#and now i have to go be normal and not act like im grappling with myself beign erased

[rainswings]

.

[humdinky]

i love pixar's turning red. it is such a good representation of girls at that age. they don't shy away from depicting the awkward and weird parts. it is so rare to see a movie depict girls and their silly interests without condemning or judging them. they just let the girls be girly, noisy, and silly.

fuck the hate this movie got on its release. i could go on for hours about society's uniquely shitty attitude towards teenage girls and their interests. there are countless examples. remember the feverish hate for twilight, a series aimed exclusively at young women? what about the hunger games? teenage girls were the first ones to fall in love with elvis and the beatles, and critics treated them like a joke. that is, until adult men started liking them. funny how that works. justin bieber fans, one direction fans, vsco girls, girly girls, tomboys, emo girls, indie girls, bookworms. you will see every single type of girl being made fun of for every conceivable interest a human being can have.

at a certain age you feel forced to make an arbitrary choice. lean into your feminine side and continue to get mocked for 'being shallow', 'only caring about your looks', 'being annoying' etc. or lean into your masculine side and get called a pick-me or told that you just want to get with their guy friends. you like things that are popular? you’re basic. you like things that aren’t as popular? you’re trying too hard. it is the entire reason why so many girls internalize this misogyny, why they start saying things like "im not like other girls."

i certainly wasn't immune to that trap. i didn’t fit the mold and got ostracized for it. the only validation i received for the longest time was from boys, when i turned my anger back on girls and girlhood. i was sold that narrative so many times that i wore it like some sort of badge of honor. it took years to unlearn. i feel sad when i look back on my younger self. i was so sad, so angry, and so scared all the time.

we get insulted for being happy. we get insulted for being sad. we get insulted for being mad that we were insulted for being sad. we get insulted for trying to forget what happened and act happy again. we get insulted for feeling hopeless. they beat the confidence out of you very early.

and it angers me how the emotions of teenagers as a whole are so often neglected. when you're around that age and grappling with big emotions, you've quite literally never felt anything that strongly before. a failed test, a best friend's betrayal, being cut from a sports team. it all feels like a rejection of your entire person, your entire being. you haven't lived that many years yet, and it's the first time you've felt this horrible. you don't have anything to compare it to, and it feels like nobody else could have ever survived feeling this bad before.

it's not petty teenage drama. it's not immaturity. it is a normal human reaction to the worst pain you've experienced, and it is happening at a time when your body is going haywire and your feelings feel impossible to control. you don't know how to cope with it, you can't possibly know, because it's the first time you've had this bottomless well of pain tearing you up inside. you can't look back at previous times you've felt this way to reassure yourself that it will be okay eventually. the first time is the worst and hardest and you have no resources to get through it yet.

a lot of adults scoff at and dismiss the feelings of teenagers. "you're young, you'll get over it"' they've decided that because you haven't dealt with this feeling before that you must be overreacting. sometimes you are, and sometimes you're reacting exactly how any adult would. it's an absolutely shitty thing to express to anyone. a teenage girl's pain is not any less real than a 50 year old's pain. so what if it will get better? it doesn't matter that it isn't going to be the worst thing that ever happens; it matters that right now it very much is the worst thing that's happened.

yes, teenagers overreact over a lot of things that aren't as important as they feel. as if adults, who don't even have the excuse of inexperience with deep emotions, don't? no one should ever dismiss someone else's pain regardless of their age or circumstances.

​im turning 20 in a few months. find the small joys of life, and don’t you dare let anyone take them away from you. if there is a teenage girl reading this, i love you, i am sorry, and it does get better.

[fishgirl514]

ok. just finished season 3 now im going to ramble:

i was not a huge fan of the fact that the entire season was one really long fight scene in the same location? it got a little boring lol

also a lot of the things that happened just kind of …happened. not a lot of explanation or justification or setting up for logical conclusions.

also i know this iteration of sonic is definitely not the same as other versions of his personality but his unyielding determination to redeem nine when he was literally tearing the universe apart was very odd. like.. sonic wouldn’t do that. he’s never been a guy who’s determined to redeem villains and make friends.

the threat posed by the robots was really inconsistent, esp the big one? ALSO WHEN THE 2 TAILS FUCKING DIED AND EVERYONE JUST MOVED ON ??????? WHAT LMAO.. i know they were alive in the end but still😭

sonic’s whole “my friends!!!!!!!!!!!” thing was so undefined and all over the place. like does he want to save his friends or just nine? because he was being such a pushover with him.

honestly a lot of things were all over the place. dread was moping and refusing to fight and then next scene he’s normal? what does tails even want..? him becoming a power hungry supervillain wasn’t really narratively justified.

for the first 2 seasons there was a bunch of character arcs set up. shadow learns to trust sonic, sonic learns to cooperate with his friends, and he grapples with the concept of having to destroy the new worlds he created to bring back an old one. yeah it’s a complex topic… but if ur going to set up a crazy moral dilemma you have to solve it! instead we got some stupid voltron steven universe bullshit LOL

what happened to the void? and the chaos emerald? WHERE WAS SHADOW IN THE END??? i wanted to know if he lost his memory of everything or not!!!

ghhhhhhhhhh…….. in the end, i still really enjoyed this show. the animation was FANTASTIC and i loved the voice acting and designs and the *concept* the started with. im happy to see that it wasn’t abandoned and im happy that sonic got a netflix series. hopefully this will mean good things for the franchise moving forward but dear GOD they have got to get more subtle with sonic’s character. he’s such a mope it’s making me want to go rewatch sonic x to see him being normal again. this seems really negative and complainy because there was a LOT to discuss but honestly this show still means a lot to me and it helped me through a really dark moment and overall i still think it’s pretty good.

im absolutely going to talk about what i would have done to wrap up all the character arcs in a sort of rewrite thing in another post as soon as i finish thinking it through bc my mind is buzzing.

FUCK ALSO I FORGOT TO SAY THE SONADOW WAS PEAK IM SAD THEY DIDNT GET A CLOSING MOMENT BUT SHADOW CARRYING SONIC BACK WAS MY EVERYTHING AND THE HUG MOMENT WHERE SHADOW DIDNT PUSH OFF LIKE HE DID BEFORE WAS ADORABLE

[supercupcakecollector-love]

Changes/ things in season 3 that I disliked 

the positive season 3 post I made  if you would like to read that as well or instead I will be adding both to that post and this one when part 2 comes out  

no im not going to talk about the goddamn costumes, everybody has, I agree and im sick of seeing it  they look cheap and  bad, they need more color they need to look somewhat period appropriate, moving on 

We got alot of amazing bonding moments with Ciri and Yennefer but I wish they would have kept the scene where she saved Ciri from the Wild Hunt.  We already got lots of Geralt Ciri bonding moments, we needed as much stuff with Yen being Ciri`s mother as we could possibly get and that was one of the best scenes, 

(side note of the stuff we did get while I appreciated and “ my ugly one” scene it felt very random and out of place  especially with how dolled up they made Freya look, she didnt need to have any makeup on I would have liked to see her more tomboyish look from the books)

TWN usually knocks casting out of the park but Robbie Amell  as Gallatin felt so out of place with his acting and trying to hide his accent, and much like the problem with blood origin looks nothing like the other elves and his scar is barley noticeable 

I knew he was going to die from when I heard they were going to use an original character instead of  Isengrim or   Iorweth they really did learn from the  Eskel incident. while I didn't like his character his death leads to some amazing character stuff with  Cahir, grappling with his sense of self and loyalty to Emhyr  since they need to have another reason why he changes sides later because of the age gap between him an Ciri in this version

Dijkstra here just doesn't feel like Dijkstra  

normally I don't really care if a character doesn't look  exactly like their book counterpart, but    Dijkstra being a huge imposing pigish man is part of his character,   Graham McTavish isn't doing a bad job, there are a few good scenes and he has good chemistry with Cassie`s Philippa but he just doesn't have the right sarcasm,  snark and attitude for the character, even their dynamic is off they’re equally stubborn, arrogant, conniving, and equally think they’re the one dominating the other , book and game  Dijkstra stole every scene he was in and was one of my favorite characters this version is mostly boring 

( sidenote but I didnt mind the whipping scene it was clearly not meant to be sexual or that they are in a sexual bdsm  relationship but that Dijkstra is a   Flagellant and that its a stress coping mechanism they engage in as they must trust each other in the underground world)

Tissaia and  Vilgefortz being lovers and  Tissaia`s seemingly ooc behavior

now to be fair with the intrigue aspect of this season I think they might do a bait and switch with this either  Tissaia Is acting this way to lead him on and try to stop him, or  Vilgefortz has control over Tissaia in some way ( he is arguabley the most powerful mage in the world even if she also is)  

either that or they put them together so it makes more sense for her to side with him/ Nilfgaardian since they established her as much more an active in this version and not just someone wanting to remain “neutral” like in the books

I just hope that her “ending” has as much impact as it should considering what an important character they made her 

Episode 5 is a mixed bag

while there were definitely things that I loved about this episode like the tender  yenralt moments and the use of dialog from the book, as well as the concept of the framing device from the book, but it got way too repetitive in parts, the Valdo song was fun but it overstays its welcome 

this episode reminds me of the Leverage episode  “ The Rashomon Job“ while that episode changed things things up every time it went back and told the story from another characters point of view this one doesn't do anything all that creative with it, and your stuck watching a bit of the same exact  scenes over and over again with slightly more information 

I imagine this episode will work better when the full season out and we see what its all building up to 

and I said I wouldn't  mention the costumes but, the ball was the one time the consumes had to be really stunning, where is all the color, its so dull looking, why do they look like they are doing a red carpet event in the 90s 

and I didn't  think it was possible to make Anya look anything less than stunning but this is by far Yennefer’s worst look, it bothered me more than any other visual in the season, nothing works about it, shes supposed to be in a gown with her hair down but she look like a cross between a taky 70s Cher impersonator and a low budget bollywood star 

( can some one please draw the TWN actresses in what they are described as wearing in the book like Keira in the green tulle top, Sabrina in the black chiffon blouse and a crimson skirt or Philippa dress lined with diamonds and ermine fur, I will commission you  ) 

the  casting of  Margarita Laux-Antille completely backfires due to how they wrote her character 

 Casting a plus sized black woman as a character that is described as white, and extremally conventionally attractive, to spite the gamer dudebros, is a move I like to be clear I love the diversity this show has given us  incredible actresses like Anya and  Anna and Mimi that in past years would have been looked over 

 but unfortunately they make her character conform to the “ angry black woman stereotype” and hit Ciri despite her character in the books who could be described  as “sweet” and “the cool teacher”   hopefully we will see her  character more like the books with the lodge in the second half of the season 

and just general “sins of the father” stuff that is from the books but isn't given proper context for show only fans to understand 

 like the discussion about aelirenn leaving out that older elves are infertile, or    many things about Aplegatt and his role in the story, the “ my ugly one” line feeling really out of place im sure there is more but thats all I can remember for now,  

[hansolmates]

a hero’s journey (m)

summary; jungkook and jisoo are the mightiest power couple. however, one drunken confession and that whole facade fades in an instant. you realize that maybe you need to break from your unvaried life for a bit and be the hero of your own love story pairing; jungkook x editor!reader (f) genre/warnings; best friend’s boyfriend au, slice of life, angst with a happy ending because im weak, pining pINING, everyone’s kind of a mess in their own sweet special way, alcohol use, mentions of ze weed, toxic relationships, mean friends, sex—slight dom!kook, food play, fingering, squirting, heavy use of the petname “pretty girl” bc im weak, strength kink, manhandling (oop!) w.c; 22.2k a/n; woof! my first fic for @goldenclosetnetwork​ 23 | jungkook’s birthday project! this goes out to all the closet romantics *ahem me cough* who doesn’t love pining between a cutie koo? a huge thank u for vivi @eerieedits​ for making this bbbBEAUTIFUL fic banner!  

prompt used: “I should’ve known.”

if you like this fic pls consider giving a like n’share🥺💜🥺💜

It’s so easy to ignore the world. 

Maybe it’s a young-adult thing, but it gets difficult fitting into the 9-to-5 and playing to satisfy bosses that don’t entirely understand your work ethic. Maybe it’s out of complacency, or fear. But you prefer to let the world flow around you and when you’re needed, you’ll act. You’ve reached that point in your life where you enjoy the little things, satisfied by an extra hour of overtime tacked onto your paycheck, a new fabric softener, or finding the perfectly squishy yoga mat. 

You’ve finally started feeling comfortable in your shoes, uncaring as to whether you’re single or drowning in college debt, happy to live a relatively stable life. You’re grateful. There’s nothing more than you need than your happiness, and the love of your friends and family. 

Namely, your best friend from college. Jisoo always joked about how you two “won the lottery” as dorm rooms in freshman year were determined by lottery. Pulling numbers 883 and 884, you and Jisoo snagged a corner spot of the dormitory, leaving you two utterly cramped but utterly close as the years went by. Six years later and it’s still the case, the two of you have grown into talented working ladies. While you may not be able to spend time with each other the same way you did in school, you still care for each other. 

So when Jisoo shows up teary with a rumpled dress shirt and her hair waterfalling out of this morning’s bun, you break out the good alcohol and season three of Jane the Virgin for her. 

After the liquid is warm in your cheeks and you’ve fawned enough over Micheal and Rafael’s love triangle, you let Jisoo ramble. 

Jisoo has downed a whole bottle of soju on her own, while you’ve decided to have a tasteful glass of wine. You’d rather be tired wine drunk than wasted on soju. 

“Jungkook and I had a fight,” she warbles, stuffing a handful of popcorn in her mouth, “it was totally stupid.” 

Your eyes flash, picturing Jisoo and Jungkook in quarrel. They’re the epitome of an Instagram-worthy couple, beautiful and deathly charming to a fault. They show nothing but kindness and sweetness to you whenever you third-wheel, not a lick of anger between them when you’re all together.

So a fight is something surprising. Jisoo and Jungkook, J-squared are a power couple. Saying their names next to each other just emits a sort of energy you can only akin to famous small screen couples like Troy and Gabriella or Cory and Topanga. Jisoo’s Instagram is belly full with sweet selfies of them together, the doe-eyed man always looking completely sweet and gentle to the woman in his arms.

You never piqued Jungkook as the type of guy who would pick a “stupid fight.” And you know Jungkook pretty well. 

Maybe a little too well. 

“He surprised me during my lunch break and he caught me talking to Doyoung and he thought I was flirting,” Jisoo is practically eating her sweater, her head falling between her flannel pyjama sleeves. 

“Doyoung, as in your ex Doyoung?” you raise a brow. 

She groans, glaring at you in earnest. “Not you, too! I told him it was ridiculous to get jealous, and then I told him how jealous I get when he’s around girls and I don’t need to tell him that,” she rolls her eyes, twisting her feet petulantly in her fuzzy socks, “but then you know what he says back?” 

You wince, swirling your wine glass, “That you’re crazy?” 

“That I’m crazy, exactly! How did you—” her bloodshot eyes zero in on you, where you’ve tucked yourself in the corner of the couch. You swirl the ruby liquid in your cup, watching the feet web around the cheap crystal, “you think I’m crazy too, don’t you?” 

You swallow your sigh, taking your time to finish your liquid in languid sips. Uneasy, you wish you could just sink through the couch in order to avoid this conversation. Jisoo’s heart is generally in the right direction, but in terms of emotions she has the kind of sensitivity that you prefer to ignore rather than tread. Jungkook is also equally emotional, but in a different way. He wears his heart on his sleeve, preferring to keep things straight as opposed to bottling it up like Jisoo. 

However the theoretic bottle has reached it’s brim and Jisoo’s tipping, fast. 

“I need to tell you something,” Jisoo is swerving, crawling like an infant on wobbly limbs to reach your corner of the couch. You almost stop her, tell her you can continue this conversation in the morning, it’s what you normally do when she drinks into a stupor. But tears are swimming in her glassy caramel eyes and she’s grappling onto your blanket, resting her head in her lap. 

Her glossy russet strands curtain her head, so you don’t see the expression on her face when she says her next words: 

“Jungkook told me he liked you senior year, and I told him you weren’t interested so I’d have a chance.” 

Wow. So that explains everything.

The memories that you’ve tried so hard to brush away, the feelings you’ve tried so hard and continue to try to suppress, are laid out in front of you on a rusted platter. You could laugh, you could fling the rest of the Pinot Grigio down your throat like fresh water on a hot day and call it a night. 

But instead you choke back your tears, and push her off because you’re hurt.  

Deep down you know you would’ve been less upset if she told you the week after Jisoo and Jungkook called it official. If you knew from the beginning, it would’ve been easier on your heart. But it's been over two years since the past, thinking you’ve been needlessly, stupidly, delusional in thinking that you could’ve possibly had a chance with Jungkook.

Because it could’ve been you. And the reason why Jisoo and Jungkook fought today? Now you know it’s because deep down, they know they’re each other’s second choice. 

You can’t even recall a time where Jungkook and Jisoo were together alone before they suddenly started dating, remembering how it used to be you and Jungkook before Jisoo found him one day in your shared apartment, utterly smitten. And now you know you weren’t delusional, because the feelings and the signals you two were exchanging in senior year was real. 

But it doesn’t stop the fact that over two years have passed. Two years of a serious relationship between Jisoo and Jungkook, and two years of you secretly loving him from an arm’s length. 

“You hate me,” Jisoo removes herself from you, voice trembling. The quick, dark part of your mind wants you to snap back of course I hate you. You’ve trusted Jisoo with your life all these years, she was the reason you got through college so gracefully, why you enjoyed the past seven years of your life. 

But the sentiment is stained, and all you can do is deliver a tired smile and stand up. “I don’t hate you,” you say, “I’m just, really overwhelmed. I can’t lie and say that I’m not hurt,” your fingers clutch the fake crystal in your grasp, and for once you’re thankful you’re not strong enough to break it, “but you two love each other now and there’s no point in dwelling in the ‘what-ifs’.” 

Now that you think about it, when was the last time Jisoo treated you like a best friend? You stare at your wine glass, thinking that the only time comfort is provided in this apartment is when Jisoo is upset, never when you’re upset. 

Jisoo bobs her head senselessly, agreeing to every word. It’s pathetic, seeing her on her knees and her eyes glimmering with the hope that you’d forgive her straightaway. She must feel awful. That’s good.  

You sigh, needing to be the bigger person. “You need to call Jungkook and tell him he has nothing to worry about though, after all, you two have history now. As much, if not more than Doyoung.” 

“Right,” she replies, biting her lip. It suddenly feels like you're talking to a wall, carrying a conversation that's long ended.

“As for us,” you have half a mind to slam your glass on the counter, but instead you give it a heavy hand, letting slowly thump to the coffee table, “I don’t think I want to see you two, for a while.” 

“Understandable.” 

“And I don’t want to help you move out anymore,” I just want you gone.  

“Right,” she whispers. The both of you will be completed with your lease in two months, and Jisoo and Jungkook have decided to move into Jungkook’s apartment. As for you, you haven’t decided as to whether you want to go through the whole process of moving out or looking for a new roommate. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so so fucking sorry. I just was insecure as fuck in college and Jungkook was the first person I met in a long time that helped me feel more… like me.”

You want to say that she's right, she’s selfish. Her excuses aren’t palpable anymore. It’s too late. But if you were in Jisoo’s shoes, you’d think this apology is mere crumbs in comparison to your friendship. Why isn't she trying harder? Maybe because she doesn't know any better. After all, you never told her what you felt for him has morphed into love. 

You don’t even have to ask as to whether she’ll tell Jungkook this or not, you now know honesty is not her style. 

Jisoo doesn’t get a goodnight and a drunken kiss on the forehead like she usually does whenever you two have your late night talks. Instead, she seals herself to her own demise as you slam the door to your bedroom, effectively shutting each other out. 

Work is a bitch the following morning. You’re like molasses, rolling out of bed despite the whole world and its mother telling you to go back to sleep. 

Your feet are killing you as you make your walk to work, deciding to wear a pair of red-backed heels so you can stomp your way through your day. 

Your Wusband (Work-Husband) Kim Namjoon matches you step-for-step, eyes glued to his phone as he catches you on the sidewalk. “Woman on a mission,” he comments absentmindedly, eyes glued to his phone as he follows the click of your shoes to your favorite cafe. 

You spare a glance to your right hand-man, eyeing him appreciatively at his dedication to your morning routine. He’s your favorite co-worker, one who keeps you on time to your meetings and keeps you sane when you want to pull your hair out and dig out a coffin in your little cubicle. Namjoon’s long legs always seem to catch up with you during your workweek, whether it’s to get coffee in the morning or to talk shit about the latest gossip in the breakroom. 

The bell of the glass door tinkles in your ears as you enter the café, relatively busy for the morning rush. While you wait in line, Namjoon ticks off your activity list for today. 

“Meeting with Victoria is cancelled this morning,” you groan in relief, your supervisor Victoria always scares the shit out of you even when she’s not doing anything, “and just the usual proofing and whatever we have to do on the third floor today—can I get a large iced Americano with a pump of caramel? Thanks,” Namjoon moves aside so you can throw your order in as well, “and after work could you stop by Vernon’s? He took a sick day today and he has most of the manuscripts for the next issue.” 

“Done and done,” you swipe your card in the dip, tucking your card away in your zippered pouch. “So like, do Americanos taste any good? Like it’s literally watered down espresso how do you pay to drink watered down tar—” 

Jungkook’s at the pick-up counter. Jungkook’s at the pick-up counter swirling stray sugar crystals with his thumb and putting them in his napkin. What an impeccable display of Virgo energy, absentmindedly cleaning things he has no business doing. You scoff to yourself, recalling this morning that Jisoo got off the phone this morning with a stupid smile on her face. From the mirror image that Jungkook is excluding while he’s smiling on his cellphone like a smitten teenager, it seems like they’ve made up. 

Nevertheless the hurt from last night is still fresh in your bones, and you force yourself to look away despite the fact that your morning pick-me-ups are almost done and are sitting tauntingly next to Jungkook’s elbow. Does he really need to learn against the counter like he owns it? Hair slightly damp from the shower, your heart beats a little faster at the fresh image.His biceps are straining against his charcoal lycra long sleeve, which is slightly damp from his morning run. Snap out of it! You are a mature, working woman who does not swoon in the view of bulgy muscles, especially when the man who owns those muscles is taken. Suddenly there’s a call of your name, and two cups and a paper bag are put in front of Jungkook. 

He blinks, and you immediately pale when you see his eyes flit over your name surrounded by your favorite coral pink beverage. You feel struck as his head perks up at the name and he narrowly makes eye-contact—

“The fuck you’re doing,” Namjoon gripes, shoving your guava iced tea and croissant in your chest, “standing there like a moron as if we don’t got shit to do today.” 

“Sorry,” you mumble, pulling at the brown paper bag to tug a piece of croissant between your teeth. The warmth, buttery pastry melts in your tastebuds. Ah, bread. Nothing like a little bit of carb to make you feel better. 

You’re suddenly thankful for Namjoon’s gargantuan torso from effectively blocking you from Jungkook, hauling you out of the coffee shop like a petulant toddler. He doesn’t even give you a chance to catch another secret look at the object of your affections, making sure you’re back in your work game before you enter the building. Even if he doesn’t know it, Kim Namjoon’s always got your back. 

Or in today’s case, breathing down your back. 

Without your third editor and a hard deadline coming up by the end of the week, you and Namjoon are working in tandem throughout your 9-5 to complete drafts for Big Hit Publishings Arts & Media section. Both of you take turns to bring snacks and feed each other, feeling like reading zombies and slaves to your desk as you remind each other to breathe throughout the whole ordeal. 

In complete honesty you don’t totally mind. Namjoon is a great partner-in-crime, and you both love what you do and do a damn good job at it. You call it “Buzzfeed but with Benefits.” 

And at least for today, you could quell the feelings in your chest from last night and this morning. Sure, you’ve always been okay with the pining you’ve had for Jungkook. The feeling comes and goes whenever it pleases, and since yesterday you’ve been okay with just admiring from afar and being their third wheel. 

However, now the feelings are acutely comparable to a third-degree burn with the help of Jisoo playing with fire. 

With a quiet exhale, you concede in your gaming chair (because it’s just so damn comfy to keep in the office.) You’re an adult and not a petty child, and you will not let this piece of information derail you from your calm, stable lifestyle. 

But honestly? Fuck Jisoo. 

“Let’s go, buckaroo,” Namjoon logs off for you, the cinnamon-y smell of his shampoo effectively waking up your senses, “it’s already 5:30. And you said you’d stop by Vern’s to get his drafts.” 

“Right,” you blurt, mindlessly putting away your papers and snack wrappers in your bag. You can’t believe the whole day’s gone already. 

“Maybe you don’t even have to go to his apartment. Just text him or whatever.” 

“Sounds good, thanks Joonie.” 

“And y/n?” Namjoon gives you a look that causes you to force a terse smile, one you give one too many times to higher-ups at work. It isn’t to insult Namjoon by any means, but you guys are partners, the kind that tell way too much but hide just enough to remain close from afar. “Take it easy, will you?” 

“I will,” you concede, stretching your arms, “I’m def overdue for a massage.” 

“You don’t look sick,” you scoff, taking in the casual look your co-editor boasts as he leans casually against the doorway. 

Hansol Vernon Chwe is the epitome of fluffy, decked out in large electric blue sweats and his russet brown hair curling softly above his porcelain skin. Not only is he your co-editor, but also a friend from college. Not to the extent that you were with Jisoo and Jungkook, but you operated in the same publishing club and managed to get partnering internships that made you the co-workers you are today. You see a little bit of that collegiate youth in Vernon right now, as he looks well-rested and fresh faced despite the fact he probably didn’t apply moisturizer or drink enough water today.

“But you kinda do,” he tilts his head, noting the heels that adorn your feet, “you’re wearing your sexy shoes today, that means something’s going on.” 

“Gee, ever the ladies’ man,” you scoff, getting under his arm to invite yourself inside, “all I want is the completed interviews so we can pick out the best parts and draft them. Then I’ll be on my merry way.” 

“Oh c’mon, we’ve been talking nothing but work this whole damn month. What happened to college when we’d talk hours about House Hunters, the safeness of library sex, that little furry thing in Lincoln Hall’s urinal? That was prime conversation.” 

“Vern, I’m just here for the drafts,” you sit at his tiny kitchen table, glaring at his open laptop.  

“You could’ve just emailed me,” he teases, twisting around his chair so he can rest his arms against the back. “But since you’re here, that means you probably wanna spill some tea but you’re too upset to admit it.” 

“If I talk will you stop talking like that?” 

“Yes. Give me the juicy details. Need some juicy juice.” 

“Nevermind, get out of my apartment.” 

“Uh, this is my apartment.” 

“My point still stands,” you make another face at his outfit, “you look like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.”  

Vernon purses his lips, scooting his chair closer to yours. He’s unfazed by your insult, far used to your defenses being higher up than Fort Knox. He looks up at you with his pretty lashes and deceivingly sweet caramel eyes, leaning his head along the backrest. “C’mon, tell me what’s bothering you,” he says in a gentle tone, coaxing you open. 

He always knew how to do it for you, a little bit of sweet talking and that clear open gaze always reduced you to shreds in university. For him, it always took a good meal and some sci-fi movies to get him to talk. That must be why you’ve stayed friends for so long, you two knew how to connect. 

Finally you crack, kicking off your shoes and hoping the sharp end doesn’t land on his cat. You hear Luna meow in protest but she’s got great reflexes. Unbuttoning the first three buttons of your stuffy blazer, you air out your cleavage, not caring about Vernon’s gaze. He’s seen worse. 

“Remember Jeon Jungkook? Majored in graphic design.”

“Ah, yeah. The guy who like, lived at the gym and the dining hall? Haven’t seen him in a minute,” his eyes seem to glaze over the glory days, reminiscing in the simultaneous safetynet and stressor that made up your early twenties, “didn’t you guys hit it off real well? Like I remember you ditched like—three sci-fi nights to study with him. Who even studies at 1AM?” 

“Yeah, we did,” and you can’t help but frown at as you remember the 7-Eleven runs, the utter warmth you felt when he would wipe a stray rice grain off your cheek, and how happy you felt to laugh so much with him it hurt, “but uh. Jisoo got drunk last night, because they had a fight. And she sort of admitted to me that she sabotaged our relationship and told Jungkook I wasn’t interested in him so they could start dating. Two years later and here we are.” 

A pause. And then, “Want a beer?” 

Vernon doesn’t even wait for a response when he gets up, bare feet slapping against the tile as he prepares some drinks and snacks for you. 

“That’s pretty fucked up,” he practically sing-songs among the cacophony of popcorn pop-pop-popping in the microwave. The aroma of buttery kernels is all but a relief, reminding you of movie matinees, “and like, she knew you liked him! It was totally obvious, even if you didn’t spell it out for her.” 

“Yeah,” you practically gushed to Jisoo those past two months, every waking moment with heart-eyes over the talented graphic designer Jeon Jungkook. 

“I can’t believe Jisoo would keep that a secret from you for so long. Like, can you even trust her anymore?” 

“Don’t know, was she even my bestfriend or was I just a good roommate to her?” you ask. Vernon is holding two beers in one hand and a bag of popcorn by the tips of his fingers in the other, careful to not burn himself. Opening the beer for you, you thank him and take a long swig.

“Well, good thing you’re still not in love with him or whatever. That would really suck. Unless—”

The look on your face says it all. You’re practically snotting into your bottle, your face tucked into your chin as you fight hard to stop the tears you’ve been suppressing for the last two years. “Don’t give me your pity,” you garble, turning away from the sad look Vernon gives you as he wraps his arms around you. 

The tears are soft and gentle, flowing freely onto the cotton of Vernon’s arms as you let it out. 

“‘M’not,” he concedes, rubbing his chin into your neck. He really is a lot like Luna, just like his  cat ready to give you affection. “Let’s just, get some take-out and watch Hamilton or something.” 

He lets you wear his matching sweat suit, lime green, as you order Thai food and rap along to Hamilton’s sick beats. Vernon does a better job keeping the flow, but you’re having a good time being his hype man as he parades around the living room like it’s 1776. 

You go home that night around ten o’clock, feeling noticeably lighter and more relaxed. Be that it may you are still wearing the sweatpants and heels ensemble, you feel comforted. 

The apartment is quiet when you walk in, not a single light turned on. You get a slice of the city lights bleeding in from the organza curtains, which allow you to kick off your heels and hobble to where you think the kitchen counter is. 

Today is Jisoo’s day to cook dinner. You can tell she decided to cook today from the faint smell of Japanese curry and a small unwashed plate in the sink. Whenever it was someone’s turn, they usually left an extra bowl or serving in it for the other roommate when they got home. Unsurprisingly, you find no such thing on the counter or in the fridge. 

You’re not upset, but rather decided. If Jisoo is going to let your friendship fade off with no intention of redeeming herself, then you should give her the same amount of energy back. You realize now the apology she gave last night wasn’t for you, but empty words to make her feel better and mend whatever toxicity she’s created in her own relationships. People like Namjoon and Vernon reminded you that you didn’t need to try and earn other people’s friendships. 

It’s disappointing, but the feeling is all but too familiar. 

If you could describe Jisoo as anything, it would be the color pink. Blushing, beautiful, beguiling pink. The way she flushes when Jungkook does an uncalled for grandiose gesture of romance, or when she wears a hot magenta number when she’s hosting a fashion show. Jisoo is the personification of La vie en rose, unbothered and unabashed.  

But now all you see when you think of Jisoo? Nothing but red. 

With that, you go in your room and untack the polaroid of you and Jisoo at the carnival last month, putting it away in your junk drawer to be forgotten. 

“You’re running away.” 

“Am not.” 

“Are too,” that interjection comes from Vernon’s roommate, Jung Hoseok. He’s been watching you two bicker over work for the past hour while he plays GTA5, failing to get a good hard carry because you and Vernon are too busy discussing whatever finishing touches you need on your final draft. 

“No one asked for your opinion, Jung,” you throw over your shoulder. 

“I’m just saying,” Hoseok flicks his wrist and nabs a tank, “you never wanna go home, you eat all our food, and I found your pyjamas in my laundry basket.” 

“You said your basket was the blue one,” you hiss under your breath. 

“The navy blue one,” Vernon chirps unhelpfully, “not the electric blue one.” 

Hoseok hits “save” on his campaign, disconnecting from his PS4 and stretching his lean limbs. “I mean, we could use a third roommate,” Hoseok jokes, getting up from the couch and grabbing a handful of M&Ms from your bowl, “you do make a bomb mac n’cheese.” 

“Appreciated,” you relent when Hoseok presses a kiss to your cheek and tells Vernon he’ll be back late working, leaving you and Vernon alone in their shared apartment. When Hoseok is gone, you stare at the door, tilting your head, “y’know,” you remark, “Hoseok’s a cool guy, why did I never hang out with him in college?” 

“Because he was stoned the majority of senior year and you just didn’t vibe with that crowd.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“But, you’re trying to change the subject,” Vernon carefully untacks your hands from your keyboard, knowing that you two have already been done with this month's issue and you’re now just mindlessly re-reading emails. “You’ve been here since Thursday, and now it’s Saturday. And as much as Hoseok and I like having you around so you can wake me up before we go to work, it’d be nice to throw me a bone and let me in on what you’re thinking right now.” 

You frown, noting Vernon’s large hand covering your laptop closed. He isn’t going to remove his hand anytime soon unless you talk. “Jungkook’s helping Jisoo pack up her half of the apartment this weekend and I don’t want to be there,” you say, short and simple. 

“You miss her?” 

“Yeah,” you admit honestly. You hate this version of yourself, unable to even look at Jisoo nowadays despite the fact you’re under the same roof for the remainder of the month. It’s hard to believe that the roommate from six years ago finally got under your skin, cancelling out all the years of friendship because of one silly relationship, “sad she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.” 

“Did you talk about it?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you reply despondently, “if she cared at all she would’ve to apologize again by now.”

Vernon figures, and his neutral expression doesn’t change as he leads you to the couch, brushing away Hoseok’s things so you two can get comfy. You busy yourself with the remote, exiting the PS4 homepage to scroll Netflix. 

“And are you trying to get over him?” 

“I mean, yeah,” you have been, but it’s a little hard when you’ve been contentedly pining. It was easy to keep your feelings bottled up because you originally thought Jisoo and Jungkook were meant to be for each other for the past two years. Now you're still pining but ruefully bitter at Jisoo.

“It’s not fair, y’know. She broke girl code, bros before hoes. Or is it chicks before dicks?” Vernon shakes his head at his lame attempt to get you to smile, which works anyway because Vernon’s silly and his sense of humor always gets you a little loose. “It’s your house too, you shouldn’t feel like you don’t belong there.” 

“Well I was supposed to help her move out this weekend, and I’d prefer it if Jungkook didn’t know what was going on.” 

“What?” your friend furrows his thick brows together, tucking his hands under his knees as he leans into your stubborn expression. “You’re gonna let Jungkook go on with his life not knowing that his relationship is based on a lie. That’s not cool. Even if you’re into him, he’s still your friend.” 

