#and saturday is when the thing i’m left out of that cancelled my plans is happening

[mclennonlgbt]

Paris in John and Paul’s life

30th September 1961:

“John and I went on a trip for his twenty-first birthday. John was from a very middle-class family, which really impressed me because everyone else was from working-class families. To us John was upper class. His relatives were teachers, dentists, even someone up in Edinburgh in the BBC. It’s ironic, he was always very ‘fuck you!’ and he wrote the song ‘Working Class Hero’ – in fact, he wasn’t at all working class. Anyway, one of John’s relatives gave him £100 for his birthday. A hundred smackers in your hand! That was a real windfall. None of us could believe it. To this day if you gave me £100 I would be impressed. And I was his mate, enough said? ‘Let’s go on holiday.’ – ‘You mean me too? With the hundred quid? Great! I’m part of this windfall.’” - Paul McCartney, Anthology

“We planned to hitchhike to Spain. I had done a spot of hitchhiking with George and we knew you had to have a gimmick; we had been turned down so often and we’d seen that guys that had a gimmick (like a Union Jack round them) had always got the lifts. So I said to John, ‘Let’s get a couple of bowler hats.’ It was showbiz creeping in. We still had our leather jackets and drainpipes – we were too proud of them not to wear them, in case we met a girl; and if we did meet a girl, off would come the bowlers. But for lifts we would put the bowlers on. Two guys in bowler hats – a lorry would stop! Sense of Humour. This, and the train, is how we got to Paris." - Paul McCartney, Anthology

“And Paul and I also did the same thing, once. We just cancelled. We’d made it, in Liverpool. We were making good money, for those days. I can’t remember what it was – maybe a couple of hundred dollars a week – but enough that you’d have a little extra. You’d have it in your back pocket. And Paul and I just— A relative of mine gave me a hundred pounds, for my birthday, which I’d never seen that much money in me life. Paul and I just canceled all the engagements, and left for Paris… And George was furious, because he needed the money – to work, you know. But that was another time when the group was in debate as whether it would exist or not.”  - John Lennon, 1976, an interview with Elliot Mintz

“Last night I heard that John and Paul have gone to Paris to play together – in other words, the band has broken up! It sounds mad to me, I don’t believe it…” - Stuart Sutcliffe, Anthology

"They were brothers. They were the Nerk Twins, and now they were taking a break from the Beatles and going off to Spain. En route, they’d stop a day or two in Paris, to size up the Brigittes, check out the kind of clothes Jurgen Vollmer wore, and perhaps see Jurgen himself, if he was around. [Johnny] Gustafson happened to bump into them the day they left, Saturday 30 September. “They both had bowler hats on, with the usual leather jackets and jeans. They said they were off to Paris, so I walked down to Lime Street station with them and watched them go. They were an incredible pair: always great fun, irreverent, and so close.” - Mark Lewisohn, All These Years: Volume One

“We’d never been there before. We were a bit tired so we checked into a little hotel for the night, intending to go off hitchhiking the next morning. Of course, it was too nice a bed after having hitched so we said, ‘We’ll stay a little longer,’ then we thought, ‘God, Spain is a long way, and we’d have to work to get down there.’ We ended up staying the week in Paris – John was funding it all with his hundred quid.

We would walk miles from our hotel; you do in Paris. We’d go to a place near the Avenue des Anglais and we’d sit in the bars, looking good. I still have some classic photos from there. Linda loves one where I am sitting in a gendarme’s mac as a cape and John has got his glasses on askew and his trousers down revealing a bit of Y-front. The photographs are so beautiful, we’re really hamming it up. We’re looking at the camera like, ‘Hey, we are artsy guys, in a café: this is us in Paris,’ and we felt like that.

We went up to Montmartre because of all the artists, and the Folies Bergères, and we saw guys walking around in short leather jackets and very wide pantaloons. Talk about fashion! This was going to kill them when we got back. This was totally happening. They were tight to the knee and then they flared out; they must have been about fifty inches around the bottom and our drainpipe trousers were something like fifteen or sixteen inches. We saw these trousers and said, ‘Excusez-moi, Monsieur, où did you get them?’ It was a cheap little rack down the street so we bought a pair each, went back to the hotel, put them on, went out on the street – and we couldn’t handle it: ‘Do your feet feel like they are flapping? Feel more comfortable in me drainies, don’t you?’ So it was back to the hotel at a run, needle and cotton out and we took them in to a nice sixteen with which we were quite happy. And then we met Jürgen Vollmer on the street. He was still taking pictures." - Paul McCartney, Anthology

“Jürgen had a flattened-down hairstyle with a fringe in the front, which we rather took to. We went over to his place and there and then he cut – hacked would be a better word – our hair into the same style.” - John Lennon, 1963

Interviewer: I heard you took a trip to Spain before once, didn’t you? On Holiday? Paul: I didn’t go to Spain, no. I tried once to make Spain but… and John and I were gonna hitchhike. We hitchhiked down from Liverpool… We didn’t hitchhike. No, we got the train down from Liverpool ‘cause we thought we won’t hitchhike down the first bit. And we got the boat over to Paris. Then we got the train into Paris ‘cause we thought: “Well, it’ll be too hard to get a hitch here”. And we just stayed in Paris all week. And eventually… I mean, all the time trying to get out of Paris and make Spain! We never made it, we just flew home at the end. What a lazy hitchhiking Holiday!

“The thing was all the kissing and holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic just to be there and see them even though I was 21 and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing. And they weren’t not mauling at each other, they were just kissing.” - John Lennon

"John’s 21st birthday was a month away, and he knew he was getting money — 100 pounds cash, more than he or Paul had ever seen in their lives. (…) Bob Wooler was party to their planning, and fought with them:

They were bored, and decided they would go away for a month. I thought this was disastrous because they would be away from the scene too long and lose their fans, Fans were very capricious: they moved from one group to another. And anyway, what about the other two members, George Harrison and Pete Best?. What about them, what do they do? We argued a lot about this — we argued in the back room of the grapes pub to a large extent —- and they said ‘Well, we’ll go away for a fortnight only’

(…) Equally, the promoters who paid the Beatles over-the-odds to present them every week had to “lump it” (….). To a man, and woman, they were incensed by it - but John and Paul hadn’t a care. They didn’t mean to be rude about it but basically it was tough shit.

it was tough too on Dot and Cyn, Dot simply had to accept the situation, but Cyn had a greater case of grievance. John was heading off without her when he could so easily gave waited for the art school holidays. (…).

That John was taking Paul, no one else, accentuates the renewed closeness since Stu quit The Beatles. They were the Beatles force, an unstoppable and authentically powerful pair. “Lennon had the attitude”, Wooler said, “and taking his lead from Lennon, McCartney could be similar. At times they reminded me of those well-to-do Chicago lads Leopold and Loeb, who killed someone because they felt superior to him. Lennon and McCartney were superior human beings”

"You’d always see them together, in the pub or walking along the street", says Johnny Gustafson of the Big Tree. "They were a duo, and seemed each other’s equal". Bernie Boyle, the young lad hanging around with them at every opportunity, says, "They were like brothers, with John as the elder and Paul’s mentor. They were so tight it was like there was a telepathy between them: on stage, they’d look at each other and know instinctively what the other was thinking"

They were brothers. They were the Nerk Twins, and now they were taking a break from The Beatles and gofin off to Spain. 

Gustafson happened to bump into them the day they left, Saturday, September 30. “They both had bowler hats on, with the usual leather jackets and jeans. They said they were off to Paris, so I walked down to Lime Street station and watched them go. They were an incredible pair: always great fun, irreverent and so close. - Mark Lewisohn, Tune In: The Beatles: All These Years (2013)

As was written in this post: That last picture is one Paul took of John sleeping in Paris. From what I remember of a performance he did of ‘Here Today’, and earlier comments, this picture hangs framed on a wall in Paul’s house.

Unconfirmed quote (may or may not be true): 

"He must have been fond of me to spend that money. He let me have all the banana milkshakes I wanted.”  - Paul McCartney

In January 1964, only a few scant weeks before the Beatles took America by storm, the band mates settled in for an extended stay in Paris. For the group, the Parisian visit proved to be a magical experience, with the Beatles playing 18 shows at the Olympia Theatre between Jan. 16 and Feb. 4 (source).

The Beatles were staying at the George V Hotel at the time. John and Paul composed "Can't Buy Me Love", "I Should Have Known Better" and "If I Fell" on the piano.

The photo Paul took of John (in the "Eyes Of The Storm" book):

1966: Paul, his girlfriend Maggie McGivern, John and Brian Epstein spend 5 days in Paris. "All of them flew into France separately — Lennon had been filming abroad and Epstein had been away on business. Maggie and Paul, she says, traveled apart ‘as part of keeping the relationship secret’. During the five-day trip the foursome stayed at the same Paris hotel where she and Paul shared a luxury suite. ‘It was a marvelous holiday,’ she says. ‘. . . just walking around the streets of Paris.‘My abiding memory is of me, John and Paul lying under the Eiffel Tower, gazing up at it. We couldn’t go up because we would have been recognised, and we were masters at the art of avoiding people." [x]

1969:

Hoping to get married in France, John Lennon and Yoko Ono flew to Paris on this day [16th March].

The couple had decided to marry on 14 March 1969, two days after the wedding of Paul McCartney to Linda Eastman; whether it was in response to this event on some level is open to conjecture.

On McCartney’s wedding day Lennon and Ono were travelling to Poole in Dorset, where he introduced her to his Aunt Mimi. During the journey he asked his chauffeur Les Anthony to go to Southampton to enquire about the possibility of the wedding being held at sea, on the cross-channel ferry to France.

(source)

“On March 12, Paul married Linda Eastman at Marylebone Register Office in London, amid scenes of hysterical grief from his female fans. None of the other Beatles was present. The news reached John as he and Yoko were driving down to visit Aunt Mimi in Poole. Yoko’s divorce decree had become final a few weeks earlier, and, in a resurgence of Beatle copycat, John told her they, too, must get married as soon as possible” - Philip Norman, John Lennon: The Life (2008)

"We chose Gibraltar because it is quiet, British and friendly. We tried everywhere else first. I set out to get married on the car ferry and we would have arrived in France married, but they wouldn’t do it. We were no more successful with cruise ships. We tried embassies, but three weeks’ residence in Germany or two weeks’ in France were required." - John Lennon

1974:

“After a late lunch, Linda launched into a long paean to the joys of living in England. When she was finished, she turned to John and said, “Don’t you miss England?”

“Frankly,” John replied, “I miss Paris.””

— May Pang, Loving John (1983)

1978:

Wings album "London Town" is released. It includes the song "Cafe on the Left Bank", the lyrics of which clearly refer to John and Paul's trip to Paris.

Late 1970s (maybe 1978?): John is singing to Paul about Paris in a home recording. Longer version

1970s: John writes "Skywriting by Word of Mouth", a book that would be released in 1986. One story is about sex he had with a woman in Paris. Here it is. As anon noticed here: "...the woman is called Amie L'Nitrate and Amyl Nitrate is a reference to poppers. He talks about grabbing her 'pomme de frites.' Her potatoes? He uses the term 'tread lightly on some loafers' which is an old euphenism for being gay. Amie says they should have sex to God Only Knows. Then John says their relationship ended in a seething rage but he still thinks of 'her.'" @sgtsaltsband concluded in the same post: "so he writes a story about PARIS ( where he and paul went on a trip for his 21st bday and never stopped talking about it ) , in the HOTEL where the Beatles stayed later on [Hotel V in 1964] , names the girl after POPPERS ( a drug commonly used by gay men during sex ) , the girl wants to have sex to PAULS fave song and he uses this PHRASE." Also: this is an excerpt of the story:

"Boogie" is a slang word for sex or dance (also, "Born to Boogie" is a 1972 movie starring Marc Bolan, Elton John and Ringo Starr). "Band on the Run" is a Paul McCartney and Wings' album which John loved. "Sue you sue me" can be a reference to to the Beatles' legal and business disputes and the fact that Paul sued John, George and Ringo in December 1970, and to "Sue Me, Sue You Blues", a song by George.

(thank you @menlove for uploading the story and pointing out interesting words!)

1994 - Paul inducting John to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

“And then on your 21st birthday you got £100 off one of your rich relatives up in Edinburgh, so we decided we’d go to Spain. So we hitch-hiked out of Liverpool. And we got as far as Paris, and decided to stop there for a week. And eventually got our haircut, by a fellow named Jürgen, and that ended up being the ‘Beatle haircut’.”

I also remember watching an interview with Paul about his album "Memory Almost Full" (2007). Thank you for adding, @ringompreg!

(it's like 7 minutes in) Interviewer: There is a very beautiful song called "The End Of The End", the way you talk about your whole ending, and the lyric goes: "It's a start of a journey to a much better place." You mean, better than England? Paul: It's basically a start of a journey to France. Or Spain through France. Yeah, that's what it is. It's a much better place, Paris.

Also worth mentoning:

"All You Need Is Love" begins with La Marseillaise.

"Picasso's Last Words (Drink To Me)" contains French-language speech by BBC broadcaster Pierre Le Sève.

Bonus

[colferpics]

SNL: How Chris Colfer Ended Up on "What's Up With That?"

Article below the cut:

Sit down and take a big, mental Ooooo weeeee — it’s not like Diondre Cole will let you get a word in anyway. Chris Colfer learned this in spectacularly amusing fashion while appearing on the seventh edition of Saturday Night Live’s recurring “What Up With That?” sketch, which found the Gleeactor sandwiched between a real Paul Simon and fake Lindsey Buckingham. (The latter of whom, as always, cut his family vacation short to be there.) Teased as part of “a salute to music greats” on the show’s May 14, 2011, episode, Colfer had the honor of fulfilling the essential duties of the middle chair: silently tolerating the absurdity of how Diondre (Kenan Thompson) runs his made-for-BET program, as the host would rather disrupt his guests with elaborate song-and-dance routines than actually let them talk. While the first guest tends to get a sentence or two in — Simon briefly hypes up his new album — the second is often relegated to reaction shots while a Narnia wardrobe full of characters such as, say, “the bad boy of bluegrass” Captain Sexy Banjo and the real Buckingham materialize out of nowhere. If you’re overthinking it, just stop. “What Up With That?” was not intended for analysis.

Colfer, who had recently wrapped Glee’s phenomena of a second season, was at the right place at the right time for SNL to think of him for the cameo. Plans were canceled. Excitement ran high. It all went live in 36 hours. And he didn’t care that he had nothing to do besides cross his legs. “It’s such a special memory for me. Being a microscopic spot of SNL history is the ultimate bragging right,” he says now. “If anyone ever tries to one-up me at a party, I whip that one out, and I usually win the conversation.”

How exactly was this sketch presented to you? Were you aware that it had already become a recurring and well-oiled SNL staple of sorts? Yeah, I was. I’ve always been a huge fan of SNL, so I was familiar with the sketch and I thought it was hilarious. I was in New York City, and I had just done a live interview. I did so many interviews at the time for Glee that I can’t even remember who it was for. My publicist and I were walking down, like, 47th or 48th Street afterward, and she got a random call. It was Friday afternoon. One of SNL’s bookers had just seen me on live television and asked if I was still in the city. They said, “Can he do a cameo in tomorrow night’s episode?”And I responded, “Hell yes, absolutely.” No joke: They asked me to come in for a rehearsal immediately. So we had to clear the rest of my afternoon and went straight to Rockefeller Center. It was the easiest rehearsal I’ve ever done, because I didn’t have to do anything. I just had to sit there and be quiet. Then I went in the next day, and we did the dress rehearsal and then we did the live taping. It was magical.

Did you instinctively understand the humor? I mean, when I tell friends about my love of “What Up With That?”, what comes out of my mouth is jumbled nonsense about BET and a fake Lindsey Buckingham. It’s not the easiest thing to wrap a mind around. I did. I remember on Saturday, in between the rehearsal and the live taping, the writers came to my dressing room and said, “We want to give you a line. Let’s try this out.” And I responded, “Absolutely not. You cannot give me a line. It’s way funnier if I’m just there and I don’t say anything.” And they looked at me and said, “Well, you’re the first guest to ever say that, and thank God, because we agree.”

An excellent instinct. I can’t remember what the specific line was, but I was going to say something at the very end, and Kenan’s character was going to cut me off. But we all agreed it was funnier if I didn’t even try to talk.

So you sit down for the dress rehearsal, look to your left, and there’s Paul Simon in the chair. What was your opening line to him? It was a complete secret who was in those seats until I showed up at that rehearsal. They didn’t tell me any details until I actually arrived in the studio — I had to be escorted right on the stage to my seat. I didn’t even have a script. Well, I didn’t need one, of course, because I wasn’t saying anything. And then I turned to my left and it’s Paul Simon. And then I turned to my right, and it’s Lindsey Buckingham waiting in the wings of the set. How the heck did I get here? I couldn’t say anything. I froze. I remember thinking at that moment, Chris, do not ask any questions about Stevie Nicks or Carrie Fisher. I had to repeat that to myself over and over and over again in my head. Paul Simon probably thought I was a seat filler.

