#and poor revan and poor carth

[dairine-bonnet]

Amnesiac Revan: The game must be dangerous, otherwise why play it?

Carth: Well... I do believe there is something seriously wrong with you!

Bastila *whispering quietly*: If only you knew...

[commander-krios]

It Blursday!! 🖤💜

WE’RE TAKING THE SQUADDIES TO EISENGARD!

You don’t have to fill all the roles, and they don’t all have to be from the same WIP, but who’s:

the Ring-bearer, entrusted with carrying the One Ring (bonus: funniest instance they use it to nope right out of reality)

the “Sam”, armed with a frying pan and a wizard of potatoes

Sean Bean, who dies in every movie — falls victim to their own hubris

totally crushing on Arwen and has a really cool sword

AND MY AXE

AND MY GLOCK BOW

Merry and Pippin the “package deal”, very concerned about missing second breakfast

the dude with a sick staff and a concerning amount of explosives, may or may not be an actual wizard

— @outpost51

I honestly had no idea what to do with this for days but now I decided to use it for my KOTOR playthrough/fic. Sooo here we go!

Ring-bearer: Bastila Shan. Poor Bastila, getting shouldered with this shit and having to deal with all of these people who are definitely going to get her in trouble. She just wants to save the galaxy, ok.

The "Sam": Carth Onasi. He's trying his best and wants to finish this mission, willing to go through anything to make sure that happens.

The Sean Bean: Malak, because it's true.

Totally crushing on Arwen and has a really cool sword: Revan. Not only if she crushing on Arwen, but also like everyone else around her because why not. Too many pretty people in the galaxy.

MY AXE: Juhani. Because he has a really awesome laser sword and she's good with it.

MY BOW: Canderous Ordo. Having him opposite Juhani is mostly for my entertainment, but I want to see them have a relationship where they compete on who can take out the most people and damn, would their bickering be so worth it.

Merry and Pippin: Mission and Zaalbar, mostly because they are already a package deal in the game BUT Zaalbar also just eats everything already so it's perfect.

The dude with a sick staff and a concerning amount of explosives, may or may not be an actual wizard: I'm going with Jolee Bindo on this one because not only with this old man kick your ass, he'll do it in the funniest way possible while insulting you.

[thatwitchrevan]

enbyrevan said:

She did. Ari sensed her panic, asked her what was wrong and didn’t question when she lied. (She thought about the lying a lot and panicked at poor Carth.) Carth definitely did and was just really confused.

lol

I feel bad for all three of them in this situation. Especially Bastila trying to keep this ginormous secret. 

It’s also lowkey hilarious, tho.

[darthsassacre]

Chapter Three:

Carth Onasi works to save the one crewmember he can at the moment, and ponders on the choices that led him to this moment as he waits for her to wake up.

[elionwriter]

Everybody be talking shit about my poor boy Carth Onasi, for his "I don't want to talk about it" but when you put it in perspective, is he wrong though?

Like, this lady/dude asks him some personal questions and he answers "yeah, sorry, nothing personal but I'm not going to unload my whole tragic backstory on someone I've known for 24 h, most of which you were unconscious in." and Revan, instead of taking a hint, just keeps going for the whole game "tell me, tell me, tell me you hairless wookie!!!".

Also, can you blame him for not trusting Revan?! "Why were you on my ship again?! Like, a smuggler is put last minute on board of a high priority vessel without a proper reason?! The Jedi that just so happened to be on said ship has an instant deep bond with you, whom she swears she has never seen before in her life?! I'm not a Jedi but...?!?! Again, the Jedi council just decided to train a random adult when they notoriously only take in children?! They send you off to defeat MALAK, THY MALAK, big, bad boss of the game after a week of training?!?! You're SUS af! I'm sorry, why am I the only one who thinks this is all really, really SUS?!?!"

Meanwhile Canderous is like "yeay, let's kill some other mandalorians with my instant new best buddy! 😀"

And Mission is hating on the poor ex-girlfriend of her absolutely trash brother. 😠

Don't hate on Carth for doing his math properly!!!!

And this is all just 10 times funnier if the player is going for a total dark route!!! 😂😂😂

Revan, with the blood of the tusken she/he has just pointlessly killed on her/his face, the ugly signs of corruption on the body and the lightsaber still on "WHy DoN'T yOu TrUSt Me?"

[howtheworldcouldb]

I posted this as part of a reblog on an Incorrect Kotor Quote but I feel like it needs its own post:

Kinda want a fic retelling/fleshing out of KOTOR, but with absolute batshit shenanigans the entire time.

To infiltrate the Sith Enclave on Taris, they dress up as janitors. Zaalbar's uniform looks like shorts and a crop top, Carth is wearing a bad fake mustache and T3 is disguised as a trash can. They're only meant to be a distraction (Mission is in the vents, because she's the only one that fit and she really wanted to). It works, but not how they intended. No one looks at them twice.

The robot custodian in the Dantooine Star Forge temple? They respond to its questions with exceedingly crazy but technically correct answers. Eventually the poor thing gets so confused it just lets them through.

The murder investigation on Manaan plays out like a bad episode of the Pink Panther cartoon. Their primary investigating techniques include doing shots with witnesses until they spill their life story (Zaalbar and oddly Juhani have the best alcohol tolerance), and standing in the courtyards to alternately yell "Fuck Elassa" and "Fuck Sunry". Whoever responds with "amen" gets tracked down and questioned. Three people have a different definition of "fuck ___". Revan arrests them anyway.

