#and real shit i'm going actually insane
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would it be weird if i just started saying shit on here or
#i still have ptsd of making cringeposts in 2013#but also fb is actually hurting me like real talk#but it's also the only place i feel comfortable just posting shit cause there's a good chance it'll get some sort of recognition#vs just yelling into the void much to the annoyance of all#i suppose that's why ppl have talking tags#oh also i do. this. where i put my actual thoughts in the tags for some reason#(the reason is i'm a socially inept coward)#like ik my thoughts are super incoherent and i don't wanna make people uncomfortable with out. off. i am#with how*#but i really have no one else to talk to or anywhere else to speak my mind anymore (i'm in a really shitty situation yet again)#and real shit i'm going actually insane#and i just wanna say silly little things sometimes so like. idk like this post if u wanna tolerate my jokerified presence or something idfg
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As promised, incredibly stupid s4-5 drawings
#i didn't sign the one I actually colored but it's fucking fine I guess I'll redraw it later anyways#I am never satisfied when I color my shit in fr#martin blackwood you are the realest of the fucking real for asking your man to eldritch-equivelent block someone cuz youre jealous#hate him all you want he's out here speaking the truth#he wants that twink obliterated because he's jealous and he is not ashamed to admit it!#i have so many thoughts and feelings about s5 so far that I must commit to paper hruyggnm#one of which being that Jon is wearing martins flannel in the fucking eminem pose I drew him in#it's the little things I say as I go ever so slightly more insane#my art#the magnus archives#tma season four#tma season 5#tma#tma spoilers#tma fanart#tma podcast#the magnus pod#martin blackwood#jonathan sims the archivist#jonathan sims#jon sims#god i hope those tags arent for the real ass dude#jonny why did you name the poor meow meow after youself man why#jonmartin#good god what is their ship name#jmart#tma jmart#jmart fanart#“ceaseless watcher. show me this guy's balls”#please do not do that I'm quoting a meme
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i can't say i really care if someone dislikes a certain character from a game like it doesn't irk me too much bc... they're not real BUT i will say that people who just pay attention to what chloe puts out n not why she does what she does and refuse to try and understand her irk me juuuuuust a tiny bit
#a lotta bit#bc what#like chloe may not be real (so unfortunately 💔) but what she's feeling is#as in like it actually happens#people actually go through her mindset and it's not fun#maybe i'm biased bc i can relate to her and some of her ways of thinking#not the illegal ones but#it's just really fucking annoying to be completely honest#she's not a great person but the LEAST you could do is try and understand her character#bc it's insane to me that people can see what chloe went through and be confused as to why she's not the most sane person ever#like would YOU be ????#i wouldn't#but i mean that's just me#people seem to forget that chloe was literally only 14 when everything went to shit#like that is so young#but no just call her a villain and call it a day#maybe i do care about who people dislike#only if it's chloe though#just kidding#kinda#life is strange#chloe price#lis#life is strange before the storm
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my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy
#j.txt#2024 elections#cannot imagine how american palestinians are feeling#it's genuinely... like i felt honest to god insane watching the boots on the ground journalists over there every day for like 4 months#and then going to work 5 days a week like any of this fucking matters#like nothing about this election can compare in my psyche to that like i'm not even trying to compare them but my brain like#changed shapes this year. and its shape now does not include a sense of urgency about fucking dollhouse barbie american politics after#experiencing all that. last year early this year#i still think about gaza every day but i'm privileged enough to have burned out obsessively getting updated every day#the ocean we swim in said this is normal now. israel committing genocide w our dollars is normal now#it's the same shit with the pandemic and i don't buy into it but the dissonance of the entire world around me spinning on that axis#while mine spins on a completely different one where thousands of people we could have saved are dead now#like sorry that is genuinely insane. i feel like my mind will actually break if i think about it for too long#it's a worldwide gaslight and it's Unfathomable that these political issues in my world#where thousands are dead. is not on my mom's political radar whatsoever like she's thinking about jesus and the housing market#like those thousands upon thousands of lives were never even REAL#i feel like i'm going crazy man it's so fucking ridiculous how am i supposed to take politics seriously with that split#like i know how and i still do but. can anyone here me it's just#it's genuinely a gaslight to think about it too long like i will feel like my reality is splintering
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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Time for one of my favorite TV traditions, "watch the new episodes of Selling Sunset and argue with the screen like the people can hear me."
