#and now im typing this out in fucking tumblr of all places at 2am in the morning having to wake up in 4-5hours and i just know the

[frostbitesjc]

.

[misfitjohnnys]

unintentional; i just can’t stay by your side

You’ve worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and Mark Lee is a soft twist in your busy life, but you know hiding part of yourself eventually always bites anyone in the ass.

Word count: 19k - part 4/5

Reader x Mark Lee

(M)

masterlist // warnings

Mark hadn’t texted you back yet even once you woke up, sending you into a slight worry. The night shift had been hell and you were trying hard not to worry about Mark on his flight; you already had so much on your plate after your time spent away with him.

a/n: this chapter contains smut

You quickly logged onto Tumblr and tried to get some kind of update, blinking a bit when you saw nothing from searching his name and moved to Twitter. You were still met with nothing. The signs were both good and bad. No bad news, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was all good. You decided to text him again, but hoped you weren’t being too much. You’d already sent a few texts and you were scared to text the other members in fear that something bad had happened; you couldn’t handle if that was the truth.

Everything okay? Missing you :(

You sighed, tossing your phone to the side and staring at your ceiling, alone in your empty bed. It was the first time Mark had been away from your country since you met and you hated that you were feeling this way, but you couldn’t help it. You got up and tried to busy yourself by cleaning and taking your things from the spare room to set your decorations back up. You thought it would make you feel better to do so and to see things that reminded you of him, so you reorganized your memorabilia with no avail, trying to wait patiently for a response.

Mark was probably busy, you decided. Baekhyun had blown up his phone and he was back at home so maybe he was catching up, but you thought a text message wasn’t too much to get. Mark was normally good at responding, wonderful even. So, it was only a bit odd that you’d gotten nothing since his just landed! text that you’d gotten at 7pm the previous night. It had been about a day and a half since you dropped him off and the flight was almost 16 hours, so something didn’t feel right. It should’ve been nearing 1am at that point. You’d have to get used to the time difference, unfortunately.

You decided on cleaning your whole apartment to distract yourself and take a day off, calling the housecleaner off yet again. You needed to keep your mind busy until Mark would text you back. It took about an hour after you started your cleaning, but you finally got a response, gasping when you saw the name on your phone. You had to calm down for just a moment before opening it, smiling and trying to relax. It had been way too long for a response, but you were going to give him space.

Hey

You swallowed. He hadn’t ever texted you a greeting like that before, he always used emojis and overused exclamation points, so just the simple word bothered you. You tried to shake it off, texting him eagerly as always.

hey!! how is everything?

You hoped you’d get a better response, but you were left disappointed.

its okay i guess, i’m pretty busy.

You gulped, not liking the tension, but after all it was over text message, so you shouldn’t be as worried as you were. but something didn’t feel right. You tried to find the right words to respond but were cut short by the ellipsis followed by another text.

Can we like, talk?

Of course, you could talk to him. You shockingly weren’t busy, and you always made time for Mark.

yeah of course! you wanna call me? 💞

You tried to ease whatever was going on with your own sweetness, hoping it would be returned.

Not really.. I’m kind of in the middle of something, but I have to talk to you.

Oh no, there it was. Something was happening. You wanted to play the joke card to ease the tension because he always wanted to call you, he rarely didn’t call you for at least a minute when you asked, but you had to understand that he was back home and things would be different when he was there. It was much more dangerous. You watched the dots appear on your screen again, pausing your own thoughts for response.

Are you like, an nctzen?

Mark felt stupid for asking like that, but they were the only words he could come up with. You thought it was cute and you didn’t think anything of that message, which eased your concern a bit.

well yeah, dummy 😂 why wouldn’t I be?

More dots showed up, quicker this time.

No. That’s not what I mean.

You swallowed again.

Mark was sitting at home awake much too early with Taeyong sleeping, not really wanting to talk to him about the situation either. Taeyong didn’t seem like anything was wrong and that bothered Mark to no end. He sighed, typing a response again and he only saw the read receipt from you.

Like. Okay. Were you a fan of us, before all this happened? Like from the beginning. When you met me.

Your heart was beating fast, staring blankly at the message. Fuck, you should’ve told him by now. You had the time, you had the ability to tell him the whole time, you don’t know why you hadn’t. Of course, you knew that it was more of a possibility of him tossing you away that scared you into not telling him in the first place. You had every opportunity to come clean and you hadn’t. You feared his judgement and it swayed your truth. You sat in guilt on it for so long, hoping it would turn out to be fine and be something you laughed about later on, but it didn’t seem like that was how the conversation was going to go. At all. You were nervous, you wanted to deflect, buy some time. Maybe he was just asking to clear his own head and you were thinking too hard into it.

mark baby what’s this about?

You felt stupid for asking like that at the seriousness of the conversation, sighing and deciding on sending another message.

can you call me later? i can tell something is up, we can talk about it later if youre busy okay? focus on your work, i love you.

You had forgotten about the time again, just assuming that he was busy with other things. He did have extremely tight schedules after all.

I’ll call you later.

Okay, I’ll be here to answer, alright?

And like that, you got no further response, no I love you too, just a read receipt and a bad feeling in your gut. You sighed, checking on the time difference. Mark had to have been home in his dorm, lying awake either much too late or up too early and you knew how things got to him in the hours between night and morning. Maybe he needed to sleep whatever off, you would give him the space. You decided to try and busy yourself with cleaning again, but you found yourself obsessively checking on Tumblr, Twitter, and anywhere else you could think to find any information on what Mark had been up to. You knew it was wrong, but you thought your worries would be eased. What if he found your accounts? Maybe that was what this was about, but you didn’t think so. Mark wasn’t very big on social media in general, so you doubted he’d find you easily.

The feeling in your gut didn’t subside for a few hours, aimlessly wandering around your apartment and trying to straighten up even more, but everything was reminding you of the last week and the fact that Mark had just been there days ago and now he was back home questioning you over text message and nothing felt like it was making any sense. You didn’t know what exactly you did wrong, but there were so many ways he could have found out, you weren’t exactly sneaky, you just didn’t tell him the whole truth.

You sighed heavily, deciding to text your friends to figure out what was up. Irene was still pretty angry with you for ditching your responsibilities to follow a concert tour and you’d hardly seen her aside from in passing without questioning you, so you didn’t know what she’d think if you messaged her about Mark. She was off of the option list. Yeri seemed like a valid person to give decent feedback, so you shot her a message.

Yeri sweetie I’m freaking out I don’t know what to do

She was always quick to reply.

Oh god what’s happening are you okay

Not really, I think I fucked up with Mark and I don’t know what to do

Holy shit wait, are you still talking to him????

dude AM i?? We kinda made things official and he came to visit me a week ago shit im sorry I haven’t updated you

no fucking way dude I still have Lucas in my DMs… man what have we gotten ourselves into???

lucas??? in your DMs???

YES OMG but okay that doesn’t matter what’s happening with Marky Mark???

You’d return to the Lucas conversation at a later date, that didn’t matter right now. You wanted guidance and you knew Yeri wasn’t the best at advice, but she was great at listening and offering a helping hand as much as she could give you, so it was helpful.

okay so he texted me some cryptic stuff and I’m just really nervous that i messed something up

Alright stop freaking out lmao, I’m sure everything’s fine and you’re just being dramatic!! What did he say?

You sighed and screenshot the last bit of your conversation and sent it, hopefully trying to get a better answer. It felt wrong to share your conversations with him, but you felt it was the best way to help you and get a clearer answer. Yeri knew you had put up the charade in the first place and wasn’t too fond of the idea, but she’d never tell you that. She’d act oblivious as much as she could to stay on your side.

What could that be about?? Did someone get to him and try to make you look bad??

Yeri i literally have no idea, I’m freaking out trying to figure it out! It’s like 2am there and I don’t want to bother him again to talk

Okay sweetie well just let it ride out, see what he has to say and call him in the morning! Don’t freak out too much yet, I’m sure it’s fine!! i love you!!!

You sighed again, hoping that Yeri was right, she usually was, but Irene usually had a more practical answer. Irene wasn’t someone you could ask about this though, she’d be angry with you for trying to focus on someone instead of your work and you hadn’t even updated her on exactly what was going on, so she was out of the loop to begin with and telling another person didn’t seem like it was in the best interest of you or Mark. You frowned, hoping that you’d calm down a little more before going to sleep because it had gotten dark before you realized how fast time had flown by. Maybe you’d send him one last text, just to ease your own mind.

Hey, I know it’s late, but I’m worried I did something to upset you and that’s the last thing I want, can we talk as soon as possible?

Yeah, I’ll call you in the morning.

Goodnight.

Sleep well, okay?

He’d never been so short with you before, just hoping that it wasn’t an issue you created because you didn’t think you did anything for him to find out. Maybe someone else was speculating and it wasn’t on you at all. You tried to convince yourself that maybe someone had him paranoid instead of it being something you did. You were trying to be optimistic and hoped it would all just blow over. It would break your heart to have ruined it yourself because things were going so well, and it was so long since you’d been so happy before. You sat in your freshly made bed, hoping to relax a bit. A few hours passed, still trying to find things to ease your mind before it was getting late. Still no call from Mark and no other texts from him either. You checked the time, hoping it was getting to be around morning time for him. Maybe you’d get lucky and he needed to be up early.

Your hopes were answered when you received a text around 4pm.

Is now a good time?

Your heart was racing faster than you’d ever felt it, your stomach in knots.

-

Mark had the chance to talk to Taeyong, who had more of a difficult time talking to him than he thought possible, Taeyong’s nerves were shot and he spent his hardest time trying to defend you.

“So you knew about this, like, the whole time?”

“Well, no..” Taeyong sighed, scratching behind his ear nervously. “I only found out after we went bowling and Baekhyun-hyung had me come in the room with him and-“

“So you helped him go through the suitcase?”

“No, not at all, I-um- actually told him not to, but you know he’s very persistent and-“

“Taeyong, come on, please.” Mark nearly looked on the verge of tears. “You know I hate being lied to, I hate it so much, so why didn’t you tell me?” He pleaded with his leader, hoping to get a better answer than the upsetting one he was getting.

“I-“ Taeyong sighed. “I saw how happy you were, and I know that we all get a bit uncomfortable when we try to talk to someone and they’re a fan, and I-“ He tried to gather his words, earning a disappointing look from Mark. “I didn’t want you to make that mistake.” Taeyong was honest, he was pure at heart and only wished for the best in people. The last thing he wanted was for Mark to give up his chance of pursuing you because of the stigma around dating a fan, so he stayed quiet and it was biting him in the ass.

“Well, now I might have made another mistake because I’ve been lied to for the last, what? Few months?” Mark scoffed. “Does anyone else know? I mean come on, we’re all in a group chat with half of 127, you know how awkward that is that I literally introduced them to someone who possibly fucking idolizes them? That’s so weird dude!” Mark didn’t like the idea of putting Yuta, Jaehyun, Johnny, or anyone else in danger and it would be all his fault if something happened, the boys were weird and texted dumb things and private conversations, so it wasn’t a good look to have you knowing them all like that. Granted, they were adults and could have spoken up and denied being added, but Mark knew they all believed the best in people, which is why he made the chat in the first place.

Taeyong gulped again, trying to get Mark to calm down before he spoke again. “Nobody else knows.”

“Nobody?” Mark didn’t seem so sure.

“No, Baekhyun hasn’t told anyone either.” Taeyong was biting his nails, looking anywhere but in Mark’s eyes. He was almost sure that Baekhyun hadn’t told anyone because he seemed so adamant that the word shouldn’t get out, but Taeyong wasn’t entirely positive.

“You sure?” Mark asked, pleading for Taeyong to answer him honestly. Taeyong had a history of making sure everyone was always happy, so Mark had to make sure he wasn’t avoiding the truth just to please the boy.

“I’m positive, okay?” Taeyong nodded. He wasn’t, but it would put Mark at ease, but he was positive that even if Baekhyun had slipped up that he wouldn’t put them into even more danger by adding to the situation. EXO was known for being level-headed and under the radar, so he didn’t fear that you’d be exposed, not even a little bit. He thought a moment, blinking at Mark. Taeyong was going to make his statement. Maybe he wasn’t right in how he felt, but it felt like he was. “I don’t care, I think the two of you are good together and you make each other happy, so you shouldn’t care either!” Taeyong sighed softly. “Have you two talked?”

“Not yet, I’m, um, supposed to call later. I was supposed to call days ago, but I-I don’t know if I can.” He’d texted you, but he’d avoided calling you for days and you tried to be fine with him not talking to you even when he seemed like he had so much to say and clearly the conversation was important but the time never felt right and Mark was obviously avoiding the problem.

“Please talk, you guys have something special okay, I know it.” Taeyong offered a smile, trying to make sure Mark didn’t regret his decision just because of one small hiccup. Mark sighed again, his face in his hands. “You should be upfront and figure the whole thing out.”

“Okay, I’ll call, fine.” Mark grumbled, pressing his thumb and forefinger to his temples. “I seriously don’t know what to do, man.” He scoffed. Taeyong sighed softly, nodding his head.

“I mean, stand in that position, what if you decided not to talk at all just because you found out about the three of them were fans? I can’t exactly blame them in this situation. I can understand why they hid it from you, you probably would’ve backed away before it even started.” Taeyong tried his best to comfort Mark, but he could tell he was failing. He was disappointed in himself for failing to talk to Mark before Baekhyun got to him in the first place, he blamed himself more than anyone. It was a tough situation to be in in general, he understood both perspectives and just wanted everyone to be happy. Taeyong didn’t know what to do.

“But you could’ve warned me.”

“I don’t know that it would’ve helped..” Taeyong was probably more nervous than you, settling back down with biting his nails and he wasn’t even sure who he could talk to about his own nerves, not wanting to hurt Mark any further until you two settled what was going on. He hoped everything would be okay, Taeyong liked you. He thought you were wonderful, and he was so happy to meet you and see how radiant and excited Mark had been since becoming a trainee, he just hoped it would all be fine. He wanted Mark to be happy, he wanted you to be happy. He liked the friendship he’d made with you and checking to see how you were doing, always followed with happy text messages and even he wanted to message you before it blew up, but it didn’t feel right.

Taeyong wanted it to all be okay.

-

“Hey.” The voice on the other end of the speaker was almost terrifying. You had gasped when Mark finally called. It had been a while since you talked. Mark had done a good job ignoring you for way too long and you felt like you could pass out.

Your heart was pounding painfully in your chest. It was nearing 4pm your time because he’d clearly let it go on to the next day even after he and Taeyong’s conversation, but he had finally decided to call when he woke up, thoughts rushing around both your heads, but the biggest fear was whether or not Mark was alright. You had been so worried about you and where you stood with him, but once you heard his voice that was long forgotten, you just wanted him to be alright. That’s what mattered more than anything.

“Mark?” You questioned, voice coming out much shakier than you wanted it to.

“Hey,” He sighed through the speaker. You didn’t know if you were ready for the conversation even if you had so much time to prepare for what you’d hear, but you knew it was necessary to keep whatever was happening between the two of you at a decent standing. “I’ve got, um, a question.” He sounded confused and choked up.

“Okay, yeah, you can ask me anything.” You assured him, hoping to put him at ease. “Is this about what you texted me about?”

“Yeah,” Mark cleared his throat. “It is, um. So, like. Be real with me.” He sighed again. “Were you a fan of us before all this? Be honest with me, please. I-I-I asked the other day and you didn’t answer.”

You had half a mind to deflect again even after some serious thought, but you weren’t sure it was the right answer. “I-“ You sighed. “I knew about you.”

