#and now we have to face the consequences of losing what little human rights we had left

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Seele (Honkai: Star Rail). Listen, I used to write her and I miss her a bit, and also: there's Belobog people around. And also, well, she's much more interesting than people give her credit for. Also, prepare for some 'rewriting', because Belobog's pacing in specific ways kind of blew a little bit much.

[catcatb0y]

Auuughhh I won't go on a rant, but literally just hearing a family member- WHOM I HAVE ACTIVELY TALKED SHIT ABOUT TRUMP TO AND THEY AGREED- casually profess that someone in the family is cutting them off because they voted for Trump...

It just brings back all of the feelings I've had about this election.

I'm pissed off that they care so little about the future of human rights. I'm pissed off that I felt bad about distancing myself from them. I'm pissed off that the majority of the Republican Party has the dicipline and dedication to vote for someone they dislike, A CONVICTED FELON WHO SMUGGLED OUT GOVERNMENT SECRETS, and yet all the left can do is share the Suicide Hotline and say "Remember to donate to these other causes." Some of whom voted, others who professed they were 'staying out of it'.

I'd rather there be a second, useless capital raid than live with the fact that millions of people did nothing to contribute to the crumbling of American democracy. That millions of people actively participated in its slow demise.

I feel stupid for watching half a dozen other countries valliantly kicking out their shit ass right wing parties and yet America put a convicted felon on its highest seat. A man who attempted treason and smuggled out classified documents.

I feel so overwhelmingly pissed off right now.

[aajjks]

Irreplaceable. (m)

synopsis. He was irreplaceable. You should’ve known that.

warnings. YÄNDÊRÊ CÖNTĚNT, mêntïöns öf kïdnäppïng, ëxtrëmë pösëssïvěnẽss, tǒxïc!göjö, nöncön kïss, prǒfanïty.

note. JJK fans this one’s for you. SEND ASKS AND PLEASE SHARE FEEDBACK ENJOY!

Gojo Saturo, cannot stand you moving on from him.

It makes him want to kill everyone that’s around him, it makes his head fucking explode, he didn’t want to break up

He didn’t want to be away from you, he didn’t want to lose you, but yet he did. He lost you. It was really his fault.

But how could you?

How could you even try to replace him?

Are you that stupid? He understood what a break meant, he was willing to give you a break, he was willing to work on himself. He was willing to do everything, but yet you had to ruin it all.

This was your doing

This wasn’t his fault. You made him do this.

You knew what kind of a man he was, Saturo was a jealous man, extremely possessive and territorial. Did you want to test his patience or were you just trying to make him suffer?

It did work though.

But he wasn’t the only one that suffered the consequences.

It was your current boyfriend too.

What a weak little man, he didn’t even come close to Gojo, your ex didn’t know that you had such bad taste in men. Looking at him almost made. Saturo laugh his ass off.

What a downgrade.

It was really easy though, Saturo didn’t even had to try hard to get rid of him, permanently.

And now he was gone.

And now Gojo is sitting here, hawking at you like a creep, well, you sleep peacefully in his bed, yeah, he kidnapped you.

He was an impulsive man. That was one of his many toxic traits.

He did whatever the fuck he wanted.

And also,

You look so pretty and peaceful like this just like the old times, he could look at you forever. Oh, how much he loves you.

Gojo leans in closer to your face and stares at your face, you look so cute. He wants to kiss you. His gaze travels to your lips and he sighs, his mouth is literally foaming.

He missed you way too much.

Gojo is so impatient, but he’s trying his best to not lose his control, he presses his lips, gently to yours and steals a peck.

“My princess…” he mumbles to himself, just then you start moving, maybe the spell is wearing off, thank God because you’ve been unconscious for a full day.

He was almost starting to get concerned

“hey Baby.” he smiles brightly as he watches you open your eyes, moving your body, so cutely- he finds everything you do, cute.

“W-What the fuck?” that’s the first thing you say, Gojo doesn’t stop smiling, his lips curl up even more, “yes you’re here in my home- no our home baby.” he quickly corrects himself.

“SATURO- WHAT THE FUCK?!” he watches you wince in pain, maybe the spell was too strong, he should’ve been more careful, but he was impatient.

“Shh.. you’re OK you’re safe..” this time he doesn’t even resist the urge to touch your skin, he caresses your forehead with his hands, your forehead is burning.

You have a fever, his smile dies down quick.

“you are burning YN…” should’ve been more careful, you are only a fragile human. Gojo feels guilt bubble up in his chest.

He doesn’t care about the clear panic in your face, you try to slap his hand away, but he doesn’t budge. “baby don’t try to do this right now..” he whispers.

“we’ll talk about this later. We have a lot to talk about anyways.”

“are you fucking insane? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” he holds you down when you try to get up. Saturo rolls his eyes at your struggle.

He’s clearly getting pissed off.

“shut up YN. Yes I’m fucking insane because you tried to replace me. I’m going fucking insane. And that boyfriend of yours is dead… probably.”

Gojo doesn’t even get up from the seat, he glares at you, burning holes into your skin with his gaze.

“I’m fucking fuming. How could you, I was willing to give you space and that’s what you did to me? Immediately tried to replace me with that fucking loser?” he scoffs, and chuckles.

You open your mouth to argue, but he shuts you up, by holding his finger up on your lips, “like I said, shut the fuck up. You know what something I hate and love about you?”

Gojo clicks his tongue, looking at you with this cold blue eyes.

“I love and hate your fucking smart little mouth.”

Gojo caresses your cheek, his finger is feel so so hot on your skin, so soft under his touch.

“Too bad that I missed this pretty little mouth is so much..”

“I missed you way too much to argue like this. And just so you know, I do not regret kidnapping you. And I do not regret doing what I did to your boyfriend.”

You immediately start crying, crying for him to let you go, but he doesn’t listen.

“Stop fucking crying like a baby, now lay down and let me take care of you, come on be a good girl.” he scolds you.

He knows he’s so selfish and cold.

But he doesn’t give a fuck.

“you should’ve known that I was irreplaceable yn, I might’ve given you more time, but you had to do this, now you fucking pissed me off. Too bad that I love you so much though to punish you.”

[cutie4me]

Best Soukoku Fanfics That Bring Immense Nostalgia!

Someone on YouTube asked for recommendations for Soukoku fics so how could I give up such an opportunity to share some of my all time favourites?! Some of them will make you cry. Some of them will make you smile. But most importantly, the immense wave of nostalgia you’ll feel after reading some of these fics are surreal! I swear, sometimes I wish I’d forget about these fics just so I could rediscover and read them all over again! All these amazing works are on AO3 so please check them out and support the authors! I’ll continue to update this each time I find a new SKK fanfic!

“Overturn even the heavens and the earth” by sssoukoku

Chuuya uses corruption but Dazai’s too late to save him, or is he?

“My skull crown” by YunaYamiMouto

Mori is dead so Dazai has to go back to PM and take the throne as the new PM boss.

“Baby Executive” by BlowingYourMind

Chuuya gets turned into a child and goes through the life stages growing older under Dazai’s care, Dazai manages to develop empathy and a widespread of new emotions around each new stage of Chuuya. (Cross posted on Wattpad!)

“I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio” by ElectricSplatter

I’ve not read this yet but it’s really popular and has a lot of positive reviews from what I’ve heard. It’s a rockstar/band AU but it’s super long, probably the longest one here.

“The God and his Vessel” by Churroburrito

Arahabaki lives in Chuuya and they can interact and sometime Arahabaki can come out to talk to people. Arahabaki is surprisingly sweet and overprotective of Chuuya, quite like an older brother. (I absolutely adore Arahabaki and Chuuya’s dynamic in this fic!)

“Silly delusions” by Grinch1234

Arahabaki and Chuuya are one person and Arahabaki is a God stuck in a human’s body confused with how humanity works. He tries on many occasions to convince Dazai that he is a god to only one time in which Dazai actually believes him.

“I’ll always come for Chuuya” by toucheslikethesun

Dazai and Chuuya back in PM and Dazai tries to distance himself with Chuuya cuz of his feelings to the point Chuuya loses trust in him and thinks Dazai’s grown bored of him because of his new friend, Odasaku.

“We Are Never Ever, Ever Getting Back Together (Right?)” by sabiEMr

ADA and PM do an exchange thing where Chuuya works at ADA for a while and Atsushi works at PM. Chuuya tried to get over his relationship with his ex Dazai but it’s not really ideal when you’re now stuck with your ex at his workplace.

“Unexpected” by lemoncandy751

Soukoku get paired together for a project and they hate each other… except when they start to fall for each other. Well that was unexpected!

“It takes two, to create a whole” by X_DRAMA_QUEEN_X

Roommates/College AU. Dazai’s a player and Chuuya gets stuck being his roommate and they absolutely despise each other with a burning passion. Chuuya gets a little too close to Fyodor and doesn’t know who to trust anymore. Is it Dazai playing the mind games to make Chuuya fall for him or is it Fyodor? (It’s over on Wattpad as well!)

“If we can’t run together, why did we from the start?” by amythecinnabunny

Immortal Dazai x multiple reincarnation of Chuuya. Dazai loves each of them differently and learns to find and fall for each Chuuya reincarnation again and again! (I cried too much with the angsty ending of this. Lots of character deaths).

“Inseparable” by milwritescausewhynot

Highschool AU where Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for 12 years and are practically inseparable! They love to pull pranks on each other but when a certain prank of Dazai’s is taken too far that it puts Chuuya’s life at risk they must face the consequences of being apart for each other’s safety (due to Dazai’s guilt) yet still yearning for each other.

“Pretty Little Thing” by wallows_4

Chuuya, an assassin, is assigned a job to kill the Prince of a very wealthy and successful kingdom. Chuuya walks in thinking this will be easy when no threats are present, but the next thing he knows everything is dark. When he wakes up again, he is "interrogated" by three idiots. And the stupid prince is insistent on him being his personal pet!

“Of Libraries and Liberties” by Grinch1234

Chuuya Nakahara is the escaped government experiment known as A5158 seeking refuge as the librarian of his own little library sanctuary. Osamu Dazai is the notorious boss of the Port Mafia and by some illogical miracle, they manage to cross paths.

“Still, Still, Still” by icedlightroast

Actor/popstar Dazai x Rockstar Chuuya idustrial rivals AU! After a public drunken tweet confession professing his true feelings for his rival, Chuuya has no choice but to play the ploy of fake dating his rival, Dazai, to help this mess he’s made in his career. Except Dazai is a completely incompetent asshole who Chuuya can’t help but hate himself for falling for. Besides, there’s more to Dazai that meets the eye.

“Untainted Memories” by serenathea

BEAST! Chuuya shares his memories and emotions with the original Chuuya, and Dazai has to fix the mess and pain he has created.

“I can’t dare to dream about you anymore” by kiroiimye

High school AU where Dazai and Chuuya have been best friends and next-door neighbors since childhood, never seen apart despite their differing, respective lifestyles as the genius class president and the school’s beloved soccer star. Everything is perfect, except for the fact that Chuuya’s been in love with Dazai since forever and Dazai has a girlfriend.

“Always Yours” by Wellthathappened (Cataclysmic_Calamity)

Kingdom + Omegaverse AU where Dazai has been betrothed to Chuuya since they were both children—an arrangement that never particularly interested him—until their wedding night, when he sees the omega’s face for the first time. (EXPLICIT Rating for NSFW scenes but you can skip those if you wish)

“The Shepard and His Shadow” by LynyrdLionheart

Everyone knows the monster in the woods is why the village suffers a lack of resources. It's been that way for centuries. Then Dazai meets the monster, and everything he knew turns out to be a lie.

“The Life We Could've Lived” by Xena_Lemon

A very confused Dazai wakes up in a Highschool AU instead of his usual Agency dorm room. And strangely enough, Chuuya’s the only one who seems to be from his world (him and the mysterious girl who keeps watching them).

“Four Years Ago, Four Years Later” by Nightingale231

Chuuya knows before Dazai, does, really, that the younger man will run. Before anything - even before Mori and the home he has carved for himself in the Port Mafia - he will take Dazai's side where it matters. He hates the mackerel, he does; yet he wants Dazai to follow the goals that Odasaku set for him, because he… (loves him).

“Silver Claws, Silver Tongue” by CandiWolfe

In which Chuuya gets turned into a cat whilst on a mission and (unwillingly) seeks the misfortune of Dazai’s help to not only temporarily nullify the ability but to track down the bastard who dared turn him into a wretched feline. Except doing so is easier said than done. Especially when they’re from a whole new foreign organisation.

“How To Woo Your Husband in Seven Days” by moonlitsorrows

When Dazai accidentally performs a grave accident that angers his precious chibi husband and forces him out of their shared apartment and out onto the streets, he tries his hand at his backup operation of “How to Woo your husband in seven days” with seven articulate plans in hopes that it would finally convince Chuuya to invite him back home. Except each plan just seems to fail and give the redhead an even bigger blooming headache. Plan 7 was the last straw. Maybe Chuuya should finally invest in some long awaited (and deserved) divorce papers after such a hellish week of putting up with that stupid mackerel of a husband’s BS.

“Another Love” by infernaa

Dazai desperately wanted to get rid of everything dark and ugly in his life. Even if it meant leaving his love for Chuuya behind. (Slight Sigma x Dazai).

“When Will You Confess?” by Chuchu_hua

Dazai and Chuuya have been best friends since childhood. One day, Dazai gets himself a girlfriend and Chuuya feels jealous. He then realises he has feelings for his best friend, but doesn’t want to confess. One night under the stars plus the influence of wine becomes one heated make out session. The two continue to have random make out sessions, but don’t think to put a label on their relationship. One school dance is what it took for Dazai to grow a pair and finally admit his feelings out loud.

“Empire of Dirt” by arkastadt

Artist Dazai's bored and lives in a mansion, Mechanic Chuuya's the mysterious garden boy working for his family, and fate brings them together over and over again only to rip them apart. (Super angsty major character death! You have been warned! EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW).

“They said the eyes are the windows to the soul.” by Aprusalve

5+1 fic of Kyouka as she observed Soukoku and tried to guess their relationship and one time she finally decided to ask.

