#and she is tough and the most cruel and wont take any shit

[radioactive-synth]

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[zmayadw]

Hello :) 

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“  I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“  Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“  „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“  „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused.  „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“  I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“  „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“  Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“  „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a  cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

[valhallanrose]

Hey, nobody asked for it, but I did the entire NSFW alphabet for Zelda because I could and here it is on your dash. 

Under 18 don’t interact I’ll die

Anyway horny under the cut 

[A] Aftercare

So here’s the thing about Zelda: she’s got the stamina of someone twice her size. No matter what role her partner takes/she takes, unless she has been completely worn out, she’ll take care of the cleanup/

Her favorite way to relax with her partner afterwards (or between rounds, if they have the energy) is with their head on her chest, so she can wrap her arms around them and run her fingers through their hair. Especially so if their hair is longer - she’ll play with it until she passes out, hand still half woven into the hair at the nape of their neck.

Sometimes, if she’s really into her partner, she’ll weave illusions for them. The ceiling of her room is enchanted, done just so to mirror the stars outside, but she’ll add her own magic to the enchantment so she can pull the stars down to her level. The constellations coalesce, tiny strands of light dancing between her fingers and down her arms, letting her manipulate them into creatures from everywhere between the depths of the sea and the highest mountain’s peak. 

[B] Body Part (their favorite of theirs & their partner)

On herself - she likes her hips. Some of it is utility - balancing a basket is easy between her hand and hip and it’s convenient - and it’s the natural place her hands fall when she’s thinking or talking. But they’re also a good place to squeeze, with just enough softness to her to make it comfortable no matter why you’re clutching her hips.

On her partner - Zelda enjoys people’s hands. Not only for the pleasure they can provide, but also for the stories a person’s hands tell. She’ll take in the scars, the curves, the lines, whether your nails are manicured and well cared for or rough with ages of physical labor. No matter what, she’ll bring their hands to her lips, press a kiss to their knuckles and smile as she gives them a squeeze.

Also, if she’s bottoming and her partner (equipped with a strap or nature’s strap) holds her hand as they’re lining up? Oh my god, she fuckin’ dead

[C] Cum (anything to do with it)

She’s kinda neutral on this one? She doesn’t go wild for it but she doesn’t hate it

Please don’t cum on her face, that will have her nope out of the situation so fast (unless you’re afab in which the answer is please do she’ll feel like she did good)

Amab, just warn her and she’ll swallow instead

And if you want to cum on her, ask, because that’s not always something she’s into anyway. That has weird marking connotations for her. 

She’s more pleased to know that she’s the one who made you feel that good rather than seeing the cum itself

As for her, she eats a lot of fruit, so hers ends up tasting sweet above all else, so if you’re not a fan tough shit because she won’t stop eating her fruit

[D] Dirty Secret

Really wishes someone would just drag her into a private space, pin her up against the wall, and take her right there. Clothing removed beyond the necessary is optional. 

Like...full legs thrown over her partner’s arms, hips slapping together, having to bite down on her hand to keep from alerting anyone that she’s being absolutely railed in the shop’s backroom while loving every second of it. 

She’s normally a ‘soft and slow’ person but that’s been one of her fantasies for a long time and she’s never felt comfortable enough with a partner to ask them to do that

Zelda, you’re drooling, get it together this is only the fourth letter

[E] Experience

Not wildly experienced. I’d say, in any timeline, she’s only had maybe two partners that got to a point of sexual encounter. It’s not that she’s opposed to casual flings (she’s had one or two), she just doesn’t always click with people, and she needs that connection to feel attracted enough to engage in a sexual relationship of any kind.

[F] Favorite Position

Lotus, for sure

She likes riding/being on top but she really generally enjoys the connection of being able to see her partner, kiss them as much as she wants, press her forehead against theirs

But also she’s up for smothering someone in kisses while giggling if they squeeze her sides in a weird way that makes her feel ticklish and that’s easiest to do when you can face your partner

[G] Goofy (are they serious or humorous in bed)

Definitely goofy. She’ll laugh it off when bodies make a weird noise, crack jokes, and bonus points if you dish it back. 

Sex for her is about having a good time, and not just the pleasure aspect of it.

If you’re serious in bed go away her four-poster is for lighthearted sex only

[H] Hair

Definitely keeps things trimmed neatly, because she can’t stand the feeling of it getting long, nor can she even begin to tolerate the feeling of hair growing back after shaving it all off. She’s done that, she regretted it deeply. 

A little lighter than the hair on her head, and let’s be real she probably oils it because she likes being generally soft and also prepared for a hypothetical encounter

[I] Intimacy

Intimacy comes easier to her if you reciprocate, obviously

Spread across the act, from foreplay to aftercare

Lots of gentle touches and soft words of praise 

Feels most connected to someone during sex the more intertwined with them she is - hence why she likes the Lotus position. It’s easy to see them, watch their pleasure, press gentle kisses to their lips and face and smooth back their hair

In a relationship, it’s the most intense way she can show her care for her partner, given that she’s already quite physical

Please cuddle her after she just has so much love in her body for her partner and needs to express it

[J] Jack - off (masturbation hc)

Zelda usually has trouble getting off on her own, so this isn’t something she tries often, but her most successful effort involved a rather potent aphrodisiac and a dildo

With those + her fingers for clitoral stimulation? That’s probably the only time she successfully reached orgasm on her own

Which ties into her biggest kink/preference...

