#and on a less important note I think there’s also been a lot of forgetting canon vs. fanon after such a long hiatus

[o-wild-west-wind]

I appreciate reading this, but I actually have a completely different perspective from my viewing of this show, and that is the fact that everyone fulfills the role of the queer-coded villain—but especially Ed. It only potentially seems otherwise because we forgot what it felt like to watch season 1 for the first time, and the show did such a good job of transforming the trope from something harmful into something complex and representative.

When Ed was introduced in episode 4, we learned two things about him: he’s not stereotypically masculine, and he’s planning to kill Stede. He, in many respects, immediately fulfilled the queer-coded villain stereotype; he’s dramatic and over the top, he likes fashion, he’s non-conforming, he’s hot and compelling. And yet he’s still explicitly morally grey. He’s presented as the antagonist.

But the trope dissolves as we learn his complexity; he doesn’t actually like violence, he doesn’t really want to kill, and he’s more than subtextually gay—he really is a full human with depth of emotion and capacity for love, and canonically in love with a man. Ed is the character whose arc frames an antithesis to the villain trope that has been pervasive in culture for so long. But the best part: he doesn’t lose the traits we still enjoy of these characters. He is still entertaining, and witty, and beautiful, and tragic, and even violent when he needs to be—but he’s also good, at heart. He is an example of taking this complicated trope and asking, why do we like these characters? And how can we make the story about them this time around, in a way that no longer villainizes them? And you could make this argument of almost any character in this show—every character could be the villain in someone else’s story. Jim is an obvious example of this. But the reason they don’t feel like the villain is because it’s their story.

The queer sidekick, too, is so beautifully represented in a character like Lucius. Lucius who, when first introduced, feels like the token gay—the stereotype we are so used to seeing as the character who bounces everyone else’s insight while never getting an arc of their own. And yes, he does begin as many of these things—similarly to Ed’s fulfillment of the queer-coded villain, the stereotype is presented before it can be refuted—but the crucial aspect is how this is turned on its head through the expansion of his character. Lucius gets a whole romance of his own, but he’s also given his own arc of personal growth; he goes from being the emotional center of the crew to the one poignantly struggling, and he becomes the receiver rather than the giver of support.

Izzy, in contrast, is never explicitly any of these things until maybe mid season 2. When he is introduced, he is actually the foil to everyone’s queerness; he represents a rigid adherence to masculinity, and antagonizes those who present as otherwise. He is never queer-coded while he exists as a villain; if anything, he’s internalized-homophobia coded, but that is a completely different trope with a very unique context in a story where every virtually sympathetic character is gay and harmed by this presence. I also didn’t think he was really presented as a sidekick, and definitely not the queer sidekick, especially considering what I just mentioned by his role as the foil; I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that comparison, to be totally honest, but like I said regarding Lucius, I do think that trope shows up to be challenged smartly in this show. One could argue that Izzy has a queer awakening arc in season 2 during the drag show, but I would argue that so does Wee John—who has had a very subtle but stark and beautiful journey of self-actualization that also culminates in the Calypso drag. So on all of these points, even if he did fulfill the role, there is consistently at least one (but usually several) other characters who also fulfill them. The reasoning for the narrative importance of including his death specifically I delve into a bit here.

Perhaps I have a completely different understanding of homophobia, but honestly…even if this show was taking those exact tropes copy paste as you described and only switching out a gay couple for a straight couple, I still don’t see how that’s homophobic. I think it’s a good thing to turn the tropes we’ve been presented in media on their head by presenting gay romance as just as important and worthy of storytelling as straight romance—and the way people have imposed this filter of “because Stede and Ed are a gay couple that follow typically straight romance story beats that means they are actually straight representation” is borderline dangerous imo, because it is just one more way that the presentation of queerness is policed, and it’s even scarier seeing that coming from within the community itself—what should be the safest space for it.

But since those tropes don’t even play out in that exact way, I do think this all bears some further analysis and this is what I encourage by framing this counterpoint. And what I do also want to mention is my favorite discussion question of all regarding this show, which I bring up because of your take on this show as a sitcom: is it really, and was it ever, just a sitcom? Discussions of death, trauma, violence, racism, homophobia, and suicide have been at the core of this show from day one, but especially through its course this season. This question is rhetorical—I just think it’s an important thought exercise, as not every comedy is only a comedy.

This is an extremely surface level analysis, so if anything is unclear I’m happy to reframe!

Another round of thoughts on the "Izzy died like a queer-coded character from a pre-gay-lib era" theme:

Every time I check into the Izzy tag or the main OFMD tag, I see people talking about how they liked/weren't shocked by the finale because it always kinda seemed like Izzy was going to die:

The reason it seems that way is because Izzy is the kind of gay character that has, historically, gotten buried.

He's the queer-coded sidekick that has to die to make way for the straight romance, and the queer-coded villain that has to be vanquished to make room for the happy ending (which includes a straight romance).

This time, he died to make way for a gay romance. Diversity win!!! I guess????

And it isn't that anyone thinks--well, probably someone somewhere does think it, but it isn't that I think that DJenks did this because he secretly loves homophobic tropes.

I think--I mean, he's pretty much said, in the interviews--that he did it because he just kinda felt like Izzy had to die to complete his arc. And he's also said he didn't intend to write a homophobic show, what I conclude from that is that he didn't fucking notice that the reason he, IDK, just kinda always felt like Izzy had to die was because of this trope.

That's why, as of the actual filming of the fucking episode, he convinced himself he was doing the "mentor dies" trope, even though he'd never done anything to establish that kind of relationship between the two characters. Because he didn't fucking know why it just kinda seemed right for Izzy to die.

And that, my friends, means that this show is just not as smart as we built it up in our minds to be.

I wasn't even expecting it to be the show where That Character finally gets a happy ending of his own. But I was--because it is a fucking sitcom--expecting it to be one where he ended up somewhere we could imagine a happy ending for him, rather than leaving him bleeding out on the fucking pavement.

[thewertsearch]

GG: Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave. GG: Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book. […] TT: We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive. TT: There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid. GG: Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting?

Lest we forget, Dave managed to turn Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff into a movie, this time around.

...hey, wait a second. In the original timeline, Dave Prime was inspired to make SBaHJ after a conversation with Terezi - one that can't possibly have happened on this iteration of Earth. Is Guardian Dave's knowledge of the comic another example of inter-self memory bleed?

TT: I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation.

Lil' Bro knows about the Veil, a piece of Sburb lore that even Jake - who truly believes Jade is his grandmother - isn't privy to. I suspect he's getting some of his intel from Roxy, who has access to a copious amount of lore via her Seer mother.

The Sufferer, as far as I can tell, was capable of directly accessing the memories of his pre-Scratch self. If Guardian Rose's Seer abilities are analogous to his, then she theoretically has access to all the information that our protagonists do, via Rose Prime's perspective.

...come to think of it, there's no reason why she wouldn't be able to read the memories of an older Rose Prime, from later sections of the comic. Guardian Rose might just be one of the most clued-in characters in the entire setting.

GG: I dunno. Call me a simpleton, but I just like funny jokes. TT: Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do. TT: And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be? GG: Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say. TT: Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable. GG: I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly! TT: Yeah, bullshit. TT: He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers. GG: Oh, please.

I actually really like the dynamic between these two; they play off each other excellently, and it's the most comfortable conversation we've seen between any of the B2 kids thus far.

Their relationship has a lot in common with the John/Rose friendship - but Bro's noticeably less serious than Rose, and Jane's just a little bit spikier than John. There's synergy here.

GG: Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family. TT: You haven't renamed him yet? […] TT: You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important.

That's extremely important. Take it from me.

[l-in-the-light]

Trafalgar Law and his rare friendships (Law and closeness series part 4)

Let's venture into less explored territory. And we will start with no one else but our beloved Kinemon!

They met at Punk Hazard, Kinemon doing some rampage and Law was sent by Caesar to stop him. At first he cut him up into three pieces apparently, but I think Kin is colorizing here a lot.

Because let's take a look at his awesome feats. He might be cut into pieces, but he's still a decent threat despite that! I think Law started by cutting Kinemon in half, then got surprised he still tried to fight him, and then he cut off his head as well only to realize that even the head alone is probably bouncing around as well! So he caught it, but in the meantime the legs already run somewhere else and the torso escaped Law on his way back to lab somehow which is where Brook finds it later. And Law was probably like "screw it, I don't have time for this" and left it be for now. But I bet it wasn't "letting his torso to rot, and feed legs to wild beasts" like Kinemon claims. After all his legs turned out to be just fine lol. And we know by now that Kin's legs just run off on their own aimlessly, so this is probably what actually happened.

And this is how Strawhats find Kin. I guess Kinemon was still causing a lot of trouble despite being only a head. Maybe he tried to bite Law? Anyway, he must have been really *mad* to cut him up into that many tiny pieces. I think Kinemon was behaving like a little shit. It's important to mention Law never did that to anyone else before.

And he attempts to do the same to Tashigi who is also trying to bounce around while being cut in half.

Yeah, Kinemon and Law started off on a great note there. But I think Kin earned Law's respect for that, because this is probably what Kin shouted at him while being cut into smaller and smaller pieces:

And Law shoved his head into some closed off room, instead of giving it to Caesar. I think he was trying to spare him and hoping he can restore him back later on.

As soon as they both end up on Strawhats ship, Kinemon already treats Law with respect! It's no longer "that warlord" but "Law-dono".

It seems that despite what Kinemon says, Law actually earned his respect back there already. He even tried to catch his name or the title to know who he is.

It's so sweet he's already asking Law to give him a ride to Zou and before he can get an answer Luffy butts-in haha.

He's always listening carefully to Law's plan in Dressrosa and keeps closely with his assigned group. And yes, it's implied that Law was the one who strategically seperated the groups.

Kin is the first one to raise a concern to stick to the plan and not waste any time. He understands the stakes but won't venture off on his own, instead making sure the whole group knows what to do. That's because they left before Law finished going over the plan again. Kinemon took it on himself to make sure "they got the memo", so to speak.

Kin's also the one who seems most worried about Law, probably because when he almost rescued him he realized in what kind of terrible state he was. "Answer me!!" there is a lot of concern there he didn't show for any of the Strawhats yet, but he did for Law.

His idea to distract and cause some chaos by disguising himself was also something Law would approve of.

On Barto's ship Kin is already taking care of the dangers ahead of others, because he's aware his friends are still recoving from their injuries.

Kinemon never forgets that Strawhats and Law are in alliance and are two seperate crews. He asks Law specifically for help as well, clearly surprising him with that request. Kin's amazement seems to be very genuine and he is very polite in how he asks for help.

And then alliance happens, they bump fists together I bet Law must have braced himself for it and Luffy declares "Being in alliance means we're friends!". This is the moment Luffy defines what Kinemon and Law's relationship is supposed to be from now on: friendship. And of course Law is annoyed about that, it should be up to him to decide stuff like that! Luffy doesn't care though, pushing Law's boundaries further for him.

Law already takes on his role in the alliance, assuring Kin they will be safe in his submarine and no one will be able to suddenly attack them on his watch. Now this is a turn of 180 degrees, Law takes them as his own personal responsibility from now on, gives emotional reassurance and basically saying "count on me" but with different words. He already succumbed to the fate Luffy bestowed upon him.

And take a look at this. There is team Luffy, team Nekomamushi, Team Inuarashi and Team Kinemon. Do you know what that means? Yes, Law handed the leadership over the group to Kinemon! Meanwhile himself taking the role of a support and protection. And this trend will continue all the way in Wano as well.

Apparently he visited Kinemon at the castle ruins every single day. Most likely worried about his health condition.

Law apologized immediately to Kinemon the moment the other asks what's going on. Even takes the blame for himself, but also takes extra time to reassure Kin that his part of the plan is unaffected and no one knows about the samurais. I think it's implied again that it was Law who seperated the tasks in each group meanwhile taking a supervisor role himself. He told Kinemon to find Akazaya samurais and they had a whole operation going on in the background with gathering supplies of weapons and food, bit by bit, while officially putting the blame on some third party. Knowing Kinemon he wouldn't be smart enough to think of it this way, so Law at the very least helped him organize stuff. Besides we don't see Kinemon running around and making sure everything works out: that's Law actually, checking up with all the groups and resolving any potential crisis situations (like when he warned Sanji of trouble and took it on himself to lead the whole group to safety). Besides we have Sanji's words for proof when Law apologized to Kinemon: "What kind of shoddy operation are you running, Law?!" which is pretty direct in pointing out who the actual mastermind is behind the Wano's battle.

Seeing how Kin also wasn't the smartest at reading the coded picture message about the raid, I think it was originally Law's idea as well that the message should be some sort of code only people involved would understand. The raid picture also mentions meeting up at a port specifically, and that seems to be a reoccuring point plan in every of Law's plans ever since Rocky PORT Incident. Even in Dressrosa and Punk Hazard the chosen meeting points for all seperated groups were told to be specific ports.

When it turns out there was a traitor in the midst of their core team, it's Law who seems to have taken it on himself to dig up information from Hawkins. Interestingly enough every last samurai arrives for the raid despite that every single bridge in the country had been destroyed. I have no evidence but I think it's likely Law helped all those people travel to the "true" meeting spot. After all we didn't see him for days before the raid, and while many fans believed Law turned into a snitch, the raid itself denies it: Law was from the very beginning to the very end on the alliance's side. But then why didn't he take credit for what he did to make the raid a success? Well, he didn't take any credit at all before either, giving it all to Kinemon, so why would he start to take it for himself suddenly?

Here Law rescues the samurais, scolding them for underestimating the sea. Doesn't it look similar to you? Law is rising them up just like Oden did on his execution day. This symbolically proves Law is the actual person carrying the whole battle operation on his back. Just like his full name, Trafalgar Waterloo, should have hinted us all along. His reactions to all the others discussing what's happening are also very telling - Law's the only one not surprised that samurais aren't there yet, that there is a traitor, not even surprised that Kid is there. But he is taken aback about news of Big Mom and Jinbei, because that's some wild cards he didn't know anything about before.

Even though Law protests his submarine isn't samurais garrison, it's pretty clear who samurais themselves think runs their plan in reality. And worthy to notice here: Law no longer calls Kinemon by his full name. It's "Kin" from now on. And how many people did we ever see Law using such an affectionate name for before? With him you're either "something-ya" or a full name basis. Kin is literally the only exception. You can't see it as anything else but affectionate. Throughout Wano they became really close friends.

And of course Law saves Kinemon's skin by coming up with a backup plan on the fly and even decides he will carry the samurais to the back entrance of the island on his submarine. He also allows Kinemon to take the full credit, not really expecting any gratitude. He just sits there in the background, letting others take the spotlight.

And this is a good moment to remind us of what Sengoku told Law about love. It should be unconditional, which means you don't expect anything in return for your help. Law usually operates on "favour for a favour" basis or impersonal alliance level. But in this "alliance" he doesn't even want the credit, doesn't expect anything in return, and breaks his own rule of not calling people in affectionate ways. And does he even get anything for himself from this alliance besides the rise in his own bounty?

Imo there's only one possible conclusion here: Law accepted the condition of the alliance Luffy set up all the way back in Zou, it's supposed to be a friendship. Law indeed fullfilled that condition, he truly became friends with Kin. Of course he still wouldn't admit openly that they're friends, but like always with Law, we need to actually look at his actions and subtext. This friendship wouldn't have happened if friendship with Luffy didn't happen first! After the raid Law doesn't stay at the shogun's palace and instead stays with the ships at the port, but I bet you anything Kinemon ran to him at least once to tell him how grateful he was for his help.

So that's one confirmed friendship of Law we see in the series (besides the one he has with Luffy, but I elaborated on that one all the way back in part 2). The other friendships we can see in the series is that with Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, and Wolf in Law's novel. We know that Law created Hearts Pirates together with them, he doesn't consider Hearts to be his own creation, it's theirs as much as it's Law's. That friendship started off on a sour ground, Penguin and Shachi were bullying Bepo and Law saved him. But they quickly became friends and Law's strength and attitude earned their deepest respect. Penguin and Shachi sometimes allow themselves very cheeky comments ("Captain! You're so sexy now!"), they're also slightly older than him, but despite that they have really big respect for Law and always listen to him, despite sometimes complaining ("Captain got carried away" or "stop him Bepo!!"). They know each other well and as teens they spent a lot of late nights just talking together. They would sacrifice their lives for Law and Law would do the same for them, but he's also not beyond sending them to safety instead and taking all the risk on himself. They often shower Law in compliments, almost like they know he has low self-esteem, but then they know him for 13 years already, of course they would be best friends at this point and know that stuff about him (about his touching trauma probably as well).

Bepo is the only one privileaged with any physical affection, he is Law's safe haven, the last one he allowed himself to keep. The main Hearts also know of Law's past and his full name, as well as the fact he is a D. Of course they also started doing those silly power rangers-like poses when Law introduces his crew and I bet you anything it's a nod to Sora Warrior of the Sea. They're all fanboying the comics together. Law is probably slightly more affectionate with his Hearts than anyone else (which in this case means he allows himself to be a bit more open, but he still keeps some distance from them), but we can see he still acts like a leader for them, trying his best to earn the respect he received. But we also see him worrying about Bepo a lot in Wano when the mink ate a poisoned fish. He almost threw his own raid plan out of the window just because Bepo asked to not leave him alone; clearly they are his firstmost priority. Too bad we don't have that many of their interactions to analyze.

And then we have his friendship with the old man Wolf, inventor from North Blue, who took Law in (spoilers ahead for Law's novel!). At first their relations are mostly "favour for a favour" kind, something that Law knows well because he tends to operate on same basis. So, Law is allowed to stay at Wolf's place if he finds a job and helps with chores and testing the inventions. They take turns preparing the meals. Everything changes when Wolf has an unfortunate accident and Law saves his life. Wolf then asks for a friendship and Law thinks to himself that he can't really refuse a request from someone who doesn't usually do "friendships", he feels honoured with that trust. Wolf still acts as their mentor but it feels more like they became a family. Law is very grateful to Wolf for standing in defense of Penguin and Shachi. Wolf is also the one who teaches young Law how to be a captain and puts it into his head that he needs to take responsibility at all times. In general Wolf acts rather cold and rough, but always shows a kind heart when any of them needs it, and I bet Law took on his habits because that feels a lot like how Law himself acts on many occassions.

Wolf definitely became some sort of a rolemodel for him, but there were also few occassions when Law allowed himself to say some really spoiled and cheeky things to him (like: you do the dishes from now on). Law also helps Wolf make a tough decision: to resign from taking responsibility for his son's actions and not to kill him with his own hands, he literally stops his effort by saying "Family shouldn't kill each other". At the end Wolf gives them a partying gift: a yellow submarine, and encourages Law to go out to seas to look for freedom and experience life as he wants. Even 3 years later both of them think of each other fondly, implying that maybe one day Heart Pirates will return to share stories about their adventures.

That's all the canon provides us. Law generally keeps to himself, but in Law's novel he doesn't seem to have any problem to make friendships, every person he saves becomes eventually his friend, which really gives one more argument that there's no way Luffy would be the exception to that rule. But it becomes clear that the older Law gets the more reserved he becomes and doesn't seek out friendships. He probably wouldn't have perceived Kinemon as his friend if not for the condition of the alliance Luffy applied. And this begs to ask about the elephant in the room: why? Why is he that reserved and why did he allow himself to accept Kinemon as friend in the end? I think he felt it's okay to become friends with Kinemon, because he's a samurai thrugh and through. Even if they win and Kin lives, Law would leave Wano and probably never see him again. I guess that made the decision easier on him to some degree.

I have some ideas about possible reasons why Law avoids any new friendships or affectionate bonds with people and instead tries as much as he can to keep it impersonal. He clearly can be a caring and dedicated friend and I don't think his trauma is the only reason why he avoids people. Because there's no reason anymore (after defeating Doffy and Kaido) to not openly admit he made new friends. I will take a closer look at his possible reasons in the next post.

[scribephoenixwriting]

Bob Reynolds Character analysis: Ever The Void, once more The Sentry.

After Thunderbolts* I read every major Sentry comic to get a better feel for the character and to see what aspects were adapted well. He's cool. He's terrifying, tragic, and beautiful. But also, he's never written consistently, which means he's always changing.

I'm going to run through all his major appearances here and piece together a picture of his psyche, back to front. This will include some very polarized characterization that I intend to make sense of, so a bit of it is headcanon, but MOST of it is textual.

We are introduced to Bob Reynolds in Sentry Volume 1 from 2000. There was some marketing stuff regarding him being a Stan Lee character but I'm not going to get into that right now.

As a young man, Bob Reynolds discovers the professors formula and becomes the Sentry! With the power of a million exploding suns, he'll stop evil when he sees it and protect the innocent. Bob is introduced as an ideal hero who has been forgotten by the modern age. He knew the x-men, spider-man, and could pacify the hulk. Sentry #1-6, his crossovers, and Sentry Vs The Void make up this original arc, its a mystery. Robert must find out why the world forgot one of their greatest heroes before the void returns and destroys them all.

This mini-series establishes a lot of key concepts. Rob is an addict struggling with his mental health. The void is a part of him. He knows everybody. He is the best of them. I think the most important thing here is the fact that he was forgotten. Sentry and Void's dynamics are explored further much later.

Sentry, a hero that always swoops in at the nick of time, someone that we can all rely on, is showing cracks. He's slipping, his sanity is questioned all throughout. The serum is synonymous with drug abuse, the sentry is the high, and the void are the lows. There is intervention imagery present, where the avengers tell him to stop being the sentry, and in some ways, Bob feels betrayed by this.

Bob has been positioned as a kind of linchpin for other heroes, someone they can always rely on. When the truth comes out; The void IS the sentry, they don't comfort or help him. The void is simply too dangerous, so they must simply forget him.

I think this is the tragedy that gets less attention. Yes, its sad that you must be forgotten by everyone, even yourself, but to me, the sadder thing is why.

It is far easier for the world to forget about Bob than it is for the world to fight his darkness. The void's rampage could kill millions, so its not like you can exactly fault Reed for it, but ultimately, being forgotten is synonymous with deeming Bob a lost cause, no matter the good he's done. In order for the memory loss to work, the avengers must brand him as a traitor to the public, so they want to forget him. Even if the truth is different, even if people remember him, they'll only see him as a junkie who betrayed the side of good.

The Sentry has done unquantifiable good for the world, he always saved the heroes in the nick of time, but when it comes time for someone to save Bob, to help him with his issues, they abandon him once more. Its worth noting that Bob, Sentry, and Void are all the same person, so the feelings of one can be seen in some ways as the subconscious feelings of the other. Even though it was necessary, on some levels, Bob did see this as a kind of betrayal.

In order to stop the Void, he agrees to go away again, to be forgotten by the public once more and go back to his life as Bob the nut. He woke up in the middle of the night, certain that The void would return, he gathered his friends together, and they couldn't fight it with him.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to come back,"

A man struggling with his mental health has reached out to his friends after a long time of substance abuse. He asks them to help him fight the darkness within, but they can't. They just can't. So he has to go away. Bob has burdened them. His burdens are far too great for them to bear. He's sorry for coming back into their lives as if it was his fault.

It isn't your fault, Bob.

New Avengers 2004! A group of super-heroes are caught amidst a super-villain prison break. In this prison, tucked away in a solitary cell, is none other than the Sentry himself. (Notice that he's still in costume?)

They fight off all they can, but when attacked by Carnage, they start losing. Suddenly, Sentry leaves his cell and defends our heroes.

In a moment of weakness, Bob pulls the "Tear him in half" gambit to great success. To Bob, this might as well be a relapse, so immediately after, he runs away.

Since his wife's death, he's sworn to never become the Sentry again. He's happy to punish himself forever if it means keeping people safe. However, the avengers find him and finally they HELP HIM!!!!!. Emma Frost helps him past his mental block and helps him regain control of his own psyche. No more forgetting, not anymore.

Bob still has issues, but previously he'd been stuck in a loop of returning, then forcing the world to forget him with his own psychic powers. Breaking this loop is like Bob finally reaching out for real. He's trying to stay in other peoples lives again. As such, the real return of the sentry isn't an enigmatic figure flying into space and tearing someone to pieces. Its heroic and beautiful.

At this point, Iron man is in Bobs corner quite consistently. He lets Bob set up on top of avengers tower, he supports him, he advocates for him. This makes sense given Tony's history as an alcoholic.

Finally, things are looking up for Bob. The avengers are helping him, and Lindy is alive!

Poor Lindy. Turns out she's not dead. She won't be. Not ever. For now, its a mystery why she's alive, presumed to have died either during the original mini series or sometime after. Eventually we'll find out.

Lindy and Tony act as (as far as I can tell) Bob and Sentry's main friends. Lindy is Bob's wife, she keeps him human. Iron man is Sentry's colleague, he keeps him good. I wonder what would happen if either of these two were removed from the picture. Hmm. Anyway.

After New Avengers 1-10 (2004), Bob gets his own Mini: Sentry Vol. 2 (2005).

Sentry Vol. 2 is all about Sentry and the Void. Bob is working around the clock, second to second, to save as many lives as he physically can at all times. He has little time for Lindy. He has only minutes a day for therapy, and he has the Void locked in his basement.

Except... he doesn't. The Sentry isn't in control. In fact, we learn towards the end of this Mini that these personas Bob has are essentially reactions to himself. When he drank the Golden Serum to get high, he became the void first. This is his self-hatred, his disappointment, and his anger at the world given the power of a million exploding suns.

The Void is the "Real" Bob, and the Sentry is his guilt, an unstoppable force that will make up for the Void's evil and fight him back at every turn. Bob goes into his basement every night to berate himself (The Void) in the mirror to make himself feel better. The most powerful superhero on the planet is a coping mechanism for Bob's self-disgust.

And this tracks. C.L.O.C., his personal assistant computer... thing... is programmed to always tell him who he needs to save next. Every second of every day is spent flying to disasters and swooping in, just like he used to. This is heroic, sure, but its also a punishment. No life. No wife. No fun. Go to the other side of the planet or people die. No breaks.

Sentry must spend every second of his existence making up for Bob's failure as a human being. Bob wants to be a better man, but he doesn't believe he's a good person, and he especially doesn't believe he's worthy of the power he has. When Bob realizes that Sentry is essentially just a reaction to his own guilt, he tries to kill the void.

And yeah. Big gay kiss. The Void is all of Bob's ugliness personified, and Bob knows that the Sentry is a high he's constantly chasing. He loves that power, but he knows how pathetic that is, so the Void adores the Sentry.

And here, the Void is making a good point. Bob can't stand himself. His addictions, his flaws, his schizophrenia, his agoraphobia. He hates them, despite being part of him, so he tries to kill them over and over and over again to no avail. His guilt prevents him from ever forgiving himself. The Sentry will always fight the Void and Bob will never have the chance to heal.

I'll continue this analysis in another post. I've got a lot more, but there's a limit on images I can attach.

Next up: Civil War, The Mighty Avengers, and World War Hulk.

[nayeoniiz]

INFATUATED (1)

pairings ❥ jungwon x fem!reader

genre ❥ angst, smut

point of view ❥ third person, omniscient

synopsis ❥ y/n was just a young woman from new york, who thought she struck gold when meets and marries jungwon, the son of one of the biggest chaebols, and gets to live out her trophy wife dreams. but once the news reaches south korea, her fairytale is under threat as his parents set out for brooklyn to get their marriage annulled.

warnings ❥ maybe drinking smoking?

word count ❥ 5,516

taglist: @cristy-101 @nyxtwixx @elairah @meowwwon (just comment!)

author’s note: sorry for the wait, yall. i’ve been so exhausted with work & there’s just a lot of stuff going on in my life so i haven’t really been thinking about writing in a while. i hope yall enjoy the first chapter to this story, because it’s only gonna get better from here! also check out my collaboration story with @cinnawonbabe i will be posting chapter 2 in a little bit!

NOT PROOFREAD PLS IGNORE ANY TYPOS. i will be editing this later to add italics and such for language switches but i gotta get this posted asap before i forget again!

masterlist | chapter 2

the nightclub was bursting with a pulsing, chaotic array of energy. led lights danced across the smoky air in hypnotic patterns of reds, greens, yellows, and blues, blending into a kaleidoscope that matched the energy of the scene.

the bass throbbed through the floors, setting the tempo for the night. on the main stage, dancers moved with practiced grace, their silhouettes outlined by the flickering lights. each step was a promise of seduction, every sway an invitation to lose oneself in the night.

in the dressing room at the back of the club, y/n sat before the mirror, her gaze sharp as she studied her reflection. the air was thick with the artificial scent of hairspray and the sweet, lingering vapor from the geek bar she delicately held between her fingers. she exhaled slowly, the mist dissipating into the dim light while her eyes scanned the image before her—her face, her body, every detail framed by the soft glow of the bulbs.

she wasn’t just looking at herself. she was assessing her creation, the flawless work of art she had become. every stroke of blush, every shimmer of highlighter, the perfectly placed strands of hair, they were all tools of trade. her appearance wasn’t an afterthought; it was the performance, the persona, her money maker.

contrary to popular belief, even her clothes weren’t as important as her face was, albeit being a great boost. she’d learned this concept from her boss, mark, when she was just starting out 2 years prior: “i need your face to look so good, that you could walk out in nothing but a potato sack and still make heads turn.”

to this day, his words had stuck with her. and with the way she was his highest earning employee, every night without fail, she could truly care less about how anything else looked. the black bodycon two piece she wore clung to her like a second skin. the halter-style top was held together by 2 star shaped metallic clasps, revealing tantalizing cutouts across the torso. the shorts mirrored the same vibe, with a clasp drawing the eye to a small peekaboo opening. it was simple, but sexy in a teasing way, covering all the vitals, but showing just enough skin to draw attention.

she crossed her legs, the tap of her vape against the table synced with the distant hum of music just beyond the walls. she inhaled deeply, a smirk curling her lips. when she stepped out of this room, she wouldn’t be y/n. she would be crystal sin, every man’s guilty pleasure, obsession, and unattainable dream.

letting out a sigh, she tilted her head, part pout, part smile as she wondered why she was so pretty. she was grateful but unsure. it felt like her beauty was the only redeeming quality about her because in all honesty, y/n wasn’t sure if she could truly consider herself a good person. her personality wasn’t ideal— she wasn’t the “girl’s girl” type and often butted heads with the others. all she really cared about was making money. and that meant by any means, regardless of who she had to betray to do so.

amidst her thoughts, the dressing room door burst open with a loud thump banging against the wall, a sound that made everyone’s head turn. there, yunjin stormed in, her footsteps heavy with anger. each one thudded against the floor like a warning. her eyes burned with fury, her jaw was tight as she closed the distance between herself and y/n, who sat still with an air of calm detachment.

“y/n,” yunjin spat, her voice sharp and venomous.

y/n didn’t flinch. she turned her head slowly, meeting yujin’s glare with a cool, collected expression. her reaction, or lack thereof, was almost surreal, a complete opposite to yunjin’s. y/n already knew where this was headed, but she just couldn’t bring herself to care.

“wassup?” y/n replied, her tone almost bored.

yujin’s nostrils flared as she leaned closer. “did yeonjun come here the other night?” she questioned, her voice low but brimming with accusation.

y/n fought the urge to roll her eyes, a flicker of amusement lighting up her features. “yeah,” she said flatly, as if the question wasn’t worth her energy.

yujin’s fists clenched as she let out a sharp exhale. “and did you dance for him?” she pressed, her voice elevating.

y/n leaned back slightly, her fingers tapping her vape against the table. she tilted her head, feigning innocence. “yeah?” she replied, her tone so nonchalant it was almost mocking.

the truth was, yeonjun had been one of her biggest tippers that night. his attention—and his wallet—had followed her every move. if he hadn’t been so generous, y/n might not have even remembered him. but she did. again, it was never personal. business is business, and yujin’s fling could never be worth her time beyond that.

yujin’s jaw tightened as she inched closer, daring y/n to flinch. but y/n only stayed cool, her lips curling into a half-smile that was more amused than intimidated. “what?” she said lightly, her voice laced with quiet laughter.

yujin’s eyes narrowed, her expression flickering between rage and disbelief. she was torn between trying to decide if she should let her emotions take over and actually do something about this, or if she should take the high road and just let it go.

for a moment, y/n thought the girl might actually throw a punch. but instead, yunjin straightened herself up, and without another word, she spun on her heel with heavy footsteps as she stormed further back, going into the locker room.

y/n chuckled softly, shaking her head. “girl, get over it. it’s not that deep,” she muttered, rolling her eyes before turning back to the mirror. she glanced at her best friend, destiny, and they both laughed.

“what a bitch,” destiny said, leaning back in her chair with a smirk, her tone dripping with amusement as she carefully adjusted her lashes.

y/n snorted, leaning forward to swipe on more lip gloss. “don’t be mad at me. you should be mad at your dude,” she said, dragging out the last word with a teasing smirk. the girl couldn’t help but laugh, in all honesty, the whole thing was a joke to her.

destiny’s grin widened as she glanced over. “right? her man’s the one out here throwing bands like it’s vegas, so why is she mad at you?” she shifted her focus back to the mirror, slowly dragging the wand of her mascara through her lashes.

“exactly,” y/n replied, with a sigh. “its not like i told yeonjun to make it rain. i just did my job.” her attention briefly drifted to her phone as she scrolled lazily on instagram, taking another brief hit from her vape.

destiny let out a low chuckle, shaking her head as she capped her mascara. “and you must’ve done it too damn well. she’s over here fighting for a man who doesn’t even respect her. embarrassing.” she said it so lightheartedly, the truth landing with a casual finality.

y/n raised an eyebrow, her reflection meeting destiny’s in the mirror. she bit back a smirk. “if anything, she should be thanking me for keeping it professional. i could’ve done more if i wanted to.” her voice dipped slightly, a subtle edge of suggestion in her tone, not because she cared but because she knew the idea alone would make yunjin go feral.

“period,” destiny said, snapping her fingers in agreement. she swiveled slightly in her chair, “but nah, she just needs someone to blame for her man’s wandering eyes. like, girl, that’s a you problem.”

“it really is,” y/n said with a shrug, stretching her legs out and crossing them at the ankles. she tapped her heel rhythmically against the chair leg. “besides, if your boyfriend’s my top tipper, maybe the real question is why you’re not the one out here getting all his money.”

destiny burst into laughter, her glossy lips parting as she leaned back, clutching her stomach. “stop! you’re so mean! but for real, she better figure her shit out. no one needs her drama here.” (lisa if there’s a better response for me to put here lmk)

y/n smirked, flipping her hair over her shoulder with careless confidence. “man, she can come at me all she wants. i’ll just keep smiling while her man pays my bills.”

“and that’s why you’re the baddest,” destiny said, turning back to her mirror to inspect her reflection once more.

mark was the second one to barge into the room, a clipboard clutched in his hand like it was an extension of himself. he was a man on a mission as he stormed through the room, his eyes scanning the space with laser focus. when his gaze locked on y/n, his shoulders eased just enough to show he’d found what he was looking for. he tucked the clipboard under his arm and bellowed over the bass of the music, his voice rough with impatience. “scratch the dance, toots. we’ve got a custo asking for a korean speaker.”

y/n frowned, her confusion quickly giving way to irritation. “but you promised me the pole tonight!” she whined, flinging her arms in a dramatic display of resistance. but mark didn’t seem phased in the slightest, his tone remained firmly in command.

“yeah, and now you’re doing bottle service,” he replied bluntly, “you look ready already, so let’s go. hurry up.” he waved his hand dismissively, leaving no room for negotiation.

“do i have to?” y/n groaned, dragging out the words like a petulant child as her glare followed him across the room.

mark, already making his way toward the door, didn’t break stride. “if you like having a job, yes. you want money, don’t you? he’s a spender!” he paused in the doorway, turning back for one last jab, his voice cutting through the air. “i’ll only wait five minutes. if you’re late, just clock out for the night—and don’t bother showing your ass back here tomorrow.”

y/n huffed, muttering a sarcastic, “yes, sir,” under her breath and as soon as the door closed behind him, she threw her head back with another groan, kicking her feet against the floor in a bratty outburst. “he’s so fucking annoying,” she said, her voice drenched in irritation as she vented to destiny, who was now taking selfies. “he’s lucky i like making money. but to demote me for the night? he’s crazy.”

before destiny could respond, a sharp voice cut through the air. “get him to a private room then. since you’re so good at your job, right?” yunjin’s words came from across the room, her tone biting as she adjusted her neckline in the mirror. both destiny and y/n’s turned towards each other sharing a concerned look that clearly reflected the same question: when did she even get back in here?

yujin’s word hung in the air, like a gun aimed and pointed at y/n’s temple, a test daring her to rebuttal. y/n rolled her eyes so hard it was a wonder they didn’t get stuck. she let out a huff, clearly unimpressed. “shut up, bitch,” she shot back, her voice thick with irritation.

“skank.”

“oh yeah, i’m so skanky,” y/n drawled, her voice laced with mockery, a laugh almost slipping out. “your boytoy must’ve loved it, huh.”

yunjin stiffened, her eyes narrowing as she met y/n’s gaze in the mirror her lips curling slightly in irritation, but she kept her composure. “i don’t have time for you tonight,” yunjin said, her voice cold and clipped before strutting out once again, this time her head high and her back straight with forced dignity.

y/n smirked to herself, adjusting her outfit and running her fingers through her hair. she knew she’d hit a nerve. “yeah. that’s what i thought, bitch,” she yelled after her, adjusting the strap on her hips before she stood to step into the chaos of the club.

as she walked, she shook her head, ridding herself of the remaining tension of the situation. once she was in her element, the noise, the lights, the crowd— it wouldn’t matter anyways. this was nothing more than an occupation. and she wasn’t about to let anything or anyone get in the way of her money.

y/n walked over to mark once she spotted him, the sharp click of her heels nearly cutting through the noise of the room. as she approached, she caught his eyes flickering over her, sizing her up from head to toe. his nod of approval was tight-lipped. “i know you haven’t waited tables in a while, but trust me. you’ll be fine, just do what you do best,” mark said, his voice firm but not unkind.

y/n gave a slight roll of her eyes, brushing off his attempt at reassurance. “yeah, yeah. this better be worth it,” she muttered, her tone dripping with sarcasm. still, she followed him, already shifting her mindset to the grind of the night.

as they neared the table, her eyes locked onto the first young man she saw seated there. her jaw almost dropped in awe. he was stunning. he wore a sleek black jacket that added a sharp, sophisticated edge to his otherwise effortless look. beneath it, his style was polished and minimalist, a combination of youthful energy and quiet maturity.

his blonde hair framed his face in a way that softened his sharp features, the contrast highlighting his jawline and cheekbones under the dim club lights. he looked like the kind of man who could run a boardroom in the morning and dominate a dance floor by night—the perfect blend of business and pleasure.

leaning back in the booth, he had one arm draped over the cushion behind him as he talked to his friend. he exuded an aura of relaxed confidence. he wasn’t trying to be noticed, yet somehow, he commanded the room’s attention effortlessly. and every so often, the light caught the curve of his jaw, giving him an almost ethereal look. a calm smile played at his lips, giving off a sense of mystery and ease.

y/n couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes followed her as she approached, dark and unreadable but brimming with intent. his posture shifted, ever so slightly, the kind of adjustment that only someone attuned to body language would catch. you didn’t need to be a mind reader to know he was assessing her just as much as she was assessing him. there was tension in the air now, something palpable, a charge that made the noise of the club feel distant.

“hey guys, this is the beautiful y/n i was telling you about,” mark said, his voice smooth and rich with just the right touch of playfulness. he motioned toward her with a casual wave of his hand, like he was presenting her to his friends as part of an elaborate show. “she’s gonna take care of everything you need tonight.”

y/n’s smile came naturally, a practiced move that exhibited her charm seamlessly. “pleasure to meet you,” she said, her voice light but carrying a hint of intrigue. she gave a small wave, her eyes lingering on him just a second too long. without thinking, she threw in a playful wink, though she wasn’t sure if he caught it—or if he was just pretending not to.

“y/n,” he murmured, her name rolling off his tongue making it felt like the word held more weight than just her name. the way he said it sent a ripple of awareness through her. she smiled again, this time slower, more suggestive, her lips curving in a way that felt like both an invitation and a challenge.

from the corner of her eye, she caught mark watching the interaction. he gave her a subtle thumbs-up, his expression unreadable but carrying an unspoken message: don’t screw this up. “make me proud,” he said simply before disappearing into the crowd, leaving her alone at the table.

as the club’s noise swirled around them, the energy at the table shifted—it felt heavier. she’d never been physically attracted to a customer before. that’s what made it so easy; she always knew how to play pretend. but now, she wasn’t sure how to navigate something that felt… real.

“hi,” y/n spoke again, the word coming out more tune like. jungwon’s eyes stayed on her as she sat beside him, his gaze filled with more than curiosity. her scent, sweet and intoxicating, wrapped around him, clouding his senses. he couldn’t focus on anything but her, his thoughts a tangled mess. for a moment, it felt like everything he thought he knew about confidence and conversation had slipped away.

“hi, i—yeah,” he muttered, heat rising to his face. finally, the words tumbled out, low and sincere. “you’re very beautiful.” his eyes traced her silhouette, and for a fleeting second, y/n noticed the hunger behind them.

“thank you, you’re very beautiful yourself,” her soft laugh filled the air between them, her lips curving into a teasing smile. the way she reactedㅡ her confidence, so effortless and undeniable, only made him feel more disoriented.

“i’m, uh—jungwon, but everyone just calls me wonnie,” he said, his voice even quieter now, almost shy. his eyes never left hers. no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t tear his gaze away. every detail about her—the curve of her lips, the way her hair framed her face, even the sparkle in her eyes, pulled him in.

“wonnie, okay, it’s nice to meet you,” she responded with a warm smile, her eyes briefly flicking to the man across the table. jungwon noticed the glance and mentally facepalmed. just a few minutes in her presence, and it felt like he’d forgotten the world around them entirely.

“and this is my best friend, jay,” jungwon continued, gesturing toward him. jay extended his hand, and y/n shook it with the same poise as she met his gaze.

“hi jay, nice to meet you,” she said smoothly. even jay couldn’t help but admire the effortless ease with which she carried herself.

jungwon’s voice, tinged with curiosity, brought her attention back to him. “i heard you speak korean, right?” he switched languages mid-conversation, testing the waters to understand where they stood in terms of communication. his eyes locked onto hers, waiting for her reaction.

she understood perfectly, of course, but shook her head. “well, no. i don’t speak korean, but i understand it,” she said with a nervous laugh, her tone light but carrying a hint of uncertainty.

jungwon frowned, confused. why would mark bring her if she didn’t meet the requirements? and how could she respond to korean if she didn’t speak it? how could she understand without being able to speak it back? it made no sense to him.

“what do you mean?” he pressed.

“i can speak it, but i prefer not to,” she explained, her eyes sparkling with a hint of playfulness. “but you can speak korean. i’ll understand.” she couldn’t outright admit her insecurity about her accent—it felt silly. being born and raised in new york, korean wasn’t something she used in her daily life, and the skill had slowly begun to wither away.

“i don’t understand,” jungwon tilted his head, still confused. “so you do speak- or you don’t?”

“i mean… i guess i can speak it for you,” she sighed, closing her eyes briefly to collect herself. “hello, jungwon. my name is y/n. this is how i sound in korean. are you sure you want me to continue?”

his expression softened as a smile spread across his face. he let out a laugh, clapping his hands in delight. his earlier frustration melted away, replaced with relief.

her laugh was soft, almost nervous, as she hid her insecurities behind a playful pout. “see? my accent is so bad!”

“no, no, it’s really good,” he said, switching back to english. his face lit up, and something about him shifted. the earlier shyness faded, replaced with an ease that seemed to come from the ability to switch between languages.

“i disagree, but thank you,” she said with a soft chuckle, leaning forward when she noticed the way he kept sneaking glances at her.

“how do you know korean?” he asked, leaning closer. his arm rested lightly around her waist as he toyed with his weed pen. taking a slow drag, he exhaled the smoke to the side, his eyes still locked on hers.

she didn’t mind, though. it wasn’t often that she actually wanted a man to get closer. “i went to an international school,” she explained lightly. “my grandma insisted i learn as many languages as possible.” her voice softened with fondness at the memory, and jungwon nodded, genuinely intrigued.

“but enough about me,” she said, steering the conversation back. “you two are from korea? are you on vacation or…?” her voice trailed off, hesitant yet curious, trying not to overstep.

“yeah, something like that,” jungwon replied with a grin. “but… do you mind if i switch back to korean?” he asked, mid-sentence, struggling to find the right english words.

“ i don’t mind!” she answered quickly, leaning closer.

“yes, because my english is terrible,” he admitted with a laugh. his doe eyes locked onto hers with a gleam she couldn’t quite place.

“no, it’s really good,” she reassured him, her smile warm and genuine. for a moment, they just stared at each other, the club’s music filling what would have otherwise been silence.

“well anyway,” he said, clearing his throat and reaching for his drink, his tone suddenly more serious. “i want to make a toast—to our terrible accents. with… a bottle?”

y/n’s ears perked up, his invitation was impossible to ignore. leaning in closer, her voice dropped to a sultry whisper. “yeah? and you wanna go to a VIP room, maybe?” her words were teasing, her smile all too knowing.

regardless of the attraction, this was business. mark had told her jungwon was a spender, and she wasn’t about to miss her shot at securing her spot as top earner. if her attraction made the job easier, so be it.

jungwon’s eyes widened in surprise before darkening with anticipation. he’d forgotten how intimate things could get at clubs. alone time with someone as sexy as y/n didn’t seem like a bad idea. “yeah, excellent. i want!” he exclaimed, his voice brimming with excitement.

without hesitation, y/n stood up and reached for his hand, her fingers curling around his with just enough firmness to guide him through the crowd. the ambience of the club seemed to fade as she led him away from the main area, pulling him toward the back. the air between them felt charged. every step they took was heavy with the promise of something unspoken, yet thrilling.

the vibrant, chaotic lights from the front gave way to softer, deeper reds and purples, casting an intimate, sensual glow over everything. the crowd of drunken bodies blurred into the background as they weaved through, their movements naturally in sync, the pull between them undeniable.

as they entered the secluded area, the music pulsed with a hypnotic rhythm that matched the tension building between them. the bass thrummed softly through the floor, and the dim purple light played across the room, casting shadows that highlighted every inch and curve of y/n’s figure.

she turned to face him, her back arching slightly as she stood in the center of the space. her body swayed in rhythm with the music, and she let her hips move in slow circles as the fabric of her skirt shifted higher to reveal her gold lace thong. and with each motion, the shimmer of the material caught the light, adding to the allure of her movements. she could feel his eyes locked on her, the intensity of his gaze making the space between them feel heavy with anticipation, his mouth slightly parted in awe.

she took a step closer to him, her fingers brushing against his chest as she leaned in just enough to tease, her breath warm against his ear. the scent of her perfume lingered in the air, mixing with the soft scent of the smoky, intimate space they occupied.

without breaking eye contact, she lifted her arms and removed her clothes to reveal her slutty golden threads disguised as a bikini, guiding his hands to her waist, and slowly, she began to move again. now her body pressed against his, grinding to the tempo of the song in the background. with each twist of her hips, each roll of her body, she made sure to leave him wanting more. the space between them grew smaller with every movement.

his hands slid around her back to her ass, pulling her closer, his touch was firm yet gentle as they both leaned into the rhythm of the song. the music seemed to fade away as their focus zoomed entirely in on each other. jungwon couldn’t hold back the smile forming on his lips, the admiration clear in his eyes as he looked up at her. “you’re very good, really,” he said breathily, a moan almost escaping his lips. he fumbled with his wallet, taking out his hundreds to put along the hem of her thong. “and one more..”

“mmm, thank you,” she ran her hands up his chest, trailing her fingertips lightly over the fabric of his shirt, feeling the muscles beneath. her body moved in a fluid, unhurried way.

y/n couldn’t deny it—she was really getting into it now. pulling away, she bit her lip as she stood. noticing the way his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, though the smile never left his lips, “where are you going?” he asked.

“oh, i’m not going anywhere,” she replied, her teasing tone making his dick jump. kneeling in front of him, she looked up and batted her eyelashes. “can you sit on your hands for me?”

“what?”

“hands under your legs?”

“like this?” he asked, lifting himself to place his hands flat on the couch under his thighs. she nodded and got up again.

“this is not allowed, but i like you so,” in a swift motion she turned around, her ass now the main focus in his gaze as she pulled her panties down agonizingly slow. she lowered herself on top of his lap and started grinding slowly against his erection, a sense of pride growing from the way he immediately whimpered out a moan as he threw his head back. “god bless america.”

——————————

jungwon raised his shot glass, a playful grin lighting up his face. “here’s to hard dicks and lots of money.”

y/n smiled, lifting her own glass. they wrapped their arms around each other, intertwining to seal the toast. the moment felt oddly intimate despite the chaos of the club around them.

“cheers,” she said softly, her voice barely audible over the music, and they downed their shots in perfect sync. the sharp burn of alcohol spread throughout their chests, but neither seemed to mind as their eyes met over the rims of their empty glasses.

setting his glass down, jungwon leaned in, his voice low as if afraid someone might overhear. “i want to ask… do you work outside this club?”

she paused, caught off guard by the question—not because she hadn’t heard it before, but something about the way he asked felt different. maybe it was the look in his eyes or the way his cologne lingered in her nostrils just a little too long. whatever it was, it made her want to answer differently, made her consider breaking a rule she’d never bent for anyone before.

she leaned in just enough so that her lips were at his ear, her voice only loud enough to cut through the music, she said, “give me your phone.”

he wasted no time fishing it out of his pocket and handed it to her without a word. she quickly typed her number, adding a heart and heel emoji next to her name before sliding the phone back into his hand.

“there,” she said with a teasing smile, watching as he looked down at the screen, a grin spreading across his face. “don’t lose it.”

——————————

the train ride back home, was a struggle for y/n. she could barely keep her eyes open. she’d been awake for almost 24 hours and by now, she could feel the exhaustion deep in her bones. the remnants of the night lingered like a haze but she couldn’t afford to fall asleep, the fear of missing her stop made her pulse quicken, so she clung to the music playing in her ears, letting the beat try to keep her alert but it wasn’t enough to drown out the heavy exhaustion weighing on her. her body ached for rest.

as soon as she stumbled into her apartment, she was almost too tired to even take off her shoes. she dragged herself to the bathroom and stripped for a quick shower, the hot water hitting her skin like a shock. it didn’t help much, but it was the only thing that could force her into some semblance of alertness.

after quickly washing off the night, she collapsed onto her bed, burying herself under the sheets. she didn’t even bother to put any clothes on, the towel would just have to suffice for the night. the moment her head hit the pillow, sleep overtook her with such intensity as her mind and body faded into the blackness of sleep.

——————————

“yo.” it felt like she had only just closed her eyes when the sound of her sister’s voice shattered the quiet in her room. “yo!” y/n groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as the sound grew louder. “did you pick up milk?”

y/n barely stirred, her voice thick with frustration as she rubbed her eyes and squinted at her sister. “do you see milk in the fridge?” she asked, deadpanning as she barely lifted her head off the pillow to meet her sister’s gaze.

“no?”

“then i didn’t pick up the fucking milk,” y/n snapped, as if the answer was so painfully obvious.

a beat of silence passed before her sister rolled her eyes, the annoyance radiating off of her. “wonderful, thank you,” she said before walking out of the room, the sharp snap of the wooden pieces connecting making y/n flinch, but it wasn’t enough to shake her from the exhaustion that still clung to her like a second skin.

she let out a low groan, pulling the blankets over her head, trying to escape the reality of the morning and shut out the unrelenting sunlight seeping through the thinness of the fabric. sadly, the one thing she craved wouldn't come. she tossed and turned, trying to will herself back into slumber, all of her movements working to no avail as she only grew more and more awake.

with an exasperated sigh, she threw off the covers and dragged herself out of bed. the cold air outside her room felt like a slap to the face, but it was grounding. she didn’t want to get up. hell, she didn’t want to be anywhere but in bed. but there was no use lying there when she could make something of the day, even if she was running on less than five hours of sleep.

she pulled on an old blue hoodie that displayed itself as moreso a greyish green color, and some loose sweats that played peekaboo through its holes and tears. she barely paid attention to what she was wearing as she made her way to the porch. the fresh air was a calming touch to her senses, grounding her in a way she hadn’t realized she needed.

she reached in her pocket, pulling out a pack of malboro. she brought the orange end to her lips and lit it as she drew in a long, steady breath, letting the smoke fill her lungs. the sharp sting of the nicotine was like a kick to her system. she leaned against the railing, staring out at the street below. the city felt alive, even if it was still early and the streets weren’t at their fullest occupancy. the only sounds were the soft chirping of birds perched on the power lines and the distant hum of car engines. everything felt a little too calm, a little too still.

and for a moment, she was lost in thought, letting the weight of the past few hours catch up with her. she didn’t even notice the vibration in her pocket until it buzzed a second time, and then a third before it finally pulled her back to reality. she glanced at her phone and felt her heart stutter when she saw the message.

come over?

x sent $800

x has started sharing his location

masterlist | chapter 2

[bendyartistic]

Be Aware of alexbstudios. (Part 2) TW: uh.. slur, sui mention.

Recently I've been requested by some people to make another awareness post about Alex, and what has been going on since I made my last callout. So.. let's take a look. I'm gonna be honest I have been paying little to no attention to him at all since my post up until this point, didn't think I'd have to.

Ever since I made it, Alex has been talking about me a lot more, and it feels much more obsessive in a way. I think it's funny but also pretty weird considering some of the things he's said about me. Eugh.

Anyways let's get to the stuff from after my callout to the present. This is just a rundown of everything, and there is some stuff I skipped since I didn't feel it was worth mentioning. Once my post had been made, a lot of people went over and said stuff to him (Though I didn't encourage that behavior, I only wanted to make my post so people knew about him, I'm not covering those unless it's important in this.) Little afterwards he made this... post. Erh, are you stalking me and other people?? ALSO don't say the r slur man, like what.

I find it really creepy that he has this list, and has notes along with them about why/who they are. Also why'd he spell my partners name like that? 💀 Next a little after that he reblogged someone's art and introduction saying this. (I don't want to really @ people in this, nor get anyone involved unless they asked to be.)

I still don't understand how Alex views me, but saying this in a reblog no less is so strange. Reblogging another post, saying this with it...

You're right Alex, I didn't need you in my life, yet here we are. Unfortunately. Besides that, no, 12 year old's should NOT be on Tumblr at all, even with restrictions, said restriction should be having the app blocked from their device.

I'm just gonna.. move on from that. Alex reblogged an art post, where he proceeded to @ over 50 people, myself included, saying "surely you can see the problem". I can't fit the entire thing sadly. I don't get what the point in these posts are honestly, besides annoy everyone. He's done it before as well. He got into a small bit of beef with a handful of folk not too long ago, which I got @'ed in at some point I think, didn't really pay much attention to it. Basically the original post is someone talking about art supplies and asking what one's other people use, which I personally think was a very neat post. Alex comes around though for some reason going off on nonsense. Hello? Who invited you!? (Again, censoring names cuz I don't want to get ppl involved.)

I'm honestly kind of wondering why he even showed up. He pretty soon after made this dumb post as if it could have some effect on the situation.. uh?

I guess mark your calendars guys for this date, where we have to immediately forget everything and forgive him! /j And there's this response he gave to an anon responding to his ✨patience✨ post.

Dunno, so far it hasn't because he's still talking about it, so clearly he hasn't gotten over it enough to let it blow over.

He's giving me those like.. stupid sigma edit vibes sometimes. Y'know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Also I'm not sure what to say about this really, but it's pretty funny.

Context for this next one: You and the person on your lockscreen fight god..? That's a weird one.

Wdym racist though? 🤨 Genuinely kinda curious about that. Btw wouldn't that make you like.. 9?? On a different note, I saw him previously talk about this "friend" he has going to a mental hospital, but I know nothing about it, nor do I really want to, however reblogging on an art post saying this feels off. Think the emotes are what do it.

Don't joke about mental hospitals at all, I shouldn't have to explain why. I'm going to move on from all the short stuff now because I do wanna start talking instead of making short joking comments.

Alex made this post, and so it begins with him talking about me again, eh?

Alex, you're already doomed. I can't put it any other way but from what I've seen maybe only 1 or 2 people even like you. The rest either hate you or want to avoid you at all cost, and I don't blame them at all considering you act like a fool and make everyone uncomfortable.

For my thoughts on you? I don't like you, never did. I just have to put up with you because this is the internet, and you'll probably never truly leave me alone like I once hoped. It's a shame honestly that you cannot follow a simple request from anyone. Don't think I don't know about your planned "response post" you're making, I'm still waiting for it. I don't know what good it's gonna do you though. Personally I don't care if you make one, I'd just read it to see the stuff you make up in it lol. (Edit: He decided to stop working on it after seeing this post lol.)

Enough of my rambling, I should continue with this so I can stop talking about him sooner. Regrettably I had to actually look up what this was about, I felt.. iffy reading it.

Saying gyatt right afterwards wasn't funny. At all. I'm quite upset now. There was absolutely no reason for that.

I was gonna be reasonable and say something genuine but I don't feel like it anymore, this ruined my mood. All I have to say is as much as I dislike you, don't actually do that. Sadly moving to the next nonsensical thing, he made a poll post asking this. (It's still ongoing btw)

Are people like.. forced into giving a reason? Like if I for example chose Bendy, am I immediately supposed to state my reasons? What if I don't want to, are we being held at gunpoint? What's up with that? I'm too lazy to interact with the post, I don't really feel like it anyways even if I wasn't lazy. Which one would you choose though lol I'm going to be serious now again cause this last thing is really just.. what the fuck. Palestine related 🍉, someone asking for help came to Alex, and this was his response to it...

MY GOD Alex. Did you really have to respond to that in this immature, insensitive fucking manner? Could it have not been in one of your stupid rambling posts. It should've been. I'm sorry to the person and I'm sorry I had to read it. You're pretty sick honestly. You need help.

That's it. I'm done.

In conclusion:

Alex is still the same and is still never going to change probably. He still shouldn't be here and I believe he really should get off now more than ever. If not I fear what else he might do next.

All I can really tell you folks is please, DNI with Alex, just leave him alone and block him. You're again not obligated to, but I am suggesting it if you want to be left alone by him. And hey, maybe you'll make it onto his dumb creepy list too, who knows. Alright, I'm finished, I stayed up way too late for this... I'm tired. Cya.

Reblogs are much appreciated, it helps spread the word, thanks.

[melodic-haze]

hi!! could I request ayaka nsfw headcanons? thanks!

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Ayaka x dom!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Corruption kink, exhibition kink but it doesn't acc get acted upon 🤷‍♀️

☆ — NOTES: shut up omg another one I LOEV AYAKA THANK YOU

She seems like the type to be extremely vanilla at first, not bc she's scared (well no she is a lil bit) but bc she hasn't really? Had the chance to explore or anything??? But she seems like the type to be interested in it, just that she didn'r know HOW to explore it......until yk. You came along

She's like a willing subject to corruption, it's rather lovely 🫶

The way she'd approach you about it too 😭😭 like ohhh you're so precious my bbg :((( she'd breach the topic carefully, her cheeks tinted very red thanks to her skin betraying her and the blood that rushed to her face

Side track as much as I do adore Ayaka stumbling on her words and stuttering, I actually personally don't think she would unless she was EXTREMELY flustered or completely out of it. She's probably really good with forming sentences and stuff with very minimal stuttering, esp when she'd have to think ab her speech a lot to make sure she isn't offending anyone generally (I wish that were me cuz I stutter a LOT it's acc embarrassing)

So when she asks, she's VERY red but also very clear and concise with her speech. If it weren't for the embarrassed look on her face, if it weren't for her covering her face with her fan, you'd have thought that she wasn't shy about such an ask at all

It was hard to concentrate and gather your bearings at least a little bit when the soft scent of cookies and the mochi she had made a while ago never fails to overtake your train of thought, but you managed to pull through as you slowly undressed her.

"Are you completely sure?" You asked in concern for her, despite the fact that she had approached you about such a request, "I'm worried you might not like the experience. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable..."

She shook her head in reply, giving you a gentle smile, "I'm sure. I admit that I've been.. curious, and I trust you completely."

You couldn't help but soften at your white-haired partner's proclamation, giving her a lingering kiss on her temple, "Just remember to tell me if something feels wrong, you know I worry for you."

"I know," she giggled, "but you don't need to treat me like I'm fragile."

And before you reply in turn, Ayaka cuts you off by leaning her head on your shoulder, her lips close to your ear as she whispered in such a tantalising way--

"I'd like to think I can handle whatever you do to me."

--before drawing back with a much cheekier smile compared to moments before, "I hope that clears most of your reservations?"

By god, yes it does.

She turns out to be a FREAK❗️❗️❗️👹👹👹👹

No but fr though? I already wrote it but she def love love LOVEEEESSS being your good girl 🥰🥰🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 wants to do anything you ask her to do bc she wants to make you happy. Absolutely gets off to whenever you praise her for the stuff she does

But also? Kinda very much adores being roughed around!!! Being an important figure to Inazuma, she's not necessarily used to being treated anything less than with respect and caution, so for you to essentially make her forget all that as you "disrespect" her rank? Mmmmyes definitely Something :3

She's a very very curious person who's open to a LOT of things, going from binding to sensory deprivation to roleplay

Oh my GOD she'd ESPECIALLY be into roleplay; pretending as if she were someone else, esp if she was absolutely ravaged by you? My word it gets her wet just thinking about it

I think she'd LOVEEEE to be overstimmed 🫶🫶🫶 she wants a break from thinking!! She wants a break from responsibilities, and the way you can make it easily go away by fucking her brains out gets so addicting for this little princess

SHE'D DEFINITELY BE A SQUIRTER OH GY GOD fuck off listen she's def so so very sensitive that if you work her up enough (which doesn't acc take long) she would and she'd APOLOGISE for making such a mess but you just Cannot Help but try to get another one from her so it goes around alllll over again until she passes out :3

Don't think she'd act it out irl bc no way is she actually risking her reputation (and in extent, her brother's and her entire family name), but she'd develop?? A taste for exhibition???? Perhaps it's through the times you've just decided to drag her away to a semi-secluded spot, or maybe it's bc of the times she's touched herself while thinking of you with the risk of SOMEONE coming into her room. Either way, she starts to fantasize scenes from time to time where you're fucking her out in the open or you get caught or even that she's walking around with her pussy unknowingly stuffed with toys, who knows 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

If she doesn't tell you then she probably clues you in unconsciously when you start talking to her about how ANYONE could find you absolutely ruining this whore of a princess 🫶 by her inner walls clamping onto you as she lets out a particularly loud whine 🫶🫶🫶

Ayaka had tried to go back to sleep, she really did. But her thoughts had caught up to her, hazy made-up images and scenarios of the simplest thought of getting caught doing things unbefitting the White Heron Princess and her demure, innocent stature.

Even as she had her fingers inside her needy hole, even as she grinded on her palm in a deaperate effort to chase that needed release, she had found that she couldn't be satisfied in the least. The fact that she had to silence herself in an effort to prevent herself from getting caught didn't help with sorting out her current issue, either.

It wasn't enough—she needed you to satisfy her, to put her in her place, to take her fully until she could no longer care to think about anything else but being your personal doll. There was no way she was getting off all by herself, she needed you.

Biting the fabric of her blanket in an effort to stop her teary moans from being as loud as it would've been, she could only hope any pray that this aching need within her subsides in time before she has the chance to see you again.

(And perhaps she'll gather the courage to ask you about recreating.. a very exposing scenario, to sate her torturous curiosities.)

Bonus bullet point it'd be really cute to see her cry from the stimulation 🥰🥰

[choccy-zefirka]

Our Latest Book Club Meeting

[Before we begin: Rook is a Qunari Shadow Dragon with some self-worth issues going on]

Attending: Bellara, Neve, Harding, Lucanis, Emmrich (also Taash, and Davrin, sort of)

Book: Adventures of Dolor the Daring, Volume 48, by I. L. Literatus (chosen by Neve)

Notes taken by: Bellara

Notes:

Bellara (me) was quite surprised (and also excited!!!) that Neve chose a crime serial, as she seemed skeptical about those before

Neve admitted that she selected the book not for the plot, not really (though she was complimentary of it, especially Dolor’s final confrontation with the corrupt magister), but because she suspects the author might be… Rook!

Lucanis was first to break the stunned silence afterwards; asked why she thinks that

“Any excuse to hear me talk, hmm, Lucanis?” oh this one is good, must write that down Neve explained that it’s “rather suspicious how the mysterious I. L. Literatus took an extended break from writing the moment we all got tangled up in Solas’ mess, and then showed up again, just as Rook got injured in that fight with the Antaam and had to take a bit of downtime”

Bellara (me) pointed out that it could be a coincidence (mostly to try and ground myself for disappointment, because WOULDN’T IT BE INCREDIBLE IF ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE WROTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SERIALS). Sorry

Harding joined in; recalled how the rooftop chase between two burning buildings was almost an exact match for how she, Rook and Varric hurried to rescue Neve on the day when… things happened. Down to the shortcuts they took!

Neve added another detail: apparently, she and Rook were once looking for clues in Docktown, and Rook paused to look up at the sky and say that it looked like a “miserable grey towel that the black claws of the Archon’s palace would not stop wringing”. This was the same description as in the serial’s opening scene! Neve never forgets a thing, she is amazing

Lucanis conceded: he was more convinced now. Realized that “Scorpion”, a mysterious cloaked figure who helps Dolor investigate evil mages, might have been inspired by Viper.

Bellara (me) also realized something! Viper is in the story, but Tarquin isn’t! That’s because the Venatori already know about him, from rumors at least, so mentioning him in a serial in passing would not compromise him… But nobody knows about Tarquin! Rook is protecting him!

Taash was passing by on their way upstairs; but stopped and said, more or less (with a lot more “vashedan” thrown in): “Nah, I read a couple those. Hid them in my Advanced Qunlat textbook so I’d look smart when my mother checked on me. That can’t be Rook. Dolor is nonbinary too, but Lit-Whatsit keeps saying that they always knew who they were, were always confident about that. Rook wasn’t always confident. They struggled, like me.”

Neve disagreed. Noted that Dolor might not be a one-on-one copy of Rook, but an idealized version with all the “right” feelings Rook wished they had. Also listed all the places where Dolor gets excited to play their role as a fighter against cultists and blood mages, and the city’s protector. They are human, an everyday citizen of Minrathous who fits in so very well among everyone… But that’s a very Qunari way of putting it. And that’s something that always bothered Rook.

 Some notes had to be copied over at this point, because the “OH!” sound Harding made toppled over some of our mugs, and they spilled all over the paper! Maybe the stone floor reacted to her? No harm done, really! (Harding, stop worrying)

Harding put things together and asked Neve if I. L. Literatus, or Illiteratus, means anything in Tevene. Neve confirmed it means what it sounds like in Trade: Illiterate. Rook must have a very low opinion of their writing skills (doodle of a sad Bellara face)

Davrin (??? He said he wouldn’t be joining, he had more important things to do, like train Assan??? But there he was???) walked (or sauntered! sauntered is a good word! swaggered even!) up to the table. Asked: “If the author is Rook, and Dolor is Rook but without all their worst thoughts, then what do we make of Flosculus?”

On Flosculus! Bellara (me that is, it’s getting awkward talking in third person for so long) wrote this down while there was another long, long pause. He is a new character that just got introduced in this volume. An older lowborn mage that worked hard to earn a place in the Minrathous Circle, despite the contempt from the greedy, cruel Altus nobles that Dolor usually defeats on their adventures. He is very tall, only a “hand’s length” below an average Qunari warrior (which is just about the height difference between Rook and Emmrich), and his face “might have been fairly good-looking when he was younger, but was chiseled into an elegant, dignified handsomeness with age… Truly, time had treated him with the same kindness as he treated those around him”. I really liked him; he does remind me a lot of Emmrich, with his love for flowers, and his wealth of advice on all things arcane, and his eagerness to see the best in people… And you (well, me at least) can’t help but notice how the story, which is usually all about magic duels and human sacrifices and screaming matches with crazy cultists on top of piles of bones, grows softer whenever he is on the page. Like stepping in from a hailstorm to a cozy room with a burning hearth. But then… then, at the very end of the volume, Dolor realizes that they have been developing a crush on him, and decides never to tell him about it because he does not like them back. Which the author praises them for because it’s “the right thing to do”. Dolor always knows the right thing to do.

Book club meeting adjourned here. No dice were thrown to decide who’s next. Because Emmrich, first very pale and then very pink, got up without a word and ran off somewhere.

THAT BETTER BE TOWARDS ROOK’S ROOM!

Sorry.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎶🎻 let's see if this actually helps me find this later

WIBTA for marking up my friend's sheet music?

ok so I (15m) have a friend (17f) and we both play cello in the classical music ensemble at our school. we have both been playing cello for approx 7 years. we had very different musical upbringings: she learned to play cello in a class with a bunch of other kids, and from what I gather there were many other instruments and the teacher took kind of a hands-off approach, which is typical for the kind of elementary school she went to. I, on the other hand, learned through private lessons (which I don't think I'm better for, it's just different) and my teacher (who I still take piano and cello lessons from) is a little bit obsessive when it comes to correct technique and stuff. I care a little less about technique than my teacher, but I definitely developed quite a few of her habits: I always pay really close attention to what the sheet music tells me, especially dynamics and which direction my bow needs to go in, or how many notes I'm playing in a bow stroke. part of this is because that's what the composer would have wanted and also because when I started my teacher would make me mark everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in my sheet music. we're talking fingerings, bow markings, highlighting every chreschendo and decrescendo, putting the counting in for all of the rhythms and more. now I typically only mark super important things, like if I keep forgetting a note or something, and I rarely mark my cello sheet music in ensembles, though everyone has seen me mark my bass music, since I'm new to bass.

Recently, since it's about 2/3rds of the way through the school year and we have a good group, my ensemble has been playing more challenging stuff. the parts or more intricately layered and dynamics are a pretty big thing, especially for the cello section, since we basically have one line for half of a piece which is just to play some half notes that crescendo and decrescendo over and over. and it's like, all we do, like it's a pretty big part of the song. the issue is that my friend just kind of ignores the dynamic markings and bowings in the music and what the other cellists are doing (there's three of us, including me and her and she sits in between us) so she just kinda plays the piece at the same volume. the whole time. and it's written right there. and she's heard me play it solo without the ensemble before, so in theory she knows how to do it. and after seven years of playing the cello, you should have the bow control to play quietly.

now, this wouldn't annoy me so much if her ignorance wasn't a recurring thing. last year, we played aquarius with the jazz ensemble and we both really liked the piece. except we had this one part. we had to play a bunch of tied whole notes in the beginning. just two in a row and then we'd change bows. (if you don't play an instrument, a tied note is basically when the note is played over two measures, in this case we would play the same note fore eight beats, and then reverse the direction of our bow) now, I can hold my bow in one direction for eight beats. it's not fun or easy and I'd rather play a melody or bass line to begin with, but if you're playing quietly (like we were supposed to be) you can maintain a pretty steady pace for eight beats in one bow. my friend NEVER did this. she would just run her bow back and forth on the note until we moved on to the next and then do the same there. and I'm talking like she'd play maybe ten notes while we played one. which, obviously, through off the rhythm. we weren't as close last year and I didn't know she'd been playing as long as she had, so I ignored it. but, she kept doing it and she still does. I've confronted her about it multiple times, saying how it's like if you breathed half way through a note on a wind instrument, how it messes us up because her bow will go in a different direction than the other cellos and hit me in the elbow a lot, and how it makes us look weirdly messy. every time she just kind of says okay and walks off.

now, I think my friend could benefit from having her sheet music marked like my teacher used to make me, because clearly just mentioning it to her is not enough and as we move on to harder music it's making us look worse. so, wibta if I brought some extra pens and highlighters and reminded her to circle or highlight different dynamic, rhythmic and bowing notations if she doesn't play them the first few times?

What are these acronyms?

[loud-n]

What's up with Roshar's Money and Why is Sapphire so Valuable

I recently started my reread of Stormlight Archive to prepare for book 5, and coincidentally, this happened at roughly the same time the cosmere rpg started kickstarting. So, reading TWoK and the beta rules of the rpg at the same time, a few things happened to come together. For one, the rpg had this table:

I thought this was very interesting. I hadn't ever seen anything like this (though, checking coppermind, a similar chart has been available since an interview in 2018 that I wasn't aware of). It's a nice way for me to contextualize just how much money Shallan throws around at the beginning of TWoK (for example, based on remarks from Yalb in chapter 3, we know that a week's wages for a sailor is roughly one ruby mark/firemark, or 10 diamond marks/clearmarks), and while it seems like it might be simplified for gameplay purposes, it's also broadly consistent with the other sources.

So I kept reading until I got to this line:

"Emeralds were the most valuable, for they could be used by soulcasters to create food." (The Way of Kings ch. 3, pg. 72 on the trade paperback)

This line lays out explicitly that the soulcasting traits of a gem are the primary way (or at least a very significant one) that these values were assigned. This makes a lot of sense: the ability to soulcast food is the key component that allows Roshar the kind of military structures it has, and would provide an extremely valuable way to compensate for issues with harvests that might come with Roshar's 'temperamental' weather patterns.

(some major oathbringer spoilers below the cut)

I then wanted to know how this translates to the other types of gem. Many of these make a lot of sense: amethyst can be used to soulcast metal, which is important and difficult to obtain on roshar (coppermind notes that this may also be the only way to get aluminum on Roshar); ruby, smokestone, and zircon are all used as part of infrastructure for food preparation and waste management (and rubies seem especially common in the fabrials we've seen); garnet, heliodor, and topaz all provide less vital (though still useful) and less valuable materials; and diamond can be used to soulcast quartz, glass, and crystal, none of which are particularly valuable (especially given easy access to even light with stormlight and danger from highstorms making windows difficult and less valuable).

However, one gem caught my eye here.

Why is sapphire so valuable?

Sapphire's soulcasting can produce translucent gas or air, which seems a bit redundant with smokestone, a stone we know is regularly used. To my knowledge, we don't see any characters ever use soulcasting powered by a sapphire (please correct me if I'm wrong, I may be forgetting or confusing an instance with smokestone). So unless there's something we're missing or something to come, it doesn't seem like sapphire's value is because it is especially useful in soulcasting.

If this isn't the case, I can think of three possible explanations for why sapphire is worth so much:

Sapphire is less common. We know that obtaining emerald is a major part of the Rosharan economy and a significant reason for the continued occupation of the shattered plains at the start of the series. This might also be the case for sapphire: greatshells with sapphire gemhearts may be less common or more difficult to farm, making sapphire more scarce and thus more valuable.

Sapphire is especially useful in fabrials. So far, we've only seen one fabrial using sapphire that I can remember: the soul-harvesting dagger used to kill Jezrien (Oathbringer ch. 121). Even this may not be a specific trait of all sapphires, but rather due to the fact that sapphires are associated with Jezrien and the windrunners. I think it's possible and maybe even likely that sapphires are the gems used in half-shards, since none of the examples ever specify what gem is used and Taravangian states that the spren within could have graced a knight radiant (Oathbringer ch. 100) - possibly an honorspren trapped within a sapphire. This may also have been Taravangian lying, though.

The value is somehow associated with Jezrien and the Windrunners. This one seems the most far-fetched to me: at the start of the series, the knights radiant are not viewed especially fondly, and I doubt the Windrunners would have enough staying power to change the value of a gem. The idea that it may be association with Jezrien seems to me to have more merit; Jezrien seems to generally be elevated to a point beyond the other heralds.

Based on the information we have, I think that my second proposal has the highest chance of being at least partially correct. Association with Jezrien seems far-fetched, sapphire being especially scarce seems like something too far off course to get significant confirmation of in-text, and fabrials are one of the elements of the world still being developed in universe that we also don't have a lot of extra information about.

If any of this is going to be answered, I honestly think it might come through the rpg: the first wave of releases will include a world guide with canon information that might shed some light on these elements less important to the actual story, and the rules will also detail a lot of information about fabrials that could answer my questions about half-shards. Until then, though, I'm just going to have to sit here and wonder (and keep a special eye out for mentions of sapphire on my reread for anything I missed).

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 10/12

Anonymous asked: Scratch: Won't anyone think of the children!! If you're gonna be smooching then get a room!!! also Scratch: Time to go manipulate more children into destroying their relationships! @manorinthewoods asked: There are two events in which Scratch has, so far, gained emotions: one, when he discovered that the Serkets stole an incredibly important magical item and hid it for centuries or millenia; and two, romance in his workroom. ~LOSS (20/9/24)

@manorinthewoods asked: "Is it because there’s a ‘good’ and an 'evil’ way for a God Tier to die?" On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate this brain fart? ~LOSS (20/9/24)

Wait, is that a brain fart? Because to me, it still scans.

Prospit, the 'good' moon, would naturally be associated with heroism, and vice-versa for Derse. Am I missing something really obvious?

Anonymous asked: Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Death's Bell grows ever nearer. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. But will it determine whether the thief is trully a sinner? Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Honk. I guess we'll see :o) @ben-guy asked: The showdown between Vriska and Terezi really is one of the watershed moments of HS imo. You've questioned if Vriska has matured enough to escape death by mysterious transcendental judgement engine… but let's not forget the meanings of the words in question, and their inherent linguistic and philosophical ambiguity. What if her death being caused by her pursuit of a heroic (albeit foolish) plan tragically makes her growth the cause of a permanent death instead? What if Terezi's decision to kill her is just regardless of Vriska's motivations, making her growth a moot point? Of course, this feels a lot less mutually exclusive, which goes against the implications of the clock imagery. […]

How did Scratch phrase it again?

The terms of a God Tier permadeath are defined according to the case of the individual - which implies that Heroic and Just are subjective, even to Sburb. It sounds like there might not be any ironclad rules, and that everyone's ruling works differently.

Yes, Scratch appears to be outlining some universal examples here - but what does, say, 'corruption' really mean? There are many equally valid interpretations, and a lot of them are contradictory. Maybe each death uses the definition that makes the most sense to that player.

In any case, I think Vriska's fate is currently meant to be unclear. She's designed from the ground up to be a complex, morally ambiguous character, and you could construct a valid argument for either outcome.

For my part, I'm fully convinced this will resolve as Just. I've been predicting Vriska's death for most of the Act now, and it's extremely fitting for it to happen at Terezi's reluctant hands. All those Incidents are finally coming full circle, and they're coming for her.

@morganwick asked: Note that Scratch starts talking about dark pockets and needing to speculate immediately after Vriska sees Karkat and Terezi's corpses. That's all Terezi needed to see, which means it's all Scratch needed to know - and all Hussie needed to know as well.

True! The fight that Scratch couldn't call was part of a doomed timeline. Its outcome was completely irrelevant to the story - and therefore, there's a good chance that Hussie didn't bother to decide on the victor. Author Theory survives another day!

@relaxxattack asked: i dont know if this counts as spoilers (it's a quote from andrew hussie) but i think your theory on scratch's omniscience is basically spot-on! "Doc here refers to the dark spots, the pockets of void on which his vision is built. These hint at limitations to his omniscience. As an alt-author figure, his omniscience makes sense, since the author has sweeping knowledge of story details as well. Because I "know everything," he "knows everything" too. Of course, as I write the story, there are plenty of things I don't know yet, and the "not knowing" is always an important part of the process in this largely improvisational medium. The known gaps are worked into the story, evaded through time skips and other tricks, filling out the surrounding narrative until certain answers become clearer, and then revealed at the right moment. The voids are built around, and in a real way, become foundational, almost load-bearing gaps in knowledge, just as he describes. Pillars of shadow. So his dark spots are not only a limitation to an otherwise ridiculously overpowered villain that can be exploited, they're a feature of a specific type of "authorial omniscience" copied into his profile." -- Andrew Hussie

...and it's officially Hussie-approved! Let's fucking go!

Anonymous asked: One kind of less obvious thing he says about circumstantial simultaneity is that it weaves together perfectly disparate chronologies such as a pair of distinct sessions, so it seems it is at work when there is communication between sessions, such as conversations between humans and trolls. ie: The troll sending the message is circumstantially simultaneous to the human receiving the message. Ditto for the memos. Anonymous asked: Posting for someone else again. -DJ || I interpret Circumstantial Simultaneity to mean a very simple thing: "those events happens at different times, but at the same meta-time". Especially if the things happen in different worlds, and so happening at the same time is impossible, because different worlds have isolated timelines. - RM

That makes a lot more sense than my interpretation. I think I was thrown off by Scratch's insistence that Circumstantial Simultaneity is 'not fully comprehensible to a mortal mind'. His use of such phrasing led me to assume that the concept was more complicated than it appeared, leading me to try and puzzle out the 'real' meaning of the term.

So, in a nutshell, circumstantial simultaneity is when multiple sections of reality are linked by shared events, allowing their local timelines to synchronize. Seems straightforward enough.

Anonymous asked: i don't think scratch technically lied. there are multiple ways in which scratch could die in the same way that there are multiple ways in which anyone could die - an axe could theoretically kill you, but that doesn't mean there has to be a timeline where you get killed with an axe

The semantics here are pretty interesting.

Scratch has stated that there are multiple ways to kill him, which could mean:

That there are multiple scenarios which have a non-zero probability of killing him.

That there are multiple scenarios that would hypothetically cause him to die, if they actually occurred.

These two statements have fairly similar meanings, but, as anon pointed out, there's an important distinction between the two. Statement 1 requires Scratch to actually die in some timelines, but Statement 2 doesn't require him to ever die, in any timeline.

Scratch has stated that he'll only die in one timeline, which means that there is only one scenario that will ever lead to his death. All other scenarios will never lead to his death - and thus, even if they could 'hypothetically' kill him, the probability that they will kill him is zero.

@heliotropopause asked: Never change, Noir. is that the oil jug WV uses for his mural in act 2? how'd it get to Scratch's lair?

I don't think it's the same jug, for the simple reason that both Carapacians emptied out the whole thing for their respective shenanigans. This ain't no Alchemy Jug!

abysswarlock asked: I like to think that the meta joke with the disks are a parallel of how the kings scepters hold small instantiations of skaia that exist within skaia itself, in this case the story of homestuck exists in disk form within the narrative itself.

Perhaps, but the Scepter's recursion is explained to be a game mechanic, whereas there's currently no explanation for the disk's existence. I guess Hussie himself could have put it there, but, like... why?

Anonymous asked: ‘His army thus inspired would spearhead a major re8ellion. Surely one at least on the scale of the sectarian revolt crushed 8y the High8loods, who thereafter for8ade its mention, or any invoc8tion of the heretical sym69ls at all, even in private journals.’ do you have any theories about this line?

Karkat's leadership shines in times of immediate crisis, which is part of why he struggled to keep his team together in the Veil. He doesn't know how to motivate people without an immediate, in-your-face threat - but since his ancestor was leading a rebellion, that probably wasn't an issue for him. The threat was omnipresent.

In short, I think Karkat Senior was always in Vantas Panic Mode. He'd have spearheaded Alternia's first rebellion with vim, vigor, seemingly infinite stamina, and sheer, bloody-minded determination - and if he was anything close to as likeable as Karkat, folk heroism was virtually inevitable. I can't wait to learn more!

@semaphoricwave asked: w.r.t. learning Mindfang dates the Summoner: it makes you wonder if Vriska's obsession with Tavros was the Alternian equivalent of comphet. She had no respect for his agency in the scenario (not difficult to develop when you're able to mind control people), but also she didn't seem to hold much stock in her own agency in all that, either. It's not even a cueball fortune, she just seems to want to be true: this boy she wants to 'make better' (but doesn't know how) is meant to make her happy. Anonymous asked: so with the revelation of the summoner, this makes TWO characters that vriska canonically was in/pursued as part of a romantic relationship that were descendants from her ancestors romantic partners. girl is inventing new kinds of comphet 😭

Vriska, for god's sake. Terezi is right there.

@iknowitsgreen asked: I find it so interesting that there's now an implication that Vriska literally expected Tavros to grow wings and fly to safety when she threw him off that cliff. The question is, did she simply resent Tavros for proving her fantasy wrong, or did she convince herself that Tavros chose to be paralyzed over showing his wings to her? It somewhat recontextualizes her early treatment of him either way

Layers upon layers upon layers. Vriska was fucked up about Tavros from twenty directions at once, and should never have been let within a thousand feet of the poor guy.

@manorinthewoods asked: Since trolls growing wings is apparently some sort of mythic event, presumably the God Tier wings of Vriska specifically tie into this. A God Tier troll gaining wings would be much more significant to the troll than to the human reader, as their culture places incredible emphasis on the meaningfullness of such - and perhaps the God Tier ascension could be likened to such a 'pupation'. ~LOSS (10/9/24)

It would explain why both Vriska and Aradia got them, but John didn't. The trolls have a lot in common with insects, so it stands to reason that in their culture, an insect's metamorphosis would be associated with divine apotheosis.

Anonymous asked: It’s super fascinating riding along as you go through this sequence because when I first read homestuck literally all the mind games went over my head haha. I saw what happened, and had a decent grasp on the characters, but the idea that Gamzee was manipulating Terezi? Never occurred to me. Everything about “why didn’t Terezi suspect Gamze” was just a mystery I never solved (mostly because I never understood gamzee, and still don’t) So Thank You so much for helping me understand better, years later! It’s so wild to look back and know what happens, but still have a limited grasp on why it went down that way.

Thank you for the kind words!

And yeah, a lot of Gamzee's schtick seems to be focused on obfuscating what he's actually doing. The real smoking gun there was the near-complete loss of Terezi's deductive abilities, at the exact moment Gamzee should have entered her radar.

@skelekingfeddy asked: ive always seen the grand highblood as not a troll, but like, the head of the imperial drones. when asked why his blood is black hussie said ‘Because he’s a huge gross monster? I don’t what sort of answer would be meaningful.When the highbloods were setting up the judicial system, they said ok we’re going to need some judges for this thing. Then they said ok how about these massive brainless monsters, that would be so perfect.’ […] its a headcanon of mine that hht is technically the same species as the mother grub. same with the imperial drones. if the mother grub is a queen bee then the drones are…well, drones. and hht is, like, a drone foreman, or sergeant, or something. i imagine that trolls and the drones’ species evolved a reproductive symbiosis, but then the empire took advantage of it and co-opted the drones + hht as enforcers

There's such an interesting untold story here, about how the early trolls might have cyberized a formerly symbiotic species, and essentially made them its slaves.

I've always been interested in how, exactly, the trolls developed their symbioses, and what they might have looked like before Alternian civilization became what it is today.

Anonymous asked: terezi tries to play disc 2 on a gramophone because she literally doesn't know how a cd works - sgrub is all run via grubtech, and most of her humanning has been with mr turntables who even if asked would probably describe a cd through obtuse metaphor likening it to a vinyl record

Oh, good point. Terezi's from a civilization which left CDs behind a long, long time ago.

Hey, come to think of it, why does the Veil even have a…

...oh, right. The room isn't 'canon', so I probably shouldn't be trying to theorize too hard about its contents. It's not really part of the story.

@catlikeascendant asked: I had the impression that just like mindfang was vriska's FLARP character, Redglare was terezi's. That would explain terezi having the outfit and responding to the name, at least @somebody0214 asked: Terezi did roleplay a lot as the Redglare so it would make sense she would respond to Redglare. @dissonancies asked: I'm honestly not sure Terezi does know about her ancestor. […] Vriska had the journals, but she tries to keep her cards close to her chest- remember, "Mindfang" was Vriska's roleplay name. Who's to say she didn't just "casually" "suggest" Redglare for Terezi's character, without telling her why?

Vriska, just how many of your friends have you been molding into their ancestors?

I won't be mad - I just want to know.

Anonymous asked: Equius Sr being fit to Inherit the cueball due his passive Voidiness is another point to sharing classpects with Equius Jr, the Heir of Void. @cationicflood asked: now that youve met the Expatri8, you know now why Scratch didn’t know Vriska had the cue ball until Terezi told him — it’s spent untold centuries ensconced in Zahhak-flavored Void aura. Even when it was in Vriska’s possession, it so happened she was quite literally neighbors with Equius.

We've talked a lot about how I believe Scratch's 'dark pockets' represent information that Hussie hasn't decided on yet. It's admittedly a little difficult to reconcile that with the fact that Void, an in-universe Aspect, is strongly implied to be the source of at least some of these pockets.

Maybe Aspects can work on a meta level, as well as a literal one. Like, perhaps Void is the aspect of author uncertainty, and therefore, anything that Hussie hasn't decided on out-of-universe is canonically 'hidden by Void'.

Anonymous asked: Mindfang warning Vriska about looking into the cueball…. So what you're saying is that Mindfang warned Vriska about the *stares*

It literally keeps happening!

@wolygan asked: So based off of the troll Ancestors we have seen, what do you think the rest might be like? also what do you think of the ones we have seen, since we don't know much about them yet. @absinthe-and-alabaster asked: Hi! I'm wondering if you have any updated thoughts from your initial ancestor theory post about the ancestors we haven't seen yet, given we know a bit more about troll history now

Not a lot! I'm obviously curious about the others, particularly Karkat's, but it's hard to come up with any concrete theories, other than 'their experiences and personalities will parallel those of their descendants', which is a freebie, based on the Ancestors we already have.

Anonymous asked: To be fair to EQ,Nepeta was far and safe when Gamzee attacked, and she could easly hide out of harm way with her skills. He just miscalculated and didn't realise she would follow him and attack Gamzee after he died.

True - but at the same time, he knew that Gamzee would still remain at large after his death, and that he, Equius, would no longer be able to protect Nepeta.

Even if she hadn't attacked him immediately, Gamzee would have remained a significant danger to everyone else on the Veil, Nepeta included. Had Equius fought back, he could have ensured that Gamzee would never be able to harm her.

@martinkhall asked: It's obvious to us that's not Vriska's handwriting. But just because Terezi can smell what the words say doesn't nesisarily mean she can smell the difference in how they're writen.

Plus, would Terezi necessarily be familiar with Vriska's handwriting? After all, most of the trolls seemed to communicate exclusively through modern technology. Would they really have any cause to pass notes to each other while FLARPing?

Anonymous asked: I would push back on the assertion that Heroic and Just deaths are the only way stories can work. One can be slain by a villain but not be a hero, and that can still matter to the story. A certain event from A Song of Ice and Fire springs to mind.

Oh, for sure - that's definitely correct outside of Homestuck. But within the comic, they really might be the only ways to die that Sburb considers 'dramatic' enough to be permanent.

Outside of the God Tier system, though, anything goes. After all, Equius was slain by a villain, and he didn't exactly die a hero.

@flerponius asked: Not really relevant to anything that's going on right now, but I thought you might find it interesting. In the Homestuck physical books, AH comments that the 4 grist types unlocked by default at the beginning of the comic (not including build grist) are related to the players quests; specifically, each grist type is a blight on the land it's found on, and the players quest would involve removing it from the land. I don't think this was explained anywhere else in the comic.

Oh, interesting. I wonder what they were supposed to be for?

Like, how does Rose's chalk relate to bringing life back to her oceans? Did Hussie have different Quest in mind for her, back then?

@manorinthewoods asked: The human session is shaping up to have lasted for less than a week due to Jack's interference, while the trolls slogged through over 600 hours (probably 612, to be specific, or 25.5 days) of relationship drama, powerleveling, and the production of inane yet somehow powerful weapons. Which of these is a more 'normal' length for a session? Did the trolls take too long, or were they rushing? Do bigger sessions last for longer? ~LOSS (2/9/24)

I'm pretty sure the troll session was closer to a 'typical' length.

According to Karkat, the human Reckoning arrived significantly sooner than normal - I assume this was due to Jack's double regicide.

If the human session had gone more smoothly, I imagine that it, too, would have taken several weeks. Like the trolls, the kids would have been able to hang out in person - and unlike the trolls, it probably wouldn't have devolved into multiple homicides.

@cheyj05 asked: Hey, just so you know it's pretty much impossible to read your liveblog in order on mobile. Searching the act 1 tag doesn't work so you pretty much would just have to scroll ALL the way back, which is impossible @cheyj05 asked: Ignore my last ask, I figured out how to do it

Mind sharing how, actually? I've been assuming that this was impossible, due to the Tumblr app's, uh, unique issues. If there's a way to browse the tags properly on mobile, I should probably add it to the pinned.

Anonymous asked: What do you mean "barely wind-themed", John made a car fly with his wind powers, why is a boat less believable?

You're not wrong. I guess I meant more that the boat's Breath energy looked a lot less like actual wind, and more like the abstract idea of Breath. It might just be stylistic, though.

@wolygan asked: I read another liveblog for Homestuck, and they just got to meeting Jade and then wrote a short essay on how they are convinced that Jade is the seer of light, just thought you might find that funny to know.

I do find that funny to know! Hussie got 'em again!

[itsnesss]

plz an axel x reader where they have been dating for a while and often travel together for competitions

𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 | axel kovacevik × fem!reader

summary | you and axel have been dating for a while, traveling together for dojo competitions. on a train ride to a tournament, axel opens up about how much he values your incredible relationship

warnings | fluff, light emotional vulnerability

word count | 0.9 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

It had been several months since you started dating. At first, it was all a game. Shared training sessions, small jokes, and furtive glances that couldn’t hide the feelings that began to blossom between you. But over time, that connection turned into something much deeper. You became a couple who shared not only the challenges of the dojo but also the adventures that traveling together brought.

Competitions were a constant in your lives. Axel and you traveled together to every place your dojo had to compete, whether it was a nearby city or a more distant destination. Although the nerves were always present before each tournament, something about those trips made everything easier. Especially when you shared those experiences with Axel.

You were sitting by the train window, watching the landscape slowly pass by. Axel was beside you, arms crossed, staring ahead. He wasn’t one of those guys who easily engaged in small talk, but you knew there was something he particularly enjoyed about these moments: the peace. It was strange, considering his energy in the dojo, but these trips allowed him to disconnect from the competition, even if only for a moment.

“Thinking about the competition?” you asked, breaking the silence around you.

Axel glanced at you with a slight smile. “Partly, yeah. But also about everything we’ve experienced together so far. It’s strange… traveling so much, but I’ve liked it.”

You were surprised to hear those words. You knew Axel wasn’t one to open up easily, and even less to share his deeper thoughts. But in moments like these, when it was just the two of you, he let his guard down.

“You mean it? I’ve liked it too. I didn’t think I’d enjoy these trips as much as I have. And not just because of the competitions, but because of everything we share,” you said, looking at him, your voice soft and sincere.

Axel turned his head toward you, his eyes shining with a mix of focus and something else, something you couldn’t quite identify. “Maybe it’s because with you by my side, even the most exhausting things become bearable,” he replied, his tone calm but with a hint of vulnerability.

You felt a little flushed from his honesty, but you took it as a genuine compliment. After all, he wasn’t one to talk about those things easily. Although the competition was right around the corner, this little moment of peace reminded you why you’d started dating Axel in the first place: the way he made you feel complete, even in the simplest moments.

The train continued its journey, and you rested your head on his shoulder. Axel, despite his tough and competitive attitude, was incredibly protective of you. You knew that when something important was at stake, his energy changed, becoming even more focused, more determined. But in moments of peace like this, when the train’s lights dimmed and the city faded into the dark, you felt completely connected to him. As if the outside world didn’t matter as long as you were together.

“Do you remember when we started dating? I’m still surprised how quickly everything happened between us,” you suddenly said, breaking the silence.

Axel chuckled softly, almost as if remembering the beginning of it all. “Of course I remember. At first, I didn’t even think something like this could happen between us. We were just dojo partners. But then everything changed, and here we are.”

“Yeah, here we are,” you murmured, smiling as you nestled closer to him. “I didn’t imagine I’d travel so much around the country with someone, much less with someone like you.”

“What’s wrong with that? I guess I’m not so terrible after all,” Axel replied with a small teasing smile.

You laughed softly, feeling at ease beside him. Axel and you had gone through difficult moments together, both in and out of the dojo. It had been a journey full of ups and downs, but every step had been worth it. You had learned to support each other, and although he didn’t always show it, Axel trusted you deeply.

“I’m glad you said that. Because, to be honest, I couldn’t ask for a better travel companion,” you said in a quiet tone, but clear enough for him to hear.

Axel turned his head to look at you, his gaze now softer. “Me neither. I don’t know what I’d do without you at the tournaments and outside of them. You’re not only a great fighter, but you’re also my anchor. And that means a lot to me.”

You felt a wave of warmth in your chest. It was the first time Axel had said something so direct about how he saw you in his life, and it made you feel closer to him than ever.

The train began to slow down, signaling they had reached their destination. You both stood up, gathering your things, and Axel took your hand without thinking, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The competition was about to start, and although both of you were nervous, you knew you could face it together.

“I promise,” Axel suddenly said, his eyes locked onto yours. “No matter what happens in this tournament, I’ll always be here for you. It doesn’t matter if we win or lose.”

You smiled, feeling a peace that only Axel could give you. “I know. And I’ll be here for you, too.”

As you stepped off the train and walked toward the competition, the world seemed to fade around you. It didn’t matter what would happen in this competition, because as long as you were together, you knew everything would be worth it. Every trip, every step, every competition was just another excuse to keep growing together.

[actuallyjustabiscuit]

Kinger is Cursed With the Consequences of His Actions, and That's What's Making Him Crazy

Oh yes! The character we've all officially designated as Pomni’s new papa has got me reminiscing about another silly crackpot monarch who is actually an intelligent man in his late forties, an identity that has been buried so deep within the recesses of his altered mind that it can only emerge through special circumstances of which he has no control. But I know I'm not the only one who's made connections between him and Simon Petrikov from Adventure Time.

Btw did you know that they're also nearly the same age?

Yeah, this comparison has already been made by plenty of people. But if I may, I'd like to point out one other similarity that I've noticed; the fact that both of these men tragically lost the love of their lives, yet even in their broken minds the love they felt for them is still remembered fondly.

But, what if Kinger was also indirectly responsible for losing Queenie?

So........what exactly causes someone to abstract?

Of course, this would be an important question considering it's baked into the premise of the show itself, but I find it to be particularly relevant when dissecting Kinger's character because if we only assume that abstraction occurs when a human loses their mind, then how is someone like him still hanging around the Circus?

He’s been trapped there the longest, how long exactly is yet to be confirmed, but it’s safe to say that all those years haven't been kind to him. In the pilot he’s characterized as extremely erratic and forgetful, getting easily startled because his spatial awareness and object permanence are practically nonexistent nor can he retain previously established information for very long. On top of that, he regularly spouts nonsense that seemingly has nothing to do with the current situation. Because of this, his general demeanor tends to range between ridiculous to downright frustrating to the other characters.

So it’s no wonder that his fellow humans have more or less dismissed him as just being insane.

But I think this is a completely reductive view of this poor man because Kinger’s got that “he’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit” energy that I love about him.

I think this is one of the more adorable aspects of Kinger's character; he's always trying to help. He tries his absolute darndest.

And what makes me sad is that, with the way that he is, he has such little control over how much he can actually help the people he clearly cares a lot about.

In Mystery of Mildenhall Manor, it's revealed that Kinger's lucidity is apparently affected by his exposure to darkness. How this works exactly is a bit inconsistent as we've had scenes of him in complete darkness and still acting pretty goofy.

However, based on my observations, I believe the change is not instantaneous. Like, he doesn't immediately become the Kinger we see in the adventure with Pomni if he is suddenly enveloped in darkness. I think what primarily plays a part is the amount of time he spends in darker settings. The segments we get with Kinger and Pomni are significantly dimmer compared to the rest of the episode, and we even get hints of Kinger progressively becoming more logical before we get to the cellar.

I’ve also noticed a small pattern in which he prefaces these brief moments of clarity with “I think…”.

This could be completely unrelated, but I find it interesting that Kinger's big advice to Pomni on how to overcome something difficult is to try "not thinking about it". I may be reading too much into this specific bit of phrasing but I feel that it's worth noting if this really is the mentality he lives by, because this is the advice he gives her when he's in two totally different states of mind.

Anyway, it turns out that when this silly man finally gets a good grasp on himself again, he’s actually extremely competent. Kinger shooting down the angel is a pretty obvious example of him being a BAMF, but I want to give these two moments a bit of focus.

I like the idea that Kinger has been in the Circus long enough to become so familiar with his weird digital body that he uses his detachable parts and disembodied hands to his advantage. It’s just a neat little detail because we get a taste of just how capable Kinger can be in this world if it wasn’t for his handicap.

And what really sucks is that the amount of time it takes for him to regain his sanity in the dark is really disproportionate to the amount of time it takes for him to lose it when back in bright environments.

Take the scene where Kinger is having a conversation with Ragatha in Candy Carrier Chaos with the bucket on his head for example, which definitely foreshadows this detail since it's the first time we hear him speaking more sensibly.

and then this happens

Notice how he taps the handle of the bucket? Like he's realizing that he does, in fact, have a bucket on his head that's obscuring his vision, before lifting it off of his face and going right back to responding in the way we've come to expect from Kinger.

It makes me wonder if Kinger has ever tried to tell the other's about this, but just couldn't. Ragatha clearly isn't aware of it despite having known him the longest out of any of the current residents of the Circus. And Kinger himself can't seem to pinpoint when exactly he shifts between sane and insane. Like a man who blacks out and feeling ashamed of his drunken actions when he sobers up again, despite having no control or awareness in the moment.

Describing Kinger's usual behavior when not in darkness as a "blackout" is pretty ironic, but I think it fits beautifully because it perfectly explains his short-term memory loss. Or I guess it would be more accurate to call it a "brownout". Either way, the point is that his memory becomes more obscured when he's in the light.

As for what initially caused this impairment, we still don't know.

I also don't want to get too clinical with Kinger's "symptoms" because I am in no way schooled enough to diagnose a fictional character who has only had a single episode focused on him.

But even just one episode proved to be very enlightening (...heh...see...see what I did there? Enlight-eh forget it) because after comforting a freshly traumatized Pomni, our girl interacts with Kinger at his most coherent long enough to learn some very crucial information.

It seems that the abstracted humans are not inherently dangerous, at least not when secluded in darkness, which Kinger was fortunate enough to witness with his own wife before they were separated (not legally, divorce doesn't exist in the Circus).

I've made this connection in another post I made, but yeah I really do think that it's the Circus' garish lights that make the abstracted so aggressive. I mean when you have that many eyes, that shit would aggravate the hell out of you.

But now comes the real question, and I'm tying it back to the one I made at the start, what made Queenie abstract in the first place?

How very convenient, Kinger. How did Jax put it, "gotta keep the mystery alive"?

Well, I'm playing detective here and I say you're the key suspect!

That's right! I'm accusing you! But unlike Baron Moldydick's crime, it twasn't homicide.

Yeah, everyone has picked up on how Mildenhall killing his wife acts as a parallel to what Kinger may or may not have done to Queenie. But I don't think it's as cut and dry as Kinger losing his mind and then somehow putting Queenie in direct danger as a result.

No, I like to think that it's definitely a bit more complicated than that.

It's not clear when exactly Kinger began losing his mind, but I certainly believe it had everything to do with losing Queenie. And it would actually be a pretty fun bit of character design if it does because in chess the King becomes most vulnerable when the Queen is taken off the board.

I know we all want to imagine that Queenie had existed alongside the other characters sometime before Pomni's arrival, but based on what we're given in canon, I'm starting to think that was highly unlikely. Because if everyone knew who Queenie was, then they would also deduce that Kinger wasn't always the way that he is now. I just don't get the impression from everyone else that they know about Kinger's dual state of mind. Otherwise, it'd be kind of awful that they wouldn't do more to help him if they were aware of this fact.

Kinger has always been crazy to them because all they know is that he's been in the Circus longer than anyone else. Which really goes to show how little they truly understand one another despite having only each other for company.

And it's not like they don't care enough (well, except maybe Jax) to want to understand and be there for each other, but it's almost like they are never given enough opportunities to really...bond.

And yeah, unfortunately, a lot of it has to do with each of these characters having their own hang-ups that keep them from doing just that. It's not just Caine constantly shoving them into his adventures to distract them.

Ragatha is dishonest with her feelings

Gangle is insecure when her mask breaks

Jax hates being vulnerable

and Zooble is never comfortable in their own skin (or at least their body's equivalent of skin)

I don't want to downplay it either, these are real issues that need consistent work. These people need help and the only one really capable of supplying that is a little broken himself.

This is why it's so fortunate that Pomni was with Kinger when he started speaking more sensibly. She has already displayed a remarkable level of emotional maturity with Gummigoo, but that's because Gummigoo was the one in need of reassurance at that moment. When exposed to problems far worse than your own, your problems in some way appear much more manageable in comparison. Pomni may be trapped, but Gummigoo doesn't even get the luxury of existing outside of what he was made for. That alone gave Pomni the confidence to live in spite of her circumstances and inspire someone else to do the same.

But it's hard to maintain that confidence when your new support system gets literally deleted right in front of you.

It's ok tho! Thanks to participating in Kaufmo's funeral, Pomni begins to open herself up to the others more, which allows her to have...some faith in her new friends. This is especially good when she gets to finally break down for a minute with Kinger because honestly, it's amazing she's held herself marginally together this whole time without crying at least once.

Pomni experiences her (so far) all-time low, and this segues to Kinger sharing his.

It's pretty terrible, losing someone. The previous episode pretty much forced that onto Pomni. How exactly do you completely move on from something like that? Well see that's the neat part, you don’t. In fact, Kinger even alludes to how you shouldn't. Even though the memory of losing Queenie is painful, it's what anchors him. He lost Queenie, but he still has everyone else, and he refuses to give up on them. So despite his mind constantly working against him, he does what he can to help his friends. In his own clumsy and confused way, he's there for them.

To me, abstracting isn't going insane. It's giving up. Giving up on yourself and giving up on others. It's easy to get to that point without the occasional necessary affirmation that you shouldn't give up.

This was the hardest lesson Kinger had to learn in the Circus. And he's doing his best to get the others to understand as well. But Kaufmo's recent abstraction proves how unsuccessful he's been.

Thankfully, Pomni takes it immediately to heart.

This is crucial, not just for Pomni's development, but for everyone else. Kinger even assures that it's more important for Pomni to remember than for him to not forget. That's why her name is more than just an ironic punchline, it's meant to represent her purpose in the story. As long as she remembers, hold on to the good, she'll get through it. Kinger is putting just as much faith in her practicing what he just preached as she is in letting him lead her through hell.

Oh no I've made more biblical allegories! The Pomni is Jesus theories are winning!!!

Ok but in all seriousness, we see just how much Kinger's words influenced Pomni's actions in Fast Food Masquerade. It's all but said that Gangle was close to abstracting towards the end of the adventure.

Yeah she’s about to turn into an eldritch horror, but c’mon we’ve all been there after a long shift.

Trying to talk things out didn't work, so Pomni then took a more practical approach to helping her.

Something as simple as allowing Gangle to get some rest and verbally reminding her that she doesn't have to handle things on her own. It's almost poetic how although Pomni can't leave the Circus, she's constantly telling others that they can leave and she's going to help them.

And Pomni doesn't save Gangle all on her own either. It was Kinger's insistence to have Zooble take his spot in the adventure that allowed them to witness Gangle's manic-depressive decline. They also had a practical way of showing support by offering to stay past their designated shift and relieve Gangle of the burden of transporting a drunk Ragatha.

Episode 3 really was all about acts of service, wasn't it.

If Zooble wasn't present for that adventure, they wouldn't have had the full context of why Gangle feels like she's not wanted.

Zooble saying "I still like talking to you" carries far more weight than if they had said, "I like talking to you". Especially when Gangle already feels insecure about how honest Ragatha is with her. Zooble got to see Gangle spiral and still accepts her. On top of that they are adamant about calling her their friend despite her doubts. That means something. Everything really.

This is what cherishing someone looks like.

I think Queenie abstracted because, at some point, Kinger began to neglect her. Perhaps he became so obsessed with finding a way out that he forgot what was most important. It's too early to really say if that's how it went down, but it'd be a poignant bullet point to the tragedy that is Kinger.

So I guess the real question is: How does one lose their wife?

Well in the wise words of Cody Martin

[not-poignant]

Hello!

While reading your March writing schedule, I found myself wondering about your WIP process.

If it’s been a while since you last worked on a WIP (say, more than a month), how do you approach returning to it? Do you reread the last chapter to recapture the tone and flow? Spend time immersing yourself in the mood again? Or do you find it easy to slip back in?

Also, does it ever feel like a chore, or are you eager to return to it? Do you typically have the chapters framed and structured in advance, or do you prefer to let the story flow as you go?

And lastly, does writing fan fiction feel more like a hobby to unwind with compared to your other works, or do you approach it with a similar mindset?

It will always amaze me to see an author maintain so many works in process.

Best of luck with everything and hope things get better.

Henlo anon,

If it’s been a while since you last worked on a WIP (say, more than a month), how do you approach returning to it? Do you reread the last chapter to recapture the tone and flow? Spend time immersing yourself in the mood again? Or do you find it easy to slip back in?

It really depends on the story! Some stories I hold very 'fresh' in my head, others, like Smoke in Autumn I can forget about so much, I once wrote two versions of the same chapter and got 2,000 words in before I realised I'd already written a bunch of the next chapter and just never finished it. (My bad, I should have read it back first). What amused me the most is that the content of both was nearly identical, I'd been imagining 'what happens next' and locked it in, but thought I hadn't written and welp.

Most of the time I will check back through the previous through chapters. Sometimes it's just a skim to remind myself where I am, and sometimes I'll actually properly sit down to get in the 'feel' of where a story is at. Some stories need this more than others. Underline the Red has a very specific atmosphere that I associate with Faber, and his story needs deeper reading.

(It got long and kind of serious - TL;DR a look into the process of an author who has been working on too many stories for 2 years and the costs of that.)

Some stories require a lot more work to get back 'into' - Palmarosa because of all the worldbuilding elements, for example, and because there's so many moving pieces right now. I'd like to write a chunk of that this month and just immerse more. I often have to actually reread a few worldbuilding articles I've written as well as the dialogue notes I've taken. Raphael and Astarion have a similar mannerism of speaking, re: their language, so it's important that I remember that their tone is very different. Raphael never gets that many vulnerable or emotional lines in the game, except for when he's angry, so sometimes I'm guessing with him.

It's probably the story I'm most insecure about because it's attracted the most criticism. So I simultaneously do a lot more legwork to get back into it, and sometimes dread writing a chapter and like 5 people pointing out something I've gotten wrong. Most of the commenters have been amazing, but it's definitely been an experience in... learning that the Forbidden Realms (or BG3) fandom is broadly not that fun to write for. Which is a shame, because the story itself makes me super excited, and there's some particular readers who I've met through that fandom who I think 'oh I hope they read and like this chapter' who I specifically think of and enjoy, but then I think of the less fun pockets of fandom (that have found my fic) and pause a bit. I have to kind of forget that aspect of it in order to get back into it again. (Which is funny, considering it's fanfiction and it is my most 'this is for fun' kind of writing. Just goes to show that different fandoms = different experiences). I think the combo of 'this story is one of the hardest I've written in years for worldbuilding commitment and development + this fandom is one of the most exacting and critical of all the fandoms I've been in' makes it feel like I have to climb a mountain to get to wanting to write chapters again.

(I'm sorry to most of the commenters, because truly, most of you are incredible. I need to save your comments off AO3 so I don't stumble into the less wonderful comments - many of which I've ended up deleting).

Meanwhile stories like Underline the Blue are incredibly easy to slip back into, lol.

Also, does it ever feel like a chore, or are you eager to return to it?

As you can tell from Palmarosa, sometimes it can feel like a bit of a chore. That's very frustrating because I have a few disparate parts of me in conflict. I have high fidelity to my stories and refuse to abandon the story because I think it has the potential to be really good especially upon reread, but it can't be a priority as it's not on the official schedule and it has to be after the writing that helps me eat food and pay bills.

Sometimes I'm also just tired. I can't like, just disappear for 2-3 months. I know I do on some stories, and if a reader only reads one of my stories, and that story is Smoke in Autumn, then they must feel like I go off and live my best life for 8 months at a time, lol. But whenever I'm not working on a particular story, it's because I'm working on like 8 other stories, or editing those stories, or making graphics, or thinking about marketing, or trying to find good excerpts, or replying to comments, or replying to asks, or looking after myself / my sick dog etc. Like I'm not actually on a break this month. I'm just on a 'posting regularly on a schedule' break. I have about 13 chapters I need to edit, I need to write a couple of chapters for April and ideally May to have a buffer in case I get really sick, etc.

That being said, the vast majority of the time I'm excited to return to multiple stories, often at the same time. (Decision paralysis has affected my ability to choose when I'm excited about a bunch). All the Underline stories make me excited, Stain does, Second Star is a bit intimidating right now because there's so much I need to figure out about Kadek, lol, but I'm mostly excited, and I'm very lucky to be writing so many stories I love. Even Palmarosa once I start and get into it, makes me super excited, that one I'm just less eager to start.

Do you typically have the chapters framed and structured in advance, or do you prefer to let the story flow as you go?

I don't structure anything in advance until the very end of a story (and even then, not always, like Constellations never had a structure).

That being said I like the advice of 'don't finish when you run out of things to say, finish writing when you know the next sentence or paragraph, or have an idea of what's going to happen next. That way when you open the document the next day, you aren't sitting in a state of frustration, you already have a place to start.' I usually have an idea of what is taking place in the next chapter based off the chapter I've just written and foreshadowing/plot I've been introducing.

And lastly, does writing fan fiction feel more like a hobby to unwind with compared to your other works, or do you approach it with a similar mindset?

Fanfiction can be my fun writing, it's also my experimental writing, and my 'I wonder what happens if I do this' writing. It's my 'I want to put these two together and see what happens' writing. Sometimes it's harder than anything original I'm doing. Some of the most involved stories I've ever written that needed the most research have been fanfic - Stuck on the Puzzle, the Beast that Chose its Own Bridle and Palmarosa have all required more work and time in worldbuilding and research than anything original I've ever written except for canon Fae Tales.

Now that A Stain that Won't Dissolve is on the schedule it gets treated kind of as professionally as most of my original writing. Anything 'off the schedule' is treated as writing for fun. That includes original writing like Smoke in Autumn which has so few readers comparatively I know it would be a useless story to try and monetise through Patreon/Ream so I don't bother, and update it when I feel like it / when I have time. Palmarosa is 'fanfic for fun' in the sense that yeah, I hate that I can't update regularly but it's also what I'm doing in my spare time as a hobby, and my spare time isn't exactly...generous. :D

It will always amaze me to see an author maintain so many works in process.

I don't like maintaining this many works in progress. This kind of happened as a result of getting medicated for ADHD for the first time in my life and suddenly being able to develop a more efficient system that didn't take into account how sick I was. It was like I planned to always be writing on my best days.

And now I'm disentangling myself as a writer who often writes 2 long stories at a time. For a decade that was all I did, pretty much. This is not normal for me. The last 2-3 years have been kind of a very big and hard lesson, because I didn't feel right putting any on 'until this story is finished I can't come back to this' hiatus. Especially because, in the 'best problem but still a real problem to have' ever, I love every single one of those stories. I love them. I enjoy writing them. I enjoy the characters. I'm not burnt out on the stories or the characters, I'm burnt out on having so many of them going at the same time.

I will never - I hope - work on this many stories ever again. It's overwhelming, and it is challenging to carry so many different worlds etc. in the air. On my good days I can do it, but ngl, I don't think it's a coincidence that my growing burnout / writing less overall / handling less over the past 2 years and needing more breaks coincides with mentally having to hold 8-9 different stories across 5 different worlds in my head.

It's one of those 'I can do it because I know it will end one day, but if you told me I'd have to keep working on this many stories at the same time forever, I'd quit tomorrow.'

I love writing so so much, but it's been a rough 2 years.

Ironically growing more ability to handle things that I never used to be able to do - idk if many readers know this, but for the vast majority of me being on Tumblr and AO3 I never had a schedule, I never posted excerpts, I never had graphics, y'all just got chapters when I had them, sometimes 5 a week, sometimes none for a month. Like for 8~ years of my life and the life of some of the readers here, that was just how it worked - actually has made things much harder on the bad days and the mediocre days.

Stuff that I can do when my executives are functioning (I like to imagine them like a bunch of mostly incompetent besuited idiots in a boardroom who can only very occasionally get their shit together with the help of prescription meth), is still stuff that makes me want to scream and tear my hair out sometimes.

It feels like it has actually taken so many spoons away from my writing (which is, upsettingly, I think why I feel so awful when people say I'm not posting enough excerpts anymore, or get upset when people say the schedule doesn't have enough on it, or is missing a story they really want, and I want to say 'well ironically all this stuff is why I can't write like I used to, but it's also why I can probably pay the bills now, because more readers find my stuff than they used to, so I'm in the Catch-22 of 'yay I can afford more healthcare' and 'now I need more healthcare because of this').

Anyway, I'm sorry anon, some of your questions have a very simple answer of 'yes sometimes I do read back through old chapters to get back into the feel of that story!' :D And some of your questions have a more existential 'the thing that feels most like a chore is this many stories, this much executive functioning, and pockets of this one fandom that will not hesitate to point out that Mephistopheles shouldn't be blue because of that one campaign they read that one time.'

I'm figuring it out. I'm very lucky to have the best readers in the world broadly speaking (truly, I have literally gotten some comments that make me open up a new word document to immediately start a chapter of something, that's a miracle), and stories I love to write, because like if I truly felt writing was a chore, or that the people I was doing it for made it a chore, I really wouldn't be here. This isn't a job you do if you want an easy job dsafflkjdas (retail was way easier, I'm just too physically sick to do it, lol).

[cynassa]

Hi!! would you mind elaborating on the lobotomy and Jason is trans metaphor? 👀 I'm very interested

Hallo! I'm so sorry this is so late and still incoherent but i prommy it is less incoherent than a week ago when I first started writing it in between three microecon assignments SO:

Content warning: talk of abuse, conversion therapy, homelessness, not pleasant about Bruce Wayne

Most of the time I have to say about my headcanons that I don't know where they come from, but with Jason-is-trans, i know EXACTLY where it's from:

"No one's son" – welllllll, there’s a thought. (I know that’s not how Winick intended it, but forget that.)

Now, I'm not sorted on whether he's a man or woman or non-binary or whatever, but I do think this is an important part of who he is. We all focus a lot on what Jason wanted from his father, but it IS important that at some point in this entire mess, he also decided that he's okay with not having parents, and that we basically see him completely reinventing himself.

The rest of it is honestly just vibes. Three specific things stand out to me:

Jason outgrowing the Robin costume/choosing his own identity: this very strongly reads to me as the trans child choosing their own identity while their parent(s) memorialise the child they thought they had. Jason has (both literally) outgrown the costumes his foster father put him in, including the one that Bruce has memorialised forever. He’s about a foot too tall and too big for them, but also he does not want to be Robin anymore. His antipathy to a new Robin would also take on interesting new dimensions if he felt forced to be a certain type of boy in order to be in that costume, and he didn’t want, in fact, to be that type of boy, or a boy at all. Or even if he was okay, at that time, but found after some years that no, actually, this isn’t what he wants to be, and he’s angry then, because people shouldn’t be forced to be a certain type of boy? Anyway, it would be delicious angst-fest but that’s not what I’m writing right now.

All of the bits where Bruce is still mourning Jason when Jason is literally right there: This is so so so on-the-nose for a certain type of parent when their kids tell them they’re trans. Jason is alive, but he’s not Jason, and he’s alive but he’s not the Jason that Bruce imagined he would be, or he’s alive but does he have to be this way, or maybe he isn’t alive really, because how could this be Jason. And all the while Jason is standing there being like ‘I’m alive, my death isn’t the most important thing about me, that isn’t why we see things differently’ while Bruce just keeps insisting that if Jason isn’t exactly the type of man Bruce wants him to be, then Jason doesn’t have the right to exist in Gotham (in comic book terms, this might mean he doesn’t exist at all, as many characters don’t ‘make it’ in solo runs outside of the core stories.) Does that make Jason trans? Not in text! But the metaphor stands.

Forcible medicalisation - In multiple situations, Jason has reacted to his trauma in reasonable (note I do not say pleasant) terms seeing as he’s in a comic book where aliens, demigods, and supervillains are an everyday thing and people keep coming back from the dead. And in response to his trauma he’s been forcibly medicalised for it. Of course there’s the battle for the cowl thing where he was shoved into Arkham. But the most recent being *DRUMROLL* Bruce injecting him (yes I know it wasn’t Bruce-Bruce, but like, he agreed to killing Jason just a few issues later, so I’m not applauding him as father of the year just yet) with something that literally forcibly changes him back to what Bruce thinks he should be. I’m likening it to like conversion therapy.

So I think Jason being trans would be an amazing metaphor for how he’s not the person he used to be, and also he’s not the person that people say he used to be, and how even now that he’s right there, people keep making up a version of him in their minds and never really engaging with who he is. I mean, clearly some of it is just the medium. Jason gets to be competent (sometimes) but never win, because he wouldn’t fit his ‘role’ in the comic books otherwise. But if we’re taking a Watsonian view then it is impossible that Jason is not winning sometimes, because if he were that useless then the Bats wouldn’t engage with him. They do engage with him because he’s dangerous at least some of the time.

Anyway that’s my essay on how I think Jason deserves to be the cool queer cousin who only comes to family events when he thinks there’s going to be a disaster he can laugh at while sipping his cocktails. He can wear his little outfits and keep people guessing on his pronouns (he hands out knives as gifts to anyone who guesses okay).

Thank you so so much @bestangelofall for letting me talk about my favorite Jay headcanon!!

[lu-is-not-ok]

I don't know if this has been mentioned before, but I have a theory about Hong Lu I haven't seen discussed so I was curious of your opinion on it.

As you're aware, there are a few identities where Hong Lu winds up in different jobs bc his grandmother nepo-babied him into different situations (like in the K Corp Class 3 Staff identity) and Hong Lu seems like a generally passive person that moreso allows to let the world happen around him as he rolls with whatever direction the tide takes him (terrible gloom pun intended, sorry).

Maybe I'm wrong, but with what we currently know about him I can't think of a wish that would be important enough for him to go into this whole job with the sinners and abandon his family and life so I've been theorizing his grandmother has a conservatorship or something similar over him and she signed his contract for a wish the family had instead.

Do you have any thoughts, critiques, or corrections for this? You're my favourite limbus blog, so I'm a bit excited to finally have a reason to send an ask in. :)

Thanks!

It's not unlikely for his family to be somehow involved in his employment at Limbus Company, but it is a little bit vague at the moment.

I'm gonna elaborate under a read more cause I got rambly. Also, spoilers from everything up to and including Intervallo 6.5.

We know from the recent Timekilling Time event that the reason Hong Lu isn't with his family right now is because he was told by his elders to explore and learn as much as possible. The way he describes it makes it fairly clear that him leaving his family home wasn't exactly his own choice, but rather something he's doing because he was told to.

This is however where things get a bit less clear. It's possible that his family sent him directly to Limbus Company, knowing that it would lead to him gathering a lot of experience. It's also possible that they just sent him out to do this on his own without much guidance, and when he came across Limbus Company it was his own wish for them to help him achieve the goal the family set out for him.

Identity-wise, it's important to note that the only Hong Lu identities that directly reference being put into the job by his family are once where he is working for Wings, that being K Corp and W Corp.

His Liu Identity also references his family, but doesn't make a direct connection between his spot at Liu and the influence of his elders, rather simply implying that he's unable to escape their influence in his position.

None of his Syndicate Identities really mention his family, which makes sense considering they're the least likely position that his elders would want him to have, but interestingly enough his other Association Identity, Dieci, doesn't reference his family either.

I think it's notable, since arguably his Dieci Identity would be the one where he's able to satiate his curiosity the most, and yet does not reference the idea of his family wanting that out of him at all. That could be potentially explained through the whole Dieci thing of removing their knowledge when they use it in exchange for combat prowess, especially since Hong Lu as a Key seems to be a lot more affected by that exchange, outright losing memories of where he is and why he's there upon spending his knowledge. It's not unlikely that this exchange might have led him to just. Forgetting about his family. Which would be fucking hilarious honestly.

Anyway, all that being said - Hong Lu's family is only ever directly involved when the position he ends up in has some form of... let's call it prestige attached to it, like that of a Wing's feather or an Association Fixer. On the other hand, they seem to be completely out of the picture when the position he ends up in is undesireable, like a Syndicate or low-grade Fixer Office.

This is where we have to consider the nature of Limbus Company as an entity. We know it's a large enough company to have considerable financial backing, sponsors, and be able to absorb other corporate entities like Moses' Fixer Office into itself. At the same time though, it is still almost entirely unknown to the wider world of the City, often not being taken seriously in the slightest by almost everyone.

Would Limbus Company be considered prestigious enough for Hong Lu's family to care to directly involve themselves in getting him the position? Or is it such a small scale entity that they don't care as long as Hong Lu is fulfilling the goal they gave him on his own?

Either way, his family and the orders they gave him are still likely to be his main reason for joining Limbus Company, it's just the matter of how deep their involvement actually goes.