#and she can't believe that. so she won't.

[onbearfeet]

You are not immune to the American cultural impulse to find a woman to blame. (Or a POC to monsterize, but that's another discussion.)

Let's be honest: a not insignificant reason why the last three presidential elections went the way they did for the Democrats is that a lot of supposedly centrist and left-leaning Americans will vote for literally anyone other than a woman, and most of them won't admit it. The number of times I heard, "I want a woman president, but does it have to be HER?" both times is ridiculous. And don't try that "but her emails"/"but Gaza" shit--we all knew Joe Biden was a career politician who sucked at technology and was in bed with all the usual political suspects, and anyone who cared about Gaza in 2020 was perfectly free to look up his long public record on the subject. But he had a dick, so you didn't need to find excuses not to vote for him, so none of that mattered, did it?

When right-wing shitheads complain that the Democrats are "too far left" or "out of control", it's not Bernie Sanders they go after; it's AOC and Elizabeth Warren. When Gamergate recruited a generation of angry young men to fascism, they did it by whining about women touching their precious video games. Republicans took over the US government with a movement they built on 50 years of promises to remove women's bodily autonomy. It's an old play from an even older playbook: when the crops fail, find a witch and burn her.

So yeah. The impulse to blame and mock the "resistlib winemom" is strong and impossible to ignore because she's a woman and she's there and she's fucking annoying in the way that all women mysteriously are and no I TOTALLY believe there isn't a pattern there, bro.

But you don't have to give in to that impulse.

Jen from admin didn't get you into this shit; the white women who voted for Trump aren't the ones yelling at their reps right now, or if they are, they're not yelling on your side. Jen didn't want this any more than you did, and she's using her privilege to do shit you can't.

SO LET HER.

You no longer have the luxury of caring about cringe. You can't afford to shit-talk Jen for wearing comfortable shoes or carrying a Stanley cup or giving her kids stupid names. You are in a fucking foxhole with Jen, and she's pointing her rifle at the fuckers trying to kill you both. The fact that it has a glittery "a woman's place is in the resistance" sticker on the stock is not important.

Jen is on your side. Jen wants 98% of what you want, and lacks the background knowledge to form an opinion on the rest. Jen is a powerful asset, and all you have to do to benefit from that is get out of her fucking way and deal with your mommy issues on your own time.

To quote a damn good Jen:

We are not in the business of burning witches. That's for police stations and Tesla dealerships, remember?

this is almost certainly not a novel take but

i do wonder how much of the derisive language you hear toward "resistlib winemoms" or whatever is just "people who grew up in Safely Blue Coastal Enclaves rebelling against ppl who remind them of their mom b/c they are emotionally stunted adults"

like, as A Child Of A Very Conservative Area, i have a very vivid recollection of the first time i encountered this type of person, and my reaction was mostly baffled delight. wait you're telling me this PTA mom with unassailable Wholesome Americana credentials is gassing up the cause of trans rights at her book club. you're telling me she's batting her eyelashes and "think of the children"-ing, except instead of doing that to promote some obnoxious "ban this book from the school curriculum" agenda, she's shaming her state representative into actually funding the damn schools? i do not care how cringe her UV-bleached "i'm with her" bumper sticker is or whatever, she is working extremely hard & successfully on shit i care about and i will brook no slander against her

[clarkeybabey]

❝ she's insane, she wrote a song about me ❞ # pairings; exbf!chrismd x singer/songwriter!reader x lando norris # note; I started this in decemeber, and I genuinely have no clue what it is.social media!au

lottiejane

liked by mollymae and 12,925 others lottiejane i <3 estonia tagged chrismd10

chrismd10 lets go back ⤹ lottiejane yes please

georgeclarkeey bring my boyfriend back please ⤹ lottiejane keep dreamingggg

willne chris has found someone shorter than him ⤹ chrismd10 watch it, william

comments on this post have been limited

yourinstagram Crybaby, SZA (with y/n y/l/n)

liked by wroetoshaw, ksi, and 927,651 others yourinstagram tours over, but I have been writing tons sooo, 'thats so true' and 'sharpest tool' out 2nite!!! tagged italianbach, georgeclarkeey, arthurtv, wroetoshaw, behzingagram, and zerkaa

arthurnfhill didnt make it in the photodump 💔 ⤹ bambinobecky makes two of us, mate 😔

ynfan101 we will be streaming ⤹ yourinstagram i love you🥲

behzingagram always getting my best angles 😮‍💨 ⤹ yourinstagram you're welcome

mdxix why does she always do stuff with chris' friends? ⤹ yourinstagram believe it or not she met some of them before chris did

yourbestie a certain someone has no idea whats about to hit them ⤹ yourinstagram no comment🫤

arthurtv Send me that third slide, it's going on our Christmas card ⤹ georgeclarkeey worst part about this is he's not joking. ⤹ yourinstagram i better get one ⤹ italianbach bold of you to assume you won't be on it🤨

verstappentv so an ep IS in the works?!?!?!?! ⤹ yourinstagram possibly🤷 ⤹ ynfan35 doing cartwheels as we speak

theuselesshotlinepod sharpest tool, y/n y/l/n

liked by chrismd10 and 78,625 others theuselesshotlinepod This week we have UK royalty in! Musician and Max's wife, y/n y/l/n, discusses breakups, new music, and famous celeb encounters. tagged georgeclarkeey, max_baledge, and yourinstagram

yourinstagram thank you for having me!!! ⤹ clarkevision let's discuss those song lyrics 😊 ⤹yourinstagram non parlo inglese ⤹ max_balegde bilingual queeeennnn

georgeclarkeey dont miss it! she might drag your fav! ⤹ yourinstagram d1 shit stirrer.

somehatingfreak bro why is she with his friends ⤹ yournamessharptool lol she went to primary school w/ max, weirdo

arthurnfill went platinum in my house ⤹ farahsferrari how did Christopher md feel about that?!?!?

thatsthatmeespresso "i've been played by many short kings." Y/N Y/L/N, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS ⤹ arthurtv she cooked i fear ⤹ thatsthatmeespresso ariana, what are you doing here😭

icedcoffeehill so chris and y/n have been broken up for over a year? ⤹ sainzleclerc and she has been on dates recently!!!!!!!!!!!! new love songs incoming

yourinstagram feather, y/n y/l/n

liked by madisonbeer, lando, and 1,345,236 others yourinstagram album release party went crazayyyy tagged livvydimartino, italianbach, arthurfnhill, lando, behzingagram, and faithlouisak

mrs_piastri i see you lando norris

faithlouisak no party like a y/n party ⤹ yourinstagram iktr mama!!!

footybro can the album release party score a free kick at Wembley ? ⤹ yourinstagram no, but I know a guy

willne OI I KNOW THAT FELLA!!!!!!!!! ⤹ yourinstagram he says i can be in a quadrant video ⤹ arthurtv get me in too, will you?

ynclarketv losing my shit what did her and lando sing ⤹ yourinstgram kiss you, one direction ⤹ ynclarketv AHHHHHHHH

lando Thank you for having me.❤ ⤹ yourinstagram you type like my nan xx

mclarenupdates

liked by oscarpiastri and 4,684 others mclarenupdates Singer-songwriter Y/N Y/L/N was photographed on the paddock this morning wearing a familiar number and minutes ago was spotted leaving with Norris! 👀

mclarenupdates yes im losing my shit rn.

norrisweetabix i know ginge is sobbing somewhere ⤹ angryginge13 can't believe I've found out like this

sdmnxix chrismd fumble recovered by lando norris is a madness ⤹ ynjzl no way he sold like this.

georgeclarkeey is lando better than most Premier League free-kick takers? ⤹ theburntchip he's literally lando norris? ⤹ hoetoshaw MY SHAYLAS

yourinstagram and lando

liked by f1, taliamar, and 2,395,035 others yourinstagram hard launch, i guess

comments are off.

[violentdeliiights]

admiring

i haven't written properly in so long and i fully blame uni and my silly sad little brain but i'm back! hopefully won't be such a massive break next time!!

this is fully just drabble to be honest- nothing really happens it's just pure fluff but i was watching austin powers for the millionth time and the fembots' night dresses gave me a vision

cw: female reader, slight misogyny at the start??, simon likes to stare but so does reader, just fluff

word count: <1k

Simon had never been one to bother with looks.

His mother had raised him to view women as more than their outward appearance. He couldn’t stand hearing boys in school reducing their girlfriends to mere sexual objects, or ranking girls in their year based on their tits. 

It made him irrationally angry when he was on base and would overhear recruits talking so crudely about their own wives and girlfriends.

Even when he was asked what his ‘type’ was, his answer was always, “s’Long as she’s a good’en I’m not fussed.” His partners were his- what right did anyone else have to make comments about their appearance? He’d always thought his partners were gorgeous, but he didn’t have specific demands or things he was attracted to.

Looks would fade, the number of the scales would vary, but a good heart would remain always.

However, he can't help but think every time he looks at you that he truly hit the jackpot. Your face fits perfectly in the cradle of his palm, his arms wrap warmly around your waist, your legs entwine snugly with his under bedsheets, his chin slots just right in the space between your ear and your shoulder. 

Most importantly, your heart has a glow that he’s pretty sure he can see every time he looks at you. He’s never met a person so good. Someone that just…gets him. You are his person through and through.

His favourite hobby when he comes back from deployments is to simply just observe you. Honestly, he’s not even bothered if you find it creepy. He just loves to admire you. Can’t believe he got so lucky- a big, belligerent brute like him with such a perfect lass? 

You’re partial to those flouncy, vintage nightdresses- the ones that kind of remind him of the Austin Powers girls he used to fancy as a young lad. Since you got together, he’s bought you countless of them; he adores how you look in them and how feminine and confident they make you feel.

Sat against the headboard with your kitten, Toast, napping on his broad chest is how he finds himself most evenings, watching you through the mirror of your vanity. He knows your routine like the back of his hand at this point; after a shower you make yourself a sleepy time tea, wash your face, and then sit at your vanity to put your rollers in and do your night time skincare. It’s the same routine you’ve had since the very beginning of your relationship, and so a couple weeks in, Simon knew he had to get you your own vanity at his place- the same one you now sit at in your shared flat every night.

Even when you’re going out with friends or putting makeup on for a date night, he loves to just come and admire you. Admittedly, he still doesn’t understand the daily torture of that eyelash curler fucker but he knows better than to question anything you do.

His greatest miss when he’s away on deployment are- other than your presence in itself- those moments every night when he can just sit in your silent company and admire. 

You’d only questioned him once, back when you’d first got together before anything was even official; “Everything okay?” you’d asked amusedly through the mirror, feeling Simon’s eyes burning holes through your face.

“Just like lookin’ at you, birdie.” His stare never faltered, and his tone was so matter of fact that a blush bloomed across your freshly moisturised skin.

After that, it was just an unspoken thing. Even when you weren’t at your vanity- on the couch watching a film together, bustling about the kitchen for your keys when you’re late for work, strolling through the little park just behind your flat, sitting across from him at the dinner table.

Part of it comes from the military background of course- if he can see you at all times, nothing can happen to you. 

Unknowingly, Simon isn’t the only one who loves to stare.

Most of the time, he’s fast asleep by the time his head hits the pillow and you’ve always been a night owl, preferring to stay up late with a cup of tea and a book. Therefore, there are a few hours each night where Simon is dead to the world, Toast curled into the crook of his neck, and cuddled so innocently into the soft downy duvet you insisted on that you can use to simply admire.

His scarred cheek fits so perfectly in the cradle of your palm, his arm winds just right around your waist so that he can be near you even when unconscious, his legs slip snugly around yours under the sheets. His heart shines, even when you know he doesn’t think very good of himself, plagued by his past. But you know he’s a good man. Your Simon. Your person.

