#and now everything is different . giving him an identity crisis

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sick for it

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[steviesbicrisis]

A Barbie AU where the Kens decide, in order to get some recognition, to get individual names.

Steve, who’s just a Ken very good with kids, is having an identity crisis after his Barbie, journalist Barbie, broke up with him.

Not even picking a name as unique and special as Steve, so much different than Ken, managed to cheer him up.

Everyone keeps saying he should be happy about the change, and discover who he is outside of Barbie’s orbit, but he can’t see what was so wrong in their relationship. He loved waiting all day for Barbie to look at him, even if it was for a brief second.

As if going through an existential crisis wasn't enough, he has to do it under the constant mocking of his archnemesis, Ke- Eddie.

Eddie, with his long curly and annoyingly gorgeous hair, who has a sense of style he would give all of his rollerblades for, and who's always there to notice whenever Steve makes a mistake.

Eddie even has his Barbie still by his side, cheerleader Barbie, and every time Steve sees them together he gets a sick feeling in his stomach, like a tummy ache. Doctor Barbie visited him a couple of times and found nothing wrong with him, he imagines he's a little jealous of Eddie for being with a Barbie.

Steve talks about this with Polyglot Barbie, his best friend, annoying her to death.

"Why are we talking about Ken, again?" she interrupts Steve's retelling of his last encounter with Eddie.

"It's Eddie" Steve corrects her.

"Right," she nods. She's very supportive of their silly-name-thing (how most Barbies call it), but she still has trouble remembering all the names, "why are we still talking about him?"

They're hanging out at the park, sitting under a tree, Barbie's leg on top of his, and they're holding hands. It's nice. Steve is happy to have a best friend like Barbie.

Steve looks up, meeting Eddie's gaze. He's sitting at one of the picnic tables not far away from them, doing nothing besides glaring at Steve.

Barbie squeezes his hand to get his attention back, and Steve looks away.

"Because he keeps tormenting me! he's even glaring at me right now, I'm gonna get stress wrinkles!" Steve finally replies, in a distressed tone.

"You're being dramatic," she says, matter-of-factly, "Eddie isn't so bad with you. You know, he kinda treats you like his Barbie."

If Steve had a beating heart, it probably would've stopped right at this second.

"What?"

"You know, he's always looking for you, he is always giddy whenever you give him a crumble of attention. He hangs out where you hang out... why do you think he's sitting all alone at a picnic table, just staring at you?"

"Maybe he's waiting for his girlfriend" he suggests.

"Are you talking about Cheerleader Barbie?" she giggles, "she's not his girlfriend, trust me."

"But he picks on me! all the time! Like this morning, I tripped and he made a comment about my legs!" He gestures at his legs with his free hand.

Barbie tilts her head to the side "you mean this morning at the beach when he held you in his arms for ten minutes to prevent you from falling and Barbie had to tell him to let you go?"

"… yeah” he manages to say. He hadn’t realized how long Eddie held him in his arms, he was upset about almost falling in front of him, but he also liked the feeling of his arms around him.

Everything feels different now.

Barbie's look softens "How does this make you feel?"

"I don't know" he answers, honestly "I just can't stop thinking about him."

A loud noise at their right startles them off of their conversation. They turn around to see Eddie lying on the floor, a trash can at his feet.

Steve doesn't give himself the time to realize that Eddie has probably heard their entire conversation and has tripped on that trash can because of it, he just rushes to Eddie's side to help him out.

Eddie stammers while Steve pulls him back up, not making much sense.

Steve is used to see Eddie as an intimidating guy, someone to compete with for Barbie’s attention. He never realized how much he liked to have Eddie’s attention instead, nor how he loved to give that attention back in equal amount.

“Nice legs” he tells him, repeating the same words Eddie told him that morning.

Eddie stops his incoherent stream of words when he hears him “what?”

“You heard me” Steve says.

“I did” Eddie admits. He pulls the trash can back up, to have an excuse to not look at Steve when he asks “you can’t stop thinking about me?”

For some reason, that’s the easiest question Steve has ever had to answer to “yes, I can’t.”

Eddie jolts back up startling Steve, the trash can falling out of his hands and hitting the ground once again.

“Cool” he says, using all of his willpower to hide his excitement by keeping a relaxed face, failing miserably.

“I guess” Steve grins. Knowing he has that effect on Eddie is making him the most confident he has ever felt in his life.

“So, since you can’t stop thinking about me…” Eddie repeats, in a tone that Steve would’ve mistaken for a mocking one until few hours ago “…we could hang out on the beach later. I’ll bring my guitar.”

“I’ll bring mine too then” Steve replies immediately.

Eddie panics “We can’t both have a guitar!”

Steve crosses his arms on his chest “who says that?”

Eddie opens and closes his mouth a couple of times then mutters, defeated, “fine.”

“Great!” Steve takes a step forward and gives Eddie a peck on his cheek “I’ll see you later.”

Eddie, who makes a face again trying to hide his excitement, nods and turns away “cool.”

He walks away slowly, towards the park’s exit. Right by the gate, he throws himself into an hedge. Steve can clearly hear him when he screams words along the lines of “FINALLY”, “I HAVE A DATE” and “SUBLIME”.

Steve turns to Robin who has witnessed the whole thing, while Eddie is still screaming random words from the bushes.

“I think I’m in love.”

[prodagustd]

the road not taken | myg

part one: back home

Summary: To have the job you’ve always wanted and the life you’ve always dreamt of you had to break a few hearts, including your own. Four years later after running away from your home, your family and friends, you realized that maybe you fucked up; you’ve been a bad daughter, a bad sister and a bad friend. Getting your shit together seemed difficult enough, you didn’t expect that it included facing the first man who ever broke your heart: your brother’s best friend.

part two>

—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc

—rating: +18

—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)

—warnings/tags: angst, fluff, eventual smut, angst, sexual tension? lmao, slow burn, flashbacks, ANGST!! Btw english is not my first language !!

—words: 12k

—a/note: literally finding the courage to post this rn because yesterday i had an identity crisis and i wanted to delete everything!!! but i hope you like it more than me <3 feedback is very much appreciated, if you want to be on the taglist pls let me know!!

series masterlist | teaser | playlist

Four years ago.

In your almost twenty one years of life, you never had to spend the holidays without your eldest brother, you were never prepared for that. All the attention of your family was fixed on you now, making you feel like you were an only child for the first time. It felt weird, but nostalgic, like you were waiting for him to enter through the door at any moment. You supposed it was going to happen at some point, opening the gifts with just your mom, sitting on the front seat of the car for the first time while listening to christmas songs on the radio, only to arrive to your grandparents’ home and attempt to survive the questions of your future alone, that didn’t sound fun at all. 

Simon, your eldest brother, didn’t die, by the way, he just got a girlfriend. A girlfriend? Yes, a girlfriend, that word wasn’t part of his vocabulary, or at least it wasn’t a few years ago when he left for college, but now all of a sudden he had a serious one, the kind who invited their boyfriends to spend the holidays with their families. Now Simon wore knitted sweaters, drank black coffee and listened to all the bands your uncle liked, he grew up, or something like that, but you didn’t think he grew up enough to get a girlfriend, to fall in love. Well, you hoped he was in love, you didn’t meet the girl yet but you hoped he was, at least that was what he said. 

Yes, Christmas without your brother sounded a bit sad, but New Year’s eve on the other hand… didn’t sound so bad. 

If your brother’s absence would’ve happened years ago, you would’ve planned this the same way as always, getting drunk with your highschool friends at the only decent party that there was in your hometown around that time, only this time he wasn’t going to be around to tell you to stop drinking or to take the joint off your mouth when you failed to hide from him to smoke weed. But this year you got sick of all that, you got sick of the same faces from highschool and all the girls who approached you just because they wanted to fuck your brother, or all the girls who fucked your brother’s best friend, maybe you got sick of the same music, the same party, the same people. This year you felt like you were seventeen again, too afraid to wish that something different could happen, maybe this time you weren’t coming home alone after watching Yoongi giving the first kiss of the year to some random girl, maybe this time your heart wasn’t going to hurt that much. 

Yoongi, your brother’s best friend, was painfully always there in your life, you didn’t know how the mess that was your brother was able to have such a good friend, they knew each other even before you were born, when they were only four and met each other at basketball practice. Yoongi was always like your brother’s conscience, the voice of reason, the calm one, the designated driver ever since he was sixteen, the smart one, the boy every mother wanted as their son. Yoongi was the boy who helped you with your math homework when you were eleven, he was the boy who defended you when your brother made fun of you, the boy who gave you his joystick so you would stop crying when you found out your brother was making you play with the one that didn’t work. He was sweet and kind with everybody, you wished you knew that when you were twelve so you could save yourself the eternal heartache that came along with being in love with a man who only saw you as your brother’s little sister.

Yoongi was always mature, always wiser, always older. And you were always immature, always stubborn, always younger. Just a brat who couldn’t stand the fact that he was the only one you wanted, but the only one you couldn’t have.

Maybe forgetting about him when he went away to college was the best thing that happened to you, you pretended he didn’t exist during the school year and made yourself believe you got over it, that your heart didn’t jump every time you called your brother and you heard his voice in the background, that you didn’t read every birthday message he sent you since you were sixteen until you memorized them, that you didn’t compare every guy to him and that you weren’t annoyed when you realized that none of them was half as intelligent as him. You were obligated to pretend you weren’t condemned to look for his face in every crowd ever since you were a teenager. All that mental effort was wasted away when you came back home for the holidays and saw him sitting on your couch again. 

You repeated the cycle every year as you pretended that your heart wasn’t tired of it, like seeing him that morning in your kitchen didn’t make your heart drop like you were twelve years old again. 

It began when you heard voices coming from the second floor, an outburst of laughter, your mother’s laughter, and then the laugh that echoed so many times in your dreams, were you still in a dream? You thought you might be in one when you entered the kitchen and saw the long figure of the man, the long figure of Yoongi, sitting on a stool as he peeled a tangerine and listened to your mother talk, but the minute they noticed your presence they fell silent. 

Two pairs of eyes landed on your sleepy face, making you aware that you were wearing your old pajamas, the one that was pink and had a bunny pattern all over it. You locked eyes with him and it felt like it hadn't passed a day since the last time you saw him.

“What are you two gossiping about so early?” You wondered out loud, slowly approaching the aisle of the kitchen, slowly approaching Yoongi, whose hair was slightly shorter from the last time you saw him and whose cheeks were still red from the cold outside. You arrived three days ago, confidently thinking that even if your mind was a mess at least you didn't have to see your brother's best friend's face.

In your mind, you cursed your mom for always telling him that he will be forever welcomed in her house. 

“Why do you care?” He spat at you, following your figure with his eyes as you sat in one of the stools beside him. “That’s between your mom and me.”

“Dude,” You said under your breath, grabbing a tangerine from the bowl of fruits in front of you “You have to get a fucking girlfriend.” 

Your mother frowned, annoyed, but Yoongi is too used to you to do anything else but  laugh.

“God, darling, you barely open your eyes and you’re already cursing.” She complained, shaking her head in disapproval. You shrugged, pretending to pay full attention to the tangerine in your hands. 

“It’s fine, Lila. I can handle her.” He said, carefree as ever.

You scoffed, “Yeah, sure.” You played it cool, as if that didn’t make your heart jump a little.  “What are you doing here, anyway? Weren’t you supposed to come back for christmas?”

“Why?” He asked, “You want me gone?”

You saw a stupid smirk appear in his face, the same one you’ve seen countless times in the past. It seemed to be the only thing that could put out your cocky attitude.

“Don’t be stupid.” You managed to answer, running away from his eyes. 

You heard him sigh “I finished early, I arrived last night.” He answered the question, reaching his hand under the counter to pinch your thigh, as if that could shake off your bad attitude, plot twist: it only made it worse. “That’s what I was talking about with your mom, I left Simon behind while he was still dealing with exams.”

“Such a good friend.” You joked. 

“Maybe… But hey, he’s the one who ditched me for a girl after all.”

“Well, if it’s a pretty girl you can’t blame him so much.” 

“If you say so…” He hissed, rolling his eyes “What about you, huh?” He changed the topic “What are you doing here two weeks early?”

“You see, this is my house.” You quickly replied, putting the first tangerine segment between your lips to avoid saying the truth. He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.

Of course there was a coherent reason for why you weren’t in school right now, but since you arrived you couldn’t seem to quit the bad attitude, especially in the mornings, it was driving you crazy. 

“You shouldn’t ask, dear.” Your mom intervened, turning around to wash her mug previously filled with coffee  “Sensitive topic.”

Yoongi’s eyes shifted to you again, as well as his whole body, curiously raising his eyebrows. 

“Sensitive topic.” You mocked your mother, annoyed that she used such words. She was quick to disappear from the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone. You wondered if she was already tired of hearing you whine. 

“Don’t think I won’t ask you about it.” He smirked, stealing a segment of your tangerine just to annoy you. 

Oh, you were sure he would want all the details. 

“Whatever.” You gritted your teeth. “You only came to see Lila? I bet she would love to switch you with me.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Yoongi smugly said, ignoring the sudden annoyed look on your face, he was too used to it to be bothered by it. “But as much as I love your mom, I came to see you.”

You blinked, not sure what to say next. Now your angry expression turned into a surprised one, cursing yourself for feeling excited to hear that. You knew Yoongi finished early and was coming back home, you asked your brother about it last time he called you, you were just playing dumb when you asked, but when Simon told you he was going to be in town you didn’t expect to see him in your house the next day he arrived. 

“Me?” You tried to confirm.

“Yeah, you.” He said, booping the tip of your nose “Simon told me you’ve been having trouble with your car, I thought I could help.”

You nodded, that made more sense than him just coming to see you. 

“Simon is such a snitch.” You murmured.

“I can’t deny that…” He laughed, looking at you tearing apart your tangerine and putting another segment between your lips, “Do you… want me to help?” 

“Maybe…” You murmured “Do I have to pay you?”

“Maybe…” Yoongi answered, imitating your tone “Or you can just tell me why are you here before the break, I don’t know.”

You squinted at him, knowing it was just a matter of time until everybody found out you dropped out of college, but there was certain relief in delivering the news to Yoongi, something inside you told you he would understand.

“Bold of you to blackmail me when I know you won’t fix my car properly.” You accused him, mentioning that time he tried to fix your brand new car when something happened to it and you had to take it to his uncle’s garage when he made it worse. 

“C’mon, that was only once.”

“Let’s not make it twice, then.” You clapped your hands, getting off the stool to walk towards the stairs to your room again “Let me change first. And don’t try to seduce my mom while I’m gone, it won’t work.”

You heard his laugh from behind, and even if you thought about it, you didn’t dare to look back.

Not even five minutes later, you found yourself with him in your cold garage under the dim old light that provided you the tiny room. You supposed it was easier to open the garage door but you didn’t want your fingers to be frozen. 

You sat on the old desk in the corner of your garage as you watched Yoongi open the hood of your car, trying not to stare when pulled the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows. 

He was wearing a beige sweater that tightened around his shoulders and his waist, Simon told you that he and Yoongi started going to gym lately and you could tell, his back was wider than you remember and you hated how different he looked from the last time you saw him. 

You hated to think there were people who saw him everyday and couldn’t tell the difference. 

You looked at your feet hanging in the air, hearing him suck his breath just to let you know he was just about to start throwing questions at you. 

“So?” He asked, persistent as always. 

“So what?” You played dumb. 

“So?” He emphasized, not willing to give up. 

So? You didn’t know how to start. Serious talks weren’t your thing, and even if you knew that Yoongi wasn’t expecting that from you, you still felt a rush of nervousness when the absence of his voice filled the room, your cue to start talking. 

“Mmm… It’s difficult to explain.” You trailed off. “I’m starting to think that I might be the black sheep of the family.” 

Your words made him turn his head at you, curious to hear more. 

“The black sheep?” He repeated. 

“Yeah, I think so.” You confirmed, without saying anything else.

“Fine…” Yoongi scratched the back of his head, a bit confused, something that was normal when he was with you.  “You’re not giving me a lot of context.” 

You knew this, but making a joke was easier than telling the whole truth. You wished you could tell him jokes until he forgot what your mother told him. But no, your mother already opened her mouth and now you had to explain your life crisis to the man in front of you. 

 “Let’s just say.. I dropped out of the semester…” You mumbled, unsure of your own voice “but I’m thinking that it is not just the semester, maybe it’s the whole thing.”

Yoongi turned his whole body to you, paying full attention to your words “Really?” He asked, just in case you were joking, but by the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice he could tell that you weren’t playing. You just nodded “Why, though?”

“That’s something I’ve been asking myself.”

“You don’t know?” He chuckled, making you roll your eyes. 

“Maybe I don’t know.” You tried to admit, but that was a lie. 

“Mmm, but I think you do know, though.” He contradicted you, turning around to keep checking your car. 

“Well, kind of… Do you want me to tell you half of the truth or a lie?” You offered him, leaving him without many options. 

 “Well, you are not very democratic, Pinky.” He scoffed, using the not-so-funny nickname he’s been calling you ever since you were kids. Only Yoongi could still be calling you like some character from an old cartoon that aired twenty years ago. “But I choose the half truth.” 

“Wise decision, as always.” You commented, clicking your tongue. “The half truth is… that being a nurse is not my thing, I don’t want to be that predictable, being the bitch in highschool that ended up being a nurse. At least I want to be the bitch in high school who ended up being something else. And I was not happy at college, not even a bit. I don’t think that’s who I am” 

Yoongi frowned, trying to process all the words you just vomited. If that was half the truth, what was the whole truth? 

“Wait, wait. Let’s go for parts.” He stopped you. “So, now you were a bitch in high school?” 

“You know I was.” You said, rolling your eyes.

Bitch was a strong word to call yourself, but to be fair you weren't being the nicest with yourself these past weeks. You stared at him, waiting for him to admit that yes, you were a bitch when you were seventeen years old, but that would be a lie. Yoongi would never have called you a bitch, you did have an attitude, you weren’t the friendliest in the mornings, you weren’t friends with everyone, you treated boys like shit, but you weren’t a bitch to him. 

“Isn’t that too… harsh?” He asked softly. 

“Isn’t it the truth?” You kept pushing it, but you were crazy if you think he was going to agree with you. 

Yoongi shook his head, taking a long step to break the small distance that was between the two of you so he could be in front of you. As a gentle gesture, he put his cold hands on your knees, it was not an unusual gesture, but it had been so long since you had him that close that you couldn’t help but shiver. “I know you don’t like me getting all sappy, but I hope you know that only you get to decide who you are, and if you don’t think that is a nurse, then it’s not.” He rubbed his palms on your clothed skin, searching for his last words. “But, I must say, I don’t think a bitch is who you are either.” 

The cold room suddenly turned warm under his gaze, catching you with your guard down once again. You hated when he turned conversations into something like this, and worse, you hated when you bumped into the ugly reality that surrounded you when his eyes stopped looking at yours. This was not easier than last year, you wondered if it will ever be easy. 

“Well, the boys in my class might disagree.” You said, looking straight into his eyes. 

He laughed. “Boys at that age are dumb.”

“Boys are always dumb.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Even me?” He asked, batting his eyelashes at you like he was a little girl. 

“Especially you, I bet you don’t know what the hell you are doing right now with my car.” 

Yoongi reached out to try to pinch your knees, but you escaped from his fingers. “God, you’re so mean.” He complained 

“So mean?” You questioned, moving closer to him and pretending to be annoyed.

“Yeah, so mean” He repeated “But not a bitch.” 

You rolled your eyes, watching him turn around again to come back to your car. You can’t help but feel disappointed when he moved away. “So… If you are not a nurse, what are you?” 

You tilted your head, thinking about it. What were you? Well, in your room you were a dancer and in your dreams a mermaid, but in reality you were too embarrassed and too afraid, too insecure to admit what “you were”.

“I don’t know.” You hesitated to answer. You loved Yoongi, in more ways that you could ever allow yourself to love him, but you could not tell him all your dreams just like that. 

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” He sang, mocking you, but from your position you could only resist pushing him into your car. “You don’t have to say it, I already know.” 

You quirked an eyebrow, curious. “Do you?” A smirk appeared on your face, but he couldn’t see it, he was still working on God knows what. 

“Kind of…” He laughed “I don’t know exactly, but I do know that you are too bright to just be a nurse, with all due respect to the nurses, of course.”

You stared at his back until he turned his head to find your eyes, offering you a soft smile. You mentally cursed him, if he hadn’t turned around you could blush like a teenager without care, but now your cheeks were red and your heart was jumping, the only thing you could hope for was that he couldn’t hear it from where he was standing.

“That isn’t very respectful to nurses.” You simply said, and he shook his head, laughing. 

“Maybe, but I still stand by what I said.” 

“Well, whatever I might be,” You started saying, trying to keep talking with all your feelings still swirling around inside your chest, “I still don’t want to disappoint any more people by making the wrong decision and coming back to live with my mom in six months.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh, not because he was mocking you, but because he couldn’t believe how you couldn’t be at least a little positive, how you were only twenty one and you felt like there was no turning back. 

