#and now that he's gone Chosen has no one because he never tried to connect to anyone else either

[inksandpensblog]

And there's so many other ways it could go, besides the ones I've hypothesized here. So many factors that would influence the new course taken.

Also things like. Not even what they try to change or not-change, but what actually changes? How much do they alter the course of events before it's deviated so much from what they remember that they're in completely uncharted territory and it can't even be called the same story anymore? What remains constant, no matter how many other things change, and what significance is there in its consistency?

And how do they perceive the changes?

How do they cope with the fact that, no matter what changes, even if it's all the right changes, they'll always know what happened the first time? How do they deal with that, once they've gotten the perfect ending they wanted?

You know those fanfics where one of the characters gets sent back in time to an earlier point in the story and they get a chance to redo it all? I'm imagining that premise with the sticks.

There are so many factors to consider. Who goes back? When do they go back to? How far did their story get before they went back? Is it only one of them? What do they try to change? What do they try to preserve?

Imagine Rocket-era Victim finding himself back at the beginning. He knows better, now. He doesn't waste time throwing things and messing with tools. He goes right to the item library and clones himself again and again and again until the window is filled with his copies. Every copy gets a weapon, the close button is guarded, everyone's settings are raised as high as possible, and in laughably little time the cursor is destroyed. Noogai can do nothing to him now. But then again, this Noogai has barely done anything to him at all. But does that really matter to Victim, in the end?

Imagine Chosen, just after The Showdown, finding himself back on the computer on the fateful day of his escape. He remembers what happened, he goes through the motions until the cursor is pinned under his hand, clicking him free. But this time he doesn't blow up or run amok. This time he simply lands on his feet and stares out through the screen, for a moment. Until the cursor moves, at which point he immediately makes for the broadband icon and tears through it, diving in before he can stop himself. He wanders alone for a time, revisiting sites that once looked familiar, though this is the first time he's really gotten a good look at them when they're not covered in ash, and he doesn't make any friends but he doesn't make any enemies either, and the world is nicer when it isn't filled with screams. Eventually he retires from his aimless sojourn, settling down in a familiar grassy plain, where he spends his days enjoying the gentle breeze and watching the sky change colors and gobbling up sweets from a bakery that doesn't have his face plastered all over its doors and trying to forget the enormity of the absence by his side and never ever thinking about the fact that he's the only one with memories of a person who will never exist.

Imagine Blue, jumping into a nether portal with Yellow as gravity reverses and nether blocks rise, and finding himself in the nether for the first time with Green. This time, he pretends not to notice Purple when they're about to return to the desktop.

Imagine King, dissolving to particles in the cataclysmic beam of the staff, arms still reaching for the already-disintegrated form of Purple, and suddenly finding himself walking home from the playground with a small golden hand in his.

Imagine Purple, elytra discarded, running through a nether portal in despair, only to emerge on the Mac, wearing outdated elytra, with the dragon egg in hand.

So many possibilities.

[uracutieraka]

Do I Wanna Know?

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Oh, crawlin' back to you

Ever thought of callin' when you've had a few? (Goes both ways)

'Cause I always do

Maybe I'm too (Sorta hopin' that you'd stay)

Busy bein' yours to fall for somebody new (Goes both ways)

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Lev Haiba x F!reader

Tw: Angst! Mentions of sex! FWB to lovers!

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Synopsis; You and lev connected through mutual friends one night at a party back in high school. Eventually you gained some traction on the popular website 'Tumblr' and Lev becomes a model. After a few years of him running to you whenever he's home , you finally call it quits.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

If you could tell your 17 year old self going to that college party with your friend Kenma and his other friends would lead to this, you probably wouldn't have gone.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 10/31/2016 11:28 P.M. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

You knew who Lev Haiba was, how could you not?

He was 6'4 and half Russian. Not only that, but he was friends with all your friends basically.

He had tried talking to you many times before but you were quick to shut him down.

"Hey, Y/n right?"

You look up from the liquid sloshing in your paper cup at the sudden voice.

"Oh! Hi! Lev! What are you doing here?" You ask, smiling up curtly at him.

"Kuroo and kenma, which weirded me out. Not Kuroo, he always tries to convince me to come out, but Kenma asking sold it for me, because he never asks me to come to stuff, he normally fights against it."

You watch his jaw as the words leave his mouth, not even you could deny how attractive he was.

You look back up at his eyes when he finishes talking.

"Wait did you say Kenma asked you to come?" You ask, an eyebrow quirking up on your face.

"Yeah! Weird right?" He laughs a bit, closing his eyes and putting a hand on the back of his neck.

You felt a sense of betrayal raise in you for a moment before deciding to take advantage of the opportunity that was now presented to you on a golden platter.

"Yeah, super weird.," You raise your cup to your lips, a smirk tugging at your lips and you throw the rest of the sour liquid in it back into your throat. "So listen, Lev, I think I know why Kenma asked you to come."

He raises a bottle of beer up to his mouth, giving a 'Hmm?' as a response. After he swallowed he spoke. "Why?"

"Well because I told him that I think you're hot as fuck."

Lev was used to girls practically throwing themselves at him, but with you it was different.

He could've sworn you hated him up until now. The way you constantly made a point to avoid him in school, or around your friends, even after 2 years of him being around.

Right now though, he felt like prey and you were the predator.

He thought about how this must've met that all those times you ignored him, rolling your eyes as you turn your back to him, you were really just plotting on him.

"Those are some crazy mind games you're playing girl." A small smile tugs the corners of his lips up.

"Gotta keep ya' on your toes."

He's so tall and handsome that you think you might die.

You in fact weren't trying to play mind games with him, but you were always just too nervous to talk to him. You didn't even mean to be mean to him.

He looks around the room, awkwardly shoving his hands into his front pockets of his jeans.

"I like your outfit." He leans over to say to you, due to the increasing volume of the music.

It was simple, nothing special.

You scanned him over, eyes locking with his belt buckle.

"Hermes? I didn't realize you had it like that Haiba."

He's still leaning down close to you.

Your hand reaches out, fingertips brushing over the gold emblem.

You can hear his breath catch in his throat, causing a small giggle to escape your lips.

"Lets get out of here? Yeah?"

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 8/13/2018 !:15 P.M. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Your phone has been ringing back to back for the past 10 minutes, but you had chosen to ignore it.

Preoccupied in posting the right photos to your Tumblr and instagram.

Though it was getting hard with how frequently his contact was popping up on your screen.

You sigh and fold, answering his call.

"What?" Your voice is harsh, and obviously annoyed.

"Woah, calm down girl!," You grunt causing him to sigh and continue speaking. "What'cha doing?"

He's so casual it's pissing you off.

"Trying to post but you keep spamming my phone so I can't. Asshole." You finish with a scoff.

"Well, I'm sorry.," a brief moment passes before he finishes. "Let me see you. I'll be back in town tonight."

You hum, mulling the idea over in your head.

"Where you at now?"

"I was in Paris but I had a layover so right now i'm in South Korea. My flight takes off in 2 hours, then its a straight shot from there, so I'd be able to pick you up around nine?"

"How long have you been flying for?"

"Like 16 hours. So I'll be about a full day of flying by the time I get home."

"Just come over when you get back?"

"Ok, I miss you."

Your heart hurts at his words, you know he doesn't mean you, he means your body.

"Miss you too, I'll see you tonight." You're quick to hang up the phone before he can even say anything else.

Rushing around to finish your post so you can clean up your apartment and yourself.

You ordered Levs and yours favorite takeout from a local shop down the street from your apartment as soon as he text you he was on the way over.

Applying a layer of gloss you pop your lips at yourself in the mirror.

is this too much?

You're in a cute flowy babydoll dress with some lettuce trim above the ankle socks to match.

hair neatly curled with a barrette pinning one side of your hair out of your face.

A knock at your door shuts down any doubts in your mind about your outfit choice.

You open the door and there he stands, so tall and lean.

He smells as good as always too.

You're quick to take notice of the golden watch on his wrist. It's new.

"Ah, you noticed?," He moves his arm out so you can get a closer look at the watch. "It was a gift from my agency, it's a Rolex."

"Yeah I see that." You move to the side so he can come into your apartment. He does and you shut the door.

"Wow, I like what you've done with the place." He says looking around.

"Thanks," you trail over to him slowly. Wrapping your arms around him from behind you inhale his smell. "Foods on the way."

He brings his large hand to smooth over your forearm that's wrapped around his front. He peels your grip and turns around to face you.

"You look really good." He says. His big hands move to cup each side of your face and you melt into his touch.

He can't help but flush a bit at the way you bat your eyes up at him.

"You're so cute n/n!" His hands begin mushing your cheeks together and you fight to escape his grip.

Another knock at the door makes him give up as you go to answer it.

"Way to ruin the moment Lev!" You say as you open the door, rolling your eyes as you turn away to face the driver for the food.

He takes a deeper look at your apartment, the last time he was here was six months ago when he and few of your friends helped you move in.

He stayed the night then, but you hadn't had much in here but boxes and your mattress.

Lights hung around the living room, creating a soft glow.

And incense burning on a small side table by your sofa.

A tapestry hangs behind it on the wall.

Photos are framed, hanging all over your walls and decorating your tables.

One in particular catches him off guard. It's you and him, a year ago at a party. Kuroo had snapped the photo of the two of you drunkinly dancing together. Your head thrown back as you laugh, him looking at you with a goofy grin on his face. Glow sticks around the both of your wrists and necks. Glitter eyeshadow spread all around your eyes and spreading down your face.

It was at some random party you dragged him and Kuroo to one weekend.

It was one of the last times you two partied together.

That photo also helped boost your Tumblr popularity.

He chuckled slightly at the memory of you coming to him excited your post had gotten over 200 'notes'.

Then 500, then 1000, then 10k.

You slowly built your fan base from there, littering your page with more aesthetic photos.

Most of them were you and Lev doing dumb things together at parties, or him and you posing in your mirror taking selfies.

Then when Lev got signed to a modeling agency after graduation, he built a fan base of his own.

Eventually people made the connection that he was the boy in all your photos.

Earning the both of you more popularity, and causing rumors to fly like wildfire.

"Earth to Levvvvvvvvv!" You say waving your hand in his face.

"Sorry! Jetlag."

"Whatever weirdo, dinners here."

He follows you to the kitchen, like a lost puppy dog.

"Go sit at the table, what're you doing?"

"Don't you want any help."

"No, go sit down." You push gently at his side and he takes the hint, throwing his hands up in defeat and turning to go sit down.

You emerge a few moments later with 2 plates and forks, carrying the bag of food in your other hand.

Setting everything down he goes to grab a plate but you're quick to swat his hand away.

He retracts quickly and lets you set the plate and fork down infant of him.

"Let me do this for you Lev." Your voice is basically a whisper and you smile softly looking at him.

You plate his food for him and do the same for yourself.

Sitting down in the chair next to him, you turn your body out so you can properly face him.

He takes a giant bite of his food, moaning at the taste.

"Oh my goddddd, this is so fucking good. They have me on this stupid diet while i'm doing all the runways and I can't stand it."

You giggle softly at him and take a bite of your food.

After a few minutes of quick glances at each other and giggling at his antics while you ate he speaks again.

"I miss this."

You nearly choke a bit on your food.

You look back at him and clear your throat after swallowing.

"Well, you're the one who chose this." A dry chuckle follows your comment.

"Yeah. You're right."

The rest of that night continues smoothly, him talking about his travels and the highs and lows of modeling, you talking about recent internet drama and your affliction with starting a YouTube channel.

He convinces you to do it.

It ends with him in your bed, as always.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 4/8/2019 2:23 A.M. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

A loud buzzing wakes you up from your sleep.

Groggily tipping your eyes you see a familiar contact on your screen.

"Hello?" Your voice is raspy and filled with sleep.

"N/n?" You've never heard him sound like this, so you sit up allowing yourself a moment to decide what to say next.

"Where are you?"

"Montreal."

"Are you okay?"

He sighs and a moment of silences passes through the line.

"No."

"What happened."

"It's dumb. I shouldn't have called it's late for you."

"I don't care Lev. What's wrong?"

"I just, I really fucking miss you." His voice breaks towards the end of his sentence.

You two hadn't spoken as much since he left again eight months ago.

A call or two and a handful of messages was the extent of it.

"Come home then."

More silence follows your solution.

"I can't n/n... I have so much going on here, all these contracts to fulfill."

You can tell he's frustrated by his tone.

"I can't help you if im hundreds of miles away Lev."

"I always loved how blunt you were." You can here shuffling on the other end of the line, assuming he was getting into bed.

"I miss you too." You say quickly.

"Come with me. Your lease is almost up?"

"I can't just leave, I have a life here, things going on."

"N/n...Please I need you."

"Lev.," your tone becomes stern. He sighs into the mic. "You've had years to do something and you haven't. You can't just call me on a whim and tell me to drop everything."

He knows it's selfish to ask you to leave everything behind.

"At least come visit?"

"Fine."

That's how five days later you ended up on a flight to Barcelona. Lev had this way of drawing you in and making you do things you knew you shouldn't. Such as hastily plan a trip to see your longtime situationship across the globe.

Landing you send him a quick text.

'finally landed :p'

A quick reply from him catches you off guard.

'me too. will meet you at the hotel.'

You gather your bags and make your way to the front door, ready to get as far away from this airport as possible.

Catching a taxi you're grateful for the 3 years of Italian and spanish you took in high school.

You arrive at the quaint inn and became thankful he let you pick where you two were gonna stay at.

Finally getting your key you make your way to the room, its small, with a small balcony over looking the city. Two beds sit in the small room.

Laying your things out on the bed closest to the balcony you stake your claim of it.

You decide its best to shower.

Pulling clothes and your toiletries bag from your suit case you make your way to the bathroom, taking a to shower.

You slip on a flowy skirt and small tank-crop top.

Leaving the bathroom you jump at The giant mans presence.

"You could've text me or came in to say hi or something! Jesus!"

He laughs and stands up walking over to you.

He's quick to pull you in a giant bear hug. He shuffles backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed, allowing him to sit. You shuffle in-between his legs and wrap your arms around his neck.

a soft kiss lands on his cheek as you pull yourself to hug him again.

His hands trace up and down your hips, slowly and softly.

He hums when you pull away and instead run your fingers through his hair.

"Missed you," an airy huff leaves his lips as you use your nails to scratch the back of his head gently.

"What's new?"

he gives you an eye roll and shoves himself face first into your stomach.

You guys stand like this for a bit, just enjoying the other persons presence.

The week goes by quickly, and on the last night he decides to drop a bomb on you and ruin everything.

You're both laying in your bed, entangled with each other, both naked under the thin sheet.

He moves so he can roll on his side and look at you, you do the same.

His fingers trace the side of your face before he moves some loose hair out of your face.

"Y/n."

You feel a pit of anxiety in your stomach at him saying your name.

"Lev?" you say back quiet, unsure of what he would say next.

"So here's the thing," He drops his hand to yours that's laying palm flat against the mattress. He squeezes it before letting go completely. "My agency thinks it would be really good for my career if I date another model."

You sit up, holding the sheet to cover your body, he follows your movements and sits up with you.

"What?" Your voice is shaky. You can already feel the tears prick in your eyes.

"It's not like we can't still see each other!"

You turn away from him slightly.

"How long have you known?"

You can see him slightly slap his face with his hands before speaking again.

"It's why I called you."

he knew for almost two fucking weeks? And he dragged you out here just to dump you?

"What the fuck Lev?" You stand up and quickly gather your clothing off the floor, rushing to the bathroom to get dressed.

he stands up to follow you but you're quick to slam the door and lock it.

He rattles the handle before you can here his hand smack the outside.

"Y/n? Come on lets talk about this."

"You literally did all of this for what? To tell me you can't be with me anymore?"

"It's not like we were ever together though."

You feel the anger brewing inside of you at his words.

You fling the door open and he leans back quickly.

"Then what the fuck have we been doing?"

You step forward causing him to take a step back.

You rush over to your suit case with an arm full of your bathroom stuff. Shoving everything in.

Tears burn hot on your face.

"What are you doing?" His voice sounds hurt but you don't care.

"I'm just gonna go to the airport."

"Your flights not until tomorrow afternoon?"

"So what?"

"So you're going to sit there for almost 20 hours?"

"I guess so."

