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zhuoyichenpretty · 13 days ago

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Ep 26 Commentary

Alrightyy I've mustered up what's left of my brain for a belated ep 26 commentary post. IRL responsibilities are getting a bit away from me so I wasn't able to spend as much time on this as usual; apologies if the haste shows through! Consider this more reaction than meta.

As always, spoilers under the cut:

A carry-over comment, but I really do appreciate the Li Lun/ZYC scene in ep 25 for how it solidified ZYC's resolve and reminded him of where his heart is, what he believes in, what he chooses to defend. Such a load-bearing and pivotal conversation for both characters in opposite directions of development. It also makes ZYC's return to the Bureau triumphant in a way, despite all the preceding trauma, despair, and hopelessness. WX embraces him in relief that he's safe and in comfort for what they've all just been through, and for us, it's doubly meaningful as a sort of homecoming after a confrontation that only we have witnessed. It's also interesting, the cutaway as they hug, the things we have been made privy to and the things that are kept private from us.

Ouuughh the lines voiced over as ZYZ and ZYC meet eyes for the first time since all that transpired in Tianxiang Pavilion. It gives such a deep sense of wordless understanding and intimacy. I'm reminded of when the show did that for Ranyi and Miss Qi's final lines.

As I mentioned previously, a lot of subtext became text in this episode, which was quite exciting (and also extremely adorable the way ZYC was like "I think I've said too much" /// afterwards). I didn't expect ZYC to convey his understanding of ZYZ to him so soon, but that really goes back to something I love about ZYC: that he doesn't really waste time expressing something once he's come to an emotional conclusion. Maybe there's something to be said there about how he knows, after the loss of his family, how important it is to say the words when you have them to the people in front of you while they're still here.

If ZYC's words and his tears offered to a catatonic ZYZ in ep 23 were an expression of star-crossed and conflicted love, this parallel scene is just an utterly unrestrained confession, the stars be damned.

Also, tbh I never found ZYC's reactions to ZYZ to be unfounded or unreasonable, even when misguided in the beginning (and necessarily so, given the narrative and premise) or at times harsh (which I also found much-needed for ZYZ to hear, and delivered with obvious sympathetic anguish). He was clearly reflecting and actively revising his own preconceived notions this entire time, feeling for ZYZ the whole way through, and I do think he's demonstrated realistically and impressively the full extent of empathy perhaps as far as it can possibly stretch without personally experiencing ZYZ's life himself and while still living and feeling for his own. But to see ZYC so ready to address his previous flaws, to admit them and correct them, to go beyond them and to reach out so plainly for ZYZ in front of him now that he has that personal experience—the relationship between them has transcended the initial set-up of two opposing characters meeting in the middle. The show has gone that extra step and made their perspectives one. And given that I didn't personally find that step to be narratively necessary, so to say, (as in, even without it there's not truly a narrative obstacle because I already believed ZYC loves ZYZ despite everything and we've already seen the lengths he'll go to not to kill ZYZ), it feels like a choice in every definition of the word. Like a development motivated by love all the way down.

WX gets the least traumatic cloak-draping scenes out of the three of them, thank god.

Oh shit I forgot about fixing the Wilderness I'm so glad they didn't lmao.

Ahhh the crossroads moment at a literal (kind of) crossroads right before entering the Bingyi Clan's forbidden area. ZYC suddenly wanting to go alone or back out, stuck weighing the danger to everyone's lives, who they can and can't save depending on his choices. It makes me think of what happens when we let intense love in and it comes with intense fear, makes us freeze up. Suddenly, the stakes are in sharp relief, and the courage to move forward isn't so simple anymore.

"修好了，你也別死" ("Once it's fixed, don't die either.") Head in hands. ZYC's voice here, his expression, that desperation. Yeah I think this episode was so draining because of how all pretense is being stripped away and all that's left is ZYC's profound love for everyone, so raw and vulnerable that it hurts to watch, especially knowing he won't have it easy trying to keep everyone alive.

Kind of love how freely ZYC cries and says the vulnerable things in front of all his loved ones. Like. That's truly his family, his people, his heart.

ZYZ please. Imagine ZYC's grief without you. Please just stay.

Yay 12 seconds of angst-free bickering right before (as someone else called it) the trolley problem

Ok so, I'm not sure how common this interpretation/reading of the following scene is, but it's been rattling around in my head for a while now so I'm just gonna include it here. If y'all disagree, pls disregard! Basically, when ZYC first turned to PSJ and thanked her, I was terrified for a moment that he would ask her to stay. Because on one hand, ZYC would never, but on the other hand, imo there's a lot of (I think deliberate) ambiguity baked into the scene. In ZYC turning to PSJ right after we're told "one of your friends or all three of them," in him starting the series of goodbyes with the character he has the least onscreen development with, in the finality of what he says to her but also the lack of clarity on just who this is final for, in PSJ's expression and WX's reaction, in the dramatic turning away at the end. Like, until he turns away from her, I think there's room for interpretation on what he's decided to do, and as someone who's grown quite surprisingly invested in the ZYC-PSJ dynamic, I'm kind of morbidly interested in this reading of events.

What might be going through PSJ's head at ZYC's words, if at this moment she hasn't yet realized his self-sacrificial intent? Does she think she's going to be asked to stay? Does she assess the situation, conclude that she's the person ZYC is least close to and perhaps the one least able to contribute in whatever comes next as the only human here, and begin resigning herself to this outcome? Are the tears in her eyes the sole indication of her conflicted unwillingness to die here that makes it through because as he's talking, she's evaluated that this is the best possible scenario for them all (esp for WX) and will commit herself to his decision even if it also breaks her heart to be chosen this way?

I may be taking this and running a bit far with it, but I just think the ambiguity of this one brief moment can create such angsty implications between the lines (as if we needed more angst...) and despite their scarce onscreen interactions, I'm kind of a sucker for the "extremely noble (to the point of tragedy) knight choosing to acknowledge and follow and dedicate their silent loyalty to a leader they deeply respect" dynamic, even if it is understated with all the other relationships going on in this show. Given how reticent PSJ is, it makes a meaningful impact on me every time she displays concern for ZYC, so you know it crushed me to watch her desperately and irrationally (the most pragmatic of them all!) try to shoot at him with her arrows while knowing there's no way it'd work. The way she was the first to act, the sound of nothing but the ice and the stretch of the bowstring. I really do love their platonic bond much more than I expected to.

Oof. The freezing. I don't want to sound like a broken record but I loved TJR's acting here because I think it's so easy for this scene to look awkward as he's stuck facing forward and pretending to freeze haha. His microexpressions as he realizes ZYZ is behind him, as he tries to chase him away with his words, as he's probably burning from the inside out with all that ice. That last tear as his gaze turns hollow. A+

I also love ZYZ's lines about not believing he can't overcome ZYC's powers like yeah this is a newborn demon with no inner core and ice powers that he taught him lmao

Okay, that's a wrap for my thoughts on this ep! I was originally going to include ep 27 reactions here too, but seeing as this is getting a little long, maybe I'll roll 27 into my thoughts on ep 28? We shall see!

#fangs of fortune #fangs of fortune spoilers #episode commentary #meta #zhuo yichen #tian jiarui

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ginneke · 1 year ago

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for the fanfic end of the year asks, number 3!

(Fanfic end of the year asks available here: link)

Oh, thank you for the ask! And there’s really one passage that stands out to me as a favourite of 2023, which hails from Corrigendum – the self-indulgent, entirely unnecessary third part of my series Keepsakes.

But first, as single lines go, it has to be this:

"Why," says Revali, his voice lifting in shrill distress, "do you never pay the slightest bit of attention to me?"

(from A Study In Patience. Part 2 coming soon!)

(…What, did you think it would be that line from the end of A Seed of Song chapter 4? While that is certainly a favourite line, it was technically my favourite line of 2022 – it was already written all the way back in Feb ‘22, even though it was another 16 months before you would see it.)

—

Anyway. Corrigendum. Chosen passage and a brief recap/rationale below, under a cut for length and for varying degrees of spoilers for, somehow, all three of Keepsakes, Pinesong, and Moonlight:

Keepsakes was originally a two-part meditation on the piece of cloth Revali tied to the Great Eagle Bow, which always remains on it no matter how many times you break it and have it rebuilt, and the following line of Harth’s in the first Keepsakes story, Memento: “Where things are kept, what they are kept with, that has a meaning.”

Memento and Lacuna were both set within the boundaries of canon, focusing on Link’s possession of the Great Eagle Bow and more than a small dose of headcanon about the Paraglider; Corrigendum, meanwhile, played on the famous amnesia plotline of @ghirahimbo’s Pinesong, with a little of my and @heleentje’s answer to the Alive!Champions scenario in our Moonlight series baked in: if there were stasis chambers in the Divine Beasts, just like how the Shrine of Resurrection was revealed to be part of a Divine Beast in the Champions’ Ballad DLC, then was it not possible that the revived Champions might suffer a similar level of memory loss as Link did: i.e., total?

That’s the context with which the following scene between Revali and Zelda needs to be read. (A small section relating to Zelda’s personal feelings of guilt and regret has been cut for length.)

There was one person she hadn't mentioned, of course. Revali wondered whether she would comment on it of her own accord, but she seemed willing to speak only of others. If he had to pry the words from her, so be it. "I cannot help but notice someone missing from your account, pri- Zelda," he said, correcting himself at the last second. It felt strange to address her without titles: a hundred years and his memory removed from such formality, and yet it still seemed like an overstep. Next to him, Zelda went very tense. "What do you mean?" Honestly. Must he spell it out for her? "You," he said, as though it should be obvious. To him it was: it seemed its own sort of hellishness, to have so many memories that nobody else shared. "How are you faring?" Her look of surprise – had he truly shown so little concern for her in the past, that she was taken aback by his questioning now? – faded into something more sombre. "I... cannot complain," she said at last, which seemed to be all she was willing to say on the subject. [...] Zelda inhaled a steadying breath. "...About Li–" Her words lodged like ice. Revali cut her off: "Don't." He couldn't bear to speak of Link. Not now. Perhaps not ever. Certainly not while he was so incapable of reconciling the words in his diary with the roiling confusion left in their wake. Even thinking of that knight brought a wave of weariness over him. Though Zelda had done nothing wrong, Revali no longer had any wish to continue the conversation.

Revali and Zelda come into this conversation from incredibly disparate positions, and they're on completely different pages. Firstly, Zelda has the advantage of memory, but in some ways Revali has a clearer view of what their relationship from 100 years ago was actually like, thanks to his diary (the contents of which are alluded to or outright paraphrased in the opening part of this scene). Secondly, Zelda has full knowledge of what happened to Link -- at least up until he disappeared after the thought of re-boarding Vah Ruta (as Zelda wanted to do in the 'true ending' of BOTW) proved too much for the Keepsakes version of Link. (Yes, Link’s disappearing act is another small nod to Pinesong.)

