#and other delicious biscuits Tumblr posts

[johaerys-writes]

In disasters AU, who do you think is the first one to start gaining additional weight in their middle age years(if they do)? And their/the other's reactions?

Thank you, and have a nice day🥰🥰

Oh my gosh I love that question so much thank you 😭😭🙏 Honestly I always love thinking of Achilles gaining weight as he grows older in any AU, whether that is a canon divergence AU where he gets to live and return to Phthia, or some other kind of AU where he doesn’t need to look or "be" a certain way anymore. Disasters is a little bit different because neither Achilles nor Patroclus need to have a specific physique, but I do like thinking of Achilles who feels more and more comfortable in his body and takes care of himself enough to have at least three meals of proper food every day and his diet doesn't consist of peanut butter, cereal, and cheese toasties anymore 🤣 So he might get a little squishy around his tummy and his thighs and his cheeks are a little fuller, and he's the happiest and healthiest he's ever been 💕

Patroclus is obsessed with those extra pounds and he just can’t stop touching and squeezing him LOL he loves his husband no matter what, but he's even more cuddle-able now and he just can’t resist him 🥰

[autobahnmp3]

pretty good day i gotta say

[expressionless-fr]

nah a lil treat

[calandrinon]

one of my bands respects my harmony vocals but is not yet sold on the idea that maybe we might look to the percussionist for keeping time and not the bandleader guitarist care vibrează tot la fel și în 3/4 indiferent de ce

the community group respects a well-laid-down beat but when it comes to letting me sing they are evenly split between "start packing up" and "start singing an entirely different song in russian"

(and neither of them would play the music i like)

i mean i know there's only one place in the world i will ever have anything higher than c-rank status, and i am lucky to have that, and i have made peace with it. really i have. it's just. it takes a while to cure, you know? and it will never cure if i keep picking at it. dar știi, dar știi

[scaryscarecrows]

Has the squad ever asked questions on mommy blogs for tips on dealing with AK. Because I feel like the mommy blog’s response to “My ex-employer is like 19 and has no self-care. How do I get him to do less dangerous/highly illegal things?” Would be hilarious.

Trent: The hell is a mommy blog?

Jimmy: Where white people who can't cook go.

Mark: Jimmy. You are the pastiest bastard here. Antoine is pale, you are translucent.

Jimmy: I'm not scared of cumin though.

Antoine: My sister looks at those. Or she did, until I bought her a wine glass that said 'Mommy's juice box' on it. My nephew thought it was funny, though.

Frank: I gotta be honest, I nabbed my Alfredo recipe off'a one of those. But I think I got lucky; I've also seen weird-ass 'no-fat biscuits!' which, I'm sorry, but that is a Northerner problem. USE BUTTERMILK.

Riley: Kale is a plague. I'm glad that's not my problem anymore.

[gildedoak]

Crab/Crawfish Boil! Coloring the food was a challenge of "what shade of Copic Marker is this?"

The last time I had a Crab Boil was in… middle school? My friend’s mom dumped the whole thing on a giant plastic sheet on the dining room table and it was DELICIOUS. Definitely made an impression, that's for sure!

SOUTHERN COMFORT FOOD SERIES Chicken and Waffles Sweet Tea Peach Cobbler Hushpuppies Gumbo (plus character notes!) Beignets (part 2) Shrimp and Grits Cornbread Biscuits and Gravy Pecan Pie/Sugar Pie Fried Catfish ??? - Season 1 Finale

Image description under the cut!

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: 5 panel comic

PANEL 1: (Charlie stands to the side, looking at something offscreen.) C: Hey Dad? L: Yeah? C: We’re you expecting a package from Uncle Levi? L: A what?

PANEL 2: (Charlie looks at two giant towers of seafood crates. One has a note that reads “2 Luci w/ ❤️.” Another note reads, “Call more often u dick.”) C: It’s a bunch of boxes from Uncle Levi!

PANEL 3: (A blur runs by Charlie in a flurry of feathers, sending her hair flying askew.) L: WOO YEAH!

PANEL 4: (Lucifer bounds away, the crates stacked high above his head.) L: SEAFOOD IS HERE - FRESH FROM ENVY! AL, GET THE KITCHEN READY!! C: Uh… Dad?

PANEL 5: "A few hours later…" (There is a giant, messy pile of cooked crab, shrimp, crawfish, potatoes, corn, and sausage on a long table. Charlie is agape with amazement, and Alastor hands her a plate.)

A: Charlie - be a dear and fetch the others for dinner please? And you’re going to catch flies if you keep gawking.

(Lucifer is taking photos with his phone, sending them to a group chat.)

