#and realising that when it was the closing credits in the parent trap that it was the same distance as 2005/2006 is now?

[thesokovianaccords]

I've had a genuinely horrifying thought (re: the passage of time)

so we can all agree that recent romcoms have been missing a certain je ne sais quoi

and one of the reasons that the rom coms of my childhood (tysm nancy meyers) went so hard was the soundtrack right? lots of 70s music, emotional, soulful, evocative stuff, right?

the absolute shock of realising that if the timelines worked the same that the songs on offer are from the early-to-mid 2000s. bruh. I'm reeling.

[iamafictionfreak]

Unspoken feelings and subtext heaven/hell - Kinn and Porsche (I love this show)

(I've credited the creators of any gifs I use for kinnporsche - if you'd prefer I didn't use your gifs, please let me know :))

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Kinn, my love, baby… what the ever-loving fuck are you doing??!

This is probably what most of you were thinking – that is if you weren’t all raising your pitchforks at him. And I get it. I do. We’re all pissed at Kinn.

But I’m also not. At all. Fraught with tension though this episode was, it was also another massive eye opener.

The leads are a MESS guys, in completely different ways. But this episode revealed a boatload of feelings and shit, were allergic to feelings here, aren’t we? KINN?!

But also- PORSCHE. The empath. Who couldn’t even speak the words.

I was waiting for one of them to be like ‘so, we had sex last night. I think we should talk about it’. What we got?

Both of them. It was both of them. They both slept with each other, and they both couldn’t face it. You see, to face the sex and how obviously amazing it felt to them both, they’d have to talk and to talk means to admit that it actually happened, and they can’t yet because it means revealing feelings and boy is that a no-fly zone topic for them both.

Following the trajectory of Kinn’s behaviour so far, I didn’t see him making Porsche his priority yet anyway, which is why I was so nervous for Porsche.

Kinn has clearly been hurt in the past, or he's been involved in a tragedy, but I was taken aback on the realisation that maybe Kinn’s past hurt coincided with a sabotage of the main family? Did he unintentionally threaten the security of his own family? And why the hell does his father keep reminding him of that fact?

Here Kinn – here’s the most beautiful, problematic, capable empathic man you’ll ever meet in your life, now…. Don’t fall in love with him. Feelings are bad. Feelings make you go against my order of things. Don’t treat him differently from your other bodyguards despite me being a massive hypocrite and doing exactly that when we first employed him. Keep him close, but not too close. Don’t be soft with him but don’t let him get away either.

Can we block Korn?

Is this how Korn keeps his friends close and his enemies closer?

Is this referring to Porsche… or is Kinn, his child, the enemy? That's a field for any psychiatrist.

Initially, I thought that maybe Porsche’s parents were people who Korn had once known and loved. Now I’m wondering if they were people who he’d trusted and who either betrayed him or who he betrayed in turn. So, he’s keeping an eye on Porsche though his son? Or maybe it’s nothing at all like that.

The point is, Kinn’s father has Kinn trapped. On a leash that Korn tugs tight whenever he so much as sniffs out what he deems as weakness. Only it’s not weakness: it’s Korn fear.

What’s he so afraid of?

That Kinn will defect given the right motive?? Because if this goes exactly the way we all know it’s going to, Porsche’s love will make Kinn into the leader we all know he could be. You should read this amazing @yeetlegay chess analogy with Porsche being the kingmaker and Kinn being the King. And that’s definitely a threat to Korn. But this early on in the game? It’s not Korn’s fear yet, so what’s going on??

Either way, it ties to feelings of regret and shame in Kinn. A weakness he himself has tried with all his might to crush – whatever happened has led him to closing up shop on everyone. He trusts no one. Not even his brother’s, not completely. Though I think that’s more to do with protecting them from him than anything else.

There’s cruelty in Korn and I think that’s where Kinn has learned to be cold. Imagine being so hurt in the past that you deliberately chose never to love again, never to kiss your sexual partners and all that jazz. Then imagine your own father reminding you of your failure every single time you waver on this choice. Like an asshole.

Of course, Kinn wasn’t going to go all out with Porsche. He was going to do as daddy instructed - which daddy did without really instructing him anyway: Korn has Kinn where he wants him right now - because Kinn feels like he still has to make it up to the family.

At this point, Kinn’s bodyguards (and his hurt) are his shackles – that his dad already knows what happened between him and Porsche means that one of them reported to Korn. Unashamedly. They’d have no choice; Korn’s the Mafia head who rules with calm authority, which is more effective than any other kind of power play. He's built a dynasty that Kinn is learning to navigate. But it reinforces that Kinn has no privacy and no one he can truly trust.

So, why the hell would he trust Porsche? What, because he slept with him? Psh. Hah. NO.

Kinn’s slept with a lot of guys. Sex is a language to him at this point, it’s nothing.

But he’s affected by what happened with Porsche. BIG TIME.

Unfortunately for Kinn, he’s also emotionally constipated and terrified. Verbal communication is really bad for his health. So, he waits for cues from Porsche. Porsche, who get’s his cues from Kinn.

It’s a clusterfuck ready to happen.

If Kinn had stayed in the bed with Porsche on waking, Porsche would have felt welcomed. Instead, he’s gotten out of the bed, out of touching distance and turned his back on Porsche before EVEN speaking to him. They couldn’t even look at each other. The night before had been that intense, that exposing. So, Porsche wakes feeling abandoned on the shirttails of being drugged. It’s almost a dishonour.

As if he's done something wrong.

Kinn thinking he’s doing the right thing by Porsche, gives him air – it’s the last thing Porsche needs but Kinn isn’t allowing himself to emotionally connect with Porsche. Then, to please daddy and reassert his control on himself, Kinn allows Big and Ken to humiliate Porsche. Orders them to. Maybe he thinks he’s protecting Porsche, and, in a way, he is.

But Kinn, placing duty - his father’s honour and Kinn’s shame - first, is another dishonour on Kinn this time. He just doesn't see it.

Porsche, still affected by being wrecked through passionate sex and drugs and awakened feelings and abandonment, is heartbroken.

( gif by @ashinlae )

Kinn has no idea. And whilst it would be so easy to just throw vitriol at Kinn for this, I can’t because – again – they haven’t talked. Neither of them thinks that the other has feelings involved here. When they had sex, Porsche was all about teasing Kinn’s, he spoke exactly zilch about his own. Kinn thinks Porsche is upset about being drugged and about the sex – at this point, Kinn’s mostly sure Porsche is a comfortable Bi. He’s assuming a lot because he’s on unfamiliar ground.

So, he behaves as he usually would: boldfaced and open about his sexual exploits. Right in front of Porsche. In front of our SALADS.

And this is where they’re alike – Porsche and Kinn both choose fornication as a way to prove to themselves that they’re fine: that they’re in control, that nothing has changed, that nothing is wrong, that they aren’t compromised by feelings. Kinn even allows his escort to kiss him – I’m completely unaffected by Porsche OR by feelings. Here. Watch how unaffected I am. Of course, he’s unaffected by escort guy. He can kiss escort guy NOW because those kisses mean fuck all to Porsche’s kisses.

The combined flashbacks were- I can’t even describe the artistry of that scene. It was profound, agonising, beautiful and exactly what the audience needed. We all thought we’d have to see them both do this with other people because they needed the distraction, needed to pretend they aren’t affected.

But they both are – this thing that’s happening between them is stronger than they understand. So wrapped around their experience together, they can’t get passed it. How it made them feel…

( gifs by the incredible @moerusaiai )

They were wrapped up in each other. Totally gone in the moment. There’s always an awareness in them both, even when they’re getting laid. But here, they’re gone. Blissed out. High off the feeling of each other.

And then-

( image by @trilliastra )

Twice prior to this, Kinn was unable to get to completion so to speak, with his escorts. He’d then go looking for Porsche. First, after Porsche shot that Mes (??) guy. Second, when Porsche interrupted his alone time.

He’s starting to understand why he’s seeking Porsche out. And he doesn’t like it. It’s out of his control. So Kinn… waits up for Porsche. Wanting to clear the air, to solve whatever’s starting between them, like it’s a puzzle instead of feelings.

He'll never admit that he's yearning too.

And Porsche? When he can’t get it on with a woman, he does exactly what he KNOWS Kinn will hate – he goes on a sweet little bike ride with Vegas.

The fact that Kinn was snoozing with a gun should tell you just how much Kinn doesn’t trust – he’s surrounded by bodyguards, but he’s still armed. Mentioning Vegas made Kinn’s feelings spiral right the fuck down. Kinn doesn’t know who drugged Porsche. Still, Kinn’s alone. He feels alone again. Porsche chose to spend time with Vegas instead of return.

But, Porsche, sweetie honey sugar dumpling, you didn’t have to wake him up. You could have gone to bed. Porsche wanted this next confrontation. He’s a little more on solid ground after admitting to himself that what happened, happened and then with Vegas showing him some attention, he’s facing the route of the issue – because Vegas isn’t who he wants the soft comfort from.

And then we see – Kinn had no idea, not really, how much he’s hurt Porsche. I mean he knew, but he didn’t really understand it until Porsche makes him look at exactly how much of an ass he’s been.

Then, Porsche, done with the bullshit in the house, issues a challenge.

Shit, because that’s Kinn’s biggest trigger right now. To assert authority, only to be challenged on it? He reacts to that first, not to any feelings involved. So, he’s puts Porsche in his place. It’s fucking harsh. Kinn's still operating on a different frequency to Porsche. That and he’s promised himself not to love.

I wonder what would have happened if Porsche had directly told him that he couldn’t stop thinking about him. That their night meant something, and all Kinn has managed to do is reinforce how very little it meant to Kinn. That Porsche just needs a little time to get past that and the other issues it brought up.

I swear, Kinn wouldn’t have known which way was up… and then Kinn would have followed him to his room to do with him what he couldn’t do with the escort, telling Porsche in actions rather than words – again – that it means something. Porsche would have welcomed him, deserved or not. Why? Because Porsche works on actions too – that and he’s a freaking empath. He’s got to be, he works with what he’s given.

It explains the scene with Vegas.

Vegas, you manipulative son of a bitch. You’re so good at twisting feelings. Porsche feeling abandoned and unsafe is a prime target. So, in slips Vegas like the snake he is, with his helmet and his soft compassion and the bike ride – a bike that looks just like Porsche’s, you stalker – knowing the issues with Kinn, knowing he’s the one who stirred up a hornets nest and drugged Porsche.

I saw a lot of people blowing up about this – the music was romantic, the bike ride like something out of a teen romance, Vegas was so loving and genuine, oh no!

I… just felt pity.

It’s the scene where liars lie to themselves and to each other.

Vegas has convinced himself that this is real. That the feelings of affection he’s displaying for Porsche, are real. That he’s befriending Porsche because Porsche needs to be saved from kinn and Vegas is a good guy for giving a shit. For liking Porsche. I am the yin to Kinn’s yang Porsche, I’m the good one: transfer your growing feelings for him to me – I’ll take care of them.

Just watch him. Look at his face. As if he’s touch starved. And what does Porsche freely offer? Exactly what he’s given: affection.

They both took affection from each other and that’s why it’s a lie. Porsche won’t be able to get passed what happened, not truly, not until Kinn opens to him. He needs that.

Just like Vegas will never get what he truly wants from Porsche, despite how he may feel about him.

Porsche can’t love Vegas because Vegas can’t give him what he needs - Vegas is a fraud. But since Vegas is obsessed with taking or usurping or just flat out hurting Kinn, whether it’s personal or Kinn’s his focus because he hates the main family, any feelings he already has are rapidly growing from that obsession and becoming infatuation. It’s easy to convince yourself that obsession is love. It’s self-defence. But is love really love when you don’t have the best interests of the object of your affections at heart?

Nuh uh.

So yes, I just felt sorry for them both.

At least Kinn, as horrible as it is to state, has tried to protect Porsche for Porsche's sake... it's just that Kinn's way of doing that is warped by his upbringing. Great.

It shines a light on the drugging scene too. Kinn kissed Porsche, so Vegas marked him. Now that Porsche has slept with Kinn, Vegas can step right on in – seriously, someone check on Kinn’s ex’s and oh’s already! I bet he’s slept with each of them.

He makes my skin crawl, but you can still feel that this is genuine for Vegas and how fucked is that?

But back to Kinn.

The thing about trust? When feelings are involved, you don’t always get to choose who you trust. Kinn leaves Porsche standing there after letting himself be controlled by his own fears and leaves behind the gun.

There was so much sexual and emotional tension in this scene, but I’m not surprised that they didn’t grab at each other. This is being saved for later on – I can freaking feel it. They wanted to throw us off a bit, get us to worry. Like I said earlier, with Kinn’s behaviour so far, being so forward and full on with Porsche would have felt insufficient without words and gestures. For now.

We need Kinn to garner enough strength through his connection to Porsche to defy his father. Or at least, not obey him. To say no. To challenge him. To be openly all over Porsche and as you can see, it’s not happening yet.

Seriously, what the hell is Korn’s agenda? Kim certainly doesn’t trust his own father – that or he discovered something recently that’s making him investigate his father’s actions. Daddy dearest is making all the wrong calls – he’s motivated Kim in some elusive way, he told Porsche to go home and think (seriously, what the frig are you doing - Porsche did nothing wrong) and Kinn…

Well Kinn knows he fucked up now. Several times. With Porsche, not his father. Despite him being the biggest dick in any room during his prior scene with Porsche, he goes looking for him, again, to make things right. He just doesn’t have the capability to make it right. He’s never been shown. It’s been so long since he’s been emotionally invested in anyone that he’s coming up short.

But in searching for Porsche he’s doing exactly what his father told him (without really telling him) not to do. Hallelujah. He’s already breaking a rule and- I just need to be a little shit and get this in: told you Kinn would break first 😉 – and he leaves in search of Porsche…

…Is that what this father wanted him to do? Am I alone in thinking Korn knew what was going to happen? Did Korn make this happen for some hidden reason?

I’m sure he didn’t mean for Kinn to be handcuffed to Porsche and for them to go off alone in the wilderness. But the attack…?

Anyway, Kinn attempts an apology and butchers it. It’s necessary and he knows it – how long has it been since Kinn had to be human like this in the face of a man who’s the most human on the show? It’s not good enough, but it’s a good start. Porsche knows it too. The fact that Kinn can admit he’s shit at this is a nice clue, but Porsche is entirely too interesting for me in this episode.

The boy is DARK. Deep, dark, demoralised and digesting.

That discomforting sequence where Porsche allows himself to fall into that memory - in the bathroom - as almost ugly in Its depth as it is beautiful. We were there with him, feeling how deeply he’s been touched and scarred and… well, if you really allow yourself to feel it, Porsche had a very good time with Kinn that night and it’s eating him up. How much he felt and the absence of it, including the response from Kinn, is tearing at him. Jesus, his acting…

Away, AWAY thoughts, need to finish!

Closing ideas:

I’m beyond excited for episode 6, but just a moment: the scene with Porsche and Pete. We might get a parallel of this further down the line, except Pete will be the injured party and Porsche will be there to offer advice that’s genuinely helpful as opposed to Pete’s hit and miss (almost had a heart attack when I thought Pete told him he’d been through the same with Tankhoun of all people).

Vegas and Korn are definitely related. They're too good at manipulation.

Porsche has been through the emotional grinder from the start and with each episode it seems to get worse. Hopefully episode 6 won’t have him dealing with it alone.

That they didn't shy away from what happened was EVERYTHING - but they've also left some aside for later.

Anyone think Porshce’s going to let rip at Ken and Big soon? I know they were following orders but they haven’t liked him from the start and I don’t see it improving. They seem to take enjoyment in crushing him and- no. Not happy with that.

Porsche was on point in this episode – he saw a lot, as if tapping into feelings he wasn’t used to sharpened him and I’m just going to leave that right there.

Both of them avoiding bringing up the fantastic, world altering sex made me laugh. Idiots. But even in a perfect world, neither has professed to care for the other - romantically speaking - and neither seem to understand romance anyway. They don’t owe each other shit, save courtesy.

I mean, of course they're each other's already but they have to get there themselves. the whole point of this episode was to showcase that progression and to make it agonising. They didn't hold back and I'm so glad for that.

Part of Kinn’s journey in the show might be to circumvent not just his father’s oppression of him, but also the judgement and rules and divisions of the world around him; including the mafia way. To paraphrase and completely butcher something Ang Lee once said, it isn’t love and our preferences that kill us: it’s the expectations of a rigid society that can’t house us as individuals - that we have ironically created – that do so. It’s the most important, always, that we remain true to ourselves.

Eventually Kinn will defy his father. He’ll chose Porsche. But that’s a while off.

Still, this show is freaking raw. It hurt and it gave and it impacted like punches.

I should have added this from the start - the chemistry and tension between Kinn and Porsche in this episode was off the charts. That's rare.

The scene where Porsche is feeling absolutely everything and then some? If Kinn had been there, seeing that? You bet your ass he'd have responded with all the comfort because he'd finally grasp the depth of issue here.

[seijorhi]

Bully ~ Part II

Oikawa Tooru x female reader (+ Iwaizumi Hajime)

TW dub/non-con, bullying, slight degradation, voyeurism, filming, implied abuse, one mention of slapping, nsfw

Part I

‘Honey, it’s your choice. Whatever you decide to do, we’ll respect.’

The final whistle sounds, the team gathering up in a huddle and with a sigh you dutifully close your books and begin to pack them away into your bag. They still have to pull down all the nets and tidy up, but that never takes too long and the sooner you’re all out of here the better.

The sooner you can get away from them, the better.

It’s become routine at this point for you to slowly make your way down to the edge of the court while they duck into the locker room; the other third years acknowledging you with friendly enough smiles, the underclassmen no longer staring at you in vague confusion. 

But at this point you’re truly beyond caring what any of them think of your relationship with their Captain. 

Except instead of filing out like the rest of his teammates, Oikawa’s still on the far side of the court, trapped in a conversation with Coach Irihata and Mizoguchi. For a split second, his attention shifts towards you, lingering awkwardly by the big double doors, and you think you catch a flicker of irritation in his eyes – which is unusual, considering that he’s made this game his life and he has nothing but the greatest respect for both of the men before him. 

But it doesn’t really matter, you suppose. You’ll wait for him, whether it’s five minutes or fifty and he’ll either tell you what’s pissing him off, or he won’t and he’ll end up using you to work out his frustrations anyway.

With your parents away for the rest of the week and your house otherwise empty, you can only pray to any god that’ll listen that he won’t try and spend the night. Not that there’s much you can do to stop him, but a girl can dream, right?

The others are heading off, Makki laughing off some biting comment from Kyoutani, but you pay them no mind. Despite being the people you now spend the majority of your time with, they’re not your friends. 

You resign yourself to trudging back up into the stands to wait for Oikawa to finish up when a hand gently wraps around your arm, spinning you around. You start, every muscle in your body tensing on instinct, but as you come face to face with familiar olive eyes you relax – it’s only Iwa.

He regards you silently for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face before he glances over your shoulder to where Oikawa’s still talking with the coaches. 

“C’mon, they’ll be a while, I think. Let me walk you home.”

His place is almost a fifteen minute walk from yours, but you don’t bother trying to bring that up. Instead, you just shrug, shifting the strap of the bag slung over your shoulder, “It’s fine. I don’t need an escort, you know, it’s not that late.”

Maybe it’d be nice for once, walking home without Oikawa’s looming presence over your shoulder. You’re almost positive that he’ll still come by afterwards, especially because he knows as well as you do that there’s nobody to interrupt tonight, but you’ll take the tiny wins when you can.

Besides, you only have to stick it out a little while longer. 

Still holding onto your arm, Iwa’s eyebrows draw together into a slight frown and he bites back a sigh, “Shittykawa’ll throw a hissy-fit if I let you walk home alone tonight. C’mon.”

He’s not asking, you realise belatedly as he firmly but gently starts to lead you out of the gym, not sparing his best friend another glance. And you could probably dig your heels in and kick up a fuss and he’d probably let you go – at least, you think he would. He would, right? He’d listen if you asked him to stop – but what’s the point?

Nobody here actually cares what you want anymore.

Iwa’s different, you suppose. You don’t really know why. He’s just as complicit as the others, maybe even more so – he at least knows what’s going on, even if he refuses to acknowledge it or do anything about it… but that’s not entirely true, is it?

He’s the one to step in when Oikawa starts to take things too far in public. He’s the one to scare off your would be bullies, snarling and glaring at them from his place at your side. Iwa’s the reason you haven’t lost it completely, the one keeping your head above water. He’s a friend you suppose, or at least the closest thing Oikawa’ll let you have anymore.

He’s certainly the only one Tooru trusts with you whenever he’s not around, hence you haven’t heard any indignant shouts from the gym following in your wake despite the grip he has on you.

And Iwa is nice, in his own way. He cares about you, you think – or he cares enough to pretend for Oikawa’s sake. Either way, at least you know he won’t try to pull you down an alleyway and force you to suck his cock, so compared to your other options, he’s definitely the lesser of two evils. 

It’s quiet as the two of you walk, and you find yourself thankful for it. Oikawa’s always talking, he never shuts up, his incessant chatter shattering every moment of quiet, peaceful solitude you try to steal for yourself. 

And tonight, tonight your head’s already too full to pretend to play along with some semblance of chipper friendliness. 

Maybe that’s why you like Iwaizumi; you don’t have to pretend with him. He knows exactly what Oikawa is, and he’s too intelligent to believe that you’re content spending every waking moment by the setter’s side, much less that you genuinely love him. 

It’s a nice night, at least – there’s barely any clouds in the sky. You can see the stars glittering in the inky, midnight blue, and it’s peaceful, you think, with Iwa strolling quietly along beside you. 

Even when the breeze starts to pick up, the late summer night air nipping at your exposed skin. Your jacket’s folded up and shoved somewhere towards the bottom of your bag, but you honestly can’t be bothered to stop and ferret for it. 

“You’re cold,” Iwa states after a beat. Again, not a question.

Nevertheless, you shake your head. “I’m fine,” you reply, perhaps a little tersely, but he’s already shrugging off his own jacket and draping it over your shoulders. Oikawa would do the same thing, more out of a perverse sense of enjoyment from seeing you wearing his clothes than a genuine sense of concern over your comfort.

Still, you don’t fight Iwa on it, pulling his jacket tighter over your body. It’s warm, his lingering body heat making your own cheeks burn a little, and it smells like him, too. Musky, yes, but there’s something almost comforting about the fresh, woodsy scent.

Silence resumes between the two of you, but you feel the weight of his stare as the two of you wander along the path. Iwaizumi’s always been perceptive, more so than most give him credit for, and it’s only another few minutes before he speaks again.

“You’re quiet tonight.”

You hum noncommittally, staring resolutely at the concrete sidewalk rather than meet his pointed gaze. 

He huffs. “You gonna tell me what’s bothering you or not?” he tries again, the sheer bluntness almost enough to make you flinch.

“And what makes you think there’s anything bothering me?” you reply dully, kicking at the small little pebble on the pathway in front of you.

Iwa stiffens just a fraction, but you feel it – the shift in the air between the two of you. It’s the truth you won’t speak, the one he won’t acknowledge. Of course there’s something bothering you; this whole fucked up situation between the three of you. It’s not normal, it’s not healthy, surely he sees that, how the hell can he–

“Cut the bullshit,” he snaps. “You think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been acting lately? Something’s up, and if you think I’m the only one who’s paying attention…” he trails off, and suddenly his hand’s catching at yours, pulling you to a stop.

And when finally you drag your eyes up to meet his, your heartbeat quickens at the scowl written across his face, plain as day. 

“I’m not talking about… that. Did he–” he hesitates, biting down on his lip and you honestly don’t know whether you want to laugh or cry. “Something’s up.”

You could probably tell him to mind his own business, and part of you almost wants to. He might even listen, though he wouldn’t be happy about it, but the thing is, you’re just so tired. Tired of playing girlfriend for Oikawa, tired of being dragged along against your will, manhandled and fucked at every opportunity, tired of pretending that this is in any way okay, and you just want to finally give in and admit it out loud.

You want this to be over, and it’s so close you can almost fucking taste it. 

So you breathe deep, forcing yourself to relax. “My mom got a job in Tokyo. My parents… they’re leaving at the end of next week. Moving. It’s why they haven't been around much lately.”

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows furrow into a frown as he takes a second to absorb the information. “And… you? We only have a few months left until we graduate.”

You allow him a wry smile. “I know. They gave me a choice, I’m eighteen, I can stay here in the house by myself, finish up the year and graduate at Aoba Johsai before moving down with them…”

“Or?” he prods.

“Or,” you continue, “or I can go now. There’s some really good schools down there, I could have my pick. It’ll be a struggle, I know, transferring so late in the term, but–”

Iwaizumi scoffs, cutting you off, “But you’re not actually gonna go, right? You can’t just pack up and leave so close to graduation. You’re staying here in Miyagi.” 

He almost sounds angry– the muscle in his jaw’s twitching and as you stare at him you realise that he doesn’t sound angry; he is angry. His whole body’s tensed like he’s preparing for a fight, and it takes you by surprise. 

Sure, he’s pretty much the only person outside of Oikawa that you’d consider yourself to have any kind of relationship with anymore, but you’d never really thought he’d actually–

“Iwa,” you say gently, “I was gonna go to Tokyo after graduation anyway. Sure, it’s not exactly an ideal situation, but…” 

But it’s your chance to get away from all of this, from Oikawa, and you’re gonna take it and run. Whether or not Tokyo University accepts you, whether it means you have to work three times as hard to adjust to a new school’s curriculum just so you won’t completely flunk your final exams. 

It can’t be any worse than this.

He has to understand that. 

And really, what did he think was going to happen after graduation? You know Oikawa’s plans, and you’ll be damned if you let him ruin your life anymore than he already has, dragging you halfway across the world. You belong here, in Japan. Oikawa can go chase his pipe dreams on his own. 

He swallows tightly, and while the pinched scowl on his face doesn’t falter, his grip on your wrist eases just a fraction. “You were really just gonna leave without telling anybody?” he asks, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

“Who would I tell?”

—

Sure enough, it’s a little after midnight when your bedroom door sweeps open and Oikawa strides in like he owns the place. You watch through half lidded eyes as he starts to shed his clothes, stripping off and tossing them haphazardly onto the floor until he’s just in his boxers. 

He doesn’t say much as he lifts the covers and climbs into bed beside you, merely presses a surprisingly gentle kiss to your cheek, murmuring a quiet, ‘Just sleep, cutie,’ when you try to shift away from him.

He sounds tired, exhausted really, but you don’t care enough to comment, relieved more than anything that tonight he doesn’t seem to have the energy for more. There’d been some part of you that was worried that Iwa might have told him about the walk home – the secrets you’d unthinkingly entrusted to him – but he can’t have. There’s no possible way Oikawa would be so calm right now if he had. 

And Iwa wouldn’t do something like that in the first place. 

It might not have been the most traditional of friendships, and you know he’s still a little pissed off with your decision and the fact you had no intentions of telling him, but Iwa wouldn’t break your trust like that. 

And so with Oikawa’s arms wrapped around your middle, the warmth of his chest pressed up against your back, you allow sleep to claim you once more.

—

You hardly see him the following morning. 

There’s no sign of him when you wake up, though his side of the bed is still warm – you know he likes to run in the mornings; he probably ran home to shower before school. And if you’re grateful to Aoba Johsai for anything, it’s for putting the two of you in separate classes. You’re spared his presence and those of his mooney eyed fangirls, and you can actually focus on learning. Or try to, at least.

Iwa regards you with an unreadable expression when you take your usual seat at the desk next to his, but at least he doesn’t seem as pissed off as he was when he left you last night. You only have a week and a half left until you go, but considering he’s the closest thing you have to a friend anymore, you’re not sure how you would survive if he suddenly decided to give you the cold shoulder.

Still, he is quieter than usual as you both settle into class, and you can’t help your gaze from flickering over to him throughout the lesson, an uncomfortable pit settling into your stomach. Iwa doesn’t so much as look your way, busying himself in copying down the notes the teacher’s scrawling on the board.

You honestly didn’t expect him to be hurt, and as he brushes past you on his way out after the bell rings you begin to doubt whether you should have told him at all. It stings, more than you expect.

Yet the moment you try to follow him, calling out his name, a familiar figure steps in front of you, halting you in your tracks. 

“Hey, cutie,” Oikawa purrs, grinning down at you as he reaches out to tuck a stray lock of hair back behind your ear. “I’ve missed you today. Come on, let’s go somewhere a little quieter.”

His fingers are laced with yours, tugging you along before you can even try to voice a protest. You both know you wouldn’t anyway, not anymore. 

Just like you don’t speak up when instead of dragging you outside to the courtyard, or even to the gym, he chooses an empty classroom, kicking the door shut behind him. 

There’s a question on the tip of your tongue, but you don’t have a chance to voice it as he grabs you by the collar of your shirt and smashes his lips to yours. 

Oikawa usually likes to take his time, to drag out your humiliation and reluctant pleasure as he toys with you, but today he wastes no time in shoving you back up against one of the desk, his fingers already yanking down your necktie and prying your lilac shirt open – buttons scattering as it rips.

“Tooru–” you gasp, panic flaring, but his lips curl into a smirk as he forces you back into another kiss.

“Quiet now, cutie, let me take care of my pretty girl, hm?” he growls between panting breaths. “You don’t want somebody stumbling in and interrupting us, do you?”

And your chest tightens, squeezing around your lungs like a vice, your gaze flickering back to the door – shut but not locked.

“Tooru,” you whisper again in a panic, clutching at the lapels of his blazer as he draws back enough to level a gaze at your chest, bare save for the virginal white lace bra you’d unthinkingly chosen that morning. 

His grin widens, but there’s something cold and utterly unflinching in his eyes as they flicker up to meet yours. “Lean back,” he tells you.

You shake your head, “I d-don’t–”

His hands are on your shoulders, abruptly shoving you backwards. “I said,” he coos as you sprawl back onto the wooden desktop with a startled squeak, “lean back for me.”

It’s been months since you’ve fought him, but as he flips up your skirt, fingers grazing possessively along the cotton of your panties and he sighs contentedly, sheer panic floods your system, overwhelming your better judgement. Before you can stop yourself your knees come up as you desperately scramble to right yourself, to put an end to this–

The slap to your cheek isn’t all that forceful, at least not compared to what you know him to be capable of, but it still takes you by surprise, the sharp, burning sting only registering as the shock of the blow fades.

Oikawa’s no longer grinning, his face twisted into a terrifying glare as wide, teary eyes stare back up at him. “Baby, you’re really testing me right now. You want to act like a disobedient little bitch, kick up a fuss, bring everybody running so they can see what a needy little whore you are, spread out on the table for me?” He snatches at your panties, harshly wrenching them down your now prone legs with one hand, the other reaching for his belt buckle, “You think you have a choice here? You think I give a fuck what you want?”

Your ears are ringing, the sound of your own heartbeat drowning out almost everything else.

It’s not the first time he’s hit you, or even the hardest, but with that one slap all the fight you have left just dissipates. You don’t even flinch when he spits directly onto your pussy, his thumb harshly spreading his saliva over your cunt – you just bite down on your lip to stifle the sob that threatens to burst.

And victory shines bright in his eyes at the sight of it. 

“Good girl, you know who this pretty pussy belongs to, don’t you?” he croons with saccharine sweetness, even leaning over to press a tender, affectionate kiss to your swollen lips. 

And you’d squeeze your eyes shut and try to imagine that you’re somewhere else, anywhere else if you didn’t know how much he hates it when you do. So instead, you lie there pliant and trembling, humiliation burning hot as he spreads your legs, pressing your thighs back towards your chest as he slots himself in between them.

“You look so good like this, you know?” he muses with a soft little chuckle as he leisurely strokes his cock, letting the flushed tip brush teasingly along your folds, nudging at your clit. “Prettiest little thing, and all mine, aren’t you, cutie.”

Tears well and spill soundlessly down your cheek, but your only answering is the hiccuping breath you draw in, your fingers finding purchase on the edges of the desk as he guides it back to your entrance.

It doesn’t matter that you’re not nearly ready for him, that his spit and the pre-cum that’s beading at his slit isn’t going to help ease his passage in the slightest. He’ll fuck you how he wants to – and you’re too broken to try and stop him.

Yet instead of savagely plunging in like you expect him to, Oikawa stills, regarding you with a tilted head and a cruel smirk. 

“Fuck,” he curses quietly, the sound almost reverent as he stares down at you. He shakes his head, another soft laugh bubbling out, “I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of seeing you like this, but if you’re going to be running off on me so soon, maybe I should take a little memento, what do you think cutie?”

Your stomach drops, dread creeping down your spine as Oikawa reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, opening up the camera and flicking it across to video. 

“I mean if this is going to be our last time together, don’t you think we should make it special?” You jerk, your breath coming out in short, harsh pants but you can’t move, can’t seem to lift a single finger as he leans in closer, bringing his lips to your ear, “That way we both have something to remember this by.”

And as his breath ghosts the tiny hairs on the shell of your ear he laughs again, pressing another quick kiss to your flushed, tear stained cheek. “Aw, don’t cry, cutie. You brought this on yourself.”

You don’t have a moment to prepare yourself, his hand slamming over your lips to muffle your shrieks as he thrusts his hips forward, sheathing himself in your tight little cunt with a choked moan.

“F-fuck, baby,” he grits out, biting down on his own lip as he relishes the vice like grip your pussy has on his throbbing cock, “Smile for the camera.”

Your back arcs up off the table, fingernails digging into the wood as he draws his hips back slowly, letting you feel every inch of his cock as it drags along your walls until it’s only the tip that remains inside of you.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts – a sharp and throbbing pain that only grows with each passing second. 

There’s something sadistic in his grin as he angles the phone down to where your bodies meet, your lewdly spread thighs, your glistening pussy in perfect view as another glob of saliva joins the first, pooling over your sex, sliding down his cock.

“You have no idea how perfect your pussy feels, baby,” he pants, slowly filling you up once more – your own wails stifled by his hand. “You’re mine, all fucking mine, aren’t you?”

There’s no hiding from the camera as he fucks you, slowly at first, but picking up his pace as the slick starts to build, your warm, velvety walls sucking him in deeper, squelching obscenely with every thrust. And between the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass – skin hitting skin as he fucks you roughly without care – and Tooru’s own satisfied moans, your muffled whimpers and cries go unheard. 

And just when you think your humiliation is complete, he takes his hand from your mouth, his thumb returning to your clit, teasing at the sensitive nub with slow, measured circles that have you keening, shaking beneath him as he stuffs you full. Slowly but surely that searing ache gives way to pleasure, a slight shift of his hips and his cock’s hitting that sweet spot he’s all too familiar with – and another strangled moan slips out.

“You gonna cum for me, pretty girl?”