But Revali does not.

From Zelda’s point of view, Revali’s comment about ‘some[body] missing from [her] account’ sounds like a not-so-subtle dig at the missing Link. I actually tried to thread this idea through even in his narration: 'she seemed willing to speak only of others', is meant to tread that thin boundary line of which person he's actually talking about, Zelda or Link.

Her reaction is therefore wary: she wonders how much Revali now remembers, and how much of his comment is a continuation of his century-old dislike of Link. — After all, she wasn’t privy to the scene in Lacuna’s flashback; and despite that interlude, Revali and Link’s relationship didn’t change all as much as they might have hoped. (Or as much as Link wants to believe, by the end of Memento/Lacuna—the true backstory there was one of might-have-beens instead of let’s-do-betters.)

She’s surprised, then, by Revali’s question being not about Link, but about herself. And this is something that I would have loved to delve into a little, but the nature of the story kept me bound tightly to Revali’s perspective: Zelda is doing well only in that she’s throwing herself into distractions, trying to adjust to the circumstances of being a hundred years displaced from the world she’s familiar with.

(Sidenote: I toyed with that dichotomy of the post-Calamity world being utterly uncanny to her – at once familiar and yet also somehow alien – in another story I wrote this year, catharsis, which had Zelda finally reuniting with Impa after a century.)

And she has ample distractions with the other Champions, who – as her recounting of events implies – she’s spent rather a lot of time around, and considerably more time than she has with Revali. She wouldn’t even be at Rito Village now if it wasn’t the home of Kass, the only person she thought might be able to find Link.

Perhaps, if she had taken a little more care to visit him, Zelda would be aware of the narrative Revali has been constructing, piece by piece, while he’s been left to fend for himself…

To an extent, Revali's own diary was held against him. His words are taken as a primary source of insight into his character, rather than at least part of his writing being a continuation of his attempts to define and shape his future legacy (his 'legend', as the diary's forepage none-too-subtly declares).

Yes, Harth did come to the conclusion of something existing between the Rito and Hylian Champions of a century ago (incidentally, that's why he makes the offer of showing Revali the same sheaf of papers he shared with Link in Memento – providing an alternative source of information), but Teba has a different focus. Harth is interested in the truth of the story; Teba is protective of the people involved, and with only circumstantial evidence to suggest that Champion Revali had at least some positive feeling towards that knight, and significantly more evidence to suggest Revali didn't care at all for Link, he deflects and puts it off for now.

Nobody expected Link to be AWOL for months.

And that brings us back to this passage, the first real opportunity for the truth to come out; and so Zelda takes the initiative, trying to bring up Link. 'If you want to know how we're all doing,' she's thinking, 'then I should tell you about him as well.'

But Revali is of the belief – entirely logically, based on the facts he knows! – that Link is long dead. Whether 100 years ago, or at some point in the decades since. Hylian lifespans just aren't long enough for him to still be around. We only need to look at the oldest Hylians living in Hateno, who weren't born until after the Calamity during the Era of Burning Fields, to know that 80-90 seems to be the Hylian limit.

—

Here's another thing: In the time since writing Corrigendum, I saw a post here on tumblr suggest that grief is a topic that's fairly impossible to write about, because grief doesn't end as long as you remember it, and it's the sort of thing that hits you, over and over, in often mundane ways that look bizarre to the outsider. Yet -- not to put too high a declaration of quality on my writing, but I honestly do believe that I achieved that in Corrigendum, while staying true to the character in question.

Yes, it was deliberately under-written, circled around instead of facing it head-on -- even the early use of the word 'grief' was shied away from, declaring it only 'something like grief'. That felt far more 'Revali' than giving in to sentiment. So far, most of this emotion has been in the gaps where he's confronted with knowledge of the past, of something missing, of something more to Link; he's seeing Link better in this patchwork recollection, able at last to look beyond '[the] sword that drew the eye and distracted from the man that bore it'. And it's in these moments that his true feelings linger, even if he can't (or won't) give voice to them.

—

Link has always been a touchy subject. Once, they might have been on a similar page regarding that (their mutual complicated feelings about a boy around their age to whom things seemed to come so easily).

In reality, they still are — and it's a different page to the one they shared before, of resentment and frustration and trying to figure out their own place. Link has long become a person to them—Zelda openly, as seen throughout the original game; Revali less obviously, but still apparent through his post-Blight dialogue and particularly in the DLC content, as well as the additional background and memory/ies I created for Memento/Lacuna.

But this Revali – a Revali who still has only a partial sense of his own identity, who doesn't necessarily like the person he'd been even if he can't figure out who else he could be – this version of Revali can't yet acknowledge or confront the truth of what he's experiencing.

What I wanted was to challenge Revali to say it out loud and admit to it — "I am grieving." This, here, is the closest Revali can currently get... Ice. Roiling confusion. Something unbearable. Weariness. Within his narration, the raw, aching wound of grief is clear, but aloud, the only thing he can think to do is to cut Zelda off and prevent her from saying what he cannot yet confront.

"Don't." Don't bring him up. Don't make me hear this. Don't make it real.

Characters frantically back-scrabbling away from open and frank communication, in the interests of protecting their own fragile hearts, is something that can be so delightful.

—

Zelda, who isn't privy to the struggle Revali is going through, can only hear this rejection at face-value and back off, assuming that things are as they were 100 years ago. This is something that can only be repaired by finding Link himself – and so she'll continue with her original plan, enlisting Kass to help track the wayward swordsman down.

(And Revali will finally give voice to what he's been feeling… when a certain someone arrives in Rito Village :3 )

#fanfic asks #fanfic ask meme #fic series: keepsakes #fic: corrigendum #ginnefic #(about) my writing #an anon appears #thank you for the ask!

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rjshepherd · 4 years ago

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How would the five lords react to the SO death.

Each one would die from heart break

ssksksksk SO I ACTUALLY HAVENT FLESHED OUT HOW I WRITE ANY OF THE LORDS EXCEPT HEISENBERG. IM STILL IN THE PROCESS OF DOING IT BUT ILL CERTAINLY GIVE THEM ALL A GO

Miranda

Miranda is completely at a loss over your death. She now needs 2 vessels to bring back both her greatest loves. She's even more violent than before, stepping up her experiments and expanding the mold to dangerous degrees. If somehow she does manage to bring you back, she wont be the same woman you loved, so changed by grief she is virtually unrecognisable. part of her wanted to curl up and die, just as she had done with Eva but she knew she had to press on, no matter the cost to her or the world at large.

Alcina

Alcina is dramatic but perhaps justifiably so. She's never loved anyone as she did you. Learning that you had died was physically painful for her. she goes through the stages of grief quicker than most. First is shock. she laughs at the messenger, tells them they are mistaken. how could YOU have died? she took such good care of you, protected you from everyone and everything. there's no way, they have the wrong address. When the message finally reaches her brain, alcina goes quiet and paler than normal. her eyes are welling up but she tries to stay composed, wait until she is alone before breaking down in a fit of despair. She breaks things, smashes mirrors and windows and screams until her voice gives out. After anger comes depression; alcina spends days if not weeks locked in her personal quarters sobbing and looking over old photos. She doesn't eat or drink, even at her daughters insistence and begins to wither away. They miss you too, you made their mother so happy.

Eventually Miranda interveens, forcing alcina to get a grip and take care of her condition again. She promises alcina if the right vessel can be found, she will bring you back again. Miranda has no intention of following through, but it will ensure Alcina's loyalty for years to come. She adds another rose to her lapel. a white one to represent her pure love for you.

Donna

Donna's reaction to the news of your passing has people a little concerned. she doesn't cry, she doesn't scream, she doesn't even seem to react at all. the only sign that she's even heard the news is that Angie twitches in her hand slightly. Donna removes herself from the situation, literally and figuratively. She takes to her bed, losing interest in even breathing in and out. Angie gathers dust by her bedside and donna hardly moves for days at a time. she seems even more like a ghost than normal.

One day, she appears back with the other lords like nothing has happened, but they can all sense her illness has gotten worse than before. Her flowers sprout everywhere and even the other lords are stuck with her forced hallucinations of you, making them all pretend you're alive and well. When that finally falls through donna disappears again for a few days, returning with a new doll to play with. She brings the you!puppet to meetings, has dinner with it and takes it to bed like its the real thing. Its very unhealthy all round. poor girl just isnt coping well.

Moreau

ok might lose some people with this one but moreau looks to you as a parental figure more than a partner. i don't think he has the mental capacity for such relationships in his current state. Losing you is like a child losing their guardian , just as devastating as losing an s/o albeit in a different way . he wanders about the reservoir looking lost and sobbing. he does that thing that fish do when they're sick, just sitting at the bottom of his lake not moving until the stones start to scratch up his stomach and legs. when someone coaxes him onto dry land he just lies in front of his tv and watches the static, or replays your favorite movie on repeat until the tape wears out. The other lords actually feel for him, they want to help but have no idea how. they just didn't understand your relationship or why you would even want to be around him. His love for you competed with his love for miranda, so she wasn't sad to see you go. After a few days of letting him mope she goes about poisoning Moreau's memory of you. Soon his love for you is replaced with even more fanatic love for miranda. She didn't leave him like you did after all.

Karl

Outwardly, he seems to take it the best out of all of them. He accepts the news somewhat gracefully. i imagine he asks to see your body so he can say goodbye, no matter what state you were in. Actually the state of your body would depend on how well he cold keep it together. no wounds to the point you looked like you were sleeping, he'd spend a lot of time saying goodbye, stroking your hair and cheek, maybe talking to you for a few hours. i imagine he would give you something of his like his necklace or tags so that you would always have a piece of him. He'd keep it together until he was alone, then break down. Karl's response to a lot of negative emotional stimuli is usually anger, but right now he just doesnt have the energy for that. He just sits in his chair or a corner of his lab and drinks until he passes out.

If you were a mangled mess, he would be less stoic. I imagine he would need to be pulled away from your body by the other lords to stop him seeing you in such a state. They dont want his last memory of you to be of blood and gore.

If miranda were responsible? well, somethings getting broken. Karl lets out a massive discharge of electricity that takes out a lot of the electrics in the building. foolish, since he'll need to replace them but he just had to get that anger out. He's out for this woman's blood now.

