#and obviously test is different since we need it for medical reasons not gym reasons. But if you're after gains think on it.

[emsloe]

Women gain strength at the same relative rate as men with proper resistance training. Testosterone does increase a person's baseline amount of muscle, but at a high level of training women are still about 70% as strong as men. In fact, a woman broke a few all-gender world records in powerlifting for her weight class (she was definitely roiding, but then again, we can generally assume all the men there do too. Make of it what you will).

Anecdotally, before I started medically transitioning, back when I was presumably biologically indistinguishable from a cis woman, it only took a couple years of proper strength training to go from "weaker than average by female standards" to "regularly out-lifting men at my local gym despite being much smaller than them." This was after I switched from machines/high-rep hand weights/bodyweight exercises (which do basically nothing by themselves) to heavy compound barbell lifts.

Nowadays, when I go to a busy gym, I frequently see men training for strength and size, and women doing the fairly ineffectual lighter weight exercises. And that's only looking at people who actually made it to the gym--there are always more men than women there. So yeah, I think the "gendered strength gap" is mostly socially engineered.

“If a society puts half its children into short skirts and warns them not to move in ways that reveal their panties, while putting the other half into jeans and overalls and encouraging them to climb trees, play ball, and participate in other vigorous outdoor games; if later, during adolescence, the children who have been wearing trousers are urged to “eat like growing boys,” while the children in skirts are warned to watch their weight and not get fat; if the half in jeans runs around in sneakers or boots, while the half in skirts totters about on spike heels, then these two groups of people will be biologically as well as socially different. Their muscles will be different, as will their reflexes, posture, arms, legs and feet, hand-eye coordination, and so on. Similarly, people who spend eight hours a day in an office working at a typewriter or a visual display terminal will be biologically different from those who work on construction jobs. There is no way to sort the biological and social components that produce these differences. We cannot sort nature from nurture when we confront group differences in societies in which people from different races, classes, and sexes do not have equal access to resources and power, and therefore live in different environments. Sex-typed generalizations, such as that men are heavier, taller, or stronger than women, obscure the diversity among women and among men and the extensive overlaps between them… Most women and men fall within the same range of heights, weights, and strengths, three variables that depend a great deal on how we have grown up and live. We all know that first-generation Americans, on average, are taller than their immigrant parents and that men who do physical labor, on average, are stronger than male college professors. But we forget to look for the obvious reasons for differences when confronted with assertions like ‘Men are stronger than women.’ We should be asking: ‘Which men?’ and ‘What do they do?’ There may be biologically based average differences between women and men, but these are interwoven with a host of social differences from which we cannot disentangle them.”

— Ruth Hubbard, “The Political Nature of ‘Human Nature’“ (via gothhabiba)

Yes.

[neshabeingchildish]

Poly, Wanna? Ch. 12

Since Tumblr is experiencing things... Idek if anybody will be able to see this. @chenoahchantel @adorkable-blackgirl @henry-p-fart @up-the-tube

I haven’t done this in a while, or for her yet, but I wanted to dedicate this chapter to lil’ mama Lizzie. Thank you for being a lil’ goofball source of goodness on a daily basis. Thanks for the group chat. I’m the oldest human there, but it’s such a good collection of good kiddos. 

Home

"Hi. I know that we can't really discuss the nature of the other work for the show but this confessional seat is pretty much where I've been laying down my burdens so that's what's going to happen today. I think I finally realized something about the workforce. One of the reasons that I haven't been able to stay in the labs, that I haven't been able to put up with a lot of the crap that they expect you to put up with..  I feel like it's mundane and not very direct results. Sure something that I work on right now may help somebody one day, but whenever I work here whatever mark that I did, helped someone THAT day. I was having adventures and making a difference in a pretty regular basis and the entire time, I was simply trying to get a paycheck and also help others. Now, the help that I give others is a slow process and the journey includes pompous, pretentious dudes that insist that they're better, smarter, and more experienced than you, therefore, you don't even always get approved to do the work that you COULD do. When I worked here, my supervisor encouraged me to test things out and he admitted that I'm smarter than him. I've been smarter than everyone that I've ever worked under… but Schwoz is the only person who's ever validated that fact. Whenever I worked here, it was like a family. It was a community. Out in my fields of study, it's always a competition and I'm always clipped at the knees while the big name boys get their headstarts, their funding, their approvals, their awards and recognition… but, I'm a grown woman. I have to decide if I wanna push harder and drain myself just to catch up with them, or stay out of the way. 

Singing in nightclubs and serving drinks isn't beneath me, but my parents are right about one thing… it isn't what I worked so hard for all of these years. So I could give up on my years of studying and work and just find something that I'm passionate about, or work hard to be the best, even on an unfair playing field..  but in the meantime I will be settling back in here. I just feel so at home…" 

Whenever Captain Man and Mr. Feelgood came down the tubes, Charlotte was in the control panel, with Schwoz behind her, talking. "And if I had access to it, my research would make him look like the 20th century scientific charlatan that he is!"

"I support this!" Schwoz cheered.

Henry leaned over the two of them. "What's going on?"

"Charlotte's going to use my resources to stick it to the Man!" Schwoz said. 

Captain Man wondered, "What did I do, now?"

"The industry, Ray. You’d be surprised to learn that even in the scientific community, where everyone is there to further humanity with knowledge, truth and solutions, a lot of them are grossly prejudiced and oppressive,” Schwoz said, thinking about his own run ins with American scientists who felt like he knew less because they weren’t familiar with his country or his accent.

“I wouldn’t be surprised that people who went into the kind of work that was advanced at the violation of numerous enslaved African peoples and their descendants, not to mention several Jewish people and other marginalized groups who have been used as lab rats and sometimes still aren’t given viable scientific solutions to their needs,” Captain Man said, with a shrug.

Feelgood raised an eyebrow and wondered, “What have YOU been reading?”

Captain Man answered, “This bizarre story about me that for some reason had all of these science facts in it. I didn’t really get it, but the photos were GREAT!” Feelgood noticed Charlotte hiding a smile and he just HAD to know more, but needed to blow this bubble first and get comfortable.

When he was Henry again, he beckoned to Ray with a hand, “Alright, Dude. Let me see this story you speak of.”

Ray pulled out his phone and showed Henry an archive. It took Henry all of 15 seconds to realize that these were simply scientific and social justice essays that somebody had peppered in numerous photos of “The Most Handsome Man in Swellview EVER” and given titles such as, “Scientific Racism is an Ugly Part of Our Practices, But Ray Manchester is the Opposite of Ugly.” “This is interesting. It seems like the kind of thing to have a niche market of JUST YOU.” Henry told him.

“I follow it,” Charlotte and Schwoz both said. Schwoz with a shrug, as thought he OBVIOUSLY would follow such a thing. Charlotte, with a smile, because Henry knew good and damn well that these were her words. She added, “Along with Miss Shapen, Nurse Cohort, Mrs. Dunlop, YOUR MOM…” She listed off subscribers. “Piper hate follows to put things in the comments like, “I once saw him fuss with a squirrel and taunt it by saying, ‘I’ve got some nuts for you to choke on!’ which, in 3 years’ time is still the top comment on any of the posts.”

Ray groaned, “I would be insulted, but I got several ‘Do you have any nuts for me to choke on?’ messages, so Piper lost again.” He finished with a smile and headed to the auto snacker for a bucket of fries.

“Why would someone do this?” Henry asked, trying to hand Ray his phone back, but eventually gave up because of the huge size of fries and just stuck it in his pocket.

“Maybe, someone knew that there are certain people who would only be willing to receive information from such a source,” Charlotte said. 

*Holds up photograph of Ray. “Basically, if you ever want Ray Manchester to pay attention to something, the best way is to put his photo onto it. It started as an experiment, to be honest. I was trying to do a paper on narcissism for a psychology credit, and was using him as a study. But, then, I realized that I could actually get him to LEARN THINGS that I would have had to either accept that he never would or browbeat into him in the past. Now, Ray can recite to you statistics of scientific racism and how the medical field still fails minorities to this day, among other very important topics that his brain might have previously shut out.”

*Ray speaking. “Everything as harmless as poor lighting and unflattering makeup selections while on screen, to things as dangerous as not being able to detect signs of skin cancer in brown skinned patients! Right there, next to my smiling face and luxurious skin!” *Shakes his head. “I can probably trust a makeup artist or a doctor to take care of me, but Charlotte and her really hot mom might not!” *Shakes his head. “This world. It’s ugly. But you know who’s not? This guy.” *Holds up an article with the title: This World, It’s Ugly. But You Know Who’s Not? This Guy, with a photo of a young Ray in a horse sweater. “I don’t know where this person gets all of these photos, (*whispers) but they’re all perfect.”

.

Jasper and Charlotte had discussed the letters from Henry and she decided that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to read them, but told Jasper that if he felt the need to do so, he should. She and Henry were getting along pretty well and she worried that reading things that she had decided to try to move past might damage that and stir up strife and trauma that she wasn’t interested in. “If I were to say that I’m not curious about what Henry had to say for apparently 467 days, that would be an enormous lie. But, I’m also terrified of what finding out some of that might do to us. Jasper thinks that it needs to be done now, while everything is still new and fresh and it can’t hurt later. But… It can’t hurt later if he just burns them now, either.” *Shrugs her shoulders.

Charlotte still had leave of absence time from the doctor, even though she was fine, thanks to Schwoz. So, whenever Jasper and Henry were away, she was usually making herself pretty much at home and making the space a little more compatible with her. They hadn’t talked moving in together or anything, but… she hadn’t left yet and Jasper kept bringing more of their things over with each night that they spent there. She would chill in the Man Cave with Ray and Schwoz, work on her project that Schwoz was helping out with and back him up whenever the heroes got an alert. But, if Jasper was available, she spent her free time with him. And if the three of them were free, they spent that time together. The only times that she was with Henry alone was at night, when Jasper was bartending, on those nights that Swellview didn’t need their hero.

That was when the conversation came up again, “Are you ever gonna read them?” He wondered. She tensed up at the question, but blinked shortly afterwards and stared at him. He had been giving her a pedicure (since hers hadn’t gotten done at the spa that day) and he still felt bad about that. Plus, he had hella products for that at home. Between the two of them - her holistic healthcare and organic, natural, DIY beauty care, and his high maintenance grooming and wellness… This place was an apothecary, pharmacy, spa, gym… He’d even started making certain that he got handcrafted beers shipped in, since he knew that was what Jasper preferred to drink and he really wanted both of them to kinda… never wanna leave.

“How important is it to you that I read those letters? Are they worth my current peace of mind? Are they worth our current connection?” She asked.

He squeezed her foot affectionately and kissed it, “Nothing is worth that. I just didn’t know it NOT reading them would possibly risk that as well, perhaps?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not crazy about change. Things are already in the process of changing, but this change seems good. Do you think that whatever I read there would be a change for the better? Would it improve what is already happening, in any way? Or, do you just want me to have to know what you were going through while I was going through what I was going through, because I refused to grant you that attention whenever I was going through it?” Her foot was rested against his chest and he was stroking it lovingly, absentmindedly. She pulled it away gently and she shrugged his shoulders. “Well, when you can answer me that, I can answer your question. For right now, the answer is that I don’t want to do it. I can’t see how it would help anything.”

“I respect that.”

“I actually hate it.” - Henry

.

Jasper got home anywhere from 3-4:30 am, depending on how busy the lounge was or how much cleaning up he had to do. Usually, whenever he got home, Charlotte was asleep. Henry had a habit of waiting up for him. It was hard for him to sleep whenever he didn’t know that Jasp was home safe and staying awake made him less tired than interrupted sleep did. Charlotte sometimes slept in her bed, whenever she wanted to be immersed in her sleeping experience, unbothered and Jasper would join her whenever he got home. (His room was currently where he and Charlotte’s clean, but not folded laundry and other unpacked stuff was being stored. They lived in her room and visited Henry’s as frequently as though it were their own. 

His favorite nights were those when Charlotte didn’t necessarily want to be alone and slept in his bed. He still waited up for Jasper, but sometimes, she cuddled against him and went to sleep on him while he waited and played video games or watched something. Whenever Jasper would get home, Henry would be ready for bed and Jasper would generally wash up and come into bed, being the one who got to decide their placement for the night. Would he be in the middle? Would Henry? Would Charlotte? Whatever he chose, Henry was always happy, because they were both still there. 

Then there were the times that they were all home at night and got to settle into bed together! Rarely did one of the others suggest just going to their own room tonight, if all of them were there. They just went into Hen’s like it was the most natural thing in the world for all of them to be in bed together, sleeping and cuddled up - some nights just awake, talking in the candlelight until someone fell to sleep first and the other two gushed over them quietly. 

Actually, now that Henry thought about it… he had a different type of favorite night. Those nights whenever he had to leave for a mission before anybody went to bed, or when nobody else was there, and he came home, tired, weary, sore, etc… and they were both waiting for him. Either awake and worried because the mission seemed serious, or asleep in his bed, figuring that they would have been alerted if it had been something to worry about. 

Whenever he came home from a night of work and soothed away his pain and problems in a hot shower, knowing that within moments he could lay his head on a pillow or a person that he loved very much… ugh. Priceless.

.

Henry came into the dining room, from sessions in his office, to find Jasper at the table, with his letters, doing something with them. He didn’t want to interrupt… But, he appeared to possibly be destroying them and it was reflexive. “What are you doing?” He snapped. Jasper jumped and was clearly startled and taken back for a moment. Henry noticed, felt terrible, and calmed down. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” Softer, he wondered, “What are you doing, there?”

Jasper’s hands shook a little and he set a letter down in a stack, face down and said with a low voice, “Organizing these for Charlotte.”

“What do you mean organizing? They were dated and in order. Did you like drop the stack, or something?”

“No, Henry. I didn’t. I thought that you said these belonged to us, now?”

“I did. They do. I’m just curious.”

“If you must know, I’ve separated them into categories. These are angry. These are sad. These are blunt and realistic. These are the ones that are the sweetest. They’re going into this scrapbook that I’m making for Charlotte. These other ones are going to be possibly shelved, possibly explored at her convenience. She’ll likely want to get into a certain headspace, cleanse them of their energy and ground herself before attempting to look at them. I don’t want her triggered whenever she tries to!” His voice got louder as he explained, until he was almost yelling. He rolled his eyes at Henry and began to collect his stuff.

“Where are you going?”

“Where you aren’t gonna come fussing at me just because Charlotte’s not around.”

“That’s not what I… Jasper, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like I was fussing. Thank you for doing this. It’s so thoughtful and sweet. Charlotte is lucky to have you.”

“Yep,” Jasper said, angrily and kept going.

“Where is she, anyway?” 

“In the Man Cave. Go spin this however you need to.”

“I’m not…” Henry rubbed his eyes, frustrated as Jasper went into his room and slammed the door. 

“I can only guess that he recently read Day 273 recently…”

*Jasper taking deep breaths and clenching the air in front of his face to strengthen and center himself, then clears his throat. “Day 273. Dear Charlotte, I feel like I shouldn’t write that I love you anymore. I feel like I maybe should stop this altogether. Jasper and I are getting closer than I expected and it is starting to scare the hell out of me. I found myself wishing that I had you around to talk to about it. I found myself questioning if I was moving on from you and wondering if I should. Jasper is great. He’s everything right in the world and he seems to be really into me. I wish that I could love him, but I feel like I’d be betraying you again. Which… That’s hella stupid, right? We’re fucking. That’s betrayal, right? Or, is it okay, because I never really had feelings for him? He told me that he loves me recently. I told him that I love him too. I didn’t mean it like that, but I didn’t really wanna get into it. I would feel so much better if I thought that I could have your blessing. I know that it hurts him the way that I never quite let him in, but I can’t help it. It always feels like he’s trying to take your place, but I don’t want anybody else to take that place. Not even Jasper. I care about him, but… He’s just not you, never will be, and I don’t know if I could ever see him the way he wants me to, because I don’t know how low that would be of a blow to you. He said that you’ve cut him out now, too. I guess after 3 months of fucking your ex he felt obliged to share that info with you. I already feel like you probably hate me more. If you didn’t feel some type of way about it, you wouldn’t have blocked him. You still care! And knowing that, I just… I can’t move on. I’m not gonna say that I love you anymore. But, I know that you care..” *Slams down the paper into the “blunt and realistic” stack.

Henry came to the Man Cave and Charlotte was looking at her phone, and seemingly about to go - wrapping things up with Schwoz. “Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?” He wondered. 

She sighed and shook her head, “I’m sorry, Henry. I have to go see about Jasper.”

“I figured. I just wanted to say…”

“Say it on the way, Dude. Booty Bear is having a meltdown. What happened?”

“I think it's the letters. One in particular…” Henry said and ran a hand through his hair. “There was a time, about six months in when I was thinking about giving me and Jasper an actual try and I wrote to you about it, but basically decided not to.”

“This is why I don’t really understand WHY those letters ever had to leave your goddamn possession!” She fumed and shook her head as they got on the elevator. “Why would ever hand him something like that?”

“I figured it was better for it to happen now than it come out later somehow and what happened with you happened with him, or with both of you. I… am trying to hard to get everything out in the open and clarified and comprehended. We can’t ever become, if we don’t deal with the shit.” He fought to not cry. The last time he cried when he didn’t have a right, it only pissed her off. He shook his head and whispered, “I almost fucking died. I still have scars from that night. I still have nightmares sometimes. And, even though I was hostage for all those hours and ultimately had to fucking kill someone…”He clenched his fists, “That wasn’t the worst part of the night.” He started laughing and turned to face the wall, because he knew that the tears were coming. 

“Hen…”

“No. Sorry… I just… Go, um… Go make sure he’s okay. Tell him I’m sorry and I love him, K?” She rubbed Henry’s chest and nodded, then pulled him in for a hug. The elevator doors opened and Jasper was standing there. He slumped his shoulders and sighed. Charlotte patted Henry on the back and got off to check on Jasper. Henry went back down.

“I coulda done without seeing that today,” Jasper admitted.

“Yeah. I coulda done without you actually reading those stupid letters, but Henry said something that made me… give pause. I’ve been thinking that this was so important to him because I never let him tell me how he felt. Do you think maybe it’s so important to him because now that he’s said it, he doesn’t want it to seem like secrets that he’s keeping from us? He doesn’t want another night like that night… and I never knew how bad it had been for him. I never gave him a chance to speak. I was so done that I didn’t even think about what he’d been through. I didn’t even weigh it out against what I was feeling. I was so hurt…”

“You had every right to be hurt. You had every right to feel how you felt and do what you did, Charlotte. And, you’ve had no real reason to give him another chance, but here we are, seemingly doing just that. We’re… in a relationship with him. You realize that, right? It’s like the one that I had with him, where shit is really not spoken about and a little unclear, but we all know good and goddamned well that it’s a thing that’s happening. I just… Do you think that I’m here because he wants you and he knows he has to have me as part of the package? Do you think that he… Do you think that he could ever love me anywhere near the level that he loves you?” Jasper’s eyes were watery.

“Yeah. I think that he does love you that much. I think that those letters are a part of his past. I think that how he hurt you is a part of your past. I think that my anger at him is a part of my past. They’re parts that we have to fucking figure out, J. But… They’re the past, still. He told me himself he’s sorry and he loves you. Look. Let’s do this… Let’s… take those letters that both of you have been obsessed with for the past couple of weeks and let’s just… figure out at least those parts together. The three of us. How does that sound?”

“You said that you didn’t want to do that. You didn’t want to stir up any bad emotions. I don’t want you to do that for me, Charlotte.”

“Well… I don’t want to do it, but I know that I have to. For us.”

He took her into a hug. “You’re always gonna love me, even if it turns out that he doesn’t, right? And if I feel heartbroken by that, you won’t be mad and me and will know that it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay. Thank you. Henry snapped at me tonight and I just… I’d already been transported to that time with the letters and hearing him speak to me harshly just took me deeper in. He can’t talk to me like that.”

“He sure can’t and I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind about it, too! Then, we’re all gonna detox, okay?” Jasper nodded. She kissed him on the cheek and texted Henry.

Come home now. We all gotta talk.

[lucysweatslove]

There is something to be said about starting over.

