#and right now that topic is 'how fucking cool would it be to have wings????'

[argothiathedreamer]

Why am I, as a person who's terrified of heights, obsessed with the idea of having wings?

These are the real questions.

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Hello! I wanna request Shinobu with a s/o (She/Her) that sends her letters very often like every single day as she is on a mission. But one day she just stops writing, Shinobu panics and just sets off to find her to find out she was injured and just treats her while chatting with her because they don’t hang out alot.

On the way back to the Butterfly Mansion, S/O just says ‘I love you’ to Shinobu while she was unconscious. (Note: they are just friends) And S/O didn’t know she said that the next day. Shinobu remembers it and confront S/O.

S/O gets flustered and just ran away and tries to avoid Shinobu which was soon a fail. Shinobu thought she did something wrong and Aoi just had to set them up and S/O finally confess to Shinobu consciously.

(Aoi and the girls are watching from a bush!)

I love your writing so much and have a great day! ❤️

You Were Not Supposed to Hear That

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: On Friday I took a really spectacular running fall into some gravel and have just tore myself into shreds. From chin to knees I have fucked myself up🥲. I’m okay, but just thought you all would like to know. But amidst the stinging and aching pains, I was like, it’s been two weeks, I got to get something done so here you go! (Again… don’t really have the energy for editing right now. Hope there aren’t any errors that are too distracting.) Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading! Word Count: 3,066

“Still nothing?”

En fluttered her wings and shook her head at Shinobu, confirming that yet another busy day went by without a letter finding its way into her hands.

“This is starting to become troubling…” Shinobu murmured to herself, looking out the window up at the darkening sky.

(Y/n) was a sayer she had treated a couple of years ago, nothing life-threatening, but she had been out of commission for long enough for her and Shinobu to develop a rapport and parted on friendly terms. (Y/n) would visit on occasion, but more frequently, she would send Shinobu letters. Usually once or twice every two weeks. But now they were approaching the end of the third week without a word and Shinobu was growing concerned for her friend.

“I suppose I should try sending her another letter of my own then. No offense to the poor bird, but her crow is not as reliable as you, En. Will you go looking for her and ensure my letter reaches her once I finish drafting it?”

En assured Shinobu that the letter would be safe with her, then waited patiently on Shinobu’s windowsill, giving Shinobu privacy as she wrote. The Hashira never wrote anything scandalous of course, but En always made sure to give her the opportunity to if she ever saw fit. (Y/n) was one of the very few people Shinobu exchanged letters with regularly after all and given how the letters she received often made her smile so, En thought there was a good chance their relationship could lead to something more and En liked (Y/n), she gave her extra berries and peanuts. The more letters sent between Shinobu and (Y/n) the better, En would say.

As soon as Shinobu secured the parchment to En’s leg, the crow was gone on the breeze of the cool, evening air. Unfortunately, (Y/n) had been a little tougher to find this time around, but she was found nonetheless. Shinobu would not be happy when she heard what kind of shape the slayer was in, however.

“Injured?” Shinobu frowned worriedly while scanning the letter En brought back to her further. She had hoped (Y/n) would tell her more about how badly she was injured, but she hadn’t, instead going into lighter topics such as how nice the Wisteria House that she had taken refuge within. Shinobu sighed and put the letter down on her desk. “Well, you saw her, En. How was she?”

“Broken hand, bruised ribs. A smattering of scratches and bruises, but nothing that won’t heal in due time.” The crow helpfully provided.

“Hmm, I see... Thank you.” Shinobu seemed to go deep into thought then, the concern not leaving her expression. In fact, it seemed to grow into anxiety despite En’s assurances that the other slayer would be just fine. “I think I will pay her a visit then. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen her anyway. Besides, it’s not a bad idea to make sure whoever checked her over caught everything…”

A glint appeared in En’s eye. A promising sign if Shinobu felt compelled to travel all that way just to check on what was essentially just a few bumps and bruises as far as the usual demon slayer injuries go. Shinobu was showing (Y/n) special treatment, but En wouldn’t judge. Knowing how much of herself Shinobu gave others, En figured she deserved to be a little selfish from time to time. Even if that selfishness was still technically for someone else’s benefit.

And so, Shinobu packed a light bag, jaunted over to the closest train station and hopped on a train that would go through the city (Y/n) was recuperating in. The look of elated surprised on (Y/n)’s face when she looked up from her book to see her standing there and knocking on her doorframe made Shinobu’s mood brighten substantially.

“Shinobu! What are you doing here?” (Y/n) asked excitedly, quickly closing the book and shoving it aside.

“Oh, you know,” Shinobu moved to sit on the edge of the bed, “I was in the area so I thought I’d drop by, see how you’re healing up.” She gently took hold of (Y/n)’s casted hand, scrutinizing it to make sure it put together with care. “So, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. Kind of achy and sore, a little tired, but otherwise fine. How about you, how have you been?” (Y/n) seemed excited to know, she always appeared to hang on to Shinobu’s every word. Shinobu was no stranger to such things, but having (Y/n)’s undivided attention felt especially good.

“I’m doing quite well, especially now that I get to have a visit with you.” Shinobu teased. She always loved to see just how flustered she could make (Y/n). It was one of her favorite activities.

“Yeah?” (Y/n) laughed awkwardly, her free hand bunched up in the blankets to serve as a distraction from the sudden uptick of her heartbeat “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Mhm!” Shinobu tilted her head to the side, smiling all the while. She gave (Y/n)’s casted hand a soft pat when the bandaging cleared her inspection. “In fact, you should take the train back home with me. Complete the rest of your recovery with me so we can catch up on all that was too wordy for the letters. What do you say?”

“Really? I wouldn’t want to impose. I’d just be more work for you, having to check my injuries and whatnot.”

“Injuries like yours are like treating paper cuts and grazed knees to me. It’ll be no trouble at all. Come on, I’ll buy your ticket~”

(Y/n) bit her inner cheek, well, far be it from her to miss out on extra time with Shinobu. Especially a direct invitation. Hell, she’d buy her own ticket and Shinobu’s if the Hashira asked her to.

“If you’re certain, then I’d love to come along.”

“Wonderful,” Shinobu patted (Y/n)’s shoulder and then slid off of the bed. “Let’s get you packed up then.”

Before (Y/n) knew it, she was all packed up and on the next train to the station closest to Shinobu’s home. It didn’t take much time or exertion at all, but she did find herself drifting off once they were settled in their booth. After maybe the fifth or sixth nodding off and then jolting awake, Shinobu chuckled.

“You can rest. I don’t mind. I know how to keep myself entertained.” She said, taking a book from her own bag and waving it back and forth.

“Sorry, I really wish I could stay awake.” (Y/n) yawned.

“It’s no trouble. Rest, you need it.”

“Thanks…”

It didn’t take long before her head to find itself against the booth’s edge. She was out like a light. Shinobu hummed in amusement and then flipped open her book. Before she could even make it to the bottom of the first page, (Y/n)’s head tilted the opposite way and ended up on her shoulder, a nonsensical mumbling falling from her lips as she pressed in a little closer.

“This is unusual.” Shinobu chose to rest her head atop (Y/n)’s and poked the sleeping girl’s cheek gently. “I can’t wait to tease you about this later.”

(Y/n)’s face twitched and she unconsciously rubbed the spot Shinobu had poked with a tired grumble. She hid her face after that, almost between Shinobu and the booth. A quiet sigh of Shinobu’s name left her, and then,

“I love you.”

Shinobu blinked. Had she heard that right? Of course she did. Compared to the other mumblings, that utterance was clear as day.

What a sweet sentiment, even if it was said unconsciously. Shinobu’s expression softened, but only for a moment before a glint of mischief shone through.

“Oh the ammunition you’re giving me, (Y/n) and you don’t even realize it.” She smiled. “Sleep well for now, while you can.”

***

The train rolled to a stop and the steam hissed, jerking (Y/n) awake. She straightened out and swung her head to the right and then to the left, almost bumping noses with Shinobu.

“Ah!” (Y/n) pulled back, almost falling off of the seat and into the aisle. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, (Y/n).” Shinobu assured. “Let’s go home then, shall we?”

“Sure.”

They left the busy station together and began their walk back the the Butterfly Mansion. When they noise of the crowd died down, (Y/n) spoke.

“Sorry for sleeping through the whole trip. I hope you weren’t bored.”

“Trust me when I say I was thoroughly entertained, (Y/n).” Shinobu assured with a smile that was a tad too mischievous. “Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

(Y/n) felt her stomach drop. Oh god… what had she said? Something embarrassing no doubt from the look Shinobu was sporting. How mortifying!

“And you were quite cuddly too. You were hugging my arm at one point even.”

Agh! Could it get any worse?!

“Well—! It’s pretty normal for people to do things like that in their sleep. It’s all dumb and meaningless stuff you know.”

“Dumb and meaningless? (Y/n), you wound me.” Shinobu rested the back of her hand against her forehead. “Is that how you really feel?”

“Well, yeah!” (Y/n) doubled-down. “It’s not like I know what I’m saying while I’m asleep. Whatever I said didn’t mean anything and you shouldn’t hold it against me.”

“Oh, so when you said you loved me, there wasn’t any truth in that sentiment? You didn’t mean it?” Shinobu carried on as usual, she didn’t seem hurt. She still found the incident funny. She didn’t need (Y/n) to be in love with her, all she needed to know was that they were friends. That was good enough for her.

(Y/n) felt the sudden urge to scream out of sheer embarrassment, but she held it in. Obviously based on Shinobu’s demeanor she was still only playing around, but what was she supposed to say to that? She was a terrible liar!

“Well—!” She fumbled a bit, trying to find the words she needed, “That’s not anything groundbreaking! You know I love you like… a normal amount.”

So inconspicuous! What a wordsmith! Brava!

“Is that right?” Shinobu smirked, a quiet laugh leaving her lips. “What exactly is a normal amount to you, (Y/n)? Please, I’d love to hear all about it.”

(Y/n) felt uncomfortably warm, nervous, like she was going to throw up if she tried to say anything else. Shinobu noticed this and was going to let (Y/n) off the hook right away, but then voices from a little further down the path made both of their heads turn.

“Oh! Shinobu-sama, (Y/n)-san, hello!”

A butterfly girl brigade soon appeared from further up the path, all five carrying baskets of various vegetation.

“Hello, girls thank you for your hard work.” Shinobu thanked the girls sincerely for holding down the fort while she was on her impromptu journey. She was then caught up on all the notable things that happened while she was away and at some point during the midst of that…

“Hey, where did (Y/n)-san go?”

Six heads swiveled around to look at their immediate surroundings to find that (Y/n) had inexplicably vanished from the group. They all called out for her and searched the nearby woods, concerned that she would up and leave without a word.

When their search yielded no result, they went back to the mansion to form a search party out of Kakushi, but fortunately, Goto told them they had nothing to worry about.

“Oh, I saw (Y/n)-san arrive not too long ago.” He said, Shinobu’s body relaxed, a quiet sigh of relief left her.

“That girl,” Aoi huffed, “Where is she now? I’d like to give her a piece of my mind.”

“Ah, well,” Goto rubbed the back of his neck, “she’s around… I may or may not have been asked not to tell anyone where she is within the mansion for now.”

“What?!” Aoi through her arms up in exasperation. “Of all the childish— we just spent half an hour combing the the nearby woods for her when she vanished suddenly. She has some explaining to do, because making us all worry like that is unacceptable!”

“It’s my fault.” Shinobu sighed, making all eyes turn on her, “I pushed her too far, teasing her over something she had no control over. She must have slinked off while I was distracted because she knew she’d never be able to avoid me otherwise.” She guessed a bit contritely.

“Shinobu-sama, what could you have possibly been teasing her about to cause this mess?” Aoi asked, arms crossed.

Shinobu shook her head. “I don’t believe it’s my place to say. I promise I shall apologize to her the first chance I get. But for now, let (Y/n) have some time to herself, and please don’t be too upset with her for running off.”

Shinobu caught sight of the time, telling the girls that for the time being she’d be in her lab. She thanked them again for their hard work, and apologized for their wasted search before walking away.

“I wonder why this happened.” Sumi pondered.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what happened.” Aoi said confidently, “I bet (Y/n) finally said something unintentionally to let Shinobu-sama know how much she actually likes her and in true Shinobu-sama fashion, she fumbled the moment of vulnerability for a joke. Well, I’m not letting this foolishness carry on for a minute more. Will you all help me find (Y/n) so we can get this all sorted out before it gets even more awkward between them?“

All of the girls agreed with a round of exclamations and nods. Soon they were combing through the estate. After some time, Kanao was the one to bring back word that (Y/n) was sitting under Victory, watching the cherry blossoms flutter around her wistfully.

“Thank you, Kanao, I’ll take it from here.” Aoi said, already walking briskly towards the tree, startling (Y/n) from her gloomy thoughts. “Don’t you dare try running away from me, (Y/n).” She warned.

“I-I’m not.” (Y/n) put her hands up defensively. “…Did Shinobu send you? Did she tell you what I said?!” She added hastily.

“No,” Aoi sat down beside (Y/n) with a harsh exhale, “She didn’t need to tell me anything because it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how in love you are (Y/n)-san, so just accept the help I’m trying to provide you, alright? Shinobu-sama seems content to give you space for now, but I know once you two decide to make up, you’re just going to pretend nothing happened, so you better confess properly when I get her to come out here, okay?”

“W-what?! No, I couldn’t—“

“Yes you could! Are you really going to let this go on forever? That would just be sad and annoying considering everyone knows you two love each other. Be a woman and ask her out!”

It took some convincing, but Aoi had finally gotten (Y/n) to a place where the idea of honestly telling Shinobu she had romantic feelings for her wasn’t going to immediately make her throw-up from nerves and so now all Aoi had to do was get Shinobu out there as soon as she could before (Y/n) got cold feet and ran off again. Some people enjoyed playing matchmaker, but Aoi found the whole process rather annoying.

She all but shoved Shinobu out of her lab and pointed her in the right direction, making sure the Hashira was heading that way before quickly working around the mansion to join the other girls watching excitedly from the bushes to witness the fruit of her labor.

She arrived just in time to see Shinobu sit beside (Y/n) beneath Victory’s vibrant petal-laden branches. What a beautiful place for a confession of love. The mood was set.

“(Y/n),” Shinobu spoke softly, “I’m sorry I—“

“You don’t have to apologize,” (Y/n) cut her off, “I know you didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable.”

“But I did. Definitely not to the degree that I did, but I wanted to see you squirm a little. I didn’t mean to cause you anxiety and I do apologize for that. But please,” Shinobu moved to rest her hand atop (Y/n)’s, “if the time comes that I overstep again, please tell me that you would like some time to yourself instead of leaving without telling anyone. I was worried when I couldn’t find you.”

“I will, I promise. I’m sorry for worrying you.” (Y/n) looked down at their hands in the bed of fallen petals and took a deep breath, “Shinobu, can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I… I really do love you, but… it’s um…”

“Not a normal amount?” Shinobu couldn’t help but tease.

“Right,” (Y/n) flustered, “but it might be less than a normal amount if you keep that up.”

“Sorry, dear,” Shinobu didn’t look sorry in the least, “please continue, I’m all ears.”

(Y/n) sighed quietly, “I like you a lot more than I’ve ever liked anyone so would you maybe be interested in going on a date with me sometime? Of course, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I know how busy you are and I don’t expect you to agree even if you aren’t busy. I’m happy being friends. Friends is just as good—

A range of gasps and squeals came from the bushes as Shinobu leaned in and planted a bit quite chaste kiss on the corner of (Y/n)’s mouth. She barely pulled away before speaking, keeping their bodies close.

“I’m sure I can carve out some time soon. I did shrink off some duties to hop on a train to see you once already after all.”

“I, I thought you said you just happened to be in the area…” (Y/n) murmured, still light headed from the near head-on kiss.

“I lied!” Shinobu smiled, not an ounce of shame detectable.

“You jerk!” (Y/n) threw caution to the wind and tackled Shinobu completely to the ground, “Just how many of those coincidental run-ins were actually coincidental?”

“Very few.”

“Shinobu!”

An amused exhale left Aoi as she watched the two women laugh together.

“Alright, I think we’ve seen what we needed to see. Come on everyone, back to work.”

Some of the girls seemed a little disappointed to be leaving, but hearing the sounds of joy still lighting up the courtyard as they made their way back inside brought smiles to their faces.

[vaquinhadecogumelinhos]

Can we talk about how Lancelot's marks glow when he is near fire in the first episode?

So, i was rewatching Cursed on the netflix for the god know how many time, and i just tought like: "Oh i should try to pay a bit more of attention to the details this time, after all i'm writing a fanfic, this would help me a lot in the criative process." But then my eyes catch in the very first scene of the Weeping monk and i just notice his tear marks glow bright red when he is in the woods burning, killing the moon wings.

My mind absolutely stoped when i saw that. Cause what do you mean Lancelot's, marks glow and i never noticed that? What kind of incredibly effective and devilish wicked spell is that? Or perhaps that was just my ADHD working again... Anyways, i am just absolutely obsessed whit this.

OK, SO WHAT IF LANCELOT'S MARKS COULD GLOW WHIT MORE THAN JUST FIRE?

Any incredibly unlucky person who has the pleasure of knowing me know that i am absolutely hiperfocused in the Arthurian legends, but i still don't know how to deepens this hiperfixation since i didn't born in one of those countries where the Arthurian legends are part of their folklore. But one specific thing about Lancelot got in my mind, that is the fact that he cries a lot, but also doesn't know how to express himself properly, and then i just got this idea when i saw the marks glowing: "What if i could make this glowing marks thing a way of him expressing emotions since he is bad whit words and facial expressions?"

