#and remember it like that forever without getting dragged💀

[selfcarecap]

Ariaaaa

Saturday QOTD:

You enter a sweepstakes and win a date with a celebrity of your choice. After spending a day with them, I ask if you'd like to continue seeing them. The only problem? Their fans have a history of dragging this person's partners ☠️ would you take the risk of seeing where this relationship goes, or leave them alone?

Me when I see you in my asks (especially when it’s one of your fun games/Qs🥰) :

Oohhhhh i love this!! So the celebrity I’d go with is obviously Pedro

Soooo… on one hand I could do with a social media detox, so as long as I just don’t go online I don’t see any hate right? And if anyone’s an asshole irl Pedro can protect me 🫶🏼 and honestly being with him should be enough to make up for it anyway.

BUT

Realistically (because this is realistic) I don’t wanna completely stop using social media and I would still go online and check anyway and hurt my feelings💀 AND Pedro is 47. So I would have one day and one day only with Pedrito but I’d treasure it for the rest of my life 💖🫶🏼

[voltronisanobsession]

Hi hello! I hope your having a good day

This might be a little boring but what about a Percy x reader childhood friends to lovers?

Percy had a fat crush on reader growing up (and never gets over them) but then he was swept away to camp half blood so suddenly so he didn’t have time to say anything to reader, and because of the no cellphone rule at camp reader is like all up in their feels thinking their best friend just left without telling them. So when reader sees Percy at school in the winter they kinda avoid him assuming that he was doing the same, basically they drift apart.

But a year or two later, it turns out reader is also a Demi god just found out later in life maybe a child of Apollo or smt, so they come to camp and they see Percy and suddenly everything is making sense, like why he left on such a short notice why he never contacted them, etc. then Percy and reader just have this little catch up where they realize they still have feelings for each other ,but are maybe too nervous to admit because they don’t wanna ruin their friendship again?

It’s so cliché I know, but I’m such a sucker for the childhood friends to lovers trope.

Percy with a Childhood Friend

Omg this is so CUTE ARGGH!! This is my second time writing this cuz I accidentally deleted everything the first time </3

It’s a little long since I wanted to somewhat incorporate a story🔥 not proofread🔥🔥

Edit: I finished proofreading this and DAMN there were a lot of errors💀💀 do not write when ur about to pass out guys💀

This is literally the cutest idea EVER!!

You guys would totally become friends because of your mutual confusion with school💀 Like you both bond over struggling with school and immediately grow closer

Since he could remember, Percy always had a harder time learning the materials in school and was outcasted for it in a way

So when you sit next to him during recess and start talking to him out of nowhere, he knows you guys are gonna be stuck with each other for a long time

Since you're basically his first friend, in like forever, he can't help the growing feeling he has for you

The way you brightly smile at him when he asks for help on a reading he can’t quite seem to grasp, or the way you patch him up after getting into a fight with one of the bullies

You’re just like the light in his life, you’re warm presence immediately settling his anxiousness

You guys are stuck together like glue and no one can seem to separate you both, something that many have tried to do

Percy believes that nothing can get better than this honeymoon phase in your friendship, swearing that he’s going to confess his small crush on you and everything😭

Until he’s kicked out of school and your family moves away and you begin attending Yancy Academy💀💀

Percy is obviously just as heart broken as you

So for the next few years, Percy faces all these new schools alone and gets kicked out of all them

And when he’s sent to Yancy Academy and finally reunited with you again, he quite literally JUMPS on you

Like this boy is SO HAPPY to see you omg

That spark never left between the two of you and you both make up for lost time

So while school is still the same, getting to see you everyday now is a game changer for Percy

The buried feelings come back full force, your warm and bright smile still making him feel gooey inside after all this time

And you’re just as nervous to him too cuz AHHH!! Childhood crush is back!!

