#and nothing fits the fucking vibe except for a single 3 minute song but i need 45 minutes worth !!!

[oflgtfol]

think my taste in music is directly related to my mental health. i used to listen to noise music and breakcore shit. now all i ever listen to is lofi and indie rock

[ethotv-archived]

dream smp but its the mechanisms

aka “oh my god why do so many mechs song fit the dsmp” or “please help ive been here for 2 hours”. organised by album, all with links to the songs (and lyrics). have fun! all of this, of course, is /rp and referring to the characters

once upon a time (in space)

aka “this is just manburg v pogtopia arc but with lesbians in space”

old king cole - jschlatt. also some fun nods to technoblade being the executioner. also immortal!schlatt is a fun hc

rose red - bear with me. niki. interesting that the person stopping rose from getting married is king cole, and how schlatt held niki back and singled her out in manburg

our boy jack - tommy. is it about tommy or is tommy singing thats for you to decide.

sleeping beauty - not the main song but jonnys verses are chaos gang (wilbur, techno, dream)

no happy endings - manburg v pogtopia arc. need i say more

laid in blood - tommy and phil in the aftermath of november 16th

ulysses dies at dawn

aka “yeah this is all for trial by song thats really it”

broken horses - philza :’) and some technoblade

favoured son - a reach but.. dadschlatt au tubbo?

trial by song - nlm tubbo i made this post just for this song its HIM

underworld blues - dream as hades, if we go with the hc that joining the server wipes your memories of any time before it (another reach, but im skipping a lot of songs already :/)

ties that bind - wilbur, tommy, techno, tubbo; theres a lot of lines that can be interpreted different ways. verse 2 is tubbo though

high noon over camelot

aka “ouch (also the fact i cant assign karlnapity to blood and whiskey hurts)”

gunfight at the dolorous guard - og lmanberg being founded. also lancelots verse... ouch

hanged man rusts - gawain = quackity/butcher army arthur = philza (lol kinda) galahad = ranboo???? im reaching again. purely based on merlins verses not their responses, with the exception of quackity

blood and whiskey - bench trio (platonically. if it wasnt obvious) going to kill dream

peacemaker - fundy and ranboo as gawain and mordred after doomsday/green festival. or techno and tommy?

once and future king - philza to wilbur. ouch

the bifrost incident

aka “what the fuck am i meant to do here”

odin - pre-smp dream perhaps? foreshadowing his descent into madness even more

loki - ghostbur. also the entire reason for the post. im electing to ignore thors verse bc idk who he could be

sigyn - pogtopia tommy? excluding the verses where she finds loki ofc

(this section is short bc . well. ragnarok is hard to assign ok)

misc (tales to be told+more)

aka “theres just... so many songs...”

tales to be told - tales from the smp (minus the like... hard drinking. and violence)

gunpowder tim vs the moon kaiser (yes this gets a subsection) > the recruiters song - pogtopia/manburg propaganda > tim goes crazy - pogtopia wilbur :/ > teatime with the kaiser - tubbo (if he ever used the dead mans switch on his nukes)(also theres no single video for this one sorry)

hereward the wake - technoblade, since hes apparently a literal legend wtf

pieces - techno and tommy i am in shambles. please indulge me and pretend theyre brothers for 4 minutes 23 seconds. ignore the final verses though

stranger - tubbo and ranboo, when tubbo finds out about the enderwalk. yeah. ouch

lucky sevens - sapnap just for the pyromania and vibes but. nothing else

lost in the cosmos - jack manifold... robot hc <3

lotus eaters - exile arc with protege tommy OR eggpire

bonus: raising the dead! (jessica law) - alivebur resurrection pre-disc day (the doctors are eret and philza)

[eurydicees]

top 10 ouran manga-only arcs

this is going to be such a long post i apologize in advance. the ranking system has absolutely no criteria other than "does this pass my vibe check.” bonus points were awarded if i could think about tamakyo while reading it; points were also awarded every time tamaki did something cool. this was a delight to make. anyways, without further ado, here are my personal top ten favorites, and no i will not be taking criticism.

1. THE TAMAKI EXTRAVAGANZA

(vol 16 chp 73 - vol 18 chp 80)

PLOT:

So much happens here that I couldn’t think of an actual name, and uh does it count as a single arc? Probably not, but I’m counting it as one because it has a single thread: Tamaki. My beloved. So. First, Tamaki finally, finally, finally moves into Suoh mansion #1, but when he gets there, he gets told that he’s only allowed to study the Suoh business and go to school and nothing else— meaning he has to quit the host club. Shizue threatens to out Haruhi as a girl and ruin her reputation— possibly losing her the scholarship— if Tamaki doesn’t break off all ties with her.

The Host Club disbands. Kyoya begins an Investigation™ into Tamaki’s mother— she had been incredibly weak and unhealthy when Tamaki was a child, but when Kyoya met her, she was pretty healthy. After some sleuthing, the hosts minus Tamaki discover that she probably had Bisco Hatori’s fictional version of lupus, which was cured by a mysterious foundation— which they discover was run by the Grantaine family, funded by the Suoh corporation, and actually researched by the Ootori conglomerate. Literally everyone is in on it. It’s fucking wild. Like. Huge “holy fucking shit I need to stop and take a breath” moment.

This information is suddenly released to the public, and then the Suoh corporation all vote Shizue out of her position, saying that she’s no longer fit for the job. She locks herself in her room and refuses to speak to anyone, breaking Tamaki’s heart. But now that she’s no longer top dog, Anne-Sophie can come to Japan— Yuzuru is super hyped and expects Tamaki to be as well, not understanding that Tamaki’s family fantasy includes his grandmother. Tamaki stops going to school and plays piano every day in order to cheer up the house, eventually luring Shizue out to listen to him play their shared favorite songs from J-dramas.

They begin to bond and Shizue sees that he’s not a failure because of his parentage, but it’s too late because Anne-Sophie is about to fly back to France. All is hopeless.

EXCEPT THEN. All of the hosts and all of the clients realize what’s happening and rush to help him get to his mother. They all adore him so much, and give their all into getting Tamaki to the airport. Shizue finally encourages him to go, realizing— with the help of Haruhi— that she has been bitter and selfish and Tamaki deserves better. They rush to the airport, and through a series of shenanigans that are no match for the combined power of the hosts and every single girl at Ouran, Tamaki makes it to the airport. They make it there JUST in time, and Tamaki gets a five minute reunion with his mother. Haruhi finally confesses to Tamaki that she loves him.

