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junepingu · 2 years ago

Text

Elvis x reader!

Warnings: sadness, m. of death, anxiety, fear of abandonment, mention of self harm, angst!

Story: You are locked at home, something is wrong, you dont feel the same...loved anymore....Elvis is some where outside and you are alone...

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"Found you when your heart was broke,

I filled your cup until it overflowed,

Took it so far to keep you close,

I was afraid to leave you on your own"

Tears were falling down your cheeks, lying on the bed hugging the pillow listening to this song that was like a friend to you,from the middle school this song was always there in your headphones, you wanted to fall in to a dark and deep hole and disappear from everyone and everything, you were sure that this day has been last more that it should have.

Your room was dark from the courtains that you closed after you returned home, your face was a mess, your makeup was now rolling down your cheeks and under your eyes, your ponytail was now soft , no longer on how at the beginning of the day.

"Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there,

Feeling so high but too far away to hold me,

You know I'm the one who put you up there,

Name in the sky,

Does it ever get lonely?"

You thought that maybe today would have been different from others, but, it didn't change anything, you felt anger and sadness in your body, you wanted to cry again and scream and punch the pillow, but it wouldn't help in any way.

You knew very well that the week would go on getting worse, you didn't want to leave the house anymore, you felt like crap, you didn't deserve to be in that bed. Thinking about it you don't know why you felt like this, everytime you were trying to relax or have fun, some intrusive thoughts crossed your mind like a fast falling star in the black and blue sky.

"y-you stupid... It's all your fault ... W-wha-what is wrong with you" you said to yourself, your voice was broken, another tear left your right eye, you couldn't even create sentences that you were broking more.

"Gave love 'bout a hundred tries,

Just running from the demons in your mind,

Then I took yours and made 'em mine,

I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind"

This sentece makes you bursting into tears,your demons in your mind were the love that you always gave to the wrong person, you always tried to give the best for your partner but it never return anything back, your lips were now crushing together to hide the horrible hiccups that you were doing, you tightened the pillow more and more trying to imagine someone who would be for you always, at that moment no one came to mind, you just tried not to think about how unlucky your life was...

"p-piece of sh-hit...." other curse words comes out your mouth, insulting you for something you didn't even know what it was, but you wanted to believe that the reason for your hatred and sadness life was your fault.

At some point the phone ring and you jump from the sound, you didn't want to answer, your legs were weak and your body was trembling, you didn't have the force to get up from the bed... After some rings there were silence, you thought that maybe the person that was now calling would leave you alone, you didn't want to deal with some shitty chats on the phone like "how are you?" "whats wrong with you, is everything fine?" "how's life been doing?" etc...

Your vision was now becoming blurry from all the tears that were falling down your eyes, your pillow was now all wet and your makeup was now splattered on the pillow, youre lips were trembling, all youre body was shaking, and more you listen to the lyrics of the Song and more the thought to slap and bit yourself for just existing was growing.

At some point your mind began to wander through the memories, one of them in particular happened a week ago, it was the week when Elvis had just left and you then stayed alone at home, obviously you did not expect to suffer so much his lack but in a way you were also very happy for him because he had left the city to go and record one of his new piece, You were really very happy for him because you had helped him from the beginning to overcome the insicuritues that sometimes he had and for sure you state close to him.

In the following days it happened that you were coming back from school when at a certain point one of the popular girls approaches you and starts to disturb you, you obviously knew what they wanted to tell you so you tried to walk faster, but that was not enough to stop them so they approaches "hy! But how are you! What a randomness to see both after School! Anyway I don't want to rush things and say something that maybe I should not say but... I heard that someone has left you" she said with a cocky tone you in that moment were very perplexed because you did not know what she was talking about, she saw your interogative expression and showed you a journal to show you the "proof".

It was a photo of Elvis and a girl who are kissing on it, So you at that moment already knowing very well what were the intentions of the girls were so you immediately said "I know what you want to do! stop immediatelyand leave me alone! you are just jealous..." she does not make you finish talking and continues "you know I do not quite catch how it is possible that a boy like him has managed to find a girl like you.. I mean look at him..." this quotes hits you so hard, back then and even now... You didn't want to stay and listen to a fan girl that was just crazy over someone....

The quote burn in your head for all the weak, but you didn't know that it was not the only thing that would have been difficult, two days before you started to be bullied at school, you were just trying to take notes and learn new things but the popular's girls and other people started to tormenting you obviously because you were his girlfriend.. They always try to teased you, you ran and ran away but every day that passed it was more difficult to overcome the thing, your life was becoming hell.

You tried so many Times to call Elvis, trying to reach for comfort but.. No one ever answered the phone, and more the days passed and more your thoughts became more heavy.

Why he never called me back then..

What he's doing right now..

You started think that maybe it was your fault if he started to date someone else...you weren't sure about that but the photos were evidente enough... Maybe you were not enough, you were not worthy

you are not.

The bruises you had on your legs and belly were just the beginning... It was all becoming too much.

All of a sudden the phone ringed again, you stare at the direction were the phone was lying, you decide then to got up and slowly put yourself up a bit, you could feel the pain in your neck and your back, your troath was screaming pain for all the scream you had before, you pull yourself up slowly place on the sheets the headphones and start walking to respond the phone, you arrived in front of it and didn't know what to do, you stare at the cornet for a little and then your pale hand just moves, picked up and put the telephone near your ear , you didnt respond immediatly you just wait a little, your breath was now forcing to stay normal,it was sheaky your palms were now all wet for the sweat, then you heard on the other line somone.

"y/n? Y/n are you there honey?" you heard a familiar voice, a deep and gentle voice tone was now speaking "y/n! If you are there please answer me!" the boy said trying to get an answer from you, you remained silent staring at the void, your eyes began to get wet again and turn red, you didn't want to hear him, not him....you didn't answer him.

"baby please! Im here now! What's wrong? What's gotten in to you those days? Im so worried about you!" he said with a presumibly worried tone, you scoffed at that phrase and finally spoke "worried...mh..." he seem so happy that you answered "oh god thank you! You are here! I missed you so much hon-" you didn't let him finish the sentence that you scream at him "DON'T!" you could feel the troath that was now closing without saliva and felt the pain increase, there were a moment of silent before his response "honey?....what's wrong why are you-" he said "i. Said...." you take a big sigh "d-on't call me... Pet names..." you answered with your trembling voice, he was shocked from your reaction, he didn't realize what was happening and he was worried about you, but you didn't know that "listen Elvis.. I don't want to talk or... Even see you understand? Im not feeling good right now and i really dont want no one with me..." he than respond immediatly "what? Oh baby don't be like this plea-" "I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT, I HATE THAT! just stop trying to make it like you care about me because all you ever have done was just caring about that stupid carrier of yours and never AND I SAY NEVER GAVE A DAMN ABOUT ME...." you started crying, tears were falling down like waterfalls and your voice was now cracking " i-i was... I-... Oh god.... " silence from the other part of the phone, you wanted to end your life right there in that moment" i-i never wanted something like this... I never did something bad to the world and i think... I don't deserve this kind of relationship... Maybe i am the wrong one here, maybe i deserve all this hate.... I don't know... I-i geniually don't have the idea why i-i..im like this.! .." your voice was now all high and hiccups... Your face was all red for the pain of your troath and for your tears..." you... Left me Elvis, i was so happy about you that i geniually didn't care about the long distante between is but, i heard.... Some rumors.... About you... An-and i j-just....didn't expect that, that's all" he realized what you were talking about because for his job he had to do so many works with other people, and most of them were girls...he started talk again "No no! Y/n i swear is not like that! It was only for work really!" he tried to explain but you didn't want to listen, weren't able anymore to talk and all he could hear was you crying and screaming, your knees get weaker and you fall to your knees, a tumb was heard from the other side of the call.

"i-i don' know... I-i just wanted to be loved and... And all i recived was nothing!...i-Im sorry i - if i did something wrong! I-i didn't mean too..." he remain silent, no words cane out of his mouth, he was just pissed with himself, all the words that wanted to tell you in that moment were now vanished from his mind, he wanted to tell you how much he missed you because... He loved you... His job was so messed up and uncontrollable that he had to stay away from you for so long, it never happened before, he didn't imagine such a thing, now hearing your cold and hurted words he just wanted to beat himself hard until he let the blood out of his temples, he never wanted such a thing to happen...

"y/n....believe me please, i didn't do anything.. And all you saw is just some stupid journalist that like to create new story even if they're not real.. Please, i would never do such a thing to you.. A-and" you could hear his voice trembling, his jaw narrow and tried to speak up " i didn' t know 'bout all of that...'m so sorry i wasn't there... You should have called me y' know.." he said "should have called you? Are-are you joking?" you said with all the air in your lungs "i-i tried so many Times Elvis but you weren't there... YOU WEREN'T THERE, EVEN FOR ONE CALL! So stop saying bullshit because we all know how it is..." you said with a cold and angry tone, your words were shiny and sharp as a knife.

Before he could respond after you calmed a bit yourself, took deep breath you finally spoke "I-i think... Elvis i think i better go now, maybe you are right, maybe it was just my imagination..." there was a time if silence of you too and then you chuckle a bit "you know... I always thought that one day i would be loved and for the first time i was just happy and all but, i think i was just stupid and egoista to think something like that... Maybe i dont deserve anything of This.... Maybe..." after that you said something that made chills ran down his spine "maybe i don't deserve this life..."

What you were talking about, he thought for a second and you continue ".... Thank you for everything Elvis .. I loved you..." you were breaking up with him, with your voice that was now all high and crucked you then didn't even listen to what he was saying that you end up the call.

You, on your knees, staring at nothing, tears that were still falling down your cheeks, your life now ended in a second, one call changed your life upside down... You got up weakly, trying to Sand with your hands on the wall and the start walking towards the bed, you fall on it and in a minute you were sleeping. All your life you had imagined finding a person who was always by your side, you were lucky enough to find Elvis, but going on with time as much as you could be close to him it seemed that he was moving away from you, all your memories with him were now just a black cloud that went away like a long rainy day that now disappeared.

That Magic sparkle that was growing in the beginning was now only a hole, a big hole in your heart.

you know that you wouldn't get up from that bed for a long time.

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Hi guys i hope you like this, in This period i dont feel so good, I wanted to represent the situation a bit, i hope there aren't much grammar error, let me know if you want a continue or if you have an idea for a next story, love you! ❤️

#elvis presley #elvis x reader #elvis imagine #elvis #artists on tumblr #elvis history #hot daddy #elvis presley x y/n #elvis presley x reader #sadnees #i'm sad #tw depressing stuff #i love him #Spotify

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ghostbustermelanieking · 4 years ago

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67 for the kiss prompts 👀

of course it's another safehouse fic! warning for some self-loathing on the parts of jon and martin.

67. When One Stops The Kiss To Whisper “I’m Sorry, Are You Sure You-” And They Answer By Kissing Them More.

Jon's on the phone with Basira in the other room. Martin can hear the rise and fall of his voice through the walls. He halfway wishes he'd said yes to Jon's offer to put her on speaker—he wants to know how bad it is. Wants to know exactly how badly he fucked up when he followed Peter into those tunnels (in more than just the obvious ways).

Jon's said it wasn't his fault. Said that this morning, over the eggs he'd scrambled on a whim that were going cold on Martin's plate, covering Martin's hand with his: "It wasn't your fault, Martin. It wasn't. I-it wasn't even just the Not-Sasha, it… Trevor and Julia…" And then he'd stopped, a pained expression on his face, and Martin knew he wasn't the only one feeling guilty for everything that happened at the Panopticon the day before.

The reality of Jon being here is still so new, so strange, after not talking for months, for a year, what with the coma, and the Lonely… Martin doesn't think he ever even had Jon to his flat before this; he thinks he suggested it once, after a drink one night, if Jon wanted to come back and have some tea, and Jon had politely said no, thank you, with a look in his eyes that made Martin think maybe he was thinking about all the kidnappings. So, yes, this is the first time Jon's ever been here. After months of silence, months of Martin talking himself out of going down the hall and talking to Jon, telling Jon how glad he was that he's alive, how sorry he was that he couldn't stay, how much he hated this, every bit of it… After it all, Jon came for him. Peter's dead, and there's no reason for them to stay away now.

It's a relief, beyond what Martin will ever be able to articulate, but it's still strange, after all this time. Waking up in his bed to find Jon lying on the other side, stiff and tentative under the covers. To find Jon in the kitchen after a shower, making eggs and tea. To have Jon halfway holding his hand. Even after everything—after that period before the Unknowing where they were really sort of friends… this is surreal in a way Martin can't really explain.

Jon had actually held his hand all the way out of the Lonely, all the way back to his flat. Had reached for it over the expanse of Martin's mattress and held on. Martin doesn't remember him letting go. He doesn't remember ever wanting him to. It's a good surreal, he thinks. It's good.

Jon comes out of the kitchen, now, his hand clutched around his phone, his face grim. Martin startles a little, his hands clenching together in his lap. "H-how was it?" he says. "Is it… d-do they have any sign of…" (Basira had filled them in on Daisy last night.)

"No, no, no sign." Jon sighs a little. Sits down on the couch beside Martin, so close their knees bump together. He doesn't meet Martin's eyes.

Martin feels a habitual lump of worry rise in his throat. "You can tell me, Jon," he says, in case Jon is trying to shield him somehow. "It's… it's bad, isn't it?"

"I… yeah. Yeah, it's not good." Jon looks at him finally, his expression suggesting that’s all he’s going to say, like he’s going to try and protect Martin no matter what Martin says. “Basira… Basira says they’ll blame me,” he adds. “Again. She says they were already asking questions, they… sh-she said they’ll be looking for me again.”

" What? " Martin's aware his voice sounds insulted, and he is, on Jon's behalf, framed again for murders he didn't commit. (Well. Jon did kill Peter, but. Martin's not mourning that, not at all, he deserved it, and Peter isolated himself enough that the police shouldn't be looking for him. And the thought of Jon being blamed again for something he didn't even do…) "You didn't do anything, h-how can they blame you?"

Jon laughs a little, quiet bitterness in there. "It's easy. A-and it is my fault, sort of. I'm the one who antagonized Julia and Trevor. I'm the one who… who kept that stupid table, and then destroyed it and let that thing out. I'm the one who…" He stops. Winces, shakes his head a little. "I-it doesn't matter," he says. "Basira's sure they'll blame me. She says I need to get out of London."

Martin latches onto that, his heart leaping in his throat. Maybe he has no right to be this concerned, considering he's holed himself up for months, ignoring Jon and working with Peter for a plan that didn't even do anything —but he can't help but panic at the idea of Jon leaving again, going somewhere else, somewhere where they can't keep him safe… Not that Jon isn't entirely self-sufficient, he's been fine all this time, he's saved Martin, and not that Martin's been doing a good job at all, considering everything, Jon came into the Lonely because of him and could've just as easily been lost, and it would've been his fault. But after everything… America, Ny-Alesund, the Unknowing, every time Jon went somewhere and Martin didn't, and something horrible happened, and Martin just…

He tries to force the panic out of his voice, tries to speak levelly when he says, "Leave… leave London? And go where? "

"Scotland, apparently. Daisy has a safehouse that she… that she obviously won't be doing, and Basira said…" Jon swallows hard, looks away. "Well, she said I should leave right away. She said she would bring me the key here, and I should leave on the next train."

"Oh," says Martin. A part of him is nearly shouting, Don't go, don't leave me here, but this is ridiculous, Jon has to go, and he can't ask… not after everything Jon's done… (But he doesn't want Jon to leave, he doesn't want to be alone again.) "I… y-yeah. Yeah, that's best," he says, because he can't, and he'd rather have Jon alive and somewhere else than arrested or dead, again, and his throat is closing up a little. "If they're looking for you, you should leave as soon as possible."

"Right," says Jon. "Right, a-and I would…" He's staring down at his hands, intently, like he's trying to find answers in the lines of his palms. Martin is thinking absently that he does that, too, and isn't it funny how many habits he and Jon share that he's never realized, when Jon looks up abruptly. He's got an expression that's almost shy on his face; he says, "I-I was wondering if you'd like to come with me."

They're quiet for a moment.. Martin's staring; he thinks he definitely might be staring. His mouth might be hanging open. Jon starts talking again, too fast and stammering and anxious: "O-obviously if you don't want to, th-there's no obligation, of course, i-it's just that I… well, I haven't seen you for such a long time, Martin, and w-we just started talking again, and I… I thought you might want t-to get out of here, maybe, the Institute, it's… and I don't want you to be alo—"

Martin kisses him. Leans forward, just like that, and abruptly kisses Jon, cutting him off mid-sentence. Jon makes a little sound, a punched-out gasp, and his hand moves up, resting suddenly against Martin's jaw.

It takes a moment for Martin to fully connect his actions— Jon just asked me to go to Scotland and You just kissed him —and he pulls away abruptly. "I-I'm sorry," he says wildly, thinking I should've asked, thinking Martin, you idiot, just because he followed you into the Lonely doesn't mean he wants to…

Jon's looking at him. His eyes are dark and wet and full of some emotion Martin can't place, and he's just looking at him. His hand is still on Martin's jaw, his fingers warm against Martin's chilly skin. Martin's eyes dart to the side—to Jon's fingers, his bitten nails, resting against Martin's cheek—and then back to Jon. "I'm sorry," he says again, and Jon shakes his head, just a little. Rubs a thumb over Martin's cheek.

The gesture is enough to make Martin want to break. Just shatter in a dozen little pieces inside. He's not sure what to say��his brain, wildly grasping, comes up with, "Are you sure you—" And Jon leans forward, just as abruptly as Martin did, and kisses him again. Kisses him gently, sweetly, with a sort of underlying desperation that sounds like it did in the Lonely last night. We need you. I need you. His hands are still on Martin's face.

Martin makes a little sound of shock. Fumbles up with shaking hands to cover Jon's hand with his, to grasp it gently and desperately (the way Jon is kissing him) and not let go. Not this time.

Jon's the one to pull away, first, just far enough to rest his forehead against Martin's. He laughs a little, nervous energy, and doesn't let go of Martin's hand. "You don't need to apologize, Martin, you…" He laughs again, quietly. "I'm very sure. I am. I've been wanting to do that for… quite a long time."

"Oh," Martin says faintly, his thumb tracing the line of Jon's palm. "You have?"

Jon nods, his forehead thunking lightly against Martin's with the motion. Martin chuckles. "Me… me, too."

"Oh," Jon says softly. He squeezes Martin's hand.

Martin looks down at their joined hands (on his knee, now), leaning into Jon a little. (Just a little.). "Yes," he says, and there is no tremble, no hint of hesitation in his voice. He's sure about this, maybe the surest he's been in a long time. "Yes, I'll go to Scotland with you."

#I WROTE FINALLY #tma fic #jonmartin #scottish safe house #the magnus archives #i wrote this

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maraudersbutmuggle · 3 years ago

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Friends like them

Content Warning: Gender Dysphoria and Depression. On Remus' sixteenth birthday, actually weeks before, The Marauders had been distant and secretive. Remus knew they were hiding something, he wasn't an idiot. Of course, Remus' mind immediately went to the wrong place. He obviously thought he had done something wrong. Maybe he wasn't good enough to be in their group, despite what Sirius said. And Sirius... He hadn't left Remus' mind. Remus noticed things he didn't notice before. Like they way Sirius ran his hands through his hair. The dimples that appeared in his cheeks when he laughed too hard. How bright his blue eyes were, and deep like an ocean. Probably it was because Remus and Sirius had spent more time together these few months. James and Peter were busy with girlfriends and activities. And Sirius had found company in Remus. "You're Golden, Moony" he said one time after he had laughed too hard about something Remus had commented. Perhaps, Remus had a crush. A crush with Fucking Sirius Black. The most handsome lad at Hogwarts and his best friend. And right now, Sirius, actually all the boys made excuses not to hang out with Remus. What a nice birthday, Remus. Remus had a nice dinner with the girls. Lily, who he had been close with for his prefect duties, acted like a mum with him. And seeing The Marauders were nowhere to be found, the girls dragged Remus to sit with them. Remus didn't know what it was about him that made the girls laugh. He liked them. But they were not his friends. Where the fuck were they? Remus climbed to his dorm after dinner, really pissed. He would not talk with the boys for a week. Probably yell at them. Probably cried until he fell asleep. "SURPRISE!!" But apparently The Marauders had a plan. "What the fuck?" Remus snapped, mainly because he was shocked. The Marauders had decorated the dorm. Balloons everywhere. A big cake was in the middle of the room. HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMU. It read. "Sorry, Moony. I ran out of icing for the S" Peter explained. "I..." "Sweet sixteen, gorgeous" James beamed "They say sixteen is the year when you become wiser" "True" Sirius smirked "Just look at me" "And it doesn't work for everyone, apparently," James said. Sirius threw him a balloon. "Ouch..." "I thought you had forgotten, assholes" Remus snapped "You disappeared all day!" "Did you just insult us?" Sirius gasped "Sorry, I am still processing my anger" Remus smiled "Is that chocolate?" he asked pointed to the cake. "Triple chocolate" Peter smirked proudly. "You're forgiven, Wormy" "What about us?" James pouted Remus bit his lip to avoid smiling. "What did you do?" "You're just using us" Sirius shook his head "What are friends for?" Remus said "Besides Mary was talking for an hour about a rash she has in the..." "Okay, that's my girlfriend" James interrupted, then he smiled "Pads give him the present" "I was joking you know" "Sh..shh..." Sirius' smile was priceless as he gave Remus the box. Remus couldn't avoid smiling too. Sirius' smile was beautiful. His teeth were all white, his lips were red and wet.... "What is it?" Remus asked "You didn't have to give me anything" "Shut up and open it" James said "It was too difficult to find" Peter explained as Remus opened the box "We have to order it from Japan..." "Japan?" "And then we have to go to Hogsmeade to receive the package and..." "Shush, Wormy" Sirius interrupted "It was worth it. Remus is going to love it" Remus tried to ignore his blush. He liked that Sirius knew what he liked. Remus finally opened the box, and when he saw its contents, his smile disappeared. It was a binder. Like the ones that Poppy had explained. The ones to help Remus hide his breasts. Remus never even thought about buying one. They were expensive and they were difficult to find. "Now you can use that instead of your bandages" Sirius said rubbing his neck, he was embarrassed. "Pads said that is something you would need" James raised an eyebrow. Remus turned to look at Sirius. Sirius smiled. He could've kissed him.