Damn, when did Vernon get so good at giving advice? Truth is Vernon’s always been good at dishing advice, you’ve just been privy to what you wanted to reveal to him. The first year or so being together outside of college was always about work, saving each other’s asses to ensure you two got that promotion and aim higher and higher. Now that goal is out of the way, and what better way to reconnect over some shoddy romance straight out of a Degrassi special? 

“I know,” you hug your knees tight to your chest, “when I’m ready, okay?” 

“Okay,” he agrees, because he’s not a pusher, “do you know the best way to get over someone?” 

“What?” 

“The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone," he emphasizes that point with his hands, sliding one under the other with a wiggle of his thick brows.

You slap him on the shoulder, “Vern, you disgust me.” 

“But it works!” 

“I’m not going on Tinder to find a fuckbuddy.” 

“You don’t have to look on Tinder or Tumble.” 

“Bumble.” 

“Whatever,” and his eyes flicker to his lap, where his pale fingertips turn red as he grips the edge of a throw pillow. "If you really don't wanna find someone, I can help." 

Is Vernon offering himself up? He is offering to fuck your brains out in the hope that you could inevitably fuck out your interest in Jungkook? Your eyes flicker over to Vernon's form on the couch, who's tucked in the couch just as you are. 

It’s true that you find Vernon attractive, and to some extent he definitely finds you attractive as well otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested the idea. It’s just that in college you never viewed him in that kind of light, probably because you were always so caught up in Jungkook. But tonight you can’t seem to ignore the eagerness hidden in Vernon’s carmine gaze, and how shiny and touchable his chocolate locks look under the setting sun. 

“I don’t want our friendship to change,” you reply slowly, furrowing your brows. “I appreciate it, but I don’t know. It sounds like a temporary fix.” 

“Can’t knock it if you don’t try it,” and out of curiosity, you don’t shy away when Vernon leans over to you, squeezing himself between the couch so he can tuck you in his arms. “I want to help you, but only if you want to.” 

Maybe it’s the frustration you feel with Jisoo, Jungkook’s ignorance, or the fact that you haven’t felt physical pleasure in such a long time, but you soften into Vernon’s hold. He’s relaxed, nothing betraying him as he waits patiently for your answer. You’ve always admired how much he kept up his “cool as a cucumber” demeanor. He isn’t the type of guy to let life pass him by, but he’s the kind of person who walks along life, embracing the ups and downs like old friends. He’s the ocean waves that crest along the shore, pushing and pulling along without a care in the world. 

He’s the textbook opposite of Jeon Jungkook, which is why you give Vernon the okay to lean in and press his lips against yours. 

His kisses are soft, and he takes great care in making sure you’re comfortable with this new step in your relationship. It almost feels as if you’re cutting corners, and you can’t help but feel a little guilty that you revel in the way Vernon’s hands trail under your too-large t-shirt. 

The pleasure you’ve ached for is there, bubbling low in the pit of your belly. It’s hard to get you out of your mind however, because this man isn’t the one you love. His kisses hold no power, only brief reprieve. Your heart doesn’t palpitate and your palms don’t sweat, you’re just languid. 

You’re greedy and selfish, but you remind yourself that it’s okay to allow yourself of these freedoms, even for a little bit. As Vernon finds your sweet spot that has you rolling your hips against his, you find that temporary fix isn’t a bad start at all. 

When you trudge back to your apartment that night after much reluctance, your face is still flushed and you think you smell a little too much like Vernon’s cologne. But the fact that still stands is that you're satiated, and you feel a tiny percent closer to moving on. 

The television is glowing with a terrible reality TV show, angry brides upset over cake layers or whatever. Jungkook and Jisoo have fallen asleep on the couch, surrounded by half-empty boxes. Jungkook has his arm lazily over Jisoo, her petite body fitting perfectly between his chest and the crook of his neck. 

You scoff when you spy Jisoo's bedazzled manicure digging into Jungkook's bicep, as if someone's going to take him away if she doesn't hold tight.

With stiff muscles you spare one look at Jungkook, ignoring the pang in your chest as you weave between boxes to turn the TV off. Barely an iota of your feelings have dissipated since your previous tryst with Vernon not an hour ago. Looking at Jungkook brings it all back, unfortunately. You suppose the feelings will pass with time. The soft hum of the television ceases, and you’re bathed in a room that feels dark and empty, despite the apparent life in the room. 

There’s some bleary talk coming from the couch as you walk to your bedroom, and if Jungkook is sleepily mumbling your name in question, you pretend you don’t hear. 

“So, where’s y/n? I thought she was going to help us pack.” 

It’s an innocent enough question, as Jungkook scans the corner of the living room hallway that leads to the bedrooms. You haven’t come out yet. He knows that you love sleeping in on the weekends, but he hopes the smell of fresh food will coax you to the table. His pan is sizzling in protest, telling Jungkook to quit talking and flip the hashbrowns. He's fried up three, in the hopes you’d be up for some crispy potatoes. He knows how much you love potatoes, especially at 2AM when you’re craving fries and a McFlurry combo. 

Instead Jisoo mutters, “You toasted too much bread, you know I don’t eat bread like this,” she’s pulling slice by slice out of the toaster, until there’s a stack of six golden toasts in the middle of the kitchen table. 

A little part of him wishes to quell the precursor to the argument there. It would be so easy for Jungkook to say, “the extras are for me” because he’s trying to gain weight, and that would be that. 

Instead he continues with his unanswered question and replies honestly, “I made extra toast for y/n, babe. She was supposed to help us pack but I haven’t seen her all weekend.” But he’s pretty sure you came home last night, unless that was his imagination. 

Jisoo pulls a carafé of apple juice out of the fridge, pouring the amber liquid into two glass cups. “Ah, she said she had some last minute things to do for work. Y’know, Big Hit always wants a big hit.” 

He chuckles, tilting his head as Jisoo gives him a small smile from the kitchen table. Jisoo is always good at cheesy jokes. “She must love her job, huh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Her articles are really good, too,” the air smells like butter and Italian seasoning, as he places one hash brown on Jisoo’s plate, and two on his. He knows you edit in the Arts & Media section, and loves how you make it a point to include video games and modern graphics when it’s deemed appropriate. “She did a piece on the evolution of RPG and I thought her commentary was really spot-on.” 

He brings breakfast over to the table, while Jisoo places two slices of toast on his plate, one buttered and one with strawberry preserves. Breakfast is a quiet, but peaceful affair. Jungkook takes note of how Jisoo takes extra long to complete her meal, her fork creating ribbons in her little blob of magenta jam. He allows himself to complete his first hashbrown and a slice of toast before asking the difficult question. 

“Are you and y/n okay?” and he also takes note when Jisoo’s ministrations on her jelly stop, as she looks up at him with her big brown eyes. 

“We’re fine,” she insists, “just normal roommate issues, I promise.” 

“Maybe I should text y/n,” Jungkook says, pulling out his phone. “Lemme help you fix this, wouldn’t want you and her in a bad place when you’re about to move out.” 

“Baby, why are you so concerned about y/n?” Jisoo croons while his thumb hovers over your contact, his screen showing a two-year old selfie you two took during a study session early on in your friendship. He can’t remember the last time you two took a picture together out of spite, one without Jisoo. Jisoo’s hand pulls him away from his phone, rubbing small circles between his palm. 

He wants to ask, why aren’t you? But he sees the terseness in Jisoo’s smile, as her eyes fix between the interlocked fingers. He has a feeling he’s hovering somewhere he isn’t allowed to be in. Maybe it really is roommate stuff and it’s none of his business, but he feels a little insulted being left out because you and Jungkook are just as much best friends as you were in college. 

Or are you? 

This question plagues him throughout the day, and when Jungkook packs enough boxes for the weekend and says he needs to go home, Jisoo for once doesn’t argue. Normally Jisoo would cling to him like a koala, murmur simultaneously adorable and dirty things in his ear and lead him to her bedroom to coop up for hours on end. But Jisoo says she’s tired and needs some alone time, which is also fine. 

He doesn’t feel like going home, and instead heads straight to the gym. A couple pumps wouldn’t hurt, and it would clear his head. It’s nearly five in the evening when his body is thrumming with the afterglow of his post-workout, and he decides to take a little cool down in the mall and treat himself to a smoothie. 

It must be kismet when he sees you coming out of the bookstore, looking a little winded but no less professional in your beige blazer set and rose gold iPad. Whenever he hung around your apartment with Jisoo and you’d come home from work, he’d make it a point to acknowledge your plethora of multicolored skirt-suits. He never needs to be professional in his place of work, and admires how much effort you put in. 

“Hey!” he jogs up to you, and he catches the way your shoulders jump at his voice. “We missed you today.”

Your smile curls into something dry, and you twist your spine like rusty hinges to face him. In turn, his smile dims a little, wondering if he’s doing something wrong. Maybe you’re tired? He catches the line of sweat that glistens your baby hairs, and how your hair is done up but has fallen a few centimeters with some pieces falling out. 

“Jungkook,” you exhale, “lifting boxes wasn’t enough of a workout?” 

“You know me,” he replies stiffly, hiking his backpack higher upon his shoulder. Why does this conversation feel so awkward? “So, finishing up work? Sucks you have to work on a Sunday.” 

“Ah, it wasn’t so bad,” you face relaxes a little as you explain your work, “it was children’s day at the bookstore and they were watching Disney movies. I’m writing a piece on how I believe Ratatouille is Pixar’s magnum opus. Interviewed some kids, I wanted an expert opinion.”  

“Ratatouille is the superior film,” he declares with a firm nod, “after all, anyone can cook.” He revels in the small smile he manages to retrieve from you, immediately understanding the inside joke. If he came out of the gym five minutes earlier, he probably would’ve been able to catch you in the bookstore. What a shame, he would’ve loved to see you play around with the kids. 

At the mention of food, the mall manages to silence itself enough for him to catch the grumbling coming from your stomach. He laughs when your cheeks heat. 

“I was on my way to get some smoothies,” he jabs a thumb in the direction of the food court, “wanna catch up and get a bite?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, I have a lot of work to edit,” disappointment pangs in his chest at your easy rejection, but he ignores it, “I kinda wanna save some money too, still not sure if I’m staying in the apartment after Jisoo moves.” 

He doesn’t know what compels him to take your shoulders and wheel you in the direction of the food court, much to your protest and whines. “C’mon, explain to me why Ratatouille is the magnum opus—I need to defend why The Incredibles is superior. I’ll treat you to dinner.” 

“What? I can pay for my own food—” 

“And I can’t treat my best friend to a nice meal once in a while?” 

That has you stopping in your tracks, and Jungkook nearly barrels his chest into your head if not for the grippy soles of his Adidas Ultraboosts. He can’t see your face, but his hands note how your muscles cord tightly between the cotton of your blazer. 

He doesn’t understand why you’re so tense. Was it because he called you his best friend? Well, you are? At one point he felt that way, early on in college. The position just stuck with you. And when Jisoo told him you weren’t interested, he was perfectly fine with the platonic relationship. It was nice to have someone to talk media and video games to, someone not as chaotic as Jimin and someone not as deterred as Yoongi. 

Although, maybe as of late he hasn’t been so much of a friend. It’s no one’s fault, he’s been caught up with work and Jisoo’s move, he hasn’t said so much as a “hey how are you” when you’re around. He can’t blame you. 

Suddenly his mind blanks, the mall fading away as he focuses on how small you look as your eyes dart between the parking lot and the food court. Jisoo and Jungkook have been so caught up on each other lately, that he fears you’re starting to separate yourself.

“Um, this place is good,” you tug him by the elbow and lead him to a fast food joint. 

When he picks up both your orders and comes over to your saved table, you’re talking animatedly on the phone. You’re laughing, looking at Jungkook as if he’s the one intruding and you’re muttering a hushed “sorry” as you continue the tail end of the conversation. 

“Yes, Joonie. Go with section two, I know my shit. I’m your Work Wife for a reason, Umji in PR could never compare,” you’re giggling like you’re five years younger, and Jungkook feels stuck in a timelapse. 

He watches you go, throwing around names and terms that he’s so lost on but so desperate to understand. He knows nothing about your life other than the one that’s tied with Jisoo, which is a damn shame. Since when did he inevitably downgrade you from “best friend” to “his girlfriend’s roommate?” 

“I’m sorry,” you turn your phone over and push it to the side, giving Jungkook a smile as well, albeit weaker, “let’s dig in!” 

To his relief the dinner goes as good as it should be. You have your tray practically overflowing at the seams, all on Jungkook’s dime. It has his heart swelling with pride, he hasn’t seen you eat in a long time. There’s fries spilling out from the corners, and two sandwiches because you couldn’t decide between a chicken sandwich and a burger. 

Food gets you amicable, and he doesn’t mind when he does most of the talking. You’re engrossed in his talk, lettuce hanging out of your mouth as you’re rapt with attention as he recalls a story that happened at work recently with Mingyu. You ask questions in all the right places and he sucks up all your attention like a happy pill, and it feels nice to be able to lead a conversation for once. 

“Jeez, I’m getting the burger sweats,” you giggle to yourself, and his smile brightens at your positive change in attitude. Food always helps. 

When you remove your thick high-collar blazer, that’s when he sees it. 

“Seeing someone?” he asks, eyes flickering curiously towards the violet bruises that bloom across your neck. 

“What–oh,” you have the audacity to look embarrassed, hands clutching your neck like a shield, “no, just a hookup.” 

A messy hookup, too. Unless you had a thing for showing off marks, which doesn’t seem to be the case. “Didn’t peg you for someone who hooks up,” he says more to himself than you, but you catch him on his impulse jab. 

Your eyes narrow and your defenses go up, “I’m trying to get over someone,” you snip back, busying your hands by crushing up your greasy sandwich wrappers. 

“Am I allowed to state my opinion?” 

“Since you asked so politely, no.” 

He sighs, “I just don’t think that’s the best way to get over someone,” heck, Jungkook doesn’t even know who exactly you’re trying to get over. He just knows that you’re far too smart and independent to let yourself resort to such matters. 

“It isn’t, but it’s really the best option as of now,” you reply curtly. 

And his gaze saddens as he sees you fold your blazer over your arm, indicating that your time is up. Jungkook is aware the comment he made is out of line, and it weakens him knowing that you don’t even want to pick a fight with him. He can’t even find it in himself to apologize properly. 

He doesn’t know if he’s more sad that you’re pining over someone unattainable or upset at himself for not knowing you’ve been harboring feelings for someone. If you really think hooking up is your only option, you must be really hung about whoever you’re into as of late. 

“If it’s worth anything,” Jungkook adds, wanting to leave on a high note, “fuck that guy. He clearly doesn’t deserve you.” 

A small, secret smile plays on your lips, “Yeah, I like to believe that.” 

“I’m anxious,” Namjoon’s mantra makes the whole energy in the room wobbly, paired with the fact the two of you are squished between cardboard boxes as Jungkook aimlessly moves things around like a Tetris screen. 

The only time you feel remotely comfortable basking in your home is when Jisoo is gone. Oh-so conveniently is the Big Hit building undergoing maintenance today, so you and Namjoon have decided to work from home in your apartment. Although you thought by now that Jisoo’s boxes would be long gone and tucked away in Jungkook’s place, instead you’re living in an episode of Ed, Edd and Eddy and the cardboard is practically wall-to-wall. You also thought by now that Jungkook would have no reason to show up unannounced anymore, but apparently that’s not the case. 

“I have, anxiety,” Namjoon adjusts his glasses for the nth time this afternoon, brain not fixed enough to focus on the screen of his chrome MacBook, “anxiety, anxiety. I can’t right now. I need my weighted blanket and a pillow.” 

“Namjoon, I can get both of those for you if we just send in this last spread,” you coo gently, as if placating a baby. You make brief eye contact with Jungkook from the other side of the room, his lips quirking in amusement as he stacks a box of clothes by the kitchen. 

“Do you feel my palms? My palms, they’re like a fucking fountain you need to feel them—” your Wusband approaches you like a zombie, leaning over you and tripping over his criss-crossed legs before he topples over you. 

“Blegh, get off of me you sweat giant!” you cry with a good-natured laugh, although the grip of Namjoon’s palms under your shoulders are damp and slimy, “Joon, I can’t get you your blanket if you’re crushing my boobs.” 

Namjoon finally relents, untacking himself to rest his chin on your glass coffee table. “Fine.” 

“Look over the last column and I’ll bring your blanket, okay?” 

Pushing yourself off the ground, you shuffle your way out of the living room through the maze of boxes and into the hallway. It feels like your apartment is less of an apartment and more of a storage space when you’re trapped in-between two lines of boxes, and Jungkook effectively blocking you from entering your room. He was just in the living room but now he’s come from the linen closet, standing between the entrance of your room. 

“Sorry,” he pops his head out from a smaller box, one filled with designer costume jewelry. 

“It’s fine,” you chirp, barely making eye contact as you shuffle over the boxes. 

Your toe drags over the lid of one of the open boxes in an attempt to move diagonally. You nearly crash your face into the hardwood if not for Jungkook’s arm stretching out to catch you. In seconds he manages to catch all your weight in one hand, pulling you to him with your hip pressed against his. Your breath traps itself in your neck. Your subconscious fears that if you speak now, you’ll babble about how attractive it is that he’s able to catch you as easily as grabbing a light sheet of paper. 

“Careful,” his voice rumbles in his throat as he regards you with a wan smile. 

Your “thanks” is barely uttered as you slip into your room, heaving your weighted blanket and a pillow in your arms to let Namjoon borrow. 

The burgundy quilted fabric is hunched over your shoulder, draped around your body so it’s easier for you to carry on your back. You try to eradicate the memory of Jungkook’s arms, lean and strong as he held you to him moments before.

Ugh, you thought messing around with Vernon would stop your silly pining. It seems that it’ll take more than a couple rounds to satiate your curiosity. For such a kind guy, Jungkook seems like a wolf in sheep’s clothing when it comes to the bedroom. 

You can imagine him being so kind in the beginning, coaxing you to wan and bend to his every wish and command. And then when you keen a little too hard at the attention, you bet a switch would flip and he’d grab you—

The blanket flops around your back, and you’re sorely reminded that you’re thirsting over a taken man, yet again.  

Jungkook makes it extremely difficult for him to be hateable. It’s by nature that he’s just so damn likeable. Heck, he’s pretty much packed seventy percent of the things Jisoo should be packing right now. 

Making sure not to trip again, on your feelings and your blanket, you successfully reach a tired Namjoon. You tuck your koala-shaped pillow under your co-editor’s arms, and drape the heavy blanket over him like a cape. He’s giving you a thumbs up and a toothless smile, the previous meltdown overcome as he focuses on finishing the last of today’s work. He’s slipped on some noise-cancelling earphones, presumably filled with generic coffee-house music or rain playlists. 

Wordlessly you go to your nook to prepare some tea. It’s getting late and a warm cup would distract you from the impending deadline. Despite the fact that you and Namjoon are 99% of the way done, his previous freak-out has you on live-wire and you could use a little caffeine. 

Placing three mugs on the counter you call, “Jungkook, tea?” 

“Yes please,” you stiffen when you feel Jungkook magically appear right behind you, his head peering over your shoulder, “with milk and honey.” 

Deciding to give Jungkook the beehive-shaped mug because it’s very on-brand for him, you begin to steep the leaves in your kettle while he spoons the honey. 

“So,” his words are slow as the drip of honey, the amber goo taking its time to descend into his mug as it falls from the dipper. “Is that the guy you’re trying to get over?” 

Jungkook lifts his brows towards Namjoon, who is softcore jamming to his white noise playlist. It’s cute as to how curious Jungkook is about Namjoon. While you try to keep your work life separate, there really isn’t much backstory to your personal life to warrant that kind of divide. 

“Namjoon,” you state aloud, watching Namjoon sing badly to himself, “why, are you gonna beat him up for me?” 

“I can take him,” you can practically hear Jungkook’s chest pop out. 

With a roll of your eyes, you reach to kill the heat off the tea kettle, “No need. He isn’t the guy I’m trying to get over.” 

“Oh, he’s your fuck buddy then?” 

“Shit!” being caught off guard, you grab at the handle of your kettle without a pot holder, burning your fingertips. In seconds Jungkook’s larger hand encases your own, pulling you over to the sink to soak your fingers in cool running water.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Jungkook is chanting like a sinner at church, searching for any sign of pain in your visage, “I shouldn’t have asked while you’re working with a hot stove.” 

You suppress a sigh, relaxing your fingers as Jungkook soothes the burn with his gentle hold, “Shouldn’t have asked in the first place,” you mumble. 

“I know,” he replies, “guess I’m just feeling a little left out. We don’t talk like we used to. I guess I’m getting a little too nosy for my own good, aren’t I?” 

You don’t understand what’s going on with his incessant babbling as of late, but you chalk it up to work stress and Jisoo’s move. Having no answers to his honest reply, you gently untack your red palm from his grip, assuring him that you’re fine. 

Namjoon steps into your kitchenette, being surprisingly careful as he takes your potholder to pour himself a cup of tea. If the tea is oversteeped and bitter he doesn’t say anything, only leans against the counter as he regards you two with slow sips. “You alright?” 

“M’fine,” you reply stubbornly, avoiding Jungkook’s worried stare. 

Namjoon holds out his hand, “Hand.” 

“No—”

“Hand.” 

His deep voice coerces you, and you immediately slap the back of your palm onto Namjoon’s. Your partner brushes his golden hands over the tiny blister that’s forming over your fingertips. “Can’t have my Work Wife outta commission.” 

“Your Work Wife is fine,” you gripe back. 

Your co-worker’s eyes flicker over to Jungkook’s for a brief second, Jungkook regarding him in curiosity as he stares at your connected palms. “I have some aloe in my bag for sunburns,” Namjoon offers helpfully, ignoring the weird glances, “I’ll give it to you in a bit. Also, I’ve overcome my sudden bout of stress and I’m ready to email our progress to Victoria. We’re done for the day.” 

“Awesome, thanks Joonie,” you exhale, relaxing against the sink, “wanna go eat somewhere?” 

“There’s a niche place in Itaewon if you wanna check it out?” Namjoon offers.

Jungkook interjects, “Jisoo ordered pizza if you guys wanna share with us?” 

“Pizza also sounds good—” 

“We don’t wanna interrupt your alone time,” you gracefully cut in, stepping in front of Namjoon despite the fact that he’s easily towering over you. 

Jungkook snorts, “I’ll have enough alone time with her when she moves in, don’t worry. Besides, I ordered three pies because I wanted to try three different flavor combos. I need two additional judges.” 

“Thanks Jungkook but,” you stifle a cry when Namjoon jabs you in the back with his thumb. It’s pressing, digging into the small of your back as if he’s trying to telepathically tell you that you’re being rude, “but… I don’t know if I can eat three slices! Namjoon on the other hand, can probably eat enough to fairly judge.” 

“Great,” Jungkook’s smile is blinding, causing your grin to stiffen as he looks for his phone to shoot Jisoo a quick text that they’re having dinner for four. 

Once Jungkook’s out of earshot, Namjoon tugs you by the sleeve, “The hell was that?” he hisses in your ear, “you look like you’re about to shit and piss your pants at the same time.” 

“I just don’t feel comfortable eating with them,” you cross your arms in defiance. You think back to just a week ago where you and Jisoo reluctantly attempted to eat breakfast together one morning. You provided minimal small talk while Jisoo clinged to her phone, replying to you in non-committal clipped tones. 

��Do I want to know?”

“No.” 

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No!” you retort, “you got me into this mess, you’re gonna stay with me ‘till the end.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, woman,” Namjoon throws his arms out exasperatedly, oolong tea nearly sloshing onto his hand, “just suck it up or I revoke your bragging rights to that snag you got on our spread next Monday.” 

“Not my fault you couldn’t get Kim Taeyeon on the spread,” you smirk. 

“Well I didn’t so happen to stalk the Sephora she frequents for the past two weeks—” 

“I didn’t stalk her I just so happened to need a new Fenty Gloss Bomb every other day—”

“I’m home, Jungkookie!” 

Your face contorts, your playful energy melting to the hardwood as your previous banter with Namjoon evaporates into thin air. Work bags in one hand and three boxes of pizza balancing in the other, Jisoo kicks off her heels somewhere across the door and places the pizza on the dining table. 

Jungkook immediately appears by her side, and you look away and Jisoo plants a heavy kiss on his lips. She cracks open one eye as she notices you and Namjoon hanging by the kitchenette, “Oh,” she mumbles at her audience, “you’re here?” 

Yes, you bimbo. I’m here in my own apartment. 

“I guess you didn’t read my text that they’ll be joining us for dinner,” Jungkook cuts in good-naturedly, “we have way too much pizza anyway. Have a seat, guys.” 

Jungkook navigates the kitchen as easily as your own, and you slump in your chair while Namjoon exchanges pleasantries with Jisoo. She looks impeccable, hair in a tight chignon and a tight navy dress as she converses with your co-editor. 

“I’m starving,” Jungkook announces, making sure to place a slice on Jisoo’s plate. He shuffles through the other boxes, making brief eye contact with you when he decides to put a slice on yours as well, “you like these toppings, right?” 

You regard the greasy, hearty piece of cheese and bread with a curt nod. You feel Jisoo’s eyes laser on your skin, “Yeah, thanks Kook.” 

Namjoon, Jisoo and Jungkook mostly stir up the conversation, you opting to eat as slow as possible to avoid any conversation. It’s easy to blend back and let them take over, as Jisoo loves to talk about her fashion firm and Namjoon is a great listener. 

Jungkook and Namjoon make it a point to direct the conversation to you from time to time, and you let the ball leave your court as soon as it lands. You prefer to keep your responses short and simple, especially when Jisoo is so eager to talk about the new silk drapes she’s installing for Jungkook’s windows.

Your phone buzzes in your lap, and you discreetly look under the table to read the incoming text message. 

vernie bernie: would u like to do the devil’s dance tonight

vernie bernie: or a tickle to my pickle? 

vernie bernie: beatin ya bean? 

You: ohmyGOD 

vernie bernie: or y’know, u could just come ovr and chill. Hobi made some bomb tres leches

You: call. Ill come after dinner

“Are you okay, y/n?” your head bounces up to meet Jungkook’s gaze, “you’ve barely eaten and you haven’t talked much.” 

“Oh you know, she’s just stressed about the upcoming spread,” Namjoon steps in for you, and you send him a discrete, but grateful smile. He’s always impeccable at reading the room, “she’s just nervous about her interview with Kim Taeyeon, but I think you did her interview justice.” 

“No way, the singer Kim Taeyeon?” Jungkook gushes, regarding you with stars in his eyes, “your interviews are always so great, y/n. You ask really good questions. Like that one spread about  Lee Yonghwa’s art gallery? Really cool.” 

You notice the way Jisoo presses her lips together, a thin line as if she’s trying to seal away words that she’ll regret saying. She’s jealous, and you can’t help the blush of pride that fills your veins as you raise a secret brow at her. 

“Right, you got nothing to worry about,” Namjoon squeezes your shoulder encouragingly, as if you’d get his double-meaning. 

“Thanks,” you reply, pushing your plate away and standing up, “I’m actually gonna go head to Vernon’s for a bit, though. He wants to double check his work before we email Victoria.” 

It’s a bald-faced lie, Namjoon sent the files to Victoria right before dinner, but he isn’t going to argue. 

“Okay,” Namjoon thanks Jungkook and Jisoo for the meal, stacking his plate atop yours, “I’ll walk out with you.” 

“It’s only been twenty minutes, though,” you see the slight panic in Jungkook’s gaze as he watches you quickly clean up for you and Namjoon. You can’t quite pin why he’s so concerned, after all he has been acting strange as of late. 

“Yeah, I’m full,” you reply curtly, licking your lips and avoiding his gaze. You already know what he wants to say, that he’s been in your apartment all day and all he’s seen you eat is stale chips and tea, “but we can do this again.” But hopefully not. 

“If you’re coming home late again,” it’s the first time Jisoo has spoken to you directly. You tilt your head to her slowly, watching the plastic smile carefully carved onto her expression. You see the contrived care and concern between her brows, “please try to be quieter next time, the last time you came home late you woke Jungkookie up.” 

Snapping your gaze to Jungkook you plaster on a thick smile, “Sorry Jungkook—” 

“What? No, it’s fine!” he furrows his brows in confusion, finally able to detect the strange tension between the two housemates, “I barely heard you—” 

“Maybe I’ll just stay the night at Vernon’s,” your eyes trail over to the pajama set you immediately switched into when you got home today, “wouldn’t want to disturb you two.” 

“Good,” Jisoo’s tone is saccharine and clipped as she tacks on a, “have fun.” 

It’s laudable, how much Jisoo wants to make a fool out of you but you won’t have it. You revel in the perplexed expression as Jungkook’s gaze darts back and forth between the two of you, wanting to butt in but unsure of how to approach it. Not giving him the time to, you bid the couple a goodnight and make a fast getaway. Heck, you don’t even take your work stuff with you. 

Once you’re out the door, Namjoon wordlessly gives you a hug. You sigh gratefully into his embrace. 

The next time Jungkook sees you, he reads the room before anything. You and Jisoo’s apartment is scarily empty, almost clinical. He’s tried texting you a few times after his failed-not-failed attempt at catching up at the mall and his awkward conversation concerning Namjoon, but you always reply back with vague replies and an unpromised promise of meeting up sometime soon. 

It dulls him to think that you’ve given up on him as a friend. But can you blame him? He needs to keep an appropriate distance for Jisoo, after all, she doesn’t like it when he gets too close to other women unless it’s strictly professional. Usually Jisoo’s jealousy inevitably works itself out and Jungkook doesn’t pose any problems because he has very few girl friends, but for some reason your friendship with him specifically gets Jisoo stiff in the face. Is it because you and Jisoo are so close? Possibly. 

But it doesn’t mean you can’t join the same Valorant server with him at 2AM and accidentally bomb each other, or argue over the magnum opus of each film company. Is that not enough? 

Jisoo’s working overtime, and Jungkook suggested last night that he move the boxes to the front of the door for easy pick-up when the moving truck arrives. Jisoo promises to buy Thai food in return, and with a kiss emoji she leaves him to audit fabric budgets. 

As he glides down to Jisoo’s room he notes that the pictures along the wall have disappeared, and there’s double the amount of boxes in the hallway. It seems that you’re moving out too. To where, he doesn’t know but he hopes it isn’t too far. 

He chides Jisoo remotely when he sees that her room is completely intact, and he makes moves to pack up her things. 

That’s when he finds his letter. Not a love letter to Jisoo, but a love letter to you. Deep in the recesses of Jisoo’s junk drawer, is a faded lavender envelope with a pressed cream colored baby’s breath taped up in plastic. The glue is yellow and old, clearly served its purpose due to the fact that the letter is already opened and the contents rumpled. 

Hey Pretty Girl–

He immediately stuffs the letter back in its holder, stricken at his messy handwriting from two years ago. It feels like he found a time capsule, another version of Jungkook confessing to you. He used to call you Pretty Girl, not enough for you to catch on to his feelings, but enough for you to understand that he did find you attractive. It was early on in your friendship. 

When you first asked him to be study partners for some silly class that had nothing to do with each other’s majors, he gaped like a guppy and pointed to himself. That day he went to class in last night’s clothes and a nest of fluffy strands. “Me?” he felt like absolute trash, and you were probably desperate due to the fact you two were the only seniors in this class, “but you’re a pretty girl… and I’m pretty dumb when it comes to this subject.” 

But instead you scoffed and pulled him from his slumped figure, dragging him to the library, with a wink and a “you’re pretty, too.” Those words have burned in his brain since then, as he wasn’t used to getting such off-handed compliments, especially from intelligent girls that wanted more than one night. 

For whatever reason you continued seeing his dumb self, even after the semester ended and together registered for one more class for spring. 

Whenever you’d go out for ice cream you wouldn’t hesitate to stuff your face and add for extra Oreos and fries, you’d assure Jungkook you’re not normally this much of a slob. 

Jungkook would just smile and offer you a napkin and say, “You’re still a pretty girl.” 

He fell for you gracefully. There was no regret, no walk of shame, no cliché late night party where you or him could’ve instigated it into the physical. It was all by feel. 

However the two of you took your time with your relationship, languidly enjoying the hushed conversations in the library at 2AM, the late night McFlurry runs, the integration of each other’s friends like it was natural. Ergo the lavender love letter. It was a gentle declaration, one he felt pretty confident in. 

So color him stupid when you passed him in class with a happy wave, Jungkook dumbfounded at how well you handled his confession. You weren’t oblivious, you just never read it. 

But now he knows the declaration was for whatever reason, lost in transit. “I should’ve known,” he whispers in the air, the letter crumpling in his grip. Composing himself, he pinches his brows.  

There’s an electronic buzz and a sharp slam of the front door. Judging by the time, you’re home. 

You flop onto your mattress, folding an arm over your head to stop the sun from seeping to your eyes. Vernon’s exhausted you, and you barely got away before he could have any say in it. You need a little space, and some time to think. 

Just as you close the door to your bedroom, it swings open. 

You gape as Jungkook thrusts himself into your bedroom like a deer with horns, looking pale. You follow his gaze, darkened eyes that linger a little too long on your neck again, and you narrow your eyes at him to avert. He looks a little red in the cheeks despite his pallidness, looking like he just got out of bed with messy wavy locks and his signature sweats. Is Jungkook packing for Jisoo again? 

Acutely aware that you smell like sweat and sex, you clutch the blankets closer to your body. “Uh, rude.” 

He looks uncharastically frantic, waving a letter in his hand, “Did you ever read this?” 

“Read what?” you ask, hands reaching out for the envelope. 

“My confession letter,” he blurts, having no shame now that all the gears are running through his head. “I wrote you a letter asking you out, because you said you wanted to collect notes like in Letters to Juliet. But I just found it in Jisoo’s drawer, why would it be there?” 

And all the pent up frustration that never seemed to escape under Vernon’s sheets, the feelings that never seem to subside, all bubble back to the surface. Now that Jungkook knows, there’s no hiding. 

You’re in shock, hands reaching for the letter despite the burn that seeps through your fingertips. Jungkook’s shoulders slump when you do indeed look like it’s your first time seeing this, as if a missing puzzle piece in your timeline has finally been revealed.

“I, I didn’t think you’d write me a letter,” you take the lavender envelope, clutching the letter by your chest like it’s something precious, “that’s so sweet,” you say to yourself.  

It dawns on him, “Wait, you knew about this? I knew something weird was going on.” 

“Only recently,” you frown. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” he nearly shouts, causing you to flinch, “no wonder why you were being so weird all this time. How could you let me live the rest of my life knowing this? That my relationship is built on a lie? ” 

“I don’t know,” you suddenly feel very small in your mattress as Jungkook rounds up on you, pulling your desk chair closer to your bed, “because you love Jisoo, of course.” 

“Well obviously that’s not possible,” and while yes a two-year realtionship ending like this is going to hit him hard tonight, he’s focused on you and the fact that you failed to tell him, “somehow I’d find out. Why wait for me to find out on my own?” 

“Because I wanted to protect you!” 

