#and same with Lassie's father later in the movies

[thoughtfulfelony]

Interesting thing about Psych that I noticed while rewatching

The show puts a lot of time and effort to show Shawn's father/son relationship, especially in the early seasons( while we still had flashbacks), which, in a way, parallels with the very first two episodes, because, in them, the bad guy IS the father

the pilot- the father shoots his son, the spelling bee- father pushes his son to succeed, to the point of committing a crime

like. it's wild to see the ep start with a father/son flashback -> see how tense Shawn's relationship with Henry is -> the main villian of the two episodes in a row is the father, who, in some way, harms his son

and the way it's set, you'd think it was foreshadowing to Shawn and Henry

and it's not! I don't even think it was done on purpose?? the narrative basically says "Father Figure Is Always The Bad Guy" , and to have that plot while also showing viewers how Henry treats Shawn?? Like, I'm not sure if the takeaway "well at least Henry's not a criminal" or "yeah fathers are just like that" or neither, but it complicates the plot for sure

[bluehairedtracii]

Hooks and Coins|| Harry Hook x Reader Soulmate AU!

Requested: by @lemonypink

Warnings: Harry being cute 

Pairings: Harry Hook x Swann-Turner! Reader

Author's note: Oh my gosh this took so long! I’m literally so sorry! My motivation for writing has been a little iffy lately. Buuutt I’ve also been binging Criminal Minds soo it kinda gave me a creative push to start writing again. (Spencer Reid fics comin in the future) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this fic as I get back into writing again. 

P.S. Melody is Melody from the second little mermaid movie, and I know she's kinda not mentioned again in the fic but just know that this is y/n’s best friend and that’s who she is lmao.  I also thought the Coin would fit well in here because of the movies just sshhhh. Enjoy!!!!

----------------------------------------------

"it's soon! I swear!" The night of your 16th birthday, the day your life would change.

The day you get your soulmate tattoo.

"Are you sure??" Melody whines. "I'm positive! Look, it's not even 12:00 on the dot yet- ONE MORE MINUTE!" You look back from the phone on your lap to your right wrist.

"It's twellveeee." Melody cooed.

"Please please please..." You muttered still hopeful.

Then it hit, well stung. "Ow, ow, I feel it!"

"Let me see!" Melody basically climbed on top of you and saw it before you could. She gasped "oh my gosh y/n..." "What? What is it?" You tried to pull back your wrist to see, but Melody kept it steady.

"Y/n, as your best friend, I have to warn you as to what you're about to see...."

"C'mon Mells, it can be that bad." You sighed and tried to pull away from her. 

"You have to PROMISE Me that you won't freak out?"

Annoyed, you sighed and smiled "I promise." "Okay.." she released your hand. You rubbed your wrist and looked at the small tattoo, "A Hook?" "Not just any hook... Penny told me about this." "This is the same hook as the famous Captain Hook himself! It must be his son!"

"Captain? So my soulmate is a Pirate? Like Dad and Mom?" Melody nods almost worried.

"Awesome."

--------------------------------------

"It's late Harry, your sister is gonna kill us if we get caught and wake your dad." Gill rubbed his eyes as he walked towards the galley of the ship.

"I know, but this is where the best lighting is...in a few minutes, I'll get me soulmate...well uh, tattoo I mean." He whispered and unlocked the door, cursing at the squeaky floors.

Harry turned on the lamp nestled on his father's desk. The room lit up illuminating the maps that his father and oldest sister had drawn up while sailing the open seas. He dreamed of nothing more than doing that, sailing and hailing a crew of his own, but for now, he follows Uma’s orders. 

“One more minute Harry.” Gill whispered looking at the tickless clock on the desk.

“Aye, ow! fff-!” Harry cupped his hand and flipped it to see his wrist, he bit back the pain as he saw the black ink form on his wrist. He’d been confused and tried to make it out as it formed. “Bloody hell, this sure is detailed in’it?” Gill loomed over Harry's shoulder, wondering what it was himself, Gill was sure he wasn't ready for his soulmate yet if he had to endure this much pain. 

Harry closed his eyes and exhaled as the pain stopped.

He opened his eyes to see the grim Aztec Coin staring back at him.

“Holy shi-” “Gil do you know what this means?!” “She’s spooky?” “No GIl, you git, She’s a pirate! and she’s a Turner...” He says in awe as he smiles down at his wrist.

----------------------------------------------

A few months later both of you seemed to forget. The events of your daily lives getting in the way. You���re training to go off on a sailing trip with your dad for a few months, and Harry is… currently Helping Uma get revenge on Mal by kidnapping Ben. 

But.. you were unaware of this. Obviously. 

Lonnie and you were fencing/sword fighting in the school’s courtyard (for fun) when you saw the boys rushing into the limo. You both caught up to them and questioned them immediately. 

“What’s going on here Jay?” Lonnie snickered full well knowing what’s happening because she overheard it earlier passing their room. “We.. uh..” “we’re going with you..” Lonnie cut the pair off. And this is how you went to the Isle of the Lost for the first time. 

They had told you the plan but left out the part about who they were going to have to deal with if the plan went south. You were nowhere near nervous. All those times you’d trained with Lonnie and your parents at the shop basically were all for this moment. Your pirate self was ready. 

Mal handed over the wand and you cringed a bit. “She’s gonna know it's fake…” you turned to Lonnie and whispered. “Shh I know, get ready..”  you prepped your sword and placed one hand on your lapel while the other was free to toss the swords. 

That’s when everything went south. You and Lonnie sprung into action and helped the others. The sounds of metal clashing mixed with the creaking of the ship and the salty sea air made you happy, it filled you with adrenaline. It felt like you were at home.

2 people fighting you at once, then three, then none, one by one you tossed them overboard.

You were caught in the crossfire between Carlos and some other goons so you ducked under them and sprung onto your feet right into someone else's back. 

You both turned to each other, swords ready, you saw him and you felt that burning in your body. The one that your friends always said happened when you met your soulmate… “Ow!” “Oi!!” Harry lurched back and held his hand. And so did you. 

“You…” he pointed at you “are you…?” you held up your hand and showed your tattoo. He gasped and smiled “I knew I’d see you one day..”  you said in awe. You heard Uma yell for Harry and his smile faltered into a smirk.

“Sorry lass, no ‘ard feelings right?” “Obviously.” You struck your sword first and your swords clashed with each other. “I knew you were good Turner, but not this good.” he laughed as you both turned a corner of the ship. “Thanks! Maybe I can teach you sometime Hook, You seem a bit rusty!” “Oi! My ‘eart Lass.. that one hurt!” 

You snickered and he had caught you by a wood post “awe, our first dance is over now?” your eyes sparkled. He smirked ”Aye if this were different, i’d very much like to get to know you lassy…”  he got closer almost closing the gap in between you two. And his lips brushed yours before you heard Mal and Lonnie yell that it’s time to go. You smiled “sorry Luv, it’s time for me to go!” you kiss his cheek and push him away into a hole that’s in the ship. “Oi! That’s not fair!”

You were the last one to leave and thought of an idea, you caught up with them and helped Mal to kick off the ramp back to the car. “Find me!” You blew a kiss to Harry and smiled, and so did he. on the inside, of course, he had to be “mad” for Uma’s sake. But right now he was anything but. He just met his Soulmate and she was everything he dreamed of.

-------------------------------------

Almost a year had passed when you had first met Harry. And you constantly think about him every day and so does he. 

He sat at the bow of the ship looking out to the ocean thinking about you. It’s all that he’s been thinking about actually. He’s waiting for the day you can be with each other and in each other's arms. You literally took his breath away, because you kicked him, but he was entranced by your skills and beauty. He dreams about learning with you, meeting your folks, owning a ship, and most importantly.. Sailing away with you to see the world. He was stuck here. 

Though he didn't know that you had convinced Ben (it took a lot of convincing) to let Harry over onto the isle for a while. Your boating trip with your dad had gone so well that you also convinced your dad to let you go alone this time. Your parents knew how a forbidden love felt more than anyone else. The love between the two of them, a humble blacksmith that was the son of a pirate and the daughter of a wealthy governor who found that boy so long ago. They were never supposed to be together in society's standards, but their love was the strongest bond. They granted their blessing to you, they knew you'd be safe. You’re a strong pirate and they want to see you the happiest you can be.

You smiled and looked out the window of the limo as it crossed the bridge. Mal and Evie both came with you so they could help you find him and tell him the news. You guys slip onto the docks while Mal and Evie keep guard on the limo and watch you just in case you need back up. “Ursulas…” you smile and cross through the swinging doors, you found him and you felt the burning feeling in your body again. So did he. “OI!” he dropped the basket of chips he was holding and growled at the mess he made. He was fuming until he locked eyes with you. “My princess has come back to me?” he smiled and walked towards you completely forgetting about the fries as he kicked them to the side. “Hey Hook.” you smiled and felt his hand on your face but he backed away. “Woah Turner you ain't gonna kick me ‘gain right?” “no.” you laughed and you both hugged each other. 

He took the two of you outside “what are ye doin here luv? I mean, you don’ ‘ave to make any excuses to see me, but you came all the way from the other side.” he laughed and pushed back a strand of stray hair behind your ear. You blushed and held one of his hands, but unknowingly played with one of the rings on said hand. He bit his lip smiling at your nervousness. “U-Uhm.” you were surprised by the nerves in your voice, you were never this nervous before. This boy is going to wreck you. “It took major convincing, but I finally convinced my family and Ben to let you come to Auradon with me for a three-month sailing trip…” you smiled and looked at him. His eyes lit up and he lifted you off the ground and spun you around. “Are ye serious?! Of course I'd go with you!”  “Great! We leave…” you check your watch on your left arm. “ In 30 minutes!” “Aye! I need to pack!”  you laughed.

 he backed you into the wall. You smirked, “oi, I've been trying to do this ever since the first time we met.” He closed the gap between you two and the feeling of his soft pillowy lips on yours brought you comfort and warmness. You kissed back and ran your fingers through his dark locks as he tightened his grip around your waist. You never wanted this to end. “25 minutes!” You heard the girls yell and you pulled away and laughed. “I've finally found my Turner..” “And I’ve finally found my Hook..”

[misssophiachase]

For @klarolinefallbingo - “I am thankful for...”

Thankful (terms and conditions apply)

There’s no love lost between famous models Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes publicly but when they decide on a mutually beneficial arrangement and subsequently spend Thanksgiving together to sell their fake relationship will things between them move past all the pretence?

Mariott Hotel Downtown, Syracuse, NY - Thursday AM

“Reports have surfaced over night that models Caroline Forbes and Klaus Mikaelson were spotted together in Upstate New York.” 

The sound was blaring from the television. Half asleep still, Klaus groaned placing the nearest pillow over his head hoping he could try and block it out. 

“We know Caroline grew up in Syracuse but, given it’s Thanksgiving, all signs point to a new, celebrity couple alert.”

“He wishes,” she muttered, shaking the bed for extra effect. Klaus was suddenly aware of her close presence, wondering how she came to be there.  

“How are you suddenly in my bed? You know if you wanted me that badly all you needed to do was ask, love.”

“Calm down, Romeo,” she drawled. “You got the room with the TV and I was bored.”

“Is this the part where I admit I don’t watch much television? Especially the ridiculous, gossipy kind.” Klaus admitted, discarding the useless pillow and finally opening his eyes. The invading sunlight was streaming in through the blinds but it didn’t stop his gaze from lingering on his bed mate.  

Caroline Forbes was gorgeous in front of a camera, that much he knew, but fresh-faced, first thing in the morning dressed in tartan flannel she was absolutely stunning.  

“How do you think I feel? My family is going to see this,” she hissed, throwing the pillow back so it hit him squarely on the jaw.  

“Ouch, Forbes.”

“That did not hurt you big baby.” She poked her tongue out at him for extra effect. It was clearly juvenile but Klaus would be lying if he thought it wasn’t kind of adorable. 

“I thought this was the whole point of playing pretend? You want people to think we’re together because you can’t keep your hands off me.” 

That wasn’t the case obviously, they’d both decided it was the best way to keep the press off their backs and constantly speculating about their love lives. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time but now it was probably too late to change course.  

“If only that pillow could stifle that ego,” she growled, rolling her eyes. 

“Is there a reason for this unwanted wake-up call, love?”

“I told you we need to prep before lunch with my family and don’t call me that,” she muttered, pulling on the quilt so he was completely uncovered. Klaus couldn’t miss how her blue eyes lingered on his bare chest.

“I get it,” he smirked knowingly. “You’re upset I’m wearing boxers because you really wanted to see me naked.”

“Tell yourself that if it makes you feel like a man,” she drawled. “And stop changing the subject.”

“Look, I’m all for being prepared.” She gave him a look which plainly said she didn’t believe him. “But I know everything about you so it’s not necessary.”

“Oh really?” She asked, arching her left eyebrow curiously.

“Dad is Jeff, mum is Kate, dog is Lassie...”

“Yeah just like the dog in the movies,” she scoffed. “Clearly you haven’t been listening at all. I really should have known, Mikaelson.” Now, she was on her feet pacing up and down like a caged animal. 

“And here I was conscientiously memorising your brother Elijah’s penchant for suits, Rebekah’s love for fruit salad as long as the melons don’t touch and Kol’s need to carry a baseball bat around with him for no apparent reason.”

He felt an unfamiliar shortness of breath, almost like her words had affected him more than expected.  She remembered all those unusual things about his siblings? Klaus was up in an instant, his hands finding hers and stopping her pacing. He felt immediately warm from her touch but decided to blame it on the heating system and nothing else. 

“I was joking but clearly need to read the room better,” he offered sincerely. “Trust me, love, I remember everything you’ve told me. Your dad Bill loves to tell everyone childhood stories about you no matter how embarrassing and he likes to spoil the ending of every movie you watch but for some reason that only endears him to you. Your mum, Liz, is your role model not to mention the sheriff and if I forgot that it would be a mistake given she carries a weapon. Your dog Lucy is a golden retriever who likes to chase her tail but I’m sure she could rival Lassie in the rescuing stakes. Oh, and there’s a cousin who I need to stay away from because she gets a little touchy feely after a few glasses of wine.”

What he wasn’t expecting was for her to hit him in the chest quite so forcefully. “You ass.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he teased. 

“Her name is Hayley and I expect you to keep at least a few seats between you.”

“Sounds like someone is jealous.” The slight pink tinge on her cheeks was telling Klaus she was. And for some reason it made him the happiest guy in the world. 

“Just checking you’re familiar with all the traditions.”

“Like eating a lot?”

“Well, of course, and we say what we’re thankful for before we eat.” Klaus had heard about that tradition but figured given he was a bit of a foreigner when it came to the festivities he didn’t have to partake. 

Although he was doing well career wise, Klaus had never really experienced much family bonding from a young age. His mother had died and his estranged father was a tyrant. He loved his siblings for all their quirks but they weren’t exactly close either. 

“Maybe I can take a pass on that?”

5 hours later...    

“Klaus, since you’re our guest, how about you tell us what you’re thankful for first?” Liz had that sweet smile but underneath her interrogation skills clearly knew no bounds. 

Klaus had done the perfect boyfriend routine up to this point, even eating those weird, candied yams, but the increasing tightness in his chest and dry mouth was a sign his act was close to derailing. 

All because of one tradition. 

Caroline placed her hand in his under the table, something unexpected but at the same time comforting in the best possible way. 

“Mom, leave Klaus alone, I’ll go,” she insisted, squeezing his hand affectionately. “I’m thankful for...”

“No, let me,” Klaus interrupted, squeezing her hand back. Nothing felt as right as it did now. “I’m thankful for your amazing daughter. For a kid who didn’t know much about affection growing up I’m so thankful to have someone who is so kind and caring and loves me for me.”

Caroline was quiet, almost like she was trying to collect her thoughts. Had he gone too far? They were supposed to be pretending after all. 

“Now he’s a keeper and if you don’t want him...” drunk cousin Hayley offered breaking the silence. Caroline clearly wanted to kill her given the look crossing her features. 

“Thank you, Hayley,” she replied through gritted teeth. “But I, uh, do want him and, have another wine.”

Lucy barked at that moment, she was sitting underneath the table clearly waiting for scraps but Klaus figured she was most probably an ally. 

“So, do i go next?” Hayley asked, clearly perplexed.

“No, it’s my turn,” she said hurriedly. “I’m thankful for you, Klaus. You challenge me, inspire me and remind me that every day is another adventure. I’m thankful that you love me and am so excited for our future.”

The table seemed to go quiet, even Hayley. Klaus felt like he’d probably overstepped the mark but hearing Caroline he realised maybe they were on the same page.

Given it was Thanksgiving, Klaus didn’t think it was a bad time to share their unrequited feelings. So much so that he proposed on the same day a year later and at the same table and she agreed to make him the happiest guy in the world. 

The fact the tabloids cared didn’t even factor into their decision.

[papermoonloveslucy]

EASY TO WED

July 11, 1946

Directed by Edward N. Buzzell 

Produced by Jack Cummings for Metro-Goldwyn Mayer

Written by Dorothy Kingsley, based on the screenplay Libeled Lady by George Oppenheimer, Maurine Dallas Watkins (as Maurice Watkins), and Howard Emmett Rogers.  Uncredited contributions by Buster Keaton. 

Synopsis ~ When a newspaper runs a scandalous story about debutante Connie Allenbury, her powerful broker father threatens the newspaper's editor, Warren Haggerty, with a massive lawsuit. Faced with a libel suit from the socialite Allenbury, Haggerty cooks up a plan to beat her at her own game. To do this, he must rely upon the romantic chicanery of ex-employee Bill Stevens Chandler, with Haggerty's fiancée Gladys Benton (Lucille Ball) caught in the middle. Warren believes that, if he can prove Connie truly is a home-wrecker, as the article claims, he can file a countersuit against her. Warren then enlists his own fiancée, Gladys and reporter Bill Chandler to take part in a complex plan to turn the tables on the Allenburys.

PRINCIPAL CAST

Lucille Ball (Gladys Benton) is appearing in her 63rd film since coming to Hollywood in 1933.  Lucy plays the role originated by her friend Jean Harlowe in the 1936 version Libeled Lady. 

Van Johnson (Bill Stevens Chandler) co-starred in Too Many Girls (1940), the film that introduced Lucille Ball to Desi Arnaz. He was also seen with Lucy in the film Yours, Mine and Ours (1968).  He played himself on one of the most popular episodes of “I Love Lucy,” “The Dancing Star” (ILL S4;E27) and 1968′s “Guess Who Owes Lucy $23.50?” (HL S1;E11). He died in 2008 at age 92. 

Esther Williams (Connie Allenbury) also appeared with Lucille Ball in Ziegfeld Follies (1945).  

Keenan Wynn (Warren Haggerty) also appeared with Lucy and Williams in Ziegfeld Follies (1945) and with Ball in Without Love (1945) and The Long, Long Trailer (1953). 

Ben Blue (Spike Dolan) previously appeared with Lucille Ball in Thousands Cheer (1943). Like Lucy, he had a cameo role in the 1967 film A Guide for the Married Man.  They also acted together in “Jack Benny’s Carnival Nights” on March 20, 1968.

Cecil Kellaway (J.B. Allenbury) had previously appeared with Ball in Annabel Takes A Tour (1938). 

Ethel Smith (Herself) was an organist playing herself.

Carlos Ramirez (Himself) was a Columbian-born singer appearing as himself. 

June Lockhart (Babs Norvell) became one of TV’s most famous moms on “Lassie” and “Lost in Space”.  

Paul Harvey (Farwood) did six other films with Lucille Ball: The Affairs of Cellini (1934), Kid Millions (1934), Broadway Bill (1934), The Whole Town’s Talking (1935), I’ll Love You Always (1935), and The Marines Fly High (1940).  Fans probably remember him best as the art critic who visits the Ricardo apartment to assess Lucy’s talent in “Lucy the Sculptress” (ILL S2;E15).

James Flavin (Joe) previously appeared with Lucille in The Affairs of Cellini (1934), Without Love (1945), as the Pizzeria Owner in “The Visitor from Italy” (ILL S6;E5), and in 1963 Critic’s Choice and two episodes of “The Lucy Show.”

Celia Travers (Farwood's Secretary) had also appeared with Lucille Ball in Meet the People (1944). 

Grant Mitchell (Homer Henshaw) makes his only screen appearance with Lucille Ball.

Sybil Merritt (Receptionist) makes her only appearance with Lucille Ball. 

Sondra Rodgers (Attendant) makes her only appearance with Lucille Ball. 

UNCREDITED CAST

Guy Bates Post (Allenbury’s Butler)

John Valentine, Charles Knight (Butlers)

Jean Porter (Frances)

Nina Bara (Rumba Dancer)

Josephine Whittell (Mrs. Burns Norvell)

Dick Winslow (Orchestra Leader)

Walter Soderling (Mr. H.O. Dibson, Justice of the Peace)

Joel Friedkin (Second Justice of the Peace)

Sarah Edwards (Mrs. Dibson)

Charles Sullivan (Bouncer in Newspaper Office)

Mitzie Uehlein, Patricia Denise, Kanza Omar, Phyllis Graffeo (Girls at Pool)

Fidel Castro (Boy at Pool) 

Jack Shea (Lifeguard)

Tom Dugan, Alex Pollard, Fred Fisher (Waiters)

George Calliga (Headwaiter)

Karin Booth (Clerk)

Milt Kibbee (Private Detective)

Robert E. O'Connor (Taxi Driver)

Frank S. Hagney (Truck Driver)

Jonathan Hale (Hector Boswell)

Virginia Rees (Lucille Ball’s Singing Voice)

‘EASY’ TRIVIA

A remake of one of the great comedies of the 1930s, Libeled Lady,  with Jean Harlow, William Powell, Myrna Loy, and Spencer Tracy.

Van Johnson worked with Lucille Ball again several more times. He guest-starred as himself on "I Love Lucy" and he co-starred with her in the 1968 film Yours, Mine and Ours.

Van Johnson's biography, MGM's Golden Boy, states that Lucille Ball's performance as Gladys "reveals the embryo of her Lucy Ricardo role in the later ‘I Love Lucy’ television series."

Chandler's overdue hotel bill of $763.40 would equate to nearly $10,380 in 2021. The film was a big hit at the box office, earning MGM a profit of $1,779,000 according to studio records.

The duck hunting sequence with Johnson was written and directed by Buster Keaton and Edward Sedgwick, both of who proved close personal friends with Lucille Ball. 

Radio’s “Screen Guild Theater” broadcast a 30-minute adaptation of the movie in February 1948 with Van Johnson and Esther Williams reprising their film roles. Two years later, "Lux Radio Theater" broadcast a 60-minute radio adaptation of the movie with Van Johnson reprising his film role.

Lucille Ball borrows one of Samuel Goldwyn's malapropisms when she says, "Include me out!" Keenan Wynn tries to convince her of having a sham wedding with Van Johnson.

This film was first telecast in Los Angeles on September 26, 1957; in Philadelphia on October 25, 1957' in New York City January 23, 1958; and in San Francisco on Saturday January 25, 1958. At this time, color broadcasting was in its infancy, limited to only a small number of high rated programs, primarily on NBC and NBC affiliated stations, so these film showings were all still in B&W. Viewers were not offered the opportunity to see these films in their original Technicolor until several years later.

Early in this film, on the lower left of the screen, Fidel Castro (without the beard) is seen as a poolside spectator with a drink in front of him. Young Fidel did extra work for MGM, while a student at UCLA, before becoming fully active in politics. It’s interesting that Castro and Lucille should be in the same film, seeing that her husband was born in Cuba and driven out by revolutionaries. 

[thegreatestofheck]

The Girl with No Heartbeat Pt.6 ⊰JJ Maybank⊱

(gif not mine. credit to kaipurge)

word count - 6.2k  warnings - none other than the fact that it is completely unedited. I hope no one minds synopsis - It’s movie night! Mera and the gang watch the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies. It’s all fun and games until something is triggered within Mera that sends her spiraling. a/n - So, this has got spoilers for the first three pirates movies, but only slightly, not much. It won’t be too bad if you haven’t seen it, it’s pretty vague. Also, I’m kind of deciding that there will be some love triangle action going on, so yay for that. Also, I’m sorry it took so long for this chapter to happen. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!! 

***

When Mera stepped into the pod the next day, her shoulders sagged and she let out a deep sigh. She had thought that the pod had been full yesterday, yet somehow, overnight, Ward had managed to fill the pod even more. There had already been enough dread of coming back to work as it was, Mera couldn’t believe there was more in this room she would have to clean. 

“As long as he keeps paying me for it,” she grumbled to herself. Just as she started to clamber her way less than delicately through the mass of stuff toward the bathtub with her ammonia filled bag, the door squeaked open. 

“Hey,” Rafe said from behind her. 

“Hello,” she replied as she tiptoed around a dishwasher. 

“Um, how are you?” 

“Fine. You?” 

“Good, good.” 

Mera glanced behind her to see Rafe still standing by the door with a bag in his hand. His lips were pressed into a fine line and he was staring at his shoes. 

“What do you have there?” Mera asked once she reached the tub. Rafe lifted the bag. 

“Oh, I just bought, uh, donuts,” he said. “Thought you might be hungry.” 

“Why would I be hungry?” she laughed, hoisting the bag out of the tub. Rafe rolled and for a moment he looked like that arrogant boy she remembered the first time they met. 

“Those pogues you live with barely have food to feed themselves. I doubt they have the supply to feed you too,” he said. Mera scowled at him even as she lugged her bag back toward him. 

“And you wonder why I punched you in the mouth when we first met,” she scoffed. Rafe scowled at her as she dropped the bag onto the ground. The metal stove tops inside clattered to the ground, but she didn’t flinch as she kept Rafe’s gaze. 

“If you have a lecture for me, save it,” he snapped suddenly, crossing his arms. 

“I don’t lecture, Rafe,” she said and broke eye contact. She leaned down to pick the bag off the ground again. 

“Right, you just hit people you don’t agree with.” 

“No, I hit entitled, arrogant assholes who think they’re better than everyone else because their daddy has money,” she snapped, sending him a hard glare. Rafe’s mouth parted as he thought up something to say, but then he looked away from her, glaring at the ground. “You don’t want a lecture? Fine, you won’t get one from me. But don’t expect to be making friends any time soon if you keep acting like you own the world.”

“Who said I needed friends?” He asked as Mera pushed past him toward the door. Mera rolled her eyes, settling back into a scowl. 

“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe the fact that you keep following me around like a lost kitten,” she said. She stepped outside and started toward the house, looking for a faucet of some kind. 

“I don’t follow you around!” he said as he followed her outside. 

“Admit it. You’re either madly in love with me or you just really, desperately need a friend. I’d prefer the latter.” 

Rafe spluttered for a bit, crossing and uncrossing his arms as he struggled to find something decent to say. Mera found a hose and set the bag down in the grass beside it. 

“You wanna make yourself useful?” Mera snapped. “Find me a bucket or a tub or something I can use.” 

Rafe stormed away and Mera looked down at her trash bag. 

“Hey, Mera!” Someone called from above. She looked up to see Sarah hanging out a window. “How’s it going?” 

“Your brother’s a bilge rat.” 

“I don’t know what that means, but if it’s West Coast for ‘asshole’ then yeah, pretty much” Sarah said. “Anything I can do to help you?” 

Mera shook her head and let out a sigh. 

“No, I don’t think so, Sarah. It’s appreciated though,” Mera said. 