“Who don't you want to disappoint?” He chuckled, “I really thought you didn’t care about that stuff.”

“I thought so too!” You exclaimed, just as surprised as him. “But I already disappointed my mom, Simon will be disappointed too when he finds out, I’m sure.” 

“God, you’re so wrong, I don’t even know who I’m talking to right now.” He tried to joke, but the feeling of emptiness that had been living in your stomach for the past months didn’t go away just like that. “Do you really think that about your mom?”

“I don’t know!” You said, throwing your arms in the air to be just a little more dramatic that you were already being “But when I told her she made that face that she does when she’s annoyed or upset, now she wants to talk to me about the future every time we sit down to eat, she looks at me like that all the time, like she’s mad with me or something.”

For the past few days you tried to understand your mom, but you failed when you tried to understand yourself. After Simon followed Yoongi to law school, your mom expected you to do something similar, and when you decided to be a nurse she was content enough, both of her kids were off to college now, nothing could go wrong. 

Your mom always bragged that she knew you like the palm of her hand, the only conclusion she could reach when you appeared at your house with the news was that you were never happy with what you had, you always had to have something else, something you couldn’t have. And even if you were about to be mature enough to admit she was right, you knew she wasn’t completely. Yes, you were a brat, but you felt in your heart this time was different. 

 “C’mon, Pinky. I don’t think your mom is disappointed, I’m sure she is just confused. You were two years into college, she must think this came out of nowhere, she’ll have time to understand that it didn’t.” He turned around a pointed a tool hanging on the wall, you didn’t knew the name of it, or what the fuck he was doing with your car, but you handed it to him anyway. “And, she’ll have even more time to understand that you’re not Simon and that her children are two completely different people.”

“Do you think?” You murmured.

“Yes, dummy. And you’re crazy if you think your brother would ever be disappointed in you for something like that, he is the first person that supports you no matter what, he’ll understand that dropping out of college is not the end of the world.” 

You stayed in silence, not daring to say a single word after what he said. You wanted to say that you were tired of all of that, how predictable Yoongi was, how terribly annoying it was for him to always be right. How was it that he always knew what to say? Was it so hard for him to be wrong at least once so you could argue with him? So you could correct him and tell him that he was saying nonsense? Yes, it was. You just rolled your eyes, even if he wasn’t watching you. 

“You’re insufferable.” You said, when what you really wanted to say was just “thank you”, but he understood. 

“Maybe I am.” He laughed, “But at least I’m not the one trying to find excuses to be miserable.” 

You watched him put the tools aside and closed the hood of your car, but you were too focused on something else to ask if your car was okay or not. He grabbed a piece of cloth lying next to you and wiped his hands, “What about my grandma?”  You wondered out loud, like he knew what to do about that as well. 

“You’re seriously not thinking about your grandma right now.”  He leaned on your car, with his arms crossed over his chest while shaking his head disapprovingly. If it was any other guy doing that, you would have told him to get the fuck away from your car, but Yoongi still had his sleeves rolled up, which made you think it was okay for now.

“But I am.” You answered “I can already picture her face when she finds out, I can already hear the comments about her neighbor’s daughter, about how she’s on her fourth year of medicine and I’m going back to square one again or some shit like that. The worst thing is that Simon is not here, so I’ll have to endure all of that alone.” 

Yoongi was run by logic most of the time, so it was hard for him to understand how fast your imagination flew, but he knew that was part of your very theatrical self. It wouldn’t hurt him to become a little more like you, maybe being a rational person made him more intelligent, but sometimes made him more of a fool. 

“And since when do you care about what your grandma thinks?” He laughed, “She will always have something to complain about, to impress her you would have to die and born again, but this time blonde and with blue eyes. Do I need to remind you again? That woman doesn’t have a loving bone in her body.”

“God, stop.” You sighed, fully knowing he was right. 

“You stop.” He laughed, “Stop trying to make everyone happy but yourself.” 

“Well, maybe that’s the hardest thing to do.” You murmured. 

“Getting your shit together is the hardest thing to do, but I’m sure you’ll get there.” 

Believing Yoongi surely was not the hardest thing to do for you, but when it came to believing in yourself it was a whole different thing. 

“Says the man who always has his shit together.” You snorted “Difficult to believe you.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, moving away from your car to sit next to you on top of the uncomfortable desk “That’s not true.” He tried to deny it.

“Yeah, sure.” You bumped his shoulder “Name one time you couldn’t balance your personal life with your academic life.”

Yoongi straightened his back, crossing his arms over his chest and pretending to think about it.

“Mmm… Right now?” He murmured.

“Right now?” You repeated, raising your eyebrows in disbelief.

“Yeah, look at me.” He pointed at himself. “I don’t think I have a personal life at this point, all I could think about was finishing early to come home to my mom so I could take care of her, and guess what?”

“What?” You asked, curiously. 

“She told me she already planned a trip with my aunt for both Christmas and new years. She ditched me, and now? I’m alone, I’m starting to think my personal life was just my mom.”

You covered your mouth, not being able to hold yourself back before bursting in laughter. “She ditched you?” You laughed, but he nodded, annoyed that you’re laughing at him. “Oh my God, she got rid of you.”

“She got rid of me.” He affirmed. 

“Lucky her, honestly.” You teased him “Isn’t that proof enough that you have to relax with her? You’re in college worrying about her health and she’s here organizing trips with her sister.”

Yoongi shook his head, still in denial, “Maybe, but she can’t do things like this without letting me know first.” 

“Why not?” You scoffed “She’s an adult, isn’t she?”

“She’s an adult, but I’m her son.” He huffed “And that’s all I’ve ever known to do, care for her.”

“Well, you can take care of her at the same time you take care of yourself.” You reminded him “I’m sure that’s what your mom wants as well, she would be pissed to know you’re forgetting about your own life being busy worrying about her.”

Yoongi knew you were right, he knew that more than anyone but still couldn’t help but worry about his mom. She had her siblings, who always knew how to take care of her, but he always felt like it was his responsibility as her son to do it, no one could take that thought off his mind. The only reason he brought it up was because you asked, but it was not a thing he wanted to discuss right now, he could put his social life on pause if that meant his mom was going to be okay. 

He turned his head at you, offering you an amused grin as he ruffled your hair with his hand, willing to change the topic. “Why are you scolding me? I’m supposed to scold you.”

You pushed his hand off you, “I don’t need you to scold me, I have enough with my mom.” You sighed “Besides, if it were a competition, I would win. At least you have a future, I’m more fucked than you.”

“No, yeah. I’m sure of that.” He teased you back “You just have to make up your mind, I know it’s a mess inside there but I believe you can do it.”

“I hope so.” You said, and this time your words were sincere. “But for now the plan is to survive the holidays, then I can get my shit together.” 

Yoongi laughed, sitting next to you on top of the uncomfortable desk. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” He agreed.  “And you know, about christmas…”

“What about christmas?” You asked, at the risk of looking so visibly lost in his eyes. 

“I was thinking… Since I don’t have any plans for Christmas…” He hesitated to say, lengthening the syllables of his words. “I was thinking… If you want to, I can go with you in place of your brother. You know, so you won’t be alone.”

The offering took you off guard, among all the things Yoongi could tell you, (the realistic ones, not the ones that only happened in your dreams) that was the most surprising. You had spent Christmas with Yoongi in the past, but your heart jumped at the thought of him spending Christmas with you, and not with your brother. Was he serious?

“Really?” You asked, afraid that he could see the excitement in your eyes  “Would you do that?”

“Of course.” He smiled, “We can talk shit about your grandma together.” 

You could hardly hide the smile on your face, you had to suppress the immense urge you have to hug him. “In that case, I would love if you come.” You dared to admit “I mean, you owe me that for fucking up my car again.” You pointed at your car, already knowing that he couldn’t fix it. 

He closed his eyes shut, throwing his head back “God, I’m sorry.”

Present

You had been wishing to sleep in your childhood bedroom for the past two months. You had been wishing to lay under the baby blue covers, have your mom kiss you goodnight and sleep a nap long enough to heal your heart. 

You had been feeling like you were thirteen again for the whole year, thirteen and completely clueless, thirteen and scared, running home because you just saw your brother’s best friend kissing a girl at the bus stop, hiding under the covers and trying to forget that you were thirteen and there was no way he could ever see you the same way as that girl. 

The last time that you visited your mom’s house was a year ago. You texted her every week, sent her and your brother gifts and tickets so they could see you in the current play you were in, but visiting her house was harder than it looked for you. You managed to come once every few years for thanksgiving, telling your mom that you were busy and that theater life was like that, but the truth was that after so many years you still couldn’t find the courage to spend more than two days in the town you grew up in, not after everything, not after Yoongi. 

After so long, you were back where you started, running home after hitting a wall. The life you built with your own hands, the life that was supposed to be your dream turned out to be a lie, the boyfriend of three years you thought you loved was now gone, and the only person who ended up breaking your heart was yourself. 

When was the moment you stopped calling you brother every three days? Or when you stopped showing up at every birthday? When was the moment you got so far from the person you used to be? You weren’t thirteen anymore, you were twenty five and just now you realized that no matter how many shiny people you have around, you are still alone and far from home. 

Now you were headed home, with a bag full of clothes in the trunk of your car, prepared to install yourself in your mom’s house for the rest of the winter, determined to get your shit together, just like you thought you did a few years ago. Oh, how you wished you didn’t have to do this, how you wished you weren’t a complete mess. You wished you could enter your mother’s home and ignore the fact that you didn’t remember when was the last time you told her I love you, but to be fair with yourself, you didn’t remember the last time someone told you I love you either. 

Your mom knew you were coming, she was the first one who knew about your break up with Ian, your boyfriend, so she was assuming that you were sad and heart broken, and even if that was true, it wasn’t because of the break up, you were the one who left him. 

You didn’t know why, but you assumed that Ian understood what your relationship was, a sad pact that benefited both of your acting careers, a good image for the media, both of the most successful young actors being allegedly in love, and for you, just an arrangement to avoid being alone. How surprised you were when he got down on one knee and proposed, with his mom’s ring on one hand and a bunch of your so-called friends hiding in the distance, preparing to celebrate when you were supposed to say ‘yes’. He had a smile on his face, convinced that wasn’t the worst idea that ever crossed his mind. You thought it was clear that you never wanted to marry him, you believed you found someone who loved you enough not to leave you alone but not enough to marry you. God, you sounded crazy, but that was what you became, a superficial celebrity whose whole life was calculated enough so people thought it was perfect.

You felt like shit when you had to say no to Ian, but you had no other option. Everything was so fake it made you want to throw up, and on top of that, he was the asshole who didn’t even bother to invite your family to, what was supposed to be, your engagement party. If you were to say yes, where was your mom to hug you? Or to tell you that you were being mental for marrying someone you didn’t love? That was the moment when you knew you were about to lose it, that’s when you knew that if you stayed there you would’ve lost your mind, and you were so close to doing it, the only thing that finally woke you up was a marriage proposal. 

You turned right, immediately recognizing you were close to home. You had to start doing things right, but where do you begin?

Four years ago

When you arrived home, the realization that almost every person in your life had found someone except you hit you. It started when your best friend, Emma, finally got a girlfriend last summer, then it followed with your brother spending the holidays with his new girlfriend, and now, to your complete surprise, you had to find out that even your mother was seeing someone for the first time in years. 

Yes, at first you thought it was going be to weird to see your mother leaving you every afternoon to have dinner with her new boyfriend, -whom she refused to present to you just yet-, but after the first week of cooking for yourself to sit in the kitchen island and eating while watching a random youtube video, you realized it was not weird, but it was making you feel extremely lonely. Love seemed to be everywhere around you, but not for you.

That afternoon you helped her do the groceries, but she had already warned you that, once again, you were going to have to cook for yourself since she was not going to be around tonight. 

All your friends from home were still away and they weren’t coming back for another two weeks, so you were almost completely alone in your hometown. And without you wanting it, only one particular name swirled in your mind, wondering if he was as lonely as you were, which he probably was, but you didn’t want any part of it. You were still trying not to look around too much in the grocery line hoping to see a familiar face, forcing yourself not to look up when you knew you were passing his street. You promised that you weren’t going to wait to see him again, as if that way you could prove something to yourself.  

You expected Yoongi to disappear only to see him again the day before Christmas, you were sure he wasn’t going to appear at your doorstep like that morning, it wasn’t going to happen, you convinced yourself of it. Because of that, on the way home when you were riding in your mom’s car as you came back from the store, you thought that maybe you were just hallucinating when you saw him waiting in your driveway.  

Your mom got down from the car first, you watched her giving him a hug and then observed them talking, you were sure he was going to offer to help with the bags and you were sure your mom was going to smile and accept his help. Your mom loved Yoongi, and Yoongi loved your mom, you could see it. When Yoongi was a kid and his mother had to spend long days at the hospital your mom always opened the doors of your house so he wouldn’t be alone. Like you, Yoongi grew up without a dad, so his mom was lucky to have your mom to look out for him when she wasn’t around. 

You mustered courage and got down, surrounding the car to get to the trunk where the bags were and finding him with his arms already busy. 

“Hi, Pinky.” He let out and in the cold you could see his breath. His nose was red and his eyes crystallized from the weather. 

You barely got to open your mouth to greet him before your mom spoke. “Yoongi was looking for you.” She told you as she headed to the porch.

“Really?” You wanted to know, just in case your mom was lying, for some reason.

“Yeah, really.” He answered, watching you grab the last two bags and closing the trunk of the car. “Do you have any plans tonight?” 

Your heels suddenly dug into the ground, making you stop dead to check if you heard that right. Yoongi didn’t notice, he started to walk backwards, heading towards the door as he looked at you and invited you to follow him. You took the first step, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to react. Did you have any plans tonight? For a second your mind went blank, completely forgetting you had a date with Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn at nine pm. 

You avoid his gaze, trying to come up with an answer. “Do you have any friends?” You asked. Classic you, insulting him in case he noticed your face was two seconds away from burning red. You heard your mom grunt as she entered through the door, but Yoongi just laughed. 

“Do you?” He attacked back, smirking “Going to the store with your mom on a friday night, I thought you were popular in high school.” 

“I was not, you must have confused me with my brother, we have the same nose.” You scoffed, walking with him to your house “And I do have friends, they’re just not around.” 

“So you don’t have plans.” Yoongi confirmed for himself, letting you enter through the door first. 

“No, not really.” You admitted, leading him to the kitchen to leave the bags on the counter. “Why? Did you want to take me out?”

The question was intended to come out as a joke, but it burned on your tongue. You often tortured yourself with those kinds of comments, but his answer was worse than any kind of cruel joke you could’ve made to yourself.

“Yes.” He said, leaving his bags next to yours. “That’s what I was thinking before you made fun of me for not having friends.”

You stayed quiet, pretending to look for something in the bags, pretending you weren’t screaming in your mind. Why on earth was he here? Why was he torturing you this way? You were enough of a mess, the last thing you needed was this, bringing you more torment than you already had. 

You sighed, quickly coming up with another answer “Sorry I can’t retract myself.” You said. “But what were you thinking that was so important for you to come to my house instead of texting?”

“I was afraid that if I texted you would’ve said no.” He admitted.

You arched an eyebrow “Why?” You questioned. 

“Because… I saw that the theater is doing a Christmas special, and they’re showing Home Alone tonight.” 

“Which theater?” You asked, but you were fully aware which one was. 

“You know, the one near the park with the weird fountains.” He said, confirming what you were thinking. 

You wondered what to say next. There you had Yoongi, inviting you to watch a movie with him, ‒your favorite movie to be more specific‒ but at the place you used to secretly go to theater classes when you were thirteen until you finished highschool. You knew the place had those kinds of events where they showed old movies following a theme, as Christmas approached they never failed to show Home Alone as many times as they could. 

Would it be so bad for him to find out that you used to be obsessed, maybe still were, with musicals? You never told him about that, let alone about the classes, that was something you used to keep to yourself and no one else, so going out with him meant to out yourself to him. It was inevitable for people to recognize you there, you knew a lot of your friends from back then were still very attached to the place, unlike you, who decided to leave everything behind once you left for college to be someone you didn’t want to be. 

“I don’t know, I allow myself to watch Home Alone only once a year.” You tried to excuse yourself.

“I know that, that’s why I came here instead of texting” He said, “But I’ve come up with a solution, I tell you this, we can go and watch Home Alone tonight, and on Christmas we watch Home Alone 2.” He offered, but you felt offended he even dared to mention Home Alone 2. 

“I don’t like Home Alone 2.” You reminded him. “I think it’s un-”

“Unrealistic that they lose Kevin twice, yeah, yeah, I know!” He interrupted you, stealing the words from your mouth. “But I like Home Alone 2, I think it’s still a good Christmas movie.” You stared at him with narrowed eyes, pretending to think about it, as if your heart was strong enough to even try to say no to him, even if that meant you had to go back to the place where you used to be a completely different person from who you were in school, and most importantly, even if that meant you would have to watch Home Alone 2. It was painful to admit that you already knew your answer when you saw him in your driveway. “Don’t be boring, Pinky. I’ve already got tickets.”

Just for a moment, while the dim lights of your kitchen lighted up his eyes as they begged you to go with him, you wished you had plans that evening already. You took a second to imagine a scenario where you told him that you weren’t free that night, that someone was going to pick you up later. You tried to imagine his face when you told him that you were in fact going out on a date with some other dude and pictured him heartbroken because you rejected him. But of course that wasn’t the case, your friends from college used to joke around and say that men ran away from you and only the brave ones were capable of asking you out, there was no way you were going out with someone who knew you in high school. And even if that were true, you lived in a reality where Yoongi wouldn’t flinch if you told him you were going out with someone else, a reality where you could never reject him. There was a part of you who enjoyed the pain of coming back to him, of being around him and living with the knowledge that at some point you'll have to get over him.

“Fine.” You finally gave in “I guess I could watch Home Alone 2 on Christmas” 

He smiled victoriously, raising his fists in the air like he won some trophy.

You didn’t know what was worse, whether to have him around or not see him at all, you knew that the safest option was not seeing him, but your poor heart didn’t seem to understand that it was for the best. 

Present

When you parked your car, you realized you didn’t have the keys to your house anymore. You were sure they were somewhere in your apartment back in the city, but even if you had remembered to look for them, you wouldn’t have found them, you had no idea where they were. It has been a long time since you thought about putting foot in your home, your real home, not the one back in the city, with countless empty rooms you had never used. They keys to your home, where were they? You bitterly laughed as you walked towards the porch, with your bags in your hands and your heart on your sleeve, that was how disconnected to the place where you grew up in you were. 

The little pumpkins your mom put on the porch reminded you that the last time you were home was also october. The play you were in last fall was just about to end and you visited home for a weekend just to ask your mom to go and see you for your final performance. You remembered how angry you felt when she told you she and Phil, her boyfriend, had already planned a trip to Scotland for that same weekend. It took you a whole year ‒or even more‒ to realize that while you were busy living your life, your family was doing the same thing, you disappeared for months and they had no other choice but to keep going without you. 

You stood in front of the big wood door for a few seconds, feeling like some prodigal daughter, until you decided to finally ring the bell. 

As soon as your mom opened the door and you caught the surprised look on her face, you knew you weren’t supposed to be there, at least not yet. 

“Darling! What…?” She breathed out as if she had seen a ghost, but to be fair you weren't far from looking like one, you didn’t remember the last time you had a proper sleep. “What are you doing here?”

You shrugged, not knowing if she was joking “I called you on the phone last month, don’t you remember?” You asked. The surprise on your mom’s face morphed into confusion, and for some reason it made your chest hurt a little. 

“You told me you were coming Friday the 5th.” She said, but she didn’t move from the door, as if you were about to turn around, leave and come back for the date she thought you were coming.

“That’s… today.” You reminded her.

She frowned, raising her left arm to check the apple watch on her wrist, the one you gave her as a present for mother’s day a few months ago, immediately realizing that you were right. “God, where’s my mind?” She exclaimed, cleaning her hands on the apron she was wearing to grab one of your bags from your hand, finally leaning back to let you in. “Sorry darling, I don’t know what I was thinking when you called me.” 

“It’s okay.” You said, more to yourself than to her, closing the door behind you “These days my mind is nowhere near, either.”

“No, it’s not okay. I can’t believe it flew over my head like that.” She kept complaining, taking off your coat for you to hang it on the coat rack “Do you have any more bags?”

You nodded “In the car.” 

“Okay, let’s go grab them later.” She said, turning around to head towards the kitchen with a quick pace. “Follow me darling, I’m about to finish cooking, you arrived just in time for lunch.” 

Well, your mom always seemed to be in a hurry, she was like every other mom after all, but today she looked more rushed than usual, making you wonder if your arrival was that unexpected, did you suddenly ruin her Friday just by appearing at her doorstep? The answer wasn’t clear to you, when she turned around you lost the chance to say that she shouldn’t worry since you were planning to spend the whole weekend in your room.. Now you were just trying not to look disappointed when she didn’t give you a hug as she disappeared into the kitchen.

