#and nothing compares to the cool feeling of thinking you aren't good enough.. WHEN IT COMES TO LIKING STUFF... MEDIA... ANIME CHARACTERS...

[alligaytorswamp]

(disclaimer before I start that I'm not trying to argue with or discount what you said) Sorry for the long ask. On the "character's no. 1 fan" without joking thing, I don't exactly know how to phrase this without sounding weird but here goes:

I'm of the unfortunate demeanor that I fall into that category of people to an extent. I've tried thinking differently about it but I just can't bring myself to accept that there's no "wrong" way to enjoy a character.

BIG however, I keep that to myself. I would never try to gatekeep characters I like because I understand that other people are going to enjoy them whether I like it or not! And I can never control how they're going to like the same characters I do! And I'll let people go on about the character even if I don't exactly agree with what they're saying and I'm not going to correct them on headcanons or their own feelings ffs!

I know it's a frivolous thing to be upset about, but I can't control how I feel about someone liking something the "wrong" way. But what I can control is how I openly react. It's so easy to choose not to piss in someone else's cheerios.

This is so hard to phrase without sounding pretentious, so I'll use an example:

I really like Scaramouche. I've been playing Genshin since 1.0 and I was there in 1.1 when he was introduced. Long story short, I despise what they did to him and you'll never ever see me calling him "Wanderer" in most contexts. But guess what? A lot of people like the change! Am I going to tell them they're wrong for enjoying him that way just because it hurts my feelings? No! Those people aren't responsible for my feelings and trying to hold them responsible is asinine!

It all boils down to personal feelings. I know this kind of gatekeeping comes from a place of deep discomfort paired with an inability to understand that others are not responsible for personal feelings (especially not strangers on the internet). I'm not trying to excuse the actions of character gatekeepers, nor am I trying to garner any kind of sympathy. It's just frustrating that people behave like this. Like, oh no, someone likes The Character wrong. That sounds like a you problem. Get over it.

Putting my reply under the cut because i know it will get lengthy

at first i wondered if you were one of the people i talked about in that post, trying to defend your honor or whatnot but, dear anon, you are not part of the freaks i talked about!

first of all, i do agree actually. i am also a strong believer that some people like characters in a wrong way. some people can be extremely weird about them, rude, etc

like the whole ordeal of fan-favorite characters having their tags flooded with complete OOC content, that makes you question if the fandom ever considered reading a single bit of canon-

i, for one, hate like 80% of things people say about baizhu, given the chance i'd probably find an issue with majority of his fans (somehow) kaveh- i literally prefer to pretend fandom perception of him does not exist. if i see a kaveh fav in the wild i do believe they have a great taste but my god i do not trust them right away

i absolutely agree that one can have an understanding of a character that separates them from most of the fanbase, making enjoying this character a little painful, as you kinda end up being the only one with this huge brain, knowing that few of your fellow character-enjoyers will even Understand

(and this is ofc a dramatic way to describe it. we all have our own preferences and opinions. they may never match. however being a grown person you likely are aware of it and you won't be having an actual war against the fandom... you just gonna rant to your besties, or make a cute tumblr post without putting into the tag of the character- and that is it)

this all however is about like deeper comprehension of the character in question, or perhaps just personal opinion/projection/etc. which is completely fine and dandy, i do that, you do that, everyone does that

but like you yourself mention - there is common sense

sure within my heart i am 'gatekeeping' baizhu, because i can't trust an average person to truly Get Him. however in the end of the day it is mostly a joke. i still adore talking about him with other people, and hearing others gush about him. it's great! would i ever go to a person and be like 'u like baizhu incorrectly' or after hearing my friend speak of him go 'um actually!!! this isn't how you should feel!!!!' ??? absolutely not. again if hanging out with someone who likes my fav, no matter how much they like them, even if they only like their vibe or whatever, i would be happy. LMAO. it's as simple as that - enjoying a fav character with someone else is fun even if your opinions don't completely match. and if they don't match too much, or the topic of the conversation revolves around smth you don't agree with - a normal person will just politely express how they can't share this sentiment OR perhaps you won't even say a word. you will just nod along because there is no point of arguing over that

my post was not about any of this tho

my post was about those who manage to speak about their fav in a way that is so suffocating, it makes you feel weird about liking the same dude. it's all completely surface level, too, they are just so very obnoxious about. any mention of this character is For Them, they won't even consider your interests, never, not once. they are not here to share the joy of liking a character, they are here to flex how much they like them. and how powerful their feeling is. you, by their design, will never be considered on their level. they are the no.1 xyz fan, the ceo of xyz, etc. you are here to witness how much they thirst for this character and cheer i guess? idk

it's actually kind of hard to describe as it's just so unimaginable to me, i am yet to find a 'formula' for this type of behavior. however it is mostly a vibe and lack of consideration. they don't talk WITH other people about their favs, they talk AT them.

it's such an odd thing - i am repeating myself - but they just manage to make the topic revolve around their grand feelings so hard, that if you do not match this type of freak you end up feeling like your own care for this character is somehow lesser than theirs. that perhaps you didn't "earn" to truly call yourself a fan

and i guess the most important aspect of this all, it's not about strangers on the internet.... it's about friends/fellows

the real freakiness comes not from the fact that they are not 'maybe a little too passionate while talking to a random person', no they are this way around friends lol. you talk to them thinking you gonna have this cute thing in common, share a favorite character. but that does not happen.

they are unable to share. the character belongs to them 100%. and they will act judgy about the way you speak of them, god forbid you talk about their fav too much, they will definitely get cranky. all of this is just a competition to them which they have to win. and the toxicity of it all may cause you to put your own feelings aside and start acting as obnoxious just to feel like you are allowed to like this character too.

and it's fucking crazy!!! this is why i made this post! because it's so gross and weird! it's like we are kindergarten and these losers are yet to learn how to share toys! these characters are also - FICTIONAL - they don't even exist. how hard it is to be happy to be around a fellow fan? i have no idea. but for some people it's borderline impossible, and they have an amazing skill in making you regret getting into media/liking a character

tldr; i agree with you, gatekeeping (light-hearted) of a character is a normal thing, we all have our of opinions and fanbases are weird as hell. but it's a whole different topic! to be downright rude to people you know, to act like you are the only one to ever like this fictional character is weird. people who make you feel like you have to prove yourself in order to be a fan of smth are like children who can't share toys, being friends with them is tiring, and sharing your passions with them is like a gamble. they either wont care about your interest OR they gonna metaphorically steal a fav from you and act like you do not belong

[coralinnii]

Hello to you! I was wondering if you were taking requests. I just had a prompt I thought you might like! Any characters you'd like, with an s/o who can and will get violent easily if someone disrespects the love of their life? Like someone calls cater fake and suddenly a chairs getting thrown at their head. I'm sorry for asking, I just thought this was funny :)

❋ Feral!MC who defends their man ❋ feat: Epel ⭑ Ace ⭑ Cater ⭑ Malleus genre: fluff, humour note: gn!reader, no pronouns used with reader, established relationships, reader is implied to be magicless, depictions of physical fighting and violence (punching, kicking, etc),

So, I usually just randomly pick a set of 4 characters but this worked out so well it was hilarious.