No matter what happened to you, karl is even more determined to get his revenge on miranda. He works all hours of the day and night to perfect his experiments and pull a bride of frankenstein and bring you back somehow. again, like donna, this is not a healthy way to cope but we all know grief does funny things to people

there you go nonnie! i had a lot of fun with this one, im actually trying hard to write for alcina right now so maybe ill start writing the other lords eventually too!

#alcina dimitrescu #mother miranda #donna beneviento #salvatore moreau #karl heisenberg #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8 #resident evil #my stuff #my headcanons #my asks #karl heisenberg headcanons #donna beneviento headcanons #headcanons

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red-doll-face · 4 years ago

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Here is a request for slashers if they're open. My brain does a thing where I am affectionate w a person but if I get nudged away (even if it's just to readjust the position), it goes "oh no. They don't want u to touch them. Do not touch ever again or they will get mad at u. U disgust them." Even tho touch is my love language & it hurts, I just won't touch. If confronted, I will get confused & panicky cuz "u didn't want me to touch? Im respecting ur wishes? Did I miss something?" Its a mess.

Requests are indeed open, I’m sorry I take foreverrr to do these but i hope u enjoy! I don’t know what to call this tho. For simplicity’s sake I’m calling this nervous reader lmao, idk what else to call these.

Slashers x gn nervous Reader

Jason Voorhees:

Jason can very much relate to the feeling. When he first meets you, he’s sure that you’re frightened. He restrains from being too close to avoid coming off as overbearing, doesn't want to touch you because if you flinch he’ll be so hurt. He just assumes he disgusts you. Based on the reaction all of his other victims have when they see him, he’s sure you’ll probably be the same.

Once Jason is sure that you don't feel that way, he’s a cuddle monster. He wants to be close all of the time, holding hands, letting you sit in his lap, you name it. He’s so starved and quickly decides that touch is his love language too. He’s not even sure how he’s lived this long without it.

The only time I can see Jason maybe gently sort of setting you down elsewhere and walking off is when he senses strangers on the property of what once was Crystal Lake. He’s out the door before he can even see your hurt expression, Which is worse because this might lead you to jump to conclusions.

If you distance yourself from Jason, he immediately is thrown off. He can’t directly ask you if he’s done something wrong and when he tries to initiate affection with you and you don’t reciprocate whole heartedly, he’s at a loss.

He’ll get on one knee while you sulk on the couch and give you a silent plea to tell him what's wrong. You can panic and try and avoid it but he is certain there's something going on and he wants so badly to know what he’s done to put you off. You tell him and he immediately is shaking his head no, he could never be mad at you, never be disgusted with you. You’re the most breathtaking person he’s ever had the pleasure of holding, the first, most likely.

Jason nods because he understands how you feel. In the future, he’s persistent about how you feel when he untangles himself from you, making sure you’re ok.

Michael Myers:

In the later stages of your relationship, Michael is insatiable when it comes to being in contact with you. For a long time, towards the start of your relationship, he didn’t like it. It felt weird. All of the touch he's experienced prior was so clinical and sterile that he doesn’t quite know how good touch is supposed to feel. He’s so touch starved that he’s almost positive he doesn't even need it.

Slowly, he builds a tolerance for it, much like one does with alcohol, constantly checking his boundaries and letting him control the situation and he’s all for movie night, huddled up on the couch, or waking up with his head on your chest. His own personal pillow.

There are, however, moments when his need to make someone tremble with fear and then blodgeon them to death with a can opener from their own kitchen becomes too strong, so he tries to keep away from you. In the past, he might have used you to satisfy similar desires of a sexual nature and may have really hurt you but he knows that it’s not always enjoyable to you.

Then, you stop touching him. Much like Jason, he starts to think you’ve become sick of him. Sick of his coldness, his muteness, his withdrawn demeanor. Maybe you’ve moved on and he tries to tell himself he doesn’t care but he doesn't think he can see himself touching anyone but you now.

It gets to the point where he comes home one day and you look heavily troubled, expressions he’s seen on your face before, only in the event that something terrible has happened. You ask to speak to him and he obliges.

You explain that you don’t think this relationship is working, that you’re pretty sure he’s disgusted with you and how difficult this event is because you didn't even want to talk about it but it's been hurting you for too long.

His response is to stand up very slowly, pick you up and lay down with you over him, simply laying there. Hopefully, knowing you’re the one person he would ever allow to participate in this intimacy is enough to show you that you mean more than you think you do to him.

RZ Michael Myers:

This Michael is more perceptive to your touch than his counterpart, your touch sends little shivers down his spine and as soon as he gets pretty used to it, he’s eager for more. This also takes some time but significantly less. He’s enamored with the idea of returning to a somewhat normal life. Your affection grounds him in that fantasy as much as being a murderer might take him out of it.

As he establishes a relationship with you, he may even be the one to start touching you instead of the other way around. He’s read books and always wondered what it might feel like to have someone genuinely touch him without fear in their eyes. Without malice.

An unsuccessful ‘day at work’ might have Michael feeling a little het up though. He can be moody and more rageful. Neither you nor his hobbies can calm him. He seems colder than usual in these states and can come off as very standoffish.

So when you try and touch him and he shrugs your hand off his shoulder, he can’t or isn't in the state of mind to address your frown and worried look. Michael, instead stomps off somewhere to be alone for a while; maybe take his anger out on something else. Some unsuspecting soul or maybe even a poor animal in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After he’s calmed down some, he returns and almost forgot about that sad little gleam in your eye before he left. Michael remembers when he sees you blankly staring at the TV, pointedly avoiding his gaze even as you utter a weak welcome home. It’s not very welcoming. He sits stiffly beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. You’re closed off from him and he doesn't like it at all.

Migrating towards you slowly, he eases you into a familiar hug, his big bear hugs that are a little tight but inviting all the same. His huge torso and long arms seem to swallow you in his warmth. You hardly reciprocate. You look a little surprised. Though he never addresses it verbally, (which is probably better for you) Michael offers a single glance that communicates everything he needs to say. Don't ever think that again.

Thomas B. Hewitt:

Thomas’ self esteem issues and self image are not good. He honestly doesn’t like to imagine what he looks like to other people unless it can be as a threatening man you don’t fuck with. Meeting you, he realizes that it’s good to protect his family but he’d rather you not see him as someone only capable of harm. Tries his best to get the point across that while Hoyt may be adamant that horrible things happen to you, he’s not going to let them.

Thomas has received affection but always a familial affection. A pat on the back from Monty, proud claps to his shoulders from uncle Charlie, and hugs and kisses from his dear Mother. Nothing so foreign as a strangers touch over his arm or a soft embrace.

Unfortunately, Thomas can get reactive when you attempt to touch him without his mask on. He’s absolutely settled on the false reality that you’ll see his face and immediately decide that you never want to touch him again. Interacting with you with his bare face? That's a no for Thomas.

He puts on his mask that covers the scarred skin over his face and you look dejected. He was preparing for you to pressure him but instead finds himself trying to find out why you won’t touch him now. It’s not his face, is it? You respond with your reasoning. Thomas is so confused. How could you think that you disgust him? That he doesn’t want you to touch him?

He’s quicker than the others and immediately sweeps you up into his arms and holds you as close as humanly possible. Feeling disgusting and like some sort of burden is a feeling he’s so familiar with and if he can take it away from you, he will.

Will aggressively initiate touch with you for the next week or so just to solidify the fact that he cares about you and won't reject you just as you didn’t reject him.

Bubba Sawyer:

Bubba is a great cuddle buddy and partner. Hugs are his favorite and he hugs his brother all the time, lifting both Nubbins and Chop Top into the air for some brotherly love. If you’re smaller than them he’s all about picking you up and perhaps a little rough housing with you. He’s careful though or at least there are attempts made to be careful

Bubba, though he could easily spend the whole day doing nothing and everything with you, has work. Chores, butchering. Cooking, and tending livestock. Plenty to do at the sawyer house and he does most of it. Suffice to say there are times when you want to lather attention all over him yet he has to go back to work.

So caught up in work that he doesn't get what's going on til way later, when you’ve had time to stew in your emotions, firmly telling yourself that Bubba is annoyed by you probably. He’s baffled and confused at your silence, your crossed arms. The little furrow in your brow. He can already tell there’s something upsetting you.

Honestly, Bubba is so affectionate I can’t see him being the kind of person even capable of alluding to the fact he might be disgusted by you. How, if all he wants to do is love you? You may bring it up as a joke that you thought he didn’t like you and he almost seems offended. Not like you?

Bubba can squash any feelings you may have about that and then some. He will not let you drown in insecurities, not on his watch. This man will do everything in his power to make you feel beautiful because you really are.

I’m sorry these are super long but thanks for requesting!

#slasher x reader #michael myers #michael myers x reader #halloween #rz halloween movie #rz michael myers #rz michael myers x reader #jason voorhees #jason voorhees x reader #friday the 13th #thomas brown hewitt x reader #thomas brown hewitt #thomas hewitt #bubba sawyer x reader #bubba sawyer #leatherface x reader #texas chainsaw massacre #slashers

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jadelotusflower · 3 years ago

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Robin Hood Rewatch: 2x08 Get Carter!

This is actually one of my favourite episodes of the season, partly because I really enjoy relationship angst, but mostly because we get multiple characters dealing with their trauma/grief. If we can't get these guys and gals into therapy, at least we get to see them talk (and hug) it out.

Also the best episode title they're had for a while - I have no doubt one of the writers is a fan, and Carter is so named only because they wanted to make this reference. The assassin seeking revenge for a dead brother is wholesale lifted from the plot of the film, and Joseph Kennedy almost has a passing resemblance to Michael Caine's look in that role.

"Get Carter - before Carter gets you!"

Carter is one of the only guest stars they actually will bring back later, and for good reason.

"Why don't you ever kiss my ring?" Vaisey, always making things creepy.

Marian is simmering with unrestrained anger, eager to get into the fight, while Robin is the one advocating for the watch and see approach, and it’s quite the role reversal.

The gang's reaction to her charging off is quite funny though, she knocks John over completely and Djaq throws her hands in the air.

Robin’s now getting a taste of what the rest of the gang have to put up with dealing with his recklessness.

Tying Marian up in the middle of a melee, however, is disgusting behaviour - while Marian was hot-headed throwing herself into the fight (nothing Robin hasn't done before himself), he knows that she can hold her own with a sword and doesn't need protecting. Tying her hands is the absolute worst thing he could have done, because how is she meant to defend herself? I can somewhat understand where Robin is coming from in this episode (even if he goes about it badly), but this is unjustifiable.

Clearly she gave that guard she clanked on the head amnesia, because he never reports back that Marian was fighting with the gang.

“I owe you my life”/“I won’t take it just yet.” Nice.

Scimitar is still missing in action.

