#and she never told me it was a 90 script when I called and asked what was ordered and what was happening

[hafwen]

I figured out one of the problems with one of my prescriptions is that the doctor wrote a 90 day one instead of a a 30 day. I called my doctor and had them send it into cvs to it filled. Then the pharmacist called to yell at me for not fixing some billing code in my health insurance which is weird because she told me I couldn’t do that and she had to tell corporate and then it would take 5 business days.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Lisa Selin Davis

Published: Jul 5, 2023

“Have you seen the latest study?” the psychologist asked me. 

I had called Dr. Ken Zucker, a man who had spent decades working with children and young people with gender dysphoria, to talk to him about the history of that diagnosis. I wanted to know who got to decide when something was a variation versus a deviation; who got to decide when a way of being gendered in the world was abnormal, and required treatment. 

By this time, I’d been writing about gender issues full time for about four years, since I published an op-ed in The New York Times about people assuming my masculine daughter was transgender and required social transition. Why, I asked, would we create so much meaning from a child rejecting the gender role associated with her sex? Isn’t that what GenX kids like me, reared with the soundtrack of Free to Be, You and Me, were raised to do?

The op-ed was supported by many, but vociferously objected to by some who accused me of transphobia. I was shocked and stung by that reaction. In the piece I said that I supported trans kids, but wanted to encourage children to explore both sides of the pink/blue divide without it reflecting on their identities—how could that be hateful? I reached out to some of my detractors to ask them to explain their views to me, and perhaps because I put in the subject line “What I got wrong,” some of them—including very prominent trans activists—agreed to do so.

I won’t name him, but one person who’d written a response to my piece, which had also gone viral, was a lawyer for an influential non-profit law group. He spent an hour-and-a-half at a coffee shop in the Financial District explaining to me that nuanced arguments like mine were dangerous. Deviating from the script, he said, always provided fodder for the right wing that wanted to oppress trans people and take away their rights and healthcare. Indeed, to my shock, Breitbart had written about my piece as an example of “slamming transgender ideology.” And Laura Ingraham’s people had reached out to me to appear on her show, even though I was clearly a full-throttle liberal. This confused and frightened me. I didn’t want to play for the other team. 

Others reached out to me, too, including a healthcare lawyer, and lesbian, who lived in my neighborhood. We met for coffee, and she explained the issue from her point of view: pharmaceutical companies were conducting experiments on gay kids. Though it sounded too wild to be true, ringing of conspiracy theory, her idea dislodged some doubt inside me. Two years before, a friend of mine had made a documentary about trans kids. I’d said to her at the time, “Why do they all seem gay?”

I powered through my doubts, writing a book about gender nonconforming girls, trying to represent diverse points of view in the project. Well, some diverse points of view. My friend who’d written a book about trans teens five years before told me that I should never mention detransitioners; I’m sad to say I took this advice to heart. It was too dangerous for trans people, she said, and I didn’t want to make life any worse for people struggling to be understood and accepted. 

Still, I questioned why so many of the people identifying as trans seemed to be rooting their identities in stereotypes. I was nuanced, but not in a way that could excite Tucker Carlson. I knew, like so many people, that something was wrong with the increasingly pervasive narrative about trans kids. I just didn’t have the knowledge and the language to articulate it. (This is something many people identifying as trans also say: they had a feeling. They didn’t have information, or a name.)

Then, almost a year after my book was published, I called Dr. Zucker. He showed me the study, and it was then I knew I’d allowed myself to be captured. The study followed young boys with gender dysphoria over a 15-year period. Almost 90 percent of boys desisted during or after puberty—that is, their gender dysphoria subsided. And almost 70 percent of them were bisexual or gay. Left alone, and not socially transitioned, almost all young kids now labeled as trans would not grow up to identify that way, and most would be same-sex attracted. The only time the media mentions this and the other studies with similar results is to discount them. Kids are routinely taught that gender and sexuality are not connected, but in fact, they are deeply intertwined.

From that moment of awakening, I allowed myself to look at the mountains of disruptive evidence that I had blinded myself to in years before. Once I saw it, I couldn’t look away. The mainstream media narrative about conversion therapy, detransitioners, puberty blockers, trans kids—it’s all deeply distorted and leaves out information that every person—especially every gender dysphoric kid and parent of one—deserves to know. 

One reason so many gay and lesbian adults are concerned about the medical treatment of gender dysphoric youth is that they experienced that condition as children. Like so many, they grew out of it, and later identified as gay. There is overlap between childhood GD, and childhood gender nonconformity, and later homosexuality; thus they see these medical interventions as a kind of conversion therapy. The media and medical community’s refusal to acknowledge that has left a generation misinformed. The left wing, and especially the left and center press, have gotten this story very, very wrong.

Perhaps the most shocking thing I learned is that the medical protocol used to “liberate” trans kids is the same protocol once used to treat or cure homosexuality, and still used to chemically castrate sex offenders. What if every brochure, every children’s hospital gender clinic website, every activist organization, led with that fact? Would more of us wake up, and faster? Would more of us covert to be on the side of evidence, truth, and nuance, rather than thought-terminating clichés? 

Let’s find out, shall we? Let’s inform people on the left properly, and see if we can push past the culture war to do what’s best for kids.

==

More successful at "fixing" gay kids than the Xian Right ever was.

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 11: SHITTY REASONS WHY

wc: 8000 and change i think

warnings: stalking, drug use, violence, mental health issues

prev chapter

***

"fucking 90% on your calc test, are you kidding me?" jongho said in impressed disbelief. he handed yasmine her test script with a smile, sitting next to her outside the botanical garden of the school.

yasmine covered her face as she felt it redden, her smile going embarrassedly broad. "when i asked you to get my script, i didnt mean look at it!" she whined.

"no, but its really good!" jongho insisted. "keep that up and these 4 years will go by so fast. you'll be out of the country before you know it."

yasmine stared at her test, smiling fondly. she was good at math and science and was really interested in anatomy. it fascinated her, the human body. she knew exactly what she wanted to go into, the program, the university. it was still early, but she knew deep down.

but the problem was her parents. her smile was quick to fade.

"whats wrong?" jongho asked her, concerned. "you went all quiet."

"its just," she sighed heavily, already feeling stupid. "i could call my family about this and they probably wouldnt care. or they'd forget about it in an instant."

yasmine didnt want to sound like the cliche rich girl that never got attention. especially to jongho, who also had parents who were in and out of the country.

she frowned and shook her head, tucking her hair behind her ear as she laughed awkwardly. "its dumb, i know. im happy they let me model for them and stuff but i feel like they dont care about my other accomplishments, thats all."

"hey," jongho's gentle hands found her chin, stroking it softly. yasmine gulped as she stared at his handsome face that were giving her pitiful eyes. "im here. i care about your accomplishments."

yasmine sighed internally. that was the point. the reason. all right there.

there was something about venting to a man that just felt pointless. especially when he found you attractive. he'd somehow always make it about him. or make sure he looked good at the end of it. as if he was some solution to all your issues.

yasmine couldnt stand it. but she loved jongho as a person. so she never spoke her thoughts.

maybe it was his attention. she thought if she lost it, she would be worse off. after all, its not like she had her parents. they were in their own bubble more than half the time.

"thanks jongho," yasmine defeatedly muttered with a smile. standard procedure.

"i can tell you dont feel better, you know. you should come over later," he suggested. "we can have a few drinks and chill. watch a movie. i can make you forget for a while."

she'd be lying if she said she didnt want to forget. things were bad at home. constant arguing. yasmine was always getting told she was the only good thing in the house. the pressure to not fuck up was getting worse. when all she wanted to do was fuck up. she wanted to let loose. and be free.

she smiled again. "yeah yeah, i'll come over. will it just be us?"

jongho gave her an awkward smile. "do you want it to be just us?"

just as yasmine was about to answer, a message popped up on her screen, the notification tone blocking her words.

shit.

"crap," she hissed, standing up and dropping her bag from her lap, and all her things at once. "its yaera."

jongho groaned aloud. "ugh, what now?"

yasmine didnt miss the disdain in his voice. but she couldnt deal with his hatred for her now. her head was pounding just thinking of how bad the atmosphere would be when she got home.

"she skipped school and got drunk. shes at the police station, she got arrested," yasmine said with a heavy sigh. "they just called my parents."

"of fucking course," jongho said with a roll of his eyes. "im not even surprised. shes doing all this for attention you know."

"i dont think im going to be able to come over because of this," and just by those words jongho's anger rose to the surface.

"i fucking swear. she ALWAYS gets in the way of things," he snapped, making yasmine flinch. she knew he couldnt stand her but seriously?

"its not that serious, chill," she tried to say, but jongho just shook his head angrily.

"no but its true, isnt it? she keeps fucking up and then you have to clean up the mess. why doesnt she just run away or something since she wants to get kicked out so bad? shes just making everything worse at home!"

yasmine felt guilty. jongho wasnt wrong. everything argument these days revolved around yaera. her grades. her attitude. how she was in her own world. how she didnt have any goals. how she was stuck in her room and couldnt put in any effort. how lazy she was, how much space she took up. every single thing was a problem.

but yasmine wished she could help it. she tried before. fixing her sister. but all it did was made her latch onto her like a koala to a tree . then yasmine had to cut her branches. and now yaera was going off on her own, not telling her anything, acting out in ways worse than before.

"i dont get why shes doing this...i just," she felt exhausted just thinking about it. "something happened but she wont tell me. maybe i did something. maybe she got her heartbroken. shes been getting worse."

"theres nothing wrong with her," jongho scoffed. "shes just an attention whore. now that youre not attached to her hip shes acting out to make you feel guilty. dont fucking fall for it, yas."

he was so harsh. "the counsellor my parents got for her wants to send her to a therapist or psychologist or something. they think shes depressed or has something going on up there."

jongho bent his elbows on his knees and sighed, staring at his shoes. "i cant believe she fucked up you coming over. i wish she would just go away."

yasmine frowned and picked up her things, starting to pack them. jongho looked up at her broodingly. she was leaving.

"i have to get going," she said with an apologetic smile. "i'll talk to you later, yeah."

***

yaera

im pacing tirelessly in the dull sun, grey clouds hanging over and my stress levels up to my head. san is sitting on the grass with his backpack clutched infront of him, jongho's prized camera inside.

that asshole is so dead.

"whats taking this fucker so long?" i snap, my irritation erratic. i just want him to face me. to dare be so callous about what he did. it'll be funny, really. hearing his bs explanation.

"hes scared," san says, annoyingly calm. "he should be really. this looks really bad for him."

i stop in my tracks and stare at him dead straight. "arent you angry?"

he frowns in confusion. "angry about what?"

"about how he almost tried to frame you and pin it on you because you're poor. you're not angry about that?"

san shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. "im not worried about me right now. his stunt was cheap, but im not surprised. he'll get whats going to him, is all im going to say. wooyoung and i still have to have a talk with him."

"good," i say coldly. "jongho deserves whats coming to him."

san's eyes trail behind me and he suddenly stands up. when i whirl around to check, jongho is creeping up on me slowly, looking like he has a stick pressed up his ass.

"where's my camera?" he asks, giving san an annoyed look. "do you have it?"

i force a laugh and step infront of jongho as he tries to approach san. "im sorry? you owe me a fucking explanation."

jongho groans and looks down at me with disdain. "i change my mind. i dont owe you anything."

"what?" san asks harshly. there's an edge in his voice that makes jongho cautiously step back.

"why should i explain myself to you people?" he asks defensively, like a cornered animal. "she was my best friend. its natural that i have pictures of her. she was everything to me."

this fucking guy.

"pictures where she doesnt even know you're there? thats natural?" san scoffs. im gritting my teeth as my hands start to warm and twitch.

jongho lets out a dry laugh and rolls his eyes arrogantly. "shut up and give me my camera back you pauper."

"is it natural to have pictures of me too?" i bring up harshly, making jongho pause and look at me.

its the worlds most awkward eye contact. he doesnt look ashamed. theres nothing behind his eyes.

"i was going through a phase. it was grief," he says emptily. "just give me my camera back and we can act like this never happened."

"you really think its going to be that easy?" i laugh humorlessly. hes so used to getting his way.

jongho sighs irritably like this is some inconvenience, like getting the wrong order at a restaurant. "what the hell do you want, yaera? i explained to you, didnt i? i said it was grief."

"you didnt explain shit!" i burst. "and bullshit! you call this grief? you stalked yasmine while she was still fucking alive. you stalked her before she went missing. whats to stop me from taking this to the police right now to fuck you over?"

"no–" jongho suddenly steps forward, grabbing my wrists and tightening his fists around them. i stare at him in disbelief. san gets in the middle quickly and shoves him hard, making him stumble back and fall onto the grass.

jongho looks up deranged, like an even bigger drug addict than yeosang. "you cant take that to police!" he screams. "you cant. i wont let you. its all i have left of her."

"how do we know you didnt harm her sister?" san snaps. "you're clearly a sick fuck."

"i would have never harmed yasmine!" jongho shouts furiously. "she was my best friend dont you ever utter bullshit like that again!"

"yet you stalked her?"

"i was at the party the night she went missing, you idiots!" jongho gets up, practically heaving with rage. his dark eyes dart to me. "dont you remember, yae? i was fucking cleared before anyone else. i called your parents to ask if yasmine ever made it home. what the fuck are you accusing me of here?"

"i just want to know why you stalked her while she was still alive and kicking!" i burst out in frustration. "why did you stalk me too? what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"because..." he groans and starts to grip his hair hopelessly. "i just wanted to feel like i still had her."

san and i turn to look at each other, neither of us having any idea of what that meant.

"she was slipping away from me," he admits pathetically. "she was seeing someone. she wouldnt even tell me who, but he was better. richer. older too. i just wanted to pretend like she was mine. so i followed her. i followed her when she met him. i took pictures of them together. and then the one time i didnt follow her...she went missing and..."

an empty ache settles in my chest and i dont even have the words to describe how i feel. i dont know how im supposed to feel.

"and yaera?" san presses on. "why did you stalk her?"

jongho lifts his head to look me dead in the eyes, a distant gaze of regret and resentment buried deep inside. "a failed experiment. i tried to gain some control over my life again. i wanted to pretend like she was still here. like she was still around. so i followed you and–"

he doesnt get to finish that because i drive my fist into his jaw, knocking him back a few steps. jongho holds his jaw as san grabs my wrist and pulls me away, turning my body away from jongho.

i quickly shove him off me, not even bothering to enjoy the contact. it feels like my head is going to explode from all the rage clogging up inside. i cant believe this.

"you're such a fucking loser, jongho," i say with a bitter laugh. "and so very pathetic. yasmine died so you stalked me and pretended i was her? as if you didnt compare us enough when she was still alive. you're a sick, pathetic fuck!"

"you're the one who wanted to know so badly," he mocks me. "do you want to know why i stopped? because i realized you would never be her. or come close."

i stare at him in disbelief. "it must suck doesnt it? to know that even in death she surpasses you."

i hate him. i hate that he weaponises her death to trigger me. i hate that he keeps trying to enforce a rivalry with someone i love, who i will literally never see again. i hate him so much.

"hey thats enough. are there more pictures?" san asks him coldly. "are these your only ones?"

he hesitates before shaking his head. san scoffs.

"so if we came to your house and checked, there wouldnt be any more pictures?"

"you're not coming to my house!" jongho huffs.

"except we are. or else everyones going to find out how mental you are," san threatens. "we know you have more pictures. youre going to give us all of them. and i'll.make sure they get wiped."

