#and now 3 five stars already this year?? dang

[nocompassnosign]

just finished two five star books in a row… god has shined down on me on this day

[greengrayeyeswrites]

shit-faced in love (chapter three)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,151

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn’t like fanfics about him, I’ll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4: Here

— — —

Imogen’s hair was messy, her make-up was smudged and her feet were feeling weird. She looked for the outside area of the airport so Buddy could go to the toilet. Her mind was racing, while she waited for Buddy to finish his business.

Then she searched the sleeping capsules and booked one for three and a half hours. Finally on her own in her own, private capsule the twenty-eight year old could finally relax.

She laid on the little bed, checked her social media and soon fell asleep. The jet lag was killing her. She flew eight hours into the past and it took its toll on her.

Buddy was lying on the floor on his cushion and was gently snoring away. Imogen’s whole body relaxed, while she laid on the bed, the quilt covering her whole face. 

She was glad she didn’t have to go through security once more. Her checked-in luggage was already on it’s way to the next airplane. 

Imogen almost slept through her alarm, when Buddy wouldn’t have woken her up with a wet kiss on her cheek. She exited the capsule and went to the closest restroom to refresh her and fix her make-up. 

Looking fresh and clean she entered the next airplane. The flight to Houston only took three hours and Imogen reached the lone star state at 3:30 am. 

To call Imogen tired and fucked was an understatement. The woman was completely wrecked, and felt sleep deprived. She had been flying through different timezones and was wrecked.

She almost fell asleep, while waiting for her luggage. But Buddy woke her up right when her carrier rolled past her on the treadmill. She quickly took it down and went to the rest room once more, freshening up.

She didn’t want to stand across of Baylee looking like a homeless person. She redid her whole make-up, put some peach-colored blush on her cheeks and redid her eyeliner, the wing looked even more pretty than before. 

With some finishing touches she looked at Buddy and nodded. „Ready to meet Baylee in real life?“ She asked the dog, that only tilted his head. 

Walking through the doors to the arrival hall, Imogen’s heart started beating faster and she nervously looked around.

She had facetimed with Baylee a lot and have seen her pictures. She knew how the woman looked like; yet here she was nervous about meeting Baylee for the first time.

Imogen’s hands were shaking and she held tight onto Buddy’s leash, when she saw a sign that said her name SAD-MOGEN the sign said and Imogen chuckled. 

She looked at the woman holding the sign and immediately recognized her. It was Bayle Macasa, her best friend. The smile on her lips was even prettier in real life than through the screen. 

Imogen slowly walked up to her, unsure of what to do. But once she stood infant of the smaller girl, the urge to hug her overwhelmed her and she crushed Baylee in a hug.

„I can’t believe I’m really here!“ Imogen almost cried, while holding Baylee in her arms. Her best friend, her backbone, her favorite person was standing right in front of her. 

„And I can’t believe you’re here!“ Baylee said and her voice send a shiver down Imogen’s spine. „Your voice is even prettier irl!“ The Irish woman was out of words, when she felt Buddy tug on its leash. 

„Oh, right!“ Imogen tugged on Buddy’s leash and the Siberian Husky walked a step forward. „Baylee, this is Buddy. Buddy, this is Baylee!“ Imogen introduced her dog to her best friend and vice versa. 

„Hi Buddy, it’s nice to meet you!“ Baylee bend down and let the dog sniff her hand, before she petted him. „Whoa! His fur is even softer than I imagined it!“ Baylee laughed and Imogen nodded. 

For a split second Imogen forgot that it was three in the morning. But while she followed Baylee through the George Bush Intercontinental Airport she started yawning. Baylee looked at the taller woman.

„You must be super tired“, the Filipina started and Imogen nodded. „I’ve travelled so many different time zones in the span of sixteen hours… I’m completely wrecked.“ 

Baylee laughed. „How about I drop you off at your AirBnB and we’re going to explore Houston once you’ve had a handful of sleep?“ Imogen looked at her dark haired friend and nodded. „That would be fantastic, Bay… I’m so sorry but Buddy and I are dead.“

The two women started laughing and walked to Baylee's car. „Completely understandable. It’s not everyday, that you cross the Atlantic Ocean!“ Baylee chuckled and opened the trunk of her Jeep. 

After they load the car and fixed Buddy’s car straps the two woman drove to Imogen’s AirBnB. Imogen had rented a beautiful, completely furnished Condo for her and Buddy in downtown Houston, close to the Memorial Park.

The owner of the AirBnB was super kind and told Imogen more than once that it was okay that Buddy was going to stay with her. 

Baylee soon found the condo and parked in front of it. „Whoa, that looks fancy.“ She grinned towards her best friend. „No wonder, for a rich YouTuber“ Baylee winked and Imogen blew up her cheeks. „I’m not rich… I just live comfortable…“ 

Money wasn’t Imogen’s favorite topic. She knew she owned more than normal twenty-eight year olds, but she worked hard for her money. She had deals with companies and had to advertise their products, to gain all that money.

„I know, I know… I was just kidding, Mo.“ Baylee grinned and climbed out the car. Imogen followed her and freed Buddy from the seat. The husky jumped out of the car and started sniffing the driveway of the condo.

The women unload the trunk and Baylee helped Imogen carry her stuff into the condo. Both women were shocked when they say the interior of the house. „Dang… this is beautiful!“ Imogen whispered and looked around.

The condo had a spacious living room with beautiful paintings all over the walls and beautiful furniture. There was a white dining table with green chairs. 

Imogen and Baylee both looked at eachother. „NCT-green chairs“, chuckled Imogen and Baylee nodded. „I bet Hyuck and Jae would like these chairs“, the twenty-five year old grinned. 

Buddy was sniffing around the house and went out to the backyard and pool area to do his business. 

After Imogen and Baylee looked through the whole condo, Baylee bid her goodbyes for now and Imogen hugged her. „Call me once you wake up, okay? I’ll come by with breakfast!“ The Filipina promised and Imogen nodded. 

Once Baylee left, Imogen went straight to the bathroom to wipe off all her make-up. After fixing Buddy’s cushion next to her bed, she fell asleep. 

She couldn’t wait for her American adventure to start.

to be continued…

Taglist: @wineandionysus

[gamequeenanya]

Nico Collabs With Thomas: The Boyfriend Tickle Challenge! (Switch!Thomas, Switch!Nico)

Summary: Thomas and Nico try a special challenge for a video - answer a question wrong about the other person, get tickled! Who will get flustered? Who will be giggly? And who will win this challenge? 

Nico had asked Thomas if he could guest star on the show sometimes. He'd said sure! For their first collaboration, Nico sat next to Thomas in his room as he read off various ideas they could do.

"Here's a good one: The Try Not to Laugh Challenge!" Thomas said. Nico giggled.

"Seriously? My giggly boy Thomas has to try not to laugh?" He teased, wiggling his fingers. Thomas giggled, letting out a snort too.

"W-whatever!" he whined.

As Thomas read through the list of YouTube challenges, Nico kept teasing him by wiggling his fingers towards Thomas' sides, snickering quietly. He'd occasionally poke them too. Finally, after about five minutes of it, Thomas had enough. He turned around and tackled Nico to the floor.

"Okay, Nico... you win. How about YOU try not to laugh for ten minutes, okay...?" Thomas grinned mischievously. Nico gulped, knowing he was doomed.

Thomas tickled under his chin.

"Wait Thomas!" He said, resisting. "It's supposed to be you not laughing!"

Thomas seemed to change into Janus as he turned his head a little and got a smooth silky voice. "Plans change sometimes, sweetheart."

Nico struggled a little and found he couldn't get free.

Starting at his armpits, Thomas softly ran his fingers back and forth in the hollows. Nico squealed and thrashed about, shaking his head.

"EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEEE!! NAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAA!!"

"Aw, you're failing already!" Thomas said. "Don't worry though. I'll go easier on you."

His touch got lighter, making the sensations more tingly and torturous.

"Hehehehehheheeee!! Please!!" Nico cried. Thomas paused, grinning down at him.

"Please what, Nico...?"

Nico shook his head. "Stahahahhaaap!"

Since they hadn't come up with a safe word yet, Thomas played it safe. He pulled away, leaving Nico to pant on the floor.

"Have we learned our lesson...?"

Nico huffed, sitting up and crossing his arms. "I'm not talking to you." He straightened his glasses, noting his cheeks were hot.

Thomas just sat there, satisfied to draw this out as long as he could.

Spoiler alert: Eventually Nico did talk with Thomas again, and that time they did make an actual video.

"The safe word is banana." Thomas said.

"No," Nico replied, knowing where this was going.

"That way when I don't say it, I can say, 'Orange you glad I didn't say banana?'" He giggled.

Nico sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thomas, I swear..."

After that was agreed upon, they set up the camera and got ready to film their video.

They'd discussed the video beforehand and decided Thomas should go first. Nico got out some cards with questions written on them.

"Hi everybody!" Thomas said, doing his super happy smile. "Today, I'm joined by my boyfriend Nico! And we will be doing the boyfriend tickle challenge!" He laughed a little at saying that. Everyone could tell he could hardly wait.

Next to him, Nico grinned, holding up a card.

"First question, Thomas. And no cheating! ... What colour is my underwear?"

"What?!" He said, completely taken by surprise. "H-how would I know that?!"

Nico chuckled. "Just kidding! Here's the real question! 1. What's my favourite type of rock?"

"That's an easy one," Thomas said. He hesitated. "It's igneous, right?"

Nico sighed in defeat. "Yep!"

Thomas grinned, pumping his fist. "Yes!"

Clearing his throat, Nico went to the next question.

"Now then... What's my favourite hairstyle for women?" Nico said, thinking he'd have Thomas stumped.

"Uhhh... All women are beautiful regardless of how they style their hair!"

"A very Thomas answer! I'll give you half a point since it's technically correct! The real answer was beehive!"

"Dang!" Thomas said.

Nico lightly danced his fingers on Thomas' sides.

"Eheheheheheee!" Thomas wiggled in place. Nico giggled along. This was fun!

Giving Thomas a bit of a break, Nico moved on to the third question.

"Alright, number three, the big cahooney, your chance to prove yourself once and for all as the ultimate boyfriend!" Nico said. He checked the card and blushed. "Okay, no, we're skipping that one." He flipped over to the next card. "Ah. We're skipping that one too."

Thomas chuckled. "Are they really that inappropriate?"

"No!" Nico cried indignantly. "These are all family friendly questions!"

"Let me see."

Nico shook his head. The next thing he knew he was wrestling Thomas on the ground.

"Hehehey, no! Get away!" He shrieked. Thomas tried to reach the cards in his hands but he kept them high over his head. A quick tickle to the armpits, and Thomas had the cards in his hands. Nico covered his blushing face. "Oh gosh!"

"Hmmm... Question 3: Innie or outie belly button? I'm pretty sure yours counts as an outie." Thomas said, lifting Nico's shirt to check if he was correct. "Yep!" A gentle boop, and he pulled his shirt back down. Nico giggled. He wrapped his arms around himself, big smile never leaving his face. Oh gosh, what if Thomas' camera recorded all this? And it probably did. Thomas turned to the next card. "Oh, and worst tickle spot?" He giggled. "Pretty sure it's your right foot!"

Nico squeaked. So Thomas had been paying attention! "Okay, okay, you win!"

Thomas helped Nico up. He paused his teasing for a second. "Hey, Nico? If you're uncomfortable we can stop. We don't have to post this to YouTube if you don't want."

"You mean it?" He said. Looking away, he smiled nervously. "I mean, I was enjoying the game... But it does seem kind of embarrassing to show to the whole world, you know? Can we keep it, um, just between us?"

Thomas nodded, eyes sparkling with sincerity.

They turned off the camera and put it away. But the game wasn't finished yet.

"Your turn now, Nico!" Thomas teased, grabbing his own set of cards. Nico sat in his chair and tried not to squirm. "Okay, first question... Which celebrity does my dad look like?"

Nico twiddled his thumbs, thinking desperately. He didn't know! "Uhhh, uhhh, Jeff Goldblum?"

To his surprise, Thomas nodded. "Good! Next question, what nickname have the fans given to Logan's tie?"

"Tyler." Nico said without hesitation. Thomas nodded again.

"Alright, last question... You're doing great so far, don't worry..." He smiled reassuringly at Nico. "Now, this should be an easy one. What's my favourite cartoon?"

Nico blanked. There were so many cartoons Thomas had talked about over the years... But which was his favourite? He stressed and thought over it for many minutes before Thomas told him his time was up.

"Wait wait waaaaait!" Nico cried. "W-what was your favourite?!"

"To be honest, you could have said any of the ones I mentioned in my videos and it would have counted. I love them all equally!"

"What?!" He squeaked. This time Thomas gently scooped him into his arms and began scratching his sides. "Eheheheheheheheee!"

"Awwww!" Thomas said, smiling at how cute Nico was.

"Unfair!" he whined.

"Oh, that's not unfair, Nico... this is!" He put Nico in a tickle hold and massaged his hips.

Nico screamed with laughter! "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!! THOHOHOHOOMAS!!"

Next, Thomas reached around to tickle all along his back.

"AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAAA!! NOT THERE!!"

Then he lifted Nico's shirt up and blew raspberries on his belly button.

"AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!! IHIHI'LL GET YOHOHOHOU FOR THIS!!"

"I'd like to see you try!" He said, giggling. Thomas danced his fingers all over Nico's stomach, avoiding the hands trying to fight him off. Well, for a few seconds, at least.

Nico managed to flip their positions and grab Thomas' wrists. He grinned down at him. "Surprised...?"

Thomas blushed, fully accepting of his fate.  

And Nico sure got his revenge! He skittered his fingers along his neck, making Thomas giggle and roll on the floor. He pulled his shirt up, and skittered his fingers all along his stomach. He blew raspberries on his belly button.

"HEHEHEHEHEHHEEHEHEHEHEHEEE!!" Thomas practically flailed. Nico swirled his fingers along both of his sides, making him wiggle back and forth. "HEHEEHEHHEHEHHEEEE!! NIHIHIHIHIHICO!!!"

"Yes, Thomas...?" Nico said, pausing.

Thomas panted, and looked up at Nico with starry eyes. He kept giggling for a long while. "Ahahaha... Hahahahaa... Ahahaaahaaa..."

Nico helped him sit up.

"O-Orange you glad... I didn't... say banana...?" Thomas said with a grin. Nico rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Thomas. Yes, I am..."

Nico stayed with Thomas for the rest of the evening, wondering how he could ever come up with a pun to rival that one.

[mythrilhusk]

Korosensei Never Dies - Chapter 6

Words - 1967 Ao3 Version Chapter 5 (last) Chapter 7 (Next)

AN: Just wanted to note (although it’s already in tags) that there are no ships in this story. The characters may be affectionate with each other, but it’s all platonic. 

====

Exams are the worst part of school, but the end of the first term approaches fast. Tommy determines he will not fail. Philza has promised to teach them how to fight, and by the ever-loving stars, Tommy wants to show off his mad skillz. 