Of course we all know how this ends, Percy is unfortunately kicked out of school again and you’re both heartbroken in the end

Percy leaves mysteriously while you’re wondering where he went

You question Grover on the boys disappearance, the satyr giving you a nervous look while saying Percy didn’t feel quite right attending the school

Which confused and hurt you because Percy had said you made going to this prison worth it

Percy never got to say his goodbyes and is suddenly dragged into the half blood life, continuing his life with danger at every corner

Even after going on all these exciting and dangerous quests, years later Percy will never be able to stop his mind from straying to the one he let get away

He feels regret for the most part and probably thinks you hate him for leaving you so suddenly💀

He often wonders what your doing

Maybe your reading a book from that one author you like

Or maybe you’ve picked up a new hobby. Last time he saw you, you did mention you’ve had this strong urge to learn archery

School starts again and Percy is once again sent to a new school

He’s already anticipating going to camp next year but is immediately caught off guard when he sees you in the distance in one of the school halls

It’s LITERALY like time slows down

His eyes widen when he makes eye contact with you, the light hitting your face in a certain angle that makes you look ethereal

He feels his heart speeding up when your recognize him from the distance

Your face is scrunched up in confusion and then hurt, quickly looking away from him and walking down a different hallway

He’s so happy to see a familar face that he doesn’t even think about how you might be feeling after not seeing him these past few years

Percy looks different. Hes way taller than he was before. His hair is longer and messier, but makes it work. His face is more defined, skin glowing even under the florescent lights

You can’t deny the way your heart skipped a beat at seeing Percy again but everything crumbles down when you remember his unannounced departure from Yancy Academy

‘He could’ve at least told me’ you bitterly think while slamming your locker

Yeah you would avoid him like the plague while school’s in session

Walking in the opposite direction when you see him and avoiding his eyes when he tries to get your attention during class

It isn’t until when a monster interrupts the formal winter dance that you finally speak to him

Percy is trying his best to fight off the monster when it knocks him to the ground with a force that has him hackling for air

That’s when you come to the rescue

“Percy get down!”

“Y/N?!”

With a bow and arrow in hand, you aim for the beast with such precision and confidence, he stares in amazement as you single handily slay the monster with one arrow

He unfortunately has to flee the scene when he hears people barreling down the hallways, anxious to see all the commotion he caused

Yeah he gets to camp early that year💀

And when this guy sees you at camp during the summer, everything suddenly clicks in his head

The way you could see the monster and WERENT affected by the mist

Your scary accurate hit with a bow that seemingly came out of nowhere

And even the way the sun would shine in your favor in random moments

When you see Percy though, your confusion is maxed out. Was this why he left? Why you were never able to get ahold of him?

Yeah things are a little awkward during this time

While you’re put into the Apollo cabin after being claimed and adjusting to camp, Percy finds a hard time to talk to you

He’s SUPER excited knowing you’re a half blood too

He doesn’t have to worry about keeping any secrets from you and can tell you all about his journey throughout the years!!!

But fate seems to pull you and him further apart, bit by bit

He’s forced to hear your contagious laughter from afar during dinner, watching with soft eyes as your siblings surround you, nudging you suggestively when they catch him staring at you

You look over to him and send him a shy smile, in which he would perk up at finally getting your attention :D

After that night, things get a little easier

He’s still dragged away whenever he tries to approach you, but now he isn’t the only one trying to talk

You both wave whenever you see each other

Percy still stares at you whenever a camper tries asking him a question

While you try to walk up to him, he’s magically bombarded by other campers crowding him

He would push past them all to finally get to you after you nod your head to the side, urging him to follow you

“Yeah you know what guys? How about we catch up with this during the campfire! Yeah yeah, totally, see ya!”

He’s jogging up to you as you both walk the shore

“Well aren’t you popular here.” You say with a sly smile

“Oh yeah, I’m kinda known around camp. I’ve had a few uh, memorable, moments.” This dude is blushing like crazy cuz FINALLY! He’s finally alone with you!