“That didn’t um, exactly answer my question.” His laugh sounded condescending and you felt like you could vomit. “How much did you know?” You sighed again.

“A good amount, I guess..” You trailed off, voice quieter.

The speaker was silent for a moment. “Please don’t lie to me, I really don’t like being lied to.” He was making it more and more obvious that you had really messed up, which was your biggest fear. You had messed up and there was going to be no way to avoid the conversation and go back to normal because you neglected to tell him in the first place. You avoided it on purpose and kept making excuses, but you were screwed. You messed up. It wasn’t someone projecting on him, he had been told the truth and you didn’t know how, but it didn’t matter. He knew and all you could do was confirm and come clean.

“Mark,” You sighed again, knowing it was finally time to fess up. You weren’t sure how to word it, but you finally had to tell him the truth even though it was too late. You had a feeling. “I was actually in the city for the SuperM concert with my friends and-“ You paused to calm yourself down. “I’ve been a fan of you for a while, yeah.”

“Me?” His voice was softer, obviously trying to get you to continue.

“Well-Like, all of you? I guess.” You said briefly, biting your lip. “I’ve kind of.. been a fan for a while.”

“And you didn’t think this was that big of a deal?” He asked with a scoff.

You paused for a moment, silence breaking waves in your head. You should have told him, and you had been purposefully avoiding it. You feared telling him and it felt like good reasoning until that moment. “I was scared, Mark.”

“Scared of what?” He asked, tone much more aggressive than you were used to. You felt sick to your stomach, lying on your bed and trying to finish the conversation without freaking out fully.

“Scared of you not wanting me anymore, I guess. Scared that you might not give me a chance.” You hoped that was the right answer. It was the truth and hopefully he would understand. Maybe it would all blow over.

“I wish you would’ve just said something because now it absolutely, like, feels like you’ve been hiding shit from me.” Mark had never raised his voice, he still was level-headed, but you knew he was correct in his feelings and he had every right to react that way. “I seriously hate being lied to more than anything in the damn world and you’ve been doing it to me for months, I just like people to just be, like, upfront with me, dude!” It was weird to hear him speaking like that especially since it was all so new to begin with, wishing you had never put him in the position to be angry with you.

Internally, Mark knew that he more than likely wouldn’t have given you a chance, but he didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to pretend that he wouldn’t have done that, but it wasn’t the truth and he knew it. He was pulled from his thoughts again when you spoke. “I-Mark, I-I’m really sorry, you’re right, I should’ve said something.”

“Yeah, you think?” He scoffed again. “This is like, exactly what happens to people in this industry.” His voice started to crack a bit and knowing you were the reason for his upset was more than heartbreaking. “We have such a hard time dating people because they get lied to, okay? I trusted you, I poured my heart out to you and every single time I thought you were just interested in me, it was all things you probably already knew, huh?” The bite in the last sentence was soul-crushing, your throat felt tight.

You didn’t know how to respond. You pulled yourself together, trying to ignore the blinding headache you were getting from having hurt him so badly. It was never your intention, but he was right. He was. “Yes.”

“You knew all that stuff. You knew our songs; you knew the members and here I was just thinking you had learned it all for me.” He spat, hurt in his tone. “I thought I was special, someone you wanted to get to know and it was stuff you already knew! You knew everything, didn’t you? Didn’t you?” He repeated more aggressively, but you didn’t want him to think you wouldn’t have done those things in the first place. If you had been in the position to get to know him from scratch, you would have learned those things about him, but knowing him was the reason you had connected and invited him to the party in the first place. He was special, but it wasn’t an authentic relationship and it killed you that you’d done something so stupid.

“You.. Are special, Mark.” You sighed, trying to ignore the tears begging to fall because he was right. “You didn’t deserve to be lied to, but Mark, I really like you. Not even just because you’re famous or my idol or anything, I really, really like you okay? I’m interested in continuing to get to know you and every moment I spent with you is a miracle and I just hope you feel the same way.” You were both quiet for a moment.

“I mean,” He huffed into the phone. You didn’t expect him to go off. “I thought I did, but how can I trust you? I had to find out from Baekhyun that you’d been lying to me! Not only me, but to Lucas, Taemin, everyone!” The words stung. “We let you in the chats, let you into our personal lives, and then we find out we probably fucked up big time? That’s low, it’s really fucked up looking at it. It puts us in danger, okay?” You gulped. He was right. He had every right to be mad because it was almost like you were invading his personal life by hiding part of yours. “I’m supposed to make the decision on if I want to take it anywhere with someone knowing who I am. I’m supposed to be the one to decide, not you!” It felt wrong. You felt wrong. You shared so much with Mark and he shared enough with you to get him into huge trouble, but you had ignored it for your own selfishness and continued to drag it on. “Do you see where I’m coming from?”

“Mark, I swear I’d never put you in danger.” And you wouldn’t. You’d never do anything to hurt him or anyone else but that didn’t matter in the conversation. You had avoided dating for the same reason, people searching for your money or to get what they wanted when you first got your name up, but you never expected to be in the opposite position. You didn’t need Mark for the money, but the validation of having someone more famous than you was probably an internal validation that you seeked. Maybe it was why you’d done it in the first place; having someone you looked up to interested in you felt good and it made you selfish.

The mention of Baekhyun didn’t raise any flags in your head at the time, it didn’t even cross your mind that it was why he’d been so dodgy with you and weird in the first place. You’d only met him twice in comparison to the others and both times he was sweet but guarded. The lines didn’t connect at the mention.

“So, you haven’t talked about this to anyone? Not on the internet or anything?” He scoffed, finding it hard to believe if your answer was no. You hadn’t told anyone and the people you did tell had met with them and weren’t in any position to speak out about it. Seulgi didn’t care and Yeri was talking to Lucas, so they weren’t a threat because they’d end up exposed too. However, Yeri was an open book and you were positive Lucas knew about her liking him anyway.

“No, I swear. I’ve only talked to the friends you met and they’re not stupid either, we’d never do that to you.” You answered honestly. “I haven’t told anyone, at all. Not even my assistant! They only know I’m talking to someone, what’s between us is private.” Mark knew who Irene was to you and the fact that you hadn’t told her didn’t seem close to believable in his state of mind.

“I just don’t know if I can trust that.” He had every right to feel that way, but you wanted to let him know that you cared, and you would never cross that line. You had to remind yourself that you’d never get Mark in trouble and that seemed to be what he was most worried about.

“I-“ You swallowed, sighing and trying to let him calm down. “Mark, I promise I’d never do that. I wouldn’t tell anybody because I know what would happen if the word got out, I-” he cut you off.

“I just-I don’t know what to do now.” If you were in fact being honest, Mark had to consider how he was feeling now that he knew the truth. It was all up to him to figure out what to further do.

“I-I know.” You did know, you did know the danger he could be in, but again, you’d never hurt him. You hadn’t said anything. You’d been truthful and didn’t even know how you wound up in that position, but you were definitely not going to ask. You weren’t lying about anything you’d confessed to at all, you only wanted the best for Mark, but you being with him was just too exciting to give up and you knew from the early in the beginning that you didn’t care who he was, you liked him for who he showed himself to be, you liked his authentic self. Maybe you should reiterate your feelings and the silence was killing you. “Mark, I promise I could care less about how famous or anything you are. I like you. I like you more than anyone I’ve ever dated or talked to, and yeah it’s exciting that you’re someone I used to idolize, but it’s all changed now. I know you deeper than that. You’re amazing and I love that you gave me a chance and I hope you can give me the opportunity to make it up to you and everyone else.” The line was quiet again for longer than you expected. You wish you knew if he was smiling, if he was feeling better, if all you were saying meant anything. “Mark?”

“I’m processing, okay?” He huffed over the phone again. “I just don’t know how I feel, okay?”

“I understand.” You did, you knew the tight spot you’d put him into, but you were going to own up to it.

“I’ll talk to you later.” You could hear the irritation in his voice. “Let me think.”

“I-“ You swallowed, wondering if you should even say it, but you wanted to remind him how you felt. “I love you.”

“Yeah.” The line went blank, he’d hung up. You hadn’t experienced a heartbreak like that; it was unsettling and crushing. You felt tears well up in your eyes and wondered how you went from being so wonderful to being such an issue in his life. That was the last thing you wanted, but deep down you knew that time would come. You just hoped you got lucky enough for him to be blind to it, but not everyone else was. The subject of Baekhyun finding out was starting to stand out in your head finally, furrowing your brows and you knew you should leave Mark alone, but you wanted to know exactly what he meant. You didn’t want to further bother him at all, but after a few minutes, it was eating you up and you knew you had to ask. You thought up a text to Mark, but quickly erased it. You decided to text Taeyong.

Yong?

You didn’t get an answer quickly, so you’d send another.

can i ask you something?

You got to thinking about everything Mark said and suddenly Baekhyun seemed to be an important part in the whole thing. Maybe that was why Baekhyun was so distant. Maybe he knew the whole time. The possibility was driving you crazy, but you had to remain calm and work it out the right way. It was your only hope of redemption and Taeyong was the most calm and friendly person you’d spoken to from the experience. You two had become decently close. Taemin and Ten didn’t seem comfortable enough with you yet and Lucas was unfortunately hopeless when it came to any issue at all, he was the biggest avoider in conflict and Mark had mentioned that he was timid when a situation arose, you noted, so you would definitely not bother him. You’d just have to wait it out for now.

No response from Taeyong. Maybe you’d messed that up too.

Days upon days had passed and you still hadn’t gotten a response or any kind of message from anybody. The weeks had passed and you tried your hardest to busy yourself with floor plans for weeks and working with contractors to get your other places set up, but even when busying yourself, your world was falling down. It was disheartening, but you couldn’t help but rethinking about the danger and terrible position you’d put them all in, so you were best to leave it alone until anyone felt ready to talk. You were constantly reminded online that 127 were off to Spain soon, then New York, so you knew everyone was more than busy, but you hoped that maybe you’d get a response before then.

You spent days in your head and after a long-going meeting about final calls, it was getting late, so you decided to head to the main restaurant location and hopefully get your mind off things. It wasn’t the most helpful, but you could only dream, assisting with food prep and listening carefully, catching up with the workers you hadn’t seen in a few days because you were so preoccupied with your own personal issues. You felt like you were letting them all down, but they assured you about how fine it all was. You’d done your job and adequately prepared them all for the journey, so you felt almost useless in the time being. For once you finally had everyone ready to deal without you being on location. It felt wrong. You still had a few store openings to work on, but your mind couldn’t focus in on that at the moment. You had been working at the cutting board for hours thinking, but were pulled from your thoughts in the mindless work.

“Everything okay? I got a call saying someone was here with their head in the cutting board again being awfully quiet.” You heard a familiar voice behind you, one that always made you feel a bit better. You turned around to see Irene with a bright smile, hands placed on her hips. You sighed of relief, smiling at her and dropping your knife on the table to walk over and hug her after tugging your gloves off to hug her. “What’s wrong sweet pea?” She offered, gently patting your back. “You’ve been out of it since your trip.” She was giggling and you felt yourself let go, tears rolling down your face as you tucked your head into her shoulder. She had been annoyed with you before, but she didn’t seem to be upset at all.

“It’s been a hard few weeks, ‘Rene.”

“I could tell, I could.” She consoled you, trying to bring you back down to earth before diving deeper into the real problem. “Just talk to me if you want to, okay? But I know when you willingly cut vegetables in here at night that you’ve got something going on.” You nodded, drying your face on her shirt. You stayed in her embrace for a while before pulling away.

“Your shoulder’s a little wet.” You laughed, wiping your eyes again with your sleeves.

“I’ve been used to that for years.” Irene teased, leaning against the counter and her voice was sincere. She cared about you more than you thought someone should. “Now tell me what’s actually going on.” And that’s when the dam broke.

-

“So that’s what you’ve been up to?” Irene was looking at the table in the empty restaurant and trying to process all the information she just got, eyes somewhere between disbelief and concern. You’d gone off on a tangent and confessed everything to her right there. In your heart you know you shouldn’t bring yet another person into the equation, but you had to go somewhere to get a decent opinion and Irene was the most level-headed person you knew. She was technically responsible for you after all, that’s what you paid her for, and she absolutely deserved a raise at that point. You’d make a mental note of that.

“Yeah.” You nodded, carding your fingers through your hair. “It’s pretty fucked up, isn’t it?” You scoffed, in disbelief that you’d gotten yourself into the situation at hand. You hated that you did that to anyone including yourself.

“I don’t think so.” Irene shook her head, sighing. “I understand why you did it, I really do, but I also see it from his perspective, maybe he just needs some space, you know?” Irene was always right, stirring her coffee and taking a sip. “Who knows, maybe it could all blow over if you really like each other, yeah?” She offered a sweet smile, hoping to get your hopes back up. You nodded in response. “If they’re coming here soon, why not go ahead and try to talk to him? You’ve got a conference in Jersey in a few weeks I could probably move up, and they’re pretty close, so maybe you could get a little leverage?” She shrugged, leaning back in the booth seat.

“Oh my god, shit. I completely forgot about that conference.” You sighed, groaning softly. “You think that’s a good idea? Just show up?”

“It’s the Macy’s Day Parade, it’s not like it’s some private event.” Irene snorted, shrugging. “Let me talk to the investors, I can try to see if they’ll move up to that weekend. I mean, come on, I can go with you.”

“You’d go with me?”

“You’re literally paying me to take care of you.” She snorted again, reminding you yet again that she was the greatest investment you’d made thus far. “Of course, I’ll go with you. Everyone here is fully capable of taking care of the place. You’re not stupid, you did a good job at hiring.” You rolled your eyes, smiling at her aggressive complimenting. “You’ve done your job which is why you find it hard to find something to do when you just show up here.” She snorted gain. “Which is also why your busy work consists of cutting vegetables when you’re upset.”

“I guess I should be less competent then, yeah?” You joked, seeing Irene roll her eyes playfully.

“That’s the opposite of what I’m saying, you workaholic.” She tapped the top of your hand playfully mimicking a smack. “Sometimes it’s good to let other people work for you, so you can go ahead and easily fuck around with people like Mark Lee.” She raised a brow, shaking her head. It was the first time she’d understood the depth of why you weren’t talking to her about what was happening. “Trust me, it’ll all be fine, promise.”

You were finally laughing; glad you had some outlet to let go of what you’ve been holding onto. You felt like you should have gone to her in the first place. Irene was honestly a lifesaver and you thanked her day in and day out for that amongst everything else she’s done for you. “So, I guess you’re going to see them with me?” You smiled awkwardly, knowing partially that it was a bad idea, but making a work trip wasn’t entirely a horrible excuse. Irene couldn’t care less about seeing the boys, she was in it for you to begin with and you were sure that’s how it would remain.

“I’m going for you and the Macy’s Day Parade, don’t get it twisted.” She teased, grinning wide. “I’m an emotional support assistant, not your love life therapist.”

“That’s fair.”

“At least you have a love life now, I’ve been waiting on you to get distracted since the first store opened. You deserved a little break and I don’t want one little hiccup to ruin that for you.” She was right and you knew it. “Now let’s go home and get some rest, alright?”

“But the vegetables!” You sighed, remembering that you’d started a job you wanted to finish. Irene groaned.

“Okay, fine. Let’s go finish the vegetables and you’re going home and drinking a glass of wine and going to sleep right after, okay?”

“Yes, mom.” You snorted, standing up and wiping the table clean before returning to the back, Irene gladly following to assist and make sure you weren’t there until ungodly hours of the night. It was already late, and she knew how you were, so she’d keep an eye on you to make sure you were in good standing and you appreciated it more than you could express. Everyone else had gone home after closing and you only had yourself to worry about.

