#and play rehearsals every day and having to get a ride next week from one of the costuming department girls

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

having a bad day ladies I think I need prayer, coffee, bread, and a good book, in that order

[deakyjoe]

Love To Hate

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x Reader (fem, afab, she/her)

Category: enemies to lovers, smut, coworkers to lovers

Summary: You hate Dieter Bravo more than anything. So why are you asking him to sleep with you?

Warnings: 18+, smut (!!), protected p in v sex, f receiving oral, brief vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, thigh riding/grinding, groping, kissing, body worship (he loves tits and ass), dirty talk, praise, size kink (??), Dieter has a horse cock, crying, Dieter’s a teasing dick, enemies to lovers, coworkers to lovers, insecurities, sex/masturbation problems (for reader), mentions of unsatisfactory sex, mentions of drug use, reader is shorter than Dieter, let me know if I missed anything!

Word count: 8.8k (woah!)

A/N: I have a series in mind for this so the story between these two could continue. But for now it works as a standalone. Enjoy!

Consider buying me a coffee :)

There was no one in the world you disliked more than Dieter Bravo. It was a shame that he knew you better than anyone else ever had.

The two of you had had the unfortunate experience of always ending up in the same place. It had started during a chemistry read for a movie a few years back. Neither of you had ended up getting the job but it was undeniable that there was chemistry between you. Just not the kind of chemistry needed to play lovers on screen. Let's just say that you'd gotten off on the wrong foot and had never really recovered from it.

Next you'd both attended a charity event together, the both of you somehow being the star beneficiaries of the evening. The night included a lot of strained smiles, forced conversation and fake laughter.

Then there'd been the year long shoot you'd both winded up on for some up and coming director who'd begged for the both of you to appear in his movie, the promises of awards from every inch of the world for the both of you afterwards. And when award season came around, it turned out he was right. Awards did come flooding in. But for Dieter. Not you. It didn't help that you had to see the smug actor give the same speech at every ceremony as he graciously accepted the accolades.

And with that came the press junkets and the rounds of interviews, panels, and question and answer sessions. You pretty much saw Dieter Bravo every single day for almost two years. And the distaste for him never really went away. Sadly, this meant that he came to know the ins and outs of your life. Dieter could recite your schedule, list every single detail of your close friends and family's lives and could read your emotions like an open book. He knew you well. Too well. And he used this to his advantage.

And here you were again. On another movie with him. Somehow. You didn't know how it'd come to be as you'd made your agent swear never to put you in a project with him again. But shit happens.

After weeks of endless negotiations about budget, you'd finally arrived on set for rehearsals and table reads and the director had already warned that you were behind schedule. Shooting hadn't even started yet and you were already regretting it.

It didn't help when you'd been told that the hotel room that had been provided for you by the production company was right next to Dieter's. When you'd gotten there, you'd just stared at your shared wall for ten minutes and wondered how sound proof it was. You knew his reputation, had witnessed it even, and didn't fancy the sleepless nights if he was bringing someone new back to his room every night for the foreseeable future.

When you arrived for day one of table reads, you rushed around introducing yourself to everyone. You weren't the most sociable person ever, funny considering your career choice, and avoided one particular person whose gaze followed you around the room the whole time.

It was impossible not to feel his eyes on you. When Dieter's dark brown eyes latched onto a target, he wouldn't let go until he had his claws sunk in. In your case, it was different. He didn't view you as someone to sleep with but someone to torment with his presence instead.

You managed to successfully ignore him until your over enthusiastic director, Rodney, felt the need to introduce the two of you despite him knowing that the two of you already knew each other.

You looked up at Dieter, preparing yourself for the worst. His eyes looked clearer than usual, not as glazed over. You figured he'd been to rehab recently and was temporarily sober. That happened often. But never lasted long.

"Hi." You nodded up at him, brushing off the director's superficial nonsense that he'd spouted in attempt to make the two of you sudden best friends.

Dieter didn't return the greeting. "How're your parents?"

Small talk was meaningless between the two of you. Dieter knew everything about you. Everything. He'd met your parents on more than one occasion at different after parties, wrap parties, even on set once or twice. You hated to say that your mother loved him and your father liked him more than anyone else you'd ever introduced him to in this industry.

"Fine. Grandparents now." You replied, watching Rodney ease himself out of the conversation and wander off.

"Sister and her husband finally managed to conceive, huh?" He asked and you nodded in response despite the weird way he'd worded it. "You're an aunt. Cute."

"Yeah. How're you?" You sighed and looked over his shoulder, wondering how long it would take before the snappy responses started between the two of you.

He smirked. "Good."

"Good." You cleared your throat. "I hear that we're neighbours."

"Hm, lucky me."

Your eyes snapped back to his, not quite getting the tone in his voice. "Try to keep the noise down."

The smirk on his face was punchable. "I'll try my best."

You scoffed. "Yeah, okay."

Suddenly, you were swept away by other cast and crew members who were just dying to meet you. That was strange. You were used to people wanting to meet Dieter. But, as you found out from someone on the makeup team, you were the hot commodity on this set. A sense of pride filled your bones at the sound of that.

The days flew by. Table reads were completed, along with a few spontaneous rehearsals. You avoided Dieter at all costs, trying not to interact with him if you weren't reciting words from a script. And it was going pretty well. Except for the nights.

The walls were apparently extremely thin in the hotel you were staying in, just as you’d feared. You knew this how exactly? By the very clear sex sounds that would practically shake the wall you shared with Dieter. Moans, groans, a squeaking bed, a rattling headboard, the occasional scream even. It was torture. And you could do nothing apart from bury your head under a pillow. Unless you developed the confidence to go knocking on his door to tell him to cut it out. Which you didn't.

It didn't escape your notice that he was clearly accompanied by a new person every night, the tones of their noises changing each time. It also didn't escape you that Dieter was clearly very good in bed. If the sounds of his partners were any indication at least. They all seemed very enthusiastic to be in his company.

You grew used to it after a few days. Mainly because you had to. There was no point losing sleep over something you already knew about Dieter. He liked sex. A lot. And he had a reputation for a reason. It just pissed you off that you had to hear it. And that it seemed to come so easily to him...

It was devastating news to you when the director told you that the first day of shooting was going to be one of the sex scenes of the movie. You'd initially attempted to persuade him to move it later into the production but he had insisted that there was no need for that. The years of you and Dieter knowing, and hating, each other had been enough to build the chemistry needed for the movie. All the sexual tension was apparently already there. You’d disagreed with that last point.

When the day finally came, you were tense. More tense than usual anyway. The only thing reassuring you was the meeting you'd had with the intimacy coordinator who had told you that every detail you'd told her, everything that you didn't want to happen, would be implimented to make you as comfortable as possible.

You'd been placed in a bed, naked from the waist up and you had been there alone for longer than you should've been. After so many years you shouldn't be surprised that Dieter was late. It was sort of his specialty. The fact that this was the first day of shooting was mildly annoying however.

When he finally appeared in nothing but his underwear and a robe, the latter of which he shed as soon as he saw you waiting for him in the bed, he sent half hearted apologies to everyone in the room. When he got to you the apology was a lot more sarcastic. "And I am eternally sorry for keeping you waiting, sweetheart."

"Whatever." You rolled your eyes and let your head fall back against the pillow, teeth clenching at the sound of the pet name he’d gifted you all those years ago when you’d first met.

Dieter grinned at the reaction and crawled on top of you after both the director and the intimacy coordinator had instructed him of the positioning they wanted. His legs were between yours, an elbow on either side of your head to keep him slightly elevated so he wasn't leaning all of his body weight on you.

You avoided his eyes, having him hovering over you like this with your tits out was embarrassing. Especially when his own bare chest was so close to rubbing against yours.

Dieter lowered his head so his lips brushed against the shell of your ear. "Don't look so tense. It's okay. You're gorgeous and I won't look if you don't want me to."

That surprised you. What surprised you even more is that he looked genuine when he pulled back to meet your eyes again.

You shook your head. "It's fine."

The director suddenly cursed loudly. "Dieter, relax! We're having some issues with the mics so just do whatever for a minute."

"Sure thing, boss!" Dieter called back, sitting up and pulling the blankets up to cover you in the process. "So you don't get cold."

You sat up and clutched the blanket over your chest. "Thanks."

It was freaking you out with how nice he was being. Dieter Bravo was anything but a gentleman. Yet here he was... being almost chivalrous.

And then he winked at you. "Nice rack by the way."

Yeah, okay, you expected him to ruin it.

"Charming, Bravo. Really." You snapped.

"Just stating facts." He shrugged.

You frowned at him and looked away.

"Hey." His voice was soft.

You looked back at him.

"Sorry, it was a joke." His brown eyes were wide and apologetic.

You ran your tongue over your teeth, aggravation rippling through you. "It's fine."

He shook his head, curls bouncing against his forehead. "No, it's not. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Your frown deepened. "Isn't it your life's mission to irritate me?"

He grinned. "Irritate you? Yes. Make you uncomfortable at work? No."

Before you had the chance to reply, the microphones were fixed and the two of you were instructed to get back into places. You both settled back into position, a sigh escaping you. It was difficult to believe that this was the first thing you were filming. Not even the conversation leading up to this particular section of the scene. You questioned the director's choices.

"Right, so we know what we're doing, yeah?" Rodney called to you both.

You nodded but Dieter raised his hand like he had a question.

"I can't remember. Are we touching tits or not?"

The intimacy coordinator looked towards you for a moment for confirmation before nodding. "Yes. Touching breasts is fine, Dieter."

He hummed in acknowledgment before looking back at you as he flexed his fingers and rolled his wrists. "Gotta get the circulation going so my hands aren't too cold. Don't want your nipples freezing off."

You stared back up at him in slight shock. "That would be unfortunate, yes."

He smiled and pressed the backs of his fingers to your cheek. "That temperature okay?"

"Not nipple freezing cold."

Just maybe nipple hardening cold.

You pushed the thought from your head and gave him a nod to assure him that it was fine. "Let's just get this started."

He laughed at your clear disdain of the situation and looked towards the small group of crew members to give them the go ahead.

It went pretty smoothly. All the technology continued to work for the rest of the scene luckily and neither you nor Dieter messed up too much to call for reshoots. You simply just gave each other a lot of open mouthed, but tongueless, kisses with no emotion behind them whatsoever and made noises of satsifaction in all the right places as he groped at you gently but confidently. It was a surprisingly simple day of shooting. The director had decided that this would be all you did for the first day, wanting a few good angles that would take up a lot of time, and didn't want to push you into doing more than necessary.

When lunch rolled around, you grabbed a salad from the catering tent outside and took a seat on a table by yourself. You wanted a few moments of peace to relax before you got back into the swing of shooting. The peace was short lived as your least favourite person took a seat directly opposite you, a sandwich on his plate.

You stared at him with scorn. "I wasn't aware we did lunch together."

Dieter looked back at you amused. "Well, considering that I've felt you up now, I thought it was only fitting to grace you with my presence over a lovely meal." His eyes lowered to your salad. "Why the fuck did you get that?"

You poked at the sad plate in front of you with your fork. "It was the only thing that looked remotely fresh."

He looked at his own food. "I do have to say that my sandwich looks a few days old."

"Days?" You gasped. "Try decades!"

Dieter scoffed. "Well, some of us can't afford to eat a salad. Some of us are trying to maintain our physiques."

He was referencing the so-called dad bod he'd developed over the last few years. People loved it. His cheeks were fuller than they used to be, somehow making his dimples more pronounced when he smiled, and his stomach was now softer. It was hot. That was for sure. You held your own quiet appreciation for the way he looked. But that wasn't something you would ever voice to him. Not in a million years.

"Maybe some carbs would make you loosen up." He added on, frowning down at his sandwich now that you'd both acknowledged how it most definitely hadn't been made that day. "Get that stick out your ass."

Something in you snapped at that. You did not have a stick up your ass. You did not need to loosen up. So you did the thing you'd told yourself you wouldn't. You decided to confront him.

You played it cool at first. "How long have we known each other?"

He looked back up at you, eyes squinted in confusion. "A long time. Too long even. Why?"

"Would it be acceptable for me to ask you for a small favour?" You stirred your salad with the fork, not easily done, in an attempt to seem nonchalant.

That caught his attention, giving you his full focus as his head tilted to the side slightly. "That depends on what this small favour is."

"When you have... fun time with your... friends could you play some music? Or better yet, go back to their place? Walls are thin." You hated the words that came out of your mouth. Why didn't you just say sex? Too late now.

His eyebrows quirked at your strange terminology. "When I what?"

"You know." You waved your hand, determined to stick with it now.

"Have sex? Fuck? Bang? Screw?" He asked and you nodded. "Come on, we're both adults. You can say sex to my face. Especially since you've heard it apparently."

Your brows pushed together unhappily. "Fine. When you have sex."

"Only if you promise to play music when you fail to get yourself off when you masturbate." He finally took a bite of his sandwich and immediately grimaced.

Your heart dropped down to your stomach. "What?"

He smirked, knowing he had you. "Walls are thin. You're loud. And frustrated."

"You hear me?" You knew the walls were thin. You didn't know that they were that thin. You always tried to stay as quiet as possible.

Dieter prodded at his sandwich with his finger a final time before pushing it away. "It'd be pretty hard not to. Maybe I should introduce you to one of my friends. To help you, I mean."

"Wouldn't work." You mumbled, not really for him to hear.

His interest was piqued further. "Oh, so a full orgasm mental block then?"

You clenched your teeth together. "I hate you."

"Unfortunate considering I'm the only person capable of reading you like an open book." He grinned at you, fully sarcastic. "Hmm, maybe that's what you need actually."

"What?"

"Someone capable of reading you like a book. To see what's really working, or not working, for you." He looked you up and down quickly.

You scoffed. "You better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting."

His voice dipped down in both volume and tone. "You know I'd be better than anyone else you've ever had. You've heard my work. I'm exceptional and come highly recommended."

You looked away from him. "That's not funny, Dieter."

"You're sexually frustrated?"

You huffed. "Yes. Very."

"And I'm good at sex and know you better than anyone. Is it not a reasonable conclusion?" He threw his hands in the air as if to emphasise how obvious the solution should be.

"You're ridiculous." You hissed, pushing up from the table and storming away. You hated him. Despised him.

"The orgasms would make you feel better." He called after you.

You didn't fail to notice the use of the plural - orgasms.

Luckily for you the rest of the day consisted of close ups of just you sprawled on the bed. No Dieter needed. But you didn't fail to notice how he hovered around the set anyway and observed. His brown eyes burned into your skin for the remainder of filming.

When you were done, you retreated to your dressing room and got dressed as quickly as you could. A car was called at your request and you were back in your hotel room ordering room service before anyone even had the opportunity to invite you out for drinks to celebrate the first day of filming.

You needed to be alone. For many reasons, including the fact that you just liked your solitude. But the biggest one, the reason that had been plaguing your mind since it had been suggested to you, was the idea of sleeping with Dieter. Not being able to believe yourself at how utterly ridiculous it was, but you were seriously considering it.

You knew he was good in bed. The sex noises you'd heard through the wall didn't lie. But he was the one person in the world that you disliked more than anyone else you had ever met. So why was the idea of it playing around in your head so much?

When you heard Dieter's own hotel room door close, you were surprised that he seemed to be alone. Abnormal. For him at least. But you ignored it.

And you ignored the ache between your legs that was bothering you as you showered and changed into your pyjamas. You ignored the way your heart hammered in your chest as you crawled under the bedsheets. You ignored the fact that you were still wide awake after two hours of attemtping to fall asleep.

Well... you ignored it for another thirty minutes before you sighed to yourself and got out of bed, grabbed your room key and tiptoed to your co-star's room. You knocked once quietly and received no answer. So you knocked again, louder and more impatient this time. After a few seconds his door swung open with the quietest of creaks but loud enough to still make you wince. You weren't doing anything wrong technically but the idea of anyone finding out about this made your stomach churn.

Dieter stood there, rumpled from bed, and looked down at you confused. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he mumbled a gravelly question. "Why're you here?"

You hesitated which caught his attention, suddenly sobering up from fatigue and looking more concerned.

"You okay?”

Your jaw ticked with nerves. Fuck it, what did you have to lose? "Your offer."

"My offer?" He looked more confused than before, obviously not recalling your previous conversation.

You sighed, frustratedly. "Yes. About sleeping with you."

He blinked rapidly a couple of times. "I was only teasing. I'm sorry if I offended you-"

You interrupted him before he could go any further and ruin what confidence you'd managed to build up. "No, I'm here to take you up on it."

Dieter said nothing which was not a good sign. He loved to talk, especially to annoy you. Silence meant something bad.

"You were right. I'm sexually frustrated and can't get off. By myself or with anyone." You whispered harshly. "I think you're attractive and you're my best hope at finding out whether I'm just broken or something else is going on."

He looked down at you with softened eyes. Pity. You didn't want his pity. "I don't-"

You cut him off again. "Please."

He paused and then nodded, opening the door wider. "Okay."

You pushed past him. "No one ever finds out about this and we never talk about it again. Is that clear?"

"Crystal." He closed and locked the door behind the two of you. "For the record, I was going to say that I don't think you're broken."

"We'll determine that after you, hopefully, manage to make me come." You planted your hands on your hips.

His eyes raked over you. "You're too stressed. You're not used to casual, are you?"

"No, I can do casual with people I don't know and who definitely don't know me. And you know me too well, Dieter. So, yeah, I'm stressed. Because this-" You gestured between the two of you. "-isn't casual."

"Relax. I'm sure I'll be able to figure out what makes you tick." He smirked, sauntering closer. "I already know what you don't like."

You flinched at that statement. "How?"

"Had a very long conversation with the intimacy coordinator about what was off-limits. Apparently you had a list." A real smile broke across his face as he reached up to pull your hands from your hips, plucking your room key from your fingers and tossing it onto the vanity, before tracing his own fingers across your arms.

Heat prickled the surface of your skin. "Oh."

"Don't look so embarrassed." His hands got to your shoulders and rested there, forcing them down to relax. "Although, you could've told me yourself."

"And have you tease me? No thanks." You scoffed, looking away from him.

He hummed lowly in the back of his throat. "I like to tease you, yes. But I never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Not like that anyway and especially not at work. I told you this."

Your gaze darted back to him, to see if he was being genuine. He was.

Your eyebrows pulled up in uncertainty. "You confuse me."

"I know." His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he looked you up and down. "You confuse me too."

"How?"

His hands slid up to your neck, warm palms engulfing you. "Coming to me begging to have sex despite claiming to loathe me."

You briefly snapped out of the atmosphere he'd created with his touch and pulled back from him. "I'm not begging."

"I was joking, sweetheart. I'm sorry. You don't have to beg me for this anyway." He tugged you closer to him again.

"What do you mean?" You moved more into his hold.

He chuckled, one hand lowering to circle around your waist and dipping his head to trace the lines of your neck with the tip of his nose. "Nothing. I'm just talking to calm you and make you more pliant."

Your eyelids fluttered shut. "Touch my tits with your icicle hands again and I'm sure we'll get there eventually."

He laughed louder at that, one hand cupping your cheek as he pulled back to look at you. "Are they really that cold?"

"They were earlier. Now they're warmer." You pressed your cheek into his palm, eyes closing at the feeling.

"Leaning on them for too long fucks up my blood flow." He explained, swiping his thumb across your skin. "You're so pretty."

Your eyes shot open to meet his at that. You'd never seen him look so sincere. You'd also never felt the desire to kiss him before. Until now. "Please kiss me." You curled your fists into the front of his shirt and pulled him down to meet your eyeline.

His forehead pushed against yours. "You sure you want this?"

"Positive."

He took that and pressed his lips against yours, soft and tender, barely there. And pulled back again to gauge your reaction.

"More." You whispered, hands sliding up to thread into the hair on the back of his head.

He hummed lowly, a flicker of a smile on his face before he kissed you again. This time it was firmer and held more purpose. You'd never noticed before but Dieter smelt nice. It was comforting as he drew you into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around you. The kisses grew more heated, moving from a few pecks to being open mouthed and longer. He was a good kisser, you begrudgingly noted. Good for now but the part of you that hated him disliked that he was also gifted at this. When his tongue slid into your mouth and pressed up against yours, you tensed up. It wasn't unpleasant. Just a bit of a shock to the system.

Dieter pulled back to look down at you. "Relax. I'll look after you, I promise. Believe me?"

"Yes." You whispered and pulled him back towards you. No one had ever kissed you like this. Dieter understood you. He felt the way your muscles would shift when he did something you didn't like and would immediately pull back, quickly assess the situation and find something else you preferred. His hands lingered in places that made you feel good, kissed you enough so you felt wanted but not too much to overwhelm you. You'd never felt so safe with someone before.

And you never could have imagined the feeling that was swirling around inside you at the notion that he was touching you, kissing you. This was Dieter Bravo. The man you'd hated for years. And yet here he was, making you feel things you'd never felt before this moment. Sure, you'd acknowledged the fact that he was an attractive man when you'd first met him. But the idea of being attracted to him had never crossed your mind until recently. Very recently. It just didn't seem possible.

His hands slid down to your ass, palming the flesh there as he groaned into your mouth at the feeling. It was nice to know that he was enjoying this as well. He crowded you against him, seeming to take an impossible step closer to you.

He broke away from you momentarily. "Trust me?"

"Yes." You nodded slowly, dazed by the fact that it was true. You did trust him. With this at least anyway.

He smiled against your lips at that. "Do you want control or do you want me to take care of you?"

You pondered it for a moment. You didn't even know where you'd start with this. With him. It was an overwhelming thought. Which is why your answer was so natural.

"Take care of me please."

His responding smile was easy, soothing, as he directed you backwards towards the bed until your legs hit the frame.

"We're going to take this slow, okay? So try to have some patience." He cupped your face in his large hands, looking at you seriously.

You huffed. "I can be patient. As long as it's worth my time."

He laughed and kissed you quickly. "I'll make this worth your time."

You giggled against his mouth. "You're very confident in your abilities."

"As are you considering you're here asking me to make you come." He moved to place an open mouthed kiss on your jaw, teeth scraping against your skin. "Get on the bed."

It took a lot of self restraint for Dieter to stop himself from just picking you up and throwing you on the bed. But he promised himself he'd be gentle with you, giving you some power over the situation. After all, you'd asked him to take care of you. So that's exactly what he was going to do.

He didn't need to ask you twice by the seems of it anyway since you dropped onto the bed at his request, bouncing a couple of times before pulling your legs up and sliding yourself backwards towards the pillows. Dieter smothered a gleeful grin at how suddenly eager you seemed to be. Your enthusiam should only help your orgasm problem, as long as he got you to ease up a lot more. You were such a tense person. He tasked himself with rectifying that.

Climbing onto the bed and sitting up on his knees, Dieter looked at you breathing heavily, chest heaving as you waited for him to get closer. He couldn't quite tell if you were anxious or just turned on. He fell forward onto his hands and crawled to you, pushing you onto your back as he moved over you.

Gaze moving towards the way your breasts were straining against your sleep shirt with every inhale, he let a question roll around in his head for a couple of seconds before just deciding to ask it. "On a scale of one to ten, how horny would you say you are right now?"

Your mouth dropped open, that was the last thing you expected him to say with the way his pupils had blown wide as he stared at your chest. "A six. Maybe a seven."

He only grunted in response.

"It might be higher. I can't tell. I'm pretty nervous."

Ah, so anxiety was playing a factor in your breathing rate. Good to know, Dieter thought.

"Let's fix that." He rasped before kissing you again, not hesitating this time to let his tongue roam your mouth. He found he liked the way your legs seemed to automatically wrap around him and pull him closer over you so you were chest to chest.

Your arms wound around his neck, one hand carding through his hair. The two of you barely broke away for breath, the only sound in the room being those of your lips colliding and separating. You were surprised to find how long he kissed you without doing anything else. Most guys would be insisting on getting into your pants right about now. But Dieter hadn't done anything more than grope at your ass, and that had been when you were still standing up.

You liked kissing. Liked it a lot. Especially when the person you were kissing was good at it and seemed to enjoy it as much as you did. So this was nice. Just kissing. You hadn't kissed someone for this long since you were a teenager and still a virgin when making out seemed like the most exciting thing in the world.

You let your hands roam Dieter a little more, allowing them to drift down his back and smooth back up across his shoulders. He was so broad, you realised. How had you never realised how big he was before? He was taller than you, sure. But you had never noticed the sheer size of him before. He was broad shouldered and had large hands. It sent a pulse to your core.

He made you squeal in surprise when he managed to wrap his arms around and underneath you and flipped the two of you so you were on your sides, legs tangled together and not an inch of space between you. Despite the lack of room, you still found yourself pushing into him even more. He encouraged this by gliding a hand to the small of your back and pressing you against him. He groaned into your mouth when your pelvis moved against his, rubbing against his hard on.

Instead of pursuing that like you assumed he would, he grabbed your thigh and hooked your leg over his waist so your clothed pussy pushed against the muscle of his thigh. He could feel the heat of you through two layers of clothing, both your sleep shorts and his own pants. Then his hand slipped over to your ass where he squeezed, causing a gasp to rattle out of you into his mouth, and rocked your hips against his thigh. You felt your clit grinding against him and whined at the feeling it made ripple through you.

"Mm, good girl." He whispered against your lips and rocked you against him again.

It felt good. Better than you expected it to. So you picked up the pace yourself, letting his hand guide you as you ground yourself against his thigh desperately. The sensation was slowly building, very slowly, but it was definitely there. You didn't have the brain capacity to think about the potential orgasm sneaking up on you though as Dieter kept kissing you, despite it becoming messier as you couldn't hold back the noises he was drawing out of you. It became a simple clash of lips and tongues, teeth clacking together every few seconds, as you sought out the feeling you craved.

But it became obvious after a little while longer that it was hopeless.

You pulled back from him frustrated and let out a sound of disappointment as you pressed your forehead into his chest. "It's no use- I can't-"

"Hey, hey, hey." He cut you off, placing a finger under your chin to make you look up at him. "Don't give up now. It was close, I know it. We'll just rework and go with a different angle, okay?"

A part of you wanted to run away and forget this whole thing, hoping he wouldn't hold this against you in the future. You couldn't imagine the teasing material Dieter would come up with if he knew the fact that you couldn't come and had run away after failing to get off with him.

But the way he was looking at you, so warm and kind, had you rethinking that. This was so unlike him. So you just nodded at him.

He returned the nod, a smile on his face. "Okay. So, that felt good, didn't it?" He didn't need you to agree. The sounds you were making told him enough. "So we'll slow down and keep going from there."

You didn't exactly know what he meant by that but decided to just carry on following his lead anyway. Delighted when he kissed you again, you whimpered against his mouth as his hand returned to your ass and rocked your hips over his thigh again. But this time more gently. He kept doing that for a while, never letting the speed of it increase. And the sensation from before built steadily. You stayed calm and didn't let it overtake you, allowing Dieter to have control over the situation.

He let the sounds coming from your throat tell him when to move on to the next step. Slowly he rolled the two of you over so you were on your back again, breaking away from your mouth to start kissing down the length of your body.

You raised your head to look at him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going down on you." He said casually, finger tracing along the buttons of your shirt. "Can I take this off?"

You nodded, watching as he unfastened each button unhurriedly and sat up to help him slide it from your shoulders. "You don't have to do that. I know a lot of guys don't like that."

His head snapped up to meet your eyes, looking as if you'd just shot him. "Who the fuck have you been sleeping with?" He asked with disgust, hands landing on your chest and immediately kneading the flesh of your tits.

Your mouth dropped open at the feeling, head dropping back onto the pillows. "Guys not worth my time apparently."

"You're right about that." Dieter mumbled, flicking his tongue over one of your nipples. "I happen to love eating pussy."

"Noted." You sighed, toes curling as he sucked the nipple into his mouth.

After spending a considerable amount of time worshipping your chest, including lots of babbling about how fucking soft you were, Dieter finally decided to carry on with his journey downwards. He tugged at the string of your sleep shorts, ribbon unravelling and leaving the waistband loose.

He glanced up at you with the silent question of asking permission to take the shorts off which you nodded at. He smirked and slid them down your legs with the aid of you arching yourself up to help him, pleased when he saw you weren’t wearing panties. The smirk grew into a smile that could only compared to that of the Cheshire Cat when he saw how wet you were.

"All this from just rubbing yourself against my thigh. Lucky me."

"Don't make fun of me." You grumbled, glaring at him.

He tutted, pushing your thighs apart to get a better look. "I'm not, sweetheart, I promise. I can't wait to taste you."

You had no time to reply as he rubbed a thumb across you, spreading your arousal across your slit and up to your clit where he circled a couple of times. Flattening himself onto his stomach so his face was level with your pussy, Dieter placed a tentative lick on your clit. When a broken cry escaped you, he took it as a sign to keep going. Licking a long stripe up, gathering your wetness on his tongue, Dieter let out a moan of his own. You tasted better than he anticipated. It was going to take a lot for him to not bury his face against you and suffocate himself.

Instead he chose to lick against your clit a couple more times, liking the way your back arched up off the bed at the feeling. Slowly, he sucked the bundle of nerves into his mouth and revelled at the strangled whimper that left you, a hand flying into his hair to pull him closer. Dieter groaned as you tugged on the brown strands. Focusing on your clit for a while, he chose to test something else. He slid a finger into you, feeling your thighs tense on either side of his head. And not in a good way. So he removed the finger and chose to continue just suckling on your clit instead.

You weren't quite there yet and that was okay. He was fine with using just his mouth and tongue for the moment. You started writhing under him anyway, which was a good sign in his mind, so he flattened a hand over your stomach to keep you still.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." You gasped, pulling on his hair even harder. You were close, moving to the brink with every move Dieter made, and you both knew it.

Dieter just wondered what would get you there. He could see out of the corner of his eye that the hand that wasn't in his hair was grasping at the sheets beneath you. So he reached out to take it in his. And so with one of his hands on your stomach to keep you still and one of yours looped through his hair, the free hands that each of you had finding each other and linking, fingers lacing together, that was all it took to have you crashing over the edge.