But he couldn't move. He was speechless. "Tell him about the other thing" Peter said to James James showed Remus his mischievous smirk. "We were thinking..." he started "About your surgery... I mean" "Prongs..." Remus wanted to protest that he didn't need their money, That this was enough. That he was forever grateful. But he couldn't speak. "I know you said you didn't want our money" Sirius interrupted. "But we were thinking of a way of gathering it. I can sell my drawings. A lot of people ask me too. I mean I am a genius and I can sell a lot" "Sutil" Peter scoffed. "I am" Sirius shrugged, and winked at Remus. He wanted to say that Sirius' drawings were beautiful. He was talented. But Remus was speechless. "And I can sell a bunch of my things. Things that I don't use" James explained walking to his bed and retrieving something under his bed "My great uncle always sends me the same shoes. Christmas, birthdays. I have like five pairs. These are Nike, you see?" "Those are so cool, can I have a pair?" Peter said "Wormy..." Sirius protested "Sorry" he smiled at Remus "And I can sell my pastries and desserts, Sirius even suggested to put weed in them" "I didn't suggest such a thing!" Sirius gasped "Though it would work" "No one is putting weed anywhere" James tutted "Yes, mum" "Yeah my pastries are good as they are, thank you very much" "Yeah, so Remus, you can tutor students and do their homework for them" James continued "I heard Rivens ask you five times" "Rivens is a dickhead" "That way he can all cooperate and put the money in this little box" Peter explained showing Remus the box. It was a little box with the shape of boobs. "Kyle, my mum's new boyfriend, found it funny to send me this for my birthday" Peter added "What the fuck..." Sirius murmured "Peter..." James gasped "That's not appropriate" "Oh, sorry Remus, I didn't mean to offend you" Peter blushed. That was it. Remus cracked up laughing. He laughed so hard that he held his tummy in protest. The Marauders laughed with him. And then suddenly, Remus started crying. He covered his face immediately. "Moony?..." James asked Sirius ran to hug Remus. He felt his heart beating fast as he perceived Sirius' cologne. "Oh no... I'm sorry, Remus. I'll throw the box away..." "No, Wormy" Remus sniffed and wiped his nose. He smiled "I don't know what I did to deserve friends like you..." he cried again "Thank you... Thank you so much. Best Birthday ever. I love you guys" James and Peter joined in the hug. They hugged tightly. "We love you too, Moony" Sirius whispered. Remus fancied him. Remus fancied him so much. Remus had strong feelings for Sirius. He was screw. "Can we eat the chocolate cake now?" Remus said after a while. "I thought you never asked" James smiled. As James and Peter cut the cake, Remus couldn't avoid staring at Sirius. Now with new eyes. Sirius smiled, winking. His heart jumped in his chest. Fuck. Butterflies. "So... a boobs box?" Remus asked Peter, mainly to change the subject. "I'm glad that is useful" Peter shrugged The Marauders laughed. They laughed all night in fact. And Remus couldn't be more happy. Best Birthday Ever.

#marauders #marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #trans remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #james potter #peter pettigrew #trans rights

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jemmahazelnut · 3 years ago

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Two broken hearts with matching sides - Chapter 4

Summary: Freed and Laxus were inseparable friends, they always spent their days together ever since they were children, so much so that they were considered indivisible. That’s why everyone was surprised when during the last year of high school, the two boys no longer spoke a word from one day to the next. That’s why everyone was surprised when Freed left for Germany and Laxus knew nothing about it. After three years the two will be forced to see each other again, and for a period to live under the same roof. [Freed/Laxus]

Link: AO3

Here you can find Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three.

Jealousy

It was eight o'clock in the evening when the doorbell rang and Laxus heard someone coming to open the door. He just hoped it wasn't Freed, but it was very likely, as Bickslow wasn't there and Evergreen was in the bathroom. The girl always stayed there for hours, he doubted she had finished yet. The blond threw a look in the mirror, finished fixing his hair with the gel and then left the room.

Of course it was Freed who had opened the door and made Rufus sit in. The two obviously made an effort to have a polite conversation, but they all knew there was no good blood between them. Freed and Rufus had never gotten along in high school, they had always clashed over everything, probably because of their similar characters. But that certainly wasn't the reason Laxus had decided to go out with him, although it would’ve been satisfying to piss off Freed.

“Hi Laxus,” Rufus smiled as soon as he saw him and Laxus forced himself to look at him and not Freed. It was the best idea, to go out and get distracted with someone. If that someone was Rufus, so much the better. Maybe he’d even have a little fun. Indeed, certainly, since the blond seemed to have an interest in him.

“Hey, I'll take my coat and I'm ready,” he said.

“I made reservations at the Sabertooth, I hope it’s fine,” Rufus said. Laxus nodded as he grabbed his coat.

“Perfect,” he said as he slipped it on. Then his eyes wandered to Freed, but the boy didn't seem interested in their date. Why would he have to be, after all? Freed wasn't interested in him. With some nervousness Laxus walked to the door, running a hand on Rufus' back and pushing him out. What had he been thinking? To make Freed jealous? To piss him off? Freed had never been interested in him, better stick it in his head once and for all.

“Have a good evening,” Freed told them coldly.

“Thank you,” Rufus replied with a smile as Laxus closed the door without deigning to greet him. Have a good evening. The asshole. Why the hell was he still so interested in what Freed thought? He was fucking pathetic.

“I knew Freed was back, but I didn't think he was living with you,” Rufus commented as they started down the stairs.

“He can't find another apartment,” the blond replied dryly, hoping that he too wouldn’t start over with the same old story. He was starting to get tired of what people said, or what people thought. He could see curiosity in everyone's eyes. Rufus was no exception, and he was looking at him hoping to find something.

“Was there ever something between you two?” he asked. Laxus looked at him in surprise and felt the tension in his arms. Of all the people who had tried to figure out why they had drifted away, none had ever come this close.

“Where does the idea come from?” he asked him. Rufus shrugged.

“You were always together,” he just explained. Laxus found himself once again unable to argue.

“No, we were just friends,” he replied. It wasn't a lie. They were really just friends. Friends who kissed when they were drunk and who found themselves with their hands in each other's pants. Friends who rolled around in bed when his grandfather wasn't there, who drank just to have an excuse to take off their clothes. But still just friends.

“And now why don't you talk to each other anymore?” Rufus asked. Laxus gave him a dirty look.

“Our fucking business,” he replied irritably. Luckily Rufus asked nothing more and luckily the evening went on better than it had begun.

***

“Where’s Laxus?” Evergreen asked as she came out of the bathroom and left a trail of perfume behind her. Her hair was tied up in a turban and a few drops still ran down her face.

Freed was sitting on the sofa and he was pretending to find an apartment to stay in. He pretended, yes, because he didn't really want to leave there. He wanted to talk to Laxus again, and only there could he find any excuse to do so. Too bad he hadn't succeeded yet. He wasn't a coward, just, talking to the blond was difficult. Besides, he still hadn't quite decided what to tell him. Which was stupid, he'd had three fucking years to think about it.

“Out to dinner with Rufus,” he replied, hoping his annoyance wouldn't be felt. Fortunately, however, in those years he had created a neutral tone to talk with, so that his emotions didn’t leak out. And luckily her friend no longer knew him as well as she once did.

“Oh,” Evergreen said in surprise.

“I didn't know he was going out with the boys,” Freed commented keeping his gaze fixed on the computer, so as not to reveal his jealousy. Besides, senseless jealousy. He wasn't Laxus’ boyfriend, the blond had probably dated a lot of other guys in those three years, and besides, it didn't make sense to be jealous after three fucking years. Despite this, Freed found himself seething with rage. Of all the guys Laxus could date, with Rufus. That first-rate asshole Freed never got along with.

“He’s gay, shortly after you left, he came out” said the girl “I thought you knew” she added with a surprised and inquiring tone at the same time. Freed stared at the computer, refusing to look away.

He obviously knew. He and Laxus had kissed. Many times. They had touched. More and more times. They had never had sex but still, they had become very intimate. But it was all theirs, their secret, something they had never talked about, something Laxus had refused to talk about. Something Laxus apparently had forgotten. Because obviously alcohol made you forget things, especially if they were uncomfortable things to remember.

“I didn't know” he lied to her and closed the computer with a dry gesture. He got up and went to his room, telling Evergreen that he wasn't going to have dinner.

***

He couldn't sleep. He kept tossing and turning in bed without being able to close his eyes. Every time he did it, he remembered the old days, the way he and Laxus had fun. The way they hid from external eyes to kiss, to run their hands over each other.

Freed turned in the mattress, struggling to push those damned memories out of his mind. Why did he have to get lost in the past like that? Maybe instead of standing there hoping he and Laxus could talk, he'd better leave. Maybe he should’ve returned to Germany.

He closed his eyes wondering why he had returned to Magnolia. The university was just an excuse, he had done it on purpose to see his old friend again. But what was the use if he couldn't even talk to him? What was the point if Laxus had never been interested in him?

He heard the front door open and something fall to the ground. Laughter and chatter. Freed was instantly irritated. Laxus had returned and was with Rufus. He didn't understand what they were saying, but they didn't try too hard to keep quiet. In fact, they seemed to be enjoying making as much noise as possible. To let everyone know that they had fucked, that they had fun and that they’d probably do it again on the sofa in the living room.

At that awareness Freed's anger escalated even more. For years Laxus had refused to talk about what was between them, for years Freed had kept his secret and hadn't forced him to say anything, and now he was fucking quietly without worrying about being overheard with that asshole Rufus? How the hell he allowed himself.

Freed got up from the bed pissed off, ignoring the voice in his head that was telling him he was screwing up, that he wasn't Laxus's boyfriend, that he had no right to be jealous, that he didn't have to demand anything from him, especially after having escaped to Germany. But he didn't care. He needed to let off steam, and luckily for him there were two assholes on the other side of the wall who deserved to put up with all his wrath.

He went into the living room and saw the two boys making out near the door. The urge to punch both of them ran by the arms, but the two broke away realizing that someone had entered.

“Uh, sorry Freed, did we wake you up?” Rufus asked with ruffled hair.

“Yes,” the boy growled, this time not bothering not to show his annoyance. He just wanted to insult them both, and maybe get the image of those two with their lips together out of his mind. “You're making a terrible mess, you'll wake everyone up,” he snapped.

“Put on some fucking headphones and go,” Laxus snapped, and Freed felt the urge to punch him again.

“No. He leaves. It's not his home and people are trying to sleep here,” he growled.

“Um... well, I really would go,” Rufus said noticing the air was blowing. He greeted Laxus with a sloppy kiss and left the apartment, under Freed's furious gaze. He was holding back, but he wouldn't be surprised if he walked through the door just to punch Rufus.

“What the hell is your problem, huh?” Laxus snapped as soon as they were alone. Freed was about to answer but the blond, obviously drunk, raised his voice. “This isn't even your apartment, you can't kick people out of the house!” he exclaimed.

“Well, I sleep here and pay the rent and the bills,” Freed answered between his teeth. “I think I’ve the right to sleep in peace without having to hear two drunks fucking in the living room.”

“No, you don't have it,” Laxus snapped, advancing towards him “You're a fucking scrounger, you're only here because Bickslow and Evergreen have pitied you, but since you arrived you've been making their lives worse. They can't stand you anymore. To tell the truth, nobody can stand you anymore. You should go back to Germany to your dear daddy and have your asshole cleaned, as you’re used to…”

The punch hit Laxus in the cheek without Freed even realizing it. His arm had gone off on its own, and he didn't feel guilty at all seeing the blond stagger slightly. To tell the truth, he felt a little better. He was beginning to repay the asshole for all the pain he had endured because of him.

Laxus turned to him, pushed Freed against the wall and a cabinet toppled to the floor. The flowerpot above broke into a thousand pieces but neither of them cared. Laxus punched him in the face and Freed gasped for a moment. He recovered quickly and was about to beat him again but at that moment the corridor light went on, and the two turned to see Evergreen and Bickslow.

“What the hell are you doing?” snapped the girl.

“Our fucking business,” Laxus replied immediately, then grinned, taking a step away from Freed. “Indeed, they’re your business too. This is all thanks to you, you’re happy to have us reunited now, right?” he asked furiously.

“You fucking idiot,” Evergreen growled as she stepped forward. Freed ran his palm over his jaw. Damn, Laxus had hurt him.

“Shit whore,” Laxus spat. “You organized all this, only because you’re not able to do your own fucking business. Next time maybe you'll learn not to get in the middle of my life” he growled at her.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Evergreen yelled. “And here the assholes are you two. You can't even talk to each other civilly. But you're right, I was wrong to get in the way of your relationship. Go ahead and beat yourself up, but get it out of this apartment, because I won't take care of you two!” she blurted out.

“Oh, nowyou understand,” Laxus commented scornfully. Evergreen gave him a dirty look. Bickslow stepped in the middle.

“Ok, you've been drinking. Let's calm down and let's all go to sleep, huh?” he asked.

“And pretend nothing happened? Well, let's keep pretending that everything’s fine and it's not his fault.” Laxus growled pointing at Freed. The boy remained silent. “Why don't you tell him how bad you were left when he left without even warning you? Why don't you tell him what an asshole he was to go live with his rich daddy without even a fucking goodbye?” he blurted out.

“Laxus, you’re drunk. We better talk about it tomorrow,” Bickslow said trying to calm down. Evergreen ran her hands over her temples in exasperation. Neither of them had denied what Laxus had said, however, and Freed felt himself sinking. Why the hell had he gone back to Magnolia? He had been a fool. He passed Laxus and went to the door.

“Hey, where are you going?” Bickslow asked.

“Laxus is right. None of you want me here,” he replied, opening the door.

“Freed” Evergreen tried to say but her voice was obscured by Laxus's.

“Yes, go away. It's the only thing you can do!” he barked. Freed closed the door behind him as he heard Laxus' screams still in his ears.

***

Alcohol flowed into his body but Freed was grateful for it. It was only thanks to that that he could take refuge in a corner of the room and kiss Laxus. Feeling his hands on him, his lips on him, on his neck, all over his skin.

Laxus's fingers ran up his torso until they reached his belt and pulled it down. Freed moaned as he felt his hand disappear under his boxers and sat astride Laxus, kissing him madly and pulling his hair lightly. Good heavens, he hadn't thought a kiss would end like this.

Kissing at every party, at every hangover. Drinking and then locking himself up somewhere with his friend to make out and touch each other. He liked it so much, he didn't want to get out of there anymore, he didn't want that moment to end.

Freed pulled up his friend's shirt, but at that moment he heard someone knock on the door. Freed and Laxus broke apart, panting and red in the face. They didn't answer and the handle went down, but luckily the two had locked the door.

“Who's in here? Hell, why the fuck did you lock the door!” it was the voice of Cana. Freed jumped off Laxus' legs and buttoned his pants, while Laxus adjusted his shirt and stood up. When they were both presentable the blond opened the door.

“Oh, it's you two. What were you doing locked up?” asked the curious girl and Freed felt himself blush. A mischievous smile appeared on the brunette's face. “Were you fucking?”

“Don't bullshit, we were smoking weed,” Laxus snarled right away. Cana's eyes widened.

“What?” she asked stunned. Freed didn't dare say anything, fearing that whatever came out of his lips would make the situation worse.

“Don't tell anyone,” the blond growled and then left the room. Freed followed him carefully avoiding the gaze of the girl, who still looked at them in shock. Laxus was practically running down the stairs and Freed was following him, until he rolled over and hit him. He feared that Laxus would push him away, but instead the blonde held him straight.

“Hey, are you okay?” he whispered. Freed nodded vigorously.

“Yes,” he said in a whisper, feeling the warmth envelop him again. Obviously Laxus wouldn't push him away, he liked him. Good heavens, Laxus liked him. Even if it only happened when they were drunk, it meant something, right? It meant that Laxus liked him at least a little. More than a little, considering what his friend had done to him. Considering what Laxus had achieved with his hands. He tried not to think about it so as not to make the situation worse in his pants, which were already quite tight.

“Let's get out of here,” Laxus said and dragged him out of the Cana’s house. Freed didn't object, he honestly couldn't wait to be alone with Laxus. The two went out and hid behind a tree in the garden. As soon as they were there, Laxus pulled him towards him, taking his face in his hands and kissing him intensely. Freed instantly reciprocated, clinging to his shoulders and feeling his heart explode with joy again.

“It's our secret, okay?” Laxus asked as they pulled apart. Freed quickly nodded. Anything, just to spend more evenings like this with Laxus. He was about to ask him if he liked him, if it could be more, but Laxus kissed him again, preventing him from speaking. And after all, why did Freed have to complicate things? They enjoyed themselves, and even if they only did it when they drank, that was just fine with him. That just meant he’d get drunk more often.

#fraxus #fanfiction #laxus dreyar #freed justine #freed x laxus

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helsaguy · 4 years ago

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This is getting annoying, Frozen 2 is not a bad movie, it’s actually good, how dare you to insult a very hard work of this sequel, you have to respect the opinion of Anna being the queen, not hating their parents and I’m sure there will be a tv show when Hans does get redem, please stop the negative against Frozen 2

I’d say this has gotten annoying a very long time ago.

Excuse me but I had to laugh a little upon reading “it’s actually good”. I laughed just a little bit, Dani. I didn’t laugh at you, I laughed at such statement.

How dare I? What hard work are you talking about? The only ones I can imagine must have worked hard on this awful sequel are the animators. And I don't think I ever said anything negative about them. Its animation may be the only improvement I see in F2, but not even that justifies this atrocity as being “an actually good” movie. About the directors, producers, and writers I'm going to complain all I want and feel like to because they did a sh*tty job and I have to let my anger out. This is my blog and I can do that if and when I want to.

You like this movie, obviously. And I'm not saying anything negative about you for liking a movie I find incredibly insulting. I respect that you and others like this thing and I'm not going to those people's blogs and write to them "Hey! Stop liking this film because I think it's a bad film!" Also, if you find my complains annoying; which I have every right to express in MY blog; I think you have three options:

If you're following this blog, you are more than welcome to unfollow it. Because if I feel like venting my anger against Frozen 2 and/or its directors in posts in here, I will.

Block this blog if you consider it necessary to your peace of mind.

All of the above.

I assure you I'll understand and I won't be offended or sad, or anything. Come on.

Hmm... I don’t think I have to respect anything that comes from the very same people that had treated their own franchise and its characters like garbage. Yes, I hate the treatment of my favorite characters. But in general they made fools and idiots out of every character in the sequel. They also came up with the worst stories and plot points I have ever seen in a Disney sequel. And what I hate the most is how much this sequel treats what its predecessor established as if it doesn't matter at all. I mean, the way they did it was so blatantly stupid (I'm so mad thinking about it that I can't think of a better word) A clear demonstration of how “intelligent” Disney thinks its audience is. I can totally confirm I enjoy Pocahontas 2 and The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 more than this F2. And I think you and I both know the majority of the Disney fandom isn’t that fond of the sequels I just mentioned XD Although I didn’t enjoy F2 at all to begin with. So I don’t know if my example even counts.

I don’t care much if Anna is queen or not. I still think it is a very bad set plot idea that, again, came out of nowhere. But if that gets Elsa out of a kingdom full of hypocrites, I can deal with that I guess. As for the parents? This is where I stand firm in my conviction that those two are the worst characters I’ve ever suffered in a Disney movie, EVER. I never hated Disney characters in my life. Any Disney character. Until I met Elsa and Anna’s parents. I hate the trolls too, but because of what they tried to do in F2 with those two, oh boy. I can’t tell you how much I hate those characters. Nothing you or anyone says will ever change my mind about that. And I don’t know why I’m going to write this next part, but here goes:

The other day I saw a post, it was a gif set of Disney girls with their fathers. It was really nice and cute, I was smiling at it as I saw all the girls happily with their dads. Ariel getting the flower on Triton’s hair, Belle encouraging Maurice to not give up on his invention, Tiana as a child happy with her dad, all very nice pictures that put a smile on my face. Moana was there too navigating with her father. And then I saw a gif of little Elsa and Anna getting to bed while their father told them a story; or I don’t know what the hell was he actually doing in that scene. But oh my God the disgust in my face was unbelievable, you won’t believe it. My first thought was “What is this gif doing here?!” I was going to reblog that gif set till I saw that one. So I just didn’t think it twice and kept scrolling.

“I’m sure there will be a tv show when Hans does get redem,” What, Dani? Again with commentary that wants to make me laugh? I used to be a dreamer and think one day Lee and Buck would treat Hans with respect. I had the wonderful hope that Disney would redeem Hans IN A WELL WRITTEN SEQUEL. I waited patiently 7 years. I gave the directors the benefit of the doubt when I still thought Frozen was the best Disney animated musical since The Lion King. I trusted in Santino Fontana’s words that the writers contacted him because they wanted to bring him back in Frozen 2 and redeem him. I thought it would be nice a Frozen animated series telling exciting adventures, showing family moments, and giving Hans his much deserved story of atonement and redemption. And what happened in the end? What the actual f*ck happened after all these years? Do you want to tell me? Or do I have to explain it for the one hundred times in this blog?

Dani. You are a sweet, and lovely, and nice girl. I had the pleasure of meeting you all those years ago when Frozen was new, and fresh, and exciting. So much I think you are such a nice person that you are one of the few I ever draw something for them. And I hope your dreams will come true. I hope you get to work hard to make them all happen to you (is that from the lyrics of I’m Almost There in Princess and the Frog? O_o Whatever, it's a great song) But please. Please. Don’t come to ME saying “I’m sure there will be a tv show when Hans does get redem,” Because like many memes say: I’M TOO OLD FOR THAT SH*T.

Disney was the company that made me believe dreams come true. The company and one of the things that kept my inner kid alive, happy, joyful, hopeful. And Disney is the same company that took all of that inside of me and tosses it aside. Every time I wrote in posts that what has happened in 2019 killed a part of me. I was not lying or exaggerating. I was happy before 2019. Or as happy as I could be. I had dreams and hopes. I have none of that anymore. So if you still have something that makes you happy, take it with you and live it however you can. Because others won’t care. That’s what Disney has left me with.

#i don't care how long this is #i don't care if this is stupid #i don't care anymore #am i depressed? maybe #screw this company #frozen 2 who?#hg answers

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phoenix-downer · 5 years ago

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Hello! I haven't played KH III yet but I plan to. I have come across some really hateful posts on tumblr and even twitter about Sora and Kairi being together. It appears some people are really upset that Sora and Riku didn't become a thing and have downplayed Sora x Kairi's relationship as something as forced and not having chemistry. I had no idea this was even a thing. Can you tell me where this hostility came from? I thought it was obvious that they had feelings for each other.

Hello! Thanks for the ask! There’s a lot to examine here, but I’ll do my best to try to tackle the whole issue with tact and empathy. Light/very vague spoilers for K/H/3, E/ndgame, and F/M/A follow (with slashes so they hopefully don’t show up in the tags).