#selling sunset#season 8#selling sunset season 8#team chrishell#seriously Chrishell has had to deal with so much nonsense since coming out#people complain that she's too dramatic or messy since season 6 (when she came out)#but to me it always seemed like a combo of her partner teaching her about work-life boundaries#and suddenly having to deal with masses of homophobes after being outed VERY publicly#(including Nicole in that “masses of homophobes” statement)#because seriously if Nicole wants to drop the whole “thank you” homophobic comment debacle she should apologize for BEING HOMOPHOBIC#she's acting like Chrishell is the problem for just not letting it go when she hasn't done shit besides say it was a mistake#why is it a mistake#Say the words “I'm sorry I was homophobic it won't happen again”#And honestly I would be WAY more mad at Amanza for the designer situation#Chrishell was being very charitable#Also Chelsea is also going through it this season#What is Mary's deal?#Like they all dress in approximately two square inches of fabric per scene (sorry---*event*)#but randomly now you have a problem?#Mary has always had zero conflict skills but hiding behind her husband was a Choice#it's giving racism to me#but yeah team Chrishell forever#Nicole drives me batshit insane#and I'm team Chelsea too this season (though I didn't like how in s6 she was so judgmental to Bre with no provocation)#The show seems to be trying to do a “the professionals” vs the “party girls” angle with Nicole + Mary vs. Chelsea + Emma + Chrishell#which I find kind of gross because it's shaming the big 3 for doing what the show is about with no reason behind it#they're on the “have fun and flirt with each other while wearing revealing clothes and maybe do some real estate on the side” show#so really THEY are the professionals because they're the ones who actually understand their jobs
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*Guy that has two (2) D&D related interests only voice* Haha Dungeon Meshi x Baldur's Gate 3 crossover when?
#bg3#dunmeshi#putting the rest of the post in the tags bc I'm crazy insane#Chilchuck and Astarion would not even be able to bond over being the lockpick guys#cause Astarion would take one look at him and immediately start making height jokes#and Chil would hear Astarion's goofy flirting (bad for team cohesion) and immediately evaporate away from the situation#Gale and Marcille on the other hand. bonding over Wanting to be God basically. real#actually Gale is basically Laios if he was Marcille's class which is hilar to me. he eats magic items tho and Marcile is horrified#Shadowheart I'm so sorry I have not learnt much about your backstory so idk what you would do but I think she'd also like Marcille#Gale and Senshi...... cooking friends#Astarion would basically be Kabru to Laios tho Laios'd say some shit and Astarion would just 'Haha yes what fun (I'm going to knife you)'#hates him for his autism or something#Senshi finds out Astarion is a vampire and starts researching blood dishes so he can be included in the meals with everyone ueh ueeh 😭#halfway mark i made myself sad I'll take a break from this post
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leave her alone / leave her alone / leave her alone / please, because / my mom needs you gone / my mom needs you gone / as long as she is haunted / she'll never get strong / my mom needs you gone (my mom, kimya dawson)
#the power of the dog#my god. this film was Something#Vaguely started reading the book I need this to kill me.#Love peter so much he's so real#gore#blood#animal death#dead animal#dissected animal#implied animal death#bible verse#implied murder#Don't know if I need that last one WHATEVS!!!!#Anyway idk if there actually is a fandom or an audience who wants this but he's been in my head all damn day.#Peter gordon you were real as FUCK for that !!!#Ohhh he'll kill for his family blood for blood... He tries not to hurt but when he does ... he makes that hurt live forever and ever in him#my friend made me a country playlist after we watched this film together It got me through this Shoutout to plannette drawz#This film was so stressful but the images and pictures are Insane dude ... This is going to change me.#Okay I'm just saying shit now .#drawing#digital art#digital illustration#artwork#artists on tumblr#sensitive#tw gore#tw death#tw animal death#tw animal harm#tw implied murder
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vanessa is a terrible, terrible partner. i can't believe the shit she says about xander behind her back, i'd feel so humiliated and hurt I HATE HER
#the gaslighting level is insane with her#i'm so happy lexi called her out#i hate games i hate drama i hate this shit in an actual real life relationship why would you want that at all??????????#ultimatum queer love#she is literally a full blown narcissist the fact she could not see how fucked up what she told lexi was#so you can go out with lexi AND her ex but xander can go out with yoly? FUCK YOOOU
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OC DUALITY + TRAGEDY ROLE
i was tagged by @risingsh0t @morvaris @devilbrakers to take this quiz and by @indorilnerevarine and @girlbosselrond to take this other quiz for my ocs. thank you all soso much!!!