"why are you doing this?!" jongho screams hopelessly, looking at san. there are tears in his eyes. this fucker has the nerve to cry. "you wont gain anything from this, you know? you're just–"

"get therapy, jongho." i interrupt him, accepting his anger.

"arent you the one who tried to kill herself?"

"thats enough!" san yells above both of us, grabbing my hand and glaring at jongho. "we'll see you after school."

we leave him on the field to stress and wallow in his own hatred, his eyes never straying from us until we're out of reach.

***

San

the fact that my future could have been ruined at just the beginning of the school day fills me with a sudden hatred i didnt even know i had in me. i never paid attention to anyone at this school, never had any friends because the rich and entitled pricks that floated in the halls of mountain creek legitimately drove me insane.

its happening again.

its lunch and all i can think of is pounding that asshole jongho's face in. i know its not smart though, so i hold myself together. i'll wait till i have enough leverage over him, then, i'll put a crack into his skull.

i text wooyoung about it while im on my way to my eating spot. hes excited to beat the shit out of someone again, and i know im not supposed to encourage his violent tendencies, but this time i would. wooyoung can be a loose cannon, hes still in so much trouble for what he pulled with the black dragons. but that enthusiasm is exactly what i need tonight.

the kind that makes rich creeps like choi jongho pay.

as im picturing his stupid face getting pummeled, something slams into my shoulder. or rather, a LOT of somethings.

im knocked into the metal of the lockers, my backpack sliding off my shoulders and my phone crashing to the floor. i hear the screen cracking further, which drives me insane. what the fuck. i dont have time to get a new phone.

i look up at the culprits and feel my blood boil.

players from the soccer team. they're all watching me with disgusted faces, all sporting their black and gold jerseys. fucking jocks. i always hated them.

"watch where you're going, guttercrust!" one of them yells at me. great, another slur for poor people. these assholes always have a bunch on hand.

i dont say anything. i dont want trouble. i just want to get to eat before this break ends. i reach down to pick up my bag and phone, but both are snatched out of my grip before i can graze them. my phone is kicked across the hall, and my bag is lifted over one of the soccer players heads, sending all my books tumbling out and onto the floor.

"what the hell!" i snap, grabbing my now empty bag from the guy's hands. they all cackle together, sounding like a choir of farm animals.

"thats only a fucking fraction of what we'll do to you," one of them says. "we know you took those stuff from the boys lockerroom. jongho wouldnt lie."

"yeah, maybe you wouldnt need to steal if you went to a school that fits your tax bracket." another adds and they all burst out laughing again.

i can beat the shit out of them. every single one of them. maybe even kill them. maybe i should just use Miss A and ask her for a favour for myself for once. maybe then–

"hey hey hey, leave my boy lazarus alone whats going on here?" a voice interjects. i sigh and turn around, that horrid nickname coming from the one and only...

"yeosang-uh...we were just..."

yeosang wraps his arm around my shoulders and i look down at his short frame awkwardly. he smiles up at me, then at the soccer douchebags. what the hell is happening.

"you werent bullying my boy choi san were you, mingyu?" yeosang asks, his smile suddenly falling. "cause you know i dont like that shit."

"relax man," the guy named mingyu says, visibly tense now. "we were just playing around."

"really? not cool man. not cool," yeosang sighs. "if this is what you call playing around, dont bring this shit anywhere near my party, alright? you get me?"

mingyu nods awkwardly and beckons his flock of soccer assholes to follow him as they leave. but before he goes, yeosang whistles aggressively.

"hold on, boys! put my boy lazarus's belongings in the state you found them."

i cant believe my eyes. i dont know what sick social contract exists in this school, but yeosang actually manages to get the soccer players to reverse back and pick up my phone and scattered books. they hand everything back to me in a neat fashion, awkwardly nodding to me as they leave.

"theres no way you're that popular." i scoff to myself, pulling away from being yeosang's arm rest. i face him awkwardly. "thanks, i guess. but what do you want?"

he blinks at me, feigning offense. "what do you mean, lazarus? i did that out of the goodness of my heart!"

i force a knowing smile. "you want more rosies?"

"well now that you mention it im kind of unhappy with your customer service," yeosang suddenly glares. "you didnt check your messages again. i asked you to bring me two more bags."

why the fuck is he going through these bags so quickly? "yeosang how many times do i have to tell you–"

"i dont need you to tell me anything, lazarus. im the fucking customer and i lay your bills. you should be grateful i even put up with this, sunwoo never did this to me. he would bring me what i want whenever i wanted."

i cant believe what im hearing. this idiot doesnt care for anyone but himself, which i know shouldnt be surprising. hes addicted to drugs and hes a rich boy, but still.

"i gave you four bags not too long ago, just yesterday actually," i remind him bitterly.

he leans forward and shoves his pointed finger into my chest. "and im telling you. i want. more whenever i ask. when you come to my party tomorrow, i expect you to be my righthand fucking man. dont show up unless you have what i want, and if you behave you can even bring marino as your plus one."

he laughs at the end, that usual, arrogant laugh that comes with knowing you couldnt face the consequences of your actions even if they were right infront of you.

yeosang's mention of yaera reminded me of how he treated her and i cant help but remember what he did at yunhos club so many months ago. this guy is a piece of shit. im not any better, but ive definetely been too friendly.

he doesnt respect my boundaries no matter how much ive asserted. customer is always right? i think the fuck not.

"whoa, lazarus!" yeosang dramatically says. "why are you looking at me like you wanna kill my ass? did i say something wrong?"

"you remember yunho?" i question. my fist is tight beside me. one more provoking word out him and hes done for.

"yeah? friend of my old pal sunwoo? the club owner right? what about him?"

"hes missing," i say. yeosang frowns in confusion. as if he doesnt know what that has to do with him.

"damn i didnt realize i was supposed to care?" yeosang rubs the back of his head. "you guys are going through some shit, huh? havent heard from sunwoo in four months either. why you telling me this? i didnt know the guy."

"be careful, yeosang. behave at this party of yours."

i sling my backpack over my shoulders and walk away, leaving yeosang with his mouth hanging agape. "what the fuck, lazarus? did you just threaten me?" he yells after me. "i just helped you, asshole!"

when i get to the stairwell, yaera is already there waiting for me. god im tired. i just want to sit in silence and eat. i slump down on the floor and lean my head against the wall.

"what the hell happened to you?" she asks, looking me up and down.

imagine admitting to getting bullied. at eighteen years old. im almost nineteen for fucks sake. i dont answer her because i dont feel like it.

yaera sighs. "well then. i get it. this day isnt a complete fuck up tho. i got a buyer."

i hear money calling. she suddenly has my full attention. "for the rosies?"

"nope, not yet," she lifts her phone for me to see. my glasses arent on so i dont know what im looking at. "for the watch. i got paid a shipping fee and everything, some dude in india really wants it bad."

i nod, kind of impressed. "wow, that was quick."

"the transaction isnt complete yet, but the money will be in by this weekend. we can split the cash then."

"good job."

shes kind of efficient. i guess she has really done most of the things she told me she would do. now all i need are the results. im gonna start drawing up how much money has been coming in. i still have the black dragons cash wooyoung and i split.

i should give yaera her share.

"hey, before we go to yeosang's party tomorrow, come by my apartment," i tell her. "i have something for you."

she smirks. "are we finally getting to third base? we havent even been to first."

"what?" i cough on my own spit. my cheeks are flaming. "uh no. ugh. just...wait till you get there. but it isnt that."

"damn, you really love turning into a stuttering mess when im around, huh?" she teases. "must be my natural charm."

"charm?" i scoff, not really having a comeback for that. i go embarrassingly silent after as she waits for me to elaborate. fuck it.

"your phones ringing." she innocently points out after. i look down and see wooyoung calling me.

"woo?" i answer, sighing. wooyoung is a man who never listens.

"yeah yeah yeah!" he instantly screams into my ear, making me wince and pull the phone away. i put him on speaker and dial the volume very low so i can hear him on a normal level.

"i know you said not to call you at school but i dont really wanna hear from you either, alright?" he says, making me chuckle against my will. "Miss A got a job for us tonight. we gotta go to the night market in the old town. get some protection money outta them."

"can i come too?" yaera asks excitedly. i glare at her and shake my head before answering wooyoung.

"is that it?"

"yeah, then we take everything to changbin, he'll give everything to Miss A."

"can you do that for the both of us?" i ask him. "you got nothing going on right?"

"no way man! i already faced him by myself after what happened with yunho. he wanted proof we changed the license plate!" wooyoung says, sounding stressed. "and he's been keeping up with the news since the club. apparently the cops caught us on camera from a distant alley, but they cant recognize us."

my blood runs cold at wooyoungs words. that night was the riskiest thing to ever happen to us. everything was reckless from the beginning. the thought of my future disappearing freezes me up. it flashes before my eyes before i get a grip.

"okay, i'll go with you," i say with difficulty. "but you'll still pick me up from school right? you know what you promised."

my eyes drift up toward yaera. shes watching me curiously, not being very subtle about listening in.

"yeah yeah, you little baby. we'll go beat the shit out of that stalker for your little blackmailer."

i can hear the eyeroll in wooyoung's tone. i quickly hang up but yaera chuckles to herself, having already heard it all.

"i cant leave school with you guys, just fyi," she says. "you know my parents are picking me up. i can just go to jongho's house on my own, he only lives fifteen minutes away from me."

i nod, thinking to myself. the two of them really hate each other. i know why, but everytime they interact i feel like it goes deeper than what yaera's told me.

before i can ask, the bell rings and i havent even touched my food yet. yaera frowns and pouts.

"do you wanna skip class? we have evans next period."

"i dont skip class and i wont start now," i tell her. she rolls her eyes. "and neither will you. im not tutoring you just so you can fail again. you're coming with me to class."

she seems to take my words as a challenge. "and if i say no?"

i shrug. "then i dont tutor you. i dont like wasting my time."

yaera stares at me, a smile forming on her face. it looks devious but sincere at the same time. and like always im left speechless and awkward. at this point im convinced she does it on purpose.

"okay. lets go to class then."

***

yaera

“where are you going?” 

my father’s voice startles me as im halfway out the foyer, backpack on my shoulder and ready to leave. i didnt even hear him come in, ive been alone all afternoon, the empty house something im already used to. hes watching me over the rim of his glasses, a magazine in hand. 

“oh hi. when did you get home?” i ask. 

“half n hour ago. now answer me, where are you going?”

“to jongho’s house.”

“alright, I’ll take you.” he begins to stand up and i groan in annoyance. 

“thats not necessary. he lives 15 minutes away.”

my father stares at me blandly. “i know you’ve been sneaking out at night. i dont know why but im making sure you’re going exactly where you say you are. your mother is meeting with Santo as we speak, they are working hard on the gala. whatever you are busy with, im going to tell you once to stop.your mother does not need the extra stress, alright?”

i bite my lip and stop myself from laughing. i cant believe this. im kind of embarrassed for not being slick, but at least it was my father and not my mother. hes far easier to lie to. 

i dont say anything as we get into his car, texting san that ive run into a little inconvenience. hopefully they wait for me before shit goes down, i dont want to miss a single thing. 

the car ride with my father is empty and silent. im in the passenger and he avoids eye contact with me like a man facing medusa, something im used to after everything thats happened to our family. we have never been close, but its never been this bad. i guess its hard to face the only child you have left after neglecting them for years, knowing that most if not all of their hardships have directly been caused by you.

but no. i cant just blame them. my therapist always said that i cant control what others do, but i can control how i react to their actions. me wanting to get far as fuck away from them feels like having all the control in the world.

“how long are you planning to stay at jongho’s?” he breaks his silence. 

“a long while. you dont have to wait for me.”

he nods curtly. “i didnt realize the two of you still spoke to one another.”

as if he knows anything thats going on with me lately. i dont answer him.

“have you been sneaking off to see him?”

the question makes me frown, disgust pooling in my stomach. i would have probably gotten butterflies just thinking of that, but right now all i feel is sick. then i think this is the perfect opportunity to guilt trip him. 

“no, ive just been going out for walks by myself. i cant sleep nowadays,” i mutter. “ive been thinking of her a lot. i know you probably think im out drinking or getting into trouble, but all i really do is sit on a park bench and think of what it would be like if she was here right now.”

silence. empty, cold silence. my father has stopped infront of jongho’s house, his eyes ghostily staring at his steering wheel.

i dont feel bad for hurting him. i had to get used to him being physically there and yet being far away. i had to get used to saying five sentences a week to him. i had to get used to him never hearing me out when he was at my mothers side, i had to watch him slip away while he was right infront of me. ill hurt him however i can. just so he can feel something, or anything when he looks at me. anything but empty.

“dont sneak out anymore.” he tells me after five minutes of just sitting there. eyes still on the wheel. “or let me take you where you want to go. if something happens to you too, your mother will be very upset.”

“okay. bye papa.”

“bye.”

i get up and out of the car. as my father pulls away and disappears down the street, a black van comes around the other corner, stopping infront of me. its the same one san got into when he chased down yunho. when the window rolls down, i come face to face with wooyoung and his massive black sunglasses.

“youre lucky you have someone like san around, sweetheart! you did nothing to earn bodyguard services.” he yells, and i hear san punch him in the shoulder. “ouch! what did you do that for?!”

“i told you he tried to get me in trouble!” san grits through his teeth.

“yeah, because you were involved with her! this guy hasn’t once looked your way before!” 

“you dont have to be here if you dont want to,” i say with an insincere smile. wooyoung gets out and rolls his eyes at me.

“yeah right, as if im letting you drag san into your shit alone. wheres this bozo stalker you speak of?”

i turn around and see jongho’s room light on. we still have his camera, so he’ll have to come out. i start to ring his phone, and he answers on the first ring.

“we’re out front.” i say and immediately hang up so he feels the urgency. 

he doesnt come out. his iron wrought fence buzzes open for us to go inside, and he's waiting on his veranda.

"this is the guy?" wooyoung scoffs. "whys he a creep? hes attractive as fuck."

san and i both give him side-eyes as we approach jongho. his eyes are low as he holds the door open for us.

"did you bring my camera?" he asks, his shoulders stiff and tense.

"uh uh uh, wheres the rest of the pictures?" i ask. jongho glares at me.

"i...have it. i have it, just do you have the camera?"

i nod silently, walking into his house. wooyoung and san follow behind me, with both of them staring wide-eyed at jongho's massive house. its all dark inside, with only certain rooms lit up. just like i know him,living like a fucking vampire most of the time. maybe thats why hes so weird.

"the pictures...they're up in my room." he says.

"why are you slurring?" i ask, leading the brigade. "you still feeling the effects of getting the sense knocked into you?"

wooyoung loudly sniffs him. "nah, this guys been drinking. he smells like fucking hand sanitizer."

i push open his room door and find the place empty. its been so long since ive stepped foot in here. things happened against the lack of my better judgment. even when i knew it wouldnt end well, i always ended up coming back.

im lost in it for a moment, remembering why im here. "where are the pictures?" i turn around as something loudly creaks.

im staring into the mouth of the gun, with jongho pointing it right at me. i forget to breathe on the spot.

"give me back my camera," he seethes "and then get the fuck out of my house."

"you wouldnt kill me, youre too much of a pussy," i grit out at him, albeit terrified. "you stole your dad's gun just to get back your creepy stalker pictures? thats rich."

"yaera, shut up. jongho,put the gun down," san says, him and wooyoung frozen on the sides of him. "what do you think youre doing?"

"you think im kidding?" he snaps. "i want my shit back! you had no right to fucking take it!"

san starts to take off his backpack. "dont fucking give it back!" i scream. "hes bluffing, cant you see that?"

