#and personally experienced
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“Normal” test results are not the relief people think they are. When you wake up in pain and continue to be in pain for hours every day and your tests come back normal you don’t stop being in pain.
#chronic pain#I guess#cripplepunk#crip punk#<— correct me if that’s overstepping#what do I tag this with#I obviously didn’t get a diagnosis#personal but I’m also really scared of needles#and having to go through the fear and pain and crying and screaming#for nothing#doesn’t feel good#people tell me it’s not “nothing#but I know exactly what I did before the tests#which is nothing!!#and I didn’t have to go through that pain for that!!!#also å few months ago I genuinely thought it was completely normal#later I realised that spending hours each morning warming up my hands to feel usable might be more pain and stiffness than other people#experienced#I genuinely didn’t expect all of my friends to say they didn’t feel ANY pain at all#and now I’m just hyper aware of how not normal this is#and I’m still in pain#and now I’m not gonna get any help other than a “try heat therapy from the doctor#which is what I was already doing#like no im not crying cause I’m not sick#it would be great if I wasn’t sick#but clearly something’s wrong
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I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?
I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.
Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.
(ETA here although it's impossible to edit reblogs: over the months since this post really took off, there has been valuable discussion in the comments. I stand by the passion with which I wrote this post and with the general message, but not all the exact wording. I talk more about the way I'd re-write this post in a response here, replying to an addition that added a ton of useful context [other additions touched on similar themes, but that person had it all together in one reblog]. With that said, I am muting this post.)
#I know I'm not the first person to say this but#a book cannot put you in visceral fear of your safety or someone else's safety#reading is not a traumatic experience#it may be a triggering experience if you are already traumatized by something else. that is different.#meanwhile actual trauma is not always experienced as consciously upsetting!#people may act extremely chill while being traumatized!#only to then be judged by a peanut gallery on how they handled things#<one reblog recommended not using 'peanut gallery' in the future so I'll amend to say: an audience of uninvolved onlookers#trauma
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contracts written in blood
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#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#comic#I was thinking about it#chilchuck was not the first person to the experience of almost being used as bait#it was apparently a very common practice#and so I’m like. He definitely has known people in his community who ended up meeting this fate#who didn’t get out on time the way he did#i dont think he formed the whole union over just his own experience#Anyways shoutout to meijack#Experiencing the trauma that is seeing your father cry#beabell#Chilchuck backstory stuff#Clemjo
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Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.
#transandrophobia#transmasculine experiences#antitransmasculinity#transmisandry#im so exhausted from both cis and trans people acting like trans men choosing to engage with femininity as much or as little as we want is#somehow a statement on how we feel about women#and not just our own personal comfort#make all the forced fem jokes you would like#but remember those of us who were forced to be feminine#actually experienced serious trauma from that#and deserve a space to talk about it
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I think Gastronauts on Dropout is the cooking show that has made me truly appreciate the skill of professional chefs more than any other cooking show.
Like I don't know if it's because the challenges are so crazy or the fact that the judges don't have any professional input whatsoever (they're all comedians), but the combination of how utterly stoked the judges are to be eating this food and how creative the chefs get to be really works to make you marvel at just how skilled a professional chef has to be.
Other cooking shows always have a level-voiced narrator listing out shit like,
"Rebecca is doing a praline-mint ganache with a Twiffly Street stir-up, combined with a gestelle Santa Maria sponge technique."
And it's fun to pretend like, 'Ah, yes. Of course! A classic of the genre! She'd be a fool not to!' as though I know anything about cooking or baking.
But on Gastronauts, it's a bunch of comedians who would really graciously appreciate some fancy food, watching chefs cook and going, like,
"What is that? What is he doing?? It's like- like a swishy thing! Like a fancy swishy thing!!"
"OH MY GOD YES, HE'S USING ONIONS."
"Ooo! Crunchies!??"