Revan and the Crew, instead of pretending to be students in the Sith Academy when asked what they're doing there, panic and pretend they're from "the union". It plays out exactly like that one scene from Shrek. It spirals and they end up leading a workers revolution Somehow, by the end of it, they've founded a functioning, sovereign nation, of which Dustil has been voted leader of. His first act is to banish Carth. Carth is very sad about it. Revan is still welcome, because she’s weirdly become something like a beloved stepmom. No one understands it. Everyone but Carth thinks it’s hilarious.

When Malak reveals Revan was a Sith Lord, all of them collectively decide to gaslight the shit out of him. Dude, Revan has always been [whatever her fake name is]. They’ve known her for years. “Are you sure you have the right person? What do they look like, maybe we can help you find them–”

“What? It’s... it's literally you. You look just like her.”

“Wow man that’s crazy”

Jolee canonically signed up just to fuck around and see what happened, and boy is it a show

[allronix]

Carth and Force Sensitivity (crossposted from Reddit r/kotor)

This is for @k-she-rambles:

Okay, so while we're shooting the bantha crap over on KOTOR fan theories, u/134340Goat mentioned my all time favorite "Have you been chewing spice?!" fan theory when it comes to KOTOR: Is Carth Force Sensitive?

So this one starts with a story. I mentioned my brother in law, who is pretty much Keeper of the Jedi Archives. Seriously, he's an English teacher and my sister is a librarian. They met at a sci fi convention and their first date was Phantom Menace. We're taking not just geeks, but geeks who can throw the damn bookshelf at you. Brother in law bought KOTOR on the day it launched and turned it into a week long binge watch at his house. And because brother in law is that kind of geek, he's translating the characters into the West End D6 system. I'm watching him do a playthrough, and he's got Canderous and Zaalbar at Ajunta Pal's tomb.

Allronix: Huh. That's odd. Why aren't commenting on anything when Ajunta is speaking?

Bro in law: Oh. They can't even see Ajunta. You have to be Force Sensitive to see a Force Ghost The stronger your Sensitivity, the better you can see it.

Allronix: Really? Then how come Carth can see it?

Bro in law (gets the "holy shit, I gotta confirm this" look): Really?! He just sees something out the corner of his eye or something?

Allronix: No, he sees Ajunta just fine. Understands what the dude's saying too.

Bro in law instantly rolls back to his last save, swaps Zaalbar for Carth, and sees the bit in question.

Bro in law: Oh. Dear. (Goes over to make some quick scribbles on Carth's character sheet)

Okay, so maybe that was a lore fail. I didn't really think about it too much until I hit that False Level Up glitch and ran around with Carth and Mission as Sentinels. Now, while I couldn't really see Mission as a Sensitive, that little bit with my bro in law nagged at me. And became a "once you see it you can't unsee it." Apologies to TV Tropes, where some of these were my additions to the Wild Mass Guess entry on this topic.

Any one of these on its own is pretty easy to blow off. After all, man is career military, and knows All this Shit is Weird. I also like to think of Sensitivity as a spectrum and not a switch. If all life is connected by the Force, then all life would be Sensitive to some degree or another. It’s just a matter of to what degree. It’s only as the list gets longer and longer does the case start looking damning...

What are the odds of surviving that attack on the Endar Spire, getting to the escape pods, sharing the last escape pod with the mindwiped Sith Lord, piloting through the chaos, landing in what passes for the "good" part of town, remaining uninjured, pulling the badly injured mindwiped Sith Lord from the wreck, evading Sith detection while all this is going on, and just happening to find a dump of an apartment where the landlord's not asking questions? That is one amazing string of coincidences and good luck. Get that many in Star Wars, and it's definitely The Force sticking its nose in things.

Piloting the escape pod to land in the Upper City, piloting the Hawk through the Sith Blockade of Taris, the random Sith patrols, the escape from the Leviathan, and the fleet around Lehon along with the crash landing that left the ship easily repairable. Now, compare to Atton who we know to be an excellent pilot and drawing on The Force who still manages to crash the ship at least three times.

He's a scary good judge of character if you're interacting with other NPCs. If you watch him with other NPC characters, he's got a pretty good compass as to which characters are being helpful and which ones are full of shit. The only one he calls incorrectly is Rukil, who is probably also an untrained Sensitive (the age, the "marked" comments) and half senile, which is probably throwing him.

Related to that, his distrust and wariness about something not adding up with the PC, the Jedi Council feeding the party a line of bull, that things just aren't adding up. And on all of it? Dead on. He's 100% right about the Player Character, he just expected something a little less crazy than "that's Darth freaking Revan."

If you play Female Revan, then Carth's the one who gets fried in the torture cages on the Leviathan. Saul comments how strange it is that Carth takes so much punishment and still remains conscious. Now, this is a low level thing, but in lore, Force Sensitives have drawn on it to keep them alive or conscious under duress. Explicitly, the first sign we got that Leia was a Sensitive when she withstood the Imperial torture droid.

Another of his scary ass judge of character feats? In the comics, Zayne (who is on the run from the Jedi, who framed him for the murder of his classmates) has a vision that Mandalorians are coming for Serroco. Saul? Laughs it off, throws Zayne in the brig. Zayne's own friends don't even believe him. Carth gets one of those creepy hunches and starts calling in "duck and cover" sirens as far as he can broadcast, which sends seventeen cities and millions of people heading for shelter. It saves their lives and Carth is called a hero for it. Armed with another hunch, he disobeys Saul (remember this is before Saul nukes Telos) and lets Zayne "escape" from custody. Mind you, not even the Jedi or his party members believed Zayne. Carth did.

