#and now i have a headache woohoo
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einaudis ¡ 3 months ago
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theres-whump-in-that-nebula ¡ 3 months ago
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I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!
#Wasn’t prepared for freeway driving at all but I surprisingly didn’t screw myself or the person following me over#now that I have Siri hooked up to the car stereo that is#Also nothing quite like being on high alert all day to give you a tension headache#But fortunately for me it wasn’t warranted because if anyone wanted to like chop me up and put me in a freezer they would have#But I’m talking to you now and I’m obviously not dead so woohoo#Don’t worry I never go into anything unprepared. And I’m the most resourceful person I know other than my father#Who does not surpass me but equals me#But yeah they’re actually nice and neurodivergently-honest and not trying to love bomb me so far as I can tell#Because I was getting “this is weird” vibes but never the “don’t do this you’re gonna die” feeling#And they’re quite obviously auDHD so I crunched some numbers based on observable behavior and determined#much of the bubbly “too much” behavior was coming from that#but I was unaccustomed to it because I’m on the polar opposite end of the DSM for ADHD (unsure of autism)#and am less likely to recognize behaviors I don’t engage in as being a symptom of neurodivergence#If that makes any sense at all#Like I’m heavily heavily introverted and quiet and soft-spoken and never initiate friendly physical contact with anyone while talking#I’m very reserved with people I don’t know and am in possession of the most blunted affect known to man and don’t reveal my hand#Ever#So seeing someone engage in the opposite of those behaviors to a degree that isn’t normal with me made me take a step or two back#because my sensory/social/trauma issues are opposed to those kind of things#So I prepared just in case my assessment of them was incorrect but everything turned out fine.#I may be extremely introverted and socially awkward (or at least I feel like I am)#but I make up for it by being able to read shrimp social cues— social cues you didn’t even know existed#(And I also project the vibe of “I have eyes in the back of my head” which makes me kind of scary for someone as slight as I am)#But yeah I’m grateful to have met them and that they’re nice#It sounds like I don’t like them but I swear I do. The circumstances of the journey made me more apprehensive than the person themself
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leezuhh ¡ 9 months ago
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why does the human body have to be like "oho... you're extremely stressed out because you have four major assignments due tomorrow and nobody in one of your group project groups is saying anything? well.... i have just the thing for you ;)" [inflicts poison damage]
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aria0fgold ¡ 5 months ago
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Feeling energetic again YAY! YIPPEE!!! So now I'm eating dessert :D Yummy ensaymada!!! Everything is made better with yummy food!
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milo-is-rambling ¡ 8 months ago
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Weight talk tw I guess idk how to describe the post sorry im a little high
It’s so weird being around people who talk about weight problems (IOP) and like idk it brings up weird shit in my brain almost anxiety that I should feel bad about myself somehow like I’m doing this wrong being confident idk. Weird self doubt thing that happens when you’ve loved yourself (hmm. Rephrase. I don’t care about being fat. let’s say that.) and then you’re in a room full of people having a group discussion about how they avoid living their life in happy ways because they don’t want to become like you. But you love yourself. But everyone in your life since you were little has been dieting and talking about weight and specific numbers (someone was anxious about gaining seven pounds! SEVEN. If they saw my scale they would shit themselves. I put on seven pounds taking a big bong rip Jesus fucking Christ seven pounds. I wanted to rip my hair out.)
Next time weight issues come up in IOP I’m stepping out of the room. Like idk how to explain it cause it’s like not a trigger but I guess it is ? But it’s just so weird like the way I’m triggered makes me want to cry why does the world hate me for being fat what the fuck !!!!
#me when I gain weight issues through thinking about my own body in a group setting#ughhh#whatever fuck it#taking an anxiety med chavas at work Levi’s on a train (EXCITED!!!!) I’m gonna take my little sedative friend and try to take a nap bc six#and a half hours after the last two days I’ve had is fucking nothing. going to nap city will fix me.#also taking my morning med. I haven’t done that yet I need to eat *stares into camera* to take my meds gahhhh I hate having a human form an#intestines just take the med with one cracker and not get sick what the fuck body I’m so sick of heart burn I want to burn down the world#and now that I’ve had a med increase I get fucking withdrawal symptoms if I miss a morning dose which I found out bc I left my meds at home#accidentally on Monday when I was so overtired and forgot to put them back in my bag for IOP (cause they have food at IOP so I take them#there once I’ve eaten) and then I had a headache for like half of the day and I was so overtired I was crying on the drive home cause I#wanted to sleep so bad and then I got home and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up even on the sleep meds until I talked to kath and she#calmed me down just existing the little sweetheart god I love her okay anyways babble over I’m very overtired and a little cranky and my#brother has been in a very bitchy mood recently idk what’s got him on edge but everything is setting him off into little fights like not#just with me he was fighting with mom this morning he’s just kick to getting worked up recently which leads to me being angry wanting to be#rude which means do the opposite which means show extra compassion woohoo coping skills 🗣️🗣️#anyways. post panic attack sedative nap (my beloved) or perhaps work on editing my vlog#I’m high ​ I forgot you can’t hit comma on tags. edit my vlog. vacuum. (I always spell vacuum with two c’s and not two u’s and I think#autocorrect should not correct me on that one bc I think I am right in my soul idk why#there’s another word I’m like that with but I forget what it is . okay bye thank you for listening to my type words goodbye goodnight mwah#it’s ​nap time babyyyyyy#idk if I have to trigger tag this ? someone let me know if I do please
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lara-cairncross ¡ 6 months ago
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masterpost weewoo ✨✨
general art tag general ask tag fanfic recommendations
🧚hidden hollow au / rottmnt fairy au stuff:
au tag fanart/fanwriting tag "ask mikey" tag
original designs (this is kinda outdated now lmao)
brief intro comic
april -> leo size comparison
mini lore comic 1
info about mikey's talent
general idea for wings + shell anatomy
mini lore comic 2
info about leo's talent
mini lore comic 2.5??? (not important just funny to me personally)
shelldon exists. kinda.
thingy about their fangs (good color ref)
TURTLE TOTS
usagi intro!
raph shell ref
mini lore comic 3
ref for donnie's markings (kinda)
big lore comic 1
ao3 fanfics (from most recently updated to oldest)
link to my Ao3 page
are you lonely yet?