All his life, Epel feels underestimated due to his fragile-looking appearance and stature. He spent his early adolescence running amok to prove himself a man but since meeting Vil, he’s learning to hold himself back. 

But that doesn’t mean his situation has changed. There will always be one or two schoolmates that continue to demean him for his looks. 

“You Pomefiore wimps are all the same. What, too afraid to get your makeup ruined?” 

Oh, there is nothing Epel wants more than to give these jerks a piece of his mind, but nothing these guys can say would compare to what Vil would do if he starts a fight here so he chose to turn his cheek on their superficial comments. 

Sadly, the offenders did not appreciate that as they started to grow red over being ignored and started raising their magic pens when… 

“Ooff!” One of the grunts fell to his knees clutching his lower half, revealing you standing behind him with a look that could scare the campus ghosts.  

“The hell is manly about picking on someone minding his own business?!” You seethed in fury as you glared at the wounded student and his friend helping him. “Epel has more manly qualities in his pinky than you do in your whole body, including that sad manhood” You sneered at the term, barely believing one could call any part of them “man”. 

You stepped closer to the two male students, one of them covering his already injured equipment. With an air of barely contained wrath, you stomped your foot extremely close in front of the fallen student, right between his legs “Leave before I make sure that you two will be walking weird for the whole school year” Your eyes glinted with not a threat, but a promise. 

With the two bullies running off, you looked to Epel. Gone was the fury in your eyes but rather concern. 

He really shouldn’t be, but darn it if he wasn’t proud of you. He wanted to praise you so much for how amazing you were. He knows now that violence is not the best option but it sure makes you look cool.

If he were his younger self, he’d have been embarrassed that someone fought his battles for him but he knew you do it out of love and never because you didn’t think he couldn’t defend himself. He’s learning new forms of power, and your willingness to fight for him was another side to strength he didn’t have growing up. 

Epel swore to continue growing up, to appreciate the strengths he found such as you, and to someday be strong enough to protect you forever.

“We can’t let Vil hear about this, but that was super cool! Ya sure spook ‘em good!” 

Ace is a cheeky bast*rd. Sure, he knows when he should shut up but when push comes to shove, he’s not afraid to say how he really feels and doesn’t care how he can come across to others. Due to that attitude, he has made a few enemies that don't appreciate his words and like him, aren't afraid to tell him that. 

“Who are you to say that about us? Acting like you’re better than us, get off that high horse of yours!” 

Ace rolled his eyes over the student’s weak insult but did nothing. Something like this isn’t worth getting hurt over. The redhead was about to put on his fakest smile and ready to satiate the poor kid’s ego but suddenly a blurry figure breezed past him and straight at the student who started this commotion. 

And the sound of something solid hitting flesh rang through the hallways

Loud gasps and curious whispers filled in as students saw that you landed a straight punch on the other student, who’s sitting stunned on the floor.

“If you didn’t do stupid sh*t, then maybe Ace doesn't have to call you out on it!” 

Boy is smug af over you getting all feral and defending him like that. Watching someone he likes fight for him and getting angry on his behalf tickles his heart. How many guys can say his lover would beat someone up for him? Ace felt shivers down his spine seeing you all fiery and angry for his sake, yelling at the dumbfounded student how Ace doesn’t have to be nice to anyone who doesn’t deserve it. 

“And at least Ace has a brain to think before doing something stupid unlike you morons! Talk sh*t, get hit!” Seeing you angrily compliment him is strangely attractive to the Heartslabyul freshman that he rather push to the back of his mind to ponder at a later date. 

As your voice got louder as your fury burned, which Ace feared might catch the attention of a teacher or worse, his housewarden. 

Always quick on his feet both metaphorically and physically, Ace used the chaotic situation to run in between the crowd and escape his enemies before a teacher ended up showing up just as he predicted. When the coast is clear, Ace will definitely tease you on your little feral child moment.

Great job, you really stroked this kid's ego 

“You sure got scary all for lil ol’ me~ You love me that much, huh?”

Cater knows how some people see him, what they say about him but he doesn’t care since in the end he doesn’t affect him that much. Words from a couple of rando people means little to him. 

It was an uneventful day, when he heard a couple of classmates whisper behind his back, words like “fake” and “clout-chaser” made purposely clear for anyone, including him, to hear. 

“Talk about vibe killers” The laid-back senior thought, a sting of annoyance managing to build in his heart. It doesn’t crush him but still, having someone insult you never feels good. 

He was planning to take the high road, pretend not to hear them and walk away when he heard a commotion from that direction. When Cater turned around, he nearly dropped his phone when he saw you…with your hands in a vice grip on one of the jeering student’s hair. 

“Say that again, I dare you!” You screamed as you looked ready to turn the poor boy bald. “Show off that loser behavior so everyone can see!” 

The student in your grasp was helpless and not even his friend could help him because any attempt made to you only made you tighten your grip on his locks. 

“You don't know anything about Cater, how can you call him fake?! He’s considerate and always makes sure not to make anyone uncomfortable, unlike you motherfu-“

You couldn’t finish your sentence as smoke started filling the space, which sent everyone in the vicinity in a state of chaos thinking a fire had started. Surprised, you released the fool in your grasp and in that moment you felt someone pull you away from the smoky mess. In your angry confusion, you nearly restarted your assault when you recognized the familiar light ginger locks and charming green eyes through the fading smoke. It was Cater that pulled you away from the crowd before a teacher finally showed up and cleared the smoke spell he casted.