After settling everything between you two, once again you’re stuck together

Training together despite your different weapons, doing activities together is a new norm

Except things are different this time

Percy isn’t the shy boy he was when he was young

He’s more confident and wants to make his intentions know to you

While he shows you how to use his sword during training, you guys already know he’s placing his hands over yours to show you the ‘correct placement’

So sly teehee

During the art and craft activities , he’s suggesting you guys to make a matching bracelet

His smooth flirting isn’t missed by you and you’re literally having a HEARTATTACK

You aren’t used to Percy being so bold, buts it’s honestly such a nice change of pace

He would definitely confess his feelings after dinner near the shore

And despite his suave attitude the past weeks, he’s so clumsy when he reveals his feelings for you

“So um, I like y- wait. Ok ok, sorry. What I wanted to say is that like, I like you. A lot actually. For a while. And you know it’s completely fine if you don’t, but I hope you like me the same because this would be really embarrassing for me-“

“Percy! It’s ok um! I like you too. A lot.”

It’s SUPER CHEESY BUT LIKE

COME ON

HES GIVING YOU PUPPY DOG EYES WHEN YOU SAY THAT AND UGH

He’s would totally lift you up and spin you around because he’s so HAPPY

Bro finally got his crush😭😭

He’s so sweet to you like bro

Always hyping you up during mock battles, cheering you on during camp games even if you’re aren’t on the same team

You already know he’s willing to lay down his life for you😭

And you wouldn’t hesitate to do the same even if he begs you not to say that (he doesn’t want to even think of the thought of you leaving him)

He’s an extremely affectionate person, pda is his middle name

If you aren’t that comfortable with pda though, he’ll settle with just holding your hand. He’ll just cuddle you later in private😻🔥🔥

But of course you guys are still best friends so you both would still clown the other if one of you does something stupid

He would love it if you play with his hair

He would be sitting in front of you during the campfire while you’re on a log seat when you brush some hair away from his face.

You rub his head a bit and Percy would lean his head into your hands.

When you’re done you pull away only for your boyfriend to bring your hands back to his hair, silently asking you to continue (UGHHHH MY HEART)

Sally loves you and is supportive of you guys (your number one supporter)

She invites you to have dinner with them and how could you refuse😩

Percy is so down bad for you and always brags about how long you both have known each other and how close you are

Like no one cares but he’ll just keep and talking about you to anyone around

Sometimes when you bunk in his cabin for a night or two, he likes talking about the past and how far you’ve both come

It’s during these nights where he’ll get emotional, maybe cry because he’s so grateful he has you in his life

You would kiss his tears away (SCREAMING)

Overall, childhood friends to lovers works out PERFECTLY with Percy. He values your friendship as much as he values your relationship

He knows you better than anyone in your life, has seen different versions of yourself and has always stuck by your side, through thick and thin💔

[mahi-wayy]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 | 𝑫𝑯𝑹𝑼𝑽𝑨

• General • Romantic [both sfw and nsfw]

A/n : these can be requested for a particular character through my asks!!

I - GENERAL

Dhruva has a canon habit of fidgeting other than that he doesn't like his hands empty and over time starts wearing rings (yes more than one) to fidget with when he can't find a pen.

He does not enjoy going out of his circle, rarely seen at social events unless it's absolute nesscary or his team was dragging him along.

Adores house gatherings, just him and his friends chilling after a long day, week or month of a case.

Can handle his drink, had a smoking habit in his college days but got rid of it before it got bad.

Developed insomnia thanks to his overworking ass, Karan and Ranveer have found him passed out on his desk several times.

The level of sarcasm he uses is unreal 😭💀🤚🏻

Does not and absolutely CANNOT live without his coffee.

Overthinks everything damn thing, refuses to budge from it until he gets a outcome he wants.

Has slight anxiety thanks to the said overthinking.

Very irritable during a particular bad insomnia episode.

Lost in his own thoughts even in a party where the speakers are damaging ear levels of volume.

God level concentration/observation powers.

Dumb when it comes to emotions.

Has absolutely NO IDEA how to deal with his own feelings let alone others.

Suffered heavy depression after Gautam's death and the whole Siddharth case but refuses to see a doctor.

Developed a degree of separation anxiety when it comes to his friends and partner.