“catch me once, catch me twice” by seedus

Chuuya gets stuck in an ability loop where he’s basically wiped out of existence and Dazai decides to become the Demon Prodigy once more to hunt down the ability user responsible for daring to target his dog and bring him back.

“Something More Than A One Night Stand” by ShireHorses

It was supposed to be a one night stand and nothing more. The last thing Dazai expected was to catch feelings for Chuuya. Much less hurt him so badly by saying the night they spent had meant nothing. It hadn’t mattered when Dazai had said that to all the previous women he’d slept with so why did it pain him so much to see Chuuya cry and act so cold? (EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW scenes).

“build a temple in me” by oursorrows

Dazai wants to surprise his husband, Chuuya, on their one year anniversary, and he can't help falling in love all over again. (EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW scene).

“Tempus Fugit” by Imabukuhoe

Teenage Soukoku time travel to a their future are in for the shock of their life as they witness many (good) things they never expected to happen in their lives- and that they’re gay for each other but we don’t talk about that just yet. (EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW scene! Cross posted on Wattpad as well! It’s angsty midway through but with a happy ending!).

“No Longer Human” by Wolf___Spirit

When a stranger starts stealing people's abilities, the ADA and the Port Mafia team up to figure it out. However, something goes wrong and Dazai loses his ability in the process. The big problem? His ability not only nullified the abilities of others, but also his own emotions. And now, for the first time in his life, Dazai has emotions, chaotic and in turmoil. In the midst of this identity crisis, Dazai sets out to explore the world with Chuuya as his grumpy bodyguard, only to discover that he has never felt so...alive. And then they find out that if they don't find a way to give him back his ability, Dazai will die within two weeks. In a race against time, chaos ensues.

“Twisted Ties” by Cutie_4Me

Serial Killer Chuuya tries to hunt down his stalker who's been stalking him by breaking into his apartment only to be met with an unexpected and (un)pleasant surprise. (Yes- I’m shamelessly promoting my own fic)

"Backstage Pass" by the_most_unhappy

When world-famous violinist Dazai Osamu announces his early retirement, a part of him is sure he will never love music again. He’s in his twenties, but he’s already tired of everything. Meanwhile, up-and-coming frontman Nakahara Chuuya is everything Dazai is not: reckless, smug, and a rockstar. They’re total opposites. They could never fall in love, right? (Implied Sexual Content But Nothing Explicit)

"More like a crash" by Jickas

Chuuya loses his memory and Dazai decides this will be a great opportunity to mess with him. But what happens when he goes a little too far and old feelings begin to resurface?

"Everything or Nothing" by Wellthathappened (Cataclysmic_Calamity)

College AU where Chuuya finds out that the boy he drunkenly made out with the night of orientation is his new roommate. His arrogant, smug, very straight roommate. And the boys are each convinced the other is trying to ruin their life by making them go absolutely insane. But of course, things don't go as planned and they somehow ended up with the typical fuck buddies arrangement. Feelings become more complex and they both soon find that the other is hiding something, a secret that could very much rupture everything in their relationship. (EXPLICIT Rated for multiple NSFW scenes and sexual exploration).

^Based off the song 'Everything or Nothing' by Picture This.

"Lost in Translation (Found in Love)" by archerwrites

Dazai is convinced (forced) to join his friends for a year spent in Paris, and he doesn't know a word of French. Chuuya is just hoping to get through school without any strange encounters, and he doesn't know a word of Japanese. They collide (literally) and the situation devolves from there. They figure it out. Falling in love in Paris is a very romantic cliche, after all. Even if there's a language barrier between them.

“Teenage Dream” by Badwolf36

Dazai sees Chuuya looking at a high school, unsure how he feels that he never got the chance to go since the Port Mafia hired tutors. Dazai, despite mocking him, sort of feels the same. Which is how they end up on a high school rooftop in stolen uniforms, eating melon bread during class hours, and it’s the happiest either of them has been in a long time, even if neither of them will admit it.

“Music To My Ears” by bluemango0406

Dazai is having a hard time coming up with a new piece that has a strict deadline. Lucky for Dazai, his husband, Chuuya, knows exactly what to do to help Dazai out- by getting himself fucked on a piano. (EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW scene!).

“at the sight of you” by taintedlight

Dazai Osamu swears that Nakahara Chuuya is only his friend-with-benefits, until he accidentally stays the night and wakes up to the breathtaking sight of Chuuya in the morning, and all of a sudden Chuuya is more than just his fuck buddy. (IMPLIED SEXUAL CONTENT).

“Our little fantasy worlds” by Izu (soaringivy)

14 year old Soukoku find out they both like writing stories. They also find out they both like reading each other's stories (and that they have feelings for each other too).

“Pay For It” by SevenSnowflakes

Dazai comes up with an ingenious plan to pay for Chuuya's extravagant birthday dinner involving an unsuspecting Atsushi. Will Chuuya find out the truth of how Dazai just so manages to sneak himself out of this one? (EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW scene!).

“We Met Again” by Redd (Blurryface1304)

In which, following the events of BEAST, Chūya finds the book and, with the help of Odasaku, writes an alternate universe where he meets Dazai under more 'normal' circumstances.

“Just Know I loved You All Along” by Kryptonian_in_Winterfell

In which Dazai has anterograde amnesia after an accident and wakes up in a stranger’s bed, with no recollection of almost 6 years of his past but apparently this stranger is his husband. At least he finds his stranger husband cute.

“The art of deceiving you” by Alheenaa

What if Dazai accidentally kissed Chuuya during their first encounter, nullifying his gravity control? And since then, he has always lied to him, claiming that his ability only activates through a kiss and not simply by touching him. Chuuya never doubted it because Dazai always went to kiss him whenever he wanted to deactivate his ability.

“More like a crash” by Jickas

Where Chuuya loses his memory and Dazai decides this will be a great opportunity to mess with him. But what happens when he goes a little too far?

“(take me back to) the night we met” by morbidly_dazed & straysolace

Dazai and Chuuya decided to celebrate their anniversary in a different way this year to spice things up a bit but they end up getting way too emotional.

“Lost All Judgement” by todxrxki

After a momentary lapse in judgment, high school student Chuuya ends up having to pretend to date his enemy Dazai to get Tachihara off of his back - and quickly finds it's nowhere as bad as he'd imagined.

“sleepless nights” by huahuapain

Chuuya can't sleep so he thinks about his existence as a result but luckily Dazai is there to help him fall asleep.

“We bloomed in darkness, we'll flourish in the light” by chxxrychuu

After the death of the Flags, Chuuya leaves the Mafia. Soon, Dazai follows behind after Odasaku's death. What happens when the two meet at the Armed Detective Agency?

“Shadows at the Corner of our Eyes” by ayyartee

Role reversal AU where Dazai never left the Mafia and taken over as boss and Chuuya left instead and ended up in the agency.

“so if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow” by prettysicknasty

This was far from the first time Dazai had to spend time in a mental institution. The inpatient facility was more like a second home at this point. He wasn't expecting anything different from usual when he was admitted, but when a fiery redheaded roommate is thrown into his usually dull and monochrome life, suddenly it doesn't seem so boring anymore. (Mental Institution AU).

“A Lesson In Thorns” by arkastadt

AU in which king of the sheep Chuuya has to marry port mafia boss Dazai to get one of his people out of the mafia’s clutches, only many things don’t go as planned and Chuuya ends up falling for Dazai hard whilst getting destroyed in the process. (Super angsty temporary major character death! EXPLICIT Rated for NSFW).

“Between The Lines” by localoser

After years of no contact, Fashion designer Chuuya Nakahara finds himself on the doorstep of his greatest enemy and, foremost, first love, new arising bestselling author Dazai, with a rather interesting book in his hands about their past.

“open secret” by sunbaemint

All the times when Chuuya tries to bribe everyone in the ADA or PM who accidentally finds out about his relationship with Dazai, and the one time when he doesn't have to.

“The (not so) perfect pair” by Silaswastaken

In another universe where soulmates exist and are identified by marks in the form of whatever injury your partner has- Chuuya Nakahara is about to turn 16, and his best friend Dazai has been endlessly teasing him over the prospect of a mark. However, when he wakes up on his birthday covered in light blue lines he is unsure what to do, or how to approach identifying his soulmate, and his best friend has been acting in increasingly concerning ways since being told about the marks. OR: What do you do when your covered in the evidence of your soulmates self harm, and your bandaged best friend (who you are definitely NOT in love with) seems to be breaking at the seams?

[cry4mina]

Take Me Back To Eden - Are You Really Okay? - Part 6.5

(Mina x gn!reader)

Take Me Back To Eden Series Page

Word Count: 7k

Angst/Fluff/I don’t know what to call this

Summary: This takes place at the end of place after reader passes out in Part 6! Please read that for context! This is also in FIRST PERSON (gasp!) from Mina’s perspective! See what Mina sees at the end of *THE* scene and some of the consequences of Nayeon’s actions.

TW: Guns, violence, abuse, sex/mentions of sex, medical stuff and lemme know if I miss anything! (I so did)

A/N: We are experimenting a little bit on this one with first person pov! Thank you to @2wiceasnice9 for making these gifs for this! I appreciate it very much 🖤

Thank you guys for reading as always! Ask/Dms always open! 🖤 Love yall, have a great day!

—

“Nayeon, you can’t do this!” Oh my god, she’s really going to shoot me. Y/n is on the floor bleeding out right in front of both of us and she’s going to fucking shoot me?!

Panic ices my veins as Nayeon opens her mouth to reply. Tears are filling my eyes and I can’t seem to blink them away fast enough. I hear Nayeon hit the floor, shouting out and the gun skidding out of sight.

Nayeon’s rage is heard but no longer seen, the sounds of struggling bouncing off the walls from behind the desk. Hearing Y/n’s grunts of pain make me nauseous and panicky. A hefty sinking feeling that weighs me down, physically trying to slow me while I come up with a plan to stop everything around me.

If I want to put a stop to this, I need that gun.

Now.

Seeing a glint from the metal on the edge of the room against a baseboard, I race over to pick it up.

In my race to turn around I see Y/n getting the shit beat out of them on the ground. Nayeon gets up, scanning the floor to try and find the gun that was already in my hands.

I don’t want to do this! God, I really don’t want to fucking do this! Deep breath in, exhale slowly, finger around the trigger and…

The shot louder than any sound I’ve ever heard, reverberating the ache in my heart harder as the scene before me unfolds in slow motion and deafening silence. Nayeon mouth opens and face turns red, reflecting anguish when her knees hit the floor. She coddles her abdomen, mask contorting from hatred, to pain in the blink of an eye.

I drop the gun and immediately run over to Y/n. She’s bleeding all over the floor, I cup the back of her head to try and halt the loss of her life force but I’m so worried it’s already been too much spilled, the puddle of blood growing larger with passing seconds.

Y/n is so disoriented, I can barely catch her attention. Pulling her head into my lap, trying to talk to her to keep her here but she keeps looking at me with fluttering eyes. I can’t even hear my own voice, crying out for her without even an echo in my head.

I can’t hold myself together anymore, my tears start to fall endlessly down my cheeks. I can’t lose her. Even in such a short time, I’ve grown to truly care for this human that lays in my lap, bruised and bloodied.

The look of hope beaming through her eyes in an attempt to focus on me. My heart cracks just a little more. Someone had to have heard the gunshots. Someone had to call for help, right?

“Y/n! Y/n! Look at me, it’s going to be okay! We are going to get you ou-”

A heavy jolt of pressure slams into my chest.

Air ripped from my lungs at a pace that’s indescribable.

Unable to even hear my heart beating in this deafening silence, my eyes water and my breathing tries to regulate but hyperventilating was the only response my body had.

I look up and see Nayeon with her hand over her wound, slouched in the corner of the room with the gun pointed right at me.

At…me?

Y/N’s body starts to vibrate in my arms, I look down for a split second to see them screaming in agony. The thick crimson liquid drips down my torso rapidly when it registers what’s happened. That’s where the burn starts. A stinging, fiery, gut wrenching blaze of panic that drench the tension in something that can only be explained as pure terror. Nausea and sweat are immediate following the outpour of blood.

My breathing picks up rapidly, my body finally catching up with my brain and trying to save itself. I keep my hand on the back of Y/n’s head, and bring my other up to cover my own wound. Watching as Nayeon keeps her eyes on the scene unfolding, a grimace on her face when Y/n passes out in my arms.

“Mina, you should be happy!” mockingly loud, spat at me through the ringing of my ears.

“At least she won’t have to watch you suffer!” Nayeon brings the gun back up, pointing it right in my line of sight before her head swings to her right and she locks eyes with something behind me.

Nayeon’s eyes widened at the door that’s violently flying open. My hearing fades slowly back in. Turning my head towards whatever Nayeon was looking at, Jihyo storms in and is yelling and aggressively flailing her arms.

Jihyo?

What is she doing here?!

Confusion sets in, the blood spills from my chest, and it’s getting harder to breathe.

Jihyo continues to point when she looks over and sees the state of Y/N and I. Her eyes widened with pure terror and rage, storming over to Nayeon and attempting to grab the gun from her. Nayeon points the gun at Jihyo and kicks her legs out weakly, trying to keep Jihyo away from her.

“I don’t want to shoot you, Hyo! Baby, please!” Faintly heard through the ringing of my eardrums trying to reset.

“LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, NAYEON! The police are already on their way, I told them everything about your plan!” Jihyo snatches the gun from her. She’s absolutely bawling her eyes out in disgust at how far Nayeon was willing to go.

My vision starts to blur leaving light trails behind every thing that moves. Nayeon stands and lunges at Jihyo, throwing punches and kicking her, trying to reach for the gun again.

“Why would you FUCKING tell them?! I thought you were loyal! I thought you loved me!” Nayeon screeches in a fit of rage, mustering every ounce of energy she can to wrestle Jihyo to the ground.

My body starts swaying back and forth. I'm losing the will to stay awake. I look down at Y/n, passed out in my arms. Her breathing is shallow.

I have to keep my eyes open for her.