“So, uh, how’s Kiara?” Sarah asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “And the others? Kiara and the others. You know, because you live with them you would know. At least, you live with John B and sometimes JJ so, of course.”

Mera felt herself smile as she tore open the trash bag. She gagged momentarily at the smell of the ammonia, but then she looked back up at Sarah. 

“They’re all good.”

“Good is good. Good is good.” Sarah let out a sigh and Mera’s smile grew. 

“You and Kiara, are you-”

“No!” Sarah said quickly. “God, no. I like men. Men only. Only men. Kiara and I were...friends back in the day.”

“Why aren’t you friends now?”

“Hold on a sec,” Sarah said before leaning back into the house. “Yeah, Dad?”

Mera waited patiently as she heard Ward and Sarah’s muffled voices. 

“Hey, Mera?” Sarah called down from above once again. “I’ve gotta go real quick, but I’ll be back soon and maybe we can chat then, yeah?” 

Mera smiled up and nodded her head. 

“Catch ya later,” the blonde said before ducking back inside. Despite how angry Mera had just been, Sarah had somehow managed to make her smile. That smile faltered when a tub was thrown at her feet. 

“I’m not in love with you,” Rafe said, standing behind Mera. She sighed and lowered her hands.

“I’ll be your friend, Rafe, on one condition,” she said, turning and standing. Rafe almost seemed to flinch at her. “Don’t make jabs at my family.”

Rafe cleared his throat. 

“Right. No more jabs.”

Mera gave her head a stiff nod. 

“Also, one more thing,” she said, holding up a finger. 

“I thought you said only one condition.” 

“This isn’t a condition. Just a favor.”

“I bought you a donut, isn’t that favor enough?”

“Listen, all I need is something to scrub these metal things down with. I’m not asking you to murder anyone or anything,” Mera said, growing slightly more irritated. 

“I think there’s one in the kitchen,” he said finally. Mera raised an eyebrow. 

“You think?” 

Rafe simply rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his face as he walked toward the front of the house. 

~~~

“You may not want to touch me,” Mera said with a laugh, holding her hands out as Kie threw her arms around Mera’s shoulders. “I’m gross.” 

“We’re all gross,” Kie laughed. Mera held up her hands, covered in grime and black muck. Kie grimaced and Mera gave her head a little nod. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

Mera started toward the house, Kie strolling along beside her. 

“So, where are the boys?” Mera asked. 

“They’re getting snacks for movie night,” Kie said, a smile on her face. “I’m so excited. We’ve gotta start with the Pirates movies, of course, but I think you’re really gonna like Cinderella, so we’re doing that one next, no matter what JJ says.”

“So, no vampires in Santa Cruz?” 

“No vampires, period. Not until you watch Cinderella, of course.” 

Mera laughed to herself, giving her head a little shake. 

“I was given a movie suggestion today that we should add to the list,” Mera said as she walked into the bathroom. Kie settled herself onto the toilet seat, watching Mera with a wide smile. 

“Sure, what movie?” 

“Pulp Fiction, I think it was called?” Kie rolled her eyes at the suggestion.

“That’s John B’s favorite movie,” she said with a quiet huff. “Who suggested it?” 

“Oh, uh, Sarah.” 

Kie was too immediately frazzled by the mention of Sarah’s name to see the way Mera’s eyes flicked back and forth at her own lie. 

“Why were you talking to Sarah?” Kie asked, a scowl pinching her eyebrows. Mera shrugged, turning on the water and beginning to scrub at her hands. 

“She’s nice to me.” 

“She’s a two faced bitch is what she is,” Kie grumbled, pulling her knees up to her chest and scowling even harder. Mera glanced over and raised an eyebrow. 

“I feel like I am missing a vital piece of information. What happened between the two of you?” Mera continued to scrub at her hands, remembering the way Sarah blushed and stuttered after asking about Kie. There was definitely something going on. 

“She was my best friend.” There was a deep sadness in Kie’s voice that made Mera turn the water down and put more of her attention on her. “We did everything together. She was everything…. But she wasn’t who I thought she was.” 

“What did she do?” Mera tried to remember the way her father used to talk to her when she was upset, how he would lower his voice and reach out to grab her hand to keep her from shaking, how sometimes he would pretend to be distracted with something else so she didn’t feel like she was burdening him with all her troubles. Now, Mera tried to emulate that same feeling for her friend, for Kie. 

Kie scoffed, but her eyes were full of tears. 

“It sounds stupid,” the girl grumbled. Mera was tempted to put a hand on Kie’s shoulder and give her a reassuring squeeze, but her hands were still covered in filth. 

“Your pain is anything but stupid.” 

Kie looked up at Mera, her deep brown eyes still full of tears, but there was a small smile on the girl’s lips. 

“It’s movie night,” Kie said suddenly, straightening her back and blinking away her tears. “There’s no crying on movie night.” 

Mera watched as Kie shoved her feelings back down into the box she kept them in. It was a familiar sight. Mera had seen it in the mirror a million times before. 

“Right. I just have to get this uck off of my hands and then I’ll be ready.” 

~~~

Mera thought that movie night would have been at the Chateau, since it was where they had spent all of their time already. She was surprised when the boys pulled up in the van, the back stocked full of snacks that Mera had never seen before in her lives, but none of the boys got out. 

“You sea lassies ready to go?” JJ asked from the back with a horrible pirate accent, holding the sliding door open with a smile. Mera was caught somewhere between mentioning the accent and asking where exactly they were going. 

“Aren’t we staying?” She asked finally while Kie climbed into the seat beside John B. 

“Kie’s the only one with a TV,” John B said. Mera barely had time to scowl at the unusual name before Pope started to explain it. 

“TV. It’s short for television. It’s like a flat box that displays the movie onto it,” Pope said, popping a red fish-like food into his mouth. JJ offered Mera a hand to help her into the van, which she took even though she really didn’t need to. When she felt her face flush, she pulled her hand from his and settled down across from him, beside Pope, who continued to prattle on about the long and exciting history of television. 

“JJ, hand me the notebook,” Kie said from the front seat. Mera, who had been watching Pope as he talked to her, glanced over at JJ when he didn’t respond to his friend, only to find that his blue eyes were fixed on her. “JJ!” 

The boy startled and seemed to snap back into reality. He pulled a notebook from one of his many pockets and handed it to Kie, not looking at Mera. Instead, he started to fiddle with the ring on his pointer finger. An unholy array of thoughts passed through Mera’s mind before Pope elbowed her lightly in the arm and nodded toward John B. 

“Kie says you’re adding Pulp Fiction to the list?” John B said, looking in the rearview mirror with a large smile. Mera nodded her head. 

“It was recommended.”

“By who?”

“Um, Sarah,” Mera said as she glanced at Kie, who had taken to picking aimlessly at her nails. 

“Sarah Cameron suggested you watch Pulp Fiction?” Pope asked with a tone of disbelief. All Mera could do was smile and nod and pray that they wouldn’t push her any further. Of course Sarah hadn’t recommended Pulp Fiction. Rafe did, but there was no way that Mera was going to tell them that, especially when John B’s smile was so big. 

“What are these?” Mera asked, looking at all the different bags laying in front of her. JJ suddenly reentered the conversation as it turned onto food, a glimmer in his eyes. 

“These are hot cheetos. They didn’t have any takis, so we had to get these. Those over by Pope are Swedish Fish. They’re disgusting-” 

“No they aren’t!” Pope protested, tossing two more of the red fish into his mouth. 

“You’re the only one who likes them. Anyway-” Mera reached over and put her hand in the Swedish fish bag, pulling out one of the oblong candies. Pope nodded his head enthusiastically for her to try it. “We got some Pringles and some Skittles and some chocolates for JB and some gummy worms and some raspberries for Kie.” 

“Really?” Kie turned around in her chair again, a huge smile on her face. “I didn’t think they were in season.” 

“They aren’t but Pope over here wanted to buy some for you anyway,” JJ said with a huff. Mera still held the Swedish Fish in her hand, not sure if she was actually willing to try it. 

“Thanks, Pope,” Kie said, turning her smile to the boy sitting next to Mera. Instead of saying anything to Kie, Pope tried to hide his sheepish smile by turning and talking to Mera. 

“Try it!” He said, motioning for the fish in her hand. “I promise it’s good. JJ just has jacked up taste buds from all the weed he smokes.” 

JJ stuck out his tongue, but the joke was enough motivation for Mera to finally take a bite out of the candy. The outside was almost hard, but the inside was soft and gooey. Mera scowled, unsure of what to make of the sweet flavor at first. 

“See?” JJ said, crossing his arms. “Disgusting.” 

“She hasn’t said anything yet!” Pope protested. 

“It’s all over her face, Poe. She hates it.” 

“It’s actually not the worst thing I’ve ever eaten,” Mera said once she had chewed enough to swallow, which felt like forever. 

“See?” Pope sneered at his blond friend in a mocking tone. 

“She said not the worst, which doesn’t mean it’s any good.” 

“Well,” Mera said with a smile. “When you’ve eaten gull legs, gruel, and barnacles, there isn’t a lot that doesn’t taste good.” 

“There, Pope, you happy?” Kie said from the front, her leg propped up on the dash. “Swedish Fish aren’t as disgusting as seagull legs.” 

Pope scowled and threw another fish in his mouth as Mera chewed quietly on her own. Mera sat back and let them all talk to each other, passing insults and jokes that Mera didn’t quite understand. But she laughed anyway because one day she would understand and one day those jokes would be funny to her too. 

She wasn’t sure what she expected Kie’s house to be like, but the grandiose mansion was not it. For a moment, she felt her heart plummet. But when she glanced over at Kie and saw the same look of disappointment, Mera felt a warm feeling return. 

“Your parents know we’re coming, right Kie?” Pope asked as he looked up at the large, white house, carrying a bag of snacks in his arms. 

“Of course they do,” Kie said with a roll of her eyes. “Why wouldn’t they?” 

“Because last time you didn’t tell them,” JJ said. “And we got a nearly three hour lecture.”

“Right. Well, I did tell them this time.” Kie turned to Mera. “And they are so excited to meet you.” 

Kie’s mom wasn’t there when the five showed up, but her dad was more than happy to welcome them inside. 

“Hey, Big Mike!” JJ said as they all walked inside, Kie taking the lead. Mike, Kie’s dad, did not seem impressed by JJ or his toothy grin. Pope shook his hand, which made Mr. Carrera almost smile, but he ignored John B completely. 

“You must be Mera,” Mike said when he finally came to her. Mera forced herself to smile and she nodded. She shook his outstretched hand. 

“That I am.” 

“And you’re…John B’s cousin?” Mike looked between Mera and John B for a few moments, eyebrow raised just like his daughter did. 

“Why does no one believe that she’s my cousin?” John B grumbled, crossing his arms. Mera simply laughed. 

“Yes. He’s my cousin.” 

“Well, I’m glad to finally meet you. You’re always welcome here,” he said, still smiling. 

“I didn’t get an always welcome invite,” said JJ, to which Kie rolled her eyes. 

“There’s a very good reason for that, JJ.” 

~~~

There was only mild interrogation before Mike decided it was okay to leave them alone and lock himself away in his room. With the lights shut off, the popcorn popped, and candies in a wild array around them, all five teens wrapped themselves in blankets and settled down in front of the TV. 

It took some getting used to for Mera. A lot of getting used to. At first, the lights from the screen hurt her eyes and the music was so loud. But by the time the movie actually started, she stopped cringing. Mera was settled near the edge of the couch between Kie and Pope so she could steal Swedish Fish from his bag but still reach the popcorn (which, she discovered, was heaven sent. Way better than gull feet). 

She let her mind stop wondering how hard it must have been to invent the thing before, stop trying to figure out how it worked, stop lamenting over her lost centuries, and let herself just enjoy the movie placed before her. 

It was part romance, part sea-faring adventure. Inaccurate as it was, Mera found herself enjoying it. She laughed with the jokes, shoved her face full of popcorn when things got tense, and exclaimed more than once about how cool Jack Sparrow was. 

“Just wait till the next movies,” Kie gushed. “You’ll love them all even more.” 

There was no question as to whether they would put in the next movie. In the brief time it took Kie to slide out of her spot and put the next disk in, the boys were berating Mera with questions. 

“How accurate was it?” 

“Did you like it?” 

“Did you notice when-” 

“Did you ever meet Jack Sparrow?” 

“Jack Sparrow’s fake, you idiot.” 

“I’m pretty sure it was Captain Jack Sparrow.” 

“Right, right.” 

The second movie started and everyone went silent. Again, Mera was enthralled. There was no turning her head from the screen. If someone even opened their mouth to speak, she was shushing them instantly. She didn’t want to miss a single second. 

By half way through the third movie, Kie had fallen asleep on Mera’s shoulder. Pope didn’t last much longer before he too fell asleep, his empty bag of Swedish Fish fallen on the floor. John B stayed awake until the big battle started. Mera had no idea how he slept through all the cannon fire. She flinched almost every time one went off and every time, Kie would squeeze her hand in her sleep. 

“He’s not dead,” Mera whispered into the darkness, the first time she had spoken since the post-second movie interrogation. She looked across the couch toward JJ, who was the only one left awake. He was shocked to see the light of the television illuminated the glimmer of a tear on her face. “He can’t be.” 

JJ wished he was closer, just so he could reassure her that everything would be alright. Even though her worries were relieved just seconds later, he couldn’t help but wish he was closer. He barely looked back at the screen the entire rest of the movie, watching the way her eyes lit up near the end with the scene at the beach, watching the way another tear slid down her cheek at the painful departure of the two lovers. He watched her smile at the final scenes with Jack and Barbossa and Gibbs, watched as her mouth fell open with shock when the credits started to roll. 

“There’s a little scene at the end,” JJ whispered to her. She finally looked over at him and nodded, trusting that he was telling the truth. She read through all of the names, mentally thanking everyone of them for their contribution until, just like JJ said, there was a small scene at the end. 

It was simple and it was short, but by the end of it, Mera had more than one tear rolling from her eyes. The movie ended completely and JJ shut the TV off, but Mera still stared at the now blank screen. 

“What did you think?” He asked, giving her a few moments to process. At first, all she could do was nod her head. 

“That was….” Mera let out a long sigh as she struggled to find the word that suited it best. “Epic.” 

“You really liked it?” 

At the near giddiness in JJ’s voice, Mera finally tore her eyes from the screen to look at him and nod. 

“I’ll probably have to watch it a million more times.” 

“We have to watch Lost Boys first,” JJ said, slouching down farther in his chair. “And Interview With a Vampire.” 

Mera laughed quietly and Kie stirred beside her, groaning quietly in her sleep. 

“Kie said that we have to watch Cinderella first,” Mera told JJ as she looked down at the sleeping girl. JJ made a fake vomiting sound. 

“That’s a princess movie,” he said with a disgusted look on his face.

“So?”

“Princesses are for girl’s, Mera!” 

“From my experience,” Mera told him, crossing her arms gently. “Boys have been more infatuated with princesses than any other breed since the title was even thought up. More boys would give their right arm and leg to marry a princess than, say, a pirate.” 

“I’d marry a pirate,” JJ said confidently. Mera felt her face grow hot and she was suddenly grateful for the darkness to cover her. “I, uh, I just mean that not every guy is looking for a princess to fall in love with. That’s all.” 

“Right, of course.” 

The mood fell flat. JJ cleared his throat twice like he was going to say something else, but never did. Eventually, Mera gave up on the awkward silence. 

“Goodnight, JJ,” she said suddenly. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Night, Mera.” 

They fell silent again. Mera tried to squeeze her eyes shut and pray for sleep, but her mind was still racing at a thousand miles a minute. Not only were the movie scenes still bouncing around her head, but she was actively trying to convince herself that JJ hadn’t just said he would marry a pirate...in the presence of a literal pirate. 

Of course he didn’t mean me, she thought to herself. I’m not really a pirate anymore, now am I? 

Mera didn’t realize that the movie scenes in her mindseye had shifted from what she had actually seen on the television, to something more fantastical until she was already asleep. Fiction morphed with reality until she was back on the sea once more, the taste of salt in the air as sea mist sprayed through the air. 

She was on top of the Black Pearl, with two captains at the helm. At first, she thought it was Jack and Barbossa, like it was in the movies, but when they both turned around, she realized that they were strangers. She didn’t recognize their faces because their features were blurred beyond comprehension. Despite not knowing what they looked like, Mera felt like she...knew them both. 

Two captains of one ship. She couldn’t tell who they were, but the feeling of familiarity was too real to pass up. 

And then things got even weirder. 

She heard her father call her name, but it wasn’t the name she was used to hearing from his lips. 

“Mera,” he whispered to her from somewhere behind. When she turned, he wasn’t there. “Mera.” 

From behind again. She spun, this time hoping to catch him standing there, but there was nothing but the sea mist. She scowled, confused as the two captains shouted contradictory orders. The boat tugged and it pulled, trying to obey the commands of both of her captains at once. 

“Mera!” This was a different voice. The voice of a song, but strict and stern. This time, when Mera turned, she found herself standing face to face with her siren sister, Ira. Her deep brown skin glittered in the sunlight as water dripped down her nude body. Her lips were pursed, expertly covering the fangs that hid beneath. Her brown eyes sparkled, but in every way that made Mera shiver. 

“You left us,” Ira hissed. Mera heard her words inside her head, but her mouth did not move. “You abandoned your own family.” 

“No.” Mera shook her head and took a step backward. 

“Yes, Mera.” 

“Mera!” A third voice called. Mera spun around and the ship changed. No longer was she on the Black Pearl with it’s two captains, but she was back on the Iron Anchor, her mother standing by the stern. Ira was gone. 

“Mera!” Her mother cried out. “Look out!” 

Mera spun around, ducking under the swing of a sword with milliseconds to spare. As she stumbled backward, still wearing the pajamas Kie had leant her, Mera realized what was happening. 

Cannon fire echoed through the air, the smell of sea salt air replaced by gunpowder and burning wood. The mast of the Anchor lay toppled over, creating a wonderful walkway for the British ship that bobbed a few yards beside them. They were being attacked. 

She fell back into the flow of fighting almost instantly. Without any protection and no weapon, Mera needed to think smart. She ducked and evaded until she could get a clean shot at a gut or the groin, waiting for the right moment to grab a weapon. 

“Mera!” Her mother’s voice called again, but from much closer. There was no time to look for her though. All Mera could do was fight to stay alive. It suddenly felt as if Mera was the only one left fighting the British, that they were all ganging up on her and she was nearly defenseless to stop them. 

“Mera,” her mother said from somewhere that she couldn’t see. “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t left me.”

“I’m right here, Mother,” Mera said, grinding her teeth as she fought to keep the sword of her opponent from running her through. 

“You left us.” Her mother’s voice was weepy. “I lost your father and then I lost you. I am so alone.” 

“No!” Mera cried, shoving her opponent off of her and into another British soldier. “I’m right here.” 

She heard her mother scream, the same ear splitting cry Mera had heard the day her father had been run through. Turning slowly to face the other side of the boat, Mera saw the Commander of the British ship holding a sword that was deep in Amarylis Briarheart’s gut. The same Commander that had killed her father.

“No!” Mera screamed. She ran across the suddenly empty deck, with no opposition in her path. She didn’t hesitate to grab the Commander and pull him away from her mother. They fought, just as they had done once long, long before. And just like before, the Commander sunk his sword into Mera’s side. For half a second, she felt the sting of metal tear through her flesh, and then she just felt numb. Clenching her jaw, Mera didn’t even look back at her dying mother before wrapping her arms around the Commander’s neck and leaning over the edge of the boat, toppling down deep, deep into the darkness below. 

“Mera,” a voice whispered like a lullaby. She wasn’t sure if it was Ira or her mother or Kie, but the voice was quiet and calm, like a wave lapping against a quiet shore. 

“Mera.” 

The ocean was cold and it was dark, but Mera could barely feel anything. She recognized the numbness. It faded quickly as her lungs began to burn and the salt of the water began to stab at her wound. 

And Mera waited. She waited for Ira to come like she did before. She waited for the offer that she would accept so she wouldn’t have to die. But Ira never came. 

“You took immortality from me once,” Ira’s voice said, though she was nowhere to be seen. “And you gave it up for some boy!” 

“He didn’t deserve to die,” Mera replied. 

“Maybe not.” There was a pause. “Then again, maybe you did.” 

In one swift motion, Mera felt something tug harshly against her neck, dragging her down, down, down, away from the light of the sun and into the depths of the sea. Mera screamed, or she tried to, at least. One arm around her neck became a dozen hands across her entire body, pulling at her flesh, tearing out her hair, yanking her down to the sea floor. 

“You have blood on your hands,” an unfamiliar voice boomed throughout the ocean. “It’s time for you to pay for it, Mera.” 

Her screams never stopped as the sirens she once called her brothers and sisters tore into her skin as she had done so many times, shrieking her new name as they did so as if it was an insult on their lips. 

“Mera! Mera!” They cried. 

“Mera!” The booming voice echoed. 

“Mera!” Ira hissed in her ear. 

“Mera!” Her mother shrieked for her as she fell over the side of the boat. 

“Mera!” Her dad breathed as he died. 

“Mera!” the two mysterious captains yelled, both vying for her attention. 

“Mera!” 

With a gasp, she shot upward, her eyes snapping open. 

“Mera, are you okay?” Mike Carrera knelt in front of her, holding her wrists in his strong grip. Beside him sat Kie, eyes full of worry and fear. She looked around. To Pope, who was sitting next to her still, a hand on her shoulder. To John B, who was standing behind Mike and Kie with a fist pressed to his lips. To JJ, who sat on his knees beside her, fear etched into every feature. 

“What…?” She gasped for breath, noticing how hoarse her voice was. “What happened?” 

“You were screaming,” Kie told her quietly. “And shaking.”

“It must have been a nightmare,” Mike said, dropping his hands from her wrist back to his side. Once his grip was gone from her, Mera realized how badly she was shaking. Sweat beaded down her neck and spine, her muscles refused to relax as she tried not to look at the worried faces that surrounded her. 

“Yeah,” Mera murmured. “A nightmare.” 

“Are you okay?” Pope asked, his hand not leaving her shoulder despite how damp it was. Mera nodded her head slowly, not really trusting herself to speak. 

“I’ll get you some water,” John B said. Mera didn’t even have the strength to thank him. 

“Why don’t you sleep in my bed?” Kie asked, leaning forward and putting a hand on Mera’s knee. She just shook her head. 

“I would rather stay out here,” she said. “If that’s okay with you guys.” 

She glanced at Pope and JJ, almost worried they would kick her out for waking them up. 

“Of course that’s okay,” Pope said and gave her his best reassuring smile. John B returned with a cup of water that Mera took with trembling hands. 

“K, can I talk to you?” Mike asked, pushing himself to his feet. Kie nodded, following after him once she had given Mera’s hand a tight squeeze. 

“Here,” John B said, “We can sleep on the floor. You and Kie take the couch. It will be more comfortable that way.” 

Mera couldn’t find the strength to protest. Pope and JJ almost silently moved off of the couch, dragging their blankets and pillows with them onto the floor. She flattened herself just as quietly, straining to her ears to hear what Mike and Kie were talking about. Being a siren had left her with three unchanged physical characteristics; the unnaturally sea green eyes, an unbeating heart, and ears that were very tuned in for hushed conversations. This was one of the rare moments that Mera was grateful for it. 

“...anything happen at home?” Mike asked Kie. 

“Not...not that I know of. She’s had a tough life, though,” Kie replied. Mera felt the all too familiar weight of embarrassment press down against her. She wanted nothing more than to sink into the holes of this far too comfortable couch and stay there forever. 

“I might not know much, but I know those kinds of nightmares aren’t good for a kid,” Mike said. Mera could imagine him with his hands on his hips, a concerned dad look on his face. In the brief moments Mera had met him, he almost reminded her of her own father. It made her sad. 

“She’ll be fine, Dad,” Kie said. The confidence in her voice gave Mera a little bit of hope. 

“You don’t need to fix her, K.” These words were spoken even quieter than the other ones. The silence was deafening. “I know you want to fix that boy and you can’t, but that doesn’t mean you should take on another charity case.” 

“That’s not what this is, Dad!” Kie’s anger was evident even through her hushed tone. “JJ and Mera don’t need to be fixed. They’re not broken. They’re people who are hurt and they just need something stable and safe.” 

“And that has to be you?” 

“Not necessarily.” 

“But it is.” Kie was silent. “Look, baby, I know why you want to help them, but you have to take care of yourself too. They have to take care of you too.” 

“They do! I-”

Mera couldn’t stand to listen to any more. She rolled off the couch and tiptoed toward the sliding glass door that led to an outdoor patio. She didn’t even care to look and see if the boys were asleep yet. 

The fresh air felt good against her hot face and skin. Out in the open, she felt like she could breathe again. Lifting her head and she breathed deeply through her nose, Mera looked out toward the horizon, gazing at the glittering ocean set before her. The moon shone bright in the sky, reflecting off of the surface of the water. The stars twinkled above and shimmered below. If Mera could look past the trees and the buildings and the streetlamps, she could almost convince herself that she was back on the sea, with the wind in her hair, and the smell of the salt covering the musk of the men. 

But her moment of bliss was interrupted by the ever present ocean call. Her brothers and sisters sang to her from under the wave, luring her back to the water so she could pay the price for her sins. She had gotten a taste of what that might look like tonight in her dream and the thought scared her more than anything. The lullaby made her knees weak and she felt her breath go ragged again. It was too hot to go back inside, but she couldn’t stand being out here much longer. 

Luckily, her break came when the sliding glass door opened again. 

“Hey.” 

It was JJ. 

Mera brushed away a stray tear or two that managed to squeeze it’s way out of her eyes before half turning her head toward him. 

“Hey.” 

He walked forward, joining her at the railing. He leaned up against it just like she did, looking out over the water. For a moment he was silent and she wasn’t sure he was going to say anything else. His presence was enough to drown out the siren call a little, but she knew that if he spoke, she wouldn’t be able to hear it at all. She just wanted to be rid of it. 

“What were you dreaming about?” He asked finally. 

“Nothing pleasant,” she told him with a sigh. 

“Mmm.” He looked down at his hands. “We triggered something, didn’t we? Watching those movies?”

Mera shrugged her shoulders. It was possible. Probable, actually. But she had enjoyed herself. It was fun, until she fell asleep. 

“We’ll take a break from pirates and the undead for our next movie night,” JJ told her. “We’ll watch Cinderella.” 

Mera felt herself smile. 

“That sounds good to me.” 

When she looked over at JJ and saw the deep blue of the sea in his eyes, she felt the ocean call once again. But this was different. This wasn’t luring her to her death, but pulling her closer to something else, to him. And it wasn’t just a quiet song in the back of her mind. It was a roaring choir, a thousand times louder and a thousand times stronger. 

And a thousand times harder to resist.

~~~

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[theartofbeinganeldar]

The Art of Being an Eldar: Legolas x Reader Chapter 5

Summary: After discovering that you were stuck in Middle-Earth, Thranduil summoned a council of powerful Elves and wizards to see what should be done with you, expressing his wishes of wanting you out of his kingdom. The council decides to send you with Legolas on an orc-hunting mission, and if the Elves of the company that he deems trustworthy-- one of them being his own wife-- say that you've proven yourself worthy of staying among the Mirkwood Elves, then you can stay. The problem is actually managing to succeed...