You shake your head, fingernails digging into the wood, biting down harshly to keep yourself quiet as you feel that familiar heat pooling in your core, wanton pleasure flickering through you with every swipe of his fingers, every harsh thrust.

“No? You sure about that?” he laughs at the desperate whine that slips from your lips, “I wanna hear it, baby. Cum for me.”

But you can’t, you can’t make a sound, the door’s not locked, the door’s not locked and anybody could walk in any second, but you can feel it coming, your legs shaking and toes curling as your control slips–

“Cum,” Oikawa demands, his own voice a husky, shivering growl, and this time you’re helpless but to obey.

Your orgasm crashes into you like a wave, suddenly sweeping your legs out from under you. You arc up off the table once more, white hot pleasure exploding as you shiver and quake, your pussy clamping down on his cock and gushing as he fucks you relentlessly through it, chasing his end while drawing out your own.

And you’re so lost in the bliss, the pleasurable rippling aftershocks short circuiting your system that you don’t even realise that he’s pulled himself out of your cunt, stroking his slicked up cock with harsh pants–

Not until you feel the hot spurts of his cum hitting your stomach, a choked moan resembling your name shattering the fuzzy afterglow, dragging you harshly back down to reality.

There’s a twisted, self satisfied smirk on his face as he watches the cold realisation sink in, your eyes filling with fresh tears as your gaze flickers between him and the phone in his hand, still filming.

“You’re not leaving me,” he says, still a little breathless. “You’re mine. Isn’t that right, Iwa?”

No.

Please god, no.

Blood drains from your face, the pit in your stomach plummeting as his smirk widens and he turns his head to glance over his shoulder. You don’t want to look, can’t bear to, but it’s like trying to rip your eyes away from a car crash; your body moves with a will of its own. Heart pounding, nausea churning in your gut, you follow his gaze to find Iwaizumi by the door; jaw tight, arms folded across his chest, staring impassively back at you.

And that last little piece of you breaks.

[stormyoceansmain]

Have you read any 911 fics? If so, 5 top fics?

i did start to go through the buddie tag on AO3, but tbh it's been a very slow process and i haven't read that many fics yet, so it kinda feels unfair to make a top 5 for them when there are still so many i haven't even get the chance to explore ;;;;;;;;; i don't want to leave this unanswered though, especially since you were so kind to ask, so how about i do.. top 5 fics i saved in my 'marked for later' section that im most excited to read? i hope it's okay anyway!!

1) ripples all the way down

With some coercion, Buck allows Maddie to set him up on a date. Surprisingly, the date goes well — and it keeps his mind off the unnamable feelings he’s been studiously ignoring for his best friend.

Until Christopher’s science report on gentoo penguins — no, seriously — sets off a series of events that has him somehow spending more time at the Diazes’ side, and he feels like he’s going just a little bit insane trying to juggle a burgeoning relationship, his jealousy over Eddie’s own new relationship with Ana, and his inability to move on from the place that’s been his for three years in the Diazes’ lives.

Oh, and Eddie keeps looking at him like he has something to say — except he never says it.

This is the tumultuous road to finding out what Buck truly wants, paved by pebbles.

--

or; christopher partakes in some parent trapping

2) at the end of the day we’re helpless (can you keep me close?)

The thing about Eddie was that he was smarter than most people gave him credit for. And yes, maybe feelings weren't his strongest suit, but he had to be blind not to realize his own for his best friend. It was old news, really.

or Eddie is aware that he's in love with Buck. He is just trying to be a good friend and, well, if that includes telling him how much he is loved and appreciated? He can be cool about it.

3) standing on the brink of emptiness

In which Eddie is struggling in the aftermath of being shot, learning how to take care of himself and realising he's in love with Buck; and Buck is dating Taylor, taking care of Eddie and Christopher and trying to figure out why he's so goddamn confused about everything.

4) Don't Take the Money

“You know, being stuck here isn’t actually the end of the world,” Chimney says, coming up to the table and picking up one of the smoke detectors. “It just feels like it, Buck. Trust me, I know.” “I’m pretty sure it might actually be the end of the world,” Buck says. “Considering this is the sixth time I’ve lived this day.” Chimney stares at him for a beat and then his eyebrows lift. “Wait, are you like – dude, are you in Groundhog Day?”

OR

The post-lawsuit time-loop AU literally no one asked for.

5) i want your midnights

Eddie grins. “Yeah I get that. So can I ask why you applied for the room? No offence but you’re not exactly the kind of candidate I expected.”

Buck laughs, ducking his head. That’s probably true.

“I, uh, I’ve been staying at my girlfriend’s place while she’s travelling but um, my sister moved to LA recently and sort of made the point that I could be overstaying my welcome? Or, well- actually she tried to tell me my girlfriend’s cheating on me and I need to get over it and move out of her place.” Buck shakes his head, eyes widening at what he just implied. “She’s not! Cheating, I mean. She’s just- trying to find herself after losing her mom. She just needs a little space, y’know?”

At least, that’s the excuse Buck’s giving Abby for why she hasn’t called him in over two weeks.

Eddie nods with a vague sort of expression on his face like he hadn’t expected him to overshare that much. Which, oops.

*

In which Eddie decides to rent out his spare room to help with mortgage repayments right around the time Buck decides to move out of Abby's place after some not so gentle prodding from Maddie. It's a coincidence. Or serendipity. Or maybe just really good timing.

[donteattheappleshook]

It Was Only a Kiss 1 /3

Summary:

Neverland may kill her. If it’s not her fear for Henry, then it will her exhaustion, or her doubt, or the overwhelming despair that she’ll never get out of here alive, that she’ll fail her son, that she’ll fail everyone. There’s only one thing she’s found that can silence it all, that can make her feel real again. She shouldn’t be seeking comfort in Hook. She shouldn’t, but she does. It was only a kiss. That was all it was supposed to be. But now that she’s started, she doesn’t think she can stop. Not now that she knows what it’s like. 

Rated E. 

Also available on Ao3

My first entry for the @neverlandnewyear​ 

Disclaimer: @elizabeethan and I are very aware that we are basically writing the same story. This is how the event started. A big thank you to Elizabeth for betaing this fic and to @xhookswenchx as well for letting me brainstorm out loud with you guys. 

***

Part One: Neverland

It had all started with a kiss. That was all it was supposed to be. Just a kiss; a one time thing. She’d been feeling good, she’d been relieved, he’d saved her father’s life for god’s sake. What she hadn’t expected was that kissing him would make her feel better- would make her feel like, for a second, things would stay better. For a whole thirty seconds, she’d forgotten that she was trapped in fucking Neverland, that her son was missing, that her parents were breathing down her neck, constantly giving her these sad desperate eyes, begging for mother daughter bonding time or ready to offer up speeches about hope. 

No, for thirty goddamn seconds- for the first time in months- she’d just been Emma Swan and he’d just been Captain Hook and nothing else had mattered. It had been addictive, that feeling, that relief, the rushing of her blood and the turning in her stomach being brought on by excitement and desire rather than fear and anxiety. So she’d shut it down. “Don’t follow me,” she’d ordered, afraid of what might happen if he did, of what she’d do. She couldn’t start flirting and making out with Hook, or doing anything else with him for that matter. Not while her son was out there, not if she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stop. 

To his credit, he respects her wishes. He waits a whole twenty minutes before returning to camp, arms full of firewood. She doesn’t miss the nod her father gives him and it raises a strange sort of satisfaction in her. She doesn’t know exactly what went on between them on their little adventure but this is the first time David hasn’t glared daggers at him since they met. When Hook’s eyes meet hers though, she swears the whole damn camp must feel the tension between them. 

Her body stiffens, that twisting in her gut coming back in a mix of the good and the bad now, but he doesn’t say anything. He only smiles at her a little sadly before dumping the wood into the fire pit so Regina can light it. Then he takes a seat across the camp, as far from her as he can manage and pulls out his flask. She only realises she’s staring when she catches herself watching his throat as he swallows. Stop. 

“We should turn in,” she says, noting how dark it is suddenly. Hadn’t it been midday less than an hour ago? Does time even exist on this island where it seems to both stand still and move too fast? 

“Aye,” Hook says, nodding and returning his flask to his pocket. “I’ll take the first watch.” She almost expects her parents or even Regina to protest, but to her surprise no one does. 

As they set about unrolling the bed mats, she can’t help but glance over at him. Something is… off. She’s not sure what it is, but he’s quiet. Way too quiet. Normally she can’t get him to stop talking- one innuendo or flirtatious comment after another- but now, nothing. 

When she glances over again, he’s watching her, eyes boring into her like he’s trying to burn a hole through her and still, there’s that sadness, that regret. That’s what it looks like: regret. Does he regret kissing her? After all his quips about fancying her and the little playful smirks, has he changed his mind? 

She focuses back on what she’s doing. Who cares if he regrets it? She should regret it. It was a stupid idea. Her son is here. Everyday he gets further and further away from her. She knows how easy it is to start believing you’ve been abandoned. How easy it is to slide into the role of an orphan, to build walls. The thought of Henry feeling any of what she spent her whole childhood feeling - it kills her and that unpleasant twisting in her gut is back, the one that makes her want to vomit. She doesn’t know how to get rid of it, how to stop it. 

Well, she does know one way. But she can’t do that. Not again. She tells herself that over and over again. She can’t. She tells herself that as she lays down on her mat. She tells herself as she listens to Regina complain about sleeping in the forest. She tells herself as she hears her parents whispering sickeningly sweet nothings to each other.  She tells herself again as she hears everyone’s breathing even out and the jungle goes quiet- she can’t. But they’re all asleep. Well, everyone except her. Everyone except her and Hook. 

She hears him sigh, a deep, heavy thing, and she turns over to face him. She can’t see him well in the dark but she can make out that his head has fallen into his hand, and can picture him running it through his hair in frustration. Even from here, she can sense how tense he is. 

His hand scrubs over his face and he lets out another one of those sighs, this one angrier, and stands suddenly to cross the small space quickly, pacing back and forth. He reaches a tree then and she jumps as he strikes it. 

She must have made a sound because his head snaps towards her, clearly on high alert, and it makes her feel a little better having him keeping watch. His shoulders relax when he realises it was her and not some lost boy trying to find his way into the camp. 

She meets his eyes in the dark. Even in the blackness of the night, she can feel his stare heavy on hers and her heart hammers against her ribcage. She shuts her eyes tight, determined to just stop thinking about everything- about him, about Henry, about Pan,- and just sleep, but sleep doesn’t come. Instead, she finds more fears, more worries, more doubts, and soon she’s sitting up, scrubbing a hand over her own face. 

The tell tale sound of his flask being opened makes her turn to look at him as he drinks deeply from it before leaning against the tree he’d struck earlier. His head falls back against it as another sigh leaves him. There’s a long silence, the jungle is heavy and quiet as the dead, not even a rustling of wind or a chirping cricket, and it sends a shiver down her spine. 

He doesn’t say anything, but after a moment, he raises his arm while holding the flask out in her direction. She only hesitates for a moment- she shouldn’t do this. She shouldn’t have a midnight drink with Hook. She shouldn’t want to ask him what’s wrong. Shouldn’t want him to ask her what’s wrong. 

She shouldn’t, but she does anyway. 

Emma takes the flask from him and swallows a mouthful, wondering for a moment how it could still be full. Knowing him, it’s probably enchanted. The rum feels good as it burns down her throat, settling hot in her stomach. She takes another drink. 

She hands it back to him finally and he takes it, his fingers closing over hers around the bottle, and she looks up at him with a sharp inhale. Neither of them move even though every fiber in her body is telling her to step closer. Or to run away. She nearly does, nearly uses their shared grip to pull him closer, nearly turns and heads back to her mat to fein sleep. 

But then he drops his hand, taking the bottle with him, and she regains her senses. This is Hook, she reminds herself. He’s one of the bad guys, or he was. She’s not even sure anymore. But he still hasn’t said anything, and it’s starting to worry her. Here they are, almost alone in the dark, drinking together, and he hasn’t so much as raised an eyebrow at her. Surely he can’t regret kissing her that much. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks finally, the words falling out of her mouth of their own free will. 

“Nothing.” 

“I don’t believe you,” she pushes. 

He shrugs, taking another drink. “You don’t have to.” 

“Hook.”

“Swan,” he repeats and she rolls her eyes. That makes him smile a little at least. “Why are you up?” he asks, turning the question on her. 

“Can’t sleep,” she says simply, taking the flask from him again. It’s definitely enchanted. 

“Why not?” he pushes and when she doesn’t answer, he grins at her a little. Fine. They can keep their secrets. “Funny thing about Neverland,” he says then, and she looks at him wearily. “The ones who’ve always known love sleep soundly. It’s the ones who’ve been left behind who can’t find rest. That’s why you hear the Lost Boys at night.” She straightens her shoulders, her jaw clenching. Open book, he’d said. He nods, like she’s confirmed something. “So you do hear them.”   

“How’s your hand?” she snaps, changing the subject. He doesn’t seem so restful himself.

“Which one?” he asks and she’s relieved to hear the teasing slipping back into his tone. Instead of answering, she takes another drink. He flexes his fingers a few times, turning his hand over to look at his knuckles. 

“I’ve had worse,” he tells her, gesturing vaguely with his hook and she nearly chokes on the rum. He smirks and takes the bottle back when she hands it over. “You should sleep, Swan. Get some rest.” 

“Yeah, well,” is all she can say. She’d love to sleep, but as long as Henry’s out there… Another silence hangs between them. “He’ll be alright,” Killian says then, and her heart swells into her throat, her voice coming out cracked and weak when she speaks. She wonders if Henry’s sleeping tonight, or if he already feels like a lost boy. 

“How do you know?” 

“If he’s anything like his father,” he starts and then looks at the ground for a moment before meeting her gaze again. “If he’s anything like you, then I’ve no doubt he can outwit Pan long enough for us to find him. He’s brave, Swan. You taught him well. I know a survivor when I see one.” 

And that’s it. She breaks. A sob bursts from her chest, her hand snapping up to cover her mouth as every horrible thought she’s had since they got here- every thought she’s pushed down and refused to face- comes rushing to the surface. 

She didn’t teach him. Any bravery, any survival drive he has isn’t because of her. She left him. She abandoned him. She left him to fend for himself in a world that she knew was nothing but cruel. She’s only known him a year. And if this year is all she gets with him, if Pan wins, if he takes Henry from her… She can’t lose him, not when she’s only just found him.

She struggles to muffle her cries, desperate not to wake her parents but unable to stop herself now. She can’t handle another speech about hope, about good always winning. Not when they’re so close to finding Henry but just as close to losing him forever. Good doesn’t always win; life’s proved that to her over and over again. If she’d kept him, if she’d just held him that one time, he wouldn’t be here at all. He’d be safe. He’d be with her. There wouldn’t be any magic or villains or monsters to threaten him. This is her fault. She can’t lose him. 

Hook only hesitates a moment before he’s pulling her into his arms, cradling the back of her head in his hand and letting her tears seep into his shirt and his chest, letting her silence her cries against the leather of his coat. Her fingers find the chain on his neck and twist around it for something to hang onto, something to ground her. 

He doesn’t say a word and she’s grateful for it. There’s nothing he could say that could make this better. Everything hurts. Her chest burns from strain and fear and she can’t stop thinking, can’t stop crying, though that’s all she wants. She wants it to stop, all of it. She wants to stop hurting. She wishes she’d never come to Storybrooke, wishes she’d never broken the fucking curse, wishes she’d never seen Neal again and let him and Tamara and all this fucking magic and madness into Henry’s life. He’d have been better off without them- without her. 

Her sobs slow after what feels like hours, all the energy drained from her body, but the pain won’t go away. She may have run out of tears to shed, but the fear and self-loathing are still wracking her body, making her shake as she holds tighter to Hook’s necklace, her other hand finding the fabric of his shirt and bunching it in her fist. 

She can hear him shushing her softly, his lips pressing against her temple as she trembles again. The sharp pain in her chest morphs into an ache that fills both of her lungs, suffocating her, drowning her. It overwhelms her, the grief, as though she’ll never be happy again. She imagines this is what it’s like to have her heart ripped out. She wonders if that would hurt less.

She just wants it all to stop. She can’t take it, feels like she’s going to crumble under the weight of it. She just needs something good. Just one fucking good thing, one good feeling. She turns her face into Hook's neck, seeking the warmth of his skin against her drying cheeks and the comfort of his soothing phrases breathed against her ear. She just wants it to stop. She just wants to feel something else, wants to know she still can feel something else. 

She slides her hand from the chain at his chest up to his neck and pulls him down enough so she can press her lips to his. It’s messy and desperate, but he lets her kiss him, lets her fist her fingers in his hair and slide her tongue past his lips, and slowly, the pain is overtaken by this new ache that he stirs in her. It’s not enough, though. His hand is at her hip but she needs it everywhere, she needs him to erase every thought and feeling with his mouth and his hand and his hook. She needs him to make everything go away like he did earlier. She just needs more.

Her lips find his jaw and his neck, trailing heady, open-mouth kisses to his collarbone, and she hears his strangled moan as he catches his lip between his teeth, his breath panting above her. 

“Emma,” he whispers, and she knows he thinks they should stop. The others are right there. But like he said, they can sleep soundly. “Emma, wait,” he says, a little desperately as she pushes him back against the tree. But she doesn’t listen. She shuts him up with her mouth on his as her hands reach for the few measly buttons he actually bothered to fasten. Her fingers undo them quickly and move to his belt before he stops her with his hook on her wrist. “Emma, I - I can’t…” 

“What?” she demands to know. Why can’t he? She knows he wants to, she can feel the evidence pressing against her stomach through his leathers, and while his hook may have stopped her, his hand has a death grip on her hip. His head falls back against the tree.

“I have to tell you something,” he says, and she can tell from his tone that she won’t like it; that it’ll hurt. She doesn’t want that. She’s had enough of that. She just wants him. 

“I don’t want to know.” She shakes her head and tugs him closer, and he lets out a sound that’s close to a whine.

She knew kissing him was dangerous; even as she pulls him back to her and kisses him again, she feels the rush of relief from the exhilaration and she knows she’s already hooked. She craves him and the release she knows he can bring her. “Please,” she says pathetically against his lips.

He doesn’t stop her from kissing him, but he doesn’t move until she reaches for his belt again and he stops her once more. She nearly lets out a cry of frustration, as she snaps her head back to glare at him. He barely gives her a second to be truly angry before his hand grasps the back of her neck and he kisses her like he’s drowning, like she’s the air he needs to breathe. 

He turns her, pushing her back against the tree behind her as he tilts her head so he can open her mouth and find her tongue with his own. She moans softly against his lips and reaches desperately for him, clawing at his jacket, sliding her hands into his open shirt, dragging them through the hair at his chest. 

He pulls back with a gasp and takes both her hands, pulling them away from him and trapping her arms at her side. She has a mind to protest but his lips find her neck, trailing down her throat to her collarbone and down her chest and the words die on her lips. His teeth and tongue tease at the spot beneath her ear, the hollow of her throat, the valley between her breasts, making her writhe against him. 

He finally releases one of her hands so that his own can trace up her side, slide under her shirt and cup her breast in his palm. His thumb drags over the peak through her bra and he swallows her gasp with his mouth. She frees her other hand, giving up on undressing him and tangling both into his hair as he shoves her shirt aside with his hook and drags his tongue over one nipple before taking it into his mouth. 

She’s too loud again and his lips quiet her even as his fingers trail down her stomach to the waist of her jeans. He pauses, toying with the button, the scratch of his nails against her skin driving her insane and he looks at her as he pulls away long enough to meet her eyes. She realises what he’s waiting for and nods furiously, dragging his mouth back to hers as he makes quick work of popping the button and yanking down the zipper. 

The first touch of his fingers against her center is bliss and fire. She only barely manages to catch her moan, it coming out as a desperate sigh, her forehead falling against his as she grabs his lapels the way she had that afternoon. She expects him to say something, to smirk or laugh or whisper filth in her ear, but instead he just watches her, eyes fixated on her face as his fingers slide inside of her and find a rhythm. 

When his thumb finds her clit, she can’t contain the sounds she makes anymore and he captures her mouth with his to keep her quiet, his kisses languid and slow and deep as his hand works her higher. He’s everywhere, his tongue sliding against her own, his fingers curling and circling, his chest pressed to hers. He’s all she can see and think and feel and she lets it overwhelm her, lets all the horrible thoughts of the day and of this place slip away under his touch. 

When her mouth leaves his for air- hands fisting tighter in the leather and pulling him even closer as she pants and gasps, already nearly there- his lips find her neck. He presses slow, deliberate kisses against her skin, his tongue playing against every sensitive spot he can find as his fingers and thumb work faster, driving her to that edge she so desperately wants to fall over. 

“Yes,” she whispers into the darkness when he finds just the right spot, just the right pace, and he redoubles his efforts. She can feel him watching her, can see the awe and the reverence in his eyes as he watches her come apart on his hand, and it’s too much. She drags his mouth back to hers, rolling her hips and riding his fingers until she comes with a gasp, her head falling back against the tree as for one, small moment, she feels something good again. 

When she comes to, he’s pressing soft, gentle kisses to her jaw and below her ear as his fingers slow within her. She doesn’t protest when he takes her lips with his own again, too boneless and blissed out to register the intimacy of his kiss, to be bothered by it. She reaches for the laces of his pants, but he shakes his head, resting his forehead against hers. 

There’s a moment when she can tell he wants to say something, his whole body tensing and his brow pulling down like he’s in pain. But instead he kisses her again, harder and more desperate than before. There’s an edge to it, like he worries this will be the last time. 

And it should be, she reminds herself. Fuck. She just let Captain Hook finger her against a tree a few dozen feet from where her parents sleep. She nearly let him fuck her against it. What the hell was she thinking? She wants to tell him that this was a mistake, that it was another one time thing,but as his lips leave hers and a sigh leaves him, she knows she can’t promise either of them that. 

The moment he steps back, she can feel the bad thoughts starting to creep in again and she nearly grabs him and holds him close just to keep them at bay. It’s never been like this. She’s never craved the comfort of a man’s presence, of his touch before. And it scares the shit out of her. 

“You should get some sleep, love,” he tells her and she nods, only half registering what he’s saying. She doesn’t know what to say. Should she thank him? Address what this was or wasn’t? Warn him not to tell anyone? No, he wouldn’t do that. So she says nothing, setting her clothes right and returning to her mat. 

She watches him as she tries to sleep, watches the tension return to his shoulders and the heaviness return to his composure. When he looks up at one point, finds her in the dark and catches her studying him, his brow pinches tight and then relaxes, a melancholy and a want settling over his features and it stirs new longing in her gut. Fuck. She should never have kissed him. 

***

The next morning, Mary Margaret tells her Neal is alive. She doesn’t believe it. Not until she looks to Hook and sees the guilt and the shame on his face and she knows it’s true. Was that what he wanted to tell her last night? Was that why he wouldn’t let her touch him? 

Neal’s alive. The revelation settles like a lead weight in her gut. She can’t. She can’t handle him being alive. After all the pain he’d caused her, his death had finally let her put him behind her, let her move on from everything he’d done… let her begin to see the possibility of being happy again. And now he’s coming crashing back into her life again. 

They have to find him. She knows they do; he’s Henry’s father. She owes her son the attempt to rescue him if nothing else. She may never forgive him, but Henry has a right to make up his own mind, so they head off after him. Another detour, another chance at breaking her heart again, another chance to hurt. 

She doesn’t know why she tells Mary Margaret. The words just slip out. ‘I kissed him.’ She can’t explain why she did it either, can’t explain to the woman who preaches hope that she feels hopeless, that finding solace in Hook and what he makes her feel is the only thing keeping her alive, keeping her going right now. She’d never understand. 

‘I’m sure Neal will understand,’ she says, and it feels like a slap. She thinks she needs Neal to forgive her, after everything he’s done. She doesn’t say much else the rest of the way. 

“I kissed Emma.” The confession makes her roll her eyes. They did a hell of a lot more than kiss. How is that his biggest secret? But what he says next, about moving on, about finding love again… until I met you. 

Her heart hammers against her chest and she fights to ignore all the feelings his reveal brings to the surface. She’d thought maybe, with Neal dead, she could start to think of moving on, of trying again. But he’s not dead. And Hook just told her he’s falling for her and all of it is too much and she can’t handle it. She needs to focus on Henry. He’s all that matters. Her feelings, what she wants, it doesn’t matter. 

When they make their way back to camp, Neal finds her and she feels the need to apologize. Everything she said in the cave was true, but it was harsh. He may have hurt her more than anyone in her life ever had or likely will again, but she can’t help but feel guilty. She blames Mary Margaret. 

“I have a secret, too,” he tells her. “I’ll never stop fighting for you.” 

Her throat constricts, she can barely talk, barely breathe through it. No! she wants to shout. No, I don’t want that. He hadn’t listened to her at all. She’d told him she wished he was dead, that the idea of him being alive, of being a walking, talking reminder of the worst moments of her life, was too much for her to handle. A part of her may always love him, and she’ll hate that, but she can never forgive him. The thought that he believes they can find their way back to each other, that she can excuse what he did as though it doesn’t matter… she feels small, worthless, all of the bad creeping back in. 

He walks away first, going after the others, but she takes a moment in an attempt to compose herself and bottle up all the emotions once again so she can just focus on why she’s here and not on her heart being slowly ripped to shreds. 

“Are you coming, Swan?” she hears, and she looks up to see Hook standing a few feet away. His whole body is hesitant, poised to run if she tells him to leave. But she doesn’t say anything. She still can’t find words. 

I’ll never stop fighting for you. I’ll never stop fighting for you. It plays over and over in her head and she wants to scream. The thought of him being there, of Neal being around all the time, trying to worm his way back into her life and her heart -

“I’m sorry,” Hook says then and her eyes snap up to his. She frowns. Why is he sorry? “If my confession made things awkward for you and Balefire, I apologize. It wasn’t my intention. I heard you speaking just now and -” she wants to laugh. She almost does laugh. 

“I told him I wished he was dead.”

“You what?” 

“In the caves. I told him I wished he was dead, that having him in my life hurt too much, that I couldn’t take it. And he took that as an invitation to try to worm his way back in. And Mary Margaret, my mom, wants me to let him. She’s all about forgiveness,” she practically spits. “But if she knew what he did, if she knew…” She’d probably say the same thing, Emma realises with a twist in her stomach. 

“What do you want?” Killian asks then, taking a step forward and then another, closing the distance between them. He’s still hesitant, still not turned towards her, but his head ducks down, trying to catch her eye and she does let out a laugh this time. Bitter and hopeless. She doesn’t even know what she wants. She can’t remember the last time someone asked her that. She just wants it all to stop, the barrage of memories, old and fresh wounds opening up again leaving her raw and exposed and vulnerable. She just wants it all to stop. 

She shouldn’t. Not after his confession, not when he might think it means more than it does. But she reaches for him, taking his face in both her hands and pulling him to her, slanting her mouth over his, invading his mouth with her tongue, desperate for that release she’s come to associate with him. 

He doesn’t miss a beat, both arms wrapping around her waist, tightening and pulling her closer as he groans into her mouth. This, this is what she wants. His lips devour her, tongue delving deep and demanding as his hand traces her side where she isn’t wedged against him. His fingers trail over her breast, her waist, her hip and her thigh, his arm dragging her hips against his own as he rolls them against her, the hard ridge of him pressing against her center through all their clothes and making her gasp. 

He bites her lip, soothing it with his tongue before doing the same to her chin and her jaw and her neck and her shoulder, never stopping the steady grind of his cock against the seam of her jeans. She’s lost in the ache and the passion and the pleasure. Fucking hell, how he can make her feel this good with all their clothes on is beyond her, but if he stops, she might kill him. 

“Emma?” Mary Margaret’s voice cuts through the quiet and she wants to cry as Hook jumps back from her before her mother can emerge from the dense forest. She looks between the two of them, Hook with his back to her, his hand crossed over and resting on the hilt of his sword as he says something about them having thought they heard lost boys lurking in the jungle. She helps them do a sweep but decides they’re safe and they head back to the camp. She can feel him watching her the whole way back. 

 ***

 They almost die. Both of them. Over a fucking lighter. 

Okay, she knows it’s not about the lighter, but the fact that they let anything get between them, let anything risk their lives, risk Henry’s life… she’s furious. She hangs on to it, grabs hold of her anger with both hands and doesn’t let go because if she does she knows what will creep in. The fear. The fear that gripped her when she saw Killian at the shadow’s mercy. 

She tells herself it was hatred and anger at Pan that made her find her magic. But she knows that’s a lie. It was him. The thought that she would lose him. She couldn’t lose him. Not after what he said. When I win your heart, Emma, and I will win it, it will not be because of any trickery. It’ll be because you want me. 

Even now, remembering his promise sends her heart racing and her blood rushing through her veins and she wants. She’d almost kissed him then, almost let him in, almost let herself believe that maybe there was a possibility… 

And then he went and almost got himself killed and she remembered again, remembered that she couldn’t let herself want him because everyone she’s ever cared about has left her, hurt her, abandoned her. Why would he be any different? 

The whole way back to camp, Neal won’t even look at her. It takes her a moment to realise why. Because of her magic. He hates it, is disgusted by it. She heard it in his voice when he asked if Regina was teaching her and it hurts to hear him disparage it, to hear him fear it. 

But then, suddenly, they’re arguing again and she snaps. Her mother warned her about the dangers of both of them having feelings for her. She just hadn’t thought this was what she’d meant. She knew that Mary Margaret wanted her to choose Neal, to reunite her family, and she worried that Hook might not react well. But she’d never imagined the risk they would put themselves in. Both of them. She can’t choose either of them, no matter that they’ve both asked her to. It’s too dangerous. 

Enough. It's enough. She can’t take it. They already almost died and now they’re at it again. So she tells them like it is. She doesn’t have room for either of them in her life. Not for Neal’s persistence or Hook’s heartfelt confessions. She can’t. Not now. She needs to focus on Henry, on saving him and she can’t do that if she’s spending her time thinking about them. She sees the acceptance on Hook’s face. She can’t do that if she has to watch him die. It would break her. 

When she thought Neal was dead, it had been a relief. All that pain had finally managed to leave her after over a decade. But when she saw Hook pinned against that tree, saw the life being ripped right out of him, god, it might as well have been her own shadow being ripped out. 

She shuts her eyes as she walks away, trying to block the image of him screaming, of him begging her to go, from her mind. But it won’t go away. It just stays there, playing over and over well into the night as she tosses and turns on her mat. Neal has placed his own right next to hers, closer than she’d like. She’d seen her mother smile when he did it. 

Regina’s on watch duty tonight and Emma sighs as she sits up, unable to sleep but glad for the other woman’s indifference to her troubles. Neal sleeps soundly, the sound of his breathing distracting. How can he sleep so peacefully while she continues to grow more and more distressed, continues to break at his hands? It’s not fair. She needs to get away. She needs to just… she glances over at where Hook lays a more respectable distance away. 

She can tell he’s awake. His head turns to look at her after a moment and she meets his eyes. He almost died today. At least he has the good sense to look ashamed. She hates how much she wants to crawl across the space between them, feel his heartbeat under her hand, reassure herself that he’s really okay, let him wrap himself around her and hold her until the dread finally leaves her. She wants to let him take everything away with his body against hers, make her forget everything the way she knows he can do so well. 

But they’re in the middle of the camp with eyes everywhere, so she can’t. Instead, she has to stew in it. In her fear for Henry, in her anxiety over nearly losing two people she cares about today, in her growing shame over her magic, both her possession of it and her failure to control it. At what he said. At what Hook said and how much it made her want, how much it reminded her that she can’t have the things she wants. 

She can’t breathe. Right now, literally feeling like she’s trapped between the two of them, between two paths to inevitable heartbreak, she can’t breathe. She just needs to get away. She stands, storming past Hook and Regina into the thick canopy of trees. It’s not until she’s several hundred feet away that she finally feels like she can take a breath again. 

Emma only realises what a stupid thing she’s done when she hears a rustling behind her. She reaches for her sword but it’s not there and panic seeps through her as she realises she left it next to her mat. But before she can look for a place to hide, a figure emerges from the dark and she lets out a breath. Hook. 

“Apologies,” he says when he spots her, sees what must be the obvious distress on her face. “I saw you left your cutlass behind. It’s not safe to be alone in this jungle. Especially unarmed,” he warns her, just this side of chastising. She rolls her eyes but sees that he’s holding her blade in his hand and appreciates that he’s brought it to her. 

“Thanks,” she says sincerely as she takes it from him.  

He nods, scratching awkwardly behind his ear. “I don’t know what’s troubling you, Emma,” he tells her, and her eyes snap to his at the sound of her name falling from his lips. “But I can’t bring myself to leave you alone out here. I’ll step away,” he promises, gesturing back towards the thick brush. “But I won’t stray far should you need help.”

She wants to roll her eyes. He’s seriously going to go stand somewhere where she can’t see him, ten feet away so she can have her breakdown privately while still protecting her? Why the fuck would he do that? Because he cares about you. He nods again, taking her silence as permission and stepping back to leave her be, but she stops him.

“Do you have your flask with you?” she asks.

He reaches into his pocket and retrieves it. “Shall I leave it with you?”

She rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to go, Hook,” she says and he looks wary. “I’m over it. I just… had a moment.” 

“Hmm,” he agrees. “Neverland will do that to you.” 

She scoffs, glaring at him, pissed off now. “It wasn’t Neverland that did it to me,” she snaps and he frowns. “It was you. You and Neal and your stupid fight. Both of you, risking your life like idiots, like children!” He looks taken aback, searching for words as shame washes over his features again.

“Swan, I’m sorry. We -”

“Did you even mean what you said?” she demands then and he frowns in confusion. 

“What I said?” 

“All of it. About winning my heart, about moving on from Milah, about wanting me to choose you. All of it.” 

His face grows serious then. “Yes.” 

“Then how the hell could you do that? How can you make promises that imply you sticking around and then just be so goddamn callous with your life?”

“I’m sorry, love, I -”

“Stop apologizing!” she barks. His head snaps back like she slapped him and she stands there, panting and glaring at him. He studies her for a moment then steps forward. 

“No.”

“No?” she demands incredulously.

“No. You’re right. It was reckless and stupid and childish. I know how much you’ve lost and I’m sorry if I made you fear losing more. Whatever this is, Emma,” he says, using her name again as he gestures between them, “whatever it is you do or don’t want from me, I meant what I said in Echo Cave. I meant what I said to you today. I’m not going anywhere. Not until you send me away. And I’m sorry if I made you doubt my intentions.” 

“Stop,” she says, unable to hear more. Every word he says makes her hope and every moment she hopes is another moment closer to heartbreak. She can’t let herself care for him. She can’t let herself fall for him. What chance do they have? Her parents would fight her every step of the way, Neal would fight her. And he’ll leave. Just like everyone leaves. Everyone always leaves. 

“Swan,” he says, stepping towards her again. His hand comes up to cradle her jaw, thumb brushing against her cheek as he tilts her chin up to face him. 