[K] Kink

Overstimulation. 

Since she can’t often climax on her own, and if her partner is willing, she’ll go until she drops

Especially with the combo of g-spot and clitoral stimulation, she’d die and go to heaven

Prefers to be 

Laid out beside her partner so she can kiss them with their hand between her thighs

Straddling their face and grabbing something, be it the headboard or some fixture on the wall

Or laying back on the bed, hands buried in her partner’s hair and her thighs hitched over their shoulder

Do not recommend a sixty-nine if you’re overstimulating her because she will get so into pushing her hips into your face she’ll kinda forget to reciprocate

[L] Location

Prefers to be somewhere private and comfortable, which usually means her home. Otherwise, she is content to have sex involving any surface in her house. 

Except for the shop display case, please don’t make her polish that thing more than she has to she’ll be so salty afterwards

[M] Motivation (turn ons etc)

Intelligence (big brain sexy)

Seeing someone blush

A hand on the small of her back or on her knee

Idle fingers tracing patterns on her thighs, innocently or not so

Someone she’s already attracted to smelling absolutely delectable

Kisses on the inside of her wrist will really get her

So will kissing her freckles

[N] NO (turn offs, deal breakers, things they wont do ever etc) 

Zelda’s only hard no is public sex, because she’s too noisy, but she’s willing to try almost anything at least once

She’s not into receiving pain (save for like, a smack on the ass/a bite/a hickey/etc) and not really into choking (also receiving) but just about anything else is fair game

[O] Orgasm Denial (how do they do it, do they like it done to them)

100% willing to give

Prefers oral as her tool of choice, but will alternate between mouth and hands to offer kisses as her partner settles down

Never cruel about it, always willing to relent if you use your safe word or ask her to let you cum

Really, really doesn’t like receiving

She doesn’t get to get off on her own and she’s not gonna deny herself guaranteed pleasure if she can help it

Will be a no unless she’s been with you long enough to know you won’t leave her high and dry

[P] Pace

Usually prefers softer and slower sex, mostly because she likes taking her time. However, if you’ve been teasing her all day? She will have you pinned to the door of your place or hers before it really has time to shut. 

[Q] Quickie (where, how often, do they like them)

Likes them, but has to be in the mood for them

She doesn’t really like feeling rushed when trying to enjoy herself and make sure her partner is too

However, a promise of a more thorough round later usually is enough to placate her

[R] Risk (experiments, do they like pushing themselves/their s/o)

She’ll try anything once, but don’t spring it on her in the middle of the act. She’d rather sit down with her partner and talk about it, maybe do some research, give her time to understand the best way to go about it and what they need to do it properly. She’s not really spur of the moment. 

However, positions? That she’ll try in a heartbeat. If Zelda could be described by one word, it would be curious.

[S] Stamina

Lots of stamina. Faster sex wears her out more, so her preferred slower pace is part of it, but she just generally has a lot of energy. Could go multiple rounds, and her partner’s recovery time just extends her stamina a bit more. 

Really shouldn’t have this much stamina but part of it comes from a lot of time doing physical work in the shop/her garden so whoops

Cold showers have been a useful tool when she just can’t settle down

[T] Toys (do they own any, do they use them, how often, where)

She has a few different styles of dildos and vibrators that she’s tried to see if she could find something for her that works, but nothing really does, so they’re all shoved in a box under her bed. 

Are aphrodisiacs applicable? Because she absolutely has and will experiment on her own with them, otherwise their involvement is up to her partner

[U] Unfair (how do they tease)

Really dependent on her partner and what she knows gets them going

Generally lots of subtle, under the table touches that could possibly be construed as a mishap

At least until she squeezes your thigh or skims her fingers far too high up for it to possibly be a mistake at all 

[V] Volume (how loud, what do they sound like, what sounds they make)

Very pretty sounds. She won’t get vocal unless her partner explicitly tells her it’s okay, and until then she’ll bite her hand or her lip to keep quiet. 

Not vulgar when she speaks during it - kinda polite, actually, paired with sighs of delight if you oblige any requests she makes (see below for examples if you desire)

“May I touch you here?”

“What are you doing? I can’t kiss you properly if - oh. Oh. No, please, keep going, I -” (cue some mild incoherent babble)

“Please, please, more”

“Yes, hah, right there - oh!”

[W] Wild Card (random NSFW hc)

She broke a headboard one time while riding someone’s face (grabbing onto it) and she’s never been able to look at one the same since

Sometimes in her post-overstimulated orgasm headspace she’ll thank her partner a couple times in this dreamy little voice and kiss the closest part of them she can reach without moving

If you’re overstimulating her, especially if you’ve been at it for a little bit, she’ll start to speak in her native dialect (Neviv/Nevivonic/whatever you hc Julian and Portia to speak. I believe it’s Russian sue me) \If you happen to speak it, she might just cum then and there 

[X] X - ray (what do they have going on under their clothes)

Usually doesn’t end up with matching undergarments but if she does you know she wants to get laid

Lots of lacy underthings and thin bralettes because full bras are The Devil, typically bright colors for fun

If she’s feeling really saucy, she’ll go with a full bralette/panties/garter belt/stockings combo just to really show off for her partner once the outer layers come off

Usually she just ends up laying around her house in nothing but her panties and knee socks that match in no other way but height and texture

She has a near perfect heart shaped birthmark, right where her inner left thigh meets her pelvis. She likes it, but teasing her about it or kissing it will make her both melt and go cherry red.