So you didn’t ask if he was a Gleek? Oh God, no. I never assume anyone knows who I am or knows where I’m from.

Was there a sense of nerves on your end before the live taping began? It’s funny, because this required the least amount of effort on my part, but I was still extremely nervous. I was nervous that I would trip on the way there. But more so than nerves, it’s just that that show is pure adrenaline. It’s chaos, but it’s organized chaos. Everyone knows exactly what they’re doing, but it’s absolutely what you would imagine: People running back and forth in the hallways, carrying props and costumes and set pieces. It was really, really neat. I still have my little Chris Colfer plaque for my dressing room.

Where do you keep it?I have an awards case, so it’s on display there. It was a gift.

For me, at least, the best part of the sketch is all of the wordless expressions taking in the absurdity of everything. Do you remember how the writers wanted you to react to certain beats? The direction that the three of us were given was: “You’re on the show with this lunatic who doesn’t let his guests talk. Look as annoyed and out of place as possible.” So that seems easy, in theory, but the hardest part was not laughing my ass off. There’s one particular moment, when Kristen Wiig does this little hoedown in the middle of the sketch while a banjo plays. Everyone in the audience was falling to pieces, and I was looking at the ceiling so I wouldn’t join them. I got to release some of the joy in that moment.

The lineage of “middle seat” people includes Mindy Kaling, Ernest Borgnine, Carrie Brownstein, Robin Williams, and Jack McBrayer. Do you see any connective tissue among you all? I feel like I would just be flattering myself trying to make a connection, so instead I’ll say we all just happened to be free at the right time and have a good sense of humor.

Who do you think would be uniquely qualified to portray a fake Chris Colfer? The only person I know who could do it is Marcia Gay Harden — with a good wig. Years ago, they were going to do an episode of Glee where something happened at McKinley High School. There was going to be this big, fake movie made about it. So we were all casting ourselves on who would play our characters in this fake movie. They had Glenn Close playing Sue Sylvester and Justin Timberlake as Matthew Morrison. So I said, “Well, Marcia Gay Harden has to play me.” It was a big joke. Unfortunately, the episode didn’t happen, but they were thinking about actually making it.

Did you go to the SNL after-party in celebration of the episode? Yes, I did, and I got to chat with Lorne Michaels for a little bit. It’s really hard to make small talk with someone with that kind of résumé. You don’t want to ask the wrong question, and you don’t want to seem like you’re too big of a fan. But I couldn’t help myself. I asked about the history of the show, his favorite sketches, and the sketches he regretted. He was very kind and open to answering everything. He did tell me I’d be back on, so I’ll hold him to it one day.

Have you ever cut a family vacation short to do a talk show? I’m sure I have. I’ve cut family vacations short for much, much less, too.

[sugarandspisces-writes]

Hair Chronicles

Pairing: Melissa Schemmenti x Black fem!reader

Summary: r is preparing to get her hair done and Melissa helps her out

Word Count: 4.4k

A/N: Hiii! I've been having major writer's block lately, but I was finally able to get something done! This was purely self-indulgent and not requested, but I hope you all enjoy!

Warning/Disclaimer: While this was written for Black readers, everyone is welcome to read!! I wrote this for representational purposes, but I also hope it can be educational! P.S. I embedded links of the hairstyles mentioned so you can have a better idea of what i'm talking about. Let me know if it was helpful!

Okay, that's all. Bye! <3

“Hey, sweetheart,” Melissa greeted you with breakfast in hand. She was helping you do you hair today, and you'd need all the energy you could get to make it through the morning.

“Hi,” you beamed in her direction. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as you laid eyes on the redhead. Hearing her call you sweetheart made you dizzy. It left you feeling like those cartoon characters with hearts spinning around their head.

You reached out to grab the food from her, and you two walked toward the kitchen. She made a pit stop in the living room to put her bag down, and you worked on setting the table up. You went to grab water from the fridge, and as you closed the door you felt arms wrap around your waist. The action was followed by her placing kisses on your neck. You set the pitcher down on the counter, scared you might drop it due to your faltering grip.

“Well, hello again,” you chuckled, turning around in the embrace. You were met with green eyes and a smile just as wide as yours. 

“Hi there.” Her pillow-soft lips tenderly pressed against yours. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” you said in between kisses. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Being away from her made you feel like something was missing. She added to your life in ways you didn’t realize until she wasn’t there. Everything seemed sweeter when she was around.

“I know. I can't believe you tried to cancel on me,” she pouted.

“I believe my words were 'postpone', not cancel,” you corrected her.

A couple nights ago you were on the phone with a dejected Melissa. You'd called to discuss the agenda for the weekend, and she was not happy with your verdict. You had a hair appointment on Sunday which meant you'd be spending all of Saturday prepping for it. Because of this, you wanted to postpone your plans with her. You would be able to have your usual Sunday dinner, but your other ventures would have to be saved for another time.

Your complaint was that you wouldn’t be able to enjoy your time with her because you’d be too focused on your hair. You explained the hours that went into doing everything and how it would be unfair to make her sit through that.

While you thought your reasoning was valid, Melissa didn’t. In her eyes, she’d be missing out on valuable time with you. Time she could be using to learn about you and take care of you. She'd said, “Who said I'd just be sitting there? I want to help.” And when you began to protest she added, “What if you need me to do your hair one day? I don’t want to be clueless. I want to know how to do it.”

You hadn't been expecting her to say that, but you should have known it was coming. Even after you told her how much effort went into managing your hair, she was still eager to assist. She was kind in that way; willing to do anything to make your life easier. You admired her adamance, and you would have been a fool to cancel your plans after that.

“I’m sorry.” You laid your forehead on her shoulder, placing kisses over the expanse of skin not covered by her shirt. “I didn’t think you wanted to be involved in the hair chronicles.”

“Why not?”

“Because you could be doing so many other things.”

“Well, I specifically cleared my weekend to be with you.” She lifted your chin up, locking eyes with you. “You know I don’t care what we do. As long as I’m with you, I’m good.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Melissa?” you joked. She was forward with her affections today – giving you loving touches and sweet words. You hadn’t seen her all week and clearly, absence made her heart grow fonder.

“Oh, stop it.” She nudged your arm. “I can be sweet sometimes.”

“You’re sweet all the time.” You kissed her lips once, then again with the intention of stopping, but somehow you found yourself making out in the middle of your kitchen.

“The food’s gonna get cold,” she murmured against your mouth but didn’t make any attempts to move away.

“I have a microwave,” you took a moment to catch your breath, “and an oven.”

She laughed and tiny sparks jolted through your heart as the melody rang throughout the space. Oh, how you missed hearing that.

“Come on, let’s eat.”

You sat down in the seat across from her and began to open your box of food. “Oh, did you want coffee?” you asked, realizing you completely forgot to make some. You knew she’d say yes, so you began to stand.

“I’ll make some in a minute.” She grabbed your hand stopping you from making any further movements.

“Are you sure? It’ll only take two seconds.”

“I'm sure,” she insisted. There was a familiar glint in her eyes and you could tell she didn’t want to be out of your company – even if you were just taking a few steps to the coffee machine. “Right now I just want to sit down and eat with you.”

You squeezed her hand before sitting back down, unable to suppress the smile that snuck onto your face – honestly, it may have never left.

“Tell me about your week,” Melissa spoke as she took her silverware out of the packaging.

You chatted about each other’s weeks and you told her about the project you were working on. You even slipped in some workplace drama for her entertainment, and you two laughed over how silly some of your coworkers were. She told you about her students and how well they were doing with presenting their book projects. As you ate, you marveled at the way her eyes lit up. You respected the adoration she had for her kids. She genuinely loved her job and it showed.

“How’s Ashley?” you asked. The last thing you heard was that she wasn’t getting along with her aide.

“Actually, I’m growing to tolerate her.” She looked at you with a pleased look.

“Really?” You tried to mask your shocked expression, but your reaction was evident in your voice.

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

“I’m not. I just–,” you paused. “I don’t know. You just always complain about her.”

“Yeah,” she looked up at the sky as if she was reminiscing, “Jacob helped me get through to her. I just needed to see things from her point of view.”

“See, didn’t I tell you?” You’d also told Melissa that she just needed to be patient with Ashley and think about the young woman’s feelings too. Teaching a class was hard work, and it could be even harder if you didn’t have the support of your peers.

“I know, I know.” She held her hands up in defense. “You were right.”

“You should listen to me more,” you smiled.

She rolled her eyes, “I already said you were right. What more do you want?” 

“I’m just saying,” you shrugged. “I’m glad you worked it out though.”

“You done bragging?” Melissa asked, giving you side-eye.

“No, not yet,” you smirked, “but I am done eating.”

“I’m never telling you you’re right ever again.” She stood and gathered your trash.

Your jaw dropped as you walked to the counter to make her coffee. “Whatever. The satisfaction of knowing I’m right will do.”

She came to stand in front of you as the aroma of espresso filled the air. She placed her hand on your hip and pulled you toward her, closing the gap. “I told you I’d make that.” 

“You know I’m hard-headed,” you whispered, your proximity causing you to lower your voice.

“Oh, I know.” She brought her hand up to the hem of your shirt, fingers moving under the fabric and coming in contact with your bare skin. Her digits trailed up your torso until they were brushing against your ribs.

“Stop.” You tried to be stern, but the words came out softer than you intended.

“I’m not doing anything.” She leaned into your neck, her lips skimming the surface. She placed a kiss over the hollow space in the center, and your eyes fluttered at the sensation.

“Melissa.” You gently pushed her away. “I invited you here to help me do my hair, not to kiss my neck.”

“I don’t see the harm in doing both.” She draped her arms around your waist, feigning a look of hurt.

“Yeah, that’s the problem.” You laughed before shrugging her off. “Your coffee’s done. You know where everything is, help yourself.”

“Thank you.” Her eyes were fixed on yours, and you could barely hold the intense gaze.

“You’re welcome,” you smiled. “Meet me on the couch when you’re done.”

“Will do.” She finally moved to grab her mug.

“And stop looking at me like that. You’re gonna kill me.” You added before walking out of the kitchen.

✦ ✦ ✦

Once Melissa was done, she joined you in the living room. She was met with the sight of you sitting in front of it the couch. Your back was resting against the cushions and you had a collection of hair tools and products sitting before you. Sound from the TV filled the area as you searched for a movie on Netflix.

“What do you wanna watch?”

She sipped her drink before answering, “Something funny.”

“Okay, you pick. I’m tired of looking.” You passed the remote to her before slumping against the couch.

“You’ve been looking for like 30 seconds.” She took a seat behind you, pulling her legs up to rest next to her.

“Yeah, 30 seconds too long,” you sighed as you sorted through the items in front of you.

“What’s wrong?” Melissa could sense the sudden change in your attitude. 

“I don’t feel like doing this,” you whined, tilting your head back and laying it against her thigh.

She paused her search for the movie to look down at you. “I thought you were excited?”

“I’m excited to get my hair done, but I’m not excited to do all the prep.”

“What all do you have to do?” she asked, settling on playing The Hangover.

You released a deep sigh as you let Melissa in on the plan. “First, I have to take these braids out. Then I’m gonna detangle my hair, wash it, and deep condition it. After all of that, I have to blow dry it.”

‘Okay,” she murmured into her coffee, preparing to take a sip, “just take it one step at a time.”

“Ugh! Melissa, you don’t understand.” You dragged your hands across your face in misery. “It’s gonna take me so long.”

“How long?” She moved her free hand down to yours, pulling them away so she could properly look at you.

“Like four hours. Maybe five depending on how lazy I get.”

“Five hours?” She raised her eyebrows in shock. Even though you'd told her about the process, she wasn’t aware of exactly how long it took. “Shit, babe.”

“Last time it took me longer,” you informed her. “But I also did everything across the span of a few days. I like doing it that way, but unfortunately, I don’t have time.” Your hair appointment was tomorrow and you hadn’t even begun, so you were on a bit of a time crunch.

“Relax, hon. You know I’m gonna help you.” She tried to encourage you, knowing that you got overwhelmed easy.

“It’s still gonna take so. damn. long.” You punctuated each sentence with a tap of your head against her thigh.

“The faster we start the sooner it’ll be over.” She brought her hand to back up to your face, laying her palm against your cheek. “What do you need me to do?”

“If you could help me take these braids out I would really appreciate it.” 

She set her coffee mug down, then scooted toward the edge of the couch so she could reach you better. “Of course. Just tell me what to do.”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory.” You repositioned yourself so she could see you properly.

She looked at you, ready to take in your instructions.

“You’re gonna cut the end of the braid,” you took your scissors and demonstrated, “then you’re just gonna loosen it.” Melissa watched as you removed the extensions from your hair. “You think you can handle that?”

“Yeah, seems simple enough,” she nodded.

You passed her a pair of scissors and said, “The only thing I ask is that you don’t cut my hair off.”

“Oh, God.” She took the object from your hand. “Thanks for putting pressure on me.”

“If you’re not sure where my hair ends just overestimate, but it stops about right here.” You showed her an approximation on another braid. “No biggie if you cut a little bit off.”

“You say that, but I feel like you’re lying.” She held the scissors in her dominant hand, hesitant to make a move.

“I do it all the time believe it or not,” you assured her.

“Okay, but if you do it to yourself that’s different.” She picked up her chosen braid and squinted hoping that would help her to see where your hair ended. “Go in my purse and get my glasses, please.”

You burst out in laughter at that. “Really, Lissa. It’s not that deep.”

“Uh, it is that deep,” she mocked your words. “I’m serious. You know my eyes are bad.”

“You need a purse organizer.” You rifled through the bag in search of her glasses. “Actually, you need to clean your purse out. There’s so much stuff in here,” you said, pulling out a wrapper from a snack she must have eaten recently. 

“You’re talking a lot of shit for someone who’s entrusting me with a pair of scissors.” She joked.

“You're not funny.” You gave her a stony look. “But you really do have a lot of stuff.” 

You finally pulled out her glasses and passed them to her. She placed them over her eyes and motioned for you to come back to her, but you sat there for a second just admiring her.

“Stop being weird and come here. We’ve got business to tend to.” You watched her lip twitch as she fought the smile that was tugging at her lips.

You couldn’t help but stare, she was just so pretty. “So it’s only okay when you do it?”

“I’m not as obvious as you.” She justified as you took your place in front of her.

You gasped in shock, “You’re worse than me!”

She didn’t respond, instead choosing to grab one of your braids. You couldn’t see her, but you knew she was inspecting it carefully.

“Can you see it any better?”

“Yes, actually, I can.” She took the scissors and snipped the excess off of the braid.

Her actions were delicate as she moved her fingers through your hair. It was much different from the way you handled it. You weren’t afraid to yank at the strands, but Melissa seemed to be – almost like she was scared of hurting you.

Noticing that she was moving a lot slower than you, you decided to share a tip with her. “If you take the two outside pieces and tug on them a little, the braid will unravel faster.”

“Oh, am I going too slow for you?” she teased, stilling her hands.

“No,” you laughed. “I’m just trying to save you some frustration. I know it can be tedious.”

“It’s not so bad. Plus, we’re already halfway done.”

“Since you’re enjoying it so much, I’m gonna call you when it’s time to take out my next set of braids.”

She laughed at that, taking a moment to finish the last few sips of her coffee.

“This is only going by so fast because I have like 12 braids. If these were box braids we'd be struggling.” you explained

“Aren't these cornrows?” she asked.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Well, they’re called feed-ins. They're similar to cornrows, but a different technique is used to create the braid.”

"Hmm," she hummed signaling she'd heard you but you weren't sure she understood what you meant.

Before you could explain further, you felt her hand run through a section of your hair. The action caused your head to jerk backward – the mechanics of you hair wouldn't allow her to easily glide through. Her fingers were caught in your strands and she let out an “oops” as she tried to untangle them.

“Yeah, you can't just... do that.” You winced as she fumbled with your hair, trying to extricate herself without causing any harm.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly once she got free. “Did I hurt you?”

“It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me,” you assured her, turning to look at the woman. “We’ll dentangle everything in a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” she nodded.

“Personally, I hate it, but I have a feeling you’re gonna like that part,” you winked.

“Sorry, again.” You could sense some embarrassment as she let out a nervous laugh.

“It's fine, Mel,” you smiled. “You're learning.”

“Speaking of learning, I have a question,” she said, watching you work on the last section. 

“About what?”

“You said there was a difference between feed-in braids and cornrows?”

