#and she picks up all the slang

[sakamoto-gays]

Can't stop thinking about Toramaru using gen Z internet slang. I just know she's cronically online and the way she talks makes Mafuyu go crazy.

[sanctamater]

i need to start unironically incorporating modern slang into amelia's speech bc of interdimensional time travel just because i think it would be hilarious for her to use "the vibes are immaculate" and "this dress? ate" unironically.

[cloyingcadaver]

x

[eggjaculations]

me and my friends have gotten so into outlander that we have started saying some of the stuff they be saying on there (like “dinnae fash” and “wee bairn” and little colloquialisms like that) and people around us have started using them that don’t watch that??? also we live on separate coasts so it’s happening in TWO completely diff locations. gonna learn gaelic and bring it back so the scots don’t lose important parts of their culture purely out of the love of the game lmfaoooooo

[torpublishinggroup]

"Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You!" by TJ Klune

(Legally, I’m required to tell you that when smart phones first became popular, I bought one and then asked for the address of the app store because I thought it was a physical location I had to go to in order to download apps and not something already on your phone. Also, I was recently told I speak like an old person so as a warning, there will not be any slang you youths typically hear, especially on Tumblr. Any slang I’ve learned in the last five years has been against my will. I still don’t know what FOMO means, and I don’t care.)

1. Oh no! You and your family are trying to enjoy a movie night, but Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) wants a sacrifice at the altar of their god, BeeZos. Should this happen, do not attempt to give Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) a cantaloupe with googly-eyes on it and say that it is your baby. Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) knows the difference between fruit and children. Instead, ask the machine to order dog food, and it will forget about eating humans for a little while.

2. If you own a very fancy vehicle that can drive itself, always make sure to carry a brick. That way, when the car locks you inside and attempts to drive you off a cliff into a gas station, you can break the window using the brick. You will then have to jump out, but make sure you do so in time so you can watch the wicked-ass explosion when the car hits the gas station, and you can revel in your victory over your car.

3. This one will hurt. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Chances are, you’re reading this on your phone right this second. To be safe, after you’ve finished reading this post and have clicked on the affiliated links to purchase my books, you should throw your phone into a volcano and then move to South Dakota where there are no machines, only wind and cows. That way, when everyone else gets the 5GZombieVirus that people on Twitter (I’m not calling it the other thing, shut up) seem to think is real, you’ll be safe with your cows on a windy day.

4. Get rid of your air fryer. Don’t ask me why, just do it. Red flags all around. Danger, danger.

5. Do you know of the Clapper? That thing first launched in the late 20th century (I wrote it that way to make me feel old) where the commercials showed cranky old people unable to reach their light switches, so they got a thing called a Clapper that turns your lights on and off when you clap? Guess what? Those will be the first things to try and kill you. If you love your gram-gram, save her from the Clapper. When she asks why you are destroying it with an ax, tell gram-gram it’s because you love her.

6. Do you live in a smart home? The kind where everything is connected to the internet, including your refrigerator? The refrigerator that holds your perishable foods? And oh, would you look at that: how many ice cubes have you kicked under it rather than picking them up when they fall to the floor? A dozen? A million? The refrigerator remembers. And it will spoil your food in seconds. What then? What are you going to eat? Canned food? Not if the refrigerator falls on top of you!

Unfortunately for you, this is where it must end. I hope this has given you enough information to help you survive the inevitable. If you do not heed my warnings, well. Who cares. I’m not in charge of you. Do whatever you want. Just don’t come complaining to me when gram-gram gets the clap.

[starlvcied]

THINGS THEY DO THAT YOU FIND CUTE (CLASS 1-A) - [PT. 1]

characters ; izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugou, shoto todoroki, eijiro kirishima, denki kaminari, tenya iida, hanta sero, mina ashido, tsuyu asui, ochaco uraraka, kyoka jirou, momo yaoyorozu

g/n reader, no warnings.

✮⋆˙ - izuku midoriya : izuku physically cannot stand still. he has to be moving somehow, but he isn't really aware of this. he tends to have a habit of playing with his hair, whether it's running his fingers through it or twirling his finger around a few strands, you find it being the cutest thing ever. you never point it out though, because you know he would burst into a flustered mess and stop whenever he catches himself doing it. you find it cute, but he would find it so embarassing.

✮⋆˙ - katsuki bakugou : we all know this man is great in the kitchen. so, whenever you catch him cooking a meal for you, (or himself, mostly himself...) all you could do is smile. on one occasion, you were out running errands. you had come across an apron with the lettering "kiss the cook" on it. you picked it up with a smirk, imagined how he'd look in it, but you had figured he would just scold you for it. so, you put it back.

✮⋆˙ - shoto todoroki : he's so chronically offline. whenever you ask to do something trendy with him, he tilts his head at the idea and raises a brow at you. whenever you use any form of slang, he's just as confused. you try to explain, he still doesn't get it. urban dictionary is his best friend. the reason you don't explain this kind of stuff to him is because of that silly, clueless face he makes when he has no idea what you're talking about. it's a foreign language to him, but he tries his hardest to understand you.

✮⋆˙ - eijiro kirishima : kiri loves to manhandle you. tossing you over his shoulder, tackling you, throwing you onto the couch, anything like that leaves you a giggling mess. he knows you love it, too. he enjoys it just as much as you do.

✮⋆˙ - denki kaminari : he is always smiling. that has to be one of your favorite things about him. he has the teethiest smile after he does literally anything, especially when he does things to impress you. he has the most contagious smile you've ever seen. you love to see him smile, and you would do anything to make sure he's always cheesing.

✮⋆˙ - tenya iida : he is so damn respectful. i know we all are aware of this fact already but i want to put emphasis on it. walking down the street, he'd always help an elderly person. walking in/out of a store, of course he'd hold the door for the person behind you. he never forgets his manners. this is your favorite part about him, all you can do is admire.

✮⋆˙ - hanta sero : sero is not afraid to make things for you. you having a bad day? oh, he actually made you guys matching bracelets. he has a bead and string collection because he knows you love jewelry. he's also great at origami, he's always available to give you something. he can definitely crochet. you still sleep with the fat elephant he made you. you think its adorable, and you keep everything he gives you.

✮⋆˙ mina ashido : you love it when she asks to dance with you. she holds her hand out to you with a grin before pulling you into a tight embrace. it doesn't matter what the fuck kind of music is playing, megan thee stallion or lana del rey, you two will be dancing. she asks you so unexpectedly, but you don't complain. there will never be a boring moment with mina.

✮⋆˙ : tsuyu asui : tsu isn't much of a talker, but that definitely changes once she's with you. you guys have occasional yap sessions, some of them pertaining to nothing specific at all, you two just talk just to talk. you wanna gossip? she's all ears. you have something on your mind you think is stupid? she needs to hear it. she always listens to you, even if what you say makes no sense. she's so interested in what you have to say, you never feel like you're talking to a brick wall when you're with her.

✮⋆˙ - ochaco uraraka : karaoke. car karaoke is your guy's personal favorite. only one of your hands on the wheel, all four windows down, music to the max. usually, you would find this embarrassing. but ochaco always seems so happy singing with you. katy perry, wave to earth, laufey, taylor swift, red velvet, any artist of your choice. she loves listening to music with you, often sharing earbuds. but she definitely prefers borderline screaming in the car with you. you secretly admire each other, taking short, (maybe not so short) glances at one another. the way she's enjoying herself makes your heart melt knowing how comfortable she is with you.

