#and now it's only gone down to second
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Love Yourself by Justin Bieber is a song too good for this world and I'll defend it like I defend my life.
#justin bieber#i love it#it was my favorite song for years#and now it's only gone down to second#it's beautiful and amazing and anyone who says otherwise is in denial#love yourself
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[5]
AHHHH that final panel
The smoking drifting from the bottom panel up through into the next one, twisting through time and space. Yuuko suddenly only appearing in silhouette, as she drops the friendly facade and speaks the truth as she knows it.Â
Yuuko appearing like a hole in the page, in the same way that sheâs a hole in the universe.Â
Yuuko already knowing that Watanuki wonât know about his parents until After the big plot stuff is already done and over.Â
Which most likely also means once Yuuko is no longer here.Â
How Watanuki will regain knowledge of his family connections and she wonât be there to see it, or share in that happiness with him.Â
How all she can do is gently guide him on the course that she hopes will be enough to get him (and the universe) through this all in one piece.Â
And all she gets in return is sitting alone in an empty room, not being able to pass on the good news she knows would change his life.Â
#OH here they go stabbing me through the heart with the Yuuko feelings#GOSH#Every moment we still have with Yuuko is a precious gift#Because I swear ANY SECOND NOW she could just drift off the page and be gone#Not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle#xxxholic#xxxholic 88#Yuuko Ichihara#Also I canât imagine Watanuki would go a LONG time without visiting Kohane#So that means itâs all going down Soon#Which like. We know already by virtue of there only being so many chapters left#But it still FEELS scarily imminent when she says it like that
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talking entirely character wise. do you think today was a bit of a wake up call for bad. do you think he heard red screaming out of their minds begging for toxic gas and thought about how theyâve lost their minds just a little bit. do you think that when he was given an immediate no when he asked where the red egg was to help them defend he understood how deep of a rift he created. do you think as he sat there silent while the rest of red cheered at killing the egg statue, he wondered if he could have pushed them a little too far. do you think that maybe, just maybe, with the red sun beating down on him in that desert, the gas mask team cheering and dancing, he felt for a single moment the consequences of his actions? that maybe, if he hadnât started out so hostile with extreme tactics, if he hadnât been so bloodthirsty and ruthless, if he had had just a little bit of hesitation, that his own attempts at diplomacy would have gone over better? that the rest of the teams would have listened? that red would have trusted his judgement on the egg statues, or at the very least respected him enough to honor an agreement? do you think he realizes that burning his bridges may have fucked him over?
#now again stressing here Iâm talking about q!bad. character wise. I feel with how tense folks are getting this needs to be stressed#do you think he sees red and their tight knit unbreakable trust and their unwillingness to listen to a single thing he has to say#and considers that mayyybe he should have killed and tormented them a little less#he was told to not be afraid to run over the competition and took it to the extreme without hesitation or second thought and itâs biting him#in the ass now. because I do think that diplomatic call would have gone different between him and Cellbit had he not fucked them over so#terribly. if he hadnât done what he had done to slime and to jaiden. if he wasnât at their base 24/7. if he had a single ounce of tact#maybe there could have been a world where they agree to damage but not kill the eggs and honor it. but bad blew it long before that#disastrous call. he blew it day 2 when he just doubled down on his day 1 nonsense. which again that is the name of the game but yknow#consequences meet actions. and no heâs not the only one who didnât want to kill the eggs but heâs a big reason why the deal fell through#specifically with red. in another world they could have been convinced. do damage but donât kill. idk#again. qBBH. bless him but good god he has taken âwhatever it takesâ to the extreme and heâs paying for it now#mcyt#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#q!bbh#z speaks
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not an f&b aegon ii fan, not a hotd aegon ii fan, but a secret third thing (a fan of the aegon ii that only exists in my mind)
#extreme mommy issues his father figure is his grandfather & a dude who literally cannot stop committing hate crimes deeply upset that he#could have been his older sisterâs male wife but his mom said no and now he has to be king#wants to be a good husband to helaena but resents how gentle she is and dependent on his protection wears his hair short bc he resents his#fatherâs obsession with valyria when westeros is here now and needs him to do more than just acclaim rhaenyra decades ago and aegon#his true love is his dragon and he was never going to live long after sunfyre. the son that actually DID come with fire and blood to save#his mother but it wasnât enough never enough because heâs the oldest son but heâs also only second born and what is a second born son than#girlson who is functionally useless as anything more than a pawn to his family.#dying miserable and alone without even his motherâs love bc he came for her too late but he CAME FOR HER!!! HE SAVED HER. too bad.