WHY I LOVE IT:

oh my God oh my God oh my GOD. Like. This is just. So much. So Much. We all know that I’m like. The #1 Fan of Tamaki Suoh. Like. President, vice president, treasurer, and secretary of the fan club, all at once. I love him so much, and this just gives him so much development. There is so much opportunity for him to grow and you not only really see who he is as a character, but you also see how much he’s grown as a person from his first introduction. You also get more of a glimpse into the world of Rich People, and the way that all of their families interact with each other, and then also with the way that they interact within their families. It’s just such an intense arc and it’s so beautiful and I love it so much.

2. THE SPORTS COMPETITION

(vol 10 chp 46 - vol 11 chp 49)

PLOT:

This one is HARD to rank, because I love it, but it also Hurts. Like. I genuinely cried over this one, though that’s not actually saying much because I cry at everything. So. Here’s what’s up. Tamaki gets into this idea of a sports festival, and then Kuze wanders in to fight Kyoya again, so Tamaki suggests a competition between the two of them. This is a very Tamaki thing to do, but Kyoya gets fed up with it and refuses to participate— until Kuze accuses him of being “Suoh’s pet” and that he’ll always let Tamaki win, and then Kyoya gets fired the fuck up.

But he’s still bitter at Tamaki for starting this, so the two of them stop talking and my heart breaks. This does not stop Tamaki from having heart eyes for Kyoya 24/7. Hikaru and Kaoru are assigned to competing teams, and begin their Very Long Journey into not being so codependent— Hikaru is on the red team with Tamaki, Haruhi, and Kuze; Kaoru is on the white team with Kyoya and Honey.

Essentially, each team goes through rounds of races in different areas that are like. Complete bullshit games, but whatever. It’s Rich People World. The white team gets ahead; the red team performs a scene from a Shakespeare show to rally their losing team together and begins to win, until they’re on even footing. The final race is between Kyoya and Tamaki.

There’s a heartbreaking series of panels of Tamaki just… thinking about Kyoya. I cannot get enough of it. Then there’s an even more heartbreaking series of panels of Kyoya just… thinking about Tamaki. You realize, alongside the other hosts, that Tamaki pushed for this race not really for benefit or fun, but to give Kyoya a chance to compete in something for real, without having to set it up so that Tamaki wins (as we see in the race for the central salon). It’s a chance for him to win and not put his family first. Tamaki still tried his best, because Kyoya would hate him if he threw the race, but he lost because Kyoya fought with the intention of winning for HIMSELF, and not just playing support to Tamaki or impressing his father.

Finally, in the last panel, it’s revealed that the class trip will be to France.

WHY I LOVE IT:

God it burns so good. So Good. The Tamakyo, the Hikaru & Kaoru character growth, the Kyoya development, the Tamaki being so so so good, the Kyoya being so brilliant, everything oh my lord. This is really one of the biggest points of Kyoya’s character development, and it’s the first place I’m going to point to when thinking accurately about who he is as a person. It shows who he is, and who he believes he is, and who he wants to be, and who other people see him as. It’s also just a Tamakyo goldmine, even though they don’t ever actually talk. It’s so beautiful and it makes me cry.

3. THE ORIENTEERING RACE

(vol 14 chp 66 - vol 15 chp 68)

PLOT:

In an attempt to make Tamaki realize that the hosts all love him just as much as he loves them, the hosts sans Tamaki put together an orienteering race. There are six checkpoints, each one with a task to be completed in order to get an ingredient that will make the best meal at the end of the race.

Hikaru and Kaoru play the return of the “Which one is Hikaru?” game, knowing that Tamaki has been able to tell them apart for a while by now; Nekozawa’s checkpoint is a quiz on cursed items, knowing that Tamaki is familiar with Beelzenef; Honey’s checkpoint is a game of whack-a-mole with little mini Usa-chans, knowing that Tamaki isn’t afraid of making him upset over a game, though all the girls are; Mori’s is a sword slicing thing to show that Tamaki will never give up on something; Haruhi’s is a “tell the truth or never pass” kind of thing; and Kyoya’s is a crossword puzzle of all the answers made up of things from previous club themes.

Tamaki pairs up with Konoya— who is in love with him and is the “perfect Haruhi” trope— and realizes that she’s incredibly different from Haruhi, and that he loves Haruhi for who she is and not who he thought he wanted her to be. He also realizes that— because the hosts have gone through all of this for him— they do love him for who he is, no matter what, no matter the bad parts of his personality, and they’re never leaving him.

WHY I LOVE IT:

Look. We know that anything about Tamaki is gonna make me happy. I am a simple woman and so easy to please. This is literally just three chapters about how much all of the hosts love Tamaki and want him to be happy. I cannot express in words how rewarding it is to watch Tamaki realize how important he is and how much he’s loved— because he is loved, he’s so loved, he’s so so so loved. This is also the arc with the building block / building a home metaphor, and it destroyed me both physically and emotionally (vol 14 chp 66). This is where the found family is really solidified, and we all love a good dosage of found family.

4. RACE FOR THE CENTRAL SALON / THE SCHOOL FAIR

(vol 6 chp 22 - vol 6 chp 26)

PLOT:

This is where the anime diverges from the manga, and I have to say that this version of the school fair is just so much better than the anime version. Like. Just So Much Better. Basically, the club is setting up for the school fair, and the best spot to set up— essentially, the spot that will get the most foot traffic form the parents— is in the central salon. To figure out which club is going to get the spot, they all compete in a literal race, both mind games and physical games and it just slaps overall.

The b-plot is that the Host Club is getting threatening letters telling them to drop out of the race, alongside blank papers that are sent with the notes; the hosts have to figure out who is sending the notes and confront it. This is the arc that introduces both Kuze and Yuzuru Suoh for the first time. Kuze is captain of the football team and Kyoya’s rival and also definitely his secret ex-boyfriend. Chairman Suoh is… just. A lot. Just. That’s it. A Lot. He’s A Lot.

Anyways, part of the winning race is capturing this crown that’s hidden on campus, which turns out to be at a swimming pool. The football team gets there at the same time as Haruhi, and Kuze pushes her into the pool and goes for the crown. Kyoya and Tamaki reach her at the same time— Tamaki’s instinct is to go for Haruhi, but Kyoya tells him to get the crown and thus the glory of winning, while Kyoya rescues Haruhi.

Later, it turns out that Yuzuru was sending the blank papers with harmless messages written in invisible ink as a prank to emphasize the literal hate mail that the hosts were getting. The follow up to the race is the actual school fair, where we meet Yoshio and Shizue. Fuck Shizue, not even going to get into that right now because I WILL cry, but just know that it’s even worse than it is in the anime. Yoshio, though, is eons better in the manga than in the anime— he is genuinely proud of Kyoya and says that he actually wouldn’t mind appointing Kyoya as heir.