Fun fact: if you leave a hickey anywhere near it, that’ll get her going like nobody’s business

[Y] Yearning (how often to they think of sex, how long can they go without it etc)

She can go without it for a while, but she’s got a high sex drive, so she doesn’t want to

Sex really only comes to Zelda’s mind when her partner does something that really gets to her (see Motivations)

Willing to Yearn if she’s not sure the sexual feelings are reciprocated

[Z] Zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep, do they snuggle, etc) 

Very affectionate and very cuddly. Catch her with her forehead pressed to her partner’s, giggling a little as she rubs her nose against theirs, smiling into kisses and burying her face in their hair as she lets her hands wander idly. 

However, unless you’ve totally worn her out, don’t expect her to fall asleep right away. 

One time she cleaned the whole shop after masturbating at like four AM and she’s never gotten it that clean again

[do-what-the-knight-tells-you]

So I saw a post on here talking about how, when you take the shit Geralt says in the TV series at face value, it’s unbelievably hurtful and cruel towards Jaskier, just, downright mean, and callous, and designed to make Jaskier feel he’s wasted two decades of his life.

But I hate that, because it makes me sad, and on a rewatch, I found an alternate take.

So whether Geralt is neurodivergent in a way we recognize clinically (ASD perhaps? I won’t address that here, but I love Autistic!geralt headcanons), or whether he’s just built himself a particularly abrasive method of interaction over 100 years of shit, prejudice, and abuse, his really rough, rude abrasive words towards Jaskier are not genuine.

And I would expect/choose to believe, that if Jaskier has continued their companionship over two decades, he has not only recognized this about Geralt, but decided he’s more or less okay with it.

So I had the thought particularly during the djinn episode– saw it pointed out somewhere, how un-comforting Geralt is when the elf-healer tells Jaskier the Djinn-curse can kill him. Jaskier turns, desperate, scared, says “fuck, Geralt!” and Geralt sort of awkwardly pats him on the back and says “yeah, we’re not gonna let that happen” in a fairly begrudging way, as if suggesting that the whole situation isn’t that big a deal.

So what if that response has less to do with not caring, with being callous towards Jaskier’s life and fear, and more with either a genuine awkwardness and discomfort with the idea of comforting someone, he really doesn’t know what to say, he’s not used to being a comfort (most ppl are scared enough of him that even when he rescues them, they’d still prefer he left than comfort them in any way), and he’s probably received very little comfort in his life, doesn’t know how to do it, and is barely experienced with the idea of admitting one might want or need it.

And/or, we see the candid, unemotional way he reacts to the ghoul bite in ep7, to the knowledge that he’s seconds from death. So clearly the smooth, stoic, sarcastic, unaffected thing is his usual method of handling scary shit. He doesn’t even raise his voice unless it might help (i.e. out-yelling Yennefer to be heard over the djinn-hurricane, hoping that he can persuade he to give up the really terrible course of action she’s on that’s gonna kill her).

So the other part of it could totally be a case of him downplaying the danger, trying not to think, speak, allude to, mention the danger, possibly as his own coping mechanism (a lot easier to be “fearless” when you repress the shit out of whatever might scare you. if you never let yourself think about the possibility that things might go horribly wrong, then it’s a lot easier to conduct yourself as if nothing bad might happen).

So when he awkwardly pats Jask on the back, distractedly, begrudgingly, patronizingly says, “yeah, we wont let that happen.” It’s genuine awkwardness, and/or a coping mechanism to not let himself think about how bad it is (focus on the solution, not the problem, solve this one, and then the next, etc��� he’d do a good job surviving alone on Mars, I think), and/or an attempt to keep Jask calm by not validating his panic, like how if you don’t make a big deal out of a kid’s scraped knee, sometimes then the kid doesn’t panic either and it’s fine.

And likely Jaskier has been his companion long enough to know some of that, maybe even to actually be comforted by Geralt’s lack of panic. Imagine how goddamn frightening it’d be if your super brave/tough/stoic friend actually looked scared.

(the line, when the elf dude starts talking about how in love with Yennefer Geralt must be, when Geralt says “you’re making me uncomfortable?” It’s definitely a funny line, but also it’s possibly genuine. Geralt genuinely expressing himself)

And then later in the episode, Jaskier delivers that line about “wait, is this the moment you decide to finally care about someone other than yourself?” We literally saw him drop everything, ride across the countryside (putting you on Roach, which he never does), seek help from several unknown sources, including this sketchy sorceress chick (and he admits to her and the audience that his concern over saving Jask’s life was such that he A: skipped the opportunity to seek help for his tortuous insomnia issue and B: was more than a bit willing to sell himself into indentured servitude/ something that looked a bit like prostitution)…

Like, fuck off, it’s clear he cares an awful lot about you Jask, and you have to know that. so are YOU being cruel back? or, are you playing along with what Geralt seems to be comfortable with, caring about you so long as neither of you look at that straight-on, or make him talk about it.

