#and recorded with a shitty slide phone mic

[mothbaaalls]

HOLY SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY FIRST PHONE TO SEE IF I COULD BORROW THE SD CARD FROM IT FOR MY CAMERA AND

I'VE KNOWN ABOUT VOCALOID SINCE AT LEAST JUNE 2013. OUUUUGH I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL

i didn't realize i got into vocaloid so soon after my dad died ;-; i knew it was a coping thing for me but oh my god i didn't realize it was That quick...

i don't even remember how i found it at this point but it was probably nyan cat to be honest. i probably played a nyan cat flash game or something and then found the youtube video and then found out about vocaloid from there...

[scarlettriot]

Stood Up

You (Y/N) get stood up from a date and Kaminari decides to do something about it.

Pairing: Kaminari/F!Reader

Contains: Fluff, Flirty Denki, Established BakuSquad Friendship

Warnings: 18+ Below the cut, Minors DNI! Swearing, Electro-Stim, Overstimulation, use of pet names (cuddle bug & cutie), oral (F receiving), consensual recording

A/N: Well, here we are with the third in my Stood Up series. There is also Bakugo & Kirishima if you're interested. This one took me way too long and it's also my first time writing Kaminari at length. I hope you all like it :)

Word Count Starting Below: 2,461

You slipped your foot into the silver heels you had picked out. Something a little fancier since this was a first date after all and you wanted to make a lasting impression. Not only that but this was your first first date in a while. Being a Pro Hero made life busy and dating difficult.

Practically the entire day leading up to this very moment revolved around you either getting ready or babbling with excitement to your closest friends.

An alert chimed on your phone with a text from your date, a smile sliding onto your face expecting to read some message about how they were on their way and that they'd see you soon, but that wasn't what you were met with.

Instead, it was a screenshot of your Instagram page, multiple of them actually, all of you and the ridiculous photos you took with your friends but mostly with one Denki Kaminari. The most recent of which was from a tea shop he met you at just earlier that day so you could show him the shoes for your date.

The message below was simple and more than enough to leave a sour taste in your mouth, this isn't what I want to see when I'm supposed to be taking you out tonight. What, one date a day isn't enough? Why are you even dating? Does your blonde boyfriend know?

You giggled at what they were implying, quick to explain how these were all your friends, they had been since high school! They are people you spent what little free time you had with. Especially Denki, your best friend since you were 15!

That joy you felt started dissipating within the next few messages. You hadn't even had a first date and they were already jealous, and that was something you didn't have room for in your life. So, you slipped the heels off your feet and put them directly back in the box to return when you had the time. Tight black jeans and fitted top were exchanged with a hoodie and sweats although your makeup and hair stayed done, you didn't have the energy to undo your hard work.

Instead, you slid back into your computer chair, your headset snuggly back on your ears and before you notified everyone you were back online, you took a moment listening to the chatter of your friends.

"Shitty Hair! Fuckin' pay attention!"

"Yeah, man! We're getting slaughtered over here!"

"Less yelling at Kiri! More shooty shooty!"

"All of you are hopeless..."

Eijiro chuckled out an apology that was accompanied by a lighter giggle also coming from his mic. "Think this is gonna be my last round for a bit, guys."

"You're so fuckin' whipped." Bakugo scoffed, before screaming profanities.

"Is it whipped if I'm the one who's wanting to get her into bed though?"

You clicked your mic back on then. "Hey, remember last week when Kats forgot his push to talk so we all heard him getting head and we party whipped because someone couldn't focus?"

"You better shut the hell up right fucking now!"

Everyone else roared with laughter. "Yeah! At least I have the decency to mute myself!"

"Hey, wait a sec, why are you online, Y/N!" Denki noted, "You should have already left!"

You screenshot your messages to the group chat because it was far easier than just explaining the ordeal.

"Cute shoes." Eijiro and Kyoka commented at the same time.

There was a lull as their game ended and the messages were read.

"Ya don't need 'em if they're gonna have their head so far up their ass like this."

"I agree." Hanta chimed in. "They're not worth your time."

"Still, sorry they turned out to be a shit." You could hear the frown on Kyoka's face, "I know how excited you were."

"Right, you doin' okay, Y/N? I can stick around and we can all shoot some things!"

"Thanks, Kiri but I'll be just fine! Go spend time with your girl!"

One by one, everyone signed off. You pulled up Spotify and Stardew Valley, something of a comfort for you to get lost in for the rest of the night.

Less than an hour later, you noticed your phone lighting up with your best friend's familiar smiling face. "What's up, Denki?"

"Open your door! I have my hands full and don't wanna put everything down to get my key!"

You sprang from your desk and rushed to your door. Sure enough, on the other side was Denki with bags in both hands and his phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. You grabbed it and a bag before he had a chance to drop anything like the klutz he was. "What's with all this?"

"I feel bad."

"Why? You didn't stand me up?"

He fiddled with the edge of a paper bag. "Yeah, but, we both read those messages and no one said anything but they didn't just call our group out, they called us out.

"Denks, it doesn't matter to me-"

"But, it does to me! You were so excited about this and I got in the way, unknowingly but, still! So, I gotta make it up to you now!"

He pulled out take-out boxes from your favorite restaurant. Two bottles of your favorite wine. Your top three favorite movies and video games, and a board game you both had been meaning to try. "I mean, if they think I'm your boyfriend I kinda gotta live up to the hype, right?"

You really wanted to insist that none of this was necessary. That just because some person that neither of you really knew that well, assumed something about your relationship that didn't mean he had to blame himself for it.

But, you had to admit, this was really sweet. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to you that he knew everything you liked but it was nice. Instead of sitting across from a stranger, making awkward small talk, and trying to learn about one another, you were barefoot in your kitchen, laughing with your best friend while he plated dinner and you poured the wine.

Formalities were out the window. Both you and Denki were eating dinner in your living room, laughing and drinking just as you'd done a million times before. You snapped a photo of the delicious food on paper plates, toasting good times with your cheap wine, ready to post them to your Instagram.

"Gonna make them more jealous..."

"I think they made it pretty clear they don't want to see me so why should I care?"

He shrugged. "I just thought they might, you know, come to their senses that they obviously lost."

"I don't really care either way." You wandered back into your kitchen, putting away the leftovers, "They can forget I exist or they can stalk my page like a creep. If someones' gonna try and tell me I can't be friends with my friends or just not listen to me, then I don't want them in my life. No matter how good-looking they are."

Denki watched you from the sofa, a bit of a lopsided grin on his face that had butterflies taking flight in your stomach. "What?" Laughing to hide the bit of a crush you always had on the man. It was unavoidable you told yourself. His personality was infectious and had 15 year old you head over heels.

He pushed back bright blonde hair back off his forehead and just shook his head. "Nothin'. Uh, what's next? Video game, board game, or movie?"

You peaked on the counter at the options. "Well, we probably should have checked this but the board game needs at least four people to play... guess we'll have to save that for our next game night. Is a movie okay?"

Of course, it was.

You brought over the DVD with a refill of wine and he pulled a blanket down off the back of your sofa.

It really didn't take long, just fifteen minutes or so, and you were curled up into Denki's side. You'd make grabby hands for your wine glass and he'd pass it over with that damn grin again.

And not long after that, he'd pulled out his phone, angling it to take a picture of the two of you. "What are you doing?" You could see him on his own Instagram, tagging you, with the caption, Check out my cute cuddle bug.

"I thought you didn't want to make them more jealous."

"I decided I don't care either. You're mine tonight, their loss. And since you're mine tonight, I get bragging rights." He snapped another quick picture of you rolling your eyes at him, and then he kept snapping them.

"Denki! Why!"

"Because you're cute, cuddle bug! I like having all the pictures of you that I can!"

Even as you tackled him back down on the sofa, pinning him below you, he still managed a photo. "Bet if I post this one, they'll really get the wrong idea."

You could have moved. You were the one on top of him and you had his arms above his head. You had the power here and yet you just lingered above him.

"Y/N? Not that I'm one to complain about having a beautiful person such as yourself pinning me down, like, it's kinda hot, but..." Looking down into half-lidded golden eyes, you wondered why you had to become best friends with such a damn flirt! "Are you gonna take advantage of this situation we're in or are we just gonna keep dancing around this for another decade or so?"

You couldn't have heard him right? No... no this was your brain playing tricks on you because he certainly hadn't had that much wine tonight. You sat upright on his lap. "Another decade then, Y/N?"

"You- ha- you should stop that, Denki."

He leaned up, moving his arms around you, "Gimme a good reason to and I will."

You didn't have one. And not just because you've been in love with him for ten years but also because he was your best friend. The only reason to not go through with it was the possibility of losing your friendship if something bad were to happen but, you really didn't think anything would.

Denki might have been a serial flirt but he was surprisingly loyal in all the relationships he'd been in, not that there had been all that many serious ones.

"I'm not hearing anything." He teased, his face getting closer to yours. You could count each and every one of the faint freckles that littered the balls of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. "But, I promise, if you tell me no, I'll stop, won't push this any further."

This whole thing seemed like a frickin' whirlwind, happening faster than your brain could really process the situation but you didn't want it to stop either. You wanted to take it further, didn't want to say no.

Which was why you coiled your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. There was that small little buzz of electricity that tickled your lips when he'd kiss your nose or cheeks that was now playing on his lips, on his tongue when you welcomed him in.

He leaned back again, pulling you with him until you were both a pile of needy hands and breathy pleas. Everywhere his hands roamed you felt that faint trail of shock against your skin, making the little hairs on your body stand on end.

Clothes were shed, tossed haphazardly around your living room, both of you pausing to laugh when Denki managed to land your hoodie over a lamp. His attention was drawn back to you quickly though, still perched on top of him but now he had your chest on full display since you'd forgone a bra when your date canceled.

Electrifying tongue twirled around your nipples, sensitive normally, now it felt like you knew what it was like when he fried his damn brain. He was eager, relentless even, pulling and sucking, another hand giving your other breast a similar treatment. He had you so focused that you let out a broken moan when slender fingers found their way into your panties.

"Fuckin' hell, Denki."

The bastard winked up at you, nipple still between his lips and before you could retort, he sent another small jolt through you.

You were blatantly grinding down on his hand, reaching behind you, you found him completely solid, barely being contained in the tight black boxers he wore. You had enough sense to tug them down and wrap your hand around him making his teeth sink into your soft flesh, whining when you stroked him.

"Y/N..." He whimpered, his hand momentarily distracted from his ministrations gave you enough time to shift in his lap to scoot forward putting his cock in front of you. In one swift motion, you had his length between your slick. "Oh fuck, cutie!" Golden eyes were squeezed shut while you moved along him, feeling that pleasant curve he had, you could only imagine what it was gonna be like to have him inside you.

"You're being a little tease, ma-makes me wanna do all sorts of things to y-you."

He was kissing your neck, your chest, shoulders, and arms, anywhere on you that he could reach. His hips bucking up into you, just trying to hit that perfect angle.

Strength and agility were something most overlooked when it came to Denki Kaminari but when the man wanted something bad enough, he found a way to get it.

He had your ass rising up in the air with a harsh thrust of his hips and a small squeak from you, giving him exactly enough time to scoot down on the sofa so you were sat atop his face. If you complained, he didn't hear you. Denki already had your thighs around his head and his tongue devouring you completely.

Little shockwaves rocked you while you cried out his name, hands fisting blonde locks just trying to stay upright.

One orgasm from you apparently wasn't enough, neither was two but on the third, Denki finally relented, allowing your heartrate to come back down and your gasping breaths to come in more steadily.

You slid back down his body, his erection now smack against your ass. His hair was recked, face completely flush but he had the biggest grin on his face that you'd ever seen.

Denki kissed both your cheeks, "You are so amazing, cutie!" Kissed your lips, "You taste better than anything I've ever had!" And one more on the tip of your nose. "Doin' okay?"

You nodded, starting to really gather yourself again, and by this point, you really just wanted one thing.

"I wanna... Denks... can I take care of you now?"

"Sure, cutie! How do you want me?" The wiggling eyebrows had you rolling your eyes and pushing him on his back again.

It took little effort for you to position yourself above his cock, and with how slick you were, his bright pink head slipped right inside. He held your hands while you scrunched up your face, sliding all the way down him until he was completely sheathed within.

The curve was immaculate. Hitting in just the right way that had you moaning with just a couple thrusts from him. Before long, you were eagerly bouncing on his cock. Riding him hard so he filled you up each and every time.

You barely registered him reaching for the coffee table, his phone now in his hands. "What're you doin'?" You practically slurred, slowing only slightly. He tapped the camera lens with a wicked grin. "Seriously?"

"We could make 'em really jealous now..."

Somewhere in your brain, you knew your date wouldn't give two shits, in fact, this probably would have only validated their thoughts about your's and Denki's relationship but with his cock stuffed so deeply into you, kissing your cervix in the most beautiful way, you really didn't give a damn.

You and Denki put on the best possible show you could think of. You were overstimulated, sore, and completely elated! He balanced the phone against the wine bottle so neither of you had to try to hold it.

This way he could play with your breasts or squeeze your thighs while you dug half-moons into his chest. Shocked with the playful zaps he sent right to your core.

Your makeup you'd didn't feel like taking off now ran down your cheeks with tears. Your hair was a mess thanks to him pulling at it.

Denki had you howling through another two orgasms, telling you how perfect you were, how nice you felt squeezing him so tightly, your nails felt so good against his skin.

It was only when you collapsed against his chest did he hoist your hips up so he could ram into you, pulling out just at the last second with a strangled cry of your name.

He wiggled himself free, grabbing a towel from your bathroom and cleaning you both up before stopping the recording.

"You're, hey you're gonna send that to me right?" You asked when he handed back your hoodie off the lamp.

He dropped a kiss on your lips, plopping down beside you on the sofa again and you noticed your email already up and the video uploading. "Obviously, we share all our videos and photos. Why would this be different?"

[emile-hides]

H*lding H*nds Imagines

I am once again making content for me and me alone because I have an unhealthy obsession for BNHA blond boys

BNHA Blond Boys X GN!Reader h*nd h*lding moments

Characters: All Might, Present Mic, Fatgum, Twice, Aoyama, Ojiro, Kaminari, Bakugo, Honenuki, Monoma, Mirio

All Might

Knuckle brush

You handed him things before

Stacks of papers to grade, coffee after a long day, a napkin when he goes into a coughing fit

But something about this time turns his face a deep red

He withdrew quickly, in a jerking manner that dragged more attention than you’re sure he meant it to

He cleared this throat and thanked you quietly before shuffling off

It took a few moments to really set on you

You’d made contact

Such little contact you’d barely even felt it

He was cold, his skin rough and calloused, wrinkled and dry

How you managed to notice so much with such brief contact is astounding

And also incomparable to how much he noticed

He’s thinking about it all day, glancing at where the contact was made, shuffling, flushing to himself, holding his knuckles to his lips

Do it on purpose next time you hand him a stack of papers and he’ll drop them

Present Mic

In a crowd

It’s LOUD

You and Hizashi are trying to get home after a live show

The crowd is huge and still hyped from the concert

The quarters are tight, the space is limited, and without his towering hair spike it’s hard to keep track of your loud blond

Eventually a strong clasp from a hand horribly decorated in rings, fingerless gloves, and black nail polish claps on your wrist as your continued to be pulled though a crowd

When the world finally starts to calm and you have room to breath his hand slides to connect to your palm

Fingers intertwine with yours as a series of “Y’all good?”s start, followed quickly by an excited narration of the chaos that just ensued

He’d taken your hand so causally you barely even noticed

The two of you walked in a much calmer crowd, hand in hand, as Hizashi randomly picked bystanders out of his vocal range and made up their life stories to tell you

Fatgum

Big hands

You laid idly on the couch in Fatgum’s office, the interns long sense gone home

A pile of paperwork blocked your view of your hard working hero as he sat at his desk

You slumped and slid off the couch, boredom rising as you phone lie dead on the table nearby

A loud groan drives a “Just a bit longer, gumdrop” from behind the piles of unfinished work, a bit longer could be years for all you cared

Sliding across the hardwood floor on your back, you found yourself beside Taishiro’s desk, looking up at him from an angle you were rather use to

He was focused, with a smile still on his face as he worked, writing with one hand, the other causually turning Takoyaki in the grill built into his desk

You sat up, watching quietly. He was typically pretty observant, but he may not yet have noticed your approach

When his hand stopped turning and released, you took your chance

Both your hands snatched his wrist, sitting up a bit to rest yourself on his lap, you examined his large palm

He chuckled, “What’cha doin’, cupcake?”

His hand was massive in your own, enough to make anyone feel like a child. It could engulf you, hold half your torso and still have a pinkie to spare

You pressed on his palm, he hummed and returned to work, leaving you to admire as you pleased

His knuckles were scarred, several gashes and scrapes from punching at materials harder than even his fat could handle

Old burns from cooking, white spots on his finger tips from a time before he learned patients

You leaned back on him, holding his hand in your own, and watched him work

He seemed much more blissed from your company

Twice

Not enough hands

Jin’s a very physical person

He hangs off you every chance he can get, coddling and loving on you

He finds it annoying

So it’s not surprise as you two settled down for a movie night he was instantly on your lap like a cat

He lays over you like a blanket, limbs tangled every which way, head on your chest, looking at you more than the movie

One of your hands lay idly by your head, that one he has his own over, fingers tangled messily, almost uncomfortably

His other arm trapped under you, a hug from below, resting also uncomfortably against your spine

Leaving your free hand to tangle in his hair, a rare sight to have his mask off, though it probably wouldn’t last the whole movie, it should be cherished until then

When you notice his staring at you more than the screen, you choose to join him

You slide your hand from his hair to his cheek, he leans into it with the most lovestruck puppydog look a man his age could muster

He then starts to fidget around, moving like he’s stuck

It doesn’t take long from there for him to start getting frustrated with himself, splitting an argument for two between just him

You gently lift his head to regain eye contact and ask what’s wrong

He nearly starts crying

“I want to hold your cheek too but I don’t have enough hands!!”