He's so intent on getting fighting lessons that he's dragged his friends into group study sessions. Wilbur insists on leading said sessions, and somehow the schoolwork gets entwined with role-playing battles with fiercesome monsters. 

"The answer is forty-two!! I pull out a bazooka and blast everything to smithereens!" Tubbo cackles. "Nothing shall stand in the way of world domination." 

"Tubbo," Wilbur sighs for the fortieth time. "That would kill all of your teammates." 

"Do I care?" Tubbo grins innocently. "Less competition, big man!" 

"I lay down and die." Ranboo says drily, leaning against the wall with his arm around Tubbo's shoulders. 

"Not you, Ranboo, you're going to be my puppet queen. Every world-dominating super-villain needs a puppet queen." Tubbo says, quite matter-of-fact.

Tommy scrawls messily on his workbook, determined to complete the next answer first and get a turn. "Ha! Fucking x equals twenty-nine!" He crows. "I shoot my nets at Tubbo and capture him!!" 

"Stand-off." Wilbur says with a grin. "Who wrote Frankenstein?" 

"Some woman with a boring name." Tommy retorts. 

"Anne Rice!" Tubbo cries. 

"Tommy, you got the closer answer. It was Mary Shelley." 

"Alright, I win, and I say 'Hahaha, you fucking imbecile, you are no match for me!' and then I drag them to jail." 

"I completed my worksheet, Wilbur." Eret pipes up. Wilbur takes it, then nods for Eret to complete his bonus action. "I stab Tommy and release Tubbo, saying, 'The world is yours for the taking, but allow me to oversee a portion of it.' and then I kneel and plant my sword in the dust." 

"Oh! Oh!" Tubbo waves his worksheet in the air. "Ranboo, stab him for me!" 

"As you wish." Ranboo sighs with a wicked grin. Eret protests weakly in the background. 

"Ranboo, you need to answer a question correctly, first." Wilbur steeples his fingers. "Or else there will be penalties." 

"I, uh, I think I got this one correct." Ranboo shows his study sheet to Wilbur, who nods curtly. 

"Fine, go ahead." 

Ranboo turns to Eret and says in a dark tone, "You betrayed your friend. I can't trust you, Eret." Then he turns to Wilbur, "I run him through with my dagger." 

"Eret, you're now a ghost." Wilbur shuffles through his game notes. 

"Aw, man. Can I haunt anyone?" 

"Yes."

"I haunt Ranboo to remind him of his crimes." 

"Aw, dang, another voice." Ranboo groans playfully. 

"Whaddya mean, another??" Tubbo cries. "Am I being replaced, Ranboo??" 

"You- you are the voice." Ranboo laughs nervously. "Even when you're dead, I'll still hear you, shouting at me to not kill the bees." 

"You better not. I worked hard to cultivate our apiary." 

"I won't, I won't." 

Tommy finishes his worksheet, ignoring the chatter of the others. "Ha!" He turns it into a paper plane and throws it to Wilbur. "I want twelve actions now!" 

"Okay, Tommy." Wilbur replies with a sly smile. The others protest, but Tommy has Wilbur wrapped around his little finger, so they won't be winning this battle. 

"But! I want to split them up between us, because I'm a fucking nice person who loves women." 

"Go ahead." 

"My first action as King de facto of the world is to declare peace between the Moon and Mars." 

"Wait, wait, you're king?? Eret, you didn't even kill him properly!!" Tubbo throws up his hands. "Ranboo, kill Tommy for me." 

"Hypothetically, what if I didn't?" 

"Ranboo. Are you betraying me??" 

"No, no, I said hypothetically." 

"Then, hypothetically, I would nuke your entire homeland and make you watch as I killed your family before your very eyes." 

"Oh! Oh, no." 

"And then I would torture you to death." 

"Oh, man. That would not be good." 

"So are you going to betray me?" 

"Apparently not." 

"Aw, man. I wanted to torture somebody." Tubbo sighs. 

Ranboo gives Tommy a look that says 'help me'. 

"You both lost your turns for talking too long." Wilbur decides. "Tommy and Eret, you both have an extra turn." 

"I turn corporeal using necromancy, and I use Tubbo's soul as the energy source, draining him of life." Eret says, his cheerful eyes belying his dark tone. 

"No! Ranboo, avenge meeeee!!" Tubbo cries melodramatically to the heavens. 

"Oh no! I'll avenge you!!" 

"I kill Ranboo." Tommy cackles at the horrified look on Ranboo's face. 

"Oh, that's not good." 

"How do you kill him, Tommy?" Wilbur asks. 

"I stab the bastard through the fucking eyes." 

"Oh. Man. That sounds painful." Ranboo winces.

"It is. You're screaming like a fucking bitch." 

"Am I? Oh dang, that's not fun. Am I a ghost now?" 

"Ghostboo." Tubbo laughs. "You're now Ghostboo." 

"You're Toast, you don't get to mock my name." 

Tommy frowns. "What's my ghost name?"

"Ghommy." Ranboo laughs. "Eret is Gheret." 

"Tommy, you think we're ready for the exams?" Wilbur gathers the papers scattered across the floor.  

"Fuck yeah, we are. We'll crush those bastards to dust. We'll get the highest grades of anybody in the entire school!"

++++

"What do you mean, you can't transfer me?? My grades are the worst they've ever been in years!!" Jack cries, stomping his foot on the polished wood floor of the principal's office. 

"I'm sorry, duckie, but I can't let anyone transfer between classes this year." Puffy-- rumored to be a pirate in a past life and therefore always called Captain-- frowns as she flicks through Jack's portfolio. "Why did you want to be transferred, anyway?" 

"No reason." Jack grumbles, then stomps out of the office, slamming the door behind himself. 

"How'd it go?" Niki hops down from one of the pillars. 

"Terribly. Those bastards in 3-E must've told Captain Puffy to not let anyone in. They're probably planning to take over the world now, using Techno as bait!" Jack cries, his eyes burning with furious tears. 

"That's awful!" Niki wails. "What will we do?" 

"What do heroes do to villains? We bomb them." 

"Bomb them?" 

"I don't know how yet." Jack grins, filled with burning rage. "But we'll think of something." 

"I know a man." Niki says decisively. "He'll get us supplies. If they really are planning to end the world, we need to stop them." 

++++

Exams roll around, and 3-E joins the the main school buildings for the tests. Quackity and Sapnap both leap on and hug Karl Jacobs. Tommy strides through the testing auditorium like he owns the place, with Wilbur glaring at everyone and Tubbo whetting his dagger with a placid smile. 

Fundy watches the chaos from the sidelines, chewing on caramel taffy and bubblegum at the same time. He doesn't recognize the quiet boy huddled in a corner and writing. Before he can creep over and look at the boy's words, Eret accosts him. "Hey, man." 

"Oh, hey!" Fundy grins and hugs his friend. "What've you been up to?" 

"Oh, just trying to stop the world from ending and make a profit in the process, you know, the usual." 

"Right, right. What's up with that, anyway? This guy, Technoblade? He must be really hard to kill if nobody's done it yet." 

"We have till the year ends." Eret says gravely. 

"Right. But why hasn't anybody, I don't know, tried to get in on the action?" 

"The government is supposed to be keeping his location a secret." Eret adjusts his sunglasses. 

"Weird." Fundy pops a bubble between his lips. 

"Indeed. I know there must be a weakness. But I'm not sure what it is."

"Maybe it's something like technical immortality! Maybe he can only be killed if he lets it happen!" Fundy theorizes, chewing more intensely. 

Eret grimaces. "Perhaps. Threatening his friend, Philza, directly is out of the question. But perhaps we can get the kill switch from the president." 

"Woah, woah, back up!" Fundy laughs. "There's already a kill switch in his friend and the prezz hasn't thought to use that??" 

"Well, he's a hostage, but- oh." 

"Exactly!! If the prezz actually wanted him dead, all they'd have to do is threaten to kill this Philza dude if Techno doesn't let himself be killed!" Fundy blows another bubble and pops it with his teeth. "Damn, I'm good." 

"That's assuming Technoblade would die if he allowed it. What if he can't?" Eret muses. 

"He has to have some weakness. How was he even created??" 

"I- I don't know." 

"The only way a mutant like that could be created is through Human intervention, aka a laboratory and scientists!!" Fundy claps his hands together excitedly. "But why would scientists create a creature who can destroy the world?? Unless he can't, and this is all just a damn test." 

"Hmm." Eret doesn't sound convinced. 

"So, they're trying to develop immortality, and they're testing it on Technoblade-"

"Why him?" Eret asks. "And if it is a test, why here, with a bunch of students?"

"He got loose before the tests could be finalized, and they're trying to contain him again!" Fundy starts pacing. "He was a terrorist, yeah? I remember him in the news. The Acolyte." 

"Blood for the blood god." Eret reminisces, paling. "That's right." 

"He only ever went after important government figures! But, five years ago, he disappeared, and nobody ever heard from him again. Until now..." Fundy grins wildly. "This is amazing, I can't believe I get front row seats to a conspiracy!" 

"Wait." Eret groans. "He had a partner." 

"Oh! He did?" 

"Technoblade was the Acolyte. But his partner was the Angel. What if that was-" 

"Philza!!" Fundy cries. "Oh god, we have both of the most deadly international terrorists in my school!! Why couldn't I have worn better clothes??" 

"I don't think that should be our main concern." Eret steeples his fingers. "I think we should worry more about what they're planning to do." 

"I'm going to talk to Captain Puffy." Fundy decides. "Come with me?" 

"I'll pass. Good luck." 

"I've got the best luck in the world." Fundy crows and skips off. He glances back once, briefly, only to see Eret watching him with an unreadable expression. 

++++

Tipsy, Schlatt lounges on one of the pristine metal tables. In the background, HBomb sweeps up the shards of a broken whiskey bottle, the remnants of a drunken tantrum. 

"Heyyy." Schlatt greets the mercenary waiting in the doorway. "Come on in." 

"How much do I get paid for my trouble?" The mercenary asks, slouching in a too-large purple hoodie and baggy pants. 

"Fifteen billion, take it or leave it." Schlatt grins. 

"I'll take it. But this is the last time." 

"Sure, honey." 

"How'd you lose him again?" 

"Bitch killed half my fucking scientists." Schlatt shrugs genially, hiding his irritation. "But we've got a neutralizing agent, now." He tosses a capsule to the mercenary, who catches it and inspects it. "Inject that and he'll be as harmless as a two-ton hippo." 

"That's hardly what I'd call harmless." 

"Eh, semantics. He won't be immortal." 

"Hmm." The mercenary pockets the neutralizer. "I'll do it. But you'd better pay me exactly what you promised, or he dies." 

"C'mon, darling, what do you take me for? A scam artist?? Nah, that's not my fucking style. Return him safe and sound, and everything will be just fine." Schlatt lights a cigar, takes a deep drag, then lets it all out in a slow plume. "Do as I say and nobody gets hurt." 

++++

Eret opens his buzzing phone and answers, "Hey." 

"Crocodiles don't cry often." The familiar voice says coldly into their ear. 

"Crocodile tears are worthless." Eret replies. 

Purpled laughs on the other end. "What do you say, partner? Ready to make some dough?" 

Eret grins, baring her teeth. "Always." 

Chapter 7 (Next)

[insidethegiftbasket]

AL WILD CARD GAME: YANKEES AT RED SOX

Tuesday, October 5th, 2021, at 8:08pm

Broadcasts:

ESPN: Matt Vasgersian, Alex Rodriguez, Buster Olney, and Marly Rivera

ESPN2: Statcast Broadcast: Jason Benetti, Mike Petriello, and Eduardo Perez

Red Sox Pitching

Nathan Eovaldi will get the ball for the Red Sox to start the game out, and while he has come back to earth a bit from his insane start of the season (specifically with the long ball), Eovaldi is still a dang good pitcher.

He led the AL in games started, led the AL in FIP, and led the majors in BB/9.

His April/May were unsustainably good, specifically the one home run he allowed over eleven starts, but he’s done an excellent job of limiting walks and throwing strikes. He averaged 16.1 pitches per inning this season, and batters were only ahead in the count ~21% of the time this year. Eovaldi is a flamethrower -- he throws his four seam fastball roughly 42% of the time and it sits at 96mph -- doesn’t have a lot of spin (29th percentile) or vertical movement (10% less drop than average) but it does have 46% more horizontal break (12.2 inches of horizontal movement) to the four seam. He also mixes in a slider vs righties (13.7% of pitches thrown and has average movement) and a curve vs lefties (18.8% of pitches thrown and also has average movement.) Neither pitch gets hit a lot but when the slider does get hit it’s usually for extra bases. He’ll also mix in cutters and splitters -- the splitter is an out pitch and gets a good amount of strikeouts, the cutter is a bad pitch that should get hit hard.

That is his pitch chart from his most recent start against the Yankees.

And the chart of when he’s throwing his pitches -- now it’s a good thing for him that he’s getting ahead in the count, because you can see that when he is behind, he’s essentially only throwing fastballs. When batters ARE ahead in the count, they’re slashing .280/.414/.527 against him, which is actually well below MLB league average. He also really struggles the third time through the order:

So I would assume that Eovaldi goes 4, maybe 5 innings before being pulled for the bullpen. 

 Nathan also has been significantly worse vs right handed hitters than vs lefties:

And importantly, has already faced the Yankees six times this season: going 2-2 with a 3.71 ERA in 34 innings -- giving up 38 hits, five home runs, four walks, and striking out 34 batters. That’s a .279/.310/.434 slashline for the Bombers.

Now, when the Red Sox do end up going to the bullpen, they’ll have a lot of right handed relief options to go to: Garrett Richards, Garret Whitlock, Hirokazu Sawamura, Adam Ottavino, and Matt Barnes. The Sox ended the season with the 13th best bullpen ERA, but the 23rd best bullpen WHIP -- so they’ll let guys on base.

Garret Richards was legitimately bad as a starting pitcher this year, but a move to the bullpen may have revitalized his career:

He was a guy with two decent pitches -- a four seam fastball and a slider, and by moving to the bullpen he’s been able to increase his fastball velocity and not have to worry about showing other pitches. He still has the 12-6 curve he can pullout in emergencies, but he’s not having to throw a near eephus pitch a couple times an inning just to give guys a different look. Garrett Whitlock is in an interesting situation -- he was one of the best stories in baseball this summer and was looking like one of the best relievers in the AL…until he wasn’t. He started to get hit around a bit in May, and then in September started to really struggle, but its hard to know how much of it is him, and how much of it was his injury. He went on the IL on September 21st with a pectoral strain, but he was activated before the final game of the season for the Red Sox, so it’ll be interesting to see if Cora throws him into the fire with no rehab appearances on Tuesday.

Old friend Adam Ottavino was doing well for the Red Sox this season (if you ignored the lefty/righty splits for the first half of the season) until this September, where in his last 13 appearances he’s given up a 1.152 OPS against and a 7.36 ERA. So yeah, typical Otto! Lastly, Matt Barnes also had a dominating first half of the season before falling off a cliff after the trade deadline, and has a 6.48 ERA since the All Star Break.