Robin doesn’t want Marian to be seen in case she needs to return to the castle, when he’s spent the whole season urging for her to join the gang. I think he realises he made a mistake asking her to flee last episode without giving her time to deal with her grief, and wants to leave her options open. But telling her that she’s not ready to make the decision (about whatever she wants to go back), however correct, is patronising.

There's a fundamental conflict that Marian wants to be treated like a member of the gang, but doesn't want to cede to Robin's authority like the rest of the gang - in turn Robin expects her to follow his orders like the others, but isn't treating her like he would the others either - he would never tie them up to keep them out of a fight, and Marian has every right to pissed at him about it.

Djaq and Much having a little tête-à-tête about Carter - I just really enjoy that they’re often paired together in these gang scenes, they balance/play off each other so well. Just this pure platonic frazzled vs calm vibe.

Much just has this really great memory for faces - he was able to recognise fake Richard last season just from his profile despite wearing a helmet, and now he knows he remembers Carter's face from somewhere (or as it will turn out, Carter's brother).

Much really just does not let up, and I love that about him. "You'll be disappointed though, with uh, today's wound. I mean if you're planning to go back to the Holy Land and, uh, kill him." That not so subtle probing for information and Sam Troughton's delivery is always perfect.

"Wasn't me, was it?" Oh Much, so close.

“The crusty one” - lol

It's not explicit, but implied that Vaisey and Guy believe Edward was the one passing information to Robin, and Marian is cleared of any suspicion (paving the way for her return). Guess Guy never showed the Sheriff that hair dagger after all.

Vaisey is actually giving Guy some really good advice here, albeit laced with his usual cruelty and getting all up in Guy's personal space.

"Grow up Gisborne" - now I don't think it's deliberate on Vaisey's part to invoke a Marian parlance, seeing as she really only says this to Robin (and once to Much), but it's a nice little callback, however unintentional.

Marian asks for an apology (and deserves one), but Robin doubles down and doesn't come out of this exchange well.

Because his delivery is terrible, but he's otherwise quite correct - as skilled as Marian is, she’s used to relying on (and having to worry about) only herself and not work in a team, and look to a single point of command. But both of them have their backs up - they're two strong personalities and neither is going to give ground, reverting to the ideological clashes of season 1, except now in much closer quarters.

Robin's also not used to being challenged in this particular way, and in his frustration is reacting like a captain disciplining a soldier, not a lover helping their partner through their grief. I do wonder if the conversation would have gone differently if they'd been alone.

lol at the gang awkwardly standing around listening to Robin and Marian fight. Djaq trying to busy herself with her mortar and pestle as Robin and Marian argue around her.

A really great scene between Marian and John aka the camp dad. Marian really just needs someone to listen to her and appreciate what she's going through - Robin is too fixated on the dangerous way she's channeling her grief and not even trying to address the root cause. He trying to tell her what to do, not listen to what she actually needs.

On the other hand it's probably better coming from John, a neutral party without the emotional baggage she has with Robin.

Because Robin and Marian are really being driven by completely different motives - Marian by grief and therefore loss, and Robin by trauma and therefore fear. In her sorrow, Marian has lost all her fear of being discovered, in fact she wants to make it know she's with the gang, to finally be free to say which side she's on and fight openly, to make her father's death worthwhile, and can't understand why Robin is trying to stifle that.

"I thought you used to have your own men Little John?" So someone remembers Forrest and Hanton!

After Carter takes down the gang one by one, Robin takes down Carter in three seconds (including catching the long dagger Carter throws at him, and flinging it back) and it's lights out. Can you believe it's the first concussion of the season? (Notwithstanding the multiple head injuries Allan sustained last episode).

While Marian has been known to be punch-happy, the "he'll tell us more if he knows we're willing to hurt him" is just so (intentionally) out of character - it is however somewhat reminiscent of Robin in 1x08, wanting to get his punch and torture on with Guy. However rather than understanding where Marian is coming from, he pushes her away with the "go and cook something" jibe. This almost feels like he was going for familiar banter and miscued, but is also an asshole thing to say. When their positions were reversed in 1x08 Marian at least tried to reason with him - Robin is seems to be ill-equipped to do the same.

Allan just having a little snooze against the castle wall. He really seems defeated and depressed after last episode.

Marian's corset has a pouch to hold a dagger - or at least I hope there is because otherwise it's ouch time.

Leaving Marian at the camp is again a mistake on Robin's part - it excludes and isolates her from the gang, rather than trying to involve her so she can bond with them, engaging in their outreach to the peasants - who she helped as the Nightwatchman, but never really had the opportunity to come to know. It would remind her that they are not just fighting against the Sheriff but for the people, which in her frenzied grief she has perhaps lost sight of.

Instead, Robin's focus is on Carter, who he rather identifies with and so finds it easier to address his motives, and try and change them.

Carter is in many ways Robin’s dark mirror, what he could have become in the Holy Land if he chose a different path. It’s important that this happens right when Robin is backsliding - he’s trying to save his own soul as much as Carter’s.

Okay, let's talk about Marian’s forest gear - fashioned from the outfit she wore when she fled the castle the previous episode - but dear me it's awful. The grey culottes, rather than becoming trousers have now been turned into that corset, and her vest/skirt overlay have now become those trousers. Just baffling.

“I’m good with nuns” followed by Allan straight up knocking the Mother Superior over and stealing her ring is iconic.

Much gives Robin a sword to use going after Carter - still no scimitar.

I really love the confrontation/fight scene between Robin and Carter - it's very well choreographed and written, but we also see the best of Robin's character (after seeing some of the worst earlier).

Carter's brother is called Thomas - Allan's brother was called Tom. Lots of dead brothers in this show (including Djaq's).

The story of Carter's brother Thomas dying because he "stopped listening" and led a raid against orders is a little on the nose, but gives context to Robin’s fear for Marian’s safety in part triggered by his war trauma - someone charging in against orders and then dying in his arms.

But it shows Robin as a man who, even when Thomas' recklessness had cost not only his own life but others of Robin's men, was still moved to instruct the stretcher-bearers to make Thomas the hero, and himself the negligent captain, in order to comfort his family.

The fight is fairly even, and although Robin gets the upper hand in the end, it's only partly his skill - rather his true strength is in reaching the man inside the assassin, and then surrender and allow Carter to take his revenge if that's what he wants, and despite his fear, trust that there is good still in him, and that he can leave behind the life as a killer as Robin has done (tried to do).

This scene is the core of why I really love Robin as a character. He's riddled with PTSD and a reckless bravado, he's at time emotionally stunted with those he loves, makes terrible mistakes and often says the wrong thing, but he also has this great heart and compassion that allows him to reach people, to understand and help them, even at the risk of his own life. He's trying.

"He was a hero - just not on that day" is quite a poignant line.

Much and Djaq together again, just saying.

Robin finally finds out that Roger of Stoke was intercepted. I had assumed he'd figured that out once he knew Allan was a traitor but okay.

Poor Much crying out for Robin's attention - he's got his own trauma from the war and wants to talk about it, to commiserate with Robin about what they went though, but Robin can only cope by not talking about it, not even thinking about it.

Much makes a good point that Robin should have listened to him about recognising Carter, but it comes across as jealously over Marian and Robin misses just how deeply Much carries his hurt.

One of Robin's biggest flaws is that he's overwhelming in his affection, compassion, and understanding for strangers, but takes those he loves for granted - Carter's response to grief was the same as Marian's, but Robin listened to Carter, consoled and comforted him, while keeping Marian at arm's length. Perhaps because strangers don't ask for anything beyond that - it is the granting of kindness, but not the sharing of self. It's the latter Robin truly fears, but what Much and Marian deserve (although tbf Marian has problems with this as well).

“Either I’m part of your gang or I’m not” is a valid point, and Robin's still not happy even when she agrees to stay behind!

But she disobeys him, and saves his life. It's a rite of passage - almost all of the members of the gang have this.

Allan looking rather distressed as Guy is about the chop off Robin's head, and he makes a small movement just before the swing (as does Much).

Guy again pushing Marian past the point of discomfort - she left, wrote him a letter asking him to leave her alone, straight up told him to his face to leave her alone, and still he persists.

Her kissing Guy (to distract him from seeing Much and Will) is really the only time she sends mixed signals, but Guy's whole energy seems to be just to wear her down until she agrees to be with him and it's gross. It is however kind of amusing that he tries to be authoritative and forbid her from leaving, and she immediately walks away.

Robin and Marian are back in playful banter mode, although I wish there had been a deeper discussion (and that Robin had apologised in return). It doesn't quite feel like the conflict between them has been resolved, it really is just a "truce".

But I do like that it's Marian who reaches out to Robin at the end of this episode, because up until this point it's Robin who has been (somewhat) the one making overtures - asking her to join the gang, telling her he needs her, telling her he loves her, while Marian's been more reserved. This feels like her acknowledging that sometimes she needs to take the first step.

This was a long one - but as a I said, I really love this episode!

#robin hood bbc #robin hood rewatch #rewatch #2x08 #get carter!#long post #lots of rambling here sorry

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butterflyinthewell · 5 years ago

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Parents often report that learning their child is autistic was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to them. Non-autistic people see autism as a great tragedy, and parents experience continuing disappointment and grief at all stages of the child's and family's life cycle.

But this grief does not stem from the child's autism in itself. It is grief over the loss of the normal child the parents had hoped and expected to have. Parents' attitudes and expectations, and the discrepancies between what parents expect of children at a particular age and their own child's actual development, cause more stress and anguish than the practical complexities of life with an autistic person.

Some amount of grief is natural as parents adjust to the fact that an event and a relationship they've been looking forward to isn't going to materialize. But this grief over a fantasized normal child needs to be separated from the parents' perceptions of the child they do have: the autistic child who needs the support of adult caretakers and who can form very meaningful relationships with those caretakers if given the opportunity. Continuing focus on the child's autism as a source of grief is damaging for both the parents and the child, and precludes the development of an accepting and authentic relationship between them. For their own sake and for the sake of their children, I urge parents to make radical changes in their perceptions of what autism means.

I invite you to look at our autism, and look at your grief, from our perspective:

Autism is not an appendage

Autism isn't something a person has, or a "shell" that a person is trapped inside. There's no normal child hidden behind the autism. Autism is a way of being. It is pervasive; it colors every experience, every sensation, perception, thought, emotion, and encounter, every aspect of existence. It is not possible to separate the autism from the person--and if it were possible, the person you'd have left would not be the same person you started with.

This is important, so take a moment to consider it: Autism is a way of being. It is not possible to separate the person from the autism.