Under no circumstances should be left in closed spaces without a purpose, has claustrophobia to a extent.

It triggers his anxiety.

Doesn't remember much of his childhood memories, the ones he does are majorly blurry.

Not much recollection of his parents, except that his dad was in police too and his mom was a homemaker.

Religiously visits temples on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

DO NOT go near him when he is working, he snaps very easily, especially if it includes drugs.

Has some level of PTSD which he again refuses to admit.

Passes out of exhaustion very two weeks.

II - ROMANTIC

SFW

Will never make the first move, his partner has to be the one to do it.

Catches on very quick about them liking him but plays oblivious.

For the longest time he didn't and still somewhere doesn't understand the concept of love.

Has had male crushes through out his college.

Yes Gautam was one of them at one point.

Doesn't talk about his feelings, has to be coaxed by his partner.

Takes forever to accept that he is infact attracted or in love.

Toxic levels of devotion can be observed once he does.

Enjoys in home dates instead of going out.

Cooking together>>> Date in restaurant.

Enjoys quite evenings of just reading to his partner.

NSFW

He is a sub in every way possible.

Service top dhruva >>>>

Cries because he feels so good.

Slips in subspace very easily.

Soft moaning and deep groans.

Needs to get his brain fucked out once a month. for his own good.

Can't take orgasm denial.

Cries but secretly enjoys overstimulation.

Has a praise kink size of a mansion.

VERY MINIMAL degradation when he is being a brat.

A very light pain kink.

Blindfold? Yes. Hands tied? Yes. Gag? Yes.

Enjoys sensory deprivation.

Did I mention crying easily?

__________

tags : @voidsteffy @warnermeadowsgirl @mayakimayahai @vijayasena

[thefirstimagifabricator]

that art I just rbed linked back to this so. here I am again. and I have some Thoughts that just happened so ima share them bc. I want to

so I have two sets of thoughts. first one is actually the second I thought of while looking at this post but is smth from ~10 minutes before (re-)seeing it so. putting that first—

btw this first one is. less orv and kinda more general and personal lol (though not in terms of info and shite—I’m not doxxing myself or oversharing trauma or wtv lmao 💀)

just. the first sentence of the second paragraph here. “the moment you love a story it becomes immortal, neverending.” it reminded me of the thought process I had like ten minutes ago, that was about how just. I love stories so so much and. wait actually lemme backtrack slightly—stories are immortal so long as they’ve been told and remembered; they’re the things that carry through time, the ones we haven’t forgotten even over millennia—and that’s why I want to read them (or watch them or wtv) and why I want to write them, because I want to remember, and I want to be remembered. but then I was thinking about all the forgotten stories, and it made me sad—but then I also thought that, if they’ve been told, and people have listened, then they’ve made an impact, haven’t they? they left a mark, a portion of influence, even if seemingly not very large. and so they’re immortalized in the passage of time, in their impact, in how they affected people and their emotions and how they thought about things and did things and what things they did—that all cannot be removed from the process of time; it is there forever, and therefore is immortal.

second thought thing!! this is also kinda personal, a bit more so than the first, but also more directly orv-related lol. though it’s also a lot longer and, tbh, kinda darker, and also I think less coherent and more ramble-y so ima put it under a cut I think—

so I. I am a kdj kinnie lol—but really what I mean when I say that is that I see myself in him, and himself in me—but it’s like looking into the deep end of a pool from a shallower area, and it’s like you somehow swam to where you are from somewhere nearer to that deep end without realizing you were doing so most of the time. looking back and realizing now how you’d been drowning without being aware, having not even ever really taken a breath of air, or not enough of them to get the taste of it, and not enough to miss it—and all the points where you finally caught a lungful of it, but also where you were thrown deeper, and the pain burning in your lungs screaming for air that wasn’t within reach—seeing now how you’ve found close companions along the way and helped each other in your journey, if even just as motivation to chase each other and continue onwards most of the time—and knowing how some days and some weeks and sometimes months you still slip deeper, you trip, your head goes beneath the surface, and you flounder.

but you see all this. and you look back. and you see another. and they look just like you, and their path is quite similar, but more ragged, and deeper, further beneath the surface most of the time, shoved there by forces he couldn’t control. and you want to reach out, to guide him gently along to reach where you are now, but you can’t reach him, can’t touch him, can speak to him no matter how hard you try. so all you can do is hope for his sake.