Chapter No.: Chapter 5

Key: [Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color [lad/lass/y-o]= lad/laddie, lass/lassie, young one

Notes:  I know I've been trying to keep this story gender-nuetral, but dwarves have a habit of referring to people (Even Gimli to Legolas, though he's a lot younger than our golden boy) as "lad/laddie" "lass/lassie." Or even "young one," I've heard Balin call Bilbo. So for this story, I'll just put [lad/lass/y-o] in parenthesese, and you can just hear whichever one you choose. :)

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Wormtongue Grima Wormtongue, Boromir LIVES, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me.)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC maybe Bilbo you won't know for awhile, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words.

Rating: Teen (14+) for now

The Elves stopped just outside the northern border of the Mirkwood, to the west, to wait for the dwarves. But apparently the little guys just didn't give a shit.

The whole group camped for three days, then three more days, and by the end of it, you were even growing impatient. It was mainly the younger Elves that shared your impatience, but Elves like Elvenqueen and Erestor and Haldir seemed to think that they had all the time in the world, la la fucking la...

Legolas seemed in-between, irritated at the dwarves for being so late but not really caring in the long run. You tried several times to approach him and apologize, but he always seemed to disappear at the most inconvenient times imaginable.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity-- you were getting sick and tired of frolicking-- the sign of a camp on a distant ridge, a couple of days away, gave the Elves hope that the dwarves finally got their heads out of their asses and decided to show up. A couple of Elves seemed to puff some horses out of thin air, and galloped off to meet them.

"We get horses?!" You'd screeched, and wheeled on your friends-- Tauriel hadn't come, so Lindir, Elros, and pissy Blue-Eyes were the only actual friends here you had, even though all the other Elves were very nice to you. "Why the fuck didn't anybody tell me we got horses?!" You could've been riding to pass this time. Not that you knew how to ride a horse, but that wasn't the point.

Elros blinked at you in disbelief. "Those Elves awaited us on the border with horses enough for all. You have not seen them before?"

"No, dammit, or I would've been riding to pass the time!" You hadn't noticed them, because a certain Rivendell Elf had forced you to learn Elvish... You rounded on him. "Lindir! If you hadn't made me sit here and learn Elvish, I could've been riding!"

Lindir stared at you, then slowly raised an eyebrow challengingly. "You do not know how to ride, do you?"

You frowned. "That's not the point!"

Both Elros and Lindir chuckled amongst themselves. You huffed theatrically. "Fine, jackasses. I'm off to pet one of those sweet animals. You can teach me Elvish later."

Before either of them could stop you, you all but ran off, hoping not to slam into anybody or trip or cause something to fall that'd cause a huge mess. You were prone to all of them. And there were horses, enough for everybody there, and three very fat ponies that you almost started squealing over. Those, you guessed, were for the dwarves.

But one horse, out of all of them, caught your eye.

A sleek, gorgeous black, with a bright white star on his forehead. He was built for speed, like a racehorse, but he was sturdy, too. You looked for something to mark him as belonging to a certain Elf-- because you knew Elves loved horses, and that like all horse people, even look at their horse wrong and you make it on their kill list-- but they all seemed randomly selected out of somebody's stables, dressed in the same dark leather tack and saddlebags.

"Oooooh," You approached him quietly, and he nickered softly at you, his dark eyes scanning you and the Elves and the other horses warily. He seemed only recently tamed. "You, fine sir, are gorgeous."

"I beg your pardon?"

You promptly fell backward. Shit! Talking horses, too?! "What the fuck?!"

Legolas, with a smug smirk plastered onto his absurdly perfect face, sailed into existence from around a dapple gray mare. "Valar tell me you were talking to the horse."

"No, I can tell you I was talking to the horse," You sighed in relief, shaking your head as you stood. "But don't worry your platinum head, Goldie, all Elves are equally beautiful creatures."

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, mellon."

You stroked the black's face gently. "No seriously though, he's beautiful. Does he have a name?"

Blue-Eyes didn't look up from brushing his mare's mane. "Most of the horses came from Rivendell and Rohan, which they bought on the journey. The rest came from the Woodland stables. I doubt you will find his name, if he has one."

You felt a little disappointed that you couldn't ask if you could have the horse. You'd always wanted one, but for... Personal reasons that had to do with your biological father, you never got one. "Well... I'll just refer to him as The Black, then."

Blue-Eyes turned around, and started inspecting his tack. "Hm... He seems to have come from our own stables." He stroked behind the stallion's ears, and the horse snuffed appreciatively.

"Legolas," You said quickly, realizing you should catch him when you have the chance. "I'm sorry for not telling you about me leaving if this didn't go well. It wasn't my choice; Thranduil wanted me to go with Elrond that day, but I asked if I could stay. He sent me on this mission to see if I was worthy enough to stay in his Palace of Fabulous. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but... I didn't think anyone would care if I left."

Blue-Eyes got a confused look. "Why... Why would you think that?"

You gave him a sad, lopsided smile. "No one has before."

Recognition, then regret, flashed across Blue-Eyes's face. "Oh, Sairen... I am truly sorry, mellon nin, I should not have been angry with you. I didn't realize... I should have, and I should not have been upset with you. I just... I do care if you leave, and, if I'm honest, I do not want you to go."

You patted his shoulder. "Just so long as you forgive me."

Blue-Eyes smiled at you. "Of course, mellon, if you can forgive me."

You grinned. "Forgiven." You nudged him with your shoulder. "I'm just glad we're friends again. I've never had so many people be nice to me, but only a handful of you I consider my friends."

"And who among us hold that honor?" He asked teasingly.

Oh shit... You'd seen movies where somebody's asked this question, and if the askee shows even the slightest bit of hesitation or interest in any of the friends, asker became pissed and/or jealous. Wait... Why do I care about that? You turned to him with a huge smile. "Well you and Tauriel, DUH, and then there's Lindir and Elros now. Just wait, I'll be friends with Haldir and Erestor too, and then your mom-- by the time I'm finished I'll even make your dad like me!"

Legolas chuckled. "I hope so, mellon."

"By the way," You said, and reached down to grab a handful of grass to give to the Black. "Lindir and Elros are trying-- and failing-- to teach me Elvish. I'm a horrible student, namely because I'm Elvish-challenged. Still, I'm learning, and I want you to teach me something very specific."

He looked confused. "What?"

You smiled. "Teach me the history of Middle-Earth! Everything you can! I can't read Elvish, but you can, and you know the stories pretty well, I'm guessing. So start with how the world began and continue on from there."

Legolas smiled. "Very well, Sairen." In one quick movement, he mounted his mare, then reached down for your hand. "Come. We will ride, and I will tell you all that I know."

You took his hand, feeling a spark from static you'd built up from petting the horse. He hefted you effortlessly up behind him, then urged his horse into a canter as you rode away from camp.

***

Needless to say, you fell off twice.

Once, you let go of Legolas for just a second as his mare jumped a small log, and whoops, there you go. After, still not learning your lesson, you let go of him while trotting beside a river and the horse's gait made you slide right off before you even realized what was happening.

Then you learned not to let go of Blue-Eyes, mostly because he laughed his Elvish ass off every time you fell, after making sure you were okay.

As for world history, it was all very confusing. There were like six different versions of somebody and a hundred different other guys shared the same name and places and descendants and confusing time periods and just ugh. That was one thing you remembered from Earth: Tolkien's works had always been confusing.

Long story short, though, there was a guy called Eru, or Illuvatar, and he created a bunch of friends through thought. These friends of his became the Valar, and Illuvatar created the whole universe-- Ea-- through more thought. Then he had all his friends-- fourteen of them-- sing, and they created the vision of Valinor, then Arda, and the mischief-maker was Melkor, brother of god-king Manwe.

Now, after a long bout of building and making and stuff they created Valinor and Tirion and Mandos and all that, and they created birds and beasts, but Melkor got jealous and tried to ruin it at every fucking turn. Seriously, the guy didn't give them a break.

Then, Aule, another Valar, who made a lot of shit, wanted to have a bunch of kids so created the little guys known as dwarves, and made them to be especially tough and hardy and stuff because they were supposed to be around during the time of Melkor. But, Illuvatar appeared in his living room one night and said "I think the fuck not my kids come first" which made Aule reeeaaaaaallly upset, so he tried to kill the dwarves (Supreme parenting 2.0!), but then Illuvatar said "wait idiot they can still live" so Aule put them in stasis-mode for like several million years, until somebody "accidentally" unleashed some new Elves into Middle-Earth-- which had no moon or sun.

So duh Orome shows up, says "hi" and everybody runs for their lives except for a few brave souls, who round everybody back up. So three particular Elves, Finwe, Lenwe, and Ingwe, who you're pretty sure were brothers, went to Valinor with Orome to see if it was suitable for Elves-- and it was pretty much Elven paradise, or Vegas or something.

THUS CAME THE FIRST SUNDERING OF THE ELVES, or, that's how dramatically Leggy told it; the Teleri came to rest on the shores of Aman instead of going still further (Who earlier had split further and some became the Sindar, who had stayed in Beleriand, and the Silvan Elves, who'd stayed in the forests of Beleriand or something, of which Blue-Eyes was the first.), the Nandor who got scared of mountains and refused to go further, and the Noldor, who came all the way to Valinor.

Once actually in Aman, the Elves loved it there. They were in paradise. Water. Books. Flowers. Sparkles. Everything an Elf dreamed of. They built a city on a huge hill called Tirion upon Tuna (No you refrained from laughing.), made of silver and gold and more sparkles, and there was lots of peace, until Melkor was finally caught and chained.

Peace, lots of peace, boring shit, more peace, then BAM, the idiot Valar let the bastard go, like dumbasses. Melkor hadn't changed of course, no one does. He started rumors like some crazy gossiper and started up a whole bunch of shit. At that time, this guy called Feanor was around. He was like, the Elf of Elves, but he had some breathtaking anger management issues because after his mom died, his dad waited like a couple thousand years then got married again, and he definitely did not like his stepmom.

Or his two half-brothers.

They were pretty cool guys, Fingolfin and Finarfin, and each brother had like a dozen kids each, one of Finarfin's, get this, was Galadriel. One of Thingol's kin? Celeborn. Elrond? Yeah, he's the grandson of Beren and Luthien, the son of Earendil, raised by Maglor, related to Turin, and his grandparents were Tuor and Idril, the latter of which was the daughter of Turgon, who was the son of Fingolfin, who was the brother of Feanor, so yeah.

Holy fucking shit. Their god stories were kinda hard not to believe when people still existed who could vouch for them.

So this Feanor guy created a trio of sparklies beyond all sparklies, called, the Silmarils. He got a mild case of dragonsickness, boasting and hoarding and showing off and gloating, but Melkor made him think his brothers were trying to steal his sparkles, which, fuck no, how dare they, and he made his brothers think that Feanor was trying to usurp their father Finwe's throne.

Damn that guy knew how to stir up some shit.

One of Melkor's chief servants? Sauron, the Dark Lord, previously known as Sauron the Sparkly Maiar Who Wouldn't Hurt A Butterfly. Balrogs? Yup, Melkor made them, too.

Basically, Feanor started a revolution against the Valar and Melkor, who he called Morgoth, because Melkor was just too pretty of a name for such a bad guy, who stole every single light with the help of a hideously large spider called Ungoliant, killed Finwe, then took the Silmarils.

Feanor was piiiiiiissed.

So the Noldor left Tirion, killed some guys that tried to reason with them that turned out to be Elves, the Teleri, got cursed by Mandos, then Feanor, his sons, and a couple hundred who he knew didn't question him set off on stolen boats and burned them when they reached shore, leaving everybody else-- Galadriel included-- to walk the fucking Helcaraxe, a snowy strait wasteland, to get to Beleriand, which was filled with sparkling twinkle-toes Elves and much-less-serious dwarves-- who were friends.

There was also a good portion of the story dedicated to Turin, Beren and Luthien, and the couple known as Maedhros and Fingon, who you instantly adored: Maedhros, chained to a jagged cliffside for who-knows-how-long, and Fingon, who wanted so badly to save him, and eventually carried up to the cliffside by an eagle; he had to cut off Maedhros's hand, but the story was so heartfelt you were still internally squealing about it.

Yeah so that happened, and then a bunch of war and slaying and something about a Fall of Gondolin and the Children of Hurin and Beren and Luthien leading up to a whole lot of human-caused shit with Numenor, and then Illuvatar blew everything up and restarted, essentially. Toward the end of the second age, Sauron (The fucker had somehow lived through all that evil-cleansing shit.), in the form of a fancy-prancy Elf named Annatar, suggested the making of the Rings of Power. Three, a smart guy who hadn't fallen for any of Annatar's shit, Celebrimbor, hid for the Elves, while Sauron/Annator helped forge the rest in order to control them, making one ring, above all.

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

Seven for the dwarf  lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for mortal men doomed to die,

And one for the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne,

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie,

One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them,

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

That was totally cool and stuff, and a handful of well-known Elves-- Gil-Galad, Glorfindel (Who'd uh, previously died due to a balrog trying to touch his hair.), Elrond-- and you're betting Galadriel, Celeborn, and Thranduil-- plus a bunch of well-known humans, lead by Isildur's dad, Elendil, and probably some dwarves, all came together with their armies and formed the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, totally discounting every dwarf that was there.

The nine kings who'd been given rings? Yeah, those were cursed, and because Men are greedy, they became shadows of their former selves, black-clad servants of Sauron, known as the Ringwraiths-- or, even cooler, Nazgul.

So there was a huge battle. Gil-Galad fell. Isildur's dad fell. Isildur cut off the One Ring from Sauron's hand, Sauron faded away, and Elrond took Isildur into Mount Doom to destroy the Ring. But he was weak, and was seduced by its power, and Elrond just stood there screaming his name apparently.

So there'd been roughly a couple thousand years of peace, and nobody knew where the Ring was. You doubted it was anywhere safe or secure, and much less that Sauron was actually dead.

Also, the Elves were fading. That scared you.

"What?! Great, I got sucked into a world where I'm just gonna die!"

Legolas laughed. "No, mellon nin, we are fading. Not dying. We just long for home, and our kind is slowly leaving Middle-Earth. This world becomes gray to us after so long of living here. We go across the sea, to the Undying Lands of Aman and Valinor."

"Okay," You leaned around him to see his face. "What is it with you Elves and the sea?! What's so important about it, if even you've never seen it yourself?! I certainly haven't seen any kind of ocean or sea."

Blue-Eyes smiled at you. "The first sound ever heard by the Elves was flowing water. It calls us home, in a way. It is said by my people that in water there yet lives the echo of the Music of the Ainur that first created this world."

"Huh," You said, tilting your head. "Guess that does make it really interesting..."

The sound of another pair of hoofbeats, coming up from behind, nearly made you fall off of the horse again. "Orcs?!"

Blue-Eyes grinned smugly. "Orcs do not ride horses, Sairen."

"Duh. I knew that. Fuck you."

"I'd rather you not without my consent."

"That's not always what it means!" You hid your blush by moving so your head was behind his back. Damn Elves...

It was Erestor, riding a gorgeous flaxen stallion. "Legolas, Elvenqueen calls upon the company of [Y/N]."

Nervously, you peered around Blue-Eyes's side. "Is that bad?"

Legolas spurred his own mare into a canter as he followed after Erestor. "Not in the least, mellon."

When you returned to camp, Erestor and Legolas took care of the horses, while they sent you on ahead-- by yourself, to a scary yet badass Elvenqueen you might glare you out of existence if you breathed wrong, like the wonderful friends they were-- to the Elvenqueen.

She sat by one of the center campfires, surrounded by a drove of Elves eagerly listening to whatever she was saying. Even in the firelight, she looked really young, but really regal and noble and even though she didn't have a wrinkle on her body you could tell she'd been around for eons.

All went silent when you approached. Nervously, you bowed. "Y-you wished to see me, your majesty?"

"Yes," She said, and waved to a place on a log across from her. "Sit."

You weren't terrified or anything. Just 'cause she decided not to skin you alive a couple days ago didn't mean she couldn't change her mind. You caught a glimpse of Elros in the crowd, and he gave you a reassuring nod: Don't worry, you won't die yet.

Comforting.

"Tell something of your world," She said.

You balked. Hadn't Thranduil told her everything you'd said? They seemed like the type of couple to do just that. Hadn't Legolas at least given her some information? They seemed close. You swallowed hard, readjusting yourself on the log. "What uh... What do you want to know?"

She thought for a second. "A tale."

You shifted. Sure, that was specific. You'd read billions of books (Well, maybe not quite that much...), but you couldn't remember any that Elves would want to hear aside from series’, like Temeraire, or The Gospel of Loki, or Eon the Last Dragoneye. Maybe you could use a movie, but Marvel and Transformers were too long and in-depth. You thought for a minute. You didn't even know how to give a much-shortened version of Eragon.

But out of everything, it was your best bet to tell a story and be safe from explaining your world's past, or things of your world, or cultures, mythology, or the concept of giant robots from another planet that hide by transforming into cars. Eragon was the closest thing you had to Lord of the Rings that you could remember right off the top of your head that was most similar; it had some of the same beasts, like dragons and werewolves, it was set in the same genre and had dwarves and Elves and Men, even if urgals were a new one... Then again, you weren't sure how they'd take dragons being good instead of hoarding assholes.

So, you got started.

As a hobby, you wrote a lot of fanfiction, which had mainly been for Lord of the Rings; you couldn't remember any of it now, of course, but you'd also started your own fantasy stories that had never been published. You were good with storytelling.

There were points where you had to pause and remember what happened next, or try to find words that explained the guilt or sadness or general feels of the story, but you did pretty good. By the time you were finished, the sun had came up and it was already noon, and the Elves that'd gone off to see if that camp was for dwarves were coming back, with a couple of pony-sized rams with shaggy coats carrying three tiny buff hairy guys.

Elvenqueen regally stood. "My thanks, [Y/N]. That was a wonderful story." She sailed through the ranks of the Elves, which parted before her like reeds to a boat.

"Is that a true story?" Lindir asked you, eyes wide.

You scoffed. "If it were true, I'd've had a dragon named Saphira or Shruikan. I have no dragon." You clapped your hands together. "So! When do I get to meet the dwarves?"

Blue-Eyes-- who'd joined later in the story, and another Elf caught him up on what was going on while he half-listened to what else was going on-- mockingly rolled his eyes. "Patience, mellon. I cannot think of any Eldar whom would willingly want to make the acquaintance of a dwarf."

You gave him a pointed look. "What about Thingol's people?"

Silence. Finally, Elros busted out laughing, and clapped the now-stunned Legolas on the back. "They have a point, mellon!"

But Blue-Eyes was right. It was only a couple hours before you were sought out by a Lothlorien Elf, who told you Thorin wanted to meet "the one who hailed from far." Apparently, nobody here felt like saying "the person that came from another planet." Not as mysterious, apparently.

So you followed the Elf to a tent, much smaller than those of the Elves, and a lot less colorful and, dare you say it, fashionable. Literally, it just looked like a bunch of old dark-colored blankets had been stitched together haphazardly. But, if you looked at the tools and tack of the rams, they were just doing it in spite of the Elves, because they had really good craftsmanship.

You weren't sure what to do. "Uhhh... Knock knock?"

You belatedly remembered one of the dwarves was royalty. "Sirs?"

The flap of the tent opened, and you got your first look at a dwarf.

He was an older dwarf, with a long graying beard and frizzy hair, and huge round ears. He looked you up and down in a brief but kind inspection, and, came to the very educated conclusion of, yup, not your normal Elf.

The dwarf smiled. "Ah, you must be [Y/N]." He sounded more Scottish than anything, and you were instantly relaxed. "The one from a far place. Not a normal Elf, then?"

You shook your head. "No sir. Just got here about a month and a half ago, actually."

He raised a hand. "Now now, we are all a part of this expedition, and I don't like being referred to as 'sir.' I am Balin to you."

You couldn't help but smile. He was a lovable little guy, a very sweet old dwarf. "Okay then. But, uh... Should I call Thorin or Dwalin 'sir'?"

Balin thought about that. "Ehhh... Thorin, yes. Dwalin? No."

You nodded, and Balin lead you inside the tent. It was pretty cozy, with three logs covered in roughish furs for makeshift beds. A small cooking fire was set up in the middle, and two other dwarves sat by it, halting their dwarvish conversation when they seen you and Balin. "This is they," Said Balin, in an introductory way. "[Y/N], child of [M/N], from far places."

The dwarf who you assumed was Dwalin-- buff, sleeveless, and with viscious muttonchops that made him look like Wolverine-- scoffed. "Tell me," Holy shit, he sounds like Leonidas from 300! "[Y/N], do you perhaps come from the Iron Hills?"

"Iron... What?" You were confused. Hadn't any of the Elves talked about you being from Earth? "N...No. I come from a place called Earth."

"Dwalin," Said the other guy, who radiated kingship, authority, and regal dwarfish-ness. He didn't take his eyes off you, like you were a predator ready to strike that he was wary of. He had a beard, but braided neatly down, and long dark hair. He wore dark navy blue and brown fur armor, and his voice was like, super deep. "They are not of the Iron Hills."

"Uh... Thank you?"

Thorin stood, and you bowed. "I'd uh, use some really respectful greeting, but I don't know any in dwarvish yet, so, it's an honor to meet you, Thorin, son of Thrain."

Thorin nodded. "I would say the same, if I knew you deserved any honor," He replied. Ouch.

You didn't know what to say. He obviously had no love for Elves. "What uh... What made you think I was from the Iron Hills, wherever that is?"

"To the east of Erebor, [lad/lass/y-o]," Balin informed you, and Dwalin whacked him so hard upside the head you could've swore they broke something.

"Oh. What made you think--"

Thorin looked at you with a look that said stfu so you did. "The dwarves of Erebor think little of Elven magic, or wizards. We did not believe a portal strong enough to pull someone from another world could exist. And as I have discovered, it does not."

You were confused. "What do you mean? You mean the ears? Those were latex, I swear, but suddenly they weren't. You can ask Thranduil, I'm not from these parts."

Thorin glared at you. "I would rather not converse with the Elvenking. He does not hear the word of others. As for you... It is clear you are merely an Elf of strange upbringing, who lost themselves in the wrong woods."

"Okay," You were starting to get irritated. You loved Middle-Earth, but you weren't from Middle-Earth. You didn't belong, like always, and you were ready to defend your position. In Game of Thrones--you'd never gotten far in that series, and had only started the books-- Tyrion Lannister told Jon Snow to armor himself in what people thought his weakness was, so that it would no longer be his weakness. That's exactly what you'd done over the course of your life, and you weren't about to lose that now. "Listen, I can show you the damn portal. It wasn't made by Elves, or wizards, or any of that other shit. The inscription on the portal came from the time of Gondolin, if that means anything to you. Do I talk like an Elf, to you? Do I act like one? The Elves were ready to kill me, just because I breathed wrong near their damn trees after being chased by orcs on oversized dogs. If I weren't from another world, do you honestly think I'd have such elaborate stories?"

Behind Thorin, Balin patted his hands down, giving you the silent signal to shut up. Glacing at Thorin's pissed off face made you listen. "How am I to believe you?"

You made a face. "Don't you dwarves have any kind of lie-detecting abilites?"

Balin sighed. "None that we can think of, [lad/lass/y-o]."

You huffed in defeat. "Okay, okay, you know what? You dwarves are beyond stubborn, so I'll just tell you once: I come from another world. If you don't believe me, fine, but I'd actually like to make friends with dwarves, thank you very much."

"Oh!" Dwalin chuckled deeply. "Then they must not be an Elf, Thorin! None in their right mind would go cavorting with a dwarf!"

Thorin frowned. "Perhaps a spy... But wait... You are not of the Woodland Elves. I see that now."

You looked down at yourself. "Gee, what gave it away?"

"You carry yourself differently," He began to circle you, and you felt like you were being circled by a vulture. An angry vulture... "Most unlike them, or any Elf I have heard tale of. Whom were you raised by?"

"Uh, my mother," You quipped with a cocked eyebrow. "Her name is [M/N]."

"And where do your kin reside? With the Rangers of Dúnadain?"

"With the what? Is that some kind of club?"

"Club?" Thorin repeated. "You believe that to be a weapon?" He gave you a disbelieving look, and you sighed.

"No, no. Where I come from, a club is a group of people that gather together and talk about stuff they like, or try to run the schools or shit like that," You were trying to explain with excessive hand movements, but you only seemed to be freaking him out.

He narrowed his eyes. In a rough and rusty language that sounded like it could be dwarvish, he said something; you didn't even catch any of the words.

You stared at him blankly for a second. "Mae g'ovannen...?" You tried, wincing at your hopeless pronunciation of the words.

Thorin regarded you with a newfound look of awe. Behind him, Dwalin chuckled. "That, was his attempt at Elvish. And you did not understand what he said?"

You stared. "...No? Was I supposed to? Did you just say something important? Or insult me? Hey, I'm only just starting to learn Sindarin!"

Thorin's look of awe shifted to a scowl and a bitter smirk. "It was not Sindarin, I can assure you. It was Quendi, that of the Noldor, the only Elvish my people know."

"Quen-- Oh, I get it now. Different Elves, different languages, it's all coming together..." You swung your arms casually. "Ok, so, what'd you say?"

"I told you that you are an imposter, and no better than Orc-filth" Said Thorin absentmindedly, "Which would send any Elf into a fit of well-groomed rage."

You couldn't help yourself. You burst into a fit of giggles, making all three dwarves look at you weirdly. "I-I'm sorry," You wheezed, "'Well-groomed rage'; yeah, that's pretty much what they do!"

"What of this quest, then?" Challenged Thorin as he took a seat. He gestured for you to do the same. "If you are not of the Wood Elves, yet you are indeed Elven, why are you on this journey? What purpose do you have here?" He poured you a drink; you'd never really tasted ale or mead of any kind, and recoiled from the smell.

"In order for you to understand, I'd have to tell you the story," You told him, and he gestured for you to continue. So you did. "I fell from the highest branches of an oak tree playing a game with my family. It was a standard day. Standard, pointless life. A life in a dying world that was way too fucking overpopulated, in the wrong damn places. It was a twisted kind of home. I didn't like it, and did what I wanted, so people hated me. I was dressed as an Elf--hence the ears.

"I wake up in the middle of the night, still in the forest, and am suddenly being chased by orcs on the backs of oversized dogs with six-packs on their faces."

Thorin grew confused. "Six-pack? What is that?"

You patted your stomach. "Those rows of six square tight muscles you get on you stomach if you work out. Now lemme finish!

"I get caught up in a river, shot by an arrow, and am half-dead by the time the Elves arrive lead by Blue-Eyes-- uh, Legolas-- and they're ready to kill me, but because I'm pretty much dead and in their forest, I'm some kind of threat. Because they're real nice like that. Thranduil-- who I kindly refer to as, Lord Fabulous-- wanted Leggy to kill me on the spot. Blade to my neck and everything. Until I pointed out that I could go home if we found the portal and would never return by pain of death. Ouch, but whatever.

"So we look, find it, and surprise! Can't get through. Can never see my family again. Can never go home. Suddenly I'm a real Elf. I go into a kind of depression before I realize that this place was a fictional world from where I'm from, which I'd loved, but for some reason can't remember shit now." You pointed to him. "Your name is important. Very. I know that much. You do something really cool, probably.

"But the Council of Wisdomy Guys was summoned, and they decided that it would be best if I proved my worthiness to stay among the Wood Elves on this mission. No pressure!" You grinned maniacally. "What brings you here? I hear a certain gray-robed wizard?"