He’s not willing to remove your hand from his hold or pull his other arm out from under you to compromise his own needs

He does eventually start crying over his lack of extra limbs to love you with

Aoyama

Standing ovation

Roaring applause rippled thought the auditorium

It wasn’t a big show, or a big stage, but it was your first written play, and seeing it go over so well was enough to bring a tear to your eyes

You joined the audience in standing to applause as the actors took the stage for the final bow

Only the lead, your star, wasn’t there with them

You blinked once, twice, three times before panic set in

There’s no way Yuga Aoyama would miss the chance to stand center stage in a spotlight. If he wasn’t on stage something must have happened

You tried your best not to look around too fervently, not wanting to startle anyone else

When a hand clasped yours

“And let’s not forget the playwright~✨”

Before you could question how he said that with his mouth, you were dragged onto the stage by your previously mentioned star, with his own mic in hand you don’t remember giving him

He held your arm up above his head as he runway walked his way along the stage, you closely in toe

You were going to go on stage eventually but you’d planned to be a lot more quiet about it, when more people had left early not wanting to sit though the applause

But instead, here you were, center stage, hand held high like you’d just won a boxing match by your own and only Aoyama

How he could stand being this bright all the time way beyond you

For now though, it was rather nice 

Ojiro

Lost and found

You stepped out of your class stretching, ready for a well deserved lunch break when you heard your classmates muttering

“Isn’t he from the hero course?”

“What’s he doing?”

Being nosy wasn’t usually your strong suit, but the mutterings has peaked your interest

You followed the eyes of those speaking to find a blond boy sitting in the floor of the hall, knees pulled to his chest to keep his legs from disrupting the flow of traffic, with his tail resting over his feet to protect them from being stepped on

He smiled and gave a light wave to your class as the dispersed

You alone approached him, curiosity peaking. Why was he sitting out here in the hall?

When question he very sheepishly answered, “I, uh.. I got lost on my way to class”

There was several things wrong with that

Number one being, he’d been at this school half a year now. He has one classroom, a big classroom, in the hero course. It’s not easy to miss??

Number two, it was noon. Lunchtime. He has one classroom. How long had he been lost???

These questions had answers and he was, while slightly embarrassed, happy to share he had, in fact, been lost all morning. Not just in finding his class, but also in finding the exit to the building, any teachers he knew, or his phone to call for help

You began to feel sorry for the guy, as this seemed to be a common occurrence in his daily life

With a sigh, you offered your hand to help him up

It was lunch, for all courses, so surely he’d see his hero course classmates in the cafeteria. No one turns up Lunchrush’s food after all

He smiled and took your hand, lifting himself from the floor with a thankyou

“I’m Ojiro, by the way. You are...?”

He was rather polite to talk to the entire walk, his grip on your hand was soft, gentle, and his smile never seemed to waver

Kaminari

Swing yer partner round and round

“Oh this is my JAM!”

Mina excitedly turned up your shitty little radio before kicking herself up off the floor, grabbing Sero all in one quick motion

The two danced horribly off beat, you quickly guess Mina had never heard this song before in her life, just wanted to get moving

“Come on you two, it’s dance break time!”

You found yourself enraptured with her energy, already forgetting the homework you all were doing

Kaminari took your hand much like how Mina took Sero’s and began to dance just as off beat and spuratic as queen pinkie had

You laughed, stumbling with every step, same as the others, the giggling energy filling a previously silent room

Denki’s fingers dug into your knuckles as he smirked, suddenly spinning on his heel and dragging you with him

The two of you became a tornado in your tiny dorm room, barely keeping from knocking into your tea table as you spun like a couple of children

You could hear Mina cheer and laugh, a brief glanced told you Sero was recording this silly moment

You looked across the way at your dance partner

Spinning, laughing his head off like this was the most fun he’d ever had, eyes closed, caring not for his surroundings

You decided to let go

The momentum sent you both toppling, you safely into Mina, who was more then ready to catch you

Denki got the much less desirable aforementioned tea table, which sent him toppling backwards over the also aforementioned homework

If you all could have laughed any louder, you would

Bakugo

Sweaty hands

You always knew when Bakugo was going to hold your hand

He may think he’s smooth, wiping his hand on the pocket of his pants before reaching behind himself to grab at you

But you’d always notice

It was a good indicator you were walking too slow for his liking, or the area up ahead was crowed, or that he simply felt you were too far away

You couldn’t initiate holding hands, when he didn’t actively want to be in contact he’d keep his hands shoved deep in his pockets

So you just had to wait for him to wipe himself off and reach for you

You were free to wrap yourself around his arm whenever, though

He’ll look pissed, but won’t say a word

And if you move away, he’ll wipe his hand on his pants, and offer it to you, a silent plea for you to come back

Honenuki

Magic hands

You stretched out over the couch of the 1-B common room with a whine, the rest of your class in a similar state

Training was hell today, sparing with class 1-A was never a joke, and with Monoma egging the whole game up to be more than it should have been, it all just escalated to a point you all wish it hadn’t

“Alright, next.”

Honenuki, a godsend, your blessed angel, helped Tsuburaba off the second common room couch, his typically wide eyes closed and relaxed as he wobbled his way across the room

You happily took his place, stretching out on your stomach before your classmate with the magic powers of massage

His hands pressed into your back and you instantly relaxed, letting out a low hum as you snuggled the pillow under your chin

Honenuki returned your hum, his hands pressing into all your tenses spots, almost instantly releasing them from their knots

You’d probably have fallen asleep, if it wasn’t over so fast

He had the entire class to get though after all, though he hated to rush an art form

You took his hand as he helped you stand, the actual minute of his touch enough to wobble your legs

Kissing his knuckle and thanking him for sharing his magic, you found yourself plopped peacefully on the couch beside Tsuburaba

Honenuki chuckled at you as he called next, happy to be of service

Monoma

He’s showing off

You’d known for a while now Monoma didn’t know how to shut the fuck up

He’d brag about anything, over anyone, to everyone

He’d always loudly bragged about how much better his class was, how much stronger his friendships were, how absolutely amazing his partner was

You being said partner didn’t make said bragging less annoying

The two of you had been together less than an hour and he was already boasting about your perfection to all who would hear

Some genuine, loving, almost gaggingly sweet comments

Others just to rub it in the face of class 1-A as much as possible

A week into this relationship and people were starting to think you must be come kind of god with how Monoma spoke about you

You’d been on two dates with the guy

Now here you were, holding his hand on the walk to class, and regretting every step

As every single person who passed must take note of the fact you were holding his hand

And also must be aware how blessed he is to be holding your hand in return

And really you started to understand the concerned look Kendo gave you when you told her you’d agreed to date Neito Monoma

Still his words were genuine, no matter how they came across, and he truly had a million and one things to say about you

So you could hold though the embarrassment his overexcited bragging may cause

He just wants to show you off

Mirio

Quietly

You sat by his bed side, holding gently to his limp hand

Moments ago he was inconsolable, crying and screaming his lungs out

His quirk gone

His teacher gone

Everything he worked so hard for seemed to vanish in an instant

His grip, still so strong, had left your hand bruised, circulation cut off

It wasn’t a concern you really had

Sleeping, his pain was still so obvious

Bags under his eyes, dried streaks of tears still down his keeps

And your hand still tightly gripped in his

What would happen next, where he would go, who you all would become

They were all problems for the future

Tomorrow you could work on a solution

Tonight, you could hold his hand

[creativeashproductions]

Songbird Shenanigans // Charlie Gillespie

IN WHICH: The reader will routinely sneak away from her band/hotel to continue her tour shenanigans in parking garages. A way for the young star to return to the stupid years where the concert venue was a car and the mic was the steering wheel. As each city comes and goes with the tour, one thing never changes, driving to parking garages to scream songs at the top of your lungs.

Warnings: Swearing, Mamma Mia songs (oops), and fluff

Words: 4.0k (with lyrics included)

A/N: There’s something endearing about Charlie randomly going a stranger in a duet and dance without a care. This was loosely inspired by the chaotic live they did when Jeremy and Charlie stayed at Owen’s place. I loved Charlie’s tropical shirt giving Animal Crossing vibes.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist

A moment you had desired for a while finally came around in Oklahoma City during the free day between the two concerts. The pure quiet away from the interviews, photoshoots and demanding life of a musician. Yet despite wanting this time, you definitely felt bored, which only meant one thing.

A new video for your followers as you had done since the beginning of your successful career. Back before, you had the prominent following you had; now you would travel singing in your car, and then one video got viral. That elevated your following until you had signed a record deal with your brand new agent.

A series was then born of driving at night to the parking lots and garages in the city you temporarily visited. You'd park and sing any suggested songs from a previous video for an hour to see if a fan could find you. It was a fun game you had developed.

Y/N Y/L/N: Another installment of Songbird Shenanigans. From 9pm to 10:30pm, I'll be somewhere in Oklahoma City. Come find me for the prize!

Your agent both hated and loved the series as it brought attention to your career and songs but also was a hazard during the tour. The risk of losing your voice made your agent nervous, but the positives outweigh the negatives.

"What song are you doing?" Maddie asked from her chair in your hotel suite with a ratty book in her hand. Her rich dark hair pulled up in a high bun with a few pieces of bangs pulled down to hang free.

You didn't know if you could do what you do if you didn't have Maddie by your side as your singing partner and chief stylist. Maddie also always knew without looking on social media when you had a new installment coming.

"My most requested video is Train Wreck by-"

"James Arthur." Maddie snickered with her grey eyes pinned to the page she was reading faithfully. The book had seen better days, but it was her absolute favourite one by far and one of the only physical books she had.

"Somehow forgot you had it on repeat for a week straight." You snorted, shoving a hat on your head for warmth. A plain black coat pulled over your arms that matched the warm boots you had chosen, "I'll send you my location."

Maddie waved on hand in response, having known the routine since you first started this fun series. It allowed you a bit of your old life when the concerts you performed was solely in your car with the steering wheel as the microphone.

Judy, your agent, was sitting in the lobby with her binder surrounding her when she looked with a sigh. Without a word, she tossed the keys to the rented car she knew you'd need, so in each city, she rented one. A smile of gratitude shared before you were out the door with your hood up.

"Be careful!" Judy exclaimed just as the sliding doors closed behind you, sending you out in the cold night.

Almost instantly, your cheeks turned a light pink in the cold winter air, even if the walk to the war was short. As requested, the car was a newer model but one that would blend in with other city cars. It made finding you harder, but the windows couldn't be tinted.

"Here's to hoping I get a place with good acoustics." You muttered, starting the hatchback vehicle. Despite the cold winter weather, the road conditions were surprisingly okay, but then again, you were from a small town. Roads were shit in general.

You didn't bother playing music as you used the drive to find a parking garage and warm up your throat. Your vocal coach would have your head if you didn't warm-up, and then Judy would kill you even more.

You lucked out in a parking garage to a building that seemed to be a renovated warehouse with insanely cool windows. The metal was a dark shamrock green with a multitude of small rectangular glass between the metal. The panes swung open upwards in a fascinating design.

"Perfect." You muttered, signalling to turn into the parking garage that was easily accessed and without any trespassing signs. It was desolate, with cars parked here and there in the stalls.

A bright orange Subaru definitely took the cake as the most 'flashy' vehicle among the more nondescript ones. Not that it caught your attention when you lowered your windows marginally while simultaneously clipping the phone onto the dash. Immediately you double-checked for any apparent signs to your location before declaring it safe; with a tap of your finger, your Instagram live began.

"Welcome to another part of our Songbird Shenanigans. This time I'm in Oklahoma City for a two-day concert. The most requested song is Train Wreck by James Arthur."

Laying in the silence

Waiting for the sirens

Signs, any signs I'm alive still

I don't wanna lose it

I'm not getting through this

Hey, should I pray? should I pray

A natural instinct of closing your eyes as you got more into the music occurred. Your voice belted into the garage beautifully. Tons of comments appeared in the insta live chat of both supportive and haters.

username3: I suggested this song!!!

username88: Your voice goes perfectly with the song.

The song came to an end quicker than you would have liked since it was definitely one of your favourites to sing.

Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet

Pull me out of the train wreck

Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out

Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out

No action was helped back from taking a swig of water from the reusable bottle you had brought along. Your eyes scoured the comments for more suggestions or things that stuck out.

"Why don't you include hints in the Songbirds?” You read out from the comment section with a smile barely held back, "Why would I? You all know that my windows are often down, and even the most unoriginal locations have tells. There's been a few people that have found me."

Username13: I think I know where you are (insert heart emoji)

          ↳Username63: username13 where?! How do you know?

          ↳Username13: jatp is streaming all day and the guys are in a car. Same background

Your eyes read the short but interesting conversation between the two different accounts on something called jatp? Whatever that was.

"Any other requests?" You asked, scrolling through the suggestions, "Sing something from jatp? I'm sorry, guys, but I have no clue what that is? Is it a movie? OH! It's a show. My bad."

The comment section was flooded, "Okay! Let me look up the lyrics and the melody!"

Three males: a blonde and two brunettes, walked between the rows of both occupied and unoccupied parking spots. The blonde wearing a black t-shirt with BEANS written across the chest and the brunette with short slicked-back hair crowded the middle guy. All three pairs of eyes watched the iPhone stream the television series.

"I call shotgun!" Owen spoke as the car in question came into view, "We gotta Livestream in the car again!"

"Your neighbour sucks, man." Charlie groaned, nudging Jeremy to unlock the car when the older man hesitated.

"If we're going live in the car, we should cover your license plate," Jeremy suggested to a resounding agreement. 

Charlie drove an obscenely vibrant coloured car that could be picked out quickly, so he didn't need any help in broadcasting his location. Owen grabbed the book from the passenger seat to angle it to lean against the plate.

"Done!" Owen called, racing back to climb into the car with his friends. The blonde-haired man bounced in his seat as the owner of the vehicle set up the screen.

In seconds, the streaming went from the app on the phone to the car's built-in screen to the boys' delight. In a moment of what some may call brilliance and others stupidity Owen went live on Instagram with Charlie joining him swiftly.

"Do you rem-"

Username76: Songbird chose a shitty location.

           ↳Username 39: Or we just got a Hail Mary hint

"Who is Songbird?" Charlie questioned, leaning closer to his friends in the front, catching a few comments.

The comments were mixed among other unrelated ones, but all had Songbird, Shenanigans or both words. The mystery was so intriguing the boys turned down the show to scour the comments for tidbits.

"Wait? Do you hear that?" Jeremy questioned, scanning the parking garage with his blue, green eyes. Soon his head was sticking out the window, "Someone is singing here."

Jeremy's hand turned the key of the car, "Is that-"

"Oh, no." Owen groaned, seeing that specific light appear in Charlie's eyes just as it did each time one of the songs came on. His pink beanie slid around his long blonde locks.

The two guys watched as the second oldest in their group did some kind of shimmy after pushing his phone to Jeremy. Jeremy's hand scrambled to get a grip on the phone as Charlie delved into his love for these songs. Sharing a look, Jeremy and Owen followed the Canadian to a car with a girl singing in the open hatchback car.

(Italics is you! Italics and bold is Charlie and you! Just bold is Charlie!)

When you were lonely, you needed a man.

Someone to lean on, well I understand

It's only natural

But why did it have to be me?

Your eyes remained shut as you neared the middle of the first verse. You completely stopped when a voice joined. Your e/c eyes met the twinkling brown of a handsome guy with the best voice you'd heard in a long time.

Nights can be empty, and nights can be cold

So you were looking for someone to hold

That's only natural

But why did it have to be me?

Your lips parted in a grin as you grabbed the hand being offered to be pulled out of the car; on your way, your hand nudged your phone. Your phone was in a mount attached to the roof of the hatch. When you followed the stranger, the phone turned in perfect view. Your free hand turned to hover over your forehead, legs bending to feign a swoon.

I was so lonesome, I was blue

I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I

Always thought you knew the reason why

Charlie beamed playing being shot by the arrow you pretended to shoot with a grin planted on your own lips. Charlie's hand flirted with your hip as you sashayed around his body from his left to his right. Hand grabbing a first full of his white with light teal with light pink design to tug him chest to chest.

I only wanted a little love affair

Now I can see you are beginning to care

But baby, believe me

It's better to forget me

In turn, Charlie grabbed your wrist to twirl you into his arms straight into an impressive dip with the toe of your shoe pointed to the far wall. Your fingers just barely caressing the rough paved lot.

"I'm Charlie," Charlie murmured during the instrumental between the chorus and the second verse. Your eyes scanned his features with an expression you would later be glad was hidden from the lighting in the garage.

"Y/N." You breathed, clutching his shoulders still low in the dip, hoping subconsciously that your breath was still fresh.

"Wanna finish this?" Charlie spoke, searching your eyes with his own; up close, you could see his eyes were a mixture of colours. You only nodded before he continued singing to the music.

Men are the toys in the game that you play

When you get tired, you throw them away

That's only natural

But why did it have to be me?

"Are you seeing this?" Jeremy whispered to Owen as they watched Charlie literally sweep a stranger off her feet. Owen could only nod as Charlie went into the next verse, still dancing as if he was in Mamma Mia 2.

Falling in love with a woman like you

Happens so quickly, there's nothing to do

It's only natural

But why did it have to be me?

Charlie spun you back away from his body in a graceful twirl your choreographer would be incredibly proud of. The moves you made somehow made sense, with the movements matching the spontaneous duet-er.

I was so lonesome, I was blue

I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I

Always thought you knew the reason why

Once more in his arms dancing, he dipped you once more as you finished the end of the last chorus breathing heavily. The two strangers staring intensely into each other's eyes with an intense look that had tensions in the parking garage.

I only wanted a little love affair

Now I can see you are beginning to care

But baby, believe me

It's better to forget me

"Intense." Owen chuckled as Charlie raised you back onto your feet with a matching grin to yours, "Oh! Look at the comments!"

Username24: Holy shit! They ooze chemistry!!

           ↳Username9: lol, okay Alex. 

"You aren't a viewer, are you?" You breathlessly laughed, taking a step away from Charlie as the music faded away.

The equally breathless spontaneous performing partner laughed as well, "I heard the song and hoped for the best."

"Are you Songbird?" Came a voice from a few feet away. Behind the once upon a time stranger stood two males approaching slowly.

"Oh!" You gasped, turning on your heel to see where your phone was pointing, "Well, that's convenient! One moment."

Jeremy and Owen flanked Charlie as you repositioned the phone at the moment with practised precision. You kept the three people out of the shot for privacy reasons.

"There is about ten minutes away from the end of this installment being over. For the first time since we started this series, I had a duet." You playfully laughed, looking over at the trio, "It's completely up to my sudden partner, but would you like to meet your audience?"

Charlie simply shrugged, "Sure. They've seen you be serenaded by a stranger."

A short laugh came from the three individuals around Charlie as he moved into the camera frame with a large smile. As soon as he was in sight, the comment section went nuts, furthering when Owen and Jeremy came into view.