You followed her, taking off your converse and throwing them somewhere in the hall. Your mom had enough energy for you both, it was like she forgot that you had been driving all morning to get there, maybe she thought you arrived on a jet, you didn’t know. You thought your tired face was sign enough that all you needed was a hot shower and a long nap. 

“What am I gonna do?” She murmured to herself, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that you were there earlier. “Your room isn’t ready yet!” 

You scowled, sitting on one of the kitchen stools. “What do you mean my room isn’t ready?” 

“We’ve been using it as a storage room lately, until Phil adjusts himself.” She told you, but you didn’t understand a word she said. Storage room? Why was your mom’s boyfriend using your bedroom as a storage room? 

“Mom, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m sure I told you!” 

You shook your head “Tell me what?”

She tilted her head with her mouth hanging open. You visibly saw her trying to remember something, filling the room with silence. Then, it hit her, her silence suddenly broke into laughter, she realized that, whatever was she was talking about, she didn’t tell you, you just didn’t know what. “Darling, Phil moved in september, how come we didn’t talk about this?” She let out, wondering out loud. “We are still getting the hang of it, he still has a lot of boxes, we decided to put it in your room for now.” She explained, like it was nothing, but you knew it wasn’t. It took her a long time before she introduced you to Phil, she always made it clear to him that her priority was her kids, so it was a big step for her to let Phil move in. 

You shook your head, immediately avoiding her gaze when you felt a sudden rush of guilt washing over your body when you tried to remember when was the last time you spoke with your mom on the phone apart from last month, when you told her you were coming today. 

“Oh, mom, I had no idea.” You said as if you were apologizing, you kinda were. “I’m gonna start looking for somewhere else to crash, I still don’t know for how long I’m staying.” 

She waved her hands, rushing to interrupt you “My God, sweetie, no! You know you can stay here for as long as you want, this is your house!” She said, but you struggled to believe her “But I really thought you were coming next Friday! When was your last show?”

God, the last thing you wanted to think about now was work.

“Just last week.” You replied, hoping that she wouldn't want to comment too much about it. 

“How was it?” She continued to ask, going against your wishes.

Terrible, you wanted to say, you couldn’t wait to get off the stage. You did your job and you left, all your partners begged you to stay for the after party but you were exhausted, you left as soon as you could. That was supposed to be an important moment for you, the wrap up of your first main role, a clear achievement of your short career. After you did the first show of the season you went to bed wishing it could last forever, but last week you were just relieved that it finally ended. 

You wouldn’t tell that to your mom, you didn’t want to worry her, so you just told her a little white lie. 

“Oh, it was great.” You smiled, hoping that in that way it would be more believable. “I had a great time, but I needed to come back home for a while.”

“Well, you worked hard, now you deserve to rest” She said “And besides that… how have you been, huh?” She asked with a soft voice, making you raise your gaze to find her warm eyes and a warm smile. You failed to remember that you couldn’t lie to your mom, she always saw through you, and to be honest she would be a fool not to notice the tired look on your face. It bothered you just a bit that the main reason why she was asking about it was because of the breakup.

“Why, because of Ian?” You asked. 

“No just because of him, just… how have you been about everything?” 

“Well, fine, I think so.” You kept lying “Me and him… I don’t know, I don’t think I felt the same way about him anymore, I had to end it, I’m sure he deserves someone who feels the same, right?”

She hummed, not really convinced. “You deserve someone like that, too, don’t you think?” 

“Maybe.” You sighed “But that topic gives me headaches.” 

Your mother snorted, “Well, don’t expect me to be satisfied with that answer, after you take a nap I’m gonna ask you all about that.” 

“How nosy.” You chuckled. “You just want to talk shit about your ex son in law.”

“Of course, don’t act like you don’t want to do that too, I know you too well.” You rolled your eyes, but of course she was right. “Anyway, since I thought you were coming next week I planned a dinner for tonight with everyone, they’ll be so happy to see you, but you know, I understand if you want to skip it with everything that’s happening, I’m sure no one will ask about it, but still. You came here to be alone so I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed around a lot of people.”

“Ask about what? The news isn’t out yet” You asked, confused. 

Your mom turned around again, looking as confused as you. “Haven’t you checked your phone today?” She asked cautiously.

“No, it died a few hours ago. I haven't had the chance to charge it in the car.” Your words made her confused expression fade into a concerned one.

“Darling, you might want to check it now.” She pointed to the charger that was connected next to the fridge. The look on her face could only mean that something wasn’t okay.

You slowly got off the stool, heading towards the other side of the room as you took your phone from your pocket to connect it to the charger. You knew it was just a matter of time until people found out that you and Ian broke up, but you thought the news would’ve be handled the same way as always, a statement from both you, the only reason why you didn’t do it yet was because you and Ian weren’t talking since the proposal happened. 

When your phone finally turned on, a rush of anxiety ran down your body when a thousand notifications began to appear on the screen, including fifty missed calls from both your manager and publicist, you had a feeling that maybe the situation was worse than you thought. “What the fuck happened?” You murmured to yourself, looking at your mother in search for answers. “Did Sally call you?” You asked her, fully knowing that Sally, your manager, had strict orders not to bother anyone in your family with calls about anything related to work. 

The room suddenly fell in silence, your mom hesitated to answer, you knew she didn’t want to be the one to give you bad news.

“No, but a friend of mine sent me an article.” She explained, her voice suddenly sounding small. “I didn’t read it, you know, I didn’t even open it, I don’t like gossip.”

Your mind tried to put two and two together; missed calls from your manager, an article about you, gossip, that didn’t sound fucking right. 

“Fuck, I have to call her.” You gritted your teeth, wasting no time marking her number. You felt your head swirling just by imagining the sound of her voice yelling at you for not answering her calls. 

Less than five seconds later, like she was waiting by the phone, she picked up. “Fucking finally.” Was the first thing you heard, “Where the fuck were you?”

The irritated tone on her voice took you by surprise, making you jump in you place “Driving, for four fucking hours.” You rushed to say “My phone was dead, what is going on?” 

You heard her inhale, trying to keep her calm “Every single person in the world is trying to reach me right now except you. It’s a mess.”

“What?” You try not to yell “I just got home, I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Honey, it got leaked, has no one told you yet?”

Then, a beat of silence. The stress on her voice is enough to make you believe her, you didn’t have to think twice. Of course something like this was going to happen to you, you couldn’t run away from the city and pretend everything behind was going to stay as it was, your life from six hours ago was still there, and it was still a fucking mess.  

“What part?” Was the only thing you could say. You felt yourself entering a cloud of uncertainty, your fist clenched on your lap and while you listened to her sighing, preparing you for the answer, you held your breath as if that way you could stop time.

“Everything.” She spat. “Listen, I didn’t want to freak you out with this, I tried to keep this situation on the low but it happened anyway. The story’s out, pictures are out, every fucking thing is out.”

You suddenly tense, feeling your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach

“What? What do you-?” You stuttered. 

“I know you didn’t want anyone to find out about the proposal but it's the main headline, sweetie.”

Sally is not someone who’s known for sugarcoating her words, she was straightforward and didn’t mind being the person who delivered bad news, but today you could tell she was especially stressed, you were sure she was trying to handle this issue alone with you being gone for hours. 

“Fuck.” You hissed “What about him, have you called his manager?”

“Of course I called his manager, but all of a sudden that prick doesn’t want to collaborate with me on this, apparently Ian doesn’t fucking care, how about that?”

“How come he doesn’t care?” You asked exasperatedly.

“That’s the idea that I got when his manager told me to manage this issue myself.” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath as you took a moment to think about it. You knew Ian well enough, but you always held onto a kind version of him, the version of him who made you stay for so long, the version of him you chose to remember so your memories weren't all bad, but that version made you felt guilty for the question that was rotting on your mouth, waiting to be spat. 

“Do you think it was him?” You asked her, but her bitter laugh on the other line made you realize it wasn’t a difficult question to answer. 

“I mean, would that be so crazy?” She said “You and I are pretty sure who called the people to take those pictures. He's not happy, honey, to him this is just payback for what you did.”

That word echoed in your mind for longer than you would’ve wanted to, was that the way he decided to put this to an end? Payback? 

Four weeks ago, you thought that was it. When you were at the backyard of the house of Ian’s grandparents and you saw him on his knees, asking you to marry him, you thought that was the moment when every bad decision you ever made caught up to you, when everything exploded in your face. Now you realized it didn’t end there, everything you’ve done still has consequences.

You closed your eyes, trying to ignore your mom’s eyes in the back of your neck. You left the room, coming back to the hall so you could be alone. You couldn’t just hang the phone and pretend none of that happened, as tempting as it sounded, you had to take care of it. “Okay, now what? Can you clean it?” 

“I’ve been trying, but it can’t disappear, you know? It’s been up for a few hours.” She replied. 

You nodded, as if she could see you “Okay, listen, it doesn’t matter. I can’t deal with this right now, I don’t care where it came from, I don’t care how the pictures look, what people are saying, I don’t want to know any of it. If people saw it, I don’t give a fuck, it’s me who doesn’t want to see it.” You firmly said “If the story’s out, fine, but I don’t want any major media posting the pictures, can you do that?” 

You heard her humming “Mmm, are you sure you want to handle it in that way? No statement to the media? No post on instagram? Just radio silence?”

The thought of making a statement about your relationship in public made you want to throw up, “Are you kidding?” You laughed “There’s no way I’m making a statement about this if you can’t even get Ian’s manager on the phone for him to do the same. If I say anything about this and he stays quiet I’m going to look worse of a villain than I already am for rejecting him.”

“Honey, I don’t think you understand this.” She stopped you, “This isn’t just news that you broke up, this is news that he proposed to his girlfriend of three years and she said fucking no, a.k.a a scandal.”

You rolled your eyes, wanting to curse her for treating you like a five year old child. “No, hear me out, I’m not playing his game anymore.”

“You’re not the one who’s playing his game, he’s the one playing in yours.” She emphasized, “Let me be clear with this, and I’m trying to be nice even though I’ve been working all morning to get this to disappear just for you. You were the one who decided that the relationship was going to have this kind of publicity, you can’t back down now. This could harm your image, you need to make a statement whether he does the same or not.”

You stopped for a second, hating how right she was. Every bit of your relationship with Ian was out to the public, that was the whole point of it from the beginning. Your image as an actress wasn’t entirely constructed by your work,  you took charge into making every piece of your private life part of it too, you sold it of your life to the public. After so many years of sharing everything with the media and fans, you knew it would be strange to stay in silence now, but in a matter of seconds the words piled up in your mind, making you see how ridiculously soulless a statement like that would look, lying about how much love and respect you held for Ian but at the end it didn’t work out, that you decided to stay as friends since you still loved each other so much, when the truth was that he was the one who leaked the pictures in the first place. 

You were once again reminded to face the consequences, and that was what you were about to do. 

“Sorry, Sally, but I'm not making a statement.” You let out, nervously tapping your foot against the floor “I started it, you’re right, but now I’ve decided to end this here. This is my private life we’re talking about, let me keep this thing to myself. The only thing that they need to know is that we’re no longer together, and from now on the only information they’ll get of me is about my work, are we clear?”

Your whole body shook in anticipation, expecting her to yell at you and tell you to do whatever she said, because you knew she knew better. You hoped she somehow didn’t see through your mask, you weren’t as hard as you wanted to sound, you weren’t as confident as you wanted to be. For years working with her you trusted her advice against all odds, and you knew she always meant well, she was just doing her job, but at this exact moment in your life you needed to stay silent.

She hesitated to answer, battling with herself and the love she had for you. “Look kid,” She said “I’m going to let you do what you want, but if this doesn’t end well I’m going to look for you in whatever farm you’re staying in right now and I’m going to strangle you, now are we clear?” She asked, repeating your last words. 

It took you a second to understand what she just said, you felt so anxious you didn’t understand if she was giving you a green light or not. When you snapped out of it, you realized it was the closest you’ve felt to be relieved. 

 “We are clear.” You confirmed. 

“I sure hope so.” You heard her sighing once again “I’ll make it disappear and you make sure to keep your phone close in case something happens. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m sorry for the trouble.”

“It’s fine.” She brushed it off “At least you’re not dead, I would’ve felt guilty for cursing you so much.”

“God, maybe the news of my death would make the news about the proposal disappear.” You tried to joke, fighting against the horrible feeling you still had on your stomach. 

“Okay, kid. I’m hanging up before you get more morbid. Take care, okay?”

You chuckled quietly, “Thank you, Sally” You said before she hung up “Really, I appreciate it.” 

The call ended, leaving your ears ringing and your heart hammering against your chest. You stayed in the hall, sitting on the first steps of the stairs and trying to make sense of what just happened. 

You were aware that Ian was angry at you, you couldn’t tell if you broke his heart but you knew that you hurt his ego, and somehow that was worse. You had to admit that your ego was as big as his, so you understood he had to do the same thing to you. Sally was right, you led yourself to this, you managed the circus that was your public life and you were the one who chose him to cover up how miserable you felt. You still felt your blood boiling just by thinking how cruel it was what he did, and at the same time you couldn’t allow yourself to be angry at him because you thought you had it coming.

You thought you were so stupid for thinking that once you got here you were going to be okay, as if you could run away from yourself, as this house was a bunker, protecting you from everything you ever did. Suddenly, you felt all your emotions stacking up your throat, you felt your eyes burning before your whole face was soaked with hot tears of regret, you didn’t even remember when was the last time you cried, that’s how fucked up you were. 

You covered your face, sobbing against your palms as you tried to calm yourself, remembering your mom was waiting for you in the kitchen and you had to come back to be a functioning person, but before you could, you heard her steps approaching you, gasping when she found you crying. 

“Darling, what happened?” She asked, the concern in her voice made your heart hurt.

You quickly wiped your tears with the sleeves of your sweater as you watched her kneel beside you. “Nothing, just…” You tried to lie, but what was the use of that? She would know, and you were still going to continue carrying the pain on your chest for the rest of the day. You shook your head, feeling her thumbs wiping your tears from your face.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” She whispered, like it was a secret between the two of you. “It’s about the article, right?” You nodded. 

“It’s…” You inhaled, trying to catch your breath. “It’s about more than that.” 

And then, the truth. As if you were a criminal caught in the scene of the crime, you had to tell the truth. 

After you spent the whole afternoon trying to explain to your mom what was going on with your life, nothing could erase the worried look on her face, looking at you like you were thirteen and you had the flu, wanting to take care of you until it went away. 

You felt ashamed, but you couldn’t keep lying to her, not completely at least. You had to tell her that you were never really in love but you felt so alone back in the city, you didn’t have anyone else. Most of your friends were fake, you were tired and sometimes overworked, not even your job was making up for the miserable life you were living anymore. You knew Ian was seeing other women and you couldn’t even find it in yourself to confront him about it, terrified that he’ll leave you in your big apartment alone. Your mom listened with a frown on her face, confused, asking why you never told her, asking why you never called, and you felt so embarrassed, so guilty for disappearing for so long. 

“I’m sorry” was the only thing you could say, and even though she waved it off and said that you didn’t have to apologize for anything, you knew that wasn’t real. You had a bunch of this to apologize for, you didn’t even know where to begin.

After a shower, she offered her room for you to take a nap, and as you got into her bed, she sat next to you, hugging you for the first time in months. 

You breathed out against her chest, feeling like a kid again around her arms. It was like she was trying to extract the sadness out of your body, and maybe it worked for now. 

“You’re still invited to join us for dinner tonight, you know?” She murmured “I know you’re sad but it’s just us, maybe it’ll cheer you up.”

You nodded, “I’ll think about it, is that okay?”

“Of course, darling.” She smiled, kissing your forehead before getting up to leave.

Before she opened the door, you stopped her.  

“Wait mom, who’s coming?” You asked before she disappeared from your sight.

She turned to you again, smiling. “Your brother, of course.” She said “He’s bringing Yoongi and his mom, I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to see you.”

You snapped your eyes open, but before your mom could see your reaction she disappeared through the door, leaving you alone and with your heart clenched in your fist. 

@kingofbodyrolls @tea4sykes @overtherainbow35 @namin13 @p34rluv @moonchild1 @oukya @yoongisoftface @namgihours @honsoolgloss @idkjustlovingbts @loviyunki @yoongisducky @bangtansmauyeondan @tarahardcore @wobblewobble822 @secfir @ot72025 @baechugff @hopefulchick @heroinanne

[mamawasatesttube]

Janet lives au my beloved, I love the difference in the Janet lives vs the Jack lives au :)

Happy holidays! :D

thanks, happy holidays to you too!!!

also aughgh right??? there is so much to ponder wrt janet our collective beloved janet... i think often about this. like. his issues with jack would both shrink and grow because on the one hand jack is no longer actively around to do shit to feed into tim's many complexes. on the other hand, he now has jack up on the Perfect Dad pedestal in his mind because he's dead. can't criticize your dead dad that's fucked up and horrible. right?

and on the other hand. man. so lets posit he has a better relationship with janet than he would with jack (because janet is a better parent than jack, and let's be real, that isn't really a high bar. but given jack's... everything, i just kinda really get the vibe that he left most of the actual parenting to janet). now at first you'd think this is solely a good thing! ...but can you imagine how much more agonized tim is about having to lie to his beloved mommy???? all the time??? he's even more torn between The Mission and his filial piety this time around!!! augh!!!

like all those times jack didnt notice tim hiding bruises with makeup ? if janet's around it is sooo possible that tim steals HER makeup for this specifically at least once and She. Notices. deeply possible that she puts together "tim showing up with mysterious injuries he keeps trying to hide and also lying to me about it" with "tim getting closer with dick grayson and bruce wayne while i was away" and deduces that she doesn't know WHAT they've gotten her little baby boy into, but she IS going to kill those guys. tim keeps insisting that they're very nice to him but that really isn't helping anything. but just the entire concept of janet actually paying attention to tim's injuries - noticing if he steals her makeup!!! - or paying attention to things like. *checks notes* one of his classmates being SHOT DEAD at their SCHOOL ???? hey jack how did you not even check on him once after this. whats wrong with you. i just wanna talk jack

so i think she'd find out tim's robin way faster than jack. he probably would agonize about wanting her to know but The Mission and the need for secrecy, etc. but notably, when she finds out, i don't think she'd force him to quit - she'd really really want him to, because this is so dangerous and he's her baby and she doesn't want him to get hurt!!! but if he pushed back and tried to explain his side of it, she'd actually be willing to at least hear him out (unlike jack).

but also. not to be predictable but. i think it would be really funny if at some point during this drama kon-el shows up on the front doorstep looking for robin, and eavesdrops just enough to understand that janet knows now. because. hear me out. this is how we once again arrive at tim walking into his own house and home and just balking because kon is at the kitchen table hanging out with his mother. mom why the heck are you giving superboy my oreos!!!!

(also, calling back a little to the concept of baby kon somehow befriending janet, but. very specific vision in my mind of "janet lives past identity crisis too au" where at some point baby kon mentions to tim in her earshot that hes never had a mom and wonders whats it like?? and she doesnt say anything but this strikes her to the heart. several years down the line when timkon are established at some point she's like conner sweetie i know a long time back you said you don't have a mother, and i understand that completely and don't mean to try and take any place in your life you don't want me in, but if you ever would like to have a mother-in-law… and tim is just like. MOM. ARE YOU TRYING TO PROPOSE TO KON FOR ME??? THIS IS SO CRINGE. UGH MOM STOP)

[endlessburningdarkness]

Hello, it's the anon that wrote that long essay about how I thought a Shen Yuan identity reveal would go. The ask was already too long, so there were some things that I didn't add.

When I mentioned a political crisis, I meant war. Cang Qiong wants Shen Jiu's body back, but Luo Binghe (who is deep in denial about the state of his relationship at this point) refuses. Cang Qiong decides to go to war for their martial brother's body, and then other sects join in as a way to save face and regain the people's faith in the cultivation world. Basically, it turns into a Xianxia version of the Trojan War.

The thing about war is that it matures you, and Luo Binghe, who now has a full-blown war in his hands with cultivators with far more years of experience and no Xin Mo, finds himself with no other choice but to mature. This strains his relationship with Shen Yuan further because he dismisses the entire thing at first. He insists that everything is going to be okay, that he has full faith in Luo Binghe's capabilities to win and protect him. SY doesn't take it seriously until his forced to when the demons start losing ground. So when he tries to finally start helping, it doesn't really help anything. Having knowledge is one thing, but using it in a competently effective way in a war is an entirely different thing.

The longer the war goes on, the more Luo Binghe realizes that he does have more people who care about him other than Shen Yuan. That his people are fighting for him because he asked them too. That his people are dying in a war over a selfish man who doesn't give a shit about them. He matures and starts to realize that being a ruler is more than simply being the strongest and having everyone bend the knee to him. He realizes that his in charge of actual lives and what befalls them.

The breaking point comes when Shen Yuan tells Luo Binghe to regain Xin Mo. It's like being spat in the face because it shows LBH that all SY cares about is what's convenient for himself. Xin Mo's effects made LBH a danger to him, so it had to go. But now that his life was in danger, it was time to get it back and to hell with how it affects his husband. Luo Binghe doesn't want it back because all it did was bring out the worst in him, and Shen Yuan insistsance on getting it back is like saying he doesn't care about him only what he could provide.