You nearly gave Cater a heart attack. The last thing he wants is for you to get in trouble or worse, have a target on your back due to your fiery temper. Secretly, he felt a sense of guilty pleasure knowing how fired up you get for someone like him, plus that wild side of you is scarily appealing to him. 

Even if he prefers to hide things with a smile, he worries for your safety more than anything. He has a plethora of ways to get himself out of a bad situation so he hopes you could trust him a bit more.

He might not be able to stop you from getting into fights for his sake, but at least let him protect you when you do

“Hoo boy, that was a close one! You gotta trust me a little more, you know?~”

When Malleus saw you walking back to your dorm one late night, thunderous clouds quickly formed as he noticed bruising on your face and hands, obviously from a scuffle. 

“Who is responsible for this?” Malleus spoke calmly but the dangerous strikes of lightning raining down in the far distance spoke volumes of his true emotions. 

You shrugged your shoulders, trying to downplay your injuries as you explained that you got into a fight with a couple of students earlier that day. Malleus was curious but you looked tired and decided to let you rest for that night

Malleus heard later from Lilia that you suddenly tackled a bunch of students when you overheard them speaking ill of the dragon fae, saying how he only earned his housewarden title purely because of his powers and not due to skills or competence. 

Ok, let’s make it clear. Anybody who dares to insult Malleus definitely has a death wish, with the exception of Leona. Being one of the most powerful mages of his time and having a loyal group of guards that isn’t afraid to take someone down, anyone with survival instincts would think twice before talking sh*t about the heir of Briar Village. 

But this is true everywhere, there is always that tiny group of people that dare to speak nonsense, acting as though their actions won’t have consequences. 

Hah, they thought. 

The students who witnessed the fight recalled the sheer rage exuding from you as you continued to pummel on the target of your wrath. You were finally pulled away by a teacher and was sent to Crowley's office, which explained your late return. 

“They don’t know anything! They don’t see how hard you’re trying to understand humans for the future of fae-human relations. The lessons and training you do to someday lead your kingdom, they know none of it. None at all!” 

Malleus has Silver and especially Sebek who would yell at anyone that would even dare to breathe weirdly in Malleus’ presence, so naturally hearing that a fight broke out because someone supposedly disrespected him is a common story for him. But this was the first time he heard it was you who started the fight in his honor. 

He brushed against your cheek, where your bruise was before he quickly healed it. He wondered if humans were all reckless when in love like you were. He should reprimand you, tell you that such violence is unnecessary as petty hate is nothing to him.

Although, supposed if he were in your position, he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t do the same, perhaps even worse. Afterall, you were his precious treasure. 

This man won’t care who started the fight, he’s smiting anyone for trying to harm you in any way (A red flag but a confusing one) 

“I would prefer you avoid such conflicts in the future, my dear. Not for your sake, but for theirs if I learn of the fools who dare lay a hand on you”

[misc-obeyme]

hellooo i’m here for your event !!

is it okay to request mammon headcanons for hurt with comfort? ik you already have a request for him so :’)

just something like he’s insecure about if mc loves him or not (maybe they spent the day with another brother) so mc comforts him :D ofc if you have your own ideas that’s great too ^^

have a great day <33

Hello there!!

I really don't mind writing multiple things for the same character! It's usually just the prompts I don't want to repeat lol. Anyway, I did use the idea that MC spent time with someone else - in this case I decided to have it be Lucifer specifically. Hopefully it turned out okay!

Thank you for participating!

COZY COMFORTS EVENT

GN!MC x Mammon

Warnings: uh just jealous Mammon lol

Mammon tries to convince himself he isn't jealous when he sees you with one of his brothers. He's able to push it down most of the time, knowing that you see his little brothers as family. They mean as much to you as they do to him. Watching you be there for them only causes a slight twinge of that feeling and he finds it's easy to overlook it. But things are a little different when it comes to his older brother.

Lucifer is the responsible, upstanding demon that Mammon could never be. Whenever you're with Lucifer, Mammon can't think clearly. He can't stop imagining you falling in love with his more competent brother. He sees you being impressed, as you should be, with everything that Lucifer is and can do. He sees you realizing you'd be better off with a demon like Lucifer.

The worst part is that he can't argue with that. He knows it's true. Deep down, he knows he's not good enough for you. Lucifer can be everything you need, everything he can't be. And it makes him crazy knowing that no matter what he does, he just can't compare.

And it isn't just that he feels that inadequacy. It's also that he's seen you with Lucifer. The way you smile at him, the way your eyes go soft… you look at Lucifer the way Mammon wants you to look at him. And when that happens, he starts to wonder. He wonders if you really love him after all. Is he even lovable to begin with? Out of all his brothers, why would you ever choose him? Especially when Lucifer is right there being perfect and handsome and everything anyone could ever want?

Mammon tries not to let you see how he's feeling. He keeps his distance, pretending you aren't spending the day with his brother, pretending that seeing you together doesn't make his gut twist uncomfortably. He tries to act cool and calm. You can't know about the knots that are tangling up inside him.

When you find him later, he's keeping up the pretense. He thinks he's doing a good job until you call him out on it. You ask him what's wrong and he blushes immediately. He can't tell you! He can barely look at you. How embarrassing would it be to say that he was jealous of you spending time with Lucifer? To say that he's started to question your feelings because of it? To say that he's terrified that you'll slowly slip away only to settle instead into Lucifer's arms?

You may not know exactly what he's thinking and there is a slim chance that he'll actually tell you, but you know your demon well. He's so busy trying to pretend he's fine that he doesn't realize that you're onto him. He doesn't realize until you ask. And when you do, he's flustered because of course you could tell. He wasn't going to fool you. What made him think he could? He stutters out something about how there's nothing wrong, but you're not buying it.

You take his face in your hands to make him look at you. Your fingers are cool against his flushed skin, which only makes him blush harder. He doesn't want to face you, but he can't pull away. Your eyes gaze into his, clear and serene. There's a flutter inside him when he sees how you're looking at him. Like he's your universe. Like he's everything.

And it turns out he doesn't even have to say it. You've already figured it out. You tell him that he doesn't need to worry. That it doesn't matter how much time you spend with any of his other brothers. That he's the one you'll always come back to. He's the one you love. He's the one you'll shower with kisses. He's the one that makes you feel like you're home.