Username1: DREAM COME TRUE

           ↳Username4: omg jatp in Songbird Shenanigans?? Life accomplished.

You couldn't hold back the snort at the comments you could read quickly as they disappeared after new ones. The three guys couldn't help but chuckle as well.

"I've never seen these guys before. If you could introduce yourselves." You asked the three guests, to which each sent a reassuring smile to your hesitance.

"I'm Charlie Gillespie, and these are my friends Owen Joyner and Jeremy Shada." Charlie took the liberty of introducing both his friends and himself. His heart fluttered at the adorable smile that had appeared on your pretty face.

"I'm afraid this concludes this edition of Songbird." You apologized to the camera as the time passed the allotted hour and a half. The comments turned sad before most of them started sending questions, "I'll let you know when I do another edition! Bye for now!"

Your finger clicked the end button firstly before clicking the save button for when you would upload it to your account later.

"Thank you for doing that. I'm Y/N." You chuckled, shaking hands with Jeremy and Owen, who each grinned back, "So what brought you guys to the parking garage with three phones and a live-action Animal Crossing shirt?"

Amusement was found on all four young adults in the parking garage, pinning a gaze at the material. You had to admit you kinda adored the shirt, or maybe the person wearing it was the reason.

"We're trying to get Julie and the Phantoms to number one again." Owen offered as he displayed the live still going on his phone. 

"That's a tv series. That was the second song I did on the live before Charlie joined the little concert." You told the boys all the while aware that thousands of people watched from the phone still streaming.

"The phone's about to die." Owen piped up, catching the single decimal number broadcasting the percentage. Without any prompting, he ended the live to save it solely for the little performance Charlie did.

"Did you save it?" Jeremy asked, lifting on his tiptoes to check the phone Owen had commanded for the last half hour. Like Owen, Jeremy wanted to save it solely for the stellar performance.

"So, how'd this series start?" Charlie questioned, pushing his hands into his pockets, ignoring the subtle glances of his best friend.

"I needed an escape from touring so many cities. It's reminiscent of the days before I was discovered. When my audience was the dials in my car and my family." You half-smiled, recalling all the times you had simply driven around to sing.

"You're a musician?"

"I am. I'm currently on tour for my second album. Every second or third city I'm performing in, I take the rented car to parking lots or garages to sing. I always have a prize for the fans that find me."

"Could I get your number?" Charlie hesitantly questioned. His features twisting with the manipulation of nerves.

His palms had gone clammy enough to inconspicuously wipe them on his legs; this version of Charlie was unfamiliar. Owen and Jeremy had only ever seen him as this bundle of joy and energy, not to say he didn't have his low days, instead of nervous. Owen slipped his fingers behind his back to cross them. He hoped his Canadian friend would get it.

"You don't leak mine, and I won't leak yours." Your e/c eyes twinkled with the brush of Charlie's warm fingers on your own. The new contact waiting for his information, "Maybe we can meet up with each other?"

"I'd love that."

Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York, Unspecified Date

The sounds of screams and heavy instruments blocked by the unique in-ears explicitly made for your ears alone. You'd heaved, catching a breath after such an energetic song you'd just performed for the sold-out venue. You just jogged to the side for a chug of water as your band switched instruments.

"Are you having fun tonight!" You asked the crowd who had fought tooth and nail for tickets. The crowd screamed back louder than before.

Selling out MSG for completely insane even after touring the country with your band three times. It was still a little jarring, going from a nobody with untapped potential to selling out concerts and very successful albums, in all honesty.

"That's what I like to hear!" You beamed, pushing a strand of your unruly hair away from your face. Your eyes momentarily cast to the side stage with the equipment hiding the crew, "I have a surprise for you. A couple years ago, I had a spontaneous duet partner during one of Songbird Shenanigans. I'd like to invite my fiance Charlie out here."

The crowd went nuts as Charlie wandered towards you from the side of the stage away from Owen, Jeremy and Madison. Charlie's hazel eyes scoured the oceans of your e/c eyes he got to wake up to each morning. Mostly when Julie and the Phantoms had been offered to open for you; to be frank, it was more of an unspoken co-headlining.

"Can we tell?" You asked, keeping the mic covered and away from your body. Your body bounced, waiting for the smile from him.

Charlie nodded, accepting the guitar from one of the crew members. It was a song you had written a few months back. Charlie had memorized the entire piece with the deep adoration he felt for it.

The couple perched on the bar stools brought to the middle of the stage with a secret smile. One that only they and their immediate family understood.

Three months ago, you had sat Charlie down in your home to play him a little song that changed everything.

Charlie placed the last bag of groceries on the counter when he felt arms wrap around his midsection. He immediately knew that it was you welcoming him home from a very short trip to the store. In a swift move, he had manoeuvred you to sit on the counter while he scooched himself between your legs.

"Hi." Charlie breathed, rising to press a kiss against the smooth skin of your cheek, leaving heat in its wake.

"I want your opinion on a song." You burst out, unable to refrain from showing him a song you had been secretly working on. The French Canadian was beyond intrigued by the sudden announcement from his fiance.

"Oh?"

"Come." You coaxed the man from the kitchen to the designated music room filled with instruments of all kinds—even a recent addition of a recording booth in the corner with high-end equipment.

You bypassed everything for the grand piano you didn't play as often as you wished to be able to. Your fingers brushed the ivory keys for a mere second before you began playing the melody.

I, I have known love before

I thought it would no more

Take on a new direction

Still, strange as it seems to be

It's truly new to me

That affection

The smile that grew across Charlie's expressive face was uncapturable from the best of the best; he adored your voice. He had a personal ringtone you had explicitly done for him a few months into the relationship.

I, I don't know what you do

You make me think that you

Will change my life forever

I, I'll always want you near

Give up on you, my dear

I will never

You thrill me, you delight me

You please me, you excite me

You're all that

I've been yearning for

I love you, I adore you

I lay my life before you

I only want you more and more

And finally it seems

My lonely days are through

I've been waiting for you

Charlie's frown, however, faltered as your face ever so slightly paled with trepidation coating your pretty irises. Your voice even quivered with nerves he'd never heard before, but it made sense from the third verse started.

I'll carry you all the way

And you will choose the day

When you're prepared to greet me

I'll be a good mum, I swear

You'll see how much I care

When you meet me

You finished the song with the last note drawn out ever so softly, freezing as the room went quiet once more. This song was definitely vulnerable and personal; you felt naked under Charlie's silent stare.

"You're really?" Charlie breathlessly chuckled, his wide eyes screaming disbelief.

After a few years together with an engagement ring on both of your fingers after you had both proposed to each other, with the relationship very serious, you two had decided to stop contraceptives and let everyone happen if it was too happen.

"Yeah." You laughed as he swept you off the bench into his arms, "We have little Birdie to prepare for."

"I love you so damn much." Charlie choked out, spinning the two of you around in his arms. The smile never fading as he drank in the special moment of learning you had created a life together.

PRESENT

"With the impending arrival of our child, I will be taking a break to prepare. Even though I wouldn't be performing, I will still do Songbird Shenanigans. I'll just have to up my game on staying as hidden as possible." You informed the audience as the song came to an end. 

Next thing you knew, you couldn't discern between the crowd and your friends now on stage screaming. You were able to feel Charlie's hand on your barely-there baby bump and his lips pressed against your temple.

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[404fmdhaon]

creative claims verifications — let’s not love each other

summary: written circa mid-2019 — friends to lovers, it gets complicated and chung gyujeong is a teenage drama queen writing an ode about his feelings. mentions of @fmdjade warnings: none, rough translations...yeah wc: 1918, not including lyrics/dates

(sometime in april 2019)

restlessness catches him off guard.

it’s in the dead of night when the dorms become hollowed out with the memories of seven years inside knight. a deserted storm takes in the aftermath of members gone (he’s lost track of who’s still inside living and who’s reaped the benefit of leaving early). drunken steps staggered in the corridor, he barely manages to slip past the boxes packaged up, sealed away and stamped with heavy nostalgia along the walls.

past the first door and to the next, he stumbles inside the buildings built from cardboard boxes lined up. there’s a straightaway for the keys. 

maybe he’s had too much to drink and the one-punch wayward feeling settling inside the pit of his stomach all fixes itself on too many soju bombs poured in high spirits. or maybe, he’s just a schmuck on the verge of an impending crisis. (high alert, he knows it’s the latter) — his mind makes a dart straight towards jiae.

acceptance comes in waves when he sees her cat-shaped eyes engrave themselves inside his head past the visions of a hazy blue screen — his screen holds the remnants of a beat left unsalvageable, and he scraps it when he knows what he’s trying to say.

she stares at him blankly like a phantom ghost lingering in the room. the sound laughter brimming from her lips (the edges of her lips quirked, just like he always remembers her) as the soju muffles it whole. the way her head tips in tandem with the glass balancing in her hand and all to the drops of alcohol spilling in when he observes her still. 

fuck.

he snaps. 

snaps back to reality where her image fades, but present still lingers. haunts him reaching in and pulling him out with subdued warmth that follows when he closes his eyes and shakes his head, mirroring her own smirk. and when he peeks up, acceptance in stage one: 

“let’s not love each other it’s hard when we break up let’s just be like this friends but not friends”

he hums the words hugged in the hysteria of acceptance. his voice, incredulous. his laughter, a complete sham. 

and it becomes a piteous ode to her when his voice cuffs the words in a drawl, stretched thin barely flitting past two tones and yanked down to a mere monotone. let’s just be like this — he repeats, eyes closed and voice hushed. 

for the sake of his sanity, his eyes peek open to a blank screen. logic open, new scratch from start. hands scrambling through a half-empty box, he fishes out the mic, plugs it in. hits record.

a full on acapella — he’s never done this. not when he’s fixated to a crooning denomination of himself, fidgeting with the words (say it till you believe it. except, he knows he’s known it all along).  his voice doesn’t remain coherent when he drowns inside the effects of alcohol doused in woes, no. he doesn’t coax himself into believing, just continues singing.

autopilot takes over, and he loses control of reservations serving as barriers. a peek into honesty, he lets himself relive a play-by-play of moments in highlight. the first, shoulders barely grazing in the dead of christmas 2018. banter laced shoves disguised as taps on skin, singing the cries of those martyred by holidays — holidays never painted lonely nor cold, only each one collected by her. his t-shirt contradicting the barren winds of winter, but it’s the pink hues flushed against his skin, and the counter of her hand flitting his. she takes seoul in her palm, lets it marvel with her head held high and the turn of her shoulder — he watches her from behind. 

“even if we’re sorry to each other when we break up, we’ll be strangers let’s just be like this. friends but not friends.”

he mutters each word, each one being a pang to his beating heart bruised blue. it’s no longer god-sent the way he shrivels his hesitation in averted conversations and empty gaze. instead, silence becomes the rumination of what-ifs, and pessimism lined outcomes of endings — an ending bound to end, he’s ignorant to what side to place.

a few mouse clicks, and he stops. doesn’t want to think or hover over territorial lines. there’s no more savoring of dignity nor the pride that’s dissipated to mindless nothings. what remains is one: chung gyujeong with palms stamped to his head, reeling back inside words carved out from his mind.

—

(sometime in july 2019)

“what’s jiae up to?”

“i don’t know why the fuck are you asking me.”

“you’ve always been a shitty liar, gyujeong.” 

“hey siwoo? fuck off.”

fingers on the end of a dead line, he tosses the phone in lieu for the keyboard set in front. 

first comes the technical run of scales that become embedded like pieces of muscle memory when he loses track of a one-sided mind. and his fingers make room for the chords that become an ode to slow-moving jazz in a dark room. softness conflicts the hard shove of his words when he’s stripped to nothing but what lies when he’s left alone.

chung gyujeong versus gyujeong enticed and intoxicated in fleeting playbacks of jiae.

he slams the keys, a mangled cacophony of jarred emotions. dismembered — he abandons the call to ignore, slides away the keys for an old file he’s hidden deep inside folders and folders of his hard drive. yet, when he clicks, he’s reminded again in the drags of his voice crooning some lyric off-key, yet coherent to his ears.

he remembers.

catharsis is best served in a track, it’s what he’s always known. acceptance is long and gone, and he allows himself to tune into each and every yank of the words he doesn’t voice.

so, he records.

the chords come in iterations, one then two. the grand piano he doesn’t have sitting inside the living room of family he’s abandoned long ago. now, he’s in the place of some musty jazz club inside the heart of soul, the taste of anonymity on the tip of his tongue with a hat pulled low and a mask covering him whole. glimpses of the guitarist on stage, and some pull of the keys entice him for mere seconds before he finds why he’s there in the first place: her. 

her eyes narrowed, chin askew. the grin pulling the edges of her lips higher as she melts into the sounds of low-spoken jazz — he finds himself as the reflection of her.

fuck. 

one deep breath and the recoil of another flashback — he loses. tongue in cheek, he keeps the chords on file. 

there’s a storm thrumming in the beats of his heart, steadied by the taps of his feet. a bite of his nail that festers uncertainty of what the night brings because sleep’s never been kind to him. not when his head barely stays afloat the tempest waters and the crash of realizations that keep him in the undertow.

catharsis. it’s what he craves, and what he sprawls out when he finds the notebook inside the half-empty box pushed to the side.

he keeps the keys on loop, filling the empty void of silence.

it becomes less suffocating when the pen scrawls itself against the pages — pressure digging deep enough to tear. 

“when you’re sick, i worry a little  enough to bring the medicine i have lying at home 'i just have it lying around so use it if you need it’’

it comes in stages when the resolution in muffled voices across seas come clear cut — one husky voice, and he’s jolted awake in heavy sighs, counting down the hours with a vinyl bag wrapped around his wrist. ‘it’s nothing’, he shies away from, steps out of comfort and loses himself when he tip-toes into her dorms, shedding the excuse of icy glares and dead-beat stares.

concession in pride comes when envy fills his bare bones. the gritty voice he punctures through her widened eyes, voice dull. her voice still soft like summer-lines, echos blaring enough to mute away everything else — he turns away.

“when you’re with other guys, i get mad but i want to pass it like it’s nothing even if it sucks, a bad heart hurts a little.”

turns away from the aftermath of something ugly with the tinge of contempt harboring resentment inside each person who unravels her. it’s easy on the surface, but he’s no liar — he’s cracking underneath.

he cracks, fissures out into an implosion of self-doubt. inside the questions of what becomes when they’re stationed in complacency of her head on his lap. his fingers in her hair, and the image of smiling inside no words spoken inside a dusty club. 

friends.

friendship doesn’t come in stares across tables. recklessness doesn’t come in a countdown to holidays scattered across busy schedules. warmth doesn’t, shouldn’t root itself in her.

not when early mornings of sunrises catches itself in the yawns of stepping outside inside a club. old faces trespassing into new, and the chest-heavy, soul-deep laughter mixes itself outside of a hongdae club he calls home. dislodged and out of place, he remembers one instance.

the narrowed in stares that come from faces he calls ‘friends’, fingers pin pointed with his own arm balancing on her shoulder, and the trail of smoke that reaches the early morning skies. his eyes rove over hers, a chuckle guised as an escape coming in something left unsaid. it’s breathy, airy. weightlessness puncturing the mask he wears.

“not friends, but deeper than friends you and i should be more like wine a bit darker. if you leave, i’ll have nothing we’re pretending to be comfortable, mixing friends when people ask when we’re gonna date i just laugh, look over to see your reaction i laugh because i’m embarrassed for nothing no, i laugh because it’s funny”

—

(a few weeks later, august 2019)

he knows he’s bound to come back.

and he does inside an empty room, all packaged up with nothing more than the same blue screen, dusty mic and the keys laid out. his fingers rest on his chin, pressing harder when his eyes cast over the words smudged in black ink and the echoes of the piano. 

catharsis doesn’t feel any better than when it started.

but he finishes it not knowing where it’s headed — had he ever known?

he’s never been the valiant force, nor one to wield together the pieces of bravado he wears. because when it comes to jiae, he’s only stripped down to the bare vulnerability that comes in soft curves of a meager grin and vacancy of laughter that tugs him wayward.

his voice taps against the baselines of the bass, and the steadiness of the kick drum of the beat. no punch of a hitting-heavy tone, nor the rapid-fire of words — he doesn’t take any of it with stride. instead, he keeps his voice talking, the rise and fall of his breath taking in the first words with nothing more than the exhaustion tethered to full-on rumination.

yet, he shakes his head and pauses the record. (too heavy and spoken, it’s a cesspool of things he’s never been.)

take two.

he’s never given more than he has, told himself he never would. yet, the words he harvests become nothing more than the gentle lullaby of his voice coddling each syllable of the second verse — the song was never meant for him, no. it’s notes and words were always poised on the line of her.

he tries again. this time, the drunken mumbles in the rough hash of april reformed into the sobering melodies of august. it’s the crumble in the misery of acceptance when he lays all walls down, lets himself revel in each and every word he wrote for her. 

because between each stolen glance, brews the culpability of his image juxtaposed onto hers. each year, a pass that brings a near decade of himself next to her digs deeper until he realizes — it’s too late to crawl out now.

“i don’t want to love you. i don’t want to kiss you.” 

he stops the recording. palm in cheek, he stares blankly at the screen. minutes, an hour. it goes in loop, the echoes of acceptance now unavoidable — he can’t face it dead-on without the underlines of a detonation.

(save. he doesn’t scrap it).

[perpetua47]

An artist asked if they could have all of the photos for gesture references, and y’all seem to really like some of my blurry photos, so here’s a lot more blurry ones! Enjoy! Also, i finally wrote up my impressions of the show and the meet and greet, if anyone is interested. Very light on spoilers! 

- Brian really upped the danger level in this Unraveled, it was good dramatic development and got great emotional engagement from the crowd. He’s really refining his craft. If you’re a musical theater fan, I think you gonna like this. :)   - Everyone in the audience was entirely well behaved, as far as I know. The energy was great (I was in the front row, so maybe people were doing excessive amounts of dabbing or wiggle arms or something, but no one ever shouted anything weird.)

- Brian was under the table before the show. I was genuinely looking around and wondering where he would come in from. When Allegra and Pat are talking? Brian’s under the table next to them. Those first pictures where he’s standing behind the table with his arms raised triumphantly? He had just jumped up from under a table. He claimed he was down there for 20 minutes and got pretty hot. 