✮⋆˙ kyoka jirou : she obviously plays her instruments to you. you love when she shows you snippets on some things she's been working on. the way she's so passionate and absolutely amazing at the thing she enjoys leaves you in a trance. her voice is music to your ears, and a soft smile grazes her lips when she notices how hard you're staring at her. if she could play you songs forever, she definitely would.

✮⋆˙ momo yaoyorozu : like sero, her love language is gift giving. since she's rich, she used to often travel before attending U.A. she has countless souvenirs from a variety of other countries, some you didn't even know existed. she also loves taking you on shopping sprees, she doesn't mind at all. momo does so much for you, and all you can do to return the favor is show her an endless amount of affection. you feel guilty she does all this stuff for you, but she assures you that it's okay and she loves doing this for you and seeing you happy. your heart drops to your knees. (in a good way, of course. <3)

[electric-demons-in-love]

Random Vox, Valentino and Velvette Headcanons:

-Velvette loves painting Valentino’s nails. Due to his multiple arms she has plenty of blank canvases to experiment with colours and fancy designs. Val will use this time to rant to Velvette about everything irritating him that week.

-Every month or so the three have a treat day where they go to the mall together.

-Satan help any poor retail workers who have to deal with them.

-Vox doesn’t tend to buy much so he’s the designated bag carrier.

-They totally have a line of fashion dolls based on them (like Barbie or Monster High). They’re very hot collectors items.

-Velvette designed outfits for one of Verosika’s tours.

-Vox has totally caused blackouts during his and Val’s bang sessions. Velvette is not impressed.

-“Fucking hell you twats I was in the middle of a movie!”

-The day afterward Vox always has to go on air and publicly apologise. He makes up some bullshit excuse as to why it happens but his flustered expression gives it away. No one is brave enough to call him out.

-Velvette teaches the boys British slang and insults while Val teaches them Spanish curse words.

-Vox occasionally DJs at some of Valentino’s clubs.

-When he’s feeling down or nostalgic Val will sit in his room and listen to 70s music.

-None of them eat well. Vox consumes nothing but takeout and coffee, Velvette lives off sweet treats and Val’s diet mainly consists of cigarettes and alcohol.

-Val loves to leave lipstick marks all over Vox’s screen right before the tv demon goes on air.

-Vox has the worst fashion sense out of the trio. Velvette and Val constantly have to pick out his clothes because they wouldn’t be caught dead with him in the outfits he chooses.

-Going off the fact that Val is canonically a good artist, sometimes he sketches out ideas for Velvette’s fashion collections.

-They have drunk karaoke nights at the studio and it is absolute chaos.

Part 2 Part 3

[mudskip-muses]

'I don't know much about human customs,' Rynn admitted. 'Save for ones they shove into your face, like Christmas and Easter, so you'll have to excuse me if you were expecting something more than my wishing you a happy birthday.' There was, though, a little more, if only in the form of a hug to Sonia's person. 'If you want anything, no matter how big or small, please let me know; it is your day after all, yes?'

How could Sonia be anything but elated by the simple gesture of affection, the princess not hesitating in the slightest to return the rare hug from the elf. "Oh! This is more than enough, Rynn. I extend my thanks from the very bottom of my heart!" She was genuine in her thanks, willing to accept the hug and nothing more, but then came the offer of anything she wanted...

"If you are keen on insisting, perhaps you may join me for a mortal film? I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of those in the horror genre that are of the optimum quality for the visually impaired!" From sound design to the effectiveness of screen readers, Sonia indeed complied a...rather long list of movies that Rynn may be able to enjoy along with her. "You will join me, yes?" She wouldn't push it if he didn't want to, but it was her day after all....

Can anyone really say no to one so unabashedly pure?

[teacupwrites]

Vees with a Android Reader

Valentino

Valentino had plenty of servants around, such as Kitty

So he didn’t really need another little assistant

But what he did need was a maid

And Valentino isn’t the biggest fan of actual demons that can make mistakes, so he just went out and bought a cleaning android

You were pretty small, about 4’11 and came with a little maid dress and a feather duster

When Valentino first powered you on, he expected a cute little robot who’d follow his orders and not say a word

But you weren’t normal- far from it actually

The Moth Overlord was greeted with a bubbly little maid who would follow him around like a lost puppy whenever you weren’t deep cleaning the place like a maniac

You were eccentric, though obedient and that was what he mostly cared about

Vox nearly had a heart attack when he first met you as you immediately jumped up onto him to clean some dust upon his flat face

Whenever Vox was gone, and Valentino didn’t have anyone to rant to, he would always make a mess of his quarters whilst screaming his frustrations out to you as you quickly cleaned up his trash

Slowly but surely, Valentino grew fond of you, and even would gift you in new clothes or cleaning supplies whenever he was feeling charitable

He treats you better than his other employees, but he also thinks less of you, like you are an Imp or something like that, but he still likes you

“Darling I’m pretty sure that it’s clean,” he protested, looking down at your skittering figure as you darted from place to place in an attempt to keep everything tidy. 

He was elegantly perched on his couch, holding up a drink Kitty had brought over earlier, watching in amusement as you dashed around in a panic. There was a party happening, and you were eager to make sure everything looked nice

“No it isn’t!” you called back, snatching an empty glass and quickly stuffing it into the dishwasher. “Everything’s so dirty!” You crawled around with such speeds that Valentino might have mistaken you for a little bug, which was actually one of his many nicknames for you

“Whatever you say, ladybug,” 

Velvette

Long story short, Velvette was running out of patience 

She needed models to advertise, and all of them kept dying or were just outright ugly in the outfits she provided

After complaining to Vox for forever, he suggested that she buy a model bot

With some convincing, she actually listened, and went out and purchased one, which happened to be you

Though you were bland, so before powering you on she was quick to pazazz and doll you up

And when you did wake up, and did as your manual said, she was pleased

For once, Velvette was nice to someone, and it was a little robot who was constantly pasted onto billboards, commercials, and magazines all dressed in her products

She was chill with you, and you weren’t complaining about free makeup, perfume and clothing

The only thing was that she was very controlling, and liked to have you as her arm candy basically wherever she went

But it was nice to almost never be on the receiving end of her Cockney accent and British slang

 Not many people knew your name outside of the V tower, so people online nicknamed you Dolly, 

You didn’t really have a name actually, but Velvette enjoyed calling you things like: ‘Sweetheart’ “Dollface’ and ‘Sugar’

And very…very rarely, she will sometimes listen to your opinions, things you picked up on when working with her

“Ugh! All of this is trash!” Velvette snapped, stomping with a deep glare at the line up of demons who had crafted the clothing you were dressed up in. 

They all winced underneath her sharp and furious gaze, recoiling away from her quippy and sassy comments as she scolded the people. Meanwhile, you glanced over at something on the pile of clothing.

“Velvette?” you called, making her whip over to glare at you, to which you shyly pointed over to a black and hot pink crop top that sat atop the pile. “What if I matched that with the skirt?”

She seemed skeptical, but with a snap of your fingers, your sleeveless turtleneck was replaced by the crop top, which magically seemed to match the boots and the fitted skirt you wore

Never before had you seen Velvette so surprised before.