Truthfully, though, I’m not sure what it is. My story is not new or unique; I’m just a woman in her mid-20s trying to figure out how to be herself again, or what that ever would look like. Few paths are linear, or even with one definitive trend. We start, we stop, we remodel and backtrack or go in an entirely different direction. I came back to tumblr for two reasons: 1, I really believe blogs are helpful in my planning, recording, and motivation for any part of my life, and 2, I tried a few other types of blogs and didn’t like them. Tumblr was where I got my life in order when I went to college. I made connections with people who helped me, in various ways, connect the dots in my own life as I became an adult. And then, for some reason, it stopped being that space. I could blame this change on politics, and honestly, deep in my mind, I do. Even prior to Trump taking office, or his campaign, tumblr’s focus shifted heavily to politics and the state of the world’s affairs. Understandable, and I harbor no ill will to those using their platforms to speak about what they believe to be right, but that shift took over my feed. Instead of positivity, I felt anger and desperation. Facebook, school, or work were places for politics- tumblr was my place without it. Tumblr was my place to work on my own health, inside and out, ignoring the health of our society. I could not- and still can’t- focus on my health while being bombarded with reminders of the degradation of the world. I don’t remember when exactly I stopped being on Tumblr for good, but it wasn’t recently. In the years since then, I didn’t have a place to hold on to my health, and I’ve deteriorated. I hate it. I don’t hate myself, nor do I hate the workings of my body, but I see myself and I am discouraged and disgusted. I try to do basic things, like body weight squats, that used to be easy activities, and I struggle. Some of this is related to age, some of it is related to health issues, and some of it is related simply to poorly managed stress. I have made numerous attempts now to get myself back to the health I was in 4-5 years ago. A previous post from 2018 on this very blog shows that off. In early 2019, I attempted a keto diet- which, even though I was very consistent with, did not “work” for me. I’ve started other blogs (which obviously failed), personal journaling, linking up with different food tracking apps, going to the gym more regularly, intuitive eating, even a well designed rewards program based off of the psychology and neuroscience of behavior modification and rewards- they all failed in the end (although the rewards program was wildly successful for the two months I did it, but after it ended and I went on a trip, it became too difficult to keep up). The problem with all of these attempts has been a lack of integration. Any attempt at in-person or even online but direct social support has been futile, and my attempts and feigning the idea of support or accountability (eg, a blog as I feel the “support” whether or not it is actually read) haven’t integrated what actually works best for me: numbers. I need all pieces to come together, and so far, I haven’t been able to do that. It’s like working on a large puzzle where the pieces continually go missing. You have one piece in your hand, but can’t find the piece it connects to, and when you finally do, the first piece mysteriously vanished. I think big parts of my difficulties the last two years especially have been medication and health. Right before I started this blog, I was started on a new antidepressant and anti anxiety med. This first made me REALLY sleepy, so as I was adjusting, I slept so much that I didn’t eat regularly. When that resolved, I thought I was doing fine on the medication, but without changing anything else, I experienced many side effects, including a 20 pound weight gain and a whole host of weird, systemic/somatic concerns (I was even lactating a small amount). I stayed on it because my anxiety seemed better, even though I felt all my emotions were dull. When this medication stopped working for my depression, I finally decided to switch it- and that was a process that lasted, no lie, over six months. I tried medication that gave me horrible heart palpitations, dizziness, tachycardia, and erratic blood pressure readings. I tried genetic testing. My psych moved practices. It was a mess. During this process, I tried multiple times to start going to the gym. There was ALWAYS something wrong. I would go consistently for two weeks, and then I would develop muscle spasms in my back. I couldn’t do yoga anymore because I developed a soft tissue injury in my left hand and could no longer put weight-bearing pressure on that hand. In early November, I developed an upper respiratory infection that lasted two months, required two courses of antibiotics, and still hasn’t fully resolved. But now I need to be determined. My honeymoon to Cancun is in 13 weeks, and every day now counts. While I can’t solve all my problems in a mere 91 days, nor will I have my “best body ever,” I am determined to be able to enjoy the beach vacation with my husband without letting my body, my insecurity, or my complete lack of fitness stop me. When is started paying attention to my diet, I was technically obese (just barely, but still). This number hit me hard. I remember crossing the line from normal weight to overweight and sobbing, so angry that I had let myself down. I remembered how awful I was treated by my peers the last time I had such a high weight. Now, I would love if I could reach that weight before my honeymoon. My “goal,” which I have entered into MyFitnessPal, is to lose 30 pounds starting from last week at 176.2; this would place me at 146.2 and a BMI just barely overweight. Would I love it to be lower? Yes. I would be overjoyed if I could lose even more weight. However, I don’t want to attempt anything unrealistic; if it happens, great! If not, I won’t be (too) disappointed. I have been too scared to measure my waist recently, or my hips or thighs, but I have a few linen dresses that I really want to fit in to, and while the scale is a great way to measure weight loss, I am really looking for more fat loss, improvement in how I look and feel, and to fit into clothing again- so as long as inches are going down, I’ll be happy with the weight loss too. As a disclaimer, for anybody reading this. Yes, 30 pounds in 14 weeks IS over 2 pounds a week, and it IS over 1% of my body weight per week as well (both of those values are typical suggested maximum rates). I’m not suggesting this particular weight loss goal to anybody, and my general/systemic health is constantly monitored. This last week included, I am being VERY conscious about keeping myself in good health throughout this process, and if I cannot reach a goal while maintaining my health, then the goal (in some part) will change so I CAN meet it healthfully.

[kairi-chan]

Fighting For You [5/?] - SasuSaku

[First Chapter]

Chapter 5: Plans

Summary: They were from different worlds. They were both interested, but knew a relationship between them was less than likely to happen, even if they both wanted it. Sasuke’s profession was dangerous, and Sakura was sheltered. Her parents’ did not approve of him. Slowly though, feelings started to take root and both of them were willing to fight for each other.

Genre: Romance / Humor

Rating: M

A/N: Co-written with @ss-tyytyy ! She posts it on her FFnet, while I post here on tumblr. :) 

“Sakura! Where are those charts?” 

The pinkette nearly jumped out of her skin and dropped her phone on the desk. Ino-pig had been texting her non-stop about Naruto and other typical Ino related topics. Sakura usually had enough self control not to mind her phone during work hours, but when her best friend was giving details about potentially being able to watch Naruto train more for his big fight, and talking to Jiraiya personally, it seemed a lot more important than printing and delivering medical charts. She hastily groped around her desk and grabbed the clipboard before running up towards Dr. Senju.

“Here it is, Shishou,” she held the clipboard up, internally thanking kami that she had enough sense to print and prepare it earlier before Ino had the chance to distract her. Her mentor took the chart and read over quickly. She flipped the page and gave it a once over before giving it back to Sakura. “Good. Take this to Shizune and then you can go.” “Hai!” Sakura did as she was told and left Tsunade’s office. She made her way down the corridor. As she walked, she thought of the last text Ino sent her. It was an invitation—more of a demand—for her to come to dinner that night with her, Naruto, and Sasuke. It would be at a local ramen joint that Naruto had been raving about. Sakura smiled to herself. Ino must really like Naruto for her to agree to eat somewhere that isn’t one of her favorites, and willingly eat carbs. Her giddiness disappeared the moment her thoughts drifted to Sasuke. Her stomach twisted, and she felt her heart flutter. Sakura clutched the clipboard to her chest tighter and bit her lower lip. Sasuke was an enigma to her—to the whole world. He never said much, even in interviews. He had no personal social media that she could find, and the only personal information she found about him was on his Wikipedia page. She sighed and dropped her shoulders. “I guess there’s no other way for me to know about him,” she muttered to herself. Going to dinner somewhere new sounded like a good way to unwind, but thinking that Sasuke would be there somehow made her feel a little bit more stressed than usual. She didn’t really know what to talk about, and she most certainly didn’t want him to think she was boring. It was hard to read him. He was always looking at her, but she couldn’t pinpoint the reason why.

Could he be interested in me? She wondered. Sakura blushed at the thought and shook her head to clear it. How silly. What would he like about her, anyway? Well, on the other hand, what would he not like about her? Ino was always going on and on about how fit and sexy she was. Sakura was also sure she was at least above average when it came to looks. She was also a head turner, because of her pink hair, that is. She rolled her eyes and thought some more. She was smart. That much, she was confident in. Perhaps she was too smart, recalling all of the guys who gave up on courting her because they were far too intimidated by her.

“I’m heading out!” Sakura said to her mom. 

“Where are you going, dear?” She asked. “Uh, just going to have dinner with Ino,” she smiled, effectively leaving out the other two who were expected to be in attendance. “I won’t stay out too late, I promise.” 

Her mother chuckled. “Alright, darling. Have fun.” 

She smiled sweetly at her mother before dashing out of the house in a hurry. She was just thankful that her father wasn’t around to hear her leave. She entered her red sports car and drove to the restaurant in silence. It wasn’t so hard to find the place, despite being located at a small side street near a busy shopping district. Although it was hard to find parking. She looked at the clock on her dashboard. It read a quarter past seven. She was already late. Sakura groaned before going around the street one more time to try her luck again. “There we go!” She exclaimed excitedly to herself. Sakura parked and walked over to the restaurant. In her haste, she wasn’t able to check her phone since she left her home.

Walking into the restaurant, she immediately spotted Sasuke and Naruto sitting across from each other, but no Ino. She scrunched her eyebrows together as she approached the pair. It wasn’t like her best friend to be late. She pulled out her phone and saw that there were no messages from her either. That was strange.

“Hey, Sakura-chan!” Naruto grinned and greeted her warmly.

Sasuke nodded in greeting. “Sakura.”

She was so engrossed with thinking about how uncharacteristic it was of her best friend that she didn’t realize she hadn’t even greeted them when she asked, “where’s Ino?”

Naruto looked at her and blinked. “Isn’t she with you?”

This made Sakura worry. “No, she isn’t. I thought she was already here.” She looked at her phone again, and it was devoid of any new messages from her.

“Ah, hold on, I got a text!” Naruto exclaimed. He squinted at his phone before jumping up to his feet. “I got to go, Ino’s got a flat tire. I need to help her out.” He extended his arm across the table with his palm up. “Teme, give me your car keys.”

“What?” Sasuke glared at Naruto. “Why?”

The blond rolled his eyes. “Because we agreed to take your car here, so I left mine at the gym. I need a car to get to Ino. Do I need to spell everything out for you, bastard?”

“Tch.” Sasuke crossed his arms across his chest, and denied Naruto’s request. To which the blond did not respond kindly. They continued to bicker for another minute as Sakura watched on. Another minute passed, and she could no longer take it.

“Stop it!” She chided the two of them. “Ino needs help, and I need you two to grow up and get to it!” She turned her hardened gaze over to Sasuke and opened her palm. “Give me those keys.”

Sasuke glared back for a few seconds before looking away. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and dropped it in her hand. “Hn.”

Sakura smiled triumphantly and dropped the keys in Naruto’s hand. “Now go help Ino and drag her ass here.” She commanded.

Naruto quietly took the keys and got out of the booth to let Sakura slide in. “Geez, Sakura-chan,” he scratched the back of his head and laughed. “I didn’t know you were so scary.”

Sakura smirked and waved him off. “Don’t test me, Naruto. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Naruto hightailed it out of the restaurant and now it was just Sasuke and Sakura left. In all the excitement, Sakura failed to notice that Sasuke’s dark eyes never left her figure once.

“Scary, huh?” Sasuke mused, looking her over as he contemplated the word, trying to find any indication that it fit though he didn't appear convinced in the least.

The pinkette smiled so sweetly it was disarming but the way Sasuke’s eyes narrowed and a smirk formed on his lips convinced Sakura that tonight was going to be far from her usual routine. She shrugged. “I try not to be.”

“Oh yeah?” Sasuke’s smirk was still in place as his eyes held hers.

She tilted her head to the side and batted her long eyelashes at him. “You don’t believe me, Sasuke-kun?”

“It's not that… it's just that your appearance is far from intimidating.” He teased.

Sakura giggled. “Am I really that cute?”

“Maybe.”

That was not the answer Sakura was anticipating. It sent heat flooding to her cheeks, and she had to look away. She was not as good at teasing and flirting as Ino was. That girl was a natural. Sakura always shied away whenever she felt things got too honest or intense.

“Hn.” Sasuke grinned then, quite obviously liking the fact that he had gotten to her.

A server came by and asked for their orders. It was a slight reprieve for Sakura, as she had time to collect her thoughts--and a piece of her dignity--again. Sasuke's dark eyes never left her. She internally debated with herself if she should stare back, or just avoid his gaze. Sakura tried avoiding it, but it only made her feel more squeamish. Therefore, she stared back. As emeralds met onyx, there was a connection that was undeniable.

Once the server left with their orders, Sasuke leaned back in his seat, regarding her with interest the entire time.

“Nervous?” He asked. The way she shifted in her own seat again and again was a tell tale sign of her anxiousness.

“No way,” she caught her lie right as it left her lips. Sakura laughed nervously and ran a hand through her pink locks. “Maybe a little. I'm worried about Ino.” Now that wasn't a lie. It was more of conveniently leaving out the fact that being under Sasuke's gaze contributed to it a little more.

“What did you do today?” Sasuke asked curiously and Sakura blushed at the thought of him being curious about her.

She blinked a few times before she placed a finger on her lips and looked skyward, recalling the things she had done earlier. She hummed and said, “I went to yoga first thing in the morning, went home and cooked breakfast. After I ate, I went to the hospital to shadow Dr. Tsunade.”

“Ah.” Sasuke nodded but said nothing further as he finally looked away from her.

Sakura shifted in her seat again, thinking of other things she could speak to Sasuke about. There wasn’t much she knew about him other than his profession, and his lack of love for sweets. The latter topic just made her heart feel heavier because she loved it. She pursed her lips, before an idea hit her. The pinkette’s face brightened up so much that Sasuke quirked his eyebrow up.

“Sasuke-kun, I recall Naruto telling me that you two usually train together, but you come in earlier than he does. What do you usually do while waiting for him?”

He crossed his arms as he looked at her. “I have my own version of morning training that I like to do.”

“All by yourself?”

Sasuke nodded and regarded her warily.

“What time do you usually get to the gym?”

He shrugged. “Depends really. I’m always there by six in the mornings though.”

“Perfect!” Sakura clapped her hands together. “Why not try a yoga class with me? It usually starts at six-thirty. But we can meet a little earlier to have a cup of tea--not breakfast though. You should refrain from eating at least two hours before.”

“Hn.” He looked away and then eventually replied, “Yoga...” He muttered the word thoughtfully before looking back at her. “Alright. When’s the next class?”

She grinned at him. “There’s a class everyday. So just let me know when you’re free to attend so I can book the class for us.”

“My training schedule is the same everyday. I wouldn't mind joining you as early as tomorrow.”

Surprisingly enough, Sasuke seemed more interested than she expected. This made Sakura’s heart lighten, and it made her happy she would have something in common to talk to him about. Yoga had a lot of health benefits, and it was a fun activity. If Sasuke was confident enough with his skills to let her watch him train, then she was confident enough to let him see her practice. This would also be a good opportunity to spend more time with him in a wholesome and safe environment. This way, she would have a perfectly sound alibi to tell her parents how she had met him, and why they were friends.

She grinned at him until her eyes closed. Sakura couldn’t remember when she had felt this happy. “Great! Let me book us a class now.” She picked up her phone and opened the app. She was too excited and focused on her task that she didn’t notice their food arrived. The server placed it down in front of them and left without another word.

Sasuke nearly dropped his fork when Sakura exclaimed, “oh good! It’s FNR Athletics tomorrow!”

“What?”

The pinkette blinked and laughed at herself. “Oh, sorry. It means Flexibility Not Required. It’s considered a beginner’s class, since the poses aren’t too difficult, but you’ll really break a sweat.” The excitement was all too clear in her emerald eyes. “It’s full of planks, and downward facing dogs, and all of that. Plus, the instructor’s Hashi-san. She’s really good.”

“Hn.” Sasuke smirked.

They ate their food in companionable silence. Sakura watched as Sasuke finished all the food in his plate. He certainly had an appetite, and she found it cute. She wondered if he would allow her to cook for him, but maybe she would need to ask if there were certain kinds of food he wasn’t allowed in his diet first. Sakura nodded to herself and decided to keep that in the back of her mind as another topic they could potentially talk about.

They were both having so much fun that they didn’t even realize that Ino and Naruto never came back.

“I’m going to kill that Dobe,” Sasuke glowered at his phone.

“Why, what’s wrong?” Sakura asked, as she looked for her car keys in her purse.

“He has my car, and he isn’t responding.”

“Oh… I can drop you off.”

“You sure?” Sasuke asked and Sakura nodded quickly. “Alright then.”

A bit of nervous fluttered through Sakura once they were in her car together. Being by themselves in the restaurant wasn’t as bad because there were people around. However now that they were in the close confines of her car, things just felt so much more intimate. She could smell his cologne and it filled her mind and sent her senses into overdrive. She gripped the wheel a little too hard as she tried to keep her eyes on the road. She willed herself to concentrate on her driving, despite the streets being empty.

“Do you want me to drive?”

“Ah? No, it’s okay. I can manage. I’m just not familiar with this side of town.”

“Hn.”

There were a lot of tight streets and it was pretty dark. Her car having dark tint didn’t help, either. However, Sasuke was quick to help her on the way and before she knew it he was gesturing towards a home that had a fair amount of privacy and wasn't too close to the road, though there were neighbors just across the street.

“This is me.” He said, gesturing for her to turn in.

Sakura pulled into his driveway and slowly drove up to his home. The driveway circled through the front lawn and even though it was already dark, she could tell how nice the place actually was.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asked curiously, not sure what else to say. A part of her really hated to see him go.

“Send me the address,” Sasuke nodded as he reached for the door handle, though he didn't open the door right away.

Sakura blinked and laughed nervously. “I don’t have your number.”

Sasuke smirked and pulled his phone out. After they exchanged numbers, he climbed out of the car and watched her drive out of the street.

Sakura would never admit it, but her eyes were trained on the rear view mirror, not wanting to lose sight of him for as long as she could.

Sakura entered her home, and nearly bumped into her mother.

“Sakura! You’re late.”

“Ah, sorry. I lost track of time.”

Her mother gave her a look but nodded.

“You know Ino. Always has a lot of things to say.” She laughed, a little too loud.

“Ah yes,” her mother agreed. “What’s your schedule for tomorrow?”

“Yoga at six, and then I’m off to the hospital. I’ll probably stay there a little later than usual. Tomorrow’s that surgery I was telling you about.”

“No problem, love. I’ll be in the hospital, too. Maybe we can have dinner together after?”

Sakura’s eyes lit up. She hadn’t had dinner with her mother in a long time. “That sounds great, mom.”

Mebuki smiled at her daughter and gave her a quick hug. “I’ll make a reservation for us, then.”

“Do you think dad can come?” There was so much hope in her voice, but the way Mebuki’s lips slanted down was enough to deflate her spirit.

“I’ll make a reservation for three, I’ll talk to your father.”

Sakura tried not to let her disappointment show. “Okay.”

After taking a shower, Sakura opened her closet and looked at her clothes. She usually didn’t mind what she wore to yoga, and she was going to put on scrubs for the rest of the day when she arrived at the hospital, but she was going to see Sasuke tomorrow. She couldn’t just throw on anything.

“Comfy? Or cute?” Sakura mused to herself. “Maybe sexy.” She blushed at her last sentence. Ino would have been proud she even thought of that.

Comfortable was the way to go, so she could move around easily. She didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Sasuke tomorrow. She invited him, after all. She had to do well, or perhaps she could go with something cute, just to show off a little bit more. But sexy… there were times she would only wear yoga pants and a sports bra to her classes. But was that really the way to go on a first date?

Date.

Sakura shook her head from side to side. This wasn’t a date. They were just going to meet for tea and then take a yoga class together. That was it. This wasn’t a date.

Or was it?

To clear her head, Sakura decided to text Sasuke the studio’s address. He replied almost instantly:

“Got it. See you tomorrow. Good night.”

It was a longer text than she expected. She shoved the butterflies down and sent him a reply. As soon as she hit send, the threw her phone on the bed and dived back into her closet.

There was no point in thinking about it too much. She pulled out her favorite yoga pants and sports bra, and then chose a pastel colored crop top. She pulled out a light green sundress, a pair of sandals and threw that into her duffel bag. She was thankful Ino had convinced her to have a few set outfits that they considered ‘fail safe’ for any occasion. Feeling content, she plopped down on her bed and stared at her ceiling for a moment. Things seem to have been going well, and she hadn’t liked anyone this much since college. She closed her eyes and allowed the giddiness to wash over her. After a few moments, she tucked herself under her comforter, and made herself comfortable.

Sakura fell asleep with her heart feeling full, and a smile on her face.   

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Tyy and I have been crazy busy but we haven’t forgotten this story, promise! 

Let us know what you think of it, yeah? We love hearing from all of you. 💖

[qqueenofhades]

the dragons on the map: v

Rating: M Summary:  After the Lifeboat is nearly destroyed, the Time Team ends up stranded in their strangest and most unfamiliar destination yet: 1195 France. With Rittenhouse to stop, medieval adventures to be had, and a pair of rival kings at war, it’ll truly be a miracle if they ever get home. (Garcy/Lyatt/pre-Garcyatt, Flogan, Rufus Is Judging, general Time Team relationships and bonding. Guest appearances from the Plantagenets, for reasons.) Available: AO3

The training yard is a square of roped-off mud, about twenty feet by twenty, decidedly at odds with what Wyatt was expecting. To be fair, he doesn’t know what he was expecting (motto of the entire trip, and frankly his damn life in general) – the fancy grandstands from A Knight’s Tale, complete with blasting Queen songs? No, probably not. There’s a weathered scarecrow thing with a padded crossbeam, which Flynn says is called a quintain. When Wyatt skeptically asks if they’re supposed to be hitting it, Flynn informs him that he’s welcome to. It’s jousting practice, actually. For twelve-year-olds.

“Jousting?” Wyatt repeats. “That’s the thing where they ride at each other with lances, right? Big tournament, fair maidens? That doesn’t sound that hard.”

Flynn carefully does not look over his shoulder at the fair maiden sitting on the steps of the bailey and watching them both, but Wyatt still senses the way his head wants to turn. Then he says, “Yes, something like that. But they aren’t quite the lavish chivalric spectacle that they turn into in the thirteenth century and on. They’re war games, training for real battle, and you’d be smeared into a pulp if you went against a squire, let alone a knight. They’re also a public attraction – Richard just licensed them to be imported into England for the first time last year, in order to raise revenue. Popular sporting events.”

Wyatt blinks. “So, Sunday Night Jousting, then? Something like that?”

“Yes. They have football too, actually, though not in any way you’d recognize it. The teams are entire villages, the games can go on for days, and there are definitely no rules.” Flynn pulls his sword out of its sheath, tests the edge with a thumb, and licks the small cut. “Right, we can’t train with these. I’d kill you. And that would be very enjoyable, believe me, but right now, it would also be a bigger problem.”

“You’re a riot.” Wyatt does not want to admit it, but he is somewhat relieved that Flynn and bladed weapons are not going to be paired against him. “So what?”

Flynn nods to the rack of blunt-edged practice swords. But as Wyatt starts toward them, Flynn says, “No, not that one. Take a wooden one.”

“Let me guess,” Wyatt snaps. “Because that’s the one for kids?”

“Well, it is.” Flynn’s voice is still level, but there’s a sharp anger underneath. “But maybe if you stopped being an arrogant ass for two seconds, realized that you don’t know this world or how to fight in it, and if we’re going to keep Lucy and Rufus safe, you might want to learn. Now what’s more important to you? That, or your pride?”

Wyatt stops short, cheeks flaming. There’s an awkward silence, he resists looking around to see if Lucy heard that, and then finally, nods once. Bends stiffly and gets out a wooden sword, which is heavier than it looks, tapered and fullered to match the weight and heft of a real one. “Okay, fine,” he says. “Are you going to teach me, or just snark?”