Your thighs trembled on either side of his head as you practically screamed his name, hand pushing his face into you as your hips moved against him of their own accord. The orgasm pulsed through you, seeming almost never ending, as Dieter crawled back up the length of your body and placed kisses all over your face.

When you finally returned back down to Earth, you opened your eyes and blinked up at him. You couldn’t believe he’d managed it. "You are fucking good at this."

He shook his head and chuckled. "That was the easy part. What's next is the real test."

"Easy- next- what?" You were beyond confused. He'd made you come. His task was complete. What was he talking about?

"The majority of women get off easier with oral. Penetrative sex isn't as likely to make a woman come." He explained, sitting up and reaching off the side of the bed to open a drawer in his nightstand and retrieve a condom. "These are cherry flavoured, is that okay? Or do you have an allergy to flavoured lube? Shit, or a latex allergy?"

You swallowed thickly. "You're going to fuck me? Like actually fuck me?"

"Look at you managing to say fuck. Big turn around from fun time or whatever shit you said to me this afternoon." He shook his head as he chuckled. "But yes, sweetheart. I am going to fuck you. Unless you don't want me to. And in that case I'll have to politely ask you to excuse me so I can go jerk off in the bathroom. But I think it'll be nice. Another orgasm never hurts."

The two of you held eye contact for a moment as he waited for you to respond. The idea of another orgasm had you wanting more.

"No allergies to flavoured lube or latex here." You said, reaching out to grab at his t-shirt to pull him over you again.

"I'm so glad to hear that because this is all I've got." He breathed against your mouth before kissing you.

Your hands slid to the hem of his t-shirt, sliding it up slowly and over his head when he broke away from you momentarily to take it off. Your hands immediately landed on his chest, nails raking down his torso onto his stomach and then your fingers hooked into his waistband. Dieter gave you the go ahead to tug the pants down with a low hum and kicked them off his feet without pulling away from your mouth for a second.

You didn't need to look to know that Dieter was big considering all of him was suddenly pressed up against you. You found it fascinating to know that the rumours of him being hung like a horse were, in fact, very true.

You broke away from the kiss when you felt the full length of him hot and heavy against your stomach. "Fuck me, you're huge."

Dieter looked down between your bodies. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. "Thanks."

You met his eyes again. "I somehow hate you even more now."

He just burst out into laughter. Now that was new.

"It's not fair that you're good at eating pussy and also have a horse cock. A guy should only have one of those assets. Having both is like having too much power." You groaned, reaching down to take him in your hand.

His laughter abruptly cut off at the feeling of your fingers wrapping around him, head dropping down to meet your shoulder. "Fuck, think it's time to be inside you now."

"That'd be good." You mumbled, watching him as he pushed up onto his knees and ripped the condom open, rolled it down onto his himself with ease and pumped his dick a couple times. The last part was unnecessary considering he was rock hard and not softening anytime soon without coming.

Dieter grabbed the tops of your thighs and used them as leverage to pull you towards him so the two of you aligned. Taking his length in his fist, he slapped the tip against your clit a few times before sliding it up and down your slit, combining the cherry lube with the wetness left behind by your previous orgasm. Notching himself at your entrance, he made eye contact with you for one last bit of confirmation. When he found it, he pushed into you.

He slid in easier than expected, the two of you sighing deeply at the feeling as he leaned over you again. He pulled out slowly after a moment, the clench of your walls making him shudder, and then thrust back in again.

"Does that feel good?" He asked you, needing to check in.

Your legs wrapped around him, forcing him in even deeper somehow. "Fuck yes."

"I'm glad. Because this is heavenly for me." He told you, taking your pleasured expression as an invitation to set up a steady pace. Nothing too fast otherwise he'd be finishing this earlier than he wanted to, but enough to make the both of you feel good.

But you were impatient. "Dieter, faster."

"Sweetheart, if I go any faster then I'm going to blow my load prematurely and I really don't want that. And I’m sure you don’t either."

"I thought you were a veteran at this. Should be able to last longer than two minutes." You quipped back.

He huffed out a laugh. "I was close to jizzing in my pants when we were making out so trust me when I say this is overwhelmingly good for me right now. Besides, gotta make you orgasm again first."

With that statement, he slid a hand between your bodies and rubbed tight circles onto your clit, completely out of pace with the way he was moving in and out of you. The discrepancy between the two sensations had your brain going haywire and you clutched at his face to get him to kiss you again. He groaned into your mouth when you clenched around him again, finally moving a little faster.

As much as Dieter wanted to go slow with you, he could feel how much you craved more. So he picked up the pace and went a little harder, pausing momentarily when the headboard hit the wall and you let out a delighted noise at the sound.

"Oh, you like that?" He asked, mouth dropping open when you nodded rapidly. "Yeah?"

"Yes, Dieter. Oh, my god, yes." You gasped, nails clawing at his shoulders with the need to hold onto something.

"Dirty fucking girl, liking the headboard slamming against the wall." He realised something. "You could hear it when I was in here with other people, couldn't you?"

You could do nothing but confess. "Yes, oh my- fuck!" You were cut off by your own expletive as he rammed back into you, hitting a spot that no one else had even come close to reaching before.

"Wanted to get it as good, huh?" He asked, digging his fingers into the flesh of your thighs as the pace of his thumb increased on your clit. "Promised I'd make it good for you, didn't I?"

You nodded, words escaping you as tears streamed from your eyes.

"Come on, sweetheart. I can feel it. You're going to come for me again, aren't you?" He watched as you attempted to answer him, only managing a few babbled words of agreement. "What do you need? What's going to make you come all over my cock?"

You still couldn't form a coherent sentence as his harsh thrusts had you moving up and down the bed, your tits bouncing in rhythm. So you placed a hand on either of his cheeks and pulled him into a messy kiss, your tongue curling against his. That was what it took to make you orgasm again, a wail leaving your throat and tumbling into Dieter's mouth as your thighs trembled and your walls fluttered around him. The feeling of that sent him over the edge too, a couple more pumps before he was spilling himself into the condom.

Neither of you broke away from the kiss for a moment as you calmed down, sweat pooling between you as he slowly pulled out and the kisses turned sweeter and more innocent. Dieter eventually climbed off of the bed and threw the condom in the trash before crawling back to you.

"What are you doing?" You asked as he settled over you again.

"More making out for a minute." He replied simply, placing his lips over yours.

It lasted longer than a minute, that was for sure. But neither of you were complaining. By the time he decided to pull away again, your legs had stopped shaking with the aftershocks of the orgasm and your breathing had slowed to a normal rate.

Dieter looked down at you pleased with what he'd managed to achieve as a question crossed his mind. "I'm curious... when was the last time you orgasmed?"

You shrugged as the two of you sat up in the bed. "I can't remember."

"Okay, when was the last time you made yourself come? Give me an estimate." He waved his hand around in the air.

You thought about it. "A few months maybe."

He frowned, that was too long in his opinion. "And when was the last time a guy made you come?"

You hesitated before shaking your head.

The frown deepened. "What does that mean?"

You took a deep breath before answering. "Never."

His eyes darkened, lids becoming hooded. "Never?"

"No."

"I'm the first?" He didn't seem to believe you.

But you were insistent. "Yeah."

"Okay, lie back down." He said, poking at your chest to get you to rest against the pillows.

You let out a confused laugh. "What? Why?"

"Because I'm getting another fucking orgasm out of you."

You shook your head, attempting to stay sitting up. "You don't need to. You've done enough."

"Two. You've been given two orgasms by men. Both of which are from me. I need at least a third before I let you leave this room." He stretched his arms out and started moving down the bed. "Besides, you taste good and I already want to go down on you again."

"Dieter, you don't have to do that for me- oh."

He looked smug as he brushed your clit with his thumb, effectively cutting you off.

"Okay, maybe one more won't hurt." You relented, collapsing onto the pillows.

"Excellent." He chirped in response, literally diving in head first into your cunt again with a long lick up your slit. He groaned lowly, looking up at you as he pulled away. "We're gonna have to do this again sometime."

You froze. "What? Why?"

"Because I said I wanted to taste you again but all I'm getting right now is the cherry lube from the condom." He sounded disappointed.

"Sounds delicious, actually." You hummed, pushing yourself up on your elbows so you could see him better.

"Not as delicious as you, fuck." Despite the obvious discontentment, Dieter still went back to licking at you like there was no tomorrow. And it didn't take long for another orgasm to hit you, his skilled tongue combined with the leftover influence of the previous two.

When he made his way up the bed and landed next to you with his eyes closed, you took it as your cue to leave. So you slid out of the bed and started searching for your pyjamas.

"Where are you going?"

You stilled and stiffly turned to look at Dieter. Wasn't it obvious? "Back to my room."

His brow wrinkled "You don't have to go."

You straightened up, suddenly very aware of your nakedness. "I'm not spending the night."

He rolled his eyes. "I wasn't suggesting that, I figured as much. I do, however, strongly believe in this little thing called aftercare.”

"Oh." You hadn't considered that.

"Interested?"

Yes. "Maybe."

He rolled his eyes again, smile still firmly planted on his face, and opened his arms for you. "Get back over here."

You did as he said, easily finding yourself in his embrace as he stroked patterns up and down your back. Some time later he went to get a washcloth from the bathroom to clean away the mess that the cherry lube had made between your thighs, before slipping back into bed next to you.

Despite both of you insisting that you'd go back to your room any minute, you didn't move out of his arms. And eventually the two of you fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

A/N: I chose to write this rather than one of my final essays of the uni year… you’re welcome.

[halstudandruz]

Research Purposes (NSFW)

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Bearded Jay Smut

Warnings: swearing, smut (18+)

A/N: I know the timeline is off but just go with it.

Sitting at the bar, you couldn’t help where your eyes wandered across the room. You were at Trudy and Mouch’s wedding, and even though it was a joyous occasion you were kind of ready to go home from the start. The night before you had discovered your ex-fiancé and the new girl in intelligence were dating, and it was safe to say you were drowning in your sorrows. You and Adam had been broken up for almost a year, but you still loved him and in the back of your mind you just hoped time would give you both the perspectives you needed and you would be back together. You had no right to be upset, but you were having trouble convincing yourself of that. The night was starting to wind down, as you downed a shot. You had held it together for Trudy wanting her to have the best day ever, but since they had left a few minutes prior you were ready to get drunk enough you couldn’t remember your own name.

“You know the longer you sit still the harder it’s gonna hit when you stand.” Jay teased sliding in next to you.

“Good.” You sighed, turning around to take another drink.

“Well in an effort to ensure I don’t have to carry you out of here would you like to dance?” He asked, holding his hand out to you. Contemplating for a minute he smiled when you took a hold of his hand following him out to the dance floor. Frank Sinatra played in the background while his hands slowly moved to rest on your hips. You and Jay were friends. You worked together and were around each other a lot. You got along well, and you weren’t afraid to admit he was an attractive guy, but you had always been locked in on Adam. So, your friendship never even toed the line. You never even thought about it, until tonight.

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say you found out.” Jay whispered into your ear looking down at you.

“Found out about what?” You eyed him curiously until he nodded towards where Hailey and Adam sat laughing together.

“Wait..you know?” He nodded, “How long has it..?”

“I only found out a week or two ago so it probably hasn’t been that long.” He shrugged,“How’d you find out?” He continued. Sighing your hands rested on his chest.

“Today was actually supposed to be Adam and I’s wedding day. Before we decided to push it. So, I kind of went down a dark hole after the rehearsal dinner and went to see him. When he answered the door I saw her come out of his room.” You chewed on your lip.

“Oh fuck. What’d you do?” He pried.

“I made some excuse about not being able to find something I needed for today so I thought I might’ve accidentally left it there when I moved out or left or whatever. I was just going to leave, but then I had to pretend to look for it, and when I went into his room a bunch of her stuff was there. You know in the dresser I used to use.” You recounted the night before swallowing hard.

“That sounds awful. I’m sorry.” He shook his head pulling you closer as he moved a hand to rub your back.

“Yeah it wasn’t my finest moment. I’ve been avoiding him all day,” you chuckled blinking tears away, “How are you feeling about it?” You looked up at him hoping to shift the focus off you.

“What do you mean? Why would I care?” He masked.

“Come on Jay.” You scoffed giving him a look.

“I don’t have any say in what or who she does.” He said.

“How do you let it roll off you so easily? Not let it bother you?” You wondered.

“I want her to be happy, and wishing that I was the one over there isn’t going to do anything for either of us.” He shrugged nonchalantly, “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have fun too right?” He continued.

“I don’t know. I guess.” You replied.

“You do, and that is why you’re out here dancing with me.” He smiled, spinning you effortlessly, causing you to laugh. You and Jay would spend the next hour talking and dancing letting your minds push away the two people across the room.

Jay and you were caught up in conversation, your bodies practically up against each other causing heat to surface on your face at the feeling of his hands holding you close. His tie now hung loosely on his shoulders, the top few buttons of his dress shirt open, and his sleeves had been rolled up allowing you to see the veins throughout them. You had never realized how attractive he actually was until you were this close, eyes counting the freckles that covered his face.

“Incoming.” he mumbled looking over your shoulder; breaking you out of your thoughts. You turned to see Adam walking towards you.

“No no no.” You whined hands gripping Jay’s shoulders tighter. Adam clearing his throat when he reached you,

“May I cut in?” He asked, looking between the two of you. A glint of confusion present in his face. Jay’s eyes shifted from him to you, registering your panic of having to face him right now.

“Uh actually I just offered to take her home. We were just heading out.” Jay attempted to save you.

“Oh well we’re going to be going right past your place we could just drop you off so Jay doesn’t have to go out of his way, and I’d actually really like to talk to you for a sec-“ Adam started to grab your hand.

“No it’s all good. No big deal. I already promised her I would.” Jay stepped slightly in front of you.

“Yeah I’m just going to go grab my coat and say bye to Sylvie. See you on Monday.” You pointed walking off to leave Adam and Jay alone on the dance floor. “You didn’t have to do that.” You smiled softly when Jay fell back by your side.

“He shouldn’t get what he wants all the time.” Jay shrugged.

“So is the ride offer actually on the table?” You asked.

“Of course.” He smiled helping you put your jacket on before pulling his on and heading out to his truck.

Walking outside you had made it almost to his truck ensuring you were far enough away from the door that people wouldn’t be watching before grabbing onto his arm to stop him. This could be a terrible, horrible idea, but that thought didn’t seem to over power your want.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, turning to face you where you leaned against the brick wall.

“You know I had every intention of waking up tomorrow either horribly hungover, or in someone else’s bed, and considering you prevented the latter..” You trailed off looking up at him.

“Are you serious?” He asked after a few seconds of silence.

“I’ve been holding out, hoping for something to change with him. I’m done waiting around.” You admitted weakly.

“I don’t want to just be some outlet to make Adam jealous.” He shook his head.

“This isn’t about him. This is about me and what I want. For once.” You laid a hand against his neck.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” He whispered stepping closer to lay a hand against the cold brick, body just inches away from yours.

“Jay, I am going home with someone tonight, and I really hope it’s you.” You bargained. You hadn’t done this in months, and you were just ready to let all the pent up need out. Jay searched your face for hesitation before leaning in to capture your lips. You quickly responded, hands wrapping around his neck to pull his body against yours. Letting him take control of the kiss when his fingers moved to tightly grasp your jaw. Tongue slipping into your mouth in time with the movement. You hummed when he nipped at your lip pulling away to take heavy breaths.

“My place?” He whispered lips almost up against yours again. Nodding quickly you reached into his coat pocket fishing out the keys to unlock the vehicle. Chuckling he took them from you opening the passenger door to help you in before walking to the drivers side and starting the truck. You could see him looking at you from the corner of his eye as you chewed on your bottom lip appreciating his features lit up from the street lights. He turned to wink at you before putting the truck into drive and heading towards his apartment.

The silence was tense and a little bit awkward as you started to second guess your forwardness. You weren’t just using him to get back at Adam, right? You were a grown woman and you had needs. Needs that hadn’t been met in far too long, and the person that was going to satisfy them just so happened to be your co-worker from the same unit. That’s all. It was all coincidence. Plus Jay was hot. Everyone knew that. Why couldn’t you enjoy that fact when the opportunity presented itself? “What’s going on in that head of yours?” Jay asked jarring you out of your thoughts.

“Nothing. I just..I don’t know. Kinda embarrassed.” You admitted shrugging.

“Why?” He questioned grabbing a hold of your hand.

“I could’ve approached that better instead of acting like a horny teenager.” You laughed looking down.

“I would be lying if I wasn’t hoping you’d say something though.” He looked over at you grinning.

“What?” You looked at him confused.

“I mean you’re obviously beautiful and I thought we had a great night together, but I didn’t want to overstep bounds or make it awkward. I was just hoping you picked up the same vibe I was catching. I’m not the greatest at saying what I want.” He chuckled. Shaking your head you looked down smiling to yourself, feeling a little lighter in the knowledge that he wanted you too. Lifting the center console up you scooted closer to him. “Well hello.” He smirked, hand falling onto your thigh.

“I like your beard.” You smiled running your fingers through it. The last time you had seen him with one was when Erin left, and the only time before that was when he had been kidnapped. Remembering the bruises that accompanied the facial hair. Tracing his face where they had healed completely.

“Yeah?” He replied smiling at the gentleness of your hands as you admired his face.

“Yeah, I think you should keep it.” You voiced your opinion.

“Maybe I will.” He squeezed your thigh when you leaned over to lay soft kisses along his neck, nipping at his ear as you moved your palm over the crotch of his jeans. You felt his breath hitch at the movement, letting out a low growl when your lips attached right below his ear, heel of your hand pressing down simultaneously. “Oh god, I can’t wait to get you inside.” Jay whispered, breaths becoming labored at the insistent pressure of your hand. Quickly pulling into the parking garage of his apartment two minutes later. Putting the truck into park he let his eyes fall shut, head falling back onto the rest his hips finally moving up in time with the movement of your palm. The sight before you and the feeling of his obvious arousal already causing moisture to gather between your legs. Giving him a couple more rocks of pressure before slipping your hand up his shirt to rest on his stomach.

“Jay?” You whispered pressing a gentle kiss against his jaw, his facial hair tickling your nose. He turned his head to look at you, pupils already visibly darker than before. “I want you.” You stated. He grinned giving you a quick but hard kiss before shutting his truck off and guiding you towards the elevator. Pushing you against the wall as soon as the doors closed mouth molding over yours, hands bracketing you in against the wall. “Mmm.” You hum when his lips start to trail down your jaw. “Someone could walk in.” You remind him head falling back to give him more access. The dinging as you pass each floor prevalent in the background.

“Don’t care.” He growls lifting one of your legs to rest on his hips, fingers moving up your thigh, starting to move your panties to the side when the elevator comes to a stop on his floor. “I don’t think it’s ever moved that fast before.” He joked letting your leg down and grabbing ahold of your hand to pull you towards his apartment before pulling his keys out to unlock it and ushering you inside. “Do you want anything to drink?” He asked casually as he set his keys down slipping off his shoes, ridding your heels in the process you giggled stepping towards him to take the lapels of his jacket in your hands.

“I’m definitely thirsty but not for water.” You winked pulling him back towards your lips, before you pushed the jacket off his shoulders. Beginning to unbutton his dress shirt his hands moved down to your ass, lips breaking from yours long enough for him to whisper,

“Jump.” You let him pick you up, shedding his shirt on the way towards his bedroom.

“You have too many clothes on.” You sighed when he laid you down on the end of his bed tugging the bottom of his shirt. Laughing he stood up to pull it over his head for you.

“You haven’t taken one piece of clothing off and I’m the one that’s wearing too much?” He teased falling back on top of you.

“Lucky for you, you’ll find there’s next to no obstacles once this comes off.” You snapped the strap of your dress. Jay eyes trailed down your body slowly, hands following as he pulled you up to slide the zipper down slowly, lips falling to your collarbone in the process.

“Tell me if this is okay.” He hesitated sliding the straps down.

“It’s okay, Jay.” You voiced helping him pull the tight dress from your body. Face instantly blushing when you looked up to see his eyes wandering all over you, left in only your panties.

“You’re fucking gorgeous.” He complimented hands squeezing your hips.

“Your voice is really sexy when you’re turned on.” You blurted out, causing Jay to laugh.

“Well I can assure you I am in fact very turned on right now.” He grinned nuzzling your neck.

“Can I..?” You asked tugging on the button of his pants popping it open when you felt him nod. He breathed a quiet sigh at the pressure being released when you opened his zipper, pushing them to the ground with his help. He returned back on top of you leaning down to press his mouth to yours, moving slowly to appreciate the action. In no hurry for this to end. Your hand trailed from his chest to his stomach, tip of your finger sneaking under the hem of his boxers. His hips involuntarily bucking at the anticipation, coaxing your mouth open with his tongue. Reaching further down you took a hold of him giving him an experimental squeeze earning a groan against your lips. Beginning to slowly move your hand his forehead fell against yours eyes closing while his hips began to move in rhythm. Swiping your thumb across the tip, gathering the precum that had started to leak out. He watched as you brought it to your mouth, licking it off your finger to enjoy the taste of him. Breath hitching at the sight, seemingly flipping a switch in him as he lunged forward capturing your wrists and forcing them above your head, his lips capturing yours in a bruising kiss. Roughly biting at your lip before moving down your body. Stopping first at your chest. His teeth nipped at the skin, laying soft kisses all over before taking ahold of your left breast tongue swirling around your nipple. Other hand pinching and rolling the right between his fingers. Swallowing a moan your legs opened further letting him slide between them more comfortably. His mouth moved farther south as his fingers gently started to make soft circles to your center outside of your underwear. Sighing your hips moved slightly trying to get more pressure as you felt Jay smile against your hip bone. Teasingly his fingers fumbled with the side of your underwear occasionally swiping his finger inside while his mouth bit and sucked the inside of your thighs no doubt leaving a few marks. “Oh, yeah you’re keeping the beard.” Your fingertips dug into his head, goosebumps rising at the rough feeling of his facial hair against your thighs, jaw tightening, not wanting to make a sound.

“[Y/N] [Y/L/N], are you insinuating we will be doing this again?” He looked up at you, eyebrow raised, cocky smirk on his lips.

“Stop talking.” You ordered, face going a little red.

“If I remember correctly you just said my voice was sexy.” He quipped.

“And if I remember correctly you were in the middle of something.” You pushed his head back down.

“As you wish.” He winked teeth grazing the inside of your thigh as he moved closer and closer to your core. Your legs were starting to shake at the anticipation, your mind picturing your juices covering his mouth and throughout his beard.

“Jay, please.” You actually whined when he laid a kiss on your clit outside of your panties.

“I just wanted to hear you say my name. I can tell you’re trying to hold back, but all I want is to hear you [Y/N]. Helps me figure out the best way to make you feel good.” He admitted hooking his fingers into your panties and slowly sliding them down your legs before tossing them to the floor, “Let me hear you baby. Let me know I’m doing a good job.” He reminded you before his mouth connected to your center, eliciting a moan that you wouldn’t have been able to hold back even if you tried.

“Such a pretty sound, sweetheart.” He commented, before his tongue swirled around your clit, gently sucking it. Head falling back you let yourself give into every sensation. The way his hands pinned your hips down, preventing you from moving. The way his tongue worked you so soft and smooth like he did the research on exactly how your pussy was structured so he could hit every sweet spot imaginable. The way he pushed a finger in slightly curling it up to perfectly hit your g-spot over and over again while his tongue flicked against your clit. The way his stubble burned against your thighs only heightening the realization that this was Jay. Jay Halstead: your co-worker, friend, and apparently now fuck buddy. Your legs started to shake, hips trying their hardest to fight their way out of his grasp, uncontrollable noises flowing from your lips, knot growing tighter with each tap of your sweet spot.

“J-Jay.” You warned, hoping he could hear your voice that was barely there. Your fingers tightening in his hair, the other one moving down to his cheek, thumb rubbing over the roughness.

“Go ahead, sweetheart.” He encouraged fingers moving faster, tongue licking harder. This was Jay Halstead and he was eating you out like no tomorrow, and with that thought your thighs came up to trap his head, back arching as you screamed out the knot inside of you unraveling hard.

Legs falling back apart you released him and Jay made his way back up your body. Kissing you, taste of yourself covering his mouth. “That was beautiful.” He smirked, cupping your cheek.

“That was incredible, how did you even learn how to do that? It’s like you knew my body better than I do.” You laughed still a little light headed.

“Everyone is different. You just have to pay attention to the signs. For example I already know you’re not going to be able to cum from just penetration. Just like you have a hard time cumming from just oral. You need the best of both worlds. I always knew you were high maintenance.” He joked.

“You already have me all figured out.” You rolled your eyes, but. what he was saying was true. You don’t know how he came to the conclusion, but you weren’t about to complain.

“If you want to stop here I completely understand. We don’t-“ He started to say when you cut him off.

“And deprive myself of discovering whether your dick game is as good as your head? No thank you.” You grinned starting to push his boxers down.

“Well I could never live with myself if I left you wondering.” He shrugged, getting up to push the last remaining piece of clothing between you two to the ground before reaching over to fish a condom out of his nightstand. You took a hold of him again, twisting your hand up and down his shaft to make sure he was fully ready. He ripped the condom open with his teeth, rolling it on with your help. “You’re absolutely sure about this?” He asked again, positioning his dick at your entrance.

“Yes, completely.” You nodded.

“Just tell me if you want to stop at any point.” He reiterated, leaning down the rest of the way to kiss you when he started to push in. Groaning you focused on his tongue slipping into your mouth knowing the pain would subside soon, and a few short thrusts later the pleasure started to seep in.

“Ahh fuck.” You moaned relaxing into him.

“That’s my girl.” He smiled feeling the way you loosened more for him still making small movements, knowing there was no way he would be able to go hard right away, but within a few strokes your pussy started to clench him even harder than before. “Baby, you gotta loosen up for me or I’m not gonna be able to move at all without blowing it.” He groaned biting his lip, hips shuttering.

“I’m sorry you just feel so good.” You cried, it wasn’t your fault. Well not really anyway you had a hard time controlling it.

“Okay okay okay.” You closed your eyes, begging yourself to relax when he hit your g-spot for the first time. “Shit!” You cursed nails digging into his shoulder blades. “Right there. Again. Please.” You informed him, but you knew he was already aware as he hit it again before you were finished talking. He took one of your legs positioning it on his shoulder as he bracketed himself above you. Hitting harder this time, earning a loud moan from you. “Jay, faster. Please baby.” You begged.

“You feel incredible [Y/N]. I’m gonna cum so hard. Jay moaned above you.

“Your dick feels amazing babe. I love that I get to make you cum.” You reciprocated attempting to move with him. His thumb moved down to start rubbing circles on your clit in time with his long thrusts. “I h-hope you think a-ahhh-about this every time you - fuck - see me at w-work this week.” You got out between heavy breaths.

“I’m not going to be able to think about a-anything else baby. How f-fucking good you taste. How much I loved being between your legs e-eating you up. How good your pussy feels s-stretched around my cock. Holy fuck [Y/N] I’m so fucking close. Fuck fuck fuck, [Y/N].” He screamed louder with each word, collapsing onto you as he worked through his high, but you were already gone. Pulsating around his dick the minute he reminded you how good he looked between your thighs. Opening your eyes just in time for you to watch his orgasm and to catch your name falling off his lips with a few curse words.

“Is it true?” You asked after a few minutes of silence, heavily breathing being the only sounds that filled the room.

“Is what true?” He replied confused when he started to pull out of you before carefully disposing of the filled condom.

“You’re going to think all that stuff when you look at me this week?” You explained, causing him to chuckle still breathless.

“Maybe not every time, but I’d confidently wager 80% of the time.” He smirked rolling over to kiss you, “unless you don’t want me to?”

“Well it wouldn’t be fair for me to be thinking about it and not give you permission to as well.” You shrugged, knowing full well this wasn’t disappearing from your mind anytime soon. You got up to use the restroom as Jay cleaned himself the rest of the way.

“Is he bigger than me?” Jay asked, when you walked back into the room.

“I am not answering that question.” You laughed loudly laying back down beside him.

“Why not? It’s for research purposes. You know purely for your benefit.” He smirked down at you.

“Oh yeah? How so?” You urged.

“I just gotta know the level of game I have to bring. Should I be more focused on the motion or does the size make up for it?” He gestured south.

“Motion is always more important than size.” You rolled your eyes.

“I don’t think that’s true.” Jay scrunched his eyebrows,“Next time this happens I’ll just use my finger and remind you of what you just said.”

“I said it was more important. I didn’t say it’s not important at all, but I can assure you the level of game you brought tonight is better than I could’ve imagined.” You smiled completely satisfied.

“I totally am.” He decided, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“So what’s the plan here?” You changed the subject.

“I think that all depends on what you want.” Jay answered.

“Well..I’m not going to deny this was fun and you did say I need to have more fun.” You shrugged sheepishly.

“So then we keep having fun.” Jay said simply.

“But we need ground rules.” You laid your chin on his chest looking up at him.

“Okay..” He looked down at you waiting for you to continue.

“Like I don’t know..is this purely friends with benefits? Do we go out for dinner sometimes? Do I bring you coffee in the morning?” You started to list the things running through your head.

“If you want to bring me coffee and dinner, who am I to tell you no?” He joked causing you to sigh.

“Jay, I’m serious.” You pushed.

“Can’t we just kind of roll with it?” He asked, hand rubbing up and down your back.

“I guess I’m just scared of what will happen if they find out.” You admitted.

“So what if they do?” He seemed unfazed.

“You’re not concerned at all how Hailey would react?” You asked.

“I like her. I really do. That’s not a secret, but she’s sleeping with Adam. Why should we have to wait around and agonize over it? You deserve to be just as happy as he does [Y/N].” He tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“What if this turns into some fanfiction shit where we end up having feelings for each other?” You giggled.

“Well then I hope the author writes us a happy ending.” He smiled kissing you on the forehead. “Now I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired after that performance.” He yawned. You agreed, waiting for him to slide further down into his bed before pulling you back into his side, your head falling back down on his chest.

“Promise me you’re not going to freak out in the morning.” He whispered kissing the top of your head after a few minutes of silence.

