#and she doesn’t pick herself to win grammys

[greenlight]

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[naturesapphic]

Idk if u saw the interview of the hot chicken wings with billies but Can u write a fic with Billie and un doing this interview!! And like billie letting yn win bc she loves seeing yn happy! (I don’t know if u should do it with little yn or « big » yn so u decide!!!!)

Hot Ones: Versus

Billie eilish x fem!reader

Warnings: cussing, fluff, Billie being a little simp for her girl

Word count: 1,967

“You spin it baby. You’ve been wanting to.” Billie said with a teasing smile on her face. I leaned over to spin the hot sauce bottle and it lands on Billie. “You go first bils!” You said excitedly as Billie smiles at your cuteness. “Yep it’s my turn. Go ahead and hit me with it mamas.” Billie said confidently. “As a songwriter there’s a constant need to document your innermost thoughts and feelings. Read your last notes app entry out loud.” I ask and Billie smiles as she pulls her phone out of her baggy pants. “Ruh roh.” She sings out in a funny voice you love so much.

Billie starts to go through her phone and lets out her loud laugh that always makes you giggle. “Y’all it’s a quote from my dad.” Billie says and keeps laughing. “I was talking to my friend nat the other day and nat said you literally have the most beautiful eyes I’ve seen except for maybe your dad.” Billie explains and you agree with her. “Your mom has really beautiful eyes too.” You said and Billie agrees with you. “100%. Most beautiful eyes ever for two parents. Anyway I was telling my dad this and he goes your mom said I have bird eyes.” She said while sticking her pointed finger up making you laugh. “Then he said and that I look like a baby Dinosaur.” Billie giggles out and you kept laughing, almost losing your breath.

You looked over to see Maggie laughing and agreeing with Billie. Billie looked over and saw her mom agreeing and Billie points to her “she’s like yep. She’s like yeah.” Billie says as she looks back over to you. “Okay my turn!” Your girlfriend says excitedly as she picks up one of the cards and starts reading. “Can you guess one of the pet peeve’s Billie has of you.” She said out loud and you looked at her shocked. “I didn’t know you had pet peeves over me!” You said gasping dramatically as Billie looks around nervously. “Uhhh not really but there’s this one this you do that I absolutely hate and it’s because finneas does this too.” She explains and you immediately knew what she was talking about. “Me and finneas will put our feet up on stuff a lot.” You said and Billie nods as she giggles.

“A lot of the time finneas is barefoot while you usually have your socks on. Sometimes y’all will wear your gross shoes and have y’all’s feet up still.” Billie explained and went ahead and moved some of the food away so she could prop her feet up to show everyone how y’all do it. “And my face is like right there.” She laughs out and puts her feet down. It was now round two and it was your turn now to ask her another question. “In addition to being a Grammy award winning singer, you’re also a style icon. Rate these classic billie eilish fits on a scale of 1 to 10.” You read out and Billie groans as you gather the pictures together. “Jeez…” she mutters to herself.

“We’re gonna give that like a three.” She said about the camo outfit. “I had the idea, the idea was there. I had grey sweatpants on, I had a camouflage vest. It really doesn’t look good on though.” Billie explained and you gave her a pout. “I thought it looked amazing on you bils!” You said and Billie felt her cheeks heat up at your compliment. “This is cute!” You say as you pull up the next picture that was of Billie wearing a sailor moon outfit. “That was cute. I give it like a 7/8. All things anime is like the coolest shit ever. I feel like anytime I have a shirt that has any sort of anime character on it, it’s the coolest shirt I own.” Billie explains and you nod your head in agreement. You put up the next picture and the both of you ooh at it.

“This was a person whose shit did not stink.” Billie said while you gave her a confused look. “Well she thought her shit did not stink.” She corrected as you smiled at her. “I remember walking around this specific event being just like I am absolutely the sickest person in the world.” She said as she told the story of the photo. This time billie went over and picked up the next one which was her “assassin’s creed” outfit she wore. “Oh look it’s the assassin’s creed look!” You said while giggling. “It’s kind of hard. I feel like that’s an eight. This is so embarrassing.” She said as she looks around the room.

“Now it’s my turn to ask you. What’s the worst celebrity you’ve ever met?” Billie asked and you sat there quietly for a while, trying to think of an answer because you didn’t want to eat the hot wing. “I’m trying not to punch down.” You said not really thinking and Billie laughed. “Try not to punch down did you say?” She said confused. “Yeah I could punch way down.” You said giggling and the two of you laughed. You whined a bit as you couldn’t come up with an answer so you take a bite of your chicken wing. “Whew…that’s hot…but it’s really yummy. It’s probably because I’m hungry as fuck.” You said while wincing slightly. “Same.” Billie agreed as you picked up a card to ask her a question. “Couple test. I’m going to write down my answer and you have to guess my response. Guess wrong and eat a death wing.” You said dramatically.

“What is my favorite song of yours baby?” You ask and she makes a thinking face as she starts to write down her answer but then stops and then goes back to writing again. “Do you have it?” You asked and she nodded as she picks up her board and shows you her answer. “Nope that’s not it baby. But that one is one of my favs but it’s y/f/b/s (your favorite Billie song).” You replied and Billie lets out an ohhhhh. “That’s a great answer babygirl.” She says and you feel your cheeks become redder and it wasn’t because of the chicken. “I wanna eat a wing” Billie said in her baby voice she does and you coo at her. “Well you did get the answer wrong sooooo…take a biteee babyyy.” You said smiling as she gets excited to eat it.

She takes a decent bite and makes a mmm noise. “This is fire.” She says and you laugh loudly as she enjoys it. One of the people behind the camera asked if the spice was kicking in yet for her. “I think so. It’s getting a little hard to think.” Billie states and does a little smile and burps which makes you chuckle at her behavior. “You’ve never been shy about giving credit to your early musical influences. Now that your heroes have become your peers. Rank these artists from most to least talented.” You ask and gave her a shocked expression to which she matched that expression with you.

“Ooh….who?” She asked you and you grimaced at what you were about to say. “Tyler the creator, Lana del ray, childish Gambino, and Justin Bieber.” You said and Billie groaned. “Oh my God….most to least talented?” She asked and you nodded. “I don’t know if I can do it.” She said and laughed nervously. “Well baby eat a death wing im afraid.” You said and she grabbed her vegan wing. “It’s the lips that are the problem. The mouth and tongue is fine.” She said as she goes in and takes a bite on the top. You decided to eat one since you were starving and you regretted it. “Fuck! That’s so fucking hot…” you breathed out as you felt like you were gonna pass out. “You okay mamas? You can have milk or water if you want. It’s what it’s there for.” She said softly as she looks at you with worry.

“Yeah no I’m fine baby it’s okay. Let’s keep going.” You reassured her and she nodded. She picks up a card and it read a wild card and as soon as she said it a airhorn was blasted which made the two of you jump. Billie looked terrified and you started cackling at her face. “What the fuck dude!” You exclaimed and Billie shook her head in disbelief jokingly as she tries to read the card but was having trouble getting the words out. “It’s tradition around here to put a little extra on the last wing. You and your opponent can add an extra dab to your final wings now.” Billie read aloud and you groaned. Billie tied her hair back and took off her jacket while you took yours off and put your hair up as well. “What’s the question or challenge we have to do?” You ask as you just wanted to get this over with.

“Don’t smile at me. Challenge your partner to a compliment battle. First person to smile must eat a death wing.” She read and the both of you dreaded what was to come. “Baby this is so sad…” she said breathlessly. “Ummm…you have the most beautiful eyes mama…” she said and you kept your face neutral. “You are the most talented person I know.” You say to her and you saw her lips twitch up for a second but it never turned into a smile. “You are an incredible driver even though you drive fast as fuck.” You said and she holds in her giggles. “You are hot as fuck.” She said and you put your hand over your lips so you wouldn’t smile. “You always look good in the most bizarre clothing.” You said but you let out a laugh as did Billie.

“Well we both laughed so here we go but are you okay though princess?” Billie asked you as the two of you picked up a wing. “It can’t get any worse.” You replied and Billie shook her head laughing. “Oh but it totally can mama.” She warned and you took a deep breath. “I love ya.” Billie said and you said it back. The two of you ate pretty big bites and the two of your were dying by the end. It was clear that Billie had won since she didn’t drink anything but in her eyes you had won. She grabs the trophy and hands it to you while you looked at her in disbelief. “You deserve it mamas and plus I love you a whole bunch.” She said and you coo at her.

She leans over and tries to take a bite out of the fake wing and makes a disgusted face. “Oh my gosh…you didn’t even make that a little bit edible” she said as she pushes the trophy closer to you. “Baby what the fuck.” You laugh out and stand up as Billie stands up with you. You end the video with the two of you saying goodbye and that was that. Even though Billie could have gotten the trophy, there’s not one thing she wouldn’t give/do for her girl.

A/n: this took me so long to do so please like, comment, reblog everything lol thank you to the anon who requested this. I hope they enjoyed it and I hope the rest of y’all did too. Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all!

[joealwyndaily]

With lead roles in the Sally Rooney adaptation Conversations With Friends and Claire Denis’s new film, there may be nothing the notoriously low-key actor (and Grammy-winning songwriter) can do about becoming deeply, irrevocably famous

When Joe Alwyn was starting out as an actor, he went to great lengths to psych himself up for scenes that required deep emotional excavation. 2016’s Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk – Alwyn’s plucked-from-drama-school debut, in which he played the titular American soldier with undiagnosed PTSD – featured a scene that required him to conjure a full emotional breakdown, blubbering in the arms of Kristen Stewart, who was playing his sister. In the lead-up to the scene, he plodded around a car park set in Atlanta, Georgia, at 5am, like a stroppy teenager, getting himself in the headspace to force hot, salty tears out of his eye sockets. It wasn’t just him. “Kristen was storming around the car, hitting the car and working herself into whatever place she needed to get to,” Alwyn says. “I remember not wanting to go back and rest [while they were waiting to get started]. Hopefully I’ve chilled out on that a bit now.” At the time, they were two young actors carrying the weight of a £30 million movie on their shoulders, believing that if they didn’t sell this key moment, the whole project could be undermined. In the end, though the scene was well executed, the film didn’t quite wash its face at the box office. There’s only so much you can do.

Now, six years into a career that started in a whirlwind, Alwyn is realising that it’s better to just relax and let things happen. “Sometimes the more I sit apart and turn it into this thing – that you have to generate an emotion – the harder it is once you get there,” Alwyn says. He’s sitting in a London hotel’s banal restaurant picking at a French omelette. His hair, no longer carrying the weighty, pandemic locks he’s been sporting for the past two years, looks like it’s been tousled minutes ago. In Conversations With Friends – the new Sally Rooney TV adaptation that threatens to turn Alwyn into an object of great thirst like Normal People’s Paul Mescal before him – filming the emotional crescendo was a comparative breeze. As Nick, a married actor in his 30s who’s been having an affair with 21-year-old wallflower Frances (Alison Oliver), Alwyn wears his sadness in his facial expressions. But in a scene that arrives late in the 12-part series, sitting in a vintage BMW, on the phone to someone he loved and lost, Alwyn tries to prevent his voice from shaking and halt the quiver in his lip, the tears streaking down his face betray him. “I wasn’t being weird that day,” he says. “I think [the waterworks] probably did [come easily].” He chalks it up to the quality of the writing, but accepts that it might have something to do with his own personal growth, too. “There’s something weirdly cathartic about it. Even though it’s not you.”

Alwyn doesn’t remember the last time he cried in real life. But the most pivotal moments in his career to date have revolved around heaving sobs. While he has developed a reputation among the press as one of the most guarded rising stars, predominantly for his unwillingness to spill details on his relationship with Taylor Swift, he is becoming known in the industry for his sensitivity and vulnerability. “He’s an exceptional actor,” Billy Lynn director Ang Lee told me in an email. “He had a talent which is rare in my experience, and I can spot it a mile away.” Alwyn was in his second year of drama school when he was picked for the role, which represented a gamble for Lee and the studios that backed the film. A middle-class, first-time actor from Tufnell Park being flown into Georgia to play a Texan? It was a rogue move – there were any number of fresh-faced young actors with bums-on-seats star power that could have gone in his stead. But Lee wanted to make it work. “Because he was fresh, he had a certain innocence and honesty that I could explore. That was important to the movie, because it was a story about innocence and disillusionment from war.” You can see it in the film, too – a face that could be anywhere between 12 and 21 years old, those big, wet eyes that can express joy, hope and pain from one second to the next.

Conversations With Friends represents Alwyn’s career coming of age. In the time since Lee’s film catapulted him onto the upper echelon of Hollywood’s good-looking, boyish Brits wish list, he’s been hopping between supporting roles in films by auteurs such as Yorgos Lanthimos, Joanna Hogg and Claire Denis, and acting opposite (and learning from) the likes of Olivia Colman, Emma Stone and Saoirse Ronan. At 31, he’s just about aged out of teen roles and into a far more interesting space. In Conversations, his eyes are weighed down by bags that tell us much more about Nick’s backstory of depression and exhaustion than he is initially willing to. Like Lee before him, the show’s director Lenny Abrahamson (who also helped Rooney adapt the wildly successful Normal People) saw what Alwyn can do. “Subtlety, vulnerability, charisma,” Abrahamson says. “Watching Nick, the audience needs to feel how deeply attractive and compelling he is to Frances, while at the same time accepting that, from [Frances’ best friend] Bobbi’s perspective, he might plausibly come across as muted, even flat. Joe managed to find a kind of glow to the character when really closely observed – like a force that only operates over small distances.”

Abrahamson recalls a moment where Alwyn elevated Rooney’s work. “Frances tells Nick she doesn’t want to wreck his marriage and Nick’s line is that his marriage has survived several affairs already... but that he’s never been a party to them. Joe chose to play this with a self-deprecating humour which made what could have been a bitter or diminishing moment into a vulnerable and somehow impressive one.”

If the wider public hasn’t yet fully understood why so many important people want a piece of him, they soon will.

To hear Joe Alwyn tell it, the last six years have been... pretty normal, actually. Sure, he made his big-screen debut as a leading man while most of his drama school peers were fighting over panto gigs, and yeah, he did start dating one of the most famous women on the planet, but other than that, nothing to write home about. “[Newfound fame] was not really something I thought about a huge amount. There was no awareness of some kind of shift, I still felt exactly the same,” he says.

Billy Lynn didn’t totally complete his takeover of the zeitgeist, but he’s been landing supporting roles in high-profile films ever since. Alwyn’s life remains largely the same. He still has the same close-knit group of friends from school, he still lives in North London. When he’s not away working, his day-to-day involves going to the pub or the cinema, reading scripts (he fell in love with a Paul Schrader film he was attached to, but it ultimately fell apart due to the pandemic), playing football – that kind of thing.

Not even the paparazzi or the tabloids, who would dedicate a double-page spread to him if he sneezed and it sounded vaguely like “Taylor”, have been able to dampen his spirits. “I think because the precedent was set – that our choice is to be private and not feed that side of things – the more you do that, hopefully, the more that intrusiveness or intrigue drops off.”

Throughout our conversation, Alwyn directs lots of questions back at me, but he’s not deflecting, he’s genuinely interested. He tells me he still doesn’t get recognised in the street, but that may change once Conversations lands.

Luckily for Alwyn, there was already a Sally Rooney Male Lead Starter Pack waiting for him when he landed the role (short shorts, gold chain, inability to communicate feelings, check, check, check). He had seen and loved Normal People in lockdown and admired how tonally different it felt to everything else on TV at the time. “[Rooney and Abrahamson] are so good at just spending time with people in a room talking or not talking. It’s not hugely narrative-driven. I like the messiness of it, and the complexity of it.” Soon after he was cast, a mutual friend created a WhatsApp group with him and Paul Mescal called The Tortured Man Club, “which is I guess a reflection on [Mescal’s character in Normal People] Connell and Nick.”

They exchanged texts and eventually met in Abrahamson’s house in Dublin while the show was filming. “He’s a lovely, lovely guy,” Alwyn says. He still hasn’t met Rooney, though she was involved in the casting (she stepped back after the early planning stage). He has exchanged a few emails with her, including one discussing a playlist she made for the character of Nick (she does this for all of her characters, Alwyn says), which features songs from The National, Pavement and Kanye West. “I remember Sally saying about The National, Nick has that kind of downbeat, tired, but still vaguely charismatic quality to him as they do in their music.”

Arguably the biggest challenge he faced along the way was nailing down Nick’s very specific south Dublin accent. Abrahamson gave him the option of keeping his own, but they eventually agreed to stick to the original text (Sasha Lane’s Bobbi was already retrofitted as American). “I listened to people like Andrew Scott and Tom Vaughan-Lawlor and that kind of middle-class south Dublin accent. [Nick’s] is quite anglicised, there was the idea that he would have been to drama school in London, and he has a British wife and so maybe some of those sounds have been softened as well.” (Like fellow Brit Daisy Edgar-Jones before him, he ended up more or less spot-on).

He’s not currently worried about how the show, if it’s received even half as voraciously as Normal People, will impact his super-normal life. “I know it sounds slightly lame, but my only thought about it is that I hope people really like it.”

Alwyn's pandemic wasn't quite so normal. Somewhere in the stagnation of lockdown, he wrote a few songs with Swift on a whim, which went on to win some Grammys. Mucking about on the piano and trying his hand at composition for the first time since being in a band at school (they were called Anger Management and performed Marilyn Manson and Korn covers), he wound up creating the melody and first verse of “Exile”, arguably the standout track on Swift’s eighth studio album Folklore.

“It was really the most accidental thing to happen in lockdown. It wasn’t like, ‘It’s three o’clock, it’s time to write a song!’ It was just messing around on a piano and singing badly and being overheard and then thinking, you know, what if we tried to get to the end of it together?” It was surreal when his musings that quickly became sketches and then an actual track would go on to be produced by The National’s Aaron Dessner with vocals by Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon. “Sending it to Justin with the idea of doing a duet and getting voice notes back of him singing over the top and stuff was surreal. It was a perk of lockdown.” On the album’s credits, he goes by the pseudonym William Bowery (a mash-up of his great-grandfather’s first name and an area he likes in New York), but Swift eventually gave the game away. They kept his participation in Folklore and its follow-up Evermore (two co-writing credits on the former, three on the latter) a secret because they knew it was all people would talk about. “The idea was that people would just listen to the music rather than focus on the fact that we wrote it together.” While he has no plans to write more music, he cherished the experience. “It was fun to do it together, and I was proud of it. It was nice getting such a positive reception.” Is there a version of “Exile” out there with him singing on it? “Jesus, there’s probably a voice note somewhere that should be burned.”

After our dimly lit breakfast, we head for a walk by the canal in King’s Cross. It’s a warm, grey day, and there’s a woman running backwards down the path, glancing over her shoulder every other second to avoid clattering into us. “Maybe she’s in Tenet,” Alwyn quips, and then later, when she runs past us again the correct way, “maybe we’re in Tenet”. He’s dragging along a suitcase, as he’s about to head to Paris to put down some additional dialogue for Claire Denis’sThe Stars At Noon, the other massive project he’s got dropping in May (it’s premiering in competition at Cannes). He shot the film straight after Conversations last year, swapping Belfast for Panama. “The premise is two strangers meet in Nicaragua amid climate and political turmoil. They fall for each other and have to escape to the border. It’s a romance/ thriller... Jesus, I don’t know. We’ll see.”