“Protect me,” he scoffs, crossing his arms and sneering at you. It causes you to tense up, feeling the telltale signs of tears bubbling to the surface, “you don’t even want to be friends anymore, y/n. I’ve tried to catch up to you so many times, but you keep leaving me hanging. I know I’ve been a pretty bad friend and I get it if you just feel awkward that I liked you, then that’s a shitty reason.” 

“Have you ever considered that it’s too late to tell you?” you shoot back, sitting up straight, “yes, I admit I should’ve told you earlier and I’m sorry, but it was a lot for me to process to y’know? Jisoo and I haven’t talked properly in weeks!” 

“Oh, so you’ve stopped trying to be friends with Jisoo too, huh? Just like you’re trying to stop being friends with me.” 

“No,” you pinch your brows, “she stopped being friends with me! She doesn’t care about me because she has you,” conflict burns in Jungkook’s gaze, and you only serve to fuel the fire, “she’s tried so hard to not involve me in your relationship.” 

“Just tell me why you’ve really kept this secret instead of saying you want to protect me like a baby—” 

“It’s because I’m in love with you, idiot!” 

You blink and back up against the wall of your bedroom, as if you can’t believe that the words came out of your mouth. 

It’s quiet again. The sour look evaporates from Jungkook’s face as he watches you suppress your sobs on your mattress. The room seems devoid, sucked out of its color as you’ve cleaned up most of your things, the only thing left being some plain grey sheets and a pillow. 

Jungkook’s mind is absolutely reeling, playing back memories from a different point of view. 

“When Jisoo told me she sabotaged our relationship so she could date you, I was so upset and didn’t know what to think,” you manage to place the lavender note on your wooden desk, making sure no tears could mar it. “And I thought I could move on and eventually stay friends with the both of you, but the next day Jisoo put all her attention on you and completely ignored me or any attempt to salvage our friendship. She only told me to forgive herself,” you’re hugging yourself, wrapping the blankets around you like a weak embrace, “so I thought if I cut myself out of the picture and forced myself to move on like I should’ve, everything would’ve been okay.” 

“So, you would’ve rather kept all this pain to yourself?” 

“Yeah,” you give him a teary smile, “because I wanted you to be happy.” 

And with an equally sad smile he murmurs, “But I’m not happy.” 

 Your face falls, and you really look at Jungkook. He’s exhausted as well, slumped in his chair. Has he been trying to grapple along the threads of his relationships, while you’ve been trying to loosen them? 

“What a waste of two years,” he slumps in your chair, letting the pieces click into place, “a relationship built on fake love. I was really trying, y’know. I thought I was going crazy.” 

The three of you have unknowingly been playing a futile game of Cat’s Cradle, a game that no one wins. 

Jungkook looks wistfully out the window, noting the pleasant day that fails to present itself in your tiny room. It feels simultaneously satisfying and bitter when it falls into place, your thoughts finally fitting together for the first time in months. “We could’ve loved each other. For real,” he says, and you silently agree. 

You’re still crying, shaking like a leaf in autumn. Jungkook’s arms hover awkwardly over yours, his warmth palpable despite the fact that he hasn’t touched you yet. With a timid smile you allow consent, and you melt like putty in his arms. 

“Kookie, ‘m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” you murmur into his shoulder, not caring if it hurts when you press your chin into his skin. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” 

It’s been so long to have him close like this, the friend you’ve always wanted but never needed. Since college you’ve always imagined a life without him doing just fine, but that doesn’t mean you want to live without him, roommate’s boyfriend or not. 

“I’m sorry too,” he sighs back, “this sucks right now, but we’ll be alright.” 

The two of you sit in your room until it turns dark and the sky muddles into shades of twilight and egg yolk orange. There’s lulls in the conversation, the two of you filling in the gaps and making sense of the mumbo-jumbo that’s been going on in your consciousness up until this point. Your insantities turn sane, and by the time Jisoo’s making her way back inside with the smell of pad thai, Jungkook is ready. With a squeeze to each other and a press of your lips because you don’t know what to say, you tuck yourself in and pretend to fall asleep. 

“Messy, messy, messy,” Vernon sing-songs, knocking his heels against the wall. 

The both of you are sitting upside-down, butts attached to the wall connecting to his mattress and your feet hanging in the air. Your mint floral organza socks pad against his Pink Floyd poster, while his yellow tube socks are heeling against some old Polaroids from college. There’s no prospect of sex today, not when shit just hit the fan. 

Today you and Vernon are just two old friends and very close co-workers. 

“Tell me about it,” you bemoan, frowning at the beige wall, “this whole week’s just been a whole mess. It’s like, warm tuna salad.”

“Gross,” Vernon grimaces at the apt comparison, “so what happens now?” 

You sit up on your elbows, looking down at Vernon’s peaceful expression, “What do you mean?” 

“Like, are you gonna get together with him?”

You snort, flopping back down on his bed. The blankets fluff around you and you inhale the pine scented sheets. “After all that? No.” 

“But you still love him?” 

It must sound dumb to still love him after all this time. You wouldn’t be surprised if Vernon thought you’re silly to still hold a place in your heart for someone who has fifteen million things on their plate now. After all the physicality and the space Vernon gave you in his home, your feelings haven’t wavered. 

Your companion doesn’t bother waiting for your answer, hearing your answer somewhere in the air as he gets up and throws on his denim jacket. Rolling over your stomach you ask, “Where are you going?” 

“Some friends down in printing want to meet up for drinks,” Vernon messes up his hair, making the waves part in that little coiff that makes his jawline look sharp. “I heard Yerin really wanted me to come, so.” 

You can’t help the little middle school coo that comes from your lips, causing Vernon to giggle and throw a pillow at you. “Yerin’s cute!” you declare, remembering the petite girl in overalls who’s all about pops of yellow and violet, “you're into her?” 

“Nah,” Vernon holds up two hats in his hands, gesturing for you to pick one. “Just figured it was a push in the right direction.” 

Crawling out of his bed you stumble in your oversized t-shirt, tucking a finger under your chin as you decide between the emerald bucket hat and the red Ralph Lauren baseball cap. You pull out both hats from his hands and set it down on his vanity, opting to smooth out the flyaways and ringing your fingers through his soft curls. “And what direction would my free-flowing friend be going today?” you ask aloud, “you look better with your hair out,” you declare firmly, “makes you look like a fluffy CEO.” 

He laughs at your silly comparison, and he gently moves your hand away from his hair when you linger a little too close to him. His gaze is solemn as he regards you with a gentle smile, “Keep your distance, I’m tryna get over someone,” he says simply, and your arm falls limp at your sides. 

Your heart thuds in a different direction, your mouth parting but no words coming to the surface. When was the last time you asked about Vernon’s needs, wondered if he was doing alright, making sure you two were on the same page—

“You’re spiraling,” he reads you like a playbook, smoothing down your hair to press a kiss to the crown. Suddenly you feel guilty for not having sparks in your belly, shaming your conscience for not even considering his sacrifices in your self-absorption these past few weeks. “Like I said, I wanted to help you. Stop looking like a kicked puppy, it’s okay to be selfish.” 

With transparent tears the two of you pack up and head to your next destination. Hands ghosting between each other you make your way to the exit of Vernon’s apartment, him to meet up with his friends while you have to unpack your new apartment. With a hug you tell each other you’ll see them on Monday, and as easy as that you go your separate ways.

Hey Pretty Girl—

I kinda wanted to tell you this in person but I know how much you liked Mamma Mia and all those other movies that have grand gestures in writing so I thought hey, might as well shoot my shot on paper. 

Not gonna tell you all the details, because you deserve to hear it in-person. But mayhaps this letter has something to do with how much I like studying with you, watching movies with you, doing absolutely nothing with you and all of that in-between. 

There’s a gift card to our spot attached. Meet me at McDonalds @12 tonight, so I know it’s real 😎

Hopefully yours, Jungkook

P.S. if you haven’t noticed already, I sprayed a little cologne and stole Taehyung’s fancy paper from Muji. That’s how serious I am about you. 

“Joon, we live in a bonsai garden. We’re like giants in a forest.” 

“Can you—can you stop spitting at them? Let them breathe, dammit.” 

“Not my fault they’re so tiny! I literally have to zoom 200% just to get a good look at ‘em.” 

The two of you are huddled in what used to be Namjoon’s balcony, now a sunroom for his succulents and bonsais. Your heart feels pink and swollen with affection as you regard Namjoon with interest, absorbing every bit of information you can as he teaches you how to care for his plants. After all, you’re co-parenting now. 

Having your Wusband co-sign as your roommate for the next year is probably the best decision you have made this year. Everyday is like a breath of fresh air. With Seokjin gone for the year to tour his restaurant franchises, his room is yours for the taking. The two of you are easy going roommates, filling the apartment with color and vigour whether it be in the form of baking sweets or watching Netflix documentaries. 

The only drama you ever have is when you two are having a meltdown over the same work-related issue, as if you two somehow share the same brain cell. It’s significantly less stressful, no need for unnecessary anger when  you have someone as mediating as Namjoon.

After today’s plant lesson, you two go back to the living room to finish up your work for the evening. Another perk of living together is that you can go home at normal work times and continue where you left off with the comfort of your couch and eating a whole pizza pie with no shame. 

Namjoon’s phone pings with a new email from corporate. “We got the new concept for next month’s spread,” he gestures to you with a grandiose wave of his arm, “drumroll please.” 

He pulls up the newsletter from corporate with a flick of his thumb. Your company put out every month’s concept out in an Evite, like every month was a themed party. A stressful, month long work party. In seconds, the page loaded and you’re met with next month’s title bathed in electronic glitter. 

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Class of Youth

The two of you say silent, absorbing the concept like a cookie to milk. It’s a personal spread this month, a real treat for the team to show off their normal non-professional life. A spread that reveals the masters behind the ink and text. Last year’s personal spread was about the staff’s vacation destinations, but this year’s is much more intimate. You can imagine all the ideas that will be thrown around on Monday’s meeting: pinning down shared ideas like Throwback Thursdays, late night munchie runs, drunk stories, and all the crazy college nostalgia that you’ve been trying to avoid as of late. 

But now it’s presented to you in a gold chalice, and while you’re sick of the past you think it’s about time to face it. You’re excited to tackle the dark monster you’ve suppressed since Jungkook and Jisoo’s breakup. 

“Did I ever tell you I was president of my university’s Mock Trial?” 

“No, I always thought you’d be president of the Comparative Literature Club or whatever. But Mock Trial is equally as nerdy.” 

“I’ll have you know Mock Trial got me tons of action,” he winked, “made me very convincing.” 

“Gross,” you sneer, “so that’s what your spread will be about? How the co-editor of the Arts & Entertainment section managed to bag with his skills from Mock Trial?” 

“Nah, I went on a penniless journey with Jin during spring break. Six days around Malta.” 

“That does sound so you,” you sigh, fingers slipping between the cracked screen as you mull over the overly happy Evite, “sounds like a cool story.” 

“I know that look,” Namjoon quips, snatching his phone under his nose, “don’t overthink your spread just yet, it’s still the weekend. Now to more important things, what do you want from Taco Bell?”

And because you can’t refuse the combined efforts of nachos and Namjoon’s dimples, you relent for the night and tack the unmade idea to the next workday. 

Unfortunately the next workday is just as disheartening. Today’s work meeting is the antithesis of icing on the cake. While your college life isn’t anything remarkable, you didn’t think it was a painfully dull time. With every passing moment and every excited co-worker throwing memories back and forth like ping pong balls, the more you felt inferior by competing with their amazing memories. 

“Who can even afford Aruba at twenty-one,” you mutter under your breath, stalking back to your cubicle. 

Filling up a whole spread is daunting to you, the thought of Victoria popping her head in your cubicle to ask what you’ve got for the day is practically eating you from the inside out. Maybe your college life was in actuality, super boring? You have no crazy drug trips to tell, any vacations that gave you a life-changing perspective, or an epic love story. 

“What’cha got there, partner?” 

The third musketeer of your editing team’s caramel eyes peer into your cubicle, causing you to jump in your chair. Vernon wheels around, chair and all to push you into your already cramped space. His gold button up gleams in the sunlight, effectively blinding you. 

“If by something you mean nothing, then yeah I got nothing,” you frown, spinning around your chair. “What are you writing about?” 

A fond smile melts onto your friend’s face, and you can’t help returning a smile that mirrors his own. You two have fallen back into a good place, as far as you know. He’s still easy, simple, sweet Vernon. When you dropped some boxes off in coloring, you heard that Vernon and Yerin have recently started seeing each other. 

“Thought of the idea as soon as the Evite came out. It’s more of a photo spread, but I’m gonna write about my study abroad in NYU,” Vernon ticks a pencil on his forehead, “a self-identity piece talking about how I felt like, not-white around my family n’stuff. And then felt not-Asian at the same time, s’complicated but I think I can make it work.” 

“Deep,” you pat his shoulder caringly, knowing that Big Hit is a good outlet for these kinds of subjects, “alright City Slicker, since you’re so full of ideas then tell me what to write about.” 

Vernon sits up straight, regarding you with narrowed eyes, “Aren’t you gonna write about your little love triangle with Jisoo and Jungkook?” and it seems like he’s already storyboarded the idea in his head, gesturing to the air as if he’s writing down a timeline, “I can see the headline now: How to Steal a Heart,” he’s grinning, nodding fervently as you cross your arms in distaste. 

“Vern, are you suggesting that I exploit Jisoo and Jungkook’s personal lives?” while the journalism business didn’t pride itself on sincerity, it did feel wrong to drag in your personal life to that extent. 

“Babe, you don’t understand. You have the perfect slice of life story. Everyone’s writing about expensive vacations and that one time they got cross-faded and ended up in Busan,” he squeezes your hand, “but your story, it’s relatable. It’s romantic. It’s angsty. It has closure. No one’s gonna be able to relate to an impulse spending on daddy’s money to Aruba. But first loves? Unrequited romance and all that ish? Everyone can speak to that. And you’re a beautiful writer, they’ll eat up that story like honey.” 

“I don’t know, it still doesn’t feel right.” 

“Change up the names, twist the story,” he offers easily, knowing you’d put up a fight, “besides, it’s not like you’re planning on talking to Jisoo or Jungkook ever again,” you open your mouth to retort, but Vernon’s phone beeps to the Star Wars theme song and he’s flying out of his chair. “Shoot, gotta go help Joon upstairs. Just think about it, okay? Good luck!” and he’s kicking his chair out with a brown loafer, leaving you with breathing room in your cubicle. 

Five seconds later Vernon is jogging back, pointing a finger at you, “And if you do choose to write it, you have to add that Jisoo copped your McDonalds gift card. Like, who does that shit? Couldn’t she have just given it to you and say it was from her and not Jungkook? Seriously fucked up.” 

For the next ten or so minutes you mull. Out of all the memorable college events you’ve participated in, the largest one by far is your (now defunct and debatable) friendship with Jisoo, and your (un)requited love for Jungkook. Reluctantly, you must admit Vernon has a sharp idea, busting in like a hero and offering you the most writable piece on a silver platter. 

It doesn’t feel morally right just to start writing, because ultimately you can’t feel comfortable until you get the consent of Jungkook. While you don’t want to touch Jisoo with a ten-meter pole, you do want to start talking to Jungkook again now that the waters have calmed.

Your life has moved gracefully up until this point, and you’d like to start being friends with him again. Decision made, you pull out your phone and make an important call.

“Hey Yoongi,” you say nervously. Min Yoongi is Kim Namjoon’s equivalent, Jungkook’s Wusband and former upperclassmen in college. 

Said man hums noncommittally on the other line, “Whaddya want, it’s been awhile.” 

You stifle a giggle at his apathetic attitude, knowing he’s someone who wastes no time in getting straight to the point. “I just wanna make sure Jungkook’s address is still the same? I know it’s been a couple months, but I need to send him something and I wanna make sure it gets to him ASAP because—”

“Because last time something was sent, your crazy roommate intervened and Jungkook ended up in a two-year half-toxic relationship? Yeah, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“Yoongi,” you say slowly, “where are you?” 

“Working in the studio,” he tuts, “Jungkook says hi, by the way.” 

Typical, cat’s out of the bag. With a roll of our eyes you reply, “Thanks for outing me, Yoongi. Talk to you later.” 

“And y/n? Jungkook says he’s waiting.” 

With a stupid smile slapped onto your face, you hang up the phone and pull out your stationary kit from under your desk. You pluck out a vermillion red envelope, a color so bold and begging to be seen, you know it can’t possibly get lost in transit. Feeling a little bit like a high schooler as you pull out a glitter jelly pen, you get to writing. 

Hey Pretty Boy...

Jungkook and Jisoo are no longer together, evidently. 

Their social media runs in different directions, with Jisoo sporting absolute elegance in her work at her family-owned boutique. Her posts are full of shiny outfits and soulless gazes, betraying any pinch of emotion she may have felt over these past few months. Her profile is wiped of any personal posts, all traces of you and Jungkook evaporated from her page. You must admit that she looks good, like a real fashion mogul, but only at the surface level. 

Conversely, Jungkook is thriving. It’s evident. Normally he isn’t the type of guy to post so frequently, his habits being often sporadic and limited to sweaty gym stories. But whenever you scroll, it’s pictures of him smiling. Big bunny teeth broken into a genuine, full-bellied laugh. Cute selfies of him and his co-workers. You notice two familiar co-workers in those posts, Irene and Seulgi, two beautiful women Jisoo always felt intimidated by whenever she ranted to you. You conclude positively that Jungkook doesn’t feel tethered and can hang out with all the friends he wants, female and male alike. Jungkook looks free, and you’re happy for him. 

It’s another Instagram-worthy moment tonight at McDonalds, where you and Jungkook proposed to meet each other at 12AM. 

This time, the letter makes it to its desired destination. You make sure of that because this time you hand-deliver it, slipping under his apartment door knowing he lives alone and no one would be able to access it except him. 

You’re parked in an obscure corner, but you can see that Jungkook is currently having a great time with his co-workers for an after work meal. Yoongi is unbothered on his phone, while Jimin and Seulgi are taking turns throwing fries into each other’s mouth. Jungkook is squished between them, scrunching his nose cutely as he tries not to get in the fray of their fry-war. 

Your phone pings, and you laugh at what pops up on the screen.

Yoongi: come inside, u loser. 

You: can’t ur friend group makes me nervous stop being so dang cute

You: dw i’ll wait, it’s only 11:50

Instead of replying, Yoongi puts his phone down and resumes eating. In turn you pick a playlist, deciding that “summer time high mix✨✨✨” is a theme you need to subscribe to for the rest of the weekend. 

Busying yourself by sending some texts to Namjoon and checking some emails, you relax in your seat as you let your brain turn to sludge for the weekend. You’re tired, eyes glazing over as you watch Yoongi elbow Jungkook harshly, forcing him to look out the foggy window. 

Jungkook’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas Eve, but instead of Christmas lights it's your car’s lowlights. The graphic designer  pays no mind to his friends as they wish him goodbye and goodluck, throwing on his jacket with a wave. 

The night air whizzes by, Jungkook’s floppy black strands bouncing with each step as he bounds to your car. He throws your door open, bringing in the cold air as he regards you as easily as an old friend would. 

“Hi,” he chirps, placing his tattooed palms by the air vent, “c’mon, let’s order.” 

“You know, you could’ve ordered inside and brought it in here.” 

“Yeah but then it would take longer to get to you,” the cheeky grin that Jungkook throws at you is unmistakable, “c’mon, get out the car and let’s switch.” 

“Huh?” 

“You look tired, you didn’t come back from the office again, did you?” 

“I did tonight,” you say, “I just really wanted to get the soft copy of the article done and—” 

“Out, out!” Jungkook clicks your seatbelt off and he’s coming out of the passenger side, opening your car and pulling you out by the hand, “c’mon, I’ll drive.” 

You shake your head, hiding your smile in your hand as you let Jungkook do what he wants. Normally you’d be insulted that anyone suggests they should drive your car but Jungkook would always drive you around, saying he loved long rides. Above all, if you could trust anyone to drive your car, Jungkook is at the top of the list. 

Buckling in, you bite the inside of your cheek as Jungkook easily pulls out of the parking spot one-handed. His jacket is pulled up to his elbows, exposing his veins as he expertly whirls the wheel in the direction of the drive-thru. Since college he’s always looked very attractive driving.  

Doesn’t mean you have to act like you’re still in college. You tamp those feelings down, knowing that your article probably has you feeling stuck in time. 

“—coming along?” 

“Wha?” 

“I said, how’s the spread coming along?” 

“It’s pretty much done, I think. I’ll send you the hard copy when it’s ready,” you tap your fingers against the dashboard, “but are you sure you’re okay with me writing it? I know I’m using a pseudonym and everything for you two but I still feel weird—” 

“It’s fine, I think it’s a good thing,” and you still squirm in your seat when he flashes you a genuine smile, “I mean, it kinda is a funny story and I think it’s good for both of us. Like closure, y’know? Moving on and—hi, can I get two Oreo McFlurrys and a large fry? Thanks!” he pulls out his wallet to scan the total on the e-reader.  “I mean, didn’t it feel good writing it?”

“Yeah,” you replied honestly, relaxing in your seat, “like, college was fun and all, but when Jisoo kinda ruined all that… after awhile I didn’t think it was ruined after all, y’know? I still made amazing friends and ended up where I wanted to be. I want to show the readers that shit happens, and that’s okay. And if things are really meant to be, they’re meant to be.” 

The summer playlist hums in the background as Jungkook pulls up to the pick-up window. He thanks the worker and hands you the tray, and you make quick work to put the fries in the first cup holder for optimal sharing. He doesn’t park at McDonalds, but instead smoothly pulls out of the restaurant into the direction of his apartment. It isn’t a particularly long drive, but you figure it would be easier for Jungkook to go home first if you’re already parked at his complex. 

“What do you mean by that?” Jungkook parks in the driveway of his apartment, taking his McFlurry from your hands. 

“Mean by what?” 

“If things are really meant to be, they’re meant to be.” 

“Well, we’re here now, right?” 

Jungkook pops his spoon in, swallowing vanilla and a silly smile through his coral pink lips, “We’re here now,” he repeats. 

The night air is cool and your conversation is warm. You promise Jungkook that you’ll send him the final copy of your spread as soon as it’s done, and you two eagerly deviate away from the past and focus on the present. 

You can’t help the eagerness that flows between you, as if you’ve never spent time apart like this and it’s only now that you’re reuniting. It must be absence that makes the heart grow fonder, because you swell with affection and you find Jungkook’s presence sweeter than any kind of ice cream. 

Are you dating now? Maybe. You and Jungkook are going on dates, everything without the title. McFlurry runs, marathons of HGTV’s Design on a Dime, having lunch at each other’s respective buildings with the Wusbands. Whether these dates are exclusive or not is unknown, but you figure the question will present yourself one way or another. 

You’re in a good place right now, potential relationship or not. After all, your priorities are simultaneously positive and in order: family, work, friends, and any potential romantic trysts are at the very bottom. You could kiss the cover of this month’s issue (and trust, you have kissed your own copy multiple times) if it is not for the fact that this specific issue is for Jungkook. 

So, romantic trysts and friends have a tendency to flip-flop on your priority list, but only because it’s Jungkook. 

Unsurprisingly, there’s no guilt knowing that you’re dating your former best friend's ex-boyfriend. 

After a much deserved early work day, Namjoon and the crew arrange a hearty happy-hour filled with good food and enough relaxation to last the weekend. With your combined successes, your team felt like they made the best issue yet. At the heart of it, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Class of Youth became a reckoning of each other’s young life. Despite the love and the growth that occurred from your college years up until this point, you’re glad to close that chapter and move forward. 

You did not tell Jungkook when the issue would come out, so you think it’ll be a fun surprise for him when he sees it magically show up at his apartment. Bending down you move to slip the issue under his door, one hand pushing it under while one hand braces against the frame to steady your balance. 

Just as the shiny cover glides under the door it swings open, and you fall flat on Jungkook’s feet. 

Being the little shit he is, he simply giggles at the blunder, looking at you with excited eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he says. 

“Creepy as hell, Jeon,” you mutter under your breath, brushing the dirt off your aqua pencil skirt. Looking at him from your spot on the floor and his large height, you grimace. “You look like a middle-aged serial killer looking outside your peephole.” 

“Now, we know that’s not true.” he finally offers his hand, easily pulling you up to your feet. You follow him into his kitchen, where he’s cutting up fresh fruit. He throws your issue on the counter, gentle enough so it doesn’t slide off the granite. He gestures to himself with both hands, “me, a dashingly handsome late twenty-something in Nike sweats who can bench-press two of you? Totally not a middle-aged serial killer.” 

“It’s in the eyes,” you chastise, “you look crazy.” 

“Maybe I’m just crazy excited to see you,” he says with a cheeky grin. 

You try your best not to choke on your spit at the cheeseball comment, throwing a blackberry in your mouth. Savoring the burst of tart flavor that fills your mouth, you wait for Jungkook to plate the fruit before meeting him on the couch. He’s holding a prettily arranged plate of berries, bananas, and mango with a huge dollop of whipped cream in the middle. In his other hand is Big Hit’s magazine. 

Throwing your blazer on the couch’s arm you don’t hesitate to cuddle up next to him, eagerly waiting for him to read your spread. 

The cover gazes back at the two of you like a reflection. The entirety of the staff is posed on the cover, made to look like a class photo. Some of you are holding balloons in your respective school colors, many of you grouping up with whoever happened to go to college together. You and Vernon are wearing matching university sweaters with silly grins on your faces. In the middle of the issue is the editor-in-chief, Victoria Song holding a placard that reads: Class of Youth. 

Jungkook spares you a glance from the corner of his eye, your head naturally tucked into his shoulder. With an exaggerated sigh, he fiddles through the glossy pages, “Hmm, which one should I read first?” 

“Of course you’ll read mine first,” you pout. 

“Ah, Namjoon’s looks really fun. Or Vernon’s? New York looks pretty cool,” he flips to a random page, “wait, Yerin’s spread is a Korean cookbook! I definitely want to make some tuna rice...”  

“Jungkook,” you whine, “read mine.” 

“I don’t know,” he taps his finger on his lip, “I mean, I pretty much know your spread because I’m already in it. It would be kind of redundant to read it.” 

“Kook, you’re being mean,” you glower, rubbing your cheek against his soft sweater. He’s just so damn comfy. 

“I’m kidding,” he tugs at your cheek, “where’s the table of contents, first page?”

“I’m on page eighty-three.” 

You speed up the process like an impatient child, leaning over to brush the pages to the desired spread. You even dog-earred it, a habit that drives Jungkook crazy as he immediately fiddles to iron out the crease. 

“Are you gonna read it to me too, mom?” he teases. 

“Okay fine! I’ll be quiet, but don’t take too long.” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Eyes fluttering, you let Jungkook take his time to absorb your piece. A roommate by any other (rude) name: the lost letter. A cheesy, gimmicky title that Victoria insisted upon that you had no choice but relent to. The rest of the spread thankfully has a very authentic edge to it, your story laced with photos of you and Jungkook, your internship with Vernon, and most importantly, a scan of the lavender letter that got left in the past. 

Jungkook’s not silent through his read-through, either. He laughs at all the right parts, fueling your ego as his smile grows at your favorite lines. While he doesn’t directly engage in conversation, his positive energy is enough for you to make you feel like you’ve done your job right. It’s one thing to write about unknown celebrities and unnamed artists, but for people like Jungkook, the validation is personal. 

“It’s beautiful,” Jungkook says when he’s read it thrice through, running his thumb over a picture of you. “Really organic. Really, real.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he chuckles, having run out of adverbs. “It’s funny, too. I liked your little internal monologue. I wish I knew how you felt back then.” 

“I wish you did, too.” 

You’re quietly munching on a strawberry, looking over a polaroid Jungkook took. It was  sometime in the beginning of senior year, where you’ve fallen asleep on his mattress, drool drying on your mouth. Normally you’d be opposed to having such unflattering, grainy pictures amongst your writing, but it encapsulates the youth you’ve tried so hard to chase away. 

“How do you feel?” Jungkook says, switching out the magazine for the plate of fruit, placing it on his side. 

“Feel great, actually,” you muse, smiling to yourself. By no means are you a hero writing some grand gesture in an entertainment magazine, but you feel like you’ve saved yourself. You’ve savored your youth in four thousand words, cutting out the poison and keeping the moment as sweet as it can be. 

“I’m proud of you,” he reaches to ruffle your hair, and you don’t even get mad when it tousles out of your pinned style. 

Reveling in the attention, you simply close your eyes and feed yourself a handful of blueberries. 

“Love that I make money, but I definitely miss college from time to time,” Jungkook stretches, jostling you out of your comfortable position. “Like I remember Taehyung and I would take turns bringing backpacks to the dining hall so we could stuff fruit in it for later.”

“Yeah, but as much as I loved college I wouldn’t go back,” you nod to yourself, “I’m happy where I am now.” 

“What about when we stayed up for midnight breakfast? The dining hall was filled to the brim with food. Remember when I tried to eat a whole stack of pancakes?” 

“Jungkook…” 

“Or when our classes got cancelled and we went to Lotte World? You ate way too much funnel cake and I had to carry you to the car!” 

“Jungkook—” 

“And that one time we snuck out to the music hall’s rooftop?” words gush out of Jungkook’s mouth like a waterfall, unable to relent, “that’s when I realized I liked you. I liked you so much, I tried to tell you that night but choked—”

“Jungkook!” and he immediately zips up, frowning. You straighten up, on your knees as you reach over to run your hands through his onyx tresses, moving the styled strands to the back of his pierced ears, “Jungkook,” you repeat softly, “I’ve heard all these stories, I was there for most of them. As much as I love the past… can we talk about something else?” you give him a small, tentative smile to show him you’re not mad, but a little uncomfortable at his reminiscing. 

He leans into your touch, pressing your palm against the soft swell of his warm cheek. “Okay,” he agrees, resting one hand on your thigh. 

You’re roped in his gaze, and you have to force yourself to breathe when Jungkook moves closer to you. He hooks a leg behind his back, and another across his lap. A cool breeze kisses your inner thighs when your skirt exposes your cotton underwear. You should be embarrassed but instead you’re fixated, unable to understand what he’s trying to accomplish. 

“Then I’m gonna talk about the future,” Jungkook traps you between the couch, his thumb running hot circles to where your skirt has hiked up. It exposes a slip of the thigh that Jungkook has seen a million times. He’s seen you walking around your apartment in a large shirt, ridden up to your boyshorts. It’s different now, you feel exposed and tingly, thrumming with excitement. “I like you, obviously anticipated news and old news. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to go on dates with you, re-watch Avatar, grumble when I force you to come to the gym with me,” he bumps noses with you when you scrunch yours, “I wanna be with you. Heck, I’ve even cleared space in my spare room so you’d have closet space for all your fancy designer suits if you ever need it.”

“You cleared space?” you manage to choke out. Visions of a shared apartment roll through your brain. Cooking meals together, having two toothbrushes side by side, and waking up to his face. 

“Of course I did. Do you know how financially attractive you are?” he says lightheartedly, “you’re a sexy working woman and it’s crazy to imagine you’d want to settle for me and my little apartment. But I have to try now because if I don’t, it’ll be too late.” 

“That’s not true,” you retort, “you’re not someone I’d settle for. I want you, and no one else.” 

He chuckles, running a thumb over your cheek. “Then what are we waiting for? Your key’s hiding under the mat.” 

“Jungkook…” on the tip of your tongue lays the words you’re going too fast but it doesn’t make its way to the air. 

“But do you really think it’s too fast?” he reads your face clearly, “these feelings never went anywhere. They were locked away, sure. And I loved her,” he can’t even say the name, not when you’re warm and flush against him, “but I loved our friendship more.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” you breathe, letting the cogs in your brain roll until sparks develop. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” he concedes, “I just wanted to let you know. Could’ve done the letter thing all over again and let the past repeat itself. I know Namjoon wouldn’t hide a love letter for two years, but if I left another damn letter he’d definitely make a copy and tease me about it.” 

You snort, pressing your forehead to his. You’re practically buried in the couch now, tingly and vibrating with happiness. “And I’m not going to leave you hanging. I do want to say something,” and he looks at you expectantly, licking the leftover berry juice on his lips, nearly making you miss your train of thought, “I like you too,” you say, the other L-word is also applicable, but you feel like that phrase is reserved for another time, “I want to show you off on work vacations, bring you along as my date and show them you’re my muse,” you confess, “I wanna play video games with you ‘till 2AM, and eat ice cream in the comfort of our apartment instead of our cars because we’re too stubborn to admit we don’t wanna go home without each other.” 

Jungkook absolutely preens at the affection, sending you a heart melting smile that has your stomach doing backflips.

“Jungkook, I want to fall in love with you again.” 

Your squeal of surprise is swallowed by Jungkook’s lips, tasting of mangoes and berries as strong hands cup your backside, easily lifting you onto his lap. You plop under his strong thighs, feeling them flex against yours. The both of you are pouring in this kiss, raining with promises and hopes for a future with each other. His taste is concentrated, and you can feel the devotion practically injected in his embrace. 

When he pulls away his lips are cherry-red and shiny, looking up at you through clear coffee eyes. “This isn’t a dream, right?” he looks at you up and down, unable to decipher fact from fiction, “because I distinctly remember two wet dreams that involve you looking like this.” 

Looking down, you heat at the disarray you’re in. Hair wild and parted in different wavelengths, tired of the day’s efforts. Your slightly sheer dress-shirt is rumpled, the lace collar opened with two popped buttons revealing your cleavage, and your skirt is stretched so tight that it’s ruched all the way up your thighs. Sprawled across Jungkook’s lap, you’re dangerously close to something long and hard. 

Emboldened, you clutch at Jungkook’s collar, pulling him closer. 

“Show me what happens in your dream,” you whisper into his ear, barely brushing your clothed core against his crotch, “maybe we can make it come true tonight.” 

You can’t see his face, but you feel something dark and sensual overtake him. The grip on your ass tightens, a delicious pain that has you pressing your breasts against him and nipping on his ear, your tongue darting sensually through the cold silver hoops that dart through his skin. 

Within seconds, he rips you away from his neck and demands, “Open.” 

Dazed, you barely get a centimeter of your mouth open when Jungkook presses something cold and sugary against your lips. Whipped cream. You manage to take a small bite of the tart strawberry that he holds by the viridian stem, rolling the flavor between your mouth as Jungkook paints the leftover whipped cream over your lips. Once he’s satisfied he then creates a white trail that leads to your cleavage. 

Better than any dream, his eyes drink you in like the last glass of water in a desert. Your lips are swollen and parted like a baby kitten, covered in the creamy confection. “So pretty,” he exhales, his hot tongue licking from your cleavage to your lips, swallowing the flavor of you and strawberry juice, “such a pretty girl you are, and all mine.” 

“Yours,” you submit easily, rolling your hips against his. 

At that moment you think you’re meant to fall in love this way. You can’t imagine the shy, fumbly Jungkook and your equally confused self waltzing around a relationship when you barely had your lives together. The two of you still had growing to do. The wait is certainly worth it, because as you feel his arms tighten around you, you’re sure this love will stay strong.