First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve stumbled across those kinds of tweets and posts. If I could, I’d shield everyone from having to deal with such hatred and negativity about something they enjoy. Doesn’t matter what you ship; no one deserves to deal with that level of toxicity.

Imagine going into a room and hearing people talk loudly about something you love, talk about how much they hate it and how much it sucks. Doesn’t make you feel very welcome, does it? But that’s exactly what’s happening here - you’re not the only one who’s noticed this. I have had to block or mute so many people because of the kind of bashing you describe. People purposely tagging their hate so that fans can see it, saying nasty things and picking fights in a way that makes you wonder what they get out of being so cruel and vicious.

I’ve seen it so much that I’m extra sensitive to it now too; I block much more quickly than I did in the past. And I would advise other people to do the same. You don’t owe anyone access to your social media. They’re not entitled to your time or energy, either. You don’t owe it to them to read their hate. By blocking them, you take away part of their audience, you take away their attention. And the thing is, they want that attention. They want to make other people angry and miserable because they’re angry and miserable. And you don’t have to give them the satisfaction.

Sadly, because twitter and tumblr have such poor moderation, no one running these sites is doing much to stop these people. In fact, the platforms even encourage that kind of behavior, because the loudest people get the most attention. So that encourages and emboldens the kind of nasty behavior you’re seeing.

Now, this is not to say there is never room for criticism, because there is, but that is a very different thing from what you’re describing, which is plain old bashing. Criticism and critique are offered in the hope that something will improve; bashing is done to express pure vitriol, and it isn’t productive for anyone. It might feel good in the moment, but in the end it just leaves people bitter and empty.

There are plenty of people critiquing K/H and how the games went and how the various character arcs unfolded and how the relationships developed, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Shutting down all criticism isn’t healthy; it should be allowed and encouraged, as constructive criticism leads to healthy dialogue, both with other fans and with S/quare E/nix. And Square has listened to fans in the past; they’ve fixed issues with gameplay that occurred when 1.5 and 2.5 were ported to the PS4 and converted to 60 fps, for example.

Neither is there anything wrong with venting to a close friend in a private setting - DMs, PMs, on your personal blog or twitter account with the ship you’re criticizing censored somehow so that everyone who likes it doesn’t have to stumble across your venting. Heaven knows I’ve had to vent a lot to stay in the fandom without lashing out. The issue is when someone thinks it’s okay to force their anger and negativity onto other people who don’t want to see it or hear it.

So the question is, why are we stumbling across such strong feelings? Because it’s clear people feel pretty strongly about all this.

I don’t think there’s an easy answer as to why this is happening, but I’ll take a shot at explaining what might’ve happened all the same. I’m sure if you asked someone else, they might give you a different answer, and it’s worth getting multiple perspectives. This is just my two cents, and naturally, it’s going to be biased towards my experiences and preferences.

The shipwars in the K/ingdom H/earts fandom have been nasty for years. From what I can gather, they got really bad when KH2 was released, though I’m sure there was probably drama before then. S*kai fans and S*riku fans did not see eye to eye on how that game went, and it’s all been downhill ever since. People on both sides have been mean and nasty, I’ve seen them be nasty, hurling insults and slurs and accusing each other of awful things to the point that the question of “who started it” is pretty much moot at this point. A more productive question would be, “how can we end it and get along, or at least start treating each other better?”

Now, since I ship S*kai (obviously), I’ll share why this is such a touchy subject for me personally. I’ve been in fandom for a while now, and something I’ve noticed is just how much fans tend to hate female characters because of sexism and internalized misogyny.

I was in the M/C/U fandom before this, and Sh*ron’s actress got death threats around the time C/ivil W/ar came out from angry shippers. And then P*ggy’s actress has likewise been harassed after E/ndgame came out by, again, angry shippers. I was a big F/M/A fan back in the day, and W*nry got so much hate from, you guessed it, angry shippers. I remember a friend back then rolling her eyes and bashing W*nry, and when I asked her why she hated her, she couldn’t really give me a clear answer other than that she was “whiny.”

Heaven forbid a female character not be completely perfect.

Over and over, I saw this pattern repeating. A female character gets hate because there is a popular alternate pairing that she “gets in the way of.” Even before I had the vocabulary to talk about it, the hatred just struck me as very gendered. I never saw that level of hatred for any of the male characters unless they were written to be hated (hello Shou T*cker). And I was likewise harsher on female characters than on their male counterparts. It took me years to realize what I was doing and to try to put a stop to it.

So then I came to the K/ingdom H/earts fandom with all that background and baggage, dealing with years of people hating characters I liked and looked up to and identified with, and I saw the same thing happening again. Yet another female character getting nasty hate because of her gender, because she dared to like a boy who was shipped with another boy. Because she dared to fall in love. How dare she have feelings, how dare she be feminine, how dare she wear pink and have a flowery Keyblade. How dare her strength of heart be stronger than her physical strength. There is only one kind of strength that matters, and it’s how hard you can kick someone’s ass (wrong, wrong, wrong, and one look at the whole power of friendship thing this series revolves around would tell you that).

How dare K*iri not be an instant expert at fighting, which is cruel and ironic because if she was an instant expert at fighting, everyone would be crying Mary Sue. How dare she sass and tease S*ra, she’s such a bitch. Oh, she doesn’t tease him as much in K/H/3 and is more gentle and supportive because he’s going through hell and nearly loses everything and she knows he needs her support now more than ever? She’s a complete pushover!

See what I mean by how hard people are on female characters? K*iri can’t win no matter what she does. She could have the best character arc ever post K/H/3 and people would still find something to complain about. That’s not to say I don’t have issues with how she’s written, I just think the criticisms against her tend to be way overblown. There aren’t enough discussions about how she could improve moving forward (though I have seen them, and thank you to those of you who do have them!), instead people just write her off completely as useless and worthless and want to improve her character by… dropping her out of the story completely (and yes, I’ve run into someone who actually thought this would be a good thing and always felt the need to talk about it, and it absolutely drove me up the wall).

And worst of all, she can’t win because S*ra fell in love with her. Really, it’s ironic that she gets as much hate as she does for something S*ra did. She had no control over S*ra falling in love with her, and yet she is absolutely despised by people because he did. She isn’t “good enough” for him apparently, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

I share all this to explain why I was so sensitive to the issue coming in. I saw the same thing happening I’d experienced time and again and I was so exhausted. So tired of it. I didn’t want to deal with it again, and I was on my guard right from the start. Especially because it’s so normalized in online KH communities to bash K*iri and S*kai. The major ones, too, with lots of people and a wide range of (or lack thereof) of shipping preferences, not just dedicated shipping groups. Try to go an entire discussion without seeing it come up… it’s a lot harder than you might think.

At first I tried to be patient and understanding. Other people have different tastes, and I wanted to be understanding of that. But after years of watching the bashing happen, my patience ran thin. I was sick of seeing it enabled in major K/H communities, sick of seeing mods refuse to put a stop to it, or worse, low-key join in with the bashing, sick of having to put up with so much negativity when all I wanted was somewhere to discuss something I enjoyed. Some people seemed almost gleeful, almost eager in their bashing; any time K*iri was brought up, they felt compelled to express their hatred for her. They were more obsessed with her than her actual fans were; felt more passionately (albeit negatively) about S*kai than some actual S*kai shippers did.

When I reached that point, the point where I was tempted to be negative and snappy and rude, I knew I couldn’t engage with certain people anymore. So I stopped trying. I searched for S*kai fans here on tumblr and stuck with them. I didn’t want to add to an already tense situation, and thankfully, there are other people who feel the same way (but more on that later).

And on the S*riku side of things, some of them have shared that they have been told nasty homophobic things for shipping S*riku. And for many of them, I’m sure S*riku is a way of expressing their identity, a way of exploring their feelings and expressing them in a safe, welcoming way with fellow fans who get what they’re going through. Representation has gotten better in recent years (though it still has a long way to go), but back when the K/H games were first coming out, things were different, and people had to take what they could get from canon and run with it if they wanted to see more content that represented them.

I’ve also seen a few people say that certain S*kai fans went out of their way to message them and rub what happened in K/H/3 in their faces. That kind of gloating is bound to upset anyone, yikes. Canon has become the new gold standard for shipping in the last decade or so, and it has sadly been weaponized in the ever-nastier ship wars, when really, a ship’s value shouldn’t be based on how “canon” it is but on the joy it brings to people.

So yeah, we have a situation where enough people on both sides were treating others poorly that everyone got defensive, because how could you not when people keep attacking something you love, especially if you feel strongly about it/associate it with your identity? And that made people more likely to lash out, and when they did, people got even more defensive, and the cycle repeated, over and over and over again.

And you know how I mentioned I sought refuge with likeminded fans? I think that happened all over the fandom. People seek out those who will support them and support their beliefs and form identities and communities based around them… and that’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, it’s great to get so much support, especially if you’re seeking refuge from a particularly nasty ship war. Having a safe place to vent and unwind and finally get to talk about what you love without fear of getting hate over it is awesome.

On the other hand, things like echo chambers, confirmation bias, groupthink, and the false consensus effect flourish in those kinds of situations. If all you hear is that XYZ pairing must be canon or will be canon in a future game from the group of people you’ve surrounded yourself with, and everyone enthusiastically agrees because everyone ships the same thing you do and of course no one is going to rain on that parade, it can come as quite a shock when a new piece of canon comes out and doesn’t align to your expectations. Especially if you’ve spent years expecting canon to align with your expectations.

We lose something when we can’t engage in healthy dialogue with people who disagree with us. Our perceptions get warped, our memories might even get warped, and what we could’ve sworn was canon… we might be surprised to see wasn’t, when we revisit the source material with a more critical eye or listen to someone who sees things differently than we do.

But how can we have that healthy dialogue when there’s been so much bad blood? How can we listen to each other when there’s no trust? It’s nearly impossible, so instead we reinforce the beliefs and ideas our own communities already hold fast to, and the cycle continues. We draw lines in the sand separating “us” vs. “them” and don’t give each other a chance. Not only does this alienate people on opposite ends of the shipping spectrum, it also alienates multishippers because they’re considered “traitors” to both sides, and that is an uncomfortable place to be.

I think that’s why you find the whole thing so jarring. I’m guessing you might not be as heavily involved with the fandom as I am, and have thus been largely immune from the perils of echo chambers and confirmation bias. So for you it must seem really weird that something that seems clear to you is so contentious to other people. I don’t say this to throw shade at anyone, because I know the same thing would’ve happened if the pairings had gotten switched around. It’s more of an observation of a phenomenon I’ve seen happen over and over again throughout the years.

So all of that is to say, things are tense because of all these backgrounds and experiences and histories people bring into the fandom. No one exists in a vacuum, and things were already tense before K/H/3 even came out. K/ingdom H/earts has been such an important part of many people’s lives and growing up experiences that they feel a deep connection to it and almost a sense of ownership of it. It’s a shared story, a shared experience. It belongs to all of us, in a way, and yet it’s still N*mura’s baby.

And that’s where we run into more issues. How much say should fans have in a work of art? Does the creator get the final say in interpretation, or should she accept that once her creation has been released into the world, it’s up to other people to interpret what she meant? There are no easy answers to these kinds of questions, and they’re widely debated and discussed (see: the whole death of the author debacle).

However, while I think feeling a sense of ownership and investment in a piece of art is totally fine, it crosses the line when it gets into the realm of entitlement. By this I do not mean asking for more representation, because that is a perfectly good thing to ask for; I mean demanding that the creators cater to your whims… or else. I mean contacting people who worked on the game on twitter and demanding they change the story to make it “right.” I mean directly telling one of the VAs you want her replaced because you thought she did a bad job. And yes, I am talking about actual stuff I’ve seen happen in this very fandom. All of that has also left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and other people I’ve talked to have felt the same.

That being said, shipping in and of itself is not the problem. For every nasty tweet and bashing post out there, there are plenty of kind and good people who are just there to enjoy their ships. Lovely artists and talented writers and skilled gif makers and editors creating a wealth of beautiful content for something they love. People who would never harass others for their shipping preferences and are disgusted by those who do. Unfortunately, they’re not the ones getting the attention, and they’re probably not the ones you’re going to run into if you ship a different ship, as they tend to stick to their own spaces out of courtesy and respect.

This means that the people you are more likely to run into are the ones who want to pick fights. The ones who bash and stir up drama and tell people to kill themselves for shipping XYZ. While there are plenty of people being cruel and nasty and toxic, there are good people in the fandom too. Kind, caring people who will see you as a person first and not an XYZ, even if they don’t agree with you on everything. They’re quiet(er), because kindness isn’t usually flashy and showy, but they’re here. You just have to know how to find them.

Thanks for the ask! I tried to answer this as fairly as I could, based on my observations and things I’ve been stewing over for a while now, so I hope it sheds more light on the situation.

#answer #kagome1991 #long post #i don't usually participate in the discourseTM but these thoughts have been on my mind for a while and I wanted to get them written out #kh discourse #kh3 spoilers #fma spoilers #endgame spoilers #no super heavy spoilers or anything I'm just tagging them to be safe

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butweareafamily · 4 years ago

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♤ Has your muse developed to be different from their canon selves through roleplay?

Naturally there are some pre-enstablished differences between canon Emma and my Emma, like her response to what happens to her that isn’t limited by outside needs - she doesn’t need to get along with her parents as quickly as in the show, the show has to make it happen before twenty seasons have passed, because it has to end within a few years and have a satisfactory arc for Emma where she learns more and more. She doesn’t need to get along with Regina because unlike in the show, where there is a cast and contracts are involved, Regina doesn’t have to be part of their lives and have an arc where she must become part of the family. And so on.

However, while I didn’t get to rp much with her yet because the blog is relatively new, I had a clear idea of how she’d feel about things considering her personality, what happened to her in the past and what she deals with, her traumas and defensive mechanisms and I was surprised anyway. -Emma is more bitter/almost jealous or envious depending on what one means with those words, than I expected her to be. Those are not ways I naturally have to respond to similar things so I didn’t see it coming, but when in character I realized she could only feel that way. Emma is NOT a saint, she has been unfairly mistreated, abandoned, betrayed and insulted plenty times in her lives and she was pretty much always alone, she’s not experienced enough to be emotionally mature at all times, so she doesn’t need the Dark One’s darkness to, for example, feel the unfairness of Henry comparing her to Regina over lying to him about his father’s death, even though she obviously understands where he’s coming from, that he’s only eleven, and that she feels guilty about it, and it’s very human to be like ‘oh sure, when she makes one effort not to kill people we drop the evil in her name, when I make a mistake feeling like I have no other choices I must grovel’. And she is not less of a good person if, when chilling with her mother, she points out that for someone who wanted to kill her the second she thought she may simply exist in Henry’s life and leaving town wouldn’t be enough, Regina sure was quick to tell Henry she didn’t want to see him while upset. Even if she feels bad about it, Liam judging her that harshly in the Underworld is something that makes her plenty resentful too. And so on. She is also often aware of it and embarrassed when it’s directed to people that she feels don’t deserve it. -Emma has a childlike and therefore extra strong ability to bond with people that don’t naturally make her walls come up, like Henry. She’s very determined to treat him like the child he is, not an adult, and not make him grown up too fast if she can help it because she wants him to have what she couldn’t, but she also believes so much in him and is incredibly grateful for the love he makes her feel and that he gives back. -she’s more willing to bring up things that piss her off than I expected. Not when it feels like she’s begging for love, obviously, but when someone or something else is upsetting her. Which thinking about it is normal for her, why should she have learned to not salt about people who deserve it? And when, and for what reason? It’s already enough that she knows not to do it when Henry is there if it’s about people Henry cares for. With other adults she’s less experienced and therefore less mindful of their feelings even if, obviously, it’s a case by case situation.

#fairestmusesofthemall #answers #about emma

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wildshadowtamer · 5 years ago

Text

Relax, Stay Calm and Breathe

I made my first creepypasta story! It includes Kagekao, Puppeteer & Zachary, Seed Eater, Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack and Dr.Smiley! (my version)

No real warnings other than a bit of angst and a tiny bit of shipping at the end.

I put translations for Kagekao so you can understand, keep in mind I used a translator so the translations are probably off but I have the English versions of what he meant to say next to it so excuse any mistakes!

Kagekao by Jinbeizamezama, Puppeteer and Zachary by BleedingHeartworks and ‘Dr Smiley’ (original, not my fanon ver) by KotoriOtome.

"これは楽しいゲームです！" (This is a fun game!) Kagekao spoke, his mask grinning happily, "Kage, nobody understands what you're saying" Puppeteer commented, sitting in his string hammock lazily, making Painter look away from his painting. "don't be so harsh, Puppet, he's a Japanese demon, give him a break." He added in, re-adjusting his mask and clearing his throat before continuing with his 'art.' "I could give him a surgery~!" Smiley chimed, Puppeteer rolled his eyes "Smiley, nobody wants a surgery from you.'' he remarked snarkily, making Kagekao's mask frown "そんなに失礼なことはありません！" (don't be so rude!) He complained, nudging Puppeteer a bit, who turned around and smacked Kagekao in the face.

"HEY!" Painter dropped his brush and ran over to Puppeteer, dragging him back as Smiley helped Kagekao to his foot, who fell when he got hit. "What's your problem!?" Painter exclaimed, forcing Puppeteer to turn around and look at him, he crossed his arms and looked away "He deserved it, f-" Painter put a hand to the Puppeteers mouth "Don't." he warned, the other glared, swatted his hand away and stormed off.

Painter quickly helped Smile comfort Kagekao, who was quite surprised and shaken up from getting attacked. "Are you okay?" He asked in a quiet tone, Kage hugged him tightly and started visibly shaking, Smile shot a concerned look at Painter, who sighed and started rubbing Kage's back "It's okay." He hushed, holding the scared demon to his chest.

"I've never seen Puppet act like that, you think he's...uh" Smile did a swirl motion with his finger against his head, Painter shrugged "Maybe, he's never been a stable one, that's for sure." He mumbled, not wanting to raise his voice too much "Help me calm Kage down first, then we can talk to him. I got his Puppet's numbers so I'll call them later" He explained simply, Smile nodded, and the two of them started walking the shaky demon back to Painter's house.

About an Hour later... "Finally, he's asleep" Painter muttered, Smile sighed with relief and sat on the edge of the bed where Kagekao was now asleep "By the way, we never shared names, right?" He mentioned, Painter sat down next to him and nodded "Guess not." There was a short pause before Painter got up and stood in front of Smile, who also got his feet "We should start with formal introductions."Painter held out a hand "My name's Helen, Helen Otis" Smile took his hand and shook it gladly "Devin, Devin Grin" He introduced himself, both spent a moment shaking hands before putting their hands back into their pockets and glancing around awkwardly.

"Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, we should probably go find Puppeteer." Painter, or rather, Helen spoke up after an awkward minute, Devin cleared his throat and nodded, adjusting his grinning mask. "You said you have Zach's number?" He asked Helen, who nodded "Yup, Zach gave me his number in case Puppet got mad, and we needed help." He explained simply, grabbing his phone from the nightstand and dialling who Devin presumed to be Zachary.

"Hey, Zachary, yup, Puppeteer got mad. We dunno, Can you help? Yeah?" Great, thanks, see you in 10." Helen spoke on the phone for a minute before putting it down and nodding "He should be round in a few minutes, For now, we should get some food. It's been a few hours since I last ate." Both nodded and, after checking Kagekao once more, headed into the surprisingly normal apartment that Helen was living in "Wow, this place is so...normal" Devin seemed surprised at this, seeing as how weird the other two rooms in said apartment was, "Mhm, a nice little place in a calm little town, great for covering up your tracks."

"What'd you want?" Helen asked once they approached the kitchen, Devin shrugged "What'd you fancy?" He asked half-jokingly, Painter nodded before entering the curtained kitchen "Take a seat, make yourself at home!" He called over his shoulder to Devin. Smile looked around and laid on the fine satin couch after kicking off his shoes, not wanting to be impolite, Helen, after a few minutes, came back out with a tray of toast and two cups "Tea?" He asked, placing the tray on the coffee table. "Oh uh yeah sure" Devin adjusted his seating, so he wasn't taking up the whole couch, taking a slice of toast and pulling down his mask "So uh...why are you being so..." Smile trailed off, unable to find any non-insulting word. "Normal?" Painter asked, removing his mask and taking a sip of the probably scalding-hot tea, Devin flinched "Uh, yeah."

Painter chuckled and placed the cup down "Because I'm sick of being seen as a weirdo, a...a freak, y'know?" He sighed, Smile nodded and wiped his mouth "I get it. I'm just not really used to being treated like an actual person and not a..." He trailed off "....creepypasta" They synced, Devin took a deep breath before continuing eating, letting Painter vent.

and He did, for about 20 minutes before there was a knock on the door "Oh, coming!" Helen chimed, getting up and answering it "Hey Zachary, nice to see you!" He spoke to the out of view Proxy, presumably making small talk, but Devin was too focused on the weirdly calm feeling the apartment gave him, he didn't trust it yet he felt so...human. "Hey Doc, I got Puppet's location" Zachary sat down next to him "Ugh, just call me Smile." Devin groaned, not wanting to be known by his name by anyone but Helen, as he trusted him, despite the unusual calmness.

"So, he's about 40 minutes away, Slender's forest, I think," Zach explained, flexing his bruised and slightly bloody hand subconsciously, as a doctor, Smile couldn't help but worry. "Right, how are we going to get there? I'm certainly not going on foot." Smile asked, relaxing a bit when Painter sat down too "Well, Jeff said he'll drive us since he has a car." Zach explained, adjusting the strap of his mask, both boys sighed with relief "Well, at least We didn't get Masky." Painter joked, putting his mask back on, Smile suppressed a chuckle as he put his mask back over his mouth.

"So, how long is he gonna be?" He asked, Zach checked his phone "Knowing Jeff and his care for road safety laws, about 10 minutes." He stated, Painter snickered and nodded "Yup, sounds like Jeff." He joked, so for another 10 minutes, they chatted about Kagekao and his state until they heard the roar of Jeff's engine

"Speaking of, that sounds like him" Zach commented, getting up and gesturing for the boys to follow "Wait, what about-" Painter began "Rake will take care of him, don't worry," Zach answered, already heading down the stairs to the ground floor "Sup!" Jeff signalled them over from his car, blood red with black and white stripes going down the hood and (convertible) roof, he obviously had the hood down and was wearing sunglasses, which Zach rolled his eyes at. "Yeah yeah, jeff, we get it, you're sooo cool with your 1970s convertible," Zach remarked, which made Painter laugh, who jumped in the back seat. "Zach gets shotgun!" Jeff exclaimed as Smile got in and did his seat belt, to which he noticed Jeff wasn't wearing his.