Before he rushes off for his train, I ask a question that’s been looming over our conversation. Given the reputation he has developed among journalists for keeping schtum about his relationship (fair enough), how comfortable does he feel answering questions about his own life? “I honestly don’t mind. I’m probably not very good at talking about myself.” He hesitates. “I’m sure I’ve come across as guarded in the past. And it’s a mix of me being British and having a private life. But I don’t want to be going into these things guarded.”

There’s a difference between being guarded and being quite understandably private, we agree, before parting ways.

The day after our conversation, Alwyn goes viral for the most inconsequential thing – tell- ing an interviewer that he’s got no intention of confirming whether or not he and Swift are engaged. There’s only so much you can do.

PRODUCTION CREDITS: Photographs by Fumi Homma  Styling by Angelo Mitakos Tailoring by Faye Oakenfull Grooming by Jody Taylor Set design by Molly Marot Movement director, Harry Clark

[beca-mitchell]

the lucky ones (9/10)

Summary: Beca Mitchell is a reclusive, in-demand, Grammy-Award-winning producer who agrees to work on Academy-Award-nominated Chloe Beale’s debut album. Sparks fly, but Beca refuses to let Hollywood ruin her life like it once did years ago. Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Red” album.

excerpt from chapter 9—i bet this time of night you're still up:

“What do you want for your birthday?”

Beca laughs. “Chloe, no.”

Chloe pouts. “Please. Give me something to work with.”

“Do you not know me by now?” Beca asks, turning it back on Chloe playfully. “I’m hurt.”

Chloe gasps dramatically as Beca spins back around on her chair facing the desk again. “Beca,” she reprimands. Though Beca can’t see Chloe’s expression, she just knows Chloe is frowning hard at her.

It’s fun to imagine so Beca continues pretending to ignore her.

Chloe groans. “You’re so annoying,” she murmurs. Beca hears Chloe shuffling about behind her before her chair is being spun around and she finds herself face-to-face with the adorable pout on Chloe’s face once more. “Can you take this seriously?”

Beca rolls her eyes, but tilts back a little in her chair, waiting to see how far Chloe will take this 

It’s part of the fun game they’ve been playing recently, especially over the past few weeks. Their little back and forth and flirtationship has only ramped up and Beca honestly has caught herself staring at Chloe’s mouth and other aspects of her body more times than she can count.

She just doesn’t know how to bridge the awkwardness of asking Chloe whether she’s in the right place to pick up where they left off…with some key changes of course.

Beca doesn’t want to hide anymore. She just…wants Chloe by her side to help her along the way. It just feels like kind of a hard question to ask her ex-girlfriend-but-almost-girlfriend-again.

READ CHAPTER 9 ON AO3.

[bananaofswifts]

Taylor Swift Turns on a Facsimile Machine for the Ingenious Recreations of ‘Fearless (Taylor’s Version)’: Album Review

Swift recreates her entire 2008 album literally down to the last note, then gives herself room for stylistic latitude on six never-before-recorded "vault" tracks.

By Chris Willman

Swift recreates her entire 2008 album literally down to the last note, then gives herself room for stylistic latitude on six never-before-recorded "vault" tracks.

There is no “best actress” award at the Grammys, perhaps for obvious reasons, but maybe there should be this coming year. And the Grammy would go to… Taylor Swift, for so persuasively playing her 18-year-old self in “Fearless (Taylor’s Version),” her beyond-meticulous recreation of the 2008 recording that did win her her first album of the year trophy back in the day. It’s impossible to overstate just how thoroughly the new version is intended as an exact replica of the old — all the way down to her startling ability to recapture an untrained teen singing voice she’s long matured and moved on from. It’s a stunt, to be sure, but a stunt for the ages — mastering the guile it takes to go back to sounding this guileless.

There are two different, very solid reasons to pick up or stream “Taylor’s Version,” regardless of whether you share her ire for the Big Machine label, whose loose ways with her nine-figure catalog precipitated this, the first in a six-album series of remakes where she’ll be turning on the facsimile machine. One is to marvel at her gift for self-mimicry on the album’s original tracks, where she sounds as possessed by her younger self as Regan ever was by Pazuzu. The other reason is, of course, to check out the six “vault” numbers that Swift wrote during that time frame but has never released before in any form, which dispenses with stylistic fealty to the late 2000s and frames her “Fearless”-era discards in production and arrangements closer to “Folklore.” Those half-dozen (kind of) new tracks really do sound like modern Taylor Swift covering her old stuff.

But those original lucky 13? It’s the same damn record… which is kind of hilarious and marvelous and the kind of meta-ness that will inspire a thousand more think-pieces than it already has, along with possibly efforts at forensic analysis to figure out how she did it.

It would not be surprising if, as we speak, Big Machine was putting a combined team of scientists and lawyers on the case of the new album’s waveform readouts, to make sure it’s not just the original album, remixed. Honestly, it’s that close. The timings of the songs are all within a few seconds of the original tracks, if not coming in at exactly the same length. The duplication effort doesn’t allow any detours. If “Forever and Always” had a cold open then, it’s going to have a cold open now. If the 2008 “That’s the Way I Love You” had slamming rock guitars with an almost subliminal banjo being plucked beneath the racket, so will the 2021 “That’s the Way I Loved You.” A drum roll to end the old “Change”? A drum roll to end its body-snatcher doppelganger. And if she chuckled before the final chorus of “Hey Stephen” 13 years ago, so will that moment be cause for a delighted giggle now.

Of course, much analysis will be put into whether the new laugh is a more knowing-sounding laugh. And that will be part of the fun for a certain segment of audiophile Swifties who will go looking for the slightest change as evidence of something meaningful. When “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” first came out weeks back to preview the album, there were reviews written that swore she’d subtly changed up her phrasing to put a contemporary spin on the song. And maybe they were right, but, having done a fair amount of A/B testing of the two versions of the album, I found myself feeling like I do when vinyl buffs insist there are significant sonic differences between the first stamper version of an LP and one that was pressed a year later. If you can spot those very, very, very modest tweaks, go for it.

But my suspicion is that if Swift has decided to turn a phrase a little differently here or there on this album, or done anything too differently aside from brighten the sound, she’s doing it more as an Easter egg, for the people who are on that kind of hunt, than anything really designed as reinterpretation. Because the last thing Swift wants most of her fans doing is A/B-ing the two versions, the way I did. The whole point is to have folks retire the OG “Fearless” from their Spotify playlists, right? The Swift faithful were already threatening to rain down damnation on anyone caught sneaking an audio peek at the old version after midnight. What she intended was to come up with a rendering so faithful that you would never have a need to spin the vintage album again. In that, she has succeeded beyond what could have been imagined even in the dreams of the few self-forgers who’ve tried this before, like a Jeff Lynne.

Is there any reason to find value in the new versions if you couldn’t care less about the issues of masters and contracts and respect in business deals that made all this strangely possible? Yes, with the first one being that the new album just sounds like a terrific remastering of the old — the same notes, and you’d swear the same performances, but sounding brighter and punchier just on a surface level. But on a more philosophical one, it’s not just a case of Swift playing with her back catalog like Andy Warhol played with his soup can. It’s really a triumph of self-knowledge and self-awareness, in the way that Swift is so hyper-conscious of the ways she’s matured that she has the ability to un-mature before our very ears. With her vocals, it’s virtuosic, in a way, how she’s made herself return to her unvirtuosic upstart self.

On Swift’s earliest albums and in those seminal live shows — at the time when she was famously being told she “can’t sing,” to quote a song from the follow-up album — there was a slight shrillness around the edges of her voice that, if you lacked faith, you might’ve imaged would be there forever. It wasn’t. That was partly youth, and partly just the sheer earnestness with which she wanted to convey the honesty of the songs. She’s advanced so much since then — into one of pop’s most gifted modern singers, really — that the woman of “Folklore” and “Evermore” seems like a completely different human being than the one who made the self-titled debut and “Fearless,” never mind just a woman versus girl. It wouldn’t have seemed possible that she could go back to her old way of singing at the accomplished age of 31, but she found and recreated that nervous, sincere, pleading voice of yesteryear. And maybe it was just a technical feat, of temporarily unlearning what she’s learned since then, but you can sense that maybe she had to go there internally, too, to the place where she was counseling other girls to guard their sexual virtue in “Fifteen,” or wondering whether to believe the fairy tale of “Love Story” or the wakeup call of “White Horse,” or proving with “Forever & Always” that writing a song telling off Joe Jonas for his 27-second breakup call was better than revenge.

If at first you’re not inclined to notice that Swift has re-adopted a completely different singing voice for the “Fearless” remakes, the realization may kick in when those “vault” tracks start appearing in the later stretch of this hour-and-50-minute album. The writing on the six songs that have been pulled up from the 2008 cutting room floor seems primitive, even a little bit by the standards of the “Fearless” album; there are great lines and couplets throughout the rescued tracks, but you can see why she left them as works-in-progress. But she doesn’t use her youthful voice on these resurrections, nor does she employ the actual style of “Fearless” very strictly. Of course, she feels more freedom on these, because there are no predecessors in the Big Machine catalog she’s asking you to leave behind. Her current collaborators of choice, Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner, divided the co-producing work on these fresher songs, as they did for the two all-new albums she released in the last year. (The “Fearless” recreations are co-produced by Swift with Christopher Rowe, someone who worked on remixes for Swift back in that era.) They co-produce the vault songs in a style that sounds somewhere between “Fearless” and Folklore”… a more spectral brand of country-pop, with flutes and synths and ringing 12-string guitars and a modicum of drum programming replacing some (but not all) of the acoustic stringed instruments you’d expect to be carried over from “Fearless” proper.

Of the previously unheard tracks, Swift was right — she’s always been her own best self-editor — in putting out “You All Over Me” first, in advance of the album. With its imagery of half-muddy stones being upturned on the road, this song has advanced lyrical conceits more of a piece with the level of writing she’s doing now than some of the slightly less precocious songs that follow. Still, there’s something to be said for the sheer zippiness with which Swift conveys teen heartbreak in “Mr. Perfectly Fine,” which has a lyric that shows Swift had long since absorbed the lessons Nashville had to offer about how to come up with a high-concept song — the concept, in this case, being just to stick the word “mister” in front of a lot of phrases relating to her shallow ex, as if they were honorary titles to be conferred for being a shit, while she employs the “miss” for herself more sparingly.

Some of the remaining outtake songs go back more toward the sedate side of “Fearless”-style material; she didn’t leave any real bangers in the can. “We Were Happy,” the first of two successive tracks to bring in Keith Urban (but only for backgrounds on this one), employs fake strings and real cello as Swift waxes nostalgic for a time when “you threw your arms around my neck, back when I deserved it.” It’s funny, in a good way, to hear Swift at 31 recreating a song she wrote at 17 or 18 that pined for long-past better times. The next song, “That’s When,” brings Urban in for a proper duet where he gets a whole second verse and featured status on half a chorus, and it’s lovely to hear them together. But, as a make-up song, it doesn’t feel as real or lived-in as the more personal things she was writing at the time — and the fact that its chords are pretty close to a slightly more balladic version of the superior “You Belong With Me” was probably a pretty good reason for dropping it at the time.

the 18-year-old Taylor Swift is a great place to visit, but “Folklore” and “Evermore” are the place you’ll want to return to and live, unless you have an especially strong sentimental attachment to “Fearless”… which, sure, half of young America does. It’s not irreconcilable to say that the two albums she issued in the last year represent a daring pinnacle of her career, but that “Fearless” deserved to win album of the year in 2008. Has there been a greater pop single in the 20th century than “You Belong With Me”? Probably not. Did the album also have lesser moments you probably haven’t thought about in a while, like the just-okay “Breathe”? Yes. (I looked up to see whether Swift had ever played that little remarked upon number in concert, and according to setlists.fm, she did, exactly once… in 2018. Because she’s Taylor Swift, and of course she did.) It’s not certain that her duet with Colbie Caillat really needed to be resurrected, except it’s fun, because hey, she even roped former duet partners back into her time warp. But there are so many number that have stood the test of time, like “The Way I Love You,” an early song that really got at the complicated feelings about passion and fidelity that she would come to explore more as she grew into her 20s… and just kind of a headbanger, too, on an album that does love its fiddles and mandolins.

It doesn’t take much to wonder why Swift put up “Fearless” first in this six-album exercise; it’s one of her two biggest albums, along with “1989,” and it’s 13 years old, which does mean something superstitious in the Taylor-verse. In a way, it’ll be more interesting to see what happens when she gets to more complicated productions, like “1989” or “Reputation.” But maybe “Fearless” did present the opportunity for the grandest experiment out of the gate: to recreate something that pure and heartfelt, with all the meticulousness a studio master like Swift can put to that process now, without having it seem like she’s faking sincerity. Let the think-pieces proceed — because this is about six hundred different shades of meta. But, all craftiness and calculation aside, there’s a sweetness to the regression that’s not inconsequential. It harks back to a time when she only wondered if she could be fearless, before she learned it the harder way for sure. What they say about actors “disappearing into the role”? That really applies to Taylor Swift, playing herself.

[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘emails i can’t send’ - Sabrina Carpenter REVIEW: a star’s stream of consciousness

On Sabrina Carpenter’s fifth studio album, emails i can’t send, the former Disney star has a variety of songs where she deftly balances between taking and not taking herself seriously. She knows how to have fun but does not shy away from discomfort. While the album has a handful of great pop tracks, her sound is confused, feeling more like a copy of its influences rather than a byproduct. 

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “emails I can’t send,” “Tornado Warnings”

Carpenter is at her best when she is writing confessionally. “emails i can’t send,” the opening and titular track, is a short song about how her father’s infidelity has negatively impacted her ability to trust and feel secure in her relationships with men. Many people can relate to such an experience, and is a profound way to begin an album about relationships and honesty. 

Part of that honesty is admitting dishonesty. On “Tornado Warnings,” she reflects on why she might be lying to her therapist. When you tell your therapist something, you’re in tandem being forced to face it yourself, to acknowledge your own feelings and mistakes, which she is not yet able to do with this relationship. “I deserve an hour in a week to focus on my thoughts / not so obsessed with yours, I can’t hear myself speak,” she sings, showing how much he’s infiltrating her safe space, and yet, she likes it. The stream of consciousness of both of these songs feel like a therapy session, which is why they work so strongly here. Maybe she lied to her therapist, but at least she’s being truthful with the listener.

WEAKEST TRACK: “how many things”

The first lyric of this song is, “You used a fork once / it turns out forks are fucking everywhere.” I mean, enough said, right? She could’ve used literally any other object and maybe it would’ve worked. While the sentiment she is trying to portray makes sense in theory, it just doesn’t land at all, and feels like false profundity. 

THE IN-BETWEENS

Another song where Sabrina’s execution of an idea doesn’t work as intended is on “skinny dipping,” where the stylistic choice of the verses was clearly meant to feel conversational and bring something unique to the track, but just feels bland and out of place in comparison to the rest of the song, which does work quite well and has a lovely ache to it. Otherwise, the album has a good number of appealing songs, where influences such as Ariana Grande, Billie Eilish, and Kacey Musgraves stand out on upbeat tracks like “bet u wanna” and “Already Over.” Her two latest singles, “Vicious” (which sounds almost identical to Selena Gomez’s “Bad Liar”) and “because i liked a boy,” are both strong songs that address her previous relationship with actor and singer-songwriter Joshua Bassett, and the fallout of the public painting an unkind picture of them as a result of the passionate response to Olivia Rodrigo’s Grammy-winning Sour album (most of which is presumedly about Bassett, making Carpenter the “blonde girl” mentioned in the smash hit “drivers license.”) The latter explores how internet culture and the power of anonymity can negatively impact someone so, sending people death threats because of a narrative they want to create for their entertainment. The entertainment of music shouldn’t be picking apart the supposed subjects of a song, but rather relating to its content and immersing in the feeling instead of projecting onto strangers. The conviction in Sabrina’s voice as she sings “now I’m a home wrecker, I’m a slut” exemplifies her ability to overcome the situation by taking her power and voice back (in a much more effective way than her attempted 2021 single “Skin”).

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Nonsense”

“Nonsense” acts as both one of the strongest songs on the album and one of the least original. The track feels like a direct cut from Ariana Grande’s 2020 album positions; even her vocal tone and techniques imitate that of the superstar almost perfectly. If I don’t think too much about it, I think I’m listening to Ariana. All that being said, perhaps that’s why the song works so well. It is fun and infectious and would do really well on pop radio. And when she cleverly sings, “When you got your arms around me / Oh it feels so good I had to jump the octave,” it truly does feel so good. 

***

emails i can’t send is perhaps Carpenter’s most vulnerable project to date. The closing track “decode” is a nice bookend to the title track, the need not to leave a single stone unturned engrained in her by her father’s betrayal, has her racking her brain to decode every little thing that remains in the ashes of this relationship. But finally, “there’s nothing left here to decode,” she concludes. And with everything in the emails she can’t send that she’s published in these songs, there’s nothing left for us to decode either. Grade: 3/5

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I’ve known who Sabrina is since the ill-fated Girl Meets World, of which she was the true breakout star, and have been rooting for her on the sidelines since. I think she is a very talented young woman who did not deserve the internet’s vitriol towards her last year, and has done a better job at addressing it this time through this album as opposed to what she tried to do with “Skin.”  Overall, she has great vocal ability and you can see she has the songwriting chops there, but despite this being her 5th album I feel like she still has yet to discover her own true sound. It feels like a lot of borrowing, which of course, all music is to an extent, but not in a way where I feel like I could identify like, “Oh, that sounds like a Sabrina Carpenter song.” I think the more she practices and continues to write the closer she’ll get to finding it.

[coeurdastronaute]

Arkers 5

Previously on Arkers

“I want to… I don’t even know where to start.” 

The musician sighed happily and stared at the award in her hand, gleaming in the shine from the blinding spotlights in the large theatre. She weighed it and swallowed the lump in her throat before looking back up again. 

“I know where to start, actually. I want to thank my friends, my family, Octavia and Bellamy. We love making music together, and I can’t imagine doing anything else with anyone else. I’m eternally grateful to those who listen and love my words.”

There was applause, but Clarke really just needed a moment to collect herself as she juggled the unwieldy Grammy. 

“And lastly, perhaps most importantly, I want to thank my wife. Every song is still about you. Always has been.” 

With a final smile and nod, she lifted the trophy slightly before bowing her head in thanks and following the presenters off of the stage. 

A few rows in, the model smiled to herself, and bit her lip to try to contain it as it threatened to crack her entire face in half. She pressed a hand to her chest and accepted the congratulations from those around her as the ceremony went to a break for commercials. It wasn’t even her win, but she felt lightheaded and swimming in the joy. 

It made her heart flutter to hear herself called a wife for the first time from Clarke’s lips in public. It was still so new, and still felt good, and electrified by the moment. 

It was hard to compete with a rockstar who kept showing off, but she was determined to do something with the abundance of affection she kept feeling. 