“So, I got your conference moved up.” Irene offered after a few moments of silence. You hadn’t even seen her send an email. “You can thank me later.” She shrugged. “We’re flying out in two days, so be prepared.” You shook your head, smiling. You’d been prepared for the meeting for months now, filling every hole with explanation and you were more than ready to present, but seeing Mark again made it even more worthwhile.

“God, I love you.” You reminded Irene once again.

“Hm, I know.” She was confident, as she should be.

You got home and did exactly what she told you to do, got a glass of wine, showered, and got into your comfortable clothes to get a decent night’s rest. You were due at the restaurant in the morning to go over some new procedures, so your rest was important and thankfully, you slept like a baby.

You woke up to a missed call and a few texts, groaning at the full notification screen but decided to ignore it until you were coherent enough and had some water and coffee in your system for the day; it could wait. You forgot you had even been waiting on responses from anyone, you weren’t awake enough for that and you had work to tend to.

When you were finally at work, waiting for everyone to show up, you quickly read through your phone and glanced at the messages, one from Mark.

I’m ready to talk, call me when you can.

You also had a missed call and a text from Taeyong. It had been what? A few weeks or so since you texted him? You forgot you had even texted him, getting back into the swing of work had really distracted you from the passing days and you almost forgot what you sent him but were quickly reminded with a heavy beating heart and a deep breath as you looked the messages over.

Hey, I’m so sorry I’ve been so busy, is everything okay? I should have responded by now but I just got so distracted and didn’t know what to say 🥺 I know things went down with you and Mark and I hope you’re okay, I’m here if you need me, I promise. We just got finished up in Spain and we’re about to fly out so if I don’t answer then just hold on!!

Taeyong was always so sweet, making your heart pound heavily and hoping he wasn’t too stressed about the situation, he was always on edge with stress and from what you gathered he had the most overlapping schedules and you hated to add more to it. Taeyong didn’t want to go behind Mark’s back and talk to you about the situation until he had the time to say anything himself, so he went with his gut feeling for not responding immediately but when he was going through his messages after the awards show, he was hit with guilt for not talking back to you and he was sure you were freaking out across the world. He hoped his message would find you well.

You quickly typed up a text to Taeyong

Hey!! Don’t worry about it, I felt bad for dragging you into it anyway. Mark wants to talk to me, and I was just nervous, I didn’t know if you were near him or knew what was going on, but thank you for caring so much, I appreciate it and I hope your flight goes well!💛

Then it was time to text Mark back. It took a minute to draft up the perfect message, but you just said what felt right in the moment.

Hey, I’m really busy with work today, but you can call me when you’re ready and I’ll answer, okay? Take care of yourself and work, that’s what’s important

You thought your message was the right amount of distance, taking a deep breath after responding. You didn’t want to seem to eager and you definitely didn’t want to mention that you were going to see them, it could mess things up, but you also hadn’t factored in him wanting to talk as soon as he was heading back to the states.

Mark didn’t call you back. Taeyong didn’t text. You knew they still had to be on the plane and talking was rare when it came to flights, so you’d focus in on continued prepping for your meeting and getting everyone in the restaurant in check, including your newest manager. It pained you to think about what your job had gone through and your neglect had caused problems, so you were still nervous to take the trip, but you had to believe Irene when she told you that it was going to be fine.

You finished up your meeting and busied yourself with casual preparation as the day went on, getting nagged by Irene on the fact that you didn’t have to do this or that for every little task you put yourself on and you had perfectly capable workers to do it, but you honestly liked helping out and everyone there seemed to enjoy having you around. You loved creating a fun work environment and you kind of missed being a part of the kitchen staff. You sighed after a long day, sitting in your office to relax for a bit. Irene sauntered into the office after finishing up her own paperwork to smile at you.

“So,” She giggled, sitting on your desk. “You ready to go talk to your guy?” She teased.

“Maybe, yeah.” You nodded, grinning. You sighed again, shrugging. You hadn’t heard from anyone yet, but you were being patient. “Does he know you’re coming yet?”

“Nope, I guess I’ll tell him when we’re there.”

Irene snorted. “Of course, I figured you were going to say that.” And as soon as she spoke, you saw your phone vibrating on the desk. You gasped, looking over at Irene, who sent you a knowing look.

“Is that your guy?”

You swallowed, nodding. “Yeah, it is. Um, I-I’m nervous.” You sighed, picking it up and hesitating to answer. Irene quickly reached over to press the green button and grinned widely at you before mouthing a ‘good luck’ at you and then slipping out of the room, back behind her own office door.

You gulped. “H-hello?”

You heard a soft sigh on the phone, accompanied by some scattered voices in the background. “Hey!” Mark exclaimed. “We-we um, just touched down, we’re going through customs now.” He explained, his voice seemed a bit paced over the speaker, you hoped he was okay.

“How was the flight?” You asked quickly, trying to shift the subject to his importance. You hadn’t heard his voice since the big talk, but you’d try not to focus on how nice it was to hear him again.

“It was fine, yeah.” He spoke softer, voice calming down. “How are you?” He asked.

“I’m-I’m okay.” You answered honestly, but you couldn’t help the blush on your face or the heavy beating of your heart. “It’s been a long-ish day.”

“Yeah, same here.” He cleared his throat. He was quiet for a moment, so you assumed he was thinking on what to say. “So, um, I just wanted to apologize.” You were silent, shocked that he was the one apologizing. “I didn’t mean to get so angry with you.” He was speaking quieter, continuing to ramble on because you couldn’t quite find the words to say back. “I was just upset and didn’t know what to do.” You had to admit that you hated doing that kind of thing over the phone, texting was easier and in person was more personal, but if it was the way Mark wanted to have the conversation, you were fine with it.

“No, no trust me, you had every right to feel that way, I know how you-“ He cut you off.

“But listen, that’s not why I called.” Mark sighed again. “I wanted to see if you, um, had the possible time to meet up maybe, so I could get some clarity on how I feel or something. I’ve just been really stressed and, yeah.” He was quieter and you couldn’t stop the smile that spread along your face. “Sorry I haven’t messaged you..”

The last part didn’t really flow through your mind. You almost stopped listening after he said he wanted to meet with you. “Like, in New York?”

“Yeah, yeah, um, I know it’s last minute, but maybe we can meet somewhere before I fly out again, you know?” You sighed again, remembering that he still had other responsibilities, but he was still wanting to meet up. “I just think it could help, you know, whatever this is.” He sounded nervous, but confident in what he needed at the same time. It was a tone you weren’t used to. He knew exactly what he wanted for the first time since you met and that felt good. At least he was sure about it. You understood you hadn’t been together long, but you still cared about him and how he felt about it all, you just wanted him to be happy.

“We may be able to arrange something.” You hinted, smiling. “You’re there for two days?”

“Well, yeah. We sleep tonight and we’re here the next two nights, so I’ll be here.”

It was fortunate that you could easily get tickets had you not bought them beforehand. Maybe the relationship would be able to work out if the two of you stayed looping each other in, it wouldn’t be so hard.

“I’ll let you know, okay?” You sighed happily into the phone.

“Okay, cool, cool.” He laughed softly over the speaker. “I’ll, um, hopefully see you, just let me know.”

“I will, promise.” It was the most basic conversation the two of you had, as if it didn’t involve you flying across the country to see him yet again. You were shocked at how calm he seemed, hopefully he was feeling better about the situation. You sighed of relief.

“Cool, yeah.” Mark cleared his throat again. “I-um, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.” You nodded, sighing and not yet wanting to hang up. It was nice to hear his voice again. You were whipped and you knew it. “Well, um,” You grinned. “Bye, bye.” His giggle over the phone was cute.

“Bye.”

It wasn’t long before you got a text from Taeyong.

It sounds like you guys are going to work it out? 😃

You grinned at the message.

Yeah, I think so 🤞

-

“So, ready to go?” You heard a voice through your apartment, gasping loudly and not at all awake enough to function and hear someone in your house. It was late in the night and you had just woken up from a nap, you booked a 2am flight so you could easily make it for the morning, but you had a feeling you wouldn’t sleep at all on the plane because it was nearly midnight and you had taken a really good nap.

“Jesus, I really should take your house key away.” You groaned from your bedroom, popping your head out to see Irene at the front door, fully dressed and ready to go.

“And stop me from scaring you? I haven’t hardly seen you in weeks, so you have to deal with me for the next few days.” She laughed, walking into your kitchen to grab a glass of water. “God, your house is so clean, who are you?” She laughed, knowing that you’d definitely been keeping it straight for Mark and to busy your head. She knew you all too well.

“Okay, I didn’t sign up to be roasted, let me live.” You snorted, zipping up your suitcase and turning it to the wheels to get ready to leave. You pulled on your oversized coat and stepped into your boots, trying to prepare for the cold weather as you walked your bags down the stairs.

“Oh, okay someone’s looking nice.” She teased further, taking a sip from the glass. “It’s good to see you pulling yourself together, I ought to thank Mark myself.” You rolled your eyes at her, putting your bags at the door before putting your sunglasses on top of your head. “Ready?” You might’ve been dressed up to easily be ready for tomorrow and early check in at the hotel, so you didn’t have to worry about what you’d see Mark in. You needed to be dressed your very best for the situation.

“Ready!” You nodded, smiling at your friend.

You hadn’t talked to Mark much because he was clearly avoiding the full conversation you needed to settle and while you were anxious about it, you didn’t mind avoiding the conflict. You’d talked more to Taeyong, mostly about scheduling and he seemed rather excited to see you, much to your own surprise.. You definitely avoided the groupchats. You were trying your best to distance yourself, give Mark some space to decide what was going to happen between you two. You were an adult; you could handle that.

The flight was shorter than you thought it would be, spending most of your time emailing and scripting for the conference while Irene slept. She had taken an Ambien and absolutely hated plane rides, which shocked you because she was more often than not willing to go somewhere with you. When you finally landed, your adrenaline was high, and you were more than excited to walk around the city and explore. You’d never really spent much time in New York before and Jersey was only a short ride for the conference on Saturday. You were more excited to visit there than you thought you would be, and you hadn’t exactly told Mark you were officially coming yet, you’d leave the surprise up to him. You were there for business with the hope of excitement, so you were sure you couldn’t be too let down.

Thursday night was the official performance and thankfully you landed early enough to make it for the parade, excitedly checking Twitter eagerly to find out what parade float 127 was on. Thankfully your hotel was near the parade route, so you quickly headed out to see where everyone had been lining up. You easily found a good spot near the end of the parade, excitedly waiting to see the boys you’d been waiting to see. You still hadn’t met anyone in the 127 groupchat aside from Taeyong and Mark, so it was even more exciting to meet the other people you’d talked to in person.

You excitedly watched the parade because weirdly enough, you had always wanted to see it. You sighed happily, grinning wide with Irene at your side. She watched intently, noticing how excited you were, and even though you could tell she didn’t understand the hype, her being there with you meant the world. The whole parade was amazing, bright exciting colors all around and you felt like you were in heaven, bright skies felt like the whole world had meaning again and maybe it was just because you were tired, but things felt right. You sighed happily, glancing around the corner to finally see the gigantic Lego float and you gasped loudly.

“Irene! It’s them!” She whipped her head around, enjoying seeing you so happy so she was going to give into your excitements.

“And which one is Mark?” She snorted, grinning when you started jumping around excitedly, screams filling the people around you.

“The little one with the black hair!” You beamed, waving and hoping they saw you. You giggled excitedly, whipping out your phone to snap a picture of them to send to the 127 chat.

You guys look amazing!! congrats! I got a good view of the float and you all look so happy 🥰

You sent the message quickly, stuffing your phone back into your pocket before Irene spoke to you, checking out the float herself in the time being. You didn’t expect the next words to fall out of her mouth. “The tall one with the black hair is actually kind of hot.” She snorted, nodding with pursed lips. “Not bad.” Your eyes widened with slight shock, but you couldn’t exactly blame her for the comment.

“Yeah, that’s Johnny!” You giggled again, waving excitedly. Unfortunately, none of them looked in your direction, but you didn’t mind. You didn’t warn them beforehand so that they could look for you and you hoped you’d meet up with Mark and maybe the others later. Just seeing them made you feel better and the butterflies returned to your stomach at the thought that you were so close to the members you hadn’t seen before. You shook the thoughts away and tried to remember that some of them were your friends. You leaned into Irene’s ear to explain quickly to her. “Okay so Yuta is the one with long dark hair, Taeyong is the grey hair, Jaehyun is the-“

“I’m literally getting none of this.” Irene giggled, patting your back. You laughed in response, shaking your head and realized the explanation was hopeless. “Maybe we’ll meet with them later and it’ll all come to me.” She teased you further, shrugging and a buzz of excitement ran through you. Maybe you’d actually get to meet and see them all, your boyfriend’s friends and long-time idols, you could only hope. You wished more than anything you weren’t so excited to see them all in front of you because of who they were and that’s what got you into the mess with Mark, but you had to remind yourself that they were people and you didn’t know what of the situation they knew. Maybe it was best that they weren’t in the equation.

“Yeah, yeah I hope so.” You nodded, sighing happily as the float went further away from you.

You walked around after the parade ended, excited to see all the other sights and floats. It was a beautiful parade you had to admit, unable to stop the grin on your face. You loved the sight of New York, happy to possibly have a restaurant open near there that you could visit often. Even on your off moments, you liked thinking about new work opportunities because it would better help you plan your future. It felt like things were finally falling into place and you were excited about that. You hadn’t checked your phone in a while, so you pulled it out and gasped at the excited responses in the groupchat.

You’re here!! I didn’t think you’d come!! We should all go to dinner or something! Mark’s paying

Nevermind every man for himself Mark punched me

From Johnny. He always managed to make you laugh.

Oh gosh are we finally going to get to meet you?!

From Jaehyun

Glad you could make it ☺️

From Taeyong, who knew better than anybody that you’d probably show up. Taeyong could tell your potential and whimsical decision making from the second you became friends. Maybe it was for the better that you two were getting close.

And finally, from Yuta, a self-proclaimed self-enthusiast.

wow I really was living my best life huh? Look at my face😂😂 Hope you enjoyed the parade!

You definitely did enjoy the parade and were more than happy to see them as excited as you were. The boys seemed like children who were in a candy store on the float, so you knew they were having the times of their lives and loved being there. You hadn’t seen them so happy in a while and they all definitely didn’t look that excited in Spain except for when they were with Lizzo, so it was a good time for everyone. You loved seeing them so happy. You hadn’t received a text from Mark in the groupchat, but you missed a text in your personal ones, heart racing when you saw his name.

You came? Why didn’t you tell me! Did you want to meet up tonight?

You gulped, biting your lip and showing the text to Irene. “I want nothing to do with your love life.” She snorted, shaking her head and turning her attention to the street food she’d just gotten. It was a mess on a plate, but she seemed to thoroughly be enjoying it. “But go ahead, you’ve still got a whole day to screw around before we go to Jersey, nothing’s off limits.” She shrugged. “But I will be in the hotel sleeping in a few hours after the performance because I’m exhausted, so don’t get killed.” She teased further, smiling over at you with a mouth full of food.

“You think I should meet up with him?” You asked nervously, biting your lip and wondering how to respond to his text. He still had the performance that night, so you knew it would be late when you’d meet with him.

“I don’t see why not.” She shrugged, offering you a bite which you politely declined. You quickly typed up a text.