"Ah, yes," He sighed. "Gandalf. My father met with him whilst I was in the depths of Erebor, so I heard no word of it and could make no protest against it until my father told me that I was to travel with two of my choice to assist the Elves. I only tolerate this for my father's sake, and he claims this will be a good lesson for kingship one day. But when I heard word of someone from foreign lands, I feared it was the dwarves of the Iron Hills attempting some form of scheme. Never have they liked us, and they never shall."

You scoffed. "Yeah, well... Most of the Elves may not like you either, but some of them aren't so bad."

Dwalin choked on his bread. Balin gave you a sad look. "But they tried to kill you!"

You shrugged. "I'm used to getting awful treatment. And besides, now that they know me, I've made some friends. Tauríel, the Captain of the Guard; Lindir of Rivendell, and Elros son of Elrond... And then there's Blue-- Legolas."

"Why d'ya refer to him that way?" Dwalin demanded with a disgusted look.

You shrugged. "A nickname. Where I come from, it's a gesture of friendship. I call Lindir 'Lindy' and he hates it, I can tell."

Thorin snorted. "Well, [Y/N] of Earth... Should the Wood Elves refuse your company, Dale might make a nice, temporary placement until you find elsewhere."

You smirked, nodding slowly. "I heard that emphasis on temporary. Don't worry; I thank you for your hospitality, but Lord Elrond is staying at the palace until I return. If I fail, he'll take me back to Rivendell with him."

"Good. One less Elf on our borders to deal with."

"Oh screw off."

Thorin grinned bitterly, but waved a hand. "Begone, I am done with questioning you."

You scoffed, and Dwalin took your drink and guzzled it. to your shock and amazement. Out of the three of them, only Balin wished you a goodnight.

But you weren't tired, which you realized as you found yourself heading back toward the horses. "[Y/N]," Said a familiar voice, and you turned to see Haldir striding toward you.

You bowed, suddenly recognizing him as somebody of high rank. "Mae l'ovannen, Haldir of Lothlorien. What's up?"

He blinked in confusion. "I..." He slowly looked up. "Believe the stars..."

You chuckled. "No, no; that's an expression, where I come from. It means how are you doing, what is it you need, nice to see you, etcetera etcetera."

He stared at you. "...'Et... Cetera...?'"

You slumped over. "Oi... It means a general list of similar meanings that're implied but nobody feels like saying."

Haldir smiled. "Oh, I see. Lindir wished for you to return, so that you could continue your lessons in Sindarin." He didn't miss your look of disappointment. He smirked. "Perhaps, when you are finished with Sindarin, and already know Common, Quenyan would be best for you to learn."

"Pfft," You waved a hand. "I'll live forever. Might as well. I'll toss some dwarvish in there while I'm at it."

Haldir made a face. "I suppose that is up to you, but every dwarf speaks Common, so it would not pose any form of language barrier for that to be avoided..."

*** You were woken up no later than the crack of fucking dawn, by an elaborate blowing of horns that probably alerted ninety-seven percent of the orcs of the northern borders to your presence, but oh what the hell.

What else you woke up to?

"Galu, mellon nin," Said Legolas with a shit-eating grin. "Ci maer?"

Slowly, your groggy eyes went from wide to thin, angry slits. "...I swear to the Valar, Blue-Eyes... I just fucking woke up. What are you saying? Speak in Common, or I'll tear you limb from limb because I am not a morning person."

He gave you a look, but couldn't wipe the smile off his face. "Le leich, Sairen. But if you are going to learn Elvish, then you must actually try to do so. Tell me, what did I say?"

You shrugged and slumped over onto a log. "Grapefruit, melons win, kid mobster."

Blue-Eyes chuckled, but internally, you busted out laughing after realizing what you said. "No, [Y/N], you have to do this. Concentrate. What did I say?"

With a sigh, you thought about Lindir's grueling lessons with you yesterday. "...You said, 'A blessing,' which is basically 'hi,' first; Galu. Then you said 'my friend,' and, 'are you well.'"

Blue-Eyes nodded, looking excited that you were getting the hang of Elvish. "Excellent. Now respond to me in Sindarin."

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. In the most unenthusiastic tone you could muster, you said, "Galu, Legolas, ni maer. A gin?" Blessings, Legolas, I am well. And you?

"Ni maer," He replied, then began polishing his bow. "Worry not, Sairen, soon Sindarin will come to you thoughtlessly. You already swear to our gods, instead of your own."

You did roll your eyes this time. An idea hit you. "Hey..." You looked at him with a huge smirk. "What's fuck you in Elvish?"

Legolas paled, then blushed. "You will learn how to speak intimately to another later--"

You huffed. "NO! What's your most offensive insult?!"

Blue-Eyes thought for a minute. "...Ego, which is the equivalent to what you mean when you proclaim that Common phrase of yours... Hopefully, most of the time."

You bit back a laugh. "...Eggo? As in, L'eggo my eggo?"

Blue-Eyes gave you a concerned look. "I... I am not sure what you mean, and it is not pronounced as you say it."

Commotion started up, and you spun around in your seat wildly to try and see why everybody was suddenly moving and packing up. "What's goin' on?"

Legolas smiled. "Well, Sairen, we are off to track the orcs."

You looked at him in a panic, pointing futilely to an Elf packing up the cooking supplies. "B-but... What about breakfast?" That sentence reminded you of someone... Someone small and innocent and prone to causing disasters... But who? Blue-Eyes didn't give you time to figure it out.

"You will not starve, mellon nin," He told you gently, and stood. "You are an Eldar now; you'd best learn what your body can do now rather than later." He smiled down at you. "Dadwenithon."

As if you understood what that meant, he practically skipped away. "...Dad marathon?" You repeated in disbelief. You got up and went to find somebody you knew, preferably not the Elvenqueen, Erestor, Haldir, or Thorin, because they'd just find you childish, or annoying. Elros was quick to find, and you approached him and his palomino steed with a very confused expression.

"Hey Elros?"

Elros looked up from brushing his horse's mane and smiled. "Ai, len suilon, mellon nin. Ci maer?"

You rolled your eyes. Stupid Elves and their five hundred different ways to say 'hi...' "Galu, Elros. Ni maer, a gin?"

"Ni maer eithro. What brings you to my company?"

"What the hell does dad marathon mean?"

Elros froze and looked at you like you were crazy. "I beg your pardon?"

You gestured wildly over your shoulder. "Legolas got up, walked away, and said dad marathon! And I've got no idea what he said!"

Elros grinned knowingly. "Ai,Legolas said dadwenithon. It means, roughly, I will return." He gave you a disgusted look. "And that is not how it is pronounced at all."

"Oh. Dadwenithon?"

Elros smiled proudly. "Yes! Precisely! Well done! But if Legolas told you he would return to you, evidently he meant for you to stay where you were."

Your eyes bugged out of your head. "Oh. I'll be going, then. Novaer." You didn't realize you'd said an Elvish farewell until you'd reached where you'd originally been seated, but that jumped out of your head when you seen Legolas waiting with his dappled mare and the black stallion (Heh heh...) from yesterday.

"Ooh! What's this all about?"

"I decided you should have your own mount throughout the course of this journey," He replied with a smile. "He is yours for now. Name him as you will, and by the end of this journey, I shall see if you may keep him."

You stared at him like he'd just grown a second head. "Wh... What? Keep him?"

Legolas smiled. "Surely you would wish to ride at will throughout the northern parts of Mirkwood?"

A huge smile spread across your face, and you excitedly spread your hands. "Well, duh! Gin hannon, Legolas! I'll call him..." You took the reins and looked him in the eye. "Starlight. I've always wanted a black horse called Starlight."

Blue-Eyes patted your back. "Well done, mellon. Already, Elvish is beginning to seep into your speech."

You looked at him in surprise. "I did that on purpose you dumb blond."

Legolas's eyes widened slightly. "Man?" Which you understood as, What?

You stuck your tongue out at him and crossed your eyes. "Blehlehleh!"

He recoiled. "What are you doing?"

With a laugh, you stroked Starlight's muzzle. "Messing with you. So you get up from the left side, right?"

Blue-Eyes just looked at you like you were crazy, then shook his head. "Yes, I suppose."

You went around to the left flank of the steed, which snorted suspiciously at you, like it wanted to know what the fuck you were doing. You peered at Blue-Eyes over the stallion's back. "Gimme a leg up?"

Legolas flushed and stared at you blankly. "If that is one of your vulgar insults, I swear to Illuvatar..."

A laugh escaped your throat. "No! Hell no! It means help me up, you moron!"

A sweet smile crossed Blue-Eye's features. "Well, then, come here, mellon nin, and I will aid you." He interlaced his fingers together as he bent down, allowing you to grip both ends of the saddle, step into his hand, and haul yourself up. You nearly fell off the other side, but just managed to catch yourself before you made yourself look like a complete idiot in front of Blue-Eyes, who noticed your struggle but said nothing, to your sweet relief.

Elros trotted through camp on his palomino, saying "Und wendo'hein!"

Legolas mounted his dapple-gray, and looked you up and down. "You are not sitting correctly." He told you, and reached over to pull your shoulders back. "Your shoulders need to make a line to your ankles in the stirrups."

You rolled your eyes sarcastically. "Great, now you sound like my collection of Young Rider magazines."

"Your what?" Legolas looked almost offended.

"It's basically a book only about twenty pages long made of cheap paper and filled with random tidbits of information. This series I started collecting when I was eight or nine, then continued until I was about twelve, thirteen... I had a lot of them. I loved horses."

Blue-Eyes furrowed his brow. "Did you have one?"

You scoffed. "In my world, you either have to be rich like Saddle Club or own a farm like Racing Stripes. Or, by some miracle get saved by a badass black Arabian stallion on a desert island." You smiled cheekily at him. "Which, by the way, your facial structure really reminds me of an Arabian horse's. Dished, kinda. And perfect and majestic and all that shit."

Blue-Eyes just looked like he was suddenly being attacked by a pack of savage wargs and he wasn't quite sure what to do. You grinned, and did the first thing all of the books and movies you'd read as a kid had taught you: gently tap your heels into the horse's flanks, and carefully guide their head with the reins. Starlight tossed his head, eager to get moving at a faster pace, and nickered softly as he started off at a walk. Legolas beamed at you as he rode beside you. "Well well, Sairen, it seems you are a natural at riding a horse. Perhaps the blood of the Eldar is finally starting to take a hold of you."

"Not quite," Said a new voice, and Lindir rode up on a sleek bay with a mischievous smile. "Suilad, Legolas! [Y/N]! Your Elvish is improving, but you still need to learn more."

You slumped in the saddle. "Augh, man, do I have to?"

Legolas and Lindir grinned wickedly at each other. "Ai, Lindir, man í lú?"

"Ú, Legolas. Eithro, ci maer?"

"Ni maer, mellon nin, ni maer."

So for a whole five or six hours on the trip, you got bombarded on either side by Blue-Eyes and Lindir trying to teach you Sindarin. At the end of the day, the Elvenqueen asked you for another story, so you told her the first one that popped into your head that you could honestly remember most of: Alladin's Lamp. It had been your favorite fairytail as a child, and while it was meant for younger audiences, the Elves enjoyed it just as much.

Then, Thorin asked to see you again. He asked about your world, and what it was like, and you were happy to get to know them, even if you were an Elf now.

And that's how it went, for the next few weeks. Unfortunately, at some point you'd run out of memorized storybooks, so you focused on myths from various mythologies, and then, even movies. 300 seemed to be a favorite of Thorin's, who overheard, but the Elves were especially interested in Gods of Egypt and The Hunger Games, and the Jedi from Star Wars. When you ran out of that material (It was a long trip with long nights, because apparently Elves didn't really get the concept of sleep.), you even switched to games; Darksiders and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim got their attention, as did The Legend of Zelda.

But of all the damned stories you told them, they seemed most interested in Shakespeare, of all things. You only barely remembered reading Midsummer Night's Dream out of curiosity, but Romeo and Juliet, thankfully, everybody knew the gist of. Thanks to a certain Tom Hiddleston, you knew Coriolanus by heart, so that one wasn't too hard of a story to tell, and neither was (Onc you finally got them off of Shakespeare.) Pirates of the Caribbean, a classic for you, which, one of the characters, now that you thought of it... Will Turner... You couldn't quite remember his face, or Balian's from Kingdom of Heaven, which they all really liked, especially Legolas.

Eventually, the queen dubbed you Taleweaver, which you thought sounded pretty cool, but also a little nerve-wracking, because what if you ran out of stories to tell? You forced yourself to be casual. No worries. You were a writer, after all, just... Now your audience consisted of fantasy people instead of Tumblr bloggers.

No pressure.

One day, Legolas approached you alone as you groomed Starlight. "Yo," You said, s'upping him. "S'up?"

Blue-Eyes looked like you'd just thrown something at him. "Man?" You rolled your eyes. "Galu, mellon, galu. What is it?"

Legolas scoffed. "My mother has declared only a small party of us, including the dwarves, shall scout ahead and see if we can find their trail. Of the party is myself, Elros, Erestor, Haldir, and... you."

You pointed to yourself. "M...Me? The queen specifically requested me to go with you?" You narrowed your eyes suspiciously. "Whhhhhhyyyyyyy???"

Blue-Eyes glared at you as he stroked Starlight's muzzle. "It is nothing out of the ordinary. You wish to prove yourself to my father, do you not? I would like for you to stay in the Mirkwood as well, Sairen, so do not disappoint me."

"Well," You looked up at Starlight's face. "No pressure, right?"

Legolas smiled cheekily. "Not at all." He patted your back. "We begin at dawn tomorrow. Meet me by Starlight once you've woken, and we shall begin." He walked away, but half-turned to call out, "Do not be late!"

You nodded in exasperation, but as soon as he was gone, sighed and placed your face on Starlight's neck. "Mission," You hissed under your breath, just really wishing Lord Fabulous didn't have to be such a jackass. "Impossible."

Tag List:

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If anyone else wants to be tagged, just let me know! And let me know if I missed anyone, too... O-O

Le leich= You’re sweet

[mst3kproject]

510: The Painted Hills

 You don’t see a lot of movies where the top-billed star is a dog.  I’m going to venture that it’s probably a bad sign. When the dog actually deserves it, for being the best actor in the film… well, that’s even worse.

A grizzled old prospector (who has a name but I’m gonna call him Stinky Pete, both for the Toy Story reference and because he looks like he never bathes) has just struck gold.  He hurries into town to file a claim, and then he, his business partner Len, a boy named Tommy, and Shep the dog get to work mining.  There’s plenty of gold to be had, but you know how it goes – mo’ money, mo’ problems, and the problem here is Len.  The more gold they dig up, the more Len is paranoid somebody’s going to come and rob them.  Eventually, he doesn’t even trust Stinky Pete anymore, and pushes him over a cliff. Too bad for him, Shep the dog discovers the crime, and now she’s out for revenge!

Okay, first of all, this movie is set in the mountains of California (the Native Americans in it are, for the most part, local Miwok people speaking their own language!), but the Painted Hills are in Wheeler County, Oregon.  Apparently Desert Hot Springs, California, is sometimes called Painted Hill, but that’s in freaking Coachella Valley, an area that looks nothing like anywhere in this movie!  What gives?

Second of all… have you gotten the idea that I’ve saved the boring movies for last? Because that’s exactly what I’ve done. There were movies like Radar Secret Service and The Starfighters that were so gut-wringingly awful I just really wanted to get them over with, but then there were movies like Time Chasers and The Painted Hills that I just kept putting off and putting off because they were too dull for me to even write about the pain they put me through. It wasn’t a sharp, torturous, kidney-stone type pain like some of those worse films… it was just a low, dull, ache that refuses to go away.

Time Chasers is actually a pretty good comparison with The Painted Hills, in that both take an intrinsically compelling idea and make it as boring as they can.  In Time Chasers it was time travel and paradox – in The Painted Hills it’s a good man’s descent into madness.  I’m pretty sure Len is supposed to start out as a nice guy, a friend to Stinky Pete and with a fatherly affection for Tommy.  Then greed overtakes him, until he is driven to murder one and contemplate killing the other.  If this was the movie’s intention, though, it fails.  Len is surrounded by red flags from the beginning, and where we should see his growing paranoia, we’re instead watching a cheerful mining montage.

Stinky Pete originally heads into town to share his find with a friend named Frank, who was Tommy’s father.  He arrives to find that Frank has died, and part of his share in the mining claim has been bought up by Len.  This makes Len an interloper from the beginning, and when he first shows up dressed all in black, we immediately know he’s going to be the bad guy.  The arc would honestly be far more powerful if he were somebody Stinky Pete knew and trusted, rather than a relative stranger. What little we see of them working together is not nearly enough to establish that they have become close, and the red flags around Len make his betrayal an inevitability rather than a tragedy.

We see Stinky Pete, Len, and Tommy agree to start building a sluice with Len still a nice guy, and then there’s a montage, and the next time we see Len he’s got a beard and is plotting murder.  How much time we skipped I have no idea, but with it went all of Len’s development.  The Painted Hills is a short movie, but other than this one thing it’s very careful to establish things.  It sets up the fact that Bald Eagle is a skilled herbalist and that Tommy knows his grandchildren.  It sets up the pastor and how he knows to recognize Tommy’s horse.  Yet it can’t bother to give us even bits of the most significant character arc in the movie?

The other major disappointment in the story is that Tommy, who ought to be the human hero, is never vindicated.  He tells his story to the pastor, who doesn’t believe him.  When they find Shep later, Len is already dead and they still have no proof that he killed Stinky Pete or tried to poison Shep.  The fact that Len tried to shoot the dog may be a clue, but it’s not the same as discovering the hidden gold or the bottle of poison, or some other bit of material evidence.  For all we know, Tommy tried to tell the story to his mother only for the pastor to assure her that he made the whole thing up.

While I’m here… why does Len re-hide the gold?  Is he hiding it from Shep?  Yes, re-hiding it does cast doubt on Tommy’s story, but he had no way of knowing the pastor was coming.  Why is he so determined to kill the dog?  Does he think she’s going to tell on him?  His behaviour here, including running out into what we’re evidently supposed to believe is freezing cold without a coat on, is entirely irrational, and completely at odds with what he was doing a moment earlier, when he calmly told the pastor that Tommy was making up stories.

The most believable character moment Len has is when he thinks Tommy has died in his fall from the horse.  The shock of this brings him to his senses and he is visibly relieved to find Tommy still alive.  Thoughts of killing the boy vanish, and he takes him inside to come up with another plan. This is also the most captivating moment of the movie, both because it is so well-played and because Tommy is not nearly as annoying as a lot of little kids in old movies.  It also lends credibility and tension to the sequence that follows, in which Len tries to convince Tommy he’s jumped to conclusions.

Unfortunately, this bit stands out so sharply because the rest of the acting is dreadful. Everybody is flat and stagey, just standing around with their thumbs in their belts reciting their lines and trying not to look at the camera.  Bruce Cowling as Len tries to give a physical performance in a couple of spots, inching his way along a narrow ledge or trying to knock the gun out of his frozen hand, but it never works.  It’s always too pantomimey, and the sets are never convincing.  There’s no way we believe he’s in danger of falling and he’s obviously not actually cold.

The only good actor in the movie is, as I already mentioned, the dog.  She’s clearly very well-trained and it’s actually rather hard to watch when she’s supposed to be writhing in agony from the poison.  A big contributing factor is obviously that a dog has to show-not-tell, whereas the human characters do an awful lot of telling.  Kudos to her and to her trainers and handlers.

Besides Time Chasers, the other thing The Painted Hills rather strongly reminds me of is old made-for-tv Disney movies and nature documentaries… things like Lefty the Dingaling Lynx (which for some reason I was obsessed with at the age of six) and White Wilderness (the one with the lemmings – the lemming scene was actually staged in the city where I live).  Something about the technicolour, the lighting, the pretty but unconvincing matte paintings, and the recited line reads all adds up to warm fuzzy childhood memories.

As an adult I realize that these films contained appalling animal cruelty and a fair amount of dark content of their own, but it’s still weird to see the same aesthetic in a dark tale of murder and revenge.  Then again, The Lion King is also a dark tale of murder and revenge, so maybe I’ll get back on topic now.

The theme of this movie, as stated by the narrator over the opening credits, is a dog’s bond with her loving master, so strong that she even avenges his death. Dogs are known to do stuff like this, but the way it’s presented in The Painted Hills makes it look like Shep is less ‘loyal and loving’ and more ‘actually psychic’.  First there’s the way she starves herself while Stinky Pete has a fever and is unable to eat. I could believe her refusing to eat because she’s pining for her human, but the idea of some nonphysical link that specific seems a bit silly.  Same with Stinky Pete’s death – Shep isn’t actually there to see it, she just somehow knows that Len’s responsible.  When she refuses to eat the poisoned food until Len tosses it to her from the table, I was honestly surprised this was not portrayed as her somehow knowing it was poisoned!

The narrator’s speech also left me a bit surprised that Shep actually survives the movie and goes off to live happily ever after with Tommy, especially after the rather shocking shot where we actually see her blood staining the snow from a bullet wound!  The movie had seemed to be leading up to her being able to die at peace having avenged her master’s death and ready to join him in the hereafter.  I’m honestly not sure how I feel about them not going that route.  I mean, nobody likes it when a dog dies in a movie, but having her be fine at the end feels like they chickened out.  I dunno.

‘I dunno’ is really my whole response to this movie.  There’s not enough substance here to be worth the level of thought I have to put into a review.  The fact that it manages to make a revenge movie so colourless would be fairly impressive if I weren’t so bored.

Although I gotta admit… it’s not every day you get to see Lassie just straight-up kill a dude.

[thatsnotcanonpodcasts]

Space Movie, Space Cement & PokeCoin

Nanoo Nanoo.

Ryan Gosling is going back to space for Andy Weir's next book, which isn't even out yet but is already casting actors. This one has a working title of Project Hail Mary and features a lone scientist on a spaceship trying to save the world. Slightly higher stakes than The Martian, but Andy's books are always great.

Astronauts are also going to use pee to build houses on the moon. Let's hope NASA has a large surplus of air fresheners to send up with them, because this cement is probably the most useful way to use human waste on the moon, but it's going to smell.

Back on Earth, Niantic are trying to deflate the Pokecoin economy by severely lowering the minimum wage. Nobody seems to be happy with this, but Australia is just the test site, so it's coming to a phone near you soon.

This week Professor took a trip to a far away planet to care for slimes, and DJ found out what happens when you swim with the cardsharks.

Check in next week for probably less pee jokes. Probably.

Andy Weir’s Space Film starring Ryan Gosling

-https://variety.com/2020/film/news/phil-lord-chris-miller-ryan-gosling-astronaut-movie-1234607851/

Introducing….Piss-ent: the new space cement

-https://www.sciencenews.org/article/astronauts-lunar-exploration-cement-urine-urea-3d-printing

-https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0959652619340478?via%3Dihub

PokeCoin: Gotta cash them all

-https://www.reddit.com/r/TheSilphRoad/comments/glcywi/tales_from_the_front_one_players_experience_with/

Games Played

Professor

–Slime Rancher – https://store.steampowered.com/app/433340/Slime_Rancher/

Rating: 2/5

DJ

–Legends of Runeterra – https://playruneterra.com/en-us/

Rating: 4.5/5

Other topics discussed

The Martian (The Martian is a 2015 science fiction film directed by Ridley Scott and starring Matt Damon. The Martian, a 2011 novel by Andy Weir, served as the screenplay adapted by Drew Goddard. The film depicts an astronaut's lone struggle to survive on Mars after being left behind, and efforts to rescue him and bring him home to Earth.)

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Martian_(film)

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is a 2018 American computer-animated superhero film featuring the Marvel Comics character Miles Morales / Spider-Man, produced by Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation in association with Marvel, and distributed by Sony Pictures Releasing.)

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man:_Into_the_Spider-Verse

Andy Weir (American novelist whose debut novel in 2011, The Martian, was later adapted into a film of the same name directed by Ridley Scott in 2015.)

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Weir

Sean Bean Death Scene Compilation 1986-2016

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnzk5qAaNLk

First Man (First Man is a 2018 American biographical drama film directed by Damien Chazelle and written by Josh Singer. Based on the book First Man: The Life of Neil A. Armstrong by James R. Hansen, the film stars Ryan Gosling as Neil Armstrong and follows the years leading up to the Apollo 11 mission to the Moon in 1969. Steven Spielberg serves as an executive producer.)

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Man_(film)

Interstellar (2014 epic science fiction film directed, co-written and co-produced by Christopher Nolan. It stars Matthew McConaughey. Set in a dystopian future where humanity is struggling to survive, the film follows a group of astronauts who travel through a wormhole near Saturn in search of a new home for humanity.)

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstellar_(film)

Raid: Shadow Legends (freemium mobile and PC game developed and published by Israeli game developer Plarium Games.)

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raid:_Shadow_Legends

-https://raidshadowlegends.com/

Girl being hit by a truck while playing Pokémon Go

-https://time.com/4405221/pokemon-go-teen-hit-by-car/

Pokémon Go disrupt a funeral

-https://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-08-08/pokemon-go-blamed-for-brisbane-funeral-disturbance/7700332

List of highest-grossing mobile games

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_highest-grossing_mobile_games

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery forces you to pay - or wait - to save a kid from being strangled.

-https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2018-04-27-harry-potter-hogwarts-mystery-is-ruined-by-its-in-game-payments

Harry Potter mobile game maker defends child-choking scene which asks you to wait or pay money

-https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2019-05-31-harry-potter-mobile-game-maker-defends-child-choking-scene-which-asks-you-to-wait-or-pay-money

Pokémon Go Hits $3B in Lifetime Revenue

-https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/pokemon-go-hits-3-billion-lifetime-revenue-1250983

Wall-E: Do not Return to Earth Scene played by Fred Wllard

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNXNkdZVqs4

Groucho Marx’s look

-https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/68/Groucho_Marx_-_portrait.jpg

RC2014 is a simple 8 bit Z80 based modular computer originally built to run Microsoft BASIC. It is inspired by the home built computers of the late 70s and computer revolution of the early 80s.

-https://rc2014.co.uk/

Sgt. Slaughter On The Time Andre The Giant Fell Asleep Mid-Match

-https://www.mandatory.com/wrestlezone/news/1060153-andre-the-giant-sgt-slaughter-zzzz

Andre The Giant (2018 TV documentary film based on the life of French professional wrestler and actor André René Roussimoff (better known as André the Giant).)

-https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6543420/

Star Wars Day (Star Wars Day, May 4, celebrates George Lucas's Star Wars media franchise. Even though the holiday was not created or declared by Lucasfilm, many Star Wars fans across the world have chosen to celebrate the holiday. It has since been embraced by Lucasfilm and parent company Disney as an annual celebration of Star Wars.

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Day

An Assemblage of Grandiose and Bombastic Grandiloquents (TNC podcast)

-https://thatsnotcanon.com/grandiloquentspodcast

Heavenly Shows and Unnecessary Letters (TNC Podcast)

-https://thatsnotcanon.com/heavenlyshowspodcast

Shout Outs

15 May 2020 – Fred Wilard passes away at 86 - https://www.forbes.com/sites/marcberman1/2020/05/16/comic-fred-willard-dies-at-86/#5461bf6d7f10

Frederick Charles Willard, was an American actor, comedian and writer. He was best known for his roles in the Rob Reiner mockumentary film This Is Spinal Tap; the Christopher Guest mockumentaries Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, For Your Consideration and Mascots; and the Anchorman films. Willard’s other recurring sitcom roles included Family Matters,Sister, Sister, Mad About You, and Everybody Loves Raymond (the latter which resulted in Primetime Emmy nominations for Best Guest Actor in a Comedy for three consecutive years). He even appeared as the only human character in the animated film "WALL-E," a first for a Pixar film. Willard was one of Hollywood's busiest comedic actors with a career that lasted more than 50 years, playing clueless characters such as sidekick Jerry Hubbard on the satire "Fernwood 2 Night" in the 1970s. He recently finished filming the Netflix series “Space Force,” where he played actor Steve Carell’s father. He died from natural causes in Los Angeles, California.