XXXXXXXXXX

“Thank you so much!” Clarke cheered and nodded as the crowd erupted.

From behind her sunglasses she looked over at Octavia and grinned, then to Bellamy, all enjoying the weather and the cool breeze the fans provided from the edge of the stage as the sun began to set on the second night of the festival. Clarke wiped sweat from her forehead and handed over her guitar to the manager who ran out to swap. 

“Sorry everyone, I just need a second to hydrate,” she murmured into the microphone as Octavia tapped out a few beats. 

The crowd was fantastic, yelling and dancing along, enjoying her talks. It was easier than Clarke expected, though she was already hungry. She rubbed her belly and tried to bend over to pick up her water bottle. 

“Wait, wait, I have one,” a familiar voice called from the side of the stage before the crowd erupted. 

Like a vision of hydration that was nothing more than a thirst trap, her wife sauntered out on stage with a fresh water bottle and a granola bar, much to Clarke’s amusement. Lexa pretended to not see the crowd, fretting over her in ways she pretended to hate, but secretly enjoyed. 

“Time to feed the little one, yeah?” Lexa fret. 

“Apologies, everyone. I recommend a snack break. Any other pregnant people braving the crowds to partake in this concert?” 

There was some cheering spattered throughout. 

“Someone get those women a snack, immediately!” Clarke pointed as she accepted her granola bar. 

“Quite the rockstar life you’ve developed, Griffin,” Lexa taunted, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“I get to fuck a model whenever I want. I’d say I’ve accomplished everything I set out to do by playing music.” 

That just earned an eye roll before Lexa walked back toward her spot on the side. 

“All I know,” Clarke decided between bites as she accepted the new guitar for the next song, “Is more concerts should have a mandatory snack time halfway through. Let’s normalize that, shall we?” 

The crowd cheered. 

“We’ll get you a snack cannon, Bell, what do you think of that?” He just chuckled and shook his head. 

“I want the cannon,” Octavia murmured. 

“You heard it here first,” Clarke nodded, toying with the guitar neck and back at the crowd. “If your next show doesn’t include snacks, it’s not a real rock show.” 

Despite her worry, Lexa watched her wife start another song, the bump protruding slightly more than just a few days ago. She smiled to herself and watched the crowd fall just as in love as she was while her wife went to work winning them over with her voice and showmanship. It was her favorite thing to see. 

XXXXXXXXXXX

“I don’t want to argue again.” 

“Then just pick a place.” 

“You pick a place.” 

The family paused on the corner while the city burst into springtime around them. The trees in the park just behind already had green sprouts and leaves, while the grass seemed to soften from the bristles of the winter into an inviting place for them to spend a few hours in the morning sunlight. 

Clarke hadn’t thought to ever want a morning like that before, but now it was almost a regular occurrence. 

Lexa stood on the corner and leaned over the edge of the stroller, checking on the baby that cooed and waved her tiny fists happily, all while Clarke snuck a peak and smiled to herself. The city was bustling, preparing for Fashion Week, which would mean a very busy wife. This moment was all she wanted. 

“What about that one place a block or so over? We like it there.” 

“We better hurry,” Clarke observed. “She’s not going to last much longer.” 

“Are you talking about her, or you?” Lexa teased. 

“We’re hungry girls.” 

With a roll of her eyes, Lexa felt her wife put her arm around her shoulder and they pushed the stroller across the street. They chatted about the absolute banality of their new routine and the plan for the rest of the day as they found a table on the sidewalk and took their seats, finally taking the baby out. 

“Are you ready for lunch? You look ready,” Clarke asked her daughter quite seriously. “A nice bottle sounds good, huh?” 

“It’s going to be so much harder when she wants to eat like, food, you know?” Lexa murmured as she dug through the bag for the bottle. 

“Especially when she realizes how much healthy food you make us eat.” 

“You’ll thank me one day.” 

“She ‘s never going to believe I was rockstar when I eat so many salad wraps and vegetarian dishes.”

“I think there’s more than enough proof out there.” 

“I should start breaking guitars again,” Clarke nodded as she began feeding her daughter. “Just bash them on stage and destroy hotel rooms again.” 

“Who has the energy fort hat?” 

“I know. You make a good point.” 

“Welcome back!” a familiar waitress greeted them. 

“How’s it going, Maddie?” Lexa turned into her public self, so effortlessly and easy. Clarke just clung to their daughter to hide. 

“I can’t believe you keep coming here,” she smiled happily. 

“It’s a good spot. I’m just hoping you’ll be gone, every time.” 

“Kind of a terrible thing to hope,” the waitress teased as she poured their water. “I’ll be out of here in two months.” 

“Look at that, you tortured the poor girl,” Clarke pretended to scold her wife. 

“You got it?” Lexa beamed. 

“I did. I’m heading to Boston for my fellowship.” 

“See, you want to grow up to be smart like Maddie,” Clarke cooed as her daughter drank, eyes wide and not listening to anything in particular. “Become a doctor or lawyer or something.” 

Even though it was the middle of her shift, Maddie brought their orders out and took a seat, at the pair’s insistence, catching up since the last time they spoke. Lexa enjoyed being the Lesbian Jesus figure. She didn’t mind inquiring about everything in a complete stranger’s life. 

“You’ll keep in touch, won’t you?” Lexa pressed the new Math fellow. “I’m deeply invested in your story.” 

“Will I keep in touch with Lexa Woods and Clarke Griffin? Yeah, I think I can manage that.” the waitress chuckled. “If you’re ever in Boston and need a babysitter, you know who to call.” 

XXXXXXXXXXX

It was a busy week. It was a very busy and tiring week, and Lexa enjoyed the hustle and bustle of shows again. She wanted to peak, to look out at the crowd, but instead resisted and fulfilled her duties as a brand ambassador. 

It wasn’t every day that the front row at a show had a woman with a baby swaddled to her chest, but Clarke sat there beside her friends with her daughter tied to her chest, sleeping soundly, just as her mother was prepared to walk. 

The cameras took pictures of the display, of magazine editors and fashion royalty fawn over the nearly one year old daughter of the model and rockstar. 

Behind her sunglasses, Clarke sat there, smiling at those around her and waiting for her wife to show up. 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The first tour back from pregnancy was much different than those from before. Before the baby, Clarke and Lexa enjoyed their pattering around cities, working in the same place and separating for a few weeks at a time only to meet up in another foreign place. 

But they became homebodies after the baby as Clarke worked on another record. They had a routine and they had different things they liked to do now. But Clarke wanted to have everything while they were on tour, so arrangements were made for the whole family. 

It was going to be shorter than previous tours, broken up into two segments, but it didn’t matter. 

From the stage, Clarke peered out into the audience and smiled at the crowd. 

On the side of the stage, a toddler sat on her wife’s shoulders with her giant headphones on to block the noise damage to her ears. She sang with a whole new purpose.

NEXT

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Thirty Two

Masterlist

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 8.6k+ (opps)

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, PTSD moments

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers x Sam Arias

This Part: Two weeks before the surgery, the Danvers sisters find out something about their Mom and the Superfriends go bowling!

Surprise! Two days later! What is going on? I had a lot of fun writing this. Sorry it got so long!

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated. Please! I like knowing your thoughts.

Taglist: @finleyfray, @life-is-hella-unfair, @natasha-danvers, @supergirl-writingz, @camslightstories, @thinking1bee, @aznblossom

2 Weeks Before The Surgery

Emma slowly wakes up and stretches her whole body while voicelessly yawning. Generally her sleep hasn’t been as disturbed as before, but Emma is still finding she doesn’t feel as refreshed as she should when she wakes up.

Her hand reaches out for Lena, but finds the space next to her empty and cold. She blinks her eyes open and silently sighs when there is no sign of her girlfriend.

Lena had warned that she may have to work on Saturday due to the volume of business piling up. But she'd already said she needed to recharge.

Still.

Even though Sam and Lena have been hiring more staff to work the caseloads and Lena has been supervising the team leaders in the labs. The workload just seems never ending for L-Corp at the moment.

Causing Emma to barely see her girlfriend this week leaving Lena to usually stumble tiredly into the apartment after Emma has gone to bed. She’d sleepily brush her teeth, flop into bed, sometimes fully clothed and make Emma jump awake by the bounce of the bed. If Lena was still clothed in her tight business clothes, Emma would carefully change Lena into her pyjamas so she could sleep more comfortably. Emma would then kiss her on the forehead due to the raven haired beauty already being asleep.

Then Lena would wake up before her alarm, leaving Emma to sleep in as Lena quietly sneaks out of the apartment to head to L-Corp before sunrise. There wasn’t even much time for them to have lunch together but Emma would savour the moments she could have with Lena.

However, last night when Lena stumbled through the bedroom door, Emma had still been awake and once Lena crawled into bed and into Emma’s arms, she had groaned that she would take Saturday off to recharge.

‘Guess not.’ Emma thinks sadly while rolling out of bed to use the bathroom. She wobbles slightly as the room spins but Emma was getting used to the sensation.

Afterwards she grabs her phone and sees a message from her Mom

Eliza: Morning Sweetheart! Was wondering if you and Lena wanted to grab breakfast/brunch/lunch with me? Depending on what time you wake up of course!

Emma’s heart warms at how her Mom always wants to include Lena in their outings, which evidently, has started to dwindle. Emma glances at the time on her phone and sees it’s just gone 10:30am.

Emma: Yes please! Although it will be just me cause Lena has to work. 🥺

Where would you like to go? Do you want me to pick you up?

Due to everything happening Eliza had decided to rent an apartment that was close to the DEO and in a location that was in the middle of her daughter’s apartments. Emma was still impressed that her Mom managed to achieve all this in such a short time. But once her Mom’s mind was set on something, she went for it and no one would dare tell her to go back to Midvale.

Eliza: That’s a shame. How about that beach cafe you rave about so much?

Emma snorts at her Mom’s text.

Emma: Mom, I rave about a lot of beach cafés…

Eliza: Is that sarcasm I detect?

Emma: Noooo

Eliza: Anyway, you choose sweetheart, I am ready when you are. Just let me know when you are leaving.

Emma: Great! Give me 15 mins!

Emma quickly places her phone on the bed and races to the walk-in wardrobe, having had her shower the night before she waited for Lena to come home.

Suddenly the room spins and warps around her. Emma closes her eyes, waiting for the moment to pass. Thankfully it does and she continues her task. Choosing blue skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with gold stars on and a black hoodie. She stuffs her feet into black converses and grabs her phone, texting her Mom and places it into her messenger bag.

Emma: Just leaving now.

But as Emma heads for the door she notices a piece of paper on the island. Intrigued, she zips over, banging her knee into the corner of the unit. Unknowingly cracking the hard unit slightly.

‘Mother fucker!’ Emma’s mind screams as she rubs her knee before focusing on Lena’s handwriting.

‘Good Morning my love,

I’m sorry for leaving you like this but I have to go into work. I will hopefully be able to come to the bowling alley. If not, please apologise to Nia and give her a hug from me.

All my love, Lena x’

Emma lets out a voiceless sigh, she knew Lena was not in the apartment, but seeing the proof frustrates her. Disappointment in her girlfriend starts to creep in, she hopes Lena can make it to the bowling alley, not for her, but for Nia. Who has been bouncing around like a puppy with how much she was looking forward to spending time with the Superfriends to celebrate her birthday.

Due to Lena’s connections they’ve managed to hire a VIP private room with a few lanes, meaning once they are through the doors they don't need to have any face modifiers activated.

Because of Lena’s note, Emma grabs Nia’s birthday gifts and card, just in case Emma doesn’t return to the apartment before the party.

Her phone bleeps and Emma quickly takes it out as she exits the apartment.

Eliza: Okay Sweetheart! Drive safe!

Emma rolls her eyes at her Mom’s message and resists sending a sarcastic comment back. Instead she smiles down at her phone while she enters the elevator and activates her face modifier. She chooses a face with a beauty mark like Marilyn Monroe and she can’t help but pull a sexy pout while studying the new face in the mirror of the elevator.

Soon the doors open into the garage level and Emma approaches the L-Car, while mournfully staring at her bug. She gets into the car Lena designed for her and drives to her Mom’s apartment.

Eventually she pulls up outside Eliza’s building and finds her Mom is already waiting outside, with J’onn by her side. They haven’t noticed her arrival as they continue talking. Emma watches them with interest, noticing the smiles on their faces and how close they are standing while facing each other. Her eyes lower and widen at the realisation that they are holding hands.

Emma gets out her phone and records a short video of the pair interacting, zooming in on their joined hands before turning the camera on herself and raising an eyebrow. Immediately she sends the video to her sister’s group chat and another to Lena.

Emma: Morning love! Hope work is going okay? So… Picking up Mom for brunch and I’ve come across this… I don’t know how to feel… I want to squeal in happiness and simultaneously wretch! Oh Rao… We’re gonna have to give him the shovel talk aren’t we? 😬

Suddenly there is a knock on the passenger window, making Emma jump in her seat. Looking over she realises her Mom is standing by the door, waiting to be let in and Emma unlocks the door.

“Morning Sweetheart.” Eliza says while  sliding into the car and gives her youngest daughter a tight hug.

When they part, Emma looks around for J’onn.

“Oh he’s already left, doesn't want the shovel talk just yet.” Eliza jokes as she puts on her seat belt, Emma tilts her head, wondering how he would know that. “He heard your thoughts as you were messaging your sisters and Lena.”

Emma snorts and shakes her head, of course J’onn would have heard her. She  drives the car away from the pavement and back into the traffic. The pair stay in comfortable silence as they listen to the radio with Emma tapping along to the beat. Eliza has been learning some sign language but knows Emma won’t be able to communicate while driving the car.

About half an hour later they pull into a car park by a very long beach and Emma grabs her phone to communicate with her Mom. She sees multiple messages from her sisters but decides she will look at them later. Instead opening the notes app and writing a message out for her Mom.

‘Do you mind walking 20 minutes to the café? I can see if there are more spaces near it, but they are generally full.’

Emma shows her typed out words to her Mom.

“Of course sweetheart! I know I’m old, but I’m not that old!”

Emma shakes her head in amusement. Not liking the thoughts of how her Mom is growing older, that her blonde hair is getting lighter and more lines are appearing on her face.

As Eliza goes to pull the handle on the door Emma stops her, causing Eliza to look back at her daughter.

“Sweetheart?”

Emma circles her face, indicating she needs to engage her face modifier.

“Oh! Of course!” Eliza quickly taps her temple and her face morphs into another.

Emma silently sighs as they both get out of the car, hoping the face modifiers can be made obsolete soon. When Emma closes the door she stumbles slightly as the world spins but she manages to catch herself on the car. She looks over at her Mom, but luckily it seems like she doesn’t notice.

“So! Which way do we go?” Eliza asks as she links her arm with Emma. Her daughter points down to the path leading down to the beach and the pair walk in sync along the coast.

Both breathe in the salty sea air and enjoy watching the waves as they gently crash against the shore.

“I’ll never get over how beautiful the sea is.” Eliza comments and Emma nods in agreement. The colours were especially beautiful today, more turquoise than blue.

“Do you remember the amount of times you’d drag us down to the beach? How you wanted to go, even when it was raining?” Eliza smiles brightly at her daughter and Emma nods. Remembering the amount of pictures showing Alex and Jeremiah sat together while Emma enjoyed being in the sea. “And then once you found out about surfing, that was it! Your Dad and Alex put their foot down when you wanted to go all the time.”

Unable to respond Emma just smiles at the memories and the utter thrill she felt when she managed to catch her first wave. How her parents cheered and Alex tried to look unimpressed, but her eyes gave her away that she indeed was impressed and proud of her sister.

Eliza continues reminiscing as they walk towards the beach hut café Lena and Emma had gone to a few weeks ago.

“Oh this looks wonderful!” Eliza says as she steps through the door and follows Emma to a free table by the window. Eliza sits and takes in the beach decor of the cafe. The white walls and ceiling with the wooded furniture and beach elements in the decoration.

Emma grabs her phone and types out a message for her. ‘Yea Lena and I love it here.’

“I can see why.”

Their waitress comes over and greets them, handing them menus for them to look over.

“What drinks can I get ya?” The waitress pulls a pencil from behind her ear.

“Oh a pot of tea for me and-” Eliza looks over at Emma who points at an apple juice and a bottle of water.

“Great! I’ll get those for you and leave you to decide on y’all food.”

“Thank you.” Eliza watches the waitress go before turning back to her masked daughter. Who sits looking out of the window and even though her daughter’s face is hidden, Eliza can see something isn’t right “So, how are you sweetheart?”

Emma picks up her phone and starts typing.

‘I’m okay, nervous about the surgery but also excited. I miss talking to you.’

“And I miss hearing your voice.” Eliza reaches out and takes Emma’s hand. “But whatever happens I’ll be here to take care of you. Even if we need to go home and get some of that mountain air into you.”

Emma smiles at the thought of going back to Midvale. She goes to type her reponse when a message from Alex pops up.

Alex: Emma answer me!

Alarmed Emma opens their group chat and starts from the beginning of the thread where Emma sent the video.

Kara: Wait what?!

Alex: When did this happen?!

Emma snorts as she reads through the continuous back and forth between her two sisters as they try to piece together their Mom’s relationship with J’onn and how they felt about it. Ranging from many different emotions, Kara seemingly being more accepting, while Alex pleads Emma for more information and her location.

“Kara and Alex?” Eliza chuckles as she watches Emma’s expressions as she reads. Emma nods and grins back at her in confirmation.

Emma: Sorry I’m with Mom atm and didn’t see your hundreds of messages.

Kara: Where?

Emma: In a café ☕️

Alex: Which cafe?

Emma: Not telling ��

Emma places her phone back on the table as the waitress comes over with the drinks. The pair order their food and Eliza can’t help but notice how Emma’s phone keeps lighting up.

“What’s that about?”

Emma hesitates but clicks on the video she recorded of her Mom and J’onn.

“Emma!” Eliza’s eyes widen as she watches. “Did you send that to your sisters?”

Emma nods guilty.

“Oh well.” Eliza takes a sip of her tea. “I did think you all already knew something, Sam and Lena seemed to have cotton on.”

Emma tilts her head and tries to remember any conversations she had with Lena about this topic. But she comes up empty.

“Oh what a surprise!” Eliza places her cup down and smiles over at the door.

Emma twists in her seat to see Alex rushing through the doorway with her phone in hand and Kara standing right behind her.

“Look! All I’m saying is that tracking Emma’s phone feels like an invasion of privacy.” Kara whispers as they move further into the cafe.

“She’s with Mom, it’s fine.” Alex snaps back and notices the table with two blondes. One beaming at her and the other looking confused. The redhead quickly marches over and sits next to, who she presumes, is Emma. Kara drops into the chair next to Eliza and straightens her glasses.

“What a nice surprise! I thought you said you were busy this morning?”

“Plans change.” Alex quips back.

“They sure do, are you joining us for brunch?”

“Do you want us to?” Kara looks directly at Emma, knowing they are taking her time away with Eliza. Emma nods and shrugs, signaling she was okay with it. “Okay, I’ll get some menus and drinks.”

“Make mine a scotch.” Alex calls after her and turns back to her Mom. “So, how long has it been going on?”