And then the chefs get to come out and formally present their food, which makes them look very smart. And these actors who generally can't afford Michelin star cuisine are just :DDDD!
And it's like, oh yeah. This is about my level, yes. This conveys how normal people who don't eat good food for a living would actually react. And it's super chill. It's good vibes, that show. 👌
#gastronauts#dropout#original#jordan myrick#none of these are quotes from anything. I don't know anything about cooking. it's why I relate to this show.#I like that it makes the chefs look legit as fuck#because it gives me an average person an idea of how delicious this food is. it's hard to tell when it's being experienced#always by professional celebrity chef judges or whatever. I'd be so excited about this food too! and i have ARFID!
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dysphoria
#i hope it comes across clearly that his arms are that of his gladiator design#melting away from the body he has...#maccadam#soundwave#tfp#vart#on a personal note: the more my body changes with age the more i realize how much dysphoria i've experienced#and how much happier i'm becoming with it. i hope i get to a point where i feel at home#its been a lot to process
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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I'd feel like we get a scenario where during an adventure, Kinger saves the cast from getting destroyed from something. Making Kinger get liked as the cast thanks him, in the background, Caine would feel like Kinger might be replacing him. Leading to him be jealous, aware and scared that he'll get replaced (It's in my opinion)
You are so correct, after Kinger started making adventures he's get a lot of praise - and if ZOOBLE of all people is complimenting your adventures, surely something about you must be faulty, right?
Or maybe it's just the newbie AI... yeah it must be that...
#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc au#tadc fanart#pomni#tadc pomni#kinger#tadc kinger#caine#tadc caine#jax#tadc jax#zooble#tadc zooble#ragatha#tadc ragatha#gangle#tadc gangle#bubble#tadc bubble#gamemaster kinger au#finally got to this ask aughghgg#also some actual bubble interacting LMAO#he actually gets a personality in this au I promise !!!#in this edition of caine experiencing new emotions: caine learns about envy
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Task Complete
#patricia taxxon#task#fanart#fan animation#animation#dark's arts#task fundamentally changed me as a person so wanted to make a tribute to how a feel a more complete person after experiencing it#go listen to taxxon's stuff its amazing
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List of “sweet and intimate actions which make me go feral and have me folding like a folding chair” prompts
Character B carding their fingers through Character A’s hair and playing with the strands.
Character B peeling back the neck of Character A’s turtle neck sweater to trail gentle kisses down their neck. (This!! It is so hot, and it's everything I didn't know I needed until now, and I cannot stop thinking about it wlkfnlkwe)
Character B placing their arm around Character A’s waist while in public, resting their chin on Character A’s shoulder. “Hello,” they say in a teasing tone as Character A tries to grab ahold of their hand to keep it there but fails a few times before successfully doing so.
Leaning against each other while in public.
Spooning and back hugs.
Character B letting Character A rest their head on their chest; lets them listen to their heart beat.
Character B whispering sweet nothings into Character A’s ear.
Character B checking in on Character A to make sure they’re comfortable and okay with the way things are going; to make sure they’re not being too much. “You’re not,” Character A would reassure, repositioning themselves to get closer to Character B.
Just cuddles and snuggles in general.
Neck kisses.
Kisses littered all over the face. (!!! It's one thing to read about it and one thing to experience it wlejbfewljn)
Character B tucking Character A’s head under their chin while they’re cuddling.
Character B nuzzling their neck and breathing in Character A’s scent/fragrance, and commenting on how nice they smell.
Character B making sure Character A gets home safe by driving them home.
Character A telling Character B to message them when they get back home safe, and once Character B gets home, they follow through by sending a message to let Character A know they’ve gotten back home safe.
Taking naps together, from day till night, waking up every now and then to get more snuggles in.
That soft exhalation of adoring laughter leaving Character B’s mouth after kissing Character A (this shit had me folding so fucking hard it’s not even funny. I Am Weak).