L: Eatin’ good 2nite! Thx Levi! <crab emoji> Levi: OMG JEALOUS Levi: Is that a GODDAMN CRAB BOIL?? F U Bee: No fucking way bitch u only cook pancakes Bee: Who’s cooking 4 U?? DEETS U BITCH <heart emoji heart emoji>

END DESCRIPTION]

[babyleostuff]

gummy bears

𝜗𝜚 THEME: fluff, established relationship 𝜗𝜚 PAIRING: idol!seungcheol x fem!reader 𝜗𝜚 WORD COUNT: 603

SYNOPSIS: sometimes you find it concerning how well seungcheol knows you

natalia's note: just know that whenever cheol says "baby" it sounds like this "baby" (i died)

“here you go, baby.” 

seungcheol walked around the couch you were happily occupying, and set the bowl on the table in front of you. 

“you sure you don’t want more ramen?” he sat down next to you with a soft grunt, and immediately put an arm around you. “i can heat up some,” he said, as his other hand travelled to the scar on his leg.  

“i told you,” you sighed, and put your head on cheol’s shoulder, looking up at his big, brown eyes, “if i eat anything else, i’ll literally explode. you give me way too much food, choi seungcheol,” you smiled at him, and put your hand over his, covering his knee with your intertwined fingers. 

“one, don’t call me that. and two, if anything, i give you too little,” he bent his head a little to place a peck on your forehead, “need you to be strong and healthy.” 

you shook your head, and made yourself comfortable on the sofa, now with cheol by your side. it was one of those rare nights when your boyfriend didn’t have to be at work, so you made sure to use your time together to the fullest. first you went grocery shopping, which was always a fun chore when you were together, and decided to make ramen. so not only did you get to fool around in the kitchen but also eat something delicious. 

and now came the time for your favourite (more like cheol’s) part - cuddles. 

if you’d have to describe how your perfect day would look like, you’d describe it just like that. 

reaching for the remote, you noticed the bowl he placed on the table just a minute ago. “what’s that by the way?” you asked.

“your gummies,” he said, not tearing his eyes from the tv. your boyfriend took his job of finding a fitting movie for the night very seriously. 

“gummies?” 

“yeah, the gummy bears. i picked out the, um,” he said, squinting his eyes at the tv, “the yellow, and red ones. you like them the most so i figured i’d just pick them out for you,” he said as a matter of fact, as if your heart didn’t just skip three beats. 

you had this little habit of always picking up a snack after dinner. sometimes it was chocolate, another day it was your favourite biscuits, and sometimes it was gummy bears. you knew seungcheol was aware of your post-dinner routine, usually it was him who took it upon himself to restock your snack drawer whenever it got a tad empty (of course you never asked him to do that, and one day when you said you could do it on your own he just scoffed, and gave you a very unamused look). 

“thank you,” you muttered, suddenly too shy to say anything else. 

no matter how many times he did little thighs like that (and he did them very often), that just showed how well he knew you, how much he cared about you to notice which gummy bears you like the most - it never failed to make your heart beat a little faster, never failed to make you feel loved, feel seen. 

“of course,” he said like it was nothing, and pecked your forehead again. because it truly was nothing to him. it wasn't a chore, or something he felt like he was obligated to do as your boyfriend - his acts of service were as natural as breathing for coups. 

“you want one?” you picked up a red bear, ready to share with your boyfriend. 

“no, but thank you baby. they’re all yours.”

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @hoichi02 @aaa-sia @haneulparadx @minvrsev @zozojella @wonootnoot @kimingyuslover @wntrei @honglynights @jihoonsbbygirl @uhdrienne @bloodcanbehot

[hedgehog-moss]

Look at the delicious sushi for llamas I made today:

It's courgette stuffed with deworming paste and thanks to Poldine my plan went swimmingly. Pampelune is sometimes distrustful on deworming day, but when they saw Poldine get a treat then try to steal the other treats which were obviously meant for them, the other animals hurried to claim their own medicinal courgette as well.

Except Pampe. (How many times have I written these words.) She looked at her sushi, looked at me, sniffed every side of the courgette, decided it smelled like deceit, and walked away.

I felt daft for not going the muesli route straight away. Like all great tricksters Pampérigouste is suspicious by nature but she can't resist muesli. So I un-stuffed the courgette and used the sticky deworming paste to fashion a little muesli ball.

It was gooey and not very appetising but it's muesli, right? I camouflaged the muesli ball in a dish of innocent muesli and offered it to Pampe, but unfortunately she was now very aware that I was up to something. Instead of mindlessly vacuuming the contents of the muesli dish as she usually does, she examined the strange slimy little ball, pushed it away with her nose with obvious contempt, then ate the normal muesli. I tried (with increasing insistence and frustration) to convince her to eat the damn muesli ball, but no.

New idea: I went to the kitchen to get some pumpkin rinds, and squished the muesli ball between two small pieces of pumpkin skin like a Choco BN (if you're from the US, picture an orange worm-killing Oreo). Pampe likes pumpkin skin! I tried to explain to her that she would be punishing only herself if she refused the (admittedly deceitful) offering out of principle.

Somehow she managed to eat the outside 'biscuits' and spit out the stuffing.