Red Sox Lineup

The good for Boston- this offense is really, really good from top to bottom. The bad for Boston -- JD Martinez sprained his ankle running to the outfield during the last game of the season and Alex Cora said he’s questionable for the Wild Card game. They can just play both Schwarber and Dalbec if that’s the case, but if he does miss the game it would be a huge loss. The other bad news for Boston -- they’re literally the worst team in baseball at fielding. Boston’s defensive efficiency was at .659, meaning that roughly 66% of balls put into play ended up being outs. The next worst team were the Angels at .680, and the Red Sox committed more errors than anyone other than the Marlins. According to Statcast’s Outs Above Average, other than Enrique Hernandez in CF, every Red Sox player was either neutral or bad defensively this season. They have some good arms, especially Hunter Renfroe, but this is a bad defensive team that the Yankees should hopefully take advantage of (Devers and Bogaerts especially are beyond awful.) That said, as bad as Bogaerts and Devers are defensively, they more than make up for that offensively:

Devers in particular has become one of the game’s best hitters, and might be the best hitting third baseman in the AL.

And Bogaerts is no slouch either, putting up a monster year of his own at shortstop.

This is a team that also hit Cole hard, and if JD Martinez is able to play, then I’d expect them to start Schwarber at 1b and then use Dalbec as a pinch hitting option late as a counter to either Luetge or Wandy or Chapman. I’d also expect them to call up Jarren Duran, one of the fastest players in baseball, to use as a pinch runner late if they need to.

Fenway Park

It’s a major hitter’s park -- its currently the second most favorable hitter’s park (behind Coors Field) over the past three seasons, and that’s with it being a below average park for homers. Expect lots of doubles and triples and singles here due to the wonky dimensions and fences. It’s also the #1 left handed hitter’s park.

Yankees Offensive Keys to Success

Make Eovaldi work and get behind in the count, letting them tee off on his fastballs

The lefties have to do work -- whether thats Gardy or Rizzo or Gallo or Wade or Odor or Velazquez, a couple guys from that group have to punish the purely right handed bullpen of the Red Sox.

When the Red Sox let our guys get on base, the team has to take advantage of it -- whether its through stealing bases or productive outs or just not grounding into a double play right away.

Someone other than Judge and Stanton needs to carry some of the load offensively and get a big hit

Yankees Defensive Keys to Success

Cole needs to get through the first inning -- over the course of the season he allowed a .839 OPS against and a 4.80 ERA against in the first inning, and he allowed almost a third of his home runs in the first inning. Get past that first challenge by Devers and he should be good.

Don’t be afraid of giving up the long ball -- it’s better to attack this Boston team and give up some damage then nibble around them and have the big hits count for more than one run. They’re going to get theirs, it just comes down to whether its a couple solo shots or a couple three run bombs.

Don’t worry about the steal -- other than Duran (who’s in the 96th percentile for sprint speed) this is a really slow team that stole the second least amount of bases in baseball. If someone gets on, don’t be overly worried about the runner and get distracted, just focus on getting your outs.

Please catch your pop ups.

Prediction Time

I’m going to say Yankees win this 5-3, mostly because I trust the Yankees bullpen more than Boston’s at this point. If the Red Sox bullpen was clicking like it was in April and May I’d feel differently, but especially in a Wild Card game where starters rarely go more than five innings, it’s just a lot to ask of this Boston bullpen to be able to give good length.

[love-sapphirerose]

Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon Episode 22

https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/review/yashahime-princess-half-demon/episode-22/.170344

I'm going to get this out of the way now, just so I can switch things up and not start things off on such a negative foot: “The Stolen Seal” isn't a terrible episode of Yashahime! Relatively speaking, at least; lord knows there are a lot of bones I have to pick, but they're the kinds of problems we've come to expect from the whole of Yashahime by now, and while they usually say that familiarity breeds contempt, in this show's case I'm perfectly happy to mix my metaphors and go with the devil I know. At the very least, “The Stolen Seal” doesn't end on a character-destroying gag like last week did, and it's not infuriatingly incompetent like, well, a lot of prior episodes have been. Here's your gold star, Yashahime.

We actually begin with another flashback, this time to a previous arrival of that one evil comet, which we see being destroyed by Kirinmaru, Zero, and — hold for surprised gasp — Grampyasha himself, the Great Dog Demon! The reveal that Kirinmaru and Zero used to be besties with GDD is something that feels like it should be shocking, or at least emotional, but Yashahime has bungled its pacing and narrative so badly that the best it could muster from me was a slightly cocked eyebrow and a mild snort. I'm sure the show wants us to make a big to-do out of the mystery of what happened between these three to lead them to…whatever it is that Kirinmaru and Zero are trying to do, now, but this is the first time that Kirinmaru and Zero have even *kind of* felt like characters with personalities and goals. Even with Zero and Kirinmaru vaguely gesticulating about the Spooky Plans™ for the girls for half of the episode, I'm still not entirely sure of what they want to accomplish now, so Yashahime sure as hell hasn't shored up enough vested interest to get me concerned about the villains' pasts.

Speaking of the Spooky Plans™, yes, that is what this week's episode is all about. For some reason that Yashahime hasn't bothered to tell us yet, Zero and Kirinmaru actually want to unlock Towa and Setsuna's sealed-away demon powers, and Zero goes about this scheme using those creepy demon powers that I guess she didn't seal away, after all. Do the treacherous siblings simply want to see what the twins are capable of at full strength, before killing them? Or does Kirinmaru have greater use for Towa and Setsuna? Could it be that he might even have their best interests in mind? Probably not, but we're getting to the point where the obnoxiously dragged out “mysteries” of the story are just frustrating and pointless, so we've got to fill in the blanks with something to work with.

In any case, Zero first pays a visit to Miroku in order to figure out how to unseal Setsuna's power, and then she takes her newfound knowledge to the sisters themselves. Zero manages to easily brainwash Towa into helping her, thanks to Towa chucking away her Silver Pearl last week like a damned nincompoop. Moroha, being the only sweet and good character in this entire series, does her best to help, but to no avail: Zero rips away Setsuna's seal, transforming the young half-demon into the venomous, rage-filled beast that we've seen consume her before. Oh, and then she grows big purple butterfly wings and flies away to wreak more havoc elsewhere.

Is the implication that Setsuna is the dream butterfly? Or is Zero the Dream Butterfly, and the wings are on her account? Or is this some kind of extended Naraku/OG InuYasha reference that is just (heh heh) flying over my head? Either way, I have to be honest: It looks goofy as all get out. And not in a charming, “This is a fairy tale meant for kids!” way, oh no — it's plain corny, is what it is. Most of the action this week is pretty lame, as sloppily and poorly storyboarded as it is, but Magical Butterfly Setsuna is perhaps a bridge too far, especially since we don't have enough context to know why she would just randomly sprout butterfly wings all of a sudden. And what does all of Setsuna's rage and thrashing about amount to in the end? A blink-and-you'll-miss-it appearance from Sesshomaru, who, true to form as ever, can only muster mild disgust for his daughter's inability to perfectly master her demon powers entirely on her own, years after being completely abandoned by the only parent who could have maybe given her some real pointers. Dad of the Year material, he is most certainly not.

Still, I meant it when I said this was a step up from previous episodes. I liked Miroku's daughter, Kin'u, who takes a solid minute to dunk on her dad for getting gooped up in Zero's spiderwebs before helping him out. I liked that Moroha got more to do this week than just stand around, waiting for an opportunity to sneak in one of her zingers. (Even if the end result is still, you know, Moroha getting her ass beat. Again.) Hell, I even liked the incredibly stupid cliffhanger at the end of the episode, where we cut back to the present day for the first time in almost five months, to see Towa's teacher, Osamu Kirin, remarking on the reappearance of that gosh-danged evil demon comet. Get it? “Osamu Kirin”? With the floofy hair and oversized Harry Potter specs covering up his face?? Man, I almost feel bad for Yashahime at this point because of moments like these, where it feels like the show genuinely believes it is telling an interesting story worth giving a damn about. It isn't. At all. If the show can just maintain a few episode's worth of this baseline level of near functional quality, though, I might just be able to humor it long enough to get to the finish line.

• The bar is so low at this point that I nearly gave “The Stolen Seal” a 3/5, just for how much it didn't actively annoy or insult me. Then we got to the scene where Towa noted that hugging Riku sure did make her feel different from when “Papa Sota” hugs her. This is, categorically, the single worst line that the show has ever had the gall to throw at us, and Yashahime is lucky that I didn't throw another Adam Sandler movie GIF at the scoreboard. You're on thin ice, Yashahime! Keep the girls' nascent horniness to your damn self, please and thank you.

• So, Zero and Grampyasha were most definitely getting their shag on, right? The internet tells me that Sesshomaru's mother has already made her appearance in the series, so my initial theory that she was going to be the twins' grandmother doesn't seem like it makes any sense. But still, she's out here calling GDD her “lord” and giving him the “slam my salmon” look throughout the whole episode. That explains why she gave up her demon powers in a fit of grief — even if, again, it seems like she definitely still has all of her demon powers — though I still don't get why she was so keen on killing GDD when he was deathly ill, last week.

• Totosai also pops up to foreshadow the “training with the Blood Blade” — I don't know what a Blood Blade is, but I was feeling like Steve Rogers when the old blacksmith popped up:

[rogueninja]

Okay so we all know who your top ships are... who are your unpopular ships? Or obscure ships? What characters from what series do you think about often in either good or bad ways? Who is a character that you hate that others love? If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

Ok I am digging through my brain right now bc if I’m not able to hyperfixate on something then I tend to forget I even liked it. Ok buckle in bc this is gonna be long af. YOU ASKED FOR THIS, REG.

I’m putting a readmore so as not to torture my followers lol

Thinking about Veronica Mars. About Veronica/Logan. Do they have a ship name?? But I love that show and i was THERE for them. They were kind of a surprise ship for me, in that when they got together I was like, wait, WHAT? Like I was totally caught off guard. But there first kiss is, like, sooo romantic to me haha. It’s my fave scene in the show. But Logan is suck a prick sometimes. And they break up like every five minutes. And every season Logan gets accused of murder which of course he ends up not being the murderer. And they get back together eventually and I’m like really? But deep down I am rooting for them lol. I really enjoyed the new season of Veronica Mars that came out last year, actually. The ending made me SO SAD THO.

I also used to watch Supergirl and I thought Kara and Mon-El were adorable. He was very Carswell Thorne-esque, RH, I *think* you would like him. I never watched past season 3(?) though, and he shoots off into space and I never caught up so a few months ago I actually googled what happens and [spoiler] he ends up marrying someone else in the future or something so I was like, ok I’m not investing any more time in this show lol. (Also I had to google Mon-El’s name just now bc i forgot which is a bad look BUT I WAS REALLY RIDE OR DIE FOR THEM FOR A WHILE lol). Also I loved Martian Manhunter in this show, he was my favorite character. But the CGI for him was awful, omg. He had practical makeup at first, they should have just stuck with that.

Speaking of Martian Manhunter, I also used to watch Young Justice and loved Miss Martian/Superboy. Am I basic??? lol oop. But I love basic love stories. Anyway, I thought they were super cute. In season 3 though they’re kind of on the rocks. I haven’t watched season 4. I also loved Artemis/Wally West, but of course that had to end tragically.

Also, let’s talk about Nightcrawler. Allow me to set the scene. Little Kat is 13 and just rediscovered the cartoon she saw a few times as a kid called X-Men: Evolution. And thus, a weird obsession with the German, blue demon boy began. I loved Kurt Wagner. In the cartoon he starts a relationship with Amanda Sefton and I thought they were a-dor-a-ble. She accepted him for who he was, and they had a really nice healthy relationship. A lot of ppl shipped him with Kitty too which i am honestly all for idec I JUST WANT THE BLUE BOI TO BE HAPPY.

Can we talk about A:TLA too??? Like, obviously Zutara, amiright? Power couple. Like, Kataang is.. fine, but its probably my least favorite part about the ending, haha. Also, consider: Tokka. Toph is bae and can get anyone she wants, and she clearly had kind of a crush on Sokka and I think they could have been awesome. It actually kills me that they never say who Lin and Suyin’s father is in LoK. I had a whole theory that it was that kid The Duke from Jet’s band based on like 2 scenes from the series. There’s a tumblr post I made about it somewhere in the ether lol.

I also just remembered Tahnorra (Tahno/Korra) from Legend of Korra. It’s hard for me to explain this one. It’s a weird combination of being hyperfixated on the first season of the show when it came out, and I think I stumbled upon some fic or something???? And I thought Tahno was hot or something??? And FUN FACT, he was voice by Rami Malek BEFORE HE WAS COOL. So like before Rami really got big I knew who he was. He also basically played the Avatar in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 and I thought that connection was hilarious. It was kind of a problematic crack pairing but there was one author in particular whom i follow to this day hoping she’ll update her Tahnorra fics…. *sigh*

Okay one last ship…. I used to be ride or die for Outlaw Queen in Once Upon a Time (aka Regina/Robin Hood). Like, before TLC, I had a personal tumblr renaissance for that ship alone. My only existing published fanfic is for that ship. Taylor Swift’s 1989 came out that year and I related every dang song to that ship. I loved Regina so much and I just wanted her to be happy. That show is a dumpster fire, though, and spat all over my hopes and dreams. *sigh*

Also, lightning round for obscure pairings I ship and/or never talk about:

Frank Castle/Karen Page (The Punisher) ok this one isnt that obscure but I never talk about it… but the pining, oh god the pining

Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth (GoT) THEIR 5 SECONDS TOGETHER ARE THE ONLY WORTHY PART OF SEASON 8. everything after that never happened

I already listed Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB) as a top pairing previously but I feel the need to mention it again bc it was for real my OG OTP… LIKE U WANNA TALK ABOUT PINING…. *sobs*

Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) This used to be my fave book series and i loved how their relationship developed over the course of the books

Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) ok can we TALK ABOUT THIS??? They were both badass misfits and they were perfect for each other. But noooo JKR has to announce they marry some nobodies…. this is the only change the last movie did right

Midna/Link (Zelda: Twilight Princess) I honestly have no explanation for this lol

Qui-gon Jinn and Shmi (Star Wars) CAN U IMAGINE if anakin had a proper father figure and didnt have to abandon his mother to slavery

Obi-wan/Satine…. (Star Wars: The clone Wars) we know whats up

OK, to answer some of your other questions: character I hate that others love. HMMMM…….

This one seems too easy/obvious but Professor Snape? Like obviously there’s already a ton of discourse surrounding this but he was gross, mistreated his students for years, committed atrocities, couldn’t get over his high school crush, and we’re supposed to believe he’s a hero in the end and HARRY WOULD NAME HIS SON AFTER HIM….. uh no. “Always” is gross.

I’ve literally been wracking my brain for days and I can’t think of any more characters for this. OK I did some googling and I remembered some LOL.