WHY I LOVE IT:

Volume 6 does SO MUCH for Kyoya and Tamaki and we all know that I’m ride or die for the two of them. Kyoya finally gets a chance to shine as team leader and it’s what he deserves! Tamaki takes a little more of a backseat, which I don’t even mind, because Kyoya does such a good job of pulling attention here. The scene at the swimming pool is just so good— it really shows the huge amount of trust between Tamaki and Kyoya, and does a good job of setting up the relationship they need to have as Rich People, outside of their friendship, which is something that we don’t see a lot of. Overall, it’s a very Kyoya-centric arc, and it does amazing things for the development of his character and personality. It’s one of the biggest insights into how he functions as a kind of mastermind for the club. We also finally get Tamaki’s full-ish backstory, which genuinely makes me cry every time.

5. THE HITACHIIN FAMILY

(vol 10 chp 45 / vol 11 chp 51 - vol 12 chp 53)

PLOT:

So this is technically two plot lines, but I’m going to count it as one because it’s all about the twins, my loves. In vol 10 chp 45, we get a little insight into the life of the Hitachiin family and why the twins are as fucked up as they are. Quick rundown— their parents can tell them apart but pretend not to for whatever godforsaken reason; Kaoru admits he’s in love with Haruhi for the first time and Hikaru remains oblivious; Kaoru begins to realize how unhealthy he and Hikaru’s relationship is and how, one day, they aren’t going to be able to have all of the same things; there’s a cookie metaphor; Tamaki gets lost in the Hitachiin manion; it’s all a good time.

In volumes 11 and 12, we begin the actual split between the twins, where they realize that they can’t stay the way that they are forever. They can’t be one person forever. They realize this in a fight over Haruhi, where Hikaru suggests they “share” her as a sister, and Kaoru rightfully thinks this is bullshit. They get in their first— and only— genuinely real argument. Hikaru breaks down in Mori’s house, Kaoru breaks down at Honey’s place, literally no one is happy and I am crying.

Kaoru asks Haruhi out on a date, and then ends the date by explaining that he could never date her knowing that it would be hurting Hikaru. Haruhi is, understandably, very confused by this whole thing, and no one is telling her anything.

Kaoru then makes up with Hikaru, saying that he’ll give up on trying to pursue Haruhi, but tells him that they actually do need to live separate lives at some point— and that point might as well be now. He wants to break apart entirely, but Hikaru explains that while they need to break apart in a lot of ways and find their own identities, they can never fully forget each other. They agree that they can influence and love each other without depending on each other for a personality.

They keep up the incest ACT at the club, though. Bisco Hatori couldn’t manage to write her way out of that one.

WHY I LOVE IT:

So this one just. Really hits home for me. It’s a genuinely heart wrenching arc, and the progression of the whole thing was just so slow and so steady and it was so well done. The twins are two of my favorite characters in the show/manga, and their relationship is something that I can analyze for days, and this arc is a huge part of why it’s so interesting. It does amazing things for both of them as developing characters, but it does even more amazing things for their character growth as people. It also provides a nice catalyst for the Hikaru/Tamaki/Haruhi love triangle. Anyways, it made me cry and apparently that’s my only criteria.

6. THE FRANCE ARC

(vol 10 chp 46 - vol 12 chp 56)

PLOT:

On the Ouran 2nd year school trip to France, Kyoya decides he’s going to spend the trip searching for Tamaki’s mother, rather than spending it with the other students. He works himself to death trying to find her— he ends up literally falling asleep on the ground because he’s so exhausted from searching and taking literally no breaks. Kyoya finds her eventually, and has a really nice conversation with her— she has a bunch of photos of Tamaki, and clearly is constantly thinking about him. When he gets back to Japan, he tells Tamaki about her— about how beautiful she is, about how she smiles, about how she thinks of her son every day.

We get more of Tamaki’s backstory, and his close relationship from his mother and how his mantra— living life in Japan to the fullest and being as happy as he can be every day— all comes from his mother. She told him that she’s happiest when he’s smiling, and so when he leaves her behind in France, he decides to be smiling every day and make everyone around him smile as well.

While Kyoya is in France, Tamaki stays behind in Japan— he gets closer to his father, who offers to begin to train him to take over the Suoh business. He visits Haruhi, and tells her a little bit about his life in France, and Haruhi’s love for Tamaki begins to make an appearance for the first time.

WHY I LOVE IT:

So I went into this list thinking that this would be my favorite plot, so it’s wild to me that it didn’t even make the top five. It’s kind of weird and I didn’t expect it, but I’m still satisfied with this list. Anyways, I really love this one, even if it’s not the top five. It’s like. The ultimate Tamakyo story, and there’s just. There’s just so much to unpack there. Like. We don’t have time for me to go through the whole thing and analyze every part of it because there’s just so much of it. It’s so good, and it makes my heart grow three sizes. It’s another brilliant development piece for Kyoya, and shows his softer side, as well as just how much he loves Tamaki.

7. MORI AND HONEY GRADUATE

(vol 15 chp 71 - vol 16 chp 72)

PLOT:

Honey and Mori announce that, after graduation, they’ll be splitting up and going to different universities. This proceeds to emotionally destroy literally everyone except for them. Mori is challenged to a series of duels at the Kendo club in which he has to fight every underclassman who wants the honor of fighting him before he graduates. He’s exhausted and worn down, and he loses to a second year, which is bad for like. Honor reasons. RIP. Anyways. He reveals that he’s just been really worried about something but before he can tell anyone, he has to duel Honey. It hurts.

They start preparing for the fight— which Kyoya is capitalizing off of via movie rights and betting rings— and scare everyone that they’re going to never speak again. When the fight comes, they fight on the Windswept Hill™ at Ouran (the same place that Chika and Honey fight on way back when). They go for it and pull no punches, until Honey tries to do a flying kick and Mori catches him and gently places him outside of the boundaries of the fighting ring, thus winning the duel.

Because he won, he pulls out a sheet of paper in which he’s written down all of the things that Honey needs to do in university because Mori isn’t going to be there to take care of him: brush his teeth, cut down the cake by 90%, and stop bringing Usa-chan to classes. Mori felt that he didn’t have the right to tell him these things until they were on equal level because he had won the duel.