“I promise.” You replied kissing his chest before letting his heartbeat lull you to sleep.

Waking up the next morning you felt the heat before your eyes even opened. Quickly registering that you were laying on someone. Slowly opening your eyes you looked around the semi dark room, black out curtains trying to reduce the amount of light peeking through. You knew who it was, but you had to confirm it. Gently sitting up you were met with Jay’s figure still sleeping beside you. Oh shit. You started to panic, memories of the night before suddenly flooding your mind. Remembering the things you did, the things you said. Eyes darting around the room you started to contemplate an escape. You’d sneak out and pretend like this never happened. That’s probably what Jay would want you to do anyway and-

“Lay back down and stop freaking out.” Jay grumbled beside you, eyes still closed. You reached for the sheet to cover your still bare body.

“How did you even-“ You began to ask causing Jay to smirk.

“I’m a detective for a reason, [Y/L/N]. Come back to sleep.” He urged pulling you back into his chest.

“It’s probably just a better idea if I leave.” You sat back up causing him to sigh heavily.

“You promised me you weren’t going to freak out.” Jay reminded you.

“I’m not freaking out.” You tried to defend, voice squeaking a little.

“Then stop biting your lip.” He challenged. Stopping your actions you looked over to still see his eyes closed.

“Okay seriously how the hell-“ You started

“I know you better than you think.” He opened his eyes to look up at you, dark circles obvious under them reminding you of late the two of you were up last night a blush covering your cheeks at the thought. “What’s going on, what are you thinking about at 6:30 in the morning?” He asked, looking at you like you were crazy after seeing the time on his alarm clock.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged looking away from him.

“C’mon talk to me.” He pushed sitting up to face you where you clung tight to the sheet that was also still covering him up to his hips.

“I just said a lot of stuff last night that’s kinda embarrassing looking back on it now.” You admitted remembering distinctly how you encouraged him to fuck you.

“Like?” He urged making you groan.

“I am not answering that.” You shook your head looking around the room for any piece of clothing.

“I can’t think of a single thing that didn’t sound incredible coming out of your mouth.” He shrugged just as you found a shirt slipping it on before realizing it was his.

“It’s probably just a good idea for me to leave.” You sighed contemplating what to do.

“We’ve gotten like 3 hours of sleep. Please lay back down.” He looked at you with puppy dog eyes.

“Jay.” You sighed running a hand down your face.

“Just come back to bed and let me cook you breakfast later. Then if you want to leave you can.” He bargained, voice still raspy from lack of sleep. Your mind was all over the place. You did want to be here, and last night was great and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t hoping for a morning encore. That’s what friends with benefits were for right? But how would this end? You just didn’t want to get hurt again somehow, but maybe that was just something you had to risk.

“Only if you make French toast.” You reasoned making him grin.

“That can be arranged.” He lifted his arms to pull you back to his chest.

“Your voice is sexy in the morning too.” You whispered after a few minutes, hoping he was asleep already.

“I think it’s a little worn out from all the sounds you had me making last night.” He retorted making you giggle.

NSFW Taglist:

@beautiful-bunny89 @justadreamxx @grettiwrites @life-treatments @weepingfestivalmentality @toomuchtv95 @malrunaway @queen-of-arda

[calpalirwin]

Spotlight

Summary: Ashton gets back to his craft

Word Count: 2.3k

And away, and away we go!

__

To say that watching Ashton under a year and a half of quarantine and uncertainty was difficult would be an understatement. Watching him ride out his lowest lows as he chased for the slightest high broke your heart in ways you didn’t know were possible. Sure, there were the moments when you thought he was pulling himself out of his personal pit of hell- the immediate release of CALM a week into lockdown, the creation of Superbloom and its release, along with the mini virtual concert. But oftentimes your usually happy-go-lucky sweetheart of a boyfriend was incredibly short-tempered, the smallest of things igniting a wildfire of frustration that tested both your patience and relationship with him. 

It was a tense year and a half, filled with screaming matches, tears falling like broken glass, and slamming doors. But it was also a year and a half of heartfelt confessions, new routines allowing for renewed intimacy, and selfish desires that the time would stay stopped.

Oh, but the way he lit up like the sky on the 4th of July when he learned the news that he could go back into the studio with his boys? Worth every damn thing watching his grin as he circled the date on the calendar in a wide streak of black Sharpie. 

And when those studio days turned into rehearsal days? You thought he’d fall apart as he tried to spit out the words. 

“BABE!” Ashton’s voice boomed the second the front door opened, loud with excitement.

“What?” you asked, coming to greet him.

Your own cheeks hurt looking at the grin plastered across his face. “Rehearsals!” he whooped.

“Are you serious?!”

“Yeah!”

“For tour?!”

“Yes and no. We have a show!”

“ASHTON!”

“I KNOW!” His arms were around you in a flash, picking you up and spinning you around as both of your laughs bounced off the walls. 

“Dizzy, dizzy!” you called out to him still laughing.

He set you down on your feet, and then his lips were on yours in a bruising kiss. “FUCK!” he couldn’t stop laughing or smiling. “Baby, I’m so excited. I have a show. With the boys. It’s real. We’re back. If we get to do this show… God, baby, it changes everything. I- It means we really get to go back. We won’t have to keep postponing our tour. We can put out the new album. And…” the words fell in a flurry as the reality of what he’d been missing for so long being within arm’s reach again set in. A rogue tear rolled down his cheek. “Fuck, I’ve missed this feeling.”

“I’ve missed seeing you this happy,” you smiled at him, catching the tear with your thumb before brushing his wild hair from his face.

“You’re coming right?” he asked, his smile faltering as his voice took on a note of fear. 

“To the show? Of course, babe. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

His lips curved upwards again, but it didn’t quite match the smile he’d been wearing when he first came bounding through the door. “And tour? If we get that far? If we get that lucky?”

“Stop,” you said, holding his face in your hands. “Stop the spiral. Let yourself be excited.”

“But-” The doubts were beginning to rear their ugly head. He had already allowed himself to believe the covid shit was behind him once before. 

“I don’t want the rug pulled out from under you either,” you told him softly. “But allow yourself this moment, Ash. And we’ll deal with the rest later.”

His eyes fluttered shut for a second as he leaned into your touch. When he opened them again, the kaleidoscope of colors that were his hazel eyes were soft. “I-” he started, words of how sorry he was for all the times he snapped harshly at you, how grateful he was for you toughing it out with him, and how he selfishly wasn’t ready to start missing you again a trapped jumble on his tongue. “I-” he tried again.

“I know,” you interrupted, stretching upwards to nudge your nose against his. “I know.”

~~~

While he hadn’t been able to get the words out, he found a different way of expressing himself in a way that left you both breathless and at a loss for words. 

And when you woke the next morning, rolling over to find his side of the bed empty, despite your excitement for Ashton, your heart ached for the reality of what was to come of him stepping back into the spotlight. 

But the bed was still warm, suggesting it hadn’t been long since he had left, and when you stumbled downstairs, you easily found him standing in the kitchen, his back to you as he poured coffee into two mugs. “Morning,” you greeted, wrapping your arms around his bare waist and pressing a kiss between his shoulders.

“Oh, hey,” he said, turning in your arms to kiss the top of your head. “You coulda stayed in bed. I was bringing up the coffee.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he giggled. “What? Did you think I’d left already?”

Your shoulders shrugged as you let go of your hold on him. “Yeah.”

“Without saying goodbye, first? C’mon, you gotta know me better than that.”

You shrugged again, reaching around him for one of the coffee mugs. “Well, thanks,” you murmured, taking a sip.

He frowned as he grabbed the other mug. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Y/N… C’mon, we’ve been stuck together in this house forever now. You think I don’t know when you’re hiding from me?”

“I- It’s nothing. When do you gotta meet with the guys?”

“Not for a while. Stop deflecting.”

You sighed. “The bed was empty, okay? Let’s face it. For the shitshow that’s covid, it gave us a lot of time. A lot of time we don’t normally get to share because of our jobs. And that’s all I want to say about it because I’m happy, Ash. I’m happy you have studio days and rehearsal days again. I’m happy you have shows again.”

“But you can be happy for me, and pissed about an empty bed. You can be both at the same time.”

“Yeah, but it makes me feel fuckin’ lousy, Ash. Like this is the reality of your job. We’re not strangers to it. I’m just being selfish.”

He chuckled, taking your coffee mug from you and setting it along with his on the counter. “I’m not ready to miss you either.” Then his arms were pulling you in close to him, his hold both strong and gentle. “Wanna be selfish with me before I have to leave?” he asked, his breath hot on your neck, the kiss hungry as it traveled up the column of your throat to your lips. “Be selfish with me until we can’t.”

And how could you deny Ashton’s request when he held you, looked at you, and loved you the way he did?

~~~

A couple hours after Ashton left for rehearsals, you left yourself to go surprise him. The house was too quiet without him, and rehearsals were different from regular studio time. More special in a way you couldn’t put words to. 

For some reason you were nervous as you pushed your way into the studio, his head snapping up at the sound of the door. “Baby!” he grinned up at you from where he was sitting on the floor next to Calum. “What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d surprise you guys. Bring you all some lunch,” you said, holding up a food bag as proof. 

“You’re the greatest,” he beamed, pushing himself up onto his feet and crossing the room to you. 

“So you rehearse on the floor?” you questioned with a teasing smile.

“Well, we were taking a small break,” he told you with a sheepish smile.

“We were actually ordering food, but this is way better,” Michael chimed in, taking the bag of food from you, and giving you a quick hug hello. “Ash is right. You’re the greatest.”

“Yeah, best surprise ever, especially for Mike,” Luke laughed and Calum nodded in agreement.

Happy chatter ensued as food was passed around, Ashton sitting as close to you as he could, his nerves making the tips of his fingers shake. “You okay?” you whispered, gripping one of his hands tightly in yours.

He nodded. “Yeah. Just nerves about getting back into things.” He gave you a quick kiss before getting up to go sit at his drum kit. And how he could manage to look both so at home and so vulnerable at the same time was beyond you. 

You looked over at the other guys, wondering if they were seeing what you were seeing, and Calum nodded knowingly at you while Luke and Michael offered up sad smiles of confirmation. Sighing, you got up and made your way over to Ashton, wedging yourself between him and his drum kit. “Talk to me,” you urged softly.

“It’s been a long time.”

“It has,” you agreed. “But you didn’t stop being a musician. You still played. You still made music this whole time.”

“What if we mess up? What if I mess up?”

“What if you don’t?”

He scoffed lightly. “I’m being serious, Y/N.”

“I am, too. Look, Ash. These are your boys. Playing music with them is what you were born to do. And I’m pretty sure they’re having the same worry as you about messing up. And it’s okay if you guys mess up. That’s why you’re having rehearsals.”

He let out a slow breath. “Yeah… Suppose you’re right.” He pushed his hands through his hair, taking another slow breath. “Okay. Okay, I can do this. Muscle memory.”

“Muscle memory,” you smiled reassuringly at him, draping your arms across his shoulders and leaning your forehead against his. “You got this, baby.”

“Will you stay? Having an audience… having you… It might help.”