-> 6/? chapters, 11k words, english, Donnie- and- Mikey-centric.
notes: uhhhhh mikey gets hurt in a very damaging way. donnie blames himself big-time. they both think the other is mad at them. emotional angst woo hoo, but also kinda fluffy i think? also pretty heavy on disaster twins stuff
now it's red, now it's dead, now it's--
-> 1/2 chapters, 5k words, english, Mikey-centric.
notes: set in the Bad Future timeline! follows mikey's slow ascent into becoming something Other. lots of angst-- depression, disassociation, suicidal ideation, major character death, etc etc. probably my favorite fic that i've written? idk I love writing OP mikey!
the sun is a dying star
-> 3/? chapters, 10k words, english, mikey-centric but bounces between POVs
notes: started off as a one-shot but i got too ambitious for my own good. mikey is not having a good time. blah blah blah turtle-gets-kidnapped-by-scientists-or-something, but i wanted to focus more on like, psychological damage than physical damage. not sure when/if this one will get an update.
pizza bagels, communication, and other life-changing novelties
-> 1/3 chapters, 3.4k words, english, Miles- and- Mikey-centric.
notes: SHELLSHOCKED FIC WOOHOO !! THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I WILL WILLINGLY WRITE ROMANCE! uhhhh two teenagers pining for each other and doing dumb shit together and angsting about being children with the weight of the world on their shoulders. IT'S FLUFFY AND CUTE I PROMISE
it's golden hour somewhere
-> 1/1 chapters (completed), 7.4k words, english, Mikey- and- Karai-centric.
notes: one-shot. Karai POV, but focuses on turtle tot Mikey. basically the Hamato Sacrifice isn't the only curse that plagues the clan, and Mikey is the most recent Hamato to come under fire. predetermined fate and all that shit. fluff and angst. this one's kinda weird ngl I remember nothing about writing it or getting inspiration for it lmao
the icarus complex
-> 2/2 chapters (completed), 10k words, english, Raph-centric (and also kinda Leo-centric in second chapter).
notes: deals with Raph's PTSD following the Kraang invasion, and one possible coping mechanism he could fall back on. spoiler alert it's NOT a healthy one lmao. definitely one of the more interesting fics I've written in my opinion; I did a lot of research for this one to make it as realistic and respectful as I could. another personal fav :)
equivalent exchange (and other things that give Leo a headache)
-> 1/? chapters, 2.5k words, english, Future!Leo- and- Mikey-centric.
notes: another Bad Future timeline fic, this time with Present Mikey accidentally ending up with Future Leo. follows the two of them trying to figure out how to get Mikey back to his timeline. I still love this concept, but idk when I'll get around to updating it tho lmao
that's where the blood's supposed to be!
-> 2/2 chapters (completed), english, Mikey-centric.
notes: Mikey gets hit hard during a fight but brushes it off, and it comes back to bite him later. takes place after the show, but before the movie-- right when the whole Leo vs Raph kerfuffle is at its peak. questionable medical information but I did my best lmao. this one's kinda old and cringey atp but whatever
other stuff
fanart for 3 months au tag
fanart for golden future au tag
glass turtle keychains example
College Fund (aka my Ko-fi page :>)
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hannie-dul-set ¡ 1 year ago
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STAR STUDDED BAGGAGE [1].
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SYNOPSIS. the saying “never meet your idols” exists for a reason. you just didn’t expect the reason to be because said idols would end up declaring that you’re their alleged lover from a past life (past lives, rather). now you have three big celebrities vying for your attention, and it’s not as dreamlike as you imagined it to be.
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PAIRINGS. choi yeonjun, choi soobin, choi beomgyu x female! reader. GENRES. reincarnation! au, celebrity! au (soloist! yeonjun, actor! soobin, rock band member! beomgyu), slight college! au, slight historical! au, rom-com, angst if you squint, reverse harem woohoo. WARNINGS. swearing, secondhand stress HHAHAHAH. WORD COUNT. 2.9k.
TAGLIST. @seokgyuu @spjhyn @bat-shark-repellant @writingmeraki @lotties-readings @jenodreamer @gyuspeach @lexawoah13 @dvalitaes @agustdiv1ne @enhacatalog @soobs-things @tocupid @wonsays @kgneptun @sarang-ae @peaceout97 @outrologist @prettypei @luv4cheol @captivq @kueey @matcha-binz @loveherrschxr @haechology @bitehee @laylasbunbunny
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NOTE. and so it begins!! grabbed seventeen’s “second life” and gave it to beomgyu’s band, by the way. future chapters will be a lot longer bcs this one is sort of just an introduction. please lmk what u think so far!!
MASTERLIST | NEXT >
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CHAPTER 1 — the consequences of working with a choi.
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One.
“I told you I won’t do any romance dramas!”
Choi Soobin isn’t usually one to throw tantrums. He’s gentleness itself, says the media. The loveliest, most humble and soft-spoken angel to have ever graced South Korea’s entertainment industry. Interviewees praise him for being so kind and warm. Award-winning actor Lee Minyuk decided to adopt him the day they first met while working on a drama just a year ago.
He’s so nice, so sweet, so lovely— a stark contrast to the roles he usually plays, but that doesn’t take away from the songs of praise that articles and Twitter posts usually string along with Choi Soobin’s name.
All of this is true of course. As long as you’re not contractually obligated to babysit his whiny, picky, six foot tall ass every single day.
“Soobin, why don’t you give it another—”
“This is ridiculous,” he huffs, crossed armed on the sofa with a tattered script sitting on the low coffee table before him. Manager Lee feels a headache kicking in. Why is this bastard acting up when the interns are in the office? Those two simply wanted to deliver the scripts for Soobin to pick from, but they are looking at his actor’s surprising behavior with wide eyes. Now, it’s going to be his job to make sure that they don’t run their mouths about the nation’s alleged first love actually being a spoiled brat.
“Soobin,” Manager Lee exhales for the nth time. This script is from Writer Kang. The Writer Kang! She wrote this script with you in mind as the lead. Can you at least maybe reconsider—”
“I’m not doing it.” Soobin won’t budge. He’s got a visibly troubled and offended look on his face and his manager wants to smack him upside in the head. How could he not understand that this is an opportunity of a lifetime? “Hyung, you know the reason why I even signed to this company in the first place. I’m not doing it. Absolutely not.”
He picks up the script like it’s a dirty rag— disgusted expression to match— only to reveal a page that suddenly prompts him to throw the entire thing across the room. The two interns flinch. Manager Lee feels his hair turning gray by the second.
“There’s a kissing sce— agh! Gosh! What will my soulmate think if she sees me kissing another woman?!”
“Soul...soulmate?” unfortunate intern number one voices out hesitantly.
“Is...Choi Soobin seeing someone right now?” asks number two, and Manager Lee wants to retire early. His actor is still ranting on and on about how there’s no way in hell he’s taking on this role. He doesn’t really wanna deal with that right now.
“No. He’s not seeing anybody. He’s never been in a relationship before.”
Manager Lee knows this because he’s been Soobin’s manager since the young star was still seventeen, when he was still as nice and well-behaved as the tabloids made him out to be. That same kid is now a grown adult and shuddering over a possible kissing scene in a screenplay. “Ahh. I can’t do this, I seriously can’t do this, hyung!” Fame does change people. Manager Lee wants seventeen year-old Soobin back.
“Then...then who is his soulmate…?”
It’s hard to imagine that an A-List star like Choi Soobin is suffering from unrequited love. “A woman from his past life,” answers Manager Lee. “Or so he says.” The interns look at him. Come—come again? their expressions seem to say. Manager Lee lets out an exasperated sigh. This one’s even harder to comprehend.
“Hyung,” Soobin finally calls out for him. Lee returns his attention to his artist, who’s now flipping through the other scripts on the table with an even more disgruntled expression. “Hyung, are these all the offers I have? They’re all romance! Don’t we have other options?!”