"You're being rash."

You turn quickly at his statement and stand up walking over to him.

"You fucking played me. Three fucking years for fucking nothing! I've been working with nothing but scraps! You leave after high school then never call or reach out unless you're home and able to fuck!" Your finger is poking his chest hard.

He grabs your wrist and throws your arm down.

"I had to go!" He's now yelling, anger and hurt on his face.

"No you didn't there are plenty of opportunities back home!"

"No there aren't! This is different!"

You fold your arms and scoff.

"So what? You're just gonna get to go around with some hot model on your arm and flaunt her and be her boyfriend while I just, what? Wait for you to call me after almost eight months of nat talking because you want to fuck?"

He puts his face in his hands and groans loudly.

"No, y/n. I don't want that."

"Then what do you want?"

He sits on the bed and sighs. Looking up at you.

You're so beautiful his chest hurts when he looks at you.

You have big sad eyes, mascara running down your face. Your lips are slightly puffy from crying and you and him making out earlier.

A few light hickeys trail over your chest and neck.

"I just want to do one thing right."

You wipe your face off and take a deep breath, sitting down next to him.

You lean your head on his shoulder as you reach out and pull his hand into your lap. Fingers tracing the back of his hand lightly.

"You need to focus on your career." You place his hand back in his own lap and stand up, looking slightly down to see him.

He looks up at you and goes to speak, probably argue with you, but you're quick to cut him off.

"Lev, I care about you a lot. So please, do this for me?"

He can tell you're sad just saying those words, but if he argues he knows you'll leave angry at him.

"I am so fucking sorry. This is temporary. I'll come back to you."

You sigh and look up at the ceiling, fighting the tears that are treating to spill again. You blow out and finally look back down to him.

"That's not fair."

You're right. It's not fair.

His hand goes out to touch you but you dodge it, moving away from his touch.

You notice the way his face flashes with hurt at your actions.

You want to reach out and apologize, holding him and telling him everything will be fine. That you'll wait.

You don't.

"Please, I can't just lose you." His voice is soft and broken. He's pleading with you.

"Haiba."

He feels sick to his stomach and the formality.

Tears prick his eyes and he knows what you're going to say next.

"Just hold me one more time. Please?" His eyes are heavy with guilt so you fold.

Crawling back on to his lap, fingers tracing shapes into the soft skin on his cheek.

You guys lay like this for an hour.

The next morning you leave before he wakes up, not wanting to face him.

You don't speak to Lev Haiba for 3 years.

You guys still like each others posts, but nothing more than that.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 7/20/2022 5:15 P.M. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

You're in the old gymnasium of your high school, champagne flute in hand.

You spot a waiter heading your way and motion for him to come over.

As he does you quickly chug your glass down and trade him for a new, full one.

Scanning the room you look out at the sea of people you hadn't see or been in contact with for five years.

You finally fully walk out into the crowd to hopefully strike up a conversation with literally anyone.

"N/n?"

You freeze at the sudden nickname.

You hadn't been called that in 3 years.

Slowly turning you make eye contact with a suited chest, trailing your eyes up you instant recognize the man.

"Lev!" You say, heat rising into your face.

You knew this was a possibility but you never expected to actually see him or speak to him.

He slowly looks you over, you look amazing.

A black dress hugs you in all the right places, gold jewelry adorning you. Hair curled and makeup done.

"How are you?" He asks, hoping to catch up.

"Oh, you know, same ol' same ol'!" You shrug.

He's quick to notice the way you drink your whole glass in one drink.

He leans down to whisper in your ear.

"Wanna get out of here?"

You don't know why you say yes.

You knew exactly how this would go.

He has you in the back of a taxi to his hotel.

"So, you and your girlfriend broke up?" You ask, you knew the answer. they broke up a year ago.

"A while ago, so you never got a boyfriend?" A smirk plays on his face but you're quick to swat his shoulder playfully.

"No last time I tried I almost died from a broken heart."

"Really?" His eyes get big.

God bless him, he didn't understand you were talking about him.

Your eyes rake over him, watching as he turns his head to look out the window.

He's stronger than he was a few years ago, you can tell by how his suit tightens with the slightest movements of his arms.

You can't help yourself as you reach over and run your hand against the fabric hugging his bicep.

He looks down at your hand then up at your face.

You give him a wide smile.

"Wow! Lev you've gotten so strong!"

He chuckles lowly and a shiver runs down your spine.

The sense of boy-ish and immature attitude he once had had gone away over the few years you hadn't seen him.

Now a more grown, and mature aura seeped off him.

It wasn't hard to feel the difference in your classes.

You still had fringed and colored hair. Nails short but colorful, charms and designs filling them up.

You had gotten more piercings and tattoos too, he could see them due to the high leg slits and low-cut neck line of your dress.

He loved the way you always had too much jewelry on.

Chunky rings on every finger, some having more than one.

He's counted five necklaces on your neck and maybe eight or nine bracelets dangling on your wrists.

Your ear is filled with hoops and shiny studs.

He wonders how much money you've spent on body modifications in the past couple years.

The taxi comes to a slow halt in front of the hotel, Lev is quick to pass a 100$ bill to the man.

"Lev! Was that American money?" You loudly whisper as you join him at his side to walk into the building.

He laughs as he holds the door open for you.

"Yes!" he finally responds.

You open the next door and make a point to bow and point towards the lobby of the building.

He sighs and nods his head with a smile as he walks in.

You giggle slightly and follow him to the elevators.

One is quick to arrive, you both are quicker to enter it.

You noticed that the closer you get to being truly alone together the faster you two start moving.

As soon as the doors shut you pounce on him.

Grabbing his collar and quickly pulling him into you, crashing your lips together.

He grunts a bit before allowing his hands to slide down your hips until he stops on the back of your thighs.

He lifts you up quickly, and now it's your turn to gasp in shock.

You feel your dress slide up your legs so as to allow you to wrap them around his waist.

You deepen the kiss as he uses his large hand to hold your back up.

You don't know how long you continue to do this but it seems like 30 seconds until the elevator dings, signifying your arrival to his floor.

He doesn't set you down but decides to to carry you.

You laugh as you tell him to put you down, he nods with a quick 'no.'

You leaves quick kisses up the side of his neck and face.

He's laughing too. Once he reaches his door he shifts your body weight into one of his hands to fish the card out of his pocket.

You slide down a bit, but you're quick to wrap your arms tighter around his neck, pulling your self back up.

The door chimes and lights up green, he's quick to open it and get inside.

With a swift kick he kicks it shut. Kissing your again.

He leads you to the bed and gently lays you down on it.

Finally you speak again.

"Lev," You sit up leaning your back against his pillows.

"Hmm?" He says facing away from you, standing by a chair and loosening his tie.

"Earlier, in the taxi when I brought up almost dying of a broken heart?"

He now faces you, slowly walking over to the bed.

"What about it?" He asks softly.

"You know I was talking about you right?"

He stops moving and just stares at you.

A sigh escapes his lips as he sits on the end of the bed facing away from you.

You crawl forward and sit on your knees behind him.

Hands slowly brushing over his shoulders before you wrap them around his neck loosely. pushing your chest flush against his back, head resting in the crook of his neck.

You feel him shiver when you blow out a bit of air against his ear.

He clears his throat and responds.

"Yeah, I figured."

He sounds sad, and disappointed.

He leans his head back at a right angle so he can slightly look at you.

"So, basically," He watches as you pull off of him and sit back on your knees. Wiping your hands over the material of your dress. "I don't know if I'm really in a place to get involved with you like that again."

He now turns his long torso so he can face you fully.

His face drops in a pout and it reminds you of him when you two were 17.

You watch as his face goes from upset to excited.

"Well, could you get involved with me if it was more than what it was last time?"

You drop your jaw and pop and angry eyebrow up, scoffing at the question.

You then cross your arms and roll your eyes.

His face drops again, unsure why you would react this way.

"What?" He asks.

You let out a loud sounding 'Ughhh' before answering him.

"How are you going to play me for three years, drop me for some random model your agency wants you to be with, then show up at our high school reunion after 3 years just to try and finally go out with me for real?!"

He's silent for a minute before dropping his face into his hands and groaning.

He finally looks back up at you with sorry wide eyes.

"When you say it like that it sounds bad n/n!"

Your face gets hot in anger as you move off the bed to stand up.

"Uhm, newsflash, Lev, it was, no is bad!"

He looks up at you now.

"I know, but listen to me okay?"

You turn your nose up at him and cross your arms again.

He scoffs loudly but continues to talk.

"I fucked up, like really, really fucked up with you."

You now look down at him, a quizzical eyebrow popped up.

"I'm listening." You say.

He chokes back a small laugh at your dramatics.

"And I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness. Like at all. But I just need you to know that I am sorry for everything. You deserved someone who treated you so much better than I did.," He stops, taking in a deep breath before reaching out for your hand, spinning one of your rings between his long fingers. "Just give me a chance to treat you right. Please."

You had never seen him so vunrable. You sigh dreamily at him and step forward to be closer to him.

He spreads his legs and allows you to step between them. You can hear him take a deep inhale at your scent.

A small smile is on your face as he lays his head against your chest.

You entangle your fingers in his hair and scratch his scalp softly.

His hands find your hips, the warmth of them so familiar yet foreign after all this time.

"Hmmmm,' You hum loudly. Poking fun at him. "Well I guess if you were being serious this time around I might consider it, but you have a lot of apologizing and making it up to me to do."

He moves so his chin is resting against your chest bone, looking up at you.

You move your hands to cup his face, thumbs slowly swiping his cheeks.

"I promise I'm for real this time."

You lean down and kiss him.

You would never say this out loud, but you would let him hurt you over and over again as long as it meant you got to hold him, touch him, just be around him.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 07/14/2025 8:30 P.M. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Your keys jingle as you pull them out, shoving your apartment key into the lock.

Shoving the door open you're greeted by your dog, excitedly jumping around and on you.

"Hiii baby," you lean down and let your dog lick the side of your face as you scratch behind its ears.

After a moment you finally stand up and close the door behind you.

Walking in you drop your bag and shove your coat and boots off simultaneously.

You unbutton your jeans and shove them down your legs, stepping out of them as you continue your way to your bathroom. Finally kicking them fully off your ankles, you lift your right leg up behind you, hopping a bit to pull your sock off and quickly doing the same with the opposite leg.

Making your way to the closed bathroom door, you groan realizing you left your preroll in our purse.

You huff and roll your eyes, turning around to go get it. On your way back you make haste pulling your tight shirt off, finally unhooking your bra with a angelic sigh.

Digging your preroll and lighter out of your purse you pad back over to the bathroom.

Pushing the door open you make a point to dramatically step onto the cold tile with a huff.

You start to fill your bath with hot water, appreciating the fact you had a large tub.

You turn on the strand of lights you put around your bathroom mirror, to give a soft light.

You light and incense and open your bathroom window slightly.

Turning around you lean against the sink, popping the small tube open. Pulling the delicately wrapped blunt out.

You place it between your lips but don't light it, instead you pull your underwear off and go to turn the water off. Stepping in you clench tightly on the lighter in your hands at the sting from the hot water.

After a moment you finally sit down wincing at the heat burning your skin.

Once you fully adjust your'e grateful for the cool breeze blowing through the crack in the window. you finally light the end of your blunt and pull in deeply. Taking it back between your fingers you pull it out of your mouth.

Forming your lips in and o shape you look up at the ceiling and blow the smoke out slowly.

Watching as the yellowed smoke thickly and slowly swims up in the air.

You repeat this process 2 more times before you hear the front door of your apartment shut.

loud footsteps tap against the floor outside, then you hear keys drop on the floor, a nasty habit he had that constantly resulted in him losing them.

You roll your eyes and inhale again.

You listen as you hear the distinctive sound of a belt buckle hitting hardwood floors.

Exhaling slowly the footsteps get louder as they quickly make way to the bathroom door.

"Babe?" your boyfriends voice is quiet and soft as he opens the bathroom door slowly.

"Get in here quick so the whole place won't start to smell!" You whisper yell.

"Okay, okay!" he whisper yells back, choosing to only open the door just wide enough for him to squeeze through. You assume this is to prevent one of your three animals from entering.

He shuts the door and you're quick to notice he's only in his boxers and socks.

He sits down on top of the closed toilet seat, leaning over and grabbing the blunt from your hand.

You wave the same hand at him in a slow circular motion.

You watch with doting eyes as he pinches the end of it and takes a long drag off of it.

He hands it back to you and blows the smoke out the side of his mouth.

You take it back and lean over the side of the tub, head resting on one of your arms that's folded. Your other one holding the blunt out away from you. You bed your elbow and take a long drag off of it.

Before you exhale he grabs it back.

It's a roach at this point so you exhale and tell him he can finish it.

You had most of it anyways.

He thanks you and you watch him as he continues to smoke.

Something about this was so intimate for you.

The air was sticky from the smoke and humid from the steam of the hot water, but still an occasional breeze would blow in through the crack in the window, allowing a brief moment of fresh, cool air.

The smoke still lingered, slowly moving through the air in spirals and waves. You watched with heavy eyes as he exhaled for the final time. Putting the end of the paper in the trash can.

He leaned back against the top of the toilet and stretched his legs out.

"Get in with me." You say voice just barely above a whisper.

He hums and looks down at you.

He slides off the toilet into a squat in front of the tub.

He tilts his body to lean the same way your head is resting.

His hand comes up and brushes some of your hair behind your ear before he lays his palm flat against the tops of your head, stroking your head a few times.

"You're so beautiful."

You feel heat rush to your cheeks at his words. He always says stuff in a way that makes it seem like such an obvious fact.

He stands up and quickly discards the few items of clothing he had left. You scoot forward, knees pulled up to your chest, allowing him to slide in behind you. Once he settles down you slide back until you feel his chest. His arms move from the sides of the bathtub to rub your shoulders.

"Missed you." You say with a sigh at the relief of pressure in your shoulders.

"Not as much as I missed you." He's quick to follow it by kissing the side of your face quickly over and over again.

You giggle at the sensation and his words.

"Lev! Calm down!" you say between your laugh.

"What? Can't show my beautiful, amazing, smart, funny, sexy, hot, gorgeous lady some love?"

You laugh and let your head fall back on his shoulder. Kissing gently as his jaw.

"I mean when you put it that wayyyyy." You say followed by a soft chuckle.

"Have I told you how much I love you today?"

You roll your eyes but can't help the smile that crosses your face.

"You are such a corn ball Lev!"

"Only for youuuu" he says in a sing-song tone.

"Whatever weirdo."

"You love it."

You nod your head no.

"You do."

You continue shaking your head.

"You're a liar."

"Uh-uh." You say.

"Yes huh." He mocks.

"Bitch."

He scoffs loudly at your choice of words.

"Skank." He says sassily.

You lean forward so you can turn to face him.

A scowl crosses your face before you stick your tongue out at him.

He makes the same face back at you.

After a moment of this you both start laughing.

You settle back against his chest, lifting your left hand to admire the new nail set you had just gotten done a few hours prior.

Lev's hand comes up to grab yours, messing with one of your rings.

"I think I should get you a bigger diamond."

"What?"

"Maybe get a 5 or 6 carat one?"

You scoff and pull your hand down to rest on your chest.

"Lev, I don't need a 5 or 6 carat diamond. I'm happy with this one."

"Yeah but I like when you wear those big chunky rings, might as well make your wedding ring match."

You hum at his antics.

"Whatever you say baby."

You scoot back a bit and cuddle back into him.

He kisses the top of your head as he wraps his arms tightly around you.

"I'm gonna get you one t'morrow." He mumbles into your hair.

You close your eyes and allow yourself to fully relax into him.

Glad you had a large enough bathtub to let both of you comfortably fit.

It was moments like this that you would normally snap a selfie or two to post but right now you just wanted to experience him.

[aroacemisha]

Having an “I like this less now that some time has passed and the hype died down” moment-

I saw someone criticize how they don’t like that Luz did actually turn out to be a chosen one, the Titan literally did choose to show her the glyphs while hiding them from Philip- Honestly, I’m starting to agree. Sure, she wasn’t chosen by some undefined forces of destiny, but she was literally chosen by the island - the world itself basically.

