#and now everything is different . giving him an identity crisis

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sick for it

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[steviesbicrisis]

A Barbie AU where the Kens decide, in order to get some recognition, to get individual names.

Steve, who’s just a Ken very good with kids, is having an identity crisis after his Barbie, journalist Barbie, broke up with him.

Not even picking a name as unique and special as Steve, so much different than Ken, managed to cheer him up.

Everyone keeps saying he should be happy about the change, and discover who he is outside of Barbie’s orbit, but he can’t see what was so wrong in their relationship. He loved waiting all day for Barbie to look at him, even if it was for a brief second.

As if going through an existential crisis wasn't enough, he has to do it under the constant mocking of his archnemesis, Ke- Eddie.

Eddie, with his long curly and annoyingly gorgeous hair, who has a sense of style he would give all of his rollerblades for, and who's always there to notice whenever Steve makes a mistake.

Eddie even has his Barbie still by his side, cheerleader Barbie, and every time Steve sees them together he gets a sick feeling in his stomach, like a tummy ache. Doctor Barbie visited him a couple of times and found nothing wrong with him, he imagines he's a little jealous of Eddie for being with a Barbie.

Steve talks about this with Polyglot Barbie, his best friend, annoying her to death.

"Why are we talking about Ken, again?" she interrupts Steve's retelling of his last encounter with Eddie.

"It's Eddie" Steve corrects her.

"Right," she nods. She's very supportive of their silly-name-thing (how most Barbies call it), but she still has trouble remembering all the names, "why are we still talking about him?"

They're hanging out at the park, sitting under a tree, Barbie's leg on top of his, and they're holding hands. It's nice. Steve is happy to have a best friend like Barbie.

Steve looks up, meeting Eddie's gaze. He's sitting at one of the picnic tables not far away from them, doing nothing besides glaring at Steve.

Barbie squeezes his hand to get his attention back, and Steve looks away.

"Because he keeps tormenting me! he's even glaring at me right now, I'm gonna get stress wrinkles!" Steve finally replies, in a distressed tone.

"You're being dramatic," she says, matter-of-factly, "Eddie isn't so bad with you. You know, he kinda treats you like his Barbie."

If Steve had a beating heart, it probably would've stopped right at this second.

"What?"

"You know, he's always looking for you, he is always giddy whenever you give him a crumble of attention. He hangs out where you hang out... why do you think he's sitting all alone at a picnic table, just staring at you?"

"Maybe he's waiting for his girlfriend" he suggests.

"Are you talking about Cheerleader Barbie?" she giggles, "she's not his girlfriend, trust me."

"But he picks on me! all the time! Like this morning, I tripped and he made a comment about my legs!" He gestures at his legs with his free hand.

Barbie tilts her head to the side "you mean this morning at the beach when he held you in his arms for ten minutes to prevent you from falling and Barbie had to tell him to let you go?"

"… yeah” he manages to say. He hadn’t realized how long Eddie held him in his arms, he was upset about almost falling in front of him, but he also liked the feeling of his arms around him.

Everything feels different now.

Barbie's look softens "How does this make you feel?"

"I don't know" he answers, honestly "I just can't stop thinking about him."

A loud noise at their right startles them off of their conversation. They turn around to see Eddie lying on the floor, a trash can at his feet.

Steve doesn't give himself the time to realize that Eddie has probably heard their entire conversation and has tripped on that trash can because of it, he just rushes to Eddie's side to help him out.

Eddie stammers while Steve pulls him back up, not making much sense.

Steve is used to see Eddie as an intimidating guy, someone to compete with for Barbie’s attention. He never realized how much he liked to have Eddie’s attention instead, nor how he loved to give that attention back in equal amount.

“Nice legs” he tells him, repeating the same words Eddie told him that morning.

Eddie stops his incoherent stream of words when he hears him “what?”

“You heard me” Steve says.

“I did” Eddie admits. He pulls the trash can back up, to have an excuse to not look at Steve when he asks “you can’t stop thinking about me?”

For some reason, that’s the easiest question Steve has ever had to answer to “yes, I can’t.”

Eddie jolts back up startling Steve, the trash can falling out of his hands and hitting the ground once again.

“Cool” he says, using all of his willpower to hide his excitement by keeping a relaxed face, failing miserably.

“I guess” Steve grins. Knowing he has that effect on Eddie is making him the most confident he has ever felt in his life.

“So, since you can’t stop thinking about me…” Eddie repeats, in a tone that Steve would’ve mistaken for a mocking one until few hours ago “…we could hang out on the beach later. I’ll bring my guitar.”

“I’ll bring mine too then” Steve replies immediately.

Eddie panics “We can’t both have a guitar!”

Steve crosses his arms on his chest “who says that?”

Eddie opens and closes his mouth a couple of times then mutters, defeated, “fine.”

“Great!” Steve takes a step forward and gives Eddie a peck on his cheek “I’ll see you later.”

Eddie, who makes a face again trying to hide his excitement, nods and turns away “cool.”

He walks away slowly, towards the park’s exit. Right by the gate, he throws himself into an hedge. Steve can clearly hear him when he screams words along the lines of “FINALLY”, “I HAVE A DATE” and “SUBLIME”.

Steve turns to Robin who has witnessed the whole thing, while Eddie is still screaming random words from the bushes.

“I think I’m in love.”

[prodagustd]

the road not taken | myg

part one: back home

Summary: To have the job you’ve always wanted and the life you’ve always dreamt of you had to break a few hearts, including your own. Four years later after running away from your home, your family and friends, you realized that maybe you fucked up; you’ve been a bad daughter, a bad sister and a bad friend. Getting your shit together seemed difficult enough, you didn’t expect that it included facing the first man who ever broke your heart: your brother’s best friend.

part two>

—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc

—rating: +18

—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)

—warnings/tags: angst, fluff, eventual smut, angst, sexual tension? lmao, slow burn, flashbacks, ANGST!! Btw english is not my first language !!

—words: 12k

—a/note: literally finding the courage to post this rn because yesterday i had an identity crisis and i wanted to delete everything!!! but i hope you like it more than me <3 feedback is very much appreciated, if you want to be on the taglist pls let me know!!

series masterlist | teaser | playlist

Four years ago.

In your almost twenty one years of life, you never had to spend the holidays without your eldest brother, you were never prepared for that. All the attention of your family was fixed on you now, making you feel like you were an only child for the first time. It felt weird, but nostalgic, like you were waiting for him to enter through the door at any moment. You supposed it was going to happen at some point, opening the gifts with just your mom, sitting on the front seat of the car for the first time while listening to christmas songs on the radio, only to arrive to your grandparents’ home and attempt to survive the questions of your future alone, that didn’t sound fun at all. 

Simon, your eldest brother, didn’t die, by the way, he just got a girlfriend. A girlfriend? Yes, a girlfriend, that word wasn’t part of his vocabulary, or at least it wasn’t a few years ago when he left for college, but now all of a sudden he had a serious one, the kind who invited their boyfriends to spend the holidays with their families. Now Simon wore knitted sweaters, drank black coffee and listened to all the bands your uncle liked, he grew up, or something like that, but you didn’t think he grew up enough to get a girlfriend, to fall in love. Well, you hoped he was in love, you didn’t meet the girl yet but you hoped he was, at least that was what he said. 

Yes, Christmas without your brother sounded a bit sad, but New Year’s eve on the other hand… didn’t sound so bad. 

If your brother’s absence would’ve happened years ago, you would’ve planned this the same way as always, getting drunk with your highschool friends at the only decent party that there was in your hometown around that time, only this time he wasn’t going to be around to tell you to stop drinking or to take the joint off your mouth when you failed to hide from him to smoke weed. But this year you got sick of all that, you got sick of the same faces from highschool and all the girls who approached you just because they wanted to fuck your brother, or all the girls who fucked your brother’s best friend, maybe you got sick of the same music, the same party, the same people. This year you felt like you were seventeen again, too afraid to wish that something different could happen, maybe this time you weren’t coming home alone after watching Yoongi giving the first kiss of the year to some random girl, maybe this time your heart wasn’t going to hurt that much. 

Yoongi, your brother’s best friend, was painfully always there in your life, you didn’t know how the mess that was your brother was able to have such a good friend, they knew each other even before you were born, when they were only four and met each other at basketball practice. Yoongi was always like your brother’s conscience, the voice of reason, the calm one, the designated driver ever since he was sixteen, the smart one, the boy every mother wanted as their son. Yoongi was the boy who helped you with your math homework when you were eleven, he was the boy who defended you when your brother made fun of you, the boy who gave you his joystick so you would stop crying when you found out your brother was making you play with the one that didn’t work. He was sweet and kind with everybody, you wished you knew that when you were twelve so you could save yourself the eternal heartache that came along with being in love with a man who only saw you as your brother’s little sister.

Yoongi was always mature, always wiser, always older. And you were always immature, always stubborn, always younger. Just a brat who couldn’t stand the fact that he was the only one you wanted, but the only one you couldn’t have.

Maybe forgetting about him when he went away to college was the best thing that happened to you, you pretended he didn’t exist during the school year and made yourself believe you got over it, that your heart didn’t jump every time you called your brother and you heard his voice in the background, that you didn’t read every birthday message he sent you since you were sixteen until you memorized them, that you didn’t compare every guy to him and that you weren’t annoyed when you realized that none of them was half as intelligent as him. You were obligated to pretend you weren’t condemned to look for his face in every crowd ever since you were a teenager. All that mental effort was wasted away when you came back home for the holidays and saw him sitting on your couch again. 

You repeated the cycle every year as you pretended that your heart wasn’t tired of it, like seeing him that morning in your kitchen didn’t make your heart drop like you were twelve years old again. 

It began when you heard voices coming from the second floor, an outburst of laughter, your mother’s laughter, and then the laugh that echoed so many times in your dreams, were you still in a dream? You thought you might be in one when you entered the kitchen and saw the long figure of the man, the long figure of Yoongi, sitting on a stool as he peeled a tangerine and listened to your mother talk, but the minute they noticed your presence they fell silent. 

Two pairs of eyes landed on your sleepy face, making you aware that you were wearing your old pajamas, the one that was pink and had a bunny pattern all over it. You locked eyes with him and it felt like it hadn't passed a day since the last time you saw him.

“What are you two gossiping about so early?” You wondered out loud, slowly approaching the aisle of the kitchen, slowly approaching Yoongi, whose hair was slightly shorter from the last time you saw him and whose cheeks were still red from the cold outside. You arrived three days ago, confidently thinking that even if your mind was a mess at least you didn't have to see your brother's best friend's face.

In your mind, you cursed your mom for always telling him that he will be forever welcomed in her house. 

“Why do you care?” He spat at you, following your figure with his eyes as you sat in one of the stools beside him. “That’s between your mom and me.”

“Dude,” You said under your breath, grabbing a tangerine from the bowl of fruits in front of you “You have to get a fucking girlfriend.” 

Your mother frowned, annoyed, but Yoongi is too used to you to do anything else but  laugh.

“God, darling, you barely open your eyes and you’re already cursing.” She complained, shaking her head in disapproval. You shrugged, pretending to pay full attention to the tangerine in your hands. 

“It’s fine, Lila. I can handle her.” He said, carefree as ever.

You scoffed, “Yeah, sure.” You played it cool, as if that didn’t make your heart jump a little.  “What are you doing here, anyway? Weren’t you supposed to come back for christmas?”

“Why?” He asked, “You want me gone?”

You saw a stupid smirk appear in his face, the same one you’ve seen countless times in the past. It seemed to be the only thing that could put out your cocky attitude.

“Don’t be stupid.” You managed to answer, running away from his eyes. 

You heard him sigh “I finished early, I arrived last night.” He answered the question, reaching his hand under the counter to pinch your thigh, as if that could shake off your bad attitude, plot twist: it only made it worse. “That’s what I was talking about with your mom, I left Simon behind while he was still dealing with exams.”

“Such a good friend.” You joked. 

“Maybe… But hey, he’s the one who ditched me for a girl after all.”

“Well, if it’s a pretty girl you can’t blame him so much.” 

“If you say so…” He hissed, rolling his eyes “What about you, huh?” He changed the topic “What are you doing here two weeks early?”

“You see, this is my house.” You quickly replied, putting the first tangerine segment between your lips to avoid saying the truth. He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.

Of course there was a coherent reason for why you weren’t in school right now, but since you arrived you couldn’t seem to quit the bad attitude, especially in the mornings, it was driving you crazy. 

“You shouldn’t ask, dear.” Your mom intervened, turning around to wash her mug previously filled with coffee  “Sensitive topic.”

Yoongi’s eyes shifted to you again, as well as his whole body, curiously raising his eyebrows. 

“Sensitive topic.” You mocked your mother, annoyed that she used such words. She was quick to disappear from the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone. You wondered if she was already tired of hearing you whine. 

“Don’t think I won’t ask you about it.” He smirked, stealing a segment of your tangerine just to annoy you. 

Oh, you were sure he would want all the details. 

“Whatever.” You gritted your teeth. “You only came to see Lila? I bet she would love to switch you with me.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Yoongi smugly said, ignoring the sudden annoyed look on your face, he was too used to it to be bothered by it. “But as much as I love your mom, I came to see you.”

You blinked, not sure what to say next. Now your angry expression turned into a surprised one, cursing yourself for feeling excited to hear that. You knew Yoongi finished early and was coming back home, you asked your brother about it last time he called you, you were just playing dumb when you asked, but when Simon told you he was going to be in town you didn’t expect to see him in your house the next day he arrived. 

“Me?” You tried to confirm.

“Yeah, you.” He said, booping the tip of your nose “Simon told me you’ve been having trouble with your car, I thought I could help.”

You nodded, that made more sense than him just coming to see you. 

“Simon is such a snitch.” You murmured.

“I can’t deny that…” He laughed, looking at you tearing apart your tangerine and putting another segment between your lips, “Do you… want me to help?” 

“Maybe…” You murmured “Do I have to pay you?”

“Maybe…” Yoongi answered, imitating your tone “Or you can just tell me why you are here before the break, I don’t know.”

You squinted at him, knowing it was just a matter of time until everybody found out you dropped out of college, but there was certain relief in delivering the news to Yoongi, something inside you told you he would understand.

“Bold of you to blackmail me when I know you won’t fix my car properly.” You accused him, mentioning that time he tried to fix your brand new car when something happened to it and you had to take it to his uncle’s garage when he made it worse. 

“C’mon, that was only once.”

“Let’s not make it twice, then.” You clapped your hands, getting off the stool to walk towards the stairs to your room again “Let me change first. And don’t try to seduce my mom while I’m gone, it won’t work.”

You heard his laugh from behind, and even if you thought about it, you didn’t dare to look back.

Not even five minutes later, you found yourself with him in your cold garage under the dim old light that provided you the tiny room. You supposed it was easier to open the garage door but you didn’t want your fingers to be frozen. 

You sat on the old desk in the corner of your garage as you watched Yoongi open the hood of your car, trying not to stare when pulled the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows. 

He was wearing a beige sweater that tightened around his shoulders and his waist, Simon told you that he and Yoongi started going to gym lately and you could tell, his back was wider than you remember and you hated how different he looked from the last time you saw him. 

You hated to think there were people who saw him everyday and couldn’t tell the difference. 

You looked at your feet hanging in the air, hearing him suck his breath just to let you know he was just about to start throwing questions at you. 

“So?” He asked, persistent as always. 

“So what?” You played dumb. 

“So?” He emphasized, not willing to give up. 

So? You didn’t know how to start. Serious talks weren’t your thing, and even if you knew that Yoongi wasn’t expecting that from you, you still felt a rush of nervousness when the absence of his voice filled the room, your cue to start talking. 

“Mmm… It’s difficult to explain.” You trailed off. “I’m starting to think that I might be the black sheep of the family.” 

Your words made him turn his head at you, curious to hear more. 

“The black sheep?” He repeated. 

“Yeah, I think so.” You confirmed, without saying anything else.

“Fine…” Yoongi scratched the back of his head, a bit confused, something that was normal when he was with you.  “You’re not giving me a lot of context.” 

You knew this, but making a joke was easier than telling the whole truth. You wished you could tell him jokes until he forgot what your mother told him. But no, your mother already opened her mouth and now you had to explain your life crisis to the man in front of you. 

 “Let’s just say.. I dropped out of the semester…” You mumbled, unsure of your own voice “but I’m thinking that it is not just the semester, maybe it’s the whole thing.”

Yoongi turned his whole body to you, paying full attention to your words “Really?” He asked, just in case you were joking, but by the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice he could tell that you weren’t playing. You just nodded “Why, though?”

“That’s something I’ve been asking myself.”

“You don’t know?” He chuckled, making you roll your eyes. 

