#and now like existing without them is weird

[multipleoccupancy]

Hmm it sounded to him like the cultist Theo was really pretty evil, which only really solidified his belief that rituals made people evil and that those who did them were dangerous. Violet knew rituals, but she had been tricked! Or was he perhaps making excuses for her? "He sounds like a stereotypical cultist to me." As if he had met many of them or had any real idea what they were like beyond what he heard in passing.

So there was a cultist version of Violet too. At least she did actually understand how weird and in some way dirty it felt knowing that such a version existed. "I guess it's like you said of the other me, it's the choices they make that makes them like that." That had been her chosen reassurance, he wasn't sure if it was true and he watched her to check if perhaps she knew more than she was letting on. Again.

She had turned her attention to Samantha and Sloane though and after a moment, Theo did the same, a small frown on his face as he considered it all. A cultist family. Great. She'd been through a lot though, to have discovered enough about the cultists and cowboys, well she'd obviously suffered.

Sloane watched as Samantha took the crossbow and folded his arms as she took her shots. The first hitting, of course but the second in all of her bravado, missed! Oh! Part of him had some worry for how she would take that but the smile on his face was quite the sight. "HA! Whose losing? Sorry? You or me?" He teased her as he moved to take the crossbow from her politely for his turn.

He was careful, shotting the first can without any real issue but he knew now that his final shot was the deciding score, if he missed Samantha would have won and part of him considered it for a moment. He shot the arrow and he succeeded. Another draw! Sloane chuckled as he turned around. "Even-stevens!"

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy

"It is," she admitted, "he has saved me several times before, but he has also tried to kill me, even if he regretted it later... and he tricked me, with the ritual." Not to mention the time he had brutally murdered three people in front of her. "He always says the most horrible things, too." She sighed, focusing on her drawing to stay away from the ledge. "I'm relieved I haven't been to his timeline in a long time. I hope I'll never go there again."

She had expected Theo's question. It made sense, and she didn't see the point in lying about it. She wasn't responsible for her counterpart's actions, even though it always pained her to think that she was a cultist. "She is, yes. So... I know how it felt when you found out about your cultist counterpart. She's very different from me, I think. Not just because she's a cultist, but she's also... kind of mean? She's a little bit arrogant."

"I'm upset that she's a cultist. But she was adopted by a cult leader, so... I know it's not really her fault. Though sometimes I wonder how she could forget so fast all the things her birth parents taught her. I know they were good, noble people, who would have never condoned all the wicked things she does, now."

Violet looked up to see what seemed to be the final rounds of the competition, her pen tucked behind her ear. Talking about the cultist timeline was never easy, but she was relieved that Theo understood what she had gone through, and was being so nice about it. Maybe he really trusted her again, now.

On the stage, Samantha seemed sure of her victory. So much so that she wasn't at all intimidated by Sloane's perfect shot. "You're right, let's get this over with," she teased as she took the crossbow from him. Violet leaned towards Theo. "I think she's getting too cocky," she whispered with a little smile.

As it turned out, Violet was right. She was getting too cocky. Samantha aimed and shot, hitting her third soda can without any trouble. There were a few more exclamations of victory, of course. "Time to lose," she then grinned, pointing a finger at Sloane. But when the time came to fire that final, decisive shot... The arrow missed the can.

[olderthannetfic]

Of course people are being defensive, Spotify Anon. You rolled into the Fandom Old corner of Tumblr to tell us to examine our biases based on a streaming platform that only half of us even use at all.

Someome compared it to the f/f wank and they're right. If you accuse people of bullshit based on completely ufounded speculation, half of them will block you and the other half will explain to you why you're wrong. And we can't block other people's anons, so you're just going to have to endure a barrage of "this is bullshit and here's why". You asked for this, this is us examining the racial bias in our spotify wrapped and going "huh, it can't show bias if it doesn't exist" or "how does the fact that I listen to weird non-American music you've never heard of say anything about my feelings about the personhood and rights of American popstars I've never heard of?"

--

Spotify wrapped season is really popular broadly (though not so much around here) to the point that I find it very annoying since you apparently have to download the app to see wrapped??? I hate this season every year.

I use spotify via a browser, grudgingly, because some friends' fun guess-the-song stuff is on there. I had to use it at the fertility clinic because that's what they use to play music while injecting you with eggs. (I picked Mono if anyone is curious, but given how insanely painful being inflated with saline was, I should probably have picked D-2. I just thought it wasn't available because Spotify used to NOT FUCKING HAVE most of BTS' side projects because Spotify sucks donkey balls. Have I mentioned lately how much I resent the ubiquity of this piece of garbage? Have I?)

The thing that gets me that I hadn't quite worked out until just now is that 100 songs is the precise right amount to feel huge and significant without actually being so. Top 100 albums or artists is still an illusion of knowing what someone listens to. (Spotify has been improving, but they still routinely don't have the stuff I want.) But at least there, by the time you get to my 100th most listened to artist for a year, you might have some kind of picture of what I listen to.

Now, if you only listen to prog rock on vinyl, maybe your top 100 songs represent about 50 albums. >:D But let's say you're listening to some modern albums with bonus tracks and shit on Spotify. Your top 100 might be March When I Broke Up And Listened To The Same Five Albums Day And Night. No matter how diverse and interesting the rest of your musical diet, your bland-ass breakup playlist is now ninety out of one hundred songs on your Spotify Wrapped for this year.

I think it's that previously not totally conscious thought about how many 100 songs really is that was annoying me until just now.

Sure, it's just one scenario, but I think this sense of what 100 songs means is what's really annoying me about how people go on about Wrapped. Not just here and about racism: All the mainstream blathering about Wrapped annoys the shit out of me too every damn year.

It's a little like kudos. The top 200-500 most kudosed things in a big fandom may well show some pattern I find interesting. The top 100 most kudosed things show that people like that daily updating omegaverse crossover ship epic with Tony Stark.

Okay, okay, with kudos, you could probably exclude the top 10-30 depending on fandom size, but you know what I mean. Your last 100 fics read mean little, IMO. Your last 100 fandoms read, which is likely to be significantly more than 100 fics, is interesting to me.

It's my usual Numbers Are Deceptive complaint about how people love stats but do not contextualize things well.