I start coughing harshly, tasting the blood that is spewing out of my mouth, coating my tongue in an iron laced flavor. The taste of defeat is present in the moment, if I’m coughing blood…that mean that the bullet is probably in my lung…I’m going to drown if I don’t pass out from the blood loss first.

I’m trying my best to keep pressure on my chest and on the back of Y/n’s head but my strength is wavering far too much to be successful in both.

A warm hand on my back that has a sense of urgency startles me. Attempting to focus, I look up to see Momo bawling her eyes out next to me. Her hand flies over mine to put more pressure on my bullet wound.

Momo is trying to understand everything happening around us, eyes frantically trying to absorb everything one by one. The bullet hole in my chest, Jihyo and Nayeon fighting it out on the floor, Y/n’s bloodied state, and then right back to her hands, that are now covered in my blood.

“How did you know we were here?” I choke out between shallow, hoarse breaths.

“Jihyo called me on her way here. I was on the phone with her when I heard the first shot.”

My head feels too heavy to hold up. I slouch a little, swaying and trying to keep my eyes open and the pressure tight when a loud smack startles me and Momo both.

Both of us looked up immediately to see Jihyo shaking her hand in pain, knuckles bloodied, and Nayeon trying to stand back up but struggling to stand on her own two feet.

Nayeon tackles Jihyo to the floor again, large hands around her neck, tensely squeezing our leader's throat. Jihyo is trying everything in her power to pry Nayeon’s fingers off her throat, gasping and tugging at her digits, trying to hit Nayeon but nothing would remove her.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I couldn’t end up with you. You just aren’t Y/n.” Nayeon hisses above Jihyo before lifting her head by her neck and slamming it into the ground.

Momo stands up to try and come to Jihyo’s defense, ready to defend her and help her get Nayeon subdued until the police arrived.

A bang shatters every reality between what should have happened and what did happen.

Colors wash out of my sight when I see how Momo freezes in front of me, unmoving in a statuesque fashion, breath being held in a death grip.

I call out to her, barely hearing my own voice when her body shudders, turning away and bringing her attention back to me and y/n. I can see and hear her sobs in whispers and grey wash.

Looking over to where the struggle happened, Jihyo is still laying flat on her back sobbing with Nayeon on top of her, too still for comfort.

“Momo…what happened?” I squeak out.

Her eyes are lifeless. Someone who has just witnessed something horrific squatted before me, hands shaking, struggling to apply pressure to my chest and unable to look me in the eyes.

“Why did you do this?…why?” Jihyo cries out through sniffles and rage filled tears.

The clunking sound of someone rolling into the floor catches me off guard, watching Jihyo stand. She’s drenched in blood and making her way over to me.

“Momo…” I croaked with the last bit of my energy, when my vision started to fade to black.

“Stop…Y/n’s blee-…”

The last thing I felt was my back hitting the floor and coldness.

—

Everything is hazy and unfamiliar for a moment, lucidity is not something my brain feels like it’s familiar with. I can’t tell if my eyes are closed but I feel cold. Prickling in my skin does nothing but annoy as a rush of chemicals tells my body it’s okay to be okay.

It’s going to be okay, right?

The burning sensation I can’t quite pinpoint eases rapidly after the sharp stick in the divot of my arm. The voices I hear are unfamiliar, except one. The tone brings comfort, but I couldn’t tell you who it was or what they are to me. All I know is this clouded darkness behind my eyes.

I fall into what feels like sleep. Calm, quiet, almost nurturing in the way of comfort. It envelops me completely. What a joy to feel something other than fear and pain.

Just calm.

I hope she’s okay.

A loud slam of something metal around me brings me into a state of conscience that I have never felt, shifting me into something recognizable and familiar. The darkness in my eye lids slowly fades into warm lighting, laughter and playfulness is heard through out the room I find myself in.

I’m at Jihyo’s house?

How did I get here?

“Oh my GOD! Baby, what are you doing here?!” Nayeon screams and runs out the front door.

Baby?…What is happening?

Y/n and Nayeon walk in, hand in hand. Smiling at each other and everyone is running over to meet the girl that Nayeon has been gushing about. I feel a pang of jealousy in my stomach. Y/n would never do this to me, after what Nayeon did.

Trying to stand to confront them both, I can’t force my body to move.

Wait…

This is the party where we met for the first time.

One of my favorite memories.

She’s sitting there quietly and I just can’t help but watch her take everything in. Her energy is so warm. So peaceful.

I mirror her, silently taking her in, watching her body language, watching how she is with the other members. Politely listening to others speak about their individual interests. I see her eyes shift to me.

“Mina, I know we actually have some hobbies in common! You like legos and video games too, right? Minecraft is what Nayeon told me.” quizzically from across the way.

I can’t believe this is who Nayeon was with. This is not what I pictured at all. Usually she dates obsessive fangirls that she can use and throw away when she’s done, but this person she has just introduced us all to…was nothing like that. She was kind, considerate, very good looking, and someone who brought life into a conversation.

The first of a few conversations, usually that she started. I was always too nervous to speak to her without her prompting it, though I desperately wanted to. I was and am so fascinated and intrigued by the fluttering in my stomach with every word spoken in that angelic voice.

Faces start distorting when I come to the conclusion that this must be a dream.

I must be dreaming.

The walls drop and everything snaps to darkness. My legs whisking me forward trying to find some sense of direction when I blink, I’m in a hallway? Where am I? And then I see her.

Walking down the same hallway laced in gray paint, the embodiment of sunshine, the light in this monotone building. Y/n walks right past me and offers up a small smile. A soft “Hey Mina. It’s so good to see you.” And a somber wave in my direction, the gentle tears streaming down her cheeks, I remember this…

The corridor zips out from underneath me, shrinking in the distant void to a mere sparkle. I’m alone in the darkness again. Why did I just hop from a memory to another memory…?

The sound of yelling brings be to another familiar place. Half warm, half ice. The energy here was a weird sense of home, comfortably uncomfortable.

I’m at Y/n and Nayeon’s apartment…the girls are in the living room but Nayeon and Y/n are nowhere to be seen. The music is just loud enough to muffle the shouting in the other room but I’m close enough to the door to hear it.

“Fine! Do whatever you want, Nayeon!”

“What do you mean? You’re supposed to come with us!”

“I don’t want to be around you, so you go! Do whatever you want, you’re going to anyway!”

The door opens, Nayeon steps out and I see Y/n hunched over in a chair with her head in her hands, body shivering, obviously holding back sobs. Nayeon closes the door quickly to avoid the detection of the fight.

Making eye contact with me as she spins around, I smile at her and pretend I didn’t see. Y/n needs her right now, and she’s just going to leave with us? What kind of a partner are you?

The sound of her cracking open a beer can throws me forward, through a sliding glass door.

I’m on a balcony? I can hear the girls inside laughing and having a good time. A sniffle rings out against the laughter in a contrast that makes my stomach sink.

Looking to my left, I see Y/n sitting with her back against the wall, curled into herself, elbows resting on her knees and hands covering her obviously crying face.

My heart breaks in that moment, in a way it didn’t the first time. In a way I didn’t know was possible. Just as I did in the memory, I sit next to her in silence. The memory wouldn’t allow me to change it’s already pathed out course, this moment I would never change.

She looks up at me when our shoulders touch, eyes red and swollen.

“Oh! Mina…Hey!. Sorry, I’m okay. Just…uh…having a bad day.” through the tears that descend down her soft cheeks.

“Are you really okay?” I wish I could say more. I know she’s not okay. I’ve known for a while but it’s not my place to tell this person I barely knew to leave her partner. It seems like Nayeon has manipulated Y/n into thinking that what was happening between them was healthy.

Super sweet love bombing.

Calm conversations with carefully chosen words to belittle, betray, and knock down.

Nayeon’s perfectly crafted nightmare of subtle abuse was so laced in other tastes that it was almost impossible to spot from any perspective, you had to be paying attention very very closely to see it. It makes sense why she lost her mind when she did. The plan falls apart when the object of your manipulation realizes they have free will, or you get too sloppy and they flat out leave.

She stops moving, frozen in the question. The pain behind her eyes sears my heart in ways unexplainable. How I wish I could take that pain away from her.

Y/n leans her head on my shoulder, tears stop falling momentarily. Her body relaxes in a way I was unfamiliar with before…was she always this comfortable around me?

A knock on the slider blends with the sound of something being thrown across the room that materialized right in front of me.

Suddenly, I’m in Japan for our group interview, walking in on Jihyo and Nayeon having a very heated conversation.

“What am I supposed to do? If the public finds out…the company will have a fit!” Nayeon is in tears, fists bawled and red in the face. Jihyo is holding her, rubbing her back in a soothing manner. Her hand glides up Nayeon’s spine in a very…intimate…way.

“Don’t worry, honey.” swiping a tear gently off Nayeon’s cheek, the loving look in her eyes was something I’d never seen them share. I had never seen Jihyo react this way to anyone’s tears like that, not even Sana.

“We can figure it out, okay? We can make a plan for when Y/n and you talk and keep our story strai- Hey, Mina!” Jihyo jumps back from Nayeon, seemingly nervous about what I’ve seen.

“…is everything okay?”

“Yes, Nayeon and Y/n got into a fight…they’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Jihyo assured me, though at the time, I didn’t know what I was hearing in that conversation. Nayeon’s glare at me was enough to speak volumes.

She must’ve always known my fascination with Y/n.

“Alright girls, I’ve got a plane to catch back home…are you going to be okay, hon- I mean unnie?”

A freudian slip.

“Honey.” said out loud, just like when I heard it for the first time and again, without my own free will.

Nayeon scowls at me, Jihyo is shocked I said anything and I’m not so confused about what was happening here anymore. At the time I had not realized how close they were, or what was transpiring between them. I can still hardly believe it, even with proof.

The sound of footsteps towards me sends me to memory, turning into my own steps while I pace on the phone with Momo, talking about how Nayeon and Y/n have broken up and what Nayeon did to her.

The upset that all the information she is telling me over the speaker floods me with upset. A rage unseen by most, even hearing it a second time causes me to seethe. An innocent person, broken by the hands of someone unworthy.

Little did I know how broken she would actually get. I thought maybe I could help put the pieces back together, I never imagined it would turn into what it did…

“Hey, Momo, will you send me Y/n’s number? I’d like to check on her.” I still feel the nervousness behind the question along with the cheerfulness of seeing her again.

Even if this broken record moment in my brain is just a figment, it’s making me feel the same way, almost layered in a sense. The before feeling, and the after feeling.

If you really think about it, memories are just mental photobooks. Bottles of feelings and images contained for when you hear a sound, smell something familiar, or are around a specific person that makes your heart scream in agony at the sheer amount of love that seeps into every orifice you have when in their presence.

I am simply living in them.

“Sure, I’m sure she would love to hear from you, Mina.” replied when the phone in my hand vibrates. The text Momo sent has a contact labeled “Y/nnie” I can’t help but chuckle at the cute nickname again. I watch myself, from my own eyes, save it and not change the name.

I hesitate to call, the worry of if she would agree to hang out with me sits on my stomach again. I can do this, I know I can…Okay okay, here we go.

Reliving the excited feeling of calling her for the first time was less excruciating this time, the phone ringing until I heard her yell through the speaker.

“Can you stop calling me? I obviously don’t want to talk to you.” the tone heavy with annoyance, I remember thinking this was a bad time to call.

“..Y/n?” the hesitation when she realizes that I wasn’t the person she assumed I was adorable. Small notes of confusion in her silence was something I wish I could have witnessed sooner.

“Oh…uhm, sorry…I thought this was Jihyo. I don’t have this number saved in my phone…”

“That’s alright” I giggled, feeling a little awkward just as I remember.

“It’s Mina.”

“Mina?”the shock in her voice was noticeable, voice pitched up, and I could visualize her brows furrowing.

“Momo told me what happened and I asked for your number… I hope that’s okay.” the sounds of the call change drastically, going from crystal clear to a little hazy and to the sound of squeaky brakes.

“Yes, that’s totally fine…uhm, sorry, I’m…a little all over the place right now.”

“I know we don’t really know each other too well but…uhm, I know we have some common interests and that you could probably use a friend right now…so I figured I would call and see if you wanted to get a coffee or something…or maybe just sit on the couch and play videogames or…  something.” I really should’ve thought about what I was going to say before I called her.

“That sounds…really nice. I’d love to. Would you…want to text me your schedule for the next week or two and we can plan it from there?” My heart flutters again when I hear the sound of her smile beaming through the phone.

“Sounds good, I’ll text you.” hanging up before I got too giggly on the phone. I wasn’t trying to be weird about it to her…I just wanted to get to know her and be around her warmth again.

The sound of my phone locking sends me to her front door, 2 coffees in hand. A deep breath before the door opens. I was so nervous to see her and a little worried about the anxiety that she had been feeling.

The crack of the door ushers me inside and I offer her the coffee she didn’t ask for. We curl up on separate couches and play video games together and just talk.

We have intellectual conversations about almost every topic we stumble upon, I see her back unclenching as the day goes on and I know that we both need to eat.

Heading to the Japanese cafe that was so close by we could walk, our hands brush against each other. To feel that all over again ethereal. Bursts of adrenaline, the flashes of cold, the fluttering of the butterflies, the way it ignited something in me. I was meant to hold that hand.

“These shops seem cool, maybe we should come back another day and explore them.” My ears are burning at the question and the overwhelming tension I feel inside myself about her. I do hope we can go back to those shops someday.

We ordered sake and I asked her if I could order food for her. Paying attention to what she said when we spoke earlier when I was describing the food my mother makes, it seemed like it would be a fun idea.

I ordered the food in Japanese so the meal would be a surprise when it arrived at the table. The way she looked at me when I did was absolutely adorable, seemingly nervous now- scratching the sides of her fingers.

Reaching my hand out, I lay it on hers. Her shoulders relax and her jaw unclenches, our eyes are locked and I’m swooning. Even in a nervous state, this celestial being in front of me was devastating to my heart.

The way the emotions flickered in her eyes and on her face were telling of the last person who held this hand and the damage she left behind.

I touched her without permission, my hand retracted rapidly as I apologized. The food arrives in the middle of her trying to tell me why she reacted the way she did, cutting off the conversation all together.