And that's exactly what am i going to do.

From now on, i have this headcanon that Lancelot's marks glow when he feels too strong emotions or feelings. For example: If he is too embarassed, along whit his blushing cheeks, his marks will glow slight pink too. And if he is too sad, his marks will glow in deep wine-color.

But what if i could go even further?

Hear me out in this one. The idea of Lancelots marks glow whit strong feeling and emotions is cool, right? But what if it went further?

I don't know how to explain, (actually i do but that's just cause i like how it sounds) but how about the idea of the Ashfolk having inner marks?

This might sound like a crazy idea or one of those you just have at 03:06 AM while is surviving on only coffee and refuses to sleep. BUT IT SOUNDS SO COOL IN MY MIND. Like, they have tear marks that possibly glow in the fire, but what if they also had inner marks in their lungs and heart that also can glow whit overwhelming feelings?

And that could also give and opening for a possible fire power, cause if they marks glow inside their bodys and react to the fire, who said they cannot actually procreate fire, more especificly fey fire?

I am probably going to be more obcene than i expected but, can you only imagine if Lancelot were having sex whit someone (i'd say Gawain but if you're a Nimulot shipper that fits too) and he is just so overwhelmed whit the pleasure and wonderful new sensations that his heart and lungs glow in pleasure while he archs his back and moan like a fucking wh0re gripping the bed sheets as if for his dear life? well i can, and it's absolutely marving.

And finally, conclusion.

My point is, i didn't notice it the first time i watched, but this is just a too good oportunity for head canons and roamtic fanfics promps to just let it pass.

My head canon is made, and is not just about him but the hole ashfolk. They have marks inside their bodies, in the lugs and heart, and the obvious ones in the face. And the marks glow whit strong or overwhelming feelings/emotions, or when they are near/surrounded by fire.

And just for the sake of it, the last part on the "What if i could go even further" topic was just cause i saw a reblogged post by @lancedoncrimsonwings of a suggestion of a fic called "Came a lot" of the weeping monk by @baezen, and i just tought it whoul fit in very well.

Hunted kisses for you❤️

[post-uwuifier]

According to all known laws of aviation,there is no way a bee should be able to fly.Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.The bee, of course, flies anywaybecause bees don't care what humans think is impossible.ANumber2Pencil, Dec 7, 2016#1dinocerosDonatorMessages:7,482Likes Received:29,999Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.Barry! Breakfast is ready!Ooming!Hang on a second.Hello?- Barry?

to make one decision in life.But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?Why would you question anything? We're bees

No one's listening to me!Wait till you see the sticks I have.I could say anything right now.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!Let's open some honey and celebrate!Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae.Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!I'm so proud.- We're starting work today!

Today's the day.Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone.Yeah, right.Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal…- Is it still available?

Hang on. Two left!One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side.- What'd you get?

Picking crud out. Stellar!Wow!Oouple of newbies?Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!Make your choice.- You want to goetting the Krelman?

Sure, you're on.I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.Wax monkey's always open.The Krelman opened up again.What happened?A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one.Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!Oh, this is so hard!Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry?Barry!All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine…What happened to you? Where are you?- I'm going out.

Out? Out where?- Out there.

Oh, no!I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life.You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?Another call coming in.If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rdthat gets their roses today.Hey, guys.- Look at that.

Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.Really? Feeling lucky, are you?Sign here, here. Just initial that.- Thank you.

OK.You got a rain advisory today,and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain.So be careful. As always, watch your brot thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. Behold the handmaid of the Lord: Be it done unto me according to Thy word. They drive crazy.- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?

Some of them. But some of them don't.- How'd you get back?

im back UwUcifer, can i enter my own contest?

ah, stwuck again by wengthy ask anon! Mad wespect, yes yoo may UwU

[reclusiverisottonero]

Busts down your door hello Julie 👁️👁️

Could I request these two prompts because I’m special and I pay your salary in the hole (I don’t)

don’t worry, I’ll be here when you’re awake & sleep, darling. i’ll protect you from the nightmares.

With Dio, p1, 3 or 6 is fine whatever you vibe with and NB is a-ok with me 😘💖✨

Hi Melky! NGL I was really nervous to write this since I've literally never written Dio before but at the same time it was a fun challenge. I hope this is somewhere up to par with what you wanted!

💌 This request was for a Valentine’s Day Fluff event available to member’s of Papersiren’s discord server. Requests are currently closed.

Pairing: Dio (pt 3)/Reader (gn) Warnings: Semi-graphic/gory descriptions of nightmares, Dio being creepy, implied polyamory.

It’s hot as fuck in Cairo; which, duh, you knew that before coming out here. Though you didn’t truly know it until you took your first steps outside into that dry heat and could literally feel the sun’s UV rays cooking you alive. Needless to say, the second you made it to Dio’s mansion you refused to step outside again. Discovering the mansion’s limited air conditioning made you so close to turning around and going back home before even unpacking, but just like everyone else here you’ve been drawn like a moth to a flame by Dio’s charisma. Despite how that heat can singe your wings at any moment, you choose to stay. 

Well, that, and being one of the handful of people allowed the privilege to share his bed also helped in the decision. Being the one that is called on the most might have influenced you as well. Just a little bit. 

It’s another borderline unbearable night in the unfamiliar Egyptian heat, triggering a spike in your anxiety which has caused you to toss and turn in bed next to Dio. Your nightmares tonight range from being chased by shadows to startlingly vivid and bloody snapshots of your teeth falling out one by one. Awareness comes and goes in between them all, until you roll across bed enough to land face first into Dio’s bare chest. 

Realizing what you’ve done wakes you fast enough that the surge of adrenaline dizzies you, becoming worse when you see him just silently staring at you. Lying on his side and propping his head up with a hand the vampire gazes at you, green eyes studying you intently as you try to appear unaffected by his intensity. 

“You’re quite the active dreamer, aren’t you?” He quips in that velvet smooth voice, free hand coming to gently stroke his knuckles across your cheek. 

As spontaneous as you’ve been about following Dio, you’re not stupid. You know when you’re being put under a microscope, and the soft smirk on his lips while he continues to look down on you makes something irksome yet pleasant pool and simmer in your guts. 

“I suppose so.” You say casually and stretch your arms above your head, watching him as he watches you. Impulsively you ask, “What about you? Do vampires dream?” 

A series of emotions flit over Dio’s face before settling back into the bored smugness that he prefers to hide behind. He chuckles, the hint of sharp fangs peeking out from between his full lips when he replies, “My dear, I don’t have to sleep.”

How specifically worded that answer was is not lost on you, but you have enough self preservation not to push the topic. Playing it cool is the safer option, though you can’t help wondering why Dio would want to avoid rest if he’s still capable of doing so. 

“Lucky you. Ugh, the things I would do for a good night’s sleep right now...” You say through a yawn but the bitterness in your tone can still easily be heard. It only causes Dio’s smirk to grow wider, his hand sliding along the slight dip of your naked waist up to the meat of your hip. 

“Then sleep, darling. I’ll protect you from the nightmares.” He coos in that borderline condescending lit you’ve come to find comfort in. You’re pulled in closer to the solid wall of muscles that are his body and on instinct you scoot yourself into him, your back to his chest with a tired sigh. Sleep creeps up fast thanks to the weight of his arm around you and his voice rumbling in your ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here when you’re awake.” 

While cynical about his flowery words you do in fact sleep soundly through the rest of the night, naturally waking on your own mid-morning to surprisingly find Dio still wrapped up in you. His lips rest against the back of your neck, and once fully awake you feel the ghost of a smile take shape across your skin. 

You roll over to give Dio a proper morning greeting before the smug ‘I told you so’ that hangs in the air can be spoken by him out loud. He merely grasps your chin to coax your mouth open so he can take things further than you’d originally intended, but you’re more than happy to let your wings flutter amongst the flames for just a little while longer.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1050: A Call With Dr. Ashling (Epithet Erased)

Sylvie: You did WHAT!?

Giovanni: (Painting his Toenails While on the Phone With Sylvie) I stole Beartrap away from that dumb toy store a night or two ago, found a suitable hideout spot for the two of us to stay at for the time being, and I, with the help of Crusher, have been raising her ever sinc- (Suddenly Heard a Very Loud Scream From the Other Line, Causing him to Move his Phone Away From his Ear at the Last Second)

Sylvie: (On the Other Line) WHYYYYYYYYYY!?

Giovanni slowly but cautiously return the phone back to his hear before hearing another 'WHY' screaming at his eardrums again.

Giovanni: ('Sigh') Really could do without the constant screaming, kid-

Sylvie: (Slams his Hand on the Desk) NO! Do NOT try and casual talk your way out if this one, Giovanni Potage! What the hell were you thinking!?

Giovanni: Well, I-

Sylvie: What POSSESS you into think that kidnapping Molly from here home was REMOTELY a good idea!? Huh!?

Giovanni: ('Sigh') Look, would you just let me-

Sylvie: Are you really....REALLY that hellbent on trying to be this....BIG SHOT villain you've been going on about or some crap?

Giovanni: (Eyes Widened) What? No! I mean, yeah, I wanted to be a great villain and all, but-

Sylvie: Then why, Gio? WHY would you sink that low into doing something so...STUPID AND-

Giovanni: I JUST WANTED MOLLY OUT OF THAT FUCKING HELL HOLE, ALRIGHT!?

'Silence'

Giovanni: (Sighs While Pinching his Nose to Calm Himself) Sorry, sorry. I just- ('Sigh') I know there's a lot to unpack here, but can we not yell at each other a sec? It's not getting us anything.

Sylvie: ('Sighs Heavily') Yeah, you're right. It's unprofessional. Just....please explain to me what's been going on before I have a migraine....

Giovanni: You're fourteen-years old and you're already having migraines? That has to be rough?

Sylvie: (Sighs While Shrugging) Yeah, but it's whatever at this point, you know? I mean, I'm actually fifteen and- (Eyes Suddenly Widens) Hey, wait a minute. (Starts Getting Frustrated Again) We were just having a conversation here! Stop getting off topic!!

Giovanni: Alright, alright, I'm sorry. We're going back on topic now. (Takes a Deep Breath Before Speaking) Okay, so....a day or two ago, I visited Beartrap in the toy store to ask her join our new villain join.

Sylvie: New villain group? You quit the Banzai Blasters?

Giovanni: Yeah, but that's another story in it of itself. So anyways, I was greeted by her older sister, Lori and she transported the both of us, her friends, their teacher, and this cool looking wizard guy into some fantasy land that has something to do with her Epithet, don't remember what it's called specifically, buuuuut to keep it brief, uhh....(Starts Using his Fingers to Point Out a Few Details) wacky adventures ensues, there bees and scarecrows along the way, I had rad horn and wings....Oh! Naven, Beartrap's teacher I told you about, and I hosted a cooking contest to see if Lori has what it takes to be a part of my gang!

Sylvie: How....did she do exactly?

Giovanni: Oh she failed. With flying colors!....But....she was kinda being a sore loser about and starts being all evil and try to sort of kill us. Luckily, we managed to beat her at her own game and got out of the fantasy world in the neck of time. I stole the hell hole's greatest treasure, Beartrap, found a place to hideout for the time being and the rest was history.

Sylvie: Huh. (Grabs his Chin While Thinking) I guess that would explain why I haven't heard from either of you as of late....But that still doesn't explain why you kidnapped her in the first place. And what do you mind by that toy store being a "Hell Hole"?

Giovanni: (Sighs While Getting Up From the Sofa He Was Sitting On) Dude, isn't it obvious? (Starts Walking Around the Room) Molly's been completely miserable working and dealing with people's crap in there for God knows how long and her own family sure as hell wasn't making it any better for her either! I mean, I know Lori has her own problems to deal with, but her dad.....(Crunches Up his Free Hand in Pure Frustration) Ooooooooooh does that jackass rubs me off in the wrongest way possible!!! It's bad enough that he makes her work at the store and clean after him all by herself while he does fuck all 24/7, but the fact that he has the nerve, the AUDACITY, to take ALL the credit his own daughters' worked hard for and acts like the "Breadwinner" of the family makes me wanna get my bat, go back to that stupid toy store, and shove that bat right up his, FAT, PINHEADED-

Crusher: Boss! Calm yourself! (Opens his Room Door and Quickly Rushes Towards Giovanni's Side to Gently Rub his Shoulders) You're going to raise your blood pressure and get yourself a heart attack at this rate.

Giovanni: I AM CALM!!!

Giovanni begins to whimper shortly after he lays his head onto Crusher's chest, hugging him. This, in turn, causes the big guy to hug his boss back in return, while gently rubbing his back

Crusher: ('Shh Shhhh') There, there. It's okay.

Sylvie: Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with the guy on your line on this one. It won't do you any good being angry and constantly stressing yourself out no matter how egregious that poor excuse of a father really is......Uh...by the way, who....exactly is in the call with you right now?

Giovanni: One of my faithful Boyz, Crusher. Hey, Crusher, it's that Sheep Kid I told you about.

Sylvie: Not a kid. My actual name is Dr. Sylvester Ashling. (Smiles a Bit Sheepishly) B-But I suppose you can call me Sylvie if you-

Crusher: (On Giovanni's Line of the Call) PLEASE TO MEET YOU, SYLVIE THE SHEEP KID, MY NAME IS CRUSHER AND I LOVE MY BOSS TO PIECES!!

Giovanni: D'awwww~ I love you too, big guy~

Sylvie: Riiight.....So, back on the topic of Molly's father: Does he, by any chance, has yellow hair and beard, a green hawiian looking shirt, wearing socks and scandals together, and those small colored stars on that said beard?

Giovanni: Yeah, that fit the description alright. Why? You know him or something?

Sylvie: Not really. I saw him a few times on the day of that museum. He was so..... loud, obnoxious, and looked like he doesn't know a single concept of reality. And you're telling me that's the man whose a father of two? Ridiculous!

Giovanni: Exactly! And you wonder why he pisses me off so badly right now!

Crusher: (Nodded in Agreement)

Giovanni: (Takes Another Deep Breath) But....listen, Sylvie, I know what I'm doing right now is dumb and reckless on my part, hell, I keep having second thoughts about all of this more times than I can count! But when I started this whole villain gig, I made an oaf to protect, help, and be there for my minions each and every step of the way, Beartrap included. And there was no way I was gonna continue standing by let that little girl keep working herself to the bone while her so called "family" does little to nothing to help her out. She's still a kid, Sylvie. A kid that still has a whole life as being a kid ahead before the real word and adulthood comes in and take over. She deserves a lot more than a the crap she received. And if anyone who says otherwise will have to go through ME: VICENT MURDER! The new and upcoming villain Sweet Jazz City will EVER have the DISPLEASURE of meeting AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Crusher: (Applauds Giovanni's Introduction Performance While Wiping a Tear Away From.his Eyes) ('Sniff') That was so beautiful, Boss.....

Giovanni: (Smiles Brightly at Crusher) Thanks!~ I worked all night coming up with that one.

Crusher: You shouldn't stay up all night, Boss. You'll get tired out easily!

Giovanni: ('Groans While Rolling his Eyes') Oh come on, Crusher! How many do I have to tell ya- (Suddenly Let's Out a Loud Yawn Before Rubbing his Eyes a Little) I'll be fiiiine....

Crusher: See? You were just yawning right now. You ARE tired!

Giovanni: Dude, everyone has to yawn eventually. You gotta stop worrying about us all the time, big guy.

Sylvie had been silent as Gio and Crisher continues to go back and forth at one another about the importance of getting more sleep. And that's when young psychologist thinks to himself.....

What....what is happening right now? Is this really the same....loud, obnoxious troublemaker he met that night at museum a few days ago? I mean, he can tell that the guy cares about Molly some capacity, but to go this far as to take her away from a stressed-filled, dysfunctional place she used to call home and raising her as if she was his very own daughter?.....It sounds too good to be true and yet.....here we are, Giovanni Potage....doing the impossible. Maybe he was wrong about this guy all along. Maybe..........

But as of right now, he ultimately decided to keep all of this to himself. Fearing there might be a possible chance that the wannabe villain might try and rub it somehow.

Sylvie: ('Sigh') You really do care.....

Giovanni and Crusher finally stops their bickering as the resident soup man continues the call.

Giovanni: You said something, Sylvie?

Sylvie: Molly. You really care for her, do you?

Giovanni: Of course I care about Beartrap. I'll do anything for her and my Boyz. Preeeeetty sure we already established that already.

Sylvie: I know. I was just making sure is all. (Smiles a Little) She's.....lucky to have you guys in her life.

Giovanni: Awww~ (Smiles Brightly) I can say the same about you too, Sleeper!

Sylvie: Sleeper?

Giovanni: Yep! As of right now, I, Vincent Murder, has hereby enrolling you to our gang misfits!

Sylvie: Oh no. No no no. Hell. NO. I am NOT joining your crininal gang, Giovanni Potage!

Giovanni: Oh come on! You'll fit right in just fine! In fact, I can give you job as a Tech Wiz in charge ~

Sylvie: (Raises an Eyebrow) Tech Wiz, huh?

Giovanni: Yeah. You seem like the kind of guy who's skilled at computer stuff! You.....are good at computers stuff, right?

Sylvie: Well, I have taken three different computer classes in my first year of college with.....some success behind it.

Giovanni: Sounds good to me!

Sylvie: Didn't say I would agree to join, Giovanni.

Giovanni: Dude, just give it chance. You can do this whole Tech stuff behind the scenes so you don't have to join us on outside missions if ya don't want to. No problem. Plus, if you join, you can finally have the chance to hang out with Molly, whom talks about you a lot by the way.

Sylvie: (Eyes Widened in Genuine Surprise) R-Really?