-

okay, so than the mountain-top divorce. like, Geralt’s p harsh through a lot of that episode, but there is a tiny bit of playfulness I think still in that dig about worthy travel companions. And if this is a method of talking to each other that they engage in regularly, that Jaskier willingly keeps subjecting himself to…

and then Jask comforts Geralt after the mountain crossing, and when he floats the bit about them traveling together again (maybe implying that these recent adventures are new-ish again, perhaps after a period of separation, perhaps Geralt is extra harsh… perhaps this is a normal-ish thing that Jask has noticed, that Geralt is always more brusque, more accidentally hurtful rather than just dry, right at the beginning or end of their travels together, a defense mechanism of sorts? protecting himself from the pain of separation he’s trying not to acknowledge even exists?) anyway, he floats the line, and I’m p sure Geralt nods.

Jaskier seems to know him pretty damn well.

So none of this makes what Geralt says not shitty, and not hurtful, but rather than let myself wallow in the idea that Jask is completely devastated, feels he’s wasted twenty years of his life on a person who is literally ready to throw him away…

Hopefully not. Hopefully he knows Geralt well enough not to… not to give him a pass, necessarily, Geralt def needs to learn from and atone for that really gross behavior… but enough to know that Geralt’s just very bad, unpracticed, and a bit oblivious when it comes to hurt feelings, to understand that Geralt’s just in a shitty toxic place, that it’s got nothing to do with Jask, that the best thing for all of them is for him to remove himself as a target and let Geralt sort his shit out in his own.

That Jask knows this is one of those times where he can trust his friend with his body, but not his feelings/heart.mind/energy, and he needs to take care of himself first.

So hurt, yeah, but not like devastated, knowing that Geralt didn’t mean his words, but did mean, in that moment, to hurt Jask genuinely and drive him off, not in the light-brusque-teasing way that they sometimes have between them. Knowing both that Geralt was reacting to Yennefer, to other hurts, not to Jask, but also knowing that Geralt was willing to put his own momentary vindictive satisfaction over Jaskier… and so knowing that is was time for them to part for a while, for his own sake. That pushing through at this time was gonna be more masochistic than beneficial or productive, so it was time to look after his own mental health.

Like, this is sort of a pattern I’ve seen in folks in the real world. There’s someone close to me who struggles with some nasty bipolar shit (he’s not found a good med combo for him yet, and even when he’s in a more healthy place, lots of his tools and learned behaviors are mostly crappy still from years of this barely coping while undiagnosed), and sometimes he’s cruel as hell, usually when he hates himself the most, and is lashing out partly in an attempt to get you to say nasty shit back, and justify both his resentment of you, and his belief that he is a worthless shitty person.

And when he’s in those periods, it behooves many of us to just… walk away. like, if you can be/are willing/able to be the person that supports someone through that kind of shit, that’s totes your call to make, and might be a really awesome thing for that person (and that’s where professional help and support can also be awesome! Ppl who have trained to be able to hear the bad shit without taking it personally, and to still be able to guide you to better tools afterwards!)

But sometimes, you also have to take your own health and energy and stuff into account and go “I know this person is being a cruel asshole because they are sick and/or hurting… but also I do not need to swallow the shit just cuz there’s an explanation. so imma peace out until they get their shit together a little more, and are gonna be less toxic/hurtful to me, stop taking it out on people. I can help them, maybe, but their mental health is NOT my sole responsibility, and I do a disservice to both of us if I decide it is, and abdicate personal responsibly for my OWN health in the process.” Put on your own mask first, and all that.

(I’ve seen this in alcoholics I know, as well, and the other side of that is letting them know “hey, I know you feel like you have no control, but one area where you do have some, is how you treat people. and if you’re acting like an asshole, then ppl won’t want to be treated that way. They aren’t leaving because You suck, they are leaving because Your Behavior sucks, and if you want to be around them in future, you should maybe work on your behavior. You are not inherently a Mean Person, but the things you do and say to people are Mean, and they don’t need to sit there and let themselves be abused” Like, it is possible to be ill, and make mistakes!, without being consistently cruel to folk.)

So, magical shenanigans and hissy-fits not a perfect analogy for BD, but it resonated a bit, so I figured I’d share

[pwnyta]

POKEMON DOODLES. BETCHA DIDNT SEE THAT COMING.

These mediocre doodles are mostly for Omi. Theyre not even real characters from the games/show... its just... dont worry about it. Since im lazy its all just sketchy doodles. ((A shit ton of them under the cut!))

Hugo (Nat- ):

Candy (Nat- Naive): A not all together newbie. Im sure she was delighted to get he codename... and then less delighted that there was someone already called ‘Candyman‘.

Scarecrow or just ‘Crow’ (Nat- Modest): A spooky man who’ll fit whatever roll he needed for. Very flexible. Has an easy personality to deal with though hes not very forthcoming about himself personally... might be better in a job like this.

Lock (Nat- Quiet):

Doc (Nat- Careful): He has a lot of information on almost everyone... aside from Sickle whos doctor is Emanuel. Hes not a fighter and refuses to evolve because his tail was mutilated and he can be a Slowbro anymore. Hes somehow gained a weirdly dark organ harvester rep... maybe because hes rarely seen and peoples imagination go wild... but to the people under his care hes just a nice, tiny guy who does a good job of patching them up quickly. He will smuggle drugs however because now he gets to work in better conditions under Sickle... hes also got a strange morbid sense of humor.