[iheartsteve0704]

The Family Stone - Agathario AU

Rating: Teen & Up

Summary: Wanda brings her girlfriend Rio home for Christmas. The only problem is that she's not really Wanda's girlfriend and Rio is helplessly in love with Wanda's older sister, Agatha (who she can't even look in the eye).

Note: This is loosely based on the movie The Family Stone (2005)!! This is also not beta read, I'm sorry haha but I will probably go back and fix things!

“This is stupid, Wanda! Just tell them the truth!” Rio said as she jogged circles around Wanda who was struggling up the large hill. It was an unbearably hot day in California but somehow Rio still convinced her going for a run was a good idea. 

“I can’t! My mom thinks- and my sisters they- ugh please, Rio! Just this one last time. Please!!” Wanda had to stop, panting as she put her hands on her needs to catch her breath. She looked up at Rio and gave her an exaggerated pout. 

“No! Wanda, would they truly give a fuck if they knew you were single??” 

“I don’t know! I think my mom would be a little disappointed yeah but the point is that I told them like 2 months ago that you’d be coming with me so I cannot go back now! They’ll just bombarded me with a bunch of questions and grill me non-stop and it’ll truly be hell for that entire week.”

“DID YOU SAY 2 MONTHS AGO???” Rio’s jaw dropped, eyes almost building out of her head. She looked at the girl who has become her best friend in this shitty town and found that she couldn’t say no. They met years ago in a shitty bar and both got wasted and shared their deepest darkest secrets and they never spent a day without each other. They were like sisters at this point. That’s why fake dating her felt so weird. “Fine. Fine! But you fucking owe me.” 

“Yay!! I love you!” Wanda jumped up and kissed Rio on the cheek, who quickly wiped it off with the back of her hand. 

“And I’m out after this, I swear! This is the last time!!” Rio warned and Wanda just nodded her head as she tried to bite back her triumphant smile. 

----------------------------------------

“I can’t believe Wanda is really bringing her!” Agatha scoffs as she picks away at her salad. “She’s so… eccentric.”

She watches as her mom, Lilia, shuffles around the kitchen and tosses ingredients into a bowl. Agatha sees the slight up and down movement of her mom’s shoulders and knows she got a good chuckle out of that one. 

Wanda was the baby of the family and she is also the most MIA. She lives a luxurious life abroad doing business of some sorts when she’s not living it up in California. She rarely visits home and rarely answers her phone. The Harkness girls only found out Wanda had a girlfriend because one of the red head’s friends had tagged her in a questionable Facebook photo with a mystery brunette hanging off her arm. They kept grilling Wanda over the phone until she just admitted it. 

The youngest Harkness was similar to the eldest, hard to please and hard to tie down. So when Lilia caught word of her youngest’s new found love life, she was over the moon. Practically already imagining their wedding in her mind. 

Agatha found Wanda’s girlfriend, Rio, strange to say the least. No one has met her other than Agatha, for a brief moment in New York when Wanda was in for work and Rio had tagged along. Rio seemed antsy, almost nervous but Agatha was nothing but kind to her. The entire night was odd, Rio barely holding conversation with her or coding she existed. While it was only one night, it had been a long one and Agatha had told the rest of her family of the cautionary tale countless times, which they had all gotten a kick out of. 

Lilia doesn’t even bother wiping away her smirk when she turns around to grab the flour and address her eldest daughter. 

“Agatha, your sister is welcome to invite anyone she wants. Plus she’s pretty from the photos you’ve shown us.”

“She’s pretty? That’s enough for you? We don’t know anything about her! What if she’s like a serial killer???”

“Oh shush. We should just be happy your sister has finally found love!” 

“Love? Jesus, Mom. Do you really think that’s what this is?” 

“Well she’s inviting her home for Christmas. She’s never invited anyone home for the holidays before! And they’ve been together for over a year, right? Maybe she’ll ask for Grandma’s ring…”

“Grandma Evanora? She was a cunt. You were the one who told us that!” 

“She was! But the ring is to die for and Jen didn't want to give it to Alice! Someone has to take it or else I'll bring it to a pawn shop soon and move to Costa Rica!" They laugh together. 

“I don’t know about marriage. Rio is just so weird! And it felt like they had nothing in common! I mean come on Mom, you weren’t the one who had to endure that painful dinner with them. She kept doing this weird mouth thing where she’d poke the side of her cheek. And I swear to god that girl was staring into my soul! She wouldn’t even talk to me! She was so quiet, I felt like she was silently planning my demise.” 

“Oh be nice, Aggie. But… perhaps she was. You should probably sleep with one eye open, just to be safe.” Lilia tries to bite back a smile but they both end up laughing when the front door swings open. 

“Mom? Agatha? We’re here!!!” Jen says as walks through the door first with her wife, Alice, following behind with their adopted teen son, Billy. 

When they reach the kitchen it is a jumble of hugs and welcomes and then Jen is going up to Agatha and punching her hard in the arm before bringing her into a tight hug. 

“Hey loser, missed you kind of sort of.” Jen said as she hugged her sister and Agatha melted into her arms.

“Ew getting soft on me, Jenny? Grow up.” Agatha jokes and tickles her sister's sides before Jen playfully shoves her away. 

“And how’s my favorite nephew!” Agatha looks Billy up and down, taking in his new appearance. 

“I’m your only nephew Aunt Agatha.” Billy beams at her. 

“I see we’ve gone… goth!” She notices upclose that he is clearly wearing eyeliner and one singular hoop earring. 

Jen shoots her a warning look. 

“I um love it!” Agatha tries her best to be supportive and Billy must buy it because he just smiles widely and starts talking about his different rings and what eyeliner he likes using. 

“So is it true Aunt Wanda is bringing her weird girlfriend?” After talking Agatha’s ear off, Billy steals a bite of her salad and addresses the rest of the room. 

“Billy.” Alice turns and gives him a warning look. 

“What! It’s what Aunt Agatha keeps telling us! She’s weird!” Billy argues and then Alice turns to Jen for help but the woman tries and fails to hold in her laughter. 

“Yes she’s coming. Unfortunately” Jen chuckles and earns a smack painful smack on her bicep. Agatha and Billy laugh at Jen’s comment. 

“You two behave.” Lilia warns but there’s no bite to her voice. 

“We need to be open minded guys! It’s not easy being an outsider.” Alice adds.