"Jeff, you're going to get yourself killed if you're not careful." He commented bluntly, Jeff waved him off without even looking at him "Yeah whatever, let's just get back to the mansion, Me and Ben are gonna be playing video games later, and I'm not missing it!" He laughed and stepped fully on the pedal, Smile shook his head and muttered: "We're gonna die."

"Wait, Aren't we gonna take 40 minutes anyway?" Painter asked, Jeff thought for a moment and grinned "ROAD SAFETY LAWS PREPARE TO BE IGNORED!" He yelled, somehow going even faster "how long have you wanted to quote that show?" Zach asked in a monotone, nearly emotionless voice "YEARS." Jeff laughed and whooped as they sped past traffic.

About 20 minutes later, after some singing from Jeff and Painter (much to the embarrassment of Zach and Smile) and psycho driving, they arrived at the mansion's parking lot. Which, in reality, was an old dirt clearing Slendy cleared out a while back. Painter laughed "WE GOTTA DO THAT AGAIN!" He yelled with enthusiasm "HELL YEAH!" Jeff responded with the same bat-sh*t crazy enthusiasm. "And we are never doing that again," Zach said in the same flat voice as he usually has "Agreed" Smile mumbled, his heart going so fast he genuinely thought he was dead for a bit.

"Let's just go find Puppet." Zach sighed and got out, Smile and the other two following, Jeff hurried ahead "Im'a go, Cya punks!" He called back over his shoulder as he ran off in the direction of the mansion. Smile sighed "That guy is gonna be the death of himself with those kinds of driving methods." He muttered under his breath, Painter whined "Aw you two are no fun!" he complained, leaning against Smile. He blushed and put an arm around the Painter's waist subconsciously, Zach rolled his eyes "Get a room you two." He remarked flatly.

Painter snickered while Smile went several shades of red before pulling his hand away, crossing his arms and quickening his pace "Ugh shut up!" He elbowed Zachary in the ribs and sighed with annoyance "Where is he anyway? You said you knew where he was." He groaned, glancing at the dark seemingly endless forest "Calm down and stop complaining, I got it," Zach said, his flat tone getting weirdly uncomfortable, he lead them deep into the woods, a part Smile swore he'd never even heard of before. "what the hell is that." He asked suddenly, stopping in his path, Zach stopped and glanced to where Smile was looking: a huge brown and greyish-green beast laid a few feet away from them, listening to The Puppeteer vent "....I think that's the seed eater, Jack's new pet, it eats kids." Zach explained bluntly, Painter visibly shuddered, and Smile gave a look of horror and disgust at the creature. "Well, I guess we found Puppeteer," Zach added, whistling loudly to get their attention, Seed Eater jumped to its feet and snarled, Puppet whipped its side with his strings and glared at his Proxy angrily.

"Zach. Why are they here?" He spat, venom in his voice "They were worried you might hurt someone...or yourself." Zach mumbled the last part quietly, Puppet scoffed "Yeah right, they couldn't care less about me!" He snarled, tears obviously staining his face "Then why have you been crying?" Zach stated flatly, gesturing to the water stains on his Boss's cheeks. Puppet stumbled over his words, sputtered and looked away "I HAVE NOT" he declared angrily, obviously trying not to tear up again "I-I'M A DEADLY PHANTOM THAT SHOULD BE FEARED, I CANT FEEL SADNESS." He tried to yell, his voice noticeably shaky, as well as himself as he started to shake. "Hey, it's okay, you don't need to-" Painter tried to approach, but Puppeteer backed away "NO GET AWAY FROM ME! D-DONT T-TOUCH ME!" He backed himself up to a tree and crouched down, starting to cry uncontrollably. Painter ignored his threat and slowly approached him, kneeling down and putting a hand on his shoulder, Puppet froze and looked up at him, golden tears down his cheeks "It's okay, we won't hurt you." He reassured the crying ghost, who was in his physical form now and trying to hide his crying, to little success "I-i'm not...c-crying..." He sobbed, stifling his sobs into his arms as he hugged his knees shakily "hey now, come here, I got you" Painter kept his voice level and full of understanding, no pity or hate at all.

Smile sat down next to Puppeteer and put an arm around him quietly, rubbing his back. "What'd he say?" Zach asked Seed Eater, who replied in a language neither of the boys understood, but he nodded along and thanked the beast, who returned the action and disappeared into the woods. "It's alright Boss, you can cry. Your not weak" He tried to put on a warm tone, but it didn't really work "I-i'm...sorry...I'm sorry." Puppet apologised, shaking his head, Painter held him in his arms and hushed him quietly "It's okay, everyone's fine, nobody's hurt." Painter reassured his friend, rubbing circles into his back comfortingly "C'mon, let's get you home." He muttered, looking to Zach, who nodded and ripped a paper off one of the trees.

A tall, pale, faceless figure appeared, Zach nodded when the figure glanced at him, despite not having a face, and kneeled down to the four of them "Thank you" It told Painter, then teleported the four boys back to Painter's apartment.

----------------- In the Apartment... Rake sat on the dresser, watching Kagekao silently, hunched over and occasionally glancing out the window, he dropped to the floor and crawled over to the bed, stroking the side of Kagekao's mask. "Good demon." he rasped, his voice light-toned but quiet enough for him to strain his voice.

Kage woke up and groaned at the sight of Rake "ここはどこ？" (Where am I?" He asked, unsure of Rake's Japanese "Paint's" It responded simply, not really speaking much of any language. "画家？彼はどこにいますか？" (Painter? Where is he?) Kage asked, turning on his back and sitting up, patting his mask a bit to check it's still on "Find Puppet" Rake rasped again, both of them jumping at the loud swearing yell that came from the living room, both of them fell out the bed. "Found him" Rake commented, shaking his head as he struggled to get up. "マザーファッカー..." Kage swore, stumbling to his feet and clearing his voice "このゲームはそれほど楽しいものではありません" (this game is not so much fun) He commented, rubbing his head painfully ----------- Zach fell face-first into the floor when they got teleported, he swore loudly, and an audible thud came from upstairs "I think they're awake..." Smile mumbled, helping Painter and Puppet to the couch "There there, I got you" Painter mumbled to him, holding him on the sofa softly.

"静かにしてください。あなたは私を起こした。" (please be quieter, you woke me up.) Kagekao requested as he made his way downstairs, adjusting his mask and scarf "Hey Kage, sorry, Zach fell." Smile explained simply, letting Kage sit down "You feeling better? Need a checkup?" He asked, Kage shook his head and yawned "いいえ、大丈夫です。" (no, it's okay.) He told the doctor, glancing at Puppet, his mask frowned. "He's fine, just a bit shaken and emotional, we'll put him to bed in a bit" Zach commented, rubbing his mask painfully "Sorry I woke you," He said flatly, unable to really put sympathy in his voice.

"さて、私たちは食べることができますか？私はお腹が空いています。" (well, can we eat? I'm starving.) Kage requested, Smile nodded and went off to grab some food from the kitchen, Puppet's sobbing stopped a few minutes later, and he eventually passed out. "I'll put him to bed, I got a spare room." Painter got up and carried the sleeping ghost to presumably the spare room, Kage, Smile and Zach sat and talked while he did so. ---------- [Painter's POV] I kneeled on the bedside and laid Puppet down, he was surprisingly light for a passed out body. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair before getting up, but he grabbed onto my arm and pulled me back to the bed "Wh-?" Puppet hugged me in his sleep, mumbling something about loving me in his sleep, I blushed and shrugged. "Oh well, I'm tired anyway." I yawned, stroking his hair softly as we both curled up and I soon fell asleep.

[Kagekao's POV] I can sense a calming aura coming off one of the rooms in the apartment, it's been a few minutes after Painter put Puppet to sleep, so I presume he also fell asleep. Smile yawned and rubbed his eyes tiredly, a sleepy aura coming off him "Tired so soon?" I ask, probably in Japanese for them, luckily he and Zach can understand me. "It's been a long day, Kage. I'm gonna sleep in his bed, you coming?" He requests, I nod and get up, glancing at Zach, who shakes his head, "No thanks, I have to get home before Emra realises we're both gone." He explains, I nod and follow Smile up the stairs into the room I was just sleeping in, Rake isn't there anymore....shame.

"Well, Today was certainly eventful." Smile comments, taking off his doctor coat, tie and mask "I slept through most of it." I joke, removing my scarf. "What, aren't you gonna take your mask off?" Smile frowns, gesturing to my mask. I freeze and gulp, rubbing the back of my neck nervously "Uh well..." I begin "I'm a demon, not really...comfortable taking off the mask." I explain to the best of my abilities, still in fluent Japanese. "Surely It's uncomfortable to wear all the time, right?" He asks, I feel the mask frown, and I growled "I'm. Not. Comfortable. With. It. off."

He flinched and nodded "Yeah, okay, I won't push you." He lays on the bed and turns on his side to face away from me, which I use to my advantage in changing my clothes. As Painter left some on the nightstand for me earlier. I could have sworn I heard him purr at me though. When I do eventually lay down and turn on my side to face him, I jump as he's about 3 inches away from my face...he's awake, I know it. I can feel like smug aura coming off him. "Hmph." I grab him, and he opens his eyes with a jolt "Wh- Kage!?" I smirk as he struggles in my grip, I pin him down, and my vision goes blurry for a moment before everything went black. I must have passed out. ------------- [Smiley's POV] "Goddamn it Kage!" I exclaim as the demon passes out on my chest, I can feel my cheeks blush, but I ignore it and close my eyes, trying to sleep. That's when I hear the window open and something crawl inside, I presume its just Rake, but when I feel something touch my side, I open my eyes and see a blue masked face looking down at me.

"....Jack." I growl, he takes a step back "oops" he shrugs, and I glare at him until he climbs out the window and leaves. But it turns out the Rake was also there because I saw him lay next to me and Kage after Jack left. "Can't I get one good night of sleep?" I ask rhetorically and somewhat sarcastically, Rake apologies weakly and I eventually fall asleep holding the demon a bit too comfortingly, but he didn't seem to mind.

#kagekao #creepypasta #is this a fanfic?#Eyeless Jack #Jeff The Killer #Dr. Smiley #Zachary proxy #slenderman proxy #Puppeteer #The Puppeteer #Puppeteer Proxy #Devin Grin #Helen Otis

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beblebumm · 5 years ago

Text

lesbian mom

My sister told me I dress like a lesbian mom. With no offense meant towards lesbian mothers because as Chloe put it- if I was a lesbian mom, my style would be closer to cool. But because up to this point in life I have been straight and childless, I’m just an appropriator. Which I definitely don’t want to be by the way, but I'm an American and blind appropriation is the American way. Working on it. I’m in the kitchen in Cedar Falls finding all my last sporadic, traveled with items to shove in my XL backpack* by the time Chloe brings her new opinion up to her roommates, my family. “Cathy, don’t you think Maddie looks like a lesbian mom?” “a what? A lesbian? I didn’t hear you” ...and dad’s reaction: “oh.. did you get a surrogate then?” * (United and Frontier front like they will be strict about charging you based on the sizes of your luggage, but they won't be. Apparently my size of backpack does not count as a personal item (free) but instead a carry-on (not free). It's a glutinous excuse for a backpack. However, they don’t say shit to you when you show up on the day of your flight. In the words of my friend Grace: If it's on your back and not on wheels, you're fine. I have had to repack a backpack once, throwing on a sweatshirt and carrying socks in my hand to make it through. But you know what that was? Free.And Fyi- U.S. airlines alone made 5.1 billion bucks in extra baggage fees in 2018. Don't contribute to that mess.) * But anyways, to come to the defense of lesbian moms, I think I dress with the best intention. I don’t think I have bad taste, but I can have bad execution. It's not entirely my fault though, as I feel bigger boobs make a lot of outfits merge towards mother. Tops are always an issue because you have the possibility of looking tenty, and opposite that- the issue of looking too tucked in. It can make the attempted effortlessness come off as starchy. I also straddle this line of wannabe skater and NOT wannabe school teacher, meaning I would love to come across as someone who deserves to wear Vans and less like someone who is reading to your child over snack time. That one is harder to explain, but has a lot to do with stripes. I don't bother running all of this past her, but I told Chloe that if I was flat-chested she wouldn’t be saying this. She didn’t argue but offered to help pay for my reduction. My dad and I get in the car after I make an everything bagel with some onion flavored cream cheese. A Thomas brand bagel, of course. Because it’s the cushiest and you can find them everywhere. We love a processed carb. He drives me to the airport in his new-but-used Toyota Highlander, which doesn’t reek of cigs like his previous whip. He only likes this new car because it has a cassette player, but the low mileage is a plus. I just want to say that the Cedar Rapids airport is low entertainment. It’s a trade-off because you are through security in seconds, but you have to do things like chase after people to hand them their ID’s they left on the counter to help the employees out because we’re Iowa nice and when in the homeland you have to act right. And people wear really ugly printed leggings and foul footwear. Lots of camo and lots of Hawkeye logos, which I do not identify with despite it being my alma mater. I was caught in a very vulnerable spot with my thick and tall Doc Marten's, (not a good airport shoe but a good everyday shoe so what can you do) hunched over the ‘Get Your Shit Back Together Very Quickly Bench’ that comes after security, when I see this rushed looking, young nerd man in a long black trench coat. He LOUDLY and SO abruptly asks this similarly aged gal he was coming up behind whether her hair was red or blonde. She had long red hair with dyed blonde ends. She said “red?” and he says nothing but “HUMPH” without breaking speed at all. Why did he need to know that and also why could he not see that her hair was both colors? And if he cared so much to know, then why did he not respond? Did he think this was considered to be hitting on her?? Because practically yelling at her to inquire about her appearance is not cutting it. I wish for his sake I could at least call him a boomer but he didn't meet the age requirement. Whatever. She looked around for confirmation that what had just happened to her was so weird, which of course I gave to her by saying: “That was so weird.” The sole restaurant by the gates has Blue Moon so that’s redeeming. But it’s in a tin can which is not so good. I used to prefer a draft pour with an orange slice but I am partial to a cold bottle now, plain- no orange. It’s more consistent this way, as some places don’t clean their draft lines regularly and it shows. I met an icon on my flight today. I, of course, was assigned my usual middle seat as I am certain I paid the littlest amount of airfare out of everyone on the plane. Deals only. But as I step up to my row and make that apologetic eye contact with the dude who is about to have to move and let me assume my usual middle spot, the guy asks me if I want to switch spots with his son- WHO HAS AN AISLE SEAT. YEAH SIR, I DO. And this is how I was seated next to the only stranger I’ve had an extended conversation with on an airplane, ever. At least to the point where I was sure I wanted to be buddies with her. She was not stoked on the middle seat, but it’s the one she had in our row. The icon is named Erin and she said: “I’ve been ignoring people on planes for 20 years but you seem like an absolute riot.” I realized I also tend to spend a lot of time ignoring people on airplanes. I actually spend more time trying not to bother the people around me, aka holding urine in until I am nearly bursting because the awkward fumbling out of my usual middle seat is too much. I did, however, have slight banter with a guy sitting next to me on the way into Iowa from Denver on this same trip. All he wanted to say to me was that he had just been skiing in Vail or something. People love being able to say sentences like this, by the way. "Skiing in Vail". It's supposed to impress whoever they tell. Ok. But later on, he and I would exchange terrified eyes as we watched this awful moment unfold after an older fellow in the row across from us ignored all social rules and played his voicemails on full blast, speaker volume, for about 10 minutes. A young gentleman near us let him know that “We can all hear that!” which I would have never said but was also thinking. Obviously. The Voicemail Blarer says “Oh sorry” calmly but is very caught off guard. I thought- wow. That went well. But the Voicemail Blarer takes all of 30 seconds to stew before erupting. He belly yells that he is a “WAR VETERAN AND THAT IS WHY I CANNOT HEAR OUT OF THIS EAR WHICH IS WHY MY PHONE IS ON SPEAKER AND BY THE WAY IM ON THIS FLIGHT BECAUSE MY MOM JUST DIED AND I AM FLYING BACK TO IOWA FOR THE FUNERAL. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE AHHHHHHHHH KDFKSJDFLKJDFLJSDF”... I feel like the percentage of people flying to Iowa for funerals is probably a decent chunk. Either you're visiting your family or someone died. Just speculating. ANyways. The Mourning Vet Voicemail Blarer said some pretty harsh remarks towards the Complainer that I can’t remember because I was so nervous as a witness to this that my adrenaline was working overtime to suppress. I remember being proud of The Complainer as he kept very level and only said a couple words to defend himself followed by: “I’m sorry you’re going through that man but we don’t all need to hear your voicemails.” I see both sides of this interaction. On the younger Complainer dude’s side, it’s not socially courteous for the vet to be playing his voicemails out loud. Especially for ten minutes. I mean Larry David would have lost it. On the other hand, no one was insulting his status as a vet or poking fun at his late mother, but he has obviously been through more life and more challenges than I and plus he’s grieving. I don’t know. I didn’t mind the voicemails THAT much. Back to today- Erin is the second stranger I’ve met who inspired me this month. Technically this year, and technically this decade, too. Happy 2020. From what I saw, she’s a kick-ass, take no shit, lay it all on the table kind of individual. She had a natural openness about her and radiated warmness but is the type to probably gaurd herself just enough. The kind of person who you would hate to see sad. Born in cedar rapids, went to Iowa for Journalism, got her masters at Syracuse. Has lived all over- New York, London, LA (I think she said). Will not donate to her old sorority, Chi O, because she can’t affiliate with that anymore because it’s lame. But she’s loyal enough to one of her sorority besties to fly to Denver and sit with her while she undergoes a chemo treatment. She asks me about work and I say I have enough side hustles to equate to having a real job. She tells me I need a podcast and says I must have been told this before. I haven’t. But If I had one, I would have her guest star immedieately. She oozes content. Apparently, there’s such a thing as coaching people on how to talk on camera because this is her job. It can be split up into different categories based on the size of the screen. Phone, computer, TV, etc. She kept saying things about “inches”. I thought this was wildly specific, exactly the sort of job you wouldn’t think about until you thought about it. Niche. Hopefully future me is doing something niche right now. But only if I'm enjoying it. She also mentioned some clients she has that I should speak to so I can learn how to travel the world for free. I could have clung to her and never let go after she said this, as that would make my life and her encouragement inspired me. Before this though, we agree I need a credit card that rewards with airline miles instead of cashback. It’s third up on my “to-do now” list- which is different than my “to-do” list becasue that one is for things like making dentist appointments. For the things that should not be put off but can and will be. Until they can't. She asks what my sign is, which is Sagittarius. She said of course. She’s a Virgo. I have no clue what this means. People ask me this sort of thing a lot now though so I need to read up. This guy I met recently who works at Wax Trax Records told me not only extensively about my sign but about my rising moon and one other part of it that I can’t remember. Or is it your rising sign and moon sign as separates? Idk. He told me that every girl he knows has an ex-boyfriend who is a Pisces. True. Erin also told me she’s on some board in Iowa City that is currently discussing the ped mall. I had a lot to say about THAT, as I feel the ped mall has turned into wasted space other than maybe one and a half shops. She agrees. It’s not being utilized like it should be, we think. Too many frat bars. Apparently, her family owns the Bluebird cafes or used to, and I said "ooooooooh!" but that I could never get a seat in the Iowa City location because every hungover kid within a ten mile radius is trying to eat there every Saturday and Sunday morning. I also thought of the time they burned my friend Madison Wood’s toast and she sent it back. I didn’t tell her this though. I like Bluebird. And I hate when people at my table complain about the food. She tells me I'm too good to write for random freelances, which I have dipped my toes into doing. Pays like shit. I agree and listen to her tell me about someone she met when she was just one year sober (she is now ten years along) who pushed her to take charge of her own point of view. It sounded to me like she was inspired to trust and invest in herself. I liked that. As if I needed another excuse to stay out of corporate America. Right before she fell into meditation and soon to be sleep, Erin comments on my middle part and my “nice natural eyebrows” which is funny because I helped the brows out right before going through security. (By helped out, I mean makeup-ed. In the airport bathroom, too far away from the mirror, two different pencils- one chubby for careless shading and one skinnier to help the endpoints of my brow that is otherwise dead.) On the topic of my appearance, I tell her that my sister had just told me that I dress like a lesbian mother. She said she loves my sister.

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hansmarx-blog1 · 6 years ago

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Few Clouds, 5°C

Bommerholzer Str. 9, 58452 Witten, Deutschland

A place you should avoid

Wir sind jetzt dabei, den zweiten Teil unserer Reise durch die USA vorzubereiten. Die Flüge sind gebucht , Harpo hat auch ein Platz im Frachtraum ergattert, es kann losgehen. Am 27. März fliegen wir nach San Francisco, nehmen ein Mietwagen Richtung Sacramento und fahren am nächsten Tag nach Salt Lake City, um zunächst einmal Michelle Simpson zu besuchen, unsere alte Freundin aus Park City. Wir hätten also gerne ein Motel in der Nähe von Sacramento, wo wir auch mit Harpo unterkommen können. Das ist nicht ganz so einfach in den USA. Viele Hotels nehmen keine Hunde, andere werben damit, dass sie Pet friendly seien. Das ist schon mal gut, nicht so gut ist, dass sie sich ihre Freundlichkeit zum Teil fürstlich bezahlen lassen. 50 und mehr Dollar dafür, dass die Töle mit ins Zimmer darf sind da gar nichts. Zum Glück ist das nicht überall so, aber man muss aufpassen.

Das Haus einer bekannten Kette, bei der wir ganz gerne übernachten, machte auf den Bildern einen guten Eindruck Komma aber die Bewertungen auf TripAdvisor hatten es doch in sich. Man wundert sich fast, dass es Hotels auf solche Bewertungen einfach ankommen lassen und sich schon mal gar nicht dafür interessieren. Overall Rating

(13 Reviews) Horror show

March 13, 2019 I'd give no stars if possible and more photos are to come too. My worst experience in a hotel in my entire 58 years on this earth. They disrespected my service to my country as a Veteran. The lady at front desk had no idea of what she was doing or talking about. They have rooms that are so nasty they should be condemned "but as long as the money rolls in who cares" appears to be their moto. Gave us the wrong room and I hobbled to room with my caregiver and the room was already taken and it was OMG like a dumpster and on the one bed was 3 YES 3 little babies I mean like 15 months oldest maybe and for the 3 seconds we stood there it almost made me sick the stink coming out of that room. The weed smell through the whole hotel is like nothing I've smelled before. As I said this is the worst experience I've ever had. I called corporate office and got disrespected again by a "supervisor" and I use that term loosely as possible. The only bright moment in this whole ride through hood trap was speaking to a Jennifer the boss of the incompetent "supervisor who disrespected me. If your a drug addict, gang member or just plain trash do stay here, you'll fit right in and be right at home. I have filed complaints with CPS, The Health Department etc. I've sent all the photos along with a email to every local news station also. This type of behavior cannot be allowed to exist. It's a breeding ground for everything not good for our City and neighbors

Disagree with other reviews here

December 30, 2018 Super friendly staff. Those others must have been fired or something. The parking area and vicinity is patrolled at night and parking was no problem at all there was extra parking unlike other Red Roof locations here in Sac. There is like 10 fast food places within walking distance. (that's me though. For sure, Wendy's across the street. I went to Del Taco like less than a minute drive away. Patricia told me she has been here six months and was very nice letting me know about the veteran's discount. Thanks.