“Maybe I don’t know.” You tried to admit, but that was a lie. 

“Mmm, but I think you do know, though.” He contradicted you, turning around to keep checking your car. 

“Well, kind of… Do you want me to tell you half of the truth or a lie?” You offered him, leaving him without many options. 

 “Well, you are not very democratic, Pinky.” He scoffed, using the not-so-funny nickname he’s been calling you ever since you were kids. Only Yoongi could still be calling you like some character from an old cartoon that aired twenty years ago. “But I choose the half truth.” 

“Wise decision, as always.” You commented, clicking your tongue. “The half truth is… that being a nurse is not my thing, I don’t want to be that predictable, being the bitch in highschool that ended up being a nurse. At least I want to be the bitch in high school who ended up being something else. And I was not happy at college, not even a bit. I don’t think that’s who I am” 

Yoongi frowned, trying to process all the words you just vomited. If that was half the truth, what was the whole truth? 

“Wait, wait. Let’s go for parts.” He stopped you. “So, now you were a bitch in high school?” 

“You know I was.” You said, rolling your eyes.

Bitch was a strong word to call yourself, but to be fair you weren't being the nicest with yourself these past weeks. You stared at him, waiting for him to admit that yes, you were a bitch when you were seventeen years old, but that would be a lie. Yoongi would never have called you a bitch, you did have an attitude, you weren’t the friendliest in the mornings, you weren’t friends with everyone, you treated boys like shit, but you weren’t a bitch to him. 

“Isn’t that too… harsh?” He asked softly. 

“Isn’t it the truth?” You kept pushing it, but you were crazy if you think he’s going to agree with you. 

Yoongi shook his head, taking a long step to break the small distance that was between the two of you so he could be in front of you. As a gentle gesture, he put his cold hands on your knees, it was not an unusual gesture, but it had been so long since you had him that close that you couldn’t help but shiver. “I know you don’t like me getting all sappy, but I hope you know that only you get to decide who you are, and if you don’t think that is a nurse, then it’s not.” He rubbed his palms on your clothed skin, searching for his last words. “But, I must say, I don’t think a bitch is who you are either.” 

The cold room suddenly turned warm under his gaze, catching you with your guard down once again. You hated when he turned conversations into something like this, and worse, you hated when you bumped into the ugly reality that surrounded you when his eyes stopped looking at yours. This was not easier than last year, you wondered if it will ever be easy. 

“Well, the boys in my class might disagree.” You said, looking straight into his eyes. 

He laughed. “Well boys at that age are dumb.”

“Boys are always dumb.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Even me?” He asked, batting his eyelashes at you like he was a little girl. 

“Especially you, I bet you don’t know what the hell are you doing right now with my car.” 

Yoongi reached out to try to pinch your knees, but you escaped from his fingers. “God, you’re so mean.” He complained 

“So mean?” You questioned, moving closer to him and pretending to be annoyed.

“Yeah, so mean” He repeated “But not a bitch.” 

You rolled your eyes, watching him turn around again to come back to your car. You can’t help but feel disappointed when he moved away. “So… If you are not a nurse, what are you?” 

You tilted your head, thinking about it. What were you? Well, in your room you were a dancer and in your dreams a mermaid, but in reality you were too embarrassed and too afraid, too insecure to admit what “you were”.

“I don’t know.” You hesitated to answer. You loved Yoongi, in more ways that you could ever allow yourself to love him, but you could not tell him all your dreams just like that. 

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” He sang, mocking you, but from your position you could only resist pushing him into your car. “You don’t have to say it, I already know.” 

You quirked an eyebrow, curious. “Do you?” A smirk appeared on your face, but he couldn’t see it, he was still working on God knows what. 

“Kind of…” He laughed “I don’t know exactly, but I do know that you are too bright to just be a nurse, with all due respect to the nurses, of course.”

You stared at his back until he turned his head to find your eyes, offering you a soft smile. You mentally cursed him, if he hadn’t turned around you could blush like a teenager without care, but now your cheeks were red and your heart was jumping, the only thing you could hope for was that he couldn’t hear it from where he was standing.

“That isn’t very respectful to nurses.” You simply said, and he shook his head, laughing. 

“Maybe, but I still stand by what I said.” 

“Well, whatever I might be,” You started saying, trying to keep talking with all your feelings still swirling around inside your chest, “I still don’t want to disappoint any more people by making the wrong decision and coming back to live with my mom in six months.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh, not because he was mocking you, but because he couldn’t believe how you couldn’t be at least a little positive, how you were only twenty one and you felt like there was no turning back. 

“Who don't you want to disappoint?” He chuckled, “I really thought you didn’t care about that stuff.”

“I thought so too!” You exclaimed, just as surprised as him. “But I already disappointed my mom, Simon will be disappointed too when he finds out, I’m sure.” 

“God, you’re so wrong, I don’t even know who I’m talking to right now.” He tried to joke, but the feeling of emptiness that had been living in your stomach for the past months didn’t go away just like that. “Do you really think that about your mom?”

“I don’t know!” You said, throwing your arms in the air to be just a little more dramatic that you were already being “But when I told her she made that face that she does when she’s annoyed or upset, now she wants to talk to me about the future every time we sit down to eat, she looks at me like that all the time, like she’s mad with me or something.”

For the past few days you tried to understand your mom, but you failed when you tried to understand yourself. After Simon followed Yoongi to law school, your mom expected you to do something similar, and when you decided to be a nurse she was content enough, both of her kids were off to college now, nothing could go wrong. 

Your mom always bragged that she knew you like the palm of her hand, the only conclusion she could reach when you appeared at your house with the news was that you were never happy with what you had, you always had to have something else, something you couldn’t have. And even if you were about to be mature enough to admit she was right, you knew she wasn’t completely. Yes, you were a brat, but you felt in your heart this time was different. 

 “C’mon, Pinky. I don’t think your mom is disappointed, I’m sure she is just confused. You were two years into college, she must think this came out of nowhere, she’ll have time to understand that it didn’t.” He turned around a pointed a tool hanging on the wall, you didn’t knew the name of it, or what the fuck he was doing with your car, but you handed it to him anyway. “And, she’ll have even more time to understand that you’re not Simon and that her children are two completely different people.”

“Do you think?” You murmured.

“Yes, dummy. And you’re crazy if you think your brother would ever be disappointed in you for something like that, he is the first person that supports you no matter what, he’ll understand that dropping out of college is not the end of the world.” 

You stayed in silence, not daring to say a single word after what he said. You wanted to say that you were tired of all of that, how predictable Yoongi was, how terribly annoying it was for him to always be right. How was it that he always knew what to say? Was it so hard for him to be wrong at least once so you could argue with him? So you could correct him and tell him that he was saying nonsense? Yes, it was. You just rolled your eyes, even if he wasn’t watching you. 

“You’re insufferable.” You said, when what you really wanted to say was just “thank you”, but he understood. 

“Maybe I am.” He laughed, “But at least I’m not the one trying to find excuses to be miserable.” 

You watched him put the tools aside and closed the hood of your car, but you were too focused on something else to ask if your car was okay or not. He grabbed a piece of cloth lying next to you and wiped his hands, “What about my grandma?”  You wondered out loud, like he knew what to do about that as well. 

“You’re seriously not thinking about your grandma right now.”  He leaned over your car, with his arms crossed over his chest while shaking his head disapprovingly. If it was any other guy doing that, you would have told him to get the fuck away from your car, but Yoongi still had his sleeves rolled up, which made you think it was okay for now.

“But I am.” You answered “I can already picture her face when she finds out, I can already hear the comments of her neighbor’s daughter, how she’s on her fourth year of medicine and I’m going back to square one again or some shit like that. The worst thing is that Simon is not here, so I’ll have to endure all of that alone.” 

Yoongi was run by logic most of the time, so it was hard for him to understand how fast your imagination flew, but he knew that was part of your very theatrical self. It wouldn’t hurt him to become a little more like you, maybe being a rational person made him more intelligent, but sometimes made him more of a fool. 

“And since when do you care what your grandma thinks?” He laughed, “She will always have something to complain about, to impress her you would have to be born again, but this time blonde and with blue eyes. Do I need to remind you again, that woman doesn’t have a loving bone in her body?”

“God, stop.” You sighed, fully knowing he was right. 

“You stop.” He laughed, “Stop trying to make everyone happy but yourself.” 

“Well, maybe that’s the hardest thing to do.” You murmured. 

“Getting your shit together is the hardest thing to do, but I’m sure you’ll get there.” 

Believing Yoongi surely is not the hardest thing to do for you, but when it comes to believing in yourself is a whole different thing. 

“Says the man who always has his shit together.” You snorted “Difficult to believe you.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, moving from your car to sit next to you on top of the uncomfortable desk “That’s not true.” He tried to deny it.

“Yeah, sure.” You bumped his shoulder “Name one time you couldn’t balance your personal life with your academic life.”

Yoongi straightened his back, crossing his arms over his chest and pretending to think about it.

“Mmm… Right now?” He murmured.

“Right now?” You repeated, raising your eyebrows in disbelief.

“Yeah, look at me.” He pointed at himself. “I don’t think I have a personal life at this point, all I could think about was finishing early to come home to my mom so I could take care of her, and guess what?”

“What?” You asked, curiously. 

“She told me she already planned a trip with my aunt for both Christmas and new years. She ditched me, and now? I’m alone, I’m starting to think my personal life was just my mom.”

You covered your mouth, not being able to hold yourself back before bursting in laughter. “She ditched you?” You laughed, but he nodded, annoyed that you’re laughing at him. “Oh my God, she got rid of you.”

“She got rid of me.” He affirmed. 

“Lucky her, honestly.” You teased him “Isn’t that proof enough that you have to relax with her? You’re in college worrying about her health and she’s here organizing trips with her sister.”

Yoongi shook his head, still in denial, “Maybe, but she can’t do things like this without letting me know first.” 

“Why not?” You scoffed “She’s an adult, isn’t she?”

“She’s an adult, but I’m her son.” He huffed “And that’s all I’ve ever known to do, care for her.”

“Well, you can take care of her at the same time you take care of yourself.” You reminded him “I’m sure that’s what your mom wants as well, she would be pissed to know you’re forgetting about your own life being busy worrying about her.”

Yoongi knew you were right, he knew that more than anyone but still couldn’t help but worry about his mom. She had her siblings, who always knew how to take care of her, but he always felt like it was his responsibility as her son to do it, no one could take that thought off his mind. The only reason he brought it up was because you asked, but it was not a thing he wanted to discuss right now, he could put his social life on pause if that meant his mom was going to be okay. 

He turned his head at you, offering you an amused grin as he ruffled your hair with his hand, willing to change the topic. “Why are you scolding me? I’m supposed to scold you.”

You pushed his hand off you, “I don’t need you to scold me, I have enough with my mom.” You sighed “Besides, if it were a competition, I would win. At least you have a future, I’m more fucked than you.”

“No, yeah. I’m sure of that.” He teased you back “You just have to make up your mind, I know it’s a mess inside there but I believe you can do it.”

“I hope so.” You said, and this time your words are sincere. “But for now the plan is to survive the holidays, then I can get my shit together.” 

Yoongi laughed, sitting next to you on top of the uncomfortable desk. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” He agreed.  “And you know, about christmas…”

“What about christmas?” You asked, at the risk of looking so visibly lost in his eyes. 

“I was thinking… Since I don’t have any plans for Christmas…” He hesitated to say, lengthening the syllables of his words. “I was thinking… If you want to, I can go with you in place of your brother. You know, so you won’t be alone.”

The offering took you off guard, among all the things Yoongi could tell you, (the realistic ones, not the ones that only happened in your dreams) that was the most surprising. You had spent Christmas with Yoongi in the past, but your heart jumped at the thought of him spending Christmas with you, and not with your brother. Was he serious?

“Really?” You asked, afraid that he could see the excitement in your eyes  “Would you do that?”

“Of course.” He smiled, “We can talk shit about your grandma together.” 

You can hardly hide the smile on your face, you have to suppress the immense urge you have to hug him. “In that case, I would love it if you come.” You dared to admit “I mean, you owe me that for fucking up my car again.” You pointed at your car, already knowing that he couldn’t fix it. 

He closed his eyes shut, throwing his head back “God, I’m sorry.”

Present

You had been wishing to sleep in your childhood bedroom for the past two months. You had been wishing to lay under the baby blue covers, have your mom kiss you goodnight and sleep a nap long enough to heal your heart. 

You had been feeling like you were thirteen again for the whole year, thirteen and completely clueless, thirteen and scared, running home because you just saw your brother’s best friend kissing a girl at the bus stop, hiding under the covers and trying to forget that you were thirteen and there was no way he could ever see you the same way as that girl. 

The last time that you visited your mom’s house was a year ago. You texted her every week, sent her and your brother gifts and tickets so they could see you in the current play you were in, but visiting her house was harder than it looked for you. You managed to come once every few years for thanksgiving, telling your mom that you were busy and that theater life was like that, but the truth was that after so many years you still couldn’t find the courage to spend more than two days in the town you grew up in, not after everything, not after Yoongi. 

After so long, you were back where you started, running home after hitting a wall. The life you built with your own hands, the life that was supposed to be your dream turned out to be a lie, the boyfriend of three years you thought you loved was now gone, and the only person who ended up breaking your heart was yourself. 

When was the moment you stopped calling you brother every three days? Or when you stopped showing up at every birthday? When was the moment you got so far from the person you used to be? You weren’t thirteen anymore, you were twenty five and just now you realized that no matter how many shiny people you have around, you are still alone and far from home. 

Now you were headed home, with a bag full of clothes in the trunk of your car, prepared to install yourself in your mom’s house for the rest of the winter, determined to get your shit together, just like you thought you did a few years ago. Oh, how you wished you didn’t have to do this, how you wished you weren’t a complete mess. You wished you could enter your mother’s home and ignore the fact that you didn’t remember when was the last time you told her I love you, but to be fair with yourself, you didn’t remember the last time someone told you I love you either. 

Your mom knew you were coming, she was the first one who knew about your break up with Ian, your boyfriend, so she was assuming that you were sad and heart broken, and even if that was true, it wasn’t because of the break up, you were the one who left him. 

You didn’t know why, but you assumed that Ian understood what your relationship was, a sad pact that benefited both of your acting careers, a good image for the media, both of the most successful young actors being allegedly in love, and for you, just an arrangement to avoid being alone. How surprised you were when he got down on one knee and proposed, with his mom’s ring on one hand and a bunch of your so-called friends hiding in the distance, preparing to celebrate when you were supposed to say ‘yes’. He had a smile on his face, convinced that wasn’t the worst idea that ever crossed his mind. You thought it was clear that you never wanted to marry him, you believed you found someone who loved you enough not to leave you alone but not enough to marry you. God, you sounded crazy, but that was what you became, a superficial celebrity whose whole life was calculated enough so people thought it was perfect.

You felt like shit when you had to say no to Ian, but you had no other option. Everything was so fake it made you want to throw up, and on top of that, he was the asshole who didn’t even bother to invite your family to, what was supposed to be, your engagement party. If you were to say yes, where was your mom to hug you? Or to tell you that you were being mental for marrying someone you didn’t love? That was the moment when you knew you were about to lose it, that’s when you knew that if you stayed there you would’ve lost your mind, and you were so close to doing it, the only thing that finally woke you up was a marriage proposal. 

You turned right, immediately recognizing you were close to home. You had to start doing things right, but where do you begin?

Four years ago

When you arrived home, the realization that almost every person in your life had found someone except you hit you. It started when your best friend, Emma, finally got a girlfriend last summer, then it followed with your brother spending the holidays with his new girlfriend, and now, to your complete surprise, you had to find out that even your mother was seeing someone for the first time in years. 

Yes, at first you thought it was going be to weird to see your mother leaving you every afternoon to have dinner with her new boyfriend, -whom she refused to present to you just yet-, but after the first week of cooking for yourself to sit in the kitchen island and eating while watching a random youtube video, you realized it was not weird, but it was making you feel extremely lonely. Love seemed to be everywhere around you, but not for you.

That afternoon you helped her do the groceries, but she had already warned you that, once again, you were going to have to cook for yourself since she was not going to be around tonight. 

All your friends from home were still away and they weren’t coming back for another two weeks, so you were almost completely alone in your hometown. And without you wanting it, only one particular name swirled in your mind, wondering if he was as lonely as you were, which he probably was, but you didn’t want any part of it. You were still trying not to look around too much in the grocery line hoping to see a familiar face, forcing yourself not to look up when you knew you were passing his street. You promised that you weren’t going to wait to see him again, as if that way you could prove something to yourself.  

