cult has to have everyone happy all the time" thing he grew up with and this can be sort of seen because of how his parents died: his mother murdered his father and then killed herself without first bothering to make sure there was anyone to care for him or even make sure he was out of the house, leaving him orphaned. Pretty sure any parent that does that while their child is still around and not going to have anyone else to care for him is emotionally abusive (and to be honest probably major narcissists because seriously who actually wants to force people into being happy all the time but a narcissist unless they really dont know any better). Speaking of that Im pretty sure the trauma from that happening right there in front of him (whether he actually knows it or not) is what really broke him, when it comes to his thoughts at the time its actually pretty common to think something along those lines when in shock from a traumatic event (like how people who are being held at gunpoint might think "really this had to happen while i was wearing my new guccis" or something). And then there was the pressure to be the new leader of his parents cult and likely having to lead by example during the general age group where emotional development is pretty important since he was a small child when he had to take over like probably not even in double digits yet; the age where most people are learning what emotions are, why they have them when they have them and how to properly react to them and there Douma is having to be happy all the time for these adults that he's essentially been drop-kicked into leadership of and not getting the chance to learn most of the other emotions. And thats not even including how he was raised to act as a sort of prophet because his eyes were a literal rainbow. Im also worried his parents were either physically abusive towards him or eachother while around him considering his reaction to akaza literally punching his head off and him thinking that he was just being friendly and saying hello (that or its the fact that he most likely has a pain kink), however what he says to shinobu while shes dying suggests that his parents were most likely verbally abusive to each other and then probably lied to him when/if he asked about it. I think the fact that he goes after women most of the time also has something to do with what happened in his childhood (probably his mother murdering his father and then killing herself as she was technically the one who left him orphaned) along with him thinking women are more rich in nutrients for demons due to the fact that they can nurture babies, similar as to why akaza strictly goes after men wether he knows it or not. Maybe this is why he wanted to keep kotoha/mama hashibira because despite her situation she chose to not abandon her son unlike his own mother (and probably the countless others who were in his cult). I also think this may be why he (occasionally) has to literally mess around with his brain to remember things from farther back in the past, since one type of trauma response is blocking out memories of certain situations, similar situations and the times before and/or after the traumatic situation for a certain amount of time. Another trauma response is denial, insisting that nothing is wrong with him emotionally or psychologically until being completely being proven otherwise and breaking the dam.

Long and short of it is: he was raised to at the very least appear happy all the time by emotionally neglectful parents, became orphaned through a traumatizing series of events, got drop-kicked into the most likely very stressful position of cult leader probably way before he was anywhere near ready to actually take that position and had to lead by example the only way he knew how during crucial developmental years leaving no time to learn other emotions let alone anyone to teach him other emotions. Trauma responses are kinda fucking him over along with all that ^ and probably making him a ticking bomb. Basically it's not so much that he literally can't feel human/demon emotion but more so he never learned how to and has worn his "happy mask" for so long he forgot it was ever a mask to begin with and eventually forgot it was even there.

[redphlox]

The Todoroki Siblings and Dabi

So, I don’t think the Todorok siblings will be upset or angry at Dabi in the end for revealing the family’s abuse to the public in that pre-recorded video. I also don’t think they’ll reject, condemn, or abandon Dabi, either. I think it’s been established that they’ve always cared for one another and respected each other’s feelings. I imagine millions of emotions will run through the Todoroki siblings knowing that Touya is alive, including shock, worry, sorrow, and grief, but in the end I think they’ll see Dabi much like Deku saw Shigaraki: “At that moment, you looked as if you were asking for help.” They're definitely emotionally intelligent enough to hold space for both understanding how he turned into a villain and honoring their own feelings. After all, the Todoroki siblings’ past traumas and their feelings about Endeavor are their uniting factor. The siblings can relate to Dabi even though Dabi reacted differently to his abuse. 

Before I go on, I want to say that while we don’t know exactly what happened to Dabi, I don’t think this will change his siblings' reactions. How badly was Touya suffering that when he survived the fire, probably with third degree burns, he chose to walk away instead of going home to seek medical attention? What if he had been training in secret in order to be good enough for Endeavor and accidentally set the facility on fire and felt so much shame, terror, and inadequacy to face Endeavor that he decided going home wasn't an option? Or, what if it was just as simple as that - he faked his death to get out of an abusive home? Or what if someone else was involved in his "death"? These actions don’t say, “I don’t love my siblings,” they say, “I’m suffering because the only parent I have left is making my life miserable and I can’t take it anymore.” 

Either way, did his death hurt his family? Yes. But was he responsible for taking care of his younger siblings when he himself was also a child? No. Blaming Touya for leaving his younger siblings behind would wrongly place culpability on the child/victim instead of the adult/abuser. I think the siblings are aware of this, but of course, how they feel is valid! If they do feel betrayed that Touya left them, that’s valid! I’m not trying to pre-invalidate their feelings - I’m just thinking that a simple “wow Touya betrayed us by leaving and I hate him now” would be out of character for all 3 of them and that we, as readers and outsiders, should remember Endeavor provoked all of this.

No matter what happened to Touya in the past that led him to leave the family home, I don’t think Fuyumi, Natsuo, or Shouto would blame him. Fuyumi even told Natsuo to go to college and “leave their family business to her" because she wanted what was best for Natsuo: to make a life of his own away from the house. The siblings sacrifice so much for each other. None of the siblings have ever casted responsibility on each other to take charge or play the role of the parent or savior. Not once have they blamed Rei, their mother and an adult, for not being there or for burning Shouto, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to feel angry at Touya for leaving when they were kids either. The siblings have never expected each other to fill in that protector role but Fuyumi did so voluntarily, because as the eldest female child she may have felt like she had no choice or because she was trying to fill her mother’s shoes. The siblings are a team and they’re painfully aware of who failed them: Endeavor. Dabi isn't ruining the family's healing by coming back or revealing the abuse…That's all on Endeavor, too. 

Also, not to get too personal on main, but have y’all ever been banded together with your siblings against your parental abuser? It’s not always tears and wanting to die and huddling together in fear or for comfort. Sometimes it’s high-fiving your sibling when they verbally roast that parent so bad it rearranges your whole family tree’s DNA because, while you have no power at all over your situation, it’s almost like a tiny slice of justice to see the adult who mistreats you be knocked down a few pegs and take a hit to their ego. Tell me Shouto ‘that’s-a-nasty-scar-you’ve-got-there” Todoroki and Natsuo “It’ll-be-a cold-day-in-hell-before-I forgive-you” Todoroki, after the healing powers of therapy and time and also whilst slurping on soba at the dinner table, won’t fist bump Dabi for the reveal like, “Yeah, fuck dad’s bullshit!” Like I said, they share this in common with Dabi: holding their father responsible for the family's trauma. Dabi’s just really extreme and self-harming about it because of his trauma. 

Anyway, that’s the TLDR version of this meta. Under this cut I’ll further discuss why it wouldn’t make sense for Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto to demonize Dabi for outing Endeavor as abusive or “leaving” them because it would be out of character. I’ll analyze them individually, speculate on their individual relationships with Touya, and talk a little about the family’s dynamic as domestic abuse survivors. As a treat, I was going to discuss Dabi’s rapidly declining mental state, his views on his siblings, and what rejoining the family could look like, but this was getting way too long so please be on the lookout for a separate post for my Dabi rant. This is quite lengthy because I'm having a lot of thoughts and feelings about this family, so thanks in advance for indulging me! 

First and foremost, the siblings have always been a united front. They respect, care, and go out of their way to make each other happy: Natsuo enduring Endeavor’s presence for his sister, Shouto giving Endeavor a chance for his mom and sister, both Natsuo and Fuyumi wishing they could have done more for Shouto growing up, Natsuo holding on to Touya’s memory and being angry for what Touya went through, Fuyumi holding space for Natsuo’s anger, Fuyumi asking Shouto how he feels about their dad, etc. The siblings don't even hate Endeavor for abusing them personally - their main grievance is Endeavor's abuse towards their mother and their other siblings. The siblings tend to diminish their own pain and worry about the others. Even Natsuo says it's okay if Endeavor neglected him, but he'll never forgive Endeavor for abusing Rei, Shouto, and Touya. 

So, I think it would make sense they could extend that empathy and compassion to Dabi/Touya. They’ll be able to understand why he became what he is now, and why he had to "die" and leave them behind. I doubt they'll demonize him for reacting to his abuse differently than they did. It wouldn't fit, and honestly I'd question the writing if it did come out that the 3 younger Todoroki siblings guilt or scorn Dabi for what the abuse did to him. It wasn't Touya’s responsibility to "withstand" abuse and make sure he became a contributing member of society. He was a child, and that responsibility was Endeavor's. It was Endeavor's responsibility not to abuse his kids. He was the adult - the only adult, might I add, because Rei was hospitalized a little before Touya's death. I imagine Endeavor might have been a little extra unbearable right after Rei left the home because she had just hurt his “masterpiece” so it makes sense why things went down the way they did with Touya, tragically. 

Anyway, it’s clear that Touya is different from who he used to be, but he’s their brother, someone they loved unconditionally and still miss. He’s still that deeply hurt person they knew so well except now he’s turned that pain into anger. They know Dabi is a product of Endeavor’s blind ambition and neglect. Underneath those black clothes and hair dye and murderous grin, they know Touya is still there somewhere. The siblings know what he went through, and Shouto, more than anyone, knows what it’s like to let hate overrun you and turn you into what you were avoiding in the first place. They’re willing to give the parent who hurt them deeply and irreparably a chance, so why would that chance not be extended to Dabi? Why would his status as a villain change the siblings’ hearts and kindness? If anything, it’ll be something more to confront Endeavor with: “Look what you led him to become. You did this, Dad.” This reveal might emphasize to Endeavor the atrocities he did to his family - he took their mother away, he took their childhoods away, he took their eldest brother and made him into a villain. 

I’m not saying the siblings will approve or condone Dabi's murderous streak or trying to kill Shouto. I’m saying families and love are complicated. Even in real life people still love their family members who have committed murders - they love their relatives while also recognizing their flaws and allowing them to face the consequences of their actions. Just because someone you love commits a sin or a crime doesn't mean you stop loving them. This is a complicated situation and emotions will be everywhere, but in the end I think the siblings will be eager to get Touya back. 

And, to play devil's advocate, you could say, "Well, that's exactly why the siblings would hate Dabi! They've always been a team and he left them." To that I want to point out that the siblings haven't shown to be hostile to or resentful of one another for having differing opinions or views about Endeavor or anything else, though. Fuyumi doesn't resent or blame Natsuo when he has an outburst and storms out because he can't stand being around Endeavor. She’s disappointed she can’t have a family, yes, but she doesn't guilt or shame him for his feelings. And Natsuo, despite knowing how much of a trigger Endeavor's presence is for him, still attends family gatherings to make his sister happy. Shouto wants to see what kind of father Endeavor can be only because his mom and sister seem to be giving him a chance. Neither boy looks down on their sister or mom for wanting to give Endeavor a chance. Yeah, Natsuo is confused that his mom seems to forgive and defend Endeavor so easily, but he respects her while also honoring his own feelings. I think the siblings will be able to understand that Touya left because he couldn't be around Endeavor anymore while also feeling the loss of the family they could've had. 

And, to come full circle, who's to blame for ruining the family? Who drove Touya to go crying to Natsuo everyday, made him feel unlovable, and made it impossible for him to live at home? Endeavor. Again, it wouldn't make sense for the siblings to blame Touya for ruining the progress they were making as a family because Endeavor is trying to "atone" by airing his video. Touya is part of the family too and there are still a lot of unresolved feelings about him and his death. Touya’s death is something Endeavor is responsible for. Hating Dabi would be like the siblings faulting Rei for pouring boiling water on Shouto's face and going to the psych ward. They're well aware Rei wouldn't have done that if Endeavor hadn't abused her, so I think they'd apply the same logic to Dabi. He wouldn't have become a villain or left them if Endeavor hadn't trained him only to toss Touya aside once he wasn't useful. That must've been traumatic for Touya to go from the golden child to the scapegoat, and I think the siblings may have witnessed it first hand. 

As for Fuyumi, it’s been theorized that she wasn’t as close to Touya because she mentioned Natsuo and Touya always played together, and she never mentioned how she feels. To that I say, has Fuyumi ever stood up for herself and advocated for herself besides, “I want my family to be together again”? She honors Natsuo’s grief for Touya by explaining why he had that emotional outburst in front of Deku and Bakugo, and she explains that Touya’s death was the final nail in the coffin for her mother’s mental health, but does she ever mention herself? Do any of the siblings ever get angry for their own sake? Like I said, these characters are worrisomely selfless. They worry about Endeavor’s abuse toward their mother but rarely emphasize that they themselves were victims too. They put everyone else’s pain above their own. Natsuo is the one who’s brought up a personal grievance - being told to stop cooking.

A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that the women of the Todoroki family aren’t as fleshed out as the men (see: the women forgiving Endeavor easily and the boys not so much for complicated reasons). Fuyumi, as the eldest FEMALE sibling, took up the role of emotional caretaker of her siblings, and that was also Endeavor’s fault. It was a role she took up because he took their mother away and she loved her siblings so much. But, if she hadn’t taken up that role, that would’ve also been valid because she herself was also a child. She shouldn’t have had to fill those shoes. Women across numerous cultures tend to mature faster - or, shall I say, are forced to grow up and take on caretaking roles. So there’s that to digest too and take into account. On top of being the eldest female child, Fuyumi is a parentified character. This woman has gone through so much and honestly she’s an angel and deserves peace for the rest of her life. There are some takes that want Fuyumi to scold Touya or hit him for leaving her alone to take care of their younger siblings. Again, I'm not sure she would do that because it would be out of character. Her feelings would be valid of course, but the anger would be misplaced. Blaming Touya for not helping her with Natsuo and Shouto would only place responsibility on another victim instead of holding Endeavor responsible for creating a situation where Fuyumi had to take care of her younger siblings to begin with. It was never either Touya or Fuyumi’s duty to take on the role of caregiver. Yes, she has a right to feel abandoned or betrayed by Touya, but I see her respecting his feelings too, similar to how she does with Natsuo. If she does react with violence or resentment, I think it's valid, of course it's valid, but it would feel out of character because it would feel...weird, and wouldn’t make sense with how Hori has written her character so far.  