The “choosing yourself” message would’ve been stronger if the glyphs were always there for anyone to find, and the reason Luz found them is because she chose to take Eda’s advice and pay attention to her surroundings and immerse herself in the environment of the Isles, and she genuinely appreciated it all, whereas it took Philip years to find all the glyphs and he had to be given the last one by Luz because to him they were just a means to an end, he had no affection for or interest in the magic or the world around him - he despised them, actually, he wanted them gone - which is why he never tried to connect with them.

(And the reason other witches and demons didn’t find the glyphs is because most of them don’t need to search for alternatives to typical magic powers, since most of them have the ability to use magic naturally, and if they lose that ability they likely just rely on their staff from then on and assume there are no alternatives. Or maybe some people did come across a glyph or two, but didn’t realize their significance, assuming they were just a cool pattern. This works especially with something like a snowflake)

Luz could’ve still met the Titan in the In-Between Realm, but he could’ve not had the power to choose who gets to find the glyphs and who doesn’t, with who ends up finding them and how long it takes them to do it depending on those people’s own choices, like actively choosing to immerse themselves in the environment and try to connect with it.

The Titan being able to literally choose whether to show the glyphs or not undercuts the idea of “choosing yourself”, because whether you get to find them or not now also depends on whether he likes you or not, because regardless of what choices you’ve made, if he happens not to like you and not feel like showing the glyphs to you, you won’t get to find them. And we know he’s not some purely objective infallible being, he’s a person, and we know for a fact that he has made mistakes and misjudged people, for example imprisoning the Collector.

[kemendin]

Epilogue

Or, I finished my first playthrough of BG3 and had many emotions (still processing) and many thoughts (also still processing), so here are some Kem ramblings on chosen endings and what happens post-game in Dhamari canon. Under cut because major spoilers of course!

So, for anyone curious, here's how things turned out, and these are fairly unsurprising I'd imagine:

Astarion did not ascend. I tried it for kicks, and I hated his ascended self lol. And Dhamari wouldn't have gone for the 'replace one tyrant with another' idea.

Gale did not claim godhood, BUT nor did he actually give the crown to Mystra - it was left in the sea. As Dhamari said, "If Mystra wants it, she can damn well fish it out herself."

Wyll became the Blade of Avernus, and went romping back to the Hells with Karlach. Go be badasses, guys!!

Lae'zel became the new Comet, and went sailing off to be the saviour of her people.

Shadowheart turned her back on Shar and went off to explore Faerûn and her new faith in Selûne (and got custody of the owlbear).

As for Dhamari and Gale... I had to do a lot of pondering on their ending, both in terms of in-game choices and how things ACTUALLY play out in my brain. While I’m very entertained by the idea of ‘Professor Dekarios’ I don’t think Dhamari is cut out for city life. So the short answer is, I went with the ‘I’ll marry you but I won’t live in Waterdeep’ option and they go off adventuring again instead.

The long version is, of course, more complicated:

Initially Dhamari is all 'yes of course I'll marry you and go back to Waterdeep with you' because frankly he's got no idea what to do with himself post-Netherbrain destruction. But that goes kinda not too well overall, for several reasons:

a) He really has no idea what he's getting into with the whole wedding business, because drow don't DO that. So while Gale's making all these plans and sending out multitudes of invitations, Dhamari's list consists of Wyll, who can't come, and Jaheira, who probably could, and he's just very overwhelmed by all the grand ceremony notions.

b) He's jealous of now having to share Gale with Tara and Mrs Dekarios and probably half of Waterdeep, because Gale's of course rather well known, and even more so after saving Baldur's Gate. Gale knows everyone and Dhamari knows no one, and he feels like he's being perceived as this odd little drow blemish on the local wizard celebrity (whether or not this is actually true is up for debate).

c) After the relief of no longer having a brain death sentence and the pressure of saving the world wears off, and he's had a little chill time, he starts feeling incredibly restless again. He's never had a point in his life till now where he wasn't scared or in danger or both - he has no idea how to live a life that doesn't involve fighting to survive. Unfortunately, in absence of obvious threats, he ends up on some mental level fighting Gale instead - lashing out with confusions and uncertainties he doesn't know how to cope with.

So within a month or so things get very tense between them, because Dhamari is rather terrible at communicating his problems to other people, but eventually they're forced to hash all this out. The end results are: a much smaller wedding than originally planned, Gale declining the offer to take a teaching post at Blackstaff Academy, and soon after the wedding they pack up and go adventuring again for a while so they can spend some time together that's ACTUALLY just the two of them.

At some point - dunno yet if it's pre- or post-epilogue reunion get-together - Dhamari visits with Jaheira, and she invites him to join the Harpers. Dhamari's felt a sort of half-conscious connection with the Harpers for a WHILE now, since finding the executed patrol of them in Grymforge (that's a whole other ramble/fic in process lol) and so when Jaheira makes this offer he's like '...huh yeah I could do that'. It gives him a much needed sense of purpose in life, gets him out and about and not quite so latched onto Gale every hour of the day. So when he and Gale take breaks from adventures and chill in Waterdeep for a bit, Gale can be doing his wizardy stuff with his wizardy friends, and Dhamari does whatever Harper business needs doing around the city.

So things aren't always perfect between them, and frankly these two will always find something to argue about because they ARE such different people. But they love each other, and they learn from each other, and as far as they're concerned - it's a happy ending.

Random tidbit - I really like that in the route I chose, Gale retains the mark of the orb. I think that despite what it was - a death sentence - Dhamari's actually rather fond of it aesthetically, and even sees it as a reminder - to both of them - that Gale survived. That Gale chose Dhamari, chose life, and it was the right choice.

[demontonic]

Anakin Skywalker - Old Friends

AOTC Anakin x fem reader

angst & fluff

Word Count: 1648

There he was walking beside Obi-Wan, he was skilled, nice, dedicated, clumsy, quiet, shy when he wasnt in a match. His light hair shimmered in the sunlight coming through the giant windows of the corridor, his tanned honey skin glowing as it always did. His figure was slim, tall, the very definition of lanky but he was fast and agile. The brown robes he wore only complimented his earth toned aura, the bright smile he always had was a sight for sore eyes. You’d known him since you were younglings, immediately taking interest when he first arrived. Over the years of course you’d distanced yourself, Master Windu could be quite strict and he was very cautious when it came to your relationship with the chosen one. Even now as he walked opposite of you in this hallway, your breathing became faint as you tried your hardest to avoid his gaze but-

“Excuse me master- Y/N, I havent spoken to you in ages I-“

“Anakin, well we have been training closely with our respected masters, I can see Obi-Wan has been doing a fine job. I hear nothing but good news for you, I shouldn’t expect anything else from the chosen one should I?” You were formal, something you and Anakin had never been with each other even in front of your masters. Obi-Wan seemed to be put off by your tone, walking a distance away and pretending to fidget with his commlink.

“I suppose so, how have you been since you’ve already heard of our missions.” His voice was quiet, softer than before like he lost the excitement he once held.

“I’m expected to become a knight soon, Master Windu has been testing me with more difficult missions… I hope it pays off.” Your voice trailed off towards the end, it felt wrong to speak to him like this, you’d long closed yourself off from his force connections. This interaction only drove a deeper stake between you two, it broke your heart but it hurt him tenfold. His head dropped, his eyes falling to the tiles beneath his feet.

“I’m sure it will.” With that he walked away, returning to his master’s side without sparring a second glance. You stood there, watching as they disappeared around the corner before the weight of reality fell onto your shoulders. The breath you seemed to be holding was released in a hushed sob, your hand covering your mouth swiftly. Being cold towards the only real friend you had, the only man you’d loved. Nothing could’ve began to fill the void that began to eat away at your very soul. Some nights, before you’d begun your distance, you’d feel each other’s force signatures. Each time either of you reached out it was warm, comfort, safe, because you’d done it a connection was formed. You could feel when he was too stressed, or in trouble, frightened, even sad. That was when you’d reach out, trying to console him. If he was in battle you’d be tense as he fought, too worried about his safety like he couldn’t hold his own. You missed it, yearned for it, but you knew it was for the better, for both of you. Attachments were forbidden and of all people he was the chosen one, he was to bring balance to the force and you wouldn’t live with yourself if he left the order for you.

𖥔 ݁ ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖.𖥔☽◯☾𖥔 ݁ ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖.𖥔

A month later you’d been in a match, you tried making peace and taking down the wall you put up. Though it might’ve been useless since you’re sure he had no intention of trying to talk with you after the last interaction. You were getting the upper hand, which is why you couldn’t understand why you felt such rage, and fear. You gone for a strike but you stopped, dropping your saber and falling to the floor. A pain in your arm, so sharp it felt like it’d been cut clean off. You began hyperventilating thinking the padawan you were up against had accidentally severed your arm in the midst of the match. Next thing you knew you were waking up in a meditation room, laying down on the plush floor in the pitch black. At first you thought you were alone but you should’ve known better.

“What was that?” Windu asked sternly, he’d anticipated your answer hoping it wouldn’t be the one he feared. He’d done all that he could do to stop it, Windu had assumed it was long snuffed out.

“What are you speaking of mast-“

“Was it Anakin?”

“The padawan- he must’ve grazed my arm he-“

“You came out unscathed, the padawan on the other hand was a little roughed up. So tell me the truth, has your connection with the chosen one opened again?” You froze, your fingers running over your left arm lightly feeling the soft untouched skin. It was then you’d realized there was no way of getting out of this.

“Master Windu I promise-“

“Anakin and Obi-Wan came in a while after you had that melt down. Anakin happened to return with a missing limb, his left arm to be exact. Luckily he had it replaced with a cybernetic arm and no further damage was retained.” You’d sat up in a panic, breath picking up once more at the news being relayed to you. He’d never been hurt so badly before, he was too good, too quick, how could you let this happen?

“I had no idea that would happen, I’d made sure it was closed off. I’ve been avoiding talking to him, training with him Master you have to believe-“

“I do, Y/N the force works with purpose, it connects all living things which is why we can feel when there is a major loss. I will not tell the council about this because there must be some reason you two are tied so closely.” You finally stood to your feet, too panicked to even try to reach him. You straighten your robes, and grabbed your cloak before looking to your master. He heaved a heavy sigh before nodding, getting into a relaxed position to resume meditating. You on the other hand ran towards the medical ward letting the force guide you to your blonde boy. Coming to a stop your breath slowed, you pulled a curtain back seeing Anakin surrounded by droids adjusting his robotic arm. His body visibly tensed as you stood there just taking in his presence trying to think of something to say.

“Ana-“

“I know you stopped blocking me out… I lnew the second I felt you again. At first I thought maybe it was because you were dreaming about me, but when it never closed off again I knew you did it purposely.” Blue tired eyes bored into your soul, your eyes brimmed with tears at his words. You stepped further into the confined space, closing the curtain behind you before sitting next to him.

“I never wanted to shut you out Ani, master Windu demanded it. After all you being the chosen one, what would we have done if they wanted us out of the order for forming an attachment. When we talked in the corridor that one day I need you to know I felt horrible, I just wanted to ensure our futures as Jedi Knights.” Your voice was faint, it sounded drained and defeated but he just watched you with the softest eyes. He’d known you better than even your master did, Anakin knew you were being entirely truthful.

“Saving the galaxy is meaningless if it means I’d have to live a lifetime without you. Y/N you mean more to me than you could ever know, the day you closed me out you took my heart with you.” His words were true, but you had been set on him falling for senator Amidala. You wanted to swoon, to fall deep into his baby blue eyes and never come up for air. However you are a jealous being, sour at the fact Amidala had been touchy with him. You wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for you tapping into his thoughts every so often when he went on this last mission.

“Why are you thinking about Padame?”

“Why were you thinking about Padame?”

“Are you jealous? Of the senator?”

“I’d thought I was dreaming but I was watching everything happen, in the arena. She was so close to you.” Your cheeks were red, burning with embarrassment and jealousy as you crossed your arms over your chest. Normally you would never admit to feeling this way, especially since your relationship had always been defined as an attachment and nothing more. Truthfully you had no right feeling so territorial over him, but he was your blondie. Padame was nice, personally you had nothing against her, the values she shared were the same as yours. Anakin however is where you drew the line, which she had crossed even if unintentionally.

“So you are jealous, all this time you’ve been the one to stay away from me and now look at you. I don’t want Amidala, she was a target, a job, a mission, nothing more my love.” He stood, the droids returning to their respective stations. Anakin took a few seconds to move his new hand in the way he wanted to. Now he pulled your arms from your chest, holding them gently as he leaned in close.

“Love?”

“My love, you are the only person I could ever want, the only thing in the universe I’d ever ask for. Accept my words for truth darling, feel the honesty in my soul you know I can’t lie to you.” He placed your hands flat against his chest, you felt his heart beat steadily. Most of all you sensed no malice in his force signature, it was the same warm, gentle, comforting feeling, it was home.

Okay this was supposed to be short but i got waaay too into it i mean honestly forbidden love is so awesome i dont CARE! i hope you liked it! heres my masterlist if you wanna check that out!

[i3utterflyeffect]

He's just having so much trouble comprehending how he could possibly be that person. Barely even registers the yelling or getting dragged. To make things worse maybe he has already started having dreams, but just hadn't made the connection yet. Just so horrified and distressed at this knowledge.

Chosen blames themself for getting him in trouble. If they hadn't gone in so recklessly, they wouldn't have been caught and Alan wouldn't be suffering right now. But now victim knows because of reading it in their memories. And Alan is the one who has to pay for that.

i could definitely see him just shutting down, esp if Victim opened up to him about Alan. The thought that he could ever be someone who tortured someone who had just come to life... who probably laughed when Victim tried to fight back...

and yeah, Chosen would feel HORRIBLE. They thought they were fixing things; the CG was absolutely desperate and terrified that they'd never see Alan again! And clearly Nightshade was kind of stressed over not remembering! But it's just... gotten so much worse. Especially if Chosen got captured! the CG doesn't have chosen OR alan now...

[n0t-1nt3r3st1ng]

Wednesday AU but with Wednesday as The Vulture because I can't believe no one has brought it up yet.

Wednesday Addams stands on the catacombs beneath her ancestral home and gazes upon the latest upgrades she has made to her creation.

The Exo-Suit was now a metallic body armor, outfitted with a pair of talons and retractable wings, a detachable steel harness that allows her to fly. She examines the new turbines and drums her fingertips over the feather-like edges of its wings.

Wednesday takes a look around and takes in the catacomb's sinister charm. She takes a deep breath and her lungs fill with an otherworldly chill that clings to the marrow of her very being. The scent of decay, a mélange of rot and decayed memories, hangs heavy in the air, assaulting the senses and invoking a somber melancholy. Each breath draws forth a taste of mortality, mingling with the dampness of the soil, reminding all who dare enter of the ephemeral nature of existence.

In this forgotten realm, beneath the pallid moonlight's feeble glow, where shadows dance in macabre delight lay the remains of the Addams family. Carcasses of ancient tombs line the path, their weathered stones bearing faded epitaphs of lives extinguished long ago. Gone but not forgotten. Ghostly phantoms seem to linger in the dimness, their ethereal forms emerging from the sepulchers, trapped between the realms of the living and the dead.

While the more modern members of the family rested in the cemetery near the house, the Addams clan has the tradition every ten years of gathering to dig up their oldest deceased and transport them for safekeeping. A tradition started after a group of puritan barbarians had desecrated the remains of Gomez great-great-grandparents and severed their connection to the mortal realm. And while they paid for their offence, the fear that such travesty may happen again was never forgotten.

It's in this sacred place where she has chosen to store her project. Of course, she only did so after receiving the blessing of every ghost and spirit who inhabited these sacred grounds and her parents. So, in an unused corner of the cavern, laid a modern set of lights, power tools and whatever else she might need. There's also a small working table where Pugsley works on a few projects of his own.

Wednesday smiles to herself as she remembers how it all started. The Battle of New York, the media called it. Aliens invading New York, like out of an Orson Wells novel. Of course the entire family had rushed to see the aftermath. Wednesday had been interested in witnessing such an event, even willing to endure the almost eight hours confined in the family's car with her parents' brand of affection.

While her family strolled around and took pictures of the devastation, Wednesday tried to see if any alien remains were left. She had brought her special autopsy kit with her. Sadly all corpses had been removed by the time they had gotten there.