Carth makes a lot of creepy weird offhand predictions about the future. He says he knows on some level he'll be there when Saul dies. That certainly pans out. He makes an offhand prediction that the Jedi have set the party up to take a fall. Right again. He tells a female PC that she'll have to make a choice soon, one she can't walk away from. And then we get the temple top. He even blurts out that "I sensed you would have to make a choice soon, and that was it*, I can feel it!"* If you specify a LS Female Revan, his recording for T3-M4 says he's had a hunch Revan would leave without warning. Again, spot on.

Specify a LS male Revan, and Carth will remark to Bastila that seeing the Exile reminds him "there are worse things to lose." The only other people who can see just how screwed up the Exile is are the Jedi Masters, Chodo Habat, and the Force Sensitive party members.

Specify a LS female Revan, and Carth will insist that he would know if Revan were dead (again, scary ass intuition) and that there's an "emptiness" where she used to be. Now, remember one of the things about a broken Force Bond? It would simply be "empty, a wound."

You know how your party members in KOTOR 2 feel upset or even horrified as they realize they feel compelled to protect Exile and can't being themselves to leave, even when said actions are kicking puppies? And how they swing wildly from being crazy, almost stalker level possessive of them to being scared out of their wits and clamming up when you try to pry anything out of them? And the more potent (and untapped) their Force Sensitivity, the more they get hammered with the effect? (Mira and Atton in particular) Yeah. Now, Carth's "I don't wanna talk" looks a bit different, doesn't it? It could also account for that romance arc, especially if you roll a DSF Revan and go for that "everyone dies" ending.

Again, Ajunta Pal. Seeing a Force Ghost? Yeah. Some degree of Sensitivity needed. Understanding what he's saying? Yeah. Takes a bit more than that. And Carth makes a weirdly insightful comment about the Dark Side on top of it.

Notice that this a wall o text argument already, and I'm now just getting to the "Yeah, his kid is able to throw around mid-level Dark Side powers and packing a red lightsaber." Given the jawline and the muleheaded attitude, no way Morgana was fooling around with the pizza delivery boy. That's definitely Carth's kid, and that's definitely Force Sensitivity. Now, while it can skip a generation (see Theron Shan), it tends to run pretty heavy in families.

Lastly? Gee. He comes from a planet settled by and heavily populated by descendants of Force Sensitives who failed their training. I'm also willing to bet some bastard children of Jedi get passed off as "foundlings" and "orphans" and dumped there, too. Jedi are forbidden attachments, but not sworn to celibacy, so...yeah, bastard kids are gonna happen. There's probably a Jedi or two in that family tree. It's circumstantial evidence at best, but it still supports the case.

Now, any arguments I missed? Counterarguments?

And the million credit question: If there's a character who gets to break this news to poor Flyboy, who do you think would actually take that on? How do you think Carth would take that kind of news? And what, if anything, would come of it?

I kinda figure Jolee might be the only one nuts enough to poke that with a stick...I also kinda figure "Sentinel" would fit best. Consular? Hell no. He hired Mical for that. Guardian works with the feats, but the whole "ferreting out deceit and injustice?" Yeah. That's Carth.

[domwho11]

1. Bastila's face was a mask of shock.

"You... you're one of the soldiers from the Endar Spire!"

"My name's Merrick Aster. I'm here to rescue you."

Bastila raised an eyebrow.

"As far as rescues go this is a pretty poor example."

"We don't have time for this. Carth is waiting."

2. "You... you continue to be there for me, don't you? Even when I push you away you're still there when I need you most."

Merrick reached out and tucked a strand of Bastila's hair behind her ear.

"I'll always be here for you Bastila."

They locked gazes. Then they kissed.

3. "But you Revan, your power, your strength of will, these things still remain. I would gladly stand by you... as your lover and apprentice."

"Bastila... you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow."

Bastila sneered.

"You are weak and mindless. And soon I will destroy you.

4. "What! How can this be! You are a weak and pathetic servant of the light. Why can't I defeat you?"

"Come back to the light Bastila." said Merrick.

"I love you. I love you so much."

"I..."

Bastila's face broke into a smile.

"I love you too."

They both kissed.

[hylfystt]

kotor and/or star wars in general for the fandom asks!

send me a fandom and i'll tell you my _____:

THANK YOU!!! i decided to do kotor because 💃

blorbo (my fave): sighs............ atton

scrunkly (my 'baby'): t3!!!! he is, quite simply, the fucking best. also bao-dur like....i mean you know.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated fave): mission! idk she gets a lot of flack for being a kid but she's got spunk and she absolute obliterates carth every time he even opens his mouth in her direction i love her.

glup shitto (obscure fave): does jolee count because like no one ever talks about him but he is?? so fucking funny???

poor little meow meow ("problematic" fave): atton, again. master kavar.

horse plinko (who i would torment for fun): also atton. carth.

eeby deeby (superhell express): default white male revan

[gizkalord]

kotor for ur blorbo ask 🤌🏻

OH MAN!!!!!!

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

the exile, i just really love how the character serves as a proxy for confronting one's past and exploring the question how to live with your own decisions, and the choice to live with or without intention/conviction.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

revan does not give me cuteness aggression, but they are 1000% So Shaped. i can't explain it, explaining it would ruin the Shape-ness of revan

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

visas marr!! the healing from trauma and returning to the spot of one of ur traumas got to me ok!!