“Alex.” Eliza tiredly sighs. “We are just enjoying each other's company and supporting one another through this time.”

“But why him?” Alex asks in frustration.

“Why not him? We’ve been through so much together and I know he views you as his daughters.”

“Makes sense.” Kara places two mugs of coffee on the table and the menus. “The waitress will be over in a second and will bring our food out together.”

The table falls silent as Alex and Kara look over the menu while Emma’s eyes glance between her family, surprised by Alex’s simmering hostility.

The waitress comes back over and the sisters order. The waitress turns to go but pauses and turns back around. “I don't mean to be rude but aren't you Emma Danvers’ sisters?”

“Erm-” Kara’s eyes go wide when they realise their mistake of not activating the face modifiers.

“Don’t worry, we won’t say anything! It’s a pleasure! Also, when you see Emma, please tell her we miss her and look forward to serving her again.” The waitress beams at them before heading to the kitchen to process their order.

Touched by her comment Emma’s eyes begin to fill with tears and she looks out of the window at the sea to hide them from her family. But she misses the knowing expressions on their faces.

“So.” Alex clears her throat and focuses on her Mom. “Is it serious?”

“I would like it to be.” Eliza says honestly, making Emma wipe her face and turn back to look at her.

“But what about Dad?” The redhead says quietly, almost sounding vulnerable, as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Alex, in some ways, I will always love your father, despite everything that happened. But he’s gone and we had spoken that if anything ever happened to either one of us we would want the other to move on. For a very long time I didn’t feel at all able to, but I’ve finally got to the stage where I finally feel like I can.”

Emma sucks in her bottom lip and reaches out for her Mom’s hand. She nods and gives her Mom an encouraging smile, giving her blessing on the matter.

“Thank you sweetheart.” Eliza places her other hand over her daughter’s.

“When did it start?” Kara asks, blinking at her family as if trying to make sense of it.

“For me, I’ve always-” Eliza pauses, trying to find the right words for her daughters. She feels Emma gently squeezing her hand in reassurance. Eliza takes a deep breath and continues. “I’ve always liked him, in either form.” A small, sweet smile plays across her lips, Emma mirrors it as she watches her Mom closely.

“But when did it start?” Alex asks sternly, causing both Kara and Emma to give her a hard look.

“Girls, it's fine.” Eliza lets go of Emma’s hand and motions for Alex to give her her hand. But Alex keeps her arms crossed. Eliza sighs before continuing. “The truth is, our relationship developed while you all were still in the DEO. I mean, everyone had been so kind and welcoming, Nia especially made sure I always had a drink or she’d give me these little cakes from the bakery I like. Brainy, bless him, seemed at times unable to process what he was feeling. At one point I came into the lab and he was just so-” Eliza lifts her hands and motions them forward to emphasise the words. “Angry. I held him as he wept for the three of you. In some ways I fell into the Mom role for all of them. Sam likes to think she was the Mom too, but there were times I had to remind her to take care of herself.”

“And then there was J’onn. He saw the pain I was in and was the one who held me, told me that everything was going to be alright and we’d get through it together.” Eliza’s eyes mist over with tears. “For the first time, in a long time, I felt safe as he held me in his arms and the feelings we have for each other grew. We understood each other, our pain at our daughters' situations and the love between us grew.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kara asks curiously.

“It wasn’t really the right time.” Eliza’s mind shoots back to when Kara and Alex had been imprisoned in their cells. The hatred burning in their glowing red eyes and the agony within Emma’s bloodshot ones.

“Or after that?” Alex asks, trying to process what she is feeling.

“Maybe, selfishly, I wanted to have this to myself for a while. Because I knew you’d react this way.”

Alex’s nostrils flare and she leans forward. “Well maybe if you had been honest in the first place-”

Emma’s hand on her arm cuts her off and she turns to angrily glare at her.

“No, Em! Mom should have told us.”

“You’re right.” Eliza’s words make her daughters’ heads snap to her. “I should have told you, but I didn’t. However, now you know.”

“Please Alex, Mom deserves to be happy.” Emma pleads.

“I agree.” Kara softly says and places her hand on Eliza’s shoulder.

Before Alex can say anything the waitress comes over with their food. They start eating with the tension simmering between them.

“I’m sorry.” Alex murmurs quietly, her head down as she cuts her food.

“I know.” Eliza reaches across the table and takes Alex’s hand “And I am too. I know how much you still love your Dad and that will never change.”

Emma places her hand on Alex’s arm, completely understanding what her sister was feeling but also wanting her Mom to be happy.

“Soo, talking of love.” Kara begins, trying to steer the subject away from Eliza but soon loses her nerves as three pairs of eyes focus on her. “Erm-”

“Someone caught your eye?” Emma signs and raises an eyebrow at her sister.

“Maybe.” Kara giggles shyly.

“Who?” Alex widens her eyes slightly. “That new guy working with James?”

“What new guy working with James?!” Emma signs to both of her sisters and looks at her Mom in disbelief.

“His name is Benvolio Rossi, Ben for short, he was named after his Grandpa who migrated over from Italy and Ben moved here a few months from New York. I saw him around the office but didn’t talk to him until recently. Well, Nia kind of pushed me over to him and we ended up chatting, flirting and getting coffee.” A shy, beaming smile grows on Kara’s face.

“Picture?!” Emma signs excitedly and claps her hands.

“Okay!” Kara pulls out her phone and goes onto Ben’s facebook profile. “Here he is.” She turns the phone around.

“Eh.” Alex shrugs half heartedly and shoves in a mouthful of food.

“Alex!” Kara yells at her sister.

“What I’m a lesbian! Man things don’t do it for me.”

Emma snorts and motions Kara for her phone, so she can look at the picture properly. She tilts her head as she studies his face, feeling a sense of familiarity as she looks at him.

His olive skin glowed in the sun and his face was chiseled and handsome with shiny black hair, groomed stubble and warm brown eyes.

“Em?” Kara asks, intrigued by the curious expression on her sister's face. Emma hands the phone to Eliza who also wants to look.

“Oh he’s handsome.” Eliza exclaims. “Wow!”

“Yea.” Kara says with a goofy smile. “But-” Kara turns back to Emma. “Why were you looking at the picture like that?”

“I feel like I’ve met him before. Was he press at the gigs?”

“Well he does everything but, yea, I imagine he would have been at some of your gigs.”

“Cool! What’s he like?”

The conversations soon flow onto Kara’s new crush as the Danvers eat their meal.

-- -- --

Time passes and the family realise they need to be leaving soon to get to Nia’s bowling birthday party.

“Shall we go together?” Emma signs as they exit the cafe.

“Sure.” Alex says and holds out her hand for the keys. “But I’m driving.”

Emma looks at her scandalised and backs away from her eldest sister. “Excuse me?! I’m a better driver than you!”

Alex stalks her as Kara and Eliza link arms, trailing behind them and chatting amongst themselves.

“Don’t be so ridiculous! I’ve been trained-”

“Whoop de doo!” Emma holds her hands up.

“I can’t believe you actually just signed that!”

Emma shrugs. “Are you forgetting that I had two minors on my driving test and you had fourteen?! I still wonder how you managed to convince that poor man of passing you.” Emma signs cheekily and quickly lifts her top slightly with a raised eyebrow and sticks her tongue out to the side.

“Oh now you’ve done it!” Alex yells and Emma immediately turns around and runs after seeing the spark in her sister’s eyes.

“Run Emma!” Kara yells as Alex chases after her, both laughing as Emma dodges her attempts at catching her.

“Those two.” Eliza chuckles and shakes her head as she watches her daughters jump down onto the beach, sand flying everywhere from their chase.

Eliza turns her head to look at Kara, who watches her blonde and redheaded sisters with a big grin and laughs along with them.

“So, Ben, does he know anything?”

“No.” Kara says quickly. “I mean, there was one incident.”

“Kara!”

“Okay, maybe four.” Kara admits and quickly continues talking. “But they were completely out of my control and I don’t think he knows anything.”

“Does Alex know about these ‘incidences’?”

“No…”

They both look over and watch as finally Alex manages to grab a hold of Emma while the blonde slips on a sand mound and Alex jumps on her back, wrapping her arms around Emma’s shoulders.

“Onward valet steed!” Alex yells and points at the path.

Emma blows out a breath of amusement and trots back up to Kara and her Mom, glad that she could take Alex’s weight.

“How far away is the car?” Alex asks her Mom with a grin.

“Well after you're messing about, probably ten minutes.”

“Ah kay. Peanut let me down.”

Emma answers by shaking her head as she starts walking and tightening her grip on Alex’s thighs.

“Em-ma!” Alex laughs as Emma picks up her speed and runs further down the path.

-- -- --

Soon the Danvers are pulling into the carpark outside of the massive bowling alley and Emma can’t help but feel excitement as she gets out of the L-Car.

She quickly double checks everyone has their face modifiers activated, which Emma can’t wait to deactivate when they enter their private room.

“Ready?” Eliza says, smiling at her daughters.

“Yup!” Kara bounces on her toes and grins happily.

When they approach the doors Emma winces at the overwhelming sound of the bowling balls slamming the pins.

‘Why’s it so loud?’ Emma thinks but tries to hide her discomfort from her family. The blonde zeros in on Kara who also looks slightly pained. Emma then focuses on Kara’s glasses and realises the damper isn’t turned on. Reaching over she presses the hidden button to turn them on and Kara visibly deflates in relief.

“Thanks Em.” Kara breathes out.

“You’re welcome.” Emma signs and wishes there was a similar device for humans as she can’t help but flinch when they enter the building.

“Hello ladies!” A man greets them at the desk.

“Hi! We’re here for Princess Leia’s birthday party.” Alex informs the clerk with the hidden codename, who nods and waves over one of his colleagues.

“My colleague here will escort you to your room. Have a great time!”

“Thanks!” Kara squeals happily and follows the clerk up towards some stairs that are roped off and being guarded by security personnel.

Emma raises her eyebrow slightly at Alex as they pass them. Knowing they were Lena’s doing to make sure no members of the public will intrude on the Superfriends and messing with Emma’s timeline of recovery.

The most recent post to Emma’s social media accounts were of staged physiotherapy sessions, showing Emma slowly walking between the rails. So to have any other photos of Emma moving around more freely would cause a media frenzy that no one wanted to face.

Lucy had sent strict instructions to all the Superfriends that photos can be taken but they will have to wait to be posted.

“Here we are!” The clerk leads them to the doors where another security guard is standing by. “Shoes should already be in there plus many different balls for you to choose from.”

Emma lets out two quick breaths of laughter, causing Eliza to tap her shoulder in disapproval. Which makes both Alex and Kara chuckle while they walk through the doors.

Once inside the room Emma turns around and signs with a smirk on her face. “Balls!” Making her sisters laugh louder.

“You’re here!” Nia rushes over to them and flings her arms around Kara. “Isn’t this amazing?!”

Emma looks past Nia and has to agree, the room was an upgraded version to the main area downstairs. It almost looked brand new and was filled with tables of food and drink.

“Kara, save some for later.” Eliza instructs in a motherly tone as Kara makes her way over to the feast.

“O-kay.” Kara pouts and rushes over to grab their shoes instead.

“Oh! And Emma?” Nia beams at the blonde when their eyes connect. “Please disengage your face mask immediately!”

Emma nods and taps her temple. The Superfriends cheer and immediately Emma enjoys the freeing feeling on her face when the modifier disappears.

“That’s sooo much better!” Nia opens her arms wide and Emma beams at the brunette while she gives her a hug. When they pull apart Emma notices that her family have disengaged theirs too.

But then Emma’s eyes search around the room for Lena.

‘Where is she?’ Emma worries when she can’t find her girlfriend.

“Sam said Lena was right behind her, so she should be here any minute.” J’onn answers and takes an apprehensive step towards the blonde.

‘Hi J’onn.’ Emma thinks coolly, her smile fades as she crosses her arms and sizes him up.

J’onn hesitates for a moment until Emma’s face breaks out into a grin and she holds her arms out to him.

‘Come here!’ Emma’s mind happily yells out.

J’onn laughs in relief and wraps her in a bear hug.

‘But seriously though, you hurt my Mom and I will hunt you down! Even if you go back to Mars or something!’ Emma threatens while still in his arms.

“I promise I won’t hurt her.” J’onn whispers gently in her ear.

‘Pinky.’ Emma demands, stepping back and holding out her pinky finger.

“I pinky promise.” J’onn says seriously and wraps his big pinky finger around Emma’s.

“What you pinky promising about?” Kara asks as she bounds over to them to give J’onn a hug.

“Well, that I won’t hurt your mother.”

“Yea cause if you do I will fling you into the sun!” Kara says seriously and Alex comes to stand by her side.

“Or I kill you with said pinky.” Alex threatens while drinking a beer.

“Alex!” Emma signs and rolls her eyes at the bottle.

“What?! It’s my day off and it's past lunch time!”

Emma shakes her head and goes to collect her bowling shoes. She frowns when the only pairs left are her and Lena’s.

Reaching into her bag Emma pulls her phone out and still sees no messages from her girlfriend.

“So, shall we wait a little longer or get started? We have the room for five more hours, meaning plenty of games of bowling.” Brainy asks everyone as he rubs his hands together. Allowing his feelings of glee to come through.

“Yea, why don’t we start and we can always bowl for Lena until she arrives.” Nia smiles at everyone and races over to the scoring computer to input everyone's names. Kara follows her as they debate whether to use their real names or make nicknames up for everyone.

“If she comes.” Sam mutters under her breath as she angrily pulls her phone out. Both Kara and Emma turn their heads to stare at her in confusion, not quite believing what they heard. Surely Lena wouldn’t miss this?

“Emma, have you chosen a ball yet?” Lucy asks, making Emma jump by her sudden appearance.

The blonde shakes her head and goes over to the rack where the bowling balls are kept.

Emma looks for a ten pound bowling ball, the kind she normally uses and finds a cool looking purple and black one. Emma reaches down and prepares herself to pick it up, not wanting to twinge a muscle for not lifting the heavy ball properly.

Only when Emma puts her fingers through the holes and pulls, she overcompensates, hitting herself in the chest and crashes backwards onto the floor with the ball in her lap.

“Em?!” Alex’s voice shouts as she rushes over to Emma, still sat dazed on the floor, with Sam right behind her. “Are you okay?”

Emma nods, feeling a bit shocked and embarrassed. A blush starts colouring her cheeks as the Superfriends turn to look at her in concern.

“I’m fine. Just being clumsy.” Emma signs, trying to laugh it off and goes to get up.

“Here.” Alex grabs the bowling ball and holds it while Sam helps Emma up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sam asks, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studies the blonde’s face.

Emma gulps but nods that she was indeed okay. “Just embarrassed for causing a scene.”

“Alright.” Sam nods as well before smiling and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Ready to be beaten Danvers?”

Emma snorts and kicks her leg up behind them to hit Sam’s butt.

“Hey!” Sam yells and does it back to Emma. The blonde lets out a heavy breath of voiceless laughter.

Alex grins and shakes her head while she places Emma’s ball on the rack by the ball return and laughs at her girlfriend. “I think Em was saying no.”

“Are we bowling as teams or individuals?” James asks as he goes to pick up his bowling ball and looks up at the screen with the names on.

On team one: Nia is Dreamgirl, Brainy is Brainakins, Kara is Glasses, Emma is Stargirl, Sam is Hotmama and Lena is Irish babe.

On team two: James is He-man, Winn is Futureboy, Eliza is Aurora, J’onn is Martitan, Alex is Director of Sass and Lucy is Army Green.

“Why not both?” Eliza offers and smiles when she sees the name she has been given. “See which lane is better but also amongst ourselves in general?”

“I like that idea.” J’onn agrees.

“Of course you would.” Alex grunts before taking a swig of her beer. Only to splutter when Emma digs her elbow into her side.

“Nia? You’re first up on our team!” Kara points at the screen and everyone cheers. Emma claps her hands loudly to make enough noise. “Go Dreamgirl!”

“And remember, no powers!” Lucy orders from the stool by the computer and picks up James’ camera to take some photos.

“Yes ma’am.” Nia nods as she grabs her ball.

“You ready Dreamgirl?” James playfully taunts Nia.

“Bring it He-Man!” Nia grins back at him while lining herself up.

They both go at the same time and the game begins. Laughter, whoops and cheers fill the room as pins crash to the floor.

Kara completely misses on her first try due to the red sun dampers.

“I can put the rails up if you want?” Lucy jokes cheekily.

“No thanks, just need to get used to it.” Kara huffs out and shakes her hands. Her second attempt was much better and Emma claps loudly for her.

Next it was Emma’s turn and she makes sure not to overcompensate this time when she picks the ball up.

“Go Emma!” Lucy cheers and the blonde gets herself into position and aims.

Emma takes a few deep breaths and steps forward, releasing the ball at the lowest point. It shoots from her hand like a cannonball and knocks down all the pins.

Emma jumps up and down in excitement and the Superfriends cheer loudly behind her.

“Well done sweetheart!” Eliza pulls her into a hug. “Just how Dad taught you.”

Emma nods and goes back to sit down. Her eyes flick to the door, wishing Lena had seen her first strike. Naturally her hand reaches for her phone. She silently sighs when there are no messages or responses from her girlfriend.

Emma: Hi Lee, guess what?! I just did a strike! Your name is on the board, so you can start playing when you get here ❤️

Emma also takes a photo of Sam about to play her shot to send to Lena. Hoping this will cause some kind of response.

But her phone doesn’t bleep, causing Emma to run a hand through her hair.

“Hey, I’m sure she’s okay.” Alex notices Emma’s concern and tries to reassure her. But also looks over at Kara, silently communicating with her. Kara nods and gets up to bowl.

“Alex?” J’onn pulls the redhead’s attention away from Emma. “It’s your turn.”

“Yea! Go Director of Ass!” Sam winks at her girlfriend, causing Alex's cheeks to blush.

It soon gets to Lena’s name and everyone allows Nia to take Lena’s go and do her own.

They play seven more frames and when it gets to Lena’s name again everyone pauses.

“Kara? Do you wanna have another go instead?” Nia asks, trying not to show her disappointment.

“Er, sure! But please excuse me, I’m going to use the bathroom.” Kara squeezes out of the booth and rushes to the door leading to the restrooms.

Emma doesn't think anything of it until the door opens again and Emma turns her head to see a wind swept Lena walking in front of Kara. Emma's eyes move up and down her girlfriend’s body and takes in Lena’s fitted maroon coloured dress with black high heels.

Their eyes connect and they both feel a rush of giddiness.

“Finally!” Sam shouts as she places her hands on her hips, cutting off their moment as Lena’s eyes snap to her best friend. Causing everyone else to look over to where Sam was looking.

“Lena!” Nia squeals and rushes over to the raven haired beauty.

“Sorry Nia.” Lena apologises while they hug.

“Don’t worry about it. Contracts blurgh!” Nia gags and giggles.

“Exactly!” Lena laughs and follows Nia into the booth. She immediately sits next to Emma and kisses her lips. “Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up love.”

Emma shrugs and flattens parts of Lena’s hair that's still a bit messy from her flight over, making her girlfriend laugh.