I think I also still see his flaws in myself, the habits we share that I curse him for and yet, hypocritically, still persist in—and yet we are also different in not just overall scope and depth of the ‘water’ we’re trapped in, but how far we’ve come and how much we’ve changed—I kin Kim Dokja because he reminds me of myself, yet the recognition of our similarities leads me further and further from him, ironically.

so I think what I’m saying, in relation to the original post, is that Kim Dokja has helped to teach me how to drag myself along and continue to live, but largely in how he’s taught me not to do so, or rather, called attention to things I’ve already learned not to do for that…and people may say that then it doesn’t make sense for me to kin him, as he is a cautionary tale to me—which would make sense, except he isn’t such; all that most separated the circumstances and occurrences of his life from mine were just that—circumstances set up by incidents which he had no control over, not really, things that could happen to anyone but happened to all happen to him—a collection of tragedies set up by chance.

orv and its core message being: live, even if you must claw your way out of the grave and even if you must burn every page of this book to keep you warm. you can consume us to sustain you through the winter and we will still be there when spring arrives.

the moment you love a story it becomes immortal, neverending. take it. take all of it. we don't mind.

[manjiroro]

Hi there im not sure if you're still accepting requests but I was wondering if I can have a headcannon for Baji and Chifuyu (separately) having a crush on the fem!reader who has the same personality as gojo did when he was in highschool?

(He was an asshole,a tease,and a flirt, menace in general💀)

Anyways Thanks You and have a great day and remember to drink lots of water 💖

crush who is like gojo in highschool

characters: baji, chifuyu

content: fluff, fem reader, slight crack, cursing

part 2

helloo thank you for requesting~! HELP THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED GOJO NSDIO i agree with you 100%. thank you for the reminder and i hope you're in good health !

i apologise for any mistakes and i hope you enjoy~

b a j i

almost everyone in school has had a crush on you and baji is no exception

no one could deny the fact that you were attractive but your personality was the complete opposite of people’s expectations

but that didn’t deter people, your charm was just too irresistible, so you would get tons of confessions  

i feel like baji would not outwardly say that he likes you but rather would try to attract you by showing off the fact that he’s in a gang and he’s a good fighter. 

“Huh, oh yeah, I once singlehandedly beat down a whole gang. I’m the first division captain of a gang after all.”

he would say that as if it were no big deal 

he genuinely has no idea if you’re interested in him or not since you would usually flirt with others for the fun of it

his biggest flex is that he’s actually close to you like yall are in the same class and you thought he was cool and became friends with him

but you can be quite mean to him at times 

baji would get mad of course but he will calm down after awhile since he can’t possibly stay at mad you forever

but there will always be occasional banter between the both of you

“Baji the fuck? You’ve been staring at that for the past 10 minutes, we literally just went through that in class.”

“Shut up, I’m trying.”

“Yeah okay, since I’m such a nice person, I’ll help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Keep telling yourself that Kesuke.”

Baji will get mad if he sees someone trying to hit on you, he’s jealous but he wouldn’t say anything about it, instead he will do something to chase the person away.

“Y-yn, I.. like you, please accept my confession!”

they bowed to you while holding out a bouquet of flowers, to which you take hold of and before you can even respond, baji barges into the class to snatch the bouquet of flowers away and leaves without saying another word, leaving you and the poor student dumbfounded.

when you confront him about it, he’ll just shrug it off or try to change the topic

he gets even more mad when you start flirting with someone or when you flirt back

“Hehe, you’re pretty cute yourself, we should hang out some- OI”

you were hitting on a year 1 kid when baji spotted you and decided to drag you away by your hair

“THE FUCK KESUKE”

you would yell at him as he drags you away without saying a word to the confused year 1 kid.