He was so reserved when you first met. Cards kept so close to his chest- the mask he never took off even on the first date. It makes you admire him even more when considering how far you’ve come. How much he’s grown as a person. How good you are for each other. 

The scars never bothered you. The tattoos covering decades of battle wounds only made you want to open him up. The way his nose was permanently crooked, his hearing damaged from years of living in warzones, his lips scarred and showing teeth when he wasn’t smiling. None of it mattered to you. He was a good man, and his heart was the most noble thing about him.

[halliejaade]

Edelweiss (Chapter 7)

A child runs barefoot through the woods, twigs and stones tearing into her feet. But her body keeps her adrenaline up, keeps her from feeling the pain.

Ashes coat her chilled cheeks, remnants of what once was clinging to the only innocence left over.

Child, the voice within speaks softly.

It catches her off guard, her feet tripping over each other as she loses balance. She curls in on herself, tucking her knees to her chest as the chill settles into her wet nightgown. "Stop," She whispers.

Everything is so loud. An owl hooting in the distance sounds like an asteroid hitting its mark. It's so bright, the moon creating a spotlight on her. The cold feels unbearable.

"Stop," She places her palms against her ears, rocking back and forth to create some semblance of warmth.

You must get up, the voice says.

"I want my mom," The little girl whimpers.

A twig snaps in the distance. It's yards away, but she hears it as though it's right behind her.

He's coming. You need to get up!

"Stop!" The girl screams. "Make it stop!"

A man, more shadow than anything, appears in the moonlight. In his right hand, a syringe mocks the child like a bad omen. "I'm going to help you."

Don't trust a word he says.

"Who," She shudders, teeth chattering so hard she can hardly finish her sentence. "Who are you?"

The man smiles softly, but it doesn't erase the anger, the hurt, from his eyes. "I'm a friend of your parents."

The little girl doesn't look convinced, looks as though she might take off at any second. Yes, she's little, much smaller than the man, but she's quick. Not on her own, no doubt.

It's a risk, but one that he will take if it means she'll trust him. She won't remember any of this, anyway.

"I'm a doctor," The man gets down to her level.

He places a hand on his chest, "You're hurt aren't you?"

She nods. Maybe not physically, but mentally, she's hurt beyond repair.

"Y/n," The man says softly. "I'm Doctor Sterns, and I am going to help you."

---

"Suppressants?"

You were well versed enough in medicine to know that there were two types of suppressants within medicine: the kind to stop coughs, and the kind to stop your immune system from attacking healthy cells.

Doctor Aoki adjusts her glasses, a nervous sort of habit that you picked up on just from the handful of times that you've been in her presence. "As I stated before, things have changed drastically even within the past twenty or so years. There are things that exist that are uncomprehensible."

You wait, half-patient, half-prepared to start screaming if she waited any longer to just tell you what was wrong.

"Not only did your MRI show signs of surgery done to your temporal lobe, it also showed that your nervous system is unlike any other I've ever seen. Think of your central nervous system as a tree; typically, there are branches that connect your brain to your sensory organs. Yours, however, are extra prominent."

You shake your head, not understanding what this means or how it could possibly give you any answers. "Okay, and that means...?"

"Is there a history of abilities in your family?"

"Abilities?"

"Y/n, you have a power that has been put into a dormant state. This medication you've been taking is suppressing it, it's keeping this power from truly awakening. Those headaches you've been experiencing, they're from your power trying to awaken itself."

No.

Your parents wouldn't lie to you like that. They wouldn't dare.

They might not be the most present, might not be the most caring, but they wouldn't have done this to you.

Right?

Doctor Aoki plows on, as though a dam has broken, and she's the impending flood. "I can't be completely certain, as we haven't done enough testing, but those dreams you're having are more than likely memories that are resurfacing. Our brains can do incredible things, and although someone tried to tamper with them, I believe that they were safely stored away with your power all along."

Laughter, incredulous and unbelieving escapes your lips. "This is ridiculous. I remember things from my childhood. How do you explain that, huh?"

"If someone was able to develop medicine to keep your power at bay, they could have developed something to alter your memories, too."

No.

No.

"You must've been around ten or eleven when this-"

That would've been before you moved to Miami.

You think of your old house, the one where you had made so many fond memories. You think of your friends, of the school you had attended, and then you think of your parents, and how absolutely loving and caring...

No!

The metal chair you'd been sitting in clatters to the floor as you stand abruptly. "You're full of shit. Quit putting stuff in my head."

You snatch the bottle of pills off of the counter, before you storm out, an unfamiliar fear settling into your chest.

How ridiculous. She was a doctor hoping for a once in a lifetime case that she could brag about. Well, that wouldn't be you. She could find some other idiot for that.

The fear ebbs as you pull your phone out, and call the one person that you know will calm you down.

"Boots!" Joaquín greets.

Sunshine parts the clouds, and although that would normally ease the negative feelings, it doesn't seem to clear away the raincloud completely.

"Hello?"

He's concerned.

You sniffle, unsure of when you'd started crying. "Hi."

"What's going on?" His voice sounds like a warm blanket, like your favorite song playing unexpectedly on the radio.

"Joaquín," You cry, your heart feeling as though it might stop beating. "We need to talk."

But what is he going to do? How is telling him any of this going to help?

"Rain boots," He says softly, "Talk to me."

You glance at the bottle of pills.

It would only complicate things more to bring him into this, right? He has his own problems, his own things that he needs to bear. You sniffle once more and take a deep breath. "Sorry, I've just had a really rough day. All of this testing has been getting to me."

"Is everything turning out okay?"

You hate lying. You really do.

"Yeah," Your voice wobbles. "Everything is going to be just fine."

The relief that fills his voice makes you want to cry, even more so when he shares his good news. You want so badly for this to be a happy moment; you want so badly to not have to pretend to be okay.

You glance to the sky, where the sun finally sets. And then to the moon.

Funny, it's a new moon.

New moon, new you.

You briefly wonder if things had been different, if this conversation could have gone down a different path. If you could have joined Joaquín as his sidekick, if you could have joined him as a hero. You wonder if you wouldn't have had to lie to him.

The main thing that you knew you had to do, was get answers.

You'd have to do it discreetly, but you'd find a way.

"I didn't realize how late it was!" Joaquín suddenly exclaims. "I have to be up super early in the morning, so I'm going to head to bed now."

"Alright," You reply quietly.

"Are you sure everything is okay?"

"Of course it is," You lie. "I'm just super tired!"

You could feel that fear rising again, every time you thought of what the doctor was implying.

"Okay," He hums. "Hey, boots?"

"Yeah?"

"You're my best friend."

You parents wouldn't have lied. They couldn't have.

"You're mine."

Static meets your ears as he hangs up.

You take a deep breath, trying your best to stamp down that weariness.

But as you would come to realize, repressed fear eventually turns to anger.

And the world wouldn't ever be prepared for that.

[discourselover3000]

To address points 1-3, we simply need to break down your definition of sex. I see you use a chromosomal definition of sex. Which, yeah, is one of the few definitions of sex which is not changeable with medical intervention. It's also a definition of sex which is only determinable with some kind of medical testing. Most women who are afab have XX chromosomes, and most men who are amab have XY. There are many different intersex chromosomal variations, such as X, XXY, XXX, XY with CAIS or swyer syndrome. Some of these are observable at birth. Others don't cause noticeable differences until puberty, or potentially even older.

You can say "this toilet is for XX chromosomes, that one is for XY". But first, that won't cover everyone. And second, do YOU know what sex chromosomes you have? Have you ever had that tested? Sure, you can make an educated guess. But you can't know for definite unless you do a genetic test. Chromosomal variations are rare, yeah. But so are trans people.

For conditions like swyer syndrome and AIS, an individual can be born with XY chrimosomes presenting as a typical female, and may have absolutely no idea they have XY chromosomes until puberty. Maybe even later if no one picks up on them not having a period. Is it really fair to force a girl who just found out she's intersex to use the men's toilet now because she's got a Y chromosome? Is that really safer for her?

Anyway, moving onto point 4, I didn't think I'd have to spell this out this clearly but here we go. The comic shows a person, implied to be trans by their pride flag colouration, minding their own business on the toilet. A red character then forces their way under the stall and says "why do you insist on invading the privacy of women" then leaves. The "privacy of women" implies that this is happening in a women's bathroom. There is nothing about this comic that implies the gender of either character involved. Here are a few scenarios it could be depicting:

1. A trans woman goes into a women's bathroom for a shit. A cis woman sees her go in and confronts her by shoving her head under the stall.

2. A trans man goes into the women's bathroom for a shit (the correct bathroom for him by your logic). A cis woman sees him go in, assumes he is a cis man or trans woman, and confronts him by shoving her head under the stall.

3. A trans woman goes into the women's bathroom for a shit. A man sees her go into the women's bathroom and follows her in to confront her by shoving his head under the stall.

4. A trans man goes into the women's toilet for a shit (again, correct bathroom for him by your logic). A man sees him go into the women's bathroom and follows him. He then confronts the trans man by shoving his head under the stall.

Is this enough to demonstrate how the comic does not mention trans women anywhere and is not necessarily about trans women, or do you need me to draw you a picture?

I'll address point 5 and 6 together, since they're mostly just about how you view trans women. The main point being, if a trans woman walks into a bathroom, does her business, then walks out, how is that a problem? How is that an invasion of anyone's privacy? Like you did with the maintenance guy, if you're that uncomfortable sharing a space with a trans woman (or any woman you believe to be trans), you can simply wait for her to finish before going in. Same as if a mother has to bring her son in and you think he's old enough to not need that. Same as if there's a cleaner in there and they haven't closed the entire toilet (which can happen in some places. Especially if it's one stall that's just a biohazard)

It's telling that you specifically mentioned the procedures you could go through if a maintenance man assaulted you, and put that on the same level as a trans woman simply existing in the women's toilet. If a trans woman assaulted you in the bathroom, that would be bad. And you'd be able to go through the same process as you'd go through if a cis woman assaulted you in the bathroom. Or if a cis man just waltzed into the bathroom and assaulted you. Or a trans man assaulted you in the bathroom. The legal procedures here are pretty much identical either way.

Ultimately, this whole argument boils down to stranger danger. Which is seriously overstated. Women are in the most danger from men they know personally, followed by women they know personally. You're more likely to be hurt by a woman in your life than you are by a random man in the street. You're definitely more likely to be hurt by a woman in your life than a random trans woman in the bathroom. You're probably more likely to be hurt by a woman in your life than you are to even run into a trans woman in the bathroom. If you're comfortable with the risk of having friends, there's no reason to be uncomfortable with the risk of pissing in the same room as a trans woman.