Well I actually ended up getting an investment meeting and I didn’t want to jinx anything, so yeah, I’m here if you wanna go for coffee tonight or something?

You didn’t want to seem too excited, but your brain was buzzing, too hopeful for meeting with the boy who had your heart wrapped around his finger. Mark quickly responded.

I’d like that, yeah!

We have the performance later and we’re about to start getting ready for it, so I’ll text you when I’m free?💚

You sighed happily, things were looking up. He seemed just as excited to meet up with you as well. It was a few weeks since you got into your argument and not long before that was the last time you’d seen him, so you feared slightly that things would still be awkward or messy, but you didn’t want to focus on that and thought that things might actually be okay. The fear still sat in the back of your mind, but you’d try your hardest to ignore it. Thankfully you were able to go drop by the hotel after walking around for a bit, maybe you did need just a little bit of a rest before the performance.

You got to the hotel and got settled in, changing your clothes to be a little warmer and layered and of course not at all to look nice for Mark. You checked yourself out in the mirror, grinning at the outfit you decided on. “How do I look?” You asked Irene, who was already chugging down a glass of wine from the minibar at the hotel.

“Looking good, yeah. Someone to impress?” She was teasing yet again, giggling and pouring herself another glass of wine.

“Shut up.” You laughed, grinning and pulling your coat on. “Are you coming to the performance with me?” you asked with a giggle.

“I’m pregaming for a reason aren’t I?” She cocked a brow, shrugging. You rolled your eyes. Irene didn’t drink much, but she had made sacrifices for you so you didn’t mind her drinking on the job.

“You’re always pregaming.” You snorted, slipping your feet into a nice pair of shoes. “Are you warm enough?”

“After this wine hits, I will be.” Irene grinned, walking over to grab her coat. She looked flawless as always and it made you sick, wearing a black turtleneck and khaki pants. She fixed her lipstick quickly in the mirror and pulled her coat on to easily go out. “Now let’s go get your boy back.” You groaned, cheeks heating up and grabbing your phone to make your way out of the door.

The concert stage was packed, as you expected, but shockingly to your surprise, when you got there, security walked the two of you to the front, not asking any further questions. It left you to assume that one of the boys had hooked the two of you up. You’d shown Irene to Mark and the others through various selfies, so you weren’t going to bite the hand that fed you just to get a better look at the boys on stage.

The performance went perfectly, grinning and watching them put on their best performance. You sighed happily, loving the feel in the air. The wind was chilly, but you were fully willing to endure it just for them. You caught all the boys from the 127 chat you were in glancing at you at least once and it made your heart race, but you were in perfect view and you were sure they were looking for you in the first place. That was even more exciting. The crowd dissipated after the small performance, leaving you and Irene to walk around aimlessly while you waited on Mark. Irene was getting a little grumpy, assuming the wine drunkeness had worn off and factoring in that you had flown through the night. “I’m ready to sleep my ass off.” She warned, groaning at the cold.

“You can go ahead to the hotel if you want.” You warned her, making sure she knew you could fend for yourself.

“And leave you here in the middle of New York?” Irene snorted. “You sign my paychecks so I’m definitely going to make sure you’re safe so that I get paid.” She was further teasing. She had a funny way of letting you know she cared about you. You walked around for about an hour and Irene happened upon a spiked hot chocolate from a street cart before you got a text from Mark

Where did you want to meet up? There’s a little coffee shop a couple blocks from our hotel that’s open late if you wanna go there?

the streets should be pretty clear by then because it’s dead cold out ya know🥴

You grinned ridiculously wide, quickly telling Irene what you’d been sent. “We’re gonna go meet at a coffee shop, you wanna walk me there?”

“Absolutely not, but I definitely will.” Irene laughed, tucking her phone and keys into her pocket along with her hands. “Let’s go.” You got the location from Mark, beginning to make your way there because you weren’t too far from it. You both ended up getting a taxi after two blocks at your expense to make up for Irene being in the cold for so long. You didn’t want to make her walk, but the ride wasn’t far, and you happily did it for her comfort after hearing her shiver and complain. You got to the location and you were surprised to see how empty it was, the two of you getting out and standing at the corner. You quickly pulled out a cigarette from your pocket and lit it up, earning a groan from Irene. She hated it, but she knew that wasn’t going to stop you.

You were shaking from nerves, but you were excited to see where the interaction was going to lead you. You and Irene were talking about some work developments when you heard a loud “Hellooooo” from behind you. You turned around, gasping when you saw Mark and Johnny both in masks and hats. You quickly took a drag of your half smoked cigarette and tossed it on the ground when you saw Mark eye it.

You had to admit you were a bit starstruck to see Johnny. He was huge, massive even and you glanced at Irene to see a cocked eyebrow on her face, clearly checking out the tall boy. You pulled yourself from your distraction, grinning at Mark who had his hands stuffed into his pockets.

“Hey.” Mark started, his eyes showing his smile above the mask. You got closer, the two of you embracing like your lives depended on it. You sighed softly, almost feeling tears well in your eyes as you held him tighter, never wanting to let go. His arms were around your waist, gently thumbing over your back through your coat. “it’s good to see you.” His voice was barely above a whisper, right by your ear. “You smell like cigarettes.” He giggled into your neck.

“Shut up, I’m sorry.” You laughed. “It’s good to see you too.” You spoke quietly, still in his embrace and you somehow pulled him tighter, eyes closing and it felt like an eternity. “Um, this is Irene.” You your head toward her and felt Mark lift his hand from your waist to give her a wave.

“You must be Mark.” She stated, shrugging her shoulders. “Heard a lot about you in the last two days.” Mark didn’t seem to mind or catch on that you’d told someone else about him, just thankful that you were with him.

“Um, so, I’m Johnny.” You heard loudly behind you, a laugh being pulled from both you and Mark as you let go of each other. Johnny was introducing himself to Irene, shaking her hand and the grin on her face looked unbelievably pleased. You shook your head, giggling at her before turning to Johnny yourself. He opened his arms wide to hug you, quickly running to his embrace. It was only a quick hug, him patting your back in a friendly manner before pulling away. “Nice to finally meet you!” He exclaimed; grin wide on his face under his mask as well. You turned back to Mark, who quickly grabbed your hand to tangle his fingers with yours.

“Johnny’s a hugger.” He warned with a small laugh. “He’s been practicing all day how to greet you.” Mark said with a hint of sarcasm and you saw Johnny’s face contort to glare at him.

“And Mark exaggerates everything.” Johnny came back confidently.

“So, we should go.” Irene shot her attention to Johnny, seeing him shrug with a nod at her statement before turning back to you. “Leave you two be, yeah?”

“I’m game.” Johnny agreed quickly with a shrug. You were a bit stunned to see Irene being so forward. “Did you need a ride to your hotel? I’ve got an Uber on the way and I’d hate for you to walk alone.” You were also stunned that Johnny was seeming to take to Irene that quickly from what you knew about him. You didn’t miss the flirtatious energy he had with the charm in his tone.

“We’ll see you two later.” Irene nodded, following behind Johnny. You had a weird feeling that the two of them would end up more than just going home even though Irene claimed to be so tired, but it wasn’t your business and they were adults, so you would leave it alone and let them do whatever they set out to do.

You heard Mark clear his throat. “So, uh.” You heard him laugh softly. “You wanna go inside or freeze to death?” He teased.

“I’d like to not freeze to death, please.” You both grinned, hand in hand as you both walked inside. You saw Mark look around, making sure that nobody in there was paying any attention to him. He had to make sure he was in extremely good standing when it came to being out in public in such a big city, especially this soon after a concert. He looked relieved, pulling you to a dimly lit corner of the shop. You both sat down with a sigh, seeing a much older waiter come to the table to greet the two of you. You both glanced over your menus and the silence was comforting. You both put in your orders before Mark slid his mask below his face after feeling comfortable enough. He looked so beautiful without makeup on like that, so relaxed, the soft shadow of his facial hair made your face warm.

“So, you finally got to meet Johnny.” He teased, seeing you roll your eyes and grinning wider at him. “How was that?”

“Yeah, it was great, we’re best friends now.” You joked, hearing Mark let out a hearty laugh. “I’ve heard ten words and he’s the greatest.” You both snorted.

“Good to know, good to know yeah.” He was giggling more, and you felt like your heart could burst. “So, um, how is everything?” he asked shyly, his hands placed gently in his lap.

“Well,” You shrugged. “Things are okay,” You cleared your throat again. “A lot is going on with work and I’m about to open a new store hopefully next year here if the meeting tomorrow goes well.”

“Ah, yeah, yeah, the meeting!” Mark nodded. “So, you came here for that?” He was asking with intent and it felt nice for him to be interested in you again like that again. It felt comfortable. “I was actually really shocked when you sent that picture, I couldn’t believe it and when I saw you in the audience I got really excited. I almost thought you were fucking with me and grabbed a picture off the internet or something.” He was blushing, a wide toothy grin on his face. “Johnny apparently told the security to let you and anyone you were with to the front, not my doing.” He snorted with a shrug.

“Ah, so Johnny is the master relationship specialist now isn’t he?” Mark couldn’t stifle his laugh when he took a sip of his coffee.

“Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that.” He snorted again, grinning. “He’s like the number one pusher when someone says they’re going to date so, it’s like, his thing.” He admitted with a shrug. “When I first told him about you his first reaction was like ‘An American? You have to do it, it’s the law if you’re my friend’ and got way too excited. He’s always trying to hook anyone up but never really finds someone for himself.” You thought back to him and Irene’s reaction to each other and stifled a snort.

“I mean, he’s taking my assistant home.”

“Yeah, I kinda caught that.” He was laughing again. It was nice to see him happy here, he always seemed excited when he was in the states anyway, so you were glad he enjoyed spending time with you too.

“Don’t worry, she’s the best.” You warned. “He’s in safe hands. She keeps me every day from making horrible life decisions.” Mark looked a bit confused at that but waived it off. “Some of them at least.”

“Well, that’s good yeah.” He cleared his throat, calling for the check. “So, you wanna get out of here?” His voice was slightly low, and you didn’t know what was up, but at that point you were willing to do anything for Mark. You’d only been there for a short time and only ordered coffee, so you were both fine with leaving so soon.

“Sure, let’s go.” You nodded, groaning a bit when Mark handed his credit card to the waiter to pay for the both of you. You learned quickly that it was just how he rolled, it didn’t matter if you could easily pay for yourself or not, he was definitely a sweetheart and liked treating you. The two of you strolled out back onto the sidewalk after he put his mask back on.

Mark was walking closely with you, not holding your hand or arm because he was still afraid of being caught in public and getting his reputation ruined. You’d both been so lucky to not get caught especially since the two of you were always in bigger cities where a disaster could easily strike. The small chatter of the light conversation had you feeling like things were definitely going to be okay and Mark seemed pleased, talking to you about the weather and how he thought he’d get sick soon if he kept having to change climates. You wished him the best and recommended vitamins that he just brushed off with a laugh. “Yeah, I’m hearing you I just know I’m not going to do it.” You both were giggling at that point and you both didn’t even know where you were going, just aimlessly walking along the street, coming on a dimly lit part of town. You both sighed, glancing at each other with soft grins. Nobody was in sight and he just looked so perfect. You stopped in your tracks which caused him to pause in place. “What’s up?” He asked, eyes full of wonder.

“Nothing.” You shrugged, sighing. You scooted closer, seeing Mark’s Adams apple bob in his throat. You reached up and gently pulled his mask down, biting your lip before leaning in and pressed your lips to his tenderly, your bottom lip slipping between his soft ones. For a moment, you forgot about your problems. A low noise left his throat and he eagerly kissed you back, his hands fumbling to come out of his pockets to reach one up and place it on the side of your face, pulling you in closer as his breath dusted your skin. His breathing was hitching, his other hand gently tangling in your hair and his lips got more aggressive, sweet noises being pulled from him. You were the first to break, eyes fluttering back open and glancing at him before he kissed you again, this time much more pressure and neediness before breaking off quickly.

“Your hotel or mine?” He spoke breathlessly.

“Find out where Johnny and Irene are.” You grinned, pecking him once more and he quickly whipped out his phone. You didn’t miss the bright blush on his face before he pulled his mask back up as he texted his friend. There was almost no time before Johnny responded back that he and Irene went ahead to a karaoke bar to meet up with Jungwoo and Jaehyun. You had no idea how or when everything had gotten so crazy, but all you heard out of that was that your hotel room was empty, and you wanted Mark as soon as possible. “My place is open, then.” You grabbed his arm and pulled up your directions, quickly calling for an Uber to bring you because somehow the two of you had ended up extremely far away in the cold and gotten caught up in the conversations.

When you both stepped into the Uber, Mark’s hands were on your thighs and you had to bite back the urge to have him right then and there because not only would it be uncomfortable, it was rude, and you liked your private time with Mark. You placed your hand on top of his and you saw the grin reach his eyes as he stared out of the window, sitting much too close to you in an empty back seat. The minute you pulled up at the hotel, Mark groaned and let out a quick, “Thank god.” You laughed in response, tugging him by the hand into the building and easily making your way into the elevator. The second you were inside with the doors closed, Mark couldn’t keep his hands off of you, harshly kissing your lips in the empty elevator with both hands on your face and your back pressed flush against the wall.

Mark wasn’t ever so needy, and you definitely didn’t mind. You detached and pulled him immediately to the hotel door, giggles pulling from his lips as you made your way inside, the two of you tossing your coats on the floor and went straight back to making out. His tongue easily found entrance to your mouth, moaning at the heat of the moment. It felt so good to kiss Mark, both letting out heavy breaths and as he pushed himself closer to you, you could feel his arousal pressed against your hip, the heat in your core throbbing. This was the least talkative you’d both been in the bedroom, but words didn’t seem necessary. You backed him over to the bed, laying him down and you loved how flushed he looked, like he was all yours as you sat in his lap, barely hovering his small frame. Mark groaned, hands finding your hips and you reached down to him, tossing his hat and mask off the bed.

“Damn, I could get used to this.” He giggled again with a dopey smile and his disheveled hair spoke volumes. You rolled your eyes, smiling before kissing him hard again, his hands reaching down to gently grope your ass, soft hands kneading over your bottoms and you couldn’t help but to giggle into his mouth. It was suddenly very warm in the room, much too warm for all the layers you both had on and you pulled away from him, panting and out of breath. Mark looked so beautiful and flushed that you could moan, sighing and pulling off the top layer of your shirt before working his off as well, leaving him in a white button up that was much too wrinkled. He looked so soft in white, you had to remind him of that later. You tossed your top away, the underlayer riding up and Mark slipped his hands up the fabric, groaning at the fact that you’d neglected to wear anything but shirts. His hand found your breast, kneading at the flesh as you gasped, grinding your hips down on his.

“Mark,” You sighed, eyes fluttering shut. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He groaned as you leaned closer, slipping his other hand under your shirt and toying with a nipple, the two of you much too flustered to make any other commentary. He lifted his knee up to lean you back down, kissing harshly again and your hands worked their way down Mark’s shirt buttons, feeling his muscles tense under you along with his breaths. His hips moved up to get any kind of friction and you loved how much he wanted it. You didn’t question him, easily opening his shirt before going to his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them slowly to tease him, his breathing got heavier with every move.

You moved your hips back a bit, settling more on his lap before slipping your hand into his boxers. He gasped at the coldness of your fingers, but he didn’t complain. Your hands were still cold from outside, but it seemed more like an exciting difference. Your fingertips danced along his length, feeling him bite at your lip sending you out of this world. “Want you, now.” He panted against your lips and you weren’t one to deny him. You quickly slipped back between his legs to tug your pants off as you let his arms fall back to his sides, but Mark couldn’t wait.