Natsuo, unlike Fuyumi, isn’t easy on Endeavor. That’s not because he has a strong sense of justice but specifically because Endeavor hurt the people that Natsuo loves so so so so deeply. There’s another popular theory that Natsuo would condemn Dabi as a murder because he’s studying to be in the medical profession and thus values life. As a future medical professional too, I want to say that yes Natsuo values life and those 30 lives Dabi took was wrong at all levels, but also, I think he’d be the first to point out that Dabi didn’t one day get out of bed and think, “Yep, I want to burn some people for fun!” No, Natsuo would know this behavior was brought on by Dabi’s trauma because medical professionals also take mental health classes and are (ideally) trained to see people with compassion. On top of that, Natsuo witnessed Dabi’s trauma first hand because he was the person Touya would cry to. 

And this brings me to my next point: it’s been pointed out that Dabi was abusive to Natsuo for burdening him with his trauma and crying to him wondering why he existed. Was it wrong for Natsuo to carry that emotional baggage and comfort Touya during Touya’s trauma? Yes, because Natsuo was a child. But let’s not blame Touya for this. He was a child seeking comfort and love. This whole situation is also Endeavor’s fault. If he hadn’t abused his family, Natsuo wouldn’t have had to hear Touya have a breakdown every day. Demonizing Touya for seeking comfort in the wrong person would also be wrongly placing responsibility on the victim, a child who should’ve been able to rely on a parent for emotional help. 

Anyway, I doubt Natsuo would look at Dabi’s video, listen to Dabi saying, “Endeavor neglected me, beat my little brother Shouto up, abused my mother, and that’s why I’m so messed up. Endeavor isn’t who you think he is. He’s a hero who is a villain to his family” and say, “No Dabi, nothing you said could be correct because you killed 30 people! You’re invalidated because you turned your pain into criminal activity instead of dealing with it in a socially acceptable way like I did.” No, that’s unrealistic. If this is the case then I’d question Hori's writing because, again, people aren’t one dimensional, especially abuse victims. Natsuo has been advocating for Touya in his death and understood his pain the most. Those tears that Natsuo cries? Those aren’t only for him. He’s crying because it hurt to see his family members suffer back then and felt powerless to stop it. Those tears and anger were for Touya, too. 

This leaves us with our half and half hero, five wee-wees, Shouto.

Dabi is on a one-track mission to kill Endeavor and anything that is Endeavor. He’s exactly what Endeavor made him...a younger version of himself, more powerful, with greater firepower and bigger ambitions. Endeavor didn’t consider his own children as anything but “my heir” or “failures”, so that’s how Dabi views himself and Shouto too. As things, as mini-Endeavors. He thinks of himself and Shouto as extensions of Endeavor. I know what you’re thinking: “That doesn't make sense at all. Dabi isn’t Endeavor, Shouto isn’t Endeavor. Shouto is innocent.” Yes, exactly, and I think that’s the whole reality of Dabi going after Shouto - it doesn’t make any rational sense because trauma doesn’t work like that. Dabi’s not in the best mental state. He’s been self-harming for months now by using his quirk, and anytime he sees Endeavor he starts losing his shit. Like I said before, he survived that fire and instead of going home, he chose to let everyone think he died and probably went on to live on the streets. Look at how he was dressed when we first met him in the manga: tattered clothing, as if they haven’t fit him in years but still wore them nonetheless. Like many kids and teens across the world who live in an abusive household, running away from home is all too real. Dabi was wrong to burn Shouto, yes, but again, let’s look at who’s responsible for his childhood trauma that led to this moment...Endeavor. I think Natsuo and Fuyumi will be worried and angry Shouto was burned by Dabi and also not condone his actions, but ultimately I hope they realize Dabi is suffering like their mother Rei was when she burned Shouto and rightfully look to Endeavor as culpable. 

I could see the siblings become angry for potentially upsetting their mother but I’ve already talked about why the Dabi reveal won’t set back her recovery. Rei herself told Natsuo and Fuyumi it’s okay to talk about her abuser in front of her, so I think that says a lot about her current mental state. She’s not ready to see him in person, but mentioning him doesn’t send her into a spiral. She’s made strides. Will she experience some strong emotions and cry? Yes, probably, that's her first born, but it won't break her like Endeavor's abuse did. Again, let's fault the abuser (Endeavor) and not the victims (Dabi and the younger 3) for how they handle their trauma. 

This doesn't mean the siblings won't try to convince Dabi he's wrong. They can honor his feelings of wanting Endeavor to pay for abusing him while also trying to get him to understand that Shouto is innocent and killing Endeavor and himself won't fix anything. He’s thought about it so much he snapped, after all, but the siblings will probably try to reach him some other way, similar to how Deku told Shouto, “It’s your power!” but with family memories or something. Rationalizing with Dabi won’t help because trauma brain doesn’t follow logic - it actually changes your brain.

Anyway, if anything, I think the siblings might be angry or shocked at Dabi for letting them think he’s been dead this whole time because they wanted him home, but what was Touya supposed to do? Keep in touch with them secretly? What if, much like Rei, seeing his siblings reminded him so much of his failures and of Endeavor that he had to leave and cut off contact with everyone in the family? The man abandoned his name and dyes his hair now - I sense some self loathing and repressed feelings there. This is a complicated, tragic situation for all 4 siblings, and there’s no one to blame but Endeavor because he caused all of this. No matter how much he tries to atone, he can’t undo the psychological damage done to his children. 

It’ll be interesting to see how the siblings reunite and how the family will heal together. Even with Dabi trying to cremate Shouto, I don’t think it’ll turn out to be a Todorokis vs. Dabi affair with the younger 3 hating Touya. Why set up Shouto’s arc to be about family and forgiveness and the strife of becoming a hero in the shadow of his abusive father’s will only to then make his older brother an irredeemable villain deserving less forgiveness than the family’s abuser? “Child abuse is bad but not as bad as murder” would be an anti-climatic, super worrying, basic moral for the manga to teach… Like, those crimes are both bad. Let’s not rank evils to justify or prefer one over the other.

“But now the Todorokis will have to face Public Shame.”

You know who should be ashamed? Endeavor.

The Todorokis don’t deserve to feel shame. That sounds like society’s problem for siding with the abuser.

Was the abuse that hidden to begin with? Shouto literally tells anyone within earshot, from elementary school children to his rivals, that he hates his dad for hurting his mom. He even mentioned the beatings in front of Burnin, Endeavor’s employee, and doesn’t hesitate to slap his dad’s hand away in front of people. Outsiders like Present Mic comment that father and son aren’t on good terms, so it’s not like their rocky relationship isn’t visible. Meanwhile, Natsuo cried and yelled to Endeavor after being saved from Ending that he would never forgive Endeavor for his actions, and there were onlookers everywhere. Fuyumi explains to Izuku and Bakugo that Natsuo blames Endeavor for their eldest brother’s death and is even surprised Shouto hasn’t told them about all this before. Yes, Fuyumi apologized to Bakugo for talking about the family drama in front of them, but that seemed more out of “oh right, you’re the guest!” reaction than “oh no the family secret is out!”

In canon, none of the siblings has ever said, “Shhh this is a family topic! Let’s talk about this in private!” They’ve never been ashamed of what they went through, nor have they felt the need to keep their feelings or their pasts secret. The Todorokis have never been a private family so it wouldn’t make sense for them to suddenly care about public appearances or opinions. Sure, there is a certain social stigma/embarrassment of having your family secrets aired for the public to see and being forced to be vulnerable because someone put your pain and suffering out there, but I don’t think that would be the main concern for the Todoroki children. They’re an unapologetic emotional bunch. Shouto has said it’s okay to cry and we’ve seen him do so. He can be quiet and straight faced, but he doesn’t bother to hide his emotions when he has them. Natsuo has arguably been the most expressive. He has cried or been in emotional pain the majority of the time he’s been on screen: during the soba noodle slurping dinner, when he informed his mother that Endeavor was #1, when he walked out of the family dinner in front of Deku and Bakugo, and in the aftermath of his kidnapping. And Fuyumi - well, she puts on a big happy face, doesn’t she? She wants her family to be together and she isn’t afraid to say so. She also isn’t afraid to cry or tell people off loudly (“Now you’re off too, Dad?”) or stating her wants (“I just wanted my family to get along!”) When the Todoroki children feel emotion, they’re big and unrestrained. Even Endeavor didn't care too much about public opinion until he became #1 and had to fill in All Might's shoes. Even Can't-You-See-kun says that a nice Endeavor just isn't right. 

Survivors of Domestic Abuse

The Todoroki children are victims, yes, but let’s not cast them in a harmful “all victims are meek, weak, soft spoken, and afraid” stereotype. They, like other people who have experienced abuse, are still their own people outside of, because of, and in spite of the abuse they endured. And that’s just the realism of the Todorokis. As much as society tells us that there are right and wrong ways to respond to abuse, that the only correct way for a victim is to grow into a strong person with a good job and radiate peace and love, “wrong” and “right” are subjective and immeasurable and this mindset diminishes the abuse even though it’s meant to be comforting. No, your abuse isn’t all that you are - and to some extent, your experiences do shape who you are, what you believe in, your views, your choices, and those experiences include abuse. 

So, let’s apply that to the Todorokis. It’s stated in their character files that Fuyumi and Natsuo chose careers because of what they went through. Fuyumi became a teacher to young children because of the feeling that “she couldn’t do anything for Shouto” and Natsuo is interested in medical welfare to help people like his mother. If they hadn’t experienced that abuse, would they have chosen those careers? I’m not saying it was good they were abused or that something good came out of it. What I’m saying is that their experience (abuse) shaped their choices and had an impact on their lives, and in many ways, though they’re seemingly well adjusted young adults, those emotional scars are still there. They’re still grieving what happened to five year old Shouto, what happened to their mother, what happened to Touya. Their feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness are very much still present even though the situation at home has calmed down and they're not defenseless children anymore. They couldn't save Shouto or Rei back then, but somehow they want to "make up for it" now. But that's not going to take away the pain and trauma of what happened. 

It's clear how Shouto deals with his trauma… He's making his own identity. He wants to be a hero that puts people at ease. He doesn't want to be like Endeavor, who was the opposite of that. Also, I feel like Shouto hasn't fully realized he was abused too. His main grievance with Endeavor is that Endeavor made Rei suffer. Shouto views it as intense forced training, and while only he can decide if that was abuse, it was inappropriate of his father to put his 5 year old child through that physically demanding training. 

So, no, I don’t think the siblings will feel intense shame that their abuse came out and now the whole world knows they suffered. There’s no shame in being a victim of parental abuse. It wasn’t their fault. They were children. And when I say that, I don’t mean the opposite is true either - that they should be proud of being abused. I’m saying that the person who should be ashamed of himself for abusing his children is Endeavor, the abuser. I know that there are some cultural aspects that play into this, but it would be racist to reduce this complicated situation into a “keeping abuse private is just Japanese mentality.” It’s like saying, “Latin women are submissive because Machismo is a thing so it’s okay that those women are viewed as inferior. It’s just who they are as a culture.” No, there are Latinx who are aware of the issues in their culture. All nations, cultures, and groups of people have the capacity to view their own flaws and strive for change.

Could I be incredibly wrong about all this? Yeah. Would all of this speculation have been for nothing if Hori decides to have the Todoroki siblings hate Dabi//Touya and want him dead or in jail 5ever? No, because I said my piece (and projected a little on Fuyumi), but it’d be incredibly awful writing and a dissatisfying, one-dimensional conclusion for the siblings to reach when domestic abuse is such a complicated, multi-faceted issue that comes with 1000 emotions, and especially since Hori has written the siblings and their dynamics with so many realistic layers and nuances. Is the siblings reaction going to be easy and straightforward like I may have made it seem? Nope. But they definitely wouldn’t stand by while Dabi is on a suicide mission.

If you’ve read this far, thanks so much!! I wish you healing, especially if you could relate to any of these characters or situation on a personal level <3

[brat-tamer69]

Dead Branches and New Leaves

♡ Summary: Levi’s relationship with his son Eren reaches a new low, and Y/N is there to confront Levi in an effort to rebuild. Very much inspired by this picture and in response to this request.

Part Two TBA

♡ Notable Tags: AU, Married, Parenting, Levi x Fem!Reader, Broken family, daddy issues, argument, angst and over 3k words holy shit!

❥ Disclaimer: Levi and his actions in this are not intended to be perceived as anything other than him being emotionally unavailable. He lost his temper and it is acknowledged numerous times that he is remorseful. I would like to emphasize that he is not emotionally or verbally abusive but this content may be upsetting to some readers. Please use your own discretion if you are sensitive to the topics.

♡ Send requests here!

Levi’s head instinctively whipped around to face the house’s front entrance when the screen gritted against the doorframe’s track. If he was not mistaken, his son would come bounding into the house from the front yard to ask for yet another snack. And Levi would once again shave down a carrot and before handing it over so it could be crunched down in seconds. How the kid had the energy to take off and put on his rain boots so many times in such quick succession, Levi didn’t know. But Eren did thankfully understand that if not for that talent, his dad would rip him a new one for tracking mud onto the freshly mopped tile.

As if summoned by thought alone, the percussive pattern of little feet hitting the floors echoed, and the urgency in it suggested that he was running. Levi pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, trying to cling onto what felt like the last second of peace he might have since Eren was running.

“Dad! Dad!” the toddler addressed him shrilly.

“What is it, runt?” Levi sighed and rotated in his spot in front of the stove to face his son.

“I was playing outside, and- and there was a big boom in the sky! And- And I wasn’t scared at all,” he added matter-of-factly. “But there was a little kitty outside, and I think him was scared.”

Levi stared down at the boy, bemused by how he managed to squirm and point every which way during a ten-second-long story. He then shifted his gaze back in the direction of the screen door, praying that Eren had possessed enough sense to close it behind him on the way in as the heavy rain had been accompanied by wind all morning. Levi had bargained with Y/N to support his stance of keeping Eren indoors but, in exercise of her wonderful parenting strategy, she insisted it would be better for him to play outside and get used to the daunting nature of thunderstorms.

Well, it’s working, Levi noted as he circled around the “big boom” Eren pointedly mentioned he wasn’t scared of. Still, his concerns were loyal to the furry little pest that seemed to be taking shelter in his front yard. “It’s ‘he was scared’,” Levi corrected. “And that’s too bad. Maybe he’ll run off somewhere safe on his own.”

Eren deflated, his shoulders and his volume falling while the size of his eyes grew. “But what if he can’t, Dad? What if the rain gets him sick?”