#she doesnât care anymore bc everyone she really loved is dead. dying a pawn and yet the powerful man in westeros.#letting the narrative consume him alive after sunfyre is injured and finds him on dragonstone. he knows heâs doomed when he goes up against#baela. he does it because what else do you do. youâve gone too far. killed too many. you killed your sisterâs children and she killed yours#in return and now you canât go back. no choice but mutually assured destruction with the only woman who ever saw how dangerous he was and#how desperate for loce he was. once upon a time. he was a baby bouncing in his sisterâs lap on the throne. and she was beautiful and tall#and soft and smart and she told him he was beautiful and loved and pointed out every name and held him the way a mother does.#it has to end there. if the narrative eats me and sunfyre alive it has to eat her too. he wonât go down without her.#getting on my soap box#aegon the usurper
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hi I am still not normal about how we never get much of an epilogue for Emily and Corvo in the second game we are told how the rule turned out and that Emily is the beloved empress now but nothing beyond that and I get that the entire game is very much built on that I get that the first game we have close relationship with Emily and become fond of the staff that work with the Loyalists so we feel alone because we do not quite see eye to eye with our allies and all we have left is this little innocent child that sees Corvo as someone who can do no wrong in this world which is strongly contrasted with the second game where Emily (or Corvo) has few trusted allies that they can actually rely on and it feels like a group of almost-friends working to dismantle the conspiracy but at the very end of it all Emily is all alone, even her return to the Tower is so much more grim, her taking down Delilah, the entirety of Dunwall- it all feels so incredibly and thoroughly isolating, she is all Alone now, and maybe that's why it bothers me so much to see the story end so abrupty.
it would've been so, so poetic if both the first and the second game ended with Corvo and Emily embracing
#li.txt#dh#sorry Im not okay about this I just#ahhh idk I cant quite explain it#but playing as Emily feels so much more lonely than corvo in the first game#she talks about saving corvo so much and we dont even get a hug#one thing that keeps coming to mind is silent hill 3 where heather goes through So So Much after her father is murdered#and when the final boss is beat she drops to her knees and breaks down#and I think Emily deserves a similar epilogue#the final release of all the stress and fear and anger#her freeing corvo and suddenly it clicks delilah is gone and her witches are gone and all the sigils drawn over the tower begin to fade#and it all hits her at once and she finally gets to cry it all out#because shes okay and meagan is okay and sokolov is okay and her father is okay and karnaca is okay#except they are not. because they all nearly died so many times and her father was trapped in stone and she had to see so much#she had to fight and survive all while unsure if it will lead to anything#all while she was worried for the people she loves because if she fails it means the few people she still has left will be gone too#she had to watch her mother die a second time and then hear the voice of her vengeful aunt for weeks taunting and mocking#(and she was her only family at the time and they could have been a family too. but that is too much to consider now)#i dunno. i just think she deserved a bit more there. just that one last hug from corvo before the game ends
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went skating and ending up in a ditch eating grass đđ
#just me hi#i always flop the second time i try a hill i fvsh#i'm still getting used to skating again cuz it's been like. forever so#/so i was turning after i'd gone down the hill#and i knew there was gravel at the end of the drive bc i had almost eaten asphalt earlier too (lmao)#so i was too spooked to turn too tightly and then before i knew it i saw the muddy ditch in front of me and the thought process went thus:#not turning fast enough- nudge- nudge- not turning fast enough- okay funk me- and then i just accepted my fate 6 whole seconds before i eve#hit the grass hfvhs#though i Did time it well enough so only my skates ended up in the mud and my face ended up in the dry dry grass#and then i roll up to our car wondering why i wasn't getting scolded for not turning fast enough (very helpful..) and it turns out#Nobody Saw Anything#my glorious face-plant. all for naught#sure it was a little embarrassing but nobody even saw it. smh#i Do bounce back fast though so maybe they thought i was playing in the grass or something hvfhsf#i got grass on. everything again hfsbhd#//well. with all this i am now sneepy#i'm going to. play a game now#'why don't you draw' i am. sneepy#also the Game is in my brain now so hfhs :3#wwehheeow bYe
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it's so weird when you suddenly experience intense pain for a few seconds and then it disappears again as if nothing happened like ??? wtf was that
#i thought i was dying there for a second#my body never ceases to confuse me#i've just had something that i can only describe as ''stitches but in your belly instead of your sides''#lay down got back up and now the pain is gone đ¤#whelp time to move on#pain
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PTSD is so stupid saw a jar of biscoff cookie butter at the store and went ha thatâs the brand they had in res. (Completely unaffected). Then went home and had a panic attack about it (????)