"shut up, yaera," san mutters, infuriating me. he takes the camera out to my disbelief, actually moving to give it to jongho.

just as san puts it in jongho's hand, wooyoung comes from the side and rips the gun from his other hand. he shoves jongho into his wall, the camera falling to the ground. i lunge to pick it up and immediately run to the other side of his room.

jongho lets out a frustrated scream. "you fucking assholes!"

wooyoung laughs mockingly as he looks at the barrel of the gun. "would you look at that? its empty."

"pointing a gun with no bullets, arent you embarrassed?" i sneer. "i knew you were just bluffing."

"now where are the actual pictures?" san asks coldly. jongho looks up at him hatefully, refusing to answer. a second later, wooyoung runs full speed at jongho, kicking him hard in the chest. jongho falls to his knees, and san rips his hair back, making him wheeze out in pain.

"tell me. i wont ask again," san demands. wooyoung is excitedly waiting on the side for no answer again, just so he can slam the end of the gun into jongho's temple. he hits his floor head first, coughing hazardously.

at first it feels good to watch him suffer. to see him in genuine pain. then i realize what we're doing. its getting us nowhere. we're just beating him up, but he still has everything we need.

wooyoung is pounding his fist onto jongho and only when i get near does he stop. "no more games," i say and bend infront him, his bruised face leaking with blood. "give it up, jongho. or would you rather i take this camera to the police?"

he raises his hand and points to his bed before weakly choking out, "under it."

san goes to get it, struggling to lift the heavy bed along with wooyoung. underneath it they find a file, it looks like an ordinary photography file as san flips through it. but then the photos get more sinister. dark figures appear on different occassions. only silhouettes of what once was.

"what is this?" wooyoung groans. "you cant see shit in these."

"leave it to ningning," san says, taking the file and shoving it into his backpack. he tosses the camera onto jongho's bed, and jongho hopelessly stares at it as warm tears spill down his eyes.

i dont know why im queasy. he did something wrong. he is in the wrong and yet i feel so empty looking at him.

"we took your memory card, so dont even try to get those pictures back," i tell him. he doesnt react. im about to get up when he grabs my hand and pulls me down.

"you took the only part of her i had left," he says weakly, but his eyes are angry. "fuck you, yaera."

i roll my hand out of his, disgusted and annoyed all at once. san comes and takes my arm and we leave jongho to seethe on the floor with his injuries.

my stomach is in knots all the way out, especially when its time for us to part ways. i know san has places to be and things to do tonight, but i cant help but feel insanely grateful for what hes done.

he didnt need to beat the shit out of jongho. he didnt need to come here. but he did.

"i'll get these checked out by that contact i told you about," san tells me while we stand on the pavement. "she'll be able to get you everything, time, date, where these pictures were taken."

"i want to come with you," i say. wooyoung gives san a silent but obvious look, clearly thinking its a bad idea.

san is hesitant. "are you sure?"

i nod. "i wanna see first hand. i'll behave i promise."

"okay. fine, we can go together then."

wooyoung loudly sighs. "okay this was fun, but we have somewhere to be, remember san?"

"oh...yeah." san awkwardly looks down at me and gives me another nod. "goodnight, yaera."

"thank you...for tonight," i say, kind of embarrassed. i dont know why. it always ends this way. hes so many different people in one day. but it always ends with this. i feel like we should hug but hes so extra distant with wooyoung around.

i hesitate to call my father, wanting to wait till they leave because i know he'll be here in a flash. san and wooyoung get into their van and speed off into the night, leaving me alone.

***

SAN

"i feel like you already know this is a bad idea, but youre still doing it, so let me pick your brain, choi san. what the fuck is going on inside your head?"

i sigh, not in the mood for this. i keep looking at jongho's photography file and his ominous photos from following yaera's twin and her lover. i wanted to ask him where he followed them to but i doubt jongho's saying a word of anything anymore now that he has nothing left to give us.

"earth to san???" woo starts clicking his fingers beside my ear. i glare at him and shove at his shoulder.

"eyes on the road asshole," i remind him.

"answer my questions," he demands. "what exactly do you plan to do with those weird ass pictures?"

"i'll take it to mao's granddaughter then–"

"AND WHAT do you hope to achieve?" he interrupts me. i stare at him flatly.

"what do you mean?" i ask in annoyance.

"okay so ningning tells you who the guy in the photos are and where these pictures were taken, best case scenario. i wanna know what the fuck it has to do with you san."

"her sister was MURDERED, woo," i say exasperatedly. "and no one has been arrested. no ones probably seen these photos before. this could be her sisters murderer right in these blurry shots."

"yeah but what does it have to do with you?" woo insists, giving me a deadpan look. "i thought you two were just using each other, so why are you doing all this for someone who blackmailed you into shit?"

i dont answer. why should i answer? now im just annoyed.

"fine, be angry at me," woo says with a sigh and cranks up the radio. "but just remember, youre getting way too involved. you wouldnt walk the dog of your evil business partner, so you shouldnt care about shit that doesnt benefit you."

"jongho almost got me expelled!" i remind him. woo doesnt react to my raised voice to my disappointment. "and why did you help me if you were just going to be annoying about it? i could have beat him myself."

"i HELPED because of YOU, idiot. and sure jongho almost got you expelled but thats not why you were so worked up, huh?"

i stay quiet out of irritation. i know woo's just gonna accuse me of shit and he already thinks hes right so theres no point in arguing.

"you're not doing yourself any favours, sannie, just remember that. its better to keep your distance and make sure you get your cut."

we arrive at the night market at the old town, the smell of fish and the cold ocean wind hits us hard as soon as we step out of the van. our masks are on, our beanies too. to these people, we're just walking pairs of eyes demanding money in the name of Miss A.

we go to different street vendors, collecting her 'tax'. wooyoung does most of the talking because he likes the theatrics.

"collecting for Miss A," he dramatically deepens his voice, leaning half over the peoples stalls when he does.

when the people respond its not the end of the month yet, wooyoung reminds them of an age old gang war that no one cares about anymore, that killed ten street vendors and asks if they want to end up the same. if not, they have to pay the protection money to stay protected.

"you're a sick fuck, you know that?" i tell him as we walk through the lit pathways. the place is lively, with people shouting sales and prices right in your place as you walk.

"what? im just saying what changbin told us to say!" he defends. i roll my eyes.

"you enjoy that a little too much. plus youre only supposed to say the collector line, not intimidate them!"

"says the guy who just came from.intimidating someone for a girl!" wooyoung fires back and i put out my leg to trip him. he jumps over it and flips me off as we exit the market.

we take a route through the dark alleys, as it keeps us out of any police view. they normally roam the market because of light weight brawls in the street, but recently they've been catching on to gang presence in the middle of it all.

i cant wait to graduate. i wont be here for when this all goes to shit.

as woo and i walk through the alleys on the way back to the car, we hear a faint rumble in the air. i stop in my tracks and turn around as woo continues strolling, acting like he isnt carrying extortion money on his person.

a black cars headlights shine on us, so bright i cant see the people in the front. its a sleek black mustang. where the fuck did it come from????

woo stops once he realizes im not next to him anymore. "hey what the?"

the cars lights stay on us, making my stomach clench. suddenly it jerks forward, rolling right toward us.

"oh fuck!" woo screams and we both break into a run. the car is fucking speeding on us down the alley and if we arent fast enough we'll be smashed into the wall or dragged under it. theres a sharp bend and we take it, but the car makes the sharp turn as well, still on our heels.

"ITS STILL CHASING US!" woo screams. its literally a few feet away from crushing us. i spot a fence at the end of the alley and i clench my fist as i run for it, bracing myself.

"woo, JUMP!" i tell him just as i vault myself at the fence, holding on for dear life. woo jumps just as the car crashes into the fence, not making it but landing on the hood of the mustang. he screams and collects himself and quickly joins me in climbing it, the two of us making it to the other side in a few panicked seconds.

we turn around and look at the mustang in disbelief. it reverses back without anyone getting out, disappearing right back around the bend.

woo and i look at each other, hes pale. i know im pale. my heart is racing. we just ran for our lives. whoever was behind that wheel just tried to kill us.

"did we just...almost die?"

A/N: IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE SO LONG AND THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY ALL OVER THE PLACE 😭 I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME

also you guys should let me know if you want me to tag you for when new chapters come out. i also started uploading on wattpad. @amphibianblood if you prefer to read on there. warning tho, the story is behind on there 😭.

NEXT CHAPTER

[thelightsandtheroses]

Theories? Ideas? Triple frontier?? Spill the tea babe

Thank you so much for the ask, lovely! Ah, Triple Frontier - I actually rewatched the film twice recently when I was travelling as my film for the flight. I just genuinely adore Frankie Morales and I really want to write something for him. I apologise in advance if this answer is way too long!

My fic idea for Frankie: I really want to play with some tropes I love but haven’t written before. I’ve already seen some done brilliantly in this fandom (e.g. brother’s best friend) so I want to leave those for now as I’m not sure my idea would add anything new to that trope but there are some fun ones to still explore.

I am a big fan of he falls first and friends to lovers, both of which I think are quite Frankie Morales in general.

The idea I’m currently playing with is post film, with Frankie in the position of kind of part way through getting himself together again; he’s single, trying to get more visitation with his kid, is finally trying to stop couch surfing and get his licence back so he’s not entirely at rock bottom but he’s not where he wants to be. He meets the reader, though I’m still deciding if I want to make them an ofc as writing as the reader is newer to me and feels slightly less natural but then practice might help! My current ideas is to have the Reader coming in as the friend of Benny’s new girlfriend (or possibly some other way I’m still ironing that out) who hasn’t been in Florida long and ends up becoming good friends with the boys. The other idea I have for this which I’m leaning more towards is she’s linked to Tom somehow - because while I am not a fan of Tom it could be super interesting to use this to explore life after the film too for the boys and her finding out more about what happened. Like maybe she’s his niece or sister who has moved back to Florida? Anyway, the Reader has her own past she’s working through, and the two of them connect but neither of them realise at first the other likes the other that way so they’re both hiding their feelings and trying to get themselves to a version of themselves they think will be more ready for the other, not realising where they are. Hopefully it will be better and less vague than it sounds writing it down here. I also have a bodyguard au idea for him but I’ve never written a plot like that so I’m a little nervous.

My general Frankie head-canons and theories

I feel like the movie just broke him systematically over an hour and half so I kind of want to write something that’s about him putting himself back together again. Also I think he was done with Pope’s scheme before he even got on the plane. He did it for loyalty over anything else.

Also I think as much as we’re told about his loyalty and friendship with Pope, some of that to me read as more of the actors’ friendship coming through than just the script. Maybe it’s me, so I’m interested to see how I could explore that friendship more in the wake of the film, like Pope looks pretty worried about Frankie at the end but is also talking about going to Australia.

I have a whole playlist I’ve been building for Frankie and writing him/the idea I mentioned. There’s a fair bit of Taylor Swift (like all my playlists) but also I have some 90s there, some Fleetwood Mac (Frankie loves Fleetwood Mac, I’m sure of it) and also a song called Sometimes by Gerry Cinnamon which felt quite Frankie to me.

Other ideas: I’ve been playing with a couple of ideas for some Joel Miller fics too - more one shots, one idea I have is about bonding over music and the other is a Jackson era idea

Thank you so much for the ask and hopefully I haven’t rambled too much

[jakka-ningen]

Hideaki Anno in Reality, an Illusion

The other day, the Youtube algorithm supplied me with this amazing short film of Hideaki Anno's. It features him at a telephone club, talking with several women.

The first caller gives him some life advice. The second talks to him about his own work and agrees to meet with him later. The last call is a reprise of the first, in which Anno is unable to think of anything to say and ends the call early.

The way the last call is a reprise of the first reminds me heavily of the Eva Rebuilds, and, in any case, I think the message of the short film itself is brilliant, so I'd like to talk about it a bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTR0rRkrF8s

(Please don't be put off by the video title. Anno doesn't seem to have titled it that way himself.)

This short film is amazing to me for a number of reasons.

To start with, I want to briefly explain where Anno is filming from. Telephone clubs, which were prominent in Japan in the 80s and 90s, were basically like phone speed dating. Men would pay to enter these small booths with a phone. The phone would ring, and the woman on the other end would chat with their customer before deciding if they wanted to meet up somewhere later.

The extent to which they were used for prostitution is unknown—at the very least, there was plausible deniability on the part of the telephone club owners. And, importantly, the women made the choice of who to meet with and whether to meet at all.

The uploader and the commenters on Youtube are all playing along with the conceit that this is a candidly shot real event which actually happened exactly like this. Anno happened to decide to film this footage, and events happened to play out in this way. A woman just so happened to naturally bring up Evangelion to its director without knowing the identity of the person on the other end of the phone. However, there's no chance that this is actually the case.

Because of the grey space telephone clubs operate in terms of whether or not they could be considered brothels, and to protect the women who call their phone lines, I highly doubt there were any telephone clubs that would allow recording equipment to be openly used in their booths. This is a scripted short.

That's one layer of illusion—the illusion that this is candidly shot footage.

The second layer of illusion is the setting itself. Telephone clubs promote illusionary closeness between the patrons and the callers.

The third layer of illusion is the world of anime production, which Anno speaks about with the second woman on the phone. Making anime is about selling illusions to viewers.

The purpose of all of these illusions is to talk about reality in a way that would be difficult to do directly. The first caller, within the structure of illusionary camaraderie, is able to speak to Anno like he's her friend. "You should put your books away and air out your futon once a week." It's common sense advice, but it's not how you'd counsel a stranger. Normally, if told something like, "I live in this really unsustainable way in my home life," the correct response when you're not very close is to kind of shrug that off, rather than give real advice.

The home life Anno is talking about is reality. The illusion is the gateway to confront that reality.

The second caller talks about Evangelion. Anno describes the difficulty in coming in to work, knowing that he's made something that's good and successful and pretty close to his heart, and work on other things while knowing that he's not going to capture that same level of success with every project. The woman reassures him that society doesn't expect us to give our best output every day. Sometimes it's okay to just show up and do what we're capable of doing at any given time.

She asks if Anno wants to meet up, and they make plans to do so. He leaves the telephone club, the illusionary world, to wait to meet with her in the outside world of reality. We see him waiting, but we never see them actually meet.

The final call seems to be with the same woman he spoke with in the beginning. He says that it's his first time at one of these places, but he can't think of anything to say, and they end the call instead of trying to have a conversation.

If we take the sequence of events literally, he's lying about it being the first time he's come to one of these places. But what if he's not lying?

What if this sequence of illusions is three branching paths of an imagined event? Anno never went to a telephone club at all, but imagined three ways events might go if he were to do such a thing. Another illusion.

I think the most interesting thing in this short is that we see him waiting in "reality," but don't see a real interaction with another person outside of "illusion." As a creator of illusions, Anno can't show us reality. The most he can do is give us a representation of something that's deeply real on a personal level and hope that we can take something of that out into our own realities.

The most a creator can do is hope that their work sparks something within the viewer, which then becomes a part of the reality of their world. That's what I got from this short film.

At the end of the final Rebuild film, the characters meet up in a train station, ready to set out to various destinations. The camera pans out, and the footage shifts from animation to live footage. We have left the illusion and are ready to go out into reality.

What reality are you living, and did you bring anything from the anime you watched in your youth with you?

As for me, the first time I realized I didn't have to follow the adults' orders, the first time I realized I could make decisions for myself, the first time I realized that my self-concept didn't need to match what others thought of me, the first time I gained the courage to say that I didn't want to do what others wanted from me—those times were all times that Evangelion was there with me in my reality.