Therefore, when parents say,

I wish my child did not have autism,

what they're really saying is,

I wish the autistic child I have did not exist, and I had a different (non-autistic) child instead.

Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence. This is what we hear when you pray for a cure. This is what we know, when you tell us of your fondest hopes and dreams for us: that your greatest wish is that one day we will cease to be, and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces.

Autism is not an impenetrable wall

You try to relate to your autistic child, and the child doesn't respond. He doesn't see you; you can't reach her; there's no getting through. That's the hardest thing to deal with, isn't it? The only thing is, it isn't true.

Look at it again: You try to relate as parent to child, using your own understanding of normal children, your own feelings about parenthood, your own experiences and intuitions about relationships. And the child doesn't respond in any way you can recognize as being part of that system.

That does not mean the child is incapable of relating at all. It only means you're assuming a shared system, a shared understanding of signals and meanings, that the child in fact does not share. It's as if you tried to have an intimate conversation with someone who has no comprehension of your language. Of course the person won't understand what you're talking about, won't respond in the way you expect, and may well find the whole interaction confusing and unpleasant.

It takes more work to communicate with someone whose native language isn't the same as yours. And autism goes deeper than language and culture; autistic people are "foreigners" in any society. You're going to have to give up your assumptions about shared meanings. You're going to have to learn to back up to levels more basic than you've probably thought about before, to translate, and to check to make sure your translations are understood. You're going to have to give up the certainty that comes of being on your own familiar territory, of knowing you're in charge, and let your child teach you a little of her language, guide you a little way into his world.

And the outcome, if you succeed, still will not be a normal parent-child relationship. Your autistic child may learn to talk, may attend regular classes in school, may go to college, drive a car, live independently, have a career--but will never relate to you as other children relate to their parents. Or your autistic child may never speak, may graduate from a self-contained special education classroom to a sheltered activity program or a residential facility, may need lifelong full-time care and supervision--but is not completely beyond your reach. The ways we relate are different. Push for the things your expectations tell you are normal, and you'll find frustration, disappointment, resentment, maybe even rage and hatred. Approach respectfully, without preconceptions, and with openness to learning new things, and you'll find a world you could never have imagined.

Yes, that takes more work than relating to a non-autistic person. But it can be done--unless non-autistic people are far more limited than we are in their capacity to relate. We spend our entire lives doing it. Each of us who does learn to talk to you, each of us who manages to function at all in your society, each of us who manages to reach out and make a connection with you, is operating in alien territory, making contact with alien beings. We spend our entire lives doing this. And then you tell us that we can't relate.

Autism is not death

Granted, autism isn't what most parents expect or look forward to when they anticipate the arrival of a child. What they expect is a child who will be like them, who will share their world and relate to them without requiring intensive on-the-job training in alien contact. Even if their child has some disability other than autism, parents expect to be able to relate to that child on the terms that seem normal to them; and in most cases, even allowing for the limitations of various disabilities, it is possible to form the kind of bond the parents had been looking forward to.

But not when the child is autistic. Much of the grieving parents do is over the non-occurrence of the expected relationship with an expected normal child. This grief is very real, and it needs to be expected and worked through so people can get on with their lives-- but it has nothing to do with autism.

What it comes down to is that you expected something that was tremendously important to you, and you looked forward to it with great joy and excitement, and maybe for a while you thought you actually had it--and then, perhaps gradually, perhaps abruptly, you had to recognize that the thing you looked forward to hasn't happened. It isn't going to happen. No matter how many other, normal children you have, nothing will change the fact that this time, the child you waited and hoped and planned and dreamed for didn't arrive.

This is the same thing that parents experience when a child is stillborn, or when they have their baby to hold for a short time, only to have it die in infancy. It isn't about autism, it's about shattered expectations. I suggest that the best place to address these issues is not in organizations devoted to autism, but in parental bereavement counseling and support groups. In those settings parents learn to come to terms with their loss--not to forget about it, but to let it be in the past, where the grief doesn't hit them in the face every waking moment of their lives. They learn to accept that their child is gone, forever, and won't be coming back. Most importantly, they learn not to take out their grief for the lost child on their surviving children. This is of critical importance when one of those surviving children arrived at t time the child being mourned for died.

You didn't lose a child to autism. You lost a child because the child you waited for never came into existence. That isn't the fault of the autistic child who does exist, and it shouldn't be our burden. We need and deserve families who can see us and value us for ourselves, not families whose vision of us is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams. But don't mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we're here waiting for you.

This is what I think autism societies should be about: not mourning for what never was, but exploration of what is. We need you. We need your help and your understanding. Your world is not very open to us, and we won't make it without your strong support. Yes, there is tragedy that comes with autism: not because of what we are, but because of the things that happen to us. Be sad about that, if you want to be sad about something. Better than being sad about it, though, get mad about it--and then do something about it. The tragedy is not that we're here, but that your world has no place for us to be. How can it be otherwise, as long as our own parents are still grieving over having brought us into the world?

Take a look at your autistic child sometime, and take a moment to tell yourself who that child is not. Think to yourself: "This is not my child that I expected and planned for. This is not the child I waited for through all those months of pregnancy and all those hours of labor. This is not the child I made all those plans to share all those experiences with. That child never came. This is not that child." Then go do whatever grieving you have to do--away from the autistic child--and start learning to let go.

After you've started that letting go, come back and look at your autistic child again, and say to yourself: "This is not my child that I expected and planned for. This is an alien child who landed in my life by accident. I don't know who this child is or what it will become. But I know it's a child, stranded in an alien world, without parents of its own kind to care for it. It needs someone to care for it, to teach it, to interpret and to advocate for it. And because this alien child happened to drop into my life, that job is mine if I want it."

If that prospect excites you, then come join us, in strength and determination, in hope and in joy. The adventure of a lifetime is ahead of you.

—Jim Sinclair (Website: Autreat)

#AutismSpeaks #LIUB #LightItUpBlue #AutismAwareness #REDInstead #ScrewBlue #BoycottAutismSpeaks #AutismAcceptance #AcceptanceNOTAwareness #AreYouAwareOfMeNow #LoveNotFear #AllAutistics #ActuallyAutistic April 2, 10pm

#boycottautismspeaks #autismspeaks #autism speaks #AreYouAwareOfMeNow #lightitupblue #autismawareness #autism #redinstead #autism acceptance #actuallyautistic #Autistic people are speaking #it's time to listen

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scripttorture · 6 years ago

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I have a character who is taking care of someone who was tortured. In this story they aren't really aware of exactly what happened, but they're seeing hints of it - the person flinching away from them in fright if they move too quick/get too close, getting incredibly emotional/upset even when reassured that they're all right, loss of appetite, nausea, terrified of being left alone, etc. Besides medication, what are some things the person can do to help without knowing specifics of what happened?

Tobe honest I’m not sure that knowing the specifics is as helpful aswe tend to assume it is. It probably helps a caregiver to processwhat they’re seeing, it might give an illusion of control but thecommon psychological symptoms are generally the same regardless ofwhat torture technique was used and the treatment is also pretty muchthe same.

Unlessthere are physical injuries or conditions that need to bespecifically addressed I don’t think a detailed account of whathappened is necessary to help. In the same way that you don’t needto know what someone was stabbed with in order to hold a towel overthe wound.

Psychologicalsymptoms themselves can’t prove torture or even trauma. You’reright that the helping character might get an idea of what happenedfrom the survivor’s symptoms and how they respond. But- some of thethings you’ve listed are things Idoand I’ve never been tortured or traumatised.

Iguess I feel like it’s important to stress that because we canprove pretty conclusively that someone is mentally ill and hassymptoms consistent with trauma. But that isn’t proof of trauma.

Asfor what someone can do to help- There are a lot of everyday thingspeople can do to support someone. All of what follows comes with thecaveat that I am not a mental health professional, this is intendedfor fiction and this is not intended to help you depict a mentalhealth professional.

Ithink the most important thing is probably listening to what thetraumatised character says and not dismissing it. If they’vedeveloped an irrational fear of the kettle then telling them it’sirrational isn’t going to help but finding an alternate way ofgetting hot water or making their tea for them might.

Talkingand communication is important but it’s often really difficult. Iuh- obviously don’t know if you’ve got any experience talking tosomeone who is severely depressive and/or suicidal but it can feel abit circular. It can be difficult to get them engaged in theconversation. Often everything on their side comes back to how awfulthey’re feeling.

Thiscan create a real feeling of helplessness in care givers/friends.They feel like they ‘should’ be able to get rid of this mood. Tocheer them up or ‘snap them out of it’. And usually it doesn’twork like that.

Thingslike anxiety of hypervigilance can similarly impact on relationships.Friends might find it difficult that the survivor character isflinching from them ordoesn’t want to be touched by them.Because they’re a friend not a threat, and doesn’t the survivorknow that? Unfortunately it’s pretty common for someone tologically know that and have a response due to their mental illnessanyway. No amount of logic or talking will make this response vanishquickly.

It’simportant for the character to be patient and not get frustrated oroverwhelmed by the fact they can’t magically get through to thevictim.

It’salso important that the care givers knows to take some time tothemselves. Otherwise they’re likely to get overwhelmed, burn outor start to resent the victim for their ‘inability’ to just getbetter.

Everydaypractical things like doing the laundry or cooking dinner are alsoincredibly important. It’s pretty common for trauma survivors tofeel unable to cope with a lot of small everyday tasks. That’s partand parcel of a lot of the mental illnesses torture causes.

Makingsure someone has had a hot meal when the prospect of cooking seemsdaunting is a huge help.

It’simportant that the supporting character doesn’t try to force orpressure the survivor into telling them what happened. Doing so canmake them relive the experience, trigger their mental health problemsand damage their relationship with the supporting character.

There’salso a host of small things a character can do to help with specificproblems the survivor is experiencing.

I’mcribbing this example from Scripttraumasurvivor-

Saythe survivor struggles to get out of bed at all (common withdepressive symptoms). The supporting character might come in at areasonable time in the morning and open the curtains, lay out someclothes and cleaning paraphernalia. They might ask the character toplease get up before leaving them to space and time to do so.

If/whenthe character gets up they might then encourage them to move out ofthe bedroom and perhaps even outside. They might also talk to thesurvivor in ways that are...trying to focus on the fact they’re notalone.

Noticeall the small actions in that passage that encourage the character toget up and make things easier or less overwhelming. The clothes arealready laid out. The room is lighter (but not artificially so),encouraging them to wake up. They’re given the time and space toact on their own, which would hopefully reduce the sense of shamethey probably feel for not being able to do these things as easilyany more.