It’s difficult for you to find a rhythm at first, what with Jungkook’s strength and need to be satiated, both of you are sloppy but the friction is nothing less than delicious. Your finger reaches over to swipe at the leftover cream on the plate, and you press your finger to Jungkook’s mouth, and he immediately complies. A dollop of sweet cream leaks out of his lips and your panties dampen further when you feel his tongue lick you clean, imagaining how good it would feel if it was your pussy he was licking. 

Your mouth waters at the feeling of his dick lining up against your core, as sticky as the strawberry juice that clings to your bodies. 

“C-can I make a confession? I—oh, Jungkook…” your mind is all fuzzed up when he snaps his hips against yours, causing you to shamelessly bounce on his length. 

“Yeah?” 

“I… I like it when you use all your strength like that,” his hips slow as your words sink in, but you don’t mind as it gives you time to make a long drag along the entirety of his member. “Everytime you pull me up when I trip, or you come back from a workout, I like it when you carry me around like I weigh nothing.” 

“Do—do you think about it a lot?” he grunts, and you stifle a moan when he does a slow, hard drag against your wet folds. “Tell the truth.” 

“It’s, it’s embarrassing,” you whimper, unable to think straight with the amount of stimuli you’re receiving.  

“Please, baby.” 

“Yes mm—oh! I do,” you try to get the words out as quickly as you can. He stops moving, and you groan in frustration so you just lay it all out on the table. “I, I love it when you hold me in your strong arms. And, ah, uh w-henever you come back from the gym you just look so sexy fresh from the shower. Sometimes I think about how you’re too damn nice for your own good but I bet you’d be so rough in bed.” 

“Really?” and then he’s shoving you onto the couch, air brushing against your bare thighs as your back hits the beige throw pillows. He’s hovering, dark eyes starting from the tip of your toes to your damp lips. “You like it when I manhandle you? Throw you around like a little doll?” 

“All that strength, and for what?” you try to keep your snappy remarks in check, but it’s hard when he’s pressing his straining dick against your thigh, weeping and needy. 

“You’re not gonna be joking about my strength anytime soon, baby,” emblazoned, he easily throws your leg over his shoulder, pushing your panties to the side to let your wetness leak out and onto his fingers, “are you gonna complain or be a good girl?” 

“Yes, I’m ah—” you wince when he inserts a finger, “I’ll be good for you,” 

“My good girl,” he revels in the way you melt under his touch, your previous sarcasm quickly dissolving into a puddle. You always had an inkling that Jungkook would be a sneaky fox in bed, all that muscle hidden behind a kind smile and a penchant for tea with milk and honey. 

Jungkook slips in another finger, stretching you and preparing you for what’s to come. He’s scissoring you at a sensible pace that has you squirming and wanting more. To prevent you from shimmying off the couch he holds you down with his free hand, and you love the way he practically feeds you to the couch, hands dancing over your neck as he shoves you further into the furniture. 

“You look so gorgeous,” he says, causing you to moan and keen at his attention, “you’re such a strong, gorgeous woman. Having you sprawled out like this, ready to do whatever I want to you is so fucking hot.” 

“I’m—I’m only weak for you Jungkook,” you say honestly, tears pricking when he dips another finger. The stretch burns deliciously, and your folds eagerly swallow him up until you’re filled to the brim. Your fingers or toys cannot compare to flesh, and you sigh in relief when you see his inked fingers pick up the pace once more. 

“You’re damn right,” Jungkook husks, and with a grain of love he murmurs in your ear, “I’m only weak for you, too.” 

And that’s when he snaps, thumb rolling against your bud as he slams his other fingers against you, going at a brutal pace. You cry out, not caring whether his neighbors hear as he pulls you back and forth through pleasure and pain. 

“T-too much, Kookie,” you mewl, your hand warbling to find his, “I, ah, ‘m gonna cum!” 

“That’s the plan,” he only goes faster, stretching your band further and further before your desired high is reached. His hand trails up to force your chin straight, looking up at him, “let go for me, baby. Wanna feel your pussy clench around my fingers.” 

In seconds, you gush. It has you in a slight panic, drunk on endorphins as you try to lift your head up but Jungkook’s hand is firmly pressing you on your shoulder as he fingers you efficiently through your high, the wet squelching sounds only increasing with your cries. His lap is drenched in your arousal, along with his chin and lips glistening with your essence. 

He finally releases you when you’re practically shaking, his hands sticky and creamy. You moan when he shamelessly licks them within your view, making sure to wrap his tongue around his ink-stained digits. 

“I,” your mouth is dry when you feel the dampness that hits your bottom, “I’ve never, I don’t remember ever—” 

Your babbles are lost between your throat and Jungkook’s tongue, shoved deep into your mouth. Tasting your arousal has you practically vibrating in your place, as you two rut against each other like hungry bunnies. 

“God, you’re amazing,” he says between pecks, kissing away your face of any tears you may have pricked, “Amazing, adorable, absolutely beautifulIadoreyousoso—” 

“Pleasepleaseplease,” you press your hips up, wiggling for more attention, “please fuck me, Jungkook.” 

You can’t help the witchy, satisfied smile when Jungkook’s eyes darken to a thick coal, “Anything for you,” he murmurs, swinging your legs between his arms as he lifts you like a feather. 

On his lap again, you soon accept that the way you two mesh like puzzle pieces is one of your favorite positions as it gives you both equal space to ravish each other. 

Just when your hand trails to the waistband of his boxer briefs and you’re rolling your thumb over its collected moisture, the moment is shattered when the doorbell rings. You jump in his arms, unprepared for your moment to be interrupted. 

He groans into the crown of your hair, and you soften in his relaxed hold, “I ordered us pizza,” he nearly forgot. 

Perking your head up to look at him you regard him innocently, as if you didn’t release a waterfall on his sweats two seconds ago. “You got us pizza?” 

“I knew you’d be coming over tonight,” he’s pouting into your neck, regretting ever having called the pizza guy if he knew this would happen, “Victoria posted the publish date on Twitter. I just didn’t think,” he gestures vaguely to the mess on his pants, “this would happen.”  

“Damn, and here I thought I was being sneaky,” you chuckle, flicking his ear playfully. 

He gives you an uncharacteristically subby whine, shamelessly upset he has to let you go so fast after he’s given you your first of many highs. Before he weakens further under your beauty, he unceremoniously shoves you off. “Sorry, pretty girl,” you melt at the easy way his pet name rolls off his lips, “can you wait in my room for a bit so I can pay the delivery guy? I don’t want them to see you like this.” 

“But I want to eat pizza,” you declare stubbornly, standing up to button your blouse and pull down your skirt. 

Before you could fasten one button or pull down one centimeter, his hand darts out to snatch your wrist away from your body. It doesn’t hurt much, but it causes your body to heat in more places than one. He’s sexy like this, demanding your attention. “No,” he rumbles definitively, “my room. Now.” 

“Why?” you throw your hands in the air, yelping when he slaps your ass. He makes sure to make it sting, cupping you fully. 

“Because,” he says firmly, “you don’t get to eat until I eat,” you whimper when his hand reaches to cup your sex, panties wet and cold without his warmth as he pushes you in the direction of his bedroom. 

Oh, you can’t wait for both of you to eat tonight. 

some time later.

“Ohmygod the view is beautiful!” Krystal, who works in advertisement, squeals. “No filter needed!” 

“Alright alright, make room Princess,” Namjoon teases. With a bump to Krystal’s tiny hips Namjoon shoves you two across the pavilion, putting his arm around you once he finds the perfect angle, “Umji, can you get a pic of me and my Work Wife? I want this on the Big Hit Instagram!” 

You hold your straw sunhat down from the salty wind, smiling beautifully as Umji takes multiple pictures of you and Namjoon from her Nikon. Another successful year under your notch, ending with a successful work retreat. 

“Namjoon, can I take a picture with my actual wife now?” 

“We’re not married, Jungkook,” you chastise, patting the chest of Namjoon’s floral printed Hawaiian shirt so he can switch. Instantly, Jungkook slides up next to you like a picture perfect stock model piece, and you wrap your arms around his trim waist, “we’re not even engaged.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he pouts, looking over the pavilion and adjusting the both of you so there’s a good amount of you and the resort in the background. The sun may be scathingly hot, but it looks beautiful perched over the crystal clear waters. “Namjoon, you got it easy,” Jungkook says when he hands him your phone, “every angle is our good angle, so you can’t mess it up.” 

Being the honest man he is, Namjoon knows better and doesn’t say anything to that. Instead he shoots down whatever pineapple-flavored concoction is offered to him on a silver platter, and starts shooting. 

“Is this swimsuit new?” Jungkook murmurs into your ear between shots, flicking your little red number by the strap connecting the back, “because I didn’t see this in the luggage.” 

You smile big, pearly whites as Namjoon demands to pop out your butt and work it, pressing your body closer to Jungkook’s. “Tiny enough so I could hide it in my purse,” you reply proudly, voice low for only each other’s ears, “why, surprised?” 

“Definitely not prepared,” his fingers dig deliciously in your bare flesh, “would Victoria fire you if she catches us doing it in the cabana?” 

Amused that your boyfriend now shares your combined awe and fear of your boss, you twist his nipple lightly. He yelps, and from Namjoon’s guaff he’s definitely got that on camera. “We didn’t come to Boracay to fuck in the cabana.” 

“Then the hotel room?” 

Namjoon hands you back your phone when he considers his job done, letting you and Jungkook have some alone time. You wave your phone in his face, trying to get him to focus on the task at hand. You wanted to post some cute pictures of you and your boyfriend, one to impress the family back home and the Big Hit interns back in Seoul who are absolutely pining for your position. 

“Jungkook, they have the water ski thing where you can flip in the water mid air! Doesn’t that sound fun? Or we can go scuba diving, have Filipino food, or get massages. LIterally, we’re on Big Hit’s dime, and the first thing you want to do is go back to the room?” 

“Yes,” he pouts petulantly, leaning into the hollow of your ear and whispering, “got a chub on.” 

Discreetly so, your hands brush against his navy trunks and you note yes, he’s half hard. “No!” you shake your head definitively, pushing him out of your arms. You’re not letting sex get in the way of your hard-earned vacation, you’re on company dime and you intend to milk every peso of it. “Namjoon, take him away!” 

You blow him a kiss and follow another group who’s decided to go eat, watching your boyfriend get dragged away by Namjoon’s long arms. Krystal, who’s been mildly watching the whole ordeal in-between taking selfies, looks at you in awe, “You got it good, bosslady,” she says, and you happily link arms with her in the direction of the restaurants. 

You and Jungkook definitely have it good. You don’t see him until dinnertime, looking utterly relaxed as he sips on a mango-muddled concoction. He must’ve gotten a couples massage with Namjoon, cute. Splitting up was definitely a good idea, by the time your meal arrives the two of you are practically leaning against each other, telling each other what events you need to do tomorrow and events you think will be fun to do together. 

“Joon,” Jungkook is throwing an arm over your Wusband’s shoulder, mildly tipsy. The image is adorable, as Jungkook long ago previously confessed that he felt a little jealous of Namjoon’s work relationship with you before you were dating. Now, it feels like they’re best friends and you’re third-wheeling. “What do you think about having halo-halo tomorrow? It’s like bingsu but with a bunch of other good stuffs. There’s red bean, mango, ube, ice cream…” 

Just as Jungkook begins his tirade of dessert ingredients, you pull up your phone to check on your social media. You smile back at your profile, seeing your latest Instagram post at the very top of the feed. Not to flex, but the two of you look pretty smokin’ since you’ve been keeping up with Jungkook’s insistence to join him at the gym. Jungkook and you are leaning against the pristine veranda, overlooking the clear blue water and a cloudless sky. The smiles you two sport are genuine and utterly in love. 

You scroll down the comments, most of them filled with sweet messages but one of them has you doing a double take. 

@sooyaaa__: 😒😒😒 knew something was goin on behind my back… good riddance

The smell of Jungkook’s detergent overtakes your nostrils, and you turn to him. He’s stopped talking, now immersed in whatever’s going on in your phone. 

“The nerve of her,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, disgusted at her latest comment. “As if anyone would believe her.” 

“Yeah,” you echo, “I feel bad for her, though. She’s probably lonely.” 

“Her loss, she put this upon herself. Not us.” 

You pout, “I know, but she was my friend at one point.” 

He frowns, putting an arm behind your backrest. It would be easy for him to say yeah, and she was my girlfriend and one-up you, leaving it at that. But now he knows better, and that friendship is a much better value than an ill-fated relationship. “Sorry baby,” it’s not his fault, but he sees your disappointment in putting out hope for an old friend. He gives you a little smooch on your temple, “do you miss her?” 

“The old her, yeah,” you sigh, clicking on her profile, “but now? I can do without her negativity.” 

“Okay,” he takes your phone from your hand, “have you ever blocked a person before?”

“No.”

“Well, today’s the day,” he says it so coolly, you barely have time to think when he clicks the ‘block’ button on Jisoo’s profile, then clicking off his phone to put in his pocket. “No more phone for today,” he proceeds to take your plate that was recently served, taking the time to cut your large vegetables into smaller portions. “Like you said, we shouldn’t waste your vacation time.” 

Your heart swells with butterflies for Jeon Jungkook, who’s meticulously cutting your food and telling you to relax and stop dwelling on the past. He’s right, if Jisoo’s not going to stick around for the future and continue to cause negativity in your life, why not keep the positives in the past while it lasted? 

“You know I love you, right?” 

He ceases cutting, and looks at you to pop a sweet potato in his mouth. “Love me enough to do it in the cabana?” 

He’s still on that? “Jungkook,” you warn, pretending to get up, “forget I said anything. I’m gonna go karaoke with Umji.” 

“Kiddingggg,” he whines, pulling you back down with an outstretched hand, “you know I love you too.” 

“You’re terrible.” 

“Only this way because I’d know you’d totally be into cabana sex if we were vacationing by ourselves.” 

“Yes, but you’re still terrible,” you giggle when Jungkook steals a kiss, just as easy as he’s stolen your heart.  

[comradedream]

hi! im not the same anon as the one who joined a week ago but im also really new (like 1 month) and i was wondering how their behaviour changed? like as someone who watched them for that long what would you say are the biggest differences?

omg u also joined a bit before last week im sorryyy props to u for not leaving it behind 😭😭 welcome to the communityyyy i promise it’s usually more bearable than that ❤️

ummm well ok that’s kind of a big question cuz theyve been doing content since 2019 so there’s been a billion changes and encompassing them Well and Fully in one reply seems near impossible without rambling and being nonsensical but ill give u a few, the evolution of their flirting and also some random changes under da Cut ^_^ BC I DID END UP RAMBLING

their flirting has evolved HELLAAAAA and i have no fucking idea how to do full on summaries so im gonna make it as loose as possible 😭 very early on it was way more joking, more lighthearted, kinda teasing. and then itd go to like. serious commentary on their Jealousy w a /hj. SOOOO MUCH MORE TENSION LIKEEEE so intimate sometimes id constantly feel like i was intruding by watching. then incorporating 'jokes' about explicitly sexual/romantic stuff into their dynamic and NORMALIZING IT. so much of everything was kind of a push and pull ? like pushing platonic lines and after theyd blur or get rid of a line that behavior would become a regular and accepted as the norm w them (like them talking abt having sex.....) also it used to constantly felt like there was like a grapple for the upper hand, theyd love exposing texts and stuff lawl, theyd love flustering the other, stuff like that. it also felt like so much was dancing around each other ???? kinda will they wont they vibes Ykwim

while NOOOOW while now they just seem like. content.? very comfortable with, at peace w, whatever it is that they are, just like. soft and fond of each other as hell and hardcore Attached At The Hip. one of the reasons ppl think theyre dating is just this just that theres no more overt bold as hell flirting, no more dancing around, no more trying to prove something.? almost like now they know they like the other and the other likes them and there is some sort of label in place there now lawl aha

big differences mmmm well the move for one! dream used to b more pragmatic so they joked ab getting houses next to each other but now he bought a new house for dteam 😞 wait one of my compilations is ab this here smirking emoji. theyre sm softer w each other dude idrk how to emphasize this enough THEYRE SO SOFT. SO GENTLE. ALL GIGGLY AND FOND AND TENDER AND DOMESTIC..... it wasnt always like this gothic font u dont understand dream used to say Dude /not romantic he used to talk to him like he talks to Every Other Man george DOESNT ACT LIKE THIS W ANYONE ELSE HES SOOOO FOND OF HIM HES LET HIMSELF OPEN UP SAUR MUCHHH DREAM IS HIS SAFE SPACE 😭🌟 what else Ummmmm way way more attached to each other. wasnt always as much as this. both r more openly toxic about other dng ships. more attentive, more aware of everything ab each other, george wants to know Everything dream texts to ppl like karl and sapnap WHEN HE ISNT EVEN IN THE CALL 😭 dreams fawking fanart likes r so much more /r and dnf focused and he LIKED KISSING ON DA LIPS ART. HE NEVER DID THAT BEFORE. skipping group streams to be together in private, always leaving streams at the same time when they do. LONGER AND MORE FREQUENT CALLS. they rarely ever go unsynced anymore. george never use to say things like "yeah u are gonna hold my hands dream" in private 😟 their tunnel visioning on each other is SAURRR MUCH WORSE ITS ALWAYS BEEN AN ISSUE BUT ITS SM WORSE. third-wheel everyone harder u saw last nights podcast. dreams buying him things for no reason literally all the time now hes always done it but everything is multiplied now. DREAM NEVER GUSHED THIS MUCH THIS OFTEN AB GEORGE..... saying hes the light in the room ?! one of his 3 favorite things ?!

THATS JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD .

ANYWAY IDKKKK THERES A LOTTTT i wrote sm that i deleted bc i was literally just rambling and full info dumping mode 😭 u can dm me too or ask specifics ill get u vods and everything AMAAA xoxo

[mozukumi]

HI I SAW UR MANKAI SWAP AU AND I NEARLY DROPPED MY PHONE GETTING HERE!! SO ANW IM CURIOUS ABT THE 27 YEAR OLDS + 17 YEAR OLDS IN THIS PLEASE PLEASE GO HAM IN EXPLAINING IM SO INTRIGUED

HELP YOUR PHONE!!

this ask is SO sweet though i'm so excited. ask and you Shall Receive. For context, this is referencing art I did of Itaru and Masumi in the mAnkAi swAp AU , where ages get shuffled around.

This got Really Long, so I'll place my explainations under the cut.

I'll start with the 27 year olds, because first and foremost I need to explain...

Juza Hyodo - This entire AU was started from one conversation: going off of how Sakyo saw a lot of his younger self in Juza, what would the reverse be like? What if Juza was the older yakuza, and Sakyo was the gruff teen

The whole deal with Kumon and his baseball team happens as in canon. However, in this verse, some members of the team get really pissed that Kumon 'made them lose' the championship, and attacked him in revenge.

Kumon needed expensive surgery to recover from his injuries - and the Hyodo family didn't have that kind of money. So Juza decided to join the yakuza to make that money, after a meeting with the chairman (the original one, not Azami).

Ever since joining the yakuza, Juza hasn't contacted his family, too ashamed by what he does, and too worried that it's come back to haunt them. Instead, he just sends them money every month - they realize he's alive, but they just can't find him.

His relationship with Sakoda (who remains the same age in this AU) is a lot more gentle and brotherly then the one Sakyo has with him - partially because Sakoda's youthful energy reminds him of Kumon.

Banri Settsu - The three people who made this AU are Juban and Sakyoizu shippers. So obviously, when we swapped out Juza for Sakyo, we had the realization that this would make Banri the director. And then the yeast really started to form in our minds.

Desperate, he finds a help wanted listing for the Director of the MANKAI Company - a formerly prosperous company that’s now dead after its former director left a year ago. So he said fuck it, despite not having any experience in theater, because he just wanted anything - anything to make him feel passionate.

As a director, he’s definitely more lax then Izumi - where she would tell a kid to go to school if she saw them skipping, he’d just say “lmao you’ve made sure you have enough absences right kiddo”. He still definitely cares about all of the company, though. He is going to win at being the director of a theater company, something which is both normal to want and possible to achieve.

Sakuya Sakuma - Already a member of the company before Banri arrives, Sakuya is a freeter who was moved by 16 year old Matsukawa’s impassionate plea for actors, and decided to join the company because he realized he didn’t feel fulfilled in his life. His general vibe is still the same - it’s his hope to make everybody smile through his acting - but now he has Dad energy instead of Son energy.

And for the 17 year olds:

Itaru Chigasaki - The whole deal with his sister telling him to become a sickly prince and his subsequent friendship/fallout with Tonooka remain as in canon. We pick up his story right after he’s been exposed as being a fraud. So he’s in a pretty bad place: everybody in the school has turned against him, he’s back to having no friends, and he’s having to grapple with the horrifying prospect of keeping up this act his entire life. People began to hate him immediately after he showed his true self, just like his sister said. Was he going to have to play the prince forever? Was this his destiny?

When his gaming rival, NEO, made his ranking description “come audition @ mankai company” in on of the gacha games he played, Itaru decided to go. He was already at his lowest social standing. Even becoming a theater kid couldn’t bring him any lower. At least this way, he’d get out of the house.

this is what I mean by “ranking description”, idk if that’s the right name for them.

Itaru’s conflict is about a) learning to abandon his princely character and b) learning that he doesn’t have to fear growing up. In Banri, he gets to see an adult who is unabashedly interested in video games and is still regarded as ‘responsible’. And um, having Banri as your role model probably isn’t the best idea? But like, he’s vibing.

Tasuku Takato and Tsumugi Tsukioka - I’m placing them together bc Do Not Seperate and also it’s easier to talk about the changes to their story with them together lol.

So, there’s no GOD-za seperation here - so no divorce arc. Instead, they’re still childhood best friends, and their main conflict is about getting into university. They’re both pushing themselves way too hard studying, because they want to go to the same fancy arts school - but they both have their own worries about what will happen if one of them gets rejected. 

Thank you so much for asking this, and thank you so much for reading this far. I am constantly thinking about this and it means a lot that somebody out there would care!

[peggyrose19]

Hold Me While You Wait

Welcome to part 2 of me writing St. Tweedle instead of sleeping! What can I say, they’re fun. So here’s Remus finding out about the two of them. ( if you know the song from the title you get a gold star) also in case you weren’t aware i don’t know how actual conversations work.

characters by @lumosinlove

@im-oknutzy-trash, @wonder-womans-ex

Luke found himself fiddling as he waited in his room. He didn’t normally get so antsy, could usually keep a relatively calm exterior. But in his room, hidden from curious eyes, his walls dropped, letting his nerves peek through. His expression, staring back at him from the mirror he stood in front of, was stony and pale.

“Relax,” a familiar voice said. Luke didn’t even flinch, so familiar by now with Saint’s random appearances. 

“How am I supposed to relax?” he asked exasperatedly, moving on from the buttons of his jacket to his cuffs. He didn’t look at Saint, but could hear him moving, could imagine his lithe body sliding through the window, blond hair catching the last strains of golden sunlight. He could picture the smirk too, as Saint came up behind him, close enough to touch. 

“It’s just Remus,” Saint murmured softly, surveying Luke in the full-length mirror they stood before. Luke watched his face in the glass. “We hang out with him all the time. And besides,” he added, “you look good. No need to fix what isn’t broken.”

Luke turned to face Saint, mere breaths separating them. “When did you become all philosophical?”

There was a softer side to Saint, Luke had discovered over the past few months. One that only came out when they were alone, as if Saint was afraid of anyone else knowing that he did actually have a heart. And he cared a lot more than he ever let on. That was the thing about Saint. He always held things inside. He was this wild swirling storm of emotions, warring with each other constantly and held at bay by an icy wall of sharp wit and easy sarcasm. Luke liked to tell himself that it was him who brought Saint’s walls down, let him show that delicate interior beneath. 

“It’s all your fault,” Saint replied then, and Luke smiled. “You’re a bad influence on me, Tweedle, what can I say?”

Luke smiled, and leaned forward to kiss Saint gently. He too was softer with Saint than anybody else, letting him see the caring parts of himself. There was something about Saint that felt safe, felt like home. 

“Tell me it will all be okay.”

Saint’s expression flickered. “Well, I can’t tell you that, Tweedle,” he replied, not unkindly. “I can’t control it, can I? And I mean, he’s your friend, is he not? You should know better than to ask me, what do I know of Remus Lupin? That he’s mad? That he’s in love with Sirius? That’s about all I can give you, babe.”

Luke knew that wasn’t true—from the gleam in Saint’s eyes he did too—but he also knew that wasn’t Saint’s intention. Saint had never been the type of person to respond with logic. His intention was always to make Luke smile, to distract him. And most of the time it worked. Saint had an uncanny ability to pull your focus away, make you think of something else entirely different in a mere sentence or two. In this case, he was once again successful. 

“Wait, Remus is in love with Sirius?” he asked.

Saint shrugged. “I dunno. He certainly stares at him enough though. It’s like they both have hearts for eyes these days, I swear.”

Luke just blinked. “Since when have they been together?” Saint shrugged again. Luke spluttered. 

“Have you not noticed?” Saint asked amusedly. “Jesus Christ, he’s your best friend is he not? Must I do everything?” Luke stifled a laugh at Saint’s dramatics. 

He had noticed Remus acting differently lately if he was honest, cagey and inconsistent, disappearing randomly throughout the day and reappearing with flushed cheeks or the occasional bruise. The more he thought about it, the more it all began to make sense. How Sirius never seemed to be around when Remus was missing. The way they always seemed to end up beside each other when they all hung out together. The sudden—or maybe not so sudden—lack of animosity between the two. He just wondered how the hell Saint had noticed before him. 

Luke was pulled from his thoughts by the light brush of Saint’s lips against his own. He smiled into the kiss, let Saint push him back until he hit the wall, let his hands slip under the edge of Saint’s t-shirt. Saint always kissed like a burning fire. Pushing and taking, meeting Luke step for step. It had always been that way, ever since that very first kiss right here in this room, the two of them pushing and pulling, taking and giving what the other put down. 

A knock at the door startled them apart. Standing in the doorway was Remus, staring at them with wide eyes. Luke felt like his heart had stopped. 

“Remus.” 

“Um. Hi.” 

Remus stood there awkwardly, not moving. He looked truly surprised, Luke noted as he studied his face and desperately tried to control his own pounding heart. As his breathing began to slow, he noticed Saint had stepped nearly to the other side of the room, seemingly trying to put as much space between them as he possibly could. Luke tried not to feel offended by it; it’s not like they could pretend they weren’t just making out thirty seconds ago. 

“What’re you doing here?” 

“I was coming to get you. We were supposed to leave five minutes ago? The party, remember?”

“I remember,” Luke replied faintly, still grappling with the sudden change. 

Luke had known Remus would find out eventually, had known he really should have told him back when it first started. Remus was his best friend after all, they trusted each other with almost everything. Almost. Some things gave him pause though, not because of Remus but because of himself. It was hard to trust someone completely, was something Luke had learned when his father had been arrested. You never truly knew everything about a person. 

“So…” Remus started awkwardly. “Are you two like, together or…?” 

“Um,” coughed Luke. “Something like that.” 

Saint stayed eerily quiet. Luke glanced over at him quickly, finding his face stony and pale. It was uncharacteristic of him, and a bit disconcerting to see that vibrant color drained from his face. 

“Oh well, uh. Good for you, I guess.” 

“Could you give us a minute?” Luke asked, gaze flitting back to Saint. Remus watched him warily for a second but he nodded and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Luke had the fleeting thought that he was only going to listen through the wall, but he pushed it from his mind. Remus wasn’t like that.

Luke turned to Saint, stepping cautiously toward him the way one might approach a spooked horse. “You alright?” he asked softly. 

Saint’s gaze snapped to his, icy cold for only a single moment. Then his face crumbled. He said nothing, simply stepped closer to Luke and pulled him in, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Luke’s eyes slipped shut and he felt Saint lean into him. He took the weight silently, nuzzling against Saint’s neck and breathing in the familiar smell of sea salt and fresh air.

 He didn’t pull back until Saint did, cradling his face in gentle hands and looking into those lost hazel eyes. 

“It’s just Remus, remember?”

Saint sniffled. “Damn you Tweedle.” 

Luke smiled. “Come on.” He held out his hand and, surprisingly, Saint took it. They headed for the door and, when Luke opened it, Remus was waiting on the other side.

“I’m sorry,” Luke blurted out then, surprising even himself. If possible, Remus’ eyes grew wider.

“What are you sorry for?” 

“Not telling you.” 

Remus sighed. “It’s… I mean, do I wish you would have told me? Yeah. Am I gonna make you tell me everything? No. Besides, I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I did.” He swallowed hard. “There’s something you should know.”

“About you and Sirius, I know,” Luke interrupted, wanting to stop the terrified look on his friend’s face. It seemed that fear didn’t go away, even with those you were closest to. 

“You know?” 

“Yeah. Well. Saint told me. I wouldn’t have figured it out.”

Remus’ gaze shifted to Saint, who just smirked and shrugged as if to say ‘what can I say, you aren’t subtle’. At least, that’s what Luke got out of it. 

“Oh. Well uh… guess that makes this night a bit easier then.” 

“Guess it does.”

Saint sighed long-sufferingly, that indifferent mask fixed back on. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, let’s go.” 

Luke couldn’t help a small smile, but it hurt his heart that Saint felt the need to pretend around everyone, even their friends. It was true that Remus was more his friend than Saint’s, but they had gotten closer over the past few months. On occasion, Saint had even been polite. But Luke should have known that wouldn’t be enough. Saint didn’t trust people, didn’t open up to them. He still found it miraculous Saint ever opened up to him. 

“Luke, you coming?” Remus asked, and Luke glanced up to see both him and Saint standing at the top of the stairs waiting for him. 

“Yeah.” 

Luke grabbed Saint’s hand again as they headed down the stairs towards the front door, squeezing gently. Saint glanced at him curiously, once. But he didn’t say anything, and he didn’t pull away. 

When they reached the first floor, Remus headed outside without a second thought, but Luke paused, pulling Saint towards him.

“Hey,” he whispered, Saint falling against him. Their lips met, just a brush of a kiss, before Luke pulled back again to look at Saint fully. “Are you okay? Truthfully.”

Saint smiled Luke’s favorite smile. “I’m fine.”

“Good.”

With another gentle kiss, Luke let Saint go and followed him outside into the cool night air to where Remus was waiting.

[sneezefiction]

meet the family

Tsukishima x Reader - Scenario

request: “hii gracie🥺 i've kinda been obsessed with ur stuff recently and just wanted to a scenario with tsuki having a s/o (fem reader but idrc honestly) who has really protective brothers and has to like try and "earn" their respect idkkk but yea im totaallyyy not requesting this cause i have really protective brothers.... :/ anyways again i love ir stuff hope u have a good day:) -🕊”

a/n: ahhh i enjoyed writing this so much !! it really helped me tap into Tsukki’s personality a bit more. thank you so much for the request <3

warnings: anxiety, low self-esteem

wc: 1050

---

“They’re gonna hate me.” 

“No, they won’t.”

“They’ll think I’m lame.” He counters.

“But you’re not.” 

“How long do we have to stay for?”

“It’s just dinner, Tsukki, you’ll be fine.” Your reassuring voice helping calm his nerves, even if just by a little bit.

The questions and statements are scattered throughout the length of the car ride. Tsukki’s fingers lightly drumming on his thigh. Trickling down the window, the tapping of gentle raindrops doing their best to soothe the passengers inside. You delicately place your free hand onto his, the other carefully gripped around the steering wheel.

You glance over.

He cleaned up so nicely for tonight, knowing how important it was for him to meet your family. You helped him pick up a pair of skinny, dark jeans and a dressier top. The colors in the shirt made his beautiful, honey-brown eyes pop. 

And you love those eyes… but right now they’re anxious.

It took many months of dating and several brutally honest, late-night conversations, but you eventually learned just how severely Tsukki struggles with self-confidence.

Your heart sinks, knowing the internal dialogue going on inside him. The one that’s at war with his more logical side. Tsukishima has learned how to stand up against the darker demons, but that doesn’t mean he’s not ferociously battling to find his worth.

However, tonight is especially rough because there’s one tiny detail he can’t seem to get over.

Your brothers.

From how you described them, he was pretty sure they’d want nothing to do with him. That he’d be regarded as a piece of trash, in need of throwing out. 

Because Tsukishima isn’t exactly a sweet guy.

He’s also not fazed by others disliking him. He already dislikes himself enough as it is. So confidence doesn’t affect how he lives his day to day life… but it definitely affects how close he is willing to get to a person. 

In all honesty, Tsukki showcases his worst traits so that only those who really want to be near him, will stick around in the end.

But somehow, even with his rudest comments and his standoffish demeanor, you gravitated toward him. You made it clear that this wasn’t a short term interest. You aren’t some shooting star, acting as a wish giver, getting his hopes up only to sail right past him.

He doesn’t deserve you.

He’s sure your brothers will realize this and make it known to you.

But, for now, you actually want him.

And you make him feel wanted.

So here he is, one year into the relationship, mentally preparing for his demise. All for you.

You pull up in the bumpy, gravel driveway, your palm still warming up the top of his hand. Car doors click open and shoes crunch around on the pebbly ground.

You make your way up the steps of your old, familiar home, a heavy wave of nostalgia washing over you.

Tsukki follows right up, meeting you at your side and gently grasps a couple of your fingers. It’s his way of saying, “I’ll be okay.” You let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding in.

A couple knocks on the door and you’re welcomed swiftly by warm, enthusiastic faces. Your two brothers bring you into a group hug of sorts as you reconnect for the first time many months. 

Their gazes then wander over to Tsukishima, eyes looking up and down, sizing him up, identifying their sister’s first longterm boyfriend.

Tsukki holds his stoic face for a moment and then lets a friendly smile shine through. He has perfected the art of squashing his nerves in front of normal human eyes. Only you can tell he’s grappling with his mind in this moment.

“Boys, meet Tsukishima. Tsukishima these are my brothers!” You introduce calmly, signaling your brothers to greet him with the same energy they gave you.

“Hey, Tsukishima, how goes it?” One of the two speaks up.

“Nice to meet you both. It’s going fine, the drive was really pleasant.” Tsukki responds cordially.

“Oh, I’m sure it was. Both of you come on inside.” The other replies, leading you indoors.

You make yourself at home, kicking off shoes and hanging up your jacket.

You turn around only to realize that your boyfriend is suddenly missing along with the other two boys.

Poor fella, I hope they don’t do anything strange, you hope to yourself.

---

Ah, of course. Confrontation, my favorite, Tsukki mentally remarks. Apparently, even under stress, he still manages to drip in sarcasm.

Your brothers have quietly pulled him aside in the short time you took your eyes off him.

Oh, what he would give to be back at home, lying down and listening to music with your arms wrapped around him.

But the thought is short-lived. He’s eye to eye with your family and needs to take whatever shit he needs to take to get through tonight. 

“Look,” The taller one of your brothers starts, “clearly y/n likes you a lot.”

