#and now i go read my own fic again bc i legitimately love all of these

[unusual-raccoon]

Hello 🌚 I’m patiently awaiting whatever you have written for my abo ask (take your time and be well!) but in the meantime I have another little tidbit I’d like your thoughts on. So imo there aren’t enough fics that really dive into the potential weirdness of Valyrian genes. Here’s the prompt: imagine a version of the Targaryens/Velaryons where their Valyrian blood is expressed as more vampiric. They’re not immortal or averse to the sun, but they have fangs and can drink blood/and also eat food. Drinking blood makes them stronger, have better skin/hair, they don’t need to sleep as much, and it strengthens their dragon bond. The twist here though? The vampiric gene is only passed down through a mother with Valyrian blood. This means that all of Rhaenyra’s children have the gene, but Alicent’s don’t. Women who come from mixed marriages like Aemma or Jocelyn have the gene, but they would need to marry a Valyrian man to produce lil vampire babies, otherwise the magic in the blood is too weak.

After the conquest, one of the allowances made to keep the Faith and southern lords happy is that the Targaryens/Velaryons were expected to drink in private, but eat food in public. This is what weakened so many of them. Aemon could have lived despite a bolt to the neck, neither of the Alyssas nor Laena would have died in childbirth, Baelon could have survived a burst belly, Viserys would be much healthier. Rhaenyra is highly protective of her children and ensure they keep to the diet of their forebearers. (She lost her mother because Otto convinced Viserys it was unseemly for a queen to drink blood, and Daella died in childbirth because she was weak from sticking to a food diet in the Vale.) Greens vs Blacks in this world is much more complicated because Aegon and his children don’t have this magical trait in their blood which Jaehearys used as a basis for his doctrine of exceptionalism. Some lords support Rhaenyra in this world because of this when they might not have in canon, while other lords support Aegon because they see the gene as a crime to the Seven and want a Targaryen king without…yknow the actually magic. (The Hightowers got this close only once with marrying one their own to Maegor -ignoring the fact he would have betrothed his own son to Aerea). The Velaryon boys also all being lil vamps makes them MUCH more legitimate than in canon.

Bc I can’t help myself, vampiric men can have kids but it’s taboo to speak of. It would make them a target for the faith; maybe it would be different if Viserys’ rule wasn’t so weak and the past kings hadn’t made so many compromises. It’s more the act of childbirth rather than being a woman that passes on the gene. I went overboard with my ask so I’ll send the actually story in part 2! (~˘▾˘)~

To my darling 🌚 anon! I have been staring at this glorious ask for MONTHS!

I am only now making a dent in my ask box and am humbly requesting your forgiveness (your ABO ask has not been forgotten - it just became longer than I intended 😭)

Okay, okay. I'm so down for Valyrian weirdness. Please. I adore the idea these genes being passed down through mothers as well, it's so big brained of you...

my brain kept going to the same place when I would read your lovely prompt, so, without further adieu, let's get into it (ficlet below the cut)

"Your grace," the mournful voice of a household guard interrupts a small council meeting, "he's done it again"

Alicent excuses herself from the meeting, permitting her frail, husk of a husband and machinating father to preside over the remainder of it.

There is a flush to her cheeks as she walks through the hall in brisk, important strides.

She finds him upon the floor of the kitchens, face waxen and glossed with sweat. There is a puddle of sick beside, poorly digested, raw meat.

"Aemond," Alicent hisses as she lowers herself down beside him, mindful not to cake the hem of her gown in vomit. She gathers her son into her arms, simultaneously irate and sympathetic.

"Oh, my love, must I see to your every meal?" She asks, smoothing back sweat-dampened silver hair curling about his hairline.

He shivers, a gag crawling its way through him as a dribble of bile and fibrous uncooked flesh splatters to the ground. She presses shaking fingers to her lips to quell a reaction. If her son's obsession with dragons were not enough, he insisted on proving his Valyrian heritage by trying to consume meat, the raw flesh of any game - stubbornly. But her children, while more Valyrian in appearance than other...princes, was not made to eat as they do, to live as they do. Outrageously, it had led to certain... remarks about their validity in the quieter corners of court.

There was scuffling in the kitchens, a growing murmur of hushed whispers before the culprits made themselves known. The dark haired offspring of the princess.

"Your grace," Jacaerys' voice beckons. He stands in the kitchens, with his two-toned gambeson, like they had only come in from the bailey, behind him she glimpsed the peek of an identical, albeit smaller, child - Lucerys.

"We," The elder boy began, the little one fidgeted with his hands while his brother spoke, "we told him not to."

Her eye twitched. The prospect of these savages commanding anything of her son inspired nothing but rage. They stared at Aemond with matching dark eyes and matching red mouths. Her stomach turned at the mere sight of them.

"How very...considerate of you." She hums without an ounce of affection.

She stares down at her son, her foolish son, presses a kiss to his brow, "I'll have the maester prepare a tonic to soothe you, my love."

"Should we fetch him?" Jacaerys asks, already tall for his age and infuriatingly well-mannered. The little one, however, clings to him like an animal- feral.

"Yes, yes of course. I shall tell your mother what a gallant prince she is rearing."

He offers a small, pleased smile; oblivious. Lucerys takes an eager step forward before his brother pulls him back by the collar. Out from behind his brother's shadow, she can discern the poorly buttoned state of Lucerys' gambeson, like the boy had dressed in a hurry...or in the dark. His skin is fair, blindingly so in contrast to his dark curls. His brother holds him by the collar like kitten until he murmurs a quiet greeting to Alicent. She withholds the urge to snort. It appears Rhaenyra's eldest was more father to her children than her own husband.

Satisfied, both boys offer a slight bow before they depart. Dark heads tilted in deference. That is when she sees it, more egregious than their consumption of meat...a bite mark; it is vibrant, alarmingly fresh upon the older boy's neck. Targaryens and their queer customs.

Petulantly, the little one clings to his elder brother's hand as they scamper off in search of a maester.

She offers a placid smile until she hears the patter of their footsteps vanish.

Blindly, she gropes about Aemond's neck, hands shaking as she finds the skin unblemished.

"You are not like them, Aemond," She tells her son, holding him near, "thank the gods for it."

[b0nes-mcgee]

You should read TVA at some point, I think so far it’s way more interesting than the first book (but I have been spoiled by the show, tbf.) Armand in the book has an inner dialogue that I really didn’t expect. He definitely has a lot of pride and dignity, but he also carries this great shame, like he can’t stand to be around himself or around other men. And he’s SO traumatized, but he walks through every day like he’s trapped by it, and that there is no healing from it, no escaping it. Instead of dealing with it, (or moving on like Louie,) he’s constantly trying to escape everyone and everything.

One of the things that holds him down emotionally, is just how he looks. In the book, he essentially has the same problem as Claudia, trapped in the body of a 17 year old, and he hates talking about it. Another vampire was hitting on him, talking about how pretty he looks, and Armand shut him down, bc he was dipping into age-related territory.

When I compare it to show-Armand, I get the feeling that he thinks himself no longer worthy of love— specifically Marius’ love, because he’s older. It’s like he thinks he’s lost this cherubic nature, this holiness that makes him worthy somehow. In the show, my headcanon is that he thinks he’s too big. Too tall to carry, bony instead of soft, too big to hold. I really love in your fic, that you gave him an eating disorder, because it’s really in-line with this overall concept, that he thinks there’s something intrinsically wrong with him, that he takes up too much space.

I also feel like he has some qualms with gender, and gender-presentation. He does a lot of complaining about how men aren’t really ‘pretty’ anymore, that they don’t put as much effort into their looks, in comparison to middle-aged Rome. He also says that he feels it’s wrong to assign children a gender orientation, that it’s wrong to set expectations upon someone who doesn’t even know who or what they are yet. I can’t help but wonder what his own insecurity is, whether he wishes he was just a girl, or treated as such, or that he wishes he could be as ‘pretty’ as he wanted, and still be taken seriously.

I think what makes his and Marius’ relationship so interesting, is bc Marius isn’t just “taking advantage of him”, especially not now that they’re older and more equal. I wouldn’t even say that Marius is particularly manipulative. He just happened upon Armand at a delicate state in his life, and took him in, because he saw an opportunity. He’s not particularly evil— this was a time when rich men were expected to take advantage of those beneath them. All things considered, he’s been really good to Armand, very gentle and loving. But he is a product of his nature. He’s going to take, and keep taking, because it’s the only thing he knows how to do. He’s never had the emotional education for giving back to people he loves. And I do think he legitimately loves Armand, but he doesn’t understand him and Armand doesn’t understand himself either. He feels hollow, like he’s gone through the effort of scooping out his insides for other people to fill him in again.