His hands were on you again, quickly tugging at the fabric and pulling them off of your legs with a fire in him you hadn’t seen before. He tossed them on the floor before hovering over you again. He tugged your underwear to the side and pulled his length out of his jeans. You sighed heavily as he pumped at himself a few times, eyes hooded. You caught his eyes, the two of your faces a complete mess. “Fuck,” You panted, earning a breathy laugh from him before pushing him back down on the bed to take slight control again. You sat with your clothed folds along his length, rubbing yourself with closed eyes and you felt him grasping at the bed sheets, panting at the feeling. “Condom?” You questioned, hearing him gulp and try to fish one out of his shirt pocket.

You giggled a bit at his anticipation, but you weren’t going to comment and embarrass him further. His face was already so red and spent when he handed the packet to you, a smirk playing on your face as you tore the foil open with your teeth. His hands were searching your body, slipping underneath you to lift your hips up. His fingers snuck under the fabric of your underwear and played in your arousal and you swear you heard him moan. You were a bit distracted as you fumbled with the rubber, his fingers dancing along your clit before slipping two inside, quickly quirking them forward toward himself and you hushed a moan, panting heavily as you tried to slip the condom on him, a mess of hands and sweat making you both see fog. You rocked down onto his fingers, wrapping your own around his length and jerking him off slowly, a sigh of relief leaving his lips.

His arousal was so evident with the redness of his cock and you were nearly dying to have it inside you. He slipped his fingers out of you when he couldn’t take it anymore, moving them to his own lips and you gasped when you saw him slip them inside of his mouth. You were quiet, just ready to have Mark again. You lifted your hips and watched him suck his fingers clean, lining him up with your entrance and the crotch of your underwear pushed to the side. The two of you hadn’t been so hasty or fumbling before, but it seemed oddly fitting.

You sunk down on him quickly, pulling a throaty groan from the boy underneath you, his head tipped back in ecstasy. You let out a noise of satisfaction, happy to finally have him inside again, enjoying it for a minute before he got eager, his hips moving himself inside of you just barely. “C-can’t take it anymore, need to feel you.” He panted out, his lips swollen and pouty as you grinned, rocking yourself down on him. You barely registered his warm hands on your sides again until he pulled you down, your clit grinding against his pelvic bone and you saw stars, whining a bit as you pushed your hips down against him again, the friction driving him wild and he was whining.

You didn’t expect those noises from him, but you couldn’t say you didn’t like it. He was panting more and more, and you were chasing your high, loving the way Mark filled you, sweet noises filling the hotel room and the wet sounds of skin on skin made your head spin. Mark’s breathing was heavier than you ever heard it before, and he was gasping. “Gonna-gonna come.” You were a little surprised, usually his stamina was good, but this time something was different. You heard him gasp loudly one last time, his eyes screwing shut and you felt him shake lightly underneath you. You stilled your hips, giggling at how out of it he was, and you let him ride it out, gently moving your hips until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Sit-sit on my face, please.” He pleaded with droopy eyes and you weren’t going to deny him.

You were hesitant at first, crawling over and hovering over his face, He pulled the crotch of your underwear and ripped slightly, then with full force tore the fabric open then all the way up and tossed it off to the floor, smirking below you and you gasped.

“Did you just-“

“Yep.” He cut you off with a grin, pulling you down by your thighs and pressed his tongue against you.

“Oh fuck.” You whined, feeling your knees get weak as he lapped at you, moaning as he sucked softly at your clit. You were lost for a bit, trying to bring yourself back down to earth when you heard your phone ring, gasping again when he slipped his tongue inside before pausing. He pulled away for just a moment.

“Answer it.” He smirked again before pulling you back down.

“It’s Johnny!” You whined, grinding down back onto his tongue. He shrugged underneath you and you hesitated, deciding to let it go to voicemail and Mark had the audacity to laugh. You quickly picked up your phone with shaky hands just to barely read a text message from the aforementioned person.

Since neither of you two are answering, I just wanted you to know I’m taking your friend back to our hotel, she’s tired and a bit plastered so I’m gonna let her crash there. Have fun you two 😂

It felt like a taunting message, waving it off and tossing your phone back somewhere else on the bed. You didn’t exactly care what Irene was doing at the moment, but she seemed safe with Johnny, so you ignored it. You sighed of relief when Mark nudged his nose against your clit, looking down to see his extremely hooded eyes and you could have burst right there. You moaned loudly, reaching down to gently grab his hair and the noise he made vibrated through you, his tongue flat against your clit and it threw you over the edge, pressing yourself hard into his face and the grip on your thighs tightened, his fingertips almost aching as they pressed into your skin. He continued to lazily lick through your high, pulling away to place soft kisses on your thighs when he figured you’d had enough, bright red blush still evident on his face. You glanced back to see he had discarded the condom and there was spurts of come glistening on his stomach, you flushed again, realizing he’d come from eating you out. Mark was going to be the death of you. You crawled off of his face, collapsing on the bed next to him, both of you panting.

“That was-“ He started.

“Yeah.” You both ended up laughing, Mark tossing his arm over his face in embarrassment. “I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard.” He let out a heavy breath.

“Please, say less.” You snorted, cuddling up to his side and realizing exactly how disgusting and intense the situation was, but you felt so satisfied it didn’t matter. You took an idea, smirking before reaching down to touch his stomach, dancing and teasing your fingertips in his come.

“D-don’t.” He groaned when you looked down to see his half-hard cock slightly twitch. “Give-give me a minute.” He pleaded. So you did, but it wasn’t going to be over just yet, you both knew that.

-

“The breakfast here is nice.” Mark was smiling shyly, sitting in the corner cafe with you. The place was relatively empty and you liked that Mark had to find places to easily hide from photographers, it gave you a bit more space from people in general, but the quietness of Mark was also a bit weird. He was smiling, but much more shy than before, but you assumed it was because of the situation you were in and he was a bit uncomfortable during the day anyway in a normal situation.

“Yeah, I love breakfast food.” You shrugged, taking a bite of your own food, enjoying the silence. You both were a bit sad because you were going to part ways that day, which seemed like another reason that Mark was being distant. You weren’t used to seeing him for only a minute and it felt weird to have only went on a date and slept with each other, so you sighed, seeing Mark pick at his food and eat in small bites. You frowned. “So, you guys heading out later?”

Mark nodded, shrugging before looking up at you. “Yeah, we’re headed back home after this, so.” He had a sad smile, looking up to catch your eyes. “I’m-um, sorry we didn’t get to hang out more.” He added shyly.

“No, no it’s fine, I’m just glad I got to see you.” Mark was smiling with his mouth full and it made you feel better. He was fidgety in his chair, probably from nerves.

“Yeah, I really am glad I got to see you too.” He nodded, sighing softly before taking a drink from his glass. “And Johnny and your friend seem to still be having a good time, they got breakfast this morning.” He snorted, wiping his mouth. “Everyone seems pretty happy.” He sighed again.

“You seem nervous.” You pointed out finally, settling your hands in your own lap.

“Yeah, I don’t really feel like leaving yet, it’s always a bummer when we go home.” You frowned, remembered how much happier he was in North America but it was interesting to hear him admit he didn’t want to go home at all. You felt bad that he had to leave, and you wished he could stay. Mark needed to be back at his hotel in an hour or so, so it was nice that he was spending his last bit of time with you. He said himself that he would’ve just been sitting in his room all night long probably, so the fun you guys had was at least worth it. “I hate coming here for like two days.” He frowned. You sighed and reached over the table to gently squeeze his hand. His smile was soft, but it was worth it. You both finished up your food and sheepishly made your way outside to head your way to his hotel.

When you pulled up, the taxi stopped at the corner and Mark looked at you with the softest eyes you’d ever seen. He sighed and squeezed your knee gently before wrapping your arms around you, hugging you tightly and relaxing into your neck. You both pulled away after a heartfelt embrace, frowning at the fact that you had to separate once again. “Text me?” You asked softly and got a warm nod before he pulled back to lean in for a kiss, his soft lips making your face feel hot. It was a tender kiss, one that longed for something more ,but you knew it was time. “I’ll see you later.” You got a grin back.

“Yeah, I’ll, um, see you soon, okay?” He giggled softly, opening the door and sighing as he stepped out, waving back at you as he made his way back into his hotel in the clothes he was still wearing the day before. You didn’t mind seeing him like that though, it reminded you that the two of you had your time together.

You saw Irene saunter out of the hotel, a grin plastered on her face and sunglasses covering her eyes. You shook your head in disbelief, snorting when she stumbled into the car, a cup of hotel coffee in her hands.

“So, it looks like your night was nice.” You teased, raising a brow at her.

“God, you don’t even know.” Irene was laughing. “My makeup is so messed up and yet I woke up to a gorgeous man making me hotel coffee in boxers and a white t-shirt and I still didn’t get his number.” She groaned, smile still painted on. “I literally never do anything like that, and I know you’re my boss but you have no room to judge me.” She shrugged again.

“Well, I’m not going to judge you, but I also have to mention that I do have that guy’s number.” You saw her mouth agape.

“Holy shit give it to me.” She was serious and you almost had to laugh. “He meant to last night, but we got, um, distracted.” She cleared her throat.

“Johnny right?” You giggled as you joked, scrolling through your contacts as the taxi made its way back to your hotel. “Yeah, it’s right here.” You showed your phone to her, seeing her excitedly type it into her own phone. “You’re not gonna like, text him right now are you?” You snorted, taking your phone back after she added it to her phone.

“Oh of course not, I’m going to wait it out and see if he asks you for mine, then I’ll have it for when he decides to hit me up.” She was always very forward, shrugging. It was actually extremely funny, but you wouldn’t push her forward. “But I also got hardly any sleep last night, so I want to take a nap before we head to Jersey.” You had actually forgotten that you were supposed to head out that night, but you figured it definitely was a good idea to go there tonight before the morning conference.

“Shit, I’ve still got to make prints.” You groaned.

“We’ll stop by a print shop on the way.” She was always thinking ahead, you were thankful, but you could definitely tell she needed some sleep and it wouldn’t hurt for you to get a nap in. You and Mark had practically been up all night anyway because of jet lag and other things, but you’d shut your mouth on that one. Irene was yawning, so you figured it was best to keep quiet.

You both took an equally satisfying nap, only a few hours passing by. Thankfully when you got up you were both easily ready to go, showering quickly and making your way out and wait for your Uber. You both decided it was the best and easiest way to get to Newark and it wasn’t at all long of a drive. Your mood was slightly down, still thinking about Mark and quickly realizing the two of you hadn’t actually talked about any of your issues. It left a sore spot in your heart and the rest of the ride felt a little weird. You stopped to make prints on the way and didn’t miss the stupid grin across Irene’s face.

“What’s up with you?” You asked, trying to ignore the feelings in your own chest.

“Johnny’s really cool.” She shrugged, sighing happily as she scrolled through her own phone. “I ended up texting him and he said thank god I got his number and you know I don’t normally do that.” She snorted. “Maybe we can both have some fun. How was Mark, dare I ask?”

You sighed heavily, a slight smile playing on your lips. “He was great, we, uh, didn’t talk really, so I’m kind of bummed, but I think it’ll be fine.” Irene frowned a bit, sighing.

“I mean maybe he got over it?” She offered help, but it didn’t really seem accurate. “Maybe he realized it doesn’t matter and you guys are going to be fine.” She nodded, giving you a wide smile before turning her attention back to her phone. “Johnny says they’re about to head out.” Her giggle made your eyes almost roll. You hadn’t heard from Mark at all, which made you worried, but you weren’t going to pry.

“Okay get this, he’s got a weird really bad tattoo on his ass that says I heart Chicago.” Irene was snorting and you felt your chest get tighter, trying your best to smile at her and act like it was all fine. “He’s really weird and I know it’s quick but I kinda like him, he’s cool.”

“I get it, I get it.” You snorted, almost trying to change the subject. You whipped out your phone to see no new messages. You sighed again. “So,they’re-“ You cleared your throat. “Theyre about to board?” You asked, biting your lip and knowing you shouldn’t ask questions.

“Yeah, John said he’s got on-flight wifi so we’re gonna play some dumb game tonight.” Irene reminded you, just making you even a little more upset. If Mark had on-flight wifi then why couldn’t he text you on the plane too? Or even before? Your head was swimming in thoughts and wondering what was going on, so you decided to send him a single text.

Fly safe!

He wouldn’t know that you meant it condescendingly, but you were just looking for a response at all. The only thing you really got from them at all was group messages, unfortunately from everyone but Mark. Even Jaehyun, who was the least active member of the groupchat, was being active, You didn’t understand why Mark wasn’t talking, but you began to feel like you were overthinking. You felt like banging your head against a wall, waiting for your prints to hurry up. The car was waiting outside and as soon as the last one printed, you tried to rush a laughing Irene out to it, but she wanted to review and invoice everything, so she was lagging. You needed some fresh air, standing outside. You lit up a cigarette, trying to relax. You were mad at yourself because you’d been really trying to lay off smoking, but when you weren’t around Mark and your anxiety was high, you needed it. You read over the messages you missed a couple times, they were mostly talking about how crazy America always was, but all you wished is that Mark’s name would pop up on your phone.

You were halfway down the cigarette when your phone buzzed, glancing down to see a simple, effortless text from Mark.

Thanks! I’ll let you know when we land

You felt like crying, but you needed to be strong. You never did get that text, still only getting responses in the groupchat and you knew Mark had to be fine because the rest of them were acting normal, but it pained you since he wasn’t very forward with his feelings. Taeyong hadn’t even messaged you so maybe Mark was fine, and that hurt more than anything. Maybe he was fine and perfectly content without you and you just had to hope that it was just your mind making that up.

The meeting went perfectly, thankfully. The city was clean and the two of you had a wonderful time walking around and discussing the proper real estate investments. You’d wanted to open a new location on the east coast for a while, but never took the steps to get it done and now the keys were almost literally in your hand. There was tons of work to do, but you knew you could get it done. Irene would be on campus there for the first 6 months after the building details were worked out and things seemed to be going well.

Except the fact that in your heart, nothing felt right. At the point when you got home, you still hadn’t heard from Mark or anyone else, but a gut feeling made you not want to ask. You were worried and only had small talk about Johnny with Irene and you hated the amount of jealousy you were feeling from not getting your own interest to talk to you. You were normally tough, you were normally the one to ghost people due to distractions, but you’d just seen Mark a few days ago and he was in your bed all night, so why hadn’t he messaged you aside from that one message? He was normally blowing up your phone prior to the entire incident with him finding out. Why wasn’t he worried about talking to you anymore? He seemed to really be getting along with you in the hotel room.

It made you sick to think about, how easily you two slept together after a big conversation and part of you felt a little used, slightly heartbroken and unresolved because it was so obvious that everything was falling apart, and you stayed hopeful when you shouldn’t have. You had a whole new store opening up and you should’ve been focused on work, but all you could think about was the fact that you were only getting one or two pathetic messages from him a day until they became days apart, only rarely getting a half-assed response from the group chats when he didn’t respond to you.

You missed Mark.

You felt sick. Things got harder, they did, and after about a month of suffering, you stopped responding all together, just hoping Mark would pick back up in talking to you on his own when the time got right, but you felt a bit hopeless and you were right. Mark was no longer making an effort and it had been about three weeks of smoking heavily and not talking to him at all. Your chest hurt when you saw him on your social media timelines. Your love for them felt so different and you almost felt sick each time you saw his smile. You heard about their new song coming out and you realized just how long it had been since you’d seen him. Time passed by so quickly and it was two days shy of two months and you tried not to cry, but you missed how things were and part of you knew this would happen, you just didn’t expect to take it so hard especially for so long.