“Sweetheart you’re a genius!” she chirped, her frown switching to a bright smile in a second. Velvette then darted over to you, grabbing you by the side and pulling you into a side hug. “Alright- we’re gonna go get you some upgrades today just because of how smart you are.”

Vox

Vox is a lot different from the others simply because he had built you

Originally, you were going to be an assistant type of bot he was going to sell worldwide, with secret cameras in your optics so he could spy on more of Hell

But mistakes were made, and you, the first prototype, ended up adopting a personality he grew quick to enjoy

Though he did end up selling more advanced models like yourself, he kept you, the first

Instead, you were the main hostess of the News he kept up, as Vox was usually pretty busy

The people adored you, and Vox couldn’t just rid of you

Not that he’d want to- so he kept you

He was very attached to your original model, so you were usually denied when asking for upgrades to your system

Though sometimes, he would give you little things here and there

Switchable hands, Better cameras, cleaner plates, or better wiring

But Vox always refused when you asked for a different model

You would always stay in the same body, and he wasn’t backing out of that

He has a lot of nicknames up his sleeve, and enjoys your reactions when he brings in new ones

“Dearheart, Darling, Sugar, etc”

Overall, he’s probably the best to be owned by

[robintherobiner]

What would the Wayne Family and the Bat Family post tiktok

Bruce: videos of him buying new outfits with the material girl sound over it because, according to one post, 'his kids said it was funny and he liked seeing them smile'. on his official account though (the wayne enterprises one) his 'social media manager' posts clips from interviews and soundbites.

Batman: does not have a tiktok.

Dick: posts videos of him either doing gymnastics or of him hanging out with his siblings. Most of the time he is throwing up a peace sign and then Tim and Damian are wrestling in the background and he captions it something along the lines of 'brothers drawing blood in Blud!'

Nightwing: posts videos of short self defense tips/poses, regularly collabs with Red Hood. (not that Jason knows this, Dick just sets up a camera and then goes and bothers his brother until he tries to punch him so he can teach people to block)

Barbara: Posts videos talking about accessibility (both whats available and what should be put in place). if one of the wayne's annoy her, she also will post a compilation of them doing something silly like tripping over thin air or being caught using a hairbrush as a microphone)

Oracle: posts clips of people doing non violent crimes (faces blurred out ofc) with the caption "the eye in the sky sees you, dumbass." because why would you try ack a car on a street with three non-hidden cameras

Jason: doesn't post. anymore. does have an account from when he was a teenager where it's just him doing sped up acting videos to sounds. he has tried to log in to take it down but Bruce changed the password. Brucie regularly comments on different videos like "my baby was such a star... rip sweetie 🕊️🕊️🕊️" and its Jason lip-syncing to fucking Justin Bieber or something

Red Hood: posts videos shitting on Batman. the comments were full of people saying "daddy issues" or "i wanna be a dealer just so you can shoot me babygirl" so he turned them off. sometimes someone (tim) turns them back on and Jason gets bombarded with "BRO IS SERVING CUNT"

Cassandra: posts videos of her doing ballet, or of her showing off her strength. Not on purpose though, she thinks its fun to post videos of her teasing her brothers and the comments are like "WHY DID SHE JUST PICK UP DICK GRAYSON WITHOUT EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT WHAT"

Orphan: has a shared account with Batgirl, but she doesn't post on it, just sort of stands in the background as Steph makes funny videos.

Stephanie: enjoys posting videos pretending to be dating both Tim and Cass because she thinks its funny when the internet call her a gold digger and cheater. Bernard (after going public with Tim) occasionally fuels the fire by commenting "lmao get ur bag girl" under a video of her dragging Tim to a resturant

Batgirl: posts videos of her making fun of rogues, and on her shared account with Cass, just joins in on trends but obviously mixing it to fit her (aka: "when Batman lectures you for breaking a criminals leg but your literally just a teenage girl")

Timothy: like Bruce, he has two accounts. One is professional, with him promoting Wayne Enterprises products or whatever. Second one is full of him doing wild shit like skateboarding down the manor stairs or him trying to confuse Bruce with cringey slang. his most popular video though, is of him using the Nepo Baby sound by Fox SZN

Red Robin: posts slideshows of pictures of Gotham. All very aesthetic ones, of good architecture and people laughing together and shit. His bio is "showing you guy why I do what I do." His account is very artsy fartsy but he also was the first batfamily member to get verified

Duke: doesn't post, just likes videos.

Signal: posts videos of him trying to scare the other vigilantes, cuz, yknow, he can go invisible. tell me you wouldn't do that either if you could be invisible. exactly, you can't. He also makes videos about how hard it is to be a teen vigilante.

Damian: videos of his pets doing tricks. also regularly stitches Tim's videos and just deadass insults him. Tim always comments on his stitches with just a singular emoji because he found out it pisses Damian off more when he doesn't have a big reaction

Robin: posts about resources for gothamites. also has a shared account with Superboy (Jon) where they try and sneak up on both Superman and Batman. They have yet to succeed on either one.

[nmakii]

‘Can I ask you to do something about Alastor×reader? About y/n being a modern girl (2023-2024), and she often has strange gestures or words towards Alastor. One time she talked to him in modern language, making him confused and very curious. (You can expand the situation as you like, sorry my English is not very good)’

NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER!

— alastor x modern!reader (platonic or romantic!)

— alastor calls reader “good girl” so mostly fem!coded

— I WROTE THIS AND THEN IT GOT DELETED I MIGHT KMS.

alastor gets slangs that are common such as LOL, WTF, IDK but doesn’t get some that aren’t as common like LMFAO, IDRC, or WTAF since they’re just making them longer, so it’s quite useless…

he also doesn’t quite get shortcuts for words. one time you left him a note “lol brb rq imma b back in like 20 min. j gon pick smt up” most of it was honestly gibberish to him, but at the very least, he understood you’ll be back in 20 minutes.

gets really angry when you say things like “stop reaching, gooner. you’re just pissed that you’re a beta.” because; one, you’re blatantly disrespecting the radio demon and telling him to shut up. and two, he doesn’t get what any of that meant. what’s a gooner?

also gets annoyed often when you start singing songs like “i’m the alpha, i’m the leader” or “sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler” because, it’s a reflection on modern society and how music quality in modern times have plummeted significantly.

what happened to those beautiful songs such as “the man i love”? has it been replaced by this rizzler nonsense??? honestly, you’re giving alastor more and more reasons to dislike modernity… you’re lucky he finds your company enjoyable

in a desperate attempt to connect with you, he asked angel about your humor, hoping he’d understand. alastor knows that if anything, velvette would know. but, he’d rather get beaten by lucifer than ask the vees for help…

sadly for him, angel is just as confused. although, he at least knew what this alpha bullshit was, vaguely explaining furries and the alpha-beta-omegaverse to him…

you were in the hotel den, scrolling on social media as alastor walked in. “s/o, be a dear and fetch me some chicken breasts from the butcher, would you? i’d like to prepare something for tonight’s dinner.” alastor smiled

“hmm… nah. go do it yourself, furry” you giggled brattishly. “hahah… what did you call me?” alastor asked sternly, his face now close with yours, antlers increasing only slightly in size. “ah…” you stuttered.

alastor was never this mad when you said stuff like that, what was so different today? maybe he was in a bad mood? “ah… ill get it…” you conceded, using your hands to lightly push alastor away, lest he decides you’ll be for dinner…………

alastor snickered before patting you on the head. “good girl. don’t call me that again, this old dog can still learn new tricks, y’know?” he teasingly sang out. “huh?” you asked. “did you learn what a furry is?” you bit your lip, holding back your laughter.