“Do you want to be taught?”

“How the hell do you know how to swordfight?”

“I’ve picked up a few techniques here and there,” Flynn says. “The first war I ever fought in, we barely had any guns. And I’ve been in my share of guerrilla campaigns where the best weapons we had were knives. It’s not quite the same thing, but I can adapt.”

Wyatt pauses. Then he nods again and lifts the sword, as Flynn goes over to get a practice one for himself – made out of metal, but without an edge. The first lesson is how to hold it, which is apparently not self-explanatory. Flynn spends ten minutes critiquing Wyatt’s grip, before he moves on to critiquing Wyatt’s footwork. It would probably be similar to fencing, if Wyatt had ever done that (he’s not a rich prep school twit, obviously he has never done fencing) but the technique is entirely different. Fencing is all about control, about grace and skill and poise, elegantly striking blows in targeted spots, with a lightweight rapier that doesn’t have an edge. Maybe if they were still in the eighteenth century and Wyatt was going to have to pull a sword-cane and duel a cravat-wearing rogue in a back alley, that style might be applicable. Here, however, it’s not. This is (or will be) a heavy broadsword. You are not trying to tap your enemy to score aesthetic points, you are trying to kill him, while also preventing him from killing you. You have to be conscious of where you are leaving yourself open for him to get in over or under your guard, how to deflect his attack and turn it back on him, and what parts of you will or will not be protected while doing this. Some knights fight with a shield, but Flynn thinks they need to get the sword down before they try adding that. Likewise, if this was going to be accurate, Wyatt should be wearing a thirty-pound chainmail hauberk. Try jumping and skipping around in that thing. You’ll be winded (and dead) in five minutes.

It only takes about twenty minutes of this, not having gotten anywhere close to an actual sparring match, for Wyatt to begrudgingly realize that Flynn’s plan for them to start at the bottom was a good one. He’s trained Delta Force, he’s not exactly coming at this from scratch, but it’s an entirely different range and focus and engagement with your enemy when you can’t just point a high-powered automatic rifle at them from however many yards away. Wyatt is also realizing that Flynn was not exaggerating at all when he said that real knights would wax the floor with them. These guys are stronger and tougher and better-trained than 99% of modern men, don’t have any of their coddled comforts, and the sword is only one of the weapons they can use. There are also longbows, crossbows, lances, axes, morningstars (the club with a spiky-ass ball on the end), daggers, and God knows what else. Basically, Wyatt thinks, the rule is simple. Do not fight a knight. You will get fucked up, and die.

He's valiantly reminding himself not to check for Lucy’s reaction every two minutes, especially since it’s probably better if she’s not paying close attention to his humiliation, when there’s a stir at the courtyard entrance, and the next second, Richard blows in like a hurricane. Wyatt’s getting the distinct sense that this guy never just walks anywhere. He always has to enter as dramatically and dominantly as possible (has that in common with Flynn, really) and expects to be the absolute center of attention when he does. Flynn breaks off from their lesson at once and turns to incline his head, so Wyatt does the same, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Lucy scramble to her feet. Gotta make sure you look sharp when the big boss strolls into the room, after all.

Richard comes to a halt and eyes them appraisingly, as if he’s pleased that they took his advice to hit the gym. He and Flynn exchange a jocular few words which Wyatt, yet again, can’t understand (this is really getting old – do they have a crash course or whatever? Because he’d take it). Then Richard raises an eyebrow at them in an expectant fashion, nods at Wyatt’s wooden sword, and asks Flynn something else. Flynn answers with a succinct few words that, Wyatt has no doubt, are casting all kinds of shade on his sword-related abilities, then turns to him and switches back to English. “He wants to know if we’ll give him a demonstration. Wants to see how we do.”

“What, so you have the chance to beat me up in front of Richard?” Wyatt is at least under no illusions about how that would go. “Look, man, you’re right. I suck at this, okay? You don’t need to keep rubbing it in.”

“King’s orders.” Flynn looks at him goadingly. “And the one thing Richard hates the most, on any side and any stripe, is cowards.”

Wyatt grits his teeth and swears inventively. Mostly under his breath, but he does as ordered. Backs up ten paces from Flynn, as Lucy gets to her feet and takes a few steps closer. It’s not clear whether she thinks she has a shot at stopping this, or she’s preparing to administer emergency medical intervention once it goes horribly wrong. At least without edges on the swords, they can’t do each other too much damage, but being whacked at full force over the head with a heavy blunt object is never exactly therapy. Lucy does her cute little awkward curtsy to Richard, who nods back regally, but it’s clear where his attention lies. Flynn raises his sword into a loose guard, and Wyatt does the same. They eye each other up and down. Then, on Richard’s command, they charge.

The only thought Wyatt has time for is that it is, in fact, really a good thing he’s not doing this while riding a horse, wearing a shit-ton of armor, and trying to control a ten-foot-long stick with a piece of very sharp iron on the end, and he will definitely apologize to any jouster he meets for dissing them. The next second, there’s no time for thinking at all. It becomes clear at once that yes, Flynn was setting it on beginner level for him (and Wyatt doesn’t honestly think that he should have acquired years and years of hard-won competence in one brief lesson, but still). Flynn himself isn’t a world-level expert, maybe, but that doesn’t matter. In fact, Wyatt realizes after about two excruciating minutes that Flynn is still pulling his punches, just a bit. Maybe to make this take longer, since he can’t keep hitting Wyatt at his leisure if it’s all over in an instant, or maybe (much as Wyatt disbelieves the possibility) not to completely destroy him in front of Richard. Flynn has even tilted his head once or twice, or hissed at him through his teeth, as if to hint to him where to hit or how to move. Wyatt sometimes gets these clues, and sometimes doesn’t. Mostly the latter.

The end result is that after about five minutes, Wyatt pretty sure he will have more bruises than skin tomorrow, and well aware that Flynn allowed him to get in the counterattacks that he did, he is smartly disarmed by Flynn and his sword goes flying. Oh God, and Lucy’s standing right there, because this just needed to get worse. Wyatt raises his hands. “Yield,” he growls. “That’s what you say, right?”

“Yes.” Flynn looks extremely smug. Of course he fucking does. Then he turns to Richard, who has been watching with an extremely critical air, and remarks something in a tone that does not need much translation, though Flynn provides it anyway. “He says that I’m bad and you’re terrible, and he really hopes we didn’t come here intending to be soldiers.”

That rocks Wyatt, given that he and Flynn are soldiers, and by the standards of their own time, pretty damn good ones. He wipes the sweat off his brow and realizes that an audience of about a dozen castle retainers and servants and so on have trickled in while the fight was going on; the king rarely goes anywhere by himself, after all. Great, more witnesses. He finds himself actually hoping that Flynn told Richard that he was in fact a manservant, so his general ineptitude can be forgiven. You know what, screw swords. If it’s necessary, he’ll just throw it away and punch someone in the face. (This plan will backfire if they have a sword, which they undoubtedly will, but Wyatt’s frustrated. Sue him.)

Wyatt wipes a trickle of blood from his nose and glances around, realizing that Rufus isn’t among the onlookers. That’s not entirely weird, since he said he was going off for a nap, but given as it’s the longest time they’ve been apart since landing, and there’s still the strong possibility of a Rittenhouse assassin lurking around a corner to do in Eleanor, it makes Wyatt nervous. He’s about to suggest that he go off to look for Rufus when Richard says something that makes everyone’s heads swivel around. Flynn, for the first time, looks unnerved, and Wyatt abruptly changes his mind. Rufus is probably fine. If Flynn is going to get pantsed, he wants to stick around and see it.

Whatever Richard has said, it also makes Lucy look a little worried, and she opens her mouth as if to say something, before clearly remembering that this is not a situation where she will have any influence whatsoever. Wyatt glances at her, struggling to repress the usual prickle in his stomach that she seems more anxious about Flynn possibly being hurt than about him. “What did he say?”

“He wants to spar Flynn himself,” Lucy supplies, after a pause. “With real swords.”

Oh-ho. This just got interesting. Wyatt supposes it’s too much to hope that Richard will flay Flynn to a pulp, though he knows that they can’t actually let that happen, and Richard probably won’t do it anyway. (If nothing else, because it shuts off the possibility of anything else later.) “Is he allowed to do that?”

“He’s the king,” Lucy says wryly. “He can do whatever he wants. And he was – is – known for his bravery, it’s how he got his nickname, and a total disregard of danger. He always fought in the front lines in all his wars and he loves getting his hands dirty, he’s not some modern royal who waves from a balcony and cuts ribbons.”

Wyatt knows a little of this. He read a book on the crusades while he was in Afghanistan, because there was not a lot else to do in the desert and because a lot of people kept saying the post-9/11 War on Terror looked like a modern one, and he wanted to know if that was true. He still isn’t sure, though he remembers the parts about Richard kicking a lot of ass. The siege of Acre, the battles of Arsuf and Jaffa, the siege of – Wyatt can’t remember the name, but it started with D – and a few others. This guy can take on half a dozen fully trained knights at the same time, he’s legendary for a reason. Oh please, oh please, oh please make Flynn fight him. Even he is going to have his hands full and then some.

There is a brief move among the retainers as if someone should probably discourage Richard from doing this, but it’s clearly part of his daily schedule anyway, and nobody wants to take on that thankless task. Richard shucks his cloak, rolls up his sleeves, and ties his thick red-gold hair back, then steps into the ring with a quick, agile motion. He’s just as tall as Flynn, and in an age before protein shakes, there is still a lot of lean muscle. Wyatt finds himself looking a little too long, in fact, and glances over at Flynn instead. He looks intimidated, if only briefly. Better you than me, pal.

Flynn changes out his practice sword for the real one he wore from Paris, and Richard draws his own. Wyatt thinks that if by some mad fluke, Flynn is the one to hurt and/or kill Richard and that’s the reason history gets fucked up, Rittenhouse is really going to have a nice long evil chuckle later. Even he can’t do that. Right?

The combatants pace backward, as before. Lucy makes a brief, nervous sound in her throat and clutches at Wyatt’s arm, and he refrains from voicing his desire that Flynn comes out of this with an equal number of injuries – it’s only fair, after all. Still, any substantial medical care is going to be a bitch in the twelfth goddamn century, and Wyatt doesn’t want him dead. (Well, that’s still up for debate, but anyway. Certainly not before they get home. And besides, nobody gets to kill Flynn apart from him. It’s a very confusing relationship.)

Richard nods at Flynn, who nods back. With that, and no further preliminary, the fight starts.

Contrary to Flynn and Wyatt charging each other like a pair of maddened warthogs, neither Flynn nor Richard moves to close the gap immediately. They circle instead, deliberate and consideringly. Flynn, who is not an idiot, is not about to race headlong at Richard the goddamn Lionheart, though Wyatt still kind of wishes he would. Both of them feint briefly, as if trying to draw the other into an attack, but neither of them falls for it. They step closer, and then closer, as the crowd seems to be holding its breath. Annoyingly, Wyatt is too.

There is a final instant, and then Richard spots an opening. He goes for it almost too fast to see, as Flynn is forced to duck rather than try to block it, and this puts him off his footing for Richard’s next attack, which whistles through the air sharply enough to make even Wyatt wince. Flynn manages to get off half a parry, as the swords tangle and screech with a flash of sparks, and Lucy’s grip tightens on Wyatt’s arm. Under other circumstances, this might be more enjoyable, but his attention is too fixated on the fight. He can’t help it. It’s… a lot.

Flynn twists his head out of the way of another series of surgically precise blows, finally gets his feet under him enough to try a proper counterattack, and Richard flicks it off like a man swatting a fly. He is holding his sword easily in one hand, while Flynn is using two, and after a pause, as if to make it more sporting, Richard shrugs and switches it to his left hand. Flynn backs up and considers him, breathing hard, a small nick in one eyebrow that is bleeding down his face. Wyatt feels an absurd urge to do the wave, which he suppresses. He’s also pretty sure you’re not supposed to cheer for anyone except the king in this situation, but he finds himself raising his voice anyway. “Hey, come on, Flynn. Come on, Flynn!”

Lucy gives him a surprised sidelong look, though she seems too nervous to actually say anything out loud. There’s a few-second interlude as Flynn catches his breath, which seems as graciously allowed to him by Richard as his hints were to Wyatt. It’s clear that the possibility of hurting Richard and pissing him off is also on his mind, though Wyatt’s realizing that the only way Flynn could kill him is if Richard dropped his sword, stood dead still, and let him do it (which seems, to say the least, unlikely). It’s almost vindicating to realize that even Flynn has met a historical figure he simply cannot brush out of the way, as he has done on noted occasions before, and that indeed, said historical figure is whupping his ass. Wyatt knows that Flynn is a machine. Someone this much better than him is scary.

After a final moment, Flynn apparently decides to hell with it, and closes in for an all-out barrage. Now they are really going at it, Richard’s sword flicking and flashing and scraping up and down and side to side as none of Flynn’s blows even get near him, though it looks like it’s taking slightly more of an effort than before. They end up briefly almost nose to nose, then Richard does something very fast, Flynn’s arm gets twisted behind him, and his sword goes flying. The next instant, the tip of Richard’s is at his throat, Flynn is on his back in the mud and breathing like he’s been chased by a train, and raises his hands. “Je cède.”

Richard pauses, then grins. Sheathes his sword, offers Flynn a hand up, and the two of them slap each other’s shoulders and pound each other’s backs in the time-honored tradition of men everywhere. Watching it, and having the distinct impression that Flynn has just earned Richard’s respect, sends another strange twist through Wyatt’s chest. God, this… happens all the time, doesn’t it? All the time. Reflexive as being sick. He doesn’t even like Flynn, but he also doesn’t like it that Flynn seems to be getting so chummy with Richard. And for Richard dismissing Wyatt in one word as “terrible” and not paying him a single bit of attention since… it’s not that he wants Richard to notice him, at least maybe not in the same way he’s clearly noticed Flynn, and yet…

Wyatt swallows, not even sure what’s lodged in his stomach, other than it feels cold and heavy and he is only now wondering how long it’s been there. Is it the scrawny kid who grew up in a West Texas double-wide where everything was always broken, they were so poor that they ate off reused paper plates, and whenever he went to school, he was consumed by jealousy for the kids with their fancy clothes and backpacks and parents who picked them up in gleaming SUVs? Hell, those kids weren’t even rich; there wasn’t exactly Dallas oil-baron money where he grew up, though there were plenty of the stiffs who worked the pumpjacks. But everyone was rich to that angry, dirty kid who got C’s in class, hid his bruises from the teachers, and went to Bible study for three years before they cottoned on that he was only there for the free food and none of the Jesus stuff had stuck. Wyatt spent his entire childhood being madly, soul-deep, burningly jealous of the whole world, and maybe the habit has stuck far deeper than he ever realized. Anything that anyone else has, he wants it, no matter how many problems it’s caused him as an adult. It’s how he lost Jessica the first time, and arguably the second time as well. It’s how he’s fucked things up with Lucy. And now, it just hits automatically because of course it does, and he can’t tell if it’s aimed at Flynn or Richard or both of them, and…

Wyatt turns away, staring up at the castle walls, which have gone dark as the sun has vanished behind them. It’s close to sunset, it will be dinner soon, with whatever they’re supposed to do at identifying and catching the Rittenhouse bastards. God, how the fuck has a white-trash gearhead poor boy from West Texas ended up in this job? Standing in medieval France before the great-great-great-great-granddaddy of America is even invented, let alone most of the modern world, with his time-traveling companions, trying to wrap his head around him being more jealous of either his nemesis or Richard the Lionheart. God, this is too much. It was supposed to go away when he drove his dad’s car into the lake and rose up from the water, the closest to a baptism he was ever going to get. It was supposed to go away.

“Wyatt?” They might be estranged, but Lucy has still sensed his distress. “Are you okay?”

“What?” Wyatt harrumphs, clears his throat, and forces a smile. “Oh yeah. Fine. I gotta say, that was pretty good. Watching Flynn get his tail whipped for a change.”

It was, at that, though it feels more artificial than he might have expected, and she glances at him for a moment longer, with some concern. Then she glances back at Flynn, who is still breathing hard, but grinning, as he talks to Richard. Richard claps him on the shoulder again, then goes over and climbs out of the ring, putting back on his cloak and striding out of the yard. The coterie hurries after him, and the bells from the church just down the way start striking the evening hour – which, Wyatt remembers, is Vespers. Supper will be soon.

He turns around to see that Lucy has gone over to Flynn and is checking if he’s been any more hurt than a few gashes and bruises. Wyatt’s first impulse is to make some sort of passive-aggressive comment to her later about how she didn’t do that for him, but then, she did just ask if he was all right, and he deflected. Jesus. Maybe try something different, for goddamn once? So he awkwardly crab-walks over and clears his throat. “I think you took it way easier on me than he did on you. That was pretty hardcore.”

Flynn’s mouth twists up wryly, as if understanding that that is close as Wyatt can presently come to a compliment, and they nod at each other again. Then Flynn says, “No, he definitely took it easy. If he was actually trying to kill me, I’ve have been dead twenty minutes ago.”

“So, moral of the story, don’t give him any real reason to kill us.” Wyatt wonders how well that would concord with Richard finding out that they’ve been sent by his mortal enemy to spy on them, and decides that the answer would be: hella not. Great. “He seemed to think you didn’t completely suck, though? Right?”

“He said I fought well,” Flynn acknowledges. It’s a small but genuine smile that pulls at his mouth this time, and it does further unwelcome things to Wyatt’s insides. “Anyway, we need to get changed for supper. Where’s Rufus? We should probably find him.”

“I’ll go look for him.” For once, Wyatt doesn’t feel the need to hang around to spy on Lucy and Flynn, and would welcome some time to gather his thoughts. “Go and see what – whatever we’re staying. Do we actually know that yet?”

“I don’t think so.” Lucy glances at Flynn. “Come on.”

With that, they head off, and Wyatt goes in the opposite direction, where they last spotted Rufus. Part of him wonders if it was really a great idea to let Rufus wander off by himself, and his anxiety is humming in his chest as he speeds up (well, so much as one can speed up) the tower staircase. Reaches the top, starts out, and –

It’s really an unfortunate thing for Wyatt that he just got beaten once, and hence is already in less than tip-top shape, as he catches a whirling shadow out of the corner of his eye. The next instant his head is cracked hard against stone, he sees stars, and flails out to punch wildly, thinking that he really was not counting on having this makeshift theory of self-defense tested so soon. At least his opponent does not seem to have a sword, not that that’s really a fucking comfort, and as his spinning vision resolves to see a long, thin dagger at his throat (did Flynn call that a poniard?), the person holding it is absolutely no comfort at all. She is grinning in a satisfied manner, red wisps of hair escaping from her braids. “You know,” she says. “I guess some things just never change no matter the century, huh? Like you getting your butt kicked by absolutely everyone.”

“You.” Wyatt grits his teeth. “Great.”

“Me.” Emma sits a little more solidly on top of him, green skirts flooded on the floor, as she twists the poniard leisurely into the hollow of his throat. “Had a nice view for your Braveheart session earlier. Very. . . stirring.”

“Where’s Rufus, you bitch?”

“Oh, look. Nobody’s ever called me that before. Really original.” Emma grins, canines sharp and white. “As for Rufus, I don’t know. You tell me.”

Wyatt considers the odds of knocking her off without getting stabbed in the neck, which at the moment, look bad. Besides, it sounds as if she hasn’t actually seen Rufus yet, and therefore is trying to get him to cough it up. Maybe Rufus saw her, but was hopefully smart enough to immediately hide, or at least stay out of the way until she was gone. Trying to keep her talking, Wyatt says, “So is that your big plan, then? Turn up here and what – convince Richard to marry you? Get knocked up, hope it’s a boy, then kill him?”

Emma makes a scathing noise in her throat. “God. Me? Are you crazy? Do you think there was ever the tiniest chance that I was going to settle down as some submissive, wimple-wearing, embroidering little medieval dormouse to pop out royal babies? Like I got through Caltech for that. Besides, aren’t you the one who should be more concerned about that? Jessica misses you, by the way. She thinks I don’t know, but I do.”

That catches Wyatt more solidly between the eyes than any of either Flynn or Emma’s blows. He tries to summon up something snarky, but it gets lost. “Oh?” he says at last, as coolly as possible, which is not very. “Does she?”

“Yeah. Couple months along now, she’s getting a little poochy. And probably broody too.” Emma shrugs. “Like I said. Misses you.”

“Look.” Wyatt hates hearing the pleading note in his voice, but he can’t help it. “You did whatever you did to Jess, and – fine, just – just don’t hurt her and my kid, all right?  Please.”

“Why would we have to hurt her? As long as she’s a loyal member of Rittenhouse, she doesn’t have anything to fear.” Emma is clearly enjoying this, stringing him out, taunting and testing him. “In fact, you’re the one who’s hurting your presumable unborn child more, trying to stop what we’re planning. Then again, Wyatt, really. When do you ever make the right call? Jessica’s useful, sure. And like I said, she thinks I don’t know that I’m on to her. But if she steps too far out of line, well. . .”

“Please. Jesus, please!” Even as he begs, Wyatt knows that it’s not going to do any good, that Emma can and will kill Jess and the baby too if she poses too much of a threat. Maybe they can keep her delayed in the past somehow, but as long as she has control of the Mothership, she could still transmit the order. “You bastards brought her back as some version of herself that always remembered being one of you, and then you’d just kill her?”

“You got her killed last time. Remember?” Emma raises both gingery eyebrows. “Or is that something else you’ve selectively forgotten?”

Wyatt doesn’t know what to say. He clearly cannot in good conscience endanger his own child, especially when he’s just been thinking about his own upbringing, how his father failed on every level. Nor can he agree to endanger Lucy, Flynn, Rufus (again), and all of history, either, especially when it’s already been a clear struggle to build back what he’s blown. There’s another queasy pause as they stare at each other. Then Emma says, “I’ll make it really simple for you. You don’t tell your friends that I’m here for, oh, another twenty-four hours. Or, if someone has tragically already spilled the beans, you divert or deflect or whatever else. One more day. Easy, huh? Then Jess and Wyatt Junior are safe. You know, I really hope it doesn’t take after you. That would just be depressing.”