“Of course, babe.”

~~~

The night of the show, you stood off to the side and out of the way as Ashton and the guys talked with the press about being back after almost two years of not playing a show together. You watched with a smile at the way Calum and Luke started humming their responses, and Michael took over the conversation when Ashton started fidgeting with his hands, giving Ashton that brief pause to collect his thoughts and settle his nerves. 

“Muscle memory,” you reminded him softly when they all came back to prepare to go on stage.

“Muscle memory,” he nodded, shrugging out of his jacket. But his hands still shook as he draped it over a chair. So you grabbed them, holding them still in your own hands. “Fuck, I hate this,” he whispered in defeat.

“You’re allowed to be nervous, Ash.”

“I know. I just hate it. Of all the feelings I’ve missed, this isn’t one of them.”

“So focus on that. Focus on how great it feels knowing that there’s a crowd of people out there waiting for you guys. And fuck the rest.”

“It really helps that you’re here, you know that?”

“I wouldn’t miss this moment for anything.”

“I-” he started, but a stagehand came rushing through, ushering them towards the stage.

You kissed him swiftly. “I love you, too. Now go be amazing.”

Again, with a smile plastered on your face, you watched them from the wings. It was effortless how easily they fell back into performing live with each other, as if covid had never stopped them. The perfect team of brothers. 

Ashton’s eyes were lit up like a Christmas tree when he came backstage, a sweaty smile on his own face as he hugged you tight. “That was amazing!” you beamed.

“That!” He pointed a finger towards that stage. “That I’ve missed!”

“This!” You grabbed his face in your hands. “This is the Ash I’ve missed.”

“I was trying to tell you something before I went on. Something I’ve been trying to tell you for a while now actually.”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah… I, um�� Fuck, I dunno why this is so hard for me. But I wanted to say thanks. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to love lately. I know I’ve been more moody than usual under covid, and I know I’ve taken a lot of my frustration out on you.”

“Ash-”

He held up a finger, cutting you off. “Lemme finish. I- I know I hit some of the lowest lows I’ve hit in a long time because of covid. And I know this shit’s far from over, and there’s probably going to be more rough moments as we get back into the swing of things after so long. But thank you, okay? I dunno what I would’ve done without you.”

“Ash-”

“Hold on. There’s one last thing. When we go on tour, I want you to come with us. If you can, of course. I just… I’d rather not miss you if I don’t have to. I- I need you. In a way I never thought I’d need someone. And for reasons I don’t think I’ll ever understand. But I need you.”

“Can I talk now?”

“Yeah.”

“For as much as covid has sucked, it gave us a lot of time to be together. A lot of time we didn’t have before.”

“You told me that already.”

“Shush. It’s my turn. We’ve seen the best and the worst of each other. And for all the times we could have given up, we didn’t. Every unlovable moment, we just loved each other harder. And for a while I wondered why that was. And it’s like you said. For whatever reason, I need you the same way you need me. And getting to see you get back to being this happy again… I wanna keep seeing it. And I wanna keep seeing it in ways that don’t keep us apart. So… I was talking with my boss, and with the band, and your team. And this was supposed to be a surprise but…”

“You’re coming on tour?” he interrupted, voice full of hope.

“I’m coming on tour,” you grinned.

__

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996​ @creator-appreciator​ @philthepegacorn​ @myfavfanficsever​ @cxddlyash​ @youngblood199456​ @stormrider505​ @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​ @hoodhoran​ @metalandboybands​ @maybeememez​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @binxiboo​

[fybillielourd]

I grew up with three parents: a mom, a dad and Princess Leia. I guess Princess Leia was kind of like my stepmom–technically family, but deep down I didn’t really like her. She literally and metaphorically lived on a planet I had never been to. When Leia was around, there wasn’t as much room for my mom–for Carrie. As a child, I couldn’t understand why people loved Leia as much as they did. I didn’t want to watch her movie, I didn’t want to dress up like her, I didn’t even want to talk about her. I just wanted my mom–the one who lived on Earth, not Tatooine. I didn’t watch Star Wars until I was about 6 years old. (And I technically didn’t finish it until I was 9 or 10. I’m sorry! Don’t judge me!) My mom used to love to tell people that every time she tried to put it on, I would cover my ears and yell, “It’s too loud, Mommy! Turn it off!”–or fearfully question, “Is that lady in the TV you?” It wasn’t until middle school that I finally decided to watch it of my own accord–not because I suddenly developed a keen interest in ’70s sci-fi, but because boys started coming up to me and saying they fantasized about my mom. My mom? The lady who wore glitter makeup like it was lotion and didn’t wear a bra to support her much-support-needed DD/F’s? They couldn’t be talking about her! I had to investigate who this person was they were talking about. So I went home and watched the movie I had forever considered too loud and finally figured out what all the fuss was about the lady in the TV. I’d wanted to hate it so I could tell her how lame she was. Like any kid, I didn’t want my mom to be “hot” or “cool”–she was my mom. I was supposed to be the “cool,” “hot” one–not her! But staring at the screen that day, I realized no one is, or ever will be, as hot or as cool as Princess F-cking Leia. (Excuse my language. She’s just that cool!) Later that year, I went to Comic-Con with my mom. It was the first time I realized how widespread and deep people’s love for Leia was, even after so many years. It was surreal: people of all ages from all over the world were dressed up like my mom, the lady who sang me to sleep at night and held me when I was scared. Watching the amount of joy it brought to people when she hugged them or threw glitter in their faces was incredible to witness. People waited in line for hours just to meet her. People had tattoos of her. People named their children after her. People had stories of how Leia saved their lives. It was a side of my mom I had never seen before. And it was magical. I realized then that Leia is more than just a character. She’s a feeling. She is strength. She is grace. She is wit. She is femininity at its finest. She knows what she wants, and she gets it. She doesn’t need anyone to defend her, because she defends herself. And no one could have played her like my mother. Princess Leia is Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher is Princess Leia. The two go hand in hand. When I graduated from college, like most folks, I was trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life. I went to school planning to throw music festivals, but always had this little sliver of me that wanted to do what my parents pushed me so hard not to do–act. I was embarrassed to admit I was even slightly interested. So when my mom called me and told me they wanted me to come in to audition for Star Wars, I pretended it wasn’t a big deal–I even laughed at the concept–but inside I couldn’t think of anything that would make me happier. A couple weeks later I went in for my audition. I probably had never been more nervous in my life. I was terrified and most likely made a fool of myself, but I kind of had a great time doing it. I assumed they would never call me, but after that audition, I realized I wanted to give the whole acting thing a shot. I was definitely afraid, but as a wise woman once said, “Stay afraid, but do it anyway … The confidence will follow.” About a month later, they somehow ended up calling. And there I was, on my way to be in motherf-cking Star Wars. Whoa. Growing up, my parents treated film sets like a house full of people with the flu: they kept me away from them at all costs. So on that fateful first day driving up to Pinewood, I was like a doe-eyed child. I couldn’t tell my mom, but little sassy, sarcastic, postcollege me felt like a giddy, grateful middle schooler showing up to a fancy new school. On that first day, my mom and I sat next to each other in the hair and makeup trailer. (Actually, she wasn’t really one for sitting, so she paced up and down and around me, occasionally reapplying her already overapplied glitter makeup and feeding Gary, her French bulldog.) Between glitterings, the hairstylist crafted what was to become General Leia’s hairstyle, then it was on to me: little Lieutenant Connix. Funnily enough, my mom had more to say about my hairstyle than her own. Even though she complained for years about how the iconic Leia buns “further widened my already wide face,” she desperately wanted me to carry on the face-widening family tradition! Some people carry on their family name, some people carry on holiday traditions–I was going to carry on the family hairstyle. So after we tested a few other space-appropriate hairstyles, we decided to embrace the weird galactic nepotism of it all and went with the mini–Leia buns. She stood in the mirror behind me and smiled like we had gotten matching tattoos. Our secret-handshake hairstyle. On the first day of this thing I could now call “work,” I walked into the Resistance Base set for rehearsal and J.J. Abrams, the director, told me where to stand and what to do–basically just press some pretty real-looking fake buttons. But I have to say, just pressing those buttons and observing the rest of the scene was one of the most fun things I had ever done. I had no lines in the scene, but my mom kept checking on me like I was delivering a Shakespearean monologue. “Are you O.K.?” she asked. “Do you need anything?” I scoffed at her maternal questions like a child embarrassed by her mother yelling goodbye too loud in a carpool line: “Mommy, go away! I’m fine. Focus on you, not me!” In the moment, I was humiliated that my mom was moming me on my first day of work, on the Star Wars set, of all places. But now I realize she was just being protective. Sets are extremely intimidating–I was too green at the time to know that–and she assumed I would be scared as hell. But weirdly, I wasn’t. At risk of sounding insane, something about this bizarre new world made me feel right at home. I had found a place with an empty puzzle slot that perfectly matched my weird-shaped puzzle piece. That night, on the long London-traffic-filled ride back from set, she turned to me and smiled. “Bits,” she said. “You know, most people aren’t as comfortable on sets as you were today. Especially on the f-cking Star Wars set, of all places!” (Excuse my language, but that was her language.) “This might be something you should think about doing.” At first I laughed, assuming she was kidding. But she continued to look me straight in the eye with no inkling of irony in sight. My mom was telling me I should act–my mom? The lady who spent my entire life convincing me acting was the last thing I should do? It couldn’t be true. But it was. I haven’t had many moments like this in my life–those aha moments everyone talks about. This was my first real one. My mom wanted me to be an actress. That was when I realized I had to give it a shot. She used to sarcastically quip that she knew all along what a massive hit Star Wars would be. As with most things, she was kidding. She was absolutely and totally beyond shocked by the massive global phenomenon that was the first Star Wars trilogy. It changed her life forever. Then, when it happened again almost 40 years later, she was even more absolutely and totally beyond shocked. It changed her life yet again. But that time, it changed my life too. I thought getting to make one Star Wars movie with her was a once-in-a-lifetime thing; then they asked me to come do the next movie and I got to do my once-in-a-lifetime twice. On our second movie together, I really tried to take a step back and appreciate what I was doing. I couldn’t tell her because she’d think I was lame, but getting to watch her be Leia this time made me feel like the proud mom. Watching the original Star Wars movies as a kid in my mom’s bed, I never imagined the lady in the TV would get older and get back in the TV. And I definitely never imagined we would end up in the TV together. But that’s where we ended up. Two little ladies in the TV together–Leia and little Lieutenant Connix. We wrapped The Last Jedi a little less than six months before she died. I went back to L.A. to film the show I was on, and she stayed in London to film the show she was on. One of the last times we spoke on the phone, she talked about how excited she was that the next movie in the trilogy was going to be Leia’s movie. Her movie. She used to say that in the original movies, she got to be “the only girl in an all-boys fantasy.” But with each new Star Wars movie, the all-boys fantasy started to become a boys-and-girls fantasy. She was no longer a part of a fantasy, but the fantasy herself. Leia was not just a sidekick one of the male leads had on his arm, or a damsel in distress. She was the hero herself. The princess became the general. My mom died on Dec. 27, 2016. Two days after Christmas, four days before New Year’s and about a year before she was supposed to appear in her final Star Wars film. Losing my mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I lost my best friend. My little lady in the TV. My Momby. And I inherited this weird, intimidating thing called her legacy. Suddenly I was in charge of what would come of her books, her movies and a bunch of other overwhelming things. I was now the keeper of Leia. About a year later, J.J. called me into his office to talk about the plans for Leia. We both agreed she was too important to be written off in the classic Star Wars introductory scroll. This last movie was supposed to be Leia’s movie, and we wanted it to remain that, as much as possible. What I hadn’t known–and what J.J. told me that day –was that there was footage of my mom that they had collected over the years that hadn’t made it into the movies, footage that J.J. told me would be enough to write an entire movie around. It was like she had left us a gift that would allow Leia’s story to be completed. I was speechless. (Anyone who knows me knows that doesn’t happen very often.) J.J. asked me if I would want to come back as Lieutenant Connix. I knew it would be one of the most painful, difficult things I would ever do, but I said yes for her–for my mom. For Leia. For everyone Leia means so much to. For everyone Leia gives strength to. For my future kids, so someday they’ll have one more movie to watch that Mommy and Grandma were in together. So they can ask me about the lady–now ladies–in the TV and tell me to turn it down because it’s too loud. I grew up with three parents: a mom, a dad and Princess Leia. Initially, Princess Leia was kind of like my stepmom. Now she’s my guardian angel. And I’m her keeper.

[you-can-stay-mp3]

✎ stray kids as your classmates headcannons

masterlist | navi

the chaos. the idiocy. the lack of sleep

these hcs are also ?? so specific to my school ?? my friend and i wrote them so long ago and i figured they were pretty solid 💪💪

˗ˏˋ bang chan ˎˊ˗

↠ studies english, maths, physics and history

↠ does four a levels and has left the mortal realm

↠ for some reason you can find him in every subject department ????

↠ he only gets away with it because every teacher LOVES him

↠ he gets to keep his break in the staff fridge

↠ at lunch, he brings you out to eat

↠ always has snacks in his blazer for when jisung gets fidgety during maths

↠ chan used to be allowed in the recording rooms in music until he started bringing hyunjin

↠ he lost recording room privileges and was moved to one of the mac rooms instead

↠ i say ‘bringing’ but it’s more like hyunjin ‘followed and would not leave’

↠ takes technology classes after school for fun - he’s really good and gets a kick out of his work being used as a good example

↠ gets to keep his break in the staff fridge

↠ he’s either really great to sit beside or really annoying

↠ on one hand he’s hardworking and smart and will help you with answers and let you copy off of him on tests

↠ on the other hand when he’s in a super playful mood he will not stop poking you in the ribs for no reason

↠ his school bag is worryingly heavy

˗ˏˋ minho ˎˊ˗

↠ does triple award science and digital technology

↠ likes science :)

↠ also does four a levels but is glowing

↠ every teacher loves him??

↠ like you get away with so much shit because they see minho with you and go ‘ah this is all a misunderstanding minho wouldn’t set the bin on fire :)’

↠ minho just shows up to orchestra rehearsals sometimes like baby you don’t belong here

↠ he only turns up because he has a few friends who do it but every year for their concerts he gets roped into playing the bodhran

↠ it started in third year by mistake and every year he announces he hates doing it and just won’t this year but he always comes crawling back

↠ he always gets something to share at lunch and ends up throwing bits of it at you

↠ complains the whole time and you’d just be like ??? i didn’t ask you to get me anything???

↠ he’d tell you to shut up and eat it.

↠ chooses his snacks with you in mind

↠ always has plasters and painkillers on hand

↠ drives to school

↠ won’t give you a lift

↠ tells you to get the bus like a common wench

↠ they all come up with a random catchphrase every other week and minho is losing his mind

↠ ‘if chan says that boils my piss ONE MORE TIME-‘

˗ˏˋ changbin ˎˊ˗

↠ does physical ed, art, english and technology

↠ goes to lunch with felix but will always bring you back a snack

↠ always has a hoodie in his bag and an earphone ready for you when you’ve had a bad day

↠ has an extra tie in his bag because all of his friends are dumbasses and he KNOWS they’ll forget it at least once a week

↠ also drives to school

↠ he brings jeongin

↠ if he sees you walking to school on his way he’ll let you get in

↠ everyone steals his t-shirts purely because of the big arms and they’re comfy

↠ no more fitted shirts the world has surpassed the need for fitted shirts

↠ will always ask to copy your homework but when you ask to copy his he says no

˗ˏˋ hyunjin ˎˊ˗

↠ does history, religion and single chemistry

↠ he’s,,,, not so good at chemistry

↠ considered taking drama but realised he’d have to actually participate in productions and shows

↠ he does drama club after school instead

↠ but would never be caught dead in the department during school hours

↠ also takes technology classes after school

↠ only because his mum makes him

↠ sleeps on the bus home and often misses his spot

↠ sleeps over with whoever’s stop he wakes up closest to

↠ everyone in the group has a collection of his clothes in their houses for when he decides to do this

↠ for lunch, he always leaves his chocolate milk aside for you

↠ Does Not Know His Timetable and relies on you to tell him what class he’s in next

↠ if you’re working in the library together, he’ll try his best to be super quiet and will help you tie your hair back because he knows you can’t do it properly yourself

˗ˏˋ jisung ˎˊ˗

↠ does chemistry, maths and english

↠ no one knows why he does english but they don’t question it

↠ he sits in the back corner and throws paper balls at the back of your head and kicks your seat

↠ chan tried to stop him, he really did

↠ his subject choices are fucking atrocious

↠ he took technology but dropped it after two weeks

↠ he’s oddly good at chemistry???

↠ when you ask him a question he shrugs and says he guessed it

↠ you know he’s full of it and studies at every chance he gets

↠ he took german a few years ago and won’t shut up about it

↠ would buy lunch for himself

↠ when you ask for some he says no.

↠ don’t be fooled he pretends to be annoyed but he always planned to give you some anyway

↠ always accuses everyone of stealing his clothes when in fact it’s him who has the most of other people’s clothes

↠ chan has to call him every morning to wake him up so he won’t miss the bus

↠ makes you buy him bottles of water at all hours of the day

↠ will not stop whining if you don’t

˗ˏˋ felix ˎˊ˗

↠ does art, french and home ec

↠ ngl he goes to lunch with changbin

↠ will scrounge the snack changbin brought back for you

↠ makes up for it every friday when there was a home ec practical and he got to bake

↠ the type to push you into an open classroom door while you’re walking past

↠ HUGS ALL THE TIME

↠ like there’s always some sort of physical affection; linking pinkies, arm over your shoulder, just general poking and prodding

↠ minho has to separate you

↠ also throws paper balls at you in class but you can’t be mad because he just wants to play hangman

↠ the most active in the groupchat

↠ please turn off your notifications when you go to sleep

↠ will actually help you with your homework, but also makes sure you’re not taking everything too seriously and reminds you to enjoy yourself

˗ˏˋ seungmin ˎˊ˗

↠ does english and triple award science

↠ curses the day he chose science

↠ he hasn’t done the english homework

↠ he will call you at 4:27am to get it

↠ played cello in orchestra for a few years

↠ least active in the groupchat

↠ exclusively steals your food at lunch

↠ he used to bring his own but when he realised you were willing to share / he could just take some of your food, he just stopped

↠ will still buy a cookie and when you ask for one always says no

↠ he brings one back anyway

↠ makes you come study at the library with him because he knows you won’t do it if you’re left to your own devices

˗ˏˋ jeongin ˎˊ˗

↠ takes english, sociology and french

↠ jeongin is the only one who does choir

↠ but somehow ?? jisung is always at their concerts ???

↠ makes you bring him back lunch and then ends up stealing half of yours

↠ he shares his drinks with you if that’s any condolences

↠ he does not come to class

↠ ever

↠ always gets a ride to and from school from changbin

↠ he always calls you at the same time every night just to talk because he didn’t see you much that day :(

↠ uses his baby status to his advantage

↠ decides he’s coming to your house after school

↠ you don’t get a choice in the matter

[alwaysbeliev]

I Can’t Lose You

Happy Valentine’s Day! This is for the @rdr-secret-cupid adventure this year. Thank you for the prompt, @bloodylove3 and I hope you enjoy!

summary: When Dutch asks you and Arthur to pretend you're married for a job, you're nervous that you won't be able to hide your feelings for the outlaw. You manage to keep it in line, but things go wrong fast.

relationship: Arthur Morgan x F!Reader

word count: 3497

link on AO3

“Alright, here’s where we’ll start.”

It was mid-afternoon. The heat from the sun above was overwhelming, burning whatever it touched. Not even the shade was a relief with its cover. Animals all around were burrowed underground, hiding inside of trees, splashing around in the cool river nearby, and doing their best to stay out of direct light. You idly watched a small mouse scurry through the grass, digging at the dirt every now and then before disappearing into a hole. Quietly, you wished you were that mouse. 

For the hundredth time, Dutch was reviewing his next grand plan. There was a tipoff about a decent score, something that would help the gang move to a new camp, and it would be almost easy to pull off. Almost. But he was careful to plan, detailed to a fault, and now you had to sit through another lecture about making sure you were in the right place at the right time. He stood just inside the flap of his tent as he talked. The others were in a loose circle around him and Hosea.

You felt a drop of sweat slide down the back of your neck. What you wouldn’t give to go jump in the rushing water just a hundred feet away, even fully clothed. Imagining the relief alone made you sweat more. You could feel your skin throb, your cheeks turning red, your shirt sticking to your lower back…

“Hey!”

The sharp sound of Dutch’s voice cut through your daydream, snapping you back to reality. Others were snickering as you jerked your head over and tried to pretend you had been listening.

“As I was saying,” the man continued, “there has been a small change of plan.” 

Whoa, Dutch was changing his plan? But the score was just a week away now.

He carried on, “Arthur will be playing the part of your protective, but quiet, husband. You will need to cause a big enough distraction that we can enter without tipping anyone off. Can you handle that?”

“I thought Hosea was providing the distraction?” Your mind was turning, scrambling to remember if that was the original plan or if you were suffering from heat stroke.

“As I had said before, Hosea will be needed outside. It would seem awfully suspicious to outsiders if 5 men all seemed to suddenly rush inside together, don’t you think?”

You supposed he had a point. Outwardly, you agreed with him, but inwardly, your heart was pounding. Arthur? Husband? You barely made it through the rest of the session, managing to excuse yourself as soon as Dutch was done talking. Never before had you felt the palpitations on your chest that you did now at the thought of being with Arthur Morgan. Not just being with him, but pretending to be married. 

To say that you had a crush on Arthur was putting it lightly. From the moment you had met the outlaw, the sight of him caused your heart to race faster than his beautiful horse. You could barely speak around him, let alone carry on any conversation, and you were certain everyone in camp knew about it. Karen, Mary-Beth, and Tilly had approached you just last week to tease you about the way you fumbled over your words when Arthur asked a question. Now you had to pretend to be married?

The group dispersed as Dutch finished his grand lecture, chattering excitedly about the huge score. You felt light-headed and were rooted to the spot. Dutch was right, it should be easy, you had played the actor’s role many times before, but this… This wouldn’t be acting. And surely someone was going to notice that.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

A week passed quicker than any week you’d been through before. You and Arthur had prepared a scene, practicing to get it right, and you were feeling slightly more confident. The cowboy still gave you flutters in your heart, but rehearsed lines were much easier than improvised ones, and you were positive he hadn’t seen the longing in your eyes. It was easy.

But what wasn’t easy was how inseparable the two of you were becoming. Every morning, Arthur approached you near the campfire, offering a small treat, typically a piece of chocolate or a small fruit. The first time, your cheeks had flushed hotter than the summer sun. It hadn’t improved much. You would review your plan for the score, pause for a lunch time meal, and continue in the afternoon. Arthur often seemed to have other ideas, wanting a change of scenery, and you would find yourselves a few miles from camp on some rocky outlook or on a river’s shore, just shooting the breeze while the sun seared high above. Arthur even managed to convince you to leave your horse once, riding behind him with arms wrapped around his chest, content just to be near him. 

Finally, the day arrived. The gang all arose early, gathering their tools uneasily. Nerves always ran high the day of, regardless of how much planning had gone into the score, and your stomach churned. Karen had lent a hat, Mary-Beth a beautiful dress in your most favorite color, and you felt so fluffy and over the top. When Arthur saw you, his face seemed to go slack, a rare smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“My, my, Mrs. Morgan,” he drawled, taking a few lazy steps to close the gap to you. “Aren’t you lookin’ mighty fine this mornin’.”

Pouting and embarrassed, you waved him off, brushing a tight curl over your shoulder in a weak attempt to mask the color rising to your cheeks.

“Shut up.”

“Hey, now, I’m only tryin’ to lighten the mood.” He laughed before looking somewhat sheepish himself. “Besides, you really do.”

You paused, taking in his sincere compliment.

“Thank you.”

He didn’t have time to respond as Dutch stepped out of his tent, looking the picture of graceful leadership, commanding everyone’s attention. As you turned your body towards him, you saw Arthur’s gaze lingering on your figure, the dress complementing you perfectly. You focused on tugging on your white lace gloves, trying to turn your ears where it mattered.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Alright, Mr. Callahan, now, here we are!”

Your voice pitched up, you pointed out the grandest building in town: the bank. Arthur guided his horse to the hitching post before hopping down, turning to help you down, your big skirt catching slightly and flouncing as your feet landed. Grinning at him, you tugged at his arm excitedly.

“Come on, darling, we gotta go get us a loan! That house ain’t gonna buy itself, you know!”

It was clear you were amusing the man at your side. Your anxiety was causing a jump in your performance, pushing you a slightly uncomfortable bit above believable, but you were pretty and young and the men were watching you. That was all that mattered.

With a grand gesture, you shoved the door to the bank open, stepping into the marbled interior with your boots clicking. The teller glanced up from whatever paperwork he was looking at. For a brief second, he studied the two of you, his eyes lingering on you in particular, before a fixed smile appeared on his face. 

“How can I help you?” he drawled. As practiced, Arthur opened his mouth to speak but you butted in before he could.

“Why, hello, Mr…?” You swept forward, extending a hand for him to shake. He glanced at Arthur in disbelief before gingerly shaking your hand.

“Mr. Monaghan.”

“Oh, Mr. Monaghan, how lovely!” You grinned widely, shaking vigorously. “Yes, me and my new husband here are looking to buy a house! Isn’t that just grand? We just got married, you know, just last week! Oh, we had the most beautiful honeymoon, didn’t we, darling? Traveled to see the ocean, oh it was gorgeous! Simply gorgeous! Have you ever been, Mr. Monaghan?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t. Not the way you planned it.

“The birds were so lovely, there were so many of them! Oh, and the food! Simply divine! Have you had seafood before? Crab, lobster, shrimp, oh it was perfect!”

As you rambled, the doors swung in again, allowing entrance to John and Javier. You didn’t spare a look for them, your energy pointed at the teller, and as planned, he didn’t seem to notice them. Your shrill voice and wild theatrics had his whole attention. You carried on as the men got into position.

“They paired the shrimp with-- What was it, my love? This wine, it was a red, wasn’t it? Or was it a white? Mr. Callahan is just hopeless about these things, you know, I’m glad I’m here to help him. Oh we had the most wonderful time together! I thought it might rain one day, there were these horrible gray clouds, but he told me not to worry, even though I wanted to, and sure enough, the sun was out by dinner time!”

The doors creaked again, allowing the last two men in, Dutch and Bill. All 5 men exchanged a look and, in one swift motion, they pulled their bandanas over their faces and drew their weapons. It was satisfying to hear the clicks of a few hammers. Your grin turned wicked and the teller suddenly realized what had happened. 

“We’ll take that loan to go, if you don’t mind.” You couldn’t help yourself. Arthur quickly stepped forward, shielding you with his body so your face was hidden, and you hurriedly moved towards the back of the men, allowing them to do what they needed. It was relatively painless and quiet, the teller moving hastily and without hesitation, filling bags with money and even allowing them access to the room with the safes. You served as lookout, casually standing at the window to keep an eye peeled for the law. Only when you heard Dutch’s signature goodbye did you turn away from it. Arthur made eye contact with you and playfully raised his eyebrows as he strode towards the door and you, ready to make for the horizon.

Without warning, the doors flew open, banging against the wall from the force behind it. Several lawmen were standing, guns drawn, ready to take out the outlaws. Instantly, shots were being fired. You didn’t know who fired first, but you dove out of the way, gripping your hat tightly so it wouldn’t be left behind. For some reason, your only coherent thought was Karen would have my hide.

Men were shouting, the smell of gunpowder filled the air. Flat on the floor, you couldn’t see anything, only heard Dutch shouting orders, police filling the streets outside, the solid sound of bullets connecting with flesh. There was nowhere to take cover. Somebody stepped on your leg and you gasped from the pain. A hand gripped your ankle and dragged you towards a wall. Panicked, you tried to scramble away until you registered Arthur’s voice trying to reassure you. 

“You boys play nice!” a deep voice bellowed from the porch. “We don’t want no hangings, now, y’here?”

“We will play nice when you play nice, Sheriff!” Dutch barked back. 

“This is a fucking massacre!” John spoke to the room at large. The men that had entered before were all on the floor, blood pooling around them, their guns laying forgotten on the wood. More were shouted outside. They were organizing to block all exits from town. There was no way you were gonna make it out now, you started to fear, and you could see the shared looks of the men with you echoing the same sentiment.

A surprised cry arose from outside as another gunshot cracked through the air. 

“There’s Mac!”

With renewed energy, everyone jumped up and sprang for the door. Feeling marginally brave, you snatched a gun from the floor, hoping you wouldn’t have to use it. Bill led the way out. Javier, John, and Dutch quickly followed, and Arthur made up the rear with you in tow, sticking to him like glue. 

The sun outside was blinding. You barely caught a glimpse of the street before you were rushed down the steps and around the side of the building. Back pressed against the wall, the pounding in your head started blocking out your hearing, and you only felt the vibrations in the air and under your feet. Even with all of Dutch’s careful planning, you were still trapped in this mess…

Arthur shouted your name. He stood, almost pressed to you, eyes burning. You snapped to attention, gun at the ready.

“We gotta make a break for it! Be ready on my count!”

It was all you could do to nod. You saw his horse in your peripheral, antsy and pawing, but waiting. You tried desperately to calm your breathing and gathered your skirts up out of your way. At the mark, you all ran, each in slightly different directions to mount their horses, spurring before fully mounted. Arthur was first and you scrambled after him, latching onto his arm and using the momentum of his horse to swing your leg over, skirts be damned. With a sharp cry, he urged his horse forward and away from town.

For a brief moment, you were free. Pounding hooves sounded behind you but were fading fast. The shouts of men continued to rip through the air, but you realized that they, too, were slowly growing faint.  And then a stabbing pain exploded in your thigh. A scream escaped before you could stop yourself. Trained well, Arthur didn’t stop his horse, but he tried to see what had happened, calling back to you with increasing desperation. You had been shot. The panic, the shortness of breath, and now the pain was too much. In a surprisingly short matter of seconds, black filled your vision and you were gone.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

The rustle of the trees. The soft sound of running water. Crackling of a campfire. Low voices outside your tent. Your hair brushing your face. Dull and throbbing pain in your leg. Heaviness in your chest. And, finally, the realization you were laying on a cot and not your usual bedroll. 

Slowly, your eyes blinked open. This definitely wasn’t your tent. These weren’t your blankets. Only the soft glow from the fire and a few lanterns shone on the one canvas wall. It was enough light to see that this was Arthur’s tent, the small table with his journal and flower, his photographs on the wagon side. His smell on the blankets. You breathed in deeply.

A snort by your feet caused you to startle. Sitting up slowly, you saw Arthur slumped in a chair, his hat drawn over his face, arms crossed as he breathed evenly, the occasional snore breaking the silence. An strong and sharp pain made you hiss and, in turn, woke the outlaw from his slumber. 

“You’re awake,” he mumbled, barely awake himself as he sat up. 

“Regrettably…”

“How’re you feelin’?”

“Honestly? Not great,” you said, chuckling a little. “But I’ve had worse. Why am I here?”

“Thought you might like a real bed. Well, realer than your bedroll. We can put you out for the wolves, if ya like.” His teasing tone was back, but it was more strained than normal. He looked absolutely exhausted. 

“No, this is fine. It’s… nice.”

Silence fell again. You stared at a thread on the sheet while Arthur stared at you. Usually there was a party the night after a big score, everyone drinking and being merry. There was a strange lack of boisterous laughter, though, and you had the weird feeling it was your doing. 

“How did we make out?”

“Oh, we escaped,” he said, leaning back in the chair again. “But we’re trapped here awhile, there’ll be law crawlin’ everywhere for a few weeks.”

“How much?”

Not even your fixation on the money got him to crack a smile.

“Dunno.” Shrug of his shoulders. “I’ve been in here, makin’ sure you don’t die.”

Arthur’s behavior was bizarre. You hadn’t seen him behave this way when another gang member was injured, not even when John had nearly been lost last year, and it was starting to worry you. Was there something else you didn’t know about? Was your injury more serious than he was letting on? For a moment, you studied his face, the ache and shadows clear in the weak light, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw the barest sign of a light track down his cheek.

“Arthur…” 

It was such a soft whisper, you weren’t sure he had heard you at first. He lifted his eyes to meet yours. You tried desperately to read him for a second before finally caving.

“Arthur, what happened? Did someone not make it?”

At long last, he managed a short huff of air that might be mistaken for laughter. Shaking his head, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he ran his hands across his face, removing his hat and setting it on his wardrobe. When he looked at you again, he actually had a small smile, and relief had replaced what you had mistaken for grief.

“No, no, nothin’ like that.”

“So what’s the matter?”

He tilted his chin up, exhaling long and low towards the sky, seemingly contemplating something. It was quiet for an achingly long time. Another deep sigh and he brought his chin back down, meeting your gaze steadily.

“I thought I was gonna lose you,” he murmured. “I heard the shot, your scream… I thought you were gone for sure.”

Okay… you thought, still bewildered. We’ve almost lost people before. What makes me special?

“And I didn’t get the chance to tell you…” You had seen him struggle with words in the past, but this was different. It was almost as if his voice was physically fighting him on saying anything. “I couldn’t stand to lose you, truth be told. You mean-- That is, you’re very important-- That’s, well…”

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes as you realized what he was trying to say. You didn’t dare utter a word, hoping, begging him to just spit it out. You weren’t positive this was happening, as now you were almost certain you had actually died and this was the beginning of your personal heaven.

“I can’t lose you, darlin’.”

The tears spilled over and dripped down your cheeks. You couldn’t even feel the pain in your thigh as it felt like a major weight had been lifted off of you. Arthur was startled, concern growing once more on his face at your tears, but when you started to grin and laughter bubbled up, he relaxed and looked as embarrassed as a school boy, dropping his eyes and smiling himself.

“I can’t tell you how happy that makes me to hear,” you finally said, shaking your head at the silliness of it all. “I can’t lose you, either, Arthur. You mean the world to me.”

Slowly, the cowboy rose from his seat and approached the edge of the cot. You gingerly shifted yourself over to allow him to sit beside you, and he took the opportunity. You soaked in the other’s presence for just a moment. With the softest gaze you had seen from him, Arthur returned his attention to you. He lifted a hand to cup your face, his rough thumb stroking your cheek as he drank in your features, looking truly content for the first time. Gracefully and ever the gentleman, he tilted your face up to meet his as he carefully kissed you. It was light at first. He was testing the waters, not pushing too fast. But when you met him eagerly, he leaned in, hard. 