Ross from friends…. I literally can’t stand him. He’s so entitled and just the worst. He tries to act like he’s the nice, sensitive guy, but really he is so full of himself. Joey on the other hand is portrayed as a womanizer but is actually super sweet and I love him

Archie from Riverdale… I have only seen the first 1.5 seasons ish but he is the worst…. we’re supposed to believe he’s some easygoing musically gifted football player but instead he manages to pull off being bland as heck and actually kind of a terrible garbage person

Nick from chilling adventures of Sabrina. I hate characters that are like hitting on the main character even though she has a bf and are like dark and broody and sexy blah blah blah…. I liked Harvey way better. I never finished season 2 tho

Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time? Idk she was fine she just got old after a while

If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

HM. First, Harry would name his son Remus Rebeus Potter LOL. Ok but real talk there was a headcanon floating around forever ago that Harry should have become a professor at Hogwarts instead of an auror and I am 100% on board

Ok, ok….. what abouuuttt…… OK, is star wars when Han and Leia get together. I like them as a couple, but the entire first half of the movie Han is being such an ass. And when they kiss the first time, he’s being SOOO creepy. It’s like so quintessentially 80s romance. and HERE’S THE THING. They actually filmed (or maybe just wrote?) a version of that scene that WASNT CREEPY. And i’m like WHY DIDNT YOU USE THAT?!? So I like to pretend that’s the version that actually happened.

This part is way harder than the shipping portion. If I think of anything else i’l dm you. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING THIS NOVEL LENGTH POST OF ME RAMBLING ABOUT MY FIXATIONS OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS. If anyone actually read this far, you deserve a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket

[beacon-sanctuary]

Chapter 2: Class decisions and dorm warfare for the win!

introduction, Ch.1

Note to self: next time Bean and Merlin fight, get popcorn, and maybe grab wall rubble, I’m not a hoarder, scouts honor~

     I looked up at the teachers with stars in my eyes, everyone was so cool!  Plus, I got a head pat-so that’s even better!  Ugh, why’d you guys have to make so hard to choose a class, hmmm let’s put our suspects, up shall we?  Looking at the professors, I saw the grumpy Alchemist guy, his pale wood patterned skin shone in the lights above as once more those dang amber eyes of his bore into my mind.  Like chill man, how can putting a baton in your jacket be mind warfare?!  Huff, he looked so cool during the show but ehhh, too strict for me.  

 Well, Rasputin’s a no I guess, number 2, Louis Armstrong, seems like a fun guy, buuut I have no musical talent, got two left feet, voice sounds like a banshee bleh, ain’t a good fit.  It’s not you Louis it’s me, sorry man. Onto suspect 3, Hobo Billy the kid, chill, kinda dusty, but I’m not stealthy, wouldn’t have light-up shoes if I was after all.  Suspect 4 come on down!  Here we have Joan of Arc, awesome sword wielder and dealer of cherished head pats, 9/10 we might have a winner here people.

 Now onto suspe-oh no megaphone man’s back, just in case, I pulled my beanie over my ears, no hearing loss for me.  

 “Ah, jolly good show everyone!  It was quite a sight to see, I must say, now children, if that display did not solidify your choice-well buck up!  We’ve decided to allow our professors the chance to remind you of their profession and the meaning behind each class!  And remember no class is better or worse than the ot-”

 “Guerillas are best, don’t listen to the loudspeaker” Izusa jabbed in

 “Heheheh, Izusa I am glad for your class pride still runs deep, but we are headmasters, after all, we need to be unbiased!  Let our bright youths decide for themselves!”

 “Unbiased, you have your freaking Knight necktie on” She fired back motioning to his stripped blue silver tie which he straightened. 

 “Well, of course, one must never forget their roots after all, and even though I myself favored our knights here, this is not-” Before he could finish, a sharp  “Shush” interjected.  Professor Blum strode forward hand massaging his temple.

 “If we listen to this squabble any longer, we shall not move anywhere, and I would like to return to my facility before night comes if you don’t mind.” Fixing his overcoat, the amber eyes of the earth magi quickly returned to the crowd, piercing them with a cool stare as he began to speak once more.

 “To you lot” he admonished us snapping his arm, “Listen well, for I shall only say this once.  Despite what the news or the media has led you to believe, Alchemists are those who study and pick apart the gears of magic and the world for all its worth.”  When he said news and media he spat out each word as if it were venom in his mouth, and as he began to go on, the methodical style of his speech began to ebb more into a stately passion. 

 “We are no mere scientists, we are alchemists! The fusion of creativity and scientific reasoning to understand, this little thing we call magic.  Despite the moniker of “Youngest class,” Human, Magi, or whatever in between that’s shuffled about on this rock has always been curious of this force in our world.  Whether you trace our origins to the wizards and warlocks of old, or to the Alchemists of which we’ve gained our title, we are both and neither of our predecessors!” 

      Pacing a bit, he calmed his voice back down as he continued on, “Were our ancestors simply explored the capabilities or tried to pick apart magic for their own uses, we have a different goal.  We carry the light of knowledge, illuminating the unknown for our fellow people so that they may find comfort in said findings.  If you choose this path, burn this into your mind! If you have no passion or hunger for finding the secrets of magic and our world, then as soon as you enter my facility, you. shall. be. Gone!  I do not want to hear your complaining, “Oh it’s too hard,” or, “ Oh, it’s too boring” for if I see one hint of uninterest in your eyes, I'll throw you out myself! For if you have no passion or drive in your field what is the point of you?  Now then,”  

 After a long sigh, he quietly composed himself, “if you feel this is right for you, step forward now.” he crooned out. And to my left, I felt a rustle beside me Orion groaned up and walked towards the old magi, he gave me a two-finger salute and lazily walked forward.  And as everyone saw him go, bit by bit more people stood in front of Rasputin, as each was handed some black clothes in a bag.  And as if on cue, a sharp whistle broke the silence, bringing all our eyes on Billy the kid.

 “Alright, kiddos eyes on me for a sec’. Thanks to ole grandpa given that essay, I’ll be straight with ya.  Guerillas are the rebels, outlaws, anarchists, or whatever they call us now.  Where there's some rules we break 'em, were there's laws we go past 'em. We be the judge of those in power, that roarin' flame under they feet that keep our leaders in check. And if they go too far, well, this lil' fire finna burst into an inferno I'll promise ya that.  If ya got freedom and rebellion in ya chest. We yo people, see a riot, we in there, see a protest, we in there, and if you see a revolution? Hoo boy, you sure as heck know we in there! We carry the light of freedom and change, always there to stop a leader if they go too far and if they do, we gon' hold 'em accountable and make somethin' new.  If my words struck home, we be happy to have ya, welcome to the family kiddos.” legs dangling over the stage the professor watched as the future Guerillas approached, heck even one girl flew up and gave a high five to him.  Thanks to her wings, she was an air magi, had some golden-brown wings and storm grey hair, and perched atop the stage as her classmates rushed up too.

             At my right, I heard a grunt as freaking Joan of Arc hopped off her pommel and kicked the sword in her hand like it was nothing!  Yup, definitely joining her I don’t care what anyone says-Imma be a knight!

 “Heh, alrighty, may as well start, hmph” She grunted, holding her sword in a rigid pose.  If I’m being honest her face looked like she was constipated “to be a knight you be gallant, focused measured precise and powerful, my children take up arms your calling is nye it is time for a crusade!  We shall take back the holy land,Deus vult, DEUS VU-pfffft, heheheh, sorry I had to” she chuckled leaning on her sheath “Oh, that never gets old, ok serious time now” she took in a breath to speak but

 “Ah, it seems the impossible did happen, you being serious” Rasputin interjected walking past her, to this he received a light snicker

 “Listen I can be serious sometimes, on occasion, when I feel like it, every few years.  But, as I was saying before mister essay interrupted me, Knights are old as heck alright, we’re the first beacons, defend people for generations, all that good stuff.  But just cause we got knight in our name, don’t mean we’re Chivalrous, glistening warriors who vanquish evil to the ends of the earth that’s only a third of the pie, we’re not just warriors, we’re healers and guardians kids.  The sword, shield, and healing hand, we become that light.  We guard against the dark and give people a haven.  In more than one way!  So,” she said resting her sword over her shoulders,

“If you want to be a knight, grab some chainmail and a tunic from the stage and come to my class tomorrow.  I’d be happy to have you” She winked strolling out.  Yeeep, I’m all in let’s freaking go!  I cheered in my mind, but I had a feeling I had a dopey smile on my face all the same.

             After that, not much else happened, learned about the other two classes, Artificers, basically artists, builders, and all that fun stuff that entertains or helps people. And seekers, explorers, and stuff, always run headfirst into the unknown and hard to pin down.  But by the end I got some bag of clothes and a rune stone. It was a smooth navy-blue rock with a messed-up F burnt into it.  It felt warm and hummed a bit in my hand as I turned a bit, it was like a weird magic compass to my dorm I guess, this is so cool!  Welp, into your prison-I mean my bag little guy.  As I was putting my stone back in my bag, a gun shot made me nearly drop it on the ground.

 “Gah!  what is this, give Eir a heart attack day?!” I mumbled clamping my stone as Headmaster Ortiz cleared his throat.

 “Knights, Alchemists, Seekers, Guerillas, and Artificers, thank you all for continuing in the protection of Human-Magi kind.  This is the first step of your journey as Beacons!  For even having the courage to step up this far, you should be proud!  Bully indeed for you!  I already can see great potential in all of you, all I can say is good luck, and may your lights always shine bright.” He finished his final speech and gave us all a hearty laugh and warm smile before walking into the back as Izusa made her way to speak.

 “Alright Torches, like the headmaster megaphone said, this is your start, remember you all wanted this, so get ready, tomorrow starts four years of hell, have fun~” she sang away into the darkness from whence she came.

             After the speeches of fluff and doom we all dispersed to our new dorms, which for some freaking reason was on the of the fort!  School’s in the middle, makes sense, access to everything, but the dorms. At the very edge of the freaking coast, who designed this and where can I smack them with my bag?  I’m going helicopter them so bad won’t know what hit them.  But still, I walked to my dorm.  Weird F rune dash 5 as the stone in my hand vibrated more and more the closer I got to my door.  The jade-gold rune patterned carpet sat atop a shining wood floor and the air had a scent of strangely chocolate, and fire?  

 “Who’s burning something?” I thought aloud, but right as the words came out of my mouth, the wall right across from me shattered as a flaming girl bulldozed through while a hand patted me on the head.  Whirling my head from side to side I saw Orion standing besides me snickering at the dragon girl.  She had two jagged black horns sticking out of her messy flame like curls.  She was short but had a stocky frame, I think I even saw a few muscles if I’m being honest.  And as I saw her gold eyes stare daggers at Orion(nickname still pending) a wicked smile seared across her face, disrupting the red scales upon her cheeks.

 “Orio get back over here so I can hit ya!” She growled in her rough voice, to which Orion strolled across from me with a playful shrug

 “nahhh, don’t really feel like it sunflower, good offer though, you’re getting’ better at em, I’m proud!”

 “Tsk, I told ya before, I ain’t no little flower, I am the sun!” she yelled crouching down for probably another charge.  Orion chuckled as he held his free hand at his ear

 “Uh, say that again white dwarf, I ain’t hear ya~” he teased, and at that my eyes even glared at him,

 “Please don’t my ears have suffered enough for a day!” I groaned,

       But as at the girl, it seemed like she physically had a tick mark on her head as the whole room heated up to 90 degrees. I had to take off my hat and fan myself, what the freak did he say to make her that mad? But unfortunately, I got no answer as the girl barreled forward with a battle cry.  Careening towards Orion before I saw him poof out of existence in a blue flash before reappearing behind the solar magi.  He placed a hand on her back and caused it to steam, but what instantly caught my attention was two words that slithered from his mouth.

 “Liga Hostem” he said, and yanked his hand back as multiple black and blue chains wrapped around the girl, battling against the fire and the light she gave off.  Making the hallway as wicked battle of heat and cold. Gasping from excitement I rapidly said

 “You used a binding spell!  It’s not the full incantation but that’s still awesome!  Wait, your element doesn’t usually go into that unle-“

 “let’s save this for later, I ain’t tryin’ be bbq magi over here”  to further his point the girl took in a deep breath and bellowed out a stream of flames in the boy’s direction, cursing under his breath Orion slammed his hand on the ground and cried

 “Fortifico!” as a black and blue hexagon of swirling void, blocked the incoming flames, and as soon as the barrier was released, the girl charged forward with an knee aimed at Orion’s fac, he rolled back and threw a punch at her stomach, but she brushed it to the side.  Back and forth they parried and dodged each other’s blows like clockwork.  Oh I wish I had popcorn, this is so good, but sadly before the fight could continue, the door behind me slammed open as I saw a baby face looking Asian guy with, a long, rat tail… Oh its him, time to give him a piece of my wait why is he my dorm mate?!

 “QUIET” the pale faced boy roared, on his face was now a pair of jade, metallic looking goggles, and as soon as he looked at the two magi his face grew a face of sheer disgust. “Ugh, just typical of their kind, arrogant and loud beyond measure. You two, cease this disturbance immediately, I am trying to work. “ he screamed in his childlike voice waving a large wrench at the two.

 “Hey, angery baby man, shush.” Said angery baby man looked agasp and was about to say something before I said

“Oi, ya owe me an apology from earlier, what was your deal?” I demaded looking over my shoulder

 “just my luck, of course I’m roomed with you of all people.” He rolled his eyes

 “Me of all people?!  Square up baby man, lets go!”

 “First of all, I am not, a baby man.  My name is Lin Su-Wang, and I am not fighting a munchkin.”

             And this is how this went for like thirty minutes, four people either fighting or yelling at each other before, nothing, I really can’t remember what happened afterwards, only thing is I woke up with a pain in my neck for some reason.  Weird, buuut yeah, this was one interesting first day.

 Day one-completed! :)

[drowning-in-dennor]

Answers

The gang's all here to answer your burning questions! Whether it’s the Oxenstiernas or the Wangs, or your favourite couples, they’re ready to face whatever inquiries you might have! [Written to celebrate two hundred and fifty followers.]

Question One: Literally anything about Bogden please uwu

Bogden: ...this isn’t really a question.

[Aleksander claps Bogden on the shoulder.]

Aleksander: Oh, whatever, just be glad we’re getting attention!

Bogden: Well, okay, but this is pretty weird. I mean, do they want to hear about my personal life, or my relationships, or -

[Aleksander muffles Bogden’s mouth with his hand.]

Aleksander: HIS MIDDLE NAME IS BORIS AND HIS BIRTHDAY IS THE THIRD OF MARCH ALSO HE REALLY LIKES YOGHURT AND HE REALLY LIKES ROSES AND ROSE-FLAVOURED STUFF OH AND HE HAS A PET BUNNY, IS THAT ENOUGH INFO?

Question Two: So what does the butter boy love doing the most with Henrik?

Stellan: I assume I’m ‘the butter boy’.

Henrik, sarcastically: Oh, no, I’m sure it’s Harald, or anyone but the one who stress-baked six hundred butter cookies after a final one day and mailed them to every person in the city!

[Stellan kicks Henrik under the table.]

Stellan: Well, to answer your question, I just love it when we cuddle while watching the sunset. We’re usually sitting outside, in this rocking swing we have in our front yard, watching the sky get painted all these pretty colours. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world to be able to see something so lovely with the person you care for the most.