Aaaanyways, that’s my Armand tangent. Take it as you will, it’s a lot of vague feelings, and headcanons based on fanfic anyways 😅

Are you reading the iwtv books?? Do u mind book spoilers???

I’m thinking thoughts about Armand and Marius, bc of how he talks about him in the show vs in the books, I think they have a very weirdo relationship 😂🥴

(This is fic rec anon btw)

I tried to read the books years ago, but it didn't go very well 😅 I'm hoping to try again when I'm less busy (or at least read TVA for angst purposes)

but I've read loads of excerpts and enjiy a good yarn, so please go ahead

[queen-scribbles]

Love Yourself Challenge

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc. ) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works! 

Tagged by @greyias, but I”d already been planning to use the open tag from @allisondraste, so I’m just gonna do ten bc that’s totally how this works, right? and it says FAVORITE, not BEST, so these are the ones I’m ridiculously attached to, not necessarily the best written. (they’re all sfw, though Taking Initiative and Homecoming push it just a little)

Taking Initiative

SWtOR; f!Trooper/Aric Jorgan. expanding on the events of the ftb in Jorgan’s romance with banter and make-outs and kicking the crew off the ship OH MY. (I love these two a lot, and I’m really proud of the dialogue/flow in this piece, I think it might be one of my best written fics)

Whiskey Kisses

SWtOR; f!Trooper/Jonas Balkar. Casual night out turns contented night in, confessions are made, and these two continue their trend of mixing sweet and spicy juuuuuust right

Cracks

SWtOR; f!Imperial Agent/Theron Shan. Jaaide’s efforts to minimize casualties on Corellia come up short. Theron’s not happy. Words(TM) are exchanged.(aka the Catharsis Fic after I picked a very, very wrong dialogue option during Onslaught)

Fierce Competition

The Wayhaven Chronicles; f!Detective/Felix Hauville, with a brief appearance from Tina Poname; Janine introduces Felix to paper airplanes and shenanigans ensue. (I’ve mentioned once or twice how much I love writing Felix, yes? He and Janine are fabulous together and this was just SO FUN to write, with the added bonus of them being CUTE AS HELL)

Tension

KotOR II; f!Exile/Atton Rand(sort of?). Straight up sparring fic. Really proud of how well the combat and Ris and Atton’s banter flow, ngl.  

Small Price to Pay

Pillars of Eternity; f!Watcher/Heodan(pre-relationship, but it’s pretty obvious there are feelings). Adi worries about her curiosity getting her friends hurt, Heodan reassures her, but her curiosity’s not the only risk. (me fic-ing Mr. 21-DEX-wtf saving my orlan daughter when she slipped going in the backdoor of Clîaban Rilag. Heavy doses of crushing!Adi, her and Heodan being adorable, and camaraderie in general.)

Homecoming

SWtOR; f!Trooper/Jonas Balkar. Set right after the end of the main class story, Jonas is waiting for Bry when she gets back from Corellia. As always with these two, their banter is amazing, and I just love how they interact.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

Pillars of Eternity; Edér Teylecg/Charity(OC). Domestic Fluff set mid-snow storm, ft.married flirting, cold hands, and Charity actually baking something edible.

Drifting Roads

Dragon Age: Inquisition; m!Trevelyan/Josephine Montilyet and a hefty dose of m!Trevelyan & Sera as bffs. Filling a DA prompt ran way, way away with me; 20k of Inquisitor!Jowan stuck in the Fade and wrestling with his massive lingering self-worth issues

Unlikeliest Places

Pillars of Eternity; f!Watcher/Aloth Corfiser. Tavi and Aloth’s hunt for the Leaden Key takes them to the Living Lands where they find something--someone--totally unexpected.(another entry in the Cait Loves Positive Sibling Relationships log)

tagging @haledamage @starsandskies @ma-sulevin and @commander-sarahs-art as well as anyone else who wants to do it. SHOW ME YOUR CREATIONS :D 

[reilliane]

reilliane- RELI- alternate universe where Kazuha actually buries his wanderlust under the dirt and enjoys life with v!mc(who obv knows what kazuha’s doing and subtly makes him wander out abit more by sending him on errands.) for a few years, but every kazuha must submit to their desire to wander.

or, or — now this one is albedo—, rhinedottir actually made 2 prototypes. the first being a female one she created as a test and pretty much made on a whim(this one was co-created by alice. rhine did all the alchemic-sciency-frankenstien things while alice created the look and gave them a name[rhine wanted to just name her ‘prototype #1 ; test’ and alice went “NOPE :D!” slams a sheet of paper with names listed on it onto the table, “Pick a name, any name! All are lovely!”[i imagine she says it like those circus ppl who are like, advertising their show or smth].). the second (primodial) being a male and being, basically the ground layout for her most prized possession, albedo.

Both of them ([name] <- bc w/ this i dont read ‘yen’ & primodial guy) being thrown away and fed to durin</3. They both aid each other in leaving the (now dead) dragon’s stomach. Primodial goes on a path of inferiority complex and revenge or smth, while [name] just lives life🤷‍♀️. She bumps into Albedo — he legitimately froze when he saw her, he had seen his master’s notes and drawings of her previous two ‘failed’ homunculi. he thought that they were.. well, dead though. but then again he had gone through the whole ‘who’s who?’ fiasco with his bitter imposter. — and just smiles, tilting her head to the side and her eyes, though dull and emotionless, carry a familiar sparkle from his new family. “albedo” she says his name with an unsure voice, eyes never leaving his almost as if she was inspecting him. “was it? sorry, i wasnt exactly around when master planned you.”

Albedo flinches and immediately covers her mouth with his hands. To outsiders, an uncharacteristic move. To her and whomever may know of their origins, a panicked and fearful move desperate to keep it under the rug. “Sorry.” She removes his hands, “Let’s talk in that freezer-lab, yeah?”

-🦧i just love that albedo brainrot and i tried writing a fic outta it in my own blog but just ended up posting a wip😔 anyway, [Name] is alice’s ‘first’ daughter. So big sister![Name] and little brother!Albedo(+primodial) and little sister!Klee :DD (also, also, maybe [name] has a bit of alice’s personality). Mm, bed time for real now.

Kazuha sacrificing his desire to wander (albeit for a short while) in order to just live life with MC :((( my hart, my hART

Ofc MC's still aware that Kazuha probably wants to wander n all, I like to think she hints that her bro can do as he wishes. She'll be fiiiiiine~

When the time comes that Kazu prolly does want to go, he'll invite nee-san the same way he did in Resolve. Cause cmon, MC may not have a vision but she has a superpower and that's called being a nee-san-/SLAPPED

aw, kazu hungry? no worries, she can whip up a feast even out in the wild.

is that a hilichurl about to smack him?? pUNCH ‾͟͟͞(((ꎤˋ⁻̫ˊ)—̳͟͞͞o

the prICE For THiS ProDUcT Is maDLy HIgh? She didnt learn all those lessons for nothing, she about to talk business with a 🤗🤗 face

—

(i felt that reading y/n as 'yen' LMAO though in my case i read it yin JSDHAJKDHAS)

that idea is cool! just albedo gaping like "omygo i heard about you sis"

imagine primordial just showing up to enact revenge and instead finds his twin with albedo lmao 😭💀

he's like, unleashing this elsa snowstorm then sees MC along with the group and then trying to take it bacK LIKE:

"YAW WHAT THE SHUCK ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE??? GET BACK HERE WOMAN THIS INSTANT"

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

Ok, But Seriously, I Have Thoughts

I have... really mixed feelings about this episode, so I'm gonna talk about those feelings. And if my feelings about zep as a show and this season come out during that... so be it. (Seriously, this got long. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry). Also spoilers for the new ep below the cut, but y'all should've been able to guess that

- I... Zimon seriously deserves just so much better. We saw them as a couple together for three episodes, and they honestly weren't explored enough. Zimon... and this is a very personal opinion, but they really do strike me as a couple who never fully leave the honeymoon phase... like ever. Like, of course, they'll fight and disagree on a lot of things, but they also can have adult children, and just kind of act like newlyweds even if they've been married for over twenty years. And again, I know that's a very personal opinion, but I mean... we all knew c/arkeman was gonna be endgame, and it just feels like zimon was never given an actual chance.

- However, I do very much appreciate that their breakup was not messy, there's still clearly a ton of respect for the other on both of their sides, and that Simon is okay.

- "We didn't belong together." No, you fucking did.

- I am not going to stop writing Zimon fanfic either. In fact, this might spur me to write more and work harder on writing Zimon fanfic.

- Rose. Fucking. Deserves. Better. I'm not even gonna elaborate on this one. We all know it.