#first of all. how is a jar on a shelf that you didnât even touch harming you at all???#second of all. now that I know that chain Carrieâs bidcoff cookie butter Iâm never going there again. letâs leave those worms in their can.#(sees a food) huh. cookie butter. (the ptsd gremlin cooking up a nice panic sequence for me) well probably staff are trailing you right now#and they just left that there on accident because obv they keep cookie butter with them. and theyâre going to restrain and sedate you and to#youâll wake up tubed xoxo#<- INSANE ITS A JAR OF BISCOFF COOKIE BUTTER CALM THE SHIT DOWN#I only slept an hour last night and didnât sleep at all the night before so like that might have something to do with it but I feel like weâ#were gunning for day 3 here with the cookie induced paranoia#donât buy belsomra guys belsomra is a ripoff that Iâm pretty sure is just sugar pills#although I am abnormally resistant to pretty much every sleep med like iv ambien just makes me a bit lethargic the doctor who gave me it sai#said that was really weird and then ordered another piss test bc he thought I was on speed LMAO#nope just my brain. rotten. gone.#day 3 is usually when the insomnia hallucinations come out so like pray for me if you see this#though I did get an hour last night so maybe that counts
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Really random, but sometimes I get hardcore sucked back into the Royal Scandal series. The vibes and the stories are just A+, and so many muses get so noisy.
The only issue with that is the muses being really noisy doesn't lend itself very well to headcanons and stuff, so I'm sitting here trying to answer these Corruption questions for Creation, and the muses are in the back of my head. Doing concerning things. Being generally distracting.
Edit: Just realized that link only includes the main episode songs in their release order...which isn't the chronological order for the series. It's on the same channel if anyone wants to see the rest of the songs!
#[what is she getting us into now? -ooc-]#There's one piece of lore in the series about four kingdoms and one artifact per kingdom#each one grants something but...from what the lore suggests so far takes away something via a curse if they're misused?#or that the curses only happened when the original owners of the artifacts misused them?#but anyway#one grants power but takes away love#one grants love but takes away happiness#one grants happiness but takes away riches#and the last one grants riches but takes away power#and that's one part that my mind likes to latch onto like a squeak toy idk#I've always sort of wanted to do something to that effect with the original 4 species in Brinnela#or with the 4 realms that came after#those being Pirodet Irekol Sumydah and Wilacri or Celaeon; me and Kei have been going back and forth on which of the last two is older#It would probably be the second group tbh because they already all sort of have one that they would fit into#I DIGRESS#this post was just supposed to be to say that I'm heavily distracted and don't know how much I'm gonna get done tonight#and look at it now#a wholeass rabbit hole was gone down
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw đđ
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation đđ practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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life really just loves to drop kick me down the stairs sometimes
#personal#have been trying to do this to get my life more in order#like getting my medical testing and records#and applying for financial assistance to get out of the red#and every single thing has just not worked or gone wrong#i found out in order to apply for financial assistance for bills i have to have proof of food stamps to fast track it#easy right? no. i forgot i changed my name through the benefits system to my chosen name#my chosen name that does not match my legal name#my legal name that is attached to the accounts i'm applying to financial assistance to#and in order to change your name you have to call#which i tried and got transferred and put on hold so long they closed#so then i decided to order grubhub instead of going out to eat cause its raining and im now emotionally exhausted#just to have grubhub ârefuseâ my card#except when i called my cardholder number it listed SIX CHARGES OF THE ORDER#the order that is not on grubhub or on the restaurant (we called both)#and the second they went on their system to try and figure out why the charges were there#(which they were only on my cardholder not on my bank account)#the cardholders entire system went down#and now im just waiting for it to go back up to call back#but i did have an actual panic attack because if i can't get that figured out immediately thats legit over $200 worth of charges#and now i'm literally so fucking hungry cause any energy/fuel i had left went into my panic attack#oh! also forgot to mention that i was finally able to pick up a copy of my medical records from my childhood doc!#which i've been trying to get for like 2 months and shit just kept getting in the way (transportation/money for the records/limited hours)#got the thumb drive home#booted it up to the encrypted password page aaaaaand#the password doesn't fucking work#so now i have to get back to their office to figure out what the actual password is#i literally am so done with today i just want to phase out of existence forever please
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in my continueing quest to make Toi'uhla's life more difficult I've decided that zer baby hibernates like their father. Purely bc I can not think of anything that would distress zer more than zer 18 month old unexpectedly refusing to wake up one day, breathing very slowly, and being cold when ze goes to pick them up.
Like, ze knows Lordakai hibernates and ze has seen him while he's hibernating, but Still. Ze does not come from a species that hibernates and Eri didn't hibernate during their first winter. What would be even worse is that Lordakai had probably already been in hibernation for a month or so when Eri started, so he's not even around to help zer care for their hibernating baby, or just like, reassure zer they aren't dying.