i'm super late to this and i'm sure these already made rounds so i'm tagging whoever wants to do this <3
— oc duality:
god-hungry scientist and their abominable child
you stitched something together inside of yourself and gave it life with light from the sky and now it won't die it and you can't kill it because part of you loves it and you're not quite right in the head or the person you used to be but at the end of the day it's simply a beast of sadness. you crave the mercy you didn't get from your creators and so i'm telling you please forgive yourself. please hold the monster by the hand.
bandmates with firecracker sexual chemistry
you are like shooting stars. you are misguided and magnetic and drawn to your loves without hesitation. something about you gulps down anything it finds. and you're fun, and you stick your tongue out to anyone, and we love you for it with kisses and pulls of the hair. you will be remembered in fascination and jealousy. you are unforgettable.
— tragedy role:
misunderstood villain
prepare for an onslaught of both the most dehumanizing and hateful takes, and flood of thirst comments. you are chronically misunderstood. whether or not you're actually evil is debatable. you may be acting out for revenge, to defend someone you love, or even just to protect yourself. you're a pretty jaded person. you don't trust or even really like most people. maybe you did at one point. but that part of you is gone, and you don't go a single day without grieving it. you think a lot about what your life could have been. you're stuck in the past. you're angry and maybe you don't even want to be, but this is the only way you can see to survive. you're open, but less in a trusting way and more like a wound. you don't like to let people see you, but the hurt spills out of you before you can stop it. you're impulsive, even as you try hard to plan and prepare. maybe someday your side of the story will finally be heard. until then, you can convince yourself that being hated is safer anyway.
tortured love interest
you're so hot. sorry about the horrors. you're the kind of person people immediately notice. whether you have a distinct style, are more outgoing, or are just plain beautiful, you make an impression. people usually feel the need to protect you, which probably frustrates you to no end. you're not weak! you're not fragile! you're not helpless! but the people in your life tend to disagree. maybe it's your lover, the protagonist, trying to keep you out of their own turmoil. maybe it's someone responsible for you in some way, keeping you away from your lover, while they head down an increasingly dark path. regardless, all you really want is a sense of autonomy! unfortunately, you're very likely to die before that happens. the audience will be so caught up in the grief your death causes the protagonist that they forget to grieve you as a person. you deserved better, but unfortunately this is not your story. maybe it should have been.
#tag games#oc: vesper#oc: fenix#oc: violante#oc: ruven#going off about the results in the tags now sorry <3#vesper's making me insane like. 'you stitched something together inside of yourself' // 'and now it won't die and you can't kill it because#part of you loves it' much johnny vibes here haha xoxo killing myself u know. the concept itself of sharing so much with him bc they are#forced together that when he's gone it's like a part of her is gone too. i'm fine <3 now it won't die and you can't kill it BC IT'S FOREVER#A PART OF YOU!!! DYING. fenix's one made me :') just my boy being loved for once in his life love that for u king#the tragedy role ones are so funny bc it's literally all SO TRUEEEE#every single word for violante is so real. she's evil okay we must admit that. she does fucked up shit but bc there's so much fucked#up shit behind her which yea. i'm excusing her actions i'm promoting them even#ruven's is literally soooooo funny. diagnosed with love interest of the main protagonist (violante) JFHFDSKJFNSDKJ SO REAL#even if they aren't actually lovers but toxic bitches still that 'you want a sense of autonomy' (=desire for power. trying to kill vio for#it) 'you're very likely to die before that happens' (=vio killing him before he can kill her). okay king we are all crying for u sorry#that happened but let's be honest here he deserved it. he's terrible. violante was terrible. they had each other for a while at least <3
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saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!