Giovanni: (Smiles Softly) Yeah, man. She's been worried about you after that whole museum incident the other day-

Sylvie: Which you caused by the way.

Giovanni: Shut up. And to tis day, she wants nothing more than to come by your office to visit you. But alas, she fears that you would be far too busy for idle chit chat-

Sylvie: I'm not too busy!! (Immediately Clears his Throat as He Continues Speaking) I mean...Sure, I have patients and moutains of paperwork to complete.

Giovanni: Mountain shape Paperworks!?

Sylvie: ('Sigh') Yeah. It sucks. B-But besides all of that, my schedule isn't too hectic for the most part. So....if you guys really want to hang out with me, then.....(Starts Blushing a Little) I-I don't mind...

Giovanni: So does that mean you'll join our gang misfits?~

Sylvie: ('Sighs in Defeat') I guess. Sure.

Giovanni: Spendid! Our group is growing ever higher!

Sylvie: (Rolls his Eyes) And I couldn't be any happier. Just try not to cause too much attention in the public eye with your villain antics, alright?

Giovanni: Relax, kid. I'll be careful.

Crusher: (Taos on Giovanni's Shoulder) Um boss? It's time for us to go.

Giovanni: (Eyes Begins to Widened) Oh crap. Already?

Crusher: (Simply Nodded) Mmhmm.

Sylvie: Wait, are you guys going somewhere right now?

Giovanni: Yeah, it's time for Crusher and I to pick Beartrap up from school. Say, what time do you get off from your work or whatever?

Sylvie: Another hour. Why?

Giovanni: Do you wanna spend the rest of the day with us? We have movie night~

Crusher: WE'RE GONNA WATCH SMALLFOOT IN THEATERS!

Giovanni: We originally planned watch that new Puss in Boots movie at first, but a certain dingus who shall not be named- BEN! Brought us tickets to Smallfoot by mistake. So.....('Sigh') Fingers crossed for it to be good or whatever. In the meantime, we'll swing by your office once we gathered the rest of our Boyz.

Sylvie: Okay. I'll try and get myself ready by then. Be careful while in traffic though. It usually gets bigger whenever school is over with.

Giovanni: (Starts Walking Out the Door With Crusher Behind Him) Yeah, yeah mom. We'll be careful. Good thing about this is that Car Crash isn't driving for once.

Crusher: Mmhmm.

Giovanni: Anywho~ We'll see you in a little bit, Sleeper. Don't work yourself too the bone once we get there!

Sylvie: 'Kay, later.

'Call End'

Sylvie: (Sits Back in his Chair as He Looks Up at the Ceiling Sighing) So I guess I'm a villain now, huh? Not the most crazy life-changing moment in my so far, but......it's something. Although.....Having Sleeper as a codename doesn't sound too bad....Better than being called Sheep Boi, that's for sure.

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@jelloapocalypse

@epithet-erased-textposts

[styrmwb]

Favorite Final Fantasy Music (FFXIV - Heavensward)

something something award-winning something something It's the first expansion!!! Heavensward admittedly isn't my favorite out of all of XIV soundtrack-wise, and it really was hard to not just make this Favorite Alexander Music, but like, it still rocks, and the only reason I feel like this is cause the vibes just aren't mine stupid religion elves how dare they hate dragons; it's still amazing. Let's jump (like a dragoon!) right into the list!

5. Voidal Manifest I love the Void Ark music. I love the organ and the melody, and this is my favorite song in the entire raid. The crazed, skittering nature of a lot of the instruments, the choir, and the really cool waltz section: it's all super cool. I also really love the short intermission before the song loops again, where it has the melody play really quickly with like, evil christmas instruments?? It's just a really fun song to listen to.

4. Heavy Rain This is probably the strangest pick I have in this list, and I bet not a lot of people ever paid attention to it. This plays exclusively in the top of the Sea of Clouds, in the very small enemy Vanu Vanu area. It's just, a banger for no reason? Extremely fun rhythm, making the otherwise slower melody really upbeat and bouncy. I love the really strange noises in the backing, as well as the marimba heading the song. Heavy Rain is a really addicting song, and I wish it played in more areas that I was more commonly in so I could hear it more also insert joke about team aqua and kyogre

3. Metal When I was really starting my XIV fever, I would listen to the soundtrack, seeing what might be ahead; Metal was the standout during that time for sure. I was so excited to reach the Alexander raids to listen to this song alone, and GODDAMN do those raids not disappoint! The entire raid is full of bangers!!!! The intro with the anvil striking noises as well as the rhythmic guitar really giving that machine vibe, and Koji Fox's voice sounding like a robot as well??? It's so cool. I love how similar to my previous favorite primal songs, this song sounds like it's sung by the summoners of the primal, in this case the Goblins, being entirely sung in gobbiespeak, these silly little words threatening to break and maim and end you with various machine onomatopoeia being thrown in? It's such a cool song, I love singing along to it. A part I really like that I want to point out to other than like, the rest of the song, is "THE END OHHHH THE END Y E S THE ENNND".

2. Fiend Fiend is something that I would listen to on the radio growing up; this is some fuckin hot topic 2000s edge metal, and I love it (I know the technical genre is nu metal/industrial metal, but I just find it funny calling it hot topic music). This song slaps; it uses a lot of really cool noises, the lyrics are super fun to listen to, especially with that really heavy beating in the background. I absolutely love the chorus, something about how it sounds is addicting to my ears. Lore/meaning wise, it's really cool how this song gives more character to Sephirot, giving him that corrupting nature to create dependence and a power dynamic, like a devil (even though he's the fiend and not the demon). Shoutouts to this song also having Powerman 5000 say "you stole our song" (it does sound similar).

1. Rise As I've pretty much said twice now already; The Alexander raids have the best music in this entire expansion. Hell, if it wasn't for Pandaemonium existing (spoilers for later), it would easily be my favorite raid soundtrack in the entire game. Rise is an absolutely outstanding finale to this amazing raid featuring one of my favorite summons in the entire series. That intro alone: the siren noise as this giant machine shoots a fucking laser at you, and Alexander Prime himself revealing his wings ala FFIX when the lyrics pop in, it's amazing. Absolute props to Koji Fox for his rapping in this song ("Keep the lightning bottled, throttled, throttle to the finish" in that short time??? holy shit?????). The singing really is my favorite part of this song, especially the chorus with A TO THE L TO THE E-X ANDER it's so fucking cool! The instrumental isn't the main star of the song for sure, but it makes a perfect support to the lyrics. The guitar and drums just give that rock that you can bang your head to. I love in the Primals version where they also interrupt the song midway through with Stasis Loop, just like the fight. It's a final boss song I would have never expected going into this game originally. (SONIC BOOM!)

Honorable mentions go to: Teardrops in the Rain (literally almost made it), Solid, Jewel, The Hand That Gives The Rose, Unbending Steel, Limitless Blue, Woe That Is Madness, Ink Long Dry, Aetherpause; Sins of the Father, Sins of the Son; Locus, Metal - Brute Justice Mode, Exponential Entropy, Moebius (basically the entire Alexander OST), Equilibrium, Penultimania, and Infinity.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, I have a number of things to go on about, and they’re vaguely related so I’m going to see if I can tie them together in one post.

It’s related to the extremely irritating issue of offensive material in comedy, and how much of it can be justified with irony, and whether intent matters. If anyone wants to understandably skip that because it passed the point of “re-hashed too many times” about thirty years ago and is somehow still going, then I understand. It’s a topic I’ve previously re-hashed on this blog, but not for a while, really, and I think that’s good. I think the good way to go through life, for the sake of my own emotional state and for just not contributing to a world that gives too much attention to toxic shit, is to enjoy what I like and ignore the rest.

In general, I do that much better than I used to. I used to have a bad habit of hate reading/watching things. When the Jordan Peterson issue comes up and people say “Well the people who criticize him haven’t even listened to him!” I can say actually, fuck you, I’ve listened to hours and hours and hours of his lectures on YouTube, just so I could say I don’t criticize things without knowing exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t do that, by the way. Waste of time. The people who think none of his critics have ever actually heard his arguments won’t be swayed by little things like the fact that it isn’t true. And getting the painstakingly long full context doesn’t make any of the soundbites seem more reasonable. Contrary to what everyone says, the full version of him is the story the soundbites tell, but in a form that’s mind-numbingly boring and pointlessly convoluted.

Anyway. That is not the point, this post isn’t actually about Jordan Peterson at all. The point is that I don’t do shit like that anymore, at least not regularly. Not for a long time. Not usually. It’s a waste of time, so I don’t. Usually. But in the last few weeks, I have done a bit of watching people be assholes on YouTube, specifically of the comedy variety, and I have some thoughts about that. So that’s this post. Feel free to skip it.

So, it started with Alun Cochrane. I was watching his clips from back when he was doing fun observational material about locking families in his basement, and from there, ended up on the side of him that’s started to go darker. I went on about that trajectory in another rambling post a few weeks ago, so no need to go over it all again now. The summary is that he used to do apolitical stuff (as apolitical as anything can be, at least) and generally seem pretty cool, and in about 2019 he started going a bit “well we have to consider that the bigots who don’t believe in food for low-income children make some good points, lets be fair and centrist about this”, and seems to have gone quite a bit further that way over the course of COVID.

In trying to work out what happened there, I ended up following him to the Comedy Unleashed YouTube channel, and a performance he did for them. I won’t link to it, or even get specific about anything else in this post, because I really don’t want to give them more attention. I already gave them some clicks and views, and that’s more than enough. All I need to say is it’s a YouTube channel for a promotion that puts on comedy shows for the free-thinking free speechists or whatever. They bill themselves that way, and everyone understands that it means it’s a place for comedians who are too right-wing for the regular comedy circuit, and comedy fans who are tired of comedy not made by assholes. Oh, and it’s for comedians who couldn’t make it as far as they wanted on the regular comedy circuit, and would like to enter a smaller and less competitive market. How do you tell the difference between that and the first type of comedian you see there? There are ways to make a guess, signs that could point one way or the other, but really, you can almost never know for sure. Does it fucking matter? Not really, I’d argue.

If someone is performing at a gig like that, and actively courting attention, laughs, and ticket sales from the sort of people who attend a gig like that, it doesn't really matter what their internal motivations are. The two options are different. In one case they’re just a shitty person from the beginning, and in the other case they’ve cynically sold out on a moral level. They're shitty either way. Neither type is justified, even if they're different.

But I am interested in the difference between people who’d knowingly do a gig like that, and people who might do that kind of material, without thinking about its wider implications. Or maybe they have thought about its implications, and they truly believe it’s justified, it’s not appealing to people who truly believe shitty things, we all get the irony, we get that it’s just a joke.

I’ve heard a million times that “intent is irrelevant”, when it comes to impact, and that’s true. I like this analogy about stepping on someone’s foot – it doesn’t matter if you meant to do it or not, you still hurt them and still need to stop. But if someone steps on my foot, I do care whether they did it on purpose. Not because if it was an accident, I’ll just let them keep standing there. I’ll tell them to stop, and if they say, “How dare you woke SJWs tell me how to live my life?” and step on it harder, then they can fuck off. But if they say, “Oh shit, sorry, didn’t see you there,” and get out of the way, then that’s a helpful thing for me to know. My foot hurts just as much as it would have if they’d done it on purpose, but I have useful information for the future. I know I don’t need to avoid this person, because they don't go around trying to step on people’s feet. I might get along with this person. It’s not a fundamental flaw in their character, it’s not a person who’s looking to hurt people. If I’m ever going to see them again, I want to know that.

I used to give people the benefit of the doubt a lot more than I do these days. It used to be that if I saw something shitty, I’d immediately make the most charitable assumption, and then try to prove it right. But every time that gets proven wrong, I get quicker to judge.

So, back to how that applies to comedy. I’d love to say my view of offensive comedy is that I just don’t like anyone who says mean things on stage, across the board. But that isn’t true (for me, at least – any comedy fans who do feel that way are probably better off). It can be really funny when someone’s an asshole on stage, if we know they don’t mean it. But if that’s the rule, then intent does matter. I need to know whether they meant it, whether they live that way.

A couple of years ago, when I first watched the Big Fat Quizzes, I remember using one of Jimmy Carr’s autocue jokes as an example of that. He said: “It’s incredibly important that we stop polar ice caps from melting. Because if they disappear, where am I going to hunt polar bears?” It’s not a great joke, but I have to admit, it’s all right for a Jimmy Carr joke. Made me laugh a bit. I posted a screenshot of it at the time, saying this can illustrate how to judge whether it’s acceptable to say shitty things in comedy. As it stands, that’s an all right joke. If it ever comes out that Jimmy Carr actually does hunt polar bears for sport, or if that joke were told by a different person, and that person actually did hunt polar bears for sport, then it wouldn’t be funny. So context does matter, even context that goes beyond just what happened on that stage before and after the joke.

That is my, admittedly flimsy, justification for why I can laugh at some of the most horrifying things Frankie Boyle said on early Mock the Week (my love for Frankie Boyle would be so much easier to justify if I could say I only liked him after he got older and made his act more targeted at those who deserve it, but I’m sorry to say I like it all), but not like it when Jimmy Carr says almost the same thing. Yeah, Jimmy Carr doesn’t really mean it any more than Frankie Boyle does, but Jimmy Carr courts ticket sales and laughs from people who do really mean that stuff, in a way that I don’t think Frankie Boyle ever did, even back in the day. I think. It’s not a perfect justification, but it’s what I’ve got right now. Though a few YouTube comments on old Frankie Boyle videos are enough to disprove it pretty fast. I might need to come up with something better.

Okay, how’s this for a justification? I think Frankie Boyle is an example of someone who does go around thinking about whether he’s stepping on people’s feet. Who used to truly believe that he wasn’t doing harm, and then thought about it more, and now takes more care. I believe that’s what happened because it’s what he told us happened. You either believe that’s what happened or you believe Frankie Boyle’s been lying for years (which some people do believe, and I can understand why someone could think that), but I haven’t made it up. He has written lots of articles about how he started reconsidering his targets, the way almost all his comedy came from hating “the system”, and he tries to think about the fact that hitting already vulnerable targets isn’t railing against “the system” that he hates, it’s playing right into its hands. And he doesn’t want to do that, but he does want to still make comedy that does something with all his anger, and he cares about doing that right.

This sort of thing is why Frankie Boyle appeals so much to me personally, as a woke SJW who wants to protect the vulnerable, but is also a big fan of angry vulgar comedy. There’s not a lot of crossover between angry vulgar comedy and comedy that is responsible in the way I care about, but Frankie Boyle is trying to work out how to do it, and I love that. There’s a bit on one of his DVD shows in which Frankie Boyle says he wishes we had a totally equal society, just so he could say horrible things about absolutely everyone and it wouldn’t be playing into the system’s hands, because the system isn’t trying to hurt anyone. He said that maybe someday he’ll do a gig in Sweden, known for its equitable living standards, so he can just unload on everyone. But in the meantime, he has to take context and marginalization into account.

That’s a better explanation I have for why I like Frankie Boyle, but it really only covers a certain era. It doesn’t justify the version of him that said horrible things to the mother of a kid with Down Syndrome, and then called Mark Watson a cunt for suggesting that they should do the exact thing that Frankie Boyle started talking about doing just a few years later, which is think critically about targets and who comedy hurts. For the record, I have never tried and would never try to defend that specific action from Frankie Boyle, my only defence for why I can like him despite that is I don’t think he’d stand by it today.

Anyway. My ongoing efforts to justify Mock the Week-era Frankie Boyle (to justify my enjoyment of him, I should say – I have no desire to justify him generally to anyone who doesn’t like him) are not what got me to write this particular post. What got me to do that was I ended up watching a bunch more Comedy Unleashed videos, after I first went there for Alun Cochrane. I know I shouldn’t have, I know things like that thrive on a hate watch-based view count, I don’t do this much anymore, but I did do it a few weeks ago. I wanted to see what they were saying. I wanted to see if I could understand where any of them were coming from. I wanted to try to guess who was there because they really believed in the ideals and who had gotten so sick of waiting for Mock the Week to call that they’d decided to just sell out.

Honestly, it’s not a bad game. I mean, it’s a bad game for the world, but it’s not bad as a way to pass the time. Watch the comedians who aren’t playing the game anymore. The ones who aren’t saying offensive shit and then justifying it with, “No, come on, it’s ironic!” They don’t need to justify it, because that’s what the crowd came to hear. This gig was advertised in a way to draw in all those shitty people who want to see their voice in the media. You can watch it and play Guess The Comedians’ Motivations. How many years did this person spend waiting for a call from Mock the Week before they gave up and started doing this shit?

There are context clues that can help with that game, and I sometimes find it genuinely interesting to see what they used to be. I guess the big one, the guy who was way ahead of the curve, jumping ship before it was cool, would be Andrew Lawrence. The guy whose YouTube videos start appearing in my recommendations if I do too much hate watching of anything. YouTube already knows I’m into British comedy, so if I watch a bunch of right-wing bullshit, it becomes convinced that what I what to see is British comedy and right-wing bullshit. And then my recommendations become a sea of Andrew Lawrence and Russell Brand. And – and this is interesting, as it’s a phenomenon that started relatively recently but is noticeable – the Russell Howard’s starting to increase alongside them. But that’s another issue.