She notices the similarities in our plates, asking me if we got the same thing. I tell her I remembered the little details from what she used to eat when she came to the studio, so I took off what she didn’t like and had them rearrange things.

She tells me the entire story of what happened with Nayeon over the food that night. I still can’t fathom the type of human that could hurt someone so tender.

The clinking of the plates after we finish our meal puts me in the cafe, paying for the bill. I thanked the lady at the podium and turn to walk out the front door when I see them.

Nayeon is outside with Jihyo, trying to throw herself at Y/n, what the hell is she doing here? I get so angry thinking about the pain that she’s gone through and with a little liquid courage from the sake, I take my stance next to Y/n and grab her hand.

“Are you ready to go, my love?” I make sure to raise my voice a little so that Nayeon and Jihyo can hear what I’ve said. I refuse to let her try to bully Y/n into submission. There will be no opportunities for that, at least not with me around.

“You can’t be serious right now, Y/n! After last night, are you on a date with Mina? A member of my group? Do you not have your own friends to filter through? Did I not satiate you enough? …Maybe we should’ve gone one more round.”

Nayeon is absolutely floored, so mad that she’s here with me. Seeing it all play back in my mind's eye, I should’ve noticed the signs. I should’ve seen what was going to happen. Maybe I could’ve protected her.

Wait…did she say a date?

I mean…I guess this is a date…I never thought about it like that. I wonder how Y/n felt when Nayeon said that…I know now how she feels about us, but I can’t help but wonder what was going through her head while we were here.

Jihyo is silently crying and getting back into the car but I don’t think anyone else notices. While I view her as a huge part of the problem, I can’t help but feel bad for her. Look at her standing there so uncomfortable she can barely even function.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her from now since you can’t satiate her, apparently.” I wink at Nayeon and lead Y/n away from this mess.

A sneeze places me on Y/n’s couch with her wrapped around me, cuddling into me with her hand on my torso. My heart is full like this. I hope to experience more of moments like these with her.

My body jolts from her pushing down on me, gasping for air in a way that’s rushed and eager. She’s immediately up crying and pacing back and forth in the living room. A panic attack happening before my eyes, I spring into action and comfort her the best I can.

Y/n parts from me, stripping her hoodie off so she’s just in a sports bra. I’m attempting to be respectful about not staring at her half naked but having the hardest time with it. I just want to give her everything she deserves.

I catch her by her wrist as she paces, pulling her into my arms and telling her she’s safe. Y/n pulls back, looking me in the eyes from mere inches away. I can feel her breath against me, I just want to lean in and press my lips on hers when she scoots in a little closer to me.

I take this as permission, meeting her in the middle and the lightning that shoots through me is so powerful that all my nerves burn with the essence that is Y/n. Trying to keep things calm but she starts to lean in harder so I take control.

I push her onto the couch and once my hands hit the couch, the glass shatters and we are surrounded by police and clothed again. The police are questioning my poor Y/n. I wish she could catch a break.

The click of the officers pen and I’m taping up the window for her, turning around to see her completely lost in thoughts with glass in her foot.

The snap of the first aid kit brings us back to her bed, where she’s telling me she feels safe and my heart is racing to tell her all the feelings that have built up.

Next thing I know, I’m between her legs tasting the slick off her folds. She’s moaning underneath me and the sound is godly. I just want to devour her but this isn’t the moment. That will come soon enough. Right now, this is about her.

What she wants.

What she needs.

Cumming into my mouth, the sounds are that of angels singing to me and only me in that moment. I wrap my fingers around her throat and squeeze a little just to hear her moan for me again.

Leaning down to kiss her again, when our lips part I’m on the phone with the police.

“Hello, we’ve called to update you on the case that you filed last night. We’ve arrested Park Jihyo. She admitted guilt when confronted about the vandalizing of house.”

“What?” I still can’t believe she would have taken the fall for Nayeon like that.

When I hit end on the phone call, I spin around to Y/n telling me to lay in her lap and I happily do so. There’s so much comfort in her touch, I can’t explain the calm. It’s calmer than the void at the beginning of this weird live action trip down memory lane. I sink into a deep sleep while she plays with my hair.

When my eyes open, I’m on the phone with Momo. At this point, I’m just letting this memory train whisk me away. I’m not going to question why this is happening.

She’s wondering where I am, I remember the banquet and then I’m throwing my shoes on by the front door when Y/n asks me on a date…an official date. I’m consumed with joy. Finally, Ill get to show her what love actually looks like.

When the door shuts behind me, I’m suddenly at Momo’s house getting ready with her and Dahyun.

“Soooo…you and y/n, hm?” Momo pokes at me to get more information.

“Well…I think so. These past 2 days have been…kind of magic? Even with all the crazy stuff that’s been happening with Nayeon.” I want to shout how excited I am from the rooftops but my body won’t allow me to.

“I really hope yo- wait, what did you say?” The confusion on Momo’s face is laced in concern as she stares at me, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

I tell her everything. The confrontation at the restaurant, the way Nayeon called Y/n that morning, the rock through the window, and lastly Jihyo taking the fall.

Momo and Dahyun both are stunned by this new information, jaws on the floor. I just nod my head at them, trying to not think about the negatives of this because I have a date with Y/n and the closeness we have has made me so smitten.

“Wait…you were with Y/n this morning? I thought you had plans yesterday…?” Dahyun is confused about the story she has just overheard.

“Uhm…yes. She didn’t want to be alone last night so I stayed with her.” I admit quietly, hoping for no further questions. Not that I don’t want to talk about it, but it feels so fresh.

“…did you sleep on the couch? Or?” Dahyun is smiling so big at me that I can’t help but laugh.

Momo doesn’t even try to stop her from asking questions because she’s curious as well, it’s not like Y/n gave her any information while she was on the phone with her.

“I did not sleep on the couch.”

They both gasp at this. They aren’t stupid. They know what happened.

“Wait did you guys have se-”

“I’m going to go call Y/n and see if she’s on her way.” I step out of the room and dial the phone, stepping outside to get some privacy.

When the door clicks behind me, I’m blasted into the memory of her crying in my arms because Nayeon showed up to her apartment and bombarded her, yet again.

I tell her to stay with me tonight after she expresses she doesn’t want to see Nayeon again. Y/n announces she doesn’t want to impose and I just kiss her to shut her up.

I pull on her blazer to keep her close and feel her hands travel up to my neck. I’m going to take her here.

Right here.

I untuck her shirt, run my fingers along the edge of her waistline when the door flings open.

“Hey, Mina did you talk wi- OH?!” Of course, it’s Momo interrupting the moment. How embarrassing.

“Sorry to interrupt! Should I go back inside or?” Dahyun sneaks out behind Momo through the door and shuts it.

The sound of the lock latching sends me to the table we are all sat at, eating dinner and making light conversation. I’m focused on Y/n, who is toying around with her food and not really present in the moment.

Leaning over to her, I make sure to look Y/n in her eyes when I ask her if she’s okay the first time. A small nod of the head, I lean back into my chair, and continue eating my dinner. I know she’s lying, it’s written in the way her eyes are tracing every detail of the table and avoiding mine.

Maybe she just doesn’t know how apparent it is. I take another few bites, leaning in one more time.

“Are you su-”

“I get that we aren’t together but can you stop doing whatever this-” moving her hands around in a dramatic fashion. “- is, in front of me? Kind of rude, don't you think?”

You are kidding me. I can’t believe she just said that in front of everyone. We are not supposed to be the focus tonight.

“Nayeon, not now.” Momo chiming in like she already knew what any sane person would be thinking watching this all play out. More annoyed than I will allow myself to display, especially after knowing what was going to happen after this.

Especially now, knowing exactly what Nayeon was capable of.

“You think she can do for you what I did? You think she can be who you need her to be for you?! WE are supposed to be here together, not you and Mina! Mina, of all people!” body language threatening and almost violent in nature.

Me? Of all people? What the *fuck* does that mean?!

Everyone around us is completely in shock, with the exception of those who knew what Nayeon was, who Nayeon could be. I see some avoidance from a few of the members, not wanting to encourage her or draw attention to the situation.

Reliving this makes me just as enraged as it did the first time.

“I bet she doesn’t fuck like I do or do you need another reminder of how I fuck you?”

Oh, good god. I still can’t believe she said that out loud for everyone at this table and around us to hear. This is not the fucking place for this.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to work on thi-”

“ENOUGH!”

Boom.

I take another bite of my meal, before setting my utensils down. Looking over at my stunning date, making sure to make eye contact. The fury behind my eyes is enough to prompt her to do what I so desperately wanted to.

“Nayeon, why don’t you tell everyone where Jihyo is?” the malice inflected in the statement sends chills down my spine. This assertive dominant part of her that I was meeting in full form for the first time…I was happy she was spending the night at mine.

I feel the way the warmth fills me, starting between my legs and creeping up as she puts this vicious bitch in her place.

“Y/n…I- I don’t know what you mean. H- How should I know?” That’s right. Panic.

“Oh, sure you do!...Weren’t you with her last night?” Everyone is staring at her now, confused and concerned.

“Wait-” Tzuyu starts and then everything is silent. I look around, waiting for the room to change to the memory I know is next.

Everyone around me is frozen in place, unwavering in complete and total stillness. I stand and fix my dress, this is the first time that I have control over my body since this montage of memories started.

Walking towards the room.

The room.

The room where everything happens.

The room where Y/n gets hurt.

The room where I get shot.

The room where Jihyo ends Nayeon’s life…

I step in with no hesitation, before I realize that the entirety of the room is pitch black and there is no floor.

I fall.

Dropping through a tunnel of nothingness, just trying to catch anything that will keep me from descending into this pit of darkness. The void calls and I’ve returned against my will again.

A halt jerks me out of the dissociated state that I found myself in. How long did I fall for? How long have I been in this state?

A small pinhole of light shines through the ether, steadily growing and getting brighter.

Is it getting closer?

“Mina?” An echoed whisper reverberates every bone in my body. Shaking me violently, the void cracks, shining the beams of another realm through the shattering façade around me

“Mina…darling, you have to wake up.”

Y/n?

Dull beeps pipe through the whispers and into my brain. My throat feels hot, why doesn’t my throat feel hot?

“Mina, please…”

The light is blinding now as a vision of my parents shine through, my eyes flutter open and try to focus on their faces when the smell of hospital breaks all my senses.

The tube down my throat keeps me from speaking, my parents are crying in happiness that I’m awake but the tears I cry are of fear.

My eyes search helplessly, unable to communicate what I’m looking for.

Who I am looking for.

My father notices my panic, trying to calm me when the pain starts. The same burn in my chest from earlier. I try to look down at my chest at my wound when the nurse comes in and greets me.

“Mina! Welcome back! Your family missed you!” cheered through a beaming smile.

I start weakly mimicking writing with my hand, looking around the room for someone to understand what I’m asking for.

My father grabs the whiteboard at the end of the bed with my medical information on it, wiping it clean and holding it next to me. He uncaps the marker with his teeth and spits it out onto the floor, wrapping my hand around it so that I can write.

“Mina, we are going to pull the tube from you now to make sure that lung is functioning the way that it’s supposed to, okay?” the nurse chimes in as I’m writing.

The doctor comes in, trying to usher my father to the side so he can do what he needs to. I grip my dad’s forearm to signal him to stay in place.

“Please, she’s been asleep for so long, can you just give us a moment?”

I write the last few letters quickly before the doctors get to work, I watch my parents brows furrow at what I’ve written. My father takes the whiteboard out of the room, my mother staying with me for the remainder of the removal of the tube.

Gasping for air, my body is trying to recalibrate to the new surroundings. To reality.

“Where…” my voice is gravely and horse, barely coming out in a whisper.

“Is…” I swallow, trying to build up my strength to say the last word I needed to.

“Y/n?”

Thanks for reading! 🖤🖤🖤🖤

[lemon-russ]

They tried to flea bomb me but I endured. The fleas return.

Thank you as always @squishyowl for the dividers

Part 15/ ???

< previous || next >

Ao3 || Taglist request ||

Cato Sicarius x F!Reader

CW: Mentions of sex, not much going on today

Summary: Cato and Titus have to hitchhike the galaxy, Ambassador is grounded

word count: 1,849

Cato Isn’t sure he actually wants to go home now. Sure, he and Titus are being forced to work together to find a way to get home, and for once at least have a shared dread that is helping them get along. Nothing brings Brothers together like getting in trouble by Dad, it seemed.

But if he goes home, he has to face the consequences. Has the Ambassador explained anything to Guilliman? How much did she tell him? Was he walking into a guillotine? He doesn’t know the penalty for sleeping with a Primarch’s diplomat / assistant / Pet?, but he knows that he also disobeyed his orders, technically hijacked a ship, and went AWOL for two days. AWOL to go bury his face between the legs of a baseline human that he’s starting to think his primarch is treating like a surrogate daughter.

“Maybe you can go on ahead and I’ll catch up.” He says to Titus, who is looking over the ship ports itineraries for a way home. Titus glances over at him with a confused look.

“What? You want to hang back and see if there are any other vulnerable baseline girls for you to defile?” He says with a small snort, turning back to the papers.

Cato presses his lips into a line. “I may be a little reckless, but I’m not unfaithful.” He grumbles, turning to watch ships land and leave.

Titus chuckles tiredly. “That’s the part you have a problem with…?” He mumbles as he turns a page. “Look, I know you’re afraid of what Guilliman is going to do to you, but you don’t get to just hide.” He gives a casual shrug. “If you die, you die. Face it like a man.”

Cato glowers at his battle brother. “Wow. Thanks. Really comforting, Demetrian.”

Titus rolls his eyes. “Don’t call me that. We aren’t first name friendly. And I’m not going to rub your back and tell you it’s going to be ok. You committed like, four crimes. I know I’m not one to go around thumping the Codex at people like Leandros, but even I have a line. Four is a lot of crimes for a week, Sicarius.” Titus says tiredly. “Plus, I still hate you.”

Cato huffed a breath out his nose and crossed his arms. “It was probably only three crimes and maybe a grey area misdemeanor, Titus.” He grumbles.