“Stop hitting on random people you barely know.”

“And how does that concern you, kesuke, what you jealous?”

“No, why would i be”

i feel like baji would accidentally confess to you

he was just very frustrated at you then he’ll do it without second thought

“What is your problem kesuke, you’ve been so pissy recently, what you got rejected or something?”

“My problem? My problem is that the girl I like has been constantly getting hit on and she thinks it’s fun to flirt with others, so THAT is my problem.”

the poor boy had to stop and rethink on what he had just said to you, that was when he realised he had accidentally confessed to you, he was ready to bury himself in a hole

but the shock he had when you agreed to date him

“Are you seriously pissed over THAT? God, you can be so dumb sometimes. You’re lucky I like you back.”

he stared blankly at your face, he hasn’t fully process his accidental confession and now that you’ve confessed he was stunned

“Are you being serious right now and you’re not actually playing with my feelings?”

“Yes kesuke, I like you back, be grateful, I rarely accept confessions.”

he can’t help but to give a bonk to your head, smiling at how he can finally call you his <3

c h i f u y u

chifuyu will be the one to fall head over heels for you

you get a lot of confessions and half of them would come from him

“Chifuyu really?”

You asked as you sat at your desk, looking up at him as he offers you a box of chocolates

“Thank you Chifuyu but really? You’ve been doing this for so long.”

chifuyu nodded, a blush evident on his cheeks

“Go out with me please!”

you sighed at his confession, he had been confessing to you ever since the school year started and despite getting rejected every time, he doesn’t stop. he believes that you will accept his confession one day

“No.”

because he likes you so much, he’s the victim of your constant teasing

“You’re adorable chifuyu~”

you were bored in class and wanted to tease him a bit, so you decided to do his hair despite his constant protests. 

“Stop-”

“How can I stop when you look this cute~”

there were times where you’d be such an asshole to chifuyu, telling him to do stuff for you and picking on him

but he was super patient with you and eventually you stopped because you felt bad

like baji, he gets pissed when he sees someone trying to hit on you also but he will interrupt the conversation instead 

“Y/n.. i’ve like you for a while now... please be my girlfriend!”

“WOAH WOAH WOAH.”

the both of you turned to see a pissed chifuyu standing a few centimeters away

“Chifuyu what are you-”

“You can’t date y/n because y/n isn’t interested in you.”

chifuyu would outright say, making the student have tears well up in their eyes which stunned chifuyu

“Wait- don’t cry- I-”

you sighed at chifuyu, he ended up consoling the crying student while you stood at the side watching the whole thing

if you flirt with someone and he sees, he’ll let you be but he’ll be evidently angry at you

“chifuyu, you got a stick up your ass or something? Why’re you so mad?”

“BECAUSE... because... you were.. hitting on other.. people”

you can’t help but to laugh at him

“Well aren’t you adorable chifuyu.”

he’s gonna be the kind to take you out on dates in hopes that you’ll like him back 

he brings you anywhere you’d wanna go on his bike, he does it to show off that he’s a gang member

besides, he knows you like riding on his bike

i feel like he’ll come up with excuses to hang out with you also like asking if you needed help with chores or if you could help him out with stuff

“Chifuyu, I know I’m the best and all but, why do you need my help with studying?” 

“I don’t know what you mean y/n.”

“Wha- Chifuyu, it’s the semester break! What do you mean you don’t know what I mean. If you wanted to hang out, you could’ve just said so.”

that was when chifuyu slowly placed the book down, he was embarrassed to have been found out by you

“Then... let’s go get something to eat...”

when the day you accepted his confession finally came, chifuyu almost faints

“Please go out with me!”

“Okay.”

“Y/n, I know I’ve been asking you for a long time but please just this once!”

“Chifuyu, I said okay.”

“What-”

Chifuyu stared at you blankly, did.. you accept his confession?

“Did.. you just..”

“Yes Chifuyu, I’ll accept your confession.”