So, in the end, Luo Binghe decides to let go and do what is right for his people. Shen Jiu's body is returned, and Shen Yuan is expelled. Shen Yuan is dead for the third and final time. But before he fades away, he finds himself face to face with the system, whose been silent this entire time.

And it's Shen Jiu. It's always been Shen Jiu from beginning to end. Who orchestrated it all, from Shen Yuan/Airplane's transmigration to even Bingge crossing over to SVSSS. All for the sake of revenge. On the cultivation world who condemned him on rumors and heresy only (who are now disgraced and regarded as laughing stocks) , on his sect who scorned and abandoned him without a second thought (who are left with no choice but to disband, also in disgrace, after the war), and on Luo Binghe for killing his Qi-Ge (with one version finding himself completely alone with his duty to his people as the only thing keeping him going, and another forever tormented by a lie of what he can never have). Shen Yuan and Airplane get dragged into it out of petty spite, and because they were the perfect choices to play their parts and get everyone attached. So when Shen Jiu pulls the rug under everyone's feet, it would have the desired effect. Shen Jiu's final words as Shen Yuan fades are, "This was my revenge. The best curse I could cast upon them and on this world was my absence."

wow

this is ABSOLUTE FIRE! 🔥🔥🔥

can you pretty please write this into a fic so we can read and enjoy shen jiu being a badass getting his revenge, plus i would love to see luo bingmei mature. this is such a cool concept, please write it! or share more of it... but really it would be an AMAZING fic.

[tmnttracks]

"From Leader to Lost: Navigating the Abyss of Abandonment"

So the long awaited Leonardo focused issue is out for the TMNT (2024 -) run and once again, the writers really know how to make you feel for the older brother. I have never been a fan of Leonardo in any of the different versions that he has been in, except for Rise but it is hard to not like any of the brothers in that series lol.

I never could relate to him and even though I could empathize about the heavy burden he bears being a leader, he was just always boring to me. However, despite him being my least favorite I was just as moved in this issue as I was in the other two, almost more so which just goes to show how amazing the writing has been. If a writer can get me to care deeply about a character I am not a fan of, well they deserve high praise.

**Spoilers Ahead**

First, let's do a brief recap of our boys in green and where they stand as of now.

TMNT (2024 - Issue #5)

In issue #1 we focused on Raphael and how he has been in prison for the past few months, working undercover in exchange to have whatever crimes he committed written off. (Crimes which we still have no idea what they were.) Eventually it ends with the new and improved Foot Clan framing Raphael for murder and despite Raphael wanting to forget his brothers, he escaped arrest to start his journey on finding his brothers to warn them of the threat.

TMNT (2024 - Issue #5)

In issue #2 we are introduced to Michealangelo and discover that he moved to Tokyo, Japan and became a famous TV star staring in his own TV show. Despite his outgoing personality out in the public's eye, we noticed that once he is in the privacy of his own penthouse, he is actually depressed and feels like he has become "old and boring". We still don't know what event happened to cause such a huge rift between the four brothers, but it took a huge toll on Michealangelo. He is angry at his brothers as we see towards the end of the issue in the final panel when he attacks Raphael unprovoked after Raphael found him to warn him of the Foot Clan.

TMNT (2024 - Issue #5)

Now we have Leonardo who once was a confident leader but has become a turtle ready to die after losing his purpose and sense of self after the family fallout.

~~Trigger Warning, brief mention of suicidal ideation~~

The issue starts off with Leonardo walking through a village nestled along the Ganges River after hearing rumors of a species of turtles that eat corpses to where they leave nothing but bones behind. His plan is to find this turtle colony so that he could "feed them something that has died". That inner thought right there took me by surprise. We went from a strong and stoic leader of a ninja clan to a broken individual who feels like he has lost everything that the only way he can move on is to committ suicide in the most unconventional way possible: having fellow turtles eat him alive.

However the turtles ignore him and in his mind taught him his first lesson: "The turtles may eat the dead, but they don't kill them". This revelation causes him to bury his swords in the sand and then mediate non-stop for months waiting for the next revelation that would give him a sense of purpose again.

After months of meditating, kneeling and waiting to be accepted by this turtle colony one turtle finally acknowledges him, however it wasn't in the way he was expecting. It is here we find out that the reason he is having an identity crisis is because his own brothers abandoned him, no longer wanting him around.

Leonardo had spent his entire life doing everything he could to be the perfect older brother and strong leader to train and protect his family. It was his sole purpose in life and with it being ripped away from him, he no longer knows what his role is anymore. A theme that has played out in every variation in the expansive TMNT metaverse, only this time he doesn't come out of it refreshed and renewed.

After his fight with the poachers, the mud turtles finally accept him and for a short while Leonardo believe he has found his purpose again. To live as a turtle amongst the turtle colony as their protector and leader. He believes this was the enlightenment he was searching for and so the mud turtles become surrogate brothers to him. Brothers who need him and want him around.

Of course, nothing is ever that easy for the Hamato clan and just like with Mikey and Raphael, the Foot Clan find him and try to take his life. However, even after a long period of giving up the way of the ninja, his past meets up with the present and in under five minutes after retrieving his katanas, the enemy had been defeated and his colony saved.

It was after this battle that he had to come to terms with the harsh truth about his path to seek enlightenment and ones self-worth. "The only way forward is to go back the way you came. To unsuture an old wound and let it bleed all over again."

Similar to Rapahel, Leonardo realizes that he has to take up the mantle again as clan leader and find his brothers to warn them of the threat. Knowing full well that it will not be easy and have to finally come to terms with their new family dynamic. He will have to convince those who once respected but now despise him to come together as a unit one last time to save their family.

After stealing a helicopter and leaving a Foot Soilder to drown in the river, he finds out that the next destination was Tokyo, Japan and just as he forsaw, when he arrived he saw Mikey and Raphael in a full on brawl while fighting foot ninjas at the same time.

(Side note: I actually laughed at this scene above because of the confused look on the foot ninjas faces as they watched the two brothers engage in a serious fight and argue over something stupid, which also made me chuckle.)

It didn't even take two seconds for Leonardo to fall right back into his role as leader once he arrived to get his brothers to stop fighting so they would listen to him. However, the reunion was far from happy despite the fact the two brothers did finally stop fighting each other when Leonardo appeared before them.

In the past there would be tight hugs and excitement of finally seeing each other again after so long, however any type of affection they used to have has been replaced by resentment, abandonment and betrayal. This is made very clear due to the amazing job from the artist who was able to show just how fed up they are with each other. I also love how the artist has aged this turtles as well, with numerous scars and a more rough around the edges look compared to the flawless skin and smooth lines from Volume 1.

The fans will finally get to see the turtles as full fleged adults and tread new waters that has yet to be done in the Turtleverse. A broken family forced to come together to save the city of New York once more and how they try to overcome their past to become a family once more and I am here for it.

At the end of this month we get Issue #4 which is centered on Donatello and a continuation from where we left off with him at the end of Alpha #1. I will be reviewing both of those in my Issue #4 review at the same time. I have to say I am also really excited for this issue because even though I try to stay away from spoilers, we finally get to find out where Volume 2 falls regarding continuity from Volume 1. November 27th can't get here fast enough!

Be sure to check out my previous reviews and as always, I welcome any and all feedback and comments to help me become a better review writer.

[sillyblues]

𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 | 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

SYNOPSIS—*ೃ༄ you have lost three times. the first time, you lost your home. the second time, you lost yourself. the third time, you lost everything on a man who would rather lose you than lose everything.

CW—*ೃ༄ fem reader, spoilers on some mcu movies

NOTES—*ೃ༄ it's finally here HELP

masterlist

You were absolutely not normal.

You understood this at a young age when you were bitten by a spider in your backyard and gained not only your consciousness but also powers like shooting a spider web as you frantically waved your arms everywhere. As a three-year-old, you could barely handle the awareness of your surroundings and identity, much more your abilities that you could barely control. You did what any other toddler your child would do. You cried hard and loud until your parents burst through the door scrambling to get you in panic.

At three years old, you already had your first existential crisis.

When you turned five, you could confidently say that you could control your abilities now. No more random bursts of spider webs that took too long to clean up with both your fathers, no more falling in the middle of your wall and ceiling climbing and giving your fathers heart attacks, no more sudden turning of invisibility that made you and your parents cry at the thought of you never to be seen again. Just kidding, there will be more of that but hey, at least you were more in control now. 

When you thought you finally understood what you were capable of, you were instantly proven wrong when a portal opened out of nowhere in your backyard again. The portal was glitching and a variety of colours were swirling so beautifully, almost luring you in and you did. Because you were five and adventures seemed fun, it was like an itch in your brain that can only be relieved if you follow your instincts as a child. 

So you went in and falling into that hole was the most fun you have felt in your life and at the end of your fall, you landed on the concrete ground on top of a building. It hurt but you were used to it so it was fine. You healed pretty easily anyways so you didn’t care anyways. But what you did care about was the fact the place you were currently in was vastly different to where you were just seconds ago.

Sky-high buildings were all over the place and violets and dark skies and neon lights were decorated. It was very much unlike your bright, sunny sky and small houses on your block. At first, you thought you teleported into a different country or hell, even a different continent altogether. It wasn’t until when you swung down and walked down the streets, a man grabbed your hand and pulled you to the side.

“What’s a child like you doing here all alone?” the man with the exact features of your dad frowned, with the only difference being that he looked gruffer, sad, and more miserable.

“Dad!” you engulfed his legs in a hug.

“The hell…? I don’t have a child,” he held the collar of your shirt and pulled you away from him, “Who are you? Who sent you?”

His cold gaze sent shivers down your spine and his oppressing voice scared you. This was not your dad. Your dad was someone who could barely say any insult, much less cuss and would even hit your father if he so much mumble the word “hell”. 

This was not your dad. This was not your universe.

With a cry, a portal opened behind you and you pushed the man hard until he stumbled. You heard him exclaim in pain and shock at how a small child like you overpower an adult like him even for just a moment and you felt so guilty for hurting him. Even though he wasn’t your dad, you felt so bad for hurting him and you wanted to rush into him and hug him and cry onto his chest and apologize—but you can’t. Because he wasn’t your father. So you ran into the portal ignoring his yells.

You thought that you would come home. That you would see your dad and father waiting for you with open arms or at least, scold you where had you been and stop making them worry. You hoped. You believed. But reality proved you wrong once more as you entered not your universe but another one where everything feels like texturized. Colours were changing and it did not seem like it blended and lines were there.

This was not your universe.

At five years old, you lost your universe and had no way back home.

By thirteen years old, you slowly started to forget your home. You jumped to one universe and another to find answers of why you could barely find your universe. You did everything to even just find a clue. Loneliness and jealousy accompanied you as you watched children so happy with their families. Fear and anxiety greeted you when you found out there were no other versions of you. Betrayal walked side by side with you with so many greedy hands wanting to take your multiverse traveling power for their wants (you could never forget the way one Sorcerer Supremem wanted to absorb your soul just so he could be in an alternate universe where he was happy). Despair seeped into your every pore you when you finally pieced enough clues to find a definitive answer. 

You were not supposed to live.

At thirteen years old, you lost all hope and ultimately, yourself.

When you were eighteen years old, you had begun to accept your reality and even settled on one universe where you lived and studied thanks to some of the friends you made. You even made some Spiderpeople friends in other universes and thanks to that, you officially became one as well even if you mostly do is help them from the sidelines (you either confuse villains with two Spiders or call the police). Sometimes if the situation calls for it, you had to be a villain just so you could help save humanity in other worlds but maybe that was just a part of what makes you a Spider.

At eighteen years old, you were beginning to live.

When you turned 21, you started to encounter beings who tested the limits of the multiverse and almost succeeded. Peter Parker, another Spiderman and a friend of yours, decided to cast a spell that cost him the memories of his world. You met America Chavez, a girl who was just like you, hunted for your abilities to travel between the multiverse and the Witch who lost herself because all she wanted was just to be happy.

By then, you met a lot of people, different people from different universes despite having the same identity (except for America because just like you, there was no other version of her).

But you have never met someone, the same person, in different worlds despite having alternate versions of himself.

tag-list: @belos-simp69 @memospacexx @etherealton @lexingtoon @speaker15 @loonalockley @fandoms-run-my-life @gg-trini @julesandro @manchuria @wonderahgase @nyxhatesme @yumeneji @bookish-bimbo @lordmypantsaresocool @@tortilla-chips-and-allioli @johanseongs @nuhteyam @toji-whore

[jsab-corruptedbond]

This has been roaming around my head for awhile so i decided to ask!! what happens if ur blixer was a slightly different story like instead of his parent being a spider what would if he actually have a bio logical parents? Would his parents have the same look as him or one of them has a different look or depends?

Bonus question: instead of mr spidey being his parent and he actually had biological parents would his story would be more different?? Like maybe more traumatizing and has past lores etc ?

oh I LOVE thinking about "what if's" scenarios I have multiple versions of CB (that end up not used) as for Blixer parents aspect or how he lived, it varies from cuda and lycan being his cave buddies and friends to having no parents and friends in the cave at all. Giving him parents didn't cross my mind at all at first because his reason for existing already kinda set (macabres wish) heck... even when i was 10 pages in the comic spidey didn't exist until i decided "hey if a spider adopt him, raised him to be good and suddenly blixer loose his sanity, wouldn't that make it more sad compared to him living alone?" and so spidey exist and i mention him in the boat with cuda scene + side comic to make up for my silly mid comic rewrite. It also shows he's not as violent as people think he is since he's LITERALLY RAISED BY SPIDERS, 10X TINY THAN HIM Now if we change it up and blixer have bio parents, a lot of things can change: > Blixer Identity Crisis is less intense. He got parents, who raised him, BIRTHED HIM. Unlike the in the comic where he just pops up out of no where and someone adopted him. Sure in both versions he got a loving family but you get the gist right? > Blixer mom is the first shape he accidentally corrupt. He got the curse of corrupting everything he touch, so his pure parents are now corrupt and THEY get the beating instead of Blixer. In the comic Spidey can't do much to protect him physically since he's tiny compared to blixer > HE'S GOT BASIC HUMAN NEEDS, lets say his dad isn't corrupt, he still can go outside and provide for the family there's a LOT more i can list (but it is 1:30 AM i'm getting sleepy lmao) but basically giving Blixer bio parents will make his backstory less traumatic......unless i killed them......... when he's young.... now to actually answer your first question lmao- yes i think his bio parents would look similar to him, heck i try to make macabres design similar to blixer since she wish for him and stuff

[thequeenofneverland1]

Damon and Stefan Salvatore////In the shallow of Katherine Pierce Part Four

Warnings: Emotional Manipulation, Violence and Threats, Grief and Loss, Character death, Emotional Distress, Romantic Conflict, Psychological Manipulation , Supernatural Elements, Alcohol Use and Identity Crisis

The morning sun streamed through the windows as you sat in the kitchen with Elena, sipping a cup of coffee. You’d hardly slept after everything that had happened with Elijah, the kiss still playing over and over in your mind. Knowing you couldn’t keep it in any longer, you decided to confide in your sister, hoping she’d help you make sense of the chaos swirling in your heart.

“Elena,” you began hesitantly, setting your mug down. “I need to tell you something. But you have to promise not to freak out.”

She raised an eyebrow, already intrigued. “That depends on what it is. But fine, I promise… no freaking out.”

You took a deep breath, avoiding her eyes. “Last night, I bumped into Elijah.”

Elena’s brow furrowed, but she stayed silent, waiting for you to continue.

“And he…kissed me,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Elena’s jaw dropped. “What? You kissed Elijah?”

You immediately shook your head, correcting her. “No! He kissed me. I mean, we were talking, and I wasn’t expecting it, but then he just… kissed me.”

Elena leaned back in her chair, eyes wide. “So… did you like it?” she asked, a mix of curiosity and concern in her voice.

You hesitated, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t know,” you admitted. “I’m confused. It caught me off guard, and I wasn’t sure how to feel. But…” You trailed off, trying to put your feelings into words.

“But what?” Elena pressed, leaning forward intently.

You sighed, staring at your hands. “When I’m with the Mikaelsons or one of them. it feels different. It’s intense, almost like they see a part of me that no one else does. But when I’m with Damon or Stefan… it’s just…”

Elena tilted her head, studying you closely. “It’s just what?”

You met her gaze, your voice soft but certain. “It just feels like home. Like no matter how complicated things get, or how lost I feel, they’re always there to pull me back. It’s not just one of them; it’s both. They understand me in a way that no one else does. And despite everything, it’s always them. It’ll always be the Salvatores.”

Elena blinked, absorbing your words. “Wow,” she said finally. “That’s… a lot. So, what are you going to do about Elijah?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted, shaking your head. “I think I need to set boundaries with him. Whatever that kiss was, it can’t happen again. My heart and everything belongs with Damon and Stefan. Even if I don’t fully understand it yet.”

Elena reached out, giving your hand a supportive squeeze. “I get it,” she said gently. “But you need to be careful. This love triangle or whatever it is has the potential to get messy fast. Just make sure you’re honest with everyone involved, okay?”

You nodded, feeling a little lighter after sharing your feelings. “Thanks, Elena. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She smiled, her usual sisterly warmth shining through. “You’d be lost, obviously,” she teased. “But seriously, you’ll figure it out. Just trust yourself or maybe don’t go kissing any more Mikaelsons.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing despite yourself. “Noted. No more Mikaelson kisses.”

As the two of you continued to talk, you felt a renewed sense of clarity. Whatever was happening between you and the Salvatores and now Elijah. you’d find a way to navigate it. One step at a time.

The night air was cool against your skin as you walked through the quiet streets, your thoughts swirling. You needed space, time to process everything. your hybrid revelation, the kiss with Elijah, and the undeniable connection you felt with Damon and Stefan. It felt like your world was spinning out of control, and for once, you just wanted silence.

But, of course, silence wasn’t something Katherine Pierce would ever allow.

“Ah, there she is,” came her familiar, taunting voice from behind you.

You froze mid-step, your heart sinking as you turned to face her. Katherine emerged from the shadows with her signature smirk, her dark eyes gleaming with amusement.

“What do you want, Katherine?” you asked, exhaling sharply.

She took a slow, deliberate step closer, her heels clicking against the pavement. “Oh, I just wanted to check on my darling daughter,” she said mockingly. “You’ve been busy, haven’t you?”

You crossed your arms, glaring at her. “I’m not in the mood for your games. Just say what you came to say and leave me alone.”

Katherine chuckled, tilting her head as if studying you. “You know, it’s fascinating watching you. You think you’re so different from me, but you’re not. In fact, you’re exactly like me.”

Your jaw tightened. “I’m nothing like you.”

“Really?” she drawled, arching an eyebrow. “Because from where I’m standing, you’re following in my exact footsteps. First, you kiss Elijah. What’s next? Damon? Stefan? Maybe both? You know, it’s only a matter of time before you do more than just kissing.”

Your cheeks flushed with a mix of anger and embarrassment. “You don’t know anything about me or what I feel.”

Katherine laughed, a sharp and cold sound. “Oh, sweetheart, I know everything about you. You’re my daughter, after all. You crave attention, just like I did. You want them all to love you. And guess what? They do. The Mikaelsons, and the Salvatores are all falling for you. But let me give you a little spoiler: it won’t end well for you. It never does for people like us.”

You clenched your fists, your anger boiling over. “I’m not you, Katherine. I don’t manipulate people, and I don’t destroy lives for fun. Whatever choices I make, they’re mine. not yours. So stop projecting your twisted life onto me.”

Katherine’s smirk faltered for a moment, but she quickly recovered, her expression turning icy. “Keep telling yourself that, Y/N. But one day, you’ll realize I was right. And when that day comes, I’ll be waiting to say, ‘I told you so.’”

She stepped back, her figure melting into the shadows as quickly as she’d appeared.

You stood there, shaking with frustration and disbelief. Katherine’s words lingered in your mind, poking at your insecurities. But deep down, you knew she was wrong. You weren’t her. You could never be her.

Taking a deep breath, you turned and continued walking, determined to prove to everyone and to yourself that your path would be different.

The morning sun streamed through the windows of the Salvatore kitchen as Damon whistled a tune, flipping a pancake with a flick of his wrist. The delicious scent of batter and sizzling butter filled the room, making your stomach growl. You wandered into the kitchen, still in your pajamas, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Morning, Princess,” Damon greeted with his trademark smirk. “You’re just in time for a culinary masterpiece.”

You raised an eyebrow, leaning against the counter. “You? Cooking? Should I be worried?”

“Ha, ha,” he said dryly, pouring more batter onto the skillet. “I’m an excellent chef when I want to be. You’re about to experience breakfast art.”

As he flipped another pancake, you noticed something unusual about the stack already on the plate. Picking one up, you stared at it, then burst out laughing.