At this point I had to shame her. (I told her to look ashamed for this photo; not sure she understood the assignment)

I had exhausted my creativity and had nothing left but the mean method. I got Pampe in llama jail, aka the school room where I spent many hours trying to teach her to wear a halter and be a good docile llama when she was little, while she spent many hours trying to escape by any conceivable means—high jumps, bribery, tunnels, you name it.

(In the background behind Poldine you can see the bag of hay that I used to get the llamas to follow me into the corral. Pampe naively thought I had given up on trying to make her eat gross slimy things and was about to give her a normal meal)

She tried a strange kind of escape this time around, which honestly might have worked if she were a swift salmon returning to her natal river to spawn, slicing against the current in a series of graceful, forward-arching curves. But she's a llama. It's like she forgot she wasn't all neck and also had a body that needed to clear this obstacle.

I sang her a little song to soothe her, and scritched her face, and managed to get a llama kiss which is more affection than I've ever received from a currently-jailed Pampe���her daughter really is a good influence on her!

So of course I took advantage of this moment of calm and trust to stick my hidden secret syringe in the corner of her mouth and push 2cm of deworming paste onto her tongue.

She was VEXED and WROTH.

We were talking about learning poetry by heart the other day; well, if Pampérigouste did that, "I am rowing (a hex poem)" is the poem she would have invoked in that moment.

After I left, all the other animals hurried into the corral to eat the hay I had used to get Pampe in, while Pampe turned her back on the meal and walked away a strategic distance, far enough to show me that she felt betrayed and would never eat any food I bring her ever again, not so far that she couldn't go back in and fight the donkey for what was left of the hay as soon as I stopped looking.

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙biscuits | CS55˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: carlos sainz x baker!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au, new relationship

warnings: nothing rly, jus lots of fun interactions with drivers & some fluff w carlos tehe

summary: in which your baked goods are a hit with the grid (and so is your blossoming relationship)

a/n: hiii i loveee making fics where y/n is bffs with the whole grid lolz & by whole grid it's like 4 other drivers coz i dnt have the time & space to be writing in a thousand diff relationship dynamics nd these ppl r the ones i feel most comfy writing !

request!!!: For your inspiration maybe smau with Carlos and baker reader who gets along with everyone and bakes for everyone . And maybe make it funny like the "meme" you made with Lando *(HERE for reference)*

fc: various brunette girls from pinterest

my masterlist

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, and 411,593 others

yourusername happy new year 🎇🫶

tagged: carlossainz55

view all 4,096 comments

user1 happy new year y/n!!!

user2 omgg her first new year with carlos?? 🤭

user3 hiii y/n :)

yourusername hi❤️

user3 OMG

carlossainz55 pretty girl

yourusername 🫶

user4 MY BABIES

user5 i love them

charles_leclerc it's 10pm on january 2nd

landonorris leave her alone charles she was hungover

charles_leclerc for 2 days?

yourusername dont shame me. we all saw you on carlos' birthday

charles_leclerc 🤐

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, and 623,196 others

carlossainz55 a winter break update

tagged: yourusername

view all 10,821 comments

user6 THE SELFIE

user7 i luv her

landonorris ?? those biscuits better be for me

carlossainz55 no go away

yourusername not these ones landie lou :p

landonorris boooooo

user8 not landie lou

user9 y/n is so pretty

yourusername why post that pic of us, u made me look crazy

carlossainz55 you did that all on your own my love

charles_leclerc lol 😂

yourusername you want biscuits or not charles leloser

charles_leclerc im sorry y/n

user10 the nicknames😭

user11 lol the grid is so whipped for y/n

twitter ->

instagram ->

carlossainz55 posted a story

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, and 23,555 others

landonorris MY BISCUITS??

charles_leclerc FOR ME!??

danielricciardo aw we miss y/n

carlossainz55 she said she's rustling up something delicious for you & heidi 💘

danielricciardo omg feel so blessed rn

user13 😮 the poison biscuits?!?!??

user14 the heartssss she's too cute

liked by carlossainz55

danielricciardo posted a story

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername, and 55,827 others

sry i made a typo it's meant to say FROM our angel lolz

yourusername ANYTHING FOR MY FAV AUSSIEEE

danielricciardo we luv u

landonorris daniel she hates me

danielricciardo no ur just a beg

landonorris SHUT UP

user15 this is soooo cute

user16 BEST WAG FAV WAG

user17 in love w her

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, and 567,892 others

yourusername my vacay got gatecrashed by ferrari's worst driver 😢

view all 12,011 comments

charles_leclerc why are you always so mean to me y/n

yourusername im so sowwy charlie. will u ever forgive me??!!

charles_leclerc maybe. for some biscuits

yourusername ok deal i'll make u some biscuits

landonorris this is NOT fair

charles_leclerc suck it up little lando

user18 y/n in her biscuit era

user19 fr & the flowers are soo cute

carlossainz55 you literally love when he hangs out with us

yourusername 🤫 .

charles_leclerc ???

user20 LOL

oscarpiastri hi y/n

yourusername not you too

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 887,133 others

charles_leclerc winter break + biscuits 🍒

view all 9,819 comments

carlossainz55 lando is going to be so triggered

yourusername i told him to keep it HUSH.

landonorris WHAT IS THIS

landonorris ARE THOSE Y/N BISCUITS

charles_leclerc nooo hahahhh

landonorris im done with you charles lestinks

yourusername oh it's serious

landonorris YES IT'S SERIOUS

user21 someone make that boy some biscuits

user22 we all gonna ignore charles hands in that pic 👀

user23 oh no dw. we're looking

oscarpiastri justice for lando norris

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, danielricciardo, carlossainz55

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, estebanocon, and 822,643 others

carlossainz55 time flies

view all 16,193 comments

yourusername i love u so much cant wait to watch u this race season 🌶️

carlossainz55 my biggest supporter ❤️ i love you

user24 favs omg

landonorris aww is that you guys baking biscuits for me together?? 😊

carlossainz55 sure lando!

yourusername 🤨🤨

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️

scuderiaferrari can't wait to have our favourite girl back in the paddock!

carlossainz55 you & me both

yourusername ❤️

user25 ferrari admin is just like us

user26 the pic of them baking together is too cute

user27 AND y/n in the ferrari jacket😭😭

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, georgerussell63, and 421,056 others

yourusername & we're back 🐎

view all 6,338 comments

user29 the nailssss

user30 she's so hot

alexandrasaintmleux so happy to be back to seeing u almost every weekend🙏

yourusername ME TOOO squealing & running round

charles_leclerc y/n you cant keep her for too long

yourusername i do what i want. sorry

alexandrasaintmleux 🤭🤭🤭

carlossainz55 my lucky charm 🍀

yourusername blushing omg. i love u

carlossainz55 and i love you

scuderiaferrari lucky us!! everyone wants what we have

yourusername oh stop it you

user31 now kiss

user32 no wag will ever top y/n

user33 most supportive wag

yourusername posted a story

liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes, and 83,415 others

charles_leclerc 😍

user34 omg sooo cute

user35 she's gorgeous

francisca.cgomes omggg love

yourusername where are u kika we want u with us

francisca.gomes omg tehe love you i'll come see you asap

user36 FERRARI WAGS BFFS

landonorris posted a story

liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, and 201,738 others

carlossainz55 safe flight ✈️

charles_leclerc are you kidnapping her

landonorris no we're not all as crazy as you!

charles_leclerc behave 👎

user37 awwwww taking flights together they're besties

user38 she's just a girl fr

user39 stealing our girl away to smelly england?

yourusername posted a story

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes, and 67,082 others

landonorris you should be making biscuits for me

yourusername i might if you stop being so desperate

landonorris 🤨

carlossainz55 cant wait to reunite with you this evening 💘

yourusername me too i miss you tons!

user40 we love u y/n

user41 well deserved :))

pierregasly kika said where's her invite

yourusername we're not even in the same country unfortunately 😢 she knows i wish she was here to hang out

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, carlossainz55, and 817,019 others

yourusername short stint in london 🇬🇧

view all 7,952 comments

lewishamilton the most beautiful couple

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55

oscarpiastri i love my parents

yourusername strange boy

carlossainz55 dont talk to our son like that y/n

oscarpiastri dad 🥹

yourusername ...my bad

user43 LOLLLL not y/n having no choice but to parent the rookies 🥹

user44 logan too i bet

charles_leclerc monaco next?

carlossainz55 we are literally always there??

charles_leclerc yeah well i miss you guys ok..

yourusername AWWW CHARLIEEE

user45 THE PAPER RINGS WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

landonorris aww look at you two

yourusername 😘 got some biscuits in the oven for you

landonorris NO WAY

landonorris posted a story

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 401,723 others

carlossainz55 my girl is beautiful AND generous

THE END ❤️

[peachyforthis]

Genshin men when YOU try to make their signature dish (pt 1)

+ when they make yours

Featuring: Kaveh, Neuvillette, Alhaitham

Kaveh

Would accidentally snort in laughter when seeing you struggle to put those biscuit crusts in place.

But would refrain from laughing more in seeing your dedication to make this dish for him, a sincere smile on his lips and heart swelling with love.

Might actually start telling you the mathematically calculated way to position the crusts while you get tired eventually and remind him that these biscuits have to be broken down to eat anyways, for which he would dramatically gasp and pout while saying, “It’s all about the art and presentation!”

Would definitely add a touch of his architect designs on your favourite food that you’ll be in awe of his skills, while simultaneously thinking if you really wanna break and eat this masterpiece.

“You are truely a genius. Now i feel guilty for eating your art.”

“Nonsense!, I can make these new structures a thousand times for you. Only if you’d want that.”

How could you say no to seeing what new designs he comes up with every time.

Would feed the food to you himself, since you felt bad breaking his structure.

He wouldn’t mind. Honestly, he would be secretly so proud since you loved his passion so much too.

Neuvillette

Would have to request his Melusine assistant for his favourite, chilliest water stash to make this.

Honestly, when you sample some to check, it’s not that different from the normal consomme you make except it’s more… refreshing with his imported water (why are you even surprised anyways).

But you’d make it anyday for your beloved Dragon as you see him devour it (in his proper manners of course), while telling you how delicious it was after you finally settle down on his lap, with him lovingly kissing your cheek.

“Exquisite flavours, my beloved.”

You lean up and kiss him.

“I did use your water stash though. Never knew it would be this hard to convince Sedene that i won’t waste it. She definitely guards it like mora,” to which he chuckles.

On a rare free day, you would catch him suffering trying to learn to make your favourite food, even if the said food is fried or dried like those Mondstat hash browns or Charcoal baked Ajilenakh cakes.

“I often have wished to make some of these hash browns for you, ahem… although these oil fumes do make me feel like I’m losing my Hydro constitution.”

And honestly, to you this is more than enough proof of his eternal love.

Alhaitham

You wanna make his signature food as a surprise for him since he’s a bit stressed these days. So you make up your mind to cook it on your free day while Alhaitham is away at the Academiya.

At first, spends too much time thinking if you really wanna write the word “contemplation” on the finished dish.

Eventually, you’d add it since you wanna make this just like Alhaitham likes, even if you don’t understand the aesthetic. But if that’s how Alhaitham likes? You’ll do it willingly. Like how love is a feeling which sometimes cannot be understood fully, yet you both have it for each other.

Fishes out his special patterned frying pan and measures the spices he likes to add to the dish.

When Alhaitham comes home in the evening he immediately recognizes the smell and goes to the kitchen first to see you fully focused on making his dish, marking out the symbols albeit a bit clumsily, not noticing Alhaitham watching you with a warm, tender gaze.

Later, tries to be nonchalant when you serve him lovingly, but you know better when he kisses your head and blushes a bit after while you have that grin on your face. Smiles seeing your clumsy handwriting of “contemplation” word on his dish.

He is a methodical person. Would search up your favourite dish and measure out the exact ingredients, time and procedure. Wouldn’t mind redoing it since he wants your favourite to taste precisely how you like.

“You know I wouldn’t mind if it doesn’t taste the exact same. Whatever you make, I’ll eat it heartily,” you giggle.

“Only the best for you. Plus, don’t worry about the wastage of the previous failed attempts. I have enough mora and I know Kaveh wouldn’t mind gobbling anything since he’s always starved.”

reblogs would be very appreciated ^^

[dez78]

Astarion's Surprise

--------------------------

Fandom: Baldur's gate 3

Pairings: Astarion x You

Warnings: None

Summary: Astarion wants to impress you, but the universe has other plans.

Post Cazador Act 3

-----------------------

Instead of staying at the Elfsong permanently, you bought a medium sized house in Baldur's Gate with the money you had saved up this last year of traveling. It was spacious, but not freakishly big.

You were also considerate of Astarion's vampirism and picked a house with hardly any windows.

Today, you awoke to the beautiful golden sun peering into your room, you were worried cause Astarion wasn't with you. You sat up quickly and threw your legs over the side of the bed. You grabbed your robe off the headboard and slipped it on.

You smelt a peculiar smell when you got to the door of the room, then as you opened it, you heard Astarion's voice.

"Oh blasted!" He cried, then the sound clanking resounded.

"By all the seven hells! Why must this be so difficult!" He whimpered.

"Babe?" You said softly, Astarion turned.

"Oh, you're awake! If I woke you, I'm terribly sorry." He apologized. You smiled,

"I woke up to the sun on my face." You replied,

"Oh, I opened the curtains before the sun rose." Astarion admitted shyly.

"I know how much you enjoy that warm feeling." He added. Your heart thrummed faster; he was so sweet.

You then looked around the kitchen and saw the awful mess he had made.

"What's all this?" You questioned with playfulness. Astarion looked defeated.

"I wanted to make you breakfast, but I burned the damn berry tart, so I tried making butter buns and biscuits, but I burned those blasted things as well! So, I tried making a fruit porridge and I somehow messed that damn thing up too!" He cried. He was completely drained with defeat; you felt bad for him.

He looked so disappointed as he refused eye contact with you. You approached him,

"I'm sorry, I wanted to do something nice for you and the universe made me a horrible cook." Astarion snorted, you gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Nonsense my love." You said lovingly, Astarion looked at you, his eyes glittering with hope.

"Anything you make is good." You lied, you buttered him up. He cracked a smile. You knew he'd get better if he was confident.

You approached the counter and grabbed your food, Astarion tried stopping you.

"Oh, let me try again, I'm sure that's rubbish!" He cried after you. You smiled and took a healthy spoonful of the sloppy fruit porridge, you hummed.

"It's delicious my love." You said, then you took a bite of the black biscuit, then the crunchy butter bread.

"Mhm, that's divine." You said with enthusiasm. Astarion smiled, he knew you were bullshitting him but seeing you eat it anyway made his heart flutter.

He sat down with you and the two of you enjoyed your morning together.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

REVISED A cervical orgasm happens when your body profoundly softens, the inner seals unlock, and the light of the divine showers your organs with clean chi that washes away old stuck trauma. Your heart fully opens in that moment. Some women (and non-binary female bodied people) were born with an easier access to their cervical orgasm but their trauma is locked up in other areas. For most of us, our trauma is trapped into our hips, belly, pelvis, womb, cervix, and heart/breasts like a maze and we have to learn to let go in order to unwind and experience the full floodgates of a cervical mystery gush our entire body into alignment. A cervical orgasm can feel like you are about to die and to be honest, parts of you do, every time. The soil of our body is holding onto many false layers that limit our potential and cervical orgasms and their accompany cleansing tears can wipe away. For most women, the work is to de-amour, re-sensitize your body and develop trust and safety in yourself and if you have a lover, in your lover so that you can feel the depths of a benevolent thrust but your body doesn't tighten up and register it as a kind of harm or trauma. When we tense up during lovemaking, it is an unconscious response to trauma and other calcifications. The female body must open wide and wider but often what happens is that when the sex feels really delicious, she tightens up unconsciously and shut off the energy flow. Some of the closing up is due to the "good girl" programming inherited. When you consciously use your breath, make real unusual grown woman sounds and relax your face, tongue, lips, and jaw, an energetic circuit reveals the cosmos through your matter. She doesn’t try to sound pretty or cute. She growls, gasps, wails, and moans to the heavens. Her interdimensional waters reign down on earth. Permitting your body to make big sound and experience big emotion outside the bedroom helps. You may need to approve of yourself moaning in real ways, breathing sensually, or making loud sounds and vocal tones outside of sex in order to feel comfortable erupting big sound during sex. Permitting your body to animate real excitement because your homemade biscuits taste delicious is the healthy-nervous-system path. Sound helps to move and circulate higher wattages of energy throughout your female body so that you naturally begin to experience higher levels of heart-opening intimacy, quality of orgasms and purification. But every time you hold back your real voice, tears and emotions of love from flowing, you prevent your body from opening from the depths. Throat/oracle vocal work, belly breathing, singing lessons, deep throat self-massage, outside of the bedroom, is essential. -India Ame'ye, Author

[shoku-and-awe]

The other night, I broke out a recipe I hadn't used since maybe 2021: Surprisingly Easy Basic Baked Cheesecake! I used to make these all the time for park hangs. They're portable, super simple, and pretty quick, and everyone always loves them, even if I overbake them or misjudge the ratio of crust to cheesecake.

This time was a bit experimental because I used cream cheese that had been frozen and Came Back Wrong with a very clumpy, crumbly texture, but they still turned out smooth and creamy and delicious. Also, I've also made it without the crust (thought I had biscuits but I was wrong!) and that honestly might have been even better. Jury's still out.

You can also make a fruity topping if you have the time and inclination. I usually do a quick saucepan sauce with frozen blueberries, bourbon if I have it, a pinch each of sugar and salt, lemon juice, and a slurry of katakuriko (potato starch) if it needs thickening.

Anyway, click through for English recipe and tips on doing mini cupcakes instead. I'm not sure I've ever done one big cake, actually.

INGREDIENTS (makes a single 18-cm cake or 10~12 mini cheesecakes) 200 g cream cheese (room temp) 90 g sugar 2 eggs 200 cc fresh cream 30 g cake flour 1 tbsp lemon juice 100 g biscuits 40 g unsalted butter (room temp) INSTRUCTIONS 1. Crush biscuits (in a bag with a rolling pin, or using a food processor) and mix with room-temp butter by hand until well combined. Grease a cake pan and use plastic wrap to shape into a crust inside it. (For mini cheesecakes in a muffin tin, just grease it and spread a thin layer on the bottom of each one.) 2. In a bowl, mix or blend the cream cheese until it forms a cream. Add sugar and then eggs, mixing thoroughly. 3. Gradually stir in the cream. Sift the flour and stir it in. Add the lemon juice. 4. Pour batter into cake pan and bake at 170C for 40-45 min., or until a toothpick comes out clean (or an internal temperature of 65C). Let cool and refrigerate 2~3 hours. NOTES

For a smoother texture, you can remove the bubbles by lifting your pan to height of ~3cm and dropping it a few times. I can't really do this with a soft silicone muffin tin, but I do stretch and shake it a bit, and use a fork to puncture any visible bubbles.

After about 30 minutes, I cover them with tinfoil to stop the tops from burning. Also, about the cooking time: 45 minutes seems short for a big cake because that's what the tiny cupcakes take, but that may be the fault of my oven, which is electric and weak and also so tiny that it still manages to burn things because everything so close to the heating element.

Cooling: if you're short on a time, you can put them directly into the fridge uncovered and it will be fine.

[smallgodseries]

Words mean things. This is unquestionable, incontrovertible, uncontroversial. Words mean things, or what’s the point in having words? They may mean different things in different languages, but when people are speaking the same language, they should be able to comfortably assume they’re understanding one another. That the words they use, identical and clear, should mean the same things.

Enter Geoff.

Geoff, who will be happy to offer you a delicious treat, still steaming and warm from the oven, soft as a promise, enchanting as a sigh…if you’re only willing to call it by the proper name. Thank Geoff for the biscuit, get showered in sugary joy. Thank Geoff for the cookie, find yourself unfed and uncontented. Because some gods are very regional in their delights. Some gods exist within the lee of a single meaning.

Some gods hold no truck with blue fuzzy monsters, and don’t understand why anyone would choose to do so. “Biscuit is a satisfying word,” says Geoff.  “It has snap and crunch. It feels delicious in the mouth. What is ‘cookie’? ‘Cookie’ is mush, it’s mostly vowels, the consonants it has are all doing the same job, it’s a lazy word. Leave it be, and come and have a biscuit with someone who knows what they’re talking about.”

Geoff is always glad to offer you a biscuit. Just not a hot, fluffy, buttermilk one. Those are for other gods and other hands, and less complicated culinary linguistic climes.

[angelofsmalldeaath]

'cause my baby's sweet as can be, she give me toothaches just from kissin' me — a.h.b.

cw: fem!reader, mentions of food, mentions of diets, kinda suggestive, fluff (literally at this point what else do i write other than sickly sweet, domestic fluff)

for two weeks now he’s been on a diet so strict it’ll put a hollywood starlet to shame. 

it’s necessary, he’s aware—he needs to be fit to perform on stage every night for hours, keep up his energy. he needs to entertain. he’s indulged enough in the last few months anyway. 

which is why when the smell of chocolate and vanilla wafts out of the kitchen, his head turns. his eyes flutter shut of their own accord, his mouth floods with saliva. 

fuck. 

it really is a divine smell. 

he imagines the silly little animals in cartoons, imagines their anthropomorphic feet lifting off the ground, the noses trailing the translucent vapours, leading them to the source of it. a giant batch of warm, homemade biscuits in this case. 

he won’t fall for it though, he knows it’s not for him—it’s for the neighbour’s boy of all people, for his 10th birthday, apparently. still he can’t resist taking a peak. 

when he stops at the threshold of their kitchen, he finds exactly what he predicted. 

the kitchen is bathed in rainbows, sunlight filtering through all the sunlight stickers on the windows. the music isn’t deafeningly loud, but it’s loud enough that she barely hears him when he walks in. she’s too engrossed to even hear him snickering at her off-key singing. 

“hello, you,” he smiles, hugging her from behind. she jumps a little at first but melts the moment his arms wrap around her. “this smells delicious.”

“so have one,” she shrugs. the tiny movement intensifies the sweet smell clinging to her—sugar and vanilla and chocolate. something that matches her so perfectly that he can’t resist sliding her hair aside to place a little kiss on her shoulder.

“you know i can’t, you cruel woman.” another kiss, longer than the last one. “i’ll have one, and one more, and one more, and, well…there might not be any left for the birthday party.”

she sighs deeply, pretending to be engrossed in thought, giggling when his kisses turn more frequent, lips moving from her shoulder to her back, to the nape of her neck. 

“on second thought,” he breathes onto her skin, enjoying the way she shivers in response, “i could eat you, you're the sweetest thing in the world.”

“you called me cruel two seconds ago!”

“mmm yes, it is cruel how perfect you are now that you say it.”

“what’s gotten into you, huh?” she laughs, a touch too breathy to be teasing. he could decipher her laughs in his sleep—this one particularly. she’s enjoying it, she just won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it. 

“pretty baby,” he nips at her earlobe, “i like watching you bake. you have this look on your face of utter concentration…tongue poking out and all.”

“do i? didn’t know you had such domestic fantasies about me.”

“oh i have a variety of fantasies about you.”

he knows she’s biting her lip without even looking at her. it’s in vain though—she’s never been able to stifle a smile, not around him. he prides himself on it too much. 

“keep a few biscuits for us, will you?”

she turns partially, furrowing her brows. “thought you didn’t want any.”

he takes the opportunity, turns her around by the waist until she’s pressed flush against his chest, trapped between him and the kitchen island. he sees the small smudge of flour on her cheek then, even the smudge of chocolate on the corner of her lip from when she no doubt snuck a piece. or two. 

“‘s not for me,” he clicks his tongue, bends till his nose is pressed to her cheek. “‘s so you could eat them, and kiss me after. it’ll make them sweeter that way.” 

even with his eyes closed he feels her cheeks flushing, feels the thud of her heart when he kisses the chocolate smudge away, flicking his tongue over her lip in the process—something he simply can’t resist. then he brushes the flour away with his knuckles and tilts her chin up until she has no choice but to look at him. 

“stop flirting with me,” she frowns deeply, trying to look all serious and jabs a finger in his chest. “i have a kitchen to clean.” and even that lacks any conviction. she’s enjoying far too much to put up any facade. 