This short made me think all of those things. Maybe it's just that I'm getting older and more nostalgic and sentimental, but I think that Anno's three level illusion is a great way to inspire us in reality. We don't really need to do that much. Society doesn't expect us to constantly be at our best. But it's good if we can find the strength to put our books away and air out the futon once a week.

[himboarcher]

reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:

they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)

it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)

they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)

they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)

vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:

the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.

clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)

on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.

okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.

little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.

the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.

too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"

that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....

also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.

the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.

related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.

rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.

less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.

there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?

we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?

travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.

and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.

also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[tcm]

My Time with Doris Day: An Interview with Mary Anne Barothy By Constance Cherise

In 2012, Robert Osborne interviewed a spry 90-year-old, Doris Day. He, of course, asked all the correct questions a true Day fan would be curious about: when she realized she could sing, how her career in film began and did she consider her serendipitous life to be destiny. A vibrant and gracious Day revealed that she wasn’t nervous when it came to performing, and if you have seen her first film ROMANCE ON THE HIGH SEAS (‘48), her organic ease fits like the exact correct puzzle piece. 

Although she passed almost two years ago, fans the world over still celebrate her iconic status. One of those fans is a public speaker on all things Doris, author of Day at a Time: An Indiana Girl's Sentimental Journey to Doris Day's Hollywood and Beyond, Mary Anne Barothy. Her fortune ironically played out like a classic Hollywood script, much like the beginnings of Day’s career. A devotee of Day since childhood, threads of fate connected and Barothy would find herself rubbing shoulders with Hollywood's elite, astonishingly becoming Day’s live-in secretary, maintaining an active friendship from 1967-1974. 

What was a typical day with Doris like?

Mary Anne Barothy: I lived with Doris in her Beverly Hills home after her TV show [The Doris Day Show] filming ended - December 1972 and ran through June of 1973 on CBS. Her bedroom was just opposite mine in the back. Mine was the front bedroom. She slept with seven of her dogs, and I slept with the other four – Bobo, Charlie, Rudy and Schatzie. She would get up and come into the kitchen where I often fixed her breakfast. Doris loved her dogs and spent time playing with them both indoors and out. Many days she would get ready and bike down to Nate 'N Al's Deli for a late breakfast and many times would meet someone, or we would go together for breakfast. Doris loved her fans, and she was very good about answering her fan mail. 

As you know, her passion was animal welfare and she kept up with Actors & Others for Animals and frequently attended board meetings. I went with her and was also a proud member of Actors & Others for Animals. In the summer she would swim in her pool on occasion. She would call friends and once in a while meet someone for lunch or dinner. After dinner, sometimes we would sit in one section of her living room and watch the news. Doris was very down to earth; as I said, she was like a big sister to me. To me, this was an incredible dream come true! It is still hard to believe that I had this awesome opportunity to spend precious time with my idol, Doris Day!

The designer Irene dressed her in high fashion. Did she have a favorite costume/gown?

MB: She never spoke about that, but she looked good in a bathrobe. She just had a way of radiating, looking beautiful no matter what she had on. She always said CALAMITY JANE [‘53] was her favorite movie because she was kind of a tomboy. She never came across that way except for in movies, but she liked to be comfortable. She would ride her bike with shorts on and look very casual and comfortable. I always told her she could put on a paper bag and look good! 

Now that she's passed, what would she want the world to know about her if anything?

MB: She was a down to earth person and I think some people think celebrity is high and mighty because they are in the movies, and I'd say a religious person without talking about church all the time. She had a passion for animal welfare and that was very important to her and she'd been that way apparently since she was a young person. She just enjoyed life and her friends. She wasn't one for “I've got to be seen here and I've got to do this.” Her work was her work, she'd go to the studio to do what she had to do and that was it. 

Your book recounts so many extraordinary memories including that of a conversation with Elvis. If you had to choose one pinch-me moment, what would it be?

MB: When Doris called me and asked me to come work with her. The Christmas she invited me to stay. The fact that she trusted me was so special.

What was it like waking up in your idol’s home walking outside of your room and thinking I live here now?

MB: It was surreal because I wasn't just staying a night or two, I’m staying here to the fact that I changed my address over. It was all like a movie. Here I am, actually living with her! It was meant to be. She was like a big sister. She made me feel welcome.

Do you have any memorabilia? 

MB: I have some clothes she gave me. My favorite one is the hat she wore when she met me. She gave it to me and then another hat from a movie, a skirt, and top from THE GLASS BOTTOM BOAT [1966]. She gave me a ring and an autographed Christian Science book, and that is special. I’ve got many letters and cards she gave me over the years. (Barothy reads a card) “Thanks for doing your own Christmas shopping. I love you Mairzy Doats, you’re the best there is! Always, your friend Clara.” And on the other side, it says, “Merry Christmas from the kids too!” – the dogs. “Mairzy Doats,” she’d sing that once in a while. I’ve saved a lot of these things. Of course, when I do my talks, I use copies. 

What was Beverly Hills like then? 

MB: To me, Beverly Hills, when I lived with Doris Day in her home, was a much more  relaxed city, almost small townish. Doris could ride her bike from her home four blocks down to either Bailey's Bakery or the classic Beverly Hills deli, Nate N 'Al's on Beverly Drive. No paparazzi – that would never happen today. I would see Barbara Stanwyck and Fred Astaire at the Beverly Hills Post Office, saw Rosalind Russell at Ralph's grocery, and would see Loretta Young at Good Shepherd Catholic Church. People appeared to live pretty normal lives. Beverly Hills was a welcoming community and a fun place to be, especially since I was living with Doris in her home.

What would Doris think of the world today?

MB: I think Doris would be concerned about the direction we seem to be going in. Doris was a very religious person without going to church. I learned a lot from her. With people being out of work these days, I think Doris would be very concerned about the welfare of dogs and cats and all animals. As you know, she was a strong animal advocate and was one of the founders of Actors & Others for Animals. When she moved to Carmel, California, she started her own foundation, The Doris Day Animal Foundation, and animal welfare was her number one priority.

Looking back, does it seem like this all really happened to you?

MB: Yeah, it kinda seems surreal, and friends that are big Doris fans, just say, how did that happen? I just followed my dream and that is why when I give talks, I tell people to follow your dream, don't say oh I could have or I should have; if you really believe in something go for it. All I can say it was meant to be. I drove my parents crazy and drove my teachers crazy, but I got what I wanted. I never would have dreamed that all of this would happen. I mean talk about a dream come true...unreal! “It really happened, I'm not making it up, I’ve got pictures to prove it!”

What are your plans for the future?

MB: I look forward to getting back on the road again to share my “Dream Story With Doris Day” presentations. Due to the pandemic last year, I was not able to do them as people were in lock down. Now, things are opening up and I am doing Zoom but really prefer the in-person talks where I share many photos I've taken of Doris over the years, as well as scripts and other Doris Day memorabilia. It's a fun “sentimental journey.” People can contact me through my website. 

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 6 Spoilers

No really, spoilers. 

Previously on Wandavision — Wanda told SWORD to shove their drones right straight up their asses, Vision woke up to the reality that his utopian sitcom life was in fact a dystopian hellscape, their children were extremely creepy, and Agnes was being bizarre as hell and super sus. In the real world, Acting Director Dick was a dick, and Darcy and Jimmy welcomed Monica into their sciencey weird-crime-fighting team. Monica also mentioned an aerospace engineer she knows, which some suggest may be the first mention of Reed Richards in the MCU. I have conflicted feelings about the Fantastic Four. Mostly I never liked them. But, I'm open to revising my opinion.

Oh, and also X-Men 'Verse Pietro showed up suddenly and that was fun.

Anyway. the roommate and I tried to sort out a timeline — so Monica unBlips and goes back to work at SWORD three weeks later. AD Dick tells us Wanda stole Vision's body nine days previously. That means, just three weeks ago Wanda was in the middle of a battle, lost her boyfriend, was Snapped, was then unsnapped to fall right into the middle of another battle. Lost THREE additional teammates. And then sometime in the following week found out a shady government agency had Vision's body and she probably went "OH HELL NO". Because that's what I would say. So she goes to SWORD, dents a few doors, takes Vision's body and swans off to New Jersey. Look, she's been through a hell of a lot in the last couple weeks, is what I'm saying. I don't blame her a tiny bit. But, also, I don't think she's entirely behind this.

10-year old boy plus video camera = the 90s. Obnoxious opening credits. But, you know, I kind of liked them (as a one off). WAYYY better than last week's.

It's Halloween, and *sigh* Billy is breaking the fourth wall and narrating to the camera. There's childish twin bickering as you expect, Tommy's the wild and crazy twin, and Billy's the buttoned up twin. And Pietro is passed out on the couch at 4 in the afternoon. Living his best life. He teasingly scares the boys, chases them around, and there's awkward child acting.

Wanda comes down the stairs in the classic Scarlet Witch costume, and says she's a Sokovian Fortune Teller. Sokovia was more wild than I realized.

Genuinely funny flashback to Wanda and Pietro trick-or-treating in Sokovia as kids, 'the year we got typhus'. lol. Was it the fish that gave them typhus? Or was that just a special treat? Wanda doubts this version of events, and Pietro suggests she suppressed the memory due to the trauma. This gives Billy the chance to tell the camera that mom's been weird since uncle Pietro turned up to crash on their couch.

Next it's Vision's turn to appear in the classic Vision costume. Yikes. Wanda thanks him for humoring her, and he says there were no other clothes in his closet and they have a very weird second where he's not playing along and she's not sure what to do, and then he breaks into sitcom character says something about "just kidding, i know how much you love mexican wrestling" like it's a luchador costume, and then there's some super weird flirting. TMI you two.

Meanwhile, Pietro is a large child and the kids love him, of course. So there's that.

Back to Wanda and Vision, she's ready to take the kids out trick-or-treating, but Vision says he can't go, he's on the neighborhood watch and must patrol the streets ever-vigilant for wild gangs of child hooligans who might TP trees. He's gone off-script and it takes Wanda a second to figure out how to play this. She says it's the boys' first Halloween so he has to be there. Pietro breaks up the almost argument and says he can be a father figure-type and he'll help with the boys. Vision's still pretty off-script but Wanda doesn't fight it but looks uncertain, and he goes off to protect the night — or early afternoon.

Pietro is a child hooligan and wants to go do hooligany things with the kids. Wanda says he doesn't have a costume and he grabs Billy and they speed off only to return dressed in classic Quicksilver duds. Well, cheap-looking, thrown together Quicksilver duds. I laughed. The hair. lol. Good one.

Outside in the real world. The Hex field is still kind of glowing red and making bad force field noises. It only started doing that when Wanda got pissed in the last ep. Oh, goody, it's Acting Director Dick. I've learned his name is Hayward. I don't care.

Blah blah Stompy Mc-I'm-In-Charge blah. Monica is not pleased about the whole trying to kill Wanda with a missile while she was talking to her plan. AD Dick just says "now we know who we're dealing with". Um … what? You tried to kill her and her response was to tell you to go away. Yeah, boy, she's a monster.

Darcy is there to helpfully remind AD Dick that Wanda made him look like the fool he is. ILU girl. "Hey, there he is; the guy who almost got murdered by his own murder squad." Jimmy just makes a 'i'm so disappointed in you and your choices' face at him in the background.

I despise characters like Hayward. They are so tedious. Narratively they are there to incite conflict, but given the situation conflict naturally exists, surely there are other ways to bring up/drive that tension without the trope of the government heavy ready to solve the problem with the most extreme amount of force available to him. OH no! Our plucky heroes will have to find a way to save the day and fight the Man! Can they do it? Boring. It's too bad General Talbot went insane and then died; he could probably give tips on How Not To Be That Guy.

Anyway

Hayward wants to know if Darcy works for him and she's like "dunno my dude", Monica claims her, AD Dick says "which one of you is the sassy best friend" and Jimmy's like, that is quite enough Acting Director Not Very Nice Man. "There's no time to diminish your colleagues when you're about to start a war you can't win." AD Dick just wants to take out Wanda so the whole nightmare ends. Monica's like um, we literally do not know what's going on. Like, for real we have no clue. So that might not, in fact, end the nightmare, Director Murder Britches.

They argue a lot and Director Dick goes off the rails. Dude's like more unhinged than seems warranted. Unless he's just so embarrassed that he pissed himself when Wanda returned his murder drone to him, he's decided SHE MUST BE DESTROYED FOR THE GOOD OF … NEW JERSEY AND MY SOILED UNDERWEAR OR SOMETHING. 

"Captain Rambeau, you are an impediment to this mission!" Oh no! He's gonna tell her all about how hard it was to survive in a post-blip world, all those lucky blipped don't know what it was like! You just can't understand! Monica tells him not to use that as an excuse to be a coward. I'm so bored with this scene. Let me guess, the trio will have to go behind his back to save the day.

"Maybe it's a good thing you weren't here with your mother died. Because, clearly you don't have the stomach for this job." … non-sequitur much? Or is he saying she would have inherited the Director-ship (which should probably not be how that sort of agency works, let's be real). Is this scene five hours long, or does it just feel that way?

The Dick banishes the trio from his base.

"Hayward is way over-stepping his provisional authority". Jimmy Woo, you're so great. Monica says he's up to something. Yeah a tactical nuke and murder. Clearly he doesn't want to actually solve the problem, he just wants the problem to go away with a big show of macho explosions and whatnot. I suspect he might be in over his head, like he was not meant to be Acting Director, let alone Director. Also, he's a boring cliche stereotype and I loathe it.

JIMMY! I legit did not see that coming. He just pure hauls off and clocks one of the soldiers escorting them off the base, to a transport truck or something. Monica seems just as surprised for a second but then she's like "hell yeah!" and jumps in. Darcy sort of stands back and watches. lol. "Why didn't anyone tell me the plan?"

Oh look, it's my shipping container! They put the soldiers in there. Guys, it was for Hayward. Come on.

The trio disguise themselves with ponchos, which is a big step up from the usual MCU disguise of "baseball hat". That was a good bit in Ant-man and the Wasp "it's not a disguise, it just looks like us at a baseball game" (I watched that like last week. I missed Luis). Anyway …

Back in the sitcom world. The kids are ready for their early afternoon trick-or-treating. They're still talking to the camera. It's so awkward. I'm not a fan. I get it's meant to reproduce the very 90s Nick-era sitcoms and so, you know, it's spot on. Still, though.

Pietro is encouraging and supportive. "Unleash hell, demon spawn!"

Dang there are a lot of kids in that neighborhood. Wasn't Vision wondering last episode why there weren't any kids? Is the program correcting itself?

Wanda tries to test Pietro, asking him about some kid at an orphanage when they were kids. Pietro calls her on it, and says he knows he looks different. Wanda wants to know why that is. He says, "You tell me. I mean, if I found shangra-la, I wouldn't want to be reminded of the past, either." Hmm.

The kids speed off with uncle Pietro. Wanda wanders over to talk to neighbor Herb, who has a g-man earbud in and is clearly part of the neighborhood watch. In the background Pietro is stealing all the candy and smashing pumpkins and spraying the place with silly string. The hijinks are so wacky. Wanda tells Herb maybe Vision can help out with the chaos, and Herb says Vision isn't on duty. Oh no, he lied to her!

Herb goes weird "is there something I can do for you, Wanda? Do you want something changed?" Hmmm.

Elsewhere Vision is wandering the wild streets of Westview. He finds people caught in some type of weird decorating loop, the woman seems trapped but aware.

Commercial time!  What the fuck was that. "Yo-magic! The snack for survivors." No, really, what the fuck.