“You’re one to talk! Mom welcomed you into this family the first week you guys started dating. Literally gave you the blessing to marry Jen the first time you came over for family dinner. ” Agatha says, stealing back her salad from Billy. 

“Okay! Whatever! I just mean let’s give her a chance!” Alice rolls her eyes. 

“Sure.” “Okay.” The two Harkness sisters say at the same time and Lilia gives them a warning look. 

“We’ll behave! Geez!” Jen puts her hands up in defense. 

“We’ll be perfect angels, mother.” Agatha’s voice is laced with sarcasm which earns her a whipped towel to the arm.

A car door slams. 

“Ooo! That must be them!!” Billy gets up from his seat next to Agatha at the kitchen island and moves towards the living room to peek through the curtains of the window. The women all follow behind him and do a poor job at pending not to catch a glimpse of the couple. 

They watch as Wanda steps out of her expensive car wearing a pressed suit, heels, and gucci sunglasses and then there is Rio. Rio who is wearing a chunky knit sweater that has probably seen better days, a pair of well worn jeans, and combat boots. They couldn’t have looked more dissimilar. 

Agatha had to check herself because she found herself lingering in Rio. The way her dark hair kept falling into her face. The last time she had seen her, her hair was bob length and now it was well past that and really suited her. Then her big brown eyes that she remembers so well that rarely met hers but she’s seen in photos. And then the way she looked so cozy in her outfit. Agatha convinced herself she was just noticing things about the girl. That was all. 

Wanda is directing Rio to pull their bags from the trunk and doesn’t even bother to help her as she starts making her way to the front door. The women, and Billy, panic and move around to all sit somewhere around the living to make it seem like they weren’t just watching them. 

“Family! Your favorite child is finally here!” Wanda says playfully and bounds through the door. They all go to hug her, Lilia holding onto her baby a little longer than the rest.

They all turn their heads when they hear the loud bang of suitcases hitting the floor. An awkward Rio stands in the doorway, expression unreadable. 

“Guys, this is Rio. My… girlfriend!” Wanda smiles over at the brunette. 

They all introduce themselves and Rio acknowledges them with a polite nod and smile, very limited words. Billy looks over at Agatha and they share a look, biting back laughter. Then Lilia tries to go in for the hug and before Rio could reject, she’s being crushed into a tight embrace. 

When it’s Agatha’s turn, the younger woman freezes and she can feel her cheeks start to turn pink. She stares at Agatha momentarily with a gaped, surprised expression and wide eyes before her gaze casts down to the floor.

Agatha watches this happen but assumes it's her nerves, Agatha was a very intimidating presence that she’s been told about time and time again. Lilia gives a pointed look to her eldest daughter who sighs dramatically and takes a step closer to address Rio. 

“We’ve met once before but you probably forgot since it was so long ago. I’m Agatha.” She tries but the younger girl just glances down at her feet and says nothing. Agatha cocks her eyebrow up at this. Everyone stands there uncomfortably. 

“Okay then!!! Everyone is here and must be starving! Go ahead and pick your rooms and freshen up, I’ve left fresh linens on the bed but let me know if you need anything else. I’ll have dinner ready in half an hour.” Lilia claps her hands together and it gets everyone moving throughout the house. 

Everyone has dispersed but Agatha and Rio. Agatha, being the first to arrive, was already settled in and decided on reading her new book. 

Agatha can feel a pair of eyes on her and she knows they belong to the younger girl. After a moment, out of the corner of her eye, she couldn’t help but watch Rio struggle to gather Wanda’s luggage. She looks away when she hears the faint footsteps of Rio going up the stairs. 

----------------------------------------

Later at dinner, the Harkness girls are all catching up and having a ball while doing so. Telling stories about their separate lives and then laughing until their stomachs ache over reliving old ones. 

When the conversation dies down, Lilia takes it upon herself to lead the next conversation. 

“So Rio, tell us about yourself! What do you do for work?” Lilia looks over at the brunette who was slouched in her chair and extremely quiet this whole time. 

Rio looks up and she looks almost startled to be called on. She tries to paint on a smile and looks around the table until she realizes Agatha is staring right at her and brown eyes looks down at her plate as she pushes around the food nervously before speaking. 

“I’m a botanist.”  Rio’s voice is small but sure and all the women around the table hum and nod their head at her answer. 

“What? Like you work at Home Depot or something?” Billy asks but both his mom’s end up smacking him on the back of the head. 

Agatha snickers at the comment but Lilia kicks her under the table. 

“Rio actually works for the government! She leads the botany team at the US Forest Service. She’s a big shot, aren’t you honey?

“Well that’s very impressive! What a cool job!” 

Rio smiles at Lilia but doesn’t elaborate, choosing to look back down at her plate.  

“Agatha is a teacher!” Jen says and Agatha looks up at her in question. “Agatha, didn’t you tell us you were teaching your kids about trees?” 

Agatha glares daggers at her but Jen just smiles over at Rio. 

“Oh that’s nice. It’s important for kids to learn about nature and how to treat our planet.” Rio addresses Agatha, looking at her briefly before looking away again. Everyone waits for Agatha to say something but it never comes so Jen clears her throat. 

“So Agatha, guess who we saw on the way here?” Jen looks over at their oldest sister, mischief glimmering in her eyes. 

“Oh god, who?” Agatha rolls her eyes in response, knowing she’ll hate whatever is to come. 

“Dottie! And she looks great and I heard she’s single again.” 

“Oh I loved Dottie! She always let me check out as many books as I wanted at the library. She actually still does! I think she’s holding out for you, Aggie.” Lilia smiles at her daughter who rolls her eyes again in disgust. 

Wanda laughs and glaces at Rio beside her  and sees the brunette white knuckling the fork in her hand. She raises her eyebrow at the action and gives Rio’s shoulder a little shove, which seems to knock her out of her thoughts. Rio gives her best friend, and fake girlfriend, an unconvincing smile. 

“Well she can keep holding out because that’s never going to happen again.” Agatha says as her mom and sisters groan. 

“You’re not getting any younger, sweetheart.” Lilila says from the goodness of her heart but still it pisses Agatha off. 

“Well thanks mom!” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it! I just mean you deserve a nice woman in your life to make you happy! Or man! If that’s of interest to you!”