“Don’t,” she warns again, tears burning her eyes now.

“Is that so hard for you to believe? That someone would want to stay? That I-”

“Stop,” she says again, giving him no choice this time, pulling him to her and stealing whatever words might have fallen from his lips with her own.

She kisses him until a small groan rumbles deep in his throat, reverberating through her and sending tremors of desire coursing through every inch of her body. She can’t let him in. She can’t let him say whatever it was he was going to say. But this, this she can do. She needs this, him. Nothing else calms and excites her all at once like this. Nothing else stops everything like this. 

His hand leaves her cheek, tangling in her hair, fisting in it and tugging as he opens her mouth under his. Her hands leave his face, sliding down his neck to his chest to the clasps of his vest. He breaks apart from her as she undoes the first one, looking down at her hands and then back at her with heavy lidded eyes. There’s a question there, a request or a plea. 

She answers by undoing the next clasp and he drags her back to him, tongue delving, seeking, teeth nipping at her lips as he guides her backwards until her back collides softly but urgently with a tree. By then she has his vest undone and she pushes it off, shoving his jacket down with it where it falls heavily onto the jungle floor. 

She finds his shirt next, not bothering with the few buttons as she pulls it from his pants and lifts the shirt over his head. He releases her long enough to lift his arms and help her to pull it free from his hook. She traces her fingers along his forearms, marveling at the sinewy muscles and dark hair under her hands, hesitating a moment over his tattoo. 

She follows the path to his biceps, to his shoulders, tracing the intricacies of his brace on one side, and the defined shape of his obvious strength on the other. She realises she’s never seen his arms before. His chest is always on full display but the rest of him is always covered head to toe in leather, in armour. She traces along his sides next, over his ribs where she notices another tattoo: ‘Liam’ written out in small, elegant script. 

She looks at him, so much of him on display beneath her hands. He’s so goddamn beautiful and it sends an ache tugging low in her belly. As she draws her gaze up his neck and jaw to his face, she finds him watching her, something curious and tender beneath the desire. She kisses him again so she doesn’t have to see it. This isn’t what this is. 

He takes the hint, hook snaking into her belt loop to pull her hips firmly against his as his hot and calloused hand slides up under her shirt, over her stomach to her breast. She keens when he presses his palm against her, dragging over her slowly, filling his hand before his fingers find her nipple through her bra. 

She pushes him back a little, almost smirking at his surprised expression before pulling her shirt over her head, reaching behind her to undo her bra and let it fall somewhere at her feet. She reaches for him but he steps back, eyes raking over her slowly and intently and goosebumps raise everywhere that his eyes burn over her. 

“Bloody hell,” he breathes. 

“You gonna do something about it?” she challenges, and then he’s on her, lips attacking her neck, causing her to cry out as he sucks a mark into the hollow of her collarbone, dragging his tongue down her chest to her breast. He takes a nipple into his mouth, rolling it under his tongue and his teeth and she fists her hand in his hair so tight that she thinks it might hurt. His strangled moan makes her think he doesn’t care. 

He moves to her neglected breast, giving it the same treatment before nipping and licking and sucking his way down her ribs and her stomach to her navel and to the waist of her jeans as he kneels before her. He doesn’t ask for permission this time, the way she pushes her hips against him clear enough as he makes quick work of them, sliding them down her legs and pulling them off along with her boots. 

He looks up at her, toying idly with the waist of her panties, and it’s the hottest fucking thing she’s ever seen. Killian Jones, Captain Hook, shirtless with his hair a mess, kneeling between her legs and watching her like he wants to devour her. Then he smirks, eyebrow twitching up as he leans forward, holding her gaze as he presses an open mouthed kiss to her covered clit. Nevermind, that’s the hottest thing she’s ever seen. 

“Killian,” she begs, shocking them both as his name falls from her lips. Something flashes in his eyes then and suddenly he’s yanking the fabric off of her and pulling her leg over his shoulder. Fuck. Fuck yes, is all she can think. But… “We don’t have time,” she tells him, knowing that the others could wake up at any moment, that Pan or a lost boy could stumble upon them. 

He glances up at her with a smile that she can only describe as devilish. “There is always time, Swan,” he insists. Before she can protest or agree, his tongue is dragging through her folds, licking her slowly until he reaches her clit and pulls it into his mouth. 

“Fuck!” she practically yells, head falling back as she fists her hands in his hair. She can feel him smirking against her but she doesn’t care because his tongue is flicking against her clit now, slowly, meticulously, and then quicker as she starts to roll her hips against his talented mouth. 

He alternates flicking his tongue against her and sucking on her sensitive bundle as his fingers find her opening and push in roughly, pumping into her hard and fast. One of her hands finds his shoulder, steading herself against him, nails digging into his flesh, and he drives her to her climax so goddamn fast that she barely registers she’s almost there until she’s right at the brink. 

She’s gasping, muttering incoherent yeses and pleas, when he suddenly pulls away and stands and she wants to scream. But before she can, he’s freeing himself from his leathers and pulling her knee up over his hip, sliding into her easily despite his impressive size. 

Her fingers link behind his neck, her head thrown back against the bark behind her as he thrusts up into her purposefully, each stroke powerful and just the right side of rough. She’s forced to stand on her toes, foot nearly lifted off the ground as he drives into her, but she doesn’t want him to stop. Fuck, she’s never going to be able to stop. Not now that she knows this is what it’s like to be with him. 

His head falls to her shoulder, lips and teeth finding her neck as he moves faster and she knows he’s close, can hear it in the desperate sounds he’s breathing against her skin. She’s nearly there, she just needs… He pulls her thigh higher over his hip, hand finding her ass and pressing her closer until he’s grinding against her clit with every push inside of her and that’s it. 

Her back arches and her head falls back as she screams out her climax into the quiet of the jungle. He looks up at her, watching her fall apart, brows pinched in blissful anguish as he sets a breakneck pace, seeking his own release. She fists her hands into his hair, tugging and watching as his face becomes almost pained before she captures his lips with hers, biting at his lips, sucking at his tongue until she swallows his moan as it reverberates through her chest and he goes rigid. 

She can feel him finishing hot inside her and it sends another little quiver of pleasure through her, her muscles contracting around him and he groans, sliding his tongue into her mouth and seeking her own. 

They stay there, pressed against the tree, panting into each other’s mouths, seeking whatever they can find in one another until the sweat begins to cool on her body and a shiver runs through her, bringing her back to reality. He seems to sense the change because he’s the one to break the kiss first.

She just looks at him, unable to process any of her thoughts. She doesn’t know what this means. She doesn’t know what she wants it to mean. The thought that it could mean anything at all is terrifying to her. But a part of her knows she’ll find herself here again. But this is all it can be. 

She can’t risk it. Can’t risk him. She’s damaged goods and she’ll hurt him or he’ll hurt her because… she cares. Fuck. She cares. There’s nothing more dangerous or terrifying to her than getting her heart involved. If she has to choose - and she does have to choose - the one where her heart isn’t on the line is the only safe option. 

Neal could never break her heart. Not again. She’d have to be able to give it to him first for that. 

She tenses in his arms, hands sliding from his shoulders to curl into her chest and she tries to make some room between them. She can’t look at him but it’s like he can read her mind, his eyes casting over her face as she makes her decision. Open book he’s always said.

He lets out a soft sigh of a laugh, self-deprecating and accepting as he slides out of her and pulls back, allowing her room to dress as he pulls his pants back up his hips. She knows he thinks she regrets it. She wishes she could tell him she doesn’t. But she can’t give him hope. And he wouldn’t believe her if she did, not while she’s practically recoiling from his touch. 

“So you’ve made your choice then?” he asks, but it’s not really a question.

“Killian…” 

“Don’t call me that,” he says, shaking his head and it feels like a knife twisting in her heart. 

“I-” 

“You don’t have to explain, Swan,” he says. “He’s Henry’s father. He’s a better man.” 

She wants to scream at him, tell him that he’s wrong, but that would mean facing whatever it is that’s happened between them, whatever it was that started on that beanstalk and led them here, and she can’t do that. 

He watches her for another moment, the pain and the self-loathing written all over his face before he slides his mask of indifference right back up and it hurts to see. It's the one he wore in New York and in Storybrooke after she betrayed him. She supposes this isn’t much different. 

He gathers the rest of his clothes, nodding at her once before heading off into the jungle. “Don’t stay out here alone,” he says over his shoulder, and a tear runs hot down her cheek. He may hate her right now, but he’s still watching out for her. 

 ***

 They defeat Pan. They save Henry. She still can’t believe it. But they’re sailing back to Storybrooke and her son is sleeping soundly down below in Killian’s cabin. She frowns. She wonders when she started thinking of him as Killian. Probably when you realised how you felt about him, probably right before you broke his heart. 

She’s staring out at the sky below them, leaning on the railing and she lets her head fall over her arms. When did everything get so complicated? She feels so lost. She wishes she had someone to help her, someone to guide her. She wishes she had Mary Margaret, her friend, but that woman is gone. In her place is Snow White, her mother. Someone who should understand her but doesn’t. 

It’s Snow who finds her, places a comforting hand on her shoulder and gives her a supportive smile when she looks up. 

“Are you alright?” she asks. Emma shakes her head, too tired to lie, and her mom gives her a sad look. “Emma…” she starts, and she braces herself for whatever speech is about to come. “I know that love can be scary. And after all you’ve been through, I don’t blame you for being afraid of it. That’s my fault,” she says and Emma wants to say no - well, yes, but not just her fault. 

“But if you think that everyone that cares about you and who you let yourself care about is going to hurt you, if you don’t let yourself try and open up to the possibility… you might keep out pain, but you’ll also keep out love,” she finishes, parroting her words from so long ago and for a moment, Emma feels like she has her friend back, like Mary Margaret understands her. 

“You owe it to yourself to give Neal a chance,” she says, and it’s like a bucket of ice water falling over her. “I know what you said, about it being easier to forget about the pain and to move on with him out of your life. But he’s your first love; he’s Henry’s father. Don’t you think he deserves a second chance? Don’t you think Henry does, that you do?” 

Tears well in Emma’s eyes and her mother misreads them, assuming she’s hit the mark. She couldn’t be more wrong. But she’s right. Choosing Neal is easier. It's what everyone wants. It’s what everyone expects. It's the easiest way to make everyone she cares about happy. Even if it’s at the cost of her own happiness. Of Killian’s happiness. Her heart burns in her chest.

She wonders where Killian is. They’ve barely spoken since their moment in the jungle. He hadn’t been cruel or even angry, of course he hadn’t. But he’d been distant, keeping himself at arms length. She understands that, self-preservation and all. She’s been doing the same. She hears footsteps and looks up to see Neal walking towards them. Mary Margaret gives her an encouraging smile before disappearing below deck. 

Neal leans against the railing next to her. “We did it,” he says, a big, satisfied smile on his face. “We got our kid back. We got our family back,” he says and the word is loaded. 

“Yeah,” she nods, forces a smile. Neal could never tell the difference between her real ones and her fake ones. “We did.” 

He nudges her shoulder with his and she laughs. They did get their son back. That’s the silver lining to this. That’s what she should be focused on. “Emma, listen,” he says then. “I meant what I said. I’ll never stop fighting for you.” His words twist in her gut but she doesn’t let it show. “And now that everyone’s okay, that it’s all over and everything is behind us… maybe we could try again.” Everything is behind us. Just like that he’s wiping his slate clean of any wrongs he’s done her. 

“Neal, I-” 

“I know I hurt you, Emma. But I had to. You know I did. And we have Henry to think about too. Do you think there’s anything he’d want more than for his parents to get back together? Don’t you think we ought to try? For him?” Her fist clenches against the railing but he takes it in his. “I’m just asking for a chance, Ems.” 

She considers him, thinks of Henry. “Okay,” she says. “Okay.” 

He beams, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it, then, before she even knows what’s happening, he’s leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. It’s familiar, slow and practiced and it brings a slew of painful memories rushing back to the surface. He pulls back with a pleased smile and she forces one back. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” he asks and she nods. As she watches him walk away, she knows one thing for sure. There’s definitely no risk with Neal. He could never break her heart. She could never give it to him. 

She brings her fingers to her lips, still feeling his kiss and his scruff burning against her chin and it just feels… wrong. It leaves an ache in her, an emptiness and a need, a craving for something else and her whole body hums with it, burns with it. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. She needs to make it right, to set it right. 

She walks almost blindly through the ship's lower deck, making her way past the crew’s quarters where everyone sleeps, past the captain’s cabin where Regina is watching over a sleeping Henry, past the galley and the storage and every other room she doesn’t recognize until she reaches the back, the bosun’s quarters where she knows she’ll find him. 

She pushes the door open, not bothering to knock and he sits up where he was lounging on the narrow mattress, book balanced on his knee. He’s discarded his coat and his vest, his suspenders hanging at his sides. “Swan?” he asks, a frown marrying his brow. “What’s wrong?” 

She doesn’t speak. She just crosses the room to the bed, shoving the book out of his hands and climbing over him, straddling his hips as she pulls his lips to hers, hands finding his shoulders as she uses his shock to push him back against the pillows. 

“Swan,” he breathes against her mouth. “What are you -” She stops his words with her lips again, sliding her tongue into his mouth until she can pull that groan that she loves so much from his chest. “Emma,” he tries again, weaker this time and a little desperate. 

She shakes her head, kissing him again, biting his lip, pulling at it, teasing him with her tongue until he breaks, sitting up and kissing her back, taking control as he tilts her head this way and that, arm sliding around her hips to set her more firmly in his lap. Yes. This is what she needed. The press of his lips, the scratch of his stubble, it feels right. And she knows she can’t have it, not really, but she can have tonight. She can have one last night. 

She feels him stirring beneath her and she grinds her hips down over his to encourage him. It works, his lips dropping to her neck, sliding her shirt easily over her head and taking her breast in his mouth like he already knows she likes. God, he’s perfect. Perfect in that he’s not. In that he knows he’s not. That he doesn’t pretend to be. He knows her. He understands her. And she knows she’s going to break his heart. 

She stops him as his hand begins to trail down to her jeans, pushing against his shoulders until he lays back. She pulls his shirt open, not caring about the few buttons that she sends flying across the floor as her lips latch onto his neck, desperately trying to find the spots that make him let out those sounds she can’t get enough of. 

When he’s practically writhing beneath her, she trails kisses down the center of his chest, glancing up at him as he watches her, her lips teasing their way down to the waist of his pants where he’s already straining against the laces. She can see the head of his cock just peeking out and she draws her tongue over him. He hisses, hips pressing up involuntarily towards her. 

She makes quick work of his laces, shoving his pants far enough down his hips that she can free him from them and take him in hand. He gasps out her name and it spurs her on, knowing how much he wants her. She’s glad when he doesn’t protest, only watches her as she drags her tongue slowly up the length of him before taking him fully into her mouth. 

His back arches, his hook reaching up to find purchase on the headboard as his hand tangles in her hair. The sounds he makes as she works him with her lips and tongue send heat straight to her core, making her slick and desperate as she tries to rub her thighs together and find some relief. He lets out a litany of sighs and moans and words, both praise and filth as she drives him towards his release. 

Before she can, he uses his hold on her hair to pull her off of him, to slide her back up his body to face him where he looks at her like he can’t quite believe she’s real. He reaches for her pants, undoing them and pushing them down her hips. She rolls onto her back beside him so that she can work them off and his mouth finds her breast, tongue pulling at her already hardened nipple and making her gasp. 

As soon as she’s free of her jeans, she rolls back on top of him, taking his cock in hand and sinking down onto him. They both hold still for a moment, adjusting to the feel of him inside her, to how fucking perfectly he fits. Fuck, she’s going to miss this. 

He lets out another moan as she starts to ride him, head falling back against the pillows. She’s never seen him quite like this, so lost in his bliss, so out of control, and god it makes her want him even more. She braces herself on his shoulders, moving over him faster, hips snapping against his, and he looks at her like she might just destroy him.

His hand grabs hold of her hip, pulling her down harder against him as his own hips lift up to meet her with every thrust. She can’t believe how close she is. He’s barely touched her. But with every roll of her hips over his, every time she feels him fill her up again and again, she feels like she’s on fire and she just wants to keep burning. 

“Fuck, Emma,” he curses, his brow pinched tight, the chords of his neck stretched taunt. “Emma I’m going to -” he tries to warn her but she only rides him harder, desperate to get him there first. Her nails dig into his chest as she tries to hold off as long as she can and she sees the moment he breaks. It’s the most fucking amazing thing she’s ever seen and it sends her over the edge, collapsing over top of him as they both struggle to catch their breath. 

His fingers trail over her spine, his head tilting down to kiss the skin of her shoulder, turning to press another to her temple. God, she wants to just stay here with him, to let him keep tracing patterns over her back, to let him keep kissing whatever parts of her he can reach, to let him just hold her here as long as she needs. But that’s exactly why she can’t. 

“Emma,” he says softly, a little hopefully and she rises, getting off of him and standing, pulling her jeans and shirt back on, not bothering to look for her underwear because that would take too long. “Emma,” he says again and she makes herself look at him, makes herself face the hurt she’s causing him. It’s better this way. They’ll only hurt each other in the long run if they keep this up. “So, it’s still Neal then,” he says finally. 

She nods. “It has to be.” 

“And this was what?” he asks, an edge of anger in his voice. “Goodbye? One last fuck with the pirate before you go back to the man you’re making yourself choose? The one you’re settling for?” 

Tears burn her eyes. “Killian...” 

“I told you not to call me that,” he says, bitterness in his tone. “It’s Hook you want.” But he’s wrong, and that’s exactly the problem. It is Killian she wants, the man he might be, the man he is, the man she wants too much to trust herself with. 

“Goodbye,” she says, backing away towards the door. “I’m sorry.”

***

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[prettywordsyouleft]

Peach and Pear

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers / fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: So I woke up the other morning and wrote this story before getting up for the day. It’s set in a place here in New Zealand and I’m really proud of this little world I randomly created.

Word count: 2945

Once upon a time, there was a little peach that lost his way for the first time. The peach had always been a very successful fruit, doing many things each day to become one of the best peaches around. He was strong and healthy and he was full of talents. A lot of the other fruit admired him a great deal--

“Then why did he get lost?” a curious, high-pitched voice asked, and before you could continue with the story, someone else did for you.

“He woke up and realised he was tired of being successful because he did so much each day,” your husband Jinyoung answered, walking over to you and your daughter, who scooted out from under the blankets you had just tucked her under to reach out her little limbs towards her father. Sitting down on the opposite side of the bed from you, Jinyoung pulled her into his arms, planting a kiss on the top of her crown affectionately.

“You know this story too, Daddy?!”

“Oh yes,” he replied, shooting you a look. “Who do you think told Mummy about it?”

“I want to hear what the peach did next!” she exclaimed and you cleared your throat to continue the story.

Jinyoung laid there, unmoving, as the alarm continued to shrill around the room. Normally he would turn it off and roll back over, knowing he had a second one set for when he truly had to be out of his bed. Yet, when that one sounded as well after the first one had gone on for too long and given up, he still didn’t rush out from under the blankets.

For the first time in a long while, he felt unmotivated.

He had business meetings and English lessons to attend today. Not to mention, his daily swimming practice was waiting for him to start the day. He would then head into the office, working until six precisely, where he would go out for dinner with a client who was investing more into his company. Afterwards, he was expected to hit up the gym for leg day, and finally wind up back here, finalising any paperwork before reading another chapter in a self-improvement book and go to bed by eleven.

And then the day would repeat, usually with some variation to the workday, but still with the continued structure that he expected from himself each day.

Today, however, he didn’t care for any of it.

Jinyoung wanted a break. He couldn’t remember the last time he didn’t follow the same continuous pattern that all around him had come to rely on. He was too predictable now, twenty-six and thriving as a businessman, successful enough to have his name in the tabloids often as a measure that many others in the industry strived to match. No one had expected the handsome man to create such a storm at his age, let alone at all. Yet the proof was in the pudding, or in Jinyoung’s case, his relentless endeavour to create a stable and solid life plan for him and his company.

Whilst he had worked tirelessly on building the foundation of his business, his university pals were off taking in the world. Mark had gone snowboarding at every well-known skiing resort, and Jackson was in America promoting Team Wang whilst collaborating with top names on every country’s celebrity list. Jaebum had travelled to Europe to learn more about the way music was produced there and BamBam was never in the same continent for too long, having fun being young and rich. Even Youngjae and Yugyeom had found themselves leaving this place to find better horizons. Only Jinyoung had stayed.

He wasn’t bitter that he had chosen to, but it did mean his youth was spent grinding each day and not truly lived. As he laid in his bed, still uncaring that the second alarm had come and gone, he realised he craved reaching out for what he had missed out on. He wanted to explore a foreign place and do so without much planning.

He was usually the research and implement type of guy, but today, he simply packed a small suitcase with the necessities for travel and climbed into his car, heading towards the airport.

With passport in hand, he watched the departure board for one of the places to stand out to him. Many flights were heading out within the next couple of hours, though there was one about to leave in forty minutes. Striding towards a desk, he smiled at the clerk and asked to buy a ticket to that destination.

“Sir, are you sure?” she asked, slightly perplexed by the sudden passenger request. Jinyoung nodded and she cringed. “There’s no business class left and it will take-”

“I’ll take it,” he confirmed, sliding his credit card across the tabletop towards her.

And that was how Jinyoung found himself in the back row of a twelve-hour plane ride to New Zealand.

“Wow!” exclaimed your daughter, eyes round with the adventure. “The little peach travelled all the way here! Did he make any friends?”

“Well,” you said, glancing at your husband before nodding once. “He turned up unexpectedly and asked to stay at a pear’s broken down bed and breakfast.”

“Which was basically in the middle of nowhere,” Jinyoung added on with a smile, glancing over at you fondly. “And it didn’t have any central heating.”

“That was because the pear herself hadn’t quite found out how to fix that problem, and the peach had chosen to get on a plane without checking that New Zealand was in the middle of winter.”

Jinyoung laughed, placing his daughter back under the blankets before continuing the story.

You blinked at the man standing upon your porch, shivering in his thin coat, the snow that was falling outside having covered his dark hair. And when you realised you weren’t hallucinating, you gasped, jerking open the old door across the wooden floors and stepped aside.

The foreign man dove inside out of the howling wind, and you shut it out with some effort in closing the door before stepping in front of him.

“How did you… I mean, it’s freezing out and you’re barely layered up. Please, follow me to the fireplace, you need to warm up.”

Once he was positioned as close to the fire as he could get, the man unravelled his arms around his waist and outstretched them towards the embers to thaw out. You left him there and dashed down to the kitchen, flicked on the jug and waited for it to boil.

Just who was this strange man? And how had he stumbled across your place at this time of night?

When your uncle died earlier in the year, his estate had been left to you. Your father, and his brother, had passed away some years prior and since your parents had been separated, what your uncle owned had been rightfully designated as yours.

“An inn?!” you echoed the words the lawyer had just read out, sitting up further in your chair. “My estranged uncle owned an inn?!”

“I wouldn’t be too excited, the place hasn’t had any guests in years,” the lawyer remarked, but you were already looking at the photos of the charming building, imagining what a bit of paint and gardening could do for the place.

So that’s how you wound up leaving the city life for the small township in the Buller district that had less than 1000 people living there. And, it was definitely going to take more than paint and some gardening to fix this place.

“You’re as crazy as your uncle was for trying to do up that house,” Katie, the owner of the only tearooms in Reefton, mentioned when you came in for lunch earlier in the day. “It’s got more problems than the number of people living here.”

You smiled grimly. “You don’t need to remind me.”

“Why not sell it and go back to where you came from, Y/N? The land would be worth some. I’m sure a farmer around here would happily bulldoze down that eyesore of a home and run his sheep or cattle over it just fine. In fact, I think Bill was-”

Imagining the crumbling building no longer existing didn’t make you feel any better. Glancing up at Katie, you shook your head. “It’s Reefton Estate. You can’t just go tearing down history like that.”

“There’s history, Y/N and then there’s money traps. Sure, in its heyday that place must have been spectacular and full of guests all the time with the gold rush and all. But this isn’t the eighteen hundreds. There’s only the novelty of finding gold at Shanty Town if you’re a tourist these days.”

“I don’t need gold, and I can’t just sell up.”

So you got stuck in with what you could do. You hired a contractor from Greymouth to come and look at your home, and with an extremely long list of projects thereafter, you started tackling them one by one. The place was liveable, but it still had a long way to go to be back to its former glory.

And you certainly were slower than most, being a one-woman team, with a trickle of funds available. As a joke, you placed an advert up online looking for volunteers to help lovingly restore the estate.

Of course, no one had come, until now.

Handing the stranger a mug of tea, you sat down beside him and smiled gently. “Did you mean to come here?”

“It’s a long story,” he said, smiling weakly. “I’m Jinyoung and you are?”

“Y/N,” you replied, holding out your hand in greeting. He took it, and your eyes nearly popped out of your head with how cold he still was. Rubbing it repeatedly, you tried to warm him up until Jinyoung gripped at your wrist and eyed you warily.

You balked and let him go. “Sorry, it’s just that you’re so cold. Not many people venture out at night around here without thermals on.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he mentioned with a soft smile, nodding once. “Thank you for the tea.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

Before the night wore out, Jinyoung had told you of his rash plan. He had left Korea and come to New Zealand on a whim, and again, chose his next destination in the same way as he had his last.

You gasped. “Of all the places to choose in New  Zealand, you ended up in Greymouth?!”

“To be fair, I wasn’t really aware. I thought it would be bigger and have more people,” he admitted and you laughed.

“The coast has people; just they tend to know each other. Oh boy. It won’t be long until word spreads about you coming here either.”

“How will that happen when it’s just us two here?” Jinyoung asked and you sighed.

You didn’t want to have to explain it tonight. When you had arrived from Christchurch, it was as if you had a giant beacon on your head that every resident of Reefton could see from their homes. You had been inundated with visitors both very friendly and extremely nosy for an entire week before you felt that you had met almost everyone. And although you got used to the gossiping nature of the place, you still didn’t quite like it either.

You somehow felt protective of Jinyoung. Besides, when the light arrived in the morning, you were certain he would climb into his hired vehicle and continue on his sightseeing ways.

However, you found him merely staring at your entryway, aghast.

“Morning,” you called and he whipped around, trying to wipe the perturbed look off his face. Clearing his throat, you shook your head to stop him. “I know, it needs a lot of attention.”

“Only one fireplace works, the rooms are freezing even with the space heater you gave me and you have a hole in the ceiling above me.”

“There’s also the west wing that has two inaccessible rooms, one of the bathrooms upstairs is blocked and there’s no way anyone will be able to stay here in the next few years to produce any revenue,” you added on with a smile, handing Jinyoung the coffee you had made him. He thanked you silently, before allowing his gaze to travel up the walls again. “It would probably make nice firewood to some farmer who tore it down for the land to run his animals over-”

“It has charm,” Jinyoung said then, cutting you off. You merely stared at him, wondering who he really was. He was the only person you had met since inheriting this place that had said those words to you. “It has a lot of potential to become something amazing, after a lot of work, of course.”

“I think so too.”

“Do you have the blueprints at all?” he asked and you cocked your head to the side.

“Thought you were sightseeing?”

“Well, there certainly seems to be a lot to look at just within this house, don’t you think?”

Jinyoung said he would stay for two weeks, helping you with projects that could be started with a bit of manual labour. Two weeks turned into a month, with trips to Greymouth for further supplies. And after then, you stopped asking when he was going to go back to Korea and his company. Part of you didn’t want to know the answer, having grown attached to the man. He was more playful than you had expected, and you spent most of your days laughing and soon your nights curled up together in front of the fireplace.

Of course, the gossip mill ran wild. Jinyoung didn’t care, and after three months, he even held your hand as you walked downtown, allowing the nosy store owners to pick up their phones and ring around that you had found yourself a man.

“Did the peach ever return home?”

“He did, three times,” Jinyoung stated, holding up the right amount of fingers before counting them down as he spoke. “First, because he felt he had to go. But he had found he could run his company from New Zealand with relative success.”

“Especially once he invested in better internet connection at the inn,” you interjected with a knowing look and Jinyoung rolled his eyes before dropping another finger.

“He came back here because he couldn’t stop thinking about the house and worried that pear would end up hurting herself badly. Which, had he not gotten on that plane and walked through the door when he did, pear would have fallen off a ladder onto the ground.”

“Instead she fell on top of the peach,” you said with a laugh and Jinyoung nodded.

“And the third time he went back was to finalise the sale of his company and bring his parents back with him.”

Your daughter sat up eagerly again. “Why did his parents come?! Did he miss them?!”

“Of course. But there was another reason too,” Jinyoung said, glancing at you and reaching out for your hand. You took it and he rubbed the set of rings that lay over your left finger. “The peach and pear got married.”

“Wait a minute!” your daughter breathed, pointing at her father and then you repeatedly before clapping and squealing. “That’s you and Mummy!”

“And now we live in Reefton Estate together, don’t we?” you told her, and her little head bounced up and down.

“Which thankfully has heating.”

“And no more holes in the ceilings.”

“The west wing can be rented out to staying guests.”

“And the peach and pear lived happily ever after.”

“With their own little peachy-pear!” cried your daughter to end the story, which had you all laughing, hugging the sweet child.

And once she had finally drifted off to sleep, you stepped out into the hallway on tiptoes, trying not to make the floorboards creak and wake her back up.

Of course, the house had been repaired. But it still carried most of its original parts, and definitely needed more work. The floors were next on the list to replace.

For now, tiptoeing back to your room down the hall was the best option you had. And when Jinyoung shut the door behind you, he pulled you into his arms, resting his head on your shoulder. You leaned back into him, cherishing the moment.

Mostly for his warmth, and he knew it.

“We need to work on the heating in our room.”

“It made sense to do the guest rooms at the time so we could make money,” you reminded, spinning around softly so you could face him. “Besides, I remember you saying at the time that we had each other to keep warm with.”

“That’s how peachy-pear came along,” he pointed out with a low chuckle and you slapped his shoulder playfully.

“We should get that heating sorted quickly then in case we end up growing more fruit,” you teased but Jinyoung shook his head in answer, leaning down to capture your lips briefly.

“I don’t mind growing more fruit with you.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It’s one way to keep us both warm, too.”

“Why did you turn up on my doorstep all those years ago?” you breathed out, staring at your husband lovingly. You still couldn’t quite believe your luck.

As if he read your mind, Jinyoung smiled. “It wasn’t luck that brought me here. It was a need to find my forever home.”

“You chose well in a broken-down inn,” you retorted, to which he chuckled again.

“It has its charm,” he said before nuzzling his nose into yours. “And it has you.”

_________________

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Mismatch- Part 5

Bio Dad Bruce Wayne Month 2020

Fine if meeting them didn’t give them a clue maybe this will.

First < Previous > Next

------

“So Tim said you have a lot of siblings?” Marion asks Dick as they walk down the hall, he chuckles.

“You could say that, we aren’t all blood, but we’re still family,” He guides them down the stairs, the elevator not being large enough for the whole class.

“Doesn’t matter to us,” Marinette chimes in, “We’re adopted too, we never met our birth parents,”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Marion hums, “I don’t think Aunt Selina is actually related to Papa either,”

“People always say that we look like her though,” Marinette smiles, “Although they do say the same about Maman,”

“I’m sure you’ll fit right in with us, you’ve got the whole black hair, blue eyes going for you,” Dick jokes, as they reach the end of the stairwell, “On this floor we have some of our publicity team who manage the image for Wayne enterprises and the Wayne family,”

“It’s still kinda rude for him to ignore you,” Alya was clearly unaware of her own hypocrisy. Dick ignores them in turn and carries on.

“Bruce was just surprised, I didn’t want to interrupt,” Lila explains, clearly not having heard any of the conversation between the newly acquainted cousins.

“Hopefully you get some time with them, if the twins don’t hog it all,” Sabrina glare can be felt.

“I’m sure once the shock runs out they’ll have plenty of spare time to catch up,” Lila gloats, “I have known the Waynes a lot longer, the twins are just strangers,”

“You two do seem pretty strange to me,” Dick whispers teasingly, before speaking out to the rest of the group.

“You have no idea,” Marion glances at his satchel carrying two small gods.

“-I’ll talk to them,” Kim speaks up, speeding up to reach the twins. Lila having said something in the five seconds they weren’t paying attention that caused him to take action.

He walks over to them, to his credit only hesitating slightly under Kagami’s glare.

“Hey, you should know Lila’s pretty upset you didn’t let Bruce say hello,” Kim whispers to him, even though everyone could hear. Marion stops and turns to him.

“Kim, if Bruce wanted to say hello he would have,” Not that Bruce would have, “In case you didn’t notice we were talking with Dick most the time,”

“I just think you should back off, Lila doesn’t get to see the Waynes often,” Kim frowns, glancing back at Lila who was playing her part, looking distraught.

Marion tries not to smirk, thinking; ‘Clearly not as she can’t recognise one right in front of her’

“Kim you know we don’t get to see our Aunt often,” Marion scolds, Kim flinches probably at reminder they were childhood friends, “Mr Wayne can invite whoever he wants, he could be literally anyone, I don’t care, I just want to spend time with my Aunt,”

Marion leaves the shocked Kim behind, he rejoins his sister and friends.

“The idiot doesn't talk to you for weeks but comes running the second Lila beckons, ridiculous,” Chloe is glaring back at the boy who is talking to Lila now, as her frown grows.

“Maybe he’s telling her to back off?” Marinette rubs comforting circles on Marion’s shoulder.

“I doubt it, he’s pissed at me for some reason,” Marion shrugs, Marinette takes the hint and drops her hand with one last pat.

“Probably Lila related,” Adrien says sadly, as Kim rubs his head sheepishly with a quiet laugh.

“Can’t completely blame her,” Marion speaks the most unlikely words, “You guys know how we are with plans,”

“A true friend would not betray you for a few cancellations,” Kagami fumes, as they walk through an office area with a view looking down at the street below, “Adrien and I also have similar situations,”

“That’s right, I’m the only one in this group with any sense of punctuality,” Chloe boasts teasingly, Dick doesn’t interrupt them.

“You were once an hour late for a picnic cause you were doing your hair,” Marion snickers.

“Did you see my hair that day?” Chloe gestures to her hair, “Worth it,”

“It was-”

Kagami was cut off by the loud shattering of glass. Everyone ducked as glass spilled everywhere, shouting or screaming. Marion drops into a defensive stance, Marinette, Kagami, Chloe and even Dick doing the same. Marion watches as a figure lands on a desk with a grunt, an employee hiding underneath it. Marion's eyes go wide as he watches Red Hood- the Red Hood trying to push himself up. His totally-not-fanboying is cut off when a villain he doesn't recognise jumps through the broken window. Marion watches as the villain takes slow purposeful strides towards Red Hood, glass crunching underneath his boots. Marion ignores Dick as he tries to herd the class out of the room, most employees already making their way to the emergency exits. Minus the one who was trapped underneath Red Hood.