[Henrik turns red.]

Henrik: Y-Yeah, those are really happy times. Holy fuck, I love you so much.

Question Three: What does Berwald like doing with Henrik?

Berwald: Fighting.

Henrik: Sometimes we just crack open a beer and talk about our husbands because we’re both awesomely lucky men. Then Stell has to pick me up the next morning while I’m hungover.

Berwald: Or we design some furniture together.

Henrik: We used to assemble IKEA stuff together until that time I screwed the legs of a chair on wrong and accidentally created a monster.

Question Four: Harald, how do you feel about Henrik and Stellan’s relationship?

Harald: When they got together all those years ago, I was too young to remember much, but when I got older and they got sappier, it was pretty annoying. Like, I’d be having breakfast, and they’d be across the table cuddling or something.

Stellan: Were we that bad?

[Harald crosses his arms.]

Harald: Yes, you were that bad. When you started high school it got even more annoying, because you two would be fucking like rabbits while poor me was right next door.

Henrik: Oh, yeah! We were pretty loud, huh?

Harald: Now, though, they have their own house, so I don’t really care. I get a cool brother-in-law, and Stell has a husband. Works out for both of us.

Question Five, from @kyrakira: What wouwd Stewwan wike mowwe? a pwug ow a couch owo?

[Stellan falls off his chair.]

[Henrik slams his fist on the table and bursts into laughter.]

Stellan, climbing back onto his chair: First of all, I hate how I understand what you’re saying. Second of all, I’d say the plug.

Henrik: HOLY -

Stellan: Fucking a piece of furniture is not as pleasant as it sounds, kids. Don’t try it at home.

Question Six: To Agata: sweet mother, I cannot focus; slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl, how not die?

Agata: Nothing you can do about it. You will look at your pretty girl, and you will have an internal heart attack.

[Tille giggles.]

Agata: You know how I met Tille? I was riding my bike, I saw her. She was pretty. I hit her with my bike.

Tille: You cried, you big kitty cat.

Agata: Yes, I cried. I was overwhelmed by your beauty.

Tille: Aww.

Agata: So, you see a pretty girl, you’re helpless to her charms. Too bad. I can’t help.

Question Seven: How close and warm are y'all nordicks? óuò

Henrik: ...I assume that means us?

[Harald cringes.]

Harald: What the hell is that cursed emoji?

Berwald: You mean emoticon.

Harald: Whatever.

Tino: To answer your question, we go over to each others’ houses for dinner every Friday! Sometimes we do it with Leon’s family, too.

Henrik: It’s really awesome! But when Stellan gets a little too competitive with Vicente, things can get, er, messy.

[Stellan throws up his hands.]

Stellan: The egg tart situation was one time, Henrik! ONE TIME!

Question Eight: To any of you, when was the last time you cried in front of a lot of people? 

Antonio: Gilbert made a face at me in the middle of a presentation, and I laughed so hard I cried.

Ludwig: Pochi...

[Ludwig buries his face in his hands.]

Ludwig: Pochi just tottered up to me and jumped in my lap. It was adorable.

Kiku: Then I cried because Pochi betrayed me for him.

Feliciano: Then I cried because Tama scratched me. I still have the scar.

Question Nine: Harald, out of everyone in your family, who's death would you find most disturbing and why?

[Harald’s eyes widen.]

Harald: Why would you ask something like that? What on earth is wrong with you? Any of their deaths would be disturbing, by the way. I don’t think I could ever bear to see any of them die before me.

[He sniffles and reaches in his pocket for a tissue.]

[Henrik jumps, scowling darkly.]

Henrik: Okay, who made Harald cry?

Harald: Wait —

[Stellan joins Henrik and raises a fist.]

Stellan: They’ll have hell to pay for this.

Harald: ...I love you guys.

Question Ten: Henrik and Stellan, how are your relationships with your parents?

Henrik: Oh, we get along just fine! They were a little shocked when I brought Stellan home for the first time, but not any more. 

Stellan: Between Henrik and Leon, mine have, well, resigned themselves to the fact that they most likely will not have biological grandchildren.

Henrik: We’re not sure if we’re gonna adopt just yet, but if we do, I’m sure our folks would be thrilled!

Question Eleven: To Al, Matt, Arthur, Francis, Ivan and Yao, what are your favorite memories about school?

Yao: Well, it has to be every prize-presentation ceremony at the end of each year. I went on stage every time!

Alfred: Yo, stop flexing, we know you’re a genius already.

[Arthur smiles, clearly lost in his memories.]

Arthur: My time at the school’s literature club was truly unforgettable. I was the president, if you must know, and I finally got an excuse to hide in the library all the time and read.

[Francis laughs.]

Francis: Ah, surely I thought your dearest memory would be of that one time you thought you were carrying around a copy of Pride and Prejudice, but was in reality holding a very saucy volume of Victorian er —

Arthur: HEY, ALFRED! You never told us about your favourite memory!

[Alfred jumps, accidentally smacking Yao on the shoulder. Yao gives him a withering glare.]

Alfred: Oh, yeah. It’s got to be when the soccer team won the last game of the semester, in my senior year! Dang, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

Matthew: And speaking of competitions, when I got first place in the school’s public speaking competition in grade seven, I completely lost it.

Alfred: You screamed, then hugged me so tightly I saw spots afterwards.

Matthew: I’ll never forget how it felt to win something for the first time.

Francis: My time with Yao in our school’s cooking club was magnificent. Yao, my friend, do you remember the mooncake project?

[Yao perks up.]

Yao: Yes, when we experimented to see how to make mooncakes less oily? That was fun. I still use that recipe to make mooncakes now. 

Matthew: Hey Ivan, you haven’t talked yet. What’s your favourite memory?

Ivan: My favourite memory? Let me think, now...

[Ivan taps his chin.]

Ivan: Meeting you all at the very start of the year, that was amazing.

Alfred: Oh, you big teddy bear!

Arthur: We love you too.

[The six of them collapse in a group hug. The sound of chairs falling fills the room.]

Question Twelve: Out of everyone, who was a dropout and who finished college?

Alfred: I, uh, never went to college. Just decided to go “fuck the system” and started a food cart that I still wheel around the States. If you wanna see me, look for Stars and Stripes!

Matthew: Like Francis, I survived culinary school, but unlike Francis, I only got a degree in the pastry arts.

[Francis rubs his temples.]

Francis: None of you have ever experienced pain until you’ve been through egg day. Nine hundred eggs, all gone to waste because the Chef thought they were bad!

Arthur: I got my degree in English literature at Oxford, and to this day I’m still surprised that I managed to get in.

Yao: I have a degree in medicine, but it’s pretty useless since I run my diner now. By the way, check out Wang’s if you have the time!

[Ivan rubs the back of his head sheepishly.]

Ivan: I got arrested in the middle of college. Now, I just help my sister run her store!

Feliciano: Kiku and I both went to art school! I went to culinary school with Francis after that, though.

Kiku: My student loans haunt me to this day.

Ludwig: It surprises a lot of people, but I dropped out of college while Gilbert’s the one with the degree. 

Henrik: I went to a super-obscure course, namely the textile arts. Most people don’t even know it’s a degree!

Stellan: I got a degree in creative writing at John Hopkins in the US.

Berwald: Went to trade school.

Tino: I don’t really remember much about college. I just remember a lot of coffee, screaming and complaining.

Question Thirteen: What do you love most about yourself, Henrik, Berwald and Stellan? uwu

Stellan: The next person to use “uwu” will have their spleens removed.

Berwald: Very threatening.

Henrik: Well, what I wuv mowost abowouwut mwysewelf is howow I’m able to awways pwiss owoff my bowoyfewnd!

Berwald: What.

[Stellan gets up.]

Stellan: I love you, but say “uwu” again and you’re sleeping on the couch.

Henrik: Why, uwu?

Stellan: OH, THAT’S IT —

[Henrik flees from Stellan.]

Berwald: I love that I married a sane person.

Question Fourteen: Why do you like your best friend, Tino? 3:

Tino: Oh you mean Ed? Well, we’ve been friends since forever, first of all, and we’ve stuck together no matter what! He’s helped me with homework and bullies and all that stuff since we were kids, and I’ve done the same. Best of all, he encouraged me to ask Berwald out, and thanks to him I now have an awesome husband!

[Nearby, Eduard is sobbing.]

Eduard: I love you too!

Question Fifteen: If a=b, multiply by a to get a²=ab, subtract b² to get a²-b²=ab-b², factor them (a+b)(a-b)=b(a-b), cancel a-b, and since a=b the equation is now 2b=b or 2=1; why does math exist? @the Wangs

Leon: ...what?

Vicente: I think I lost half my brain cells just by reading that.

Ling: This is bringing back trauma from school, and that question doesn’t even make sense.

Yao: I’m too old for this crap.

Leon: But to answer your question, math exists because once upon a time some asshole decided to invent numbers and make our lives difficult.

Ling: Seconded.

Vicente: Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to make dinner.

Question Sixteen: Stellan, what's the most difficult decision you've had to make to see your dreams come true?

Stellan: Ohhh, that’s a hard one. I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices to become the person I am today. But if I had to pick, it’d be picking John Hopkins over Oslo Uni, and leaving Harald and Henrik behind. It was worth it, though, since now I’m happy and successful and I can’t have asked for more.

Harald: Aww, I love you too, you bastard.

Question Seventeen: Which family does Peter belong to?

Arthur: He lives with the Oxenstiernas, which is fine with both of us.

Tino: Artie couldn’t handle Peter after his parents passed, so it started out with Ber just babysitting him. But after the two of us got married, Arthur decided to put Peter up for adoption so he could become our son!

Niklas: It was a great decision.

Berwald: What?

Niklas: I mean, it was a terrible decision because now I’m stuck with an awesome — er, annoying — brother for the rest of my life.

Question Eighteen: What do you think is the best thing about your personality, Berwald?

Berwald: Uh...

[He stares off into the distance.]

Berwald: Uhhh...

Tino: Well, I love how everyone’s so intimidated by you, but you’re so snuggly and sweet in reality! 

[Berwald appears to stop breathing.]

Berwald: Thanks.

Question Nineteen: To Alfred, Gilbert and Henrik: what’s the dumbest yet smartest thing you’ve ever done?

Alfred: Dang, that’s a hard one. I’d say the time we threw a dictionary out of the car window, just because.

Gilbert: No, the time we put a block of frozen maple syrup into Matt’s showerhead. But then we got yelled at, so maybe not.

Henrik: How about when we tried to brûlée salt and set off the fire alarm?

[The three of them consider.]

Gilbert: Yoo, what about the frying pan thing?

Henrik: Oh, riiiiight, the frying pan thing!

Alfred: So basically, we put a frying pan on the heart for too long and it melted. Then it turned out that the frying pan was made with unsafe material! That’s kinda smart, I guess.

Question Twenty: Which one of you (anyone ig) has a choking fetish?

[The entire room erupts into chaos.]

Harald: OH MY GOODNESS!

Leon: Who the hell asked this!?

Alfred: You know what? Y’all need Jesus.

[Someone hits the camera and it switches off.]

...

A/N: Yes I know I’m very unfunny but I hope this was at least the tiniest bit fun to read

[drlauralwalsh]

The Lusty World of Lesbian Widows

I’m really frustrated that COVID has gotten in the way of my grief achievements.  I figured 3 months in, I’d be doing the television talk show circuit, sold my book, and set up a non-profit foundation.  If only this pandemic hadn’t gotten in my way.

In my life before, if I spent too much time alone (like, over 4 hours), I’d start texting my sister-in-law that I was unsupervised and feral.  Uh oh.  I’d start going down rabbit holes and come up with weird stuff like how buff male kangaroos get.  Or questioning if my parents were really married since I couldn’t find a record of their union in the limited online databases. I could have paid for real records but I’m cheap.  I know, sounds crazy.  

But now, I’m alone for long stretches of time.  I’ve managed to channel some of this agitated energy into writing essays that speak to weirdos like me (shout out to my fellow weirdos!).  I spend hours researching (me-searching as we said in grad school) and discovering overachieving methods to dam the waters of my new spouse-less life.

I’m not just your average widow.  Oh no no no.  Of course, I have to be special so allow me to tack on some extra layers - lesbian, stepmom, and young (-ish, right?).  At 45, I have finally found a way to inch back towards the youth and relevance lost as you enter the fourth decade of life.  Today, I’d like to let you into the wonders of lesbianism.

I’m going to assume you’re not submerged in this subculture so I’ll tell you some secrets.  People are fascinated by lesbians.  To be fair, we live pretty mysterious lives.  We leave you hanging on profound questions like who takes out the trash and how do they have sex without a woody woodpecker? Sometimes, other communities get lumped in with us but they are actually quite different.  Of these witches, spinsters, and women who wear comfortable shoes, I only belong to only one of those so far.  I’m working on my stovetop skills and hope to someday conjure a penis.  Not a real one; that would be weird.

Amazon’s book market best represents the variable interests of our fan club members.  Right after my wife died, I launched a search for books on “lesbian widows.”  You’d think the algorithms would have pegged me by now (ha ha).  I was dismayed yet amused by the grand interpretation of what Amazon thought I meant.  The following is an unedited list of the top books recommended for me to purchase under these auspicious terms:

Lesbian Widows: Invisible Grief

by Victoria Whipple (Kindle $25.98, Paperback $46.95, Hardcover $907.71)

I’m impressed that the first one actually included my search terms but dang, it’s expensive to be a lesbian widow.  To be fair, you can rent it for $9.21 a month.  It’s also terribly niche within an already  small niche - invisible lesbian widows?  Published in 2014, you’d think it would be a little more hip.  Maybe it’s because I live in Chicago but even as an introvert, I’m decently visible.  Still, glad it exists and appeals to all eight people who each gave it a 5-star rating.

The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows: Feminine Pursuits

by Olivia Waite (Kindle $3.99, Paperback $6.99)

I must quote the basic plot description for you to get the full impact of this novel: “The last thing the widow wants is to be the victim of a thousand bees. But when a beautiful beekeeper arrives to take care of the pests, Agatha may be in danger of being stung by something far more dangerous…”  The cover depicts said wapish widow sit/leaning against her handsome, pants suit-clad beekeeper.  At the much less expensive price for kindle and paperback, I’m only slightly put off by labeling bees as pests.

Odd women?: Spinsters, lesbians and widows in British women's fiction, 1850s–1930s

by Emma Liggins (Kindle $73.24, Hardcover $95.00)

The period is a little off but at least it includes diverse, international women.  I was looking for a self help book but this seems slightly more academic.  Not sure why there’s a question mark in the title as there’s no question about our oddity.  The description reads, “Women outside heterosexual marriage in this period were seen as abnormal, superfluous, incomplete and threatening, yet were also hailed as ‘women of the future’.”  Aw shucks, I *am* ahead of my time.  Dang that price tag!  No renting option for this one.