Night has fallen, the twins and the twins walk the streets. Wanda's making the boys give back all the candy they stole. She says Pietro is a bad influence. He says "I'm just trying to do my part, kay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats, and ultimately give you grief. I mean, that's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"What happened to your accent?"

"What happened to yours? Details are fuzzy, man. I got shot like a chump in the street for no reason." AHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! no really AHAHAHAHAAH! Thank you, Pietro! Holy shit, perfect. That's some delicious shade. I expect to see this gif'd fifteen different ways when I load tumblr today.

"Next thing I know, I heard you calling me. I knew you needed me."

The kids interrupt. And now all of a sudden Tommy can zoom. Character development!

Everyone is so careful to give Wanda what she wants. Why? She's not cruel. Who wants to keep her pacified? And whoever it is cannot possibly be pleased with AD Dick messing things up. Assuming it's an outside or outside-ish force/entity, of course. I mean, I don't think she's doing this entirely, she might be the battery powering it, but despite her thing last episode to get SWORD to leave her alone, she does seem a little confused about the where, why, and how things are going.

"Don't go past Ellis Avenue." Just a kid thing or a boundary of the sitcom control world?

In the real world, our heroes are sneaking through a tent city and into the server room. The scene with Pietro and Wanda discussing his accent is playing in the background. Darcy seems put-out that Pietro was recast. lol. "He brought the wrong face."

Darcy hacks into Hayward's devices. "Hayward figured out a way to look through the boundary." "And he didn't share it with the group." I don't like Hayward. 

Something is blipping on the map on the computer. Jimmy asks if it's Wanda, but Darcy says "it's tracking the decay signature of vibranium". So Vision. Monica wants to know why Hayward is tracking Vision. Well, I'd super like to know what SWORD was doing with Vision in the first place, because they weren't just storing him, they were doing something. So …

Jimmy notices that there are other dots, the ones closest to Vision, who are other residents. Jimmy says the ones near the edge of town are barely moving.

Back to Vision. He's found a cul-de-sac to patrol. Everybody's frozen in place, the street lights flicker. Eerie. They're all dressed for Halloween. Does this mean the field is shrinking, or the effects spreading and so it's closing in, slowing and then freezing people who were earlier moving about just fine? Vision is unaffected by this whatever it is. He turns himself into himself and flies off, up above the town. part of the town is dark, and part alive with voices and laughter.

He spots a car at the edge of town. It's Agnes. She seems frozen-ish, but when he asks what she's doing there, she says "Town Square Scare. Where is it?" all robotic like. Vision helpfully tries to give directions. lol. "Took a wrong turn, got lost" she says.

Vision touches her head and she wakes up. "You! You're one of the Avengers. You're Vision. Are you here to help us?" "I am Vision. I do want to help. But, what's an Avenger?"

Hmm. Well, I guess he did say last week that he couldn't remember anything before Westview.

"Am I dead?" she asks. "No, why would you think that?" "Because you are."

What was news coverage after the Snap like, do you suppose? I mean, ridiculous, of course. But, like, I think they had bigger problems then wondering about snapped/dead Avengers, didn't they? Well, maybe not. "WHERE ARE AVENGERS TO HELP US?" or "HOW DARE THE AVENGERS NOT HELP US!" "TOTALLY THIS IS ON THE AVENGERS!" "WE'D ALL BE DEAD WITHOUT THE AVENGERS!" "NUHUH! BOO AVENGERS!" "EXCEPT VISION WHO DIED HEROICALLY, WE ALL LIKE THAT AVENGER!" "TONY STARK AND PEPPER POTTS SHARE THE DECORATING TIPS THAT TRANSFORMED THEIR RUSTIC RESTORATION PROJECT INTO A CHARMING FAMILY HOME".

Agnes starts screaming "Dead" at Vision. She's not coping well. Vision says he's going to try and reach outside town and try to figure this all out. "How? No one leaves. Wanda won't even let us think about it." I SUSPECT YOU, AGNES! Why would Wanda keep everybody trapped and miserable? I could see if she did it on accident, but this implies she's purposefully hurting people. I don't buy it. Agnes, again, seems to be in the right place at the right time to make Vision doubt Wanda. You're a very suspicious character, Agnes.  

She starts to laugh. "All is lost." Vision touches her had and she resets to sitcom Agnes. Somehow she can move again, she turns the car around on Ellis Ave and heads back into town. So, that answers that.

Vision walks across the Eillis Ave to the field beyond.

Meanwhile, Darcy continues to hack. Monica gets a text and says "that's it! My way back into the Hex will be here in an hour." Jimmy's all ready to boost a ride to take her to meet her aerospace buddy. But, Darcy says, nope. Can't do it. Monica's been through the Hex twice, and it's rewritten her cells. "It's changing you." Monica is undaunted. "I know what Wanda's feeling and I won't stop until I help her." Alrighty then.

Jimmy's finally going to get to hotwire a car! But wait, Darcy's not going with them. AD Dick has something hidden behind one last firewall. Darcy thinks it's big and can help them. She's going to find it.

I don't think Jimmy had to hotwire that humvee. It just started right up. Motorpool, pfft - they always leave the keys.

Back in Westview. Halloween continues at Town Square. Pietro asks Wanda where she was hiding all those kids. Whu? Says Wanda. "I assume they were all just sleeping peacefully in their beds. No need to traumatize beyond the occasional holiday cameo, amiright?" What is Pietro. "Hey don't get me wrong, you've handled the ethical considerations of this scenario as best you could. Families and couples stay together. Most personalities aren't far from what's underneath. People got better jobs. Better haircuts for sure."

"You don't think it's wrong?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm impressed. It's a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wigglywoos out your hands." No, really, what is Pietro? "How'd you even do all this?" Hmmm.

"I don't know how I did it. I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. Just endless nothingness." She looks back at Pietro and for a second he's dead Pietro. Poor Wanda.

Darcy continues to hack Hayward's systems. Cataract classified weapons something something. They're still tracking Vision. Who continues his walk across the field and comes to the hex. He tries to push through it. Looks painful. SWORD rolls out to go overreact at him. He makes it through the barrier, kind of. It's a struggle.

Hayward standing there looking like a jackass "he really does want out, doesn't he?" Like he’s just amused by this turn of events, or watching a lab rat try to get out of the lab. 

Darcy's standing behind watching all of this. Bits of Vision sort of fly off and back into the Hex. Darcy says "oh no!" and runs towards him, screaming for them to help him. Way to give away your sneaky hiding, girlfriend.

In Westview. Billy looks up, he can hear what's going on outside. "I hear daddy in my head. He's in trouble."

Vision calls for help, while SWORD prioritizes arresting Darcy. Phil Coulson would never have behaved like this. Boo to SWORD. Vision is dissolving. It's kind of gross and sad.

Wanda asks where Vision is, and Pietro interrupts "Don't sweat it, sis. It's not like your dead husband can die twice." Wanda wallops him with some red wigglywoos.

Billy sees soldiers and thinks Vision is dying. Wanda stops everything and makes a big red boom. The Hex appears to be expanding. Whoops, now you've done it AD Dick. He runs away like the brave brave guy he is. They leave Darcy handcuffed to a jeep. "Are you serious right now?"

The Hex overtakes Vision and then Darcy. Trapped soldiers become clowns, and we're in the circus. Well, SWORD seems like a circus, so Wanda's not wrong. I'm pretty sure Jimmy and Monica made it, but sadly the bravest Director who ever braved also escaped. He deserved to be a circus clown. Better luck next week, Wanda.

Credits.

Well, I just don't know anymore.

Hayward doesn't care about Wanda, except where I think because of this someone will figure out what he was doing to Vision's body. And Vision is ultimately the thing he cares about in all this. I hope Wanda drops a house on him.

Hmmm.

Quit suggesting I watch Age of Ultron next, Disney. It’s not happening. 

[kittyknowsthings]

A Nice and Accurate Timeline of the Apocalypse (and its Aftermath)

As shown on the Good Omens TV show

Happy birthday to me, a gift for myself and the entire Good Omens fandom.

MONDAY

Hastur and Ligur check on the Hellhound

Warlock and his mother argue about his birthday party while Aziraphale and Crowley watch.

Crowley suggests Aziraphale could kill Warlock. Aziraphale suggests they go to the birthday party instead.

WEDNESDAY

Warlock's (and Adam's) 11th birthday

3 pm - Hastur and Ligur let out the Hellhound

Sufficient time later for a thorough cake fight:

Aziraphale and Crowley have to admit they've got the wrong boy since the Hellhound, who should be there by now, is not showing up.

(The Hellhound had to get to Tadfield instead of London, it's a bit of a trip, I suppose, since it must be some time later when:) The Hellhound arrives in Hogback Wood between 3pm and 5:00pm, assuming Agnes Nutter and Deirdre Young define teatime the same, but with definitely enough time for

Crowley (back in his usual outfit) and Aziraphale (who had time to get changed and wash the cake off) to have decided to have a drink over their failure at Aziraphale's bookshop (where they have returned, presumably by car, though to be fair, the Ambassador's residence to Soho, which is about 3 miles, at Crowley's typical speed is a matter of a couple of minutes, really) when Crowley announces the Hellhound has been named

Newton is fired, meets Shadwell, is told to show up at his place at 11 o'clock the day after

Anathema is implied to arrive in the UK either Wednesday or Thursday, but a bit difficult to nail down - did they show it chronologically, in which case Anathema arrived before Newton meets Shadwell, or did they alternate the scenes to juxtapose Anathema and Newton more clearly, but Anathema's outfit, make-up and hairstyle are still the same when we see her move into the cottage on Thursday

THURSDAY

Gabriel and Sandalphon show up on Aziraphale's shop to corner him

(The scriptbook implies Crowley stayed at the shop through the night and is only now sneaking out, nearly caught by the Archangels, but it wasn't shown, so follow your bliss.)

Hastur and Ligur check in with Crowley and say their "operatives in the State Department" have arranged for the boy to be flown to the Middle East

The Postman delivers the Sword

Anathema moves into Jasmine Cottage in Tadfield and gets to work

Crowley threatens his plants

Aziraphale is on the phone with someone who wants to buy the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter

Newton comes to Shadwell's and is initiated so we can assume it is now 11 o'clock

Aziraphale calls Crowley with the idea to check the convent, they take the Bentley together 

(If we're assuming 90 mph is Crowley's standard speed, and Tadfield is in about the middle of Oxfordshire, we can assume it took them about 40 minutes. So, either they left later, or Crowley actually bothered to slow down on occassion.)

Anathema meets the Them while scrying for the Antichrist

Aziraphale and Crowley meet Mary Hodges, interrogate her, and ignore the police blockade to leave the former convent at sunset

Shortly after, Anathema is scrying by yet a third method (poor girl)

Anathema's bike and Crowley's Bentley collide, they give her a ride

by the time they arrive at Jasmine cottage, it is fully dark

Anathema has a video chat with her mom

Aziraphale and crowley discuss the possibility of asking a human for help with locating the antichrist over cake

Adam is starting to be reached out to when asleep by infernal forces

Back in front of the bookshop, Aziraphale finds the book and blows off Crowley to read it

FRIDAY Crowley calls Aziraphale to check in

If we are assuming Aziraphale's office clock is correct, it is about 6:45 am when he calls the Young's home phone, the Young parents are having breakfast, and Adam is training Dog

Aziraphale attempts to script an explanation to Gabriel

Anathema invites Adam in

Crowley meets with Shadwell

Aziraphale meets with the Archangels and realizes they have no intention of averting the war, Michael states "The other side are currently transporting [Warlock] to the plains of Megiddo"

Aziraphale claims, to the Archangels, not to be sure about the Antichrist's location even though we saw his notes on the matter include his address

Aziraphale calls in Shadwell, who ignores Newton's quite accurate recognition of the oddness of Oxfordshire's weather

The scales are delivered to Famine

At about 7pm, Crowley calls Aziraphale and suggests the meeting at the Bandstand in "15 minutes"

(When they are actually meeting, it's sunset, but given filming schedules and stuff, I will leave it to you if you decide Aziraphale is really late or the sunset is just early)

During the night, Adam starts actively affecting reality

SATURDAY

Aziraphale intercepts Gabriel jogging at Battersea Park

Michael presents pictures and gets Gabriel's tacit permission to check in downstairs about Aziraphale and Crowley and calls Ligur

Crowley goes over possible escape locations 

Lesley delivers the crown to Pollution (the sun is still rising) and the message that it's time to Death

Newton gets sworn in by Shadwell and sent off to Tadfield, he has the accident Ligur talks to Hastur who is supposed to be leaving for Megiddo about his suspicions of Crowley, they decide to find proof

Hastur gets to Megiddo

Anathema is well-prepared for Newton's arrival

5 hours and 48 minutes to the end of the World

Newton wakes up

The Them separate for lunch, agreeing to meet up again after

Warlock is at Megiddo Hastur confronts Crowley, who was having  a pity party at a cinema

Anathema catches Newt up, it's about 13:15, and "about 4 hours and 15 minutes" to the apocalypse

Crowley tries again to convince Aziraphale to come with him, fails 

Sets up the holy water booby trap

Crowley melts Ligur

Aziraphale appears to have taken a short walk to clear his head, as he is on his way back to the bookshop when he is accosted by the Archangels and the horn is sounded

Adam is starting to really scare his friends

13:30

Anathema and Newton are about to leave, but are stopped by a storm

They start making out under the bed

When the pin in the map starts sizzling, Shadwell realizes he may have sent Newton into danger, and Tracey convinces him to go after him, but Shadwell refuses her money and instead resolves to ask Aziraphale for an Advance

Newton has scruples and asks if he shouldn't buy anathema dinner first, but she quickly dissuades him

Aziraphale contacts Heaven in a last-ditch attempt to ask Her for help, the Metatron quashes his last hopes of Heaven's assistance

Shadwell goes to Aziraphale's shop, sees the late end of the Metatron bit through the letter flap,

Aziraphale calls Crowley but Crowley hangs up on him to deal with Hastur.

Shadwell picks the lock

and Aziraphale, trying to keep Shadwell safe, accidentally steps into the circle, discorporating himself.

Shadwell slams the door on his hasty way out, shaking the ground hard enough to kick over one of the candles in the communication circle setting the shop on fire.