“Then the rain gets him sick,” Levi shrugged. “Not everything is meant to survive in this kind of weather, Eren. Besides, he might already be sick if he’s out there hanging around our house.”

An indiscernible emotion flashed across Eren’s face and disappeared just as quickly Levi picked up on it. But before he could engage, Eren was sprinting away and to the front yard again.

“Whatever,” he mumbled to the likes of himself. One thing he’d learned since become a father was that the less he knew, the better. If Eren did do something drastic like fall into a puddle of mud or befriend a sickly cat, he would scale the mountain of mishap once he approached it. For now, he had his focus on finishing dinner just as he promised his wife he would, and that was all he had the mental energy to do.

Perhaps one too many moments passed where Levi worked on simmering his kimchi nabe in the quiet, the slightly gentler rain being the only noise in the background. As he replaced the lid to the pot, he seemed to simultaneously sink back into reality. The thunder had finally ebbed. Y/N was still working on hemming some of Eren’s new clothes…

And Eren. The damn toddler that was notorious for popping up for snacks and attention hadn’t reappeared once in the past twenty minutes. The thought made Levi’s mouth dry and his throat swell faster than they would if he’d have swallowed a handful of cotton rounds. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered. A clenched fist still equipped with a ladle, Levi set a brisk stride toward the front yard where, if his nonexistent god had any mercy, Eren would still be playing in the rain.

During the walk, the rain, the shuffle of his house slippers against the tile, and every other noise slowly faded. All he had in his ears was the vivid imaginary scream of his wife as she found out her son went missing under his watch. And the image of Eren with teary eyes burdened by fear was not any kinder to his growing panic.

“Shit–” he spat.

“Momma said that’s a curse.”

Levi looked down at the origin of the voice, the relief he felt in seeing Eren standing in front of him in perfectly healthy condition lasting but a second. It was instantly replaced by rage. As the panic drained from his body, every inch of him became ignited by disgust, disappointment, grief and a slew of other emotions he was too angry to even process. The blankness in his mind caused by the adrenaline rush was being filled in by the stench of the sopping wet stray cat being held out in front of him. “Eren…” he seethed in a low voice. “What the hell is that?”

Eren chewed his lower lip in hesitation. Levi almost wrenched when the boy had the gall to hoist the rancid being up higher, as if his father wanted to inspect it. “It’s the kitty! See?” he answered in earnest. “It’s the kitty I told you about! I told him to go find a new house so he doesn’t get sick, but he didn’t want to! And his tummy is bleeding, too!”

A soaking wet, bloody, feral cat. Levi didn’t know if he should give in to the hysterical, exasperated laughter bubbling in the depths of his stomach or if falling to his knees and sobbing would free him from the chaos he felt. Helpless to his anger toward his own child, all he could do was touch his hand to his face in a feeble display of his emotion. The outwardly endless consequences to Eren bringing a bleeding cat inside the house started to appear in his mind one by one, each adding to the pressure he felt building underneath his temples.

“Daddy?” Eren squeaked.

Levi was so distracted by his inner turmoil that he hadn’t even realized the minutes of silence that passed between them. “Go put it outside and wash your hands. Now.”

By the particular tone of voice his father used, Eren knew better than than to disobey him—even a single casual command from Levi would normally be enough to move him. But after trading glances between his dad and the injured cat, Eren shook his head.

Levi was in disbelief. He could feel his heart racing with every ounce of searing blood it sent through his veins. His hand trembled as it gradually fell from his face to reveal a nearly crazed expression, his eyes opened as wide as they could go but his brows furrowed impossibly low over them. “Did you just shake your head at me, boy?”

“Uh, well, the- the kitty is scared and has blood on him,” Eren gulped. “H-He can’t stay outsi–”

“Put it outside. And the next time I have to repeat myself, I’ll put you and the damn cat out.”

A small gasp escaped Eren’s quivering lips, but he swallowed it quickly before tucking the cat underneath his arm and escaping out the front door in a flash. Levi sucked in a shuddered breath, only now noticing the thick, brown splatters of mud and the droplets of red that created a trail to the yard and soiled his previously spotless tile.

“What happened? Where’s Eren?” Y/N’s soft voice questioned as she paced into the kitchen. “I heard you raise your voice. What’s going on?”

The worry in his wife’s shaky words gave way to her equal distress if not for the hand gently laid over her heart. It was enough to draw the ire from Levi’s body. Like the bright red leaving the eye of a cooling stove, anger steadily seeped from parts of him he wasn’t even aware were tensed. His set jaw unclenched, he lowered his shoulders and his fingers loosened from their intense hold on the ladle.

“Eren,” Levi replied to his wife in a breath at long last.

“Eren what?” she urged, her pupils growing.

“Eren’s fine. He just brought a fucking dying cat into our house.”

Confusion distorted Y/N’s features while her eyes moved frantically across Levi’s face in search for some sort of unspoken answer. When she didn’t receive it, she whirled around with a small huff then grabbed a fistful of her skirts and hurried to the front yard.

By her reaction itself, Levi knew he was finished. Y/N’s kindness knew no bounds in even the most stressful situation. In circumstances where his own instinct would be to react first, his wife was guided by the purest ethics; she would comfort, ask questions then gather herself enough to find a solution. But her consideration skipped him this time, and it was because she was livid with him. Levi could tell that much.

Bending at the knee to retrieve the cleaning supplies from the cabinets, he expelled a wearied sigh. He figured there was no better way to postpone is annoyance with the situation than by losing himself in the pleasures of cleaning on his hands and knees. He forced himself to focus on the acrid scent of chemicals burning his nostrils instead of the gut-wrenching sobs he could hear once his wife opened the front door. He tried to remember which solution was best to polish the ivory colored tile, but god damn it, he couldn’t think when he saw Eren’s little body, defeated and dripping wet, shuffling down the hall. His knuckles blanched as he all but strangled the cloth, putting all his upper body strength into scrubbing away what little remained of the muddy footprints.

Y/N watched Levi in silence for a brief period, absorbing how pathetic he looked down on the floor, frantically erasing the nonexistent spots while his son cried himself to sleep in the other room. She didn’t know what possessed her, but her nails were starting to dig into her palms in effect of how hard she was trying to contain it. If not for the pitiful picture of her baby boy standing outside, wailing over the corpse of a cat, she might have been frightened; she had never felt this way about Levi. But today was different—for everyone.

Levi released his rag and sat back on his heels when the shadow of his wife fell over him. At the same time, a coldness that he was far from feeling fell over his eyes. He could only hope it would protect him even a little bit.

“What the hell did you do?” Y/N demanded of him through her teeth, her voice faulted by an emotional tremolo.

He rose to face her and swiped his palms over his apron. “I did what any parent would do if their kid brought in a dying cat from outside. I told him to put the vermin back where he found it and wash his hands.”

“You cursed at him,” she sneered. “And you threatened to put him out of the house if he didn’t listen to you. It’s raining!”

He tried to keep his voice leveled though his need to emphasize his point superseded the attempt. “Well, if he listened to me the first time, I wouldn’t have cursed. And he’s a smart kid– He knows I wasn’t going to put him out.”

Already jaded by the argument, Levi mentally readied himself for Y/N’s rebuttal. But it didn’t come. Instead, her open hand flashed across his line of peripheral vision, and if it weren’t for his unique reflexes, it would have left a bright red print on his left cheek. Overwhelmed by the sequence of events, Levi’s defenses fell. By putting his energy in holding his wife’s wrist tightly, just mere inches away from his face, he’d lost his composure. His mouth went dry as it fell slightly agape and his eyebrows were pressed upwards together in sheer astonishment.

“Y/N–”

“You bastard!” she cried, her tears leaking through her voice as well as onto her face. “Do you have any idea how scared and alone he felt, watching that cat die in the rain?! And to make things worse, you were punishing him for your selfish ass obsession with keeping the house clean!”

Levi’s eyes darted past his distraught wife and landed on Eren’s bedroom door, paranoid that his mother’s shrieks might wake him. “It wasn’t like that.”

Y/N shook her wrist in his hold defiantly. “Then explain it to me! Explain to me what the hell you wanted to do! What, were you scared of telling him he couldn’t keep it?”

“No, I wasn’t!” he growled back. “The first thing I told him to do was let the damn thing go. It was a dying cat, Y/N! That thing could have given him or any one of us all kinds of diseases with its filthy fur in seconds! What if it had bit him or scratched him?”

Y/N met her husband’s eyes squarely and stared into them for an unwavering minute. His volume had fallen off marginally by the end of his question. Her eyes narrowed as his softened. She caught him. Letting out a mirthless laugh, she finally ripped her wrist from his grip. “You didn’t even check if it did, so why are you bringing that up as if you actually care?” she whispered.

Shit. “He would have told me it did,” he answered then swallowed, not quite convinced of his answer himself.

“Don’t you get it? He doesn’t want to tell you anything, Levi. And he wouldn’t ever if he had the choice.” He braced himself as he noticed her hands balled at either side of her waist. “You’re so goddamn bent on policing him that you forget to parent him, and you’re nothing but an authoritarian that feeds him. Our son has the biggest heart, and by the way you treat him, he would never know that he got any of it from you because you act just like your father figure, not his.”

Levi prided himself on his steel-like aplomb. But if anyone could melt steel, it was Y/N and any selection of words that came from her heart. Often times, they were sweet—almost cloying as he felt he never deserved her praise. This time, they were filled with venom and provided a sensation no different than someone plunging a blade between his lungs. In fact, each of his breaths in following were shaky at best.

Y/N knew that Levi hated being likened to the weasel of a man that raised him almost as much as he hated the man himself. Still, she pressed on, resolved to defend Eren and put an end to the struggles he had with his dad. “You’re silent,” she pointed out. “Because you know it’s true. I’ve tried so many times to get you to understand, to be more gentle with Eren, and you just aren’t. Today would have been the perfect opportunity for you to bond with him. But you didn’t. You couldn’t even treat him like he was worth something. You didn’t reason with him. You didn’t listen, you didn’t explain the why’s or even make sure he wasn’t being hurt by what was happening. You just cursed at a child– My child for having empathy. And you let him sit out in the rain, grieving and crying alone.”

Nausea washed over Levi as the color drained from his face. He felt as though someone had tied an anchor to his lungs and allowed them to dangle precariously in his chest. Tears sprung to his eyes when he realized that the way Y/N described the evening’s events were simply how it happened for Eren. While Levi had been driven by his compulsion toward cleanliness, Eren was acting on his innocence. The child wasn’t hardened by and consequently numb to death like his father was. Eren only saw an injured animal, retrieved it then looked to his dad for help. And Levi had sent him away, practically abandoning him. Even if it was just for the moment that he’d lost his temper, the impact on Eren was irrevocable.

He started to fix his lips to apologize, but he knew the words would be insultingly inadequate given the circumstance. “What do you want me to do, Y/N?” he asked thickly.

By the time his words were out, it seemed an eternity had passed and Y/N already had most of her back to him. What he could see of her face was a perfect and painfully personal illustration of disillusionment. “I want you to stay here, with Eren.”

“What?” Levi felt his own voice sounded like a distant echo in the room.

“I can’t stand to look at you, to be perfectly honest. And you hurt Eren more than you’ll ever know. You need to fix this—all of it while he’s young or you’ll never have the relationship with him that I always wanted for the both of you.”

Y/N turned to walk away again, but in this instance, it felt more final. It was why Levi threw his hand out toward her as if it had any power to halt her from such a distance. “Now you stop right there,” he ground out, masking his misery with a roughness. “You can’t just leave after the shit you’ve said. So where the hell do you think you’re going?”

She paused, providing truth in her earlier statement by keeping her eyes trained on one of the pristinely cleaned tiles. “I’m going to say goodbye to Eren then going to my mom’s house. And if he’s not attached to you by the time I get back, then you can set up a new living arrangement with her.”

[sholangagaga]

How do they cope on the bad days?

Ooohhh this'll be a long one! Info under the cut as always!

Freddy

Bad days are few and far between, but when they hit they hit HARD

It could be anything, from a bad show to a malfunction that forces him to sit out

Freddy prides himself on being the poster boy, so anything that counters that really upsets him

On a bad day, he'd go to Bonnie and vent

He likes to curl against Bonnie's chest and listen to his machinery whirring. It helps ground him

Feeling Bonnie's nails gently scratching his scalp and hearing Bonnie gently comfort him with soft words reminds him that no matter how bad a day is, it wont stay bad forever

Bonnie

Bonnie has bad days often, but he's more of a bottle-it-up type

He doesn't want to burden people with his issues, least of all Freddy

However Bonnie tends to bottle until it overflows, which sometimes causes him to act differently

These are the worst days

Freddy or Chica would be the ones to soothe him after this.

A few words exchanged, and a comforting silent spell just sitting and reflecting

that's how a bad day is cured for him, however he never learns to stop bottling

Chica

When Chica has a bad day, everyone knows it

Everyone reacts to her differently, but its a team effort to cheer her up again

as long as she's laughing by the end of the day, its a job well done

Chica prides herself as being an emotional rock for her friends, so she doesn't have bad days often

Sometimes if it's really bad, she curl up with Freddy and cry

She only trusts Freddy with her tears, because he's the only one who can relate to the stress she'd be feeling

Roxanne

The bad days are when her self esteem issues are at their worst

She'll shut the curtains to her green room and cry in front of her mirror

That's how the others know she's having a bad time

Chica or Foxy will come to her aid when this happens.

Chica will hold Roxy against her chest and give reassuring words

Hearing positive reinforcement will help Roxy bounce back

Foxy will come in and accept the verbal abuse from Roxanne

And every time, when shes close to breaking, he'll hold her tight and pet her hair in the soft way that she likes

"I'm not going to cry in front of you, old man." "You cry when you're ready. I ain't looking, Anny. I won't let anyone see you cry."

She'll cry until she can't anymore

These sessions are the ones that have Roxy coming out feeling the best, but she'll never admit to it.

Monty

Monty handles his bad days with destroying his room, of course

Its his way of venting his frustrations and just letting the metaphorical demons out.

He never cries, and if he did, he'd never cry in front of someone.