“Damon, not again with your vampire pancakes.” you said, pointing to the pancake. It had two berry eyes, a bloody red syrup mouth, and jagged whipped cream fangs.

“Excuse me, Princess?” he asks, pretending to be offended. “You like them so don’t lie and besides don’t they look cute?”

You laughed harder, clutching your stomach. “It looks like a deranged cartoon character. And what’s with the syrup? Did the vampire eat a victim or spill its lunch all over itself?”

“Excuse you, this syrup represents lifeblood,” he quipped, taking a dramatic tone. “Art must provoke emotion.”

“Yeah, my emotion is confusion,” you teased.

Stefan walked into the kitchen at that moment, eyebrows raising at the scene. “What’s going on here?” he asked, glancing at the stack of vampire pancakes.

“Damon’s Picasso phase, apparently,” you said, showing him the pancake.

Stefan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Damon, can’t we just have a normal breakfast for once?”

“Normal?” Damon scoffed, gesturing toward his creation. “Normal is boring. This, dear brother, is art. And Y/N appreciates it. Don’t you, Princess?”

You smirked, holding up the pancake for closer inspection. “I mean… it’s definitely something. But I’m not eating this one. It looks like it’s judging me.”

Damon snatched the pancake from your hand, mock-offended. “Fine, I’ll eat it. You don’t deserve the brilliance of Vampire Pancake Damon.”

Stefan rolled his eyes and started pouring himself some coffee. “Why do I even bother? I’ll make normal ones for myself.”

Damon leaned closer to you with a wink. “Don’t worry, Princess, I’ll make you another. Just wait till you see the vampire bat pancakes.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Only you, Damon. Only you.”

As you sat at the table, watching him create yet another pancake masterpiece, you couldn’t help but smile. Moments like these reminded you that, no matter how complicated your life had become, there was still room for laughter and pancakes. in your little vampire family.

The autumn air was crisp as you strolled down the main street of Mystic Falls, your arms looped through Damon’s and Stefan’s. Damon walked on your left, his typical smug smirk in place, while Stefan was on your right, offering his usual calm and reassuring presence. The brothers had insisted on accompanying you, claiming they wanted to “keep you out of trouble,” though you suspected Damon was more interested in flaunting the bond you shared.

“I’m just saying,” Damon was saying as he looked over at Stefan, “if she’s walking with both of us, it’s clear who the town’s favorite brothers are.”

“You mean me,” Stefan countered, shaking his head with a small grin. “You’re just here for comic relief.”

You laughed softly, looking between the two of them. “If you two keep bickering, I’m going to start walking by myself.”

Damon leaned closer to you with a smirk. “You wouldn’t dare, Princess. You love us too much.”

Before you could respond, you heard the unmistakable sound of approaching footsteps. Your heart sank as you looked ahead and saw the Mikaelsons brothers. The three of them stopped in their tracks, wearing matching smirks that instantly set Damon on edge.

“Well, well,” Klaus drawled, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. “If it isn’t the Salvatores and their charming companion.”

Kol’s grin widened as his gaze landed on you. “Ah, Y/N. Fancy seeing you out and about. Taking the brothers for a stroll, are we? How domestic.”

You felt Damon’s grip on your arm tighten slightly as he muttered under his breath, “Great. Just what we needed. The Originals on parade.”

But it wasn’t Klaus or Kol who had your attention. It was Elijah. His expression was more controlled, but you could see the flicker of something in his eyes. something he didn’t bother to hide. The memory of the kiss you shared just days ago flashed in your mind, and you quickly looked away, your cheeks warming despite the chill in the air.

Elijah, however, kept his eyes on you, his usual poised demeanor softening for a fraction of a second. There was no smirk on his lips, only a subtle intensity that made your pulse quicken. Damon noticed and stepped slightly in front of you, his posture protective.

“Enjoying the view, Elijah?” Damon quipped, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Elijah didn’t rise to the bait, his gaze still locked on you. “I was merely admiring the company you keep,” he said smoothly. “It seems you’ve developed quite the attachment to them.”

Kol chuckled darkly. “Oh, I’d say it’s more than that, wouldn’t you, brother? She seems to have a talent for charming all the wrong people.”

You shot Kol a warning look, but it was Klaus who stepped forward, his grin as sharp as a blade. “Careful, Y/N. Too much time with the Salvatores, and you might end up just as tragic as them.”

“Enough,” Stefan said firmly, his voice cutting through the tension. “Why are you even here? Looking for someone else to torment?”

Klaus shrugged innocently. “Torment? Us? Never. We were simply passing through.” His eyes glinted with amusement as they flicked between you and Elijah. “Though it seems some of us might have other motivations.”

Damon narrowed his eyes. “Whatever game you think you’re playing, Klaus, it’s not going to work. She’s with us.”

Klaus’s smirk didn’t waver. “Oh, I don’t doubt that. For now.”

You could feel the tension radiating from both sides, and you took a small step back, your stomach twisting. Elijah’s gaze softened just slightly as he noticed your discomfort, but before he could say anything, Damon spoke again.

“Unless you’ve got something important to say, why don’t you all run along?” Damon said coldly, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Klaus chuckled, clearly amused by the hostility. “Very well. We wouldn’t want to overstay our welcome.” He looked at you one last time, his smirk fading into something more calculating. “But do remember, Y/N, alliances can shift. Don’t let these two convince you otherwise.”

As the Mikaelsons walked away, Elijah glanced back once, his eyes meeting yours for a brief, heart-stopping moment before he turned and disappeared with his brothers.

Stefan let out a slow breath, his hand resting lightly on your arm. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” you said quickly, though your heart was still racing.

Damon tilted his head, studying you with a knowing expression. “You’re a terrible liar, Princess. Want to tell us what that was all about?”

“Not really,” you muttered, looking down at the ground as you tried to steady yourself. But deep down, you knew this wasn’t over not by a long shot.

The Mikaelson brothers were gathered in the grand living room of their estate, the crackling fireplace casting shadows across the ancient walls. Kol lounged casually on the arm of a chair, his playful smirk firmly in place as he tossed a coin between his fingers. Klaus stood by the fireplace, swirling a glass of bourbon, his sharp blue eyes narrowed as they focused on Elijah, who sat stoically with his hands clasped in front of him.

“Elijah,” Klaus began, his tone dripping with suspicion, “care to explain why you were staring at Y/N like she was the Mona Lisa come to life? It was… noticeable.”

Kol’s smirk widened as he leaned forward. “Oh, come now, brother. We all saw it. The long, lingering looks, the softening of those usually stiff features of yours. Quite unlike you.” He arched an eyebrow, his tone teasing yet sharp. “So, care to enlighten us? Or shall we just assume you’ve joined the club?”

Elijah adjusted his posture, his face calm and unreadable as ever. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” he said smoothly. “I was merely observing. She was walking with the Salvatores. Naturally, I was… curious about her condition.”

“Her condition,” Klaus repeated, his tone dripping with disbelief. He took a sip of his drink before shaking his head. “That’s rich, even for you, Elijah. Admit it. you’ve developed a… fondness for her.”

Kol laughed, flipping the coin in the air before catching it. “Fondness? Oh no, Nik, it’s more than that. Did you see the way he looked at her? Like he’d just seen the sun after a thousand years of darkness.”

Elijah’s jaw tensed, his hands folding neatly in his lap. “You’re both mistaken,” he said firmly. “I have no such feelings for Y/N. I was merely ensuring she wasn’t being manipulated by the Salvatores. We’ve seen how their… attachments can spiral into disaster.”

Kol rolled his eyes, clearly not buying the explanation. “Oh, please. You think I don’t recognize that look? It’s the same one Nik gets when he’s plotting how to win her over.”

Klaus shot Kol a warning glare but didn’t deny it. “Careful, Kol,” he said coolly. “You’re not exactly subtle yourself. I’ve noticed how you’ve taken to conveniently showing up wherever Y/N happens to be.”

Kol raised his hands in mock surrender. “Guilty as charged. Can you blame me? She’s enchanting. But this isn’t about me, is it? It’s about Elijah.” He turned his gaze back to his older brother, his smirk sharp and probing. “So, Elijah, tell us are you planning to woo her with your endless speeches about honor and morality?”

Elijah stood abruptly, his calm demeanor finally cracking just a little. “Enough,” he said sharply. “Whatever you may think you saw, it’s irrelevant. My interest in Y/N is purely protective.”

Klaus arched an eyebrow, his lips curling into a sly smile. “Protective, is it? That’s an interesting word, considering you kissed her.”

Kol’s grin widened in delight. “Oh, now this is getting good! Tell us, brother was it a chaste little peck, or something more… passionate?”

Elijah’s expression darkened, and he turned to leave the room, clearly done with the conversation. “Believe what you will,” he said over his shoulder. “But I suggest you focus less on me and more on how you intend to handle your own feelings for her.”

Kol and Klaus exchanged a glance as the door closed behind Elijah. Kol’s playful smirk softened just slightly, and Klaus swirled his bourbon thoughtfully.

“Well,” Kol said after a moment, “this just got a whole lot more interesting.”

Klaus chuckled, though there was an edge to it. “Indeed it has, brother. Indeed it has.”

As you walked your mind was swirling with everything that had happened. the secrets, the lies, the strange attraction you felt toward both the Salvatores and the Mikaelsons. It was all too much to handle, and you needed some time alone to think. You weren’t paying much attention to where you were going as you rounded a corner, and then—

You collided with something solid.

“Whoa, careful love,” Klaus’s voice came, smooth and tinged with amusement.

You stumbled backward slightly, but strong hands gripped your arms, steadying you. Looking up, you met his piercing blue eyes. He was standing just a few inches from you, his presence as commanding as ever. A faint, teasing smile played at the corners of his lips.

“Sorry,” you muttered, stepping back to regain your balance, though your heart was racing from the unexpected contact.

Klaus’s gaze never wavered, a knowing look passing between you as if he could sense the turmoil inside you. “No need to apologize. It’s not every day I get to run into someone as… distracting as you.”

You raised an eyebrow, not sure how to take that comment. “Distracting?”

He shrugged, his expression more serious now, though the playful glint still lingered in his eyes. “You are, aren’t you? With everything that’s happened recently… the Salvatores, my brothers and me, the confusion. It’s only natural that someone as fascinating as you would be caught in the middle.”

You narrowed your eyes, the weight of his words settling heavily on your chest. “What do you mean by that?”

Klaus’s hands slipped into his pockets as he leaned slightly closer. “I’m just saying that, whether you like it or not, you’re a part of all of this now. And let’s be honest, Y/N,” he said, his voice dropping lower, “it’s not just the Salvatores you’re thinking about. It’s us, too. You’re torn between two worlds. And honestly, I can’t help but wonder what choice you’ll make when the time comes.”

You took a step back, startled by his directness. “What are you talking about, Klaus? I’m not… torn between anything. I–.”

He interrupted you with a soft chuckle, his voice almost a purr. “Oh, but you are. I can see it in the way you hesitate when you’re around me. The way you look at me when you think no one’s watching. It’s like a dance, Y/N. and I’m sure you didn’t expect, but one that you’re caught in all the same.”

Your heart was racing now, and you hated that he was right. There was something about the way he spoke, the way he made you feel seen something that made your emotions all the more complicated.

Klaus tilted his head slightly, studying you with an intensity that made your breath catch. “I’m not here to make things more difficult for you. But if you ever decide that you don’t want to be tangled up in all of this… You know where to find me.”

His words hung in the air like a promise, and before you could respond, Klaus turned and walked away, his movements as graceful and assured as always. You stood there, frozen in place, feeling the weight of his gaze even after he was gone.

What was it about him? What was it about them all? You didn’t know how to answer, but one thing was certain: your world was changing, and the Mikaelsons were at the heart of it.

As you walked away from the spot where you had just encountered Klaus, still processing his cryptic words, you turned a corner and nearly collided with Kol. You hadn’t heard his approach, but then again, it wasn’t surprising. Kol was as stealthy as he was charming.

You froze, heart racing slightly. “Kol,” you muttered, startled.

He flashed a mischievous grin, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I don’t bite darling well, not unless you ask nicely.”

You rolled your eyes, attempting to regain some semblance of composure. “Don’t you ever watch where you’re going?”

“Not really my style,” he said with a wink, leaning against the wall casually, arms crossed. “Though, I’m starting to wonder if it’s fate that keeps bringing us together.” He took a step closer, his gaze never leaving yours. “Every time I turn around, there you are, looking all… mysterious. Are you always this evasive, or are you just playing hard to get?”

You gave him a look. “I’m not playing anything. I’m just… trying to get through this mess.”

Kol tilted his head, his expression shifting to something more thoughtful. “Mess? I’m not sure I’d call it that. It’s a fascinating little game we’ve all found ourselves in. But I can see it’s taking its toll on you.” His voice softened, though it still carried that signature teasing tone. “You’ve been acting distant lately. Something on your mind?”

You hesitated. How much should you tell him? Was it wise to open up to a Mikaelson, of all people? They were unpredictable, dangerous. but there was something about Kol. Something that made him seem… different from his siblings. Still, the last thing you needed was to let him get too close.

“I’m fine,” you said quickly, brushing off his question. “Just trying to figure things out.”

Kol’s smirk didn’t falter. “Ah, yes. That old ‘I’m fine’ excuse. We both know that’s never the case, darling.” He took a step closer, his voice dropping lower, softer. “You’ve got something on your mind. You’re always thinking, always questioning. It’s written all over your face.”

You clenched your jaw, not wanting to give him any more than he already knew. But there was something about the way he said it. so disarming, so genuine that made it harder to keep up the walls you’d been so careful to build. Kol wasn’t like Klaus or Elijah, with their heavy stares and intense, brooding nature. Kol was more… playful. And in some ways, that made him even more dangerous.

“I’m just… confused, OK?” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s too much happening. too many people involved, too many emotions flying around. I can’t make sense of any of it.”

Kol’s expression softened, just a hint. He stepped closer, and for a moment, his playful demeanor disappeared, replaced with something else. something that looked almost like concern. “It’s alright to be confused, Y/N. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away. Life’s not like that, especially not with us. We’re all… tangled up in things we didn’t ask for.”

You looked up at him, your heart racing. His words were strangely comforting, but at the same time, they only made everything feel even more complicated.

Kol reached out then, his hand brushing against yours in an almost casual manner, though there was an undeniable spark in the touch. “You don’t have to figure it out alone. We’re all in this together, whether you like it or not. And who knows? Maybe it’ll all make sense eventually.”

Before you could respond, he flashed that devilish smile again, the playful Kol you knew, and took a step back. “But, for now, I’ll let you think it over. After all, I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you with all this charm.”

you found yourself at a loss for words. Kol was right about one thing: he had a way of making things seem… simpler, even if they weren’t.

“Just think about it,” he said, his voice lingering in the air. “We’re not all bad, you know. Some of us might even surprise you.”

And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing there, your mind reeling once again.

As the evening settled in, casting long shadows across Mystic Falls, you wandered through the quiet streets, needing time to think. The tension between the Salvatores, the Mikaelsons, and everything else in your life was weighing you down. You turned a corner, only to stop short as you found yourself face-to-face with Elijah Mikaelson.

“Elijah,” you said, your voice a mix of surprise and hesitation.

He stood with his usual composed demeanor, hands tucked neatly into his pockets. His dark eyes studied you, and for a moment, you thought you saw something flicker behind them. regret? Concern? It was hard to tell with Elijah; he was always so carefully guarded.

“Y/N,” he greeted, his voice warm but measured. “Out for an evening stroll?”

You nodded, unsure of what to say. His presence always made you feel a strange mixture of comfort and unease. He had a way of looking at you, as if he could see right through the walls you tried so hard to keep up.

“I needed some air,” you admitted. “Everything’s been… a lot lately.”

Elijah took a step closer, his gaze softening. “Understandable. Your world has been turned upside down, and you’ve had precious little time to adjust.” His voice carried that calm, soothing tone he always seemed to have, and it eased some of the tension in your chest.

You looked away, feeling vulnerable under his watchful eyes. “I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Everyone has these… expectations of me. The Salvatores, you and your brothers, and Katherine. It’s like I’m being pulled in a hundred different directions.”

Elijah tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. “And what is it that you want, Y/N? Have you allowed yourself the chance to consider that?”

His question caught you off guard. You hadn’t had much time to think about what you wanted, caught up as you were in everyone else’s agendas. You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t know,” you said honestly. “I just want some peace. Some clarity. But it feels impossible.”

Elijah stepped even closer, his presence steady and reassuring. “Peace is not easily found in a life such as yours,” he said gently. “But clarity… that is something I may be able to help you with.”

You looked up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

Elijah hesitated for a moment, as if weighing his next words carefully. Finally, he said, “I see a strength in you, Y/N. A resilience. It’s what sets you apart from others. But I also see the weight you carry, the doubts that plague you. You don’t have to bear it all alone.”

His words struck a chord, and for a moment, you felt the urge to lean on him, to let him take some of the burden. But then you remembered the kiss, the lingering feelings of confusion it had left behind. Being around Elijah was complicated, no matter how comforting he seemed.

“Elijah,” you began, your voice uncertain. “About the other night—”

“I was out of line,” he interrupted, his tone sincere. “I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment, and for that, I apologize. I would never want to cause you any distress.”

You blinked, taken aback by his candor. “You didn’t—well, it’s not that. It’s just… everything feels so tangled right now. I don’t know what to think or feel.”

Elijah nodded, his expression understanding. “Then take your time, Y/N. You owe nothing to anyone, least of all me. Whatever path you choose, it should be one that brings you peace, not more chaos.”

His words were like a balm to your frazzled mind, and for the first time in days, you felt a small spark of clarity. “Thank you,” you said softly, meeting his gaze. “I mean it.”

Elijah inclined his head, a faint smile playing on his lips. “Anytime.”

As he stepped back, giving you space to continue your walk, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of something unnameable. gratitude? Fondness? Whatever it was, it only added to the complexity of your already tangled emotions.

You watched as he walked away, his figure disappearing into the shadows. And as you turned to head back home, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, Elijah understood you better than you realized.

The evening had grown heavy, and so had your heart. After much deliberation, you decided it was time to come clean to Damon and Stefan. The weight of your secret. the kiss with Elijah and it was eating away at you, and though you didn’t want to hurt them, you knew they deserved the truth.

When you arrived at the Salvatore house, they were sitting in the living room, their usual playful banter filling the air. Seeing their carefree smiles only made the task ahead more difficult.

“Hey, princess,” Damon greeted, his voice as smooth as ever. Stefan looked up from his book, offering you a warm smile. “Everything okay?”

You hesitated, shifting on your feet. “I need to talk to you both. It’s… important.”

Their smiles faded, concerned about taking over as they exchanged a glance. Damon gestured to the couch. “Alright, spill. What’s going on?”

You took a deep breath, sitting down across from them. Your hands trembled slightly, and you clenched them together to steady yourself. “There’s something I need to tell you. And before I do, I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt either of you.”

Stefan leaned forward, his brows furrowing. “Y/N, what is it?”

“I kissed Elijah,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

The silence that followed was deafening. Damon froze, his signature smirk wiped clean from his face. Stefan’s expression crumpled into something between shock and pain.

“You what?” Damon finally said, his voice low and strained.

“It just happened,” you explained quickly, your words tumbling out in a desperate rush. “He was talking to me, and… it wasn’t planned. I didn’t mean for it to happen, and I—”

“You kissed Elijah?” Damon repeated, his tone sharper now, laced with disbelief.

“Actually,” you corrected softly, “he kissed me.”

That didn’t seem to help. Stefan stood up, pacing the room, his jaw clenched. “And you didn’t think to tell us sooner? Or were you just hoping we wouldn’t find out?”

“It wasn’t like that!” you said, your voice breaking. “I was confused, okay? I didn’t even know how I felt about it until—”

“Until now?” Damon cut in, his voice cold. “Well, thanks for letting us know where we stand, princess.”

His words stung, and you felt tears prick your eyes. “Damon, please, it’s not like that. I—”

“Save it,” he said, standing abruptly. “I think we’ve heard enough.”

The room felt suffocating, the tension unbearable. Stefan avoided your gaze, his expression one of quiet devastation. Damon wouldn’t even look at you.

“I should go,” you said, your voice trembling. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Neither of them stopped you as you left. The weight of their pain followed you as you stepped outside, your heart feeling heavier with every step you took.

As you walked aimlessly through the dimly lit streets, your phone buzzed in your pocket. Hoping for a distraction, you answered without checking the caller ID.

“Y/N,” Elena’s voice came through, choked and panicked.

“Elena?” you said, immediately alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Jeremy,” she sobbed, her words barely coherent. “He’s gone. He’s… he’s dead.”

The world seemed to tilt on its axis. “What?” you whispered, stopping in your tracks.

“It happened so fast,” Elena cried. “I couldn’t save him. He’s gone, Y/N. Jeremy’s gone.”

The phone slipped from your hand, clattering to the pavement. Your knees buckled, and you sank to the ground, the tears you’d been holding back finally spilling over.