“Well Hood, seems I’ve got you,” The villain looms over him, taking aim.

Marion sprints into action, using his momentum to tackle the villain. Sending him off balance, bullet hitting the opposite wall. First order of business; the gun.

“What the-get off,” The villain aims the gun at Marion, the angle making it hard as Marion is standing on the opposite side.

As he turns Marion holds on tighter lifting his feet off the ground. Putting the villain off balance again and keeping Marion out of reach. Marion uses the hesitation to slip behind him, vaulting onto the villains shoulders. He wraps his legs around the villains neck

“You little-” Both arms come up out of instinct to get him off.

Marion grabs the arm with the gun, holding it with both of his. Pointing the gun up to the ceiling. A punch connects with his side, the impact muted by the bullet proof armour he wears underneath. Marion looks behind them, judging if the space is big enough to pull him down without hitting the desks. He also looks further back, making sure no one would be in the path of gunfire. Deeming that both are clear he leans back, making the villain shout as he loses balance, sending them both down. Marion falls as safely as possible in his position.

They hit the ground with a grunt. The villain loses all the air in his lungs because of the impact. Marion doesn’t risk losing his grip on the villain to disarm him. He keeps his hold as steady as possible as the villain starts to struggle. The punches to his side start to give a dull ache, the angel making the blows less powerful at least. Great, this was usually the part where Ladybug would swoop in. In light of any magical Ladybugs marion squeezes his legs tighter, trying to make the villain pass out. The villain starts firing his gun blindly, Marion flinches at the sound, far too close to his ear. Making him realise just how close the gun was to his head, he closes his eyes and turns away instinctually. He braces for another blow but it doesn't come, then the shooting stops.

“Fuck,” The villian shouts, Marion opens his eyes turning his head towards the gun. He sees the heel of a boot pressing down into the villain's wrist. The grip on the gun goes lax and the boot kicks it away.

Marion follows the leg up to see Red Hood standing over them. The angle making him seem much larger, casting a shadow over Marion. The expressionless mask staring right down at him. Marion gulped, yeah that might be slightly intimidating

“Sorry,” Red Hood grunts, pulling the villains arm at an unnatural angel making him yelp.“Getting thrown through a window ain't fun,”

“Tell me about it,” Marion knows exactly how that feels, as Chat Noir, and this guy is just a human. How quickly did he get back up? It couldn't have been over a minute in the scheme of things. And oh wow he was still standing over him and Marion was having a hard time keeping his eyes on his face or rather helmet.

“I think he’s out,” Red Hood says with a slightly amused tone.

Marion jolts, not having even noticed how the villain stopped struggling. He relaxes his grip cautiously, ready to hold back on if he starts moving.

“Pass me that arm,” Red Hood says, taking out a pair handcuffs snapping them around the wrist he was already holding.

Marion just keeps staring until Red Hood starts to just reach down. He startles, thrusting the limp arm into his hand and scrambling up, trying not to blush. Red hood secures the villains wrists before dropping them. He steps to the side and pushes the villain out of the way.

“Are you ok?” Red Hood crouches down to ask, Marion stares dumbly, “What's your name? Where are you?”

“.... Marion…. Wayne Tower….” Marion falters a little(a lot) star struck, before realising why he’s asking, “I don’t have a concussion! I’m fine really!”

Red Hood nods, standing back up. He reaches out an arm to help Marion up. Marion wants to take his hand, he really does, but his arms don’t seem to be moving. He’d probably just trip over anyway. Red Hood lets his arm drop once its clear Marion won’t be responding anytime soon. Instead he reaches down and throws the unconscious villain over his shoulder.

“I’m sure you’re going to get plenty of lectures on how stupid that was,” Marion cringes at the harsh tone “So… thanks…. that was really brave,”

Marion is left to internally combust as Red Hood swings out the window with a grappling hook.

“Marion! Mari! Are you ok,” Marinette rushes to him, followed by the rest of the class.

“What just happened?” Marion is still staring at the spot Red Hood disappeared from.

“Dude, you took that guy down in seconds!” Nino exclaims, Marion fixes his glasses only the magic of the miraculous keeping them on.

“Huh, it felt longer,” Marion turns to his class to see everyone, minus Lila, looking down at him with concern.

“We need to get you checked out,” Dick helps him stand,“There's a medical bay in Wayne tower, lets go,”

Marion just nods, slowly coming to himself to realise he was very much not alright. He clutched his side that ached, armour shielding the majority of the damage didn’t mean it wasn’t hurting. His back also hurt from landing on the ground, luckily Marinette had reinforced his jacket so he knew it wasn't cut up. Apparently he had gotten away with no cuts, as he had kept his head off the ground and was wearing reinforced gloves. His ears were ringing from the gunshots, in hindsight, that hold wasn’t the best idea, but they rarely had to deal with actual guns so he was left unprepared.

They reach the medical bay, Dick trying to get his classmates and teacher to calm down the whole way. Marion didn’t answer any of their questions, knowing he had to consider his answers carefully. He made sure to pass Marinette his baton, for her to hide in her backpack. In the medical bay there were a few employees who were part of the attack getting their cuts disinfected. Marion gets a thank you from an employee who he recognises as the one trapped under the desk. Marion nods in response, being guided to a seperate room only Marinette was allowed into.

The nurse checks him over, revealing a growing bruise on his side. He seems surprised it's not worse after Marinette explains what happened, luckily he doesn’t notice anything amiss about his clothes. He also checks his back, telling him it should be fine in a day or two and if it’s not, to see a professional. Marion knows that even if something is wrong his increased healing ability from his time as the black cat would set it right.

“The ringing should wear off in a few days,” Marion knows it will stop by the end of the day, “It’s a natural symptom after loud noises,”

Marion nods and the nurse leaves him to rest, letting Marinette watch over him.

“That was reckless,” Marinette states simply, as soon as the door closes.

“Can we save the lecture for later?” He rolls over on the bed the nurse insisted he rest on.

“Marinette is right,” Tikki flies out of her purse, followed by Kaalki and Plagg. Plagg doesn't say anything just comes to sit on Marion’s chest. “Your whole class was watching,”

“I know! I just wasn't thinking!” Marion pats Plagg's head, silently telling him he’s alright.

“I don’t know,” Marinette leans back and smirks, “I think you were thinking of one thing in particular,”

“No, go back to the lecture,” Marion buries his face in the pillow.

“So how was meeting him? You seemed a little flustered,” Marinette leans her elbows on her knees and holds her face.

“Ugh, I was totally embarrassing, wasn’t I?” Marion fixes her with pleading eyes.

“Oh, definitely, you also completely ignored him trying to help you," Marion screams into the pillow,

“This seems to be an effective punishment,” Kaalki muses, zipping away with the rest of the Kwamis when someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Marinette calls, as Marion sits up.

“Marion Cheng-Dupain, explain yourself!” Aunt Selina bursts through the door.

“Auntie! Who I love so much, so good to see you, did I tell you that you look lovely today,” Marion shifts back as she approaches.

“Nice try, why did I get a call from Dick telling me you were in the medical wing?” She stops to stand in front of him, hands on hips.

“I assume it’s because of the villain attack,” Marion glances at the door to see Dick peek in before closing it, “But I’m not sure,”

“A villain attacked you!” Selina bellows, Marion realises its probably a good thing he can't give her their name.

“Well no. The villain attacked Red Hood, I attacked the villain before he could attack Red Hood,” Marion rambles making gestures to explain the process. Marinette gives him a flat look.

“So you thought attacking a villain unarmed was a better idea then running away?” Their Aunt looks horrified through her anger.

“Yes that would be the gist of it,” Marion agrees, Marinette face palms.

“Don’t worry I’ve already given him a lecture,” Marinette covers and Marion knows he owes her one.

“What am I going to do with you?” Their Aunt sighs rubbing her face.

“Give me a hug and ask if I'm alright?” She rolls her eyes knowing exactly what he’s trying to do, but sits down next to him anyway.

“Come here you two,” Marinette comes and sits next to her and she pulls them both in for a hug, “You’re not allowed to scare me like that ever again,”

“Ever?-ouch,” Marion yelps as Selina pinches his cheek playfully.

“You’re meant to say ‘sorry I won’t do it again’ and then be sneakier about it next time,” She scolds, as Marion rubs his cheek.

“I promise next time I decide to impulsively fight a villain you won’t find out about it,” Marion swears, making their aunt roll her eyes.

“You’re a brat,” She ruffles his hair, not that it wasn't already messy.

“I get it from you,” Marion grins, Selina sighs.

”... yes you do,” She gives him a sad little smile and they fall into a familiar silence.

This was something their Aunt did often, randomly becoming solemn and closing off for a little bit.

“Marion, Marinette are you ok?” Madame Bustier pokes her head through the door.

“Yeah, nurse said I’m fine, just a few bruises,” Marion sees her relief, "Did you call our parents?"

"Yes I called yours first, I told them you were being looked at," Madame Bustier explains, "You should call them soon,"

"We will," Marinette promises, neither looking forward to that conversation.

“Alright then, are you free to go?” Madame Bustier asks, “The rest of the tours been cancelled and the class is ready to leave,”

“I’ll take them,” Selina steps in, hugging them tighter “I’ll drop them off at the hotel later,”

“Alright then, don’t stay out too late” Madame Bustier gives them a smile, disappearing behind the door.

“She isn’t even going to ask where we’re going,” Their Aunt huffs, glaring at the door.

“Aren’t we going to dinner?” Marion asks, Marinette nodding.

“I was planning on just letting you rest without your classmates bothering you,” Their Aunt admits

“I’m fine, I want to go to dinner," Marion receives an unconvinced look from their Aunt.

"Please,” They chorus using their twin powers, that breaks her.

“Fine, fine," She relents, ruffling his hair again, Marinette's hat sparing her, "But Bruce probably needs some time to sort everything out,”

“Already handled,” Bruce walks through the door right on cue, “I must apologise for this happening to you both in my building,”

“Don’t worry about it, we’re fine,” Marinette answers for him, Marion getting tired of repeating himself.

“I watched the security footage," Bruce tells them, standing at the bed.

'right that exists' Marion thinks, 'I can practically fell Marinette scheming how to steal it', if only to immortalise his pain.

"Where did you learn to fight?” Bruce inquires, neither missing the subtle glance to Selina.

“Um, we taught ourselves, did some self defence classes,” Marinette answers, both feeling their Aunt relax against them

“Plus Aunt Selina has trained us a bit since we were kids,” Marion adds, with a teasing smile.

“Has she,” Bruce states, looking at his fiance.

“You little snitch,” Selina mocks anger, ruffling his hair with both hands now in retaliation, Marion laughs.

“If you aren’t up for dinner we can postpone to a later date,” Bruce tells him, Marion swears he can see a slight smile.

“No, no, I’m perfectly fine, I’d love to come,” Marion tries to push his Aunt away.

“If that's the case, we can go to the manor right now,” Bruce offers, the twins nod, “Just a minute, Selina?”

Selina leaves Marion's hair alone and follows Bruce out the room. Marion starts to go over the events of the last hour in his mind. Coming to a horrible realisation.

“Wait a minute… did Red Hood see me wearing his outfit!” Marion turns to Marinette.

“Oh come on, like he recognises it,” She says through her laughter.

‘He was wearing my MDC outfit’ Jason thinks excitedly to himself, having dropped the criminal off to the police.

‘He seemed scared so he probably isn’t a fan, maybe he just likes MDC’ Jason's thoughts sour, back at his shared safe house with Roy.

His phone rings. Jason is about to ignore it when he sees Alfred's name on the caller Id.

“Hello?”

“Master Jason I would like to invite you to dinner tonight,” Alfred speaks from the phone, as Jason paces around the apartment.

“What's the occasion?” Jason asks, Roy glances up from whatever he's making on the couch.

“Miss Selina’s niece and nephew are in town and it would be nice for them to meet the family,” Jason snorts.

'Family huh?' he doesn't dare say to Alfred.

“I believe you already met Marion today at Wayne Tower,” Jason pauses, recognising the name as the boy gave him when he was checking for a concussion.

“He’s Cat Woman’s nephew?” Jason whispers into the phone.

‘Makes sense his movements did seem similar to hers,’ Jason wonders if she properly trained them.

“Yes, although I doubt neither he nor Marinette are aware,” If Alfred was saying that it was probably true.

“Alright fine,” Jason agrees, drawing Roy's attention again.

“Very good Master Jason, I will see you this evening,"

"Bye," Jason hangs up shortly.

“You’re actually going to dinner?" Roy knows his relationship with the rest of the Bat's is testy at best, plus he broke Bruce's window today.

“Remember the civilian I told you about?” Jason plops down onto the couch next to him.

“The one who saved your butt? The one you haven't stopped talking about? The one who's kinda cute? nope,” Roy pops the 'p' turning back to his newest gadget.

“He’s going to be there,” Jason ignores Roy's taunting.

“Why?” Roy keeps fiddling with a gear.

“Apparently he’s Cat Woman's nephew,”

“What!" Roy drops the gadget, cursing as pieces scatter everywhere.

“I want to check on him, he seemed really out of it,” Jason ignores Roy's outburst.

“Wait so does that make you two like... adopted cousins in law or something?” Jason chuckles without any humour.

“In case you haven't noticed I haven't been Bruce's son for a long time,”

[twelvedy7]

Twisted - One shot

warning: sensitive topics (drugs). 

I just wanted to write something a bit different. It might be a bit OCC but I thought it might be a great fit for the manga universe.   This story won’t be published anywhere else than tumblr so feel free to save the story if you like it.

Oh and also english isn’t really my native language so sorry if there are incoherences. 

Takano had no sense of self-control. From a very young age he has been a witness of the sheer harshness of his mother and the complete indifference of his father towards their family. Despite how much he tried to convince himself of his difference he inherited from most of their flaws, which filled him with anger every time he thought about it. 

No wonder that whenever he met someone bright, kind, generous and appreciated he became more aware of his whole dark gloomy personality. That was the case with Ritsu he was still viewing today as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago.

No wonder that when he met this bright, kind and generous highschool kid he had become more aware of his dark gloomy personality. He was still viewing Ritsu as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago and yet he couldn’t understand for the life of him the reason why such a lovable person would waste their time with him rather than finding another likeable person that would be such a better companion than him.

If all the open rejections from the brunette could make him believe he hated him, he was at least smart enough to read between the lines and see what the other tried so hard to conceal under feigned anger and flustered reactions. 

What seemed to be like a bitter-sweet genuine love story from two ignorant teenagers who lost each other from a foolish misunderstanding was driving him straight into madness. Ritsu was constantly on his mind, invading his thoughts at any time of the day, reminding him of the terrible person he was and how he will never be nowhere near enough for him. Even in the poorly credible reality where the younger one would actually build up the courage to admit his feelings, he knew that their relationship was sealed to failure. 

One day Ritsu would mature and realise how incompatible they were and how idealistic they’ve been this whole time before leaving him to find another person that could offer him the support and love he needed. Maybe one day Ritsu would find the man of his dreams, different from senpai in every way, to finally live the blissful life he aspired to. That’s what broke his heart the most: they were not made for each other. No matter how hard he tried, it will never be enough because they were simply not meant to. 

He imagined Ritsu’s soulmate to be fun, social, caring, communicative and considerate which would make him forget all the turmoil he went through for all this time. His parents might be so enchanted by their personality that the fact they weren’t An-Chan wouldn’t even bother them.

The truth is he was physically and emotionally drained. He couldn’t feel a thing if it wasn’t his love for Ritsu and sometimes he felt as if that was his last tie with sanity. There were times where he would shut down his emotions. When it became too difficult to confront their inevitable fate, he would put himself in a semi-automatic mode working up to 15 hours straight without paying attention to anything or anyone, only accomplishing what he ought to.

Over time, he came to accept that he wasn’t able to love anyone without causing them a great deal of pain and suffering. That’s why he decided to distance himself from the few people who actually cared about him in his life and managed to bring him some split meaningful moments of happiness. It was like a lightning bolt shaking him from side to side, making him surrender to the hope of one day being able to spend the rest of his life with Ritsu and recovering from his long-lost friendship with Yokozawa. He hurt them both and didn’t deserve to be part of their lives. 

His phone vibrated. He broke off his thoughts to center his attention on the alias displaying on the screen: “Taisho” along with a message “I’m here.”

He stood up from the floor, came up to the entrance of his apartment and opened the door. A man of average-height in his mid-thirties was waiting for him. At first glance, he gave the impression of being a regular salary-man coming back home to his family after a long day of hard work. However, he came to discover that the man likely had a long history of debt behind him involving matters such as a costly divorce and low paychecks.

Not bothering to greet him, he pulled out 6,000 yen from his pocket and handed it to the fearful looking man who replaced the notes with a small transparent plastic bag containing a white powder. 

“Same thing next week?” asked the anxious black-haired man, his light blue eyes too faithful to be a dealer squeezing behind his oval glasses. 

“Yeah. See you.” 

Without giving him a second glance, he double-locked the door and came back to his dimly lit living room that felt so lonely without Ritsu here. It would take some time, if not forever, to prevent this heavy load in his heart from manifesting every time he would find himself alone without the prospect of his first love joining him any time soon. 

It still pained him… Nao came unannounced in the office earlier in the morning and asked Ritsu out for something that too likely looked like a date. A walk in the city center, a restaurant, and a nighttime exposure. That bastard. 

The rare times he had managed to take Ritsu out for a date was by forcefully dragging him out of his apartment or bluntly lying by message playing the card of ‘emergency’. He remembered the dull ache he felt in the morning as he realised how easy it was for his “best-friend” to take him out to a full outing while he had to prepare a strategy days ahead just to drink a coffee together. 

Opening the tiny bag in his hands, he chased away his dark thoughts and kneeled in front of his coffee table, pouring half of the powder out on its surface and realigned it in two fine lines with the help of an old credit card. He usually didn’t take such high doses in one shot, but tonight he knew that he needed it. The accumulated pain and overthinking were taking a toll on him. Rolling a paper, he brought it to his right nostril and sniffed the first line, ignoring the burning pain in his cavity before passing it to his left one and repeated the action.

A few seconds later he started feeling the tiny molecules flowing through his blood system, noticing the faster pace of his heart beat and the gradual relaxation of his muscles as the drug invaded his mind.

He closed his eyes. 

As always, the thrill was exquisite. The far away sounds of ambient city noises echoed and at some point the only thing he could decipher in the absolute silence was his own breath. His body was soft and any psychological pain he felt instantly disappeared. It was as if someone had covered him with a warm fluffy blanket while stroking his hair with a gentle grasp, providing him an endless feeling of comfort and security he so desperately needed. 

At that moment, everything stopped and all his troubles went away. Nothing mattered anymore. He was back being a young child pampered by a protective mother he never had with an unconditional sense of love. Pleasurable sensations coursed through his body from head to toes until his spirit went numb and he lost any notion of space and time. 

He reached that moment of nothingness that he wished could last forever.

___ 

“Takano-san!” 

...

“Takano-san!” 

Who was it? 

The voice seemed so far away he wasn’t even sure it was real.

“Masamune!” Why would someone try to break the silent darkness that was surrounding him?

For what seemed like hours, he felt himself trapped in-between the process of gaining and losing consciousness. He didn’t want to be drawn from his deep slumber yet.

He recognized some familiar voices in the background but it was hard to put a name on them as they seemed to continuously echo. 

It took him several more minutes to realise that people were present and it shook him. He became hyper aware of his environment.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a bunch of white blouses around him scampering around the room at a feverish speed. 

His mind whirled. The world seemed to be going so fast but his brain was so slow. 

His golden eyes blinked several times to adjust to the brightness of the room. In an instant he was blinded by the artificial light of the leds on the ceiling. 

In the chaos of all the fast-paced strangers around him, he felt a delicate hand fondling with the hair on the short back of his neck and let out a soft tired moan escape his lips. 

“Takano-san can you hear me?!” 

He groggily stretched out his limbs while burying his head on the petite body frame behind him and looked up to see who was the kind stranger offering him such soft intentions. 

Above him were two wide teary green eyes displaying a worried expression. Despite his blurry vision, he could recognize the refined and familiar traits of the man he loved. It looked surreal, having the both of them like this sharing such intimacy in a restless atmosphere.

Next to him was standing Yokozawa in his usual professional attire. He could only watch them through half-closed eyes all the while trying to figure out what they were doing in his apartment in the first place.

“He’s stable now. Overdoses happen regularly when cocaine and other powerful stimulants are added to the equation. That’s what producers do nowadays to boost the effects”. Said a firm feminine voice. He could see the lady in white gesturing around to her colleagues and immediately realised what just happened. She was staring at him, probably trying to jauge how awake her patient was. 

“You were lucky Takano-san. This could have been much more serious.” 

He saw his friend sitting next to Ritsu, his usual severe expression ruptured by the deep crease in his eyebrows. 

“How did you find me?” asked the raven, his voice so weak he wasn’t sure the two others heard him. 

The brunette brought his face closer to his ear, petting his forehead as he replied in a shaky shy voice: “Yokozawa-san found you like this…” he heard a sneeze. “The front door was unlocked and your phone was ringing without you answering it. You… You stopped breathing.” 

He felt absolutely miserable. 

Trying to shift his position to have a better view of his comrades, he caught the look of utter disappointment and guilt from his older friend. He probably thought that he was long done with this dark hazardous period of his life. 

“I’m… I’m sorry... I didn’t want to…” 

His battle to stay awake was getting harder and harder. 

“It’s okay Masamune. Just rest for now.”

The nurse took a hold of his wrist and stuck the intravenous line with a patch. 

“We’re going to transfer you to the clinic as you need to take several tests. You’re safe now but your body needs to recover.” 

The hand that was playing with his hair resumed and he let his head fall back on his lap. This combined with the liquid in his body led him to a sleep without dreams.

___

When he woke up again, he found himself buried under the sheets of a hospital bed. It took him some time to become accustomed to the artificial lighting of the room. Gathering enough energy to finally keep his eyes open, he gazed at the clock at his right indicating 4:55AM.

The first thing he felt was an atrocious headache that hit him with a massive chest pain undertaking his whole body. He noticed the numerous wires connected to his skin accompanied with the steady regular bips of a machine.

He heard a light snore on his right. Shifting his head, he immediately saw the small fragile figure crawling up into a ball on the couch. A cheap blanket was covering him from toes to his neck. This sight made him feel so terribly selfish. As seconds went by he started getting back to a normal state of awareness despite a fizzy pang at the back of his skull. 

With as much strength as he could gather he sprawled a hand towards him and rested it on the others’ laps. He stroked his thigh lightly with the help of his thumb and stared at his seemingly exhausted resting face. He felt so worthless. He knew he had hurt him badly in the past already and the only thing he could think of is that this was too much.

“I’m so sorry Ritsu…”. 

After reuniting with his first love following the 10 years they had spent apart from one another he had started to believe in fate. Yet he had been too trustful, using it as a justification for every one of his impatient and inappropriate moves towards the younger one. Everything became painfully obvious. This whole thing they had was destructive and that was mainly his fault. It was time to finally respect the distance that Ritsu wanted and deserved. He could not go back to these college years pretending that nobody cared about him. 

Now Ritsu would need him. 

Still, they were nowhere near close from getting into a relationship. Too many mistakes had been made. It was crucial for both men to work on themselves first as jumping the steps one more time would only bring them unhappiness.

That day Takano swore he would stop pursuing Ritsu. He’s forever been broken and finally accepting to get help was a start towards a less twisted life.

“It’s okay Ritsu.” 

One day they would be okay. They would get the life they both secretly wanted. 

[donaidk]

Rhythm of Time - Part III

New year, new part, new banner, same old me with my ramblings... Not gonna make it long, just the usual quick thank you for reading this and all the other parts/stories and hope you guys will enjoy this too :) Part II | You’re here | Part IV Masterlist

„ What do you want? ” I asked immediately not to give him any time to start talking about anything else. He always had a reason to search me out, and it was never about anything usual for a lovely father-daughter chat. It was never that simple.

„ Congrats for the job with Haas. I knew they will realise your talents. ” He said, a smile getting on his face, which made my stomach turn. „ Don’t really know what you think of me. Can’t I congratulate my own daughter? ” He asked back, making me roll my eyes. I was just relieved that Mick already left and this was a private conversation.

„ You mean your personal slave? ” I bit back, crossing my arms in front of my chest while not taking my eyes off his ones. „ You never want to just chat. There’s always something ” I shook my head a little, as not one bit of my body wanted to be in his vicinity.

„ Oh, even you know that was only a misunderstanding. I would never do something like that. ” Dad let out a sigh but he could never make me rethink my decision about any of his business offers. They were all dirty traps, well covered by his connections.

„ Just like you would never hurt anyone else either. Right. ” His words made me roll my eyes again, and it didn’t help that I saw nothing like regret in his eyes after my question. „ Look, I have a real job to do, not like others… I would appreciate it if you could just get out of my way and not try your dirty tricks out on me. I know you too well already. I’m immune. ” I shook my head, rather walking back to the paddock, to get a car with someone else from the team, as I didn’t want to waste one more driver’s time for just one passanger.

„ Mona… Don’t be like this to your own dad. ” He came after me immediately, but as soon as I felt his hand around my wrist anger pumped through my veins and I tore my hand away from him.

„ Don’t you dare play that card. You lost your right to do so years ago. You have nothing to do with me, and I would be the happiest human on this Earth if I could never see you again. I rue ever getting to know you. ” I glared at him, turning back just so I could push him back from myself. I never felt so much hatred towards a family member prior to the day I realised all his wrong doings. Him calling my name again just restarted the fire inside me, once more. „ I don’t have your name for a reason. Do me a favour and forget me finally. You should be fucking grateful that Mum still believes you. ” I poked his chest before turning on my heels so I could finally get to our garage as soon as possible, where I knew he wasn’t allowed in.

I let out a sigh as soon as I was finally inside and sat down next to Pete who was still going through data before they would have to get the garage packed up. The car was already back in it’s place and even though it was covered on most parts you could see the broken suspensions sticking out. I knew they would have to start fixing it for the next race, although they had more time for it as the next one was in only two weeks time. It was probably lucky that it wasn’t during a race that was followed by another immediately. Made everyone’s job easier and gave them time to completely fix it and get it back where it was before. With a sigh I looked back at the screens even though I knew I couldn’t really help them in any way. This wasn’t really my field and I would have probably either messed up everything or I just wouldn’t even be able to comment on any part of the data if they ever asked for my opinion.

In the end I stayed until they all were done and gladly helped packing up as I really didn’t feel like going outside of the pitlane, and giving a chance for my father to try talking to me again. I didn’t know if he had the balls to stay right until he would be kicked out with the last few visitors, or if he gave up after my response to his approach. Maybe I was giving him too much credit with the second option, but I wanted to believe that it was possible. It would mean I was getting closer to finally getting fully out of his grasp. The media coming up with rumours involving him and I twice a year was truly enough for my mental health. I didn’t need him giving them even more to report on, breaking down my reliability day by day, pushing me further away from my goal of working in the sport without being connected to him. changing my name was one step, but I knew quite well it wouldn’t solve everything and people will still know who I am and who brought me up until my realisation that he was no good as a parent and I could finally take my own decisions.

It was already quite late when the car that took Pete, two of the mechanics and myself, back to the hotel arrived at the destination and we could get out. I dragged myself to the elevator, taking it up to my level where I separated from the guys and went to my own room. The little LED on the lock just turned green and I was about to push down the handle when the door two down from mine opened and I turned towards the sound, getting caught off guard by the movement I saw from the corner of my eyes.

„ Hello. ” Mick greeted me as he stepped out of his room, making me nod in his way. „ Are you coming to dinner? ” He asked again, making me stop in my tracks and step back before I would be inside my own room.

„ I already ate, but thank you. ” I lied and shook my head a little, but before I would have stepped inside I forced myself to look up at him. „ Sorry for the car situation. He can time his ’visits’ quite terribly. ” I added with a sigh hoping that bringing it up won’t just make it even more awkward. There was only silence after my apology, making me want to take back everything I said. I was just about to do that when he was quicker and spoke up.

„ Do you want to talk about it? I mean that usually helps… if you talk it out with someone. ” He surprised me, as I anticipated him trying to get out of the situation rather than offering help. „ It doesn’t have to be me though. You probably have your own friends who usually help you with these things. ” He shrugged a little, almost leaving for the diner when I nodded my head.

„ I would appreciate that. ” I added to my gesture so he would know for sure what I meant. „ Only if you have the time to do so. I don’t want to take up your free time. ” I spoke up quickly again, realising I had no right to change up his whole schedule with my own problems. He probably had better things to do than listen to my rambling about my dad being an asshole.

„ I’m completely free. I’m just gonna get dinner and head back here. Take a shower until then. ” He offered, making me nod again and finally enter my room as soon as he was further away from me, already at the end of the hallway to get into the elevator. Before he would turn around and see me still standing there, I stepped inside closing my door.

His idea did plant a seed in my head, and even though I didn’t plan on it, I took a warm shower, putting my hair up in a towel in the end as I got some clothes out of my suitcase, to change out of the robe. I would have probably just got my pajamas on, but knowing I will have someone over I thought it would be better to get normal clothing out. I was just about to brush through my hair when there was a knock on the door, making me confused for a second, before I got to the door and opened it up. Mick with two containers of food wasn’t a sight in front of me that I anticipated. As soon as I stepped aside he came inside, handing me one of the containers.

„ Robert sent it, knowing you didn’t eat at the track and wasn’t going to do so here if you didn’t come down with me. ” He answered my silent question that my risen eyebrow held, making me smile a little. Some of the crew knew me too well, I guess. „ So, a movie or just chatting? ” He asked, making me look up to see him take a seat on the couch like it was his room we were in. Somehow it still didn’t make me feel abashed as it felt strangely normal.

„ We can start something if you want. Won’t promise that my mind will take it in though. ” I let out a sigh, getting the remote from the TV in front of the couch before sitting down on the other side opposite to him. I watched him take it from my hand before switching it onto a channel that was playing the highlights from today, making me chuckle. „ Guess that won’t strain my poor brain. ” I shook my head, opening the top of the container to see one of my favourites inside.

We watched the replays on the screen as we dived into our food, although there wasn’t really anything we haven’t seen before. I felt myself tense up when they showed the only crash of the race, which was of course Mick’s, but I was glad to see that wasn’t one bit affected by it now. They usually got over them easily, if it wasn’t anything serious or life changing. I was about to finish my meal when they changed to some interviews and immediately felt sickness take over me when I saw the name Jason Hackett written out on the screen and just seconds later the camera turned to show my dad with a full on grin, standing in front of a microphone. They were asking him about rumours of him bringing back the Hackett name into F1 and even though he denied to have any plans like that right now he did hint on having talks with one of the teams. My stomach turned in a way I thought was impossible, at the idea of my father getting to work with another team after how the last occasion like this ended a few years ago.

„ Guess we know why he was there today at least. ” Mick sighed next to me, although I couldn’t break my glance away from the TV until he went off screen finally. „ Although it’s quite a bold statement that someone would like to work with him, taking the outcome of his last sponsorship with a team into account. ” He added with a scoff, making me nod in agreement. I really didn’t know what to think about this all together.

„ You know he’s my father, don’t you? ” I asked him when I was finally out of the trance the interview caused me to fall into. „ Stupid question. Probably everyone knows, however hard I’m trying to keep it from them. ” I poked at a piece of a chicken angrily, almost poking myself in the hand through the material of the box.

„ I wouldn’t say everyone knows. Your friends for sure do, but for example the mechanics probably never even thought you have a connection to him. Only way if they really looked into the cases back when they happened. ” He shook his head a little, mostly just looking at his own food, which wasn’t the sign I was looking for. I had to make myself remember that he was still the one to bring this up and come to my room. „ You’re not running around telling everyone, and also joined the team after all the changes, so they didn’t even have your ’real’ name to start off on. ” He added with a shrug looking back up at me, my worries fading away about him feeling trapped in this conversation.

I had to agree with him, as I really didn’t give myself away for everyone. Why would I? My only dream was to finally get out of his shadow so I could be my own person finally and not just a puppet of his. We stayed in silence watching the TV as they changed to some biking footage from the previous day, while I was still in my thoughts mostly. It was probably one of my worst traits, spending at least two quarters of my time inside my thoughts, completely shutting the outside word out. It gave me the chance to work things out inside without getting anyone worried about me, but I mostly stressed about things that weren’t worth it anyways, making me waste my time.

„ Did you know back then? When I still had his name? ” I asked him, still looking straight at him as I really didn’t want to miss his expression so he couldn’t lie to me. He took a deep breath, probably debating how he should put his words.

„ They made sure I knew. They told us who he was as the accusations were quite fresh back then. But I didn’t know that you’re his daughter. ” He shook his head, looking quite truthful and I believed him. He didn’t give me a reason to do otherwise. „ When I woke up, I had texts from the PR managers that there were photos of the two of us talking with a group of people. They asked me to keep clear of you until I had my contract signed, so photos like these won’t bring my future team an unsure feeling about me. ” My hand stopped in the middle of lifting the fork to my mouth, resting the silverware down on the box again. That wasn’t something I thought about.

„ That’s lovely. Although, I understand their fears. Even I know how messy he leaves everything he touches. There aren't many who can steal millions and still stay out of jail. ” I rolled my eyes, closing the top of my box as I lost most of my appetite. „ Lucky that I stood up against him, isn’t it? At least I’m not someone in their eyes who may interfere with things for him. ” I sighed, crossing my arms in front of my chest. It was the only thing I feared, losing all the respect I worked for in the past few years just because they think I’m here thanks to him.

„ How did you end up at Haas actually? You never mentioned that before. ” He questioned me, making me look up from the floor again.

„ Erica was a family friend of ours who stood up against my dad when he was accused of stealing money through sponsorships. Back then she was still in F2, and then she helped me get my voice heard after he messed up again just with an F2 team. ” I started my story that I never actually told anyone before. Not many were curious enough to actually ask. „ Then when I started university but realised it wasn’t what I wanted she took me as a trainee and helped me get my education in PR management in a way that was compatible with our travelling, so I would have the qualifications if I wanted to look for something outside of Haas in the future. ” I finished up with a smile on my face from the memories. I could only thank Erica for me. She was almost more family to me than my own blood. She trusted me, even when they considered me a wild card in the media.

„ Guess everyone needs a mentor in their life? ” He asked with a similar smile on his face and I could only nod in agreement. Having someone guide you wasn’t too bad of a thing, until they only had good intentions. If someone, Mick probably understood my position the best out of the team members we had.

[a-real-ackerman]

Perfect Scenario

Sherlock Fanfic

summary: You, a super human, an excellent actor and a liar with debatable ethics; are having a hard time overcoming feelings  no one new you were capable of. On top of it, you have to deal with your “arch enemy” who has dedicated himself on the way of ruining your chances at your new life.

pairing: Sherlock x superhuman!Reader 

warnings: Mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, violence, language and horrible mistakes... I dunno, I will write a current warning in red on every chapter.