- He had no notes (except the occasional slide). He memorized everything he did. He worked SO HARD and it’s SO GOOD and he didn’t give up on his dreams of being a baker! *sob* “It's the best bread I've ever had”

- There’s one bit where I genuinely couldn’t tell if Pat was trolling Brian or if it was all preplanned. Afterwards I realized it must have been planned, but at the time it felt super real to me. Brian went up to Pat’s table, acted offended, and had a really adorable huffy hop off the stage. I have video of that hop, if it doesn’t wind up in the final cut. 

- I suspect “Kevin Punt” is a fake name. :) - While the microphone was a fun prop at times, I wished he had a mic that didn’t cover his face so much. I hope the sound came out well, it was very echo-y. Fine to hear at the time, but. (I’m sure it’s fine, they are professionals, Simone had giant headphones on, I just worry.) - The jacket removal was fantastic for the crowd energy. So good. Really good management of crowd energy all around. (THE DREAM BALLET!!!) - The enforcers were stressed about the size of the room before anyone showed up. 2 hours before the show I was talking to one (Matt! You’ll meet them in the video), and they said it was added to the schedule late, everyone knew this room was too small for the crowd he’d get, etc. While we were talking about this, my spouse said “and Brian’s right over there” and I panicked and hid behind a friend - I had thought, foolishly, perhaps I was too old for that kind of reaction. Apparently not! I’ve met famous people I really respect before - I was way more chill talking 1:1 with Neil Gaiman, whose work was hugely influential to teenage me. (All the other students in my department were too intimidated to talk to him until I did.)  I’m old enough to have babysat Brian. Pokemon didn’t even come out till I was in high school. And yet, when I got to meet him afterwards, I think I was shaking a little. - They opened the queue room doors at 90m beforehand, but some people had been milling about since 2 hours before the show. (Including me, but I’d just come from a panel in that room and I wasn’t going to leave.) We were instructed to move slowly and form a line. I can easily imagine it having been a bit messy if we didn’t have several enforcers keeping us in line. I had counted the front row seats during a previous panel, and I knew I was in the first 10 people and would be fine, but I kept recounting anyway. (I really wanted to get photos!) People did get into the line who weren’t there when the doors opened, but it was full 1h10m in advance. People were mostly able to sit down, there were performers, cookies were sold for charity, the comparison to fyre festival was totally unwarranted. :) I was trying not to dwell on not having asked to get a photo with Brian when we’d been in the room so I watched Unraveled videos and tried to be chill.  - The whole show ran something like 40 minutes (I honestly hope they leave it all in the final video, it’s all golden). The song is about 9 minutes. At the end he said he couldn’t think of anything that would kill the mood as quick as a Q&A, and announced the meet and greet. (He had an hour, and we each got max 30 seconds, hugs were freely available.) I engaged in GREAT RESTRAINT in not bolting for the door immediately - but my careful maneuvering to be in the front row of the show meant I was in the first ~15 people to talk to him. I had been planning for weeks what I would say to him if I got somehow got a few seconds with him, not really thinking it would actually happen. I did not expect *thirty whole seconds*. I kept thinking of his polygon cover letter video, and talking about how polygon videos helped an anxious guy like him, and decided that yes, I should say the thing about how his music helped me get through [recent shitty personal thing], and how much I specifically love his cover of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”. If this really was his first real fan meet up, as was suggested on Tumblr, then I might have been one of the first people to get super emotional in person about how much I love his music and how much he means? I think he looks genuinely happy in the pictures with me, I hope he was.

- My spouse was taking photos the whole time. He asked my name, we hugged, I said the thing, we laughed, we took real photos, and then I turned to leave, and turned back and I darted in for a quick final hug. Then I left and sort of collapsed in happiness in the hall. Y’all, Brian gives really good hugs. I hope he had an awesome time meeting and hugging fans, and that he does lots more of these, and that *everyone* gets a chance to hug him. World Hug Tour. I’m a very emotionally open and PDAish person, and I hug a lot. I get complimented on the quality of my hugs, I know from hugs, and these were damn good hugs. I know he’s a stranger, and we had 30 seconds together, but I said an emotionally vulnerable thing, and I felt heard and like he appreciated me, and I felt safe and secure in that hug. I wish those thirty seconds less blurry in my memory, but I HAVE PHOTOS. (I also kept the SD card on my person that night, in case my camera got stolen out of my car or something. After taking pictures of my camera view screen with my phone. I’ve lost photos before - NEVER AGAIN.)

- Also I made a sappy tweet about how great he was AND HE LIKED THE TWEET.

- Of the dozen or so meetings I saw, most people said something brief and got a hug and a picture together, or asked him to record a video message (or talk to a person waiting on the phone.) While I was there, Simone was standing near him out with the crowds, and Pat was wandering back and forth on the other side of the room, occasionally crossing the barrier to be in videos.

- It’s been three days and I’m still just SO HAPPY. I almost didn’t get to go to PAX, there was a ton of complicated stress about it all, and I am, as stated above, SO HAPPY that I went. I’ve never had popular posts on tumblr before, and I know hundreds of likes and reblogs (and using the photos for memes! And Catholic sculpture comparisons!!!) means hundreds of smiles, and that’s just amazing, y’all.  I’m so glad Brian brings us all so much happiness, and that we bring it to each other. I’ve been in and out of fandom for two decades, and everything is just so nice here! I should probably delurk on that polygang discord. :)

[unwarrantedopinions-blog1]

AJR/Fletcher/3OH!3 @ ISU’s Braden Auditorium

A different take to the blog this post. I went to a show alone up in the Blono area. For those of you who are reading this and aren’t local, it’s Bloomington-Normal which is the home of the Illinois State University Redbirds. Pretty campus, nice majors, etc. Definitely worth checking into if you’re in the market for college. I have a lot of friends who go here / have went here. The parties are dope, the bar scene is hype, and it’s a great little place overall to spend 2-4 years if you have that kind of time and money.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This was my first concert at Braden Auditorium and I am going to give it about a 7.5/10 rating for the venue, 8/10 for the vibe, and artists individually will get reviews/ratings later on in the blog. The venue was actually really well ventilated and it stayed cool inside despite the fact that it was packed as fuck and everyone was flailing around like an octopus at a rave. Parking was big and spacious, I conveniently parked closest to the doors not even knowing where I was going. Shout out to Brady for getting me where I needed to go via Snap since I was clueless. It was more or less just following the masses. (Doesn’t that lead to mass murder or cults?) The merchandise was right inside the doors and everything was front and center. AJR was the only artist that had merchandise out so I bought their short sleeved tie dye shirt (I’m a slut for tie dye) and their dusty rose hoodie with “100 BAD DAYS 100 GOOD STORIES” on the back because obviously. That’s my favorite song off Neotheater. I think it was reasonably priced. $35 T-shirt and $65 hoodie. Lucky for me, I brought exactly $100. Amazing on me.

I’m really not a fan of “assigned seating venues” so that was a bummer at first but the chair was super convenient when I wasn’t feeling it for the middle set. The facility is super nice, the security/assistants were super nice, the vibe was super nice. Overall super nice. The box office workers were SO kind helping me get my ticket (obviously I needed a physical ticket for the collection) and pointing me in the right direction to my seat. The people I sat around were kind as well. I had a group of girlfriends to my right, a couple to my left at first, and friend groups ahead and behind. As the Fletcher set went on and I was sitting, I had a weird guy come up and sit in the empty seat to my left. He got creepy after a few minutes and, GOD BLESS, the two girls that were together behind me saved the day and pulled me up to the next row back with them. After a while he tried talking to the group of girlfriends that were to my right originally and after talking with them I found out they were 17!!! So I told them I’d walk them out to their car after the show and they were so appreciative. Girls helping girls is what this future needs to become. Aside from that little stutter, the seating was not the best but wasn’t the worst. Neutral rating there, but for future reference I am gonna try to avoid assigned seating venues. Dat shit lame.

The thing I like the most about this experience for myself was that I was able to let myself feel. I have an issue with bottling up my emotions and I don’t ever process them, I just shove them to the back of my mind and wait until the shelf is too full and one falls off and I deal with it when the glass breaks. So being able to sit here, reflect on my emotions, feel things for what they are at their own face value, it was really nice. I heard all of my feelings loud and clear, I cried tears of happiness, sadness, confusion, excitement. There was so much going on in my brain that I couldn’t hold any of it in. Music is one of the only things that allows me to feel freely and deeply, so this experience helped me sort through what I’ve been holding onto. Some days I wonder why I hold on. I think this is a good habit to get into: going to a concert alone once a month, maybe twice. Not just for me, but for anyone who has a deep connection with music, artists, albums, etc. Overall, a pleasant experience for what I dubbed “Solo Sunday”.

ARTIST REVIEW:

3OH!3 - The first artist up on stage was 3OH!3 and I am honestly so emo over that itself. I’ve been into them since I was in middle school so that was a dope experience. I didn’t think I would see them in concert in my entire life let alone be a few feet from them so that was super surreal and I felt so starstrukk (puns, lol). Honestly, they’re so hype and their humor is very plain, but it’s still funny. I loved their set, recorded half of it on my phone, and will probably blare them on the hour long drive home. It was seriously such a great moment for me, my 13-year-old self was LIVING HER BEST LIFE and I can’t say 22-year-old me could’ve complained either. (10/10)

Fletcher - Fletcher was the second artist out of the trio. Let me start by saying her voice is AMAZING and she is TALENTED. But it’s too loud and strong for the mic and that needs to be adjusted so it doesn’t sound so blaring and shitty. I wasn’t really feeling her set so obviously I sat and started this blog. You could barely understand half the words she was singing when she got quiet, you could only hear her when she was loud. Aside from the sound, her lyrics were spot on for any girl going through literally anything. “Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you, at 5 in the morning I would unfuck you”. Bruh. My CHEST. Who said she could come for my life like that? This is wack as FUCK, I got called out hard on the whole set. There’s just something about the emotion in her voice that make the lyrics hurt 10x more and I think that is what makes a good artist. I think she talks too much midset and between songs, but maybe she will learn as she tours more that not every song needs an explanation for why she wrote it or when she wrote it or where. Overall I think her lyrics were good, the sound was okay, but the set was mediocre at best. Maybe an artist better on recording compared to live, will definitely give her a listen and fair chance. (7.5/10)

AJR - First off, let me just say that AJR was/is/always will be a (not so) subtle obsession. Neotheater (album review post coming soon) got me in my feelies so fucking hard that I couldn’t breathe. It was a cheap rib shot and it made me want to reevaluate everything I’ve ever said or done in my entire life. Seeing them live, being in the same building as them, it had my feelings on a whole different level. This album has been my rock for the last few weeks on repeat and helping me through this rough patch of my life. Being at the NEOTHEATER WORLD TOUR was unreal. They bring so much hype and playful banter to the stage, seeing them interact with one another (they’re brothers slash the “they were roommates” vine) was so wholesome. The gig was INCREDIBLE. I recorded most of the set to have for the bad days and the sad days. They are fun, upbeat, and quirky in the best way. I cried for the first 4-5 songs because it was so surreal to me and I was just in awe of the fact that the music that I listen to so I can make it through the day sounds 10x better in person. The vibrations in your chest and the pounding headache you find yourself not minding, the amazing crowd that feels the same or similar to the way you do, and the hype that everyone in the place felt. It was all amazing and I will never miss another AJR show again. I really just sat there and soaked in my tears the whole set. It was satisfying in a weird way to connect with something so simple so deeply. (10/10)

THE DRIVE HOME:

The drive home was hype while I sat in the lot trying to leave all the way up until I got out of Blono. It began as a light jam session of “I’m Not Famous” and “Burn The House Down” in the lot, transitioned to 3OH!3 on shuffle (skipping for all the high tempo bops), and then winded down with a play through of Neotheater in its entirety. From the moment I hit the highway from the last exit taking me home, I started the album from the beginning. I let the words sink it, the emotions connect, and I was a bawling mess. I sang, I cried, I bobbed my head along time the heartbreaking truths the lyrics were throwing at me. I revisited painful things from my life, I planned out new future plans. I took my present life into consideration and started working on a plan to get it back together. By the time I got home, my face was covered in teary mascara streaks and my eyes were bloodshot and burning. My cheeks were red and I felt so exhausted. Letting my emotions get out in their own way made me feel like a new person. The months upon months of bottled up feelings are gone and it’s time to start over with new ones.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed myself. That’s a phrase that will rarely come out of my mouth. But hey, it’s true. The experience was one of a kind, it was extraordinary, it was everything I wanted it to be. $50 to see a life altering show (dramatic, yes, but not entirely wrong either) was a steal. I would recommend an AJR headliner any day regardless of the openers. 3OH!3 as a headliner would slide if they had good openers. Fletcher as a headliner would be cool if you like that kind of thing. Don’t go to concerts alone unless you are adequately prepared to be alone. Help those around you, enjoy the moment, live for the now. Let those around you enjoy things in their own way. Be kind, be compassionate, be supportive. Enjoy the time you have because your days are numbered, regardless of the total amount. And when you think you shouldn’t do something because you don’t wanna go alone, do it anyway. It will be good for you and it will bring a new meaning to self care. I feel weightless and so wholesome. I am ready to tackle another week, month, and year.

[marlymist]

Black Cherry

So, this is a little ramble that I’ve had typed up for a while now.  Thought I’d post it to get some feedback and then try and continue it, maybe...

Halo

“Halo, you having another?!”

“We’re on in like five minutes, Jax,”  I called to my drummer, of whom was at the bar about to down another tequila with the girl he’d charmed for the evening.  The crowd had formed in The Red Lion, the pub we were playing in that night.  Unusually, there was quite a large audience, I wasn’t sure if they’d come for us or if they’d all disperse as soon as Jax counted us in.  My nerves were building.  “alright fine, rack ‘em up.”  Jax clapped his hands and the bartender served up four more shots.  I’d already had a few when we’d been setting up, but I could never say no to free alcohol.

“Blackberries, you’re up!”  The landlord barked from where he stood, arms folded behind the bar.

“It’s Black Cherry, arsehole!”  Terry, our bassist yelled back, all of us moving to the makeshift stage in the corner of the room.  I smacked his chest with the back of my hand, it had been hard enough trying to get this gig at all, we didn’t need him making us enemies.

I stepped to the microphone, grabbing my guitar on the way and slinging the strap over my shoulder.  I strummed a few chords, checking the frequency and tuning.  Grabbing the mic with my pick still in hand, it was when I looked up I saw him.

He stood tall at the back of the room.  A hand in his pocket and a hand holding a pint of beer, he leaned against the bar.  It was dark but I could make out he was wearing a white t-shirt, a pair of black jeans and a baker boy hat.  I’d seen his band doing the rounds that we were doing, but unlike us, they had taken off about a year ago.  They were getting slight airplay and were touring supporting bigger bands.  I craved what they had so much, they’re success drove me to rehearse more and to push for more and more gigs, even if they were in shitty pubs like The Red Lion.  If they could do it, we could do it.  But there was one difference and that was that they had him.  I wasn’t one to compare myself to others, I knew it got you nowhere, but as a frontman, you only had to watch him for a few minutes to know he was born for it.  A total rockstar in the making.  I’d found myself at a number of their gigs and I was completely in awe of him.  He owned the stage, had the swagger and charm of Mick Jagger but the artistry and mystery of David Bowie.  Sometimes you can just sense that someone is destined to make it and as soon as I saw him I knew.  I took a deep breath to steady myself, the alcohol spiking in my veins and making me all warm and a little dizzy.

“We’re Black Cherry.  It’s good to be here, hope you’re ready to rock.  Let's go.”  I spoke huskily into the mic, looking at the crowd through my eyelashes.  Jax counted us in with his sticks and we roared into our first song.  The audience, as usual, depleted slightly as we went into our third song, I was a sweaty mess by the fifth song and when it came to the last song, we were performing to the backs of peoples heads as they conversed.  But he kept watching.  He’d come forward from where he was stood prior, deciding to drag his mates over to the table closest to us.  While they talked, his eyes stayed on us, when we finished he sat and clapped super loud.  Mainly because he was the only one committing to the action.  Or due to his colossal sized hands.

Jax added his signature last fill, and I mumbled a thank you before exiting the stage.  I tried not to look at him sat there but before I could even make it to the bar he’d appeared in front of me, blocking my path.

“Um, hi?”  I tucked my hair behind my ear and blew my fringe out of my eyes to look up at him.  He smirked down at me, but there was a sense of unnerving about the way he was looking at me.

“Can I buy you a drink?  That was a great set, you deserve it.”  I blinked, he was chatting me up.  I breathed, about to answer when I felt a hand grip my elbow a little too hard.

“Hey, doll.  Sorry, I’m late, when do you start?”  I ripped my arm out of his harsh grip and tousled my fringe back into my eyes.  

“We just finished, Pete.”  I looked at my feet as I fidgeted.  I smiled apologetically as my boyfriend Peter finally acknowledged that someone else was there.

“Ah damn,”  Peter said emotionless, and unapologetically.  “and you are?”  Keeping his attention to the man in front of us.

“Harry.  Nice to meet ya mate.”  Harry held his hand out towards Peter and smiled charmingly.  Peter smiled back and shook it, exchanging pleasantries, but I knew he was sizing the man up.  I cringed inwardly at the awkwardness that was bouncing between the three of us but couldn’t think of anything to say.

“How about you go and pack up, babe.  We can get going when you’re ready.”  Peter finally spoke up.  I looked at Harry through my fringe and nodded.  He shrugged and smiled politely.  The last thing I wanted was for him to walk away.  There was so much I wanted to ask him and he’d approached me, I couldn’t deny the fact that that excited me.

“Just out of interest,”  Harry spoke up before I turned away, he glanced at Peter almost nervously.  “I didn’t get your name?”

“Her names Halo.  She’s twenty-two years of age.  We’ve been together two and a half years, anything else you’d like to know?  Just out of interest?”  Peter jumped in before I could speak and I glared at him.  He could be a real jealous idiot.  I turned away embarrassed.  I vowed to myself, as I crossed the pub floor to help the boys pack up the van, that I wouldn’t let him treat me like that again.  The only problem was that it was what felt like the hundredth time I’d made that vow.