“Yeah, so with feed-ins you feed in pieces of hair as you braid. Hence the name,” you clarified. “When you do a traditional cornrow, you only add the hair at the start of the braid. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “So what’s the reason for feeding the hair in?” she asked. “Is it better than doing it the traditional way?”

“Adding the hair gradually helps the braid become thicker and longer. It’s not necessarily better, but in my opinion feed-ins because they look more natural.”

 She nodded as she took the information in. “I didn’t know there was a difference.”

“Yeah, I usually don’t get them, but I decided to switch it up.”

“What made you do that?”

“For one, I was tired of sitting down for a million hours.” You weren’t joking, but Melissa laughed at your exaggeration. “But I also just wanted to try something new.”

“You usually get box braids, right?” she asked. 

You turned to face her once you were done taking the last braid out. Melissa had her chin in her palm, listening intently, and it made you smile. “Yeah, but then I saw everyone getting feed-ins with all these cute designs in them and I wanted to get them too. I’ll have to show you pictures so you can see what I’m talking about.”

“I’ve seen some of the students with them, and they have heart designs in theirs,” she shared.

“Yes, oh my gosh! Isn’t it so cute?” You tapped your hand on her thigh in excitement. “I didn’t get a design this time around, but I really want one next time.”

“Yeah, it is,” she smiled at your excitement. “I love when the girls come in with all the different color braids. Like right now Mikayla has pink and black braids. And the other day Aria came in with a haircut after she took her braids out, and she was so excited to wear her natural hair.”

“Aww, how cute!” It made you happy hearing about how the little girls at Abbott were embracing their culture. “I love how many new styles have emerged, and there’s so much versatility. Like I can truly do anything with my hair whether I have braids in or I’m wearing my natural hair.”

“I love your hair,” Melissa admired you, taking in your appearance now that you were void of your braids.

“I’m sure it looks a mess right now, but I love it too. Even though I complain about it a lot, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.” You smoothed your hand along your curls. “I think I’d cry if I woke up with straight hair one day,” you laughed.

You spent the rest of the night talking while you finished up. As you suspected, Melissa was enthralled by the detangling process. You told her your curls would be fragile since you hadn’t touched them in a couple of weeks, and she took such good care to be gentle. After you dried your hair, Melissa was in awe seeing how much longer it got. She didn’t know your hair, which stopped at your shoulders when wet, would stretch to the middle of your back when it was blow-dried. You then had to explain the concept of shrinkage to her – how as your hair dried it lost its ability to expand and be elongated. It never occurred to you that she’d be so interested in the topic of your hair, but you were happy to impart your knowledge to her. You let her ask you questions until her heart was content.

✦ ✦ ✦

The next day, you woke up with a pep in your step. You were beyond excited to go to your hair appointment. Even though you knew it would be a long one, you had been going to your stylist for years and she always knew how to keep you entertained. You could talk to her for hours, never running out of things to discuss. If you ever got bored, you could always resort to taking a nap. It was a good way to pass the time, and you got lucky because she never complained when you fell asleep.

“Someone’s very happy this morning,” Melissa commented on your demeanor. You were practically skipping around the room as you were getting prepared to leave.

“I am! And you should be too.” You placed a kiss on your lips before flitting to the other side of your room.

“Why is that?”

“Because you don’t have to hear me complain about feeling dusty anymore,” you laughed. “Now I can complain about more important things.”

“Yeah, like what? How I don’t give you enough attention?”

She chuckled as you gave her a combination of a glare and a pout. “Come here for a sec.”

You waltzed over to her, taking a seat in her lap. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to hold you while I talked to you.” She rested her palm against your back and began to rub circles over the area.

“You’re so cute.” You leaned in to press your lips against her cheek. You felt warmth under your lips as a blush rose to her face.

She bit her lip to suppress her smile. She didn’t acknowledge your remark, instead asking, “What time are you gonna be done?”

“I’m not sure, but sometime this afternoon. I’ll text you know when I’m almost finished.” You cupped her face. “Why are you blushing?”

“I’m not,” she said even though her face was clearly red. “What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know. I’m not craving anything in particular.” You rested your head against her shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do. I’m gonna go to the store while you’re gone.”

“Ooh, can you get me ice cream?” You pleaded, standing up to put your shoes on.

“So I'm your personal shopper now?” She quirked her eyebrows at you.

“Don’t be mean.” You grabbed everything you needed and made your way to the door, Melissa following close behind. “I’ll see you later. The spare key is on the hook for when you leave.”

“Okay, I should be here when you get back.” She gave you one last kiss. “See you soon.”

✦ ✦ ✦

You left the salon at 5 pm, meaning everything took around seven hours to complete. Your neck and back were sore beyond measure, and your body was dying for some food. Nonetheless, your hair was finally done and that's all that mattered. You couldn’t wait to get home to shower and eat dinner with Melissa.

When you walked through the door of your apartment, your senses were filled with the delicious smell of food that instantly made your stomach growl.

“I’m home!” you yelled.

“In the kitchen!” the redhead called back.

You walked in that direction and saw the most domestic sight you’d ever laid eyes on – Melissa in casual clothes with her hair up in a ponytail. She was sipping on a glass of wine as she monitored the pan on the stove.

“Hi, hon,” she smiled, her lips hovering over the rim of the glass.

“Hello,” you walked over to greet her, enveloping her in a hug. 

“I thought you were never coming back,” she joked.

“And you say I’m dramatic,” you laughed into her neck before pulling away.

You watched as her eyes wander to your head, and you could tell that she was formulating her thoughts. She set her wine down and tilted her head slightly, drinking you in instead. “Your hair looks so good, baby.”  

“Yeah?” you said, trying to be modest even though you knew you looked good.

“Yeah, give me a spin,” she requested.

You spun in a circle for her so she could get the full view, stopping your rotation once you met Melissa’s earnest gaze again. 

“I like the brown. It’s very pretty,” she complimented.

You decided to get a pop of color this time. It wasn’t anything crazy, just something subtle that would catch the eye. “Thank you,” you grinned. “Is dinner almost done?”

“Yeah,” Melissa wrapped her free arm around your waist, “it’ll be ready in 30 minutes.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but you were cut off by a series of kisses: one on your temple, one on your cheek, and finally, one on your lips. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing the pretty girl. Is that okay?” she murmured.

You felt your brain go fuzzy at that and you almost forgot what you were about to say “Yeah, more than okay.”

“Mmm, good.” She continued to kiss you until you both ran out of breath. 

“Someone's hungry,” She asked once she heard your stomach growl.

“Hungry is an understatement,” you laughed. “Oh, did you get my ice cream?” Your burning question finally made its way out of your head.

“Yes. I almost forgot though.”

“Thank you.” You wrapped your arms around the woman, completing your embrace.

“You don't have to thank me for that.”

“Not just for that,” you murmured into her neck. “For helping me out this weekend. I really appreciate it.”

“You don't have to thank me for that either.

“I do.” You looked up at her. “'Cause you didn't have to do it.”

“What? You thought I would let you do it all by yourself?”

You shrugged. “I mean, that's what I usually do.”

“Right, but you had me this time.” She rubbed her hand along your arm.

“You gonna help me all the time now?” You were half joking, but also curious to know what she would say.

“Yeah, that's what I'm here for.” She looked down to meet your eyes.

“Wow, you must love doing my hair.”

“More importantly, I love you.” She kissed your forehead.

“How many glasses have you had?” you asked.

“I tell you I love you and that's your response?” she laughed incredulously. “Just one.”

“I'm just checking.” You threw your hands up in defense.

“It's not the wine. It's you,” she continued to chuckle. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Melissa.”

[fostercare-expat]

Had a delightfully foster drama free week and my former husband is back after being gone for a month. I had 3 things due at work and I did them all well. It’s so nice to have the head space to focus. I worked extra hours last Sat and Sunday and didn’t feel guilty because all the kids were well take care of.

Took a day off today since it’s school holiday and took the 2 little ones to the zoo. Everyone had fun.

My former husband bought tickets for our older daughter to spend a month and 10 days overseas. She will stay with his 2 sisters for awhile and then my Former Husband and Younger Daughter will fly out to join them. I’ve never spent more than 2 weeks apart from either of my kids but Older Daughter is going to be 14 and she’s mature enough to handle it. I’ll miss her but be excited for her. And I’m really going to enjoy being down to only 1 kid for 2 or 3 weeks. It’s gonna be awesome! Hopefully get Younger Brother to stay with Other Foster Mom for a long weekend and go away with my boyfriend for the first time in our 1.5 years of dating. We had planned a weekend away that we had to cancel the day after the 3 siblings showed up unexpectedly at 1am.

Fearless’ Mom is getting married to her long term boyfriend in November and I’m happy for them. I was very worried about this guy in the beginning but he’s proven himself over these 4 years as they have been through a lot with her health issues and his too, and they have stood by each other. Fearless is the ring bearer and Younger Daughter is the flower girl. Fearless’ Mom was very certain that she wanted to put my name in the invitation where it says So-and-So requests your presence at the wedding of her daughter “Fearless’ Mom”. I’m not biologically old enough to be her mom but I know she sees me like that so I’m happy to be in that role for her. Her own Mom left her as a baby and never was in her life until she was an adult and just pops in when she needs something. Her Dad was in jail most of her childhood and then was a drug addict for most of her teen years. I’m so proud that Fearless’ Mom is so far away from that path. She was already set up a better life before I ever met her. I’ve just helped her to stay in the right path as the bumps have come up along the way. We are bringing the kids fancy clothes shopping on Saturday. It’s a very small wedding in November at City Hall and lunch after. Hopefully all love and no drama :)

Hopefully the Cutie Sibling’s Mom and her jerk boyfriend don’t have any plans for marrying!

[risustravelogue]

Never A Waste

Summary:

Your boyfriend skips work to tend to you. Again.

Featuring:

Boyfriend!Alhaitham, Chubby Depressed!Reader

Tone:

Angst.

Note:

I got sick (again) and was feeling rather shitty, so I wrote something to cheer myself up. CW: heavy self-insert, strong allusion to Reader having clinical depression.

🔗 AO3 | masterlist 🔗

Your body’s been acting up again.

The ringing in your ears has been getting worse since last week, overwhelming your senses. Then, on Saturday, the migraines came and wouldn’t go, which triggered your vertigo, which rendered you unable to go anywhere. You spent your weekend laying in bed and canceling your lunch and dinner plans. It was so bad that you couldn’t even get out of bed this morning, prompting Alhaitham to skip work and insist he takes care of you, saying, “there’s nothing important at work today, anyway.”

The thing is, this is not the first time he’s skipped work to tend to you. During the year you’ve been together, he’s done that during your pre-period fevers, period pains, bouts of depression, and more. You feel guiltier than ever for being the cause of his ditching work once again. Depressing, accusatory thoughts run through your tired mind, testing your patience. In your hazy consciousness, you end up blurting out an outlandish statement.

“Sometimes I wish I don’t exist.”

The words hang heavily in the air between you and your boyfriend. He looks at you, brows frowning in disapproval. “What brought that on?”

You close your eyes and groan as the room starts to spin around you yet again. “This,” you pout, pointing at your head, then resting your hand on your chest. “This stupid body of mine.”

He sighs and sits beside you, brushing your hair away from your face. He puts his hand on your forehead. “You’re feverish. I should carry you to Bimarstan right now.”

“Great idea. Leave me there and never return. I’m only a burden to you, after all.”

He replies with a sharp flick to your forehead.

“Ow! What was that for?” you protest.

“That's my question,” he growls.

You look up at him with narrowed eyes, not wanting to back down without getting your point across. His scolding gaze softens when tears start to form in your eyes.

“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” you say, lips trembling. “I’m a burden to you. How many times have you skipped work to tend to my episodes?”

He pauses. “I don’t keep count.”

“Well, I do. You do that at least once a month.” You turn away from him and bury your cheek into the pillow. “This… this can’t go on.”

“Why?”

“You’re the Akademiya’s Scribe,” you say, stifling back a sob. “Your work affects a lot of people. Don’t waste your time on me.”

He sighs. You feel him shifting on the bed, moving the blanket to cover his legs. You allow his right arm to wrap around your waist and turn you around to face him, while his left arm replaces the pillow beneath your head. He tilts your face towards his and places a gentle kiss on your lips.

“You’re never a waste of my time,” he says. “I said I love you, and I mean it.” He kisses you again. “I don’t mind that you’re chubby, or rather sickly, or prone to insecurities because of an illness you never wanted.” Another kiss. You feel his fingers playing with your hair. He pulls away after a while, his half-lidded verdant eyes looking straight into yours. He smiles. “I’ll always be there for you because I love you, and that’s final.”

He pulls you closer and holds you tight. You bury your face into his chest, tears streaming down, wetting his clothes. A relieved smile grows on your lips as you drift to peaceful sleep in his arms.

© @risustravelogue by @kurikurikurisu 2023 • no to reposting, yes to reblogging. feel free to send an ask to suggest, chat, etc. :)

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Fourteen

The storm rages on until Friday and is so bad that it takes six trees down in Fitzwilliam Square. One of them collapses the iron railings around the outside, and when I wake up to calm sunshine on Saturday morning the first thing I hear is workmen repairing it. The news says that a woman was killed inside her car when another tree went down on her out west, and a river in the south east burst its banks and flooded the ground floor of the buildings that face it. 

It’s hard to imagine the chaos that roared through the country mere hours before as I peer through the gossamer curtains in my bedroom, and the sun streams down from a sky so cloudless and blue that it looks like stretched silk. I push the window open, still with beads of rain clinging to the PVC and breathe in the shockingly fresh air, the petrichor smell of the roads, and the hint of sweet spring blossoms just about to burst from the trees along the street. Birds chirp and a bicycle bell rings as a woman with flowers in her wicker basket passes an elderly couple taking a morning stroll along the edge of the park. It’s like nothing ever happened.

I shower and dress quickly, and then, as planned, I head out to get a bus to Clontarf. I don’t usually get up before nine on weekends, but Jude told me, in one of his hasty texts, that he intended to be back in the hospital with Jen by eleven, so an early morning breakfast conversation to iron things out between us will have to do.

I’m nervous to see him, that much is not new, but this time it feels different. And worse. Usually, I feel nervous in the way that a thirteen-year-old girl feels about seeing the boy she fancies after school, but this, this feeling inside me feels less like butterflies and more like plain nausea, seeing as the last time we spoke he refused to look me in the face. Still, today will be different, and I’m certain that we can work out a way to get things back to the way they were before Berlin. Normal. Safe. Easy, without any of our complicated and unresolved feelings getting in the way of our friendship. It’s not too late to go back to the way it used to be, I’m certain of it, and all I’ll have to do is shove down this enormous part of me that begs me to be brave, to take a chance, and get on with whatever conversation we’re about to have.

It takes the bus so long to get across town with all of the fallen branches and obstructions, that by the time my feet touch the pavement again it’s already half past nine. I think to myself that surely an hour is enough for such a conversation as I turn up Vernon Avenue and through the gates of the Turner’s Georgian home. I knock on the door. 

“Yes?” It’s Ivy. She’s tall and gangly now, with limbs that look too long for her and features that look too big in that endearing, awkward teenage way. She was always nine in my head. How is she suddenly this big? How has time just slipped by like that?

“Is your brother in?”

“Yeah.” She says. “He’s in his room you can go on up.”

I head up the stairs, trying to ignore the weird, retroactive feelings I get at the memory of the last time I came thundering down this same staircase with tears in my eyes, and I knock gingerly on the first door on the left. 

“What?” He says from within. I hesitate. “Um. It’s Evie.”

He opens the door. “Evie? What are you doing here?”

“You wanted to meet for breakfast.”

“Yeah, but I messaged you to cancel.”

“You did?”

“On facebook.”

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, our internet went out in the storm, I haven’t been able to check any of my socials. I shouldn’t have come.”

“It’s alright.” He stands aside and allows me into his room, his childhood room, for the very first time. And it’s plain and barren, and I’m just beginning to wonder why it’s so void of all personality before I realise that he must have taken almost everything he owns with him to Berlin. This is just a blue-painted box with a bed, wardrobe and desk. He has unpacked suitcases open on the floor, one spilling over with t-shirts, which brings me a sense of camaraderie and comfort. He’s messy. 

I perch on the edge of his unmade bed. “Is everything alright? How come you cancelled?”

“There was flooding in Wexford. My dad wants me to go down and check that everything is alright with the house.”

“The beach house?”

“Yeah. Just in case something got damaged in the storm.” He’s moving around jerkily, agitated, grabbing keys and wallet and phone. Rifling through the wardrobe for a waterproof jacket. “I planned to visit Jen this morning, but I suppose this can’t really wait, but I suppose if I make it a quick enough journey I might be back before visiting hours end. Sorry that you came all the way over only for me to be on the way out.”

“Me too, but it’s alright, really. Maybe I can go and get breakfast on my own…?”