“Oh fuck no! No men. No thank you. No offense, Billy.” 

“None taken. I get it. Straight men are a nightmare.” He says and everyone erupts into laughter. 

Agatha looks over at Rio and assumes she’s staring at her again but instead she’s laughing at something Wanda whispers into her ear. Agatha pushes down the disappointment she feels inside because it’s stupid, why should she feel that way.

----------------------------------------

Rio offers to do the dishes after dinner and Billy volunteers to dry. The rest of the Harkness ladies are cooped up in the living room, laughing loudly at a stupid story they tell every time they’re together but never gets old. 

“Hey. It’s nice having you here.” Billy says sweetly and it genuinely makes Rio smile. 

“Thanks. It’s nice being here. Your family is so great.” 

“They are.What’s your family like? Are they upset you aren’t spending the holidays with them?” 

“I don’t- um. My family, they passed when I was super young. I grew up in the foster system and then aged out and that was pretty much it. No other family other than… Wanda.” Rio says and she means it. Wanda was her best friend, her family.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Billy feels flustered but Rio offers him a smile to know it’s okay. “I was in foster care too. For a long time actually. My parents died in a car crash and I didn’t have any other family. I thought I was just going to age out, like you, but on my 10th birthday the agency told me two lesbians wanted to adopt me and I met them and couldn’t say no. Alice and Jen, they’re just the best.” He smiles to himself, recalling back to that special day. 

“That’s sweet. I’m happy for you. They seem like really great mothers.” 

“They really are.” Billy kept the wide smile on his face when he looked over to the living room where his moms are cuddled together on the couch.

“You’re nice to talk too. It just feels easy. You remind me so much of my Aunt Agatha.” 

“Oh? How come?” Rio keeps her voice neutral, busying herself by washing off a plate that was already clean. 

“I don’t know. Something about your energies are similar. I think you’d get along with her if you gave her a chance. She’s not as scary as she pretends to be. She’s a big softie. Promise.” Billy says and Rio just nods her head. 

Rio chances a glance into the living room and catches Agatha throwing her head back in laughter. She looked so beautiful it made Rio’s chest contract in her chest. She then saw movement to Agatha’s left and caught Wanda watching her with a curious look. Rio quickly looked away and went back to washing the dishes.

—————————————————

When everyone is turning in for the night, Rio walks into the bedroom she’s being forced to share with Wanda (since they are a ‘couple’) to find Wanda sitting on the bed with her arms crossed and a knowing smirk on her face. 

“You’re into her! Aren’t you!!” Wanda whispers but still gets shushed by Rio.

“Can you shut the fuck up?” Rio covers her hand over her mouth, tackling her onto the bed. She releases her hand when Wanda tries to bit it and they end up sitting next to each other. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Surreeeeeeeeeee.” Wanda raises her eyebrows. “How did I not know this! How long?! Oh my gosh you need to tell her!”

“Are you insane?! I’m here as YOU’RE fake girlfriend! Remember?!” Rio reminds her and it seems to bring Wanda back to reality who makes an ‘O’ shape with her mouth in realization. 

“Fuck, yeah. You’re right.” Wanda taps her chin before looking back at her with a wide smile. “BUT YOU DO LIKE HER! YOU DIDN’T DENY IT! Oh my god. If you guys get married then you’re forced to be in my life forever!! OH MY GOD WE WOULD ACTUALLY BE SISTERS!!! AND THEN WE COULD-” Wanda’s voice is getting louder and louder in excitement until Rio grabs one of the pillows and shoves it over Wanda’s face, effectively silencing her. For only a minute before she resurfaces. 

“So when??” Wanda smiles and Rio just groans and leans back onto the bed and covers her face with her hands. “WHEN DID YOU START LIKING HER!!!???” 

“If I answer you will you finally shut up?!” Rio glares at her but Wanda’s smile persists, nodding her head. “When we met her for dinner like a year ago.” 

“THAT LONG AGO?!??! OH MY-” Wanda can’t finish her sentence because a fluffy pillow meets her face again. 

----------------------------------------

Late at night, Agatha is scrolling aimlessly on her phone when her door cracks open. She’s about to reach for the baseball bat behind the dresser when Wanda and Jen all sneak into Agatha's room. They squeal as they snuggle under the covers and into their older sister. Agatha complains about their cold feet and hands but secretly loves it. They lay in silence for a couple of minutes just enjoying each other's company as they stare blankly at the ceiling. 

“Can I ask you something?” Agatha asks, turning her head towards Wanda, who nods her head. 

“What’s Rio’s deal?” Agatha starts and the mention of the girl makes Wanda look over.  “She doesn't acknowledge my existence. Does she just hate me so much that she can’t talk to me directly?” 

Agatha looks at her baby sister who worries about her bottom lip between her teeth before looking back up towards the ceiling. 

“She spoke to you a little!” Jen tried but Agatha looks at her “okay yeah it was… weird.” Jen comments and Wanda groans, shoving her face into the pillow below her.

“She just seems pretentious to me. Like she thinks she’s better than us.” Agatha adds.

“Better than you, you mean.” Jen adds and Agatha pinches her side. 

“Yeah whatever. I don’t like that she keeps staring at me and not saying anything. It’s just… unsettling.” 

“She’s nice but it takes a minute for her to warm up to you but she’s a great person. No matter what you guys think about her. Just give her a chance.” Wanda makes it a point to look at Agatha when she says the last part. “She could surprise you.”  

Agatha rolls her eyes before pulling the covers tighter around herself and snuggling closer to her sisters until they all fall asleep. 

----------------------------------------

In the early morning, Lilila is walking around the house looking for her girls when she finds them curled up in Agatha’s bed like when they were little. It warms her heart so much and she can’t help but whip her phone out and take a photo. She blames her age for forgetting to turn her sound off. 

The girls stir awake and audibly and dramatically whine when they see their mom smiling in the doorway, phone in hand. 

“MOOMMM!!!!!!” The girls shout and Lilila laughs before taking a few more photos and putting her phone away. 

“Okay! Okay! My goodness! Still my little witches!! I’m going to get breakfast started my loves, it’ll be ready in about an hour. Go back to sleep.” She smiles, looking over her kids one more time before closing the door and making her way downstairs. 

She turns the corner into the kitchen when she’s startled by Rio sitting at the kitchen island sipping on some coffee. 