#Toi'uhla can not tolerate Anything going wrong with Eri. like#ze probably wouldn't have been a helicopter parent if ze hadn't had zer first nest raided and zer eggs destroyed#and zer second nest have only a single egg hatch when zed had five in that clutch#and then had to hide from pirate hunters on a very small ship with zer infant.#but now after ze has gone through That entire mess#Eri cant get a cold without Toi'uhla having a panic attack. Them getting cold breathing slow and not waking up probably ranked in the top#5 worst days of zer life even if it was perfectly normal and completely benign#Fiana ends up being the one to slap zer out of it and just drag zer and Eri to where Lordakai and Yandoli are bunking down#for the winter. and putting Eri in-between them before dragging Toi'uhla back off to get zer drunk and let zer scream a bit.#to make zer just Calm Down before letting zer go back in to fuss over zer husband child and daughter in law#bc there was no preventing zer from Fussing just a reduction in how many feathers ze plucked in the following days.
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My school fucked up everyoneâs schedules and didnât let us know we have overlapping classes beforehand (I had TWO classes that only taught 7th periodâŚwhile having a 7th period skip.) and it didnât help those were two classes I was really looking forward to, and I wouldnât be so mad if this wasnât my senior year. However school doesnât start in about a week so Iâm still hopeful my schedule wonât be messed up too badâŚ
I used to go to a really shitty public high school in northern Florida and they fucked up my schedule like 3 different times lmfao It was so annoying. I'd just be figuring out a class and then they'd be like "btw you actually don't need this credit so we're putting you into another class". It was a nightmare. Hope your schedule gets ironed out fast and this ends up being the only issue that pops up with it
#asks#The school that fucked up my schedule also found out there was a car with a body in it that turned out to be a student that'd gone-#-missing like 15 years ago. It was so wild dude just like that whole school#My Spanish teacher taught us crude sex words like the second day. I got misgendered CONSTANTLY!!!! and this was BEFORE I WAS EVEN TRANS LMA#So technically it wouldn't be misgendering NOW but I still ID'd as a woman back then#There was this chick that had it down for me insanely creepy bad too#I was young and naĂŻve and gave her my phone number because I thought she wanted to just be friends but then I learned a valuable lesson lol#Btw I only went to this school for a month before we moved. All this happened in less than 4 weeks#Every single day I am grateful I am no longer in high school
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wait, Derin how did your leaving make the hospital shut down?
I used to work as a live-in nanny for a pediatrician.
Now, the thing about hospitals in my country is that they are massively understaffed and massively underfunded. This is especially true outside the major cities. The staff are worked to the bone and receive little to no help in things like finding accommodation or childcare, making working in rural areas a very uninviting prospect; staff come out here, get lumped with the work of three people (because there's nobody else to do it), burn out under the workload and leave, meaning that those remaining have even more work because that person is gone. It's unsustainable and the medical staff are doing their best to sustain it, because people die if they don't, so to the higher-ups it looks like everything's getting done and therefore everything is fine.
My friend (and boss) worked one week on, one week off, swapping out with another pediatrician. This was necessary because it would not be physically possible for one person to handle the workload for longer periods of time. The one single pediatrician had to hold up the entire pediatrics ward, which was not only the only public hospital pediatrics ward in our town, but also the one that served all the towns around us for a few hours' drive in all directions. I regularly saw her go to work sick, aching, tired, or with a debilitating 'I can barely make words or see' level migraine, because if she took a day off, twenty children didn't get healthcare that day, and some of these kids' appointments were scheduled weeks in advance. She'd work long hours in the day and then be called in a couple of times overnight for an hour or two at a time (she was on-call at night too, because somebody had to be), and then go in the next day. Sometimes she would be forced to take a day off because she physically could not stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time, meaning she couldn't drive to work.
Cue my niece's second birthday coming up in Melbourne. I'd been working for her for about 3 years, and she (and the hospital) had plenty of advance warning that I (and therefore she) needed one (1) Friday off. That's fine, we'll find someone to work that Friday, the hospital said. Right up until the last week where they're like "oh, we can't find a replacement; you can come in, can't you?"
No, she tells them; I don't have anyone to watch my kid that day.
Oh, surely you can hire a babysitter for this one day, they say. Think of the children! We really really need you to work that day. I know we said it'd be fine but we need you now, there's no one else to do it.
There are no other babysitters, she told them. Unless you can find one?
That's not our responsibility, they said.
But I'm not changing my plans, she's got plans by now as well, the hospital knew about this one day weeks in advance, and with absolutely no reserve staff they're forced to reschedule all pediatrics appointments for that Friday. Not a huge deal, it happens on the 'physically too overworked to get out of bed' days too. I go to Melbourne, she goes back to her home in Adelaide for her recovery week, all should be on track.
My niece gives me Covid.
This was way back in the first wave of the pandemic, and there were no Covid vaccines yet. The rules were isolate, mask up, hope. I had Covid in the house, and it would've been madness for my friend and her toddler to come back into the Covid house instead of staying in Adelaide. There was absolutely no way that a pediatrician could live with someone in quarantine due to Covid and go to work in the hospital with sick children every day. And no support existed for finding another babysitter, or temporary accommodation, so the hospital was down a pediatrician.