18 May 2020 – Ken Osmond passes away at 87 - https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/18/arts/television/ken-osmond-eddie-haskell-dead.html

Ken Osmond, who played the duplicitous teenager Eddie Haskell on the long-running sitcom “Leave It to Beaver,” one moment a smarmy young man when talking to parents, the next moment a devilish troublemaker when the adults were out of sight. Mr. Osmond appeared in all six seasons of “Leave It to Beaver,” 1957 to 1963, one of the most-watched television sitcoms of the era, then reprised the role as an adult version of Eddie in the Disney Channel revival series “The New Leave It to Beaver” in the 1980s. After Leave It to Beaver ended in 1963, Osmond continued to make occasional appearances on such television series as CBS's Petticoat Junction, The Munsters, and a final return appearance on Lassie in the episode "A Matter of Seconds" as a motorcycle delivery man who offers the hitchhiking collie a lift in his sidecar. However, he found himself typecast as Eddie Haskell and had difficulty finding steady work. In 2008, Osmond told radio host Stu Shostak in a radio interview, "I was very much typecast. It's a death sentence. In Hollywood you get typecast. I'm not complaining because Eddie's been too good to me, but I found work hard to come by. In 1968, I bought my first house, in '69 I got married, and we were going to start a family and I needed a job, so I went out and signed up for the LAPD. As an officer on motorcycle patrol, he grew a mustache to disguise himself. In 1980, he was shot three times in a chase with a suspected car thief but escaped serious injury: One bullet was stopped by his belt buckle, the others by his bulletproof vest. He was put on disability and retired from the force in 1988. He died from complications of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and peripheral artery disease in Los Angeles, California.

19 May 2020 – Red Dead Redemption Celebrates Its 10th Anniversary - https://www.gamespot.com/articles/red-dead-redemption-turns-10-years-old/1100-6477391/

On May 18, 2010, Rockstar Games released Red Dead Redemption, an open-world Western video game, on the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. Universally acclaimed for its artistry, dramatic storytelling, and freedom of choice, the game sold 17 million copies. But despite the game's reputation today, it's important to remember a time when its success wasn't certain, and Rockstar's developers sought to distinguish it from the studio's prior accomplishments. It subsequently attained a 95 on Metacritic and received over 170 Game of the Year Rewards. It led to a revitalized interest in the Western genre, especially the "Spaghetti Western"revisionist works by Sergio Leone and Sergio Corbucci. And after eight years, players got a sprawling prequel, Red Dead Redemption 2, which built upon and deepened the themes of its predecessor. Taken together, the two games are an American epic about modernization, betrayal, and the demons of the past. The West may be dead, but that won't stop us from reminiscing and keeping its memory alive.

Remembrances

19 May 1825 – Henri de Saint-Simon - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_de_Saint-Simon

Claude Henri de Rouvroy, comte de Saint-Simon, often referred to as Henri de Saint-Simon. He created a political and economic ideology known as Saint-Simonianism that claimed that the needs of anindustrial class, which he also referred to as the working class, needed to be recognized and fulfilled to have an effective society and an efficient economy. He said the primary threat to the needs of the industrial class was another class he referred to as the idling class, that included able people who preferred to be parasitic and benefit from the work of others while seeking to avoid doing work. Saint-Simon stressed the need for recognition of the merit of the individual and the need for hierarchy of merit in society and in the economy, such as society having hierarchical merit-based organizations of managers and scientists to be the decision-makers in government. Saint Simon's conceptual recognition of broad socio-economic contribution, and his Enlightenment valorization of scientific knowledge, soon inspired and influenced utopian socialism, liberal political theorist John Stuart Mill, anarchism through its founder Pierre-Joseph Proudhon who was inspired by Saint-Simon's thought and Marxism with Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels identifying Saint-Simon as an inspiration to their ideas and classifying him among the utopian socialists. He died from suicide at the age of 64 in Paris.

19 May 1935 - T. E. Lawrence - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._E._Lawrence

Colonel Thomas Edward Lawrence, British archaeologist, army officer, diplomat, and writer. He was renowned for his role in the Arab Revolt and the Sinai and Palestine Campaign against the Ottoman Empire during the First World War. The breadth and variety of his activities and associations, and his ability to describe them vividly in writing, earned him international fame as Lawrence of Arabia, a title used for the 1962 film based on his wartime activities. In 1916, he was sent to Arabia on an intelligence mission and quickly became involved with the Arab Revolt as a liaison to the Arab forces, along with other British officers. He worked closely with Emir Faisal, a leader of the revolt, and he participated, sometimes as leader, in military actions against the Ottoman armed forces, culminating in the capture of Damascus in October 1918. After the war, Lawrence joined the Foreign Office, working with the British government and with Faisal. In 1922, he retreated from public life and spent the years until 1935 serving mostly in the Royal Air Force, with a brief period in the Army. For the RAF, he participated in the development of rescue motorboats. In the inter-war period, the RAF's Marine Craft Section began to commission air-sea rescue launches capable of higher speeds and greater capacity. The arrival of high-speed craft into the MCS was driven in part by Lawrence. He had previously witnessed a seaplane crew drowning when the seaplane tender sent to their rescue was too slow in arriving. He worked with Hubert Scott-Paine, the founder of the British Power Boat Company (BPBC), to introduce the 37.5 ft (11.4 m) long ST 200 Seaplane Tender Mk1 into service. These boats had a range of 140 miles when cruising at 24 knots and could achieve a top speed of 29 knots. He died from a traffic collision at the age of 46 in Bovington Camp, Dorset.

19 May 2009 - Robert F. Furchgott – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_F._Furchgott

Robert Francis Furchgott, Nobel Prize-winning American biochemist who contributed to the discovery of nitric oxide as a transient cellular signal in mammalian systems. In 1978, Furchgott discovered a substance in endothelial cells that relaxes blood vessels, calling it endothelium-derived relaxing factor (EDRF). By 1986, he had worked out EDRF's nature and mechanism of action, and determined that EDRF was in fact nitric oxide (NO), an important compound in many aspects of cardiovascular physiology. This research is important in explaining a wide variety of neuronal, cardiovascular, and general physiologic processes of central importance in human health and disease. In addition to receiving the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for the discovery of nitric oxide as a new cellular signal—shared in 1998 with Louis Ignarro and Ferid Murad. Furchgott's discovery, that NO gas causes blood vessels to dilate, provided a long sought-after explanation for the therapeutic effects of Nitroglycerin used to treat Angina pectoris and was later instrumental in the development of the erectile dysfunction treatment drug Viagra. He died at the age of 92 in Seattle, Washington.

Famous Birthdays

19 May 1942 - Gary Kildall - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Kildall

American computer scientist and microcomputer entrepreneur who created the CP/M operating system and founded Digital Research, Inc. (DRI). Kildall was one of the first people to see microprocessors as fully capable computers, rather than equipment controllers, and to organize a company around this concept. Although his career in computing spanned more than two decades, he is mainly remembered in connection with IBM's unsuccessful attempt in 1980 to license CP/M for the IBM Personal Computer. Kildall and his wife Dorothy established a company, originally called "Intergalactic Digital Research" (later renamed as Digital Research, Inc.), to market CP/M through advertisements in hobbyist magazines. Digital Research licensed CP/M for the IMSAI 8080, a popular clone of the Altair 8800. As more manufacturers licensed CP/M, it became a de facto standard and had to support an increasing number of hardware variations. In response, Kildall pioneered the concept of a BIOS, a set of simple programs stored in the computer hardware (ROM or EPROM chip) that enabled CP/M to run on different systems without modification. CP/M's quick success took Kildall by surprise, and he was slow to update it for high density floppy disks and hard disk drives.After hardware manufacturers talked about creating a rival operating system, Kildall started a rush project to develop CP/M 2. By 1981, at the peak of its popularity, CP/M ran on 3000 different computer models and DRI had US$5.4 million in yearly revenues. He was born in Seattle, Washington.

19 May 1944 – Peter Mayhew - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Mayhew

Peter William Mayhew, was an English-American actor, best known for portraying Chewbacca in the Star Wars film series. He played the character in all of his live-action appearances from the 1977 original to 2015's The Force Awakens before his retirement from the role. When casting the original Star Wars (1977), director George Lucas needed a tall actor who could fit the role of the hairy alien Chewbacca. He originally had in mind 6-foot-6-inch (1.98m) bodybuilder David Prowse, but Prowse chose to play Darth Vader. This led Lucas to cast Mayhew, who was working as an orderly in the radiology department of King's College Hospital, London. He became aware of a casting call for Star Wars which was filming at Elstree Studios in Hertfordshire. The 7-foot-3-inch (2.21m) tall actor was immediately cast as Chewbacca after he stood up to greet Lucas. Mayhew continued working as an orderly—at Mayday Hospital (now Croydon University Hospital)—in between filming the original Star Wars trilogy. Mayhew modelled his performance of Chewbacca after researching the behaviour of bears, monkeys and gorillas he saw at London Zoo. Lucas said Mayhew was "the closest any human being could be to a Wookiee: big heart, gentle nature and I learnt to always let him win". The character did not have any lines, the sounds he made being derived from sound recordings of animal noises. While Mayhew portrayed Chewbacca in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, he was not in Star Wars: The Last Jedi but was listed in the credits as "Chewbacca Consultant". He was born in Barnes, Surrey.

19 May 1946 – André the Giant - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andr%C3%A9_the_Giant

André René Roussimoff, best known as André the Giant, was a French professional wrestler and actor. Roussimoff stood at over seven feet tall, which was a result of gigantism caused by excess growth hormone, and later resulted in acromegaly. It also led to his being called "The Eighth Wonder of the World". He found success as a fan favorite throughout the 1970s and early 1980s, appearing as an attraction for various professional wrestling promotions. During the 1980s wrestling boom he was paired with the villainous manager Bobby Heenan and feuded with Hulk Hogan in the World Wrestling Federation (WWF, now WWE). The two famously headlined WrestleMania III in 1987. Outside of wrestling, he was best known for appearing as Fezzik, the giant in The Princess Bride. After his death in 1993, he became the inaugural inductee into the newly created WWF Hall of Fame. He was later a charter member of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Hall of Fame and the Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame; the latter describes him as being "one of the most recognizable figures in the world both as a professional wrestler and as a pop culture icon." Towards the end of his career, Roussimoff starred in several films. He appeared most notably as Fezzik, his own favorite role, in the 1987 film The Princess Bride. Both the film and his performance retain a devoted following. In shoot interviews, wrestlers have stated that he was so proud of being in "Princess Bride", he carried a copy of the movie everywhere he went, to watch whenever he could. Roussimoff has been unofficially crowned "the greatest drunk on Earth"for once consuming 119 12-US-fluid-ounce (350ml) beers (in total, over 41 litres (72imp pt)) in six hours. He was born in Coulommiers, Seine-et-Marne.

19 May 1955 – James Gosling - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Gosling

James Arthur Gosling, often referred to as "Dr. Java", Canadian computer scientist, best known as the founder and lead designer behind the Java programming language. He wrote a version of Emacs called Gosling Emacs (Gosmacs) while working toward his doctorate. He built a multi-processor version of Unix for a 16-way computer system while at Carnegie Mellon University, before joining Sun Microsystems. He also developed several compilers and mail systems there. He is known as the father of the Java programming language. He got the idea for the Java VM while writing a program to port software from a PERQ by translating Perq Q-Code to VAX assembler and emulating the hardware. He created the original design of Java and implemented the language's original compiler and virtual machine. He also invented an early Unix windowing system called NeWS, which became a lesser-used alternative to the still used X Window, because Sun did not give it an open source license. He is known for his love of proving "the unknown" and has noted that his favorite irrational number is √2. He has a framed picture of the first 1,000 digits of √2 in his office. He was born near Calgary, Alberta.

Events of Interest

18 May 1980 – Eruption of Mount St. Helens - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1980_eruption_of_Mount_St._Helens

On March 27, 1980, a series of volcanic explosions and pyroclastic flows began at Mount St. Helens in Skamania County, Washington, United States. It initiated as a series of phreatic blasts from the summit then escalated on May 18, 1980, as a major explosive eruption. The eruption, which had a Volcanic Explosivity Index of 5, was the most significant to occur in the contiguous 48 U.S. states. It has often been declared the most disastrous volcanic eruption in U.S. history. The eruption was preceded by a two-month series of earthquakes and steam-venting episodes, caused by an injection of magma at shallow depth below the volcano that created a large bulge and a fracture system on the mountain's north slope. An eruption column rose 80,000 feet (24km; 15mi) into the atmosphere and deposited ash in 11 U.S. states and significant ash in two Canadian provinces. At the same time, snow, ice and several entire glaciers on the volcano melted, forming a series of large lahars (volcanic mudslides) that reached as far as the Columbia River, nearly 50 miles (80km) to the southwest. hermal energy released during the eruption was equal to 26 megatons of TNT. Hundreds of square miles were reduced to wasteland, causing over $1 billion in damage (equivalent to $3.4 billion in 2019), thousands of animals were killed, and Mount St. Helens was left with a crater on its north side. More than 4,000,000,000 board feet (9,400,000m3) of timber was damaged or destroyed, mainly by the lateral blast. At least 25% of the destroyed timber was salvaged after September 1980. In areas of thick ash accumulation, many agricultural crops, such as wheat, apples, potatoes and alfalfa, were destroyed. As many as 1,500 elk and 5,000 deer were killed, and an estimated 12 million Chinook and Coho salmon fingerlings died when their hatcheries were destroyed.

19 May 1999 – Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace was released - https://www.scifihistory.net/may-19.html

On this day in 1999, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace was released theatrically ... and most of us came crashing understandably back to Earth. Employment consultant firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas estimated that 2.2 million full-time employees missed work to attend the film, resulting in a US$293 million loss of productivity. According to The Wall Street Journal, so many workers announced plans to view the premiere that many companies closed on the opening day. The release on May 19, 1999 of the first new Star Wars film in 16 years was accompanied by a considerable amount of attention. The Phantom Menace was released almost 16 years after the premiere of the previous Star Wars film, Return of the Jedi. The film's premiere was extensively covered by media and was greatly anticipated because of the large cultural following the Star Wars saga had cultivated. It grossed more than $924.3 million (equivalent to $1.42 billion in 2019) worldwide during its initial theatrical run, becoming the highest-grossing film of 1999, the second-highest-grossing film worldwide and in North America (behind Titanic), and the highest-grossing Star Wars film at the time.

19 May 2005 – Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith was released - https://www.scifihistory.net/may-19.html

George Lucas brought his Prequel Trilogy to its tragic close when Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith finally showed audiences what exactly went down when Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker embraced his inner demons and took the path to the Dark Side of the Force. Luke and Leia were born, delivering the film's only true hint of what things would inevitably lead to their father's redemption, but an Empire was forged in darkness once and for all on this day. Its theatrical release in most other countries took place on May 19 to coincide with the 1999 release of The Phantom Menace (the 1977 release of A New Hope and the 1983 release of Return of the Jedi were also released on the same day and month, six years apart).

Intro

Artist – Goblins from Mars

Song Title – Super Mario - Overworld Theme (GFM Trap Remix)

Song Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GNMe6kF0j0&index=4&list=PLHmTsVREU3Ar1AJWkimkl6Pux3R5PB-QJ

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[bdneagle]

The Sequel Trilogy and a Fairy Tale Heroine's Journey.

(I posted this right after TLJ, and I thought it would be worth reposting today)

The Reylo community is a beautiful place let me start by saying that. I have been a part-time meta writer/fanfic writer/silent observer of discourse/and an okay “artist.” It has been a pleasant experience for me over the last two years. I have learned quite a bit about literature, storytelling, cinematography just by being a fan of a fictional couple who I thought had a spark of something. We all invested a lot of time into theory and art of all mediums. I have made friends that I wouldn't have otherwise. The ride has at times been bumpy.

As I sit and try to take in everything in The Last Jedi I admit I am overwhelmed and rightfully so. Rian Johnson has given us so much in this movie to pick through, and over analyze for the next two years. I admit like some of you, I was confused after my first viewing and very conflicted. I wanted Ben and Rey together so badly that when they didn't end up together, I was a bit upset. I was mad at Ben for rejecting Rey, but then I was mad at Rey for rejecting Ben. My emotions were all over the map.

A lot of us felt the same way, some of us freaked out left the fandom, cried in a corner, and some took a minute to really start sifting through the wreckage.

What I have found in that wreckage (as well as many others) is a beautiful treasure. We got way more story than we could have hoped for. It is complex, it is layered and no doubt we will find tidbits of something new while rewatching it until Episode 9.

In this meta, I am going to attempt to shed light on the Heroine's Journey using a fairy tale template if you will. This will hopefully help decipher where we are in this cycle, even though it can at times skip around. I am going to give my full disclosure that I am an amateur. I don’t pretend to be the end all be all super meta writer who knows all of this as fact. I am simply using the Heroine's Journey as a guide and placing my own wet of views on what we’ve been given thus far. I highly recommend at the end of this analysis that you buy a copy of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness by Maureen Murdock. I also suggest you read this blog by Theodora Gross. This is where I get the “template” for the breakdown of a Heroine's Journey as it is usually told in a fairy tale.

*Remember- This analysis is based on the fairy tale stories thus the template I am using provided by Theodora Gross.

The basic break down of a Heroine's Journey in a fairytale setting according to Theodora Gross is this

1. The heroine lives in the initial home.

2. The heroine receives gifts.

3. The heroine leaves her initial home.

4. The heroine enters the dark forest.

5. The heroine finds a temporary home.

6. The heroine finds friends and helpers.

7. The heroine is tested.

8. The heroine dies.

9. The heroine finds her true partner.

10. The heroine finds her true home.

​

Firstly, I am using this example for a few reasons.

JJ Abrams stated that Star Wars is more like a fairy tale or a western. Here is the actual quote from The Force Awakens Bluray commentary.

“This whole location of Maz’s, of course, mirrors the cantina from A New Hope, as this Starkiller Base mirrors the Death Star. These were the kind of locations that felt like a given in Star Wars. For example, we looked at it like a Western or a fairy tale. What are the elements that you’re going to see that makes it this genre, this specific genre? And clearly, in a Western, you’re going to have the dusty main street, the saloon. You’re going to have cowboys. You’re going to have the bad guy, who’s probably dressed in black. You’re probably going to have a castle, and a prince and a princess, if you’re looking at a fairy tale. We wanted to give these sort of, fundamental, not cosmetic, but, sort of, prerequisite elements. These locations in which we can set our new story and our new characters.”

     2. George Lucas has stated Star Wars is for children and it is a fairy tale.

So if we apply Theodora’s template for the Fairytale version of the Heroine's Journey to Star Wars more particularly to the Sequel Trilogy and Rey, we get this breakdown.

 The heroine lives in the initial home

    The Force Awakens introduces us to our heroine, Rey. We get a glimpse into her harsh everyday life by following her through a Star Destroyer in the barren desert of Jakku- a junk planet on the outer rim. She lives alone in an overturned AT-AT working all day just to feed herself. Like most adventures or fairy tales the main character longs for a different life. Rey longs for her family and even watches a ship leave the planet. We see this in Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Cinderella. Another more similar example is how Luke wanted to leave Tatooine and looked longingly at the twin suns wishing for adventure-- this is part of Joseph Campbell's Hero’s Journey and yes there are similarities, but they are not the same at all. But for the sake of Star Wars and this discussion, I’ll throw in these comparisons. 

    The point of this setup is to show the audience how bad the conditions are for our heroine or how they are longing for something - a change, a person, adventure, etc.

“And this idea that she won’t share with him here is, of course, because she feels like the only belonging she’s ever going to have is her family and if she leaves she’ll never get a chance to see them. So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.” JJ Abrams TFA

 The heroine receives gifts.

    Unexpectedly Rey receives a gift in the form of a bright round orange droid- BB-8. This is not the only gift Rey receives. She acquires a blaster from Han Solo, and eventually the Skywalker Legacy lightsaber. I would like to take this moment to note these steps do occur in order. However, storytelling is fluid and just because the heroine receives a gift later in the steps does not void the order of the heroine's journey or take it back a step.

Another example of gifts would be Luke acquiring R2D2 and C-3PO. But he also gets the lightsaber later on. It's important to point out here as well, that in a lot of adventure type stories, we have a Call to Adventure, Refusal of the Call, The Mentor, etc. That is part of myth which is a part of every story in existence essentially in some form.  Please watch these videos for reference (they are a bit long and old), but it goes over the themes and myth integrated into Star Wars. And please remember that George Lucas focused on Joseph Campbell's model of the Hero’s Journey when he first wrote A New Hope. Also yes as George has stated these stories are meant to rhyme. That does not mean they are a play by play of the plot. However, themes are similar, because the message of Star Wars is the same. “It is about love.”

 The heroine leaves her initial home.

    The First Order is hunting BB-8 and forces Finn and Rey to flee the planet for safety. According to Theodora sometimes the heroine is given away, runs away, or she chooses to leave. If the heroine decides to stay her home is destroyed in some way. An example of this is Cinderella. Her happy home is destroyed when her stepmother makes her work as a servant after the father dies.

    In Star Wars Luke chose to leave after the death of his aunt and uncle. Anakin was taken by Qui Gon Jinn (Haaa, Liam Neeson - “Taken” get it- get it? I know I’m lame) and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

 The heroine enters the dark forest.

    Rey runs from the safety of Maz’s castle into a dense dimly lit forest after she Refuses the Call. In other fairy tales like The Lassie, the girl enters the dark forest after losing her temporary home. Sleeping beauty grows up in the forest, and Rapunzel enters the dark forest after leaving her tower.

    The refusal of the call in Star Wars (hero’s journey) Luke initially tells Obi-Wan he can’t leave Tatooine because of his family. Anakin does not want to leave his mother. Since Rey is a heroine her journey is slightly different but similar at the same time. She doesn't want to go on this adventure because she is holding out hope that someone will come for her on Jakku. Looking back in hindsight after viewing The Last Jedi Maz is forcing Rey to face the truth. “I see it in your eyes, you already know the truth. Whoever you are waiting for on Jakku, they’re never coming back.”

    Rey is not ready to face this reality yet. It is this belief that her parents were coming back is what kept her alive for so long. It was a survival coping mechanism that eventually she started to believe. However, deep down she’s always known.

“She’s telling Rey what she needs to hear, which is, “Stop trying to go home, it’s not right, it’s a waste. And that the belonging you seek is not behind you, it’s ahead.” And this is the thing that she can’t accept right now. The idea that she has anything to do with this man that she thought was a myth just this morning, and now here she is being told that his destiny is somehow tied into her choices and her actions. So, when Maz asks her to close her eyes and to feel it and to let it in, she’s not just setting up the moment at the end, when Rey is battling Kylo Ren, but she’s also telling her to stop looking and stop trying to understand and just feel and it is that great lesson of the Force. But she can’t do it. She’s not ready. She can’t take it in.”

 The heroine finds a temporary home

    Now we jump ahead a bit here because stories are fluid and there is no one formula or beat for beat plot that matches a heroine's journey even though they do follow a direct path. Rey’s temporary home in the entire arc of this story is physically Ahch-To and metaphorically the Resistance. If the story ended completely with The Force Awakens, then her temporary home would have been the Falcon and even her friends Han, Chewie, and Finn. But we know this is a trilogy, and the pace of this journey will be slower. Think back to the Hero’s Journey which is integrated into this framework and note that Rey didn't even Accept the Call to Adventure until the end of The Force Awakens.

Theodora notes that the heroine may think she can stay in this temporary home, but she will eventually have to leave again. Snow White's home was with the dwarves who helped care for her. Sometimes in the temporary home, she finds her true partner, but not in the right form or at the right time. Examples Beauty finds Beast in her temporary home, but he is still the Beast, selfish cruel and unkind. Rapunzel meets her prince but loses him again. Cinderella enters the castle to go to the ball, meets her Prince, but it isn't the right time. She has to leave this temporary “home.”

Rey takes up residence on Ahch-To until she can convince Luke to return. Rey knows this is a temporary home because once she succeeds, they will leave. But what is more interesting than anything else and more telling is that Rey meets her true partner, but he is not in the right form nor is it at the right time.

Ultimately Rey loses Ben again. And I want to stress this again the metaphorical home she has with the Resistance still stands. We are in the middle chapter of the story. Rey left the temporary physical home only to still hold onto the Resistance as the temporary home. And before you try to come at me with pitchforks-- when I say the Resistance, I mean it as an organization, not Leia and Finn or Poe. Those people are her friends, but she is seeking shelter in this metaphorical temporary home because Rey does not know fully who she is yet. Yes, she's a Jedi, but what is her place in all this? Wage war on the FO as the mascot Jedi for the Resistance? Or is it to find the true meaning of the Force, and try to establish some sort of balance with Ben Solo. Remember Luke played this role of legendary Mascot and embraced it-- it led to failure, hubris and the creation of Kylo Ren. Rey’s story is so much bigger than your standard Jedi or weapon of the Resistance... sorry got a tiny bit sidetracked here but you get my point. 

The heroine finds friends and helpers.

Luke fills this role to a T albeit begrudgingly. The heroine finds them and enlists their aid by being kind to them and giving them what they need. Later on, they help her when she is forced to leave her temporary home.

Rey finds Luke and tries to enlists his help by telling him she won't fail he like Kylo Ren. Rey attempts to reassure Luke that she can do what Ben could not and at the same time pleads with him to help his sister, Leia. Luke does indeed help Rey after she flees Ahch-To by facing Ben on Crait. Giving her a chance to save her other friends (who have also helped her along the way Finn, Poe, Leia etc.) and what was left of the Resistance.

The heroine is tested.

    Heroines can go through agonizing periods of testing. Rey is tested in The Force Awakens when she fights Kylo Ren. She is tested on Han’s freighter when she has to figure out how to help Han escape the gangs. She is tested when she goes up against Kylo in the interrogation room.  Make no mistake about it,  Rey will still run through the test and trials all the way up to the end of Episode 9. So what were her trials or test in The Last Jedi? If you thought The Force Awakens was tough on her, The Last Jedi was downright brutal and with good reason.

Most of Rey’s tests are not physical in The Last Jedi like they were in The Force Awakens.

The first test is to convince Luke Skywalker to return- she fails.

She fails at her Force training (according to Luke) when she goes straight to the dark and doesn't even try to stop herself.

In the cave when she asks the mirror to see her parents. The cave reveals Rey's deepest fear- she is alone, her parents are gone. But this test in the cave does have its positives even though it devastates her. It is forcing her to confront the truth she already knows - They are dead, and they were nobody.

Rey faces her biggest test in The Last Jedi when she refuses Ben's hand. At this point, Rey has already seen a vision of Ben’s future. It moved her to tears and prompted her to seek him out against all odds. When Rey realizes, Ben isn't in his true form she has to reject him. She begs him to not go down the path. But again it's not the right time yet. This is the part of the fairy tale/heroines journey where she loses the Prince/Partner again.