Roxanne can always tell when Monty is at his limit

So she gives him things that she "doesn't care about anymore" and tells him to get rid of it

Its her way of helping him vent frustrations without only destroying his room

He appreciates her for this, but she'll tell him she didn't do it for him

Sun/Moon

When the bad days come, they band together to overcome them

They talk to each other, cheer each other up, the whole works

Sometimes Foxy will give them some soft encouragement, but only if they let him

This is the only time the twins are comfortable with each other

They may fight a lot, but they never kick each other when they're down

Foxy

He has bad days all the time

He never lets others in. He doesn't vent, he doesn't cry

Like Bonnie, he bottles things up

Unlike Bonnie, when the bottle is full, Foxy willfully undergoes maintenance that wipes the issues from his memory bank

Foxy faces all of his demons and problems alone, and will continue to do so

He's probably the oldest synthetic there, and he worries that if he ever breaks down emotionally, it'll fracture how they view him and how they react to emotional situations

Not even Sundrop, Moondrop, or Roxanne know anything too personal about Foxy's feelings. THAT'S how locked down he is

[beelsnack]

I know this happens to plenty of people. You work in fast food or retail and your just trying to make a living. Whether your saving to get out of a crappy household ASAP, no matter the job, paying for college, or any other reason and you WILL have shitty jerk customers (At my first job and first day, I was asked if I spoke English because I couldn’t understand him with the mask and there’s a glass in front of the food. Buddy, shush. Didn’t help that I’m sensitive, ended up crying the moment I got home. These jobs are ones where you learn to really respect these workers cause of the crap they go through when you have it as a job)

In this request, the boys visit MC in the human world when they have the chance. So, my request is how would the brothers and Diavolo (the limit was 8 right?) react to coming to the human world one night to visit MC and they see them just crying and just frustrated in general due to shitty asshole customers from work?

I feel it's necessary to let you know that I actually started working on this request while on my break at my retail job.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, friend. Pour one out for the retail workers out here busting ass during a global pandemic.

Thanks for being patient with me, friend, I know I don't really have a consistent upload schedule.

-----

Lucifer: In hindsight. he could have planned this out better.

Perhaps his own pride was to blame. He had planned to surprise the human by showing up unannounced after their shift, but he had gotten so caught up in the thought of them jumping into his arms out of sheer joy that he never considered that it might not be a good time.

"Hush now, my dear," Lucifer sat down next to where they had slumped against the wall of their living room. The carpet was slightly stained and part of him wanted to recoil, but there were more important things to worry about. "Those wretches aren't worth your tears."

He brought his arm around their shoulders, tugging them against his side and letting his cloak drape over them like a blanket. They snuggled into him almost instinctively, and he couldn't help but preen a little bit.

"I know," they hiccupped, burying their face in the crook on his neck. "It's just...sometimes it's hard not to focus on it, y'know?"

Lucifer didn't, but that didn't mean he lacked sympathy. The demon placed two gloved fingers beneath their chin and tilted their head upwards.

"Then how about you focus on me instead?"

Mammon: Turns out every Realm had its Karens. Who knew?

When Mammon had first popped into the human's place and seen them face-down on the kitchen table sobbing, his initial reaction had been violence. He wanted to find whoever made his human cry and wring the reason why out of their throat. But, after the initial bloodlust subsided, he realized that he had something way more important to worry about.

He sat down on the chair next to them, taking one of their hands and gently running his thumb over the bumps of their knuckles as they choked out what had happened. Mammon had worked his fair share of part time jobs, he was no stranger to the specific torture that was retail. So hearing that his human had to go through that made his heart break a tiny bit.

Not that he would show it, of course.

"A'ight, human, the Great Mammon is here to help." he grinned, standing up. "I know just what you need."

He strode over to their kitchen like he lived there, flung open the fridge and pulled out a bottle of alcohol.

"Mammon," the human rubbed at the dried tear tracks on their cheeks. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but...how did you know where I keep my liquor?"

"Minor details, human!"

Leviathan: His first instinct was to panic.

The human was flopped face first onto their couch when Levi showed up, and his specialty had always been jumping to conclusions. He almost took himself out on their coffee table in his haste to make sure they were breathing.

And then the human almost took him out because the logical reaction to someone suddenly bursting into your home and getting right up in your face was to a) scream and b) punch.

After the comedy of errors skit was over, the two of them were sitting upright on the couch. The human looked exhausted, both emotionally and physically, as they filled him in on their day from Hell.

(Except not because their actual days in Hell were a lot better than working retail, but that was beside the point.)

"...so not only did I have to interact with people, which is already more than enough, I got screamed at because this old lady didn't like the price of something! Yes, Helen, I personally made the prices higher just to piss you off, you've figured out my master plan!"

"Ew, no, do not want." Levi winced in sympathy. "My personal remedy is playing beat-em-ups."

"Your solution to everything is video games, Levi."

"Shh, no thoughts, only Smash Brothers."

Satan: He had so many questions.

What happened? How long had the human been sitting there stewing in their own misery? Where was he going to hide the body?

Satan was a pro at suppressing rage. So even though he wanted to go rip out the vocal chords of every soccer mom with a let-me-speak-to-the-manager haircut within a five mile radius, he reigned it in enough to settle himself down on the couch next to the distraught human and rub soothing circles on their back while they tried to tell him what happened through their sobs.

"Next time, summon me and I'll kill them for you."

"I don't think corporate would appreciate me summoning a demon in the middle of a department store."

"I don't appreciate corporate telling you that you have to stand there and be verbally abused by a wrinkly old hag who couldn't figure out what the word 'expires' meant." he huffed. The human let themselves flop heavily against his side, and when he looked down at them he noticed that the corner of their mouth had twitched up in the barest hint of a smile.

"She was, like, thirty, Satan."

"She was a wrinkly old hag in spirit."

Asmodeus: "Oh, darling, what happened?"

Usually Asmo preferred to be on his knees for a different reason, but the human was refusing to look up, so kneeling in front of them was his only option to be able to see their face. He reached up to cup their cheeks, wiping away a few tears with his thumbs. "Shh, it's alright, I'm here, darling. Tell me what happened."

They sniffled, a few fresh tears spilling over when they blinked. "I-I'm sorry, Asmo, I - "

"No need to apologize, darling." he moved some of their hair behind their ear. "Just let it all out. Bottling up all of those negative emotions will make you break out."

After a few more minutes, they finally calmed down enough to recount the torture that had been their retail shift.

"Ugh, honestly," Asmo shook his head. "Hearing those kind of stories just makes you wonder. How do people get so entitled like that?"

He stood from his kneeling position, reaching down to hold their hands. "I refuse to let any of those awful people contaminate your beauty, darling. You," he let go of one of their hands to boop them affectionately on the nose. "Need a spa night."

"A spa night?"

"Mm-hm!" Asmo hummed, already on his way to the bathroom. "You let Nurse Asmo was all of those icky feelings away."

Beelzebub: They hadn't even made it fully into the living room.

When Beel stepped through the portal into the human's apartment and saw them curled into a ball near the doorway, he was immediately on high alert and checking for danger. Only after he realized that he didn't smell blood and had made sure to inspect all of the places for danger to hide did he lower his hackles.

The human was watching him through watery eyes, and Beel realized belatedly that he hadn't even greeted them. Well, bit too late for that. He crossed the living room in a few long strides and crouched down in front of them, lifting their hair out of the way to check for injuries.

Satisfied that there was no immediate danger, he scooped them up into his arms and deposited them on the couch. "Do you want to talk about it?"

They shrugged, wiping furiously at their eyes. "Just...people at work were being jerks, is all. I'm probably just being a big baby about it."

"No you aren't," Beel sat down next to them. "You're allowed to be upset if people are being hurtful."

That only brought on a fresh wave of tears, and Beel felt a little guilty. He pulled them closer until they were practically in his lap and tucked them underneath his chin like he could physically shield them from all of the awful things in the Three Realms.

"I'll make us some dinner. Everything's worse when you're hungry."

Bephegor: They started nap time without him.

Well, that's what it looked like when Belphie first popped through the portal. But, upon closer inspection, he noticed that the lump under the blankets that was the human was definitely not sleeping. Their breathing was quick and staccato, interrupted here and there by low, hiccupping whines.

They were crying.

Well that wouldn't do. Crying yourself to sleep just gave you a headache.

"Hey," he peeled back the protective layer of blanket to look at the human. Eyes red-rimmed and puffy, with a little wet spot on the pillow where their tears had landed. They sniffled, trying to shrink back into their blanket burrito, but Belphie held first. "Let me in."

He wiggled his way into the cocoon until they two of them were snuggled together, with their head against his collarbone. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"Humans suck."

"Didn't we solve this issue already?" Belphie snickered when they pushed weakly against his chest. "Why in particular do humans suck?"

With a shuddering sigh, they recounted the events of the day. How they had been screamed at by customers, then scolded by their boss when said customers complained, then treated like actual garbage by their coworkers when the boss took their anger out on their employees.

"...Yeah, humans suck." Belphie tugged them in a little closer, burying his face in their hair. "But you've got your favorite demonic nap buddy here, so you don't have to worry about humans, okay?"

Diavolo: He felt powerless.

It was not a feeling Diavolo experienced often as the Crown Prince of the Devildom, and the few times he did experience it, he didn't like it.

If they had been in the Devildom, he would simply order whoever had made the human upset to be tortured for a decade or two - well, actually, he would have them brutally killed, revived, and then killed again, but the human was a merciful soul and likely wouldn't let him. But this was the Human Realm, where the only influence he had was the intimidation factor of his height and size. So all he could do was hold the human as they sobbed against his chest.

"This isn't fair to you," he mumbled into their hair as they sat on the couch. "You should be in the Devildom, treated like the noble you are. You shouldn't have to deal with these ingrates who think they're better because you're on the clock at that particular moment."

They whimpered softly as Diavolo murmured sweet things to them. Even if it was merely a fantasy, it was nice to think of a world where they wouldn't have to put up with all of the bullshit of retail.

Maybe one day they would take Diavolo up on his offer.

[south-park-meta]

why do you think cartman is abusing stan? they get along ok

I think Cartman's abusive towards everyone with Kyle and Butters getting the worst of it. But I have come around more to the way Cartman's abusive to Stan than when I made my initial analysis of their relationship. I said there that Cartman attacked things that mostly Stan's not bothered by, and some of that's true. Like, attacking him for caring about animals isn't something that affects him very often.

But with that said, there IS a core of attacking Stan for (lacking) masculinity and that actually does seem to be something he's anxious about...just not to Cartman directly. Cartman regularly calls him a pussy, gay, weak, seeming like a girl. The Cissy is probably the best example of the name-calling because it encompasses basically all of it

Do you know your girlfriend's going around tellin' everyone that you're gay?! [Stan looks around] Oh yeah! She's got the whole school believin' that she's attracted to girls, but she's dating you! So what does that make you, Stan?! A girl! STAN-AN'S A GIR-RL! You'd better curb your dog, Stan! You'd better curb your dog before people start ripping on you!

He tells Stan he's too weak to control his girlfriend, that he's gay, and that he's a girl all at once. Stan actually has a reaction (looking around, looking nervous, and he does end up talking to his dad and Principal Victoria. Cartman GOT a reaction, just not one he wanted).

The thing is, Stan's masculinity IS the thing he's most defensive of, and is his 'weak point' in relation to Kyle being Jewish, Kenny being poor, Butters being naive. He gets nervous about seeming gay and has to overcome it. He does get ripped on/ name-called/dismissed for not being manly enough or seeming gay by both his uncle, who he looks up to, and his dad, who he does (for most of the show) have a mutually loving relationship with. MOST of the 'Stan has a moment of character growth in the way of accepting who he is' comes down to him being okay with shirking stereotypical masculinity. Cartman is a master at honing in on weaknesses and he ABSOLUTELY has Stan's down.

So, then, why doesn't Cartman really tear the shit out of him more?

The thing is that Stan doesn't rise to the bait in angry outbursts. Kyle does. Kenny does, sometimes, too. Butters is specifically dismissed as a Kyle punching bag replacement because he doesn't. But Cartman also can't just casually abuse him constantly the way he does Butters, or put Stan's dick in his mouth while he sleeps, or give him a poop moustache, because Stan would up and leave the friendship, or actually physically beat him up. It has to be a verbal or emotional, non-physical attack. Stan doesn't get ripped on by Cartman more because he doesn't tend to take the bait in a way that would be fun and would let Cartman continue to feed off of it and really tear him to pieces.

So why doesn't Stan take the bait? Is he not upset by it?

The thing is he DOES get upset about this kind of thing. He just tends not to confront it directly. Instead he tends to want to compensate for the accusations. He tries to force Sparky to be straight. He doesn't play along at the wild west show because Wendy's there. He shoots and kills Skuzzlebutt. He becomes hypercritical of Gary and chews him out for Mormonism. And in each and every one of these cases, the best choice is consistently for him not to worry about seeming like anything except what he is. I think The Cissy is a step forward for him in, instead of outright denying who he is, he just sits down and questions it instead. Personally I think there hasn't been another comment on it since he came to the conclusion he is a boy (I know there're nb headcanons for him and I won't pick at it too much because I don't think it runs contrary to his character per se, I just don't agree with it. I see it as more of another masculinity introspection than really specifically a gender one), but I think it's a step forward for his character growth. He has multiple times gone through an arc of 'hide who you are, then realize who you are is really an asset', and sometimes that gets to a point of 'fuck what people think' but often it just kind of is what it is and he doesn't really do anything with it. He still cares about not being manly enough, and often the lesson of it is 'yeah you ARE kind of a pussy but it's fine, people will like you anyway, or being a pussy is beneficial to helping people'. While the recent seasons have made Stan more depressed and miserable, he's also FINALLY starting to get to a point of-- instead of worrying what makes other people like him, what makes him an asset to other people-- 'What makes me like myself? What makes me who I am?'

ANYWAY with all that said, the reason Cartman doesn't get much out of moments like this is that Stan often doesn't have a reaction, period. Sometimes it's because he probably literally doesn't care. He doesn't always value Cartman's opinion, and he does seem able to let a lot of comments go as just being bullshit. The other thing is that if it actually gets to the point of GETTING a reaction, it's not one that would be fun for Cartman. Literally the only thing that's ever come out of Stan reacting to the insecurity that Cartman harps on (whether because of Cartman or not) is that he either suppresses or questions it, and decides he likes himself more as he was to start with. Like he very consistently has improved himself through being criticized on this very point.

So does he have a point that Cartman can hurt him on?

Absolutely, and that point is Kyle.

Stan consistently has stronger, more hurt, more violent reactions to Cartman when it's Kyle that Cartman's going after. When Cartman makes a comment that Kyle's going to die, Stan tells him not to say things like that (even though people regularly die or talk about death around them). When Cartman's treating Kyle unfairly and Kyle can't do anything about it himself, Stan rights it. Even when Stan and Kyle aren't getting along, multiple seasons after Stan told Kyle that he was destroying the last thread of friendship they had left by siding with Cartman in the GOT arc, he still takes tit-for-tat revenge on Cartman in Band in China for Kyle's sake.