You didn’t dare breathe for the duration of the kiss, your heart a frightening combination of pounding and not beating at all. The taste of whiskey lingered fresh on his lips and left your mouth tingling. When Arthur pulled away, you shifted forward slightly, not wanting it to end. But, courteous as always, he pressed a lingering kiss on your forehead and then sat back again. Your eyes flickered all over his face. You were still unsure if you could catch your breath.

“Wanted to do that for a long time,” he muttered. All you could do was nod. Wow…

“Can you stay with me?” you blurted out. “Tonight?”

“O’ course,” he agreed. He tugged his boots off as you scooted as far over as you could, lifting the sheet for him to crawl into. Warmth radiated from his skin and it was like stepping into a comfortable bath as he wrapped his arms around you. You sighed into his chest, drinking in his smell with your face buried in him, hands gripping his shirt. The dull sting in your leg was in the background of your mind. It didn’t matter to you, though; you were safe here. And this wasn’t going to end any time soon.

[alicanta77]

Pairing: y/n x Jeno

Themes: angst, fluff

Warnings: death, injury, survivors guilt and a whole bucket of angst - really prepare yourself

Words: 11.5k

Synopsis: Jeno thought he had life pretty much figured out. He had amazing friends, a very supportive family, the career he had always dreamed of and fans who loved him from all over the world. It looked as if there was nothing more he could want. But something was missing from his life and Jeno couldn’t figure out what it was. Then, one morning while he was on a run, he spotted you. And suddenly Jeno found his life had a whole new meaning to it. The two of you fell in love harder and deeper than anyone had thought possible, and it seemed like, finally, the final piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. But life isn’t always a smooth ride, and sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to. And Jeno finds himself learning and experiencing things he never wished he’d ever have to.

This story is part of the ‘Sometimes Letting Go’ collaboration organised by the absolutely brilliant @rvse-hvvck <333

tag list: @xysabellex @aconeptun @jeongyoonohs @pewpewpwe00 @lebrookestore @moon-jun​

——————————————————————————

Sometimes letting go, hurts less than holding on

——————————————————————————

Jeno still remembers the first day he met you. He was in the park, having decided to go for a run on the morning of his day off, wanting to feel the fresh air after being cooped up in the practice room for the past two weeks. He was trying to find the motivation to move faster than a sluggish walk, his muscles arguing with his mind, when he looked up and saw you. You were leaning over the river, watching as the water passed by underneath you and Jeno couldn’t help but stare. He pulled his headphones out of his ears and just observed the beautiful girl he saw before him. 

He watched as you looked up and he quickly tried to look away, in an attempt to act as though he wasn’t just creepily watching a stranger in the park. You let out a giggle and Jeno thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

‘Can I help you?’ You asked, a kind smile on your face.

‘Hi, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare, I just...’ Jeno wracked his brain trying to think of a way to explain himself before giving up and deciding to just go with the truth. ‘You’re really beautiful.’

You didn’t react for a second, making panic run through every vein in Jeno’s body. But that soon relaxed when a smile made its way on your face and you let out a little embarrassed laugh. He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh himself at his blunder, relieved that you hadn’t run away from him already.

‘You’re not that bad yourself.’ You replied, the nervousness you were clearly feeling obvious in your face and words. ‘I’m y/n.’

‘Jeno.’ He introduced himself. 

And that was where it all began.

---

It didn’t take long for Jeno to become completely infatuated with you. You had the kind of energy that just drew people to you. Everywhere you went, you radiated a kindness that grabbed people’s attention. And before he knew it, before he could stop it, Jeno was smitten.

Jeno learnt pretty quickly that you kept your circle small, choosing the few people you trusted to be close to you, to know the real you. And Jeno wanted nothing more than to be one of those people.

The two of you made it a tradition to go to that same park, once a week, you would go into the nearby coffee shop, grab some food and head out to the river. Jeno kept this to himself, but your trips together quickly became his favourite part of the week.

He never really found time to relax, always being busy with rehearsing or writing lyrics or staying in shape, and he’d always thought he didn’t have the time to form a relationship of any kind with someone. But somehow, no matter how busy he was, Jeno found himself able to make time for you.

It was at that same park that Jeno asked you out for the first time. He had just bought your favourite order from the coffee shop, and was ready and waiting for you when you arrived. You came jogging up to him, slightly out of breath and with a slightly red nose from the cooling autumn air.

‘Sorry!’ You breathed, pausing for a second to calm yourself. ‘I was really late leaving the house and then I got stuck in traffic so I ran as soon as I could.’

‘You didn’t have to do that.’ Jeno chuckled, handing you your coffee and pastry. ‘I don’t mind waiting for you.’

You took the order out of his hand, smiling up at him in gratitude.

‘Thank you for ordering for me, I’ll get the next one. And yes I did, I didn’t want to leave you waiting. Plus it’s hard to find time together so I want to make the most of it when we have it.’

The two of you began to walk, staying close to the riverside as you headed towards the sheltered spot you always went. It was hidden slightly in the trees so that Jeno could take off his mask without worrying about who would see him.

It had become almost a kind of safe haven for Jeno, a place where he could be himself and not have to worry about what anybody thought. He had always felt comfortable being his true self around you, you had always encouraged him to drop the image he had to wear any time there was a camera around him, and he appreciated that more than he let you know.

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off you as the two of you walked. There was a small light in your eyes as you talked about your recent piece of work that you were avoiding, laughing at yourself and claiming how much you knew you were going to regret it but that was a problem for you in the future.

Jeno laughed along with you, so taken in by the melodious sound that escaped your lips that he almost walked past your usual spot. You reached out to grab his hand, stopping him in his tracks as he stared down at your intertwined hands. You nodded your head down to the ground, gesturing that you were here and silently pulled him down to sit next to you.

Jeno couldn’t quite get over how perfectly your hand fit in his, the way your fingers curled tightly around his made him never want to let go. And it was in this moment that he realised, this wasn’t just infatuation.

He wasn’t sure what it was. He didn’t think it was love just yet, but it was definitely something more than just a crush. Whatever it was, Jeno wanted more of it.

He tore his eyes away from your hands to look at your face, only to be greeted with your gaze already on him. Your eyes were fixated on his and your lips were slightly parted, with small breaths escaping them.

God you were beautiful.

‘Can I kiss you?’ Jeno whispered, and it took about a millisecond before he started mentally cursing himself in every language that he knew. He almost wished Jaemin were here so that he could slap him on head.

Jeno was about to take it back, to apologise and make up something about being so worn out recently that he wasn’t sure what he was saying, until he heard your reply.

‘Yes.’

Your voice was soft, almost inaudible, but your words were louder than a scream to Jeno. It took him a minute to actually register that you had agreed, but when it finally sunk in he refused to waste any time.

He leant in, delicately cupping your face with his hands and closed the gap between the two of you. His lips pressed gently to yours and you leaned further into him. He pulled away soon, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable and opened his eyes to look at you.

He moved his hands from your face as he took in your expression. Your eyes opened slowly, immediately finding his and conveying all that they needed to say.

You reached up with your hands, this time placing them on his face and pulled him in again, kissing him with more passion. Jeno’s arms wound around your waist, pulling your body closer to him as he kissed you back.

The two of you seemed to move closer together and each second passed, wanting nothing more than to leave no space between the two of you. Eventually you pulled away, the need to breathe breaking the perfect kiss.

However, you didn’t move away from him, instead staying close enough that Jeno could rest his forehead on yours. He kept his eyes shut, imprinting this moment into his memory so that he would never forget it.

‘Be mine?’ He asked breathlessly, wanting nothing more than to officially be able to call you his, and kiss you like that whenever he wanted.

You didn’t reply, making a stream of panic flood Jeno’s system as he began to worry that he had spoken too soon or moved too quickly. But then, you spoke the one word that made his heart soar.

‘Always.’

---

Jeno laying facing you, one hand gently stroking the hair out of your face as you lay on the other. He looked into your eyes, memorising the swirl of colours that always enchanted him. You were staring back at him, the only noise in the room being your soft breaths.

Jeno had come to love nights like these. Before, he would just head back to the dorms, play games for a couple of hours and then sleep. But recently, he’d been finding it difficult to relax if he didn’t have you by his side. You had some kind of power over him, Jeno just found himself relaxing under your touch.

This wasn’t the first time you were spending the night, you had come over for dinner to meet the boys a while back, and a sudden storm had broken out, preventing you from getting home so Jeno had offered for you to stay the night. The boys had all loved you, so none of them minded, Jaemin even going as far as to bribe you with a cooked breakfast the next morning. The two of you had fallen asleep on his bed together, you begging him not to sleep on the floor. Ever since that night, he’d secretly been needing you in order to fall asleep.

The last time Jeno had checked his phone, the time had been 00:36, and that had been a while ago. He watched as your eyes began to flutter shut slightly, but you forced them open.

‘Can you get me talking on something?’ You whispered. ‘I don’t want to fall asleep just yet.’

‘Do you think a person can give you infinity?’ Jeno mumbled out, just saying the first thing that came to his mind.

You were quiet for a second, thinking about your answer before replying.

‘Yeah, I think so. When you’re lucky enough to find someone who you love, and who loves you like that, I think it is an infinity.’

‘But things always end? One way or another, you know, you break up, someone moves on, or even if you stay together all your lives one of you will eventually die, leaving the other alone. And it will end.’ Jeno replied, frowning as he tried to understand your point of view.

‘I don’t think anything ever really ends, not a story, not a relationship, not a life. You always see traces of it anywhere you look. Things live on, not in or as themselves, but in other people, in the lives of others that they touched, that they had an impact on.’ You explained your point, your voice still at a low volume, as if you would destroy the atmosphere if you spoke too loud. ‘People carry parts of them with them as they lead their lives, and eventually, pass it on to others they know. Nothing ever really ends because it lives on in everything else.’

Jeno paused, thinking over what you said and found himself nodding.

‘That makes sense.’ He admitted to you, watching as you smiled at that.

‘What do you see in your future?’ You asked, abruptly changing the subject.

Jeno raised an eyebrow, smirking teasingly at you. 

‘What do you see in yours?’

You looked up at him, debating whether you should tell him or force him to speak first. After a short internal battle, you ended up swallowing your pride and being the one to talk.

‘If I’m honest, I want the career, I want to travel and I want to be able to make friends and make mistakes and be stupid, but at the end of the day, when I look further than five to ten years, the one thing I really want is a family. I don’t see massive parties, or constant travelling, I want to have Sunday mornings breakfasts with everyone around the table, I want to push my kids on the swings in the playground, I want to bring them to their grandparents for the day and I want to help with homework. I want a family, and the domestic life that comes with them.’

While you were saying this, the smirk on Jeno’s face had morphed into a smile of pure love. He wrapped his arms tighter around you, pulling you into his chest as he let out a sigh, dropping his head onto yours and placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘That sounds amazing.’ He whispered. ‘As long as I don’t have to help with Maths.’ 

He heard you giggle into his chest, your body moving slightly with laughter at his words.

‘Deal. I’ll help with Maths, but that means you have to do science.’ You bargained, and Jeno nodded, leaning in to give you a kiss.

And he didn’t tell you this then, but he hoped with every fibre of his being that he was in that picture.

---

Jeno hit the final pose, staring into the mirror as he breathed heavily. The other six boys around him were in similar positions, all trying to catch their breath after their run through of the dance. They had been in the practice room for over seven hours now, they were tired, hungry, their muscles ached and they just wanted to go home.

The choreographer called for a fifteen minute break, telling them to get a drink of water and then they would run it through one final time. The boys nodded, waiting until he had left the room before they all collapsed onto the floor, the exhaustion of the day catching up to them.

The seven of them lay there, all in an ungraceful heap when the door creaked open again. Jisung sat up in a rush, thinking it was the choreographer, but immediately falling down again when he saw who it was. The confused Jeno, and he was about to sit up and have a look when your laugh echoed throughout the room.

‘I take it you guys are tired.’ You teased, walking through the mess of bodies to greet their manager who was sitting on their phone in the corner.

You didn’t get much more than a few groans in greeting, making you sigh and hold up the bag you had brought with you.

‘I brought food for you guys!’ You announced, unable to stop yourself from laughing at the sudden energy burst in the room.

The boys began to sit up, and you quickly moved into the middle of them, placing the bag down and sitting yourself next to Jeno.

‘What about the choreographer?’ Renjun asked no one in particular.

‘They won’t be back for another ten minutes, just have a snack and drink and, you can stay to eat the rest after we finish.’ Their manager replied from their spot in the corner of the room before turning their attention back to their phone.

The boys all grinned at each other letting out excited shouts as they looked through the food you brought. They all grabbed a snack each, wasting no time in digging in to refuel. 

‘So, what flavour have you got this time?’ Jaemin asked, noticing the cup in your hand that bared the logo of your favourite frozen yoghurt shop.

‘It’s called “Tropical Breeze” apparently and I have no idea what’s in it.’ You informed him, mumbling the last part slightly as you looked at the cold treat you were holding. It was a mixture of orange, yellow and red swirls, with a few white spots here and there. ‘It’s nice though.’

Jaemin let out a chuckle as Chenle spoke up.

‘Do you think this will be the one you get twice then?’

You simply grinned at him, humming thoughtfully before shaking your head in reply.

Jeno laughed at that, accepting the energy drink you held out to him. He took a few gulps, thankful beyond belief that you had thought to refrigerate them before bringing them here. He could feel the liquid cooling him down as he flopped his body down on top of your legs, curing up into you.

You instinctively brought your hand down to his hair, running your fingers through it as he gently hummed happily. For once, the boys seemed to decide to leave the two of you in peace, rather than tease you within an inch of your lives.

‘You tired baby?’ You asked, feeling Jeno nod in response. ‘You’re almost there, the day’s almost over.’

Jeno smiled at that, the simplest words, even ones that he’d told himself multiple times that day had so much more power coming from you. Your comforting whispers, accompanied by the hand you were running through his hair all allowed him to finally catch his breath.

Just at the moment he sat up, the choreographer strutted back in, calling for the boys to stand and run it through one final time. He tore himself away from you, making his way to his starting position as you moved the food out of the way before setting down by the side of the practice room.

Jeno wasn’t sure how you had managed to befriend the choreographer but he was thankful you did, because it meant that you were allowed to sit in the corner and watch their practices sometimes. 

Jeno looked over at you as the music began and you sent him a reassuring nod as he began to dance, suddenly finding himself a lot more energised than before.

---

You knocked lightly on Jeno’s door, keeping it quiet just in case he was asleep. You couldn’t see any light coming from the crack under the door, but Jaemin had assured you that he was still awake. You’d gotten a call from Jaemin, asking you if there was any way you could come around tonight. Apparently, the choreography teacher hadn’t been in the nicest mood today, leaving Jeno to be on the receiving end of his temper tantrum. That, accompanied with a diet and the pressure the boys were under to make this show great, were not adding up to a good day.

You knocked again, this time hearing a small mumble from the inside that vaguely resembled the words ‘come in’. You took that as a sign and pushed open the door slightly to peak inside.

The room was dark, the curtains pulled shut in order to block out any light left in the day, and the bedside light was also switched off. Jeno was a lump underneath his duvet, the cover pulled right up to his face so that you could hardly see him.

You approached him quietly, gently sighing when you saw the state he was in. You sat next to him, softly stroking some hair out of his face and leaning in to place a kiss on his forehead.

Jeno sniffed quietly, clearly not wanting you to see him so upset, but you didn’t want to leave him alone right now. You kept running your fingers through his hair, whispering comforting words over and over.

‘It’s okay, you just need sleep and then you’ll be in tomorrow. Tomorrow’s a new day and you can start fresh then. It’s gonna be alright, I promise you.’

Jeno shut his eyes, nodding along to what you were saying, trying to make himself believe it.

‘Do you want me to massage your muscles?’

Jeno opened his eyes at your offer, sending you a sad smile and shaking his head. He instead lifted an arm, opening his duvet to you.

‘Could you just come here?’ He whispered pleadingly to you, wanting nothing more than to just hug you as close to him as he possibly could for the remainder of the night.

You smiled at him lovingly, immediately placing your phone on his bedside table before lying down next to him. You curled up into his warmth, snaking an arm around his waist to give him a comforting squeeze. You felt his grip around you get gradually tighter and tighter, and you nuzzled your head further into his chest, feeling his relax slightly as you did so.

‘I’m going to be here.’ You whispered. ‘When you go to sleep I’ll be here and I’ll still be here when you wake up, I promise.’

Jeno nodded at that, leaning down to kiss your forehead, before shutting his eyes. You leant up to place a kiss wherever you could reach, eventually settling for the bottom of his neck. He smiled slightly, prompting you to do it again.

‘Tickles.’ He muttered, unable to stop a small chuckle from escaping him when you did it a third time. ‘Stop.’

You giggled to yourself, glad that he was smiling before sleeping and relaxing back into his embrace. After a short while, the two of you finally fell asleep, both your hearts as intertwined as your bodies were.

You fell asleep first, missing the sentence that Jeno whispered into your hair as he let sleep take him.

‘I love you so much.’

---

Jeno lay on the grass in the park where the two of you first met. He came here quite often, sometimes with you, sometimes alone. But he always came to just remember the day he met you, the day his life changed for the better. Jeno didn’t know where he would be or how he would be living if he hadn’t had the courage to walk up to you that day on the bridge.

He heard footsteps approaching from behind him, and turned to look at you as you lay down in the grass next to him. Your head gently hit the ground, and the two of you turned to face each other, gently smiling in greeting before turning your eyes back to the sky.

As always, the two of you waited before saying anything, just letting the tranquility of the night relax you before speaking.

‘Three stars in a row, completely straight, do you see them?’ You asked, pointing them out as best you could. Jeno nodded, allowing you to continue. ‘That’s Orion’s belt. According to Greek mythology, Orion was a hunter, and a good one at that. However, he was also very proud, he even boasted that he would kill every beast of the earth, and that he was a better hunter than Artemis. This angered Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt, so much so that, to teach him a lesson, she sent a scorpion after him. There was a huge battle between the two, ending in the scorpion fatally stinging Orion. Zeus placed both Orion and the scorpion in the sky, however, on opposite sides of the earth. This is so that their feud will remain in the past, and that is why you will never see Orion and the Scorpion in the sky at the same time.’

Jeno didn’t reply, just simply smiled at the constellation, finding it difficult to take his eyes off it now that you had explained the story.

‘There’s multiple versions to it. One includes Gaia, who is the protector of all animals, and one-’

‘I like it.’ Jeno interrupted your ramblings. ‘Most of these myths have many versions, just tell me your favourites.’ He reached out, intertwining your fingers and giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

The two of you continued to lie there in silence. It had become tradition for you to bring a new constellation to your conversation every time you met, and you had decided to find the mythology behind it and bring that too. At first you were worried that you had been annoying him about it, that was until Renjun and Jisung let it slip that he was going back to the dorms and relaying the stories to the boys at every chance he got.

‘You know, I don’t think I’d change anything.’ Jeno spoke, breaking the silence. ‘We always speak about what we would change in our lives, or what we hope to change in the future, but, for the first time, I don’t think I’d change anything.’

‘Really? Not even my habit of taking long showers?’ You questioned, raising an eyebrow at him teasingly.

‘Stop it! I’m being serious.’ He whined, nudging you with his elbow. ‘I really don’t think there’s anything major that I would change. I really like things the way they are, and I hope they stay like this.’

You smiled up at the sky at his words, thinking about your own life and whether there was anything you would change.

‘I’d speak to my mum more.’ You admitted. ‘I miss her, a lot, yet every time I have the chance to speak to her, I chicken out. I don’t know if I’m nervous as to what she’s going to ask, or just convincing myself that it’s going to be a drastically long conversation, but... I want to speak to her more.’

‘Why don’t you go for a walk with her instead? That way you can stop at a cafe for a coffee and actually have a conversation.’ Jeno suggested. ‘You have a free morning next week.’

‘I’ll call her tomorrow, and set the date.’

You nodded towards the sky, sealing the promise. It always went like this. One of you would begin to talk, confess something that they wish they were doing differently, and the other would offer solutions. The only catch was, you had to try their suggestion.

‘Did you know that, due to the amount of light years it takes for the light of the stars to reach us, most of the stars that we’re seeing have already burnt out?’ Jeno changed the subject, 

‘The sky’s like a graveyard.’

‘A graveyard of stars.’ You mumbled, not noticing the way Jeno turned his head to smile at you. ‘I think stars are brave, because they shine so brightly when everything around them is dark.’

You turned to look at Jeno, finding him already looking at you, trying to stop his smile from growing.

‘What?’ You complained and he looked back at the sky, letting a laugh escape him.

‘Nothing.’ He grinned. ‘You’re just cute.’

You smiled at him, rolling over so that you landed on his chest, his arm that was previously resting under his head coming down to hold your shoulder. 

‘I think I’d like to be buried in the sky.’ You rambled, not thinking too much as to what you were saying. Jeno hummed to let you know he was listening as you continued. ‘Just to be up there, lighting the night sky... it would be nice to do that for eternity.’

‘You light up my sky.’ Jeno whispered into your hair, pulling you as close as he could as the two of you watched the night pass you by, closer to the stars than the two of you would ever know.

---

You laughed at what Jaemin said as your head came down to rest on Jeno’s shoulder. He noticed this and tilted his to place a soft peck on your forehead. You had been at the dorms pretty much all day, Jeno having called you as soon as he heard that their dance practice had been pushed back until tomorrow.

You had all just finished dinner and were currently sitting around the table idly chatting. Jeno’s arm came around your waist, pulling you even closer as you leaned into him. You sneaked a quick look at your watch, sighing when you realised what time it was.

‘I should probably go.’ You announced dejectedly, attempting to stand but Jeno immediately tightened his grip around you whining slightly into your shoulder.

‘Stay.’ He begged, drawing out the word.

‘I really wish I could, but you have practice early tomorrow and you need rest. Plus I have stuff to finish so I need a good night’s sleep too.’ You replied, still trying to crawl out of your boyfriend’s grip. ‘Jeno let go! You’re holding me like you’ll never see me again.’ You laughed, as the other three boys watched you struggle, making no attempt to help you whatsoever.

‘Fine.’ Jeno grumbled, loosening his grip around your waist.

You finally stood, grabbing your phone and making sure you had your car keys before turning back to Jeno who was sitting at the table pouting at you.

‘Nope, not gonna work.’ You stated, thankful that the lengthy time the two of you had been together had made you almost immune to his puppy dog eyes.

Renjun, Jaemin and Jisung took the moment to say a few quick goodbyes, and Jeno walked with you to the door.

‘Are you sure you can’t stay?’ He whispered, leaning down to give you a deep kiss.

‘You really had to go and make it even harder for me to leave, didn’t you?’ You murmured against his lips, as he nodded in reply.

You summoned every once of self control that you had and pulled back, ignoring the huff that escaped Jeno as you did. You reached up to stroke his cheek slightly.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow evening? I can stay over then?’ You offered and Jeno immediately smiled back at you.

‘Perfect.’ He muttered and leant back in to give you one final kiss.

He then stepped back and the two of you smiled at each other as you began to walk away.

---

You sat in your car, humming along to the song on the radio as you pulled up to a red light. You thought back to the night you had just had and couldn’t stop the smile from stretching across your face. You hadn’t seen the boys in a while so it had been really nice to spend the day with them, and seeing Jeno was always something that you loved.

You noticed the light turn green, and you moved forward. The song on the radio came to a stop, the next one playing soon after and you instantly recognised it as one of Jeno’s favourite songs. He had played it for you that morning. You leaned down to turn up the volume to listen to it, taking your eyes away from the road for a second too long. You weren’t paying attention to the truck that had just barrelled through the red light opposite you. You didn’t see it skid out of control, spinning towards your car at speed.

You just lifted your eyes back to the road when-

Crash.

---

Jeno got the call two hours later. He listened as the words crackled down the phone he held to his ear.

‘Hello?’ He answered, not recognising the number.

‘Is this Lee Jeno?’ The voice asked him without returning Jeno’s greeting.

‘Yes this is him.’ Jeno replied, standing up from the table he was sat at with Jaemin, Jisung and Renjun, instead choosing to move to the corner of the room for a bit of privacy.

‘Jeno, my name is Dr Park, I’m calling from Seoul Medical Centre. You are currently listed as the emergency contact for a y/n y/l/n.’

‘Yeah that’s my girlfriend, is everything okay?’ Jeno asked quietly, not noticing the confused looks the boys were sending each other behind his back. He ran a hand through his hair to calm himself as he could feel his nerves begin to rise.

‘I’m sorry to tell you that no, everything is not okay, Mr Lee. I regret to inform you that y/n y/l/n has been involved in a car accident just over an hour ago. Our team tried all they could but unfortunately it wasn’t enough. I’m so sorry Mr Lee, but on the way to the hospital, she passed away...’

The rest of the words faded into nothingness, the phone falling from his grip as he stared ahead, his entire body feeling numb. The three other boys in the kitchen stared at him in confusion, Jaemin quickly moved to grab Jeno by the arms, asking what happened, Jisung watched him in confusion while Renjun picked up his phone from the ground and asked the person on the other side what was going on. Renjun’s face paled as he heard the news, quickly thanking the doctor on the line before hanging up and turning towards the rest of the boys.

He swallowed, staring as Jeno’s catatonic figure before speaking, his voice trembling.

‘There- there was a car accident. A drunk driver hit y/n’s car. She... she didn’t make it.’

Jaemin and Jisung’s heads whipped towards Jeno, both of them staring at him with wide eyes, as if waiting for him to confirm the news.

‘Y/n...’ Jaemin began, only to be interrupted by Jeno’s voice.

‘She’s dead.’ He stated, his voice surprisingly firm. ‘She’s dead.’ He repeated, much softer this time. His eyes turned to his best friend. ‘Y/n? She’s dead? My... my y/n’s dead?’ Jaemin nodded slowly, watching as the tears began to fill Jeno’s eyes. His breath started to leave him as the realisation dawned on him and the news began to sink in.

You were dead. You were never coming back.

Jaemin moved forwards, wrapping Jeno up in the most secure hug he had ever felt in his life. It took him a second before he could even respond, wrapping his own arms around his friend. As each second ticked away, he could feel his grip tighten, the thoughts swimming around his head gradually drowning him.

‘I’m not...’

Jaemin shushed him, rubbing his back in an attempt to calm him. Jeno just gave up, pushing his head in Jaemin’s neck as he finally broke down. The cries tearing from him sounded painful, but it was nothing to the pain he was feeling in his chest. Jeno was in so much pain, it felt as though he could feel his heart physically splitting in half.

‘I’m not ready for this.’ He sobbed. And he wasn’t. Jeno had no idea how to live his life without you in it, and it wasn’t anything he wanted to know how to do. But now, that was about to become his new reality.

---

Your funeral was the hardest day of Jeno’s life.

If Jeno thought he had had difficult days before, he was wrong. Today, he had to bury the person he loved more than anything else in this world. He had to leave behind the woman he had hoped to be with forever. He had to admit that she was never coming back.

He had to say goodbye to you.

Getting into the suit he was wearing took three people. Both Jaemin and Renjun had to come in so that they could help him do his tie properly, put in the cufflinks and pull his jacket on. There were about five times while getting dressed Jeno just wanted to give up and go in sweats, but this was for you. When it got difficult, he just reminded himself, this was for you.

He had to greet your family, all of them in tears, reassuring him that you loved him so much as he hugged them. So many other people came up to him, crying and patting him and hugging him to show their sympathy.

He sat through the service feeling completely numb. The loving words from your family and friends sounded muffled, as if he was underwater, and Jeno just focused on trying not to break down.

‘Now we will hear from y/n’s boyfriend, Lee Jeno.’ Those words cut through his haze, grabbing his attention.

Jeno knew this was coming. Soon after your death your family had asked Jeno to give a eulogy, knowing it was what you would have wanted. He had been preparing for it for the past few days, but now, with the letter he had written to you in his hands, he wasn’t sure if he could do it. His hands began to shake as he forced himself to stand.

Do it for y/n.

Jeno whispered this to himself over and over like a prayer as he climbed to the lectern. He placed his speech on the stand in front of him and looked out to the crowd.

He saw your family, all of them drowning in tears, he saw some of your friends he recognised, but his eyes came to rest on the boys. The six other Dream members who had been allowed to come with him to the funeral. All of them gave him nods of encouragement, but Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off Hyuck.

Hyuck was clearly crying, the lights reflecting off the tear marks on his cheeks, yet he still gave a tight lipped smile and a nod, before pointing subtly up to the ceiling and placing his hand on his heart, conveying a message only Jeno could understand.

Do it for y/n.

Jeno bit his lip to stop himself from crying. He had written this for you and now he knew he had to say it. He had to say goodbye. He took a shaky breath and began to speak.

‘When I was asked to write a eulogy for y/n, I thought it would be easy. I would talk about how brilliant of a person that we all knew she was, how much good she brought into the world and, most of all, how much I loved her. But when I sat down to actually write it, to get the words down on paper, I didn’t know where to begin. How do you sum up her entire character, in a few words? The simple answer is, you can’t. All her achievements and all her challenges, no matter how big or small, shaped her into the person that we all know and love today. And we’re only here today, because she can’t be that person for us anymore. I don’t think I can stand in front of you and talk about y/n and how much I love her, simply because I don’t think I’ll be able to do that for more than a few seconds before I break down, so...’ Jeno took another deep breath, blinking back a few of the tears that were threatening to fall. ‘I’m going to talk about tradition. Tradition is defined as the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way. But I think it’s a lot more than that. Traditions aren’t always passed down through generations, sometimes they’re kept just within one lifetime, but that tradition is what makes that lifetime special. Traditions give you a routine that is personal to you, something that you do religiously because it means something to you, because you have a connection to it... because you love it. A tradition that y/n and I had, was to visit the place we met. Even before I was lucky enough to call her mine, we went there once a week just to spend time together. Even when we were together, we would head there at night, to watch the stars, and talk about life. The life we were living, the life we wanted to live, and the life we thought we would be living by now, and every week, we both came back with a different answer. I went with her once a week, and when she asked what life I was living and what I wanted to be living, I realised that they had one thing in common, and that was that they both had y/n in it. No matter where I was, or what I was doing, I knew I would do anything to have her by my side. Because she was my tradition, she was my life. But if I’ve learnt anything about life, it’s that you can’t choose how it’s lived. It chooses that for you, but I would give anything, and I mean anything, just to have told her that I loved her one last time, and that my future didn’t just include her... it was her. I will never forget you, y/n. Quite simply because, you’re not somebody that people forget. I love you, and I will love you for as long as I live. I swear on the stars.’

Jeno lowered his eyes away from the crowd, quickly folding up his paper as he stepped away from the stand. He walked back to his seat, the only sounds being his footsteps and the various cries echoing around from family members and friends. He sank back into his seat, his eyes and heart empty as he watched the service continue.

He didn’t cry. Not for the entire rest of the service. And when it ended, he stood, and made his way towards the exit, not waiting for any of the boys, not waiting for your family, he just left.

Once he got outside, he leant against the wall and looked at the sky. He couldn’t see the stars yet, the sun was still shining down on him, but Jeno still spoke to you, whispering a quiet message for the wind to carry to you, wherever you were.

‘I love you.’

It didn’t take long for everybody else to leave the building, the service being over. The coffin was carried carefully to the burial site, and Jeno stood to the side, watching as it was lowered in with care. Once it disappeared from sight, once you disappeared from sight for the final time, Jeno shut his eyes, finally allowing his tears to escape.

Your parents said a few final words, and everybody started to disperse. The entire part of the service after Jeno’s speech had gone like a flash to him, with him barely aware of what was going on, his body and mind numb from the pain he was recently so used to feeling.

The boys had been sitting further back than Jeno, and were making their way towards him when your family got there first. Your father reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it lightly. He gave Jeno a sad smile, one that he returned as your father’s eyes filled with tears.

‘She would have loved your speech Jeno.’

Jeno didn’t reply, because he didn’t trust himself to speak without completely breaking down. Your mother gently stroked some hair out of his face, cupping his cheeks gently and Jeno failed to hold it in. He couldn’t stop the few tears that slipped down his face, onto the fingers of your mother as she looked at him the same way you used to when he needed comfort.

‘She loved you, so much.’

Jeno nodded. ‘I know, I loved her too.’ He choked out quietly, accepting the hug that your mother pulled him in for and almost losing it at the words she whispered into his ears.

‘She used to say that you were the best thing that ever happened to her. And I will always be thankful that it was you she fell in love with.’

She pulled away, giving him one last smile before the two of them walked away from the daughter they had just buried. 

Jeno turned around, only to be greeted with one of the boys.

‘The rest went to the car, they thought it would be best not to overwhelm you with questions at the minute.’ Hyuck spoke, Jeno nodding gratefully.

Hyuck stepped forward, knowing Jeno well enough to understand what he needed without it being said. He placed his hands on Jeno’s shoulders and pulled him in for a tight hug, one which could only be given by a brother. Jeno immediately wrapped his arms around his friend, burying his head into his shoulder and trying desperately to stop the silent tears that cascaded down his cheeks.