But the trip proved not to be a complete waste of time. While a few government agents tried to remove her family from the site, she had managed to sneak to where the remains of the vehicles used by the invaders were being stored.

She witnessed the workers tossing strange glowing devices of what could only be power sources laying in a pile without guards. She simply had to have it, if only one.

While she waited for an opening she managed to hear the foreman instructing the workers on how to dismantle the ships. She listened to his explanations with an almost religious fervor. The list of things she craved grew the more he spoke.

Eventually a government agency had descended upon the workers like crows on a corpse, minus the natural elegance the birds possessed. What was said and by whom Wednesday didn't know or cared, all it mattered was that she was able to get her hands on a few items she had set her sights on.

Returning to his family was a more challenging task than she had anticipated but this too she managed to achieve. Her family praised her for obtaining such interesting souvenirs but she didn't listen to them. Wednesday's attention was solely dedicated to the items.

She practically ran to her laboratory once the car reached House, who struggled to open the doors in time for her. Wednesday devoted herself to learning as much as she could to the point she sometimes had to remember her writing hour. She had finally found a challenge hard enough to motivate her.

She, who had learned to revive the dead for a highschool project. She, who had bested some of the finest fencers in the world before the age of fifteen. She who had mastered every instrument in the mansion, who could speak every language all the other Addams could.

And there was the problem. She was a highly capable young woman who could, and would, accomplish whatever goal she set for herself. In short, she was bored.

But this? The prospect of the unknown was too tempting to ignore. To learn more, to do more.

Eventually she reached a limit. Whatever it was due to her limited resources or her lack of more specialized information, she hit a wall on her research.

That's where her family came in.

Uncle Fester was all too happy to look where the rest of the technology had been stored. Even Pugsley, after certain 'encouragement' from her part, had tried to look on the Internet.

The answer to her questions came not from them but from Grandmama who was able to pinpoint the location using a simple tracking spell with a quartz, a map and a bit of the energy from the alien device.

The family was all too happy to help her steal from the vaults where the devices were stored. It was quite a bonding exercise for them and one Wednesday enjoyed immensely, even if she'd never admit it out loud. But as successful as they were, their glee was cut short when they realized their loot wasn't as varied as they expected. The government had the foresight not to store everything in one place. All the family had were the energy sources and a few scraps of the ship.

Information gathering became Wednesday's new obsession to the point she broke her golden rule. She learned about computers. She learned how to program on a computer with the same intensity she gave everything else in her life. Had her thirst for knowledge not been so intoxicating she'd have been ashamed of herself. But she had to know.

It soon became clear those in power wanted the elements as separated as possibly. Being the government, there were bound to have plenty of mistakes and slip ups. Soon it became common for news of extravied technology in the hands of those who didn't know or appreciate what they had. Wednesday trembled with fury every time she learned of this. For those people to own those pieces was like tossing pearls to the pigs.

Her indignation gave birth to an idea. If Grandmama was able to track the energy signatures, why not track the missing pieces for herself?

The idea came with its challenges but she was nothing if not resourceful. Eventually she decided for a propulsion wingsuit design which she'd adapt to her needs. There was something about flying alone under the pale moonlight that was simply irresistible to her. First attempts were unsuccessful, much to her chagrin, but she was determined to succeed. No matter how many times she'd have to kick Pugsley off the roof of House.

Progress was slow but constant. Eventually she managed to create a working suit, a bit simpler than she'd prefer but it was good enough for its purpose. The suit went through several more versions until it became impossible to keep it in her lab. After careful consideration, she decided to request permission to use the catacombs and the cave system beneath the house for a discreet entrance and exit. Sometimes, when there was nothing more to do, Wednesday suited up and flew under the moon with the spirits of her relatives by her side.

Thus, Wednesday Addams developed a new routine. In the morning she'd attend the Normie school like any other teenager, in the evenings she'd work and upgrade her project. She'd still dedicate one hour of her time for writing at night and would also make time to socialize with her family during her breaks. Her weekends would be spent chasing after the pieces or clues for new vaults. Rinse and repeat.

Progress was, again, slow but constant. Until it wasn't. It soon became clear Wednesday had mined every useful bit in the state of New Jersey. It was time to move to a different hunting ground. To leave the nest, so to speak.

She wasn't ready to move to the big times, this she knew very well. Try as she might, Iron Man's armor was leagues above her. For now. She needed somewhere an Outcast wouldn't stand out. Somewhere between her town and a large city and enough traces of technology to make it worth her time.

The answer came to her as a consequence of her actions. Avenging Pugsley from those who thought could hurt her brother with no retaliation. She proved them wrong and in doing so it led to her parents to transfer her to a new school. In a different state, to a booming city, one where Outcasts weren't just accepted but needed. One where Grandmama's spell confirmed the presence of multiple energies.

Jericho City.

Yes, it would serve her purposes well enough.

[wheneclipsefalls]

Hi hi, I'm the anon who wanna request for a Alpha!Neteyam x Beta!F!Reader with modern au (be it s series or one-shot is alright). You're not wrong that it has all technology btw, and here's the twist... arranged marriage plot with mafia background. Here's the things...:

Set in like a mafia background, each clan handle different matters, but all of them are united when it comes to fighting the war of sky people. The Omatikaya along with the Metkayina are like very top, for Lo'ak has mated with Tsireya, and Kiri is mated with Ao'nung. Spider chose to be with the scientists and has been Tsu'tey and Trudy's adopted son since. Max and Norm were all the Sully kids and Spider's godfathers.

Thanks to the technology invented along with the scientists, the Na'vi were able to fight against the RDA for a long time.

Given that the war is repeating, nonstop, someone has to gatekeeps their home. A family of each clan, was chosen to guard and restore the destroyed home, should Eywa guides them. At this point, the war stops long ago since years the Na'vi sign a peace alliance with Earth (the RDA has went into hiding...)

And here enters the plot.

Reader is the beta of a family gatekeeps the old town of the Omatikaya for years, and that their family are all betas and of very rare cases of Alpha and Omega.

Reader's mother is an domineering alpha and matriarch of their family while father the second-in-command beta, as well as a alpha brother and beta sister, all of the family stick togethet as gatekeepers, for so, even though no one seen the family except Mo'at, Jake, Neytiri, Tsu'tey along with a few clan members (to pay respect to the spirit and their loved ones who are died), the family are very well-respected, as they're the only family that never asks to be reunite with the clan once, and has been restoring the clan to its old beauty.

However, this all changes one day, when the scientists received alarm that there's a monster approaching the tower (where all the clan's leader and elders gathers to meet with uprising matters), Jake alarms Neteyam and the others to take things in hands and they all immediately dive into the forest.

While they're searching for the so-called monsters, Neteyam was alerted with the scent of a beta. It wasn't particularly that strong like omega, nonetheless, it hooks him on before he realised that it must be his mate.

And his heart ache immediately when he saw the monster that he's been fighting, crumbles to its pain and slowly shifted in its Na'vi form, and he immediately went rage on in his beast form when he spots the scars on her entirety and the clothes that inked with the logo he hates it most of all - RDA.

Neteyam literally has to forces himself to calm down before he carried his mate on his back, and called for the search teams to return to the tower with him. When he arrived in front of his family, Neytiri and Jake immediately recognizes reader and that when they touches reader connects with her memories, they're shocked as it shows them that reader's family were all slaughtered and that RDA keeps reader alive to do false experiments, she barely escapes with her beast supporting her...

Neteyam the learned from Mo'at reader has been his fiancee and the reason why they hadn't met each so far, it's because reader wants to break off their bond and keeps on gatekeeps with her family, just as her brother and sister who'd break off their bond with of their destined mate in the pasts. To say he's upset is definitely, but he in the end, respect it as there's no one who'd done it and it's admiring.

But now that reader's family are all gone, Neteyam is the only one reader has, that she knows she could trust without needs of proof. And so... this is about Neteyam who tries all his best to be with reader as he teaches her how to love again, and to believe someone...

(If possible, this could be fluff and angst with endearing smuts. It's about reader who shuts off her heart after the death of her family and that an alpha who teaches her all about trust, love and support. You no need to follow of all things I write above. Bye!)

(And sorry, if my English grammar is bad😓)

Hi Angel! First of all your English is great, I totally understood you so no need to worry about that.

I've read through this several times and I've been doing some thinking about it and I honestly think you should write this. That's probably not the response you are expecting and I'm sorry if that is disappointing but hear me out.

This is such a beautifully interesting and detailed outline for a story. There are so many layers and interesting character dynamics you have created and planned out. There is so much that could be packed in there that it would be an amazing series, one that I would happily read. I can tell that you have an amazing vision for this story so much so that I know anything I would create would be a mere rip off of the real deal. I know you said I don't have to follow all the details but honestly babe you deserve to see your beautiful and creative vision realized to its full potential. I think the only way that can happen is if you write it because I don't have access to that wonderful vision the way you do.

I don't know if you have written fiction much before but I'm telling you, I can already tell you have the makings of a great writer. If you can make up a story so intricate and wonderful like this with such fantastic detail then you have the imagination of a story writer. Grammar, vocabulary, rhythm, and all those other skills just come with time. Honestly, even writing in your native language would be worth it (I would seriously google translate your work just to read it). Writting, especially fanfiction, is all about having fun so if you want to see this amazing story come to life, you should be the one that makes that happen. Only you can do it justice and I would feel completely inadequate to execute such a wonderful story board like this.

When I first started writing Ma Neteyam is was in the middle of the night when I was frustrated because I couldn't find any stories specifically like it before. I had an idea in my head of a story I would love to read but I couldn't find anything similar so I finally just decided to write it myself. It was seriously just supposed to be a guilty pleasure thing for me to write and show no one else. Eventually, my boyfriend convinced me to post it. I thought no one would really like it but I gave it a shot anyway. Now, I've had the most amazing time sharing a story that I have been so passionate about.

My point is, when you have true vision of a story you are passionate about like this, you shouldn't be afraid to take it into your own hands.

Please understand I am of course always open for requests but I'm only suggesting you write it instead because I can tell that you are the true author of this story. If you do end up writing it I would love to read it. If you post it, please tag me! Even if you don't want to post it you can always feel free to just send it to me. And if you aren't comfortable with either of those options and would rather keep your story to yourself, that is completely accpetable too. Fanfiction is about having fun, after all!

I hope you understand where I am coming from and know that I have so much love and respect for you. Thank you for sharing your amazing idea with me!

I hope you have the most fantastic day or night wherever you are! <3

[gwenspiceyprincess]

MUSIC

And MY MENTAL HEALTH:

1.

MY LIFE was never very consistent when it came to hobbies. I would always have a million interests and never have the capabilities to do any of them. There may have been one thing at a time that was able to shine above all others, spending hours upon hours of my days because it was the only thing I could bring myself to do.

But no matter what mood I was in, or what my hyper-obsession was at that time, music always stood out. Music was always there; a deep bastion of light to keep my mood up and my dour thoughts restricted. 

Music was the consistency, the one thing I can always turn to. Sure, the bands I listened to have been inconsistent over the years as my music taste refined and grew. And what I did around the music changed, but the act of  listening to the music was always there. The one activity that I could rely on, that I knew would always be there.

2.

MY MUSIC TASTE always seems to revolve around one thing: making me happy. Happy songs, with words of encouragement; or sour ones that emphasized with my experiences. Music was always something to make me happy in trying times. To keep me happy during good times.

Like most of my hobbies, music was never used as an escape, but a 

chance to better connect myself with me and the world around me. A way to relate to different people; to relate to the world. Things that I had never really found myself able to relate to. 

I often felt like a piece to a puzzle that couldn’t quite fit exactly where I wanted to. But music always found a place where I could fit, make me feel like I belong in a world that doesn’t belong to me.

Music always made me feel good, which was always a reason to go back to it.

3.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I would listen to whatever CD my father put on, whatever he would listen to on the radio. It wasn’t really until much later in my life that I would listen to music of my own accord, the genre I listen to now being so far removed–and yet so intimately similar–to what I had grown with.

Music became a way to express my feelings, to express myself. I had often tried–but could never get the hang of–creating my own music. It wasn’t that I was not talented, just impatient to it. Especially since I could just go to my phone and find something that expressed the feelings I had been feeling right in that instant. (Which–I admit–may sound weird coming from a person who finds enjoyment in writing books).

There was a point in my life when I could have chosen to go down a musical path. (Several, actually). But that day I chose to become a writer instead, and that’s why I’m writing this here today. How my life would differ had I chosen a different path I do not know. But I do know that I had found something for me, and that’s all that is really important.

4.

I HAD OFTEN BEEN EMBARRASSED to share with people my taste in music. That’s how deeply personal the experience is to me. I can still be hesitant to share with people I know. It’s like showing a blind infinity your soul and letting it scrutinise you for the rest of your menial existence. Even if it was just showing a friend a two minute song, that’s what it felt like. The anxiety, wondering that if they disliked the song it meant that they disliked you.

So I would hide it away, keeping it to myself and going on. Never showing the world a large piece of myself because the intimacy that came with sharing a song had been too much for me.

It all seems very silly. But that’s just kinda what being human is all about.

5.

MUSIC is a part of me, it’s a part of you, it’s a part of everyone. Music has been a thing since the dawn of man, and it’ll continue to be something until the dusk of man. It’ll live on in the hearts and souls of man even after the original artist is gone. A way to leave your mark on the world, and a mark in the spirits of those who’ll listen. Music is people. And I’ve found that music is me.

[skydalous]

I know everyone has a problem with the Sequels of Star Wars.

I did not watch it when the movies were released because I was not a Star Wars fan back then. I watched it now after all the hype has gone and Disney is leading the canon to another part, going back to the post-original trilogy era.

And I am mad as everyone with the way the movies went.

They had a ton of good concepts of characters and also a lot of money. Then why did it go so bad? Why did it fail terribly?

First of all, it is NOT Rey's fault. At least, not alone. Because they wrote every other character far away from the way they presented them, to the point it was not development what they were passing through, but a total change of personality that in the end did not make any sense to whom was watching.

Star Wars is not a complete saga in the movies. They are more like a collection of key scenes that are important to the overall story. That is why people love the movies alone but the people who love the lore go after any other type of media that talks about Star Wars (especially the books because they expand the canon greatly).

It is not a bad aspect. Every media has its challenges and the movies can't be that long or they would bore the medium watcher, and no producer wants their product to not sell.

But when it comes to the Sequels, instead of putting the essentials on the screen to the watcher, they instead put a lot of scenes for the nostalgic effect only — even if they did not connect with anything more. An example: why does Han appear suddenly in the Millennium Falcon at the same time Rey and Finn are there? I can't give you a good reason. I can to why he agreed to help Luke and Obi-Wan even though he did not have to though.

Another thing the sequels missed: they never explained to us what was so terrible that Luke had to go and kill Ben before he did whatever was prophesied. I always hear people say that Luke would never kill because he was the person who believed that Darth Vader still had good in him. Well... Luke saw good in Vader, but he tried to kill him anyway. People seem to forget they fought before the whole "I am a Jedi just like my father before me" scene. Luke only considered killing Kylo, he never did it.

So as presented before, key moments of the trilogy were left up to the imagination of the telespector, they were never explained or approached in the movies. That is why the overall story is not that good, only a wrap-up of nostalgic moments in the saga with only one or another interesting and refreshing scene.

I always wondered why they did it. I have no answer honestly. Maybe they thought the Star Wars fans would buy the "MCU formula" and it would make the movies popular. Or maybe there was something inside happening that we as public will never known.

However after saying my opinions about the movie I have to reach the moment where I can give a solution to what happened. One thing that would make all this messy storyline makes more sense.

Instead of not showing how Kylo went to the dark side at all, they had chosen to show how Kylo and Rey meeting and teaming up would destroy the balance of the Force. This would help solve two problems: first of all, why did Luke "betrayed" his own character (though he never did, his turn was only poorly made that is all) and second, it would explain why he was unwilling to help Rey when she came up looking for him. Or better, it would explain why he had hidden from everyone in the first place.

I only wish they had done the Sequels better :(

[ofengineers]

Mid doesn't even know how much time she has been standing, looking at Bahamut until he fully disappears from her sight while she's crying silently. She doesn't want the others to see, of course. She's supposed to smile all the time, to be that ray of sunshine for everyone at the Hideaway. She wants to be optimistic, more than anything else. She wants to believe the three of them will come back, safe and sound.