The other pediatrician wasn't available to do a three-week stint. They were also trapped in Adelaide on their well-earned week off.
Meaning that the only major pediatrics ward within a several-hour radius had no pediatricians. They had to shut down and send all urgent cases to Adelaide for the week. To the complete absence of surprise of any of the doctors or nurses; of course this would happen, this was bound to happen, it presumably keeps happening. But probably to the surprise of the higher-ups. After all, the hospital was doing fine, right? Of course all the staff were complaining of overwork and a lack of resources in every meeting, but they could always be fobbed off with the promise of more help sometime in the future; the work was mostly getting done, so the issue couldn't be too urgent.
It's not like some nanny who doesn't even work for the hospital could go out of town for a weekend for the first time in three years, and get the only public pediatrics ward in the area shut down for a week.
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cw breeding kink
Ghost and Soap who are perfectly happy dating you and it takes longer than it probably should have for you to realize that they never cum anywhere but inside you the second you agree to be theirs.
You sucking one of them off? Soap panting and gasping as you suck him down to the root, drooling like a slut because he's about to cum? Ghost is pulling your head away from Soap with a hand tangled in your hair. Lays back with you resting on his chest, big hands holding your thighs wide open. Soap being so drunk off pleasure he dives right into you without thinking to prep you first- thrusts once, twice, three times and he's pressing his hips tight against yours. Filling you up. You think they would proceed to get you off, but Ghost only helps you pull your underwear back on as you whine.
Watching Ghost fucking Soap face down in your bed, rubbing yourself to the sights and sounds. Soap moans like he's being paid to do it, whorish and heated and it goes straight to your pussy. Soap starts whining about how he's close and you're looking forward to a finale but Ghost stops his movement. Pulls Soap up by his shoulders, has you come lay down beneath him. Your eyes are rolling back as Ghost guides Soap into you. It's too much for poor Soap, whining like a dog as he's pushed into your wet heat. Ghost resumes fucking into Soap, each thrust pushing Soap deeper into you again and again. When Soap finishes with a cry, he's quick to roll out of the way. You watch Ghost above you now, growling as he tears his condom off. He doesn't fuck you like you assume he would, he dips just the tip in and jerks himself off, grunting as you feel him add to the mess inside you only a few thrusts later.
You and Ghost coming home from a date and find Soap jerking himself off on a loveseat in the living room, Ghost is hiking up your skirt and backing you up into his lap. Ghost quietly scolding Soap with a hand fisted in his mohawk while guiding you on Soapâs cock with his other hand. Listening to Soapâs pleas and apologies growing more and more hoarse and airy behind you as his thighs flex. He cums quickly, but Ghost doesn't let you up. Gets on his hands and knees and licks at your clit. Laps where your cunt and the base of Soapâs cock meet, making Soapâs spent cock twitch inside of you.
Another night. "Can't waste a drop," Soap says as he fingers their spend back into you, your tender cunt twitching around his fingers.
Another night. Ghost holding your legs up so you're nearly kissing your knees, helping you hold their cum inside you with his cock still plugging your hole. "This one will take, pet. Let's make sure of it."
Another night. "That's right love, take it all, take all of us," You're too far gone with the burning stretch of both of them at once in your cunt to question anything.
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"tears"
fluff for the sukuna fans bc i've been in a soft sukuna mood
ryomen sukuna x reader
Synopsis: sukuna isn't a stranger to arguments with you, but when he catches you crying after a particularly harsh one, he finds himself scrambling to fix it... in his own way
to sum it up: sukuna is an asshole but he loves you, so he tries his best
WC: 3,296
Warning(s): a lil angst
You knew exactly what you were getting into when you first started a relationship with the infamous king of curses, but that didnât mean it hurt any less when his tendency to be an asshole hurt your feelings.Â
You know Sukuna isnât a sentimental person who cares much for things like verbal reassurance, or consideration for the way the things he says can impact you, or anyone for that matter, but damn! Sometimes, heâs just too much of a jerk for you to handle, and Sukuna himself has no idea why your fragile human emotions sway you to be so affected by him. He doesnât even think heâs said anything wrong the times in which you grow angry with him.
Now, Sukuna can handle your anger. Anger is good. Anger means that there is something he can react to, something he can tame or involve into your intimacies when he takes your mind off of silly arguments or subdues your attitude over what he deems to be small inconveniences. Anger is the only human emotion that he has felt himself in his many years of existence, so he knows what to expect. He understands it. Heâs not, in the slightest, intimidated by it.