“indeed, i did. horrifying that you’d think i would indulge in such hobbies…” he sighed, looking a little uncomfortable through his stressed smile. “what..? i don’t think you’re a furry, alastor. it’s not that deep. furry is just something that i used to laugh about with my friends back on earth.” you shallowly laughed, copying his actions by rubbing his hair.

he has to admit, that little mistranslation was a little funny looking back on it. but, he is a little disheartened that he got you scared over nothing. you were just having your fun and he got all pissed off. he’d definitely try to instead ask you about your slang as to prevent such a thing again…

[mywifealhaitham]

pre release boothill relationship headcanons!!!

a/n: I'm fiending off crumbs... I've wanted to read some x reader of him but theres none so I gotta write it myself. I hope the other 4 boothill fans enjoy

warnings: gn!reader, like 2 gendered pet names (pretty girl/boy), most of this is written with bias because we don't have alot to go off, obviously written prerelease, when we actually get content of him I'll definitely be rewriting

LEAKS AHEAD!!!

bc: Valentine_DD_ on twt

- Boothill is described as a righteous person if his bottom line doesn't get crossed, so he definitely treats you good. probably more on the protective side when it comes to you, he's probably not afraid to use his gun if someone is threatening you.

- and believe me he's intimidating. from his overall tough and "unruly" cowboy look to his mechanical body it leaves enemies just a little challenged. he lowers his voice too and probably has a more fierce look in his eyes too. after any threats have been delt with he probably turns to you and turns into the sweetest thing ever, a wide grin across his face and his hands on your cheeks peppering you with small kisses.

- Its said he's a bit sophisticated due to his experiences so I'd like to imagine sometimes he charms you with facts and details about other planets or just genuinely sharing some tips and tricks he's picked up from other cultures. he's also a person who can get along with others pretty well but he can easily give strangers an impression he's selfish and is a bad person.

- again this kinda feeds into he's basically you'd guard dog... but I mean who wouldn't want to be saved by a handsome and sweet cowboy. despite his unpredictable personality and looks he's a huge gentleman for sure. always opens doors and pulls out chairs for you, makes sure your behind him and okay if any danger approaches and practically listens to your every command (lowkey giving off my girl and I don't argue she tells me to shut up and I do)

- one part I'm so excited to see is what they mean by he's illiterate and using metaphors. it's probably just him using slang but it's still kinda cute. I feel like his cheesy and strange metaphors turn into pick up lines when talking to you. perhaps he'll pull a "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" or something cheesier. Definitely a huge nickname guy, almost never uses your real name. I'm guessing he'd use stuff like doll, sugar, baby, pretty girl/boy and more teasing names. heavy on doll and sugar and just imagine him saying it in a deep southern accent... 😍 kicking my feet. also I imagine he loves making you giggle by not cursing (because he literally cant) and normally he'd get pissed if someone laughed at him like that if it's you he doesn't mind at all.

- that's pretty much it for like analyzing the leaks I saw but now the stuff up ahead is just bias yapping because I always project

- HE DEFINITELY IS A HAND KISSER. greets you by getting on one knee, holding his hat to his chest and kissing your hand. makes eye contact with you too and does that toothy smirk of his IM SWOONINGGG

- maybe he's a dancer! pulls you into his arms and places his hat on your head when a good song plays in taverns. even if your clueless on any type of dances then he'll pull you along to the beat whispering Instructions in your ear.

- gets so lovesick when drunk it drives everyone mad. any folks he's sitting with at a bar gets a whole speech on his wonderful beautiful darling who he owes his live and would happily die by their hand. and may God save you when you come pick him up because he'll be all over you. Immediately he wraps a arm around your waist as he slurrs his hello as he proceeds to tell you he loves you like 40 times. besides the mass amounts of kisses you'll receive once you both reach a private spot he let's some feelings that he might be too shy to share normally, holding your face as he calls you his pretty girl/boy and how he's so lucky to have you.

- honestly not the best for cuddling however unfortunately he needs to cuddle you to sleep so goodluck! his metal body isn't completely uncomfortable it's just cold alot. he tries to get around this by literally preheating himself with blankets before you go to bed.

very bad boothill brainrot atm... only a few more weeks until we get official content 😭 everyone hold hands we got this

here's the actual leaks if anyone is curious ^_^

[hughiecampbelle]

Being Becca and Butchers Child Would Include: Pt. 1

Requested: Heyyyy can I request some headcanons about being Billy Butcher child (like his and Beccas' only child they had together before Homelander r@ped her) and how some other people would react to it?? (*≧ω≦) - anon

A/N: My love!!! I did want to re-watch the show before I started writing so I'm very sorry about the wait! This was so fun to write! I really hope you like it!!! I ran out of room, so there will definitely be a part two!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Preference Reaction / Headcanon Pt. 2

Ok idk really know the timeline of how long they were together before the Homelander incident, but I'm making reader 10+ years old at the time of Becca going missing so that they're old enough to take part in Butcher's life afterwards

You were 10+ when your mother went missing

Before that, your life was average. Your parents couldn't get enough of one another, even if your father had some self-destructive tendencies, your mother could always reel him back in

Your father was heartbroken when you started talking and was more American than he'd hoped, but you still picked up on his slang

Your mother was attentive and loving, the both of them were, though your father always struggled with expressing it

Instead he would physically show it by hanging out with you, bringing you to the park and museums and just being there unlike his own father

You're closer with your mothers side of the family, especially your Aunt Rachel, but you have special connection with your fathers aunt, Great Aunt Judy

For the most part, it's the three of you and it's perfect

When you're old enough, you beg your parents for a dog

Becca isn't too sure, but after months of asking and getting your father on board, she agrees

That's when your family of three turns into four - your father names him Terror and you love him more than anything

Your parents are adamant your education is beyond important

Your mother primarily helps with homework since your father got too confused with the way you were taught math and had to throw everything in his wallet into the swear jar

They tuck you in every night and, when you were younger, would read you bedtime stories

Becca's new job at Vought was a great thing for your family

You were all so excited and proud of her - especially your father

You tagged along that night to the party, showing you were old enough to behave, proving you weren't a kid anymore

You even got your picture taken with Homelander

Not long after, your mother went missing

Your father changed

Things that were important weren't anymore

He let his hair grow, staying out at all hours, ordering Terror to look after you

In a way, you'd lost both parents that day

After Butcher talks to Mallory, he loses every part of his old self

Your grades tank and the school threatens to hold you back

You're angry and hurt and your life changed overnight. You don't care about homework, you don't care about grades, or friends, or petty school drama - you want your mother back

You start acting out, too. Getting into fights, skipping school, etc.