A/N: Even tho I think Sherlock as an asexual character or not interested etc, I find working with well-known characters and less OC’s quite useful. Also, I see a lot of me in him so I will be writing about him more. Also, the reader is female. Also, gifs are never mine, all credits for those talented people. By the way, in case you see my mistakes don’t be shy, let me know! I am trying to improve my English.

Chapter One: “Trembling Hands.”

      “You don’t know who you are, unlike me.” was written on the card  you  recently received. Menacing words written in an elegant handwriting, appeared by your window, every morning since last Friday. there you stood by your counter, your e/c eyes wandering over the same simple words again and again, in a hopeless struggle to find any clues. You did not know what they wanted or cared about; what part of you they assumed they knew? Your super powers? Your business? Your therapist? Your past? Your parents’ death? All the lies you have been telling whole the time? 

      What you could analyse from each of these notes were the fact that they actually new about you. The words they choose were written in a friendly manner which told you that even tho you have never met them, they knew enough to consider themselves close to you. 

      You had a few assumptions on who they could be:

A secret admirer, in a sense, stalker

A conspiracy theorist who have witnessed your... condition?

One of the investigator who had researched you in your teens

Jimmy

     No matter which one they were,(more likely to be a he), he was a stalker. You did not like stalkers. But you were interested in this one’s motive. You wanted to beat their game before they could put their filthy obsessive hands on your very new and clean life.

     Hopping off the counter, you rushed into the living room and put the card on the brown coffee stand in the middle of the room, right next to others. Walking trough cold blue walls of you flat, you kept mentally checking the places you usually control, in case there were cameras. You were going to take a shower after all.

          “I have to ask him first,” said the man on the line, Holmes’ face shot a fake kind smile as he was face to face with the doctor. “ tell my brother I said hi.”

         Doctor threw a look at the phone in disbelief as Holmes hang up the phone. Sherlock was not in his mood for a new case. Especially not a case from his brother, which involves scammers, government, some mafia and a class action lawsuit that could bring them a big amount of money. The detective was too busy in his mind palace.

        John entered the flat and found his flatmate already waiting for him, sat on his chair with hands in praying position, eyes boring into him like he’s trying to ask something.

       Uncomfortable under the gaze, “Yes, Sherlock ask away.” sighed John.

       “John,” said Sherlock, “I have a suggestion.”

        John looked at him in suspicion, his eyes narrowing.

        “How about going out to see a play tonight?”

         John exhaled out of surprise to his friend’s suggestion, was he asking him on a date? For a case (of course)? 

          “Don’t worry John, about whatever you thought of-I don’t’ prefer to vocalise it. I think we may have a new case, which includes the leading actor. She seems to play a big part in this case as much as the play. I also want to witness myself if she was as good as they talked about.”

         “It’s okay, Sherlock, just for once.”

         Sherlock baffled,” What do you mean by ‘just once’? This is a case just like the others, you don’t want to solve cases anymore?”

         “No,” insisted John, “All I’m saying is: it’s okay to be a human just for once.It’s okay to take interest in a play, film or a person-”

         “-I AM NOT INTERESTED,JOHN,”

         It was too late to deny, John was already going upstairs, with a smug smirk of a self-proud mother who has just embarrassed their teenager.

         You have once again saluted the audience, holding hands with your teammates. A little stronger than usual maybe, you didn’t want to throw the decors and people off the stage. Your hands were trembling more since you couldn’t stop the seconds passing; and your head got dizzier every movement, with the help of flashing stage lights. Mavis, your co-actor since high school, leaned over your ear; “You always get so excited when it ends!” she whispered without knowing anything.

       You shot your perfect, warmest smile as your eyes wandered around the place in case anyone was suspicious. You locked your eyes with an awfully familiar man around your age, with curly hair falling on his forehead and eyes piercing onto you. He knew, he knew something and made it clear. He knew you.

”There she is,” you saw him whispering to his friend. You could listen to them is you focused enough, thanks to not being so human.

         But you choose to not hear anything.Thanks to your instincts being quite active this afternoon, every word had felt no different than a knife stabbing her ears. All of this pain was because you couldn’t use your power today. You were a bomb waiting to explode, your hands itching to throw people to the walls and your screams desired to ruin every window in the city. 

     The torture soon ends, but always leaves you shaken up. You turned from the left corner of the entrance of the theatre and entered the cafe where you have tea every night after performance. You didn’t die to drink it every night actually, yet the calming mix thing of this cafe could put an angry elephant down. Naturally, you could calm down too. It eased your nerves and relaxed your muscles which helped you overcoming your power. I you didn’t bother to control your powers, let’s say, no one nearby could survive.

    Whatever, you took your usual seat and smiled at the kind young waiter. You knew each other now, so you didn’t have to talk.(dreamy isn’t it? not having to talk?) You looked out of the window, watching the shiny cars passing by and colourful lights dancing. You slowly turned to the man who just sat in front of you, his arms crossed on the table and eyes gazing you in a weird expression between curious and astonished. Admiring and contemptuous. Familiar and hateful. Friendly and strange.

    “I have to say I am totally astonished by your acting,” he started. You were right about astonished. You smiled firmly, just because this one was choosing his words firmly. If he is one of those creeps you would send him off. But you had to be careful these days, anyone could lead you to the stalker.

    “You come here often.”

    “Yes, it’s not new. Everyone who has taken interest in stalking me knows.”

     He let out a chuckle which you didn’t expect to be this natural.”Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Ironic, since I have come to apologise for making you uncomfortable.”

    His gaze took a lovely, apologising, soft form, which could melt your heart if you didn’t realise him checking for your expressions in between seconds. He was trying to impress you, for what?

    “It’s not very comforting of you when you follow me to a cafe.”

    “So it did,” he said, paying too much attention on your hands while you reached out to your tea.

    “Is he bothering you miss?” asked the waiter protectively, his voice a few octave deeper than usual.

    “I am fine, thank you Oscar.” you watched him walking away with a nod.”So what did what?”

    “Me. Looking at you. You noticed me in hundreds of people. You saw us talking about you.”

    “Please don’t start with that ‘love-at-first-sight-soulmate’ shit.” 

    “I was actually going to start with ‘you-somehow-know-you-are-in-danger’ shit.”

     Your mouth dropped with his super sassy mic drop. You had to be clueless, oblivious and self centred now. You were a normal person now.

     “Is this a threat? I am amused.” you smirked, don’t let them him the fear.

     “No,” he rolled his eyes, “This is an offer.”

      “I am Sherlock Holmes.”

      “OH!” you relaxed, “I know you, (y/n)(s/n).” you answered shaking his hand.

"Come on, drink it. You seem to be dying for it."

   You reached to the cuppa, not being able to hide your hands. As soon as this herbal smell filled your nose and followed it's way to your heart, a soft needy smile appeared on your lips. You felt your muscles getting back to normal.You opened your eyes.

"Now look," you threatened suddenly," if you are here to investigate my parents' death and sue me for it..."

He was more focused now, his gaze melted down to a more intense, even a curious one.

"I am tired. I am tired of this. For all my teenage years, my past, people defined me as a liar. So keep going, keep evoking my traumas. You won’t find what you’re looking for."

"There is a huge misunderstanding, "

He comforted you, leaning more onto the table, you almost loved this caring facade, a pair of eyes; signing no danger, no threat but just a simple caring feeling, were more than enough to let your guard down and believing someone. Just this once.

"I don't want to sue you. I offer you my help. Someone has opened your case again."

This was too much for you, with all energy trapped in your body your heart started to ache, your hands trembling in a way no one could stop.

"Trembling hands."

"What?"

"Show them."

You obeyed, held them up in front of him.

"I thought tea would help you."

"It does. When no one triggers me."

"Everything could trigger you. You live alone in the house your very own parents committed suicide. You don't even have pets which is surprising because you love animals, judging by a different cat and dog fur on your pants, coat, jumper, pretty much everywhere. You also have been avoiding your therapist, judging by the notification sound that you didn't answer after seeing the name. And no, it can not be your lover because you are alone live alone and have no attempt on your physical self-care, in addition, the cafe you go nearly every day or your friend group doesn't look for someone else after you arrive on your own. But those are not clear assumptions, knowing what your parents like is enough to assume you prefer to be single. You are alone for a reason. You think you’re dangerous.

So you live alone, have no one, and Scotland Yard is investigating you. You get stalked and for a reason, you always stay sharp and have a very defensive observant personality.

You are interesting enough for me. I will take your case."

"Is this a nerd way of asking for my number? If it is I will say yes."

"No, it's better, it is a smart way to interest you."

" What for? Why will you help me?"

" Because there is a game waiting for me,” he sighed, “and I am bored."

"Fine, this is my number here-"

"I already have it!"

Then he rushed out, putting his collars up, ruffling his hair.

A/N: I want to thank @fanfictionislovefanfictioni-blog​ for the request! 

[imnotwolverine]

It’s a 50/50 thing

Henry Cavill x OC Lisa - multi-chapter fic

Author’s note: A little bit of cute fluffy fluff. I’m also slowly adding more imagery to my stories, since I realise they do get a bit lengthy every now and then. Hope you ladies and gents enjoy that. Have a nice Thursday!

Word count: 2.420

Disclaimer: fluff

---

This is part 10 of the Tea for Two story. 

Find the Masterlist here. 

---

< Go back to part 9

The end credits rolled over my dark laptop screen. It was evening and the house smelled of our activities today. Meaning: sweat, sex, pizza, in that order. We had not even bothered to put on any clothes today - Henry had simply slipped in my fluffy pink robe when Kal needed a pee break - and right now we had ended up more then satisfied and mildly sleepy, in my bed, watching a movie. Or should I say our bed? I looked over at Henry, who was scrolling through some memes on his phone, smiling occasionally. Cute dork. And as if he hadn’t completely bruised me with his love making yet, I once more felt my loins fire up. Gosh. We were like horny teenagers who’s parents weren’t home for the day. 

Thinking of…parents. Hmm. My eyebrows knitted together at the uneasy thought of meeting his parents next week. At the fucking London premier of this Witcher season. Talking of a bad moment. But I guess we might as well get it over with…

‘What are you thinking? I can almost hear the cogs and wheels turning in your pretty head dear.’ Henry hummed, finally looking away from his screen. He looked so devilishly beautiful with his dark long curls messily framing his strong features, those satisfied, loving blue eyes lingering on my face. His body was propped up against some pillows, the duvet barely covering his private parts. Henry raised an eyebrow as he saw my eyes linger down his abs. ‘Again?’ He purred, chuckling softly. ‘Oh..oh no. I was just..thinking of meeting your parents.’ I said, sucking in my lips - something I did whenever I felt a bit uncomfortable. ‘Hmmm.’ Henry rolled on his side, pulling my face closer so he could place a kiss on my forehead. ‘Are you nervous?’ He asked honestly, looking down into my eyes. GODS why did this man smell so good. Okey brain. Not now. ‘I ..eh..think so. A bit. That’s normal right?’ I rolled onto my back, looking at the ceiling. ‘Especially since it’s going to be at the ..premier.’ I added, sighing softly.

Henry let a hand travel over the soft skin of my arm before finally resting it on my hand, which I had folded over my belly. He hesitated a moment, putting away his phone on the night stand, then propping up his head on one arm. ‘I eh…maybe we can…’ He halted his words, studying my face as I kept looking at the ceiling. ‘Are you upset?’ He said softly. I looked back at him, a reassuring smile playing softly at my lips. ‘No…I know you can’t help it. It just happens to be the way it is.’ I shrugged, staring back at the ceiling before closing my eyes, breathing out softly. ‘Sweetheart..’ His hand cupped my face, turning it towards his in a gentle manner before placing his hand back on my belly. I kept my eyes closed. ‘Hmm?’ I hummed. ‘Look at me.’ He begged softly. I instantly opened my eyes, seeing a flash of insecurity and hurt in his eyes. ‘Bearr…’ I whispered, also cupping his cheek. ‘Oh!…You do know I really want to meet your parents? And that other then a slight inconvenience, it really isn’t the end of the world that I’ll be meeting them there?’ I searched his eyes, but saw he had closed off his emotions again, trying to be strong. Why did he keep doing that? What happened that he got so insecure about this?

I sighed as he remained quiet, then continued; ’You know. I’ve had some rather..interesting meet-the-parents moments with my exes. The best one yet is probably when I met the parents of a german ex boyfriend. He was a musician and I had, on a whim, decided to join him to one of his shows in Germany. He had said his parents weren’t home that night, so we’d be staying at his parents place. It saved us a whole night of driving, so that seemed like a solid plan. Little did we know that his parents were to be having a family brunch the next day, and they’d be bringing grandma and some aunts and uncles..you guessed it; at his parents house. We had been sleeping in since we’d gotten home around 4-ish..and just while I wanted to go pee - wearing only his shirt - I was welcomed by his grandmother who also wanted to go to the toilet. MAN. That was…embarrassing. Yes. Embarrassing.’ I smiled, remembering the look on that grandma’s face all too well. Henry chuckled, nodding. ‘I’ve once introduced a girlfriend to my parents, just hours after finding out she was leaking pictures of us to the press, spreading lies about us being betrothed. I don’t know if that was wise..but..I didn’t want to ruin the night. She didn’t even know that I knew. Gosh…’ He sighed, looking down at his hand down on my belly. ‘That sounds pretty fucking awful.’ I sighed in turn, looking at his face as the heavy furrow in his eyebrows slowly released, his face relaxing. He looked back at me. ‘You sure have had some..interesting girlfriends huh?’ I said.

‘Interesting..yes.’ He sighed again, before wrapping his hand around my waist to pull me closer. ‘Oh sweet Lisa. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.’ He hummed in my hair, placing a few kisses on my temple. I chuckled, wrapping my arm in turn around his large body, our other arms now trapped between our bodies. ‘Dinosaur arms.’ I laughed, wriggling the fingers of my trapped hand. He laughed in turn, wrapping his fingers around mine before his other arm pulled me even closer, almost crushing me against his chest. I continued, the sound slightly muffled by his chest: ’And you deserve every bit of happiness and love, dear bear. You are a kind and gentle man. You are patient, smart, funny. You show you care about the people around you. And you always give more then you take. Sometimes too much maybe. Sometimes you don’t even allow yourself to have needs.’ I spoke. I felt his breath choke up a bit, but I couldn’t move away to see his face, his arm keeping me flush against his chest. ‘You okay?’ I asked softly. He nodded, hiding his face in my hair. ‘Thank you.’ He said, before finally easing his arm into a loose embrace, his lips brushing against mine. ‘Thank you for being here with me. And thank you for being yourself. I guess I can get a little insecure and try to push these memories away by keeping myself busy.’ ‘Well..you sure are a BUSY man, mr. Cavill.’ I smiled, before laying another kiss on his lips. Our eyes met for a quiet moment, just looking at each other, our arms entangled. ‘Thank you for telling me.’ I whispered, keeping my gaze on his eyes. He nodded before rolling on his back again, looking over his right shoulder to find a softly snoring Kal.

‘Let’s go to sleep.’  

‘Yea..let’s.’

——

It was Friday. Henry had barely been at home. And if he was, he was constantly calling or reading and writing emails. I on the other hand had little to no work. The Witcher project was wrapped up for this year and my next job wouldn’t start ‘till the beginning of the new year - a whole month from now.

Instead I had busied myself with meeting up with friends here in LA. It felt like ages since I last spoke to them. One of them had gotten a girlfriend..which in the nerd community is HUGE, and another had just started a new job. I had paid them a visit last night, soon finding the whole friendgroup cramped up in a small dungey apartment. It had felt so good to be around them again. I had almost forgotten what it was like to have no cameras constantly pointing at me. Just drinking wine, playing boardgames and chatting. Life with Henry sure was weird, when I came to think of it.

I heard the front door click open and looked away from my laptop. It was about 4 pm and I hadn’t thought I’d see Henry again until we were actually at the premier here in LA. Kal sprinted off to greet the friendly intruder. ‘Honey, I’m home.’ Henry chanted from the small hallway, before appearing in the doorway of the living room. He was smiling from ear to ear. ‘Hey you.’ I said, moving my laptop to a spot next to me on the fluffy couch. I sat up to get a better look at Henry. ‘What are you doing here?’ I said, raising a surprised eyebrow. ‘We wrapped up a little earlier then expected and I just wanted to see you two…’ He gave Kal another ruffle through his fur before he stepped into the small living room, leaning over the couch to kiss me. His eyes were dragged to my laptop screen. ‘Shopping huh?’ He chuckled, picking up the laptop and taking the seat there, before placing the laptop on his lap. ‘Yea..I had thought that that one fancy dress I own would be more then sufficient for this whole Witcher premier thing. But alas..I suddenly got myself into attending TWO Witcher premiers. Surely the fashion police will have my head if I appear in the same dress twice..in less then a week’s time.’ I chuckled. Henry smiled.

‘Found anything you like?’ He said, mindlessly scrolling through the page - had I ever seen a man shop for women’s dresses? - I chuckled. ‘A few, you can go to the checkout. I’ve added some dresses there so I can make up my mind later.’ I moved in closer, hooking an arm around his and laying my head on his shoulder. I could feel the gentle flexing of his arm as he moved his fingers over the small trackpad of the laptop. ‘Why don’t you just get all of them?’ He asked genuinely. ‘Oh, Mr. Cavill, I don’t feel like dragging around 10 dresses in my tiny suitcase, thank you very much.’ I laughed, before moving up a bit and kissing his cheek. ‘Well, in that case I’d say the black and white one.’ He nodded, as if that was his final decision. ‘Yennefer would approve.’ I smiled, moving my hand to close the laptop and get his attention.

Henry sighed in mock annoyance, then put the laptop on the coffee table before patting his lap. ‘Come sit.’ ‘Me?’ I asked, a bit confused. Had I been naughty? ‘Yes you.’ He said, finally glancing over at me, a playful grin on his lips. I obediently climbed on his lap, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to steady myself. ‘Well daddy..what is it?’ I quipped playfully. His grin grew wider. ‘I have…’ He looked me in the eye. ‘..A proposition.’ I felt his hand snake around my waist. ‘I have been discussing a lot with my management team. Discussing about ..the future.’ I felt my stomach do a summersault as he spoke. Future? I remained quiet, looking expectantly at him. He however didn’t seem phased by my silence, as he continued: ‘I wish to make a bit more room in my schedule, so we at least have a good chance of ..making this, us, work.’ His eyes searched mine. I felt my cheeks flush. ‘What are you trying to say Hen?’ I asked feebly. ‘I’d like to say that I want to split our schedules. We both have jobs we love. Both have time consuming, very demanding jobs. So how would you feel about going 50/50? Half of the year you’d follow my footsteps. The other half of the year I follow you.’  

It took a good few seconds before it sank in what he was saying. What this would mean. What he was sacrificing. ‘Oh my.’ I finally stammered, the surprise in my face more than evident. He smiled, one of his hands languidly caressing my back, giving me the time to mull it over. ‘…Really?’ I asked, still not completely believing what he just said. ‘Really really.’ He laughed happily. ‘Will you agree to that?’ He asked, his eyes searching for an answer in mine. ‘Heck yes! Uh..well… at least…only if your managing team has not set out a murder for hire contract to get rid of me.’ I smiled, wriggling in excitement on his lap. He laughed out loud. ‘Don’t worry. They’ll have to get past me first.’

—

I remember when I first met Henry. I had caught Kal somewhere in the Hollywood hills, his leash dragging behind him through the rough bushes. I had called the number on his tag and not long after Henry had shown his face. I swear, within those first 20 minutes of knowing Henry he had shown me more than a hundred facial expressions. So cute. But my favourite facial expression of his was still the dorkily staring one. The one I had first seen when I had looked around one last time before disappearing behind the steep curb of his house, that first day we met.

It was tonight that I was once more graced with the presence of THAT face. The exact moment being when he finally found me standing far away in the crowd of the premier’s reception. He was mid-conversation with one of the scenario writers when his eyes caught a hold of mine. The way his breath kind of halted, his mouth slightly drooping and his eyes glazing over with admiration.

I waved.

Gosh. What is wrong with me. I don’t know why I waved, but I guess I waved. You know, the type of silly, excited waving that is totally not appropriate for the situation. And just like that he awoke from his silent stare, only to break out in such loud laughter, I think half the room looked up to know what was so funny.

It was then I realised we were both just silly dorks. Like two peas in a pod. And I was more then a little glad that he was willing to be my other half. The 50% to my 50%.

Henry had made his way over to me. ‘Hi.’ He smiled. ‘Hi.’ I smiled in turn, still feeling a blush on my cheeks, before feeling his fingers gently tug up my chin, his body pushing closer to mine.

It was the first time he kissed me at a public event.

--

Part 11 > 

[riversofmars]

December 1st  December 2nd  December 3rd  December 4th  December 5th  December 6th  December 7th  December 8th  December 9th  December 10th  December 11th  December 12th  December 13th  December 14th  December 15th  December 16th  December 17th  December 18th  December 19th  December 20th  December 21st  December 22nd  December 23rd  Christmas Eve

“Okay, this should put things back to normal…“ Sandshoes closed up the generator in the manor house after fixing it. There would be no more statues coming for them. With the help of the Silence, Madame Kovarian had done a wonderful job of manipulating everything in this place to trap them. Fooling a Timelord was no easy thing and fooling fourteen was a great feat. The Doctor decided they would probably not speak of this again to anyone if they ended up remembering anything at all. It would not be helpful if half the galaxy knew they had a particular weakness for Christmas.

“Well, as normal as a Christmas world without actual tourists is… is it still just holograms?“ Bill asked.

“Kovarian closed all the ports and cut off travel to the planet, I’ve reopened everything. Shoppers and tourists should be heading here shortly.“ Bowtie said after enabling the communications network around the planet again.

“So is it over now?“ Donna asked, she was well and truly done with all this.

“I think so… Dumbo Ears is giving Kovarian a lift to her new home… the Silence have sounded a retreat and the statues are back where they belong.“ Eyebrows shrugged, pleased with the all round fix.

“So what now?“ Graham asked, almost confused that the whole thing was over.

“Now we all take a breath.“ Bill suggested, relieved.

“Doctor.“ Clara stepped up to the Doctor who looked around.

“Clara.“ The Doctor smiled, happy to finally have a moment to talk, they hadn’t exactly had a opportunity yet.

“We know each other rather well, don’t we?“ Clara asked crossing her arms in front of her chest. The Doctor raised her eyebrows, she could tell immediately that her friend had something to say.

“What is it?“

“Revenge, Doctor?“ Clara asked, disappointment laced through her voice.

“Clara…“ The Doctor took a deep breath but she was interrupted.

“It’s not like you.“ Clara shook her head in disapproval. “I know what Madame Kovarian did, what she tried to do, but…“

“She has always been the one loose end I was never able to tie up…“ The Doctor held up her hands to interrupt her, hoping to explain before Clara could dig deeper. “It’s always been… personal…“ The Doctor contemplated her words for a moment, trying to work out how to best explain herself. “It’s not just what she did to Amy, Rory and River but… It has determined so much of my life. She has determined so much of it with what she did to River, the indoctrination, her childhood, it can’t be undone. It will always be there, part of who she is and who we are to each other and…“

“You can’t help but wonder, if, through some cruel twist of fate, she is the reason why River fell in love with you.“ Clara realised where she was going. The Doctor remained silent and Clara needed no confirmation. Everything, the story of the Doctor and River Song was based on what Kovarian had done. Clara shook her head slowly. “You’ve had too much time to think, Doctor.“

“Yeah, I guess I have…“ The Doctor chuckled a little. It was true, for a long time she hadn’t been able to shake that nagging feeling in the back of her mind. Some small part of her had always wonder if only through their twisted timelines, only because each of them had foreknowledge of what they would become to each other at their first meetings, had things turned out the way they had. She was about to explain why dealing with Kovarian now finally allowed her to let go of all that but Clara went first:

“And as usual you have jumped to all the wrong conclusions.“ Clara gave her shoulder a smack. “It is obvious, to everyone here, that what you have is so much bigger than anything an insignificant person such as Madame Kovarian could ever take credit for. You’re certainly not in love with each other because of her, but rather in spite of!“ Clara jabbed her finger at her. “Don’t give her this power, to think she’s determined anything in your life when really, you are both so much bigger than that and her.“ The Doctor smiled warmly at Clara’s passionate plea, she had already reached the same conclusion herself. In the many years of River’s absence, with the knowledge that Kovarian was still out there, she had her moments of doubt. But now, having dealt with Kovarian at last and having rescued River, she felt a sense of relief and joy she had never know. She didn’t interrupt Clara to point this out, instead, she allowed her friend to finish: “Kovarian is not worth you compromising your ideals over!“

“Oh Clara, you really do know me so well, don’t you.“ The Doctor sighed.

“I’d like to think so.“ Clara huffed, annoyed at her for having such foolish doubts.

“So really, if you know me so well, you should know there is a difference between the Oncoming Storm, the Lonely God, the Hybrid… and the actual person.“ The Doctor listing some of the imposing aliases with a smirk and on Clara’s face, the realisation that she and everyone else had been fooled, spread like wildfire.

“You lied!“ She exclaimed. “You were just trying to scare her!“

“Nobody messes with me and my family.“ The Doctor looked over to River who was talking to her parents. That’s what River was to her, she was her family, and now that she had her back, she swore she wouldn't let her go ever again.  

“Where did you really send Kovarian? Not some sort of world of eternal darkness then, was it?“ Clara rolled her eyes at her.

“Nah. Stormcage.“ The Doctor answered simply. “My wife knows the warden there, you know.“

“You’re unbelievable.“ Clara rolled her eyes but felt an incredible sense of relief. The Doctor was ready to move on, shaking an semblance of influence Kovarian held over them.

“Unbelievably clever.“ The Doctor grinned. “She’s not going to bother us ever again.“

“How are you doing?“ Amy asked holding on to River’s hand. She hadn’t left her side, as if she needed to make sure she was actually here.

“Okay, considering… It’s still a lot to take in…“ River gave her an apologetic smile, she hadn’t quite recovered from the shock of it all yet.

“At least you know how you get out of the Library now.“ Amy half joked, hoping to lighten the atmosphere.

“I guess.“ River chuckled watching the Doctor who was talking to Clara at the moment. “She’s a clever one, isn’t she.“

“She is the Doctor.“ Amy laughed.

“I guess she is.“ River smiled almost absentmindedly. The Doctor had saved her from the Library after all. “Well, for a start, I need to get out of this, I swear this is all bent from the heat of the electrocution.“ River decided it was time to stop getting out of her own head and she got to her feet, moving around the uncomfortable environmental suit a little.

“Well, I’m sure there will be something in one of our TARDISes.“ The Doctor called over with a wide grin.

“So… where are you going to go now?“ Donna asked the question all of them were thinking.

River looked around at the Doctors, her husbands and her wife. No more syncing diaries required after this, no more meeting out of order, just linear time together. River felt tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of it.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know where to turn, Christmas has certainly come early.“ River smirked to cover her emotions, avoiding the question for the time being.

“Christmas has come right on time.“ Clara grinned who was incredibly happy for them.

“Well I don’t know about you all but I can smell turkey and I’m starving so…“ Graham’s stomach made a noise for emphasis. “Christmas Dinner anyone?“

“We’re all going to forget about this anyway so what’s a few more hours.“ Bowtie was the first to agree.

“You will, I won’t.“ River smirked looping one arm each around Sandshoes and Eyebrows.

“And neither will we, behave Melody!“ Amy scolded her daughter.

“Oh mother, you’re no fun at all.“ River rolled her eyes at her playfully. “Do I have any volunteers for helping me out of this? I definitely need a change of clothes for dinner.“

“Well if you need help…“ Clara was quick to say and Bill jumped in:

“Yeah just say…“

The Doctors had been too slow off the mark and River smirked:

“Well, this certainly will be a Christmas to remember!“

“River!“ All four Doctors called in outrage at the same time as River let go of Eyebrows and Sandshoes and looped arms with Clara and Bill instead.

“I like it when you get jealous.“ River called over her shoulder as they made their way to the closest TARDIS. “Don’t worry, like I said, there are plenty mistletoes to go around.“

[enchantingwrath]

beauty / in the way you bleed.

973 words. prompt taken from here. — ❛   you’d look so much prettier in red… shall i coat you in it?   ❜   tagging @levingale​​ for karigan mentions. cw: torture, blood, injury / gore, death mention, human trafficking mention. 

The way violet hues narrowed into slits was nothing short of terrifying — a force to rival nature in her own right. Still, when the self-righteous fury enveloped her, there was nothing on this earth, nor in heaven or hell that could ever compare. Her rage, however, always presented in different ways, and with this creature, this cretin before her, it was a cold, calculating form of anger that made her veins run cold. There was no desire to tear them limb from limb, but instead, to meticulously and methodically break the woman underneath her until she begged the twelve to help her.

“Ah, pretty, pretty thing. I hear you’ve been playing games..? Running a racket, thinking that you wouldn’t be found eventually?” There was a sardonic smile as the xaela slid into the woman’s warm lap, thighs straddled against hips as a sharp-nailed finger came up underneath their chin, tilting their head up. She found immense satisfaction in the vicious hate pooled in green eyes — similar in hue yet so strikingly different from her lover’s.

The thought briefly crossed her mind to ponder how Karigan would react to her toying with her prey like this. How the xaela used everything in her available arsenal. How she would watch as her target went from hardened, aggressive and feeling like they were in charge, to a panicked, whimpering mess when they realised what they were in for. When the hope of freedom was long since gone, and when guilt finally, finally weighed heavy around their neck, and only then would she grant them a final mercy — their last breath. A divine absolution in the form of blood.

But ah, this was her game, her sport, and how she revelled in it. Breaking down of the pathetic cretins that existed in this world, one after the other. She’d hoped, one day, there would be no more, but it seems everywhere she turned, there was another, and she would be there with sharp wit and even sharper claws to break them down too. It fed the monster that lurked inside her, demanding more, more, more, until all the rivers ran red.

“How’s it feel losing, Auliene?” Jade inquired, a glint of curiosity hinted at in violet hues as a delicate brow quirked. “Did you feel that you never would..? That you could run, and run, and continue — thinking that playing others as your pawns, no one would realise you were calling the shots..? I wonder if you’re a sore loser..?”

“Fuck you, bitch.” The elezen woman snarled, spitting at her and Jade didn’t hesitate in gripping the sharp chin fiercely, her nails digging in until blood was beginning to pool just underneath the surface but not yet spilling forth. Violet hues darkened as a small burst of aether sent lightning sparking from her fingertips, burning into the delicate skin as she watched blood continue to swell underneath her nails.

“Ah, a sore loser, indeed.” Jade bared her fangs in the form of a devilish grin. In control enough of her emotions, her anger and yet, so daringly close to letting her rage run free. But no, this was not the time. Cold, calculating, cruel. Merciless. Heartless. The only way to break a pitiful thing like that underneath her. “Have you heard of the lingering death, my dear Auliene?”Jade paused to let the silence grow, to let ideas form in the elezen’s mind as she pondered the life of the prey beneath her.

Mommy and daddy hadn’t loved Auliene, focused more on peddling their drugs and chasing their pitiful wealth among the streets of Ul’dah. She chuckled at the thought — but ah, whose parents had truly loved them in this world? And money, well it had been ever so kind, ever so alluring, more so than chasing after love for the woman who had never known it, and Auliene didn’t need to worry about that, did she? Love and lust seemed to chase after her. Men after men willing to commit their services for a pretty woman, to do whatever was asked for a bat of pretty lashes, if it meant that they might catch a glimpse of pale skin for a night, and Auliene simply raked in the profits. Selling, and selling, just like her parents and not a single care given to the fact that her trade had become other people somewhere along the way. Why would she though? It was a way to make her rich, to give her what she felt she’d lacked all her life, buy her all those pretty things her parents never would.

Her fingers jabbed further into the tender flesh under her nails, intensely gleeful as the blood finally broke through. The beautiful sanguine fluid flowing forth and dripping down Jade’s hands. 

“Shall I introduce you to it? It is executed with many, many slices into your pretty pale skin until the blade finally grants you release — the final stab to your heart.” She paused, tapping a bloodied finger against her own chin. “Ah, but how many slices do you deserve before then... Hm, one for each person you sold, maybe..? Can you even survive that many?”

Auliene, to her credit, had the nature to look slightly panicked now as she struggled against the ropes binding her wrists, but… Jade knew her way around knots, always had since she’d learned — there was a grin as she thought back to the night with Karigan where her dear beast nearly broke her arm trying to free herself. Auliene was much weaker, and there was no way they’d be found here. She was trapped in a beautiful web, the perfect prey for the spider that wished to feast.

“Ah, my dearest Auliene, You’d look so much prettier in red, shall I coat you in it?”

[misssophiachase]

Meet the Mikaelsons - Chapter 6: Lights. Camera. Action.

On AO3 and FF

Playa Palmilla, San Jose del Cabo

Wednesday - 10:09am

“I just don’t understand why I’m bitching and moaning about this? It’s not really my style, I think this script was meant for Kol.” The cast and crew were spread out around the pristine swimming pool, the bright sunlight adding to the picturesque view.  

“Oi,” Kol growled. “I don’t bitch and moan.” The whole set, not to mention the few extras, were suddenly silent. Kol’s reputation obviously preceded him, even in Mexico.

"Okay, cut! You are here to crash your ex-girlfriend’s wedding, Klaus,” Jenna offered, breaking the silence. “We need to understand your rationale, you can’t just turn up at her wedding for no reason.”

“Well, things on this show have happened for a lot less,” he muttered, standing up from his sun lounger. “Can we take a break? It’s bloody hot out here and I need a drink.”  

Once he stepped into the cool relief of his private villa, Klaus immediately felt bad. Usually it was Rebekah throwing a tantrum on set. Given he was co-producer didn’t help matters. To his credit, Klaus had been relatively professional since taking on the role but today he’d let himself slip back into old habits.

After grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, Klaus flopped onto the couch. His eyes had briefly flickered over to her before leaving set, not that he let them rest there long.

He didn’t know how long it had been happening, but Klaus was aware his attention was regularly captured by her. Yes, she was beautiful and intelligent and gave him a hard time (which was his favourite) but Caroline Forbes had become like a drug to him.

He needed to be near her.

A lot.

Klaus didn’t usually need anyone; he’d managed quite well up until this point given his interesting family upbringing but, when it came to Caroline, he couldn’t control his own feelings or somewhat weird and slightly stalkerish behaviour.  

Yes, he’d crashed her flight and insisted she stay with him, but he had a very good reason. One he’d yet to tell her about. Although, Klaus was starting to wonder if that very good reason came about because of needing to be near her and not the other way around which scared the hell out of him.