Not exactly the most intimidating way to start an interrogation, Tsukki muses.

“And we want her to be happy…” continues the other.

Tsukki nods slowly, waiting for the “but.”

“So are you willing to do that for us?” They finish, one of them setting a firm, trusting hand on his shoulder.

“Because we want to like you, but first we have to like how you treat our y/n.”

Tsukishima’s eyes widen only by a fraction, but he’s sincerely confused. He was expecting something… tougher? Scarier? Hell, he’d anticipated being roughed up at least a little bit.

But it was nothing like what he’d imagined. It was short and to the point. They just needed to know that he would be there for you, since they can’t always be by your side, fending of your enemies and fears.

Their question isn’t a difficult one to answer.

He wants what’s best for you because he loves you. He would do anything to make sure you were secure and cherished.

The words come easily to Tsukishima’s lips.

“...Yes. You can trust me with y/n.” Tsukki nods thoughtfully. 

“I won’t ever hurt her or let anyone touch her.” He promises them. It’s simple, but honest.

He was overthinking it the entire time. Your brothers didn’t want him out of your life… they just wanted you protected. Safe and cared for. Treated with respect and integrity.

They don’t hate him.

They don’t think he’s lame.

But it’s definitely not “just dinner.”

No, this is just the beginning of Tsukishima’s proving himself to you. Proving himself to your family, that he can love you well.

That he can defend you.

Fight for you.

So he reconvenes with you for dinner with a newfound conviction, thanks to your brothers.

He now knows he has to be confident. Confident in himself and in his choices.

If not for him, at least for you.

[insane-control-room]

Poison

[check out the gif vers on twitter :)]

Ao3 Link

The moment after Spy put his cigarette to his lips, Engineer stepped forward and wrapped him into a hug, holding onto him as though his life depended on it.

"Never do that again."

tws: temp death, minor violence, broken bone

Scout’s hearing was a little messed up as he was trying to wake up. That was relatively normal for him. What was not normal was the fact that he could hear other voices that he did not recognize in the slightest. The first few weeks at Teufort had a similar effect, and negatively impacted his performance more than he would have liked, but that made for a colossal swingback once he was able to get some proper sleep.

So hearing new voices that he was certain should not be there set off alarm bells in his head.

“Kid’s still asleep, I guess.”

Part of Scout was indignant at being called a kid, but the other part agreed with that gruff, low voice. Pretending to be asleep in a hostile situation could be pretty beneficial to him.

“Well, it doesn’t matter too much,” another voice hissed. “Grab him and go. We’ve already got his y factor, and that’s what does matter. The brat doesn’t matter at all, really, but we need him to get to what we want.”

Scout stiffened, but tried not to let it show, as he had been picked up by someone who might have been just a little smaller than Heavy. They carried him out of the hall, and he squinted at his desk to catch a glimpse of the time from his golden baseball themed alarm clock. He had received it anonymously on his birthday, and while none of his teammates admitted it, Engineer did inform him that the compound was actual gold, and not just painted. He felt a warm glow every time he saw the time on it, and this time, though stressful, was no different as he beheld the yellowish 3:41.

Too damn early for this, in other words.

Scout knew he was taken outside when he felt the cool air on his face. He immediately recognized the buzzing, spaztic sounds of sapped sentries. That in turn made him wonder where Engineer was, questioning why he had not fixed the problem, and decided firmly that he did not want to think about that too much.

“Good, you brought him,” a high pitched voice that Scout very much disliked giggled. “Now the real fun can start.”

Scout was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor, and he popped right back up, folding his arms and giving a dissatisfied scowl.

“Ey, careful with the merchandise, Mann,” he snapped at Olivia. She only smiled wider, contrasted by the green uniforms of her miniature militia. “I don’t need any of this crap right now. What the hell do you want with me?”

“Oh, I don’t want anything with you,” she clarified, unnerving Scout all the more. Something was dead wrong with that kid. She did not act like a child in the slightest. “I want something from him, and he’s being very stubborn and not talking!”

As she spoke, Scout’s blue eyes followed the general motion of her hands and felt horror bubbling up in him at the sight of Spy. His suit was torn and bloodied, one of his eyes certainly swollen, and his arms were bound behind his back, his ankles added by another length of material that Scout did not recognize at all.

Olivia followed his gaze and smiled again.

“That’s a special type of rope I had made just for him,” she giggled again. “Frank was such a sweetheart to create it to my specifications. The more he struggles, the tighter it gets. He learned his lesson, now, didn’t you Mr. Spy?”

Spy spat some blood in her general direction instead of answering, but Scout winced nonetheless, knowing the truth behind the silent reply. Olivia snapped her fingers, and one of her grunts kicked Spy in the stomach.

“No, no,” Olivia shook her head. “Enough of torturing poor Mr. Spy. We’ve got a new playmate!”

Scout, who had been backing away to run for help, spun on his heel and booked it. A grapple grabbed his back, and at least five Gs of pressure exerted on his spine as he was snapped back. It made him scream out. Spy stared down at the ground in front of himself, not trusting himself to keep his resolve if he watched. They both were aware that Scout yelled about every minor injury, but neither wanted to see him hurt any more than that.

“Now, we all know that your precious respawn is down,” Olivia booped Scout on the nose. “And I really don’t want to kill you. Neither of you. But you, running man, have a lot less keeping your string going.”

“Merde, he’s just a child!” Spy struggled to speak with his cut lips. “He has a whole life ahead of him!”

“Will you talk, then?” Olivia challenged, stepping over towards Spy. Scout was firmly held between two of her cronies. “I would really appreciate knowing where that Austrailium is.”

Scout’s eyes went wide. Spy’s functional one met his, and Scout shook his head slightly, agreeing with the older man. If Olivia got access to any of that rare mineral, then they might as well kiss their lives goodbye regardless of killer robots or not.

Spy went quiet again.

“Break his wrist.” Olivia casually tossed the instructions over her shoulder, and Scout barely had a moment to think before the men grabbed his arm and hand, then twisted. He screamed the whole way through and peaked at the snap, yet could not even press his injured hand to his stomach as he had been grabbed again. Sure, he had broken his wrist before, what the hell did you think the guards were for, just punching? but this was deliberately slow and painful. “Talk, please. Tell me where the Australium is, and then I’ll leave you both alone. If you don’t… well, I wonder what kind of running career a man with broken femurs and spine could have.”

Spy howled in frustration, the tears that had been in his eyes from pain rising up with the torrent.

“This is not-” he struggled to compose himself, accidentally tightening the ropes on him as he tried to get into a more honorable position. “Leave him out of this.”

“Well, you, no matter how hard you hurt, aren’t talking!” Olivia barked, making both lanky men wince with the sheer adultness in her voice, yet at least the words she said were a little childish. “And I need my answers! So I’ll hurt the ones you love most! I know how much money and effort you spend and struggle with this one. A few DNA tests helped a bit too, but you practically admitted it yourself a couple of times.”

Scout tried his best not to listen to the treacherous words coming from the mouth of a child. He and Spy were… complicated. Spy did care about him, in his awkward way, and did dote on him compared to the other members of the team (well, they all doted on him in their own ways), but Scout, he knew that there was an iceberg between them that neither wanted to address, especially not in this way.

“Just leave him alone,” Spy begged. “His mother would kill me.”

Olivia shrugged.

“Then you’d both be dead.”

Spy swore under his breath, shifting uncomfortably. Scout gave him a look, telling him through a puffed chest and slight smirk that he could handle this, no matter what. If Spy could handle getting his ass handed to him on the dirt, then Scout could too. Hell, he even died before. This would be an easy game in comparison.

“I will not tell you where the Australium is.”

“That’s a pity,” Olivia sighed, pouting. “Well, then break the little runner’s leg.”

“Whoa, whoa, settle down there, little Miss Mann,” Spy and Scout almost cried out of relief, Engineer, coming in without a single weapon aside a fancy looking wrench. His overalls had been hastily pulled over his t-shirt pajamas, and the bit of grease on his face told of a man who had repaired his machines before going on out. “Let’s talk this out like civilized folk.”

“Hmph, hello Dr. Conagher,” Olivia nodded as politely as she could. “I guess I could try doing that.”

“Well, if you ask me, none of us would be in any of this mess had people just opened their hearts and mouths a bit more,” Engineer smiled, though it was impossible to see where he was looking. Olivia sat down at a solid looking table, and pointed to the chair beside her. Engineer cautiously made his way to sit down, running on a wish and a prayer. “Don’t you agree, ma’am?”

She blushed, clearly not used to southern charm nor being spoken to so sweetly, and she tampered down her confused emotions by drawing the knife from under the table and swiftly stabbing Engineer’s hand right through onto the table, and a sapper went just as neatly onto his Gunslinger.

“Engie!” Scout shouted at the same time Spy gasped, “Ingénieur!”

Said man had no reaction to their concern. Instead, he stared at the wound for a moment, then at his no longer functional prosthetic.

“Well, shucks.” he commented, as if the situation was as mundane as finding out your trashcan had been toppled in the night by Soldier’s raccoon. “I walked right into that, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” she sniffed arrogantly. “And now, I can get back to the point.”

She punctuated the last word with a spin and slap to Spy’s already tender face.

“Hey, hey, don’t hurt ‘im,” Engineer protested. A bit of his blood started dripping down the table from his elbow. “He gave you his answer, he doesn’t want to talk. I dunno what you want, but it’s not worth killing two defenseless men.”

“Oh, you’d disagree if you knew what I was looking for,” Olivia sneered. “It’s only the most important thing in the world.”

“Love?” Engineer asked with absolute befuddlement. Spy, Scout, and Olivia all laughed at his bewilderment, making him flush with a touch of embarrassment. “Well, it was worth a shot….”

“It was cute,” Olivia smiled. “But no cigar. Just like that one’s wishes that you were his father.”

Spy’s eyes flicked to Scout and then down to the ground in shame. He knew that Engineer was a better father figure towards Scout than he ever had been; though with said man’s encouragement, he was doing a little better.

“Come now, it’s actually really funny!” Olivia insisted through giggles. “Scout doesn’t look anything like Dr. Conagher, and he’s not even a quarter as smart!”

“Miss, that’s just plain rude,” Dell scolded. “Scout’s brilliant in his own ways. If I was in a situation that needed quick thinkin’, I’d ask Scoot for help.”

Scout glowed at the praise. Spy smiled at the sight.

“Well, he’s also a quarter as ugly as you,” Olivia sputtered, confused by his parental nature. Engineer’s eyebrows shot up, and Spy felt a little bad for him as he noticed the slight tinge growing on his cheeks. “It’s a wonder that he’s got a fancy for you at all! After all, his tastes are much more… fabulous and expensive than you.”

It took a moment for all three of them to process what she was saying. The little blush that was on Engineer’s cheeks grew tenfold. Scout stared at Spy, who seemed so shocked that he lost the ability to close his mouth at all.

Then he closed it with a resolve so strong they heard it crack.

Or rather, his new cyanide tooth.

“Spah, no!” Engineer yelped, panic audible in his voice for the first time that night. “No, spit that out right now!”

Spy gave him a smile that struggled to hold in the froth that built in his mouth, and swallowed. Scout heard screaming that he did not know was his own until Engineer snapped him out of it with a hoarse shout of his own.

“Damnit Spy!”

Olivia was just as miffed, with all due honesty. With a viciously sharp scowl, she pressed hard onto Spy’s throat with the bottom of her dainty shoe, and when she was sure he was dead, spat on his body. Engineer muttered a curse, pale and with water building up on the inside of his goggles.

“He’s useless now. Let the others go, we’re leaving,” she huffed, getting into her limousine. She threw at Engineer his wrench, no longer caring.

“Damnit, damn, goddamnit,” he whispered, shaking. The two men holding Scout let him go on Olivia’s signal, and he ran over to Engineer, his own vision blurring from sheer emotion that he tuned right out of. Before he or Engineer even realized, the group of their assailants had left. “Pull out the knife, Scout, swift and smooth.”

Scout, not trusting his voice, nodded and did as he was asked. Engineer let out a shaky sigh as he flexed his sore blue fingers, wrapping them around his wrench.

“Grab onto me.”

Again, Scout listened. Engineer gave a last glance to Spy’s corpse and there was a bright flash of light, whisking them to home respawn. No one else was there to greet them.

“He’s dead, isn't he?” Scout asked quietly. The tears he had been holding in slowly started to drip down his face.

“He ain’t dead ‘til three coroners say he is,” Engineer tried his best not to snap, but those words scared him more than he ever wanted to admit. Respawn was a quick little trick to immortality, but only as long as it was working, and as long as the body was able to handle it. “I’m going ta try an overwrite. I need ya to spit on this.”

“Wh- spit? On that panel?” Scout’s sadness shifted suddenly to confusion. “Why?”

“Just do it, boy,” Engineer pleaded. “Do it and hope with all your might that I can get this ta work.”

Scout did.

Heaven help him, he hoped.

Engineer pressed buttons, shifted knobs, and slid the panel back into place.

A minute passed.

Then another.

Engineer slammed his fist onto the mainframe, yanking off his goggles, the tears that had accumulated splashing onto the floor.

“Damnit!” he sobbed. “No!”

Scout hesitantly patted his shoulder, and Engineer swooped around to hug him, crying into the young man’s chest.

“‘M so sorry, Jeremy,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

A warm glow hit them, and Spy groaned, rushing to rinse his mouth.

“Disgusting,” he huffed, and then Scout punched him, hugging him immediately after. Spy hugged him back gently. “Thank you for the warm reception.”

He stepped away to light a cigarette, and looked up to see Engineer’s stare.

The moment after Spy put his cigarette to his lips, Engineer stepped forward and wrapped him into a hug, holding onto him as though his life depended on it.

"Never do that again." Engineer whispered against his neck and shoulder. He was trembling badly, hands gripping tightly onto Spy’s suit.

Spy slowly hugged him back, ignoring the smoldering cigarette.

“I won’t.”

[hopelikethemoon]

Falling Apart (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Falling Apart Rating: PG Length: 1600 Warnings: Angst (allusions to post-partum depression) Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in July 1997. Javier’s POV.  Summary: Javier grapples with the aftermath. 

@grapemama​ @seawhisperer​ @huliabitch​ @beccaplaying​ @beccaplaying​@thewallpapergoesorido​ @twomoonstwosuns​@gooddaykate​ @livasaurasrex​ @ham4arrow​@plexflexico @readsalot73​ @hdlynn​ @lokiaddicted​ @randomness501​ @fioccodineveautunnale​  @roxypeanut​ @snivellusim​ @lukesrighthand​ @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts​@ ​​​​​@awesomefandomsunited​​​​​​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper​@synystersilenceinblacknwhite​ @ah-callie​ @swhiskeys​ @exrebelshocktrooper​ @u-wakatoshii @space-floozy@cable-kenobi​ @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes​@findhimfives​@pedrosdoll​@frietiemeloen​@arrowswithwifi​ @random066​ @uncomicalhumour​ @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn @cyarikaaa​ @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​ @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl​@yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato @coredrive @pascalesque@theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar​ @sabinemorans​ @buckstaposition​@holkaskrosnou​ @yespolkadotkitty​@seeking-a-great–perhaps @kochamcie​@jaime1110​@katlikeme​

“Coffee?” Javier questioned as he rose from the kitchen table with his own coffee cup. His brows knit together as she lifted her gaze to stare back at him with visible indifference written on her face. 

“Sure.” She pushed the coffee mug to the edge, before picking up the newspaper that had been sitting idle on the table and flipping through it.

He hesitated, words forming at his lips, but he didn’t have the balls to actually speak them. Instead, he snatched up the mug and headed for the coffee pot. 

It felt like he was living with a stranger. 

The woman sitting at his kitchen table looked like the woman he loved, but everything about her felt wrong. Sometimes he still saw her — that glimmer of mischief that was followed by cold feet finding his leg beneath the covers; that raw sense of humor that meshed with his and drove their friends crazy. 

But most days it felt like she’d been replaced with a pod person who wanted nothing to do with him. She was stand-offish at best and entirely disinterested at the worst. 

Maybe he had understood her correctly. Maybe she truly was done with him. 

Javier was well aware of the fact that he’d been overbearing during those last few months of her pregnancy, but he hadn’t anticipated that his worry would turn into this festering wound that wouldn’t heal. 

“I was thinking about taking Josie to the park,” He started gently as he sat the coffee cup down on the table in front of her. 

“Newborns aren’t exactly park-friendly.” She retorted, folding the newspaper in half and sitting it aside as she reached for her mug. “I’ll just stay home.”

Javier took a sip of coffee as he sat down across from her, “I don’t mind handling Sofía—“

“You don’t mind handling her?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m perfectly capable of watching her at home. Alone.”

He swallowed thickly, nodding his head as he glanced down at his half eaten breakfast. His stomach turned in response to the coarse tone she’d taken with him. “Right.”

Where had he gone wrong? Was it the guilt he felt that had done this relationship in? Wasn’t that what precipitated her confession that she didn’t want to do this. 

Whatever it meant. 

No, he knew what she meant. 

And fuck if it wasn’t tearing him up inside. 

The idea of having to rebuild his life without her scared the shit out of him. It had been bad enough when there had been a few hours where he thought he’d have to plan her funeral — but somehow the idea of existing in the same world with and without her didn’t seem right. 

Javier rubbed at his jaw as he stared down at his coffee cup, brows drawn together as he considered how to navigate this perilous situation he found himself in. “I would really like for you to come with us. And I’m sure Josie would like to have the two of you there.”

She chewed on her bottom lip as she glanced at him briefly, “Alright.” She offered a shrug, before rising to her feet. “I’m going to take a shower, then.”

She hadn’t even touched her coffee. 

He sighed heavily as he watched her walk out of the kitchen. His gaze lingered on the empty space she had occupied, before he leaned forward on his elbows and raked his fingers through his hair. 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stood up to clean the table off. 

He’d already called his father to try to talk through the situation — to try to figure out why this was happening. But even that hadn’t helped. It was like she was drifting away at sea and he was completely helpless and drowning too. 

Steve and Connie had come to visit a few days ago and she’d seemed almost normal. But he wondered how much of that was just for show — she was good at putting up these false walls of emotion, to mask how she really felt. 

It pissed him off that he had gone through four years of psychology classes two decades ago and it did fuck all now when it really counted. 

And she was too damn good at performing in front of friends and family, Javier doubted Steve would believe him if he brought up the way she’d been acting around him. 

“Josie,” Javier started as he walked down the hallway to her bedroom, pushing the door open. “Can you get ready to go to the park?”

“But I already am dressed, daddy!” She said as she looked up from the Hot Wheels track she was building. 

“You can’t wear pajamas to the park,” Javier chuckled as he watched her adjust the tiara she had on. “Do you need help?”

Josie pursed her lips thoughtfully before nodding her head, “I want to look like a princess, like mommy.”

Javier smiled a little, “Your mommy is a princess, isn't she princesa?” He said as he pulled open the dresser drawers to find her something to wear. She had a plethora of dresses with like shorts sewn into the skirts — which were perfect for the park. 

What would life look like if all of this fell apart? Would he get the girls part of the time? He hadn’t had to have these thoughts since Colombia — back when everything hung in the balance. 

His father had talked him off that ledge, the last time they’d talked. Chucho was convinced that they were both stressed after everything that happened. He’d been there too, after all. He’d seen it firsthand. 

But the thought of packing his life back into a joyless apartment was a sobering thought to consider. 

“Hey babe,” She popped her head into Josie’s bedroom, fresh out of the shower and toweling off her wet hair, “Did you use the sunblock last? I can’t find it.” 

Javier perched on the edge of Josie’s bed, “Should be in the kitchen in the junk drawer.” 

“Perfect.” She smiled, like nothing was wrong and it felt like a genuine display of emotion. “Next time we go to the store, remind me that I’m out of my apricot scrub.”

“Alright,” Javier nodded, turning his attention back to Josie who was wrestling her way out of her pajama top. “I’ll put it on the list.”

“Josie, are you wearing a crown?”

Josie turned towards her mother, beaming from ear-to-ear, “I wanted to be a princess racecar dry-beaver.”

“You wanted to be a beaver?” She snorted. “Are you trying to say ‘driver,’ babydoll?”

Josie nodded her head, “A race dri-ber.”

“Close enough,” She grinned, looking towards Javier then. “How about ice cream after the park?”

“Ice cream?” Josie gasped dramatically. 

“I can’t say no, now.” He smirked, his heart beating a little faster. “Whatever you want, baby.” Whatever it would take to make her feel normal again — Javier was willing to try it. He’d walk on Legos barefoot if it meant normalcy could return to their lives. 

Sofía started crying in her nursery and her mother’s face fell. 

“Do you want me to get her so you can get ready?” Javier offered cautiously. 

“No.” She blinked slowly as she looked down the hall, “I’ve got her. Just get Josie ready.” 

“Come on, JoJo. Let’s get you dressed.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and held out her dress for her. 

He knew he had to be patient — she’d gone through hell too. Physically and mentally. They had both built up so many expectations for Sofia’s birth and in the end it had been a nightmare. 

Javier hated to even think about what life might’ve been like if they hadn’t kept trying. If they’d given up… but how could he think that way? Sofía was the grumpiest little angel — she was perfect. And if they hadn’t had her, they wouldn’t have Monica in their lives. 

Or Stevie. 

Or even the house they lived in. 

Even with the current situation, he wouldn’t give up the best parts of his life just because they had hit a rocky patch. A really rocky patch. 

And then there was the added pressure of knowing what she’d gone through in her own childhood. The pain, the trauma, the instinctual reactions that came with her upbringing. It was why she soldiered through everything without speaking up — she’d rather suffer in silence than feel like a burden. 

Was she suffering now and he was just blind to it? Outside of how it inconvenienced his life.  

“Daddy, why are you sad?” Josie questioned, standing in front of him pouting. “You’ve gots to smile.” She wagged a finger at him, before poking him between the eyes. “You’ve got them wormy lines!”

Javier couldn’t help but laugh, scooping Josie up and tickling her until she squealed for him to stop, her laughter an infectious sound that warmed his heart. 

This was his family and he wasn’t going to lose his partner. He’d weather whatever storm he had to weather, if it meant coming out the other side. The good already outweighed the bad, he just couldn’t let him get caught up in his own melancholy. 

His own guilt. 

That guilt still ate him alive at night. 

She’d wanted to have a second child to give him the experience he’d missed out on. Now he wished he’d missed out on this experience. 

He had wanted to experience the joy of fatherhood firsthand, but instead he got to suffer the nightly fears that the love of his life was slipping through his fingers. 

And maybe he should bring it up with her. Talk about it. But what if she confirmed his worst fears? What if she truly did want out? He was a fucking selfish man still, and he wanted to hold onto this until it was pried out of his hands. 

He wanted to roll over at night and reach out for her and not fear that he’d feel her flinch away from him. He wanted to walk into the nursery while she was feeding Sofía and not fear that she’d bite his head off about hovering. He wanted all the things he had been blessed with when Josie was a baby and he’d taken for granted. 

Javier had realized the merit in the saying — you never realize how good you have it, until it’s gone. And she already felt one foot out the door of their relationship. 

[aureolusfirewrites]

So I finally got around to writing a possessed Ben Zs'Skayr story surprised to find I'm actually motivated for once so here it is

Warnings: Brooken, PTSD

This takes place in October even though I'm writing it in February

Veined in Black

Chapter 1

Present Oct. 29/

Ben sat on his bed at plumber headquarters. Groaning and wincing in pain as his crush fussily wrapped bandages around his wounds. 

Once Rook finished patching him up Ben flopped over face first on his bed and moaned. 

"I hate October." The statement was enough to get Rook to look up at him.

"Do humans not generally enjoy this time of year?"

"Well yeah kinda but it's just so freaky to me. People walk around purposely looking like they're hurt and bleeding plus there's a Halloween eclipse which makes it twice as creepy... Not to mention everyone thinks it's an excuse to cause even more crime then normal." Ben ranted.

Rook grunted "I agree with you on that it seems as though the number of emergencies we get called out for have spiked to almost twice the normal amount..." Rook smirked. "However I would've thought you would be more than overjoyed at the aspect of receiving free candy."

Ben smiled at that "yeah free candy is pretty rad..." 

"Ben... Is something the matter?" Rook asked apparently picking up on Ben's distant additude. 

"Did... did anything about that fight earlier seem odd to you?" He thought back to it.

------------------------------

Earlier

He was walking through the mall with Rook and a kid dressed up as a killer clown had gotten a little to close to him and Rook. The anxiety attack was minor so Rook was able to talk him down relatively easy. He could still feel his heart racing a little to fast and Ben started feeling tired. 

Rook shook him lightly to snap him out of his post-anxiety attack daze. Ben look up at him and rubbed his head. "Ben it is alright everyone is still here safe and alive." Rook said gently. "Y-yeah yeah I know I'm good now Rook just... Just tired all of a sudden. 

Rook nodded and they continued their patrol. Well it wasn't so much patrol, as it was walking around the mall looking at Halloween ideas and hoping a bad guy would run into them so they'd have an excuse for doing nothing all day. Wish granted apprently. 

There was a loud commotion below them. Ben immediately jumped off the balcony fully prepared to transform before he hit the ground but Rook had other plans apparently. He felt warm hands wrap around his waist as Rook grabbed hold of him lowering him down on his proto tool's grappling function. Ben blushed glad his partner hadn't been looking at him.

Rook had seen him but that wasn't something Ben was ever going to know. 

He looked around for the danger. There were three humans wearing masks and another three aliens. They seemed relatively younger probably near teenagers by human standards. One was a Thep Khufan another was a loboan and then there was... He froze slightly. Enough for Rook to notice his tension. "It is not him Ben." Rook whispered the small reminder in his ear as he looked at a small ectonurite girl. 

He knew he shouldn't be afraid, he knew that just because one was bad didn't mean they all had similar plans but still. Whenever he was around ectonurites he couldn't help but see him. Pictures flashed through his head, gwen at the edge of a roof, a fight in space on a satellite, running through a city of monsters, Rook attacking him, a chill going through him and then a horrible pain as his body was taken over. 

Rook shook him again and he focused. "Right. Rook you take the humans I'll get the others." His partner nodded and ran for the three humans who immediately bolted in the other direction. Ben stood his ground hand over the omnitrix ready to activate at any moment. They all stood like that for a bit before they made a move. 

There was a long drawn out screech that threw him backwards. He flew back and his head hit something hard. He rubbed the back of his neck "y'know I might've had a concussion from that but at this point I've been hit on the head so much I think I might be immune." He joked to no one in particular. They was some pressure on him middle and he looked down at the bandages that had wrapped around his middle. He smiled up at the mummy sheepishly "oh boy," there was a tug and he got thrown out of the... Fountain? That's what he slammed into? ...That'd work.

He was being whirled through the air uselessly waiting for the right moment and then quickly grabbed onto a pillar as he flew by. 

The whiplash and inurscia from his sudden stop threw the mummy forward. It released it's grip as it was launched into the fountain. Water seeped into the alien's bandages and it began to unravel, water weighing it down. Ben was ready to go help it out of there, he didn't want him getting melted like some paper mache sculpture in the rain but the ectonurite beat him to it. 

The loboan was still an issue though. It lunged at him with sharp claws ready stab him. There was a lucky swipe and Ben staggered away clutching his bleeding arm. 

The loboan smirked and the ectonurite was still helping dry off her friend. Ben slammed his hand down on the omnitrix. 

He felt the familiar pain and tension he always felt when he transformed. Like he told Young One that one time it was like a stretch, except it was your muscles stretching out and changing into something new entirely just fast enough for your body to not go into instant shock. If it was any slower he would've guessed that he would immediately have some kind of seziure or something. 

Something was odd about it this time though like there was something else shifting with him. He shrugged it off.

He felt heavier and stronger but in a more solid way. "Alright! Diamondhead is gonna kick your butts!" He said excitedly. 

The loboan howled and he was less excited as he felt a crack run down his face. "That's enough of that." He said fed up. He sent a few sharp crystals at the sides of the alien and a few blunt ones to his stomach. The sharp ones scraped it's arms and trimmed off the fur where they connected. The blunt projectiles collided with his midsection and sent the loboan to the ground gasping for air. 

Ben winced he knew the blunts were the equivalent to getting a punch to the chest at high speed but it was better than using a shard. 

He brought crystal walls up around the wolf alien to keep him in place until Rook got back but he doubted the loboan was getting up anytime soon. Then there were the other two...

The Thep Khufan was down for now so he wouldn't bother with him so that left... The ectonurite. 

The ectonurite girl was smaller, around his size actually. She had metal bands all around her sort of like clothes so she looked like a kindergartner covered in a ton of slap bracelets. 

The omnitrix suddenly started flashing and toning the timeout sequence. "No no no c'mon!" There was a flash and he was back to being a human. 

The ectonurite turned towards him. He felt wobbly 'run' kept going through his head but his body wasn't responding. Then at lighting speed she launched towards him. A logical part of his mind knew that even if she did get inside him she wouldn't be able to take him over, but that wasn't the part controlling him at the moment. 

Ben let out a surprised yelp and covered himself with his arms as a last ditch block effort. But what he was waiting for never came. 

The ghost alien stopped in front of Ben and silently looked him over. She let out a hum of frustration and flew back over to the Thep Khufan. 

Ben stayed staring at her. "BEN!" He heard Rook call and he ran to Ben's side. Ben raised his arm up to motion that he was okay to Rook but a pain shot across and he looked down at his still bleeding still injured arm. "Oh... Right... That-" and then Ben had passed out and Rook carried him back to the proto-truk.

Ben had woken up about 10 minutes later in the passenger seat slightly dizzy and tired but he hadn't lost enough blood for it to be serious so Rook was taking him back to his dorm room to patch him up.

Ben couldn't help but feel like something was off though...

---------------------------------------------------

/Present, Oct. 29/

Then it struck Ben what was so odd about that fight. "Rook what were they doing there?" Rook looked away in thought. "We are unsure. The ectonurite refuses to talk and the other two act as if they have no memory of the event." 

Ben mumbled a little.

"So three anur system aliens attack with no motive and didn't speak once while fighting..." He said quietly. 

"What are you thinking Ben-dude?" Rook smiled trying to cheer Ben up. 

Slight pink flushed across Ben's smiling face but the expression faded fast into his 'Im connecting the dots' face. "I dunno Rook just a hunch." His partner nodded. 

Ben felt like his eyelids were made of lead suddenly and he yawned wide. "Why do you not get some rest for right now Ben" Rook smiled at the tired hero. "Mmm'kay" Ben slurred before letting black wash over his mind.

[p1nkwitch]

Might I request a Director’s Commentary on Beach Afterlife Reunion Party? In particular, chapter three? It destroyed me.

Ok, so as i pointed out on the first chapter, i was inspired by a fanart of Elias on the afterlife beach, something i always try to put in evey chapter one way or another.

I have... actually lots of au ideas, but i have good ones about the idea or concept of the afterlife, of regret and change after having a life where you were not good.

Chapter 2 was originally chapter 1, but i thought that not many people would like it what with Jonah monster, which honestly was actually the opposite but whatever. In fact i... changed a few things that i regret now, because it would have been better thematically, but i was insecure about if it was going to upset anyone.

Now! Chapter 3. Ok this is convoluted, but here we go.

I had an au with an OC, doesnt matter the context, not the point, but i adapted it to this, so i chose the apartment instead, Peter would be an almagamation of the afterlife and Jonah needs, as the story presented, it was a mix between his subconcious and the powers that may be. It would show itself as audio first since Jonah didnt need more than a voice to answer him back. it was also... a way to punish himself thats why some of the coments from fake Peter were so callous or mean.

Then it progressed the more he started to spiral since he couldnt take care of himself and the place needed him to let go. The entire point of it was for him to go though the stages of grief. When he reached acceptance at last he was able to leave. He kept going between anger and depression, neither Peter or Duchess could help him with.

Now them being wrong was literally Jonah crying out for help, they are his subconcious, he was trying to make himself realize that this was not normal, but he kept choosing to ignore it in favour of the lie, beceause he was scared. Peter started to act up more and more because Jonah was becoming obssesed with it and it was starting to fray at his sanity.

The scene where Jonah sees Duchess as the fog? Originally it was going to be the fake Peter, then he would start turning the mirrors not wanting to deal with the fact that it was not his husband, he would rather live a lie than be alone.

The television was a way to show him how the people he hurt were doing better without him as a way to slowly progress into unblocking more channels. The house was empty of Peter things, because he had them. Likewsie he appeared without any of Jonah stuff making him at first glad and then upset. Like in the first chapter he bought them for when he eventually returned.

The theme was realizing your wrongs and grappling with it, however without any outs it became impossible to sustain in a long run.

Writing the letters was a choice i made almost halfway through, i needed something to connect Jonah and Peter, i remembered i did something similar with another of my fics so i chose that.

Peter got all of Jonahs letters and wrote back everytime, but because Jonah grew scared and didnt want to leave his bubble he never finished opening the door completely making it so that he missed all of them.

The building like everything else? A construct based on Jonah’s perceptions. His own fears and all of that. In fact if he had chosen to take a leap of faith and jump from the railing i had two options, either he dropped to the water outside of Peter’s beach house, or he woke up in bed like a grounhog situation, it depended on how much he progressed.

Finally i had two endings.

One is the good one, where it worked and Jonah got out and met up with the real Peter, thats the one we got, because im a softy.

Two was the bad one where he was so afraid of rejection, thinking that he was unlovable and that no one missed him, that he would have actually stayed with the fake. Leaving Peter alone in their afterlife waiting for him to come and realize that Elias (because to him it was Elias) actually left him, when he finally realized he wanted him to stay.

Everyone is lucky i dont go for the bad endings mostly because i find myself wanting a reward from my angst.

Here is the thing. If i make someone suffer in my stories? Its because i want the catharsis of them getting to be happy, to finally reach the point where they can enjoy themselves, thats why i go for the happy endings i believe that after all the bad there has to be good.

There has to!

Whew. Ok if you want to know something more specific story wise let me know!! Otherwise i ramble. i  hope this is good enough? Let me know if there is anything i missed you wanted to hear about!

[bodytoflame-ao3]

falling from the start

did i write more wlw percabeth? you bet your ass i did!!!!!! i accidentally deleted the ask but for the anon who asked for fem!percy asking her mom for advice here it is :^) this takes place in the summer between botl and tlo. i absolutely want to write more in this same universe please give me more prompts omfg im begging this is so fun

Ao3 Link

“So how's Annabeth?”

Percy pushes the last few peas around her plate absentmindedly, “I don't know.” She doesn't, and she hates it. Ever since the end of summer, things had been so… weird. She didn't know what Annabeth's deal was. First off, for whatever reason, she hated Rachel. Percy didn't get it. Rachel was kind, and funny, and caring, and a really good friend to Percy (even if she was a mortal and didn’t understand some of the nuances of being a half-blood). It made her wonder what Rachel could've possibly done to upset her.