You expected Yoongi to disappear only to see him again the day before Christmas, you were sure he wasn’t going to appear at your doorstep like that morning, it wasn’t going to happen, you convinced yourself of it. Because of that, on the way home when you were riding in your mom’s car as you came back from the store, you thought that maybe you were just hallucinating when you saw him waiting in your driveway.  

Your mom got down from the car first, you watched her giving him a hug and then observed them talking, you were sure he was going to offer to help with the bags and you were sure your mom was going to smile and accept his help. Your mom loved Yoongi, and Yoongi loved your mom, you could see it. When Yoongi was a kid and his mother had to spend long days at the hospital your mom always opened the doors of your house so he wouldn’t be alone. Like you, Yoongi grew up without a dad, so his mom was lucky to have your mom to look out for him when she wasn’t around. 

You mustered courage and got down, surrounding the car to get to the trunk where the bags were and finding him with his arms already busy. 

“Hi, Pinky.” He let out and in the cold you could see his breath. His nose was red and his eyes crystallized from the weather. 

You barely got to open your mouth to greet him before your mom spoke. “Yoongi was looking for you.” She told you as she headed to the porch.

“Really?” You wanted to know, just in case your mom was lying, for some reason.

“Yeah, really.” He answered, watching you grab the last two bags and closing the trunk of the car. “Do you have any plans tonight?” 

Your heels suddenly dug into the ground, making you stop dead to check if you heard that right. Yoongi didn’t notice, he started to walk backwards, heading towards the door as he looked at you and invited you to follow him. You took the first step, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to react. Did you have any plans tonight? For a second your mind went blank, completely forgetting you had a date with Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn at nine pm. 

You avoid his gaze, trying to come up with an answer. “Do you have any friends?” You asked. Classic you, insulting him in case he noticed your face was two seconds away from burning red. You heard your mom grunt as she entered through the door, but Yoongi just laughed. 

“Do you?” He attacked back, smirking “Going to the store with your mom on a friday night, I thought you were popular in high school.” 

“I was not, you must have confused me with my brother, we have the same nose.” You scoffed, walking with him to your house “And I do have friends, they’re just not around.” 

“So you don’t have plans.” Yoongi confirmed for himself, letting you enter through the door first. 

“No, not really.” You admitted, leading him to the kitchen to leave the bags on the counter. “Why? Did you want to take me out?”

The question was intended to come out as a joke, but it burned on your tongue. You often tortured yourself with those kinds of comments, but his answer was worse than any kind of cruel joke you could’ve made to yourself.

“Yes.” He said, leaving his bags next to yours. “That’s what I was thinking before you made fun of me for not having friends.”

You stayed quiet, pretending to look for something in the bags, pretending you weren’t screaming in your mind. Why on earth was he here? Why was he torturing you this way? You were enough of a mess, the last thing you needed was this, bringing you more torment than you already had. 

You sighed, quickly coming up with another answer “Sorry I can’t retract myself.” You said. “But what were you thinking that was so important for you to come to my house instead of texting?”

“I was afraid that if I texted you would’ve said no.” He admitted.

You arched an eyebrow “Why?” You questioned. 

“Because… I saw that the theater is doing a Christmas special, and they’re showing Home Alone tonight.” 

“Which theater?” You asked, but you were fully aware which one was. 

“You know, the one near the park with the weird fountains.” He said, confirming what you were thinking. 

You wondered what to say next. There you had Yoongi, inviting you to watch a movie with him, ‒your favorite movie to be more specific‒ but at the place you used to secretly go to theater classes when you were thirteen until you finished highschool. You knew the place had those kinds of events where they showed old movies following a theme, as Christmas approached they never failed to show Home Alone as many times as they could. 

Would it be so bad for him to find out that you used to be obsessed, maybe still were, with musicals? You never told him about that, let alone about the classes, that was something you used to keep to yourself and no one else, so going out with him meant to out yourself to him. It was inevitable for people to recognize you there, you knew a lot of your friends from back then were still very attached to the place, unlike you, who decided to leave everything behind once you left for college to be someone you didn’t want to be. 

“I don’t know, I allow myself to watch Home Alone only once a year.” You tried to excuse yourself.

“I know that, that’s why I came here instead of texting” He said, “But I’ve come up with a solution, I tell you this, we can go and watch Home Alone tonight, and on Christmas we watch Home Alone 2.” He offered, but you felt offended he even dared to mention Home Alone 2. 

“I don’t like Home Alone 2.” You reminded him. “I think it’s un-”

“Unrealistic that they lose Kevin twice, yeah, yeah, I know!” He interrupted you, stealing the words from your mouth. “But I like Home Alone 2, I think it’s still a good Christmas movie.” You stared at him with narrowed eyes, pretending to think about it, as if your heart was strong enough to even try to say no to him, even if that meant you had to go back to the place where you used to be a completely different person from who you were in school, and most importantly, even if that meant you would have to watch Home Alone 2. It was painful to admit that you already knew your answer when you saw him in your driveway. “Don’t be boring, Pinky. I’ve already got tickets.”

Just for a moment, while the dim lights of your kitchen lighted up his eyes as they begged you to go with him, you wished you had plans that evening already. You took a second to imagine a scenario where you told him that you weren’t free that night, that someone was going to pick you up later. You tried to imagine his face when you told him that you were in fact going out on a date with some other dude and pictured him heartbroken because you rejected him. But of course that wasn’t the case, your friends from college used to joke around and say that men ran away from you and only the brave ones were capable of asking you out, there was no way you were going out with someone who knew you in high school. And even if that were true, you lived in a reality where Yoongi wouldn’t flinch if you told him you were going out with someone else, a reality where you could never reject him. There was a part of you who enjoyed the pain of coming back to him, of being around him and living with the knowledge that at some point you'll have to get over him.

“Fine.” You finally gave in “I guess I could watch Home Alone 2 on Christmas” 

He smiled victoriously, raising his fists in the air like he won some trophy.

You didn’t know what was worse, whether to have him around or not see him at all, you knew that the safest option was not seeing him, but your poor heart didn’t seem to understand that it was for the best. 

Present

When you parked your car, you realized you didn’t have the keys to your house anymore. You were sure they were somewhere in your apartment back in the city, but even if you had remembered to look for them, you wouldn’t have found them, you had no idea where they were. It has been a long time since you thought about putting foot in your home, your real home, not the one back in the city, with countless empty rooms you had never used. They keys to your home, where were they? You bitterly laughed as you walked towards the porch, with your bags in your hands and your heart on your sleeve, that was how disconnected to the place where you grew up in you were. 

The little pumpkins your mom put on the porch reminded you that the last time you were home was also october. The play you were in last fall was just about to end and you visited home for a weekend just to ask your mom to go and see you for your final performance. You remembered how angry you felt when she told you she and Phil, her boyfriend, had already planned a trip to Scotland for that same weekend. It took you a whole year ‒or even more‒ to realize that while you were busy living your life, your family was doing the same thing, you disappeared for months and they had no other choice but to keep going without you. 

You stood in front of the big wood door for a few seconds, feeling like some prodigal daughter, until you decided to finally ring the bell. 

As soon as your mom opened the door and you caught the surprised look on her face, you knew you weren’t supposed to be there, at least not yet. 

“Darling! What…?” She breathed out as if she had seen a ghost, but to be fair you weren't far from looking like one, you didn’t remember the last time you had a proper sleep. “What are you doing here?”

You shrugged, not knowing if she was joking “I called you on the phone last month, don’t you remember?” You asked. The surprise on your mom’s face morphed into confusion, and for some reason it made your chest hurt a little. 

“You told me you were coming Friday the 5th.” She said, but she didn’t move from the door, as if you were about to turn around, leave and come back for the date she thought you were coming.

“That’s… today.” You reminded her.

She frowned, raising her left arm to check the apple watch on her wrist, the one you gave her as a present for mother’s day a few months ago, immediately realizing that you were right. “God, where’s my mind?” She exclaimed, cleaning her hands on the apron she was wearing to grab one of your bags from your hand, finally leaning back to let you in. “Sorry darling, I don’t know what I was thinking when you called me.” 

“It’s okay.” You said, more to yourself than to her, closing the door behind you “These days my mind is nowhere near, either.”

“No, it’s not okay. I can’t believe it flew over my head like that.” She kept complaining, taking off your coat for you to hang it on the coat rack “Do you have any more bags?”

You nodded “In the car.” 

“Okay, let’s go grab them later.” She said, turning around to head towards the kitchen with a quick pace. “Follow me darling, I’m about to finish cooking, you arrived just in time for lunch.” 

Well, your mom always seemed to be in a hurry, she was like every other mom after all, but today she looked more rushed than usual, making you wonder if your arrival was that unexpected, did you suddenly ruin her Friday just by appearing at her doorstep? The answer wasn’t clear to you, when she turned around you lost the chance to say that she shouldn’t worry since you were planning to spend the whole weekend in your room.. Now you were just trying not to look disappointed when she didn’t give you a hug as she disappeared into the kitchen.

You followed her, taking off your converse and throwing them somewhere in the hall. Your mom had enough energy for you both, it was like she forgot that you had been driving all morning to get there, maybe she thought you arrived on a jet, you didn’t know. You thought your tired face was sign enough that all you needed was a hot shower and a long nap. 

“What am I gonna do?” She murmured to herself, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that you were there earlier. “Your room isn’t ready yet!” 

You scowled, sitting on one of the kitchen stools. “What do you mean my room isn’t ready?” 

“We’ve been using it as a storage room lately, until Phil adjusts himself.” She told you, but you didn’t understand a word she said. Storage room? Why was your mom’s boyfriend using your bedroom as a storage room? 

“Mom, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m sure I told you!” 

You shook your head “Tell me what?”

She tilted her head with her mouth hanging open. You visibly saw her trying to remember something, filling the room with silence. Then, it hit her, her silence suddenly broke into laughter, she realized that, whatever was she was talking about, she didn’t tell you, you just didn’t know what. “Darling, Phil moved in september, how come we didn’t talk about this?” She let out, wondering out loud. “We are still getting the hang of it, he still has a lot of boxes, we decided to put it in your room for now.” She explained, like it was nothing, but you knew it wasn’t. It took her a long time before she introduced you to Phil, she always made it clear to him that her priority was her kids, so it was a big step for her to let Phil move in. 

You shook your head, immediately avoiding her gaze when you felt a sudden rush of guilt washing over your body when you tried to remember when was the last time you spoke with your mom on the phone apart from last month, when you told her you were coming today. 

“Oh, mom, I had no idea.” You said as if you were apologizing, you kinda were. “I’m gonna start looking for somewhere else to crash, I still don’t know for how long I’m staying.” 

She waved her hands, rushing to interrupt you “My God, sweetie, no! You know you can stay here for as long as you want, this is your house!” She said, but you struggled to believe her “But I really thought you were coming next Friday! When was your last show?”

God, the last thing you wanted to think about now was work.

“Just last week.” You replied, hoping that she wouldn't want to comment too much about it. 

“How was it?” She continued to ask, going against your wishes.

Terrible, you wanted to say, you couldn’t wait to get off the stage. You did your job and you left, all your partners begged you to stay for the after party but you were exhausted, you left as soon as you could. That was supposed to be an important moment for you, the wrap up of your first main role, a clear achievement of your short career. After you did the first show of the season you went to bed wishing it could last forever, but last week you were just relieved that it finally ended. 

You wouldn’t tell that to your mom, you didn’t want to worry her, so you just told her a little white lie. 

“Oh, it was great.” You smiled, hoping that in that way it would be more believable. “I had a great time, but I needed to come back home for a while.”

“Well, you worked hard, now you deserve to rest” She said “And besides that… how have you been, huh?” She asked with a soft voice, making you raise your gaze to find her warm eyes and a warm smile. You failed to remember that you couldn’t lie to your mom, she always saw through you, and to be honest she would be a fool not to notice the tired look on your face. It bothered you just a bit that the main reason why she was asking about it was because of the breakup.

“Why, because of Ian?” You asked. 

“No just because of him, just… how have you been about everything?” 

“Well, fine, I think so.” You kept lying “Me and him… I don’t know, I don’t think I felt the same way about him anymore, I had to end it, I’m sure he deserves someone who feels the same, right?”

She hummed, not really convinced. “You deserve someone like that, too, don’t you think?” 

“Maybe.” You sighed “But that topic gives me headaches.” 

Your mother snorted, “Well, don’t expect me to be satisfied with that answer, after you take a nap I’m gonna ask you all about that.” 

“How nosy.” You chuckled. “You just want to talk shit about your ex son in law.”

“Of course, don’t act like you don’t want to do that too, I know you too well.” You rolled your eyes, but of course she was right. “Anyway, since I thought you were coming next week I planned a dinner for tonight with everyone, they’ll be so happy to see you, but you know, I understand if you want to skip it with everything that’s happening, I’m sure no one will ask about it, but still. You came here to be alone so I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed around a lot of people.”

“Ask about what? The news isn’t out yet” You asked, confused. 

Your mom turned around again, looking as confused as you. “Haven’t you checked your phone today?” She asked cautiously.

“No, it died a few hours ago. I haven't had the chance to charge it in the car.” Your words made her confused expression fade into a concerned one.

“Darling, you might want to check it now.” She pointed to the charger that was connected next to the fridge. The look on her face could only mean that something wasn’t okay.

You slowly got off the stool, heading towards the other side of the room as you took your phone from your pocket to connect it to the charger. You knew it was just a matter of time until people found out that you and Ian broke up, but you thought the news would’ve be handled the same way as always, a statement from both you, the only reason why you didn’t do it yet was because you and Ian weren’t talking since the proposal happened. 

When your phone finally turned on, a rush of anxiety ran down your body when a thousand notifications began to appear on the screen, including fifty missed calls from both your manager and publicist, you had a feeling that maybe the situation was worse than you thought. “What the fuck happened?” You murmured to yourself, looking at your mother in search for answers. “Did Sally call you?” You asked her, fully knowing that Sally, your manager, had strict orders not to bother anyone in your family with calls about anything related to work. 

The room suddenly fell in silence, your mom hesitated to answer, you knew she didn’t want to be the one to give you bad news.

“No, but a friend of mine sent me an article.” She explained, her voice suddenly sounding small. “I didn’t read it, you know, I didn’t even open it, I don’t like gossip.”

Your mind tried to put two and two together; missed calls from your manager, an article about you, gossip, that didn’t sound fucking right. 

“Fuck, I have to call her.” You gritted your teeth, wasting no time marking her number. You felt your head swirling just by imagining the sound of her voice yelling at you for not answering her calls. 

Less than five seconds later, like she was waiting by the phone, she picked up. “Fucking finally.” Was the first thing you heard, “Where the fuck were you?”

The irritated tone on her voice took you by surprise, making you jump in you place “Driving, for four fucking hours.” You rushed to say “My phone was dead, what is going on?” 

You heard her inhale, trying to keep her calm “Every single person in the world is trying to reach me right now except you. It’s a mess.”

“What?” You try not to yell “I just got home, I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Honey, it got leaked, has no one told you yet?”

Then, a beat of silence. The stress on her voice is enough to make you believe her, you didn’t have to think twice. Of course something like this was going to happen to you, you couldn’t run away from the city and pretend everything behind was going to stay as it was, your life from six hours ago was still there, and it was still a fucking mess.  

“What part?” Was the only thing you could say. You felt yourself entering a cloud of uncertainty, your fist clenched on your lap and while you listened to her sighing, preparing you for the answer, you held your breath as if that way you could stop time.

“Everything.” She spat. “Listen, I didn’t want to freak you out with this, I tried to keep this situation on the low but it happened anyway. The story’s out, pictures are out, every fucking thing is out.”

You suddenly tense, feeling your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach

“What? What do you-?” You stuttered. 

“I know you didn’t want anyone to find out about the proposal but it's the main headline, sweetie.”

Sally is not someone who’s known for sugarcoating her words, she was straightforward and didn’t mind being the person who delivered bad news, but today you could tell she was especially stressed, you were sure she was trying to handle this issue alone with you being gone for hours. 

“Fuck.” You hissed “What about him, have you called his manager?”

“Of course I called his manager, but all of a sudden that prick doesn’t want to collaborate with me on this, apparently Ian doesn’t fucking care, how about that?”

“How come he doesn’t care?” You asked exasperatedly.

“That’s the idea that I got when his manager told me to manage this issue myself.” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath as you took a moment to think about it. You knew Ian well enough, but you always held onto a kind version of him, the version of him who made you stay for so long, the version of him you chose to remember so your memories weren't all bad, but that version made you felt guilty for the question that was rotting on your mouth, waiting to be spat. 

“Do you think it was him?” You asked her, but her bitter laugh on the other line made you realize it wasn’t a difficult question to answer. 