You and your dad start to fight, too. You fend for yourself most nights, tucking yourself in, calling and texting him without an answer. When he's not working for Mallory or doing his own investigating, he's drinking and getting into bar fights

Realizing he can't do this alone, that he can't raise you like this, that he's hurting you as much as he's hurting himself, he sends you off to your Aunt Rachel

She provides what she can, but you're still angry, cagey, spiky

After your father sends you a way, you kind of give up on whatever future you had planned. Nothing mattered anymore. Your mother was gone and now your father was slipping, too

You and Rachel fight and bicker and though she tries to call your father for help, he rarely picks up

Every few weeks he'll show up and order you around, reminding you you were such a good kid and that your mother wouldn't want you acting like this, but you call him a hypocrite

When things are rocky between you and your Aunt, you live with your great Aunt Judy

At least Terror is there, too

She's kind of a no-nonsense-woman. She doesn't put up with any of your attitude

It sets you straight for a while, she offers the mothering you were lacking, but you're still hurting. Your grades and attendance are just okay, but it's better than before

The less you see your father, the more obvious it becomes that he's not coming back

As you get older, you begin sneaking out, partying, drinking and doing drugs

There are days you spend at friends houses and entire weekends she doesn't see or hear from you

You leave messages on your fathers phone, yelling and screaming and begging and crying, wondering why the hell he abandoned you

He can tell by the slur of your words you're drunk or high or both

You try to get in relationships, but, like your family, you're afraid they'll decide to leave you too, and so you push them away before then

Rachel probably thought to get you into therapy, but Judy didn't believe in that kind of thing, so you never went, not that you wouldn't have refused to go at any age

You graduate high school, but just barely, and though Rachel and Judy are there to watch you walk across the stage, you can't help but feel what's missing

In the years between, you accept your mothers death. The case has grown cold and despite what your father says, you have little faith she's ever coming back

You still celebrate her birthday with her favorite flavor cake and you talk about her often. You brought all the pictures of her you could find, even the one of the three of you together with Homelander

Older now, and directionless, you leave Judy and seek out your father

You track him down to a hideout under a shop in the middle of the city. It wasn't really that hard to ask around. Everyone remembered the rugged jackass who called them a c-nt

You packed a bag with you, hoping you could stay with him and get some answers

You barge through the shop, yelling for him to come out, calling a fucking coward (and worse)

People you don't know or recognize let you down into the basement, asking who you are, why you're looking for Butcher

When you tell him you're Y/n Butcher they all look at one another - they had no idea you even existed. In all the stories Butcher shared about his life before, never did he bring up a kid

Hughie, Frenchie, M.M., and Kimiko tell you as much as they can without feeling like they're overstepping, introducing themselves as friends of your dad

They have no idea where he is, but if you'd like to wait

The Boys definitely argue in the corner about what to do with you

Hughie, empathetic, says to let you stay until Butcher shows up. You clearly had nowhere else to go and you deserved to know everything

M.M. argued it was better to keep you safe, let you go back to your Aunt, anywhere that wasn't here

Kimiko and Frenchie were conflicted

All of them were wondering why he'd have kept you a secret

You like talking to Hughie the best, he's the first one of them you trust. There's something familiar about him

You grow impatient waiting for him. He still won't pick up and you've asked all around- no one's seen him

You fall back into old habits pretty quickly

You're exactly like your father - stumbling back to the hideout drunk and swearing and falling asleep on the couch reeking of booze

You listen to angry music way too loud

Kimiko likes it, she likes you, too

When your father magically appears in a ridiculous outfit, he tells everyone Becca is alive before realizing you're there, too

Instantly, you start cursing him out

M.M. has to hold you back from getting in his face

Butcher asks what the fuck you're doing here while everyone else, as discreetly as possible, asks when he was gonna tell them about you

You and your father reconnect after years, arguing and lashing out at one another. He orders you back to Judy, but you're a legal adult now

You want to know where he's been, why he's just showing up now, why Vought is looking for him and why he's so adamant your mother is alive

[starwrighter]

Dude, get a restraining order

(Masterpost) (Ao3 link) (previous)

(Chapter #5 Ya'll)

Just like he said he would, Damian walked Danny to his earth science classroom. Guiding him through labyrinth-like hallways with a firm grip on his sleeve. It’s as if he thought Danny would slip through his fingers and be swept away by the crowd of students. Embarrassingly enough, that’s an accurate assumption of both his luck and his situational awareness. If he dared to imagine the future, prison bars, sigils, and the outline of a body immediately came to mind.

Forever he’d be thanking the ancients for Damian expert skills in navigating. Without him, he’d probably be curled up at the bottom of a staircase by now. Or in a death cult keen on taking over the world. It might seem ridiculously pessimistic, but freaky escalations like that happened to him all the time! He’d gone from searching for a gift he’d accidentally knocked into the zone to staging a massive prison break! Needless to say, he appreciated the company.

“Since your map is half a century out-of-date; I’ll pick you up around lunchtime,” Damian declared, curtly waiting for his response.

”Sounds good,” Giving the other boy a small wave and a thankful smile Danny headed into the classroom.

A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips as he read the cheesy geology jokes scrawled onto the board. The jokes were stupid in a way only teachers or dads could make them. Puns that could do psychic damage if you dare read them aloud. It’s beautiful. Leagues above a certain English teacher who butchered slang so brutally the lingo died on the spot.

The typical classroom posters lined the walls. A clear bucket full of rocks just sitting on the teacher’s desk as she started taking attendance. He sat close to the front furthest from the door. His blindside faced the wall, nobody could sneak up on him and he wouldn’t be trampled when the bell rang. Nobody could gawk pityingly at his face this way. Yeah, you could pry this spot from his cold dead hands.

It might seem extreme but people were…Weird when it came down to his disability. Some people treated him like he was utterly useless, incapable of doing anything on his own. They tried to “help” without bothering to ask about his condition or if he even needed help. It was so much worse the first few months after the accident. He was wheelchair-bound for that. -1/10 wouldn’t recommend.

He could say with certainty nobody wanted to be paralyzed. It’s jarring how differently treated him back then. They’d point out the obvious like he’s completely blind. Annoying, but understandable considering how gnarled his facial injuries were before they healed. It looked like somebody shot him in the face with a firework. The fact that he didn’t lose an eye was a medical miracle backed by new ghostly powers.

What wasn’t understandable was the complete lack of boundaries strangers had with him and his wheelchair. No amount of warning could’ve prepared him for the first time someone grabbed his wheelchair and moved him. He thought it’d been a one-time thing but it happened again and again without fail. Somebody would move him out of the way or try to “Help” him get to where he’s going. Several times without so much of a “Hello! Do you need some help,” people he’d never spoken to would grab the handles of his chair and start pushing him.

It’s infuriatingly dehumanizing and their heartbroken faces when he called them out tugged at his heartstrings. So many times he’d guiltily stewed over his responses. Jazz killed that guilt without so much as a thought when she put things into perspective. Even though Jazz had a habit of psychoanalyzing him it felt good when she said his anger warranted.

Nothing would ever feel as good as taking those first shaky steps outside his wheelchair though. The wave of overwhelming emotion when a group of baffled doctors told him his paralysis wasn’t as permanent as they previously thought was unparalleled. He cried a lot that day. Tears of joy, he’s not ashamed to admit that.

Never in his life would he have thought he’d be grateful for Dash’s bullying. But after a full two months of extensive physical therapy and multiple surgeries, he now knew were unnecessary anyone treating him like they did before was a godsend. Dash believed in a twisted kind of equality when it came to bullying, he’d pick on anyone he deemed a loser. For him, it’d been verbal harassment, but regaining the ability to walk gave him confidence. He was extremely cocky, snapping back with sarcastic venom at every dig made at him.