Wisp (Nat- Hasty): An ice queen type, kinda haughty and smug but shes got the skills to back that up so no one can talk shit. Like ‘sure shes an asshole... but shes not wrong‘. She tries to work WITH people just so she can get them the fuck away from her as quickly as possible. She doesnt appreciate people overstaying their welcome and prefers to go solo. If she needs a partner she prefers another woman or at least a pretty man... but someone like Link or Skim would be better.

Skim (Nat- Sassy): Honestly just a nod to Catwoman in general.

Father (Nat- Serious): A very religious man, mute, demands perfection. If you work for him and fuck up and embarrass him youre in for a world of hurt.  No matter how fond he may seem to be towards someone this is true. He doesnt play favorites and he doesnt want anyone under him to stagnate. You push yourself or HE’LL PUSH YOU. The operatives working under him are jokingly referred to as his ‘kids‘. Toward his equals he can be respectful... or maybe just tolerant.

Perma (Nat- Adamant): A cruel efficient lady. Has a thing for blades which is possibly why she has no trouble working for a guy like Sickle. The fact hes not interested piques her interest in him even more.

Gadget (Nat- Rash): Tries to be a fun gamer girl but her short temper makes it hard. Some suggest her codename should be ‘Tripwire‘ because of how unpredictably dangerous she can be... but she disagrees BECAUSE SHES A FUCKING DELIGHT. Can be a bit of a troll... and not the goofy fun kind (the malicious I’ll ruin your life if you cross me kind).

Blink (Nat- Calm) A Very obedient and very smart. Has a really droning dull voice and never loses his temper. Hes good at calming a certain Luxray down.

Mele (IDK)

Wool (Nat- Sassy) Plays dumb and pretty but hes rather clever and is a fun loving fella. Has a French accent. Master of disguise!

Wreckingball (Nat- Hardy): Has no real talent or skill. Hes just a tough bastard you call in if you need to fuck some shit up. Hes probably one of the more pleasant agents in Sickles crew and is chummy... probably not the greatest idea considering his coworkers are a bunch of shady assholes.

Mittens (Nat- Jolly): Hes another rather nice agent of Sickles. But hes not a dumbass like Wreckingball and has become of the head of the Sigma divison. He is a bit reckless tho. He can shoot his arms off and use them as weapons so he occasionally wears prosthetic arms and spends a lot of time with Doc.

Prick (Nat- Impish) Hes a smarmy lad who enjoys talking vaguely and annoying people. HIS NAME IS APPROPRIATE AND HE LOVES IT.

River (Nat- Naughty): Flirty and dangerous. Hes a killer but hes quick and efficient doesnt draw out anyones death. Not because hes nicer or squeamish or anything its because torture isnt in his job description. Hes great at getting people to think he honestly cares and like using built trust to crush his victims. He also like cucumbers! He somehow gets along well with Madam even though theyre both just being fake bitches.

Madam (Nat- Mild): Looks very dainty and delicate and uses peoples desire to please a pretty woman to take advantage of them. Shes not shy about minor edits to peoples memories to help her get away even though its illegal.

Cleo (Nat- Docile):

Cresent the Shiny Lycanroc (dusk form. Nat- relaxed)

Link the Golisopod (Nat- Quiet)-

Methuselah the Drampa (Nat- Mild)

Viola the Chatot (Nat- Naughty)

Sandstorm the Flygon (Nat- Adamant)... Her personality is like that of a strict teacher dont let her have a ruler unless you wanna get spanked. Shes neat and detail oriented and because shes so outwardly respectable... no one would ever suspect shes a fucking thief. Shes a collector of rare and valuable books and of course prefers original copies. Her social skills arent grea unless shes pretending to be someone shes not and gets embarrassed if she reveals too much about herself to anyone.

Cavendish the Tropius (Nat- Lax). Her personality is like shes on autopilot, she gets shit done but shes sorta checked out. Shed much rather just stay home but she also got expensive tastes and shes not rich.

Alkaloid (Nat- Lonely): A gloomy lass that craves companionship. Shes not great at making connections to people which is fine for her position but really wants to have someone to click with. After she lost her eye she became even more distant with people. Shes rather fond of Doc though their relationship is rather one sided... her projecting some strange friendship on him because he cares for her and keeps her secrets... but hes a doctor and its kind of his job.

Blanco (Nat- Quirky): A vain dramatic ladies man. Is a skilled in his job (of course) but he hates when hes gotta tone back his extravagant life. After a long job he likes to surround himself with lively people and have some fun. He thinks he works VERY well with others and thinks himself a perfect partner.... most find him obnoxious and a lot have told him so... he just takes all criticism as jokes and lets it roll off him. If nothing else hes very positive!

Mistletoe (Nat- Serious): He seems cold and scary but hes a man of honor (for a guy who tortures people for a living anyway). He refuses to harm anyone weaker than him and is very caring of children and will step in if he sees some injustice if he can. Rouge agents, traitors,and shit like that though... hes ruthless and is very good at prying information out of them.  His hobby of developing new and dangerous poisons/chemicals are often tested on whoever hes toying with. ((He should have spots on the light red parts of his jacket... I forgot them IDK how OH WELL. I wanna tweak his costume a bit anyways. Vileplume colors are so bleh.))