“I’m sorry.” Rio says looking quilty and starting to get up from the stool to leave. 

“Hey! No, it’s okay!” Lilia recovers. “Please stay! I was just going to get breakfast started.”

“Would you like some help?”

“Oh that would be so lovely, thank you Rio.” 

They cook together with ease. Rio slowly drops knowledge of her amazing cooking skills that thoroughly impress the mother of 3. Lilia also learns that Rio actually is a lot more talkative than she lets on and that Rio is actually a really nice and funny girl. While all that is true, she doesn't quite understand how Rio fits with Wanda. Lilia can see now more than ever how different they are but she decides to put that on the back burner for now. If anything, Rio seemed more similar to Agatha. They had a similar sense of humor and something about Rio reminded Lilia a lot of her eldest in a way.

“My Jenny and her wife Alice have been together for 8 years now and they have a lovely son, who you met yesterday. And now Wanda has you and all that is left is my Aggie.” Lilia says, smiling over at Rio who was flipping a pancake on the stove top. 

“Has she ever um-” Rio stutters over her words but Lilia gets what she’s asking. 

“Aggie has always been a tough cookie. She’s a hopeless romantic, don’t tell her I said that to you but I think she’s really waiting for that perfect person. You know?”

“And do you think it was that Dottie person you mentioned last night?” Rio asks. 

“Oh no.” Lilia chuckles. “We just like to mess with her. Dottie was Agatha’s first girlfriend and things got super messy when Dottie broke up with Agatha to be with a boy she swore she didn’t like.” 

“That’s messed up.”

“Yeah it was.” Lilia thinks it over. “Since Dottie, she hasn’t brought anyone else home or mentioned someone so we just all assume she isn’t seeing anyone serious at the moment. Unless she’s hiding a secret family inside her tiny apartment in New York.” 

“Are you talking shit about me again, mom?” Agatha yawns when she walks in, stretching her arms above her head and causing her t-shirt to ride up to expose her midriff. Rio’s eyes go to the exposed skin and she swallows a lump in her throat, looking breathless before clearing her throat and looking back towards the stove. Lilia watches this all unfold and raises her eyebrow. 

Jen walks in with her arms draped around Billy and Alice and Wanda follows behind. Wanda awkwardly walks up next to Rio and kisses her on the cheek. 

“So I was thinking of doing something fun tonight.” Jen says as she walks over to the coffee maker and pours her and Alice a cup. 

“Ew.” Billy, Agatha, and Wanda all say in unison. 

“Not that your pervs. I mean go out! I think we should go to Mephisto’s tonight!” 

“That gross hometown bar? We’re bound to see at least 18 people Agatha’s slept with or ghosted.” Wanda says and it earns her a scolding glare from her older sister. 

“Yeah no, I’m not stepping foot in that place. You’re out of your fucking mind, Jenny.” 

----------------------------------------

Mephisto’s was so fucking crowded. Of course it was, it was Christmas so that meant everyone and their mothers would be back home for the holidays looking to escape their families and get wasted. 

“This is hell on Earth. Why are we doing this right now???” Agatha looks around and doesn’t even try to hide the disgust on her face. 

“Oh come on! It’ll be fun!!” Alice hugs Agatha and tries to get her to smile but it doesn’t work. “I’ll get us all a round of shots!” 

“Okay now you're talkin my language, sister.” Agatha finally lets up, smiling as Alice and Jen walk over to the bar. Now it was just Agatha, Wanda, and Rio. 

Wanda was too busy typing away on her phone to acknowledge they were even there and Agatha resumed her mission of figuring out what Rio’s problem was with her. Agatha turned in Rio’s direction and took in her form. She was wearing tight black jeans, those ratty combat boots again, and a tight low cut black long sleeve that (Agatha hated to admit this but she was a woman lover, sue her) did great things for her chest. Rio looked pretty. 

Just when Agatha was going to try to make conversation with the younger girl, a short red head in a tight tank top approached them and all but threw herself onto Wanda. 

“What the- Nat?! Is that you??” Wanda pulled the figure back and smiled widely at the tiny red head in front of her. 

“Long time no see stranger.” Natasha winked at Wanda which caused the taller redhead to laugh nervously, a response both Agatha and Rio both had never seen before. 

Natasha brings Wanda into another hug that lasts a little too long and looks a little too intimate. It’s Agatha who clears her throat and makes the two separate, giving Wanda a murderous look and tilting her head towards Rio. 

“Shit sorry! Nat, this is my um my girlfriend, Rio.” Rio just gives Natasha a tight lipped smile and nods her head. 

“Lucky girl, Rio. Would you mind if I had a little dance with your girl?” Natasha is already pulling Wanda towards the dance floor before Rio could even answer. 

Agatha shakes her head and rolls her eyes before checking on Rio, who doesn't even look bothered at all by what just happened but Agatha still feels the need to say something, anything to break the awkward tension. 

“Hey. You look really nice tonight!” Agatha offers a warm smile but when brown eyes finally meet hers they are unreadable. It makes Agatha’s smile falter and before she can apologize or say anything, Rio is pushing past her and walking towards the exit. 

“What the hell did you just say to her?” Alice and Jen arrive back as soon as she leaves with a tray of shots. 

“Nothing. I don’t even- excuse me.” Agatha is frustrated and finds herself following Rio’s trail. 

When the cold air hits her, she sees Rio leaning against the car they all arrived in smoking. Agatha, filled with anger, approaches her with a scowl on her face. 

“What’s your fucking problem?!” Agatha shouts and it scares Rio, who jolts back against the car and causes her cigarette to fall into the snow below her. “I’ve been trying to be nice to you this whole time but you have some fucking stick up your ass and can’t even look me in the eye because what? You’re so much better than me? It’s below you to even acknowledge my existence???” 

In response, Rio just scoffs looking away and shaking her head. 

“Huh?! What is it then? What’s your fucking problem with me, Rio?!!” 

Rio finally looks over at Agatha and for a minute she swears she sees something flicker in those brown eyes, something she knew she shouldn’t want.