- Despite the fact that I fucking hate c/arkeman and that it was very, very rushed... I'm giving acting and singing props to Jane. I Melt With You is a song that's extremely personal to me. It helped get me through a point in my life where... I was constantly feeling at war with others, myself, and even felt unsafe in my own home (something I still feel today, no matter how irrational I know it is). I just generally feel a strong connection to every version of the song bc of that, whether it's the original or the Bowling for Soup cover (that was in Sky High!), and... Jane just has a way of making me feel safe when she sings. So, I really, really loved her cover.

- Um... yeah, I'm gonna be real, I don't like the idea of Max having powers. I don't know, I just think it kinda changes the whole original concept of the show, and I'm not a big fan of that...

- Simon! Simon working on changing SPRQ Point!!!!

- I do not really like how they handled Simon's racial bias/systemic racism in coding storyline *after* episode six (aka it only really being mentioned in passing, not being further explored, etc.), but,,, credits due where it's due I guess? I like how they handled him going to Danny Michael Davis, and how DMD listened.

- Sidenote, I kinda find it weird we as a fandom don't refer to him as Danny... it's Danny Michael Davis, DMD, or fucking Willy Wonka jokes. Makes sense I guess.

- Um... the writing was just... so lazy. Yeah. It's... really sad, I think that the show would've benefitted from even one less ep. But on the other hand... lazy writing is lazy writing.

- I think it would've been better - honestly - if Zoey's feelings of loss hadn't been connected to Max in a romantic way, but in a platonic/familial way. We didn't see a ton of their friendship, and yeah,, I hate Max, but there are a few moments there where you can see a legitimate friendship that's really sweet. I also think if they had maybe explored Zoey's fear of losing Simon as well as Max and centered the finale more on Zoey telling Simon about her power, it would've just been a lot better.

- But... honestly, after I just aired out all my issues with this episode (and the season too kinda),,, I honestly liked it. I hate that Zimon broke up and I just generally hate cl*arkeman but... this ep had some really great moments. Zoey and Mitch were beautiful to see again. Mctobin, Davidemily, and Mo x Perry were all absolutely my favorite parts of the episode. Hell, I'll even admit I... well I don't wanna say laughed considering I was so close to crying, but I let out a weird, breathy noise resembling a laugh when Zoey just blurted out she and Simon had broken up.

I don't want to say it was a bad episode, because I did honestly, enjoy ~parts~ of it... but... it wasn't even that cl/arkeman happened, I knew it would, but how it did... it just honestly (my g.od i need to stop writing that word) seemed like they were trying to kill off or like... fucking quash *any* hope Zimon shippers may have had,,, and the writing was just so fucking lazy, I just...

I started the show after dance one night because my teacher showed us the Help! number bc he was an extra in it. And I had already been intrigued by the few ads I had seen for it. So, my mom and I watched it, and we loved it. So we kept watching. And it was good! It was really good! Sure it could be cheesy, but... that didn't matter. I latched on...

I don't know if, ZEP is gonna get renewed, and if it is, I don't know if I'll watch it if/when it does. I latch on to shows really fucking hard when I do latch on. It's why I keep rewatching The Good Place and why I'll never forgive Freeform/Disney/Marvel for canceling Cloak and Dagger. The way I latch onto things is probably a bit unhealthy. And the fact of the matter is, despite everything, my overwhelming feelings about ZEP are positive. And I latched on. I'd honestly do it all over again.

I have a lot of feelings about this fandom and this show, both positive and negative. Still, I love it. Unconditionally. Ultimately, I don't care if Zoey ends up with Max or Simon (though, seriously, she and Simon are made for each other). It's a good fucking show, ships shouldn't be everything that matters.

I began lurking in this fandom when I was fifteen. I began posting fanfic for it when I was sixteen. I'm almost seventeen now. I was planning to get Tumblr when I was seventeen. I also knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I hadn't made my presence here known if it didn't get renewed.

I want to thank @simon-haynes because, uh, holy fuck, I adore you. Running a blog for fandom is something I couldn't even fathom, especially when a large portion of the fandom doesn't like your ship. I legitimately can't believe you followed me.

Thank you to @jennakang. You are, honestly, one of the best writers I've ever read from. You were so incredibly supportive of my writing on ao3, despite the fact you didn't know who I was, and that really meant the world to me. Thank you so much for your contributions to the fandom. Also, uh, fun fact, I was the anon who, after you expressed the want to write the quarantined Zimon fic, sent in that ask that was like "please do!" and also "hope I'm not being pushy about this". I don't know if you remember that at all, but your response meant the world to me.

And uh, lastly @myheartissetinmotion. Um, wow. I know we barely know each other, but I can honestly say, you have been my anchor for this whole show. I love both your Tori content on TikTok as well as just zep content you do on there, and how you wrote her into zep on ao3. I personally like to think of you as the pioneer of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist Tok. You were pretty unbiased when it came to ships on there, and that made me feel safe in a place where there were virtually no zimon shippers. Your content was funny, and I always found myself laughing or screaming "accurate" at it. I know, I'm the nuisance who every few months DMs you about something zep related, but I hope you know, you made me feel both seen and somewhat appreciated in this fandom. I cannot thank you enough, Isabella 💗

I know Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist may not be ending. But this still oddly feels like the end of an era. I'm not leaving the fandom, I plan to keep posting fanfic for it and everything. I just want everyone who may be reading this to know I love this fandom and I would not take any moment here back.

Also, this is me formally asking for a link to a Discord group chat since I know it exists but I'm too scared to actually ask any of you for it directly.

[kachinnate]

,,,,okay i know i just said i wasn’t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc y’all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otc i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but here’s what we’re lookin at

under a readmore because ghhhhhhh

firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, there’s a lot of things wrong with this movie. 

the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. that’s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time we’re living in. it’s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. i’m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if there’s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. it’s fully poc’s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movie’s production. the movie imo definitely doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say. 

there’s some little things too that i can’t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connor’s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.

if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.

so, i’m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like i’m begging you i’m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because it’s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also it’s possible to have opinions that aren’t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit y’all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because you’re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!

media is bound to be problematic. if y’all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldn’t be watching any movies like ever <3 

anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmao 

ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know he’s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know he’s too old to be reprising evan i’ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know. haha he’s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we should’ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but here’s some things to keep in mind: the arguments of “oooh ABF is right there !!!!!!” 1. who’s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, there’s no way of knowing what scenes were added that might’ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but that’s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR 😃 first of all it’s not that deep like... if you’re so distracted by an actor having their hair different that’s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it? y’all i know it’s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben platt’s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! i’m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! y’all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not 😳 be that way

connor. the thing about a trailer is that they don’t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, there’s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then he’s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very like “:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dry”, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesn’t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. can’t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. can’t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, that’s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? that’s right, colton ryan! so, i don’t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!! dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesn’t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e).. REGARDLESS. tldr on THAT , the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesn’t have much to begin with and i think y’all are being extremely harsh on this point 

jared. honestly i’m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actor’s ethnicity? it’s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we don’t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think it’s important to remember that uh.. jewish people aren’t just? always white ?? there’s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc there’s the possibility that they Didn’t and ... again hm that’s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you can’t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you can’t talk about things you know nothing about. 

alana. same thing as before, you can’t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemed ‘shy’ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of what’s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she won’t get a lot of screen-time but that’s neither here nor there 😔 moving on

scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when we’re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that aren’t just [evan’s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are y’all geneuinely surprised here or ........

there’s a lot we aren’t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, y’all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you don’t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you don’t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :’))) ? jesus? christ????

concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you don’t have to like the movie. you don’t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i don’t care if you think it’s good Or bad that’s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe it’s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldn’t be a movie. i genuinely think we could’ve gone without. but it’s just a piece of media, it’s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day it’s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you don’t have to watch it! you don’t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben platt’s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!

i’m not trying to be a fuckin’ advocate for this movie because there’s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and i’m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and i’m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but y’know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of y’all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. don’t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Can’t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick. 

SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, there’s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you can’t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and y’all need to calm the fuck down 

[janiedean]

Amazing how you can erase and twist everything someone says and not even bother to check things before launching in your 1000 words answer where you repeat the same things over and over again. When I say “Theon’s story is about destroying death”, I AM talking about his trauma and abuse. I’m not saying that Theon is a superhero, I’m saying that Theon’s story is literally about surviving and saying no to the dying of light, he’s always been trapped between life and death. How is that less meaningful than Jon being AA just because he’s special. Jon is stereotypical, not matter how much you deny it. He is the bastard son of the “good” Ned Stark that everyone seems to venerate, he becomes important, he’s actually a prince, and heir to the kingdom, he’s going to come back from the dead and apparently it’s not enough because he’s also AA. Also “I search for AA and see only Snow”, how is that not a red flag? Didn’t you think that it could be about Ramsay hiding Theon? I didn’t say that everything is about mythology and ancient literature, I said Theon has a lot of connections to it, connections that are hard not to notice, that actually make sense and are not taken out of nowhere like everyone in this fandom does. Theon’s story is about himself, not about Bran or any Stark, you’re just obsessed with throbb. Theon is connected to magic and to the gods, Theon is the rightful king of the Iron Islands, so why it’s so amusing to people when someone suggests that Theon has something to do. I’m not saying that Theon has to be important for his story to count, but why it’s so amusing to people the idea that Theon is an abuse and rape victim and at the same time he has something to do. When it comes to female victims, they want them to do great things, when it comes to Theon they constantly reduce him to poor say boy, but Theon is not like that, Theon is in pain and he wants everything to end, but he’s also angry and he wants to be free. I didn’t say that he has to explore the sea because he’s an Ironborn, you said that, not me. I think that that’s something Book!Theon would want to do if he survives everything. Because he would be free and he would go into the unknown. That’s not true Theon has no connection to the sea, the Drowned God himself wants him as king and he likes ships, there’s also the fact that he never learned how to use a ship because he was kidnapped at 10. Also what’s so wrong about him connecting with his culture? He could change things, he wouldn’t be a viking, he would be an explorer. The way you talk about it, it’s like dealing with trauma means closing himself in an house. And about the prophecy, what’s so amusing about saying that Theon has a lot that fits? I know that the prophecy is vague, but Davos and Stannis don’t come close to it as Theon does. Theon died in almost every possible way and managed to come back on his own. He keeps saying that he died in Winterfell. Read the last chapters in ACOK, it’s all there and it all happens at the same time, and still there’s so much more, so many things. And it’s like this HAS to be true, but you say no to everything, you don’t even think that he has something to do with the Iron Islands, you just think he has to “atone” to Bran, so how are you different from D&D? Theon doesn’t have to atone to Bran, Robb or anyone else called Stark, his story is about identity. And Bran is talking to Theon and yes, Theon took Winterfell, but it’s not the only reason their stories are connected, Theon taking Winterfell from Bran was a foreshadowing to them interacting in the future for different more important reasons, that was always clear to me

... anon never mind that I hadn't talked about this in ages so like you came into my inbox with some 500 words of replying at 8 am on a sunday morning and idk how *I* am supposedly twisting things when

you brought this out of nowhere

I hadn't talked about the AA thing nor anything wrt theon's ending in like... a year

you are basically making up half of what I said or didn't because like 'oh I didn't say he had a tying to the sea because he's an ironborn' but two lines later you say 'what's the issue if he reconnects with his ancestry' which.... means that he'd have a tie to the sea because he's an ironborn so what's the truth here

'you're obsessed with throbb' I didn't mention robb once in my entire answer nor throbb nor I have written throbb meta recently like... I ship throbb but I don't see how that has any relevance to an answer where I literally didn't mention it and I said theon's sl can't be just about the starks

idk why you seem to think I have great stakes re jon snow and 'he's stereotypical no matter how much you say he's not', I'm saying that for a chosen one archetype he's a deconstruction so he's not stereotypical in the way h*rry p*tter is or aragorn is or whatever and it's like objective text and honestly I have fic to write and stuff to do and I could have like completely ignored your ask and said 'I think you're wrong' instead yesterday I spent half an hour answering you like... you don't need to sound that aggressive or come at me with this entire block of text when I wasn't even the one starting this conversation

what’s so amusing about saying that Theon has a lot that fits?

anon I explained in those 1k reply or whatever all the reasons why everything theon has that fits is something every single other character has at that point dany has the exact same reasons for fitting it and I told you all the reasons why jon has extra things that fit that no one else has, like.... it's my opinion, I haven't changed my mind since 2012 on it, you aren't going to change it and no one is until grrm writes different, you don't need to convince me or look for me to validate your reading because you can have whichever reading you want and no one stops you, I just don't think it's correct, the end

The way you talk about it, it’s like dealing with trauma means closing himself in an house.

anon you keep on saying I say that but you are aware that if I say I want char X to get their little house in the village/woods/city of their choice and grow strawberries with their loved ones and be happy I'm not saying what you said and I'm talking abt endgame? jaime and brienne both also deal with trauma and when I say that I hope they get married on tarth have fifteen kids and never set foot in a court again I'm not saying having children is the only way to deal with trauma like.... one thing is the endgame one thing is how you get there, where did I say theon is gonna lock himself in a cottage in wow and stay there until ados? nowhere, like.... please a bit of chill here? you read a thing and arbitrarily decided it meant stuff it doesn't mean but I am the one twisting and erasing? like sorry but it sounds like you want a fight about it or smth and believe me fighting about who is AA is not on my list of to-do things for today, also 'I died in winterfell' is like... yeah, theon greyjoy died in wf then he became reek then he became theon again, it's metaphorical, jon literally died, also like if AA wasn't a main fiver then it'd probably be someone completely out of left field that no one gaf about and for that matter there's a character who has been dying and coming back to life who has a flaming sword since like acok, but do I see you telling me it's textual proof beric is AA? no, but that would make more textual sense than theon imvho so *shrug*

in short: anon sorry but it sounds like being that theon is your fave - which... I mean he's in my top three so I agree that he's a great fave choice - you want him desperately to have the main role in the main storyline which is imvho not the case and again... even if jon was stereotypical (which we can argue on but like... from your wording I think you hate jon ngl which fair enough everyone has their dislikes) it wouldn't make the textual evidence less evidence and like... idk how to say it nicely but not liking the protagonist is more common than not and if you don't whatever but that doesn't mean he's not and that the textual stuff indicating he has the mystical hero storyline doesn't exist, I'd suggest you make peace with that concept and with the concept that your fave doesn't need to have any specialness in their sl to be a legitimate fave, also like... in asoiaf everyone who is special™ has a shit life and when grrm says he wants a bittersweet ending like in lotr, do I have to remind anyone what was lotr's ending? samwise gamgee goes back to his little house and children and wife in the shire and says he's home and we're all happy that the dude who deserved it most got it great, if that's what he's aiming for I really don't think presuming everyone gets the magical great™ storyline is in the cards X°D but most of all: again, everyone who's had a sl being full of magic prophecies and shit in these books has had a crap life and hated every second of it that was related to those prophecies and I want theon to be happy at the end so in lack of any imvho text proof that says it's anyone but jon I'll stick with that because it means none of my faves is in line to hate their life, which is exactly what happens to jon if he's AA and exactly what I think is gonna happen and I don't particularly like that for him either bc I do want jon to have nice things but idt he'll get them, doesn't mean I'm trying to find any textual reason to decide on my own that AA is dany (a char I care a lot less about) so that she gets the brunt of it because that's now how it works, I made peace with it too X°D

[writingsbychlo]

Just out of curiosity since you mentioned it, is there anything else that gives you the “ick” in the fanfiction/blogging world? Because I agree with the triplets thing, and there’s just a lot of other tropes and habits that sometimes make me cringe when I see them, so I was wondering what yours were?

oh GOD there’s so fucking many idk where to start.

I mean, let’s start with them blatant disregard for characters personality to suit someone’s fantasy. I won’t even read fics that don’t match a personality because I’m like “this isn’t even the same character?” like when people make Stiles suuuuper dominant and stuff. like, that isn’t stiles?? he’s so spazzy and it’s adorable and we love him that way but it’s so not him when people portray him like christian grey it’s so bad it actually makes me laugh because it’s not even the same character anymore.

on the topic of that though, it irritates the shit out of me when people overkill certain trends. using stiles as an example, overkill on the jeep, Star Wars, curly fries, his twitchiness, his flannels, you get the picture. like, seriously? seriously? i can’t even finish fics that overdo it with those things. reference them. they’re just a part of his personality, not the whole personality, y’all!!

some nicknames just make my skin crawl and idk why. I see them and I’m like oh god no. ones that immediately come to mind are out of character nicknames which again is just a personal thing I guess but it icks me out when people use nicknames characters just wouldnt use. mitch can pull off ‘kitten’, stuart absolutely fucking could not. stiles would say ‘buttercup’ or ‘cupcake’, sam would make it feel weird. you catch my drift?

with nicknames though, some just make me all kinds of NO. I hate “lover” as a nickname. as a word it’s fine but calling someone lover unironically makes me wanna gag. putting boo on names is something i don’t like but putting poo on the end actually makes me ick. like take the name bobby for example, bobby-boo is barely acceptable, maybe as a joke, but bobby-poo actually makes me wanna dry heave i would close the fic. I don’t know why. I just hate it. I don’t think it’s cute and if someone called me chloe-boo or chloe-poo or something i would legitimately feel uncomfortable in my own skin. other nicknames with this same affect are rhyming names like are you writing song lyrics?? no?? then stop it was wavey navy davie pavy blah blah like girl what is you doing??? hate it. kids have rhyming nicknames not your literal lover (acceptable use I’ve the word lover, example given). however, boo itself is cute for friends. my friends call me boo, puddin, babe, and they’re all cute.