She doesn't know much of Dion. He remained in his little corner, very discreet, during all of his time here. But he's an ally, a friend. When he came back to join forces with them, he really proved his loyalty. Mid regrets not learning more about him. Maybe he wouldn't have let her, but maybe she should have tried.

Clive. Clive, he's the big brother she never had. From the moment he chose to honor Cid's legacy and took his name, Mid knew they would be linked forever. She wasn't ready when she lost her father, and she's not ready to lose Clive now. He deserves the best. And Jill... Jill also deserves the best. These two should be happy together. Clive has become such an inspiration to everyone at the Hideaway. He needs to come back so he can live this life of freedom he wants to give everyone. He also brought Joshua to her.

Joshua... If there's one thing she didn't see coming at all, it surely is him. All of him. From his first "my Lady" and his failed attempt to kiss her hand to the way he just hugged her so close to him, in his strong, comforting arms and whispered "I love you" in her ear as some kind of promise, with his soft voice, a voice she could never get tired of. He just left, and it already feels so long. Too long. She can't lose him. She just can't; she won't manage. It scares her how aware she is of that fact.

Now that she can't see Bahamut anymore, she looks at Jill: she's with Gav. Good. The truth is that Mid isn't sure she could have offered her friend the support she needs right now. Instead, she ignores everyone and runs to her room where she can finally let these tears run on her cheeks. She jumps on her bed and presses her face against her pillow.

Her pillow that smells like him because he stayed in her room so late last night. If he never comes back... How much time his smell will remain ? Maybe she'll just never use that pillow again to make sure she doesn't have to wash it, to keep him there in some ways. She knew the trouble she was getting herself into. She knew how delicate it would be from the moment they got closer. Joshua is sick, suffering from the curse and even more with Ultima trapped inside his chest. She saw Cid going through something similar. She remembers it only too well.

But it has been stronger than everything around her, around them. They could have ignored their growing feelings and remained friends until they were sure it was safe. But no. They couldn't waste it because that connection just couldn't be ignored. She didn't want to wonder forever how it would have been to embrace these feelings. And maybe it was silly, but giving her heart to him has felt like a way to give him strength.

She doesn't care if he is the Dominant of the Phoenix. To her, he's Joshua Rosfield. The man who has gone through so much but has still chosen kindness every time. The man who sacrificed so much and deserved to finally live a life of peace and happiness. The man who makes her smile and laugh like no other ever could. The only one she could truly open herself to without fearing of being judged. The only one who could make her feel stronger, unstoppable. The only one whose words, arms and kisses could calm her storms. She needs him forever. Her soul loves his.

it's even stronger than everything she thought love could be. Maybe she never even truly loved at all before; she just thought she did. Their meaningful conversations. Their playful banters. Their moments in her workshop when he was maybe slowing her down but it didn't matter because he was at her side. That room only for the two of them in the Hideaway, where she could listen to him play piano for hours. All these kisses, the soft ones and the passionate ones. The way their arms fit perfectly around each other. This deep connection can't exist more than once in a lifetime.

If Joshua doesn't come back from this final battle, he will haunt her forever.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

(reposting bc I fucked up formatting. Set in the same sire!Ranboo with fledgling!Techno AU I wrote here.)

The nest isn't very warm.

And Ranboo is freaking out because he doesn't know what to do about it. Turn on the heaters, obviously. But the buttons are all fiddly and Ranboo doesn't know how to connect the plug because Wilbur always keeps pulling it out again since he's scared one of the younger ones will give themself a burn messing with them and Ranboo should be figuring it out but he can't, he can't concentrate when his fledgling is shivering like that, curled up into a tight ball and making a low whining noise.

He's hurt, Ranboo's mind unhelpfully provides. As if it's not clear by the misery coming off the fledgling in waves, hitting right into the sensitive epicenter of Ranboo's brain that has been activated since he became a sire barely two hours ago.

Phil always said it could be a rather intense experience. He never warned Ranboo about this.

"I'm working on it, really, just... hold on, okay?" He doesn't think his words are reassuring to the fledgling. The man hasn't really been reacting to them at all. He's in no state to speak, he hasn't even been able to tell Ranboo his name.

Probably because Ranboo is a horrible sire who can't even succeed in the most basic task of giving his fledgling a safe nest.

How can he already be screwing things up this badly?

He gives up on the heaters then, partly because he doesn't want to wait a minute longer and partly because he knows the others will be back soon and they can just get them working. Ranboo can't waste anymore time.

His fledgling needs to be held. Ranboo needs to be a good sire.

"Come here," Ranboo tells him, rearranging pillows nervously.

The fledgling doesn't move.

Ranboo let his thrall die down a while ago, too young to keep it up that long. His fledgling hadn't tried to run away again and he had chosen to interpret that as a positive sign. But now he was refusing to get up from his spot on the floor.

"Look, it's- It's exactly as it should be, right?" Ranboo gestures at the bed. He almost sounds like he's questioning himself. As if this isn't the exact nest he'd spent consecutive weeks in when he was first turning. "It's very comfy and soft and I'm sure we can get it warmed up in no time. You'll feel better."

Still nothing.

Something settles deep in Ranboo's gut. It's unpleasant and painful, and he knows it's probably bad. But it eats at some uncertain part of him that clouds his mind. He's angry. Angry that his fledgling isn't listening.

Angry that he would deny Ranboo's care. Can't he see that Ranboo is trying to help?

But it's gone as soon as it pops up and Ranboo feels terrible because of course, of course this fledgling would not recognize a nest when he was kept in a cell. of course, Ranboo will have to show him.

The man flinches a little when Ranboo grabs his wrist. He tries to grab high enough that his fingers don't press into any bruises or scars.

"You need to rest."

The fledgling struggle against him. Ranboo shakes his head, patient. He's a lot stronger than his fledgling, especially in his current state, so it's not too hard to drag him over to where they need to be.

Just as Ranboo thought, his precious one does not know what's good for him.

When they're both in the nest, the struggling dies down quick enough. As if a flip has been switched in his brain. The man's pupils dilate again, not unlike what happened during thrall. But it's a different kind of instinct he's lost in now. His chest rises and falls rapidly with unneeded pseudo-breathes.

Ranboo holds his fledgling close to his chest, threading fingers into long pink hair gently and pretending he can’t feel the way he shivers at his touch. The fear inside his fledgling spikes, feeding through the bond until it has Ranboo cringing.

But he ignores it.

Soon this will be easier. Ranboo knows it will be.

[gffa]

The entire run of this comic up to this point has been exactly like this--Vader trying to find Padme’s body while the people of Naboo still loyal to Padme try to stop him, where Anakin is coming face to face with a past in both the current time and in his own red-tinged memories, his brutal coldness at refusing to engage with them as Anakin Skywalker, his brutal murder of anyone who steps in his way, that the most he offers Sabe is a willingness to let her go if she leaves now, to leave her in the dirt next to Padme’s tomb. The way the comic uses Vader’s memories, the sweet moments from The Phantom Menace and occasionally Attack of the Clones, the way the red seems to swing back and forth between painfully haunting to something almost sweetly warm and then back to ruthlessly cutting into Vader, to catch up to the current vision--that everything up to this point in red has been a memory, something to parallel the current timeline but never quite touching it, always still separate, but then it’s crashing right into the current time. Vader’s perspective is no longer just softer moments from the movies, it’s no longer sweet memories of Padme (contrasted against the cruel things he’s doing to those very people in the current time, but sweet memories all the same), but the red-tinted perspective of what he’s done now.  The Amidalans that he’s cut down now are shown in the same filter that has shown all those memories.  The people and creatures and things of Naboo that he has cut down in his path towards Padme’s grave, that everything that was a reminder of her and this planet she came from, that has stood in his way, has been cut down. And you can’t deny that Anakin and Vader are the same person, that what drives Vader is what drove Anakin.  That his memories aren’t of a separate person, no matter how hard Vader is trying to kill off that part of himself that is in horrific pain. The way he looks over them, their pained groans because they feel they’ve failed Padme, they’re sorry because they couldn’t do more for her name, contrasted against everything he’s done for Padme that isn’t really about what she wanted at all, then crashing the two perspectives, Anakin’s memories and Vader’s current point of view, it’s just an absolute explosion of tension leading up to what is always one of the most central themes of connection between the OT and the PT:  Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker. None of this feels accidental, right up to Vader’s final memory before it turns into his current perspective:

“I made this for you, so you’d remember me.” Fucking woof. What a note to deliver it home with. Little Anakin Skywalker wanted to be remembered. Big Anakin Skywalker is murdering everything that ever could possibly remember him. This is the story of Darth Vader between ROTS and ANH, it was the same with the 2017 comic, where every single story in that comic was about Vader trying to murder the people who remembered him, the people who represented paths he could have chosen instead of this one, trying to murder the core of himself when he couldn’t bring Padme back.  It was about him violently rejecting the knowledge that Obi-Wan would have accepted him back, if he’d gone to him. This is the story of Vader and Ahsoka’s confrontation in Rebels, where he can’t tolerate her living because she remembers him as he used to be.  Even when she was willing to accept him again, said she wouldn’t leave him, not this time, he was still going to kill her because he just could not tolerate it. He could not tolerate being remembered as he was versus what he had done and who he was now. But he can’t ever really kill that part of himself.  He can’t separate the two out, no matter how much he tries or the narrative sets up the two as different.  Those perspectives eventually will crash into each other and merge into one, because Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker. Even if he murders everyone who ever remembered him, he will still always remember Anakin Skywalker.

[shititbe]

Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.

Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality? 

Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies. 

Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners. 

Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May

They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy. 

They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext. 

Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships. 

So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer? 

Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.  

Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit. 

This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely. 

Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter. 

You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you. 

Making out with The Thing? Gay. 

This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak). 

 Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it. 

This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship. 

I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them. 

Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual). 

Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates. 

Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.  

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay. 

For the Found Family Trope: 

Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though 

I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.

The Soulmates part I know I have to back up. 

For SoulMates:  

Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.

Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping. 

Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed. 

They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you. 

To conclude my point: 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

[bigassheart]

I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention? 

1. Luther

Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead. 

This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal. 

So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that. 

But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions. 

He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it! 

2. Diego

In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante. 

So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be. 

And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy’s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid. 

Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end. 

“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”  

Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father. 

3. Allison

Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again. 

It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers. 

This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving. 

And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and... 

And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started. 

Only not entirely. 

She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger. 

4. Klaus

Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration. 

Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason. 

After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive. 

He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this. 

I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well. 

They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself. 

But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point. 

I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post. 

5. Five

OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five. 

What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.  

An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true. 

6. Ben

As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season. 

Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill. 

And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive. 

So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid. 

7. Vanya

OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia. 

But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves. 

That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her. 

Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode. 

[watchmegetobsessed]

Waiting for you - Harry Styles

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

i wrote it over like a month ago, but kept it for today, i hope yall will like it! it’s a cute bestfriends to lovers fic, so yeah... happy holidays, hope you are having an amazing time!

word count: 13k

masterlist

Harry Styles has been a household name around your home, but not for the reason many would think. While for the rest of the world he was the famous singer, former member of One Direction and recent solo artist, the guy who performs at the biggest arenas, wins awards and sings his heart out through the radio, for you and your mom he was the goofy, curly haired boy who lived across the street with his mum, sister and stepdad.

You still remember all too clear the first time you met him. You and your mum just moved into your new home after the nasty divorce of your parents, ready to start a new life. You’ve barely turned twelve, it was quite the awkward stage of your teenage years, you were still trying to find yourself on the rocky road of growing up. Moving to a whole new town and switching schools were terrifying and you had quite a few nightmares about possible outcomes of being the new girl in the neighborhood.

You and your mum just finished unpacking the dishes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and you wandered behind her, curiously peeking at the guests under her arm as she held the door open.

“Hi! We saw the trucks and thought we would say hi! I’m Anne and this is my son, Harry,” the nice woman greeted your mum and stepping aside she gestured towards the teenage boy standing next to her.

His green eyes fell to you almost immediately and you forgot to breathe for a moment. You were not the kind to crush that easily on guys, well, not until you laid your eyes on Harry. He smirked at you, nodding in your way in such an easy-going manner and you could feel the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks and ears.

Anne and your mum quickly became good friends. She was the rock your mum definitely needed after such a bad year behind her and you were glad she found support in such a wonderful woman as Anne. Their newly funded friendship got stronger day by day until the two families just… simply felt one.

Growing up the Styles siblings and Anne came and go in your home as if they lived there too. On many occasions you came home from school only to find Anne in the kitchen while your mother wasn’t even home. Anne always knew when your mum was working the night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse and always made sure you had a warm dinner on those evenings, often inviting you over to just stay at theirs while your mum was away working. Birthdays, graduations, Easters and Christmases, they were all spent at either yours or at the Styles home, strengthening the bond between the two families.

You have always had a strong friendship with Gemma, but maybe because you were closer in age or for something else, but you became the closest with Harry. Two peas in a pod, as your mums liked to call the two of you. You weren’t just neighbors or good friends, it was clear to anyone and to both of you as well that you were the best of friends. You were there for each other at the best and worst of times, before and after Harry’s launch to stardom. You were there with him all along, sometimes physically, sometimes just through text messages and reassuring calls when he just needed a piece of his home away from home. Late night calls and talks were your usual when he was on the road and he made sure to only talk about his life after you’ve told him everything about yours, even if the most interesting thing was that you were able to buy three socks for the price of two. Harry listened and cared for everything that happened to you, not letting you think even for a moment that he would forget about his best friend when he is on the other side of the planet.

The two of you grew up together and while his life consisted of concerts, screaming fans, telly appearances and award shows, your mundane everydays went on the same was as any normal young girl’s: you graduated from high school, went to uni and then started a career for yourself. As time was moving it became a little more and more complicated to stay as close as you used to, though, both of you terribly busy with your own personal lives, so the calls, texts and meetings became less frequent, but you were always able to pick up from where you left, it was as easy with him as it could be.

Maybe that’s why you grew to love him in a more than friendly way through the years. Slowly, but surely you started to realize what an amazing man he really was –is. It was impossible not to fall for him, however you valued your close friendship more than to just ruin it with dropping a bomb on Harry. You always thought he doesn’t feel the same way, so you were sadly left with your daydreams and fantasies about him only your bedroom walls heard.

This year it’s gonna be the tenth Christmas you get to celebrate together, quite the anniversary. There were only two years when you didn’t see each other during the holidays, the first one because you and your mum spent it in Canada with some relatives that live there, and the second one was because Harry couldn’t come home a few years ago, having a too tight schedule. But this year, everyone made sure to make it back home in time. Harry called you three month before Christmas to check in if you are still gonna coming home.

“Would be an idiot not to. Can’t wait to stuff my head with cookies!” you chuckled.

“Have you found your sweater yet?” Harry questioned, the muffled noise of the traffic around him broke through the line as he was on his way home when he called.

“Not yet. But I’ve been looking. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win this year,” you smirked in victory.

“Oh, not so fast with the assumptions, little girl!” he warned you making you laugh.

The two of you had a kind of tradition. Every year, you go on mission to find the ugliest Christmas sweaters one could find, and then perform a chosen song at the karaoke machine after dinner, entertaining the rest of the family. Those performances are the best memories you nurse. Your absolute favorite one was just a couple of years ago when Harry’s sweater was filled with weird looking reindeers in quite inappropriate poses, he even added a glittery pair of sunnies and he sang I Want To Break Free from the Queen. Everyone was on the floor laughing as he took the living room by storm as if it was the Maddison Square Garden filled with thousands of screaming fans, while it was just the five of you.

He won that year, Hell, even you voted on him, giving him the cleanest win of all times, but you swore to live up to that performance and you really feel like this year is gonna be your chance to live up to that promise. You have quite some tricks up your sleeves.