The way to get Kyle to respond in a fun way is for Cartman to attack Kyle.

The way to get Stan to respond in a fun way is for Cartman to attack Kyle.

I think it's noteworthy that when Cartman checks out on the 'broship' it's after Stan has checked out on Kyle, and pointedly stayed out of Kyle's fight with Cartman even after Kyle asked him to get involved with it. It's not worth keeping Stan tied in to the group because he's not coming to Kyle's defense, so there's no fun to be had in Stan hanging around. It's ALSO noteworthy that Kyle is equally blindsided by both of them.

But, okay, Cartman is nice to Stan sometimes. He's probably nicer to him than he is pretty much any other character. I think Cartman was playing a balancing act and lost.

He wants Stan and Kyle to be friends, because their friendship is important to get them both riled up. But he wants himself to be the most important to both of them, and that means he HAS to knock them down a peg in each other's opinions. They need to be friends with each other, good enough friends that Stan wants to defend Kyle when Cartman's mean to him and Kyle can't defend himself. It's no fun if Kyle's literally defenseless and Cartman gets jack for a reaction. But they have to be best friends with Cartman, because Cartman has a massive ego. This is a pretty damn hard line to walk.

But here are some nice things that Cartman's done for Stan:

-He came and hung out with him on Tegridy, and had solo activities bonding with him through board games and things like that.

-He helped Stan with the drug ring in Hummels and Heroin

-He saved the pangolin

The first two things are a clear spit in Kyle's face. Kyle is the core group who seems most disconnected from what's going on on Tegridy. Cartman is very clearly trying to take Kyle's place as Stan's go-to. Around(ish, keeping in mind the show's internal timeline) the same time, through the GOT arc, he is focusing his attention on bonding with Kyle.

Likewise, Kyle tells Stan outright he's not going to help with the Hummels problem in the second case. Cartman gets involved because Stan says he 'needs' him. He's willing to help because it puts him in direct competition with Kyle; he's helping Stan when Kyle told him to figure it out himself. He is weasling in on the best friend role.

In the last case, I think it's because he still wanted the 'broship' to work, and like I said I think he did up until Stan gave up on his friendship with Kyle. Stan's having a complete mental breakdown, which would cause issues and not be enjoyable on Cartman's end, so he'll give him a bone and let him maintain his sanity so Cartman can keep having fun pitting Stan and Kyle against each other while being besties with them both. He just flew too close to the sun and lost with it because Stan was teetering on the edge for the friendship since YGO and the next episode pushed him over.

In conclusion, Cartman's actions with Stan are 100% meant to manipulate him and emotionally destroy him. It just happens that Stan takes attacks on himself pretty internally and might even come out stronger for it. So for the most part if everything else is going fine, he's a tough nut to crack. The stuff that really fucks him up and tears him apart mentally is attacking Kyle, or attacking his friendship with Kyle.

[incorrect-pokespe-quotes]

Let’s Talk About Norman

I’m going to start off by telling you all something you probably already know: Norman is abusive. I try not to use super strong language on this blog because calling someone abusive / toxic is a pretty big deal, but Norman is an abuser, full stop. Aside from the obvious physical violence though, there’s a lot of emotional trauma he causes Ruby through his actions— this post is mostly going to be talking about Norman’s emotional abuse and how it affects Ruby’s psyche and actions throughout the arc instead of just “oh he punched his son down some stairs” because I think it goes way deeper than that. With that out of the way, the rest of the post is below the cut!

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

I can’t talk about Ruby and Norman without mentioning this— it’s the most clear cut evidence of his abuse on-panel. He punches his son down the stairs, engages in a high stakes fight with him, and puts him in mortal danger (which Ruby has to save himself from). What I’m concerned with isn’t the actual incidence of violence itself, but rather the emotional baggage that comes with it.

The interesting thing about the Big Fight scene to me is that Norman instigates the conflict. Norman lures Ruby into a “dark and scary building” in the rain and away from others, appears behind him, threatens him, and throws him against a wall. The only thing Ruby had done in that moment is ask his dad how / why he had found him— Norman was the instigator of violence. It is Ruby’s reaction to this immediately violent start that segues into the next Big Thing about their relationship.

ENVIRONMENT OF FEAR

It is obvious from the minute Norman appears on panel that he is intimidating. Multiple characters throughout the arc mention that they are scared of / intimidated by him, but none are more obvious than Ruby. In fact until we reach the scene at the Weather Institute, Norman hasn’t been shown in a positive light at all from Ruby’s perspective. Ruby continuously mentions fear about his father: he imagines his father grabbing him, looking angrily at him, and generally seems to be afraid of him. Ruby expresses worry and concern about the consequences of his father’s anger— and that’s ALL he thinks about. Ruby mentions explicitly that he has seen “Norman’s Dark Side” and tries to hide as soon as he appears. He even shivers at the mere mention of Norman. Ruby’s entire motivation is his fear of his dad, which is bad, obviously. 

Every thought about Norman that Ruby has up until the Weather Institute about Norman express fear and stress Norman’s emotional distance. Whether or not Ruby and Norman love each other is not of importance here, what is important is that Ruby has constant worry and anxiety about how Norman will react. His entire motivation at the beginning of the arc is centered around doing things behind Norman’s back and giving him definitive proof of Ruby’s accomplishments— Ruby is so nervous around Norman that he considers communicating to be a risk. This is typical abuse victim behavior and it continues through the arcs. Living under the constant threat of (often violent) punishment has taught Ruby that disagreements and communication in general are dangerous and can spiral into violence very, very quickly— he displays this same fear time and time again.

Quick Aside: As everyone here probably knows, the main conflict in the oras arc is centered around Ruby’s unwillingness to tell Sapphire what is going on for fear of how she will react. Ruby’s hiding of his memory of their confession in the Emerald arc is the same— Ruby refuses to communicate because he is afraid of how Sapphire will react. His main emotional flaw is the fact that he is driven by fear; Norman has shown him there are consequences to communication and Ruby carries this lesson throughout his entire life. He is a victim of abuse and this hampers his ability to communicate and be emotionally vulnerable. He is so caught up in the idea of consequences that he is more than willing to lie or omit the truth to avoid the consequences of talking to people about stressful topics. This is not to say that Ruby’s actions are excusable— he’s still a dick with communication issues, but whether or not Kusaka intended it, Norman’s abuse and its consequences define Ruby’s emotional arc.

ANGER ISSUES

I can’t really talk about the environment of fear that Norman created without talking about his anger issues. He crushes a phone, shoves people out of the way, knocks multiple Pokemon out at once, and otherwise acts aggressively in various situations throughout the arc without any real Reason. As if these hints weren’t enough, we actually get confirmation through Ruby’s mother that Norman “does this often”— and judging by Birch’s reaction, these displays of destructive anger aren’t normal in in-universe. Whether or not there is a violent / strict parenting style within the universe doesn’t matter, because Norman is shown to be uncharacteristically aggressive in comparison to other adults in the series. Judging by Ruby’s reaction at the Weather Institute, he implies that his type of violence towards him isn’t uncommon; he seems almost resigned to it.

To wrap up this section: Norman’s aggressiveness is atypical even in-universe, he is shown to be unable and unwilling to curb his violent anger, and this creates an environment of fear among his family that permanently impacts Ruby’s ability to communicate effectively with others.

PART 2

DISCLAIMER: This is where things get… dicey. Everything I’ve mentioned previously is rooted in the actual drawings and actions of the characters or overarching themes / problems. This next part however focuses on dialogue. It is almost impossible to truly understand the tone of each line without being a fluent Japanese speaker (which I am not) so instead I’m going to use Viz and CY to the best of my ability for this section. I’m not going to extrapolate this to Kusaka’s intentions, since without the original work that’s nearly impossible, but I can at least talk about the way these come off in English.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Admittedly, Viz is the worst about this. They constantly hype Norman up and excuse his behavior, outright censoring some of the physical and emotional abuse. Viz absolutely mangling the tone of RS, however, is a post for another time.

Because Norman actually speaks to Ruby at length a grand total of twice times in the RS arc, we can break down his actions into these two instances: the first is at the weather institute and the second is as he’s dying.

Rather than go based on overall theme, this scene is best done line by line (this is using the CY version due to limited censorship compared to Viz). 

Scene 1: Volume 17, Chapters 208-210

(Norman is dangling Ruby off the roof of a building by his collar. There are sharp rocks at the bottom)

Ruby: Re… release me…! Norman: Insolent brat!! Is that how you talk to your father?!

To start, Norman uses tone policing and deflection. He focuses on the fact that Ruby is “talking back” to him and making demands of his father, which doesn’t acknowledge Ruby’s request or the fact that Ruby is being dangling over the roof of a building. Also note that this is the first time the words are bolded and that they stay this way throughout the fight— Norman verbally escalates the fight. Norman is abusing his position of power over Ruby in order to excuse his actions and pass the blame back to his son.

Ruby: I don’t care how furious you are with me… I’m ready for it!

(Norman decks Ruby down a flight of stairs)

Norman: Why did you run away from home?!

Note once again that Norman is implied to start raising his voice first even when Ruby isn’t. There’s another deflection here: Norman changes the subject rather than actively respond to anything Ruby says.

Norman: Well? Say something! You’d better voice your complaints right now!!

(Ruby has a conversation with the Swimmer, who advises him to apologize to avoid his father’s rage and “just go home” which… fuck you Swimmer Jack. I’m skipping that part of the dialogue bc it isn’t that important).

(While Ruby is debating what to do, Norman’s Slaking lifts the stairs that Ruby is on and tries to fling him into next Tuesday).

Ruby is physically prevented from escaping by being dangled above Norman. I shouldn’t have to tell why physically preventing someone from leaving an argument is a bad thing.

(Ruby decides to fight Norman)

Note that Norman is physically and emotionally forcing Ruby into two possible options: Fight or be obedient. He is preventing Ruby from running and deflecting Ruby’s attempts to explain himself. He then shifts the blame to Ruby *again*, attacking Ruby and his pokemon with full force and implying it was Ruby who instigated the conflict in the first place.

Norman: … so you wish to fight me? … Iron Tail and Hyper Beam… I was the one who taught you those attacks. There’s nothing about your attacks and strategies I don’t know about. You’re just wasting your time! Give up!

Here, Norman does two things: he stresses Ruby’s dependence on him and his power over Ruby. It’s a typical “your success is dependent on me” and a “there is no option except obedience” rhetoric, and is likewise typical of abusers. Norman is stressing the things Norman has gifted to Ruby (battling knowledge) and using whatever he can to force Ruby to do what he wants— he’s exerting his control.

(Ruby turns the tide of the battle, so Norman likewise switches tactics by attacking Ruby himself and attempting to hit him with a staircase. Ruby falls down the stairs and is dangling over a pit of spikes when Norman stands on the edge, blocking Ruby’s only escape route).

Norman: Now will you come quietly? Stop being so stubborn

Not only is Norman forcing his son to choose between obedience and Literal Death, he also shifts the blame again. He excuses his own actions by claiming it is Ruby’s stubbornness that forced him into this position. He deflects the whole “putting my 11 year old in harm’s way” by claiming Ruby’s own resistance to Norman’s violence is the trigger for the violence itself. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s victim-blaming nonetheless and sadly, it works

(Flashback time: Norman admits he was going to give Ruby permission to participate in contests and gets emo about it. They fall, but Norman catches Ruby. This doesn’t matter though, because they both end up falling and Ruby uses his running shoes to save them both).

Ruby: (thinking) Ru- running shoes… my birthday present from dad… saved both… our lives

Ruby displays pretty typical abuse victim behavior here, focusing not on Norman’s 3 threats to literally kill him but instead on the One Good Thing Norman did. He doesn’t mention that it was Ruby himself who saved them both or that Norman was the one who put them in danger in the first place— he’s in total denial about the severity of everything that happened.

(At this point, Norman looms above Ruby with an angry expression and a raised pokeball. Bystanders panic because it appears that Norman is going to attack Ruby who, by the way, is unconscious on the ground, but Norman gets a surprise call from Winona and turns away after realizing that Winona can see him).

“I only stopped attacking my son when I realized people were watching”… alright fuck off then Norman

Norman: HEY!! Idiot son! You disobeyed your parents, then you ran away from home. I’ve had enough! Just do what you want! In return, you’d better accomplish your goals!! A man should complete what he has set out to do… … before he can return home!!

Hoo boy. Norman never apologizes, deflects all the blame onto Ruby, insults him twice, and then tries to save face with Winona and the people around him by giving Ruby permission to do contests— which he was apparently planning to do all along. He emphasizes the things Ruby did in response to Norman’s actions (Ruby ran away from home because he knew his dad would be unsupportive and gets violent during disagreements, so in essence Norman is to blame for backing him into a corner). Norman twists the narrative in order to make Ruby the instigator in every case, justifying Norman’s responses as reactions to Ruby’s problematic behavior

Swimmer Jack: Isn’t that a wonderful father? Ruby: Thank you… father.

Ok first of all Jack is a dumbass, so jot that down. Second of all, while it’s unintentional, Ruby is being gaslit to hell and back. It is only after Norman’s omission of all the abusive behavior and bystanders’ affirmation of Norman’s love that Ruby starts to think positively towards his father. The threat Ruby used to think was so large has been downplayed and outright denied by the people around him, so Ruby’s prior fear of Norman diminishes. Ruby’s fear of Norman and the violence Norman took against him is denied, downplayed, and ignored, so Ruby begins to doubt his own animosity towards his father. Thanks Swimmer Jack you unintentionally gaslit an 11 year old.

SCENE 2: (this one is much shorter, thank god)

(Norman, while he is dying, explains the whole deal with how he was ordered to search for Rayquaza yada yada. Throughout the exchange, Ruby gets increasingly upset).

Ruby: (thinking) barred from the test and forced to search for Rayquaza… It must be some kind of punishment! What could Dad have done to warrant such… why was he made responsible… ?!

Ruby: … … but… come to think of it, dad is not someone who makes mistakes easily… something’s not right!

Slight aside, Ruby has been so convinced of his father’s power by others that he is unwilling to even CONSIDER that his dad fucked up, which… wow!

Ruby: That day… Dad must have taken the rap for someone else… and… (flashbacks to Salamence Incident) that person… was….