“Yeah. Pigeon House is good.” He’s doing his best to avoid looking at me.

“Still, I was really hoping that you and I could talk, you know? I don’t really feel good about putting it off.”

“Okay well if you want to talk about it now I can spare about four minutes before I have to hit the road.”

I chew on my lip. He leans back against his desk with his arms folded, eyebrows raised, waiting for me to say something. He’s so mad at me. Discomfort prickles a path down my spine. “Well we might need more than four minutes, Jude.”

“Another day then.”

I start picking the hangnail on my thumb. “Well, maybe, you know, if you’re not going to be too long at the beach, I could come along and we can talk then?”

“You want to come to the beach. With me.”

“Yeah, I think that I do.”

His sigh is hassled and resigned, and he wrestles his arms into his jacket. “Fine, yeah. If you want to then come. I’m leaving now though.”

I start seriously questioning whether this is a normal thing to want to do. To be trapped for hours with someone who is actively furious with me, hanging around on the beach where we first met, but perhaps it’s the very best place for us to talk, perhaps it’s worth revisiting this place that holds so much cosmic energy again, if not to re-experience some of the magic of it, then at least to sever my connection to it, and put all of those old memories and feelings to bed once and for all. It’ll be like visiting a museum dedicated to the final weeks of my childhood. 

“Okay, I’m ready if you are,” I say.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Workshopping an idea below the cut, feel free to ignore, im mostly organizing thoughts for therapy lol.

Warnings for mentions of medical neglect, self deprecation, illness/COVID, and related stuff.

When I had COVID, it went bad. Not just because I was sick, although that was certainly part of it. High fevers and constant exhaustion are misery-inducing, let alone the amount of missed classwork I had to work on from my bedroom. But that’s not what I remember about having COVID. I remember going hungry.

COVID, until recently, was handled by my university differently than other illnesses. I think that’s rather stupid; I fully support masking and mandatory self-isolation time during illness, but I don’t think those should be COVID-exclusive policies. I should be guaranteed a rescheduled exam if I have strep or the flu, also. But, because of the ongoing pandemic, COVID was unique as far as enforced isolation policies. For five days after first symptoms (at the time I was infected), you were forbidden from attending class, and for the next five days, you had to mask. You’d get a doctor’s note from the clinic excusing you from all your classes for a few days, it was a whole thing.

I did not initially get diagnosed with COVID. I started showing symptoms on Saturday night, but on Sunday, my rapid test at home was negative. On Monday, my rapid test in the university clinic was negative, and I only got a doctor’s note for the day, with instructions to return if I got worse. That afternoon, my fever soared to 101 degrees, and I was so delirious that I forgot how to treat a fever. I had to cancel attending DND, even masked and socially distanced or online, because I was incoherent from exhaustion. The next morning, I was too ill to talk or drive, and had to use an AAC to ask my friend to drive me to the doctor.

Funnily enough, even in that state, I did not think to ask my roommates to drive me to the doctor.

Which is odd for a couple reasons, honestly. On Monday, I had been in the living room the whole afternoon, shivering under a blanket on the couch and staring at a wall for hours. My roommates both had schedules which had them passing me by several times. Neither interacted with me at all, until I went into the kitchen and used my AAC to try and talk to them. Even then, they often breezed past me or ignored me when I did use my AAC, and I left that conversation frustrated because I didn’t get enough time to type a sentence. I may as well have been a rock. A sweaty, shivering rock. But I had talked to them, and I had known I was going to need to go to the doctor, and they were right there. So why didn’t I ask them to help me?

I didn’t eat at all on Monday, as far as I recall. I know I woke up on Tuesday starving. I know the only thing I have evidence of me consuming is water and tea. I know I got stuck in the shower that night, laying in the tub, too weak to climb out. For a while, I couldn’t lift my head. I’m impressed I didn’t fall asleep there.

Tuesday came, and I was diagnosed with COVID after the third rapid test came back aggressively positive. There’s something to be said about not assuming a negative test means you’re not infected with COVID, but that’s a different discussion. To be safe, I was given a doctor’s note exempting me from class until Friday. I tried to be responsible, and so I told my friend, my roommates, and anyone I had been in contact with since Saturday. Most people said “oh, I’m so sorry you’re sick, feel better!” My friend mentioned they’d disinfect their car. My roommates told me not to leave my room. Don’t get them sick.

And that’s reasonable. I’d already planned on self isolating. We were all Honors students; because the university treated COVID differently, if they were considered infectious, they would also have to miss a week of class. But their concern had nothing to do with my health, or their health, or anyone else’s. Their only response was “don’t get us sick. We can’t afford to miss class. Don’t leave your room.”

And so I didn’t.

It’s funny, how not leaving your room gets very difficult after a while. For starters, I had to use the bathroom. That, I accepted, was a necessary quarantine breach. I couldn’t pee in my room. The landlords would kill me, but more practically, that’s just unsanitary and would make me getting sick more likely. I couldn’t hold it forever, either. At some point I was forced to leave. And that was fine, small dilemma resolved, I���d only go when I desperately had to use the bathroom. But what about leaving for other things?

I never thought to ask if I could leave to get my things from downstairs. That was frivolous, even if I wanted them. Or to go downstairs for my water, or snacks. Too risky. Common areas. My roommates had been very clear that any risk of them getting sick would be dire.

Which meant that when my sick body started having bodily needs, things quickly got very complicated.

That first day, after my appointment, I ordered chipotle. My mom had venmoed me some money when she heard I was sick, worrying that I hadn’t been eating. Which. I hadn’t. I asked my roommate to bring me my food, and after a while, she did. Perfect. The burrito would tide me over for a while, I thought. I’d be full for a long time.

Then thirst started to crawl up on me. I had juice at the doctor’s that morning (I was hyperventilating and they needed an accurate measure of my heart rate), but other than that, I’d had nothing. I needed water.

But I didn’t ask for any.

Instead, I waited until the dead of night, and then stole down the stairs, grabbed several waters, crept back upstairs, and chugged desperately while hoping my roommates didn’t catch me leaving my room.

Why did I do that?

Why didn’t I just ask for water?

Why did I feel ashamed, like I had broken some law?

The next day, I woke up starving. Which makes sense. I hadn’t eaten since noon the day before. I was sick. My body needed energy to heal and it didn’t have any. I complained to my friend that I was hungry and sick; they were very kind, and went to the grocery store for me, buying me popsicles and juice and Gatorade and other foods and medicine and such. Except, my roommates didn’t want any strangers in the house, so they delivered it on my doorstep. Which I couldn’t get to. One roommate collected the groceries, sent me a photo, and I was suddenly struck with guilt. Here I was, inviting a stranger to her to our home, inconveniencing her by forcing her to put away my groceries. But I was also very thirsty, so I asked for one of the Gatorades to be delivered to my room. She brought up the whole pack. Left it outside my doorstep. I waited until she was back downstairs. She didn’t bring up anything else; none of the medicine or food my friend had bought me. But in fairness, I didn’t ask her to.

The next 48 hours were marked by living off of that Gatorade.

I was thirsty, so I drank a Gatorade. And then I realized I felt less hungry afterwards, so I opened another one. Drank that one too. The fun thing is, I don’t actually like Gatorade? I asked for it because I was dehydrated and knew I needed electrolytes to replace the fever sweat. But usually, Gatorade is something I begrudgingly sip at.

I finished four bottles that day.

That night, I texted my roommates and asked if someone could microwave me some food. It was already precooked, I just needed it microwaved. I got back one roommate’s text: “I’m in class”.

Around an hour later, the other roommate stopped studying long enough to make dinner, and saw my text, and apparently felt kind enough to microwave precooked sausage for me. She didn’t really check it? It was still cold in the middle. Which. Was not great, given that I have major texture sensitivities surrounding cold food. But she had made it for me, and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours since then, so I ate it. Slowly. Forcing myself to swallow. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it, just *swallow*. You have no room to complain.

I was still hungry. So I had another Gatorade.

Thursday arrived, I was on my last day of quarantine, and I had a weekend of recovery to look forward to. I was egregiously sick of Gatorade. My teeth, in my phone’s camera, were pink from the red dye. The paper plate from last night sat on my floor, forgotten, still smelling of sausage. I caught up on schoolwork. One of my two labs had leftover recordings from 2020, so I could make that one up online, and I got an exemption for attending the other one. I was weak and shaking from low blood sugar and illness, but I had shit to do, so I did it. Was it my best work? No. Did it get done? Yes. I was too tired to care about scores.

My homework was done. It was 3:48 PM. I was starving.

I texted and asked for someone to make me a frozen meal from the freezer. Slightly more inconvenient than the microwave. It had to go in the oven. I winced typing it. My roommates were so busy. They didn’t have time to waste on me.

Return text: “I’m in band til 5:20”.

Coolcoolcool. I can wait. I’ll sip another Gatorade.

5:20 comes and goes. I hear the door downstairs open. Half an hour passes. No sounds of food making. Welp. She’s busy. Maybe she forgot, or class ran overtime and I misheard, or she just can’t do it.

I text: “Checking in on the food situation?”

Suddenly, in that moment, my roommates stopped caring if I got them sick by leaving my room. The third time I ate in four days was by dinner I cooked myself, sitting on the floor of the kitchen with a mask on, trying not to fall asleep and let it burn.

Honestly, I walked away from that situation feeling like I was in the wrong. Clearly I had misunderstood something. Every time I asked for something, there was a long pause, or I was told someone was too busy to help me. I was burdening my roommates with my needs, when they were trying to work on schoolwork. Maybe I should have known I could leave my room for water, or to cook, during the day. Nevermind that I was so tired that standing up made my legs shake. I could still walk. I could sit on the floor and wait for my food. I could have taken breaks on the stairs if I was tired. I’d been lazy and needy and presumptuous.

My friends had… a different opinion about that situation.

This week, I got sick. I knew I was likely going to get sick. I went to visit some close friends, knowing some of them weren’t feeling well, and that I was going to be staying in their house. It was a calculated risk for me. I wouldn’t be in contact with a lot of other people during the trip, and if I did get sick during the trip, I wouldn’t leave the house, and regardless of how I felt, I would wear a mask while outside the house. I knew I could easily self isolate when I got home from the trip, since my bedroom is across from the bathroom and right next to the kitchen. I thought that I could just sleep during the day and eat at night, and nobody would have to be bothered by me when I got sick. I love these friends very much, and for me, it was worth it.

Notably, I live in a new house now, and with new roommates.

I did get sick, like I predicted. During the trip, no less. The second half of my visit was mostly me sleeping on a couch, or trying very hard to stay awake on a couch. I was miserable a lot of the time. I cried several times over minor inconveniences. I felt lazy and needy and presumptuous; now my friends had to put up with me being sick and weepy. I wasn’t being helpful. I wasn’t being energetic and fun to be around.

The way they treated me was night and day, compared to my old roommates.

Every time someone passed me by, they asked if I was okay. Did I want tea? Did I want some Emergen-C? Could I be persuaded to eat something? Did I need ibuprofen, or perhaps some pseudoephedrine? We ran out of sparkling water, and my friend just. Went to the store and got me some more, and some chips I liked, and some candy as a treat to snack on. I misplaced a plushie, and started crying, and… someone got up and helped me find her. They also played video games and streamed it so I could watch it from my phone while resting. Someone made my favorite dinners. My sensory issues flared up halfway through eating toast, and suddenly I had multiple people helping me get food I could eat to take my meds with. When I needed to shower, I was given access to a shower chair. I was never more than a word away from help, even if it was just something I wanted and not something I needed to feel better.

And then I got home, and my new roommate did the same thing!

I went to self isolate in my room, fully expecting to be forgotten about for the rest of the day. But my roommate sat six feet away, through my doorway, just talking to me until I was laughing. They made me dinner, and then lunch the next day. They bought me groceries again. Told me I could leave my room whenever I needed to, and that I was allowed to get water and food, why was that even a question? Hey, come watch me play Baldur’s gate. Yeah you can sit in the living room; you have a mask on and we’ll be distanced enough.

And every time I said how nice someone was being, or tried to apologize for being needy or inconvenient, I got pushed back. No, we’re not “being so nice to you”, this is basic decency, Blue. This is normal. People are meant to take care of each other when they’re sick. Who would just abandon a sick person to starve? Why are you apologizing? Why do you keep asking if you’re “allowed” to take care of your basic needs?

I don’t know.

It’s easy to point to my COVID experience and say that’s what messed me up. But even when I was sick with COVID, I didn’t want to ask for help. The negative responses reinforced that I was being too needy, but that idea wasn’t new to me. I already didn’t want to ask. I didn’t ask for food multiple times a day. I didn’t ask for the food and medicine my friend had bought me. I didn’t ask for water; I stole it from my own minifridge in the dead of night. Why didn’t you just steal food too, Blue? Great question! I felt so guilty about getting the water that it outweighed my intense hunger.

And the whole time I recounted it to other people, I doubted my own experience of the events. My memory is notoriously shitty when I’m tired or sick. I lose chunks of time. It happens. Maybe I forgot when my roommates did help me. Maybe I was emotional and misremembered how they treated me. Maybe they did care, and did ask about me, and I was too feverish to remember it. But I do have text records of every conversation we had between that Tuesday and Thursday. Because I was in my room the whole time. And could not talk to people. I have timestamps for their responses, and I have what they said and what I said.

And from those brief texts, I can tell you that I was treated as needy. and lazy. and presumptuous. I can tell you that my needs weren’t met, and instead of being angry, I apologized. I can tell you that my roommates were quick to respond when I talked about the cat sitting in the bathroom sink, or where to find the pizza cutter, but when I asked for any help, it was radio silence or “I’m in class”. Any help I did receive in that time was delayed, with no verbal confirmation it was happening, and I was left in extended limbo wondering if anybody would help me or had even read my messages.

All that’s changed is, now I know it didn’t have to be that way.

These old roommates still call me their friend. I don’t really know that I want to be their friend anymore. My friends didn’t neglect me so much that I spent hours shivering on the couch ignored, or got stuck in a shower with no way to ask for help, or stole water in the dead of night.

[taylor]

If the following situation happened to you, how would you feel? Because I’m really hurt and pissed but maybe I’m missing something obvious?

- Last Tuesday, my friend Jordyn invited me and another friend to a bar this weekend on Saturday (last night).

- Saturday morning (yesterday) she texts the group chat and verifies we’re still down for the night - the plan at this point is meet at Jordyn’s house at 7 to leave together to the bar.

- It’s 6:30 PM and I’ve been cleaning the house and realize I’m going to be late, so I call Jordyn to let her know I’ll just meet her at the bar. She doesn’t answer, so I check my texts and see that I missed where she said at 3:40 PM in the group text: “Change of plans no bar tonight the vibe is weird”. I reply back asking about the vibe being weird and she texts me one on one saying she’ll call me in 10 minutes and I’m like sweet cool that’s fine - that’s at 6:30 PM. (for context, she was at a friend’s graduation, and had to see a girl she’s been in a semi-fight and big misunderstanding with, so my assumption is the “vibe” being off was due to this other girl and her boyfriend, who Jordyn had been somewhat involved with at some point.)

- I’m not the kind of person who thinks 10 minutes HAS to always mean 10 minutes, so I continue cleaning and an hour and 20 minutes go by and I decide to text her like bestie what’s the tea i’m so curious (this is at like 7:50 PM i think?) and right after i send it I open my find my friends app and I see Jordyn literally pull up at the bar, like the timing was insane to actually see her pull up like that.

- So she’s at the bar, that she said earlier tonight wasn’t happening anymore. I’m pissed because I feel like somewhere along the line she lied to me and I don’t understand why. Either she lied about me being invited to the bar in the first place, which doesn’t make sense, or she lied about it being cancelled, or just lied by omission. I ended up checking her location like 4 hours later and she was still at the bar (she’s home now so she didn’t leave her phone there like she’s done before lol).

…would y’all feel the same anger/resentment/sadness/etc that I feel? Because Jordyn and I recently got into a huge argument where I told her I felt she didn’t value our friendship because she kept cancelling plans last minute and I just wanted to hang out with her and it felt like I didn’t matter enough to her for her to always come up with an excuse for why today wouldn’t work - to her credit, though, when we finally talked things through 2 weeks later, she apologized for always cancelling or changing plans and said she’d try to be better about it (which is all anyone can ask for, for someone to TRY, and the result is MORE time with my bestie, which I always want). Then this happens not even a week after we reconciled over her CANCELLING AND CHANGING PLANS ALL THE TIME? like maybe i’m just an idiot but it seems to me like maybe not ideal to cancel plans with someone only to keep those same plans actually and just lol never reply to them?