“I mean, would that be so crazy?” She said “You and I are pretty sure who called the people to take those pictures. He's not happy, honey, to him this is just payback for what you did.”

That word echoed in your mind for longer than you would’ve wanted to, was that the way he decided to put this to an end? Payback? 

Four weeks ago, you thought that was it. When you were at the backyard of the house of Ian’s grandparents and you saw him on his knees, asking you to marry him, you thought that was the moment when every bad decision you ever made caught up to you, when everything exploded in your face. Now you realized it didn’t end there, everything you’ve done still has consequences.

You closed your eyes, trying to ignore your mom’s eyes in the back of your neck. You left the room, coming back to the hall so you could be alone. You couldn’t just hang the phone and pretend none of that happened, as tempting as it sounded, you had to take care of it. “Okay, now what? Can you clean it?” 

“I’ve been trying, but it can’t disappear, you know? It’s been up for a few hours.” She replied. 

You nodded, as if she could see you “Okay, listen, it doesn’t matter. I can’t deal with this right now, I don’t care where it came from, I don’t care how the pictures look, what people are saying, I don’t want to know any of it. If people saw it, I don’t give a fuck, it’s me who doesn’t want to see it.” You firmly said “If the story’s out, fine, but I don’t want any major media posting the pictures, can you do that?” 

You heard her humming “Mmm, are you sure you want to handle it in that way? No statement to the media? No post on instagram? Just radio silence?”

The thought of making a statement about your relationship in public made you want to throw up, “Are you kidding?” You laughed “There’s no way I’m making a statement about this if you can’t even get Ian’s manager on the phone for him to do the same. If I say anything about this and he stays quiet I’m going to look worse of a villain than I already am for rejecting him.”

“Honey, I don’t think you understand this.” She stopped you, “This isn’t just news that you broke up, this is news that he proposed to his girlfriend of three years and she said fucking no, a.k.a a scandal.”

You rolled your eyes, wanting to curse her for treating you like a five year old child. “No, hear me out, I’m not playing his game anymore.”

“You’re not the one who’s playing his game, he’s the one playing in yours.” She emphasized, “Let me be clear with this, and I’m trying to be nice even though I’ve been working all morning to get this to disappear just for you. You were the one who decided that the relationship was going to have this kind of publicity, you can’t back down now. This could harm your image, you need to make a statement whether he does the same or not.”

You stopped for a second, hating how right she was. Every bit of your relationship with Ian was out to the public, that was the whole point of it from the beginning. Your image as an actress wasn’t entirely constructed by your work,  you took charge into making every piece of your private life part of it too, you sold it of your life to the public. After so many years of sharing everything with the media and fans, you knew it would be strange to stay in silence now, but in a matter of seconds the words piled up in your mind, making you see how ridiculously soulless a statement like that would look, lying about how much love and respect you held for Ian but at the end it didn’t work out, that you decided to stay as friends since you still loved each other so much, when the truth was that he was the one who leaked the pictures in the first place. 

You were once again reminded to face the consequences, and that was what you were about to do. 

“Sorry, Sally, but I'm not making a statement.” You let out, nervously tapping your foot against the floor “I started it, you’re right, but now I’ve decided to end this here. This is my private life we’re talking about, let me keep this thing to myself. The only thing that they need to know is that we’re no longer together, and from now on the only information they’ll get of me is about my work, are we clear?”

Your whole body shook in anticipation, expecting her to yell at you and tell you to do whatever she said, because you knew she knew better. You hoped she somehow didn’t see through your mask, you weren’t as hard as you wanted to sound, you weren’t as confident as you wanted to be. For years working with her you trusted her advice against all odds, and you knew she always meant well, she was just doing her job, but at this exact moment in your life you needed to stay silent.

She hesitated to answer, battling with herself and the love she had for you. “Look kid,” She said “I’m going to let you do what you want, but if this doesn’t end well I’m going to look for you in whatever farm you’re staying in right now and I’m going to strangle you, now are we clear?” She asked, repeating your last words. 

It took you a second to understand what she just said, you felt so anxious you didn’t understand if she was giving you a green light or not. When you snapped out of it, you realized it was the closest you’ve felt to be relieved. 

 “We are clear.” You confirmed. 

“I sure hope so.” You heard her sighing once again “I’ll make it disappear and you make sure to keep your phone close in case something happens. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m sorry for the trouble.”

“It’s fine.” She brushed it off “At least you’re not dead, I would’ve felt guilty for cursing you so much.”

“God, maybe the news of my death would make the news about the proposal disappear.” You tried to joke, fighting against the horrible feeling you still had on your stomach. 

“Okay, kid. I’m hanging up before you get more morbid. Take care, okay?”

You chuckled quietly, “Thank you, Sally” You said before she hung up “Really, I appreciate it.” 

The call ended, leaving your ears ringing and your heart hammering against your chest. You stayed in the hall, sitting on the first steps of the stairs and trying to make sense of what just happened. 

You were aware that Ian was angry at you, you couldn’t tell if you broke his heart but you knew that you hurt his ego, and somehow that was worse. You had to admit that your ego was as big as his, so you understood he had to do the same thing to you. Sally was right, you led yourself to this, you managed the circus that was your public life and you were the one who chose him to cover up how miserable you felt. You still felt your blood boiling just by thinking how cruel it was what he did, and at the same time you couldn’t allow yourself to be angry at him because you thought you had it coming.

You thought you were so stupid for thinking that once you got here you were going to be okay, as if you could run away from yourself, as this house was a bunker, protecting you from everything you ever did. Suddenly, you felt all your emotions stacking up your throat, you felt your eyes burning before your whole face was soaked with hot tears of regret, you didn’t even remember when was the last time you cried, that’s how fucked up you were. 

You covered your face, sobbing against your palms as you tried to calm yourself, remembering your mom was waiting for you in the kitchen and you had to come back to be a functioning person, but before you could, you heard her steps approaching you, gasping when she found you crying. 

“Darling, what happened?” She asked, the concern in her voice made your heart hurt.

You quickly wiped your tears with the sleeves of your sweater as you watched her kneel beside you. “Nothing, just…” You tried to lie, but what was the use of that? She would know, and you were still going to continue carrying the pain on your chest for the rest of the day. You shook your head, feeling her thumbs wiping your tears from your face.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” She whispered, like it was a secret between the two of you. “It’s about the article, right?” You nodded. 

“It’s…” You inhaled, trying to catch your breath. “It’s about more than that.” 

And then, the truth. As if you were a criminal caught in the scene of the crime, you had to tell the truth. 

After you spent the whole afternoon trying to explain to your mom what was going on with your life, nothing could erase the worried look on her face, looking at you like you were thirteen and you had the flu, wanting to take care of you until it went away. 

You felt ashamed, but you couldn’t keep lying to her, not completely at least. You had to tell her that you were never really in love but you felt so alone back in the city, you didn’t have anyone else. Most of your friends were fake, you were tired and sometimes overworked, not even your job was making up for the miserable life you were living anymore. You knew Ian was seeing other women and you couldn’t even find it in yourself to confront him about it, terrified that he’ll leave you in your big apartment alone. Your mom listened with a frown on her face, confused, asking why you never told her, asking why you never called, and you felt so embarrassed, so guilty for disappearing for so long. 

“I’m sorry” was the only thing you could say, and even though she waved it off and said that you didn’t have to apologize for anything, you knew that wasn’t real. You had a bunch of this to apologize for, you didn’t even know where to begin.

After a shower, she offered her room for you to take a nap, and as you got into her bed, she sat next to you, hugging you for the first time in months. 

You breathed out against her chest, feeling like a kid again around her arms. It was like she was trying to extract the sadness out of your body, and maybe it worked for now. 

“You’re still invited to join us for dinner tonight, you know?” She murmured “I know you’re sad but it’s just us, maybe it’ll cheer you up.”

You nodded, “I’ll think about it, is that okay?”

“Of course, darling.” She smiled, kissing your forehead before getting up to leave.

Before she opened the door, you stopped her.  

“Wait mom, who’s coming?” You asked before she disappeared from your sight.

She turned to you again, smiling. “Your brother, of course.” She said “He’s bringing Yoongi and his mom, I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to see you.”

You snapped your eyes open, but before your mom could see your reaction she disappeared through the door, leaving you alone and with your heart clenched in your fist. 

@kingofbodyrolls @tea4sykes @overtherainbow35 @namin13 @p34rluv @moonchild1 @oukya @yoongisoftface @namgihours @honsoolgloss @idkjustlovingbts @loviyunki @yoongisducky @bangtansmauyeondan @tarahardcore @wobblewobble822 @secfir @ot72025 @baechugff @hopefulchick @heroinanne

[sillyblues]

𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 | 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

SYNOPSIS—*ೃ༄ you have lost three times. the first time, you lost your home. the second time, you lost yourself. the third time, you lost everything on a man who would rather lose you than lose everything.

CW—*ೃ༄ fem reader, spoilers on some mcu movies

NOTES—*ೃ༄ it's finally here HELP

masterlist

You were absolutely not normal.

You understood this at a young age when you were bitten by a spider in your backyard and gained not only your consciousness but also powers like shooting a spider web as you frantically waved your arms everywhere. As a three-year-old, you could barely handle the awareness of your surroundings and identity, much more your abilities that you could barely control. You did what any other toddler your child would do. You cried hard and loud until your parents burst through the door scrambling to get you in panic.

At three years old, you already had your first existential crisis.

When you turned five, you could confidently say that you could control your abilities now. No more random bursts of spider webs that took too long to clean up with both your fathers, no more falling in the middle of your wall and ceiling climbing and giving your fathers heart attacks, no more sudden turning of invisibility that made you and your parents cry at the thought of you never to be seen again. Just kidding, there will be more of that but hey, at least you were more in control now. 

When you thought you finally understood what you were capable of, you were instantly proven wrong when a portal opened out of nowhere in your backyard again. The portal was glitching and a variety of colours were swirling so beautifully, almost luring you in and you did. Because you were five and adventures seemed fun, it was like an itch in your brain that can only be relieved if you follow your instincts as a child. 

So you went in and falling into that hole was the most fun you have felt in your life and at the end of your fall, you landed on the concrete ground on top of a building. It hurt but you were used to it so it was fine. You healed pretty easily anyways so you didn’t care anyways. But what you did care about was the fact the place you were currently in was vastly different to where you were just seconds ago.

Sky-high buildings were all over the place and violets and dark skies and neon lights were decorated. It was very much unlike your bright, sunny sky and small houses on your block. At first, you thought you teleported into a different country or hell, even a different continent altogether. It wasn’t until when you swung down and walked down the streets, a man grabbed your hand and pulled you to the side.

“What’s a child like you doing here all alone?” the man with the exact features of your dad frowned, with the only difference being that he looked gruffer, sad, and more miserable.

“Dad!” you engulfed his legs in a hug.

“The hell…? I don’t have a child,” he held the collar of your shirt and pulled you away from him, “Who are you? Who sent you?”

His cold gaze sent shivers down your spine and his oppressing voice scared you. This was not your dad. Your dad was someone who could barely say any insult, much less cuss and would even hit your father if he so much mumble the word “hell”. 

This was not your dad. This was not your universe.

With a cry, a portal opened behind you and you pushed the man hard until he stumbled. You heard him exclaim in pain and shock at how a small child like you overpower an adult like him even for just a moment and you felt so guilty for hurting him. Even though he wasn’t your dad, you felt so bad for hurting him and you wanted to rush into him and hug him and cry onto his chest and apologize—but you can’t. Because he wasn’t your father. So you ran into the portal ignoring his yells.

You thought that you would come home. That you would see your dad and father waiting for you with open arms or at least, scold you where had you been and stop making them worry. You hoped. You believed. But reality proved you wrong once more as you entered not your universe but another one where everything feels like texturized. Colours were changing and it did not seem like it blended and lines were there.

This was not your universe.

At five years old, you lost your universe and had no way back home.

By thirteen years old, you slowly started to forget your home. You jumped to one universe and another to find answers of why you could barely find your universe. You did everything to even just find a clue. Loneliness and jealousy accompanied you as you watched children so happy with their families. Fear and anxiety greeted you when you found out there were no other versions of you. Betrayal walked side by side with you with so many greedy hands wanting to take your multiverse traveling power for their wants (you could never forget the way one Sorcerer Supremem wanted to absorb your soul just so he could be in an alternate universe where he was happy). Despair seeped into your every pore you when you finally pieced enough clues to find a definitive answer. 

You were not supposed to live.

At thirteen years old, you lost all hope and ultimately, yourself.

When you were eighteen years old, you had begun to accept your reality and even settled on one universe where you lived and studied thanks to some of the friends you made. You even made some Spiderpeople friends in other universes and thanks to that, you officially became one as well even if you mostly do is help them from the sidelines (you either confuse villains with two Spiders or call the police). Sometimes if the situation calls for it, you had to be a villain just so you could help save humanity in other worlds but maybe that was just a part of what makes you a Spider.

At eighteen years old, you were beginning to live.

When you turned 21, you started to encounter beings who tested the limits of the multiverse and almost succeeded. Peter Parker, another Spiderman and a friend of yours, decided to cast a spell that cost him the memories of his world. You met America Chavez, a girl who was just like you, hunted for your abilities to travel between the multiverse and the Witch who lost herself because all she wanted was just to be happy.

By then, you met a lot of people, different people from different universes despite having the same identity (except for America because just like you, there was no other version of her).

But you have never met someone, the same person, in different worlds despite having alternate versions of himself.

tag-list: @belos-simp69 @memospacexx @etherealton @lexingtoon @speaker15 @loonalockley @fandoms-run-my-life @gg-trini @julesandro @manchuria @wonderahgase @nyxhatesme @yumeneji @bookish-bimbo @lordmypantsaresocool @@tortilla-chips-and-allioli @johanseongs @nuhteyam @toji-whore

[jsab-corruptedbond]

This has been roaming around my head for awhile so i decided to ask!! what happens if ur blixer was a slightly different story like instead of his parent being a spider what would if he actually have a bio logical parents? Would his parents have the same look as him or one of them has a different look or depends?

Bonus question: instead of mr spidey being his parent and he actually had biological parents would his story would be more different?? Like maybe more traumatizing and has past lores etc ?

oh I LOVE thinking about "what if's" scenarios I have multiple versions of CB (that end up not used) as for Blixer parents aspect or how he lived, it varies from cuda and lycan being his cave buddies and friends to having no parents and friends in the cave at all. Giving him parents didn't cross my mind at all at first because his reason for existing already kinda set (macabres wish) heck... even when i was 10 pages in the comic spidey didn't exist until i decided "hey if a spider adopt him, raised him to be good and suddenly blixer loose his sanity, wouldn't that make it more sad compared to him living alone?" and so spidey exist and i mention him in the boat with cuda scene + side comic to make up for my silly mid comic rewrite. It also shows he's not as violent as people think he is since he's LITERALLY RAISED BY SPIDERS, 10X TINY THAN HIM Now if we change it up and blixer have bio parents, a lot of things can change: > Blixer Identity Crisis is less intense. He got parents, who raised him, BIRTHED HIM. Unlike the in the comic where he just pops up out of no where and someone adopted him. Sure in both versions he got a loving family but you get the gist right? > Blixer mom is the first shape he accidentally corrupt. He got the curse of corrupting everything he touch, so his pure parents are now corrupt and THEY get the beating instead of Blixer. In the comic Spidey can't do much to protect him physically since he's tiny compared to blixer > HE'S GOT BASIC HUMAN NEEDS, lets say his dad isn't corrupt, he still can go outside and provide for the family there's a LOT more i can list (but it is 1:30 AM i'm getting sleepy lmao) but basically giving Blixer bio parents will make his backstory less traumatic......unless i killed them......... when he's young.... now to actually answer your first question lmao- yes i think his bio parents would look similar to him, heck i try to make macabres design similar to blixer since she wish for him and stuff

[sugar-grigri]

An overlay of games

Two injured arms? What are you trying to tell us, Fujimoto ?

The interesting thing about the first part of the chapter is this page in which Denji hesitantly answers. It's another way of accentuating his existential crisis, even when he's called an impostor, Denji can't defend his position firmly and confidently.

It's normal, he's still bound by the dilemma of the public hunters who have forbidden him to reveal and be Chainsaw Man himself, and above all he's competing with the impostor for his own identity.

Denji isn't THAT scandalized by being pointed out as a wannabe CSM because he is one now, he's been so robbed of his identity that he's almost willing to become himself.

This chapter also hints at the fact that the public hunters don't agree on everything, probably because of a hierarchy or unity game. For example, some hunters only thought that the church was having fun playing CSM, not knowing that it was fighting against the prophecy of Nostradamus.

However, this information was gathered by Yoshida through his interview with Fami, but it remained highly confidential. Here again, this public hunter doesn't know that Denji is CSM. In short, information isn't leaking out of the Special Division 7.