Ruby: (out loud) … me?! That person who set Rayquaza free… was it me…?!

Norman: Yes.

And then he dies!

(Technically he says “oh I did all that out of love” (paraphrased) and then dies but it’s just a continuation of the previous thing).

Norman, before dying, does not say “I’m proud of you” or “I’m sorry for everything” or anything remotely comforting, instead he says “hey Ruby, you’re responsible for my death and all your childhood trauma alongside your friend’s. Peace.” (this is paraphrased).

Even on his actual deathbed, Norman places the blame on Ruby for Norman’s own actions. He makes Ruby feel guilty for Norman leaving, Norman hiding information from him, and Ruby’s tumultuous childhood.

CONCLUSION

None of this is to say that Norman doesn’t love Ruby or that Ruby doesn’t love him back— I’m fairly positive the two of them love each other dearly and want the best for each other. However, Norman is a child abuser who reacts violently, instigates violence, and then turns around and denies said violence. He creates a culture of fear among his family, gives Ruby some serious communication issues, and the narrative takes his side. Norman is a child abuser in canon and has a very VERY profound effect on Ruby which has emotional ramifications throughout Ruby’s entire character arc all the way until oras.

TLDR: Normans sucks man

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: Episode 3

First of all, wow. When I decided to post those online, I was expecting that they would be read by two people, both of whom I personally know. It was in equal part surprising and terrifying that so many of you ventured here. Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it. 

Episode 3 is probably my favourite case. It’s not perfectly strung together, there is little actual investigative work in it, but it’s a beautiful story of boundless love and devotion, which echoes through the relationship between our protagonists

Professor Shen is looking at some materials that are looking suspiciously like research into something supernatural, when Zhang Ruonan makes an appearance at his office, claiming that she is absolutely fine, while clearly being very far away from fine. This is something Shen Wei can certainly relate to, because he is the king of hiding his ailments from others. 

Zhu Hong’s one-sided affection for Zhao Yunlan starts to show already in this episode:  while he has the cold, she nags him to take care of himself, shoves tissues into his hands, and presses him to drink his meds. It’s easy to imagine even this early on that she will be the woman drunk dialling him one day. 

I know this could be seen as straightbaiting, but I honestly thing that the actual purpose it serves in the show is the opposite; I’ll talk more about it when we get there.

Zhao Yunlan spends a lot of this episode in Shen Wei’s office, starting with this scene, in which is obviously flexing. Not only does he sneeze all over the office, he goes to eat Shen Wei’s cake after specifically being told not to eat it.  He also takes his opportunity to mix questioning with flirting, as is his usual way. He keeps eye contact while spooning cake into his mouth, as he explains, jovially, that another mysterious death on his campus cannot possibly be a coincidence. And, to be fair, he is not really wrong. We are meant to believe that this is all set in motion by Zhu Jiu, aka the least scary villain in the history of villainy, and an owner of your staple baby goth wig. I will not mention him again until the plot makes it impossible for me not to do so. 

Zhang Ruonan comes in, and Zhao Yunlan introduces himself as Shen Wei’s good friend. Which is half-way between a flex and an act of kindness. On one hand, he could have said he was from the police - which would be absolutely true - and risk tarnishing the professor’s good name. On the other hand, he could probably look less pleased with himself. Shen Wei, at the very least, looks neither grateful, nor amused. 

Zhao Yunlan asks her if she new the victim and she looks incredibly shifty as she flees. He is right to think that something is up, and he correctly assumes trauma, rather than guilt. We can now start to see that he is very very good at reading people. It must be equal parts thrilling and disconcerting for him to have met something who he decisively cannot read. Shen Wei vouches for the woman, partly, surely, because his Hei Pao Shi sense is tingling, letting him know that someone is eavesdropping. 

Despite feeling uneasy, Shen Wei still offers Guo Changcheng, who is left to collect various paperwork from his desk, a little smile. He has a reason to like Xiao Guo, of course: he was the one to see the young man’s kindness and understanding, and he is already growing protective of him, way before he will start seeing members of the special unit as his people. This reminds me of how many months later, he will subtly, but decisively stop a barrage of verbal abuse against Xiao Guo by dropping a pair of chopsticks. 

Zhao Yunlan is taking Xiao Guo with him on the case rather than anyone else, partly, supposedly, because of Guo Changcheng’s familial connections. The young man looks more sure of himself, asking correct questions, dutifully records answers. He also tries to look after his Chief by asking him to go home and rest. He does phrase it badly, but Zhao Yunlan has a thing against his own health and well-being, so he reacts extra poorly.

Soon after, Zhao Yunlan’s at Shen Wei’s office yet again, as Shen Wei tries his best to ignore him, in the hope that he… well, maybe not goes away, but does not ask him anything that will require him lying. Instead, Zhao Yunlan is asking Shen Wei why he is bad at reading people, which is a very strange thing to ask. Shen Wei answers his question with a question, “Will seeing through people really lessen the hurt and disappointment?” Adding, “Many tragedies were destined from the beginning”. He looks well.. like this as he says it. 

This is loaded. On first glance, it’s a pretty good set-up to the way this story will unfold, as a tragedy of two individuals who let their devotion to each other nearly ruin each other’s life. A fragile human and a dangerous powered Undergroundian: what else is that, but a tragedy, waiting to happen? But this story - this one right in front of us - will not end tragically, at least not for the two people it enters around. It could do so, but it will not. Maybe, this truly is the first hint that this entire narrative, so carefully set up from the very first time Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei meet, is destined to be a tragedy. Moreover, that it must be one, for some cosmic reason. 

(… I apologise while I go have a little cry in the corner. Damn you, Guardian, why do you make me hurt so much?)

Da Qing inexplicably morphs from black cat to a human in white t-shirt while doing night shadowing, and promptly falls asleep on patrol. Why is he being sent to stake anyone out? He is least suitable for it.  He is literally a cat. He sleeps 16 hours a day. 

Surprisingly, when pressed, Zhang Ruonan comes clean very easily, revealing that she was a victim of the three students she failed (two of which are already dead and one one standing right next to them), who lured her out at night, which left her vulnerable to be attacked. Zhao Yunlan listens to this story, and instead of… oh I don’t know, perhaps asking her the identity of the third student, leaves to go find that out for himself. It is heavily implied that he does it on purpose, which is definitely not okay.  

Moreover, he goes and... asks Shen Wei. This makes me suspect that he’s not really thinking with his head at this point. As he does so, he is brandishing a letter opener. 

Shen Wei is looking even less impressed with him than he did during their last few conversations. 

Zhao Yunlan is a little bit flippant when it comes to students’ lives this episode. And yes, they have done something really quite horrible to another human being, but that's not a very good excuse to let the last of them just die. As it happens, the situation Yunlan created - perhaps on purpose - did lure out Zhao Ruonan’s murder girlfriend, but it also cost a student his life. Which is far from ideal, but is somehow never even mentioned. Instead of being aghast, he sits on the table as he goes into full interrogation mode. (As he will continue to do a lot. Sometimes he crouches on tables instead. There is no further point here, apart from: I like this character quirk. It’s a nice character quirk.)

He brings some of his team in at this point, and asks Zhu Hong to continue interrogation. It would be a nice gesture is he did not interject two questions in. 

“How do you regard your relationship with Wang Yike?”

“We are family.”

They are definitely, decisively not going for sisterly bond here. Which is kind of incredible. This is one of the moments the amorphous being that show is looks at the censors, wiggles its battered low budget eyebrows at them, and then proceeds to flip them off. Well done, Guardian. 

Wang Yike calls Zhang Ruonan, saying there is one more victim she needs to take care of, and Lin Jing traces the call back to campus. Zhao Yunlan, who did not even bat an eyelid at a dead student earlier, now looks decisively worried  

“Oh no. Professor Shen.” 

The only reason Shen Wei is attacked is jealousy. Wang Yike does not know this of course, but trying to kill him is a bad move, because a) he has long ago given his heart away, and is definitely not interested; b) this is probably the only thing she could do to make the man on the case very very upset; c) Shen Wei’s immune to her powers. 

“Someone like you will never understand what she means to me!” Wang Yike shouts eventually. “As long as I can protect her, my life has worth!” And, even as Wang Yike has no way of knowing it, these are the words that ultimately save both her and her loved one. Because Shen Wei does in fact understand what Zhang Ruonan means to her. His own endless and ultimately self-destructive devotion is his main driving force.

Shen Wei pretends to be hurt, again, which earns him a half-hug from the object of his devotion. If Zhao Yunlan does notice that Shen Wei should really come out of this attack grey haired and dead, and not just mildly inconvenienced, he chooses not to say anything. 

Worried about her murder girlfriend, Zhang Ruonan rushes in and accidentally touches her. Zhao Yunlan Freaks The Hell Out. Shen Wei does, too, but in his own, reserved, way. They are both emotionally invested in those two people, although for very different reasons: Shen Wei is acutely feeling resonance of his own past in their story, and Zhao Yunlan, I think, wants to fix it, he wants to be able to make it better. Instead, Shen Wei fixes it for him, turning the tide on this tragedy, and giving it a happy ending. He heals Zhang Ruonan right in front of the officers of SID, albeit with much subtlety. (“Have someone saved her right under our noses?” Zhu Hong will snort the very same evening, and she will be 100% correct.)

Shen Wei also lets Wang Yike go despite the undeniable fact that she did kill three people. Here, he is looking at the picture of this human/Undergroundian couple, surviving despite all odds, and touches his only reminder that Kunlun really was in his life. 

He then burns the picture as the only evidence that Wang Yike was not punished by him for her crimes. 

In the end, Guo Chengcheng is making first of his many diary notes about the events, recounting a conversation between Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan we had not witnessed, in which Shen Wei mentioned a relationship based on devotion that can last a thousand years, and Zhao Yunlan called such a relationship “guarding”. Finally, Guo Changcheng hopes that he can become a guardian of all. 

And this is making me think that this absolutely should be a set-up for him becoming a wick of the guardian lantern, as per every single other decision that was made prior to the last two episodes. Right? This is a perfect foreshadowing, and mentioning it here, so early in the show would not make any sense if it were a deliberate subversion. So, was Guo Changcheng meant to become the wick after all before... what, some rewrites happened? What made the final episode be what it was in the end?

(This is a genuine question by that way, if anyone has any insight on the matter.)

The episode would end here, if this was a western show, with a familiar monster of the week structure, but it does not. At least, the way it ends is reminiscent of a cliffhanger, with Zhao Yunlan catching Shen Wei in a middle of a crime scene, and looking betrayed. 

Next episode: Lynchian Nightmare, aka people without faces. 

PS.

I did not have a seamless way to stick this in anywhere but... Shen Wei’s technological ineptness at the max: he does not know how to use a Polaroid camera. Help him, he is so lost.

——

Second point of housekeeping to say a few things: 

I don’t think I will be consistent with certain things being transliterated versus translated. I am more likely to use Hei Pao Shi rather than Black Cloak Envoy (because the later reminds me of Tuxedo Mask, which makes me inwardly giggle every time) but at the same time I am also more likely to use Underground/Undergroundian rather than Dixing/Dixingren. I am more likely to use Xiao rather than Little, but have called Chu Old rather than Lao before. I hope that’s not grating, but do tell me if it is

My recaps are Shen Wei-heavy. I have no real explanation for this, apart from.. I like Shen Wei. 

I realise that there will definitely be things here that are head canon and speculation rather than flat observations; this show is a work of fiction and a work of art, which cannot be interpreted objectively. If you have alternate takes on anything I write in the future, let me know! 

[plush-rabbit]

What headcanons you have in request box actually? I'm really curious lol. Have nice day btw, I love your work!!!!!

Okay, so usually I put some in a doc and then like figure it out from there so if you've sent one in and haven't seen it, don't worry, it'll be done and added once I make a dent lmao. These are also a mix of hc and fics. Some I'm like part way through so ye

There also might be some that I might not do because its vague, like I'm given just the prompt and I don't know what to do with it or there's just no ideas that come to mind so I really am sorry.

Upcoming ones:

Met with Dia and he said “how else will you please me?” And I think it awoke something in me?? Can I request Diavolo with a bashful innocent MC and him just laying back and letting her have his way with him? But of course he’s a total dom so he’s gonna take control but just has a little fun letting her take the reins to start with? Hi. I just found your stuff and you write so well for Obey Me. Could I request a fic with Barbatos and a female MC? Maybe she's staying at the palace for whatever reason and when he goes to his room he hears her moaning his name so he checks on her but she's sleeping. The next day he hints that she must've had a good dream much to her dismay. That night he goes to her room and she's awake and they end up sleeping together. With some praise and maybe even some tail action. Thank you! Can I please get a uuuhhh possessive/borderline yandere Leon please :3c maybe it’s after a big match for her and everyone’s fawning over her and he steals her away and reminds her that she’s his? 💕✨ I saw those headcanons where Jin and Shigaraki became parental or sibling figures to the reader sooooooo how about headcanons of a fem!reader being a mother figure to the league? Just an ordinary citizen in her late twenties until she met the LOV unexpectedly, during the time where the league had to hide and the reader's place is conveniently open (then again I'm sure they'd bust in if it wasn't) and she didn't rat them out. This happened quite a lot of times to the point where the reader is used to it by now and just lets them in, even if they weren't hiding from anyone and just wants to stay for the night. When she got closer to the league, she starts to show care and love for them in a way a mother would the reader isn't a member of the league, but they already consider her as family :'D I just really want them to get care and love since they've been through so much Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 I like the Lucky!Cat!reader hc. Could you do some for the LOV, with a Male Cat s/o? Thank you! You're the best!! I've been obsessing about flowers and their meanings or what they symbolize soooooo. How would the LOV react to their s/o giving them a certain flower and then finding out what the flower means/symbolizes? Hope this passes! It's a request for OM. Can I have headcanons of the brothers + Diavolo (if you don't mind) of their s/o dancing "Paradise Lost" by GAIN? Provided you a link to the video for reference 😁: https://youtu.be/4i32ANEa5mk Headcanons where the LOV has an s/o whose like a literal ball of sunshine. Always happy and bubbly, smiling and laughing, they just seem to epitome of joy. Until one day, they just break down, being so emotionally drained from different factors that they can keep up the act of being happy anymore Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 hey!! hru? i have a question do you think shigaraki would like a threesome? what if his s/o didn’t want one bc she’s like possessive of him (in a non toxic way) hey plush, can you do a reader x Shiggy and Dabi whos crying to them/grabbing their shirts and burring themselves into shiggy and dabi/ about their verbally abusive ex, how theyre so different from them, so much nicer and softer, how they(the reader) never thought they could be loved or deserved kindness? its been one of those days, i just need some comfort. thank you♡ heyy!! ^^ can i request some headcanons for hawks reacting to his female s/o belly dancing for him? :3 Heyo this is beetle juice anon idk if u remember me I’m the person who said shiggy sounds like beetle juice, I swear I couldn’t get that thought out of my head so can I request shiggy and reader getting hit by a quirk that forces them to do a musically ( idk I just want shiggy to sing honestly lmaoooo) idk maybe both of them being shocked that both of them can sing hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 So, like. Hear me out. What if, with Bakugou and Dabi (separate) : MC is super innocent and cute, blushes at the slightest flirt, and “doesn’t get” dirty jokes, but as soon as they’re alone with their s/o? They are the kinkiest most vulgar bottom they’ve ever seen. Nipples pierced, collar under the turtleneck, chain strung between the piercings and the collar, all out kinda slut. The duality of man. (Gender neutral) Hello so may i request shigaraki with a s.o whos warm loving and protective and very innocent basically a s.o whos like mitsuri kanroji both personality and look wise Female pronouns,maybe they are out on a date getting ice cream and the s.o is so happy shiggy came, they hold hands and people start giving him odd looks only for her to stand up to the bullies who are saying things about shigaraki, it ends with her kissing him infront of everyone to prove a point,and when the get home she tells him she doesnt care what people think and makes love to him topping hin while telling him all the reasons she fell inlove with him,(omg im so sorrry its so long if you have tpo many requests or dont like the idea please tell me) hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 could we get a fem reader cock warming Dabi throughout the night and get morning sex >//< // ik youre a busy bee so dont feel obligated to rush or anything, take ur time plushie!♡ can we please get a shiggy x reader and the reader asks him to teach her how to game and she ends up being better than him and whatnot (inspired by that “a simple wager”) fic (if you ever decide to make a sequel to that i will ve DECEASED Can I request a sub shigaraki with a mommy kink getting pegged by the reader ( I just want to make him beg and cry honestly) reader is a female Omh give us noncon/somno w scary eraserhead plsss / aizawa and aphrodisiac smut pwease ( ；∀；) Overhaul and Chrono punishing quirkless reader for being an undercover reporter/agent but like orgasm denial... (Idk if you write this stuff but anyways do it if you want have a nice night) Can I request something like “Peaches and Cream” but with Piers instead? I know you’re busy with other requests, so don’t worry if you don’t have time for this one! I love love your writing!!! Hello beautiful can I just say how amazing ur writing is loll, can I request shigaraki having a crush on the reader and she knows about it, like one day shiggy just goes to her room when there on a mission and just steals her stuff and humps her pillows, but she has cameras in her room so she saw everything, long story short she shows him the videos and humiliates him (shiggy of course a mess and is close to crying from how embarrassing that is, lowkey turned on ) the reader takes care of him ( sorry I’m really bad at endings 🙏🏻😅) the reader pegs him until he’s a crying mess. By the way the reader is a female and shigaraki is a sub has a mommy kink and the reader is dom of that’s ok of course I love your writing!! May I ask for Diavolo x F!Reader with borderline disorder? 👉👈.. Lately it has been very difficult for me to deal with this alone and Diavolo is mine comfort character.. (NSFW Talk, If your a minor..then why are you even reading this?? Get off this 18+ page?? Anyways-). I am a huge sucker for overstimulation, biting and crying, (many of my past partners have called me a sadist-) and I just 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 the idea of Tamaki’s cute face streaming with tears and drool as Male Reader vigorously overstims the fuck out of him. And he would look so 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 with his mouth gaping open in a silent scream of overwhelming pleasure because M!Reader gave his sensitive dick a handjob while he roughly railed Tamaki’s pretty little ass. (While abusing the fuck out of his G Spot, of course). I can just imagine him squirming and begging for mercy while M!Reader lovingly wrecks his body, taking him hard & fast in multiple different positions with each one making Tamaki wail with pleasure. He’s just so adorable, I just wanna see him get 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝~ Lusty ❤︎ -Anon. Bonus Points if you could have M!Reader be super fuckin tall, muscular, strong and also be absolutely PACKING. (This man has a godly dick, and it’s honestly a surprise Tamaki can take it so well without literally breaking in half) ahhhh hewwo could you maybe write something with dbd ghostface going full apotheosis for his crush? as in,, he starts to elevate her to a status of divinity and even when she's just cowering in fear in front of him or conversely stabbing him and causing him lots of pain he just keeps viewing her as some sort of deity and  can't stop obsessing over her and wanting more from her

Again. I deeply apologize for not doing some. I wish I could, but (and this is not to guilt trip any of yall or anything, I understand that it'll sound like that it but it ain't it) sometimes the work I put into something and the feedback I get is sometimes not it. Like I'll work hard and get nothing and listen, I get it, its fanfic, there's a bit more stigma to it rather than art but yeah. Its a ramble, and basically, I don't wanna put work into something that I'll only get a few likes on. So yeah. Agains this isn't guilt tripping, I get it. I'm a consumer of it and I get the gist of it but yeah. More thoughts later, when I can properly sit and write as I am currently in a home depot 

[maldito-arbol]

It is occurring to me that the events of my life over the last 2-3 months are very much blurred together in an amalgamation of trauma and dissociation and depression and I can hardly remember me at all. Hey. Sorry. I probably need therapy.

My current update on life is: still living with a friend. It seems as though my parents are content in having abandoned me and harbor no desire to apologize nor to take me back. It’s hard to accept but by no means am I surprised, I’m simply tired. I have to rebuild my own self and my own life here, where I stand now. Rebuilding is hard, but I have to keep trying. It’s the only way I can keep myself from falling off the deep end.

In regards to work, yes I did end up quitting my job. I put in my two weeks and I served them despite them many many times tempting me to just leave and never look back—no, I stuck it out, and I earned my due pay. I thought work was hard before, but it suddenly became hell on earth once I made it known I wasn’t going to let them push me around any longer. I am still trying to understand that I deserve better, am still trying to comprehend that I CAN get better…it’s a lot. I thought if I wasn’t suffering then I wasn’t worth anything at all. And that’s just the way I was raised, the way I’ve been treated all my life from school to work to home. It took me a very long time to realize the people I was around were toxic, and when I did, I felt so sick I could almost die.

Guys, I don’t know how quite to express the way I felt and the way I feel, but I thought I should maybe give you some more insight to my life in a formal post rather than just disjointed pieces in the tags of my posts. So the long story short (though unfortunately still too long) is, I was trapped in an abusive home that eventually imploded and resulted in my eviction by my very petulant mother over a barely qualified for conversation conversation about politics. Because she couldn’t stand the fact that I didn’t want to listen to her. I’d hate to imagine how she’d react if I told her I was gay, or genderfluid of all things if she reacted this way over the fact that I lean left politically. Isn’t that incredible? After all the horrible things she’s put me through, physically, mentally, emotionally, she sees fit to kick me out because I snarled “I don’t care” when she attempted to sway me. It’s funny actually. I spent so many nights crying over something so pathetic. Maybe it’s because she’s my mother and her actions directly imply that I am a child unwanted by the one who birthed them, a child who was never truly loved or cared about in the way children dream of. That undying, uncompromising, unconditional love every human being desires. And in a perfect world it should be guaranteed by a mother, but it’s not. How cruel is it that I feel more loved by my friends’ parents than I do by my own? You know no matter what, they’ll never be my birth parents. There will always be that missing hole in my heart no matter how much I tell myself this is enough. Because I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved. And yet I crave it so much. So much that I was willing to be abused, to be put down, to be the punching bag to a miserable, uncaring woman who didn’t know the first thing about love. Even now sometimes I wonder how she’s doing without me. Does she worry? Does she feel regret? Guilt? Anything? Or does she simply go about her day thinking, “it’s no big deal, I have two more children I can ream in your stead.” As for my dad, I may hold off on getting into that whole rabbit hole, because I feel like I shouldn’t even bother giving him the time of day if he barely will even give me that. He is very very very tiring, and I fear I spent too long desiring a relationship that will simply never blossom.

I thought work was my escape. I thought that repetitive tasks would help distract me from my problems, would provide me something to live for, cause gods know I couldn’t come up with a creative reason myself. And yet, in a way, being mentally shattered once again by my mother once again taught me a little lesson about the other people in my life: if they act like my mother, they’re doing something wrong. And my boss, while different in many ways, shared a core of manipulation mastery that really should’ve bothered me from the start. And because I had been kicked out, because I’d moved in with people who genuinely cared about me, all of the sudden I saw how horribly mistreated I was at work. It was easier to write it off before, when I was treated worse at home so work felt like Heaven. But it wasn’t. It never was. How many times I fooled myself into believing it was. It’s interesting how being loved and cared about can show you just how poorly you’ve had it everywhere else. So when my sister quit because of another explosion of verbal abuse from my boss, I decided that was my final sign to throw in the towel. While she simply walked off the job, I allowed my boss to keep me for two more weeks; just to be polite, just to be professional, and I may have just shot myself in the foot in doing so. It’s quite a show manipulators will put on when they realize they’re about to lose you. When holding power and the high ground over you has been torn down, ripped away from them, you see truly the desperation, the lengths they will go to restore order and control over you. I was emotionally manipulated, gaslighted, bribed even in my final days. She had power over me almost to the bitter end, because I so nearly gave up and gave in so many times. I was emotionally broken, and I still am, but what frightened me so then was that she knew my weaknesses and she knew how to exploit them. She understood I was alone and scared and still picking up the pieces in my own life, and with that understanding came not compassion but the determination to squash me underneath her thumb. I needed a whole army of healthy people in my life to beg me not to rescind my decision, to prod and poke at me to follow through with my exit in order to ensure I made it out safely, though clearly not unscathed.

Of course I’m going to continue carrying the trauma from this, but I won’t allow it to be special. I’m going to dump it carelessly into a duffel bag stuffed with every unkind word and every bruise and hit from my mother, with every humiliation and heartbreak dealt by my teachers, with every fucking dumbshit rumor and practiced bullying technique from my peers at a whole variety of different schools and clubs and camps, with every user and moocher from friend groups past, and anything and everything that has left its lovely scar be it on my skin or in my mind. You struck me hard enough to remain for the lifelong flight? Cool. You’ll find your seat in the back with all the snot-nosed children and disappointed mothers and not a good enough view to provide entertainment for the whole trip. Eat some far too salty crackers and wonder what your life has come to. I hope you enjoy.

[engagemachine]

I have nowhere else to put this. I need to say this. 

These past two weekends at work have been utterly beyond my comprehension and have nearly pushed me to my limit. I’ve had patients in restraints for the past two weekends in a row now, and the mixture of verbal/physical abuse from these patients and others has been so emotionally taxing, I just don’t even know where I can lay down this exhaustion and this frustration and this hurt. 

Our chronic understaffing issue has started to reach a boiling point. Last Saturday I had seven patients, which in some states is illegal (for reference, 5 patients on the kind of unit that I work on is considered normal, and 6 is the max that one nurse can have). Additionally, this past Friday, we went without a charge nurse and we didn’t have a tech (normally we have three to four techs because I work on a 40-bed unit, so each tech has ten patients each). My back has never been as sore as it is now from having to do so much heavy lifting this weekend without any help. Imagine changing multiple patients over 200 lbs all by yourself, multiple times, within a twelve hour shift. 

Last night in particular was so stressful that I found myself snapping at my coworkers -- which is so unlike me and something that I never do -- and even worse, I snapped at and was short with a patient who had been very irritating and especially demanding. This is not the kind of person that I am. I am not a person who snaps at their coworkers and their patients when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m not unflappable but any means, but I make a point of leaving my stress outside the door every time I walk into a patient’s room. I know that my stress is not their burden to bear. These patients are already sick/suffering, the last thing I want to do is add to their stress by coming into their private space with my own personal storm cloud hanging over my head. They have enough to worry about and their primary focus should be on healing. I never want to carry negative energy like that into a space where I am actively trying to take care of/love/heal/protect/educate/support/comfort the people I am taking care of. 

I can’t help feeling so angry at myself for my behavior and for allowing myself to slip so openly. I know I reacted this way because I was stressed and angry, but that is no excuse. And I also can’t help but feel bitter over the fact that the reason I’m so stressed is because we are lacking the resources/supplies/staff that are necessary in order for me to effectively do my job. 

I’m also so sick and tired of all the hospital politics and the beaurocracy of working for a big corporation... a corporation that does not care about its employees and whose primary focus is money. I know the nurse shortage we’re going through at our hospital is an ongoing issue that is being faced nationwide, but something absolutely has to be done in order to get staffing to where it needs to be, otherwise nurses will be leaving hospitals in droves, or will simply exit the profession all together from burn-out.

And it’s just... all this little stuff, too, all these things that occur that keep piling up that no one ever does anything about and no disciplinary action is taken because we’re so desperate for nurses and can’t afford to fire anybody. Some of the nurses I work with have adopted an attitude where they they feel like they can do anything they want without repercussion, because they know they won’t get fired because we’re so understaffed. We had a nurse walk out one night after receiving report which should result in having your nursing license revoked or, at the very least, result in some form of licensure suspension. Leaving during your shift -- even if at the beginning of a shift -- is considered abandonment/neglect of your patients. That nurse should have been fired after that, and she wasn’t. 

It is downright unconscionable that we should have to be responsible for seven patients. You cannot take good, quality care of that many patients at one time. It’s just impossible -- and it’s so unsafe. Imagine having a patient with sepsis whose blood pressure is tanking and who has spiked a fever/is quickly becoming unresponsive, another patient with schizophrenia who is hallucinating and being violent, another patient who has dementia and is confused, who has a feeding tube, a tracheostomy that requires frequent suctioning (this is a sterile procedure), a colostomy, a Foley catheter, and is in two-point restraints, which requires documentation three times every hour. And then imagine another patient who is going through Benzo withdrawals and needing around-the-clock medication and is also on seizure precautions, and another patient who is confused and is a fall risk and keeps trying to crawl out of the bed, and another patient who is vomiting and needs an antiemetic and possibly an NG tube, and another patient who is post-op and requiring pain medication for 7 out of 10 pain -- and imagine trying to take care of all of these things at the same time. Imagine going thirteen hours without peeing, eating, or drinking, simply because there is no time. That was me last weekend. It’s crazy to imagine the stress of having that many human lives in your hands, to be so busy and so stressed out that you literally do not even have five minutes to go to the bathroom because there is so much to do and you cannot afford to sit down. 