They make up and everything is okay— they graduate, everyone cries, including me. Kasanoda gives Mori flowers, it’s all very cute. Haruhi makes cookies, and when Tamaki goes running down the hallway to find her, they bump into each other and drop all of the cookies. While they’re picking them up, they share the classic ~accidental kiss~.

WHY I LOVE IT:

This is one of the only Honey & Mori-centric plotlines that gets fully fleshed out and like. More than a chapter. It really does lovely things for their relationship, and it’s the end of an era. Even though it’s the end of an era, though, the resolution is incredibly satisfying— Honey and Mori’s stories are wrapping up, but it’s really well done. It’s sad, but it’s a really rewarding ending. They’re such sweet boys. Also, it’s not like they’re gone forever, so it’s all okay.

8. REIKO x HONEY

(vol 10 chp 41)

PLOT:

Reiko is part of the Black Magic Club, and falls in love with Honey when he gives her a hand in getting up after she trips over Usa-chan. However, she believes that falling in love with Honey is equivalent to him “stealing her soul,” and so she uses “curses” to steal his soul back. These curses are basically just love spells. 

In the end, Honey tells her to just, like, be herself. Talk about her interests. Get to know him. Be honest. Then she won’t need love spells to make him like her. Even if she messes up or is awkward or says something weird, he’ll still like her because she’s being true to herself. This is one of the only Honey-centric chapters, and Reiko is one of my favorite side characters.

WHY I LOVE IT:

They’re the OG goth x pastel couple. The blueprint for all other couples. Icons. I love them so much. This makes it on the list just because I love their relationships. I also love the whole Moral Of The Story, in that it’s important to be true to yourself. It’s so sweet it hurts.

9. HARUHI AND TAMAKI’S FIRST DATE

(vol 18 chp 81 - vol 18 chp 82)

PLOT:

So. Right after the two of them confess their love to each other, everyone expects them to get together and be a couple right away, but Haruhi is just kinda chilling. She’s not super stressed about dating, it’s just a relief to have said it out loud. Meanwhile, Tamaki is kind of a mess, stressing out over their first date and trying to make it as perfect as he possibly can. Seeing him so stressed, all of the hosts band together to help him out in planning a date. When Tamaki finally gets up the nerve to ask her out, he falls in the fountain and Haruhi has to fish him out. She’s then the one to ask him out to the amusement park.

In true Tamaki fashion, he gets incredibly stressed out again. He gets fashion advice from a series of unfashionable people. The hosts sneak around the amusement park and follow them around, finding out that it’s actually going really well, as long as they’re not interfering. After the Lobelia girls show up and try to sabotage the date, Tamaki and Haruhi run away— while Kyoya Handles™ the situation— and they go to her mother’s grave. There, it’s revealed that Haruhi will be going on an exchange program to America.

WHY I LOVE IT:

It’s just. So cute. Like. I’m Tamakyo for life, but I do adore them so much. It’s lower on the list because of the sheer amount of second hand embarrassment, but overall, I loved reading this one. Tamaki is just so genuine and earnest about everything he does, and I think these chapters do a lot to show why the two of them work as a couple. It also does lovely characterization points for Haruhi, and begins to wrap up the ending. Bonus points for a jealous and heartbroken Kyoya.

10. PRINCESS MICHELLE

(vol 9 chp 38 - vol 9 chp 39)

PLOT:

Princess Michelle comes to Ouran to do a week of school in Japan. After meeting her, Tamaki essentially puts him and the Host Club at her beck and call, doing anything that he can to make her happy, no matter how insanely extravagant her demands are. Everyone else finds this infuriating, until Kyoya points out that Michelle looks similar to Tamaki’s mother, saying that the last time Tamaki saw his mother, she was crying— and if he sees Michelle smile for real, it might help him picture his mother smiling again.

Overall, it’s just a very soft arc that begins to unfold Tamaki’s family-related trauma. It also kickstarts Tamaki’s realization that he’s in love with Haruhi and doesn’t actually have paternal feelings for her (that’s the whole next chapter, but make it funny rather than introspective); and it’s one of the moments that Haruhi realizes that Tamaki is genuinely just a good person.

WHY I LOVE IT:

I wasn’t sure that this one would make the list at all, but I do really love this story. It’s pretty short, just two chapters, but it’s overall really sweet. I like Michelle as a character a lot— she seems a bit like a bitch at the beginning, but she gets fleshed out and given an actual personality as the chapter goes on. It’s a really good example of Bisco Hatori’s writing.

HONORARY MENTIONS:

Mei (character): probably the most significant character in the manga that doesn’t appear at all in the anime, which is pretty tragic, but I think that the anime really wanted to emphasize that Haruhi doesn’t really have any female friends / friends outside of the hosts. But anyways, she’s Misuzu’s daughter and Haruhi’s friend; she’s lowkey transphobic but she’s getting better! Had a brief crush on Tamaki but she ends with being the #1 Tamaharu stan. Great friend to Haruhi.

The masquerade ball: Haruhi's going away party, and the reveal that she's a girl.

Haruhi gets kidnapped: Haruhi is kidnapped and held for ransom, the hosts find her and break down doors to get there.

[hermitologist]

My 17 Favorite Records of 2017

Hello, Internet. Yet another year has passed, and because I’ve made a habit of making year-end lists, this old man has gone and done it again.

I listened to a veritable buttload of music this year on my morning runs, which I decided to post about on Instagram most days in a concerted effort to keep myself accountable bore every last one of my followers to death. I think it’s working.

What follows, is my list of favorites. Not “best”. “Favorite”. *My* favorite. So, spare me the “Your list sucks. WTF. I can’t believe “A Vest For Jerome” by Turd Circus isn’t on there!” comments. I’m sorry we don’t have the exact same taste in music. :)

As usual, I feel like the top 5 or 6 here are pretty carved in stone, but the last 12 and some of the honorable mentions could totally be flip-flopped depending on which side of the bed I woke up on. I actually fiddled with a few spots five minutes before posting this, which is either a testament to that or Exhibit 4,923 in my undiagnosed OCD case.

Anyways ... TL;DR. Here’s what I was into this year. I hope you find something you enjoy.

IMPORTANT: Please let me know what I might missed out on (as I’m sure there’s a ton of it), and share some of your favorites in the comments below. Thanks!

17) Japandroids - Near To The Wild Heart Of Life

This didn’t quite grab me the way Celebration Rock did, but it’s got a good number of super infectious earworms that got stuck in my brain at the top of the year. 

Listen here.

16) Sorority Noise - You’re Not As ____ You Think

Excellent “emo”with that feels like it could very easily fit into Brand New’s discography (and I mean that in a very complimentary way). Highly recommended if you’re looking for something to fill that void. 