Yoshida is the mediator between the public hunters and Denji, but also with the church with Fami. Katana, Quanxi and the possessed man with the dripping brain are the henchmen. Fumiko is the one in charge of preventing any temptation on Denji's part to get closer to the church.

But there's something else that I find even more interesting that follows this point. If we try to untangle everyone's role. We end up with Yoshida; Quanxi; Katana; the possessed one with the overflowing brain; Fumiko; Denji and on the other, on the church side, we have Fami, Barem, Miri, the weapon of the whip, the bow and finally Asa. That's six against six.

Asa's room is 606. And as I've explained several times, Fujimoto tends to play with numbers in this part 2. So I'm going to try and give you an explanation.

When I saw that not only Quanxi had her arm bruised but Yoshida had sliced Asa's arm, the first thing I thought was "a tie". On one side we have Quanxi losing her arm to protect while on the other we have Yoshida attacking with a slice. The fact remains that an arm has been lost on each side, so there's a certain balance.

Let me remind you that there are six against six in this game, and nobody has won any points yet, which makes 0. 6 0 6, ball in the middle.

I sincerely believe that what Fujimoto is setting up is a form of game, a war in which we're going to have to keep score. Barem is called Barem BRIDGE, a card game of 2. against 2. This time it's not just a game about the clan war but the whole manga: Fami and Barem on one side, the demon of Death and maybe Fake! CSM on the other

Did you know that one of the players called himself the dead man? ;))))))

I think the human usurper and fake!CSM are two different entities because the demon has twice interfered with Fami's plan by eliminating the fire demon (Yuko) and saving Denji and Asa.

But it doesn't stop there, so let me come back to a few bridge rules (I don't know how to play, so if I'm wrong, please correct me). The game opens with the "contract", i.e. declarer commits to making a given number of tricks. Just like the beginning of the game in CSM started with Barem announcing his contract with the fire demon.

A game of bridge is played in several moves, each move corresponding to a deal. Each player holds 13 cards, which they have arranged in a row to form what is known as their "deck" or "hand". Again, this is not to say that game 2 works exactly like bridge (and its horribly complex rules) but rather to emphasise the symbolism.

Every time one of the sides moves, an injury occurs, a limb is neutralised or even pulverised.

I wanted to end this analysis with the "strong" part of the chapter, Yoru's return in force. I was stuck on the symbolism of the arm, its symbolism in art and its relationship to war. So much so that I forgot to read the line: Yoru is a team player, she speaks as "we".

And then everything fell into place. There's a contrast between Yoru's exaltation and the fact that she's still missing a member. But everything makes sense with this fusion introduced by the "we".

Yoru is missing nothing, not even an arm, and Asa has become the perfect continuity of her being and her limbs.

Asa may have transformed her flat, her home, but she hasn't lost her bearings, because each of these girls has become the home of the other.

While Denji denies the duality of his being, Asa is embracing it.

While Yoru, even without her arm, feels her strength reaching its peak thanks to her completeness with Asa.

Now, don't you think that making room 606 a weapon whose number symbolizes the status quo is just the beginning of hostilities?

To be obsessed with victory, even if it means leaving your mark, isn't that the definition of waging war?

Or is it just playing a card game ?

[lilycolbertsstuff]

Ok let’s talk all things Bridgerton.

First things first, we’ve all binged it the day that it came out, right?

Second, Nicola Coughlan the woman that you are.

Now let’s move on to the serious stuff.

I have to say that so far I’m liking this season but there are some things that I really don’t understand, namely all the subplots. Some of them should’ve either been cut or they should’ve had less screen time. I understand for example the introduction of Francesca and John because of how their story plays out in the future but what about the Mondriches? Don’t get me wrong I like their characters and their chemistry but I really don’t get why they’re such a prominent part of this season, hopefully their presence will be justified in part 2 for it would be heartbreaking to see unnecessary hate towards them.

Another aspect I liked is Eloise and Cressida’s friendship. In the beginning I didn’t think it would be something genuine but turns out that El does actually come to care for Cressida, who is finally not just relegated to being the mean girl.

Kate and Anthony are a dream to watch on screen, their chemistry is out of this world and they most definitely deserve the long ass honeymoon for god knows how hard these two have worked for their families.

I found Francesca to be such an interesting character and her and John were cute but the side couple that I’m really curious about is Violet and lady Danbury’s brother.

The Featheringtons were a highlight of this season to me. They had no business being this funny. Every time a scene with them came on I was prepared to laugh.

Queen Charlotte and lady Danbury are such icons you can’t help but love them.

Last but not least, Benedict. My boy what have they done to you? It’s so painfully obvious that they didn’t know what to do with his character because give me a valid reason why his storyline this time around is him going to bed with a widow; I would’ve much rather liked to see him in those artists’ parties or whatever like he did in season one and maybe explore more of that aspect of his personality in preparation for his own season, which hopefully will be next.

Time to talk about the leads:

I wish we could’ve seen more of Colin’s identity crisis but I feel like whenever the script was lacking Luke did a great job compensating with his body language and facial expressions. Also can we all agree that he’s just so whipped for Pen after their first kiss?

As a fellow wallflower I really related to the scenes where Penelope felt frustrated with the ton and all the socialising. I can confirm that even when we get all dolled up and feel confident in our own skin for once it’s still so hard to put ourselves out there. We feel called by the wall and somehow we find it more fascinating to observe all the different dynamics going on around us rather than actively taking part in them, even if sometimes we want to.

The scenes where Pen threw herself on her bed and sighed? Yep, I felt that.

I honestly didn’t mind that Colin and Pen got together by the end of the first part of the season for we’ve been watching the build up to their relationship for three seasons now. These two have been friends for ages so it’s not like they had to go through all that getting to know each other phase. Furthermore, I’m pretty sure that part 2 will focus on the unfolding of the lady whistledown storyline and having Colin and Pen be together makes more sense because now he loves and wants to marry her leading to an even more crushing reveal.

The carriage scene?! I died and resurrected in the span of like 3 minutes, and that’s just their first intimate scene I don’t know what will happen to me with the ones to come.

These were my overall thoughts on Bridgerton season 3. I can’t wait till part 2 comes out but also I will be deep in exam season so it’ll be a wild ride, let’s hope everything turns out for the best.🐝🩵

[dravenscroft]

So I make a loooot of shitposts and jokes (mainly because my actual career is writing dark and serious novels and therefore I come to Tumblr to get away from that) but I FINALLY wanted to write a post that sums up my thoughts regarding the Hickey/Tozer dynamic because it fascinates me so much.

I'm putting it under a read more because I know I'm going to ramble.

Okay so first of all, as much as I may like to make jokes about the sex being so good it drove a guy to mutiny, I don't actually believe there was any sexual intimacy between Hickey and Tozer at all. This is mostly because I think post Carnival NOBODY was getting laid, everyone was far too sick and weak and tired for that - do I think in different circumstances it could have happened between them? Possibly, yeah. I definitely see the dynamic as romantic, but in a weird, unspoken, 'whatever the hell they have going on is also way more complicated than that' way.

The main thoughts I have about how and why Tozer ends up locked into in the Worst Situationship Of All Time are mainly due to three factors:

Heather's death and the breakdown of command.

The obvious Oh Shit moment of watching the Tuunbaq devour Collins' soul.

Physical touch.

The first one is the primer, as it were. It sets Tozer up as angry, desperate, and willing to mutiny. It's already become clear by Carnival that command is breaking down, they don't know what to do, and what a soldier needs more than anything is a CLEAR, DECISIVE CHAIN OF COMMAND. Without that, Tozer - who already has some Opinions about the way the marines are being put at additional risk (unionise, king) - has no one to keep him on a leash, for want of a better word. He's a dog trained to kill that suddenly doesn't have a master. He cannot be in command himself. He needs someone above him; he's not a leader.

This builds and builds, but then Heather's death - the loss of any vestige of something that would keep him loyal, since evidently Heather's care would continue under ordinary command - at the hands, essentially, of the very command he's started to doubt...well, that's it. Gun primed.

The discovery of Fairholme's group shatters any remaining hope he may have had, Crozier's reluctance to tell the men only further compounding the 'command is failing' mentality Tozer already has in spades. And there you go - the trigger is pulled.

BANG. Mutiny.

The second major factor comes after he's thrown in his lot with Hickey in a way he can't go back on. He sees Collins' soul sucked from his body by Tuunbaq before his very eyes. Suddenly, everything he thought he knew has been tipped on its head and an existential crisis he definitely didn't expect or need is thrust upon him, but now any decision he might have made to stay with Crozier and co based on this revelation is no longer open to him. The gun is still smoking, there's no way of putting the musket ball back, and now Hickey is his only option.

But maybe that isn't so bad? Because Hickey is providing something command didn't. He seems in control. He seems to know what he's about, what he's doing, and what to do next. He gives clear concise orders. He's taken up the leash command dropped, and Tozer has a master again. He feels like a marine again, like some of his identity has returned to him in a weird, perverse way (and we know Tozer is incredibly proud of being a Royal Marine from his earlier conversations)(not to mention Crozier's remark to Fitzjames about not asking the men to leave bits of themselves behind straight away when leaving the ships; Tozer has already lost bits of himself, when Heather died, and he lost faith in command).

Tozer is NOT willing to do a second mutiny because that would put HIM in charge, stripping him of that identity all over again, and he cannot handle that.

And finally, physical touch - physical touch is one of the things that keeps him chained to Hickey (quite literally by the end). It's perhaps not nearly as much of a factor as the other two, or perhaps an enormous factor, but definitely there. Throughout the earlier episodes we see that Tozer is a pretty tactile guy. Playfully wrestling at the birthday party. Caring for Heather, squeezing his hand to try and get signs of life. This is a man who isn't afraid to touch other men. When Hickey holds his face in That scene, he doesn't appear surprised - a little spooked by the way he leans in suddenly, and Hickey's intensity, but not shocked. Not like it's the first time Hickey has ever touched him. I generally imagine there's a lot of physical intimacy Hickey offers him during the scenes we don't see, because Hickey IS good at recognising things in people most of the time, and I can see him honing in on that need for touch immediately.

I imagine him touching him a lot, sleeping unusually close to him, soothing him, everything to make Tozer feel safe and secure and remind him WHO is meeting those specific needs. He's providing certainty, command, and comfort, three things Tozer desperately needs.

If there WAS any sexual intimacy between the two, I believe it would build off this even further - confuse Tozer about his feelings, make him feel uniquely bonded to Hickey in a way he can't easily undo. Especially as a Royal Marine, essentially a symbol of the warlike 'noble' Empire, with all the corresponding Victorian hangups and ideals, which would no doubt feel incredibly threatened by any attraction to Hickey. Hickey, who, as we know, WANTS to erase this sense of Empire as identity, not because he understands the evils of Empire but because he wants to replace it with his own where he is at the top.

Hickey both offers Tozer his identity back while at the same time trying to reshape it to fit his own empire. And for Tozer that's confusing and conflicting - but it's better than what he had before. Because Tozer, too, cannot see the world through any lens but that of Empire and hierarchy and command - that's the fatal flaw of all these men.

By the end, it seems he's starting to see what a horrible mistake he made - but by then it's far, far too late.

And a dog NEEDS a master.

Tldr; I think Tozer's bond with Hickey stems from both very human needs such as touch and closeness and certainty, but also from a very thematic need to have a place and easily understood identity within the structure of Empire. And there's almost no real way for those two different sorts of needs to coexist without disaster.

(One day I'll go into how I think Hickey gets more from this relationship than a mere henchman, but this isn't the post for it! This is about Solomon)

[flightfoot]

Miraculous Ladybug Fanfic Recs for 2022

As a lot of you know, I read metric butt-ton of Miraculous fanfics, so I wanted to share with you 19 multi-chap fics, and 16 Miraculous one-shots (I just went through all the ones I really wanted to rec people instead of trying to fit a particular number) that I think y’all should take a look at. I tagged people’s tumblr blogs when I knew them, but I may well have missed some, especially if their username was different between AO3 and tumblr. Feel free to tag authors who I missed. Note that I’m only counting fics that were completed in 2022, so no ongoing fics. Enjoy!

Multi-chap fics:

When The Morning Comes by @into-september:

Gabriel Agreste has been unmasked as Hawkmoth, and the girl who was fighting him all these years turns out to be Tom Dupain's daughter. And standing between them is Adrien Agreste with his life in shatters that Tom Dupain has no way of piecing together.

But baking is at least a place to start.

I love how this not only digs into Adrien’s character, but Tom’s as well, especially how both of them have been estranged from their fathers. I haven’t seen that come up much.

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Walking That Mile by @nomolosk

Nino and Alya wake up in the wrong bodies. Several things result from this, including, but not limited to, identity reveals and a better understanding of what their respective best friends are going through.

Never knew I needed Nino!Plagg and Alya!Tikki in my life, but there you go XD. It’s not all fun and games though, this is a Hawkmoth Takedown fic as well, and dealing with the effects of that.

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The Sidekick Conspiracy by @bring-the-storm:

It's common knowledge among the heroes of Paris that their sidekick, the civilian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, is actually secretly their leader, pretending to be a normal girl who just ‘happens’ to show up at battles. Common knowledge to everyone except Marinette. What do you do when you're in the center of a conspiracy that doesn’t actually exist? In which Marinette is confused, Chat has no idea what's going on, Master Fu just wants Marinette to be safe, and everyone is misinterpreting the situation.

This one is just fun! Marinette has no idea she keeps on being given jewelry all of a sudden, and Fu’s frustrated that she won’t actually USE the damn Miraculous already.

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As the dust settles by @pengirl91:

After Ladybug lost everything and yet her partner stood by her, she realized what she had been trying to lie to herself about for months. She is undoubtedly in love with him. The only problem is that she's terrified of what that could lead to and there's a monumental task ahead of them before it might be safe to act on her feelings for him... more than she already has.

Post Strike Back with my hopes, wishes, and predictions for season 5 as I wait with great impatience. Now complete.

The meat of this story is mostly a SentiAdrien fic. Adrien discovers that Gabriel is Hawkmoth, so Gabriel orders him to stay silent about what he found out, as well as giving orders to help him with plans to obtain the Miraculous he needs. Luckily, he doesn’t know that Adrien is Chat Noir...

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A Little Fall Of Rain by @funnydoesntlookdruish:

Unable to transform in time, Marinette sacrifices her life to save Adrien from an assassin. With the help of the Kwamis, Adrien is able to bring her back to life, but it comes at a price. One that Adrien alone must pay. Now, Adrien is forced to keep even more secrets. The fact that Marinette is alive and that she has been his Lady all long. More than ever, they must defeat Hawkmoth. Only then can Marinette return to her life.

This one’s pretty angsty, arguably even more on Adrien’s end than Marinette’s. As part of their cover, Adrien has to be injured pretty badly, in ways that couldn’t be reversed if not for magic.

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Strangely Familiar by @sunfoxfic

Alya Césaire’s life is perfect. Indeed, between the success of the Ladyblog, how well she’s doing in school, and the fact that she’s a superhero who has never bore the weight of a crisis of epic proportions, her life almost couldn’t be better. Almost.

But Alya has always been a go-getter, and so she’ll chase after that perfect life if it kills her. Which is how she ends up rushing to move out of her father’s apartment and in with Marinette, Adrien, and a complete stranger: Nino Lahiffe. And in fact, her life does seem perfect — she and Nino are fast friends. They spend a lot of time together and get to know each other really well.

But in the end, fortunate situations will bear unfortunate truths, and she learns things about herself that aren’t quite comfortable. Like I said, though: Alya has always been a go-getter, and she won’t let new feelings deter her from chasing after her perfect life.

This is the single longest DJWifi-centric fic on AO3 (which is a travesty) and it is GLORIOUS. Alya and Nino are both well fleshed-out here, with their own problems and baggage they’re dealing with, but it’s easier together.

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final girl by @picayunearts:

Marinette has ninety-nine problems, and the superhero trio of Paris counts for a hundred.

[AU where Marinette follows through on giving up her earrings after Stoneheart, but becomes the Guardian to protect her replacement.]

This is just great. Marinette thinks she failed, but the other heroes wouldn’t agree. And eventually, she gains some confidence in herself as well.

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Over and Over by @stcrsquad:

Marinette Dupain-Cheng has had the worst day possible. She's failed to confess to Adrien (again), made an embarrassment of herself, and got into a fight with Chat Noir.

Adrien Agreste has had the worst day possible. He is tired of being pushed aside by everyone, including his crime-fighting partner Ladybug.

Luckily, fate (and Bunnyx) works in mysterious ways because they wake up again on the same day. A do-over. Except it keeps happening. Can the two figure out what they need to fix to break the loop, or will they be stuck forever?