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week):

if i saw a gizka in live action i'd lose my shit

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

ATTON. i mean i don't think he's unpopular within the fandom, but WOW my favorite stinky man. kills people and was made to feel bad about it but then he also killed someone to not feel bad about it <3 love the logic king <3 always pathetically searching for validation from the exile because otherwise he doesn't see value in his life <3

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

100% carth "i don't want to talk about it" onasi, it's right there in the gameplay for you to torment him about his past!! also i had a lot of fun on my first kotor playthrough with stringing him along and then rejecting him

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

kreia kreia kreia, but also i don't think superhell would be effective against her. i also considered canderous because building an army and waiting for years for ur bf to return is also superhell material

[dairine-bonnet]

Carth: ...Simply tell her... that Carth Onasi is waiting for her!

Me, as a player: Hey, Carth, hold your horses! My Revan didn't romance you!:D

[kirnet]

KOTOR for the ask meme?

blorbo: Kirnet counts for all of these categories but she is the blorbo. but for npcs its bao-dur or mission (atton will be listed later but he counts too)

scrunkly: mission and T3!

scrimblo bimblo: jolee bindo. he's in my top 5 kotor characters i adore him sm. also it rhymes with scrimblo bimblo.

glup shitto: dustil. like what is he even doing after the game? do you think he and revan have a cool nephew/aunt/uncle thing and he just doesn't talk to carth at all?

poor little meow meow: atton. obviously

horse plinko: Revan! also canderous with that "she gave you orders and you stayed even as you wait for her return"

eeby deeby: c*arth onasty

[thatwitchrevan]

kotor snippet - revastila grief hours

warnings: grief, talk about death and toxic/abusive guardians

Merith could sense Bastila coming well before she reached the apartment door. Merith ran over and threw it open, pulling Bastila over the threshold and into her arms as soon as she was within reach.

Bastila seemed as eager for comfort and reassurance as Merith was, if the tightness with which she returned the embrace was any indication. "My love, are you alright?"

Merith laughed a little, the sound slightly choked. "I'm not the one coming from a warzone. How are you?"

Bastila pulled back and held Merith's face in her hands, looking at her a moment before kissing her forehead. "I'm fine, darling. It's everyone else I'm worried about. From what Carth's told me, poor Meetra's been through an ordeal. He's tired, too."

Merith wrapped her hand around Bastila's. "There's more news, isn't there?"

Bastila nodded. "Come, let's sit down. There's a lot I need to tell you."

Bastila got Merith seated down on the couch with a blanket and cup of tea before she finally sat down next to her, holding her hand as she filled her in on the broad strokes of what had happened with the Exile and Telos. Carth had already told her a lot of it in his messages, but he had needed to be brief. Even now Merith could hear unspoken omissions in the story, which she suspected were things that pertained to her.

Bastila squeezed her hand, and sure enough, she looked at Merith with sympathetic sadness. "Revan... There was another attack at the Dantooine Enclave."

Merith tensed. "What? Why?"

Bastila’s eyes tightened with worry. She scanned Revan’s face, trying to decide how to say what she needed to tell her. She settled on squeezing her hand again and asking her a question in a soft, low voice. "Do you remember someone named Arren Kae?"

Merith thought, biting down on her bottom lip - the name sounded familiar, like someone she had known in passing, but her instincts told her it was much more than that. An impression surfaced of an older Jedi, someone she had looked up to, though she couldn’t conjure an image of the woman. “I... I think so? There was this Jedi Master... Vrook never wanted me around her, I think, but she mentored me anyway.”

Bastila nodded. “That’s right. Arren Kae was a Jedi Master when you were in training. She fought in the Mandalorian Wars and survived, but she was cut from the Force like Meetra was. She went into exile and changed her name to Kreia, and she found Meetra when she came back to the Republic. Kreia tried to help Meetra regain her strength, but she also wanted to destroy the Jedi."

Bastila paused. Her eyes met Merith’s again. Those deep brown eyes were warm and comforting, but the worry lines still pinched around them.  "Revan, Kreia killed the Council elders."

Revan froze over. Her voice stuck in her throat a little until she swallowed to clear it. "All of them?"

Bastila nodded tightly. "Yes."

Revan had to take a moment to process that, that the Council - that Vrook was dead. It had already been a shock when Malak had attacked the planet, and now this... As a child the Council and the Enclave had seemed to be a permanent fixture in the galaxy. She could hardly have imagined any of them dying in her lifetime, much less every last one. 

Her own shock would hardly hold a candle to how Bastila and Meetra felt. Bastila had been raised by each member of the Council, always kept close, and Meetra had been close to Kavar in a way Revan wasn't with any of her teachers.

And yet in a way it felt like a weight was lifted off her. She’d never have to look into Vrook’s eyes and feel his judgement ever again. The Council had finally paid for what they did to her, to Bastila, to all the Jedi.

Merith let out a low breath. "I don't really know how to feel," she confessed. "A big part of me feels relieved."

Bastila nodded. Her mouth was thin, lips pressed tight, but she didn't look at Revan with reproach or scorn. Instead, she scooted closer, leaning on Merith a little.. "I know. I feel a little relieved too, though I wish I didn't."

Merith shook her head. "It's okay. They were assholes."

Bastila snorted. "They certainly were."

Merith sighed and leaned back into Bastila. “Should I even ask what happened to Kreia?”

Bastila’s forehead pinched, again with that look of sympathy and pain at giving her partner bad news. “Meetra killed her. It sounds like it had to be done.”

Merith nodded. Her movements felt sluggish, like she was caught in time or between lives, trying to understand in real time what all of this meant to her without having full access to her memories. One thing she did know - if Meetra had to kill her new mentor right after losing her old master, she’d be in a lot of pain right now. Revan barely knew her anymore, but she still ached for her.