Slowly but surely, people stopped babying him. It was harder to argue that someone was helpless when they were actively picking fights with the star football player. After all the shit he’d involved himself in people treated him like normal. Normal in the sense he was picked on for being a loser with crazy parents.

He’d take that kind of bullying over the underhanded insults drowned in infantilism. As the months passed it felt like everyone forgot about his accident. His classmates would get angry at him when he couldn’t keep up with them and go green with envy when he got extra time for his assignments. People acted like he was getting special treatment just for the sake of it.

Like full body electrocution was something he could just walk off. They didn’t understand how walking and running were easier than standing in place. He was accused of faking it whenever he stood up from his wheelchair. People were offended that he still considered his left side blind when he could still see light in his peripherals.

Everyone he talked to said he was lucky. Lucky to survive, lucky to walk again without aid, lucky to have all the sweet powers, lucky lucky lucky. He didn’t feel all that lucky when his joints locked or when reading gave him migraines so bad he questioned if being alive was worth it.

He knows it could be worse. Dear god does he know it could be so, so, much worse. He could be fully dead. Charred to a crisp without even a blast shadow as evidence of his death. He should’ve been paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life. Braindead, hooked up to a machine as his family mourned their loss. The consequences of walking into that portal chamber were so much lighter than anyone could’ve imagined. So he dealt with it.

Things could be worse. At least he wasn’t in Gotham directly after his accident. Slipping through solid objects around people 100x more fearful of their surroundings was a wonderful way to speedrun getting his spine shattered by a guy in a bat suit. Or trafficked. Danny winces as he scribbles on a sheet of lined paper.

Someone is staring at him. The boy beside him was shooting daggers into his very soul. Hadn’t even bothered to hide the way his face twisted in suspicion when Danny turned to look him in the eyes.

“You need something?” Danny probed, praying this was just him misreading facial expressions.

“What the hell happened to you?” The other boy whispered, his tone harsh and accusatory.

“A shocking experience,” His half-assed response earns him a sharp glare and a sneer.

“No really, what happened?”

“Got zapped,” He shrugs, hoping his classmate would take the hint and drop it.

“That’s not what I meant,” The other seethed. “How did you get electrocuted?”

”Electricity,”

“The fact you’re dodging my question makes you look more suspicious,”

“Not trauma dumping on a stranger makes me suspicious?”

“It’s Gotham! We don’t get transfer students outside major cities and we certainly don’t get ones willing to stay for months! What are you planning?” He hisses, voice cracking as he tried and failed to make it sound lower.

“Trust me, if I had a choice to stay home I would’ve,”

“I don’t think I do trust you,”

“That's not my problem,” Danny shrugged. This guy spoke with the delusional confidence only the stubbornest flat earther could rival. He’s not a gothamite by any means but wasn’t the key unspoken rule of the city “Mind your damn business unless you’re a bat,” It’s on par with Don’t dig straight down but this guy clearly hadn’t learned of the former.

“Why do you have fangs?”

”Genetics,” What kind of question was that? Plenty of people had fangs. It’s a common trait, almost every person in amity has it!

”I don’t believe you,”

Heh? What’s the point in asking if he wasn’t going to believe him when he answered? It reminded him of a certain annoyance back home.

“Why do you-“

”Leave me alone!” He snaps. It’s like his classmates doing his best impression of a toddler! “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” Desperately trying to catch Danny in a lie and refusing to believe any response that wasn’t a confession of guilt. World's greatest detective over here, interrogating him for having the audacity to show up to Gotham with “Gasp!” Scars! Oh, the humanity! What a delinquent!

Ancients’ weren’t these prissy private schools supposed to be better than public schools? He walked to school today expecting to be murdered and or indoctrinated into a weird death cult not interrogated by Walmart Batman over here!

What was this guy expecting to drag out of him anyway? Blueprints for a deathray? A secret plot to break everyone out of Arkham? Secret rogue plans? He just got here today! What could he possibly be planning when his apartment didn’t even have toilet paper yet? They hadn’t even hit the 24-hour mark and he already had a conspiracy theorist pestering him.

“Why are you-“ Copycat Wes starts.

”Leave him alone you fucking moron!” A female voice snaps behind them.

“ You don’t understand! He-,” Sputtering to defend himself the girl glowered at him.

“Has done nothing to warrant your harassment,” She finished the sentence for him.

”No! He’s up to something I swear! Just look at him,”

The girl looked him up and down, her hazel eyes shooting daggers into his soul. “He looks like he’s a strong breeze away from a heart attack,”

Ouch.

"There is something wrong with him, you're just too dim to see it," He spits.

 

“Listen here you toe-eyed spaz, I don’t want to have to deal with Lightning Rod over here frying people to death because you wouldn’t stop tormenting him!” She seethed, jabbing her finger into Offbrand’s chest.

“How do you know he’s not going to do that regardless?”

She turns her attention back to him. “Are you going to start doing rogue shit?” She speaks calmly as if she’s asking about the weather.

He pretends to ponder for a second, checking his phone for dramatic effect. “ Nah, My sister says I’m not allowed to be a criminal outside my hometown. It’ll affect her chances of getting into a good college,” To his surprise, that’s an acceptable response for her.

”See, he’s fine.”

“Did you not hear a word he said?” Copycat sputters. “He just admitted to being a criminal,”

“And?”

“What do you mean, and?” The boy is red in the face now.

”That’s not our problem,” She replied bluntly.

“How is it not our problem?”

“It just isn’t,”

“It clearly is “ He emphasizes.

“This is why you keep getting mugged,” She snaps. “You’ve lived in Gotham your whole life, how have not learned how to mind your damn business,”

“I know how to mind my business. This is my business. You’re the one who butted in,”

“I’m a nosy bitch too. But I’m not the one who’s pretending to be Batman.” She’s smirking now, tapping her fingernails on her desk.

“I’m not pretending to be Batman,” He defends, hands clenched into fists. “I’m just doing my civic duty!”

“You’re delusional,”

“Well- at least I’m not a criminal,” Offbrand Wes sneered, whipping around to glare at him.

Oh great, he’s directly involved again.

“What a scathing remark, I’ll be sure to cry about it while I build my deathray,” Maybe he shouldn’t keep antagonizing. Offbrand looked about ready to strangle him.

“Now you’re pissing him off on purpose,” The girl behind them deadpans.

“ I am, thanks for noticing,” He’s giddy, a shit-eating grin on his face that would immediately get him shanked if he were outside right now.

Their conversation continues. The three of them whisper-yelling at each other. Offbrand Wes fumed at every one of Danny’s sarcastic responses, doubling down on his suspicions. With every absurd accusation thrown his way, the girl defended him. But if you listened in for more than a few seconds you could see she didn’t step to his defense for the sake of being nice. She just really hated this kid. Who could blame her?

The argument devolved into the two gothamites insulting each other in a way only rich kids could. Family names Danny barely recognized as important were thrown around like dodgeballs. Maybe if Danny kept up with celebrity drama he’d be able to tell who’s winning?