[11queensupreme11]

QUEEEN CAN WE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ON MY HANDS AND KNEES BEGGING FOR YOU TO TELL US ABT PERCY AND HADES KIDS 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Im so curious abt them and especially who’s got the hots for their mommy 🩷😗🩷

😛

I GOT ONE MORE DESCRIPTION IN ME 😩

theromedes! fifth percades child!

his name means "the wise beast-warrior" so yes this is the kid named after anthonius! which makes my next fact even funnier: he is the incest freak who has the hots for his mother 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

however!!! he is a very soft yan!

similarly to hades, he's very likable and well-respected. he's dependable, kind, gentlemanly, and chivalrous. he's soft-spoken too with small, gentle smiles and tender touches 💖 if you were to ever meet this man, your first thought is gonna be "holy shit, he's a Prince Charming come to life! 😍😍😍" he's a true ✨disney prince✨ tbh

because his mother loves humans and hades is pretty indifferent to them, theromedes' kindness extends to humans as well so just like percy, he's well-liked by gods AND humans 💖

just a sweet puppy boy really (got percy's puppy energy but he's more mellow about it lol). you would NEVER think there was anything wrong with this guy, but like i said, he's an incest freak and a soft yan 😂

he feels very guilty about his feelings for his mother. not because he believes incest is bad, but because she's already TAKEN, and by his father. he loves and respects his father and he loves and respects his mother, so he knows he shouldn't be feeling like this 🥺 but he just can't help it 🥺💔 he just loves his mother so much that it blossomed into more

he wonders if his mother were to forgive him if she knew of these impure thoughts... if his mother were to hate him if he knew how badly he wanted to kiss her.... how badly he wants to make sweet love to her.... and he wonders if his father were to forgive him if he knew of any of this too 💔💔💔

he just feels so dirty and ashamed of himself so this poor boy suppresses and suppresses these feelings for as long as he can 🥺💔 but he's like a lovesick puppy, staring forlornly at his oblivious mother and just YEARNING for her 🥺💔💔💔💔

eventually he won't be able to take it anymore... eventually he'll start to be a little more daring... a good morning kiss to his mother that lingers a little too close to her lips... a tight hug that lasts a little longer than usual with his hands wandering.... maybe he sneaks into her bedroom to steal her clothes so he can jerk off to it 🥺💔💔💔

he feels so bad about it tho, but as long as no one knows, then it's fine right? surely he's strong enough to hold himself back from going too far 🥺💔💔💔

[mangofanarts]

Thinking about the way that tr!Bad cares. It's hard for people to believe that he's capable of caring. Especially towards another person based on how he acts and treats others, even those that are in his faction. Bad can care for another, but he doesn't care in the way that you would expect a normal person to care, it's difficult to define. When he cares, it's to an extent. His care feels distant, like when he jokes about eating Pangi to Foolish when Foolish brought up how Pangi was gone because of Bad. When Bad says something like that, as an outsider - it's hard to tell that Bad cares about Pangi or values him as a member. But, we know that Bad does care to Pangi to a certain extent, because earlier on in that same day, he had asked for Pangi back towards a keeper. He made a speech about how he valued Pangi as a member, how he was with him since day one. When Bad had the option to shoot Pangi in a joking manner as he was shooting others as a fun prank such as Aimsey at the dock, he didn't. Does this mean Bad's going to put Pangi first before himself or his mission? No, it doesn't. Does it mean that Bad's suddenly going to be completely honest with Pangi with everything he does? No, it doesn't. Bad will always place his prioritizes first. The certain extent of care he has for Pangi through their friendship is not going to change that aspect of him. Bad constantly has this mask on, where you can't tell if he's lying or being honest with you, if he's being sincere or manipulating you. He's not an easy person to get along with, nor to understand. So, of course, his way of caring is also not easy to understand. How can you care for someone but not place them above your goal in that same care? How can you lie to that person for fun, trying to make them fight others while you care about them? How are you willing to give information to the other side about that person in ways to kill them if you do care? There's a disconnection. When he does things like that, it feels like he doesn't care about Pangi because you wouldn't do those things towards someone you care about. It's a part of Bad's personality. But, then you can tell that Bad has to care, at least somewhat, because he's willing to warn Pangi about Ros having a trap for him, he told Pangi that if he wanted to backtrack on the war then Bad would stand by him, Bad mentions how he trusts Pangi more than Tubbo. Bad cares to an extent, and again, that extent doesn't match to a regular person's standard of normally caring for another being. He is immortal, after all. At the same time, despite all his actions and words, he's lonely. He felt grief when the original Pili had passed away. He expressed to Pili 2 that he would be very upset if Pangi had died to his corruption. He felt anger when Foolish killed Chip's pets. He felt surprised when Pangi confided in him that he took all of yellow's honey, and then praised him for it. He listened to Ros and offered her advice when she tells him how she feels like she's not being heard. Bad has emotions underneath it all. He can care, but the care that he has is always going to appear strange. His care is going to be at a limit. It's not his full care. The extent of care he has doesn't express itself in the same way that Ros does towards Aimsey, or how the original Pili showed it to Pangi. But, It doesn't mean his care is non-existent, it's easy to miss, especially with his personality. His extent of care is a bit of something, he'll give you better armor, and he'll listen to you when you need someone to hear you. But, don't expect him to do things that are out of his personality, it won't prevent him from needing to battle you if you do decide to go against his goal in the long run.

[butterflydm]

Wheel of Time 3x01 Deep Dive (show spoilers only)

I've done my rewatch of the episode and so I'm going to be posting two sets of thoughts on it in more depth -- one with only show spoilers and then another one that has any thoughts that included spoilers beyond the show. This one will contain spoilers through 3x03.

I already broke down the first eleven minutes in a previous post, so I'll skim over those bits.

Okay, given that we know that Ryma has returned to the Tower (3x02), I now believe that Ryma was the one who smuggled Nynaeve into the Tower to talk to Siuan. She would also report on the deaths of her Green Sisters and Maigan at the hands of the Seanchan and can give Siuan a personal account of how the Seanchan operate, how the Searchers & sul'dam work and etc. I feel like we can just take it as a given that she wouldn't withhold any useful information from the Amyrlin.

Please look at Maksim's sad puppy eyes when Alanna is telling him he & Ihvon can't go into the Hall to help protect her. Maksim also correctly called that some of the Sitters would be BA. Love Maksim & Ihvon's quick handclasp of support.

Leane was really affected by hearing the truth about the Black Ajah from Siuan. How brutal she gets during the fight. I also find it interesting that Leane wears black & blue while Liandrin wears red & black, and I think they both get thier faces covered in blood by the end. Is she the Liandrin to Siuan's Lanfear in this equation, getting her hands bloody for the one she follows?

Alanna cannot hide how smug she is about the consequences she thinks Liandrin is about to face.

All this information that Liandrin shares here will be remembered by the Sitters in the future, and some of them may realize that Siuan never denied the charges. She deflected by calling Liandrin out as a Darkfriend.

Seeing Nynaeve is the only thing we see shake Liandrin in this scene.

Tsutama sees here how deeply the Amrylin Seat does not trust the Red Ajah, when she realizes why they were shut out of this meeting - that the Amyrlin suspects the Reds of harboring Darkfriends. And in 3x03, we learn that her reaction to this was going to be working hard to regain the Reds' standing in the Tower. She wanted to do things the right way.

Verin is able to stop the weave that Nyomi sends at her but we see her notice Adelas's reaction to the weave and respond appropriately, falling too. Quick reflexes.

The two unnamed Black Ajah Sisters that joined Liandrin's escape are killed by Maksim & Ihvon and I feel like the fight choreography did a good job in showing why their method was effective. Alanna creates a blast to distract and disorient, then they rushed into melee so that they can get to the AS before they have time to weave. Won't work against the Forsaken (or Rand) but works against most Sisters, who need time to create weaves.

I'm guessing that Liandrin is in charge because she's the one who had the orders direct from Lanfear (and any Lanfear-related theories about this season need to take into account that she's the author of this plan, which included stealing (part of) an item that can be used to cage and control the Dragon. Her insurance policy if she can't convince Rand to be hers, imo. And we know she's aware of how traumatic that would be for Rand because she is currently traumatizing Egwene with exactly those kinds of memories). And I think that none of the Black Ajah targeting Nynaeve during the fight also speaks to this being one of Lanfear's plans -- she does seem to agree with Ishy that it's better to keep the five ta'veren alive and turn than to kill them (unlike Moghedien, who sends the Gray Man after the ta'veren later in the episode).

So curious about what Liandrin (or maybe Lanfear) wanted with Siuan. Another lever against Moiraine would make sense as a motive, but I just wonder about the actual ways Siuan would have been used as a lever.

Siuan & Moiraine getting this big moment here, with Moiraine saving Siuan, feels like it's likely to echo in the future but I don't know if that's in a good way or bad. Hmm. I'm gonna think about that.

It's a beautiful moment.

So Lan in this episode is genuinely torn between his loyalties to Moiraine and Nynaeve. And we see him alternate between those loyalties throughout - here, instead of being at Moiraine's side to protect her, he's prioritized finding Nynaeve (just as Moiraine went to find Siuan).

First scene with the kids together, which helps set the tone of the season! Egwene is forceful and protective, while Nynaeve is hesitant.

"Safe's not possible anymore," Rand says and he should know. He's not even safe in his dreams- Lanfear is always watching.

Mat's first line this season is on the Old Tongue. I believe he says "Manshima sain inde manshima" (we're told it means "the sword that is not a sword, which tracks). Rand has no safety and Mat is lost in the memories of his previous lives.

And Perrin wants to go to where they don't have to deal with Prophecies or the Dragon. It's all set up in this conversation here, how they end up splitting by the end.

The majority of the people in this scene do not listen to Moiraine's 'advice' and, honey, at a certain point, you have to look at yourself and ask why no one listens to you. Why does your pitch of what they should do fall flat? How can you improve your approach so that people are more inclined to take your advice?

Just look at their faces! Even Loial complains about her plan!

When Moiraine is talking about not wanting any of them near another Aes Sedai, Mat looks across the open stairway to where Rand is standing. Only Cauthor crumbs this episode, no full meals, but I will not miss a single one lol

Another fun group dynamic is how Bain & Chiad are clearly enjoying Loial's company the most.

Mat finds a way to get both Rand and Perrin to smile by inviting them out with him (and the Maidens follow). We do hear here from Mat that he's been flirting with "the Aiel girls" for the past month on the boat.

Bain & Chiad react & have a brief handtalk chat when Aviendha mentions Rhuidean - I wonder if she wasn't supposed to.

"You are a wetlander, through and through." Aviendha. Honey. I love you. But what did you think "he will be of the blood but not raised by the blood" would mean? Of course he has no feeling for your people- you three are the first Aiel he's ever met and you won't tell him anything.

Aviendha and Moiraine are both bouncing off of Rand because they're treating him like they are obviously correct about everything and he's being a fool by not listening (we will have the big contrast of Elayne later on). Rand does not respond well to this style of "advice", regardless of who gives it to him.

"When Rand and I are together, it's like we're back home and nothing's changed." Oh honey. That's the denial. If you keep trying to re-live the past, you are making it impossible for you to grow together. Because you both are different now than you were back home (also, I wonder if Rand would agree with her assessment, since it was "back home" Egwene who broke things off with him in 1x01 and it's "traumatized Egwene" who wants to find safety in their relationship, which we also saw her doing in 1x02 when she wanted to cuddle on the road).

I like how much we can see the trauma of the past year affecting the kids, even if Rand & Egwene clinging to each other isn't my favorite example of it.

Nynaeve and Elayne reach out to comfort Egwene here, as she talks about Renna.

Rand and Perrin (but especially Rand's) and their fond exasperation over Mat in this scene. Mat touches Rand & Perrin on the shoulders as they sit down for their own gossip session.

Mat was also the one who was feeling out Rand about his relationship status with Egwene back in 1x01, iirc, and he tries to get the temperature of their relationship here too.

"Suddenly all back on, is it?" "We haven't really talked about it."

Rand and Egwene have been avoiding talking about the state of their relationship.

Perrin notes that it's been a month (long time to avoid a conversation) and Mat notes Rand's lack of relationship experience ("never even kissed another girl"), which is a reminder to the audience of how inexperienced Rand was when Lanfear began manipulating him. Egwene was the only relationship he'd had and the only girl he'd ever kissed.

And Rand can't hide that he does have more experience now.

(also: Cauthor shipper side note: the way Mat talks about Randgwene here very much matches how I tend to write Mat's backstory crush feelings towards Rand in fics -- Egwene is the only girl Rand's ever been with and so it's basically "written in the Pattern" in other words, Mat has given up before he ever began)

So I kinda feel like the Mat & Bain/Chiad encounter and the Elayne & Aviendha encounter are given pretty equal levels and amounts of setup in the episode prior to the kissing. Which... from what I've seen among show-only reactors so far they are also treated with an equal level of seriousness in terms of the relationships themselves. Whether that's good or bad (or neutral) is a personal assessment.