It’sabout carrying on with those sorts of small acts for...everything.Understanding that some days they won’tbe able to get out of bed and responding to that with care andcompassion. ‘OK you can’t get up, how about sitting up? Can youdo that? Can I get you some pillows? Do you want me to bring youbreakfast?’

Forloss of appetite and nausea specifically- well I’ve suffered fromboth for prolonged periods and the two main things I can remember are1) always keep a bucket to hand and 2) finding out what’s easy toeat by trial and error.

Differentpeople (and characters) will find different things easy to eat. Soupmight be good for some people. Certain textures or flavours might bea bad idea. Things that are difficult to chew are probably out.I….basically lived off rice and lentils for a couple of months.Sometimes with onions. I think that worked for me personally becauseit was food I’d grown up on, as well as being easy to chew andswallow and without strong flavours.

Smallerportions may also help. I knew I felt incredibly guilty for beingunable to finish a plate of food, even if I knew finishing it wouldresult in being sick. Giving the survivor (or encouraging them tomake) lots of smaller portions is potentially an answer to that.

Progresshappens but it is slow and for both the survivor and the supportingcharacter it’s going to be partly about remembering overallprogress instead of focusing on bad days. There will be bad days andthere will be set backs. There’ll be times the coping skillsthey’re used to don’t work so well.

It’slittle things and little steps. For the supporting character it canbe incredibly intense and stressful experience, it canmean...essentially becoming a carer for a while. It’s difficultwork, necessary but difficult.

Ithink you’ll also find Scripttraumasurvivor’s recovery taghelpful. There’s a lot more advice there about hands on actionsyour character could take, ways of approaching conversations and whatthe experience of recovery feels like from both sides.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

#tw torture #writing victims #effects of torture #recovery #mental health #depression #anxiety #Anonymous

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dontreadthistrashgarbage · 5 years ago

Text

G O T 7 PT.8

Guerin had found a dog friendly bar and currently sat on the patio with Eneoji sipping at a beer as she waited for JB. Guerin had opted for an oversized black shirt with mesh shoulders and lime green biker shorts. A black lipstick perhaps gave her more of a dark energy than she usually managed to exude. She was leaned back, one leg tucked up under her as she listened to music through headphones with her eyes closed, petting her dog with her free hand. She felt her fluffy companion shift and stand suddenly, prompting Guerin to look up. JB had entered the patio area, raising his hand in greeting as their eyes met. She smiled, sitting up more and taking her headphones out.

"I took the liberty of getting started." She said half apologetically as she gestured at the table. His dark gray button up shirt was half tucked into beige slacks and per usual he seemed to have missed more buttons than necessary. She briefly wondered if she could ever get used to being in the presence of people like him and Jackson, they seemed to always suck the air out of the area.

"Sorry I'm late." He said, sitting in the chair next to her and Eneoji.

"Next round is on you." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Alright alright." He said, pouring them each shots of soju, handing her one. After their shot he refilled again and cracked his own beer, lounging back into his own chair, "I talked to BamBam about the rest of the video. We don't need more shots of Mihi but he'd like to get more film of us if you'd be okay with that."

Guerin inhaled and nodded. She wasn't thrilled about being on camera again but she had already committed this far. It would seem a shame to back out now. "Short of me falling into the river and drowning it's unlikely to end as poorly as last time." She laughed at he lame attempt of a joke.

"Sorry..." JB said awkwardly, unsure of how to react.

"It's fine. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just been a weird day." She shook her head and focused her attention on Eneoji who leaned into her mom's chair for more attention.

"Ah..." JB started to say something else but he was interrupted by Guerin's phone ringing. Jackson was finally done with his schedule for the day and called as he had promised.

"Sorry JB, can you give me a minute?" She told Eneoji to stay and answered her phone, walking to the far end of the patio that was fortunately mostly empty, "Hi Jackson." She said, making an effort to sound more upbeat than she felt.

"Guerin, I'm so sorry it's late. Are you okay?" Jacksons voice and his obvious concern made her smile. He managed to give her some energy even speaking over the phone.

"I'm fine. I already told you. It's not a big deal." She reassured him.

"She really is just a friend. She works for my label and we see each other a lot." He explained further.

"Jackson, I believe you. It was just a hug. You're allowed to hug people." She smiled and turned, leaning against the railing. JB had been looking over at her and the two made eye contact. She grinned, pointing at her phone and rolling her eyes. He nodded, looking a bit uncomfortable and took a sip of his beer as he looked away. Guerin was under no false pretense that he couldn't hear her side of the conversation but he must have felt a bit like he was eavesdropping.

"I shouldn't though, I just told you how I felt. I should be more reserved." He argued. Guerin frowned.

"That's silly. Platonic affection is fine between friends. I hug my friends too. This really is being blown out of proportion." She frowned, her momentary energy boost was ebbing away.

"Really? Who are you hugging?" Jackson asked. He seemed to be making an effort to not sound like he cared a lot but Guerin furrowed her brow at the question.

"My friends." She repeated, "Jackson I'm sorry to cut this short but I'm out with Eneoji and JB right now so I can't talk long. I just wanted to let you know it's fine." She started to head back to her seat.

"Wait, you're out with JB? Just the two of you?" Jackson sounded worried.

"No, Eneoji is with us too. And I dont think you're in a position to be upset by that." She said, suddenly annoyed with his double standard as she sank into her chair.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm having to apologize a lot today. Tell JB I said hi." Jackson corrected himself readily.

"Thank you Jackson. And I'll let him know. Have a good night." She felt a bit guilty for her comment but chose not to address it just yet and hung up after Jackson's farewell. "Sorry JB. Jackson says hi." She took a shot of soju not waiting for him. He leaned forward and automatically refilled it for her, holding up his so they could do the next one together.

"Sounds like that article did cause some problems." He mentioned it for the first time this night. Guerin had wondered if he was aware of everything. She shook her head, closing her eyes and furrowing her brow.

"Honestly it's not even the stupid hug that's the problem." She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"We don't have to talk about it." JB shrugged.

"That would be nice actually." Guerin was grateful. She had hoped the phone call would clear things up but instead she felt tired and conflicted.

"What were you listening to when I got here?" JB asked, ready with a new topic as though it had been planned. Guerin smiled in appreciation.

"HEET. I really do love their music. I'm so grateful I can work so closely with a group I can be a fan of." She gushed excitedly.

"Byoungjin worked really hard composing songs when I knew him." JB nodded with a smile.

"He and Tobio work together well. Both he and Minhwan had good things to say about you." JB's eyes flicked up to hers, "Well, all of you really. But he said you especially taught him a lot about music composition." She shrugged and broke eye contact, taking a sip of her drink.

"I should treat them to a meal sometime." JB said trying to disguise the act of fondness as something cool.

"You are so soft." She giggled into her beer.

"Soft? What does that mean?" JB raised his eyebrows, eyes widening slightly.

"It means despite you trying to be so cool all the time you're actually a cutie baby." She teased him.

His mouth dropped open as he feigned offense, "Ya." He started to protest through Guerins laughter. Their conversation stayed light for another beer and two bottles of soju. Guerin suggested they take Eneoji home and continue drinking from the garden on her rooftop. They stocked up on some drinks from the convenience store, and Guerin grabbed her bluetooth speaker from her apartment along with a blanket and two throw pillows. She and JB set up with their samoyed companion who was allowed free roam of the space.

"Are these your plants?" JB asked curiously at the odd mix of botanicals in pots and planters.

"No, I'm not good with plants besides the couple in my apartment. But everyone here adds their own and we all get to appreciate it." Guerin said, selecting a playlist and quietly starting music as JB poured each of them a somaek. Despite the duration they had been drinking Guerin was starting to teeter from tipsy to drunk, so she sipped this new drink more slowly. The two sat quietly enjoying the night and music, talking at random intervals but neither feeling pressured to keep a conversation going. Suddenly Jackson's song "Bullet to the Heart" came on and without speaking the tone changed.

"You know." Guerin said suddenly after the first verse, "The article and the hug really didn't bother me."

JB nodded slowly but didn't say anything as he waited to see if she wanted to continue.

"But I've been in such a weird mood all day. I've just been kind of tired and more irritable than usual. I couldn't figure out why. But I think it's just that I had to -deal- with it. I had to hear about it over and over again and keep assuring the same people over and over again that I was fine." She sighed, running her hands through her hair.

"I know everyone means well and they care but it also makes me feel strange for being unbothered. Like I have to justify to people why I'm okay with it." She stared at her somaek, avoiding eye contact with JB.

He waited a few moments before speaking, "A lot of times people say they're fine when they aren't." He saw her start to protest but held up his hand, "Not that you aren't! But that happens. You have a legitimate reason to be upset and if you aren't people might think you are just trying to avoid the problem." JB shrugged.

"A legitimate reason to be upset? It's a hug." She protested.

"A hug between a man and a woman." JB added in.

She scoffed and said in English, "So heteronormative." He raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head, "I don't know the korean phrase. It just references the ridiculous idea that relationships between opposite sexes are the norm and dismisses same sex or other types of relationships." She shrugged.

He nodded but seemed at a loss, "Okay..."

"Later. It's a big topic." She shook her head feeling a pang of disappointment.

"All I mean is that in Korea it's normal for someone to be upset by a hug with someone else." JB picked his words carefully.

"Would you?" Guerin asked suddenly.

"Ah..." he struggled, "I think I would be..." he answered honestly. Guerin chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully, another pang of disappointment silencing her. They sat like that for a few moments before he spoke again.

"But I could work on it." He added with a thoughtful nod, "I've worked on a lot of things. I don't see why it couldn't be one more."

Guerin let a small smile escape. Maybe he was just paying lip service but in that moment she appreciated it. Throwing caution to the wind she downed her drink, deciding that was quite enough serious talk.

"Hey. This topic sucks." She said bluntly, "Let's do something else."

JB laughed, killed his drink off too and went along with her clunky subject change. They played games until they finished off the booze and decided to head downstairs. Eneoji perked up as they folded up the blankets and grabbed pillows.

Coming into her apartment she kicked off her shoes, "I'm hungry. You want some ramyeon?" She asked.

He did a double take and poorly hid an immature laugh.

"Stooooop." She laughed, hitting him playfully in the shoulder, "You're such a kid."

"Ya, I'm not a kid, I'm a man." He protested, turning to face her. JB knew how to turn on the sexy act which he utilized in full force, meeting her gaze with hooded eyes and biting his lip with a smirk.

She was speechless for a moment as it very obviously worked, her alcohol addled brain not allowing her the reaction time she needed to recover. She blinked furiously and licked her lips subconsciously, causing his gaze to flick down to her mouth. His expression became suddenly less playful as he stepped closer to her. She panicked, putting a hand on the center of his chest as her breath hitched in her throat.