Parallel to this, Crowley finished dealing with Hastur and makes his way to Aziraphale

14:30

Crowley, on his way to Aziraphale's shop, tries to call Aziraphale,

the store is already very on fire

Crowley goes in and tries to find Aziraphale, rescues the book

Adam announces his "new" friends - the horsemen - will be together soon and are on their way

Shadwell arrives back home and is put to bed by Madam Tracey

Aziraphale argues with the Quartermaster and decides to go back to Earth without a body if he has to

4 pm -

Anathema is getting dressed again

Crowley has gotten really quite drunk, having downed an entire bottle of Talisker and asking the bartender for a second by this point

Aziraphale finds him at the bar

The Seance starts

The Horsemen meet up at the café

Aziraphale crashes the Séance and quickly wraps it up so he can get Tracey up to speed

1 hour and 43 minutes to the apocalypse

Crowley is stuck in the traffic jam due to the M25

Shadwell wakes up, Madame Tracey and Aziraphale make him tea

The M25 lights up with Crowley still inside

Lisa from the call center accidentally frees Hastur, who thanks her by eating her and her colleagues

Aziraphale recruits Shadwell, who packs the Thunder Gun

Hastur appears in the car, prompting him to brave the fire out of sheer spite

Adam chases away Dog and the Them, whose rejection makes him snap back to himself. They resolve to stop what Adam started, and to "meet back in 5 minutes"

Anathema and Newt figure out they have to go to the airbase

Aziraphale makes the scooter fly

The Horsemen arrive through the official entrance, pretending to be a surprise inspection

Anathema and Newt sneak in through a hole in the fence a fallen tree has made

Adam and the Them meet up again

31 minutes to the end of the world

RP Tyler delays the Them 

The Horsemen take over the base, starting ... everything, basically

17 minutes to the Apocalypse

after asking RP Tyler for directions, Crowley hurries

The Scooter reaches the airbase

Aziraphale argues with the airbase

Crowley arrives making his heroic entrance

(of course Adam and his friends do the real work)

The Bentley explodes

Aziraphale sends off the guard off while Crowley is having a moment

Crowley takes care of the next load of soldiers

When the Sergeant chickens out, Aziraphale attempts to use the gun on Adam, but Tracey stops him

Pepper, Brian and Wensleydale take out War, Pollution and Famine

Newt breaks the system by trying to fix it 

Adam confronts Death

Anathema and Newt walk on

Crowley returns the book

Aziraphale receives the prophecy

Gabriel and Beelzebub arrive

Aziraphale and Crowley rules-lawyer them into cancelling the war

Satan shows up

Aziraphale threatens Crowley to never talk to him again, so Crowley stops time, giving Adam enough time to think

Adam rejects Satan, declaring that that is not his father, so Arthur Young appears

After Nightfall, Aziraphale and Crowley wait for the bus, sharing a bottle of wine

Lesley picks up the horsemen's items

Aziraphale and Crowley take each other's hand as they sit down in the bus

SUNDAY

Crowley, already in Aziraphale's body, investigates the restored bookshop

Aziraphale, in Crowley's appearance, is happy to find the Bentley restored

Anathema and Newton wake up together

Crowley and Aziraphale meet at the park and are abducted for each other's trials.

Madame Tracey and Sergeant Shadwell agree to retire together

Agnes has the next book delivered

Anathema decides to burn it

The Them check in on Adam, who is sure he'll be grounded for "years and years", but his parents will have forgotten by tomorrow - his powers to affect reality do not seem entirely gone.

Summer is ending.

Crowley and Aziraphale are sitting on a park bank, they swap back and agree to go to Lunch

They dine at the Ritz to romantic music and toast To the World.

[jenroses]

Fun times on the prescription refill calliope below the cut:

1. Fondaparinux: This medication is the only anticoagulant that a) my insurance covers, b) I am not allergic or otherwise sensitive to, c) that doesn’t cause me great pain administering it and d) doesn’t make my hair fall out. (keep in mind my hair is a half inch long, this is not a major consideration, but given a choice I will choose the thing that does not make my hair fall out.) I’m also stable on it.

2. Therefore almost no doctors have heard of it, I had to fight tooth and nail to get it prescribed and eventually did an end run around the doctors who should have known enough about it to prescribe it but didn’t “feel comfortable” even though they told me the other option literally increased my risk of death (and caused me great pain and made my hair fall out.)

3. I can safely go a day without anticoagulation. I cannot go multiple days without risking a DVT or pulmonary embolism. I’ve had at least 1 dvt and four PEs, so this is important. Because of my general inflammation level and exercise intolerance, I am very high risk for clots and the only reason I’m not fully therapeutic level on anticoagulants is that I have other meds that muck around with how I process anticoagulants and so I need to be a little lower or I bleed. This is a balanced system which requires that I take this drug EVERY DAY or I could stroke out or have an embolism. My last two embolisms were silent other than SOB. They formed in situ, rather than migrating. It’s Not A Good Idea to muck around with this.

4. So I did a lot of research into every alternative and they either contained things I’ve reacted to or they are specifically excluded from my insurance as “too new” or experimental. I’m genetically prone to not handling warfarin well, in a “I go from not anticoagulated to peeing blood with no warning” sort of way. Xarelto caused me so much joint pain that it was probably responsible for the failure of at least six rheumatoid arthritis drugs. Lovenox is fine at 40 mg. They wanted me to take 180 mg twice a day. That shit HURTS. It was not good for my mental health. The fondaparinux is once a day and the same volume as the 40 mg of lovenox, it rarely hurts at all. 

5. Because Fondaparinux is not prescribed very often, hardly any pharmacies carry it. I used to be able to get it at my local Savon, but not walgreens, bimart, costco or any of the other ones I called. 

6. Savon only filled 22 the last time they did it because their distributor stopped carrying it.

7. I called around, a lot, finally resorting to the specialty pharmacy that handled my Humira, and they said, “Oh, the hospital pharmacy will have it.” 

8. The hospital is 100 miles from my house. But they will ship it!

9. I have new secondary insurance, which is good, because my primary took this generic drug and made it tier fucking 4 which is a 50/50 copay on a drug that’s about $1100 per month rather than the $10 per month I paid last year. Secondary insurance will cover it... IF ANY PHARMACY CAN FIGURE OUT TO DO THIS CORRECTLY. It took some doing to get it covered but they finally did it.

10. They filled the script and sent me 30 syringes because it’s dosed by the syringe, one syringe a day.

11. I called for a refill. After not seeing or hearing anything for 5 days, I called and they said, “It’s sitting here ready for pickup, and the copay is $300.”

12. I had them rebill it, and they sent it, and I recieved... 12 syringes. 3 days before I was due to run out. 

13. I called and asked wtf this is not a month’s supply and they said, “Oh, your doctor prescribed it that way.” Then the person I was talking to made some noise about “36 is a 3 month supply so 12 is a 1 month supply” and I said, “That’s not right, you got this right last month, why are you doing this?”

14. I called the doctor’s office, and they said, “We prescribed it the way we were told to prescribe it,” and we tried to figure out how they got 12 and I was like, “Maybe they thought since it was .4 ml per syringe that it was 12 ml total and got confused?” (the math isn’t quite right on this, but anyway.) 

15. I called to get it refilled when I had like, 8 or 9 syringes left, like 5 days after I got it, and they said, “We’ll send the request to the doctor.” I said, “Make sure it’s for 30 syringes per 30 day period.”

16. Nothing happened. So I called the doctor’s office and they sent a note back. Nothing happened. 

17. I called the pharmacy and then the doctor’s office like... 6-8 times in a 4 day period. 

18. Every time the pharmacy said, “We’re waiting on your doctor” and the doctor said, “we don’t have a request.”

19. I finally made everyone talk to each other and then it got REALLY screwy. 

20. I talked to the pharmacy, called the doctor’s office, waited, then the same day, the doctor’s office called me and told me the pharmacy told them that the copay was too high and it should be sent to a different, even harder to deal with pharmacy. 

I called my secondary insurance company to ensure that yes, they would pay for it and they said, “Oh, they never even tried to bill us.”

Reader, I might have lost my shit. I managed to keep it together enough to call my doctor’s office back to say, “Send the prescription back to that pharmacy. I will call them and give them instructions.”

I called the pharmacy back, and said, “You will be getting the refill within minutes. DO NOT let your pharmacist send it back. Bill the first insurance, and then bill my secondary insurance the way you’ve had to for every other script you’ve filled for me. The copay will be zero. Please deliver the medication as soon as possible.”

And then I waited on hold, for the last 20 minutes of a total of 3-4 hours on the phone.  

And when she came back to talk to me, she said, “We have to order it, so it won’t be there until Friday.”

NGL I assumed at first she meant 10 days from now. I said, “This Friday?”

And yes, this Friday. I’ll still have 3-4 syringes on hand when it gets here. 

Anyway, that’s where 100% of my executive function for at least a week has gone. 

Insurance won’t allow a 90 day fill on this drug this year. This drug that I will probably be taking for YEARS. 

[naplunamod]

primrose  (an itaxsaku fic)

This was for a gift exchange in an itasaku server i was in...my prompt was “That doesn’t mean what you think it means.”  here’s hoping that whoever’s prompt i got will see this  (sorry it’s late i got caught up with taking summer classes)

Men were dense.

Uchiha men unbelievably so. Or at least that's what she thought at first.

So when Sakura received her first bouquet of flowers from Itachi Uchiha, a beautiful mixture of blue salvias, pansies, pink camellias with a single creamy white lily in the middle of it, for her official graduation as Tsunade's apprentice, she smiled and blushed while taking it but ultimately thought nothing of it. After all men were strange and Itachi Uchiha was perhaps the strangest of them all.

The second time Sakura received flowers from Itachi Uchiha, if you could even consider them flowers, just so happened to be after a particularly hard death. She was 6 years old. Eyes as clear and unique as the twilight sky they reminded her of...at least when they weren't darkened to a deep purple with pain. Lady Tsunade tried to warn her. There were just some things medical chakra (which speeds up cell division to produce new healthy cells) couldn't heal. She should have listened. So when there were no more sweet smiles, no more ringing laughter, no more soft pleas for “Pleeeeease just one more story and I promise i'll go to sleep Sakura Onee-chan pretty pretty please with frosting on top”, Sakura was an emotionally devastated wreck (it came with wearing your heart on your sleeve). So when she saw the small aloe vera plant sitting so innocently on her window sill the next morning with his perfect scrawling handwriting on an even smaller card, she got angry. Was he mocking her? Giving her a plant that promoted healing, with an angry grief stricken cry the aloe had a new home against her wall. But, just like her, the next day the aloe was back in her window in it's small broken pot now glued back together with a small thank you written in messy doctor's script. That afternoon Tillian (or Tilli as Naruto and Ino would come to know her) gained a window buddy a golden pothos by the name of Balthazar (courtesy of Kakashi-sensei. It was cute in a weird sort of way).

These in her opinion strange but thoughtful and hey what girl didn't like to receive flowers every now and then occurrences continued to happen for a while. A daffodil here, an iris there whether it was a special occasion or not. Most of the time they were left on her doorstep or windowsill with just his name and no explanation. And never a bouquet, not since that first time,  just a single flower in a small vase or with a cute ribbon tied around it.

The first time he actually spoke to her was on her 21st birthday. Because  she had an early shift the next day and totally NOT because a certain ramen obsessed ninja begged her and threatened to tell a certain Ino-pig that she wanted a big blow out party until she gave in she found herself at a small celebration at Ichiraku. Naruto was going on about he and Sasuke's latest mission which ended up with Sasuke waist deep in muck and him dangling upside down from above while being attacked by the migratory birds they were sent to capture and relocate. Naruto was wildly and animatedly getting to the best part (his words and not her own), evidently one of the male birds took a liking to the back of Sasuke's head a little too much his resulting shudder and grumbled “It wasn't THAT funny dobe” made it all the funnier though she'd never say that out loud when they were interrupted by Itachi's soft and smooth “Sakura-San”. Somewhat surprised she smiled and returned his greeting. “Itachi-San. What brings you by?” Both Sasuke and Naruto seemed to be taken aback by Itachi's soft smile shot her way though she really had no idea why. Sure he was a little bit emotionally repressed but no more so than Sai.

If Itachi was uncomfortable with the sudden attention he was getting from Sasuke and Naruto he didn't show it. “I heard from a little black birdie that I might find you here for your birthday.”

Sakura hummed not surprised at all at that bit of information though she did make a mental note to put said curly-haired black birdie on bedpan duty for a week. Shisui may be an Uchiha in name but he was just about as gossipy as some of the younger nurses in the hospital and last thing she needed was rumors being started. Still she nodded to Itachi “Yeah I didn't want anything big so I decided to have dinner with the boys.”

Itachi nodded to them as if seeing them for the first time “Ototo, Naruto-kun... I don't mean to intrude I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and to give you these.”

Sakura gently took the small bouquet he held out to her. “It's beautiful...thank you Itachi-san”. Much smaller than the first this one contained only a few simple flowers. A few magenta zinnias, a few gardenias and a red carnation framed by some smilax vines.

Itachi dipped his head “Ah.  I will take my leave then. Enjoy your meal Sakura-san. Ototo, Naruto-kun.”  Just as quickly as he appeared he was gone.

Sighing softly Sakura could feel their stares at the back of her head effectively ruining the mood. “What?” she turned to her two brothers in arms.

“What was that about??” Naruto pointed story forgotten.

“Ah...are you and my brother dating?” If it were anyone but Sasuke she would swear there was a hint of jelousy in his voice...then again it was Itachi he was asking about so it probably was.

Shrugging Sakura looked at the two of them “No we're not dating. He was just being nice it is my birthday after all.” Not that she should have to explain herself to them but really they were reading too much into a kind gesture. At their disbelieving looks she frowned “Look...Naruto remember last year when Itachi-san got you those special kunai for your birthday? And don't even get me started on how he practically buys out every tomato in the village for Sasuke's. Presents are expected to be given for your birthday. He's just being nice. Nothing more.”

More time passed and things continued on in the same manner. Sakura realized that soon she would need to start drying out and preserving her flowers because she was beginning to run out of room and even though it only used the most minimal amount of chakra to keep them fresh and beautiful eventually even that wears on you. Vowing to herself that after her shift she'd stop by the Yamanaka flower shop to grab a flower scrap book it would soon be forgotten for now. It would also lead to the first time in a few months that Sakura wouldn't receive flowers for a while. For when she reached her office one of the newly graduated nurses was waiting for her at her office door. His name was Tsukishima Kei, only a few years younger than her he was already well on his way to becoming head nurse. With his short messy blonde hair, honey colored brown eyes, and physic that despite not being a shinobi shows that he takes time to keep in shape it was really no wonder he was popular among the female patients however, he was surprisingly well liked with the kids. He could almost rival Shisui in the looks department though unlike Shisui his bedside manner could use some work. Nodding in greeting to him Sakura let him into her office after he asked to speak with her for a moment. Fifteen minutes later Tsukishima left her office and Sakura found herself with a date that Saturday evening. Ino was positively excited although Sakura got the distinct air of disappointment once she told Ino who it was she was going out with. But Ino didn't tell so she didn't ask. Sakura also vaguely wondered why Ino didn't comment on the bounty of flowers dotting her apartment everywhere... with the way she absolutely refused to let Sakura pick out her own clothes or do her own hair. But she had to admit when Ino finished she looked absolutely radiant. Tsukishima thought so too earning him a pretty blush as she looped her arm through his with a wave to Ino not to wait up. She never even noticed Ino's frown or the purple aster and another blue salvia sitting by her doorstep, carefully brought in by Ino upon her leaving. She did notice however a few weeks into dating Tsukki at his insistence she found it kinda cute that he wanted her to call him by the same nickname he best friend did... that the flowers had stopped. It made her feel weird and not in a good way. Did Itachi somehow know they were dating? And why did it matter so much? A week later much to her relief, perhaps with the uptick of missions he didn't have time to leave her any Sakura found a small bundle of yellow flowers on her desk. A yellow carnation, a yellow hyacintha, a marigold, and a yellow rose lay neatly on her desk tied up in a yellow ribbon. Smiling fondly albeit a little confused that they weren't in a vase like usual she pulled out a beaker and filled it with water for the flowers and placed them on the corner of her desk. Two months into dating Tsukki they decided mutually to break it off. While they found that they challenged each other intellectually they both agreed that that certain romantic spark just wasn't there. Sakura also realized that deep down some part of her was almost happy at the turn of events because she hadn't received any more flowers from Itachi since the yellow ones and she was 90% sure he knew she was dating someone despite she and Tsukki's efforts to keep it secret. It was weird how the thought of not getting more flowers from him, despite them rarely talking or seeing each other bothered her more than breaking up with Tsukki. It also didn't hurt that she noticed the longing glances that he shared with the new doctor, she believed his name was Tetsuro Kuroo and even teased him about them laughing at Tsukki's sputtering blush. It wasn't until Ino decided to visit one afternoon for lunch that Sakura realized that there might indeed be something to the flowers she had been receiving. It was a few days after her breakup honestly she never knew how Ino found out these things about her personal life so fast and Sakura agreed under the condition that they had lunch in her office because she was on duty today and on call for the next few days to which Ino readily agreed. As usual for their lunch dates they talked about their days what they had been doing since last seeing each other to her surprise Ino had started a tentative relationship with Sai of all people. Naturally talking about her own budding relationship Ino asked her friend about her own to which Sakura explained about she and Tsukki's mutual break up. And while she didn't seem too upset about it Ino still felt the need reply because at this rate the biggest fish was likely to swim away.