Harry

I smiled as I continued to scroll through the girls Instagram.  Halo; what a name.  She was a ready-made rockstar.  At least in my eyes.  And my eyes couldn’t leave her figure as she jammed out with her band the night I’d met her.  When I met her formally though, she was half the person I’d seen on stage.  I couldn’t help but think that that had something to do with her interesting choice of a boyfriend.  But as I clicked on another photo of them she’d posted a few months back, you wouldn’t be able to tell they had any issues.  They posed for the camera, him kissing her cheek, in front of a gorgeous sunset backdrop, peppered with blue rooftops and greenery.  I confirmed my wondering thought of the location and saw she’d tagged, Mykonos, Greece.  I’d never been there myself, but I could see myself there, with her.  She looked adorable, her cheeks smushed by his lips, hers pouting out and her gaze cast downwards.  I locked my phone and threw it on the bed beside me.  I was getting far too obsessed far too quickly.  I didn’t even really know her.

“Harry!  Come on, studio time started 10 minutes ago-bloody christ.”  I heard Christine, our manager, throw herself into my apartment.  Tripping on something like she always did.  I sighed and rose from my bed, tousling my hair and throwing on my shoes.

“Well, I was waiting for you to pick me up.  That’s kinda the deal we’ve had for five months now.”  I stood up to walk down the hallway to my kitchen.  Christine charged towards me, her heels clicking on my wooden flooring.  She thrust a Starbucks iced latte at me and opened my front door for us to leave.

“If you hadn’t lost your license being a dickhead drunk driver you wouldn’t have to wait on me now would you?”  She asked rhetorically as I closed the door, taking a swig of my coffee and rolling my eyes.  She never let me forget that little story.  Pretty much the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.  But I was in a very different place in my mind around the time I’d made that particular decision.  I crammed my legs into Christine’s pristine baby blue Fiat 500 and she sped away from the curb before I could even shut my door.  As we drove, she listed all the things that we were responsible for getting done in the session she’d booked.  “We need to get it all done quickly as this studio costs the label £150 an hour.  So get your head in the game, hun.”

Christine was heavily northern, probably in her late thirties, I could never remember.  She was classy and intelligent but had the worst memory and timekeeping skills I’d experienced in anyone.  Even my mum, and that’s saying something.  When she’d first signed on to manage us, she’d taken a liking to our rhythm guitarist, Jonesy.  But we’d began sleeping together as soon as she’d heard my voice in person.  I don’t have much of an ego anymore, but back then I certainly did.  Shagging an older woman as a teenager was a lad's wet dream.  And I’d lived it.  Of course, it all went to shit but we’d always have chemistry.  The recording studio was located in a shed in Essex, so luckily my new apartment was in greater London or we’d be in the shit with how late we were.  Halo didn’t enter my mind until I saw a girl about her height, walking down the high street.  Her light blonde hair flowing behind her.  My intrigue sparked, I took my phone from my jeans pocket.  Bringing Instagram up again to look at her unique features, and to bring up the chat page.  I wondered if I could really ‘slide into her DMs’ when she had a crazily overprotective boyfriend probably watching her every move and probably signed into every social media account she owned.  I typed in a greeting, then deleted it, trying a more casual one, then deleting it again.  Christine slammed on her breaks and I was thrown back into reality, realising that we’d stopped.  She jumped out and I sighed, clicking out of Instagram and locking my phone.

Halo

I twirled my fork through my spaghetti, my head resting on my fist.  Peter looked up at me through his eyelashes as he slurped up his own dish through his plump lips.  I placed the forkful into my mouth and raised my eyebrows in question to what he was thinking.  He furrowed his eyebrows, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What’s up with you tonight?”  He spoke, still chewing.

“What do you mean?  I’m just eating my Bolognese…”  I shrugged.  In truth, I hadn’t been myself for a while, but why it had taken him this long to notice was exactly why I was doubting our relationship.

“Are you tired?  You slept in late today so you shouldn’t be.”  I breathed in through my nose.  Peter was a lovely guy.  I wouldn’t have given him a look in if he wasn’t.  But little comments like that were very commonly made.

“No.  I’m not tired.”

“Okay, so what then?  You’ve had a face like a slapped arse all bloody evening.”  I let my fork drop to my plate, becoming irritated.  I decided I’d try to be honest thinking maybe he would understand.

“I’m just… uninspired.”  Peter choked on his pasta.  Coughing over a laugh.

“Uninspired,” he spluttered, hand over his chest.  “Of course.  I should have known.”  He was still clearly amused.  “Maybe you should try working all day, maybe that will inspire you.”  He chuckled dryly, taking a long gulp of his sparkling water.  See the thing is he really thought he was being funny.  Like he wasn’t insulting his partner of over two years but merely sharing a joke with his workmates over a beer.  He did that all the time and it infuriated me.  Yes, he basically put a roof over my head and milk in the fridge.  But god forbid him ever letting me forget it.  He was supportive at the beginning, came to every gig we played.  After all, he’d met me through watching the band.  He’d been similar to Harry in a way, but he had shown his attraction through a wingman.  At the time, I was couch surfing and he gave me the attention I’d craved for a long time.  I grew very fond of him very quickly, he was goofy and quirky and intelligent.  Not bad to look at either.  As the only male figure I had in my life was my own deadbeat dad, I couldn’t go far wrong with Peter.  But he loved the fact that he’d saved me, he still loved thinking that he was fixing me.

“That was rude, Pete.  I made you this great homemade dinner didn’t I?”  I said, stabbing a meatball and shoving it into my mouth whole.

“Well, you had all day to do it.”

“Christ, I get it, you work 9 to 5, good job, Dolly.”  I said, throwing my fork to my plate and standing up sharply.  The chair scraping along Peter’s wooden floor.  He hated when I did that.  He huffed back into his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“For goodness sake, Hay.  I do it for you.  For us!”

“No, don’t worry.  I just thought about opening up to you but now I realise that was silly of me, you’ve been working all day and I haven’t, why would I have any problems or issues of my own.  Don’t worry Peter, I’ll keep it to myself from now on.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Oh, please, master.  Don’t fret, how about I go run you a nice hot bath and while you soak your stresses away I’ll wait like a good little housewife in the bedroom, legs akimbo and when you’re done, you can hop on and we’ll make sweet love in the missionary for maybe six-seven minutes on a good day and then I’ll cry myself to sleep while you snore your blissful little man brain off.”  I sighed once I’d finished.  Throwing the tea-towel onto the side and putting my head in my hands.  Peter didn’t say anything.  After a few minutes, I felt him come up behind me and I flinched.  He kissed me on the crown of my head, breathed in the scent of my shampoo and then walked away to the bedroom.  I leaned forward on my palms in front of the sink, hanging my head and breathing deeply.  My phone buzzed on the counter beside the kettle where I’d plugged it in for charging.

I looked over with hooded eyelids.  It was Harry.

Harry

Why did I think that was okay?  She must have thought I was some weird stalker, she had to.  I couldn’t stop looking at my phone.  Sat there on my coffee table staring at me like I’d done something wrong and it was ashamed of me.  It had been at least 2 and a half hours since I’d messaged her.  Yes, I was counting.  I stood up, deciding I needed to get my mind off of this situation, off of her.  She had a boyfriend for Christ’s sake, why had I become that guy?  I paced back and forth in my kitchen, I couldn’t cook because I had no food in.  All I could think about was the embarrassment of her rejection.  I jumped when my phone rang suddenly, I stared at it, I was stuck to my spot behind my sofa.  I couldn’t make out who it was from there and that almost felt safer.  I shook my head and rushed around to my coffee table, swiping the iPhone from the glass surface.

“Oh for fuck-,”  I sighed under my breath, tapping the answer button on the screen.  “Hi, mum.”

“Hi darling, just wondering if you were going to let me know if you’re still alright to play at the charity do this weekend.  All the boys still game?”  Her chirpy northern drawl calmed me some.  Like it usually did.

“Yeah mum, they’d all love to help.  We’re all planning on bringing our own crowds so hopefully, that’ll bring in more money.”

“That’s wonderful… alright then, good to hear your voice honey, don’t leave it too long again, yeah?”  I sighed, feeling guilty.

“Yeah mum, love you, bye.”  I hung up and tossed the phone onto the sofa beside me.  We still needed to bring our set together for the gig and if I was honest music just wasn’t my priority at that point.  We’d had a little taste of fame and I wasn’t sure if I was enjoying it as much as the other lads were.

I picked up my phone again, I swiped to the Instagram private messaging page again and sighed.  I’d been left on read.  I should’ve stopped myself, but all I’d sent was a simple, Hi.  Surely she couldn’t blame me fo- oh god she was typing.  My eyes widened and I panicked, throwing the phone away from me after quickly closing the app.

Halo

Well hello to you.  We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.  That was a good enough message I’d thought.  He didn’t take much time to reply with a witty comment.  We conversed with little flirtation at the beginning, however, it was hard to resist the temptation and I could feel myself growing weary.  Peter hadn’t stirred since he’d exited the kitchen nearly 2 hours prior.  I’d popped open a bottle of merlot and set myself down on the sofa chatting to Harry.  The more I sipped the less guilt I felt.

h_blacknirvana

I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since you opened your mouth on that stage…

halo.thomas

I felt the same way when I saw you play Gullivers

I could feel my heart beating as I watched the little bubble pop up, signaling that he was typing.  Peter was so far out of my mind at that point and my senses were too cloudy with wine to care.

h_blacknirvana

Wow, Gully’s was a while ago… trying to prove you’re my biggest fan? ;-) 

halo.thomas

Oh, like you need anyone to remind you how amazing you are

h_blacknirvana

Nah, you’re right, I get that a lot

I shook my head, smirking and taking another long gulp of the smooth liquid.  I was about to reprimand his egotistical arse when the bubble appeared again.

h_blacknirvana

For some reason, it feels so much more satisfying hearing it from you

I smiled at my phone screen.  God, I’d forgotten what it was like to feel like this.  Peter and I had such an amazing first year.  I was so in love with him that I really thought that that feeling would never end with us.  It made me excited but uneasy that I was feeling potential with a different person.  I thought about him lying in our bed, for the first time in a while I almost dreaded having to go to sleep next to him.

halo.thomas

You’re gorgeous, Harry… but I have Pete

I stared at my phone, having to tap it again to stop the screen fading to black.  He was taking his time.  I thought I’d fucked it up until the little bubble finally reappeared.  I was too drunk to question why I was worried about fucking whatever it was we had up.

h_blacknirvana

I wasn’t suggesting anything, love… I know you’ve got a bloke… I’m merely stroking your ego until you tell me otherwise

I sighed, covering my drunken eyes with the palm of my hand.  All I wanted to do was tell him to keep talking until I drove myself to the edge.

halo.thomas

Ugh, fuck it

I paused myself, taking another large pull of the red liquid in my glass as my fingers became sweaty.

halo.thomas

Keep talking...

h_blacknirvana

What do you like, love… where would you want me if I was there?

I bit my lip, my eyes were hooded and at that point, anything he said would have started a fire in my belly.  I couldn’t fully comprehend the fact that this was happening.  This man had been the object of my affections for years.  I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to take advantage of everything he was clearly laying on the table.  

[scarlettsrioting]

Stood Up

You (Y/N) get stood up from a date and Kaminari decides to do something about it.

Pairing: Kaminari/F!Reader

Contains: Fluff, Flirty Denki, Established BakuSquad Friendship

Warnings: 18+ Below the cut, Minors DNI! Swearing, Electro-Stim, Overstimulation, use of pet names (cuddle bug & cutie), oral (F receiving), consensual recording

A/N: Well, here we are with the third in my Stood Up series. There is also Bakugo & Kirishima if you’re interested. This one took me way too long and it’s also my first time writing Kaminari at length. I hope you all like it :)

WC: 2,461

You slipped your foot into the silver heels you had picked out. Something a little fancier since this was a first date after all and you wanted to make a lasting impression. Not only that but this was your first first date in a while. Being a Pro Hero made life busy and dating difficult.

Practically the entire day leading up to this very moment revolved around you either getting ready or babbling with excitement to your closest friends.

An alert chimed on your phone with a text from your date, a smile sliding onto your face expecting to read some message about how they were on their way and that they’d see you soon, but that wasn’t what you were met with.

Instead, it was a screenshot of your Instagram page, multiple of them actually, all of you and the ridiculous photos you took with your friends but mostly with one Denki Kaminari. The most recent of which was from a tea shop he met you at just earlier that day so you could show him the shoes for your date.

The message below was simple and more than enough to leave a sour taste in your mouth, this isn’t what I want to see when I’m supposed to be taking you out tonight. What, one date a day isn’t enough? Why are you even dating? Does your blonde boyfriend know?

You giggled at what they were implying, quick to explain how these were all your friends, they had been since high school! They are people you spent what little free time you had with. Especially Denki, your best friend since you were 15!

That joy you felt started dissipating within the next few messages. You hadn’t even had a first date and they were already jealous, and that was something you didn’t have room for in your life. So, you slipped the heels off your feet and put them directly back in the box to return when you had the time. Tight black jeans and fitted top were exchanged with a hoodie and sweats although your makeup and hair stayed done, you didn’t have the energy to undo your hard work.

Instead, you slid back into your computer chair, your headset snuggly back on your ears and before you notified everyone you were back online, you took a moment listening to the chatter of your friends.

“Shitty Hair! Fuckin’ pay attention!”

“Yeah, man! We’re getting slaughtered over here!”

“Less yelling at Kiri! More shooty shooty!”

“All of you are hopeless…”

Eijiro chuckled out an apology that was accompanied by a lighter giggle also coming from his mic. “Think this is gonna be my last round for a bit, guys.”

“You’re so fuckin’ whipped.” Bakugo scoffed, before screaming profanities.

“Is it whipped if I’m the one who’s wanting to get her into bed though?”

You clicked your mic back on then. “Hey, remember last week when Kats forgot his push to talk so we all heard him getting head and we party whipped because someone couldn’t focus?”

“You better shut the hell up right fucking now!”

Everyone else roared with laughter. “Yeah! At least I have the decency to mute myself!”

“Hey, wait a sec, why are you online, Y/N!” Denki noted, “You should have already left!”

You screenshot your messages to the group chat because it was far easier than just explaining the ordeal.

“Cute shoes.” Eijiro and Kyoka commented at the same time.

There was a lull as their game ended and the messages were read.

“Ya don’t need ‘em if they’re gonna have their head so far up their ass like this.”

“I agree.” Hanta chimed in. “They’re not worth your time.”

“Still, sorry they turned out to be a shit.” You could hear the frown on Kyoka’s face, “I know how excited you were.”

“Right, you doin’ okay, Y/N? I can stick around and we can all shoot some things!”

“Thanks, Kiri but I’ll be just fine! Go spend time with your girl!”

One by one, everyone signed off. You pulled up Spotify and Stardew Valley, something of a comfort for you to get lost in for the rest of the night.

Less than an hour later, you noticed your phone lighting up with your best friend’s familiar smiling face. “What’s up, Denki?”

“Open your door! I have my hands full and don’t wanna put everything down to get my key!”

You sprang from your desk and rushed to your door. Sure enough, on the other side was Denki with bags in both hands and his phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. You grabbed it and a bag before he had a chance to drop anything like the klutz he was. “What’s with all this?”

“I feel bad.”

“Why? You didn’t stand me up?”

He fiddled with the edge of a paper bag. “Yeah, but, we both read those messages and no one said anything but they didn’t just call our group out, they called us out.

"Denks, it doesn’t matter to me-”

“But, it does to me! You were so excited about this and I got in the way, unknowingly but, still! So, I gotta make it up to you now!”

He pulled out take-out boxes from your favorite restaurant. Two bottles of your favorite wine. Your top three favorite movies and video games, and a board game you both had been meaning to try. “I mean, if they think I’m your boyfriend I kinda gotta live up to the hype, right?”

You really wanted to insist that none of this was necessary. That just because some person that neither of you really knew that well, assumed something about your relationship that didn’t mean he had to blame himself for it.

But, you had to admit, this was really sweet. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you that he knew everything you liked but it was nice. Instead of sitting across from a stranger, making awkward small talk, and trying to learn about one another, you were barefoot in your kitchen, laughing with your best friend while he plated dinner and you poured the wine.

Formalities were out the window. Both you and Denki were eating dinner in your living room, laughing and drinking just as you’d done a million times before. You snapped a photo of the delicious food on paper plates, toasting good times with your cheap wine, ready to post them to your Instagram.

“Gonna make them more jealous…”

“I think they made it pretty clear they don’t want to see me so why should I care?”

He shrugged. “I just thought they might, you know, come to their senses that they obviously lost.”

“I don’t really care either way.” You wandered back into your kitchen, putting away the leftovers, “They can forget I exist or they can stalk my page like a creep. If someones’ gonna try and tell me I can’t be friends with my friends or just not listen to me, then I don’t want them in my life. No matter how good-looking they are.”

Denki watched you from the sofa, a bit of a lopsided grin on his face that had butterflies taking flight in your stomach. “What?” Laughing to hide the bit of a crush you always had on the man. It was unavoidable you told yourself. His personality was infectious and had 15 year old you head over heels.

He pushed back bright blonde hair back off his forehead and just shook his head. “Nothin’. Uh, what’s next? Video game, board game, or movie?”

You peaked on the counter at the options. “Well, we probably should have checked this but the board game needs at least four people to play… guess we’ll have to save that for our next game night. Is a movie okay?”

Of course, it was.

You brought over the DVD with a refill of wine and he pulled a blanket down off the back of your sofa.

It really didn’t take long, just fifteen minutes or so, and you were curled up into Denki’s side. You’d make grabby hands for your wine glass and he’d pass it over with that damn grin again.

And not long after that, he’d pulled out his phone, angling it to take a picture of the two of you. “What are you doing?” You could see him on his own Instagram, tagging you, with the caption, Check out my cute cuddle bug.

“I thought you didn’t want to make them more jealous.”

“I decided I don’t care either. You’re mine tonight, their loss. And since you’re mine tonight, I get bragging rights.” He snapped another quick picture of you rolling your eyes at him, and then he kept snapping them.

“Denki! Why!”

“Because you’re cute, cuddle bug! I like having all the pictures of you that I can!”

Even as you tackled him back down on the sofa, pinning him below you, he still managed a photo. “Bet if I post this one, they’ll really get the wrong idea.”

You could have moved. You were the one on top of him and you had his arms above his head. You had the power here and yet you just lingered above him.

“Y/N? Not that I’m one to complain about having a beautiful person such as yourself pinning me down, like, it’s kinda hot, but…” Looking down into half-lidded golden eyes, you wondered why you had to become best friends with such a damn flirt! “Are you gonna take advantage of this situation we’re in or are we just gonna keep dancing around this for another decade or so?”