“Nothing, Agatha.” Rio FINALLY speaks to Agatha but it’s not enough. Rio goes to walk past her and back into the bar when Agatha roughly grabs her wrist and pulls her back, making their bodies collide together. Agatha’s breath hitches at the contact and Rio’s eyes gaze down at Agatha’s lips. Agatha reaches up, cupping her face gently with her breath becoming shallow. Then something takes over her when Rio melts into her touch, her face pushing into her hand. Agatha finds the courage to bring her thumb to Rio’s plump lower lip and the way Rio’s eyes bore into her own create a fire within her. It’s Rio who starts to lean in when the loud sound of giggles tumble out of the bar and they force themselves a part. 

Agatha looks over and see’s Wanda and Natasha practically intertwined, leaning against the building and kissing. Agatha makes it a point to pull the car keys out of her pocket and relock the car, making Wanda’s head snap up and knowing she’s been caught red handed. 

Rio pulls Wanda aside. Tells her this is stupid, that Wanda should be able to fuck Natasha without feeling obligated to keep up the fake girlfriend facade and Wanda just agrees, being tired of the act (horny). She lets Rio break up with her that night, loud enough for her sisters to hear. 

----------------------------------------

The next morning, Rio is lugging her own suitcases down the stairs and heading towards the front door. 

“Rio, you don’t have to leave! Please stay for Christmas. No one should spend the holidays alone. We can even padlock Wanda into her room if it’ll make you feel more comfortable.” Lilia jokes with a warm smile and it does make Rio chuckle. 

“I love Wanda.” Rio says and she means it. “I always will. No bad blood, I promise. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. It meant so much, thank you again Ms. Harkness.” 

“Please! It’s Lilia! And at least let… ah Agatha! There you are dear. Can you drive Rio to the train station please.” Agatha just came down the stairs, still rubbing sleep from her eyes. When she sees Rio with her suitcases it seems to fully wake her up.

“Yeah. Of course.” Agatha doesn’t even let Rio get a word in before grabbing one of the suitcases and going out to her car. 

The ride is eerily quiet except for the soft tunes of the Christmas radio. They arrive at the station after a few minutes and sit in silence. Rio suddenly goes to pull the door open but Agatha speaks up. 

“I’m sorry about Wanda.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“Is it?”

“Yeah. We weren’t meant to be.” Rio says truthfully, fiddling with her fingers. They fall quiet again when Rio reaches for the door again. 

“Are we going to talk about it?” “Thanks for the ride.”

Rio lets go of the door handle and makes an action to look over at Agatha but instead looks down at the console between them. 

“Agatha.” 

“You almost kissed me last night.” Agatha tries to duck down and look at Rio. “Hey. Can you please look at me.” Agatha slowly reaches out, her pointer finger touching Rio’s chin and tilting her head up until brown eyes meet blue. Agatha can drown in those eyes if Rio would let her. 

“And you almost let me.” Rio’s voice is barely over a whisper.  

Agatha’s eyes soften and her eyes fall to Rio’s lips. Agatha lets out a shaky breath before leaning in. Her breath hitches when Rio cups her face with her right hand. 

“Agatha. I need to tell you something.” Rio starts but a loud knock is heard on the driver’s window. 

They pull apart and Agatha turns a murderous look towards the window and sees Dottie smiling and waving from the other side. Agatha closes her eyes, letting out a sigh, before rolling the window down. 

“Dottie. What do I owe this pleasure?” Agatha says with an annoyed tone that Dottie doesn’t seem to catch on to. 

“I heard you were back in town but I had to see it for myself! How are you? You look really… hot.” Dottie smirks, leaning on the window and purposefully flashing her cleavage towards Agatha who rolls her eyes and leans back in her seat to create space. 

“My train is here.” 

Rio rushes out of the car before Agatha could stop her. 

----------------------------------------

When Agatha gets back, everyone is in the living room. Wanda is sitting in the arm chair that had been moved to the center while everyone takes their turns berating her. 

“I knew you were a cunt but this is next level, Wanda!” Jen scolds and Lilia smacks her arm for the bad language. 

“Sweetie, you should’ve just broken up with her instead of cheating! Cheaters are the WORST type of people and I know that isn’t you. Wanda you are better than that!” Lilia says desperately, looking at her daughter with so much disapproval and it makes Wanda sink in her seat. 

“I’m actually disgusted with you. I can’t even look at you!” Jen adds and Wanda puts her head in her hands, staring at the ground. 

Agatha makes her presence known, walking into the living room with caution and they all turn towards her. Wanda sits straighter in her seat when she sees the look on Agatha’s face. 

“She told you. Didn’t she?” Wanda asks and they all look at her in confusion. 

“What are you talking about?” Agatha asks. 

Wanda sighs and comes to terms with her actions, realizing it’s better to confess than be seen as a cheater (which she’d never be). 

“She was never my girlfriend! Okay!” 

“WHAT?!” The Harkness women shout and stare at the youngest. 

“What the hell do you mean by that?!” Agatha gets closer, crossing her hands over her chest. 

“I mean… ugh. Okay. So. We were just pretending to be together to get you guys off my case. We never dated. We never even hooked up. She’s strictly my best friend. That’s it.” Wanda explains and the room falls quiet. Agatha moves to sit on the couch where Alice and Billy resided, cradling her head in her hands and thinking. 

“You didn’t have to do that, my love. We don’t care if you’re seeing someone or not. It doesn’t matter. So long you’re happy.” Lilia softens and smiles at her youngest, who smiles back. 

“I told you, mom. You owe me $30 bucks.” Billy whispers to Alice and Agatha whips her head up to look at her nephew. 

“You knew???” 

“It was kind of obvious. From the lack of PDA to the way Rio would practically drool when you walked into a room. I mean I thought we ALL knew.” Billy says.

“Drool? What are you talking about? Don’t be ridiculous. She’s like 10 years younger than me.” Agatha asks and Billy just stares at her. Agatha looks around the room for help and they are all giving her the same look. 

“I did notice her oolging you too and thought it was odd since at the time I thought she was with Wanda but it makes a lot of sense now.” Lilila agrees, sitting on the arm of the chair Wanda was sitting in. Moving the red hair out of her face and kissing the top of her head. She whispers ‘my baby’ into her temple and the youngest throws her arms around her waist. 

“Agatha.” Wanda speaks up and they look at each other. “She likes you. A lot. That’s her problem with you. The problem is that she’s liked you since we met for dinner all that time ago. The problem is she likes you too much.” 