You’d flown out east on location multiple times because due to how the meeting went, investors were pushing for opening sooner and you’d been successful at every single opening yet with immaculate concentration and precision. You felt nice to have the distraction of worrying about work, but each time you stepped into the crisp New York air, you were pelted with remembrance of your night with Mark and wondered what went wrong after you left him. Things looked perfect from the outside when you were there, but you wished you could’ve changed how it went. Maybe you did something wrong along the way that you weren’t picking up because Mark had been all over you and he was the one who pushed sleeping together, so you were left dumbfounded and trying to remember that the new location was important and you needed to ignore your feelings about the hurt in your heart from the last place you saw the person you called your boyfriend. You didn’t know where you stood anymore.

You hated that you got so wrapped up in the idea of Mark that you ended up ruining it all by fearing you’d ruin it. You were aching for him to call you, talk to you, anything because he still would be so close to you all year with promotions. Hell, you’d seen the SM Entertainment schedule for the whole year of 2020, and he’d be there in the states constantly especially with a new Neo City tour that stopped immediately in Los Angeles in June. Before you knew it, February had come up and you wished you could stop thinking about the fact that Mark would be in your state with SuperM in only a few days. You tried your hardest not to be hopeful, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You’d been staring at the StubHub app for 30 minutes now and SuperM tickets were going lower and lower by the day and they looked so pleasing, to maybe see him again and talk, maybe catch up, meet up, anything. You went over it a few times in your head and after a long day of work and a glass or so of wine, you made the horrible decision of buying tickets.

You swallowed after you pressed pay, leaning back in your bed and thinking about what you’d done, but it felt like the right choice. They were going to be there within the next two days and you had to chance it. Maybe you’d get your answer. You bought two tickets because the closest spot available only had two seats, so you sucked it up and decided to go for it. You didn’t even think about who could possibly accompany you until you gasped at realization. You opened your phone again to quickly call Irene, who was supposed to be at home by now.

She answered after the first ring.

“Hello sweetheart!” You hadn’t seen Irene much over the last couple weeks, the two of you busy with store arrangements and whatnot. She’d been interviewing for the new hires in Jersey as soon as the new year started, the two of you rarely crossing paths between flights, and she’d gotten back last week, so hearing her voice felt nice.

“Irene!” You had to take a breath.

“What’s the situation?” She snorted and you could hear her flipping through her keys in the background. “I’m just getting home so it better be good.” She was teasing, but you had to calm down before speaking to her properly.

“I just bought tickets to the SuperM San Diego show and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me.” You spoke much faster than anticipated but you heard a small pause over the speaker. “They’re performing there, and I want to see Mark but I think it was a bad choice because I’m freaking out. Help me, please.”

“I think I can do it.” She was giggling and you knew it was a good sign. “What day is it?”

“The 30th of January.” You groaned, realizing that it was only two days away and you’d have to travel there from Los Angeles, which wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t an extremely far ride either. You heard silence again before a sigh.

“You’re literally insane.” She snorted. “Yeah, I’m in.”

“God you’re a lifesaver.” You laughed, almost on the verge of tears. You wanted to see Mark, you had to. It felt like the only appropriate way to do it and your mind was still really fuzzy from missing him, but at least you had someone to indulge with you. She knew the two of you hadn’t spoken and the tension was touchy when you saw each other and tried to avoid bringing up the subject of your love life due to the unfortunate circumstances. Irene didn’t pry, she never did.

“Is Johnny going to be there?” She giggled softly and you tried your hardest not to roll your eyes.

Of course, Irene was lucky and had kept contact with him and you were at home for weeks moping about the one you were sure you had lost. You sighed. “No, he’s not in that group, ‘Rene.” You snorted a little, shaking your head. “But he’ll be here in June if you guys are still a thing.”

“Ugh, the things I do for you.” She sighed heavily, but you could tell it wasn’t serious. “Yeah, I’ll come, we leave Friday morning?”

“What about Thursday evening?” You bit your lip, hoping that maybe you’d get a chance to see them when they landed, maybe you’d get the gumption to text Mark and handle everything and you’d both be fine again. Realistically you knew that that was a low probability, but you had to try. Maybe Ten and Taemin could help you out again. They were the main ones who got you into that mess in the first place, maybe their presence would help. You were freaking out in your head and you didn’t even register that you were still on the phone until you heard your name getting yelled at you. “Uh, s-sorry I got distracted, what were you saying?”

“I said it’s fine but you’re booking the hotel.” She was laughing again. “You gonna actually hang out with Mark, not just sleep together? Are you gonna talk?” You groaned in response, not really wanting to tell her what you were up to, but you wanted to fill her in at least a little. You fibbed a tiny bit.

“We haven’t talked in a week, I thought I’d surprise him.” You bit your lip and hoped Irene was nice enough to understand.

“Perfect, it seems to be a habit of pulling up on him, yeah?”

“I guess so.” You sighed again. Maybe you should text him, maybe he was more relaxed since he was soon to be in the states and was going to go to his hometown soon. Maybe he’d be in a better spot to respond to you. You tried to reason in your head that the possible reason that you two didn’t talk much was specifically because he was out of the country again. You were trying to remain hopeful.

“Okay, well you seem distracted, so I’ll call you later?” You knew she was right; you couldn’t even hold a conversation.

“Okay, love you.” You sighed again, biting your lip and wondering what had brought you to the point in your life where you were showing up randomly to see a guy. You never thought you’d be in that position to like anyone so much before.

“Love you too! I’m gonna go home and pack. Get some rest tonight!” You definitely needed the rest. It had been a few weeks since you really got a decent night’s sleep, so you hoped her blessing meant something. You sighed and hung up, shaking your head to try and pull yourself back together. You opened your phone back up, scrolling through social media to steady your mind, which happened to end up the opposite when you found an update that very clearly stated that the members were in LAX that morning, literally miles away from your home and you blinked in shock. They were there already? You tried to steady your breathing. It was a sign, you needed to speak to Mark soon. You had no idea where he was or what he was doing at the moment, but being so close to you had to mean something.

[rxcusant]

NAME:  Sammi NICKNAME:  sam, .... thats it lmao FACECLAIM:  riku nanase aka my child my son my goodest boy PRONOUNS:  She/Her HEIGHT:  5′4′‘  BIRTHDAY:  sept 26th !! AESTHETIC:  uhhh darkness, claws, bows, black floral prints, and the ocean LAST  SONG  YOU  LISTENED  TO:  Loser Geek Whatever - Acoustic FAVORITE  MUSE (S)  YOU’VE  WRITTEN: Sora and Vanitas of course!! I love writing my OC’s a lot too but I find nobody really cares about them as much beyond my friends so fgkdjfh guess ill die  i also really like writing jeremy on my multi and anyone who follows me there knows that very well given how much i talk about him

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  ACCOUNT:

WHAT  INSPIRED  YOU  TO  TAKE  ON  THIS  MUSE:  like sora or soranort? cause funnily enough, i didnt rp sora first! Roxas was my first favorite and muse, then it was Riku, and then I picked up Sora for my friend who rped Riku and....... i just fell in love kjgdhf but if you mean soranort the long and short of it is I love bad endings and I love darkness and i wanted to stand out among the sea of soras on tumblr so i decided to write everyones favorite controversial au that everyone has a strong opinion on dkjhfg As for vanitas he just kinda.... manifested one day. ive been a vanitas stan since i first saw him but i didnt have a muse for him for awhile. he showed up mid soranort development and he wont leave

WHAT  ARE  YOUR  FAVORITE  ASPECTS  OF  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE: sora is a stronger soul than i ever will be. hes optimistic and charming and yet shoulders so much no boy ever should. hes smarter than a lot of people give him credit for (i’ll jokingly call him a dumbass but hes really a smart cookie). i see a lot of myself in sora too so maybe itd be nice to someday see myself in his better qualities too. for vanitas.............. god i. really dont know what to say without sounding like an ass but i just LOVE WHAT A BROKEN CHARACTER HE IS hes been through his own personal hell and back and crawled out a monster. a jaded creature snapping at any hands who come close despite how much he wants to take those hands he refuses. im fascinated and its immensely fun to write. plus the games clearly wont give him any character depth so i developed him on my own for 6 years and im very attached to my version of him kjfghdjg

WHAT’S  YOUR  BIGGEST  INSPIRATION  WHEN  IT  COMES  TO  WRITING:  JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.....i can find inspiration anywhere, sometimes in unexpected places. When i write i like to put music on, instrumentals or something not in english that way i dont get distracted, and the music just differs wildly depending on the thread. if im writing something on the emotional side i usually put on the Scala Ad Caelum theme. i dont know why it works it just does

FAVORITE  TYPES  OF  THREADS: i. well. if you follow this blog you know i love angst and misery dkfjnkgdfg i wont deny it. but we cant have angst all the time and its important to breathe so thats another thing i like to write! The respites, the breaths of fresh air. Ive also learned i REALLY love recovery threads. two characters talking their shit out like ‘wow, that was fucked up’ ‘yeah it was but we’re gonna be alright i got your back’ YEAH I LOVE THAT give me that sweet sweet HEALING PROCESS

BIGGEST  STRUGGLE  IN  REGARDS  TO  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE: i dont really Struggle with anything IC too much i guess? aside from Remembering all the KH lore WHICH IM PRETTY GOOD AT its just understanding some of the details that get me. That whole dream within a dream bullshit in DDD? yeah im. no thanks. i didnt understand it back then and i dont now. i dont know whats happening in ux and i havent known for Months (thats a lie i know whats going on but i dont know, you feel me?)

TAGGED BY: @ravensbled thank you monique!! <3 TAGGING: its...almost 2am Just. take it from me i dont care jdfkgglg

[surprisebitch]

lmao okay so there’s this thirsty guy on instagram.. he like started messaging in like october 2015. and he was really fit. he’s 23 too and like really muscular and really tall.. and at that time, i searched by image on google and he is a real person. he also has pics of him with his face and body and it’s legit.

and TBH his first message was like “hey cutie” with a dick pic and IT WAS MASSIVE. i dont even know how he found me cause he says he’s not on tumblr and the picture he linked when he messaged was an untagged pic.. but he doesnt remember but he found me there. and then i asked him if where is he from and LMAO he lives in London and it’s funny because he messaged like 3 months after i left London so yeah im very lucky right. cause i wouldve definitely hopped on that dick if i was still there. 

but yeah he sent pics and videos so i got to see his dick in different angles and they’re all consistent so it is his dick. and there was even this one photo of his dick next to a mug and IT’S WAY BIGGER THAN THE MUG. LIKE IT’S A GIANT DICK. and then i asked him how big it is and he said it’s 11 inches. and he sent more photos of how like there was one time a bottom could only take half of it and no one was able to deepthroat it cause its so big. and im like OKAY INTERESTING... and he’s a dom top too! which is perf cause im a power bottom and i’m up for a challenge so i entertained him for a while out of boredom and ofc i send back some vids and pics of mine too cause it’s only fair. and this has been going on for like 2 years already BUT not so frequently cause he like messages twice a month or once a month. or every few months.. and tbh i only reply when i literally have nothing else to do and i leave him on “Seen” cause whats the point.. like hello.. i’m in Canada and you’re in London so?? you can grab an ass right there.. why are you messaging me lol. and this guy isnt looking for anything serious, he just wants to fuck and he obvi just messages when he’s super horny like he just sends them when it’s the evening in London or like 2am UK time or early morning

but tbh his messages are a fucking mess cause he’s into like feminising his bottoms. and tbh im not even into that.. BUT i’m the type of guy who’s always up for a challenge and i wanted to put my power bottom skills to the test and take on that 11 inch dick cause that’s like an opportunity that doesnt always happen. so i just black out everytime he uses the word “boy pussy” and the c-word and all of that. cause i mean my masculinity aint that fragile and they’re just words

so anyway, last december 2016 i went to London to visit my family. and i messaged him cause yeah i was ready! but HEY he was away for the duration of my stay cause he was up north in england : ) but yeah i got dicked down by two english jocks anyway (and even got both on video cause they were both into that thing and i dont mind expanding my collection) so it was fine but yeah obvi i would’ve loved to try that monster dick

and then when i got back here in Canada last January, he messages and says he’s home and can accommodate and i was like “i just got back in Canada” and he was upset and he sent a dick pic. and then i was like “sorry maybe next time” and yeah this guy keeps messaging like every few months now. even when i told him i wont be back in like another year. and tbh i dont even reply or just have short replies at this rate cause really whats the point

but yeah here’s when it starts getting really crazy, he messaged recently and..

it was a photo of a guy sucking his dick and yeah the bottom just had his mouth on the tip and couldnt even reach half of it. he was like “wish it was u kneeling down” and it was hot! so ofc i reacted. and since i was bored and i just asked him how he fucked him cause ya know the details might be hot. but yeah it gets messy from here..

and he talked about how the guy begged to remove the condom (cant blame him tbh.. imagine getting bred by a monster cock. that doesnt happen always) and he even sent a video (and it was hot) then he talked about how he’s gonna fuck me and its redundant now cause like he’s been saying almost the same thing he has already told me. and I literally cringe everytime he calls it a “boy pussy” im like STOP TALKING.