“So one of my old mentors killed another one, the one who brought me to the Jedi in the first place, and also Meetra’s old master and all of yours. And Meetra had to kill Kreia, who was also her new master.”

Bastila nodded. “I know. It’s a fucking mess.”

Revan laughed. The sound was too loud, too bright for how dim and messy her apartment was right now, and how miserable all this news was. But it made Bastila smile, so she kept doing it. She laughed until her sides ached and Bastila was smiling sadly but widely at her, a far cry from the proper, perfect woman who would’ve told her to be serious and respectful. Revan laughed until her throat hurt too and her eyes filled and she was crying into one hand, clutching Bastila with the other.

“It just never stops, does it,” she sniffled, pitifully, into her palm. It burned her that she was crying for people she half-remembered, half-hated; crying for herself when Meetra Surik was out there probably being strong and good like she always was. Revan had no right to any of this pain or confusion, and yet.

Bastila just shook her head, her own tears calm and silent. “It doesn’t. I’m sorry, love.”

Revan tugged her closer and they held each other, trying to be each other’s anchors. Revan hoped Meetra had had someone to hug her while she’d cried, hoped that Carth would be home soon so that she could make sure he was really, truly okay, hoped that soon there would be an end to the universe’s taking, if not from her, then at least from the people who didn’t deserve to lose it all. 

When they had mostly cried themselves out, Bastila laid them both down, pulling Merith onto her chest and cuddling her close. She stroked Merith’s hair, gently and slowly, ever careful not to tug on it. 

Merith frowned into the crook of Bastila’s elbow, and of course Bastila noticed. “What are you thinking?” she asked.

“It just feels so stupid,” Revan muttered. “I barely remember Kae yet, and I hated the Council. I hated Vrook. I still do.”

“Hmm,” Bastila hummed. She looked down at Revan. “You know very well that hate and love are not opposites.”

Merith’s frown deepened. She tried not to think about Vrook at all, but she especially avoided the memories of her childhood, times that she tried to make him proud of her and times that she acted out to ensure that if he was upset with her, it was because she had deliberately made it so. She’d much rather hold onto her hate than the twisted need for affection and validation from the man who’d taken her from her home and shaped so much of her life. 

But Bastila rubbed her shoulders and kept speaking. “It’s okay. That you cared about him doesn’t mean that he was good, or that he deserved it. I truly believe Vrook believed he was doing the right thing, but he wasn’t. He hurt you. He was the first person to really hurt you, and gave you wounds that will never fully be healed. But he was also your guardian, your teacher, and he promised you a life you thought you wanted. It’s only natural if you cared about him. It’s not your fault.”

Revan buried her face in Bastila’s robes. It was so rare that she got to hear ‘it’s not your fault’ and believe that it may be even somewhat true. Another little sob fought its way out her throat and shook her shoulders, and Bastila hugged her tight, her own grief washing over Revan like the ocean, but with a warmth underneath it as they both knew they would never be alone in this pain again. 

Revan pushed herself up when she could stop crying again and kissed Bastila - on her cheek, her lips, her hairline - holding her face in her hands. “You will always be enough, Bastila Shan. You are everything.”

Bastila’s eyes shined up at her, confirming as Revan had hoped that it was what she needed to hear. She grabbed Revan’s hand and kissed her palm. “I love you too,” she whispered.

Revan folded herself back into Bastila’s arms. At the moment she’d be content to stay there forever, never to come out and face the world again. Bastila seemed to wholeheartedly agree, and they fell asleep like that, tangled up and exhausted on the coach. 

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

So aside from having three recruits survive with Carth another thing I really hope to do with my fic is discuss, to at least some extent, the duality of the Jedi. Because in the games one of the key viewpoints we get of the Jedi of this Era is the Council, with the other's being Jolee, who abandoned the order for his own reasons, and Bastila and Juhani, two students of the Order who are very clearly used to varying extents.

Jolee, Bastila, and Juhani are all very clearly good people who do their best to follow and uphold the code (arguably less so with Jolee since he's a Grey Jedi but the point still stands). The council however? Not only do many members fail to follow the code (to varrying extents), but they're hypocrites. The vast majority of them sit upon a high horse, and look down on the others for not reaching their impossible standards that they themselves do not meet.

They claim to not kill, yet they effectively killed off Revan (if you go LS) by erasing their personality, and then what's left of the council after Katar tries to kill Meetra for... having bonds? Which are strengthened and empowered by the Force? And for being a "wound" in the force?

Their behavior towards her is especially jarring if you play LS, as she's effectively the only thing who can put an end to the Sith threat. Which, in this instance, threatens to devour all life in the galaxy. But no, killing a good person because of her force wound and her ability to connect deeply with others is more important than helping her destroy the cosmic horror that wants to eat everyone's life force.

They also actively cause harm to their other students, such as Juhani, often for asinine reasons. Then when they're called out on it they shrug and claim it all as "the will of the force."

So I think the way I'm going to portray the order is that the individual knights and padawans are typically relatively good people doing their best to live by the code, but that the majority of the council are pompous windbags who are blind to their own hypocrisy. Who will go to extremes that break the standards they hold everyone else to. And who are wrong about things more often then not.

Because the only way I can see the Jedi Order falling is either due to extreme circumstances such as Order 66, or from poor leadership by the council (which the sith or any other enemy can then use against them). And the KOTOR Era council are terrible leaders who abuse the power they hold over the others more often than not.