Listen here. 

15) Queens of the Stone Age - Villains

This took a little while for this record to sink its teeth into me, but once it did, it didn’t let go. The arrangements are so nuanced that I’ve found little bits of ear candy each time I’ve listened to it, and while the mix is not my favorite, the songs are so brilliantly catchy and drumming so monstrous, I’m hooked. And Jon Theodore is the best drummer on Earth. That’s not debatable either. It’s fact.

Listen here.

14) David Bazan - Care

It’s no secret that I’m a sucker for anything and everything Bazan. His lyrics and the timbre of his voice cut to my core, and the songs on Care are no exception -- even when they’re delivered over minimalist electronica (which is not my favorite vehicle by any stretch). Another Bazan masterpiece.

Listen here.

13) Glassjaw - Material Control

This record is perfect in that it is exactly what it needs to be. It’s Glassjaw doing what they do best -- intense, vibey, groovy, heavy post-hardcore that is a logical follow-up to Worship & Tribute, while flexing and pushing enough to make it feel fresh. A tremendous return to form, and a record that was well worth the wait.

Listen here.

12) Julien Baker - Turn Out The Lights 

Sprained Ankle blew me away and knocked me on my ass, and somehow, some way, Baker has leveled up and topped that. The stripped-down “artist + guitar” intimacy is still there, but the heavy moments hit even harder because of the additional orchestration on this record. Such a promising future for her.

Listen here.

11) The Life & Times - S/T

Another excellent record from some of one of Kansas City’s best bands. There are few who do airy, melancholic, spacey, dynamic rock better than these guys. And Chris Metcalf is one of the best drummers on the planet right now -- so pockety, tasteful, and effortless. Highly recommended if you dig Failure, Shiner, Hum, Antenna-era Cave In, et al. 

Listen here.

10) METZ - Strange Peace

This beast is 36 minutes of noisy, nasty, heavy post-punk with stellar guitar and bass tones, and badass drumming that sounds like the best parts of Nirvana and Young Widows had a perfect lovechild. I dare you to listen to this record and not have an overwhelming urge to play it as loud as you possibly can and headbang until your eyes fall out of your skull.

Listen here.

9) CHON - Homey

I really enjoyed this when it came out, but it wasn’t until we spent five weeks on tour with them and got to see them shred a handful of these songs on a nightly basis that it really grabbed ahold of me. This record is stellar. Sure there are a ton of notes, but they’re all tasteful, never bogged down in painfully long prog opuses, and there’s so much feel here ... which is so rare in the new world of insanely chopped, gridded and sampled prog. The splashes of hip-hop and glitchy Prefuse 73 style electronica are a killer addition to the mix as well. This is the feel good record of the year for me.

Listen here.

8) Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.

There really isn’t another rapper who holds a candle to Kendrick at the moment, and this might be the best work of his career. I haven’t had a hip-hop record hit me like this in at least a decade. I was hooked from the second the beat dropped in DNA., got roped in even more by the slow jam LOVE., and HUMBLE. sealed the deal. What a beast.

Listen here.

7) Cloud Nothings - Life Without Sound

This record rules, but I’m not sure I can put my finger on exactly why I like it so much. It’s got tiny elements of so many bands I love or used to love without being overly referential. It’s got a melancholic vibe but never lacks energy. And it is packed with really, really well written and catchy songs without full-blown pop circus. You know you’re listening to a great record when you’re playing a deep cut and uncontrollably blurt, “Fuck, this song is good.” 

Listen here.

6) Converge - The Dusk In Us

Nobody does it better than these dudes, and it’s been that way for the better part of two decades. The Dusk In Us is yet another record a discography full of bar-setting hardcore/metal/noise records that elevate the ceiling of the genre and make everyone else sound/look bland in comparison. This one slides right into the #3 or #4 spot in that storied discography. So great.

Listen here.

5) Manchester Orchestra - A Black Mile To The Surface

This is one of those rare records that blows you away on first listen, and gets better with each subsequent listen. The former happens when the songs --stripped to their bones -- are stellar, and the latter happens when the arrangements and mix are somehow even more stellar. ABMTTS checks the shit outta both of those boxes and then some. Aaaand it was made with multiple producers, but doesn’t sound disjointed in the slightest, which seems damn near impossible. It’s the perfect Manchester Orchestra record ... “The Gold” was stuck pleasantly in my head for a majority of the year.  

Listen here.

4) Pile - A Hairshirt Of Purpose

Disclaimer: I am a late adopter of the majesty of Pile, but I am happy to announce that I am hopelessly hooked on their soulful, noisy, schizophrenic, (occasionally) dreamy, fusion of post-punk, blues, and all sorts of other good things. My entry point was Dripping, but A Hairshirt ... cemented my love for this band. It’s weird, it’s beautiful, it’s energetic, it’s heavy, it’s ethereal, and the musicianship is frustratingly good. If you know, you know ... if you don’t, just trust me. Spin it with an open mind and meet one of your new favorite bands.

Listen here.

3) Propagandhi - Victory Lap

I grew up on Epitaph and Fat Wreck Chords punk rock in the 90s, and these guys (and gal) are legitimately the only band of that era that continue to excite and inspire me. I look forward to every release, and they manage to deliver every. single. time. It’s not a nostalgia thing with Propagandhi. Chris Hannah’s lyrics, melodies, and guitar playing continue to push the boundaries of what can be done in that genre. You might expect a group of 40-year-old punks to decline or at least plateau, but they’re still on an upward trajectory and it’s  inspiring as hell. Bonus points if you’re a parent and can listen to “Adventures In Zoochosis” without tearing up. Victory Lap is outstanding -- one of their three best records without question. 

Listen here.

2) Cloakroom - Time Well

If you’ve been following me here, on Twitter, or Instagram, it’s no secret that I’ve got a massive soft spot in my heart for bummer jams -- especially bummer jams of the heavy variety. Time Well is a damn near perfect in those regards. It’s shoegazey without being tired or overly jangly, mildly doomy without being mind-numbingly boring, and fuzzy without sounding like it was recorded inside a sleeping bag. I’m pretty sure I listened to this record more than anything else this year, and after probably a hundred spins, it hasn’t lost any of its luster. It’s outstanding (and it’s got some damn tasty drumming on it too).

Listen here.  