“The CEO wants you to expand your roles, Soobin,” Manager Lee flatly replies. “Your fans too. You can’t keep doing action-mystery-thrillers forever. It’s a waste of your visuals. They want to see you in lighter things too.” He walks over to pick up the first rejected script from the floor, dropping it in front of Soobin, who is currently a deflated balloon.
He’s changed. But sometimes it feels as though his artist hasn’t grown up ever since they first met.
“If you take Writer Kang’s drama, you’ll get even bigger, Soobin.”
“I’m not interested in fame,” Soobin mumbles, shoulders slacked and dejected. “I just want—”
“If you gain ever more fame, expand your reach, won’t that mean your soulmate can find you sooner as well?” Soobin takes the bait. He flinches upon hearing the word he’s been chasing after ever since, a glimpse of consideration flashing through his expression as he nips down his bottom lip. Manager Kim lands a hand on his shoulder. “Think about it, kid. You shouldn’t waste opportunities like this.”
Soobin lets out a breath. “I’ll...I’ll give it some thought.”
Dear god, finally. Manager Lee ushers out a sulky and troubled Soobin out into the hall with the script hugged against his chest and tells him to relax for the day. “Don’t overthink it. Just do what you want to do,” he says, after gaslighting him into positively considering the role. Still, Soobin needs this. He’s been stagnating since his last project, Study Group. He needs to switch up genres if he wants to improve.
“Wow,” intern number two exhales the moment Soobin leaves the premises. “You really are a veteran, sir. But does Choi Soobin’s soulmate really exist? Who is he looking for?”
Manager Lee shrugs and drops onto the sofa with a grunt. “Beats me. He doesn’t even know her name.”
*
Two.
“Yeonjun! Choi Yeonjun, look over here!”
“Choi Yeonjun, you look good today as well!”
“Please give a heart to the camera!”
“Fuck! Choi Yeonjun, you’re so fucking hot!”
That last one made Yeonjun’s mouth twitch into a smirk, and the screaming instantly became louder. Unintentional, but he relishes in the attention, anyway. He flips down his sunglasses to block the flashing lights from the cameras (causing another unintentional pandemonium), and his manager (Kim Noona, he likes to affectionately call when she’s about to yank out his hair roots for misbehaving) quickly ushers him into van before his rabid fans break through the bodyguards’ defenses and jump him.
“Good work today,” says Manager Kim as they start to drive away from the fansign venue. Yeonjun has his window rolled down and is blowing air kisses to the crowd. Ignorance is bliss, Manager Kim decides. “However, you don’t have time to run a catwalk on the way to the van tomorrow since you have another schedule immediately after the fansign. Try to strut for two minutes max tomorrow, please.”
“‘Kayyy,” Yeonjun hums, rolling the tinted windows back up and leaning back into the car seat with a satisfied groan. They’re on the way back to his apartment now. Time for him to start his routine. “Noona, do you have all the letters I got today?”
“Look to your left.” 
And there it is indeed— a stack of notes and envelopes and perfume-drenched messages of love and adoring affection. He flits through each one, skimming over every note and every letter like he’s looking for something. “Sleep early tonight,” Manager Kim tells him as he knits his brows, nearing the end of the stack. “You have a shoot in the morning, in case you forgot.” 
Yeonjun is back at the first letter he started with. Nothing, he lets out a sigh. Not one that he’s looking for.”
“Noona,” he calls out. “I’m going live right now.”
There’s a bump on the road.
“No, wait—”
[🔴 yawnzzn is live].
“Hehe. Yeonjunnie is here—!”
Manager Kim abruptly stops the car. Thank fucking god the road isn’t too crowded. She watches Yeonjun from the rearview mirror as he smiles at the outstretched camera and makes casual greetings and hello’s to the viewers, heart racing in fear. “Right now? I’m on the way back home. Can’t wait to get a nice shower once I get back.” Okay, she lets in a deep breath, starting the car once more. Yeonjun isn’t doing anything weird yet. Better to drop him off as soon as possible.
“Nooo, I haven’t had dinner yet, I’ll order once I get home. What do you guys recommend?”
He’s being normal. He’s acting fine. This is good.
“Ramen? That sounds good. Kimchi jjigae is also yummy.”
Maybe he just wanted to interact more with his fans, yes. He’s always been like that. Maybe he won’t say anything rash this time.
“Oh! The video with Mark Lee from NCT? Did you see us hugging? Hehe, Mark and I look good together?” They’re almost at his apartment building. They’re almost here. Once they arrive, Yeonjun will turn off the livestream and Manager Kim can finally fucking retire for the day. “That’s cute. But it’s too bad. I’m already interested in someone else.”
Screeeech!
The car stops. “Yeonjun.” But Yeonjun’s live stream is still ongoing. “Turn off the live.”
Yeonjun is smiling at his phone in painful ignorance. Manager Kim doesn’t miss the one second glance he spares at her. One second. One mere second before he starts inciting chaos even more. “Who? That’s a secretttt. I don’t want to tell you.”
Manager Kim’s phone starts buzzing. “Yeonjun, turn it off.” The buzzing won’t stop. Her personal phone starts going off as well
“Ah. Should I give you a hint?”
There’s an incoming call now.
“Choi Yeonjun, turn off the god damned—”
“Okay!” Yeonjun suddenly exclaims. He flashes a knowing smile to the camera, but his dearly stressed and overworked manager knows that it’s directed to her rather than the thousands of people witnessing the artist she’s in charge of stirring his third rumor of the week. Her phone won’t stop buzzing, it can be used as a fucking vibrator at this point. Choi Yeonjun is lucky he rakes in most of the agency’s profits— otherwise his contract would be terminated by now. “I have to go. My manager looks like she’s about to fire me, hehe. See you all tomorrow! Mwah!”
Just like that, the live stream ends, but Manager Kim’s phone is still incessantly ringing and beeping and giving the signal that Choi Yeonjun will once again go trending on Twitter— not in the way the company wants. Again. “Kim Noona?” Yeonjun calls out. “The light is green. The cars behind are honking at us.”
Manager Kim’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. “Yeonjun.” And they start moving again. “What are you gonna do once you get home?”
“Post a damage control photo. Got it.”
He knows. He knows yet he keeps pulling the same shit every week.
“Good...good— just,” his manager lets out a sigh, and they arrive at the front of his building. “No matter what I tell you, you won’t stop pulling these stunts, aren’t you?”
“Nope.” Yeonjun flashes her a grin, unbuckling his seatbelt, ready to slide the door open. “Thanks, noona! See you tomorrow!”
With that, Yeonjun leaves with a bounce in his step right after the mess he just made.
The problem is, Manager Kim can’t tell him to stop either after knowing exactly why he’s doing all of these scandal-bait, potentially career damaging things. It’s not something she can believe in, and it’s definitely not within the realm of reality. But after seeing the look on her artist’s eyes when he said— how many more headlines must he make until you can finally find your way back to him?
Well. All Manager Kim can do is work PR to their deaths for damage control.
*
Three.
“Why don’t we kick it off by listening to your latest single?”