These past couple of years you were anxiously waiting for the holidays to roll around, because you knew you would get to spend so much time with Harry and through the year, even with several occasions of the two of you meeting, you missed him dearly. Sometimes you selfishly wished he would have just stayed the boy across the street so your lives could take tracks that run at least close to each other, but you always reminded yourself that his work was his life and you would have never taken away his true passion and happiness. Besides, you love watching him perform from time to time, that was just one of your favorite sides of him, see his eyes shine so bright as he sang to his fans. You used to envy the fangirls, it always seemed like he had a special connection with them, but you realized that you were one of them. You felt the same excitement when he stepped on the stage, you bought all his albums, even though he made sure you’d be one of the first people to get your hands on it. You had a second copy of them, because buying it gave you the extra jolt of happiness and the feeling that you were a tiny part of his success too. You watched all his music videos, knew the lyrics to his songs and cheered on him whenever he won another award. Difference was that at the end of the day you could call him and tell him how proud you were of him and he stared back at you with that beautiful grin, his dimples digging deep in his cheeks, telling you that he wouldn’t be here without you. You always knew he just said it to make you feel special, but he insisted it was the truth.

“I’m telling you. It you weren’t with me I would have gone crazy already, pulling a Justin Bieber or summat. Don’t think you are any less than what you are, that’s just daft.”

Every time he said something along those lines those damned butterflies in your stomach went crazy and you tried your best to ignore them. You didn’t always succeed, but the effort was there.

 Now it’s two days before Christmas and you are already standing in your old room after coming home from London, leaving your small but cozy little apartment empty until the next year. The walls are still the same lilac color you chose when you were fourteen, a twin bed is pushed against the wall under your window, the wardrobe’s door is littered with old pictures from high school and ones you cut out from magazines. You just never got around to take them down and after a while it brought you a comforting sense every time you came home. A warm nostalgia took over you when you saw them, so they eventually stayed.

Your suitcase is lying on the floor as you unpack some stuff you’ll be using often during your stay, but you don’t get far in the packing when you hear an all too familiar voice coming from downstairs. Leaving your stuff as it is you rush down and throw your arms around Anne from behind, who is standing in the kitchen with your mum.

“My sweet angel! How are you?!” she cheers turning around in your hold to hug you back, giving you a tight squeeze before she pushes you away so she can have a good look on you. “Swear you get prettier every time I see you!”

“Stop it, my head’s gonna get big,” you chuckle feeling yourself blushing a little.

“Never gonna stop praising my daughter,” she smiles and gifts you with a cheeky wink.

Anne was never shy to let you know that she thought of you as a second daughter and you still remember how it felt when she called you that for the first time. It felt nice to know that you could count on her no matter what.

The three of you chat in the kitchen, Anne asks you about your job and how things have been going, she hasn’t seen you in a while. You missed the times when you could just go across the street and have a talk with her whenever you wanted, but since you’ve moved to London, Harry wasn’t the only one you didn’t get to see as often as you would have wanted. Your job and life overall got you so busy sometimes, you barely had time to call your own mum.

“Harry is arriving this evening. Wanna come with us to fetch him up at the airport?” she asks you and of course you say yes. You wouldn’t miss the chance to greet him with a bone crushing hug just after he lands.

However, as the time nears when you’d have to leave to the airport, Anne calls you up and asks if you could go on your own.

“I didn’t finish cooking and Gems is in an online meeting. Would you mind if you went alone?” she asks and though it sounds a little made up, you don’t question her.

On your way to the airport you are nervously drumming on the wheel, the thought of seeing Harry excites and worries you a little. It’s been months since you last seen him in the flesh and though you’ve talked plenty of times on the phone and in video calls, it’s just not the same. You find yourself wondering if he still smells the same, if you’ll fit the same way into his embrace as before. When you were younger you often liked to think about the two of you as two pieces of legos when you hugged. Your frame just fitted so perfectly against his body, he was your absolutely favorite person to hug.

Standing in a corner at the terminal, you keep checking the board until his flight’s status changes to landed. Then your eyes are glued to the sliding glass doors, knowing well it’s gonna take him some time to get his bags and walk out, but you are just way too excited to finally see him again.

People start walking through the doors and your head perks up every time you see a slightly tall frame, only to realize it’s still not him. Until it is.

You can’t bite your growing smile back when you spot him, a beanie and the hood of his hoodie covering his mop of hair, sunnies hiding his eyes, but you’d recognize him even from just the tiniest detail. You push yourself away from the wall as you see him look around, probably searching for his mum and sister, because he was already on his way when Anne decided it’s gonna be you who fetches him up, so he doesn’t know about the change.

“Excuse me, can I get a picture?” you ask teasingly walking up to him and for a moment you can tell he believes it’s a fan who recognized him, but his face quickly changes once his eyes land on you.

“Fo’ fuck’s sake, you had me for a second,” he breathes out, his arms already reaching out to pull you against him and you gladly envelop yourself into his hold. “What are you doing here?” he mumbles tightening his arms around you, and you don’t mind it. As you face is pressed into his shoulder you smile when you realize that he still smells the same. Like home.

“Your mum asked me to come and get you because she didn’t finish cooking. But if you ask me she just wanted to surprise you with me. You happy to see me?” you smirk up at him letting your head fall back so you could look into his eyes.

“Always,” he grins before placing a soft kiss to your temple and letting go of you.

The two of you leave the terminal before anyone could recognize him and packing his stuff up into the car you head back home.

You hand your phone over to him once you hit the road so he can be in charge of the music and it’s no surprise when he starts playing Christmas music straight away. Grinning to yourself you glance over at him and see him scrolling through your camera roll like the nosy little gremlin that he is.

“Hey! I did not give you permission to snoop around my phone!” you warn him, but don’t try to snatch it away from him, there’s really nothing he shouldn’t see, besides, half of those pics have been sent to him through messages.

“Just tryna catch up w’ you,” he mumbles under his breath, continuously opening up photos he is interested in. “New couch, eh?” he asks showing you the screen for a second.

“Yeah, bought it a few weeks ago. You like it?”

“Looks comfy. I should try it out sometime.”

“You never sleep on my couch, what are you talking about?”

“Right, you always drag me t’ your bed,” he snorts and you gasp at him, smacking his chest gently.

“That’s so not true! You always just arbitrarily make yourself comfortable in my bed and I don’t have the heart to kick you out,” you correct him.

There hasn’t been many times when Harry crashed at your place, but when he did, he always slept in your bed with you, and the two of you have shared a bed a few other times prior too. It’s nothing new, though it does have a deeper meaning for you than for him, you think. Waking up with Harry snoring lightly next to you, admiring how peaceful and beautiful he is in this intimate state, you just wish you could see him like this all the time.

Harry smirks at you cheekily, scrunching his nose as he chuckles.

“’Cause I wouldn’t want to sleep anywhere else, Love,” he says before turning his attention back to your phone while you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

It’s quite late by the time you get home, you’ve run into some traffic, but it just meant more time with Harry. You gladly listened to his stories and you are happy you got some alone time with him. Parking up to your driveway you help him unload his bags before locking the car.

“Wanna go to the Christmas market in the morning? Promised Gemma I’d go with her and Michal,” he asks, slowly walking down the driveway towards his home.

“Uh, sure,” you nod smiling. Not that you had any other plans, the holidays are reserved for family and the Styles’ are family.

“Great, I’ll be here at ten. And thanks for the ride,” he smirks waving goodbye and you watch him cross the street before he disappears in his home and you do the same.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mum calls out when you walk in.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” you ask, hanging your coat before you join her in the living room.

“Not,” she smiles giddily. “Was everything alright at the airport?”

You throw your legs over her lap and she squeezes your ankles playfully.

“Yeah, everything fine.”

“How is Harry?”

“Cheeky and smug, as always,” you huff smirking.

“Can’t wait to see him. I feel like I haven’t seen ‘im in ages.”

“When are they coming over tomorrow?”

“Anne said she’ll come around four to help me cook, the rest I don’t know. Dinner will be done around seven though.”

“I’m pretty sure Gemma and Harry will be here along with Anne,” you snort, knowing well they wouldn’t miss a chance to come over, especially Harry. He has been talking nonstop how he’ll be glued to your hip once he is back home, making up for all the time you’ve spent apart.

“They surely will,” your mum chuckles before you both turn your attention at the telly.

You go to bed way after midnight and finish up the packing you left abruptly when you left to get Harry. Shuffling around in your room you glance out the window and see that the light in Harry’s room is on too. Peeking out you lean against the window’s frame, thinking about the times when the two of you sat in the window, talking on the phone after curfew, keeping your voice down so your parents didn’t wake up, sharing secrets and your silliest thoughts. With Harry, you never felt like you had to keep anything back, he would have never judged you for anything, you could be your true self around him and vice versa.

A tall figure appears at the window and as Harry glances out his window he is quick to see you sitting on the window sill, your head resting against the frame. The two houses are not far away from each other and you see him grinning as he sits at the window as well, pulling out his phone, a moment later yours starts buzzing on the nightstand. You quickly grab it, and go back to the window.

“Creeping on me, eh?” he hums into the phone and you roll your eyes at him.

“Was just admiring the street lights, don’t flatter yourself, your head is getting too big,” you huff, but you can’t push your smirk down.

“Admit it, you were hoping to see me roam around naked, weren’t you?”

“As if I haven’t seen you like that before,” you snort making him laugh too. It’s true, Harry has never been shy to get rid of his clothes and he also doesn’t bother to draw the blinds whenever he is changing. You once saw him butt naked when he was nineteen, and when you told him to close the blinds next time he is changing, he just shrugged with a smug smile.

“’M not ashamed of anything, Love,” he told you and you had to turn away because you were blushing for sure.

“Right, you’re a fan of putting yourself on full display when you’re naked, almost forgot,” you chuckle shaking your head. “Millions of girls have the picture of you, lying naked on their walls.”

“You one of them?” he cheekily asks.

“Nah, doesn’t go well with the vibe of my apartment.”

“Shame. Though I think it would definitely look amazin’ above your bed, Love.”

“Now would it? I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll get you a copy framed,” he smirks and you can see it clear even from the distance. “Y’ know what? I’ll make you an exclusive one. One that nobody else has, how does that sound?”

“I can’t believe you, Styles,” you chuckle shaking your head. “I’m not gonna answer this, just gonna head to bed. You should too.”

“So we’re not sharing any secrets like we used to? Thought you’d have something fo’ me.”

“You know everything, Harry,” you sigh with a soft smile, though your heart skips a beat. He does know everything, except one big, fat, heavy secret you’ve been carrying around for way too long, that will probably stay with you forever.

“Right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Love,” he murmurs and you know he is smiling, thought he steps away from the window as he says goodbye and you do the same before ending the call.

 ***

 “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest as Harry steals another roasted chestnut from your little paper bag, but you can’t stay mad at him when he is smiling at you so sweetly.

“Sorry, tastes better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Sure,” you snort and just let him get as many as he wants. You wouldn’t have eaten it all anyway.

It’s quite cold out in the town, but at least there’s no rain or storm, so the weather didn’t try to ruin your little trip to the Christmas market.

Gemma calls out for Harry to show him something and you just keep wandering between the booths, enjoying the atmosphere quite a lot, you have no idea when was the last time you got to come to the market, though you always loved coming when you were younger.

Finishing up your chestnuts you throw the paper bag into a trash can and turn around to find the rest of your little group, spotting Harry and Gemma deep in discussion next to a booth that offers handmade ceramic mugs. As you walk closer it almost seems like as if they were having a fight, which is just odd, they rarely do that.

“Just get your head out of your arse!” you catch Gemma telling her brother who only groans in frustration before he spots you, a smile plastering across his face.

“Hey, there you are!” he beams.

“Everything alright?” you ask looking at them.

“Sure, just Gemma is being a little nosy, is all,” Harry waves in dismiss. You glance over to Gems, but she is already back in discussion with Michal so you decide to drop it. “You ate all the chestnuts?” Harry asks offended, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, it was mine, so of course I ate them!”

“Selfish,” he narrows his eyes at you, but you both know it’s just a joke.

You walk further down in the aisle, occasionally stopping at some of the booth when you spot a place that offers hot chocolate in cute little mugs that you can take home with you if you’d like, or just take it back and get your money back.

“Oh look!” you gasp excitedly and head towards the hot chocolate booth. The old lady smiles brightly at the two of you as you take a look at all the choices. “Oh my god, they have caramel flavored!” you cheer, basically already drooling at the thought of a good, caramel flavored hot chocolate.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?” the lady smiles warmly at the two of you and you freeze at her assumption.

“Oh we—“ you start, but Harry cuts you off.

“A caramel flavored and a plain one, please,” he orders, without even batting an eye about how the lady just called you a couple. You can feel your cheeks heating up at the thought, but you try to calm yourself. He probably just didn’t want to get into explaining that you two are not an item and let her think what she wanted.

The nice lady hands you your mug and you take Harry’s as well as he pays for both of them. You would try to argue with him and pay yours, but you are already used to how stubborn he is and he never lets you split anything, it’s always on him.

“Thank you, have a nice day!” Harry calls out to the lady before the two of you leave. You peek at him handing him his mug, looking for any clue that would give away if this little scene got him just as bothered as it did you, but he looks perfectly fine and relaxed, so you decide not to bring it up. You’re sure he didn’t think much of it.

Your little stroll stretches into the afternoon, the four of you decide to have lunch out there too, then you just opt for a walk in town as Gemma wants to do a quick last minute Christmas shopping, so by the time you get home Anne is already over at yours helping your mum with dinner. Tonight you are all eating at yours, then tomorrow it’s the Styles’ turn to host, this is how you agreed this year.

“Woah, it smells amazing!” you call out walking into the house. The delicious smells fill up the whole place and you hear the two women giggling in the kitchen.

“Hi Honey, how was the market?” your mum greets you, a glass of red wine in her hand and the same goes for Anne.

“Great, we have a new mug,” you say holding up the emptied out hot chocolate mug. Stepping to the sink you wash it quickly and drying off you put it away in one of the cabinets.

You stick around in the kitchen and not so much later Harry comes over, the two of you leave your mums alone and get comfortable in front of the telly.

All channels are filled with holiday movies and you don’t mind, really, you like them all even if you’ve seen them a million times, you still find them funny and cute. Harry feels the same way, so when you settle on Love Actually he doesn’t say a word.

What startles you is that he grabs your ankles and pulls your legs over his lap, a small shriek escaping your mouth since you weren’t expecting him to do that. You’re sitting sideways, your legs are bent at the knee and Harry is kind of hugging them as his eyes are glued to the screen.

You find it rather hard to focus on the movie when Harry’s fingers keep fidgeting on your legs, they keep running up and down, sometimes he lays his hands flat on your knees, there’s no spot he hasn’t touched since you started watching the movie.

About an hour into the film he turns to you and you look at him in question.

“’M in the mood to cuddle,” he announces and starts moving around, not even letting you protest as he basically crawls to your lap, resting his head on your stomach as the two of you lay on the couch.

“Am I now your personal pillow?” you ask chuckling, but you wouldn’t want him to move for anything. Feeling him weigh down on you just feels so warm and simple but amazing.

“The best one,” he mumbles, bringing a hand to your side as you let your fingers comb through his curls.

You keep massaging his scalp and he lets out soft moans when you go over a soft spot, you can’t help but chuckle as he melts under your hands. His fingers start drawing circles on your side and the movie is long forgotten by you, all you can focus on is how great it is to have Harry so close to you. He is known to be a physical person, you are used to hugs and touches, but it seems like he is a little needier now than the usual.

You don’t mind it though, you just try to enjoy the moment, because it can end anytime.

Gemma and Michal come over a little before seven, and while your mums finish up the cooking the four of you set the table. You grab the crystal glasses and start placing them to the table, Harry lending you a hand. Once the table is all set you shuffle into the kitchen to see if there’s anything you can help with, Harry following you behind, placing a hand to the small of your back.

As you stand and wait for you mum to finish up the meals so you can help carry them to the table you feel Harry’s hand wander over to your hip, giving it a squeeze as he stands closer, so his chest is pressed against your back.

“Harry?” you ask a little out of breath.

“Hm?” he innocently hums.

“What’s with you today?” Turning your head to the side your eyes lock with his, but he just shrugs smiling.

“Guess I just missed yeh a lot.”

“You’re weird,” you chuckle shaking your head, but don’t make an effort to push him away. His touch feels way too good to put an end to it and you just want to be selfish a little longer.

His hands leave you when the two of you help to bring the food to the table, and you almost wish they would just return, but you gotta swallow the thought.

The food is amazing, as always. You all sip on some wine, just having a genuinely good time, enjoying that all of you are back at one place, something that rarely happens now that all three of you kids are all grown up.