Look these two will sit down and has things out even if it takes being stuck in a time loop together to make that happen.

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When Bunnyx Brings A Baby by @funnydoesntlookdruish:

Marinette thought she was up to any challenge. She was Ladybug after all! But when Bunnyx arrives with a baby in her arms asking her to babysit, Marinette quickly learns that Akuma battles are easy compared to taking care of a baby. A baby that seems to know her and for some strange reason... Adrien?

Anentry in the “Lovesquare has to babysit their future children” genre! This is just adorable. Has an ongoing sequel too.

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The Call of the Running Tide by @nemaliwrites: 

To escape an arranged marriage, Adrien runs away from home, leaving behind all that he has ever known. In search of easy transportation, he sneaks aboard a ship at the docks. Everything seems like it is going according to plan — until he finds out that the ship belongs to the fierce pirate captain Ladybug.

I’m amazed this isn’t more popular. I mean, Lovesquare pirates!AU, with the Miracuclass as Ladybug’s crew? Come on! 

It mostly has Adrien trying to fit in with the crew, find his way, that sort of thing. Though there is a confrontation with his father at the end.

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metamorphosis by @peachcitt:

“I was thinking about that time you hated me.” “Why?” "I don’t know." “I didn’t.” “I know.”

or

three years after hawkmoth's defeat, marinette is still trying to figure out her version of normal. there's also sleepovers.

This has been a very popular fic so most people probably at least know of it, even if they haven’t read it themselves, but in case someone out there hasn’t: basically, Chat runs off with the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculouses after Hawkmoth’s defeat and never shows up again, worrying Ladybug sick and making her fear that he died. But then a mysterious new Butterfly Holder starts attacking Paris, only he seems a lot nicer than the last one, more of an Anti-villain than anything...

A Major Test of Strength by @nemaliwrites:

There is only one thing in Paris hated as much as the akumas: Ladybug herself. In an effort to help the Savior of Paris, Adrien winds up on the wrong end of an akuma attack — only to find himself stuck reliving the same day.

With enough time, anyone can be a hero, and as he continues dying over and over, he is forced to confront the idea that these loops may be just as much of a blessing as they are a curse.

This is loosely inspired by “All You Need Is Kill”, but no knowledge of that manga is needed to understand the story. There’s a bit of a mystery element going on as Adrien tries to figure out why he keeps dying even when he takes steps to prevent it, how he keeps coming back, and what the deal is with Ladybug, anyway. 

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Cataclysm by Lucid:

When Chat Noir uses Cataclysm on an akumatized ring that ends up being his amok, Marinette is left alone to solve the mystery of Hawkmoth's motives and bring back her missing partner.

This Sentiadrien fic does something I haven’t seen really explored before: it delves into what might happen if Adrien had to be recreated after having been destroyed, and the problems that might arise from that attempt. I love when we get to see Adrien’s perspective especially.

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in case you don’t know me tomorrow by @thelibraryloser:

“We live in a crazy world where pieces of our lives can be erased like they never even happened. I just wanted to memorize this moment so… so I could keep it, if that makes sense.”

Adrien's heart gave a little flutter. She wanted to keep this moment, meeting him. She wanted to keep… him.

“I understand exactly what you mean."

In a world that has created a way to selectively delete memories, no moment is truly safe. So how do you hold on to something when the memory of it is gone? And how do you keep fighting for someone when you're the only one who remembers?

This is a SEVERELY underrated fic. It’s got some shades of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” in the world, though the plot is very different - the memory erasure ain’t willing. 

Basically, the first few chapters are establishing Adrien’s and Marinette’s romance, and then the rest of the fic is dealing with Gabriel being an absolute DICK and using any means at his disposal to break them apart. It’s fantastic and I highly recommend reading it!

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Shelltering Others by @rosie-b:

When Ladybug wakes Nino up in the middle of the night to scold him for revealing his identity, he thinks his career as a Miraculous holder is over. But instead, Ladybug gives him the opportunity to prove himself by becoming Chat Noir's confidant and learning his secret identity through a scavenger hunt of sorts. Will Nino pass Ladybug and Chat Noir's test, or will he fail to put the pieces together in time?

Quick disclaimer here: the first chapter looks kinda salty towards Nino, with Ladybug laying into him for revealing his and Alya’s secret identities to Adrien and Marinette. She’s mostly just trying to scare him into taking them seriously, though, since she herself has just proposed that Nino become Chat’s secret-keeper, and he can’t afford to be lackadaisical with that identity. I highly recommend getting through at least chapter 2 of the fic when giving it a shot, because this had some great character development and introspection for Nino, on Chat Noir, Adrien, Ladybug, and himself. 

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run boy run by tinuviel_tinuviel

Nino was sprawled on the floor of his room with Alya when his phone chimed, in the quiet of a premature autumnal sunset. It was one of those lazy evenings that had become rare lately. Contrary to popular belief, he and Alya could get studying done when in the same room, and he was elbows-deep in late assignments, which meant his phone was on Do Not Disturb, which meant the notification could only have come from one person.

ADRIEN 🐈: cmoe ove rnow ADRIEN 🐈: like riggt now ADRIEN 🐈: plag NINO: that is literally incomprehensible NINO: wait is that you plagg ADRIEN 🐈: mov faster

So this is a “Adrien finds out that his father is Hawkmoth and consults with Nino about what to do” fic, with Nino throwing Hawkmoth off Adrien’s track, though inadvertently at his own expense. Love Nino’s perspective here, and I always enjoy a good Hawkmoth-takedown fic!

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Restorative Justice by @kasienda:

Chloé has never been a fan of Ms. Bustier’s community building activities. In fact, she detests them. She doesn’t want to learn about the drab boring lives of her peers. And she absolutely can’t stand it when their confessions make her feel things. Feelings that she doesn’t even have names for. But when Adrien unknowingly shares his struggles with his double life, Chloé vows she will do anything to get Ladybug to set things right. Even if it means pissing off the heroine. Chloé was already mad at her anyway.

I ADORE people talking out about what hurt them, with everyone growing to understand each other, and focusing on making recompense rather than just punishment, so this was fantastic. This isn’t all about Chloe either, Marinette, Adrien, Alya, and Nino all get to hash things out with each other as well in a group session, and it’s just really, really nice to read.

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48 Hours To Make You Love Me by @mysticraven20:

“When did you stop?”

“Stop what, M’Lady?”

“Stop loving me?”

When two heroes miss the minibus for their winter get away with the gang they have no other choice but to make their way to the resort by themselves.

After avoiding their feelings for years, a freak snow storm makes them reconsider more than just whether to carry on driving.

Luckily, they find a quaint little bed and breakfast where suddenly they’re thrown into a situation where their feelings can no longer be held back; but, is it too late?

The interference of an elderly couple after an eavesdropping accident helps both Adrien and Marinette come to terms with their feelings and their actions.

Through movies, hot chocolates and snuggling to keep warm, Marinette wonders if it’s possible to make Adrien love her again, and more so can she do it by the time they need to leave their little sanctuary?

This just has a lot of adorable Adrienette shenanigans, with a fun time travel twist that had me inwardly squealing XD. If you want some Lovesquare fluff, this is a good one.

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team is a four letter word by @ladyofthenoodle:

Alya didn’t want to come between Ladybug and Chat Noir. But she didn’t want to stop being Rena Rouge either. And if Chat Noir didn’t want to talk to her, then she’d need to find a different way to prove all three of them could be a team.

Her plan unintentionally brings a few secrets to light, which leads to even more secrets coming to light, which leads to... well, Alya is sure it'll all work out eventually.

This is a season 4 fic, with a heavy emphasis on repairing the relationships that were damaged, or could have been damaged, during that season. I love how everyone gets to really feel and react, be hurt and then gain understanding, with a happy ending to cap it off!

One-shots:

hella enchanted by @xiueryn:

Years ago, Marinette's father died and she was left with her awful stepmother. With magic forcing her to obey every command, she lived as a servant and gave up hope. When a man appears, searching for the very fairy that blessed her, Marinette decides to give life one more try. AU.

(a different ella enchanted au.)

Even though it’s a one-shot this one is pretty long, clocking in at over 30k words. Absolutely worth a shot, though. The first third is basically Marinette dealing with being pushed around because of her “blessing”, and the other two-thirds is just some adorable fluff of her and Adrien touring the country together. 

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Is it cool that you’re in my head? by @bring-the-storm: 

Alya stared at the picture plastered across the homepage of every single tabloid and news site, whispering every curse she could think of under her breath. SHOCKING SECRET ROMANCE BETWEEN LADYBLOGGER AND PARISIAN SUPERVILLAIN REVEALED!!! the headline announced, casually shouting the words she had been dreading for all of Paris to read.

--- Alya had always assumed that someday Paris would discover that she had secretly been kissing their most wanted vigilante, but she had never thought it would happen so soon. As the domino effects of her relationship with Ladybug go spiraling through her life, Alya turns her sights towards the one responsible: the elusive superhero Hawkmoth.

AKA Someone outs Alya and her girlfriend so she retaliates by deciding to take down Hawkmoth

I recommend this to anyone who either A. Loves Alya and wants to see more of her in a starring role, or B., wants to see an AU where Parisians could feasibly believe that Hawkmoth is the good guy, and that Ladybug and Chat Noir are, if not villains, at least reckless. 

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We’re breaking free (there’s not a star in heaven we can’t reach) by @pauliestorylover:

Wing binding was a symbol of prestige in high society, but Adrien would much rather be born a pauper than be forced to bind his wings for another day. Becoming Chat Noir might be the chance he had been waiting for to break free and gain a taste of the heavens.

Meanwhile, Nino and Marinette were quickly learning the joys of the pastime called ‘hating rich old white men who moonlighted as supervillains’.

Excellent Wingfic here! It’s got some excellent worldbuilding in it. I especially like how it’s customary to exchange feathers with people you’re close to, and put them in particular places on your wings to symbolize what they mean to you, whether they’re friends, family, or lovers. That particular piece of lore is used to great effect in the story.

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How Could I Not? by SorryJustAnotherPerson

In fairy tale books, Princesses were saved by nights from ferocious dragons. Those books were not their story, but Rose was happy to flip over a new page with her Juleka every single day.

Many years ago, she was put to this tower by her parents and her kingdom, along with a fire breathing dragon, so she could find her prince charming one day. How foolish for them to not calculate her falling in love with the dragon. I mean seriously.

How could she not?

I love fairy tale type stories, especially fractured fairy tales. And Juleka being a dragon is awesome. This is just a fun and adorable story.

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Once Upon A Time by kao_rei:

"Humans fear wolves. I mean, we're horrible, sickening creatures, aren't we?" Adrien laughed.

"I don't think so," Marinette muttered. "Well, not anymore when I met you."

Marinette's days are all the same—she puts on her red cape, makes deliveries for her parents' bakery, and goes home to rest before another busy day. Adrien is a wolf-boy who watches her from afar, awaiting the day they finally meet to change their stories.

While falling in love may bring about some challenges, they're willing to fight through them together because they'd never settle for a "the end". They want a "happily ever after", too.

(In which Marinette is Little Red Riding Hood, Adrien is the Wolf, and they fall in love somewhere between deliveries, flower fields, and shiny red apples).

Did I mention I love fairy tale stories? Because I do.

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(pockets full of) stones by felledstar:

Even though he wants to be “normal” and go to a “normal school” and have friends just like everyone else, Adrien’s discovered that he’s… not very good at it. It isn’t that he’s a superhero in his nonexistent spare time, or that he’s got a job modelling for his father, or that he’s got so many activities that it takes a whole other person to keep track of his schedule. It’s that… he’s always tripping over things that everyone else seems to know that he… just doesn’t know.

First day of school and we already have two lovebirds.

But there are some things that he does know, no matter what anyone else—Nino, Plagg, the entire population of Paris—thinks.

How he feels is one.

Whatever. She’s just a friend. A friend.

He loves Ladybug. Marinette is his friend.

Why doesn’t anyone believe him?

This is an aroace!Adrien story, that digs into the effects of amatonormativity on people. Especially with how the class all assumes that Adrien would be romantically interested in Marinette, and tries to matchmake him and Marinette in order to make both of them happy, much to his frustration. Based on what the class did in Guiltrip, I could see this happening. They love and care about their classmates and want to help them as much as they can, but that doesn’t mean they always know how best to do that.

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Lady... bird? by @graaythekwami:

“Marinette!” Tikki called, flying towards the small room of water. “Marinette there’s an akuma– we need to transform!”

The parrot’s head popped up, recognizing these words. They were always said when the report came on TV– a routine he had come to know well. Akuma report, we need to transform, and finally–

“Tikki!” The bird cawed happily. “Spots on!”

This story is just hilarious. Tikki ain’t happy afterwards XD

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I Won’t Let You by @generalluxun

After Gabriel's defeat, two individuals not party to the celebration run into each other, and find each other.

The summary doesn’t give much of an idea of what the fic’s about. Post-Hawkmoth Defeat, Chloe and Felix run into each other at the celebration of Gabriel’s downfall, and vent about their problems. Neither of them think the other one has it too bad - Chloe’s worried about disappearing, since her worth was entirely tied to her family’s prestige and wealth, and being seen as friends to a terrorist is gonna cripple both of those, while Felix is on edge about Ladybug having the Peacock Miraculous, since she has the ability to kill him at a moment’s notice (yes this is a Sentifelix fic). 

They both make each other understand the turmoil the other is going through in extremely visceral ways, showing the other what it’s like to be them, in the circumstances they’re in. I don’t want to spoil what, exactly, they do, but needless to say, it’s worth a read.

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don’t you worry child by kopycat_101

Marc and Nathaniel have a good life, married and living together in a cottage in the woods. But they consider having children at some point.

Marc in particular really wants to start a family with his husband. He knows the fey are real, so he goes searching in the woods to find one to strike a deal.

He may get a bit more than he bargained for in the process.

This is based on a tumblr post that’s been going around, which I think a lot of people will recognize as they continue going through the story. That post is credited at the end of the fic, so as not to spoil the plot.

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Chat Walker’s Trial by @pearl484-blog

Instead of Catwalker showing up to serve as her new Chat Noir, Ladybug is stunned to find that Chat Noir has returned to her, having "improved" himself by repressing his emotions, memories, and willfulness. Deciding that this will not stand, she organizes her teammates to convince Chat Noir that giving those traits up and becoming the perfect partner was not the right move, but how can she argue against perfection?

Adrien Augreste 2022 entry for the day 23-24 prompt: Swap

This is a really intriguing fic. Instead of becoming Cat Walker in Kuro Neko, Adrien instead runs across a mage who helpfully provides some spells to make him into the “perfect” partner for Ladybug, magically suppressing his emotions and urge to rebel, as well as his memories of being Chat Noir, in order to make sure he doesn’t love her anymore. Ladybug, naturally, is distraught about this, but since Chat did all of this of his own free will, she needs to actually persuade him it was a bad move, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s exquisitely painful at times with the amount of self-hatred Chat has for his previous self, and how the Miracuteam is divided on how bad these changes actually are, since he does seem more focused now - though the holdouts are a lot less on board when they think of someone who’s closer to them going through this process.

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disconnected by @just-an-ordinary-fan

Lady Wifi believes she might be the only one who does not want to obey Hawkmoth's orders.

When she sees another akuma hesitate in the battle, she finds she might not be entirely alone.

I actually wrote my own fic, Nullius in Verba, based off of this one. It’s short but has an intriguing premise, with all the akumas being transported to this warehouse after the fight’s over, having been basically forced to do Hawkmoth’s bidding. The akumas also don’t seem to remember who they were before, or even that they WERE ordinary people before, which is an interesting twist.

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Shadow of the Chat by @pearl484-blog

Chat Noir discovers that he has a living Shadow. Unfortunately for him, it is not fond of Ladybug.

Inspired by the prompt: 5 times Character A and B thought they didn’t have anything in common and 1 time they realized how similar they are.

I wrote a fic based on this one and @wackus-bonkus-maximus fic “One Does Not Love Breathing”, basically importing Shadow into odnlb in order to help take down Monarch. It’s called “One Does Not Love Shadows”, btw.

Anyway, I love how this one-shot uses some of Carl Jung’s ideas about everyone having “shadows”; parts of ourselves that we consciously reject or suppress, and using that to get Chat some help. If you’ve ever played a Persona game, this will be familiar to you, as those games are based off of Jung’s ideas as well.

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Day 7: Book by @andromeda612

During one of his works, Marc comes across a rather interesting book.