Dust (Nat- Calm): Outwardly very charming but theyre not as sweet as they seem on the inside. Dust doesnt need to bring their victims in any kind of room to do their dirty work and prefers using their dust and psychic abilities to just mind fuck their victims into submission.

The Candyman the Alolan Muk (Nat- Quiet) is an annoyingly patient man and the perfect guy to call if you need to teach someone a lesson. If no one else can do it... THE CANDYMAN CAN. IDK what that Mr Mime did but he pissed Sickle off... Candyman has one weak point and thats his poor eyesight... and he’ll get very annoyed if you touch his glasses.

Doc gets a penpal.

BB Sparky helps Boat be a Pichu with the clever use of feathers and a pink marker.

Lees a hit with his mommas work friends.

Lee and his kids. (Sam and Sparky are his kids occasionally.) Hes a stronk boy but his health isnt the best... even Sam can feel a little guilty and worried when he causes trouble for his friend.

Alex is not an easy man to anger and hes very dangerous when hes angry but no matter how pissed off he is... just seeing Lee can sweep that all away. Alex can get away with a lot... but Lee still wont let him wear his preferred fighting attire. QQ so mean.

I revamped Boats friend Arcane. Hes a cop. ...he mostly hangs out with other dogs but also Boat. Nice guy, very righteous but also kind of a prideful asshole sometimes.

Ray revamp.

I made Sandy shiny because the black looked cool.

Some cops.

Another scientist

TAPUS!!!

Halos childhood friend turned criminal.

Stan and Davy fam!! Stans mum is a detective, his dad is a stay at home dad.

Davys mum is an ~*~ARTIST~*~ especially in fashion but shes flexible and creative... and very spontaneous and his dad is former military turned workhorse for his wife. Hes good at sewing with all his tentacles.

Although her desire to have a kid was random and ill thought out... they werent as awful at being parents as he thought.

Another Ray! Mega Manectric and Hebenon.

BB Pokemon Quest crew.

I forgot to add Ho-Oh Lugia

And the trios.

[isroselalondebisexual]

if you have the time/patience to look over these troll kids, i would be so happy! ^ㅂ^ john captor, rose zahhak, jade makara, and dave serket! if dave serket makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to analyze him! (i also apologize if my english seems awkward, not my first language! ^^;)

Your English is just fine honey!

John Captor, raised on the lower cusp of middle class but not quite there, with crazy psii powers and a lusus that loves him, but is also something of a giant (heheh) handful. John would probably try to raise bees, realize that’s a LOT OF WORK, and just buy mind honey to feed biclopsdad from then on. Someone else can raise bees and sell honey he’s perfectly content being a patron of someone else’s hard work. Probably tries to get into coding but, predictably, still sucks at it despite being a troll now, bc that was never really a “yellowblood” trait as much as it was a “Sollux” trait. John and Karkat (if he exists in these?) pretending to be competent coders at each other while both of them just suck, respectively, is a hilarious idea btw. Probably tries to run a trolltube channel where he does speedruns through various games, but it devolves into Mcelroy-esque nonsense where he godmods everything (look at him, being a CODER, he’s so HARDCORE with his CODING) and proceeds to do the DUMBEST shit. A real comedian, that fella. Has NO IDEA how to fix things, the most you can get out of him is an awkward joke with a pat on the back and more frequently he just shuts down emotionally and stares at things as they go wrong, but he IS a very good listener, he’ll make you feel comfortable and listened to, he naturally mimics the posture of the people who’re distressed (like in canon) but just because he’s very very empathetic doesn’t mean he has ANY idea how to go about helping with that aside from listening and offering his shoulder to cry on. As Heir of Doom, he and Mituna share a classpect, which means Bad End: he becomes doomed and gets fucked over BIG time, Good End: he comes to terms with himself and his own way of experiencing the world and interacting with others, and embraces himself fully, the good and the bad, and doesn’t sweat the small stuff.

Rose Zahhak, raised on the underside of RIDICULOUSLY WEALTHY, where propriety is stressed heavily and she can have anything she wants, so long as she bows down to those “above” her, and her lusus cares deeply about her, but also kinda lets her get away with most things. Also, she’s freaky mutant strong and has piss poor control over it. She’s gonna have the trademark Zahhak frustration-anger-breakshit-further frustration-more anger- break more shit-get even MORE frustrated- anger cycle. The idea that society will give her anything- not because she’s earned it or because she deserves it- but because she was born into it, would initially be appealing, but she would be expected to subject herself to the whims of those colder than her, and she would, well, absolutely fucking hate that. Tear it all down, tear down all society, it’s broken beyond fixing, nothing good can be tweaked or edited into existence, burn burn burn it all. As Seer of Void, she’d at first be amazed that she’s not a Rage player, that would make more SENSE that’s what she’s ABOUT, but slowly, slowly it would start to make sense. A Seer of Void is one who can see potential, someone who can see what would rise from those ashes, someone who can take her anger and guide the world into SOMETHING out of the nothingness that she sees everywhere he looks, the nothingness that consumes her, the lack of value placed on every troll, on her friends, the senselessness of her society that doesn’t make any kind of REASONABLE decisions. She craves order, something sensible, which she never finds in the society she was raised in so once it’s down, she’s the one that guides them into building anew.