At one point Harry rests his arm on the back of your chair, no one seems to notice but you. All these little things have been driving you crazy all day and your mind seems to be playing a nasty game with you. There’s no way Harry thinks of these details more than what they are, a friendly gesture towards an old friend of his.

When Gemma is telling a story about some weird guy she met at work Harry reaches up and pushes your hair behind your ear, his finger lingering over your neck a little longer than you would have expected. Turning to face him you give him a questioning look, not sure what to think about his needy and touchy self all of a sudden.

“What?” you mouth him, but he just smiles at you absentmindedly, curling a strand of hair around his finger, playing with it for a moment before letting go of it and going for another lock. You reach up and pull his hand away, feeling yourself heating up from his touch, but when you are about to let go of his hand he grabs yours, lacing your fingers together with yours as he rests them on his thigh.

“Harry…” you breathe out, glancing at the others, relieved to see that they are not paying much attention to the two of you.

“What? Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks with a smug smirk and you roll your eyes at him.

“As I said, you’re weird,” you mumble under your breath looking down at your now empty plate. Harry gives your hand a squeeze.

“But like, the good kind of weird, yeah?”

“Shut up,” you chuckle shaking your head at him.

You try to tell yourself he is just needy because it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It can’t be more, you push even the smallest thought to the back of your mind, though it surely lingers there throughout the evening.

He helps you with washing the dishes, you stand arm to arm at the sink as you scrub the plates and hand over to him for drying. He gently hums to himself all along, swaying his hips, bumping against yours. At first you resist it, but then you catch the rhythm and start moving along, so your hips meet in the middle before swinging to the opposite side.

“What’s the song?” you ask finishing up the last plate.

“Just something random,” he shrugs smirking over at you. You hand him the last plate, he is still singing, making up gibberish lyrics to his song and once he puts the plate down he throws the kitchen cloth to the counter and easily grabs your waist pulling you against him as he starts swaying with you to his impromptu song. You let out a small shriek at the sudden movement, but eventually melt into his hold. The humming slowly turns into an all too familiar melody as Harry starts singing Sweet Creature into your ear, slow dancing in the kitchen while you hear your mums and Gemma laugh outside somewhere.

Your hands run up his arms and stop behind his neck as you lock your fingers and let him hold you close, his palms are pressed to your waist, fingers gently stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. You take a deep breath and his cologne fills your nose, one of your favorite scents, sometimes you just wish you could spray it on your pillow so it would always smell like him.

“Sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home…” he softly sings, leaning back just enough for your eyes to meet. It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest, it’s not the first time you feel so intimidated by him, like you could pass out any moment, but this is a little different. As if his eyes were telling you another story, but you can’t completely make up the words.

“Sweet creature, when I run out of road, you bring me home, you’ll bring me home.” He finishes the song, hums the closing melody and you watch him in complete awe. Your lips part when you catch his gaze move down to them and you swear you see him leaning closer, as if he is about to kiss you. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he is so close, just a few more inches and you’d taste those perfect lips of his, the ones you’ve been dreaming about for way too long.

It almost happens, it seems, but just when that last push is about to set in Gemma waltz into the kitchen and you step back faster than light, pushing him away even though the sudden lack of his touch is more painful than you were expecting.

“You guys—Oh, what’s up?” she asks stopping at the door and you feel yourself getting redder with each passing moment, the heat crawling up your neck, ears cheeks, right to the top of your head. What were you thinking? You let yourself believe Harry would ever kiss you, this whole scene was nothing more than just a friendly moment the two of you were sharing.

“I’m—sorry,” you breathe out making your way out of the kitchen, right up to your room to have some well needed space.

“Way to ruin everything,” Harry snickers at his sister.

“You joking? You wanted to kiss her in her mum’s kitchen?” Gemma snaps at him in disbelief.

“We were having a moment,” he mumbles rubbing his face with his hands. “Up until you stomped in with your big mouth.”

“Well, if you were havin’ a moment, just make it happen again.”

“As if it’s that easy, Gemma!” he scoffs throwing his hands in the air.

“Man up and tell her how you feel, don’t have to complicate it too much,” she shrugs before walking out and leaving her brother alone. Harry growls in frustration, the gears in his head turning wildly as he is trying to figure out how to come clear to you about his feelings.

 Meanwhile, up in your room you get out your laptop and busy yourself with checking up on messages and emails you’ve been ignoring, hoping that the uneasy feeling in your chest will ease very soon. Your hands were shaking when you locked yourself up in your room, but as you get focused on other tasks you slowly gain your balance back.

You kind of even forget that the Styles’ were over, you only realize that you abruptly pulled yourself out of the evening when there’s a soft knock on your door.

“Come on in!” you call out and a moment later Harry’s head pops in, eyes softly falling on your sitting figure on the bed. “Hey,” you smile at him faintly.

“Hey. Thought you were sleepin’s or summat.” Coming inside he closes the door behind him then sits on your plush rug in the middle of the room.

“Just… sorted some work related things out,” you sigh.

“Working during the holidays? Tha’s not healthy.”

“I know, I’m done,” you smile shutting the laptop down and putting it aside. “Sorry I disappeared, I just—“

“No worries,” Harry shakes his head. “Mum and Gems went home, they thought you were sleeping too, tha’s why they didn’t say goodbye.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But I thought we could have a sleepover,” he peeks at you with a boyish smile.

“What, like we did in middle school?” you chuckle.

“Yea, thought it would be fun.”

“Well, I don’t think my bed would fit us comfortably and we don’t have the mattress anymore that you used to sleep on,” you tell him looking around.

“Nonsense, I’m not tha’ big,” he insists hopping to his feet and throwing himself on the bed, ignoring that you’re already there. His body takes up more than half on the bed , limbs wrapping around you as he brings you down to the mattress next to him, you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips.

“You’re like a gigantic baby, Harry!” you laugh as he keeps you down on the bed with his arm.

“It’s perfectly fine for two people,” he mumbles with a smirk, closing his eyes as his head sinks into your pillow.

“Do you ever get no as an answer?” you ask looking at him in awe. You can never get used to seeing him so up close, like not many get to.

“No,” he huffs in satisfaction, his arm bringing you closer to him and you just giggle at him.

“I’m not sleeping just yet, gotta have a shower first.”

“Do what you want, I’ll be here,” he mumbles but you snort at him.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed without having a shower,” you tell him before you grab your pajamas and head to the bathroom.

You have a quick shower and get done with all your evening business. Returning to your room you find Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he is scrolling through his phone.

“Does mum know you’re staying over?” you ask him as you throw your used clothes into the hamper, moving around the room while feeling his eyes on you.

“Yeah. ‘S all good.”

“You need a towel?”

“Yes please,” he says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Clothes?” you ask with an arched brow. He just grins at you and it’s enough of an answer. “Here,” you give him the shirt and sweats he has left at yours quite some time ago, along with a clean towel.

“Thanks,” he smirks before leaving to occupy the bathroom.

He doesn’t take long in there, you’re lying in bed already when he returns, smelling like your shower gel, strawberry and melon.

He throws his clothes to the chair in the corner and then lies beside you on the bed. You scoot over to the wall to give him space, but he is quick to bring you closer to him once he has made himself comfortable. You lay your head on his shoulder as you are both scrolling through your phones.

When you had enough, you throw yours to the nightstand, and stay cuddled up to his side.

“Do you remember the last time I slept here?” he asks tossing his phone to the nightstand and bringing his arms around you.

“Mm, was it at my twentieth birthday?”

“Yeah. You were so wasted,” he chuckles and you smirk to yourself

“But you took good care of me.”

“I did. You were so cute, rambling about how much you love me when I took you home from the pub.”

You bite into your bottom lip. You still remember that night vividly. Your birthday party had gone a little wild and you had gotten drunker than you intended to. Luckily, he was there to bring your home and he stayed in the bathroom with you as you threw up everything you ate and drank that evening. Then he made you take a shower, got you fresh clothes out and helped you get into bed. He slept next to you that night, holding you in his arms, gently caressing your back and upper arm as you fell into your drunken slumber. In the morning you told yourself he just did what any other friend would do, helping you out when you were clearly knocked out, but he made you breakfast in the morning since your mum was working all night and morning and he stayed over later the afternoon to make sure you were alright.

What you told him in your drunken state about loving him, it wasn’t just your friendly side, it was your drunken self coming clear to him, telling him that you are in love with him, but he didn’t take it seriously and you were too ashamed and awkward to even bring it up to him after that, so it was all forgotten very soon.

Following that you planned on telling him how you feel, several times. You even wrote a little speech you planned to give him when the time comes, but you couldn’t do it. The fear of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same was stronger than you expected and every time you had the chance to come clear, you chickened out. The thought of losing him as a friend is way worse than having to push your feelings down... forever. You just can’t imagine your life without Harry in it and you can’t risk losing him.

The two of you talk for quite a while, laughing about the good old times, until you both fall asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night you wake up and feel Harry wrapped around you, his head lying on your chest as he is snoring softly. He truly is like a big baby, an arm thrown over your stomach, his legs tangled with yours. Good Lord, how amazing it feels to have him so close to you!

Reaching up you tangle your fingers through his hair gently so he doesn’t wake up, his soft curls glide between your fingers easily and lifting your head you kiss the top of his head before letting yourself drift back to sleep.

When you open your eyes the next time the situation is the opposite, you are the one cuddled up to Harry’s side who is scrolling through his phone with one hand, keeping the other one on your arm.

“Mornin’, sleepy head,” he chuckles softly when he sees you awake.

“Mmm, what time is it?” you ask letting your head rest on his chest a little longer.

“Quarter to nine. You can sleep a little more if you want, it’s not that late.”

“No, I promised mum I’d help her wrap gifts,” you sigh rolling over to your stomach as you push yourself up to your elbows to look at him. “Love the double chin you got going there,” you tease him sleepily and he just smirks.

“Yea? Quite cute, right? Worked a lot on it,” he jokes running his finger over it before letting out a chuckle. “Ready for our battle today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. You are going down this year, Styles,” you tell him pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Harry only pushes himself further on the bed enough to rest his head against the headboard.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be that sure about tha’,” he warns you, but you are feeling pretty confident about your performance this year. There’s no way he can top it.

“We’ll see. Alright, I need a coffee. Want something for breakfast?” you ask him crawling out of the bed.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Your mum is already in the kitchen, sipping on her morning coffee while reading the paper. She doesn’t find it even a bit weird that Harry spent the night at yours, it’s been quite the usual for you. Harry helps you make eggs and bacon and the three of you eat together, having a lovely time and you genuinely feel like it’s just like in the good old times when you were still living home and Harry wasn’t Harry Styles, but the boy from across the street.

He goes home after breakfast to help his own mum with the cooking for tonight’s dinner and you don’t do much for the rest of the day, just spend time with your mum, watch movies and relax. It’s nice to unwind after such a busy year behind you.

Not long before five you go to take a shower and get ready to head over to the Styles’ and you pack everything you’ll need for the evening: gifts, ugly sweater, accessories. Harry is going down this year for sure.

It’s a little past six when you and your mum walk across the street, Anne’s Christmas lights are putting the little town house into the spirit for sure. You don’t even ring the bell, just walk straight in, like you always do. The Christmas tree stands tall in their living room and the table is already nicely set. Gemma and Michal are snuggled up on the couch while Harry is helping Anne in the kitchen with the finishing touches.

“I’m rooting for you this year,” Gemma winks at you when you set down your bag in the corner that has everything you’ll need for your performance.

“He’s gonna lose this round,” you smirk proudly, very sure in yourself.

Harry greets you with a bright smile and a tight hug when he walks into the living room, as if you didn’t just see each other a few hours earlier.

When the food is ready you all sit down to eat, and though you’re trying your best to focus on the conversation, you’re getting excited about tonight’s karaoke battle.

“Anxious much?” Harry asks you quietly.

“Why are you asking?”

He doesn’t answer, just places a hand to your thigh stopping it from shaking, making you realize you’ve been probably bouncing it all along. He smirks at you as you just roll your eyes at him.

“’S okay, you can handle one more year of losing,” he teases you and you give him an arched eyebrow.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Harry,” you warn him, but he just squeezes your thigh again before bringing his hands back up to the table, leaving you a little breathless with his touch.

You all help clean up the table after dinner and when it’s done, you gather in the living room to open gifts.

When Harry’s career launched, the first few years you felt anxious about gifting him, because you felt like you couldn’t give him enough. He had all the money and bought everything he needed for himself, there wasn’t much you could give him. But when one time, you admitted to him this struggle of yours he assured you that it doesn’t matter what you give him, it’ll always be precious to him.

“You thought about me, you took the time to buy something for me, and that’s more than enough, Y/N,” he told you and though it took you time, but you got used to it. Especially when you saw the same excitement in his eyes every time you gifted something to him, you slowly but surely realized he wasn’t expecting a Gucci suit, but a thoughtful gesture.

Gathering in the living room you open the presents one by one and just as always, everyone was quite creative with the gifts. You can’t help but still feel a little anxious when Harry grabs his gift from you. Giving you an excited look he unties the little bow on the top and tears the wrapping paper off.

“Y/N!” he breathes out, eyes softening as he pulls the knitted cardigan out of the box.

“I always saw you wearing all sorts of cardigans and so I finally had a reason to learn how to knit, so I thought I would make one for you,” you ramble as he holds up the baby blue cardigan that has little daisies all over the front. It took you an entire week to just make the daisies, you worked on the whole cardigan for more than two months, usually in the middle of the night, staying up until unholy hours to finish in time.

But Harry’s smile is worth it all, he is beaming, clearly so in love with what you made him, so you breathe out relieved. He then puts it aside and wraps his arms around you pulling you into the tightest hug.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” he mumbles and kisses your temple and you breathe in his sweet scent, burying yourself in his embrace, hugging his waist.

When you part, Harry reaches for a box from under the tree and hands it to you, a nervous smile tugging on his lips. You can tell he wrapped the gift himself, the silver wrapping paper is a little uneven, but the huge rainbow colored bow on the top is the perfect touch that makes it like a piece of him.

You carefully tear the paper off, peeking inside you just see a plain box that doesn’t give much away. Glancing up at Harry you see how he is anxiously biting his bottom lip, even though you’d be happy with a gift as small as a candle. It’s the thought that counts.

“I-I wasn’t sure if this was the one you mentioned to me, so I hope it’s gonna be alright,” he mumbles, eyes fixed on your hands as they open the box, while you try to think back what you have told him about that caught his attention, but you just can’t recall what you wanted to get so badly you told Harry about it.

As you open the box you don’t process what it is immediately, the plastic wrapper making it hard to figure it out, but when you carefully pull out the object, you gasp in surprise.

“Harry!” you breathe out as you pull off the plastic of the old, vintage polaroid camera. It’s not one of these new types you can buy in stores easily, this is a classic, must have quite a history behind it.

Now you vaguely remember talking about longing for an oldschool, vintage camera, but it was months ago and you’ve forgotten about the whole thing since these devices cost a fortune because there aren’t many left from them. But now there’s one in your hands, because Harry not only listened to you, but he remembered and went out of his way to find you one in amazing condition.

“This must have cost a fortune!” you huff, your heart pounding in your chest, though you already know it doesn’t matter to him.

“This face is worth every penny,” he smiles at you softly before you throw yourself at him for another round of hugging. This man surely knows how to have you wrapped around his fingers.

The two of you sit on the floor as you figure out how to make the camera work, Harry bought everything needed, so you have a few packs of films as well. When it’s all done you bring it up to your face and aim it at Harry. It takes him a moment to realize that you’re about to snap your first photo and he tries to snatch the camera away, but it’s too late, the flash goes off and the device pushes out the undeveloped picture.

“You wasted your first snap on me?” he protests rubbing his eyes after the flash blinded him for a little.

“It’s not a waste,” you tell him as you patiently wait for the picture to finally appear.

Slowly, the colors start to show and in a couple of minutes Harry’s face appears, his hand reaching in the direction of the camera, looking out of focus, only his face appearing clearly. He looks so delicate, his eyes dazzling as a soft smile plays on his lips. This moment now will live forever not just in your mind, but on this photo.

 Harry goes out with his karaoke performance this year for sure and you’d be actually anxious about him winning if only you didn’t have the absolutely best performance right in your pocket.