But what Sukuna finds he can not handle is the sound of your sniffles that resound from behind your door after youâve just slammed it into his face. Sukuna angles his brows, pressing his ear to the door in confusion. Are you⌠cold? Coming down with a fever? What the hell are you sniffing your nose so much for?
Then he hears the meek gasps that intercept, the vocalization of pain that creeps into your weakened inhalations that accompany your damned sniffling. Thatâs when he realizes that youâre crying, and his pupils shrink slightly knowing that he has gone a little too far this time.Â
Hell, how is he supposed to handle you crying? He canât fuck your sadness away like he can with your irritation. He canât mirror your sadness, since he has no clue what the hell itâs supposed to feel like. He canât empathize with it either, for he has no idea what he could have done to bring tears to your eyes and empathy, well, itâs not in his vocabulary to begin with. Itâs pathetic, he thinks, the way you have allowed him to bother you this muchâŚ
Yet it kills him to know that heâs the reason behind your tears.
He stands there for some time, unsure of what to do. Should he get Uraume to handle this? No, that may make things worse. You may want to be alone.
He turns to leave, but something stops him. He feels an ache in his chest, pressing his hand to his bicep. What the hell? What is this feeling?
He can still hear you crying, and somehow, it sounds like itâs getting worse, louder, or perhaps that is all in his head. He can no longer tell, but that sound youâre making is the only thing occupying his mind, and itâs ruining him. Itâs making his chest tighten, his brow furrow, his lips press together tightly. He should leave, but he doesnât want to. He doesnât want to abandon you like this.Â
Never once in his life has Sukuna felt remorse. Not even for all the times he has made you angry in the past when you two have had arguments. He is so quick to blame your reactions to things on your feeble human emotions. He is so quick to evade responsibility, or more so, refrain from guilting himself over the things he is responsible for. He is so quick to dismiss you, but itâs always fine because he has never witnessed you grow sad over his behavior, not until now.
Sukuna turns back to your door slowly. His hand flies to grab the handle to throw the door open, but he hesitates. Heâs unsure of whatâs happening to him, for heâs never hesitated before in his life. This, you crying, him second guessing himself, itâs all so new and he hates it. He needs to fix this immediately.Â
What do you humans like when you are upset? Thereâs a word thatâs slipping his mind, one he always hears you pester him for but turns down repeatedly. He had found the concept so irrelevant that he hadnât even bothered to recall what itâs called.
He crosses his arms and stares ahead harshly in thought, then it comes to him. An apology! Yes, thatâs what it is. But of course, you canât expect him to verbalize such a thing. You must want something as a gift. A physical representation of his desire not to see you cry. He rushes off to locate Uraume for preparations.
About an hour later, youâre curled up on your bed and facing the wall with a blank stare. Your tears stopped a while ago, and since you hadnât heard from Sukuna, you assumed he just didnât care about your feelings. Like always.
âOi,â a gruff voice through the door startles you. You jump and turn over, curling your brows in confusion at the sound of Sukunaâs voice. For a moment, you donât believe he is speaking to you, so you wait some time to see if he will speak again. âI know you can hear me in there,â his voice sounds again, and you groan.
âGo away,â you tell him, flipping back over.
Sukuna, on the other side of the wall, clicks his tongue in agitation. âQuit your pouting and come open this door.â
âNo. Until you learn how to treat me better, I donât want to see you.â
Treat you better? Sukuna doesnât understand this nonsense. You live in his large estate, youâre pampered by servants, showered with gifts and homemade meals, you sleep by his side every night, and he allows you to disrespect him far more often than he should. Not to mention, he has his arms full of presents at this very moment that are preventing him from opening the door himself. How can he possibly treat you any better than heâs already treating you?
He growls lowly and closes his eyes in irritation. âIf you open the door, your mood will improve.â
âI donât want anything other than what I just said.â
Sukunaâs eye twitches. Why are you so damn difficult? âWhat is your-â
âGo. Away.â
Oh. Alright, then.Â
You sit up abruptly when Sukunaâs foot breaks in the door with a loud crash. You stare with wide eyes, the door, now off its hinge, creaking open weakly to reveal the king of curses with his arms full of several bouquets of flowers.
âWhat the fuck, Sukuna?!â you cry. He only stares frustratedly as he walks into the space univinted.
âThis was going to go on for too long if I hadnât done something,â he says, approaching the side of your bed.
âYou canât just- fuck! What is wrong with you?â
Okay⌠this is already going poorly.Â
This is not the reaction he had desired from you, and perhaps he should have revisited the idea of kicking in the door, but he had been growing impatient. Despite his big talk, he doesnât like when you speak to him in such a cold way. He doesnât like being separated from you. He doesnât like not being able to see your face, and after all the work he has just done to collect these plants for you, he can not tolerate being turned away.Â
âMust you be so dramatic?â he tsks. âDo you not see what I have brought to you? Donât you humans like these things?â
You stare at him incredulously, mouth agape. Sukuna can see the tear stains clear on your face, and his heart clenches again. God, why is that sight so abominable?Â
He holds his arms out, presenting the flowers to you as if you could have possibly missed them. âThey are yours. Take them and be done with this.â
âBe done with what, Sukuna?â you shake your head, face scrunched.