I find the Andrew Lawrence story genuinely interesting, from the messed up part of me that finds any of this interesting. Because he used to be a regular comedian! He was trying to make it in the same circuit as everyone else for a long time. Then on one day in 2014, he decided to go on a Facebook rant (I won’t link that either, if you don’t know the story you can Google it, or better yet, don’t bother), and in one fell swoop cut off all his mainstream options. It’s a hell of a decision, one full of some very specifically targeted shots at Mock the Week, so that’s why I’m using “gave up waiting to get invited on Mock the Week” as my go-to example for why a comedian would go that way. Because it could not be clearer that that’s what pushed Andrew Lawrence over the edge. Got mad that he didn’t get asked on there, spewed a bunch of vitriol about how it’s the fault of the women and the people of colour (he did not use the term “people of colour”), made it so he could never do that sort of thing, but did gather an audience of all the right-wing people who don’t have a lot of comedians to enjoy these days. It’s a smaller audience, but there are fewer comedians competing for it, so it’s an option for people who don’t think they can make it otherwise.

Incidentally, Andrew Lawrence did make a hilarious video right after it was announced that Mock the Week would end in 2022. He calls multiple regulars out by name. He references Frankie Boyle, who hasn’t been there since 2009. He calls the host “Dara O’Brien”, really leaning into the “ii-en”, even though obviously he knows how to pronounce Dara’s name, it’s a name that’s clearly been keeping him awake at night for fifteen years. I won’t link to that either, but if you want a good laugh… I normally don’t recommend giving more views to that bullshit, but this one is so funny that it’s worth breaking that rule. It’s incredibly fucking funny. I won’t link it but you can look it up if you want to laugh.

The thing that actually got me writing this post is I was listening to an old recording of a multi-act comedy show from 2014, and I heard someone who’s on Comedy Unleashed in 2022. I was initially surprised to hear his name, but I thought about how long ago it was, and how much things have changed. If you watch Stewart Lee’s Alternative Comedy Experience TV show, Andrew Lawrence’s name is often on that sign that appears outside the comedy club at the beginning of the episodes. The list of names changes, but Lawrence’s name is there a lot. Which is weird, because he doesn’t actually appear in the show. I read somewhere that he recorded material for the show that didn’t make the final cut, which does seem likely, given that his name is all over it.

That show aired in 2013 and 2014, just before he went on his Facebook rant. Actually, now that I think about it, that coincides so closely that learning he’d been cut from that TV show could have been part of the reason he decided to burn his bridges. There was also a split with his management company or something, I don’t know exactly, but I do probably know too much about the situation.

The point is that lots of comedians who are doing the unapologetically right-wing thing these days were doing mainstream shows in 2014 (Stewart Lee would argue that that was not a mainstream show, but it was on TV and run by one of the most popular comedians of this generation, whether he likes it or not). If I’m using Alternative Comedy Experience as an example, Tony Law was all over that show, and he’s on Comedy Unleashed now. Same with Alun Cochrane, for that matter. Those two are both the sort of people who, in 2014, were also doing the type of gig that I was listening to today. The particular one I heard today featured Lewis Schaeffer, another comedian who’s on that right-wing circuit now. He’s gone properly that way, more than most. He’s on Comedy Unleashed and on GB News.

I’m avoiding writing too many specifics, partly because I try to avoid writing about any of the less-than-above-board comedy recordings I’ve been hearing lately (though I am four pages into this post and pretty confident that pretty much no one is reading it, I could say anything here, James Acaster is very good but a bit overrated, my brother’s told me some good gossip about Daniel Sloss that I wish I could make a post about but I don’t because I try to be responsible - see, doesn’t matter, I can admit things like that because no one’s here), and partly because I don’t want to give it more attention. Obviously this post in itself is lots of attention, but I don’t want to get too into the specifics of the shitty things he said, because there’s no need to amplify that shit. Basically, the stuff he said on Comedy Unleashed involved trans women. It wasn’t good.

I heard him come on to this gig from 2014, and I realized it made sense for him to be on that respectable stage back then, because it was before he went off in that bad direction. Can't blame them for having him on, they didn't know what he'd become. But then I heard him tell almost the same story he told on Comedy Unleashed. The one about trans women.

At first I was very surprised, because this is a show by people I respect, and I didn’t expect them to condone that sort of comedy. But then I listened more closely, and realized that if you strip it of context, I can see how it sounds okay. If I didn’t know this guy would go on to be a GB News pundit and everything else, if I didn’t know he’d go on to tell this same story in front of an audience that was genuinely out for trans people’s blood, I could read it as ironic. Also, there were a few differences. In front of the right-wing crowd in recent years, he made a few more direct references to the “trans movement” or whatever, being more explicit in what he was saying. When he told the story years ago, he was more ambiguous. He played on a couple of harmful tropes, but he didn’t tie it to larger issues. He suggested that he was the butt of the joke, not a marginalized group. It was essentially the same material, but with a few more layers of irony and some of the most clearly bigoted comments not included.

That, to me, is such a stark example of how thin the line is between “ironic bigotry” and genuine bigotry. I think if I’d been at that gig in 2014, I’d have thought I understood that he wasn’t actually talking about transgender people, he was just making a joke. I might have found it funny, if I’d seen it stripped of context. In this case, that context was some shit that wouldn’t happen until years later. That context was me seeing him tell the same joke, with just a few modifications, in front of an unironically transphobic crowd, and get laughs from it. That makes me reconsider any “ironically bigoted” jokes that I might enjoy when they get told today, that I’ll listen to with charitable assumptions, believing those people don’t really mean it.

When I was in high school, my friends were into The IT Crowd. I didn’t watch all of it – I didn’t end up watching the whole show until 2020 – but I did watch a few episodes of it with my friends back in the day. One of the episodes that I watched when it aired in 2008 was the one in which Matt Berry dates a trans woman. You know, the horrifying one. And the one that started it all for Graham Linehan. It's worth remembering that all of Graham Linehan's bullshit started with backlash from just one episode of The IT Crowd.

In high school, my best friend was a trans girl. She came out to me in 2006 and we graduated in 2008, and while 2022 is still not an easy time to be transgender, 2006-2008 was worse. She and I both watched the IT Crowd trans episode, and we cringed our way through it. It wasn’t good. But we didn’t let it ruin our enjoyment of the show. And at this point, I’m mostly including her perspective to try to justify why I was willing to overlook it – I know it’s bad, but my friend who actually was trans was overlooking it too. It was just how things were, because it was 2008. Not that that was okay - fuck anyone who says, “This was okay back then.” It wasn’t okay. But it was normalized. It seemed okay, because there was nothing better.

It was normalized enough so I could watch it, even in 2020, and say, “Well shit, this is fucking bad, but, okay, I guess they hadn’t thought about it.” That was my charitable assumption. When I re-watched the episode in 2020, I cringed again, it was really bad, but I watch lots of bad stuff that makes me cringe. I just think, “Okay, they’re probably not setting out to cause harm, just get through this bit and move on.” In 2008, there was so little trans visibility that it is conceivable that the episode was written by someone who just hadn’t thought about the fact that it took aim at real people. He could have just stepped on a foot by accident. That means someone’s foot still got hurt, but it doesn’t mean it was written by someone who goes around intentionally hurting people.

Obviously, that is not the case. Not long after I finished re-watching The IT Crowd in 2020, I came across the whole fucking Graham Linehan mess, and learned that the foot-stepping was very much intentional. Or maybe it still wasn’t, at first. He may well not have originally written that episode for the purpose of being an asshole. But he’s the person who steps on a foot by accident, gets told to get off the person’s foot, and says, “Fuck you, I’ll step wherever the fuck I want.” And then goes a giant campaign to step on every foot possible, in the most painful possible ways, specifically targeting the most vulnerable and marginalized feet. He dedicates his whole fucking life to stepping on feet, just because someone asked him not to.

But without context, that episode seemed… overlookable. It seemed bad, painfully transphobic, but I could gloss over that for a good show (the fact that The IT Crowd isn't really that good a show is a separate issue). I could make charitable assumptions, and guess that he didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Like with the Lewis Schaeffer bit in 2014, when he told that weird story about a woman with a penis, left the stage, and got praised by people I respect. People whom I truly believe would not have been cool with it if they knew he would go on to use that bit to intentionally spread hate. I think I would have seen it as acceptable, back in 2014. Not because I didn’t care about trans people back then, but because I’d have believed it was ironic.

Okay, that’s what I’ve got on this subject. I’m not sure if it’s quite coherent, and I don’t know if it comes together to make my point very well. But I think my point is that I’m finding my tolerance for ironic bigotry getting lower than it used to be. I don’t know. I’m thinking of the Marc Maron joke in which he claims all men want to have sex with teenage girls, which I initially thought was actually a decent joke – as someone who works with a lot of teenagers, I find that an accurate parody of the sort of gross stuff that gets said by men who creep on teenage girls. Good send-up of men like that, solid joke. Is what I thought, until I learned that Marc Maron does have a reputation for dating much younger women. Right, okay, it wasn’t a send-up, it was a comedian expressing his actual views. Well fuck you then. That’ll teach me to make charitable assumptions.

I think that’s my point. I recently posted a Josie Long quote: “There is no space for irony in these dark times. Stop ironically saying the words, we’re all just hearing the fucking words.” I think my point is that Josie Long is right. It’s fucking jarring to think something’s ironic and then realize it isn’t. And if comedians want to say terrible things “ironically”, it should be on them to prove that they don’t really mean it, instead of on us to prove they do. I think my point might just be that Josie Long is right about everything.

Still working on how to square this point with how much I like to get drunk and re-watch Frankie Boyle-era Mock the Week. But, genuinely, my answer to that is that he has gone on to show he cares about this stuff. If Lewis Schaeffer or Graham Linehan can retroactively make their stuff unjustifiable by proving they really did hold those awful views, then surely Frankie Boyle can retroactively show he really was always being ironic. Doesn’t explain the time he called Mark Watson a cunt for questioning him, though (I single that out as particularly indefensible not because I think it's worse when he's mean to other famous people than to marginalized groups, but because the Mark Watson thing is something he said while not "in character", while not joking, while not claiming there was any irony, and while being several different shades of hypocrite about it). I’ve got nothing on that. If anyone wants to hate Frankie Boyle for that alone, I dan’t blame them for one second.

[springvaletales]

((Session 55 is wrapped!))

We have everyone available for the first time in nearly a month, so I’m going to try to cut the Lightbell shenanigans short and hustle everybody into the Library of Pax Achillies for some required Story Bits before I lose this chance.

Bagelby: “Did y’all hear the narrator? We’re going to a lighthouse!!”

Somehow the conversation pivoted from bullying the local vigilante to Bone Daddy and why he’s hot.

Now the topic is ‘Which Batman Villain Would My PC Be’, because someone joked that if they bullied Whitescale 2.0 anymore, he was going to go Joker on them.

Ena watched Whitescale 2,0 leave as the party argues OOC.

New restaurant and NPC: Patricia Pound, dwarven owner and head chef of Patricia’s Pancake Pyramid, an all-day breakfast restaurant in Port Covekeel, Salance. Created solely bc the drunk party member cried about wanting pancakes and I needed to get them moving.

“Look, it’s very easy to make food sexy.”

Thiori’s player refuses to accept that he specifically said “I give ALL my gold to these kobold” last session and thus has no gold left to go around tipping random strangers at the public bus stop and keeps arguing with me about it. I am honestly about to scream just gET ON THE FUCKING WAGON-

Bagelby spent the entire wagon ride badgering the 20-something wagon driver about his life.

“Because the light hurts too much and you can’t turn off the sun, you invent sunglasses.”

The instant Bagelby saw the port’s three - three! - lighthouses, he abandoned the group to run across town and dive right into the bay.

The party sent Thiori to drag him back, but when Thiori caught up to Bagelby, he just…kept swimming.

A resigned Asahi cast Levitate on Ena so that Ena could float across the water, and dove into the water herself.

Lex also decided to swim, as her new, god-given muscles made it quite easy, and Sir Carl Jaeger had to strip out of his armor to avoid drowning as he swam after them.

Bagelby, rolling for perception: “….that is a 2.”

Me: “You find a cool rock.”

So absorbed was Bagelby in his cool rock find that he didn’t notice Y.A.W. standing in the lighthouse doorway until Thiori had picked him up and carried him halfway up the stairs.

Before opening the portal to the Library of Pax Achilles at the top of the lighthouse, Y.A.W. warned the party not to overstay their welcome, lest they become a part of the library itself.

Being the Head Librarian at the Kendaran Royal Palace Library is apparently just a side hustle for Dynamite, Head Librarian of the Library of Pax Achillies, Demigod of Knowledge, and 13th Son of Machina, Goddess of Innovation and Deceit.

Bagelby, horrified: “No….no! It can’t be! How did YOU get here?!”

Dynamite handcuffed Bagelby to Asahi to force her to chaperone him, forced Ena to wear a hazmat suit to keep her fire away from the books, and demanded collateral from the party in return for temporary library cards.

Sir Carl Jaeger left one of his rings as collateral, Asahi left one of her enchanted glass figurines from Redfeather City.

Dynamite demanded Maritza as collateral from Bagelby, to the party’s genuine horror.

To keep Maritza company, Thiori handed over Saiorse. Dynamite then pulled out a mimic of her own, so all three could have a playdate.

Lex tried to hand over her deity-given weapon, but Dynamite looked her up and down and waved her through.

After a very sad puppy look from Lex, she sighed, and took the Rod of Guffaw as collateral.

Once everyone in the party had been given a temporary library card, Dynamite led them around the circulation desk to a massive tome - one that required both of her paws to open - and spun it around to face them.

The book itself is blank, but when you place your palm on its page and firmly state what information you’re looking for, the pages write themselves with the library wing, wing section, aisle number, shelf letter, and shelf section of the book that best matches your request.

Once your query has been processed, the book spits out a little map showing you how to reach the specific shelves from the circulation desk. None of the shelves on the party’s many maps seem to match.

Dynamite, very sternly: “Wipe your hands before you touch my book.”

Bagelby wants to find: Information on “how to un-steal a soul”.

Ena wants to find: Information on Genasi (specifically of the air variety) marriage customs. Book got confused and gave her dragon lore as well.

Sir Carl Jaeger wants to find: Information about Chessifer, his missing squire.

Lex wants to find: Information on her home country, [name unknown].

Thiori wants to find: A shit ton of crafting recipes.

Asahi wants to find: Literally ALL the lore her list went on for twelve NPCs five cities and six major historical events I’m gonna have to cut things down just for the sake of time.

It took Bagelby several attempts to get his answer recognized by the reference book, as he kept amending his request when the information brought up was not what he wanted.

Ena, about Thiori fighting Krell 1v1: “You have the high ground!”

Thiori, horrified: “Yes, but he has the high chairs!”

Asahi asked if they could speak to Pax Achilles, and Dynamite insisted that NOBODY disturbed the demigod unless the world was ending.

Asahi: “About that….does a giant magical chaos tree growing out of a dimensional rift count as world-ending?”

Dynamite:

As soon as Dynamite stormed off to get Pax Achilles, Bagelby ran back to the reference book, slammed his hand on the page and asked it a dozen and a half more questions, including: “how to become a librarian in 6 easy steps” and “why is money?”.

We left off with the party going their separate ways to find their requested books, leaving me with a LOT more lore to develop in about a week.

[kaylawritesfics]

okay I'm here with a jasper hale request - reader is a human but with gifts like the other vampires (idk what it could be, telekinesis or something??) but she was good at keeping it hidden until jasper found out ... anyways for some reason she nearly dies so they have to turn her and her abilities become a lot more powerful (I'm pretty sure that's what happens when a human with gifts is turned... right?) anyways um I don't mind which part of that mess you focus on or if it's all of it? Also I hope that made sense lol :)

Dating Jasper Hale and Having A Gift

headcanon

summary: what it’s like to date jasper hale while having a pretty powerful gift

pairing: jasper hale x reader

warnings: swearing

note: this gif of jasper has me in a trance i miss my favorite vampire cowboy !! we need more fics for him right now !! also i did this as a hc i hope that’s alright !! also a bit of an au where jas and alice have only ever just been friends and jas is good at controlling his blood lust

From the moment the Cullens saw you, they could all tell something was incredibly different about you. No matter how hard you attempted to hide yourself, (sitting alone at lunch, avoiding others as much as you possibly could, etc.) you couldn’t escape the boring stares of the Cullen family.

You had psychokineses, meaning you could move things without physically touching them. You were fairly good at hiding it, going nearly your entire life without anyone discovering your secret.

Until, you met Jasper Hale. The Cullens had collectively agreed that Jasper was the best person to approach you, considering the two of you shared a few classes.

After a bit of time and a lot of trust built between the two of you, both of you agreed to come clean about the obvious secrets you were withholding. It’s safe to say Jasper’s secret was a bit more shocking.

He lets you take time to process the fact that he and his entire family were vampires, answering any questions you had and doing his best to make you comfortable.

He thinks that your power is so cool?? He’s met plenty of vampires with cool powers (hell, he thought his was pretty cool, too) but none of them came close to rivaling yours. You could literally move things with your mind???

Jasper’s your best friend and he would never dream of breaking your trust, but he also knows that he has to tell his family about your power. He would probably bring it up to you first, paying close attention to your emotions to assess how you feel about it.

He’s so excited to tell his family about you !! He talks about you for weeks before he actually brings you home. By this point, everyone is so fed up with Jasper’s consistent topic of conversation.

Alice immediately loves you !! She’s probably the least annoyed with Jasper when he starts talking about you all the time. She definitely saw you coming so she’s been waiting to meet you for months !! She’s so welcoming and kind, even though she may come off a little strong at first. She’s definitely already seen you and Jasper getting together and she’s so excited.

Carlisle and Esme are also super excited to meet you !! They would immediately take you under their wing. You’re basically a Cullen from the moment Jasper brings you home. Jasper isn’t usually so talkative so they knew you must be pretty special !!