“One day, huh?” Wyatt tries to sound offhand. “So you can get your evil ducks in a row?”

Emma shrugs. “The idea is that you don’t interfere for that time, yes. Your call. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to change.”

With that, she slides off him, gets to her feet, twirls the poniard away, and strolls down the corridor and out of sight. Wyatt lies there for several more stunned moments, before gathering the wherewithal to pick himself up and stumble in the other direction. It’s dark enough now that torches and lanterns are starting to be lit across the castle, and he emerges into the courtyard, into the cool spring evening, and follows the crowd across into the hall. It’s loud with talk and laughter, though it doesn’t look like the meal has started yet, and he spots Lucy, Flynn, and – thank God – Rufus seated at the high table. If there is royal favor to be had, it appears they’re in it, and Wyatt squirms through the crush to the empty chair at their side. “Hey,” he says weakly. “Rufus, looks like you’re fine after all, huh?”

“Yeah, though that was in doubt for a little while there,” Rufus says. “I gotta tell you, I just told Lucy and Flynn. Emma’s here, I saw her in a corridor earlier. Obviously, I hid from her like a sane person until she was gone, but – ”

“Are you. . .” God, Wyatt hates doing this. “Are you sure it was her?”

Rufus gives him an odd look. “I’m pretty sure I recognize the woman who shot me, yes.”

Wyatt grimaces. Lucy and Flynn are also staring at him as if wondering if he’s all right, and he really, he really needs to try to not totally blow this. Finally he says, “Fine. Yes. I just saw her too. That’s why I’m late to the party. She jumped me back there.”

“So you just tried to get in some bonus gaslighting?” Rufus shakes his head. “Man, you know we’re mostly friends again, but what the hell?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. She. . .” They’re gonna take this really well, by which Wyatt means they’re not. “She threatened to kill Jess and my kid if we didn’t let her have free rein for twenty-four hours, all right?”

There’s a communal grimace and wince visible on the other three, which all things considered, is fair. “Great,” Rufus says. “Another award-winning episode of Wyatt Screws Us Over, now available on – what’s even more prehistoric than VHS? Betamax?”

“It’s my kid, all right? I know none of you trust Jess, and yes, I know I messed it up, but – what was I supposed to do, just agree to it?”

“No,” Flynn says, which is an unexpected choice of ally. Then again, he is obviously sensitive to the idea of Rittenhouse murdering people’s children. “And I’m surprised you told us, though I don’t think you would have if Rufus hadn’t first.”

Wyatt winces. Cruel, but again, fair. “I know we can’t let Emma just do whatever for a day without trying to stop her, but – guys, can we just. . . think about this?”

“Sure,” Flynn says. “We find her tonight and kill her. Problem solved.”

It’s on the tip of Wyatt’s tongue to say that there’s no guarantee this will keep Jess safe too, but he knows he can’t push it. Just then, there’s a stir and a fanfare, and everyone clatters to their feet, pulling off caps and hoods, as the hall doors swing open and Richard and Eleanor enter, arm in arm. They’ve both changed for dinner into matching green velvet that sets off the fire in their hair, tall and stately and beautiful, and the torchlight catches on the gems and gilt. They clearly enjoy looking good for the masses, and process up to the dais, where two servants, tabards emblazoned with the twin lions, pull back their chairs for them. They graciously sit, and Richard waves a hand, beckoning everyone else to do the same. There’s a clatter and a scrape as they do, and Richard says grace in Latin. After the murmured “Amen,” hands move to cross themselves, and servants enter with the food.

Despite Wyatt’s brief panic that this was going to be some big fancy feast, it’s not actually that formal, and after the day they have had, they’re starving. It’s definitely the best they’ve eaten thus far, as is only fitting at the king’s table. There are small roast birds in rich creamy sauce, seasoned with exotic (and extremely expensive) spices like saffron and pepper. Shellfish soup, venison boiled in almond milk, mutton and onions baked into flaky pastry shells, meat and mince pies, and more. There’s also some kind of tender white-meat fish in butter and garlic that looks very appetizing, until Flynn informs them that it is lamprey, aka a kind of small blood-sucking eel. Big delicacy. No one’s sure they feel up to trying that (Rufus snatches back his knife in a hurry). But there’s a lot to sample instead, it’s all very tasty, and there’s also plenty to drink. The servants are keen to keep filling their goblets, and have to be firmly discouraged. They need to keep clear heads.

Flynn gets distracted in talking to Richard, and Lucy is gazing adoringly down the table at Eleanor. Wyatt and Rufus sit side by side rather awkwardly, until Rufus mutters out of the corner of his mouth, “Mind not trying to make me look like a liar and/or an idiot again?”

“I’m sorry.” Wyatt stares down at his plate. “Emma just – caught me off guard.”

“Yeah. She’s good at doing that. You can’t still keep trying to play both sides, remember? Jessica chose Rittenhouse, not you. She’s not going to care if we die, and let me remind you that some of us already did, so. . .” Rufus hesitates. “Maybe we don’t have any responsibility to care whether she does. I know it’s complicated since she’s pregnant and all that. But if we still can’t trust you to pull your weight, or actively go against us – that’s going to be a problem. I’m not gonna pussyfoot around.”

“I know.” Wyatt blows out a bleak breath. “I’m going to be there for you, for all of you. I want to do better. I swear.”

“That’s nice,” Rufus says. “I mean it. I really hope you will be. But you know that I’m with Lucy and Flynn on this. There’s gonna have to be more than just talk.”

Wyatt looks at him, trying to think what else to say, when he’s distracted by a movement at one of the nearby tables. One of the noblemen, moving as if to scratch his nose, then dropping his hand out of sight. There’s something about that which seems off. Or rather, Wyatt knows exactly what it reminds him of, but it’s not something that you’re supposed to see here, not when they’ve spent the afternoon with the weapons of choice, not when –

“HEY!” Wyatt jumps to his feet, rocking the trestle table and startling everyone. He whirls toward Eleanor, who looks (understandably) startled. “MA’AM, DUCK!”

Obviously, she doesn’t understand him, she’s staring at him like he’s lost his mind, and Wyatt’s pretty sure that tackling the queen is going to get him beheaded pronto. But he doesn’t have time to waste, and he doesn’t know what the bleeding blue hell Rittenhouse is playing at, trying to assassinate her with a modern weapon in full sight of everyone. Not to mention her legendarily talented-at-kicking-ass son, who will tear the killer literally limb from limb the instant he gets his hands on him. This seems wrong, this seems very wrong, but they still can’t take that chance. Otherwise –

Wyatt launches himself at Eleanor –

– just as, all the more shockingly given that pistols won’t be invented for oh, another five hundred years, the shot goes off.

[xaziroot]

A star, in a sea of darkness.

This is going to be a long one so strap in for the ride. It's going to get real too. I was prompted to write this by my psychologist and complied, I've learnt copious amounts in these past few years and this could help anyone in a similar situation. Gender and mental health talks. This is like a letter to myself and some documentation on things I've had happen.

Some background on me:

I'm Alex, 18, and my main condition is 17β-Hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase deficiency. A condition which impairs sexual development inside and outside the womb. I'm biologically male with XY chromosomes and basically a dick. I'm not trans though before I could have been classed it when not in line with my biological sex. Intersex is what I am. A decision to raise me as female was made and this is the fallout of it all and what I've done after. This is my mental decline and struggling with myself as a human being.

Fights, football and falling out of trees:

I've been going to Great Ormond Street Hospital since the age of 2 and been in psychology since 9. I'm now 18. We're entering the latter part of a decade now, I've had people tell me I'm special but at the same time "a normal kid". But which kid? What was normal? Where did these guidelines come from?

From a young age I knew something was different about me compared to the girls I was lumped into. You oft assume children don't know what they're talking about when it comes to themselves, but I’ve found this to be evidently the wrong mindset. I looked completely different to girls and had a totally different mindset - I was hairier than them, naturally more aggressive and headstrong, liked to do all the stereotypically male stuff; football, fights, falling out of trees the list goes on.

Kids are shit, let's get that out of the way. I remember being taunted with the words gorilla and baboon by family friend’s sons, they pointed at my arms and made remarks like “that's ugly” and “only boys have that”. It did also slightly terrify them so I chased them round with my arms and legs in plain view. I laughed but it really did hurt. This was one of the first times I felt inordinately uncomfortable with my body and myself as a person. I was 5. I continued with laughing at my own pain and not dealing with it for years.

Feelings of not belonging from a young age were ever present and I honestly toiled with my image. I vividly recall in my first psychology session, I was asked what I thought I was. Without hesitation, I stated a boy trapped in a girl’s body. The premise of being a boy completely petrified me however. I was always a tomboy esc child, short hair, loud, wouldn’t mind getting into fights, its goes on. I was certainly a handful and a half.

Condition/Puberty :

My condition means I make zero sex hormone which regulates moods, bone density and one of the most important factors; puberty. A gonadectomy was performed when I was 3 to remove what were my cancerous testes at the time. The fear was if I was to leave these in, when something doesn’t work correctly, it oft turns cancerous. I still think this is horseshit and they should have left them in. (Gonads are what turn into ovaries or testes in every human being when forming inside your mother)

No gonads mean minimal to no sex hormone. I was continually told I needed to take tablets, injections or patches to go through puberty. This onus to medication created this image of I was a freak in my mind. I wasn’t normal and wasn’t a real person. I was but a broken husk of a person. My body nor my mind felt right. To counter this, puberty was induced by a motley of oestrogen based tablets and patches. I absolutely resented these.

Growing up in a conservative east Asian household, I succumbed to the will of my parents and what they wished with no regards or free thoughts of my own wellness. They willed for me to be a girl and that’s what I did. Muted, I got on with life for a few years still feeling horrifically uncomfortable with myself. I scrolled through the internet and browsed through pages upon pages on my condition, further feeling alienated with myself, until I stumbled upon a site which showed, gender wasn’t all black and white.

I scuttled to call my psychologist and let her know the good news. “I IDENTIFY AS A DEMI-GUY!!” She quickly congratulated me and I spoke to her on the spectrum of gender and how it was rather than black and white; a rainbow. Always more masculine and more of an androgynously presented female. Woefully this wasn’t to last. This was around the time I lost a rock in my life; my older brother. I had a younger brother to whom I had always acted like an older brother too, rather than a sister. I also felt I had to step up as the elder male in the family, yet my family considered me nothing of the sort.

They continually told me, stop this mess, you’re a girl get over it. I forcibly resented them and pushed and yelled and fought my way around saying no the fuck I’m not. They tried to make me do typical girl things, wear girl clothes and the like. I had none of it. My sisters, constantly told me, this was but a phase, when I grow up I’ll grow out of this. I’ll be a girl one day. I told them I would rather die. I felt like I would rather die. I had no place in this world.

Boys don’t cry and girls don’t force out their emotions. But, in a family where you’re considered neither, what do you do? How do you cope? I had my mother nor father to speak to, as they said this was all a phase and I was to grow out of it soon. I remember the week before my 15th birthday, I was in the car going to the supermarket with my mum and I yelled, I don’t want to be a girl, I’m not a girl and I want to be a boy. Why am I not normal? Why was I born this way? I don’t want to be alive anymore.

She broke crying saying no one would love me if I did, I wouldn’t be a normal boy and nothing I would do could really work. Well I wasn’t a normal girl so what do I do? I was pushed to the side lines I noticed and my parents focused more of their attention to my younger brother. When I struggled with depression they just pawned it off saying it’s your fault. When my younger brother was diagnosed they rushed to be with him, doing everything for him and stating how I wasn’t a great influence. By 16 I had been diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety along with borderline personality disorder. This was the real start of my downfall mentally.

College and later:

At college, I still struggled with who I wished to be presented as. I said I wanted to change my name and asked everyone to refer to me as Alex. A typically androgynous name, and could be used to refer to both a female and male. I made who I call my best friends now and got into art. I was extremely aggressive towards myself and others. Destructive behaviour was normal, I broke my hands, ripped my knuckles open, tore my skin open with glass shards, razor blades and anything sharp I could get my hands on. The scars of these still run deep on my skin. I had no idea how to cope with myself and others mentally.

My first best friends, absolute nerds like myself. One drew, the others played D&D and got me into it. We wasted hours on end, playing our characters. My character, a weretiger dwarf with god like strength. I had never had so much fun or felt like I was part of something. For some reason, I ended up hating this when it was pointed out, I immediately felt sick and distraught and panicked at hearing it.

By this point I had been off hormone for a few years which was really starting to take its toll on me. I had violent mood swings swinging from angry to happy to sadness within the frame of a few minutes. I hated everything and everyone, feeling as if the world was against me and nothing good was forecast for me.

It was around this time I decided I needed an outlet to pool all my energy into. My psychologist suggested the gym but ultimately, I went for art and drawing. I started seriously drawing in January of 2016. It was the end of my first year in college, summer was here and I decided to really knuckle down on art and get serious. I scrolled through my Instagram and the limited artists I followed. I found a drawing by an artist which left me dumbfounded. It was the coolest thing I had seen ever. I started to speak to this artist who we’ll name Manny for the time. Manny was the kindest, most accepting human being I’d ever met to that point and still, to this day, I hold as the biggest influence in my life.

Manny had been through a lot themselves, neither of our lives, exactly peachy. But they were obviously doing better than myself, something I couldn’t see. Years of mental neglect and struggle flooded out of the gates and I put more pressure on Manny than thought. I had no idea how to cope, I pawned everything bad onto others whom I spoke to, blamed myself for everything and was a glowing disorder of negativity and hatred. Come to the end of the year and Manny had ended up becoming my first S/O. This time, though plagued with issues, was easily the happiest and simplest time of my life. Friends, someone who loved me, a job and a roof over my head, I was on track to be in the worst place mentally ever.

Manny was unrelenting in saying how much I meant to them. This was the first time I had ever felt wanted and needed in my life. The feeling of belonging and genuine appreciation for my existence was something I had never had before. This lasted for a few months until they called it off. I understood but didn’t at the same time. But I accepted it and let it happen. I was sick for a week after this. Lovesickness is a thing and so is heartbreak. Coupled with my brutal mood swings, I grappled and competed with myself and further chipped away at the little self-worth I had. Oddly this affected me for months to come.

Now looking back, neither of us was in a place to be together but I’m glad I did it. I had no idea the sheer joy someone can bring you, the feeling of wanting to be better for them and everything about them. You love their little mannerisms, their little jokes absolutely everything. Nothing feels wrong and you feel nothing can bring you down. Though I had no clue how to cope at the time, this gave me my first taste of what affection is like. You learn what you can cope with and what you can’t.

It was around this time, I was coming to final talks on who I wanted to be.

I had enough. Years of feeling neglected, and feeling chipped away at had taken their toll. It’s odd, you think the small things don’t hurt as much but they really hurt the most. Being called she dozens of times a day, I pawned off but this ultimately hurt me the most. I still struggled with seeing my worth as a human being, still feeling broken. You would be surprised at how much having minimal sexual hormone really does affect you. I couldn’t see the worth in living often and blocked myself in my room and wanted to wither away. I tried overdosing, bleed outs and trying to starve myself into a coma. I once didn’t eat for 2 weeks.

Family constantly still said, get out of your phase now, it’s not real you’ll not be a real boy. But I started Testosterone in December of 2016 against everyone’s wishes. Within a few months, my voice had broken, I was far more muscular, acne to shit and loads more which arrives with the wheel of puberty. I felt a feeling of belonging in my body which I didn’t previously. I still didn’t feel right for months to come until now, November of 2017.

I did a 180 and really started to work on myself. I started going to gym, losing weight, growing my hair out and spoke to my psychologist more on how I could accept myself. It’s tough, when you feel everything is on a fundamental level, wrong. One thing I was told to do was go to a mirror, look at myself and tell myself I love you. The first time I did this, I looked at myself, became so enraged and punched the mirror. I went to work at a networking company 9 - 5 and separated from my college friends, 15 miles away in a different town. I slowly moved away from my friends and Manny themselves said they didn’t want to speak to me anymore. Spending time in hospital with skin issues was more a blessing than a curse.

You’d think losing my best friends, would rip me apart but I felt nothing. I spoke to my psychologist and asked her, was I broken? Why did I struggle to feel anything? Even today, I still toil with my emotions. I don’t have the fix for this now man, but work at it. Gain your friends respect back. Not their approval. You value them as people and not the need to be wanted.

But I’ve come to accept myself more. Now, this may be extremely trivial but I like my face. I think I’m cute. I look fucking beautiful with long hair. Me this time last year, was 180 the other direction, hating myself so much I was tearing my skin apart and wanting to be dead. But I’m happy I’ve lived through it. Bro you’re bomb af and I’m so proud of you. You’re not 100% right now but holy fuck you’re cute.

I’ve learnt a lot in the past few years, but if I went back in time to speak to myself, I would say:

Don’t underestimate yourself.

I’ve had experiences and emotions many people don’t feel during any time in their life. This was something I was told for 4 straight years, month after month. My psychologist continually spoke about how monumental the things I’ve had to deal with are, continually putting others before myself and never caring about how I felt.

Don’t neglect yourself, mentally nor physically.

You might not see it now, but fuck you’re amazing man. You’ve soldiered through shit keeping everything else on top of your shoulders. Your body might not be perfect, but you can work on it. Don’t keep taking it out on yourself. It’s ok. You need to yell, scream, should, punch, kick? Go for it. Cope, don’t feel bad for being by yourself a lot and just wondering round.

Don’t pressure your friends.

A difficult one I will admit since you have no idea how to cope yourself. But in time, you learn. Things you shouldn’t do, things you can do. Friends are friends man! Not psychologists. Love them, appreciate them, don’t be afraid to tell them you love them. They’re there for you and oft family. Don’t offload to them constantly and scare them off. If you struggle, they struggle.

Love yourself.

You’re more than good enough to be alive. Your legs may hurt, your insides might not work perfectly and there’s no more of you but you’re breathing, competent and can love. It’s okay dude! I love you now. I’m what’s basically your older brother, with all experiences. Your dark chocolate eyes, soft flowing brunette hair and pale skin is all good! Your spider hands are cool af and you sound like a 36-year-old man. I’m proud of you kid. So are friends. People who stuck up for you in secondary school are proud you’re becoming the person you’ve wanted to be.

Life is a rollercoaster.

It’s never always going to be sunshine and daisies. It’s a ride with a set number of seats. People come and go but if you think people are worth keeping, you strive to improve yourself. Earn their respect and make sure they’re people whose respect means something to you. Take heed of friend’s words, they have experiences you don’t and may know about something better.

Real family isn’t perfect no matter what you’ve come to believe.

At times, they care when they need something and could toss you aside when they don’t. But don’t worry. Don’t take what Dad or Mum say to heart. They care, in the crudest sense possible. Your sisters, are still a grey area. They’ll still refuse to call you by your name but take it in your stride and like water off a duck’s back. Don’t panic it will pan out in time. They’re just scared for you but show them, you’ve got it down. Don’t rush to gain their approval it’s honestly not worth jack.

You won’t improve your character overnight.

As heart breaking as it is and how you want to see progress there and then, chip away at it. Do little bits and do what you can and change does happen. You’re not perfect and people may suggest things, you’ll not get it right first time, second nor the third. But keep at it. You might go completely the wrong way but attempt it.

You cannot help everyone.

Often its better to remain quiet man.

We all cope in different ways.

Pain is relative. Do not compare yourself to others. You might be able to be hit by a car but a gash is worse for the other person. Nothing is a competition. You may be hit constantly with bad news but take it as it comes and deal with it. Don’t go comparing your pain to others, it’s bad news.

Illness isn’t the end of the world.

Don’t panic or come to believe it’s the end of it all. Won’t lie, you have potential osteoporosis on the way and your nerve damage gets worse but take it as it comes. You’re still ok. You find methods to cope with it.

Finally man, you're growing up and smashing norms within our culture. You've even been called a pretty boy twice. Life moves in mysterious big guy.

Anyone wants to speak to me about anything, transitioning, changes, coping anything, send me a message. I’m not perfect but I'll really try and help you.

[jeromebrooke1991]

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During Coronavirus, Investment Money Floods Into Wellness – WWD

https://pmcwwd.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/wellness.jpg?w=640&h=415&crop=1

The coronavirus pandemic has put a damper on a lot of things, but wellness M&A is not one of them.

Consumer interest in being healthy has never been higher, experts agree, and during the COVID-19 pandemic that has translated into higher sales in categories like supplements, at-home fitness and self-care. Deals have followed, with Lululemon paying $500 million for Mirror, an interactive at-home fitness service, Grove Collaborative acquiring Sundaily, a gummy supplement brand centered around skin health, and Nestlé Health Science agreeing to buy a majority stake in Vital Proteins, which makes collagen supplements, beverages and food products.

“Wellness has become the number-one priority for consumers through COVID-19, and likely to remain the top priority for consumers after COVID-19,” said William S. Hood, founder and chief executive officer of William Hood & Co., an investment bank that specializes in the supplements space. “Any consumer product that functions as an ingredient to a healthy lifestyle has generally performed well through COVID-19 and is positioned to perform very well [going forward]. Obviously supplements are one ingredient, but others [are] functional food and home fitness.” 

Experts agree that COVID-19 isn’t the only major shift in 2020 that’s going to affect M&A in the traditionally white-dominated wellness world. The surge in the Black Lives Matter movement prompted by the police killing of George Floyd is also changing the landscape — shifting both consumer dollars and investor attention to Black-owned wellness businesses, but also consumer consciousness around business practices like diversity and inclusion. 

“The movement has exposed how under-represented the [Black] community is from multiple directions — the number of Black-owned businesses, the number of Black employees in companies, the number of brands truly serving the Black consumer and so forth — and is holding companies accountable for effecting change,” said Janki Gandhi, managing director at Goldman Sachs. “It has already triggered a major push to invest in and spend money with the types of businesses mentioned and we anticipate that diversity will remain top of mind for investors and buyers going forward and will become a part of how they assess an opportunity.” 