Want Some Heroin with That?!

December 15, 2018 One star only because zero stars aren't an option. I wish I'd checked yelp before booking this piece of sh*t hotel. The lobby appeared clean and contemporary so I figured it was a decent enough place. We came to Sac to see the Nutcracker ballet and when we arrived back at the hotel we were quickly accosted by a turd selling heroin and crack. He even had the nerve to shove a bag of his drugs in my 12 year old daughter's face! To make matters worse, he came out of the office and when I called down there to report him the clerk refused to answer the phone. It appears that the staff is in on the drug selling shenanigans. I called the sherrif's office and reported it. After this I'm posting on Hotels.com, Traveladvisor.com, and contacting the better business bureau and Red Roof Inn's corporate office.

Roaches

November 23, 2018 Reserved a non smoking room but the room smelled badly of smoke. Could have delt with that but the room was filled with cockroaches. Went back to lobby and requested refund. Clerk was polite and processed refund with no issues. So no complaints of the employers. But can't stay in a place with so many roaches. Neighborhood is pretty sketchy too. Did not feel safe parking and staying there.

Very insulting staff and unprofessional lazy manager r December 19, 2017 I just want to start by saying I never write reviews but after the treatment my family received I had to make sure I start good or bad for all deserving businesses. We checked in and was a little surprised how unfriendly and very short (morning) front desk staff was. Tatiana I believe was knowledgeable of her job but short and not friendly. So checking into the room it was clear management didn't check rooms after staff or give *need to fix list for maintenance. There was black hair on bedsheet. Quilt had food stains and other stains I don't wanna know what they were on them. We also noticed black hair in shower. Tub was not clean at all. we called front desk not asking for anything but just telling them for their knowledge. Also, one bulb in living room out and needed few other maintenance things done. Painting, toilet kept stopping up and broken window lock. So my husband had went to grocery store second morning and called front desk to say no service and please don't knock on door because our 11 yr old 12 next week son was there and we told him not open door unless we called to tell him. She said ok, no problems. Third morning we left hotel from bank which is five minutes down the street and it was 1130. We lost track of time but only 30 minutes and told her we were staying. She gave me attitude and said ok but we needed to be there by noon to pay or we would be charged a late fee. Umm ok but we got there by noon. When we got back our son informed us manager had called room and asked him why he was alone and it was against the law. Shocked we went downstairs to find out the problem and asked why they didn't question us when we paid before going up to room. There were two girls who immediatly started scolding us and saying it was against the law and treating us like bad parents. We told them to check state laws because it's at parents discretion after a certain age. And a almost 12yr old was ok alone for 30 minutes to a hour. They then acted shocked and said well they wouldn't do it. So we went back to room and as time passed I couldn't stop thinking about it and spoke to my husband who said it's just those girls and the night shift employee was really nice (a young guy) and security team was also nice and professional we decided to see if anything else would happen as we had one more day on reservation. That night there were sketchy young people outside obviously high and loud. I called front desk and I guess when security is off two days it's party time. Also that night my son had his hand under mattress and pulled out some old candy wrappers. The next morning at breakfast we told Tatiana and she was rude and said maintenance checks all rooms and basically implied we had done it. We even said we didn't expect anything just wanted the management to know they need to walk thru rooms to check on employees. The rest of day went on without incident and we were supposed to check out next morning. So my husband had lost car key and we couldn't find it. We looked all over property and couldn't find it. We made another reservation on line and called front desk (Tatiana again) and told her we made a reservation on line and needed another day. I explained my husband lost keys and she said ok. Our insurance (Geico, and they are awesome) sent a tow truck to us and opened our car. They waited ten minutes for us to search car and leave with them to go and have another very expensive key made. We were at dealership having a key maid when Tatiana called and said they found a car key and it was to a Ford. I was happy but it was to late (not her fault) However, we got back at 12:49pm and went to office to get key. Tatiana said we didn't sign papers by noon and manager charging us $25 late fee. We said we had called before noon to inform them we needed another night and why. She said nope we were supposed to sign by noon and computer started flagging us and charging us late fee. She could've checked us out and had paper there for us to sign and checked us in after we got back. Again, not their problem and manager wasn't there but we could have her voicemail. We were upset and told them we were leaving and we would return to checkout. She said we had 30 minutes or she was keeping our whole deposit. We ran upstairs and five minutes Tatiana calls and says her manager had called Sheriff because we didn't checkout on time. I got really angry and felt like I was being treated extremely poorly by staff. She didn't care and we now only had $10 of our $60 deposit left. I asked why she said 30:and she yelled no, and hurry up. We been informed already of hotel policy's which I thought when I called at noon to tell her we were staying we covered that. She didn't say otherwise. I hung up on her and still hurried out thinking no way a chain like this would let their employees act like this. Then a knock at door and rude maintenance man and two housekeepers stood their until we left, never getting a deposit at all. We waited and manager never came. it was working hours. I know this was long but I will write this review everywhere, every week until refunded deposit and a apology I will stand on Watt Ave and stop business. People gotta know. and as we waited in parking lot a man came out yelling cause he was charged $20 for one dirty towel. Horrible service.

#motel

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mezhane · 6 years ago

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JUST MARRIED (...kinda)

arranged marriage AU , Mafia AU , AMBW , Fluff, a little angst later on and smut probably, if I’m not too shy to post it .

PART 1

(I sighed as I stared blankly at my paper. School was now over and I was going to be on a summer break . I was officially going to graduate and enjoy these fully deserved two month holidays . But for some reason, something was off ... maybe it was because I was officially done with school , therefore officially becoming an adult ? I wasn't really sure , but I had weird feeling about it- )

"Mina ! What are you doing ?!"( I heard whispering behind me . ) (That's my best friend, Marina. The only person I trust with my life to be honest . As far as I can remember, we've always been together so when it came to chosing our vocation after high school, it was pretty obvious that we would apply for the same universities . Being in different majors -mine being English and hers being history- we wouldn't be able to see eachother all the time . But we still shared a couple classes together , better than nothing . I looked at her and smiled then shook my head . I didn't want to talk about this with her now . She's the kind of girl that worries too much, especially when it comes to me . And that's the last thing I want .)

"Sorry babe, I was just daydreaming , you ready to go ? " "Yeah , I'm done "

(We grabbed our things and gave our final exam papers to the teacher then left the room. School was finally over . )

"Mina babe, I can't believe we're done with school ! " " I know , love , I know ..." "Something wrong ? You know you can tell me anything !" " Yeah , I know but don't worry . It's nothing really . I was just thinking about what was I gonna do this summer so that it's not boring " " Uuuh excuse me ! It's what ARE WE going to do this summer " " Yeah right , what ARE WE going to do this summer" She always knows how to make me laugh. (As we were walking , we talked about everything . Having someone that you can talk to and laugh about everything with is trully a blessing . I'm forever thankful for the day our paths crossed . We finally arrived at her house and I hugged her goodbye . She insisted that I come in and eat something with her , but I declined. Too distracted by that weird feeling inside of me . Five minutes later, I arrived home .)

"I'M HOME !!" (I shouted with the most cheerful voice possible . ) "Mina , baby , is that you ?" " Yes dad ! " (I ran over to the living room to find him sitting on the couch . I kissed him on the forehead and sat next to him) "How was school ? Happy to be done with it ? " " Well it feels weird, but I can't wait to actually do something with my life . " " Yeah speaking about that, uh ... " (He straightened himself back in the couch and turned the TV volume down . Uh-oh . Now I know where this weird feeling was coming from . )

"Mina sweetie, you know I only want the best for you, right ?" (I didn't answered this, but just smiled softly.) "Now, you've seen this happening to a lot of women in this family , so I hope you won't be shocked by what I'm about to say... You see, we've been talking about this with your mother and we think that it's the right time for you to get married . You're a young respectable women and we think that a marriage is the best thing that can happen to you ."

(Fuck. I didn't see this one coming for sure ! Actually, no , I did. But I never thought it was going to be anytime soon ! I mean , my sister, my cousins they were all much older than me when they had their marriage arranged ! Something was wrong, yes , something was definitely off, and I had to find out . )

"Mina? Baby? Are you listening ? Did I upset you ? " "No dad, don't worry it's fine, I'm just a little surprised , None of the woman of this family were that young when they got married , so it's a little confusing. "( I said carefully, not wanting to make him mad, but also wanting to draw the information out of him. )

(He sighed and took his glasses of . )

"I know that baby, but I got this really nice opportunity for you , and I think you will be very happy with this person ." "Really ? Who is it ? Do I know him ?"( I sounded a little bit too excited about this to be honest . ) " I won't tell you unless you tell me if you want this or not . So do you ? "

(The room was painfully silent . I was looking at my dad with a mixture of fear and confusion which he probably sensed since he took my hand in his . )

"Do you want to think about this overnight ? You can give me your answer in the morning if you want ." "Yes , I would love that , thanks dad " "No problem baby, I love you , ok ? " "I love you to dad " (I kissed his hand and went up to my room . On my way up the stairs, I came back to look at my dad again .)

"Papa ?" (He loves when I call him that. It reminds him of his childhood back in Africa . )

"Hm , sweetheart ? " "That man, he's not a fifty year old uncle , right ? " (He laughed loudly and then wiped his tears . I smiled widly. Seeing my dad laugh always made my heart feel lighter . )

"No my love, I promise he's not . He's older than you though, but I will never give my beautiful younger daughter to a man that could be your dad . Trust me . " (I sighed in relief. Thank God my dad was so considerate . )

"Ok Papa, I'll just be in my room, call me when dinner is ready ! " (And with that , I ran up to my room . Obviously, as you may guess, my first reflex was to text my bestfriend. "Soooo... My dad wants to arrange my marriage, like, now" .Sent . Read... Incoming Call : Marina Babe .)

"Hey babe what's up ? " "Bitch don't 'hey babe what's up' me , what the fuck was that text about ? " "Calm down , I didn't say yes ... Yet !" "Are you going to say yes ? " (I've never felt so much worry in her voice .)

" I don't know, my dad said he could make me really happy, apparently he's the golden opportunity that I don't want to miss." ( I said as I was almost trying to convince her ... Why am I sounding like I want to convince her ?!)

"Ok but, what if he's a 50 year old uncle ? " (I laughed loudly at her cuteness. We really are the same aren't we ?) "He's not . My dad promised me he wasn't . But he still is older than me . " "Alright , when do you have to give your answer ? " "Tomorow, I have to think this overnight ." (At this point, I was chewing on my bottom lip franatically . )

"Well, take your time to really think this through, you know I will support you no matter what ... I love you a lot , ok ? " " I love you more sunshine, bye " "Bye baby"

(And with that, she hung up. I crashed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling . Me , Mina , being married . I cringed awkwardly at the idea of me being a wife, having a new home, being part of a new family . But maybe that wasn't a bad idea, maybe it really was for the better . And if I believe all those things my dad says about this man, maybe I really wouldn't want to miss this golden opportunity . But what if he's actually not that great in real life ? What if he's a total old school conservative macho man that doesn't allow me to go out and or take any decision without consulting him ? And what if I say 'no' without learning about him and the next guy my dad presents to me is actually a old school conservative macho piece of shit ? I rubbed my temples as I was trying to find a solution . By this time, it was already time to eat and my mom had shouted at me to come and eat . I sat at the table, in front of my older brother , Sam . The room was very silent, apart from the noises of spoons and nifes clashing on the porcelain paltes . My brother decided to lighten up the mood a little bit . )

"So ! Mimi" ( I hate this nickname.) "I heard that you were gonna get married ! Congrats little sis ! God bless the man who's gonna deal with your crazy ass for the rest of his life-" " Uh actually, I didn't give an answer , so you can keep, your blessings for now and focus on why you're twenty nine and still not married , thank you very much ." (I almost shouted, fake smiling.)

"UH AcTUaLlY, it's time for you to realise that I will be the one taking over dad's position so I have bigger worries to me right now than finding a wife, I don't want want one , thank you very much ." (He replied mimicking my tone . I hate him so much sometimes ...)

"More like you can't get one cause you're an ugly piece of sh-" "Mina I swear to God I will fight you !" "Matthew say something !!" (My mom was screaming at my dad, her hands above her head. )

"Stop it you two !!! Are you still little kids ? (My dad's face was stern, but his voice resembled more amusement rather than actual lecturing .) "C'mon , apologise to eachother ! Quick !

(Me and my brother looked at eachother, then he sighed deeply and closed his eyes .)

"I'm sorry sis, I didn't want to upset you" (I hummed as my frown disapeared . I don't know why but it was always hard for me to say that I was sorry . )

"Well ? Mina ? " (My mom spat with an awfully threatening voice .) "I'm sorry too, Samy, I shouldn't have insulted you ." (He smiled at me and I smiled back , not being able to actually be mad at him for more than a couple minutes . Yep, that's how close we are). "You two finish your dinner and go to your rooms after that, your mom and I we need to talk . " (Now, that's the serious dad tone I'm more used to.)

(As established earlier , we finished eating then my brother and I went up . As we were walking to our respective rooms, I felt my brother look at me .)

"What ? What's that look for ? "( I could feel myself frowning.)

"Nothing ... So, are you gonna say yes ? " (He suddenly had worry in his eyes .) "I don't know ... I've never seen the guy, What if I don't like him ? I need to find a way to learn about him before actually getting married ... " " Hmm... And have you found a way ?" " No, not yet ... Help me ?" ( I pouted . He can never resist my cute face.Never. ) "Ok, how about this , you agree to meet him, and in exchange, you ask for a couple of dates to learn about him then give your final decision ?" (That's why I love him !)

"Oh my God Samy ! Of course !! Yes, I'll do that !!! Thank you ! " (However, my joy faded away quickly.) "But still Samy, what if he doesn't like me ..." "He'll like you baby, trust me. And you'll like him too . ( He was smirking... What is he hiding from me ? ) "How can you be so sure about it ? Do you know the guy ? " (I tried to sound as threatening as possible . )

"Of course I do, I even gave my approval to him ! "

(Oh, that sneaky bastard ...)

"What ?! Hold o- " "As a matter of fact, you know him too !" "Huh ?! Samy wait !" "Goodnight !"

(He closed his room door at my face . He knew ! All this time , he knew and he didn't say anything and let me worry to death about it ! I laughed and got into my room . As I brushed my teeth, a lot of thoughts came through my mind . Maybe I should give this a shot ? And if my brother gave his approval, he couldn't be that bad could he ? Yeah, I should stop worrying about it and just go for it . I shouldn't be a punk about it . I can do this ...)

(I mean , I'm also part of the "Ide oju" gang, right ? )

Alright so , uh I did this, editing is shit and I’m not sure how this is gonna turn ou but I guess I like it ... Will try post part 2 tomorow . K bye . x ( Also Marina if you read this , don’t beat my ass for not changing your name , love u )

#fanfic #fanfiction #kpop #kpopshit #exo #exo k #exo m #exo fanfiction #exo l

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bittysvalentines · 7 years ago

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Life

A gift for @writingdragon by @TheTimetravellerCat for the Bitty’s Valentines! 2018 edition.

Summary: The Las Vegas aces are on a roadie, and the team goes to celebrate after a win, but Kent stays back after a quarrel with a teammate. Jeff is concerned and goes after Kent to find him distraught. They progress together and find new facets to their relationship.

Notes: Be aware that this fic deals with internalised homophobia and self-depreciation. Kent is the one having issues with his self-esteem, but Jeff helps him to see that what he thinks isn’t the truth and that he is worthy of many things. No character bashing, just quite a lot of personal growth. His issues are mostly triggered by the toxic homophobic environment he is in. There is a good deal of angst as well, but also a fair part of fluff, I promise. Happy open ending (I’m planning to write a sequel to this). And for the sake of clarity, this is an established-relationship.

The title of this has been inspired by the song Life by Ludovico Einaudi. (https://youtu.be/fy2ZF2ks-9E) [Also, this is my first fic ever, obviously it had to be a Check, please! fic lol, so I hope you enjoy it! :) ] PS: A lot of love to my amazing and patient beta, Ricekrispyjoints! (<3 <3)

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The Las Vegas Aces are coming back to the rustic resort they’re staying at after a winning game. Press went well, the usual after-game questions, the team is joyous and they are making plans to celebrate their victory. Nothing too extravagant, as they have an 11:30 pm curfew and have to hit the road again a little before eleven the next day. The guys are loud, nonetheless, and they jostle each other. Carl bumps into Kent, but he isn’t in the mood.

“Fuck off, Carly.”

“Chill dude. You got a stick up your ass, or what?”

“Fuck you! I’m not that desperate, not like you.” He winks and grimaces, showing his disgust at the thought.

“You know what? You’re just a piece of shit, have fun all alone. I’m out!“

And on that, Carl leaves, clearly pissed. Kent barely notices, words are ringing in his ears. You’re just a piece of shit. He feels his heart sinking in his chest. What if… no. Carl couldn’t be. He is by far the most homophobic dude on the team. He hadn’t been affected by Kent’s comment, not in that way at least. It’s just his basic ‘I don’t want to have anything to do with those fags’ reaction. Kent knows it, but he can’t help wondering because he also knows he would have taken it personally. By now, he is used to the rampant homophobia, and – he isn’t proud of it, he realises – but he is used to say things like this as well, as a way to insult people. All of a sudden, he feels sick. Without looking back, he runs to his room, the one he shares with Troy.

He reaches the doorway and fumbles with his key. Once he manages to open it, he enters and immediately closes the door behind him. He feels like he is about to puke. He believes it. He fucking believes it. When did it happen? He doesn’t know. He didn’t notice. It was so subtle he didn’t even become aware of it. Until now. He knows this is all messed up. He knows this isn’t the truth. He knows bigots are jerks and even more than that. He knows he isn’t one of them. Or maybe he is. You’re just a piece of shit. He is shaking. He needs to calm down, but it’s too late. He can feel his shell breaking apart. He takes a few trembling steps and grips the desk until his knuckles are white with the effort. He needs to ground himself. You’re just a piece of shit. Carl’s words keep coming at him, hitting him hard. His nails dig into the hard surface underneath them. He barely hears the sound of someone unlocking the door and coming in. A few seconds later, there is a click and two turns of the key, shutting the outside world off. Kent still can’t breathe properly, Carl’s voice haunting him, Carl’s words insidiously creeping under his skin.

“Kent…” Troy pleads.

For a brief instant, everything freezes around them and then, Kent explodes.

“I’m SHIT! I’m just shit and I know it!!! And YOU know it!”

Jeff is quiet, no words escape his mouth. He is just here, looking at Kent with patient eyes. Parse wants him to scream back at him, to agree with him. But nothing comes. Jeff stays silent. Parse tries to read him, tries to see disgust on his face but he can’t because there is none. He almost gets angry again, he wants to snap at his teammate again.

Instead, his legs fail him and he drops on the floor, his knees making a loud bang against the hardwood. A single tear rolls on his cheek, a second one follows and then it’s flooding all over his face. He can’t even think about how much of a fool of himself he must be making. He tries to voice a snarky comment about how weak he is and about how this is just more proof of his obsolescence but he can only manage to let out a sob. Something has broken in him and he can’t back-pedal. Jeff lets him cry his eyes out. He has to clench his fists tight – it hurts him seeing his loved-one like this – but he doesn’t want to scare him away. He knows if he invades his space right now, he will shut down again and he won’t let Jeff help him, even though they are both aware that he has reached his breaking point.

Eventually, the tears cease. He is sitting on his heels, his arms lose at his sides and he can’t bring himself to get back on his feet and to walk away pretending that nothing ever happened. Abruptly, before he can regret it, he asks:

“Why are you not telling me I’m crap?”

He almost adds ‘Why are you not laughing at me for being such a sissy?’ But he thinks better of it because even though it’s something the guys would say, it’s not something Jeff would say, he realises. However, it seems like Jeff still heard him in his silence.

“Should I? And maybe I should call you a sissy while we’re at it?”

“Yes. Yes…” But his voice is dying.

He doesn’t believe it. It sounds… wrong and it’s a new feeling to him. Jeff kneels in front of him and gently picks Kent’s hands in his own. They stay like this for a moment. Silent sobs spill out from time to time.

After a while, Jeff let go one of his hands and reaches to remove Kent’s cap and slowly leans in to press a soft kiss on his forehead. Kent stares down at his laps. He can’t look at Troy in the eyes. He can’t face the truth. He can’t face the fact that someone genuinely, wholeheartedly cares about him. So he ducks his head but this doesn’t stop Jeff who presses another gentle kiss, on his temple this time. Finally, Kent gives in and buries his head in the other man’s neck, breathing deeply, soothing himself with his scent, allowing himself to be taken care of. Jeff holds him tightly. ‘I am not going to reject you’ his body says. When he feels his boyfriend relaxing, he helps him to the bed but Kent doesn’t want to let him go. He starts to panic and feels shameful about it but he hears himself beg anyway.

“Don’t-don’t leave me!”

“I am not. I wasn’t intending to.”

“I know I don’t deserve it-”

Jeff cuts him off. “You do.”

“But you don’t understand… I’ve treated him so badly… I’ve said so many messed up things… I’ve-I’ve nearly, maybe even really, believed those things… I can’t expect people to treat me well after that…”

‘Him’. He knows who he is talking about, and where he is concerned, he is pretty sure it went both ways, but he doesn’t press.

“Kenny, listen, it’s not because you were a bad person once or that you fell into this whole homophobic mess that you can’t progress and be good again. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to love yourself.”

“So what? I should see a shrink?” He snorts.

“Maybe.”

Kent stares. Jeff’s tone is serious. There is no underlying teasing. It sounds right in his mouth. It doesn’t sound like something he should be ashamed of. He considers it. Then, carefully choosing his words, he says:

“If-if I start to see a sh-therapist… Would you still stay with me? I-I…”

He is afraid he will be alone again. He is afraid Jeff is only sending him to a therapist so he can get rid of him, the useless asshole. He…

“I didn’t suggest it so I could abandon you. You’re not doing this alone, I’ll be with you.”

He knows he should trust him, he knows he shouldn’t question it, but he needs to hear it. He needs to be sure.

“Promise?” he asks, shyly.