Rosalie and Edward were definitely the most annoyed with Jasper. Every time Jasper brings you up, Rosalie is filled with a murderous rage. Plus, Edward can read Jasper’s thoughts so it’s 10x worse for him than everyone else. It was cute at first, but now they’re both regretting every decision they’ve ever made that led them to this.

They’re both fairly welcoming, though !! Rosalie is thankful that she doesn’t have to hear Jasper talk about you anymore and Edward thinks your telekinesis is pretty cool.

Emmett is so fucking stoked to meet you?? He was definitely the most engaged every time Jasper would bring you up. He’s been so excited to meet you and he thinks your power is so awesome. He would definitely ask to see it a million times, begging you to attempt to move all sorts of things with your mind.

You spend a good amount of time with the Cullens.

With a push from Alice and a lot of teasing from Emmett, Jasper finally builds up the courage to ask you out !! Of course, you say “yes.”

Carlisle helps you gain more control over your telekinesis. He likes to push you to see how strong your powers are.

After a particularly bad encounter with a few vampires from an opposing coven, you’re left on the brink of death. Carlisle has no choice but to turn you.

It was something you and Jasper had brought up before, engrossed for hours in the idea of spending eternity by each other’s sides.

After you turn, you feel your powers become so much stronger than they were before. The Cullens are all pretty impressed.

Emmett makes it a competition to see who can lift the heaviest objects, you using your telekinesis and him using his brute strength. The game is quickly put to an end when Emmett almost drops Carlisle’s car on his head.

Jasper loves training with you !! He’s always thought your telekinesis was cool, but after you turn it’s increased tenfold.

Jasper just loves having you around !! Your awesome powers are totally a bonus !!

[bakasara]

I think it's fair to celebrate that we're now seeing queer genre stories featuring middle-aged actors/characters in addition to queer teen dramas, and I welcome that observation – but if I may, that wasn't exactly the point here!

Moving away from Western heteronormative consumerist beauty standards is part of the discourse, but it's not strictly necessary that your leads be 50 to do it.

The difference here is with media that, at its core, sells the dream of an ideal capitalist subject through conservative, heteronormative, sexually sanitized depictions of human connection and meaning-making.

All the coolness and the sexiness that kind of media is selling is entirely superficial; it follows solely the logic of consumerism, it corresponds to no substance underneath, to nothing of human value, to a careful avoidance of anything that could ever twist anything in anyone's guts.

On the one hand, it is following a principle that airbrushed-but-sexless is polite and non-upsetting to the minimum common denominator of consumerism: your average puritanical USamerican conservative, whether he identifies as right wing or as center-left liberal. The marvel movie (and its alike narratives) is not there to be in any way thought-provoking, or destabilizing of the status quo.

On the other hand, this kind of depiction also speaks to the well-established capitalist principle that the subject has to be empty for you to sell "it" a product. A subject that is stripped of meaningful ways of making connections (of all kinds) with others will fill the void with products that afford quick, short-term satisfaction. It's the logic that takes you from "societies everywhere have always put shit on their faces for decoration and social communication" to "the modern-day make-up industry".

Whereas narratives like OFMD have something of value to say about all these things like masculinity and sexuality and desire, and how they go into human connection. I picked the two images up there because to me they depict two characters who are fantasizing about each other sexually, among other connotations to their fantasies. The point of origin was the objects carried by dream!Ed and dream!Stede in these fantasies having phallic implications. Not in a pop Freudian "any elongated object is a penis" way, but based on the actual larger context of these scenes.

Stede has just been stabbed in the gut, but he re-lives the event in his fevered dream as dream!Blackbeard stabbing him instead. We don't see where, but metaphorically it's through the heart, sealing Stede's fate to fall in love with him. That attraction towards Blackbeard has a definitive erotic component to it, though, as much as any stabbing between Ed and Stede is later clarified to be erotic– with the 1x06 stabbing scene playing out as Ed teaching Stede how to sexually penetrate him/another man.

Something similar goes for Merman!Stede. He's obviously a romantic fantasy, but we know that Ed sees Stede as the best person to enjoy life with, that Ed values sex as a meaningful pleasure in life, and by putting two and two together, that he's wanting to have sex with Stede. It's not surprising that a fantasy where a beautiful, safe, loving Stede comes to save him from the brink of death would carry some erotic imagery with it.

In both cases, erotic desire and sexual intimacy are simply a part of how these characters experience significant connections to others/each other. These are far from the only examples of this rhetoric in OFMD, and the point the show keeps making is that it's fucking fine. It's ok to give it importance. It's a normal and healthy part of human life – a non-universal, but common enough experience, that is as legitimate as any other way of making meaning.

Look– to offer another facet to the topic– I remember picking up Prodigal Son at one point, because Michael Sheen was in it. The premise is that there's this Special Detective with Disorders (the son) who has to consult with the Genius Psychopath Serial Killer (his father). The family is upper-class, they have like a whole mansion or whatever, the women have beach waves, all the tropes of the genre are played straight and the way it's shot is super conventional, as are all the dialogues and plot beats. I remember I'd keep thinking, "Wow, this show wants so much to be the pop Hannibal, the version of Hannibal that goes mainstream instead of becoming a queer niche cult classic".

But you can't make a pop Hannibal. When Hannibal-the-series shows you these hyper-polished characters, Hannibal Lecter in primis, it's not playing that straight. The shots are experimental for a reason, the artistic exaggerations are deliberate, the dialogue convoluted on purpose. The contrast between "Hannibal as the rich, white, respectable host, esteemed doctor in psychiatry" and "Hannibal as the human-devouring monster" is studiously emphasized through the black humor that cuts across the show. The ultimate rhetoric behind Hannibal was that, stripped of social conventions dictating the appropriate boundaries we keep not to inglobate one another, at the heart of human beings is a visceral, impolite, amorphous thirst for impossible closeness with another being capable of understanding us. It was exploring and asking questions about that desire. You can't sanitize that! There's no "easy-consumption" pop version of it. You legitimate such things as part of the human experience, or you don't.

You know?

polar opposite of that "marvel characters are 30 and sexy and instagram-polished but actually none of them have a sexuality, they never eroticize each other and are never horny". if you even care

[mypoisonedvine]

Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 3)

(part 1) (part 2) 

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself.  except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.  

word count: 3k

chapter warnings: mention of past sexual harassment, very mature karaoke (lol), mention of pornography

Day 63 and you still hadn’t talked about it.  He’d actually gotten to know you a lot better over the past two months, even almost confessing his feelings for you with that stupid half-asleep storybook thing he’d done way back when, but you still hadn’t talked about the night you saw him looking in the rearview mirror.

Tonight actually reminded him of that night; this time was a premiere, for a movie you hadn’t actually been in but apparently you were supposed to go anyways?  He didn’t get it but he figured he didn’t need to.  As long as you came back alone this time, he’d be happy.

Of course, when he saw you step out to the car to leave for the venue, he was confident that would be impossible— not that you ever looked bad on a red carpet or anything, but wow… this was different.

“It’s not too slutty, is it?” you asked him nervously, spinning around to show him the back.  Don’t look at her ass don’t look at her ass don’t look at her ass—   

“Just slutty enough,” he responded with a gloved thumbs up.

“Perfect,” you smiled, and he opened the door for you to get in the back.  He took a moment to catch his breath before circling around to the driver’s side.

You actually chatted with him on the way, which was a new thing you two had started doing when he drove you.  He looked forward to your talks a lot— especially the ones where you ranted about whatever was on your mind.  You would usually apologize for rambling but he liked it; and, you were cute when you got really worked up about something, even if he thought it was kind of trivial.

As he pulled up to the red carpet, with cameras flashing and the indistinguishable yelling of reporters and fans, you shot him a look as if you didn’t want to go.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah,” you shook your head incredulously, “I just… I wish you would’ve come and seen it.”

He recalled a few weeks back when you offered him a ticket to the premiere showing, but he’d insisted on just sticking to what he knew and letting your assistant have the spare ticket.  “I’ll catch it on Netflix,” he dismissed.

“No, I mean, I wish you were coming with me,” you explained.

Was it hot in here, all of a sudden?  Because his cheeks felt warm.  “Uh, you don’t want me in there.  I always fall asleep in theaters anyways.  Just go have fun and I’ll catch you after.”

“Okay,” you nodded with an adorable little smile.

So he waited, wondering if he should’ve taken you up on it all those weeks ago, but decided he probably made the right call.  He would just embarrass you in a place like that, more than likely, and you had enough to deal with already.  He felt more useful waiting in the wings than being in the spotlight, to use a fittingly-timed theater metaphor.

It was a few hours of him killing time in the car, but he got to relax a little more since the event already had pretty good security on its own.  You’d recommended a book called Flowers for Algernon to him, even lending him your copy for the time being, and so he leaned his seat back and picked up where he’d left off from this morning.  Of course, if he had known that you’d be gone long enough for him to finish, and that the ending was going to make him cry, he probably wouldn’t have read it.  WIth his luck, it was inevitable that he’d be all but sobbing when you texted him to pull the car around.

Wiping his tears and hoping his eyes wouldn’t be too red, he tossed the book into the glovebox and started the engine.  You waved cheerily when you saw him from the entrance, and he attempted to navigate through all the other cars pulling up so he could reach you.  Thankfully, you didn’t have a new friend with you this time— or an old friend.  Jealousy crisis averted, for now.

“How was it?” he asked with a smile as you opened the door and slipped in, unable to hide how happy he was to see you.

“The premiere itself was a lot of fun, I got to see some people I hadn’t seen in ages; the movie, though?  Sort of pretentious,” you admitted as you shut the door and he got the car moving again.  “And way too long!  I could watch movies all day, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch a movie all day!”

“Fair enough,” he laughed.

“What did you do?” you asked innocently.

“I finished your book,” he frowned, trying not to think about it so he wouldn’t get emotional again.  

“Ah, I can tell you’re still a little hurt about it,” you smiled mischievously.  “Should’ve warned you about the ending.”

“No, no,” he disagreed, “it’s not a bad ending just because it’s a sad one… it was a good book.”

You’d already been smiling, but your smile undeniably changed as he watched it in the rearview mirror.  Something softer, something more sensitive.  He liked this one better.  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Just in time to interrupt the moment, you saw something on the passing street outside that caught your attention.

“Ooh, karaoke!” you piped up, pressing your face against the inside of the window excitedly.  “Pull over!”

He chuckled at how easily distracted you were, but did as you’d asked.  He barely found time to slow down to a stop before you were opening the door and running out, flashing your ID to get inside.

He groaned as he realized how completely unsafe it was for you to be in a bar… especially now, when you were at your most recognizable and literally still wearing what you’d had on at the premiere.  Thankfully, he managed to pull the car around and park in the closest spot he could find, jogging to join you inside the bar and hoping you hadn’t already made too much of a scene.  His hopes were dashed the moment he pushed through the door, however.

“Is she perverted like me?  Would she go down on you in a theater?” you sang along with the grungy backing track of Alanis Morrisette’s You Oughta Know; your lips were curled into a faux snarl as you stood on stage with your heels in one hand and the microphone in the other.

Bucky’s head fell into his hands, looking around to see hundreds of bar patrons, nearly all of them with their phones out filming you.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Bucky mumbled to himself, hoping you would somehow hear it and take his advice.  Instead, you pantomimed sucking a dick with a cute little wink and everyone cheered.  “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“And I’m here, to remind you,” you continued, jumping around wildly; you looked like you were having the time of your life, honestly.  If he wasn’t so worried about you, he would’ve let himself smile seeing you so happy.

During the bridge, you stole someone’s water off their table and poured a bit on your head, slicking your hair back and shivering from the cold.  There was something about the water dripping down your face, starting to soak your clothes and make your skin glisten...

Bucky glanced around to make sure no one was looking at him before subtly adjusting his jeans.

He watched you sing the entire song, making most of the notes and definitely capturing the anger of the original song— if clearly having a lot more fun with it than most would.  The entire bar cheered when you finished, and you took a moment to take some pictures with people and meet a few fans, which he thought was sweet even if his bodyguard instincts forced him to interrupt after a moment.

“Alright, that’s enough,” he guided you away gently.

“Goodnight!” you waved goodbye to someone who was already buried in her phone and posting the photo you’d taken with her.

“Have a good time?” he asked sarcastically as the two of you began to walk out together.

“Would’ve been better if you hadn’t been glaring at me the whole time,” you smirked.

“I wasn’t glaring, I was just… watching.  You have a good voice, you know.”

You seemed surprised by the compliment.  “Oh.  Thanks.”

“And your stage presence is certainly… energetic,” he grinned.  “I bet your little charade is already trending.”

“I checked, and it is,” you giggled, showing him your phone for a moment where Twitter was open and you were the #7 topic in the United States and climbing.  “And the part where I poured that water on myself is pretty gif-able, don’t you think?”

He raised a brow as he held the back door of the bar open as you slipped back on your heels and walked past him.  “Is that why you did it?  For the reaction?”

“I did it cause it was fun,” you corrected.  “You wouldn’t know anything about that.  And the water thing was just practical, I was getting hot in this dress.”

That didn’t seem to be a problem anymore with the way you shivered in the night air as he walked you through the parking lot.  “Want my jacket?” he offered.

“No,” you frowned, but you eyed the leather with a hungry stare.  He chuckled and took it off, draping it over your shoulders anyways.  “How far is the car?” 

“Uh, a block?  Not much parking this time of night,” he explained.

“Ugh, these heels,” you groaned, “they hurt so bad.  I don’t know if I can make it.”  You began to slip them off but he stopped you.

“You can’t go barefoot out here, god knows what’s on the ground,” he shuddered; what if there was broken glass or something?

“Well, I can’t wear these,” you frowned, “and I probably shouldn’t be walking on asphalt in red bottoms anyway…”

He probably should’ve warned you before he scooped you up into his arms, but it was sort of instinct and he kinda forgot to say anything first.  You squealed a little but then went lax in his grip.

“You’re gonna carry me the whole way?” you asked incredulously.

“It’s only a block,” he shrugged, adjusting you in his arms a bit before starting the walk. 

It got quiet after that, the cool night air rustling the trees and blowing through his hair— frankly, he was a little chilly without his jacket, but it looked better on you anyhow.  The drive home was quiet, too, or at least quieter than usual, but it didn’t feel awkward, necessarily.  It didn’t feel like a lull in the conversation; it felt more like the conversation had just changed from verbal to non-verbal.  You both looked around at the city lights surrounding you on the drive, silent because there was nothing that needed to be said.  It wasn’t nervous, or tense, or anxiety-inducing like most of his interactions with you (or with anyone) could be.

It felt like time spent with an old friend.  He hadn’t known you long enough for that to be accurate, but he was happy to think of you as a new friend.  He just hoped you thought the same.

Arriving at the house, he dropped you off at the front and watched you make a mad dash for the stairs and presumably your bedroom, smiling to himself as he parked the car and came in to follow you.  He saw his jacket tossed onto the couch and your expensive shoes discarded right by the door.  Going upstairs and peeking into your room, he saw your limp form flopped onto the bed, your back exposed from the low cut of the dress.

“You’d better not get comfortable, you’ll kill me if I let you fall asleep with all that makeup on,” he frowned, leaning against the doorway.

"I couldn't fall asleep yet, anyways.  I'm wired."

“Any plans to burn off all that energy?” he pressed.

You groaned a little as you sat up, starting to unclasp all the jewelry on your wrists, around your neck, and on your ears.  “It’ll take me a while to get out of all of this— but not as long as it took me to get into it,” you laughed.  “Then I’m thinking TV and beers.”

“Beers?” he questioned, emphasizing the plural.  “You plannin’ to get toasted right before you go to sleep?”

“No, it’s plural because there’s one beer for me and one beer for you,” you explained with the slightest air of condescension, but he couldn’t really think of it as rude since it was an invitation.

“I don’t want to intrude on your chill evening,” he refuted.

“No, really, you’re not intruding!” you insisted, standing up and setting the jewelry on a nightstand before approaching him and turning to face away from him.  “Will you unzip me please?”

He stammered a little.  “I don’t… see a zipper,” he admitted with a weak voice.

“It’s on the side here, see?” you lifted your arm a bit, and pointed to it.  

Reaching out to touch your zipper was reminiscent of that old boardgame Operation: he needed to touch the zipper and only the zipper, cause if he bumped into anything else nearby, he got the feeling he’d get zapped.

His breath caught a bit as he watched more and more of your skin become exposed, the zipper ending up so low that he could just barely see the top of something lacy around your hips— and he had to stop there because anything more could induce cardiac arrest.  

“Thanks!” you piped up happily, slipping away to your closet to do the rest in private.  “Will you get the beers while I take my makeup off?” you requested through the shut door.

“Sure,’ he replied, turning to leave but realizing he should ask first: “Shiner or Pabst?” 

“Don’t patronize me,” you grumbled, and he laughed because it was a stupid question.  Trodding downstairs, he grabbed the Shiners from the fridge, stopping to check his phone only to see that it had started to automatically send him headlines pertaining to you.

‘Touch of Blood’ star gives impromptu karaoke performance at Queens dive bar!

He laughed at the picture of you onstage, even though he thought it was kind of reductive to describe you by a movie you’d been in so long ago when you had so much great new stuff coming out.  Jumping back up the stairs, beers in hand, he found you makeup-free (aside from some leftover mascara and eyeliner that hadn’t really made it all the way off) and in a robe, laying on the bed as you pointed the remote at your TV.  He thought you looked almost more beautiful like this than you did on the red carpet; of course, objectively, everybody looks better when they’ve been painted to the point of perfection, but he liked the domesticity of this.  When you were casual and relaxed like this, he could almost, almost pretend you were his girlfriend or something.  And not, you know, a global superstar and his employer.

“Beer me,” you requested as he sat down next to you, handing you a bottle and trying to ignore the thorough view of your legs he was getting in that robe.