“Ah, grey areas, we all know how much the Ultramarines love grey areas.” Titus says sarcastically. “I think I found a route we can take to a trade planet, and from there we can probably get a ride home or at least charter one.” He says, closing the stack of pages. “We have about an hour until the ship arrives.”

Cato sighs deeply, slumping his shoulders. “Do you think Lord Guilliman will believe me if I say I had a lapse in sanity? A mental break from over work?”

Titus chuckles. “I think you would be the first Astartes to ever break their programming to do so, so, no. I don’t think he would. I think your only chance is to confess to it all.”

Cato grimaced. But Titus was right. Guilliman valued honesty and taking responsibility. The issue was to be honest meant he would have to admit he had no regrets. He wasn’t ready to apologize and agree to stay away from the Ambassador. He tried staying away from her and it made him lose his mind and steal a ship. Even now, he was anxious that she was out of his sight again.

Was Guilliman being easy on her about this? Likely. He spoils her, and he probably assumed everything was Cato’s fault. Which was absurd- He is the victim here, if anyone. The Ambassador was the one who wanted to talk about feelings after they slept together, and she was the one to kiss him when they got home the first time. She clawed her way into his psyche and cursed him with obsession. Not that he can be mad with her, which is only further proof of her mind games honestly.

“What about you? Aren’t you nervous, or are you too used to getting reprimanded?” Cato asks, following Titus as he leaves the hangar and walks to the lodging areas.

Titus rolls his eyes. “Getting in a scrap with a brother is not a serious offense, especially not when he finds out why I hit you. I think in this case of ‘I was trying to defend the Ambassador from a predator’ I will be okay. You, not so much. But that’s what you get for being a deviant.” He says with a mocking shrug and smirk.

Cato scowls at him. “And I think when I explain you were checking out her ass all day and just are jealous because of some crush you don’t wanna admit, you’ll be in trouble with me.”

Titus grits his teeth. “I am not- you’re insane, you know that? You’re projecting your perversions on me.” He snaps. Cato rolls his eyes as they walk into the lodging area, heading to their rooms to pack. ”Right, well have fun trying to unravel all that. I just know the way you were looking at her in that dress was the same way I was, and only one of us has her permission to do that.” He huffed, heading to his door.

Titus growls a little, then slammed his door behind him. A moment later he flung it back open. “You still have my clothes, too, asshole, and left your dirty ones on my floor.”

Cato laughs a bit. “Sounds like a you problem, Demetrian.” He says as he shuts his door behind him.

Titus lets out an angry huff. “Don’t call me- argh!” He grumbled as he slammed his already splintered door again.

__________________________________________

You stare at your pile of paperwork, pouting a bit and doodling aimlessly on a scrap paper. Things were a little awkward since you returned to the Macragge’s Honour with Guilliman. He knows about you and Cato now, though he has to keep asking you to clarify that yes, it is romantic, like dating, like intimate, and yes you are a willing participant, and noCaptain Sicarius does not have blackmail on you.

He also made you get more head scans, Recalling how Cato was worried you’d bumped your head when you got back from the first mission together. The scans thankfully showed your brain was squeaky clean and, despite what Cato says, full of wrinkles. You even got a copy of the scan to show him when he got back, next time he calls you smooth brained.

None of this comfoted Guilliman though. And now you were grounded. Well, not grounded, but lets be honest. He grounded you. He doesn’t want you to speak to Cato until he does, and in fear of your apparently “erratic and confusing” behavior, you now had new babysitters.

Brother Gallan and Brother Brutus took turns hanging out outside your office door, reporting to Guilliman any time you left the office and where you went. They were specifically not allowed near you quarters though. Embarrassingly, Guilliman would not take your word for it that you don't have some sort of low level psyker effect on his Sons that makes them fall in love with you.

You shudder at the thought. It was a new, previously unknown level of mortification that now your boss is afraid of letting his supermutant soldiers around you too long for fear they will fall for some siren song of yours. He actually locks down your quarters- if you leave, he gets an alert. You’re allowed to go where you like of course, but now he wants to make sure no one is leaving with you, or Emperor forbid returning with you.

You sigh and rub your face. You haven’t gotten any of your work done, because also mortifyingly, you still can’t stop thinking about Cato. Is he ok? Are he and Titus pummeling each other still? How do you get home without imperial ships? You frown and rub your temples.

There’s a knock on your door, and you can tell who it is by the height of the sound. “Come in, sir…” you say tiredly, as Guilliman lets himself in and comes to stand at your desk. He smiles awkwardly down at you.

“Ambassador. How goes your work?” He asks with forced casualness.

You press your lips and move a paper over your doodles. “Uh, fine, sir.” You lie.

Of course he doesn’t actually care how your work is going, so he doesn’t press. “Of course, diligent as always. On another note, I have been… Thinking.”

You frown a bit. “On what, sir…?”

He clears his throat, glancing at the wall. “About… you and Captain Sicarius.” He says. “I think, if I can talk to him- and after he serves punishments for his actions, I can’t let hijacking go- then if he seems sufficiently reasonable and dedicated, and you in turn…” he sighs and gives a resigned frown. “I’ll consider looking the other way on your…. relationship.”

You sit up, eyes widening. “Oh- um, thank you sir” you say with a little surprise. “That would mean a lot to me. I know it is odd but, I do like him a lot.” You add with a small smile.

Guilliman gives a tight frown. “Yes. You’ve made that abundantly clear, Ambassador.” He says with a small sigh. “…I mean… Have you considered Ventris…?”

“Sir!” You gasp, blushing. “Please! Th-this is not just me wanting to hook up with any Astartes-” you stutter.

He lets out a small groan. “Fine, fine. I just thought maybe you could consider your options. I have so many nice, obedient, responsible sons, and you choose Sicarius?”

You frown, crossing your arms, face still pink. “Please, sir, don’t make me explain it in any more detail than we are both comfortable with” You plead.

He sighs a long, deep sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll be heading back to my office then. Just… keep up the good work.” He says tiredly. He starts to the door, looks awkward, then walks back to your desk and pats you on the back. “You… you do a good job, Ambassador.” He says, clearing his throat.

You blink up at him, knitting your brows. “Uh… thank you, sir?”

He clears his throat again. “I did some reading. Some literature suggests that baseline women who do not feel like they receive approval from their patriarchal figures in their life will seek out men who do not value them well-”

“SIR!” You snap, cheeks burning.

He puts his hands up defensivly and returns to the door, “Okay! I’m going.” He chuckles. “I value and appreciate you, Ambassa-”

“LORD GUILLIMAN!” You interrupt with a shout as he chuckles and closes the door behind him.

[actuallyjustabiscuit]

The Fear of Being Forgotten

Ok, it’s time I talk about Pomni.

That’s right I’m doing another character analysis! Really it’s more of an analysis of episode 2 from her perspective, but I have a lot feelings about how they are handling her character so far.

I know we’re only on episode 2 and I don’t want to get ahead of myself so I’m gonna be keeping my speculations about this character to a minimum and focus only on what the show and Gooseworx has given us so far.

So I think everyone and their cat knows by now that Pomni’s name roughly translates to "Remember". Of course the irony being that it’s a name that was randomly given to her in the Pilot to replace the one she doesn’t remember.

So in a very meta sense, Pomni’s name is a joke, one that’s given at her expense.

Now, her entire motivation in the Pilot was centered around escaping this new reality that she suddenly finds herself in. And for the first half she’s kinda in denial, using the “dream” excuse as a flimsy way to rationalize everything, but still remains vigilant in finding a way out of this “dream”. So when Caine asks her what she wants to be called she tells him “I don’t care just pick anything.”, because she’s still convinced that what’s happening to her is reversible in some way. So what does it matter what she’s called in this new fictional place?

But in the end, it dawns on her that she is, in fact, trapped. No waking up, and no getting out. The Circus is her new home. And "Pomni" is now her new name. Whether she likes it or not, this is her life.

It really adds to the identity crisis of these characters that they know who they were but they just don’t know who they are. They don’t have full on amnesia when they enter the Circus, they just lose their identities (their names AND their physical appearance). And since it’s just their names that they completely forgot, that makes this scene

far more eerie.

Because just imagine how weird it is to suddenly find yourself looking at a face that is not yours. You know what you’re supposed to look like but your reflection is not showing that. Brain cannot compute.

(Actually I’m sure there are lots who relate to that specific feeling.)

So we know that these characters cannot “die”. They can get squashed, stretched, stabbed and suffer all other manners of bodily harms via cartoony physics without any lasting consequence because their bodies aren’t real. Their minds are the only part of themselves that is. Which is why Abstraction is the only major threat to be feared in the Circus . It’s the threat, because at that point, they lose what little else is left.

I love the different abstracted designs that fans have come up with, but this makes a lot more sense. You are no longer you when you abstract. And it’s irreparable. A broken mind creating a broken body. Caine, being an A.I., treats the abstracted like they’re just a whoopsie, sweeping them away in his cellar to be ignored. They are no longer considered characters. They’re arguably not human anymore either.

After they abstract, they’re nothing.

So the opening for episode 2 establishes Pomni’s fear of this right out the gate.

She’s not just trapped, she’s in danger of completely losing herself in this place. But this little scene does so much more than that. Because the choice in dialogue here is sooo interesting.

Pomni’s dream/ nightmare interpretation of Ragatha is someone who is mocking her for not being able to handle living in the Circus for more than a single day. Ragatha has managed to at least maintain this facade of cheerfulness, and everyone else has survived for years in spite of it all, yet here Pomni imagines that her mental health is so fragile that she couldn’t even last very long before suffering the same fate as Kaufmo.

And then we have NightmareJax chiming in about how he can’t even be bothered to remember her name, the new fake name that she’s had for only a few hours.

So this tells us two very important things about Pomni already. 1: She has very very little faith in herself and 2: She’s terrified of being completely forgotten. Both pretty reasonable and relatable fears.

Of course, we know this is just a dream cuz Ragatha wouldn’t be this callous. And we see this not a minute later after Pomni wakes up when she personally comes to check up on her immediately the next morning. With none of the quiet awkward tension from the day before, just normal awkwardness because Ragatha is too gay to function still trying too hard to make Pomni feel at home.

Now, I love Ragatha very much. I love her because she’s such a sweet person while being absolutely TERRIBLE about consoling people.

She speaks to Pomni but she doesn’t talk to her about what happened the other day. And this distinction is very important because what happened the other day was awful in many ways for both of them, and one of the first things she says to Pomni is

You can’t do this. You can’t undermine a traumatic event by calling it something like this. Pomni lost her home, her name, and her hopes of escape all in one day. Not to mention she has witnessed someone becoming a monster, getting seriously hurt, and being shoved down a hole with no regards to who they used to be. Nobody has really addressed her directly about all of that until now. And it was all condensed in one silly little word. (I love how this frame shows how Ragatha is fully aware that what she just said was BS)

And when someone tries telling you that what happened wasn’t so bad (when it obviously was) it makes you feel…shitty. More specifically, it makes it look like you were not personally capable of handling the bad thing that happened.

“You’re feeling bad not because the situation was bad, but because you are lesser for letting the situation affect you the way it did”

We already know Pomni thinks very little of herself for believing that abstraction will happen easily for her compared to the others, so hearing this definitely didn’t help.

To Ragatha’s credit, she tries to reassure her that there is no ill will between them by affirming that Pomni’s thought process for abandoning her was “understandable”. But it unfortunately comes off as a little passive aggressive. We know Ragatha is being sincere, because we as the audience have the benefit of hindsight, but Pomni doesn’t. “Understandable” does not mean “acceptable”. Jax’s destructive behavior towards the others and everything else in the Circus is “understandable”.

Abandoning Ragatha a second time after promising to come back to help her was not ok. Did it make sense in the moment, yeah. Was it still kind of a dick move, yup. And Pomni is very well aware of this. So it’s likely she doesn’t 100% believe Ragatha when she says shit like “there’s no hard feelings” nor can she think of her as a friend (yet) because she’s still not ok with her situation. She’s not terrified anymore and she’s past the bargaining phase that there’s still a chance for escape, now she’s just more or less resigned to it (and only after one day which is remarkable).

What also doesn’t help is that for the majority of the episode Ragatha’s attitude comes off as a bit patronizing.

So. Yeah. She wouldn’t appreciate this level of infantilization from someone she had previously dreamed was making fun of her.

What’s sad is that Ragatha’s not acting like this to be deliberately condescending towards Pomni. She really is just this into the adventures.

Bless her heart

Unfortunately, Pomni’s not having any of it because it’s gotta be kinda disheartening to know that your new eternal life just amounts to playing make believe with a bunch of maladjusted adults.

One of my favorite scenes that I haven’t seen a lot of people talk about is this one

Because I caught how she didn’t start looking away all irritated until Ragatha said “some way you could help”. Now I interpreted her reaction in two ways: Either she really doesn’t feel like getting involved in the adventure and is frustrated that Ragatha is still trying to push her to participate or (my personal favorite read on it) she thinks Ragatha is subtly rubbing it in her face how useless she was at trying to help her the day before.

Remember, Pomni actually went to a lot of effort to find Caine before she saw the “Exit” door. We don’t know for sure how long she spent looking for help, but it was a valiant effort on her part to explore the Tent on her own, only to fail at the end. Both at helping and not finding a way to leave.

She is two for two on the girlfailure checklist. And I’d imagine her self esteem would continue to decline with every little reminder that anything she tries to help herself or anyone else is futile.

Which is why her conversation with Gummigoo becomes such a turning point for her. It also shows how much better Pomni is at talking to others by allowing herself to be vulnerable.

She doesn’t try to make what Gummigoo is going through a lesser deal than it is. I also think the purpose of Gummigoo as a character was to be a sort of parallel narrative to Pomni.

The extreme wide shot of them sitting together under the map of his fake world makes them both look so small and inconsequential. And then it pulls back into a full shot of them with Pomni trying to convince Gummigoo that he does have value because he has people that he cares about and that care about him. (It won’t be until the very end where Pomni realizes that she’s in the same position as he is).