“Thanks!” Lena chuckles and looks up at the names on the scoreboard. “I’m guessing your Stargirl?” Emma nods proudly. “Wow love. You’ve got a strike on almost every go?”

“I know?! I don’t know how.” Emma signs happily. “I even managed with a heavier ball!” Although for Emma it didn’t feel much heavier, even though it was meant to be six pounds heavier.

“Well your arms are getting more toned.” Lena nudges her shoulder into Emma’s. She had noticed Emma’s body changing and put it down to the running and weight training Emma is doing to fill her time.

A familiar twinge of regret hits Lena’s stomach at how busy she has been lately. ‘It won’t be forever.’ Lena thinks, trying to reassure herself.

Lena breaks her out of her thoughts by Emma flexing her arm and raising an eyebrow at Lena, causing a rich laugh to burst out from the raven haired beauty’s lips.

This heavenly sound makes Emma’s heart flutter and she beams sweetly at the woman she loves.

“Lena? It’s your go. Unless you want me to take it for you?” Kara asks and points at the scoreboard.

“Oh sorry!” Lena apologises and looks up at the board. “Who chose Irish Babe?” She laughs as Kara and Nia point at each other. “Right, I better get my ball and shoes.” Lena places her hand on Emma’s thigh and goes to stand up, but Emma takes her hand, stopping her from moving.

“I got them for you.” Emma pulls them up from under the bench and hands the shoes to Lena. “Also I got you a size eight ball but there is also a nine if you’d rather use that one.”

“Thanks love.” Lena places a gentle kiss on Emma’s lips. After she immediately kicks her heels off and goes to put her shoes on. Suddenly a pair of neon lime green socks appear in front of her face. “You think these socks go with this outfit?” Lena questions Emma who pouts out her lips and nods.

“I mean the shoes go exquisitely as well!” Emma signs, making Lena chuckle and puts them on anyway. Everyone wolf whistles when she gets up to bowl making Lena break out in a huge smile.

“Looking mighty fine there Luthor!” Sam hollers in a southern accent, causing everyone to burst out laughing and Lena to stare back at Sam in a mock glare.

Lena bowls and manages to get a spare. Emma claps enthusiastically when the last pin tumbles to the ground.

Lena smiles as she heads back into the booth, giving everyone high fives. Sitting down she snuggles into Emma, who wraps an arm around her waist and they watch the Superfriends bowl. Lena cheers along with everyone and takes a few deep breaths. Ridding herself of her work anxiety that had no place in the bowling alley.

They play a few more games before having a break to eat.

“Finally!” Kara yells dramatically and zooms over to the table. Emma is sure that if the sun red dampers weren’t on, Kara would have flown over.

“Kara!” Both Alex and Eliza yell in disapproval at Kara running to get the food.

“Sorry! I’m just hungry!” Kara whines while piling the food on her plate.

“Hey! Leave some for us Kara!” Winn calls across to her, making Kara squint her eyes at him.

The Superfriends get their food and sit together at a table set out for them and eat. Laughing and chatting about anything and everything. James takes a few photos before Lucy takes the camera off him to give him a chance to eat.

“Hey Lena! Em!” Lucy positions herself across from the couple and aims the camera.

The girlfriends smile widely at her and wrap an arm around each other's waist.

“Beautiful!” Lucy comments and keeps taking pictures as Lena kisses Emma’s cheek and the blonde beams at the camera. Emma turns her head and softly kisses Lena’s lips.

“Hey hey! Keep it under the R rating please!” Lucy says seriously and Emma flips her off.

A few of the Superfriends laugh and Emma smirks at Lena before pressing their foreheads together. They both close their eyes and breath deeply in.

Soon mostly everyone has finished eating and Brainy stands.

“Shall we play some more games?” Brainy asks, looking around at his friends.

“Yes please!” Nia squeals and runs back to the booth. Everyone follows other than Winn and James.

Emma and Lena sit close together and Emma goes to take a sip from her cup.

Suddenly the lights go off, causing Emma to violently jump, spilling her drink down her top.

“Happy-” Winn starts singing and everyone else joins in as he brings the cake over with lit candles. “Birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Nia! Happy birthday to you!”

Emma tries to smile as everyone sings, instead she lets out a long, heavy breath. She jumps again as Lena places a comforting hand on her thigh.

“Sorry love.” Lena whispers into her ear as the lights come back on.

“Emma! What happened to you?!” James laughs as he notices Emma’s wet, brown t-shirt.

Emma shrugs and looks down embarrassed. Missing the glares some of the Superfriends send to James. Lena grabs some napkins and tries to dry the worst of it.

“Who wants some yummy cake!” Lucy claps to draw the attention away from the blonde and goes to get the knife.

“Oo me!” Kara raises a hand and bounces in her seat like a nine year old kid.

“I’m sure the question was rhetorical Kar.” Alex snorts in amusement.

“Yea, but I want cake.” Kara shrugs with a grin.

Emma tries to smile as well but she finds herself rocking slightly as she tries to calm her racing heart.

“You’re okay.” Lena's calming voice whispers into her ear. “You’re safe. You’re with me and people who love you. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Emma nods, resting her head on Lena’s shoulder and nuzzles into her neck. Trying to seek comfort and feel safe.

If the Superfriends notice they don’t say anything about it or draw attention to Emma, leaving Lena to help Emma though her trigger as they share the cake around.

When Emma sits back up, looking less pale, Nia hands their plates with pieces of cake over.

“Thank you.” Emma signs gratefully and digs in, trying not to focus on her embarrassment at what happened.

Once the food is eaten and cleared away the bowling begins again. Although the group of friends are not as quick as before but still as competitive.

“Seriously Emma!” Lucy yells when Emma does another perfect strike. “You need to show me your technique or something.”

Emma holds her hands up in surprise and just motions her bowling.

“Nah I’m not fooling around anymore with this ‘I can’t bowl’ act!”

Emma can’t help but voicelessly laugh at Lucy’s competitive side making itself known.

“Ooo, she’s laughing at you Luc.” Alex grins at her sister.

Emma holds her hands up again in surrender at Lucy’s enraged face.

“Hey relax.” Kara tries to soothe the brunette down and rubs her back affectionately. “It’s all about the fun of playing.”

A few nod but suddenly everyone bursts out laughing and continues for a while. The Superfriends never play just for the fun of it. Mostly everyone in the group are extremely competitive.

“Good one Kara!” Winn wipes the tears from his cheeks.

-- -- --

Finally they complete their last game and Emma is the clear winner. Although she is still very confused at how she managed it but takes the praise.

The food and cake is distributed into takeaway boxes and the Superfriends say their goodbyes and birthday love to Nia. With Emma and Lena being the first to leave.

“Do you need a ride?” Emma signs to Alex.

“No, Sam is- I’m, er, going with Sam.” Alex stutters and goes a bit red as she smiles shyly. Causing Emma to smirk and shake her head.

“Yea, my director of ass.” Sam whispers into her girlfriend's ear.

This makes Emma snort and sign at her sister. “Use protection.” Emma winks.

“Protection? Protection from what?” Kara asks after watching Emma’s hands.

Emma snorts loudly again but Lena drags her away before she can hear anyone's responses.

“Modifier.” Lena yawns before they go through the door and waves farewell to everyone. Emma taps her temple, shivering slightly as the mask crawls across her face.

The couple walk down the stairs hand in hand and out into the evening air. Emma leads her girlfriend to the L-Car and opens the passenger door for her.

“Thanks love.” Somehow, despite her exhaustion, Lena still slides gracefully into the car, even with her drooping eyelids.

Emma gets into the driver's seat and leans over to plug her girlfriend in. A hum of acknowledgement leaves Lena’s lips and her eyes finally close.

Emma can’t help but smile at how cute she looks and turns the electric engine on to head for home.

-- -- --

In no time at all they are pulling into their space under the apartment building. Lena looks like she’s already in a deep sleep and Emma wonders if she can carry her up to their apartment.

Remembering how easy it was to piggyback Alex, Emma decides to go for it. She quietly unplugs Lena’s seatbelt and gets out of the driver's side. Emma quickly goes to Lena’s side and carefully opens the passenger door, hoping Lena wouldn’t fall out, but thankfully she hasn’t moved.

Leaning down Emma attentively runs her right arm under Lena’s legs and her left under her back. She manages to lift Lena and the bag of food, carrying her girlfriend bridal style out of the car. Carefully she heads for the elevator, thankfully that the L-Car locks automatically when the keyholder walks far enough away from the car.

Somehow she manages to press the button to call the elevator and again for the penthouse apartment.

‘Nice one Emma!’ She praises herself and kisses Lena’s head when the doors close.

However, once the elevator doors slide open, Emma voicelessly groans. She exits the elevator, debating what to do to unlock the door and open it.

“You know you could just put me down?” Lena says sleepily as she blinks her eyes open.

‘Of course you're awake!’ Emma rolls her eyes and gazes down at her girlfriend.

“Well?” Lena asks with a yawn, waiting to be put down.

“Get my key.” Emma mouths, causing Lena to squint up at her.

“Get your key?” Lena says back and Emma nods. “Where is it?”

“Bag.”

Lena reacts down to Emma’s messenger bag by her side.

“You know this would be a lot quicker if you just put me down.”

Emma shrugs and grins happily, liking the sensation of holding Lena close.

“Got it!” Lena pulls it out and stretches for the lock. Emma moves a bit forward to make it easier for her. “Thanks love.” Lena yawns out again and unlocks the door, partly opening it.

Emma kicks it open fully and manages to step through before it swings back.

“Impressive.” Lena chuckles while nuzzling into Emma’s chest and closing her eyes.

Emma lets out a voiceless laugh and carries Lena into the bathroom.

“No, just dump me on the bed!” Lena whines but doesn’t complain when Emma places her feet on the tiled floor and pulls her dress up and underwear down. “Ooo kinky.” Lena says seductively while cracking an eye open as Emma guides her onto the toilet.

Emma shakes her head with a smile at Lena’s comment and goes to grab Lena’s pajamas and a fresh pair of underwear.

She hears the flush and Lena whining out her name.

“Em-ma!”

‘Le-na!’ Emma yells back in her head but she quickly makes her way back to her girlfriend, who was sleepily brushing her teeth.

Emma closes the lid on the toilet and places Lena’s clothes on top, Lena watches her every move and as Emma begins to sign. “We are staying in bed tomorrow. No excuses!”

Lena clears her mouth and places her toothbrush back on the counter. “Bed all day? Lucky me.” Lena says sultry and lifts an eyebrow.

Emma rolls her eyes. “Not like that you bad girl.”

“Hmm but you’d want me to be your bad girl huh?” Lena slowly tilts her head and leans in, kissing Emma’s lips slowly and passionately. Emma could taste the fresh mint of the toothpaste on Lena’s tongue.

But Lena soon breaks the kiss, closes her bloodshot eyes and rests her weary head on Emma’s shoulder.

Emma carefully bends down and grabs the clothes so she can place Lena back on the toilet lid. She lovingly changes Lena’s clothes and kisses any exposed skin that she comes across, making Lena hum and smile.

Once Lena is changed Emma reaches down and picks her up again. Attentively carrying her over to their bed. Next she pulls the covers back and carefully places Lena on the bed and tucks her in.

Lena hums sleepily in approval but doesn’t open her eyes or makes any other movement or noise. Seemingly falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Emma smiles down at her sadly and kisses her forehead.

“Hope, dim the lights to the lowest setting.” Emma signs to the AI before reentering the bathroom to get herself ready for bed.

After she’s brushed her teeth and hair, dressed in her tank top and shorts, Emma quietly tiptoes back into the bedroom. The corner of her lip pulls up when she can hear Lena softly snoring.

When she reaches her side of the bed Emma carefully pulls the covers back and slowly gets into bed. Trying desperately not to jostle Lena.

“Hope, lights out.” Emma signs once she’s settled.

The lights slowly fade and the window dim to blackout.

Emma swallows as she turns towards Lena, listening to her steady breaths as she sleeps. Almost becoming Emma’s lullaby when her own eyes slowly grow heavy and close.

(Part Thirty Three)

[1ddotdhq]

◟̽◞̽ Mon 23 Nov ‘20🍉

Happy Monday, everyone! Harry won the (fan voted) Favorite Pop/Rock Album at the AMAs last night - AMAzing! He was not there to pick up the award (presumably because he’s filming DWD), but don’t worry, fans made sure to celebrate him anyways: PROUD OF HARRY was trending worldwide when his win was announced. HSHQ tweeted their obligatory bullet point acknowledgement that, uh, it had happened, and then went back to doing whatever it is they do when Harry is off being an actor (though presumably, they’re getting ready for tomorrow’s Grammy Nomination announcements, best of luck!). Vogue also called Harry “the most influential man in fashion in 2020”, and while I agree, the fact that they didn’t name the article ‘Harry’s got Style(s)’ is CRIMINAL! Talk about a missed opportunity! 

Louis(‘s team) is active today: they have changed the Spotify background for all of the songs on Walls! It’s now a glitching black xx smiley face with golden lights glowing in the background - a lot like what the stage of Walls on tour looked like! I’ve seen some interesting takes today, ranging from ‘what message is it this time’ to ‘does it symbolize the end of the Walls era’. Maybe, but what it DEFINITELY is, is an indication that there is movement behind the scenes for Louis’ plans - I have MISSED him so this is!!! Exciting! Niall didn't have much to say about the AMAs either, but he wasn't mad at not being asked to play-- he says “gotta have a current song. I don't have anything out to perform.” He was much more excited about what looks to be his golf management company's foray into general sports marketing (“proud of my team at Modest Sport”) and new partnership with another group (Kinetica). Liam has a Naughty List Tik Tok challenge out- and he wants you to tag him and Dixie if you partake. Dixie meanwhile is embroiled in tik tok drama but thank goodness we have no reason to report on that, Liam please stay out of it and keep it that way! And, in a beautiful way to end the day, Martyre posted another picture of Zayn!! It’s a close up of his hands in an Instagram story: he’s wearing two rings on his left hand, both Martyre brand. His hand tattoos are fully on display and, right there in the background, you can see his jawline, his chin, and his left ear (he’s wearing an earring!). Look, if you think I’m creepy for staring at this picture for way too long you have to understand how starved for Zayn content we are - especially after he teased us with those beautiful cover sessions!

And speaking of missed opportunities, the model from the WS video who had the chance to befriend Harry and blew it in every possible way (the one who previously released a screenshot of her DM asking Harry who Golden was about) is back and more embarrassing than ever! She posted a screen recording of all the convos she’s ever had with Harry (there aren’t many, and they’re definitely almost all one sided) because she was “tired of fans saying she was lying” re: the Golden DMs. She just keeps messaging him month after month as he repeatedly replies politely yet briefly, finally displaying a flicker of interest when she out of the blue invites him to a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Harry liked the message, and she said, “is that a yes?” “It’s not no”, he says, and then “boyfriend?” (HAHAHA) but the subject gets dropped (though not before she awkwardly announces that the boyfriend looks like Harry, just what H is looking for I'm sure). Fans, of course, are heavily debating whether or not this is real: is it possible she faked it, even though it's a screen record video, yes, that's very much something you can do, and you can unsend instagram messages (but the mind boggles at the idea that she might have deleted stuff but left in the things she did, which are cringey as hell and include her ex's name and phone number- if the suggestion is that HARRY deleted incriminating follow ups but left what he did, well that just doesn't make sense). If you look at the whole thing it seems pretty real to me, but in no way like Harry had the slightest actual interest in having a threesome with her, or a twosome, or going swimming with her, or in fact anything at all but discouraging her without actually ghosting her (as evidenced by the multiple times he left her on read, including when she told him she’d broken up with her boyfriend – OUCH!) with a brief detour to have some fun with the whole awkward threesome proposal. Popular theories about the whole thing include: this is the beginning of a stunt gf (definitely not but LMAO CAN YOU IMAGINE that would be the worst story EVER), this is a clever segue into seeding bisexual Harry in the service of an eventual come out (which involves accepting this whole uncomfortable mess as a set up like-- really? You think this is what they'd want that to look like?), or this is to make Harry look straight after the Vogue thing (yall have a WEIRD idea of what looks straight but now that you mention it this would be HSHQ...) Fans didn’t really love the fact that she posted a conversation between herself and H, and yeah, it’s a betrayal of trust to be publicly posting private convos- one that Harry surely expects by now given how often it happens but that doesn't mean it isn't shitty if this is real (and if it isn't why on earth would she not go all the way and fake that he had a threesome with her rather than blowing her off?). Overall I stand by what we said about her the other day, GIRL WYD??

[lucefrs]

          tl;dr: luce thinks about how she should have never ended up at georgetown in the first place, and the domino effect it had on her life. after flunking out of gallagher, she savours the summer. her and scott break up sometime after new years. a quick onslaught of success makes her feel wary, unsure how to not take up space she doesn’t deserve after doing it so many times before. she performs her own song in the lower east side.

                                                                      insp for the song she plays at the end. 

BEFORE.

luce is a bright child but lacks in the area of self discipline and application. she would benefit from paying closer attention during class discussion.

she knew from a very young age that she was not smart. at least not by the metric that institutions measure by. the unlucky curse that has kept her in the stream of academia is this: luce frear is smart enough. to graduate secondary school because it’s a key that unlocks america’s golden arches. to pursue higher education when she gets the encroaching feeling that she’s going to be found out that she doesn’t actually have any family friend's as guarantors. at the time, she doesn’t know how impossible georgetown is. but finding herself in the company of a man who will pay for her to do well, with a tutor that makes the s.a.t’s boil down to a formula of memorization and deduction is a genius move. those three hours are brutal, she struggles but she struggles through it, proud that only a handful of questions were left unanswered. it’s only after she's sat for it that she realizes how impossible georgetown is with it’s fourteen percent acceptance rate.

she uses his mailing address to apply, so it’s him that greets her with a sealed envelope that makes her stomach turn as soon as she opens the door. out of the corner of her eye she sees a bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice. she knows what the letter will say: her sat score’s a valiant effort, enough to get her into any state school, but by no means exceptional. bracing herself for his disappointment she pushes the folded paper towards him so she can pretend his disappointment’s directed at the words on the page and not at her. but the skin at the corner of his eyes pinches and there’s no crease between his brows and she knows something is very wrong. or very right. she’s not sure, at the time it’s all very muddled, thinking about how much she likes that there's no place for his smile to hide, and how that's going to be one of her favourite parts of getting old. his smile that runs right to the tip of his nose, bumps against her cheek when he kisses her. he’s kissing her. he’s happy. because of her. she’s made him happy. that's good. she's happy too. then he’s by the kitchen counter, shaking off the champagne from his hand that’s flows over the lip of the bottle and she’s saying things like, ‘   my sat scores were no where near the average,    ’ and he counters that she shouldn’t disregard the importance of supplemental essays and she makes fun of how he talks because she always does. a girl’s got nothing but a gut to trust, and every glass of champagne’s a fuck you to it. luce never pukes from having too much to drink. she pukes in his shower. luce is not smart, but she’s smart enough not to question how she got into georgetown university.