“Promise.”

There is a silence. Jeff is still sitting on the edge of the mattress. He seems to hesitate.

“Now, would you rather have me sleeping in the other bed or…”

He doesn’t end his sentence, unsure of what to say. Kent shakes his head.

“No. I mean, only if you want to…”

“Yes, I want to.”

He turns the lights off and slides under the quilt. Kent is facing him. He wants to get closer, he wants to be held but he doesn’t know if he should. He looks at Jeff whose eyes are gleaming in the dimness. The man places an arm over him, his hand resting on his back. Kent takes the invitation and snuggles against him like a cat. It feels safe. He feels welcomed. He feels loved, and it might be the best thing he ever felt, but he is not quite ready to admit it. So, he just stays silent and enjoys it as much as he can. He is still scared it might get taken away from him, but it is there right now, and god knows he will fight to keep this, although it might make him lose other things.

He is starting to get that his happiness is worth it, but even knowing this, he can’t help but wonder if the other things might be more important. He briefly thinks about losing Jeff and his heart aches more than he can stand it. He makes a distressed noise, and the other man holds him even closer and kisses him through his hair. No. This is the right thing, he thinks. With him, he can do it. Together. Not alone.

Sleep takes him and for once, he doesn’t fight.

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Dawn finds them still tangled together. They look sleepily at each other without a word. Everything is quiet, not even a bird is chirruping. They’re both exhausted, drained from the game the previous day, the episodes of last night… They both remember last night’s events. But there is no embarrassment, no second-thoughts, only acceptance. Kent speaks first.

“I’m scared, Jeff.” He admits, sheepishly. “I don’t feel or think that there is any going back. I don’t think I can just pretend that I hate gays and find them gross… I am gay. And… I… I’m… I am not disgusting!” He explodes.

Jeff soothingly brushes Kent’s hair, leans in and kisses the tip of his nose with the tip of his lips.

“No, you’re not. You’re beautiful.”

Kent can’t help the flush on his face, but he finds himself not minding it at all. He feels warm. He grasps Swoops’ hand and boldly kisses it. They are both fiercely pink now which makes Parse smirk, proud of himself. They goof around some more, enjoying this harmless, easy interaction, glad to forget about the ugliness waiting for them outside of their room.

At one point, Jeff takes Kent’s shirt off.

“I want to try something, okay? Tell me if you’re not comfortable with it.” He explains.

“Okay.” He tenses inadvertently.

“Hey, just try to relax. You can tell me to stop at any time. No pressure.”

Kent nods and shifts, trying to loosen up. Jeff barely strokes his shoulders and Kent shivers under the touch. The other man goes down to his chest, then to his ribs which makes him jolt – he is ticklish – but he finds it nice. It’s so gentle and genuine.

Swoops’ hands rest on his hips as he slowly bends down and presses a very soft kiss right below his belly button. Kent takes a big breath and forces himself to let it out. Relax. It’s okay. He trusts him.

Another kiss finds its place on the left, and again another one on the right, then he leaves a line of kisses all the way up to his jaw.

There is no rush and everything is soft. Jeff makes sure to be as diligent with each new kiss as he was with the previous one.

A beauty spot on his collarbone is gifted a kiss as well, and soon enough every single beauty spot on his torso gets the same delicate attention.

Parse groans when he realises it’s the last one. He doesn’t want it to stop just yet.

Jeff rests on Kent’s belly, looking at him, his hands folded under his chin.

“How do you feel?” He asks.

“Good. A bit sad you stopped.” He answers, the pad of one of his finger lingering along the scar on Swoops’ face.

Jeff chuckles which makes Kenny pout.

“Hey! Don’t make your pouting kitten face, it’s not fair!” He exclaims, while poking lightly at his boyfriend’s ribs. “Maybe if you ask me politely, I’ll start again,” he adds, merrily.

A new light sparkles in Kenny’s eyes. He grins.

“Kiss me some more… please?” And Jeff obliges, too happy to show his love, too happy that Kenny wants him to be affectionate in soft and leading ways, too happy that he actually seems to enjoy it and to allow himself to enjoy it.

This time, he ends it with a kiss on the lips and then rolls into Kent’s left side, his head resting on top of his shoulder. Kenny is absently brushing his left arm.

“So, how was it?” Swoops inquires.

“Unusual.”

“Bad?”

“No. More like I’m not… used to it.” He sighs, less sure of himself. “Maybe I should let you… do this more often.”

He almost said let you love me, but he didn’t. It feels too overwhelming, and his heart is beating fast in his chest. He keeps it for another time. He still has work to do to get there, but he is confident it will happen.

They remain still, touching one another, for a little while after that, in thoughtful silence, knowing that they’ll have to move soon enough. They have to work out, get breakfast, then pack and finally hit the road. But for now, they’re still in this intermediary state, caught in between peace and chaos, in the nothingness, determined to make the most out of the calm before the storm. They breathe in unison.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

An alarm clock makes itself known, and everything returns to motion. They sit up straight, force themselves out of bed and change into work-out clothes.

“What about a run? I’m not really looking forward to getting stuck into a gym with the others.”

Jeff is ruffling the other bed, to make it look like they didn’t sleep in the same one, just in case.

“Yeah. Not ready to make small talk with them, uh?” He chirps.

“No. Indeed.” Kent answers, seriously.

“Kenny, it’s gonna be okay. I promise you only have to be your sassy self and they won’t even notice.”

“And how do I avoid getting angry? I’m not the calmest person on Earth, you know that.”

“I’ll help you with that. And therapists can give you useful tips.”

“Still not ready for this today.”

“Okay. Then, let’s go for a run!”

He claps Kent’s shoulder on his way to the door, but gets stop by Kent who steals a kiss from him in the process.

“Good luck charm,” he explains with a wink.

Jeff shakes his head in an amused disbelief. They head out and run in a comfortable mix of silence, chirps and Kent’s well known entertaining way to converse. It’s easy, it’s nice. They have been running buddies for a while now and it’s, at least, one of the only things they can do in public without anyone batting an eye.

They head back to the rustic resort. Kent wins at rock, paper, scissors and gets to shower first. He leaves the room shortly after that to get breakfast. They rarely eat breakfast together on roadies, unwilling to take risks. This resulted in Parson being grumpy pretty much every morning, which built him a solid to-do-not-disturb reputation. That is, he won’t have to speak to anyone, which buys him some time to reflect on what happened and how it’ll affect his future. For sure, things will change, he just doesn’t know exactly what yet; besides that he is actually going to listen to Jeff and work with a therapist. He will at least give it a shot. He could use a hand to help him sort out his feelings and help him with this mess, he thinks. Jeff made it sound like something good – and he doesn’t lie to Kent – so maybe it will be, indeed. He will see.

Time passes by quickly. The guys are excited to go home and pack their stuff at full speed. As such, everyone is exceptionally ready in advance, and they can leave early.

The ride back home is quiet on their part. They are way too tired to bother to stay awake. And when they’re sleeping, it’s easier to forget that they’re not allowed to hold hands. So, instead, they share a pair of earphones and nap. It’s Jeff’s turn to pick the music, and he thankfully chooses something they can sleep to. And that is how they let Life by Ludovico Einaudi clear their mind and escort them to whatever is next in their own lives.

End notes: I hope you enjoyed your gift :D I had a great time writing it! And I know i totally lied (unintentionally) in my asks (but your answers were very useful, thank you, it was appreciated) and wrote about the pairing i thought i wouldn’t pick. I have very strong feelings for ParseSwoops and as a consequence, I thought I would write too many things xD (god, I had cold sweats near the end, when i was approaching the 3k limit dangerously) but it worked out just right! Anyway, happy valentine’s day! Have a nice day :D

#writingdragon #fanfic #bv2018 #bittysvalentines #parseswoops #submission

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abadpoetwithdreams · 7 years ago

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Nirvana in Fire Episode 4 Reaction

I thought this would be a fast episode to recap/review, but no. It wasn’t. A LOT HAPPENS. Most importantly? This is the episode where we really, finally get introduced to Jing (and, in a way, to Lin Shu himself) and that whole scene is so important!!! Also there’s the subplot with the slave kids, and the threat of Ni Huang’s impending marriage, and now there’s a subplot TO that subplot about her being in danger from someone, PLUS we FINALLY learn what Lin Shu is ultimately trying to do here in the court, and aaaaaahh. So much goodness! I got a little misty-eyed, even? That’s how good it is. It doesn’t bode well for my poor emotions in later episodes. Will this show ever have a filler episode that I can summarize my reaction to in, like, a single paragraph??? I’m guessing not. But I’m okay with that because I’m enjoying it so much.

Back to this episode, episode 4, we start where we left off with the fight from last episode, with Jing Rui getting flung across a table by Baili Qi. The emperor intervenes and stops the fight before anyone (meaning poor Jing Rui) gets seriously hurt, but in the pause afterwards he notices that Chang Su (who DID manage to swallow all that tangerine without dying, I am very proud of him) is leaning over whispering in a smiling Ni Huang’s ear. So of course the Emperor demands to be let in on whatever secret is being told.

And how cute is the sight of Mei Chang Su and Ni Huang whispering mischievously to each other at the EMPEROR’S OWN TABLE, so to speak? The answer, my friend, is pretty dang cute. They look like they’ve reverted to being a couple of children together. Ni Huang’s so comfortable and close with him, it reeeeeally feels like she instinctively recognizes him and it’s like her brain is just waiting to catch up with her heart which is already making her treat him like a lifelong friend, even if she doesn’t consciously realize it yet. Then again, she seemed already so intrigued from the first instant she saw him … I really want to know what he was telling her; I don’t think he was telling her the stratagem he was about to put into play, because he did seem surprised when she caught on so fast, but he could have been acting so idk. Maybe he just told her to follow his lead. Or maybe he literally just told her what he tells the Emperor he was saying: that Baili Qi is a strong but badly-trained warrior who could undoubtedly be defeated by children.

(Chang Su acts embarrassed as he admits this but COME ON. He is LOVING it.)

The whole room gasps. This is a massive insult delivered by an honored guest in front of the most important people in the kingdom. They are electrified with horror, shocked amusement, and intrigue (and, in the case of Northern Yan’s group: outrage).

And Mei Chang Su, THIS TROLL, puts on his meek innocent face and is all “oh, no, I meant no offense at all, we are all friends here, my bad, it is just that I make mistakes like everyone else, I should really learn to think before I speak ohohohoho”

But the ambassador from Northern Yan is having none of it and demands Mei Chang Su produce some children to be slaughtered by Baili Qi right. Now.

(I feel insulted on poor Jing Rui’s behalf that his buddy Chang Su has basically just said to THE EMPEROR that a child could fight better than he just did, and he does actually look a little miffed here, but only briefly. He is a better person than me, this noble sword-boy.)

(Btw, this scene is a good example of how Chang Su has the SWEETEST smile when he wants to. It is an excellent distraction from his clever manipulation, which I can attest to personally because it distracts ME from paying close attention to what he’s saying, so I’m assuming it worked on everyone else in that hall, too.)

Chang Su says ok, but also he’d have to train the kids, PLUS the kids would have to be previously untrained, and Ni Huang catches on almost immediately and starts helping, the end result being that the two of them work together fiendishly well, dancing back and forth with their varying reasons for why the children they pick for the bout HAVE to be taken from the slaves in the palace–y'know, one of which is Ting Sheng from last episode. It’s about now that I started laughing because “oh no he isn'tttt” but yes: he totally is. Mei Chang Su is already setting things in motion to save the kid Prince Jing mysteriously cares about. Brazenly, in front of the Emperor and the entire court. With Meng surely sweating bullets the whole time as he stands beside the Emperor.

Also there’s a great moment when Chang Su pretends to be VERY contrite about suggesting some children could whip Baili Qi, almost to the point of being flustered, and he stammers out some thing about how it wouldn’t be fair to use kids already trained in martial arts, as that would be an unfair advantage to them, and the Northern Yan crew look like they’re going to have a fit and the rest of the hall busts up laughing (except for the Crown Prince who looks upset by this further insult to the foreign group, and for Prince Yu who just smirks like he’s impressed) and in the meantime Mei Chang Su stands there in the midst of this hurricane he created looking wholly innocent and clueless and ugh I LOVE HIM. HE’S THE WORST.

So Chang Su, with the help of his secret ally Meng, manages not only to get the Emperor’s permission to take three kids from the slave ranks to train them, but also gets permission to train them back in his own house, and is given five days to do so. He also hints that the kids might deserve, oh I don’t know, some kind of reward after they defeat Baili Qi? I SEE YOU, LIN SHU. I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

Meng picks three kids at random, and Ting Sheng somehow happens to be one of them. Wow, what a craaaaaazy coincidence!

Later, Jing Rui voices concern about the kids’ chances because he is, y'know, sane, but Chang Su is unmoved. He says he is going to have them use a Towering Phantom technique? Sounds impressive. Jing Rui knows of this technique but has never seen it. Chang Su asks does Jing Rui not trust him? Jing Rui promptly replies that he DOES trust his friend, who is so clever and knows so much. It’s painful to hear him say so. Then Yu Jin chimes in by saying that everything must be ok because Chang Su clearly has a plan: if the kids defeat Baili Qi in this mock combat round, Baili Qi won’t have the gall to then say he has the right to fight Ni Huang. That’s a good point. I’m very impressed that Lin Shu is seemingly managing to kill two birds with one stone, here. Very good.

(Speaking of Yu Jin, slight sidetrack meta time: I’m writing this as I rewatch after making it to episode 16 and then stopping, so I have seen more of these boys than just four episodes’ worth. And this is one of the earliest telling moments I’ve noticed where Yu Jin seems to see Chang Su’s stratagems clearly. He doesn’t see any long term goal in them, but he’s good at seeing what’s going on in the moment. It seems to me like the reason why he notices more about what Su is doing when compared to Jing Rui, is that Jing Rui takes Chang Su’s friendship more for granted. They are already friends at the beginning of the show; Yu Jin begins the show eager to meet this legendarily cool pugilist leader, so he’s a bit more removed from Chang Su the person and more calibrated to view Chang Su the persona. Chang Su is just lucky that Yu Jin is such a happy puppy of a person who wants to see the best in people and so isn’t a suspicious sort, otherwise he would definitely have an edge when it comes to figuring out that Chang Su is such a devious plotter and has some dangerous long-term goals; he is too innocent, alas. I also get the feeling that Jing Rui is at a disadvantage here even though he is the more mature of the two simply because he’s grown up surrounded by not one but TWO doting families so he’s just? Used to being loved? (And yet still hasn’t gotten spoiled, bless him.) But being accustomed to being the center of attention/having a positive network around him blinds him to Chang Su’s machinations. Anyway. Yu Jin and Jing Rui are the Most Precious souls in this entire show so far and must be protected at all costs. I dread what’s undoubtedly coming for them. The show wouldn’t make them this Good for no reason.)

Meanwhile, best of friends Meng is assuring the Emperor that it is very possible that Su Zhe might know a secret technique that would enable children to defeat Baili Qi, and also says even if the kids lose it’s a win-win for the Emperor. He also says even if the kids lose, it “won’t be any worse than it is now.” The Emperor somehow finds that reassuring? I feel like insulting a rival nation’s champion, then losing to him in a fight brought about by the insult IS a situation that would be made worse by the loss, but maybe he figures he’ll just punish this random impertinent strategist if things go wrong and so therefore he, the Emperor, is fine no matter what. Whatever.

The next scene starts pretty randomly with one of the less important concubines crying because she has to light candles at the shrine for a dead Empress. Is dead Empress the current Emperor’s mother? I feel like it must be. Anyway she must have been an awful person if her ghost can scare this woman that badly.

Enter Jingmum!! Jingmum (not her name, alas, but I’m using it for clarification sake) offers to accompany and help her fellow woman because she is a good and wonderful person. How much influence did she have over Jing as he grew up? Because he seems like a fantastic guy, but as a concubine of the Emperor I don’t know how much freedom to just be a mom to her kid this woman had. I want to see what their relationship is like.

Oh, and the current Empress is the one punishing the sad concubine for something trivial like bad handwriting or somesuch. This is an interesting detail because until now the Emperor’s favourite concubine, Crown Prince’s mom, seemed much more obviously hateful. This shows the Empress is also definitely not a good person. It reminds me of how Yu scolded those sparring soldiers so harshly back in episode 2. Guess that’s where he learned it from?

“Your arms must be sore,” a way too kind and compassionate Jingmum says to her fellow concubine, after the latter lights some candles. If her arms are sore, she needs to do some lifting, my gosh. Then again, I suppose she doesn’t have anything to do in her life to strengthen her arms, but still. That’s pathetic. Jingmum even massages her arm as they walk out of the shrine together??? What a saint. She says she was trained in medicine before, so I guess that explains things. Have her take a look at Lin Shu, pls. I want him alive longer than two years ok? Make it so.

Thunder sounds and I’m immediately like “SAVE THE BEAUTIFUL DRESSES” but the two women have the same thought apparently and scurry under cover, much to my relief.

BUT THEN. Their run for cover puts them right outside a secluded room where they can overhear a conversation between some old woman and the most evil-looking handmaid I’ve ever seen in my entire life. This actress flat-out sneers every word, and it’s kind of funny. But the conversation itself isn’t funny: they’re talking about some kind of drug that “the Empress Dowager used on Princess Supreme Li Yang back then.” Um. WHAT?! Someone wants to use this drug on someone in secret, and these women are making the necessary arrangements.

Jingmum and weak-arm concubine hurry away before they are spotted, but that sounded REALLY SKEEVY. My suspicions are confirmed when weak-arm concubine, in major distress, tells Jingmum that this is an emergency: that drug they were talking about is basically a date rape drug that was used in the past on the Princess Supreme. Who, I am pretty sure, is one of Jing Rui’s moms???? (Ten episodes later I know that yes, this is Jing Rui’s mom.) WHAT IS HAPPENING. Nothing good, that is sure. Weak-arm asks Jingmum for advice, and Jingmum tells her to keep silent about what she heard. It’s better to play it safe in the palace and not meddle in secrets, she says. This is exactly he opposite of what Jing would say, I have no doubt. So he can’t have spent THAT much time with his mom: enough to inherit her goodness but not her subtlety, I think.

Back at Snow Cottage we are treated to a long montage of the slave children waving swords around with varying expressions of seriousness on their round faces. Fei Liu is doing all the work to train them, and I imagine he’s a brutal but effective teacher. Lin Shu is sitting nearby paying nearly zero attention; he trusts Fei Liu to get the job done. “Make them faster so I can be sure to win,” he instructs, and I’m pretty sure that’s all he needs to say for Fei Liu to do everything in his power to make these kids the fastest children under the sun. I am curious about why he is so very, very devoted to Lin Shu. They’re such an odd duo but so great together.

Lin Shu does start paying attention, however, when Ni Huang shows up for an unannounced visit. Surprise! As always, he looks momentarily stricken to see her, and I wonder if she realizes she frightens him, she seems like she’s always watching him very closely. She looks like she is pleased to have surprised him, but he covers his reaction almost instantly. Ni Huang is here to see the children’s formation they are practicing for herself, and she is very perceptive in her criticism of it as she walks alone with Chang Su afterwards. I love it whenever Ni Huang shows off how smart she is AND how skilled she is in warfare. She’s perfect. She asks if he maybe has something further planned, and he doesn’t answer, like he doesn’t trust himself to reply. Every time she shows how clever she is it’s like you can see that hidden Lin Shu in him fall in love with her all over again and it’s the WORST. Sidenote: Hu Ge has done amazing work in this show so far, but one of my favourite aspects of his portrayal is that you can so clearly tell when shades of Lin Shu are coming out–which is remarkable, when you think about it, because I still haven’t been introduced to Lin Shu. I still don’t know who he IS. And yet I do, because Hu Ge has such a clear understanding of who he is, he’s clueing me in even without that formal introduction, even without convenient flashbacks, or without ever talking about who he was before. He’s wonderful.

Chang Su finally promises he will do all he can to help Ni Huang out of her predicament (one of the few promises he makes that I 100% believe, lol), and she looks thoughtful.

“For some reason,” she confesses as she looks out at the garden, “I actually trust you.”

Lin Shu’s only reaction is a blink that covers a flinch, and it’s like you can see how glad her confession makes him before reality catches up to his relief and turns it all to pain, and then he just. Walks away. No bow, no farewell, nothing. Because he can’t handle this, and neither can I. Ni Huang watches him go, looking strangely triumphant. Point to Ni Huang, I think. She is DEFINITELY on to him.

That night, Jingmum stays up very late sewing some pouches. She’s planning something. The next day (presumably), the delightful grandmother is back!!!! I’m desperately hoping that this time she doesn’t break my heart. Right now she’s all happy because she’s admiring the nice smell of the pretty sachet she has; the other concubines present also have some. Crown Prince’s mom and the Empress are there, too. The grandmother, learning that Jingmum made the sachets, eagerly asks that she be invited into the hall. Apparently her status is so lowly she cannot visit the grandmother without permission?? That’s so unfair. I wonder if the Emperor’s displeasure with Jing is thus reflected onto Jing’s mother, or if she’s just always been a nobody.

(Sidenote: the Empress’ headdress is a MARVEL. It’s been a while since I’ve commented on costumes. That headdress might be my favourite costume piece of the episode. Either that, or Mei Chang Su’s cute white turtleneck thing.)

When Jingmum comes in, Princess Supreme Li Yang is there. She is so sweet? Jingmum offers her a gift of a sachet, too, but then uses that moment where she presses it into the Princess’ hand to squeeze her hand hard, and the Princess immediately knows something is up. This is a code of some kind, probably a “we need to talk” or something similar.

Grand Empress Dowager, meanwhile, has another memory time slip; she seems to think that Jingmum is new to the harem, and is still just as warm and kind to her, because she’s such a wonderful old lady.

And THEN THIS HAPPENS:

“After Consort Chen gave birth, she isn’t feeling very well. You are a medical maid. Since the Lin family sent you here, you must take good care of her.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. As the grandmother says this, EVERYONE gets visibly nervous and the music gets very tense. There is no Consort Chen, the Empress says. She died a long time ago.

The poor old grandmother immediately is extremely distressed, and starts begging for her eldest grandson. What has happened to her eldest grandson? She cries. Nothing good, I think. Darn it, this old woman has punched me in the heart AGAIN. I will never trust a scene with her in it ever again, so help me. The various women flutter around trying to calm her, and order Jingmum out of the hall, saying this is her fault.