MarcNath AU fic here! Basically Marc is a super powerful warlock, and is brought in to help with the case of a lying witch who apparently caused a lot of problems for people, using her magic to help fool everyone. She’s actually dead by the time the story starts, and everyone’s trying to go back through and figure out what she’s done and why memories surrounding her seem to be foggy. Meanwhile there’s a book she left behind which appears to be sentient, and which Marc’s taken a liking too...

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Find the Sentimonster by @taketwoinink:

Nino has a lot of conspiracies. He watched one too many mystery movies and now fancies himself a detective. It's not often that he gets the entire class together for an interrogation, but it's never fun. Chloe makes everyone's life miserable and Marinette and Lila never get along.

And this time? Secret sentimonsters in their class? The fate of Paris hanging in the balance?

Mylene doesn't need this stress in her life.

This is based off of an episode of Glitch Techs, so if you’ve seen the show, it might be familiar. I just really enjoyed watching the class trying to puzzle out who the sentimonster spy might be, with all the wild accusations and theories being hurled around, especially knowing the actual truth.

Come Take My Hand by @carelisswriting:

Luka heard his soulmate for the first time when he was ten. All he knows about her is that she likes fencing. It's just a coincidence that Kagami likes fencing, right?

(Lukagami Soulmate AU, written for the Miraculous Ladybug Secret Santa Exchange!)

I’m a sucker for soulmate fics, and this had an interesting take on it, with your soulmate able to hear you thinking only about the thing you’re most passionate about. Loved Kagami’s way of showing Luka she’s his soulmate especially!

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When Feelings Are Too Big For Words by ClockworkCaptain:

When Luka takes a gig playing for a drag show he's falls hard and fast for the drag queen Buttercup who uses her performances to work through her own emotions. Meanwhile Adrien's been using drag to work through his own emotions and thinks maybe Luka coming back into his life and showing interest might mean a second chance.

Made for @mlsecretsanta 2022

Published on New Year’s Eve, this just barely makes it to the deadline for this list. I’m glad I don’t need to wait a year to talk about it though! One of the issues I tend to have with Luka shipfics, and with Lukadrien especially (though I think Lukanette actually has this problem worse) is how Luka tends to disappear within the fic and the pairing, feeling more like “The Love Interest” than his own person. Not so here! While most of the intrigue surrounds Adrien, I still got the sense of Luka being his own person, not just existing in the fic for Adrien.

 I adored Adrien getting to display an aspect of himself through persona and performance - that does align well with how he approaches Chat Noir -  and overall I just had a lot of fun with this fic!

[goodolddumbbanana]

I just realised something...

If not because of Ruin, Sun would have died due to how isolated he was (unintentionally) and with the enormous number of Creators around being threatening.

But... Then why would Dark Sun keep implying Sun would die if Ruin's plan succeeded to Moon while in fact, it is the opposite? And how he sounded so nonchalant about it when in the latest episode, he revealed our Sun has some special role in his plans? That he did everything because of Sun?

Because isn't he did all that to get Nexus, he did all that to keep Sun alive?

And thanks for one post that I don't remember their name (really helpful if some @ it for me), Dark Sun's toned voice shift becomes bitter and hatred when he mentioned Sun as Nexus's brother, while when he was being ominous with Nexus in the past, he is so casually throwing the fact that your brother would be dead.

Then it just hit me. Dark Sun was lying. Not technically because Sun's death is like a canon event ever but he twisted it. He twisted the truth into what he wanted and manipulated Nexus.

The brother, the Sun he mentioned was Solar, not Sun. Because it seems like you can only pick Solar or Sun in that event. If Sun lives, then Solar will die. And if Solar dies, then Sun will live.

Because we see in the simulation, Solar and Nexus would become closer, in different stimulation, Nexus yelling 'don't let me kill you, brother' to Solar, and he seemingly accepts that Sun is dead so quickly, (due to his hallucinations dream about the world similarities like that), not like with Solar, when he even not believing it is happening.

And for now, Nexus only calls Solar as his brother, even if it is just some mocking terms.

So according to Dark Sun pov, it is Solar Nexus's Sun, it is Solar Nexus's brother. And he gladly says that, because He hates how Sun is just a brother, for Moon, for Nexus.

(I am not saying it like Nexus doesn't care about Sun. I say it because he cares so deeply about Sun and the love he has for Sun always hurts him deeply, and he feels like he needs to live up to some expectation because of it.

He feels like he is a monster because he is Moon, but he also wants to be the Moon who is totally unphase of anything and so cruel and smartass.

The term Moon is like a chain for Nexus so when he gets rid of it, he prays for his feelings about Sun to go as well.

But he can't.

He called Solar his brother, Earth his sister, but Sun is like a bleeding wound for him that he couldn't mention Sun as anything if not family.

Like Moon, Nexus? These creatures. The little good boy, little jester. Lunar, he straight up says Lunar never cares about him and daydream about ripping that boy apart, draining his star power. He doesn't even care if Lunar has friends from the other side, he doesn't even care about the Astral Bodies.

Earth? Solar? He would hurt her again and he will kill Solar if he sees that orange boy on sight.

But when Dark Sun asks about kidnapping Sun, Nexus just shrugs his head and says Moon might track him if that happens and how is it too much work to do?

While that emo boy just shows up and tortures the shit out of Moon and leaves with no trace, and rather cracks Sun's code for weeks than just straight up tearing Sun apart like what Creator would do if he captures Sun?

Nexus not only wants Sun gone when he mentioned he would kill Sun and Moon. He wants Sun to go off sight, he wants to never see Sun or hear Sun's name anymore because he knows how much it hurts when actual interact with Sun.

He is no longer Moon, so what is he with Sun when the old one has come back, when all the strings are gone but Sun is still there?

He is in his identity crisis, and Sun is the centre of the eye of the storm. )

MF Just lying for himself and that is so sad.

And... I feel like Dark Sun wants Sun to go with him. Into his lab willingly. Because the sound of him is so interesting when he asks Nexus if he will kidnapped Sun and how he said he did all that for Sun giving me Sus.

[raphael-angele]

Part 3 of:

Questions I have for PJO readers so I can verify if my headcanons have some accuracy in them:

Sorry. I'm having a religious identity crisis right now.

Did Bianca and Nico ever show sign of being Catholic/Christian?

There are a few things I know about what happened. I know that they moved from Italy to America to get away from the war. I know Hades was present in their lives for some time. I know that he offered Maria to keep them in the Underworld despite Persephone. I know how Maria died. I know they drank from the Lethe to forget what happened before they lived in the hotel.

I ask this question because I headcanon Bianca to be nonchalant about a lot of things.

I know that they were raised Christian because at the time, religion was a big deal. And I headcanon that Maria was a very religious woman and taught her children about religious teachings.

When Maria died and they were basically abandoned, Bianca questioned her faith in God and why bad things were happening to them. She ended up losing her faith and started to see things as if they weren't a big deal at all. Like she couldn't give less of a fuck about it if it didn't impact the whole of humanity.

Let's say that for some reason her faith didn't wash away when she drank from the Lethe.

If she lived, I think she would have refused to believe that their father was a God because then her suspicions would be true that everything she's been taught about God would have been a lie. Because instead of the loving God described to her, this God of a father they have abandoned them. She refused to believe that it was "for their safety" because she thinks that if their father really wanted them safe, he would have thought of another way.

"Bianca, please." Hades begged but Bianca turned her back and refused to listen. "I wanted to take you. I really did. But your mother..." his voice cracked at the thought of Maria di Angelo. "She wanted you to live up there. She wanted you to be able to live a normal life." he explained. "When she died, I couldn't risk you and your brother dying as well"

"So you left?" Bianca faced the God. "You thought it would be best to just drop us off to a hotel like you could just hand us over to someone else to take care of?! No one was even looking after us there! I had to look after Nico. I had to RAISE Nico to make sure he was healthy, and happy, and that he didn't feel alone!"

Hades looked at his daughter as tears brimmed her eyes, threatening to roll down her cheeks. "You call yourself a God when a God is supposed to look after you, and guide you, and love you!" She yelled "WHERE WERE YOU?"

"Bianca, I left you at that Hotel because it was the only place where I knew your safety would be guaranteed. Zeus wouldn't have been able to find you there, you'd be safe, and you'd be well taken care of. I couldn't bring you to the Underworld because it's not what your mother would have wanted."

"What she would have wanted was to have you raise us"

"I couldn't." Hades cried. "I couldn't have looked after you here in the Underworld. You would've been unhappy, and lonely, and depraved. You wouldn't have wanted it" he said. "This" he gestured to all around him. "This is Hell. This is what your mother was afraid where you'd end up. And she was right about how terrible it is and how terrible it would have been if you stayed here."

Bianca stared her father right in the eyes just as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Then what difference would it have made?"

[rarepears]

Ok I was rereading your "Break news: Westeros lord marries a stranger?" Fic and I am almost sure Jinwoo would be the kind of parent that would gift those super expensive security stuff (like those necklaces that point to your ubi and stuff like that

But of course he can just teleport himself to the child and they have the shadows to protect them

But I just imagine him looking through the system's shop and seeing these jewelry that looks beautiful, maybe has a leon charm or a sword that looks like one of Jaime's drawings and he goes: why not?

So he buys some, cause the children are the kind of using different accessories for the week and he just thought that those earrings were very pretty and that bracelet wouldn't interfere with sword practice

And look! That ring would look really pretty on Tywin (cues their drama cause one of Jinwoo's books told about this tradition) and why not? :D this isn't the first gift he gave to him

So yeah, in my mind Jinwoo is the parent that buys his family everything they want and doesn't see a problem, they work very hard and deserve a reward and he likes to spoil them

Firstly, what is "ubi"? Because I'm thinking "universal basic income" and that's not what you're referring to. If you were thinking more along the lines of "gps", that wouldn't be possible since GPS requires satellites to circle the planet that Westeros is located and the GPS chip uses said satellites (on a very precise orbit) to decode and compute the precise location of said chip. Unless Jinwoo starts importing satellites to float around Westeros...

Something that I was consciously writing into this fic was Jinwoo and Jinah's kind of over the top gifting/shopping. They went from buying only the bare necessities (and some times not even that) to now having more money than they could ever spend. This sudden swing in financial purchasing power is making them go a little crazy like how Jinah is buying waaaaay too many clothes for Jinwoo to wear and paying a lot of attention to Jinwoo's PR. At least Jinah has a bit of Sudden Wealth Syndrome - a bit of an identity crisis because she can suddenly afford to spend money on her hobbies and other wants, fear that Jinwoo needs a backup plan in case he gets too injured to keep clearing gates, and also not quite knowing who she is going to be as a person (because she is just a teenager).

Then there's Jinwoo's mom who doesn't quite know if it's her place to say anything about the siblings' shopping spree. These kids are so incredibly independent from what she remembered before her coma; do they really need her, a parent, around? And it's not like they can't afford to spend with Jinwoo's current income. Their mom doesn't really know her place in the family dynamic now, so she's kind of backed off and is quietly looking on. She's not spending money if she can't because it's not her money; but she's also not sure what she could or should be doing, so she does things like make a cloak for a lion, cook meals for what she thinks are Jinwoo's friends, and try to make herself useful and not appear overbearing to her suddenly-so-mature-and-independent-children.

And then there's Jinwoo who is just a hoarder and now finally has the means to spoil all his loved ones because he feels very guilty that he couldn't give Jinah a proper childhood while their mom was in a coma. Jinah missed out a lot, he thinks, because of his inability to provide.

So yes, here's a mini character analysis about the Sung family's relationship with money and gifts.

[hazbin-loony-bin]

You know the Angel Sir Pentious thing has SUCH great potential for angst. Cherri has acted as a corruptive influence for Angel Dust, not respecting his desire to change: therefore, she could similarly jeopardize Pent. Or perhaps he’s entirely committed to Heaven after seeing how great it is and bonding with everyone there. Cherri however is perfectly comfortable in Hell: she gets to do all the drugs she wants and play ascended arsonist and there’s no pesky police like in the world of the living.

sure there’s also this burning sensation that all sinners experience but she’s kinda numbed to it by now and she was running from dwelling on pain even when she was alive

So Pentious is hurt, like so many before him, of an addict choosing their drugs over their significant other.

AD doesn’t know what to do exactly- he always hated people like Vaggie giving him grief and had to grow into the decision to quit himself, so he tries to respect Cherri’s ‘autonomy’ that way, but also is upset that she and he would be separated the same way if he manages redemption, and is also ofc feeling for Pent since they’d grown a little closer due to Charlie’s efforts and Angel was the one who tried to set them up.

Do people KNOW Pent is now in Heaven? Does Sera try to hide it? Does Emily help them have secret rendezvous? Is that even possible?

If it isn’t?

If they can only communicate by go-between? (or perhaps holograms like Adam uses, for slightly less angst but still ‘I can’t touch you’)

If it’s public, tho

perhaps Cherri does want to reform, but she simply, as Alastor predicted for most sinners, perpetually falls back down the addiction hole.

Pentious considers giving up Heaven for her- she tells him don’t even think about it.

Charlie is a mess- she doesn’t necessarily want to tell Pentious what to do, but her now-poster-child possibly giving up his graciously bestowed and, to her mind, hard-won position is absolutely driving her insane. What if people lose heart if he backs out? Why would he give up something so good on someone he barely knows?

She doesn’t understand it personally NOR politically.

perhaps she does mellow on one of the angles (understanding him) but not the other (“you’re a landmark case” “you have eternity” “surely you can put this off at the very least”)

Emily chats with Pent and discusses how many angels don’t have partners and that’s more of a norm than in Hell and Earth. When you’re emotionally whole, you just aren’t as driven to depend so desperately on other people.

Pentious fears that that means losing a part of himself and, even though it’s a mistaken takeaway and it’s not the point, has an identity crisis just the same.

Culture shock affects the entire gang as they hear how different everything possible is in Heaven. Some of them are happy for him, some of them are jealous.

Alastor has a grand old time gleefully exploiting that angst and watching carefully for any deep enough despair to make deals.

He’s so far removed from the possibility himself + aroace that any kind of separation he identifies with not one bit

until it seems that Rosie-

[y2kbugs]

Why Rincewind deserves your love

Tumblr loves characters like Rincewind right now. The sad, weary one who really doesn't want to be here but does it anyway cause no one else bothered, and is often vulnerable, cowardly, and a weakling compared to everyone else. In other words, the pathetic wet cat, the poor little meow meow.

Vimes is also a perfect example of this archetype, he's there and he's great, but Rincewind to me is a sort of hidden gem bogged down by the author's early writing and the struggle to live up to those later, more deep characters. It doesn't really help that Pratchett also got bored of writing him, and only felt obligated because he had fans (which in a way sounds like Rincewind himself), but...

The first two books aren't even bad. The only thing I'd say is that TCOM has some confusing writing going on and feels more like a collection of stories but it's good and could be better if rewritten. Rincewind is a wonderful character and Twoflower is a delight. TLF is a definite improvement writing and character wise and gives development to Rincewind.

He's not "a weak character who doesn't do anything but run". He is not badly written. He is a character who does not want to be the hero but does it anyway. He has deep empathy and believes that throwing your life away for a good cause is inherently selfish rather than selfless (and! he does this himself, kind of. He does make a sacrifice to help somebody, but he lives).

He isn't stupid. He might be the smartest character in his books, but that's more because the other characters are relatively kind of dumb. The only thing he's really bad at is being a wizard, that's it. He's not a good wizard, but he's a great strategist, he knows a lot about magic, knows almost every language on Discworld and this was how he got to know Twoflower in the first place. I would call him an average intelligence and very high wisdom character in DnD. He's intensely rational and will point out gaps in reasoning and logic. He might be a pessimist, but he has experience and he's going to use that.

That's not to say he doesn't make mistakes. He absolutely does, but making dumb mistakes is much different from willful and sheer ignorance which he does not display.

His hat says "Wizzard" because it's supposed to be a pun on "he can't spell", and it's highly unlikely that he actually misspelled it not knowing the actual spelling considering he reads a lot.

He is very, very defensive and adamant about his identity as a wizard. It's pretty much everything to him and he has a crisis whenever other characters mock and have general distrust of wizards.

He's done the following:

Beat the shit out of an eldritch horror until it ran away from him (TLF),

forced an extremely powerful spell out of his head with sheer will (TLF),

Defeated the most powerful deceased wizard possessing a magical staff with only a brick in a sock, and took both himself and the wizard's son into the Dungeon Dimensions, where he fought back creatures to allow the boy to escape. (Sourcery)

Gave the boy a speech about how it's important to not let anyone define who you are as a person and no one should have to tell you what to do (Sourcery)

Used a whole terracotta army to beat an entire army, and succesffully intimidated them via psychological tricks. (Interesting Times)

Brought rain back to Fantasy Australia and talked back against Death who convinced him to give up. (TLC)

Maybe he's not the most sympathetic character, because he's not chivalrous or manly. He has no bravery and freely admits to being a coward, he's kind of a jerk who cools down as time goes on, and he's selfish enough that he thinks being selfless is a total waste of time and is selfish in itself. He's a cynic and a pessimist with a worldview shaped by his terrible experiences on Discworld, but he's very well-traveled even against his own will, and from this experience he knows precisely how to get out of danger, how to outsmart an individual (or a whole army) and more.