TLDR: The Jedi Council is full of abusive hypocrites but the Order itself is full of good natured people who a trying their best to help others and uphold the code.

[revan-studies]

Doing my second playthrough, and I just got to the part on Taris post-swoop-race where Bastila joins the party. And poor Bas. In addition to getting abducted and imprisoned, it’s like...

FML, is it seriously just amnesiacRevan and me stuck on this planet? 

No wait, Carth Onasi survived too. Okay, can work with that

Carth sent not-Revan to “save” me, so not-Revan’s new wiring must be holding up? So far so good

And then they make it back to the hideout.

Wait they recruited??? adopted??? a 14-year-old???

And there’s a Wookie here too

Why is there a Wookie here. How did they even find a Wookie here

Oh, the Wookie is Big Z and he has sworn a life debt to amnesiacRevan

Because of course that’s happened, why wouldn’t that happen

“I’ve been having these weird dream visions of you fighting dark Jedi, Revan, I guess”

[spectraspecs-writes]

Tatooine - Chapter 108

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 107. Chapter 109.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

I find myself waking up early, far earlier than I meant. But then I’m amazed I got to sleep at all, or even stayed asleep. The nightmares were awful, but I couldn’t wake up. I felt like I was being suffocated by that mask but I couldn’t pull it off. Revan’s mask. My mask. No. No. Revan’s mask. Because I’m not Revan, I don’t know what she knows, she doesn’t know what I know. Or knew - what she knew. I’m a scout. Revan was a killer. A murder. A Sith Lord. I’m not Revan. I’m not.

T3 stayed with me the whole night after Carth changed our course. And the engine isn’t making any noise, so I guess we’re here. Tatooine.

And it’s morning. I suppose I should go check, shouldn’t I?

The cockpit is empty. Carth’s not there. He’s not in the main hold, either. And I don’t sense him in the port side quarters. I guess he left. Not that I blame him.

I’ve got to get out of here. But not like this. Not these robes. This isn’t me. I’m not a Jedi, I’m a scout. And out there is a world I haven't explored. All I looked for was the Star Map. All I cared about was the Star Map. But this is not a dead world. Not even a desert is dead. Where there is life, there is water, and where there is water, there is life. That’s one of the first things you learn as a scout.

But did I even learn it? If I’m Revan, then…

No. No.

A Jedi robe does not a good scouting outfit make. The copious lack of pockets alone makes it a poor choice. I tie up my hair so it’s off my neck, and pull out a soft white tunic. And my vest. I’m torn between shorts for the heat and pants to fight the sand, but I eventually settle on a loose pair of pants and sturdy boots. I keep only a single lightsaber in my pack, opting for my swords instead. I’m not a Jedi. I'm a scout. A lightsaber is a weapon. A sword is a tool, far more versatile in use. I have my sunglasses. Now all I need is my droid. T3 doesn’t need much prompting. Like he doesn’t want to leave my side.

Much as I hate it, Czerka is the only game in town. They’re the only ones sending people into the desert. I could go alone, but that’s not a good idea. The clients always have insurance if something happens - it’s in your contract. They pay for whatever you find, even if all you find is pain. You never go out alone. I need to be myself, even if that means taking one job with Czerka.

This is good. I missed this. Missed my vest. Missed myself. But it isn’t myself, is it? Who the hell even am I? I remember being a Republic scout, I remember turning over rocks, discovering insects I’d never seen before. Watching eggs hatch and documenting what I saw. Seeing lemurs hang from trees by prehensile tails. Leaves no one had ever seen, trees no one had ever seen! I remember finding a hot springs on Utapau! Spending the nights on the rocks while we analyzed water quality, microbial landscapes, geological makeup, or just plain swimming! Are those memories even real? Do those insects even exist? Those eggs, those lemurs, those leaves, those trees? Is there a hot springs on Utapau? Where did the data come from? What was real?

But I know. Whether any of that was real or not, anything I see today, anything I find today will be real. Anyone I meet today will be real. My memories here will be real. Maybe I wasn’t a scout before. But I will be today.

I step into the Czerka office - the same representative is there from the last time. “Greetings from the offices of Czerka Corporation.” The disgust I feel is thankfully different than the disgust I’ve been feeling for myself. “How can I help you?”

I pull up my Republic file, my fake scouting record. Doesn’t feel fake. “I’m a scout,” I say, “with a specialty in ecology and droid repair. Do you have any expeditions going out?”

She hums a bit, reading over my record. “According to this, the Republic holds your contract. Czerka corporation has no interest in any legal disputes with the Republic.”

“You won’t have to worry about that,” I assure her, “The Republic violated my contract, and the mission I was on came to an abrupt end when the Sith destroyed the ship I was on.

She hums again. “I suppose that is a risk when your employer is at war.” Tell me about it. “For long-term employment, however, you would have to fill out an application with Czerka headquarters. Business hours only, please.”

“I’m not looking for long-term contract negotiation,” I say, “This is just for a one-off freelance gig.”

“I don’t think our teams would have much use for an ecologist,” she says, looking back at my file, “but I am interested in your technical skills.” Better than nothing, I guess. “Our mining teams have had difficulty keeping the machinery functioning. As I’m sure you know, sand has a tendency to interfere with machinery. How soon would you be able to start?”

“I’m willing to head out now,” I say, “What’s the pay rate?”