Studio lights burn the set. Five seats are settled in place, four against one for an interview with one of the hottest K-Rock groups of the generation. Yeong-Il released a new single just earlier in the week, and it’s topped the charts ever since release. 
If I am given a second life I may live and breathe differently compared to now
Lee Heeseung looks happy to be here. So do Yang Jeongin and Lim Jimin. Choi Beomgyu, on the other hand, looks like he’d rather be anywhere else but here right now, complete with the faraway look on his face as he’s clearly not paying attention to the comments the host is making, instead drowning in melody and lyrics hummed by the speakers.
Among the streets we’ll walk past each other without knowing
“It’s quite different from our usual music, no?” Heeseung laughs.
I hope we remember each other
“Right!” Jeongin chimes in. “But I think we should hear from the man who produced and wrote this.”
Even in our next life Even at that time, I’ll go to you
“Choi Beomgyu!”
Even in our next life Even at that time, I’ll go to you
“Beomgyu, are you awake?”
Even if a second life That’s different from now comes to me The one thing I can say is That I’m going to be by your side
“Beomgyu!”
“Ah.” Beomgyu finally wakes up. He catches the concerned and nervous glances of his friends-slash-bandmates. Beomgyu takes the microphone from Jimin, tapping it once, before saying, “What do I do? It’s a little embarrassing to talk about this by myself.” Jeongin fails to hold back a snort at his lack of sincerity. Jimin sends him a nudge with his elbow. 
“Hey, this isn’t the first time you’ve written a song. Quit acting coy,” Heeseung manages to salvage the conversation, invisible sweat dripping down the side of his face. Beomgyu finally decides to stop stalling and answers the question.
“Well, anyhow, I think you can tell from the lyrics. Second Life is about a love that extends beyond lifetimes— promising that even after we’ve lived, died, and reborn as different people, there is still no one I’d love but you.” There’s some coughs from his bandmates. Beomgyu presses his lips into a smile. “That’s it.” And passes the microphone back to whoever reaches out for it first.
This kind of behavior from Yeong-il’s guitarist and vocalist isn’t new. 
The problem is, even though his team and fans are used to it, not everyone is, so the show’s host is taken aback by Beomgyu’s complete lack of care, unaffected and impenetrable. He stifles out a cough, flits through his cue cards. “O—oh, how romantic!” he exclaims. “I’ve noticed that a lot of your other songs that Choi Beomgyu-ssi has written seem to have a similar theme. Isn’t that right?”
“Yeah, it’s not really a secret, and it’s honestly pretty obvious,” Beomgyu answers, earning another nudge from Jimin. 
“He doesn’t seem like it, but Beomgyu is the biggest romanticist out of all of us,” Heeseung saves the day once more. Choi Beomgyu has been once dubbed as the biggest hurdle in every interviewer’s career. Nobody knows if he’s doing it on purpose, or if he really is just like that.
“We—well, can we ask what your inspiration is for writing this kind of music?”
It’s not a new question. It’s a question asked interview after interview to Choi Beomgyu whenever they release one of his songs riddled with his signatures of reincarnation, second lives, and first loves. But he’s always avoided answering them, sometimes going as far as outright telling the host that he doesn’t want to answer.
Though his bandmates are indeed both dreading and looking forward to the day Beomgyu would finally make a public answer to that million dollar question—
“Myself.”
—they certainly did not expect him to answer with the truth.
“What?”
“The tracks were inspired by myself,” he says, face flat, free from any sign of humor or jest. “I’m still waiting for my first love from my first life. There must be a reason why I still remember her and the life we shared. Doesn’t that mean we’re both destined to meet again?”
Silence washes over. Everyone on set is looking at Beomgyu, waiting for him to laugh or smile or crack a joke or some shit just to give an indication that he wasn’t at all serious with that statement. Their managers are frozen. They’re all looking at Heeseung to finally and neatly wrap things up before the mood gets worse.
Heeseung gets the signal. He quickly snatches the microphone from his friend and starts making bullshit up and praying to god that this part gets edited out. “Aha—ahaha, Beomgyu really likes to remain in character! That’s how much he takes his music seriously! Anyway—”
The rest of the interview turns up normally. No unexpected backstory reveals or trauma-dumps. No mentions of possible supernatural phenomena whatsoever and that’s mostly because Beomgyu decided to keep quiet for the rest of it.
He’s seriously a ticking time bomb, all but him share the same thought upon exiting the studio, until Heeseung finally confronts him about it when they reach the van.
“Dude, what the hell was that?”
“I know, I know. You don’t have to nag me,” Beomgyu groans. “We can ask them not to air that part, anyway. I’m just getting impatient.”
Impatience.
That’s a mutual feeling shared by all three of them. 
Twenty years. That’s how long they’ve been waiting. Centuries, if you count the period in between their previous lives and now. But when the person they’ve been waiting for finally shows up— patience will be a virtue that they’ll need to learn to strengthen. Patience. They’ll need to be a hell of a lot more patient if they want to take back what they lost.
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STAR STUDDED BAGGAGE. Š hannie-dul-set, 2023.
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eli0004 ¡ 8 months ago
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Any Levi headcanons you’d like to share with the audience 🥹
Whew😮‍💨 Anon, as a dedicated Levi stan of multiple years, you know i do!
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Pairing: Levi x GN! Reader
Synopsis: Random relationship hcs!!! Woohoo!
Warnings: Levi struggling with emotions, gossiping, mentions of substance use, very slight nsfw implication
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Levi isn’t really someone who cares too much about what music he listens to. He’ll listen to whatever you put on, even if it’s like…loud angry metal, he’ll sit there like 😬 Yes this is great i love it and i’m absolutely not horribly overstimulated right now. He just likes to see you happy.
This man is made of 100% husband material. He thrives living the quiet married life, and feeling appreciated and loved for doing the simplest, most menial household chores.
For the most part, if you were to ask him if he wants children i think he would say no, but then he watches you interact with children and it patches up this broken place inside of him, and suddenly he’s dreaming of little feet pattering around the house.
If he accidentally hurts your feelings with some dumb joke he made, he will feel intensely guilty. It will eat him alive, he can’t believe himself. But he also has no idea how to say that, so he’ll just make you tea and torture himself over it.
Even if you’re years into your relationship with him and living together, he still gets butterflies when he sees you again after a long day. You’re his solitude, his safe place, his home isn’t a home without you there in it.
He likes to listen to you gossip with your friends. Every once in a while he’ll pipe in and share his thoughts on something, and you’re like…? Since when did you start paying attention to this?
He has a high tolerance for alcohol, but half an edible has him absolutely faded. It’s actually ridiculous. And high Levi is so soft and sleepy, and he seems so genuinely relaxed, it’s a blessing to be able to witness him in that state.
Levi is hardly interested in status symbols, and values practicality over luxury. In a modern AU he probably drives a slightly beat up older classic car, but has no idea it’s a classic, so when car people compliment it he’s like ??? Tf
He’s a slightly picky eater, but if you make dinner one night and it doesn’t look appetizing to him, he’ll gather every ounce of courage in his body to take a bite and try it for you, since you went out of your way to make him something.