In any case, she didn’t know what she did to upset Annabeth either. Which brings her mind to the one thing she's been trying to push away since it happened: Annabeth kissing her. Because, right, Annabeth kissed her. It threatens to turn Percy's brain to mush every time she thinks about it. She daydreamed about kissing her, probably more than she should, so she should be crazy about it actually happening, but something in her gut just feels… wrong. For lack of a better description, Annabeth kissing her confuses the hell out of her. She loved Luke. She said so herself. She obviously didn't like Percy like that, so then why did she kiss her?

“I thought you were going to try to talk every weekend.”

Percy shrugs. That’s right. #2 on the list of weird things. They were. Annabeth wanted to know everything about her mom's wedding. But it’s been three weeks and she hasn’t made a single attempt to contact Percy; she’d worry she was in trouble if she didn’t know any better.

“Did you two get in a fight?”

“I don't know!” The fork clatters against the plate. She can’t stop her thoughts from spiraling out of control, and she hates herself for it.

“Percy,” her mom sits down next to her at the table and places a reassuring hand on her back.

“I don't know… I mean, there was the whole thing with the Labyrinth, and when I came back she just… she was so annoyed at me. Which, I mean, yeah that makes sense, it's totally like her to be annoyed that she thought I was dead, because that's exactly what she told me not to do, and since when do I ever listen to her?” She can't stop the flood of thoughts from coming out of her mouth. “I thought she would get over it, and she'd just tease me about it for a week like always and then everything would be fine, but then she was really mean to Rachel, even though she was just trying to help! She's never done anything to her, and I… I don't want my friends to fight. We're supposed to be fighting monsters, not each other.”

“Have you tried talking to her?”

“No but… she would’ve called if she wanted to talk to me.”

“I don’t know about that. You picked a stubborn one.”

Her mom decides movie night is the best way to mitigate her worries. Percy’s always loved The Little Mermaid (Sally’s always thought that was hilarious). Yeah, it’s ironic. You don’t need to tell her that twice, she’s been teased enough by her mom. To be perfectly fair, she always thought Ariel was stupid for leaving the ocean, because duh, it’s awesome, but she loved the music, and that was enough to make a toddler obsessed with something. By the time she realized how ridiculous it was for it to be the daughter of Poseidon’s favorite movie, it was already too big a part of her.

Usually, it’s easy for her to sit down and lose herself in it. She knows every scene almost word for word, and she loves every second of it, so there isn’t anywhere her mind wants to wander to. Nothing to analyze, nothing to be confused over. Tonight, however, she can’t concentrate. That is to say, even worse than usual. Her brain feels like the static of dead air on a TV. Fuzzy. Tingling? Buzzing. Just… stuck. As much as she wants to just lay down and have a normal, quiet movie night with her mom she doubts it’ll actually happen, because the only thing on her mind is Annabeth. She thinks about way she smirks when she has an idea, how her grey eyes shine against the moonlight, and the slight change in the cadence in her voice when she’s teasing Percy.

“Mom?” Percy needs to tell someone or she’s going to explode. Possibly literally. “I think I'm in love with Annabeth.”

“Mhm?”

Really? Percy glares at her, pouting. She’s not surprised, because she’s convinced her mom can practically read her mind, and she's teased her about it to no end.

“Do you want me to act like I didn't know?” She wonders if it would be easier that way. Sally furrows her eyebrows and sighs, “Percy…”

Percy almost whispers her response: “No… I want you to tell me everything’s gonna work out.” But it’s not. It won’t. “I want you to tell me she’s not going to hate me and I’m not going to lose one of the most important people in my life!” As her frustration builds, so does her voice, reaching a crescendo as her final words echo off the walls of the apartment.

“Come here,” she pats the couch cushion, and Percy drags herself off the chair to sit next to her. “I know it’s not easy.”

Percy’s not sure she knows what easy is.

“I had a crush on one of my best friends once.”

“It’s not the same! She’s—”

“A girl?” Sally offers quietly. Percy didn’t make it a habit to talk about these kinds of things, despite how close she was with her mom. She’d be lying if she said it didn’t scare her a bit at first; it’s not like the idea of liking girls was something she came to terms with easily. But it had been a whole hell of a lot easier than grappling with the fact that she liked Annabeth.

“No… I mean yes, but… I mean… she’s Annabeth.” She’s my best friend, and she’s smart, and wise, and tough, and she’s beautiful without even trying, and she doesn’t even know it, but her hair shines in the sun like it’s dusted with gold, and her eyes could stare into the depths of your soul and you’d ask her to do it again.

It happened slowly. Sure, her first thought when she woke up at Camp Half-Blood, Annabeth’s curls hanging down into her face, was, infact, ‘wow, she’s pretty.’ (She’s still not sure if that was the concussion talking or not, she digresses), but she was twelve, and wasn't thinking about things like that, not really. Soon, 'wow, she's pretty' turned into 'wow, she's tough' and 'maybe she can help me find my mom', and then they were a team, the three of them. By the time she realized she may have a teensy tiny crush on her, they were already bantering like old friends; and Annabeth was a clingy friend, so while Percy's heart would beat a little faster when she'd grab her hand, she knew Annabeth wouldn't fuss over something so simple. She finally had a friend, a girl (because there were just some things Grover didn’t need, or want to know) who she could talk to and share her secrets with (well, not all of them), and she wasn't about to ruin that by saying something stupid and fleeting.

Percy thought it would pass, after all it was just a stupid crush. She'd get over it. That's what always happened. But this time it didn't, and it just got worse. Now there was something different in the way her breath hitched when Annabeth would lean close to her; a change in the sense that her heart now fluttered when she called her Seaweed Brain.

She hated that her brain was betraying her like this. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her best friend. She was supposed to save the world, not complicate it with her messy relationship drama — not that you could even call it that.

“Oh, honey,” Sally wraps her arms around Percy, pulling her close, “She cares about you. And I know you care about her.”

“But what if she hates me?”

“Do you really think she could?”

She was right. She always was.

“She’ll come around. Give her some time. And give her a call — I’m sure she misses you.”

[chthonicgodling]

OK ONE MORE PIC WHILE IM ON MY ART SPREE TODAY--

[Tory © @fenixethekid, Maci & Libby & Chal © meeeee]

i know i rarely post art here really anymore and as such have steadily lost most of my followers who kept track of our OC misadventures, but for those of u still left, and because i lov to ramble aimlessly, here goes a small Elysium update, & quite frankly i cant believe it took me thiiiis long to draw anything for this--

last week Loki, ever the Mischevious Asshole, turned Chal and Libby temporarily into five year olds for no particular reason other than “Ha Ha Funny, But Also Chal and Libby Never Had a Childhood So Maybe Now They Can Have One :-) But Also-Also, Joakes”

Chal and Libby oBVIOUSLYYYY had a horrifyingly abusive and traumatic childhood, tho they never actually were this little since Thanatos had jumped em up straight to preteens,, to make this “work”  Loki supplimented their limited preteen memory into the eyes of a five year old version and then vanished so everyone could pick up the pieces, and pick up the crying children. it was very.... not Good. though absolutely adorable, they were very Flinchy and Teary and threw a lot of Tantrums,, however, during the week that Chal and Libby were Bbys, what ended up happening by the end is that Maci and Tory steppe dup to take care of them and baby!Chal & Libby got... very very attached. very cute and very sweet :’)

....okay but except of course now they’re back to normal, with their normal minds and normal memories, and tHOSE FEELINGS DIDNT ENTIRELY GO AWAY. the two of them have been having NOT a good time tryin to grapple with the feeling of overwhelming loss of the Not-Exactly-Parents they felt like they Had for a week, and on top of it both of them are too embarassed to ,.. really do anything directly about it except avoid Tory and Maci and just hide in bed. the winning suggestion, from Bel & Ty and our therapist Epione, has been that they should just.. ask Tory (+Maci?) if they’d be willing to like.. actually keep acting as their parents, just fuckin straight up adopt them,. and who knows, maybe Chal and Libby will eventually work up the nerve to do so!! who knows!!! whooooooo knows what they’ll actually do, this is as far as we’ve gotten!!!

but as far as im concerned uhhh, IF YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ANYTHING AT ALL OVER THE PAST HANDFUL OF YEARS-- THE MISSING PARENTAL FIGURES IN CHAL’S LIFE POSSIBLY ULTIMATELY BECOMING REPLACED BY TORY AND MACI IN AN UNEXPECTED FULL CIRCLE LOOP IS POSSIBLY THE ABSOLUTE BEST CONCLUSION TO ALL OF THIS, EVER, ALL TOGETHER, sO.... GGOSH?????

{{{like i just..... poeticcinema.png ok. turns out its really hard to keep hating someone after cradling a bawling five-year-old version of them in your lap for a week straight}

so anyway, here’s my Cute Snuggle Picture to represent All ^ That ^. aaahh, babys

[morkmywords]

Peaches |Werewolf au | Exo | Chanyeol |

Masterlist | Epilogue

Werewolf!AU

Length: 23.7k

Note: This took such a long time to finish and I’m sorry but I promise I’ll try and get some other things written now also please excuse and errors since I’m too lazy to edit this ALSO THIS WILL CRASH YOUR MOBILE APP BECUAE ITS SO FREAKING LONG

Warnings: theres mentions of fighting and blood and some mention of the devil’s tango(Sex)

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Fluff/angst

Summary: Werewolves live peacfully with the humans but not always peacefully with eachother.

The autumn sun beat down on the back of your neck as you pulled weeds from your garden, summer had ended a while ago but the sun was still hot as it washed over your fields. The Festival of Fallen Leaves was drawing nearer so you had to make sure everything was perfect because when The Festival of Fallen Leaves arrives so does the mating ritual, which means a lot of hungry wolves. You loaded up the last cartons of produce in your wagon before heading to town, the road was long but it wasn't like you hadn't done it before. You made your way through town with your head up as you greeted all the human elders and younglings you crossed paths with as you made your way to the banquet hall where all the food for the feast was being kept.

You waved to the young mother trying to grapple her children and organize the food collection all at once. “Hey Irma, how's everything going?” she gave you an exasperated groan in response as you put down your last carton full of peaches and picked up one of the two toddlers that were clinging to her legs.

“It really would be so much easier if Songho was around to help take care of these little rascals but I think we’re doing fine for now.” She said as she wrestled the other one away from the boxes.

Irma was your closest friend for as long as you remembered, she had always been your friend even when the other omegas weren't. You weren't small and fragile with long silky hair like the other omegas in the village, your arms and legs had muscle to them from your days spent working in the fields and your hair was cut you above your shoulders so it wouldn’t get in the way of your work. And the whole expectation that omegas need to rely on somebody to do basically everything for them you definitely didn't meet also helped, your mom was an alpha of the pack but your dad was a rogue so when the rest of the pack found out she was pregnant and from a rogue they exiled her, but she left you here and now you were the outcast. The toddler in your arms began to squirm out of boredom so you put him down and began to play with her until you were both giggling messes.

“You’d be a good mom you know.” Irma said as she placed the other toddler down in front of you. Irma and her husband Singho had been married for two years and already had three kids, as much as you loved the idea the thought of gaining so much responsibility in such a short period of time made you kind of uneasy. “And who knows, maybe you’ll get to be one soon after the events of tomorrow.”

“I doubt that.” You snorted, the thought of  one of the wolves from across the lake wanting to have you as a mae was utterly ridiculous. From the past festivals they had come to the village you figured out they were the same as the wolves on this side of the lake, they wanted nothing to do with you and you wanted nothing to do with them. “I’ll probably just live out the rest of my days on the farm in peace, with none of the drama that comes from wolves and their hierarchy.”

Irma sighed, you'd had this conversation many times before and your answer had been the same since the first time you could remember. “Don't get yourself too down in the dumps, even if you won't be one of their mates you can still oogle them. Werewolves have the best bodies and even humans know that.”

“You're the worst,” you groaned, Irma may be married but she still acted like a lovesick teenager. You gave her back the two now sleepy toddlers before standing back up, “ I have to go and finish up the flag that I still don't understand why I have to make a while im being forced to participate in this event I hate!! But I’ll see you tomorrow.” She giggled at your little outburst before she waved goodbye and you headed back to your farm. On your way down the main road you noticed the group of the highest ranked omegas staring at you as you pulled your wagon past. There weren't any official rankings but they were considered the best of the best, they all had top notch skills in cooking, cleaning, sewing, and being small and pretty. This was the year Chanyeol, the alpha next in line for head of pack, would be participating and everyone was sure he would pick one of them with their brightly coloured clothes of the highest quality and prettily painted faces. Chaeyoung was the omega he seemed to favour when Chanyeol had come for past festivals and they seemed like the perfect match. As much as you wanted to stay confident and keep your head up as you walked past them you didn't, so you avoided eye contact and strayed to the other side of the street while trying to stay out of the spotlight. You didn't really mind if the wolves didn't like you since most of the humans were pretty nice to you, once you got out of the center of the small town you let your shoulders relax as you made your way back along the dirt road to the small farmhouse you called your home.

Your wagon rattled across the bridge that ran over the river that separates your land from the main road and your neighbour’s property, the sun had set by the time you walked back to your front porch and you were just ready to sleep. You opened the curtains and peered out the window as you heard the sound of paws crunching on the dirt road, a pack of wolves were walking down the road and you could see their glowing eyes from where you were standing leaning halfways out your window. Your hand slipped from the windowsill and you let out a muffled scream as your stomach hit the edge of the window, you felt a blush from embarrassment rise to your cheeks as you pulled yourself back up and saw most of the wolves turn to face you. They were obviously from across the lake as their wolf forms were the larger more muscular ones of alphas and betas compared to the smaller stature of omegas. You ducked back into your house after shutting the curtain in a flurry of movement and flopped on your bed while trying to calm your racing heart. Once your breathing returned to normal you rolled off the side of your bed and began rummaging in your trunk for the supplies you needed to complete the banner. The banner was one of the reasons you hated the festival so much, the omegas were supposed to create a banner to be displayed and judged to see who’s was the best, it was the only competition out of all the competitions designed to show of your omeganess that was mandatory to enter and you hated it the most. Some omegas spent months planning out and designing theirs unlike you who had left it till the night before, you finally finished it and crashed onto your bed to sleep for a few hours until sunrise when you would have to get to work again.

When you got up the next morning you could feel the excitement of everyone in town at the arrival of all the wolves last night even though you didn’t actually see anyone. You dragged your heavy legs out of bed and threw your work clothes on before heading out to the fields behind you house, the other omegas in the town would be putting on layers of makeup and their best silks in an attempt to look their best in preparation for the later festivities. Once you were finished with your daily chores you went inside and do your best to get ready, unlike the traditional silks that the other wolves would be wearing that were brightly coloured and decorated with crystals and other beads made of various gems yours were a mixture of blue and yellow colours with a simple pattern on the outer layer but otherwise no decorations. You added a bit of colour to your cheeks and lips before struggling with your hair, you tried your best to braid it back and away from your face but you were helpless. You let out a groan as your fifth attempt of a braid got tangled and fell apart, you banged your wrist on the vanity as you threw your arms down in anger. You winced as you held your tender wrist and got a glimpse at the clock, you shot up from your seat and rushed to the door since you had to be there in ten minutes. You shoved your banner in your bag before wedging your feet into the dainty slippers that were part of your whole getup before running out the door and down the road.

----

You were panting by the time you handed your banner to the village elder that was organizing them and the bottom of your skirt was covered in a thin layer of dust. All the wolves were in their fine clothing, covered in jewelry and expertly done hair and makeup while you looked like you'd just rolled out of a barn, it was a bit embarrassing as the wolves around you all stared at your unique appearance. You walked away as quickly as you could in search of someone you knew to distract you from the stares, you were walking past the display of professionally crafted blankets and other weavings when you heard a few alphas and betas talking.

“Are you sure she’s an omega, she looks quiet….. Robust,” one whispered to his friend.

From the corner of your eye you saw one of the friends let out an amused huff. “I’d hate to be the unlucky idiot that ends up with her.”

“Even if she was the only wolf left in the forest I wouldn't be her mate.” one added and they all nodded in agreement. Your eyes travelled to the ground and you felt the flush of embarrassment rise to your cheeks as you rushed past them while holding your sore wrist against you body, you were jittery around the festival until you found Irma and her husband. The festival was filled with different competitions and activities, there were cooking, sewing, dancing, singing, and art competitions which were basically just an omega talent show. There were also various sports competition and strength competitions for the alphas, betas, and humans to participate in, of course you chose not to take part in anything that wasn't mandatory and would preferably be back home sleeping some more. The omega focused events were all happening today to show off before the mating ritual and the other events would follow in the weeks after, and the painting exhibit was where you finally found Irma.

“You look like death,” Irma commented on your appearance as you walked over to her, “Did you get eaten and spit out again by one of those chickens you have in your backyard?”

You sighed and leaned your head against her shoulder letting your eyes drift closed. “I stayed up till about an hour before dawn trying to finish that stupid banner.”

“Did you finish it?”

You yawned and nodded still keeping your eyes closed

“Sometimes I’m glad I’m not a wolf with all your weird customs but I do have to admit this one is kind of romantic.” she sighed.

You snorted while opening your eyes and standing back up.“Romantic my butt……” you paused and yawned again before continuing on, “By the way, where are the kids?” you asked her as she guided you to a bench.

“Songho offered to take them for the day.” you saw her evil smirk as you both sat down on the bench.

“Stupid man, you're never going to see him again.” you said and closed your eyes once again, you felt her shrug in agreement beside you. You both stayed seated at the bench for a while just chatting about this and that before you eventually got up and made your way through the various exhibits, there was nothing extremely special about any of the winning items but you looked nonetheless. You were sifting through the endless poems that seemed to all be about love or nature when your stomach let out an unusually loud growl.

“Did you forget to eat lunch again?” Irma teased as she placed her hands on her hip playfully. You nodded your head and a pained expression set up shop on your face as the emptiness of your stomach caught up with you. “Let’s go.” She grabbed your hand and dragged you through the crowds to the hall where all the food was before she wedged some sort of meat sandwich in your hand. You practically inhaled the first sandwich as you listened to her chatter about the minor issues in her life, your mood definitely lifted when you had food in you as you happily munched away. You were halfway through your third sandwich when some younger girls made their way past chatting.

“We wouldn’t be so late if you hadn’t been filling your guts with pastries.” The taller one hissed at the girl by her side.

The smaller girl’s eyes grew wide in panic and an embarrassed blush coloured her cheeks.”We still have two minutes before it starts.” She stuttered.

“But we’ll still be late to the banner contest if you don’t pick up the pace.”

You choked on the piece of bread that was in your mouth when you heard the word ‘banner’, you knew the hall seemed oddly empty of people and you quickly glanced at the clock on the wall before grabbing Irma’s hand and breaking into a run for the town square. You sprinted past the two girls from before with Irma in tow who was utterly confused until she saw the crowd surrounding the stage that had been put up and had all the banners hanging from the back. You dropped Irma’s hand and began slipping through the crowd and not so gracefully slipping under the rope to join the crowd of omegas whose work was going to be displayed. The crowd of both male and female omegas were glaring at you while you tried to stand up after you tripped on the hem of your own dress and landed with a muffled screech. Thankfully you didn’t draw anyone else’s attention and on any other the crowd of glaring omegas would be enough to make you want to throw up but in your sleep deprived state you didn’t even notice them and just waited for the presentation to begin already knowing yours would be dead last.

“And in first place, Kim Chaeyoung!” The announcer exclaimed not to your surprise but the crowd went wild. Her banner was more like a tapestry you would hang in a castle, it was embroidered with a mountain that slowly bled into the forest and lake where you lived, beads and sparkling gemstones were sewn on to look like the orange hues of fall leaves and right smack dab in the Center there were two figures that were obviously meant to be her and Chanyeol in wolf form, his massive wolf with a dark brown almost black coat and her with her soft dappled grey fur. Your eyes followed her like most of the other jealous omegas as she went up on stage to recover her reward, you may have been completely out of it but you didn’t miss the disgusted glare she gave you when she caught you looking. Only the top three participants revived rewards and were called up on stage and unsurprisingly it was two of Chaeyoung’s followers who got second and third, the current head alpha and his mate were the ones to rank the banners and even though it was supposed to be based on quality alone there was obviously some favouritism at work when you saw their pleased smiles. After that the banners were shown in ranking from highest to lowest but no names were called although it was still painfully obvious who’s was whose, they kept going until there was only one left. Yours palled in comparison to all the other with their fancy decorations and high level skill, yours was a plain cream coloured piece of fabric to which you had embroidered a few leaves and a cluster of peach blossoms onto one corner. There were no beads or gems, there were no bright colours or artistically sewn images, it was just plain and simply showed off who you were. You still flushed red when you saw the knowing glances fall to you and you wanted to shrink back into your cocoon of a dress until everybody left but unfortunately you couldn’t do that as now it was time for the feast.

——

The eating part was the easy part since your stomach was an endless pit but now the eating was over and it was time for the hard part. You hated the traditional dances but you still attended the rehearsals that taught you how to do it, the basic idea of it was to dance past the alphas and betas who would be taking part in the ritual so they could scent you you thought but really didn’t know. It sounded simple enough but it was a lot more nerve racking, the entire of the human village and werewolf pack would be watching you as you danced as if you didn’t get stared at enough and aside from that the actual dance you had to do wasn’t choreographed. The dance was usually passed down from a mother to a daughter and the dance was unique to each family but you were completely on your own since the only thing that was choreographed was the order you would go in which was the same as the banners were ranked which meant you had to go last. Your palms were already sweating as Chaeyoung began her dance flowing smoothly across the space and stopping to linger in front of an alpha or beta she seemed to like, this year there were only three betas and two alphas that were participating. On the other hand omegas had found every loophole possible to try and participate because the next head alpha would be participating. Although you didn't realize, soon there were five omegas left before it was your turn, then it was four, three, two, and suddenly it was your turn to go. The musicians kept a steady beat as you began trying your best to dance on wobbly legs, you were so tired it hardly seemed real as you moved across the open space. At this point in time you were so exhausted you really didn't care anymore, you kept your eyes on the ground and did your best to copy the moves you'd seen at previous rituals in an attempt to move gracefully. Your legs wobbled here and there and sometimes your feet got tangled or your steps faltered but you were still definitely the fastest to do it. You paid no attention to the jibes the others threw at you as you joined the group of other omegas who had already finished their dances, you just wanted the festival to be over so you could go home and sleep but it was far from over. Now it was time to go to the edge of the forest because the mating ritual was about to start, Irma caught your eye just as you were about to leave and gave you a huge thumbs up to which you replied back with a huge thumbs down. You were led to the edge of the forest by the head alpha’s mate before he started explaining the rules as if you already didn't know them.

“You’ll be released into the forest in the same order as the dance, with the first place in this case Chaeyoung having two hours to find her place and after another omega will be released every five minutes until the last one is released who has only one hour to find their place. Once the alphas and betas are released if they want to mate with you they will mark their territory and proceed, tomorrow morning the omegas will meet back here and the ones who have been mated with will get ready for the ceremony while the others go back. During the ceremony if you are mated your mate will choose your banner which announces it to the pack that they are your mate and the vows will be exchanged. Everyone understand?” the head omega asked and everyone nodded, as if he hadn't learned about this from the time they were old enough to speak. “Well if everyone is prepared Chaeyoung will start.”

At his signal Chaeyoung took off into the forest to find her hiding spot, the others were buzzing with excitement but you being the last would have to wait an hour before you could go. Eventually omegas left the group and headed into the forest nervous and excited all at the same time, you waited through every departure until it was finally your turn to go. As soon as you stepped foot in the forest you heard a rumble of thunder and the rain began pouring, your plan was to head through the forest to the river where you could then cross it and hideaway in your house before returning the next morning without anyone ever knowing but now that it was raining it might but a halt to your plan. You only had an hour before the alphas and betas were released so you had to move quickly, your senses were not nearly as strong as they were when you were in your wolf form but it was still stronger than humans so you used them to steer clear of any of the other omegas which you could smell of hear but most would be crowded around where the alphas and betas would be released and not this far into the forest. Once you deemed yourself far enough away you stripped out of your silks and placed them in your bag before changing into your wolf form which made it much easier to navigate the dense forest, the rain was still pouring and lightning struck a few times but you continued on. You heard the river before you saw it but when you did see it all your fears came true, the river was more than double its usual size and running at least three times as fast making it impossible to cross even in wolf form. You were dumbfounded as to how it rose so quickly and you stayed there in utter shock for a few minutes before a clap of thunder broke you out of your thoughts. You would have to stay in the forest until the water calmed down which meant all night, the rain probably washed away most of your tracks and scent but you still didn't want to draw any attention to yourself.You only had about ten minutes left until the alphas and betas were released so you had to be fast, you trotted through the forest in the surrounding area looking for a place you could stay when your eyes caught on a rocky outcropping the resembled a cave. You ran over there and tucked yourself under the stone roff thankful to get out of the rain but unthankful you had to spend the night in this damned forest, you put your bag down in a far corner before scanning the area for signs of anybody else. You stayed there for a while scanning your surrounding until you deemed it safe and tried to sleep but the anxiety of being in the forest and the pouring rain kept you awake, it was like all the exhaustion from earlier in the day had disappeared and you were wide awake. A little while later the rain had stopped pouring so hard and you decided it was time to investigate since all the other wolves were…..preoccupied. You cautiously stepped out from under the protection of the rock and explored the small clearing to the left of the cliff, the heavy rain had created a small stream of running water in a divet of land. You bent down closer to get a closer look at the miniature river when you heard a small croak and looked up to see a little brown frog staring at you from a rock that was about a foot in your face. You observed the small creature out of curiosity and it seemed to do the same, you were about to lean closer when there was a rustle in the bushes behind you and his hopped away. You whipped around and straightened your legs as you saw the familiar yellow eyes and large body of a werewolf come into view, you stood frozen as it lifted its leg and marked the territory without ever taking its eyes off of you.

‘You shouldn’t do that.’ Your panic got the best of you as the wolf began advancing towards you. The wolf was almost twice the size of you with dark brown almost black fur and glowing yellow eyes, it must have been an alpha and you could tell from its scent that it was a male.

‘I don’t think you are in any position to be telling me what I can and cannot do.’ It growled back as it stalked closer and closer to where you were.

You were no longer frozen in shock and again,out of instinct, you began to move backwards which only seemed to make the alpha angrier.

‘Don’t.’ He growled again but you didn’t listen and instead made a break for it trying to swing in a wide arc around him. You thought you were going to get away until your body was slammed onto the ground with the alpha pinning you down, an unreadable look in his eyes.

‘You can’t- I can’t- you- I can’t be your m-m-mate I’m not-‘ You tried to make excuses as you stifled helplessly underneath the much larger animal, even though you had some hard earned muscle it did nothing against him as your cries seemed to go through one ear and out the other. Just when you were about to give up you caught him off guard and pushed one of his legs off balance before slipping out from under him and trying to make another escape. You barely got three steps before you were pinned to the ground again, alpha boiling with rage above you.

You began to struggle again but he cut you off with a low growl. ‘Mine.’

You let your body fall limp underneath him knowing there was no way you could escape this.

——

You woke up at dawn out of habit and your entire body was sore, the left side of your neck especially. You ignored the aching of your muscles and sat up letting the blood rush to your head and the memories of last night with it. You turned your head to see the sleeping face of Chanyeol staring up at the sky and you began to panic, it would have been bad enough if any wolf mated with you but Chanyeol being the next head alpha was one thousand times worse. You sprung into action changing back into your wolf form before grabbing your bag from underneath the small overhang and booking it to the river. You splashed through the river not caring if it was safe of not and bounding out of the trees and into your orchard, once you were safely behind the various fruit trees you changed back and threw on your silks. You tentatively reached a hand up to your sore neck and let out a hiss as it stung when you touched it, you tore out the small mirror in your bag and sure enough Chanyeol had bit your neck and marked you as his mate.

You paced up and down the rows of trees trying to figure out what to do, you couldn’t be his mate ever, it was unheard of and you surely would get banished from the pack just like your own mother, you had to pretend like nothing happened because there was no other way. You gathered your skirts and readjusted your top to cover the red and purple mark bite mark on your shoulder before heading to the meeting spot.

“You’re the last one, where have you been!” The omega in charge called out and you tripped over your long skirts as you hurried over to where the rest of the omegas were gathered.

“I’m sorry, I got lost and had t-to take the long way.” You mumbled but got no response, confused you looked up to see everyone staring at…… your left shoulder. When the realization hit you your hands flew up to check your neckline and sure enough your neckline had slipped down to reveal the mark.

Once everyone got over the initial shock you were put in a group with the four other omegas that had been mated and were marched to the village while the others were dismissed.

“Who in their right mind would mate with her?” One of the other omegas in the group of five seethed. Your cheeks turned bright red and you hung your head at her words while she just snickered. Chaeyoung and one of her minions were mated with and were walking in the front while there was one of the others walking behind them and a boy who looked as soft as a marshmallow walked beside you.

“Don’t listen to her, she’s just upset because her mate is a beta. You raised your eyebrows at the boy who was at least a foot taller than you with hair the colour of a cloud.

“How do you know that?” You were confused by the boy who was talking to you but more curious about what he said.

“I saw them together as I was walking out and I’m scared for life.” He whispered.

You both were pretty sure she heard because of the glare she sent back over her shoulder, even so you both giggled at the statement while you continued your treck to the town. “I’m Jongin.” He said with a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. “Let’s be friends because you seem really nice even if people say bad things about you.”

You looked over at the smiling boy and you didn’t sense any ulterior motives coming from him. “Ok Jongin, let’s be friends.”

——

Once you arrived in the village you were all sent to different huts where pack elders were waiting for you. You were first stripped of your clothes then put in a hot bath where you were scrubbed from head to toes as if you couldn’t clean yourself with various soaps and scrubs that left you smelling like some sort of fancy flower. Next you were placed in a dressing room where you were outfitted with traditional robe that was probably more expensive than everything you owned altogether, you were sat down in front of a mirror where they did their best with the little hair you had and painted your face with makeup you had never even seen before. The sun was beginning to go down by the time they were done and you were exhausted, they put you in front of a large mirror to make sure you were happy with it and all you could do was nod. You could hardly recognize yourself as you stared in the mirror, other than your hair you looked completely different with the layers of makeup and fancy clothes but you didn’t want to be rude so you hid the discomfort you felt and quietly thanked them. You were led into a larger hut with all the other omegas who were participating in the ceremony, you were definitely the least extravagantly dressed but it’s not like it was unusual. The others were in traditional dress that was specified for their families, and many had family heirlooms which could be a hairpin to a belt but were always beautiful and covered in glittering gemstones. Jongin chatted idly beside you like some of the others in your room but you weren't really paying attention because you were too focused on your racing mind and pounding heart. You had seen this ceremony so many times in the years before now but you never actually thought you would be the one participating in it, when the whole process was explained multiple times you barely listened. Finally it was time to leave and the veils were placed over everyone's head before they were led out into the field where the ceremony would be taking place. Through the thin fabric that covered your eyes you could see the alphas and betas lining up parallel to the line of omegas you were standing in and the speeches began.

After what seemed like endless people speaking the alphas and betas were called one by one to claim their mate, the omegas beside you were claimed one by one until it was only you and Chaeyoung left. The name of the other alpha was about to be called when the head alpha was interrupted, you missed what was said but your eyes shot up to see Chanyeol looking back at you with a garbage eating smirk. He walked forward staying right in between you and the omega beside you until he stopped two feet in front of you two.  Everyone held their breath in anticipation to see which omega he was going to pick and even more anxious for who was under the veil. He seemed to be charged by the tense atmosphere and his smirk on grew as he took a step and stopped in front of you before gently lifting your banner from your hands and unwrapping the cloth covering it. You heard multiple noises of shock when the crowd recognized the plain cream backing with a few small peach blossoms in the corner, your heart was beating so fast you thought it might stop. He leaned forward to lift the veil from your face as the crowd prayed it wasn't true but when the summer sun washed over you it was clear their worst dreams had come true. As you blinked back the sunlight he leaned even closer to you and in the ruse of placing a kiss on your cheek he whispered, “It was incredibly rude for you to run away this morning Peaches.” He stood back up and you could already feel how red your cheeks were getting as you followed him you to the platform where the head alpha and the head of the human village were standing. By the time you had reached the proper positions everyone had seemed to have gotten over themselves enough to continue on so both men cleared their throats and began. You stumbled through the vows while Chanyeol was the picture of calm enunciating every word perfectly, almost slowly and when the time came to complete the ceremony with the wine you were more nervous than ever.  First he took a sip then offered the cup to you which you took with shaking hands and did your best to sip the strong liquid but when you thought nothing worse could happen you inhaled some of the liquid which made you let out a cough embarrassing you even more. The next ceremony continued with almost nothing going as wrong as yours but you could hardly pay attention to anything.

----

The feast was in full swing with people dancing around and singing drunk on the exceptionally strong wine they were serving, while others were gouging themselves on the endless tables of food. You were sitting on a cushion next to Irma by the farthest table while watching her children dance around with hands full of different sweets.

“I still cant believe youre letting them have so much sugar.” You laughed as her son shoved a cream puff into his small mouth and smearing the cream all over his nose.

She sighed and filled her cup with some more wine before downing it in one gulp which you giggled at. “It’s a celebration therefore it’s Songho’s responsibility. And I still can't believe that the next head alpha is your mate.”

“Dont remind me.” you muttered and reached for the pitcher of wine and filled up your cup, but before you could take a sip Irma knocked it out of your hand. “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!” you exclaimed.

“Don't forget that now you're his mate you could possibly have a mini you swimming around somewhere in there.” she poked at your stomach. Your heart dropped, you hadn't even considered that possibility and you started panicking, you couldn't have his baby inside your stomach, that would just make everything worse. “Don’t freak out too much, there’s hardly a chance you would get pregnant after only one time. It took at least five for me to get pregnant with my first daughter.” Irma said as she wrapped her arm around your shoulder and tried to comfort you.

“I really didn’t need to know that much but thanks for telling me I guess.” you said as she dropped her arm off your shoulder and reached for a roll off the center of the table.

“Now go find your big strong alpha.” she said before taking a bite out of the bread and shoving you up from your seat. You laughed and made your way back to where you remembered sitting a few minutes before, stopping to wipe the cream off her sons face before whispering goodluck to Songho and continuing on your way. You skirted the outer edges of the tables in an attempt to avoid the drunken crowd who was dancing around the bonfire in the center. You dodged through small groups of people who were stumbling around and ducked behind a tent where food was set up. You turned the corner and walked around the back of the tent to where you remembered the table you left a few minutes ago, you rounded the last corner you stopped in your tracks.

Your jaw dropped to the floor when you saw Chaeyoung dropping herself across Chanyeol’s lap and presses kisses into his neck. In a rustle of many layers of fabric rubbing together you turned and headed back behind the tent and into the maze of huts that surrounded the town square. You moved as fast as you could with all your finery but you only got a few small huts down before you were stopped by a hand on your arm. You were spun around and came face to face with your mate. You were surprised he left the omega who he was so happily chatting with just a few moments before to stop you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He demanded without releasing his hold on you arm.

“Leaving.” You grunted as you wrenched you arm from his grasp. “What’s it to you anyways? You seemed perfectly happy with your little friend back there.”