“When you return at the end of the day, you will receive 150 credits.” She transfers a file to my datapad. “This is a standard contract. It stipulates that Czerka corporation is not liable for any harm sustained on the Dunes. Any disputes you may have with Czerka Corporation will be settled through binding arbitration. When you return to this office you will receive 150 credits in exchange for your work.” I don’t expect any problems, nothing I can’t deal with. And despite what she says, you can’t absolve yourself of all liability when you send out scouting teams. It’s been galactic law for the past two hundred years or so and there are scouting organizations who take it very seriously. Czerka tries to skirt the law but it never lasts. Scouts who know what they’re doing hold them to it, or threaten to call in the authorities. And Czerka tries to keep all that on the down-low, paying off officials, making donations, counting on the ignorance of the people signing the contracts. If I was doing anything other than a one-off gig… well, actually, you should just shoot me if this was anything other than a one-off gig. But anyway, if it were anything but that, I’d get into it myself. No one is expendable and they can’t pretend to be ignorant of the hell they’d catch if they tried to say otherwise. Even so, I sign the contract but I’m not even sure it’s legally binding. Rena Visz doesn’t exist. I’d have to sign Revan’s name but I don’t know what it is.

Nope. Nope. Nope, I don’t want to think about that.

“Excellent,” she says as I transfer the signed contract back, “There's a speeder outside - input your datapad and it’ll direct you to a set of coordinates. You’ll meet one of our mining teams there.”

And that’s that. I load T3 into the pilot’s side of the speeder and input my datapad, like she said, and off we go, onto the Dune Sea. The speeder takes us past the Czerka marker points, past even the Star Map. I can feel it calling out to me as we pass it. And it feels different, so different, from how it felt… oh God, it was barely last week. It felt like such a long time, so much has happened. I met Jolee, Bastila and Canderous got together, Kashyyyk was liberated, Carth’s son, Carth… Carth! That happened! That happened two days ago! And now… he probably hates me now. And I can’t say I blame him. If T3 wasn’t driving, I would have stopped. Because its call is so loud, so strong. And I can’t tell if it’s calling for Rena or Revan. But T3 drives on, and with distance the call fades. It doesn’t go away but it fades.

The speeder pulls up to a cave and slows to a stop. The sand is different out here. Still sand, of course, and a very fine sand, at that, but it’s dirty,. Soot and smoke from the machines. Polluted. To think what this sand could have given with care. Something like this doesn’t happen naturally. There’s nothing I could do about the state of this world now. As if anyone would listen to me if I could. Not even the Sand People, I think - they would surely feel the same way, but I can never know the same as they do. They should be the ones to rehabilitate the planet. I am only another outsider with an opinion. And besides, this is a stable state now, any massive changes, if not done slowly and carefully, could just as easily land the world in a worse state as it could a better one. And it’s not my place.

I have to assume it’s the site foreman who comes up to me. I get T3 out of the speeder. “You the Czerka droid tech?” he asks.

“Droid tech, yes, Czerka, no, but suffice it to say I’m here to help,” I say.

He chuckles. “You hate the bastards, too, huh?” he asks rhetorically, and I shrug and nod. “I don’t know why we're still out here, the ore’s no good, and the machines hardly work with all the sand. You’ve got your work cut out for you with fixing.”

“I’m hoping for it,” I say, “in fact, I’ve got something that should make everything easier.”

“What? You’ve got a way to teleport us off this rock?”

“I wish,” I say. I set my pack down on the speeder and open it. I’ve got an old shirt in here. “The machines stop working because sand gets into the vents and clogs with the gears and the works. Close off the vents and the machine overheats, but leave them open and the sand gets in and they’re useless.” There’s the shirt. “So what you need is a way to keep the sand out and prevent overheating. And we’re gonna do it the same way the animals do.”

“But that fabric will hold the heat in,” he objects.

I scoff. “Yeah,” I say sarcastically, “because I’m stupid.” I indicate T3. “Check out his vents - does he look like he’s overheating?”

He stoops to look. Sees the fabric under the vents, and around the joints. “I don’t believe this.”

“Then watch me. Got a machine down?”

He indicated a machine near the mouth of the cave. “Just pulled it out a little while ago. Started sputtering and smoking. We’re down to just one - if that one craps out, we’re stuck mining by hand.”

Easy enough. “T3, help me get this open.” T3 has a laser cutter, and he carefully lasers off the seal on the large access panel. I can pop it open with my panel tool once the seal’s off. Tool, panel, open - yep, the wires are loaded with sand. I shut the vents off, because the first step is to get the sand out, and I don’t want it getting to other parts of the machinery. Too big to tip over and dump out, so I get in and sweep.

This is a good feeling. I can do something with this, and the machine won’t care who I am or what I’ve done. Won’t care that I had no idea who I was when I woke up this morning and I still don’t. Won’t care that I can’t help but hate myself for atrocities I don’t even remember committing. Won’t care that I have two people in my head, two sets of memories even if I can’t access one set, and no way to reconcile them. Because I can fix this. And even better? Revan can’t take this away from me. Because I invented sand shields, not Revan.

Okay. Sand’s all out. I tear the fabric to a more reasonable size, popping the panel closed with my foot and T3 welds it shut again. The vent should be… there we go. Doing this outside could prove a little tricky, more sand could get in while I’m putting the cover on. Quick work is needed. I pull my vest off and use it to cover the majority of the vent, except for the bolts, which I set to work getting off. Once the bolts are off, I quickly whisk the vent cover off and put the fabric in its place. Then I put the cover back on, and replace the bolts. “That should be good for most of the time. It might need replacing after a sandstorm, but as you could see it wasn’t that difficult to do,” I say to the foreman, “And this is more basic that what T3 has, but like I said. It gets the job done.”