Mammon can't stop himself. He pulls you into his body because he has to feel you as close as possible. He needs to have you in his arms, needs to know you'll never leave him, needs to press you against his heart. Ya make him crazy, MC. Don't ya know how much he loves ya? You do. You always have. And then you can't say anything more because Mammon can't stop kissing you.

cozy comforts | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[always-just-down-the-street]

Okay, chat, so I am trying to work out a timeline for the Misremembered Lanes AU, and I am realizing there are two very interesting points to tackle before I even get to the finale- And honestly, both of them are way too interesting of topics to just do myself, so for the fans of the AU, here are your two major points.

Everything's A-OJ in Season 2.

OJ's elimination in Season 3.

These both feel like the first major wrinkles/differences in this AU's timeline compared to canon- because these two moments, they tackle directly into something I mentioned OJ struggles with. Control.

What happens when he's finally given control of the show, but now has to deal with new contestants that...don't know him enough to excuse his egomaniac/control freak tendencies or have the subconscious belief that because he won last season, he must be good? What happens when people actually question him, not like the people who just stay in the hotel do? Would his facade slip? Would anyone notice?

On the other hand- what happens when he finally loses all control? When against all odds, the "king of Inanimate Insanity"...finally has to face failure, face elimination? Would he begin to relapse into his original programming? Would he feel a relief he hasn't felt in so long but can't explain why and now chases after it once he's back at the hotel?

And on the other side of the coin, how does Taco change before the finale? Does she have any lingering feelings haunting her during S2 like OJ does? How does this influence her alliance with Microphone or her attempt to take over the show in Truth or Flare? That's definitely a fun one.

Consider this a post where anyone can post their headcanons or ideas for the Misremembered Lanes AU- they can follow these points or they can just be general ideas you might have about the AU involving OJ and Taco, maybe Suitcase and Box since they're included now, and obviously in saying that, all spoilers are allowed. Who knows, maybe I'll even make them canon if I think they fit enough (or are cool enough)...

In fact, let me begin with an idea of my own, get the wheel spinning.

~ 0 ~

What if Taco and OJ's buttons in MeLife are flipped after the S1 finale?

OJ's button spawns Taco, Taco's button spawns OJ- MePhone thinks it's some weird kink that occurred due to the 4S downgrade and it becomes one of the many things he hides, this one half because he just doesn't want anyone thinking he's about to revive Taco apropos of nothing and half because he genuinely doesn't know why.

But when the revelations start happening, MePhone distracts himself by wondering a question:

"Why would the downgrade cause OJ and Taco's buttons to be flipped, anyway? Neither of them died while I was dead, else they wouldn't respawn at all like Bow- did 4S do something? Or…"

And that's when he remembers those initial drawings he made.

OJ - Egotistical, Hates Losing, Caring?, Manipulative? Taco - Unpredictable, Wild Card, Underdog

…Their buttons aren't flipped.

They're flipped.

And consequently, when Suitcase tries to summon OJ and Paper…Taco's just as confused as everyone else when she appears next to him instead.

~ 0 ~

So, what do you all think? Feel free to say so in reposts or comments or whatever you do.

[bestbouy]

i think i just love the idea of the different universes with their like, styles???

like how Gwen's is totally watercolor and Hobie's is all scrapbookish punk n newspaper, y'know???? and, of course, Miles and Pavitr's are both more "normal" but they still have that... you know... v i b e... they're both normal but they have elements that make it their own. Like how Pavitr's universe is mainly super warm colors?

anyways this got me thinking y'know how it's super obvious Hobie has a different universe style?? not so much for Gwen because hers is a little different, but with the whole. changing skin, the OUTLINE, it's very obvious

I think it'd be super cool if in Hobie's universe, it's kind of like the opposite for anybody who's not from it? They have their own like, radius of... their own dimension???

I'm only comparing this to Hobie's dimension, it's very obvious none of this would happen in CANON so I'm literally just spitballing. Also because Hobie is the only one with the outline and funny overlay thing, and it'd be fun to play around with the other three's possible like,,, vibe!!

Gwen would leave like, imprints of watercolor? like dabbing it on a piece of paper, leaving color that dries out back to normal over time?? it would bleed into the world around her, it might even mimic her emotions with the color!

If she was upset it would be harsh, spread more, it would come out in spiked reds and blacks?

happy would seep in a lot more subtly, and cover a lot more space, but you wouldn't realize how much room it's taking up just because it's so slow to take it up and really is only at about.. idk, 20% opacity, slowly builds up the happier she gets? it would be more visible in puddles, just like with normal watercolor (Compared to anger, which would be very in-your-face and obvious)

It would rely a lot on her emotions, methinks, the stronger they are, the more visible the color!

Miles would have a sketchy, drawing-like atmosphere to him, kind of like what you can see on the spot y'know? and, since the spot came from Miles' dimension, I think it makes sense!

It would be less noticeable, but the things he interacts with would probably turn into a slightly stylized version of itself? A cup he holds or drinks from wouldn't change DRAMATICALLY, but it might copy his look and have sketch-like lines around it. Nothing huge, but enough that you can tell what he's touched in the past few minutes/hours

Pavitr would have a similar vibe to Gwen's, but with warm colors instead! His effect wouldn't change with emotions like hers, but it would probably bleed in the same way as hers. He would leave behind trails of warm oranges and yellows wherever he goes and leaving it behind on what he touches. He wouldn't notice this, but it would be veeery obvious to Hobie or anybody from his dimension.

Actually, I think the way that we can spot Hobie because of his differences in outline/radius effect would highly apply to them in his dimension! Everybody in Hobie's world can CLEARLY tell that Gwen, Miles and Pav aren't from there, and while the common person might not recognize they're from another universe, they might get the same feeling as if you were seeing like.. a skinwalker, or something. They're human, but it doesn't feel like it.