Agatha’s mouth falls open, a whole new world has just been opened to her and she feels frozen in place. 

Then before she can comprehend what is happening, she is being pulled up from her seat and shoved into the car. They all manage to fit into Jen’s van and they zoom down the street. 

“Where are we going!?!? It’s Christmas morning?!” Agatha asks, still in shock of what was happening. 

“We are getting you the girl!!” Billy smiles as she says so, pointing to the train station once they arrive. 

Agatha’s eyes widen and she shakes her head. 

“No.” Agatha says weakly. 

“What? You don’t like her?” Wanda raises her eyebrow. Agatha doesn’t say anything but looks down at her ratty uggs boots they shoved onto her feet before leaving the house. “Then go get her!” 

“Her train already left. I saw it leave.” Agatha said, feeling her heart break at the memory. Trying to get rid of Dottie but she wasn’t fast enough. 

They fall silent, taking in the moment but then Alice sits up in her seat. 

“Wait. Isn’t that her?” Alice says and they all crowd the left side of the car windows until Agatha pushes her way through to see and it is her. Rio sitting sadly on a bench, kicking her feet and wiping away a tear. 

Agatha is pushing through the bodies and throwing herself out of the car. She rushes the station and all but body slams into Rio and brings her into a tight hug. 

Rio is alarmed at first, scared she was just attacked by a stranger but she notices the hair and the waft of her scent and melts into her arms. They stay there for a moment before Agatha pulls back and cradles her face in her hands. 

“What about Dottie?” Rio’s voice is so small and then Agatha laugh and Rio starts to shrink away.

“There’s nothing there. She’s no one. I promise.” Agatha says, watching the way Rio looked so unsure at first but finds confidence after Agatha’s confession.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Agatha says, voice laced with longing. 

“Well I was fake dating your sister.” Rio says plainly but a small smirk on her face. 

“You’ve really liked me all this time?” Rio just nods her head and Agatha settles with a sweet smile on her face. 

“Sorry if that’s lame.” Rio laughs, looking down at her sneakers but Agatha forces her eyes up. Face serious. 

“It’s not.” Agatha assures her. “It’s romantic.”

“I- You’re so beautiful, Agatha.” Rio says almost breathlessly and Agatha can’t help herself when she crashes her lips together and kisses her deeply and it immediately feels like coming home even though this is their first kiss.

Rio throws her arms around Agatha’s neck and Agatha tilts her head, changing the angle of the kiss and slides her tongue inside. They are making unholy noises in a public space but they don’t care. They only pull a part when they hear the sound of a loud horn and people cheering. They look over and see the Harkness clan hanging out the window and cheering them on. 

----------------------------------------

Two Years Later:

“Class please welcome our guest for today! My special friend, wildness explorer Rio!” Agatha stands at the front of the class, clapping along with her students who all cheer when Rio walks in in a silly outfit Agatha made her wear. She has on tan khakis, a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a red scarf wrapped around her neck. Agatha wanted her to wear a boy scout sash too but Rio drew the line there. 

Rio planned on being bratty about the situation but once she saw the excited faces of Agatha’s first grade class, she couldn’t find it within her anymore. They were all so cute and ecstatic to be learning about nature and it warmed her heart. 

She settled at the front of the class, asking them to join her on the reading carpet, as she read to them a kids book about plants. She was using silly voices for each character and it made all the kids giggle. She glances over at Agatha, who was biting back a wide smile as she watched her with loving and adoring eyes. 

Agatha had on her big glasses, that were now slipping down her nose, and Rio's heart felt like it was bursting through her chest and she hated to admit this (it being inapropriate in this moment) but she was always endlessly turned on when she slide her glasses on her face.

When the last bell rang indicating the end of the school day, the kids didn’t want to part with Rio but Agatha promised she would be back soon. Once all the kids had been picked up or shipped onto a school bus, Agatha started to gather her stuff as Rio collected the things she brought to the classroom. 

“Oh wilderness explorer Rio?” Agatha sing songed and Rio turned, to see the woman all ready to go. Perched on the side of her desk, arms crossed, not even hiding that face that she was checking Rio out. She crooked her finger, asking Rio to come closer. 

Rio smirked, leaving the books on the floor, and slotted herself between Agatha’s legs. Agatha pulled her in closer, roughly by tugging on her neck scarf, and kissed her simply before pulling back a little. Rio tried to go in for another but Agatha put a hand on her chest, stopping her. 

“When we get home, I want you in our bed with this-” Agatha tugs again on the scarf, “on you, nothing else, and I want you to put a baby in me.” 

Agatha bites the bottom of her lip, knowing the darkening look in Rio’s eyes. She yelps when Rio kisses her hungrily and then grabs Agatha’s bag, slinging it over her one shoulder and picking up Agatha and slinging her over the other. Rio’s smacks her as playfully before leaving the comfort of Agatha’s classroom and bringing her home. 

Much, much later when Agatha is happily fucked and staring down at her sleeping girlfriend, she reached over for her phone and pull up her mom's contact.

Agatha: Hey Mom! So about Grandma's ring...

[donnerpartyofone]

What was the process like for writing the novelization for Splice? Would you consider writing a novelization of an existing work again?

Eek I'm being interviewed! I'M SO FAMOUS. There are a lot of parts to this answer. The shortest answer is that I really just watched SPLICE in tiny sections every single day for a very, very long time. I had a certain version of the script to work from, but it wouldn't contain the exact things that were said and done in front of the camera (no script would), so I just studied the movie. I scanned the sets for objects I could not identify, of which there are a LOT -- things I've never seen before, and things I've seen but couldn't name -- and searched online until I learned to describe things like hay trolleys and circulating baths. To me, the point of a novelization is that it produces an interior and sensorial experience not offered by a screen, so I tried very hard to expand on the material qualities suggested by the movie.

It never once occurred to me to change anything. Apparently this is an expectation of novelizations. I had a writeup in Fangoria that was very kind about my ability to make psychological sense out of the things people do in SPLICE, but that expressed disappointment that I hadn't added scenes or anything. I'm such an inveterate, pathetic sort of rule-follower, I didn't even ask myself about this. I did change one exact thing, regarding the kind of candy that Elsa eats, because it was meaningful and amusing to me to do so, but I don't think anybody will ever get it. I also included just a little bit of material from the script that didn't make it into the movie, because it was completely in line with my psychological interpretation, which was what I was most concerned with.