He has a keen sense of smell, and he loves fresh, fragrant aromas. He definitely stops in the candle aisle in the grocery store to smell all of them, and then gives himself a massive headache.
When you get out of the shower and smell all nice and clean, that shit gets him so bricked up.
I mentioned this before in another post, but if you ask him to pick something up from the store and it’s on a shelf he can’t reach, he will literally leave that store and go to a different one. He’s not going to ask the 16 year old cashier girl to help him reach it, and he’s definitely not climbing the shelves like a mad man. You’ll just have to wait a while longer.
Literally blushes from ear to ear when you call him pretty, or cute. If he gets compliments on his physical appearance, it’s usually said that he’s “sexy” or “handsome” which are still great things to hear, but it’s about the loving adoration in your eyes and the gentleness with which you touch his face. The genuine honesty behind your compliments, and the way it feels like you see something in him that nobody else does.
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animatorweirdo ¡ 1 year ago
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How to kidnap yourself a dark lord husband? Part 2
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Part 1
(Second part for the crack fic. I hope you enjoy this one)
Warnings: Reader being a headache to her family, Sauron just dealing with her antics, Melkor getting robbed of his lieutenant and Manwe not getting paid enough to deal with this.
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Nerdanel: *Sobbing* I can't believe our daughter would disappear again. What has Melkor's servant done to her mind to make her act like this?
Feanor: *Visibly angry* This is why the valars can't be trusted. They allowed something like this to occur to my only daughter. 
You: *Kicks the door open* Naneth! Atar! I'm home, and I have news for you! 
Nerdanel: *Startled* (Name)! Where have you been? And who is that beneath your arm?
You: *Carrying Sauron beneath your arm like a potato sack* My new husband! 
Your whole family: YOUR WHAT?!!!
Sauron: *Waving at them awkwardly* Uhm... hey. 
***
Feanor: (Name)! You can't just decide to marry someone you have only known for like a month! And he's one of the Ainur!
You: Don't worry. Mairon's a rogue, so he doesn't belong with the valar. 
Feanor: That's not what I meant! Why would you want to marry him anyway?!
You: One, he's less loud than all of you. Two, he's hot, and three, he gave me a dog— something you have refused to give me for centuries! 
Feanor: Seriously? 
You: *Holding Carna* Dead seriously!
Carna: Woof!
Feanor: (Name)!
Your brothers: *Glaring at Sauron* Hurt her, and you're dead. 
Sauron: *Deadpan* I'm literally the one that got kidnapped. 
***
Melkor: Well, well, well... now this is something I didn't expect to happen. 
Sauron: Hello, master. 
Melkor: So, what's your plan with Feanor's daughter? Did you seduce her? Did you brainwash her? Is your plan to have power over Feanor's house by marriage? 
Sauron: No. She just decided we should be married and forced me to come here. By the way, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. 
Melkor: Huh?
Sauron: *Slides in a resignation letter* 
Melkor: You want to quit? Why! Is it because you suddenly got a wife now?
Sauron: Master... it's literally been like 300 years since we even spoke. Everyone has literally gone in their own ways. 
Melkor: What? 
Sauron: Yeah. There's no one at Angband. We assumed you would never come back, so we didn't see a point to continue.
Melkor: Seriously? 
Sauron: No hard feelings. I might come back if you come up with something, but for now, I have different things to deal with. *Leaves*
You: *Grinning at Melkor* Haha! Fuck you, your lieutenant is mine now!
Melkor: *Silence*
Melkor: Oh dear– I got robbed of my lieutenant before I could rob her father’s silmarils. 
***
Your family: *Arguing with you in front of the valars*
You: *Arguing back* 
Manwe: *Having an headache*
Manwe: Alright! Settle down. I have a proposition that might help both of you in this matter! 
You & your family: *Look at him silently*
Manwe: (Name) Since your family wants you to stay, but you do not want to break your relationship with Sauron. How about this? During winter years, you shall spend your time with Sauron in Middle Earth, and during spring years, you will spend your time with your family in Valinor. 
You: *Thinks about it* Yeah, sounds good to me. 
Your family: Wait, it's the start of autumn. 
You: Woohoo! Which means half a year without you!
You: *Grap Sauron and began leaving* Bye! I see you in spring! 
Your family: *Sobs* (Name)!
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writingtraumaforever ¡ 2 months ago
Text
Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 5
Notes: Woohoo! New chapter!! Forgive my very poor explanation of parallel universes and all things science. I have a small brain but a big heart.
Summary: Sonic, Tails and Shadow discuss who Shadow is, how he got there, and what to do about it.
Chapter Select: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 6
Support me on my Ao3!
Start:
“So you’re seriously suggesting this Shadow isn’t our Shadow??“
Sonic doesn’t seem very happy about this. He’s now looking at Shadow skeptically as well as with an enormous amount of concern.
“Impossible,” Shadow says simply, “There’s only one Ultimate Lifeform.”
“Oh. Yeah. That’s definitely concrete proof right there,” Tails says sarcastically, his arms crossed as he looks at Shadow, “Plus, by my understanding, there’s two Ultimate Lifeforms. You and Sonic.
“Oh, we are soo not getting into that right now,” Sonic groans before Shadow can comment, rubbing his temples with his fingers as he shuts his eyes and tilts his head down, “I’m getting a headache..”
“Join the club,” Shadow mutters, his arms crossed now as he leans back on the couch.
“So let’s say this Shadow isn’t our Shadow..,” Sonic says, lifting his eyes once more to Tails, “How the heck does that even work?? Where did he come from??? And where did my Shadow go??”
My Shadow.
Not our.
My.
That stands out to the ebony hedgehog, but he doesn’t comment.
”I have some theories..,” Tails ponders, rubbing his chin with his fingers, “None are a sure thing, but they are possible.”
“Well, I’m all ears,” Sonic says with a frown, panic evident in his wide eyes and how he’s fidgeting with his his fingers.
Why’s he so distressed???
“For starters, we do know that scientifically speaking, if one existence occurs in an alternate timeline, it must be replaced with another of the same kind,” Tails says simply, looking at Shadow and Sonic who just blink at him silently.
Tails sighs and dumbs it down, “If new Shadow is here, old Shadow is there.”
“You don’t live in some dangerous, apocalyptic universe, do you???” Sonic asks worriedly to Shadow, Shadow rolling his eyes with a shake of his head.
“No.”
“Oh thank Gaia..,” Sonic breathes.
“That was a few years ago..”
“WHAT?!”
“Don’t get so jumpy, Hedgehog,” Shadow huffs, narrowing his eyes at the blue blur who looks like he could be ill, “Any version of myself is more than capable of facing any obstacle he may stumble upon.”
Sonic just pouts a bit at this, his ears folding back as he thinks on Shadow’s words and tries to believe in them.
Shadow can see that’s not going to stop his stress anytime soon, though.
“Okay. So we know my Shadow is okay somewhere then.”
“Most likely,” Shadow agrees with a nod.
“HE IS,” Sonic assists with a glare before breathing a sigh and, “..So how do we switch them back??”
“That’s gonna be the tricky part..,” Tails rubs the back of his neck, his face scrunched in thought, “If I had to make an estimated guess on how this all came to be, I’d say it was due to both Shadow’s forcing artificial Chaos Control at the same time in their separate worlds. The fact it wasn’t organic probably caused a disturbance in the balance of the multiverse— which this is all just phenomenal proof it exists, by the way—!”
“Tails. Focus. Nerd out later.”
“Right. Anyway. They likely created a rift in the place between universes. A massive amount of self-made energy that created a tear between time and space from both sides.. The theory of the multiverse is there’s infinite universes that exist alongside each other. Our universes must just be parallel to one another, touching but not interacting— well.. until now.”
“Okay..,” Sonic nods, trying to take this in and understand it as he looks at the ground in thought, “Okay, so-.. so if there’s a tear, then can’t we just—“
He motions to Shadow and then moves his arms as if to push him through something.
Tails snorts, “Well, it’s not quite that simple.”
“Never is..,” Shadow mutters to himself, staying quiet for the most part so he himself can process his current situation.
“Why not??” Sonic’s brows knit, looking to his brother now.
“Well that energy itself was Chaos Energy. Which means—“
“The laws of time and space don’t matter to it,” Shadow finishes, now understanding a bit better.
Tails nods, “Exactly. It happened in less than an instant— not even an instant! Chaos Control is when time stops completely, and the user is briefly able to manipulate it before it returns right back to normal.”
“So the tear is closed?” Sonic frowns, ears lowering as his body slouches.
“Tear is closed..,” Tails confirms with an apologetic nod. He then offers a little smile, “But! We know it’s possible, now. Which means it’s possible to make it happen again.”
“How do we do that if the energy has to come from both sides of the multiverse??” Shadow questions, now much more collected since he knows why everything and everyone is acting so weird. As long as he has a reason, he can be reasonable in response.
“Well.. that’s what’ll take time,” Tails says with a scratch behind his ear, “I’ll have to work on that. Do some research. But if I had to guess, I’d say our best bet is to try and connect with our parallel universe and find a way to contact our Shadow.”
Sonic nods a bit hopefully at that, seeming eager at the idea of contacting this universe’s Ultimate Lifeform.
“And are you the most suitable for such a feat as this??” Shadow questions, his brow quirking at the fox.
Tails furrows his brows at Shadow, tightening his fists at his sides with a determined expression on his face, “I can do it.”
Shadow hums, seeming satisfied with this.
“It’ll take time. But I’ll have to be on this twenty-four, seven. Who knows what this sort of anomaly could cause! Defects in gravity, collisions of realities— heck, our whole world could be swallowed up if the multiverse tries to fix itself before we can!”
Both Shadow and Sonic’s eyes widen, their arms and jaws dropping at this information.
“…Great! Swell. Well, you get on that then, buddy,” Sonic beams with that obnoxious go-getter attitude of his, approaching Tails with a pat on the back before squeezing his shoulder with a little shake, “Because the world collapsing could really put a damper on my plans to live the way past coolest life ever.”
“Right..,” Tails chuckles a bit nervously, the weight of this task seeming to settle itself on his shoulders.
‘Good,’ Shadow thinks, ‘This needs to be taken seriously by someone.’
“Hey,” Sonic says, crouching down to get Tails’ attention. The fox’s eyes raise to his older brother’s again, nervousness and fear now replacing the determination he had previously shown.
“You got this,” Sonic assures with a smile, “If anyone can do it, it’s you.”
Tails offers a small smile at that, the confidence of his guardian seeming to be enough to make that spark return, “Thanks, Sonic..”
“Besides,” Sonic adds with a grin, “I know that the Tails in the other universe will be working his butt off to fix this too.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure..,” Shadow says with a frown, now pondering a whole other problem with this entire situation.
Sonic frowns, looking to Shadow with a tilt of his head, “How come?”
“The Miles Prower in my universe isn’t exactly..,” he pauses, choosing his words on how to put this, “On the best of terms with me.”
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studentinpursuitofclouds ¡ 3 months ago
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Could you do headcanons for how the sv + sve bachelorettes get when they're a bit tipsy
I actually wrote earlier (like a year ago) on a similar ask, only it was almost all vanilla residents without Expanded mod. But I don't mind repeating it, it'll just be a little different! Thanks for the question, dear anon 😊❤️
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Given that Penny hates all alcohol and has sworn never to drink anything strong, she became intoxicated by accident, drinking a cocktail that the young teacher mistook for fruit juice. And she doesn't like this state. She feels tired, sleepy, dizzy... Why is she staggering around? How can her mother drink beer and like this condition? Penny wants to go home, to sleep and finally get rid of the feeling of intoxication. Oh, she doesn't enjoy drinking, that's for sure.
The party for Abigail was just beginning, woohoo! After a couple of delicious cocktails based on hard liquor, the purple-haired girl felt a huge rush of energy and euphoria. She was ready to drag Sebastian to the dance floor, challenge Sam to a duel in an arcade machine, or something else crazy. But also when drinking alcohol, Abby could be a little aggressive. It even got to the point where she threatened a rude tourist with a sword (now there's a "No swords" sign in the Saloon. Sorry, Farmer).
Haley doesn't often go to the Saloon, preferring to drink liqueurs and martinis at home. In principle, two small glasses of sweet, strong alcohol are enough for a girl to tell herself to stop. In light intoxication, she becomes chatty, cheerful and flirtatious, sometimes a little capricious. But if she miscalculates and drinks too much, she gets sad and tearful (then nauseous and headachey. Ugh, hangovers suck).
Maru was very curious about what the strawberry wine she had been given for her birthday tasted like... Just a quarter of the bottle, and the young inventor left the rest for later, as she treats alcohol responsibly. With the alcohol in her blood, Maru became very talkative: a whole stream of words about her future inventions seemed to know no end. And she would talk even if no one was listening and until intoxication made her sleepy. So the most common condition is talkativeness and sleepiness.
Leah usually prefers to have a couple of glasses of wine at home, alone, after a finished sculpture or painting. Or in the company of a dinner of fresh salad or delicate goat cheese at the Saloon. Alcohol always makes her feel relaxed, and the ginger haired artist will gladly surrender to the hands of calm and serenity during a well-deserved break. Leah is pretty well tempered in terms of drinking, but always drinks in moderation as she's not too fond of losing her motor coordination.
A couple of speciality cocktails, the recipes of which were invented by Emily herself - and the blue haired girl will turn from an energetic and joyful person into a more energetic and joyful person. She can't sit still, she needs to move, she needs to have fun and she needs others to have fun too. No aggression, just a lot of movement. Most of the time Emily goes straight to the direction of the dance floor. Tolerates strong alcohol quite well, but she rarely drinks and doesn't allow herself to do so at work in the Saloon.
Sophia owns a Bluemoon vineyard, works there alone, and naturally also tastes the wine she makes before bottling it. Just a little bit, but enough to make her feel quite normal from a couple of three strong cocktails in the Saloon with friends. Sophia can get a little louder and more chatty, sometimes she might giggle loudly at some funny joke or wave her arms around, but overall alcohol doesn't change her too much.
As with Penny, Claire has no tolerance for alcohol and would rather have a cup of tea than wine or whiskey. And so it came to pass that Claire also accidentally took a sip of some strong drink, mistaking it for something else, and what she feared - a headache - began. A severe, unbearable headache from even the smallest amount of alcohol in the body. So when she drank alcohol, Claire's face would be creased with a dull ache, and she would be weak, sad, and slightly irritable.
No strong wine in the Ferngill Republic can make Olivia lose her ability to adequately assess her state of mind or darken her eloquence. She doesn't drink several bottles of dry red wine in one sitting, of course not, but the former Joja accountant has been visiting many wineries since she was 20 years old to try out different types of wine. Some people might think that Olivia gets a little impatient (even flirtatious for some) after the fourth glass, but no wine will make her say or do anything indecent.
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acroagoraphobe ¡ 10 months ago
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I NEED MOAAAAR HC'S OF JOSHUA PRE-BURNS PLEASE AND THANK YOU
WOOHOO GLADLY!!
Only cooked his own food so it would fit his very specific requirements (He can't trust food given to him by other people) [Now he just doesn't care because he's not as much of a prissy bitch.]
Couldve been pretty good at sewing, but he didn't have the patience.
Constant headaches because the legion is a bunch of stupid children.
Never heard him yell but when you did, Whole world goes silent. When everything goes silent randomly, you know Joshua was PISSED. (Still applies)
Constantly readjusting his clothes making sure he always looked like he was about to go to church.
Would 100% wipe his boots off on the corpses of people he considered lesser.
Just generally worse, like he used to be "Im better and smarter than everyone here, theyre all scumbags."
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Text
the oddest thing just happened.
so for a while now i've been getting a few really bad headaches a month around my cycle, which also happened to my mom when she was my age. i never thought they were migraines since the only symptom is head pain, but she said that migraine medication helped her back in the day, so okay, i mentioned it to my doctor. the headaches are in frequent but bad enough that the morphine i take for fibromyalgia didn't do shit.
my doctor gave me some samples of migraine medications, and holy fuck. one qulipta just poofs the headache away like it was never there, without even making me groggy or anything. it's like a miracle.
the sample packs were pretty much enough to last me between visits, which was good because qulipta seemed to be crazy expensive. my doctor was happy to keep giving me samples, but unfortunately i forgot them last time. so okay, i'd found a savings card, let's just try filling it with this card so i have 30 pills and don't have to worry about samples anymore.
that starts a whole song and dance with a prior authorization, which i can't fill the prescription without, and takes weeks because the lady who handles it at my doctor's is terribly overworked. finally, yesterday we get a call from the pharmacy saying it's ready, and what's more, with the card it costs $0! woohoo!
ran out to pick it up this evening. no problems. ran a couple other quick errands. got home, got the mail. in the mail was a letter from my insurance saying the prior authorization had been denied because i'm not officially diagnosed with a migraine condition and therefore the medication is not "medically necessary".
so. if i couldn't get it without the prior authorization, and the prior authorization was denied... how the fuck did i get it, much less for no cost? is this what socialized medicine is like, you just... get the medication you need without having to jump through a million hoops?
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natabear-sims ¡ 6 months ago
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🌼 Mod Diary #2 - The Juice System 🌼
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Now that I've shared more about the gameplay mod I'm working on, I wanna dive deeper into the "Juice" feature part of it. ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ
There are 3 stages to the intoxication system that I've created:
1. Tipsy
When Sims drink "juice" from the bar, they'll become tipsy. This stage only lasts for 60 minutes, and not a lot changes for the Sim. They'll have a temporary boost in happiness until it wears off and they enter the drunk stage.
2. Drunk
After a period of being tipsy, Sims will then become drunk. They'll stay drunk for roughly 6 hours before it wears off. There are multiple drunken states: flirty, angry, fun, and generic.
Generic Drunk - Sims will be dazed and a little bit dizzy. They'll wanna party, but nothing specific.
Flirty Drunk - Sims will be in a flirty mood, they'll want to party and have more desire to do romantic interactions. I have not added any sort of autonomous woohoo. I don't want to take consent away from you or your sim, but you're free to initiate those things yourself!
Angry Drunk - Sims will be dazed but angry, and have a bit of a headache. They'll stomp around and be irritated, and can even initiate fights with other Sims.
Fun Drunk - Sims will be dazed but in a happy and playful mood. They'll find everything funny, and just want to party and have fun!
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I've made Sims Dazed instead of Angry/Playful/etc. to avoid emotional deaths. I'll likely disable Autonomy for kicking over trash cans too because it annoys the crap out of me.
3. Sobering Up
Once the juice wears off, Sims will start to sober up. This stage lasts for about 90 minutes. They'll have two possible outcomes:
Neutral - Sims will have a little bit of a headache, but they've otherwise made it out unscathed!
Rough - Sims have a nasty hangover. They're nauseous, they have a headache, and they'll even throw up. The juice was not kind to them.
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Townie Sims will also go through these stages whenever they drink from the bar. You'll notice that they become dazed and show signs of their drunken state.
Sims that are pregnant will instead receive a small bonus buff for drinking a yummy mocktail, and they won't go through the intoxication phases.
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Sims can also drink a cup of coffee to quickly snap themselves out of their tipsy/drunk/sober state.
I'd love to hear your feedback!
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salt-warrior ¡ 2 years ago
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Ok so basically Kai starts getting really bad headaches at one point not knowing why. (Like REALLY bad. Like makes him vomit bad) and he tries to just bear through whenever it happens and hide the pain, but sometimes he will be talking to torin or something and either have to stop talking or it gets hard for him to talk. Then one day it happens torin just pauses and goes “you know, your dad had migraines too.” Then Kai realizes what it is and goes to the doctor and also learns more about his dad
So I wrote half of this forever ago and then decided to finish tonight. Woohoo! I also took a lot of liberties with this prompt, but I like where it wound up, and I hope you do too:)
Burden
Summary: Kai feels like he's failing as an emperor. Torin reassures him. Set during Scarlet. (WC: 1.1k)
Kai pressed his palms to his eyes, trying his very best not to whimper. He had a two-hour digital conference meeting in less than ten minutes, but the idea of looking at a screen for even two seconds made him want to puke. His head was throbbing and his brain felt like a mess of knotted string and he just wanted to lie on the floor and cry.
“I can’t do it,” Kai whispered to himself. He pressed his forehead into his desk, wrapping his arms about his head. “I can’t do it. I can’t do it.” Tears began to slip from his eyes. His chest felt tight with misery. Somehow, his head hurt even more than before.
A knock sounded at his office door. Horror washed over Kai as he scrubbed at his eyes, but the pain within his head stole most of his anxiety away. What did it matter anymore? He was failing everything. He was failing with the search for Linh Cinder, he was failing to make peace with Queen Levana, he was failing to give his people safety. And yet, Kai still didn’t want people to know.
“Your Majesty?” Torin’s voice called through the door. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Kai replied. “Yes, I mean. Everything is fine. I know I’m running late. I just . . . I just need a minute.” He balled his fists and pressed them to his eyes, trying to relieve the pain there. If only he could get rid of this pain. If only he could find a way to concentrate on something other than the gut-twisting, life-quenching pain he was feeling.
The door opened, and Torin stood silhouetted in the frame. He flicked on the light, but when Kai gasped, he shut them right off again. Quickly, he closed the door then moved to Kai’s side.
“Your Majesty,” he said, “what’s wrong?”
Kai looked at his advisor, barely managing the feat despite the darkness of the room. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to put on a brave face and tell Torin he had it under control. He wanted to be able to do everything on his own. He wanted to be his father.
He couldn’t be his father.
“My head,” Kai said. He pressed his palms to his eyes once again and tucked his knees up to his chest. “My head is killing me. I can barely think of anything other than the pain. And even if I could, looking at my port is agonizing. I don’t know why, but the light just . . . it hurts. And standing feels about as possible as winning this war right now.” He sucked in a breath, trying desperately not to cry again. “I can’t do it, Torin. I’m not my father. I’m a failure. The net is right. I’m too young and inexperienced. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m a failure, Torin. I am a failure.”
Torin pulled up a chair beside Kai, then rested his hands on Kai’s face. Then, without another word, he pulled Kai into a hug. A sob broke through Kai’s throat.
“You are not a failure,” Torin said. “You may not be your father, but you are not a failure. The Commonwealth needs you, Kai. I’m sorry that you were given a near impossible job—it is not what you deserve—but you are the only one who can do this.”
“But I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” He patted Kai on the back and then sat back in his chair. Kai brushed his hands messily across his face. Torin watched him, a sad look in his eyes. “When’s the last time you slept?”
“I don’t know,” Kai said, rubbing his nose with a tissue. “Last night.”
“Not the last time you fell asleep. The last time you got more than a couple hours at a time. When was the last time you had a proper sleep?”
Kai laughed, though it was a mad sound. “Definitely not since before all of this.” Kai gestured at the desk, and while there was nothing there, Torin seemed to understand. “I don’t have time, Torin. People are dying every day of Letumosis, and if that’s not enough, now there are wolf-people from the moon attacking Earthens as well. We still haven’t found Cinder, and I’m not sure if we ever will. Levana is breathing down my neck for a marriage alliance. And I’m scared. There are billions of people looking to me to take care of them, and I don't know if I can do it.”
Torin leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Kai felt almost as he had as a child, looking up into Torin’s lined face, trying to understand why his father’s advisor was so serious, why his eyes always appeared exhausted. Now he was the one looking down upon his advisor, wishing for that seriousness—Torin’s wisdom—to bleed into his veins and pull him through this crisis.
“Your father was scared too.”
Kai scoffed, then coughed, choking on the excess phlegm in his throat. “Only at the end.”
“Always,” Torin corrected. “And his head hurt too. All the time.”
“No it did not.”
“Kaito,” Torin said, “your father was not a god. He was not a pillar of strength. He was just a man—like you. Life tore him down, and he chose to build himself back up. Over and over and over again. From the day he was born, he was destined to rule billions, and there wasn’t a day that went by in which that knowledge did not petrify him. Did not weigh upon him. Did not threaten to crush him.” Torin placed his hand on Kai’s shoulder. “In the end, his biggest regret was leaving you with that same burden. With the sleepless nights and headaches that feel like the end of the world. But he knew you could do it, and so do I.”
“But what if I fail?”
“Then this world never stood a chance.”
Kai let out a choked breath, then placed his hands over his face, wiping the moisture from his cheeks. Then, as if possessed by some strange, unintelligent demon, he laughed. “Stars, Torin,” he said, “how did we get here?”
“Now that is a question I cannot answer.”
Kai laughed even harder.
Torin stood, but the corner of his mouth quirked up. “I’ve had your meeting pushed back by half an hour. Close your eyes. Breathe. Build yourself back up. Would you like me to send Nainsi up with anything? Tea? Soup?”
“Tea would be lovely,” Kai said, leaning back in his chair. “Thank you, Torin.”
“Of course, your Majesty.” Torin gave him a slight bow. “I’ll send her with something for the pain in your head as well. It will only be temporary, but hopefully everything that’s happening will only be temporary.”
“May we all hope,” Kai said, closing his eyes and feeling strangely hopeful.
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octopuscityblues ¡ 5 months ago
Text
The Octopus Hunter
August 2024 Update
Rustday, Newt 7, 244 Day 13 of the Containment Experiment
Played poker with Dr. Fidge and the others. Vermin was obviously cheating but Walls kept jumping to his defense. I don't know what she sees in a sleazy creep like him but I suppose it's none of my business.
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Dr. Fidge said that the experiment is going well and the Field is holding. He tried to explain it to me again, but it went in one ear and out the other. All I got is that the experiment is now part of the prestigious Tiny Teams conference and that's apparently a really good thing? Woohoo, I guess...
Fleaday, Newt 8, 244 Day 14
Stuck on guard duty with Stutter again. There's not much to talk about. Vermin and Walls finally finished synthesizing and animating all the required "graveyard sprites": visual attachment points to draw the ectoplasm entities into the Containment Field. "The sprites make the Field come to life and feel like a real ectoplasm habitat", as Walls put it.
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I have a terrible headache and can't sleep. Wonder how Mom's doing...
Smogday, Newt 9, 244 Day 15
Dr. Fidge asked me to gear up and enter the Field. Not the best way to start the day, but it's not like I have a choice. Today they were demoing the experiment to a group of military commanders. How many times do we have to update the experiment's parameters for these demonstrations?
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We did manage to correct a long-standing fault in the Field's boundaries that occasionally prevented it from responding to the controller's input, so it's not all bad.
Gruelday, Newt 10, 244 Day 16
I had a medical checkup with Dr. Henrietta today. She said there's nothing wrong with me physically, but gave me some sleeping pills.
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Something's definitely wrong with Dr. Fidge. Stutter asked him about the experiment's end date and Fidge got visibly upset. "We're all doing our best here! I'll have a date for you soon enough". I wonder what's eating him?
Mossday, Newt 11, 244 Day 17
Apparently they extracted part of the ectoplasm and packaged it into a miniature field with its own dedicated page on the Steam academic publishing platform. The marketing folks even recorded a new "trailer" for it, like it's the latest summer blockbuster.
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Walls and Dr. Fidge keep arguing. She thinks the ectoplasm extraction will weaken the Field's structural integrity. Dr. Fidge said he's under a lot of pressure and had to give the Ghost in a Bottle shareholders something to market.
Oh, and the pills worked. I slept like a slime baby, although I still feel terrible.
Rustday, Newt 17, 244 Day 23
No time to update this diary. Really sick and also dealing with the Containment breach. We laid Vermin and Walls to rest today. This isn't what I signed up for...
Smogday, Newt 19, 244 Day 25
I woke up feeling funny. Another tooth fell off. Stutter, Dr. Fidge, and I are quarantined. Dr. Henrietta says it will be alright, but I don't trust her.
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Gruelday, Undead 5, 244 Day ??
They're all dead. Dr. Fidge was the last one. I'm sorry. Too hungry. The Field is unstable. Rips in the universe...
I'm coming home, Mom...
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