Chifuyu cannot contain his excitement as he hurriedly pulled you into a hug so tight that you almost couldn’t breathe. You feel him smile into the crook of neck and you can’t help but to smile back, hugging him back as tight as he did <3

❥ masterlist

[thefirstimagifabricator]

that art I just rbed linked back to this so. here I am again. and I have some Thoughts that just happened so ima share them bc. I want to

so I have two sets of thoughts. first one is actually the second I thought of while looking at this post but is smth from ~10 minutes before (re-)seeing it so. putting that first—

btw this first one is. less orv and kinda more general and personal lol (though not in terms of info and shite—I’m not doxxing myself or oversharing trauma or wtv lmao 💀)

just. the first sentence of the second paragraph here. “the moment you love a story it becomes immortal, neverending.” it reminded me of the thought process I had like ten minutes ago, that was about how just. I love stories so so much and. wait actually lemme backtrack slightly—stories are immortal so long as they’ve been told and remembered; they’re the things that carry through time, the ones we haven’t forgotten even over millennia—and that’s why I want to read them (or watch them or wtv) and why I want to write them, because I want to remember, and I want to be remembered. but then I was thinking about all the forgotten stories, and it made me sad—but then I also thought that, if they’ve been told, and people have listened, then they’ve made an impact, haven’t they? they left a mark, a portion of influence, even if seemingly not very large. and so they’re immortalized in the passage of time, in their impact, in how they affected people and their emotions and how they thought about things and did things and what things they did—that all cannot be removed from the process of time; it is there forever, and therefore is immortal.

second thought thing!! this is also kinda personal, a bit more so than the first, but also more directly orv-related lol. though it’s also a lot longer and, tbh, kinda darker, and also I think less coherent and more ramble-y so ima put it under a cut I think—

so I. I am a kdj kinnie lol—but really what I mean when I say that is that I see myself in him, and himself in me—but it’s like looking into the deep end of a pool from a shallower area, and it’s like you somehow swam to where you are from somewhere nearer to that deep end without realizing you were doing so most of the time. looking back and realizing now how you’d been drowning without being aware, having not even ever really taken a breath of air, or not enough of them to get the taste of it, and not enough to miss it—and all the points where you finally caught a lungful of it, but also where you were thrown deeper, and the pain burning in your lungs screaming for air that wasn’t within reach—seeing now how you’ve found close companions along the way and helped each other in your journey, if even just as motivation to chase each other and continue onwards most of the time—and knowing how some days and some weeks and sometimes months you still slip deeper, you trip, your head goes beneath the surface, and you flounder.

but you see all this. and you look back. and you see another. and they look just like you, and their path is quite similar, but more ragged, and deeper, further beneath the surface most of the time, shoved there by forces he couldn’t control. and you want to reach out, to guide him gently along to reach where you are now, but you can’t reach him, can’t touch him, can speak to him no matter how hard you try. so all you can do is hope for his sake.

I think I also still see his flaws in myself, the habits we share that I curse him for and yet, hypocritically, still persist in—and yet we are also different in not just overall scope and depth of the ‘water’ we’re trapped in, but how far we’ve come and how much we’ve changed—I kin Kim Dokja because he reminds me of myself, yet the recognition of our similarities leads me further and further from him, ironically.

so I think what I’m saying, in relation to the original post, is that Kim Dokja has helped to teach me how to drag myself along and continue to live, but largely in how he’s taught me not to do so, or rather, called attention to things I’ve already learned not to do for that…and people may say that then it doesn’t make sense for me to kin him, as he is a cautionary tale to me—which would make sense, except he isn’t such; all that most separated the circumstances and occurrences of his life from mine were just that—circumstances set up by incidents which he had no control over, not really, things that could happen to anyone but happened to all happen to him—a collection of tragedies set up by chance.

orv and its core message being: live, even if you must claw your way out of the grave and even if you must burn every page of this book to keep you warm. you can consume us to sustain you through the winter and we will still be there when spring arrives.

the moment you love a story it becomes immortal, neverending. take it. take all of it. we don't mind.