Also we do have a double-entendre here with Mat hoping to get "speared" by Bain & Chiad, so even the type of encounter he has is foreshadowed.

I spent way too long trying to get Mat's translation down and wasn't able to do it lol. I definitely hear "holubi" (comfort) and I'm pretty sure I hear "des'tuhat" (thousand) and I think I hear "cal" (red) but I can't parse a lot of the other words. The translation we're given is "find comfort in the arms of a thousand ginger ladies". I might be able to hear "boan", which is "feminine beauty". Not certain.

Mat is able to get both Rand & Perrin smiling until his Old Tongue slip-up makes the mood skip a beat.

Rand reaches out to comfort Mat here.

Perrin deflects from the awkward moment by pressing Rand on the topic of kisses. I do feel like Rand is fairly melancholy here when he talks about 'Selene', the innkeeper in Cairhien (who he wishes had been real), and it's afterwards when he smiles, and it's more deflection than anything else.

"The Black Ajah stole our most powerful weapons," is what Verin tells Moiraine. No details.

"Before he declared himself, he was under your care and control" man, Moiraine wishes that had been true. "You have to cede all that, trust his decisions."

Moiraine objects but it literally is out of her control as we see in this episode when her deal with Lanfear fails to yield the results either of them wanted.

Verin asks Moiraine if she can believe in the person, Rand, and not just the idea of the Dragon Reborn. Seeing the person instead of the idea is a huge theme in people's relationships with Rand - who really sees him? Who figures him out and reaches him, Rand al'Thor?

(In this episode, it's Elayne who does that -- Egwene, Perrin, and Mat are all trying to live in the past, in different ways and for different reasons. Nynaeve is distracted by her own problems, Aviendha sees A Wetlander and Moiraine sees the Dragon Reborn who is Not Ready. Elayne sees Rand -- a young man who has been given power that he doesn't know how to handle yet but who needs support instead of bullying or manipulation. I really like the upcoming Rand & Elayne scene, if you can't tell, lol)

Perrin buttering Rand up with compliments over his leadership to soften the "I want to go home" blow. That said, Perrin does affirm here that he trusts Rand to make the right decisions, and Rand does need that kind of support right now, so I'm glad Perrin got to give it before they parted ways. What Perrin says about Mat is also cute. "Mat. I'd follow him anywhere. Probably drown in a barrel of wine but he'd convince me it was the right choice."

I do think it's good that Perrin & Rand got this private talk here, because the last time we saw them together on-screen talking to each other, it was during the big blowout fight in 1x07. So we can see here that there's no issues between them anymore and both of them have long since moved past the emotions of that fight. Meanwhile, the last moment that Rand and Mat shared was a fairly intimate and emotional cradling experience, so they didn't need a private moment as much (I would have loved one, but their friendship is established enough that they didn't need it). Shoring up Perrin & Rand's friendship was a good beat.

I do note that Perrin is not physically touchy the way that both Mat and Rand tend to be (actually Rand... hmm, is Rand mirroring? Does he mirror Mat's touchiness and mirror Perrin's more physically-contained vibe, depending on who he's talking to? huh, that's an interesting thought). And neither of them want to talk to Mat about Perrin leaving before the moment actually happens (they want to help Mat keep his spirits up maybe?)

Lanfear and Moiraine's first big conversation and note that, even when Lan breaks later and goes to save Nynaeve, he doesn't confide in her about Moiraine's betrayal of trust towards Rand & the other Two Rivers ta'veren. Again, we have that clash of loyalties at play.

So, Lanfear got most of what she wanted out of the Black Ajah escape -- she didn't get Siuan but she got Liandrin & co getting the items out of a city. A half-bag. Now she wants to get a different piece of what she desires -- Rand to actually move in the direction of her choosing and for him to do so without any of his close friends by his side (probably and notably because they actively refute her statements about how she's the only one who 'really cares' about Rand. It's a lot easier for her to make that claim when Moiraine is her competition than when it's Egwene, Nynaeve, Perrin, and Mat).

Moiraine really really should be noting what it potentially means that she's willing to make deals with a Forsaken in order to try to force Rand to move according to her beliefs about what he should do next, but she's operating at a bit of a sunk cost fallacy (she already invested in working with Lanfear in 2x08, when she sank ships and sent up the dragon banner based on Lanfear's word alone), she is very worried that she has no control over Rand and still believes that she needs to have control over Rand to justify how hard things between her and Siuan have broken, and she also is being semi-forced because she knows that Lanfear massively outscales her when it comes to both power and skill.

Lanfear, on the other hand, should have noted what it might mean that Rand has told Moiraine about her nightly visits to him. He hasn't kept it close as a personal secret between the two of them -- he's told Moiraine (the one person who really knows what happened in Cairhien) and he's told Moiraine the content of what Lanfear has been pushing him to do (claim Callandor in Tear, just like Moiraine is trying to push as well). Lanfear absolutely glosses over this and immediately blames Rand's friends for why he isn't doing what she wants. If only Rand were isolated and alone, like he was in Cairhien, then he would be acting the way that she is now pretending to herself that he was acting in Cairhien (because even there, he was pushing back on her whenever it actually mattered to him). "The man he must become" is absolutely "my do-over LTT" in Lanfear's head.

I am honestly so curious about how things actually went down between LTT & Lanfear, because I do not trust her account of the situation at all. We've watched in real time how she blames other people for why Rand isn't being her obedient little boytoy -- I feel like her blaming LTT for why she turned to the Shadow (both her and Ishy do this) is another of her stories that she tells herself to make herself feel better. But we may find out! So we will potentially see!

Lan being absolutely against this plan is our first narrative hint that this is Not A Good Plan. Lan's furious face (that Lanfear completely ignores) is a thing of beauty.

Lanfear claims here that she knows "the dark parts of Rand" that Moiraine wants to ignore -- this is the seed of how she claims to know the "real" Rand, because Lanfear appears to be one of those people who feels that the worst parts of a person are also the most real version of that person. But it's also a manipulation tactic, used by her to make Moiraine believe that Rand is much darker than he actually is whenever we see him. She wants to influence Moiraine's perception of Rand's behavior and actions.

Moiraine very accurately calls that Lanfear's pushiness is turning Rand off the idea of Tear, but I'm not sure she understands that her own pushiness is doing the same! You two are wearing the same hat here, honey.

"You know these kids. You know what will make them hurt. What will leave them behind." Lanfear is wrong about this (and if Moiraine also believes this, she is wrong too) - the reasons why Perrin, Nynaeve, and Mat end up splintering off from Rand at the end of this episode is much more based in their own reasoning than due to what happened in the Inn, though what happens at the Inn does increase Rand's belief that they're safer away from him. But neither Lanfear nor Moiraine know that Nynaeve is already doubting whether or not she can be helpful, that Perrin is already desperately wanting to go home, and that Mat's memories are overwhelming him so completely. What each of the kids do at the end of the episode is very much based in their own character's stories, not in what Lanfear does to them at the Inn.

So, about Power-wrought swords... I think that Moiraine and Lan might have taken the wrong lesson about what happened up on the tower in Falme (maybe because Rand himself would have had a difficult time explaining it). I think Rand's sword being Power-wrought probably helped it survive his weaves long enough for him to sink them into Ishamael, but that it was the weaves that he jammed directly into Ishy's heart that made his body flake to ash. Not the sword itself. That's my theory.

Lan looks so exasperated when Moiraine says that she doesn't believe that Lanfear will betray them "tonight". Lan was willing to sign onto Moiraine's cause (protecting Rand) but he doesn't agree with all her methods.

So we used the boat trip to basically skip over all of the "Elayne learns about Aiel culture through bonding with Aviendha" stuff, which does make me sad, but I guess Rand, at least, might actually be learning some of that on-screen with Aviendha & the other Aiel this season and I can understand the show not wanting to have those beats happen twice on screen. Elayne being teased about Aviendha's crush on her vs Mat's teasing about how he wants to be speared by Bain & Chiad during the boys' gossiping session.

Siuan's arrival changes the mood immediately -- we're reminded that Elayne isn't just Elayne. She's also the Daughter-Heir of Andor and an important link in the alliance between the White Tower and the throne of Andor. Following up this reminder that Elayne is not just Elayne, with a scene of her talking to Rand about his responsibilities, is such a great choice. We also have the contrast of Elayne's dutifulness against Egwene and Nynaeve's more negative reaction to seeing Siuan.

Potentially of note: when Egwene tells Siuan that Rand told "us" about what she'd done to him, I wonder if that includes Elayne. We've seen that the ta'veren are regularly talking amongst just the five of them, so it's very possible to me that Rand only trusted that information to Egwene, Nynaeve, Perrin, and Mat (with Moiraine and Lan already knowing). When we see Rand worrying about trust in the later scene in this episode with Moiraine, we see him defaulting to feeling like the only people he can really trust are other Two Rivers' folk. To go back to Aviendha's complaints about him for a moment -- that's the blood he was raised with, so that's the blood that he trusts.

Of course, this season is very much about him exploring the blood that he was born with (the Aiel culture) but that's the place where we're starting with Rand. He trusts the people who raised him and who sheltered him as he was growing up. That's also kinda where I feel like Rand is coming from with his scenes with Egwene -- he has massive guilt over how his abandonment of her contributed to her being held captive by the Seanchan but he also only feels like he can really trust Two Rivers' folk right now, though we see the beginnings of him trusting Elayne.

"I regret them, in part." I wonder if Siuan felt obligated to add that last bit due to the Oath against lying. She couldn't honestly say that she regretted what she did to Rand last season because she still believes that it was the best course of action after Moiraine had shown that she could not control him, but she regrets the consequences of that choice.

So Moiraine overhearing this conversation between Siuan, Nynaeve, and Egwene -- and then she plays on this exact point that Siuan brings up when she talks to Egwene in 3x02. And since Egwene doesn't know that Moiraine overheard this, she doesn't know that Moiraine is double-down on a talking point that Siuan provided. Just like Siuan does here, Moiraine focuses on how using the tainted half of the One Power is going to eventually overtake Rand and make him dangerous, a point of view that Egwene resists both here against Siuan and later with Moiraine but which we see haunt her in the Accepted Test when a fully overtaken Rand is demanding that she bow to him. Yes, she has that fear, very strongly so, but she refuses to admit that fear to Siuan, to Moiraine, or even to Rand himself.

Intimacy contrast -- Nynaeve has trusted Lan with the knowledge of what happened in her Accepted Test and the two of them are able to further bond over the emotional aftermath of what happened in the Test, while we'll see Egwene not willing to elaborate when it comes to talking things out with Rand, because it touches on topics that she doesn't want to bring up with Rand (the fear that he might go mad).

"It's not just what you see in there. It's the memories you're left with." And we see already later in this episode, that memories of Rand from the Test have already begun to mix with Egwene's (Lanfear-enhanced) nightmares about Renna.

We also continue to see Lan being torn between his duty and his heart -- he doesn't tell Nynaeve that Moiraine has made a deal with Lanfear (because he knows that she would immediately tell Rand).

Elayne sends a letter to Tear (to smooth the way for Rand when he eventually goes there) and to her mother (probably to let her mother know that she's in the White Tower, safe and sound, and please don't worry). And now we enter Peacemaker Elayne era in her interactions with both Aviendha and Rand -- and she touches both Aviendha and Rand on the arm in her respective scenes with them to emphasis her feelings of empathy with them.