ANYWAYS back to Pavitr

He has a warm, cozy vibe, I think unlike the others his can seep more into emotions, I think he's an empathetic person and that melts into his little area effect. if he's super happy or excited about something the people around him get a tiny bit happier too!! when he's sad (and it's rly hard to make him sad bc this boy is POSITIVE THINKER #1) his colors get a bit colder, but I don't think they would affect other people like his happy ones do, honestly just SEEING such a normally happy guy so sad would do enough to ur mood than some radius effect lol

ANYWAYS that's just a lil thought. they are silly. and this is going into my ideas folder. have a good one n remember to drink water

(I would go on but this is super long already XD)

[channelinglament]

ok but hear me out- self aware niigo??

Sorry for being gone for so long heh ^^;

Tw: mention of drugs, possible ooc, yandere themes, mention of stalking

Paranoia

- Paranoia is thinking and feeling like you are being threatened in some way, even if there is no evidence, or very little evidence, that you are.

Ft. Self-Aware Niigo

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☆

"What is happening?" - A sigh escaped your lips, as you tried restarting your device again. It has been happening several times throughout this months.

After finishing yet another Niigo event, you found out more about Mafuyu's situation. The way her mother treated her infuriated you. And just like everyone in the fandom, you wished Mafumom's death. Of course, you cursed her out in your own kinda way, right infront of the characters. "Who enters their kid's room, finds a synthesizer and treats it as if you saw your kid doing drugs??" a growl escaped your lips. "Seriously, Mafuyu's mom is the worst". And then you closed the app, to cool off.

----

Existentional crisis isn't something that was on girls' list. Hearing voices in your head and guidance during singing and stuff isn't normal after all. Was it insanity perhaps?

They were wary of you

None of them talked about...for a while. They noticed that the...guidance they were receiving from the voice also made their relationships better.(friendship lvl) Why? Perhaps all you really want is to help them. At some point, Vocaloids got then to sit down together in empty sekai and talk about the strange voice. Vocaloids know you, the player.

After hearing out question, asked by Meiko and Luka, they had collectively started loosing their shit.

...all they went through...was just.. a game? Nothing? Just entertainment?

Why were you helping them then?

.

.

And so, certain someone from another group hacked your camera.

.

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Mafuyu honestly didn't know how to feel. Fist clenched, she tried to keep her tears from falling. No, she didn't blame you.

How could she blame you?

After all, all you want is to help them. Yes, this is all. You want nothing in return. They may be game characters, but they could feel your love. Purple-head is sure that others feel the same way.

It's okay, niigo can share. Kinda. But others?

Mafuyu loves watching your expression (and if you talk/sing along then listen to you). She doesn't do much else. Her face softens up, shoulders become less tense as she observes you. Ah, aren't you an angel?

She started working on her vocals more, so your attention would stay on her in every song. She wants your attention and affection. Please give it to her, look only at her, listen only to her

She loves it when you pick clothes for her, she tried to stay away from anything that could damage them or get them stained.

.

.

Our pink-head was so happy certain guy hacked your phone camera and mic!

They could hear your voice, and see your expressions. Ah, the way your eyes lit up when you did helped them (fullcombo/all perfect)! You seem to really like their singing and dancing.

Mizuki will try to make group's visuals even more appealing. Their MVs are already awesome, but Mizuki will try even harder. Better, they should be better. What if MV isn't good enough? No, they don't want you to take your eyes off of them. They must make every second of MV stunning.

Tbh, all of the girls love watching you (other groups too). But compared to others, they do it more often. Much more often. They watch you sleep

Mizuki hummed in content, as you were choosing another outfit for them. Your face is so focused while you observe them, ah, you're just so cute! If they could only pinch your cheeks! Mizuki would love to go to shopping with you and Ena. For now, Mizuki will wear anything you gave them proudly.

.

.

In the middle of the night, an artist was making yet another masterpiece in her dim lit room. Digital and traditional art. A lot of it. There were some scrambles papers and tossed canvases on the ground. But aside from that, room was fully covered in drawings of one particular person. You

You were her muse. Ena couldn't stop drawing you. You're an embodiment of perfection. No one stood close to you. No one

Ena spends days and nights in her room trying to get your face right. Her drawings were good, but not perfect. She couldn't get your face just quite right. Something was...missing. *sigh* if only you were here with her for real, then it would've been so much easier! It's alright. She is content with being to see you (at least for now).

She observes you more than the others. To draw, and to just take in all of your beauty

Similarily to Mizuki, she wore everything you gave her proudly. Maybe even showed off a little. Every dance, every song, she kept thinking about you, about how you would guide her and help her to get better. Your love, your support....

"Is this like drugs?"

"It's better than drugs Akito"

"I know but still-"

.

.

....It is her third cup of noodles

Kanade tried to write more songs, thinking about you. She loves your smile. It is already past midnight, and yet, here she sits. Infront of her computer, composing music and writing songs. If her songs make you happy, then she will try to write even more.

Kanade has a savior complex, and wants to make everyone happy. You, being the most important person, deserve the most happiness. If you talk about your troubles, or have a sad expression, Kanade will try to make a song to make you feel better. Relatable song, happy song, you name it. Only you will be able to acces this songs, and no one else. They were written for you after all.

Teenager, eating her now forth cup of noodles, thinks of what kind of melodie should be next. She can't help but think of how comforted you would be by her song. Er..their song. She wants Niigo to be your favorite group.

Tired blue eyes skimming from her computer towards her bed. Girl faintly remembers you mentioning something about taking care of her health. She's tired, she can't remember it fully. Perhaps she needs to take a break. Yeah, she can continue once she wakes up.

Kanade enjoys any time you spend with her and any attention you give her. She likes your outfits, but she feels bad sometimes. I mean, she doesn't come out of her room that often, so you probably shouldn't bother, no? Yet, she is very happy that you decided to give her something this gorgeous. She feels some confidence boost when she is in them.

Kanade watches you during her writing hours. Just seeing your face makes her motivated for a new song.

.

.

.

.

You swear it's not paranoia, but you always feel like you are being watched

[goodluckclove]

So apparently when I drink enough to start posing real questions (such as "what spec fiction author would be the most fun to party with"), my body reacts poorly and I end up with insomnia. I've been lying in bed for about four and a half hours just pondering before I realized I'm an adult and I can just change locations.

I'm in the living room now. Bob seems happy for the attention. And I'd like to share my central ponder of the night, centered around how much of a bummer it is that like most of the online queer centered spaces I've seen consist of rampant in-fighting.

Stay with me here. Seriously this is a long one I'm very tired.