First Damon and Stefan, now Jeremy. It felt like your world was shattering piece by piece, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

You stayed there on the cold pavement, sobbing into the night, the weight of your choices and losses pressing down on you. The sound of Elena’s cries echoed faintly from the phone, a heartbreaking reminder of just how much had been lost in a single, devastating moment.

The night was eerily quiet, save for the soft crunch of leaves beneath your feet. Your heart felt like it was breaking with every step you took, tears streaming down your face as Jeremy’s death and your confrontation with Damon and Stefan replayed endlessly in your mind. Every breath was a struggle, every beat of your heart a painful reminder of everything you’d lost.

You barely noticed the familiar presence until a voice cut through the stillness, smooth and calculated.

“Sweetheart, why are you torturing yourself like this?”

You froze, turning to see Katherine standing in the shadows, her arms crossed and a knowing smirk playing on her lips. She stepped closer, her dark eyes glinting in the moonlight.

“Katherine,” you muttered, your voice hoarse from crying. “What do you want?”

“Me?” she said, feigning innocence. “I just want to help my darling daughter. You’re clearly falling apart. It’s written all over your face.”

“Don’t,” you snapped, trying to walk past her, but she moved swiftly, blocking your path.

“Don’t what?” Katherine said, tilting her head. “Don’t tell you the truth? Don’t remind you that this pain you’re feeling? It doesn’t have to be like this.”

You glared at her through tear-filled eyes. “I don’t want to hear it.”

She sighed dramatically, stepping even closer. “Of course you don’t. Because you’re stubborn, just like me. But let’s face it, baby. you’re drowning. Jeremy’s gone. The Salvatores are heartbroken. And you? You’re carrying all of it. It’s going to destroy you, Y/N. Unless…”

You didn’t ask her to finish. You didn’t want to hear it, but she continued anyway.

“Unless you do what I do sometimes,” Katherine said, her voice softer now, almost soothing. “Turn it off.”

Your stomach twisted at her words. “No. I won’t do that.”

Katherine laughed lightly. “Oh, but why not? What’s left for you here? Pain? Heartbreak? Guilt? Why carry it when you don’t have to? You’re a vampire now, Y/N. You have the choice to shut it all out. No more tears, no more hurt, no more weakness.”

You shook your head, stepping back, but her words burrowed into your mind like a poison. “I can’t,” you whispered.

“Can’t or won’t?” Katherine challenged, her tone sharpening. “You’re scared. You think holding onto this pain makes you better than me, but it doesn’t. It makes you weak. And you know what’s worse? All this guilt you’re carrying for other people. Damon, Stefan, Jeremy. it doesn’t matter. They’re not here. You’re the one suffering.”

Her words hit a nerve, and fresh tears spilled down your cheeks.

“Stop it,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “Just stop.”

Katherine leaned closer, her voice dropping to a near whisper. “Turn it off, Y/N. Do it, and you’ll finally be free. No more heartbreak, no more crying yourself to sleep, no more pain. It’s all just… gone.”

You clenched your fists, trying to fight the temptation. But her words lingered, and the pain in your chest felt unbearable. Katherine was right about one thing. you were drowning. And in that moment, the idea of escaping it all, of not feeling anything, seemed almost… merciful.

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” you admitted, your voice cracking.

Katherine’s smirk returned, triumphant. “Then don’t. Just let it go. Turn it off.”

You hesitated, the war inside you raging. Part of you wanted to fight, to hold onto the part of yourself that still cared. But the other part. the part that was tired, broken, and desperate was louder.

With a shaky breath, you closed your eyes and let go. The emotions that had been suffocating you. the grief, the guilt, the heartbreak began to fade, replaced by a cold, numbing void. When you opened your eyes again, the tears had stopped.

Katherine stepped back, studying you with approval. “There it is,” she said, a satisfied smile on her lips. “Now you’re ready to really live, Y/N.”

You didn’t say anything, your expression now blank and unreadable. The pain was gone, just as she promised. And with it, the weight of everything that had once mattered.

As Katherine turned and began to walk away, she glanced back over her shoulder. “You’ll thank me for this one day.”

You didn’t respond. You simply stood there, staring into the night, the world around you feeling strangely distant and hollow. For the first time in days, you felt nothing.

The moon hung low in the sky as you wandered aimlessly through the woods, your once vibrant demeanor replaced by a chilling indifference. The wind rustled through the trees, but its soothing whispers didn’t reach you. You weren’t the same anymore; you couldn’t feel the ache, the pain, the crushing grief. All that was left was a cold emptiness, and you welcomed it.

“Y/N.”

You froze at the sound of a familiar voice and turned to see the Mikaelsons stepping out of the shadows. Elijah, Klaus, and Kol stood before you, their expressions somber, each of them carrying an air of hesitation.

“We heard about your brother,” Elijah began, his voice gentle, as if he was treading carefully. “And we wanted to offer our condolences. If there is anything or anything at all that we can do, we are here for you.”

You stared at them for a moment, then burst into laughter. Not the kind of laughter that brought joy, but one that was hollow, biting, and unnerving. It echoed through the woods, cutting through the quiet night like a blade.

Klaus frowned, stepping closer. “Y/N, are you all right?”

“All right?” you repeated, your laughter dying abruptly as you took a step forward. “Oh, I’m better than all right. I’m finally free.”

Kol’s face darkened, suspicion flickering in his eyes. “What does that mean?”

Elijah studied you intently, his gaze sharp and assessing. Then it hit him. He took a step forward, concern etched on his face. “You turned it off, didn’t you?”

You tilted your head, a wicked smile creeping onto your lips. “And here I thought you were the smart one.”

“Love, no,” Klaus said, his voice firm, though there was an edge of worry. “This isn’t you. You’ve let Katherine get inside your head. Turn it back on. You need to grieve properly.”

“Grieve?” you scoffed, pulling out a stake from behind your back. The sight of it made the brothers instinctively tense. “Why would I want to do that? All grief does is hurt. And I’m done with that.”

“Y/N,” Elijah said softly, his calm demeanor unwavering despite the weapon in your hand. “We understand your pain. Losing a sibling is—”

“Don’t you dare talk to me about pain!” you snapped, your voice like venom. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. No idea what it’s like to have everything ripped away from you and be left with nothing!”

Kol tried to step closer, his tone gentle but wary. “We’re not your enemies, darling. We just want to help.”

You laughed darkly, spinning the stake in your hand. “Help? That’s rich. If you’re so concerned, then leave me alone. But if you insist on pushing, I’ll happily remind you why they call me dangerous.”

Klaus’s jaw clenched as he exchanged a glance with Elijah. “Y/N, you don’t mean that.”

“Oh, don’t I?” you said, your voice dropping to a deadly calm. “Try me, and you’ll find out just how serious I am. You’ll end up just like anyone else who gets in my way will end up dead.”

The Mikaelsons stood frozen, a mixture of shock and heartbreak on their faces. The warmth they’d always associated with you was gone, replaced by a cold, detached version of yourself that they barely recognized.

Elijah’s voice cracked as he spoke, his composure slipping. “This isn’t who you are, Y/N. Please, don’t let this define you.”

You tilted your head, smirking cruelly. “Maybe this is exactly who I am. Maybe you just didn’t know me as well as you thought.”

For a moment, silence hung in the air, the tension suffocating. Then, without another word, you turned on your heel and disappeared into the night, leaving the Mikaelsons standing there, their hearts heavy with the weight of your transformation.

“Did you see her eyes?” Kol whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

“She’s gone,” Klaus muttered, his tone unusually soft.

Elijah straightened, his face resolute despite the pain in his eyes. “No. She’s still in there. We’ll bring her back.”

The Mikaelsons watched the direction you’d vanished into, determined but broken. They knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but they weren’t ready to give up on you. not yet.

The night was alive with music, laughter, and a carefree energy that felt almost foreign to you. You found yourself in one of Mystic Falls’ more discreet underground venues, the kind of place that Katherine knew all too well. Neon lights flashed in rhythmic patterns, casting a kaleidoscope of colors over the crowd. The air buzzed with the scent of alcohol, sweat, and exhilaration.

You were seated in a plush booth, leaning back with a glass of bourbon in your hand, watching the chaos unfold on the dance floor. Katherine was beside you, dressed to kill figuratively and, knowing her, probably literally. She looked like she owned the place, her smirk as sharp as ever.

“See, darling,” Katherine said, sipping her drink with a satisfied grin, “this is what life should be about. No strings, no guilt. Just fun. No one to judge you, no one to hold you back.”

You tilted your head, your lips curling into a smirk that mirrored hers. “It does have its perks. Though I didn’t peg you for the ‘mother-daughter bonding night’ type.”

Katherine laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, please. I’m not that sentimental. But I couldn’t resist showing my baby girl how to truly enjoy the perks of being… well, us.”

She gestured to the scene around you and humans laughing and drinking, oblivious to the vampires in their midst. You could feel the pulse of their blood, the intoxicating allure of it calling to you, but tonight wasn’t about hunger. It was about indulgence in a different form.

Katherine suddenly stood, pulling you to your feet. “Come on. You can’t just sit there looking pretty all night.”

You raised an eyebrow, amused. “What exactly do you have in mind?”

Her grin widened as she led you to the dance floor. The crowd parted for her as if they instinctively knew not to get in her way. The music thumped loudly, and before you knew it, you were dancing alongside her.

At first, you felt a bit stiff, the weight of everything still lingering in the back of your mind, but Katherine wasn’t having it. She spun you around, laughing, and leaned in to shout over the music. “Loosen up, Y/N! You’ve already turned off your humanity. This is your chance to let go and have some real fun!”

As the beat picked up, you decided to follow her lead. You allowed yourself to sway to the music, to feel the energy of the crowd around you. It wasn’t long before you were laughing alongside Katherine, caught up in the wildness of the moment.

After a while, you found yourselves back at the bar. Katherine ordered another round of drinks, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’re getting the hang of it,” she said, nudging you with her elbow.

“Guess I had a good teacher,” you quipped, earning an approving nod from her.

As the night went on, you found yourself genuinely enjoying her company. Katherine might have been manipulative and self-serving, but tonight, she felt almost… human. She told you stories of her wildest escapades, some of which had you rolling your eyes, others that made you laugh so hard your sides hurt.

But the fun wasn’t without its edge. Katherine occasionally shot predatory glances at unsuspecting humans in the room, and you knew she was testing you, waiting to see if you’d follow her lead in a darker way.

When a particularly bold guy tried to flirt with you, Katherine’s smirk turned deadly. She stepped in, placing a protective yet condescending arm around your shoulders. “Sorry, sweetheart,” she told the guy, her tone dripping with fake sweetness, “she’s out of your league. Run along.”

You burst out laughing as the guy scurried off, and Katherine shrugged. “What? I can’t have anyone ruining our night.”

As the hours ticked by, you started to realize what Katherine was doing. She wasn’t just showing you how to have fun. she was pulling you deeper into her world, the one where consequences didn’t exist, and pleasure came before anything else.

For now, you let her, because it felt good to forget. But somewhere in the back of your mind, a small voice whispered that this wasn’t who you were.

For tonight, though, you silenced that voice.

The Mikaelsons entered the dimly lit club, their sharp eyes scanning the crowd. Klaus led the way, his jaw set with determination, while Kol followed close behind, exuding his usual air of mischief. Elijah, as composed as ever, trailed them, his eyes darting through the room in search of you. They had heard rumors of your activities with Katherine and were determined to find you, whether it was to bring you back or to confront you.

Suddenly, they spotted you standing by the bar, a glass of bourbon in hand. Klaus stepped forward, his voice commanding. “Y/N.”

You turned slowly, a sly smirk spreading across your face. “Oh, no, no, no, handsome,” you purred, your tone dripping with mockery. “I’m not Y/N. I’m Katherine.”

Klaus raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Do you take us for fools? We can tell the difference between you and your mother.”

Before you could respond, another figure emerged from the shadows. Katherine herself. She sauntered over, her smile identical to yours, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “No, my sweet daughter,” she said, her voice laced with sarcasm, “I am Katherine. Oh wait… no, I’m Y/N.”

The two of you burst into laughter, your voices blending into a perfect harmony that only added to the Mikaelsons’ confusion.

Kol folded his arms, leaning casually against the nearest surface. “Well, this is entertaining,” he drawled. “A game of Who’s Who. Tell me, ladies, how long do you plan to keep this up?”

You exchanged a glance with Katherine, your smirks widening. “As long as it takes for you to guess,” you said in unison, your voices perfectly synchronized.

Elijah’s patience was already wearing thin. “Enough of this,” he said firmly, his eyes narrowing. “We’re not here for your games. Y/N, we need to talk.”

Katherine placed a hand dramatically over her chest. “Oh, Elijah,” she said, feigning shock. “You’re breaking my heart. Can’t you tell it’s me, Katherina?”

You mimicked her gesture, your tone dripping with mock offense. “No, no, Elijah. It’s me, Y/N. Don’t you recognize your favorite human-turned-vampire-turned… well, whatever I am now?”

Klaus’s temper flared. “We don’t have time for this nonsense!” he snapped. “Enough with the charade. Y/N, since you have your humidity off, you just have made a grave mistake. And as for you, Katherine—”

But Katherine cut him off, stepping closer to Klaus with a playful smile. “Oh, Niklaus, you always did take everything so seriously. Relax. Enjoy the show. It’s not every day you get to see a mother-daughter duo working together, is it?”

You tilted your head, meeting Klaus’s glare with your own defiance. “What’s the matter, Klaus? Feeling a little out of control? You’re used to everyone bowing to your whims, aren’t you?”

Kol laughed, thoroughly enjoying the chaos. “I have to admit,” he said, his grin widening, “I quite like this side of Y/N. Spunky, unpredictable. Very… Katherine-like.”

Katherine clapped her hands together, beaming. “Finally, someone with good taste. Thank you, Kol.”

Elijah stepped forward, his tone sharp. “This isn’t a game, Y/N. You’re playing with fire, aligning yourself with Katherine. You’re better than this.”

You rolled your eyes, your smile fading for a brief moment. “Am I? Because right now, it feels pretty damn liberating to not care. Maybe Katherine had the right idea all along.”

Katherine smirked, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “See? She gets it.”

But before anyone could respond, you both started walking toward the exit, leaving the Mikaelsons standing there, visibly frustrated.

As you disappeared into the night with Katherine, Kol chuckled softly. “Well, that was fun.”

Elijah sighed, rubbing his temples. “Fun isn’t exactly the word I would use.”

Klaus clenched his fists, his expression dark. “We’ll get through to her. One way or another.”

Elena stormed into the Salvatore boarding house, her face pale and frantic, but her words were met with silence. Damon and Stefan were sitting in the living room, Damon swirling a glass of bourbon while Stefan stared out the window, lost in thought. Neither of them looked at her when she entered.

“Really?” Elena snapped, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re both still ignoring me? I get that you’re mad at me for not telling you about the kiss with Elijah, but right now, I don’t care! I’ve been calling you all day, and neither of you is answering!”

Damon glanced at her briefly, raising an eyebrow, but then went back to his drink without saying a word. Stefan didn’t even acknowledge her.

“Fine,” Elena said, her voice shaking with frustration. “Be mad at me all you want. But if you actually care about Y/N, you’ll stop sulking and listen to me!”

At the mention of your name, Stefan’s head turned slightly, though he didn’t fully face her. Damon’s grip on his glass tightened, his jaw clenching.

Elena stepped closer, her tone softening. “I can’t find her. She’s not answering my calls, and she hasn’t since I told her about Jeremy.” Her voice cracked, tears welling up in her eyes. “She was devastated, and now she’s just… gone. I don’t know where she is.”

Damon’s head shot up at that, his cocky demeanor replaced with worry. “What do you mean, gone?”

“I mean, she’s disappeared!” Elena cried, her desperation spilling over. “She walked out of here after you two didn’t stop her, and now I can’t find her! She’s not at her usual spots. She’s not with Bonnie or Caroline. and you know that’s not like her.”

Stefan finally turned to face her, his brows furrowed in concern. “You think something happened to her?”

“I don’t know!” Elena admitted, her voice breaking. “But I told her that Jeremy died, I thought maybe she’d call me back, maybe she’d yell at me for not telling her sooner. But nothing. It’s like she’s completely shut down.”

Damon stood up abruptly, his glass clinking against the table as he set it down. “She wouldn’t just disappear. Not without a reason.”

“And what if the reason is us?” Stefan said quietly, guilt evident in his tone.

Elena shook her head. “No, it’s not you. It’s Jeremy. She’s grieving, and she’s doing it alone because none of us were there for her. I should’ve been there. You two should’ve been there. But instead, we’ve been wrapped up in our own drama while she’s been falling apart!”

Damon cursed under his breath, grabbing his jacket. “Well, sitting here isn’t going to fix anything. Let’s split up and find her.”

Stefan nodded, already heading toward the door. “We’ll check the usual places again, and then we’ll expand the search.”

Elena followed them, her heart heavy. “Please, if you find her, just… tell her I’m sorry. Tell her we’re all sorry.”

Damon glanced back at her, his expression softening for a moment. “We’ll find her, Elena. And when we do, we’ll make this right. Somehow.”

With that, the three of them headed out, each of them silently praying they weren’t already too late.

Damon and Stefan had been searching tirelessly for you all night, and when they finally caught your scent leading to an abandoned mansion on the outskirts of town, they didn’t hesitate. The moonlight barely lit the crumbling structure, but they moved with purpose, their hearts heavy with the weight of guilt and determination.

They found you in the main hall, lounging in an old armchair with a glass of red wine or was it blood? in your hand. The flickering candlelight cast a mischievous glow on your face. Your mother, Katherine, was seated elegantly on the arm of your chair, her smirk a mirror of your own.

“Well, look who finally decided to show up,” you said, your tone dripping with mockery. “My knights in tarnished armor.”

Katherine chuckled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh, darling, don’t be too hard on them. They probably got lost chasing their tails.”

Damon rolled his eyes, stepping forward. “Really, Y/N? This is what you’ve been doing? Playing house with Mommy Dearest?”

You raised your glass in a mock toast. “Why not? She’s a lot more fun than you two. No lectures, no guilt trips, just pure, unfiltered freedom.”

Stefan’s jaw tightened, his eyes pleading as he spoke. “Y/N, this isn’t you. Turning off your humanity doesn’t make you free it traps you.”

“Oh, spare me the lecture, Saint Stefan,” you replied, standing up. “You and Damon think you know me so well, but guess what? I’m not your precious little Y/N anymore. I’m Katherine 2.0.”

Damon let out a dry laugh. “Katherine 2.0? Please, you’re barely a beta version. At least Katherine had an original act.”

Katherine gasped in mock offense. “Rude, Damon. And here I thought you liked my original act. You know, back when you were my little puppy.”

Damon shot her a glare. “Let’s not rehash ancient history, Katherine. We’re here for Y/N, not for your stroll down memory lane.”

You tilted your head, your smirk widening. “Oh, but Damon, you’re forgetting the most important part: I’m the one who decides where I go, not you.”

Stefan stepped closer, his voice softening. “Y/N, I know you’re hurting. I know turning off your humanity feels like the only way to escape the pain, but you don’t have to do this. We can help you.”

You rolled your eyes, stepping toward him until you were inches away. “Help me? Like you ‘helped’ me by hiding everything? Like you ‘helped’ me by not being there when Jeremy died? No thanks, Stefan. I’ve got all the help I need right here.” You gestured to Katherine, who gave an exaggerated wave.

Damon crossed his arms, his expression shifting from frustration to a sly grin. “You know, Stefan, I think she’s right. She really is just like Katherine.”

Katherine raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah,” Damon continued, his grin widening. “She’s got the whole drama queen act down, the condescending smirk, the superiority complex. it’s uncanny. It’s like you cloned yourself, Katherine. Bravo.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, but before you could retort, Stefan chimed in, playing along. “You’re right, Damon. But there’s one thing missing.”

“Oh?” Katherine said, crossing her arms. “And what’s that?”

Stefan smirked. “The charm. Y/N’s got her own charm. She’s not you, Katherine, and she never will be.”

Katherine scoffed, but you could see the flicker of annoyance in her eyes. You stepped between them, glaring at both brothers. “Nice try, boys. You think you can just waltz in here, throw some clever insults, and fix everything? Not happening.”

Damon’s grin softened into something more genuine. “We’re not trying to fix you, Y/N. We’re just trying to remind you of who you really are. The girl who would never turn her back on her friends. The girl who cared, no matter how hard it got.”

Stefan nodded, his voice steady. “We’re not giving up on you. No matter how long it takes, we’re staying right here.”

You hesitated, their words cutting through the walls you’d built around yourself. Katherine placed a hand on your shoulder, her grip firm. “Don’t let them get to you, sweetheart. You’re better off without them.”

But for the first time since turning off your humanity, doubt flickered in your eyes. You pushed it down, plastering on your smirk again. “Nice speech, boys. But I’m still not coming home.”

You turned on your heel, Katherine following you as Damon and Stefan exchanged a look. They weren’t giving up. not yet. They’d find a way to bring you back, even if it meant facing every wall you put up along the way.