Also, I texted her a few minutes later after I saw her get to the bar and I suggested seeing a movie or going to the bar anyway - I didn’t wanna be the weirdo who’s like I SEE YOURE AT THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT but honestly i was hoping she’d just say “omg come on by, the plans are back on!!” bc i was literally ready to go out and have fun, and i wanted to even try to give her an “out” where she could see i was still trying to make something happen, but wasn’t calling her out (even tho i probably rightfully could have). so anyway, i did text her at 8 pm with that idea and then at like 12:45 she’s still at the fucking bar and has yet to text me back, which will probably happen tomorrow but until then i’m just left to sit here and wonder what the fuck just happened and maybe she just doesn’t want me around? am i oblivious to this and maybe i’ve been recently annoying her and she felt like she had no option but to not re-invite me? or had no option but to lie? she’s like my best friend irl and so i don’t want to lose her but i don’t like this icky feeling i’ve got going on

[scatteredfeelings-brokenmind]

It’s been a loooooong time since I vented on here, I actually stopped because after I would write on here - things always got worse and I thought it was bad luck.

But now I need to.

To put a small part of my brain into perspective: I need plans stuck to. ESPECIALLY if it revolves around drinking. Whether it’s my anxiety, or my fear of no control, or maybe just adhd - if I agree to go somewhere I have to mentally prepare myself and put myself in a headspace to handle it. When the plans change, or they get dragged out due to others desisions, or they get cancelled - good or bad it throws me into an emotionally unhinged headspace.

This weekend (it’s currently Saturday and we are here) my partner and I were travelling a small distance to see his Nan as his grandad receantly passed and she is now on her own. This has been planned for weeks. We had planned to do jobs for her and for my partner to do the things his grandad would do like clean the gutters. 3 hours before we set off to come, my partner decided he wanted to see his friends here, I love these friends and had no issue with that - but I had to mention to him that it had thrown me off and I now had to mentally prepare that it’s now not a weekend at home with his nan, it’s also a couple drinks with his friends.

We got to the drinks with friends at the pub like him and I had talked about, all great. Hours pass and there is talk of going to his friends house to hang out and drink more - I had decided long ago that I was staying sober as I wasn’t comfortable mentally to socialise and drink. This was fine, I just had to mentally re-prepare again to allow mental energy for this.

Hours pass again, and I had been left in the corner on my phone while he played video games and got drunk with his best friend. I have no issue with him doing this usually - but on this weekend it upset me that I felt like he had almost forgotten I was there, he was with his friend and that was all that mattered. The night goes on and it’s now 1am. He NOW decides he wants to go out to a bar to gamble… I reluctantly drive him and his friend there, but I’m not capeable of altering my mentality for a 4th time. I sit silent for 30 mins, before he looks to me and says “if you’re bored you can go home” thinking he’s doing the right thing by letting me know I don’t have to stay if I don’t want to. I appreciate the thought at the least.

Now Im laying in bed, I left him in a bar because I had enough and was visibly emotional. Sad because I feel forgotten and left out, angry because today has taken a huge mental tole on me, crying out of fear because I’ve just left him in the same environment he once cheated on me in, and gutted because I’d bet my life that if the shoe was on the other foot this whole night - he would not have been as tolerant as I was.

He won’t see it the way I do, so I’m unsure I’ll even bother bringing it up. I’m sick of feeling like a burden. He tells me he wants me to be honest about my feelings and tell him when I’m upset, but when I do I’m made to feel like I’m wrong for thinking/feeling it. I get responses like “i dont know why you would even think that” or “you’re just overthinking”.

Im not perfect, not by a long shot - but I know damn well if he was visibly as uncomfortable as I was , i would have left and taken him home immediately. A piss up with a friend is not as important as someone I want to spend my life with. Not to me at least.

We shall see.

[croissantbae]

June 19, 2023. This weekend was so full I can’t believe it. It was 2 fast 2 furious.

Friday: had dinner for hatty’s birthday at Laredo or lorato. Whatever trudy. And the food was surprisingly delicious!! First time I’ve enjoyed the food that much in a while. Then we didn’t want the fun to end so we sat in paiks car after feeling weird in a boba shop and just all poured our hearts out. The three words thing for the bday girl is truly so great. I could feel how loved hatty felt from it and it felt very nice to witness. Seriously though I think all of us left that night feeling a burst of love for each other individually and for the group as a collective. It reminded me so much of the types of hangouts the GGs would have growing up.

Saturday: naya really didn’t want to go to vbs because she said she can’t do what she wants to do but she has to do what they tell her. But I had nothing planned for that day (I actually canceled my volunteer thing bc I didn’t realize we couldn’t just drop them off at vbs but had to go w them). So we said let’s just try going and if u really don’t like it we can leave. She ended up having so much fun she didn’t want to go home. At first there was a service and at the end everyone took one of those gigantic group photos. There was the body worship dance things by the youth and a time of praise. Everything just felt so wholesome. Jason was like if they’re trying to convert us… I’m all in. It was just so family friendly and the kids ministry was 🔥. After there was lunch and then a festival. They got to do games, go in a bounce house, eat cotton Candy, there was some bombbbbb ddeokbokki wifh a spicy version for adults and non spicy for kids. It was a blast. It was kind of hot tho so they had an indoor portion that was a laser show and it was perfect for cooling down. The teachers were also so sweet. They came by to all say hi to Dani and say how cute she is. It wS just nice thst they remembered them even tho we don’t go to the church. We went bc Edenhurst kids get to go free.

After vbs we went down to Fullerton and had dinner w Jason’s mom and step dad. It was really nice to hang out for the first time all together in what felt like a long time. Just like how Dani and Shiloh are sort of frenemies I feel like Dani and Rowan are too lol.

Sunday: we went back down to Fullerton for Father’s Day w Jason’s dad. We went swimming even though temp reallt cooled down (well, when I say we I mean the dads and kids went swimming). Then we ate gogi and veggies and bap (always getting good hot links at their house. It’s the perfect level of spice). Jason’s dad got the girls books and Nayas were workbooks. She did them the entire time the car ride up. She loooves them. It was so nice just spending more time at Eileen’s and Jordon’s in Fullerton and seeing Rowan playing w the girls. On the way back home I picked up a few things I bought from facebook marketplace. (1) kinetic sand for $3. Jason was like how much sand are you buying? A cup full? And o was like no no the pic seemed like a lot! 25 pounds. We’ll be saving like $50. I get there and it’s like maybe a few pounds… lol. (2) princess standing things we can use as backdrops for the party. When we took it to my moms house nay wouldn’t stop carrying it and playing with it. I’m starting to get concerned magbe the princess thing is getting out of hand. Jimmy was like you know what this is? Idolatry. Humans basic instinct to worship something lol.

We had dinner at my moms for Father’s Day and man she over cooked some ribs so it was tough to eat but everything else was good.

Monday: went to the mall and exploded Nayas mind going shopping. First we went to Zara but my mom said there was something she wanted to buy her at Bloomingdales so we go and the dresses are freaking $200 plus. I was like omg. Nay tried on 3 diff kinds and I was like choose one. But my mom was like no no you can choose two. Naya had a hard time picking and we ended up buying all 3 (but partially so that the girls could share rather than buying two of the same for each of them). When we got home I ordered cheaper dresses and let the kids plAY In the nice Bloomingdales ones but took careful care to keep the tags on bc my mom HAS TO RETURN IT.

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning!

I couldn’t wait to get started this morning. I got my pot started and sat down to put this post together. When the coffee finished I poured my first cup. I almost let that cup get too cool to drink. The shame! I’ve since remedied the situation and have resolved to not let it happen with my second cup! ☕️

Enjoy the linkage!

Sprudge

Espresso is basically magic. The more I learn about what goes on inside the black box that is the portafilter, the more certain I am of it.

Yes, pulling a really great shot feels like magic. When Haileigh — our oldest daughter — was a barista at a very snobby coffee shop she’d spend the morning adjusting the grinder. That would result in a half to one pound of coffee being ground just to get it properly set up. Was the espresso great? It certainly was. 🪄

Mediaite

Now Disney is cancelling plans to build a massive nearly $1 billion office complex in Orlando, costing the state more than 2,000 six-figure jobs.

I would love to see Bob Iger move jobs out of Florida. The state has gone full fascist under DeSantis and isn’t a safe place for LGBTQ+, black and brown folks, women, and children. Their educational system is teaching them to become white supremacists and intolerant and even their institutions of higher education are under attack.

If you can, get out.

gonsoloblog

TLDR: Render Disney’s Moana scene in less than 10.000 lines of Swift code.

Man, I love the field I work in and the nerds who comprise it. I say that with the utmost respect.

Joyce Vance

Monday morning, American democracy became more brittle, at least in Florida, where Governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill that prohibits the state’s public colleges and universities from continuing their diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) programs.

Ah, yes, more of Florida’s fascist Governor making Florida a worse place to live. It makes me wonder if he’s setting it up to secede from our Union, kind of like Texas? It’s like the South is trying it’s damndest to rise again. We can’t let that happen.

Matt Corey

Ok, it didn’t exactly go down like that, and no, it wasn’t “take this job and shove it” either, but I actually did it. I left a great job that I enjoyed, and now I’m officially self employed. What hell am I thinking!?

Matt is going Indie and I’m more than a bit jealous! I wish I could pull it off. I’m pulling for you to be wildly successful Matt! 👍🏼

Defector

I’d like the record to show that I resisted getting AirPods for a long time. 

This is a really great piece by everybody’s favorite swole woman, Casey Johnston.

Her post is all about her quest to recover her lost — and subsequently stolen — AirPods. Go read the piece, it’s really good.

Steve Roy

Five years later I’m still as happy with this decision as I was then. I post to my site, and it gets cross-posted to social media. Today that means Mastodon. Eventually it may mean something else. But no matter what, steveroy.ca will always be the source of truth.

Making your weblog the hub of your social media presence is smart and the proper way to own your content. It’s why I started posting more short content without titles here. While I can’t auto post my content to Mastodon — I could but Micro.blog has some limitations — I do re-post most of my short posts there.

The Pink News

Actor and trans icon Elliot Page has opened up about how gender-affirming care changed his life in a moving Instagram post.

I’ve read stories like this time and again. As soon as a trans persons begins or completes their transition they become a much happier person. I’m happy for Elliot and wish him many long, happy, and fruitful years ahead.

Netflix Technology Blog

The Compute team at Netflix is charged with managing all AWS and containerized workloads at Netflix, including autoscaling, deployment of containers, issue remediation, etc. As part of this team, I work on fixing strange things that users report.

The modern day hero of computing is the DevOps engineer. They’re a mix of geeky computer tech and software developer all rolled into one extremely busy package.

If you’re a Unix/Linux geek I’d imagine you’ll enjoy the piece.

Jalopnik

New cars are getting too expensive, but the value from some of the old standards from Honda, Toyota and Hyundai is still there

Yep, cars are crazy expensive. Yep, good inexpensive cars are impossible to find. Yep, there are good used cars on the market.

Your mileage may vary. 🚙

Orhun Parmaksız

That day I decided to write my own pastebin service. And of course, I was going to write it in Rust.

Neat little piece about one persons quest to make their own thing. All in Rust of course. Because why not?

Steven Beschloss

The offering of “thoughts and prayers” after each murderous mass shooting has become a nauseating refrain. You know the drill: The speakers/tweeters utter this blood-stained phrase (or a close variant) like robots.

Thoughts and prayers is the GOP way to get evangelical Christian support. That’s all it is, a ploy for votes, an an easy one at that. Just drop a few simple words on social media and gain support for your Godliness. Disgusting, the whole lot. 🤬

I suspect Jesus would support an end to the violence.

PC Gamer

Activision Blizzard’s mandatory return-to-office policy is causing an unnecessary loss of talent, to the point where it could affect development of major titles like World of Warcraft and Diablo 4, according to some Blizzard developers.

Return to office has been a real hot button topic all over the country. Many jobs, like mine, don’t really require me to drive to the office.

Now, having said that, a lot of folks NEED and LOVE the interaction they have in person in an office. Our CEO is a prime example. He believes in person work is the best way to work. That’s all fine and good. Just remember others of us find it distracting, especially in open space offices.

I work in an all remote team at WillowTree but I think about going into the office once in a while for a little human interaction. 😁

One other note. I’d probably find it more tolerable since becoming an Engineering Director because I spend most of my day interacting with other folks. But developer Rob loves quiet and an open floor plan office was horrible for that. I can control my home workspace. At the office I’d have to find a place to hide to do meaningful work as a developer.

I like to tease my JavaScript friends when I get the chance. Most of them own up to the fact it’s a terrible language.😁

It’s the language of the web. No way around it at the moment. Some other thing will come along to replace it. I suppose WebAssembly could eventually be ubiquitous enough to allow us to code in other languages daily but it seems JavaScript is here to stay.

[ghostofcitrus]

cw transphobia

just learned that my dad told my (closeted genderfluid) younger sister that they can’t use my pronouns bc “he doesn’t care what we do later in life, but he has two daughters” (after they used them in convo and he was all like “who are you talking about ?”). apparently he got all annoyed/angry about it too.

this fucking sucks. esp bc my younger sister literally was only using they/them, not even he or ey. i specially only use they/them for my parents bc i thought it would be easier for them to digest. i thouvht he was fine?? i had come out to my mom and asked her to tell him for me,, she said she did and he was just like “okay” and didn’t really care! which fine for me. i had assumed they saw me as “their daughter who identified as non-binary” but were supportive and just thouvht that bc of the generation gap and they didn’t understand. not that my dad was explicitly unsupportive.

obviously i’m still really privileged because i’m safe and my mom literally doesn’t seem to care and even tho she doesn’t use my pronouns im like 99% sure it’s purely bc shes bad with that stuff and not thinking about it (and i don’t correct her). tho i do think she thinks it’s a phase (she makes comments that lead me to belive this) but honestly i don’t even fucking care about that. she doesn’t make it my problem and just said that whatever i do as long as i’m safe, she doesn’t care and is supportive of. but i didn’t expect that from my dad at all. it’s really hurtful. i feel like shit. and i’m nervous that when i get my binder and start wearing it he’ll say something directly to me. my mom knows i bought it and thinks it’s just a sports bra and i “fell for the marketing” but she said she doesn’t care. once again, whatever, not my problem, as long as she doesn’t prevent me from transitioning, i’m fine. but i just don’t know if my dad will say something now.

i don’t know. my parents are a lot better than most. and i’m safe. but my mom never uses my pronouns and i’m 85% sure thinks it’s a phase and i’m 100% sure my dad does not support it and won’t let people use my pronouns around him. i’m just glad pronouns aren’t my main (or big) cause of upset or dysphoria for me. still hurts that he doesn’t support me.

at least my younger sister knows not to come out, they had been thinking about doing it somewhat soon. and at least i know they can kinda get it and i know they’re totally supportive of me.

sorry for the whole long venty post. i just want to put it somewhere where people who can understand might see it. i’m just kinda hurt rn. i’m just tired, i’m gonna go to bed :( hopefully my binder finally fuckimg SHIPS tomorrow i ordered it like a week ago😭 that’s the good news i need to hear rn

[scarlettriot]

Along for the Ride PT 1

Pairing: KirishimaxF!Reader

Summary: A drunken mistake had you marking the little Plus One box to your snobby cousin's wedding. Kirishima told you not to worry, if you couldn't find a date, he'd go with you. When the wedding gets moved up, there's absolutely no time to find a date and you're now about to be traveling to America with Kirishima on a private jet no less, dreading having him meet your rude and impossibly arrogant family.

Contains: Kirishima and Reader both come from very well-off families. Plus-Sized Reader. Fluff. Hurt/Comfort.

Warnings: Kinda smutty for a minute. Minors DNI. Drunken Sex. TW: Manipulative Family Relationships. TW: Body Image Issues

A/N: This story has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I might rewrite this and repost. Or I might just post the whole thing soon. I dunno yet. It does get smuttier.

Word Count: 4,974

"What's up with Y/N?"

Eijiro stepped out of the locker room with a towel slung over his shoulder and made his way into the kitchenette where Mina was chugging a bottle of water before getting back to her patrol. His eyes were trained on their mutual friend out on the patio, pacing.

You had your phone pressed to your ear, the high neck of your hero costume unzipped to your collarbone and he noticed your gloves discarded on a chair.

"No clue." Mina shrugged. "She got back from patrol and she noticed a bunch of missed calls from her mom. She's been out there, flailing on the phone for the last fifteen minutes now."

The three of you had met in your second year at UA when you transferred into their class and were quickly accepted by their little squad of friends. You were a bit quiet at first but quickly found comfort in the group. Eijiro had grown especially close to you when you both interned with Fat Gum.

Late nights traveling on the train back to school, a few close calls while helping patrol, and days spent playing cards while you both healed up in the hospital left plenty of time for Eijiro to get to know you better than most. It was how he knew you had a pretty bad relationship with your family, why you hated returning home for the holidays almost as much as you hated any and all forms of tomatoes.