You couldn’t have heard him right? No… no this was your brain playing tricks on you because he certainly hadn’t had that much wine tonight. You sat upright on his lap. “Another decade then, Y/N?”

“You- ha- you should stop that, Denki.”

He leaned up, moving his arms around you, “Gimme a good reason to and I will.”

You didn’t have one. And not just because you’ve been in love with him for ten years but also because he was your best friend. The only reason to not go through with it was the possibility of losing your friendship if something bad were to happen but, you really didn’t think anything would.

Denki might have been a serial flirt but he was surprisingly loyal in all the relationships he’d been in, not that there had been all that many serious ones.

“I’m not hearing anything.” He teased, his face getting closer to yours. You could count each and every one of the faint freckles that littered the balls of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “But, I promise, if you tell me no, I’ll stop, won’t push this any further.”

This whole thing seemed like a frickin’ whirlwind, happening faster than your brain could really process the situation but you didn’t want it to stop either. You wanted to take it further, didn’t want to say no.

Which was why you coiled your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. There was that small little buzz of electricity that tickled your lips when he’d kiss your nose or cheeks that was now playing on his lips, on his tongue when you welcomed him in.

He leaned back again, pulling you with him until you were both a pile of needy hands and breathy pleas. Everywhere his hands roamed you felt that faint trail of shock against your skin, making the little hairs on your body stand on end.

Clothes were shed, tossed haphazardly around your living room, both of you pausing to laugh when Denki managed to land your hoodie over a lamp. His attention was drawn back to you quickly though, still perched on top of him but now he had your chest on full display since you’d forgone a bra when your date canceled.

Electrifying tongue twirled around your nipples, sensitive normally, now it felt like you knew what it was like when he fried his damn brain. He was eager, relentless even, pulling and sucking, another hand giving your other breast a similar treatment. He had you so focused that you let out a broken moan when slender fingers found their way into your panties.

“Fuckin’ hell, Denki.”

The bastard winked up at you, nipple still between his lips and before you could retort, he sent another small jolt through you.

You were blatantly grinding down on his hand, reaching behind you, you found him completely solid, barely being contained in the tight black boxers he wore. You had enough sense to tug them down and wrap your hand around him making his teeth sink into your soft flesh, whining when you stroked him.

“Y/N…” He whimpered, his hand momentarily distracted from his ministrations gave you enough time to shift in his lap to scoot forward putting his cock in front of you. In one swift motion, you had his length between your slick. “Oh fuck, cutie!” Golden eyes were squeezed shut while you moved along him, feeling that pleasant curve he had, you could only imagine what it was gonna be like to have him inside you.

“You’re being a little tease, ma-makes me wanna do all sorts of things to y-you.”

He was kissing your neck, your chest, shoulders, and arms, anywhere on you that he could reach. His hips bucking up into you, just trying to hit that perfect angle.

Strength and agility were something most overlooked when it came to Denki Kaminari but when the man wanted something bad enough, he found a way to get it.

He had your ass rising up in the air with a harsh thrust of his hips and a small squeak from you, giving him exactly enough time to scoot down on the sofa so you were sat atop his face. If you complained, he didn’t hear you. Denki already had your thighs around his head and his tongue devouring you completely.

Little shockwaves rocked you while you cried out his name, hands fisting blonde locks just trying to stay upright.

One orgasm from you apparently wasn’t enough, neither was two but on the third, Denki finally relented, allowing your heartrate to come back down and your gasping breaths to come in more steadily.

You slid back down his body, his erection now smack against your ass. His hair was recked, face completely flush but he had the biggest grin on his face that you’d ever seen.

Denki kissed both your cheeks, “You are so amazing, cutie!” Kissed your lips, “You taste better than anything I’ve ever had!” And one more on the tip of your nose. “Doin’ okay?”

You nodded, starting to really gather yourself again, and by this point, you really just wanted one thing.

“I wanna… Denks… can I take care of you now?”

“Sure, cutie! How do you want me?” The wiggling eyebrows had you rolling your eyes and pushing him on his back again.

It took little effort for you to position yourself above his cock, and with how slick you were, his bright pink head slipped right inside. He held your hands while you scrunched up your face, sliding all the way down him until he was completely sheathed within.

The curve was immaculate. Hitting in just the right way that had you moaning with just a couple thrusts from him. Before long, you were eagerly bouncing on his cock. Riding him hard so he filled you up each and every time.

You barely registered him reaching for the coffee table, his phone now in his hands. “What’re you doin’?” You practically slurred, slowing only slightly. He tapped the camera lens with a wicked grin. “Seriously?”

“We could make 'em really jealous now…”

Somewhere in your brain, you knew your date wouldn’t give two shits, in fact, this probably would have only validated their thoughts about your’s and Denki’s relationship but with his cock stuffed so deeply into you, kissing your cervix in the most beautiful way, you really didn’t give a damn.

You and Denki put on the best possible show you could think of. You were overstimulated, sore, and completely elated! He balanced the phone against the wine bottle so neither of you had to try to hold it.

This way he could play with your breasts or squeeze your thighs while you dug half-moons into his chest. Shocked with the playful zaps he sent right to your core.

Your makeup you’d didn’t feel like taking off now ran down your cheeks with tears. Your hair was a mess thanks to him pulling at it.

Denki had you howling through another two orgasms, telling you how perfect you were, how nice you felt squeezing him so tightly, your nails felt so good against his skin.

It was only when you collapsed against his chest did he hoist your hips up so he could ram into you, pulling out just at the last second with a strangled cry of your name.

He wiggled himself free, grabbing a towel from your bathroom and cleaning you both up before stopping the recording.

“You’re, hey you’re gonna send that to me right?” You asked when he handed back your hoodie off the lamp.

He dropped a kiss on your lips, plopping down beside you on the sofa again and you noticed your email already up and the video uploading. “Obviously, we share all our videos and photos. Why would this be different?”

[whoacanada]

NHL!Bitty, Part IX - ‘Loose Lips Sink Ships’

(Alright, you guys voted for #2, so enjoy!)

Eric gets hit on in a hotel bar during All-Star weekend. For the first time in a long time, it’s not because he’s a famous hockey player.

It would be very flattering, except the man trying to seduce him works for Jack’s PR firm, and bro is playing fast and loose with some seriously confidential information. 

NHL!Bitty Masterpost!

It’s been a long, exhausting day. Between the flight, check-in, the press junket, the photo ops, all Eric wants is to get a little bit drunk with the guys, grab some dinner, and fool around in Jack’s hotel room. Hopefully in that order, but he’s open to fooling around whenever.

He must have a dopey smile on his face thinking about the debauchery he’s been looking forward to all week when he realizes someone is watching him from across the bar. 

Tall, nice hair, professional, and he’s looking at Eric, no, at the empty chair next to him. And he’s walking over. 

“Is this seat taken?”

Eric doesn’t have time to say ‘yes’ before the man has settled himself into Jack’s chair and ordering a drink. Eric quickly hides his VIP badge in his pocket before Nice Hair gives him a once over.

“Whiskey on the rocks for me and . . . ?” He looks at Eric’s beer. “Another one of those when the time comes.”

Nice Hair holds out a hand. “Joel.”

Eric takes the proffered hand and plasters a smile on his face. “Eric. And I really don’t need another drink, thank you. Also, you should know that seat -- ”

“Nonsense. It’s already a shame you’re paying for that one.” Joel points at Eric’s bottle. 

‘I’m not, Benn bought it because he lost a bet,’ Eric doesn’t say.

The TV behind the bar is playing Jack’s interview from earlier; the one where he talks about the Zimmermann Foundation and is generally awkward with an ESPN reporter that kinda looks like Lardo. 

Joel sees him watching. “So, you like hockey or just handsome men?”

“Little bit of both,” Eric slides his cup ring off into the same pocket as his badge. 

Joel leans in, bemused. “Now, the ‘handsome men’ part I’m glad to hear, but hockey? That may take some convincing.”

Oh. This is going to be one of those conversations. 

“Well, what kind of guy do I seem like?”

“That depends, what do you do?”

He could tell the truth, say he’s playing in the All-Star game as the man clearly doesn’t recognize him, but Eric’s a little bored, a little drunk, and a little bit of a shitty human being. 

“I like to think I’m an entrepreneur,” Eric offers, playing with the label on his bottle. He immediately realizes just how bad that sounds.

“An entrepreneur that likes hockey and hangs out in hotel bars during All-Star weekend waiting for handsome men?” Joel gives him a blatant once-over.

“I’m not a prostitute,” Eric stammers, embarrassed, “I just --”

“No, no,” Joel comforts, holding up a hand, “I get it. You know there’s a term for that, right?”

It’s been nearly twenty minutes, Jack is still missing in action, so Eric downs the rest of his beer and gives his interloper a dirty look. “Don’t even think of calling me a puckbunny.”

Joel laughs like he wasn’t just implying Eric is a whore, like they’re friends and he’s not ignoring every obvious sign that Eric is not interested.

“You know, since Boston is hosting the All-Star game this weekend, this bar could be full of hockey players and you’d never even realize it.”

He’s done. This conversation is toeing into uncomfortable territory and Eric’s giving up on his boyfriend coming to his rescue. He’s a big boy, he can take care of things himself. 

“Oh?” Eric says, glancing around to catch PK’s eye across the room. “Do you recognize any players, Joel? Because I’m -- ”

“It’s just my day job,” Joel interrupts him, flashing a VIP Press badge with a cheeky grin: Joel Murrel, Langston Group, “but I like to consider myself an entrepreneur as well.” 

The company name stops Eric short. Langston. Why does that sound so familiar?

“I know it says press, but really I work in PR; and, not to brag, my firm represents a number of the athletes playing this weekend,” he says, leaning in to whisper, “including Zimmermann up there.” 

There it is. Langston Group. The Zimmermann’s PR team, not just Jack’s, but Bob and Alicia’s as well. That’s...confidential, right? Has to be, that’s literally what they’re paying for -- discretion. At least, it’s what Eric is paying his own people for.

“Really?” Eric questions, suddenly, terribly sober. “Don’t you have to sign NDAs when you work with celebrities? Can you really tell me stuff like that?”

“Of course, but he’s not my client personally, so anything I’ve heard is just a ‘rumor’, you know? But, man, I’ve heard some stories.”

‘Tread lightly, hot shot,’ Eric thinks to himself, pretending to tweet something while discreetly opening his mic app and pressing ‘record’, ‘that’s my man.’

“That’s surprising, he seems so friendly.”

Joel actually snorts so hard he loses a little bit of drink. “Friendly? Oh no,” he snatches a napkin from the bar and dabs at the spilled whiskey on his sleeve. “That man has all the personality of a wet blanket. He’s a nightmare client, super paranoid, his agent’s always calling, it feels like we cover up a new scandal every few weeks.”  

“But I can say this,” Joel rests a hand on Eric’s arm, thumb stroking over the material of his suit jacket, “I know for a fact he and I have the same type, handsome, blonde, and male.”

Eric doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry -- like he’s transcended into another plane of existence where serene rage is a real thing. Then something snaps and he’s all too human again, on his feet before he realizes what’s happening. The room is too small, too full of unfriendly ears, and this guy is running his mouth, using Jack’s personal life as a bargaining chip in the hopes of getting laid? How many other people has he talked to about Jack? 

“Whoa, hey, that got you excited --”

Eric could have been a fan; Jesus, he could have been a reporter.

“Joel Murrell, was it? It’s been lovely, but I’m afraid I have a prior engagement I just now remembered. Do you have a card? Maybe we can chat later.”

Murrell frowns like he wants to protest but opens his wallet to grab a business card anyway. It’s almost serendipitous that Tater chooses that very moment to sidle up beside Eric.

“B! Who is your new friend?”

“B?” Murrell questions.

“Bittle?” Tater explains, confused, looking at Eric, “Does he not know who you are? Eric Bittle, plays for Schooners?” Tater motions to the press badge on Murrell’s hip. “I’m thinking you are not very good at your job.”

“You’re a hockey player?” Murrell asks, dumbstruck. 

“This is Joel, and he was just leaving.” Eric snatches the business card from his hand and Tater nods, immediately understanding.

“Ah, well, good thing because we need you for shots. If you will excuse us,” Tater rests a hand on Eric’s shoulder and steers him away. Staring down a table of All-Stars, Eric realizes he has to take care of this right now.

“I’ll be right back, Tater, order me a drink and make Bennett pay for it. Get something for Jack, too.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, instead, he retreats to the bathroom and after checking all the stalls to be sure he’s alone, pulls out his phone to call the first person he can think of.

He waits for several rings and the call goes to voicemail, so he tries again. And again. On the fourth attempt, Bob answers, voice heavy with sleep and worry. Eric woke him up and he doesn’t give two shits because this is important.

“Bob, it’s Eric, listen, I know it’s late -- and Jack’s fine -- but we need to talk.”

[nightttdreamers]

You’re in the Band! (Klance) Chapter 2

Hi! Here’s the second chapter of a fic I’m currently writing which is basically a Voltron band AU, focused on Klance but w/ other stuff too ofc.

AO3 link

Hope y’all like it! Feel free to show some love if you do. Thank you!

It had been a month and Lance still didn’t know anything about Keith.

The band met up at least twice a week, usually three times, for a few hours. So, it was safe to say that all of the members were pretty close. When it came to Hunk and Pidge that was true, Hunk was basically family and Pidge knew everything there is know about Lance. But Keith might as well have been on a different planet. In fact, Keith went out of his way just to make sure that his private life was confidential. Every one of Lance’s attempts to learn more about him (“When did you get that guitar?” “Have you always lived in New York?” “What shampoo do you use?”) were shot down with some vague response and a shrug.

Keith had become such a mystery to him that Lance started a new note on his phone, titled “THINGS I KNOW ABT KEITH”

1: hes a guitar god and were not worthy of him

2: he travels a lot (stickers on his guitar case from weird places)

3: likes pidge more than me

Number three really got Lance heated. Although inside she was a softie, Pidge was snarky, sarcastic, and cynical, not exactly the “friendly” type.

Eyeing the other two from his spot at the minifridge stack, Lance was practically fuming while he eavesdropped on some argument Keith and Pidge were having.

“...but it’s just people shooting at each other for ten movies!”

“What? You can’t just simplify it like that!”

“Star Trek takes place in the future, they have women in power ! It’s showing what humanity can do!”

“Star Wars is an entire other universe with complex history that makes logical sense -”

“Jar Jar fucking Binks!”

“Guys! Guys,” Hunk said, stepping between the two and placing a hand on either’s shoulder. “I understand that being huge nerds is really important to you, but please, stop arguing. Star Trek is science fiction and Star Wars is fantasy, you can’t compare the two.”

4: keith prefers star wars over star trek

Keith stepped away from Pidge, who just stuck her tongue out at him. They did this almost every rehearsal, come in either gabbing over something weird or fighting over something weirder. Ever since Keith volunteered to escort Pidge to her apartment after a late-night practice, the two were always bonding , and the sight made Lance want to gag.

Not that he was jealous, or anything. That’s stupid. He didn’t even know Keith! Why would he be upset that the guitarist liked Pidge more than him?

“Um,” Lance cleared his throat, putting his drink back into the minifridge and stepping over. “Not that this -” he gestured to the three. “-isn’t important, but can we rehearse? That thing that people usually do when they’re in a rehearsal?”

After some affirmations, everyone had moved into their spots. Keith either stood between Lance and Hunk or against the back wall during rehearsals, never showing interest in claiming a space for himself. It kind of made Lance uneasy, like Keith would just leave at any moment, because if he was gone there wouldn’t be anything to even show that he was in Voltron. Which is why Lance tried to have him learn the whole album and be ready to record in a month. Thanks to his un-fucking-believable talent, Keith was ready, as was the rest of the band.

“I think we should just play through the whole album, make sure it’s perfect, no stopping,” Pidge suggested, simultaneously typing out something on her laptop.

Hunk nodded, responding, “If we’re all good, we should record later this week. Album out as soon as possible.”

“Can we even call it an album?” Asked Keith, not looking up from his guitar tuning. This caught Lance’s attention, Keith voicing his opinion? He usually put in his two cents about chord suggestions or timing, but never actual band stuff (another thing that made Lance uneasy; He was unsure if the guitarist really cared about the band). Keith clearly picked up on Lance’s surprise, looking at the other and straightening up. “I mean, it’s really an EP. There’s only seven songs.”

“Officially, it’s an EP, yeah, but it would be an album if we could pay for that much recording time,” Pidge replied.

Lance rolled his eyes, grabbing the mic. “Guys, EP, album, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just play!”

It took a few tries, but they managed to play all the way through, perfectly. The album (well, EP) was just comprised of the band member’s favorite songs out of the dozens they’d written, so it had actually been finished for months. All they’d needed was a guitarist (check) and an actual recording (soon-to-be check).

And they sounded great . As great as they could, at least, in the recording they would layer on more sounds and then sound awesome .

“Guys, this is gonna sound awesome !” Lance said once they had dispersed. There were a few positive affirmations from the group, who seemed to all be in a hurry. “Should we go out? Celebrate? Get drunk and watch bad movies? Get high and watch bad movies?”

Pidge tucked her laptop into her backpack, then made a beeline for the door. “Love to, but I am late for my shift, later!”

Lance’s grin faltered, since when did Pidge get a job? He turned his attention over to Hunk, texting on his phone.

“Hunk? Buddy?”

The bassist looked up, quickly shoving his phone away. “See, uh, I kinda have plans. Plans with this girl-“

“YOU’RE GOING ON A DATE?” Lance shouted, dropping his backpack and rushing to Hunk. “Is it with Shay? It’s totally with Shay, just tell me it’s with Shay!”

Hunk tugged at his collar, glancing away. “... Maybe.”

Lance grinned, wrapping his arms around his friend. “This is your night, dude! Woo her! Remember my advice!”

“Your advice sucks.”

“So then remember not to follow it.”

Hunk slid out of Lance’s arms, heading towards the door. “Thanks, man. Wish me luck!”

“Good luck!” Lance shouted after him as Hunk left.

Why didn’t he tell me he had a date? Especially with Shay? He’s been trying to ask her out for like, a year.

“You okay?”

Oh, right. Keith was still there, his brows furrowed. That was his default face, just looking confused and disinterested and pissed off. But, he sounded pretty concerned.

“What? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Um, you look really sad.”

Lance straightened up, grabbing his backpack again. “I’m not sad, I’m just… confused. If you had been trying to go out with a girl for, like, forever, and you finally got a date with her, wouldn’t you tell your best friend?”