He's shown empathy. Being tired at the world at large and not liking the other wizards very much but going out of his way to save the world from a wizard gone rogue anyway because nobody else bothered to and he's angry, saving a boy from his abusive father's power and diving headfirst into the Dungeon Dimensions, trying to convince an "army" of mostly children why trying to fight against a legitimate army of warriors is a horrible idea and will only get them killed, Helping some thirsty sheep out to get access to water despite not needing to, bringing rain back to Fantasy Australia even though he could have given up and gone home at any moment, being made a "test subject" for the wizard's project in creating Roundworld/Earth, learning aabout the life on there over millions of years and talking about how hard it is for life to grow on there in its earliest millions of years, teaching Roundworld inhabitats the importance of art and creativity not only to outsmart the elves but because he wanted to (while the other wizards considered him stupid for this idea).

And he doesn't want to be a hero, he has no obligation to and is perfectly happy just being alone in the library and reading old books. He wants a life of peace and quiet and nothing life-threatening, but unfortunately he's pushed into these situations. Often though instead of simply resigning himself and giving up altogether, he sucks it up and goes and does it anyway with the expectation that he can go home in the end. That, and by now he's already expected this is his role: to fix shit and go home, even though he'd love to have someone else do his job.

It rubs me the wrong way to see people call him one-dimensional or just "the guy that is scared and runs away"...That to me is like simply calling Vimes "the depressed cop who drinks a lot" or Granny Weatherwax "the old witch who kicks ass". Of course the character will seem one dimensional if you describe them that way. Vimes is better written overall and gets better development for sure, which is also what his character is built for, as well as a more serious story that doesn't lend itself as well to basically slapstick. Rincewind isn't built for overcoming his fears, but rather his selfish attitude and to finally find peace with himself, and he works as a comedic character while also balancing out the fact he can be anything other than a clown or coward.

He gets what he always wanted in the end too. Pratchett might not have wanted to write him anymore, but instead of simply putting him on a bus, he gave Rincewind a position at Unseen University, only dampened by the fact the other wizards clearly don't respect him, therefore he can't really be a professor as a job, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he loves that. He gets free food, a quiet place to stay, and has zero obligations. He's happy, and the last thing we know of him is that he's studying the effects of plants on the nervous system (Raising Steam), and he's very important in the Science Of Discworld series, initially being a test subject and later being the "to go" for information about Roundworld/Earth, even getting to keep the globe in his room.

[beginnerblueglass]

I finished Titans S3 and it's everybody's problem!

No, I have not yet seen S4, I just felt that seasons 1-3 formed a perfect little three-part story, and I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS

About six years ago I was a staunch Marvel fan living in a Marvel household, and I was in deep. DC was not spoken of in my home, EXCEPT for a little annoying cartoon called Teen Titans GO! that my younger siblings were obsessed with. I never liked it very much, but I was forced to watch.. a lot of it. At the time I had a habit of going onto IMdB every day and watching all the new trailers. Imagine my surprise when I noticed a new trailer for a show called Titans. "Oh, they're making a live-action show about the Teen Titans? How interesting!" Then I watched it. I was horrified. Horrified. Why is it so dark? Why is it so violent? Why does it look so scary? Why is there so much blood? Why is Starfire killing someone? Did that grown man dressed as Robin, covered in blood, just say "f*ck Batman"? What is happening? I decided right then that I never wanted anything to do with this show, and for the next several years I heard nothing more about it. What happened since then? I don't know. I grew up and became interested in DC? After I saw it while browsing Netflix, I looked it up. Most of the reviews were meh to negative, but I decided to give it a try, just starting with a few episodes.

And oh my goodness?????

This show surprised me so hard.

Season one is rough. It's very dark and gritty and violent. Like the creators are saying, "Look at me!! I'm edgy!" The subject matter is extremely dark, there is minimal music and almost no soundtrack, the language is coarse, and the colour scale is ✨grey✨. At first, this was very offputting, especially since seasons two and three have a completely different tone. The Doylist explanation is just that the creators were doing the cliche "kid's media adapted for adults, and make it unmistakably for adults," thing. But the Watsonian explanation? Ooh boy, that's interesting.

One thing that I found so captivating about this show is how the audience's viewpoint is halfway inside the main character's head. So much of this show is Dick Grayson's internal mental landscape presenting itself onscreen. We see his dreams, visions, flashbacks, memories, and hallucinations. Whole episodes take place inside his head, and the things going on in his head regularly escape. This happens at times on some level with the other characters, but when Dick is onscreen it's like he pulls the audience in and we see things the way he sees them. This show does "immersive" very well.

Why is the first season so dark, Watsonian-ly speaking? (Watsonian-ly?) Because this is set during the darkest time in Dick's life. He's depressed and suffering from an identity crisis, he doesn't feel like a human being and has cut himself off from everyone who cares about him. Why is there no soundtrack? Because pop songs aren't really going through Dick's head right now. Why is there little to no humour? Well, Dick isn't really feeling the jokes at the moment. Why is there so little colour? He's seeing everything in bleak shades of grey (of course, Kori comes into his life in a pop of colour 🥰). He is completely immersed in a cycle of violence and bloodshed that he doesn't know how to get out of, and it's torturous. The tone of the season matches his mental state perfectly. It is easy to watch? No, but if we're looking at it this way, it shouldn't be easy.

Dick begins the healing process starting in season two, and the tone immediately shifts. There's colour and a soundtrack!! There's humour and even some happiness! The Doylist explanation, of course, is that audiences didn't want more seasons like S1, so they made the tone a little more friendly. But the Watsonian explanation is that Dick is in a better place, mentally and emotionally, so his surroundings respond in kind. This continues through season three.

Now, the action-centred plot lines in seasons 1-3 range from being really interesting, to really boring, to being absolutely riddled with plot holes. Don't watch this show for that reason. Watch it for the character-centred emotional arcs. They don't disappoint. Seasons one, two, and three form a three-act story, centred on Dick's emotional journey expressed in his relationships with Bruce Wayne on one side, and Jason Todd on the other. Dick's journey of blame, anger, running away, self-examination, and forgiveness is repeated in each season, but it doesn't feel repetitive, it feels symmetrical.

(I already made a post about how I feel that they dropped the ball right at the end of season two in this regard, so the "forgiveness" aspect of the cycle didn't really land, but that's why God gave me an imagination.)

In season one, Dick blames Bruce Wayne for making him into what he is (a killer, someone who is capable of terrible things, who has hurt people, and will continue hurting people, as he doesn't know any other way to live). He is so steeped in that anger that he has become someone he barely recognizes. A year ago, he ran away, cutting himself off from everyone and everything. After being thrust into a mission to protect a young girl who needs his help, Dick is forced to do some self-examination. In the end, he realizes that healing for himself will only begin if he takes some responsibility for his own actions and forgives Bruce.

In season two, since he is no longer blaming Bruce for all his problems, Dick is blaming himself. Again, the resulting anger causes problems, he tries to run away, and he ends up being forced to take a hard look at himself. He realizes that his running away is selfish and isn't fixing anything and that healing, both for himself and the people he's hurt, will only come once he takes responsibility for his actions and forgives himself.

In season three, there's a three-way system of blame between Dick, Bruce, and Jason. Jason blames Bruce and Dick for setting him up to be Robin and then (as he sees it, and he's not totally off-base) giving up on him and casting him aside. Bruce blames himself for failing first Dick, then Jason. And Dick, having learned to stop blaming either Bruce or himself, blames Jason for turning evil. Whew! The cycle I was talking about comes to a crescendo in this season, and the resolution is so satisfying. This time, it's Jason who lashes out in anger and it's Bruce who runs away. Dick still has to do the "self-examination" thing though. In the end, he comes to realize that (you guessed it) healing for all the people involved will only begin when each party takes responsibility for their actions and forgives each other. Dick begins with himself; he realizes that he is partly responsible for the way Jason turned out, so he is the first to extend his hand in both an apology and forgiveness, which begins the healing process, which literally cleanses Gotham City. It's beautiful, ok?

The themes of fatherhood and family trauma are so subtly interwoven throughout the story, but it's powerful. The show shines a spotlight on the effects of all the father/son relationships and makes them the beating heart of the storyline. It's actually beautiful how Dick's final internal battle ends with a vision of both his past and his future: he sees himself as a little boy with his birth father, who announces that he will always love Dick no matter what, and then he sees his own future daughter. Father/child relationships are a powerful force in this show. They are the source of great pain, harm, and damage, as well as great strength, hope, and love.

This show has changed my brain chemistry.

One more thing. Dick is portrayed by Brenton Thwaites. Do you know who he is? Let me now confess that he was my first celebrity crush. I saw him in The Giver and I was gone, but I don't think I'm biased when I say that he is such a good Dick Grayson it isn't funny. He plays "internally haunted" extremely well, as well as all the other things Dick Grayson needs to be. Now Iain Glen as Bruce Wayne really threw me at first, but I have to admit he has grown on me. He's an older Bruce Wayne, kind of the spiritual successor of Adam West, minus the campiness. Not the best Bruce Wayne in cinematic history, but give him a chance. His scenes with Dick and Jason are *chef's kiss.*

There's more to the show than Just Dick, Bruce, and Jason, but like I said, they're the beating heart of the show. I could go on, but I have to go eat dinner now, and get started on season four. Happy ending, here I come!!

[dontbooatme]

DPXBNHA

Aizawa uses Erasure on Danny but he just splits in two, Fenton and Phantom, like in the Identity Crisis episode. Sorry, plot vomit again

Once they're split, Aizawa's quirk works normally on both of them, but Phantom doesn't have a second form to change into. So it doesn't effect his appearance/give away his identity. And he's more ghost-like post-split. He doesn't eat, sleep, breath. (No pulse, just justice)

Queue confusion cause now everyone thinks they're supposed to be two separate people.

They think Danny was being possessed by Phantom.

I kind of think it would be fun if their powerset was more connected than it was in the show. Like: Phantom's using intangibility, so Fenton can't. And goddamnit, Phantom, that's the only power Danny registered for a quirk. He can't use anything else in front of the teachers.

Fenton is taken into protective custody by Aizawa, and ultimately enrolled in UA's hero track

With only Intangibilty registered as his quirk.

Aizawa takes Fenton in pretty quickly after the split. Phantom is considered a villain. And the pros think Danny needs protection from him. But fresh from the split, he notices a lot of things wrong with the teenager in his care. His reactions to everything seem pretty strange. Some things he should react to, don't make him upset.

So there's still a personality split.

Phantom is considered a villain

(Unfortunately, Fenton got his love of astronomy, but he knows nothing about space. Phantom's the one with all the facts and could care less. Danny didn't know he could be this annoying. In UA, after Danny admits how much he loves space. Izuku tries to bond with him about it. It doesn't go well. He thought he'd just bring it up and let Danny rant at him like he wishes people would let him do. But Izuku ends up info dumping more. Some of the facts he dumps about end up being inaccurate, cause he's a hero nerd, not a space nerd. But Danny can't explain it right to correct him. He just knows it's wrong.)

The personality split should be a little more subtle in this au than in the show. So, kinda crack taken seriously, I guess. When bnha characters finally meet both halves, it's like there's a sense of deja vu. The two are similar, but different at the same time.

Like Danny's need to protect, for example. Phantom's still the more heroic between the two of them. But both halves feel a sense of duty and responsibility.

Fenton is the one who embodies Danny's self-preservation. He gets separated from Phantom, and makes every decision he can to keep them both safe and not arrested until they can fix the disconnect caused by Aizawa's quirk.

Phantom on the other hand, has no sense (of self-preservation.) He throws himself into vigilantism without a care to the consequences he could face. And this leaves Fenton scrambling to pull some string somewhere in the background that'll get Phantom away from the heroes, or keep the heroes distracted until he can trap Phantom in the thermos.

Fenton doesn't feel the same duty to protect other people that he did before. Meaning he will pull some reckless stunts to lure heroes away, or to lure Phantom somewhere so he can trap him. And actually fix this.

So Phantom's assumed to be the villain, but Fenton is the morally ambiguous one between the two of them.

Fenton protects himself (and by extension, Phantom) while Phantom protects everyone, except himself (including Fenton. Fenton is the one person Phantom won't go out of his way to protect. He's the loophole in Phantom's obsession. Which doesn't help the misconception that he's a villain who's targeting Fenton)

Aizawa is proud of Fenton's self-preservation skills. The student who's most likely to survive and potentially retire from hero work. Or at least, that's the starting point of his view of Daniel James Fenton. He gets around to the idea that Fenton, like some students he could mention, might be pursuing hero work for the wrong reasons.

No one in UA knew what to make of the new exchange student.

On the surface level, he seemed like a perfectly average, normal kid with a lucky quirk. Bakugou fumed when he heard the new guy had a quirk that mimicked one of UA's Big 3. Intangibility.

Danny's skills with it weren't as finely polished as Mirio's...

But at the same time, Danny's intangibility didn't have the same drawbacks as Mirio's did. Whether or not that was a good thing was still up in the air. Mirio did find ways to turn his weaknesses into strengths in his time at UA. And he would make a first-class hero when he graduated.

Maybe it wasn't completely fair. But most people couldn't help but think this kid would show up and show out in ways that were just as impressive.

No one knew exactly what kind of trouble the new kid was in. But the idea that he was in some kind of trouble was obvious in how closely he was watched by the teachers.

Izuku, fresh out of the Hosu Incident, just wants to help the transfer student being hunted down by a villain. He knows he's not supposed to get involved. He's not even supposed to know how seriously this guy was in trouble. But how is he supposed to just stand aside? The guy absolutely refuses to so much as acknowledge he's being targeted. And he refuses to follow any of the safety measures their teachers put in place. He sneaks away constantly. Izuku doesn't think he's spent so much as one full night in his dorm room.

He has a sick feeling in his stomach that Fenton's rejecting any help from heroes to solve his problem alone. As a vigilante.

Just like Iida.

Fenton and Phantom still merge back into one person at the end, but before they do, Phantom will be tempted when the League shows up. Particularly when the offer to make Phantom a body, his own body (a Nomu, unbeknownst to him) is set in front of him.

This is especially tempting considering how reckless Fenton is with other people. Phantom starts getting the idea that Fenton is his dark side, and he's a better hero when they're separated. (This would contrast Aizawa, who's goal is to raise up good heroes with good self-preservation instincts. So self-preservation being a necessary skillset for young heroes would be a big theme here)

(Though, I'm kinda split on the idea of them merging back together, or saying they grow into their own people and Aizawa adopts twins. On the other hand, I like the idea of using the Phantom/Fenton split as a device to explore Danny's character, aka trauma boy. Danny has a whole host of self-esteem issues. And post-split that presents as a deep dislike of his counterpart. On both sides of the split. So, kind of a journey of self-love/learning to love the parts of himself he hates kind of thing)

Maybe Fenton even gets a little bit involved with the GIW in this au. So, they'd exist in bnha. Whether they followed Danny there or ghosts do actually exist in bnha, I'm not sure yet.

He doesn't join them. But in the same way that Phantom doesn't join the League. Danny doesn't set off the GIW's sensors unless he uses their powers. And after failing to catch Phantom for so long, he gets the idea that he needs better ghost hunting equipment.

So, his actions kind of mirror Phantom's in a way.

Phantom wants his own body to make his separation from Fenton permanent. And he's tempted with help from the League. Danny's primary goal is to find Phantom so they can merge back into one person. And he needs access to equipment the GIW has.

So I guess that would make this another "stranded in the bnha verse" kind of au. Starting to feel a little one track minded about that 😬 oops.

I like the drama of Phantom pursuing his humanity in any way but merging with his human half again. While Fenton just wants to go back to being one person.

There would probably be a scene where Danny uses cryonkineses against Endeavor in a way that leaves the man hospitalized. It's the first time Fenton does something to protect someone else. And he does it because he knows Todoroki, and knows all the trauma Todoroki has because of his father.

Phantom's never met Todoroki though. All he sees is Fenton going overboard against a pro-hero. And this would probably be the scene that cements Fenton as Phantom's darkside, in Phantom's mind. And out Fenton as someone with multiple quirks, to Aizawa and class 1-A.

If we go with the idea that Fenton and Phantom remain separated in the end, that would probably also mark the point where they start growing apart/into distinct individuals.