"Y-you keep missing these buttons." She stammered, lifting her other hand and shakily doing up a couple more buttons on his shirt. He didn't move as she worked, watching her face and his playful smirk came back. She didn't make eye contact with him again, positive she wouldn't survive, "Only kids don't know how to button their shirts." She muttered in an unconvincing attempt to be playful again. She pulled away and headed into the kitchen, JB allowing some distance before a big grin spread across his face and he stuck his tongue out excitedly, winking at Eneoji who watched them, unimpressed, from the couch.

Charlie sleepily blinked her eyes open before sitting up blearily and looking around. It took her a moment to remember where she was until her eyes landed on her boyfriend laying next to her, just beginning to shift himself. He didn't seem to be wearing a shirt which she could appreciate even in her half awake state, but after a beat or two she also realized she wasn't wearing anything either. Just as Jinyoung opened his eyes she dropped back down, pulling her covers up over her.

"Mmm no..." he grumbled, his voice low and gravely from sleep. He reached across her body, pulling her against him as he nuzzled into her affectionately.

"No what?" She asked after clearing her throat.

"No hiding." He said simply, placing a kiss to her jawline.

Her urge to escape was diminished as soon as his arms went around her, but evaporated completely as he continued to be sweet and snuggly with her. Instead she turned in his arms to face him, cuddling up close and tangling her legs into his.

"Mmf. Better." He grunted with a self satisfied smirk, kissing her forehead again, "Good morning." Charlie couldn't imagine anything feeling better in that moment than their skin contact in that moment. Well, until she remembered the night prior. A blush crept onto her face and she tried to hide her smile by pressing her lips together tightly. Jinyoung also must have been having similar memories, but his body responded differently from just a blush. He not so subtly cleared his own throat and rolled onto his back, reaching to the nightstand for their phones, handing Charlie hers. She chose to allow him the distraction this time, but only because she remembered she hadn't checked to see Guerin's response.

Charlie was relieved to see her friends initial response, but that quickly turned to amused as hours later the messages had clearly become drunk texting. She giggled and covered her mouth. Jinyoung peered over her shoulder to see what made her laugh.

"Hey, this is private." She chastised him lightly, moving her phone and rolling away slightly.

"Jagiyaaaa." He pouted reaching for her to pull her toward him again, "I just want to see what's making you so happy." He rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Do you think being cute is going to get you what you want?" She teased him, trying to hide that yes, him being cute would get him everything he wanted.

"Maybe." He sulked, then suddenly snatched at her phone. She yelled and pulled it just out of his reach in time, causing the two to wrestle around in the bed playfully. He finally got his hands on her phone but it had timed out and was locked so he couldnt read it.

"Jagiiii." He whined, "What was funny?"

Charlie was distracted, as they had wrestled the blanket had come off them and she was now looking at Jinyoung in his full glory. She tried to regain her composure.

"It was just Guerin... drunk texting." She said sounding very not casual at all. Jinyoung noticed her distraction and feigned being offended, taking the blanket and pulling it across his body.

"Charlie." He scolded her, but she had seen his body begin to betray him again. This time she had other ideas and she sat up, pushing him the rest of the way down, pulling the blanket away and throwing her leg across him so she was straddling him. Jinyoung was legitimately surprised by the bold move, but he recovered quickly, smirking up at his girlfriend.

"I'll take my phone back now." She held out her hand.

He laughed, tucking his hands behind his head, looking up at her. He might be an excellent actor but Charlie could feel him under her and see the expression in his eyes change. "What if I say no?" He said, determined to keep up his act.

She moved her hips against him, causing him to break character as he blinked rapidly and bit his lip to keep from gasping. Now it was Charlie's turn to smirk. "I can be convincing."

Jinyoung licked his lips before he acted quickly. Holding her hips in place he sat up, shifting to keep her in his lap, he leaned forward and nipped at her neck, "Do your worst." He challenged her, hands holding her in place as he bucked up against her.

In their power play her phone lay lost and forgotten amidst the sheets as the couple managed to distract themselves.

Jackson came back into town with the same energy as when he left, a party. This time he had rented a private residence and hired caterers and bartenders to take care of his staff and friends. His new album had proven to be successful and his staff had worked hard so he wanted to show his appreciation. In addition he had invited his ex-trainee friends, including Byoungjin and Minhwan of HEET, along with their band members, as well as Guerin and Charlie.

"Hey drunky." Charlie said in English as she sauntered up to her friend by the pool in the backyard with a playful smirk.

"Hey... sex person." Guerin offered back laughing at her own inability to make a witty retort.

"Hey, you can't just assume things!" Charlie protested, looking around to make sure no one else was nearby.

"It was only an assumption until your blush and furtive stares confirmed it." Guerin said taking a sip from her drink.

"Are you seriously already drinking again?" Charlie asked incredulously to change the subject.

"Oh hell no. This is water. I'm still not recovered. I drank way too much last night. This old body doesn't recover like it used to." Guerin sighed. "Sorry about those drunk texts."

"Oh don't be. That was hilarious. I expect more in the future." Charlie laughed. "So did you and JB... did anything happen?"

"No, thank god." Guerin shook her head.

"Why would you be happy about that?" Charlie asked in disbelief.

"I do NOT want my first sexual encounter with JB to be while I'm wasted. That would be so sad." Guerin made the mistake of not picking her words carefully.

"Oh? Your first time? So you want to have multiple rounds?" Charlie's knowing grin looked a bit evil.

"Hey. Come on. I'm hung over, go easy on me." Guerin groaned in protest.

"Okay... but does that mean you're ready to give Jackson an answer?" Charlie asked more seriously. Guerin hesitated then nodded slowly. "Are you going to tell him tonight?"

"I'll have to if he asks. I told him I'd give him an answer when he returned, and I don't want to string him along." Guerin looked forlornly at her water then sighed, "Maybe I do need a drink."

The two were interrupted by the sliding glass door opening and an excited voice calling out, "Noona!" Looking up, Guerin spotted Seungbin of HEET, behind him the rest of the group including their manager Insu had all just arrived and were greeting others at the party.

"Baby boy!" Guerin cried out with a happy grin, holding her arms open. The adolescent boy bounded up to her and they hugged. She lifted the slightly taller boy and spun him around happily before setting him down and releasing him. The rest of HEET had started to follow their maknae out and Guerin introduced them to Charlie.

"I like your hair." Seungbin complimented Charlie with a sweet smile after he bowed in greeting. Charlie had already been smitten with the cute behavior exhibited by the boy so she couldn't help be a little extra moved by his compliment as she thanked him.

"Sorry we're late." Tobio said with his usual straight face.

"We came from practice, but it went a little longer than we thought." Minhwan added.

"Don't be silly, I'm sure everyone will be super stoked to see you!" Guerin waved their apology off. "You must have been working hard, have you eaten?"

"Insu bought us some snacks while we were practicing." Byoungjin said pragmatically.

"Snacks are not dinner." Guerin said reprovingly, "Come on let's get you boys some real food." Her brood followed her inside to the party, Insu falling behind looking concerned.

"She always feeds you so much." He said worried.

"It's okay hyung, it's just one night." Gabriel said with a big grin, patting their manager on the shoulder.

"We're on a break anyway. I'll make the team work it off tomorrow. Just enjoy the party hyung." Minhwan reassured him as they followed after.

JB arrived characteristically late to the party as well but with much less fanfare than a small group like HEET had. He located Jackson first and went up to greet and congratulate his friend. Jackson let out his trademark happy squeal when he saw his hyung and embraced him happily. JB grinned with his friends infectious mood and the two began catching up.

"Ya, punk!" An elevated voice drew their attention. JB and Jackson looked up to see Guerin with icing smeared on her cheek and, presumably the culprit, in a headlock under her arm, "You wanna go for a swim?" She scolded, unable to sound believably angry through her laughter. Charlie, Minhwan and Seungbin were laughing, Tobio had raised his eyebrows in surprise while Byoungjin shook his head disapprovingly and Insu looked worried. Guerin carted the cackling troublemaker outside, giving him a noogie on the way out. The others followed, offering apologies.

Jackson and JB exchanged glances and laughed, Jackson much more enthusiastically.

"She manages to cause trouble wherever she goes." JB commented drily.

Jackson nodded, his smile fading a bit, "Has she answered your confession yet?" He asked suddenly.

JB looked surprised and somewhat uncomfortable, before shaking his head, "You?"

"No. She said she'd tell me when I get back. I'm gonna ask her tonight." He looked serious, "I'm worried. She said she wasn't bothered by that news story but I think she is just saying that. She gets annoyed if I bring it up."

"Don't." JB said simply.

"Don't what?" Jackson asked, confused.

"Don't bring it up. If she tells you she's okay then believe her. Trust her word. If she has something to discuss she'll bring it up." He looked over at Jackson who was watching him with a strange expression, "What?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing. You're right." Jackson said, shaking his head and sounding thoughtful. A sudden splash from outside interrupted them again. Charlie poked her head in as people had moved to the door to see what caused the commotion as more splashing and yelling could be heard.

"Um, are there some towels?" She asked struggling to speak through her laughter.

The rental property had fortunately been stocked with towels and bathrobes. Guerin, Gabriel and Seungbin had all rinsed off, bundled up and were sitting in the master bedroom with their wet clothes drip drying outside. Insu had left to get a change of clothes for the boys while Jinyoung had offered to drive Charlie to get clothes for Guerin.

Guerin was embarrassed, she knew it looked like she had been the one to cause the whole incident by threatening Gabriel when dragging him out. She hadn't actually intended to follow through and had even let him go. Unfortunately the youthful Seungbin got caught up in the comedy of it and snuck up on Gabriel to push him in. Double unfortunately, Gabriel responded by grabbing Seungbin to drag him along. Triple unfortunately Guerin had tried to grab the two of them, but had been off balance, somehow one of them had latched onto her thinking she was the other boy and down she went with them. The next few moments were a blur of laughter, splashing and yelling as she processed what had happened and how it would be perceived. Fortunately for her her phone was in a lifeproof case since she had accepted her life was a series of disasters, and the boys didn't have personal phones yet so there was no lasting damage.

Youngjae's loud laugh still rang in her ears. All she could think of to say was "It wasn't me." As she held up her hands defensively, prompting more laughter from the accommodating types in the crowd. Some had surely looking on in disapproval but there wasn't much she could do about that. She spotted JB and Jackson throwing their heads back and laughing at the sad picture of a shamed dripping grown ass woman and two boys. She couldn't help but laugh too.

Insu arrived after Minhwan had finished scolding the boys despite being one of the people who had laughed the loudest. Guerin had been spared since she was older, and perhaps he was afraid he might get a dose of the pool himself if he tested her.