BUT IT GETS MESSIER NOW CAUSE HE WENT “i’ll demolish ur ass and gape u so hard until my seed is leaking from ur [redacted] and lick ur [redacted] while ur wearing my gf’s panties”

AND IM LIKE HOLD ON WHAT???? GF??!?!? YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? and i obvi just typed lowercase like i was calm but inside i was FREAKING OUT. i mean its obvi NOT in my place to pry at his relationship but yeah so i was just like “u have a gf?” and he was like “yah i hope that doesnt put u off” and IM LIKE OF COURSE IT DOES. LIKE WHATTT. so i went “aah okay why dont u break up with her then if u fuck other guys?” and he was like “cause she has amazing tits but she wont let me touch her arse.. and besides boy pussy is hot and makes me cum loads more than girl pussy” and im like in my head GOD WHY DID I EVER REPLY TO THIS DEMON and he then he was like “i still wanna fuck ur brown asian pussy” and I WAS LIKE WELL WHAT THE FUCK.... and in my head i was... and then i replied “uh okay” #CANCELLED and GODDDDDD I FEEL DEFILED and A MESS??!?! I mean i didnt know he had a gf when i messaged him BUT THE FACT HE”S THATTTYPE OF WHITE DEVIL. and i asked him if his gf knows or if its an open relationship and he said “no” and he hasnt been caught. and he even bragged about fucking his gf’s gay 18 y o cousin who was a virgin and im like what the hell is THIS WHITE DEMON WITH A MONSTER DICK LIKE WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE A LITERAL MONSTER

anyway, obvi i was turned off! he probably does have an 11-inch cock that’s like super rare but i have dignity and my manhood! and his feminising kink wasnt my thing anyway. i just stayed for the pics and videos and the possibility i’d put my skills to the test and see if i can deepthroat him BUT OBVI THAT IS CANCELLED IF HE HAS A GF. LIKE I DONT WANNA BE THE OTHER PERSON or a side piece. but yeah gosh i am just shook rn. i like unsent all the nudes i sent and vids (thank god instagram has that feature)

and he hasnt stopped messaging, but yeah i now stopped replying and will stop replying. like i know this is probably like a men dot com gay porn fantasy to get fucked by a hot “straight guy” especially WITH A giant cock but like.. this is all too much. like this demon is out here fucking dudes and even rawing them behind her back. and im not gonna get involved like it’s a fucking mess and

[sasukechiha]

tagged by: @krshima​​ - thank you for tagging me emeryyyyyy im bored to death n its 1am lmfao

Objective: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag somebody

i tag: @kylornx @wattashi @v0ngola @oeruki @atsushisnakajima @kishou @kojiiro @miuroko @youngwholock @nozakis @hatkekakashi @trashysasuke​

LAST

drink - diet coke phone call - my..... friend text message - "kalke koitar shomoi ber hoba?” translation: “what time are u going out tomorrow” song you listened to - anxiety by blackbear  time you cried - when i finished devilman crybaby, so like over a week ago

EVER

dated someone twice - yes kissed someone & regretted - no been cheated on - kdlkdlkdj ye lost someone special - yes been depressed - yep, its a lot worse now  gotten drunk and thrown up - yes im rly bad w alcohol

FAV COLOURS

black and red (if any of y’all come at me sayin black aint a color im gonna clock u)

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

made new friends - not irl, im v picky w my friends and i like having a small circle. i’ve made a lot a lot a loooot of friends on here tho, 3 v special ones in particular fallen out of love - yes laughed until you cried - yes ltrly 3 days ago found out someone was talking about you - yes ppl just lov havin my name in their mouth met someone who changed you - yes found out who your friends are - i already been knewwwwww. i’ve always had the same circle of friends since i was 4 years old and they’re all are ltrly the best kissed someone on your facebook friends list - i dont have facebook who tf uses that shit

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - again,,,, fuck facebook do you have any pets - 4 turtles and 4 beta fish do you want to change your name - nope. i used to h8 my name before but i’ve grown to rly like it and im happy w it what did you do for your last birthday - my friends threw me a surprise party at my house and they decorated my entire place and stayed till like 2am it was gr8 what time did you wake up today - 11:30am lmfao what were you doing at midnight last night - on facetime w my friend what is something you can’t wait for - my class’ pre graduation bbq tomorrow  what are you listening to right now - anxiety by blackbear (its my fav song rn if u cant tell) have you ever talked to a person named tom - nope lmFAO something that’s getting on your nerves - ltrly every single youtuber other than shane dawson at this point. fuck logan paul and his disgusting dumb bitch ass most visited website - tumblr LMAOO hair colour - black long or short hair - medium???  do you have a crush on someone - yes what do you like about yourself - appearance wise my smile, personality wise i like to think im rly fun to be with im ltrly down to do anything want any piercings - i got my nose pierced just this year but i still wanna get a few more ear piercings (tragus in particular) and my belly button  blood type - a+ nicknames - aloo (fam n close friends), leema (only fam) relationship status - ;) zodiac - pisces  pronouns - she/her fav TV shows - english tv shows bore me so im stickin w my weeb ass anime. so uhh rn its devilman crybaby, naruto (it,,, sucks but its my childhood n i love sasuke), one punch man, code geass, sailor moon, cardcaptor sakura tattoos - none right or left handed - right ever had surgery - nope sport - i was captain of the volleyball team b4 i graduated highschool a month ago, and play football & badminton occasionally piercings - nose piercing and ear lobe piercings vacation - all of asia tbh. mostly the south asian countries, but i also rly wanna go to china n japan trainers - wtf does that mean. if ur talkin abt my shoes its either converse or i just stick to sandals

MORE GENERAL

eating - nothing rn drinking - diet coke LMAOOOOO its 1am im so unhealthy about to watch - uhh im gonna finish the recent few eps of mtny waiting for - my class bbq want - to be happy get married - i want to.... not now tho lmao career - genetic engineer is what im aiming for since im plannin on doin a bachelor of science majoring in genetics next year for uni

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses - hugs lips or eyes - eyes shorter or taller - taller (my ass is ltrly 5′3 so im biased bc i wanna be tall) older or younger - uhh i like ppl a few years older than me even when it comes to friends nice arms or stomach - idrc hookup or relationship - relationship troublemaker or hesitant - a lil bit of both. be responsible, dont do stupid shit but have fun and make the most out of ur life

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger - nope drank hard liquor - yes lost glasses - yes turned someone down - yes sex on first date - nope broken someone’s heart - yes had your heart broken - yes been arrested - no cried when someone died - yes fallen for a friend - yes dhjddlk

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself - nope (its a huge prob of mine) miracles - no love at first sight - no its bs santa clause - im muslim so i dont celebrate christmas skjldkl i didnt even know who santa claus was until i was like 5 kiss on a first date - if its consensual angels - yes

OTHER

best friend’s name - arya eye colour - black but its brown under the sun ok fav movie - the little mermaid forever n always fav actor - uhh deepika padukone, leonardo dicaprio, idk i dont rly have any fav actors lmfao

[pxlimpsest]

OPEN PLOTS: KIM INSEONG // muse list

quick details: kim inseong, 24, sex toy shop employee & erotica ghostwriter. but he’s a complete virgin (hello irony). super nice, but super weird. smiles a lot. maybe even too much.

i retrieved these plots from inseong’s old account, from when he was still in a directory. i thought i’d put them on here for anyone interested in interacting with him. i’d love to have more plots/interactions since i love him so much. and i need happier muses. he’s pretty much a crack muse, so i thought it’ll be fun. there’s angst in there somewhere for anyone into that kinda shit. i know i am. you can hit me up via ask/tumblr IM if you see anything you like - you can like this post and i’ll come to you instead!

thank you!

PRE-ESTABLISHED:

there was a time before you, but i can’t remember it now.

reality check ( m/f ) - OPEN (2)

you always feel the need to remind me that the reason i’m a single, inexperienced virgin is because i’m gay. and, apparently, everyone but me knows about it? do i give off some kind of vibe? i’m not gay. i’m just a simple, single, inexperienced virgin.

ex girl ( f ) - OPEN (2) we dated for awhile in college (a couple of months to a year or so), but broke up with no hard feelings involved. we still hang out from time to time - except now you have the audacity to tell me it wouldn’t have worked out anyway because i’m gay? what is with this slander? where do people get this information?

i’ll cover  you ( f ) - OPEN (1) we dated for awhile in high school/college (a couple of months to a year or so), but broke up with a lot of hard feelings involved on your part. you’re mad at me because you think i used you as a beard. why would i use you to cover up my sexuality? i have nothing to hide!

come and go ( f ) - OPEN (2) you’re always here. why are you always here? have you no shame at all walking in and out of a sex shop? do you even plan on buying anything? – basically that one friend who’s just there to bother him during work hours.

slow me down ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) sometimes i get way too invested in my writing that you have to forcefully drag me back to reality. you’re always there for me during my mental breakdowns, and i’ll always be there for you. i guess that’s what best friends are for.

lot to learn ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) you have way more sexual experiences than i ever will, which is why i’m always trying to get information out of you. i need it for this damn story. i have a deadline in a week. you gotta help me.

home ( m/f ) - OPEN (3) since my mom is always in busan, and i’m left alone most days at home, you’re always staying over to keep me company. it’s always a fun time, and i appreciate it. ilu my dude.

by 2am ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) it’s always your quest to get laid (or, mostly, get me laid), but i’m too old (at twenty-fucking-four years old) to keep up with all your partying. how are you not tired yet? how is it only 11pm? i need another drink.

ROMANTIC:

this is the foolish refrain of the hopelessly devoted.

seven days ( m ) - OPEN (2) can two people really fall in love in just seven days? we’re both single, and possibly even lonely. want to try dating exclusively for a week? (guess it won’t hurt to try.)

when i grow up ( m ) - OPEN the first guy i’ve ever dated (and possibly even loved). we ended things on a bad note because i was in denial about everything, told you this meant nothing when, in fact, it’s the opposite. now that we’re older, will you give me another chance?

toy ( m ) - OPEN (1) you used me as a “sexual awakening” experiment, and i let you. there aren’t any feeling involved, right? (could be the other way around)

lover dearest ( m ) - OPEN (1) a dysfunctional/toxic relationship. one or both of us are in the closet. probably lots of fighting.

between us ( m ) - OPEN (1) you’re straight/have a girlfriend, and i’m in love with you. (simple as that, but could go so many ways.)

different worlds ( m ) - OPEN (1) the first time. i decided you’re taking my v-card, and you’re down with it. i’m only doing this so i can write my book… or is it because i actually want to give you everything?

WORK:

and i, who have never thought in terms of life, think to myself that i could make a life out of this.

boom boom ( m ; working nearby ) - OPEN (2) the work crush. i always visit you during breaks with the excuse that i just really like to eat here/look around. you don’t seem to mind, and we’re pretty good friends, so i’m not about to ruin it and admit that i’m actually here because i like you and think you’re hella cute.

if u wanna ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) the work best friend. we try to get the same shifts, and are always in each other’s shops being obnoxious during one of our breaks. it’s a miracle neither of us is fired for it yet.

the regulars ( m/f ) - OPEN ( ∞ ) considering  we sell sex toys, and you almost always come out of the shop with a purchase, you must have a very exciting (or peculiar) sex life.

new meat ( m/f ) - OPEN ( ∞ ) it’s your first time in a sex shop? looking to experiment? don’t look so embarrassed! we’ve all been there. come, come. let me show you these rows of colorful dildos.

waiting room ( m/f ) - OPEN ( ∞ ) it’s a slow day at work, and i didn’t notice you coming in. i’m surprised you’re trying to strike up a conversation about what i’m reading instead of the sex toys we’re selling. but - wait, you like this book/manga, too?

a twist in my story ( m/f ) - OPEN ( ∞ ) i was furiously typing some half-assed erotic draft on my laptop/phone behind the counter, and didn’t notice you reading over my shoulder. you comment, and now we’re talking about sex, and hey, that’s really insightful information. i could use that.

come back home ( m/f ) - OPEN (3) we always walk home together after work. sometimes we grab some dinner, and hang out at each other’s places if there’s no work the next day.

vanilla iced coffee ( m/f ; cafe employee) - OPEN i’m a regular at your cafe, and sometimes visit thrice (or more) a day to order the same drink. you’re getting worried about my caffeine intake.

SITUATIONAL:

moments into minutes, minutes into hours.

night changes ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) we went on a date/to hang out, and everything just seems to be going wrong. are we running on a streak of bad luck or something?

blind date ( m ) - OPEN (2) you know that thing where we’re the only two gay people they know? yeah? well, this blind date happened because of that. not that i’m gay or anything, but you’re really fucking cute, my dude.

finally ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) i accidentally blurted out i was gay, for the first time in my life, and you’re the first person to hear it. i’m giving you three seconds to judge me, and then flee - don’t give me that look! it’s not like this is some epiphany! wait, why are you patting my back–

flightless bird ( m/f ) - OPEN (2) damn, this is turning out to be some storm. looks like we’re stuck here for awhile. it’s almost closing time, too. (stranded together during a rain/snow storm)

[a-mess-with-no-finesse]

So @mariah-dont-carey tagged me to answer all of these but tumblr blocked the post from my innocent eyes

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Honestly im a sappy bastard and would love to go stargazing for a date

2. whats your “type”

I don’t understand “types” but i guess dorks/anybody i can just have a good laugh with  

3. do you want kids?

I absolutely adore kids, and ideally I want lots of kids (okay maybe not a lot but they’re adorable) but if i dont have kids it wont kill me. I’ll be the coolest aunt and I’ll hopefully be a teacher one day

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

I don’t have a preference. It doesn’t matter how the kid ends up being my child.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

Playing foosball (and kicking her ass at it btw) at a Pizzeria in my hometown

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

....I haven’t even kissed anyone I don’t know how to be a person I can barely keep my shit together while making eye contact so I imagine my first time will be a mess but meh maybe it’ll be a good mess

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Let’s see. It’s 2am. So I’d say its a pretty good bet to say I’m a night time gay.

8. opinion on nap dates?

Fuck yeah give me all the nap dates

9. opinion on brown eyes?

I have brown eyes and I call my eyes turd orbs. However, on other people i like them.

10. dog gay or cat gay?

 i can’t decide i love them both

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Considering I am someone who owns a bearded dragon and have owned an adorable bald rat, yes I absolutely would date them.

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

how they treat other people/strangers, or if our humor/energies don’t mesh because awkward painful interactions are unbearable

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

well i didn’t know what gay meant I thought it was just an insult so when i did find out what it was i had very negative assumptions because of the conditioned response i developed

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

who gives a fuck what people think of you, speak up, be openly excited and dorky, and don’t be scared to be different. Never let someone tear down your happiness

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

16. who is an ex you regret?

um none it was an experience that was necessary and I don’t regret it. guys i’m a baby gay.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

definitely a cafe gay. over stimulation is not my kind of fun

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

hmm let me think oh yeah none

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

video game/book gay

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Clarke and Lexa 

21. favourite gay youtuber

Rose and Rosie

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

no because i’ve asked out one person

23. have you ever been in love?

yes

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

i break my own heart so sure

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

do i look like i know whats going on in my head? because i never know what im feeling so no i dont determine shit for shit

26. favourite lgb musician/band

Hayley Kiyoko

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

take your time figuring yourself out dont rush it dont force anything just be okay with being patient and putting that puzzle together itll be okay 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

yes, but apparently its still a surprise to some people. I came out to my friends verbally or text. I sent my mom the coming out song by ally hills and i texted the rest of my family.

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

This isn’t uncomfy but funny. my friend Simon stole my phone and was on my snapchat story recording himself whispering repetitively “Payton’s gay” and in the background I yelled “That would be correct you dork.” Before I knew I was gay he used to text my mom that I was, and now he texts her that im straight. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

It gets better. We have a tough skin. We will persist. You will persist. 

[shrimpcache]

Journal entry 6/6/21

Feeling lots of things, thinking lots of thoughts, remembered my idea to do journals here. id rather you didnt reblog but i cant exactly stop you either, and its not like anyone important to not see this is really on tumblr. anyways.

I hate this stupid situation with this passport- i want to go to italy, id love to be anywhere that isnt the piedmont anymore. at least anywhere that isnt the same suburb with the same roads and street signs and city design and construction where i used to see forests and fields. I want to see where my best friend grew up, im excited to see this new side and learn something new about someone so familiar to me. im excited to meet people whos language i dont speak, to just look at store signs and roads and cars that are unfamiliar without being frightening because theres someone next to me who knows what to do already. imagine me traveling and not stressing about how i need to know where i am at all times lest i get lost, or keeping track for my group of friends who is equally unfamiliar with somewhere that looks just like every north carolina town. new mountains, new people, new norms, new sounds in the morning, new sounds at night. will i miss the cicadas this summer? will it even matter?

the sad part is i dont know if my passport will get to me in time. I might have to take a day trip to vermont where i cant even explore national forests or non-chain restaurants. Ill have to walk into a passport facility without all my necessary documents and hope theyll see in the system that the fucking government still has my birth certificate. I want to go to europe. I want to get out of here so bad, but i never got my passport because things like that didn;t just happen to me.