Keith shrugged. “That would never happen, so, I don’t know.”

“Why not? You got the whole ‘bad boy’ thing down, chicks love that.”

Keith just shoots Lance a look (not just any look, an are-you-fucking-kidding-me-you-idiot look), and shrugs again, kneeling down to open up his guitar case.

Lance pursed his lips, folding his arms.

5: he really hates me

Maybe Keith wasn’t the best person to ask for advice, or talk to, or just interact with in general. But he got along so well with Pidge when they talked about nerdy stuff, so what was the issue with talking to Lance?

“So, you like Star Wars?” You sounds like someone’s awkward dad, that’s why he always gives you that look, why do you even try?

“I guess,” Keith says, picking up his case.

They fall into another silence and Lance contemplates being swallowed up into the abyss right there.

Okay, McClain. You’re a people person, conversation is your thing. Use your charms! There’s gotta be something he wants to talk about.

“How’s being in the band?” Lance asks the other, just as he’s about to step through the door.

Miraculously, a hint of a smile tugs at his lips as Keith turns his head away. “It��s cool.”

“And what about the EP? Any thoughts?” The cuban boy asks, stepping closer.

“Not really.” Fuck , Lance thought they were actually getting somewhere with that.

With a dejected nod, the singer slides by Keith and steps through the door. “Okay, then, see ya.”

Why do you even fucking bother? Who cares if you don’t know everything about Keith? Maybe he’s secretly a shitty person who kicks puppies and-

“I like robbers.”

Lance turns around, on the sidewalk outside of the Garrison. He quirks a brow at Keith, standing in the doorway behind him. “What?”

“The song, robbers, on the EP. I like it.”

Lance exhales, smiling. “Oh, the song. I thought you meant like, burglaries and stuff. I don’t know why you’d mean that, that’s stupid, unless you’re really into being a thief and stuff. I don’t judge, well, I kinda do, how can you not-” Lance catches sight of Keith’s face, which did look less pissed off for a moment, but is now reverting. “I’m sorry, uh, I talk a lot.”

Keith nods, unamused. “I can tell.”

Oh no, they will not fall victim to another awkward silence. “Why do you like robbers?” Lance blurts out, nearly shouting it.

Keith steps out of the doorway, beginning to walk. He tilts his head in the direction he’s going and after a moment of being unable to read a social cue, Lance follows alongside him. “It’s a good song, it’s… different.”

“What do you mean, different? Like, good or bad different?”

“Neither, it’s just not the kind of song I thought that I’d like.”

Now it was Lance’s turn to knit his brows. “What kind of music do you usually like?”

Keith paused, glancing over to the other. He looked hesitant, then shoved his hands into his pockets and continued to walk. “Rock.”

“Wow, you’re picky, that’s not a broad genre at all, very specific.”

“Okay, classic rock.” Lance rolled his eyes, sighing and making sure Keith could hear it. “You can’t just ask someone to narrow down their music taste like that!”

And then, Lance’s heart did a little thing in his chest because, fuck , Keith was actually pretty cute. Especially when he was mad, his voice cracks and his shoulders stiffen up. Lance can’t help but crack a smile at the sight.

“Dude, chill, I’m just asking questions.”

Keith looks away, turning his attention back to the sidewalk before them.“Right, sorry.” The two were quiet for a second, but it wasn’t as awkward as before.

“So, classic rock?”

“Yeah, classic rock.”

They spoke for some time about their tastes in music, and music in general. It seemed to be the only subject Keith was good at speaking about. Every time they drifted towards another topic, they’d end up right back where they started. But, Lance didn’t mind. In fact, he actually liked talking to Keith.

“And you write all the lyrics?” Keith had asked, later into their walk.

Lance nodded, beaming with pride. “Yep! Well, Pidge and Hunk sometimes give me ideas, but, the actual lyrics are all mine.” He pulled out his phone, opening it to his notes and handing it to Keith. “They’re all under ‘song lyrics.’”

Also, the best part about talking to Keith? He made the singer feel like an actual member of Voltron. In the past, if he ever brought up that he was the songwriter, reactions were typically “eh” or “what instrument do you play?” To which he’d have to go through the awkward “oh, none, I just sing.” But, Keith was actually really interested in his lyrics, and Lance felt great.

“Yeah, I just write down lyrics all the time, whenever, wherever. Once I have enough little sections, I put them in my notebook. Editing on a phone is just easier, though,” Lance explained.

There was a silence from the other boy, then, “I don’t hate you.”

Lance looked over to Keith, then glanced down at his phone in his hands. “THINGS I KNOW ABT KEITH” was in bold atop the screen. Suddenly, Lance regretted everything ever and wanted to crawl into the manhole that was just a few feet away. They’d call him the manhole-man, and he’d never have to face Keith again.

“Do you think I hate you?”

Lance shook his head vigorously. “No, no, I just- uh, okay, so, I thought you hated me, but that was like, an hour ago! Then, we had this whole bonding sesh,” his hands gestured to the two of them. “And now, I don’t think you hate me anymore! Right? Unless, do you?”

Keith’s expression was blank save the curl of his upper lip, giving a pretty good clue as to how he felt. “No, I don’t hate you. Why would you even think that?”

Lance flung his arms out, shrugging (once again, too exaggerated). “Uh, I dunno, maybe it’s because every time I’ve tried to talk to you for the past month you’ve responded in five words or less. Or because the three times, I counted, I’ve asked you to hang out you’ve declined before I could even finish asking? Not to mention that you only talk to Pidge and now, apparently, Hunk? And it’s not really an uncommon thing for people to hate me, like it’s a daily thing! Should I go on?”

Now, he could read Keith’s expression. He looked… embarrassed? No, that was guilt in his eyes, for sure. And then, that guilt was all over Lance’s face as he straightened up and frantically waved his hands.

“But it’s fine! I get it, you’re just not a big talker! It’s okay!” Nice going, asshole, first you think he hates you, then when he says he doesn’t, you give him a reason to.

“I just… I don’t really talk to people often,” Keith said, the way he bit his lower lip slightly before speaking catching most of Lance’s attention. “I don’t mean to come off like an asshole, okay? I don’t hate you, so this whole list is wrong.”

“The whole thing?”

“Yeah,” Keith said, handing the phone back over to Lance. “I’m not a god, chill. I just really like guitar. I don’t travel a lot,” he gestured to his case, which was on his back ( how did that not hurt? ). “These stickers aren’t mine, I’ve never even been out of the country. I don’t like Pidge more than you, nor do I like Star Wars over Star Trek, they’re incomparable.”

And just like that, Keith Kogane made Lance feel like an idiot. An idiot who keeps tabs and notes on people instead of just talking to them, which defeats his purpose of trying to know someone better by blocking that person out instead.

For lack of anything else to say, Lance simply stopped, gesturing to the building behind him. “Um, I live here.” And, once again, trying to make conversation; “Do you live close?”

Keith shook his head. “No, I actually live across town, west side.”

“Seriously? That’s like, really far, man. Why would you walk me all the way here?”

Keith’s response, unsurprisingly, was a shrug. “Like I said, I don’t hate you.”

With that, Keith turned around and walked back in the same direction they came from, and Lance watched his figure, although mostly obscured by the guitar on his back, fade away.

Wow.

Later that night, Lance was in his bed, scribbling in his notebook.

They call me the manhole man.

I just don’t feel whole, man.

Because I feel like an idiot, which I am.

And you’re just there looking like, damn.

Not all of his lyrics were great.

“Where’s the Redbull?”

“That shit’ll stunt your growth, Pidge.”

“Hm, interesting. Never heard that before, what’s also interesting is I don’t give a shit.”

Lance rolled his eyes at Pidge, resting his headphones around his neck. She didn’t seem to care, returning to whatever tech stuff that was happening on her computer and launchpads.

Keith, who after the Almost-Disastrous-Walk-Home incident a few nights ago began to actually speak with Lance, chimed in, which was something the band hadn’t quite gotten used to yet. “Lance,” he said, gesturing to what was occurring outside the recording booth.

Hunk was leaning over the soundboard, his attention (that would usually be on the board) turned to the girl working it. His eyes were all big and soft, like how he looked when he saw a cute animal video or well-made desserts, totally fixated on her. Shay, the aforementioned girl, was beep boop ing over on the board (a technical term, according to Lance), explaining to Hunk as she went along.

“Hey! Hunky Hunk!" Lance shouted, to no reply. The door was open, so there was no reason for him to be ignored right now. "Tonka Truck! Fudge Chunk! HUNK!” Lance continued to yell, waving his arms. This, after too long, earned the attention of Hunk, who quickly hurried into the recording booth.

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologized hastily, picking up his bass.

Shay leaned into the mic outside of the booth, gesturing for everyone to put their headphones on. “Okay, guys, we don’t have that much time to record, so try and make it count, okay?”

The group gave a few positive cheers and nods, Keith even gave a thumbs up! (Which was probably not as monumental as Lance thought it was.)

“Alright! Ready?” Shay asked, waiting for another affirming response. “Awesome! Voltron, track one, take one. And… go!”

It took all day to record the album (or EP? They never clarified). The group arrived at Balmera Recording Studios at seven in the morning, and left at almost midnight. It was a long, draining day, filled with plenty of caffeine breaks and yawning. One thing that made recording easier was the knowledge that their time was discounted. It helped that their bassist was dating the girl working at the record studio, and this earned them a pretty good deal. However, the catch was that it was only for a 12+ hour session.

It worked, and they got the discount. But, they paid the price of complete exhaustion by the time they were done.

“One last thing before you guys go,” Shay said, just as the group was halfway out the door. The four members simultaneously turned their heads, each of their expressions dull and lazy. “I just need the song titles."

Lance nodded sleepily, pushing past everyone and moving at a snail’s pace to Shay.

“Just type it in, right on the computer.”

self titled: an EP by Voltron

1.  I’m not Famous [E]

2.  Vowels (And the Importance of Being Me)

3. The Beach

4.  New Perspective

5.  Robbers

6.  All Over

7.  i heard you were looking like the moon

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Too Much Shit For One Man to Kick

In which Emma’s heart grows three sizes.

Broadcast date: Monday 4/Tuesday 5 September 2017

Now that I've torn myself away from the combination of Destiny 2 and trying to fix my phone, it's time for MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW!: The Nacreous Gem Around The Intrusive Sand Of Roman Reigns Trying To Cut A Promo

trialling a new slogan

daniel's uncle's idea

apparently owning the building means you can give production advice

price of free offices, i guess

anyway, i'm like 70% sure he doesn't read these, so i can say whatever

but yes, the actual show

the bright orange blur in this tumbnail suggests we may be hearing from one mr cena

straight in on a recap video of the contract signing from last week

only presumably without cena kicking a hole in the fourth wall like the fucking shockmaster

also they've edited it to remove roman forgetting how to english

some damn good promos, though

i'm just loving all the shots of kurt in the background gawking like oh god what have i wrought

oh, apparently this is labour day

you'll pardon me for not exactly giving a shit

and we're in omaha

and here's the cena himself

here to cene all over us

oh, apparently we're just kicking straight into a match

and booker's back

i never thought i'd be glad to hear that slurred bullshit

and here comes jason jordan and his dodgy synth music

here to fight cena for unspecified reasons

oh, so we can play the clip of cena debuting against kurt 15 years ago

back when he was ruthlessly aggressive

who doesn't love cross-generational parallels

omaha is super behind cena, possibly for his music containing actual instruments and vocal tracks recorded at the same time

jason goes straight into the amateur mat game, which is not exactly cena's forte

lots of lingering hugs

i think booker just managed to get jason and cena mixed up, but let's be real, i wasn't listening

my mind just levels out everything booker says into a kind of mealy blur

but hey, that's better than the unignorable shittiness of the jerry

(my favourite kundera book)

cena gets a comeback phase, including whipping jason so hard he also faceplanted himself into the mat

that seems poorly thought out

tries to deploy his five moves, jason manages to counter out my backflipping out of a suplex and dropkicking him

fuck you, cruiserweight division

jason takes a five knuckle shuffle, then counters an aa into an indescribably weird rollup

takes an stf for ages, then reverses into a crossface/chinlock thing

cena says fuck you, i'm john cena, stands up out of it and goes for another aa

jj counters out into a beautiful rolling double nothern lights suplex

straps come down, jj unleashes his true power level

and immediately eats an aa for the pin

way to disprove roman's argument that cena buries young talent

oh hye, speaking of

-slips into pre-emptive coma-

and  he's got a mic

fantastic

roman's like why the fuck did that take you 20 minutes that guy's been on the show for like a month

roman really needs to work out what point he's making

so yeah, argument today is that cena's not as great as he thinks he is

and is a lion

fake-ass little bitch

"Roman, I'd say I'm happy to see you, but...I'm disgusted by your whole face."

cena is all out of shits to give

like stop trying to use your brain, it's not your thing

cena immediately addresses roman's inconsistent point

and that his fly is open

which roman turns into lol cos i'm the big dog

ew

men

and cena counters with a balls joke, and roman with a gay joke

fuck's sake, guys

there's a bar, at least make a cursory effort to get over it

cena takes it to roman for having everything handed to him, like damn dude i fucking hate the miz but at least he works for his shots

this is all true

cena's mostly just exasperated

like damn dude, get a clue

so roman's like hey if you want to beat me up let's do that

roman, stop being smug

or just, yknow, go away

cena does not beat him up, so roman's like hey fuck you dude and walks off

that worked, i guess

but later, we apparently have braun/show in a cage

so we can play the gif of those two crushing the ring

also later jeff hardy has an ic title match

but now, enjoy this advert for total bellas

or don't, very much up to you

but now, here come the not-shield

entering to dean's intro

they're gonna be on announce for slater and rhyno vs the kkb

seth and dean should totally rebrand as the sword

god, i love that they've managed to get a dragon ball reference into their entrance

dean's like welp, that's a great entrance,can't take that away from them

confirmation that we've got their title rematch at no mercy

dean goes off on a tangent about jurassic park and getting your face eaten by velociraptors

seth starts giggling

send for the man

corey asks if seth and dean are getting on as a team, dean's like eh, i've had five years to punch this guy in the face, i'm kind of over it by now

back in the ring, heath slater is getting the fuck kicked out of him

but then, that's what he does

inevitable hot tag so rhyno can get some offence in

and then eat a brogue for the pin

dean starts talking smack on the bar, then he's like well we're the bar now hey we should steal their name

dean talks like he fights

cesaro and sheamus do their fusion dance in the ring, and i'm like 90% sure their fusion would be goro from mortal kombat

although more the plasticine fantasticine version from the film, tbh

that's science right there

toasty

cut back to the announce team, where seth and dean have evaporated

and they talk to book about the hurricane

briefly

but now, renee interviews the hardyz

matt breaks in with a semi-broken accent

crowd goes mental

and jeff's like yuuuup gonna win this or get myself killed with the FIRE THAT BURNS WITHIN ME

man can preach

so that's next, i think?

after this ad for randy/shinsuke on smackdown

insert comment about what competition means

and here comes the match

starting with the hardyz

jeff's wearing a connor's cure tabard over all his other clothes, and seriously, i think the man has a problem

it also makes it very hard for him to rock out to their music

cole makes a reference to them wanting to delete paediatric cancer

well played

and enter the miztourage

maryse has a new vest/pvc leggings/sparkly knee boots combo, and as ever, i want it

also perilously close to real human clothes

apparently it's just over 10 years since jeff had the ic belt

bell rings, jeff goes straight for a rollup because fuck wrestling

miz cowers against the ropes like please mr hardy don't beat me

and uses it to throw jeff out to his cronies

a scheme

who would have thought

back in the ring, jeff just punches the hell out of miz's oh-so-punchable face

whisper in the wind for a nearfall

it's taken this long for jeff to jump off something, he must be taking it seriously

sets up for a swanton, bo distracts the ref so curtis can pull jeff off the turnbuckle

sparks a brawl outside the ring, ref is just like fuck this noise all three of you can fuck off

matt is deeply offended like how could you do this to me i was defending my brother's honour

miz counters out of jeff's crotch leg drop, which is good to see, because it is such a trivially easy move to counter

this match is actually p good

it's been like 60% reversals

maryse is still at ringside, which can't possibly be foreshadowing anything

ooh, she's gone with acid-green nails as well

maryse is just my style icon

(as if you didn't know)

miz pulls jeff off the apron, then collapses against the barricade in fornt of a small child in a cena shirt who's like um what

miz gets a figure four one, jeff just goes to counter by punching miz in the face

makes sense when you think about it

eventually gets to the ropes

then hits miz with a stunner, nearfall when miz gets the rope

live by the rope break...

miz crawls out of the ring while the ref shouts at jeff, then immediately eats a baseball slide

and then poetry in motion off the steps

kind of feeling sorry for miz atm

he's bumping like a demon

maryse pulls her husband out fo the way of a swanton, leaving jeff to fuck himself upon the mat

goes for a twist of fate, miz counters into a finale for the pin

damn good match, solid finish

but now, women do things

or so i am assuming by this recap package of banks/bliss

oh yeahb, and nia's inevitable betrayal

announcement: sasha has her rematch at no mercy

and now nia accosts kurt backstage

she's not impressed that she doesn't get a title shot

and emma interrupts to talk about her twitter analytics

she also wants a title shot

nia's just like fuck off or i will actually break you

kurt holds them apart, and hatches a plan

nia/emma v sasha/alexa tonight

if the undercarders win, he'll make the title match a four-way

foreboding shot of the cage, insistent mentions of the ring being reinforced

and have some more recap videos of brig showman fucking the ring

never noticed how hard the ref bumps to the outside when it happens

caught it now, of course, because they've replayed the clip from SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN FUCKING ANGLES

but now it's time for cruiserweights to not get an intro

dar, nese and gulak already in the ring

and cedric and gran metalik get to enter with enzo, because seriously, nobody's getting a fucking intro

except enzo, who's brought a mic as usual

enzo tries to spin cheating to win matches as some kind of god-given right because it gets you wins

babyface?