Gummigoo makes the argument of why should any of that matter when he, as an NPC, doesn’t have the luxury of having what little he has (his friends and his affection for them) when it will all go away as soon as the adventure ends. He was only designed for a single purpose, and that purpose ends with being forgotten.

Now we already know how Pomni feels about that, so she gives him what she’s been wanting: a way out.

She offers him a chance to be something more than what he was designed to do, where the fear of being forgotten doesn’t have to come into fruition (at least not in the way he would have to worry about)

And then he asks her the very fair question of why does she even bother helping him if he’s not even real, and her answer helps to further establish Pomni’s overall character. It’s not just a short term goal like wanting to find a way out of the Circus, it’s her defining motivation that will encompass her arc for the rest of the series.

Even in the Pilot, she proved to be a compassionate person when she chose to help Ragatha (both in offering her hand the first time and choosing to go back for her later). So I imagine she will start to actively be there for the other cast members once she grows more comfortable with them. Pomni has the benefit of being the newest addition to the Circus so she’s able to look at the others more critically by just passively observing them. Then calling them out on their behavior, not out of malice, but out of altruistic concern. These people have issues, she may not be able to fix them, but she’ll be willing to listen.

(This might be nothing, but a little detail I noticed after Gummigoo agrees to go with her is that she asks him for his name (and it’s also the first time we ever hear it in the episode itself) but he doesn’t ask for hers. In fact, he doesn’t call Pomni by name at all in the episode. Which could have an indication of some serious death flags. Again, I could be wrong about this and I’m giving it way more significance than it deserves. Just a stray thought.)

Anyway, Gummigoo gives Pomni the lead to get them both out and it’s telling how little she believes in herself the way she keeps downplaying her own ideas.

Because up until this point, Pomni has felt rather useless. So in her mind, the chances of something going right for once were slim. That’s why when her plan works as intended and manages to save not just herself but her new friend as well, she visibly starts to feel better. She’s actually smiling, she’s a lot friendlier towards Ragatha, and begins to act like living in the Circus might not be so bad.

…yeah…about that.

I think we are all in agreement that Pomni is a girlfailure. And she is, but not in the way we’ve come to understand it.

What I mean is that Pomni fails. A lot. Not because she’s an anxious mess or due to general incompetence, but because the narrative consistently prevents her from winning.

She tried to get Ragatha help -> Caine was nowhere to be found, abstracted Kaufmo was hot on her trail, and the door shows up to entice her to leave.

She goes through the “Exit” door believing it’s the way out -> She wastes an indeterminate amount of time going through countless doorways that lead to nowhere and is told in the end that the “Exit” was never real.

She tried to get Gummigoo to join the Circus -> Caine obliterates him Thanos style.

That is the face of someone who thought she was doing something right for once, and was abruptly proven wrong. God really said “LOL nope” to this poor woman. (I also love how Pomni’s trauma response is laughter, really leans on the whole jester imagery she has)

That she did, and it amounted to nothing. Pretty on brand for her really.

Yeah, it seemed like Pomni was not gonna catch a break. And once again Ragatha immediately tries to undermine what just happened, with Pomni going back to being paralyzed with shock at the utter insanity she had just witnessed. Homegirl is not ok. And she would have stayed that way if not for Ragatha actually being real for once by inviting her to grieve with them.

The ending of this episode truly caught me off guard.

Not poor Gummigoo’s “death”, that I actually expected, but it was still shocking to see.

No. much like Pomni, I wasn’t expecting the others to actually throw Kaufmo a funeral (and apparently this is a custom that they do regularly, which is bittersweet). And I wouldn’t have blamed Pomni for believing that they don’t really care about each other because all of them saw Kaufmo be thrown into the cellar and then the they all proceed to just eat dinner as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

I’ll be frank here, I didn’t get emotional from that scene because of Kaufmo. He never had a speaking part or even an actual on screen appearance; the man had no character outside of telling bad jokes and that had to be given through exposition, so there was no resonance in his “death”. But that is clearly intentional because they didn’t even bother making the other’s eulogies about him be audible. Pomni has never met Kaufmo, she never knew him, so her attending a funeral for someone she had no real connection with is odd.

And that’s because all Pomni needs and by extension what we need to know is to see that he clearly meant something to the characters we HAVE been spending time with. This funeral was less about mourning Kaufmo and more about putting Pomni’s fears to rest that even if she were to abstract, she would not be forgotten. And even more importantly, these people genuinely do care about each other (Jax is still up in the air, but 4/5 ain’t bad). So if anything could make Pomni more comfortable in her new home, it’s the affirmation that she’s not alone (Hence the title of the theme that closes the episode). So abstraction won’t come as easily as she previously thought.

It’s remarkable that the writers managed to make a FUNERAL feel like we were ending on a high note compared to the dread that the ending of the Episode 1 evokes. And I really like that because everything from the gentle music, to the visuals of everyone being sincerely doleful, to Pomni’s small smile at the end really stresses how this show isn’t trying to be nihilistic with its premise. That Pomni, in spite of everything, is going to be ok.

[fedorasaurus]

DEUS EX SPOILERS

I finally beat the game yesterday! I'm sure you're curious to know what ending I got.

First, let me go over my thoughts about each of the options that were presented (I assume it was only these three):

Morgan's offer -- Spare the base. Join him in leading the world via the Illuminati, which will definitely not be tyrannical.

I don't trust him. Not after seeing what he did to DeBeers (locking him in a cold stasis pod under his house and using him for his knowledge while lying about curing him, taking sole control over the Illuminati in his place). Is that going to be JC's fate, too? Plus, even with JC's compassion, I don't see what good can come of a secret society running the world. Joining the big conspiracy goes against everything JC fought for up to this point. Maybe he can make a change for the better, though?

Tracer's offer -- Destroy the base, activating a massive EMP blast that will disable electronic tech worldwide. Society will be returned to the "dark ages," but from there, everyone will be on equal footing, and we can rebuild to a better, more fair society, where no one government or billionaire can control everyone/everything.

Like JC says, "that sounds overkill." Then again, Tracer's hope and optimism is compelling. It's not that advanced tech would NEVER return, anyway. Now it has the chance to be rebuilt under better circumstances. Maybe this time we can use tech to help people rather than harm them. One thing gives me pause, though: this is a sudden, worldwide change, which most people will not be ready for. A lot of people will be harmed by this at first. Think about it: no hospital equipment, no refrigerators, no phones to contact people in an emergency. I certainly don't know enough about farming to be self-sufficient, nor am I in shape enough for long term physical labor. But, I also think... If forgoing the use of modern technology means, for example, that nukes no longer existed, I think it's worth it.

Helios' offer -- Combine JC with the AI, using his augs and Helios' vast knowledge to control the world.

This sounds scary on the face of it. Trust a machine to handle running the lives of humans? Helios makes a compelling argument, though. It doesn't have ambitions. It's simply programmed to protect people and help the world run smoothly. No emotion or ulterior motives that can be bribed into doing what some wealthy benefactor wants. Though, any fan of System Shock would sweat a little at this, recalling that Shodan was programmed for a similar purpose, and her solution to "protecting people" was to... make it so that there were no more people. Come to think of it, Helios never elaborated on their plan to protect people. A machine built on spy software and internet data, relying on algorithms to make decisions, it's concerning. But combined with JC, maybe it could work. JC would have to do a lot of emotional heavy-lifting, but maybe he can keep the AI in line. We also found out that... people are already kind of okay with Helios opening up the roads and shutting down the criminal organizations. JC does wonder, though, if Helios is trying to learn about people in order to control, not help them.

As a sidenote, Bob sounds like SUCH a jealous lover when he finds out that Helios wants JC and not him. God, hearing the villain lose his shit when he knows he's at a disadvantage is delightful after everything we've endured at his hand. All he can do is sit behind his force field and yell at us. You got got, Bob!

Alright, so, what choice did I make for my first playthrough?

---

Deus Ex handles the endings in an interesting way. There's no obvious "GOOD" or "BAD" ending. Each option has positive and negative consequences, and it's up to the player to decide, based on what they learned and discovered throughout the game, what feels right to them. Even Paul trusts JC to follow his heart, supporting him whatever he chooses (god, I love Paul 😭).

Part of my decision also came from just having a difficult time navigating the Area 51 base. Other folks in Chat had similar experiences, so I'm glad I'm not alone there, but it got to a point where I was mulling two choices around in my mind but ended up committing to one because there was no way I'd be able to find my way back if I changed my mind again (yes, the game gives you maps, but even in real life I struggle without a point of reference of my current location 💀).

Plus, Helios was weirdly pushy. "Yes, you will do this," "You will go there, do that." It was uncomfortable, kind of bossy. JC had an option, but Helios still acted like it was bent on controlling things. Maybe I can chalk it up to the language processing of a machine, though.

The ending I picked on this run, you can probably guess, was the New Dark Age ending. Tracer's hope is something I can really vibe with. His, "Come find us, JC!" got me really emotional, in fact. The game doesn't explicitly show JC escaping and reuniting with his friends, but I believe he does. Something made me second-guess my choice, though: the animals and workers who are still alive on the base. The mechanic who tries desperately to stop JC when he presses the three buttons to start the reaction. I really hope they all had enough time to evacuate. I'm okay sacrificing my own life to save everyone, but taking others down with me feels terrible. It's left ambiguous, though. In fact, the ending only shows JC running from the facility while it crumbles. Did we make the right choice, in the end? Is society going to be okay? It isn't shown. I like that, though. Let the player imagine how the future plays out. We weighed the options and followed our heart, and really, that's all anyone can do.

I believe it all worked out.

I'll get the other endings next week and see if any of them feel more "right," and then we'll see how Invisible War handles the continuation of the story (one thing's for sure: Alex Denton must have escaped somehow 👀)!

[mentat2gh0ul]

I DID IT I WROTE A LITTLE SOMETHING PLEASE GO EASY ON ME THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST A DECADE AND I HAD TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

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"Hah-- y'know, I get ya want to travel in the discretion of the night... but did we really have to go through a fucking swamp? I ain't got a clue where I'm going here but whatever I'm stepping on, ough- I'm sure it's long-dead by the stench of it."

It's has been now a couple months since Hancock had convinced himself to temporarily hang the hat as mayor of Goodneighbor. The scheme put in place by Bobbi no Nose hit him worse than a chem withdrawal-- well, no, not really, but it left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and a realization: he had to get out there. The thought hadn't crossed him before the drifter's gambit but now it dawned on him that, perhaps, the view from his balcony up above was getting too cozy and, consequently, felt like he was losing touch of what reality is out there in the Commonwealth.

Luckily for him, every cloud has a silver lining and in his case, it came at his doorstep in the form of a vault dweller with a lot of baggage on their shoulders. In an apocalyptic world such as this everybody got their problems, but the way they handled their own caught his eye so much so that he decided to join them in their singular quest without too many questions being asked.

So here he was, squelching his boots sluggishly through the mud to keep pace with them whilst the fetor of death overwhelmed whatever sense of smell he still had; however the vault dweller, within the safety of their bulky power armor, managed to advance with ease through the sludge and make a path for him to follow; the only light in the darkness of the night being the bright yellow beam from their helmet as they scoured their surroundings. They didn't seem to be the talkative type but Hancock appeared unbothered by it, as their actions spoke more to him than anything else... how rare it is for one to understand the way of the world and still behave human? The ghoul pondered; a glimmer sparked in the dark voids that were his eyes, contemplating the sole survivor's imposing frame which stood before him. It suddenly felt like a knot tightened in his throat which gave him the urge to swallow, a warmth then stirred from his gut and flooded through him making the grip his hands had on his trusty shotgun unsteady. These unfamiliar feelings and racing thoughts overwhelmed him to the point to make his stride teeter...

Crack

And with that sound, he felt the pull of reality yanking him back in. His gaze darted downward and there he saw it: the cracked shell of a Mirelurk egg right beneath his sole accompanied by a pair eggs which sat unharmed right beside. "Shit--" he cursed under his breath as if it could prevent, although helplessy, what immediately followed; two hatchlings bursted out of their spawn to attack but, despite Hancock's momentary unreadiness, he quickly came to his senses and all he needed was to pull the trigger twice to make the newborn crustaceans fly into pieces; the sole survivor had just the time to turn and point their gun before everything was already over.

"Don't ya worry, I'm good." The ghoul reassured them with a confident smirk on his lips, before his attention turned downward to wipe the Mirelurk gunk that stained his trousers with a slight disgust on his face. "Ah-- fucking crabs... well, guess it ain't the first time I've had dealt with those." He chuckled briefly after he spoke, confirming his innuendo to the sole survivor which in response stared at their companion silently; the blank expression of their helmet didn't quite let on what they were thinking but Hancock could tell that they must have playfully rolled their eyes at his comment- I mean, c'mon that was chuckle worthy or so he thought to himself. Their playful stare short lived though due to something having caught the quiet one's attention; the horizon now have tinged itself in an orange glow and the warmth of the sun begun to rise through... it was finally dawn.

The light peeking through the skyline reached his scarred skin like a comforting carress; even with all the uncertainties this fucked up land were to offer, at the very least, the sun always rose everyday... and ain't that reassuring enough? He gave a glance at his towering companion as they seemed drawn by something such as simple as the rising of the sun and wondering if they too thought the same as him- but then, a twinkle from below stopped his thought in its tracks. Hancock's eyes slowly drifted downward and it was like well placed left hook hit him in the gut: it was his reflection.

As the sky begun to turn brighter, it became even more clearer despite the filthy water which funcioned as mirror laid beneath him. His reflection stared right at him the same way he stared right at it... in aversion. Now, he didn't regret it one bit. He have had the trip of his life and the near-immortality was more than appreciated but, he couldn't deny what he had done to himself. It was never a constant thought in his head but every time, even if few, that he was reminded of it, it made his heart sink in his chest... he was now a face he could recognize and call his own but not one he would ever grow fully accustomed to. A pained expression grew on his features as he silently mantained eye contact with his mirrored image, his teeth clenched slightly behind his lips.

Ain't quite the handsome devil I used to be, huh?