“Anything good on?” he prompted as he watched you scroll through the channels on the guide.

“Uh, not particularly,” you frowned.  

“They’re showing a game,” he pointed out as you passed the sports channels.

“I’d rather watch this pay-per-view porn,” you rolled your eyes.

He cleared his throat but said nothing because he was confident there was no good response to that.

“Hey, I’m in this!” you beamed, changing the channel quickly.  He nearly had a heart attack until he realized you weren’t scrolling through the porn channels anymore.

He recognized the film instantly as the one of yours that he’d seen the most, for one very embarrassing and slightly sinister reason; looking down to the corner, he saw the HBO logo and realized it wasn’t going to be edited.  His palms got a little clammy but he tried not to worry about it too much.

“Oh, this girl was super nice,” you remembered as you pointed to a character on-screen.  “She had a bigger role but most of it got edited out.”

“That must be a bummer,” he imagined.

“Eh, it happens,” you shrugged.  “Beats getting fired, or recast in the sequel.”

“Have you ever been fired during filming?” he pressed, morbidly curious.

“Once,” you nodded.  “We were only a few days into it so they had no trouble finding somebody new and redoing my scenes.  Just think: I could’ve been a Bond girl if I’d slept with that producer.”

“You— what?!” he squawked.  “You got fired because you wouldn’t have sex with a film exec?”

“I got fired because of ‘creative differences,’” you explained with exaggerated air quotes, “and, unrelatedly, those creative differences surfaced the morning after I refused to get down and dirty with the EP.”

“Jesus,” he shook his head, “that’s… I hope you told someone.”

“Yeah, anonymously.  Somebody will care someday, but not yet.  He’s still too profitable, and not enough people have come forward.”

He glanced over at you, admiring your profile as you kept your eyes on the TV and took a sip of your beer.  When you turned your head and looked back at him, he realized he’d been staring a bit too long.

“What?” you asked, quirking your brow a bit. 

“What?” he repeated.

“You’re staring at me,” you frowned.

“Sorry, I was just… sorry,” he shook his head and looked back ahead.  What he found there wasn’t much less embarrassing, though: he knew all too well that this was the scene right before THE scene.  The scene he’d watched over and over until his arousal overpowered his shame.  The scene that he’d used to try to satisfy his crush on you, but it only made it worse.  The scene that had burrowed into his mind and deepened his obsession even as he fought it with everything he had…

You know, that scene.  And he was about to watch it with you.  

Bucky was completely, entirely, and supremely fucked.

[falloutjay]

Eric x careless/troublemaker reader, reader was always a crazy kid, she felt no one really understood her, and her only real friend was Esther Stoley, Annie Knitts and Nicole. But Reader has always admired Eric and never gotten why everyone hated him (she finds both Kyle and Wendy very annoying). One day, she finds him and Butters making their next scheme, and she wants in. After an effective day of pranking, they (well Eric but reader likes Butters's company) take her under their wing. They generally start hanging out and starts to be the 'girl' of the main group (she thinks of Stan, Butters and Kenny has her brothers) and she finds Eric and Kyle's banter hilarious. It gets better (for her at least): she always defends him now (be it irrationally, rationally, verbally or physically) like: Heidi tried to warn Reader about Eric...but the poor girl leaves with a broken nose or Wendy was just upset how someone so awful, could have someone advocate for them and starts to plan to tell her about the breast cancer incident when Bebe would tell that it's Y/n and if anything, what she did to him would just make her stay more, making Wendy stop. She was also a big fan of the Coon and would just gush about how cool he was (she does like Wonder Tweek, Mosquito and Toolshed but she loves Coon the best). Everyone was pretty divsive, some people thought it was funny and teased him on it (like: Craig, Stan and Kenny), some people shipped it (like: Clyde, Butters and weirdly Nicole/Tweek), but some people were afraid of those two becoming a couple (Kyle, Heidi and Wendy). Eric is strangely 'no comment'y about all this until one day, Eric is just about to be turned into the principal when suddenly Reader in a elorate plan, knocks out the witness and pins the blame on someone else. After that's over, Reader can't take it anymore and happily asks him to be her partner/boyfriend and Eric proudly accepts and the two go on to create to create anarchy. May others pray for their safety.

Hey guys! It's me! I'm back! :D

I'm still stressed AF, but after my day was really nice, I felt super motivated to finally continue this lovely prompt, so I did.

I'm currently still in the process of moving and my exams are still not over, but I'm trying!

So I hope I can publish the next request soon and I love all you guys, thank you for all the likes, reblogs, follows and most importantly your patience! <3

____________________________________

Eric Cartman x careless!troublemaker!female!Reader

“Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme Eric?” Butters asked, eyebrow raised as he listened to Erics new pranking plan. “No, it’s not at all, “eXtRemE”.” Eric retorted and shook his head.

They didn’t notice that someone approached them, listening to their plan. “W-well if you say so, I trust you, Eric.” As the fatter one of the two heard a twig snap, his head turned immediately and look at a kid from their class. What was her name again? “Who are you?” Eric asked unimpressed. “Y/N.” She answered dryly.

Butters kept looking between the two, moving his head, whenever someone said something. “What do you want?” “I want in on your plan.” “What makes you think I want someone like you in this? You normally play with the girls.”

“What does that have to do with anything. Just because I hang out with Esther, Annie and Nicole…That changes nothing about the fact that I love what you’re planning here, and I want in.” Eric seemed to think about the proposition for a second.

“Okay. I think I need one more person around here. Butters can barely do one fucking job.” So, he explained the plan to you in big detail. And in your humble opinion, it was brilliant. Once Eric had finished explaining, he looked at you with a sly smile.

“So, what do you think?” You pretended to think for a second, before an evil grin appeared on your face. “Why stop there? We can also pull a prank on the teachers and the school buses if we put in a little more effort.” “Never thought about that one before. I like your way of thinking, Y/N.”

The two looked into each other’s eyes, clearly seeing that mischievous spark in each pair of eyes. Butters watched you in horror, afraid of what he had just now witnessed. “Ohhh hamburgers.”

Y/N became a regular in Stans gang rather fast. Kenny and Stan love her to bits, just like she does. They love hanging out with her and to Kenny she’s like Karen. One thing that Y/N really enjoys is listening to Kyle and Eric's bickering. No matter the topic and no matter how loud or extreme the two get, she just sits there like it’s a cinema and the two are the newest marvel movie. Speaking of superhero movies, South Parks very own heroes are a topic ever so often too. And to Cartman’s delight, his trusted friend loves talking about The Coon. His super-secret hero identity. She would also gush about Wonder Storm, Mosquito and Toolshed but she would always praise The Coon, which is a melody in Cartman’s ears. Another thing Cartman loves about his only female friend is how she loves defending him to anyone. Be it teachers, her fellow girl friends, or anyone else. When Heidi tried to warn her that Eric means bad news, she had to visit the nurse afterwards. Y/N had detention for breaking the poor girl’s nose, but she sure as hell didn’t regret her decision. Even when she was shunned by the girls from there on.

“I just can’t believe her. Maybe she will change her mind when I tell her about the whole Breast cancer thing? You know… It could affect her too, maybe that’s wha-Wendy…” Bebe interrupted her and sighted. “You remember how Heidi was? How every time we said something mean about Cartman, she would only try harder to prove us wrong?” “Of course, I remember. How could I forget.” Wendy mumbled and stabbed her fork through her salad. “If you try to reason with her, she will just hit you with the whole “He isn’t like that”-schtick. You can’t change her mind, okay?” Bebe eyed their classmate who was happily chatting with Eric and Kenny a few tables away. “I guess.” Wendy said defeated and closed her eyes, asking herself how Eric could even make a girl interested in him.

On another table across the cafeteria, Craig and those guys were seated. Oddly enough, their topic was similar. Y/N L/N and Eric Cartman. “I don’t know why but they’d make quite a cute couple you know?” Clyde said with a smile before biting into his burger. “I know, right?” Nicole agreed and to everyone’s surprise, even Tweek nodded along. “I don’t think they’d become a thing though.” Craig mumbled lazily. “Why?” Clyde asked, obviously interested in the gossip.

“Well, Kenny, Stan and I teased him about it in History class, but he keeps saying he doesn’t like her that way.” “Aww, come on Craig, you know very well that he would never admit it just like that. Guys don’t just admit they have a crush. I’m sure he likes her. I mean, she the only one who can stand him for longer than a day.” Nicole commented, a sly smile spread across her face. “I just think the anti-Cartman fraction would rather die than see those two become a thing.” Token commented and his eyes darted across the room, looking at Kyle, Heidi and Wendy. “Well, I guess we will have some funerals to visit sometime soon.” Nicole replied and everyone at their table had to involuntarily smile.

“That’s it. ERIC. To the Principal. Now.” Mister Garrisons voice thundered through the hallways and a confused Y/N closed her locker. She let out a deep sigh, knowing something must have gone wrong with his new plan.

“Guess I gotta bust him out again.”

Knowing the way to the principal by heart she made her way there, only catching a glimpse of the in pink paint and glitter covered Mister Garrison, who kept cursing like crazy.

Y/N happily skipped past the not-occupied secretary desk and took a seat next to Eric. “I already wondered where you are.” Cartman commented unimpressed. “Sorry, I had to look at Garrison for a second. So what went wrong?” “This stupid asshole over there saw me set up the paint bomb in Garrisons locker thing.” The brown-haired whispered and pointed at the kid that was sitting across from them. “Thanks to that asshat, I will probably be suspended for some days or some shit.”

“Okay, I’ll handle it.” The h/c-haired said and got up to go over. She hovered over the boy who was looking up to her. “What?” He asked annoyed. “You’re Jonas Miller, right?” Y/N asked with the sweetest voice she could manage. “Yeah, what makes you care?” He asked, before a fist connected with his face. Surprised by her own strength, he seemed to be dazed and fell onto the other chairs.

“Y/N, what the fuck?” Cartman cried out confused. “Fast, hit me!” She said, not fazed at all. “What? Why?” “God, just do it!” Trusting his mischievous partner Erics fist landed on Y/N pretty face and he even felt a hint of remorse. “Good punch Eric. Now the other side.” Once again, trusting his opposite, he did what was asked. Despite now feeling rather woozy, Y/N grabbed Jonas and laid him down in a different position. She then made Eric kneel next to her and hold her.

“If you ever tell anyone I cried, I will tell everyone about your dirty little secrets, yeah?” Eric nodded, somewhat intimidated, and impressed, watched her do her best to cry heavily.

Hearing the blood-curdling scream, Mister Mackey and the secretary came running, looking at the scene before them. Mister Mackey immediately made sure that everyone was okay, before asking the roughed-up Y/N what happened. With a trembling voice, she answered: “J-Jonas over there did the prank on Mister Garrison and-and tried to pin it on-on Eric. So, I c-came here t-t-to tell everyone t-that Eric was with me t-the whole time. When Jonas n-noticed that, he hit m-m-me and Eric punched him, to-to help me.” The now fully awake again Jonas looked at the girl in horror. “N-No! That’s not the story! I- I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, M'KAY?!” Mister Mackey interrupted him. “Hitting an innocent girl?! Jonas Miller, you will have to face the consequences!” Y/N still held up her best puppy eyes and Mister Mackey finally turned to the two troublemakers. “Eric, will you bring Y/n to the nurse, please. I will bring Jonas to PC Principal personally, m'kay.” Eric nodded, somewhat petrified, and guided Y/N along the corridors. He felt shocked. He didn’t know why. He never felt this scared before.

Once in the nurse’s office and after Y/N was handed an icepack, she was the first one to speak, once the nurse left them alone.

“You’re so quiet.” She commented dryly. “Thank you.” “For what?” “Getting me out of there. I never- It’s fine, okay? Don’t worry.” Silence fell over the two once more. Y/N just enjoyed the cooling ice on her burning skin and Eric still felt thankful for what she did for him. For him. And no one else. She would have never done this for Kyle. Not for Kenny. She did it for him.

“Hey Eric?” The boy next to her nodded. “You know I wouldn’t have done this for anyone else right?” Eric nodded once more. “Can I ask you for something?” “Of course.”

“You know, I like you a lot. So, would you maybe like to be my boyfriend?”

Bonus:

Eric gave no answer. He just slowly intertwined his fingers with hers and that was answer enough. “Are your cheeks red from blushing or is it from me hitting you?” “Maybe a bit of both.” She laughed and to Eric, it was the most beautiful sound he ever listened to. His girlfriend’s laugh.

Kyle was doing his math homework and started to get annoyed with the harder and harder becoming questions. A vibration ripped him out of his thoughts. He fished for his iPhone without taking his eyes off the paper and unlocked it. The contact read “FATASS” and it was a picture. Kyle's eyes widened in horror as his eyes scanned the picture. It was a picture of a list with dozens of prank ideas. The caption was what truly terrified him. “Me and my GIRLFRIEND brainstormed a bit, hope you’re ready Kahl <3”

Kyle felt like crying. Not only because of his math homework but also because his worst nightmare became a reality. Cartman has a Girlfriend. And it was no other than the infamous Y/N L/N.

[jacqueswriteblrlibrary]

EYEING YOUUUU

BRO.

Water rumbled quietly. The waves had reached out as enormous fingers, stretching forward in the distance. They licked the solid metal, swallowing more and more of it, almost touching Dane’s feet as he sat on the ground. It wouldn’t have mattered, though. He was wet already, anyway.

yeah you start heLLA STRONG WITH SETTING THIS SCENE.

the physical sensations you use intermingled with the introspection is GREAT

"All the people playing God up there."

"He tried to think about pulling his pulled-up legs closer to his chest, but he couldn't. His body wasn’t under his control now. Fright ruled his blood. There was nothing he could do about it."

^ IM BOTH LIKE. YESSSSSS. but also like WHAT HAPPENED.

and then their (Dane and Auva's) whole exchange made me so curious, I couldn't stop reading??? All the tension between Auva not even needing to force Dane to make a decision, because maybe she trusts him to make the right decision? And she knows he will?

And now I can't wait to see how Adran dies?? saving everyone??

Also??

Winning. There was no winner in matters like these, was there? And whatever he was ready to do, one question still remained unanswered: if he was ever ready to take up the burden of making things right so his brother’s death won’t be for vain?

I absolutely love endings and thoughts like this. I love when characters realize, maybe they did win, but was it worth it after everything they lost? After everything they will lose? Who really won?

Anyways i love those questions.

Oh! this is the blood-drinking scene I read earlier! So THIS is where it fits in!! Tbh with this context, it helps being everything together a lot more and i love it. I love seeing the scenes you talk about come to life like this!

“ᴏᴘᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇs,” she murmured, her voice sounding like a… prism. It belonged to her yet echoed on a thousand other.

yo i felt my eyes open a little here too omg

An intricate, vast room that contained everything he called his world. A room made of a prism. The walls reflected the sky, expanded horizons before Dane. All the layers of the images he’d seen opened up for him; the clouds’, the sky’s, the water’s and everything’s outlines splitted into hundreds of their own reflection, into shapes and colors he’d never seen before. Dane could see, feel and hear everything around himself. His vision, hearing and ability to feel erupted and expanded into something that made him be aware of all the happenings of the world. To feel every person and every living thing as if they were a part of him too.

Dane became the beating heart of Aetherius.

BROOO THIS WAS COOL AS FUCK.

Quills cascaded around her shoulders, blanketing her upper body, a featherless wing-like extension growing out of her back as a cape would.

He could use only mortal words to describe her, even though she was so much beyond that comprehension.

“ɪ ᴡɪsʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ,” whispered Dane. His voice similarly echoing in a thousand other as well.

KSDJHKSJDFHKKLAJSDHFKSDJHF AND THEIR WHOLE EXCHANGE AFTER THIS???? cool as fuck cool as fuck cool as fuck

“ᴇᴍᴘᴛɪɴᴇss.” That wasn’t it exactly. “ꜰᴜʟʟɴᴇss ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴍᴘᴛɪɴᴇss ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜɪs ᴏɴᴇ. sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴏɴᴇs. ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴏɴᴇs. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ sᴇɴsᴇ ᴍʏ ɢʀɪᴇꜰ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅs Aᴅʀᴀɴ ᴀɴᴅ Eʀᴀɴ’s ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴍᴏᴜʀɴ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ, Aᴜᴠᴀ. ɪ ᴅᴏ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ. ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴍᴇ.”

THIS HURT MEEE HKAJDHJKDSD I LOVE ITTT

Dude?? You're insecure?? ABout THIS?? you tackle such huge topics such as change, What God should be able to do, and how humans can experience it in your world with its rules in a really tangible convincing way. and how Dane was able to change the rules??? and bring a new era to what guardians are able to do?? basically in the blink of an eye??

Idk it just makes me fall in love with Dane just a little but more now that I've seen how he reacts to all of this!!

ANYWAYS THIS WAS COOL AS FUCK

A Wishing God

To break my absence, I leave here a possible ending of IQRUS. It's fun to explore all the things I was just contemplating yet. This piece also started as an attempt for one of the Flash Fiction Friday prompts, Expanding Horizons, but it ended up more.

DANE AND AUVA | ANGST | IQRUS ENDING EXPLORATION | WC: 2,476

Water rumbled quietly. The waves had reached out as enormous fingers, stretching forward in the distance. They licked the solid metal, swallowing more and more of it, almost touching Dane’s feet as he sat on the ground. It wouldn’t have mattered, though. He was wet already, anyway.

The Aquor Sector’s ankle high water level’s surface let him see the solid floor under him.