Okay: there is a LOT to unpack here. First: Consort Chen. I don’t know who she is, but clearly her death was NOT a natural one. It definitely had something to do with whatever went down twelve years ago. Second: the eldest grandson. I don’t know who he is? Maybe I’ve heard before, but not enough that I recognize his name. Presumably he was also part of that disaster. I’m assuming both he and his mom (?) were implicated in the same false treason that took down Lin Shu himself, because those women looked scared to hear those names brought up. Furthermore, if he was the eldest son, then I’m guessing that he was a main target in whatever plot went down. Third: the Lin family sent Jingmum? So she’s related to Lin Shu directly? (Aside: I know a bit more about how the various families are connected from where I am in ep16 now, but at the time I watched this I was a lot more up in the air.)

Later, Jingmum is visited by the Princess, who made up some excuse about a rash so she could visit the medically-skilled minor concubine. In truth, she’s just there because she got the signal earlier and wants to know why Jingmum wanted to talk. It’s a refreshing change to see Court women sneaking about for the sake of good, instead of because they’re wicked snakey people (looking at you, Crown Prince mom and Empress). Jingmum explains about what she overheard, and the Princess FREEZES. There’s a flashback, and oh my gosh. The princess was given the wine by HER OWN MOTHER???? WHO ARRANGED HER DAUGHTER’S DRUGGING TO ENABLE THE MARQUIS TO HAVE HIS WAY WITH HER???? THEREBY TRAPPING HER IN AN IMPOSSIBLE DILEMMA OF DISHONOR UNLESS SHE MARRIED HIM?? This is despicable. It’s horrific. And I feel horrible for both the Princess and for Jing Rui, who surely knows nothing of this, and ughhhhhhh. It’s so gross. HER OWN MOM.

Anyway, the Princess is first angry that this painful history is brought up, but when she realizes someone is in danger of suffering this fate today, she is first shocked and then turns all to steel. Jingmum tells her only she can save Ni Huang, who is surely the target of the unknown schemer. Many people are desperate to be allied to Ni Huang and her family via marriage right now. Somehow, they have to protect her.

Does Lin Shu know this is going on???? I can’t imagine how he would, but surely he won’t be kept in the dark for long.

Speaking of Lin Shu, the kids are still flailing around with their swords and they look more adept now. Chang Su congratulates them and they all grin back at him and it’s very cute. This has probably been the best week of their lives. Why is he so good with kids??? The cynic in me is like “because he’s good at manipulating people” but I like to think it’s the Lin Shu part of him, not the Chang Su, that connects with them. Anyway, Fei Liu is like an angry, jealous cat until Chang Su, somehow managing to keep a straight face, gives him a very deliberate compliment to mollify him.

And then: Jing is back! And never mind what I said earlier, HIS costume might be my favourite of the episode. Those strong, vibrant colors? That bright red belt? LOOKING GOOD, JING.

The children scamper off to play, but Ting Sheng pauses to smile shyly at Jing before he goes and I melt a little. Jing is here to check on the boy, but also to let Chang Su know he’s researched his background. Is it just me, or did Chang Su look a bit excited at that? He lights up a little at the prospect of finding out how well he’s duped Prince Jing. A little too well, as it turns out. Jing is particularly cutting as he says, funny story, he tends to be pretty ignorant of politics (heavily implying that politics is the Worst), but he has found out that Mei Chang Su is buddies with both the Crown Prince AND Prince Yu, isn’t that interesting? Coming from someone as forthright and firmly principled as Jing, this is a slap in the face. He somehow manages to even turn how he sips his tea into a diss. Chang Su definitely pauses here; I honestly think Lin Shu planned for this, but that he didn’t anticipate how much it would sting to have Jing think so little of him. He CLEARLY cares a lot about Jing’s opinion of him, which might prove problematic to his persona, I imagine. He says he’s not their friend, they just both want him as their ally, and Jing scoffs: surely the great Mei Chang Su didn’t come to the capitol NOT to try to seize power?

No, that is true, agrees Chang Su. He does want to help guide the next Emperor. Jing looks a little disappointed, but not surprised. He asks with pointed restraint whether Chang Su is going to support the Crown Prince or Prince Yu.

And this is the moment Lin Shu has been waiting for, for who knows how long–you can tell that this is a moment he has been longing for–he doesn’t want either of them. I’d like to choose you.

I did NOT see this coming, but the instant he said it I was like YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! He’s not just tearing down: he’s building up!! It’s not just about ruining the people he hates, he is going to beat them at their own game by raising up an Emperor HE wants!!!! Omg. Omg. So hyped. This revelation made me SO. HAPPY. Because it makes the stakes IMPOSSIBLY higher, and it also makes me love Lin Shu even more. Because this is solid confirmation that this isn’t just a revenge story, and I’m just ECSTATIC because this game Lin Shu is playing is also going to be soooooo much more complicated and multilayered than I had anticipated if Jing as Emperor is his end goal. He’s going to have to play the court like a fiddle, and omg I can’t wait to see him work. Plus, I WANT JING TO BE EMPEROR. So I am aaaaaaall in. This is the best reveal ever.

Jing, meanwhile, almost gets whiplash from how fast he turns to stare at the placidly smiling Chang Su. He looks absolutely dazed for a good few seconds, and it’s adorable–and then he bursts out laughing. This poor man.

He sits down and downs a cup of tea like it’s a shot, which made me laugh in the midst of my giddy excitement, ahahahaha, and then, slightly bitterly, Jing lays out plainly to this strategist just how impossible it is for him to reach the throne. His mother is of low rank, he has no noble family connections through her, he has no connections in the world of politics or in any of the various government ministries, he’s spent basically his entire adult life soldiering and so has no worthy connections there, he is not even a high-ranked prince himself even though he’s 31 because, oh yeah, his dad the current Emperor HATES HIM. So, good luck with that, Chang Su. Hearing Jing list all the ways he’s a (supposed) failure made me so sad. I know basically nothing about him as a person, but I know on instinct that he deserves so much better. Again: the acting is so good. Also the music. The Music starts up in this scene and it’s awesome.

Chang Su looks levelly at Jing. I know you are at a disadvantage, he says. But I have no other choice. And for just a second, he sounds DANGEROUS. It’s one of the few times so far, I think, that Lin Shu is speaking 100% honestly, no restraint or hiding behind masks, but pure INTENT, and the depth of the emotion he had in that one line was just–yes. Yes, do it. Take down those who wronged you, and work impossible wonders to get Jing made Emperor. DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

(Just … Do it without hurting Jing Rui?)

(Meanwhile, the Princess Supreme tries to visit Ni Huang but Ni Huang is away for the day. So much for that storyline for the moment.)

Back at the Snow Cottage, Chang Su tries to pour Jing more tea while explaining his plan, but Jing is stone-cold not having it–neither the tea, nor this conversation in general. I hate how distrustful he is, but it makes total sense from his point of view. Especially since he was connected to the Event™ somehow 12 yrs ago, if not politically then emotionally. Small wonder that he’s so distrustful and defensive! His continuing bad relationship with the Emperor has to stem from then, because he still believes that the people implicated were innocent. Ni Huang also thinks this, seemingly, but she’s more subtle about it so I guess she got a free pass. Jing comes across as a man who has grown accustomed to being always lonely and unable to trust anyone, let alone grow close to anyone, and it’s horrible even though I believe that the way he has frozen up is what has kept him alive this long, I, Claudius style–if the Crown Prince and Prince Yu thought him a threat, they’d surely have taken him out by now because he is not protected by the Emperor’s good opinion–or, well, by anything, come to think of it. Furthermore, his own father could easily interpret any semblance of ambition as treasonous? Because of his apparent sympathy to the people who died a dozen years earlier, it would be a very small logical leap for the already disapproving Emperor to make. His position in both the kingdom and his own family is terribly vulnerable and I can’t blame him for having adapted the way he has. But I don’t want him to be that way??? I want him to be happy. Gah. WHY CANT THE GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS SHOW JUST BE HAPPY.

(Sidenote: I wonder if he has any sort of subconscious recognition of Lin Shu like how Ni Huang has, but if it’s affecting him in an opposite way–making him even MORE guarded and hostile, instead of instinctively trusting this stranger. Based off the music cues and the acting, Lin Shu and Jing definitely have a Past. I’m eager to find out what that Past is, but also–I’m very scared. The more these two interact the worse I’m going to feel watching it, probably.)

Chang Su tells him he wants to support him simply because political success while backing such a hopeless candidate for the throne will make him, Chang Su, look even more impressive than he would if he worked with one of the other two Princes. Jing seems to believe that this selfish, ugly motive is the truth, which is good for Lin Shu’s goals and secret identity, but also–ughhhhhh. Jing also comments on how he cannot understand how people like Chang Su, who are obsessed with political manipulation and power grabs, think. Again–this is the WORST, because Lin Shu CLEARLY understands Jing really well. So presumably Jing would similarly understand Lin Shu if he knew who he was. But he doesn’t, so. Shu just keeps impaling himself on the sword of Jing’s scorn to coax the stubbornly righteous prince into working with him.

(Sidenote: Jing has THE most beautiful eyebrows. They’re so impressive. Truly worthy of gracing an Emperor. Crown Prince’s sad ‘stache shouldn’t stand a chance.)

Finally, Chang Su asks Jing plainly if he WANTS either of the other princes to take the throne. Jing is visibly upset by this and says essentially that if Chang Su is as great a strategist as everyone says, then he should know the answer to that already. Chang Su smiles and says of course he does: he IS the Divine Talent, after all. I still am amused that he even has that name for himself? But it seems to be well-earned, so go ahead and call yourself whatever you like, Chang Su. Does this mean we can say he actually has four names? Good grief.

Jing gets VERY intense and says that there’s no hope of the throne for himself, but he will do ANYTHING if the Divine Talent can prevent those other two from taking the throne. (Actually, hilariously, the subtitles on dramafever have him say he would “pay whatever prince it takes” but I’m assuming he’s actually meaning he’d pay any price, metaphorically speaking, not that he’d bribe any prince. Because that would kinda go against his whole character as established up to this point, so.)

Chang Su tells Jing that Ting Sheng’s freedom will be his first gift to him. If Jing accepts that gift, then they will be partners in this play for power. Jing is clearly conflicted over this, and soothes his uneasy conscience by telling Chang Su plainly that he does not like sneaky, manipulative people like this, so even if Chang Su does help him to the throne, Chang Su isn’t guaranteed any kind of fame or reward. Chang Su–who, again, looked ever so slightly hurt by Jing’s appraisal of his character–says that’s fine; there is time enough for negotiating rewards later. What really matters to him is how Jing’s temperament is different from the other two Princes’.

(Also, the music, you guys. THE MUSIC. WHY IS THE OST NOT ON ITUNES.)

We’ve never met, Jing tells him coldly. How could you know what my temperament is like? Oh, Prince Jing. I have only known you as long as the fake Mei Chang Su has, and even I know what your temperament is like. Also, did Shu slip in saying what he did, or was it planned? It felt spontaneous. He backs off the statement a little, changing tack and instead reminding Jing that if he doesn’t want the other two princes as Emperor, then Jing is the only other possible successor; no other prince is eligible. The scene ends there, but–I think Chang Su has got him. I think Jing is the type that he won’t be able to get those plainly presented facts out of his head, and he’ll talk himself into actually going for the throne just so he can stop his terrible brother’s. I don’t think Chang Su has to push him anymore, he just needed to plant that seed. I’m so excited.

Cut to Marquis Xie, who is apparently having his wife followed??? His wife, who he drugged and raped decades ago???? He can NOT get any worse, what a disgusting slug of a man. Unfortunately he seems like he’s also very clever. Unfortunate for Lin Shu’s scheming, that is; it’s very fortunate for the story because watching Shu work his magic wouldn’t be anywhere NEAR as compelling or as satisfying if he was just given a bunch of straw men opponents to knock down. Major kudos to the show (and, I’m assuming, the novel) for making basically everyone intelligent. A lot of times stories with brilliant protagonists just write everyone else as stupid so that the protagonist just seems smart; making EVERYONE smart is way harder to write, but the payoff is HUGE. Yes, Mei Chang Su does make some Sherlock-Holmes-esque leaps of logic sometimes that don’t NECESSARILY have to lead to what he concludes, but that being said it’s usually pretty solidly done, plus he has tripped up a couple times anyway, so he isn’t always right. I can live with a handful of convenient deductions when the narrative and emotional payoff is this good.

Anyway, back to what I was saying: Marquis Gross is having people follow his wife. He knows that she tried to visit Ni Huang and that she was not successful. I’m curious about WHY he is spying on her, though. Is he just a jealous husband? Or does he have spies tailing other people, too? I would have thought he’d have had Mei Chang Su followed by now, if that were the case.

Back at the Snow Cottage, Meng is peering at Ting Sheng while the boy sleeps. It’s not as creepy as it sounds. Also, I half expected Meng to accidentally drip candle wax on the kid’s face and wake him up, lolll. He nods at Chang Su like he’s confirming something, and once they are back at Chang Su’s tea table–an already iconic location in this show, tbh–he says something about are you sure that slave kid is Prince Qi’s son? And instantly I’m like ohhhhhhh, wait. Wait. Is Prince Qi the supposed leader of the fake rebellion, the dead grandson the old grandma Empress was crying about earlier?? The oldest prince????? Because of COURSE Jing would care about this boy, if so. But the Emperor can have no idea, I would think? Otherwise this boy would be dead, I’m prettttttttty certain.

Lin Shu lays all this out, and Meng admits the boy looks like the dead prince a lot. He then brightens and says, well, at least this shows the gods have a conscience! The look on Lin Shu’s face when Meng says that–somehow, I reeeeeeally doubt he feels the same, lol. Again, Meng asks what happened 12 years ago and how Lin Shu survived, what horrors has he had to go through, to be here alive but apparently 100% transformed? Once again, Shu sidesteps this question. Once again, I am incredibly frustrated. He says the only thing about his survival that matters is that he will not let this life he’s managed to cling to go to waste.

Then we cut to Ni Huang sitting in what I assume is her manor? Her armor and campaign map are on display in the background anyway, nice touch. She’s reading something. Her brother comes in and asks about the children’s chances against Baili Qi (oh yeah, almost forgot about him after that Jing-Shu talk scene) and Ni Huang doesn’t seem like she was that impressed. Her brother is instantly upset and starts to march over to Chang Su’s house in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (I love this brash kid) but Ni Huang sharply forbids him. She reminds him, too, that just because the kids might not defeat Baili Qi doesn’t mean SHE can’t. I totally believe Ni Huang could take him, because I want to believe in her. She’s amazing.

Back to the Snow Cottage, Meng is aghast at the notion of Jing vying for the throne. He’s definitely worried that this plan will get Jing killed. Heck, IM worried about the same thing! But Lin Shu has an answer–a terrible, terrifying, heartbreaking answer:

Doesn’t he still have me? Leave all those despicable and ruthless tactics to me. If we are to overthrow those evil villains, the innocent are bound to be hurt. At times, we might even have to be ruthless to them. If Prince Jing can’t bear to inflict such pain, I will.

There is a LOT to unpack from this little speech (once I stop sniffling and blink these drafted tears from my eyes). Firstly! Lin Shu knows how Jing is limited by his morals and principles AND HE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE THAT. He is not setting out to make Jing into a more ruthless person; he needs Jing to stay, well, Jing, if he is going to succeed in putting a Good Emperor on the throne. Secondly!! STAY AWAY FROM JING RUI AND YU JIN. It seems my instincts that Mei Chang Su somehow befriended Jing Rui for ulterior motives is were correct, ughhhhh. Thirdly!!! This speech comes RIGHT on the heels of his previous statement that never mind what horrific suffering he has endured; the important thing is that he is alive and thus he must not waste his life. This plan of his seems more and more like a sacrificial suicide of both body and soul; he knows he doesn’t have long to live (according to his conversation in episode 1), and so he risks what little time he has left by going back to the capitol and exerting himself far beyond what I imagine is safe, both mentally and physically. Not only that, but he knows good, upright Jing would never stoop to the underhanded machinations necessary to win the throne on his own, so here comes Lin Shu willing to sacrifice his own sense of righteousness to keep Jing Good as well as to make him win. We’ve had enough clues now that I really, really, REALLY don’t think this scheming and manipulating and cold calculatory nature is something that is actually natural to our sickly avenger. It is simply that in his mind the end goal justifies any means, ANY AT ALL, and that includes not only hurting innocents, but also hurting himself. Before Lin Shu throws any innocent or good person to the wolves for the sake of Jing’s success, he is throwing his own self away. Before his body perishes, he is already attempting this suicide of self: now that he has his life, he has to make sure it is not wasted. He exists only to get his vengeance and to eradicate the corruption in his family and the government that essentially cost him his life all those years ago, and this means he exists only to use himself up as a sacrifice to ensure Jing wins this harrowing political game. Meng has commented repeatedly on how this Lin Shu is physically changed. He is trying to hold to an equally drastic mental change. In light of this revelation, all of his scenes with Ni Huang, who is subconsciously drawn to the Lin Shu that’s still in there, are made approximately 500% more painful. UGHHHH.

I’m still not over this scene; I might never be over this scene; but I have to move on, so now we cut to the Princess, Jing Rui’s mom. She tells her maids to cover for her and then makes a spectacularly conspicuous escape from her rooms, heading to the cottage where Mei Chang Su is staying. Seriously, she is still in her fine silks, she’s carrying a lantern larger than her head; all she did was cover her hair with a lovely hood. I don’t know where her husband’s spies are right now? But they should be fired.

But somehow she sneaks successfully to Chang Su’s door. He looks surprised, but lets her in for a chat after Meng stealths away. She’s come to tell him about the plot she was told about to drug Ni Huang. He asks can’t she put a stop to this without his help? This poor woman looks decidedly bitter as she tells him that her high rank as Princess Supreme really isn’t much use. She can’t do anything herself for fear that her husband and children will be implicated, and she doesn’t have anyone to accuse anyway. Chang Su assures her he will help. I really like this woman; I don’t have her name down yet. Li Yang? Something like that. She’s so pretty and her voice is so distinct, and I feel so badly for her. And how brave she is to take this risk in the hopes of saving Ni Huang from what happened to her!

But uh-oh, there’s trouble: the Marquis is on his way to his wife’s empty room. The Princess Supreme’s maids panic, until this utterly fantastic old maid (or governess, of somesuch? An old servant who knows how to play people just as well as Mei Chang Su, anyway) takes the situation in hand. She tells the Marquis his wife doesn’t want visitors. When he protests that but it’s him, though! She responds with oh, his wife ESPECIALLY doesn’t want to see him. Something happened with grandmother Empress today and she saw a room in the palace that reminded her of something that happened a long time ago, soooo …

This scene was brilliant. He backs down SO fast–and almost looks ashamed??? Too little, too late, you horrid man. I have no sympathy for him at all. But as a result of his guilty response (which includes him exhorting the old woman to make sure his wife is well-cared for and then him walking away comically FAST) the Princess Supreme’s late-night visit remains a secret, and she herself remains safe. Or as safe as she can be while living under that villain’s roof. Take out the Marquis, Lin Shu, do it, do it now!!

Chang Su walks the Princess Supreme out of his house to be polite, looking very calm, but the instant she’s gone his smile drops and he runs–or the closest we’ve ever seen him run, lolllll this poor invalid man–back into his cottage. Meng comes out of whatever cupboard he was hiding in (hey–where was Fei Liu this whole time? I just realized he was absent) and is like who could possibly want to drug Ni Huang???? Lin Shu, very deep in thought, says it has to be either the Empress or the favored Consort, the Crown Prince’s mother. And he says they won’t know which it is until one of them summons Ni Huang to the palace.

Aaaaand, end episode! Hoo boy, a LOT happened in this one, and again–it was all really important! Except for the boys training, I mean it’s important that they ARE training but those were the only scenes I felt like I didn’t have to pay attention to reaaaaal closely. Jing moves further into the foreground of the action in a big way, and we FINALLY get inside Lin Shu’s head a little as he shares at least a major part of what his endgame is. The stakes are sky high, everyone, and I worry that he’s not going to be able to handle what must be an immense amount of stress that will only worsen as things progress. He’s already having a hard time around Ni Huang, and he hasn’t been in court very long. Also, this cliffhanger is the most intense one yet, because it involves Ni Huang’s safety. I agree with the Princess Supreme that Ni Huang is clever enough to keep herself safe once she’s tipped off, so I hope Chang Su really can warn her at the palace fight! Too bad she can’t just punch the Empress or the Consort in the face, or something. That would be satisfying.

Next up: Episode 5! Hopefully I can get the post written and posted before my plane flight on Sunday. Also, I have a dance competition on Saturday, so really I would have to finish episode 5’s post by Friday to be able to post it before sometime late Sunday … I will try, but I can’t promise for sure.

Also! Sunday marks the beginning of my 10-day tour of Okinawa, which means my updates here will largely rely upon when I can find wifi. Adjust your expectations accordingly and just be prepared for my replies to comments and asks to be less prompt for a few days. And thanks again, guys, for making this viewing experience such a fun one, despite me putting off watching the show for about two years now? I only started writing these episode reactions/recaps for a couple individuals who specifically asked to know my thoughts, and I never expected there would be more of you out there who would be reading along, too, considering the show ended so long ago! Being able to chat with you all is really enhancing my first-time viewing experience, so thanks for that ^_^

#nirvana in fire #badpoet watches nif #badpoet watches #nif response ep4 #long post #cdramas

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matthewlance · 6 years ago

Text

the not so friendly advice

Characters → Matthew Lance / Madeline De Witt [ @madsdewitt ]

Location → JLU Gym

Time Frame → A few days before Maddie leaves for Paris

Maddie was on her way towards the JLU gym to meet with Matt to get her schedule from him. Trying to finish up everything she needed to do before she left for a month, seeing Matt was one of the last things she needed to do. Spotting him in his desk, she walked over with a small smile. “H-Hi, do you h-have my schedule? I c-can’t have too much c-carbs because they m-make me b-bloat and the c-camera will catch it.”

Matthew had been at his desk inside the trainers’s office doing some paperwork when the sound of Madeline’s voice broke his concentration. Opening up a drawer after nodding his head, he took out a small folder that contained a detailed outline of what he expected Madeline to do and eat. “I’m aware,” he told her, getting up and handing the girl the folder. “Just because you won’t be seeing me for a month doesn’t mean I don’t expect you to follow my regime as if you were still seeing me.”

Maddie raised a brow when she saw the folder that seemed rather thick. “I-Is th-that just all my w-work out for the month?” she asked curiously, feeling rather daunted by the folder. Taking the folder from him, she opened it and scanned some of it. “B-But you w-won’t even know if I-I’m doing them o-or not,” she mumbled. “Y-You made s-sure I’m doing w-work outs where I don’t c-come out looking too m-muscular right?”

Matthew rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to throw some sort of insult at her. “I do this for a living. Don’t you think I know what I’m doing? Just because I’m a personal trainer doesn’t mean I train people to become body builders.”