god i have so much fucking ICK what else, i mean I’ve mentioned it before but nothing makes me roll my eyes harder than girls being bitchy for no reason or girls against girls for no reason. there’s literally NO need for female protagonists to be so mean, and there’s no need for girls to be up against girls.

also, the “falling in love with someone who’s in a relationship but you don’t do anything but they leave the other person for you in the end” thing. tv, books, fanfic, i don’t care bc it’s toxic. I hate it. the “you can’t help who you fall in love with” UM YES THE FUCK YOU CAN. if someone is in a relationship even if it’s rocky or going through a hard patch literally do not get close enough to one of them to develop those feelings?? like??? i know a blatant case of it that happened in real life and it’s fucking awful and it makes me sick. don’t be so generic and toxic.

hmmm oh also there’s versions of that “bad boy who’s soft only for his girl” thing that make me want to choke. like i don’t want him to be nice only to me, i want a badboy who’d take a bullet for his friends and has six rescue cats b also punches racists. I want someone who stands up for themselves but can admit when they’re wrong. like what the fucking is hardin scott. I know we all laugh about FuCkInG tReVoR but for serious thats the most toxic man ever don’t do it

that’s all i can think of right now but there’s so fuckinf much like honestly it makes me wanna scream but thanks for asking :)

[binickandros]

Hey I know it was a few days ago you said this but I'm coming into your asks to also complain about how much they sidelined Nick in the Stand. I legitimately don't understand the creative choice to focus on Harold as the main character and sideline Nick and the other, bigger characters. Yes Owen Teague is a fantastic actor, he was amazing, but the decision was presumably made long before his casting. Why was this the Harold Lauder show whereas Nick was barely in it, I... don't understand :(

Stand ranting anon again: I just wanted to add that I would be fine with the amount of screen time Harold got, if all the other characters got the same amount, like if it was a 20 episode season and we could get a whole episode of Nick backstory, of Frannie etc. We only even saw Frannie pre-plague through the fence whilst Harold was creeping on her, which is really... Not Great. So yeah I just feel like it was bizarre they used their limited time in the way they did, very confused.

Listen, nonny, LISTEN: I may never be over this injustice. I am a CANCER, we hold GRUDGES, and you can consider this one fuckin well HELD. Uh this gets long sooo...

I watched the 94 miniseries when it aired and of course immediately loved Nick. Shortly after that I read the book for the first time and loved Nick even more (Larry is 2nd, then prob Fran, then Stu), and over the years I’ve rewatched the mini-series and re-read the book and I was always like “man, I’d love to see an adaptation of this without network TV limitations, just like dark and creepy and atmospheric, but with the good guys winning the day” as they do.

So fast forward to 2011 or whenever and there are tentative announcements of a movie. Eh, not great, nowhere near enough time. Then!! A limited series!! Which is just a miniseries made fancy.

My dumb ass: more time in Shoyo!! Maybe Rita AND Nadine!! More time with Fran and her dad!! Etc etc

Welp I guess I got one of those things, but at what cost!! A whole entire Lucy, and uh...p much everything else I might have wanted.

I was talking about this with someone else (you know who you are but don’t wanna tag you in case you, like me, avoid the mortifying ordeal of being known at all cost) and we were both like “okay what EXACTLY about our culture right now made the adapters here (including King’s own son, Owen) think that a story about good v. evil somehow needed to focus on the red pill incel????”

Like they obviously had some idea about making the story more diverse, but because of the way they then used those characters, it felt like performative with no substance.

Ralph Brentner is now a Native woman?? Love it!! She’s also a glorified extra until the last few episodes?? Oh pls fuck off.

Larry is Black?? Great! A Black main character!! Except of course he’s NOT because HAROLD IS.

Nick’s now Latino! Buuuut played by a hearing actor. Which actually only matters in principle because we’re going to try to sweep our bullshit decision-making under the rug by hardly having him on camera. Won’t show up till episode 3, gone by episode 6, in one 2-minute scene in episode 5. Good job, guys! *high fives all around the writers’ room*

I’d honestly like to see someone with way more time on their hands do a screen time comparison between Nick and Harold, or Harold and literally every other character on this show. They opened with Harold, he was in every episode in a major way, he got a CLOSING MONOLOGUE and MONTAGE of his LIFE, while Nick just blew up and then was mentioned a few times and that was it.

I mean I guess they attempted something meaningful by having him...looking at that picture or postcard before the bomb? Which was like someone on a boat, so was maybe his mom, or reminded him of his mom? But how the hell were we to know that, bc we got the piece of exposition about his mom from FLAGG in ONE SCENE, and we’d never seen that picture before, nor do we have any idea of the significance of “Silencio,” which was written on the picture and was the title of the episode. It was literally not meaningful AT ALL bc we as the audience didn’t know a goddamn thing about it, and it was “blink and you miss it.”

I thought 9 hours would give us more time for backstory. That’s what I was looking forward to. Like Fran burying her dad was sad bc duh he’s her DAD and he’s DEAD, but it’s so much more meaningful when you’ve seen them bonding. Even the 94 miniseries, which had to cut some stuff for time, showed us how close they were, and the scene of her stitching his shroud was heartbreaking.

How did Stu, a 45-year-old man (tho that’s James Marsden’s age and I think they mean for Stu to be younger), come to fall in love w Frannie, a 20ish-year-old girl?? Who knows! He saw her on the road and thought she was cute and I guess that was that. She’s a college student from Maine and he works in a calculator factory (or something idr) in East Texas and there’s a huge age difference, so what do they have in common? Ah fuck it who cares let’s see what Harold’s doing.

I just honestly would like to know the thought process here. I think. Let’s be real. This is what happens when your main creative team is nerdy white boys. They identify with Harold: he’s an “outsider,” he’s “misunderstood,” if only people hadn’t been so mean to him!

An adaptation created by 2 white dudes. A writers’ room with all white dudes, except ONE woman who, for all we know, was just there, again, as tokenism. This is what happens when white men create for themselves without any real input from women, POC, or members of the LGBT community. Because the “gay rep” on this show is a whole other rant.......

Anyway, nonny, I’m writing a Nick fic rn that will hopefully see the light of day soon, and it’s literally. All Nick. And an OC bc Nick deserves love too!! And no Julie does not count. I’m not saying that just as shameless self promotion, but also to show that I was so incensed by this bullshit adaptation that I’ve now written 35k words and they JUST LEFT SHOYO, all while starting school doing something I’ve never even dipped my toe into before, so it’s fairly intense work.

Justice for Nick Andros. He deserved better from the source material, and somehow an adaptation made in 2020 (when we should all know better) made it So. Much. Worse.

[rchtoziers]

favorite reddie fic(s)?

i’ve been sitting on this ask for so long bc answering things is Not My Forte i’m SO SORRY but let’s get some recommendations going shall we!!!! i’m gonna include like so many fics but there are BANGERS in my bookmarks and i think they deserve to be screamed about so lets go

Eurydice; The Original Comeback Kid by Vulcanodon — y’all this fic fucked me up. the imagery in this one is So Intense and so good i could read it a thousand more times. i know i’ve returned to it more than once. great horror writing (stephen king who i only know vulcanodon) but god GOD the conclusion!! i thought i was gonna pass out it was so well done

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle — i’m not kidding when i say this fic took my breath away. i don’t think i breathed for the entirety that i was reading it. i LOST it. the angst was Just Enough and the happy ending felt realistic in a way they deserved and god. god i’m crying again just thinking about it!!!

you’re already gone by ameliepoulain — just thinking about this fic makes me feral. i will be unreachable until everyone has read this. anything that combines hozier and reddie is automatically an a+ in my book. they’re dumb IDIOTS and this fic is perfect and i will not be accepting criticism at this time!