Note the difference in expectations that Aviendha brings to Rand vs Elayne -- she wants Rand to intuitively know the Aiel ways and the Aiel people, despite herself, Bain, and Chiad being the first Aiel that he has ever met (and they all refuse to actually tell him anything), while we know that she's been willing to teach Elayne their ways. Rand looking Aiel makes him more of a disappointment because he doesn't act Aiel, while Elayne looking Aiel is another point in her favor. Aviendha had prior expectations of How The Car'a'carn Should Behave and Rand has failed to meet those expectations, while she had no expectations for how "Elayne of House Trakand" should behave, so she is open to accepting Elayne for who she is.

The Rand vs the Car'a'carn situation is also a fun contrast to Paul "Mau'dib" Atreides, who in the Dune series is known to be the Freman messiah partly because "he knows your ways as if born to them" -- this appears to be the expectation that Aviendha is bringing to Rand. He should just know the Aiel and their ways. But Rand is not a political creature the way that Paul is raised to be, and he can't effortlessly shift himself to meet people's expectations the way that Paul does.

Elayne is a pretty smooth operator here (and I think her approach to Aviendha confirms that she was also flirting with Egwene back in s2 but Egwene just didn't pick up on it, so Elayne dropped it and decided to Get a Friend instead). Something I'm currently wondering about is if Elayne hooked up with novices during some of her earlier visits to the White Tower. It doesn't sound like the Trakand siblings were raised with any kind of sexual repression, and their mom doesn't seem to have any qualms about them making time with people (presumably as long as they are taking precautions to avoid pregnancy and potential rivals to Elayne's position as Daughter-Heir). Given that our characters have left the Tower behind as of 3x03, we will probably never get an answer to that question! But I definitely get the vibe during the Avilayne hookup that this is not Elayne or Aviendha's first time with someone.

We slide pretty smoothly from Elayne trying to get Aviendha to go easier on Rand to her working on Rand to get him to be more accepting of Aviendha, pointing out that despite Aviendha's doubts about him, she's still here with him.

I like the talk about prophecies -- it definitely feels like we are setting up Tear to be the Next Big Thing after the Aiel Waste, so hopefully we will get that s4 renewal so that we can visit Tear and check out Callandor.

Rand and Loial getting this little moment here before they part ways at the end of the episode is also good. Rand really does check in with all the people that he hadn't already checked in with at the end of s2 (which is why we don't get a Rand & Mat dedicated scene, because they got several in the back half of s2; makes sense, even if I really really want more Rand & Mat interaction lol!). Nice little shoulder clasp of support from Loial to Rand as he leaves (I don't only mention the Cauthor ones!).

Elayne and Rand's conversation here really sets Elayne up as the anti-Moiraine/Lanfear. Instead of trying to push and prod Rand, or trying to manipulate him behind the scenes, she goes to him to directly state her own opinions without putting any force behind trying to enforce those opinions on him. She does use some subtle social manipulation tactics (the arm touch to get him to focus in on her) but they are very well-meaning and innocent compared to what we see from Lanfear later on, and they are accompanied by strong promises of unconditional support that echo the kind of support that Perrin gave him earlier in the episode -- Andor will always be a friend to the Dragon Reborn. She will always be a friend to the Dragon Reborn.

Elayne is able to reach both the Rand al'Thor and Dragon Reborn parts of the equation. She listens to his concerns and pushes back when he starts to get too arrogant (saying that Tear will have to fall to him no matter what), without ever putting his back up or making him get prickly at her. She is masterful here and I love this scene for showing us Elayne wielding soft power for the benefit of both the world and the people she's giving advice to.

She is also providing a template for Rand to follow on how to act as a leader, if he chooses to pay attention. Get people to agree to follow you as a leader, if possible, rather than conquering them with force. And that also appears to be the approach that he is taking with the Aiel, in going to them and following their trials to meet their standards to who they will follow as a leader.

Egwene pushes back against both Siuan and Moiraine when they try to get her to be afraid of Rand falling to the madness, but the Accepted Test shows the audience that this is a fear that haunts her deeply (and keeps chasing her even after she's left the Test). The outfits in this scene are so fantastic.

I do think they picked the most effective of Egwene's potential Rand-Tests in order to show onscreen, the one where the two of them are further away from each other and the most at odds. One where Rand is gone far enough to have killed Mat and Perrin (and probably killed Elayne and Nynaeve in front of Egwene's eyes, judging by the amount of blood that was covering Egwene when she exited the Test).

This scene with Moiraine and Rand haunts me because of how Moiraine misses a clear opportunity to empathize with Rand, and how things might have changed if she'd taken it. She pushes Rand to tell her where he really wants to go -- and he does! He even tells her why! He wants to go home because that's where he has people that he knows that he can trust. He opens the door to vulnerability with her, and she slams it shut when she tells him that he can't be a child and that he needs to face the fact that he'll never go home. The thing is... Rand wasn't telling her where he was planning on going. That wasn't what she asked! He told her where he wanted to go. This scene is also what seals the deal (on Moiraine's side) about her going along with Lanfear's plan once chaos erupts at the Inn, I think. She thinks that Rand isn't taking things seriously enough and wants the dangers of their situation to be brought home to him. But we, the audience, know that Rand is taking the situation extremely seriously, from his private talks with the other Two Rivers' folk, and his conversation with Loial and Elayne in the prior scene. This scene is a great example of miscommunication that is rooted deeply in characterization.

It's also a great little nod that Rand is turning over what Elayne told him in his head, because she's the one who talked about the importance of figuring out who you can trust. If he's thinking about that part of her advice, then he's probably thinking about the rest of her advice too.

Before the attack begins, we spend a little time with all the characters. Moiraine is pining over Siuan but is barred from the Tower, both by her Oath and by her own pride. Siuan didn't believe that Moiraine was capable of controlling Rand, and Moiraine is worried that she's right but also is certain that caging Rand is the wrong approach.

We get more of Lan and Nynaeve together, and Lan does not warn Nynaeve of the attack that is about to happen. He is physically with her, but his strongest loyalty is (currently) still to Moiraine. We also are getting our first hints here that Lan's arc this season is going to be about his Malkieri heritage (both Lan and Rand exploring their heritage this season, given them an additional thing to potentially bond over). Nynaeve asks Lan why he feels weak, and he can't tell her the full truth, only vaguely warn her about "the Forsaken" coming for them all.

I'm really glad that I watched all three episodes before doing my deep dive into 3x01, because seeing Bain & Chiad with Loial and Maksim later on really helps me with the Maidens' Kiss scene. For reasons that need book spoilers to explain, I had some initial qualms about this scene, but after seeing how casual and easy it was for both Loial and Maksim to punt off Chiad & Bain's offers of Maidens' Kiss, I do feel much more certain that if Mat had shown any signs of not being into the situation, they would have been willing to back off. Plus Loial and Perrin being around for the start of it helps.

With that knowledge, I can relax a bit more and enjoy Mat discovering his new kink and have fun getting to watch Mat actually get the chance to kiss someone! <3

This is also another poly situation being placed in front of us, to add to Alanna, Maksim, and (RIP) Ihvon.

While Mat makes out with Chiad and Bain (probably mostly Chiad, since she's the one who keeps asking everyone to play Maidens' Kiss with her & Bain), Elayne sneaks up to the roof to talk briefly to Aviendha and for them to hook up as well. I'm guessing we're supposed to feel like they are far enough away from the others that they don't hear all the noise and the fuss later on. Both Elayne and Mat drink quite a bit in this scene before their respective hookups, so that might have also clouded Elayne's mind when it came to hearing any loud noises.

"Tonight's the last fun I'll have for months, if not years," Elayne says, before she makes her way upstairs to find Aviendha, which really does set the tone for their encounter, as does her drinking to Mat's toast: "To seeing double and staying single."

And we are reminded that Mat has been flirting pretty hard with Bain & Chiad during this last month and expressed a desire to "get speared" by them in his conversation with the boys. He is definitely using flirting (and drinking) as a way of distracting himself from his problems (very book canon-compliant of him), but that's not Bain and Chiad's responsibility. He's a grown man. With all of that in mind, I can enjoy the scene the way that it was meant to be enjoyed. I just needed a little bit of reassurance on the consent levels before I could get there, and Bain & Chiad's scenes with Loial and Maksim in later episodes gave me that.

Bain and Chiad's "you can play too" to Perrin & Loial -- which side of the spears were they suggesting that they be on? It is not made entirely clear, lol. <3

Aviendha asking what the White Tower is like, only for Elayne to mention how lonely it will be without any of her friends there. Baby!

We cut directly from Aviendha and Elayne to Egwene and Rand. I'm guessing that the shot of Aviendha's hand moving up Elayne's thigh was directed in part so that we could move to the shot of Egwene's hand on Rand's stomach. Aviendha touching Elayne to bring her pleasure, while Egwene's touch is unintentionally causing more pain.

We echo the scene from 1x01 here, with Rand asking after Egwene's rite of passage and her hesitant to give him any details, but now we have the contrast of Nynaeve entrusting Lan with the pain that she went through in the Arches.

We also have a divide here, where Rand says that if Egwene is saying he wasn't present in her Test, then "the Dragon" was instead. We've been seeing Rand doing this a fair bit this season so far -- he seems to have split up Selene and Lanfear as well. And his inability to tell Egwene about Selene/Lanfear is the aspect of this scene where he isn't the one sharing his vulnerabilities with Egwene either. Because Egwene would understand the situation much more easily if Rand told her about it -- Lanfear is in my dreams and I can't control whether or not she shows up. But to explain Lanfear, he would first need to explain Selene, and he can't do that with Egwene, because of how guilty he feels about abandoning her and the others. He would need to explain that while she'd been suffering, he'd been genuinely moving on and falling in love with someone else. He can't tell her about Lanfear because he can't tell her about Selene.

"Did I hurt you?" "I'm not afraid of you, Rand."

He absolutely noticed that she didn't actually answer the question that he asked her (which means the answer was 'yes').

They decide to try to have sex (with the implication that they have not been having sex during the last month - and there is no indication that Rand has been having sex with Lanfear in TAR either, in fact the way they interact in the upcoming episodes strongly implies that they are not having sex) and Rand ends up with more clothes on afterwards than he has on right now. So... unsure what that means.

Nynaeve and Lan, otoh, definitely had sex and good for them, though Nynaeve is still awake and worrying. Perrin is having nightmares about killing Daddy Bornhald.

We get our first really clear glimpse of the Gray Man as Moiraine walks down the stairs and commits herself to ignoring any cries for help -- there's our narrative evidence that this is A Bad Plan.

Nynaeve and Mat's scenes here is so good. He's still trying to drink himself out of his own head and Nynaeve, being the village Wisdom, is able to Big Sister him into being open and vulnerable with her about what he's suffering.

The fears that Lanfear preys on with the boys are pretty pointed (and I think illustrate that she's been peeking into Perrin & Mat's dreams as well) -- Mat is hypnotized so that he stands uselessly by as his friends get hurt (and if there was no Gray Man, it would have been Rand, Perrin, and Egwene's injuries that he would have had to feel guilty about); Perrin is haunted by the specter of his own violence and rage; and Rand (and Egwene) are haunted by the violence that Rand himself is potentially capable of, if/when the madness takes him. They did a good job adapting this scene in the books to something that felt more appropriate for the show.

Lan is able to ignore the screams and cries of the kids until Nynaeve directly calls out for his aid (though he is clearly unhappy about it as soon as the yelling starts), and then he chooses to go and help her. He is trying to keep his loyalties to both sides intact but Moiraine is making it very difficult with what she is asking of him.

Small notes: Nynaeve is attacked by Mohedien's Gray Man, not by Lanfear. And Aviendha and Elayne aren't targeted at all, likely because Lanfear doesn't view them as any kind of threat to her plans with Rand. And Nynaeve likely isn't seen as a threat by Lanfear because of her block (ironically this seems to be the very reason that she's the first one that Moghedien targets, given what Lanfear says about how Moghedien operates -- she sees Nynaeve as the weakest link of the ta'veren, probably due to her block, and so plans to take her out first and then work her way up to Rand).