1) Elder - Reflections Of A Floating World

My buddy Scott Evans (Kowloon Walled City vocalist/guitarist, Antisleep recording engineer/producer, multi-talented human, generally outstanding dude, recommender of many amazing bands) turned me on to these guys earlier this year by sharing 2015′s Lore with me. That record f-ing floored me. Riffs for days. Heaviness. Prog vibes. Stoner rock goodness. Dynamics. Space. Sabbath-y vocals. It checked all of the boxes. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to hear Reflections Of A Floating World. 

ROAFW dropped in June, and it’s even better than I could have imagined. I’d wager that there are more sick riffs on this record than your favorite band has in their entire discography. I dare you to listen to this and not get a twitch to start a play air guitar. Also: How the shit do you write 15-minute songs that don’t bore people into catatonia? This is how. Just like this. Parts never drag, parts never feel like they’re just filler, and there isn’t a wasted moment in 64 minutes of music. That’s a remarkable feat in and of itself. This is a goddamn timeless record, and there’s no doubt I’ll have it in heavy rotation for the rest of my life.

Listen here.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The Effects - Eyes To The Light

Brutus - Burst

Nate Smith - KINFOLK: Postcards From The Edge

Employed To Serve - Warmth of A Dying Sun

God Mother - Vilseledd

Slowdive - Sugar For The Pill

Hundredth - RARE

Mutoid Man - War Moans

Grizzly Bear - Painted Ruins

Quicksand - Interiors

Death From Above - Outrage! Is Now

Power Trip - Nightmare Logic

Health - DISCO3

Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

All Them Witches - Sleeping Through The War

Code Orange - Forever

Blis - No One Likes You

Bjork - Utopia

Less Art - Strangled Light ;)

MY FAVORITE RECORD OF 2015 THAT I DIDN’T HEAR UNTIL 2017

Town Portal - The Occident

MY FAVORITE RECORD OF 2004 THAT I DIDN’T HEAR UNTIL 2017

The Stella Link - Mystic Jaguar... Attack!!!

CURRENT PODCAST QUEUE

Chapo Trap House (Grey Wolf Feed)

The Trap Set

Song Exploder

Slate’s The Gist

Slate’s Hang Up & Listen

INTERCEPTED

The FilmDrunk Frotcast

Deadcast

How I Built This

Freakonomics Radio

Radiolab

This American Life

[deathbyboredumb]

Dose of Reality (2): Dimensions, Perceptions, Psychedelic Experiences - AL-LAD

AL-LAD We say the spontaneous nights are more often than not better than planned ones and, well, in this instance I must agree. By the way - I don't endorse mixing alcohol and psychedelics as me and an old friend had pretty intensely difficult experiences after sharing a bottle of rum and dropping AL-LAD previously. But what happened this time BLEW ME AWAY, and I wish to let others know about the potential depths of what is considered quite a light, candy, surface drug. I finished work at 8PM, went back to my house to sink a few ciders (two) before meeting up with my co-worker and going to a party. At 11pm, just before I left, I was feeling lethargic and wasn't sure If I would last the night through, so as a precautionary measure I took 2 20mg adderall XR. 11:00pm - 40mg of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine extended-release. Over the course of 3 hours, at varying locales, I drank one more cider, three beers and some spirits. Eventually getting thrown out of the house we were at, around 1:45am, me and my co-worker decided we weren't ready to call it a night just yet. At this point, I must have been pretty drunk but the adderall was keeping me from experiencing all the physical effects of the alcohol. I suggested we go back to her place and smoke some weed - she lived too far away to walk, 2 hours. Okay then, back to mine for some AL-LAD. ( FYI, she had drank less than me - more or less.) 

We walked back to my place from Echo Park which took about 20-25 minutes. I opened up about my life dividing LSD experience and he opens up about a very influential MDMA experience. She happens to be Italian and her English wasn't much fluent - but nevertheless I was understanding of everything she was saying, potentially due to the adderall (although I imagine most of the effects would have worn off by this point). 2:25am - 300��g AL-LAD. We arrive at mine about 2:25 and we each drop 300ugs each of AL-LAD almost instantly. I play her some music I wrote about for the website I work for; she loves it and tells me its very emotional. Good vibes. She asks for some tobacco to roll with, but I haven't got enough to share all night - WAIT, I HAVE THESE CIGARS! I give them two full boxes of shitty cheap Berlin cigars flavored cherry and chocolate (that I wouldn't ever have smoked). She loves it. We lie on my bed waiting for the drugs to kick in, smoking. For my birthday my Mom got me a plastic pint glass with three LED lights in the base that flash at different iterations - very suited, very appropriate. I put it on a constant setting, so it isn't intrusive, and it casts a green/red/purple/orange/yellow/blue swirl that sprawls over my wall and ceiling. Perfect. And eventually……. …...I BECAME THE UNIVERSE. About an hour after dropping I started looping pretty intensely, so much that I wasn't aware of it happening until I'd recognize that I'd experienced this mental/visual loop previously. The next sign of diving into the depths was music. I became the music - as in I forgot music was even playing. It was as if songs were arguing with themselves. For example, the bass line would be putting forward X hypothesis, the drums Y, the vocals Z and the treble A. And I'd flit from each distinct song element vibration exploring all the different points of view. This occurred until the song ended and I snapped out of it and realized what the fuck had happened- WHAT?!?! WHAT?!!?!?!?. This happened for every single song I listened to. Visual+physical+mental perception of the sonic stimuli (potentially synthesis). At some point, my co worker asks for a pen and paper and writes something down telling me to read it tomorrow. I oblige. After I'd become aware of this process repeating for every song, I let go and joined in. This is the part where things went deeper than I imagine ally from ever going. I decided to put on one of my favorite albums, Fugazi's 'Red Medicine' and belt it out as loud as I could whilst I melted on my bed. Slowly but surely as I sung it, I became less and less aware of anything but the music and my 'self' - except all that 'I' was at this point was a vibration. The only thing that told me that I existed was that I could feel myself vibrating. I was a literal vibration in what was the entire universe - the primal energy, the initial vibration in the mid of God which is all of us and all of existence. I reverted back to the most base 'form', a constant that exists everywhere in reality - vibration (insert Bill Hicks quote about all matter being energy reduced to a slow vibration etc etc.) Needless to say, this was absolute ineffable ecstasy. After becoming aware of my existence as just a vibration at that moment I embraced it even more and allowed myself to join the 'vibratory conversation' that the songs were having. I sung even louder. As I sung I realized that I was singing almost too perfectly in time. I was not dragging or rushing. I slowly realized that I was creating the song - as I was singing it into existence. This sent me into more fits on ineffable ecstasy. Perceiving/creating being the selfsame process. As if that wasn't enough, I started thinking about vibrations and which potential Hz-Khz vibration I was resonating at. This led me to contemplate numbers, then binary, then coding. All of a sudden I was being shown a vision of our earthly reality and behind its initial form (what we see and feel) there lied a sort of computer code (I don't know if it was similar to the matrix code, or if it was indeed computer code - I only made the connection afterwards). The code became more and more prominent until everything was embossed and had this code projected over it. Suddenly it all broke apart, dissipated, was erased. I experienced the perception that everyone and everything I love and are ever going to love is fleeting and potentially code in a cosmic fucking computer that we agreed to build and experience. My mom, my co-worker, my fucking phone (the phone being both literal code and cosmic code). Every thought that my mom was ever going to have was just code. (I am aware that this i not a new or novel theory- I discovered the idea many moons ago. This is different as I ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED IT AS REALITY, not just as an idea.) MY MOM IS JUST CODE?! BUT THAT MEANS ME TOO. GOT I LOVE THAT FUCKING PIECE OF CODE. GOD I LOVE LIFE. GOD THIS CODE IS FUCKING AMAZING. I'M GONNA USE THIS PIECE OF CODE (my phone) TO TELL ANOTHER PIECE OF CODE (my best friend) THAT I (code) LOVE (code) HER (code). GOD (code). INEFFABLE FLEETING CODED FUCKING ECSTASY. I was still creating/singing the song as I experienced all this. As the last few bars of 'Back to Base' sounded I snapped out of whatever that fucking was and turned off the music when it finished… WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. Woah wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that was ALLYLYSERGAMIDE????!!! WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT. 