The tension in the room was suffocating as the Salvatores and the Mikaelsons stood in a rare alliance, strategizing their next move. It was a surreal sight. two rival factions united with one goal: to bring you back. Damon leaned against the fireplace, his arms crossed, while Stefan sat in deep thought. Klaus, Kol, and Elijah loomed nearby, their expressions varying between irritation and determination.

“This is ridiculous,” Klaus finally said, breaking the silence. “If we want Y/N back, we need to cut off her anchor. Katherine. She’s the one feeding into this madness.”

Damon scoffed. “Trust me, Original, we’re not big fans of Katherine either. But Y/N’s loyalty to her is on a whole new level right now. She’s not going to just let us walk in and take Mommy Dearest.”

Kol smirked, clearly relishing the chaos. “Then we don’t walk in. We take her by force. Y/N’s dangerous, but she’s not invincible. If we get Katherine, we can use her to snap Y/N out of this delusion.”

Elijah’s voice was calm but firm. “We’ll do it carefully. No unnecessary harm to Y/N. She’s still under the influence of her mother’s manipulations. If we can remove Katherine from the equation, Y/N might begin to see clearly.”

Stefan nodded. “Agreed. Let’s move before they relocate again.”

The plan was set, and the group tracked Katherine and you to a secluded estate. Night had fallen, casting an eerie glow over the place. The Salvatores and Mikaelsons moved stealthily through the shadows, their combined power a formidable force.

Inside, you and Katherine were enjoying what seemed to be an evening of indulgence. Katherine was reclining on a luxurious sofa, sipping wine, while you stood by the window, gazing out at the moonlit landscape.

“It’s quiet tonight,” Katherine mused, swirling her glass. “Too quiet.”

Before you could respond, the doors burst open, and in stormed the Salvatores and Mikaelsons, their presence commanding the room. Katherine didn’t even flinch, a sly smile curling on her lips.

“Well, well,” she drawled. “The cavalry has arrived. Took you long enough.”

You turned, your gaze icy as you assessed the group. “What is this? Some kind of intervention?”

Stefan stepped forward, his voice gentle but resolute. “Y/N, this has to stop. We’re here to help you.”

Damon, as always, added his signature sarcasm. “Or at least stop you from turning the world into your personal vampire playground.”

Katherine laughed, clearly unimpressed. “Oh, please. Do you really think you can just waltz in here and take me? You’re outnumbered, and I dare say outmatched.”

That was when Klaus made his move. In a flash, he had Katherine pinned against the wall, his hand gripping her throat. “You’ve meddled enough, Katherine. Time to see how long you last without your daughter to hide behind.”

“Let her go!” your voice rang out, sharp and commanding.

Everyone turned to see you standing there, a stake in each hand, your expression deadly. The room fell silent as your words cut through the air. “Let my mother go, or I’ll give you something to scream in pain for.”

Klaus raised an eyebrow, amused despite the situation. “Is that a threat, love?”

You took a step forward, your voice dangerously calm. “No, it’s a promise.”

Elijah, ever the diplomat, raised a hand. “Y/N, this isn’t the way. We only wish to help you—”

“Help me?” you interrupted, laughing darkly. “The only thing any of you want is to control me. Newsflash: I don’t need saving, and I certainly don’t need any of you.”

Katherine smirked from her precarious position. “That’s my girl.”

Kol stepped forward, his playful demeanor gone. “Y/N, if you want to pick a fight, you’re outnumbered.”

You tilted your head, your smirk matching Katherine’s. “Outnumbered doesn’t mean outmatched. You want to see just how far I’ve fallen? Try me.”

The room bristled with tension, the factions standing on a knife’s edge. Stefan’s voice broke the silence, his tone filled with quiet desperation. “Y/N, please. We love you. Don’t let Katherine destroy the person you are.”

For a moment, something flickered in your eyes. hesitation, doubt. But you quickly pushed it aside, your smirk returning. “The person I was is gone. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

With that, you took another step forward, daring anyone to challenge you. Damon and Stefan exchanged a glance, the heartbreak evident in their eyes. Elijah’s jaw tightened, while Klaus and Kol prepared for whatever came next.

But before anyone could act, Katherine spoke up, her voice cutting through the tension. “Enough. If you want me, come and get me. But be warned. Y/N won’t let you take me without a fight.”

The standoff continued, the room a powder keg ready to explode. It was clear that no one was leaving unscathed, and the battle for your soul had only just begun.

The sun hung high in the sky as you and Katherine strolled through the quiet streets of the small town. The two of you were practically mirror images, from your perfectly styled hair to the way you carried yourselves with effortless grace. Katherine had insisted on a girls’ day out, and while you were still reveling in your humanity-free lifestyle, you went along for the fun.

“Let’s grab a drink,” Katherine said with her signature smirk, gesturing to a cozy little bar tucked into the corner of the street.

You shrugged, your voice light but laced with mischief. “Why not? Let’s see if these humans can keep up with us.”

The two of you walked inside, your heels clicking against the wooden floor. The atmosphere was warm, the smell of whiskey and chatter filling the air. Katherine leaned against the bar, ordering two drinks with a wink to the bartender, who was clearly smitten.

But just as she handed you your glass, the door slammed open with a gust of wind. In the blink of an eye, you were yanked backward with an incredible force, slamming against the hard chest of Klaus Mikaelson. His iron grip held you in place, and his piercing blue eyes bored into yours with a mix of anger and desperation.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Klaus growled, his voice low and dangerous.

Behind him, Elijah and Kol stepped forward, their expressions a mix of tension and curiosity. A few paces behind them were Damon and Stefan, their eyes filled with heartbreak and frustration.

You smirked, the same dangerous glint in your eyes that Katherine often wore. “Oh, handsome,” you purred, tilting your head. “I’m not Y/N. I’m Katherine.”

Katherine chose that moment to step out from the shadows, her arms crossed and her smirk wide. “No, no, no, sweetheart,” she drawled. “I’m Katherine. You’re Y/N.”

Your smirk deepened as you adjusted your posture to mimic hers exactly. “No, darling, I’m you.”

Katherine raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying the game. “Nice try, but everyone knows I’m the original queen of deception.” She took a step closer to Klaus, her smirk a carbon copy of yours. “Care to test me?”

The room fell silent, the two of you standing side by side in identical outfits, hair styled the same way, even wearing matching lipstick. both the Salvatores and the Mikaelsons looked between the two of you, utterly baffled.

Kol let out an exasperated sigh. “Oh, this is bloody fantastic. It’s like a vampire version of ‘Who’s Who.’”

Damon’s jaw tightened as he glared at both of you. “Enough games. Y/N, if you’re in there, cut the crap.”

You chuckled darkly, stepping closer to him with a mocking smile. “Oh, Damon, always so serious. That’s why I prefer Klaus.”

Klaus’s grip on your arm tightened slightly, and he gave you a warning look. “Don’t test my patience, love.”

Meanwhile, Katherine took a step closer to Elijah, placing a hand on his chest. “Elijah, surely you can tell the difference between me and my daughter.”

Elijah’s jaw tightened as he looked between you and Katherine, his normally composed demeanor faltering for the briefest moment. “Both of you stop this nonsense. Y/N, if you’re in there, you need to remember who you are.”

Katherine rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. “Oh, come on, Elijah. You’re supposed to be the smart one.”

Stefan, ever the voice of reason, stepped forward cautiously. “Y/N, if you’re really there, think about Jeremy. Think about Elena. They need you.”

You froze for the briefest moment, but then your smirk returned, sharp as a knife. “Jeremy’s gone. Elena will survive without me. I’m finally free, Stefan. No more guilt, no more pain.”

Katherine let out a triumphant laugh, throwing her arm around your shoulder. “See? She’s finally starting to see things my way. You should all be proud of her.”

The boys exchanged glances, their frustration mounting. Kol broke the tension with a sarcastic clap. “Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. We’ve officially lost the plot.”

Klaus, however, wasn’t ready to give up. He leaned in closer to you, his voice a low whisper meant only for you to hear. “If there’s even a shred of you left in there, fight this. You’re not Katherine, no matter how much you want to be.”

For a split second, your eyes softened, a flicker of something genuine breaking through the icy exterior. But it was gone as quickly as it came. You pulled away from him, your laughter filling the room.

“Nice try, Klaus,” you said, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “But I’ve made my choice. And it’s not you, not Damon, not Stefan. It’s me. Just me.”

Katherine grinned, clearly proud of you. “That’s my girl.”

As you and Katherine walked out of the bar, leaving the stunned and helpless group behind, a chilling silence settled over the room. The war for your soul wasn’t over, but it was clear bringing you back would be harder than anyone imagined.

The Salvatores sat in the dimly lit living room of the boarding house, the weight of the recent events pressing down on them like an unrelenting storm. Damon leaned against the mantle, a tumbler of bourbon in hand, while Stefan sat slouched on the couch, his head in his hands. Both brothers wore the exhaustion of the past few days on their faces, their expressions tight with a mixture of pain and frustration.

Elena burst through the door, her face pale with worry. “Where is she? Did you find her?” she demanded, her voice shaking. “Tell me you found Y/N and she’s okay.”

Stefan looked up at her, his expression hollow. “We found her,” he said softly. “But she’s far from okay, Elena.”

Elena froze, her heart sinking. “What do you mean? What happened?”

Damon downed the rest of his bourbon in one quick gulp before slamming the glass down on the mantle. His voice was sharp, almost bitter. “Your sister has officially gone full Katherine 2.0. She’s turned off her humanity, Elena.”

Elena staggered back as though she had been physically struck. “What? No… no, she wouldn’t do that. She…she wouldn’t.”

Stefan shook his head, his voice breaking. “She did. And she’s not herself anymore. She’s cold, unfeeling. She doesn’t care about anything or anyone. We tried to get through to her, but it’s like she’s a completely different person.”

Elena’s legs gave out, and she sank into the armchair, her hands trembling. “Why didn’t you stop her? Why didn’t you stop her before it got this far?”

Damon let out a hollow laugh, pacing the room like a caged animal. “Do you think we didn’t try? She’s not just a regular vampire, Elena. She’s a hybrid, with magic she doesn’t even fully understand yet. She’s stronger than both of us combined. And on top of that, she’s got Katherine whispering in her ear, encouraging her every move.”

Elena’s eyes filled with tears. “This is my fault,” she whispered. “I told her about Jeremy. I…I thought she deserved to know, but I had no idea she would spiral like this. If I hadn’t told her—”

“Don’t do that,” Stefan interrupted gently but firmly. “Don’t blame yourself. Y/N’s pain was inevitable. We all loved Jeremy, but she… she loved him in a way that shattered her. She lost him, and she felt like she had nothing left to hold onto. Katherine just swooped in at the right moment to take advantage.”

Damon turned to face Elena, his usually confident demeanor replaced by raw vulnerability. “She hates us, Elena. She blames us for not letting her die when she was turned, for not giving her a choice. And now she’s punishing us for it. She’s not Y/N anymore. She’s… something else.”

Elena buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. “She’s my sister,” she choked out. “I can’t lose her. Not after losing Jeremy. I can’t lose her too.”

Stefan crossed the room and knelt in front of her, his hands resting on her knees. “We’re not giving up on her, Elena. She’s still in there somewhere. We just have to find a way to bring her back. But it’s going to be hard. She’s not making it easy.”

Damon scoffed, though the pain in his eyes betrayed his attempt at indifference. “Hard is an understatement. She’s playing games with everyone. us, the Mikaelsons, even herself. She’s spiraling, Elena, and if we don’t stop her, she’s going to cross a line she can’t come back from.”

Elena wiped her tears, her jaw tightening with determination. “Then we stop her. Whatever it takes. I don’t care how long it takes or how hard it is. we get her back. We save her.”

Damon and Stefan exchanged a glance, a silent agreement passing between them. They had already made that vow to themselves, but hearing it from Elena solidified their resolve.

“Whatever it takes,” Stefan echoed softly.

Damon sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Then let’s hope we’re not too late, because if Y/N keeps going down this road… we might not recognize her when we find her.”

The night was heavy with tension as you and Katherine, both dressed to perfection and armed with devious smirks, stepped out of the car. The Mikaelson mansion loomed ahead, its grandeur accentuated by the moonlight.

Katherine turned to you, adjusting a strand of your hair like a doting mother. “Remember, darling,” she said with mock sweetness, “it’s all about confidence. Channel me. After all, you’re me tonight.”

You rolled your eyes but smirked. “And you’re me. Just try not to ruin my reputation more than you already have, Mother.”

Katherine laughed, a sound that sent chills down spines. “Oh, sweetheart, ruining reputations is what I do best.”

With synchronized steps, you entered the Mikaelson mansion. The brothers were scattered in the grand living room. Klaus lounged in an armchair, his glass of bourbon untouched, while Kol leaned against the fireplace, tossing a coin in the air. Elijah, ever the composed one, stood by the window, lost in thought.

“Ah, Katherine,” Klaus drawled, his piercing gaze locking onto you. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

You cocked your head, channeling your inner Katherine. “Oh, don’t look so sour, Klaus. Can’t a girl visit her favorite originals without it being a crime?”

Kol snorted. “Funny. Your ‘visits’ usually come with strings attached.”

Elijah turned, his sharp eyes narrowing as they scanned you. Something in his gaze lingered, a flicker of doubt. “You seem… different,” he noted, stepping closer.

You kept your smirk intact, despite your heart pounding. “Different? Maybe I’ve just missed you, Elijah.”

As he studied you, Katherine, disguised as you, sauntered in, mimicking your softer demeanor. “Elijah, Klaus, Kol,” she greeted, her tone almost shy. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Kol’s coin dropped. Klaus sat up straighter, his suspicion palpable. “And who, exactly, are you supposed to be?” he asked sharply.

Katherine-as-you widened her eyes, feigning innocence. “What do you mean? It’s me, Y/N.”

Klaus’s gaze darted between you and Katherine. His jaw tightened as realization dawned. “A game,” he hissed, rising to his feet. “You’re playing games.”

Kol, ever the mischief-maker, looked amused. “Well, this just got interesting.”

Elijah stepped forward, his composure fraying. “Enough,” he said coldly, his eyes locking onto yours. “Who are you?”

You let out a slow laugh, dropping the act. “Oh, Elijah, you always were the perceptive one. It’s me. Katherine. Did you really think Y/N could pull off my charm?”

Katherine dropped her mask as well, her smirk widening. “And did you honestly think I’d let my daughter have all the fun? I just had to see your faces when you couldn’t tell us apart.”

Klaus growled low in his throat, his temper flaring. “Get out, both of you. Now.”

But Katherine only laughed, grabbing your arm. “Come along, darling. Let’s leave the boys to their sulking.”

As you turned to leave, you couldn’t resist looking back at Elijah. His gaze burned with a mixture of anger and… something softer. You held it for a moment longer than necessary, then smirked, walking out with Katherine.

Hours later, you and Katherine pulled the same stunt at the Salvatore boarding house. The brothers were sitting in the living room when you entered, Katherine striding in first, playing your part.

“Stefan, Damon,” she greeted warmly, her tone sweet. “I just wanted to check in.”

Damon raised an eyebrow, suspicious but intrigued. “You’re being awfully polite, Y/N. What’s the catch?”

You followed a moment later, wearing Katherine’s signature smirk. “The catch, Damon,” you purred, “is that you have no idea who you’re dealing with.”

Stefan stood abruptly, his eyes narrowing. “Katherine.”

Damon groaned, running a hand down his face. “Of course. Should’ve known.”

Katherine laughed, dropping her facade. “Oh, come on, boys. Don’t act so surprised. You know me. always up for a little fun.”

Stefan’s gaze shifted to you. “And you’re…?”

You tilted your head, biting back a laugh. “Y/N. Or am I? You tell me.”

Damon rolled his eyes. “Great. Double trouble. Just what we needed.”

The brothers exchanged a look, their frustration evident. But before they could act, Katherine grabbed your hand. “We’ve had our fun, darling. Let’s leave these poor men to their misery.”

As you walked out, you caught Damon muttering to Stefan, “She had it to be Katherine’s daughter.”

You and Katherine burst out laughing as you disappeared into the night, leaving chaos and confusion in your wake.

[sugar-grigri]

An overlay of games

Two injured arms? What are you trying to tell us, Fujimoto ?

The interesting thing about the first part of the chapter is this page in which Denji hesitantly answers. It's another way of accentuating his existential crisis, even when he's called an impostor, Denji can't defend his position firmly and confidently.

It's normal, he's still bound by the dilemma of the public hunters who have forbidden him to reveal and be Chainsaw Man himself, and above all he's competing with the impostor for his own identity.

Denji isn't THAT scandalized by being pointed out as a wannabe CSM because he is one now, he's been so robbed of his identity that he's almost willing to become himself.

This chapter also hints at the fact that the public hunters don't agree on everything, probably because of a hierarchy or unity game. For example, some hunters only thought that the church was having fun playing CSM, not knowing that it was fighting against the prophecy of Nostradamus.

However, this information was gathered by Yoshida through his interview with Fami, but it remained highly confidential. Here again, this public hunter doesn't know that Denji is CSM. In short, information isn't leaking out of the Special Division 7.

Yoshida is the mediator between the public hunters and Denji, but also with the church with Fami. Katana, Quanxi and the possessed man with the dripping brain are the henchmen. Fumiko is the one in charge of preventing any temptation on Denji's part to get closer to the church.

But there's something else that I find even more interesting that follows this point. If we try to untangle everyone's role. We end up with Yoshida; Quanxi; Katana; the possessed one with the overflowing brain; Fumiko; Denji and on the other, on the church side, we have Fami, Barem, Miri, the weapon of the whip, the bow and finally Asa. That's six against six.

Asa's room is 606. And as I've explained several times, Fujimoto tends to play with numbers in this part 2. So I'm going to try and give you an explanation.

When I saw that not only Quanxi had her arm bruised but Yoshida had sliced Asa's arm, the first thing I thought was "a tie". On one side we have Quanxi losing her arm to protect while on the other we have Yoshida attacking with a slice. The fact remains that an arm has been lost on each side, so there's a certain balance.

Let me remind you that there are six against six in this game, and nobody has won any points yet, which makes 0. 6 0 6, ball in the middle.

I sincerely believe that what Fujimoto is setting up is a form of game, a war in which we're going to have to keep score. Barem is called Barem BRIDGE, a card game of 2. against 2. This time it's not just a game about the clan war but the whole manga: Fami and Barem on one side, the demon of Death and maybe Fake! CSM on the other

Did you know that one of the players called himself the dead man? ;))))))

I think the human usurper and fake!CSM are two different entities because the demon has twice interfered with Fami's plan by eliminating the fire demon (Yuko) and saving Denji and Asa.

But it doesn't stop there, so let me come back to a few bridge rules (I don't know how to play, so if I'm wrong, please correct me). The game opens with the "contract", i.e. declarer commits to making a given number of tricks. Just like the beginning of the game in CSM started with Barem announcing his contract with the fire demon.

A game of bridge is played in several moves, each move corresponding to a deal. Each player holds 13 cards, which they have arranged in a row to form what is known as their "deck" or "hand". Again, this is not to say that game 2 works exactly like bridge (and its horribly complex rules) but rather to emphasise the symbolism.

Every time one of the sides moves, an injury occurs, a limb is neutralised or even pulverised.

I wanted to end this analysis with the "strong" part of the chapter, Yoru's return in force. I was stuck on the symbolism of the arm, its symbolism in art and its relationship to war. So much so that I forgot to read the line: Yoru is a team player, she speaks as "we".

And then everything fell into place. There's a contrast between Yoru's exaltation and the fact that she's still missing a member. But everything makes sense with this fusion introduced by the "we".

Yoru is missing nothing, not even an arm, and Asa has become the perfect continuity of her being and her limbs.

Asa may have transformed her flat, her home, but she hasn't lost her bearings, because each of these girls has become the home of the other.

While Denji denies the duality of his being, Asa is embracing it.

While Yoru, even without her arm, feels her strength reaching its peak thanks to her completeness with Asa.

Now, don't you think that making room 606 a weapon whose number symbolizes the status quo is just the beginning of hostilities?

To be obsessed with victory, even if it means leaving your mark, isn't that the definition of waging war?

Or is it just playing a card game ?

[acourtofthought]

do you think elain's avoidance of the bond is like her rebelling to fate, like the bond is something imposed to her?

I think her avoidance of the bond is many things.

I think it's that the bond called into question her loyalty to Greysen.

I think it's that the bond forces her to feel things that are completely against the way she was raised.

I think it's that the bond forces her to really look at herself and who she is as your mate is your equal.

I think it is her rebelling against a fate that decided for her.

Imagine you fall in love. You meet your fairytale prince and you're convinced you've found your happily ever after. He's your first love and nobody will ever compare so you plan your future with him. Then in the blink of an you feel drawn to a complete stranger who is nothing like you were raised to be want but you're consumed by the desire to have him and now you're disloyal. Now you second guess everything you once felt. So you shove the draw to the stranger deep down because you're scared to look at it too closely, scared to look at him too closely. You basically shove your head in the sand like an ostrich so you can go back to the "before". When things made sense.