Where consumers go, investors follow, pointed out Robin Tsai, a general partner at private equity firm VMG, which backs better-for-you food, beverage and beauty businesses, including Briogeo.

“Strategics and private equity and everybody follows consumers, so I’d expect that there’s going to be more activity in the [wellness] space,” Tsai said. “There’s beauty wellness, but there’s also physical-fitness wellness. Wellness sits in a Whole Foods, it sits in a GNC, it sits in Sephora and Ulta — there aren’t that many categories that do that.”

COVID-19 “has created a structural change in the amount of interest in the space,” agreed Coye Nokes, partner at OC&C Strategy Consultants. And while other consumer-facing categories have struggled due to retail closures and changes to consumer spending, wellness has “been pretty resilient, if not growing, as a result of the COVID situation,” Nokes said.

Sources said there are a number of deals in the market right now. Two names being cited are Tonal, another at-home fitness system and service, and nutritional supplement manufacturer Adaptive Health. Tonal declined to comment for this story. While dealmaking in other consumer categories stalled in the early days of the pandemic, wellness was not one of them, sources said, and many transaction conversations that would normally have been held in person have merely transitioned onto Zoom.

Interest in wellness-oriented companies is broad, sources said, and spans supplements, immunity, over-the-counter medications, telemedicine, fitness services and products and Millennial mom products, meaning cleanly formulated versions of motherhood staples, like Frida Mom’s post-partum care kits and Natalist’s prenatal vitamins and pregnancy tests. 

Strategic buyers are focused on consumer health, and wellness, broadly speaking, continues to be a high priority to them as it relates to where they’re looking to do deals and where they’re going to invest dollars, said Susan Roddy, managing director at Houlihan Lokey.

“For strategics, getting access to that Millennial mom is so critical,” Roddy said, noting that moms are behind most household purchasing decisions and are often the first entry point into a family. “Many strategics have very old, tired brands that resonate with 50- and 60-year old women but not with 20- and 30-year old women…that younger demographic is much more educated and focused on wellness for herself and her family than anyone was prior to her.”

Brands to watch in that space include SmartyPants, a vitamin business; Mommy’s Bliss, a mom-and-baby medication business, and Beekeeper’s Naturals, which makes honey-oriented throat sprays and other products, sources said. 

More broadly in wellness, sources called out brands like superfood blend brand Golde, adaptogenic wellness brand Moon Juice, Wellements baby vitamins, and Nuun hydration tablets, as potentially interesting to investors or buyers. 

Many investors also vocalized interest in online fitness platforms, like Obe. 

“Fitness will be forced to come back in a different manner, largely at the expense of gyms and boutique studios” said an investor whose portfolio includes chain fitness studios. “There may be no more 60-seat spin studios.” 

While a plethora of online fitness options has emerged since mid-March, when many in the U.S. started working from home, the ones that are able to foster loyalty and encourage repeat visits will be more attractive to investors, the source noted. “How sustained is the loyalty? These [platforms] need to create real businesses, or you’ll see that same switching behavior you see in boutique fitness.” 

A fitness industry report from Houlihan Lokey noted that there’s a strong possibility of fitness enthusiasts trading down for both COVID-19 safety and financial reasons. “There is also a possibility that consumers will shift away from more expensive boutique offerings or full-service gyms to those offering a high-value, low-price model,” the report states. 

That shift is likely to result in restructuring and bankruptcies, as well as consolidation. “We believe certain fitness providers and/or financial investors will seize the opportunity to acquire companies at discounted valuations when compared to those observed before the crisis,” the Houlihan report states. 

While consumers may be temporarily ditching their gyms, they aren’t ditching wellness routines overall, experts agree.

“Consumer behavior is changing. The one place they’re going to continue to invest and not pull back on likely is wellness,” said Kelly Dill, principal at venture capital firm Imaginary Ventures, which backs supplements line Hum Nutrition, baby food offering Cerebelly and fitness app Fitplan. “We’ve realized how important immunity and self-care and taking care of yourself is in all of this, so if you’re going to pull back on one thing, it’s probably not your health and wellness.”

Supplements in particular have demonstrated staying power in consumer consciousness, data shows. Searches for vitamin D, for example, are holding steadily above where they were at this time last year, Google Trends data compiled by Jefferies shows. 

Data from Jefferies also showed a massive spike in Google searches for “Black-owned brands” in June, and that brands like Briogeo and Golde, which are both Black-owned and wellness-oriented, saw web visit upticks in early June. 

Some investors said that the Black Lives Matter movement is likely to shift the way brands are scrutinized, as well as the way private equity firms and venture capitalists allocate money in the wellness community, 

It’s no longer enough for businesses to simply use Black models. “It has to be 360 — you cannot just rely on representation in imagery or people will be talking on Instagram and Twitter, said Lucie Greene, trend forecaster and strategist. “Are there any people of color on your board or in your executive leadership? Is there a pay disparity? With this era of hyper-transparency, this has already started to go even further, given the core consumer is more ethnically diverse than ever.” 

“Wellness is one of those things that doesn’t discriminate. Everyone’s trying to be a little better,” Tsai said. “We in general would love to be supportive of the [BLM] movement, be supportive of founders, be supportive of consumers along that bent, too.”

“I’m optimistic with an asterisk,” Dill said, when asked about the role the BLM movement will have on the wellness industry in dealmaking. “I want to do the work to make sure that happens. I want Imaginary to do the work. I want the venture community to do the work, and that is giving access to Black founders within wellness. The talent is there, the product is there, the founders are there, so there’s really no excuse,” Dilll said.

How brands have navigated through 2020 is likely to play a big role in dealmaking processes. Some experts say that M&A activity may get tougher for brands that may not have had a hard time getting a deal done pre-COVID-19. 

“Brands that have grown rapidly through COVID-19 will generate strategic valuations,” said Hood. “Even though it’s explainable, a brand that flatlined or declined during the pandemic is not considered a strategic asset — those businesses will be impacted.” 

A different financial source added that companies that decide to go through deal processes this year will be left defending their numbers no matter what — prospective investors are likely to attribute both sales spikes and declines to COVID-19, and to be looking for an idea of what steady-state figures may look like. 

The distribution investors are looking for has changed, too, with less of a focus on retail distribution, according to Franklin Isaacson, founding partner at Coefficient Capital. Even as wellness trends have taken off, vitamin and supplements retailer GNC filed for bankruptcy earlier this year with plans to close up to 1,200 stores. 

Isaacson said he’ll be looking for consumer wellness brands that don’t solely rely on retail, have affordable price points, and have proven efficacy, in anticipation of a consumer with less disposable income and little desire to shop in-store. 

“We want brands that are doing a good job overcoming all the barriers that exist today,” said Isaacson. “The consumer is going to think twice about that $80 jar of supplements that promises to firm up skin.” 

Hood noted that having experienced founders who are “strong” and “disciplined” is going to be critical for deal-seeking brands, especially in an era where accountability at the hands of the consumer has never been higher. “Are they doing the right things and able to manage the business the right way?” 

“Mission-driven businesses are going to perform very well,” Hood said. 

  Three Key Takeaways: 

1. Wellness M&A has continued through COVID-19 and is only expected to accelerate, especially in categories such as supplements, online fitness and better-for-you consumer goods geared toward Millennial moms. 

2. The Black Lives Matter movement is expected to have a lasting effect on the wellness category. Consumers are paying attention to company practices around diversity and inclusion, and investors say they will do more to invest in Black-owned wellness brands.

3. Brands with a strong digital presence and online sales are going to be more attractive to investors as consumers continue to be wary of in-store shopping throughout the global pandemic.

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[strongpowerbody-blog]

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[iannoyinglysweetstudent-blog]

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

"Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I'm moving to Alaska and I need advice about health insurance.?

I'm moving to Alaska in January and will be needing health insurance. Is there any cheap insurance there or something you can get based on your income? I will be getting a job eventually,but I need something before that and if the job is only part-time. My dad had lived there all his life and I will be moving in with him. Does that make a difference with anything?""

How much is insurance if your under 18?

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Does anyone know of affordable family health insurance?

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I have a '98 pontiac grand am thats in nice condition. can someone just give me a rough estimate, or what their insurance is or was as a teen""

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How much people can be on someone's auto insurance?

is there a limit to how many people/vehicles can be insured under one person's name? lets say, can a person insure his car and himself, as well as his 2 sons cars and his 2 ...show more""

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Would a auto insurance company be able to tell if you changed your deductibles after a wreck or comprehensive damage? If you changed it and then waited a couple of days or a week from say, 1000 to 500$ and then filed the claim. Do they check for recent changes in policy coverages?""

What does insurance go by?

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Obama is guaranteeing affordable health care for the uninsured?

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How much would the insurance be on a 2014 Corvette?

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What laws exist in California that a doctor can use against me if I spent the money the insurance sent me for medical services he performed?

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only drive 2 miles a couple times a week, never had a accident or ticket; 63yrs old,Mesa,AZ""

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

NY registration insurance lapse 2 years ago?

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How are car insurance companies regulated?

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Estimate how much it cost to add an additional car to insurance plan?

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What do i need to have insurance..!?answer please..!!?

so i know that if we do insurance,we will get amount for the thing when the insured thing is damaged..!! but what is the used of this??we have to pay premium every now and then and we will be get paid at the end?right??or will the insurance company provide any extra money other than the interest on our money?? and isn't it better to invest on some other thing and get profit and use when our things are damaged?? health insurance is ok,i accept that in urgent cases we cant bring back our invested money in a while ,so we do that,but what about vehicle insurance?why do we need that? and if to avoid paying tax,insurace is opted??and for that thing,i think there are other sources too? but whatever why people go for insurance..that what i wanted to know? and also..for example,if i have an insurance for my bike and its not met with an accident till now..and if i die and i have no family and relatives to claim..where will the policy go?? and if i do health insurance and if i die,i think the money will be given to my children or whoever i mentioned..!!..so i cant enjoy the money i earned..!! huhh....lot of questions..please take some time to answer..!! thanks in advance..:):)""

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Basically I am 16 and looking to buy a car that needs work, so that I have a car for when I pass my driving test. I have pretended I was born a year earlier which would make me 17 and eligible for insurance, but all the other details are true. I have also added my dad on the policy and the cheapest I got quoted was nearly 4000, and it's not like i'm going to be driving a rocket ship its a 1989 subaru justy 1.2l engine, which I have valued at 500 (double what its worth). Thus I am struggling to see why it costs so much?? BTW IT'S FIRE AND THEFT NOT EVEN FULLY COM""

""Insurance Claim estimate lower than expected, what do I do?""

An elderly lady backed up into my car a few days ago and we decided it'd be best to file an insurance claim. After the claim was ruled in my favor I was sent to a body shop for an estimate of the repair. The damage was to the rear quarter panel of my car which consisted of a scrape across the panel and a quarter sized dent in the panel. The insurance adjuster gave me an estimate and check for 855$. My question is in regards to the repairs, I feel that since this is 100% the other party's fault and since I am the person who has to drive the car that I am entitled to the maximum premium in repairs. I have been reading on Paintless Dent Removal (PDR) and most will say that its the cheap way of making a repair. Does anyone know if it would be possible to go back and get a new estimate/settlement for a new rear quarter panel? Basically my logic is this, if you damage any of my property it should be 100% my call if I want to settle for a compromise or not.""

Car insurance in new York city vs age and area?

Im making payments on a car $190 I'm paying full coverage for the car $695 a month and I'm 21 do you think its possible To switch to liability while I'm still paying the car note? Due to my age and new to insurance and live in NY I'm guessing that's y it's so high and can't get help from others so I wouldn't mind striving for myself.

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What is the best site for finding family health insurance?

What is the best site for finding family health insurance?

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Could somebody pleeaase give me a rough estimate of the yearly high-risk auto insurance cost?! I've just recently recieved a DUI and my license is currently suspended. I am starting the process of gettin it back now though and would like an idea of cost please and thanks! :) Oh and I'm also currently living in Ontario Canada, near Toronto but any estimate will help, Canadian or American! Thnx!""

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New York State Car Insurance Question?

A friend of mine had his car parked in front of his house in the street. A drunk driver without a license hit it while it was parked, left the car and ran off on foot. Turns out the person driving was not the owner of the car, he did not steal it, the owner let him borrow it. My friend's insurance company is telling him that they need some kind of acknowledgment by the owner of the car, admitting to wrong doing, before they can process his claim. Does this sound correct?""

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How can I tell if the chiropractor I have been going to accepts my insurance. I'm switching insurances on November 1st, so I need to know if they accept my new insurance. If they don't, I want to see what my other options are.""

On average how much would monthly insurance be on a 2012 rolls royce ghost?

On average how much would monthly insurance be on a 2012 rolls royce ghost?

Do all car insurances check your credit?

Is there anyway you can still get car insurance if you have bad or no credit? Which insurance agencies are more leanient?

""Which costs more, Motorcycle insurance or Car insurance ?

I just got my Drivers License earlier this second quarter and I'm going for my motorcycle within the next month or two. My birthday is in February and I am currently 23 years of age.

What's a good website for comparing auto insurance rates in Massachusetts?

I don't feel like paying $2,000 for insurance on a car that's worth barely that, but I don't know where to find a better deal. Any good resources for comparing rates? I'm in Massachusetts.""

Auto Insurance Claim.?

hi, i just got into a collision and it was my fault. the damages were minimal i know i am a auto body man myself. the other vehicle will be needing a bumper and right headlight +paint material+work hours (hourly rates vary by shop 25.-35.). i know my insurance will go up due to this collision but, i was planning on fileing a claim on sandblast on my truck i live here in the desert side of california and the free ways here can sometimes be very bad. i had painted my truck at my own shop about 7 months back my truck came out clean but, now its just sad there is little sand pits all over the front end not to mention the sides. Even after being in this collision, will i still be coverd for a sandblast claim?""

Buying car insurance for the first time. HELP!!!?

Next week I can get my licens, and I already have a car so the only thing left would be car insurance. I asked my mom, who is making me pay for it, how much it would be to be put on her insurance. She said $108 a month!!! I know that I will not be able to afford that. I have enough money right now for about 14 months and that is it. I already have a job, but all the money I make goes toward tuition for private school(long story). Can I have my own isurance plan? Do I have to be under a parent? what are my options? Please help. I have until newt Friday to figure it out.""

Difference between health and life insurance?

Difference between health and life insurance?

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

I just got into a car accident Please HELP insurance rate?

It's my fault. I rear ended him. My car is old and probably not worth repairing, smashed radiator, bumper, lights. The damage to my car is awful but his was very light, just his rear bumper yet an onlooker said bumpers cost a lot, maybe $800. Should I get my insurance company involved or pay this huge (for me) amount via a check to him directly? I've been a driver for two years only and I'm 30yrs old. If I reported it to my insurance company how much would my insurance go up? Let's pretend my insurance is a nice round number of $100 a month.How much would it affect my rate? Also what are deductables??? Please write an answer instead of sending me to some advertisement type link. Please help!""

Where can i find cheap auto insurance in buffalo ny?

looking for insurance for my dodge caravan

50cc Scooter Insurance Help?

I'm 16 in 9 days, and I'm going to celebrate with a Peugeot V Clic Silver Sport. However, I'm going to need insurance. I live in a quiet area, and my scooter will be kept in a locked, secure garage with four other scooters. I'm also very responsible and won't be thrashing it and doing wheelies. Does anyone think this will reduce the cost of insurance?""

Auto insurance claim?

I was backing my car up and hit a light pole. If I file a insurance claim is this considered Collision or Comprehensive?

How much would car insurance cost for me?

i am 17 years old, have a clean record, and am earning a 3.0 gpa...anyone have any price range?""

How much is insurance for a Porsche Boxster?

I'm 16 and getting a Boxster. I would like to know how much insurance is for it. We have state farm insurance. And I DO NOT want to hear Parents shouldn't give their teenager an expensive car! Just because I am a teenager, doesn't mean I will crash. I don't drink, speed, do drugs, or text and drive. So keep your opinions to yourself, thanks :)""

What is the most affordable health insurance in NYC?

My friend doesn't have health insurance and is planning on putting his new baby (born around Oct.) on his policy with him. He's Latin American and has his permanent residence card, but is not yet a citizen. Anyone know of any affordable plans for him to look into in the Manhattan area?""

High Risk Auto Insurance - Where can I find the lowest quote online?

Is there any online auto insurance website that specializes in getting the lowest rates on car insurance for high risk drivers? If so can anyone guide me to one?

Is there insurance for replica cars(EX. Replica Lamborghini Countach).?

Is there insurance for replica cars(EX. Replica Lamborghini Countach). OR Do you just say to the insurance company the donor car used to build the Replica(EX Pontiac Feiro)($3-5K) So they cover only the car used and just treat the replica kit as just additon stuff(EX like adding more exspensive RIMS to a VW). Is the replica insurance cheaper then a real cars insurance. EX Replica Lamborghini Countach($25K)(V6 Engine, Pontiac Fiero) VS. REAL 1988 Porsche 911 ($25k)(V6 Porsche Engine) Do 21st auto Insuracne company have Replica Car insurance and/or will they cover just the donor car used to build the Replica.""

Auto Body Shop gives me an estimate higher than insurance settlement bus says they'll work it out?

Before I got word back from my insurance company on a settlement for a cehicle accident, I already got two estimates from two body shops. The estimates were at $5,000 .... but now ...show more""

Whats the cheapest car insurance?

Whats the cheapest car insurance?

Car recommendations for a college student?

I'll be getting my first car in the spring of 2012. I'm staying in an apartment near the campus, and I'll have a bike for that. The majority of my driving will be errands around town, and driving the 117 miles back home occasionally to visit family. Low insurance, high gas mileage, and safety are top priorities. I've got about $15,000 to spend on the car. I will have a part time job to pay insurance/gas/etc. So far the only car that appeals to me is the 2010+ Mazda3 because it has a nice exterior, and I love the interior and features compared to other small cars. Gas mileage is decent, but not the best. Also, if I go for the hatchback, will that raise my insurance costs? Do you have any other recommendations? The Mazda3 has the best interior that I've seen so far, that's the basic factor that's keeping me from other cars.""

Why do people keep comparing health insurance to car insurance?

Yes you are forced to have car insurance....if you OWN a car! Why do people keep stating that being forced into buying health care is no different than being federally mandated to own car insurance?

Why car insurance quotes go up late at night?

Just been look at car insurance for the last few days using comparison sites and I have been noticing the quotes go up and down by a few hundred pound depending on what time of day it is. Anyone know why this happens?

Im a new motorcycle rider and I was wondering which insurance is the best but cheap?

Im 24 yrs old, I was thinking of Progressive insurance? Is there anything that I can do to make my insurance lower?""

Motorcycle insurance for 16 year old male price in ontario?

im looking to buy a 2001 Harley-Davidson sportster 883 for my first bike what am i looking to pay for insurance

Car insurance help? ?

Car insurance for a school permit? my question involves teen drivers and insurance i am a 15 year old in iowa, i would like to get a school permit (in iowa, this allows me to drive to and from school over the most direct route without an adult in the vehicle)because of the many extracurriculars I'm involved with. my dad was wondering though if it would be very expensive to get me on the insurance plan. here are some factors -we are with westfield insurrance -I'm a 15 year old girl -honor student -passed drivers ed with an A -my parents work at the school, so i would catch a ride when i could with them, i would only probably use the school permit for late night or early morning practices (i mention this because i read that if a person only drives occasionally it could lower costs slightly? ) -never been in an accident or been pulled over -i wouldn't be driving a fast car, probably our van or pontiac grand am any estimates on costs? my dad said that i wouldn't be able to get on the insurance if it was 100 or more $ a year, so if you could give me some suggestions on how to lower it or any tips at all, i would really appreciate it""

Affordable Health Insurance in California?

I'm really sick and I went to the doctor's office yesterday to see what I had. I was under Medical but the doctor said he couldn't see me because I had to pay $795 dollars monthly for them to see. I don't understand why I would pay so much, I'm 20 years old, a single mother, and a full-time student. I work too, but my income is less than $1200 monthly. Has this happened to anyone? My baby is still covered by medical but I would like to find an affordable health insurance for the two of us... does anyone know of one? thank you [:""

Why does your motorcycle insurance ask whether you're married or single?

Why would this affect your insurance cost?

Does a roommate have to be on my car insurance in Fl?

I rented a room to a lady with no car she is going for a.Florida drivers license soon she moved here from another state where she had a drivers license. Am I required to put her on my car insurance?

What are the minimum legal requirements for auto insurance in california ?

What are the minimum legal requirements for auto insurance in california ?

How much would my car insurance go up if I got a mustang?

I'm 24 years old, have a good driving record, and I am currently on with my dad's insurance. I have a 2005 chevy aveo right now, with almost 75,000miles; and I pay $110 a month for insurance. Unfortunately, my car may be reaching it's end, and I may have to get a new car. I've found a used 2002 ford mustang, 2 door and 14,633 miles on it. How much do you think my insurance would go up? My dad says it would sky rocket... But I figure I'd ask anyway! Thanks!""

Why did the emergency room need auto insurance?

We slammed on brakes to avoid car running red light no collision hospital made copies of auto insurance for dh headache and sore neck why and will insurance be notified and will rates go up live in northern Minnesota

""Worried about getting insurance for a car, when i have bad credit!?""

Is it right that in the UK, some insurance providers can refuse to give you insurance if you have a bad credit rating?? I'm panicing that i wont be able to get insurance when i pass my test!!""

""How many people out there would love a health care insurance exchange, where you can buy insurance on your own?""

and not have to choose a job based on benefits, and you could switch jobs without worrying about losing coverage. Why would people be against this, unless they are part of a union and do not want everyone to have great benefits like they do?""

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

Will making on time car insurance payments electronically help my credit?

I recently got my car insurance in my own name. Once I start making on time payments will the credit bureaus see that as an account in good standing with on time payments and ulitmately raise my credit score?