He considered going out there just to see if there was anything he could do but before he had the chance, you were sliding the glass door open. "Oh, good, you're back." He offered you a bottle of water for your throat that he assumed was sore after that argument. "I- um- can I borrow you for a second? Alone?"

Mina snorted a laugh. "If you guys wanna bang it out on the counter you can just say so. I gotta go to work anyways."

Eijiro threw the towel at her as she left the room leaving you two alone. "What's goin' on?"

You hoisted yourself up on the countertop while he leaned against the fridge. "You remember my cousin's wedding that's happening this winter?"

He nodded. He vividly remembered the both of you getting waste a few weeks ago when you were filling out the RSVP and accidentally marking 'plus one'. Then you ran around trying to find White Out but he'd told you if you didn't find a date or have a significant other by the time of the wedding, he'd just go with you.

You argued that your family was bat shit crazy, had more money than they could spend in their lifetime and because of that, they were among some of the rudest people you knew, and you didn't want Eijiro or anyone else around that.

The thing was, Eijiro already knew that and was still okay with going. He came from money too. A lot of it. His family was just more welcoming than yours, the wealth never really going to their heads. But, he reminded you that he'd ran into enough people like those in your family that he knew how to handle them. You finally agreed to let him accompany you, leaving the plus one box checked but the name line blank.

"Well, my cousin just found out that surprise, she's pregnant! And, obviously, she can't have a wedding while seven months along so they've decided to move the wedding up to this weekend."

He nearly choked on his own spit. "This weekend? As in four days from now?"

"Yup! Saturday at 4 in the evening. Oh! No one's supposed to know she's pregnant either. So, I'm just supposed to compliment her on how flattering her dress looks, how thin she is," Your hands strangled the water bottle between them, "And I have to find something flattering to my figure because my mother has seen me in my hero outfit and she's so glad I wear a mask because if anyone knew her daughter ran around looking like I do, well, it'd ruin her!"

You massaged your temples circling back to the actual point, "Anyways, I just wanted to bitch for a sec and let you know you're off the hook since four days is just a little short notice and I told her my plus one wouldn't be able to get the time off that fast."

He pushed off the fridge. "Well, wait, hang on! I'm not letting you go in alone to deal with them! Hell no! You need backup!" You looked almost taken aback by his abruptness, "Yeah. I can work this out. Is the wedding at the same place it was supposed to be or has it moved?"

"No, it's still that fancy lodge in California. I was planning on leaving Friday morning and then coming back either Sunday night or Monday morning since my mother insists I go to their brunch the following day. But, Eijiro, I already have this weekend off..."

"Denki owes me a favor or twelve. He's supposed to be off this weekend too, I'll just see if he can cover me."

"And if he can't?"

"Then..." He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, "Y/N, am I feeling warm to you? I think I might be starting a fever!"

You folded your arms, shaking your head, "Thought you said lying isn't manly."

"Technically, correct. But, what would be real unmanly is for me to let you deal with your family's bullshit all alone." You watched him closely, "To be honest, I'm sure we could just explain you had a family thing come up and asked me to come along for moral support. I don't really think anyone would think twice about it. Hell, you took a few days off to console me when my turtle died suddenly!"

"Eiji, you refused to eat."

"And you brought me my favorite dumplings! Same thing!"

You might have shaken your head at him but your arms opened wide. The telltale sign you wanted affection. He walked forward, consuming you in a tight hug. Your arms latched around his neck, face buried in the hollow of his throat. "You're the best."

"I just do what I can."

>>><<<

You should have canceled. Instead of Eijiro faking sick to get out of work, you should have faked it with your mother so you didn't have to go in the first place. You crumpled to the floor of your bedroom in pure frustration amidst the twenty or so outfits and dozen pairs of shoes you'd thrown out of your closet trying to find something that your mother would deem appropriate.

It wasn't your fault you had a fuller figure. You worked out, ate right, not to mention your job kept you very active, and yet your, hips, ass, and breasts were by no means subtle.

Your mother had also insisted on the dress being floor-length and modern, "Do try not wearing all black. It's a wedding, not a funeral. And, get your hair looking natural, please." And, just like that, 70% of your wardrobe was out the window!

"It's open!" You called from the floor when the doorbell rang.

"You really should lock this." Mina tutted, walking through the door with a bag full of takeout.

"I do. At night."

"Honey, it's 9 PM."

"Night like bedtime."

Mina just rolled her eyes and walked into your tiny kitchen. "I see the dress hunt is going well."

"I actually figured it out!" You got off the floor, careful not to step on a heel as you made your way to the pink haired woman, "I'm just gonna go in my birthday suit. I figured, my mother made my body technically therefore she can't disapprove of it. Because, you know, she's never done anything wrong in her life!"

Your best friend snorted out a laugh and passed you the take-out container stuffed full of stir fry. "you're a wonderful person, you know that?" You loved the fact Mina didn't even have to ask what you wanted.

"If you'd just move closer to work then you could pick it up yourself and I wouldn't have to bring it to you."

"Too expensive." You declared after a mouthful. "You pay almost twice as much as I do per month and I just don't see the point. I have damn near the same amount of space you do for half the cost!"

You adored your small one-bedroom apartment. It was perfect. Right above a bakery that you visited each morning after your run and a little balcony that provided you with the most stunning view of the sunset.

"You and Kiri, I swear." Mina just shook her head and curled up with her food on the loveseat. "I thought he'd end up with the biggest house out of us all the moment we started making that real Pro money. You've seen his parent's house. It's massive! You could get lost in that place!"

Eijiro's place was barely bigger than your own. He lived in the same condo he had since you'd graduated UA, claiming it was perfect for him in each and every way. But, you knew that he donated a sizable amount of his paycheck every month to charities, the same as you. With savings to spare, neither of you saw the point in hoarding it and therefore the small condo was all he could afford with what he actually kept.

"Just don't understand how a guy that big can live in such a tiny little space. At least with you, it's you know, physically feasible."

Eijiro's bedroom was barely large enough to fit the king-sized bed the man needed to sleep comfortably and even then, his feet were dangerously close to dangling off the bed. And, as if the man's ears were burning, your cell phone went off under a pile of discarded shoes.

Shark-E: Figured out your dress situation? If not, I'm just gonna pack like ten different ties and hope for the best.

You: Yeah! I totally did! I'm just gonna wear this birthday suit I got and call it a night.

You chuckled at your own joke all over again. Watching the grey ellipses appear and then vanish, appear and vanish again. After a third time, you took pity on the man.

You: Joking, Ei. I still don't have it figured out but Mina's over so, hopefully, she can help.

Shark-E: Gonna give me a damn heart attack! Seriously, I wouldn't put it past you just to see the look on your mom's face. Tell Mina hi and good luck to you. I vote the dress from the Hero Gala two years ago.

You: Hi from Mina. Can't. Too much boobs.

Shark-E: You take that back right now! There is NEVER such a thing as too much boobs!

You chuckled to yourself, putting your phone down, and then finished off the last of your delicious dinner, thinking about the dress Eijiro mentioned.

You wondered if maybe there was a way you could make the thing work but it was so very low cut. So much tape had been used to make sure no slips happened but damn was it worth it! The beaded bodice with the sparkling long sleeves, gods, how you loved that dress.

"I'm inclined to agree with our shark boy. You're busty, who gives a damn. You looked hot as hell in that dress."

"My mother, that's who. As much as I'd like to not give a flying fuck what she thinks, for some dumb reason, I do. On top of her telling me that the amount of cleavage I would show would be vastly inappropriate for a wedding, she'd also say the way it hugs my hips makes them look too fat."

Mina rolled her eyes. "She's such a piece of work." Pushing herself up, she held her arms out to you, wiggling little pink fingers for you to take. "Come on then. Let's get you sorted."

"What about that one you wore to the charity art thingy with Kyoka last winter? The one with the silver top."

"Silver is too close to white." You called out from within your closet.

"What! Not true!"

"You know that. I know that. Every person with two brain cells knows that, which is why most of my family does not know that."

"Fine..." She whined and started sifting through the opposite end of your closet. "Oh, what about this?" Mina waved about the blue and green plaid skirt that made up your uniform from your middle school days when you lived in America. "Please try this on. I'm begging!"

You were pretty sure it wouldn't even go over your thighs anymore.

"It's got a better chance of fitting you!"

Mina threw it at you anyway. Slipping off the sweats you wore, somehow, someway, you were able to tug it on AND get it zipped, barely. It no longer covered your ass but you still enjoyed the way it swished around when you wiggled your hips.

"You could be fulfilling so many people's fantasies right now." Mina mused.

You pulled the skirt off and sweats back on, throwing the former back at her. "Yeah, you can take it and go fulfill Hanta's fantasies if you like. Not like I've got anyone to impress." You pulled down a dress you bought on sale a year ago but Mina was quick to dismiss it.

Too puffy, she said and then held up one that was from Momo. "I needed to get it shortened and I don't have time for that now."

"Wait..." She hummed and dropped the Momo dress. "I know what it should be!"

Mina hurried through the closet, grumbling about not finding it. "Just tell me which dress and I can tell you where it's at."

"It's that one you got for grad night and then you got sick and couldn't go!"

"Mina, Mina I can't wear that! That's actual vintage, not like, made-to-look-vintage!"

"But it's so elegant and has that off-the-shoulder sleeve thing. The wedding is at a damn sky lodge! It'll look so pretty in the snow! Ah! Found it!"

She yanked up the long, elegant gown from the garment bag you'd never removed it from. There wasn't a single wrinkle in the burgundy fabric. It looked just as beautiful as the day you found it in that second-hand store, on a mannequin with gaudy stage jewels that you just had to buy so the look was complete.

You ran the back of your hand over the velvety fabric, soft to the touch. "It'll be too tight now. If I was the same size I was at graduation-"

"Bullshit!" Mina cut you off with a dismissive hand, "You've got hips now. We aren't 18 anymore! It's not like it's some clubbing dress. And I bet no one would say a damn thing about your figure if they knew how easily you could crush them with those thighs!"

A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without quirks, you gave every single one of your classmates a run for their money in hand to hand. Most were fairly easy to beat. You could usually take down Eijiro in about five or six minutes and Katsuki in half the time. Funny enough, it was Ochaco that gave you the hardest time.

"I'll consider it. But help me find something else just in case."

>>><<<

It was another two hours before you finally agreed on an a-line, empire waist green and gold number that had been the bridesmaid's dresses for Tetsutetsu's wedding. Mina thought they were a crime the first time they had to wear them, she had no idea what you were thinking.

That's why the moment you were preoccupied with trying to find yet another dress for the Sunday brunch, Mina pulled out her phone.

You: DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow Y/N to wear the green dress. She's bringing two because she can't decide. Red is the winner!

Jaws: Aw, come on. If she likes it, let her wear whatever she's comfortable in. She'll be under enough stress already.

You: Kirishima, it's the dress from Tetsu's wedding. The one that looks sparkly baby food.

It took him a second to respond.

Jaws: Alright. Understood. I thought you guys looked good but damn, she hated that dress.

You: We all did.

Mina looked at the message chain again and couldn't help but asked, "Are we just gonna ignore the fact that you and Eiji are flying all the way to America, last minute, to attend a wedding together, even though you're not together?"

"We've flown to the states before."

"For work!" She sat up eagerly. "This is different, Y/N! This is a date and not just a, like, casual date but a wedding date!"

You poked your head out of the closet. "No, it isn't. This is a friend helping another friend who stupidly mismarked an RSVP." You corrected very plainly but Mina wasn't one to give up so easily.

She whined, dragging out your name, "You guys have been doing this thing for ages. Why do you have to be so stubborn about it all!"

"What's that supposed to mean!"

Mina started ticking off points on her fingers. "He was the first person you opened up to at UA. You saved his life when he was busy saving Katsuki's life second year. You spent all that time interning together, became sidekicks together. Went to America together for three whole months, ALONE, and you honestly expect me to think there's nothing between the two of you!"

The truth of it all was simple really; 17 year old you had a massive crush on Eijiro Kirishima. He was sweet, always listening to you, providing comfort when you needed it, and always encouraging you to push your limits. He was bright and honest, a little slow in the head from time to time but that made him all the more endearing.

He was also head over heels in love with Katsuki Bakugo.

It was why you never made a move. Never spoke a word of the feelings you harbored. You didn't dare to cross that line with him because you couldn't ever hold a candle to the explosive man.

In the three years Eijiro and Katsuki spent together, your brain finally started registering Eijiro as just a friend, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. You thought your heart had followed suit but it was becoming more and more apparent that wasn't the case. Because the night he showed up at your door, tears in his ruby eyes, every lock you put on your heart broke open.

The same way you couldn't hold a candle to Katsuki, Eijiro couldn't hold one to Izuku. You knew exactly what he was feeling even if you never intended to tell him. Too overcome with fear. If Katsuki came back... that'd be it. Eijiro would go back and you wouldn't even blame him!

Still, the redhead consumed a decent chunk of your heart though, you couldn't deny that after the three months you spent together in America, gathering intel on a smuggling ring, living in the same apartment. The groggy, 'good mornings' when his voice was still scratchy with sleep, hair falling in his eyes. The late nights bandaging wounds and killing cheap bottles of wine while watching terrible American reality shows.

It was those bottles of wine that did you in on your second to last night in America. Supplying you with courage and draining your sense of reason, allowing you to crawl onto his lap, into his arms. You could still remember the pressure of his lips on yours, those sharp teeth gently dragging along your lower lip.

Scared hands tracing the curve of your ass before taking handfuls to squeeze. The laugh that came from you was unlike anything you heard before, something so genuine that you couldn't reproduce.

How it felt when he lifted you up and took you to his bed, laying you down taking his time removing your clothes, and watching with awe as you pulled away his own. The way he looked over top of you, his hair a curtain of red around you just before you closed your eyes, gasping while he filled you.

You also remembered the guilt that crept into your head during the wee hours of the morning, the doubt that was louder than the snores coming from behind you.

It made you slip from under his massive arm, gather up your clothes from his floor, you tucked the blanket around him, and pressed a kiss to his temple before padding out of the room.

You told yourself you'd talk to him about it if he brought it up, but he never did. Not the next morning, or night, not on the plane ride back home, nor anytime since. It was a memory you'd hold close to your heart, one you wouldn't let slip away or share.

"There's nothing there, Mina. We're just good friends is all." You lied with a smile on your face, something that had become surprisingly easy to do.

If only you knew that Mina saw right through it. That Mina already knew the truth of it all.

>>><<<

It was nearly one in the morning when your phone rang. The goofy picture of Eijiro with face half painted at a festival a few years back never failed to make you grin.

"It's a little late." You answered by way of greeting.

"Don't pretend like you were anywhere close to sleeping, you little night owl."

Chuckling at the nickname that had followed you since high school, "What's up, Eiji?"

"I was going over flights. You said in the office that you wanted to leave on Friday?"

"Yeah. I have patrol tomorrow and I didn't find any flights after 6 PM so, Friday is the earliest."

He was quiet on the other line for a moment. "Yeah, you don't have patrol tomorrow, or work at all for that matter."

You sat up a bit straighter in bed. "Um, yes I do."

"No, you don't. I called Mina, asked her if you'd mind taking that shift for you and, since she knows what's happening, she agreed the extra day for travel would do you some good. So, she's covering you tomorrow then you're off work until next Wednesday. As for me, thanks to all that overtime I put in when Denki, Kyoka, and Hitoshi got married, the three of them are splitting up my days so I have until Wednesday too."

Eijiro sounded impossibly proud on the other line, you could almost see the smirk on his face. "You've got this all planned out, don't you?"

"And a bag nearly packed. Just need you to tell me what ties to bring."

"Gold, burgundy, and black."

"Thought your mom said no black for you?"

"She said no black for the wedding. She said nothing about black at the brunch!"

You couldn't wait to put on the tea-length dress that had been a favorite for years. Satin with a lacy top and, best of all, pockets.

He let out a rumbling laugh that fell off into comfortable silence as you laid back in your bed, lights still on, the room still a mess. You tapped the speaker icon and laid the phone on the pillow right beside your head, listing to the various sounds of Eijiro moving around.

A door creaking open, a hanger clattering against another, and a zipper. "And just like that, I'm all set."

"Don't forget your passport or hero license."

"I have one in my wallet and the other in my backpack."

You swiped up on your iPad, off Netflix, and going to google, lazily searching through flights. "So, did you find any good flights since you've clearly been looking?"

Another chuckle, "Eijiro, why are you laughing?" More stifled giggles had you sitting up in bed again. "Just tell me a site you were on. They're just flights, what's so funny?"

"There isn't a site."

"You said you were checking flights."

"And I was... on my family's jet."

"Eiji! No! No, no, no! That is supposed to be for their business or hero things! My stupid cousin's wedding is neither of those things!"