I think the bond has created an identity crisis for Elain. Who she was and what she thought she wanted versus the mirror Fate / the Mother held up to her and told her to take a good long look. "You think you know what you want and who you are? Well I know child and I see you. You are him and he is you."

What 24 year old girl is going to immediately say, "oh you're so right! I'll listen to you!". A 24 year old is going to say, "I don't need to listen to you! Who are you to tell me these things!" It's no different than what happens with our own children, when they are convinced you don't know and you don't understand and it's not until they fully mature and maybe have their own children that they say, "damn, my mom was right." Or "I hate that my parents knew what they were talking about." Elain has spent her entire life being taught to behave a certain way, deciding for herself that a life with Graysen is what was going to make her happy, the relationship she's supposed to want and then here comes somebody she doesn't know and he draws out big things, scary things that she's not ready for. There is comfort in what is familiar and a long haired, BIG and strong, one-eyed fae male with a wicked scar down his face is NOT what she's familiar with. He looks like the morally gray anti-hero in a motorcycle gang while Elain comes off as the sweet church loving girl. Neither of those characterizations are the truth because Elain and Lucien are so extremely similar in personality despite appearances but that's exactly what one would see at first glance. Elain, as a lady, was not taught to want someone like Lucien. Elain was taught to act with propriety yet the bond makes these characters feel NSFW towards their mate which we know because Rhys had to winnow away so he didn't grab Feyre and Lucien had to physically restrain himself in his chair so he didn't reach out for Elain. We know the bond does these things to the characters and that means Elain is not sitting there completely unaffected.

I think the bond scares Elain. I think it overwhelms her when she's not used to feeling out of control. I think she's scared to give in to it as it means she's well and truly fae (something Nesta also struggled with). I think her giving in to the bond is her letting go of the expectations placed upon her when, as confirmed by Rhys, she's most likely been worried about disappointing those around her because they expect her to act a certain way. I think she's scared of who she will become when she finally breaks free of her humanity, shedding that cloak of civility.

"Elain has no interest in Lucien!" No, I think Elain is way too interested in Lucien and that's the problem because Lucien changes everything for her and many people struggle with letting go. Elain often adapts to new places but she's always been the same Elain. Proper, polite, kind, sweet. My guess is when we have her POV her thoughts about Lucien are anything but proper and polite and I think she's avoiding the bond because she's not ready to let go of the "who" she was always expected to be because of how others will then respond to her. Ever since she was a young child she was labeled by her mother and her sisters naturally fell into thinking those same things. Breaking free of that takes maturity and growth and I imagine that's what we'll see in her own book.

[sewliia]

Magnus Archives Episode 154 / 200 Analysis

(If this was mentioned by anyone before, I am sorry. I found one tumblr post showing the similarity in John's “Together - one way or another” but nothing more. So if you guys know more sources on this topic please share them with me. I would love to talk about this more.)

(also this is maybe a bit messy but I hope you guys see my vision)

I believe the Ending of the Magnus Archive was already decided in the episode “154 - Bloody Mary” or at least episode 200 is a parallel / continuation of the post statement scene.

I will show 154 in order while adding the matching parts from 200 (the parts from 200 are coloured differently to easily recognize them).

In 154 John learns that they can leave the Institut if they damage their eyes permanently.

After gaining this information he goes to Martin. He is the first to know.

(This one is not hard evidence - just something small I noticed)

(200) Martin is also the first to know what John did (also the only one).

(154) John then proposes to Martin that he wants to leave with him, because he trusts Martin and doesn't want to do it alone. He doesn't even consider the others here. He just wants to be with Martin.

This also plays into Jon's identity crisis in Season 4. Martin was there for him all the time and Jon values Martin's opinion more than the others, cause he loves him, cause he hopes Martin wants the same, cause he wants someone who gives him permission, to tell him what is right.

(200) Here we have it the other way around now. Martin trusted John not to kill Jonah on his own and John finally had the courage to do something on his own.

(154) Martins response is:

He doesn't want to choose for John, since he knows how insecure John is.

(200) John made it Martin's decision. He can’t kill himself at this point and already made his choice.

(154) This scenario is almost the same, just that the roles are partly swapped. In both cases they aren't sure if John will survive this, that it is a risk and a wish to escape.

Ending with the famous “one way or another” spoken again by John.

(154) After John proposes his idea to Martin he gets unsure, saying his idea was stupid. Martin says he has to see things through with Peter, which triggers John to try again.

(200) There is no exact line that fits this, but John derails everything by killing Jonah on his own.

(154) This one is interesting.

Martins says John would never blind himself. John indeed doesn’t want that. He wants to live, he wants to see and he likes his powers.

Blinding himself would be the easy way out.

In this season John fights a lot about his wants and his identity, so it makes sense that he asks the others for guidance and opinions. He is not sure what he really wants and even if it is okay to just take it. I am sure that John at this point loves Martin deeply and wants his input on the situation. He wants to hear “of course I come with you John”, but Martin denies that from him.

(200) At this point not even John's love for Martin holds him back and he does what he wants to do, going from “could” to “did”.

Martin is also in disbelief here, mirroring his and John’s words in 154.

you do - you didn’t

I could - you can’t

“I did. I am “

John is confident in this scene. He IS what he decided to be. He is whole.

(154) More evidence that even Martin doesn't believe John.

Again a parallel:

I can't follow you

Martin pushing Jon away ( to save him)

(200) Where you go I go.

John pushing martin away (to save him)

(and then changing his mind, accepting the proposal of escape)

In short:

(154)

John proposes to leave together.

Martin says John would and can not do that.

He won't make the decision for John.

Martin pushes John away.

John says he waits.

(200)

John does something that Martin dared him to do.

John tries to push Martin away.

Martin proposes to leave together.

Martin has to make the decision for John.

They stay together.

Maybe I went a bit crazy here but these scenes have so much in common.

[lilycolbertsstuff]

Ok let’s talk all things Bridgerton.

First things first, we’ve all binged it the day that it came out, right?

Second, Nicola Coughlan the woman that you are.

Now let’s move on to the serious stuff.

I have to say that so far I’m liking this season but there are some things that I really don’t understand, namely all the subplots. Some of them should’ve either been cut or they should’ve had less screen time. I understand for example the introduction of Francesca and John because of how their story plays out in the future but what about the Mondriches? Don’t get me wrong I like their characters and their chemistry but I really don’t get why they’re such a prominent part of this season, hopefully their presence will be justified in part 2 for it would be heartbreaking to see unnecessary hate towards them.

Another aspect I liked is Eloise and Cressida’s friendship. In the beginning I didn’t think it would be something genuine but turns out that El does actually come to care for Cressida, who is finally not just relegated to being the mean girl.

Kate and Anthony are a dream to watch on screen, their chemistry is out of this world and they most definitely deserve the long ass honeymoon for god knows how hard these two have worked for their families.

I found Francesca to be such an interesting character and her and John were cute but the side couple that I’m really curious about is Violet and lady Danbury’s brother.

The Featheringtons were a highlight of this season to me. They had no business being this funny. Every time a scene with them came on I was prepared to laugh.

Queen Charlotte and lady Danbury are such icons you can’t help but love them.

Last but not least, Benedict. My boy what have they done to you? It’s so painfully obvious that they didn’t know what to do with his character because give me a valid reason why his storyline this time around is him going to bed with a widow; I would’ve much rather liked to see him in those artists’ parties or whatever like he did in season one and maybe explore more of that aspect of his personality in preparation for his own season, which hopefully will be next.

Time to talk about the leads:

I wish we could’ve seen more of Colin’s identity crisis but I feel like whenever the script was lacking Luke did a great job compensating with his body language and facial expressions. Also can we all agree that he’s just so whipped for Pen after their first kiss?

As a fellow wallflower I really related to the scenes where Penelope felt frustrated with the ton and all the socialising. I can confirm that even when we get all dolled up and feel confident in our own skin for once it’s still so hard to put ourselves out there. We feel called by the wall and somehow we find it more fascinating to observe all the different dynamics going on around us rather than actively taking part in them, even if sometimes we want to.

The scenes where Pen threw herself on her bed and sighed? Yep, I felt that.

I honestly didn’t mind that Colin and Pen got together by the end of the first part of the season for we’ve been watching the build up to their relationship for three seasons now. These two have been friends for ages so it’s not like they had to go through all that getting to know each other phase. Furthermore, I’m pretty sure that part 2 will focus on the unfolding of the lady whistledown storyline and having Colin and Pen be together makes more sense because now he loves and wants to marry her leading to an even more crushing reveal.

The carriage scene?! I died and resurrected in the span of like 3 minutes, and that’s just their first intimate scene I don’t know what will happen to me with the ones to come.

These were my overall thoughts on Bridgerton season 3. I can’t wait till part 2 comes out but also I will be deep in exam season so it’ll be a wild ride, let’s hope everything turns out for the best.🐝🩵

[nightsdreamgates]

I need to know what will NiGHTS, reala and jackle what will sceared off?

There are many factors that would make them scared, is obvious to think that it would be mainly of Wizeman, the one who created them, althought, there are other types of fears we can explore further — funny enough, even if they are nightmarens, with a purpose to bring fear to visitors, all of them can also have fears.

— A Nightmaren's Fear: NiGHTS, Reala and Jackle

— NiGHTS

Having his freedom taken and return to the old norm, which is being under Wizeman's eyes again;

But besides that, there are much more to it. Often times, NiGHTS has these strange, shivering paranoia sensations, of being watched;

Being watched of something he cannot see, as Wizeman's last words before his run away haunts him till' this day: "Foolish child, your essence belongs to me, your eyes belongs to me, everything I've made of you is based of myself; Even at your strongest points, I'll always be watching upon you. I'll always will find you."

When there isn't a ideya or courage to sustain his exposed core, his mind is flooded by the reminds of his old master;

Also, NiGHTS as a phobia for tiny spaces, which is why he tries to cope by dancing inside of the Ideya Palace and desperately tries to get the visitor's attention;

The thought of also losing his whole identity and being controlled once again by Wizeman, is what gets him by the lowest. Losing his own control as Wizeman would take over him, is a vivid nightmare for even a folk that is created from one.

— Reala

Dissapointment. The idea of being what she can never reach to be, equal as her sibling's golden achievements, Reala struggles with a sense of unsatisfaction of self-fulfillment in terms of bringing pride to Wizeman;

She blames deeply NiGHTS for the curse he had pulled towards her, and all the weight she has to now endure being not only a general, but the future ruler of Nightmera, once she manages to proof fully, by capturing NiGHTS and absorb his essence to become fully one greatest being;

Althought even if driven by the rage, a similar fear that Reala shares with NiGHTS, is the fear of losing her own identity. The originality of her own being;

She fears Wizeman as a consenquences of her loyalty and recognition of Wizeman's ancient wisdom — One of the punishments that Wizeman does whenever Reala would show similar "signs" as NiGHTS did of his "early rebellious arc", Wizeman would harshly punish Reala by isolating her inside of a dark room;

This caused for Reala develop a phobia for dark areas, unironically enough. Even if she tries to show indiferrence, it's clear that the memories, rising anxiety, gives up the inner conflict and scars Reala got from these punishments;

Besides that she also worries of not being good enough, not only for Wizeman, but also for her subjects.

— Jackle

Now Jackle, as crazy and insane he shows to be at times, he uses this clown facade to cope and hide the inner conscience of his failed attempt of being a first level, lowering to only as a second all because of a defective detail from lack of his well... Everything apparently and metaphorically;

Jackle as a identity crisis at times, changing demeanor whenever he feels like a different style. Similar to a teenage girl changing her hair colour at every new sensational trend;

But what he is doing, is attempting to fill his never ending hole, to feel like he is also important and powerful by his own ways;

The cards is one of his coping mechanism, as a nightmaren with a unique ability to read the future, past and even the present;

Jackle has a irrational phobia of being left behind, forgotten or alone;

He knows that for Wizeman he isn't as important as Reala and NiGHTS. And Jackle keeps living on that thought, not caring much but at same time caring, is confusing, but it is what it is.

Woah I've been receiving a lot of quick asks recently, but I like that! This way I can keep feeding the fandom with new headcanons, oneshots and more writting content of NiGHTS besides the fanarts I make. Thank you anon for another ask and hope you like it!

[fixinit-au]

THE FIXINIT AU

"A different form, A different time"

After Bill Cipher invoked the Axolotl's name, the deity sends him to Theraprism, to go under indefinite karmic rehabilitation.

After hundreds of years of therapy, Bill has lost count. After useless attempts to break free, to resist professional help, to make himself believe that he will be free... Eventually, he gave up. Went along with whatever they wanted. Let them believe that this is actually worth something... He let Theraprism strip him of his own self, let himself become a shell of everything he once was; What's the point, if he will never be the same anyway, he will never be FREE?

This was it, until the Axolotl has made their decision, regarding Bill's case. He was always a special case, after all... And so he got a special chance. To be with a special someone.

Bill Cipher, now transported back to our dimension, wakes up in a human body, in the 1980's... And with a mission, which the Axolotl said to be his final trial;

"Fix his mistakes, before he even made them."

FIXINIT1:

A human Bill Cipher, back in the 80's.

Bill is given a human body, the body of a creature who he always thought to be lowly and pathetic.

But other than that, he is given a mission, or rather, a "list" of the final things Bill has to get done, that would finally put an end to his karmic rehabilitation at Theraprism.

What does that list contain? Only one person knows; And that is Axel; or, rather, the Axolotl themselves, disguised in a human body, to watch and monitor Bill's progress. To finally let him go, and give him a chance at the life he didn't know he want, there are things that need to be done. Just to name a few; "comfort someone", "open up to someone you trust", but most importantly... "Tell Ford the truth".

(That's right, this is just another Billford AU. Sorry if you thought otherwise.)

Ford Pines, as he canonically did in this time period, lives in Gravity Falls, doing research, building the interdimensional portal... Still believing Bill to be his brilliant, all-knowing Muse. So when he finds his so-called Muse, in a human form, all alone in the forest... You could say he's confused, but more importantly, he is overjoyed to welcome his Muse to his own dimension, regardless of why. So he takes him in, much to his own delight... But also to his assistant's dismay.

#FIXINIT1 focuses on the question; Will Bill be able to change the past, or is he doomed to make the same mistakes? Crippling with depression, identity crisis, and a feeling of hollowness after all the centuries spent at Theraprism, sprinkled with the pressure of eventually having to tell the truth, therefore being frustrate to no end with Ford still worshipping him with blind trust and calling him Muse, Bill is forced to confront himself, in order to finally get his second chance at like, and his second chance at getting Ford.

RELATIONSHIPS; There may or may not be a romance sideplot with Fiddleford and eventually Stan.

Setting: Heavy with angst, occasional fluff and overall Mystery Quartet whimsiness.

Main themes: Forgiveness, second chances, identity crisis, survivor's guilt, PTSD, trust issues, body dysphoria, vulnerability.

FIXINIT2:

Gravity Falls; But Bill is not the villain.

Let's jump 30 years ahead, shall we?

Going with the route that Bill reveals the truth about his true self and his lies, and Ford, taking his time to consider it carefully, but ultimately forgives him. And they kiss. And they do more, but let's not get into that.

What does it change, regarding the canon timeline? The portal-test and portal-incident never happen; Ford and Bill managed to find another way to uncover Gravity Falls' weirdness. What's the Mystery Shack in the canon timeline, is now their own, small research center. Given how the portal-test never happens; Fiddleford doesn't go insane. His memory may be a bit messy because of previous uses of the memory gun, but he's in a much better shape, helping Bill and Ford with building their equipment, and also creating and selling his own inventions. Given how the portal-incident never happens either; Stan (having reconciled with Ford in a different way, more on that in FIXINIT1), is in a relationship with Fiddleford, and also runs a smaller, but also (kinda) more real gift shop.

#FIXINIT2; In this fixed timeline, Bill is also like an uncle (Grunkle? Not sure what Bill would count tbh) to Dipper and Mabel, a very fun one at that. A partner-in-crime, if you will; Someone who escorts them on their adventures, provides them with all the information they need, and fiercely protecting them if needed.

But, you might ask... If the canon Bill is now reformed, what's the point? What makes this interesting? Who is the "big threat", if not Bill Cipher?

(First of all, how dare you– I love tooth-rotting fluff and happiness, okay?)

Someone eerily similar to what Bill once was. Someone who might remind him of his journey, and how much of a thin line is keeping him from turning back. Someone who can provide a cruel, twisted mirror, forcing Bill to once again reflect on everything that now would be just brushed off as an inside joke.

That's right. Pyramid Steve. And his goal of bringing the Oddpocalypse.

Setting: At first, lots of fluff, whimsiness and happiness. Just fun! And the second half... Kinda like the canon finale, yknow.

Main themes: Second chances, identity crisis, found family, bits of psychological horror??? Thank that to Steve. (Might add more later, this is the more wip of the two)

————————————————————————

There are hundreds of Bill AUs flying around since the release of TBOB, so I might as well make my own, yknow?

As the name and the unusual amount of happiness (?) suggests, this started out as a redemption/fix-it AU. Why? Because I'm a goddamn pussy and I need my favorite characters to be happy, even if it doesn't make any sense canon-wise.

OR HAVING FUN, I GUESS

So yeah. Into the Cipherverse

————————————————————————

GALLERY

1. human Bill; canon design

2. Overall Bill without clothes (for science)

3. FIXINIT1 Bill; The Twink

4. FIXINIT2 Bill; The Uncle

5. Axel; Axolotl's human form

6. human Bill; secondary reference

7. FORD: Main Reference

8. BILL: Main Reference

9. BILL: Details

10. Pyramid Steve

[goodolddumbbanana]

I just realised something...

If not because of Ruin, Sun would have died due to how isolated he was (unintentionally) and with the enormous number of Creators around being threatening.

But... Then why would Dark Sun keep implying Sun would die if Ruin's plan succeeded to Moon while in fact, it is the opposite? And how he sounded so nonchalant about it when in the latest episode, he revealed our Sun has some special role in his plans? That he did everything because of Sun?

Because isn't he did all that to get Nexus, he did all that to keep Sun alive?

And thanks for one post that I don't remember their name (really helpful if some @ it for me), Dark Sun's toned voice shift becomes bitter and hatred when he mentioned Sun as Nexus's brother, while when he was being ominous with Nexus in the past, he is so casually throwing the fact that your brother would be dead.

Then it just hit me. Dark Sun was lying. Not technically because Sun's death is like a canon event ever but he twisted it. He twisted the truth into what he wanted and manipulated Nexus.

The brother, the Sun he mentioned was Solar, not Sun. Because it seems like you can only pick Solar or Sun in that event. If Sun lives, then Solar will die. And if Solar dies, then Sun will live.

Because we see in the simulation, Solar and Nexus would become closer, in different stimulation, Nexus yelling 'don't let me kill you, brother' to Solar, and he seemingly accepts that Sun is dead so quickly, (due to his hallucinations dream about the world similarities like that), not like with Solar, when he even not believing it is happening.

And for now, Nexus only calls Solar as his brother, even if it is just some mocking terms.

So according to Dark Sun pov, it is Solar Nexus's Sun, it is Solar Nexus's brother. And he gladly says that, because He hates how Sun is just a brother, for Moon, for Nexus.

(I am not saying it like Nexus doesn't care about Sun. I say it because he cares so deeply about Sun and the love he has for Sun always hurts him deeply, and he feels like he needs to live up to some expectation because of it.

He feels like he is a monster because he is Moon, but he also wants to be the Moon who is totally unphase of anything and so cruel and smartass.

The term Moon is like a chain for Nexus so when he gets rid of it, he prays for his feelings about Sun to go as well.

But he can't.

He called Solar his brother, Earth his sister, but Sun is like a bleeding wound for him that he couldn't mention Sun as anything if not family.

Like Moon, Nexus? These creatures. The little good boy, little jester. Lunar, he straight up says Lunar never cares about him and daydream about ripping that boy apart, draining his star power. He doesn't even care if Lunar has friends from the other side, he doesn't even care about the Astral Bodies.

Earth? Solar? He would hurt her again and he will kill Solar if he sees that orange boy on sight.

But when Dark Sun asks about kidnapping Sun, Nexus just shrugs his head and says Moon might track him if that happens and how is it too much work to do?

While that emo boy just shows up and tortures the shit out of Moon and leaves with no trace, and rather cracks Sun's code for weeks than just straight up tearing Sun apart like what Creator would do if he captures Sun?

Nexus not only wants Sun gone when he mentioned he would kill Sun and Moon. He wants Sun to go off sight, he wants to never see Sun or hear Sun's name anymore because he knows how much it hurts when actual interact with Sun.

He is no longer Moon, so what is he with Sun when the old one has come back, when all the strings are gone but Sun is still there?

He is in his identity crisis, and Sun is the centre of the eye of the storm. )

MF Just lying for himself and that is so sad.

And... I feel like Dark Sun wants Sun to go with him. Into his lab willingly. Because the sound of him is so interesting when he asks Nexus if he will kidnapped Sun and how he said he did all that for Sun giving me Sus.