“Daniel Fenton? ” He almost jumps at the sudden interruption. He’d been so awestruck watching these two go at each other's throats that he hadn’t noticed anyone approaching them. The teacher is staring down at him; he smiles politely. Better to garner goodwill now rather than later.

”I’d like to see you after class today,” Oh god, already? What had he done to peeve this teacher? Did she hear them arguing? Offbrand was grinning, vindicated as Danny stumbled over himself.

“Oh- uh, will it take long? A friend said he’d help me find my classes since my map is a little off.” He offered up the map as proof. A sacrifice in hopes of leniency for whatever crimes he’s about to be accused of.

The woman looked over the paper, her relaxed expression dropping with the growing confusion.

“Can I see your schedule?” Danny hands it over without a word. Slowly, she ran her fingers against the brail of his schedule. The slow shift in her stance as her face paled felt like it’d been ripped straight from the trailer of a horror movie. He’s heard a lot of crazy things in his life but nothing would ever shock him more than what his teacher said next.

“We’re going be sued into the fucking ground,” Her words were barely audible, whispered behind a closed fist. Danny’s stunned silence was a thousand times louder. Teachers could swear here?! Isn’t that illegal? He sits speechless for an agonizing minute, unsure if he’s in trouble.

Wordlessly, she drags him to the front of the classroom. It feels like he’s being walked to the gallows.

“Do you mind if I keep this?”

”Yeah? I need to know my schedule,” Was wandering around clueless detention for Gotham schools? He hadn’t even done anything. Sure, he was a tad bit tardy this morning. That’s the plane's fault, not his!

“You don’t have a school iPad?” She sounds utterly exasperated.

“No,” He’s supposed to have a school iPad?

“Did they at least give you a proper school I.D.?”

”I hope so ” He shows her the plastic card he’d been given alongside his schedule. She scrutinized the card, glaring intently at every word. It’d taken hours to get a decent photo for that stupid card.

“There’s something wrong with it isn’t there?” Screwed over straight from the get-go. He’ll be haunting the front desk for the foreseeable future.

“No, no it’s fine,” She waves him off. “Leave the map with me and drop your schedule off at the front desk when you leave for the day okay?” He nods, that’s all he can do at the moment.

When the bell finally rang their teacher practically shooed his classmates out the door. Students clogged the doorway, a glob of tangled backpacks that slowly oozed into halls separating with miffed expressions. The tile floor couldn’t be more appealing as he waited for the bomb to drop. In a fancy school like this, the punishment for tardiness could be public execution. You never know.

The punishment for seeing the school guidance counselor had been public humiliation with a side of attempted murder. So capital punishment being carried out in schools wasn’t something he’d be surprised about. They’d better have a guillotine, he’s gotten pretty sick of the electric chair.

“Is your friend coming to get you?” The woman asks, still studying the map with a furrowed brow. She squinted at the paper holding out in front of her face like the distance would change the image.

“I think so, he dropped me off here,” Danny pauses, fiddling with the buttons on the cuffs of his sleeves. “I’m not in trouble, am I?”

She shakes her head much to his relief “Somebody’s going to be in trouble but it certainly isn’t you,”

Patterned knocking at the classroom door draws his attention from the woman. Green eyes met blue as Damian quietly entered the room.

“That’s him!” Beaming, he turns back to the teacher. “Can I go now?” She nods wordlessly. With her approval, Danny doesn't hesitate for a second. He darts over to the other boy with a relieved grin on his face.

“How was class?” He asks as they step out of the classroom.

”Unnoteworthy,” Damian hummed.

”Same,” I mean, technically he did get into a fight. But it wasn’t exactly something to write home about. Blows hadn’t been exchanged and he wasn’t gut-punched with a month's worth of detention. Yet.

The walk to the lunch room is heavily crowded. The cafeteria echoed with the chattering of a sea of teenagers. Their navy blue uniform made clusters of students indistinguishable from one another. Sam would hate it here.

“Hey, on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate lunch here?”

“Ten. I bring my food from home,” Damian responds quickly pausing afterward as if he’s contemplating a second answer.

“Fair,” He shrugs “nothing beats some home-cooked edible food,” Memories swirled through his brain like he’s a soldier fresh out of war. Reanimated turkeys, living mashed potatoes, gallons of milk that glowed bright enough to light an entire room.

“I reckon your parents’ aren’t the best chefs?” He can barely hold back a wince at the question.

”They try to be…” He sighs “Dad can make some killer fudge but everything else he cooks looks radioactive,”

“I suppose I can relate to that” Damian drawls, “Most of the family is barred from the kitchen without supervision,”

“That’s probably a good idea, learning to cook can be pretty messy,”

” I take it you’re the cook of your family?” Damian asks, eyebrows raised.

“Eh, kind of? I’m not the best but I can make edible food,”

“The bare minimum you know?” He laughs. “My parents are scientists so there wasn’t exactly time for cooking lessons while they were drilling us on safely handling their machinery,”

Damian looks him up and down, eyes locking on his face. “I don’t think those ‘drills’ did you well,”

“They did. I deliberately ignored what they taught me; fucked around and found out,” He shrugs. The past is the past and he’s learned not to change it for his own sake.

“I see…”

“Soooo…” Danny starts, the silence between the two of them awkward. “How would you rate the school-provided lunch?” He reiterated.

”I’ve only eaten the school-provided lunch once but I’d say it’s a four, maybe four point five if I’m being generous,”

”I’d settle for edible,” It’s a private school. Sure, it being in Gotham threw him off a little but what’s the worst that could happen? He dies? A bit too late for that.

“Your standards concern me,”

“Take that up with my school cafeteria; they gave me those standards,” To be fair, his parents contributed to that too. So had Nasty Burger. He had a love-hate relationship with food especially when it’s from a school cafeteria.

Call him paranoid but Casper High fed people dirt and grass plucked from the football field as a “Vegan option” Don’t even get him started on the rocks. Whole ass stones almost as big as his fist. They’d been expected to eat that?! Anyone who’d gotten nailed with one of those suckers when ‘food’ started flying, forever had his sympathy. Nobody was hospitalized but he’d seen the dents in the wall when they made him clean the cafeteria. Rocks were chucked in that food fight.

He’d gathered his lunch without much of an issue. The salad wasn’t sentient and his sandwich hadn’t screamed at him yet. He’d even managed to remember his lunch number at the end of it! Today’s a good day to be pleasantly surprised by the bare minimum. God knows he's gonna need the extra positivity.

Walking through the cafeteria, he spots Damian pretty quickly. The other somehow found himself one of the only empty tables in the whole cafeteria. When Damian waves him over it takes all his self-control to stifle a grin. For a split second, he’d thought he’d overstepped. Thought he’d missed the signs that Damian wanted him gone like Dad missed the signs that Vlad was a psycho.

“Are you really the chef of your family?” Damian questions.

“I am,” he grins, as Damian eyes him skeptically. “Does this-“ Danny gestures at himself. “Not look like the textbook example of a five-star chef to you?”

“Absolutely not,” Damian replied coldly without skipping a beat. “You look like you could burn a bowl of cereal,”

“I can cook, it just took a while to learn how,” You could only learn so fast when every ingredient is contaminated by a mystery cocktail of chemicals.

Even if he wasn’t a master chef he’s better than he was those first months after the accident. So many dishes shattered against the floor. He’d been scolded for each one. Anything he tried to hold slipped from his grasp before the ten-second mark.