"Relax, Y/N. My family has multiple and they don't have any business trips planned right now anyways. I already cleared it with my mom. Seriously, I just mention your name and she's likely to let me have it for a whole year at least. Plus Todoroki's is back up in working order so the agency is covered too."

Damn, why'd he have to be so good at planning from time to time! You'd completely forgotten about the second jet his family had. Always opting for the larger one since the few missions they needed it for required them to bring fifty or so heroes along.

"Besides, if we fly private, we can land at an airstrip closer to the venue and won't need to drive four hours on top of a ten-hour flight."

"Alright, okay, thank you but, let me take care of the rental car, please. It's the least you can let me do."

"Deal. I just have one more question for ya."

"What's that?"

"Wanna leave tonight?"

You nearly dropped your damn iPad in shock. "Eijiro! What the fuck has gotten into you! It's the middle of the night!"

"I'm excited!" He boomed, "I haven't had a vacation in months!"

"I hate to break this to you, buddy, but this isn't going to be a vacation. You really shouldn't get your hopes up. This isn't going to be a good time with laughs and fun memories... my family, they just, they aren't those kinds of people."

"But we are." He stated matter-of-factly. "If they want to have sticks up their asses then let them! We'll have a good time on our own, laugh and make fun memories! So, what do you say, Y/N? I can be at your place in fifteen. I just gotta put shoes on and grab my keys..."

"Wait, hang on. Are you forgetting that we need someone to, oh, I dunno, FLY THE PLANE! Actually, we need two someone's, can't forget about a co-pilot!"

He hummed happily and you rubbed your temples. "You, you have a pilot and a co, don't you, Eiji?"

"Mhm! There is a company we use. Two can be at the hanger in an hour and every hour after that. I just have to make the call and get the flight plan approved which will be done before I even get to your house."

There was literally no reason to say no. You had mostly everything packed, nothing you needed to get from the store, all you had to do was put on pants and pack up your hygiene bag and you were ready too. Maybe getting there quicker and getting the whole thing over with would be better than staying home dwelling on everything.

"Better put your shoes on."

The glee in his voice, that was enough to make this whole thing worth it, "I'll see you soon."

>>><<<

Eijiro reached into the backseat and plopped a bag down on your lap the very moment you were buckled in. "Had to make a pit stop." He explained.

"It's after two in the morning, where'd you have to..."

"Just open the bag and don't complain."

You found it filled to the brim with all your favorite snacks.

"I'm sure the plane will have a bunch of snacks we can raid but I know for a fact they don't have these." He held up a pack of cookies and creme flavored pocky that had been his favorite for as long as you'd known him, quickly followed by your favorite flavor too. You also found a massive bag of gummy worms and jolly ranchers.

"So, what you're telling me is our teeth are going to rot by the time we land? Not that I'm complaining."

You ripped open the bag of ranchers knowing that was what he'd go for first and sure enough his hand dove inside just as he pulled away from the curb. You could hear his dangerously sharp teeth biting through the rock candy like it was nothing while you still rolled one around your mouth.

Eijiro asked you about the resort you'd be going to, wondering if you'd been there before or what other stuff you guys could do when you weren't dealing with your family. "I figured we could fly back Monday night or Tuesday morning, you know, just play it by ear in case there was anything else we wanted to do."

More than anything, you wished you could just leech a little bit of that excitement from him. The glimpses of his smile you caught as you drove under the street lights made your heart ache.

"What?" He asked with that wide smile of his. You'd been caught staring, red-handed.

"I, uh, I just don't know what to tell you."

You could see the subtle change of his grin, watch as it softened and his hand came to rest on your thigh. "Hey, it's gonna be fine! And if we run into them while out doing stuff, you can just avoid them or hide behind me!" At least hiding behind Eijiro is an easy thing to do, damn mountain of a man.

His thumb slowly brushed back and forth. "'S gonna be okay. I'll beat 'em up if they're assholes!"

You snickered at his Katsuki impression and let the drone of the radio fill the air around you both. Enjoying the silence the rest of the way to the hanger with Eijiro's hand atop your leg.

[mountswhore]

Would you write for Jorgi, having a kid with someone else and he’s scared to tell the girl he’s dating because everyone before her just ran off the second they got to know. Y/n eventually comes by without letting him know when he has the kid over and she meets him/her and it’s just really fluffy and she gets along well with his kid. And he’s super surprised but also happy. I’m sorry it this is weird :)

𝐩𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬 — jorginho

summary: you showing up out of the blue was shocking for jorgi, but not in the way he expected.

notes: requests are OPEN.

"Goodnight, my sweet," Jorgi cooed quietly to his daughter, rubbing his hand over her head as she finally dozed off. It was his weekend with her, and he'd cancelled on a date night with you today as he still couldn't find it in himself to tell you. How do you tell someone you have a kid? Shouldn't you make it known on your first date? He'd given you the stupidest of excuses: saying he was feeling quite tired from his week of training.

The pair of you had been dating for a few months, finally calling it official at the start of the year. It was now March, and Jorgi was still holding back the fact he had a daughter. He wasn't ashamed of it, far from it, all he wanted was to show her off to you. But he didn't know how you'd react, he didn't know whether or not you liked children or not.

He'd told his little Eloise all about you. How pretty you were, how funny you were, how much you made her daddy happy. She was curious, always asking to meet you. But Jorgi could never give her that, not yet, anyway.

As much as Jorgi missed you, he was excited for his weekend with his precious Lu. It was a nickname she'd given herself, after trying to say her name for the first time. Jorgi cherished that moment, and now stuck to calling her Lu.

It was a Saturday morning, and Lu had woken up her daddy earlier than any of his working days. She leaped onto the bed and shook him, her messy, brunette hair falling into his face. Grimacing, Jorgi finally opened his eyes and smiled at his daughter, pulling her into a tight squeeze.

"Morning, amor." He croaked, as he could feel her already pulling away.

"Morning daddy, can we play in the puddles?" She asked, looking over to the droplets on the windows. And Jorgi sighed, everything reminding him of you. You loved the rain, and all the horrible British weather. He knew that if you ever met Lu, you'd bond over your love for the rain. And it always kept him hopeful.

"Sure we can, but we need breakfast first."

Lu was sat in her chair at the island, Jorgi cutting some fruit to put alongside the waffles he'd made. And he was startled to receive your usual text in the morning, his cheeks warming at the few hearts you’d sent alongside your message.

Morning, darling. Hope you’re feeling well rested today! ❤️❤️❤️

This was going to be a quiet day for him and Lu, and he could only dream that you'd get to spend it with them at some point in the future. That was if you didn't run away at the sound of him being a father, having to be around a kid sometimes, not even knowing whether you liked the idea of having children or not. It was too soon, but the longer he left it, the heavier it was going to sit on him.

You were browsing the aisles of Sainsbury's, a basket in your hand as you scanned the shelves for things Jorgi would love. You were planning to surprise him with a bag of goodies, and hope to cure his exhaustion with a bit of TLC. Of course, the thought of intruding sat on your mind, and you'd hoped he wouldn't mind you showing up uninvited.

Once the bag was secured, you lugged it to your car and began your journey to Jorgi's home. It was quite a way away, as he lived in a private area, and you didn't mind the dreadfully long journey. Just before you left the car park, you checked your phone, your heart skipping a beat at the sight of his message on your lockscreen.

Morning, my angel. ❤️

Jorgi was not expecting to hear a knock at his door. At noon. Lu's mum wasn't due until tomorrow, no deliveries due today, nothing. So he left Lu to watch Paw Patrol, and answered the door. There you were. An overflowing Sainsbury's bag in your hand and a huge smile on your face. His first instinct was to hug you, kiss you, pull you into his house and refuse to let you leave. But his daughter was here, the one he'd been going out of his way to hide from you.

"I bought the hot meal deals you li-" Your sentence was cut short by the introduction to Paw Patrol, the show you were unfortunately familiar with due to babysitting your twin nephews. Your eyes scowled, Jorgi could see the cogs struggling to turn in your brain, this was it. The façade was over.

"Why are you watching Paw Patrol?" You asked, letting the bag sit by your feet as you waited for Jorgi to answer. He stood there, a nervous smile on his face.

Before he could even begin to answer, Lu came running out of the living room. And Jorgi had lost the opportunity to say she was a relative, when the little one asked for her daddy.

"Daddy?" She called out, looking in the direction of the kitchen and finally turning to see him and you by the door. It was a strange situation, because Eloise knew you, but you knew nothing of her.

"Surprise?" Was all Jorgi could manage to say.

You were sat on Jorgi's couch, bewildered as you had his daughter on your lap. She began talking to you about Paw Patrol, and you responded with as much enthusiasm as she gave to you. Jorgi's heart was melting at the sound of you two from the kitchen, as he made you a tea. He knew it was a lot to take in, hence he was making you your favourite beverage.

Jorgi brought it through, placing them both onto the coffee table and telling Lu to go back to playing with her Bratz dolls. You held the mug in your hands, letting the hot drink warm up your cold fingertips. You planned to cuddle and binge watch something on Disney+ together, not find out he had a daughter.

"I meant to tell you sooner, and I understand if you don't want to-" Jorgi was beginning his apology, eyes flooded with concern as he bared the thought of losing his girlfriend today, his first girlfriend since his last messy breakup.

"I don't care that you have a daughter," you spoke, quiet so Lu didn't pay any attention to you, "not like that," you quickly apologised, "she's adorable, I love her already, but I wished you would have told me as soon as we began dating. I would've been well acquainted with her by now."

Every ounce of pressure Jorgi was feeling had now dissipated, and he had a quick burst of hope for the future with you and Lu. "I'm sorry."

"You are the pretty lady!" Lu exclaimed, startling the pair of you out of your conversation and looking at her as she shoved the shoes onto her doll. Little did she know you still had two boxes worth of Bratz accessories and dolls you'd been waiting for an excuse to use.

Jorgi nervously laughed, hoping his own daughter didn't embarrass him by spilling everything he'd said about you to her. But what else were kids put on this Earth for if not to embarrass you?

"My daddy talks about you, you're the pretty lady," she admitted, pointing at Jorgi but looking at you. She had the tone of a kid who thought they were very wise for knowing something that was common knowledge, and you loved it. She resembled Jorgi so much, in so many different ways, it was hard not to laugh with her.

"Really?" You asked, looking over to your boyfriend, who sat there with a reddened face.

Eloise had quickly changed interests after glancing at the raindrop-adorned window. "Daddy, can we play in the puddles now?"

Jorgi's mind went to you again, knowing how much you loved the rain and everything it did to the Earth. He could see you getting on with his daughter so well. "Yes, you can. Do you know who else loves the rain and puddles?"

Eloise frowned, waiting for her daddy to answer himself.

"Y/N does."

The little one gasped, standing in front of you and grabbing your hands. "Come on, let's go. Let's play in the puddles!"

[pankowfruitsnackswriting]

fine wine (r.c)

My work is NOT to be transferred, translated, reposted or copied to any other sites without my permission. That is plagiarism. But you can re-blog the heck out of it on here :)

paring(s): rafe x single!mom

summary: Y/n spends the day with the Cameron girls, while rafe is left with Willow.  (Part four in the WILLOW SERIES)

warning: single parent

  (master list) (tag list)

"Maybe I should just stay here, yeah?" Y/n did her best to justify canceling plans with Rafe's family. "Yeah. Me, you, and Willow. Just like every other Saturday."

Rafe chuckled. "We spend every day together with Willow. This will be good for you to get to know Sarah and Rose." Y/n had Wheezie over several times for dinner or to watch Willow while the adults enjoyed a date night.

"I know, but what if something happens to Willow? Or you for that matter? You always find a way to get hurt."

"Only when I want your attention." She playfully hit his shoulder.

"I'm being serious, Rafe. We going to vineyard on the mainland. I won't be able to just check in whenever. I won't be back until late."

"We're going to be alright. Topper is already here and wheeze promises to check in. Not that I haven't watched Willow before, don't you trust me?"

She let out a hefty sigh. "I do. You know I do."

Rafe brushed the back of his knuckles up and down her jaw. "Then what is it? You were excited to hang out with Sarah. Is it Rose?"

"I just- I have never been this far from Willow and I'm not sure I want to be."

Rafe understood where she was coming from. He felt the same way when he had to leave for a business trip or something. It was different for him though because he didn't birth Willow and he hasn't had the privilege of knowing the beautiful young girl for half the amount of time y/n did, although in his mind, he loved her like she was his own. "I'm going to be very blunt. You're gonna have to get used to it. The things I have planned for our honeymoon don't even take place on this continent."

Tears brimmed the mothers eyes. "Willow isn't coming with us?" As quick as the tears fell, Rafe wiped them away.

"We can talk about it later." They have talked about a wedding briefly, but y/n seemed to keep putting it off by down playing the seriousness. Rafe understood how scary it could be and then bringing a kid into the mix, none of it would be a linear plan. "I didn't mean to upset you. This is just apart of life."

"Yeah I know. I'm just overwhelmed." Rafe helpped his girlfriend stand up.

"Let me help you get ready and then you can 'say see you later' to Willow."

"You know I love you and this has nothing to do with your family. I want to spend time with them." She spoke as they went to her room.

Rafe kept the door open as she gracefully sat down on the floor i front of the mirror. He grabbed her hair brush and began running it through the ends. "I know you do and I love that you are willing to give up your time to hangout with them when I am not there. That means the world to me."

Deep down, y/n knew Rafe was and is a family man. The way he deeply wanted to be apart of the Cameron household while still, in a sense, creating his own family bond with Willow and Y/n. It always left her in awe. Rafe chose them. Both of them. And he loved them beyond anything or anyone has ever loved them before.

When rafe was done brushing, he pulled her back into his chest, taking in her sweet, vanilla and strawberry  aroma. His eyes stared at hers through the mirror, both sharing the loving smile. "I am so in love with you. You are my love, my life, and my everything."

Y/n's smirk grew. "I know."

He began planting a thousand kisses on her face, pinning her ever so carefully to the ground. "Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes because I love you ten more times than that." He was so in love with y/n and it scared him, but it began the best feeling known to human kind. It was more addicting than any drug he could ever think of.

Rafe slowly allowed his body weight to press onto hers as she pulled him closer. He connected his lips to hers in a moment of passion.  He wanted her to know just how much she meant to him and how much better his life was because of her.

"I love you, but I need to get ready." She smiled from beneath him.

He gave her one last longing kiss then hopped off her. "I love Willow,  but I love when she's with Topper so we can have moments like this."

"Me too." She started to grab her clothes and head to the bathroom to change. Y/n hadn't let Rafe see her in that way yet and probably wouldn't until she was married. She knew first hand the possible consequences of sex and the silent but powerful bond it could build. She loved him but was beyond scared.

When she came out, Rafe attached his arms around her once more. His girlfriend wore an off white cropped turtle neck, a fall colored plaid shacket, and pair of jeans with holes in the knees. "Are you doing a lot of make up?"

"Just some mascara and tinted moisturizer. Why?"

"You look pretty like this and I have more time with you if you don't."

"I think Willow and Topper are in the play room." The pair when to join the others who were deeply invested in the book, A bad case of the stripes.

Rafe sat down examining the playroom. In reality, this was the master bed room, but y/n claimed it was too big for Willow and she, herself, had no need for the space. Rafe had previously talked with topper in helping put together a room for her while she was out today. He had to get Sarah and Rose in on it to keep her busy.

He wasn't going to do much except get a her a larger bed, better storage, some more personalization, and a few extra gifts. Rafe wanted her to be treated like the beautiful person she is and to allow herself to be put first for once.

"Top, did you ever catched stripes?" Willow shifted in lap to look at him. It was clear to all the adults in the room that the young child had an infatuation with Topper. It was sweet the way Topper just allowed it. Willow had managed to wrap the island's top two toughest guys around her small finger.

"Oh, many times. But it didn't happen with just Lima beans. You have to eat all your vegetables."

"For you, I will." She grinned. "That's what mommy says to Rafe when he tells her to do something,"

"Mommy is a SIMP." Topper kissed the child on the forehead then looked up to the adults.

"She's my SIMP." Rafe wrapped an arm around y/n as they sat on the ground. "Willow, mommy has to go. Can you come bye bye?"

The child slipped off and ran to her mother. "Mommy can I come with you?"

"I wish, but you're gonna hang out with Rafe and Topper all day. I'll be here when you wake up." The young mother's voice was soft with a hint of sadness, but she knew her daughter was in the best hands possible.

"I'm going to miss you, but we'll have fun." She hugged her mom as tight as possible. Willow's biggest fear was that her mom would leave her. Her mom was all she had. Sure Rafe was there and now Topper as well, but her mom has never not been there. "Please come back.

Y/n gave Willow one last kiss on the cheek then pressed her lips to Rafe's. "I love you both. And you too Topper."