‘   god, you’re so smart luce. we could call it the boyfriend guesses my lip gloss challenge.   ’ she only hears the first part, boasting a smile that makes the apples of her cheeks swell, all rosy like. at the time gallagher had felt like a enticing romp, bound by infatuation, the glint of the dew that hung at the end of the school’s weeping willows sparkling so bright that her heart-shaped sunglasses couldn’t subdue it. luce has never waited for anything, but her first few months at gallagher felt like a gift the universe had hand-picked, oblivious of her christmas list doodled with music notes and brand names of dresses that cost seven hundred dollars, it felt like finding treasure. smart’s an understatement, genius is more apt. she lets this sentiment lead, when the offer to stay comes soaring towards at her like paper plane that falls right into the palm of her hands. it makes logical sense to stay. scott’s here.

she’ll adapt. but gallagher starts to feel worlds away, and as much as she digs her heels into the gravel, gravity starts to slip from her grasp. but how could she can complain? in outer space, anywhere she looks there’s an endless landscape of stars, bright and twinkling, beckoning her towards the nearly planet. but it makes her want to cry when she sees the blue-green dot recede into the distance.

PRESENT-ISH.

luce has her final exam tomorrow and she’s going to crush it. she’s so excited she can’t sleep. there’s no way she could fail it, unless she slept through it but that won’t happen because she has five alarms set and a scott for safe measure. she’s so excited her heart’s sprinting from her sternum to her stomach and it would be classified as nausea if she didn’t know it was just plain excitement. she winces at the brightness from her phone as she checks the time. 3:36. if she falls asleep in the next four minutes she’ll have a solid four hours, but as soon as she closes her eyes her heart runs like it’s just heard the start of the piston, and the percentage she needs to get in order to pass the class rings aloud and reverberates against her brain. forty six percent. she doesn’t even need to pass the exam in order to pass the class — she’s going to be a gallagher girl. whether she likes it or not. in the dark, her hand finds the nob of his bedside drawer, carefully sliding it open, her fingers tinkering inside to feel for whatever weed scott has, gifted joints or a prized gram for winning a dumb luck game. he always has something, even after he passes some of it on to seb. she doesn’t go far, slips out of his grasp and onto the lantern lit cobbled pavements, follows it strictly like she’s on a board in a game of snakes and ladders, stopping every time she takes a drag. she eventually falls against a bench like an abandoned rag-doll, limbs splayed every which way and falls asleep until she's woken up by the rev of a motorcycle engine set as her alarm. luce goes through the pre-test motions with due diligence, takes a shower and eats a proper meal, as though there's someone waiting to accuse her of self-sabotage. she picks up her tote that's packed from the night before and gives the test her all. it's not her fault that her focus wavered in five minute blocks, or that nerves make her feel as though there's an ongoing tussle in her tummy. she treats the residual high as something she couldn't possibly have controlled, it should've left her system by now. and she’s a hero for persevering through it. she tried her best. and in spite of it all, she still fails. thank god.

SUMMER.

she doesn’t want the summer to end. it does anyways.  

INTERLUDE

she's not the type to tuck herself into the booth, but harper’s gone to the bathroom and luce has a gnarly blister on the back of her heel, and her head’s been swimming in cheap liquor all night with no reprieve. she can’t get her head above water for more than a minute before falling back under. her gaze catches a couple in the corner, slow dancing to david guetta and her lips curl into a wry smile, his lips cushioned against his neck, murmuring something she’ll never know, and then they’re laughing — maybe about the fact that they’re slow dancing to memories, or because they’re in love, everything’s funnier when you’re in love. a tiny giggle, lost to the boom of the speakers escapes her, because she’s so in love too.

i miss you.   missing ur 🍆 spare nudes? 🙏🏼 ft? x

she holds down the backspace key and puts her phone away.

                                                         ***

‘   i don't know how to miss you in the right way,   ’ she says after a bout of silence, it makes her stomach lurch, like stepping off a ledge and finding the ground lower than expected. there’s no chance to blink back the tears, and she’s so in shock from what she’s just said that she makes no motion to cover her face from him, staring down the barrel of the webcam, like she’s on the brink of death. she’d give up the forty years of her life to get to the part where she can look back on this fondly, of a great love that once was. her child-like whimpers have her grappling for breath. ‘   it hurts.   ’ she manages to sputter out, and she knows it’s hurting him too. eventually, luce will blink away the last of her tears, because she needs this picture to really believe it.

SOMETIME, SOME DAY.

she's not so much herself as she is everyone else. there are pieces of her in the crescendo of what billboard deems the song of the summer. she’s etched in the familiarity of the bass in the last song played before last call — the resonant thrum of waking up blacked out on the front lawn of an ex best friend. the producer that the lead singer can't function without. the origin story of a grammy nominated album which started on the fire escape, exiled by roaches, a guitar slung like a rifle entering the wild wild west of cicadas and greeted by an empty ashtray save for a half abandoned spliff. a story deified for late night talk shows with parrot hosts and their fake squawks. it’s all made up names in CD booklets that no one looks at anyways. it doesn’t make her an enigma, she has a wikipedia page. record labels take her out for lunch, and she goes because she likes people, even the kind who gawk at her pretty face, drooling at the dollar signs in her doe brown eyes and blonde hair. of course, they love her, a girl who orders salad but doesn’t skip dessert — a reluctance toward fame but endlessly optimistic about the future of the music industry, splits the bill and turns a handshake into a hug when they express their keen interest in working with her. there’s a twinkling note of laughter when she pulls away and says, ‘    you’ve never even heard me sing. i’m not good enough.   ’ and she realizes with a twitch of bitterness that she doesn’t have to be, and things working out feels more like a curse when it isn’t deserved.

she talks but can't write unless it's in time signatures and treble clefs and if she does manage to write in a language comprised of letters ( which has only ever happened once ) she can't sing - unless it’s for boys she likes. so she poaches a voice, scrolling through the repertoire of people who have held her heart in their hands. her song is the last song of his set and it sounds like this. they smile through every note, she laughs at his falsetto in the last chorus. she plays her heart out with a vigour that leaves her palms moist, expecting that when the song ends there’ll be a silence broached by the slow clap of j.k simmons. luce lives in a movie and can feel the montage scene catch up to her. she can feel the lingering memory that never existed : a swollen belly and walls painted pink, a toddler that makes their white picket fenced garden a stomping ground, a cinematic pan across a fairy-lit paris, and night walks. when she looks over, she’ll see him, but she’s going to change the ending. her pinky hovers above the last key she played, letting the sound ring out into silence, before they’re met with fervent applause and whistles. this is the moment. luce looks into the crowd. she looks into the crowd and none of the faces are him because why would they be ? she hadn’t told anyone. the only person who knew was herself. it was hers. this moment is hers and she cradles it close, because she’s never had something of her own before. not really. but she likes the way it feels. the man who once held her heart in his hand kisses the top of her head and praises her with a plunging bow. she looks into the sea of strangers who watch her and she watches them back. this is the moment. hers alone. and she’s never felt less lonely.

[missperfectlyfine13]

Could This Be Something Real?

Summary: Beca takes Chloe as her date to the grammy's and now the world thinks they are together

Bechloe Week 2020 - Day 5: "Fake Dating"

Read Below or on AO3 

“Beca you have to take someone with you to the Grammy’s, you can’t just go alone,” Beca’s PR team has been trying to convince her of the fact that she needs a date for the last half hour.

“I just don’t get why I can’t go by myself,” Beca huffs, leaning back in her chair angrily, “does it matter who I bring?”

“No…” Diane, her manager, starts to say before Beca cuts her off abruptly.

“Ok, I’ll bring Chloe then,” Beca says decidedly.

“That’s not what we really had in mind…”

“I don’t care, if I have to bring someone I want it to be someone I will at least have a good time with,” she’s sick of fighting with them on this, and Chloe would be over the moon to go to the Grammy’s.

Everyone seems to collectively back down, especially since they got Beca to at least agree to bring someone, even if that someone is not a celebrity. They had a list a mile long for Beca to choose from, all people that would help her budding career if she was seen with them. Beca is up for 3 Grammy’s which is huge, considering it’s all for her debut album. Which is all the more reason for Beca to want someone she actually cares about to be there with her.

“I’m going to call her right now,” Beca whips out her phone and already has Chloe’s number dialed before anyone can stop her.

Chloe picks up on the second ring and when Beca tells her, she screams so loud Beca’s entire team can hear her.

************

The day of the Grammy’s Chloe comes over to Beca’s house, where she has an entire team waiting to do their hair and makeup. Beca lets her stylists pick both her and Chloe’s outfits. She’s not sure what either of them are wearing yet.

After a few solid hours of being pampered, Beca is standing in her bedroom wearing a slim black dress, it’s a little understated in comparison to others she has seen but it’s still one of the most expensive things Beca has ever had on her body. This is her first BIG Hollywood event too. Her hair is curled, and partly pulled back and she has on so much makeup she scarcely recognizes herself.

When she finally makes it downstairs, Chloe is no where to be seen. They must still be getting her ready. After what seems like an eternity, she hears heels on the steps of the stairs.

When Beca finally sees Chloe, her breath is stolen away, and her jaw hits the floor. She’s so beautiful it hurts. She’s in an emerald green dress, floor length and strapless. Her hair is curled into an intricate updo, her makeup not as heavy as Beca’s but it’s definitely not a natural look. Chloe sees her staring and giggles lightly.

“I think that this dress costs more than every car I’ve ever owned combined,” Chloe is touching the sides of the dress dreamily, “this is amazing…you look amazing by the way.”

“You look gorgeous,” Beca tries to pull her gaze away but she can’t.

“You ladies ready?” her assistant for the night asks, “the car is outside.”

Beca nods and outstretches her hand for Chloe to take. She eagerly takes it and they walk out to the car waiting for them.

“You know, everyone was telling me while I was getting ready, that it’s really ballsy of you to take me to the Grammy’s,” Chloe mentions as they start to drive down the road.

Beca nods, “I guess it is.”

“Is it because I’m not famous?” Chloe asks carefully.

“Actually, I think it’s more about the fact that you’re a woman,” she shrugs.

Her PR team had made it very clear that this could definitely create a rumor that Chloe is her girlfriend…and that Beca is gay. Her PR team said it could hurt her since she’s so newly famous. But Beca is gay, and she doesn’t want to hide forever. Why not rip the band aid off right away?

“They don’t want you to be public with your sexuality?” Chloe raises an eyebrow questioningly.

“No, they think it could hurt me, they were also worried about the rumors that could start about us,” Beca admits.

“Like that we’re together or something?” the red head asks, clarifying Beca’s statement.

She nods in confirmation, “Yea.”

“Well I think you should be yourself,” Chloe says boldly, “it’s better to ditch the people that won’t accept you right away.”

“That’s what I think too.”

************

Beca wins all 3 Grammy’s.

The first one they announce she actually cries…on national television.

The second one, she’s so shocked she can barely walk back up to the stage.

The third one, Chloe pulls her into a hug so tight she can barely breath. She kisses her on the cheek and Beca walks to the stage beaming from ear to ear.

After a wild night of afterparties, Beca can barely open her eyes the next morning. She vaguely registers the presence of someone else in her bed. She finally manages to roll over and sees a mop of red hair splayed out on the pillow next to her. Both girls had only had the energy to strip out of their dresses and fell asleep in their bras and underwear.

A loud snore escapes her best friend, who is clearly still very much asleep. Beca grabs her phone and is greeted by an onslaught of messages from her PR team, manager, basically her whole team. What they had all feared has come true. Beca opens up an article her assistant attached in a text.

Beca Mitchell makes a clean sweep at her first Grammy’s…with her new girlfriend by her side

She opens another.

Beca Mitchell is Gay?

And she opens yet another.

Beca Mitchell debuts hot girlfriend and sexuality at the Grammy’s.

She rolls her eyes. People are so quick to assume. Beca doesn’t care if the world knows she’s gay, but she doesn’t want to rope Chloe into this too.

Her phone rings before she can even think about replying to one of her million messages. She steps out of the bedroom, so she won’t wake her sleeping best friend.

“Did you see it?” the voice of her lead PR person rings through her ears.

“Yea I saw, what should we do?”

“Do you think you can fake date Chloe for a while?”

“What!?!” Beca screeches into the phone.

“Beca you’ve gained thousands….millions of followers overnight. People are eating this up. They love that you’re gay, they love your girlfriend, it would really help your image.”

“Oh, so now it’s ok that I’m gay.”

“That’s not what I meant, it was always ok.”

“Not really, but ok, you want to exploit my sexuality and make Chloe fake date me. You want to rope her into this mess just so people will like me?”

“It sounds really harsh when you say it that way.”

“That’s because it is.”

Beca hangs up the phone angrily before he can even think of responding. When she walks back in the room, Chloe is sitting up, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“What was that about?” she yawns.

“So, the whole world thinks you’re my girlfriend,” Beca plops back down onto the bed tiredly.

“Oh, wow,” Chloe looks as surprised as she can for how not awake she is.

“And my PR team wants us to fake date for a while, because apparently the world loves gay Beca and her hot red head girlfriend,” Beca rolls her eyes, “but don’t worry, I’m going to tell them no.”

Chloe looks at her like she’s dumb, “Why?”

“Because we aren’t dating?” Beca is looking at her just as confused.

“If it’ll help your image, I don’t mind doing it for a while,” Chloe shrugs.

“Doesn’t it feel wrong and weird to you?”

“It might be a little weird, but it’s not like we’re putting on the ball and chain. We can do it for a while, then ‘break up’” Chloe says, making air quotes with her fingers.

“Are you sure you’re ok with this?” Beca double checks.

“Yea why not? This is the most action I’ll have gotten in a while,” Chloe winks at her teasingly.

“You’re so weird,” Beca shoves her before calling her PR team back.

************

The world absolutely eats up Beca Mitchell and her “new girlfriend” Chloe. Chloe is launched into fame so quickly that neither of them have time to process it.

“Dating” Chloe is also easier than Beca was expecting. It’s easy and fun. Beca likes taking her on dates, she likes making cute Instagram posts. She likes gushing about her budding relationship in interviews. By the looks of it, Chloe is having just as much fun as she is. It makes her wonder if the feelings they are pretending are as fake as they claim.

“Bec?” Chloe walks over to her, phone outstretched.

“Yea?”

“Take a cute pic with me, I need to make a new post,” the red head sits down and wiggles herself as close as she can to Beca.

Chloe leans in close and pecks Beca on the cheek, capturing it all with her phone. Beca can still feel her cheek tingling where Chloe’s lips had been. It’s been that way lately, her heart speeds up whenever she’s around her best friend. Sparks fly up her arm when they hold hands.

Does Chloe feel it too? How fake is this anymore?

“So has your PR team told you when we should break up?” Chloe asks nonchalantly as she makes her Instagram post.

Beca feels her heart break in two at the question, she knew it would be something they’d talk about soon, “I don’t know, I can ask them.”

“No rush,” Chloe says sweetly, smiling at Beca.

Beca nods, trying to swallow back an unexpected batch of tears. She definitely won’t rush this. Beca has decided she wants to prolong their “dating” for as long as she can, because as much as she hates to admit it. She has feelings for Chloe.

Maybe Chloe will eventually have feelings for her too.

[marvels-writings]

Escape (2)

| Part 1 | 

Request: Hi! I always love your writing. Everything is closed in New Zealand for at least another 3 weeks so your writing helps keeps me sane. Could you please do a Maria Hill x reader. Maybe the reader is an assassin that Maria has been trying to bring in for months but reader always manages to escape. The reader catches feelings for Maria during their many encounters and one day helps her save one of the avengers. Maria asks reader “if i asked you to stay, would you?”. Angst but Happy ending please ☺

A/N: I’m trying to procrastinate less but at the same time I downloaded software that makes a cat follow the mouse on my computer so now I have an army of cats following my mouse whenever it moves, it’s kinda funny honestly, anyway back to the story

Hideouts were always tough to find but easy to decorate. You’d recently gotten a new hideout in a cheap motel on the edge of New York, they were in debt so they let you buy the room, you could have it as long as you needed it for, you paid them whatever they needed as long as they didn’t tell anyone you were here. A lot of police had come to their doorstep to ask about you, they lied for you. 

You felt a little bad for them as you lay down on the bed, watching some random TV show while deciding where to go next. You had enough money to last a few years, enough resources and contacts to live the rest of your life peacefully and undisturbed, maybe you’d go to Tahiti, alone it would be a bit boring though.

The phone ringing quickly broke you out of your thoughts, you picked up hesitantly to find the daughter of the family who owned the motel telling you there were agents who said they were from a place called SHIELD to search the place, you told her to calm down and bid your goodbyes, quickly packing up everything you could and changing into your black and fav/color battle suit, putting a hoodie and jeans on top of it after tucking knives and guns into it. 

The agents were coming closer, you could hear it, if you got caught the entire family would be in danger, so you quickly snuck out the window after making sure there was no trace that you were ever there, you quickly walked on the roof of the entrance, realizing there were guards everywhere. You discreetly slid down the side of the roof, dusting your jeans off after. 

Maria Hill had made an appearance with about 5 more agents wearing uniforms, you raised an eyebrow and walked away as subtly as you could. One of the agents made her way to you, she seemed new so you let it pass. She had a tanned complexion to complement her light brown hair, a fairly athletic b

“Excuse me, miss?” She asked, you turned around and gave her a small smile, she seemed not to recognize you.

“How can I help you?” You asked politely, she showed you a picture of what you’d looked like when you had different hair and you’d changed your makeup, there was a little resemblance of what you used to look like. 

“Have you seen this woman?” She asked, you nodded no and she quickly thanked you before walking off, Maria hill turned around and thought she recognized you, but maintained her distance, deciding you weren’t here.

 After realizing you didn’t have a ride, you quickly called the agent back over, claiming you needed to speak to her in private. After taking her into one of the spare rooms, you apologized and knocked her out with your taser, quickly stripping her of her uniform and covering her up with your hoodie and jeans, leaving an apology note before putting on a spare mask you carried around, it let you take up her appearance. You walked out confidently, one of your knives still with you as you threw your bag in the back of the car.

“Did you find anything Ella?” Maria came up to you and asked, your eyes widened a bit but you answered smoothly, realizing the agent’s name was Ella Newman.

“Nothing, the family doesn’t seem to know anything about Y/l/n.” You answered, getting into the passenger seat of the car. Maria frowned a little but got into the driver seat, starting up the SHIELD car.

“Hungry?” She asked you shrugged, you could eat, and it wasn’t every day you got to eat lunch with SHIELD’s deputy director.

“I can eat.” You shrugged, Maria smiled a little while driving towards the city center, you remembered you still had a secret hideout with clothes you could wear.

“I’ll drop you off at your place and pick you up at 6:45?” Maria offered, you shrugged and gave her the address of the hideout, noticing her frown when she remembered that was where Y/l/n was sighted a few times, the place had been checked out, there was nothing there.

The rest of the drive was pleasant, both of you chatted about SHIELD but you didn’t reveal too much about yourself, or who you were pretending to be. Maria noticed but decided not to push, most SHIELD agents had a dark past, you were probably one of them. 

“I’ll see you then.” You winked at Maria and then walked out and into the apartment building, it was a decent place, you’d made sure it had decent clothes and food.