‘I’m not ready to let go.’ Jeno whispered, Hyuck replying after a second pause.

‘I know.’

---

Jeno barely left his room in the two weeks it had been since you had been buried. Yet he still visited you everyday. It was the only time he got out of bed. Otherwise he just lay there, only moving when the pillow got too wet from the constant tears that fell from his face. His parents had wanted to get him and bring him back home, but he refused. It was too far away from you, and he’d promised he would always be close to you, to protect you.

All of the dreamies had tried to help him, tried to get him to get up, to eat, to take a shower, but it was all in vain. They had all come in with food and pleas for him to just sit up, but he never replied. He didn’t have the energy to.

Jeno heard his door creak open and didn’t even bother to open his eyes to see who it was. It didn’t matter. He could hear hushed voices, before soft footsteps as whoever it was approached his bed.

His bed slightly dipped as they say on the end of it, gently moving some of his hair out of his face. Jeno flinched at the sudden contact, not expecting them to touch him and forced his eyes open to look at who it was.

He was greeted with Jaemin smiling sadly down at him. Jeno allowed his eyes to flicker to his clock, the red numbers spelling out 16:21, and all he did was sigh and let his eyes lose focus as he stared into space. It wasn’t like time meant anything to him anymore. Jaemin didn’t try to speak, instead placing the tray of food he was carrying down on Jeno’s bedside table, before reaching up and twisting the blinds slightly so that a crack of light filtered into his room.

Jeno stared at the dust particles he could see floating gently in the midday sun. They seemed so light, so free... Jeno had forgotten what that felt like without you. Eventually, Jeno spoke.

‘I’m not hungry.’ Jeno croaked out before shutting his eyes again, not even having the energy to roll over.

Jaemin sighed before taking a seat on his bed. He pulled the duvet down slightly from his friend’s face, trying to give him more room to breathe, but Jeno held onto it tightly.

‘Jeno... I-’ Jaemin began softly.

‘It’s okay, Jaemin, you don’t have to say anything. You also don’t have to know what to say, I don’t think anyone does.’ Jeno interrupted, stopping Jaemin in his tracks. Jaemin shut his eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing.

‘Yes I do, because this is killing you Jeno. And I’m really scared because... I don’t know how to bring you back.’ Jeno could feel the tears start to well up behind his closed eyes and screwed them shut even tighter. ‘I’m not going to remind you that it happened and life moves on, because that’s bullshit. I’m actually going to tell you to ignore the company.’

That caught Jeno’s attention, he opened his eyes and looked at Jaemin with a curious gaze.

‘What about the company?’ He asked, sitting up slightly as Jaemin shifted uncomfortably, making it clear he said something he shouldn’t have. ‘Jaemin, what about the company?’ 

‘They want you to come back to work.’ Jaemin confessed, making Jeno blink in surprise. ‘Since the fans didn’t know about your relationship, they are struggling to come up with excuses as to why you’ve disappeared for almost a month and... they want you to come back to work. I’m sorry Jeno.’

Jeno didn’t reply for a second, instead just bit his lip and nodded.

‘Why are you sorry?’ He asked. ‘It wasn’t your idea. You didn’t tell me to go back to work. You didn’t kill her.’ His lip began to tremble as he continued to speak. ‘You weren’t the one who let her leave that night.’

‘Jeno what are you saying?’ Jaemin asked, his voice no more than a whisper.

‘I shouldn’t have let her go.’ Jeno admitted, finally voicing the guilt that had been weighing him down since the accident. ‘I told her to stay, but when she insisted on going home, I let her. And that’s when it happened. I should have told her to stay with me, I should have fought harder.’

‘Jeno you didn’t know what would happen.’ Jaemin attempted to comfort his friend, his own voice breaking slightly as the tears began to well up in his eyes.

‘That doesn’t matter. I could have saved her if I had just told her to stay. And now, now I’ll never see her again.’ Jeno’s voice cracked as the tears began to fall again, steady tracing their familiar paths down his cheeks. ‘She’s never going to get to live her life, and now I’m expected to just move on and live mine, acting as though she didn’t get her’s ripped away from her. I could have made her happy and I just... I let her down.’

Jeno brought his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes before he pulled at his hair, the quiet sobs shaking him. Jaemin stared at his friend for a few seconds before finally allowing a few tears of his own to escape.

Then he began to speak.

‘You’re right. She got her life ripped away from her, and she’s never going to live the rest of it. She’s never going to do the things she wanted to, visit the places she’d dreamed of or achieve goals she’d had for years. And maybe she didn’t get the “happy ever after” that the two of you always talked about, but she still got her happy ending. It wasn’t the one you were planning, it wasn’t the one that any of us were planning, and it definitely wasn’t the one that any of us wanted, but she still got one didn’t she?’ Jaemin could feel the emotion begin to take over him, and, despite how hard he could, he couldn’t stop himself from crying as he continued to talk. ‘She was surrounded by so many of us and her friends, and she was always smiling and laughing. She was finally enjoying her studies, no matter how difficult she sometimes found them. She lost herself in her passions, always finding a way to zone out while focusing on them. And most importantly, she was in love, and she was loved. I know how cruel it is that life was ripped away from her, just at the moment she finally began to really appreciate and enjoy it, but just because she was taken too soon doesn’t mean she wasn’t happy. Y/n was truly happy before she died, maybe the happiest she had ever been. Yes, her story has ended. There are no more chapters to read, no more pages to turn except the final one to close the book, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a happy ending for her.’

Any hope Jaemin or Jeno had had of not breaking down in tears was completely ruined by the time Jaemin had finished talking. Both of the boys were practically sobbing, heartbroken at having lost someone they had both deeply cared for.

Jeno sat up fully, reaching his arms out towards his best friend and Jaemin wasted no tie in meeting him. He hugged his friend tighter than he had ever hugged him before, holding onto him as if he would slip through his fingers like you did.

He sat like this for minutes, not having the strength in himself to let go and trust that Jaemin would return to him. Eventually though, he managed to pull away, taking multiple shaky breaths as he calmed himself. Jaemin kept a hand on his friend’s arm, a reminder that he was there.

Jeno opened his eyes and looked towards the food that Jaemin had placed on his bedside table. Instead of looking at the food however, a framed photo caught his eye.

It was a picture of you and Jeno, one that had been taken by one of the boys when the two of them were napping. You were lying half on top of him, one hand placed comfortably on his chest and your head was tucked into his neck. Jeno couldn’t see his left arm as the picture had only been taken of your upper bodies, but he knew it was holding your waist while his right arm was showing in the picture to be tightly wrapped around your shoulders.

Jaemin followed his friend’s gaze towards the photograph, biting his lip to stop the tears again. He watched as Jeno reached out and picked it up, his fingers gently caressing your sleeping face. A soft smile came across Jeno’s face, the first smile that Jaemin had seen on him since your death.

Jaemin reached out and grabbed the tray he had brought in with him. He placed it on Jeno’s lap telling him quietly to eat before he got up and walked towards the door, giving his friend some privacy.

Jeno kept looking at the photograph, staring down at the face of the one who he loved so much. He still loved you, losing you hadn’t diminished his feelings for you at all. And he knew that if you were here you would be heartbroken that he wasn’t taking care of himself.

So Jeno picked up his food, and took a bite.

---

Jeno headed back to work a couple of days after his conversation with Jaemin. He started with dance practice, getting back into the routine of dancing for multiple hours a day with few breaks. He was getting back into it, reminding himself of what it used to be like and also finding it to be a distraction.

He had missed the way he used to lose himself in his dancing, allowing the music to take over his body and just to move to it as he felt best. It wasn’t quite the same as before, it felt as though something was missing, but it was better than nothing.

The boys didn’t have a comeback planned just yet, although they were being assured that something was in the works. Instead, they were performing at an event, therefore needed to be at the top of their game. It would be the first time the fans had seen Jeno in a month.

The company and boys had collectively agreed to not mention where Jeno was, their goal was just to avoid the topic entirely and hope that fans would just be happy that he was back. If they really needed to address it, they had warned Jeno that they would simply say he had a personal matter to attend to that involved him losing someone close to him and would ask for their respect on his privacy about the matter.

The boys were taking a quick break for lunch, Jaemin and Chenle had lost rock paper scissors so they were out buying food, Mark, Renjun and Jisung were filling up water bottles and Hyuck had gone to the bathroom so Jeno was alone in the practice room.

He sat with his back against the wall, the fan directed at his face as he took a sip from his water bottle and tried to cool down. He thought back to the time before everything happened, and how he would always pull out his phone to check something or would be doing other things during their breaks, but now he was content with just looking at the wall on the other side of the practice room.

He heard the squeak of the door and looked to see who was entering, expecting it to be one of the dreamies, so he was surprised when he saw Doyoung enter. 

Doyoung smiled at Jeno as he entered, receiving a nod back from the younger boy. He walked forwards and Jeno stood up to hug his older member. Doyoung held onto him tightly, not saying anything as he didn’t want to upset Jeno.

When he pulled away he saw that Jeno wasn’t crying, nor were his eyes watering. Jeno gave him a small smile that barely reached his eyes and Doyoung patted his head.

It was the first time Jeno had seen Doyoung in a while, the 127 members having been told to give him space rather than smother him with questions and reassurance.

‘How are you feeling?’ Doyoung asked, his voice as gentle as everyone else’s was when they talked to him, as if their voice could break him if it was too loud.

Jeno took a deep breath, before shrugging and giving an honest reply.

‘I haven’t felt anything in a really long time.’

---

Sobs tore from the broken boy’s lips. Jeno had always been so happy, so full of life, people used to smile just by looking at him. Now all he got were sympathetic glances and hushed whispers behind his back. He was losing weight, he was losing sleep, but most of all, he was losing himself. The sunshine personality that seemed to previously define him no longer existed. None of his older brothers realised how much Jeno had relied on you to be happy, and now that you weren’t around anymore, it was becoming clear how much he needed you to function. The darkness residing inside of the boy no longer had your light to drive it away. Every manipulative word, every poisonous ‘what if’ every single other possible way that night could have gone ran through his head. And no one knew how to save him.

Jeno lifted his eyes, staring at your name carved eternally in stone in front of him. He came here every day without fail. Always bringing with him a story, or a love letter or a confession, anything so that he could talk to you the way he used to. And he made sure that he never said the same thing twice. Today, Jeno convinced himself to say the one thing he had been putting off, for the sake of his own sanity. But now, he realised that sanity was overrated, and maybe if he hadn’t put things off, if he hadn’t constantly pushed them to the side, he wouldn’t be in this situation. So he sucked up his pride, and spoke, choking through his words as his voice trembled and broke with emotion.

‘You told me to listen to a certain song, or watch this film, and I always said I’d do it later. Well, it’s later now, and I’m listening and I’m watching, but you’re not here for me to tell you how I felt about them. Why is it that I could only be bothered to listen to your recommendations after you’re gone? Why couldn’t I care enough before you died?’

He leaned down, resting his forehead on the cool stone that held the last memory of his soulmate, choking out one final whisper. 

‘You said you’d grow old with me...’

---

‘Did you know it’s possible to die from a broken heart? Extreme emotional trauma can cause tears in the heart that lead to muscle failure which can eventually lead to death. It’s called broken heart syndrome.’ Jeno spoke quietly, his raspy voice cutting straight through to Renjun’s soul. ‘They say it feels similar to a heart attack, that’s why it’s dangerously misdiagnosed.’ He let out a shaky breath, turning his eyes towards the sky. He focused on the stars, the bright dots that got gradually more blurry due to the tears gathering in his eyes. ‘I always heard the phrase “my heart aches” but I had no idea that it was actually possible to really feel pain in your heart.’

He turned his eyes away from the endless night sky and looked at his friend, who was also sitting on the roof and watching him talk with tears of his own in his eyes. Renjun bit his lip as Jeno continued to talk.

‘But now... now I know. I know just how painful it can be.’ Jeno’s voice broke as Renjun choked back a sob of his own, hugging his knees into his chest and burying his head into his arms.

‘It’s not fair.’ Renjun’s muffled voice spoke out as he tried to pull himself closer to provide some sort of comfort. ‘She didn’t deserve this.’

Jeno shook his head, the tears that were falling felt all too familiar.

‘No she didn’t... she was a star.’ He readjusted his gaze so that he was studying the sky again. ‘My star.’ He whispered. ‘She loved to stargaze. Even though the endless concept of space scared her slightly, she loved seeing something bright shine fearlessly through the darkness. She said they were brave... to be themselves when everything around them is something different and that’s why stars shine the way they do. I always silently hoped that she knew that that was what she was to me. A star in the darkness, lighting the way when I couldn’t see anything. One like the north star, always there, never burning out and guiding people whenever they need it. I never told her... Why didn’t I tell her? Renjun, why didn’t I tell her?’ His voice was no more than a whisper now, one almost lost amongst the night.

‘I don’t know Jeno.’ Renjun admitted back, his voice just as quiet.

‘Well it doesn’t matter now does it? All that matters is, I could’ve told her how much she meant, how important she was, and I didn’t. And now... now I never can.’

Renjun pulled his legs away from his chest, laying them flat on the concrete beneath him and reached his arms out for Jeno. The taller male wasted no time in curling up into his friend, pulling himself into a ball as he let himself cry.

Renjun simply stroked his hair, feeling helpless as to how he could help. Right now the only person Jeno needed was you, and you were never coming back. What scared Renjun the most was that he knew your death was permanent, but there was no telling as to how permanently it had broken Jeno.

‘She’s watching over you, Jeno.’ Renjun reassured his friend, trying as best he could to calm the crying boy down. ‘She’s one of those stars up there, looking down on you now and telling you that you can do it. She may not be next to you anymore, but she’s always going to be here. She may have died, but her memory won’t, because you won’t let it.’ Jeno’s breaths gradually got steadier as he listened to Renjun’s comforting words. ‘Do you know which star I think she is?’ Renjun asked and Jeno nodded slowly as he turned his eyes to the sky. ‘That one... because it’s the brightest.’

Jeno followed Renjun’s finger to spot the star he was pointing to, and he wasn’t wrong, it was without a doubt, the brightest one in the sky. Jeno smiled sadly, nodding in agreement.

‘That’s my girl...’ Jeno whispered to himself, unable to take his eyes off the star Renjun had dedicated to you. Right then and there Jeno suddenly realised that he knew something for certain. You would always be with him, no matter where he went. And that as long as he had you, he would be okay.

---

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it just means letting go. You were never going to grow old, never going to go stargazing with him again, never going to have discussions about the meaning of life at 2am, never going to play with your kids on the playground, never going to kiss his cheek and stroke his hair while telling him to breathe. And it isn’t supposed to be okay, but in the end, it has to be. Life doesn’t wait for you to come to terms with it, it moves on, even when you aren’t ready for it or it isn’t fair.

Jeno is trying. He’s trying to think less about everything you missed out on, and more about everything that he got to experience with you. He likes to think about how you made a point of going to the same frozen yogurt place on your way to visit him at work, just so that you could try every flavour there, even though you already had your favourite. Or about the way you tried to learn a new constellation for each time the two of you went stargazing just so that you could teach it to him. And he fondly remembers your dedication to laughing at every single one of jokes, even the ones he knew weren’t funny. And he can never help but smile when he remembers the feeling of coming back into your apartment after a long day, and immediately being pulled into dance to whatever music you were playing while you made dinner, and how it was as if all the stress of the day melted off him.

Jeno now knows that you were right. Nothing ever really does end. Not a story, not a relationship, not a life. Even though your story may have come to it’s finish, it still lives on. Your heart may have stopped, but you are still living in the lives of those who you touched. Jeno sees you in everybody. He sees you in Jisung’s hopeful nature, the way he always tries to see the good in situations that otherwise seem dire. He sees you in Donghyuck’s ability to lift his spirits, even when he hasn’t smiled in days. He sees you in Chenle’s honesty, how he can always rely on Chenle to give him the truth when he asks for it. He sees you in Renjun’s inquisitive nature, the way he always wants to know more about the world and the universe, or in the way he always points out the brightest star in the sky. Just like you used to. He sees you in Mark’s reliability, the way that, no matter how stressed out he was feeling or how busy he was, when Jeno needed him, Mark was there. And Jeno sees you in Jaemin. He knows that you connected with Jaemin more than Jaemin had ever admitted, and Jeno also knows that losing you hurt a lot more than his friend had let on. He sees you in Jaemin’s attempts to keep himself together, because he knew that Jeno needed him. He sees you in Jaemin’s habit of bringing him a meal on the nights he knew that he hadn’t eaten. He sees you in Jaemin’s determination and drive to continue with what he was passionate about no matter the challenges it proposed. And he sees you in his smile. In the pure, unedited happiness that always radiated off his best friend when he smiled.

Jeno can’t help but see you everywhere he goes. He sees you in the snow gently falling to the ground, remembering how you would always insist on going outside when it started snowing, no matter what time of day it was. He sees you in the rain splashing on the pavement outside the dorm, remembering how you loved to curl up on his chest with a book, always liking the window slightly open because the smell and sound of rain comforted you. But most of all, more than anything, he sees you in the sun. The golden beams that warm his cold being, gently caressing his limbs remind him of how you would gently rub your hands over his aching muscles. The way that everything revolves around the sun, the way that without it, the world would be dark and empty, reminds him of the importance you had. How much you meant to him.

Jeno will never forget you. He told you this when you were alive, he’s said it to the boys, he repeated it at your funeral and he’s told it to your grave multiple times since then. But he doesn’t need to say it anymore, because you’ll never leave him. And that’s not because you touched everyone around you, but because you touched him. You had such a massive impact on his life that Jeno knows he will never be the same. He wouldn’t be able to forget you even if he tried.

Jeno’s learnt a lot over the past few months. He’s learnt that death didn’t happen to you. It happened to everyone around you. It happened to everyone who you left behind, everyone left standing at your funeral wondering how they’re going to live the rest of their lives without you in it. He’s learnt that, sometimes life throws you curveballs, sometimes it makes you live a reality you would do anything to avoid, but he’s also learnt that it doesn’t give you a choice. Most importantly, however, he’s learnt that he doesn’t owe it to you, to himself, to the sun, or even the stars to grieve forever.

Because letting go of you is the hardest thing that Jeno has ever had to do.

And it took him a long time, but eventually, finally, Jeno learned, sometimes letting go, hurts less than holding on.

‘Sleep well, my love. You’ve earned it.’

[hopelesshawks]

We already talked about this in dms but like👀 Keigo and a female reader that he thinks is just all cute and shit. But nah she’s actually one of the best dancers in japan and specializes in badass and sexy dances

I went down such a rabbit hole picking out the choreo for this for zero reason 💀💀💀 but man am I here for it. For those curious what I pictured writing this it’s this dance at time code 7:27 choreography is by Jojo Gomez

It’s an 18+ one y’all, minors dni. Warnings for dom/sub dynamics, mention of reader having a vagina, fingering, hand jobs, light edging, light nipple play, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, minor praise kink

“So when are you finally gonna seal the deal with (y/n)?” Mirko asks Hawks one day as they walk their usual patrol route. It’s a quiet day and quiet days always made Mirko more likely to pry. “Seal the deal?” Hawks asks. “Y’know... Do the devil’s tango? Make the beast of two backs? Teach her the birds and the bees?” Mirko teases, wiggling her eyebrows and crowding into his personal space. Hawks rolls his eyes hard and shoves her out of his space, not that it deters her. “It’s not like that,” he tells his nosy friend but she just scoffs in response. “Don’t play like you don’t want to get all up on her, Hawks. You go to that cafe she works at every night after your shift and I’m pretty sure you don’t even like coffee,” Mirko points out. “I like coffee,” Hawks retorts mulishly. “No you don’t.” “Drop it Mirko.” “Oh c’mon! It’ll be easier if you just admit it.” “Fine! She’s adorable, you happy?” Hawks finally huffs, red tinting his cheeks. There’s a beat of silence before Mirko responds but it’s not quite the response Hawks is expecting. “Wait you think (y/n)... is adorable?” Mirko asks. “What do you mean? She is!” Hawks replies defensively. “Relax tough guy, adorable just isn’t the word I’d use to describe her,” Mirko shrugs. “How else would you describe her? She always seems kinda sleepy on her shift and she wears those big oversized sweatshirts,” Hawks elaborates but Mirko continues to look confused by his assessment of you. “Have you never seen her dance before?” Mirko finally asks. “She dances?” Hawks responds.

In Hawks’ personal opinion, Mirko’s reaction is over dramatic. She had stopped in her tracks and stared at him as if he’d sprouted a third head or announced an early retirement. “What?” he asks, even more defensive than before. Mirko heaves a sigh as if Hawks’ ignorance is her greatest source of disappointment. “I forget sometimes you live under a rock, Jesus Christ. We really do need to talk about you getting out more for things other than work and creeping on the sexy dancer barista you have a crush on. Why do you think she’s so tired every shift?” Mirko asks in disbelief. “She’s a student isn’t she? I assumed school stuff!” “You really are hopeless.” “Hey!” “She has rehearsal before her shift dummy, she’s tired from practicing.” “How do you know so much about it huh?” “Well for starters her group has literally won competitions so jot that down. And two we follow each other on Twitter.” “Why do I even ask you things?” Hawks laments. “Shut up, I have an idea,” Mirko suddenly grins. “Oh god, what the fuck are you planning now?” Hawks groans. “I think we should pay (y/n) a little visit during rehearsal, don’t you?”

Hawks follows Mirko through the halls of the university rec center with a growing sense of dread. She looks mischievous and that’s usually a sign that Hawks is going to regret whatever he just signed up for. After they round a final corner, Hawks can clearly hear music coming out of a room down the hall labeled rehearsal room B. Hawks and Mirko push through the door right as the song stops and immediately Hawks realizes that this was a mistake. Gone is your oversized hoodie, instead you’re in just a pair of sweats and a sports bra, covered in sweat and chest still heaving from whatever dance you and the two other girls with you had just done. Hawks should’ve just ignored Mirko and waited to look up one of your dances on YouTube in the privacy of his own apartment. “Hey (y/n)!” Mirko calls out cheerily even as Hawks mentally curses her out for dragging him here. Your gaze snaps over to the two of them and immediately you break out into a wide grin, the same one Hawks had been fawning over as cute and precious for the past several weeks. “What are you two doing here?” you ask as your friends grab water. “We were in the neighborhood and I remember you mentioning you rehearse around this time so I figured why not swing by?” Mirko replies and god does Hawks hate her right now. “You guys have perfect timing actually, we’re working on something to the song ‘Ride’ by Ciara and it would be really great to get an outside opinion on it. Would you guys mind sticking around to check it out? I promise it’ll be quick the other girls have something right after this,” you ask the two pros, giving your best puppy dog eyes. Hawks wants to politely decline, he’s having enough trouble keeping himself in check as it is thank you very much, but before he can Mirko is already agreeing and he doesn’t have the heart to shut things down when you look so excited. “Ah amazing!! Ok! Just sit at the front of the room and be our audience!” you beam and Hawks is helpless but to comply.

Hawks’ eyes trace over every inch of your body as you start the music and then get into the starting formation of the dance. Hawks can tell the moment you’ve focused in on performing your choreography because your whole demeanor and energy shifts. It’s commanding and confident and very, very sexy. He’s starting to understand Mirko’s reaction to his earlier description of you because the woman he sees before him now? Well adorable doesn’t quite fit the bill anymore. He’s already half hard in his work pants, much to his chagrin. What would the tabloids say if they knew he was getting this aroused in public? It’s not exactly befitting of the number two hero considering he’s supposed to be a role model for future generations. But could anyone blame him? The way you move your body and swing your hips is mesmerizing. At one point you slowly roll your body down to grind your hips to the floor and it’s impossible for Hawks not to imagine you using that same precise control to grind down onto his dick. He tries to focus on the music instead in hopes it will help him calm down but it only takes a second for him to realize the song is painting the very same image he’s trying desperately to clear from his head. He’s almost positive Mirko is smirking beside him but he can’t focus on her, you’ve captured the entirety of his attention.

Then the chorus hits and Hawks is really in trouble. You’re singing along. You’re singing “they love the way I ride it” and making direct fucking eye contact with him while you swing your hips in a slow, sensual grind and how can he not react to that? His wings flare and puff out instinctively, his cheeks going red, and his dick is now fully erect and leaking precum into his boxers. It would be mortifying if he weren’t too focused on your every move to truly remember his surroundings. Eventually the song ends and even though Mirko stands to go compliment you and your friends on a job well done, Hawks stays rooted in place. He doesn’t dare move as his painfully hard cock twitches in his pants. Sweat drips down your neck and god he wants to lick it off you so goddamn bad he barely even notices you saying bye to Mirko and your friends until the door is shutting behind them.

Hawks hasn’t even fully registered that the two of you are now alone in the room before he’s coming up behind you and wrapping an arm around your bare torso. You open your mouth to ask what’s up with him when you suddenly feel his erection against your backside. “Tell me you don’t want this or I won’t be able to stop,” he all but growls against the shell of your ear. “What if I do want it though?” you ask breathlessly as you shamelessly grind your ass back against his throbbing dick. The moan that crawls its way out of his throat in response is guttural, he genuinely can’t think of a time he’s ever been more turned on in his life as he wastes no time spinning you around to face him and pressing you up against the wall. “You knew what you were doing didn’t you?” he asks before dropping his nose down to run along your jaw. You shudder as he licks a long stripe up your neck, delighting in the salty taste of your sweat. “Maybe?” you hedge at first but then he bites the column of your throat hard enough you’re sure it’ll leave a mark and you can’t help but whimper. He draws back to look you in the eye, his pupils blown so wide they’ve almost completely consumed his golden irises. “Don’t lie to me little dove,” he warns. “I may have gone a little harder than usual because you were watching me,” you admit and it’s apparently the right answer as Hawks all but chirps his satisfaction before leaning down to press a bruising kiss to your lips that has you melting. One of his hands slides up to grasp and squeeze one of your breasts but even that is not enough for him and in the next moment one of his feathers glides in to swiftly cut your sports bra off entirely. You’re about to protest but the words die in your throat as Hawks starts pinching and twisting one of your nipples. “Does that feel good little dove?” he asks and all you can do is let your head fall back against the wall and nod your approval.

Hawks takes advantage of your head’s position to resume leaving marks on your exposed neck as his free hand snakes its way into your sweatpants and panties. As his fingers finally reach your dripping sex you feel him moan against the sensitive skin of your throat. “You’re so wet for me already,” he notes as he slowly slides a finger inside of you. “Want you, need you,” is all you can keen as he drags his one finger torturously slowly inside of you. “Want me that bad love?” Hawks teases and your answering nod is almost frantic as he inserts another finger and takes careful note of the way you squirm. “Use your words,” he commands. “I want you so bad Hawks please,” you beg but even as he uses his thumb to lightly brush against your sensitive clit he still doesn’t budge. “I don’t know, you were so naughty teasing me so much in front of Mirko and your friends. Do you understand how turned on I was?” he asks but you can only whimper in response. You jerk your hips forward in desperate search of more friction or movement or something but all that accomplishes is Hawks using the hand not currently buried inside you to hold your hips still. “I want you to feel how turned on your little show made me little dove. Can you do that?” he asks. “Y-yes,” you moan before obediently reaching one hand out to feel his hardened length through his pants. God he’s so big, and it only emphasizes to you how much you want him inside you. “Not gonna get much done from there, little dove, don’t be shy. I want you to feel me, feel the cock you’re so fucking desperate for,” he growls, slowly dragging his fingers in and out of you to emphasize his point. It’s so good but it’s not nearly enough so you fumble with the belt and button of his pants until finally, finally you can slip your hand past the waistband and into his boxers to grasp firm hold of his weeping cock.

It doesn’t take long for the two of you to find a devastating rhythm, your hands moving in sync to drive both of you towards your respective climaxes. Your moans echo around the small practice room and it’s music to Hawks’ ears. You’re close, so close, right on the precipice of orgasm when suddenly Hawks is leaning in to whisper into your ear a simple command: “Stop.” His hand stops moving and then he slowly extracts his fingers from inside you. You whine at the loss, pussy desperately clenching around nothing but you obediently stop your hand's movement. "Don't look so disappointed, I thought you wanted my dick," Hawks teases. "I do, fuck, I do," you groan. "Be specific. What do you want?" "I want your dick inside me, please Hawks I'm begging, I want it so bad," you whine. What a pretty sight you make squirming and whining for him. Hawks thinks he could watch you like this forever but even he is starting to get impatient so he decides to finally give you what you want. He shoves his own pants and boxers down low enough for his dick to spring out of its confines, the head flushed red and glistening with precum. Meanwhile his feathers push down your own sweatpants and panties as you watch him with half-lidded eyes, eager to finally feel his hardened length inside you. He has you wrap your arms around his shoulders and places his hands on your waist. "Hop up pretty girl," he commands and you eagerly obey, allowing him to lift you and then wrapping your legs around his waist to further support you weight. "Ready?" he asks. "God, yes Hawks please," you groan as he lines himself up with your waiting entrance. Hawks complies with an almost feral grin, wasting no time in shoving himself fully inside you. You groan as his thick length stretches you open but the slight burn feels so good as he fills you up. "You're doing so good for me, baby. So good," he praises and you practically purr your satisfaction. "P-please. Move," you moan and Hawks doesn't need to be told twice as he begins fucking into you in earnest. All words are lost between the two of you, the only language you need being the moans, groans, whimpers, and whines the two of you pull out of each other. As he drills into you harder and harder you rapidly feel yourself once again approaching climax. "Hawks I'm gonna-" you start but he cuts you off. "Me too baby, hold out a little longer and we'll cum together ok?" he ask. "Ok," you whimper, trying so hard to be good for him. Just a few long deep strokes later he finally gives you permission to cum and almost immediately you cry out his name, clenching and squeezing around him as he tumbles into his own climax. His groan is long and low as he spills his seed inside you and you relish each and every moment of it.

As the two of you finally come down from your highs Hawks carefully sets you back down on the ground. "Shit," he swears. "You can say that again," you laugh breathlessly. "Maybe I should invite you to more rehearsals from now on," you joke. "I'd much rather you give me a private show at my place," he replies easily. "I think I can make that work." "Good." "When would you like your first performance?" "How about now? You were just bragging about how much 'they' like it when you ride it. Time to put your money where your mouth is." "I'd like nothing more."

[imgonnapanic]

Third gym squad with a theater kid s/o:

Kuroo Tetsurou

Tbh, he knew what he was signing up for when he started dating you.

He’s just not used to it, because he doesn’t have many extroverted friends who aren’t annoying pieces of-

I can envision you both going on the hub to watch pirated musicals. Hamilton, Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, you name it.

He loooves your singing voice, even if it’s your nervous purposely bad one.

You love the musicals that include allll the good stuff (trauma, death, tragedy, etc.)

Or the iconic ones. You can’t forget about those.

So you’re less-than-thrilled when your school chooses “Honk! The Musical” for this years play.

It’s a spin off of the ugly duckling that no one has heard of.

And when you come up to Kuroo sulking about this boring play you’re emotionally obliged to do, he can’t help but laugh a little.

But his laughter stops when he sees your eyes down at your shoes.

And then he shuts the fuck up because you’re actually upset.

After assuring that you will still be Broadway material even if you’re dressed up as a goose, you feel a little better.

In the two weeks leading up to auditions, Kuroo is starting to get caught humming “A Poultry Tale” at practice.

I mean, his Spotify feed went from Kendrick Lamar to Legally Blonde within one month of dating you, so cut the guy a break.

The day of auditions, you’re a bundle of nerves as you go over the dumb song again and again.

And Kuroo is like “calm down babe you’re gonna do great.”

That sure did a ton.

“Shut up Heather”

...

“Sorry Heather”

He’s also a bundle of nerves at practice, though. He just couldn’t let you see it.

By now, all of the Nekoma team knows you’re auditioning today, and the minute he walks in he just holds up a hand.

“They’re auditioning as we speak”

He’s not surprised when you get the lead.

He looks like the cat who ate the canary he’s a little amused when he figures out the lead is named “Ugly” but by now he has learned to keep it on the inside.

Your schedule is now jam packed, but that’s okay, because Nationals are also coming up for Kuroo and needs to put in some extra hours at the gym anyways.

You better believe two months later Kuroo is making his entire team buy a ticket.

Kuroo didn’t even get to see you on opening night because of dress rehearsals, but that’s okay.

He cleared his entire schedule that day and now has time to wallow in his own excitement and buy you some flowers.

He’s there with the squad team at 6PM sharp, dressed up, and trying to keep his dignity.

When you first walk on stage, the team snickers a little bit at your costume, but Kuroo was completely enraptured by your singing voice, your blocking, your makeup, everything.

This was much better than the demo CD that they had given you.

Afterwards, he gives you your flowers and is glued to your side for the rest of the night, babbling about how proud he was of you, and how talented you are, Nekoma team be damned.

Tsukishima Kei

Tsukki-poo already had a soft spot for the arts before he met you.

Not that he would tell anyone, ever.

When you started dating him though, it gave him an excuse to share his favorite soundtracks.

“you can hit that note, you know.”

*cue the arguing about how you aren’t Barbara Streisand*

When you two are walking through the hallway with him and you see the poster reading “Auditions for Karasuno High School’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ are open!” You start freaking out.

You love that movie! And Kei tolerates it!

Kei honestly thought you would be Ariel/Prince Eric when he first heard you singing “Part of Your World”

Like, you have the voice of a fucking lark. The directors have to be batshit crazy not to cast you.

In his humble opinion.

So he’s a bit taken aback when you get the role of Flounder, but he’s very proud anyways. Especially after you explain that there’s musical numbers that you’re in that aren’t in the movie.

He just hates your director for no reason now.

Practicing your lines with him in your free time becomes almost inevitable because you both have nothing else better to do.

And he can see how into it you are.

And let me just say that you are killing it.

Seriously. You have no problem getting into character, and Kei doesn’t say this much but-