Seungbin had apologized sincerely, worried about Guerin being upset, but she assured him she wasn't. Gabriel apologized less convincingly considering he still seemed to think the whole interaction had been quite fun, though he hadn't intended it to go that far. Tobio had checked on Guerin a few times to make sure she really was uninjured and not too cold. After their apologies the two boys left to change and everyone left Guerin on her own.

A soft knock sounded at the door. Thinking it was Charlie, Guerin called out, "Come in!"

Instead she saw Jackson poking his head in, covering his eyes with his hand as he said, "It's me!"

She laughed despite a worried pang in her stomach, "Jackson you can come in, I'm covered."

He closed the door behind him, peaked through his fingers, the let out a scandalized gasp seeing her in her robe and covering his face again. He dropped the act as she let out another laugh and threw a throw pillow at him. "Ya, careful getting physical, look what happened last time!" He chastised her.

"It wasn't me!" She protested again indignantly.

"I know, I know." He approached her and she was reminded of just how good looking he really was. She became uncharacteristically aware that she was in fact not wearing anything other the bathrobe and had to resist the urge to adjust it just to be sure. He moved one of the plush chairs closer to her and sat in it, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. He looked nervous but serious and Guerin had a sinking feeling she knew what was coming. She struggled to meet his gaze as he tried to maintain eye contact, "I don't want to pressure you. I was worried there might not be a time to talk one on one. I hoped maybe you had been considering us while I was gone. If not I wanted to say I can wait longer. Things got weird and maybe we can try while spending time together."

The corners of Guerin's lips twitched and she bit her lower lip. The beautiful man in front of her waited as patiently as he could in the few seconds before she found herself responding, "I don't need to think anymore." She said in a choked voice. She took a deep breath and Jackson visibly braced himself. She reached forward and took his hands affectionately, "You're so amazing, I'm happy you're in my life and spending time with you brings me joy. You're one of the kindest, most thoughtful, hard working people I've ever been blessed to know." He seemed to know what was coming and his expression made her choke up again, her eyes stung as they watered and she blinked rapidly to stem the threatening flow, "Ultimately I don't see us working out romantically. The worst part is that it's not a reflection on your character. I just think us together like that would clash. I hate it because I do like you so much Jackson, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I understand if you don't want to see me again, but I hope we can keep being friends if you can forgive me." Her tears began to fall seeing his crushed expression and watering eyes.

He sat for a moment before speaking, his already deep voice slightly more gravelly than usual, "And handsome."

"What?" She asked unable to piece together the context.

"You forgot to mention how handsome I am." He joked.

"Oh, stupid me." She put a hand to her head and rolled her teary eyes. "Super handsome. Ridiculously handsome. So handsome it should be illegal really." They both laughed through their pain and awkward encounter. She wanted to offer him a hug but wasn't sure if it was the right time.

A knock at the door halted further action and they let go of each others hands. Guerin wiped her face on the sleeves of her robe quickly before she answered, "Come in!" She said as Jackson stood and turned to the doorway.

Charlie poked her head in, not reacting as her eyes flicked to Jackson and then back to Guerin, before holding up a bag, "Some clothes!"

Guerin stood and walked over, "Thanks so much Charlie. Will you let Jinyoung know I said thanks as well?" Charlie nodded and dutifully disappeared from the doorway.

"I'll let you change." Jackson said, raising his hand in a small wave as he disappeared through the door. He didn't seem angry, but he did seem eager to part ways. She understood, and was partially relieved by the abrupt end herself. She focused instead on getting dressed and pulled the clothes out that Charlie had grabbed.

"Oh goddammit. I thanked that bitch too soon." She half groaned half laughed at the chosen ensemble.

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It

If the Brooklyn Nets have been known for anything over the past few years, it's the trade. The 2013 deal sending three unprotected draft picks and one pick-swap to Boston for Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce has become a cruel joke, a cautionary tale, and a recurring nightmare whose effect on the franchise has been profound and lasting.

It's a sensitive subject.

"We've never addressed it," said Nets head coach Kenny Atkinson before his team took on the Lakers in Los Angeles last week. (Atkinson and general manager Sean Marks were hired in 2016.) "Sean and I don't talk about it...Really, no one in the organization—from the secretary down to the coach—we don't talk about it."

They might as well not, even if it is the reason the Nets are presently comprised of three salary cap scourges, five G-League flyers, and a few quarters that Marks found in owner Mikhail Prokhorov’s couch. Atkinson is so absorbed in coaching this collection of castaways that his brow seems to have furrowed permanently, and the players, hell-bent on proving they belong, have emerged as a young, fun, and feverish outfit that is running opponents ragged. These Nets are playing valiant, if futile basketball. They have nothing to lose.

In the locker room, Caris Levert is lacing up his standard-issue Kyries before he hits the court. He doesn’t care about the trade—he didn’t even realize he was (sort of) part of the return. In 2015, the Nets flipped Garnett for Thaddeus Young; the following year they shipped Young to Indiana for LeVert's draft rights. “I just knew I was traded for Thaddeus,” LeVert said.

The slender second-year shooting guard is a league-pass aficionado's delight: obscure, as raw as he is lanky, and dripping with style. He doesn't so much attack the basket as burrow his way there, surfacing at the rim to lay in the ball or dish it at some bizarre angle. LeVert had foot issues throughout college, the main reason he fell out of the lottery in the 2016 draft. But everyone on this team has some reason they got picked too low, LeVert just puts his head down, and gets where he’s trying to go.

In that respect, he’s like the rest of this team, a group that embodies every sports cliche about determination but without being insufferable. That Brooklyn is near the top of the NBA in free-throw rate only begins to convey the group’s relentlessness. They are overachievers by definition. The only lottery pick on the roster is D’Angelo Russell; most of the players are ex-G-Leaguers. (That includes the team’s highest-paid player, Allen Crabbe, and Lin, its most recognizable.) Some of the Nets player bios read like the narrative arc of a bad commencement speech: Sean Kilpatrick, a shifty scoring guard, was cut by four different NBA teams before the Nets plucked him from the G-League last year. "We all got chips on our shoulders," Kilpatrick said. "That's why we're all here.”

There is no advanced stat to measure high-five rate, but anecdotal evidence points to the Nets as the touchy-feeliest team in the NBA. Even against the Lakers, in a game they never lead, they are all over each other, greeting each other at timeouts, dashing over to peel a teammate off the floor, high-fiving excessively.

“It’s because we like each other a lot,” Kilpatrick said. “We hang out together, which makes things a lot easier for us on the court. It makes it a lot more genuine.

“It all goes to the fact that we play for one another. It doesn't matter what the score is—it doesn't affect how we look at each other. We always want to make sure that we know that we have each other's back, and I think that's the best part of our team.”

A quick heat check: the Nets, while perhaps not headed for last place in the East—that will be Atlanta, or Chicago, or at this rate maybe Cleveland!—will still be pretty bad this season. They hemorrhage points no matter who’s on the court. They hoist up bad shots, and they aren’t particularly accurate, either.

But Atkinson’s gunners are still making teams bleed. The Nets are second in the league in scoring, playing at the fastest pace. You can’t play them hung over. “Everybody needs to stop looking at them like the 15th team in the East,” Orlando Magic coach Frank Vogel said recently. “They're a much-improved team, and they're hard to guard."

To watch the Nets is to watch the messy, earnest pursuit of growth. Russell, masquerading as a grayscale James Harden, has rediscovered some of the creativity that had stunted under Luke Walton. Rondae Hollis-Jefferson is blossoming into a proper two-way player while wearing what appears to be Nike brand chubbies. Timofey Mozgov is shooting threes now. Trevor Booker continues to do Trevor Booker things.

And then there’s Jarrett Allen, the rookie big man who’s hurt right now. Allen is simultaneously nineteen years old and seven feet tall, and about as diffident as they come in the NBA. But he is fearsome around the rim at both ends, showing promise as the team's center of the future. Between LeVert's stop-and-go drives and Allen's honest-to-goodness (also good-as-hell) afro, Brooklyn's future might look a lot like an ABA-era Nets revival.

There’s a growing trend of hashtag-branded rebuilds in the NBA, but there’s no catchphrase yet for what this franchise is trying to pull off. If Philadelphia has The Process, and Phoenix has The Timeline, what does Brooklyn have? "That's a good question," Allen said. He looks like he wants to come up with something but knows that whatever it is will be terrible. "The Grit? I don't know." Brooklyn has The Grit.

The Lakers handed the Nets their third loss in a row that night, led by Brook Lopez and Kyle Kuzma—the player and pick sent to Los Angeles this summer for Russell. The pick used on Kuzma was originally Boston’s—the one that got swapped for Jayson Tatum. Naturally, Kuzma is looking like the steal of the draft. (The trade never dies.)

Atkinson did the postgame scrum looking like he’d just housed a full styrofoam cup of instant coffee. There was a lot to go over, clearly. "We're 16 days without a practice," he said, wincing. "The film work we're doing isn't translating. We're trying to do it through film but it's not getting the point across. So we gotta take advantage of practice time."

The visitors' locker room was hushed and featured the saddest platter of PB&J triangles you've ever seen. Allen Crabbe preached resilience. Russell evaded questions about facing his former team. Mozgov hobnobbed with a Russian reporter. There will be many more nights like this over the next few years. Most of the characters will probably be changed out before this team makes the playoffs again.

Or, maybe not.

"A lot of people count us out," LeVert said. "But we feel like we're a really good team. We're not caught up in the outside noise at all. We feel like we're really good."

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It

It's a sensitive subject.

“It’s because we like each other a lot,” Kilpatrick said. “We hang out together, which makes things a lot easier for us on the court. It makes it a lot more genuine.

Or, maybe not.

"A lot of people count us out," LeVert said. "But we feel like we're a really good team. We're not caught up in the outside noise at all. We feel like we're really good."

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It

It's a sensitive subject.

“It’s because we like each other a lot,” Kilpatrick said. “We hang out together, which makes things a lot easier for us on the court. It makes it a lot more genuine.

Or, maybe not.

"A lot of people count us out," LeVert said. "But we feel like we're a really good team. We're not caught up in the outside noise at all. We feel like we're really good."

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It

It's a sensitive subject.

“It’s because we like each other a lot,” Kilpatrick said. “We hang out together, which makes things a lot easier for us on the court. It makes it a lot more genuine.

Or, maybe not.

"A lot of people count us out," LeVert said. "But we feel like we're a really good team. We're not caught up in the outside noise at all. We feel like we're really good."

The Brooklyn Nets Have Nothing to Lose—And They're Playing Like It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes