#and occasionally the worst way
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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?
This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.
Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.
New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.
Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.
But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.
You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.
My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.
Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.
#I’m mostly silly or character headcanon focused on this blog#but sometimes I forget some people literally have never interacted with someone slightly outside of their ideologies or don’t learn about#philosophies that don’t pertain to their view point and actively block them out#and so I have like a meltdown and occasionally post about it cause like I see more people hate Danse for regurgitating BoS teachings than#hate Joshua Graham who helped found the legion participated in their practices and still has this weird bloodlust#like make it make sense why do you like this white man genuinly like outside of his aesthetic#I can say silly shit about them hit it’s always I think it’s surreal they even exist while others genuinely wish they did so they could fix#them and some of all don’t realize how quickly jokes lead people down rabbit holes and pipe lines cause ur not gonna see posts even pitying#that man in here#like when I defend Danse it is through the signs and events in game that show he is not stuck in his ways and possibly only adopted those#beliefs because of his tramatic events with super mutants and the bos being very anti anything not human#their are affinity reaction that concern this while Joshua like moans yes when killing the white legs and is always polishing his gun goon#pile like I’ve learned too much about him the Mormon faith and that dlc to be told I’m playing favorites he is not fixable or repentent#this fandom has one of the worst issues of he’s my fave so he can’t do wrong when some of this characters are literal unapologetic rapist#racists or individuals who condone or perpetuate like ideas and concepts like obviously I’m gonna not like them????!#like I still think it’s interest to dissect them and I try so hard to not be a hypocrite but sometimes it’s like the whole this is just a#fun thing for you but like be aware of what you are taking in and reflect like is so important fiction can slowly seep into your morals#I’m rambling and losing track of shit so imma stop here before I reach the tag limit but again dm and ask cause this is the stuff I will#blab about#horrible at normal conversation tho#fallout#fallout new vegas#joshua graham#honest hearts#ask#anon#fallout 3
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Actually I can't stop thinking about Tim gaining a bit of weight during her time as Persephone and it's killing me now
#she's been an immortal for so long she has no idea how she looked before the lunar war#she was 3-4 years younger and matured during that time despite the starvation#and she probably got a buzzcut when she was drafted but nobody kept up with hair regulations bc they couldn't see each other enough#for them to be enforced#After she first got mechanized the eyes were just one of the many parts of ger body she didn't recognize#and it competed in importance with the weight loss and aging and new scars and more#But when she sees herself at a healthy weight as Persephone bc she hasn't had a complete death in so long that she's managed to hold weight#she just cries because she thinks this is how she must have once looked#though her memory fails to give her any confirmation. she can only guess#she sees in the mirror a person who didn't feast on the corpses she could find#and she can pretend she actually Is Persephone- not Tim#that she's lived a happy olympian life and has never died and that she doesn't occasionally unwillingly salivate over brains in the acheron#and the worst part is she Knows this is temporary#her fantasy and joy is limited#limited until the day she doesn't throw a grenade far enough again or the day she annoys Ashes enough to set her on fire#she can't stay this way for the eternity she is so damned to#and once she does experience a full body reset it's an uphill climb to regain that weight again- if she manages to not die in that time#it's the inevitability of it all that really gets me#and also Ashes obviously thinks Tim looking healthier- well taken care of- is hot as fuck. tho they think Tim always looks hot as fuck#but they don't understand why she freezes when they run a hand along her chest now- unable to even feel her ribs unless they press down#or why she starts making flimsy excuses to leave whenever they offer to take her out on their arson runs
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little thing sneaked its way into our house... it was soooo so small, like an earthworm would be longer than this lil dude :] my dad caught it in a towel but apparently it wriggled out into either my room or the garage so. i hope baby is living it up and eating all the harvestmen spiders and ants it wants
#.txt#snakes#herpetophobia#a baby a day#<- tag for critters i find :]#i should Probably be more worried than i an about it being loose somewhere in here but its not venemous And it was so tiny. lil thingy.#im just worried abt hurting the lil guy by accident😭 im more scared of the occasional black widow or scorpion that makes its way in here#but those also arent too bad honestly. the worst thing thats ever happened is that theyre crawling around the floor in the morning#n my dad kills them without a second thought just send it outside plssss😢😔... ill save it just tell me to catch it........
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Was kinda interesting watching Aquaman 2 do that thing Hollywood movies do where a villain barks orders in an non-English language to signal to the American audience that they're foreign and scary, except this time the actress doing it was speaking portuguese so I actually understood everything she was saying and it was just weird and abrupt. I guess they just told her to translate and say the lines in her own language but didn't direct her how to adapt the dialogue accordingly, so she ends up just telling the henchmen to pick up a guy in a very stilted formal factual manner while everything's exploding around them, that was kinda funny.
#not criticizing or blaming the actress here she was allright#it's Aquaman 2 nobody was on their a-game here#anyway movie was actually okay#not the worst thing I had occasionally fun times watching it#by the DCEU standards it was actually pretty good#for better or worse it felt way more like a Monsterverse movie for most of it#you can almost exactly pinpoint the scenes made when it was a major blockbuster sequel project#and the ones they made not giving a shit anymore knowing this was their last dance and just having fun with it#plenty of the ones in the latter are even some of the best in the movie#just Momoa and Wilson dicking around Jumanji sets#ending is very schmaltzy and optimistic and you can pick that and the enviromentalist angle#as what Momoa contributed to the writing because it feels very much an actor writing their hero character's finale thing#not complaining about it tho I find that kind of stuff interesting even if it isn't good#I mean why not go with that at this point#fuck it let's rip off a subplot from Black Panther and end with a limp imitation of the Iron Man 1 ending why not#Aquaman Saves the World and Patrick Wilson Eats A Cockroach and that's how the DCEU ends#honestly a more dignified fashion than it ever deserved to end
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my spicy take of the day is that miscommunication is not the only interesting way to add zest to a ship dynamic. in fact in my opinion most miscommunication plots are a really boring way to add contrived intrigue to a dynamic. especially among friends to lovers ships its just like. okay. well a decent friendship is built on a foundation of communication to begin with. theres so many other ways to make it interesting than just "they dont get each other"
#rimi talks#the occasional miscommunication absolutely happens in friendships sure!!! but a strong friendship includes the ability 2 like. hash that ou#without a ton of drama or assuming the worst of each other etc yk???#and well-written friends to lovers romance will acknowledge that and find OTHER ways to add spice or plot#well-written miscommunication stems from fundamental character flaws + histories and their overall narrative#does this make sense. am i making sense im just thinking abt plots i hate vs plots i enjoy
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I went to the library with every intention of coming home with Joan Didion but I find myself with Fran Lebowitz instead….. thru this metaphor (which is nonetheless true) I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never read didion or listen to lana del ray or make it all the way through rayne fisher quann’s substack (even just the free stuff) or watch twin peaks or pretend I ever want to be sad in the pacific northwest or own a pair of platform doc marten maryjanes and their requisite lacy white socks or even stop vaping (which at least the rayne/lana girls, squinting through their eyeliner, can hopefully appreciate) and indeed I may always just be an ironically-optimistic east coast liberal elite ivory-tower-pilled nicotine-poisoned snob dyke hag looking down on the californicating masses west of the hudson river where the country ought to stop!!!!
#did I do it fran did I ape your style at all is this pithy does it crackle#I don’t really mean this in any serious way. I have an unfortunate habit of saying things I really don’t mean in any serious way#because I find them funny#and I think I confuse at best and dampen my reputation (only occasionally) at worst…#also me pitting two bad bitches against each other…. I’m sorry feminism#fran lebowitz#joan didion#writing#rayne fisher quann
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hi hi okay imagine. stede wants to brush out ed's hair the way izzy always does. maybe izzy is busy on deck taking note of damages after a raid. maybe they had an infestation and he's going over ration spoilage and inventory with roach. ed is tired and cranky and absentmindedly separating sections of curls and tugging them apart at the bottom where they get stuck together in knots. stede offers to help with the tangles, says he would love to give it a go and help ed relax
izzy walks in a few minutes later and immediately comes up and tells stede he's doing it all wrong but also gently takes the brush from him and shows him the right way - where to hold the hair, how to start at the bottom with little sections and work his way up, when to start with his fingers instead of the brush. neither of them can see it but ed is smiling so much his face might actually burst
#ofmd hc#steddyhands#izzy hands#edward teach#stede bonnet#listen. you really think stede knows how to do hair#no way did he have an intimate enough connection with mary to do this for her#and alma's hair looks fairly thin and straight so even if he did give the occasional brush before bedtime long curly hair is so different#especially out in the ocean air?? that is not a ten second process to undo let me tell you#yes I'm strongly in club izzy-did-jeff's-hair but even if he didn't then I think it would have been ed#stede simply doesn't have the experience and know-how - yet#izzy on the other hand. i like to think this is something of a ritual that they have#ed sitting back with his leg stretched out at the end of a long day and izzy behind him first working out the tangles slowly bit by bit#then once all the tangles are gone just brushing from the top of his scalp down the full length of his hair in long and gentle strokes#izzy would have him practically purring and when he's done ed would be ready to fall asleep right then and there#izzy nudging ed to get into bed because he might not care now but he'll care in the morning if sleeping here fucks up his knee or back#(because no one is more of an expert at taking care of ed than izzy)#maybe their ritual can change to involve izzy starting on each section and undoing the worst of the knots with his fingers#then stede following it up with brushing out each section#stede doing the post-tangle brushing until ed's hair is as soft as it can be while izzy lies next to ed with his head in ed's lap#bonus: ed now gets to run his hands through izzy's hair too can you imagine#ANYWAY i'm here for this very soft tender stizzy moment of izzy teaching stede to properly care for ed#just a little post
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Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#ouran high school host club#i watched ouran when i was 13 and repressed ah the classic experience yes yes#and i always said id rewatch but never did. until now cuz im going through something#im like halfway through and yeah id say theres quite a lot that ages like milk lol#like mostly just the way haruhi is treated is just. bad lol#a good thing is i like how haruhi personally feels about their own gender where they really honestly dont fucking care#which was a big relief cuz similar cases will have the ‘secret girl’ character either be really defensive#or you know. be like a naoto where its actually just the most uncomfortable thing ever#but the problem is the way that tamaki and occasionally the twins are like really obsessed with the girl thing#and constantly want haruhi to take on a feminine role cuz that wouldnt threaten their sexuality as much#tamaki in general is written so fucking weird lol and i do remember being based back then and hating him#and i never liked him with haruhi like im sorry hes just the worst option#hes capable of being funny when hes not being weird but I think he still ends up feeling horribly written#like when hes having his DRAMATIC LOVE INTEREST moments they just feel so horribly out of place#and theyre often times just badly aged tropes also the way haruhi is written in relation to the other members is weird#like i can see why theyd like the other characters but ive not really seen any reasons for them to like tamaki#but then the show will just randomly be like ‘oh yes haruhi thinks tamaki is a lovely person’ and its like. ooookay?#its ass lol and im probably preaching to the choir but like. haruhi is way better with a woman right?#i just know some desperate ass bastards have made some haruhi/renge content and i get it#other than that stuff i dont like i will say i enjoy what exists outside of the weird haruhi stuff#i like the characters and the concept is very funny and the episodes where everyone is normal are charming#and you know i gotta appreciate it for the impact it had on lame ass gay people even if the queer content is messy#ouran was just like. what we had for a long time. or at least was the most popular anime that featured queerness in some positive capacity#but also like. as it goes with this stuff once youve gotten to see better representation#you look back and youre like wow. im so fucking glad we can do better than this dogshit 😩
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tags continued from prev post.