“unless—” he’s not even surprised by the perfect puppy eyes at this point “—you wanna clean it for me? you do love me, don’t you?”

and that’s definitely a trap he’s walked right in. 

he laughs, rests his forehead on hers for a moment. “go sit down, i’ll take care of this.”

she pumps her fist in the air, not even trying to be the least bit subtle. and just like always, he’s fallen for it (for her really) hook, line and sinker.

[shepherds-of-haven]

please i need to know--how would the shepherds fare in a bakery AU?

Hmm, interesting question!

Blade: don't hire him. he would drive the customers away with his very presence. just imagine some dour black-clothed man looming in your charming bakery amidst the smells of custard buns like

truly disgusting stuff

Trouble: I think this would be manageable at first, but not ideal! he's really game to try any line of work for as long as it can hold his interest, and baking could appeal to him if you pointed out its scientific/chemical qualities! Aesthetically his cakes and desserts would look like this

...but his bread would be the absolute bomb! and he'd have such a friendly and casual attitude when you walked in that I feel like people around the neighborhood would fall in love with him lol. imagine him working a wood-fire oven!

Tallys: she would be an efficient worker who made delicious pastries with homegrown or foraged ingredients--very Great British Bakeoff in essence, where they're always talking about making their own pestos or growing their own tomatoes for things or whatever--but her personality is cool and courteous enough that people would feel slightly intimidated by her, like you can't just go to her and ask for your a Shrek cake for your son's 5th birthday party, she's an artisan and you have to treat her as such! (even if she never says so explicitly herself)

Shery: this is my dream for her. She's thriving, she has her own cozy bakery with all of the pastel sweets and cute little character macarons you could ever ask for, she constantly smells of sugar and vanilla and smiles warmly when you walk inside! she is the most successful in this AU of them all and eventually goes on to go viral once people discover her quaint little bakeshop!

Riel: he's an angel investor. he gave shery seed money to pursue her dream of being a baker. she parcels him up treats and petit fours and cookies and sends them to his house once a week, or he'll stop in on his way home from work (or send his butler to go get it when he gets a craving). but in no universe are you getting him to work in a bakery, lol. and nor would you want to! the man has no instinct for cooking or baking. all of his food ends up looking like this

the best you'll get out of him is that he makes every display in the bakery extremely, painfully symmetrical...

Chase: you're probably better off hiring him as, like, the greeter or sign spinner or flyer-distributor to get people into the bakery. like, he'd be great at charming customers into your store, but I highly doubt you'd want to trust him to do anything else in the bakery. he doesn't have the patience to be cooped up behind the register all day. he'd get distracted by all the fun ingredients in the kitchen if you tried to get him to follow a recipe and bake some cakes. heck, he'd probably be distracted thirty minutes into the whole venture and would just wander out of the shop, never to return! he might accidentally turn out something tasty now and then, but it's not enough to justify having him in your bakery lol

Red: i feel like he could have helped out in a family's friend bakery for a summer as, like, a favor and a seasonal high school job, lol. would he have enjoyed it? probably not, he'd rather be doing other things, but he'd be competent and attentive enough to keep things running at a decent clip! he'd be great at running the register and service end of things, or doing the numbers or deliveries, but only so-so at the baking/kitchen end of things. he'd make great coffee!

Ayla: she'd be fairly decent at this! I think if you put her in the kitchen and gave her detailed instructions on what to do, she'd resist it at first--scowl, scowl, this is dumb, this is boring, why am I cooped up back here like a slave??--but once she got into the rhythm of things, I could see Ayla enjoying slinging dough and cranking out simple things like cookies, biscuits, and bread. No finicky decorating or delicate stuff like frosting cakes--that's how you get cakes being smashed in fits of temper--but "one-and-done" products would be great for her!

Briony: she's brilliant behind the register, cheerily calling out greetings and wrapping up your pastries in their nice little boxes while making chitchat with you. she'd be a sunny presence that made everyone feel happy and welcome in the bakery. she might be able to help out in the kitchen as an assistant now and again, but it's probably not worth the trouble... she's just as likely to trip and knock over an entire shelf of flour, or accidentally squash a cake under her elbow when going to lean on a table, that it's probably just safer to keep her out of the kitchen altogether...

Lavinet: naur... maybe if you want her to be your hot cashieress, but even in an AU, I feel like there are a lot of jobs she'd take over working in a bakery or any kind of food service! flour? in her hair? i don't think so, darling! while she enjoys food and sweets, she has absolutely zero interest in how it's made or selling it, so this would not be a good fit for her at all!

Halek: baking isn't his passion, but he's obviously second-best at this bakery thing after Shery! I think he'd be one of those weird, elusive, sort of temperamental artist-bakers, the ones who are only open from like 4 AM-9 AM, you have to line up outside and stand on the sidewalk for like 20 minutes before you're allowed to buy up to 3 bagels because he only makes exactly 200 every two days, but once you finally get the damn thing, it's the best bagel you've ever had in your life! oh and he only offers plain and veggie cream cheese or an egg and sausage sandwich, no other options!