We also see Rand's struggle with the One Power here -- the way he smiles at feeling it and has a difficult time letting go.

Lan is so fucking furious at Moiraine over this plan (but again, says nothing to the kids about it. Torn hard between those two loyalties).

Lanfear's casual cruelty is also on display here -- two of her plans involve active violence (Chiad absolutely would have died if Loial hadn't grabbed that axe).

Everyone gets pretty traumatized by all that, but it only accelerates their current plans, if anything (Moiraine was always pushing for them to leave this morning, so I don't even know if their plans to separate got accelerated at all). Moiraine, however, might currently believe that working with Lanfear actually was successful in splitting Rand off from most of his friends.

The ta'veren five debrief while Moiraine & Lan go to talk to Lanfear in secret. Moiraine and Lan first -- Lan's fury over the plan and his decision to go against it is justified when we learn that Lanfear couldn't anticipate another player entering the game, and we learn that "A Forsaken" created the Gray Man who was sent after Nynaeve.

The split-up conversation is so sad, because it's clear how much Nynaeve and Mat are wishing they could also go with Rand but they both feel useless and broken right now. As Egwene is touching Nynaeve to reassure her, we also get Rand going over to clasp Mat's shoulder. And Perrin has been longing to go home for a while, and Rand knew that Perrin wanted to leave back during the board game that they were planning on their brief boys' day out. Rand assumes that Egwene is going to stay too, but she insists on coming with Rand -- all of this strength that she's been working on building has been explicitly because she wants to be strong enough to protect her friends and to protect Rand.

Loial going home with Perrin because they are friends! Chiad going along because of toh and Bain because of her connection to Chiad. This is a lovely little set of people here and I really think the show did a good job of having Perrin's bond with Aviendha lead into this new dynamic with Bain & Chiad.

Lan and Nynaeve's goodbye here is very sweet, even if Lan is still holding Moiraine's secrets close to his chest. He does give Nynaeve his mother's ring, which ties his loyalty to Nynaeve in with him being the uncrowned king of Malkier as opposed to being Moiraine's Warder. The two different pulls of duty that he has -- Malkier vs Moiraine. And the introduction of Melindhra in 3x03 tells us that those loyalties are going to be pulled on more this season.

We get some nice tiny moments as the goodbyes are said -- a reminder of Mat's sisters as Perrin gets ready to head back to the Two Rivers. The three boys going in for a big hug together. Aviendha and Elayne leaving things off on a "that was a lot of fun and I'd do it again" note. Mat getting a wink from Chiad so that we know they had a lot of fun too. Nynaeve's reassurance to Rand (don't forget who you are) and a nice hug between them. Mat making one last bad joke to get a smile out of Rand (success) and a lingering look between them before he turns away with nods on both sides. And a last lingering look between Lan and Nynaeve.

"My duty is to you, as yours is to your people," Aviendha says and then is surprisingly rewarded only a minute or so later as Rand pulls his Uno Reversal on Moiraine (and earns himself a bit of respect from Aviendha in the process) as we learn that he's going to go to the Aiel Waste instead of going to Tear like Moiraine (and Lanfear) wants. The audience knows that he's following Elayne's advice here, but no one else does. Rand takes control of his own destiny, charting his own path, but not by ignoring people's advice. He does it by listening carefully to the advice given to him, and making his decision about what to do.

Moghedien's scene here is very informative! This is a great extrapolation of Gray Men from the books, who are never properly explained. Sets Moghedien up as properly creepy, and we get payoff in only a couple of episodes when the Gray Man who was once Jaichaim attacks Nynaeve and Elayne.

[amysubmits]

I had to come find this old thread to add this song that isn't new but I just found it this week even though it's folk not country. If a singer looks republican but isn't, that's close enough to 'country' IMO. 😆

That night on the roof of the school when we were talking at stars And you said that you might be afraid of who you really are Your hand touched my hand and retreated in that desperate dark And I called you a faggot and laughed and punched you in the arm

I don't believe it I can't believe it now I can't believe how I let you down

The church was a boot on your neck since the day you were born They didn't like the way that you talk or how you move in the world How you glide like a leaf on the water all gentle and kind The world wants a man who is hard not hard to define

And then I realized I had more I didn't add before.

If she ever leaves, it's gonna be for a woman with more time Who's not afraid to let her dreams come true If she ever gives her careful heart to somebody new Well, it won't be for a cowboy like you

I could have been somebody's father I couldn't boil a pot of water I was nineteen years old in 1990

Raised in the church Washed in the blood, we all were Saved before we even left home I thank god you weren't brought up like me With all that shame and uncertainty And I'm sorry you had to go in that room alone

Jamie found a boyfriend With smiling eyes and dark skin And her daddy never spoke another word to her again

The old man at the Quickstop Lying to the county cops And laughing like his soul was without sin

How did he get so low? Seems like just a week ago She was sitting on your shoulders watching fireworks in the sky

He treats her like a queen But you don't know 'cause you ain't seen It's hard to go through life without your daddy by your side

Don't wash the cast iron skillet This town won't get no better, will it? She found love and it was simple as a weather vane But her own family tried to kill it

This one actually belongs to John Prine who I usually love, but I prefer Johnny's cover and minor change to the lyrics. Sorry Prine.

Someone's children out having children In a gray stone building all alone

From a teenage lover to an unwed mother Kept undercover like some bad dream While unwed fathers, they can't be bothered They run like water through a mountain stream

This one might feel like a big stretch for some, but IMO there's a huge overlap with authoritarian politics an authoritarian parenting, religion, etc so a song about childhood trauma makes sense to throw in here, for me.

Walkin’ through the halls with a bullet-proof backpack Ain't old enough to buy your own cold beer Y'all ain't the ones who make the rules 'round here Eat your peas and say your prayers Hush your mouth and brush your hair Who do you think you are, kid?

We need to put the “I’m in prison for killing a cop.” energy back in country music. We need to put the “I really hate the establishment so much. Abolish prison. Beat up your boss.” energy back in country music. We need to put the “I feel so bad for disappointing my mommy.” energy back in country.

[eldritch-spouse]

*sighing* “Ludwig. It's been what, half a year? If you had something important to say you would have said it when I found out you helped create a slaughterhouse for humans and I was nothing more than a replacement for an ex.” *crosses arms* “But go on Ludwig, I'm all ears. Why should I even think about getting back together with you? What possible explanation could you have for what you've done?”

[Two angry people don't make a calm conversation.]

" Well shit- " He wanted to approach this as calmly as he could, in spite of some things being very fresh in his mind. It seems that won't be possible. " Excuse me for being fucked up over shit that I've already told you. "

" I have no 'justification' for anything that happened, and guess what, I don't fucking care to either. " He gestures, encroaching upon your person space. " You have no idea what carrying that thing did to me. You have no idea, and you never will, what it's like to have the first person you've ever loved get ripped away from you- Watching them die, and become an unreachable stranger. "

With a huff that probably blows some of your hair away, he surprisingly backs off.

" I've hurt you. I know I did. You weren't anything to me, when this started. " Lud confesses, even if the notion that he once truly felt nothing for you now causes him pain. " You couldn't be, I couldn't be anything to anyone because he fucked every inch of my mind! "

Ludwig seems to be shaking irately. The notion that you probably still don't believe his words, that you think he's justifying his lack of care on account of fictitious lies, is insanely infuriating. He can't just share these memories with you and let you see the ghost of a person that he was, what the other one had to do to fix him.

" I had someone who truly loved me, someone worth ten times what she ever was to me, and I wasn't allowed to see it, so I put you through what I did. And... And I apologized for it, but I knew that wasn't enough. I knew you needed time. "

The demon shrugs, visibly wrestling his own rage to be able to even form words. He hates that this was done to him, he hates that he can't punish Krulu, he hates that he hurt you, he hates that you won't see the truth, it's hard to process these things and let them fade into the background of his new life.

" I gave you time, didn't I? Half a year, babe. Said it yourself. " Although he grins, it's not a genuine expression. " You know what I've been doing with that time? Putting myself back together, piece by little fucking piece, just so I can be someone again. "

" Just so I could find you again, and make things right. "

A red claw points your way.

" Things are going to be different this time. I'm not going to lose someone else because of shit I can't control, understand? " Although desperation bleeds into his lowered tone, it feels too much like a threat.

" You saw something in me. I know it's still there. Don't make this difficult. "

There's a silent warning in his squinted eye, an intensity in that cut-throat pupil that tells you all you need to know. This is not the same monster you once dated. While he's different now, he's not as healed as he thinks.

[adenomors]

epic!Calypso is NOT more innocent than odyssey!Calypso

TW: sexual assault / rape

Sometimes I see people say that epic!Calypso never laid her hands on Odysseus, and that it was only in the original story, which is not true. It's not stated directly, but the implications of sexual assault are still there.

"Soon into bed we'll climb and spend our time" When paired with both the source material and the other lines I'll mention, this line gains a sexual connotation. There are other reasons you could climb in bed with someone, but when you consider the context, it's most likely climbing into bed for sex.

(EDIT: I originally said "Nobody talks about climbing into bed with their 'lover' and isn't insinuating sex. Especially not in the middle of the day (naps exist, yeah, but we both know that's not what she was talking about)." This is not true, there are plenty of reasons you could climb into bed with a lover without having sex, which was brought to my attention in the reblogs. I was (kind of) exaggerating to prove my point, but I didn't clarify that I was exaggerating at all, so that's entirely my bad. I also didn't really consider the other connotations of that line, so sorry about this! I do still believe Calypso did want something sexual when she said that, but not everyone who asks to "climb into bed" with a s/o does.)

"I'm not your man / Hell no, I could kill you where you stand! I'm no pet, I'm a married man / No, no, I don't belong here! There's something wrong here! I won't be drawn to love in paradise. Not till the end of time, there is no way" Odysseus said no multiple times and she doesn't listen. She's still very affectionate and insists that he's the love of her life, which proves that Calypso doesn't care about his consent, she just cares that he's there.

"Oh, handsome, you may try, but last I checked goddesses can't die! You're adorable, bow down now to the immortal Calypso" She doesn't take his refusals seriously, she calls him cute for trying to say no. There's a clear power imbalance here, and because of that, Calypso views Ody's consent as beneath her or unnecessary. Calypso may love Odysseus, but she doesn't respect him in the slightest.

"Seven years she's kept you trapped out of your control, time can take a heavy toll" It's true that Odysseus is thinking about his dead friends when he attempts suicide, but Athena's line here implies a lot about Calypso. Everything she does with him is completely out of Ody's control; he has no power in this situation. I'm sure you can see the implications of that yourself, especially when it was so clearly rape in the source material.

"Someone arrived today. They said they're taking you away, that you're not mine to save" The way this is phrased makes it seem like Calypso did think Odysseus was hers to save, like she saw him as more of an object to love than a person. And that's all true: she sees him as beneath her, like I said above. I could be reaching on this one, but this line isn't alone, it's added on top of all the other ones. This line supports the other implications.

"Then I am sorry that my love's too much for you, but I'm not sorry for loving you" This is a common manipulation tactic, and Calypso may not be doing it consciously, but she's putting part of the blame on Odysseus. She only loved him, she's not in the wrong! It's Ody's fault for not being able to handle it! That's what she's insinuating when she says that, and I doubt it's on purpose, but she's still doing it.