#and all of this is true while it is ALSO true that her songs age incredibly well#even debut or random soundtrack songs or endgame#whatever song people try to put on the worst Taylor songs list NEVER QUITE BELONGS#it doesn’t feel right. and to some extent occasionally in mercurial flashes I feel the same about her BEST songwriting list#I can never rank anything of hers ever because she can write better than she has written#if anything finds her own songwriting dead it’s what her future self will be able to achieve#and I think sometimes even the public can SENSE this about her and it’s part of why people are sooooo hard on her in a brutal way#and in a way they never are with other artists. who have reached the limits of their potential#Taylor has not reached the limits —that’s the simple way of saying it#in some way she is still figuring out the artist she is going to be#and I really do think that it is going to be absolutely astonishing#because in some ways (this is going to sound crazy) she is still distracted by her success and her tour#she’s NOT but I mean. the canon hasn’t been fully set free#there are still somehow things holding her back#and we’ve watched her outstrip so much of those early confines that fame and the business of the music industry strapped around her#we’ve seen her say ‘that doesn’t apply to me’#but actually she’s going to and she needs to and I believe she WILL continue to move into rarefied air#my mom helped me give me the final piece of this feeling (and it’s just a deep gut intuition/brain chemical thing for me)#when she said one day almost in mild exasperation: maybe one day Taylor will grow into a Dolly Parton#and something CLICKED#in my brain. and I don’t agree with my mom in terms of her non-interest in Taylor (as much as it has pained me to do so)#I think she’s worth loving and paying attention to now#but that gap that exists between people who love her and people who don’t (full time haters internet trolls do not interact)#I think it’s going to close with time as her work stretches out and out and grows and changes#like I think by the end of her career we are going to have something so astonishing#and to loop it back for a second to a previous thought. I think that’s why sometimes a taylor song can sound disjointed to me. because it#will hit the Depths of the Depth for a second. it will transcend and then it will go back to merely being an excellent pop song#those flashes are everywhere in her work but I think she is going to work and hone them into being conductors of light in a more steady way#the older she gets. does this sound INSANE. idk sometimes I think it does and then sometimes I think it DOESNt. so who knows. but yeah#it’s hard to say because I know it will read as more critical of Taylor than I mean it to be. when really I mean it with so much awe
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alright im giving in im finally asking. what in the everloving fuck is narines
HIIIII HELENA honestly I'm so glad you asked I think you'd love them but BASICALLYYYYY one of my mutuals, hella, @tbos-main, has this really cool original fantasy wip, the blood of serpents, which I am OBSESSED with so I do fandom post about it like any other media, and two of the characters are nate and rin. well. naithairan and herines technically but I'm on nickname basis with them. and I can explain tbos in more detail but since you asked about narines specifically, they are two characters who are very much on opposing sides of the central conflict and in a way that IS irreconcilable like. it has to be genuine all consuming hate it's bad. but they're also narrative foils and parallels and whatnot and outside of the main ideological difference in regards to the central conflict, they are very similar people in a very fucked up way, they're both martyr figures with a lot of religious themes, they both have had to learn the language of violence well, they both are willing to go to unfathomably low depths of morality and monstrousness in the pursuit of protecting the people they love, they're both incredibly calculating and callous, and so they have this INSANEEE dynamic that is very much "I see me in you I see everything I hate about myself in you I need to kill you because I need to be killed but yet I cannot kill you because that would be like taking a knife to myself and we recognize each other deeply and intimately in a very specific way no one else can and I HATEE you for it" and so like. they should fuck about that. obviously.
#and they are NOT CANON I SHOULD WARN. IT STARTED AS A JOKE BECAUSE THEY ARE SO INCOMPATIBLE AS A GENUINE SHIP#CANNOT BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS EACH OTHER.#but the GREATTT thing about their homoeroticism is that violence is like. chill to both of them#like they're both trying to hurt each other as much as possible they're trying to break each other#but neither of them is greatly affected by violence. so the way they choose to break each other instead#is that very occasionally in these homoerotic and non canon scenes#there will be a touch of gentleness. there's a scene where nate bites rin HARD and draws blood but he kisses first#and rin FREAKS out he's like “don't you DARE.”#and then the vivisection. where rin literally unironically gently talks nate through having a HAND DIGGING IN HIS GUTS🫶#many such cases#and that touch of gentleness is too much from the worst person on earth who you hate so much#and it's worse than violence to them it's worse than violence to experience that from each other#which is just. SO INTERESTING THEY ARE SO INTERESTINGGGG#I'm assuming you mostly asked this though cause of my tags on that post I rbed from you#so as for THAT#hella has a bit of saying she hates this ship so much and one time#she said basically “dark tbosmaucu is the only universe where narines absolutely couldn't happen thank god”#and then later at some point basically jokingly said it's cause they're medicated in that one#(medicated as in. nate self medicates. with hard drugs.)#and dark tbosmaucu btw is the acronym for “dark the blood of serpents modern au cinematic universe”#cinematic universe both because that's always a funny joke and because we do genuinely have like 6 or 7 versions of tbos modern aus#and the dark one is just basically modern au but you go really ham on the tragic backstory like aftg levels of what the actual fuck#which theoretically should bring the levels of trauma in the modern au the closest to how they exist in canon#and yet. hella shut down narines in that universe😔#anywayyyy. sorry I leave incomprehensible tags on your posts do you still think I'm hot😘#ask#miseria-fortes-virios#hi helena!