The Grass Widow

by Nanci Little (Kindle $0.00, Paperback $14.95)

It’s unclear where we’ll find the lesbian widow in this 2010 novel but the description yields some mild foreshadowing: “As a familiar civilization fades into the distance, she is nineteen, unmarried and pregnant, and has no reason to think that the year 1876 won't be her last...Joss, in her brother's clothes and severely lacking in social graces, has no time to mollycoddle a pampered, pregnant New England lady. It's work or starve, literally. There are no servants, no laborers - just a failing farm, impending winter and the two of them to face it together.”  It sounds like the shameless Joss needs her own dose of mollycoddling (wink, wink) to get through the chilly nights.

Her Widow

by Joan Alden (Paperback $18.00)

More popular with 10 people giving it an almost stellar rating, this tomb’s immodest summary insists it belongs on every bookshelf.  YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO US!  That’s how I read it.  Seriously, of all the books this one comes the closest to what I actually wanted.  Waiting for the kindle unlimited edition….(having no man money makes us frugal).

Made For You 3

by K. Shantel (Kindle $4.99)

Apparently, Made For You 1 and 2 were not as popular. Despite the fair price, this tale omits widows opting for the groundbreaking combination of lesbian romance and football.  While tragedy surely threads through this plot, it falls short of crossing the threshold from football to death (it probably does).  Shocker, I defy the sporty lesbian trope and instead prefer to spend time among my vast, treasured collection of power tools.  Just to be clear, I mean the ones for home repair (get your mind out of the gutter!)  If the lady protagonists of this book had been thrown together building a Habitat for Humanity house with their 10 dogs using only their Subaru to transport lumber, I might be more captivated.

The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics, Book 1 of 1: Feminine Pursuits Series

by Olivia Waite (Kindle $3.99, Paperback $6.99)

I’ll give the author the benefit of believing there are more to come in the series. The title of this one intrigues me (I may steal it later) but sadly, it also defaults to worn stereotypes.  This collection of lesbian tropes finds my kin scoring yet another toaster for the conversion of a hapless straight lady.  Lesbians for the win!  Lady Reads-A-Lot gave it 5 stars and commented, “This was poetic and lovely, full of beautiful descriptions that knew exactly how to leave you breathless and then stop just before tipping into tedious.”  I’m guessing she means the sex scenes?  If you’ve ever watched any real lesbian porn, you know that it’s far better for the participants than the viewers.

Erotica: The Forbidden Adventures Of A Grieving Widow (Seduction, Lust, Lesbian Sex, Interracial Sex, Bondage and More)

by Amy King (Kindle $0.00)

This one is hands down, my favorite title and you can’t beat the price.  The author keeps the marketing short to sell you her novel: “All Ava wanted was to erase the memory of her recently departed husband. Little did she know that in trying to do so, she would experience mind-blowing adventures and lust across the globe. Ava would never be the same again as she ravenously eats up whatever adventure blows her way.”  Even though it’s another toaster novel, as a grieving widow ‘ravenously eats up’ does resonate.  I don’t think she means jars of cookie butter.

Of the eight masterpieces on the list, five are romance novels, one is academic, and two are in the ballpark (excuse the sports metaphor).  Scrolling further only yields more erotica including another novel titled, “Football Widows (lesbian)” by Amanda Mann and Deadlier Than the Male Publications.  Now I get it that we make up a small percentage of the population but this is some seriously messed up shit.  

Removing the lesbian and searching only for ‘widow’ yields twenty pages of books. I know what you’re thinking - “C’mon Laura, what’s the big deal?  Just get the standard widow book.”  And believe me, I’ve amassed quite the collection and am waiting for just the right intersection of not too devastated but ready to sob.  Bear with me for a sec - think about how we just want to be seen when we’re at our lowest.  When I first typed those words into the search bar, I just wanted something that used wife instead of husband.  

Every grief has specific salient elements and it’s too super niche to touch on all at the same time.  It would be weird and/or maybe nice to find another lesbian widow stepmom psychologist who lost her cop wife of almost 5 years to a PTSD-induced psychotic break and suicide.  That’s a Subaru full of identities.  If this person did exist, I’d be suspicious we’re the target on Incel trolls, longing to read the words of more seductive, witchy lesbians.  Instead, I plan on taking the high road.  I’ll get my knowledge and support from those who accept me by the category.  Obviously, one out of one lezzies agree there’s a market for lesbian widow self help guides - at the right price.  I may still write that book but if I want to get rich, I’ll definitely have to add more sex scenes.

[drummergirl231-2]

Are there any characters you are hoping to see in season 3 and or any actors you would enjoy guest starring? Personally I hope we are getting Daisy.

*deep inhale*

YAS OMIGOSH I WANNA SEE DAISY I WANT HER AND DONALD TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP I WANT HER AND DELLA TO GET ALONG SUPER WELL AND I WANT DAISY TO BE THE MOST EPIC AND BA GIRLY GIRL AND OH MY GOSH I’M LISTENING TO THIS RANDOM YOUTUBE PLAYLIST AND IT JUST STARTED PLAYING A SONG THAT REMINDS ME OF DONALD AND DAISY AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

*clears throat*

I imagine Tress MacNeille will still voice her, but I’m having a hard time imagining Daisy with her usual voice not sounding shallow, since so many shows and movies have made her a ditsy drama queen. The only awesome Daisy I’ve ever known was voiced by Kath Soucie in Quack Pack. It’d be a shame not to have Daisy’s official voice actress since the late ‘90s voicing her, though. 

Also, here are a few other people I’d like to see or learn about:

1. HDL’s Father

Frank said they’re primarily working from the Don Rosa Duck family tree, and while Don Rosa didn’t give the father a first name, he did say Della’s husband was Daisy Duck’s brother, which to me makes a lot of sense. I wonder if the show is gonna go with that?

And would it mean DT17 Donald has already met DT17 Daisy? That they knew each other back when Della and what’s-his-face’s-name were together? Did Donald like Daisy but not have the guts to ask her out back then? Did they date but go their separate ways because they both had different plans for their lives and they weren’t sure how to make their dreams work together at the time?

I am so in Donsy mode right now.

But I’m really curious about Della and what’s-his-face’s-name. Were they newlyweds when he died/disappeared/whatever happened? What was he like? What was their love story? What happened to him? Was it after Della laid the eggs, or while she was gravid? In what ways do the boys take after him?

2. Dickie Duck

Would the show go there? Write in that Scrooge and Goldie once had a lovechild that Scrooge doesn’t know about and doesn’t hear about until Goldie introduces their granddaughter to him? 

Probably... Disney goes a lot of places these days. 

If they introduce Dickie, I wonder if they’ll also introduce her mother? And I wonder how the show would re-imagine Dickie? So many possibilities! 

3. Gosalyn Mallard

Back when we thought Darkwing Duck was just going to be a show within a show, I was trying to figure out where Gosalyn would fit. Would she have been DW’s daughter in the show LP watched growing up? Would that have made the child actress who played her an adult now?

But now that we have our real Drake Mallard, it looks like she’ll fit in quite nicely as his real-life adopted daughter.

Frank answered this ask a while ago, and at first I thought it was going to be about Scrooge and Lena. Now I’m thinkin’ Drake and Gosalyn (though it could be both... I wanna see Scrooge being a daddy to Lena, too). 

I wonder who will voice her since Christine Cavanaugh passed away? I know Nancy Cartwright can do a pretty good Chuckie Finster voice. Maybe she can do a Gosalyn voice, too?

4. Grandma Duck

Traditionally, Donald Duck was raised by his paternal grandmother in comics and such. Since Donald and Della seem to have been raised by Scrooge in DT17 from the time they were five-ish, I wonder what role she had in their lives? Della mentioned her a couple times in DT17 IDW prequel comics, so maybe Scrooge sent them away to her farm now and then? 

5. Hortense and Quackmore

I have SO many headcanons about these two, and they’re probably all wrong, but if they’re not... holy shoot dang.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to finding out more about these two, and what happened to them, and how the heck Hortense got gravid when she was over 100. If they’re keeping her canon birth year like they kept Scrooge’s, she would have hatched the year Scrooge left for America: 1877. And if Donald and Della are in their mid-thirties in 2017, she’d have been over 100 when she had them. 0.o There’s something weird about those McDucks.

6. Matilda

I hope she’s the sweet one like she was in the comics. She was the least temperamental out of the McDuck siblings. I like to imagine she was Scrooge’s favorite sister, being closer to him in age, and I like your idea of her being a scientist. 

7. Abner/Whitewater 

I’m almost scared to see what they’ll do with his design since he was a lumberjack or something and the whole lumberjack look has become... such a look in recent years. XD One day our generation’s children will look at pictures of men from today and grimace the way we look at our fathers’ mullets. lol 

Or maybe Abner will be some kinda wayward son, a little rough around the edges and not at all the cinnamon roll his baby brother Fethry is. I’d love to know more about their brotherly relationship. Also, there were comics where they also had a sister, and that sister had a little boy Fethry wound up taking care of. 

Basically I wanna see the family tree in the show. haha

[petitesimss]

Get to Know Me Tag

I was tagged by the beautiful @timouke to do this challenge so here we go I guess?!

Rules: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions! :)

My Traits: Clumsy, Goofball, and Genius 

(According to other people, I swear I didn't label myself as a genius! xD)

Really quick I would like to go ahead and tag of my FAV simblrs: @mmfinds @stardustsim @blushchat @brindletonsims @mochieo @awsimmer92 @fussysim @simplistic-sims4 @tainoodles and also anyone who wants to do it!

1. What is your full name? Megan :)

2. What is your nickname? Meg (Omg so basic)

3. When is your birthday? October 7th

4. Favorite book series? ‘ARRY POTTER!

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Uhm not aliens but I think some form of ghosts exist. Not necessarily the scary ones xD

6. Favorite author? John Green

7. Favorite Radio Station? I don’t listen to the radio oof

8. What is your favorite flavor of everything? Chocolate or Strawberry!! Mmmm

9. What word will you often use to describe something great or wonderful? Amazing or just a *gasp* noise

10. What is your current favorite song? Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran

11. Favorite word? oof

12. What was the last song you listened to? Currently listening to Pentatonix’s cover of Hallelujah

13. What TV show do you recommend? I am currently obsessed with Vampire Diaries

14. Favorite movie to watch when you’re upset? Omg this is weird but those classic like 2005 Barbie movies always cheer me up

15. Do you play video games? Not really other than sims ofc :P

16. Biggest Fear? Dark Bathrooms (especially the mirrors, its a long story)

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? My drive to work hard or maybe just my general compassion for everyone

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? LAZINESS

19. Cats or dogs? CATS I HAVE THREE

20. Favorite season? Fall because of sweaters and moderately cool weather

21. Are you in a relationship? Oui!

22. Something you miss from your childhood? Barbie Movies

23. Best friend? My boyfriend xD

24. Eye color? Chocolate brown

25. Hair color? Dark brown, black at the roots

26. Who is someone you love? My mother xD

27. Who is someone you trust? My mother

28. Who is someone you think about often? My boyfriend (These answers are so basic oof)

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? IM SEEING THE CRIMES OF GRINDLEWALD TOMORROW

30. Biggest obsession? Cats

31. Favorite TV show as a kid? Probably I-Carly or Hannah Montana

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My boyfriend

33. Are you superstitious? Unintentionally yes

34. Any unusual phobias? Dark bathrooms xD

35. In front of the camera or behind it? Both

36. Favorite Hobby? Sims eek

37. Last book your read? Idk why but I stopped reading and so I have no idea

38. Last movie you watched? Not all of it but some of Pitch Perfect (I’ve already seen the whole thing don't worry)

39. Play an instrument? My voice and also a bit of the keyboard

40. Favorite Animal? Cat.

41. Top five tumblr blogs you follow? ALL OF THEM DANG IT

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Flight!

43. Where and when do you feel the most at peace? At home, sleeping in my bed

44. What makes you smile? Literally life

45. What sports do you play, if any? I’ve been in dance for 13 years

46. Favorite drink? Coca-Cola

47. Last time you wrote a handwritten note or letter to someone? This week actually!

48. Afraid of heights? DUH

49. Biggest pet peeve? SLOW WALKERS JUST WALK PLEASE

50. Ever been to a concert? Yep and I’ve been in several local ones

51. Vegan or Vegetarian? Heck no 

52. What did you want to be when you were little? A pop star xD

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Just. Hogwarts. Always.

54. What is something you worry about? If I am actually liked by people

55. Scared of the dark? Only in bathrooms dude

56. Do you like to sing? YES (Soprano 1 - Mezzo)

57. Ever skipped school? Nope, I’m a good bean

58. Favorite place on the planet? Bed.

59. Where would you like to live? New York or Paris

60. Have any pets? 3 cats (Bella, Possum, and Ty) and also a fish whose name I don't remember

61. Early bird or Night owl? NIGHT OWL

62. Sunrises or Sunsets? I’m gonna go with sunsets

63. Do you know how to drive? I should but I don't xD

64. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds but not the ones you get with an iPhone, those suck!

65. Ever had braces? Three years I think total, and I just had to get a 6 week retainer set to close a small gap that came back :(

66. Favorite genre of music? Pop I guess xD Or musical theater!

67. Who is your hero? My stepdad

68. Do you read comic books? No but my stepdad did xD

69. What makes you the most angry? When people make jokes about things like cancer or diabetes (THEY ARENT FUNNY)

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Definitely a real book, My eyes don't hurt as much plus they smellll soooo goooodd

71. Favorite Subject? English or Science

72. Any siblings? So this is complicated but I have one half brother, a half-step brother, and a half-step sister

73. The last thing you bought? I bought a journal and some bath salts for my friend’s birthday

74. How tall are you? So I used to be 5′2 but every time I go to the doctor they measure me at like 5′1 and I am confusion

75. Can you cook? Yes but I prefer baking

76. Three things you love? My family, my friends, and food (Omg I typed foot at first EEK)

77. Three things you hate? I LITERALLY DONT HATE ANYTHING IM SORRY

78. Do you have more female friends or male friends? Female oof

79. Sexual orientation? Straight But why did you need to know??

80. Where do you currently live? Louisiana OOOF

81. Last person you texted? My boyfriend, specifically “hehehe yess”

82. Last time you cried? Watching “A Walk to Remember” a few weeks ago

83. Favorite youtuber? All of them, rip

84. Do you like to take selfies? Yes but only because I don't like the pictures other people take of me xD

85. Favorite app? BUZZFEED or maybe netflix

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? I love my mom and we are close but me and my biological dad don't talk

87. Favorite foreign accent? FRENCH OR BRITISH

88. Place you’ve never been to but want to visit? Hawaii or Paris

89. Favorite number? 2 but also literally any even number

90. Can you juggle? Who on here can actually juggle cause I want to be your best friend please (so no)

91. Are you religious? I’m supposed to be catholic but I haven't been to church in a while

92. Is outer space or the deep ocean more interesting? The deep ocean because I want to be a mermaid

93. Do you consider yourself a daredevil? No I am the opposite oof

94. Are you allergic to anything? Cats and dogs, pollen, grass, apparently something in the meningitis vaccine (ITS A LONG STORY)

95. Can you curl your tongue? YOU BET I CAN

96. Can you wiggle your ears? No but I can shake my eyes

97. How often do you admit that you’re wrong about something? I am never wrong, ever.

98. The forest or the beach? The beach cause mermaids

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given to you? Do what you love, don’t work for money.