She did rape Odysseus, and she knew what she was doing (she would have to, based on the amount of times he said no), she just didn't understand why it was wrong. Ody is the first person she's met... ever. She wouldn't know how valuable a mortal's consent is. I'm not defending her btw, she's absolutely in the wrong, I just like to analyze Calypso's actions. She's fun to analyze. Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is... stop saying epic!Calypso didn't touch Ody!! She did!! You can like her without defending her actions!!

[shadowthesim237]

princess⋆₊⊹

underground rapper!chris x wealthy!reader

a forbidden love story (english isn't my first language!)

» [amira-wegz] «

0:48 ─〇───── 4:29

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

chris loved nothing more than music, he'd sit in his bedroom for hours working on a song. the way his heart would drop with the beat and his mouth will automatically start rapping the scribbled words in his journal. he knew that his work deserves so much more than this cheap laptop he uses for production and the old mic he's been using for years. but he didn't care for fame or money, he believed that his life was enough and was pretty content with it, he truly was grateful for his simple ways.

untill that all changed the second his heart started beating for you.

you were in the little crowd in front of him, jumping and dancing to the beat, screaming the lyrics with everyone else. after the show ended you went directly backstage. when you spotted chris your face lit up and ran quickly to jump in his arms.

"omg chris you really did it!"

he had just performed his very first show, only about a hundred tickets were sold if not less, but it felt so big for you both.

"did you like it princess?" you nodded your head in agreement to his obvious question. he knows you did since his eyes never left you the whole time he was on that stage. your excitement was evident to everyone.

you started the car's engine and drived to your favorite diner with chris in the passenger seat across from you. he wasn't paying attention to the music playing, only you. the way you were so focused on the street in front of you, it made him fall harder, you had no flaws in his eyes. but realization punched his face the second he saw the channel logo on your sunglasses resting elegantly on the top of your head, it made you look fancy like you always do. but it stings, how can he afford you?

his friends never stopped teasing him since you started dating. everyone knows that you were close friends from your childhood. frinds until his notebook started having love lyrics in it, but people thought that his romantic ideas were all fake just so that he can use your daddy's money and build his music career, and they are so wrong. your feelings were mutual. he meant the whole world to you and you wouldn't mind living in a little room on a rooftop as long as it's with him. but of course not all love stories are as simple as in disney movies. yours was complicated because of your parents.

your mom almost fainted when she found a love letter signed with his name back when you were still in high school, you tried to hide but it somehow fell under her hands. of course she had to tell your dad and they made it seem like the world was ending. saying things like 'he will never make you happy' or 'he's not enough for you'

maybe they meant well? maybe they truly cared for your comfort and wanted to secure your future. but it never made sense to you. you remember it vividly like it happened hours ago, that night after you fought with your parents for chris. you sneaked through your bedroom's window and went to his little apartment. you were a crying mess when he opened the door for you.

that night you fell asleep in his arms while he whispered soft promises in your ear. promises about how you'll grow up old together, promised that one day he will be enough, that he won't stop working until your parents approve of him, and if not, then he'll have to take you and runaway to build a proper life together.

but years passed and he's still sitting next to you in the passenger seat. you're his princess, you're the one who's supposed to be picked up not him. you are like a delicate flower that deserves that princess treatment. what if your parents were right after all? he promised you forever, what if he can't give it to you.

you reached the place you're going to have lunch at then get ice cream as a celebration for chris's successful show. you took a seat in your regular spot. the table you used to study on back when you were 16, and the same table he confessed his feelings to you on.

he looked at you and suddenly everything around him stopped. as if the whole town fell asleep due to a spell like in the sleeping beauty. you loved that movie so much, that's why he started calling you princess in the first place. because of how kind and gentle you are, just like princess aurora.

he was looking at the way your lashes were fluttering, and staring at your moving lips and occasional chuckle here and there. all he could think of was the way you were so out of his reach.

chris's life was so different from yours. his dreams were so simple. except for one dream, to be enough for you. how can he when money was such a villainous yet necessary part to achieve that dream. maybe it's his bad luck. but who knows? he usually likes to drift in his thoughts and imagine that he won the lottery. then if you asked for the stars he'll be able to give it to you.

he have to admit it, the way he changed. he's not the same chris who didn't care about the pleasures that life can offer. he's now a new one who's more selfish. he'd do anything for his princess.

sometimes he'd get sick from buying you flowers and taking you on simple small dates. he wanted to spoil you so bad. so he saved money till he was able to buy you a custom made silver necklace with a chain that said princess. you never took it off once. which made chris look forward to the day where he'll replace the silver necklace with a golden one, then to diamond...

memories flashed before his eyes from after your graduation, when he went to your father to convince him. at the time he thought that maybe if your dad really got to know him then he'll approve of your relationship, but all he got from that day was being kicked out like a rabid dog. he remembers crying for the first time in his life because he was scared, maybe even terrified from losing you forever. that day he completely lost all his senses, he forgot his morals and thought about stealing. he'd spend a lifetime locked in a cell if it will make you happy. and the only thing that stopped him was a notification from your contact.

chris was still zoned out. still lost in your eyes like a little boy that lost his mom in the crowd. like a sailor that lost his way back to land.

oh he wanted many things. he wanted to have his own car, to take you in it and drive to the palace that he built for you.

what if he was hallucinating? what if all those dreams he shared with you weren't real. he just can't believe it. what have he done to make you love him? your watch was enough to pay his rent for two years in advance.

your love was for no doubt forbidden, you needed him to understand that he doesn't have to set imaginary boundaries between you. you craved him just as much as he did. he thought that if he can offer you a luxurious life only then he'll be able to compliment your eyes freely. maybe if his clothes were more neat he'll get to have something in common with you, wich didn't make any sense.

you believe in his intentions more than anything else, you've been together for years, sneaking and hiding. someone else would be bored, but not your chris. many girls tried to get with him but he didn't even understand what they wanted, he was blinded by you.

right now you're enjoying your ice cream, holding hands and celebrating his first performance. who knows what the future holds for you. but all you know is that you'll keep holding into each other and to hope. chris had already walked halfway to your well guarded castle. maybe one day he'll walk right through the gates and win you forever.

deviders by: @bernardsbendystraws <3

find more ✩ˊ˗

a/n: i meant for this to be a short blurb but got carried away 😭

taglist: @anyaa2s @m0nsterhighluvr32 @m0llyl0ve @natesfavoritehoe @cupiidk1lls @sturniolos4life16 @breesturns @domtorettosfamily @mattsturns1andonly @caroline12b @reader-lola @dealerchr1s @lemonhoney2460 @freakshow-420 @emely9274 @mattsturniolofuckingsexy @jessie-essie @marrykisskilled @meatballlover10 @chrissturnioloslvt @trevorsgodmother @sophand4n4 @stvrnioloslvt @sturnshood @chrisslut04 @courta13 @pair-of-pantaloons @blushsturns @kisschriss @middlepartmatt @sturns-mermaid @ivysturnss

[erinwantstowrite]

do you have any advice how to get over the fear of posting fanfiction?

idk if you would relate to that but for some reason I just can't publish anything online that isn't my original work, idk if I'm scared that fandoms are going to bully me or that nobody will read it or something else

I know these fears are irrational, but I would love to hear if you had any advice for me

you gotta jump headfirst into it. like this:

when i was 13 years old i wrote a mary sue oc for a marauders fanfiction, named Lana Portland, who could see the future and fell in love with Sirius Black. her one goal was stopping the prophecy and saving everyone, but she died, came back to life at her own funeral, and then disappeared off the face of the earth because she lost her mind. what happened to her? she could only have a sane mind while she was an owl, her animagus form, but no one knew she was an animagus. you'll never believe what owl she was: Hedwig.

if the Erin writing to you right now was the Erin from about six years ago, they would NEVER have admitted that. however, the Erin I am now can. why? because the embarrassment i felt when i turned 15 and hated looking at it has worn off.

Now Erin has finally come to terms with the fact that being "cringe" is a hell of our making. 15 year old Erin was absolutely sure they'd get bullied to hell and back if anyone knew what they had written at 13. they were much more mature than 13 year old Erin, because they wrote Voltron fanfic, not Harry Potter

being scared of what people thought of my writing was a huge obstacle to overcome, and that's because writing is intensely personal

at first, i wrote my Voltron fics with the fandom in mind. i really wanted some validation, but i was miserable and hated writing. eventually, i went back to my roots of just... writing with only myself in mind. and i was happy again, posting with barely any thought to if someone would like the fic. so sure, reading any of my old works would make me want to throw myself into a pit of fire, but there's something freeing about knowing i had posted them. i am where i am now because i hadn't worried about what people thought of it when i was writing it.

over the years, i've found that fics i wrote that were intended to make absolutely everyone happy with me were my worst fics. i didn't enjoy making them, and people still found a way to be dissatisfied with something i've done. the fics where i do absolutely anything i want, even if it ends up making no sense, were the fics i had the most fun writing. and i didn't regret making them

all this to say: treat your fanfic like it's your own original work, have your fun! don't worry about if people tell you "Character would never do that, you are awful." because 1) who cares, and 2) you can block them, and they can block you

now let's say you're no longer scared of getting dunked on for your writing, so you posted it. good job! now you're wanting people to read your work, but you're scared they won't.

this part is complicated because you could do all the "right" things and still get nothing. that can be making sure you're tagging your fic correctly, or making a bunch of posts about your fic and asking people to read, etc. so, before you focus on getting more people to read, you should remind yourself that even if absolutely no one reads your fic, that doesn't mean you should be ashamed of your work. this also ties back into being content with your writing and doing it for yourself first and foremost.

my favorite fic i've written is "Coffee Jelly Disaster." it's only 900 words, it's not nearly my best writing technically, and barely anyone has read it. that last part ate at me when i first posted it because i thought more people would read it. but i still love it! it's so simple and i had fun

when i started writing LoF it was just for me and my friend, and then it got popular because i made a couple of silly tiktoks, which were also for me and my friend. i hadn't expected so many people to tune in when i started, because i had a couple of well read fics before, but nothing like this.

you don't have control over that kind of stuff because there's a lot of different favtors. and it really depends on what fandom you're writing for, too. Saiki K is not nearly as big as Spider-Man and Batman.

so the way i see it, if you post and get two hits and one like, that's still somebody out there who saw your work and wanted you to see they liked it. if you never post it at all, no one will. you gotta take the first step forward to get somewhere, and eventually you'll be running. we end up regretting our inactions the most

[christelightlavo]

Welcome to Christel makes random AU's of Character Christel. Because she is bored but doesn't want to do her job.

Tagging my gang: @fandom-stealer @safire-alula @urlocalbisexualmess-alt (one of them is my mom and the other two little kids, keeping it pg13)

1) Avian AU, Christel is a bird woman on the run from the feds. Why? Because she keeps stealing food and kids like her life depends on it.

2) Blind AU, Christel is basically daredevil and uses that to troll the Bat-family. Mainly Tim Drake.

3) Cult AU, Christel accidentally starts a metahuman cult in the Marvel universe and decides that perhaps she can become Charles Xavier but morally dark gray.

4) DJ AU, Christel becomes a DJ and Wrapper and makes a disstrack on every superhuman alive.

5) Ex AU, Christel and Hecate are exes who are friends but they act like they aren't in good terms just to fuck with people.

6) Fashion AU, Christel is a model who always ends up as the damsel in distress to Spiderman. Who she knows is peter parker. Upon being asked whether they are dating she laughs and starts to scoff at the idea to the point the press thinks they are bitter exes. They both okay along.

7) Gardener AU, Christel turns into poison ivy's gardener.

8) haunted house AU, Christel lives in a haunted house but doesn't believe in ghosts so the ghosts are just REALLY trying to prove their existence but she won't budge.

9) ice age Au, Christel but she is a caveman.

10) Judge AU, Christel but she is a Judge and makes up the most random ass laws.