He couldn’t move his muscles as he sat in the liquid. Mind filled up, overflowed with everything he wanted to keep it in the pit of his existence. He came here for a reason, yet he wasn’t able to get further than tiptoeing to the edge of the Trashland and finally let his legs to give up under him. All the turquoise, slightly translucent hell surrounded him in the moment he reached the ground. His pants soaked through immediately, his mechanic leg getting tighter around his thighs as liquid terror seeped into the fittings. He knew he should have been afraid of the mutation.

But he couldn’t care less about that.

The day of him getting the Caelus Sector offered modifications burnt into his mind. All the serums, plays with his genes, protection he got. Immunity for the top of humanity, they dared to say.

All the people playing God up there.

He tried to think about pulling his pulled-up legs closer to his chest, but he wasn’t able to do that. His body wasn’t under his control now. Fright ruled his blood flow, all of his big and little muscles, his mind. There was nothing he could do about it, only acknowledge it. He was paralyzed. By shock or trauma, he couldn’t tell anymore.

The waves pulled back, slowly making space between Dane and them. The touch of the liquid swayed around his lower body. Every tiny movement of it made something twitch inside him, building up a feeling he didn’t know how to control now or ever.

He wasn’t planning to move, however.

Even if he could have, he was sure he would have been just sitting in the water, watching the far horizon of endless waves and light. There was nothing at the other end. No land, no building, nothing.

Tender swaying and quiet splashing signaled Auva’s arrival.

She didn’t say a thing, only stood beside him for a second, then slowly sat down. He lowered his head, letting it drop between his shoulders. He couldn’t bear the sight of that infinite horizon anymore.

“What now?”, he asked eventually. He wanted to squeeze his eyes together, but he couldn’t. Dane wanted to stay aware of Auva’s presence by his peripheral vision.

After everything had been done, he wasn’t ready to just drown in his darkness, alone.

Because he was like that. Alone. Finally, and completely. No Adran, no Eran, not even Icharo. So much good for one evil to fall. And so, their most dire problem hasn’t been solved by the sacrifices. Was it really worth it then?

Auva shifted, and Dane could see her hand reaching over to touch the waves that came back to them again.

“Now, you must become a Guardian. Properly.” She tenderly caressed the surface, her fingers parting the water ever so slightly. It didn’t leave a mark, only its echo on the froth. “That would be the ideal. That would be the end of my task. But you must choose it willingly. “ She paused for a moment. “And I am not forcing anything.”

Dane exhaled. A long, stretched out breath. Then, after closing his eyes for a second, he opened them again and looked at Auva.

She didn’t force him to choose. She should have, yet she didn’t. A strange, heavy weight loomed over Dane, as he sat under the open sky and watched this figure beside him who he still couldn’t fully fit into his mind. Into his heart, yes, but not into his mind.

Dane wasn’t sure if he wanted to be something like her. He had no idea what that would mean. Icharo… Lero was her kind too. Whatever they were truly, they had powers he didn’t know he wanted to deal with.

He still felt his mind numbing ever so slightly, only just thinking about what he went through and saw.

Save them.

Adran’s last words bubbled up from his tensed muscles into his mind, showing him the memory of their last moments. His brother. His savior.

Everyone’s savior.

Dane’s left eye twitched a little. He wasn’t the one who should be a Guardian of people. Ionera should be safe after Adran’s sacrifice. They won, didn't they?

He snorted at this thought.

Winning. There was no winner in matters like these, was there? And whatever he was ready to do, one question still remained unanswered: if he was ever ready to take up the burden of making things right so his brother’s death won’t be for vain?

“So be it,” he said, his voice even. “How does it work?”

Auva nodded ever so slightly, an almost reluctant acknowledgement. Then, she pulled out a little glass bottle from the tiny case attached to her belt.

Something gold swayed within.

“You need to drink this first. Everything else is up to you after then.”

“What’s this?”, Dane asked as she handed him the bottle. He hasn't taken it yet.

“A substance that flows in my body and keeps it moving.”

His eyelids fluttered closed for a moment as he gulped.

“So, it’s your blood.”

Auva glanced at the far horizon beside them, lost in thought, before she guided her gaze back at Dane and the liquid.

“That’s an accurate conclusion, yes.”

“And you want me to drink it?” He heard it the first time too, but he needed to make sure. And if Auva didn’t quite understand why he needed this confirmation, she hid it well. As well as any human would have.

“It’s not about what I want, Dane. The world depends on it. Your world.”

The water reached for them again, swaying closer and closer, almost reaching his legs. And the gold swayed with it in the bottle. Auva didn’t move her hands, yet the liquid twirled and twisted. Its metallic shine absorbed the light around itself.

Dane could feel the faintest unease in his mind.

A familiar feeling at this point. Something that made him sick.

He forced his gaze at Auva.

At her, who was the bearer of this thing. This something that changed his world at its core. This thing that those carried in their physical bodies too that killed his loved ones and doomed humanity.

Dane curled up his toes in his fully soaked shoes. His hands were white from all the force he was gripping them together.

Auva was one of them, yet she was so much different. She was here to help. She did not ask anything from him. She let him choose.

Choose something he always strived to reach. Saving everyone. Saving Ionera. Protecting the ruins of their world.

Dane wasn’t the right one for this responsibility, but he was the only one left for this world. So, with heavy hands, he slowly took the bottle, closed his eyes and snapped his head back so he could swallow everything.

Then, he let his hands fall back down and nervously waited.

Waited.

And waited.

Nothing has felt different. The water still licked his sides, he might not have been as cold as before, but other than that; nothing.

“How long does it take to begin?”

Auva smiled. He didn’t know how he could know this with his eyes closed, but he did. For certain.

“ᴏᴘᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇs,” she murmured, her voice sounding like a… prism. It belonged to her yet echoed on a thousand other.

He slowly lifted his eyelids, seeing nothing different over the horizon then before. A touch of early morning mist, endless water and small waves… in a room.

An intricate, vast room that contained everything he called his world. A room made of a prism. The walls reflected the sky, expanded horizons before Dane. All the layers of the images he’d seen opened up for him; the clouds’, the sky’s, the water’s and everything’s outlines splitted into hundreds of their own reflection, into shapes and colors he’d never seen before. Dane could see, feel and hear everything around himself. His vision, hearing and ability to feel erupted and expanded into something that made him be aware of all the happenings of the world. To feel every person and every living thing as if they were a part of him too.

Dane became the beating heart of Aetherius.

And with that, his core fright from before — that was so deeply a part of him he couldn’t acknowledge it fully — towards death evaporated into nothing. He knew he won’t die anymore. That he can’t die. Fear and death turned into mere concepts in his mind.

Then, he turned to Auva.

It wasn’t her true name. That wasn’t something that could have been spoken out loud. Dane stick with it, though.

The air wobbled around her figure that did not wore the features he was used to seeing on her. Golden bronze skin without a face, although Dane knew it wasn’t a skin exactly since it flowed in her physical form as well. Quills cascaded around her shoulders, blanketing her upper body, a featherless wing-like extension growing out of her back as a cape would.

He could use only mortal words to describe her, even though she was so much beyond that comprehension.

“ɪ ᴡɪsʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ,” whispered Dane. His voice similarly echoing in a thousand other as well. He wasn’t sure if he was capable of feeling anything at all, yet he knew he would feel awe if he would be his self from before.

Auva smiled. Dane could tell she was, no matter her faceless form.

“ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴅ.” Her voice still ethereal, the language they spoke celestial, if it was a language at all.

“Is ᴛʜɪs ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs sᴇɴsᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ?” Dane needed to ask. There were things that did not ease with his ascension.

“ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ Gᴜᴀʀᴅɪᴀɴ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ᴡʜᴏ’ᴅ ʙᴇᴇɴ Mᴀᴅᴇ, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴅɪꜰꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴜs. sᴏ, ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ, ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ sᴇɴsᴇ?”

What was he sensing? How could he describe it? He should have been overwhelmed, but he could not experience life as before. Eternal things laid before him, more than his world only. He won a glimpse of the other worlds that had burnt into his mind; people with pointy ears, monster-like creatures, black suns, violet moons and so, so much more. He’d seen a fraction of all the different sides of that infinite prism that his world reflected it too. He couldn’t be sure what he sensed actually.

He knew what he should have reacted to, though.

“ᴇᴍᴘᴛɪɴᴇss.” That wasn’t it exactly. “ꜰᴜʟʟɴᴇss ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴍᴘᴛɪɴᴇss ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜɪs ᴏɴᴇ. sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴏɴᴇs. ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴏɴᴇs. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ sᴇɴsᴇ ᴍʏ ɢʀɪᴇꜰ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅs Aᴅʀᴀɴ ᴀɴᴅ Eʀᴀɴ’s ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴍᴏᴜʀɴ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ, Aᴜᴠᴀ. ɪ ᴅᴏ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ. ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴍᴇ.”

Some kind of wrongness nested in his core also. A plague, a reversed black hole. Aetherius’ doom, the dimensional tear that let the terrors pour into his world.

It had been hidden from him, but now he could sense it. The calling of the ocean, deep under all the monsters and darkness; the portal slumbered there, out of the reach of any mortal. But not his, not anymore. And so he could have a chance to extinguish it. Or begin to do that.

Auva nodded, excitement reflecting in the vibration of her magnetic field around her.

“ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴀs ᴀ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ɪꜰ ɪᴛ’s ᴛʀᴀɢɪᴄ, ᴛʜᴀɴ sᴛᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴅɪᴠɪɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟᴍɪɢʜᴛʏ.”

“ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ.”

“ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴛʜᴇɴ,” She extended her hand. “ɪᴛ’s ꜰᴏʀᴛᴜɴᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴛᴀᴛᴇ ɪs ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴏʀᴀʀʏ” And with that, Dane’s senses began to shrink. Whatever he experienced, it did not leave him, only made him more and more anxious. He couldn’t put his finger on what he’d seen in the next second, when he stopped feeling everything.

Minute by minute, he gained back that core terror of death and the dreadful woe that nested in his bones. He got back his grief and his mourning. His ability to remember and love. His focus wasn’t on all living things anymore, he wasn’t everywhere all at once. And he saw Auva only as a woman sitting waist deep in the water.

“How could this happen? I thought being a Guardian is a permanent task.”

Auva smiled and glanced at the bottle in Dane’s hand. He mirrored her movement, realizing he wasn’t paralyzed anymore, even though all his grave emotions only multiplied in his chest.

He furrowed his brows when he saw the golden blood still sway in the bottle. He could have sworn that he swallowed all.

“It was. Before you’ve changed the rules of turning into one. What I’ve said previously was something I only came to know the moment you made up your mind. And so now the rules are letting Guardians choose after they experience what it's like to be one. You’ve created a new concept. A new era. Change is never immediate from now on. It needs time and so you could have only one drop to begin with.”

Dane tightened his hand around the bottle.

“It sounds like I’ve modified space and time in a blink of an eye. That is something only…” God should be able to do, Auva. He stopped himself before he could finish his sentence like that. He couldn’t deny it anymore. He was one of them for a short period of time. If it was a short period of time at all, since time itself lost its meaning for him in that state. Or that’s how he could describe it if he attempted to put it into words.

A soft touch on his hand made Dane shiver slightly. He glanced at Auva’s tender gaze that was full of comfort, yet reflected something deep that he couldn’t really grasp. As if the cosmos itself had been captured in those eyes.

“It must be a lot.”

It was. Dane couldn’t deny that either. But there was also one thing that stayed with him the most after the experience. Something that made him confident enough to hold Auva’s eyes.

“I’ll take the role temporarily. I’ve seen the tear, so I need the power to unravel it, to find it again and close it. But as soon as we’ve reached that, I’ll find someone who’s worth enough to take this role properly,” he said and with that, he flipped his hand to took Auva’s in his too.

[cupidcreates]

Hi, I hope the last day of 2020 will be a success for you. I have a request for yandere Dabi and / or Chisaki when they hear that their dear, affectionate s/o call them "love" or "happiness of my life"

Affectionate Names

With Yanderes Dabi and Overhaul

(Oh my fucking GOD beech I’m SO SORRY this took LITERAL MONTHS to post. I promise I’m never gonna let an ask sit for that long again holy crap. I really hope this was worth the wait bestie, I tried really hard to make it cute for you nonny. Hope you like it!)

Touya Todoroki - Dabi

Disgust, Anger, Hatred, Fear, Dabi’s used to these emotions playing across the faces of the people he interacts with. He knows how he appears to others, how his very visage causes visceral reactions of discomfort in others. He’s fine with that, in fact he revels in it.

If it’s not the abject loathing of a stranger than it’s the cool detachment of his allies. Dabi finds a sort of warmth, even an odd sense of comfort in their gazes. It’s distant, reserved, and to the point; Dabi never has to question what his allies want from him or what their intentions are.

The indifference many find cold is rather temperate to Dabi. 

The fair weather is what he likes. Nothing too cold, nothing too hot, nothing can be resurrected from mild memories.

Dabi was content with this treatment.

Until he met you.

It had been a long time since anything stoked the kind of fire in his chest like you did. Heat typically coincided with anger, but you didn’t make him angry.

That’s not to say he didn’t mistake it for anger at first. He definitely wanted you dead, seemingly at random, for a few days after seeing you pass by him on the street.

But after a while of reflection he realized you didn’t ignite his hate the way thoughts of his family, his father, or society did.

No, this was a completely different feeling, something brand new.

Something to be explored, immediately.

There was something about you he needed, something you had that he had to get for himself.

And Dabi’s not one to not get his way.

He set out to have you, and have you he did. It took longer than he might have liked (though, anything but immediate compliance is too long for Dabi) and you put up a better fight than he would have expected but he did eventually get you swept away from your previous life.

In his mind he won you over.

In your mind, and in reality, he stole you away from your home in the dead of night and trapped you in an undisclosed location until you eventually broke and developed Stockholm syndrome.

After all, he wasn’t mean to you. He kept you fed and watered, the basement stayed a nice mild temperature, and the rats that scuttled about were actually kind of cute when you looked at them the right way.

You were eventually happy, which is what Dabi wanted as it finally allowed him to get close to you.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted from you. He’d started by simply sitting by your side (once you had calmed down enough to let him do so without screaming) then he progressed to holding you (awkward as it was at first) and once he could trust that you wouldn’t run off he allowed you free roam of the hideout.

Free roam as in you were attached to his hip.

He brought you nearly everywhere, as if he was a child and you were his favorite stuffed bear. He wasn’t sure why he felt he needed you around, but he figured he’d find out if he gave it enough time.

And it’s not like you were trouble, you were actually very helpful, getting him out of more than a few scrapes and sticky situations.

He eventually surmised that this, whatever you two had going on, was something like the affection he missed out on in his youth. It was nice to hold your hand, nice to sit you in his lap as he listened to Shigaraki drone on about his next plan, nice to spend a night with you on the rooftops. 

The time he spent with you didn’t strike a chord in him like his first encounter with you did, but he was content.

He could only ever be content.

He didn’t need anything stronger than baseline serenity.

Or so he thought.

He thought right up until the night he was sitting alone in his room (room being a generous term for the hovel hole in the wall he kept his nearly flattened mattress in) dissociating after a very long day.

Dabi tried not to dissociate frequently, it was best to stay aware of your surroundings when you’re a wanted criminal, but when he did allow himself to fall into this state he was typically here for hours. Nearly comatose as he fled back into his mind.

You knocking softly at the door went completely unnoticed, in fact he didn’t even realize you were there until you had entered the room and sat next to him on the mattress.

Your presence took him completely by surprise and shocked him out of his stupor. It took him a moment to recover his composure and re-mask, and in those several seconds with his guard down you saw Dabi’s face more youthful and innocent than you ever had.

You’d asked him a question, he was aware of that much, but the only thing he caught, the only thing he registered was the word at the very end of your sentence.

“Are you okay, love?”

Love

Rather forcefully Dabi was taken back to his childhood; before his quirk manifested, before his siblings were born to replace him, before his own family turned on him in favor of his youngest brother. It had been so long since someone had called him love; so long since his mother would come into his room early in the morning and brush his bangs out of his face, softly calling to him to wake him up and ready him for the day.

Having already been in a vulnerable state, the name cut through him like a knife. Shaken to his core by the memories ripped fresh in his mind he was, for the first time in his life, grateful that his tear ducts had been burned away so long ago.

He gave nothing away, his face already masked up again and his demeanor its typical cool indifference. He spoke to you as he always had, the tremble in his voice only perceptible to him.

He pushed his head into your shoulder and was silent for a while, just taking in you presence, before offhandedly telling you that he didn’t mind if you called him that again. In private of course.

Love

He thought he could get used to that.

Kai Chisaki - Overhaul

Open affection was not only not necessary in Chisaki’s life but also abjectly disgusting.

Perhaps he never really had good examples of tender kindness and open endearment as a child. Maybe he simply couldn’t comprehend affection in the way others could.

In any case, physical fondness and other such displays of the sentiment were completely foreign to Chisaki.

He didn’t mind this, he had much more pressing matters to attend to. Having a partner of any sort other than business would only slow him down.

Oh but you just had to come along, didn’t you? Had to go nosing around where you didn’t belong, a foolish venture already, and then you had to be incompetent's enough to get yourself caught waist deep in his business.

It didn’t matter, you didn’t matter, whatever you knew about what he was doing didn’t mean a damn thing. All he had to do now was keep you quiet.

For good.

He had to kill you, this much he knew. He’d have no issue doing it, after all who were you anyway? A nosy little cashier at a run-down shop on the brink of bankruptcy. You had no family, if you did they certainly didn’t care about you if the state of and neighborhood your apartment was located in was anything to go by.

You were a threat to the sanctity of his mission, a potential interference to his operation. Simply put you had to go. This was fine, nothing personal. Just business.