Although this is heartbreaking for both her and Ben the test does have its positives. Rey finally accepts the truth about her past with Bens help albeit he was a little harsh. But he also makes Rey say it. He doesn't lead the conversation by saying they sold you for drinking money, then forces her to admit it to herself. He prompts her to say it FIRST, then he confirms what they did/or his interpretation of the events. Notice Rey does not correct him. Rey learns to let go, even if it does means she has to let him go too.

 The heroine dies.

    Attached to the test and trials (again according to Theodora Gross) is a journey into death. Persephone's journey into the Underworld, Snow White’s temporary death/ deep sleep in the glass coffin. Sleeping Beauty and her hundred year sleep.

    Rian does an excellent job showing us visually Rey’s death, during a time of testing. Rey ships herself into essentially Hell (Snoke represents the Devil) in an escape pod that looks like a coffin. Again visually this is stunning, it ties in Snow White’s death and Persephone’s journey into Hell. Also one could tie in Psyche’s descent into Hades. It all represents death.

    In Star Wars we see literal death and metaphorical death. Han Solo went under a Sleeping Beauty type death. The trope was subverted, and the Princess woke the sleeping “Prince” giving him a kiss at the time of his awakening. There are other “clues” that give a nod to Han Solo’s slumber and Reys metaphorical death. The escape pod also says Property of Han Solo. Rian specifically asked for it to be written on the coffin-shaped escape pod. You have to stop and ask yourself why? General Audience viewers are not going to know it says that or even see that anything is written on it so why bother? Because Rian is telling a more in-depth story here. Nothing he has done throughout this entire movie is without thought and purpose.

What is the purpose of the death of the heroine?  Well, let's think about what happened to cause Rey to run to the other side of the Galaxy-- and descend into the metaphorical underworld, to begin with. What was happening? Luke wasn't teaching her the way she thought he would. It was proving to be difficult especially once she learned the truth behind his self-imposed exile. Luke refused to get involved, his way was not working for her. Rey wanted to act.

According to because the Heroines Journey Project in this step, the new way of life is too limited.  Success in this new way of life is either temporary, illusory, shallow, or requires a betrayal of self over time.

Wouldnt be Rey be betraying everything she stands for (Hope) if she just stayed away like Luke wanted her to? To give in, to let Ben Solo’s fate remain on its current destructive course? That is not Rey, it isn't what she represents in Star Wars at all. The purpose of this metaphorical death is to shed away this ideology Luke had about himself and about the Jedi.  

 The heroine finds her true partner.

    We have not reached this point in the story. The Last Jedi ends with the heroines death (step 8). But we will get here in episode 9 and since there are only two steps left I say that is fitting for Rey’s overall arc.

    In this step the partner is in his true form, the beast has transformed into the Prince. Theadora notes that in fairytales it may not seem like much of a love story because most tales are told shorthand (the prince dances with the princess three times) But lucky for us Star Wars although forced to tell such a story shorthand has and can do it. The core to this step in the journey is that the heroine and the partner recognize each other.

   For Ben and Rey this could mean that they finally see each other clearly. Recognizing that the balance is not all Light or all Darkness. Or that both light and dark live in both of them. Perhaps they realize that both sides of the war are wrong and the only real way forward is through love and acceptance.

The heroine finds her true home

    Rey had to leave her initial home to find her place in the world. This could be with Ben, Finn, and the rest of the Resistance which she has coveted as a second family or perhaps will occur in Episode 9. In fairy tales, Belle can finally live with the Beast, and Cinderella can live in the castle with her Prince.

    There is usually a partner in these situations although it is possible to end the story without one. However, considering the heroine's journey, and the theme of Star Wars I believe we will get a happy ending for both Rey and Ben.

I’ll leave this quote from Theadora’s blog here.

“If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of the heroine finding her true partner (does she really need a man to be her partner?), you can think of it as a metaphor. The true partner is also the other side of herself, so the story shows us the integration of the feminine and masculine, human and animal, sides of the personality. I don’t know, really: I just know that the partner is usually there, that the heroine is eventually united to a prince. Perhaps it means that a union with the right other is one of the highest things we can achieve in this life, perhaps it’s about unity within the self. Either way, it seems to be part of the story.”

If you have read other meta on the Anima and Animus, you’ll understand that reference that I bolded above. Rey and Ben fit the Anima and Animus profile, I can’t express that enough. The theme of The Last Jedi throughout marketing was Balance. We have been given very blatant clues about the balance of the Prime Jedi First Order. The symbol on the floor of the temple was pretty close to a Yin and Yang symbol. We know that The Art of The Last Jedi had concepts of Rey seeing Kylo on the other side of the mirror in the Dark Side cave. Rey and Ben have been mirrors of each other since The Force Awakens. (I go into depth on Kylo/Ben’s mirror cave here). You can see it in their choreographed fighting at the end. They emotionally mirror each other (both are lonely, and were isolated). They are coded in dark and light clothing. Even when Ben speaks to Rey its as if he could be talking to himself in a mirror. This happens in both Episode 7 and 8.

The merging of the Anima and Animus is paramount to the end of a Heroine's Journey. Only then can they be complete. Rian has repeatedly stated (paraphrasing) They are both two sides of the same coin two halves of the protagonist. For Rey and Ben to not come together in balance at the end of Episode 9 would be odd, to say the least.

I've seen arguments that Ben has to die or endure some type of harm to be redeemed. But to that, I throw this line at them. “It isn't about fighting what we hate, it is saving what we love.” - Rose Tico

Sure, Ben will continue to suffer, as Rey will continue to go through trials but only until they recognize each other. I don’t think Ben has to be mortally wounded or die to gain redemption. Star Wars is about Love.

From a storytelling perspective, we’ve had a tragedy and redemption in death. Ending the Sequel trilogy (a heroine's journey) with redemption in death is repetitive and doesn't fit the structure. It is my own personal opinion that we will get happy ending with redemption in life.

[class-wom]

Jan-Michael Vincent, who starred in such action fare as The Mechanic, White Line Fever and TV's Airwolf before a raft of personal problems and illness sent him on a downward spiral, has died. He was 73.

Vincent died Feb. 10 of cardiac arrest at Mission Hospital's Memorial Campus in Asheville, North Carolina, according to his death certificate obtained by The Hollywood Reporter.

Vincent had a very public battle with drug and alcohol abuse and his career was already on the wane when he was drunk and involved in a 1996 car accident in Mission Viejo, California, that broke his neck and damaged his vocal cords.

Twelve years later, Vincent was in another car crash, then contracted an infection that led to two sections of his right leg being amputated. He spent his final years broke and living in the South.

Things were much different in the mid-1970s, when Vincent was poised on the cusp of superstardom. A chiseled heartthrob with a mane of flowing hair, he capitalized on his hunky image by appearing shirtless in photos and on the big screen, and the agent who discovered him also discovered James Dean.

Vincent portrayed up-and-coming characters in Michael Winner's The Mechanic (1972), as the too-ambitious protege of contract killer Charles Bronson; in Vigilante Force (1976), as Kris Kristofferson’s brother; and in Hooper (1978), as a stuntman mentored by Burt Reynolds.

Vincent also starred as a popular high school jock opposite Joan Goodfellow in the tragic love story Buster and Billie (1974), directed by Daniel Petrie, played the rebel trucker Carrol Jo Hummer in the violent White Line Fever (1975), and went along with being mistaken for a Marine Corps hero in Baby Blue Marine (1976).

After a bit of a career lull, the blue-eyed Vincent played naval officer Robert Mitchum's black-sheep son and wooed Ali MacGraw on the acclaimed ABC 1983 miniseries The Winds of War, adapted from Herman Wouk's best-selling work of 1930s fiction.

He then was cast as Stringfellow Hawke — the pilot of a high-tech, CIA-created Bell 222 helicopter and the brother of a missing Vietnam vet — on Airwolf, created by TV action maestro Donald P. Bellisario. The series, which also starred Ernest Borgnine, aired from 1984-86, and Vincent at the time was among the highest-paid actors on television.

But with all his troubles, his career would never be the same after Airwolf.

"He had tremendous natural ability, and that was his curse," David Grove, author of the 2016 book Jan-Michael Vincent: Edge of Greatness, said in a January 2017 podcast interview with Phil Hall. "When you are born with natural ability, there's a tendency to get by on that. It's like a well; when it's dry, there's nothing left, because you've never worked to build that foundation."

Vincent was born in Adams, Colorado, on July 15, 1945, and raised in Hanford, California, about 30 miles south of Fresno. His father, a bomber pilot in World War II, owned a sign-painting business.

Vincent graduated from Hanford High School in 1963, went to Ventura College in Southern California when he wasn't surfing and served with the National Guard. He then met Dick Clayton — who had discovered Dean, Lee Majors, Tuesday Weld and many others — and the talent agent got the virile youngster into the training program at Universal Studios.

In 1967, Vincent was in a Hardy Boys TV movie and made his movie debut opposite Robert Conrad in the Mexico-set The Bandits. A year later, he guest-starred on Lassie and Bonanza, appeared in Universal's Journey to Shiloh and was a regular on Danger Island, a serial that ran on Saturday mornings on The Banana Splits Adventure Hour.

After working opposite John Wayne and Rock Hudson in The Undefeated (1969) and playing Lana Turner's son in the short-lived ABC drama The Survivors, Vincent won notice when he played a hippie-type Marine opposite Darren McGavin in the 1970 ABC telefilm Tribes.

He then played Mitchum's son for the first time in Going Home (1971).

In his '70s heyday, Vincent also starred as a Tarzan-like character in Disney's The World’s Greatest Athlete (1973) and appeared in the well regarded endurance horse race actioner Bite the Bullet (1975). He also toplined the post-apocalyptic Damnation Alley (1977), and in John Milius' Big Wednesday (1978), he played a self-destructive surfer, a role perhaps too close to home.

Vincent reportedly was Universal's choice to portray oceanographer Matt Hooper in Jaws (1975), but Steven Spielberg went with the more-nerdy Richard Dreyfuss instead. (The character was a studly guy in the Peter Benchley best-seller on which the movie is based.)

Vincent appeared in Buffalo '66 (1998), but most of his final efforts were lower-budget actioners and thrillers, many of which went straight to video.

Survivors include his wife, Patricia.

Duane Byrge contributed to this report.

[jack-andthestalk]

Bad Decisions

Chapter 1

This is is my first attempt at I hope will be a multi part fanfic, obviously please say if you would like more ..

“Sassenach, did ye no hear me?

Clarie looked at him with a blank expression and prehaps a little annoyance in the look.

“Sorry Jamie, did you want me?

“Aye I was asking did you want to come with the rest of us to mill later for a dip”?

“Eh no, sorry Jamie I can't, if you’ll excuse me Im running late”

And with that she waved her beautiful head of curly hair and disappeared down the corridor. Jamie's stomach tightened He knew there was something seriously amiss with Claire this past few weeks but this was probably the first time she had blanked him so, she couldn't even bear to look at him.

The rest of the day he spent going over how wrongly he had assessed his plan in order to win Claire’s affections, he had long sought her attention, and had recently been inspired by a story Rupert had told him on winning his girlfirends Lizzie heart, and put his plan into action.

Claire lived on the border of his familys land, her uncle had bought several acres from his father about 6 years ago and with that Claire Beauchamp had swanned, flew or glided into his life...she was even at a young 12 years old the most beautiful thing he ever clapped his striking blue eyes on and although he didn't recognise it straight away, he later learned that he was falling in love with her while they struggled through their teenage years. But it was a big bridge to gap trying to turn them from childhood friends to something more as the years went on and Claire grew into a young woman it was hard to ignore her beauty, she was a fire cracker too in temperament too and extremely intelligent. But they had the awkard almost brother sister relationship due to their neighbour status and given that she was his sisters best friend, it only made it harder to get her to see him in any other light than the boy next door.

When Rupert began one night telling him over the stolen whiskey from his father Brian's stash, how he had eventually got lizzys attention , Jamie thought it was genius! he felt like alarm bells went off in his head. Lizzie Rupert’s girlfriend and long time crush simply had never noticed him so after Rupert began dating a string of lassies in senior year, it quickly got lizzies interest and the rest is history, they were now inseperable.

Jamie thought this was gold! He himself knew he could turn lassies heads, his height and build had come into their own the past couple of years and he worked hard in the gym and the football pitch to keep his fitness in top form. His red hair just made him stand out further, so he began his quest to date a few lassies from their year in the hope that it would have the same effect on Claire as it had on Lizzie.

He began with gusto after Hogmanay , he was nearly thinking he might not have to after His father Brian asked Claire and her uncle to spend Hogmanay with his family, he had spent a lovely holiday with Claire . Eating and drinking and lying on the couch in the family room watching movies with Jen and Ian, she had leaned up against him and he had slid his arm around her shoulder, he was in heaven . Later that evening he had grumbled over the sentimental movie Jenny had picked and she had laughed and looked up from his shoulder saying ‘poor baby’ in her cute little English accent, she was staring straight into his eyes so without conscious thought more a magnetic pull he had bent down and put his lips to hers beautiful full warm lips, and was just about to start exploring each other’s mouths when Jenny jumped up and turned on the lights making them jump apart. Damn Janet! God for the few seconds it lasted was like bliss He was sure he had turned her heart a tad after this but once they went back to school she had been quiet with him again and returned to their previous friendship status, so as he fought against the idea of dating others he eventually decided to start the dating game ...

The first few lassies were nice enough girls and he had no problem bringing them to the movies or for a bite to eat but they weren’t Claire and he missed her. He continued on though , a few times just in order to get right under her nose he had brought a date along with their mutual gang of friends , and although she was quiet with him and hoped he had seen a little bit of longing in her eyes she was nothing but courteous and even friendly to the lassies he had tag along.

Well that was until he had brought along the latest and last of his dates. Laoighaire Mc Kimmie, he had known Claire disliked her through school not sure exactly the reason but Laoighaire was the type of girl pleasant enough to the lads but didn’t exactly encourage female companionship, so he just put Claire’s dislike down to that. Laoighaire was pleasant enough to have on your arm and while she was a long way off Claire’s striking beauty she was a Bonnie enough wee thing. He had gone to a few of the lassies beds but that was more his cock in action than him and although the ending was the same he didn’t exactly feel any of them had set him alight . Not the way he felt when he only looked at Claire never mind having her in his bed .

Well it all went wrong after he brought Laoghaire out a few times, Claire left early the first time and didn’t rejoin the gang after that. He soon blew Laoghaire off , and Claire after much persuasion from Jenny rejoined the group outings but she all but ignored Jamie despite his constant invitations or try at flirtation .

That evening after thinking on Claire’s last reaction to him he could take no more and as much as he loathed to get her advise he knocked softly on his sisters door to seek her advise on the matter, as far as he was aware Jenny wasn’t aware of his true feelings for Claire but he could simply broach the subject as a concerned friend ... or that was the plan .

“Come in, oh Jamie what’s up?”

“Eh Jenny, I was just wondering ... Em .. the thing is..”

“Spit it out brother !!”

“I was just em wondering if you knew if there was .. eh .. something up with Claire?”

If Jenny was expecting this question she hid it well under her slanted blue eyes identical to his own .

“Wrong with her? In what way brother?”

Christ she wasn’t going to make this easy!

“Well it’s just she seems to be nearly off with me or something , I can’t quite put my finger on it but she seems to be running away from me every time I see her”

“Oh”

Jenny clearly knew exactly what was wrong .

She lowered her head and pressed her lips together.

“Well I’d imagine it’s to do with Laoghaire”

For a minute his heart soared so maybe his plan had worked if Claire was jealous over Laoghaire . Maybe she still thought he was seeing her, maybe she had engaged in the game to show him what he was missing .. well she needn’t bother with that, he knew fine well already..

“Oh right Jenny I see”

“Do ye though brother?”

“I think so aye, she isn’t keen on me dating the lassie”

“Well maybe that is partially it’ she replied hesitantly ‘but it’s more that you’ve hurt her truly’

Hurt her! Christ he hadn’t thought of that. Claire was too strong willed to have a bit of childish jealousy hurt her. God that was never his intention...

‘Jenny why ... eh what I mean to say is ..

Before he could continue Jenny cut him off.

‘It’s not the dating it’s the person you picked’ she continued. She looked at Jamie as if he could either be mad or stupid.

‘Oh right.. well I Dinna intend on seeing Laoghaire again so il explain that to her..’

‘Jamie I can tell you don’t know the full truth of it so I’m going to explain it to you like you’re 3’

He raised his eyes here but eager for her to continue ..

Laoghaire has treated Claire terrible since she joined our school 6 years ago has done all types of terrible unmentionable acts , wrote on the bathroom walls how Claire is a slut and to be honest that’s the mildest example’ tripped her up in public, called her names in front of the class, she has bad mouthed her to almost all of the football team , although I Dinna think that put any of them off wanting to date Claire’ she continued but that was Laoighaire’s intention.

The last part made Jamie’s heart twist, it never occurred to him that while he played his dating game he had stiff competition from nearly all of his team mates for Claire’s heart! Christ what if she ...

Jenny was on a role though, so she continued to explain as if he was three..

‘In general though she made Claire’s life a living hell’

Jamie wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

“Christ Jenny you cannae think I knew any of this.. I would never .. ever have involved myself with the lassie had I known ..’

‘Aye Jamie I ken that but it nae the point is it?’

‘Janet .. please explain to her I Dinna ken ..’

‘Jamie’ she stopped him.

‘Claire is the loyalist sole I know to her it shouldna mattered what Laoghhaire exactly did to her or if you knew the details of it ..you kenned well Claire didn’t like her, of all the girls you could have picked Jamie what possessed you to pick her!!’

Jenny was exasperated she looked like she wanted to kill him. He didn’t blame her oh god what a fool he was. He couldn’t answer her last question.

The answer stuck in Jamie’s throat, he couldn’t bring himself to confess to Jenny why he had chosen Laoghaire to get Claire’s attention , he already felt enough of a fool.

His heart was literally hurting in his chest. Oh god how would he ever make Claire see.

Jenny maybe having seen his crest fallen expression continued a little more softly.

‘Jamie if the shoe was reversed and Claire kenned someone you mistrusted she would never give them the time of day.. you know she turned down Tom Christie because she knows you dinna like him, Claire told him as much that was on account of her friendship with you, so when you had Laoghaire on your arm he took great delight in chastising her that you dinna return her loyalty, Claire just kept her head held high even though through those weeks you were seeing Laoghaire , she still picked on Claire and pulled her stupid silly tricks. Tell ya the truth Jamie I wanted to knock her out cold but Claire wouldna let me. Claire is too dignified . God even Ian, Angus and Rupert are annoyed at you for bringing that girl around our gang Claire hasn’t been the same since!

Jenny spat the last sentence at him,Jamie actually had a lump in his throat and he wanted to cry.

The look on his sisters face told him there was something else , at this stage he knew he had tears in his eyes so Jenny hesitantly continued but he knew she had to say it that this conversation had been on Jenny’s mind for longer than he realised . She loved Claire and was absolutely 100% raging with him for hurting her so.

‘Jamie’ she said at last ..

‘Of all the girls you dated for God’s sake Laoighaire is the one girl that is the least discreet .. do ye no think that even I have heard about you taking her to bed ? you honestly think Claire escaped Laoighaire taunting her of what it felt like to have you ?

‘Jesus Jamie!’ You do even ken the damage you’ve done to yer friendship.

Jamie thought he heard his heart break

[greatvanheflinkennethtobeypie]

Hi @latimes @latimesmobile-blog,

Listen To The Breaking News and Top Stories!!

This is The Whole Untold Story Of The Great Actor Kenneth Tobey:

Early years

Kenneth Jesse Tobey was born in 1917 in Oakland, California. According to the United States Census of 1930 for Oakland,13-year-old "Kenneth J." was the eldest of three sons of Jesse V. Tobey and his wife Frances H. Tobey. That census also documents that Tobey's father was an automobile-tire salesman and that young Kenneth was of Irish and Russian ancestry. His paternal grandmother's parents were both natives of the "Ireland Free State", and his mother's parents were born in Russia, although they apparently had immigrated to South America, where Frances Tobey had been born and where in her youth the preferred language spoken in her family's household—again documented in the census—was Spanish. Following his graduation from high school in 1935, Kenneth was headed for a career in law when he first dabbled in acting at the University of California Little Theater. That stage experience led to a drama scholarship, a year-and-a-half of study at New York's Neighborhood Playhouse, where his classmates included fellow University of California at Berkeley alumni Gregory Peck, Eli Wallach, and Tony Randall.

During World War II, Tobey joined the United States Army Air Forces, serving in the Pacific as a rear gunner aboard a B-25 bomber. Throughout the 1940s, with the exception of his time in military service, Tobey acted on Broadway and in summer stock. After appearing in a 1943 film short, The Man of the Ferry, he made his Hollywood film debut in the 1947 Hopalong Cassidy western Dangerous Venture. He then went on to appear in scores of features and on numerous television series. In the 1949 film Twelve O' Clock High, he is the negligent airbase sentry who is dressed down by General Frank Savage (played by Gregory Peck). That same year Tobey performed in a brief comedy bit in another film, I Was a Male War Bride. His performance in that minor part caught the attention of director Howard Hawks, who promised to use the thirty-two-year-old actor in something more substantial.

The Thing from Another World



In 1951, Tobey was cast in Howard Hawks' production The Thing from Another World. In this classic sci-fi film he portrays Captain Patrick Hendry, a United States Air Force pilot, who at the North Pole leads a scientific outpost's dogged defense against an alien portrayed by James Arness, later the star of the television series Gunsmoke. Tobey's performance in Hawks' film garnered the actor other parts in science fiction movies in the 1950s, usually reprising his role as a military officer, such as in The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953) and It Came from Beneath the Sea (1956).

Television



Tobey appeared in the 1952 episode "Counterfeit Plates" on the CBS series Biff Baker, U.S.A., an espionage drama starring Alan Hale, Jr. He was cast too in the 1954-1955 CBS legal drama The Public Defender, starring Reed Hadley. He guest-starred in three episodes of NBC's western anthology series Frontier. His Frontier roles were as Wade Trippe in "In Nebraska" (1955) and then as Gabe Sharp in "Out from Texas" and "The Hostage" (1956). In 1955, he also portrayed legendary frontiersman Jim Bowie on ABC's Davy Crockett, a Walt Disney production, with Fess Parker in the title role. After Bowie's death in the series at the Battle of the Alamo, Tobey played a second character, Jocko, in the two final episodes of Davy Crockett.

Tobey then, in 1957, appeared in the syndicated religion anthology series Crossroads in the role of Mr. Alston in the episode "Call for Help" and as Jim Callahan in "Bandit Chief" in the syndicated western series The Sheriff of Cochise. Later that same year, Tobey starred in the television series The Whirlybirds, a successful CBS and then-syndicated adventure produced by Desilu Studios. In it he played the co-owner of a helicopter charter service, along with fellow actor Craig Hill. The Whirlybirds was a major hit in the United States and abroad, with 111 episodes filmed through 1960. It remained in syndication worldwide for many years.

In 1958, Tobey also appeared as John Wallach in the episode "$50 for a Dead Man" in Jeff Richards's NBC western series Jefferson Drum. In 1960, he guest-starred in the episode "West of Boston" of another NBC western series, Overland Trail, starring William Bendix and Doug McClure. He performed as well in the ABC western series The Rebel, starring Nick Adams. Tobey made three guest appearances on Perry Mason, twice in 1960 and once in 1962 as Jack Alvin, a deputy district attorney. On the long-running western series Gunsmoke, he portrayed a cruel, knife-wielding buffalo hunter, Ben Spadden, in the 1960 episode titled "The Worm". Tobey in 1962 also guest-starred on another western series, Lawman, playing the character Duncan Clooney, an engineer who seeks to move a shipment of nitroglycerin through Laramie, Wyoming. When the town is evacuated to allow passage of the explosives, two of Clooney's employees decide they will take advantage of the situation to rob the bank.

Tobey guest-starred as well in Jack Lord's 1962-1963 ABC adventure series about a rodeo circuit rider, Stoney Burke. In 1967 he performed on the series Lassie, in the episode "Lure of the Wild", playing a retired forest ranger who tames a local coyote. He also appeared as a slave owner named Taggart in "The Wolf Man", a 1967 episode of Daniel Boone, starring Fess Parker. A few of the many other series in which Tobey later performed include Adam-12 (1969), Gibbsville (1976), MV Klickitat (1978), Emergency! (1975), and Night Court (1985).

He became a semi-regular on the NBC series I Spy as the field boss of agents Robinson and Scott. Christian Nyby, director of The Thing From Another World, often directed those episodes. Tobey also portrayed a ship's captain on the Rockford Files, in an episode titled "There's One in Every Port".

Other films

In 1957, Tobey portrayed a sheriff in The Vampire (a film that some sources today often confuse with the 1935 production Mark of the Vampire). That year he also appeared in a more prestigious film, serving as a featured supporting character with John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara, the co-stars of John Ford's The Wings of Eagles. In that film, Tobey—with his naturally red hair on display in vibrant Metrocolor—portrays a highly competitive United States Army Air Service officer. In one memorable scene he has the distinction of shoving a piece of gooey cake into the face of John Wayne, whose character is a rival United States Navy aviation officer. Not surprisingly, a room-wrecking brawl ensues.

Tobey's work over the next several decades was increasingly involved in television productions. He did, though, continue to perform in a range of feature films, such as Stark Fear, Marlowe, Billy Jack, Walking Tall, The Howling, the war movie MacArthur (in which he portrays Admiral "Bull" Halsey), Airplane!, Gremlins, Big Top Pee-wee, and Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

Broadway

Although Tobey had a busy acting career in films and on television, he also periodically returned to the stage. In 1964 he began a long run on Broadway opposite Sammy Davis, Jr., in the musical version of Clifford Odets' play Golden Boy. Some of his other Broadway credits are As You Like It, Sunny River, Janie, Sons and Soldiers, A New Life, Suds in Your Eye, The Cherry Orchard, and Truckline Cafe.

Later years

As his long career drew to a close, Tobey still received acting jobs from people who had grown up watching his performances in sci-fi films of the 1950s, particularly Joe Dante, who included the veteran actor in his stock company of reliable players. Two appearances on the sitcom Night Court came the same way, through fans of his work. Along with other character actors who had been in 1950s sci-fi and horror films (John Agar, Robert O. Cornthwaite, Gloria Talbott, etc.), Tobey starred in a spoof originally titled Attack Of The B Movie Monster. In 2005, Anthem Pictures released the completed feature version of this spoof on DVD under the new title The Naked Monster. Tobey's scenes in that release were actually shot in 1985, so The Naked Monster is technically his final film credit, being released three years after his death. He had, however, continued to act throughout most of the 1990s. One of those notable roles is his performance in the 1994 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode "Shadowplay" as Rurigan, an alien who recreates his dead friends as holograms. Among other examples of Tobey's final decade of work are his two appearances as Judge Kent Watson on the series L.A. Law.

In 2002, Tobey died of natural causes at age 85 in Rancho Mirage, California.

[ifishouldvanish]

The Boston Hour (10/?)