âWith your tantrum- your tears, and the sniffles. Be done with them now. Here.â
You scoff. âDo you even know why you're giving these to me?â
Sukuna raises a brow. âTo cease your tantrum. As I just said.â
âI canât with you sometimes, Sukuna. Honestly.âÂ
âThis is really the thanks that I get for bringing you these damn flowers? I thought you were supposed to like things like this. Why would you make me waste my time?â
âIf you think itâs a fucking waste of time to bring me flowers, then thereâs your problem right there,â you raise your voice, pointing at him accusingly. Sukunaâs face hardens. He thinks youâre getting angry again, but he can still see the sadness behind your eyes. You look almost⌠defeated. âAnd if you knew me at all, youâd know that I never cared about any of that stuff. I never cared about the flashiness or the gifts or whatever the fuck.â
Sukuna lowers his hands, letting the bouquets drop carelessly to the floor. âNow you are accusing me of not knowing you?â he seethes. âIâm not sure when you decided that it was acceptable for you to speak to me this way, but I will not tolerate it. I do nothing but dote on you, you ungrateful brat.â
âYeah, sure, you dote on me, and then you turn around and berate me and call everything I feel stupid because you donât care to even try to understand why some of the things you say are not okay!â
Sukuna walks closer to invade your personal space, leaning in to glare angrily at you as you do the same. This is what he knows. This is what he chooses to respond to. Not the curl in your brow, not the tremble of your lips, not the unsteadiness of your voice, but your anger. âWhy should I care if all you do is whine,â he grumbles.Â
You clamp your mouth shut as a lump forms in your throat. Sukuna watches you unravel before him, and while he tries to keep an unmoved expression, he is internally panicking when he sees your eyes gloss over again and your nose flare.Â
Shit. Heâs supposed to be making you feel better. How has he gone and made things worse again? Why is he incapable of understanding how to be what you want him to be?
You take in a trembling inhale as your hands clench and unclench at your sides. You donât want him to see you cry. You donât want him to call you weak, but you canât help the tear that breaks past your lashes and dashes down your cheek, a physical display of your heartache.Â
Sukunaâs crimson eyes fly to the tear, and his brows smooth out against his intent.Â
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Youâre crying again, and itâs his fault. Itâs always been his fault. What is this now that heâs feeling? Regret? Shame? Is that what is clawing at his chest and stripping him of his resolve? Making him wish to replay this entire interaction so that you do not appear before him with tears in your eyes once more? Is this what it is to fall?Â
You rub angrily at your eyes and huff, turning away from him and plopping back down on your bed, back facing him. You shut yourself away, close yourself off, and deprive Sukuna of your pretty face for the second time today. âJust leave me alone. Youâve made it perfectly clear that you donât give a fuck about me or anything, for that matter.â
Sukunaâs eyes widen slightly with the deepening of his frown. That ache he has felt in his chest spreads throughout his body, serving as tension in his back, head, and shoulders. You think he doesnât care for you? What nonsense. Youâre the only being on this planet who has made a millennia of existence worth living, and you think he doesnât care?
Sukuna can not even pin the blame onto you this time around. He can not accuse you of overreacting, nor can he evade such a thing that is so clearly his doing. He has made you feel uncared for, and while his temper may get out of hand, and his inability to fully comprehend the plagues of the human mind gets in the way, and he never tells you that he loves you, making you feel unloved is the last thing he ever meant to do.Â
âHey,â he mumbles, but you do not move. You cling to yourself for comfort because you do not believe he can provide any for you. âBrat-â he starts, but rethinks. He reaches his hand out to you. â(Y/n). Enough of this.â
âI donât want to see you right now, Sukuna. Canât you respect at least that for once?â you croak.Â
His hand freezes and he lets it fall. Respect. Understanding. That is what you want from him, and he has not been giving it to you. He has not been giving you anything that you request of him emotionally, for that matter. He has been neglecting your mental needs whilst overpowering you with the physical, and itâs drawn you away from him.Â
He could force you to get up. He could drag you by your hair to his bedroom. He could make you look him in the eye, make you stay with him, make you stay silent about this from this point on and forever more. Sukuna has the power and the authority to do soâŚ
But the idea is not appealing. Not in the slightest.