And just before his self-deprecating could continue, something in his periferal snapped him out of it and turned his attention to it. The sight that stood before him made the ghoul's eyes widen subtly in surprise as his breath got caught in his throat; it was his quiet traveling companion with now their helmet held under their arm and their unroughed visage exposed to the polluted air- they seemed to be simply scrutinizing the environment ahead of them for a possible way foward. Hancock had seen their face before but now, with their smooth skin shaded by the tangerine colored sunlight, it stirred an foreign feeling from his very heart as he admired them utterly mesmerized by their apperance... they looked like the people on those old, tattered pre-war posters you would often find still hang up because, despite being so unfamiliar to the common folk today, it would still somewhat bring a sense of bittersweet nostalgia... even if unaware of what it truly was like back then. The vault dweller held a beauty from a world long gone- well kept, tidy and confident aura about them with just a pinch of glee but, unlike the world, they have been untouched by the destruction of the bombs that fell... they were right in front of him in the flesh... wondering if-- maybe... if he...

Before his mind could take him to unknown places, the reflection of him that laid on the puddle beneath his boots was like a smack right across the face and made it all dawn down on him. His gaze softened at the discomfort from the sight of his disfigured face as a small smile ached on his lips.

Nah, what the hell were you even thinkin'? No one would wanna wake up to this ugly mug every morning... fuck- wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not them.

His head sunk between his shoulders as he condemned himself through his inner monologue. Through his ghoulification he killed a part of himself he desperately wanted to run away from... and for that, he had no regret but through the same process he lost something he will never get back- the possibility to find a sense of belonging with someone which, admittedly, didn't give a thought about before meeting them... before this almost fated encounter with the sole survivor there was no one that awakened such thoughts in him and now, with it within his reach, he couldn't grasp it-- and never will, he remarked in his mind.

Before his self-hate could consume him whole where he stood, he heard the feeble sounds of his quiet companion placing the helmet back on their head; he looked over to them and they looked right back causing him to questioningly raise his brow. The vault dweller said nothing but with a small nodding of their head to the side they seemed to suggest to him that this is the way they will head towards now. The ghoul in response nodded in agreement to their request.

"Yeah, gotcha-- right behind ya, partner."

And with that, their stride towards their destination reccomenced. Hancock left behind him his denigrative thoughts as he walked, stepping on the same puddle that mirrored his reflection in the process. Despite his self-depreciative nature, he was quick to get back on his feet because in the big scheme of things it did NOT matter how he felt and what he felt-- he was but a speck in vastity of chaos in the wasteland and if with their help he could do something good, really good then... I guess it's worth the heartache.

[blue-slxt]

FWB

*Request: maybe some idea for u : feisty humain!reader having mood swings w her best friend (Loak or Neteyam) because she is in her ovulating week and he teases her until making her tell him why she is acting weird like that today. then he asks her to explain the "symptoms" and she says that she want to fuck more and that she’s more attracted to people during this time and he asks if it’s applied to him too & u already know the end of it🤭🤭 hope u can take something from it, xo 😘*

Okay, so this is my first human!reader fic so go easy on me 😅 I might redo this one in the future with Neteyam because I’m curious about how much different it would turn out if I wrote for him instead. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one 🤗 All characters are aged up.

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

Smut under the cut.

Pandora was beautiful. Even though you had to admire its beauty through the shield of your mask, it still left you breathless every day. Looking out at the bioluminescent flora and fauna every night through your bedroom window was unlike anything you had ever seen on Earth. You wanted to be out in it every day. But today you were hit with a painful reminder that you were human.

You jumped out of your sleep drenched in sweat. What were you dreaming about? You couldn’t fully remember. The memory came in flashes and blurs. Moans, smacks, and heat is all you’re able to really make out before you lose the visual. You suck in a sharp breath feeling a dull ache in your breasts. You cautiously press on one trying to figure out what was causing the pain. You find nothing and brush it off as a consequence of sleeping on your stomach. When you make your way to your bathroom to get ready for the day, you strip off your sleep clothes and notice a giant wet spot on your panties. That’s weird. And then it hits you. You check your app on your phone and realize what week it is. You’re ovulating. You roll your eyes and make a mental note to plug in your toys before you leave your room.

After a shower and brushing your teeth, you go join everyone for breakfast. While you’re fixing your coffee, a familiar voice enters the lab. Everybody greets Lo’ak as he walks through the cafeteria over to you. “Hey, I found this awesome lake with a cliff that’s perfect for diving. We’ve gotta check it out!” he’s oozing enthusiasm and excitement and it’s adorable. All of a sudden, it feels like there’s a throbbing between your legs.

“Sounds cool, Lo’ak. Maybe another day though.” You say about to walk away, but he blocks your path.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve already been waiting for like 2 days because of training. We’ve gotta go now.” “I’m not in the mood Lo’ak.” Your irritation is growing. You loved Lo’ak. He was your absolute best friend, but he was persistent. And while that could be endearing in certain circumstances, it could also be kind of a nuisance. Right now, you really just needed to get back to your room and take care of your little problem.

“What’s up with you today? I thought you’d be dying to go.” He’s starting to get a little concerned looking at your face. “Your face is getting red.”

You can’t handle the way he’s looking at you right now, “Nothing is ‘up’ with me Lo’ak so will you drop it please?” you push past him and continue down the hall to your room.

Lo’ak follows right behind you though. “I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me what’s wrong.” You roll your eyes as he follows you into your room. “What? Somebody eat the last of your snacks or something?”

You huff out a big sigh and set your coffee on your desk. “If you really must know, I’m ovulating.”

His face screws in confusion. “Okay…What does that mean? Is that a human thing?”

Right. You and Lo’ak are so close that sometimes you forget he is actually an alien. “How do I explain it….it’s like when a na’vi woman goes into heat, but for humans we also can get bloated and moody and crampy and a whole bunch of other stuff. You follow?” you do your best to try and explain to him and his eyes jump around while he’s trying to make the connections in his mind. ”So you’re in a bad mood because you’re in heat?” he does his best to try and make sense of your situation.

“Basically, yeah.”

“So how do you make it better?” he crosses his legs making himself comfortable on your bed like he often did.

“There’s not really a way to make it better. I kind of have to just ride it out. Unless, I got pregnant, but it’s not like that’s gonna be happening anytime soon. But I’m irritated because I’m insanely horny and I can’t really get any relief.”  You brush your hair to the side with your fingers trying to soothe yourself and Lo’ak watches your hair brush over your neck and expose your shoulders.

“Well, what if I helped you out?” he asks casually.

Your body freezes in place. “Lo’ak I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“That’s why you’re not asking, I’m offering. I mean what kind of friend would I be if I knew I could help you out and I did nothing?” Lo’ak had always kind of had a thing for you. You were his closest friend and he found a comforting familiarity in you that he didn’t feel with other na’vi thanks to his slightly more human traits.

You think about his offer for a split second before snapping back to your senses. “How would that even work? I think you forget that you’re like 8 feet tall. You would quite literally split me in half.”

He chuckles knowing that you’re not wrong. “Just lay down and let me handle it.”

You’re skeptical. “What are you going to do?”

“Just lay down. You trust me, right?” You slowly make your way over to your bed next to him. “Yeah…”

“Okay then. So don’t be so uptight.” You lay back and let your eyes scan the ceiling of your room. Your breathing gets faster when you feel Lo’ak hook his fingers in the waist band of your shorts and panties and slide them down your legs. You close your eyes trying not to focus on the fact that your best friend was now staring down your exposed cunt.

This is crossing so many lines, but your mood would only get worse if you were to stop now. Work yourself up just to rip away your chance at real relief? You weren’t in the mood for edging today. There was no turning back now.

Meanwhile Lo’ak is wide-eyed as he stares at your body. He’d never tell you this, but he had imagined you exactly like this countless times. When he’d come to see you and you’d be dressed in barely-there comfy clothes, when you’d bend over to pick something up, when the front of your shirt would fall a little lower than it should and he would catch a peek at your cleavage. The restraint he had to hold on to was legendary. And now here he was licking his lips greedily as he almost gets stuck just staring at your form that squirmed with anticipation and nerves.

He lowers his head between your thighs and carefully swipes his tongue against your throbbing clit. Your whole body jolts from the feeling and a small moan escapes. Lo’ak’s ears flick in your direction and he’s now painfully aware of how hard he is right now. He continues lapping at your soaked entrance closing his eyes to savor the sweet taste on his tongue. He groans against your heat and the vibrations make your hips grind against his face. “Mmf…Fuck…Lo’ak!” your voice comes out in a breathy whine.

One of his fingers teases at your entrance before he slowly slides it inside of you. His finger is huge stretching you deliciously. You look down at his face and he’s already watching you. The eye contact makes you lose it. “Yes! Yes Lo’ak! Right there! Oh, fuck you’re gonna make me cum right there!”

“Shit, so fucking tight. Cum for me.” He says between sucking on your clit. It’s too much. The way his finger curls up to press against the spongey part inside your walls and the sound of him French kissing your cunt sends you over the edge. Your body shakes violently and your walls squeeze around his finger. Your head falls back while you reach your peak and subsequently come down.

Lo’ak reluctantly pulls his mouth off of you and pulls his finger out of you and watches your chest rise and fall rapidly while you regain your composure. He tries to position himself so that he can hide his bulge not wanting to let on just how badly he wanted to fuck you dumb right now.

“Feel better?”

You lazily nod your head at him.

“Good. So can we go diving now?” he tries to lighten the mood before any kind of conversation can follow what just happens. You’re not really ready to talk about it yet either.

“Alright, let’s go.”

He jumps up in excitement and you get dressed and find your mask.

“Thanks, Lo’ak.” Even if you weren’t really ready to talk about it yet, you still felt like you should at least thank him.

“Trust me, it was my pleasure.” He shoots you a playful wink before walking off.

[songofthesibyl]

There’s a lot of Lucien in my upcoming fics so he’s been on my mind and I need to rant about him.

The books/some of the fandom portray him as this feckless coward (past book one anyway), when there is absolutely no evidence for it; rather, the marks on him—his face and back—forever reveal what he is willing to do for the ones he loves (much sexier in that sense than tattoos) . He stood up to Amarantha—more than once—regardless of any consequences. So we know he’s not a coward. And despite the general consensus, Tamlin is not worse than Amarantha. But he and Tamlin are old friends, and one imagines it was probably difficult to see Tamlin losing it the way he did, and choosing Ianthe over him, etc. But there were plenty of times he stood up for Feyre, when she knew Lucien was being subjected to the same rage. 

So then we look at the IC. There’s obviously the pregnancy arc, but—

Particularly before she was reborn, Amren was an exception. But now she pretty much agrees with whatever Rhysand does.

Mor was upset at Keir and his army being given access to Velaris. Rhys felt a little bad. But did anything come of it? Was she able to rescind the order? No. Because he’s High Lord, and his word is law.

In the bonus chapter, Azriel is surprised Rhys is pulling rank. He pushes back, but Rhys is firm. When Azriel continues mouthing off, Rhys threatens him. And though he grumbles, Azriel backs down, and obeys.

And what did Cassian do, when Rhys lost it and threatened Nesta’s life? Did he know, in his point of view, that Rhys was just blowing off steam? Or did he take him seriously? Did he yell that Rhys was out of line, how dare he threaten the life of the woman he loved, that his fear was no excuse? No. He obeyed, taking Nesta out of the city. 

So Lucien only did so much, but eventually backed down. If Rhys kept the energy he had when he threatened Nesta every day, for weeks, are we to believe his Inner Circle would be able to handle it well all the time? That they wouldn’t make missteps, even excuses? Because even when they are hurt by Rhys, or see he is acting “out of character,” and they all make up later—in the end, they do what he says. (And this isn’t about “well Rhys was in the right though”—it’s about what friends of a High Lord do when they are in disagreement with him.)

And then, you know, the pregnancy thing.

So what would they have done differently in Lucien’s position? Nothing.

But of course there is no introspection, or maturity, or self-awareness, and so they hold out Elain like a carrot on a stick, they allow him to work for them and are snide with him every chance they get, they mock Jurian and Vassa as if that meeting between the humans and fae never happened, they call the Band of Exiles bullshit while they have their Inner Circle Jerk, they send every person with any connection to Feyre to the Spring Court as if not knowing it will set off Tamlin when his Court borders the human lands; or not caring. Knowing Beron wants to kill/hurt Tamlin and take his lands, the only home Lucien knew for hundreds of years. Stationing Lucien there to take the brunt of it.

The don’t have like him, or feel comfortable around him. But if they don’t, and aren’t, they should just say so, and grow up, and move on with their lives.

[eldritch-spouse]

I needs more Cleric _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

What them tendrils do~ 

As the Cleric’s human can we convince them to mess with the rest of the Clergy staff? (When Krulu and Admin are away visiting Miara or something and before the doors open) 

Move things around, create random objects to trip others, lock all the doors, the floor is lava, etc etc 

While everyone is in the break room, before opening time, we drop a disco ball from the ceiling and play Never Gonna Give You Up on loop for the next hour (heard all over the building - you can’t escape it) 

[Those are strings actually. They can be used to restrain you, yes, but the Cleric doesn't pick up on any possible sexual uses until they see your reaction to being tied up.]

The Cleric is hard to make budge. At least initially so. They've been very well and thoroughly programmed to keep order around the establishment (well, keep the sort of chaotic order it features, more accurately). This means that any request worded in a way where it understands you just want to mess with workers and clients for no reason is blatantly rejected via ignoring your words entirely. You have to be a little smarter, and unfortunately, you can't fool them too many times- The Cleric will start losing what little trust they have in you so far.

The more time you spend around this creation, the more it learns to behave like a person, as you know. It'll learn to express itself in a more comprehensible way, and with expression comes also the ability to interact more properly, experience reactions with brand new contexts added onto them- Contexts it can now interpret in a social manner.

Thus, it discovers humor.

And by God, everything is so fucking funny to the Cleric.

Yeah sure, they can make the chandelier drop right on Vinnel's head while he performs, that's very funny, you're so smart!

Oh you want them to make Morell's knives constantly pop up in different areas of the kitchen? Done.

Should it trick Grimbly into dashing face first into a new wall?

Hey hey- Look! They're going to melt the floor on Patches' lab. Haha, look at him trying to crawl the walls.