11) Kidnapper AU, Christel starts a business in which she kidnaps people to give them a break from their loved once. She is surprisingly good at hiding them and her traces.

12) Lawyer AU, Christel is a lawyer but she only takes cases that involve "food-crimes" "style-crimes" and "gaming-crimes" she is surprisingly rich.

13) Musical AU, T1 but everythings a musical.

14) Ninja AU, Christel is a Ninja but not in a cool way. A i-can-disappear-and-throw-stuff-but-i-have-a-nine-to-five-job.

15) Omega verse, Delta Christel, starting a matching making company.

16) Podcast AU, Christel and Delenn start a Podcast but it's just them roasting Bruce.

17) Role Reversal AU , Christel but she is Damian.

18) Servant AU, Christel is the servant of King Arthur of Atlantis Also known as Aquaman.

19) teacher AU, Christel becomes a Teacher in Charles Xavier school for the gifted but she teaches English.

20) Undead AU, Claude is trying to kill Christel but she doesn't stay dead and ends up kidnapping and taking a baby athy from the ruby palace. While also kidnapping Jennette later on.

21) Vet AU, Christel but she is a vet.

22) ware wolf AU, Christel is reborn into the role of Jacob in the twilight series and decides to fuck shit up.

23) YouTuber AU , T2 but Christel has a youtube channel.

24) Zookeeper AU, Christel can't seem to get Damian Wayne out of her Zoo.

[nikethestatue]

I don't believe elriel was ever endgame. On my second reread it became clear...and this is coming from someone who shipped them on my first read.

The BC showed a side of Azriel I wasn't expecting. It felt hollow and not one time did he think about Elains feelings or something actually romantic about how she was reacting or anything. It's all sexual.

In fact, I cannot find a noteworthy moment between elain and azriel where they have a conversation that actually mattered. Opened up to each other, had a moment that was vulnerable. Aren't they friends?

And no, not him saving her. If you haven't realized Azriel has a hero complex yet...well....he's saved nearly half the main character and side character females. Az has a lot of issues. I think he is a bit of a masochist in his own way. I think he goes after unavailable women. He has some toxic tendencies he needs to sort through before he gets with ANYBODY.

Okay.

I am not sure what you want me to say? You are free to think how you want to think.

Did you ever consider that there are times where the writer's image and execution of a character won't be aligning with YOURS? It happens, you know. You've built up Azriel in your head to be a certain way. You saw him from the standpoint of SJM. That's how SHE imagines him. it doesn't fit your ideal. Okay. But she is not going to change it, to accommodate you or other people's views or desires.

Cassian and Nesta had all the banter, all the conversations, all the vows, all the promises in ACOWAR. Come ACOSF, half of you are considering him borderline abusive, unsupportive, and basically a fake mate and you are hoping to have her break the bond or for him to die.

I don't know what to tell you all.

Maybe SJM isn't for you?

Maybe her vision for the MMCs isn't the kind of MMC that some of you desire.

She always skirts the darker side of all MMCs. They are often extremely imperfect. Rowan punched Aelin in the face. Aedion threw Lysandra naked out into the snow. Rhys lied and deceived Feyre. Ruhn shot Lidia in the leg. I can't go on.

Again, maybe this has nothing to do with Azriel or Elriel, but everything to do with you as a reader? And you have a very different vision of who Azriel is, compared to SJM?

Maybe decide for yourself if you are willing to invest your time and energy in a book that features him as an MMC. Because the thing is, even if he ends up with someone else, Gwyn, Rhys's dead sister, Jurian, Eris--he won't change. This is SJM's vision of him. The ship wont change the essence of the character. So if you have a problem with the character, then either accept him or be disappointed.

Also, I stopped reading HOFAS because I was highly dissatisfied with the FMC and her actions and thoughts and behaviors. I also hated how the relationship between Bryce and Hunt was dealt with based on how SJM was writing her. So you know...I stopped reading. It is what it is. I won't like everything, and I am okay accepting that.

[miss-vanta-likes-to-write]

Revisiting this idea because I need to round it out. This intro text is orange so you already know it's J Price focused

John doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth and questions it. Instead, he looks at the angel in his and his boys' home and goes, "How can we keep her because the boys like her?".

He doesn't like her presence, but he likes that his boys seem calm and interested in her.

She has been a fixture in his home for two weeks, going on three now. He takes notice of how Simon follows her about like a specter. Always watching her and asking questions about people that have died, wanting to know if his own seat is reserved in hell. He notices how Johnny goes out of his way to ask questions about God, and each time, she squints her eyes at him. She isn't confused about the questions, but she is beholden to some rule about not speaking God's name or saying what they look like. Johnny normally shrugs and then starts asking questions that really stem from Catholic guilt, John has heard him ask once, "That time locked in the church confessional, am I going to hell for not telling Father Morris that I did kiss the boy on my football team?"

She had laughed at him and only pressed a kiss to his forehead, saying something about "You didn't commit a sin."

He is not sure what Kyle gets out of their angelic guest. Most of the time, he pulls her close to him and spends hours just holding her. Kyle is the one who most often enjoys her quiet company, and if he happens to sniffle and cry? Well, she makes no comment on it.

The vulnerability that he sees in his men scares him. It's why he doesn't go too near her. Her patience and sweetness seem to be easily corruptible. He would ruin her, sink his teeth into her body, and taste her. He is almost certain that angels help fight demons, and he knows he filled with them, and he doesn't ever really want to confront them. He's been in the military since he was 16. He's seen things, and he's done things, all terrible in nature. He's had to play God himself and decide if a civilian was worth more than his men who had people to go home to. He is not proud of hurting innocent people for the sake of taking down more egregious monsters that took advantage of innocent people.

He's got issues with how his mind is muddy with what's right and wrong. He still doesn't believe in a higher power. He never will after the life he's lived. He does believe in peace, though, a quiet life for him and his team. But back to the higher power thing, he can't believe in God even if proof is sitting in the living room being fascinated by the Angel Hierarchy Deep Dive that Soap put on to see if any of it is true.

John sits down in his recliner, lighting a cigar. He's halfway paying attention to the show. "Soap, why are you showing her this?"

Johnny grins at him, "Just wanna see how close we are! Not all of the books say the same thing."

The angel laughs, and it's music to John's ears, and he looks at her. Her wings are kept tucked close to her body, and the injured one is healing up nicely. His eyes trail down her body, and he knows it's wrong, but he isn't a blind man. He can appreciate her shapely legs, smooth skin, and her plump lips with the almost exaggerated cupids bow. He doesn't think it's all that bad, really. He's not the only one struggling with a soft body in the house.

(He's caught Simon hugging her close, his face pressed into her neck. Kyle, when he thinks nobody is paying attention, enjoys resting his head against her breast. Johnny really needs a muzzle because he kisses her all over her face, always just shy of placing one on her lips.)

"You'll die that way." Her soft voice cuts through the drawl of the telly. She is staring at him. "I know that is bad for humans."

Johnny laughs, "Aye, scolding tha man won't work, lassie." He nudges her with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"It still isn't good." She keeps her eyes on John, and he feels like she is staring right into his soul. "Why do that when you could just face your issues?"

To say he's shocked is an understatement. The ash from his cigar lands on his lap as he tries to figure out what to say. He doesn't smoke and drink from any issues. He happens to like it.

"Don't lie and say you like it. You humans do everything to feel numb except heal." She shakes her head.

"Aren't you just a ray of sunshine?" John finally bites out, "And if I do it to feel numb, it's not your problem or concern." His eye twitches a bit in irritation.

"You smoke the same brand your father smoked and drink the same whiskey he drank... He didn't make it to Heaven if-"

"Enough." John growls out. He hasn't had to think of that particular demon in years. Not since the man shot himself and left his mother destitute and with four kids to look after. He's a strong believer that he wouldn't have run off to the service if his old man just got his shit together.

Johnny is quietly stuck on the outside of the confrontation. "Bonnie Birdie." He whispers, "Let's not talk about that." He tries to get her attention back on the video. "What type of angel are you?"

She only smiles and shakes her head, "I am a being that does what they are told."

John only huffs and looks back at the telly.

It's a few hours later, when John finds himself in his office. He's going over work and papers that need to be turned into Kate. He wants his mind to leave the sad image of him finding his father slumped in the basement. The splatter of blood and brain matter, the limpness and somehow stiffness of the body. His poor mother could not even have an open casket or see her husband. John had made sure of it as the eldest and now man of the family. He had an undying need to protect his mother from the man even in death.

"Let me look at you, John." His mother said he had been avoiding her most of the week of the funeral. "You have his eyes, and I just want to see his eyes again."

Those words are forever engraved in his psyche. He left for the service nit even two weeks later and only sent home money to keep his family going. The office door opens, and it is Her. She stands there quietly with a tilt of her head.

"I didn't mean to upset you." She said quietly. She doesn’t avert her gaze and stares into his soul again.

"It's fine." He gruffs out.

She approaches him and makes herself at home by perching herself on his desk. Her nimble little fingers brush through her feathers as she grooms herself. "No it's not...you are still hurting."

He doesn't say anything and doesn't plan to.

"You are afraid of admitting your first ever transgression is you running away from your mother." It's said as a fact and not as a question.

His eyes snap up, and he's staring at her, all six of her eyes, and a few on her wings are open. It is a hellish vision but also gorgeous in a way. There are so many warm colors, and it feels like he's falling and floating, and he hates it. It's a struggle, but he does look away from her and breathes deeply.

"Your mother, she would love to see you or even hear from you." She says, and when John looks back at her, the extra eyes are gone. She leans towards him, and he feels frozen as her fingers brush through his hair. It's a familiar and greatly missed comfort that he hasn't had in a long time. The proximity between them both makes the heat in his body rise. Without thinking, he pulls her into his lap and holds on to her.

He won't take her advice today, but maybe some other time.

This got long and I got carried away. I'll do Kyle next! Also I added that video because it was the video that inspired this blog post

Sigh 😕 (changes font to bonnie Johnny blue)

Here's a thought. Fallen angel reader.

Johnny was surprised when he found her. He was taking out the trash, rolling the bins to the curb when he heard the sniffling. It was strange, how the security system didn't pick up on any movement. That was neither here nor there.

What was important was that it was freezing cold and there was a naked woman on the side of his house. She had wings on her back and one of them was bent at an odd angle, the scent of blood in the air. Those wings, he thought, were beautiful. They matched her skin tone, brown, and dispersed in them were a multitude of pretty colored feathers. Little trinkets and small gold chains hung from her ears.

"Hey- wot ye doin' behind me and mah mates' house ma'am?" Johnny is trying to look anywhere but at her heaving breast that shakes with her hysterical crying. He opts to stare at her eyes, and it's like looking into the universe. There's so much fire and color, but he's thrown off by the number of eyes. She's got all six of them trained on him. He startles, and she seems to realize it, and four of them close and disappear.

She hiccups and sniffles and cowers away from him. Her nose scrunches up, and she looks like she is thinking. Johnny looks her over again, and certain alarm bells ring in his head. He knows he needs to go inside and get the others, but he does not want to leave her so soon without taking her inside. Every time he inches closer, her body shivers and curls into herself.

"Donnae be afraid lassie." He whispers quietly, "I jus wanna help."

That seems to make her perk up, and she stares at him, wide and teary-eyed, her sniffles calming down. "Be not afraid?" Her voice is soft, "yeah, be not afraid." A bit of life comes back into her.

Johnny holds out his hand for her, and she takes it. A shiver slithers up his spine, it doesnt feel bad, but he does feel the change in the air. "Let's get ye inside lassie."

More ideas from my mind I guess as I flip through my wips and write. It would be the Catholic that finds the fallen angel. Like this would eat ngl. Like them trying to nurse an angel back to health and unfortunately that makes them face their inner demons.