Still skeptical, the foreman turns the machine on. With a healthy whir it comes to life. He comes around to the vent and holds his hand in front of it. Waiting. A few seconds later, he looks at me, then back, then me, then back again. “I can feel air coming out,” he says simply, surprised, “This… but it’s so simple! But it works!” He turns the machine back off. “This could solve half our problems. This is great. Did you come up with this?”

Yes, as a matter of fact, I… wait.

I… I remember.

No.

“The sandstorms aren’t the worst of it, Master Jedi.” Someone said that. A long time ago. “It’s the sand. It chokes out the machinery. Our engineers tell us there’s nothing they can do to stop it, but it’s leaving us like sitting ducks out there.”

“And the Mandalorians don’t have the same problems?” That’s me. That’s my voice. But… not me. No.

“Not that we’ve seen, though damned if we know why.”

“Maybe they’re using a different power source,” Hanna said. Who’s Hanna? She was my best friend, but who was she? I don’t know. I don’t know.

But a thought struck me. I don't know why or how. But it came to me. Revan. Me. Revan. She pulled her robe off and tore it. “The insides of the machines are sealed up tight, with no way in or out. Except the vents.” She pulled out her lightsaber. Green one. Held it on the metal, where it met the fabric. The metal melted and fused with the fabric, and when she removed her lightsaber it cooled and the fabric stayed. Sand shields. The very first sand shields. And she must have refined the process… because that looks exactly the same as the sand shields on Hk-47. Revan built HK. I built HK.

“No,” I finally say, “I didn’t.” Because she took it from me. Revan took this from me. That was my accomplishment, something that I did, something I achieved and she took it from me. My stomach turns. This is going to be the rest of my life - every single thing I’ve ever done, every good thing that’s ever happened to me, poisoned by Revan. I’ve done nothing. Revan has. Nothing good ever happened to me. It happened to Revan. Carth was the only good thing and Revan spoiled that too. I can’t have anything. Revan will only take it away.

I don't feel so good.

I fall to my knees and retch into the sand. I can’t stop it. Everything hurts. Everything burns. “Get some water!” the foreman shouts, “She’s got sun sickness!”

“It’s not sun sickness,” I manage to say, forcing the words out.

“I’m not willing to take that chance,” he says, “I’ve lost more than a few miners to sun sickness, I’m not about to risk another.”

“I’ll be fine,” I repeat, “It’s not sun sickness, I’m positive.”

“Oh, yeah, doctor?” he says sarcastically, “Then what else could it be?”

Well… there really is no way to tell a perfect stranger you used to be a Sith Lord and it’s destroying your life. So I shake my head a bit. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

He doesn’t believe me. He hands me some water. “Drink this slowly. And let’s get you back to Anchorhead.”

“You send all your miners back to Anchorhead when this happens?”

“You’re not one of my miners. You’re from the company, and in their eyes you matter more than these miners.” T3 gets loaded into the speeder first, then the foreman helps me in. Makes me feel even more like shit now - not only did Revan take sand shields away from me, she’s taking away what could have been a good day’s work. I wasn't even out here for an hour!

I try my hardest not to cry. No one would get it anyway, and I’d just come off as a pitiful little girl. Because it turns out none of my memories of dealing with that are real and I have no idea how Revan would have dealt with that. Because it turns out that at heart I’m a terrible person even though I don’t want to be.

“I know it doesn't seem like it,” the foreman says, “but you did a lot of good today. Those machines are a lifesaver for my miners. If even just one of them keeps working because of this, you’ve saved us a lot of pain.”

Maybe so. But none of that makes up for all the pain Revan caused. There is a massive debt of blood owed that Revan accrued, that I could hardly begin to pay back. I've already, personally, accrued a debt, but it was easy to justify - I was trying to stop Malak, stop the war, and in doing so would save countless lives. But Revan started the war. Revan is responsible for the deaths of billions, Republic and Sith. Not even counting the Mandalorians from the last war! Saving the lives and limbs of a handful of miners doesn’t begin to make up for that.

When we get back to Anchorhead, the foreman tells me to wait in the speeder, so I do. He’s gone for maybe five minutes before he comes back. “You’ll find 250 credits transferred to you,” he says, “She wasn’t happy about it, but you saved the company way more than that, so I persuaded her to increase your cut.” He gets T3 out of the speeder while I pull myself out. “I’ll make sure the rest of our machines get shielding under the vents. And thanks again, really.” And he speeds away, back to the mine.

I don’t want to go back to the Hawk. I don’t want to go to Manaan. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t. Maybe I can get passage on a freighter out of here. Actually join the Republic scouting corps. Or, hell, maybe the Sith. Mandalorian. Aratech. Free-lance - just to actually do something. To feel something other than hatred and anger. Because there’s no way I could hope to make up for all the shit I’ve done that I don’t even remember. Not by finding the Star Map, not by ending the war, nothing. And staying and doing all that only increases the chance that I’ll hurt the people I care about. The only way to avoid that is to just… go. Run away. Take T3 and just go.

I find myself at the cantina. That feels about right. So I go in. “Hey!” the bartender shouts to me, "You can’t bring that droid in here. It’ll have to wait outside.”

Oh, hell, no. I’m not leaving him. And I think I could get away with a little intimidation. I look at a bottle resting on the bar. Reach out with the Force and lift it high above his head. “How about now?”

He looks from the bottle, to me, to T3, and back to the bottle. Decides it’s not worth it to argue. “Just don’t cause any trouble.” I gently set the bottle back down and take a seat.