It’s fucking adorable, okay? He has little goth moths in his stomach.

And he can’t wait to see the show, because then he can show you off.

That doesn’t mean he likes the other first years prying at your progress.

Hinata’s incessant questioning about theater anatomy and the memorization of your lines gets really annoying.

Even for someone with a normal temper like you-

“Yes it’s called the right wing. NOT wing spiker. Yes they’re off book. Now will you shut your trap already?”

Dress Rehearsals come, and you’re spinning around his room, face morphing from complete concentration to happy, go-lucky Flounder.

You, Kei, and Yamaguchi (your little third wheel-) all know the soundtrack pretty much up and down, left and right, backwards and inside out.

He still shivers remembering the time you just walked into his house not registering that Flounder’s makeup looks kind of scary up close-

All of his pride was sacrificed that day. All of it.

On the morning of opening night, Kei was walking you to the school, pretending to be bitchy about it being on a Saturday.

“C’mon, what am I supposed to do all day?”

As luck would have it, he’s stuck sitting next to one Hinata Shoyo. Lovely.

So he sat down next to him, and ignored him the whole show. I mean, it worked, he shut up after thirty seconds.

After the show, Kei has to wait a bit for you to take your makeup off, but when you come running out, he can’t hold back a tiny grin.

“That was good. I’m proud of you.”

And then he took you to dinner because singing makes a bad bleep hungry 😌

Bokuto Kotarou

Listen, you’re loud, Bokuto’s loud-

So basically you two are on a mission to not annoy Akaashi for as long as you can before inevitably getting yelled at for your affection and love and shit.

Now, both of you would love for this to be possible.

But the Frozen soundtrack makes it too difficult.

Especially when you can edit the lyrics just to piss off Konoha.

“Turn away and slAm the door *on Konoha”

“The wind is howling like the storm inside *of Konoha”

The possibilities are endless, really.

The game changer is when you two are belting out the song where Elsa and Anna are arguing.

And you accidentally hit the “I-i-I CANNNNT”

Akaashi is like for the love of GOD just audition for the play.

He quickly realizes that his suggestion was not a good idea.

Since guess what the musical is.

You’re auditioning as a joke, okay? You love Frozen, but this is a Fukurōdani Academy level play.

You didn’t expect to land the role of Olaf.

Your director sat you down and bluntly told you that he thought that you had the charisma and energy to be Olaf, but he knew that you were auditioning for a joke.

He needed you to be committed.

And hell yeah, you were gonna be committed.

At first, Bokuto was super proud of you! His s/o as a lead role? So impressive!

You even taught Bokuto your choreography for “In Summer”

He only retained half of it, but eh.

He’s a volleyball player. He tried.

As rehearsal times became longer and longer, Bokuto was a little upset at himself because he didn’t realize how committed you were until it hit him in the face.

Akaashi is there to get him out of his funk when you aren’t, though.

“They feel the same way when you need to be in the gym longer. It’s just a part of having a passion. Just utilize your time with them wisely.”

This bitch knows full well Bokuto doesn’t do ‘wise’ though, so he also sets to him a little more.

Dress rehearsals start, and Bokuto is always waiting for you to come out of the auditorium to ride the bus home.

You’re just bubbling over with stories about the magic of being on stage.

The lights, the microphones, the costumes, just talking about it makes you nostalgic already.

On opening night, Bokuto and Akaashi are there in the front row, going through the program.

“There’s y/n!!!!”

And you can’t see him because of the blinding spotlight, but you can hear Bokuto cheering for you after you finish “In Summer”

Afterwards he gives you a big hug, and you guys go home and watch Frozen.

Akaashi Keiji

When you start dating Akaashi in your second year at Fukurōdani, you’ve been on stage for the last ten years of your life.

Singing, acting, dancing, you love it all.

You’re even considering making it your career.

Akaashi doesn’t know much about theater at all, but he makes sure to do his research since it’s such a big part of your life.

The company you take acting classes with is having their winter show soon, and you couldn’t be happier when you figure out it’s ‘Into the Woods.’

Akaashi makes the mistake of asking the plot of the story.

“So basically there are these two infertile bakers with dead parents and there’s this witch that’s old and wrinkly and she comes to their house because fifty years ago the bakers dad stole her veggies and took the magic beans that made her look old and wrinkly-“

(A/n: this isn’t even half the plot)

He decides he’ll figure it out when he sees the play.

Akaashi knows that it’s a difficult one, though.

Sondheim doesn’t fuck around.

So you shouldn’t be beating yourself up about cracking on some of the high notes and screaming into your pillow.

He feels like an idiot every time you ask him to give you constructive criticism.

He doesn’t know what to say. “That was good” is obviously not what you want to hear.

When the date of your audition rolls around, he has early morning practice.

So he sends you a text saying how far you’ve come already and he’ll be proud even if you end up being a tree and break a leg (he’s very proud of that part. Theater lingo with Akaashi 101)

He’s very pleased to hear through your extremely fast and animated chattering that you killed it.

You were going to be Jack from “Jack and the Beanstalk.”

He’s still not sure how that correlates with infertile bakers, but he’ll go with it.

You also have a notoriously hard solo, “Giants in the sky.”

Akaashi is very impressed.

All you two do is practice that song, until Akaashi is half sure he could sing the song if he really gave an effort.

(He tries seriously one time. He can’t sing. To save his life. Sorry Keiji and RIP y/n’s ears.)

“Maybe you’re just not a soprano?”

“I’ll leave the limelight to you.”

Rehearsals always leave you drained. There are so many dance numbers in the play that you have to go over.

And songs, oh god, the songs are pieces of work.

But you wouldn’t trade it for the world, so Keiji stays close, and is endlessly supportive.

You sent him a picture of your Jack costume, and Keiji is like that is kind of adorable ngl-

He walks into the auditorium you’re performing in, and even he’s nervous to be in there. It’s huge.

But when you walk on the stage, and start belting, all the breath leaves his lungs.

Oh. Ohhhhhhh. He understands the plot now.

[nanaminokanojo]

Play the Game | Nanami Kento X You | Part 5/8

CHARACTERS: Nanami Kento X You (fem!reader | PLEASE READ THE NOTES BELOW*) | Gojo Satoru | Geto Suguru | Shoko Ieiri | Utahime Iori | other JJK Characters CHAPTER COUNT: 5/8 WORD COUNT: 3,900+ GENRE: romance | fluff | slight angst | smut | ooc depictions | female reader with described appearance* | modern au | rich people au | aged up characters CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNING: profanity| cigarette smoking | age gap | strong/mature/suggestive language | drug use SPOILERS: n/a STATUS: COMPLETED

collection masterlist

one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight

"Play the Game" Masterlist

The autumn winds heralded more clement weather, carrying the tart scent of peaches and pine in the air. With the balmier weather, everyone in the estate had taken their opportunity to be outdoors. Nanami himself had been dragged out and was walking with everyone who cared to go to the private orchards when at breakfast, the groundskeeper announced that everyone can go peach picking.

He watched from across the table as the object of his attraction visibly lit up, your glorious blue eyes brightening exponentially. You loved peach picking and he loved seeing you all excited over small things. But it turned out to be something of a disappointment when your attention turned to Geto instead of him, inviting him to go with you.

“You’re coming, aren’t you?” you asked expectantly, giggling like a little girl when Geto nodded, placing an arm over your shoulder and hugging you to his side while he said, “Anything for my favorite girl.”

My favorite girl. He had to stop himself from being petty and scoffing at the very thought of it. His annoyance was further validated when you generalized your invitation, saying anyone who wished to could come, voiced out by Yuuji who pouted at you and said you should have been inviting him since he loved picking peaches as much as you did.

That was just how it was with you when it comes to Geto. You forget everyone around you the moment he makes an appearance, and it seemed Nanami wasn’t an exception. He could accept that in the past. Ever since, you had been vocal about your preference for the dark-haired man who spoiled you to no end, letting you have your way and without fail made you smile and laugh like you never do with anyone else. When their group would go out, travel or do something else recreational, you’d always be where Geto was, dangling by his arm. You mellowed out with him when you met Yuuji, but the truth is that Geto Suguru is your favorite among your older brother’s friends.

This time, however, he couldn’t rest easy with you interacting that way with said male. If he was being honest, he only agreed to go peach picking after Gojo made him tag along because he wanted to keep a close eye on you. He was also being obvious about it with the way he was trailing you with his eyes every other five seconds, the realization dawning into him when Shoko walked beside him, grinning as she took a long drag from her cigarette.

“If you want to be with her, just do it,” the woman told him, easily reading him as usual. “You look like you’re about to blow your top.”

Nanami just glanced at you, his eyes involuntarily flicking to your familiar figure now circling around Geto as you walked, your hands and arms animatedly making big gestures as you seemingly explained something to him. He felt his temper rise when the male grabbed your arm, pulling you towards him so he could wrap an arm around you, his dark eyes finding Nanami over his shoulder in a sly taunt.

Shoko clucked her tongue, shaking her head. “We all know, Kento.” She glanced behind her where Gojo and Utahime were walking. “Only that white-haired idiot seems to know nothing. Or he pretends not to know.” She sighed. “I can’t blame him though. She used to be this really cute bundle of joy, but look at her now. She’s a grown woman.”

He couldn’t disagree with that. He knew exactly just how much of a woman you have become physically and mentally. What he doesn’t understand was why you weren’t walking with him instead while you’d be sneaking around with him, stealing kisses and hugs from him since the previous day when the pair of you returned from the lake.

At the rehearsal the previous night, you had stuck to him like glue, not that he minded. You purposefully touched him even when everyone was watching, running your fingers over his arm, leaning against him while everyone waited for their turn to practice their part for the ceremony and holding his hand while he sat with you in the garden during breaks, all the while feigning innocence to your actions. You even went to the extent of wrapping an arm around his waist while Gojo was speaking to you. The man, obviously aggravated, narrowed his eyes at you before turning on his heels and leaving.

“God, he’s so frustratingly dumb,” you muttered under breath, watching him leave. Only you had the guts (and right if Nanami was being honest) to call your brother dumb. It somehow made Nanami think that you were really just doing things to get a rise out of Gojo for whatever reason or whatever complex you had with him, but what confused him was that you didn’t stop even if your male clone wasn’t looking.

It was no different at the dinner that followed at the restaurant the family had rented for the night. You purposefully said you forgot something, declaring that you will be riding with Nanami instead, tossing your car keys to Megumi who saluted him while snickering with Nobara. Yuuji, being the most annoying of your three friends, deliberately bumped against him and said, “Make the most of it, Nanamin.”

He would have smacked the boy at the back of his head if the conniving little sprite dragging him around didn’t pull him towards his car. “Wait for them to leave,” you told him as you boarded his car.

“I thought you forgot something.” His lips quirked upwards, already realizing what you were playing at, but before he could say anything more, you grabbed him by the collar, silencing him with your lips. That ended up with you two being half an hour late to dinner after that one kiss turned into a full-on make-out session in his car with you sitting astride his lap while he kissed you stupid.

When both of you finally got to the restaurant, he expected you to let go of him, but you boldly walked with him to your designated seats, holding onto his hand as you led the way. He did not miss the way your parents were looking at the two of you, but he pretended not to notice. Your father was rather approving which was a relief but your mom was just confused. He could just surmise that your friends were in on it when you ended up sitting on the same table, reserving two seats for him and you, further proven when you exchanged high-fives with Nobara who, in turn, winked at Nanami. Of course, he thought, they knew.

You engaged in conversations with your friends for most of the duration of the dinner, but you never failed to smile his way or wink at him when you think no one’s watching. You didn’t ride home with him since he had to drive stupid Gojo after he got too drunk to function and instead drove your car with your pals. You and your friends didn’t come back for another hour, but when you got home, you rifled through the house, loudly asking everyone where he was.

Nanami had to suppress laughter as he crossed the foyer on his way to the stairs and saw how you pushed past Suguru to make your way towards him, latching onto his arm and announcing to everyone that you will walk him to his room cause he might get lost. You had giddily stuck to what you said you’ll do when he noticed how your eyes were bloodshot and you had that odd smile on your face.

“Sweetheart, are you high?” he asked, gently holding you at arm’s length. He already knew the answer to his question when he caught a whiff of weed on your hair. Typically, he’d scold you, but the way you were tittering for no reason was just too adorable for him to handle.

“Don’t be mad,” you said to him, attempting to pout, but you couldn’t in your state. You then started poking his cheek that he eventually had to hold your hands away from him. When you finally stopped laughing, you blinked up at him and said, “I want you to kiss me.”

He didn’t have to be told twice as he pulled you to a side hallway, pushing you against the wall, giving you a peck. You whined loudly. “You call that a kiss?” you complained.

“Be specific, love. How do you want me to kiss you?” he teased, leaning his forehead against yours, trying hard not to laugh as he held you back, preventing you from touching him. He was already aware of how you could easily take the reins and dominate him.

You smirked at him. “Kiss me dumb. Pretty please with a cherry on top, Kento?” You seemed to have discovered that calling him by his given name has become his weakness, and you succeeded because in the next second, he was all over you, prying your mouth open with his tongue as he pressed you against the wall with his body. You submitted to his touches, pulling him closer, your sensuous lips and the sweet flavor of your tongue driving him insane. Before he lost control, he walked you back to your room, defeating the purpose of you walking him to his.

But now, he had to watch you being monopolized by Geto.

He sighed. He could trust Shoko to shed off pretenses for once.

“You okay?” she asked.

He nodded. “I know she’s really fond of Suguru, but I can’t help but –” What was it that he felt exactly?

“You’re jealous. It’s natural especially when she was all clingy with you yesterday.” She chuckled. Shoko couldn’t have been more right, but the scene playing out before him was the least of his problems. It ran deeper than just the moment at hand.

Nanami promised to keep it a secret as Geto’s friend although it killed him a thousand times when three years ago, just a week before the time he had to haul you out of a bathtub after your cocaine episode, the male came to him, confiding that he wanted to pursue you romantically.

“Good luck on that,” he remembered telling Geto, feeling that same pang of envy pervading his system, but then the latter said, “It’s just that she said she likes someone else.” He looked at Nanami sharply as if he was angry at him for some reason, but retracted to his easy-going mood. “Forget I said anything. I can’t have her.”

“Why is that?” Nanami asked then.

At that, Geto smiled, sadness crossing his features. “I don’t deserve her.”

At odd to his words three years ago, Geto was as close to you as ever. You’re obviously still very fond of him. Still, Nanami wasn’t sure what the intention was behind Geto’s calculated actions. The man was just as aggravating as you are with your mutual penchant for games and keeping people on their toes.

Shoko stole him back from his reverie. “Just put a label on it already. She likes you, too, you know.”

“How do you know that?” he asked.

“Seriously?” She burst out laughing then. “Men are such dense creatures.”

“That’s offensive.”

“So is your obliviousness.”

“What does that even mean?”

She shook her head, her laughter dissipating. “Talk to her and find out.”

**

“I saw what you were doing with Kento last night.”

You looked at Geto who was walking beside you, not really knowing how to respond to his observations and settling for twirling the wicker basket you were holding. He flashed you a knowing smile, already used to your behavior when you were puzzling something in your head, caught up in your own bubble.

“I’m not as frustrated about Nanamin as much as I am with Satoru.” You sighed, remembering how your brother just walked away when he saw you holding onto Nanami, annoyed as if he thinks you were just trying to rile him up. “He’s so dense with things like this.”

“You’re one to talk,” Geto stated frankly, snickering at your appalled reaction. “On a more serious note, why?”

Letting up on your scowl, you said, “Well, he’s being a bitch about how I never tell him anything anymore. He asked whether I liked Nanamin and what was going on when I was being very obvious. I kissed the man in front of him, for heaven’s sake.”

“Sweetie, that’s not straightforward at all. You know yourself better than anyone, and seriously, even I get all confused as to whether you’re just messing with everyone, not to mention that you’re so erratic that we just don’t know what to expect from you.” Geto eyed you placatingly, letting you know that he was being earnest.

You easily laugh and smile because of him, but he just as easily offends your by being so brutally straightforward. You’re realizing that now that he was acting more like your older brother, and you knew you couldn’t get offended when you wanted assurance. “I just want to include him all the time but his reactions are so fucking infuriating. He treats me like a kid crushing on his friend if anything.”

“So, why not talk to him about it?”

“I don’t want to sit down and talk to him about it as if I’m asking for permission or approval. I love Satoru to smithereens – don’t tell him that – but he doesn’t get a say about what I want in life especially not where the people I date are concerned especially since he seems to have an aversion to me being attracted to any of you guys ever since I turned twelve.”

Geto chortled. “So you’ve been crushing on Kento since you were a kid?”

You made a face at him, punching him on the arm. “No, idiot. I liked you first.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

You momentarily stopped walking. “Yes, but then I found out what a womanizer you are but I won’t even venture into that. I’m not really fond of martyrdom,” you deadpanned.

Not even hiding his affront, he walked back to your spot and flicked you on the forehead. “I’m very offended you’d say that to me!”

“It’s true though.” You laughed, reaching over to squish his face before walking around him in circles. “If you think I’ll cry over your pretty face, you couldn’t have been more mistaken. Besides, I don’t want to share.”

“Now you’re just being a jerk.” He placed a hand over his chest, feigning insult. “I’m hurt, baby.”

“You deserve it for kissing that cheap model wannabe in front of me on your first runway show.”

“My, my. Your tongue’s loose today. Tell me more.”

“I settled for thinking I’ll just steal you from Satoru to be my best friend. Well, that’s before I met Yuuji. I guess I was just really jealous of what you and Satoru had. I wanted everything he had anyway until I realized that’s now how it works and there were things about me he couldn’t have either. Makes it fair.” You chuckled, finally making it in front of him. “Like that personalized plush bear you gave me on my eighteenth birthday. Man, that was huge.”

Laughing with you, he held onto your arm, pulling you close to him, glancing behind him.

“What are you looking at?” you asked, still giggling.

“Your boy toy would have killed me with those looks he’d been throwing at my direction since breakfast,” Geto whispered to you, making you look over your shoulder, too. There, you found Nanami, looking so breathtakingly gorgeous with the rakish way his hair had been styled and his chiseled physique outlined by the long-sleeved running top he had on. He’s been dressing more casually recently much to your satisfaction.

“Don’t call him that, He’s not my boy toy.” You couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. “Sometimes, I have to stop myself from jumping his bones.”

It was Geto’s turn to make a face at you. “Sweetheart, I love you, but don’t say those things to me. Anyway, are you two together now?”

You tensed slightly and shook your head. “That’s up to him.”

“What?” He scoffed. “In case you’re not aware, you’re a prize. Don’t go doing all the work.”

“I know.”

“He should fight for it, too, if he wants you.”

“So Yuuji says.”

“He’s right.” Geto stopped walking, placing his hands on your shoulders. “You know I love you right?”

You nodded, poking fun at him. “More than your hoes, I hope.”

He clucked his tongue, rolling his eyes at you. “I’m being serious here. You may think I’m a hedonistic bastard who only thinks about getting laid all the time, but you’re a different story, sweetheart. I treasure you like Satoru does, and if I see something wrong, it’s my duty to tell you.”

Seeing the somber look on his face, your smile dropped. “What are you getting at?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he began. “Kento is a good man, better than Satoru and I combined to tell you the truth. But when it comes to things like this, he has the tendency to be indecisive.”

Your heart dropped, feeling nervous all of a sudden as your eyes widened in fear at the prospect. “Are you saying he doesn’t like me?”

“Honey, he loves you. I know so.” He snorted. “Bastard can’t even resist you anymore by the looks of it, but trust me when I say he’s going to over-analyze things because there are so many things to consider instead just going for it.”

“You mean Satoru?” you griped.

“One of them anyway.”

“O…kay.” You pouted in perplexity. “How would you advise me to proceed?”

Geto finally let up on the seriousness, bursting out laughing. “The gods are fair, aren’t they?”

Understanding why he was laughing, you punched him on the arm again. “I know I’m dumb at this, but at least try acting like the older, more mature one here. You should be flattered I’m coming to you for shit like this at all.”

Still laughing, he pulled you close and hugged you, planting a chaste kiss on the top of your head. When he was calm enough, he breathed out and squeezed you tighter. “Talk to him and be direct about it.”

**

You decided to approach Nanami when you spotted him alone under one of the trees, reading a book. The forgotten basket of peaches beside him, only half-filled, was indicative that he forgot about the activity at hand and is in his own world again. You adored his quiet side, the way he kept to himself, unafraid to be alone and always comfortable in his solitude, so much so that you hesitated to disturb him.

Quietly, you stalked towards him, making sure not to make any sudden sounds, but being him, he was immediately able to perceive your presence.

"You have a very dark taste in literature as a child," Nanami spoke when you’re within earshot, sensing your presence.

You frowned, sitting beside him, confused at first but upon seeing your battered copy of "Coraline" sitting on his lap, you understood what he meant. "Where did you find that?"

"In the library." He finally met your gaze, his expressions unfathomable. "I remembered you gushing about it when you first read it."

You nodded in understanding, but couldn't quite keep your mind in the conversation, plagued with thoughts of what Geto told you earlier. He was saying something about your fascination for the horror genre, but you cut him short, saying, "Can I ask you something?"

Nanami tilted his head slightly at the question, his quizzical gaze prompting you to proceed.

"What are we?" you blurted out, your blue eyes quite unable to meet his dark ones. You don't exactly know what was making you behave with such uncertainty. After all the times you had been confident where he was concerned, you were suddenly scared. You didn't fear being rejected by anyone. It has always been the case for you since you’re younger, but you were afraid of not knowing, of not being sure.

Nanami looked at you, deep in thought for a few moments until he finally told you, "That's up to you, isn't it?" His tone had a bite to it.

Unable to place where he was coming from at the moment, you hesitated. You rummaged through your head about what his response to you could imply, frowning when you came up with nothing. "What?" you said, thinking it better to ask.

"You heard me." He shrugged, opening the book to the page he was reading. By the looks of it, he was trying his best to ignore you.

You fought the urge to pose barb at him, too, wanting nothing but to get a straight response from him. "Why is it up to me?" You totally didn't understand, thinking it ought to be a decision the pair of you should make. Wasn’t that how it worked?

Silently cursing at the whole situation, you contemplated on your past relationships. All of them seemed less complicated. They liked you, you liked them. You decide to date, and when things don’t work out, the arrangement is broken off. High school and college boys were irritating to say the least, but you were expecting it to be a lot more straightforward with Nanami because he’s a mature adult. Now it seemed like you were in one of those previous relationships again.

“Elaborate on that,” you prompted him, seriously at a loss.

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Is this another game of yours?"

To say you’re appalled by his odd line of questioning was an understatement. Unable to control your emotions anymore, you stood up. "What are you talking about?" You burst out laughing without mirth. For once, you’re being direct with what you wanted. For once, you weren't playing and yet all you get are questions being thrown at you.

"Go play with Suguru. He seems to enjoy your antics more than anyone," he told you coldly.

"What are you on about?" you demanded from him. “I’m asking you a simple question.”

Nanami flashed you a tired smile. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

He also stood up, obviously exasperated. "Look, I honestly don't know what we are. I'm not sure." He sighed when you eyed him in disappointment but that expression turned into icy indifference very quickly.

"You don't know," you repeated, nodding. "Okay. I see how it is."

For the first time in years, you felt stupid, so much so that you felt like tearing all the hair off your scalp. You didn't understand what was wrong with Nanami but so many thoughts ran through your head at the same time. You thought you might have asked too early. You thought maybe you read things between the two of you wrong. On top of all that, you felt so overwhelmed with anger over his response that you couldn't think straight, but you were also afraid of saying anything else in case your inner demon decides to jump out.

Turning away, you started walking away. You heard him call your name but you didn't look back, suppressing the urge to go back to him and instead storming out of the orchard. You didn't understand what the dull ache in your chest meant but you knew you couldn't handle it.

-end of part 5-

*I used “you” here, but since my character is Gojo’s little sister who is established to be his female clone for reasons essential to the plot, she possesses the same blue eyes and white hair. I did not exactly want to create an OC (although technically, I did by describing Y/N), but I opted for the best of both worlds in this fic, leaning more towards the literary aspect of it as opposed to it just being reader/you-oriented. I hope this isn’t iffy to anyone, and yeah, i’m not being exclusive or whatever.

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S “JUJUTSU KAISEN.” [20210731]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART CREDITS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[cucumbers-and-olives]

She's A Good Girl

Summary: Luke hates his younger sister. Her perfect facade, her good grades, and most of all- her boyfriend.

Category: kinda a Boy Meets World au?

Fandom: JATP, Boy Meets World

Paring: Eric Mathews x Reader, Luke x Platonic!Sibling!Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings/Includes: verbal arguments, implied verbal abuse

A/N: this is for the lovely @dream-a-little-bigger-x's 90's week! if you guys like this, go check out her stuff, its incredible!

Mandatory Thanking of the Betas: @russianalpacafromoldzealand and @funsizearsonist thank you both so so so much!

AO3 link here

Please don’t repost my work without my permission, in part or whole. My work can also be found on AO3 under the same username. Thank you!

“Luke! Keep it down, your sister is studying!” He rolled his eyes at his mother’s shout.

“It’s not like you’re being quiet,” Luke muttered and rolled his eyes, but he turned down the volume on his amp anyway. He didn't want to get yelled at twice, that's for sure.

If there’s anything Luke Patterson wasn’t, it was idiotic (depending on who you asked, of course). “Dumb bitch shouting at the top of her lungs.” He sighed and continued playing his guitar, albeit at a lower level.

Y/N popped her head in the door. “Ya know, you only get to be a smartass when you pass your classes idiot.” She had clearly overheard him as she walked into the room and turned his amp down even lower than he had before. “It doesn’t sound too bad, keep going.” She winked at him and shut the door behind her.

It wasn’t often that Y/N gave Luke complements, but when she did, they were always backhanded ones.

Luke just ignored her and ran through his song again, the chords, the riffs, the random pauses. He had titled this one “Good Girls”. It was about her. Her perfect behavior, her ability to not get caught, and just everything about Y/N made his blood boil. It didn't matter that she was his sister, she was so infuriating, that he hit at her with every line of the song.

Her and her perfect boyfriend, Eric Mathews. He was a senior, a jock, way too cocky, and she was a little miss perfect, sweet and kind, a junior.

Let’s just say, if Luke had a photo of the two of them, it would have darts in it.

~

“How’s it going in here, hun?” Mom said. She had a glass of water along with some cookies with her as she stepped into the room. Soft music came from the record player in the corner, a big contrast from the music in the room next to hers.

Y/N turned her grimace at the woman’s sudden appearance into a big bright smile as she turned around, closing her textbook but leaving a finger in so she wouldn't lose her place. “It’s good! I was struggling with this one concept, but I think I’ve got it down now.” Her mom smiled, and she knew she had picked the right words.

“Amazing! Well, I’ll leave these cookies with you in case you get hungry-,” A very loud guitar riff emerged from Luke’s room, and her mother’s happy, bright face turned into one of disgust. She always had a bone to pick with Luke. Maybe it was because of the band, maybe it was for just existing, Y/N didn’t know. She had a feeling she never would.

“Mom…” Y/N begged. She knew what was about to happen next, it had happened times before, and it wasn't like anything was gonna change this time. So, as her mom stepped into the hall she turned back to her book and tuned her shouts out.

“There.” The older woman said, stepping back into the girl’s room. She had tormented Luke, and now she focused her happy energy on the child she loved. “You’re doing great sweetie.” She assured Y/N.

As the door closed, Y/N sat back and let out a huge sigh. She loved her mother, but her distaste towards her son was unparalleled.

Soft guitar riffs came from Luke’s room, and she stood up quickly at the chance to see her brother.

Popping her head into the doorway, the exhale that Luke let out was one of relief. He thought I was mom, she thought. That scared her

You sound really good, she wanted to say. Can you teach me? But instead, she insulted him and gave him a half complement.

Not your best moment, Y/N, not your best moment.

~

“Are you gonna be in the library after school?” Luke asked Y/N as they biked to school. The ride wasn’t long, but it was one of the few times that the siblings got to talk to each other.

“Yeah,” she said. Her eyes had a dreamy kind of look to them. Luke wanted to call her out on her bullshit. Her goody-two-shoes bullshit.

“I better not catch you sucking face with him.” Luke’s voice was cold like steel. He didn’t like her boyfriend, and that was no secret.

She laughed, “Aww, do you not like seeing Eric kiss your little sister? Grow up, I’ll kiss who I want to.” She sped up, biking ahead of him.

“It’s not like I police who you kiss,” Y/N mumbled when she knew she was out of earshot.

“One of these days Mom’s gonna catch you!” He hollered.

“Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught! Let her live in her fantasy!” She shouted back.

Luke shook his head, and his next comment he muttered under his breath. “Maybe then she wouldn’t think you’re such a good girl.”

~

“Hey babe,” A voice whispered from behind Y/N.

She turned around to face Eric, and her eyes lit up as she saw him. “Hi! Sit down, I’m almost done with my history homework.”

“Alright, and then can you do me?” He asked as he sat down and your eyes went wide.

“Mon Dieu,” She said, sighing at his childish behavior.

“Ooh say more,” He grinned wickedly, thinking that she was saying something- not PG, and you looked back up at him from your homework. With a smug smile on your face, you spoke to him in French, knowing that he wouldn’t understand what you were saying.

“I love you so much, but you can be so dumb at times, you dumb idiot. Why you are so idiotic at times, I do not know, now would you please get me some snacks?” He laughed at the end.

“I have no clue what you said, but your face is asking me for snacks, ignoring the fact that you are one- gimme a sec, I’ll be right back with some!” He said, giving her a quick kiss before slightly jogging out of the library in search of the nearest vending machine.

~

“She is just so infuriatingly perfect, and she just gets praised 24/7 about it,” Luke complained during a pause in rehearsal.

“You wanna play Good Girls then? Throw all your anger into it?” Alex suggested.

Bobby chuckled, “That look on your face says yes, so let’s do it.”

She's a good girl, she's [mommy’s] favorite

[Mom's] saved for Harvard, [mom] knows she'll make it

She's good at school, she's never truant

She can speak French, and I think she's fluent

'Cause every night she studies hard in her room

At least that's what her parents assume

But she sneaks out the window to meet with her boyfriend

Here's what she told me the time that I caught 'em

She said to me, forget what you thought

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

So just turn around and forget what you saw

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

Whoa

Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

Whoa

Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

She's a good girl

A straight A-student

She's really into all that self-improvement

I swear she lives in that library

But if you ask her she'll say,

"That's where you'll find me!"

But if you look then you won't find her there

She may be clever but she just acts too square

'Cause in the back of the room, where nobody looks,

She'll be with her boyfriend, she's not reading books

She said to me, forget what you thought

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

So just turn around and forget what you saw

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

Good girls are bad girls and good girls are bad girls!

Good girls are bad girls and good girls are bad girls!

She's a good girl, hasn't been caught

She's a good girl, hasn't been caught

She said to me, forget what you thought

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

So just turn around and forget what you saw

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

She said to me, forget what you thought

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

So just turn around and forget what you saw

'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

Whoa

Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

Whoa

Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

Whoa, whoa

Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

“Hey, that was a really good song!” Eric said, entering the garage. “Who’s it about?”

“Your girlfriend,” Bobby said.

“Yeah, you know what, we need to talk about that. Stay the hell away from her.” Luke said and then he stormed out of the garage.

“Dude what the hell! What’s your deal?” Eric said, walking out after him.

Luke scoffed, turning around. “What’s my deal? It’s you. I know guys like you, and you are going to break her heart. And then I have to pick up the pieces as she tries to look like the perfect girl she was to our parents. That’s my deal.”

“That’s all you think of me? That I’m just a jock that’ll cheat on her?” Eric paused for a second and then he spoke, harsher than before.

“Your band is no longer allowed to practice in my garage. Leave, or I’ll call the cops.”

~

Please send an ask or fill out this form to be added to my taglist(s)! Send an ask to be removed.

JATP: @n0wornever @calamitykaty @crybabyddl @badwolf00593 @dream-a-little-bigger-x

Luke: @thesweetestsinner

[shepherds-of-haven]

How would the romances with the RO's be in a college!AU? And how would the romance start?

Hmm I don’t know necessarily what they’d be like without having to write the college!AU myself lol, it sort of would depend on how the story itself went! As for how they start...

Blade: classic. Blade and MC bump into each other on campus when they’re both preoccupied with something--literally bump. Books go spilling everywhere. They bend down to pick them up. Look up and BAM. Blade has a crush. But then MC has to hurry away because they’re in a rush until next semester. They have a class together! But Blade is too shy to talk to MC so MC thinks he’s forgotten her/doesn’t recognize her. They have more classes together and with each shared class, he plucks up the courage to talk to her after she drops a pencil and he picks it up (now their desks are actually next to each other). They start hanging out under the guise of being study partners for all their shared classes.

Trouble: he’s playing a game of toss the football or frisbee golf or whatever in the quad and either he or his friend nails MC in the head with a projectile. Trouble comes jogging over and profusely apologizes. MC slyly or jokingly suggests he buy them dinner to make up for giving them a concussion and he readily agrees. That’s their first date!

Tallys: she’s growing plants in the student lab as part of her thesis and is frustrated that one of her plants is struggling to grow. She goes outside to smoke and starts talking to herself out loud in frustration. “The conditions are exactly the same. Why would one ____ specimen weaken while the others thrived?” MC is also outside (either smoking as well or just tending to other plants) and says, “It sounds like being on the end of the row is hampering its roots. Maybe because they grow westward?” Tallys whirls around and is like ‘who the fuck are you??’ all suspicious this is a rival student who’s trying to sabotage her thesis. But MC just likes plants! They talk a bit more and Tallys reluctantly agrees to try re-potting the weak specimen in a bigger container (idk I don’t know plants, you get the picture). A week later, the plant is thriving! Tallys waits in the same spot outside to see if MC will show up, not smoking this time. She crosses her arms and says, “You were right about the plant. I’ll buy you dinner as thanks for saving my thesis.” MC accepts but replies they don’t need the thanks. Tallys smirks. “Consider it a bribe, then. I bet I’ll need you for future consultations.”