In which Belle is an Antiques Roadshow super-fan and Gold is her favorite appraiser.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rumford basks in the after-glow of his date with Belle. Back in Storybrooke, Belle has lunch with her father, who's curious to know how her trip to Boston went. RATING: T WORDS: 6,858 A/N: Kind of a stitch chapter, so not much plot to speak of. Just got back from vacation in Vienna and wanted to get something posted since it’s been forever. TMI’s here - [x].

[Part One] [Part Two] [Part Three] [Part Four] [Part Five] [Part Six] [Part Seven] [Part Eight] [Part Nine] [Read on AO3]

Ruby hit send and glanced up from her phone's screen once she noticed Belle and Rumford step outside of the hotel. He was resting his hand on her lower back as they walked, and the two of them were too busy gazing and smiling at each other to pay the world around them any mind. Someone bumped Rumford's shoulder, and he didn't seem to notice. A second later, someone else bumped into Belle and she only stumbled closer to him. She blushed, and he smiled, and she smiled, and he smiled even more. He then pointed out the small steps that lead to the sidewalk and took her hand, carefully guiding her down each one like a god damned boy scout helping an old lady cross the street– only he couldn't take his eyes off of her and wound up stumbling a little himself.

“Jesus Christ.” Ruby muttered to herself as she watched the whole thing. “That’s fucking adorable.”

Rumford looked up, eyes panning the street as he searched for the car, and Belle pointed happily in Ruby's direction where she sat in the loudly idling Mustang. He made a surprised face, and Belle nodded, and he smiled. Again.

Ruby was pretty sure she'd never seen two people smile so damned much.

He opened the door for her and helped her into the passenger seat, but not without Belle hesitating and pressing a kiss to his cheek first– which made him blush profusely, of course. They exchanged about two dozen variations of 'thank you’, ‘I had a lovely time’ and ‘ have a safe trip ’ before Ruby had to cut them off and pull out into the road already.

Belle's head turned as they drove off– her gaze fixed on Rumford's rear as he turned back and headed for his rental car. Ruby felt a little bad, but there was no way in hell she was going to get suck in Boston traffic on the way home, and the window for the optimal departure time was closing fast.

“So… that looked like one hell of a kiss.” Ruby teased. “Didn't think you kids had it in you.”

“Oh.” Belle coughed and tore her eyes off of his arse, opting instead to stare blankly at the windshield. “Well, he was um. H-he's a good kisser?” she stammered.

Ruby watched the blush rise to her cheeks and grinned with amusement. “...Uh-huh.”

“W-we shared ice cream.” Belle said.

“Right…” She noticed the shopping bag at Belle's feet and pointed at the red rose poking out of it. “So, whatcha got there?”

Belle blinked out of her trance and gasped. “Oh! Ruby, you're not going to believe this!” The plastic bag rustled as Belle dug through it and pulled out three notebooks. They looked to be falling apart, and Ruby knit her brows as she watched her hastily flip through the pages of one of them. “We think whoever these journals belonged to, they must have been the same person who illustrated Her Handsome Hero!” Belle said. “Look!”

Ruby pulled up to a red light and took a moment to look at the drawing Belle had opened the journal up to. She might not have been a connoisseur of the arts by any stretch, but the resemblance was certainly undeniable. “Holy shit, that is cool.”

“I'm gonna translate these and see if they say anything useful, and share my findings with Rumford!” she bubbled excitedly, the smile on her face the widest Ruby had ever seen.

“My precious little nerd...” Ruby smiled. “I was actually talking about that though,” she said, pointing at the rose.

“Oh!” Belle giggled and put the journals away, plucking the rose out of the bag instead. She held it up to her nose and closed her eyes, giving it a long, indulgent sniff. “...It's from Rumford.” she sighed wistfully.

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Ruby snorted. “But I mean, how'd he go about it? Set the scene for me, Belles. Take me there.”

Belle gasped and pressed her lips together as if struggling to keep a secret, then glanced over her shoulder and leaned in closely as if to share one. “After we found those books, I had to pee.” she said. “And when I got back from the bathroom, he was waiting for me with it? And I was like, ‘is that for me?’ and he was like–” she paused and lidded her eyes, deepening her voice. “...If you'll have it. ”

“Nice!” Ruby nodded and hiked her brows. It was kind of a miracle either of them could stand within ten feet of each other without exploding, after all.

“So of course I accepted it! And I said thank you, and I kissed his cheek… and just...” Belle trailed off and looked down at the rose, rolling its stem between her fingers. “...He's perfect.”

Ruby scoffed.

Belle snapped up and turned to face her again. “I mean I knew he was perfect, but he's even more perfect than I thought which shouldn't even be possible? But he just– he raised the bar for the standard of perfection. ...Like, you know how the ancient Greeks believed man was the measure of all things?”

The light turned green and Ruby pulled forward. “Not really, but go on.”

“Well, Rumford is the standard by which all other men in my life are measured.”

“...Gotcha.” she said. “You know, us lay folk call 'em life ruiners.”

Belle pouted her lips and tilted her head, weighing the term. “But he’s not ruining my life. He's…” she threw her head back and sighed, “...bringing magic into it.”

“Well, I'm glad,” Ruby laughed, then slammed on the brakes as someone cut her off. “Asshole!” she muttered, flipping them the bird.

“Anyway, enough about me!” Belle said. “Tell me about Dorothy– Miss I-Spent-The-Night-In-Her-Hotel-Room…” she teased, wiggling her brows.

The scowl on Ruby's face curled into a smile. “Oh, it wasn't a big deal, really…” she mumbled despite the warmth she was already feeling in her cheeks. “I told you– She got kinda drunk, so I drove her back to her hotel… walked up to the room with her... I kept her company for a bit, and then we put some cheesy sci-fi movie on on Netflix and made fun of it.”

She and Dorothy had each other in stitches last night, providing their own silly commentary on how quickly and predictably the heroine fell for the cliche macho protagonist, the deus ex machina that was introduced at the last minute to save the day, and how much better the whole thing would have been if they’d just made the heroine gay– because there was no other explanation for the way she looked at the brunette scientist who was introduced in the second act.

“Mhmm…” Belle smiled, nodding along as she listened.

“Anyway.” Ruby shook her head. “There might have been some light cuddling… and then we passed out.”

There was a stretch of silence before Belle finally asked, “...And?”

Ruby paused to check her mirrors before switching lanes, glad to have the excuse of driving so she could avoid eye contact. She didn't get smiley and goofy after the first date. That was for dorks, and she was cooler than that. “And what?”

“That's it?”

“Hmm…yeah, pretty much.” she shrugged.

“Pretty much?”

“...Yup.” Ruby nodded and cleared her throat. It wasn't untrue. That really was all that had happened last night. But what no one needed to know was how much she enjoyed the cuddling, and that there actually had been a kiss this morning.

Belle was already onto her, though.

“Actually, at one point, she did start showing me pictures of her dog.” Ruby said, changing the subject.

Belle's expression melted in an instant. “Aww! What kind!?”

Ruby huffed out a relieved little laugh. “Rough Collie?”

“Oh my God!” Belle gasped. “Those are so floofy!”

“Yeah, the dog has nicer hair than I do.”

“What's his name? Please tell me it's Toto or Lassie!”

“Those were my first guesses too!” Ruby said. “But her name is Marlene.”

Belle frowned. “That's an unusual name for a dog.”

“She’s named after the late great Marlene Dietrich, who was like, super gay.” Ruby chuckled.

Belle sputtered a laugh and shook her head. “Okay, but like, did you guys… you know...”

Ruby glanced over her shoulder and moved over another lane. “Did we what?”

“Oh come on, Ruby! You know what I mean!”

“Nope. No idea.”

“Fine.” Belle huffed and rolled her eyes. “...Was there a kiss?”

“A kiss?” she asked, her nonchalant tone betrayed by the smirk on her face. “Oh, yeah. Kiss, yeah.”

Belle groaned in frustration and she laughed.

“We kissed this morning before I left. It was… nice.”

“Nice?”

“Well, what do you want me to say!?” Ruby snapped. “Wasn't anything like your steamy, semi-public make out– it was just a nice, simple, first date kiss!” she said, cringing at how fast and high-pitched her voice had suddenly become.

“So there's gonna be a second date, you think?”

“I don't know!” she cried and threw a hand up on the air. That all depended on how Dorothy would respond to the text she'd just sent, but Ruby was feeling pretty good about it. Mostly. “...Maybe?”

Belle drew a deep gasp. “Oh, you like her...”

“Well, duh. ” Ruby huffed and tried to stay focused on the road. “I wouldn't have asked her out if I wasn’t interested, you nut.”

“Yeah, but–” Belle giggled, “you really like her.”

“So?” She said, staring a hole into the car in front of them.

“Nothing. I just think you guys were cute last night.”

Ruby slouched in her seat, making herself small. “Yeah well– you and Rumford should just like... Shut up and get married already, because that's how stupid and cute you are.” she shot back bitterly, as if it were an insult.

“Aw…” Belle smiled. “You think we're stupid and cute?”

“Ugh. Yeah. It's gross.” Ruby muttered, trying to keep a straight face. “Just watching him walk you the car, I almost lost my lunch.”

There was a sudden buzzing sound from the dashboard, and Belle beat Ruby to her phone.

“No texting while driving, Rubes.” she teased, holding it out of her reach. “Good thing you have your best friend in the whole world here to check your messages for you though, right?”

Ruby huffed and rolled her eyes. “Okay. Fine. What does it say?”

“It's from Dorothy…” she sing-songed and wiggled her brows. “She says, ‘sounds good. See you there.’ With a popcorn emoji, the um… upside-down smiley face... and sparkles!”

A smile crept across Ruby's face. Dorothy lived in Portland, and so there was no reason they couldn't see each other again. And again. And well– actually date.

“You're gonna see a movie together!?” Belle asked. “What movie!?”

“I dunno… one of the theaters in Portland does screenings of classic movies on Thursdays or something.”

“Aw… She's a movie buff, isn't she?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ruby mumbled.

But oh, she was. She totally was. Ruby left the hotel this morning with a list of movie recommendations a mile long. Dorothy had been pretty reserved while they were at the bar, but once they'd started scrolling through Netflix, she was chattering away about her favorite actors, her favorite directors, how amazing the script for one film was, and how incredible the cinematography was in another. She'd called about a dozen films “her favorite movie of all time” and if it were possible, Ruby would have gladly stayed in that hotel room for two weeks straight, cuddled up next to Dorothy while they watched and rewatched every single one of them.

“Okay,” Ruby said. “Text her back… ‘Can't wait,’ with um…”

“A winky face?”

“No… the one that's like, smirking?”

Belle clicked her tongue. “Got it.”

“And sparkles.”

“Sparkles.”

*****

Neal tilted his head and squinted as they finished the trek across the airport parking lot, and Rumford couldn't tell if he was staring at him or if the sun was just in his eyes.

“You seem… different.”

Ah. Staring, then.

“Well, I suppose I do feel different.” Rumford said.

That was an understatement. Two days ago, he'd kissed Belle French– he practically felt like a new man. A better man. He still put his trousers on one leg at a time, of course– but he stood a little taller, chose his tie with a little more pride in the morning, preened in the mirror a little longer. The fact that he was at the airport for the second time in two days? Couldn't bring himself to mind.

“You're… I don't know. More relaxed. Loose in the joints. You got like… a swagger to ya.” Neal said, hoisting up his luggage and hauling it in the trunk of the Cadillac. He drew a sudden breath and spun around, clasping his hand over his mouth. “Oh my God– You totally got laid.”

Rumford waited for him to step aside so he could close the trunk with a satisfying click. “Got what, now?”

“You did the do with that lady!” Neal laughed, walking over to the passenger door. “Oh my God, that's gross, Pop! I mean, I'm happy for you– but gross.”

A smile crept across Rumford's face as he headed for the driver's side. “If by 'did the do’ you mean, ‘spent a lovely afternoon antiquing together’ then yes. I'm afraid we did it all day long, son.”

Neal narrowed his eyes at him for a moment and climbed into the car with a sigh. “Why am I not surprised?”

“What?” Rumford asked, following suit.

Neal fastened his seatbelt and turned to face him. “You still at least kissed her though, right?”

“Yes. We ah... kissed. On the lips.”

“Like a kiss, or a kiss?”

Rumford stopped fastening his seatbelt and froze. “Ah…”

Was there an appropriate way to say, we started to make out in the hotel lobby and almost knocked the décor over amidst the heat of our passion?

“It was… thorough.” he said, starting the car and cranking up the air conditioning. Took a moment to loosen his tie. Tug his collar.

“...Thorough?” Neal scowled and turned all the air vents away from him, wrapping his arms around himself. “Let's pretend I didn't ask and you didn't just say that.”

Rumford coughed and gripped his hands on the wheel. Yes. They would pretend he never said that. His boy always did have a good head on his shoulders.

“So, like… is she your girlfriend now?” he asked.

“I– I don't know.”

“What do you mean, you don't know?”

“I mean I don't know! We didn't… discuss that.”

“You are really bad at this.” Neal said. “Like, astoundingly bad.”

Rumford huffed and let that roll off his shoulders. Things with Belle had felt so easy, so natural– Once he got past his rampant anxiety and self-doubt, at least. And even when he had been reduced to a stammering, blundering mess, she still smiled and invited him out. For all his worry, they'd had a wonderful time together. He'd made her blush and laugh, and she'd said he was cute and called him her favorite. Twice.

They'd see each other again. Belle sounded quite sure of that, and in retrospect, he was starting to feel it too.

“Well, I think this woman might beg to differ.” Rumford said, a smug little grin tugging his lips. “You know, perhaps your father isn't as hopeless as you think.”

Neal gave him a sidelong look.

“All I'm saying– and will say– is that she gave me every indication that she enjoyed herself and would like for us to see each other again sometime. Sooner rather than later.”

“...Uh-huh.” Neal slumped in his seat and fished his phone out of his pocket. “Well, you better not screw this up, 'cause I want a chance to meet this woman,” he laughed. “I mean, she's gotta be like, the biggest nerd to see you talking about musty old books and fancy vases and think, ‘Look at that fine hunk o’ man right there... Mm! I wouldn't mind gettin’ myself a piece of that.’”

Rumford scoffed, and he raised his chin a little at the realization that that had been what happened– more or less. Belle could have easily charmed any one of the dozens of appraisers on the show. But she'd chosen him. Looked at him and thought, 'Yes, I want that one.’

The notion made him feel downright giddy, and the tingle he'd felt in his chest after their appraisal, after their chat when she'd invited him out, after their walk together, all bubbled inside him anew. Yes, yes. He very much felt like a new man indeed.

“You know–” Rumford stretched his arm behind the passenger seat and looked over his shoulder as he began backing out of the parking spot. “A good verbal appraisal can be... an incredibly erotic experience, Neal.”

Neal stopped swiping on his phone and looked up at his father in mortification. “...What?”

“I'm talking about someone showing you something that's terribly personal to them, and for you to understand it better than they do,” Rumford explained coolly, putting the car back in gear and squaring his shoulders. “To teach a perfect stranger something about themselves and their past through their possessions… To inform them that something of theirs is priceless. Valuable. ...Desirable . You can tell a great deal about someone by the things they hold onto, you know? When you appraise these things, it can be… not unlike a seduction. You bare one's soul to them, and well– if the conditions are right– reveal your own in the process.”

Neal wrinkled his nose and scowled at him. “Pop, what the hell are you talking about?”

A good question, Rumford thought. What the hell was he talking about?

Ah, yes.

The sultry look in Belle's eyes while he told her about the trends in book cover design during the late nineteenth century. The look of open lust they shared as he described the defining characteristics of the illustrations in her book. For, surely, that had been the dizzying sensation he felt– the magnetic pull of animal attraction between two strangers. So visceral, so raw. At the time, he'd trembled in the face of it all– a meek, innocent bairn. But now? After that kiss? He was a man experienced in all the ways of desire. Touched by the hedonistic thrill of completely losing oneself in another without any intention of ever being found.

“...Pop?”

Rumford shook his head and cleared his throat, finally meeting his son's baffled gaze. “You’ll understand when you're older, son. Now get my wallet out so I can pay for the parking.”

Neal blinked. “O-kay…”

The rest of the ride home consisted of an account of all the things Rumford had bought for the shop while he was at the market with Belle, several impersonations of the other passengers on Neal's flight, and the customary stilted conversation about Milah and her latest beau. In the time it took to get home, Rumford only had to remind his son to watch his language twice, which was... progress, and he didn't even have to remind him to wipe his shoes on the mat before stepping inside the house.

“Dude. It's clean in here.” Neal observed as he stepped into the foyer.

Rumford struggled to pull the keys out of the lock for a moment. “Oh.”

Yes, that.

The second he'd gotten home Sunday evening, he’d turned his study upside-down, gathering all of his sources on Les Reines des Ténèbres, making copies, and stuffing them into an envelope addressed to the Storybrooke Public Library– though not without adding a few personal touches like a handwritten note, of course.

But once that was ready for the post, Rumford found himself in a mood . Or perhaps more accurately, a panic. He didn't know how soon to expect a call to arrange a visit from Belle, but the mere thought of her seeing the sorry state he lived in was enough for him to start cleaning. The bar for what qualified all his trinkets as “worth holding onto” had raised enough that in an hour, he had three boxes full of junk to throw out– or rather, three boxes full of possible inventory to put in the capable care of Miss Halloran. She'd packed the van up with glee late last night, thanking him enough times that he actually started to believe he was paying her a kindness, and not just dumping all his shite onto her lap so he could wipe his hands of it all.

A good employee, Miss Halloran. He'd have to give her a raise.

“Aye, well, you know… just tidying a bit.”

“A bit?” Neal asked skeptically, poking his head into the next room. “Where'd all that shit in the living room go?”

“Oh, some went in the shop, some in the storage unit.” Rumford dismissed. “...And how many times do I have to tell you to watch your mouth?”

“Sorry.” Neal sighed. “But for real, Pop– The place looks nice.”

“Y-you think?”

Thank God.

“Yeah, I mean… you even got rid of all those busted watches on the dining room table.”

“Well, ye know.” He mumbled, beginning to feel embarrassed by his own enthusiasm. “M-Miss Halloran took those. She has more time for them than I do, I'm afraid.”

“Huh.” Neal looked at him again, the same way Rumford himself might look at a piece of mid-century modern furniture.

Was never a fan.

“And all this has nothing to do with this lady you're totally dating?”

“She might be visiting some time in the coming weeks, yes.” he answered casually, smoothing out his tie and uselessly prodding at his pocket square.

“...Right.” Neal said. “Well, let me know when, so I can make plans to be as far away from this house as possible that night.”

Rumford clicked his tongue and scoffed. “We'll just be going over some translations, son.”

That was a lie. He had every intention of sweeping Belle off her feet. Wooing her with… whatever the hell it was that had convinced her to ask him on a second date. Demonstrating to her how remarkable he found her. Kissing her again. Yes, yes. Another kiss. That would be good.

Neal arched a brow at him. “Going over some translations? Is that what you academics call it?” he said, and Rumford blanched.

The nerve! The impudence! Where had he gone so wrong as a parent to deserve a son so saucy as this!?

Milah. Clearly her doing. After all, she's the one who had convinced him to try pot when they were in grad school. You're too high-strung, she'd told him. You need to relax.

All lies, of course. The devil at work. And Heaven knew what sort of corruption she was up to now.

“Dude, you're totally gonna make her dinner.” Neal teased.

Rumford rolled his eyes. “Well, of course I'll make her dinner!”

His aunties always taught him that the notion that it was exclusively a woman's place to slave over a hot meal for a man was misogynist propaganda put forth by the white patriarchy, and that the fastest way to anyone's heart was through their stomach. Considering how delighted she was by the food selection at the flea market, Belle seemed to be no exception.

“Are you gonna light candles?” Neal asked.

Rumford huffed and ushered him up the stairs. Should he? “Go... unpack your things!”

Neal laughed his way upstairs with his luggage. “You should put on some jazz records too!” he shouted.

“I-I-I–” Rumford stammered. Coltrane? Ellington? “...Maybe I will!”

Neal's footsteps slowed to a stop as he reached his bedroom , followed by the soft and distant (though very distinct) sound of him flopping heavily onto his bed. Rumford spun on his heels and started toward the liquor cabinet. He needed a drink.

You know, to relax. Was starting to feel terribly high-strung. A neat scotch would do nicely. He readied a glass and brought it to his lips, but the sound of footsteps returned.

“...Hey.” Neal called softly from the landing. “Dad?”

Rumford spun back around with a smile and returned to the stairs. Here it was– For all his sassy remarks, Neal was still his boy, after all. Still had the grace to apologize. Admit his wrongs. Do his father proud.

“What is it, son?”

Neal snorted, and Rumford immediately closed his eyes, resigning himself to his fate. “Do you let her call you Rumford,” he laughed, “...or Barbara?”

Rumford snapped a finger at him. “You're grounded.”

“What!? You can't ground me!” Neal whined.

Rumford pressed his lips into a thin line and narrowed his eyes at him.

“...Yeah okay, maybe you still can,” Neal mumbled, retreating back up the stairs.

Rumford opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a vibration in his pocket. He slid his phone out as it continued to ring and checked the screen. David.

His eyes darted back and forth between the phone and his moping son for a moment until he finally let out a sigh. “Neal?”

He stopped his trek up the stairs and spun around. “Yeah?”

“You're no’ bloody grounded,” Rumford said. “Just– Know when to give your old man a break sometimes, aye?”

Neal smiled and happily continued up the stairs, and so Rumford returned to his scotch and took his call.

“...David.” he answered.

“Hey, bud!” David greeted warmly. “What's up?”

Rumford blinked owlishly. Bud. They were buds.

“David.” he said again. “Uh… H-how are you? Mary Margaret? Emma?” But why was he asking all the questions? David was the one who'd called him.

“Good, good. Look–” David said, “I just wanted to give you a call and see how your uh, date went.”

Ah, there it was.

Date. Date. Date.

“Yes. Yes, it ah… went well. Went well.”

"Good! That's great!” David said, and he actually sounded like he meant it. Like he was happy for him and like he actually enjoyed talking on the phone.

Incredible.

“It was two dates, actually.” Rumford corrected him. Not because he was boasting about having gone on two dates with the most stunning woman he'd ever laid eyes on– no, no– but because it was important to keep the facts straight and omit nothing. Old habits died hard, and such was the life of the personal property appraiser.

So, two dates with Belle French.

Not one.

But Two.

Dates.

With Belle French.

“Oh, wow! Really?” David asked.

‘Really?’ Rumford thought bitterly. What the hell was he implying with that incredulousness?

“We went to the flea market Sunday.” he added, a little more defensively than he intended to. “Spent the day there.”

“That must have been nice, man. I told you you could do it!”

Rumford opened his mouth to speak, but realized he didn't know what to say to that. Admit to his friend– his bud– that he had been right all along? That all his panic and worry had been for nothing?

Over his dead body.

“So…” David said, “anything happen? Any spark--”

“Yes.”

Silence.

“Kiss, I mean.” Rumford blurted, clearing his throat and leaning against the liquid cabinet. “There was a–” he bumped into the decanter, sending it teetering over the edge– and his heart nearly leapt out of his throat as the image of his aged scotch spilling onto his prized Bakhtiari rug flashed before his eyes.

He caught the decanter mid fall and felt his soul return to his body.

“There was a kiss.��� Rumford finished breathily, his heart still pounding in his chest from the crisis he'd just narrowly averted.

“A kiss…” David baited.

He took a deep breath. “Aye.”

“Well, do you think you'll see her again?”

“Oh, I hope so.” he answered right away, and a smile tugged at his lips.

“Hey– Some enthusiasm!” David said. “I like it!”

“She's brilliant.” Rumford said, smiling fondly at the decanter.

“Yeah? What's she like?” David asked.

“The first day of spring.” he said, the words leaping out of his mouth.

“Oh. That's… nice.”

“The first bit of warmth you feel when you step outside on a clear day.” Rumford continued. “She is the sun, David. She is the sun, and I am the first bloom of spring– ready and eager for the sustenance she provides with her smile, her laughter.”

“Wow. That's… that's really beautiful, Rum.”

“And yet–” he began running a finger over the lotus inlay on the surface of his liquor cabinet, “she is the flower, and I am the bee.”

“Oh.” David stammered. “Well, okay.”

“Sweet. Luring. Tempting. Vibrant to the eye. Soft to the touch...” Rumford took a sip of his scotch and sighed.

The way she nibbled her lip, the way she walked so gracefully in those impossible heels. The seductive manner in which she had eaten that churro. And had her voice been not unlike that of a siren while she described the symptoms of disease in plant life? Yes, yes– Belle French was desire itself. Sensuality personified.

“...You still there, bud?”

Rumford coughed into his glass. “What now?”

“Nothing, nothing. Was just starting to think thought I lost you there,” David chuckled awkwardly. “But I'm glad things worked out for you, man.”

“Aye. They did. Thank you.” he said, quickly grabbing his glass and downing the rest of his scotch.

“Anyway… how's Neal?”

“Oh, wonderful, wonderful…” Rumford smiled. “As sarcastic as ever.”

*****

It was day three since the single greatest moment of Belle's life: meeting Dr Gold. She'd gone on not one date with him, but two. Gotten to know him. Kissed him (thoroughly!). Made plans to make plans to see him again. She hadn’t gotten any calls or texts from Rumford yet, but that was probably just because he was really busy. Perhaps she could call him saturday night after his show in Richmond and they could talk about how her translations on those journals were coming along, what he appraised at the show, or what each other are wearing and what they might do if they were together– like have tea and read poetry.

It was like the start of her very own romance novel.

Oh! How she'd been replaying their kiss in her mind every waking (and not waking) moment. It had been pure magic. Clearly, her and Rumford were just meant to be. Soon, she'd be introducing him to her father and figuring out what to get him for Christmas. Or maybe he didn't celebrate Christmas. Maybe he was Jewish. Was he Jewish?

It was a loud smack! that finally pulled Belle out of her thoughts. She startled, her heart pounding in her chest, and noticed the large tome that had fallen face down on the display she was setting up on the front table. She reached to pick it up with a sigh, knocking over another book in the process. Smack!

Her phone began buzzing rhythmically, inching across the table with each pulse of vibration. She swiped it up and checked the screen.

Reminder - Lunch with Dad.

“Oh!” Belle gasped and rushed to right her two fallen books, then scurried into the back room to grab her purse.

Papa was already waiting for her when she arrived at Granny's, as were their usual Coke and iced tea. Ruby didn't hesitate to strut over to their table, the smile on her face a little too eager. Her father would be asking her all about Boston today, and Ruby had bet her twenty bucks that it would be a disaster.

“Belle, Mr French-- Always a pleasure.” Ruby greeted with a nod, readying her notepad and flashing a shark-like smile. “What'll it be?”

Belle's father looked up from his menu with a quick, polite smile. “I'll have a cheeseburger. Medium rare–”

“Papa…” Belle shot her father a chastising glare across the table and Ruby stopped scribbling on her notepad. “The doctor said–”

“I know what the doctor said!” Moe grumbled, rolling his eyes. “God, what's the point of living longer if I can't… live a little!”

Belle opened her mouth to protest, but only sighed instead.

“He's got a point.” Ruby chimed in.

“Thank you.” Moe said with a vindicated smile.

“Fine.” Belle said, glaring at Ruby before reaching across the table to take her father's hand. “Just… promise me you'll be good the rest of the week?”

He returned a pained expression and sighed. “I promise.”

Belle narrowed her eyes at him. “I mean it, papa. No fast food for lunch.”

“I promise!” he said, throwing his arms up.