That soft exhalation of laughter once again just because Character B is so content with having Character A in their presence, and Character A just basking in how cute that sound is and how happy it makes them.
Character B entangling their legs with Character A’s, pressing their bodies flush against each other’s, leaving little to no space between them. (It’s almost like they can’t get enough of Character A.)
Kissing so many times, to the point where they lose track of how many times they’ve kissed already.
Holding hands and lacing their fingers together while they’re cuddling.
Comparing hand sizes and giggling about it together.
Character B stroking Character A’s hair while they’re asleep. (Or uh, pretends to be asleep DJSKKSKDSK but it’s so FUCKING CUTE WHEN HE DID THAT IM GONNA SCREAM, me thinking moments like these only happen in Korean dramas or some shit anfkakfksk-)
The sweet little banters in between; Character B being all cheesy and Character A playfully deflecting their comments only for Character B to playfully push back with an “Is something wrong with that?” or “But I’m not lying.”
Falling asleep in each other’s arms, both not wanting to leave the bed for the entire day and wanting to stay comfortably snuggled up against each other instead.
Character B placing their hands on Character A’s shoulders, and Character A, with a grin on their face, gently grabs Character B’s hands and wraps their arms around their neck while leaning back into them. Character B reciprocates by hugging them closer to them.
The soft noises of content Character A makes when they snuggle closer to Character B, or when they want Character B to hold them closer to them, with Character B happily obliging.
Character B rubbing their cheek against Character A’s.
Character B trying to not wake Character A up because they look so comfortable when sleeping. (His words, not mine.)
Soft, repeated pecks on the lips, causing Character A to laugh/smile against Character B’s lips.
#long post#again these are things i’ve experienced w/ cat guy that day#personal once again#me as character A and him as character B#not me exposing myself like this on a public platform wlkjfnefn#but then again i've got no shame left in me after all the rambles and vents i've been doing sOOO...#writing prompts#otp prompts#prompts#writing scenarios#cat guy chronicles
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Autistic Social Trauma








Autistic Qualia
#autism#actually autistic#social trauma#sadly I’ve experienced quite a bit of these#personal experiences#I’m sure many of you have experienced these too#neurodiversity#neurodivergence#actually neurodivergent#feel free to share/reblog#Autistic Qualia (Facebook)
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Seeing people from kink tumblr get into relationships with one another is crazy like im scared to even message my mutuals how the hell are yall pulling on here
#looked at a blog I follow and suddenly they’re dating another person I follow#what kind of meet cute are yall experiencing#on tumblr no less#altar confessions#ftm lamb#sacrificial lamb#lamb boy#t4t puppy#ftm t4t#ftm nsft#ftm puppy#t4t nsft#puppyboy#t4t#trans loser#ftm sub
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I understand wanting to make sure people are represented, but why do you keep bringing up POC trans issues?
because you crackers keep evidently forgetting the basics, including "listening to when the black girls talk about it".
#anon#i dont want to!!!!! i shouldnt have to!!!! its not my place!!!!#but i cant talk about my black girlfriend getting banned off the site without people saying ACTUALLY IT WASNT BECAUSE SHE WAS BLACK#and when i say uh yes actually im pretty sure it definitely was and heres all the exact reasons why theyre like#WOW SOMEONE FINALLY PUT IT INTO WORDS#when a black girl sitting behind me did 25 minutes ago#at what point is it like okay do i have to fuckin teach you how to use google too#why can i not talk about a black person experiencing being a black person without it becoming a plot hole for some reason
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I was thinking what if her hair looks different because of toga's blood transplant which makes no sense scientifically but actually guys it's possible w the power of love ☝🏻
#i should draw mina more she's so cute#i feel like it's been years since i posted 😭 sorry#school and band takes a lot out of me#and I've been experiencing a personal loss recently so sorry if i don't get to asks or posting as much ♥️#bnha#mha#my hero academia#togachako#uraraka ochako#mina ashido#toga himiko#my artwork
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