Sukuna wants you happy. He wants you to want to be with him willingly, and if he ignores your consent now of all times, it would be like throwing away the life he has built with you. Throwing away your desires, and Sukuna does not long for a world in which you are any more uncomfortable than you already are.Â
He takes a step back, looking over the flowers that he has dropped, and accepts the will of the mortal he fell in love with.Â
âI will be in my chambers if or whenever you wish to see me,â he says lowly, giving in. He moves to leave but stops himself once more. He never had stopped himself this much before. â...I apologize for making you cry. I will send someone to fix your door immediately.â
Sukuna is well on his way when he hears you shuffling behind him. He turns, admittedly hopeful for your reaction, and finds you peeking in confusion over your shoulder. â...What did you just say?â you whisper.
The king of curses stalls, looking directly into your eyes from across the room. He feels suddenly⌠weak. Vulnerable. For the first time, he has relented his power for you to take hold of, and it feels strange to say the very least. âDo you wish for me to repeat myself?â
You sit up slowly, turning around. You knuckle at your red nose, watching him suspiciously. âI do. I may have misheard you.â
He studies you for a moment until he realizes that you are being facetious. âYou heard me the first time.â
âMaybe I just want you to say it again.â
Sukuna sighs heavily. âI did not intend to make you cry, nor did I intend to make you feel as though I do not care for you. That is a foolish thought, but I understand I do not convey the depth of my feelings for you the way you wish me to convey it.â
You look dumbfounded as you stare at him in silence. Sukuna clicks his tongue, unsure of how you are going to respond.Â
âQuit staring at me and say something, woman.â
âI just⌠never thoughtâŚâ you trail off, swallowing harshly. âI never thought you would ever say something like that to me.â
âYou will only hear me say such things when you are- when Iâve made you unhappy,â he clarifies firmly. Your nose twitches, an involuntary movement that Sukuna catches and finds entirely too adorable. Your eyes are still damp, but your breathing has evened out.Â
âThatâs the first,â you quip.
âEnough.â
You press your lips together, glancing at the flowers Sukuna brought you. Just then, you notice that they are your favorite.Â
You tell yourself you knew what you were getting into when you first started dating the king of curses, but at times you forget that Sukuna is in fact a demon, and a king at that. He does not believe in any better than what he is.
âYou hurt my feelings, Sukuna,â you say softly. âDonât you get what that means? At least for me?â
âNo,â he responds honestly. âBut I do see now that you have different needs. And I understand that I refuse to watch you cry if there is something I can do about it.â
You try to remain angry with him. You try to keep yourself distanced, but you can not help the way that you are softening, and Sukuna notices. A hint of a smirk curves at the corner of his lips.Â
âIs that all I had to say to make this better?â
âShut the hell up,â you hiss. âIt wouldnât have killed you to apologize for the hundreds of other times weâve fought, you know.â
âYou werenât crying the other times, woman.â
âIt doesnât matter,â you roll your eyes.Â
Sukuna tilts his head, placing a hand on his hip. âYouâre not still upset, are you?â
âYes,â you pout, and he catches on.
âWhat is it you want now, to be pampered like a spoiled brat?âÂ
He makes the suggestion as if to offend you, but the two of you both know that he is hardly making a joke. âWhat I want is for you to fuck off.â
A chuckle rumbles in Sukunaâs throat as he makes his way over to you. You immediately break and screech when he yanks you forward by your ankle and loops you up into his arms before sitting down on your bed and setting you in his lap.Â
He looks you dead in the eye and lifts a rough thumb, swiping stubbornly at your tear stains and your damp lashes. âCrybaby,â he mutters, and you swat his hand away.
âWhatever, asshole.â You push at his chest with weak contempt and he looks at you boredly.
âYouâre pitiful,â he grumbles, gripping your chin securely and guiding it to him. His blood red eyes seep into yours, gazing intently. âNo more tears, do you understand?â
âThen donât make me sad.â
âI wonât,â he tells you confidently.
A smile twitches on your lips as you look over him, completely unfamiliar with this side of the king of curses. âCan you do one more thing for me, and then Iâll maybe think about forgiving you?â you bite your lip, pressing your finger to his broad shoulder.
Sukuna grunts. âMore demands, huh? I suppose you know how to take advantage of a situation. What more do you want?â
You wrap your arms over his neck. âTell me how much you care about me,â you sing.Â
âDid I not just do so?â
âNo, I want you to spell it out. Tell me you love me.â
âI highly tolerate you.â
âTell me you loveeee me.â
âYou are the only human being I do not frown upon.â
âSukuna.â
âChrist, woman, youâre mine. Isnât that enough?â he grits his teeth and you snort, patting his cheek gently.Â
âFor now.â
âSuch a pest, you know that?â he mumbles, pushing in swiftly to press his lips firmly to yours in a swift peck. âDonât ever say I donât care for you again. It is the most false and offensive thing I have ever heard."
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