#when i tell you i think there are things stemming from that experience! my parents were actually so wrong for making me go...#my mom CRIED bc i kept insisting that i didn't want to do it bc i a) was never That into music especially not CHAMBER music#b) knew that i would not know anyone and would be stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who were already friends from previous years#c) was only even given an audition bc my teacher knew the staff and their other oboist wasn't able to go that year and they needed one#d) WAS THIRTEEN AND WANTED TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH MY FRIENDS#i do actually think it caused me real psychic damage attending that like the fact that Everyone was already friends with everyone else...#i came with no friends and i left with no friends! and when i tried to talk to the other girls in my cabin i could tell they were like...#why are you trying to be in our friend group. there was a girl who was nice to me but i was not her friend very clearly#also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that#i knew i would be which is why i was like yeah this is Not for me#i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity...#my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice#or they wish they could have done it like ??? okay why does that have anything to do with me#my dad keeps being like well *I* want you to go to grad school in mtl bc i like mtl and i want to visit 😁#like haha you're not funny actually 😁 first of all not a single damn thing is stopping you from going you can drive there whenever you want#secondly one of us does NOT want to be in mtl again 😁 and that one of us actually lived there before#also the way my parents constantly visiting me pissed me off to no fucking end... I'M NOT THE PROBLEM CHILD#worried that i just stay in my room like ???? okay??? but if i went out you'd flip bc what if it's unsafe. i LIKE staying home#and i HATED mtl so no way in hell was i going to go do shit especially not at night in the WINTER are you insane#like yeah i was super depressed. that was unrelated to me staying in my room like my room was my Space#anyway all this to say i'm setting the fuck boundary this time around like i actually dgaf i'm an adult and again#not your problem child so if you could stop projecting that onto me just bc HE fucked up when he was in school....#parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i 🫶🏻 it#i do also hold it against the boy child and my dad for this 'you can only go to schools within a 6 hour drive'#which is only a rule my sisters and i had and maybe if the boy child wasn't a fuck up i couldve not had it but you know#he ruined any chance of that but my dad when i was applying for college was like oh it can be anywhere :) and then was like lol no#and then was like well for grad school you can go anywhere and then when it was brought up last time went lol no :)#so i'm going to have to bring lol yes :) energy cuz...
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When Character A touches Character B's face in any way shape or form>>>>
#yall have no idea how down bad I am for that shit#Like literally any way- punch them flick their forehead- yeah that's the shit#But if it's GENTLE#Oh my fucking god#Pausing#Processing#Flipping my shit#Screaming#Squealljng#Kicking my feet#punching the floor#Crying#The whole shebang#and I don't mean these as a phrase#I am literally physically actually doing all these actions#This is based on real experience watching shows and reading fics#Pause it drop whatever I'm doing and go insane for a little bit#Yall I'm so lonely
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I do think it's kind of like endearing and funny that I've spouted so much bullshit about how bm is some kind of socialism metaphor that I'm getting multiple friends recommending me different pieces of media based solely on its political commentary
#just thinking thoughts...#like ani saying I ought to watch arkane (to see how they completely bungled that shit in s2)#or fish saying I should watch logue horizon. bc of the politics and economics in s2#or vege guy saying i ought to read vinlin saga#I am sure it is not just my nonsense abt bm. I'm actually quite positive it's also my incoherent mumblings abt de as well.#but yeah. guy who is suddenly drowning in media recs because he's made it really clear what he likes#I do think I would enjoy vinlin saga. I get the feeling while i wouldn't go insane abt logue horizon I would love picking it apart#arkane I watched half an episode of and like. man. I'll be real with you. even if they completely bungle that shit the production quality#I cannot imagine that going anywhere. I can just watch it for shot composition and color grading and audio mixing you know#even if they fuck up the politics of it. LOL#I feel like it's going 2 make me mad though. just what ani has said of it already...