100. Are you a good liar? I am a TERRIBLE liar

101. Hogwarts house? Gryffindor but my hybrid house is Gryffinpuff soooo...

102. Do you talk to yourself? I used to tbh but now I usually just sing to myself

103. Introvert of Extrovert? Extrovert but I love me time

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? No I just deal with my thoughts

105. Do you believe in second chances? Absolutely

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Look for identification in it so I can return it to it’s owner

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Of course!

108 Are you ticklish? VERY

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes, I was on one last weekend

110. Any piercings? Only my basic ear piercings

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Ronald Weasley

112. Any tattoos? No but I wanna get a few small ones later in life

113. Best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Care for others is far more rewarding than wallowing in sadness

114. Do you believe in karma? It depends, really

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I used to wear glasses but since one of my eyes is near sighted and the other is far sighted they balance each other out enough so that I don’t necessarily need them anymore

116. Do you want children? YES LIKE 3-5

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My stepdad

118. Most embarrassing moment? That time I asked my bestfriend at the time’s sister if I could wear a pad on a water slide (IT WAS MY FIRST PERIOD OKAY?)

119. Ever pulled an all-nighter? I’ve made it to 6 am xD

120. What color are most of your clothes? Yellow or pink :P

121. Do you like adventures? PLANNED adventures, yes

122. Ever been on tv? A few times

123. How old are you? 16

124. Favorite quote? But without the dark, we’d never see the stars

125. Sweet or savory foods? SWEEETTT

OML THIS TOOK FOREVER RIP

[firstdove15]

Books I’ve Read Since My Last Reading Slump

Just distracting myself; don’t mind me. XP

1) Your Writing Matters by Keiko O’Leary (Five Stars)

It felt like reading encouragement letters from a friend. The exercise in the beginning even helped me revise a future scene in a fanfic and had me pumped. I even bought another copy for Jon so that he could feel encouraged too with his writing.

2) Flip the Script by Lyla Lee (Four Stars)

I didn’t have as much fun with this book as I did I’ll Be the One, but I’m still very glad I read it. Lyla subverted a favorite trope of mine (faking dating) and, ironically, I’m glad she didn’t follow that trope to the T. I just wished the guy didn’t catch feels at all; more fake dating where the two involved genuinely are friends. No one-sided pining or nothing. XD The actual romance was cute with minimal conflict and I know some people didn’t like that and I understood, but I’m also glad the story overall was a light read.

3) Amari and the Great Game by B.B. Alston (Five Stars)

I finished this book in two and a half days. It was so good. T____T I’m here for all the bonds in this series. All. Of. Them. I seriously can’t wait for Book Three.

4) TJ Powar Has Something to Prove by Jesmeen Kaur Deo (Five Stars)

I anticipated this being a four or five star book and it did not disappoint at all. Given the subject, it hit a little close to home, but I’m glad it exists. So glad.

5) Boys Run the Riot Vol 4 by Keito Gaku (Four Stars)

Could it have run a little longer? Maybe, but I’m glad it ended on a strong note. I think the author told what he wanted to tell and that’s the best you can do with your story; tell it for how long you need to and end it when you’re done. Very optimistic series that doesn’t shy away from the struggles.

6) The Hacienda by Isabel Canas (Four Stars)

Really three and a half but I rounded it for the atmosphere. Plus...I did lose sleep trying to finish so that does mean the book did its job. It was definitely creepy and I felt sorry for what the main character went through. I also loved the nuance with the love interest and the romance itself was tolerable. Not OTP levels for me, but I wasn’t annoyed either.

7) The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (Four Stars)

The ending haunted me. The first half was a bit slow, but dang that atmosphere and using your own imagination for the more dreadful scenes. @___@ Again, the ending haunts me.

Plans for October

1) I was reading Incendiary by Zoraida Cordove, but I’m not really feeling it right now. Not because it’s bad but because I’m really in the mood for other books so I’m putting that one on hold to focus on the ones I really want to read so that’s mainly We’ve Always Lived in a Castle by Shirley Jackson, The Weight of Blood by Tiffany D. Jackson (I remember saying I wasn’t interested a while ago but changed my mind upon reading the synopsis), The Getaway by Lamar Giles, and a thriller called You’re Invited.

2) I already know what I want to do in November and that’s read The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik and, hopefully, start her first series that Twin got me for my birthday (the first three books anyway).

I still don’t think I’m going to make my goal this year and I’m okay with that. This year ended up being more of a year to focus on writing and Korean and, now, Chinese, dramas. It happens. XD

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Whatever It Takes: Part 4

Fandom: Star Wars (High School AU)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Summary: You and Poe are best friends and spend every minute together. Just as you were ready to confess your feelings for him, Miss Popularity, comes in and ruins everything.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Throughout the school day, Rey and Finn had made their best efforts to distract you from Poe and Cheryl. However, it didn’t really help that Cheryl was parading Poe around. It didn’t even look like he was enjoying her company. He looked miserable. 

When lunch time came around, you didn’t have the appetite to eat anything. You pushed your food around just listening to Rey and Finn discuss their plans for homecoming.

“Y/N!” 

Your head shot up, “Huh?”

“I asked if you were going to homecoming.” Finn said.

You frowned, “Oh. Uh, well, Poe and I were gonna go, but...yeah. So I don’t think I’m going anymore.” You mumbled.

Rey shook her head, “Oh no. That won’t do. You’re going! In fact, we’ll all go as a group! Rose, Kaydel, Snap, Jess, and Ben can join us.”

You were hesitant, “I don’t know guys.”

Finn reached over the table and grabbed your hand, “Y/N, come on! It’s our senior year! You have to go! We’ll make you forget all about You-Know-Who!”

“I don’t have a dress.”

“We can go shopping after school! You, me, and Finn!”

Finn grimaced, “Heck no. You’re gonna take longer than usual when we go shopping.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Fine. Whatever. Just you and me. That sound good, Y/N?”

You shrugged, “I guess.” the bell rang signalling the end of lunch which meant that you had five minutes to get to your fifth period. It was psychology, a class that you and Poe shared and, thankfully, Cheryl wasn’t in that class. But still. He probably wouldn’t even give you a glance.

You dragged yourself to class, keeping your head down, avoiding any stares. When you entered the room, you saw a rose and a folded note on your desk. 

You set your things down and picked up the flower. It looked fresh. You then sat down and unfolded the note. It was a screenshot of a online receipt for a homecoming dress that was exactly your size. The order was a long burgundy see-through dress with a mini dress underneath. Underneath the screenshot it read:

Y/N,

Don’t bother going dress shopping. Already got it covered. All you have to do is pick up. You’ll look beautiful. I just know it.

xoxox

You looked around the room to see if anyone was giving an inkling if they were the ones who did this. But you got nothing. You smiled to yourself, thankful you no longer had to go dress shopping anymore. 

Poe watched from the doorway as you sat at your desk smiling at the note and smelling the rose. He mentally high-fived himself as he snuck into class and sat in the back. He felt accomplished. 

“Alright, class! For today’s lesson...”

Once class ended, you hurriedly packed your things and rushed out of class. Luckily, you ran into Rey, “Rey!” with a big smile on your face.

She looked at you with surprise, “Why so happy?” You showed her the rose and the note you received. She frowned, “Well dang! I wish someone bought me my homecoming dress! You got a clue who it could be?”

You shook your head, “I’d say Poe, but we both know I’m not a priority for him anymore. So not sure.”

Rey nudged you, “Ooouuuu! You got a secret admirer!”

You scoffed, “Yeah, right. Like someone would be interested in me.”

“Uh, ‘scuse me! You’re a real catch! Anyone would be lucky to have you!”

“Yeah, but the guy that I want isn’t even talking to me anymore.” you mumbled sadly. 

Rey threw her arm over your shoulders, “Hey! No frowny face! You were happy just a second ago! Anyway, we’re still going shopping after school though.”

“Why?”

“You need shoes and accessories, of course!”

“But do I really though?”

“Yes. Yes, you do.” you giggled at Rey’s fake seriousness and you both walked to your next class together. 

Unknown to you, Poe was walking behind you the entire time listening to your conversation. It was really killing him that he couldn’t talk to you, but dammit, you were still his best friend. He still cared for you and he wanted you to have an amazing time at homecoming!

“Poe! Pooooeee!” he stopped when he heard Cheryl’s shrill voice echo through the busy halls. He turned and frowned to see he “girlfriend” approach him. She pouted, “You weren’t waiting for me after class!”

Poe rolled his eyes, “I wanted to get to my next class early so I could talk to Solo about my history paper.”

“Well, you could’ve texted me that! I looked stupid waiting for you. I’m gonna be late ‘cause of you!”

Poe sighed, “Sorry. I’ll let you know next time.”

As soon as the end of school bell rang, Poe, begrudgingly, got a ride from Cheryl to her place for his suit fitting. He was escorted to a fancy fitting room with a three-paneled mirror and a pedestal. Poe’s suit was set on a mannequin next to Cheryl’s dress: a bright red off the shoulder dress with a slit going down the side. 

The Cooper’s tailor made Poe put on the suit and stand on the pedestal making adjustments to the suit. Cheryl sat in a chair scrolling through her phone, “So, Poe. Homecoming is a month and a half away. My resources tell me that we are already ahead of the other nominees for homecoming queen and king!”

“That’s cool.”

Cheryl rolled her eyes, “You know, maybe I’ll just extend this deal until prom. That’s bigger than homecoming anyways.”

Poe whipped his head towards the red-head, “You wouldn’t dare!”

She shrugged, “If you keep up the attitude, maybe. Not only do we have to look good, we have to act good. It seems I’m the only one making an effort here, Dameron. I want to make sure that I absolutely win Homecoming queen. I don’t want any close calls. Do you understand?”

“Yeah. I’ll try better.”

“No, you will do better. No half-assed jobs. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am.” God, did he wish this nightmare was over.

God, did you wish this nightmare was over. There were so many accessories to choose from! Big statement earrings or studs? Glitter heels or matte? Why are there so many options?!

“What about these?” Rey asked holding up nude heels.

You shrugged, “Those are fine.”

Rey frowned, “You’ve said that about the last five pairs! Ugh, forget it. You’re getting these. Okay! So we have your clutch, your heels, and now jewelry!”

“Reeey! I’m tired! Can we do this another time? I still have homework!”

“Fine, fine!” She handed you the heels and clutch and pushed you towards the cashier.

Afterwards, she drove you straight home. As you approached your door, you spotted a wrapped package hidden behind your dying cactus. You picked it up and looked at it. It was addressed to you. 

You unlocked the door and walked in, tossing your things onto the floor. You toed off your shoes and headed towards the couch, flopping onto it. You carefully unwrapped the package just in case it was something dangerous. Underneath the wrapping was a mini white box. When you lifted the top, you gasped. 

Inside sat a pair of large gold studded earrings and your name spelled out in cursive into a gold necklace. You lifted the box hoping to find a note and you did. It read:

These would look beautiful with your dress. 

xoxoxo

[dekko-61]

The tales of the semi Amazing... SPIDER 🕷 MAN?

New York Surpries Part 3

“Uh, Uncle , Uncle Ben....ugh,wha... who is uncle Ben?”

“Marco? , Marco? , Marco are you awake?”

“Wha... mom.”

“Marco sweaty you were found on the grass outside the house last night, did you stay out too late, you know it was a School night. Did eat too much candy again?”

“Mom what time is it?”

“Eight:fifty one.”

“Oh.... what! How long have I been asleep! Oh my god I’m late!”

“Marco, it’s Eight:fifty one pm.”

“What! I missed School?! Mom you know I love school why didn’t you wake me up?!”

“Marco you were really tired, I tried to wake you. You just wouldn’t budge so I decided to let you get some sleep. I know when my baby’s tired.”

“Ugh Mom!”

“What, embarrassing you already?”

“No no just don’t say that, it sounds weird.”

“You didn’t feel that way when you were five, you loved me calling you my little baby.”

“Mom, please, just wake me up tomorrow....okay.”

“Okay, Marco good night.”

“Good night mom.”

(Mourning)

Spider-Man was swinging across echo greek.

Spider-Man:”woo hoo! Goodmourning America!”

“Good mourning Spider-Man!” Yelled a random Citizen!

Spider-Man:”you too .... hey take it easy!”

Spider-Man then swings towards echo greek high school.

*He lands on top of the school roof*

Spider-Man(Marco):”okay, okay landing check, no one saw you check, now I’ll just ease on to the top floor.”

Marco slowly puts his suit back in his bag before heading to class.

Marco:”Alright another day of school.”

Ferguson:”Marco! Where ya been dude.”

Marco:”oh hey Ferguson. Yeah I had a lot to do last night.”

Ferguson:”really... what was so important that you couldn’t come over to help me with my lego Death Star?”

Marco:”hey dude I’m sorry but I’ve been looking for jobs and well it can be tuff sometimes, no one wants to accept a freashmen year for a junior engineer.”

Ferguson:”Marco you even missed Halloween last night.You couldn’t do a little tricker treating?”

Marco:”nah, sorry man, hey how much candy you got?”

Ferguson:”oh, I don’t know maybe around .... fifty peices!”

Marco:”whoa dude seriously?!”

Ferguson:”yeah man.”

Marco:”wow you gonna share?”

Ferguson:”nope.” Marco:” dang it.”

Ferguson:”that’s what you get for not showing up for halloween or my deathstar.”

Marco:”dude you’ll get over it.”

Meanwhile....

Star gets up instantly gasping in fear.

Star:”wha.... what happened?!”

Captain Stacy:”you blacked out.”

Star:”wha...Uncle?”

Captain Stacy:”Oh good your awake Star you fell asleep on our road trip to oh a little place called California.”

Star:”oh no...

Captain Stacy:”What were you thinking do you know how far california is from here?!”

Star:”um...”

Captain Stacy:”Did You use those sissors to get here?”

Star:”oh no, my friend and I teleported here.” Captain Stacy:”What?” Star:”well you see Spiderman did some weird hand thing and we just appeared here, you know...” captain Stacy:”what?” Star:”I was pretty confused to but...” captain Stacy:”but nothing , do you know how dangerous this city is?” Star:”um?” Captain Stacy pulls over to the side of the long road and pulls out his phone. Captain Stacy:”I’m sure your parents would like to know why you were not in your bed six hours ago.” Star:”Nooooooooo! Noooooo! They’ll send me to saint Olga’s! School for wayward princesses!”

Captain Stacy:”you should have thought of that before you left california!”

IN NEW JERSEY...

We open at an underground bunker leading towards a room complete covered in blue lighting. We pan down to a long table of wood with crimebosses from around the country sitting and conversing about their plans.

Iron Jaw, one of the most powerful men in Chicagos underworld’s drug operations.

Iron Jaw:”we have to take down the Government, one way or another we can create a dictatorship of power under our rule. The People will give us all they have and we can make them work in return,to keep their homes food and shelter.”