How much is the average cost of premiums for E&O insurance for a CPA firm?

I'm wondering what would be an average estimated cost for e&o insurance costs for a CPA firm? the firm has more than 3 people and more than $400,000 in revenue""

Vehicle Insurance coverage?

Whats the difference between a 'First Party' and 'Third Party' insurance?

Is car insurance issued in one province valid in another?

I can't afford insurance in Ontario. The basic rates for males under 25 are the highest in all of north america. I was thinking of changing my legal address to Manitoba to apply for their insurance whilst forwarding all my mail to my actual address. I can't take public transit, I live and study in the suburbs. I'd also have to bike 20kms each way to work otherwise. I was quoted between 6000-8000$ /year despite no accidents,tickets and choosing a relatively cheap car to insure.""

Ideal cheap car for beginners?

I'm looking for a used car with a cheaper insurance that would be ideal for a new driver. Any suggestions?

Car insurance while buying a car.?

I live in Washington and i plan on buying a car, $700 cash. Do i have to have insurance to drive it off the lot? or can i just go without insurance, i'm not financing or anything, paying full price.""

Auto Insurance Question: Please help!!!!!?

I asked this yesterday too, but did not get any responses; so if you have any information at all, or this has happened to you, please list an answer! I just recently lost my beautiful 1977 Monte Carlo to a fire! It was all original, and the adjuster found it to be worth between $12,000 and $13,000. Due to my ignorance of insurance, we were put into a stated value insurance policy worth $6,000, and now, I am only getting $6,000 for my car. I feel ripped off. I am young, and don't know anything about insurance, but trusted my agent. The car has been in my family and was gifted to me from my dad a little less than one year ago. My agent asked for photos, and a letter from my parents with what they thought the worth of the car was, signed saying it was a gift. So, that's what we gave him. They stated in the letter they paid $6000 for it 8 years ago. We were never told to get the car appraised, or that we had to keep up on checking to see if the value had gone up so we could change our policy. Do any of you have any advice on how I can get the insurance company to give me all the money? Is there anything I can do at all? Thank You so much!""

Would I be able to get sr22 insurance and drive a family car?

So I need sr22 insurance, but I dont own a car. I have heard two different answers on this from the same auto insurance company (vern fonk). I used to drive my familys car and I had asked them when I went in can I drive that car if I get sr22 insurance and they said no because they have insurance on it, but than when my dad said I could drive the car and that they didnt know what they were talking about I decided to call back. I explained it to the guy on the phone at vern fonk and he said if i get the non owners auto insurance than I can drive any car including theres because I would have liability insurance. Which one is true? because I would like to be able to drive again and cant afford a car right now.""

Where can I get Affordable Life Insurance?

Where can I get Affordable Life Insurance?

Car Insurance?

So I got my license the other day I'm 16 turning 17. I don't have a car yet, but I want to drive alone. My mom has a car but my name isin't included in the policy. I heard somewhere that I could still drive the car. Is that true? How much would it cost if my name is added to the car? the car is on AAA Insurance.? . Another question. Im going to be working soon, how much would it cost for a 17 year old to drive his own car with his own insurance, BUT if im added to my DAD's policy.?""

How much will insurance go up with 2 points on drivers license in CA?

Im from California. So I have 2 points on my driving record how much will the insurance go up? I work for a company as a driver. They have The Hartford car insurance. Thanks.

Health insurance over seas?

my grandma is going to japan for a little while, and she is a bit older and her health is a concern. if anything happens over there.. is there a way to get health insurance in japan? or does an insurance company have a special coverage?""

What car insurance to choose? free easy 10 points?

I just want an insurance for 1 month for my car. I just called Halifax up and they said that the minimum period of insurance they do is 2 months so does anyone know of any insurers who do 1 month of car insurance thanks a lot

What's your monthly car payment? And Insurance?

I'm interested to see what people pay for their cars and car insurance compared to me. I'm a single 28 year old female living in a city. (RI) I pay $282 for a new Jetta lease and insurance is $157 per month. Just seeing if this is the average.... I'm also moving to NY suburbs and am considering changing my insurance, anyone know if I can do this if I own a home in RI still? RI has month to month sales tax, but has higher insurace premiums and NY wants sales tax up front, but NY suburbs insurance costs half as much as what I pay now. I wonder if its worth it to switch states???""

Car insurance with motoring conviction?

trying too find insurance, that isn't a ridicules price for a close friend, he got 6 points for driving while uninsured last year, 200 fee. (and since it was in the first 2 years of him driving he had too re do his license). he has 2 criminal convictions... the cheapest i've found is at-least 5.000+.. don't want any judging, but surly insurance shouldn't be refusing too insure them, when they're actually trying too get insurance when there conviction was no insurance?""

Is it possible to cancel my car insurance?

I am a new driver and I have to pay around $135 a month. I am a guy by the way so this may be why it is so high. I have a job, but it's part time and doesn't pay well. I don't plan on driving the car often, just to school and work only 2-3 days a week and taking the bus the other days. I also do not plan on driving in the winter months. Is it possible to cancel my insurance while keeping my license from Dec. to March? My policy is under my parents and we have an extra car that just sits in the garage and it's the one I drive. Also, the insurance people said I could wait until January to lower my insurance rate to $110. I like the idea, but I don't want to wait hehe. Can I cancel my insurance then return to it a couple months later?""

Is there affordable Health Insurance for a jobless 23 year old?

Hi. I'm a 23 year old female college student and I don't have a job. I turned 23, May 23 and am untterly confused about how to obtain health insurance. I don't have a job (not from lack of trying) and I desprately need to see a dentist. I don't know how this insurance thing goes. I usually just ask my mom who to go see and I go and see them, but since I'm cut off this is difficult/impossible. I appreciate all answers (though I beg you to make them useful answers). Thank you!""

""Served my country, but can't get life insurance?""

I have served in the US Army for 17 years, I have deployed 5 times in support of many operations to include twice to Iraq and preparing for a 3rd. I took a physical last year for life insurance when I retire and it was found that I have a high level of protein in my urine. I have been denied time after time because of this preexisting condition. Who can I go through so I can get some affordable life insurance. It is sad how this country takes care of it's veterans. I have done everything that was asked of me as a Soldier, now that my time is almost up, my country turns it's back on me. What a shame.""

""Is there any insurance for self-employed parents with small kids, in TX?""

Is there any insurance for self-employed parents with small kids, in TX?""

I already have car insurance and I am getting a new car...?

I already have car insurance which I paid in full in December 2012 which cost me 2500, I have got a new car and they said I owe them 550 for the remaining months, could I pay this monthly or does it have to be in full?""

How can I get my own insurance?

I'm 17 years old. My dad can't afford insurance because he has 4 kids and they won't give him free insurance. I live in Georgia. I need insurance cause I end up having to pay BY MYSELF like 90$ to go to the doctor. I also don't think it's okay to not have insurance. So what do I do? Where do I do this? Would they allow a 17 year old to get insurance by their self (being a minor)

Car insuance??

what highers your insurance and what are some tips to lower it??? I am a 16 YEAR OLD GUY so its gunna b high because of that i have heard if u have a ~sports car ~coupe ~yellow car ~if ur a guy ~if ur a teen ~if u buy a high profile car ~if u drive more than 40 miles a day ~if u have a bad driving record all these things higher the cost of insurance.... anything else and any tips?

Which car insurance won't be so expensive for me?

I'm 19 years old turning 20 at the end of this year. I Go to college. I don't have any tickets on my driving record. i got my license when i was 18. my car is volkswagen cabrio 2000. which car insurance will be the cheapest for my case?

""When getting a quote from a car insurance place, do they automatically add you to there car insurance?""

I did an online quote for a car insurance place, and they asked for my name, number, e-mail, address, if I am currently insured, etc. they gave me a total of how much I would have to pay, does that mean I am added to there car insurance? or not?""

Car Insurance for 18 year old?

I am looking to buy my Daughter a small car, she is 18, what is the ideal car for me to buy, as insurance is the problem the cheapest we can find is 800 for a KA, valued at 500, thanks""

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

Huron South Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 57399

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-you-have-home-owners-insurance-own-house-james-benson/"

[mytrueweaknessiscas]

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[redlipsfortheguillotine]

Dr Took My Appendix or: How I Learned to Stop Searching and Love the Iron, Part II

Part II Appendixgate

Now I’m not someone who believes things happen for a reason. Not at all. I think things happen, some of which as a result of our own actions, for better or worse, some as a result of the actions of others, and some just randomly. But I think every time something happens, we have choices. Bad breakup, fail an exam, have a drinking problem, get robbed, anything really – we choose what to do with it, if we can. Sort of like when people say depression happens for a reason. Yeah, the reason is usually being born with mental illness, developing them in life or as a result of another illness, medication etc. It��s not that deep, and it’s a shitty deal. Likewise, I believe freak medical emergencies happen for the reason that, well, they just do. Disease, accident or in this case, standard appendix ticking time bomb gone awry.

On July 31st I went to bed feeling totally fine. Well, still bored and insufferable. But fine. August 1st, I woke up at 4am with stabbing pains in my gut. Sort of similar at that point to the pain you get when you have food poisoning or a bad GI bug. I got up, had some quick and horrendous toilet action, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I called in sick to my practicum (which I only did because I couldn’t stand up straight because of the pain). Mid morning, I took a taxi to the ER, because it was much worse. Appendicitis vaguely occurred to me since right lower quadrant pain is a hallmark of the condition. I was given an ultrasound by the bedside – note, bedside ultrasounds are less reliable, and ultrasounds in general are unreliable when performed on someone with abdominal fat as the visibility is bad. The Dr said it “probably” wasn’t appendicitis so he wasn’t going to do a CT, and that it would either get better or worse. He said he’d get me some Advil (seriously, on behalf of the entire medical establishment I’m sorry we think an Advil is helpful for anything that brought you to the ER). He forgot, and I went home. I took Advil every 4 hours, which took the pain from a 9 down to a 7, so that was the routine. My pain level of 10 up to this point in my life was my first IUD insertion about 9 years ago, just for reference. At this point my practicum instructor called me and reassured me that when I got in on Tuesday we’d sort out a way for her to test my skills and we’d figure out the missed hours.

On August 2nd, I woke up feeling still shitty, but hoped I could get a lost of rest. Around lunchtime I started feeling a bit weird and nauseous. I turned off the fan and curled up on the couch with a blanket. I was freezing, which is obvs weird as I am always sweaty. Suddenly I realized I was going to puke, and walked to the bathroom, noting that I was walking into furniture on the way. I went to throw up, didn’t, and sat down on the bathroom floor. I noticed my toes and feet were super pale and blueish, stood up and saw my face was too, and my lips were purple. Now I may just be in the beginning of LPN school but I know that these are bad things. I said out loud to my reflection, “this is bad, I’m scared.” Then I stumbled on back to the living room to call my mum, and as I leaned over the couch my fingers smartly dialed 911. I explained my situation and was told not to eat or drink in case I threw up, and that there were no ambulances available but they’d send one when they had one. Yeah. That’s a thing. Probably worth its own blog post. I took my temp which was 38.5, so that got me thinking, well maybe this IS appendicitis. But what’s with the weird feeling? I called my mum, who called Al on her cell while talking to me on her house phone (and tried at one point to put the phones together so Al and I could hear each other – useless, but cute!). I asked her to help me time my pulse, which I discovered was 160. Um, shit, I thought. It’s normally 76, so this is an issue. 

55 minutes later the ambulance showed up, at the same time as Allan arrived from work. I got into the bus and the paramedic and I agreed that I was super sweaty, and my pulse was nuts. I told him the Dr had said maybe it was the stomach flu, and he gave me the paramedic face that says “this is definitely not the stomach flu it’s obviously an infection but I don’t diagnosis so I’m not saying that.” Got to the ER, where we all learned together that getting an IV into a sweaty arm is very hard. No IV Gravol for me! A bed became available, and as soon as I stood up nausea gave way to me telling the paramedic I needed to poop. Yep that’s what I said, at age 34 to a paramedic “I need to poop.” Allan came in with me to make sure I didn’t pass out, and then we both quickly decided we weren’t ready for same room pooping, so he stood outside. While, I might add, another patient screamed that she was dying. Hospitals are awesome. Anyway, I got to the bed, and thankfully saw a smart and pro Dr, who said “this is going to hurt,” poked me in the gut hard and whipped his hand away. (Rebound pain is a fairly definitive mark of appendicitis, it’s the removal of pressure that really hurts). I scream-moaned and he said “K! Appendicitis I think, let’s get you some morphine and a CT scan.” Morphine is awesome, just for the record, and I went from pain that was now a 10 to a nice fuzzy 5. The CT showed my appendix was 3 times its normal size, with probable fluid collection which could indicate rupture, and p.s. I have 3 accessory spleens (called splenules!) that are maybe useful and probably cute. Got scheduled for emergency surgery 45 minutes later.

Woke up and discovered what a 10 on the pain scale REALLY feels like. Yuck. What I thought was 15 minutes in the recovery room was actually 2 hours of Al feeding me ice chips until they could get my pain down. Two 5mg doses of fentanyl later and a lot more ice chips (and Allan asking me questions about North Korea for his own amusement) and I got wheeled to my room. Nb: fentanyl gets shit-talked but medically it’s epic, it’s just only great in a medically supervised environment where you can be reminded to breathe and the dose is exact. Though you’ll do stuff like text your friend and have no recollection of doing so. But I digress. I soon discovered I had a drain extending from my belly, to collect what was in fact a ton of fluid from the ruptured appendix and the large abscess that caused said rupture. The next couple of days involved a lot of pain (a new 10! Post surgical pain after fentanyl wears off), a lot of Dilaudid (aka hydromorphone - also gets shit-talked, also great in a medical setting), a bunch of crying, me trying to convince my surgeon that I had to get out and go to my practicum, and a lot of help from nurses, my mum and my husband. We nurses are obsessed with whether post-surgical patients are passing gas. This is because we need to ensure bowel paralysis is not an issue. No exception here, I had someone asked me if I had passed gas every couple of hours. All I wanted to do was lie in bed, but I know walking helps gas passing, and I now completely understand how hard it is to get post-surgical patients to walk around. But I did. I’d walk up and down the hallway with Allan and my IV pole as support, ensuring my drain was securely pinned to my gown so it didn’t pull on that incision. I had low BP so lots of potassium IV, I had about 5 bags of IV antibiotics a day, and Heparin shots to prevent blood clots. On the day I was released I had my surgical drain removed. This involves a friendly nurse pulling a couple of feet of tubing out of you, followed by a 12-inch piece of plastic, while you make alien noises and try to breathe out enough for your ab muscles to stop trying to pull the tubing back in. You guessed it – new 10 on the pain scale. Luckily, I can’t remember that pain, cause my mind was like NOPE block that shit out. I got home, and thank Odin for Allan, who fed me healthy food and toweled me off after showers (and made fun of me for making him carefully dry between my toes), gave me meds because I was too high to correctly dose myself, and carried my pillows to and from the couch/bed every day. It took about 3 weeks of inactivity and my formerly unshakable quad muscles atrophied to nothing.

For the first time in my life, I felt an overwhelming need to go to the gym. More specifically, I wanted to lift weights. I felt weak. After surgery, the drain and what turned out to be sepsis, I was wrecked (thank you Dr idiot for sending me home instead of getting me a CT scan, thank you me for following my intuition when I knew there that my body was screaming at me that something really bad was happening). I’m fine, but sepsis kills people, and as I know now it takes about a month to recover from. Then some recovery from all the antibiotics themselves. But honestly, I’m so grateful for antibiotics and for the paramedics and for that second Dr for quickly and correctly diagnosing me. I could have done without knowing what sepsis felt like but I’m glad I now do, for my own benefit and the benefit of my future patients. I went through a lot of feelings (even more than usual!) over those weeks, from being angry I couldn’t finish my practicum or continue onto the next term with my friends, to feeling lucky to be alive, from feeling good that I had a break from the school work I had not been handling well. Eventually, I settled somewhere in between all of those feelings. I enjoyed the food Al made for me (including actual vegetables for the first time in months). I gave up coffee, which my Dr had been suggesting for oh, several years. (I suggest trying to quit coffee while immobile, without responsibility, and hopped up on drugs, it’s much easier). I watched several seasons of RuPauls’ Drag Race, and eventually, I started watching CrossFit documentaries on Netflix.  This was the first sign that something was very different. I was choosing to watch fit people on tv, and I wasn’t crying that I was out of shape and they were better than me – I was feeling inspired. Needless to say, I’m not sure if I found it stranger or if Allan did, but it was clear that post-surgery Rachel was perhaps some sort of Rachel 2.0.

Part III coming soon

[braindamageforbeginners]

Week 1, Day 1, Treatment 1

I’m back home, after a day at the hospital. If things continue at the current rate, well, I’ll probably be dead in the near-future (median life-expectancy of GBM patients is 14 months), but at least I’ll make a dent in the reading list.

I began my day with a potentially dangerous, experimental drug. I’m going to focus on the positive and think that this is a step closer to being Hunter S. Thompson, and try to forget the fact that the nurse had to put on protective laboratory gear before handling something that she then injected into my veins. Also, because I’d been warned about keeping super-hydrated throughout this process (and because I have hard-to-find veins), I’d been chugging Gatorade since I rolled out of bed, so hooking me up to an IV  to hydrate me was just gilding the lily. Or over-filling the water balloon, to be more accurate. Anyway, apart from spending a disturbing amount of time, uh, let’s say, “discarding” all that excess fluid, there aren’t too many side-effects worth reporting (we’ll get to that shortly). Admittedly, spending about ten minutes peeing after 18 hours being pumped full of an unknown substance is disturbing, but if that’s the worst I suffer today, I’ll count it as a victory. However, the day is not over, and I have not taken my bed-time chemo drugs, and, as Herodotus wrote, “Judge no man fortunate until he is dead.”

However, as far as side-effects, I’m not too worried about vomiting any more. The nameless anti-nausea drug is amazingly effective; like, I could easily see myself becoming addicted to this stuff. Not because there’s any sort of fun, psychedelic effect, but because I hate puking, and this medication is so effective that I think I could wolf down a rotting raccoon carcass without any side effects (other than contracting rabies, I mean). Obviously, I’ll be putting that to the test over the coming weeks, but life would seem to have improved significantly in that regard (and, I’ve been told the chemo side-effects should be further lessened if I continue my extreme hydration-regimen).

I am, however, experiencing some side-effects; I feel bad, but not horrible. Specifically, my muscles feel sore and cramp-y, which, while unpleasant, isn’t the worst I was fearing. And, according my mad scientist oncologist (specifically, my Southern California Mad Scientist Oncologist), side-effects are indicative that the miracle drug is working well. And, based on how my muscles feel, it’s working. The major complaint, apart from lethargy, is, I shit you not, hallucinations. So, I plan to spend tomorrow lying on the couch, being tormented by my subconscious. This is different from normal because now there will be a visual component, and I’ll have a note from my doctor (also, I’ll eventually have to pry myself off the couch and get irradiated). Also, the worstest side-effects aren’t predicted to show up until week 2 or week 3; bad news is, they don’t think I’ll start recovering until week 10. Worse news - much, much worse news - is, after the six-ish weeks of radiation (for those of you keeping count, I have 30 radiation appointments, but since they don’t work on weekends, that works out to six weeks; and chemo every single day throughout), assuming that’s successful, I’ll get on a chemotherapy rotation, which means I’ll get three weeks off, and one week of chemo, for a whole year. FOR. ONE. WHOLE. YEAR. Which means, at my current life expectancy, I’ll be on some sort of unpleasant drugs for the rest of my life. Still, as I’m very aware, the phrase, “we’re extending treatment” is vastly preferable to the phrase, “we’re stopping treatment because it’s not working.” Also, if I do lose any hair, the clinicians think it’ll be in a very small, specific spot. Still, adding even another unpleasant side-effect seems excessively cruel.

And, I got some very reassuring signs today regarding my physicians. I never had any reason to doubt their competence, but, I have survived three tumors (so far) for fifteen years (the breakdown is; I got tumor #1 removed fifteen years ago, since then, I’ve had two more tumors), but it’s always good to have that confidence affirmed. Before I get there, a brief restatement to all future cancer patients (and humans in general); I’ve said it before, the crucial difference between a fatal disease and a dangerous disease is your medical team. Do not screw around with this, your life will depend upon it; do some research (Yelp does not count), and go straight to the best (the actual best, not the “Trump Steak” best). We now continue with the anecdote currently in progress.

During one of my many, many administrative/clerical intake interviews/vital signs monitoring sessions, an aide asked who my oncologists were, and I said, “Drs. X and Y,” and she, “Oh, they’re the best.” Now, it’s always possible - especially since we have a commander-in-chief who is hell-bent on destroying superlatives - that she was exaggerating, or just saying it because they bought her coffee or something, but, I know from fifteen years on the receiving end of modern medicine, that the nurses and administrative staff are usually where the buck stops, and they know a lot more than they let on, so their endorsements are usually reliable. Also, immediately prior to my serum injection, I was visited by Research Coordinator (and, to preserve everyone’s anonymity, I’m going to be extremely vague), who assured me that they only test drugs that are extremely promising. Which seemed like a regurgitation of Bioethics 101, until he also admitted that my oncology team will occasionally accept money to test drugs they know won’t work, then weasel out of that commitment through various medicolegal means and just keep the money. That might be some sort of standard, cancer research hack, but it’s still brilliant. And, even if they weren’t acting within the bounds of the law, there’s not a jury that would ever convict them.

As far as the radiation treatment, it went mostly-fine. To dwell on the negative (or to forewarn all future brain cancer patients), the weird plastic-mask thing is the most disturbingly claustrophobic thing I’ve ever encountered. I thought it was freaked out about it when they were fitting me for it, and it felt like some sort of weird fetish. Now, it feels like being smothered. The good news is, if you can resist the impulse to panic, and just remember to breathe, it’s not too bad after the initial shock (hopefully, that’s applicable to all my experiences over the next year). So, if you have claustrophobia or a fear of being smothered (a greater-than-average fear of being smothered, let us say), I’d definitely recommend asking about sedation beforehand. Hell, I’d ask about sedation the minute you get a cancer diagnosis, but especially look into it if you have claustrophobia and you’re getting radiation treatment and/or MRIs.