I never thought of SPLICE as a perfect film, but I had a lot of thoughts about it, and I think my main contribution was to explain what these characters are thinking and feeling as they wade into this life-changing and profoundly icky experience together. That became very personal very quickly and I was a little bit afraid that maybe this would be how everyone would find out how totally insane I actually am, but I'm told that that part worked out pretty good -- by Vincenzo Natali, among other people, who is SO NICE AND SMART AND SUPPORTIVE. Best guy! When I turned in my draft to the publisher I thought there might be a little back and forth, I did not expect them to send the raw document directly to Vincenzo and I was very alarmed when I heard from him before anybody else, but I really had nothing to fear. He's one of my favorite people now.

I would definitely do another novelization. Actually I think I'm uniquely suited to this because I have a good dose of aphantasia. I didn't even know until recently that it's statistically weird to think mostly or exclusively in words and to have a very hard time visualizing, like, almost anything. When I started telling people this about myself I was asked, among other things, "How do you do anything if you can't picture what you're going to do?" And I was like, uh...I don't know. Maybe this is connected to my extreme executive problems and my problems with goal formation and followthrough. I mean I think this is true, now. And I developed this sort of half-joking self-mythology that I have to be watching movies every second of the day because I suffer from an image deficit and I need external infusions. Like even when I used to draw (trauma took that away, long story, but I drew all the time for like half my life), almost everything I ever made was swipes -- and I think they're pretty good, like it's worthy as art. But I guess for me, art has to be made out of something external that I manipulate. All the art I've ever made without a reference point has been maybe technically OK but really lifeless, you can tell something is missing. So I think the novelization process was a lot like how I used to draw, where I had a completely concrete external referent and I would just sort of tour it very extensively until I had created a twin of it out of my interpretations. And the twin is like, the same but different, it's a clone made out of feelings and reactions. I think that's a worthy sort of art object to make.

There's a thing I'm working on now that I'm sure I won't be able to talk about for a long while, but it involves writing things from preexisting sketches and prompts, and that's a little bit the same. I don't have as much to go on, but I can tell what the shape of it could be, I just turn it over like, what if it's like this, what if it's like this, what if it's like this. And I know that what I'm turning out is really made out of tropes and archetypes, it's kind of a collage, but if the collaging is really earnest and you're feeling your way along with reasonable naturalness, it can turn into something. It's not that different from describing experiences you've had, if you really think about it. The following comment is NOT MEANT TO COMPARE MYSELF TO A GENIUS but I had this nice moment of synergy recently when I rewatched Kiyoshi Kurosawa's CURE, which to me seems so forcefully unique, but in interviews he says things like, "Well I just really wanted to make an American horror movie," and talks about how his starting point was not personal at all, he just wanted to play with the established tools and ingredients people use to build a certain kind of product. And I thought, I guess that's what I do -- not as intelligently or deliberately, but I get how you can work in a way that sounds so formal and empty, and have it produce something distinctly personal.

Thanks for your fun question!

*Virginia Madsen voice* Oh yes. I forgot to tell you. BUY MY BOOK!

EDIT: Oh I kind of lied, I changed *just some of* the music that Clive listens to, to something that would be easier to communicate to a reader. Like I wouldn't use the exact band on the soundtrack because it was too obscure and specific, but I would talk instead about his genre choices because they went with what I was trying to say about him as a person. I think all of it was still pretty in line with the sounds, and the Clive, that appear in the film.

[deoidesign]

Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired

god I can't wait to make this comic.

[candyskiez]

I'm not a super big ekurei shipper but I have to admit the fact that Dimple can possess Reigen while he's unconscious and yet Reigen will be fully present anyway is Very compelling regardless of your explanation for it. Dimple was very specifically trying to wake Reigen up and used most of his power to do so? Hell yes, love it. Reigen being very atune to spirits because of. Well. The past four years. And going WHAT THE FUCK and waking right back up only to immediately go "oh. It's just dimple." Fascinating scene idea. Looking directly at it. So much potential for a fascinating missing scene there. Ekurei is growing on me at alarming rates. Help.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

[lilacerull0]

most of the time i am deeply freaked out by these books, but then i remember the ultimate message is that they're called MY BRILLIANT FRIEND!!!!!! elena really said the most historical and the most unshakable truth about your life is that i loved you. elena's history book as an antithesis to all history books.(this is why it is the best one)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[spicyicymeloncat]

Yknow what I kinda like Harumi and Vania (as a ship or even just friends) purely more for the aesthetic of pure sunshine and optimistic heroism vs doom gloom and bomb go boom. And they’re both princesses, and they both have daddy issues. And it’s likely that the Ninjago royal family and the shintaro royal family were in touch, and they could’ve been childhood friends

[phagodyke]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

[lycorisicecream]

My main sona, I realized that theming my sonas around my @ was a stupid idea so I made something that I felt would truly represent me

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[sevenseasaurus]

so do the rest of you guys just simplify your dreams when explaining them to people or do I just remember a significantly weirder degree of depth than the average bear

[windupaidoneus]

picture me like a ffxiv minion running around in circles at very high speed I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BURDEN AHHYAAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! WAEEEHHH XD okay im good No im not i need to be euthanised

[timeisacephalopod]

You know as a horror fan "cultural Christianity" is such a useful term because as an atheist as well as a horror fan and a fan of haunted house stuff if it's done well I very, very quickly noticed how many horror movies are Christian propaganda. So few horror movies involving religion (which is a shocking amount of them btw) pick any religion that's not Christianity to center itself around and when they do that religion is bad and evil, not the cause of evil and the savior from it (because the demons may be Christian, but God and the bible are also the solutions in a way other religions aren't granted. Bonus points if it's an indigenous religion being portrayed as Evil and Bad).

Pretty much any exceptions I can think of to that rule use Judaism and the Holocaust as a backdrop and never in like a normal, the Holocaust is horrible way it's always playing on myths of Nazi Germany's experimentation on the Jewish population. Which I find highly troubling and disturbing, but regardless nothing like being a horror fan to convince you of cultural Christianity because no other genre leans on religion as a plot device so much unless it's straight up a Christian movie for a Christian audience using Christianity as it's main theme and through line.