I sit up, turn to my mate and she utters: 'Wow. W-O-W.' 'What the fuck just happened, dude?' 'I don't know. I've never experienced something like that before.' I asked her if she could explain what she experienced in Italian, instead of English as it would be easier for her, but she couldn't. I sit on my bed attempting to wrap my head around what was left of my integrating mind at that point, stunned, glowing. We chill on my bed a bit longer, listening to some Jesus and Mary Chain as the drugs wind down. She leaves around 7:30am. Now that she was gone I find what she had written down: 'Man Bites' I eventually sleep, and wake up about 11:00am. Receive an email from my Mom - I burst into tears reading it. Nothing overly emotional about what she said, just love. AL-LAD; your hidden depths are more fun, and as deep, than any other depths I've experienced through psychedelics. 

-Jesse Boredom *For the record, I DO NOT CONDONE DRUG USE. Everyone reacts differently to mind altering substances. If you have a bad feeling about what you are about to take I strongly recommend just walking away. Be safe, be aware and please take care of each other.”

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 4 - “I WANT TO REACH MY GOATENTIAL” - GEO

Welcome to Survivor Divergent, where's it's 14 inactive people and 6 people actually playing

I'm pretty damn busy today grading final assignments, and I'm pretty sure my frustration yesterday was enough to paint a target on me going forward, but I don't much care. This tribe's work ethic is for shit. I don't belong here. I can't just sit back and not do things. Ed can't, either, because it's such a deep-seated belief of mine that it permeates through him too. Not submitting things is just not my speed.

What pisses me off more than anything is that so far, I've been the only one to put in any concrete work. Percy got the theme based on a writing prompt. Payton's been offering suggestions. Dani's offered to do both the poster and the write-up. Meanwhile, I did the poster (deliberately at a level below what I know I can do, because I've been saying all along that I'm not good with Photoshop.) I did the write-up. Last time I felt so alone in one of these creative challenges, my tribe lost and I was the one sent packing at the next tribal council.

It's bullshit. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And while I love the people on this tribe based on our limited interactions, Peter can fuck off back to the inactivity pool from whence he came. Lucy can find a clue while she's busy finding a last name. And Geo... man, Geo is the biggest disappointment of all, only because we've SEEN what he can do. And it's like he's choosing not to do it. I get that we all have lives and that we're all super busy. I'm running myself so ragged that I'm going to hibernate clear through the holidays.

But that's the key difference: you make time if it matters to you. And if this game doesn't matter to anyone else, why should it matter to me? More importantly, if I get to jury, where's my motivation to vote for any of these people who couldn't — or wouldn't — step up when they're needed?

This is frustrating. I miss Megara Tribe. I miss Bondoso Tribe. I even miss Drohend Tribe. I like tribes that work hard, like each other and trust each other as a result. And this tribe fits maybe one of those three criteria. It sucks.

Six: The amount of posts in our tribe chat per day. God damn.

I'm pretty sure the hosts hate six. Like.

On 12/18/16, at 12:09 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > also, y’all are rigging this against the 90% inactive tribe

On 12/18/16, at 12:10 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > its not mine and ed’s fault that the rest of them are flops like if we went offline for three days the world would fall apart and you know it

no, i dont think they're actively rigging. i think my tribemates are sabatoging and we're not gonna have fucking numbers going into merge. sluts.

Okay so it's been a while, let's see if I can catch up. Last time I made a confessional I was stuck on trying to find the Erudite idol. I was so frustrated, and then we lost reward. I didn't want there to be a chance that someone from Six would find the idol, since the clues stack, so I panicked and asked Melissa for help. She figured it out in 2 seconds bc stupid me doesn't know the alphabet or how to count. Ugh. So we work through the next few pages, and then we get stuck again. But after looking at it for a few minutes, I realized I needed to use the keypad on a telephone to get the next word, and I figured it out. To show some good faith, I tell Melissa right away, but the next page.... whew. I looked at that page for a good half hour and couldn't figure it out. Then I'm reading what's on the page and it looks like song lyrics? So I decided to google them. I copy and paste it into google, and i noticed in the search bar are words I did not see before. So I go back to the page and highlight everything. Sneaky Jenna hid the link to the next blog in white lettering on the page. Very clever. So I go to the next blog, and I need another password. Crap. Well, I'm hoping that whoever is looking for this idol on the Six tribe gets stuck at the password too, so they wont be ahead of me. I decide to not tell Melissa that I figured it out. I want to see if she comes to me with that information. And she does, the next day. So I know I can actually trust Melissa. Like, I know I'm in an alliance with her, but I wanted to like, test her trust? I guess? So there's where we are on the idol journey...

I've been talking to Jill bc, you know, former Candor, and she brings up starting an alliance with Kyle. Me, already being in an alliance with Kyle, am completely down for this. Jill's plan is to have a former Candor/Amity alliance with me, Kyle, and Will, and bring in Melissa as a 5th so we have majority. Kyle and I, already being in an alliance with Melissa, are completely down for this. We decide to tell Melissa about this alliance, because we want Ugly Fruti to be our core, our majority within the majority, if that makes sense. Melissa seems fine with it.