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Auto-combat games with 15 different microquests that repeat over and over again for the rest of time making the game a never ending tutorial my beloathed
#I try to play these types of games occasionally#because I’m bored and I’ll download anything from the app store if it catches my attention#but god they are truly the fucking worst#why you would make an entire game out of everyone’s least favorite part of a game — though it is necessary — is beyond me#the only one I’ve ever played that I could stand for more than like 3 days was one about being a little mushroom creature#possibly not the one you’re thinking of. not the one about marrying an entire town (which I don’t think I would qualify in this genre)#like. these games aren’t so bad if the quests are progression based#but the really shit ones will endlessly ask you to do miniscule amounts of boring tasks#like doing a 10 pull on a weapon summons despite you having way more tickets for it than that#and then ask you to come back to claim ur quest reward and hand u the next microquest#and all of these are considered separate tasks so instead of tracking how many summons u’ve done and marking your progress so u can just —#— do as many as ur gonna do and then you can turn in for that number of quest rewards#ur just endlessly going back and forth between menus. bored out of your mind and wondering when the game will stop dragging you along thru—#— this goddamn tutorial#but then eventually you realize the whole fucking game is that way#like I don’t know if they’re trying to actively worsen my attention span#or if they’re trying to set up the world’s laziest dopamine farm#(spoiler alert it’s probably both. cause worse attention span will make u more reliant on dopamine)#anyway I fucking hate these games I really need to stop giving them a chance#like I said the ones that are progression based and will track ur progression regardless of where you are in the quest chain —#— not that bad. can actually be fun#turn-in based ones?? actually the devil’s armpit. stinky. bad#ok I’m done ranting
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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For Left, one of his worst fears is the destruction of his home, failing to be there for the Toppats he swore to protect when they needed him the most.
#adlh au#left#nightmare#while having something bad happen to reg and right is also a fear and occasional nightmare#his worst fear is failing to protect the toppats and his home in space#ill probably draw a happier left later#but this idea wormed its way to my brain and then my hand slipped
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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This shit is so ass I just want it to be over
#the moment i saw it has FFX But From Wish.com my intelligence 100% just feels insulted#it was already boring this entire time but disrespecting X's point by turning it into a cheap commodity device is kicking my nuts#just spitting on Sakaguchi by trying to copy his homework in the hopes idiots will clap like seals bc they recognize the reference alone#but when hasn't msq's point been pushing out nostalgia and by the book trope slop for the sake of illiterate's money#gameplay and collectables is all this shit has ever had aside from the occasional side story or side character#i like the collectables. the gameplay is interesting enough. i have a story of my own at home.#they even ripped off IX for more HEY YOU REMEMBER FF9 RIGHT? BUY OUR GAME BC WE SAID ALEXANDRIA & MIMICKED SOME BUILDINGS#YOU'LL BUY IT AND LIKE IT JUST BC IT SAYS SOLUTION NINE LIKE ZIDANE EVEN WHEN IT HAS NOTHING IN LINE WITH FF9- YOU DUMB TOOL#the solution 9 plot is just the twist from ff9 but if it had nothing to do with anything aside from being one giant reference#it's never made to fit xiv itself and it only appears at literally the last quarter of the story with virtually zero mention of it before#and then to drag it out even more they added a sprinkle of ffx fayth but make them disconnected from the themes and have no personal connec#with the protagonist (s)#everything before this is pure seasonal anime lowest grade shounen tropes with no seasoning bc it's played so predictably flat and straight#zero novelty beyond fringe ideas that just get mentioned w/o much writing behind them which this game loves doing#they love mentioning shit just to postpone it to the last second when it's suddenly important despite having no depth attached before#saves money on actually having to write a complete story#they even got Wish.com Steiner in here lmao#if anything the time for them to rip off IX was in EW because those stories actually have themes in common to make some sense#also the way characters are expendable to the story in the sense the game forgets they exist after they play their role#is at the worst it's ever been- they drop even long time main characters like flies once their exposition is done#it's so abrupt too just when you think a character might contribute more they're already gone#this expac is everything bad about the game which makes it worse than bad- it's unbearably boring and tedious#even characters that were HYPED IN THE TRAILER literally only show up for a few lines of dialogue then leave
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