Im not the one who gets the interesting summer trips. Always too broke, working, or i just cant justify to myself why i would just drop everything to go somewhere where i know nothing and know no one. Why that thought is so sad to me, “things that fun and cool just aren’t meant for me” 

Maybe its the insinuation that it is for other people. Does it just tie into this image i have of myself? this barely human person who just copies and mimics until people read me as one of them too? I think i really understand that artist now who makes adhd comics and draws herself with little alien antennae- i really do feel like an alien. even when I take adderol, it only really helps with the energy and executive dysfunction. Which is great!!! i love my adderoll and im so glad that i can feel a little bit more like a normal person, and im proud of myself pursuing it until i got it. But it doesn’t change that i wont ever be able to just relate to most people. Its like growing up with undiagnosed adhd created a Me and Them venn diagram, where everything that makes me who i am can never be in the center of the interlocking circles. The way i speak, how fast, how slow, how hesitant, how exuberant- i never realized how much i masked until i started talking with people whos brains worked at the same pace as mine. people who thought the strangest, unhelpful thoughts too. Im not trying to make myself special or some sort of ‘other’ in society -im a little white girl who grew up in a house with two floors and my own room, nothing was really working against me outside of myself. But having something inside of you that is unquestionably you and it just seems like youre the only one whos like this for no reason was just so hard. its kinda...harder now that i know none of it was because there was something inherently wrong with me.

sigh. this is all over the place. anyone who cares to read congrats on seeings how my brain connects thoughts in real time. i dont have aphantasia or anything but my imagination and thoughts have always been more word and language based than visual, so rather than having racing thoughts of intense images of memories my brain just produces sentences ed nauseum or whatever. Thoughts that i might not even agree with but they rile me up and pull me under anyway- if im stressed the stress just manifests as a tornado of sentences and phrases happening concurrently, like theres some sort of crowd in my head saying vaguely similar things out of time. or harsh things. or mean things. but i think thats kai’s fault. like when i was spiraling over a failing grade in chemistry in my dorm at 2am where i couldnt stop thinking that the only reason i hadnt killed myself already was because i was such a financial drain on everyone around me and i couldnt waste their money by dying. maybe theres a hint of truth in there but its so exaggerated. i havent killed myself because i want to live and experience my life as much as i experience the lives of others, but i also always feel this heavy burden of wasted money, wasted time, wasted potential, constantly stirring up my brain. 

this started with my passport, right? thats my stressor right now, and its pretty big so it bleeds into other parts of my life so easily. my therapist says i have this habit of replacing one stressor with another, and sometimes i can recognize it, but i dont think its getting replaced as much as its being amplified. Im waiting on my passport, which probably wont get here before my travel date, so ill have to fly to vermont and get one the day before i travel even though i already have one in processing. I spent $1400 on my ticket and i cant even transfer it to anyone without getting a refund or something, and i spent that much money without even knowing if i could travel. can i even get a refund? i worry about it as soon as i wake up, whenever i have a free moment to think, when im going to bed, when im playing games. when im doing anything that isnt working on getting my passport, even though i cant really do anything but call the same phone number and wait on hold for hours. but because im ‘not trying hard enough’ to get my passport, im too overwhlmed to do my laundry. to clean my room. to exercise my dog properly. im irritable. i just want to see my friends but i dont even talk about whats bothering me because im afraid to cry in front of them. im crying right now because this is the only outlet ive given myself to feel in literal months. writing always does this to me, drags me into emotions i dont realize im pushing down until the words just come out against my own will. i missed typing on my keyboard though. i missed thinking and seeing it in front of me, so i guess this is a sort of catharsis. i put some clothes in the laundry, at least. good job me. 

maybe this will all work out in the end and itll feel great. maybe ill get on a plane with my original ticket and have a fun few weeks away from everything ive always known. maybe ill set foot on a sidewalk ive never touched before! maybe ill get that tattoo. maybe things will be okay. i can focus on stuff working out too, if i try hard enough. i think im done writing now. half way through this i worked some stuff out with my friends and there are a few things that are less scary now than when i first started writing. see you next time

[txskax]

"Wait, these are hella cute questions"(do them all)

((whoms’tvem sent this???))“Fantastic now that others are learning about me....”

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?... had to think a bit but I believe my close boy Ji

2. Are you outgoing or shy?Too outgoing but I will be shy once I realize3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My pet rabbit4. Are you easy to get along with?Kind of? most people view me as intimidating5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I fucking hope so, but I have a strong feeling he would get drunk too6. What kind of people are you attracted to?I don’t have a specific type, but I am into the gentle souls7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Not really.. if I do its going to be open8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?... The girl from the bakery down my street9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?No.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?my dearest Ji?11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?you can choke on my dick for all I care, I want my money now12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Billie Eilish - When the partys overBillie Eilish - IdontwannabeyouanymoreTodrick Hall - No place like homeIndila - Derniere DanseIndila - Tourner dans la vide13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Kind of?14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?No.15. What good thing happened this summer?I got laid16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Yes17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Perhaps, thats 2am talk18. Do you still talk to your first crush?.... No I hate him ... despise is better

19. Do you like bubble baths?Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?I am never home but they are respectful, sure21. What are you bad habits?Smoking, drinking, cracking my knuckles, fighting22. Where would you like to travel?Paris23. Do you have trust issues?Yes24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Making coffee and looking out my apartment window as the sun rises25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?My freckles, cheeks... I always have makeup on.. second hated is my hair, i perm is straight26. What do you do when you wake up?Do some yoga to get active then a swim, then have a quick breakfast and shower before work27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?neither I like my tanned skin28. Who are you most comfortable around?Ji again29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?I wish he was on his knees now begging30. Do you ever want to get married?not really.. im not marriage material31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?It used to be! I had it out to waist length now I cut it into a messy beach wave bob thingy... but i guess a teeny tiny ponytail works32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?The rock,  Chris evans, Chris hemsworth. anyone know them? tell them to hmu, I am ready to be cucked33. Spell your name with your chin.asxdiunb Z ...perfect assdumbz34. Do you play sports? What sports?I play volleyball recreational and sometimes archery 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Without tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?No.. I am straight forward with my feelings37. What do you say during awkward silences?Nothing, I will sleep 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Dream girl.. she should have this heart of gold, a smile that just makes the sunrise like shit,  a warmth to her that autumn spices cannot provide.. Dream guy... same thing.. preferably older than me, so like 35-40s? I am already 3139. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Brand names? dunno, depends, usually bargain stores are fantastic40. What do you want to do after high school?I am done high school. I had dreams to work as a nurse or marine biologist, but I ended up getting a degree to become a jeweler 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?3 chances, one time is a mistake, the second is a learning progress, the third one if you fucked up then you are an imbecile 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Over thinking or being over analytical, usually if its after an argument its a seal that I am no longer friends/family with you at that exact moment, forgiveness is not given.43. Do you smile at strangers?sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Bottom of the ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?The fact that there is food in this world I have not tasted46. What are you paranoid about?Nothing really47. Have you ever been high?yes48. Have you ever been drunk?yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Now if i elaborated on that everyone can figure it out, can’t fool me today!50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Pink51. Ever wished you were someone else?All the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I was just born in a different family and was just a better child53. Favourite makeup brand?Mac? Dior? not sure54. Favourite store?Not sure55. Favourite blog?Design for Mankind, the author writes good essays and works56. Favourite colour?Neutrals57. Favourite food? Melomakarona Its a Greek sweet more than a meal 58. Last thing you ate?Stifado - Again a Greek dish, which is a stew of meat , herbs, tomato and onions59. First thing you ate this morning?Cereal, Cheerios60. Ever won a competition? For what?No61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Funny story, in my design class some girl pissed me off and so I sewed her sleeves to the fabric she was working on

62. Been arrested? For what?Killing63. Ever been in love? Sure64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Stupid as I was I thought it was love and so it felt like it would be as a fairytale to every 12 year old girl.. I hate it now65. Are you hungry right now?STARVING66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?The hell is tumblr?67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?Twitter69. Are you watching tv right now?no70. Names of your bestfriends? I don’t have any, ever since immigrating to asia I never bothered much and those that i am close with are horrible influences i chose to stick by71. Craving something? What?Dick Yogurt, maybe some rice and baked beans72. What colour are your towels?Dark grey72. How many pillows do you sleep with?6?73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?No74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?None75. Favourite animal?Penguin76. What colour is your underwear?Right now? Black77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.. especially dark chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Chocolate chip mint.. you hate it? well then you are a fucking tool79. What colour shirt are you wearing?A beige sweater/hoodie80. What colour pants?Black leather skinnies81. Favourite tv show?Taboo82. Favourite movie?Mad Max83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Mrs. George86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory87. First person you talked to today?Ji88. Last person you talked to today?Probably Ji as well89. Name a person you hate?My first ex90. Name a person you love?Myself91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?My ex, and my filthy clients92. In a fight with someone?Not at the moment93. How many sweatpants do you have?20 pairs94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?20 pairs95. Last movie you watched?Venom, it wasn’t bad96. Favourite actress?Audrey Hepburn97. Favourite actor?Jason Statham98. Do you tan a lot?Yes, naturally i am already tan so i just go darker99. Have any pets?A black rabbit with otter fur (meaning the fur looks like velvet)100. How are you feeling?Hungry, horny, sleepy and shit.. so just peachy101. Do you type fast?yes but i am lazy to send102. Do you regret anything from your past?Running away from home which was in Greece to come to Korea and live with an aunt and now going no where by dating old as fuck geezers for high income money103. Can you spell well?yes104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Not really105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yes106. Ever broken someone’s heart?yes107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes108. What should you be doing?working but I am here with this long ass interview109. Is something irritating you right now?not really110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yes111. Do you have trust issues?yes112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?No one sees me cry113. What was your childhood nickname?Ada, DiDi114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yes115. Do you play the Wii?No116. Are you listening to music right now?yes117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?YES118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes and not the noodle but literally everything119. Favourite book?House of leaves120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No121. Are you mean?Sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?NO NEVER123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Yes124. Do you believe in love at first sight?No125. Do you believe in true love?I am very iffy on this one126. Are you currently bored?yes127. What makes you happy?sweets and snacks128. Would you change your name?I would to maybe Adonis or Basil129. What your zodiac sign?Leo130. Do you like subway?I dont like sandwiches too much131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Probably nothing, tell them that the feeling isn’t mutual respectfully132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Ji133. Favourite lyrics right now?“If I love you was a promise, would you break it if you’re honest?”134. Can you count to one million?yes but why?135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I dont really remember136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed

137. How tall are you?177 cm138. Curly or Straight hair?I like straight hair on myself139. Brunette or Blonde?Doesn’t matter140. Summer or Winter?winter141. Night or Day?night142. Favourite month?October143. Are you a vegetarian?no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?doesnt matter but dark is preferred145. Tea or Coffee?both146. Was today a good day?has not ended but its boring147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?“Find a way to smile and never let it go”149. Do you believe in ghosts?No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? House of leaves‘Spreta latet silvis pudibundaque frondibus ora protegit et solis ex illo vivit in antris;’ (not the full thing)

‘So she was turned away, to hide her face, her lips, her guilt among the trees;’

[imnotsebastiansten]

9

When was the last time you had a slurpee? no idea

What is your favorite television show? the magicians and mr robot

What holiday will be coming up next? christmas

Have you ever done hard drugs before? nah

What is the worst name anyone has ever called you? hmm no idea

What color are your eyes? hazel

What does the last text you sent say? ”we love a legend”

When was the last time you cried out loud in front of someone? cant remember dude it was a long time ago because i aint showing my weaknesses in front of others anymore

Where is your favorite place to eat out? i usually eat at taco bell if i eat out because i cant afford real food oof

Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ no i guess?

Have you ever been obsessed with a television character? too many to count

Do you ever wish you had powers of invisibility? fuck yes

What was the last thing that changed your life completely? the fact that metallica announced they are coming to my city i still cant believe it

Do you have any step siblings? nope

Did you partake in senior skip days? in what

Do you have Showtime? nope

When was the last time you went to Wal-mart? never went to one because im not from america

Have you ever read the Christian Bible? well i read a kids version when i was smaller because i had to read it for school

Is there anything you’d like to say to anyone at the moment? hmm i guess, but its mostly just frustration i wish i had the balls to let out

Do you tend to cry a lot? nah man

When the holidays come around, do you help decorate? yess

Would you say you have more common sense or book sense? probably a mix of both

Would you ever consider having an abortion? depends on the situation but probably yes

What does the majority of clothes in your closet look like? fucking black

Has someone ever promised not to leave you? yes and they did

Do you have a part-time job? nope

Do you order clothing offline quite often? i dont really order clothes online because i wanna see how they look before i actually buy them

Are you the type of person who likes to buy gifts for your friends? yess i love it, i wish i could afford it more often tho

Have you ever lived in an apartment before? yes and i am still living in one

Have you ever been questioned by the police? nah

In which state / country were you born? romania

Are you close to your parents? with my mom yes i guess

Have you ever had to be put on medicine for a mental disorder? no

Would you say you have impressive grammar skills? nah, they are just average

White chocolate or milk chocolate? why choose?

Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? yes i guess

Does your television connection ever go out during your favorite show? i dont watch stuff on tv

Would you rather be part of a team or alone? a l o n e working in teams with people i cant cooperate with is so fucking annoying

Do you have a Tumblr? um

Do you ever eavesdrop on people in hallways? do i what

Have you ever been punched in the stomach? yes

Is there anyone you’d like to be cuddling with at the moment? maybe

Would you consider yourself a crafty person? ehh maybe yes

What would you say is your favorite color of all time? green

Chinese or Mexican food? chinese definitely

What do you normally drink when eating at a fast food restaurant? it depends idk man sometimes a smoothie sometimes hot chocolate 

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? sort of but its mostly platonic i think

Is there something important that you should be doing as of now? i should wash my hair

Have you ever participated in Black Friday shopping? yes

Describe your favorite outfit? i dont even know im in a teenage crisis where i dont like my current style anymore and i wanna change it and im really confused

What color are your nails painted right now, if any? they are not painted

Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? uhhh sort of, for a pets..

What is your biggest fear? i have abandonment issues buddy

What is your favorite website to go on in your spare time? hmm probably tumblr idk or youtube

What do you normally order when you go to Taco Bell? griller beefy, is this what it was called

Do you ever spend the night with your significant other? i dont have a significant other oof

What is your favorite number? 11

Do you know a lot about serial killers? more than i should

Has your life ever been challenged by something huge? hmm i dont think so

Have the police ever been looking for you? no

Where do you get most of your accessories from? hmm well just random places usually

Have you ever been in a car accident? not a major one

Do you cuss more than any one else you know? not more than everyone but more than some people that i know

When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? hmm i dont think i ever kissed anyone younger than me

How old is your youngest cousin? i literally have no idea

Are you currently in a happy relationship? i fucking wish

Where did your last kiss take place and at what time of day?

during a school trip at the mountains at like 2am i think idk

How do YOU download music? i used to do it with youtube converter but now i have no idea how because i got an iphone and idk how this works but i have free apple music until november so im fine for now

Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? nah

Have there ever been any serial killers around your hometown? i dont know

When was the last time you went to a museum? .hmm idk thats actually pretty sad

Is heartbreak as bad as it sounds? yes

What was your first job? i worked at some film makings

Do you prefer shades or mini-blinds? idk what those are

What is the weather like outside? its actually gotten really cold 

Do you ever find yourself talking to someone who isn’t even there? duuh

Do you normally have nightmares or good dreams? i dont really have any kind of dreams which is really annoying

What do people compliment you on the most? my hair

Are you jealous of any of your friends? of literally all of them

Are you more of an open person or closed to communication? really fucking closed oof

Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? no

Are you a good listener? i think

What is your favorite drink? prigat de capsuni

What is something you always tend to lose? my hair ties

Do you buy more things for yourself or others? myself

If you chew gum, which kind is your favorite? apple one

Is there anyone you know in which you’d like to simply punch in the face? i guess

Do you like listening to foreign music? yess

What turns you on the most? idk man

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? no