So then we wind up winning the Battleship Immunity, and I am really enjoying not going to Tribal. If we can keep it this way until merge, that would be fantastic. Things have been really quiet around the tribe lately. I haven't been on much because of things irl, but I'm going to try and be around more. I dont want to be first boot from this tribe for inactivity, even though there are people who are way less active than me. I'm just hoping our movie poster is enough to win reward so we can continue on that Erudite clue...

Every single day, I feel myself slowly becoming someone that I am not. And honestly, I kind of like that.

I think Payton is pretty set on getting to know who I am but I'll keep bouncing that carrot in front of her face because the longer I keep her focused on my identity over the game that I want to play, the better it is for me in the long run. Payton is a threat because shes so talkative (albeit annoying as hell) and has Percy in her back pocket. She even came to me and said,

[10:14 PM] Payton Rodriguez: So I think I kinda decided Percy would be safe if we went to tribal again, at least from my vote? He really did help with making that poster look good

Of course that's a valid excuse but you should be willing to vote off anyone at any given moment in time. I don't care who we're going after, but I kind of think that Peter does need to go next. He's just going to do whatever people tell him to do later and he contributes almost nothing to my game, except acting like a little pawn for the time being.

I still have my Abnegation idol, so I'm going to hold onto it as long as possible. I think this is an idol I need to use on myself only because if I try to use it to make a huge move, like playing it on the target to get rid of a threat, then it could backfire and if my own target ends up getting saved, I could go out on a revote. If I just had the regular old thing, then I'd be more willing to be #dauntless and whip it out to save someone else and *ciera voice* make big movez.

Also I'm being really patient with myself and trying to make a lot of spelling/grammar errors and ignoring most forms of punctuation. I want to, in addition, have perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation on my regular account so that people are somewhat confused about my identity. I'm still going with my "pretty, spoiled girl" image that I'm adopting so that everyone thinks that I'm two completely different people. Maybe its working, maybe its not. But I need to start cutting the bullshit and start being as realistic as possible. No more talking about the unrealistic life I don't have, but being real. I have to adopt true parts of my own personality so I'm not looking like a bullshit artist. I have that tumblr blog, so maybe i should share it with the people so they choose to follow me and understand that maybe this is something i'm committing to. we'll have to see how that works out for me, of course.

ok i know im not supposed to but i cant help but get uncharted flashbacks rn im sure its not but lake is giving me ari vibes

Gosh it's been a long time since I've made one of these.

Nothing has really happened. We've been winning immunity and I haven't really helped at all.

I've been trying to staybtalkative with the most active members of the tribe and I feel like there's at least 2 or 3 people that could be voted out before me.

I feel so bad cause I havent done one of these in a long time. Im usually good with confessionals <.< sorry hosts.

I feel like im wadting time with the amity idol but oh well ill keep chugging along

Dani scares me. Theyre really smart, they know who i am, and i feel like theyre not playing with abnegation (obviously they werent from thay tribe) and theyre gping to use it against me. I want to get her oyt, but i think shes better connected to people, therefore attempting to do so will get me oyt instead, and i want to play with loyalty, i dont want to ve a flipper again and again. Dani is in an alliance with me so that wont be good as the others may be wary of me.

Im concerned as well as people arent actually talking that much to me. They dont message me, only dani and payton. I love payton or logan if it is them and i believe theyre going to be a bigger target ahwad of me in the future.

I want to play a very goat game. Previously my competitors and friends viewed me as someone who cant win and is very well aligned and a flipper. I havemt made ftc, and thats my goal. I dont care about anything else. If im loyal and very nonthreatening, people will want to take me as they view me as a goat and i could potentially use that strategy to win? I want to reach my goatential, and see whether i can lose at the end or not. Hopefully i dont.

Im typing this on my phone and i didnt put the heading, sorry for all my messiness. #Goatential #Geoat #loyalty #noflippers #mystrategy

I want to conspire to vote Dani out. I think that might be too risky right now but I don't trust her.

I'm glad we won tribal! But I really, REALLY want to send Dani home. Like, yesterday.

I'm tired of people outside the game talking to me about this game. Stop.

Um, it's been a confusing past few days. The biggest things to come out of them:

1. Six won immunity! Woo hoo! Payton was trying to argue that they were throwing it, but I refuse to believe that. We cam together as a tribe and we showed how much more effective we are when we work together, and that's that. So I guess another way of saying it would be, I don't care what they did. I care about what we did. And we crushed it. And frankly, as great as Payton has been for moral support and activity, her frequent willingness to couch thoughts with 'if's and 'but's really rubs me the wrong way. That's not the way winners think.

1a. That said, Payton is still my #1 for now. She's got a tremendous grip on the tribe socially and is realistically one of the shot-callers around here. The longer I can stay under the radar and vote with her, the more likely I can make merge. And then we're golden.

2. Danielle approached me with 'evidence' that Payton took the advantage, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. I had my suspicions. But I wonder if Dani is trying to throw Payton under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3. Payton approached me with 'evidence' that Danielle or Geo are fabricating receipts, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. It seems like something both would do, based on what little I know of them. But I wonder if Payton is trying to throw Dani under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

4. This Erudite idol is maddening. 'Center from the start?' What the hell is that??? I've tried everything – the letter a, the titles on each of the blogs, the word 'hosts' which is the 'center' block on the 'start' page, every past clue in every single blog... I know the clue points to a page on one of the blogs I've already visited, as opposed to the latest one. But I'm so stuck and it's so frustrating and I can only hope others are as hopelessly irritated as I am. I need that next clue, and hopefully this time it'll be something new rather than something I'd already been trying. Talk about bad luck.

5. Peter has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

6. Lucy has been very quiet, but at least she showed up for the comp.

7. Geo has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

I will make a longer confessional if I survive tribal, which honestly, I think I will. Me, Kyle, and Melissa are in alliances with pretty much everyone on the tribe, so I think we are fine. The vote should be for Amanda, which is a relief for more than one reason. One, she's getting on everyone's nerves, and two, its so weird for people to be talking about Amanda and to remember its not me. There's only room for one Amanda in this game, hun! Ahhh anyway, after this tribal, we are supposed to be on a holiday break for a while, but I have a feeling before that happens, we are gonna be split into 3 tribes of 5. I'm really hoping not, but if so, I have Kyle and/or Melissa with me, or that I end up on a tribe with a Four Tribe majority. Ahh okay, I'm out til later