“Could you give me any advice?” Damian asked.

“Try out some pasta recipes,” He comments between bites of his sandwich. “They’re hard to screw up and almost every cookbook has about a dozen you can practice,”

“Don’t go with overly complicated recipes straight off the bat. If you’re trying to make a three-course dinner when you can barely make a peanut butter jelly sandwich you’ll end up with a whole lot of wasted food and some scratched pans,” Danny warns, he’s lost count of the hours he’d spent scrubbing the charred food out of pots and pans.

“Alfred wouldn’t be happy about that,”

“Maybe you should ask ‘Alfred’ to teach you,” Danny comments, he wasn’t a tutor. That’s Jazz’s job. Sure, he’d like to be helpful but his journey in the kitchen involved resurrected coleslaw and radioactive dairy products. An experience few could relate to.

“I taught myself with YouTube tutorials, cookbooks, and spite; I’m sure you’d learn better with someone with someone there to give you feedback on what you’re doing.”

“Tch,” Damian glowered, shooting daggers down at his food.

“I’m serious!” He emphasizes, “Trying to wing it straight off the bat just isn’t a good idea,” He knew from experience. Food poisoning isn’t fun. Neither were the blisters you’d get from boiling oil.

“I’m sure many people ‘wing it’ in the kitchen,” Damian insists. “What if I’m a naturally born chef?”

”Didn’t you say you’re barred from the kitchen?” Damian’s cheeks turn a flustered red.

”I said most of my family is barred from the kitchen!” Damian defends like Danny’s ‘accusation’ is a slight against his character.

”Are you included in that ban?”

”…yes” The other boy whispers begrudgingly. He tries, he really does, but there’s no stopping the quiet giggle that erupts from his chest. Damian glares daggers at him cheeks rosy with embarrassment.

”I swear I’m not laughing at you,” He wheezes. It’s a lie and both of them know it.

”Go ahead and laugh, I’m not the one who fried myself,” Damian huffs.

Danny made jokes about his accident all the time. Much to everyone else's dismay his lab accident was his go-to event to joke about. No matter how many times he got scolded for “Making people uncomfortable” he kept it up. This wasn’t the first time someone had made a comment but there’s something about the way he said it. Something about the way he emphasized his words made Danny lose all composure. Collapsing into his folded arms, shoulder shaking with silent laughter.

”Hey…” The other boy’s voice is weaved with concern a guilty lift to his voice. Gently, he pokes Danny’s arm. Any worry drained from his features when Danny lifted his head to look at him.

”I thought I'd upset you!” Damian half shouts.

”Nah, I’ve got thicker skin than that,” He reassures.

”You're the first, Others tell me I come off rather… cold,”

“Really?” That’s a surprise. Danny couldn’t see it, then again he hasn’t known Damian for very long. After all that’s happened, he’d like to think he’s a better judge of character. The other boy didn’t give off Penelope spectra vibes. Nor did he act like a miniature Vlad. If anything, he reminded him of Sam.

“You’re a liar if you think I’m friendly,” He snaps scowling at Danny as if he’d just spat in his lunch or something.

”I’m not a liar, I just have a different definition of friendly than you do,”

“Does your definition of friendly happen to be rich?”

“Fuck no!” He snaps without thinking. Raising an eyebrow Damian stares at him green eyes scrutinizing his expression like there’s deeper meaning in his words. “Eat the rich,” He clarifies, as if that’s supposed to explain anything.

“Friendliness is compassion, a willingness to help, not sugar-sweet conversations with extroverted compassion,” It’s easy to put on a sweet voice while you screw someone over. Even easier to insult someone with a snidely worded ‘compliment’.

“You helped me without hesitation when you could have left me to fend for myself,”

“The situation was ridiculous, I had to help.” Damian defends

“ You didn’t have to,” he points out.

“Listen, I’m not trying to challenge your view of yourself; I’m just saying you’ve been nice to me so far,”

Damian relaxes, staring down at his lunch. “I pity you,”

“Pity me enough to give me a bite?” Danny asks, batting his eyes obnoxiously.

“Absolutely not,”

“Fuck.”

[princessbrunette]

i feel like pervy bsf jj would get a kick out of reader being a virgin :( like he’d make sexual jokes, knowing she doesn’t know what they mean sometimes. he’d be all “it’s okay, baby. you’re a virgin, you won’t understand.” or something :(

-` ♡ ´-ಇ.₊˚⊹♡

sharing a seat with him meaning he wants to have you on his lap, but he’ll settle for sitting behind you with his legs either side of you, letting you lean back casually against your best friends chest.

you’re used to him being loud and outright obnoxious, making jokes you don’t understand. sometimes, you get super shy about it — because yes, you don’t understand all the jokes. but he doesn’t have to point it out!

“actually, before i say what i wanna say imma cover your ears, lil lady.” jj smirks, large warm hands gently cupping your ears obstructing your hearing. you whine irritably, batting his hands away.

“jj, please. i can take it.” you turn around, giving him what you assume to be a very serious face — but really it’s the same old doe eyed gaze that makes him wanna fuck you. you watch the cogs turn in his head, smirk growing as the group predict his inappropriateness incoming.

“ooooooh…” john b is the only one almost as amused as jj, pope and kie simultaneously letting out an “oh boy.” and “guys stop.”

“now those are some words i have been waitin’ to hear you say, my sweet little mary.” jj jokes, giving your hips an affectionate squeeze.

you tilt your head, now you’re just confused. “who’s mary?”

“its slang. hes calling you a virgin, like a total degenerate.” pope sits forward in his chair to toss an empty can at him, somewhat coming to your defence. you shake your head, leaning back against the blonde.

“whatever, i don’t get it.” you hum, happily enough — and the conversation picks back up.

“you will get it.”

“hm?”

“hm?” he repeats, craning his head round to look at you with a friendly smile.

-` ♡ ´-ಇ.₊˚⊹♡

[dwarven-beard-spores]

I love Lucy's discussion of Quincey speaking American slang in today's Dracula, so much. There's so much to love about it!

The claim that Quincey only speaks slang to please her when usually he has "exquisite manners", when, for the rest of the book we only hear him speak in his Very Cowboy Way. (I wonder if perhaps he was only speaking "politely" for her sake, and dropped it when he realized how it delighted her).

Lucy going "I do not know myself if I shall ever speak slang; I do not know if Arthur likes it, as I have never heard him use any as yet." Which is delightful for several reasons:

Being besties with Quincey definitely means Art is no stranger to slang, even if he doesn't use it himself

Can you imagine?? Lucy trying to talk American slang the way Quincey does? Putting on that Cowboy attitude? Especially when she thinks all of it is probably made up and would make up her own?? This would be PRECIOUS.

Please compare with me!

Quincey, May 24: "Don't cry, my dear. If it's for me, I'm a hard nut to crack; and I take it standing up."

Lucy, May 11: "He has a curious habit of looking one straight in the face, as if trying to read one's thoughts. He tries this on very much with me, but I flatter myself he has got a tough nut to crack. I know that from my glass."

Now idk the origin of the phrase "hard/tough nut to crack" (online dictionaries are telling me "the 1700s" with no location given) so idk if that truly counts as American Slang for Lucy's purposes BUT

Looks like she has already been picking up some phrases from him :D