“I’m surprised you’re not lying on the floor, kicking and screaming,” she interrupted his thoughts. He didn’t respond immediately, annoyed that she thought so little of him. “That was a reference to your tantrum before, if you hadn’t already guessed.”

“And they thought sending you in here to coax me out was a great idea, Forbes?”

“It was supposed to be a motivational kick in the ass,” she offered, sitting next to him, grabbing the bottle of water from his hand and taking a swig. Her relative ease and comfort around him was surprising although not unwelcome. 

Her arm grazed his, no doubt by accident, and Klaus could feel himself faltering slightly. His nostrils filled with the smell of coconut and Klaus could detect the faint aroma of strawberries from the shampoo he’d noticed in their shared bathroom.  

She was wearing a pair of denim shorts that day and Klaus had lost track of how many times he imagined peeling them off her slowly and exploring what was underneath. 

He shook his head determined to get rid of such thoughts, Klaus was supposed to be annoyed with her after all.

His supposed tantrum before wasn’t due to the script (although it was ridiculous) but because of the previous evening.

Yes, he’d insisted she go to dinner with his family but what he wasn’t expecting was for Caroline to invite best friend number one, best friend number two and the Love Doctor. 

He didn't begrudge her company but Klaus was enjoying having her undivided attention and, yes, he knew it was incredibly childish. 

Many people were jealous because he was born into extreme wealth and privilege but with that came absentee parents and, even with five siblings, loneliness. Klaus always felt like the odd one out although he could never really explain why. Call him crazy, but when he felt like someone was actually hearing and seeing the real him, he didn’t want to let go. 

"Are you still not talking to me?"

"I never said that."

"No, you just ignored me during and after dinner. Actually, you pretty much ignored everyone," she noted. "I was tempted to encourage Henrik to start a food fight just to get you out of this funk but apparently he was on his best behaviour for my friends."

"It's not a funk," he muttered. "Although, you could have told me you'd invited them to dinner."

"I told your mom beforehand and, as we both know, she was extremely pleased to see Enzo. In fact, you should be thanking me."

"For what exactly?" The last thing Klaus wanted to do was thank her for bringing the perfect humanitarian doctor who could do no wrong. Who was Klaus kidding? He was jealous of the idiot and his close connection with Caroline and didn’t want to witness it first hand .  

"Occupying your mother from her cilantro obsession and annoying the hell out of Rebekah for whatever reason, amongst other things." Klaus had to admit she had a point there. He also knew he was acting like a child, especially since he'd forced her into dinner in the first place. "Also, don't forget Bonnie managed to minimise Kol's bad etiquette because he was so busy trying to impress her and Katherine monopolised Elijah so he didn't feel the need to lecture anyone."

"So, what you're trying to say, in a convoluted way, is that your surprise guests actually saved the Mikaelson family dinner from ruin?"

"Well, it certainly helped," she boasted. "And you so deserved it." Klaus attempted to interrupt before she continued. "Do I need to remind you of all the intrusive and presumptuous things you've done the past two days?"  

Well, she did have a point.

"No need to tell me I'm right," she said. "Your silence is confirmation enough. Now princess, can we please go back to set? Every minute we sit here is money that we don't have to waste. And if you want to do that stubborn brooding act and not talk about your feelings I'll have a word to Jenna."

"What silent, brooding act?"

"That thing where you'd rather stab out your eyes than show any emotion, it's okay our female viewers love the strong, silent type."

"I just don't like talking about my feelings, especially to millions of people," he shared, she gave him a look which clearly said he was in the wrong business if that was the case. "I'm here for my family," Klaus answered, thinking that was at least sort of true.

"Well, they should be very thankful for that," she murmured, her gaze downcast. "I'm not sure I could ever do something like this for anyone."

"I don't buy that at all, Forbes," he winked at her and took back his water bottle, taking a sip. "Now, let's go back where I will put on the performance of my life. Do they award Emmys for best performance in a reality television series?"

"I wouldn't get my hopes up," she drawled, following him out the door. "Wow, this girl must have really done a number on you."

"What makes you say that?"

"The brooding, the tantrum, the sudden change of heart. What exactly did Hayley Marshall do to you, Mikaelson?" She asked, her curiosity evident.

"Who said Hayley Marshall did anything to me?"

"Well, it's why we're here, right?" She stopped in her tracks, turning slightly, her left eyebrow cocked. "Right?"

"I never said that, well not exactly..."

"Oh my god," she hissed. "If you're not here to crash her wedding, why the hell did we spend all this money bringing the entire crew to Mexico? Without that particular plot line you realise we have nothing."

"Just breathe, love," he murmured, placing his hands on her shoulders and staring deeply into her eyes. She even looked beautiful stressed. "I didn't say I wouldn't crash a wedding, I just have other reasons for the trip besides that." 

Before she could ask any more questions or berate him for being annoyingly aloof, Klaus pulled her towards set thinking he was going to have to explain himself soon.

Just not yet.  

4:37pm

"That water feels so good," Klaus grinned, running back onto the beach thinking maybe Mexico was just what he needed. Elijah was sitting upright on his towel, mid yoga pose. For someone so uptight and serious he had some interesting ways to pass the time.  

"Must you drip water on me like some wayward canine, Niklaus?" He growled, opening one brown eye followed by the other. "I was attempting to relax."

"You are on a beach in Mexico, big brother, how much more relaxed do you need to get?" He asked, lying on his towel and taking in the view of the blue ocean. Elijah uncrossed his legs and gave his brother a frustrated look.

"It's all of this reality television, I need to cleanse my body and soul afterward."

"You make it sound so dirty, Elijah," he teased.

"That's because it is," he shot back.

"Then why do you do it?" Klaus asked genuinely curious about Elijah's motives.

Klaus knew that his older, and more responsible, brother had carved out a successful career as a stockbroker in New York City and didn't need reality television stardom or the associated trappings. He'd always been a loner from a young age and this kind of attention seemed like something Elijah would shy away from rather than embrace it.

"Mother called and you know how difficult she can be when she doesn't get her way," he said. "Add Rebekah and Kol to that equation and you know the rest. Anyway, surely you’re familiar with it all given she managed to lure you back from Europe." Klaus nodded thinking it was partly true.

 Yes, he'd felt the same family pressure but there was something else driving him. Something that no one knew about, even Elijah.

"It's that whining she does," Klaus joked. "She doesn’t stop and it sounds just like a cat with a fur ball stuck down its throat."

"I'm almost afraid to ask," a familiar brunette interrupted their conversation. Dressed in a fitted, red bikini with her hair loose, Caroline's best friend Katherine oozed confidence. His brother meanwhile seemed to be struggling to find his words. "You both finished filming for the day?"

"Yeah, about a half hour ago," Klaus said. "Thought we'd take a swim and wash some of that contrived reality television away."

"Some caring relative you are, Pierce." Klaus knew that voice all too well and he wasn't really in the mood for it. At least Caroline wasn't around, she'd gone back to the villa to take a rest before dinner. "I could have drowned out there."

"Enough with the dramatics, Lorenzo," she huffed. "Look who I ran into."

"If it isn't Mexico's latest celebrities," he whistled. "How did you escape all your adoring fans from earlier? I thought you were going to lose a lot more than the shirts off your backs."

"This isn't our first rodeo," Elijah offered knowingly, finally finding his voice in Katherine's presence. Klaus knew that Elijah was extremely shy when it came to women and decided his big brother needed and deserved a little push.

"Actually, Elijah was just saying how much he wanted to take a walk down the beach but I'm exhausted from that Oscar worthy performance I did by the pool. Maybe you might like to accompany him Katherine?" Out of the corner of his eye, Klaus could see Elijah sending him a death stare.

"Really, you don't have to.."

"No, I'd like to take a walk," she smiled. They walked off into the distance, Klaus secretly pleased with his efforts. But knowing Elijah and his stubborn ass he'd ruin whatever chance he had with Katherine Pierce. Caroline had said something about not leaving her alone with Elijah but surely that was a joke, well he hoped so.

"You're a matchmaker too?" He sat down beside Klaus, obviously not waiting for an invitation that would never come.

"Just bored I suppose."

"You don't like me much, do you?" He asked before continuing. "It's okay, I'm used to it. You know being BFFs with Caroline isn't easy...

“BFFs?”

“Best Friends Forever,” he responded and Klaus immediately felt like he’d been transported back to grade school. “Most of her potential suitors and boyfriends feel threatened because, well look at me, but.."

"What boyfriends?" He asked, probably against his better judgment.

"You do like her! I must admit I had my suspicions but that streak of jealousy gave you away," he laughed. "Not that I'm surprised, Caroline is amazing, albeit a little bossy."

"Do you always talk this much?"

"Says the guy who's deflecting," he snorted. "Look, it's okay, everyone falls for Caroline. She's beautiful and intelligent and.." Klaus gave him an unimpressed glance by way of response, "and I don't like her like that. I mean she's like a really annoying sister that you should never try to wake in the morning because it's not pretty let me tell you."

"You really do like the sound of your own voice."

"Fine, you don't want to admit it to me, I get it, we barely know each other but if you hurt her I will kill you," he promised. "Care Bear likes to act tough but she's actually more vulnerable than you think." 

Klaus was immediately curious about what that meant and who he'd have to kill for hurting her but didn't want to give away more than he already had to Enzo.

"Aren't you supposed to be a doctor? I thought killing people would be against your code or something?"

"I'm pretty certain killing people isn't okay for anyone, Niklaus," he teased.

"You did not just call me that!"

"You do realise that you have the same haughty tone as your sister," he commented. "Is she always frosty with people she barely knows or am I just lucky? I'm surprised I'm still alive to tell the tale given the looks she was shooting my way at the dinner table last night."

"It's difficult to tell with Rebekah," he explained. "There's a lot going on in that head of hers and if I had to try and explain it we might be here all day. Why exactly do you want to know anyway?"

"Just so I can avoid her wrath for the rest of the trip," he answered.

"Well, good luck with that, Lorenzo," he smiled, returning the favour. 

He consulted his watch thinking it was probably time he had that chat with Caroline. He just hoped she would understand why he brought her down here.

[jiminandlemonade-blog]

serendipity | the finale

a/n: i’m not going to lie, i’m in tears writing this. it’s the final instalment of a series i’ve had for over a year and a half. if you’re not here from youtube and want to know more about the series, the playlist is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7jiMg0Xpsg&list=PLvqlaQfwogWIPaj4LMDqKysJeiwozIETH

if you’ve come from youtube, i hope you liked the video and find more about what happened, once the cameras stopped rolling.

thank you for being apart of the journey with me, i truly have appreciated all of your comments.

“Benjamin, can you please give your Dad his contacts back? He needs to go” you huffed for what felt like the 80th time. Since turning 7, he hit a stage of madness. You were told by your parents-in-law that Jimin went through exactly the same stage, definitely not a coincidence. “Jam! Give Dad his eye thingys” Rose laughed, chasing her brother around the room, calling his nickname, after seeing you getting noticeably annoyed. “Where’s Dad?” Evie asked, clinging onto your leg. After her accident a few months ago, she’s not been able to leave yours and Jimin’s side and when one is gone, she gets concerned.  

“Daddy’s here” Jimin smiled, walking through the door non-chalauntly as if he wasn’t even bothered that his eldest child was throwing his actual sight all over the floor. “Go play with Rose. And what I mean by that, go and get Daddy’s contacts” he laughed off, pushing her slightly for a little bit of encouragement.  

“I’m not sure what to do about this anymore” you sighed, putting your back to where the children were playing in the lounge room, placing all of your upper body weight on your elbows that you gently slammed into the kitchen island table, both hands gripping the side of your hair in slight panic. You didn’t want to show the children you were stressed, you hated the thought of doing that. Even when you had moments where you would rather lick paint than answer another “but why Mommy?”, you never showed it.

“That was nobodies fault Y/N and you know it. She’ll come round soon enough” Jimin tried to reassure you by caressing your back. Thinking back to that day, you’ll never forget the piercing shriek that shook you and Jimin to your very core.

-”Come on Rose, we need to find Faith and Madeline before time runs out!” you heard Evie call out playfully. Faith was Jungkook’s first born, the child his now wife had extreme pregnancy complications with. Faith was born only a few months after the twins so are close in age. ‘Faith’ was a name yourself and Jimin considered using for the twins. When Jungkook’s wife was pregnant, then fiance, Jimin suggested mentioning the name to Jungkook. They didn’t have a name, or so you thought. They didn’t want to mention a name to anyone because of what possibly could have gone wrong in her pregnancy, they were worried about becoming too attached if something terrible happened. Even if God-forbid, something did happen, they had a name in mind. Once she was born, Jimin knew her name was Faith and it made a lot of sense with what the couple went through. Jungkook and his wife loved the name, adding that the name they had for their child didn’t fit.  

“10, 9, 8-” you shouted loudly counting down, for all of the girls to hear. You had your eyes on every room each of the girls went in down the long corridor of the Big Hit Offices as they hid from each other. “Time’s up!” you exclaimed, watching the girls appear from the room. “Evie! I told you to check that room” Rose huffed, knowing Faith and Madeline had won that round. Considering she was 5, she remembered A LOT of information. Especially when her twin was wrong. They both loved each other so much but didn’t half love to tease each other at times. “Can I be on a team with Faith please?” Rose asked, running towards Jimin like the Daddy’s girl she is. “As long as everyone is okay with that of course, take it in turns!” he rightly responded. You all made sure that the children felt equal and had their equal turn and nobody felt left out.  

Faith and Rose had become really good friends, whereas Evie and Madeline were even more thick as thieves. Madeline was Seokjin’s child. He likes to say she’s named after a cake but we all know that’s not true. Seokjin proposed to his long-time girlfriend and ex BigHit idol in Paris and fell in love with everything Parisian so the name made so much sense when she fell pregnant on their honeymoon. Madeline was younger by just over a year but that didn’t stop their friendship blossoming from an early age. They also attended Jin’s Performing Arts School together so they were literally inseperable.  

“GO!” yourself and Jin’s wife shouted after a countdown. “Watching these kids run around make me tired, I need a coffee. Do you want one?” you asked, forgetting she was pregnant with Seokjin’s second child. A boy, soon to be named Gabriel. Again, quintesentially Parisian. “Decaf?” she questioned, laughing. You knew there was some so you nodded your head and headed to the kitchen. There you were met with Jungkook and Jimin. Seokjin was recording for his first solo mixtape and Jungkook was there ready to provide his vocals for the next BTS comeback.

“They’re going wild out there” you chuckled, managing to get a word in edge ways as the boys were chatting away. You had just heard the kettle click to signal it was boiled before you heard an almightly bang and the sound that will kill your soul for the rest of your life.  

Within miliseconds, you turned to Jimin knowing it was sound of Evie. The sound was blood curdling. You both had never ran so fast in your life. Seokjin’s wife, who was 8 months pregnant at the time, was at the other end of the corridor dealing with Faith who had fell over from running too fast when the accident happened. You could see her running as fast as she possibly could, waddling in fact, as her face turned white. As you got closer and closer to the door, Jimin started swearing. Something he never did around the children or much at all. “Fuck, please don’t be that room. Please don’t be that fucking room!” he screamed. Due to running so fast, he got to the door before he could even finish his expletive sentence. “EVIE?! EVIE?!” he protested, banging on the door. Adreneline pumping through everyone’s bodies in a different way. You hadn’t even realised you had burned your arm from the hot kettle.  

Jungkook wasn’t far behind you when you noticed Jimin look straight past you and more towards your shoulder, meeting eye contact with Jungkook. You turned around to see the fear in Jungkook’s eyes, just like you saw in Jimin’s-

“Y/N, are you ok?” Jimin asked as you came over all funny. “Sorry, I just had a flashback to that moment again” you sighed. It was nobody’s fault, but as a parent, it sticks in your mind. “A whole sound booth fell on her when we weren’t there and she was trapped for 20 minutes” you hushed, walking away from where the children were playing, grasping Jimin’s hand. Her injuries you didn’t even want to think about, as much as she is perfectly fine now, it’s harrowing to think your baby went through that.

Jimin sat you down. “Y/N, we told them not to go in that room and we locked it to even make sure they wouldn’t go in”. Most children were inquisitive and if you said don’t do something, they would go and do it for the sole purpose you said no, but not these girls, they were usually extremely obedient. Which they were, it was all just a bad mistake. Once Jimin locked the room, Seokjin also went to lock the room afterwards and turned the key, thinking he was locking it but instead unlocked it. You all knew. Jimin, Jungkook, you and Seokjin’s wife but you’ve never told him that though, you all didn’t want him to feel guilty as it wasn’t his fault.  

In the room was a lone standing sound booth that was faulty and extremely heavy, only slightly resting against the wall. The removers were coming to get it the next day, knowing exactly how to remove such a heavy item after it had been left there from old tenants of the new second building, a kids allowed building. The main building was the main hub for activity but if the children wanted to come along, a smaller second building was purchased so they had their own area to play but still being close to their Father’s. That was extremely important to them.

When entering the room which Evie and Madeline both got mixed up with the room next door, Evie lightly tapped the sound booth whilst looking for a hiding place, which ended up falling on her, narrowly missing Madeline who had only just turned 4 but was the size of a 2 year old. The booth ended up falling and jamming the door allowing anyone to gain entry. The fire service were a credit of getting the children out safely. All you could hear was Evie crying for you and Jimin and trying to calm her down by reassuring her you were there and just outside and “just a little longer before we see you” as you tried not to sound hysterical.  

Jimin couldn’t speak at this point. He was doing an extremely low roman chair against the wall, head in his hands with Jungkook passing him tissues and water and trying to calm him down. You hadn’t seen the size of the thing, so you didn’t know what to expect. You were hoping Jimin was just being over dramatic. You couldn’t help but smile as you heard Madeline talk in hushed tones “Evie, just think you will be off school if you have a poorly arm” and “I’m here for you too”. As the door opened, you saw Madeline holding Evie’s hand who’s body was half under the soundbooth. You felt nauseated. By this point, Madeline had already told Seokjin’s wife she was ok and not hurt and kept knocking on the door to prove she could walk around and was ok. She immediately took Rose and Faith away from the scene explaining that they simply got locked in. Seokjin had arrive by this point and seeing you and Jimin beat up, he was the one to do all of the explaining to the ambulance crew as Jungkook started to reassure you both.

You held her hand on the stretcher and Jimin had the other hand, both not able to look at her in her head brace. Thankfully she couldn’t see you were both not looking as she was unable to move her head around far enough because of the brace. Jin stood behind her though, pushing the stretcher so she could see a familiar face and her Uncle Jin always made her laugh. At this point, Madeline was with her Mother after being quickly checked over and got the all clear. Jin offered to come to the hospital and yourself and Jimin silently nodded, knowing you both needed him there.

8 hours later, you learned that there was some internal bleeding as well as 2 broken ribs, a broken leg, crushed little finger and a rather large gash on her shoulder where the side of the booth landed. It was easily the worst day of your life. She could have easily been killed if it fell into her chest.  

“Daddy, are you listening?” Rose asked. You both fell into a state of remembering that you didn’t hear the children talking to you for a moment. Rose and Evie were each holding some packets of contacts to which Jimin replied “that’s my girls!” picking them both up, one in each arm and spinning them around. Evie had no pain anymore and was fully healed so it was nice to experience little things like their Dad being able to pick them both up.

You remembered, you had stuff to do. “Benjamin, if you don’t pick up your Dad’s contacts and put on your coat, I will tell DaeDae you loooooveeeee her” teasing him, emphasing the love. DaeDae was the nickname for Taehyung’s only child, Daea (pronounced Day-a). There was DaeDae and TaeTae and hopefully more in the future. Taehyung was still forever in love with his childhood sweetheart and due to marry her in only a couple of weeks. You’ve never seen Benjamin move so fast. He was 7 but had an adorable crush on 4 year old Daea. They always held hands. Jimin and Taehyung loved it. You couldn’t help but love that your child’s first crush was your husband’s best friend’s daughter. “DON’T TELL HER” he said out of fright, zooming to find his coat after picking up his Dad’s contacts.

The girls were already ready and finally Benjamin was too. “Just waiting for your Dad to put his last contact in then we can go”. “Is there going to be food?” Benjamin asked. “You’ve spent way too long with Jin and Jungkook as a child” Jimin giggled as he walked around the corner from the mirror.

He walked over whilst putting on his grey suit jacket which sinched him in at the waist. Even though you had loved him for so many years, he never failed to take your breath away. You both smiled at each other, knowing you were admiring how each other looked as you finally managed to find time to change from your pyjamas to your dress whilst the twins were occupying themselves and Evie was distracted and Benjamin was looking for his coat.  

He walked up to you and kissed on the lips, much to the protests of the children. You both giggled. “I’ll go and get (recently turned 3 year old) Samuel up from his nap. It is okay to change him into clothes there right?” you confirmed. He nodded, answering the door as someone buzzed. It was Namjoon to help you with the children, it was always a 3 man job bundling the 4 kids into the car.  

You quickly double checked Samuel’s outfit was in the bag and woke him up, slightly stiring but still asleep in your arms. By the time you got to the front door, he was awake. Your first ever baby to not cry when you had to wake them up from their nap for them not to oversleep. It was pure bliss. Namjoon doted on Samuel and was his Godfather. He clapped his hands together, signalling Samuel to come to him which he immediately did. He loves his Uncle Joon. Namjoon smiled whilst explaining he was taking Samuel to the car and Jimin would come back up from buckling the others in just to confirm you both had everything. A job of being a parent. 4 in a 4 year age gap wasn’t easy.

A couple of moments later, Jimin appeared in the door way. He planted a kiss on you again and told you you looked beautiful. “Away from the kids” he smiled, kissing your forehead. Even to this day, you still blush. “Crap! Rose’s medicine” you called, quickly remembering you hadn’t packed it. Rose had an ear infection that was nearly cleared and you couldn’t wait for it to be gone. “What? What?! WhaT?!” was all you heard for the past 2 weeks.

As you got her medication, you looked up and saw Jimin standing there. You were so proud. You noticed his tie was crooked and walked over to pull it up. You felt your shoulders relax, let out a quick sigh from the last 30 minutes down memory lane and chasing your eldest and smiled. “I’m so proud of you, you know that right?” you asked Jimin. He knew it. You told him everyday but even if he didn’t want you too, you would still tell him. “I know” he replied, kissing your forehead again.  

He led you to walk out of the door before you stopped him in the doorway. “Are you ready to do this?” you asked, knowing what the answer was but just making sure. He nodded and smiled half lipped before turning to a full one and his eyes getting even brighter than they already were. His mouth opened and you already knew what words would come out. “It’s time”.

Your eyes were full of tears. For the first time in 3 years, the boys were on stage together. About to announce their return as a full group. When they walked out, the room erupted and then erupted further when they realised Jimin was there too. You honestly didn’t think there was a dry eye in the house.

It was never Jimin’s plan to leave the group and he thankfully stuck to his word. He wanted to see the baby milestones he missed out on with Benjamin due to him touring a lot. He didn’t want to miss his children growing up. But as they settled into a routine and were becoming more aware of their Dad’s job, it seemed the right time for him to go back. Nonetheless, he wanted to wait an extra year so Samuel was in school but with the impending comeback, Jimin was needed for the album. It was never BTS without a member missing.  

Through the 3 years people had been absent for numerous reasons. Childbirth, watching their children grow up, marriages, long honeymoons, enlistment.. The group itself went down to only the rapline at one point and slowly the vocal line started coming back after a year, now complete with Jimin back.

You didn’t even hear half of what they had to say, the whole table full of wives and girlfriends were in tears. Namjoon was the only one to have a girlfriend and not a wife/fiance, albeit they had been wanting to be in a relationship for a while but personal matters complicated things. Hoseok and Taehyung both had fiances, Taehyung was marrying her soon and Hoseok was marrying his fiance the following year. The fans were supportive as ever, that was the main thing.

You couldn’t help it when Taehyung started addressing the table as being their key motivations and then the camera cutting to the children who were backstage being looked after by BigHit staff. The members wanted them to be there watching and cheering their Dad’s on. It was such an important moment to them.

“We’re back” Jungkook chuckled. By this point, Jungkook was just as fluent in English as Namjoon and delivered the rest of the speech. Your eyes clocked Jimin and he burst out into even more tears, dropping to the floor much like you remember him doing at Citifield all those years before when he was inspired to write his first solo song.  

Trying to breathe slowly, you watched the members deliver their speech and leave the stage. You can’t lie and say the past 3 years hadn’t been the best 3 years of your life with Jimin because they were, but you honestly couldn’t wait for him to get back to his passion. He had released a lot of solo projects in the past 3 years with the vocal line appearing on some of his songs. When this happened, he knew he had to go back if it was the last thing he did.

“Guess what?” Jimin questioned, walking up to you at the end of the awards show. “Namjoon and N/G/N are going to take the children tonight. It’s been around 3 months since we had a proper date. I think we deserve this considering the occasion". You felt so excited but your mind quickly raced to Evie. “But Evie-” you stammered out before Jimin cut you off. “I have just been with her and talking to her. She said she wants to play with the others and have a big sleepover so we are fine” he nodded, placing your head in his hands. Your heart started racing. You both really hadn’t been on a date in what felt like such a long time, especially in Seoul.  

Because of Jimin rejoining the group, you both invested in a house in Seoul as well as having your family home in Busan, just so you could all be closer as a family. With none of the boys now living together, it also made sense as 4/7 lived together when Jimin first left the group. Your parents also wanted to be closer to the family so made the move over when you purchased the house in Seoul. There was always someone looking after a house.  

“You’re seriously taking me to a karaoke room?” you giggled, walking into a building that was familiar to you from when you first started dating. “But you hate these places” you continued. “I thought it was time we let our hair down” Jimin stated, pulling you up the narrow staircase. The thing about this karaoke room is that it was a complete secret with a secret entrance and passcode. It is specifically made for people in the Korean Entertainment Industry and you need to book online to book a spot.

Jimin quickly typed in the unique passcode and gained entry before you could realise you had chewing gum stuck to your feet. “Ew, I hope whoever was brought here has more class at home” you laughed, knowing the comment would make Jimin chuckle, especially as he knew exactly which Idol you were on about.

Recently, one of Jimin’s friends from outside of BTS but still an Idol, found out about this place and started to bring his hook ups, one of them being a friend of yours. You and Jimin teased about it to each other all the time as they were obviously in love but didn’t want to admit it. You both continued the conversation about the pair before stumbling across your room.

As soon as you entered you were the first to grab the remote. You loved karaoke rooms and checking out what each one had to offer in terms of song selection. You were flicking through and noticed something rather quickly. “Our wedding song is on here. Our first date song. Our first ever dance. The songs we play the children. The songs you sing to me. It’s as if..” “I had planned it?” Jimin said, looking at you with a pleasing eye. “Jiminnnn” you trailed off, pulling him into hug you. Then it all suddenly clicked. “Namjoon was always looking after the kids huh?” you asked. He explained that’s why Namjoon picked them up, so he could have their car seats. It all made sense.

Through-out the next few hours, you had a ball. Jimin sang to you, you sang to Jimin, you sang together. Everytime Jimin sang to you, you couldn’t help but laugh as he was choosing the silliest of songs that brought back the funniest of memories. You did the same. When you sang together, you sang songs that you both sing to the children or ones they really loved.

Jimin was trying to choose what to sing next. You had a request but you felt silly, but you had never heard him sing it. “Can you please sing our wedding song?” you hushed quietly. The vocal line, minus Jimin, actually sang the song at your wedding but you had never heard Jimin sing the actual song. “What?” he asked, not understanding a word you said. “Our wedding song. Can you please sing it? I’ve never heard you sing it and I’d like too” you smiled, walking closer to him since you went up to get a drink, sitting down next to him and linking his arm whilst putting your head on his shoulder. “You really want me too?” he asked. You nodded.

The way his unique voice filled the song brought tears to your eyes reminising on your wedding and how you felt. Your vows and your dress. You felt as though you were walking down the aisle again, but this time, your husband was next to you.  

Mid-way through the song, Jimin noticed you crying. “Oh darling no-” he laughed slightly, kneeling down in front of you and wiping your tears away. “It brings back memories” you choked, looking up and him, realising it did exactly the same for him as his eyes were puffy and watery too.  

He reached for the monitor and turned it off and came back to sit next to you. The next few minutes you spoke about your wedding and how far you had come. You also spoke about the future and how you both hope there would be more moments like this, even though Jimin was going to become extremely busy again. “At least now, every night, I can come home to my family” he smiled, summing up the conversation perfectly. He was right. He really would be coming home every night and was just streets away if you needed him during the day.

You both pulled yourselves together and stood up and let out a sigh. “You know” Jimin said rather seductively, pushing your hair behind your ear. He continued, “The children are out tonight so what better time than-”. You instantly cut him off. “COME ON, LET’S GO” you proclaimed, brushing past him and grabbing his hand so he could follow you out of the building. You weren’t missing this. The idea of having sex and not having the worry the children or even the members potentially walking in was currently your idea of heaven.

It was the first morning in a long time when you’ve woken up of your own accord. No children or the dog, Milo, bothering you. Yes, Jimin got the dog he had always wanted. You both mutually agreed not to try for any more children, if it happened, it happened and it would be a blessing but it’s not something you both actively seeked out anymore. You both got the 2 boys and 2 girls you had always wanted and they were healthy, that being the main thing. So once the idea of trying for children was out of the way and once Yoongi had also just bought a dog (the children went nuts begging for one), you felt the time was right. Their face was a picture when Jimin walked in with Milo on Christmas Day, a tan and white Sheltie dog. Milo was still in the house but peaceful by the log fire and you couldn’t help but wonder if this experience was a gift for him too, thinking about the peace he was getting this morning without the children trying to dress him up in the twin’s fancy dress outfits from their costume box.

“It’s the last full day at home” Jimin yawned, tired from last night’s events. He was facing you as you both woke up, somewhat intertwined between each other. He moved closer to you as he moved his hand from under your back which led him to have pins and needles shooting up his arm and had to wriggle it around for a hot minute to try and get rid of the sensation. Once achieved, his arm came back down and draped over your side, pulling you even closer to him. “It’s a shame I want this every morning but I’ll be back at work tomorrow” he sighed. You knew just how much he wanted to spend every morning with you like this but the need to go back to work was all too great and the excuse of ‘I wanted to spend a few extra minutes with my wife in bed’ wouldn’t get anyone anywhere in life. “I’ll make you a deal” you chuckled, knowing fine well you were going to regret it knowing how tired you were going to be from the suggestion if he accepts. His eyes widened with curiosity. “I promise to wake up at 5:30 every morning with you. The twins always run into the room just minutes after 6 so that will give us 30 minutes of pure relaxation. Dea-”. You couldn’t even utter the words ‘deal’ out of your mouth before he had kissed you. Obviously meaning a deal. You were both alone in the house, it was good to make use of the time right? You were married after-all.

Jimin’s hands followed the same path on your body that they did the night before. Trailing along your back and to your core. It was only a matter of time before he was on top of you, leaving kisses along the same path his hands had just went on. This time, instead of his focus going South, he trailed his kisses up your stomach and towards your neck, delicately leaving soft traces from his wet lips all over your sensitive neck area. He instantly became handsy again as his lips reached yours after calling out his name. The fire in your stomach was roaring but you needed his lips on yours. That was your idea of the perfect intimate moment between the two of you. Feeling like absolutely nothing could undeter your lust and passion for one another during a kiss, not even his hands moving slowly down your body could make your mind wander from the kisses he gave you. In that moment, you were on cloud nine, thinking you didn’t want this moment to end until- “-Daddy, have you lost something? Mummy can’t help you if you’re on top of her” Rose asked, casually walking into the bedroom...

“SHIT!” you heard Namjoon silently mutter as he covered his eyes, running after the twins in your bedroom, trying not to look at you both flapping around covering your naked bodies. “Namjoon! What are you doing here?” Jimin questioned after quickly finding his boxers that you threw on the floor the night before. “Jimin, it’s 1pm. They were supposed to be home at 11am but I thought I’d give you some alone time.. It looks like it went on longer than expected” Namjoon chuckled, passing him some pyjama trousers that were on the pile of clothes ready to be put into your room, one of the chores Jimin said he would help you with today. “N/G/N really enjoyed looking after the children. I think she’s getting broody” you heard Namjoon say once you had walked out fully clothed. “I’m guessing you don’t see it yet sensing the tone?” you asked intrigued. “Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Namjoon paused. Yourself and Jimin were confused, looking at each other across from the kitchen island, no idea what he was about to say. “I know today is your last day at home Jimin but I’m wondering whether you both could help me” Namjoon asked, facing Jimin and then to you as if to ask for permission. “Of course, anything” you both said in unison. “You know how I’m the GodFather of Samuel and N/G/N is the GodMother? Well I was wondering if I could take him this afternoon for a day out and if he could wear this” Namjoon questioned, handing you a Samuel sized tshirt. “It’s not a problem for you to take Samuel, Namjoon, you know that” Jimin laughed, hitting him slightly in the arm. “Hopefully I can get the other kids looked after and me and Y/N can finish where we left off” Jimin cackled, playing it off as a joke but you could tell he was kind of being serious.  

Tears pricked your eyes. “I’m only joking Y/N, of course we’ll spend time with the older kids today-” you cut Jimin off. “It’s not that” you sobbed. Silently gasping for air from the cute gesture in front of you. You read aloud the shirt “To my Godmother, I was wondering whether you would marry my GodFather? All my love, Samuel”. Jimin looked straight at you and back to Namjoon. “You’re proposing?!” Jimin belted out, not caring if anyone heard. Namjoon nodded, tears coming to his eyes too. You all gathered around for a group hug without uttering another word and after a short moment, yourself and Jimin stepped back looking at Namjoon as if you were sending him off on his first day of school. You rushed to get Samuel a new set of diapers and the other essentials and sent him off with Namjoon, hoping to hear good news in the soon.  

A couple of hours later, after a nice day in with the older children binging on food and watching films, there was a knock on the door. You opened it to a huge ring in your face. Yourself and N/G/N had become really close so you couldn’t help have a girly catch up for just over an hour as Namjoon and Jimin spoke about some trip they were planning. Now that was that. All of the Bangtan Boys had a ring on a girl’s finger and all that was left was for them to complete their families with children and you couldn’t wait to watch.  

As Namjoon and his now fiance slowly left, you watched the way they interacted with all of the kids. You remembered back to when yourself and Jimin were so scared when babysitting your cousin for the first time. That was the first time you had ever mentioned having children. You wondered what was going on in their minds, were they feeling this sort of way too? It was wonderful and intriguing to watch.