I'm not coming from some nonsense centrist place of no conflict ever. I just feel like so much queer conversation I see is either vague blanket support, or a massive thread that somehow starts in the middle of an argument. And as someone who is not necessarily old, but definitely not active online, this is super isolating.

I think it's a really interesting anthropological concept that as queer culture develops it becomes more niche and simultaneously more vague. That's cool. The downside is that I am now the human embodiment of that Griffin Mcelroy meme about not knowing what something is and being too afraid to ask. And every time I see someone who is clearly super passionate about some queer take, I really want to ask why they think what they do or how they came to that conclusion, but holy shit that feels dangerous.

Like it's not an immediate invalidation to ask why. More modern queer identities are so varied there's a very good chance two people experiencing the same circumstances might have two radically different reasons and ways to get there. I am at the point where I no longer think anyone can speak for our collective queer experience unless they use the broadest of terms. I'm genuinely just grieving that we're immediately giving each other shit over variations instead of getting together and comparing notes.

Oh but Google is free - fuck off. Like straight up. That shit flies for the surface level information and it's crazy to me that more people don't acknowledge that. Google is free for people who think there's only one intersex variation. Google is free for people who really want to know if scissoring is real. At this point in society there are multiple generations of queer people (or people in general) with multiple senses of online validity. Someone who grew up in the 90s might trust a more traditional source for information rather than a google doc or Tumblr post or reddit thread or tiktok, and by that logic they aren't really going to be convinced by any Googling they do for a lot of new cultural shifts.

Like I was a teen with shit opinions. I was snarky about "transtrenders" who used neopronouns. Not online or to anyone - I wasn't a complete dipshit - but I definitely thought it. If I posted about it online I'd say all the regular arguments and the opposing side would say all their regular arguments and we'd block each other and accomplish nothing.

Which would be a massive shame because one of my shining qualities is my ability to admit when I'm wrong. There's a much better alternate reality in which I did post about how people who think you don't need dysphoria to be trans are cringe, and some kind trans person asked why I thought that. Because then I'd say something like because everyone wants to be trans that doesn't mean you're just allowed to say you are.

And then they'd probably be like yeah maybe you should talk to more people about this and consider where you're coming from, saving me like ten years of gatekeeping myself from my own identity.

Like I tried the Googling thing for something niche that I'm curious about. I learned about aplatonicism recently and was like huh. New info. But every post I see in the aplatonic tag is already angry about being aplatonic so I'm not about to take space with my own curiosity.

But after scrolling a Reddit thread I am more confused than ever. I don't know what a squish is, friends. I mean, I know the definition - but my brain doesn't think of human relationships like that. People were talking about having friends that they love but they don't have squish love or friend love, also aplatonic describes some autistic people, also also aplatonic is a word specifically used for aromantic people who don't want QPRs. I don't think any of this is wrong. I do think that it is so much information that it cancels out in my brain, and now I kind of just think aplatonic is a word that means things sometimes. And that's not what I want.

I'm being self indulgent because I don't think anyone is reading this far and I'm feeling relaxed because I took an Adderall earlier today and I feel like I can actually think for the first time in months. I want to ask some aplatonic people what they think "friend love" is supposed to be compared to what they feel for their friends, if they have them. If they don't have a need for friends, I am very curious to know what they think about the friend list function on virtually every social media website and game. Like this is not a bit. I've been awake in bed for almost five hours and it occurred to me that might be a bummer. Maybe some people use them out of convenience, but I think it would be interesting to meet a person who's so staunch in their philosophy that they just don't. I feel like there's probably a lot of aplatonic people who are like just straight up not online and don't even know that's their vibe.

I want to ask some loveless aros what they consider to be positive emotions or motivations in their lives. Like I'm so full of love for virtually anything that the concept of not having that emotion across the board makes me wonder if something else fills the space. Like do loveless aros love ideas? Do they love their hobbies? I don't think aromantics are sociopaths at all, I've just seen people who both say that loveless is reclaiming a slur and also defining a lack of love and I'd like to know more about both.

I saw a post on my feed about how anyone should be allowed to get gender affirming surgery even if they aren't trans. I don't disagree. That argument has honestly never occured to me and I really wish I could've asked why someone would want that. Because "a cis man might want a vagina" is valid, but doesn't fly in terms of actual logistics. You have to make so many appointments and wait for so long and answer so many questions. I'm aware my opinion on this is heavily biased by being Agender and actively ridding my body of as many secondary sexual characteristics as quickly as possible. I am not immune to the propaganda of my own identity. I would just like to have an in-depth conversation with a cis man that wants a vagina and ask why and also if they think it's worth the maintenance. Because, like, there IS maintenance.

I'm not doing it to judge. If this hypothetical man is like "yeah I know I'd have to keep up with the upkeep and maybe wear hormone patches from now on, but structurally it makes sense for my view of my own manhood", I'd be like "that's really interesting, I considered adding a penis to my architecture but then decided that it would probably be a sensory nightmare for me. I'm surprised so many cis men can ride a bike."

And then maybe he'd say "where do you think cis men put their pensises when they ride a bike?" To which I would say "I don't know the mechanics of a penis and at this point the thought of learning in which direction I'd have to stick my hypothetical one makes me anxious."

And then he'd kind of scoff bemusedly, and we'd go out together for banh mis.

I think at this point in my rant I'm realizing that my major issue here is that the world as a whole is not friendly to genuine curiosity. I also get triggered by hate bait, and it bothers me that I can't pull the subject of the cringe fuel aside and be like what are you doing? Like, not judgementally. I want you to explain to me what you are doing and why it's important to you.

I don't think it'll convince me every time, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like "ah, okay. Makes sense." And then move on with a greater understanding of the growth of humanity.

And also we can get banh mis.

I really want a bahn mi but I can't bike to get one or else my guts will fall out. Gender affirming surgery is a mistake for the sole reason that it prevents me from yummy Vietnamese sandwiches.

Kidding. I'm kidding, not having a uterus anymore has been pretty cool.

The sun came up.

Fuck.

[sillywabbits]

👉👈 ...does anyone else kinda wish Tumblr had an option that allowed you to hide the Note count on posts? Like, just a completely optional thing each user can toggle on/off according to their comfort/preference. Kinda like how insta gives you the option to view the number of likes, or just hide the number completely.