pretty much everything ever written by ShowMeAHero but in particular: as the ghost begins to bleed has been fucking me up since i first read it. the characterization of this series is so splendid and every time there’s an update i pterodactyl screech and stop literally everything i’m doing to read it. i just don’t have enough words but i’m pretty much always screaming internally abt this series. read it and then come scream with me

you never cried to them, just to your soul by dgalerab — i’m the most emotional person on the face of the planet so i cry at literally everything but i can’t think about this fic for too long without bursting into tears. it’s perfect. a great balance of the heavy stuff and a happy ending. absolutely losing it right now just thinking about this fic

go west by ssstrychnine — this is probably one of the most emotional written works of art i’ve ever read. to this day when i think about it i get choked up. this fic hurts in all the right ways and heals you in every way you need, too. this fic immediately activated my need to flee my smalltown and cross the country with the love of my life which was such a specific need i didn’t realize it was even there lol. also go look at this stunning art because i cry over it constantly

nor rivers drown it by theparadigmshifts — this is technically a stanpat fic that’s reddie adjacent but it’s the most perfect fic i’ve ever read legitimately 100% seriously, plus kit is writing a reddie sequel right now and the bits and pieces i’ve been collecting like a greedy little gremlin are actually perfection so prepare yourself by reading this first, which is also perfection

the mind’s a funny fruit by joldiego — EDDIE WAKES UP WITH AMNESIA AND DOESN’T KNOW HIS OWN NAME SO HE STARTS GOING BY RICHIE AND GETS ADOPTED BY THE PUREST GAY AUNTS IN THE WORLD AND SLOWLY TRIES TO FIND HIMSELF, dj if you see this you’ve written an actually perfect fic and i cry every time i think about it. also there’s a TWIST at the end that made me literally scream out loud

Broken Record by spunknbite — this one is adequately named because it a) broke me and 2) turned me into a broken record with how much i talk about it. i love timeloop fics because i’m a sucker for angst and i love being sad :) but this one PUNCHED ME IN THE GUT. i have text messages to multiple people that i spammed with my feelings as i read this one. amazing

we’ve been here before by hyruling — if i ever stop talking about we’ve been here before assume i have died. this fic fucked me UP. it fucked me up. such a unique concept and so brilliantly executed that i was breathless the entire time that i was reading. a really realistic portrayal of grief and trying to move on and then elation when the good things come. god i could talk about this fic for hours and i have, before, so

first love / late spring by vowelinthug — i have screenshots of huge chunks of text from this fic that punched me in the chest so hard i had to put my phone down and walk away. this is so good. i YEARNED. i laughed out loud multiple times. they’re idiots but they’re in love and it’s perfect. makes me want to start a podcast because it will solve all my problems. ICONIC

The Great Unsnappening of Derry, Maine, circa 2016 by iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid — TAGGED AS FICS THAT MADE ME GO ABSOLUTE BATSHIT FERAL. THIS FIC. OH MY GOD. i was screaming the entire time that i was reading it. such a good concept SO GOOD and i was LOSING MY SHIT. it’s perfect. everyone is so in character and so realistic and i felt like i was actually in the middle of this and i think about this fic at least daily probably

WELL. this got way longer than i intended but i’ve read some phenomenal fics in this fandom and i have a lot to say about all of them lmao. ANYWAY. enjoy xx

[national-nobody-writes]

2020 Creator Wrap

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the oh so talented @irolltwenties!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I’m not a particularly prolific writer (WIPs for days, but completed projects? Not so much). Somehow in this hell year though, I did manage to complete more fics than in any previous year for a total of seven new works (~49k words, all on ao3), plus a chunky chap of a long running WIP (~20k words) so I’m actually pretty damn proud of myself! I also made some new fandom friends in 2020 which has easily been one of the biggest delights of the year & has definitely helped my creative momentum, so ty all for that. <3

Counting down from 5, here are my favs:

5. Downtime

I have endless love for JayRoy and it felt so good to finally finish something for them for once this year! All of my past WIPs primarily focused on them ended up firmly in my graveyard folder, including the fic that this one shot was originally meant to be connected to. I liked the way this turned out well enough to clean it up and post it on its own though, so at least now I can say that I have something published for them at last.

(Also it got me back into the JayRoy headspace enough to outline a whole YJ/Earth16 JayRoy fic that I’m excited to start drafting in 2021, so we’ll see where that goes...)

2.3k NSFW; A mix of playful sweet and roughness, just like them.

4. Mirror Image

Bluepulse Week really saved me this year in terms of forcing me to just write, damn it! Did I finish all the prompts this year? Nope. Did it get me to complete a handful of fics that I ended up really loving? Yes. This was one of them.

This fic zoomed into existence entirely out of necessity as an alt idea to a prompt that I had a much longer idea for, but didn’t have time to complete. It then got a positive enough reception that I decided to turn it from a crack-adjacent, passable one-shot to a slightly more developed two-shot by request of one of my commenters. Really, it was writing that second chapter that ended up endearing the fic to me.

6.3k Humor, time travel shenanigans & accidental dating. This fic is the sweetness of teenage crushes, the confusing mess of discovering your sexuality, & laughter with your best friend.

3. Soft Wesper One Shots

Would you look at that, another nsfw piece. Could it be that I’m starting to get to the point where I can look back at completed nsfw fics without cringing terribly? Love that for me.

This fic took me by surprise, tbh. I wouldn’t consider myself a part of the grisaverse fandom (I’m utterly ambivalent toward the OG trilogy & have no plans to read them), but I did fall deeply in love with the whole Six of Crows gang earlier this year to the point of having quite the book hangover afterward, unable to pick up anything else except related fanfic for a couple weeks straight. These fluffy, nsfw scenes were born out of that, and I was pleasantly surprised to see such a positive response to them in the comments. The whole SoC gang has my heart, but the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan in particular got my writing fingers itching.

3.7k Domestic, post-canon fluff & tender sex with flirty Jesper & blushing Wylan abound.

2. Stick With Me

Ohh, I still get warm fuzzies thinking about this fic! If I’m only low-key proud of the first three on this list, this is one I’m legitimately very proud of. I had this idea on the docket already from a convo with @ivyxwrites early this year (or maybe last year? who knows, time means nothing anymore) but used Bluepulse Week as the excuse to finally get started, and I ended up adoring the process of writing it far more than I anticipated.

As much as I love planning out meticulously crafted, plotty stories, sometimes all you want to do is pick some well-loved tropes out of a hat instead and run with them (in this case: stuck in a cabin, only one bed, & heated argument leading to confession). It was freeing to just mess around and have fun with this fic, knowing pretty much right from the get-go how I wanted it to unfold and seeing it so vividly in my mind. It also probably helped that I was writing it for Ivy; it’s much easier for me to stay motivated when creating directly for my friends.

Finishing this was also such a serotonin-filled burst of pure victory for me since, as previously stated, I’m terrible at finishing projects--particularly multi-chap fics, particularly within a decent timeframe.

25.5k A showcase of the essence of what I love about the best friends-to-lovers dynamic. Part character study, part wires getting crossed & uncrossed, and whole idiots to lovers. This fic is the warmth in the pit of your stomach from a yearning made real & the sudden clarity of realizing what you were looking for had already been there all along.

1. The Rest Pt 1: Delicate (Remember Me Chap 4)

Oh, Remember Me. Of everything I’ve ever written, this story remains the one I’m most proud of and certainly the closest to my heart (not to mention the longest running, whoops). The first iteration of the beginning of this story was actually drafted back in 2017, but I walked away from it for a couple of years before deciding to dust it off and try again. It has spiraled into something far bigger in scope than I originally planned for, but I’ve come to love the path it’s led me down so far, and finishing this whopping 20k chunkster of a chapter was like breathing a huge (if temporary) sigh of relief.

This chap was particularly cathartic to write because it allowed for a number of convos between the boys that had really needed to happen, and was finally the ‘getting together’ moment the fic had been building toward for a while. It’s also so sappy I could die, but I will not be apologizing for that, lol. I was really hoping to get Chap 5 up this year as well, but y’know. Sometimes things just don’t work out like you plan for and that’s okay. 

Chap 5 does have 17k done already (with prob another 5-8k still to go) & I’m itching to share it, but no sense in rushing if the end result would suffer for it. Luckily, everyone in comments has been kind enough to beat me over the head with ‘take your time, we don’t mind/we’ll still be here!!!’ which I’m immensely grateful for. So, at least the pressure to hurry up and get it done is purely self-inflicted.

Of all my works, this fic has not only gotten the most passionate responses, but has also been the main gateway for me to interact with other bluepulse creators, which has been a real joy. Nothing brightens my day like the essays people leave me over there from time to time after discovering the fic. That kind of engagement is the highest praise, & responding is very self indulgent fun for me (bc, clearly, I could go on and on about this fic & YJ in general forever).

54.8k total so far (WIP). Bart & Jaime’s relationship journey from beginning to ‘current day’ (aka the moment the fic begins), using amnesia/memory restoration as a framing device. The high highs and low lows of first love, navigating a 3 yr age difference, and the long, winding road from best friends to lovers as the years roll on. Slow-burn-adjacent (in terms of both the boys’ relationship to each other and reader’s relationship to the fic bc of how long I take between goddamn updates).

Tagging @ivyxwrites, @incorrectbatfam, @paintingwithdarkness, @bluepulsebluepulse

[after-witch]

post replies & inbox messages

Got a bit long so I put them behind a read more!

@just-average-poet THIS IS SO GOOFAvatar just-average-poet GOOD I MEANT GOOD

Thank you!!