The look in his eyes darkened into something frightening as you finished talking. “And how do you know she was my ‘little friend’?” He spit out.

“Well it didn’t seem like you were making any objection to her little show for you.” You didn’t know why you were angry you just knew you were.

“How are her actions my fault!?”

“Well you weren’t doing anything to stop them, in fact, you seemed to be enjoying it!”

“Why are you so oblivious?!” He growled, “Everything with you is always poor me, poor me. You’re so selfish you can’t think of anyone but yourself! You always go around wallowing in your own sadness about how hard your life is and you’ve never cared about anything else.” He was breathing hard now and his eyes seemed to darken even more. “At least you could be yourself, I’ve had to life a life of perfection since I was a child without even a chance to mess up!”

Your breath hitched in your throat “Is that all I am to you? You’re one big mess up!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands into the air, “I’m just a pawn in your stupid game and you thought I was selfish! Maybe I do wallow in my own sadness but it’s your and the others fault I’m an outcast to begin with! Maybe you lived a strict lifestyle but it sure is a hell of a lot better than being abandoned as a baby then shunned by the people who were supposed to be like your family!” You were screaming at this point, not caring about the look in his eyes or anyone who was around to hear.

“You’re ruining everything for me, be quiet!” He hissed as he took a few steps closer which you matched with a few steps back.

“I was perfectly fine with marrying a human if I ever got married at all but then you had to come along and now it really is you who ruined everything for me.” You could feel the warmth of tears on your cheeks and the crack in your voice from a dry throat as you struggled to take a breath. You turned away from him and fled back to your little farm which seemed to be your only safe place now. You didn’t pick up on any footsteps behind you but you ran anyways as your many layers caught and ripped on things and your breath turned ragged. You were almost to your house as sons racked your whole body and suddenly you couldn’t go inside, you wanted to forget about this whole thing and you couldn’t go inside because you knew the supplies for the banner were still strewn about on your bed.

You had barely slept in three days and the exhaustion was really catching you this time as your stumbles down the river bank, your vision swam as you took a step into the water. You didn’t care that it was freezing cold or that it was ruining your fancy garments as if they hadn’t been ruined enough already, you walked deeper as more tears began rolling down your cheeks. You wanted the cold mountain water to wash away the memories of the past few days as you stopped an crouched down so the water came to just above your elbows. You wanted the river to wash you away but you didn’t have the strength to do anything but sit there in the chilly water and cry, your emotions seemed to be coming just as fast as the water was rushing.

——

“Check by the river!” Songho called from his seat at the table that the rest of his family was currently sleeping on.

Chanyeol’s sharp eyes trained on the person who was speaking to him. “What?” He asked confused as why a villager just blurted out a random piece of information at him.

“You’re looking for Y/n right?” Songho asked the alpha who had stopped his frantic search of the crowd. He took the silence he got as confirmation. “She lives on the farthest farm by the river, she probably decided to head home.”

“That’s her house?”

“Mm, she’s lived there her whole life, best peaches around.” Songho answered before he was interrupted by his half asleep wife rolling on top of him and their pile of kids following. When he finally looked back up the worried alpha was gone.

——

You felt warm arms against you as they lifted you from the water. You snuggled into the warm chest behind you for the brief moments you were conscious before you passed out again to the rhythm of the running water.

—-

You woke up to your throat feeling like sandpaper and your lips cracked and dry, your limbs felt stiff as you tried to shift on the bed your recognized as your own.

“Y/n?” Somebody called out. You heard a shuffling in the next room over before Irma popped her head into the room. “You are awake!” She exclaimed before scurrying over to you with a large glass of water in her hands.

“Thank you.” You croaked before grabbing the glass of water from her and drinking it entire contents. You let out a heavy sigh as you finished drinking and handing the glass back to her, you tried to push yourself further up into a sitting position but your vision began to swim.

“Take it easy there.” Irma warned as she snaked her arm around your back and helped you up, placing more pillows around you as she went. “You’ve been asleep for so long I would be careful.”

“Exactly how long have I been asleep?” You questioned, you remembered what happened before you passed out but nothing else.

“I think it’s been about two weeks now?”

“WHAT?!” You exclaimed while shooting up from the bed but quickly falling back as the dizziness came back.

“Calm down,” Irma said, “I’ll tell you but first you need food because your stomach sounds like a thunderstorm.”

You felt the pink in your cheeks as she disappeared back into the kitchen and began crashing around again. You peered out the window to your right across the orchard outside of your home, winter was already just around the corner as the sun hid behind clouds and the cool winds ripped the falling leaves off their branches. It seemed like only a few days ago you were out in the fields at the beginning of harvest season but now it was almost winter and you were going to be forced to leave your farm for what would most likely be the rest of your life. At that moment Irma decided to barge back into your room with a giant bowl of stew in her hands  she made your way back over to your bed before climbing in next to you and attempting to hand you the giant bowl.

“Earth to Y/n?” She said before jostling you with her elbow and bring you back to reality.

“I have something to ask you,” you started but we’re cut off by Irma shoving the bowl into your face.

“Eat first and I’ll explain, then you can ask questions.” She demanded. You reluctantly took the bowl and took a small bite before starting to shovel it into your mouth at a speed you didn’t think you were capable of, you had forgotten how good of a cook Irma was. “Slow down there sport,” she laughed at your frantic eating, “You’re not going to able to hear me speak!” She teased.

Eventually you slowed down enough for her to explain though you still ate at an unnaturally fast speed.

“Well I guess I should start from the beginning of it even counts as the beginning,” Irma said, “Chanyeol was wandering around the feast like a lost puppy until he bumped into Songho, we may or may not have seen you run off earlier and were kind of worried. Anyways, Songho told him to go look by the river and he took of so fast it was like he wasn’t even there in the first place.” You finished your food and we’re just listening quietly at this point while she explained everything. “The next morning I decided to go check and see if you made it home alright and I almost got run over by your mate who was running back to the village. He told me you weren’t conscious and had a fever so he was going to get a doctor and I’ve been here taking care of you since. There was one point where we were scared you weren’t going to make it because you weren’t sick anymore but you weren’t conscious, the doctor said it was your wolf senses reacting to shock. I’m just glad you’re okay.” She finished.

“So what day is it today?” you asked her as you laid your head on her shoulder and huddled back under the blankets.

“Friday.” “So I’ve actually been asleep for almost three weeks?” “I guess…” you laughed at the way Irma was subtly trying to avoid your question and ended up poking her in the stomach which launched a full out tickle war. There were limbs flying and the sound of your laughter was filling the entire house as you two tumbled over each other with wiggling fingers. In that moment you forgot about everything that was changing in your life and you were back with your best friend just having fun until Irma brought up the festival again.

“You’ve missed most of the games but there's still the Kickball tournament before you leave, the first game if tomorrow and I'm pretty sure your mate is playing. Don’t you want to see him all shiny from the sweat, and his muscles-” you quickly cut her off by slapping a hand over her mouth, you let out a groan of disgust as you felt her lick your palm.

“Don’t remind me about leaving.” You muttered as you crawled back under a pile of blankets. “I just want to stay her forever.”

Irma sighed and was about to say something before there was a sharp knock at the door, you made no move to stand up so Irma was making her way to the door when you let out a frantic whisper. “Don’t tell him I’m awake.”

After a confused look you returned to your blanket cave and sure enough when she opened the door you heard a familiar voice.

“Did Y/n wake up?” Chanyeol asked, he sounded out of breath and his voice was tinged with worry which only made you wonder about what he was doing before.

“She did and we talked for a while but she just fell asleep again and i think it’s best if we dont disturb her.” Irma said calmly.

You heard a loud sigh. “That’s good.” Chanyeol sounded much more relaxed now though you didn't know why. “She’s alright though?” He asked after a slightly awkward pause. What followed was some more conversation and you heard a doctor being mentioned a few times before goodbyes were exchanged and the door was shut again. You felt the bed dip with Irma’s weight as she perched on the bed beside you.

“You might want to put on some clothes since Chanyeol said the doctor would be here soon.” She whispered. It took a few minutes of mumbling and grumbling before you finally gave in and got up.

----

“So doc, is she dying?” Irma asked from beside you. The doctor let out a low chuckles as he placed his equipment back into his bag.

“No, she’ll be perfectly fine if she takes it easy for the next fe days.” He explained as he continued packing away the various bottles and tools.

You fidgeted nervously underneath the blankets unsure of whether to ask your question or not. “So, what was wrong with me?” You finally blurted out.

He paused to scratch his head and he seemed to be thinking of what to say. “Well, It’s most likely from shock. I don’t really know the way werewolves bodies well enough to determine the exact cause but from what experience i do have I believe it was shock mixed with the fact you hadn't been eating or sleeping in the few days beforehand. There may also be a slight chance your pregnant but i wouldn’t be too worried about that.” He paused to did around in his bag a bit  as you went over what he said. “Now i want you to take one of these a day until they run out, just to get your body back on track.” He explained as he handed you a bottle of what looked like vitamins. “They’ll help with your sleeping habits as well as get rid of nausea and headaches.”

You two bid the doctor farewell before he left again and you went back to reading the label on the bottle he gave you.

“So you can go out and have fun now but instead you choose to read a medicine bottle?” Irma sked when you refused to get up.

“You can go, I’ll be fine on my own. I’m just not feeling like going out.” You said. It was true that you were tired and didn’t really feel like going out but it was mostly due to the fact that you didn’t want to see your mate. In the bottom of your stomach there was a pool of guilt, you felt bad about what happened between you and just the idea of being around him just made you nervous.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Irma asked.

“Yes, now go have fun!” You were thankful that she was worried about you and it warmed your heart but you couldn't make her stay here with you so you ushered her out the door from your spot at the bed.

----

Somehow it was four days later and you were at the games. Irma had finally managed to drag you out of the house saying that she needed your help to take care of the kids but you two ended up at the large playing field and your plans of avoiding Chanyeol were slowly slipping away. It was an uncharacteristically sunny day for winter which was creeping closer and closer, you were standing at the side with Irma and Songho each holding a squirming child.

“We should go find seats.” Songho managed to mutter as he tried to keep the toddler that was using him as a jungle gym still. You both nodded and began to make your way to the stands which were already full of people, you still had an hour till the final game started but people were already filling up the stands with screaming and cheering. You were beginning to get nervous as humans and wolves alike began recognizing you and you felt their eyes following you, thankfully Irma and Songho chose a few seats that were far enough away from the main crowd that nobody even noticed you tucked away in the corner.

----

A cheer erupted in the crowd as the players burst onto the field, you thought you were going to go deaf from the noise and it was magnified by your wolf senses. Horns were blowing and people were cheering as both teams got into their positions, you caught a glimpse of Chanyeol in a serious discussion with his teammates before breaking and heading to their respective positions. The whistle blew, the ball was dropped, and the game was underway. Both teams were amazing and you thought you would get whiplash from how the ball flew from one end of the field to the next, unhindered by the strong winds that seemed to pick up speed as time went on. Goals were scored from both teams and you couldn't tell who was who from volume of dirt and mud that were covering all the team uniforms, Irma left earlier with her youngest and now it was just you, Songho, and the two toddlers.

Suddenly the wind picked up and thunder rumbled across the sky, a large raindrop hit you square between your eyes followed by another, then another, and soon it was pouring rain. The wind was whipping the hair into your eyes as you stood up, it had only been raining for a few minutes and you could already feel the water soaking through your clothes. The whistle blew and the referees called the game to a stop. The weather conditions continued to worsen in the next few minutes and Songho gave you a nod signalling he new you needed to head home and make sure everything was alright back at the farm. You pushed through the crowds of people who were trying together their things to protect from the rain as you raced back home. Your equipment wasn't put away and you shutters were not closed so your windows could blow in and get everything ruined, you sprinted through the huts until you got to the main road. Raindrops were already dripping off of you so splashing through puddle and getting your pant legs all dirty wasn't really your main concern. You had never really been athletic so you did your best to keep running even if you fell a few times and got all battered up.

You burst into the farmyard with new found energy as you began to pick up your scattered tools and locking them in the shed while trying not to be blown over by the strong gusts of wind. Once you were sure everything was locked away tight you ran around your house and strapped all the shutters shut as best you could with your limited vision. The wind was howling and lightning was striking by the time you finally bolted your door shut behind you, your boots made an uncomfortable squelching noise as you padded over to a chair before pulling them off, followed by your equally as soaked socks. You quickly shedded  your soaking wet clothing for a more favourable outfit of your warmest nightdress, warmest sweater, and a pair of soft leggings in an attempt to bring some heat back to your body.

Just as you were about to curl up on your bed there was a loud pounding on your door, you stayed still, frozen in place. You thought it might just be the thunder but then there was another harder knock, at this point you were close to panicking as you slowly picked up a pan from your dish rack. You crept up to the door with your pan poised and ready to attack at the first sign of danger, you took a deep breath before slowly twisting to handle before the door was thrown open by the wind. Standing out on your small porch in the pouring rain and howling wind with his fist poised to knock again was your mate, Chanyeol.

The pan fell from your hand as it went limp at your side, the loud crash it made seemed to break both of you out of the trance you were in. You reached out and grabbed his arm yanking him inside with an unnecessary amount of force before pushing the door shut and latching it again. He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off.

“Just stay here.” you told the dripping man before your shuffled back to your closet and started digging around, it felt like the piles of clothes had eaten you before you finally found what you were looking for with an exclamation of joy. You grabbed the pile in one of your arms and headed back to where the alpha was waiting for you expectantly, without a word you signalled for him to follow you with your free arm and headed to your tiny bathroom. He took a step inside before you threw the budle in your arms at him.

“What are these?” He asked as he began sifting through the pile.

“Clothes you idiot, if you don’t want to get sick you’ll change.” You sighed, he looked like he was about to say something more as he sniffed one of the shirts but you beat him to it. “There are towels in the cupboard.” Without another word you closed the door and  walked back to the kitchen.

----

When Chanyeol wandered back into the kitchen you had already set out a dish of warm food for him as well as more blankets than you could ever need already set onto your bed. Without needing any instruction he walked over and sat in the chair across from you at the small table, while he scanned over every nook and cranny of your house you took the time to observe him. You couldn’t see his bottom half but the shirt you gave him was old and stretched out but it was still snug on him, your wolf instincts had definitely gotten the better of you as your almost started drooling while discreetly running your eyes over his well muscled arms and chest which were showcased perfectly. You saw him turning back around to face you and you quickly focused on something else, you landed on the sewing basket you left on the table this morning and pretended to be digging through it before he cleared his throat and you brought your attention back to him.

“So, why do you have men’s clothes?” He asked. His tone of voice was odd and almost jealous which for some reason made him even more sexy than you were already being brainwashed by your wolf senses to think he was.

“They’re Songho’s.” was your simple reply before you got up and headed to dig through a drawer in the ruse of trying to find something but you were really trying to clear your head.

“Songho’s?”

“Yes, Songho, Irma’s husband.” The tinge of anger seemed to grow in his voice and you didn't know why you were trying to defend yourself from him.

You saw him cross his arms over his chest and furrow his eyebrows from the corner of your eye. “And why do you have his clothes?”

“Have you ever tried to garden in a skirt? Oh wait, you were privileged enough to not have to work to feed yourself.” You spit out at him before storming over and picking up his still full bowl and bringing it back to the sink.

“How would you know?! I may have not had been abandoned but I had to work-”

“Work my ass!” you cut him off, “Showing up to events and frolicking around with your other alphas and betas does not count as work.”

“It’s not like you can speak from experience, all you’ve had to do is sit on your little farm and pick fruits all day!”

“You’re right a sit on my farm and pick fruits all day, and starve when there’s a bad harvest, and freeze during the winters when there hardly enough blankets to cover myself, and throw every last penny I made back into the farm to repair things and buy new equipment in the hopes of making more money! So I am going to keep taking hand-me-downs from my friends and you can leave if you have such a problem with it!” You stormed into your room and grabbed and armful of blankets and pillows.

“Wait, Y/n,” He started but you cut him off.

“No, here are blankets. You can sleep on the couch but I want you gone by tomorrow morning.” You threw the blankets down and slammed your bedroom door behind you before crawling under the mountain of covers still on your bed. You managed to get a few hours of sleep even if you were kept awake through night  by either the storm or the aching in your heart, and just as you asked Chanyeol was gone the next morning only leaving behind a pile of folded blankets and clothes.

----

You had just finished lugging a pile of fallen branches and plant pieces to a pile when you heard shoes crunching on the gravel. You made sure everything was in the right place before turning around to see Irma jogging up to you.

“The wolves are holding a pack meeting, we have to hurry!” She exclaimed and without any further explanation she grabbed your hand and pulled you after her as she headed back to the village. Thankfully you had done the rest of your cleaning up before Irma arrived and all that was left for you to do were a few minor repairs here and there, you knew it was going to cost you so there would be no more living in comfort for the next few weeks. You moved as quickly as you could along the dirt road, you weren’t really worried about the meeting since usually they were just for show but how you were going to survive and buy things for repairs was taking up all of your thoughts.

----

You could smell the nerves before you even entered the council room and you immediately were on edge, in all of the past meetings you’ve attended it was mostly the heads of families but every single wolf was here today and everyone was nervous. The thoughts of your farm wentescaped your mind and were replaced by worries of why everyone was so stressed, your first thought was that it was about you and Chanyeol mating with you. The obvious course of action was to sneak in as quietly as possible and sit in the farthest corner at the very back so that’s exactly what you were doing, you cringed as the chair let out a small squeak as you sat down but you were otherwise unnoticed. People were chatting amongst themselves in hushed whispers as you scanned the room, you skipped from one person to the next until you landed on Chanyeol who was sitting at the head table with his family and the head omega. His eyes met yours and you quickly looked away, focusing on one of the many paintings on the wall before the doors banged open and the head alpha stormed in. The only sound in the entire room was the sound of his boots echoing against the floor as he made his way up to the head table by his mate and Chanyeol. The room seemed to take a collective inhale once he sat down but the relaxation was short lived since he started speaking at once.

“I bet you’re all wondering why we are gathered today, so I’ll get right to the point,” he cleared his throat and took a deep breath, “As many of you know, we are supposed to be heading back to the village in two days time, yesterday we sent the scouts ahead and they have just returned hearing news. The trail has been completely cut off by a rockslide during the storm and there is no way around it, which means we can’t get back home.”

The room was dead silent, quiet enough to hear a pin drop before someone shouted. “We need to get home, our mates and children’s are still there.”

Shouts of agreement were followed and you could see the alpha getting flustered. “I know but-“

“Let’s start moving the rocks!” Someone yelled, even more shouts than before followed until the head alpha threw his fist down on the table. The sound was so immense you thought the table had cracked in half but he was only standing there and breathing heavily.

“I know you all want to get home to your families but as I said before there is really no way! Moving the rocks was our first idea but after further inspection even if we did somehow manage to find the manpower to move them all we would have to wait until the beginning of summer which is ten months away!”

“Isn’t there any other way?” What seemed to be a female voice called from the audience.

“Only one, as far as we know the trail that goes around the far side of the lake is still in usable condition and it would take us less than half the time it would take for us to clear the rocks.” It was Chanyeol that spoke know. You were awed by how commanding and serious he sounded, it was no wonder he had the wolf’s blind trust as a leader.

“But that means we would have to travel through winter, isn’t it dangerous?” The same voice from before asked.

“Yes, not just because of the cold winter months the but the routes that wander the territory near there. I never said it would be easy or pleasant and before you decide on any of it you must know it will be much more dangerous but it’s the only alternative.”

Mumbles and whispers floated through the crowd before the head alpha called for a vote, stones were cast one by one and counted until there was a verdict. In the hour it took to wait people were huddled together, nervously whispering about what was to come. Mated omegas and their children usually stayed behind in the wolf village across the lake with a few alphas and betas while all the rest cane for the festival of fallen leaves which meant that all theses people’s families were waiting for them on the other side of the lake for possibly another year.

——

Everyone piled back into the hall where the results had been counted.

“With a unanimous vote, everyone has decided that we will travel the long way around the lake to get back home.”

A cheer went up in the crowd with people embracing and shouting in joy, it went on for a few more minutes and you observed until the head alpha began to speak again.

“We will leave in two days time so everyone must be ready by then or you will be left behind.” With those last few words everyone began to file out chattering nervously and excitedly about the journey but you stayed silent. While most other were happy to be finally heading home you were in somewhat of a depressed state, for your entire life your little farm in the human village had been your home not the wolf village across the lake but know you would have to pick up everything and leave all because of some selfish alpha.

Once you were out of the hall you almost made it to Irma’s house before you started crying, emotions just came rolling over you and you were a sobbing mess as she tried to comfort you. Eventually you managed to calm down enough to explain everything that was going on and Irma was everything you could have asked for in this situation.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so emotional lately.” You sniffled as Songho handed you both mugs of tea.

“It’s okay Y/n, we understand. It’s a big change and we knew it would happen eventually and Songho and i have been talking….” Irma paused, unsure of what to say next. “Well we’d be happy to take care of your farm for you.”

You swear your jaw hit the floor. “Really?” you asked, of course your best friends offered to take it over for you, “You don’t have to do this, it’s a huge effort and you have kids and jobs-”

“Shush and let me talk.” She cut you off. “Yes we have jobs but Songho is actually planning to quit being the town treasurer because of all the stress and I can make dresses anywhere as long as I can sell them.”

“What about the kids?”

“The kids would love the space to run around and play, plus they could learn some valuable skills.”

“You still don’t have to do this.” “I know, but I also wanted to ask you if we could build our own little house in that empty field so we don’t have to take over yours.”

“You can take over mine!” you exclaimed. “It’s so much work already and I don't want you to do more!”

Irma giggled, “No offence, but your house definitely isn't big enough for our ever growing family.”

You pouted but agreed.

“Plus Songho wants to build us a house of our own, it’s probably some man thing.” she whispered.

“I heard that!” Songho yelled from the other room and you both burst into giggles.

“Be careful Chanyeol doesn’t do something like this for you.”

As soon as Irma said that your mood immediately swung back and the tears were bubbling back up again. You spent that night in Irma’s guest room as she tried to comfort your tears by telling you little silly stories, eventually you drifted off to sleep. You woke up in the middle of the night to the door opening and a whispered conversation but you dismissed it and fell back into dreamland.

----

The next morning you woke up with a heavy heart as you all headed to your small farmhouse to begin packing. It was an odd mix of happiness and despair as you went through all your belongings to decide what you would take with you. As you dug through everything you owned and sorted it into piles you got to remember all the good times you had in this village and this house. There was the ceramic chicken Irma stole from her mother to give you as a birthday gift when she forgot, overtime the hideous pattern and colours grew on you as it was proudly displayed on your fireplace. You found pressed flowers from the first ever spring festival you attended in between multiple heavy books and you smiled at the memory of dancing in the fields of flowers and stuffing your face with deserts until you were sick. Irma’s children had found a box of your old toys which you had happily given them, content to see the bright smiles that lit up their faces. Of course mixed with the good memories there had to be bad, you found some old school books that were ripped and torn when they were thrown around by your omega classmates. And the memory of you stealing the pastries in secret and dancing in the flower field alone during the festival instead of the town square with everyone else because you were scared of the other wolves left a sour taste in your mouth.

When lunch came around you were about halfway through all of your things and you decided to all have a picnic by the river and take a well needed break before continuing on, it was unnaturally sunny and warm out but you decided to enjoy it because you knew there wouldn’t be such nice days for a long while. The kids splashed in the shallow banks of the river while You, Irma, and Songho chatted on the dry land. At one point someone got splashed and the next thing you knew everyone was dancing and playing in the water until you decided to head back and dry off. This was one of the things you would definitely miss and suddenly you wanted today to last forever.

----

You could feel the tension in the town as you dropped of your luggage for tomorrow, the omegas were each allowed to bring one trunk of belongings aside from the bags that would everyone would carry. The announcement had been made that the wolves would be travelling by foot as to minimize the wolf scent that would attract rouges so your carry bag had to be light enough for your human form. Everyone was saying goodbye to each other and sharing meals in the town since the wolves were leaving at dawn the next morning. You were making your way to Irma’s house where she had apparently created a goodbye feast in your honour, she told you to dress formally so you were walking up to her door in the only fancy silks you had left when you saw a familiar figure waiting at the door.

“What are you doing here?” you spat at Chanyeol who was standing in front of the door.

“I was invited.” He said plainly. You were about to ask something else before the door swung open.

“Thank goodness you’re both here!” Irma exclaimed, “The food was about to get cold!” She grabbed your arm and pulled you inside, you caught a sympathetic glance from Songho who stayed to chat with Chanyeol at the door before you disappeared into the kitchen.

“What is he doing here?” You hissed at your best friend who had shifted her focus to the various dishes on the stove.

“He's your mate so I invited him.” She said nonchalantly before grabbing some spices and shaking them into a pot and stirring.  

“Doesn’t he have his own family thing?” you insisted before coming up beside her and stirring something else.

“Songho asked and he said it was fine.”

You were about to say something else before you felt small arms around your legs and looked down to see the two toddlers wadling up to you. You shot Irma a glare which she only replied with a sweet smile before you followed the two kids to the living room to play.

Playing with the two toddlers lifted your mood for a while until dinner started, you were sat next to your mate which made you incredibly tense through the entire meal. Irma and Songho happily chatted away while you sat in silence pushing around the food on your plate, normally you would have eaten but your stomach had been feeling upset since this morning. It was probably the nerves of leaving tomorrow but it wasn't getting any better, eventually you excused yourself saying you were tired and saying you had to go home. Before you got out the door Irma shoved a giant winter coat in your arms.

“It gets cold in the winter so make sure to stay warm and safe, I’ll miss you.” She whispered before pulling you into her arms and sniffling into your shoulder. You felt big, fat, crocodile tears roll down your cheeks as you said goodbye to your best friend who you might never see again. You turned around from the porch still sniffling as you made your way home for the last time.

-----

The travel formation would work like this, the omegas would stay in the center while the alphas and betas sandwiched them from the front and back, it was the standard form although stakes were high because of all the rogues in the area. Because of this, the alphas and betas would be on watch at all times and there would be no mixing as the omegas stayed grouped together, this really meant that you wouldn’t have to see Chanyeol but you would be stuck with Chaeyoung for the whole journey.

You stuck to Jongin like glue as everyone was preparing to leave, you were always one step behind him as he mingled around with all the wolves. He introduced you to his friend Kyungsoo who was the healer that would be travelling with the omegas, he was a beta but he was the softest wolf you had ever seen with a smile made of pure sunshine. You felt a cold shiver travel down your spine and you turned around to see Chaeyoung stalking over to the wagon you were standing by with here entourage of other omegas. She shot you and icy glare that felt like you were already in the throes of winter before walking past to the next wagon.

“Was she looking at you?” Kyungsoo asked once she was well out of earshot, he seemed concerned and genuinely confused while Jongin looked annoyed.

You sighed and turned back around to the two wolves at your sides and let your shoulders droop. “Yeah, it’s not really an out of the ordinary thing.” You told them as you adjusted one of your many layers of skirts, now that you were part of the pack you were expected to wear dresses and skirts but you had no idea how long it would last.

“Why does she look at you like that, it’s not very nice.” Kyungsoo said with a frown.

“She's not the only one.” You sighed, you had gotten used to the looks but people who weren't got confused easily.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You really don’t know?” Jongin exclaimed. Kyungsoojust stared back at him seeming even more confused than before, there was no way he couldn't know why, right?

“I’m Chanyeol's Mate.” Was all you said, he furrowed his eyebrows and you could see the gears in his head turning as the realization exploded onto his face.

“So your mom was…” He started, you nodded and all he said was a simple “Oh,” before seeming to disregard it completely.

“You don't have an issue with me?” You asked in disbelief.

“Not really, I never really saw anything wrong with you and the pack was overreacting when they kicked her out.” He said simply.

You stared at him in disbelief for a few moments before wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” You warbled into his shoulders as you sniffled through some tears, you stayed like that for a few more seconds before releasing him and wiping your cheeks on your sleeve.

“What was that?” He asked once your eyes had stopped leaking.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been really emotional lately and I don't know what came over me.” You said bashfully as Jongin giggled at your awkwardness. Kyungsoo gave you a quizzical look and observed you for a few seconds before shrugging and continuing on with your conversation. A few minutes later the party started moving and you were on your way to the wolf village and away from your home, after a couple hours of walking your nerves had almost disappeared, you saw some of the other omegas struggling to keep walking which Kyungsoo had to go help while you and Jongin kept chatting. You stopped for a quick meal halfway through the day in a small clearing beside the trail, as some of the betas went to scout ahead the pack of omegas gathered to eat. You were put as the chef even though you were nowhere as good as the others but you still had to do the job, what you didn't know is that cooking also meant cleaning the dishes. Once everyone finished they handed you their dishes before heading back to the wagons to rest as you went to clean them, Jongin offered to help but you declined since it was your job not his. After assuring him that you would be fine you took the bucket of dishes and headed to the edge of the treeline to wash. You crouched in front of the bucket of water and started washing, you weren’t really paying attention to what was going on around you until shouts went up and you heard the sound of boot against the ground, the scouting team must have returned. You looked up to see a group of panting wolves gathering to those that stayed behind and greeting each other before a familiar voice rang out through the crowd.

“There’s a place camp a few miles away but we have to make it there before nightfall so start packing up because we have to get going.” Chanyeol called out. The wolves all nodded before hurrying to pack up, you stayed there for a few seconds as you couldn't seem to take your eyes off your mate, his gaze drifted to yours and as soon as you made eye contact you quickly snapped out of it and picked up the full bucket. You could feel his eyes watching you as water splashed the hemline of your skirt as you carried the full bucket back, your heart was racing until you finally put everything away and joined Jongin before starting to walk again. You chatted to Jongin for a while but eventually all words were replaced by heavy breathing as the trial got tougher.

Compared to the first half of the day the trail got steadily more difficult, the mountanus hills grew taller and more rocks and roots littered the overgrown trail. As your breathing got heavier you refused to show your struggle as you pushed ahead, you kept going at a steady pace until you finally stopped a few hours later when you came upon the clearing just as the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. Thankfully you weren’t chosen to make the meal again and you immediately went to set up the tent you were going to be sharing with Jongin. It really ended up being you setting up the tent with Jongin holding something here or there since he couldn’t figure out how to put up the poles or tie any ropes. Once you were finally finished and had set out your bedroll you wanted to just curl up and fall asleep but your stomach had other plans as it let out a large grumble.

At the campfire you shared a meal with Kyungsoo who was busy checking everyone to make sure there were no injuries, you chatted for a little while before you felt your eyes get heavy and you decided to call it a night. The next morning you woke up at dawn like usual and began preparing for another day of travel.  

----

Most of the omegas hated the journey but you loved it. You had never left the village before so this was a whole new experience and you were determined to enjoy it, instead of grumbling as you walked you tried to memorize every detail of the world around you, from the way the sun reflected on the water to the colour of each leaf on a tree. You sincerely hoped you weren’t driving Kyungsoo and Jongin insane with all your questions but they never opposed as you asked and asked again about everything you saw. After about two weeks into the journey the weather had already dramatically changed, you started hoarding extra blankets and layering your clothes to stay warm. The other wolves predicted it was going to be one of the coldest winters in the past hundred years so you all had to be prepared for the worst, but you kept asking your questions and trying your best to enjoy it. You started memorizing the birdcalls that you overheard one of the other betas talking about as you were washing clothes though they soon disappeared as the weather began to get colder. The first snow fell in the middle of the day about one month into your journey which you had quickly gotten used too, once camp was made that night the alphas held a meeting to see if it was still a good idea to carry on. News travelled through the camp quickly when the verdict was to continue on even if the snowfall came early but what shocked people even more was that it had been Chanyeol to make the final decision, he was going to become the leader soon.

----

It was almost a month later when you woke up at dawn and rushed from your tent. The weather was colder than it had ever been before and you were walking through blizzards most of the time, thankfully nobody had gotten hurt although there had been a few colds going around. It had stopped snowing last night and had yet to start again when you rushed to the treeline. It felt like your stomach was doing somersaults as you released its contents into the bushes, it had been like this for a few days now but it hadn't gotten this bad until now. There was an arm that came around your shoulders as you continued to empty your stomach into the bushes, Jongin was whispering comforting things as you continued to gag until there was nothing left for you to do.

“Are you okay?” He asked as you both began to walk back to your tent.

“Yeah I’m probably just getting sick. Thank you for being there by the way you didn't have to.” You told him as you weaved through the field of tents. “Of course I did, your my closest friends but…” He said as he squeezed your shoulder tighter in comfort.

“But what?” You asked.

“But you might not be sick.” He explained.

“What do you mean?”

“You could be pregnant.”

You fell silent as the shock of what he just said washed over you. “There’s no way, It’s probably just the cold getting to me.” You mumbled.

“Well if you are mates you had no-” “We should get going or else we’ll hold everyone up.” You cut him off before hurrying back to your tent. Jongin quickly forgot about your conversation but it kept circulating through your brain as the day went on, you couldn’t be pregnant could you? There was absolutely no way.

----

The snow had continued to fall as you reached the most perilous part of the journey, the snow had melted in the sunlight only to freeze into ice at night making the rocky mountains you were crossing even more dangerous than they were in the first place. The pack had slowed their pace and people were being extra cautious in order not to get injured and Kyungsoo was on high alert. People were checked daily for injuries and everyone was full of nerves during the climb but thankfully nobody was injured by the time you got to the peak. You could feel the tensions shift into nothing as everyone settled down for camp that night since the climb was over, and although it was a lot more difficult that the descent you still had a ways left to go.

You were almost to the next campsite and nobody had been injured yet so something just had to go wrong. You had hardly slept the night before since you woke up early sick to your stomach, so you were half asleep as you trudged along next to Jongin, you felt the overwhelming urge to yawn so you squeezed your eyes shut and as you did your foot caught on a patch of ice. You let out a small shriek as your feet slid out from under you and you tumbled into a snowbank on the side of the trail, everything flashed before you and you came back to your senses as arms wrapped around you and pulled you out of the whole you’d created from falling. As you were being pulled up your foot caught on a rock and sparks of pain shot up your leg as you let out another scream and fell onto the person holding you up. Jongin managed to catch you and himself before you tumbled to the ground and Kyungsoo came rushing over.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a rush as he began scanning up and down your body.

“My foot.” You managed to choke out before another wave of pain washed over you.

“Set her down on the wagon.” He ordered Jongin before grabbing his bag and digging around in it, You leaned heavily on Jongin and winced as you limped over to the wagon that thankfully was moving slowly. You eased yourself onto the edge of the slowly rolling wagon as Kyungsoo came back with a blanket that he draped over you.

“We’re almost at the campsite and i can check you there, are you ok to hold on for a few more minutes?” He asked you as he kept spreading the blanket to cover all of your limbs.

You could only nod as you didnt think you could speak without letting out a cry of pain.