His sweater this year features some really ugly looking penguins and a horroristic reindeer on the back, it’s really ugly and you can’t even imagine who thought it would be fine to make it and then sell it. His choice of music is also excellent, he has a great eye for songs you’d never imagine him perform and then shock everyone with it. This year, he chose Rude Boy by none other than Rihanna, and it’s fantastic, no one can make it through the song without crying. Harry makes sure to put on his best show, even dancing and twerking unapologetically, trying everything to win the battle and you are amazed by his effort. Above all the fun and jokes, he nails the song, that’s undeniable. It always baffles you how he can just slay any and all genres, even the ones that stand a million miles away from his style.

When the song is over, you all cheer for him, because he truly deserves it. He grins down at you in victory, but you just give him a challenging smirk.

“You can just give up now, if you want,” he teases you as you stand up from the couch and the two of you trade places.

“Oh, I think you should be the one to worry about losing,” you warn him grabbing your bag. Stepping to Gemma you whisper into her ear, instructing her to put on your song when you call out from the bathroom, since you are planning on do a grandiose entrance. When she hears what song you’ll be singing she gasps.

“Oh my fucking God, no way!” he looks at your with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks, dying to know what you just told his sister, but you shake your head at him.

“Patience,” you tell him before locking yourself up in the bathroom.

This year, you didn’t find the sweater, the sweater found you. On one of your thrift tours, you were digging up a huge pile of clothes when you came right across it and you knew what you needed to do.

Putting on the sweater you fix up your hair quickly before putting on your party glasses, the one that lights up if you switch it on. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror and smirk at your reflection knowing well you’ll have everyone dead when you walk out.

“Gemma! You can start it!” you call out with your hand on the doorknob, waiting to hear the music. Gemma quickly starts in and you haven’t even stepped out, you can hear a round of gasps.

Best Song Ever blasts through the speakers and you walk out trying your best to imitate a younger version of Harry, wearing the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater ever, that has the faces of One Direction all over it, filling up every inch of the fabric, and all of them have poorly photoshopped Santa hats on, it’s just literal trash and ridiculously perfect for the battle.

You grab the mic and start singing as everyone screams in the room. You jump, sing and even do the dance moves the boys do in the original music video, and when you look at Harry you see him staring at you in disbelief and total defeat. Everyone knows you won, nothing can top this performance ever and you could burst from the sweet feeling of victory.

By the end of the song everyone is up on their feet dancing and singing with you, a mini party forming in the middle of the living room and you all scream the last lines as the song comes to its end.

“I think we don’t even need to vote this time,” you say when the music stops, everyone screaming in agreement while Harry stares down at you, trying to hide his growing smirk.

“Where did you even find this?” he asks chuckling as he takes a better look at the sweater.

“At a thrift store, it called out my name, knew it’d be perfect.”

“It really is ugly, if I’m being honest,” he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again. “And the song… I accept defeat, you earned this victory, Y/N,” he tells you bowing and admitting your victory.

 Later that night everyone is so keen on watching Holiday, you agree to stay even though you feel your eyelids heavily weighing down, threatening to close with each passing moment. You let your head rest on Harry’s shoulder and he presses his cheek against the crown of your head.

It’s not a surprise you fall asleep halfway into the movie, but what you weren’t expecting is to wake up and find yourself not on the couch anymore, but in Harry’s bed. It’s dark, only the moon is shining through his windows and as you turn to the right you see that he is sleeping peacefully next to you on his back, one arm spread next to him, hand hanging from the edge, the other one resting on his stomach, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

Squinting your eyes you look at the digital clock on his dresser, it reads 3:23 am so you’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now. You don’t even remember him bringing you up here, but you’re definitely not mad that he didn’t bring you home, just up to his room.

Rolling to your side you give yourself a moment to adorn his beauty without fearing he would catch your wandering eyes. Everything seems so perfect about him, the line of his nose, his cupid’s bow that delicately rolls into her lips. The crease between his eyebrows, his soft skin on his cheeks, down his neck that runs into his broad shoulders and inked, strong arms. You truly think there’s no man that could compare to him and you are lucky enough to live your life so close to him, be able to touch him, hear his voice whenever you miss him, see his smile and share a connection with him.

It’s so silly, but you think of him as your personal ray of sunshine in your life. Just the smallest things about him can brighten your worst day, he’ll always have a special place in your heart, no matter where life takes the two of you.

Watching him sleeping you allow yourself to break free from your doubts and fears and scooting closer you shyly curl up to his side, your head resting on his shoulder, but you can’t even make yourself comfortable before you feel him moving under you.

Sucking on your breath you think he’ll push you away, not wanting you so close, but instead, he pulls his arm from under you, curling around your frame as he pulls you tight to him, almost making you lie on top of him. Your whole body is pressed against him and you mingle a leg between his long ones under the soft sheets. You let out a long huff at the warm touch of his body against your skin, completely lost in him.

“You alright?” he mumbles in his sleep laced voice, his eyes remain closed.

“Yeah. Is this okay?” you nervously ask as you lay your hand flat on his stomach. He brings his hand that was hanging from the bed on his other side and covers yours, as he squeezes you tight to his side.

“’M all yours,” he breathes out, his words sending a shiver down your spine. You’re sure he didn’t mean it like that, but it warmed your heart to hear it from him and you let your mind play with the thought that there was more behind his words than a friendly manner.

Nuzzling your head into his chest you close your eyes and listening to his steady heartbeat you let yourself fall back asleep.

 Your morning is filled with coffee, pancakes, laughter and great company. Harry doesn’t let you leave without having breakfast with them, so you sit with the Styles family and laugh about the craziest stories from your teenage years.

“Remember when we tried to run away?” Harry grins at you, his red mug that had white polka dots all over it in his hands as he eyes you.

“Oh, how could I forget that?” you huff and Gemma turns to you with surprise in her eyes.

“Wait, I didn’t know about that!”

“Because we didn’t get too far,” Harry laughs. “We were, what, like fifteen?”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday,” you nod smiling.

“I had a fight with mum about God knows what, then stormed over to Y/N’s and talked her into running away. So we packed our backpacks and left.”

“Where did you go?” Michal asks with an amused grin as he listens to the story.

“We didn’t want to go into town, running into anyone we know, so we thought we would just go straight out to the meadow that’s there,” Harry says gesturing towards the window. The edge of the town is not so war, and a huge meadow lies there, a little stream running across it. “We walked for quite long, but then it started to get dark and we had nowhere to go, so we just ended up coming back home. No one even noticed we were gone, they thought we just went out to bike or something,” he finishes laughing.

“You knew about this?” Gemma asks Anne.

“Yeah, he came clear the next day, thinking he would piss me off with it, but I didn’t care, he came back for dinner, so it was alright,” Anne explains laughing.

It’s been so long since it happened, but I still remember it vividly, only that it was a more dramatic memory back then, now I can only laugh at it.

“We should go for a walk today,” Harry prompts to you.

“Wanna run away again?” you tease him.

“Always,” he chuckles.

You help cleaning up and agree with Harry to meet outside in an hour to take a walk to the meadow. Going home you take a shower and wash the dishes your mum left in the sink when she left for her morning shift. You put on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a warm sweater and your jacket with your trusty boots and you walk out the house right when Harry steps out as well. He grins in your way as the two of you meet in the middle of the street. He holds his arm out for you.

“M’ lady?” he smirks as you link your arm with his and the two of you head out for your little walk. It’s a gloomy day, might rain later as well, but it’s dry so far, so you’re just hoping to get home before it starts raining. Your runaway attempt wasn’t the only time the two of you came out here, it was kind of your place when you felt like having a break from everyone else. You biked out here, brought your favorite snacks and just ran around, enjoying the stillness.

However it also holds a bitter memory as well.

A little further down among the trees happened Harry’s first kiss and you witnessed it, feeling your heart break to a million pieces when you saw him lock lips with someone who wasn’t you.

Debby Hamilton was a friend of yours in sixth grade, you’d say, your only friend beside Harry and the three of you often hung out together around that time. Debby was a delight, you always desired to be more like her, boys liked her and she knew it damn well, but it didn’t make her cocky and egoistic. You always thought Harry had a crush on her, why would have he? They kind of looked cute together.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry asked if you wanted to come out and listen to his new cassette he got for his old Walkman he refused to get rid of as technology was evolving. You figured he’d want Debby there as well so you invited her along, but didn’t tell Harry. He never made a move on Debby and you thought he was just looking for the right time.

That afternoon, you were supposed to meet them out there at five, but you didn’t leave until half past five and it takes about twenty minutes to get out there. Though you gave them the alone time technically, it still startled you when you found them under one of the oak trees, Debby leaning her back against the tree as Harry stood in front of her. She was smiling up at him sweetly, saying something to him and you were just about to call out for them and apologize for being late when Harry ducked his head and kissed Debby right in front of your eyes.

That was your first and probably worst heartbreak and you were only twelve. You felt betrayed, hopeless and naïve to think Harry would ever have a thing for you when there were girls like Debby. You left without letting them know you were there. When Harry asked you later why you didn’t come you told him you felt sick to your stomach, which wasn’t a total lie, you had quite the nausea after seeing Harry with Debby, but he didn’t have to know all the details.

He later told you about kissing Debby and you pretended like you didn’t know about it. However they never dated and not long after their kiss Debby drifted away from the two of you. Not that you minded, you had a bitter feeling every time you had to look at her after that, jealousy raging in your chest knowing that she got Harry’s first kiss.

He didn’t bring it up after and you weren’t keen on talking about it, but you still know which tree they were standing under and now as you near the area you see that it still stands tall near the tiny stream.

Peeking up at Harry you see that his eyes are focused on the same tree, but then he catches you looking.

“Memories?” you innocently ask, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t even know why you asked. It’s been over a decade since that kiss, you are both adults, but you still can’t help the sadness that washes over you at just the thought, why would you want to get him talk about it now?

“’S just… that’s the tree I kissed Debby when I was twelve,” he mumbles with a shrug. Biting into your bottom lip you look at the old oak tree nodding your head and before you could stop yourself, you speak up.

“I know.”

“What? How would you? I never told you,” Harry asks stopping, a puzzled look pulling on his face.

“Well I… It doesn’t matter,” you sigh, regretting ever opening your mouth.

“It does. Tell me!” he pleads standing in front of you.

“I know it, because… I was here.”

“You what?”

“I came, I was just very late. And when I arrived you two were standing there and I saw you kiss. I thought I shouldn’t interrupt whatever was happening so I went home and let you two be,” you explain, changing it up a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why is it important that I saw it? It doesn’t change anything, right?” you ask with a smile that you intended to look innocent, but deep down it’s filled with pain.

Harry opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then remains silent and you are done talking about it, so you just quietly keep walking, Harry catching up with you a few moments later.

It’s awfully quiet after your revelation, it seems like Harry is deep in his thoughts and though you’re dying to know what’s occupying his bright thoughts, you’re kind of afraid you’d hear something you didn’t want to.

The two of you soon head back home and slowly, but you forget about the whole Debby thing. Harry starts talking again, but he looks a little keyed up still when you reach your street.

“Wanna come over later?” you ask standing on the pavement in front of your house, it’s just an innocent question. Harry nods his head.

“Sure. Is your mum working?” he asks glancing at the house, though he knows she is, the car is not on the driveway.

“Yeah. She’ll be home around six.”

He nods again and you want to ask if he is alright, but you decide not to. You share a quick hug before he heads over to his home and you do the same. The house waits for you in silence and when the door clicks behind you, it weighs down on you heavier than you were expecting. You hang your jacket, kick your boots off and throw yourself to the couch, covering your eyes with your arm as you huff out in frustration. You feel silly for getting upset about such a small thing even after so much time, but you just can’t help it.

You barely realize the sound of the front door opening, taking your arm off your eyes you see Harry walk in, eyebrows furrowed, a worried look on his handsome face.

“Harry—“ “I was waiting for you that day,” he simply says as you sit up with wide eyes, confused about what he is really talking about.

“What?”

“That day, we agreed to meet out there to listen to my new Stevie Wonder cassette, but you didn’t show up, Debby did even though I didn’t invite her out there.”

“Well, I did, thought you wanted her there too,” you explain, startled by the situation.

“I would have invited her if I wanted her to be there, but I wanted to be with you. Only you.”

“I-I’m sorry?” you breathe out, not seeing where he is going with it.

“Y/N, you don’t understand,” he huffs and he is right. You don’t. “I wanted to meet you, but you never came, or at least I thought. Then Debby showed up, I was frustrated that you weren’t there and she was being all nice, telling me how cute I looked when I was worried and it all just happened so fast and… I didn’t even want to kiss her.” He looks properly upset telling you the story and he takes a deep breath before his eyes meet yours with a hard stare. “I wanted to be with you,” he repeats.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

He shakes his hair, not even letting you finish, because he knows what you wanted to say and that you still don’t understand the meaning behind his words.

“Y/N, I wanted to kiss you,” he then finally says and you suck on your breath as he continues. “Well, not right then and there, but I’ve been meaning to kiss you, I just didn’t know when. I thought that if we have a moment that afternoon I’d do it, but you never came and I was mad and disappointed. I hated myself for kissing Debby, because I didn’t really want to, it just… happened. I wanted to tell you, and I intended to do it when I told you we kissed, but you acted so happy, I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did for you. So I didn’t tell you the rest, but…” He sighs in defeat, looking for words, but he ran out.

“Why are you telling this to me now?” you ask a little out of breath, your head feeling heavy at the new information you just heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw us and why did you go home without a word?” he asks ignoring your question.

“I… don’t—“

“Don’t try to lie.”

Gulping hard you lick your dried lips as you stare back at him.

“Because I was… jealous.” Your voice comes out only as a whisper. Harry’s lips part as he takes two steps closer to you.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks and you just nod your head, not trusting yourself with your voice. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I do,” you whisper your answer and Harry lets out a sharp breath as he leaps across the room in your way. You jump to your feet, thinking that he’ll lash out on your for keeping it a secret and you open your mouth to explain yourself, but you never get to speak up because as Harry reaches you, one hand snaps to the back of your neck, the other one to your waist, yanking you against him as his lips crash to yours.

You gasp in surprise, but it doesn’t take long to kiss him back, your numb mind blindly reacting to his sudden action. Your hands snake up to the back of his neck as you pull him closer, returning his hungry kisses. His soft lips feel so smooth and warm against yours and when his tongue runs along your bottom lip you whimper letting your tongues meet in the middle.

He is intoxicating and it doesn’t help that your adrenaline level is up in the sky, you’ve fantasized about it way too many times, and now that it’s happening your body is burning in flames. He kisses you all over and over again, his body pressing against yours hard and when he even leans in making you lean back, you lose balance and the two of you fall to the couch, both of you gasping as you are forced to part your lips.

“Fuck,” you chuckle as Harry is basically lying on you, holding himself up on his arms, but you feel him everywhere.

“’M sorry, I got a little carried away, but I’ve been dying to do this since forever,” he admits chuckling as he lifts his head and looks down at you with those bright green eyes of his.

“Really?” you breathe out, only slowly processing what’s really just happened.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you hiding behind your mum.”

“Idiot, you were just a kid, you weren’t in love,” you chuckle, running up your hands to the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the soft curls. He smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

“Oh, I was, I just didn’t know it yet.” Leaning down he pecks your lips softly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. Though I was growing impatient these last few years.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“You can’t imagine,” he huffs shaking his head. I almost kissed you the other day in the kitchen, but Gemma completely ruined the moment.”

“I’m sorry I ran away, I was just—“ “No need to apologize. I guess it all played out well after all, right?” he smirks and you can’t help but chuckle.

“I guess,” you breathe out and the smile slowly fades from your lips. “And now what?” you ask quietly, staring up at him.

“Now… We’ll try to make things work. Test the waters. I’m very serious about this, Y/N,” he tells you. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life so I’m not gonna let go of you now.”

“You have no idea how happy this is making me,” you choke out feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“Oh Love, please don’t cry,” he begs and leaning down he kisses your tears away. “I’m right here, with you. Sorry it took me so long you get here, but I’m here now.”

“I know,” you huff blinking away the tears as you pull him down and press your lips to his. “I love you, Harry,” you whisper against his perfect lips. You feel him exhale sharply as he keeps kissing you before he lifts his head so your eyes meet again.

“I’ve always loved you.”

 Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought about it!