Anyway...

WEIGHT: about 210 lb (95-ish kilos). There were some fluctuations throughout the day (I got weighed several times throughout the day) between 209 lb to 217 lb, but that’s explained by both the incredible amount of fluids I’ve consumed throughout the day and whether I remembered to remove my shoes. CONCENTRATION: Pretty good; I made some decent headway in the Wodehouse novel I’m reading, even while being pumped full of saline and super-soldier serum (which is really saying something, because I really needed to use the restroom during that whole process). MEMORY: Not bad. I’m still missing or forgetting occasional stuff, which is a little upsetting, but I can still quote pertinent studies I read a few years ago. APPETITE: Decreased, but I’m still eating. I’ve also been drinking way too much water and/or Gatorade, and I started the day with a large, bacon-egg sandwich (heart disease be damned), and all that would chip away at the appetite even before factoring stress and experimental drugs in. ACTIVITY LEVEL: Normal. Normal-ish. I’m feeling sluggish now, at 9 pm, after a long day spent in waiting rooms, so it’s not like I turned down the opportunity to go jogging because I was feeling poorly (spoilers: I only ever run when being chased, or when I’m late for a plane). SLEEP QUALITY: Pretty good, for me. I got eight-ish hours of sleep last night, which is great for someone about to start cancer treatments, but I still have a big sleep debt. COORDINATION/DEXTERITY: Not bad, but I’m very slightly wobbly when finishing tasks/movements that require coordination. Starting them and the middle, I’m fine with, for some reason. PHYSICAL: Very much the same as yesterday, which is good. No new headaches or body-based symptoms, and the eternal suture-headache is quite tolerable. SIDE EFFECTS: The muscles in my upper body hurt. A lot. But it’s no worse than if I’d gone to the gym with someone named “Biff,” so I suppose I shouldn’t gripe too much, but it still hurts. And I can’t take aspirin, because I’m already at risk for bleeding thanks to the damned chemo drugs (I guess that’s my pain level - “Needs aspirin and will complain bitterly if deprived, but will survive without”). I’m peeing a lot - an awful lot - but I’m also keeping extremely hydrated, so I’m not sure that’s a side-effect. I feel oddly alert - like I’ve had half an espresso - but my body isn’t moving fast enough to keep up with my mind. It might seem excessively negative to keep track like this, but I actually intend to take careful notes in this area and send them all to my researchers at the end of all this.

[oovitus]

Can eating too little actually damage your metabolism? Exploring the truths and fallacies of ‘metabolic damage’.

There’s a lot of discussion in the fitness industry about whether crash dieting can cause metabolic damage. In this article, we’ll take on this interesting topic and separate fact from fiction. We’ll also teach you exactly why crash diets might be linked to struggling to maintain your weight in the future.

++++

Despite working out consistently and intensely, plus eating carefully, you’re not losing weight (or not losing it as fast as you’d like or expect).

Or you were losing weight consistently… until recently. Now you’re stuck — even though you’re working as hard as ever.

Or when you were younger, you were super fit. Maybe you did fitness competitions. Maybe you did some crash diets. But now, even when you put in the same effort, you just can’t seem to get as lean.

“Is my metabolism damaged?”

Precision Nutrition Coaching clients ask us this question all the time.

(If you’re a trainer or coach, you’ve probably heard it from your clients too.)

Can months or years of dieting do some kind of long-term harm to the way the human body processes food?

Not exactly.

But gaining and losing fat can change the way your brain regulates your body weight.

To understand this answer let’s explore how human metabolism actually works. Then we’ll talk about whether the metabolism can actually be damaged.

Note: This post delves into the science of energy balance, thermodynamics, and metabolic regulation. If you love learning this stuff, feel free to dig in.

If, on the other hand, you’re simply looking for solid, research-backed advice on how to lose fat and break weight-loss plateaus, feel free to skip to the summary at the end. 

Energy balance: The laws of physics still apply.

You need a certain amount of energy (in the form of calories) to stay alive, as well as to move around. You can get this energy from food, or you can retrieve it from stored energy (e.g. your fat tissue).

In theory:

If you eat less energy than you expend, you should lose weight.

If you do the opposite (i.e. eat more energy than you expend), you should gain weight.

In other words: *We use the term “body stores” deliberately as it represents the tissues available for breakdown (fat, muscle, organ, bone, etc) and excludes water (which can change body weight independently of energy balance).

This relationship between ‘energy in’ and ‘energy out’ is called the Energy Balance Equation, and it’s the most commonly accepted model for calculating a person’s energy balance and how much weight they’ll lose or gain over time.

While the Energy Balance Equation determines body weight, it doesn’t tell us much about body composition, which is influenced by things like sex hormone levels, macronutrient intake (especially protein), exercise style / frequency / intensity, age, medication use, genetic predisposition, and more.

Understandably, people get really frustrated and confused with the Energy Balance Equation when the numbers don’t seem to add up, or their results don’t match their expectations. (This is a good lesson, by the way, about the importance of adjusting your expectations to match observable reality.)

And it’s a fair frustration. Most of the time, the numbers don’t add up.

Importantly:

This mismatch between expectations versus reality is not because the Energy Balance Equation is wrong, or a myth. Nobody’s body defies the laws of physics, even though it seems like that sometimes.

It’s because the equation is more complicated than it sounds.

Many factors affect the Energy Balance Equation; they aren’t mutually exclusive. What you do to ‘energy in’ affects what happens to ‘energy out’. And vice versa.

“Eat less, move more” is a good start. (Most of us could probably benefit from eating a little less and getting a little more daily activity.)

But that advice alone isn’t enough. It doesn’t take all of the complex, intersecting factors into account.

Let’s take a look at some of these factors, starting with the ‘energy in’ part of the equation.

‘Energy in’ is trickier than you think.

Reason 1: The number of calories in a meal likely doesn’t match the number of calories on the labels or menu.

This might sound hard to believe, but it’s true… the way companies (and even the government) come up with calorie and nutrient estimates is incredibly complex, rather imprecise, and centuries-old. As a result, food labels can be off by as much as 20-25 percent.

And even if those food labels were correct:

Reason 2: The amount of energy a food contains in the form of calories is not necessarily the amount of energy we absorb, store, and/or use.

Remember that the food we eat has to be digested and processed by our unique bodies. The innumerable steps involved in digestion, processing, absorption, storage, and use — as well as our own individual physiological makeup — can all change the energy balance game.

So, for instance:

We absorb less energy from minimally processed carbohydrates, and fats, because they’re harder to digest.

We absorb more energy from highly processed carbohydrates and fats, because they’re easier to digest. (Think of it this way: The more “processed” a food is, the more digestion work is already done for you.)

For example, research has shown that we absorb more fat from peanut butter than from whole peanuts. The researchers found that almost 38 percent of the fat in peanuts was excreted in the stool, rather than absorbed by the body. Whereas seemingly all of the fat in the peanut butter was absorbed.

In addition:

We often absorb more energy from foods that are cooked (and/or chopped, soaked, blended) because those processes break down plant and animal cells, increasing their bioavailability.

When eating raw starchy foods (like sweet potatoes), we absorb very few of the calories. After cooking, however, the starches are much more available to us, tripling the number of calories absorbed.

Interestingly, allowing starchy foods to then cool before eating them decreases the amount of calories we can extract from them again. (This is mostly due to the formation of resistant starches).

Finally:

We may absorb more or less energy depending on the types of bacteria in our gut.

Some people have larger populations of a Bacteroidetes (a species of bacteria), which are better at extracting calories from tough plant cell walls than other bacteria species.

Here’s an interesting example of this whole process at work. Recently, USDA researchers asked test subjects to consume 45 grams (about 1 ½ servings) of walnuts daily for three weeks.

What they found was that, on average, people only absorbed 146 of the 185 calories in the nuts. That’s 79 percent of the calorie content on the label.

In similar research, people also absorbed only 80 percent of the calories in almonds, and 95 percent of the calories in pistachios.

Beyond the average, there were individual differences: Some people absorbed more of the energy in the nuts, while some absorbed less (likely due to the differing populations of bacteria in their large intestines).

In the end, by eating a diet rich in whole, minimally processed foods, the number of calories you absorb can be significantly less than what you expect. Plus they require more calories to digest.

Conversely, you will absorb more calories by eating lots of highly processed foods, plus burn fewer calories in the digestive process. (In addition, highly processed foods are less filling, more energy dense, and more likely to cause overeating.)

Since the number of calories someone thinks they’re consuming could be off by 25 percent (or more), their carefully curated daily intake of 1,600 calories could really be 1,200… or 2,000.

This means: As you can see, there’s a big margin of error for energy input, even if you’re a conscientious calorie counter. This doesn’t invalidate the Energy Balance Equation. It just means that if you want an accurate calculation, you probably have to live in a fancy metabolic lab.

For most people, it’s not worth the effort (that’s why Precision Nutrition moved to a hand-based measuring model for portions).

‘Energy out’ varies a lot from person to person.

‘Energy out’ — again, energy burned through daily metabolism and moving you around —  is a dynamic, always-changing variable.

There are four key parts to this complex system:

1. Resting metabolic rate (RMR)

RMR is the number of calories you burn each day at rest, just to breathe, think, and live. This represents roughly 60 percent of your ‘energy out’ and depends on weight, body composition, sex, age, genetic predisposition, and possibly (again) the bacterial population of your gut.

A bigger body, in general, has a higher RMR.

For instance:

A 150-pound man might have an RMR of 1583 calories a day.

A 200-pound man might have an RMR of 1905 calories.

A 250-pound man might have an RMR of 2164 calories.

Crucially, RMR varies up to 15 percent from person to person. If you’re that 200-pound guy with an RMR of 1905 calories, another guy just like you on the next treadmill might burn 286 more (or fewer) calories each day with no more (or less) effort.

2. Thermic effect of eating (TEE)

This may surprise you, but it takes energy to digest food. Digestion is an active metabolic process. (Ever had the “meat sweats” or felt hot after a big meal, especially one with lots of protein? That’s TEE.)

TEE is the number of calories you burn by eating, digesting, and processing your food. This represents roughly 5-10 percent of your ‘energy out’.

In general, you’ll burn more calories in your effort to digest and absorb protein (20-30 percent of its calories) and carbs (5-6 percent) than you do fats (3 percent).

And as noted before, you’ll burn more calories digesting minimally processed whole foods compared to highly processed foods.

3. Physical activity (PA)

PA is the calories you burn from purposeful exercise, such as walking, running, going to the gym, gardening, riding a bike, etc.

Obviously, how much energy you expend through PA will change depending on how much you intentionally move around.

4. Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT)

NEAT is the calories you burn through fidgeting, staying upright, and all other physical activities except purposeful exercise. This, too, varies from person to person and day to day.

This means: Each of these is highly variable. Which means the ‘energy out’ side of the equation may be just as hard to pin down as the “energy in” side.

So, while the Energy Balance Equation sounds simple in principle, all these variables make it hard to know or control exactly how much energy you’re taking in, absorbing, burning, and storing.

Here’s the entire equation:

When you try to outsmart your body and it outsmarts you back.

Even if all the variables in the final equation above were static, the Energy Balance Equation would be complicated enough. But things get crazy when you consider that altering any one of the variables causes adjustments in other, seemingly unrelated variables.

This is a good thing, of course. Our human metabolisms evolved to keep us alive and functioning when food was scarce. One consequence:

When ‘energy in’ goes down, ‘energy out’ goes down to match it. (You burn fewer calories in response to eating less).

Not in everybody. And not perfectly. But that’s how the system is supposed to work. That’s how our bodies avoid unwanted weight loss and starvation. It’s how humans have survived for 2 million years. The body fights to maintain homeostasis.

Likewise, when ‘energy in’ goes up, ‘energy out’ tends to go up too. (You burn more calories in response to eating more).

To illustrate this point, here’s how your body tries to keep your weight steady when you take in less energy and start to lose weight*.

Thermic effect of eating goes down because you’re eating less.

Resting metabolic rate goes down because you weigh less.

Calories burned through Physical activity go down since you weigh less.

Non-exercise activity thermogenesis goes down as you eat less.

Calories not absorbed goes down and you absorb more of what you eat.

*This response is particularly modest at first. But the adaptation really ramps up as you lose more weight. (Or if you’re starting out lean and trying to get super-lean).

Check out what this looks like:  In addition to these tangible effects on the equation, reducing actual calories eaten also causes hunger signals to increase, causing us to crave (and maybe eat) more.

The net effect leads to a much lower rate of weight loss than you might expect. In some cases, it could even lead to weight re-gain.

To add insult to injury, a rise in cortisol from the stress of dieting can cause our bodies to hold onto more water, making us feel “softer” and “less lean” than we actually are.

Interestingly, this is just one example of the amazing and robust response to trying to manipulate one variable (in this case, actual calories eaten). There are similar responses when trying to manipulate each of the other variables in the equation.

For example, research suggests that increasing physical activity above a certain threshold (by exercising more) can trigger:

Increased appetite and more actual calories eaten

Decreased calories not absorbed as we absorb more of what we eat

Decreased RMR

Decreased NEAT

In this case, here’s what the equation would look like: In the end, these are just two of the many examples we could share. The point is that metabolism is much more complicated (and interdependent) than most people realize.

Therefore, trying “what used to work” for you, or relying on calorie counting, often won’t get you the results you want. As your energy balance evolves, so must your strategies for losing fat or maintaining your weight.

Understanding energy balance means setting better expectations about body change.

It’s important to note that if you have lots of body fat to lose, many of these adaptations (i.e. lowered RMR, PA, NEAT, etc) don’t happen right away. But, as you become leaner, this “adaptive thermogenesis” kicks in.

It’s also important to know that how your metabolism reacts to changes in energy balance will be unique to you.

How much you can lose or gain will depend on your age, your genetic makeup, your biological sex, if you’ve had relatively more or less body fat and for how long, what medications you’re taking, the makeup of your microbiome… and probably a whole lot of factors we don’t even know about yet.

But let’s try to simulate how this could work.

Scientists at the National Institutes of Health have studied the data from people who have lost weight, and created a mathematical model that represents how weight and fat loss actually happens in the real world.

We can play with it, using the Precision Nutrition Weight Loss Calculator.

Let’s start with a 40-year-old male, with a starting weight of 235 lbs and a height of 5’10”. We’ll call him Frank.

Frank works a desk job, and is only lightly active outside of work. This calculates that he needs 2,976 calories of energy per day to maintain his current weight.

By knocking off 500 calories per day, his intake drops to 2,476 calories daily. And he doesn’t plan on changing his physical activity.

Now, you’ve probably heard somewhere that a pound is equivalent to 3,500 calories, which means that if we take away those 500 calories from Frank every day, he should lose 1 pound per week (500 x 7 days = 3500 calories).

He should end up at 183 lbs after one year of consistently eating 500 fewer calories every day. (According to this math, then, he would weigh 0 lbs within 5 years, which should raise some red flags.)

But we know it doesn’t exactly work this way in real life.

At the end of a year, Frank gets on the scale. He’s 205 lbs.

What the hell?

That’s 22 pounds more than I should be!

Frank rages to his wife Maria, who smiles knowingly. She’s 40 too, and has been trying to lose weight since having two kids in her mid-30s.

Tell me about it, she says. I’ve lost and gained the same 10 pounds over and over, even though I’ve been exercising and eating pretty healthy.

Then they both think:

Maybe I should try that juice cleanse after all. My body is obviously broken.

Nope, nobody is broken. Don’t hit that juice cleanse just yet.

Instead, Frank and Maria could both benefit from a clear understanding of how weight loss actually works. Then they can set appropriate behavior goals, and have realistic expectations for their progress.

(Postscript: Frank and Maria decide against the juice fast and enroll in Precision Nutrition Coaching. At the end of a year, Maria’s “only” lost a total of 7 lbs, but has gained 5 lbs of muscle [which means she’s lost 12 lbs of fat]. Her firm arms and glowing skin are the envy of the other moms. Frank is down to a fit 185 lbs and trying to figure out how to convince Maria that he should buy a mountain bike.)

So, does dieting damage the metabolism?

Despite what you may have heard:

No, losing weight doesn’t “damage” your metabolism.

But because of the adaptations your body undergoes in response to fat loss (to prevent that fat loss, in fact), ‘energy out’ for those who have lost significant weight will always be lower than for people who were always lean.

Rather:

Losing weight, and keeping it off, is accompanied by adaptive metabolic, neuroendocrine, autonomic, and other changes.

These changes mean that we expend less energy — around 5-10 percent less (or up to 15 percent less at extreme levels) than what would be predicted based on just weighing less.

Unfortunately, because of this adaptive response, someone who has dieted down will often require 5-15 percent fewer calories per day to maintain the weight and physical activity level than someone who has always been that weight.

(Or even less, potentially, because as we learned in the very beginning, the RMR of people of the exact same age/weight/etc. can still vary by up to another 15 percent.)

This means someone who was never overweight might need 2,500 calories to maintain their weight, while someone who had to diet down to that weight may need only 2,125-2,375 calories to hold steady.

We don’t know how long this lowered energy expenditure lasts. Studies have shown that it can hang around for up to 7 years after weight loss (or more; 7 years is as far as it’s been studied). This likely means it’s permanent, or at least persistent.

This is extra relevant for people who have repeatedly dieted, or for fitness competitors who may repeatedly fluctuate between being extremely lean and being overweight in the off-season.

I don’t have data to back this up (to my knowledge no one has studied it), but adaptive thermogenesis seems to react more strongly or more rapidly with each successive yo-yo of extreme body fat fluctuations.

All of this explains why some people can feel like they’ve “damaged” their metabolism through repeated dieting. (And why some experts suggest “metabolic damage” is a real thing.)

But nothing really has been “damaged”.

Instead, their bodies have just become predictably more sensitive to various hormones and neurotransmitters. Their metabolic rates are understandably lower than predicted by various laboratory equations.

So, where does this leave us?

Even folks whose bodies resist fat loss or muscle gain can accomplish these goals.

All physiological changes — including weight loss or gain, fat loss or gain, and muscle loss or gain — require different efforts and amounts of time for different people.

But even if your body does resist weight loss, you can still lose fat, gain muscle, and dramatically change your body.

Our Precision Nutrition Coaching men’s and women’s Finalist Halls of Fame are clear evidence of that.

What to do next: Some tips from Precision Nutrition.

The physiology of weight loss is complicated, but the best strategies for losing fat and keeping it off don’t have to be.

1. Eat plenty of protein.

Protein is essential when trying to losing weight / fat for a few reasons.

Protein helps you keep that all-important lean body mass (which includes connective tissues, organs, and bone as well as muscle).

Protein significantly increases satiety, which means you feel fuller despite eating less. (And eating more protein often causes people to eat less overall.)

Just by eating more protein you burn more calories, because of the increased thermic effect of eating.

For example, if you’re eating 2,500 calories daily, 15 percent from protein, 50 percent from carbs, and 35 percent from fats (roughly average for US adults), you’re burning approximately 185 calories per day through digestion.

Maintain your total calorie intake but increase protein to 30 percent, drop carbs to 40 percent, and whittle fat to 30 percent, and your TEE goes up to roughly 265 calories per day.

For most active men: 6-8 palm-sized servings of protein per day.

For most active women: 4-6 palm-sized servings per day.

For a complete guide to using your hand to measure portions, check out our Calorie Control Guide infographic.

2. Eat a wide variety of fruits, vegetables, quality carbs, and healthy fats.

Vegetables are loaded with vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients, water, and fiber to help you fill up during meals, stay full between meals, keep you healthy, and recover from your workouts.

We recommend 6-8 fist-sized servings per day for most active men.

And 4-6 fist-sized servings per day for most active women.

The carbs will fuel training, boost leptin (a super important hormone), keep up sex hormones, and prevent feelings of deprivation.

And the fats also keep up sex hormones, boost the immune system, suppress excess inflammation, and make food taste really good.

For most active men, this would be 6-8 handfuls of quality carbs, and 6-8 thumbs of healthy fats per day.

For most active women, 4-6 handfuls of quality carbs and 4-6 thumbs of healthy fats per day.

For a complete guide to using your hand to measure portions, check out our Calorie Control Guide infographic.

3. Adjust your intake as you plateau, or to prevent plateaus.

As your weight loss progresses, you will need to lower your calorie intake further to continue to progress, as your smaller body will burn fewer calories, and your body is adapting to your diet.

Be ready, willing, and able to adjust portion amounts by removing 1-2 handfuls of carbs and/or 1-2 thumbs of fats from your daily intake. Then reassess and continue to adjust as needed.

However, one study found that weight loss plateaus have less to do with metabolic adaptations and more to do with “an intermittent lack of diet adherence”. In other words, not actually sticking to a nutrition plan consistently.

Research shows that we usually think we’re eating less and exercising more than we truly are. So do an objective review of your actual energy in and out before assuming your body is blocking your efforts.

4. Understand that this is complex.

So many things influence what, why, and when we choose to eat.

Too often, eating and body size / fatness are blamed on lack of knowledge, lack of willpower/discipline, or laziness. In reality, food intake and body composition are governed by a mix of physiological, biological, psychological, social, economical, and lifestyle influences, along with individual knowledge or beliefs.

One of the simplest ways to make your decision processes easier is to create an environment that encourages good food choices and discourages poor ones. This can mean making changes to your daily routine, who you spend time with, where you spend time, and what food is readily available to you.

But remember that weight loss can and should be relatively slow, so aim to lose about 0.5-1 percent of your body weight per week.

This helps to maintain muscle mass and minimize the adaptive metabolic responses to a lower calorie intake and resulting weight loss. Faster weight loss tends to result in more muscle loss without extra fat loss, as well as a larger adaptive response.