“We can go to the store tonight and get you some things so you can pack your lunches.” she suggested. “Pick up some turkey, some whole grain bread. Lettuce, tomato…”

“Needs bacon and swiss.” Ruby added.

“Or provolone.”

“No!” Belle huffed, holding up a finger at the both of them. “No bacon! And you need to watch your dairy!”

Ruby shrugged and looked at Moe. “I tried.”

He gave her a tight-lipped smile and handed her his menu. “Cheeseburger. Medium rare. …With bacon.”

“You got it, Mr French.” she winked, jotting it down and turning to Belle.

Belle's eyes skimmed the menu over and over, repeatedly drifting back to the word cheeseburger. But she couldn't order a cheeseburger now. No, no.

“I’ll um, have… the uh…”

Salad. If she wanted her father to start eating right, she was going to have to lead by example. Normalize healthy choices. The Caesar salad was good, she thought. But wasn't the dressing so fattening as to defeat the purpose? Dammit. Dammit. “The um… the grilled chicken and avocado salad.” she said before she could change her mind.

Ruby scowled and wrinkled her nose.

Her father reeled back in offense. “Grilled chicken and avocado salad!?”

Belle threw her hands over her face and groaned. “Excuse me for trying to set a better example!” she cried. “You think I don't want a cheeseburger!? Cause I'd love a cheeseburger!” she shouted. “But I try to eat healthier around you so you don't feel left out eating a turkey sandwich while I sit across from you and wolf down a double cheeseburger with extra cheese and extra bacon and extra everything!”

Ruby and her father blinked owlishly at her as she huffed and puffed, recovering from her outburst.

“Princess.” Moe said. “If you want a cheeseburger, just order the damn cheeseburger.”

Just order the damn cheeseburger? Just order the damn cheeseburger!? And ‘princess!?’

“Fine!” she said. “Then I will! With fries! Extra fries! And I want bacon on mine too! And throw in an order of onion rings while you're at it!”

Ruby fought back a snicker and scribbled her order down. “I'll have that right out for you guys,” she grinned, plucking the menu from Belle's hands and strutting back to the kitchen.

“So… how was Boston?” her father asked.

Belle took a large sip of her iced tea and nodded as she slowly set it back down. “It was um… It was good.”

“Good...” he repeated, not sounding too satisfied with her response. “So you got to see that... fella you're always on about?”

She took another swig. “Mhm!”

Moe frowned and drummed his fingers on the table. “Well, is that it? I thought I'd be hearing about it for a month, is all.” he chuckled rather stiffly.

“Well…” Belle glanced down at the condensation puddling around her glass, blushing and smiling despite herself.

We flirted with each other on national television and I invited him out for drinks and proceeded to drunkenly come onto him and maybe sort of made out with him the next day.

She cleared her throat. “He um, said Mama's book could be worth a small fortune.”

“I see…” Moe nodded along, bringing his Coke up to his lips and taking a long sip.

“And um, well, he was really sweet and charming and I um… or he um– well, I'm not really sure who actually asked who but uh… We went on a date afterwards!” She blurted gleefully.

“You wha–” her father gasped and began choking on his drink.

“Oh– Papa!” Belle climbed halfway out of her seat before he gestured for her to sit back down.

“Fine.” he coughed into his fist. “M’fine!”

“Are you sure you're alright?”

He nodded and took a moment to finish his coughing fit. “Fine, princess.”

“O-okay…” she said, finally easing back into her seat. Was feeling a little too tense to roll her eyes at the princess this time.

“I-I'm sorry–” Moe stammered, “a-a-a date, you said?”

“Yes…” she answered simply, stirring her straw with intense focus.

“Now, when you say a date–”

“We went to a bar and had a few drinks.” she shrugged, trying to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal. To make a molehill out of what he was definitely trying to make into a mountain. Perhaps they'd cancel out into a… modest hill. A hillock.

It was close enough to the truth, at least. Papa didn't need to know the part about how she got drunk before Rumford had even shown up and all the… advances she made.

“Right.” he said.

“H-he was a perfect gentleman,” she rushed to assure him, catching herself and shoving her glass away. “And Ruby was there the whole time.”

“Uh-huh.”

“We um… well, we had really good time and we went to the flea market Sunday for like… another.” she said. “Date, I mean. A-another date. Oh papa, it was amazing!” Belle blurted, and clamped a hand over her mouth.

Gosh, darn it. She could never temper her excitement around her favorite topics: books, Rumford, puppies, and food. In that order.

Moe pursed his lips. “How old is this man again?”

“Oh. Uh…” Belle looked down at her lap and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I mean, he can't be a day over forty… seven… ish?” she mumbled. “...Fifty, maybe? ...Tops fifty, definitely.” She nodded.

Moe leaned forward and blinked. “Fifty!?”

“I said not a day older! He could be...  forty-two?”

“So you don't know?”

“Not exactly… but you know what Mama would say,” she chuckled uncomfortably, “...age is just a number?”

Moe shook his head. “I don't like the sound of my little girl going on a date with some man from TV who's old enough to be her father.”

“Oh, now papa,” Belle snorted and rolled her eyes. “He's not that old...”

He scoot forward in his seat and tapped a finger on the table. “You know, it's just that these men, they probably show a good time to a new girl in every city.”

She sank into her seat a little. “He’s not like that–”

He glanced furtively around the diner and whispered, “I just hope you didn't give him what he was really after, Belle.”

“Papa!”

“Look, I get it. You have a little... crush on the man, but you're not getting any younger, Belle. You can't keep wasting your time mooning over some TV man like that when, well... you and Greg made a lovely–”

Belle smacked her hand on the table, cutting him off. “Greg was total jerk who was only looking for someone to… to fellate his ego!”

The diner fell silent, but Belle refused to glance around at all the faces that were definitely staring at them. Couldn't ignore Ruby snickering by the soda fountain though.

“He what?”

“My date with Rumford was the best date I've ever been on!” Belle said, putting her foot down. “He actually listens to what I have to say and asks for permission before he kisses me!”

“Maybe it was.” Moe conceded. “But I think if you're expecting to ever hear from him again, you're only going to be disappointed.”

“But we made plans…” she mumbled, shrinking in her seat.

“Alright,” he shrugged. “Then where? When?”

Belle thought back to her conversation with Rumford at the hotel and frowned. “Well… plans to make plans.”

Her father sighed. “Exactly.” he said, leaning back victoriously in his seat. “I'm sorry, princess.”

“No.” she said, lifting her chin up. “You're wrong about him.

He had to be. Rumford had been far too sweet, far too nervous– and the kiss they'd shared far too magical– for him to be the sort of man Papa thought he was.

“Well, for your sake, princess, I hope I'm wrong.” he said.

“I would appreciate it if you'd stop calling me princess.” Belle said before she could talk herself out of it. “I don't like it and I never have.”

Moe scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You always used to love it when I called you princess!”

Belle folded her arms over her chest and huffed. “When I was a child!” she said. “I am a twenty-eight year old woman and I won't tolerate being infantilized a moment longer!”

Her father blinked owlishly, and as Belle glanced around the quiet diner again, she could tell she had said those words entirely too loudly. She heard a familiar, stifled laugh from the kitchen and looked down at the fist she'd slammed on the table with a sigh.

She owed Ruby twenty dollars.

A/N: TEA nominations are underway! If you'd like to support my work, you can be a rockstar and spread around the promos I've been posting here - [x]. Thank you all for your comments and encouragement on this story! :*

[papermoonloveslucy]

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE OFFICE

S6;E16 ~ January 14, 1974

Directed by Coby Ruskin ~ Written by Fred S. Fox and Seaman Jacobs

Synopsis

Harry sells the business, but immediately has regrets. When the new boss (Don Porter) gets everyone arrested for running a bookie operation, Lucy and Kim scheme to get the agency back for Harry.

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter / “Mrs. Pierpont Skyler of the Pasadena Skylers”)

Guest Cast

Don Porter (Ken Richards) previously played Mr. Devery on “The Ann Sothern Show” (1958-61), a Desilu production. In 1958 Lucille Ball guest-starred as Sothern’s friend Lucy Ricardo who tries to play matchmaker between Devery and Sothern’s character Katy. He had also appeared on Sothern’s previous show, “Private Secretary” (1953-57). In 1974, Porter appeared with Ball in Mame, playing snooty Mr. Upson, father of her nephew Patrick’s intended, Gloria. Later that same year, Porter appeared with Lucille Ball again in the teleplay “Happy Anniversary and Goodbye.”  

George Chandler (Winston Shelby) made five films with Lucille Ball between 1938 and 1946. His final TV appearances was in 1979 having accrued more the 450 screen credits. He is probably best remembered as Uncle Petrie Martin on “Lassie” (1954-56).    

Shelby says that his business is selling household appliances through the mail, but he is actually acting as a bookie.  

Billy Sands (Billy, left) played Lucy’s milkman in both “Lucy’s Lucky Day” (S4;E15) and “Lucy’s Punctured Romance” (S4;E22).  Sands began his professional acting career in 1946 when he appeared on Broadway with Spencer Tracy in Robert Sherwood’s Rugged Path, but he eventually became a television character actor who appeared regularly as Dino Papparelli on “The Phil Silvers Show” and as ‘Tinker’ Bell on “McHale’s Navy.”   John Wheeler (Hank, right) was yet another actor Lucille Ball worked with on the movie Mame. Other musicals include the TV version of Wonderful Town in 1958 (his screen debut) and Sweet Charity (1969). In both cases he was in the New York stage productions and came to Hollywood to work on the screen versions.

Dave Morick (Plainclothes Police Detective) played police officers on various television shows. He was frequently seen as a background player on “Hogan’s Heroes” (1966-71). 

Neil (Mrs. Skyler’s Kitty Cat, uncredited) was brought up on milk.  

Bentley the chauffeur (the lion’s handler), and two uniformed policemen appear uncredited and have no dialogue.

The title is a paraphrase of the catch-phrase “Meanwhile, back at the ranch.”  The expression originated as a stock subtitle in silent movies and at first the reference to the ranch was literal. Later, as the phrase became a cliché, it was used more and more loosely and with a growing sense of mockery or levity.

Lucy says a depressed Harry looks like a recruiting poster for Forest Lawn. Forest Lawn Memorial Park (aka Cemetery) is located in the Hollywood Hills neighborhood of Los Angeles. Due to the many celebrities buried there and the tourists that visit their graves, it has gained a reputation as a “theme-park necropolis.” When Lucille Ball died on April 26, 1989 she was buried at Forest Lawn, but three years later was moved to the family plot at Lake View Cemetery in Jamestown, New York. George Chandler (Mr. Shelby) is entombed at Forest Lawn’s Glendale location, the first of their six properties.    

When Harry shows up at the newly-purchased office, the frosted glass doors now read “Richards Employment Agency” and “Ken Richards Manager.”  However, the iconic wall sign saying “Unusual Jobs for Unusual People” subtitled “Carter’s Unique Employment Agency” still remains.

Porter warns Lucy that he doesn’t appreciate humor. He says “If I had wanted a funny secretary, I would have hired Phyllis Diller.” Master impressionist Jim Bailey played comedienne Phyllis Diller in “Lucy and Jim Bailey” (S5;E9). 

Porter is frustrated by Lucy’s filing system (a joke that hasn’t been mined very often recently) and tells her to find him the Bradshaw file. The name Bradshaw was often one used by Gale Gordon in his dictation as both Mr. Mooney and Harrison Carter. In “A Home is Not an Office” (S5;E4) Harry is looking for the Bradshaw file and Lucy has filed it under ‘G’ because Mr. Bradshaw reminds her of Cary Grant. In this episode, Lucy has filed it under ‘H’ because when she first met Mr. Bradshaw he told her about his weekend in San Francisco, and Lucy associates the city with the song “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.”

Sitting at a tiny typing table instead of his stately desk, Harry says he feels like “Napoleon at Waterloo.” Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) was a French statesman and military leader who rose to prominence during the French Revolution. He was Emperor of the French until his defeat at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815. Harry played the ‘spirit’ of Napoleon (and Lucy is wife Josephine) at a séance held by Helen Hayes in “Lucy and the Little Old Lady” (S4;E17, above).

During a meeting of “the office force”, Mr. Richards tells Harry that the way he drums his fingers while talking on the telephone is exceedingly irritating. This was the same bad habit Ricky Ricardo was accused of by Lucy during “In Palm Springs” (ILL S4;E26, above). Richards also asks Lucy if there’s any way for her to “dim” her hair!  

Hank explains how the book-making racket works. When callers state the model number of the 'appliances’ they want to order, they are actually gambling on horse races.

First number = amount of bet

Second number = race number

Third number = horse number

Numbers 1, 2, 3 = win, place, show

They field telephone calls from Mssrs. Clark, Frasier, McGee, Santiago and Thomas, to name a few. These names could be completely random on the part of the writers, or they could have had some significance.  

When Billy asks if anyone speaks Spanish, Lucy says that she does. She may be just saying so to earn the $100 bonus for the most 'orders’ because Lucy Carter has never demonstrated proficiency with any language in the past.  She says goodbye by saying “Que sera sera!” This is French and most connected with the Doris Day tune “Que Sera Sera” (1956).  

This is the last episode shot for “Here’s Lucy,” but it was decided not to use it as the series finale. The last shot, of Lucy, Harry and Kim, toddling off into the 'sunset’ certainly feels like a Hollywood ending.

Harry also sold the Unique Employment Agency at the end of season five for $25,000. This is the same price Harry got from Mr. Richards.

Kim disguises herself as a stereotypical little old lady named Mrs. Skyler, of the South Pasadena Skylers. In “Lucy and the Ex-Con” (S1;E15), Wally Cox disguises himself as a little old lady named Mrs. Perkins, of the Pasadena Perkins’. The connection between elderly women and the California city doubtless is derived from the hit song “The Little Old Lady from Pasadena” (1964) sung by Jan and Dean.

This is the second time that a live lion has been seen on “Here’s Lucy.” The first was in “Lucy in the Jungle” (S4;E13).  

Souvenirs! When Harry sold the business to Mr. Richards, he neglected to take his precious barometer, something he told Lucy to carefully pack when he first sold the business in “Lucy and Harry’s Memoirs” (S5;E24).

Kitty Litter!  When Bentley the chauffeur (actually the lion’s trainer) is about wrestle with 'Neil’, Lucie Arnaz says “Show them how cuddly and kitty he is” which doesn’t make grammatical sense. No doubt that the presence of a live lion on set had everyone a bit distracted. [The snake held by Lucie Arnaz in the above promo shot belonged to her! It does not appear in the episode.]

“Meanwhile, Back at the Office” rates 4 Paper Hearts out of 5

This episode probably should have been the series finale - it feels like a finale.  Lucie Arnaz does a wonderful comic turn as the stereotypical little old lady - something her mother would have done 20 years earlier.  

[aion-rsa]

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Review

https://ift.tt/3iLcMjF

Psych: The Movie, when it was released in 2017, was clearly a love letter for the avid Psych-Os missing fake psychic Shawn Spencer (James Roday), his platonic life partner Burton Guster (Dulé Hill), and the rest of the Santa Barbara Police Department after the series wrapped in 2014. From a David Bowie-loving villain to a #TeamGrimmie T-shirt, it was the best kind of fan service. Psych 2: Lassie Come Home, then, is undoubtedly a love letter from the cast and crew of Psych to one of their own: actor Timothy Omundson and his grouchy yet heroic alter ego, detective Carlton Lassiter, both undergoing recovery for a stroke. Psych 2, which premieres July 15 on Peacock, is a surprisingly poignant example of art imitating life while still ushering a crew of beloved characters through personal and professional life changes.

Because of the timing of Omundson’s stroke prior to shooting the first movie, Roday and series creator Steve Franks quickly rewrote that script to build in reasons for Lassiter’s absence: transplanting the mystery from Santa Barbara to San Francisco, and bringing in Lassiter for a late-stage pep talk for his former partner Juliet O’Hara (Maggie Lawson). The scene was staged in such a way as to not necessarily acknowledge that anything had changed in the character’s life. But three years later, with Omundson still relearning how to walk, the writers (Franks, Roday, and Andy Berman) leaned in to the actor’s real-life situation and constructed an entire Hitchcockian whodunnit around his recovery:

Someone shot Lassie! Recuperating in Santa Barbara, the usually sharp detective, his senses dulled by pain and meds, nonetheless notices a series of strange happenings in and around his recovery clinic: catatonic patients walking the halls, bleeding strangers lurking on the grounds at night… possibly even ghosts. With potentially supernatural happenings afoot, clearly this is a case for a fake psychic and his many-nicknamed-associate. And when it comes to Lassie, Shawn and Gus are more than happy to return to their old stomping grounds, slurp some Jamba Juice, and unravel this eerie case.

But here’s the rub: What if it’s all in Lassie’s head?

In addition to meeting Omundson where he’s at, the Hitchcockian plot smartly turns the series’ original premise on its ear: Instead of Shawn being the one that people struggle between debunking and believing—no one moreso than Lassiter—now it’s Lassie as the unreliable narrator. While Shawn’s lies ballooned to so precarious a point that he could lose all credibility if punctured, Lassiter arguably has more to lose should his peers decide that he’s “crazy”: Not only could be he forcibly retired from his job, but he’d lose the respect of the police department and (he believes) wife Marlowe (Kristy Swanson) and their daughter Lily.

You can hear the genuine warmth and affection that everyone involved has for Omundson. In the scene when Juliet tells Lassiter, “You are the strongest person I know, and I am watching you get stronger every single day, and I love you, and I don’t know what I would do without you,” it’s also clearly Maggie Lawson talking to Omundson, and probably even also the series engaging its fans, especially now.

These highly emotional stakes ground a mystery that often veers into the ludicrous, even for Psych. There are hospital hijinks involving dismembered hands and foot tickling; another bonkers Mary Lightly (Jimmi Simpson) hallucination that outdoes its Psych: The Movie predecessor; a shootout at a Viking-themed ice bar; and exhaustive travel back-and-forth between Santa Barbara and San Francisco. At the hospital, Richard Schiff plays a suspiciously uptight doctor, while Sarah Chalke is a beam of sunshine as basically a more put-together version of Elliot from Scrubs, with a smile for Lassiter and an eye for Gus.

The one major downside of the Psych movies is that they lack the tight structure of a 42-minute TV case. There’s still all the same crime-solving plot beats, but you trade that briskness for a bevy of witty references, as if the characters and the stars would rather spend ninety minutes catching up on the last three years of pop culture. To be fair, they are great; where else would you see The Force Awakens and This Is Us get equal play? (And they’re both stories where fathers come to tragic ends! It all fits.) But the joke-spackling can’t entirely disguise the holes in the narrative.

Shawn and Gus’ penchant for puerile humor also grates a bit in this installment, especially when one of the movie’s central themes is manning up and getting more serious. The aforementioned foot-tickling scene felt out of place even for these two. When it’s just the two of them being handsy and inappropriate, it’s comedy gold; when they bring in a play partner, it just gets uncomfortable.

Read more

TV

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Stars on Hitchcock Homages and Special Reunions

By Natalie Zutter

But it’s not all rehashing old bits, as Shawn muses to Gus in an especially meta moment; Psych 2 also offers small but pivotal moments of growth for the major characters. One of the movie’s biggest treats is watching Jules be the one to sneak around Shawn’s back investigating the identity of Lassiter’s shooter, instead of their usual status quo in which she’s the straight man to his risk-taker. Even more fun is that she gets a temporary partner in Gus’ girlfriend Selene (Jazmyn Simon), who initially races down to SoCal to investigate Gus’ potential love interest but winds up joining the hunt for a missing bullet and a shadowy motive.

Even the supporting cast who get only a few scenes are standouts, from Chief Karen Vick (Kirsten Nelson) staring down a life-changing job interview to Woody (Kurt Fuller) in a disguise that’s just this side of offensive to Henry Spencer (Corbin Bernsen) continuing his absurd Boomer hipster ways while also managing to have an actually heartfelt conversation with Shawn about fatherhood.

Absent fathers loom over Lassie Come Home, from Shawn in a sitcom-y plot involving a pregnancy test to Carlton’s meds-induced hallucinations of the Lassiter family patriarch (Joel McHale), a ghostly manifestation of the detective’s self-censure about manliness and what recovery looks like. Psych 2 never sugarcoats Lassiter’s recovery, adeptly balancing hope and pessimism, hero worship and regret.

The mystery resolves in an uneven fashion, with a few too many red herrings and new characters and settings that you could tell it was fun to set up, if nothing else. But let’s be real, we weren’t here for the who or why of Lassiter getting shot; the movie’s heart is in what he does next. That resolution is handled so thoughtfully, in a simple moment that resonates for both Lassiter and Omundson, and every (not-a-dry) eye watching.

Psych had already proven with its first movie that it could grow and change with its fanbase, but this latest installment commits to putting each character on a new path, even if it’s just taking one step. Here’s hoping we’ll get to keep revisiting Shawn and Gus à la the BBC’s Sherlock and Watson every few years—for a new mystery, sure, but really just because everyone feels like family.

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home premieres July 15 on Peacock.

The post Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Review appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[agespecific]

Were you a reader as a child? Did you snuggle up in a chair or under the covers at bedtime while an adult read to you? If so, chances are you were impacted by the wisdom found in children’s books.

Reading helps us to understand ourselves, the world around us and other people. Reading also allows us to experience things we could not experience personally.

Some children’s books, especially those written in the 18th and 19th centuries were thinly veiled attempts at imparting morals and manners to children.

Later books were more focused on entertaining children, though lessons seeped through like water in a sieve, impacting us – even if we were not consciously aware of what we were learning.

I still remember my mother reading aloud the novel Heidi, one chapter at a time. My sister and I anxiously perched on the bed, waiting to hear about Heidi, Peter, Grandfather and the goats.

We imagined the far away setting in the Alps, almost breathing in the fresh air as Heidi did. From Heidi, I learned compassion, feeling homesick along with the little orphan girl and her wheelchair bound friend Clara.

Compassion is just one of the many lessons I learned while reading classic children’s novels. Here are six other lessons we may have unconsciously learned as we read and reread the beloved stories of our youth.

We Can Be Independent

Part of the work of childhood is gradually growing into people who are independent from our parents and caregivers. Children’s books are full of stories of children who take the reins and control their own destiny.

Remember Nancy Drew? She was very independent, driving around in her blue roadster with only the slightest supervision from her father. The Boxcar Children successfully lived alone in an abandoned box car, working to get money for food and taking care of each other.

The children of Narnia managed quite well in their adopted fantasy land, conquering foes with little adult help. Pippi Longstocking lived in Villa Villakkulla with nary an adult in sight.

Children’s stories helped us to imagine living independently without actually leaving the safety of our homes. We could escape our everyday lives and live in a tree like Sam, the young boy in My Side of the Mountain, who runs away, adopts a falcon and survives on his own in the Catskill mountains.

These characters and others like them taught us that with resourcefulness and hard work we can take care of ourselves.

Pluck and Grit Will Take You Far

Remember Laura Ingalls Wilder? The child of the Little House on the Prairie series was known for her spirit. Other young pioneers such as tomboy Caddie Woodlawn, Jody in The Yearling, and Travis of Old Yeller were also courageous and not afraid to act.

Creating a home in a new and untamed land is one recipe for developing kids with pluck and grit, but clearly not the only one.

Young Ramona in the Beverly Cleary books is gutsy, audacious and bold. Velvet, of National Velvet, is strong-willed and determined.

Homer Price manages to foil bank robbers and control a situation with a donut machine gone berserk. These are characters who persevere and tenaciously deal with life’s challenges.

Many of us also devoured biographies. The Childhood of Famous Americans series, little blue and orange books, were wildly popular in the 1950s and 1960s.

The books, which were later deemed to be more fictional than reality, focused on the lives of courageous children who grew up to be heroes. These and other biographies inspired us to do worthy things.

Be Open to Adventure

Children’s stories are full of characters who have adventures. What would The Adventures of Tom Sawyer have been like if Tom, Huck and Becky had stayed home and played board games all day?

Think of Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and the Tollivers solving mysteries. Young Jim Hawkins has his map of Treasure Island and goes out to sea. The children of the Melendy family have a new adventure every Saturday.

Travel appeared in children’s books before it became mainstream for many people. Donna Parker goes to Hollywood, making us long for the world of glamour and movie stars.

Nancy Drew travels to France, Nairobi and Austria. The Bobbsey Twins visited Plymouth Rock and Colonial Williamsburg, imparting history lessons along the way.

Children in books also traveled across time and place. Tolly in the Greene Knowe series meets children from the past. Charlotte in Charlotte Sometimes travels via magical bed to an English boarding school in 1918. In children’s books, time travel – with all of its adventurous possibilities – is an option.

You Need Friends

We all need a sidekick or two. Friends help us out of sticky situations and encourage us to be our best. They provide laughter and help us to find insight just when we need it.

Charlotte had Wilbur. Betsy had Tacy. Nancy Drew had Bess and George. Donna Parker had Ricky West, and Trixie Beldon had Honey Wheeler. The two sets of Bobbsey twins had each other.

Anne of Green Gables had her bosom buddy, Diana. Like Anne, many of us had or longed for a friend who was our steadfast companion and kindred spirit. If we lacked such a friend in our lives, characters from the novels we read often became our friends.

It’s Fun to Stretch Your Imagination

The fun and fantasy of children’s books enriched us by stretching our imaginations. We love to suspend willing disbelief in order to accept the magical.

Remember Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle? She was a little old lady whose husband was a pirate. She lived in an upside-down house and imparted ‘cures’ to children who misbehaved. What fun it was to imagine playing in an upside-down house or digging up treasure in the back yard.

Fantasy could take us on adventures. We could step through a wardrobe in England and walk into Narnia, where we could meet witches and battle evil. We traveled to Oz with Dorothy and had fun believing that lands like Oz, with all of its magical creatures, exist.

Mythology and folklore also gave us fantastic tales. We imagined what it would be like to be a giant like Paul Bunyan and have a big blue ox for a pet. We could also have dragons for pets or ride one conquering the air. We soured across the skies and into the oceans with Greek gods and goddesses.

Some fantasies were closer to home. The adventures of a lowly house painter, Mr. Popper and his twelve penguins, kept us laughing. We imagined what fun it would be to have such amazing creatures in our own homes.

Believing in the impossible opened us up to creativity, which feeds our souls and helps us to solve problems.

Kindness Matters

Children’s books often bring out the simple theme that kindness matters. In the beginning of Charlotte’s Web, Fern saves a runt pig, Wilbur, from her father’s ax. Saving Wilbur’s life allows friendship in the barnyard to blossom.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we learn the hard way from the story of Wanda, a young girl who is ridiculed for wearing the same dress every day.

When she proclaims that she has a hundred dresses, the other girls laugh. Her bullies eventually learn the truth, too late for Wanda but in time to teach them – and us – a lesson about kindness.

In children’s books we also learn to love and care for animals. Books such as Bambi, Lassie and the horse stories of Marguerite Henry gave us insight into the lives of animals. Many children experienced the love of animals they met through books.

The books we read as children often shape us. What books did you love as a child? What do you think you learned from them? We would love to hear your experiences and memories in the comments below.

Michele Meier Vosberg, Ph.D. is a writer and freelance educator. She left her career of over thirty years in order to create the life of her dreams. She is passionate about helping others understand their unique personality and gifts and design their best lives. Michele is married, has two grown daughters and lives in Madison, Wisconsin. Connect with Michele at liferedesign101.com

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