“Cheer up forehead. You know how that old cliche saying goes there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” She gauged her friend's reaction.

Sakura hummed not committally into her food “I don't know pig. The general consensus has not been in my favor. Aside from Tsukki nobody has shown any interest in me.”  

Ino could have.... wanted to slap her forehead. She knew Sakura could be a bit stubborn...still watching her friend closely she wondered if Sakura even knew with a mental sigh and eye roll (really and she though men were difficult but this also was Sakura she was talking about) “Those flowers on your desk seem to suggest otherwise.” she said dryly with a wave to the still living bundle.

Sakura looked up from her food with a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about pig?” Those are just flowers....arn't they?

Ino did sigh out loud this time leave it to Sakura to forget the first thing they learned in kunoichi class. “If you don't know I'm not going to tell you.” She stood and grabbed her things but was sastified when Sakura got that look that she got when trying to puzzle something out. “Tell you what. Because I'm such an awesome friend...” she flipped her long hair behind her back earning an eyeroll from Sakura “...stop by the shop after your shift and I'll give you a hint. And bring those with you.” She nodded at the yellow flowers on her way out.

Sakura sighed as she settled into her couch notebook and scrap book in one hand, the book Ino let her borrow the night before “The Kunoichi's Kado” and a fresh hot cup of tea ready to do what she was best known for...research. She supposed if Ino went through all of this trouble she could at least give it a try though she was fairly confident that nothing would come of this. Especially after finding a new set of flowers on her windowsill this morning, a clovenlip toadflax, a moss rosebud and a spider flower. At least that had been her mindset when she started this little project hours earlier. But...she couldn't deny the evidence right in front of her and maybe realized it a lot sooner if she had continued on with her kunoichi classes.

Blue salvia -  I think of you

pansy – love and admiration

iris -  a message

pink camellia – longing for you

white lily – purity

aloe vera – grief He was grieving with her she realized looking over to Tillie

golden pothos – perseverance

daffodil - you're the only one

magenta zinnias – lasting affection

gardenia – secret love

red carnation – admiration, my heart aches for you

smilax – loveliness

purple aster – kindness, gentleness, wisedom

yellow carnation – jealousy

yellow hyacintha – jealousy

marigold – jealousy

yellow rose – jealousy

Sakura sighed at this though she supposed she couldn't blame him. She'd be jealous if she saw her crush going out with someone else as well. That also explained the lack of flowers.

Clovenlip toadflax – please notice my feelings for you

moss rosebud – confession of love

spider flower – elope with me hopefully he meant go out with him Sakura wasn't sure if she was ready for marrage just yet.

All this time Itachi had been plainely or not so plainely stating his feelings for her and she never realized. Though in a way it made sense not being able to express himself outwardly he expressed himself in the only way he really knew how. And she never noticed. She had to go see him right away. She had to know. Had to let him know.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at his pink haired teammate who currently was huffing like she had sprinted across the village which is exactly what she did she needed to train more with her boys if she's this winded from a little sprint.

“S...Sasuke is Itachi home? I need to talk to him.”

Sasuke's eyebrow rose even higher “Hn... he just left for a mission with his team about 10 minutes ago. His team moves pretty fast but if you hurry you might be able to catch him.”  Sakuke watched as her whole body seem to deflate meaning she likely wasn't going to go after him. Especially when he saw her worrying her lip with indecision “Look...his team is fast and effiecent. He should be gone for maybe three days. If that long. You could always just tell him when he gets back.” He leaned aganst the doorway still watching her.

“Y...yeah you're right. I wouldn't want him to not be focused on the mission. And I just might need a little more time to think myself.”

“Let me guess. You found something out and made a rash decision?” Sasuke smirked.

Sakura narrowed her eyes “How long?”

“Since your birthday for sure.”

“And you didn't say anything?” she asked incredulously.

Again Sasuke shrugged “Wasn't my place.”

“Ass...” Sakura muttered hating to admit that  he was right. No matter how frustrating it was knowing that she wouldn't be getting any answers rigtht away. But perhase it was for the best. A relationship with Uchiha Itachi wasn't something she could or should just jump into. “And you're ok with this?”

“At least I'm a good  looking one.” Sasuke retorted  earning himself an eye roll and a punch to the shoulder. “Besides. I'd rather it be you than any of his fangirls.”

Something wasn't right. Sakura could feel it like a second skin clinging to her rousing her from her sleep long before the Anbu arrived at her window. Call it a 7th sense if you will that medics tended to develop. She was already half way dressed when she heard the familiar tapping at her window.

“The Hokage requires your assistance. Several recon teams have come in severely injured and in critical condition.”  

Grabbing several soilder pills for herself no doubt in her mind she'd need them tonight they were both gone in a flash. What greeted Sakura was nothing short of complete chaos. Rolling her sleeves up she dived into the fray. Nobody would be dying tonight if she could help it.

Beep...

Beep....

Beep.......

Itachi groaned blindly reaching out to turn off that incessant beeping from his alarm. His entire body was sore all over and all he wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep. His brow furrowed as his brain struggled to connect the dots. there shouldn't be an alarm clock going off he should still be out in the field....His eyes shot open and he sat up a little too quickly causing the world of sterile white around him to swim. Just how long was he out? He looked around the room once his vision cleared at least he was in a Konoha hospital which means he and his team had made it back...or close enough for someone to find them and bring them back. Laying back against his pillows he turned his head intending to get some more rest before he was undoubtedly bombarded with friends, family and the Hokage once they all knew he was awake when he saw evidence of someone already having visited. He chuckled softly to himself and closed his eyes. On the night stand was a black and red vase....it's contents a jonquil, a white jasmine and a single sakura branch. Returned affections and willingness respectively the thought of Sakura was willing to give them a try filled him with a nervous sort of warmth as he sank back into the bed tiredness once again over taking him. It  took a while, and admittedly he was worried but it seems that in the end he shouldn't have.

[emma-what-son]

(Echee post) Emma Watson gets drunk and scales a fence naked

Posted on March 20, 2014

In her new interview for Elle Emma admitted something that correlates a tweet from a witness from in July 2011 on location filming Perks of being a Wallflower From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "Among her exploits: She dated a costar Johnny Simmons, and she broke into a swimming pool at 3 A.M. "It was at a hotel," she reports happily. "It had a gate around it. My friends turned around and basically, I was gone. And the next thing they saw was me seven feet up in the air, scaling this fence." This, apparently, is not as out of character as we might suppose. Watson says coyly: "I shouldn’t be able to get away with what I’m getting away with." Here is the tweet from July 2011 and here is a POST I originally posted it in at the time "@_MarieChristine $*MarieChristine; Saw @EmWatson get so drunk that she got naked n climbed the fence to go into the swimming pool at my friend's hotel......http://twitter.com/#!/_MarieChristine." So it was true. I'm not posting the quotes here (I'll link the posts with them below) but to generalize this is a girl that claims to be shy and doesn’t like to party and doesn’t drink to have a good time because it makes her really sleepy and she’s just so boring she says and blah, blah blah. She sucks people in with these statements are herself that makes people like her. It's not just about drinking and getting drunk but everything. Nothing about her is genuine in any shape or form. She is a fraud.

In a recent interview for Wonderland Magazine Emma admitted like she always has which has been one big lie that she's boring and doesn't like being the center of attention.

So in her Wonderland magazine Emma says she shy, socially awkward and a introverted person. For some reason I don't believe her. There are certain things about her that leads me to believe she is not shy or the least bit introverted. The first part of this question asked her straight out as she ever wanted to go off the rails and get drunk and she talked about getting a tattoo but never fully answered that question. The follow up question which is split below in two parts was, "But you’re not as puritanical as that, Emma" So let's look at some thing 1.) From wonderlandmagazine.com Feb 2014, "The truth is that I’m genuinely a shy, socially awkward, introverted person." Posing half naked

For years Emma has said she was shy. From topcelebrityheadlines.com June 2011, "I’m shy." From zimbio.com May 2011, "It's really hard to have a love story for me. I'm a famous actress. And I'm shy." From digitalspy.com October 2010, "Actually, I'm quite shy. I've never liked attention." From iheartwatson.net June 2011 “I still feel shy, but I feel more like I can accept it.” Her come hither looks which I limited for space reasons. There are many and I left out new ones from the Noah premiere. This is not a trait of shy and introverted people.

I doubt a truly shy and introverted people are going to say they'll strip to gain approval for anything. From mtv.com November 2010 (NYC Deathly Hallows) When we caught up with Watson just before she ducked into the theater, we informed her that 90 percent of our viewers had given her wardrobe choice — a specially made Calvin Klein gown — an enthusiastic thumbs-up in an MTV News online poll "Awww, really? Wow, that's such a high percentage!" she exclaimed. "Wow, I aced it, obviously. That's great." While 90 percent is definitely a high number, what might she do in order to get the full 100 percent of viewers' approval? "I don't know, take it off?" she quipped. Then there is her modeling which doesn't strike me as someone that is shy or introverted.

So shy and introverted she can tell a radio host some guy thinks she looks good naked From nudography.com 2008 'Harry Potter' film actress Emma Watson has said she would do a nude scene in a future film or stage role if the script called for it. Watson got on the topic of getting naked on BBC's Live Five radio "I think it's wonderful that Daniel is willing to be so brave for his craft. It's a big risk doing something like this while being so internationally known, but he's a true professional". When asked if she would ever bare all for her art, Watson replied, "Yes, absolutely. I would do it if the script called for it. I guess I would be a little nervous, but I've been told I look good naked, so I guess I've got little to worry about". When Shaffer asked Watson who thinks she looks good naked, she playfully said, "Now, now! I won't say. But I trust his expert opinion." Then there is her attention seeking along with her sultry poses and outfits she sometimes wears. Below is a series of photos from the Cannes for TBR. Everyone is walking up the steps arm and arm but Emma stops to grab the spotlight. Once she takes the arm of a cast mate she can't stop turning around smiling, giggling and waving. Once she gets to the top she hooting and hollering and then blows a series of kisses as her cast mates walk inside. This is not someone that is shy and introverted.

Claiming she wished she did more naughty things is yet another example of what a shy and introverted person would not say. From harrypotterfan.net Nov 2010, "I wished I’d done more naughty things. Three months ago I cut my hair and at that moment I felt I became a woman. I’m ready to start taking risks. I feel less girlish than ever." ... cough ... cough... From emma-watson.net September 2013 (GQ awards), “Given the perilousness in the journey from child star to adult, any award with ‘Woman’ in the title is frankly a relief!” <---- thought she, "I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Then there is the choices of some of her outfits. If you're shy and introverted you're not going to show some flesh and you're certainly not going to show some flesh on TV or at a strip club. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself. You'd be more than happy to dress modestly. There are just a few and I limited them for space reason as well. I left out her recent plunging neckline outfit from the Noah premiere in Madrid and many others like her famed 2009 HBP premiere wardrobe malfunction outfit.

From Elle magazine April 2011 iheartwatson.net, "Does having short hair make you dress differently? ’I think it’s made me bolder in my fashion choices. It’s allowed me to dress more sexily.’” cough ... cough... From omg.yahoo.com W magazine May 2013, “I’ve never wanted to grow up too fast: I wanted to wear a sports bra until I was 22! The allure of being sexy never really held any excitement for me. I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Never heard of a shy and introverted person want o dress more sexually because of a haircut. Then there is her constant blowing of kisses which she does a lot of which all the classic pin ups like Marilyn Monroe ands other used to do. I guess it has nothing to do with shyness but introverted people are not going to go around blowing kisses at people or into the camera.

Then there are moments like this. Who does this? Shy and introverted? I think not. This is begging for attention and just plain weird.

Blowing kisses, posing, giving that sultry look and just enjoying all the attention is not the trait of a shy and introverted person.

Now the only thing I believe her on is the socially awkward part.

Now to the second part of that quote 2.) "At a big party, I’m like Bambie in the headlights. It’s too much stimulation for me, which is why I end up going to the bathroom! I need time outs! You’ve seen me at parties, Derek. I get anxious. I’m terrible at small talk and I have a ridiculously short attention span." I doubt this is true. She loves to be the center of attention on red carpets. She loves the attention. So why would parties be any different? At Coachella (bottom left photo) she was moshing at some points on stage.

This video shows her dancing on stage but there is another I lost of a video shooting down from the stage over Emma's head and you can see she's in plain view of the thousands in attendance. When I find it I'll post it. Shy and introverted people that can't take all the stimulation like she says would not put themselves out there amongst strangers and onlookers. If so, what kind of shy and introverted person is that? To see her drunk/leaving clubs and to read her contradicting quotes about drinking click these links below Emma doesn't like to party Emma never goes clubbing Emma can drink like sailor Emma lied about not drinking at Brown So basically like so much I covered on this blog by exposing her BS this is yet another example One more thing and it's a quote I've posted many times but she keeps on changing her tune In this new interview I started this post off with she also said From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "I was being offered roles that I didn’t feel were very complicated," she says. "Women that were a bit one-dimensional. Roles that required me to be one thing. Real women never are." So, rather than embrace mediocre work, she hid out in Providence, Rhode Island, emerging only for projects that would both stretch her muscles and challenge her public persona." But yet she said something different during her time at Brown From aceshowbiz.com November 2010 She tells U.S. magazine Parade, "I get some amazing offers to act, and sometimes it's hard to say, 'No, I'm going to stay here and do my homework.' People are like, 'What do you mean she's not available?' This college experience is really important to me, and I won't give it up." And yet it was not about roles at all two years ago. It was about her studying From nytimes.com September 2012, “Why hasn’t she done more films before now? “I think at first I didn’t because I was always either studying or filming, I didn’t have time to go off and do other films or other things to sort of show people that, Oh, she is not just Hermione, she is an actress and she can go and do these other parts and roles." So which is the truth and which is the lie?  So Sam in Perks and Nicki in TBR were complicated roles that she ended up leaving two Universities for? How about her small role in MWWM that took her a little over a week to film?

[greatfay]

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

[bobasheebaby]

91 Lucifer prompts

Some of my favorite quotes from my favorite devil. (Cut at 15 cause it’s long.)

Lucifer Morningstar

1 “People don’t arrive broken. They start with passion and yearning until something comes along that disabuses them of those notions.”

2 “People don’t have power over us. We give it to them.” 

3 “The best thing to do is always to follow your greatest desire.”

4 “Sometimes we are what we are, and we should embrace that.”

5 “Desire shouldn’t be contained, it’s unnatural.” 

6 “Why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?”

7 “Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

8 “Believe me, there is no winning when you play by a twisted tyrant’s rules.” 

9 “You shouldn’t have to change for anyone. And neither should I.” 

10 “I refuse to be a scapegoat for which something I bear no responsibility. It’s a theme in my life.”

11 “Trust me, I’ve been doing this a long time. I know evil.”

12 “If you desire something, just take it.”

13 “Trust me, if there’s one thing I know, it’s desire.”

14 “What I hate more than anything is a liar, a charlatan, someone who doesn’t believe in what they say.”