After she drove off, you went into your room and took off the mask, putting on a fancy outfit and putting on makeup so you looked more like the person you were pretending to be. You fixed your hair up the best you could, made sure you looked like the agent you were faking. You had a maximum of 4 hours before they discovered you were faking, you were going to take full advantage of it. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

After settling on a fav/color top with roses embroidered on it, black jeggings, and black sneakers you decided to slip a few knives and a small pistol in your outfit when you heard a knock at your door. You checked your appearance in the mirror, you looked like a SHIELD agent. You opened the door with a smile on your face,  Maria wore an azure blue v-neck blouse with navy blue trousers and some simple silver jewelry, a small silver necklace with a sapphire pendant, she held a bouquet of roses in her hand. 

“Thank you.” You thanked her with a dazzling smile, taking the bouquet from her and putting it on the table next to you, making a mental note to put them in the water later. 

“Of course, I know this great Italian place about 20 minutes from here if you want.” Maria offered as you quickly shut the door and followed her out of the apartment building. 

“That sounds amazing, I’m starving.” You smiled, walking to her dark blue Audi car, climbing into the passenger seat, it still smelt like a new car. 

The drive there was decent, it was mostly talking about music once Maria had made the mistake of switching on the radio to a song you absolutely hated. On the walk to the restaurant, you bantered Billie Eilish’s success. 

“I still think she just got lucky,” Maria remarked, opening the door for you as you rolled your eyes, the atmosphere of the restaurant was friendly but still fancy, you were a bit underdressed but neither of you minded. 

“You can’t get that lucky,” You argued back as the waiter led you to a reserved table that already had a bottle of wine waiting. “I mean she did win 10 grammies.”

“She won 5 awards Ella,” Maria stated, you rolled your eyes. 

“Semantics.” You shot back, Maria laughed a little, enjoying your company than most SHIELD agents.

The rest of the dinner was better than either of you had expected. Once Maria dropped her tough SHIELD demeanor, she was funnier and softer, which surprised you a little. You were more carefree and relaxed than most people Maria had met, which was a nice change of pace. You made Maria silence her phone after it pinged twice, to give you a little extra time with her. Dinner was over a little too soon, Maria offered to drive you back when you proposed a walk through the streets.

Maria found herself unable to say no, after about 5 minutes through the walk, you shivered and moved closer to her. Maria smirked and brushed her hand against yours before confidently taking it and walking, flustering you through the facade you had. 

“Let’s go,” Maria said once you started shivering, even more, you nodded and let her drive you back, talking about how underrated the restaurant was.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Thank you for dinner today.” You thanked Maria once she had dropped you at the apartment, she had even gotten out and walked you to your door through the apartment building.

“Anytime, I’m hoping we could do this again?” Maria asked, a little hesitant to ask you, she noticed your reluctance to answer. 

“I hope so too.” You covered it up quickly with a smile, using Maria’s blush to steal a glance at her phone, the notification read that you were a fake, you needed another distraction, you still wanted more time. 

You quickly surged forwards and met your lips to hers, Maria almost flinched back in surprise, but she couldn’t help but melt at the sudden action. Her hands came to rest on your waist, gently tugging you closer by the belt loops. The kiss distracted you from your resolve to steal her phone, you pulled away when you were out of breath, still keeping your bodies close.

“Wow,” You muttered, realizing this was the one thing you said which wasn’t a lie.

“Yeah, wow,” Maria gasped, reluctantly pulling away from you before frowning. “I don’t have your number.”

“Oh, right.” You said Maria gave you her phone without glancing at the notifications, you quickly cleared it and typed your name in with the phone number of the phone you had in this hideout. 

“I’ll see you later.” Maria smiled, you smiled back and leaned forwards to quickly peck her lips before heading into your apartment, mentally tallying everything you need to pack up before she realized, you had maybe 20 minutes, 30 if she drove off. 

You started packing up your things into a suitcase, smirking before putting the roses into a large vase with water in it after chopping off the stems in one smooth motion with your knife. You left a small note for Maria and threw all of your things in your bag, facepalming when you realized you left your other bag in the SHIELD car, you knew they would send the same car here, you needed the bag. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Maria left your apartment building with a soft smile on her face, thinking of the dinner as she started up her car, giving a glance to your contact before the notifications filling up her phone. She quickly swiped to view one. 

‘Y/n Y/l/n was last seen faking the identity of Agent Newman.’ There was a picture of you next to the agent who you were impersonating. 

“Shit,” Maria muttered before opening her door, gun in hand as she headed into your apartment building to find you.

| Part 3 |

Tag List: @capcarolsdanver​, @versdan​, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught​, @lovebotlarson​, @dhengkt​, @5aftermidnight​, @hstoria​, @natasha-danvers​, @veryfunnyal​, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​ , @ophelias-heart​  , @never-didbefore​ , @justarandomhumanhere​, @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all , @thatssocamryn​ , @lesbian-x-blackwidow​ , @marvelbbyx​ , @wlw-imaginesss​ , let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

A/N: Thoughts?

[ofmallory]

( tati gabrielle , cis female , she/her, twenty-four ) omg ! i was walking yonge street downtown , and you’ll never guess who i saw . mallory roth ! i just saw a post about them on sixsecrets ! i think it said something like “ still no word on the status of mal roth's next album — but at least twitter stans are posting some hilarious memes about the three - year - long wait ” . isn’t that wild ? i guess it makes sense through , since they’re apparently fickle and self-absorbed . but i’ve heard they’re also ardent and ingenious ! i’ll just stick to giving them the benefit of the doubt . i mean , it’s not like i know them personally — they’re a famous singer / songwriter ! you know , i’ve actually heard rumors that ____ , but they’re just rumors … i think . i dunno . if you happen to run into them , tell them i’m their biggest fan ! ( sam , she/her , 23 , est )

* lorde career claim !

greetings and salutations! i’m sam and i’ve been thinking about this muse for aaaages, but this is my very first time writing her! character info is under the cut and of course, please message me if you would like to plot!

triggers : abandonment, theft, car accident.

STATS

FULL NAME: mallory corine roth ; born mallory im

NICKNAMES: mal, moll, mollie

GENDER + PRONOUNS: cis female + she / her

DOB + AGE: december 31st, 1995 +  twenty - four

ZODIAC: capricorn

HOMETOWN: oakland, california

ORIENTATION: panromantic / pansexual

OCCUPATION: singer / songwriter

HISTORY

mallory im was born and raised in oakland, california. her mother was a nineteen - year - old pre law student at uc berkeley and her father was in the midst of his fifteen minutes of fame as a musician with a number one song on the radio. he was in town for a gig which mal’s mother attended, and then just a few weeks later she discovered that she was pregnant. her parents ( mal’s maternal grandparents ) were absolutely furious. they disowned her on the spot, kicking her out of their house and stopping their payments of her college tuition. forced to drop out, she resorted to working several small jobs at once in order to cover doctor visits and the rent for her small, run - down apartment.

much of what mal knows about her early childhood is things that she was told rather than things that she actually remembers. after she was born, her mother resumed her college courses in between her revolving door or minimum wage jobs. her parents were civil with each other. by the time that she was born, her father’s career had completely fallen off and he put most of his earnings into starting a record label ( that wasn’t very successful at first ), but he would still send them some money every once in a while.

mal was three years old when her mother began dating a local businessman. the owner of a luxury car dealership, he was slightly older and a widower with two children of his own, and he and mal’s mom fell absolutely smitten with each other. it wasn’t long before they were picking out flower arrangements and setting a date for their wedding ( mal was the flower girl and her soon - to - be stepbrothers were groomsmen ). 

after the marriage took place, mal’s new stepfather was completely committed to taking care of the new members of his family. he moved them into his home, paid for mal’s mother to complete her degree, and even formally adopted his new stepdaughter, her surname officially changing to roth. 

the few years that ensued were uneventful outside of a few things : mal started taking music lessons, her stepbrothers went off to college and so she became the only child of the household, and her mother completed law school and opened up a practice in the city. 

mal tried countless hobbies, but nothing besides music could hold her interest for long. in high school, she joined the skater kids clique and started to rebel. it was just small things at first : sneaking out after curfew, trying cigarettes, drinking at the skate park with her friends on the weekends. her parents had noticed of course, so they scolded her a little and figured that was that. spoiler alert : it wasn’t.

at approximately two in the morning on her sixteenth birthday, mal and a few of her friends drunkenly stole a car from her stepfather’s dealership and wound up crashing into lake merritt. mal was behind the wheel at the time. fortunately, no one was seriously injured. her parents were simultaneously relieved and furious. however, they were far more interested in helping her rather than punishing her. deciding that a change of scenery and being away from her friends who they deemed to be a bad influence might be good for her, mal’s mother and stepfather sent her to live with a virtual stranger.

in the years since he had started his record label, mal’s father had upgraded his reputation, going from washed - up musician to successful businessman and mentor. he’s credited with launching the careers of several artists in the genres of rap and r & b. he was earning more money than ever, dating beautiful celebrities, and buying all sorts of expensive items for himself. he sent cards & money for birthdays & holidays and called on the phone every once in a while, but mal had never met him.

she never thought much of it. their first in - person meeting was actually rather anticlimactic. his chauffeur picked her up from the airport and brought her to his enormous bel air mansion, and he was just leaving for work when she arrived. he told her to make herself at home, and that was it.

mal spent her first few weeks in los angeles exploring her new home. she poked around the edges of the local party scene and found that it had lost its appeal for her after the accident, so she turned her attention to the one constant in her life : music.

she started accompanying her father to the studio and quickly caught onto the basics. at just sixteen years old she was writing songs that artists were literally fighting over, but as she noticed her words growing more and more personal, mal started keeping songs for herself and soon she had more than enough for an entire album.

the song royals was released in 2013 when mal was sixteen years old, written about her first impressions of los angeles as someone who had never left their less famous and glamorous hometown. it was kind of an experiment. no one really knew what was going to happen, but no one was expecting the song to become the PHENOMENON that it did.

royals was critically acclaimed, spent nine weeks at the number one spot on the billboard hot 100 chart, and went on to win two grammy awards : best pop solo performance and song of the year.

her debut album pure heroine was released in 2013 as well, and her second album melodrama was released in 2017. the long break in between albums became a literal meme that’s starting to pop up again now that it’s been around three years since mal has released something new.

she moved to toronto in 2016 while she was working on her second album. it was just supposed to be a little vacation that would hopefully help to clear her head because she was struggling to write at the time, but mal wound up falling in love with the city and decided to make it her permanent residence.

PERSONALITY

Perfectionist™️

I HATE EVERYBODY by halsey is honestly a perfect explanation for how she typically is in her personal relationships. she falls hard and fast, and when the relationship inevitably disintegrates she’s devastatingly heartbroken until she discovers a new infatuation. she does it with both romances and friends, moving through the lives of people around her in search of something she’s never found.

basically, she wants love but expects it to happen right away, and when it doesn’t she immediately writes off the relationship as a failure. 

the type of person to literally move to a new house if her refrigerator stopped working because she doesn’t feel like getting it fixed.

almost overly generous with friends. you like her perfume? here, take the bottle! car broke down? come on, she’ll buy you a new one! material things = love is something she isn’t even aware that she believes in, but she absolutely does.

she’s REALLY self - centered though. people do often approach her for advice, but she’s just not a good listener.

lowkey insecure and worries that she’s unloveable but she’d never outright say so except for in her music.

she’s approachable, but not really the chatty, small talk type. because of this, she’s gotten a bit of an unfair reputation for being frigid in the media.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

best friend ( basically the one person she’s never gotten even a little bit bored of. )

friends ( usually surface level, but also former friends, childhood friends, industry friends )

industry rivals

enemies

pr relationships ( romantic, platonic, negative, but all 100% fake )

exes / hookups / ewb / fwb 

her current infatuation - could be platonic or romantic

THERE IS A POTENTIAL CONNECTION THAT INVOLVES HER SECRET, SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME IF YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED AND WE CAN DISCUSS!

these are just some base ideas for connections, so please don’t feel limited to what’s listed here!

[lostinfic]

Hello! I miss Roderick and him being a softie on the inside 😭 Can you write something with him? 😔 I know this very random

The (not so) evil twin

Thank you, I love Roderick! This ficlet is the definition of self-indulgent: it’s Roderick being cute with his nephews.

I ship him with Alison Crosby (have you read “Dissonance and Harmony”?), but it doesn’t matter if you don’t know her.

Rated E | 802 words of fluff

Send me your most self-indulgent prompts

Nanny wasn’t exactly the glamourous job Alison had dreamt of all her life, but it paid the bills until her inevitable rise to pop music fame. And, to be honest, the two year-old twins were a far more forgiving audience than the bar patrons on karaoke night.

Alison sang “Can’t buy me love” to Noah and Jacob as they ate their breakfast— not the most obvious nursery rhyme, but she prided herself on expanding the boys’ repertoire. The babies ate handfuls of banana slices while dancing in their high chairs.

Donald, their father, entered the kitchen, tying his tie.

“Have you ever thought of becoming a music teacher?” he asked. “You could help us win the next Song for Christmas competition.”

He was a teacher himself and an all-around lovely, decent man, unlike other men she’d had the misfortune of encountering— but that was all in the past. 

“Maybe I will,” Alison said.

He swallowed a glass of orange juice and put on his coat to go to work.

“By the way, my brother’s coming over today. He might get here before I come back from work.”

“Roderick?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Alison had never met Roderick Peterson, but she’d certainly heard of him. The good and the bad. His scandalous attempt to cheat during a children’s choir competition had made the headlines. Donald himself rarely had a kind word for his twin brother. But the man had won Grammy awards and was an extraordinary musician and conductor.

“Why’s he in town?” she asked.

“He said he wanted to see the kids. Just.. let him in and go for a walk with the kids and ignore anything snarky he might say about the house.”

“Gotcha.”

*

Roderick arrived not long after lunch. Even just standing there, on the doorstep, Alison found him intimidating. Sure, he looked just like Donald but his thick-frame glasses and slick, parted hair gave him a much more stern look. 

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Alison, the nanny.”

He looked her up and down. 

She took his coat, a classic Burberry trench, and handled it carefully under his watchful gaze. He scanned his surroundings for a clean surface to put down his Louis Vuitton bag.

“Where are the children?” he asked.

She took him to the living room where they were playing with squishy cubes.

Something happened then, a transformation, right before her eyes. Roderick’s face split into a wide smile and he opened his arms, calling his nephews to him. The kids ran to their uncle who pretended to topple over. He tickled them, and they screamed with laughter. 

She couldn’t believe it. He didn’t seem to care that his sharp suit would be covered in lint and unidentified sticky stuff. 

Alison joined in their games, helping the twins “escape” their uncle. 

He chased Noah and Jacob until they hid behind Alison’s legs. Roderick stopped before her, his cheeks were flushed from running and his hair messy from little hands. For the first time, she noticed his boyish freckles. He smiled at her. 

Oh.

“You think you can hide behind your nanny?” he said.

The next second, he hauled Alison over his shoulder. She yelped. He carried her across the room. The twins were losing their minds. 

When he dropped her on the couch, she was laughing so hard she could barely catch her breath. He collapsed next to her, in stitches.

“Are you alright?” he asked. “I’m sorry if I caught you by surprise.”

“I’m fine. Really.” 

“There is something to be said for letting one’s hair down from time to time,” he said.

“Yeah, busy man like you, I bet you need to blow off some steam— “

“A’ison!” Jacob said, pulling on her sleeve.

“Give me a minute, sweetie.” I’m flirting with your uncle.

“Sing the 500 miles.”

“The Proclaimers?” Roderick asked.

“It’s a fun song, they like it,” she quickly explained, afraid he would disapprove.

She started singing, but felt self-conscious for some reason. The twins sang along during the chorus. Much to her surprise, Roderick joined in too. Halfway through the song, they were up and jumping, singing at the top of their lungs.

“I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more!”

“Da da da!”

“Da da da!”

Alison had a feeling the kids’ nap was going to be delayed.

Roderick sat at the piano and played another song by The Proclaimers that Alison knew. She sat beside him on the bench and sang several songs, each with a slower tempo than the last until the twins had been lulled to sleep. 

Alison and Roderick each picked up a kid and carried them to their bedroom. He paused to watch his nephews’ peaceful slumber, a soft smile on his lips.

Although Alison had never felt the pull of motherhood, in that moment, she let herself entertain fantasies of the domestic kind.

“Cuppa?” she whispered.

“I’d love that.”

[tswifttheories]

#SnakesEatRats: I Analyzed The Leaked Taylor/Kanye Phone Call

And I colored coded the conversation to contrast their stark differences in their behaviors and intentions.

To further support that #TaylorToldTheTruth I have analyzed the full phone call between Taylor Swift and Kanye West.

See the images below for their conversation, and refer to the key to see my interpretation of their intentions.

The video starts with Kanye barking at someone to “lock the door” and wait outside. Afterward, West resumes talking about himself to Taylor, then moves on to ask him to promote his upcoming single.

Taylor responds apprehensively and  subtly questions his intentions.

West says that there’s a controversial line about her in the song, and teases her several times before finally revealing the line.

Taylor’s immediate response is an amalgamation of compliments, apprehension, justification, and advice.

Kanye tells her she doesn’t have to do the Twitter post, but does not mention that he would not do the line if she didn’t give her blessing. Combined with the power imbalance here, it’s clear that Kayne did not intend to relent on the line in any way but was willing to give the appearance of cooperation to use her for promotion.

Taylor continues to lament on her anxieties, none of which Kanye addresses or reassures her of other than to say that his sound would be a “cool thing to have.”

Kanye tells Taylor that he gives a fuck about her as a person and as a friend. He says he wants to make music that makes people feel good. Then, he delves into a rant about Nike, which Taylor politely entertains.

Taylor spends a considerable amount of time thanking Kanye for his willingness to include her on this decision and how nice he is to give her a head’s up rather than doing something unexpected.

Kanye uses this opportunity to segue into Kanye talking about himself and some dumb unexpected shit he did as a publicity stunt, since that’s all his career seems to be mounting up to at this point.

Taylor responded positively. 

Kanye tells taylor that they have a “connection” and that how they met is “really important.” You know, when he yanked the microphone from her when she was 19 years-old to discredit her hard work?

Taylor defended the song by saying that she didn’t think anyone could think it was mean spirited.

Kanye dismissively addresses what she says, then reiterates her idea that they have to pick specific moments to work on really cool material together, then immediately begins rambling.

Kanye then asks “what if” he took credit for her fame in the song.

Taylor responds with clear apprehension, questioning if that was true.

Kanye responds with a vague answer, to which Taylor, completed defeated, asks what she could do about it. Kanye is dismissive of her concerns. She then goes on to defend the line by saying that he was simply speaking his truth, despite the fact that it isn’t the truth.

Taylor asked what the song was called. Kanye said it “might be called Hood Famous.” So, it might be this title... another non-answer to a valid question.

She continues to ask questions about his plans for the song, and inquires whether or not he will attend the Grammys.

The camera dies, but the conversation then picks back up to them still talking about attending the Grammys. Kanye then uses this opportunity to waste several minutes of one of the most famous women on the plant’s time by rambling incoherently in between stroking his ego.

Once Kanye finishes his pointless tangent, Taylor once again takes this opportunity to compliment Kanye, even going as far as saying that she has always respected him, and is always going to respect him. Then, she continued to defend the song and thanked him for his friendship.