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wow. i am not made to work with kids <3
#damien.txt#GET ME OUUUUUTTTT AHHHHHHHHHH#started the part of my internship in which i am actually working with kids now....... oh god oh god i can't do this#i have to do this for 4 more weeks but also oh my god i can't do this for real#this whole thing is a disaster lowkey! and by lowkey i mean highkey#for more reasons than simply me being pretty sure i don't have the disposition to be working with kids#sigh. four weeks. i have to do this for four more weeks. anyone can survive doing almost anything for four weeks (<- is going to go insane)#this is not abt hating kids btw or whatever other weird shit ppl say#like i don't Hate Kids i'm just really not meant to be an authority figure/educator over them.#and it's going to make me have a breakdownnnnnnn
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Crying while reading the romance novel at 4am
#I think... i am working through more than I realize#I loved this book so much I bought 5 other romance novels#i hadn't read romance before this#i haven't really read since high school#and the last book i read was over 2 years ago#and it's been a minute since i cried Like That#like i've had small moments of tears but not like actually crying#I have been experiencing a lot of emotions lately but like#these characters#these lovers#I have thought about them all day#and what it would feel like to love and be loved by a man like him#could imagine trying to tell yourself that you're not in love with this man who's driven you wild for months#that you hope that there is another timeline where they're both not so broken that they can love each other#and he says we don't need another timeline to be able to do that#AAAAAAHHHHH I AM GOING INSANE#and i think that's the crux of it#i feel too broken battered beaten and complicated for someone to love#and I need someone to prove to me that I'm not#logically I know it's not true but#I want real actual proof#and like I mean romantic love like real romance#but it won't happen until i figure out how to find a man and actually go on dates and shit#and even then I'd still have to find like The One#and... i think im finally ready to admit it... I want a man
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'Chris likes girls who don't like him back'
Late night streaming with your best friends turns to a conversation about the boys' type, and Chris gets called out
vibe check: flirty fluffy fun, 3/4 of my favourite f words
1.4k words
A/N: i had this idea literally straight away after what Matt said about Chris' type.........the idea of being Chris' best friend that he openly fancies but you're 'not interested' makes MY TOES CURL BRO LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING anyway I hope you love this. PART TWO IS INCOMING…
love and cigs, merc
"Matt he's right there what the fuck are you doing?!" you scream down the mic, nearly throwing your controller across the room as you jolt back in your chair.
You watch as Matt gets sniped in the head from the back, laughing as he wails on this desk, making the whole stream glitch and nearly crash. Chris is laughing along with you, trying not to make it obvious that he's watching you, and not Matt.
"Matt, bro you need to fuckin' up your game, y/n/n is actually carrying us right now." Chris says as Matt picks his chair up off the floor and sits back down in a huff.
"I always carry when I come on with you boys" you smirk, looking at the tiny square of Chris on your screen.
"yeah because you're a little sweat" Matt chuckles.
The boys had been streaming everyday for over a week now and, after some convincing, they managed to get you to join in on one of their games. At first you were apprehensive, obviously, but they explained that they were trying to diversify their platform and find a more mature audience so, actually interacting with girls on the internet was their first step.
You and the boys had been friends for forever, you met them through Nick in elementary school and had basically all been inseparable ever since, you'd been in some earlier videos but the fans back then made it very difficult to just exist around them so, you took it upon yourself to only exist in their real life, not their online one.
Cut to right now, you're nearly two hours deep in fortnite trios with the boys on stream, everyone was super excited to see you when they announced that they'd be joining and, other than a couple comments that you all ignored, it was going really well.
"Matt, someone asked what our types are" Chris laughed, reading the chat.
"I'm not answering that" Matt dead panned, screwing his face up at the camera
"I can answer it for you both, for sure" you chuckle, "chat do you want me to answer it?"
"yes, yes, yes, yes, omg yes" Chris was reeling off the answers in chat, "everyone wants y/n/n to answer, Matt should we let her?" Chris asked.
Matt rolled his eyes with a smile, "g'head, y/n/n, expose us" He chuckled.
"okay, so" you said, in your best girly gossip voice, "Matt likes nerdy, reader, soft girls" you begin to explain, your train of thought is interrupted by Chris erupting into laughter.
"dude she's so right! you love a girl that looks like she's always buried in a book" Chris wails.
"what are you guys even saying?" Matt complains, the smile etched across his face giving his tone a lot less power.
"you definitely want a girl who will go on a hike with you or some shit, Matt" You say, enjoying this whole interaction a bit too much.
Chris was keeled over in laughter, loving finally being able to talk about this kind of stuff on the internet without everyone going insane.