Maddie backed away when she realized what she had just said before laughing. “I know b-b-but I just wanted to make sure b-because the camera catches everything and th-then I have to open the runway a-and I’m kind of nervous. I just w-want to l-look my best. You should w-watch the VA show this y-year.”

Matthew continued to roll his eyes at her. “Like I’ve told you before, you’re not the first model I’ve worked for. Please don’t underestimate me.” He shook his head as he went back to his desk, letting out this sort of half scoff half laugh when she suggested that he watch the show. “For you?”

Maddie grew annoyed with the fact that he kept rolling his eyes at her, making her narrow her eyes at him. “And I-I’m guessing that you gave h-her your own special work out a-as well?” she asked, crossing her arms. “Wh-Why not? You a-also get to see scantily clad w-women. It’s a w-win win situation for you is i-it not?”

Matthew sat back down and nodded his head. “I give all my clients special work outs. That’s kind of the point of being a personal trainer, Madeline.” He then laughed at what the brunette said, leaning back against his chair. “Did you just call seeing you at the show a win?”

Maddie sighed and pursed her lips. “That’s not r-r-really what I meant w-with the work out,” she mumbled. Her jaw dropped a little when he asked her if her seeing her was a win, she shook her head furiously. “N-No not a-at all! I-I’m just saying th-that other women half n-naked is a win f-for you.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow. “Did Madeline De Witt make a sex joke?” he questioned, crossing his arms as he continued to look at the brunette. Seeing the look on her face when she tried to correct what she said, Matt simply shook his head. “No, you said it would be a win-win situation for me - seeing you at the show and seeing half naked women. You considered seeing you a win.”

Maddie smirked and nodded her head eagerly. “I-I’m learning t-to be one of the b-boys,” she joked and furrowed her brows when he spoke again. Her cheeks started to heat up and she grew nervous. Never did she ever think she was someone worth watching on TV or really being a fan of since she knew that there were better models than her. “Th-That’s not what I m-meant. I meant, y-y-you should w-watch it to s-support me and th-then you w-win because of the h-half n-naked women you c-can ogle!”

Matthew simply laughed, surprised that the girl managed that out of him. “I’m pleasantly surprised. I didn’t even know you knew what sex was,” he said, though it was clear he was teasing her rather than insulting her. Matt noticed her cheeks becoming a softer shade of red, making his head cock to the side curiously. “It’s okay. I get it. You’re trying to impress your stupidly hot trainer. It’s understandable.”

Maddie grinned when he laughed rather than through her an insult. “S-Sex is th-that thing p-people do to m-make b-babies right?” she asked, pretending to be dumb about it.“ She was enjoying the fact that they were now teasing rather than fighting. Her jaw then dropped when he accused her of trying to impress him and calling himself hot. "N-No way! I-I would n-n-never try to impress you. Y-You’ve made it c-clear the o-only one impressing you is K-Kara. I’m t-trying to impress Oliver.”

Matthew couldn’t stop himself from another eye roll when Madeline brought up Oliver. He hid it, however, glancing down and making it seem like he was looking over some of his paperwork on the desk. “That doesn’t make any sense. Then why tell me to watch. You’re obviously trying to impress me. Stop hiding it.”

Maddie scoffed and glared at him when he kept talking about her trying to impress him. “Wh-Whatever,” she muttered and childishly stuck her tongue out at him. “S-So I’m g-going to see Oliver b-before I leave. D-Do you have a-any advice on wh-what I should d-do or say? It’s a-also th-the first time I see him after I, um, k-k-kissed and he j-just said thank you.”

Matthew stopped pretending to look at papers and looked up at her. A nice person would have tried not to laugh when Madeline revealed Oliver had said thank you after they kissed. Matt, however, wasn’t a nice person. He laughed like he heard the funniest joke ever. “He said ‘thank you?”

Maddie glared at Matt when he started to laugh about what she had said. Maybe she shouldn’t have revealed that to Matt but he was the only one that knew Oliver and might have insights on him because he was dating Oliver’s best friend. “S-Stop that. I-I’m s-sure Kara wouldn’t appreciate you m-m-making fun of her best friend. J-Just help me figure out what t-to say and we can b-be on our way.”

Matthew continued to laugh, finding the whole thing way too hilarious. “No, I know she wouldn’t appreciate it, but she’s not here.” Running a hand through his hair, he looked over at her and shrugged. “Tell him he’s a fucking idiot and you’ve moved on. Whatever happened to the other dude?”

Maddie huffed when he continued to laugh, feeling offended for Oliver that Matt was still making fun of him. “E-Enough before I-I tell your g-girlfriend that you’re m-making fun of her b-best friend,” she threatened him and glared even harder at him when insulted Oliver. “W-We met so I-I could tell him that I-I was leaving but th-that was it. B-B-B-Back to Oliver, wh-what do I say to him?”

Matthew scoffed and got up once again. “You don’t even talk to my girlfriend,” he told her, crossing his arms and leaning against his desk. “Look, I can’t say I know the guy all that well aside from what I observe and from what Kara tells me and from what you’ve told me. The guy is super weird and annoying as shit. That’s pretty much what I know. I don’t know why you ask me for advice when I always give you the same one. Move on. You deserve better.”

Maddie watched Matt get up and lean against his desk, feeling rather annoyed by the way that he was talking about Oliver. It was no secret that Maddie was protective over Oliver and didn’t like the way Matt would speak about him. “Y-You’re no help at all. H-He’s a good person and it j-just seems like he has a lot of b-baggage.” Maddie paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to ask him. “H-Has Kara ever t-talked to you a-about Oliver and h-his problems? Wh-Why he is the way that h-he is?”

Matthew shrugged when she asked him if Kara ever told him anything about Oliver. “We don’t exactly have deep conversations about your imaginary boyfriend. She’s told me some stuff here and there, but I’m sure they’re things you already know. Dead parents, a girl, he’s Oliver - you know, those problems.”

Maddie already knew about Oliver’s parents passing but she didn’t know about some girl. “G-Girl?” she asked, her interest peaking. “O-Oliver’s n-never told me about s-some girl. Did sh-she tell you more about her? W-Was th-this a recent th-thing? H-He’s told me about h-his parents.”

Matthew nodded his head. “She didn’t need to tell me more about her. I knew her.”

Maddie looked at Matt with more interest when he talked about knowing the girl. “S-So this w-was recent? Wh-What was the girl like?” she asked, wanting to know what kind of girls Oliver was into.

Matthew furrowed his eyebrows with how Maddie was so curious over this. “What is recent? I don’t know. It was like a year or so ago. Two years maybe? I don’t know. If you consider a year recent, then yeah. The girl was weird. To me, at least. I usually just saw her at bars.”

Maddie sighed and chewed the inside of her cheek before nodding her head. “Everyone i-is w-weird to you.” Trying to figure out how to ask her question, Maddie paused for a moment. “I-Is sh-she prettier than m-me?”

Matthew lowered his arms after she asked her questions, the hardened look on his face softening subtly. “Madeline,” he began with a small sigh. “Let me put it this way - you’re a model. She wasn’t.”

Maddie nodded her head before she sighed. She wanted ask Matt then why Oliver wasn’t showing any interest in her but decided against it knowing that Matt probably didn’t know the answer. “Th-Thanks,” she whispered softly with a smile. “I-I should go and start getting r-ready for my trip. Th-Thanks again for schedule. I-I’ll see you next month.”

Matthew stared at her with a bit of a tilt to his head before nodding as well. “No problem,” he said, standing up straighter. “I expect daily reports. I need to know that you’re actually keeping on schedule. And uh, have fun or whatever. I’ll see you next month.” Not saying anything else after that, he gave her what could maybe be described as this tiny resemblance of a smile, though he quickly turned around and sat back down at his desk to get ready for his upcoming client.

#chat #chat:mdw001

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collymore · 7 years ago

Text

The Harry Windsor and Meghan Markle Phenomenon!

By Stanley Collymore

I won’t ever dream of nor will I at any stage or given moment in time either unprofessionally or even more so ludicrously, damagingly and quite evidently too idiotically permit myself to be coercively, self-servingly, egotistically or falsely drawn into what, in my candid opinion, is a perceptibly feral amalgamation of what in itself and by any accurately espoused and truly balanced explanation constitute a feral combination plus a wholly and sickeningly grotesque exposition of what is both essentially and furthermore quite undoubtedly a totally bizarre but, even so, a fully expected by some, and a rather hubristically and unchallenging subscription to the callous, spiteful, racist, glaringly apparent and the concertedly hurled at will repulsive insults and the mass of unpardonable humiliation spuriously but, all the same, malevolently directed at Meghan Markle: the African-American fiancée and bride to be of Harry Windsor, her forthcoming husband and currently fifth in line hereditarily to the British throne.

And I’m most emphatic regarding all this that I absolutely will not, even remotely so, confer even a scintilla of recognition to these manifestly sick, attention-seeking, headline-grabbing, obsessively in search of, in tune with their deep-seatedly ingrained, infamous and recurrently as well transient exposure to, dubious “fame” purveyors of racial bigotry, concentrated Black hatred and their calculated disinformation, quite common of such intellectually impoverished, lowlife, redneck retards and the plethora of other similarly hardened, white Caucasian cretins looking to garner support for their endeavour, while fervently deriving enormous satisfaction from their perversely conceived, actively and rabidly proselytized and, obviously, demented, sociopathic undertakings.

Since, as I envision it, falling in love mutually with that special one whom you’ve always dreamt of meeting, doing so eventually and happily discovering that they similarly share a reciprocal interest as well as a deep-seated ambition for the two of you to jointly share the rest of your earthly lives together in mutual happiness and blessed matrimony is a realization which, by any descriptive terminology and authoritatively speaking, is literally second to no other hoped for experience.

And you Meghan Markle: a buoyant exposition of discernible intellect, accomplished poise, polished culture, impeccable self-confidence; a markedly perfected awareness of the positive contribution you’re capable of coupled with the unsurpassable determination on your part that you’ve already faultlessly shown to those who’re very much aware of what you’ve diligently been doing to make a general and crucially a truthfully meaningful difference socially and societally in this world which we live in, and most particularly so for those forced through absolutely detestable circumstances, and invariably through no fault at all of their own, to cruelly find themselves inexcusably and customarily inescapably in the process entrenched in. Counteractions by you Meghan which represent a consummate summation of Black, and as it additionally happens in your case Meghan Markle African-American, Beauty and most reassuringly inspirational progress at its peerless best!

Meanwhile, you Harry Windsor a prince of the British realm and privileged by any criterion that one can rationally employ in the circumstances you find yourself in, have impressively matured over the years from the rather rebellious royal tearaway that you seemingly gloried in, and figuratively with nobs on at the time, to become nowadays a remarkably outstanding, matured in mind, conscionable and as well an astonishingly, exceptionally hardworking man. One whom your late mother Princess Diana, by me and naturally countless millions of others not only within Britain but globally too was intensely loved and adored, would, I’m entirely sure, immeasurably and thoroughly ongoing be tremendously and deservingly so be proud of you Harry. And not only of your many and rising achievements but also the personal love of your life and a most commendable choice as your preferred wife: A Unique Diamond; Black unmistakably and with her own distinctive sparkle �� Meghan Markle!

Frankly, if Meghan Markle was a relative of mine or even one of my former university students I would unhesitatingly advise her to call the whole fucking thing off; for apart from her allegedly tainting this so-called Royal family by her mere presence among it and that she’s getting herself into, she’s instead realistically and effectively making a much needed positive contribution to it and in so doing transforming these ridiculous robots into passable human beings.

And I would further advise her that if Harry, who is evidently in love with her, still wants to marry her to insist for her part that as a condition of this that he doesn’t get in the way of her continuing to work and independently support herself as she’s always done by doing what she loves and consequently fuck all these, to me, meaningless and pathetic so-called royal duties. For Meghan clearly has the intellectual acumen - not all that noticeable among many of those who comprise the Royal Family and from the very top of this rather corrupt and decadent tree – demonstrable ability and commitment to be her own woman and doesn’t need a bunch of transparently dysfunctional prats of a family on Harry side to bestow on her any street-cred economically or as a human being that she already has in abundance.

And let’s face facts! The House of Windsor is one of the most dysfunctional families not only in Britain but globally, collectively as well as in terms of the vast majority of its constituent members. And if it wasn’t at the top of this irrational layer of so-called superiority throughout Britain no one would bother to give it a second thought and would accordingly treat it as it jolly well deserves. But as is the nature of Britain’s deeply ingrained class system and cap-doffing by its idiotic Plebeians and social climbers we have a thoroughly ass over head situation entrenched in Britain.

For Elizabeth Windsor, aka the Queen, and Philip Mountbatten her consort who it’s being ridiculously trumpeted by all these Cap-doffing nerds that for 70 years he’s been the epitome of faithfulness to Elizabeth and vice-versa she with him – give me a fucking break will you as I live in the real world – Yes! And using that fantasy rational Santa Claus and his reindeer REALLY exist, if you also asininely think so.

To be blunt both Elizabeth and Philip were and have always been lousy, non-tactile and uncommunicative parents to their children, allowing her demented, social climbing and inured racist mother Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon to get firm and unhealthily sick grip on her grandchildren, and most particularly so Charles, shaping him irreversibly into the weird character that he subsequently became.

There’s a very popular soap opera in the UK called Doc Martin and in one brilliant episode Martin’s parents, and particularly so his mother, quite graphically and most cold-bloodedly outlined to him how that even legitimately having conceived him nevertheless from their own sick perspective his arrival in the world actually fucked up their social climbing and selfish lives for which he was never forgiven and they wished they’d never had him, and was the genesis undoubtedly for why their son Martin turned out to someone wholly incapable of responding naturally, warmly or affectionately to anyone and obviously lacked all normal human skills of social activity with other people he encountered on a daily basis, and that included the woman whom he rather bizarrely married. Someone that he was evidently in love with, as she also was with him but noticeably unable to communicate that love in any openly meaningful or unmistakeably non-confrontational way.

Elizabeth and Philip, whatever disingenuous, sycophantic or lying crap that the bootlickers to hereditarianism might otherwise tell you, are a classic example of Doc Martin’s parents. They had kids because the hereditary firm to which they belong and relish in belonging to dictated that they have them, but in terms of these kids of theirs – either publicly known about or else kept secret – these two have as much empathy with their known offspring as having a dose of Epson’s Salts effectively does on the user taking it to relieve a bout of serious constipation or a persistently irritable bowel.

Margaret who I liked was the only one that showed any natural sparkle of what she could’ve become and was really like inside and only did this when she was away from Britain and in the Caribbean that she adored, and accounts for why she spent so much time there when she could break away from the stifling and stultifying atmosphere characteristic of the Windsor, Mountbatten and Bowes-Lyon families. And Charles is a figure, who desperately all of his life, has sought to do the same; but thoroughly and unnaturally hemmed in as he always was by the vile machinations of a his obviously manipulative, thankfully gone and good riddance I say, maternal grandmother came out the loser. Poor sod!

For there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever, and that opinion has never changed, that Charles and Camilla have always, as they still are, deeply in love with each other. And if he’d been left to his own devices they would happily have married as they currently are. But just as this social-climbing old cow did it in for Edward the VIII and Mrs Wallace primarily because she wanted to be Queen, he was next in line but Edward clearly seeing her for what she was preferred Mrs Wallace to her, and who could blame him, was instrumental in putting the boot in. After all she was now married to his brother George and that obsessive ambition of hers to be Queen of England could now be realized. And it was! In Charles case however, she knew he was reciprocally in love with Camilla but the fucking nonsense that stated any non-birth Queen of England must be a VIRGIN ruled Camilla out, so Diana who definitely was, and most insultingly too, was subjected to those battery of virginity tests, would in the mind of this sick matriarch Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon be Charles’ brood mare to produce the Royal Heir and Spare, while this old cow would behind the scenes encouraged his ongoing relationship with Camilla. And which is what happened, and tragically so for Diana. Double standards or what?

Diana produced two beautiful and well-balanced children in the praiseworthy image of their adorable mother, and Harry in my honest opinion is the epitome of what his beloved mother and a most normal human being, and not some Windsor robot, is and she herself would have wanted him to be. A very tactile Mum who knew how to relate to and spontaneously shower her children with love and natural affection, and something that’s factually millions of light years away from anything that’s remotely conceivable which Elizabeth and Philip could ever comprehend let alone administer. And I earnestly hope that Harry continues to follow in the footsteps of his adorable and adoring mother and that Meghan Markle who is not unlike in many ways from her late and would-be mother-in-law stands her ground and also refuse to become a Windsor clone.

It was always going to be a case of racist-hunting season once Harry and Meghan seriously got involved with each other. All sensible persons knew that. But when one has discernibly purblind cunts like WILLIAM HANSON – a so called etiquette expert – scraping the barrel and openly suggesting that Meghan Markle lacks class, my advice to this social climbing oik and the plethora of others out there like him is to check the Augean Stable that the House of Windsor/Mountbatten and all the other so-called aristocratic ones that both infest and infect the entire United Kingdom.

And how pathetic can one be when we see a headline of Meghan as being partial to having a weddin cake made of BANANAS! We Blacks all know what the subliminal, feral and rather idiotic message that’s being promoted and proselytized in this insult. Bananas being allegedly the favourite meal of apes, monkeys and other primates; and a distinctly biologically inferior species to which Meghan Markle a Black Woman naturally, it’s being suggested, manifestly belongs. The same bananas which were customarily and in some instances still nowadays are thrown at Black football players on the soccer pitch. And especially so when British football managers and others were routinely and openly saying and doing so in the most virulent and racist terms that Black footballers didn’t have what it essentially took to make the grade let alone become top-notch football players. Really? Well they fucking well absolutely got that wrong didn’t they? Now there’s not a single football team of note or hoping to be that does not have Black footballers in it. There are still no Black managers though! Go work that one out for yourselves why that’s the case!

Also much is being exaggeratedly made about Meghan’s biological family members. On her mother’s side we’re told that she’s descended from enslaved Black cotton pickers. Well now we know. So slavery was their fault I guess, just as it was the fault of my Barbadian enslaved ancestors. Meanwhile, that on her white father’s side of her family there was rampant racism and all the rest of it. Any Black person who isn’t cognizant of this sort of thing has either got to be a House Nigger or living in a world far removed from reality. For genuine Blacks know all about Slavery, Colonialism and all the rest of it; just as we’re well aware of your ingrained racism towards Meghan Markle. And anything to disparage this remarkable young, Black lady. Yes, you read that correctly – Lady!

A term that’s often undeservedly handed out to white women among the Windsor lot – but I wonder what the direct response of these cap-doffing Plebeians and social climbers would be if Meghan Markle prior to or after her marriage to Harry and despite all the security provided to her were to publicly claim or have it done on her behalf that she woke up in the middle of the night to find a supposed stranger who moreover was evidently not a member of her staff and therefore someone that was totally unfamiliar to her as well as the layout of her private residence not only in her bedroom but in her bed of all places?

In Meghan Markel’s case the automatic public response and virulent condemnatory reaction and remarks would be along the lines of: “Pull the other one! She obviously and bloody well invited this man to be there!” With the British media chiming in with: “We told you all along that this woman was a tart!” And: “Harry has only himself to blame, as he should never have married her. You know what these nigger sluts are like!” With other suggestions that one can take the pig out of the sty but not the sty out of the pig.

Yet this is precisely what was alleged to have happened to Elizabeth Windsor-Mountbatten in Buckingham Palace of all places with its superfluity of massive security at every conceivable level, and not a solitary suspicion of disbelief or any act of condemnation of this woman from what’s basically a gullible, effortlessly manipulated, conspicuously brain-dead, and an utterly inured white racist, cap-doffing collective of significantly intellectually impoverished British retards was ever voiced or would have been countenanced. Well here’s me explicitly saying what I always considered and still believe was the case, and a state of affairs wholly removed from what to anyone with a functioning brain in their head, not remotely interested in useless gongs, and prepared to use that aforementioned brain to think for themselves.

Similarly, the current Archbishop of Canterbury who with the bunch of cretinously induced nerds and head of the Christian Church of which I’ve been a practising member along with my family all my life recently, about a couple of years ago or so, inadvertently discovered well into his maturity and also in his current position as Archbishop of Canterbury that his biological mother was a knowing and scheming trollop who had no scruples whatsoever of putting it about sexually and most decidedly so with an avowed “aristocratic” English cad and accordingly opportunely and most cynically got some dupe, whom she hurriedly got to marry her with all the bogus declarations of love for him after she discovered that she was pregnant by her despicable cad lover and therefore urgently needed a father for her bastard child. A situation that ended up with this gullible dupe unknowingly convinced and actually believing that the child this slut was carrying was sired from his loins and was therefore his when in actuality it wasn’t, he was never told the truth nor, come to that, was the child that this unprincipled tart conceived ever informed of his rightful origins by his mother or knew about them until his accidental discovery of who he really was.

But I do distinctly recall the British media and the usual suspects being very sympathetic and also understanding towards the Archbishop of Canterbury, and I was too as it wasn’t his fault. However, when they appallingly adopted the identical stance towards his trollop mother who showed no remorse for what she’d done and passed it off as one of those things that resulted from her having had too much to drink, another bloody lie on her part, that was a red line too far for me to conscionably want to cross. And as you can tell from my response here I didn’t. But predictably no Plebeian condemnation of her. But just imagine what the furore would be if Meghan Markle were to do something like that to Prince Harry and afterwards had her slut-like behaviour not only discovered but also widely disseminated across the British and other media. And with all the dishonest, lying, disingenuous shenanigans and police “investigative” crap surrounding Madeleine McCann when anyone with even a half functioning brain knows that this girl is dead and who was responsible for killing her, just what her real “pedigree” or that of her manipulative mother is!

So my advice to Meghan Markle is simply this. Be true to yourself at all times and similarly constantly remind yourself that you’re an educated, independent woman who’s capable, as you’ve always excellently demonstrated, of doing a worthwhile job that you’re not only very good at but have also enjoyed doing. And in the process have both economically supported and positively sustained yourself and furthermore can carry on doing so. So you don’t need the fucking Windsors nor the superfluity of cap-doffing assholes and social-climbing media cunts like William Hanson who contemptibly proliferate and infest Britain or elsewhere for that matter. Verminous scum that can only rely on their delusional notion of white Caucasian superiority and nothing of substance to support their asinine concept that they’re inherently and therefore automatically “superior” to all Blacks.

Well, let them carry on with their rank stupidity and studiously ignore them every time. And if Harry and you after all this shit still reciprocally love each other why should you care what these cunts think? And while you both politely won’t say it publicly I’ll do it for you. Tell these mother-fuckers to go fuck themselves and mean it!

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