He saw your agonized look and grabbed your hands as comfort. “I’m sorry I can’t give you anything to numb the pain but it’s a precaution until we can be sure.” You missed the look he sent Jongin as the wagon went over a bump and jostled your foot and you tried not to cry out. Just as promised you arrived at the camp a few minutes later even though it felt like an eternity because of the pain, you were rushed into your tent as soon as it was set up and not going to fall over because of Jongin’s mediocre tent building skills. You let out a few squeals and moans of pain as Kyungsoo inspected your leg, you were afraid that you were going to break Jongin’s hand from how hard you were squeezing it until Kyungsoo finally sat back.

“Well you really know how to sprain your ankle.” He said as he pulled out a bandage and a waterproof bag from his larger one. “Go fill that up with snow while I wrap her ankle.” He told Jongin who squeezed your hand once more before grabbing the bag on his way out.

You sighed and braced yourself for more uncomfort as he began winding the bandage around your ankle. “Don’t you have some sort of painkillers you can give me?” you hissed out as he continued to wrap your leg.

“I would under almost any other circumstance but I can’t.” He sighed as you let out another squeak.

“And why not?” you managed to ask him.

“I’ll tell you once I’m done and Jongin brings back that bag of snow to stop the swelling.”

You sighed and bit down on your lower lip as he continued, focusing on how the bandage was getting shorter and shorter. Jongin came back just as Kyungsoo was tying off the bandaid and handed him the bag which he placed against your ankle, the sting of pain that came with the cold when the bag hit your skin was soon replaced by relief as you felt it soothe the throbbing of your ankle.

“Can you tell me know?” you asked as Jongin came back and sat beside you, Kyungsoo only stared back at you for a few moments before answering bluntly.

“You’re pregnant.”

Your jaw hung open as you processed what he just told you. “You’re sure?” Was all you could say as you felt the tension in the tent rise. He only nodded before reaching into his bag and pulling out a small jar of tablets.

“These are vitamins that you need to take, it will help with the sickness and make sure you're getting enough nutrients.” You took the bottle from his hands when he held it out to you before placing it beside you, “I can’t believe you hadn’t noticed since you haven’t bled and your stomach has noticeably grown.”

“I thought it was something with the cold and I never really paid attention to my body since the winter clothes cover everything.” Was your lame excuse as he started packing things.

He hummed and continued shoving things into his bag while Jongin scooted closer to you. “I told you soooooo.” He sung into your ear but was rudely surprised when he felt your elbow connect with his stomach, Kyungsoo frowned from his spot on your other side and you two quickly stopped bickering.

“You’ll have to stay with me in the medical tent so I can monitor you for the next couple days,” He started but quickly noticed your sour expression, “I won’t tell anyone about the pregnancy, I’ll say it’s because you’re sick or something.” He quickly reassured you. One thing you liked about Kyungsoo was how observant he was, after knowing him for only a short while he already picked up on the nature of your relationship with your mate and the rest of the pack with no questions asked, you were really grateful to have him with you right now. You nodded gratefully before he dragged Jongin out of the tent to go grab their things and some food with the promise to return soon, you settled back under the mountain of blankets they forced on top of you and tried to relax but it was difficult with the sharp pain still shooting through your ankle.

About half an hour later you were startled by the sound of tent flips opening, you pushed yourself into a sitting position expecting to be greeted by Jongin or Kyungsoo but to your surprise Chanyeol was standing at the entrance with a dish of food. You were tempted to ask him so leave but just the sight of food made your stomach growl with hunger. “What are you doing here?” you managed to ask him once he came in farther.

“Kyungsoo told me what happened and I wanted to check if you were alright since you’re my mate and all.” He said before kneeling down at the end of your bedroll and extending the dish towards you. You kept a blank expression on your face as you took the bowl from his hands and took a tentative bite, you almost sighed as the food hit your tongue and you realized how hungry you were.

“I should get going.” Was all he said before turning around and heading back out into the cold, once he was gone you started shovelling the food into your mouth before eventually falling into a deep sleep.

----

After a few weeks you were back walking with everyone else walking along the snow covered trail once Kyungsoo gave you the okay. The morning after you found out you were pregnant Jongin began interrogating you, it was a constant back and forth of what you were going to do and if you were going to tell Chanyeol or not. In the end you finally shut him up by saying you would tell him when you were ready but then the question started circling you, when would you be ready and what would happen if you told him? You were carrying his pup inside of you so you should tell him but at the same time you couldn’t, it wasn’t like it was an out of the ordinary thing to happen, it was in fact expected after the mating ritual but you were still the outcast with the pup of the next head alpha in your stomach. You made Kyungsoo, Jongin, and his mate which he accidentally told not to tell anyone under any circumstances and thankfully your heavy winter layers covered up the steady growing of your stomach which you became more aware of each time you changed. It soon became obvious that you were behind schedule because of the heavy snow and the multiple times you’ve had to stop because of blizzards and soon came the official announcement that it would take up to and extra two months before you reached the wolf village. There had been only a few run ins with rouges which were quickly scared off since even they were smart enough not to be out in this weather but every time you even heard about the sighting of a rogue you got shivers. Thankfully the medicine Kyungsoo gave you was working and you stopped getting sick as often even though you did have off days, it was now when you really missed Irma since she had already went through this multiple times.

Eventually the weather calmed down and even though it wasn’t full of freak snowstorms it was still very cold, the pack began to get excited since you were nearing the end of your journey and getting closer and closer to home but you got even more anxious since you still hadn’t told Chanyeol. Ever since that night when he brought you food you kept seeing each other everywhere, it made you incredibly nervous since your stomach was almost too big to keep hidden and sometimes it felt like he already knew. It was midnight a few days ago when you felt a shove to the inside of your stomach and you quickly rushed to Kyungsoo’s tent, after a few minutes of panicked blabbering to the half asleep healer he was finally able to calm you down and explain it was just the baby in your stomach moving around and kicking you. From that point on the urge to cover your swollen belly with your hands was like second nature and you had to stop yourself from doing it in front of everybody but you still had a little smile every time you felt the pup move around in your stomach even if it could cause you discomfort sometimes.

----

You woke up early in the morning just before the sun rose to a small fall of snow, you sighed as you saw the serene view and since only a few wolves were awake yet you decided to take a stroll. Your layers were thrown on quickly and sloppily with your heavy coat going on last as you were anxious to go out and explore before there were too many people, you also knew that Jongin and Kyungsoo would object but what harm could a little fun be?

A childlike wonder filled you as you took a tentative step out of the tent door and into the undisturbed snow, as soon as you heard the crunch of your boots you took a step and then another, and then another until you were bounding through the trees surrounding the campsite with squeals of joy. The boundless energy you were filled with before didn't last for long as you were soon out of breath and back to walking through the trees but your joy didn't disappear. You drifted between the trees as you let the absence of sound other than your boots through the snow calm you, you let out a deep sigh before letting your hands drift over your still growing stomach. “Someday I hope you’ll love the snow.” You whispered in the sanctuary of the trees. Soon enough your stomach would grow too large to be concealed by your large coat or heavy layers, what would you do then? Would you tell him? These thoughts swan through your mind as you continued to wander, not realizing that you were getting further and further from the camp until an uncomfortable feeling crawled up your body. You stilled and quickly snapped your head  behind you to look around, right when you thought you were safe a warm mass knocked you to the ground. You let out an ear splitting scream as you looked up to see a large snarling wolf that was foaming from the mouth pinning you to the ground.

“Be quiet.” It growled before pinning you harder. You continued to thrash and scream until hoping someone would hear you and come to your rescue as the wolf snapped from above you, your throat went raw and you felt your arms being scratched until suddenly the weight was thrown off you. You rolled to the side to see a familiar black coat fighting of the wolf that was on top of you before, there was snapping of jaws and growls as the wolves wrestled through the snow. Breathing heavily and still lying in the snow you watched them as they left trails of crimson in the snow as they continued to fight on, the rogue that had attacked you and the black pelted wolf were a pretty even match but eventually there was a whimper of defeat and the rogue ran off with his tail between his legs. You reopened your eyes when you felt a wet nose against your cheek that was soon replaced by a warm hand, you saw Chanyeol hovering over you with furrowed brows before there were more footsteps in the distance and another pair of arms wrapped around you. You felt like you were swimming and dreaming at the same time as Chanyeol and one of the other alphas carried you back to the camp, nobody said anything as you lent your head on Chanyeol’s shoulder and let them carry you.

You came back to your senses enough to understand what was going on around you when Kyungsoo came running up to you.

“Get your hands off my mate.” Chanyeol growled before jerking you backwards behind him.

“And I’m the healer so I need to take a look at her.” Kyungsoo stressed as he tried to come up to you again only to be stopped by Chanyeol once more.

“She’s my mate and I’ll take care of her. I know how to treat scrapes and bruises just fine.” He snarled.

“I really think you should let me-”

“NO!” Chanyeol cut him off, “You’d better get out of my way Kyungsoo or your just going to make it worse for yourself.”

You could tell Chanyeol was getting more and more worked up while Kyungsoo was panicking more as each second passes.

“Chanyeol, I need to check if the baby is all right.” Kyungsoo finally blurted out as Chanyeol began pulling you away again.

“The baby?” Chanyeol said as he froze.

“Yes, the baby. Now you better bring her to my tent before something you regret happens.” Kyungsoo warned before you felt yourself being moved again.

----

You woke up to the sound of voices around you and the familiar setting of Kyungsoo’s medical tent.

“She has mild hypothermia and she ended up going into shock but other than that and the few scrapes and bruises she and the baby are fine.” Kyungsoo explained to the other person in the tent.

“Are you sure they’re going to be fine?” Chanyeol asked, he seemed afraid but you couldn’t put your finger on why. “I’m sure.” Kyungsoo answered. The memories of what had happened slowly started coming back to you and you could feel the soreness in your body, you started to shift into a more comfortable position but immediately froze when you heard Chanyeol start talking again.

“If you don’t mind me asking, uh how far along is she?” he asked and you heard some more shuffling before there was a reply.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and you felt a hand placed on your stomach and then it suddenly disappeared as if it was yanked away. “Around six months I think which means there’s only a few months left.”

There a lull in the conversation and at that point you couldn’t hold it for any longer, you let out a groan as you tried to shift into a sitting position and arms quickly wrapped around you to help you up. Once you were relatively secure with a mountain of pillows behind you Chanyeol unwrapped his arms from around you but didn’t leave your side.

“Good to see you’re feeling better.” Kyungsoo said with a smile.

“I’m definitely not feeling good but I am feeling better.” You said with a half smile before letting out a small grunt of pain when a particularly deep cut caught on one of the blankets. You saw Chanyeol flinch and move his hand out to help you but quickly pull it back as a second thought.

“I’m glad to hear that, you’ll have to rest for a few days which means no more wandering off and as little exertion as possible but you’ll be fine.” Kyungsoo explained as your hand ghosted across your stomach for reassurance as if it might not be there. He turned back and started packing up some equipment as you continued to sit awkwardly as you could feel Chanyeol's eyes rake over you, you swallowed uncomfortably as the tent was still silent except for the sound of shuffling medical supplies but before you could start freaking out Kyungsoo turned back around.

“There’s also something I wanted to tell you two,” He started as he shut the chest of supplies, you both stared back at him waiting for him to continue. “You probably already know but werewolves have a higher chance than humans of having twins, triplets, or even quadruplets and since you’re expecting I thought I would warn you just in case.”

Before you could even begin to think about the information Chanyeol immediately cut in. “When can she move into my tent?” He asked but more like demanded.

“Hold on-”

“Whenever is okay but just let me know.”

“Okay, we’re going now.”

“Hey wait a minute-” Before you knew it arms were wrapped around you and you were lifted into the air blankets and all. You hardly even felt the chill outside before you were gently set down in an unfamiliar tent you were guessing was Chanyeol’s.

“What makes you think that you can just drag me around like this?” You demanded once you were set down.

“First off I wasn’t the one who wandered into the woods and got attacked by an alpha and second, I didn’t drag you a carried you.” He stated before sitting down across from you.

“That doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want just because you’re a stupid alpha!” You exclaimed.

He scoffed, “I’m not the one who didn’t tell my own mate I was pregnant with his pup, unless it wasn’t mine.”

“Do you really think of me like that?” You asked in disbelief.

He let out a emotionless chuckle. “If that wasn’t the issue then why wouldn’t you tell me, huh?”

“I was scared!”

“Scared of what?!” he exclaimed as he threw his arms into the air.

“Of everything! Of your family, of the rest of the pack, of you.” Your voice died down as you said the last few words. Your hands were balled in your blankets and he was fuming as your eyes fell to your lap, there was absolutely no way this was going to turn out well.

“You were afraid of me?” He asked.

You nodded and took a deep breath before answering. “The only reason you mated with me in the first place was to get back at the pack because you were angry and now I get pregnant which is just what they want so why wouldn’t you be angry at me?!”

“So you decided to keep it a secret?” He questioned you.

“Yes!”

“Why would I ever be angry at you for carrying my pup?” Your head shot up at his now soft voice. Your eyes caught on his which now weren’t filled with the flames of anger like before but a soft almost loving look, you opened your mouth to say something in reply but the words caught in your throat when you felt a familiar pressure.

“Oh-” you exclaimed and brought your hands up to your swollen stomach. Chanyeol frowned and quickly scrambled to your side at the first sign of distress. “What’s wrong?” He asked frantically as his hands hovered over you, “Is something wrong with the baby?”

“No it’s just kicking, it’s been doing that a lot lately.” You sighed as you felt another bump against your stomach, you looked up to see Chanyeol staring back at you with a wonderstruck expression hands still hovering. “Do you want to feel it?” You asked in a moment of surprise which seemed to break him out of the trance and look back at you.

“Can I?” He asked and you just giggled at his excited expression and grabbed his hands to guide them to your stomach, he hesitated when you pulled your sweater up to reveal your stomach so he could feel better. You just sighed and placed his hands onto your stomach shivering when his cool hands touched you, he gave you a concerned look and you just smiled before shifting his hands around so he could feel it. The look of pure shock on his face when he felt the little bump against his large palm was enough to make a huge smile burst out onto your face and you felt your heart lift as he began running his hands across your stomach trying to find it again with his smile growing every time he felt it again.

“That’s amazing,” He breathed out, “I wish you would have told me sooner.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered as your eyes fell back to your lap, you hung your head back down for a few seconds before he wrapped one of his hands around yours while leaving the other one resting on your stomach.

You brought your head up to meet his before he started talking again. “You don’t have to apologize, even though I may not understand completely I understand enough to know it was my fault too. I should have never said those things to you on the night of the feast, especially since they weren’t all true.” He took a deep breath before explaining. “I didn’t specifically choose you as my mate to piss off the pack, I could have chosen any omega other than Chaeyoung and it still would have pissed them off but I decided to go to the first omega I was drawn to which happened to be you even if you were the farthest away. I guess remembered you from previous celebrations since your peaches were always my favourite and you always looked so happy when dancing with your friends.”

“I shouldn’t have said the things I said to you either, we’ve both had hard lives in different ways and it was unfair to put my troubles before yours.” You confessed shyly. This was the most civilized conversation you’ve ever had with your mate and it only took you almost getting killed.

“How about we start over with a clean slate?” Chanyeol proposed. “We haven’t really had the best run but after seeing you laughing and having fun with Kyungsoo and Jongin I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous and don’t you think that this little guy deserves it?” He asked angling his head to your stomach.

“Ok.” You agreed. Ever since you left the human village the feeling of hate you’d once had for Chanyeol was replaced more with curiosity and admiration as you saw him lead the pack, of course you still had a pang of jealousy whenever you remembered the night of the feast with him and Chaeyoung but it gradually disappeared as you saw him refuse her attempts time and time again.

A bright smile grew on his face when he heard your answer and the pure joy you saw was making your heart flutter before it was interrupted with a huge yawn.

“What time is it?” You asked once he reopened his eyes, it was dark outside when he carried you to his tent but you couldn’t gage what time it actually was.

“I think it's around one in the morning.” He said sheepishly.

Your jaw hung open. “I was out for that long?”

“You were really cold and Kyungsoo said you were in shock and it was really scary.” He explained from his seat beside you.

“So you were awake that whole time?” You asked and he only nodded. “We’re going to sleep now.” You ordered before shuffling over on the bedroll and pulling him down next to you, you could see the dark circles and worry under his eyes which only strengthened your resolve.

“But what if something-” He tried to protest as you threw the blanket over him and cut him off.

“If you don’t sleep I won’t sleep.” That seemed to shut him up as you blew out the lantern and buried yourself under the blankets. You hadn’t slept very well for the past few days, whether it be the pup in your stomach kicking nonstop, the cold, or just general discomfort you hadn’t slept and you were thankful for the chance to now. You felt a warm arm thrown over to you and land on your stomach before it was followed by soft snores and you knew Chanyeol had fallen asleep.

----

There was only about one month left till you reached the village and everyone was getting more and more excited as well as you. Chanyeol had taken to hovering around you like a parent making sure you were fine every second of everyday as much as he could, long story short he was incredibly clingy whenever he could afford to be. After the news got out that you were pregnant it travelled through the pack like wildfire and the next day you two must have been congratulated by everyone in the pack except for the other omegas of course which were fuming with jealousy. Jongin and his mate were ecstatic when they figured out and immediately volunteered to be your personal babysitters whenever you needed it.

From that night on you shared a tent with Chanyeol since he could barely go a minute without making sure you were alive when you weren’t hiking, eventually you had to tell him to stop worrying since it was getting to be a little too much which almost turned into another argument but thankfully didn’t. In the next month you and Chanyeol got a lot closer than before and you realized he wasn’t a stone cold alpha but still a fun loving child at heart. Your stomach grew steadily over the next month and it looked like you were about to burst which was also accompanied by a whole new onslaught of aches and pains.

----

The day you finally arrived in the village it was amazing, mates threw themselves together and families embraced with tears of joy, cheers went up in the crowd when everyone was finally home and the families who were reunited made you couldn’t wait till you had one of your own. When the news that you were Chanyeol’s mate and that you were pregnant travelled through the wolf village there were whispers but they were easily outshined by the onslaught of congratulations. The feast that was thrown that night was completely different from those held back at the human village, the dancing and food was all the same but there were different traditions with the wolves. After everyone was finished eating and all the traditional dance performances were finished the new mates who arrived were lined up and given congratulations, gifts, and wishes of joy and fertility from the pack before being carted off to their houses with the doors locked behind them. It was a flurry of hoots and hollers as older omegas from the village grabbed your arms and older alphas and betas grabbed chanyeol’s and took you back to the small house that was given to your mate before he chose one of his own. After the door clicked shut you observed the surroundings in the house that was more like one large room, there was a large bed covered in lush furs right in the center with a small table and a wash basin off to the side. A few candles gave off a soft glow and there was a small door off to the side which you only hoped led to a bathroom, Chanyeol moved from beside you and kicked off his boots before collapsing on the large bed.

“I really don’t understand this.” You stated before kicking of your boots as well and shedding your layers before sitting down. “I mean why would they lock us in a room together?”

“Well,” Chanyeol chuckled, “Most wolves get told about it by their parents but it’s kind of like an insurance policy after the mating ritual.” He explained, you felt heat rise to your cheeks as you understood what he was insinuating and ducked away which only made him giggle. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect anything since we just came back from a long journey and we already have a bun in the oven.” He assured you.

You sighed and leaned back next to him on the bed. “I have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“Do we have a house or are we going to have to stay here?” You asked before wiggling over as close as your belly would let you, you saw a huge smile find its way onto his face. “Why are you smiling like an idiot?” You demanded before he let out a chuckle.

“You said ‘we’.” He told you.

You felt a blush rising on your cheeks again as you realized what he said, you tried to duck away again but he caught you and pressed a soft kiss against your cheek which was followed by another one against your lips.

“Don’t worry, it was cute and I loved it.” He assured you which made you smile. “And to answer your first question, we do have a house and we can move in as soon as you want.”

“Tomorrow?” You immediately asked which made him laugh a little.

“Tomorrow is perfect, I just hope you like it.” He agreed and kissed the top of your head.

“As long as it’s with you and this little one I’ll love it.” You told him before snuggling even closer than you already were, you two stayed like that for a few more minutes before he started talking again.

“Do you think I’ll be a good dad?” He asked.

“Of course I do.” You answered almost immediately. “You are one of the most loving and strong people I have ever met and I think you’ll be great.”

“Thank you.” He sighed. “Fo what?”

“For everything, at first I thought I would just mate with you once then ignore the fact completely but now I’m so glad that we’re going to have a family and I couldn’t have picked anyone better.”

“You’re going to make me cryyyyyy.” You whined and he chuckled, “I couldn’t have asked for anyone better either, at first I thought you were a spoiled brat that was the worst of the worst but now I think you’re my favourite person in the entire world.” You sniffed.

“You’re my favourite person as well but your title might be stolen when that little one decides to make an appearance.” he teased and you faked a small pout. “I’m just really sorry because now that we’re back I'm going to have to be away a lot since now everyone and their mother is preparing for me to be appointed head alpha and tensions with the rogues are rising especially after all the run-ins we had on the journey.” He explained.

“I understand and I’ll wait for you.” You assured him, “Just keep the pack safe.”

“Yes mam!”

You giggled and both eventually fell into silence that was soon replaced by soft snores, deep breathes, and dreams.

----

The house was beautiful, you couldn’t have asked for anything better. It was on the edge of the village in a little clearing at the edge of the forest, compared to some of the giant houses other wolves had yours was small but perfect for your small family. There was three bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and Chanyeol assured you that there was room to expand if it was needed but the best part by far was the little fenced off area in the back which was already set up perfectly for a garden. A bashful blush made its way onto his face when he admitted he sent a message ahead with a few of the runners who arrived back at the village first asking for it to be built before you returned. You giggled and squeezed him tight before immediately heading to the shed where all the supplies you’d brought with you were already all set up and you got to work with Chanyeol helping you here and there.

That night Jongin, his mate, Kyungsoo, and his friend MInseok which you had met at the feast the night before all came over for dinner that also doubled as a housewarming party.

“You really should have entered that pie contest back at the festival of fallen leaves!” Chanyeol exclaimed as he devoured another piece of pie. “This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted!”

“You’re just saying that because you haven’t had any decent food in like six months idiot.” You teased him which brought out laughs around the table. The night followed similarly until you bid everyone goodnight and collapsed on the bed beside your mate, immediately falling asleep.

The next month followed much as Chanyeol had warned you about with him rushing around and only seeing you in the mornings, evening, and rare times when you he had a day off. You felt somewhat lonely during the days but your newfound friends helped you and when you saw your mate you immediately forgot about all your worries. News travelled fast through the village when it was announced that the pack from the other side of the river a few miles away would be coming so that a treaty would be formed. Most people thought it was to avoid a war between the two packs but Chanyeol confessed that it was really to provide protection from the growing threat of the rogues that was looming over both packs., they had gotten more violent with more attacks regularly on hunting parties and travellers. Although he hadn’t said it outright you could tell they were preparing for a war which was making you increasingly nervous for you, the pack, and the pup.

----

It was one of the days where you were feeling good enough to move around without your giant belly weighing you down, you could feel your due date approaching faster and faster while Kyungsoo warned you to take it easy since you were finding it harder to do even small tasks. You were out watering your plants in the garden when you heard the crunch of gravel behind you, today was the day the envoy from the other pack was supposed to arrive so Chanyeol had left early that morning.

“Y/n!” Jongin called out as he reached the edge of the gate. “One of the wolves from the other pack is asking for you in town!”

You frowned wondering why a wolf from the neighbouring pack would ask for you but set down your watering can and wadled behind Jongin as fast as you could with a few breaks here and there to the center of the village. You were leaning against Jongin who was probably the only reason you were still walking as you approached the crowd. You could hear the questions from a few feet away as people were chatting with the visitors, Jongin was about to leave you on a bench to go find the wolf when you saw the crowd break and someone walk out. The She wolf was definitely and alpha as she walked through the parted crowd, as soon as her eyes landed on the two of you she broke into run heading in your direction which shocked both you and Jongin but decided to go with it.

“Y/n!” She called out as she got closer. You caught a whiff of her scent in the wind and were vaguely aware of all the eyes following her before you shot up from the bench and waddled over to meet her. You two immediately threw your arms around each other and embraced as best you could with your huge belly in the way.

“Mom.” You whispered into her shoulder as you inhaled the familiar scent that you hadn’t known since you were a baby. Once you broke apart you grabbed her hand a brought her over to where Jongin was still standing at the bench very confused trying to get away from all the eyes.

“Jongin, this is my mom.” You introduced her to your friend and the look of shock on his face when he realized what you said was priceless. Introductions followed quickly after before you finally asked the important questions.

“How did you get here?” You asked once you were all sat down.

She let out a long sigh before replying. “It’s a long story.”

“We have time.” Jongin assured her.

“Well, everyone thinks that I was banished from the pack because Y/n’s father was a rogue who attacked me but that’s not really true. As you know alpha relationships rarely ever work out and are generally frowned upon and that’s part of the story but not all of it. Before either of you were born and before your current head alpha was the leader there was a competition for who would be the next leader, I was one of the candidates. During the competition I fell in love with one of the other candidates and became pregnant with you, I didn’t tell anyone who your father was to protect him but I was quickly removed from the competition. After many months had passed the new current head alpha was selected as a leader and the competition ended around the same time as you were born. He always held a grudge against me throughout our whole lives and once he gained power he fabricated the story that your father was a rogue and banished me but not before I left you here. I ended up joining the pack across the river after I told them what happened but I couldn’t come get you since tensions between the packs were high until now when your next head alpha is taking over and the threat of rogues is growing.”

Everyone was silent for a few moments when she finished.

“I’m just glad you’re finally back.” You breathed out before leaning your head against her shoulder.

“I am too pumpkin but let's talk about you, you’re about to burst!” She exclaimed. “When are you due?”

“The healer said anytime now so I’m just waiting.” You told her.

“Well thank goodness I got here now before I became a grandma.” she teased, “So who’s your mate.”

“Chanyeol.” You whispered.

“Chanyeol as in the next head alpha?”

You nodded your head and she squeezed your shoulder. “You got a good one darling, he mentions you at every turn and you can tell he loves you a lot.”

----

Chanyeol was obviously surprised when you introduced him to your mother but welcomed her with open arms even after she explained the circumstances of your heritage. She ended up staying in one of the extra bedrooms in your house and you were thankful for all the time you had together after so many years of lost time. You learned that she had kept tabs on you through her whole life and you got your green thumb from your father since she couldn’t keep a plant alive for more than a week no matter how much she tried to help you with your garden. At the end of the week you felt like you had known her your whole life until you woke to her shaking you awake.

You opened your eyes groggily to see your mother standing and looking panicked above you, it was only you two in the house since Chanyeol had night watch.

“Y/n an army of rogues were spotted at the border and are moving to attack, we have to go now!” She whispered hurriedly. It took a few moments before you realized what she said and pushed yourself up from bed as best you could and threw a sweater over your nightclothes before following her outside. Your arm was around her shoulders and she was supporting you as you did your best to move forward, breathing heavily. You both heard the crunch of gravel and caught Kyungsoo's scent coming towards you with a sigh of relief.

“I’ll take her, you go help the others!” He called to your mother before she let Kyungsoo take her place.

“Make sure Chanyeol is alright and promise me you’ll come back, I’ve just gotten you back and I can’t lose you again.” You said with teary eyes while squeezing her hands.

“Stay safe.” Your mom whispered before pressing a kiss t your forehead and quickly turning to her wolf form before running away.

“The rest of the omegas and children are in the medical center so we have to get there, okay?” Kyungsoo told you and you nodded. You managed to walk for a few more minutes and were almost to the medical ward before you felt a wave of pain in your stomach and liquid drip down your legs, you let out a groan of pain and looked over at Kyungsoo who was staring at you with wide eyes.

“What’s happening to me?” You whispered as the pain slowly disappeared again.

“I think your water just broke.” Kyungsoo said. You two stared at each other in shock for a few seconds before you heard a howl of pain from the forest and broke out of your trance.

“We need to get to the medical ward because this pup is coming now, can you still walk?” He demanded. You nodded and he wrapped his arm under your shoulders and took most of your weight onto him before starting to move again. You made it a few more meters before another wave of pain washed through you and you let out a low hiss but kept moving. A few minutes later Kyungsoo burst into the medical ward with you on his arm.

“WE NEED HOT WATER AND TOWELS NOW! PREPARE ONE OF THE ROOMS!” He called out to the room of frazzled omegas and children who immediately jumped into action. You were taken by two omegas into a room with a bed and full of medical supplies as others rushed around you gathering supplies.

“It hurts!” You cried out as another wave of pain washed through you and Kyungsoo came and clutched your hands.

He winced as you squeezed them but didn’t make a move to pull them from your grasp. “I know it hurts but just a few more minutes and you can push.”

“Okay…” You breathed out as the pain slowly faded again and you leaned your head back breathing heavily.

“Y/n, I want to warn you that it might be multiple pups so you have to be prepared.” He told you as you let out a low groan, you nodded before he gave you one last squeeze on your hand and disappearing out of your sight. You could hear the battle that was going on at the edge of the forest echoing through the valley, you could hear the battle cries or many wolves and the vicious growls, even the howls of pain and in that moment all you wished for was Chanyeol to be ok.

----

‘Where is Chanyeol?’ she growled to her packmate as she approached the thick of the battle.

‘Where he always is, at the front lines.’ the wolf replied.

She let out an annoyed huff before shaking her head, ‘That boy better survive or I’ll find him in the afterlife and kill him again.’ She growled before bunching her muscles and taking off.

----

Chanyeol let out a hiss of pain as the rogue who was on top of him slashed up his leg. He had been fighting since the first rogues had been spotted over an hour ago and hadn’t been able to figure out anything going on outside of the battle. He’d been in wars before and even if they knew this was coming and were preparing for it he was always shocked at the reality of war, Y/n had been circling through his mind since the first sighting. She was pregnant and had no battle experience but if anything ever happened to her he knew there was no way he could live with himself so he had to get back to her as soon as possible.

The rogue on top of him let out a surprised howl as he was thrown off by another alpha throwing herself into him, he immediately flipped onto his feet ignoring the searing pain and went to go help the alpha he recognized was Y/n’s mother finish fighting off the alpha. Once the rogue was running away with its tail between its legs Chanyeol was yanked behind a large bush.

‘Promise me you won’t get yourself killed.’ she hissed ‘You can’t leave Y/n and your pups alone.’ ‘I won’t I swear.’ He told her.

‘Good now we have to get back out there and finish this.’

----

“Now push!” Kyungsoo exclaimed as you grip on the sheet tightened, you had tried to wait but the pups refused and you had to start pushing. You let out another anguished scream before the pressure suddenly released and you heard a cry.

“It’s a boy!” Kyungsoo called out but you cut him off with another scream as the pressure returned again.

“What’s happening?’ You strangled out as you couldn’t stop yourself from crying out.

“It’s twins, you need to push again!” Kyungsoo called out as you yelled again. You pushed as hard as you could until it felt like you might actually explode before the pressure was relieved once again and didn't return.

“It’s a girl.” Kyungsoo whispered as he placed the two crying babies on your chest. “One girl and one boy.”

You felt tears prick at the edge of your eyes as you looked down and the little wiggling pups who were lying on your chest “Thank you,” you managed to say through ragged breaths, “Is the battle over?”

“Yes, somebody just went to go find Chanyeol and he should be here any second.” He said in a soft voice. “Just rest, you did a really good job.”

Right as he finished his sentence the door burst open and Chanyeol came limping in and collapsed beside you, you could see the tears that were already streaming down his cheeks as he looked at the scene before him.

“They’re so beautiful.” he whispered as he reached out a finger for a tiny hand to grab, he gave the biggest smile you had ever seen as a small fist latched on and refused to let go. “You can’t believe how happy I am.” He told you before pressing a soft kiss onto your lips. “I can’t believe we had twins.”

“Are you okay?” You whispered before reaching up and brushing a stray lock of hair out of his eyes to see the blood dried on his forehead and the bruise blooming on his cheekbone.

“I’m okay don’t worry,” He assured you as he grabbed your hand and held it in his own, “You rest and I’ll go get checked out by Kyungsoo when you’re asleep.”

“But what are we going to name them?” you asked him and he chuckled.

“How about Daewon and Miso?”

“That's perfect.” You sighed and looked at the little pups as they wiggled around.

----

Epilogue

Daewon and Miso were almost a year old when the trail was finally travelable again. The previous head alpha was one of the many casualties in the battle so immediately after Chanyeol was appointed as a replacement, he kept the treaty with the pack across the river in place which had rapidly grown into a close bond between packs. The day when your mother left with the rest of her pack full of tears and sad goodbye, Chanyeol had offered her a place in the pack if she wanted to stay but she declined saying that it wasn’t her pack anymore. You made her promise to visit as often as she could which she happily agreed to before sending her off, you would miss her but you knew that it was what’s best. As your two pups grew your garden did as well until it was flourishing with plant life of every sort but it was still nothing compared to your farm but you knew it was being taken care of well by Irma. You and Chanyeol had never been closer with your little family and now Jongin and his mate were expecting a child of their own which they couldn’t stop asking questions about. It was easy to say that Chanyeol had proven himself wrong and was the best father your pups could have ever dreamed of as he could always make them laugh even when he was grumpy from the many, many sleepless nights.

Now he had proven himself once again as you were all greeted by the human village as you returned for the festival of flowers. You heard the telltale scream before you saw Irma hurtling towards you through the crowd with Songho in tow only to freeze right in front of you when she saw the sleeping baby in your arms.

“When did this happen?” she asked excitedly when she saw the little one yawn.

“Mating ritual.” Chanyeol cut in with a smirk which only surprised her more when she saw the second sleeping baby in his arms. You knocked your shoulder into his and he faked an injury as a blush rose to your face, of course there had been many other encounters after that but it still made you embarrassed when he brought it up.

“There’s two.” Irma whispered in disbelief.

“Daeho,” you said gesturing to the little wriggling baby in your arms, “And Miso.” You said gesturing to the little bundle in Chanyeol’s.

“I knew you’d be a great mom!” She exclaimed before throwing her arm around you as carefully as she could and shooing the two men away. “You have to tell me everything!” She exclaimed before the two of you followed the men who were chatting a few feet ahead as you all headed to the farm. You told her about your whole journey in as much detail as you could muster as you slowly walked down the road, she listened intently making a few comments here and there before launching into her own story.

The farm looked the same as you remembered it in the spring, flowers covering the fields and the river running by with the addition of the second house a little farther away. Irma’s family was just as chaotic as you remembered and the festival was beautiful with flowers covering the entire town and delicious food everywhere. You danced and sang till you felt like you couldn’t walk or talk anymore, It felt like you’d returned back to your childhood as you leaned your head against Chanyeol’s shoulder. You ditched the town festival early and were sitting in the flower lined riverbank with the two sleeping pups in your arms.

“I love you,” you sighed into his shoulder as you listened to the rush of the river and the music from the town in the distance.

“Then why don’t we expand on our little family?” He teased and you elbowed him.

“You’re such a dog.”

“I was just kidding,” He wheezed as you placed your head back on his shoulder, “I love you too and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.” He whispered before placing a small kiss on each of your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, and the leaning down to capture your lips with his.