@natinolang-utak Bruh i thought for a moment he's threatening to kill her loved ones bc thatll stop me for sure. This is goood👌🏻

The original draft did involve family but I decided to go in a more direct direction ahh. Thank you!

Anonymous said: Hiiiii, I'm the one that requested a headcanon for wishing stairs and like I been MIA due to personal problems and I din't have the time to read/ check Tumblr, the one that I requested but thankfully my schedule is cooperating with me, and i finally read the headcanon, all I can say you're a amazing writer, and believe me I felt scared while reading the headcanon, THANK YOUUUU AGAIN, SO MUCH THANK YOU PO. have a jolly day to youu

Thank you for the kind message! :)

Anonymous said: WOW - Revelations gave me legit chills. honestly didn't expect the end at all. the sudden shift from defiance to fear? reader felt a shred of control and suddenly there is this looming sense of danger/threat. thank you so much for writing my request 🥰 it made me wonder. would he ever really overhaul his darling? 😳

IMO yandere!Overhaul would never overhaul his darling unless it was a "you HAVE TO DO THIS TO SAVE THEIR LIFE" legitimate life or death situation. (Regular Overhaul? Oh yeah. But IMO regular Overhaul is far outright nastier, so.)

Anonymous said: You mention in one of your yandere! Overhaul fics how reader gets scared when Overhaul thinks their sick and how they don’t want him “to go down that road again”. I was just wondering like how much more controlling or how overhaul acts when reader does get sick.

So the man is bossed with your personal health and hygiene even when you're healthy. Eat a well-rounded healthy diet. Brush your teeth--use plaque disclosing tablets if he thinks you don't brush well enough. That sort of thing. Imagine getting sick. Even a simple cold or infection, and you're signed up for: Temperature checks, fluid intake (and output, eck) monitoring, strict diet based on what's going on health-wise and you must eat it or he'll need to resort to IVs, no physical exertion, medications if necessary. He's just so far up your ass even for something relatively simple and it's not pleasant.

Anonymous said: girl I just wanted to say that I love your overhauls fics so much, like just the way you write everything is so *chefs kiss* ❤️

Thank you!! that's so sweet

Anonymous said: I love the juxtaposition between "doctor doctor" and "sweet escape" cuz you really capture the difference in how your yandere overhaul treats his darlings emotional vs physical problems. You have a phobia? He thinks youre being ridiculous and he'll belittle you but also hes ESTATIC to help you with this childish little problem as it means youll grow closer. But you have a physical disorder? one that causes self-harm? He thinks its far more serious and is more gentle, but hes not pleased one bit.

Great observation! He’s definitely a little more... excited when it means you can tackle something “together,” but when it’s something that has an immediate impact (like self-harm or bulimia) then there’s very little wiggle room in his mind.

Anonymous said: Sometimes I see you sharing genshin content, are you perhaps playing genshin impact? If so, are you planning to write for it? Sorry, i'm just curious since ive been following your blog for quite a while.

I’m not playing it but I’m into the story/concept & characters! I probably won’t be writing for it though

Anonymous said: I absolutely LOVED your last overhaul fic! I read it a couple of times now, gosh. The reader's despair is tangible and his behaviour is so horrible omg. Thank you for writing it!! I wonder - what would have happened if the reader stayed defiant? Refused overhauls orders, tried to run nonetheless, and so on? Would he have gotten really nasty?

He’s always willing to jab reader with some sedatives and keep them nice and drowsy until they can start behaving again. 

Anonymous said: Me: *Sees your part 2 of Its my part and I'll cry if I want to

Also me: *Slaps on Lesley Gore on the record player (carefully)*

If I ever use another Lesley Gore song as a title, just know that it’s for you

Anonymous said: Took me awhile to put my thoughts together but your recent Sephiroth fic was gold. I love how it also makes me a little confused about whether or not Sephiroth kidnapped his ‘darling’ or not. Did he kidnap her and over time convince her that was the case through brainwashing? Or did she really choose this out of her own violation? And the way you depict an abusive relationship is right on point. (1/2)'

The constant fear of saying the wrong thing is such a strong presence that I actually froze when Sephiroth got angry at reader looking up when she heard Cloud’s name. And it also made me wonder why Sephiroth kept her around. Sure, it could be that he’s just obsessed with her for whatever reason. But then I think that he keeps her around to piss off Cloud. There are just so many things! Anyway, great job. Your a really talented writer :) (2/2)

Oh gosh thank you for your thoughts! This comment is *chef’s kiss* dopamine. It’s meant to be ambiguous--abuse relationship, either way, but ambiguous as to the exact origins. 

Anonymous said: I adore your overhaul fics so much!! Idk why I love that nasty man - but you capture him perfectly and your writings make my heart go 💖💗💘💕💝💞😘 Thank you so much for sharing!!

Thank you for the nice comment!! :)

[princeanxious]

Hey so! I'm reading through this fic again for like the fifth time and i gotta shout my love to the rooftops for it aight?

@whatwashernameagain EVA

'Keep Him Safe' is a goddamn MASTERPIECE OKAY.

I am enthralled by each and every chapter, mesmerized by the world you build with every word. Each character rich in backstory, rich in their own personal conflict, everyone has their own interpersonal connections with one another and their whole complex group dynamic is set up so gosh darn freaking well that my heart still soars and drops with each and every word. I get so excited rereading the happy and fluffy rises in story and have legitimately cried from the dips in anguish that the story has conveyed.

Logan, Logan. The driving force of their whole dynamic, their center, their Logan. The way he intwracts with each and everyone makes my heart melt, i love his characterization.

Roman, Mr. Drama with a confident puppy's heart, just, the complexities from his past and his drive to be in the present makes my heart sing and really just give him so many hugs.

Virgil. Virgil, the wildcard, the wildcat, his characterization and the at hes written is brilliant and gosh it's so perfect! I love the balance of sarcastic but sweet, grumpy but caring he has, not to mention just, the take of his firey passion that matches Roman's in an opposite sort of way, brilliant.

And Patton. Oh Patton. He's a hard one for me to explain without stumbling too much but, his characterization is so lovely, and the way you portray everything going through Pattons mind is so well done. Just, oh gosh. Patton's experience through it all, and I'm just floored by it.

I'm always surprised by the emotions this fic makes me feel, it's amazing and so well written dang it!! I keep wanting to read all 32 long and well crafted chapters over and over because just!!! This story, from the plot to how well you conduct the outside world around them in your writing, Im positively captivated by it all okay?

This fic is so great, and I honestly encourage others to go read,re-read, and/or discover this fic for the first time. Because it's Good. Like, head the content warnings, but it's fricken good.

Now, I'm off to finish rereading the whole fic again bc I love it so much!!!

[artbymintcookies]

if ur taking requests still.. could we get foggy antagonizing matt in the office? i read a fic once where karen didn't know about dd and came back in the middle of an out of control throwing-shit battle instigated by foggy who kept throwing things at matt's head to see if he could catch them (he could) anyway matt didn't want to out himself to karen so he took a textbook to the face n that scene lives within my brain forevermore

hope you don’t mind more words! Also Idk if this is what you had in mind but these boys are straight up mean to each other. under the cut bc long

wait how did this lowkey turn into a full kinda sad fic i’m so sorry

Foggy was angry at him. He knew this because Foggy had told him as much, but also because there was no way any person who was not driven to insanity through passionate rage would put rancid coffee in the coffeemaker. It was from the tin at the back of the cupboard that no one dared touch, liquid tar sitting in their kitchenette just to waft into Matt’s nose until someone did something about it.

Foggy, meanwhile, had a nice steaming cuppa from the coffeeshop across the street. He had bought one for Karen as well.

Finally, noon rolls around, and the stench had been looming around the office for long enough that he broke. He dumped it into the sink, worsening the smell as it coated the drain.

Tersely, he brought the empty carafe into Foggy’s office and plopped it down onto his desk.

Slowly, Foggy looked up to him.

“Can I help you?” he asked sweetly.

“Do I have something to apologize for?” Matt shot back.

“Was there something off about the coffee?”

“I’m not doing this right now,” he said, storming out of the room and trying to focus.

-

Foggy clicked his pen when he was peeved. It was usually only semi conscious, with the added benefit that it bored into Matt’s skull every time.

Matt could take precisely 6 minutes of it before he stormed into Foggy’s office, felt around for a capped pen, and replaced it in Foggy’s hand.

“This is a red pen. I’m not writing notes with this,” Foggy said flatly.

“As long as the clicking stops, I don’t care,” Matt retorted. “Is this also part of my torture?”

“I’d hardly call it torture.”

“You’ve been rude to me all week, and I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“If you don’t know, you don’t know.