Or the fact that there’s a nurse on day shift who has nearly killed two separate patients on two different occasions, a nurse who refuses to do the basic necessities/tasks required by her job, has the nastiest attitude imaginable, and has been written up so many times by staff and patients that her personal folder is roughly as thick as the Oxford dictionary... and they still won’t fire her. 

And the way I keep catching nurses in blatant lies, nurses who have documented that they’ve done something when they haven’t. Just last night I saw a nurse had documented that she had administered a medication when I know she hadn’t because the medication was still sealed in its original box and I was the first one to open it. She did this for two days. Like... how can you even live with yourself, telling a lie like that? 

When I managed to take my lunch break this morning around 4am, I was near tears in the breakroom talking to my coworker because I just felt so overwhelmed and at my whit’s end. I’d gotten into a spat with my supervisor just a few minutes prior over something that she said had not been documented correctly (even though a different supervisor last week said that it had to be done the opposite way, and at that time, I’d had to stay late to correct this “mistake”) and now my supervisor this morning was telling me it had to be done the opposite way from what I’d been told, and there’s no clear hospital policy on how the documentation should be done... it’s so irritating. 

There is honestly so much more. I could write an entire novel about the stress of my job -- but I hope I don’t sound ungrateful, because I do love my job, I really do. I love caring for people more than anything, and if there’s one positive takeaway from all of this, it’s that, despite our lack of staff, some of my patients have been so gracious and understanding, and so many of my patients have been very expressive of how grateful they’ve been for my care, telling me I’m an angel/the best nurse they’ve had/telling me they wish that I didn’t have to leave. That’s very sweet. 

Emotionally, though, I just feel so spent. Like I’ve given everything I can and I have nothing more left because it’s been siphoned out of me. And there are weird things going on in my life with some of my personal relationships that have caused me an unnecessary amount of stress/insecurity and it’s frustrating that I feel like I can’t talk to the other person(s) about it because I am afraid of sounding needy/jealous/ungrateful. I pride myself on communicating the things that I want/need, but sometimes it just seems like it’s easier to let it go. I almost convince myself that they could never give me what I need even if I were to ask for it, but it’s also too painful to ask for something and then not get it.

I’m just so tired. I want to be positive and uplifting, but I don’t know where this road is supposed to take me. I don’t know if maybe I am being called to find work elsewhere or if this is an experience I am supposed to grow from and that is meant to make me stronger. I just really don’t know. 

[moku-youbi]

So this is a post I’ve been contemplating for a while, but a lot of things recently are pushing me to try to figure out a solution. It’s the sort of situation where I feel a bit helpless to know where even to start, and my wife and I discuss it and draw blanks every time.

The tl;dr is that I’m almost positive a child in my life is a psychopath. I’m not exaggerating, one of my majors in college was criminal sociology and my wife’s was psychology. I know this doesn’t make us capable to diagnosing, but I’ll give further details below the cut. Basically, we see ever escalating behavioural problems and at this point will never allow the child to be alone around ours, or unobserved in our home. We’ve tried to nudge and hint the parent for years without outright saying what we think the problem is, but so far there’s been no real addressing of the issue. We need advice on how to talk to her, or who we should talk to about this as she is getting older and without treatment, the behaviour is alarming.

I’m placing a cut for mention of child molestation, pedophilia, and animal death.

The parent in question (we’ll call her BFF) has been my dear friend for almost 2 decades. I was named god-parent in the COE to the child in question (we’ll call her GD). When she was still a toddler, BFF’s husband/GD’s father (a teacher) was discovered with child pornography on his computer and arrested, they divorced, BFF brought GD back to America and basically there has been little contact with him since. I’ve been asked many times if I think he molested GD, and I honestly don’t think so? He was an awful human being and I hated him even before this was all discovered because he was a narcissist and verbally and mentally abusive of BFF. But frankly he was never around much, expected BFF to do everything pertaining to GD, so he wasn’t around her without BFF present and just didn’t have a lot of opportunity.

I love my BFF, but she did check out after arriving back in the US. She’d come stay with us for days at a time, and my wife and I basically parented GD while BFF played on her tablet. GD already showed a disrespect for others belongings and destroyed many things of ours with no repercussions from BFF. GD was around 4 at this time (sorry, my idea of time and ages is not great, but she is about 4 years older than our son, who was still an infant at the time). Still, it didn’t seem anything *unusual* for a child her age, especially one who’d been through a traumatic upheaval of a father she loved, with a mother who was emotionally distant.

I can’t say exactly when I began to draw away from GD, but I’ve always adored children, and wanted one of my own, being the doting aunt to the kids of my family and friends b/c my wife and I didn’t think we’d be able to have one for a long while. So it was unusual not to feel affection or a bond to GD. I can’t explain why because again, at that time, there was no one thing to point at.

By age 6, she showed a pattern of very problematic behaviour. She lied constantly about everything, including things of little to no consequence just because she wanted to. She was thoughtlessly and impulsively destructive, but she also showed an ability to charm the pants off anyone who didn’t know her. BFF would regularly tell stories of all the free things just given to GD when she expressed a desire for them, and how strangers would fawn over GD. GD was also still wetting the bed at night and still sucking her thumb, and this was the first time we started suggesting therapy.

I’d also say it was between 6-8 when BFF’s mother’s cat disappeared. GD’s grandparents watched her, and she’d in fact driven BFF’s father to the hospital from chest pains over her behaviour at one point. I don’t know why, but when I heard about the cat I told my wife with great conviction, “GD killed that cat.”  A second cat also disappeared within a few months of that. At the time, my wife and my sister were highly dubious and said I was overreacting.

GD is now 12. She regularly “finds” sick and dying animals and brings them to her house to “nurse” and comfort them until they die. So many I’ve lost count. She also uses their bones to make jewellery--like, a cat’s jawbone made into a necklace. She still sucks her thumb constantly, like if she’s not speaking, her thumb is in her mouth. BFF cannot control her. GD will sneak any food in the house, and if BFF doesn’t buy sweets or things GD wants, she’ll just eat raw oats or flour by the handful or make giant messes in the kitchen in retaliation. She often says she does these things because she knows it will upset her mother, or she says she doesn’t know why she does them. She recently stabbed the couch because she wanted to, cut the internet cable because she knew it would mean her mother would have to take her to her grandparents’ to do her schoolwork, etc. No punishment matters. She does not care no matter what the punishment, no matter what she loses, no matter how upset or hurt her mother is.

It was around this time last year my sister was listening to BFF talk and nudged me and showed she’d looked up a list of traits of psychopaths on her phone, which coming from my sister is really saying something. We’ve tried desperately to get BFF to get her help. She was seeing a counselor at school, but then covid happened. After the cable cutting last week, she’s talking about getting GD assessed, which is something.

But wife and I are seriously concerned about having her around, especially as she gets older. We don’t want her around my son and nephew who are 3 and 4 years younger. We don’t trust her in our home, and we’re worried once covid is over and BFF starts coming around again, how she will react to us saying GD either has to sit in the same room as us the entire time, or isn’t allowed to come. But I also don’t want to be the one saying “I knew this was going to happen” when a tragedy occurs...

So who do we talk to? How do we convince BFF this is serious without seeming like we’re attacking her/GD? Any advice would be so welcome.

[harold2sco]

Pre-Birth Wounds

Let’s discuss the concept of “Pre-Birth Wounds.” This is a subject that many people never take into account, yet it greatly affects the quality of your existence on Earth.

Most people have been taught to believe that the path of an individual’s life unfolds after birth. Yet, I'm going to assert that this is not the case; that the factors shaping and molding you appear much earlier.

One thing that we've failed to do in many societies is care for mothers during their time of pregnancy. And, by caring, I mean nurturing them, empowering them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

See, the females of our species literally take it upon themselves to onboard new Souls into the planet. They become vessels of pure cosmic energy and divine creation.

Women essentially bring forth and perpetuate humanity. Therefore, it's important that each mother is surrounded by energies that fulfill her, that remind her of this divine essence.

Because everything that goes into her goes into the baby and, consequently, goes into our human species. So we are creating the template for who and what we are through her.

This is the time period for a woman, during her pregnancy, when we need to fill her with Love, good energy, everything we want to reproduce and experience more of in our world.

But that doesn't happen very often. In fact, many women during this time period are treated harshly. An expecting mother may be pushed by the social system to work non stop like a machine; to surround herself with harmful chemicals in the environment.

Many of our money-driven societies are set up to be this kind of dog eat dog world. Everyone is scratching and clawing to get “Theirs,” and a pregnant woman must often do the same.

Therefore, subconsciously, she will be worried about survival and safety. This woman may also be related to toxic people or have a partner who hasn't done his own self healing.

Both people in that relationship then, who are psychologically battered, will push each other's buttons nonstop. They may have arguments, experience ongoing feelings of despair and disappointment. In extreme cases, physical violence might become a factor.

Just imagine what all this could be doing to an unborn child. In the womb, we are vessels of pure potential that are being impressed upon constantly by what the mother is experiencing.

And, at the core level, we're all energetic beings surrounded by others who carry their own electromagnetic and etheric fields. We constantly mix and commingle with people and are exposed to their emotional baggage.

Through that process, our own energetic sovereignty is often breached. These disruptive frequencies can then throw our lives completely out of balance. And a baby, being exposed to this, may begin to feel unsafe, under attack, unwelcomed in this world.

Studies have been done to follow the children of parents who, early in life, went through a prolonged period of starvation, torment, terror, or suffering. The children of these people often grow up, well into adulthood, feeling that they are never safe, or will somehow be attacked.

They may even develop to be much smaller and less physically capable than the offspring of people who didn't go through such an enormous hardship. Some of these adult children will hoard things. They may feel inappropriately attached to physical objects.

Others will eat to the point of becoming obese. Because, buried inside of their neural circuitry, is a fear that there will never be enough; that what they have will run out, or that they are in danger of losing bare essentials.

The people themselves are usually not able to identify these underlying fears without help or long periods of introspection. That’s because, in the womb, we don't have language yet.

We don't understand words, reason, or verbal cues. But we do have an emotional, energetic experience which, in itself, speaks volumes. The nervous system memory morphs into a belief structure that makes sense out of fears implanted before birth.

You see, thoughts, experiences, life events, emotions, are not words. Words are simply tools we use to transmit our own internal experience into the minds and bodies of other people.

They are secondary symbols, not the experience itself, which is fundamental. In fact, think of it this way. Every emotion is simply a sensory-based representation of some “Thought or information level Frequency.”

The emotion is, therefore, a thought, in the body. The mother will have certain thoughts in response to her environment. These ideas will be translated into a language that the very cells of her unborn child can understand.

Many of these destructive ideas are not hers. Because thoughts aren’t only generated inside of our heads. We transmit them out into the surrounding world.

Therefore, people around the pregnant mother will give their energy to her. If they are petty, “Small-Minded,” or suffer from self-hate, she gets that as well.

This becomes a dangerous cocktail that is mixed together and absorbed by the baby, a being that is pure potential, at its most vulnerable and impressionable state in life.

I’ll give you another example of how this plays out. Studies have also been done to follow the lives of children who were adopted through foster care. Many have gone into the system because their parents were drug addicts or lived a very destructive lifestyle.

Regardless, during those first few weeks of life, there is an incredible bonding process taking place between child and mother. Musch of our development is reliant upon going through this connective process.

Any newborn who is torn away from his or her mother during that time, endures a tremendously traumatic experience. The mother is probably in extreme distress, which her child can feel.

The baby also experiences a sensation of being “Torn Away” from its safety net. Emotionally, that bond is being ripped apart. This leaves an enormous wound and void within the child.

The infant may be placed in a foster home within weeks. Sometimes he or she will be passed right into the arms of a waiting family.

The new “mother” and “father” will very often go on to adopt the baby as their own. Therefore, the child would only really know and remember his or her adopted family.

Yet, following the same children throughout life, it is very very common for them to have attachment issues, fears of abandonment, oppositional and defiant behavior.

Young boys and girls like this may constantly feel the need to make others react, just to prove that they exist. These children will create, through their behavior, situations that cause peers, classmates, and even other adults to push them away.

All of this, and more, can be caused by an emotional/psychological/ Spiritual injury inflicted on the child either before birth or shortly after. The baby, teenager, adult, will go through life wanting to connect; wanting to feel complete and to bond with other people.

The problem is that he or she simply won't know how to accomplish this. Because the traumatic event wouldn’t be stored in regular memory. It would not exist in words or rational thought, but in the energy system of that being.

Even those of us who were raised by “birth parents” may pick up similar wounds in the womb, shortly after birth, and all throughout life. Just imagine what you might be carrying around, stuck in your system, right now.

It could show up as pain, injury, body dysfunction, weight gain, destroyed or abusive relationships, an inability to succeed and thrive, perpetual poverty, you name it.

There are nearly infinite manifestations that can come from experiences and harmful energies trapped in the human system.

You may be able to talk these things through with a traditional therapist and, over time, work them out. However, there is another way to do the same thing that most people never consider.

That is to cancel out the frequency of abandonment, fear, or whatever else is stuck inside of the body. Once that’s removed, the human being is designed to operate perfectly.

You can accomplish this by applying, to the “wound,” a higher, cleaner, restorative vibration.

Here’s a metaphor to help explain how it would work. Imagine that there is a clog in the drain of your bathroom sink. It has built up over a long period of time. The blockage may contain hair, grime, sludge, hard mineral deposits, all backed up in your piping.

You could go underneath the sink and disassemble everything. You can pull it apart, pipe by pipe, to pinpoint where the exact location of each sticking point is. That might work, at least to some degree, but only after you’ve put in a great deal of effort.

However, what if you instead found some natural solvent; what you might call a “High Frequency” You could run that through the pipes, dissolving the sludge, grime, and build up.

This describes the work that I do with people, connecting them with powerful Divine, healing energies that transform every aspect of their lives. IT’s a way of working with the very intelligence of Nature, the intelligence that created your entire body and everything in existence.

By bringing that level of information in, no kind of dysfunction or disruption can stay put. That’s one of the quickest ways to clear problems out, by working at the energetic level.

The REAL power is in your inborn ability to dissolve toxic experiences, not reminisce about them. This is how we, as humans, Truly Evolve to transcend the difficulties that attach to us throughout life.