15 “Hell truly hath no fury like a man/woman scorned.”

16 “No one gives us the right… we take it.”

17 “Mmm, dangerous. NAME likes.”

18 “There was immediate danger. He/she was about to leave this man/woman completely unsatisfied.”

19 “When in doubt, go with the classics. That’s what I always say.”

20 “Guilt is such a useless emotion”

21 “Take a swing and I’ll shove that so far up your ass, you’ll have splinters in your stool.”

22 “What makes us vulnerable is often right under our noses.”

23 “Now tell me, what is it that you truly desire?”

24 “Well, maybe it’s like butt stuff. Easier the second time around.”

25 “It’s always the ones you least suspect, the ones you trust the most, that hurt you. They wait until your guard is down and then wham! In my case, it was tequila.”

Chloe Decker

26 “It’s better to move forward than stay stuck in the past.” 

27 “We can’t control what happens to us only how it affects us and the choices we make.”

28 “You have to stop taking responsibility for things that you can’t control.” 

29 “Sometimes we get along best with the people we’re most different from.”

30 “Pull yourself together. You look like a homeless magician!”

31 “It’s really not a good day for… your… NAMEness”

32 “You don’t save a marriage by sleeping with other people.”

33 “If you go looking for loopholes, you’ll always find them.”

34 “NAME’s not another guy/gal. He’s/She’s a weirdo.”

35 “As any parent knows, the best time to get things done is when everyone else is asleep.”

36 “I wasn't afraid of you.”

37 “I don't want you to see me like this. I know it scares you.” “No, that's... that's what I was trying to tell you. I'm not... I'm not afraid of you anymore.” “You're not?” “You see, this is what I'm talking about. It's so sweet. I'm going to puke.”

38 “I miss him/her. I mean, he/she pisses me off all the time. And there are so many things about him/her that ... that I find hard to accept, but I just have to believe I can find a way. Because ... I'd rather have him/her in my life than not.” “Well, then... I think you know what you need to do.”

39 “You're different than me. You're stronger. You could have run, but you didn't. Why didn't you?”

40 “It's not like you haven't always told me the truth. You know? So ... I think, deep down, I just ... I always knew.”

41 “Let's pretend for one second that you're someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.” “Ooh, I love role-play.”

42 “What, you're just gonna leave me here? In this part of town?” “You said you wanted danger.”

43 “Please tell me I'm hallucinating.” “Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.”

44 “You step out of line one time …” “You can give me a right-good spanking, I promise.”

45 “This cannot be true. Can it? I mean ... if you knew this, why wouldn't you say something? I mean, I almost married him/her. I mean, I almost married him/her.” “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.”

46 “Oh, my God. Did the world just turn upside down? Did you just admit to being wrong?”

47 “You know, it can be scary sometimes, but ... being who you really are is never a bad idea.”

48 “I need you to stay here and watch your dad/mom.” “That's true. Without the two of us, he’s/she's defenseless.” “I don't know if I like what you're whispering about.”

49 “How long have I been out?” “Three years.” “What?!” [NAME starts laughing] “You’re such an ass.”

50 “I couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up all night working, and, you know, I drank a lot of caffeine. Like, a lot.”

Mazikeen Smith

51 “If you go by someone else’s pace, it shows how much you really care.”

52 “Sometimes you have to accept when someone doesn’t feel the same way about you.” 

53 “Self-worth comes from within, bitches.” 

54 “I would never ask you to change. I like who you are.” 

55 “Hey! No one calls my skank a skank.” 

56 “Good. It's settled. Now, where do I put my knives.”

57 “Okay. One, I like to fight when I'm happy or ... horny. And, two, I really don't want to accidentally kill my best friend.”

58 “Maybe next time, I won't be around to save your ass.” “Mm! Well, that is a shame. 'Cause you and my backside used to get on very well. My front side, as well, actually.”

59 “And your name?” “NAME.” “How do you spell that?” “Surprise me.” [Later gets coffee with "WRONG NAME" on it]

60 “Everything that happened showed me exactly why I need to go back.” “I don't understand.”

Linda Martin

61 “Emotions are hard, but that’s why they make you strong.” 

62 “Goodness isn’t a toy.”

63 “Sometimes we need to lose something to understand its value.”

64 “Sometimes it’s easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.” 

65 “I find people who are rude usually feel powerless in their own lives. Terrified of not being in control.”

66 “Look... I know I'm not dad/mom, or partner or whatever. But I ...” “No. No, you're not. Come here. You are Uncle/Auntie NAME. And you will always ... be a member of this family.”

67 “Let's talk about what you're dealing with emotionally.” “Yeah, I really don't want to.”

68 “Why is he:she able to refuse my charms? I mean, is this thing on?” [points at him/herself] “Yes, yes. Definitely on.”

69 “How's that saying go? We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.”

70 “Should've seen that one coming.”

Amenadiel

71 “We need the most love when we’re being most unlovable.” 

72 “No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain. We suffer, or inflict.”

73 “Cosmos are yummy.”

74 “If you really want to know if you’re a worthy romantic partner, ask yourself.”

75 “NAME. What are you doing here? Did you hurt NAME?” “Only when he/she asked me nicely.”

Ella Lopez

76 “Whenever I’m procrastinating on something, I make an appointment for myself to do it. That way, can’t back out.”

77 “You see what I'm dealing with?”

78 “Hey. No one insults my family, except for me.”

79 [high on "candy"] “I know I should be freaking out right now, but your hair is so shiny.”

80 I'm usually not into reality shows either. I prefer more, you know, scripted-content, documentaries, but... I've got a little extra time these days, so... sort of kind of watched, uh, 27 seasons in two weeks.

Dan Espinoza 

81 “We all need someone to have our backs every now and then.”

82 “Ooh, lemon bars. My favorite. Mmm. Oh, man, these are amazing. Who made 'em?” “Uh, NAME did. Would you believe that hunk bakes?” [spits out the bars] “On second thought, who needs the empty calories?”

83 “Say you fall in love with a man/woman who has a cat. What are you gonna do? You accept the cat.” 

84 “Are you sleeping with this idiot?” “He/She hasn't had the pleasure, unfortunately, no.”

85 “Dude, I cannot deal with your weirdness right now.”

Trixie Espinoza

86 “We’re wearing the same shirt!” [both] “Sushi shirt!” [from around the corner] “I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I hate it!”

87 “I ate it.” “Mm-hmm.” “But NAME said it was okay.” “Oh, really?” “He/She said, if you really want to do something, you should. And I really wanted to eat some chocolate cake.”

88 “Are you looking at a no-no site?” “No. Why would you think that?” “Because you put it away so fast, and you look really, really guilty.”

89 “NAME, sever their Achilles first. If they can't walk ...” “They can't betray you.”

90 “You need to get a thicker skin. Stand up for yourself, because the truth is, nobody’s gonna do it for you.” — Charlotte Richards

91 “Anybody worth dating should understand everything that makes you … you.” — Ev

[lin-dorie]

Cuties/Mignonnes, from the project to the meaning and international public interactions

OK Let’s talk about it. 

Let me tell you what Cuties is really about, the meaning behind it and what you need, as an international public, to understand it properly.

/!\ Spoilers needed. 

So Mignonnes/Cuties is French-Senegalese movie produced by Bien ou Bien Production in collaboration with Netflix for international distribution. Maimouna Doucouré is an award winning director, she’s french-senegalese, 35 years old, grew up with a dad and two mothers surround by a big religious family. Nothing wrong, just a little girl having thoughts and dreams like any others. 

Mignonnes, her very first long metrage, is based on a study she conducted for the project. She interviewed hundreds of young people with her team (pedopsychologist included) to collect a lot of infos and ressources to built a movie dealing with young people anxiety, sexual discovering, bullying, social media and young black people representation in movies. 

I. Story telling from someone who watched it.

Amy is 11 year old, she came in France with her mom and little brother. While hidden, she discovered that her dad is in Senegal and will soon come back with a second wife as it is authorized by Islam and accepted in Senegal. Her mom and aunt don’t tell her anything but she saw her mom crying about the topic, not knowing what’s happening, she ressents her dad and her condition as a refugee, the typical “it was better where we were before”. 

Her family is muslim, she wore a hijab to her religious ceremonies and practice like she was told to, without the opportunity to do otherwise. In her building there’s a girl, Angelica, she has a rebellious side in opposition to her workaholics parents and she dances hip-hop style which Amy has never saw. She befriend her and her circle of friends and decided to dance with them at a local championship. In order to learn the dance and prove to them she was “cool”, she stole her cousin’s phone, got herself instagram and started relooking herself as a young woman instead of the pre-teen girl style she got before.  But, she gets her periods. She’s afraid, she’s anxious, but most of all she doesn’t understand because nobody told her. Her aunt take care of her telling her “you’re an adult now” and how she wish she’ll live a beautiful life like they are. This is a problem as Amy doesn’t know what it is to be “an adult” nor does she know what it is to grow up, and the only roles model she has at home are her sad mom and her ultraconservative aunt. So she starts acting out, comparing herself to more developped girls, tries to be like them and starts mimicing them for their dances. While fighting for the phone she stoled with her cousin, she locks herself in the bathroom and posts an intimate photo of her on instagram as a last proof she’s a woman. Obviously, she’s getting bullied in school for that, her mom come, slap her across the cheek, call her names and ground her.  Amy became depressed and in her anxiety, tries to reach out for her friends who turned their back on her so they won’t be associated with her.  Nonetheless, she succeed into entering a championship with her former-friends and are disqualifies due to highly innapropriate behaviour on scene.  She go back quickly to her house during a panic attack, her mother comfort her telling her she doesn’t have to attend her father’s wedding if she doesn’t want to. Reassured, she skip the wedding and go play with kids her age. -END-

II. Producing and interpretation. 

DISCLAIMER : Self-made interpretations as someone who’s into thoughtfull movies. It may changes from one person to another. 

As sais before, it was produced by Bien ou Bien Production which a french production corporation based in Bordeaux. They are producing movies dealing with diversity, social issues, minority representation and religious debunking. They also produced Doucouré’s award winning short film “Mom(s)” that was dealing with the topic of polygamy in Senegal, and was based on her own life. 

Being produced by them again for her long metrage was a financial security and a very good deal. She got a France TV (public channels organisation) financial deal and scored that spot into Netflix international catalog making her one of the only black french-senegalese woman director into the international catalog. 

Obviously, as it is not a movie for children/teenagers, there’s few meanings behind the already well written script : 

Growing up without ressources : Amy is a stereotypical 11yo girl who doesn’t know anything about relationships, sexuality and woman body. It is well know that parents tends to have “the big talk” with their children when they are around 15-17yo, but puberty starts around 13yo and with that : sexual desire discovery, gender identity crises and body changes. Innocents idioms like “you’re a big girl now” or “you’re not a child anymore” shortenned childhood, leaving young girls without ressources to develop themselves and, often, shame to ask for answers.

Female representations and social media : We can’t criticize this movie without putting a context around it. Our society has been developped around certains standards, weither they are socials, professional, personnal... Social media and main stream TV promote a way of life that is unattainable for 90% of us but they give us the opportunity to act “as if”. In this movie, Amy is just like one of us except that she is way too young to understand the behaviour she is immitated. You can see it when she doesn’t understand why her friends are lying about their ages, when she’s pushing a girl into the water (possibly drowning the girl), when she cries on stage in front of those parents judging her... What Doucouré is trying to show us is that little girls are little girls, they aren’t tough enough to be shown anything just because it’s socially accepted. 

Children education :  To me, this is the main purpose of the film, showing that it is important to educate children. Predatory behaviour, public image, false advertisment, relationships... There is no “right time” to talk about it, and most of the parents are too late, the fact is protecting your children is also making them understand why this behaviour is dangerous, why this outfit is innapropriate and never blame your children for mistakes they can make. Amy is the exemple of what could happen if you don’t educate your children, and she is brave enough to rise when her my mom take a step toward her to comfort her. 

Religious family and sexual education :  As an atheist, I won’t talk about metaphors behind the prayers or anything, someone who believe in their God the same way her family does will be more adequate to talk about it. But it is one of the main critic and thus, I have to share facts : The movie isn’t centered around it, the only reason it is here is because they needed a traditional figure such as the aunt, they needed a strict environment such as a religious family and they needed a twist that would put the little girl into a negative feeling, they needed her to ressent her situation as a refugee in order to criticize how it is to grow up without help. So why Islam ? Well, in France, we have two main religions : Roman Catholics and Islam. Using Islam as the main religion of the film helped them showing the good sides of this religion such as love, family devotion and loyalty.  Added 22/08/20 : Islam has a lot of branches like any other religion. In Senegal most muslim practice Soufism, find differences between the way you practice and theirs mights come from that. Especially regarding the hijab, it’s common for young people to wear their hijabs only during ceremonies.

III. Streaming plateform and international public : 

If you’ve read all this, you know now that it isn’t about girls twerking or pedo porn normalization, in fact, until Amy came into the group, the girls are doing basic hip-hop dance (well, at least they try...). So how a movie mostly acclaimed by those who saw it can be the center of such a scandal ? 

Well, first let’s talk about culture appropriation.  As a 25yo white european woman I’ve had my share of culture appropriation story, did I mean anything bad when I did it ? No. Was I ignorant ? Yes. As everybody with a little bit of dignity I reflected on myself and stopped whatever the f*ck I was doing that was innapropriate as a white woman. That said, we can’t denied that the world has absorded some part of the black africans culture when it got popularized.

Twerking is actually a mixed between dances from African diasporas (especially Mapouka and Soukous from Ivory Coast and Congo), it is known nowadays a sensual hiphop dance and there is nothing wrong with doing it when you’re a grown up in your right mind doing whatever you want to do. So why using this dance in the movie ? First, it’s part of the heritage of Amy, a 11yo girl who hasn’t lived in a occidental culture before. Second, it is a way of telling you, public, that what you do has consequences. Suggestive dances on TV, sexualized hiphop dances in the streets, rated r music video available on YT... Adult contents are available anywhere, anywhen by anywho. Children included. It is what the director, who study the subject of the impact of oversexualized content on young girls, is trying to tell you through the film. 

Now, Netflix and the art of communication. Netflix has first released a trailer, a poster and a pitch that aren’t the one used to promote the film in the first place (France included). After the start of the backlash they released another set that are stil not the one used to begin with. Why ? Because Netflix is an industry, they aren’t cinema professionnals, they aren’t critics, they are a company like any others. They didn’t watch the film, didn’t understand it and didn’t advertize it as it should : A movie for adults who want to know what they could do to help the younger generations. 

Because a movie isn’t just for entertainment, there is no film just made to amuse you, everyone is trying to tell something thanks to their art. Yes, those same young girls who acted in the movie won’t be able to watch it because they are too young, not because it is inapropriate but because the subject is too thick for them to understand it fully at such a young age. The way Netflix handle the promotion of this movie was also bad because international public can’t resonnate with it the way we do. And I include myself because I was the age of Amy not long ago, in the same country she came to. Cinemas from every country is proper to this country, we have the chance to be able to watch films from other places made by people whom don’t speak our language, have their own religion or not at all and try to reach us with their own issues and traditions. 

I’m not saying this movie will be the best of this year, and I’m not saying that everything inside of it is perfect, what I’m trying to say is that it’s easier to agree with the majority than to forge your own opinion but if you take the time to watch you’ll be able to understand others and empathize with them. 

I hope it will help some of you understand the purpose of the film, that some will be kind enough to watch it before throwing their critics and that most of you will still enjoy movies for watch the director is trying to say instead of what the politics want you to see.