-

Foggy continued not to talk to him for another week. Matt developed an urgent need to punch something. So he did, repeatedly and hard, every night for a week, and then he stumbled into Karen’s apartment with bloody knuckles because he sure as hell wasn’t going to talk to Foggy about it.

“Woah, hello there, Mr. Devil. Doesn’t your partner usually look after you?” Karen asked, opening the window to let the man enter.

“‘Usually’ being the operative word,” Matt spit bitterly.

“On the outs again?”

“Rough patch,” he corrected. “I’ll fix it. I just need to find out why he’s being so pissy.” 

“Ouch,” Karen deadpanned. “Why can’t he just be legitimately upset at you?”

“I haven’t done anything.”

Karen sighed. “What do we know? Inaction can sometimes be as harmful as action. Willful ignorance, negligence leading to serious harm, what have you.”

Matt paled. “What did I miss?”

“Well, a couple weeks ago, you were supposed to meet Foggy for dinner with his mother.”

“The Rosalind dinner,” he said, horror dawning on his face. “I had to stop a bombing on the other side of town. Did he do it himself?”

“I had to come to his rescue, a half hour late. Apparently, when he had told her she’d be meeting his partner, she had assumed he had meant business partner. She congratulated us on our engagement, by the way.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, she hated that I was the tardy type. She said she’d ‘loathe to have her son tethered to a flaky type.’ Now, usually, I would hate to agree with the reason Foggy has to take Xanax, but just this once, I see where she’s coming from.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged. “Don’t tell that to me. I wasn’t the one losing out there. Foggy is a surprisingly good kisser.”

“Okay, yeah. Just invite me to the wedding,” Matt waved at her over his shoulder, booking it out the window.

“You owe me one!” she called after him.

-

The window to Foggy’s bedroom had a trick lock. Normally, it wouldn’t matter because he lived on the 11th floor and no one was ever trying to open it from the outside. Matt thought maybe he should let Foggy know as he shook it open and climbed inside. He could hear Foggy in the kitchen, which wasn’t good because it smelled like he was eating sugar cookies at 11pm, which was a definite depression meal.

“Hey,” Matt said, tapping Foggy on the shoulder. He dropped his plate and it shattered in a deafening noise.

“Get out.” Barely a whisper, and barely concealed irritation.

“I came to apologize.” He put his hands above his head in a show of surrender. “I’m sorry I missed dinner. I’m sorry you had to suffer Rosalind alone.”

Foggy paused for a long moment and shoved him out of the way to get a broom.

“I wasn’t alone. I had Karen.”

“Congratulations on your engagement, by the way.”

It earned Matt a jab in the ribs. It wasn’t gentle, but it wasn’t as violent as it could have been, so he took it as a good sign. “Shut up, I’m still mad at you.”

“And how can we expedite your anger so you go back to loving me?” Matt was suddenly glad no one else seemed to be able to hear heartbeats, because it was hammering in his chest. His palms were clammy in his gloves. What if Foggy still refused?

Foggy was silent as he cleaned up the stray ceramic. The pieces jangled into the trash before he spoke. “Just be better, Matt. I’ve been begging you for years.”

Shedding his gloves, he places them carefully on the counter, and his mask along with it. He felt all the ways his hair is disheveled, the myriad directions it was being pulled. He wanted to look away, but he needed Foggy to see his face.

“I can’t do that if you don’t give me another chance.”

“How many more will it take, Matty? How many other chances am I supposed to give you?”

“I’ll get it right one day, don’t you think?” He tried to smile sheepishly, and hoped it didn’t read as smug.

“Your track record says otherwise.”

Matt frowned, felt his muscles lurch downward grotesquely. He took a step forward and reached for Foggy’s hand. It was selfish, but he wanted to chase it when Foggy slipped out of his grasp. “I can’t lose you, Fogs. Don’t tell me that ship’s already sailed.”

A sigh. “You know, for the first time since maybe ever, I think Rosalind was actually proud of me. She was happy that there’s a firm out there with my name on it big enough to have employees, and that it’s competent enough to win cases more than it loses. I mean, I’m still poor as dirt, but at least I’m not a failure. She was proud that I found a smart and pretty woman to love me. You know what she said?”

“Foggy-”

“She said, ‘thank God you’re not so attached to that Murdock fellow anymore. You were getting a little codependent, were you not?’ I mean, what can I say to that? It’s not like it wasn’t true. She had investigators look you up. Came in with a stack of files three inches thick on everything that you’ve done that might reflect badly on me. And that’s just the Murdock side of you. Can you imagine if they found out about Daredevil?”

Matt felt his chin quiver.

“She called it a proposal. She wanted us to split. And it was so tempting, you know? All these years later, chasing her green light. Pathetic, don’t you think?”

“Is this a break up?”

Foggy shook his head. “No, Matt. I told her to fuck off, and that you’re my best friend and that she won’t be the one to split us up. Stormed out of there faster than Rosalind could be billed. Because I show up, for you, Murdock. I can’t do this if it’s not reciprocal.”

“It’s reciprocal I swear. I had- I’m sorry, I know it’s not an excuse, but there was a bombing on the other side of town.”

“Yeah, in Queens. You could have let Spider-Man handle it. Hell, he showed up to the scene faster than you did, according to the Bugle.”

Matt scrubbed at his face. “Okay, maybe Rosalind scares me a bit,” he admitted.

Finally, it got a chuckle out of Foggy. Dry and barely amused, but present nonetheless. “Yeah, she scares me, too.”

Before they could help it, they were laughing and collapsing onto the floor, and melting into each other’s arms.

“I really am sorry, you know. I’ll never let you face her alone ever again,” promised Matt, finding Foggy’s pinky finger to loop it around his own.

“See to it that you do. And you’re paying next time.”

“I can work with that. Just don’t leave me. Please.”

“It’s a deal, I guess.”

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[iturbide]

just wanted to say that i just started reading future built again bc i like to do so every now and then and ,, god its just so good every time. experiencing the build all over again is fucking enthralling experience... i just wanted to let you know that i really dearly and truly love it. its one of my favourite fics for one of my favourite games and has probably my favourite characterization of robin. i love it to bits and even though we kinda know how it ends i cant wait to see how we get there

okay so i am legitimately screaming about this ask I just.  I cannot adequately express how much it means to me that people not only go back to this story that’s still incomplete, but do so regularly, and still get enthralled by it.  This is something that I feel about particular series, and the idea that my work in progress is doing that to other people is an immeasurable honor to me.  Also, the fact that people enjoy my high-strung tactician is an immeasurable relief and joy because even if he’s a little odd compared to the fandom-wide view, I love him so much. 

Also, I’ll have you know that I went through and re-read part of Future Built myself last night

and then this happened today

===

Once the table was cleared, though, he prepared to fetch his things from the carriages -- only to find that they had already been unloaded, sitting by the door along with the rest of the trunks and cases brought for the trip.  He wasn't even permitted to carry the unimpressive bag himself: the moment he reached for it, a man in a crisp white and green uniform picked it up, bidding the tactician follow as he mounted one of the staircases curving along the edges of the room to the floors above.  Obediently, he followed the steward to the second floor landing, then up to the third, steeling himself for he knew not what as the man opened a door and moved inside...but whatever he might have expected, it was not what he found: the quarters were smaller than the noble guest rooms that he had seen in Maribelle and Lissa’s company before the ball, but still palatial compared to anything he had grown even passingly used to, with a four-poster bed large enough to fit three, a set of plush chairs and accompanying tea table, and a cushioned window seat offering a glorious view of the grounds and the cliffs leading down to the sea.

“There must be a mistake,” he protested as the steward deposited his luggage atop the chest at the foot of the bed.

“No, this is exactly right,” a familiar voice replied behind him.  Turning rather faster than he’d intended, Robin found Chrom and Sumia both beaming at him from the doorway.  “Our room is the next one down, so this is definitely the right place.”

“This can’t b...a-are you sure it’s not Lissa’s room?”

“Lissa always wants a seaside view,” the prince chuckled.  “Her room’s further down, after the turn -- pretty sure it still has all her old stuff in it.”

“This is too much, Chrom,” he insisted, wondering if his voice sounded as pleading to them as it did in his own ears. 

Apparently it did, for as the uniformed man excused himself, the prince and his wife both moved inside; he saw Chrom kick the door closed behind them in the instant before Sumia wrapped her arms around him -- and before he could gather enough of his senses to protest, the prince embraced the both of them.  “It’s not,” he murmured.  “It’s nothing you don’t deserve.  It’s not even enough.”

“I don’t--”

“You do,” Sumia cut him off.  “You do deserve it.  All of this and more.”

He knew he should argue.  He knew that this, however small it seemed to them, could lead to untold dangers. 

But it was warm in their arms.  And despite himself, he wanted to believe their words.