Lil' RSD vent/feeling share below. No pressure to read. Just been meaning to put my feelings down somewhere;

It's just.. for me personally, my mean RSD ridden brain overthinks when I see numbers.. constantly putting me in a state of comparing myself.. or question the appeal of my work.. or making me feel like my value as an artist is measured by that count. And maybe it partly ties into my own weird insecure, self worth feelings. But mostly just.. it makes me get caught in my brain about if my art is even likable or decent enough to be appealing? Or annoying for people to look at? Or.. if the kind of stuff I make isn't a lot of people's cup of tea? I draw nothing but fluffy mush. My brain makes me anxious and insecure if that's boring or.. not interesting enough for others to like. I don't really dabble in angst or what my brain has deemed the, "cooler content."

I know rationally I nor anyone can draw to appease everyone. As I would tell anyone else feeling these types of things, someone out there will enjoy what you do. (And I've met some super kind of people who have said immensely sweet and endearing things about my stuff. And I thank you endlessly for it! /gen 💞)

And ultimately you should just draw what makes you happy to make yourself happy. Draw for yourself first and foremost.

..but

I wish my brain wouldn't emotionally rely on engagement from others for motivation to make art. I wish drawing things that make me happy, and the joy of making it in general was enough to motivate me better.

I don't think this is helped by how slowwww my art process is, and how my undiagnosed ADHD really makes it hard for me to will myself to draw as often as I'd like. My muse comes in spurts, one drawing/sketch can take me days to finish. And after all the energy and time it took, I think maybe I emotionally take things harder and am susceptible to getting disheartened/sensitive when my brain locks in on that number count. Making it a little harder to muster up more desire and energy to wanna draw again.

Sometimes thoughts of, 'when there are so many people that make the things you like to make, and it already exists and they're so cool, good and special for it.. why should you bother trying?'

And as a disclaimer, these are just anxiety-ridden thoughts! I don't think I fully 100% actually believe them!

They're just the thoughts my brain likes to bring to the forefront sometimes. When I'm experiencing RSD or feeling insecure/anxious. (I think these feelings can feel bigger maybe due to how my neurodivergency can affect me too.)

And god is it such a double standard. If any fellow person were sharing similar types of thoughts/feelings, I would have 101 ways to rebuttal and assure those mean thoughts of theirs away.

..but it's so hard to apply to same exact advice/care toward yourself. It's harder when it's you on the inside. You brain has made you feel like you're the exception. Like you don't deserve that same assurance for some reason. (Not saying this is true; just.. how my mean brain likes to talk at me fjdk /hj)

Again, I want to emphasize these aren't rational thoughts. They're just the feelings that get welled up inside me when I feel insecure. (It's one of many talking points I'd love the opportunity to bring up when I'm fortunate enough to get myself a therapist lol <3)

--

💕~Thank you dearly to anyone who was curious and felt they were in a place to read all this. They're just feelings that have been burrowed inside me I haven't really put out there yet. I know this community is super sweet and supportive, which is why I love being here. But I couldn't help feel a bit shy about sharing this stuff.

[3rdculturecharacter]

Hey people, it's been a minute.

Let's talk about one of my favourite third culture characters, Amethyst from Steven Universe.

I'm gonna preface this by saying she in one of my top kins and I am so excited to be talking about her.

So the thing about my girl Amethyst, her third cultureness is very... understated... In that isn't not a major plotpoint.

I'm pretty sure this is because Steven already comes with a fair bit of the usual third culture angst and structurally it wouldnt make sense for them to both have the exact same character arc, especially being so close.

And honestly I don't think it's nesserary a bad thing. As much as a third culture character like Spider from Avatar can complement and enrich the narrative by being third culture, a character like Amethyst can do some pretty tangible good by just existing as she is (wich makes sense cuz that's kinda touched on in her character arc)

Her third cultureness isn't egnored: she's unlike the other Cristal Gems in that she's picked up human habits like eating and sleeping, playing video games, watching TV, having human friends, being the first to use phones (as well as being much more culturally American in general).

Her non human side is shown pretty cleverly. She's a gem of course, does and knows alot of gem stuff, but in particular, because she's immortal and doesn't need basically anything to survive, she can be super disregarding of things humans need to make money and live off, or will take them time and energy they don't always have to fix (just like the other Cristal Gems)

Or

This totally feeds into her immaturity, since she didn't develop under the strict culture of Homeworld like all the other gems, but the chill, flowy environment that is beach city. Pair that with the fact of her having basically no physical chalanges while living on earth and you can see how she would develop an "the whole world is my playground" mentality.

Speaking of her development, let's talk about that!

*Proceeds to rant about character design for a while*

Ok so her shapeshisfting powers are super interesting, because as we can gleen from the movie, when she first emerges she copied and shapeshisfted into who or whatever she came across to get her bearings.

(I'm gonna say that's some developmental issue unique to her or maybe all overcooked gems, since we see other quartzes emerge and they don't do that, maybe that's coding for something, not sure).

Her copying is very in character for a third culture kid, and if you look at her formations in order it kinda seems like she's inadvertantly copying the developmental pattern of a human child? (over a much longer time ofc). Then she went through a long pase of partially covering her gem with her shirt and also after a while she gives herself bra straps wich (much like the extra cleavege rose gave herself) she absolutely couldn't have needed, probably copying humans.

Then in future her design speaks volumes! Her top and shoes are that gem-wear seran wrap stuff, ofc with that little unnecessary rip around her gem cuz she gotta. And then those cute frayed jorts with the stars on being so human and organic. It's all really saying, "I'm a bit of both worlds and we all cool with it."

More thoughts on the rip: it could be ripping the gem-wear to say I'm not JUST a gem, highlighting her human side, it could be there to reveal her gem/draw attention to it like "I'm Amethyst, loud and proud", it could be just cuz she really f***** loves ripped clothes. Idc wich any works good 4 her.

It really shows her full journey of self acceptance.

I feel like alot of the emotional pitfalls Amethyst runs into during her character arc are also very relatable to me at least as a third culture person, even if in her case they aren't directly realted.

Feelings of guilt for existing, feelings of not belonging, self isolation, feelings of not being good enough, comparing yourself to others and rebelliousness are all pretty common.

So it makes nothing but sence for her to be quietly third culture.