Kanye simply said thank you.

Taylor continued, vowing that she would defend Kanye when pressed about the song.

Kanye dismisses what she says and then essentially declares that he’s won her over.

Taylor confirms, and then continues to say that she will defend the line and Kanye when pressed.

Taylor then gives Kanye advice on the line and how to tow the line between respecting his relationship and honoring his artistry. The artistry of spending 8 months to come up with, arguably, a really shitty line.Kanye tells the camera man once the call has ended that they “had to get that on the record.” He then goes on to say that “there’s gotta be three cameras” recording when Taylor explains that line, emphasizing that they can’t miss that part.

Taylor Keeps the Peace Despite Her Concerns

Taylor has to ask twice before West will tell her the lyric in question. West has three false starts before finally revealing the lyric, building Taylor's anticipation and anxiety of what the line will be.

Taylor specifically cites her fear that West would call her a "bitch" and West did not respond to this.

Taylor spends much of the first half of the conversation lamenting about her anxieties and expressing her discomfort with the idea.

Taylor compliments West numerous times - West does extend the same courtesy to Taylor a single time.

Kanye Is Dismissive and Self-Absorbed

West has three false starts before finally revealing the lyric, building Taylor's anticipation and anxiety of what the line will be. Using this tactic ensures that Taylor has the worst case scenario in her head (she even said as much during the call) and this allows her to feel ‘relieved’ when it’s not as malicious as she was anticipating. To me, this is another clear power move when Kanye is holding the upper hand and he knows it.

West speaks very highly of himself during  many parts of this conversation.

West gives vague answers to every single question Taylor asks (e.g. he didn't even tell her the final name of the song, never told her the final cut of the lyric, said it "might" have happened when she asked about a specific line).

West starts off his proposal by citing how many followers she has, indicating he is only pursuing her permission so that he can benefit from her influence. Notably, and obviously, Swift did not promote this song which resulted in West releasing edited footage of this call, which in turn drastically affected her public reception and influence.

West spends a significant portion of the call rambling on incessantly. This reminds me of an episode of MTV’s Boiling Points. I feel as though West did not get what he wanted out of this call, which is why only edited footage was released. Getting Taylor to blow up at him for not shutting the fuck up may have been his plan. Or maybe he frequently starts a thought and has no idea where it’s going.

They Set Out to Destroy Her

Kanye West (39 at the time) and Kim Kardashian (36 at the time) tried to destroy the life, career, and reputation of a 26-year-old woman who only wanted their respect and friendship. They allowed her to be dragged through the mud, called a snake, go into hiding, and constructed an entirely false narrative around her.

Summary & TL;DR

Kanye went into this phone call knowing he would get something he wanted. This phone call was only going to benefit him, and would only serve to keep Taylor in line or ruin her reputation.

It is clear that Taylor wanted the approval of this man - her bully and the man who humiliated her on live TV after winning a major award - so much. She complimented him, defended the song, gave him advice, and was reacted positively to the pitch despite her obvious anxieties.

𝔼𝕏ℙ𝕃𝔸ℕ𝔸𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ 𝕆𝔽 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕂𝔼𝕐

Taylor

ℙ𝕀ℕ𝕂: anything highlighted in pink is instances where I felt that Taylor was trying to defend the song Famous or convince herself to come around to the idea.

𝕐𝔼𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎: anything highlighted in yellow are instances where I felt that Taylor was expressing apprehension or concern regarding something that West had said, something he suggested, or something related to the situation as a whole.

𝔹𝕃𝕌𝔼: anything highlighted in blue is Taylor expressing excitement for West or giving him compliments or the benefit of the doubt.

ℙ𝕌ℝℙ𝕃𝔼: anything highlighted in purple is advice that Taylor is giving to West about how the song will be received and what he should do about the line.

𝔾ℝ𝔼𝔼ℕ: anything highlighted in green is Taylor asking questions about what West is talking about or asking questions about his life/upcoming events.

West

ℕ𝔸𝕍𝕐: anything highlighted in navy blue are instances where West is telling either a half-truth or complete lie. Unfortunately, this conversation does not include lies by omission for obvious reasons.

𝕄𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕆ℕ: anything highlighted in maroon are instances where I feel as though West is using manipulative language to get Taylor to agree with what he is asking of her, or complimenting her with an ulterior motive (e.g. you have an army of 2 billion people to promote my song).

𝔾ℝ𝔼𝕐: anything highlighted in grey is West talking about himself, complimenting himself, talking himself up, or diverting the conversation back to himself

𝕆𝕃𝕀𝕍𝔼: anything highlighted in olive is West responding to something Taylor has said without actually acknowledging what she said, and where I perceive him to be continuing his own train of thought rather than having a dialogue with her.

𝔻𝔸ℝ𝕂 ℙ𝕌ℝℙ𝕃𝔼: anything highlighted in dark purple is West going off on a completely unrelated tangent

𝕃𝕀𝕃𝔸ℂ: anything highlighted in lilac is West simply repeating what Taylor said, or rewording something she just said – often comes off as though he is presenting this as his idea.

Twitter: tswifttheories

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Maybe I got mine, but you’ll all get yours.

[fmstevie]

              *    ╰              waddup   y’all   ruby’s   back   2   annoy   u   all   w   a   lil   british   fuckboi   action   .   here’s   stevie   ,   inspired   by   matty   healy   n   thinkin   she’s   a   god   among   men   .   i   don’t   recommend   u   read   on   but   in   case   u   do   i   pray   u   forgive   me   enough   2   want   plots   w   that   like   button   .   🤡

                new   york’s   very   own      𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄   ‘   𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘   ’   𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄            was   spotted   on   broadway   street   in   doc   marten   smooth   leather   chelsea   boots      .   your   resemblance   to   diana   silvers   is   unreal   .   according   to   tmz   ,   you   just   had   your   twenty   -   second      birthday   bash   .   while   living   in   nyc   ,   you’ve   been   labeled   as   being         𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐬   ,   but   also   𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞   .   i   guess   being   a   cancer      explains   that   .   3   things   that   would   paint   a   better   picture   of   you   would   be      erudite   inclinations   informed   by   a   god   complex   ,      melodrama   as   your   magnum   opus   ,   &   the   world’s   most   secretive   love   life         .               (   i   had   a   secret   marriage   that   lasted   6   months   but   ended   due   to   my   fear   of   my   family’s   mafia   ties   getting   in   the   way   .         )      &      (   cis   female   &   she   /   her      )

𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆      :      stephanie   charlotte   greystone 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔      :            primarily   stevie   ,   although   her   stage   name   is   ‘   grey   ‘   which   has   caught   on   as   a   go-to   nickname   .   takes   little   to   nothing   else   wilingly 𝒂𝒈𝒆      :            twenty   -   two 𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄      :      cancer    𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      :      professional   musician   with   a   voiceclaim   of   lorde   ,   on   temporary   hiatus   to   write   grey3   .   casual   photographer 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓      𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚      /      𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔      :      cis      female      /      she      her      hers 𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      :      pansexual   w   strong   female   pref   but   tbh   if   u   can   handle   her   energy   she’ll   b   down   WKERWJER 𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕      :      5’10  🤤 𝒍𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒔      :      the   hedonist   ,         the      aesthete      ,      the      opaque   ,      the      vainglorious      ,      the      prodigy      ,      the      intangible   concept       𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈      𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔      :      rhiannon      -      fleetwood   mac      /      WHAT   U   CALL   THAT      -      chase   atlantic    /      iceberg      -      borns      /      UGH      -         the      1975     /      boss   bitch      -      doja   cat      /      elephant      -      tame   impala     /      black   hole   sun      -      soundgarden      /      black   madonna      -      cage   the   elephant      /         this   charming   man      -      the   smiths     /      swim      -      chase   atlantic      /      1999   WILDFIRE         -      brockhampton

tw      drug   mention

𝒊.  𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.

there   is   perhaps   no   more   a   formidable   surname   in   the   organized   crime   circuit   in   all   of   europe   than   greystone   ,   a   name   risen   to   fame   through   countless   court   cases   and   highly   publicized   trials   .   dubbed   ‘   el   chapo   of   the   old   world   ,   ‘   liam   greystone   makes   his   reputation   known   as   a   ruthless   and   conniving   leader   of   a   million   dollar   cartel   business   ,   distributing   to   most   of   the   UK   and   eastern   europe   .   it’s   perhaps   an   even   greater   shock   to   find   even   as   public   enemy   #1   ,   he   takes   a   welsh   wife   by   the   name   of   marissa   and   weds   her   in   a   lavish   and   very   public   ceremony   ,   surmounting   crowds   not   unlike   those   of   the   royal   weddings   .   such   a   decision   is   a   clear   power   move   on   his   part   ,   flexing   the   pure   influence   it   would   require   to   have   such   a   public   family   life   with   no   fear   of   repercussion   from   rivals   or   enemies   .   

it’s   several   months   following   their   wedding   that   james   is   born   ,   with   nicholas   taking   a   few   years   after   .   elite   prep   schools   in   the   most   posh   london   neighborhoods   were   abuzz   with   equal   parts   curiosity   and   concern   to   be   sharing   streets   with   the   most   feared   mafia   family   in   their   whole   country   ,   though   the   elite   nature   of   liam’s   new   societal   presence   meant   he   took   to   his   ‘   dealings   ‘   with   a   but   more   subtlety   than   before   his   rise   to   power   .   something   of   a   media   frenzy   ,   it’s   the   talk   of   the   town   when   marissa   falls   pregnant   another   time   ,   nearly   a   decade   after   nicholas’s   birth   ,   this   time   with   a   baby   girl   ,   something   that’s   all   the   sun   and   mirror   can   seem   to   post   about   in   their   celebrity   tabloids   section   for   weeks   on   end   .   her   birth   raises   questions   of   immense   speculation   :   what   will   the   world   do   with   a   greystone   girl   ?

as   it   would   result   ,   they’d   worship   her   .   stevie   found   herself   raised   in   a   world   that   sought   her   out   at   every   turn   ,   cameras   pointed   towards   her   at   every   outing   .   james   and   nick   ,   now   teens   by   the   time   she   enters   primary   and   just   as   big   of   terrors   as   their   father   ,   view   their   lavish   lifestyle   as   the   result   of   some   bigger   destiny   for   greatness   ,   as   their   father   had   always   fed   to   them   ,   something   they   passed   on   to   their   baby   sister   who   took   it   as   her   mantra   .   one   of   the   earliest   manifestations   of   a   rather   intense   personality   ,   stevie   takes   this   to   an   extreme   ,   turning   her   unwanted   stardom   into   a   fuel   for   an   ever-increasing   god   complex   to   develop   .   the   apple   of   her   father’s   eye   and   every   bit   as   quick   ,   her   instructors   note   a   dedication   to   perfection   and   an   obsession   with   accomplishment   ,   along   with   a   natural   intelligence   that   leads   her   to   blast   through   her   studies   with   relative   ease   .   

she’s   just   16   when   she   completes   her   schooling   and   already   has   a   reputation   that   will   precede   her   ,   just   as   her   surname   had   before   .   relaxed   and   observant   ,   her   voice   never   peaks   higher   than   a   low   alto   with   her   charming   londoner   drawl   ,   a   facade   never   cracking   from   her   knowing   poker   face   .   there’s   something   about   being   so   above   everyone   (   even   if   it   is   a   self-imposed   superiority   )   that   leads   stevie   all   but   to   the   brink   of   isolation   ,   finding   solace   only   in   the   words   of   a   self-deluded   father   and   her   own   scribings   in   a   leather   bound   notebook   .   piano   lessons   since   early   childhood   lend   themselves   to   melodies   following   melodies   ,   and   before   she’s   even   able   to   legally   drink   ,   she’s   released   her   first   album   under   the   moniker   ‘   grey   ’   titling   it   pure   heroine   as   a   cheeky   nod   to   the   inevitable   accusations   of   it   being   her   family   ties   that   got   her   a   record   deal   .   but   as   streams   of   the   melancholy   tunes   begin   to   pick   up   fans   worldwide   ,   the   album’s   themes   of   isolation   ,   abandonment   ,   and   wasted   youth   hit   harder   than   ever   anticipated   from   the   youngest   greystone   .   she   leaves   home   to   tour   the   world   with   the   album   reaching   #1   in   countless   countries   ,   forging   her   own   path   with   a   maturity   beyond   her   years   and   a   vision   beyond   this   world   .   

    the   tour   ends   and   she’s   smitten   by   the   charm   of   new   york   ,   opting   to   move   to   continue   to   pursue   her   music   away   from   the   tangled   complications   of   family   life   in   england   .   barely   18   and   perhaps   intoxicated   with   the   loneliness   of   a   life   spent   in   the   watching   eye   of   others   ,   the   semblance   of   privacy   is   something   she   takes   to   like   an   addict   ,   exasperating   prying   paparazzi   with   her   notorious   refusal   to   comment   on   details   of   her   personal   life   .   she   builds   a   wall   between   herself   and   the   world   ,   keeping   out   prying   eyes   with   a   tight   -   lipped   grin   .   its   at   this   time   that   she   lets   the   first   person   into   her   life   perhaps   ever   ,   a   whirlwind   romance   so   intoxicating   it   results   in   a   courthouse   marriage   done   in   secret   .   never   to   be   seen   together   ,   never   a   word   spoken   to   anyone   else   ,   stevie   relishes   in   the   secret   which   is   soon   to   sour   upon   the   passing   of   their   honeymoon   phase   .   with   her   brothers   expanding   their   reach   into   the   US   for   their   unsavory   dealings   ,   it’s   not   long   after   her   marriage   begins   that   the   conflicts   reach   a   breaking   point   ,   an   annulment   following   barely   6   months   after   they   had   traded   ‘   i   do’s   .   ’

she   takes   to   the   studio   with   a   new   resentment   of   the   concept   of   love   and   even   more   sequestered   heart   ,   producing   melodrama   which   takes   the   world   by   storm   ,   snagging   her   a   grammy   win   for   album   of   the   year   .   fatigued   from   the   constant   go-around   of   keeping   her   secrets   her   own   except   for   when   they’re   taken   to   radio   streams   ,   she   does   a   limited   tour   for   melodrama   and   lands   herself   right   back   in   new   york   at   20   ,   putting   grey3   on   the   backburner   as   she   takes   to   all   the   hedonistic   engagements   she   had   indulged   herself   in   during   her   time   on   tour   .   she’s   kept   herself   busy   between   mindless   flings   and   days-long   benders   with   hobbies   such   as   photography   and   writing   ,   the   former   of   which   is   building   her   a   rather   impressive   reputation   in   the   arts   world   .   

𝒊𝒊.  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 .

if   y’all   ain’t   tired   of   me   yet   god   bless   u   .   ..   .   bc   i   straight   up   b   tired   of   myself   :/

anyways   dis   is   stevie   ,   also   accepts   grey   the   same   way   ppl   talk   abt   lorde   n   switch   between   ella   n   lorde   !   she’s   not   picky   :~)

major   inspos   are   matty   healy   from   the   1975   n   hayley   kiyoko   if   she   was   less   of   a   try   hard   .   little   bit   of   kristen   stewart   in   there   ,   big   2016   ruby   rose   energy   n   brie   larson   top   me   tomfoolery   as   well   !   

basically   da   fuckboi   of   ur   dreams   ..      ..   .   lil   devilish   londoner   who   stays   thinkin   she’s   the   closest   thing   to   a   god   on   this   green   earth   !

notably   ,   she’s   incredibly   intelligent   and   profound   ,   tends   to   take   on   a   rather   patronizing   and   condescending   tone   bc   she   straight   up   b   thinkin   she’s   usually   the   smartest   person   in   the   room   (   how   annoying   )

so   laid   back   n   observant   ,   rlly   has   no   need   to   raise   her   voice   ever   bc   her   arguments   b   runnin   circles   around   ppl   !   imagine   the   way   harry   styles   talks   low   n   slow   n   calculated.   .   .   .   .   cameron   from   love   is   blind   ,.   ..   .      kristen   stewart   lowkey   sometimes   ..   ..   ..   das   grey   .    sexy   ass   alto   monotone  🤤🤤

i   dont   wanna   use   chaotic   bc   she   rlly   isnt   the   WILDEST   bitch   but   that   god   complex   means   she   deadass   thinks   she   can   get   away   w   what   she   wants   n   she   usually   does   ?   less   of   a   chaotic   evil   n   more   like   a   neutral   evil   lmao   she   can   follow   rules   just   fine   she   jsut   prefers   whatever   suits   her   better

on   that   note   —   OBSCENELY   self   obsessed   .   follows   her   own   natural   whims   n   impulses   bc   that’s   just   what   appeals   to   her   .   is   inclined   to   follow   rules   if   she   calculates   itll   work   in   her   favor   bc   she   also   doesn’t   like   to   look   sloppy   !

super   secretive   and   OBSESSED   w   her   presentation   .   every   movement   is   calculated   n   she   doesnt   want   anyone   seeing   a   side   of   her   that   she   hasn’t   designated   for   them   !   she   doesn’t   care   what   other   ppl   think   but   she   DOES   care   abt   what   she   sees   herself   doing   n   her   vision   .   doesnt   fit   the   vision   ?   will   NOT   happen   in   her   book   .

straight   up   a   WHORRE   lmao   she   likes   2   fill   the   void   left   by   a   lack   of   human   connection   w   sexual   intimacy   n   then   is   like   nice   imma   have   u   leave   now   love   LMAO   .   does   not   discriminate   and   is   rlly   inclined   to   follow   any   sexual   impulse

this   was   implied   but   her   relationships   are   super   messy   ?   does   the   leonardo   dicaprio   thing   where   she   will   never   fuckin   discuss   her   love   life   in   interviews   or   anything   so   ppl   just   gotta   SPECULATE   .   she   lets   ppl   post   all   they   want   abt   her   but   she   wont   say   a   WORD   abt   them   JWHEKJWH   her   socials   r   basically   just   abt   her   n   her   music   we   said   SELFISH   lads   .   she’s   bad   @   bein   tied   down   n   is   probs   polyamorous   as   it   stands   but   im   p   sure   she   has   cheated   on   every   single   person   she   has   ever   been   with   lmao

lowkey   a   shit   friend   most   of   the   time   lMAO   she   can   b   really   unreliable   bc   u   guys   can   have   plans   n   then   she   takes   someone   home   n   misses   yalls   plans   n   then   texts   u   4   hours   later   after   all   ur   missed   calls   n   is   like   my   bad   bruv   i   got   tied   up   AS   IF   THAT   FIXES   IT   KWEJKWJEKWE

chain   smoker   n   its   nastie   but   lowkey   sexy   somehow   :/  ,   will   ONLY   wear   outfits   that   r   equal   parts   thrifted   n   designer   ,   always   has   her   hands   in   her   pockets   n   if   her   jacket   has   a   hood   its   UP   like   a   big   ole   homo   ,   is   rlly   annoying   bc   shes   good   looking   n   KNOWS   it   so   she   uses   it   to   her   advantage   ,   wants   2   get   her   motorcycle   license   ,   judges   u   based   off   the   music   u   play   in   the   car   ,   judges   u   on   everything   tbh.