Jade Makara, then, is the one to bring it down. Raised alone at the oceanside, without even the benefit of a dog or chessfolk to chat with, I can imagine her frustration and short fuse that we see in canon would get even worse, clinging to her friends as her one remaining scrap of sanity in a society that doesn’t make sense. Jade & Rose moirallegiance is… good… two girls complaining about society, how it sucks, even though they’re the people who are supposed to be BENEFITING from it it’s still BULLSHIT! Why are so many people okay with this! Jade and Rose bounce off each other, frustrated and also Jade would probably feel kinda guilty about it all. Why is she “higher” than anybody else? It wouldn’t sit well with her, but also she’s ONE PERSON and society is a LARGE AND COMPLEX THING. Rose’s talk of tearing it all down, just burning it all to the ground and starting anew would sound… pretty fucking nice, actually, but while Rose would be more wont to just bitch about it, Jade is more a woman of action, and she doesn’t have a centaurmom patting her back and telling her to chill, she doesn’t really have any mom at all, since seagoatmom seems to have better things to do than take care of her child. Jade would want to somehow destroy society without killing everybody- that would be cruel, but how else would they start anew? The Game settles this issue for her, (un)luckily. As Witch of Rage, hers is the task to take her anger, her frustration, the injustices she feels buried deep in her soul, and use those to incite CHANGE. Working together with Rose, Jade will be the force to tear it all down, and Rose shall pry a path of righteousness out from the darkness. Idk how Jade would interact with the cult, tbh, I feel like she might enjoy the juggalo stuff while she’s little, but eventually grow away from it when the violence and hemoclassim starts to sit ill with her. She likes the clowns and mirth part, less the messiahs and murder bits.

Dave Serket (I don’t mind, it’s just Vr*ska/Aran*a/M*ndfang that I get VERY UNCOMFORTABLE about) is raised on the high edge of the middle class, with a piece of shit lusus that makes him kill. Dave would, too, he’s a people-pleaser, and we know from canon that his guardian is someone he wants to please VERY badly. Spiderdad is nasty and awful and abusive and forces Dave- who does not like death or danger or hurting others at all- to do dangerous things and hurt and kill others. Puts forth a coolkid exterior, acts unbothered by the atrocities Spiderdad forces him to commit, acts tough and untouchable and aloof but in reality he craves validation, someone to listen to him. He wants, desires, craves intimacy, but the idea of opening up to another person causes visceral, abject horror within him at the very thought. As Knight of Light, his job is to protect luck and knowledge, which he thinks is a STUPID role, wtf. Probably fucks right off his planet and goes and chills with John for a while, and they both come to terms with themselves together, going through their personal journeys side by side. John would be critical in Dave’s journey, someone empathetic, someone who listens but offers no judgement, someone who believes Dave and doesn’t just go “We’re trolls what do you expect.” He lets Dave spill his guts to him over and over and over again, and Dave is almost ravenously protective of John, who he considers himself incredibly lucky to have in his life. Rose and Jade, too, Dave would give anything for, in part because his childhood has conditioned him “if you love someone, sacrifice for them” but also in part because he’s just a really loving dude and he’d do anything for his friends because he adores them. 

[hazzard0us]

I am not the girl I used to be

I was having a conversation with someone I’ve known for quite some time today, and mid conversation he says “Bullshit. That doesn't sound like you” which lead to me replying: “I’m not me anymore. And I’m even less me now that I’ve lost Kasper.” (Kasper was my dog, who I had since he was only 1 pound 3 ounces, he died last week. He was 6 and a half). The conversation continued: “All I do now days is work, or sleep, I seclude myself from those around me. That little dog was all I had left in this cruel world, and now I’m just alone.” and he asked me “what about ***** isn’t he your man?” My answer: “He’s there but he’s not. He’s dealing with his own shit & so am I. Our schedules are opposite, he works mornings. I work nights. I barely talk to my mom. I’m not who I was. And I just lost what was left of me. No one gets it. But they all wonder why I’m quiet or have’t been around. Why I’m always tired even when I just wake up. Why my eyes are red or why I just stopped caring. They all want to ask but no one gives a fuck about the answer.” He countered with: “Lets run away” & though none of this was on my mind he managed to get the most out of my answers tonight: “There’s nothing for me to run from. Doesn’t matter where I go. I will be empty. I will have this hole in me. I will just be the shell of who I was when I felt alive. I wont be better. If I run away I will leave the only things that spark any light in me anymore. I’m not saying I’m alive, but every now and again someone here gets me to smile like I mean it.” And he says: “Not run, get away. Start over. I want to.” Again after I respond I realize I am less and less of the person I used to be and more of someone I don’t know. “There’s no starting over for me. I tried that. It didn’t work. I got some amazing people put into my life but it still ended up not better. The pain is still there. I’m not saying don’t try to start over, I’m saying for me its not worth it. I’ll be empty no matter where I go or how I try to start over....I’ve come to terms with it. So I just take it day by day. Work. Sleep. Repeat.” He says “I wish I could.” And I tell him “You don’t want to be a zombie. It’s what I’ve become. I’ve become good at faking a smile and making everyone believe I am the happiest person in the world. I’m good at pretending everything is fine, when in reality everything is a mess...I’m trying but there’s not much left worth fighting for.”