But oh you just had to didn’t you? Had to look at him with the most pathetically pleading eyes he’s ever seen as you begged him to let you live. You already knew what he was up to, undoubtedly you understood the torture and death he willingly inflicted upon others. You knew the pleading would do you no good, surely you knew your death was inevitable.

Except that it wasn’t, was it.

Because you had to, you had to come along with a face too sweet to be atomized. Had to, somehow, worm your way into his brain and stop him from dismantling your upper body.

Was this your quirk? Were you somehow influencing him? It had to be something of your doing, the tightness in his chest and warmth in his stomach was something of your doing.

He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring himself to destroy something so precious, so pure even. He just couldn’t do it.

But no obstacle comes without workarounds, and he didn’t have an underground labyrinth of empty rooms to not be used.

So if killing you was out of the picture, his only recourse was to keep you hidden away. At least long enough for him to figure out a permanent solution for you.

Living toys are so much more fun to play with anyway.

He kept you holed up in a secret room, watched your every move as months passed. You were very interesting to him, in fact he found almost all of his (precious little) spare time consumed by you. He made sure to visit you daily, though your fear kept you mostly mute at the beginning.

Once you were sure he wasn’t going to obliterate you, he noticed you relaxed and even opened up a little bit. You even allowed him to touch you gently a few times and, to his surprise, he never broke out after his skin made contact with yours.

He figured you must have been sent to him, by some divine or cosmic intervention. You grew on him quickly and he made sure to pamper you in any way he could, moving you to a larger, more luxurious wing of the lair and making sure you had three meals a day of only the best quality food.

One morning he’d decided to visit you earlier than usual, walking down the long hallway towards your room and considering the topic of conversation today.

As he neared your room he overheard you speaking with the associate assigned to your meal delivery today. Pausing just outside the door he caught the tail end of your conversation.

“...so lonely until Chisaki visits. The room is lovely but he’s truly the only happiness of my rather dull life.”

Chisaki considered this for a moment. Perhaps it was a clever deception? Something for him to intentionally overhear and cause him to lower his guard?

Couldn’t be though, he’d never visited you this early, if you wanted to deceive him you’d have waited until your evening meal to speak these words.

A sudden, rather disconcerting warmth overtook Chisaki; Like a flower of light suddenly blooming in his chest he was overtaken by the urge to abandon everything and stay by your side until he withered away and his bones turned to dust.

Regaining his sanity he shook the thought from his head. He’d worked too hard for too long to let go of this now. No, he’d have to continue with his operation, the consequences of letting go now would be too great.

He was, however, sorry to hear that your life thus far had been dull. Had you said this months ago he would have scoffed, because of course the life of a cashier was dull; but now, after months of you having been here, it should have improved.

The only assumption left for him to make was that this must have been his doing. Fair enough on his part, as he couldn’t be sure trusting you was a wise idea.

But if this was how you truly felt about him, maybe he could consider letting you have greater roam of the property. He might even allow you time outside.

Only if you brought your happiness along, of course.

[just2bubbly]

Imagine Angsty Kaider about breakup their relationship bc E.C not accept Cinder as empress, i need that.,,,

Masterlist

Well anon firstly 'Thank You!' for sending the ask, I definitely enjoyed writing it- I might have also grown attached to seeing it in my ask box but it's about time I replied to this, I know I took forever but you had popped up the request when I had already written 'Sometimes Love Stays' and I wanted to write in a new light so I too a long time, but here it is without further ado!

Love Hurts, Love Heals!

Ship: Kaider

Words: 3k

Genre: Angst

A/N: Italics present in the further part of story is a flashback.

Cinder's Perspective:

"Kai! What were you thinking?" she barked.

"Your Majesty, are you hurt?" Torin enquired.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Your- "

"Gosh, Kai stop making shitty excuses!"

"It's nothing really, you both don't have to fuss over me."

"You don't get to tell us that after pulling that stunt!" she exclaimed.

"I did not know those people would backlash like that. Besides, I can't stay hidden in the palace forever!" he reasoned to his furious fiancee.

"Don't you go logistics on me right now. Get cleaned up I will bring the first aid box- Torin keep an eye on him for me!" she ordered.

"Sure You- Cinder." He replied breaking out of his habit to call her 'Your Majesty'.

As she left the room, they both exhaled, Kai, laid on the sofa and seemed to flinch as his arm hit the soft cotton inside.

"Kaito, you really should not have done it," he said preparing himself to give the young reckless and selfless Emperor quite an earful.

"Not you too, Torin!" he groaned.

"Why would you go out knowing that there is a public backlash over the prospect of you marrying Cinder- any person in their right mind would avoid a public event like the one you held- that too without prior notice to your own advisor! Why would you put yourself in a position of danger like that??"

"I can't hide forever just because I'm marrying Cinder, can I now Torin?"

"You can't- but you can choose to wait for things to calm down first. Honestly, I wasn't expecting such an extent of backlash over the prospect of your marriage."

"Same, I thought it would die down in a week or two, it's been going for months now with no signs of peace out and now I'm really doubting of what will really happen at the wedding. I'm afraid things are not going to turn out as I wanted them," he said, rubbing his forehead that was injured and looked red with the young man's dried blood.

"You should wash up Kai- at least before Cinder comes back, she is really worried."

He nodded grimly and asked, "Do- do you think- er, wonder if-"

"If the wedding would have to be called off?" Torin provided.

"Yes... I'm doubtful of what the future holds for us."

"Kai, whatever happens, happens for good and only good will happen with you both. Don't stress yourself over that," he urged.

Kai smiled bitterly and said, "The past doesn't seem to agree with that. "

They both shared a choking silence- one which reflected upon the uncertain and bleak future of the Emperor and his fiancee.

"She is going to be a handful today."

"I know."

"She was scared for you Kai, from what I know of her she will shut herself out rather than hurt you. I'm afraid she might be walking on eggshells right now."

"She is not sleeping well- we both are on the edge for a while now. The worst of her expectations are coming true," he confessed.

The shut of the door was enough indication of Cinder's arrival.

"Why haven't you cleaned yourself yet, Kai? Shoo, now- Torin thank you for looking after him. I hope you have yelled at him for his mistakes."

Torin grinned at her and said, "I will leave you to that, I just merely helped it start."

Looking at the sofa where Kai had been recently sitting she said, "We have avoided it too much- I'm just going to get over it for once and all."

"Don't give him a hard tonight," he requested.

"What are you two conjuring up behind my back?"

"How to kill you before you do it yourself," she criticised, saying that she was cross with him would be an understated lie.

"I will take your leave - don't want to be stuck in between the crossfire. Take care, Kai and Cinder, take it slow!"

"Good night Torin- thank you for today."

"Night Torin and sorry about it."

And as Torin left the room only for the remaining two to confront their problems- that they had been avoiding to talk about as long as possible.

"I'm sorry, Cinder."

"I don't care," she said and walked towards the plush green sofa.

"Come here," she required and Kai followed in her footsteps.

As she drew his hair back with her metal hand to analyse the damage, the cool metal helped ease the dreaded feeling he felt about the issue at hand.

"Where all are you hurt?"

"Besides the injury on the head, I have a small scratch on the elbow and I might have also sprained my leg in the hurry," he told.

She exhaled sharply and asked, "Why did you go?"

"Uh- I had postponed my meet with factory owners for a long time now and well, the common people learned about my arrivals and a mob was present when I reached- I could not control the situation so-"

"Stop underselling yourself- you could not have done anything before an angry crowd. Nothing! However, you should have at least told me or Torin about it. Torin- he has to know- he is your advisor!" she yelled, calmly if that was possible, her voice quiet and slow but a note higher than usual. It was a tone that would scare the listener and make him feel guilty.

"You would have denied me from going- it was necessary! After the announcement of the engagement, things are stagnant among the aristocrats- quite tense for a while."

"Are you blaming it on us now?"

"I never said that!" he retorted.

"You implied it."

"Can we not have this conversation tonight?"

"How long before you agree that we have to talk about the problems our engagement has caused?"

"It has not caused any problems, Cinder-"

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I have reached a point where I neglect my problems until it loses the essence."

"It's not going to work this time- not with us in question."

"Not today, Cinder," he requested.

"C'mon Kai- we need to-"

"Please," he said pleading with his eyes for her to let go of this topic.

"Fine but we are not talking about it first thing tomorrow," she declared.

"Okay."

They turned silent as Cinder looked at his wounds- applying antiseptic that stung slightly but he didn't complain.

"Remove your coat so I can check your arm."

"Uh- Cinder you might have to help me out-I'm unable to fold my elbow due to the stinging sensation."

She helped him out the coat and rolled up the sleeves of his dress to get a clear view of the cut. He hissed when her hand met near his elbow.

"Sorry."

And as she discarded his suit, dropping it on the floor and looked at her fiancee's arm, she gasped, "Kai."

"Ahh..," he cried through gritted teeth. It was a patch of a red and blue bruise along with a pinkish tissue scar and blood dried around it. The injury was by no way minimal.

"We are going to the medical wing now!" she exclaimed and tugged at his non-injured hand.

"Cinder it is 2 in the morning- I don't want to bother anyone."

"There is always someone in the medical wing who is awake to look after the Emperor if the need comes so ever!" He was truly testing her patience- was he always like this?

"I'm not going."

"Why can't you and I agree on something for once?"

"You are being adamant."

"I am but aren't you being reckless?"

"I have to run a nation."

"Exactly what I'm talking about. Running a country requires sacrifices, Kai- I know it."

"I'm not doing it."

"Why can't you just discuss the problem?"

"You promised we would not talk about it today."

"Let's not destroy our future over something as frivolous as love, Kai!"

"Fuck, Cinder but we are not 18 anymore to call it trivial- we are engaged."

"People call off their wedding all the time, Kai. Why make it a big deal?!"

"It's because I want to marry you. I'm the Emperor, I make the laws here and I want to marry the person I love. Ain't that acceptable terms to you or the citizens?" he yelled, loudly in her face.

"Kai aren't you understanding?! Y-you almost fainted because you are marrying me!!"

"It was a stone Cinder, NOT a bullet-"

"Are you waiting for a bullet to call off your wedding then?!"

"Are you so desperate to not marry me?"

"Yes," she said not thinking her words through and soon realizing the mistake she had committed. Hurriedly, she responded, "Kai I didn't mean it I'm-"

"Why say yes if you were so against the notion of marrying me then!" "I- it came out wrong. I just don't know what to do. My heart wants to marry you- my conscience tells me to disappear for the remaining of my life so I won't hurt you anymore."

"You are hurting me anyways, Cinder."

"I'm sorry, Kai," she murmured and sat in silence, her head hung low from embarrassment. The sudden silence followed by a lot of loud pitched yelling felt too harsh.

"I'm so sorry, Kai but-"

"Don't apologize and leave like you don't love me- just wait, hold on for me, for us. Stay with me. Don't leave me, please!" he said his voice wavering in the end. He was trying not to cry- he looked so vulnerable at that moment. Halting her inner turmoil and internal debate of convincing Kai to let her go, she enveloped him in a hug- a tight embrace to comfort him before a final blow. She drew circles on his back, it helped to calm him down while she prepared an argument.

"You have to understand, Kai," she said at last when he had calmed down. He sniffed for a minute before looking straight into her eyes- his chocolate brown eyes daring her to defy him.

"Promise me."

"I won't."

"Marry me."

"Kai, why don't you understand- what's the point of love that hurts more than it heals?"

"Our love is not hurting me."

"Then I am," she said sighing and looking away to the electronic portrait kept of them. Unlike their present, they looked so happy.

"I think we should let go."

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that."

"Kai," she breathed with a heavy heart and a painful head. At least one of them could cry their heart out. This was being more difficult than she had expected. She held his hand and calmly looked at their intertwined fingers, she looked at the matching bands they were wearing- a gold ring with two diamonds and their respective birthstones in the centre. A carving of wire cutters on the underside. She was going to miss wearing the ring, she was going to miss him.

"Sometimes love doesn't mean two people living under the same roof, it doesn't mean them getting married- I think we are that kind of people. We don't need a ring to prove our love. So let's not bind ourselves to the norms of society. We almost had it, Kai, that's what matters. We have come so far. Thank you for loving me, Kai!"

"I'm not calling off the wedding. No matter what you say, what I have to go through - I'm not going to do it. I know what I signed up for when I asked you to marry me. You know what you agreed to when you said 'yes, we expected this all along- I don't want to run from the first sign of danger."

There was no use convincing him so she left- she might as well catch up sleep before her meeting at 7 in the morning.

The silence stretched between them- there was no distance between but the gap that their love was feeling right now was immense- it divided them like the river divided two adjoining lands, a full stop dividing a sentence, like an axe chopping off the branches of the same trees. They were Kai and Cinder. They were two intertwined lives, separated by the same fate, separated by the same prejudice, the same stigma.

Lunars, Cyborgs and Earthens, just the boundaries created by the human mind. Weren't they all humans, living because of the same oxygen, dying because their hearts stopped, surviving as a society, hating each other as a society. That's what humans are best at- hating each other, never trying to stand united but pretending as they do. Cinder was angry- a burning passion of fury in her heart to the wretched people who had hurt Kai, who were protesting against their marriage, who had been the cause of all her problems for a while.

"Send the witch back-"

"Lunars don't deserve to-"

"She is controlling the Emperor-".

Those were the very words that had been spoken by the crowd of people while Kai was away- that was the tiny part she had heard before Torin had closed his device.

"I'm really sorry Cinder for what you are suffering. I can't believe they are protesting against you after all that you have done-"

"It's okay Torin, it's not like I can wipe out prejudices overnight. Is Kai okay?"

"The guards say that he is slightly injured but other than that he is safe."

"You sure he did not tell you before going?"

"He did not. I'm sure he had a reason but I have no idea for why he left before informing."

Kai did not join her for a long time. There were sounds- tearing the bandages, hissing at various times, clearing the mess left behind, dropping stuff, the noise of flowing water. She felt sorry to give him a hard time while he was suffering but he wasn't understanding the prejudice people had in their minds and hearts for cyborgs, irrespective of if they were marrying the Emperor or not. They did not care whether the Emperor loved them or not. He was destroying his future, his public image for her.

Swiftly she felt the mattress dip when Kai sat on the very corner, hunched on the foot of the bed trying to get a hold of his emotions. No one said anything.

"Cinder," he called.

"Hmm.." she replied.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm tired, Kai."

"Please Cinder- don't go."

"What's the use in waiting Kai?"

"We deserve happiness Cinder, believe me- please!"

"I want it too but-"

"No buts Cinder."

"I don't know, I'm so tired of all the shit we are going through. I want a break, just a minute to breathe."

"You don't have to leave for that."

"I can't do it by staying here as well."

She looked at him, his hair was dishevelled and wet from the recent shower. He had changed into his pyjamas. His body looked fresh but his face showed concern. She cast a glance at his elbow- the bandages were sloppy but they would hold for a night - at least until she took him to see Dr Chang herself.

"I'm afraid Kai- I just don't want to become an example of right people wrong time. We are both being two ahead of our times is what I'm feeling. I'm not sure I can handle this for the rest of my life," she confessed what had been eating her mind for a whole lot of days.

"You love me?"

"Obviously, I do."

"I love you."

"I know."

"That's the only thing that matters."

"It's not Kai- you don't want protests because of our wedding. I don't want headaches because of it. I don't even know what I want right now- a good night sleep, some calm, being a human, you- the list is so long and I have not achieved any of it," she rambled.

"Look at me, Cinder," he said, lifting her chin up to look into her eyes, "- we are going to make it. Even with all the troubles, we are going to be together."

"You don't say things that are not in your hands, Kai."

"I know- but I know you will be my wife, the love of life and my partner for the remaining of my days and no one's going to change it. Trust me on this one."

"I want to."

"Then do it- no one's stopping you, just hold my hand and I will be there for you through thick and thin, through pain and misery and joy and love- I will be there to rub your shoulders after a busy day, I will stay beside you when the world leaders keep complaining on a boring day, I will be there to make you breakfast on Sundays and to bring you to bed when you stay out late in the palace garage. I want to just be there for you. Allow me to do that."

She breathed his smell- fresh sheets, cedar and sharp mint, she remembered how she joked he smelled like 'freshness in a person'.

It would be easier to leave him than to be with him- the hardships, the guilt and the regret that would come with leaving him alone would be impossible to deal with. Even if she goes through all the trouble to keep it away from him, to keep herself away from him, she might wake up one day thinking that if she had only been a little more strong enough to hold on for them- she would have been married to him, she would be the one who knew the cause behind all his laugh lines and she would be the one to make him laugh on a bad day. She could be the one- that she could have been that person if she had just tried instead of letting go, and that thought was what made a difference. However, there would be no point fantasizing 10 years from now when the time to do the right thing had already slipped from her hands.

"I won't leave, Kai. I promise."

A sigh of relief, followed by a bone-breaking hug and some sniffling and weeping along the way and murmured 'thank yous' and 'I love yous' was all that they required.

Love hurts, love heals but the most important thing is staying in love. Forever and Always, that's what it needs. In the end, some people are worth the pain, they are worth the fighting you have to do for them.

__

A/N: We are done! I couldn't help myself- I just love to bring Torin in each and every fic I write, tbh he deserves more representation so sorry not sorry! ;)

It was angst with an happy ending so I guess I fulfill @cinderswrench latest wish as well!

I think it would be good to say that I don't have any angst lined up for a while unless you all are kind enough to make some angsty requests!!

Thanks for reading! and for the readers who read on WP I have not published there yet!

Tagging: @cinderswrench @gingerale2017 @shellyseashell @shelbylmkaider @kaider-is-my-otp @linhcinder686 @kaiderforever (Tell me if you wanted to be added/ removed!)