“We have 3 more hours before we send the twins off to bed. How about we watch their film and then Benjamin can watch what he wants afterwards?” Jimin suggested to you when walking to the fridge to fetch them more ice cream. You had been stood up in the kitchen for a while, folding away the rest of the laundry that still needed to be hung up in your room but thankfully coming to the end of it so you could finally relax. You nodded, grabbing Jimin’s hand and squeezing it as if to say ‘everything will be ok’. You always sensed his nerves, he was so nervous to leave the children and for what was to come. Without saying a word to each other, you both walked over to the couch hand in hand, you leaving the laundry for tomorrow, and explained that the girls’ film would go first before bed. Benjamin was ok about this as the girls has mutually agreed on a not so girly film. Benjamin was in his element in his racing car chair and stuffing his face as per usual whilst the girls ever so silently managed to budge their way between you and Jimin, Jimin holding Samuel and cooing over him.  

When the film ended, you wanted Jimin to put the girls to bed on his own. It’s not like he would never experience putting them to bed ever again but you wanted him to explain how things were going to be from now on. Their Daddy wont always be there when they wake up or when they get home from their school but it wont be very much longer after they come home for him to arrive home. All the things you thought he should mention, he did, as he briefed you upon return. By this point, you had already put Samuel down too as he was out like a light and didn’t want to disturb him with what you guessed would be Spiderman as Benjamin’s choice of film. Thank you to Jin and Jungkook for that one.  

Jimin had already explained everything to Benjamin with him being older and more aware of adult conversations, he knew something was going on so Jimin made the decision to talk to him. Benjamin was cool about it, especially because he doesn’t arrive home from school until after Jimin would return from work anyway and since Benjamin is home schooled 3 days out of the week and it occurs in the BigHit offices that the children can attend. It was mutually agreed between all of the parents that this happens due to wanting the children to socialise with other children at a mainstream school but also so they get an actual education rather than be interrupted every class about talk that their parents are in BTS. Benjamin attended mainstream school for 2 years but after some investigation due to Benjamin falling behind academically, it seemed as though classes were sometimes interrupted by the topic of BTS so everyone felt like this was the right decision to make not only for Benjamin but for other children in class too.  

Yourself and Jimin were cuddled up on the couch as Benjamin remained in his car chair. “Dad. I’m going to miss you” Benjamin suddenly blurted out, turning his body to face you and Jimin. By God did those words sting you. Jimin remained strong explaining how it would be exactly the same as before, but instead of being at home whilst Benjamin was at school, he’d be at work in the same place he attended school. Benjamin nodded as he walked close to you both and jumped between the two of you. You both looked at each other and it was as if you were speaking telepathically. This child was the most unexpected surprise you had both ever received and became such a huge blessing. He was the cause of so many controversies before he was even born yet despite knowing all of this as you were very transparent with him due to the world you lived in, he was the most calm and down to Earth child you had ever come across. This boy was the person to allow you to see Jimin as the man you love the most, the Father to your children.  

You both simultaneously kissed him on the forehead but you sensed something was wrong and you guessed Jimin had sensed it too since he asked him “There’s something else. What’s wrong my son?”. Benjamin leant more over to Jimin, cuddling into him slightly tighter, not seeming to want to let go. “Dad. When you go on tour, you wont leave me will you?” he asked, looking up to Jimin with puppy dog eyes. Jimin spun him around on his lap resting on the arm rest of the couch, so Benjamin was facing both him and you. “I’ll not be leaving any single one of you and that’s my absolute promise” he smiled up to him. “Pinky promise?” Benjamin giggled. “Pinky promise” Jimin responded, holding out his pinky and locking it with Benjamin’s.  

Your heart died at that little moment but you all naturally went back into watching the film. Benjamin now equal distribution between the both of you. As the film came to an end and it was time for Benjamin’s bed time, you both went to say goodnight. Benjamin was quite grown up for his age, he wasn’t bothered about being tucked in, no bedtime stories or a nightlight, however he was a sucker for a good night hug from his parents and a glass of warm milk with a bit of vanilla honey in it. Jimin stayed with Benjamin as you made his hot milk, thinking about how lucky you were to have such a wonderful life, the ping from the microwave darting you from your day dream. You added in the vanilla honey and stirred whilst walking back to the bedroom. You said your goodnights and started to slowly leave his room. “Dad” you heard him whisper like he always did due to his room being next door to Samuel’s. “What is it son?” Jimin asked, walking towards him and you following, wanting to know what he had to say. “I can’t wait to see you on stage again so I can show my friends and say that I am proud” Benjamin smiled sweetly from what you could see in the dark, light radiating from his face from the somewhat light nights of the early Autumn in Seoul peaking through his window. You could sense Jimin was beaming. “So you can tell your friends your Dad is a singer and you’re proud?” Jimin giggled, somewhat in a heartclenching way, proud as punch. “No, silly” Benjamin responded. “I am proud that you’re my Dad” And with that, Jimin’s eyes pooled with tears, letting a tear slip onto Benjamin’s forehead as he kissed him goodnight one more time.  

Walking into the light of the hallway, far enough away from Benjamin’s room, Jimin turned around and fell to the floor, gripping his knees. “After all of this time, I thought I was a bad Dad for leaving him when I had the tours or other commitments with BTS and he says things like that” he cried as you went on your knees in front of him. “He’s so sweet because you’re his Father” you chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. “Y/N, I really thought I had messed up you know” he stated. You were so confused. Your whole demeanour changed from laughing to being concerned. You looked at him dazed and he knew instantly that you had no idea what he was talking about. “I thought he would hate me for the rest of my life, knowing that I stayed home with Samuel his whole first 2 years, the twins as often as I could and Benjamin not as often as I would have liked. It’s something he could easily find online. I was just so scared Y/N” he confessed. You were stunned. You knew Jimin felt this way when Benjamin was younger and sometimes felt guilty but you didn’t know it affected him this much. “Jimin. Have you seen our children? Have you seen how they adore you? It’s not the time you spend with them but how you spend your time with them that counts” you smiled back, helping him back to his feet. Those words seemed to stick with him forever as from then on, he never let any moment with the kids be a dull one, no matter whether he was tired, sick, stressed.. He always made sure to spend the time he had with the children to the fullest.

“Y/N” you heard him whisper as you both got under your white silk sheets to counteract the body heat that radiates off the both of you in the hot Autumn nights. He faced you and took both of your hands, interacting both of your pinkies with his. “I promise you, the rest of our lives will continue to feel like heaven. No matter where we are physically and mentally. It’s always you and the children who come first and I promise you that I will never let your smile leave your face.” He trailed off slowly as you leant towards him for a long passionate kiss. You cupped his face between your hands to send him some quick kisses to finish off the long passionate one before you went to sleep. “I know” you smiled. You both smiled back at each other in unison and moved your bodies closer together and intertwined with one another that was comfortable enough for you both to fall asleep in.  

“Jimin” you said, opening your eyes about 2 minutes after shutting them. It was as if your body took over as you didn’t know what words were about to come out of your mouth. “Mm?” he questioned, already half asleep. You kissed his forehead and gently recentered back before letting out the words “Tomorrow will be the start of an awfully big adventure”. Your eyes were closing but not fast enough to see the smirk on Jimin’s lip and the mouthing of the words “I love you” before you were sent into a deep sleep.

_____________________________________________________________________

You couldn’t believe what you saw in front of you. It was as if you were experiencing an outer body experience. You reached for the phone and called Jimin straight away. “I know you’re preparing for tour babe, but you need to come home” you muttered out of the words. Jimin could sense your concern straight away so rushed home.  

The past 2 years since Jimin returned to BTS had been amazing. He always came home at the time he said he would, always made sure to be home for food being on the table for a family meal and always kept his promises to the children. Rest assured, he did not want to go on a worldwide tour until Samuel was older and started going to nursery and that it was better for him to fly long distances, rather than being a baby. Whilst they did go on tour, they only had 3 dates in North America, 1 in South America, 3 dates in Europe and 2 in Korea as well as an independent Japanese tour. Yourself and the children had joined him in both Europe and North America, before parting for a week whilst they performed in South America and you and the children returned home before Jimin came back to join you to finish off the tour in Korea.  

You kept thinking about how Jimin was looking forward to such a long tour. He knew he would be tired, you all would be, but you were going to be there for most of it. By this point, you all mutually decided to take your children out of regular school and have them homeschooled. They needed to be with their Fathers. You all didn’t want them to miss out on anything. You all saw this as one big adventure, bringing the children along for the ride for the first time ever on a full blown tour. The tour overall would be 5 months, with a 6 week break in between. It was doable with children, especially since it was planned out to the finest detail. You couldn’t stop thinking about all of those fine details, everything that was planned and ultimately how everything was going to fail before it even commenced..

“Is that-” Jimin gasped, walking through the door of your bedroom. You didn’t even hear him come in. You felt the blood rush to your cheeks, your hands start to tremor and tears come to your eyes. You hadn’t been in this situation since you were 20.  

“Y/N..” he trailed off, climbing onto the bed behind you and scooping his arms around your front. “I guess 5 is our lucky number” you let out a loose laugh. You didn’t know what to think in that moment. “Really Y/N is this real? I don’t know what to believe” Jimin quieried, shocked. You both knew the answer. It was real. It was wrote there in black and white. ‘Pregnant’.

After the birth of Samuel, you never expected to get pregnant again, especially because of your condition. The Doctors told you that due to your condition, your fertility would be practically non-existent by the time you were in your late 20s which you were now. There was just no way. Even though you weren’t using protection, you never expected this to happen. It didn’t happen since Samuel so you already dealt with the fact you could no longer have children. The shock was intense.  

Tears filled Jimin’s eyes when the news settled. You already had had a few hours to process it. “This feels like Benjamin all over again-” Jimin let out. Those words felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders as you were worried to say the same thing. “It’s the unexpected” you responded, grabbing his hand. “Baby, we’re having another baby” you giggled, scooching closer towards Jimin and kissing him multiple times to the point he started joking that you were acting like Milo. He told you he loved you and how happy he was a million times as he laid you on your back, tracing your stomach and asking the ‘little one’, as he called the baby growing inside of you, if they were okay, asking them to grow big and strong for their parents.  

After the happiness came the downfall, the tour. “Where does that leave us?” you asked after a brief discussion. “It’s only 5 months and it starts in 2 weeks, yes you’ll have morning sickness but by the end of the tour you’ll be close to 7 months pregnant right? We should be ok..” you had to stop him. “Jimin, my illness. I have to be closely monitored by a Doctor.”. “Y/N, there’s no way on this Earth that you’re not coming with me, I’ll get you a Doctor to be by your side this whole tour. I promise you.” You were scared, you weren’t going to lie. The unexpected, the nerves, the idea of being ill whilst looking after 4 children with another one growing inside of you. Jimin could sense all of this. “Look Y/N, all of the wives are coming with us. They’ve got your back like all of us members do. I know they’ll all do their share in helping out. It’s always the way it’s been.” He didn’t have to tell you that. You knew. You knew how wonderful your friends and family were. The realisation soon hit though and your face was a beaming mess. “Jimin, we’re having another baby” you smiled, hugging him once more, tears falling down your face. “5 children under the age of 30.. What have we let ourselves in for” Jimin laughed causing you to chuckle with him. “-But there’s only 4” Hoseok asked confused, letting himself in after bringing Jimin’s bag back from the studio which he had left. “Think about it Hoseok..” Jimin giggled, rubbing your stomach in front of him.

As he promised, a Doctor was by your side every step of the way and good riddance too as your morning sickness in the beginning was terrible. Thankfully you didn’t have many bad days once you reached 4 months pregnant. This was also the time yourself and Jimin told the world, announced by his notorious VLives. “What’s the gender?! Everyone is asking” Jimin smirked, reading the comments out loud as you were lying on the bed away from the camera. “Are you having fun in New York? Congratulations! How far along is Y/N? Jimin tell us the gender!” He couldn’t stop laughing from all of the questions and neither could you. “Y/N is 4 months pregnant and whilst we could know the gender, for the first time we have decided not the find out until the birth of our little one. The baby has been called ‘nugget’ by Samuel. His favourite food at the moment. It’s better than “jelly squishy eyeball” that Rose came up with I guess. We have 2 of each gender and we’ll be lucky to have whichever gender this baby is. As long as they’re healthy, we don’t mind.” Jimin explained.  

You were tucked up in the blanket, texting Jin to ask how the twins were getting on and how Namjoon was dealing with the boys. Namjoon’s now wife just found out she was pregnant quite far on in her pregnancy to the point she could find out the gender straight away. It was a little baby boy. Namjoon wanted to look after the boys to see what life would be like as a Dad to a boy. He took every chance he could get. “Y/N, what gender do you think?” Jimin asked. “I’ve said from the start I think it’s a boy. Everyone thinks so.” you explained, Jimin moving the camera around to where you were on the bed but not getting you fully in focus to respect your privacy of only being in an oversized shirt.. “If our baby is a boy, we have enough boys to make a replica BTS” Jimin giggled “so yes, I think it’s a boy too” he carried on explaining.  

The next few months were a whirlwind, it went by so fast and soon enough you were back in Korea, settling down and decorating the baby’s room grey, white and yellow and in a zoo theme. The only bad thing that occurred is when you when you were returning from tour and you ended up tripping over one of the fansites at the airport and were rushed to hospital in fear of the baby’s safety but thankfully, all was okay and you were free to leave.  

It’s not to say the tour didn’t have it’s struggles either. Jimin needed to find his work/life/social balance and at first it was a challenge, but nothing you couldn’t handle. It was more an internal struggle for himself, but there’s only so much help you can give a person without ruling their life and as a wife, that’s something you didn’t want to do. On the days Jimin didn’t have a show or practice which was 4/7 days, he would spend them solely with the family. On the other days, he would spend the days with his friends but would always be back by 6pm not on show dates. Obviously you all attended the shows as a family too. It was also made a deal that each member got their own day child free for date day with their significant others. However because you were pregnant and had the most children anyway, you struggled to look after the babies but would more than happily take the older ones as they were never any problem.  

You couldn’t help but reminisce about the tour as you put up the last photo in the baby’s room. “It was a great tour wasn’t it” Jimin smiled, kissing your bare shoulder as you were walking around in only your Calvin Klein cotton grey underwear set. The photo you just hung up was a frame that Yoongi and his wife bought you and Jimin of all the places you had visited on tour with bump. The map was grey with yellow stars highlighting the cities. It was wonderful.

“Mommy, Daddy..” Samuel sighed, walking into the room hand in hand with Benjamin. “Samuel wants to give you something” Benjamin smiled, ushering Samuel forward. “Give this to nugget” Samuel spoke softly. “But darling, this is yours and Benjamin’s remember?” Jimin responded, knowing your hormones were about to tip you over the edge. “We know Dad. We want to give Nugget this” Benjamin beamed back. “Nugget can have elephant as a present” Samuel joined in with the beaming of his brother. “Are you sure?” you asked, bending down to their level and picking them both up and placing them on the bed beside you. They both nodded. Elephant was Benjamin’s first ever cuddly animal. When you told Taehyung about your pregnancy with Benjamin, he instantly bought you and Jimin gifts, everything you could ever imagine that you hadn’t even thought about yet. “This is Vante, Vante the eleph-vante. Get it?” he chuckled, pointing out all the gifts he had bought you. The memory came back to you so vividly. “I asked Uncle Tae and he said it’s ok” Benjamin said, as if to know what you were thinking. You will never forget the day Samuel was sick and you walked into his room whilst he was sleeping to find Benjamin lying next to him, awake, asking him if he wanted to keep the cuddly toy, to remind him of his big brother when he went to sleep. Samuel was never away from that teddy since then, until now.

//

“You’ve done this 4 times already! This baby will slip right out” the Nurse giggled, rushing to your bedside after Jimin rushed you to hospital after your waters broke all over the Gucci store’s floor. You were shopping for baby gifts for Taehyung’s baby who was recently just announced and as soon as you reached the baby section, it was go time for you. Taehyung’s baby still had 6 months to arrive, it could wait whilst you pushed a baby out of you. “Well 3 times actually, I had twins” you joked back, hoping the idea of this baby just slipping out was true.

“Y/N, you’re already 10cm dialated. I’m getting the Doctor in now for you to push” the Nurse quickly explained, buzzing in the Doctor. Jimin looked calm yet stressed at the same time. Labour had never happened like this before, it was either scheduled, or slow and agonising. “Jimin, this is the last time I’m doing this” you gasped in between pushes. Everyone in the room giggled, in the moment, you didn’t find anything funny. You were being deadly serious. You forgot how much this shit hurt.  

Jimin looked down as he always did and tears kept falling as they had done from when your water broke. “Blonde hair! I see loads of blonde hair!” he gasped. None of your other children had been light haired but since you were naturally light haired, it made for a happy change. “If you keep pushing like you are doing, the baby should be out within the next 2 minutes, keep going!” the Doctor championed on.  

And with that, silence filled the room as you breathed a sigh of relief, followed by a high shrieked cry coming from your baby. “5:22pm” you heard the Nurse call. “Jimin, that’s our anniversary” you let out, somewhat speechless because of the coincidence and also because you just pushed a 6lb 4 baby from your vagina. By this point, Jimin had his head in your chest, thanking you for another wonderful gift.  

The moment was broken by a Nurse asking “you haven’t found out the gender yet right?”. Jimin didn’t know, you both made the decision to not know until the baby was placed in your arms so as the baby was entering the world, he looked up at you, telling you he loved you countless times. You also requested the baby to be wrapped in a white blanket, no way of knowing judging by a colour.  

“I want to wait-” you paused. “I want the children to meet the baby as nugget, before any names arrive. They got attached to nugget didn’t they” you smiled, looking down at your beautiful baby. You knew in your heart the gender. You just knew. But you were struggling with a name. “They’re right outside. I’ll go and get them” Jimin smiled, kissing you on the forehead before leaving. Jungkook was looking after the children whilst his wife and daughters were on a girly spa day, so brought them over immediately when he heard the news from Jimin that the labour wasn’t going to be a long one and he should bring the children.

The baby in front of you symbolised the end of yours and Jimin’s gifts to the world. You always thought Samuel was the last, but this baby was a very much welcomed surprise. Your heart flickered when their eyes started to slowly open, showing their Dad’s brown eyes beautifully. “You have double lids like Samuel” you giggled, gently feathering your babies lashes with your thumb.

“NUGGET!” Samuel cried out, running towards the bed. “Be careful!” Jimin shouted, escorting in the twins who looked slightly nervous. “This, this is nugget?” Benjamin stammered. Benjamin was old enough now to realise what was going on. “I’m your big brother” he smiled. That instantly caused you to cry as he started reaching over to kiss her. After the moment of sheer heart flutter, Jimin plonked them on the bed one by one next to you.  

“Wait Dad!” Evie stopped Jimin before settling on the bed, “Can you bring the bag?” she asked. Rose nodding along. The children were having a conversation amongst themselves whilst you basked at the vision of your life in front of you, bliss.  

“Here boys, this is from you to nugget” Rose stated, handing the boys an item wrapped in random wrapping paper they’d obviously found from the craft cupboard. “This one is from us!” Rose and Evie chanted in unison, wanting to get in first. “You didn’t have to do anything” you smiled. You opened up the bag and both girls had drew a picture of the family, it was adorable and in your emotional state, it was a lot to take in. You couldn’t help notice that at the bottom of the bag were strewn chicken nuggets from their McDonalds run with Jungkook before arriving to the hospital. Thankfully minus any dipping sauce otherwise the gifts would be ruined.  

“What’s this?” you asked, pulling a gift from the bag. One labelled Mummy and one Daddy. You opened it up to see a necklace with charms added on it, an initial for each one of your children. “An extra E?” you asked, confused, looking at Jimin as if he knew something as he opened up his watch, it engraved with the initials of his children. Jungkook was in the room at the time and cared to explain. “We all chipped in for these gifts. You’ve both been amazing role models to us as parents and this is only a small token as to how we can pay you back. They all came to myself and Jin and asked if we could help them with a present for you. When Benjamin mentioned about initials, we all loved the idea but we didn’t know the gender, let alone what you would name the baby. Rose and Evie were dead set on N for Nugget but we all thought maybe not. We were going to leave it blank but Samuel kept repeating E over and over again when we asked about initials. We thought to humour him we may as well just do it and if it were to be any other initial we would just get you a new charm and add to your engraving Jimin” he explained, hugging you both towards the end.

Composing yourself after such a generous gift, you wanted to dig deeper. “Why E Samuel?” you asked. Without a moments hesitation, he handed you the gift. “Elephant” you smiled, opening the present, carefully unwrapping the craft paper which you knew you wanted to keep. You kept looking at the elephant due to it being such a wonderful token from the boys that you seemed to miss a crucial clue. “Oh my God Y/N, look at the foot” Jimin gasped. On the front of the elephant’s foot read a name, wrote in Benjamin’s handwriting out of the request of Samuel.

“Elephant. Elephant for my nugget. Elephant for Ellie Nugget” he cooed, reaching over to the baby and smiling above.

“ELLIE! Ellie-Elephant” he beamed. “But what if it’s not a girl?” Jimin giggled, watching him call the baby Ellie without even knowing the gender.  

“Jimin.” you stopped. Your eyes weeped and your head tilted back hitting the somewhat comfortable hospital pillow. "Call it Mother's intuition and I’m so sorry but I don’t think your boyband is complete yet. I think this is our baby Ellie” you smiled. Even by looking at your face, he knew you were right. He trusted your instincts completely.

Jimin took the baby from you and stared right into their eyes. He layed the baby down on the table. He turned around, his chocolate brown eyes looking even more heavenly. “We’ve got another Princess” he bashfully said..  

“Welcome to the World, Ellie”

_____________________________________________________________________

“Ellie, I swear if you hit your brother one more time, you’ll not be allowed to go to the concert next week” Jimin put his foot down. The children had been acting up all day and it was driving you both insane. Thankfully the other members were on their way to have a nice gathering at your house for Taehyung’s birthday.

“You’ve now joined me at 30!” Jimin laughed, pulling Taehyung in for a hug when he walked through the door. “You’re early?” you questioned, hoping the other members would get here before him. “Oh, well I have a good reason for that” he smiled. Taehyung’s presence had somehow managed to calm down the children, he seemed to have that calming effect on all of them. “Hold on, where’s T/G/N?” you asked, completely confused as to why she and Daea weren’t there.  

Without a moments notice, Taehyung shot out words that neither you and Jimin were expecting. “I’m joining the club” he laughed, knowing you both would become even more confused. The club? What was he on about. “T/G.N isn’t here because she’s at the hospital, we’re having twins” he beamed. More children!? This Bangtan Baby malarky was becoming not only a band, but the whole K-Pop community. This was most certainly the last children BTS were planning on having, especially because 6/7 of them were now in their 30s with multiple children.  

You couldn’t help but cry. T/G/N and Taehyung had been trying for a child for the past 3 years and after a try of IVF, which nobody knew they were having until now, they were successful. “But I’m here to ask your permission..” he trailed off, looking at you both in the eyes, constantly going between the two of you but still at a slow enough pace to see the sincerity in his eyes.  

“It’s a boy and a girl. Y/N, I’ve admired the way you have brought up your children and been an absolutely amazing role model to Daea as well as helping myself and T/G/N through extremely difficult times of conceiving as well as online backlash from fans when we announced our engagement. I don’t think I can ever explain how happy you have made me in my life. You made me the Godfather to your children and that’s something I can never put into words. Myself and Y/N would be honoured if our daughter could take your first name as her middle name”. You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Did yours and Jimin’s relationship and parental skills influence people so much? It seemed so.  

“And Jimin” Taehyung said, turning to him. “I honestly don’t know where to start. You’re my best friend and someone I have known since high school. I will always remember the day you came to me and told me that a beautiful girl had came to your house to do a study for a school project on Korean families and you wanted to make her yours. You told me you’d marry her and have kids with her someday. Then that happened, a lot quicker than expected. You both faced backlash for being young and not married when the news was announced Y/N was pregnant with Benjamin. It affected you more than I have ever seen anything affect anyone. You just wanted the world to be happy for you because you were so indescribably happy. You walked on air and suddenly had this spring in your step as it was slowly sinking in that you were going to be a Dad. I remember not really understanding how someone could be so happy. Then Daea arrived and all of that changed. You were there to guide me and comfort me when times were hard but I honestly don’t think that I could have been this great a Father if it wasn’t for you. That’s why myself and T/G/N are wondering whether you would give us the honour of naming our son Jimin, after you”.

How was it that all of a sudden, you suddenly get a deeper connection with someone you have known for years? You both nodded your heads like puppy dogs in agreement to what he was asking and gave him the biggest hug possible, both pushing him back on the couch before the children joined by jumping on their Uncle Tae.

“Where’s Daea?” Benjamin asked, smitten. “Benji, I think I will be upset if you don’t marry my daughter someday” Taehyung laughed. Oh, if only he could see the future and how slippery that slope could be.  

All the members and their families had arrived by this point, with Taehyung telling everyone the good news. T/G/N and Daea arrived shortly after to a round of applause and congratulations. Benjamin ran immediately over to play with Daea, obviously.  

You couldn’t help but look at the sight in front of you and feel yourself getting emotional. You were introduced to BTS after falling in love with Jimin. You had only met a few members a few times before you found out you were pregnant. You were scared they were only getting to know you because they had too, but that wasn’t the case at all. You all had your own little families, but this was one big family. Indescribable and something nobody could ever reciprocate. Other than your husband, the members were like brothers, their wives like your best friends and their children like the children you would have been blessed to birth yourself. You loved them all so much and were in love with this idea of heaven.

“I need to say something”. Words left your mouth faster than you could speak and by the time you had registered what you had said, everyone was staring at you in silence, even the children. “I-I-” you stammered, not exactly sure where to start.  

“I love you all and-”

You couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened between you all. 

Everyone found the love of their life.

Jimin with you, a foreign student attending University in Busan for the Summer.

Jungkook with a fan.

Taehyung with his childhood best friend.

Hoseok with a dancing partner from a solo project.

Yoongi with his long distance girlfriend from before debut.

Namjoon with his make up artist.

Jin with an ex girl group member.  

Everyone had children (and their Korean names of course).

Jimin and yourself had Benjamin, Rose, Evie, Samuel and Ellie.

Jungkook had Faith and now, Joshua thanks to some medical advances.

Taehyung had Daea and soon to be James (Jimin) and Julia.  

Hoseok had Harry and Harlow.

Yoongi had Florence and Luca

Namjoon had Oliver and in the future he has Thomas (the final Bangtan Baby)

Jin had Madeline and Gabriel and recently Harriet.  

You remembered the good times and the bad times, the easy times and the hard times, the funny times and the hard times, but you wouldn’t change a thing. Members walking in on you and Jimin, you walking in on members and their significant others. Watching members walking down the aisle, having the children, making huge life decisions.. And now we were onto this one. One to change everything.

“I’ll take it from here Y/N” Namjoon took over from your thoughts that quickly rushed through your mind, walking towards you and walking you towards the table where he started his speech. His speech to break everyone’s hearts.

//

Arriving at Jamsil Stadium, you could feel the tension in the air. You felt uneasy. Everyone did. To not make this anymore confusing in terms of emotions, the families sat in their own area. You zipped up the coats of all of the children, adding hand warmers into their coat pockets and their hands covered in BTS gloves.

“Daddy I love you” Gabriel screamed when Jin appeared on screen in the VCR. The whole crowd roared with laughter and “aws”. The children loved this so once their Dad’s appeared on the screen they kept proclaiming their love, much to the adoration of the crowd.

“It’s time” Jimin mouthed, noticing him from behind the curtain in the corner. You blew him a kiss. What else could you do? You didn’t know what to do.  

From No More Dream to their most recent hit, Like to Home, Danger to Dionysus, Boy In Luv to Boy With Luv, War of Hormone to Make It Right, Run to Tear, I Need U to Dimple, Spring Day to Idol and everything in between. Tonight was a party. A celebration. But soon, the party had to come to an end.  

And with that, the curtain closed. The curtain finally closed on BTS.

The sobs around the stadium were Earth shattering and heart stopping. The high pitched wails from fans around the world who had stuck by the members through thick and thin. They didn’t deserve this heart ache, but the members did it for them, even if they didn’t realise it yet.  

-“I’m worried our presence holds ARMY back” Jungkook said one day. He was right. Some fans don’t make the effort to have a social life, hold a decent conversation in person or follow their dreams because in the moment, they believe all their live is set up to be is a fan of BTS. Wrong. They were so much more than that and if an extremely long hiatus is what it took for them to realise, then so be it. If they ever came back, the fans would return if they found time. Not because they had time to ‘waste’.-

You knew Jimin was nervous, he was worried to leave. But in essence, nobody was leaving. Nobody ever said they wouldn’t return. Nobody said they were no longer a band. They were just stopping promotions for a long while. “The next Take That of K-Pop" one English news outlet broadcasted and maybe that was true, maybe the would come back. Nobody could ever see the future.  

The possibility for group projects were never off the table. They were all planning on working on solo stuff so why couldn’t a collab be in the works. “Just because we might not be promoting as BTS, doesn’t mean we’ll not always be BTS. BTS is in our blood” Seokjin explained during the final ment. “I’m still waiting for that collab Yoongi-hyung" Taehyung joked, trying to make Yoongi laugh since he started crying and couldn’t stop during Love Myself half way through the set.

Jimin had been awfully quiet. “G-g-guys" he mustered up the courage when his face came on the screen, all puffy and red. Everyone’s face matched his. Even the children’s. Most of them were old enough now to know what was going on so they were emotional or they just had Jack Frost nipping at their adorable chubby cheeks.

“I promise I’ll never leave you. We will never leave you” Namjoon ushered out, trying to fill in the gaps of Jimin’s long pause.

“Can I do something?” Jimin asked the crowd. The cry from the crowd was different. The last question he’ll ever ask for a long time and they knew that. He seemed desperate for whatever he wanted to happen. It was as if after all this time, the pent up emotions of ARMY dissolved. It didn’t matter what awards they won, how many Youtube titles they took, records they broke, TV shows attended.. None of that mattered. ARMY were no longer a force to be reckoned with. They felt broken. But do you know what kept them together? BTS’ happiness. Whatever they wished for, ARMY would grant.

“I want to walk around this stadium. I want to be able to hug every single one of you and whilst I know that’s not possible. I want to see you up close. I want you to see me. I want you to remember me. I know in time, we will dwindle out of your life but you will always be in my heart and my feelings towards you all can only get bigger. ARMY, if I and the other members walk around, do you promise not to leave your seats? Do you promise to say safe? I will only do this if you promise to protect yourselves and others around you. I want to do this ARMY. Let me see you so I can etch this moment in my heart and never let it go.”

And for one last time, Jimin’s wish was ARMY’s command.

It was silent. Nobody spoke, you only heard silent muffled sobs. That’s when you realised your life was changing infront of your eyes and you hadn’t realised. You had only known Jimin in BTS, what was your life together going to be like? You couldn’t wait for the possibilities and in all honestly, you smiled a faint smile knowing your husband was going to be able to wake up next to you from now on and make you his famous orange and pear juice that he made for you if he was ever off work. Knowing that the children can have their Daddy whenever they wanted, without calling to ask him to come home. It was time. Everyone knew it. But you knew this would break his heart, but as his wife, you were going to get him through it, just like the rest of the members. Your thoughts were broken as Jimin came over to your area and kissed you with a different type of kiss. It was passionate but longing, it was as if he was promising to take care of you for the rest of his life no matter what happens and that everything he has ever done was all for you but now it’s time to focus on you and the children. He was yearning at the thought of all the years and experiences spent together. It was an amazing kiss. A one that lasted a while, in front of the whole crowd, but you didn’t care. This crowd loved BTS for their music and their happiness. You detached your lips and placed out your palm as if to signal him that he should walk around. He already spoke with the children, you were his stop after the kids and now, ARMY was his last.

The ARMY bombs around you suddenly turned a multitude of purple tones. “This is for you” Taehyung cried in a muffle, speaking in both Korean and English.

And suddenly, Young Forever started to play on the screen. A lot like their notorious surprise at Wembley Stadium but this time, they planned this. They needed ARMY to remember them in some way. Apparently this was the way to do it, but they obviously didn’t realise by just being around and making music was the way ARMY would remember them but this, this was special.

Sobs got louder, wails got more high pitched and the inhaling of breath took over. Within moments, it was over. The stadium became dark and a cold twitch soared through your body. It seemed like everyone experienced it as there was an almightly shudder that occurred at the same time.

They bowed for one final time, not wanting to come up, Namjoon having to make the first move.

They walked back to the front stage, awaiting for their slow descent.  

“You’ve got me..” Jungkook sang. “I’ve got you” the crowd replied.

“So show me..” Taehyung called. “I’ll show you” the crowd replied.  

“It’s okay now count..” Namjoon chanted. “1,2,3!” the crowd replied. “Forget all of the sad memories, hold my hand and smile” Hoseok finished.

“You showed me I have reasons..” Jin trailed off. “I should love myself” the crowd replied.

“The morning will come again, because no darkness or season can last forever. Bogoshipda” Yoongi spoke in English, finishing off in Korean. “Bogoshipda” the crowd replied.

“Forever, we are young..” Jimin sang. Immediately stopping himself. He composed himself, taking a deep breath, looking at ARMY.

“And with that, we’ll love you forever. Forever we are young and forever, we are yours”.  

And just like that they were gone.

The screen turned to black, a message slowly appearing moments later.

‘Special thanks to our forever love and support, our heart and soul, our forever ours, ARMY. Let’s hope for better days.’

And in the next 10 years, they all achieved greatness.  

_______________________________________________________________________

“Dad, I swear it’s not what it looks like” Benjamin gasped, Jimin walking in. At this point, only Samuel (17 and currently dating Jin’s youngest daughter Harriet) and Ellie (now 15, but crushing on Jungkook’s son Joshua) still lived with you and Jimin. Benjamin was now 24 and the twins had just turned 22, both living apart for the first time with their boyfriends. Whilst Rose was dating someone in the fashion industry where she worked, Evie was engaged to Hoseok’s son Harry with whom she’d been dating from being 15.  

Jimin couldn’t help but have his mind cast back to when his Father walked in on yourself and Jimin doing the deed. He laughed slightly at the memory but the seriousness came crashing down. “Daea, does Taehyung know you’re here?” he asked, looking straight at her. She was a grown adult of course, but due to what had went on in the past few years, Jimin didn’t think this was a good idea.

It’s not as if anything dirty was happening, Jimin walked in on them kissing rather passionately. Just like the time you walked in on them doing the same thing 4 years prior.  