Shery: she’s working in the coffee shop and MC comes by every once in a while and makes conversation, pairing the coffee with a winning smile. Shery falls head over heels, but surprisingly doesn’t get nervous or stammers when MC comes in. In fact, she looks forward to it! But their interactions are always a few minutes every few days, until one day Briony is behind the counter too and does something sly like suggest they look cute together or writes Shery’s phone number on a napkin for MC or something. MC gets it, smiles at Shery, and says, “Can I take you out for a coffee? Somewhere that’s... not here, I guess.” Briony: “You can do it here!” Shery: “Yes!”

Riel: he’s playing piano in one of the practice rooms and, as he’s leaving, he sees MC leaning on the wall opposite of the practice room door. Riel asks MC if they’re waiting for anyone, as he’d reserved the room for several hours, and MC answers, “No, I just heard you playing and it was so beautiful that I got lost in the music. It’s Scarlatti, right?” Riel gets a huge brain-boner and gives MC his number under the guise of offering ‘free piano lessons’ if MC wants to learn. MC surprises him by actually showing up!

Chase: Chase gets a starring role in the play he secretly auditioned for, but he’s super nervous because he’s never acted in anything before and doesn’t want to fuck it up for the other play members. MC, an actor in a minor role, hears him fretting over the phone one night to Trouble or someone and offers to help him rehearse and ease his anxiety. They start meeting up to read lines together, MC coaching him, and the chemistry between them steadily builds. Chase realizes during rehearsal--when he has to kiss his star opposite--that it’s really MC he’d like to be kissing, and right after that he takes them out on a date and confesses his feelings!

Red: MC and Red are assigned to be lab partners together in a science class, and they start flirting from the get-go, talking about the CHEMISTRY between them as they measure stuff in beakers. They exchange numbers for class and start meeting at Red’s dorm/townhouse for study sessions. One day they give up early and put on a movie, but neither of them are really concentrating on the movie. Before even halfway they’re making out on the couch!

Ayla: Ayla gets drunk at a party and meets MC. She’s so plastered she’s dancing all up on MC and shouting things like “you’re pretty! I like you! I’m gonna marry you someday!” At the end of the night she loses Briony and Lavinet, so MC offers to walk her home to make sure she gets there safely. Ayla is either so drunk MC gives her a piggyback ride or they have to hold hands the whole way. (Ayla gets lost and doesn’t remember where she lives several times.) When they get to her doorstep she grabs MC and kisses them, but they gently ease away and see her safely indoors. In the morning Ayla wants to die from the embarrassment and contemplates jumping from the window. Instead she rides on her Vespa to her favorite breakfast diner for some hangover cures and what do you know! MC works at that restaurant part-time and reveals they thought they recognized her as a regular but weren’t sure... but the Vespa seals it. Still humiliated, Ayla buys them breakfast on their break but quickly realizes she wants to spend more time with them when the meal is over, so she asks for their number!

Briony: Briony is training at her MMA gym and hitting a punching bag pretty hard, venting out her frustrations for the day. MC, who also trains at the gym, comes over and asks if she’d like a sparring partner instead of a bag; Briony laughs and says, “Only if you’re okay with getting hit.” “Wouldn’t have come over if I wasn’t,” MC quips. They spar, and the electricity and flirtation between them is pretty obvious. Briony is grinning--she hasn’t fought anyone like this for a while--but then she glances up and thinks she sees a face watching her in the gym’s front window. Her mood immediately deflates, and MC notices. They notice that she seems nervous or anxious, so they offer to walk her out to her car. Briony shakes her head and asks if they’d like to grab a milkshake or dinner at this diner down the road instead; she needs to take her mind off things. MC agrees and soon enough, Briony’s laughing and happy again. They have such a good time that they exchange numbers and agree to make it a routine: sparring and then eating together!

Lavinet: Lavinet’s in this higher-level class--I don’t know, say it’s like... fashion design, or pre-law or something. At the end of the semester, the professor chooses a handful of students to go with her to Paris for a study abroad trip/internship. Lavinet’s pretty assured that she’ll get one of the slots because her father is a good friend of the professor. But then MC shows up and starts beating her in class: answering all the questions first or correctly, getting just one point above her on tests, etc. It drives Lavinet crazy, and they become rivals. Lavinet regularly snubs him and gives him the cold shoulder, feeling competitive. MC gives it right back. But then they find out a third person is planning on cheating in order to get that internship slot, and MC and Lavinet vow to beat them the traditional way. Putting aside their differences in the face of a common enemy, Lavinet and MC become allies and study buddies. Eventually Lavinet deigns to give MC the opportunity to ask her out, at the end of the semester when they find out that they’re the two who have gotten the internship. The entire time she insisted she hated MC’s guts, but everyone else in her life saw through it lol. Maybe their first date is in Paris!

[inseongsfoxybae]

The way you move

Pairing: Boyfriend Jaeyoon + Idol Female Reader; established relationship

Genre: Smut + Fluff ending

Warnings: hard dom!Jaeyoon, jealousy, dirty talk/cursing, sex against the wall, thigh riding, a bit of fingering, overstimulation, unprotected sex (reader’s on birth control), riding, creampie + aftercare

Words: 2,375

Requested: Hello! I would like to make a request for Jaeyoon, where his idol!girlfriend has a sexy stage with kai from exo and he gets jealous and it leads to rough sex? 👁👄👁 

Author’s message: Hi, dear anon!, your request is finnaly here! I had a great time writing it (as Jaeyoon as wrecking me more then anything these days), so I hope you enjoy it ^.^. Also, feel free to send in a new request anytime. Foxy kisses  😘

P.S: As english is not my mother language, it may contain misspelled. Also, sorry for any other mistakes :) 

Synopsis: After a hot special performance with your friend Kai, Jaeyoon got jealous of your touchy moves on stage and proved who owns your heart and body when you got home.

this gif is killing me  🥵

You are close friends with Kai and, as he’s going to have a stage on a music festival, he invited you to make a special performance of Mmmh with him. Your group was out of the line up, so you had enough free time to practise with him and gladly accepted the invitation. 

When you told Jaeyoon the news, he looked a little uncomfortable, but even so, he smiled and supported you. It's not that he wasn't happy for you or didn’t trust you, he just knew how sexy this song is and he didn’t like other guys touching his bae, especially Kai, who had known you for so many years. Jaeyoon was a bit jealous, but didn’t show it to not muddle your enthusiasm. 

You had three weeks for the festival and you stepped into a dance room of SM to start the practices. At first, you thought his back dancers would participe on the performance too, but when you entered the room, only Kai was waiting for you and then you realized what his “special stage” meant - a couple performance. 

You got a bit nervous about what Jaeyoon would think about it, but shook those thoughts off your mind and focused on the choreography. Everything went good during rehearsals, you learned and cleaned the movements quickly and the great day has finally come. 

SF9 was performing at this festival too, so you came along with them, your mind running between giving attention to your boyfriend and passing the choreo one last time into your head. Once you had arrived at the arena, you said your goodbyes and hurried to your dressing room to get ready. Kai was already there, wearing a super tight and sexy outfit that would make any girl swoon. 

You quickly put on your clothes - hotpant shorts and a sexy cropped top - and make up and rush to watch SF9’s stage. They performed a special version of Good Guy and Summer Breeze and you almost drooled at their sensual movements and outfits. And when they left the stage and Jaeyoon was face to face with you, you swore you almost fainted at your gorgeous boyfriend. 

Jaeyoon froze when he saw you dressed like that, his heart skipping some beats. “So, am I pretty?”, you smiled and stepped closer to him. He swallowed while staring fondly at you. “You’re stunning”, he breathed quickly and you chuckled. Jaeyoon was about to pull you into his arms to kiss you when Kai showed up calling for you. “We are the next. Get ready”, he said shortly and glanced at Jaeyoon. 

“I have to go now, baby. See you later in my dressing room”, you pecked his cheek and ran away to the other side of the backstage. Jaeyoon was very proud of you, but he couldn’t stop to feel uncomfortable about you being alone with Kai. However, he shook it off his mind and found a place to watch your performance. 

It was your turn, the moment you waited for the last month was finally happening and you felt your heart race faster. Kai took your hand and led you to the stage, where you got your positions and started to dance when the music played. The song was sexy, the choreo was hot and you felt his hands running through your body, his face only centimeters aways from yours, his hot breath fanning your neck and lips. 

Both of you gave yourselves completely to music, feeling every beat with your bodies pressed together in fluid movements, the crowd going crazy with your intimate connection on stage. It was a success, one of the best performances of the night and the media had their eyes on you as soon as you left the stage. Kai was answering some reporters and bloggers when your eyes found Jaeyoon on a corner. His lips were showing you a proud smile, but his eyes were serious, dark, maybe even angry, mainly when Kai wrapped an arm around your waist and whispered something in your ear. 

When you looked at Jaeyoon again, he wasn’t there anymore. You got rid of Kai’s grip and ran to look for your boyfriend, but your manager pulled you to your dressing room first to take some photos and changed your clothes. You were leaving the room when Kai approached you. “Thank you for today, Y/N. You were amazing”, he said smiling. “I‘m the one who has to say thank you”, you answered, smiling back and Kai unexpectedly hugged you tightly, catching you by surprise. 

“I have to go”, you broke the hug and turned around only to see a dumbfounded Jaeyoon watching you. “Jae, where were you?”, you asked, trying to catch his attention, but he only locked his eyes with yours, no words. “Do you still have schedules today? Wanna go home with me?”, you reached for his hands, but he stepped back. “I go to the car”, he spoke for anyone in particular and left. “Wait for me!”, you exclaimed and ran behind him. 

There was a small car waiting for you, one of FNC's staff would drive you and Jaeyoon home. Neither of you spoke along the way, Jaeyoon’s eyes were fixed on the window, looking at no place, while you were staring at your lap, trying to find words to tell him. Even when you got at your building and entered the elevator, he didn’t say a single word or looked at you. 

Only when you stepped out the hallway, you got the courage to talk to him, grabbing his hand. "Jaeyoon, what's wrong with you?", you inquired staring at his back. Jaeyoon stopped in front of the door of your shared apartment and sighed heavy. "I'll show what's wrong", he snorted, opening the door and pulling you into the room. 

He slammed you against the wall, pressing your bodies together, his hot breath fanning on your face. "The way you move. That's the problem", he growled against your lips, but without touching it yet. "The fucking way you fucking move beside fucking Kai", he spat his words on your face, his dark eyes penetrating deep in your soul. 

"Are you jealous?", you teased him as he pressed you stronger on the wall, so that you were almost on tiptoe. "Are you mocking me now?", Jaeyoon stepped even closer. "Do I have to show you who you belong to?", his lips only millimeters aways from yours. "Show it", you implied as he mouth was roughly pressed against yours, kissing you hungrily, devouring and sucking all you have for him. 

As his lips worked up there, his hands roamed along your sides and hips, pushing your skirt up. His fingers hardly rubbed your pussy, you gasped and arched your back at the sudden stimulation, as he pulled your hips towards his thigh, placing it between your clothed core. Jaeyoon flexed his muscle thigh and started to move you back and forth in a desperate pace, his leather pants causing a searing heat against your thin lacy panties. His mouth was now attacking your neck, sucking and biting hard, leaving deep marks on your soft skin, as his hands set the unforgiving pace of your body. 

"Could Kai fuck you like this, Y/N?", Jaeyoon whispered in your ear. "Answer!", he commanded and you moaned a desperate "No". "Of course not. I'm the only one who can ruin you like this, make you feel good", he groaned, sucking another portion of your skin. "And tonight, baby, I'm gonna fuck you till you forget your own name", he continued as one of his hands moved to rub your clothed clit, you were squirming and screaming at the overstimulatiom, your wetness going down on your inner thighs. "Cum for me, babygirl", he growled against your skin, licking a sweet spot on your neck.

And like a flashlight, the knot on your stomach exploded and your orgasm flowed over your body, your legs shaking hopeless around Jaeyoon's thigh. He placed you on your feet, you barely being able to stand by yourself, while he took off his pants along with his briefs, his full hard member bouncing into the air. Jaeyoon closed the distance between the two of you, kissing you harshly, while his strong hands ripped your panties effortless. He grabbed the back of you thighs and pulled you up, wrapping your legs around his hips and mercilessly slamming his length into your throbbing core. 

Jaeyoon set a unforgiving pace since the beginning, his thrusts deep and violent into you, filling your pussy completely. “I bet Kai couldn’t take you like this, huh?”, he groaned as you screamed his name desperately, your back banging against the way with every powerful thrust as your nails digged into his flesh. He had barely started and your eyes were rolling to the back of your neck already, your body convulsing in pleasure. “JAEYOOON - FUCK”, you screamed at the top of your lungs as you came undone, your waters washing over Jaeyoon’s dick.

He increased his pace, chasing his own high, grunted “fucks” and a long hiss leaving his mouth when he released his seeds deep into you. His shaking legs lost their strength and he collapsed on the floor with you still in his arms, both of you breathing hard and trembling. Jaeyoon pulled out and watched his semen coming out from your slit, dripping on his low stomach and down his thigh.

Your face was still hidden in his neck, your arms had fallen loosely on his sides. "Y/N", Jaeyoon called you, softer this time, as you just hummed, too weak for answering. He wrapped his hands onto your upper arms and moved you away from his neck, leaning you on the wall. Both of your eyes met and you smiled at him. "Well, I guess you proved I'm yours", you teased him and you both laughed. "But I think I'll have to dance with other guys more often if it means you'll fuck me on the wall every single time", you confessed and he chuckled, blushing slightly. 

"Are you okay? I mean… Aren't you sore?", Jaeyoon asked shyly. "It's not a big deal", you shook your head and placed your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. "Jae…", you stared at him, "... I still want you...", you pecked his cheek, "... inside me…", you pecked his nose, "in our bed", you kissed his lips. Jaeyoon wrapped his arms around you and got up with you into his embrace, kissing you passionately. 

He moved you to the bedroom and laid you carefully on bed, taking off the rest of both of your clothes. His mouth and hands were all over your skin, touching and kissing and nibbling all the right places, his dick cradled between your legs getting hard again. His thumb found your clit and rubbed it slowly, taking his sweet time to make you wetter and ready for him. His fingers teased your entrance, curling up one, then two, then three digits inside your pussy. 

"Jae...", you moaned his name quietly and he looked up at you, "... I'm gonna ride you now", you two smirked and Jaeyoon was caught in surprise when you pushed him till his back touched the mattress and your legs straddled his hips. You kissed the tip of his dick and palmed him a little till it's full hard and pushed yourself down, filling your pussy to the brim, both of your moans echoing through the cold air of your room. 

You started to slowly grind against him, wiggling your hips with his in a sensual pace that drove you wild, in a way only the two of you could. Jaeyoon gripped your hips and helped you move, pulling up and down on him. "The way you move, babe...", he breathed, ".... it's so good - ohmygod", he groaned when you set a faster pace, your body bouncing on his. 

You leaned in to kiss his lips and neck and he took the chance to dig his heels into the sheets and thrusted upwards. His balls slammed against your pussy roughly, the cacophonous sound of your wild dance and moans filling the room. You clenched around him, his deep thrusts making you high already, and Jaeyoon grunted your name, increasing his pace. 

The merciless speed made both of your visions hazy and your legs shaking, desperate whines and trembling when your orgasms hitted you like a rocket. You two collapsed into each other’s body, breathless, sweaty, cloudy mind. Jaeyoon slipped out from you and pulled you closer to him, taking your lips in a tired tender kiss. Your hands wiped away the sweat and some strands of damp hair from his forehead.

A few minutes later, when you calmed yourselves down, Jaeyoon broke the silence. “Y/N, I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier”, he swallowed hard. “I shouldn’t treat you like that, ignored you like that, hurted you like that”, he whispered guiltily. “You didn’t hurt me, Yoonie. You just have to trust me better”, you looked up at him. “I love you, Jae, more than anything. And you know I’m yours and only yours, no one can’t take me away from you. Do you know it, right?”. 

“I know, babe. And I trust you, but when I saw you dancing with Kai like that… I can’t help being jealous. Sorry about that”, his eyes shook.

“Shh… Don’t talk about Kai anymore. Let’s forget about that performance and focus on us. I love you, Jae, and you won’t lose me for anything or anyone”, you reassured him.

“I love you too, baby...”, he smiled and pecked your lips. “... and I’m yours forever”, you both smiled. “Now, let’s take a shower together and sleep?”, he suggested and you nodded.

Jaeyoon took you into his arms and guided you to the bathroom, where you took a hot shower together, relaxing into each other’s bodies. After the both of you were clean and properly dry, you plopped into your bed and snuggled closer under your thick blankets. Jaeyoon ran his fingers through your hair, sweetly humming a lullaby till he fells your head pending over his chest, your calm and steady heartbeat and breath. He kissed softly your forehead and closed his eyes, drifting away as well.

[blueskiesandstarrynights]

Whatever Happens I'ma Stand Tall- Jatp time loop au, Chapter 1: Loop 1

And here we go! This is an idea I've had brewing for a while and I'm finally starting it! Part of this chapter does come from the episode Stand Tall as set up for the story. Some chapters will have multiple loops and some will have one. Also, just a quick warning the guys do get jolted out of existence/die but it's temporary and the premise of the story. Since this will be multi chaptered, anyone who wants to be a part of a tag list can just send me an ask and I'll add you for next chapter.

Word Count: 1511

Masterpost of chapters (x)

Looks like today is gonna be another sunny day, with temperatures in the low to mid eighties.

Julie goes to shut off her radio alarm and takes a deep breath. Today was the day. If everything went well, they were going to play the Orpheum, her phantoms would cross over, and they wouldn’t be destroyed by those horrible jolts.

It was fine.

She was fine.

She got dressed, took a deep breath, and went out to face the day.

The rest of the day passed in what felt like a blur, one thing quickly happening after another; the guys securing their performance, the exciting phone call she got when they got back, rushing to her dad to tell him about the gig they she secured, the band hug in the studio, the nervous car ride to the Orpheum, the anxious waiting, the breakdown in the alley realizing they weren’t coming, the exhilarating performance when they did, it’s a wonder she didn’t fall asleep on the car ride home.

After making an excuse to her father and brother, she made her way to the studio. She needed to say one final good-bye.

She opened the doors and stared into the dark room that had held so much life these past couple weeks. A room that once held the smiles and songs of her mother, but now held the smiles and songs of her new family. In the darkened room she could still see Luke's beanie thrown on the couch, Alex’s drums shining in the moonlight, and the floating chairs her mom had hung up with Julie one afternoon that Reggie had pointed out on his first day here.

She took a deep breath before saying, “I-I know I already said this, but, uh, thank you guys.”

“You’re welcome.”

There was a collective sigh followed by, “Dude”

Julie dashed over to the light, hoping the voices she just heard weren’t hallucinations made out of hope, but there they were. Collapsed on the floor coughing, looking exhausted and in pain, and very much not crossed over.

She stared at them for a few seconds in shock before stammering out, “W-why are you guys here? I-I thought-” She didn’t even get a chance to finish her sentence before another jolt rocked the collapsed figures followed by another round of coughing and groaning. “I thought you crossed over, why didn’t you cross over?”

“I guess playing the Orpheum wasn’t our unfinished business.” Alex groans as he and Luke and Reggie try hauling themselves up from their collapsed ghost pile.

“Point Caleb,” Reggie added sadly, leaning against a chair for support.

“We wanted you to think we crossed over so we came here,” Luke contributed. “We just-” he paused. “We had nowhere else to go.”

“We thought you’d just go straight to bed,” Reggie explained.

“Yeah, well, I knew she was gonna come out here, but nobody ever listens to-” Alex is cut off by yet another jolt that rocks all three ghosts.

This seems to break whatever trance that had been holding Julie to stand there and stare at her collapsing bandmates, and she tearfully cried out, “You have to save yourselves right now! Go join Caleb’s club, please, it’s better than not existing at all! Go, poof out, just go, do something, do it for me please!”

Reggie simply shook his head, “We’re not going back there”

Luke staggered towards her and looked Julie in the eyes before saying, “No music is worth making, Julie, if we’re not making it with you. No regrets.”

They both give a sniffle before Julie launches herself forward towards Luke to give him a hug and-

She stumbles from the momentum and passes through him. She’s not sure why she did that, she wasn’t exactly expecting anything different, he is a ghost after all.

The guys are jolted once more and are forced to the floor again, but this time they have less strength to get back up. They had just started sitting back up when they were forced back down once more by another painful jolt. They seemed to be getting more frequent and more painful with each one that came. Everyone in the studio knew this was the end, and each second that passed brought them closer to their inevitable doom.

Julie’s eyes were so blurred with tears that she almost didn’t notice that the guys were now fading. She could now sort of see through them and see the furniture behind them, and for the first time since she met them, they actually looked like how she expected ghosts to look.

Luke seemed to notice too and he turned to Julie and said, “Hey, Julie I want you to promise us something, ok? Don’t stop playing music. You just got it back in your life, your mom wouldn’t want you to drop it, and neither do we. Keep smiling, keep making music, and keep showing the world the human wrecking ball that is Julie Molina.”

Julie nodded to him, too choked up to say anything before turning to Reggie who had tried to sit up but only succeeded in hurting himself more. He repositioned himself to lean against a chair before saying, “Take care of Ray and Carlos for me ok? And-and if Carlos ever figures us out, tell him I miss him, ok?”

Julie sniffled, “I will, I promise, I’ll tell him all about you guys.”

Alex looks like he’s about to say something when a jolt once again hits them, and Julie worries this could be it when they briefly flicker out of existence entirely, but they do come back to her, albeit still faded. Alex must’ve realized how little time they had left, and he started to speak faster to get his last request out.

“Julie, promise me if you ever run into Willie, tell you’ll him that I miss him, and to not blame himself for this happening, ‘cuz he’s gonna do that, and-” he pauses, as if he’s scared to say this next part. “And tell him that I love him.”

Julie agreed, “I’ll find him and tell him, he’ll know how much you cared for him.”

Julie looked down at her boys and tried to memorize every detail about them. Alex’s hair that always seemed to fall in his face, Reggie’s smile that wasn’t here right now, but always seemed to light up a room, and Luke’s voice that always seemed to fill a room, whether he was singing or shouting words of encouragement her way. She had to memorize them, since there were no pictures of them to hold whenever she’d get sad, unlike her mom.

Sure, there was the Edge of Great video, but it was a performance. Something rehearsed. She wished she had more time with them for so many reasons, but she wanted more time to create memories, more time to just do normal things and find a way to record them.

Luke looked up at his defeated bandmates and got their attention by announcing, “Hey guys, band circle.”

The guys couldn’t really move all that well through the pain, but they all stuck their fists together in a circle.”We may not have made it into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame, but we still played the Orpheum and that’s pretty rad.” Luke then turned to Julie and said, “And, when you win your first Grammy and make it big-hey, we know you will, don’t try to deny it-remember us, ok? And, a little shout out wouldn’t hurt either.” Luke tried to give her a wink at that statement, but it just came out as more of a grimace, but Julie tried to give him a smile regardless.

“Alright legends on three ok?” The band nodded.

“One,” Reggie started.

“Two,” Alex added.

But before Julie could finish, there was one final jolt that coursed through the ghosts’ non-existent bodies, and they disappeared for good before they even hit the floor.

There was absolute silence in the studio as Julie whispered out a quiet, “Three,” her fist still reached out in a non existent circle. She dropped her hand to her side before her whole body dropped to the floor, her whole body wracked with sobs as she sat in the dimly lit, empty studio.

She sat there in the studio and just mourned for a while. Or at least, she thinks it’s a while. She doesn’t know how long she sits there, whether it’s been minutes or hours, she doesn’t know, all she knows is she doesn’t know how she’s going to face her family like this. She’s not sure how she could explain this to her father without looking crazy, and she really didn’t know if she could pretend like everything’s ok, when it’s not, it’s not even close to ok.

So consumed in her grief and tears, she almost doesn’t notice the bright white light enveloping her, growing brighter by the second until-

Silence.

Then-

Looks like today is gonna be another sunny day, with temperatures in the low to mid eighties.

[anon-rebel-writes]

Of Pink Fairies and Teenage Boys - 1

Hello everyone! I hope you are having a fantabulous day!

This concept is a little strange, but it gets better the more chapters come out! Hopefully the weirdness doesn’t freak anyone out too much XD

The idea was basically just Marinette being a fairy and Luka kinda being in love with how adorable she is. But now it’s a story about Marinette slowly helping him out with different aspects of his life.

I intended this story to be a slow burn, but I’m impatient so it’s going to be five chapters! :D

I hope you all enjoy this piece! It starts under the cut! Ao3 Link

The hot summer rays pierced into the porthole of his cabin. Light danced across his floor in a rich orange hue as the sun set for the day. The divider in the middle of the room was closed off as soft shuffling came from the other side of the wall.

Luka sat on his bed holding his guitar tightly in his hands - the knuckles turning white with from the pressure. His teeth were clenched and his jaw seemed tense. While this was far from normal, lately Luka was finding it hard to keep his usual calm demeanor.

School was officially out for the summer. Most kids were spending it at the pool or with friends, unfortunately Luka Couffaine was not most kids. He saw his mom working longer hours and coming home later than average. While Anarka wasn’t a woman to complain, he saw how not even her bright attitude could outshine the stress.

Luka decided to help out by taking on extra shifts at his delivery job. The money wasn’t crazy, but it could definitely help his mom out. At the end of the day, he just wanted to make her life easier, even if the extra work made his shoulders a little tighter.

His band, Kitty Section, also thought of increasing their practice times. His sister, Juleka, and their drummer, Ivan, wanted to change rehearsal from once a week, to twice a week. It seemed great for them since neither worked or had much to do during summer break, but Luka found himself worn thin from all the extra playing.

Even now, he found himself cringing slightly at the guitar in his hands. When did music become such a chore? All these thoughts continued to plague his mind as his left hand silently fingered different riffs and notes while his right hand merely tapped along the body of the instrument. It wasn’t hard to see that Luka was in a funk. Usually a bit of meditating would help him relax, but miniature distractions always seemed to pull him out of it. They tended to come from his sister, since she usually sat across from his side of the room.

But Luka didn’t want to blame her, it wasn’t her fault. Luka found himself easier to blame. She was just trying to enjoy her free time, it was summer after all. Yet every time she faintly hummed a tune or tapped her desk, he found himself tensing up and feeling frustrated.

The light outside finally left his room and soft snores were heard through the barrier. He barely felt himself moving as he placed the guitar back on its rack. A shaky breath left him as he ran his fingers through his unruly hair. Nothing was working anymore, time seemed to drag on and yet move so fast. When was the last time he worked on his hair? The strands covered his eyes more each day with the blue dye slowly growing out.

He quietly moved off of his bed to change into something more comfortable for sleep. Luka threw on an old band shirt and some red flannel pajama pants. But staring back at his bed, he felt restless. The corners of his eyes felt watery and he held his arms tightly.

Luka didn’t regret any of the stress. He was doing it for his family. It didn’t matter how exhausted he was after riding his bike all day. It didn’t matter that he could barely keep his eyes open during band practice. The only thing that mattered was that he was helping them.

He took a deep breath before trying to shake off the negative feelings. As Luka moved across his cabin towards the bed, the porthole next to his bed swung open, letting in a huge gust of wind. He instinctively tried to shield himself from anything that could fly inside, but nothing but warm air filled the room. After the initial shock, he moved over to the window and closed it tightly again. He looked over at the divider and listened carefully to make sure Juleka didn’t awaken.

Muffled snoring continued to sound out behind the barrier and he felt a small wave of relief flush over him before a soft voice whispered in his left ear, “Wow you look just like your picture.”

At least Juleka was a heavy sleeper so she couldn’t hear the girlish shriek that came from him. Luka jumped away from the voice, falling onto the ground next to his amp. His head turned towards the source of the voice and he saw a little bug flying where his ear was. But it wasn’t a bug, it was a lot larger than a typical bug. Squinting his eyes, he saw that the ‘bug’ looked like a human girl with wings.

“What. The hell.”

The little flying girl attempted to move towards him, but seeing as Luka cowered into the corner of the room in fear, she stopped herself. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! I’m such a klutz, I don’t wanna mess this up already…”

Luka’s eyes were popping out of his head as he stared at her, trying to rack his brain around whether he had passed out earlier and just forgot. He was tired after work today, surely this must all be a dream. But the little fluttering person continued to ramble, the more she talked, the more Luka realized that this may be real. The bug-person-girl was speaking about an assignment, but then she started waving her arms around, gesturing to him and then her. Luka honestly tried to focus on her words, but her wings were loud and the buzzing sound grabbed his full attention.

“-So that’s basically the situation. Do you understand, Monsieur Couffaine?”

He definitely heard that. How did she know his name already? The girl saw his disoriented expression and sighed, “You didn’t hear anything I said, did you?” He nodded his head and attempted to shuffle closer to his bed, trying to find anything to ground himself.

The girl slowly moved towards him as he finally sat back on the soft surface of his bed. Sitting there was supposed to help him back to reality, but the fabric definitely felt real and not like something he’d feel in a dream. His stomach was knotting and suddenly he felt lightheaded. The flying girl-person-bug perched herself on his guitar and waited for him to settle down. After pinching himself a couple of times to make sure he was awake, he nodded over to her. She gave him a big smile and lifted a hand to him.

“I’m Marinette, your own personal fairy!”

Luka leaned towards her with a finger held out to shake her hand back. Now that he was closer, he could see her a lot better. The girl, Marinette, was surrounded in a soft pink glow. She wore a dress made from varying hues of pink petals. The dress was pulled together on her waist by a small string that tied into a bow behind her. Her hair pulled back into a bun on the top of her head, also tied with string. He squinted and saw that she actually had little feet, and those feet had toes. Which was a very strange thing to be amazed by, considering that she just told him she was a fairy.

In all honesty, despite the strange scenario, Luka found his face burning at her adorable outfit. Which was also a strange thing to think about, because she just told him she was a fairy. “Okay, wow. I have like- a million things going through my mind right now. I’m gonna need a minute-”

A loud snore echoed through the room, interrupting his words. Marinette let go of his finger and both of them went rigid. After what felt like an eternity of waiting to see any signs of Juleka waking up, the fairy flew towards Luka’s face to bring his attention back to her. “Wow. Your sister’s a deep sleeper! Even after your girly scream!” Luka should totally be offended. He should be, but honestly his ego was the least of his concerns.

“Yeah, Jules...she’s good at- I guess- sleeping? I’m sorry, I can’t really focus on her when you’re literally a fairy.”

Marinette let out a soft laugh that oddly sounded sweet, chirpy, and cute. Wait, why was he thinking she was cute?! Not cute. She was not cute. Even if her cheeks were rosy and her hair looked soft and- oh my god why is he thinking like this.

“Well, I guess I should re-explain myself, right? I’m a fairy. We are magical beings here to help humans out when they feel sad. Every fairy is assigned a human to watch over and take care of. After the human is happy again, we wipe our existence from their mind and they go on with their lives. Sounds like a good deal, right?”

While in theory that made sense (honestly it didn’t because up until this point Luka was one-hundred percent sure that fairies weren’t real), he couldn’t help but feel mystified. “Okay...I have so many questions.”

Another chirpy (and cute) giggle came from her and she landed next to him on his bed. “Lucky for you, I may have some answers!”

Luka slowly nodded his head as he watched her walk around his blanket. She honestly couldn’t have been longer than the length of his hand, so seeing her move around really gave him odd feelings, more so than before. “So...Fairies are real?”

Marinette laughed again as she began climbing on his lap. “Yup! We used to roam around in the open, but some awful humans began using us for our magic. Now we hide ourselves and help humans secretly!” Luka looked down at the fairy and saw she began rubbing herself around the hem of his shirt. This was definitely strange. Even if this happened to be a dream, he probably shouldn’t be imagining a fairy rubbing her face against his stomach, right? “Uh- What’re you doing?”

She met his eyes and flew up to his face again. “Sorry, it’s just been so long since I felt such nice fabric. I’ve always wanted to wear cute clothes like you humans do! Your shirt is so soft!”

Not only was he stuck with a mythical creature, but he was stuck with a cute one that happened to enjoy rubbing her face on him. Trying to push any weird thoughts out of his mind, Luka nodded his head and tried to look anywhere else but her. She seemed to sense his uncomfortable aura because she backed away from him and sat on the edge of his porthole. “Why don’t you go to bed, Monsieur Couffaine. I’ll answer all your questions in the morning, okay? A good night’s rest will help get your brain back in working condition!”

Luka looked at Marinette and saw her illuminated by her pink glow and the moonlight. His heart felt like her wings for a moment, but he shook his head to get rid of any strange feelings and stood up. Marinette watched his movements as he walked towards his dresser again and grabbed his blue hoodie.

Her head tilted to the side as she watched him fold it into a small bundle. He walked towards his bed and laid the hoodie onto his amp. Luka looked down timidly at the floor in an effort to avoid her gaze. “I just- I thought a hoodie might be nicer than the window.”

Marinette gave him a soft smile and fluttered back over to his head. She pressed her face into his cheek and then dove into the makeshift bed.

This had to have been a dream. There was no way a fairy just kissed his cheek. Luka found himself a bit dazed at her gesture, so he decided to lay on his bed to try and get some rest. Although with all the adrenaline coursing through his body, he doubted he would sleep for the next week.

At least that’s what he thought before strange dust appeared over his head and his eyes suddenly felt heavier. He glanced over at the nightstand and saw the fairy’s hands twirling in the air out of the hoodie, producing the dust that fell over him.

While this could all be a hallucination due to the lack of sleep he’s been getting lately, he found himself faintly longing for this to not be a dream. A tiny part of him wanted to believe that this could actually be real. But all those thoughts were for tomorrow, right now his body was focused on finally pulling him into slumber. For the first time in a while, Luka found himself peacefully sleeping with a tiny part of him excited for tomorrow.