The two of you giggle and howl in laughter as Santi is jostled like a milkshake inside the practically dancing elevator, groaning with each hit against hard metal.

Fank-e has been Rick rolled ten times in a single day and he's frying his circuits in frustration. You could probably cook an egg on him.

Since the Cleric knows no limits, things can escalate to legitimately worrying proportions if you enable it, so be careful. Rest assured there will be consequences...

Admin gets several concerning messages while away, consisting of all her employees complaining about the building becoming unstable and harmful, inoperable. Her and Krulu might have to make an early return.

And really, while the Cleric confusedly but immediately allows itself to be punished- You're probably better off trying to haul ass outside.

[vintageseawitch]

i'm tired of evil winning so much. it doesn't matter some good things could happen; evil will be there in no time to destroy any decent progress. i'm tired of being terrified i'll lose my rights. i'm tired of being powerless about this & not being able to help others across the globe who have already lost their rights. i'm tired of how useless the UN actually is. i'm tired of the US being a global superhero by being murderous bullies. i'm tired of fascism rising again. i'm tired of WWII being romanticized but now people think that little Austrian artist with the even smaller mustache had some good ideas actually. i'm tired of human rights violations happening & there are zero consequences for it. i'm tired that the majority of humanity as well as currently living flora & fauna will have to pay the price for the greediness of the few. i'm tired of always hearing about a countdown to when we can never reverse climate change while those who are actually the major problem - the US military, big oil, & others - are able to get away with this. i'm tired of the bloated military industrial complex. i'm tired of having less rights than literal corpses. i'm tired of useless CEOs. i'm tired of billionaires. i'm tired of people thinking billionaires are geniuses instead of actually greedy sociopaths who will happily pay you nothing if they could get away with it. i'm tired of people thinking our government wouldn't do that when they actually totally would & have already done it in some capacity. i'm tired of "voting for the lesser of two evils." i'm tired of old, out of touch people being in charge. i'm tired of people being proud of their willful ignorance. i'm tired of the white-washing of history. i'm tired of people not giving a fuck about the environment. i'm tired of people not being able to afford homes when there are more empty houses than there are homeless people. i'm tired of workers labor being exploited so they get paid a time while their bosses get a dollar. i'm tired of learning my generation & younger are the most educated but the most overworked. i'm tired of older generations who had so much handed to them want to make sure someone else doesn't get the same because lead poisoning have made them into sociopathic cowards who refuse to see the truth & will vote against their own interest just to fuck over people they fear & misunderstand. i'm tired of people claiming protesting against genocide means you're antisemitic & should be silenced. i'm tired of book banning/burning. i'm tired of xenophobia when so many of us are descended from illegal immigrants. i'm tired of men still getting upset over a hypothetical question instead of doing some self-reflection. i'm tired of the patriarchy, rampant misogyny, & toxic masculinity. i'm tired of men not thinking anger counts as an emotion. i'm tired of rapists getting away with their crimes because "what about their future" & "what was she wearing" when it's actually not about sex but power instead. i'm tired of "not all men" to silence legitimate points. i'm tired of people who make false claims of being raped not facing any consequences so it's harder for real victims to come forward. i'm tired of being so afraid of being assaulted & getting pregnant with my rapists baby that i took my state of fertility in my own hands because i'm afraid of my government even as my obgyn said not to worry. i'm tired of the christofascist movement that is gaining momentum. i'm tired of project 2025 being a real possibility & people claiming "they wouldn't do that." i'm tired of how openly fascist conservatives are now. i'm tired of people drinking that kool-aid so hard. i'm tired of the bootlicking. i'm tired of cops & their undeserved diplomatic immunity so they can literally commit murder & get away with it. i'm so. fucking. tired. this country is hell & has helped make the world hell. america has never been great. it's just super effective propaganda & brainwashing that has been wildly successful.

i just want hope that doesn't feel delusional. i don't want to give up but i'm so tired.

[love-toxin]

Curious question: How would Bully!Eddie treat their kid? Would it he be nice and sweet for their daughter? Would he be a bad influence on their son (kind a passing the torch to bully a girl he likes just like he did with reader)?

/evil dances

(cws: bully!eddie, mentions of violence (not domestic), cursing, overprotective eddie, a lot of parenting talk.)

bully!Eddie's daughter is absolutely spoiled. he falls in love with her the first second he holds her, he buckles when he hears those gurgles and his heart shatters when he sees her face scrunching up just before she cries. it's kinda like falling in love with you all over again, (by then it's obvious he's completely head over heels) because she looks just like you, her smile and her skin and her laugh, and Eddie has this deep urge to just protect both of you. he knows exactly how brutal the world can get, hell, he's seen that fear in your eyes when he tormented you throughout school. so his little princess not only gets whatever she damn pleases that he can afford (and so do you, cause holy fuck that epidural was huge and pushing that baby out was fucking metal) but he's also overprotective to the max, keeping his girls close at all times and often making threats to anyone that wants to hurt you that he'll bash their fucking skull in with a wrench if they step foot in your direction.

with his son, however, the mistakes Eddie's gonna make have worse consequences than if he turns his daughter into a spoiled daddy's girl. Eddie's got a loooot of that toxic masculinity ingrained in him, and even when he's conscious of it, there's a lot of passive toxicity that he doesn't even notice he's spreading until it slaps him in the face. Wayne gets called much more for advice when he has a son, because Eddie knows that he's a good guy unlike himself, and his uncle can usually steer him in the right direction or correct his behavior or language so he doesn't teach it to his son. he's gotta be a lot more careful with how treats you, too--obviously he still babies you like a princess just as he would after you birthed him a daughter, cause he's still in awe that you went through that whole pregnancy and delivery and you can still manage to smile at him. if it were him, he'd probably be throttling himself in his sleep.

and he'll be pretty proud of himself--he's way better than his dad, and he's certain he's on the right path to showing his son how to defend himself and stand up for himself, while also showing respect and being kind. seeing his mini-him rise where he fell, and not having to work so hard towards being a decent human being when he's older. but there'll come a day where you're serving dinner, and your son will be fussy with eating his vegetables, and with little fists clenched in frustration at being told to eat what's on his plate, the five-year-old will stand up on his seat and tell you you're a bitch.

and you'll be shocked to hear that word from his mouth, upset at how angry he sounds, and terrified that this is all gonna be the end. that Eddie's gonna lose his cool for the first time in years now, or he's gonna let it slide and tell you to get over it, or somehow encourage it. you're not even half a sob into crying, though, when Eddie puts his hands on your son--not to teach him a lesson like he was with a belt, but to pick him up and carry him to the chair in the corner.

"we do not use that language in this house, and you will not speak to your mother that way. I never want to hear you say that to a girl ever again."

he growls through gritted teeth, ignoring the kicking and screaming of a tantrum as he walks away, and only gives him a lick of attention if he gets up, in which Eddie swiftly picks him up and sits him back in the time-out chair. but in the meantime, he walks over to you with a gentle hand on your shoulder, and takes you into his arms to hold you as you cry. and it all defuses pretty quickly after that--cause your son isn't a bad kid at all, he's a bleeding heart if anything, and soon he's crying and saying sorry when he calms down enough to hear you crying. it's a little cathartic for Eddie, though. the conversation he has with his little man once everything's cooled off--how he spells out why he got in trouble, why it's not okay to lash out when we're angry, and that we have to protect the ones we love especially the women in our life--Eddie really gets a good grasp on his own behavior once that's done, and probably decides to drop one of those nasty habits he still has; smoking, or drinking, or cussing. cause he doesn't wanna raise his son the wrong way and have to protect you from him one day--and all the same, he doesn't want his sweet boy to grow up and have to protect you from Eddie, not anymore. you deserve a lot better than that, and so does your sweet, kind mama's boy, who he hopefully can give a sister to when you're ready to make your family a little bigger.

[cult-of-the-eye]

( this is on the post of the list of The Fears from scariest to least scary)

please tell me your thoughts about The Fears

1. To me the corruption is the scariest cause wdym there's something inside me slowly rotting me inside to out and there's nothing I can do about it apart from let it take me and it hurts and there's no known cure (btw I am deathly afraid of getting cancer)

2. Flesh isn't as scary as corruption cause like it could be removed from the idea of life, we used to go to the Bangladeshi butchers and watch then cut slabs of frozen fish using their huge machines and shit but also gore and body horror kinda terrifies me, it goes hand in hand with medical horror, like someone's been sliced in half and you realise just how fragile human life is, how at the end we're just organs that are pumping blood and moving chemicals around.

3. Slaughter is less scary than the others cause it could be comforting being killed as a collective but also the theme of death continues, the idea of masses of bodies is so very human in it's causes and consequences and doesn't feel so fictional

4. Buried is less scary than the others cause it's less about death but listen. my entire life I've been terrified that I'm just gonna get stuck somewhere. Like I once couldn't get a churi (bracelet) off my wrist and I got so panicked I just smashed my wrist against a wall to break it off. So yah.

5. The stranger is less scary than the buried cause I could run away from the stranger but the idea that this person I know is not at all who I thought they were is bone chilling. It feels like betrayal at its core.

6. Dark is less scary than the stranger cause over the years I've gotten slightly less scared of the dark but I've gotten more scared of people not being who I thought they were. The dark is comforting, it's a sensory neutral and a life saver on some days. Other days i sprint up the stairs cause I'm scared the murderers hiding in the cupboards will stab me.

7. Mmm now that I think about it I'd probably put web a little higher cause I despise the idea of being manipulated, like don't fucking do that to me, if you want something just fucking ask. But maybe I was right to put it here cause it mostly just makes me irritated than scared.

8. This is the mm kinda chill territory I think cause spiral is just how I spend my life, my brain is not a fun place to be so yeah I'd enjoy being the incarnation of indescribable for the rest of my existence but also the idea of losing my control over myself is a little scary despite my having so much experience in it

9. The eye is ok, I feel some comfort in being watched over, never been left alone, constantly needing information like I get it, I was an autistic 7 year old gorging myself on horrible histories once. But also like if eyes started growing on me I'd start screaming and never stop but I think that's more body horror than beholding

10. The vast is so fucking comforting like the idea that I could just be inconsequential in the face of everything, I could maybe just relax and float in the nothingness for a while. But then also I'm scared of drowning so like I'm bringing arm bands

11. Everything ends. I'm good with consistency and the idea that everything ends makes me feel like there's something to keep going for. I'm not good with endings but what comes after, I am extremely skilled at.

12. I adore the desolation. Oh how I've fantasised about giving it all up, watching it burn before me, the cruel satisfaction in it. I like how quiet everything is after it's been destroyed. A clean slate.

13. Yeah so I have re occurring dreams about being hunted. I think it's half the idea about being wanted enough for someone to pursue me if I run but also the comfort of survival mode. The comfort of knowing the fight won't ever end.

14. The lonely. Oh man. Let's just say I'm on 40mg of fluoxetine for a reason.

[pumpkinsouppe]

I love how different I treat OOT link vs taol link in my head

OOT link is a tragic character in OOT yes, but his story from Majora’s mask onward is not a tragedy. He relearns what it’s like to love and to live despite the pain and terrors. He is the ultimate symbol of hope and learning to cope with one’s own grief, to forge a bright future despite the past. Yes, maybe if link stayed in the future world of OOT instead of returning to the past he would have found more tragedy or even death, but his story in Majora’s mask is one of the most hopeful stories any link has faced. The damn game ends with a wedding!! The game symbolizes and cherishes love and happiness more than anything, link is NOT a tragic character during or post Majora’s mask.

TAOL Link is the ultimate tragic character in my eyes. Yes we get very little of his story since the games are very old but I would argue that the world tloz/TAOL link lives in is even more apocalyptic than botw/totk. You start as a child in the middle of nowhere, a sword thrust upon you and a destiny you’re forced to follow to save a strange princess from a monstrous pig. Myself and others even theorize monsters originally burned down link’s village and people and that’s how he ended up where he is at the start of the first game, from fleeing that horror. By the time of TAOL, he’s around 16/17 now so 6-7 years older than in the original tloz. He has been in possession of two pieces of the triforce all that time and is forced to find the third to prevent the resurrection of the same monstrous pig. Now this takes context from other games but if you’re familiar with Ganondorf from OOT, you know that his possession of the triforce of power for 7 years has physically altered his appearance. I personally view it as the triforce of power is physically altering him to look similar to the goddesses, more animalistic than human (even if it’s only been a slight alteration between the past and future). TAOL Link has had both the triforce of power AND wisdom in his possession since he was 10… who knows how that has changed not only his body but his mind. With his possession of the triforce of courage by the end of the game, who knows how that will affect his soul too. Most often when link has had the triforce of courage for long periods of time, he loses any sort of fear or care for himself. Albw is a great example of how his sacrificial desire to protect others can cause more harm than good, the same reason why link died in botw (even though I have more thoughts on that). Taol link, a child by all rights, thrust into a terrible world to protect two different princesses, and slowly turning into the perfect puppet of the goddesses. The triforce gives you the power to grant any wish you want, but what if the cost is losing your own free will the longer you have them? Link is harboring the triforce to prevent a resurrection and further ruin, surely that doesn’t come without consequences. OOT link was able to break free from his fate and was forced to confront his greatest fear: himself. The cycle of never ending grief… was broken. However similar to OOT link, TAOL link also had to confront himself. But it wasn’t to confront his trauma and fears, it was a test specifically designed by the former king and the goddesses. A perfectly designed test to prove to the goddesses that he is the perfect puppet and harborer of the triforce: dark link. I think shadow link is a more apt term because dark link is not an evil version of link, dark link is the manifestation and mirror of all of link’s strengths, fears, kills, deaths, and courage. He is a perfect puppet of link just minus his weaknesses, the link the goddesses want him to be. So TAOL link doesn’t confront himself to conquer his grief and fears, he confronts himself to fully submit to the triforce and the goddesses and the kingdom. He is the link who has fully fallen victim to the triforce and may never be himself ever again.

So all that to say, I will defend OOT/mm to my death bed about how link’s story is not a tragic one. And I will argue to that same death bed about how tloz/taol link’s story is.