"No mommy." Willow cried out. "I love him."

"You can have him." With that Willow went yo Topper to read once more while Rafe walked her to the car waiting in her.

"I'll see you tonight." Rafe gave her another longing kiss. "But call me whenever you need, even if it's just because you miss me because just know I'll be missing you a million times that much."

"I don't know what I did to ever deserve someone like you."

"I know." Rafe's blue eyes sparkled down at her as she stared back with questions. "You gave me a chance to hang out with you and Willow instead of work. That's exactly what I needed."

A honking noise snapped their attention to the car. An impatient Rose and Sarah sat in the front. Y/n began to run off as Rafe mouthed an "I love you." She returned the gesture and got in the car.

——

Rafe was sliding in the mattress as Willow clung to his leg, giggling at the man's struggle. "You're strong, Rafe."

"Why thank you, princess." He loved having her company while he was setting up y/n's new room with Topper and a few others, but they were grabbing food. There was no way Rafe would let anyone drive off with his little girl. "Do you mind holding the door for me sweetheart?"

Willow unlatched herself and stood by the door. It was already opened, but Rafe knew she wanted help so he created mini tasks for her to complete. Earlier he had the child count how many steps it was from the front door to her room. Poor girl kept losing count after twenty, but she was so happy.

"Why are we wrecking my playroom?" She questioned as he passed by.

"You see, baby. This is called the master bedroom and it's for the people who own the house."

"Mommy owns this house."

"Very smart girl. So I think mommy should get the biggest room." He smiled.

A small frown appeared on her lips. "Yea, but where will my toys go?"

"For right now, they can stay in your room and then we'll move them to mommy's old room."

"I guess that's okay." She ran over to Rafe as he set down the mattresses in front of the frame.

Rafe scooped her into his arms while simultaneously pulling out his phone to play some music. "You wanna dance, baby girl. I want to dance." He began spinning her around, humming lines of the country song playing. But nothing compared to the sound of her laughter bouncing off the walls.

"Sing, Rafe! Sing to me." The child begged. Anything she asked, he would do.

"Now until the day I die, unconditionally, you know I'm always gonna be here for ya." Willow rested her head on his chest listening to the low vibrations of his voice then joined in the familiar song. "No one's ever gonna love you more than God, your mama, and me."

Rafe knew she was probably too young to fully understand the lyrics, but some day he hopes she will and when that happens, she'll remember him singing it and how much he meant it.

"This is a sight I don't think I will ever get used to." Topper interrupted the moment, but Willow was already slowly drifting off to sleep.

"It's almost been six months, Topper and I just want to been in Willow and Y/n's life forever."

"I get it man. They are some of the coolest, most real people I've met. You're lucky to have them." Topper spoke softly as Rafe bounced Willow on his hip.

"You have no idea. I never thought I would ever be in love. At least not like this. I believed it was going to be one that my dad and rose set up, you know? A "love" for appearance, to save the family name, one that a pogue only dreams of. But Topper, it's really out there. I just had to look past myself and my work. And I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful it is."

"It's almost sickening how much of a SIMP you've become, but you deserve it. After everything you've been through." Topper referenced his senior year of college where he went through an intense rehab program and rebuilding everything from there. In a few words, he was zero fun.

"Thank you, Top."

"Food is here. The help are in the kitchen. Do you want me to put her down?"

"I want to hold her a little longer. But you have to stop calling them the help even if they are here to help. You are talking about my sister's boyfriend." Rafe knew topper was playing around, but deep down he was holding an old grudge.

"Ya, my ex girlfriend's new boy. And I sat in the car with him and his pogue friends."

"And you're still alive, aren't you?"

"You know, you're starting to sound like y/n. 'Be friends with everyone,' god, even your sense of humor."

"I hope so. She's so wonderful and a genuine person. I'm glad it's rubbing off on me" Rafe's face just lit up. "I'm going to call my girl. We have to put the mattress and bedding on, then move in her clothes and belongings. If they want to leave they can."

"Can I?"

"Do you have somewhere to?" Rafe questioned, already knowing he had no other plans and promised Willow he would stay til her mom came back, or at least when Willow was for sure asleep.

"No, just wanted to see if you'd losen my leash." They both chuckled, throwing their head back.

"Get out of here before I choke you with it." And he did. Leave that is.

——

Y/n, Sarah, and Rose all stood at the tasting bar, listening to the owner rant about where his wines come from and what not. "I really like this one. It's not too sweet." Rose commented, clearing having a higher tolerance to the alcohol along with Sarah.

As for the young mom, drinking was not a regularity. In fact, she's barely had a sip of anything remotely close since Willow came along. She was way past tipsy. As each glass was downed, she grew more intoxicated.

"I agree. It's one of my favorites. What do you think, y/n?"

Y/n giggled in response. "I think you guys got me drunk and I-" she was slurring her words. "I don't remember what I was gonna say, but I'm getting a phone call. Excuse me."

She smiled as she stepped away. "Helloooo, Rafe."

His chuckle rang loudly through the phone. "Are you drunk, Sweetheart?"

"You know, I was just telling Sarah and Rose the same thing." Rafe could here her attempting to hide it, but nothing would. He loved hearing her like this. It was a first for him. Neither of the duo really drank in the other's presence, not to this extent.

"Are you at least having a good time?"

"I wish you were here. I really miss you but Sarah kept laughing at me when I wanted to call you. But I love you and I wish you were here. How's Willow?"

"We danced for a bit and she fell asleep in my arms." Y/n imagined the picture in her mind, swooning at the thought. "She's the second best thing that has ever happened to me."

"And the first?" She teased, knowing his next few. They have had this conversation a thousand times.

"You. You will always be the best thing that happened to me." Y/n stayed quiet, simply enjoying the sound of his breathing. "When are you coming back home?"

"We're gonna wrap up here and then hit some wine painting thing. Rose is dying to see what I can do."

Rafe's eyebrows knitted together. "You want to paint again?" She always talked about painting as if it was a thing of the past. Charles Rousseau ruined her dreams. At least that's how Rafe saw it. But maybe she still had a form a hope left.

"I miss it, you know. It was all I wanted to do at one point."

"Well then, baby, I don't think there is any harm in trying it again. Paint me something, will you? My assistant told me I should add some color to my wall at the office."

"Oh, Rafe. That's funny because I am your assistant." He never laughed so hard in his life except when he is with her.

"You're so drunk. I need you to be careful though because I love you and Willow loves you too."

"I will be so safe because I like when your at my house waiting for me. It makes me feel special."

God, Rafe was so in love with her. And she was in love with him equally as much. "We are the definition of simp and it's disgustingly cute."

"Rose and Sarah are giving me the evil I. So I need to um, hang up." Her voice got whiny, signally she was upset. "But I can't. Can you hang up on me?"

He sighed. "I don't want to, but I can. I love you and see you tonight."

"I love you most." With that he hung up.

Sarah rushed over after noticing some tears. "What's wrong?" Genuine concern filled her voice.

"I told him to hang up on me." She tried to steady her breathing. "And he did."

Sarah allowed the girl to hang around her neck. "We're gonna go paint and then I have a few bottles for the ferry ride. Then poof you'll see Rafe."

"You're right. Poof and then I'll see Rafe." A smile grew on both their faces.

"You really need to build your tolerance up when it comes to drinking. You'll never survive a kook event sober."

"I survived Wheezie's birthday without a drop." She took a breath before laughing even harder. "I did sit on the patio and cry after."

"Oh my god, you did not?"

"Yes. Anyways, let's go painting. I've cried enough tears in front of Rose today, she's totally gonna tell Rafe I'm not cool."

Sarah hugged her tighter as they walked. "And when has Rafe ever listened to what Rosa has said? He loves you, plus Rose thinks highly of you. This is just an initiation type thing."

"You're like my best friend, Sarah. I only talk you, Rafe, wheeze, and topper. Sometimes Kelce, but that's it."

"And you are mine. Now for real, let's go." Sarah began dragging the girl to the car, Rose chuckling  behind them.

——

Y/n clutched the canvas in her fist as she stumbled to the front door. It was a little after eight by the time the ferry reached the groups final destination.

"Rafe?" She whispered loudly as she opened the front door. "Babe?"

He was lightly asleep on the couch, clearly trying to wait for her. The girl ploppped on the ground in front of him, placing his hand on her head. "Please wake up. I want to talk to you." She could clearly see he was stirring at the sound of her voice. "I missed you."

"Hello gorgeous." He sleepily grinned. "You're back."

"Yea. I wanted to see you." Rafe could still hear the drunken tone in her voice. "I want to talk to you."

"I'm all ears, baby cakes. Come here." He opened his arms creating space for her to crawl into. "I want to hear all about your time."

The girl held out the painting in front of them, her back pressed to his chest. "I made it just for you."

Rafe noticed the intention of every brush stroke. It looked like it belonged in some museum, even if it was a half assed rough draft. Anything she did was priceless to him. "It's a beautiful heart."

"It's my heart. I want you to have it." Rafe removed his eyes from the artwork to his girl. "You can do whatever you want with it because no matter what, it's yours."

"I'm going to keep it forever."

"You mean that Rafe?" Her eyes were wide as he nodded. "Beacause you're it for me. You will always have my heart. Even if this love was to go down in flames, it will still be in your hands."

"Baby-" he started, but was quickly cut off.

"Let me finish. I have a point to all this." He leaned back, letting her control th conversation. "I don't want anyone else. I can't even begin to think about introducing Willow to someone new like that. It will only be you. I love you and I want to spend forever with you. Can we do that?"

Rafe chuckled. "Sounds like your proposing."

"Fuck it. Raphael Xavier Cameron, will you marry me? For worse of for better?"

Tears brimmed his eyes. "Really?"

"Yes. You promised me someday, so why can't that be today? I want to the whole thing with you. The wedding, the moving in, the doing life. I want to do that with you and Willow. And I know you're probably  thinking 'she's just drunk' but I've been thinking about this for a while and I never want to be far from you again. I want to know that you will always be here when I come home or at least you'll be coming home to me. I love you. So I'll ask again, will you marry me, Rafe?"

"Yes. I'll marry you." Rafe felt pure joy as he pulled her into him to kiss her. It was a long, deep, and passionate kiss. In a different setting it would lead to something more physical. Instead, the kiss sealed a promise. "I love you so much. I almost forgot, I have a suprise for you." He lightly shoved her up and stood with her.

"While you were gone, we did a little project. Topper, Willow, the pogues, and I."

"You had the pogues over?" She said more suprised than upset she is just now hearing about it.

"Yea, but that's not the point. I want you to know how special you are to me and you deserve everything in the world, so..." he opened up the door to the master bedroom, revealing a much more sophisticated version of her old room. "I know how much you loved your plants and I didn't want to change it up too much. Just a new bed and some more storage. I also stocked up the master bedroom for you. No more sharing."

Tears began trickling down her face. "Rafe you shouldn't have."

"Shouldn't have what? Spoil my fiancé, giving her everything she deserves and more? Taking care of her and her daughter and their needs? I think I should have."

"Fiancé?" Toppers voice pulled them out of the moment and they notice him in a chair, Willow sound asleep in his lap.

"Y/n proposed like five minutes ago. We're going to get married."

Topper stood up. "I'm gonna put her down and leave you guys to do what ever it is you choose." They smiled and allowed him to leave.

"Let me get dressed and then do you want to stay the night?" Her voice was soft. It was the first time she ever asked something like this. Sure, he's stayed late or came at the wee hours of the morning, but he never wanted to overstep her boundaries.

"Of course, my dear." So he waiting on the foot of his bed, a big grin on his face as he texted Sarah about the news.

When y/n came back, she pulled him up to her chest, running her fingers through his hair. "I love you so much, Rafe. You are perfect for me. More so, you are perfect for Willow. It's like life was a puzzle and you were the missing piece."

"You know what I'm thinking?" He smiled, looking up at her. "I really want to be Willow's dad. Like officially and on paper. If it's okay with you and we can sit down with Willow and talk to her and see her input, but yea. That's what I'm thinking."

"Yes. I think that's perfect." She shimmied down so she was face to face with rafe. His arms gently secured around her waist. "I'm really exhausted and just want to sleep in my fiancé's presence. We can talk more about it in the morning. Sound good?"

"Here's to someday." He kissed her.

"Here's to making it today."

tags: @deepestfancloud @obxluv @mrs-starkey1 @rafeswh0ree @halsmultibitch @agent007knight @hopebaker @fangirlfree @ameliaalvarez06 @fashphotolife @samcaniglia @apogueprincess @gryffindorpouge11 @multifandomwhore-003 @cooper8224 @bjrmaybank @youdontlikethatdoyoucupcake

[writingbymoonlight]

For @sillykawa! Thanks again for joining my 100 follower event!

ft.: timeskip kita x reader

trope: unrequited love

lyrics: If only you knew/ What I would do for you/ I'd jump up and hold you/ So tightly/ But I will never be able to do these things/ So I'm just left imagining from "if i could ride a bike" by chevy & park bird

word count: ~850 words

a/n: more angst once again. but i'm starting to really enjoy writing angst. what does that say about me?

“I’m so sorry for having to cancel our plans to go to the farmer’s market this weekend,” Kita hears you dramatically sigh through the phone. He can practically picture your pouty face, which he has always found endearing. 

“Don’t worry about it. We can go another time and I promise to make you a delicious meal with what we buy afterwards,” your silver-haired friend assures you as he looks out his kitchen window at the pinkish sky and the setting sun. 

“You’re too nice to me, Shin. I swear I will make it up to you!” you promise eagerly, and Kita softly chuckles. 

“Seriously, you don’t have to make it up to me, Y/N,” he gently states. He pauses then adds, “So, where is your boyfriend taking you to celebrate your job promotion?” 

“You know the restaurant we went to with Aran and Omimi a few months ago, but I didn’t enjoy the food that much? That one.”

Your response causes Kita’s eyebrows to furrow in confusion and, without thinking, he replies, “Why would he take you to a restaurant you didn’t like?”

His puzzled reaction makes you laugh, and you explain, “He went there recently with some of his friends, and he liked the food! Apparently, they revamped the menu and got a new chef! I’m actually looking forward to trying it out on Saturday.”

“Oh, that should be fun,” Kita remarks, attempting to come off as enthusiastic.

It isn’t that he doesn’t like your boyfriend. You have been dating him for just over three years, so Kita has met him countless times and he's definitely a genuinely good guy. Honestly, Kita is glad that you are in a loving relationship, but it does hurt to see you with someone else when he’s been enamoured with you since high school.

When you were both first-years at Inarizaki, you joined the volleyball club as the team manager and, instantly, the wing spiker was drawn to you. Amid a sea of rowdy teenage boys, all impatient to show off their athletic prowess, you were a calming presence that he appreciated. This led to you and Kita conversing frequently and a strong friendship was thus produced. 

He cannot remember when he started falling in love with you. The realization that he likes you romantically simply hit him: Suna had made some off-handed comment about you and the captain looking like a couple and you two scolded him. Later that day, Suna’s words ate away at him, until he came to acknowledge that his feelings for you weren’t merely platonic.

He never revealed any of this to you because he didn’t want to ruin your friendship. You repeatedly expressed how fortunate you were to have such a close, reliable friend like him. Not wanting to upset your dynamic, Kita decided to conceal his love, which wasn’t a difficult task, since he had perfected the art of constantly maintaining a composed facade and demeanor.

Over the years, some of his former teammates did catch onto his feelings towards you and they did their best to encourage him to confess, but to no avail. Kita doesn’t regret choosing to remain silent about his true feelings, though, because whenever you talk about your boyfriend, your eyes light up and a huge smile graces your lips. You tell him that you are certain he is the love of your life, your soulmate, the person you see yourself growing old with.

He is content that you found someone who makes you feel like you are the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world. 

Still…Kita knows he could make you feel like the center of his universe.

If he was your boyfriend, he would cook you an amazing meal to celebrate your job promotion. Or if you preferred to go out, he would take you to your favorite restaurant.

If he was your boyfriend, he would make you a soothing cup of tea at the end of each day, while listening to you vent about work.

If he was your boyfriend, he would be your shoulder to cry on. 

If he was your boyfriend, he would surprise you with breakfast in bed on the weekends. 

If he was your boyfriend, he would send random “I love you” texts throughout the day in order to remind you how cherished you are.

He would. He really would.

But he can’t because you love your boyfriend. Not him.

“We’re about to go see a movie, so I have to head out,” you say, your voice bringing Kita back to reality. “I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

“Alright,” Kita answers, leaning against his kitchen counter. “Take care.”

And with that, the call ends, but the rice farmer continues to stare out the window longingly. It now dawns on him that you remind him of the sunset: something warm and cheerful that he admires from afar yet can never hold tightly.

It’s fine, though, because you are happy and that’s all that matters.