"I dunno why you're laughing so much, Chris, you're next" Matt states, Chris shrugs in reply.
"i don't give a fuck, call me out y/n/n, gimme the best you got" Chris sits back in his chair, arms folded over his chest.
"hmmmm" you say, exaggerating your thinking, "what is the famous Christopher Sturniolos type" you rub your chin, pretending to be thinking deeply.
A knowing smirk is spread wide across Chris' face as he stares at your face on his screen, tongue prodding the side of his cheek.
"I know Chris' type" Matt adds, a menacing smile on his face.
"g'head matt, you take this one" you gesture to the boy on your screen.
"Chris likes girls who don't like him back" Matts brows raise in accusation towards Chris.
You try and hide the smile forming on your face, attempting to look as focused on the game as possible as your tongue prods at your teeth. Neither of the boys say anything, both of them cheesing, Matt in a teasing and knowing kind of way and Chris more so in a 'I cant say what I wanna say' kind of way.
"damn, Matt, you just called me the fuck out" Chris shakes his head, looking to the tiny version of you on his screen.
You're still quiet, trying to fight the smile on your face and look as focused as possible, you catch Chris looking as if he's looking at you on his screen and shake your head with a chuckle.
"what you grinnin' at, kid?" Chris smirks.
You raise your brows, shaking your head with a downwards smile, "no, nothin', nothin" you say, returning your focus back to the game.
All of the viewers watched the interaction and were blowing up the chat with comments about how Chris definitely likes you, saying things like 'did you guys see that?!', and 'think they're slick look at how they're both smiling!!!!!'. Chris was reading the comments and trying to hide the red blush crawling its way onto his cheeks, Matt was relishing in the fact that Chris was so obviously nervous, and you were just trying not to react.
"Chris, dude, you better wipe that smile off your face, chat's onto you" Matt pokes the bear.
"chat ain't onto shit, Matt, shut the fuck up" Chris says, trying to be serious but unable to push his smile down.
"you know i'm right though, you do like girls who don't want you" Matt pushed on with his joke.
"Matt, shut your fuckin' mouth, dude" Chris rolled his eyes and shook his head, his smile still prevalent.
You couldn't help but laugh, still pretending to not care about the situation unfolding. In hindsight, it probably made it all the more obvious that you knew exactly what Matt was referring to.
"you're awful quiet, y/n/n, you got nothing to say on Chris' type?" Matt extends his joke over to you and your attention is immediately on him.
"nah, you hit the nail on the head, I think" you shrug, stretching back in your chair and adjusting your headset.
"oh really?" Chris replies, brows raised in accusation.
"mhm" you nod, faux innocently.
Chris kisses his teeth, nodding and trying to hide the smile on his face once again.
"yeah, chat, Matts right, I like pretty girls, who don't like me back" Chris says, subtly turning his attention to you and then back to chat.
You roll your eyes with a smile, leaning forward once more to lock into the game.
"you're ridiculous, Chris" Matt chuckles into the mic, watching you shift in your seat, trying not to blush.
The rest of the game went off without a hitch, you guys went on to win multiple times and all the viewers eventually stopped trying to get the conversation back to Chris' obvious crush on you. You played until the early hours of the morning, joking and laughing with the boys' just like old times and relishing in the fact that you were finally able to be a part of their online presence again. When it hit around three a.m you told them you had to sign off, explaining that you had to be up early for college that morning.
"guys, I gotta go, but I'll text you when I wake up" you said, pulling off your headset, and brushing your hair back with your hand.
"alright, y/n/n, thanks for helping us bury kids, its always a treat" Matt grinned at you, shooting you his token boyish smile.
"you know I live to humble kids on fort, Matt" You shrugged, putting on your best boyish persona, earning a laugh from Matt
"okay seriously, I gotta go, bye chat!" you smile, "bye boys" you go to switch off your computer but you're stopped by Chris booming voice.
"bye, beautiful" he says, a cheesy grin on his face.
your eyes roll to the back of your head as an uncontrollable smile finds your lips, "bye, Chris" you reply, switching off your computer.
The whole chat erupts with people losing their minds over Chris calling you beautiful, the boys say nothing, Matt just shakes his head, laughing at the chat as he watches Chris, grinning with pride and completely unashamed of his very obvious crush on you.
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