-”Mrs. Park-” Daea gasped over Benjamin’s shoulder. “Fuck” he let out. It was at this moment yourself and Jimin were worried things were going to get complicated. It did, a lot. But thankfully, it caused no damage to your friendship with Taehyung. Benjamin and Daea were so in love with one another, they reminded everyone of you and Jimin, however, they went around things the completely wrong way. They messed around with other people, trying to shake their love away, thinking it wasn’t reciprocated. They didn’t talk to each other about feelings and it messed things up time and time again. Daea was like your daughter too. She came to you about your son breaking her heart and Benjamin went to Taehyung, his Godfather, about Taehyung’s daughter breaking his heart. Years passed and they continued to be together in terms of one off dates and the “i love yous” then silence for a few weeks.. As a collective, yourself and Jimin, Taehyung and T/W/N told them they needed to sort out their priorities and maybe stay apart for a while. It was at this point Daea called Taehyung crying, leaving a voicemail she was in love with him whilst he was fooling around with his only ever girlfriend who was his ex since he was 19. A short lived romance, when Benjamin was desperate for Daea’s love but didn’t think he could have it. Obviously, she ended up walking in on Benjamin’s actions and all hell broke loose, with Daea also spending the night with her ex and Benjamin finding out the next morning due to Daea’s snapchat location. It wasn’t yours or Jimin’s fight, neither was it Taehyung’s or Y/W/N. They needed to sort it themselves but for sure, nobody was happy with their decisions.-

“We-we” Benjamin stuttered, putting his top back on. You heard some commotion as you were walking through the front door with furniture you bought from IKEA for the new flat he had moved into. Jimin looked at you, a hand on his hip and an eye roll was presented to you as you walked closer. You saw who was in the room and let out another sigh, hoping it wasn’t going to be the umpteenth time you cleaned up the heartbreak mess.  

Time seemed to go really slowly even though you were only there around 10 seconds. “We-we’re dating. We have been for 6 months” Benjamin let out, seeing his shoulders come down as if to release the weight of the world that was evidently on it. “We didn’t tell anybody because the media still follows us and pays attention to our every move. When we spoke, properly, we realised that it was the media’s input on our lives that affected the decisions that we made. ‘Daea was spotted with mystery man’ popped up on my phone every now and again and I would lose it. I never had the guts to tell her I wanted to be that man. But I finally did and it’s been working out so far”.  

The smile couldn’t escape yours and Jimin’s face, you literally ran over to them and scooped them both into a hug, squishing Benjamin’s face onto yours like you used to do when he was a child. “You can tell Taehyung though” you laughed, eyeing Benjamin. He nodded in agreement, as did Daea.  

Whilst all the members were working on solo projects, Benjamin became keen and interested in the industry. He was now a well-known choreographer for rookie groups, helping them perfect and hone in on their first performances. A critic but someone who was loveable and everyone wanted him for their rookies. BigHit ended up hiring him recently to choreograph the first boy group since TXT’s numbers for the next 5 years, a contract he had been wanting since Jimin told him about it 2 years back. Daea also followed in the choreography path and was currently choreographing routines for Jin’s new entertainment company which was made up of, you guessed it, some of Bangtan’s children aswell as another boygroup of a younger age. None of your children chose to follow that path apart from Ellie, who was a trainee at BigHit as Jin’s entertainment company was solely focusing on their male trainees for a 5 piece boy band and also the trio group consisting of Harry (Hoseok’s son and Evie’s fiance), Oliver (Namjoon’s son) and Joshua (Jungkook’s son). They were aged 21-18 and focused solely on acoustic performances and were immediately adored by the public when they debuted a year ago.  

Rose and Evie both worked in the fashion industry for a popular Korean brand, who’s main job was to style idols. But they also had other commitments. Rose took over from Jin’s performing arts studio where the twins both attended when they were young and Evie had multiple businesses including dainty jewellery and a wholesaler of fabric.  

Jungkook’s daughter Faith, as well as Jin’s daughter Madeline both trained to become paramedics, not wanting to be in industry. Taehyung’s son worked as a movie director and Julia was a well known actress, at this point, being more famous than what her Dad was at 20. Julia was also engaged to Jin’s son Gabriel, who was a CEO of a law firm. Hoseok’s daughter Harlow became joint owner of his sister’s online clothing business, as well as making a subsiduary and venturing out into bags and shoes. Yoongi’s 2 children Florence and Luca were inspired by their Father a lot, they both became composers, Florence for JYP and Luca for Jin’s label. Harriet (Jin’s youngest) and Thomas (Namjoon’s youngest) were the youngest babies, other than Samuel, Harriet being a couple of months older. Harriet was determined to make it in music but wanted to go through the University route and was recently accepted on early admission to Seoul National University. Thomas didn’t want to be in the industry and was focused on getting the grades to attend university and study interior design.

Samuel? He wanted to be a videographer. He loved watching Taehyung and Jungkook continue to make their films, as well as James (Taehyung’s son) being a director. He was inspired. His back up plan was to become a policeman, a lot like his Dad wanted to do when he was younger. At 17, he had a lot of decisions to make, but it seemed as though life had already planned that for him.  

Thankfully, all of the members were still with their partners and even more in love than ever. During the past 10 years, members had come together for special anniversary performances that were filmed in the offices and posted online, never a concert or anything. The rap line did do their own world tour, with the vocal line releasing 3 CDs and some individual mix tapes along the way. Jin and Taehyung dabbled in acting, Jungkook filmed some solo artists MVs, with Jimin becoming more confident in his song writing and writing songs for the most popular groups right now. This was only the tip of the iceberg, the all tried their hand in so many things. Yoongi and Jungkook even opened up a chain of restaurants to much success, specialising in lamb.. Lamb skewers of course.

You and Jimin, you were stronger than ever. Never missing your date weekend when Ellie would spend time in the BigHit dorms, now inside the BigHit office building, to bond with fellow trainees and Samuel would make himself scarce at Namjoon’s house where his best friend Thomas lived (Namjoon’s youngest and the youngest Bangtan baby).  

Date weekends comprised of anything, a trip away, a karaoke bar, a meal, a stay in the house, a concert.. You name it. There was never a time when you both stopped reminding each other of how you were meant to be and in awe of everything about each other. You both regularly made the effort to reminise about your relationship and that was extremely beautiful. It was a tradition you both loved, a lot like Benjamin putting his first baby hat on top of the Christmas tree instead of a star. The baby hat that was passed down to your youngest.  

“I just remembered we need to get the Christmas boxes out of storage” you piped up to Jimin, as if to hurry him along because you had a busy day today. “Do you want a wreath making again this year Benjamin?” you asked, walking from his bedroom door and turning his light off that was on during the middle of the day. He nodded happily. “Remember to talk to Taehyung” Jimin said, wagging his finger in a joking way as you grabbed his hand. You weren’t the cool kids anymore and he needed to stop acting like he was ‘down with the kids’.  

You both couldn’t stop talking about the situation on the car ride home. You were both so glad that their relationship was finally settled and they were happy. A text from Benjamin popped up on your phone as you pulled into the parking spot. ‘Just told Uncle Tae. He seemed mad at first but when we explained, he understood our position and now he’s really happy for us’. “He knows” you smiled at Jimin and he smiled back at you. Finally, you didn’t have to worry about anything. Everyone was happy and that’s the main thing.

You both walked up to your apartment hand in hand, giggly as if it were 15 years ago (always keeping the spark alive) to notice the door already unlocked. You swore you locked it and Samuel and Ellie should still be out for another 2 hours. Jimin pushed the door open first, shielding you incase there was an intruder. You tutted at the sheer thought of it considering how much security you need to get past to get up here and especially since there was no sign of intrusion. Jimin waved his hand in as you saw a puzzle look come across his face.

“Samuel, are you here?” Jimin called out, noticing his jacket on the couch. It was totally unlike Samuel to come home early, if anything, he was always a few hours late from playing the latest video game. The house was quiet but your Motherly instincts could tell something was up. Within moments, the bathroom door creaked open and out walked Samuel with his hands up to his face. You instantly knew he was crying, his demeanour was different.

Jimin walked over to him straight away, bringing him in for a hug, and then brought him over to the sofa with a hang over his back. “What’s wrong my darling?” you asked him as he fell into your shoulder. You were so concerned, you and Jimin kept looking backwards and forwards between yourselves, also catching glimpses of each other in the mirror opposite.  

“Please don’t hate me” he sobbed, making the shoulder of your white top see-through. “We would never hate you, just tell us what it is and we can solve this, together” you smiled, gripping Jimin’s hand behind Samuel’s back, no idea what was about to come out of his mouth.  

“Harriet is pregnant. I’m going to be a Dad..” he trailed off.

The pain in your chest hit you like it was yesterday. Dejavu of yourself and Jimin becoming pregnant with Benjamin. The looks you got when pushing around the pram, having people disappointed in you, saying they hated your baby before he was even born.. It was tough, but you both got through it together. The only thing was that you were both in your early 20s, Samuel wasn’t even at the age of consent and neither was Harriet. You wanted to say “shit” so badly but all you and Jimin could do was look at each other and think about the heartache you went through, when it really should have been the most euphoric experience of your life. Not to say it wasn’t an amazing experience, but people have their way of ruining things for others, and people’s spiteful comments towards you, your relationship, Jimin and your baby were it for you. No way were you going to let your little boy live the feelings you both did.  

You found out that Jin already knew after Harriet told him she might be pregnant before even taking a test. Harriet told Jin a week before telling Samuel, just to give Jin some time to calm down. He was furious, but there was nothing he could do, it was something that would have to be taken in everyone’s stride.

After the words were over, calming him down and going over Jin’s house for a talk, everything was settled and it was more about being prepared for the baby to come rather than anything else.

“We’re going to be Grandparents” you said, lying awake that night, it suddenly hit you. Jimin turned to you and kissed your forehead replying “I know” and tears filling his eyes, which you only picked up from because of the lamp in the corner of the room glistening his tears. “I’ll tell the girls tomorrow” Jimin stated, kissing you again on the forehead. Benjamin had already found out, Samuel asked for him to be there when everyone went to Jin’s house.  

Jimin’s hands intertwined with yours, pulling you closer. “Our little family became a rather large one and now it’s expanding and other than you, I think that’s the most beautiful thing I could have ever dreamed of” he smiled, squeezing your hand a little more. He knew you were worried, your little boy becoming a Father. Now wasn’t the time for Jimin to try and get into your pants either, something that always ended up happening on date weekend, multiple times, however he turned you around, his chin nustled into your neck and wrapping his hand around your stomach, cooing you to sleep whilst moving his free hand above to your head, running his hands through your hair to help you fall asleep.

The next morning, Jimin had told the girls before you even woke up. He didn’t want to wake you, especially because you both didn’t get to sleep until late due to lying awake at the idea of being Grandparents. “Our family is our magic shop” you heard Evie say from the other room, waking yourself up to the sound of people's muffled voices. Evie always said that. Magic Shop was her favourite song and she loved the idea of escaping and being able to join people in their emotions in this ‘other world’. It was her favourite song as a child too. She often talked about visiting the magic shop in her dreams and her family was always there, even the ‘extended family’ meaning BTS and their families. Rose shared in the same experience. “Exactly dad, Magic Shop equals family. If any of us need to escape, we don’t need to run away and hide from it, we just need to console in our family, because they’re the ones who will truly help us” she smiled to you as you appeared in the doorway. You smiled a half smile, still evidently nervous. “He’ll be okay you know? He’s got us” you heard Ellie say, bringing you over a cup of coffee, obviously overhearing you rustle around in the bedroom as you were getting ready. You knew everything would be okay, you knew that. But it was still so hard. You and Jimin had it tough, everyone knew that. It was an unspoken mutual decision that everyone was going to do everything in their power to not let this repeat again.

“Dad, you’re releasing that song soon right?” Ellie asked as she handed Jimin the cup of tea too. You looked at him slightly confused. “A song?” you asked. He’d been telling you he was working on writing lyrics for another group, not himself. “Ellie!” Benjamin scoffed.  

Jimin’s eyes rolled, his surprise obviously now in your mind.. Not a surprise as such, more a confusion. He could have probably let it play out and you would have forgotten because of your sleepy state but he went on to tell you the truth. “It’s our wedding anniversary tomorrow and I wrote you a song for it. It’s an updated version of Serendipity, which I wrote for you when we first married” Jimin cooed, playing with his fingers, as if he went back 20 odd years to the time he told you he first had wrote you a song.

You were lucky. You were so lucky. Your family. Your friends. Your life. Everything was great. Jimin came over to you, obviously noticing you were overwhelmed and took your hand. And as if by magic, you could see your future pan out before your eyes, and it was the most wonderful one you could ever imagine.

_______________________________________________________________________

“They aren’t going to know what has hit them” Namjoon’s wife called, gathering around the computer in Yoongi’s apartment. The past 5 years was the best 5 years of everyone’s lives. The babies were adults, doing their own thing and you all got to spend time with your significant other only for the first time in a very long time. Benjamin and Daea were now happily married with a baby on the way. The twins were married too. By God, the look on Jimin’s face when he had to give them away was a picture. He told Ellie she couldn’t get married until she was at least 40 but that didn’t exactly happen. It had been a year since Ellie moved out and into a shared flat with some of the younger Bangtan ‘babies’ but was engaged to a fellow trainee, much to Jimin’s delight as Jimin was actually his ‘ex-idol’ coach which is something BigHit were now doing. Samuel moved out 4 years ago in an apartment next door to you and Jimin for independence with the baby and Harriet, to whom he was getting married to in less than a few weeks. Recently though, Harriet and Samuel decided that Busan was there home rather than Seoul, so they took over from looking after your house in Busan, whilst you and Jimin decided to stay in Seoul for the foreseeable future due to the upcoming events.  

“Y/N can you get a plaster? Charlotte’s fell over when I was chasing her” Jin asked, rushing in as if a slight graze was the worst thing he’s ever done in his life. Charlotte was your Grandchild. It was so surreal how Charlotte joined you and Jimin, Jin and his wife together. By this point, Evie had a baby boy too, with Rose following behind and currently standing at 6 months pregnant.  

You scrambled to get a plaster, not wanting to miss anything that was about to unfold.

“K-POP Superstars BTS have announced their return 15 years after announcing they were working on solo projects aswell as taking a well deserved break with their families” the news blared in the background. “How do they even know this?” Jimin looked puzzled. It was before the official statement from the company but obviously something was leaked as per usual. Thankfully, it was only seconds later that the statement was published.

Dear ARMY,

You’ve waited a long time for us right? We’ve been by your side even if you didn’t think we were there. We’ve always been watching over you and it’s been a pleasure to see you all on a calmer basis when we are out and about with family. However, the reason we are coming to you today is because even though we love to see you all personally, we have missed you all terribly for the last 15 years. As much as our wives and children have been telling us to come back a lot sooner than we have, we all wanted to make sure it was the right time for everyone. Everyone needs the opportunity of having the luxury that is family time.  

We are so happy to announce that we will have a comeback next month on the 5th of October. As well as this, we will be posting soon about a world tour to start in January next year.  

A lot of you will be older than us right? The same ages, slightly younger? But it’s been a while. A lot of you will have family and other commitments and might not be able to support us like you did back then but that’s ok. You supported us once and that’s more than we ever deserved. But if you’re back to support us on our next venture, thank you. There’s some ARMY out there who have never stopped supporting us through our 15 years and we hope you will continue to do so. Even if you had to leave for commitments or whatever reason, you are welcome to come back or you can remain at a distance. Like we said, thank you for being a part of our lives.

Our families now have families and are enjoying their lives, now it’s our turn to get back to our passion. We have missed you guys.

All of our love,

See you soon. BTS.

Harriet was the new music producer for BTS after successfully completing university whilst pregnant and being a young parent. All of the other producers were classed as co-producers whilst working for other companies.

You didn’t expect the rush of comments to come through as thick and fast. You were sure it was going to be a small scale thing like “oh yeah you remember that kpop band? They're back”. Oh how wrong you were. It was as if they had never left. And do you know why? ARMY never left and neither did BTS.

//

Starting back where they left it at Jamsil Stadium, the world tour was about to begin. This time, the children were able to stay at home if they wanted, come along or join whenever they wanted/could. It was all down to them. You? Of course you were going. You loved this. You loved seeing Jimin being his true self again. A performer, something he loved. Yes he had his Asian tour one time but this, this was back in BTS, back where he felt safe and comfortable. However, this time, maybe not so much choreo, the 95s were now 45! If anything, it was a celebration and a party more than a concert.

Each member was in a different room with their families. Everyone attended their first concert. Jimin looked so happy, it was if he was having another child. But deep down, you knew he was nervous and the children could sense it too.  

Dressed in a grey suit to greet the crowd first and foremost, he sat down on the couch and rolled his head back, controlling his breathing, thinking about how this is the start of his new forever. You had spoken to him so many times about this. For the past 18 months, this had been in the works and for those past months, you soothed his fears in bed every night. This time, you couldn’t soothe them. You felt emotional at him finally doing what he loved doing, second to being a Father. Just like that time you went back to work in research for Jin’s company, something you had loved studying for before your pregnancies.  

At this point, BigHit were focused on their new groups and Bang PD, who was now retired, told them to go their own way, they deserved to be fully in control, so that’s when Jin decided to let his company run the show. It was very much an all inclusive family.  

“Dad, we need to talk” Evie stated, walking over to Jimin and giving him a hug. “You’re not pregnant again are you? You can’t tell me this as I’m about to walk out on stage Ev’-” “Dad, no stop. I’m not pregnant and even if I was, this is your day. We’ll always be here you know Dad? You did everything for us. You gave up your passion so you could see your children grow up. I don’t think you know how much that means to us. You know who our friends are, you know who their parents are and how they focused on their careers instead of their children and look at their tarnished relationships. Not that I am saying ours would be like that if you did work more but what I am saying is your career meant nothing to you once you saw Benjamin, then me and Rose, then Samuel and Ellie. You both looked after us so well. We gave us everything we could dream of, and not the material things either. You really are the most amazing parents and people we all aspire to be. Dad, without you, I wouldn’t know how to be a good parent to Alexander and we’ve all had this discussion, there’s no way we would have been able to be this happy in our lives without you both. You comforted us during the happy and sad times, you were there to fight our battles and there to put us in our place when we were wrong. Ultimately you loved us no matter what. We hear love stories about the two of you all the time and that’s who we all aspire to be. I heard one time, Benjamin told Mum that he wanted to be just like Dad. Have you seen him with Rosie? She’s only 2 weeks old and I have never seen a man look at his daughter like he does. How do I know? Because that’s the way you looked at me. We’re always there for you Dad, whenever you need us. It’s your turn to put yourself first. Just like the time you were there for me on the other side of the door, when I wanted and needed you most, that’s where we will be. Waiting to comfort you, in our very own magic shop.” Evie confessed. And with that. There was not a dry eye in the house.

“Remember Dad, not all of this is a coincidence, everything has been predestined” Samuel sang, quoting Serendipity whilst rocking Benjamin’s baby Rosie.  

//

Up on stage, they did everything they needed to do and then some. “I toold you we wouldn’t leave you” Jimin beamed and cried out to the Jamsil Stadium packed of ARMYs. It was amazing to see the age difference. Older ARMYs and younger ones, most of which were probably children of the adult ARMYs but still seemed to know every word. It was their first night of a sold out tour, 3 of the nights being in Seoul, next stop being North America, followed by South America, Europe, Oceania and back to Asia.  

You saw all 7 of them up on stage and sobbed, everyone did. They truly were back and back for good.

You went on their tour with them and once you reached Europe, Jimin had a special treat for you. Something you had always wanted to do.

Once again, BTS sold out Wembley Stadium but they had a 2 week stop in England. Jimin told you to pack your bags because we were going somewhere special. A private plane and no announcements as to where you were going later, you arrived. You first told him about this place when you were dating and never mentioned it since. He remembered.  

“Are we in- N-?” you stammered, recognising the language from the writing on the airport building. Jimin smiled. “This is to say thank you” he stated, planting a lingering kiss on your lips.

Pulling up to the glass house in the snowy mountains, it took your breath away, literally and metaphorically. “Welcome to Norway” Jimin announced, “hopefully we get a glimpse of the Northern Lights tonight” he smiled. The Northern Lights was the only thing you ever wanted to visit on this Earth but unfortunately, when you had been to other countries to see it, the phenomenon never occurred. Jimin always knew you wanted to go to Norway, especially since he told you everything about his trip for Bon Voyage when he was on his first date with you. There was plans to visit once but you became pregnant with Samuel and then time seemed to go by too fast.  

Everything you ever envisioned for this trip, he made true. The house had a glass roof and glass walls, the only thing not glass was the floor and appliances. The wooden décor inside decorated with woody earth tones, opposite yet still complimenting the snowy landscape outside. Wrapped in many layers and between a blanket, you went outside and toasted marshmallows every night and giggled like kids trying to take the gooeyness from each other’s faces as the marshmallows splattered everywhere.  

Jimin recently took up learning guitar and it was beautiful to see him play and lul too, watching the snow come down, fire crackling, him wrapped in a mint green blanket. It was as if you were falling in love with him all over again. You loved but never in love with BTS’ Jimin. You were in love with your Jimin, your Park Jimin. The one who sang you to sleep every night. The one who would make you a loaded grilled cheese every Thursday night because he knew you started your diet on a Friday. The one who could get stroppy at the slightest little thing but knew you could fix with your optimistic outlook. The one who took a mental note of things you looked at with admiring eyes and bought you it for a surprise. The one who broke his arm when you were pregnant with Ellie but still did all the chores around the house. The one who complains there’s too much firewood on the fire and he’s too hot yet still wont leave from under the blanket you both shared because as long as he’s next to you, anything can be thrown at him. The one who sent you flowers when he was abroad and knew which ones to send you during different seasons because of your hayfever. The one who ran into a river once because you dropped your phone and it started flowing down stream. The one who knew everything about you and still loved you for it. The one who fell to the floor every time you announced you were pregnant, thanking his lucky stars for the miracles. The one who told you he loved you and you were beautiful, even if you looked in the mirror and thought you didn’t look good that day. The one who gave up his passion for his family. The one that was willing to risk it all for a foreign girl he had only known for 6 months and pregnant with his first child.

As all these memories were running through your mind, you looked up and saw what you knew was the start of the Northern lights. Without saying a word, you grabbed Jimin’s hand, pointed up and without saying a word, you bundled up your clothes all giddy and ran outside. There was an out house built for romantic moments like this, being able to snuggle together and look out into the horizon. You ran straight inside and did exactly that.

Jimin couldn’t stop staring. Not at the Northern lights, but at you. “Your happiness and mine has been planned” he stated, whispering into your head as your forehead lay on his chest looking out the marvelous multi-coloured display in front of you. The emotions inside of you were tremendous, especially when he started to sing Serendipity in your ear.  

This is all you could ever have hoped for. Your children are healthy and were raised well, all having their own families. You were in a position that you loved. Your grandchildren were your world. Your friends and family were amazing and here was Jimin, the love of your life since your early 20s, still by your side giggling and joking. “It’s been an amazing ride so far Y/N” he smiled, knowing you were emotional and finding his hand to your face, wiping away a tear. He knew you so well that he knew you tucked your thumb into your finger when you were about to cry. “And we still have eternity to go” you smiled back, lifting yourself up and kissing him passionately. “Y/N, you have an eternity with me like you said, focus on the outside” he giggled, breaking away from the kiss. You didn’t move. “Why look outside when the person in front of me gave me everything I ever wanted?” you questioned, both of your eyes welling up. This was it. It was you and him now, forever.

“I love you Y/N” “I love you, Park Jimin” “Forever” “And always”...

[writtenbyfai]

an analysis

seasons inch past...

and before you know it, you end up stuck in the same place, reminiscing what could have been. Or you may have picked up time’s tricks and adjusted to its pace, knowing you could not have changed anything. Or, perhaps, you have been harbouring resentment towards time because it had stolen something dear to you that it can never return, and your only chance at forgiving it is to let things go. The sand in the hourglass catches the sunlight for a moment. The leaves on the branches of trees burgeon, then yellows, cripples, and at last, they wither and fall to the ground. Always shedding. Always passing by, time, even before we realise it, we’ve already missed so much of it. There are many anime films that smote me about time’s properties. ‘The Girl who Leapt through Time’ gave one such notion that time waits for no one. This film is of a similar essence, yet where ‘The Girl who Leapt through Time’ is light-hearted despite the heavy subject of losing a friend and using time for granted, ‘5 Centimetres per Second’ sharpens into clarity the time-impeded hardships and their aches.

‘5 Centimetres per Second’  is a film that struck me through the heart. Compared to the rest of Makoto Shinkai’s works, such as ‘Your Name’, this film doesn’t try to be exciting and fun. It is a slow – and may I say, at first, tedious – drag through murky waters, exploring ugly truths and torturous period of growing up and learning to let go of something that doesn’t belong to you. It is a beautiful, heart-breaking, chest-squeezing masterpiece. This film by Makoto Shinkai, released in 2007, is about two friends – Akari and Takaki – who are driven apart by time and distance. They have to move due to their parents’ jobs. Although they never give up on contacting each other, through letters and, later, emails, time gnaws on the thread of their relationship, pushing them slowly and steadily apart.

In this essay, I will be dissecting some of the things that grabbed me from the start of this film; specifically the journeys of the protagonist, Takaki, and the two deuteragonists, Akari and Kanae. The film is segmented into three episodes, which is a lovely yet unusual way of delivering a fine story, despite it being merely an hour and three minutes long.

Disclaimer: I do not own this film or any of the gif sets. All rights and credits belong to the rightful owners. 

First, the film opens upon two close childhood friends -- Akari and Takaki -- who chose to ally, at the beginning, against bullies in their school. Their friendship begins with this small, trivial fact that Akari pulls out of the spring sky, “…they say it’s five centimetres per second. The speed of a falling cherry petal. Five centimetres per second.” Soon, they stumble into a small world of their own, and, unsurprisingly, feelings blossom. But fate has other plans for them.

Akari doesn’t go to her dream high school with Takaki, as her parents move away from her childhood town. They still keep in contact, no matter how heartbroken they are. Along the way, Takaki’s parents must also move away, but the place they are going to doesn’t close the distance rifting them. It furthers it. Before the week Takaki has to move, he decides he will travel the distance to see Akari one last time, fearing he won’t be able to, later in time. But the journey there is difficult. Frost clenches the rails. Snow arrests the landscape in a cold, merciless way. The wind buries ice into his bones. Due to the weather, the train encounters a delay. The station they pull up at seems as if it’s in the middle of nowhere. Just snow, stretching on for miles. Just the empty, black sky yawning  an unending abyss, so deep for a second you think you might fall into it and never land. Takaki purchases a drink from a vending machine, but when he gropes for coins in his trousers’ pocket, a letter shifts up, the wind picks up and snatches it away. His face crumples into helplessness, as all his emotions written on that letter flies into the winter night. Lost. And you can feel the lostness digging into your chest.

This is where I stopped watching the first time I’d played it. The film drags on upon the cold, dark atmosphere that it builds throughout this scene, accompanied by Takaki’s sorrowful monologue, as if all the weight of the world is caged in his chest. I suddenly felt frigid, like my veins were encased in ice, and the weight of depressing thoughts took hold of me. It’s beautiful, I think, to be able to capture the viewer in such heart-wrenching feelings, but at that moment, I couldn’t bear it. In ‘Your Name’ and ‘Garden of Words’, the characters had fiery, rebellious or humorous personalities; it wasn’t hard to get immersed in the films. However, in ‘5 Centimetres per Second’, neither of the protagonists nor the deuteragonists had this type of attitude; they were hard, struggling people, and their realness was all too much for me. So, I cut off there. It was a long time until my sister convinced me to watch it again, beginning with the seemingly endless train ride. The second time, I understood his feelings. I saw everything from a slightly different perspective, treating the story distantly, so that the more depressing of my emotions wouldn’t get entangled in it.

The weather is still ruthless. The train is still and silent just like the rest of the world. Blowing hot breaths on his cupped hands to keep warm, Takaki whispers in his mind, pleading Akari not to wait for him. It strangles me how much they obviously care for each other, yet the universe is so intent on setting them apart. Takaki, at last, arrives at the station where he’s supposed to meet Akari. Midnight. There, sitting on the benches of the waiting area, is Akari. They only have a few hours left before dawn. But they ignore time, for now, and talk. They eat the cooled dinner Akari had prepared for his arrival. Then, when the station’s about to close, they walk down a snowy, desolate path. Stop under a frosted cherry tree. And they kiss. They never get the chance to express their feelings.

The morning comes to separate them, and sweetly, as you’d expect, they promise to each other they’ll never forget and will always keep writing to one another. This promise carries on, despite the day after that Takaki moves to a town near the sea.

The episode closes, to start a new chapter of their lives.

Surprisingly, we do not find Akari in the second episode of the film. She is absent on the screen, except for her name that Takaki writes and thinks of. His high school life is uneventful. He makes friends easily, achieves great grades, and aspires to go to university in Tokyo, one day. But the wish, the hope, that he might see Akari again and talk to her, urges him to keep looking forward. It seems to be the only thing that makes him want to walk, and be a good person, because apart from that, he is an empty shell who is tugged and swallowed by the same tide, stuck in a motion that never seems to let him go. He is also that tide. His attachment to Akari and his inability to let her go, traps him in the same place.

Meanwhile, a girl from his class, named Kanae, harbours an inexplicable crush on him. We’re introduced to her as a girl who has a passion for surfing, yet spends the afternoon until late in the evening, just to catch Takaki about to go home on his scooter, so that they could drive home together. At first, I thought it was kind of pitiful and pathetic, her loving someone whom she doesn’t really know and who doesn't share the feelings she’s folded so neatly inside her heart.  But, thankfully, Shinkai knew not to drawl Kanae’s character out as a clingy person, ensnared in fantasies. He shows that Kanae has other interests -- has a life -- other than her obsession of Takaki. Her life is complicated, and just as you would expect a normal high school teenager. When it comes to plans for her future, she is clueless, yet doesn’t bother trying to figure it out. Leaving her paper blank, it incites a small conflict between her, her counsellor, and her older sister who’s been taking care of her for an unspecified but long time. She struggles to find who she is.

One evening, after finding that Takaki had gone home early, and she’s driving home on her scooter, she spots his parked on the side of the road, where the land slopes upwards into a grassy hill. She sees him staring hard at his phone, fingers often typing something down, but every minute or so, they also press the delete button a couple of times. The blue light overlays his face, revealing the disturbing toll his distance with Akari over time. He’s conflicted. His jaw clenches and he snaps his flip phone shut; the darkness swallows his features. The unfocused look in his eyes tells Kanae she may be interrupting in a wrong moment, however, awareness sweeps across his gaze and he shifts it towards Kanae. This brief interaction summarises their relationship; Takaki looking forward to a future that is not waiting for him, staring past Kanae, who suppresses her feelings that she knows will never be requited.

Just when a few days later, Kanae produces courage from the depths of herself and she conquers the waves which had swept her constantly, before. She worries she won’t find this thrill, this rush of bravery anymore after that day, so she decides to relieve the weight of her feelings from her chest. But seeing Takaki more distant, withdrawing deeper into a husk of who he used to be, Kanae decides against it.

For many years, it stays that way.

The most impeding mark this film makes is in the third episode, where Takaki has made it to work in a computing company as an unseen employee, but the missingness Akari has left him years ago had carved his soul out. The sceneries are browner, duller, and we see the tiny flat in which he lives in being cluttered. Messed up. And we glimpse his mentality in those flashing moments of disarray as the animated shots show cans of beer and piles of dirty dishes in the sink and discarded wrappers of junk food. It strikes me how, in the second episode, in spite of Takaki’s distractedness, he was a really decent, kind person. His bedroom, then, was tidy, bed made, and I had a feeling that perhaps such was his way of coping; repetitive cleaning, busying oneself with any distractions that kept him from reaching for his phone. But in this third episode, he is exactly the opposite. We are shown how ruined he is inside-out. After all this time, it passing, he has not moved on one single step forward alongside time. He is still trapped in the pain of his attachment to Akari. His narrative constantly laments over the missing piece in his life, a cavern threatening to swallow him in the dark, and sometimes associates that interstice with Akari’s absence and their unsaid feelings for each other.

One morning, Kanae leaves a voice message. They haven’t seen each other since Takaki left for university in Tokyo, according to her narrative. She says she would like to meet him again someday to get some things off her chest. Takaki kills the message, and then the scene switches to Kanae’s life. Although she is an ordinary office worker behind a cubicle desk, she appears to be pleased with how far she’s come from not knowing what she wanted for her future to being there, living her future. Even as she said in the voice message that she wanted to confess her affections for Takaki, it doesn’t seem as if she still possesses the same feelings at the present. She’s moved on, because she has learnt not to dwell on emotions unreturned or it may poison you as you squander it inside. Her simple happiness and Takaki’s gnawing depression underline the change of these two characters in the course of the last few years of their lives; Kanae used to be uncertain about her life, timid and groping blindly in the dark, most of all unable to move on from her unrequited affections for Takaki, but when we look at her state in the last episode of the film, she has become this fiercely-determined, neat person, content with her life despite all hardships – the complete opposite of Takaki, who in his teenage stage of life had worked hard to succeed and be able to enrol at the university closest to Akari’s whereabouts, now is a walking ghost, void of any spark of will, and he drowns his daily sorrows in alcohol.

The scene shifts, then, to Akari. Even though we haven’t seen her in the majority of the film, she is a crucial character to the movement of the plot and the development of the protagonist. She’s all grown-up, now, just like the others, and we find the glint of an engagement ring on her finger as she bids her parents farewell at the station, about to depart for Tokyo to meet her fiancé and plan the wedding there. The camera pans briefly to a young woman and man embracing each other under the sunlight, in the middle of a bustling station. Fleetingly, we know she is also happy and has moved on.

The several minutes following that, seasons shed their previous skins to start anew. We stop at spring the next year, a sort of reminiscent flashback of little Akari and Takaki chasing each other down a quiet street on their way to school, and that innocuous fact about cherry blossom petals falling as fast as five centimetres per second. The camera keeps switching back and forth between the three lives of the characters, catching glimpses of their daily lives. In a quieter part of the city, where train tracks crisscross and the light spring sun sprays every surface of leaf, petal and gravel, a woman and a man walk across the tracks, going in opposite directions. The woman hesitates upon passing the man, yet she doesn’t stop, her bright umbrella twirling over her dark head. But the man – he jerks for a second. The bells ring, warning pedestrian of the train that is about to pass. Uncertainty grips his arms and feet and head in place, and by the time it doesn’t, he’s brave enough to look back – by the time the woman halts in her step to glance over her shoulder – the train whizzes by.

What is mesmerizing about this last moment before the screen goes black is the beautiful animation. Words are not said – and have hardly been uttered throughout the duration of the film – in this specific scene, but the body language, the expressions depicted on these characters and the figurative image of a train cutting the paths of people who’d once crossed and couldn’t untangle from one another, speak with more depth than any words can. The man’s shoulders relax. He smiles. He doesn’t wait for the train to fade from his sight, so that he could see the woman he has been in love with for the majority of his life. He turns around and walks away; that simple movement signifies he is letting go, moving on, at last.

Furthermore, this beautifully-executed film is a reminder that there are many things in life that will slip through your fingers, no matter how hard you try to clench it within your grasp. It tells a realistic story about letting go and learning to walk in time again, not against time.