Norman Osborn, billionaire of Manhattan New York State and secretly a member of the country’s underworld system.

Norman Osborn:”We can save that plan for another they, but in order to even get close to committing an aqu we must kill the supers, they have been appearing all over New York, Chicago, California and soon no part of the globe will exist without them so I believe we should continue with my Plan known as the Supervillain operation, we create challenges for these heroes and have them distract them from our goals so we may rule!”

*silence surrounded the room*

Kingpin:”Norman I like your thinking I have a certain hero that has been in my and got me locked up a few years ago.”

Norman:”That you have, we must crush these heroes in order for us to win this battle and I know just the two heroes to start with.”

[dramaplustautology]

Samesies

I love Aco and Solan!! I’m like the old person asking them “Hey, dude. What’s going on?” “Teenage Rebellion.” “Hell yeah, stick it to the old people.”

And I’m at a block for writing other things so I did another scenario to freshen up and also have my OC interact with Ryunn’s in a sort of non-canon/AU way? Anyways, Tariche is a doctor that works for the Thorn and the twins visit him.

I’ll have a bio later, probably. (note that ryunn doesn’t have a bio up so this is just my....omg my fanon of them? nice).

3K Words. Book 3

Examining the newly fastened cast on her broken arm, Aco took her attention back to the doctor and his trailing coat.

“What’s that?” She asked him.

“This?” He finished the scribble on the cast. “So many of you come in here broken and squished, I can’t keep track of who has to keep their casts on for how long. And I hate paper work,” The doctor wiggled in his chair, excited over his drawing. “Instead, you all get pictures that I can remember you by. Look, this is you, me, and Solan. All the little hearts around us mean that we’re in love.”

Aco grabbed the doctor’s marker and drew Xs over his doodle version’s eyes.

He gasped, pushing his rolling chair away from Aco with his hands covering his heart.

“Now it’s a doodle of you both thinking how dead cute my corpse looks!” The doctor tsked, wiggling his finger at her. “Naughty children!”

Grabbing his hand, Aco twisted it and pointed at the lapel of his oversized white coat.

“Tariche, I was asking about what this was.”

The Doctor looked down at the crooked name tag Aco was jangling with his own finger.

“Didn’t you know? Tariche is short for Gregor McScully,” Tariche ballooned a cheek and shrugged. “The trendy way of shortening it at least.”

“Is it still cool when all of your fingers are broken?” Aco’s lips twisted into a wicked smile, about to flatten Tariche’s fingers against the back of his hand.

The Doctor leaned forward, placing his chin on his trapped palm, neither pained nor annoyed.

“You tell me, bloodbag. You and your brother still want my poison?” Tariche mirrored Aco’s expression to an impossibly sharp degree. The only difference between them was black to blond and midnight purple to starry golden vista.

That was suspicious.

“Pfft,” Aco made a satisfied noise. She hated having to ask for things, even after all these years of only demands. "This why you always stand to Solan’s right?”

“Nah, he got wise a long time ago. I just do it to keep him on edge.” Tariche slid his chair away and yelped when Solan caught him from behind.

“Your roots are showing,” Solan smirked, spinning the Doctor’s chair and kicking it towards his twin as the ‘blond’ tousled his course hair. “That trendy too?”

If for only a moment, Solan took some gratification from catching their Doctor off guard. The shorty was a lot like his office; filled to the brim with tools and texts too complicated for plebs to understand, stinking with flowery perfume to mask the sterile bitter smell of disinfectant.

Good thing there were two of them, one to distract and the other to take a stab.

“Did you know Gregor?” Tariche asked, having already collected himself by the time his chair reached Aco. He pressed a small case, not unlike a container for spectacles, to Aco’s lap.

“We picked him up from the weenie factory,” Code for blackmailing him into leaving the Rose’s main base of operations to work for the Thorn. Solan went to his sister’s side and the two shared a high five over Tariche’s head. “He used to squeal when I flapped my eyepatch at him.”

Trying to do the same at Tariche got the Doctor to leap up and attempt to stick his finger into the slit. Slapping his eyepatch back on, Solan just about chomped Tariche’s finger off.

“You must be happy then, no more Gregor to bore you and all of Tariche to—“He took a small vial out of his coat, shaking the clear pills inside. “—Help you leave an impression,” The vial disappeared into his sleeve and he stretched out his arm. “For a fair exchange.”

The twins didn’t need to share a glance to sync up.

“How about you trade those for our threats?” Aco leaned her chair on the door leading outside, about to cross her arms behind her head. The cast cracked and she pretended not to notice, letting it rest and using her good arm as a pillow.

“Hey, Theano? Did you know your kids can’t flex on those poor innocent spindly elves without speed and strength boosters?” He pulled his gloves off with his teeth, spitting them into the trash can by Solan’s boots. “Magic boosters?”  

That trash can was sent flying over Tariche’s head, courtesy of Solan stopping himself short of tackling him to the floor.

“You told us they were regular pills.” Aco stood, getting up to circle Tariche’s chair like a lion closing in on a light meal. The Doctor could hear the leather of her gloves stretching from the strain of keeping her hands to herself.

And the Doctor knew why. Aco knew herself, of course. And Tariche always knew the hard facts others grappled with.

“Regular for Lore,” Tariche clarified, tilting his head to the side. “Magic isn’t dead yet. Not that you need magic to dunk my head into an incinerator.”

Suddenly, Solan was right up against Tariche, hauling him out of his spinny chair and smashing him into the wall.

“I could do that without arms.” Solan growled and it sounded like a promise.

“How long would that take? A few hours?” Tariche’s eyes sparkled with literal stars, about to make his pitch. “With a little boost, you could do that in a minute with five inches of dental floss. Wouldn’t that make your murder pageant dad proud?”

Solan thrust the Doctor at the wall, smacking his head for insulting their Commander. All it did was make the stars flash wild.

“You’re not human,” Aco leaned into the exchange, grasping Solan’s shoulder, advising caution with a mere touch. “Typical magic types. You can’t hide your flashy bits even under pain of death.”

“Me? Afraid of my partners in crime? But I trust you so much!”

Trusted them to want his handiwork; that much and more Tariche knew.

The twins glowered, stepping away to let Tariche slide down the wall and back on his feet.

“What’s this then?” Aco asked, raising the rectangular box Tariche had given her.

“How you’re going to pay me this time.” Tariche dusted himself off and made sure to squish between the twins to get by them. He appreciated how hard they made it for him, refusing to budge.

He made it to his desk and pulled open a drawer filled to the brim with glass flasks. The multicolored potions sloshed and he roughly fished through the fragile ware for a particularly bubbly blue one. Swishing the contents around once to get the concoction mostly homogenous, Tariche popped the cork and drowned the drink.

“There’s a syringe inside the box,” Tariche gestured at the container. “That’s the antidote.”

Blinking at him, the twins struggled to understand what the Doctor had done.

“Did you poison yourself?” Solan gaped at the emptied flask.

“This is a new invention of mine. I came up with it all by myself!” Tariche explained, starry eyed again. His audience was captive after all. “It’s strawberry flavored this time but you can slip it into enemy supplies without notice. That’s whole communities if you hit an important well,” He winked and the twins could hear the literal twinkling sound his eyelid made. “There’s some time between ingestion and visible effects that I haven’t figured out yet but it should keep the fair and magic folk alive long enough to find out we have the antidote.”

And that they had to turn themselves into the Rose if they wanted to stay alive.

“Not sure why you want me to give you the antidote but I’d be happy to stab you.” Aco tossed the box and fiddled with the cathartically long needle. Tapping the bubbles out of the barrel on the corner of the cabinet, she playfully aimed it at the most tender part of the good Doctor. It was a hard decision considering how the Doctor was tender everywhere but his heart.

“How nasty are the symptoms?” Solan asked, scratching his chin as he looked Tariche up and down uncomfortably close. He could see the Doctor’s black roots. It seemed that the twins and Tariche shared the same shade of hair. Gross.

“My orifices are going to burn and squirt blood. All that horror stuff to really scare us clean and pretty magic folks, as far as I know,” Tariche tugged on the corner of his eyes to check if it was leaking. His heart was racing from the rush of not knowing for sure. “Luckily, I’m a masochist. You have to be if you want to enjoy getting into medicine.”

Past that, Tariche had nothing to say.

He usually did whenever he had one or both of the twins strapped to a cot, at the mercy of his unending stream of difficult nonsense.

Oddly, neither of the twins were comfortable with the utter quiet. Maybe it was how the Doctor just stared straight ahead, staring at nothing like it was everything on the page of a novel. They could see his pupils vibrate under those weird fairy sparkles.

“And you’re fine with siding against your own people?” Solan asked, orbiting around him with curiosity. Was one of the symptoms making his teeth heavy?

Rolling his head back on the chair’s backrest, Tariche considered the question.

“I don’t know them. Who cares?” He sighed, lingering on the words left hanging in the air. “If you’re wondering if I’m angry at ‘magic’ in general. No, I’m like you.”

“No.” Aco said.

“Please, no.” Solan shook his head at the same time.

“I don’t need to know everything to see that I see the same face in the mirror that you see on each other,” Tariche steepled his fingers on his belly, tapping them as he began to become impatient for the physical pains. “I love not knowing. It makes new books amazing even when they turn out to be puerile garbage. The only thing I don’t know for sure is my mom and dad issues.”

“How did you—“

“Dang, was it the mom or the dad?”

Instantly, the twins clammed up, wondering if Tariche had spoken up to save them from giving up too much.

“Anyways, my mom was the magic one, which is the simplest way of putting it,” He chewed on his cheek, wondering if it was a nervous tick or a reaction. “I didn’t find out about it until we met for the first time after I hit my teens.”

He looked like he was still in his teens, if not younger than Aco and Solan. Then again, both knew what it was like to grow old in the middle of childhood.

“She asked me if I had a lot of people, and I could have if I tried. Didn’t tell her that though,” He kept chewing on his cheek, close to drawing blood. “Mom said that it was good. If she stayed with me, I wouldn’t have anyone and my life would be lonely. Worse, she told me her life would have been better. Full.” Red began leaking from his mouth. “We didn’t know that for sure.”

Stock still, Solan glanced at Aco and watched her slowly stand with the syringe at ready.

Then, Tariche got up too. He had gone from waaaaaay out there to squared shoulders, standing at attention.

“Commander Theano, what brings you here?” Tariche asked.

The twins span around, finding the door still closed.

“I hate needles!” Tariche cried, taking advantage of their confusion to sprint past them and out of the quarantine office.

The Thorn were going to go from having one bad medic to having no medic.

“Crap!” Aco and Solan jumped into action, tearing through the door and past the rows of occupied beds. A gnome strapped to one of the cots struggled in their restrains and Solan pulled the blanket over the head to shut them up.

There were at least four rows of beds for Tariche to hide under until he croaked. He wasn’t going to crawl out easy if he was more afraid of needles than he was death.

Oh but the Doctor loved to blab.

“You weren’t finished,” Aco kept her voice steady, at conversation volume as she padded past the beds. There was enough light to see the Doctor’s prone silhouette. “What does joining us have anything to do with fixing your mommy issues?”

“I’ve read the history books. I know what kind of trouble she got up to. It took long for her to get it together but the effort was admirable. Her taste in lovers? Disagreeable.”

Aco heard his nonsense and pinpointed the cot he was hiding under, tugging off the blankets to find no one but a very upset elf.

“Quit crying!” Aco shushed the prisoner, catching sight of a few drops of blood across her way. She locked stares with Solan in the other aisle, nodding in the direction of the gory trail.

“Trust me,” Tariche couldn’t stop himself from speaking up. “I know what I’m doing. There’s nothing to be afraid of when it comes to your precious Commander either.”

“If he catches you, I’ll be happy to skin you myself,” Solan goaded him, closing in on the Doctor. “Blackmail or not, he knows who’s in his corner.”

“Theano doesn’t care about loyalty. In fact, the scariest part of this entire situation is how he wants—“Tariche was wracked by a violent cough. The twins weren’t sure if it was because of the poison or if the Doctor was faking because he had no idea. “Doesn’t matter. It wasn’t me but I was caught before and now, I live again.”

‘The poison’s going to his brain,’ Solan mouthed to Aco. ‘Can’t we let him stay like this for a bit longer?’

The curtain hiding the bed directly beside Solan swung open.

“But this time, I know how to throat punch you.” Tariche got the jump on Solan but the boy’s gut instinct lead his eyes to the angle of the Doctor’s arm.

Seeing it coming from miles away, Solan raised his hands to shield his neck and allowed Tariche to imbed his fist on his rock hard stomach.

“Need a medic?” Solan grinned as Tariche cringed from the blunt force trauma he afflicted on himself.

“Right here!” Aco jumped behind the Doctor and stabbed the needle into his neck.

Wailing like a murdered ghost, Tariche was too shocked to move before Aco pushed the plunger down, injecting the antidote into, miraculously, the right spot for it to act quick.

If it weren’t for the twins catching his arms, Tariche would have broken his nose to top this entire humiliating spree off.

“Look!” The doctor flailed, still disoriented from the effects of that messily cooked poison. “I can fight now! I used to only know how but I can actually do it with my own hands!”

By all means, Aco and Solan were allowed to sneer at the disgusting display. But, if only for a moment, some form of impossible fondness.

“Same.” They whispered together.

All of a sudden, Tariche lifted his head.

“Your friendship means a lot to me.” He said before his head lolled to the side.

And the twins were about to drop the Doctor on his face when they heard the footfalls of boots they had come to memorize. The Commander wasn’t going to happy with the only Doctor on site, who was definitely not Gregor, going out of his mind on bad blue soda.

“I know who that is!” Tariche turned his chin up, almost as furious as the Commander was going to be. “I read the obituaries!”

Each of them slapping a hand over Tariche’s mouth, they thought fast and not hard.

Having heard the Doctor’s shriek, Theano entered his wing to see if a prisoner had escaped. Smartly, he left the trailing Thorn members outside the room to find Solan in the nearest bed with an extremely bloated stomach under his blanket.

“Aw man, I ate so much,” Solan complained, rubbing his writhing belly. “Why, good morning, Commander Theano. The eggs were bad today.”

His belly tried to yell, barely held back by Aco restraining him under the sheets.

“Remove that blanket,” Theano ordered, patience thinner than the starving mage strapped to the other bed. “Now.”

“It smells pretty bad, just saying.” Solan lied, sweating bullets as his Commander’s frown deepened.

“Remove. The Blanket.” Theano wouldn’t repeat himself.

“You know what’s also bad?” Tariche managed to yank Aco’s hand off of his mouth a little late to the right cue. “You at oral exams!”

In the space of a fraction of a second, Theano’s face when through all hues of shock, realization, rage, and steeled stoicism.

“I don’t understand what that means.” Solan admitted, more interested in his Commander’s actions than at Aco’s one armed wrestling match with Tariche happening right next to him.

Theano breathed in, then out.

“You have ten seconds to come back to reality.”

Solan stole a peek under the blanket, betting a face full of blood vomit.

“We need ten hours.”

The Commander had already slammed the door shut.