Having this conversation put me in tears. That little ball of fur was the last link between who I was, who I truly liked being and to who I have become. He was the realest mf on my team. He was love and loyalty at its finest. He would have given his life to save mine and I wish I could have given my life to save his. I have been a wreck since I lost him, and I have comments all across the board about it, from “He was just a dog” to “get a new one” to “its because he has been there through every terrible thing that has happened in your life.” Those who really know me know he was NOT just a dog. He was my best friend. He was tiny but mighty. And I have been a wreck since I lost him. I don’t even recognize myself, that spark has dulled the day he died. I asked my mom the other night why does it hurt worse to lose an animal then to lose a human and she told me it didn’t that this was just fresh so it seems that way. I was talking to one of my best friends today about missing my dog and how I’ve been even worse since I’ve lost him and she said “Well yeah, you had him through all these tough times, I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been, dogs are so pure that it hurts as much or even more the losing a person. Dogs never betray or judge, they are just better then us.” And it was when she said that, that I remembered reading about a 6 year old who explained why dogs lives are shorter then ours. He said: “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right” he continued “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.” This was one of the purest things I have ever read, a 6 year old explaining to his parents and the vet why their family dog couldn’t live as long as we do. Kids hearts are so pure and they tell us exactly how they feel. Sometimes we just need to listen. 

I have never felt so alone in my life.  Kasper wasn't just a dog, he was truly my best friend, he was my kid. He was there when my first dog passed away, and when my daughter died, he was there thru all the toughest parts of my life, except for this. I am so broken. I catch myself full on tears at the most random moments, I still find myself looking for him when I wake up half asleep and hes not there, I got him registered as my ESA because he stopped my anxiety attacks, he knew before they came and would jump up into my lap, he was small but he would have risked his life to save mine. He got in between my Ex and I countless times trying to protect me, he was tiny but mighty, and I would have given my life to save his. That little mutt was my entire world and now hes just gone. And I will never be the same. I lost the last part of who I was. Now I’m searching to find who I’ve become.

[phantom-jade]

So Im watching the show 13 reasons why on Netflix, only half way through but needed to say something. If your suffering from a loss of a suicide or are suicidal yourself or having mental health problems i would not recommend watching it, or at least with someone you can trust and talk to. Also does cover a few mature things so please do be careful as it some f**ked S*** . It is good but please do take care of yourself.

But I wanted to say somethings about it and some experiences of my own and how it helped understand a few thing and how I end up relating an awful lot to the main dead girl.

obviously mentions suicide and a some pretty bad experiences and s*** Ive been through and probably wont be censoring swear words below the cut

You have been warned.

p.s if american schools are anything  like what that series show. I feel sorry for you Americans

First of all I don’t want to worry anyone and let people know though I do get suicidal thoughts I could never act it out. In fact the show clearly shows what happens afterwords and I could never let any of my friends or family go through that shit with the aftermath. basically though I may not care much about myself I care enough about others that it stops me and  knowing that god loves me even i sometime feel lie a shit bag helps too. So it helping me a an odd way. Also I am only taking in chunks 1 or 2 episodes at once max and then something happy afterwords to help.

I relate with Hannah baker a lot more then I’m comfortable with. In two of the tapes she even shown two conclusions that i have come too over the years. May give it slightly different names but they are very similar, The butterfly effect/choas theory (everything affects everything weather its small or bigger) and no-one knows what in anyone head (or as i call it everyone’s reality and experiences are different and are never the same) and I’m only halfway through. Also been through some of the shit that she has and school is a very tough place. I think many adults can forget how cruel children/teenager can be and how it can be a very bad melting pot.

I went  to school that no longer exists in name or building it failed the governments standards so badly (ofstead for the British), and started to happen only one year after I left and completely shut down four years after I left. Most of that time in that school I was friendless and was bullied during most of my school years. I don’t remember much from school but that probably a protective mechanism my brain put in place. But I’ve been called every name under the sun, kicked punched , made fun of had rocks thrown at me, had people who I thought I trusted but then find out they were only using me, being spat on, had pig heart thrown at me , been chased around the school grounds etc... I probably been through all. And on top of it so adult believed me when I asked for help, so learned not to ask for help (still trying to undo that side of me years down the line) But I made it through. Not fully sure how but I did. And if your going through any of the shit too please ask for help even if it just people on line. Ask me even though I don’t know how much I’ll be. But You can make it through, You are strong!

It also helped me understand my friend lilly suicide at little better, she killed herself at the same age and it she had been through that shit to then I can understand her better. Also can get a grasp and why of two of her friends, who have been in contact with me and we shared art works of lily’s, are literary at each others throats. The blame game is coming into play and obliviously her death has had a major impact on their lives and no doubt affected their health. 

So this show even though it may be digging up some bad memories is helping me to understand things better and I’m thankful of that

not quite sure what this is but I needed it out so here it is

If you’ve been affect by any of this things too, please so ask for help

and your suicidal please so say something and know that you are not alone, your are important, you are loved, you are strong, you are beautiful and You MATTER!!!!!!!!! please so use this post to get in touch with someone who can help!