despreately hypes 205 like please watch my show

he introduces cedric and metalik in the shittiest way possible

i spoke too soon, his smacktalk introductions for the other three are even worse

match kicks off with cedric/tony doing the cruiserweightiest wrestling ever

and enzo tags himself in to ruin everything

drew tags in to kick a non-trivial amount of shit out of enzo

not all of it, of course

the man contains too much shit for one man to kick

the heel team start doing rolling tags to take turns fucking up enzo's shit

and then they all just cruiserweight over everything and i can no longer narrate

stereo topes from cedric and metalik, during which enzo tags himself in because he's a twat

and then sticks a thumb in drew's eye to get his stupidly-named finish for the pin

the alleged faces celebrate as drew's outside with his friends like aaaaaaaaaaa i am blind

end segment

and now alexa collars sasha in the locker room to bitch about their opponents tonight

alexa has a cancer shirt too because she's a face by default tonight

this conversation quickly turns into a huge row

that match'll go well

up next, finn bálor wears a shirt

boo

and an advert for the myc, which continues to be great

and here comes everyone's favourite irish possible serial killer

-does the arms-

goes 'this is bálor club' like he's introducing his new talk show

waxes lyrical on his previous titles and how bray wyatt's a dick

finn has chosen his fate

or possibly faith?

this just in, he has an irish accent

calls bray out, immediate wyatt cut

and now we're in the void with bray

talking about learning to hunt as a kid

and the day he decided to stop using a bow and just kill things with his bare hands

i think we could have all filled in that backstory, tbh

taunts finn for only being able to beat him using the demon as his weapon, rather than doing it with his own power and will

and obliquely challenges him for no mercy

finn starts shouting back at him, which is a rarity for these segments

bray calls finn a rabbit, wyatt cut, end thing

so yeah, bray v human!finn for no mercy, presumably

oh hey, more ads for smackdown and total bellas

and now it's women's tag time

cole claims total bellas stars alexa bliss, corey's like um dude that's just a lie

she is here though

this much is true

oh my god i had forgotten how fucking angry i was about emma's new music

although that said, i think it's changed again

it's still not as good as her proper music, but better than last week

cfo$ are clearly going through a weird phase atm

corey is critiquing emma's hashtag efficiency

someone had to

the basic theme if this match thus far is 'tagging yourself in for giggles'

my inner bitch is loving the reluctant passive-aggressive teamwork in this match

(also my outer bitch)

(aka me)

as the smaller woman in the team, emma is performing her proper function of getting fucked on relentlessly

this rule does not apply to alexa, because her rage gives her virtual height

she's like one of those tiny dogs that will FUCKING HAVE YOU

emma finally gets a tag to nia, alexa gets a chance to vent at her

and get creamed

eats a big-ass samoan drop, sasha breaks up the pin after a moment of internal conflict

gets the tag, shining wizard for a nearfall

emma blind tags, nia leg drops sasha, emma gets the pin

i'll be honest, i was not expecting that

four-way should be good, though

emma celebrates extravagantly in the middle of the ring, nia's like um

and samoan drops her

nia will also fucking have you

back to the ambiguous backstage room, where renee has acquired a braun

asks what he's thinking before his first cage match

he's like really what the fuck was kurt thinking, this match might hurt me before my title match at no mercy but will definitely hurt company property

the man does a surprisingly good promo

but up next, seth and dean are back

their walk backstage is briefly interrupted  by elias thrashing out a new song

long beat as they just kind of stand there like what's up with this guy, then shrug and carry on, dean playing along on the air

but next, they fight the good brothers

after these ads for every show we make

back from ads, sheamus and cesaro are in the ring arguing with gallows and anderson for some reason

who am i kidding, you don't need a reason to bitch on those guys

seth and dean still using dean's intro

like, if you're going to just use one, seth's is way better

BURRRRRN IT DOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN

ref eventually manages to usher the kkb out of the ring, match can commence

sheamus and cesaro seem to have settled on just sarcastically applauding from ringside

someone needs to get them popcorn

this match is a little formulaic, but damn do i love how in sync seth and dean still are as a team

seth/dean v jordan/gable v gargano/ciampa v dawson/wilder

give them a whole show, best tag match possible

as opposed to this particular long-ass superplex setup that didn't even work

dean counters a chokeslam into a dropkick, which is p cool

seth gets the hot tag, commences to jump off every goddamn rope before braun and show fuck them up

dean tries to join in, does a shitty suicide dive

seth hits a lovely top-rope frankensteiner on anderson, the kkb try to interfere, seth gets the pin anyway because they're just that good

and then the good brothers take sheamus and cesaro out while they're distracted

they take a long moment to consider their options, then go back to the ring to fuck up anderson and gallows

and now here's the connor's cure video basically the same as last year, because history and cancer haven't changed much

and they've got the wwe makeup department in to give kids superstar redesigns

that's kind of sweet

and steph giving them all hype ring announcements is cute

dammit, i've fallen for a cute ill kids advert

and they brought alexa, miz, and finn

which seems like a super weird collection

to inspire these kids with cancer, we've brought our resident bitch, a self-important asshole, and a guy who draws power from being possessed by a demon

perfect sense

but up next, main event time

but first, cruiserweight recap vt?

because now we see enzo and his mates in the locker room being annoying

cue sarcastic clapping from neville

and news that those three have all qualified for a five-way elimination match for a title shot at no mercy

neville sows dissesnsion with a few ominous geordie words

closeups of techs reinforcing the ring

and now charly interviews the ref from the ring explosion match, of all people

oh, apparently the ring's double reinforced

not just reinforced

fancy

he's like welp this match is gonna be carnage i'm just going to focus on dodging

and now renee gives big show a hype chat

gah, i'd forgotten his new hairlessness

come on show, give us a YOUUUUU DID THISSSSS TOOO MEEEEEEEEEE

Shockingly, Giant Baby Show says Braun ain’t shit

the dramatic climax of the promo is just show telling us his own nickname

you know how i said braun could promo surprisingly well?

well...not that

seriously guys, how many ads do we need for total bellas?

it's back

we know

ad for 205, in which we learn that the other two slots in the 5-way are kendrick and nese, for no adequately established reason

wait, has anyone seen kurt and show at the same time?

feels like we might have a dr angle and mr show thing going on

corey just referred to braun as "the steam-breathing monster"

um

i have no clue what to say to that

is he coal-powered?

bell rings, braun kicks show in the face

ha

and starts bodychecking him into the cage

weirdly, it goes wrong on the fourth one

show counters with a magic fist, doesn't climb the cage for some reason, cut to ads

cut back and nothing at all has happened

ecept show is now taking his turn to throw his opponent into the cage walls

show starts climbing, braun follows

weird scale going on, since they can both stand on the top rope and touch the top of the cage

show gets crotched really hard

guys, stop doing that spot

it is not good for you

show sets up on the top rope, everyone goes wtf

and does an elbow drop for the first time in like two decades

doesn't connect properly, but still a good moment

goes for the pin, braun kicks out at two because fuck you i'm braun strowman

show crawls for the door, braun walks over, grabs it, and hits show in the face with it

then braun tries to walk over show to get the door himself, and show does eexactly the same thing back to him

see, that was just dumb

braun kind of wanders into a chokeslam, then counters into a ddt for a nearfall

few spots later, show manages to land the chokeslam, braun kicks out because see the above re: fuck you

show goes for a magic fist, braun counters into a powerslam, show counters out and throws braun into the wall

show goes for the climb, followed by braun

gets his chest over the top before braun drags him back down because NOT FINISHED WITH YOU

i have never seen big show on the top rope this much before

braun gets a superplex in, the double reinforcement does its job

still a hell of a crash

and running powerslam for the pin

okay, i'm not usually one for large man punch fights, but that was actually really good

braun looms ominously over his fallen foe, then somehow acquires a mic

calls out brock to see big show's corpse as an object lesson

long ominous beat, then tells big show it's time to go to pasture, picks him up, and powerslams him through one wall of the cage

crowd goes wild

next time they should maybe think about also double reinforcing the cage

show lies on the broken cage wall going aaaa i'm dying, braun stalks off and roars, end show

in all senses

right, well, i've got some bad news

the horizontal line's off in Marbella this week, so we're gonna have to roll straight on

-checks the list of test slogans again-

MONDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!: Takes Hotter Than Your Dad.

i swear, the things i do so we can have somewhere to record this show that's only occasionally filled with vengeful woodland animals

so yes, the raccoon incident aside, let's watch mackdown

or indeed smackdown

mackdown is the wrestling dating sim i am now going to have to make

opening on a weirdly-saturated recap package of the orton/nakamura situation

the worst holmes story

and yes, the best thing about smackdown today

i'd had it spoiled, but still

JBL IS FUCKING GONE

he's off to do charity work, so we get the double whammy of disadvantaged kids getting support and me not having to listen to his voice

and they've replaced him with corey, making pretty much the ideal announce panel

Tom: "Did you miss me, Graves?" Corey: "Yes!" Tom: "I...am surprised!"

i live for these two talking shit

so yes, orton/nakamura tonight for a title shot at hiac

and here's randy, standing in three-quarter profile in a dimly lit corridor

yknow, like people do

and giving a speech about how he' gonna fuck shinsuke up

cut to shinsuke shadow boxing in the locker room

tells us about how he's gonna fuck randy up, i mostly get distracted by his left shoulder, which i hadn't noticed before

it's kind of fucked

i'm guessing that's a dislocation that healed weird

cut to the ring, and ellsworth announces his bae

only to be interrupted by...kevin?

he's decided he's going to be guest referee for carmella's match with nattie

begins trying to intimidate the ref into taking his shirt off

here's shane

who may have opinions on this fuckery

takes a moment for a cheap pop before getting into professional mode

he's just like kevin

dude

sort your shit out

long tense faceoff

shane's like maybe take responsibility for all these failures which are in all ways your fault

kevin's like fuck you i don't even want to be on this show

shane's like well yeah, cos this isn't the bullshit show where we just give people belts

kevin calls shane out on him needlessly inserting himself into eveything on the show

mentions his dad, gets an ooooooh, mentions his kids, shane immediately gets in his face like fuck you

kevin spins the helicopter crash into this, says his family would all be better off if he'd died there

mentions his kids again, shane explodes on him

well, he did warn him

trips getting out of the ring, killing the moment a bit

throws kevin over the announce table and just absolutely goes to town on him

security pull them apart, bryan turns up to be like the fuck are you doing dude that's an employee

and give the most disapproving dad look you've ever seen

and...cut to an ad for total bellas

way to maintain the mood, guys

and recaps of what happened thirty seconds ago

in which they've edited out shane tripping

ha

backstage, kevin staggers through the room supported by three officials

bryan comes out to apologise

kevin promises to sue shane, wwe, and the entire mcmahon family

bryan's like wow, that seems wildly disproportionate

kevin's like fine, i'll go press assault charges insteads

cut back to announce, corey and byron are both like well he totally deserved that

but yes, now we actually have that carmella/nattie match

recap from last week reminds me precisely how fucking awful carmella's singlet was

thankfully, she's back to normal gear today

provided you count bright orange leggings with leopard-print piping as normal

announce team start spinning next week's 'Sin City Smackdown'

carmella gets her face punched off, retreats to her ellsworth

pan out to naomi watching the match with a look of deep concentration as carmella does a long-ass guillotine choke

nattie powerslams her out, gets a comeback

carmella superkicks nattie, gets a nearfall, ellsworth gives the ref the briefcase

carmella's like wtf no i'm not cashing in give my that back, throws it at ellsworth, and gets rolled up for the pin

ellsworth comes back into the ring to apologise profusely

carmella starts being all magnanimous, then opens up on him

including using the same line twice

calls him a 'genetic defect'

and asks how he's still employed at wwe

really, the question we were all asking

"You are a charity case, and your mother should have given you away at birth!"

wow

harsh

and officially dumps him

takes her case, struts off

leaving james in the ring and the depths of despair

backstage, here's shane looking conflicted

up next, dolph ziggler re-debuts

i have no clue how this is going to go

expect everything

after these ads for the myc and no mercy

and tom giving us a talk about paediatric cancer

roll the video again

refer to my comments above

well, that gave me plenty of time to curate my itunes library

fringe benefits

and here's the dolph

looking...exactly the same

he's got a mic

presumably to tell the fans to go fuck themselves

yup

railing at the fans for not appreciating the greatest performer in the company

and they'd prefer some dumb gimmick

lights go back down, and here he is again

doing cena's entrance

all credit to the crowd for the DOLPH ZIGGLER SUUUUUUUCKS singalong

dolph's like hey, did that not work? i'll try another

lights go down again, and now he's...who had land of hope and glory?

-research break-

yeah, thought it was him

dude, if you're gonna do a macho man entrance, you could at least have the shades

gives up on it, shouts at the crows for not doing the usual nostalgia pop

sends his valet away

and now he promises to have exactly what the crowd want and deserve

and...now he's naomi

the fuck is this

does the knee slide, then gives up

all gimmicks are defeated by ennui

and now he's back to railing against the idea of gimmicks, because anyone can do them

says he, after clearly showing that not everyone can dance like naomi

tells the fans they make him sick, stomps off backstage

so that happened?

up next, sami zayn v aiden english

because this is 2014 nxt, apparently

aiden gets about one line into his aria before sami's music interrupts him

oh yeah, this is the rematch from last week when kevin fucked on everything

and aiden gets a rollup out of nowhere

that lasted about 90 seconds

the bookers have some sort of problem with sami

and aiden's got his mic back

so he can give us some more singing

swiftly tailing off as sami chases him out of the room

let's have yet another recap of shane brutalising an employee

pan out to bryan rewatching it

only to get interrupted by the new day

here to lift his spirits

oh, and here are the usos

to do the opposite

announcing the stipulation for next week

street fight

which seems ill-advised when you're fighting a team of three

bryan gets a call, ushers the new day out

someone bryan calls 'sir' (so vince) wants him to do something in the ring

i know what, because i have a dreadful habit of going on twitter and getting spoilers, but i'll maintain the mystery for now

bryan disagrees, is shut down

and he's going to do............IT right now

(couldn't resist)

and here he is in the arena

gets in the ring, calls shane to come too

he doesn't

finally, here he comes

with nary a HERE COME THE MONEYYYYYYY

not sure i've ever seen either of these this sombre

bryan's like remember last year when the miz was pushing me every week and i made the bold choice to NOT FUCKING ATTACK HIM?

bottom line, you can't assault our employees

fair policy

shane's like yeah sorry but when people talk about my family i go crazy

bryan's just i don't give a single shit you've endangered this entire show because we both know kevin's a vindictive bastard who'll take us for everything

shane offers to go and reconcile with kevin

bryan's like no, i talked to your dad, you're suspended indefinitely

and leaves

shane's left in the ring like welp

why would you leave him there if he was suspended?

eh, wrestling logic

many crowd chants later, shane slumps off

gets a lot of thank you chants for a man who's just been suspended for attacking an employee

and now renee is in the blue curtain room to interview jinder

in an ugly-ass houndstooth suit

asks which guy he'd rather fight, he doesn't give a shit

claims he represents asia better than shinsuke ever could, despite shinsuke actually being from fucking asia

does the promo again in punjabi to speak to 3% of the great nation of india

back in the arena, aj's on announce

to talk about paediatric cancer

(i feel like i'll be writing that phrase a lot in the next few weeks)

and here's baron

sidebar fact: "Won the Money In The Bank ladder match earlier this year"

guys, maybe stop reminding people of that

recap vt of styles/dillinger last week

and of baron being a tool

i feel like i might need to specify that more

and here's tye

and they haven't synced his music with his new tron, so the sexy number voice says 10 when the video's on about 6

kind of love the KO'S A BITCH sign in the crowd

works on many levels

baron slides out of the ring to face off with aj, so tye just jumps out and fucks him up against the barricade

solid advice: maybe keep an eye on the other guy in the match

cut to ads, come back to a really slick spot of baron lariating tye's head off

tye tries to set up for the tye breaker, is thwarted by his opponent being large and heavy

and baron continues to stop having the match he's actually having so he can shout at aj

and i love the complete lack of shit aj gives

baron scores a cheap shot to tye's throat, angering aj, and end of days for the pin

actually a pretty good match

you forget that tye's got a lot of skill in the ring

aj is shocked at baron's lack of honour

because he doesn't watch the show, i guess

up next, "a special look at bobby roode"

ok, whoever edited it to go directly from saying that to a total bellas advert needs firing

backstage, aj congratulates tye on his fight and says next week, the us open challenge will only be open to him

dude

that's not an open challenge

that's just a challenge

and now for a bobby roode video package

enhanced by corey being on this show now so he can run hype for him

and now we're backstage with ellsworth pleading for carmella to forgive him

and being like yes i'm subhuman and i don't deserve anything please take me back

this is not healthy

carmella says from now on, they're doing things her way

gives him a huge kiss, then slaps his face off

flounces off, leaving ellsworth to be like the actual fuck is my life

but now we have a main event

here comes the very finest in flailing japanese men

and adverts for all our other shows

and also a fucking snaaaaaaake

loving the contrast of entrances

incredibly theatrical alien dance vs walking slowly down the ramp

cut over to jinder and the singhs in his skybox

tom mispronounces kinshasa even before the bell rings

this is why we got corey on here

whoever you are trying to get your MAGA sign to constantly show up on hardcam, kindly fuck off

randy does a massive hotshot, aided by shinsuke being an extremely floppy man when he wants to be

randy goes for his draping ddt out to the floor, shinsuke reverse out because that would be dangerous as fuck if he hit it

throws shinsuke into the announce desk, corey's like this is the worst first day ever

shinsuke just decides to get a comeback spot like oh hey maybe i should just kick him in the face a bunch

superplex to shinsuke, and the setup only took a small percentage of my life this time

lovely spot as shinsuke's reeling on his knees then just leans back into doing his cmoooooooon

goes for a kinshasa, randy counters into a snap powerslam

into a draping ddt, because you know randy's spots

strikes up the snake, which is still weird when your whole thing is hitting it out of nowhere

goes for an rko, shinsuke counters into an armbar then transitions to a triangle

that was fucking lovely

randy powers out, shinsuke counters an rko into a backstabber

see, this is how you preserve finishers

and kinshasa for the pin

oh, sorry corey

KINSHAAAAAASSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAA

(totally why corey's here)

well thank fuck for that, i'm not sure i could have taken another orton/mahal rematch without taking up amateur tattooing or something

backstage, bryan tells kevin they're done

kevin's like fuck that, imma run the show next week

and bryan drops the bomb that vince'll be there next week to sort shit out

great

ah well

and brief cut back to shinsuke partying so we have something to end on

and thus we finish the week's shows

by which i do of course mean last week's shows

one day i'll actually get my shit together and be punctuahahahahaaaa sorry i couldn't get through that

[Don’t forget to follow Emma on Twitter, where she’s @Waruce]