5. Cycle calories and carbs.*

For folks who are trying to get quite lean, at some point you can’t just rely on linear dieting to get you there. By strategically cycling calories and carbs, you can help to limit how much the metabolism-regulating hormone leptin drops (or temporarily boost it back up) – attenuating the adaptive and hunger response.

*Note: This is a higher-level strategy for fitness competitors and elite athletes who need to get very lean (i.e. ~6-9 percent body fat for men, and ~16-19 percent for women). It’s not something for the average person.

6. Refeed periodically.**

When getting to extreme levels of leanness, even strategic calorie and carb cycling might not be enough. So take out the big guns, and employ some periodic re-feeds to temporarily boost leptin and insulin and keep fat loss going.

**Note: This is a higher-level strategy for fitness competitors and elite athletes who need to get very lean (i.e. <6 percent body fat for men, and <16 percent for women).

7. Do a mixture of resistance, cardiovascular, and recovery activity.

Resistance training helps you maintain vital muscle mass, burn calories, and improve glucose tolerance. Cardiovascular exercise improves the health of your cardiovascular system, helps you expend energy, and can improve recovery.

But don’t overdo either one.

Recovery work (e.g. foam rolling, walking, yoga) helps you maintain consistency and intensity with resistance and cardio training, making them more effective. And it helps to decrease stress (lowering cortisol), which also helps you lose body fat and keep it off.

Aim for 3-5 hours per week of purposeful activity.

8. Find ways to increase NEAT.

Even small increases in activity can account for hundreds of daily calories, and therefore make a big difference in fat loss efforts.

Some ideas: Get a stand-up desk or a treadmill desk; fidget; pace while on the phone; take the stairs; park your car farther away from where you’re going.

9. Develop a solid nightly sleep routine and manage your stress.

Sleep is just as important to your success as nutrition and activity levels. Don’t pretend that you can get by with less. It simply isn’t true.

Often, when people lower their stress, they lose a lot of body water. Then they also notice that they may have lost fat too. (Plus, they may discover that chronic inflammation goes down — another win.)

This includes mental and emotional stress. Research on cognitive dietary restraint (i.e. worrying and stressing out about food) shows that constantly and negatively fixating on what you eat (or don’t) can have the same unhealthy effect as actually dieting stringently.

Yet we need some stress to actually help with progress and growth, so find your stress sweet spot.

10. Have some self-compassion.

There are going to be meals or days where you don’t eat as you “should”. It’s OK. It happens to everyone. Recognize it, accept it, forgive yourself, and then get back on track.

Research actually shows that self-compassion and flexible eating is associated with lower BMI and a healthier body weight, lower self-reported calorie intake, less anxiety and stress, and a better relationship with food.

Want help nailing your nutrition for good?

Most people know what healthy food and portions look like. Yet they need help applying that knowledge and breaking free of old habits in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.

That’s why we work closely with Precision Nutrition Coaching clients to help them lose fat, get stronger, and improve their health… no matter how or why they’ve “failed” in the past.

It’s also why we work with health and fitness pros (through our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs) to teach them how to coach their own clients through the same challenges.

Interested in Precision Nutrition Coaching? Join the presale list; you’ll save up to 54% and secure a spot 24 hours early.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Coaching on .

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition we like to reward the most interested and motivated people because they always make the best clients. Join the presale list and you’ll save up to 54% off the general public price, which is the lowest price we’ve ever offered.

You’re more likely to get a spot. To give clients the personal care and attention they deserve, we only open up the program twice a year. Last time we opened registration, we sold out within minutes. By joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to change your body, and your life, with help from the world’s best coaches, this is your chance.

[Note: If your health and fitness are already sorted out, but you’re interested in helping others, check out our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program].

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[sarahburness]

How to Unlock Fat Burning Mode: The Ultimate Guide to Losing Weight

I was always an obese dude….

The type that couldn’t fit into any clothes comfortably and started to sweat after walking 10 steps.

Now, this always sucked and it’s something I suffered from since I was a kid. I didn’t know what to do, so I continued to live this way for the first 24 years of my life.

I think I was actually starting to get comfortable with this odd figure. But then, I entered the professional workforce and things started to change very quickly.

I immediately realized how important it was to be in shape and not because of health or anything like that. It was because overweight people were treated differently.

I’d heard studies of this in college, about how overweight people were less likely to be hired because they were viewed as lazy. It’s something I always laughed about and never took seriously…

Until I started to witness these observations first hand.

I can’t say that didn’t suck but I’m honestly glad it happened.

Not because I like being viewed as lazy, but because it forced me to start my journey of losing weight and helping hundreds of others along the way.

The Start of My Journey

I knew I had a lot of work to do all around, but I first started with my diet.

I grew up not really knowing what “healthy” food was, but I knew enough to realize that it wasn’t Taco Bell and Mountain Dew.

So, I started searching around for healthy diets and finally settled on one that followed the traditional “low calorie” approach.

I liked this diet because I knew low-calorie diets were the best way to lose weight and this diet was also pretty flexible.

It told me certain foods to stay away from and as long as I stayed under my calorie limit, I’d be good to go.

After that, I took a test that they’d created, telling me how much to eat based on weight and goal. Then, I went to the grocery store right after.

I immediately stocked up on fruits and veggies, along with a bunch of Weight Watcher’s Meals that would serve as my breakfast, lunch and dinner.

See Also: Five Incredibly Easy ways to Add Sprouts to your Diet

I figured this was the best selection for me as the meals tasted pretty good and they’d help me keep my portions in check.

So, I started on this diet the next day. I set a deadline of 30 days before I was going to weigh myself. I don’t know the exact reason why I picked 30 days, but I knew that weighing yourself everyday would do more harm than good.

During the first 2 weeks, things weren’t really that bad. They were kinda nice actually.

I immediately realized an uptick in energy and started to lose some pounds around the midsection.

I was excited and wanted to weigh myself everyday, but I stuck to the plan and continued to stay away from the scale. However, days 15 to 21 hit and I noticed a huge shift in my mood and willpower.

I had really lost all my energy and I was absolutely hangry.

At first, I thought this was just a normal “correction” as I’d been making changes to my body, but the symptoms kept getting worse and worse.

I tried my best to plow through them and hit day 30, but I was noticing a significant decrease in my work. So, on day 25, I finally caved in and went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch.

Now, I’ve always been a fan of BDUBs, but I’ve never eaten as much as I did on that day.

I completely destroyed a large serving of boneless wings and then had some chips and queso to top it off.

Needless to say, I was absolutely miserable the rest of the day. However, as sad as it sounds, it was still better than being “hangry”.

Then I “Yo-yo’ed”.

Even though I’d had a very large cheat meal during that day, I still wanted to go home and see if I’d made any progress over the last 3 weeks.

Right when I got home, I jumped on the scale and to my surprise, I’d actually lost 11 pounds!

Now, that felt amazing. I’d never been able to really lose weight before and you’d think that would be enough to keep me going. But, like many other “yo-yo’ers”, I told myself I’d jump back on the diet soon. I just wanted to recollect my thoughts before going at it again.

So, I continued to eat “normal” for the next 4 weeks and after that, I was ready to jump back on my diet kick.

I decided to weigh myself on a Sunday before I was going to start. To my surprise, I’ had gained all my weight back…plus 10 lbs!

I couldn’t believe it. I was actually eating a little better than I had in the past so I figured I’d stay a few pounds under my normal weight. Instead, I reached an all-time high.

This was extremely depressing and I thought this was just a “me” problem.

I figured that my slow metabolism was out to get me and that I’d never been able to lose weight. Then, I started to dig into this problem and realized many others were having similar difficulties.

The most publicized examples were actually “The Biggest Loser” contestants. During my research, I came across a lot of articles where they were losing weight during the show. Then, months after the show was over, they were gaining it back and then some!

Now, this obviously intrigued me as I was having similar issues. That’s when I discovered the concept of “ghrelin’ and “fat burning mode”.

We’ll talk about these two concepts throughout the rest of this article, but as a quick overview:

Ghrelin is known as the “hunger hormone” because it helps control your appetite. This obviously has a lot of importance with dieting and can be a good thing. However, when you use the typical “low calorie” diets that are being preached today, then it does the exact opposite.

Why?

Because this style of dieting doesn’t lower your ghrelin levels, meaning you have the same appetite as you did when you started losing weight.

Now, that’s bad enough. But, on top of this, your metabolism actually decreases when you start to lose weight.

There are some fancy words for why this happens, but in short, it decreases because you’re smaller and don’t need as much energy….

And that means you have the same appetite but with a slower metabolism, a dynamic duo that essentially guarantees weight gain, whether that be in 1 month or 1 year.

This was an important discovery for me when I came across the concept of fat burning mode. These two are what really helped me kick-start my journey.

What Is Fat Burning Mode?

So, like with everything medical, there’s a lot of geeky terms that go into it. But, in the simplest form:

Our body has two different sources of energy- ketones and glucose.

Ketones are produced when fat is burned and glucose is produced when carbs are burned.

Since we have 2 different sources of energy we can burn, that also means we have 2 different “modes” that we operate in- glycogen burning mode (glucose) and fat burning mode (ketones).

Now, to be 100% accurate, we are technically always in both modes at the same time, but there’s always a primary mode and a secondary mode.

The secondary mode always uses minimal fuel, almost to the point of non-existence. From what I understand, we keep this secondary source alive just so our body knows that the backup source is still available.

Okay, that’s easy enough. But, how do we determine which one is primary and which one is secondary?

That’s actually the easy part of the formula. Glycogen burning mode always trumps fat burning mode.

It’s not because it’s a better source of fuel or anything like that, but because our body has to regulate glucose very closely.

Why?

Because glucose is sugar and our blood can only handle so much sugar at one time. Once our blood sugar hits the limit (which doesn’t take much), then insulin has to kick in and start removing sugar from the bloodstream.

Now, this is a good thing but that only leaves so much energy left in our system. That’s why we’re supposed to keep eating small meals while in glycogen burning mode.

Makes sense? Alright, here’s the true kicker.

Guess what happens with the excess sugar after insulin removes it from the bloodstream?

That’s right. It gets converted into stored energy- a.k.a body fat.

Now, that’s bad enough and shows how easy it is to gain body fat. Here’s where things get worse.

The typical western diet is full of carbs and that means we’ve pretty much been stuck in glycogen-burning mode our entire lives.

See Also: 5 Science-Proven Health Benefits of Low Carb Diet

This is also why people work countless hours to deplete the glycogen in their body and start burning fat or, even worse, starving themselves while doing so.

And to show you the full cycle, that means it’s extremely easy to gain body fat but then you have to work your tail off just to access this stored energy.

Starting to see the problem here?

Alright, so I know that sounds depressing, but here’s the good news.

I’m a minimalist and I wanted to find ways to enter fat burning mode without living in the gym, starving myself or losing muscle along the way.

After years of research, along with the help of some unconventional doctors, I finally found that way.

And in the remainder of this article, I’m going to show you how you can benefit from this research as well:

How to Enter Fat Burning Mode Without Living In the Gym Or Starving Yourself

Step 1: Drink Exogenous Ketones

I actually came across this concept in my earlier days of researching the two different energy burning modes. Through that research, I kept seeing the phrase “exogenous ketones”.

At first, I thought the word sounded extremely fancy and it was some complex subject. However, as I soon learned, I realized that it’s really just a way of saying ketone supplements.

Anyway, when I was doing this research, I came across a story of an individual who started drinking these ketones and began to notice a great reduction in belly fat within a month after she started.

Now, she liked the results. However, she was drinking the ketones for energy and wasn’t quite sure why this was happening. So, she went to the doctor to make sure everything was okay.

It took her a few weeks to find a doctor that actually understood this subject. Once she finally did, he explained to her that by drinking these ketones, she was telling her body to burn fat.

Now, this makes sense as ketones are the source of energy that’s created by fat burn. To be honest, I was a little skeptical to think it was this easy.

So, I decided to test it out and sure enough, within 4 weeks, I had lost 7 pounds- without doing anything different!

Now, that felt great and I’ll show you how to further amplify these results in the next steps. First, you need to make sure you enter fat-burning mode by drinking ketones, so here’s what I advise:

Buy exogenous ketones. I personally recommend KetoCaNa by Ketosports. Those are good enough by themselves but if you really want to crank it up, buy MCT Oil Powder by Quest Nutrition along with it. This works well as KetoCaNa is exogenous ketones and MCT Oil creates ketones once it hits your liver. So, you’re pretty much getting a military grade dosage when you do this. Helpful hint: might be best to start with just KetoCaNa before moving to the full 1-2 punch.

Make a ketone shake every morning with a blender bottle full of water along with your preferred ketone source and drink it. I personally use 2 scoops of MCT Oil along with one scoop of KetoCaNa. But, again, it’s going to differ by person.

Try not to eat breakfast as this ketone shake will be more than enough to get you going.

Via beautynutrition

And that’s it. That’s all you need to enter fat-burning mode.

This trick can work for anybody. However, if you’re diabetic, please consult with your doctor before trying anything out. Insulin sensitivity or restriction can do some funny things with glucose and I want to make sure your body is able to handle both modes before you try it out.

Step 2: Keep Carb Intake Under 20g Per Day

Now that we’ve entered fat burning, it’s important to keep this going.

Technically, you would lose some fat if you just drank a ketone shake every morning and waited to eat until lunch time. But, since we’re already getting into fat burning mode, why not keep it going. And on top of that, the process really isn’t that complex.

As I mentioned earlier, carbs create glucose and that’ll put you into glycogen burning mode. So, the only way to get around that and stay in fat burning mode is by keeping your carb intake low.

Now, everybody is a little different and there’s really not a one-size-fits-all answer, but the one route that does work for everybody is keeping your carbs under 20g per day.

So, why does this differ for everybody then?

Well, because the only time your body turns back into glycogen burning mode is when glucose hits your liver. Some of the glucose that you consume is used up by your muscles, so that’s really where most of the flexibility comes in.

In other words, if you just finished a serious workout and used all the glycogen in your muscles, then you could probably afford a little more than 20g and still stay in fat burning mode.

If you don’t eat carbs, that’s fine, too. Your body can create glucose out of protein. I’m just letting you know why you can have some carbs and still stay in fat burn.

The last thing I wanted to point out is that when I mention 20g of carbs, I mean in general- not any of that “net carb” stuff.

If you’re not familiar with “net carbs”, a lot of people will use the formula of total carbs – fiber= net carbs to determine their daily carb intake.

The logic behind this is that fiber doesn’t turn into glucose and shouldn’t be included as a carb. To some extent, I do agree, but I’ve also seen a lot of people get kicked out of fat burning mode by eating too many carbs in general.

I’ve done a lot of research on this and I can’t really find an exact answer. But, from what I’ve gathered, excess amounts of fiber can turn into glucose.

Again, don’t quote me on that, but I’ve seen what it does so I know it’s important to stay careful with it.

Alright, so since we’re restricting carbs, then what types should you eat?

I always recommend green and leafy vegetables, like broccoli.

It’s important to consume these types of carbs as they’re full of nutrients (like fiber) and they don’t turn into glucose that fast, giving you even more leeway on your total intake.

And that’s really everything you need to know about staying in fat-burning mode, well from a carb standpoint. We’ll cover the rest in the next section.

As a quick recap:

Keep your daily carb intake under 20g (to start).

Try and spread carbs throughout your day/meals. Try not to eat all of your daily carbs at once, but if you’re starting at 20g, you’re probably fine either way.

Get your carbs from healthy sources like leafy vegetables or avocados.

That’s how you stay in fat burning mode. I know it doesn’t sound fun, but once you start to feel the effects and see the results, staying away from carbs gets pretty easy.

On top of that, you don’t have to starve yourself either, you just have to…

Eat A Lot of Dietary Fat (High Fat, Moderate Protein, Low Carb Diet)

Now that we’ve entered fat burning mode and learned how to stay out of glycogen burning mode, it’s time to take care of everything else.

And by everything else, I guess I should just say ghrelin.

Remember that hunger hormone that I talked about earlier? The one that forces everybody to yo-yo diet?

Yeah, that’s never going to go away and if we don’t control it, we’re at an uphill battle.

That’s where this next step comes into play. It’s highly important to not starve yourself and, instead, eat a high fat/moderate protein/low carb diet.

Why exactly does this diet work so well? Let’s break it down into sections, starting with fat.

High Fat

The first thing I like to mention with fat is that it absolutely has nothing to do with making you fat.

Well, I guess if you ate an absurd amount of it, like to the point of vomiting, then maybe. But, as we discussed earlier, body fat is nothing more than stored energy.

And since it’s stored energy, then there’s no reason why we should believe fat is what causes fat (unless you eat excess amounts).

On the other hand, remember when we talked about how glucose is quickly converted into body fat? And not because it was a lot of calories, but because our body can only handle so much sugar in the blood at one time?

Yeah, that’s also the reason why it’s so easy to gain weight while in glycogen-burning mode. You could easily eat 3 big meals and gain some extra body fat with every meal.

Fat, on the other hand, lasts a lot longer and really doesn’t create any metabolic issues. This is why you’ll hear a lot of people eat a high-fat diet while they’re intermittent fasting, because the sustained energy can last them all day.

In other words, don’t worry about the constant small meals that you’re supposed to eat while in glycogen-burning mode.

Then, in addition to this, fat also helps control ghrelin.

This is helpful for curbing your hunger, but it’s also helpful as it lowers your ghrelin levels as you lose weight. This means you won’t run into the high appetite and slow metabolism problem that most yo-yo dieters incur.

So, how much fat should you eat then?

I’ll give you ratios in a second, but from a practical standpoint, just eat fatty foods until you’re full. Don’t worry about counting calories, weighing out food or any of that junk- there’s no need to do that with high-fat meals.

Why?

Because the body is really good about self-regulation when in fat burning mode and it’ll let you know if you need food or not.

At the same time, I realized ratios are easier to follow in the beginning. We’ll get there soon, but, first, I wanted to cover exactly what “fat” is.

I do this because when most people hear fat, they instantly think of snickers and candy-things that make us fat.

When I say fat, I mean healthy fats, like:

Grass-fed beef (any beef is okay, but grass-fed is always better) Fatty fish (sardines, salmon, etc.) Pork (pork chops, pulled pork, even bacon) Butter (just make sure it’s real butter) Full-fat sour cream Full-fat cheese Avocados Eggs Pepperonis Cream cheese Coconut oil Olive Oil Avocado Oil Walnuts Etc…

In all honesty, the only fats you really need to stay away from is trans fat and “seed oils”.

I think most people are aware that they need to stay away from trans fat, but here’s the problem…

Food companies are able to hide the fact that their food contains trans fat by titling it “hydrogenated oils” which is the exact same thing.

A Big Fat Recap:

If you’re counting calories, try and make sure 75% of your calories are from fat.

Make sure you’re eating healthy fats.

Avoid trans fats or “hydrogenated oils”.

Avoid seed oils like vegetable oil, sunflower oil and canola oil as these oils are highly inflammatory and not good for you.

Protein

We’ve talked a lot about carbs and fat, but we haven’t mentioned protein yet.

And that doesn’t mean protein isn’t important. That just means it’s a little more flexible than the other two.

Before jumping into the specifics of protein, it’s important to remember that protein’s main function is for muscle repair and growth, not energy.

This is also why bodybuilders love it so much and the exact reason why it’s been so severely misunderstood over the recent years.

Now, people think they can just eat protein all day and make muscle, when that’s simply not the case. Muscle has to be created from somewhere (i.e. breaking down muscle from lifting and repairing it with protein), so please keep that in mind.

The second thing I want to point out is that when you consume too much protein (i.e. more than your muscles need), then the excess protein will turn into glucose through a process called gluconeogenesis.

Now, this is also a highly debated issue. Some health bloggers make it sound like one bit of chicken creates glucose in the blood while other bloggers offset this by saying 100% protein will keep you in fat burning mode.

And I’m here to tell you they’re both wrong. I’ve tested both analogies and both strategies have kicked me out of fat burning mode.

Here’s how you can cut through the noise and avoid this.

Protein is important and something you should consume. Unless you’re lifting every day, then you probably don’t need to eat 300g of it.

Like everything else, the amount will vary by person. As a 6 ft, 175-pound male, I try and stay under 100g per day.

With all that said, from a practical standpoint, if you can eat at least 1 gram of fat for every gram of protein, then you’re probably okay.

I know this can be hard at times, especially when you’re eating a lot of meat-heavy meals. So, to offset that, I’ll usually melt a bunch of butter and dip each bite of meat into it- problem solved!

Protein Recap:

Try and consume 20-25% of your calories from protein.

Too much protein can be a bad thing, but it takes a lot to get there.

Just try and eat at least 1 gram of fat for every gram of protein, and you should be okay.

Protein is important, but not the saving grace that many think it is.

Carbs

We’ve already talked about this subject and I don’t have too much more to add. But, there are some other things I wanted to relay for the purposes of clarity.

As we discussed earlier, we can only convert back to glycogen-burning mode after glucose hits the liver. That can only happen when the muscles don’t use all the glucose that you’ve put into your body.

In other words, if you eat some extra carbs right after lifting heavy weights, then you’ll probably be okay as the muscles will soak it up.

On the other hand, as we discussed with protein, your body can also make glucose with protein so you really don’t need to eat carbs. That’s why there’s no such thing as an essential carb.

But, if you are going to still eat carbs, just try and eat them from healthy sources, like berries and veggies.

These foods will help provide other nutrients and be helpful overall. Just make sure you’re careful with how much you eat. Some foods, like apples, can add up in a hurry!

Carb Recap:

Try and stay under 20g of carbs each day.

Try and get your carbs from healthy sources.

You really don’t need carbs, just up protein if you don’t.

These amounts will vary by person and how active you are.

Feel the burn…

And that is your complete guide to burning fat.

If you follow these simple steps and stick with it for a few months, I absolutely guarantee you’ll love your results and keep going.

As with any hard changes in your diet, it might feel weird at first. But, with the help of everything I’ve put in this guide about the best way to lose weight, I have no doubt that it’ll help you progress with your weight loss goals.

The post How to Unlock Fat Burning Mode: The Ultimate Guide to Losing Weight appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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