Also this:

Wich is the lerfect segway into:

My big PSA related rant

This... This will end me. Honestly I'm not even mad about the style rn.

REBECA you could have chosen ANY other Cristal Gem from this one.

The problem here is, I could see a bunch of humans discriminating against Amethyst for whatever reason actually having an impact on her. Amethyst is the ONLY cristal gem who could tangibly be vulnerable to any form of gem racism, garnet and pearl would just pick the haters up and put them back over the fence.

This whole thing is just highlighting how you didn't explore that angle. Not to mention that the whole show established her to be very close to humanity, and then she just turns to the camera and says "wtf, I'm actually nothing like people"? It just feels wrong.

Also you gave my girl the most handfisted one, idk why those two googly eyed toddlers having a detailed understanding of the neuances of racism seems somewhere between unrealistic and straight up bizarre.

(Ok I tell a lie, the guitar dad one was kinda a mess but nobody even remembers that one so whatever)

That aside, this one should have been on Garnet, she is the most detached from humans of the trio (except for pearl, but I think she's better in that classroom scenario), she should have been the one saying "yea, comparing us ist right" and it would have made sence because it's already evident in the show.

Amethyst should have been the one at the playground, she doesn't even have to drop out of the sky, its AMETHYST! she can totally just be hanging there.

They did her so dirty! At the end she even gets pissed off about having to stay longer to fix the thing SHE had a problem with.

Don't get me wrong, ist an invaluable message and Im totally on board but gurl what happened?

Hit the image limit... Gonna make a part 2 and get back on the original point oml

[mislamicpearl]

Thoughts on Danny Phantom: A Glitch in Time

If you want the tl;dr of my thoughts on this graphic novel, it's simple: I LOVED IT! And I want moooore!

SPOILERS GALORE BELOW

I'm soooooo happy with all the dialogue and characterization, it is just spot on! I could perfectly hear the original voices of the characters saying these lines, this comic could literally be a new episode of the show and it would fit seamlessly! No 2020's slang or memes, no wokeness that wasn't there before, just pure Danny Phantom. The only few indications of the comic having been written in 2023 is the use of words like "selfie" and "goat", and those are already old enough now that they don't feel that blatant.

Needless to say I'm sooooo glad this story's main premise is on Dark Danny, the fact that that storyline never came back in the show was always a sore spot for me. And not only Dark Danny but Vlad AND Clockwork come back for major parts to play? This is like the most wish fulfilling fanfic ever, except it's CANON!

But yeah, love that Vlad got to come back, it's always funny when he has to work together with Danny, AND the fact that he gets a redemption of sorts at the end fixes one of the many things I disliked about the show's finale - it had always felt like this was a villain character that could have and should have gotten a second chance to do some good.

Ahahaha I had completely forgotten that Tucker was made mayor of Amity Park in Phantom Planet, and ngl it was a great move on the comic's part scrapping that idea immediately, that had always been pretty silly.

I wish we could've seen just a little bit more of Danny interacting with his parents now that they know his identity as a half ghost, but considering they weren't major characters in this plot (and considering how things end up) it kinda makes sense.

The important thing is that we still got lots of cute wholesome hugs between Danny and his friends. :')

Aaaaaah Dark Danny is so cool! The art style was really cute but the author also managed to make Phantom look just as dark and menacing as he was in the show.

The best and most disturbing joke was Danny seeing that Vlad still had a clone of him in stasis, ahahaha! And this actually comes back to play an important part in the plot later!

I'm glad Valerie got some moments to shine in this too, I never liked how her and Danny's whole thing was just kind of rushed and brushed aside in the show's finale. Now we can see, she still doesn't completely trust him!

If there's just one thing I fault this comic with, it's the whole glitching through different timelines thing to make filler action scenes. I felt like they ate up page time for nothing.

"I put you two in the ground before, I can do it again" HOLY FRICK THAT'S DARK, DANNY!

I really love the lore surrounding the ghosts that was added. Given that Butch Hartman has said the ghosts aren't actually deceased spirits of real people, the explanation given here actually makes the fact that we have ghosts like Poindexter, who was a living boy once, make sense without negating what he said. It also very simply explains why we have weird formless or creature-like ghosts, something I'd never even thought to wonder about.

I did think it was a little too easy for Danny to get his powers back after that explanation (and dang, as if he hasn't been compared to Spider-man enough XD), but I love what it did for Vlad's character arc.

I don't know how I'd never thought before about Dark Danny and Vlad interacting but WOW I needed to see that! God what a deliciously complicated relationship - Vlad literally adopted this version of Danny and made him who he was! And again, what a great way to develop Vlad's character making Dark Danny show him exactly what would result from him getting what he'd always wanted in making Danny his protegee!

Clockwork Dark Danny looked so cool~

"Why was I the one who lost everything?" God this part punched me in the gut. 

Clockwork returning Danny and his friends back to the status quo of the show would usually annoy me, but I totally see that this is the author's way of undoing the results of Phantom Planet and leaving the story open to doing the ending over again - and I'm all for that! You know, if in fact we do get more comics after this.

Which it seems like we will because we kinda left Valerie on a cliffhanger there?

And Dark Danny is now a kid again and back with Vlad, heck yeah! Again, I need mooooore! Bring back Dani next!!

5 stars man, this is a continuation done right in every way!

[thewayhavenchronicle]

53, 54, and 57 for Nell and Farah please!

53. Would they ever go skinny dipping?

"Farah!"

Nell's harsh hiss is met with nothing more than a delighted cackle as another piece of clothing hits the ground. They can feel themself flushing, fixing their eyes firmly on one of the trees nearby instead of their soon-to-be very naked girlfriend.

"What?" she laughs, and the sound of soft footsteps approaching makes Nell's jaw clench. "No one's around. Live a little."

Farah's hand tugs teasingly on the hem of Nell's sweater and they gasp, hands coming up to grab at the hem in panic -- which just makes her laugh again. They screw their eyes shut, shaking their head.

The sheer thought of someone walking up on them without any clothes on in the middle of the river is...

Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

"Suit yourself."

They aren't entirely sure whether that means she's going to put her clothes back on or not -- but the sound of a loud splash proves them wrong.

They open their eyes curiously, finding her wading into the water with a sigh. She casts a teasing glance back over her shoulder, golden eyes catching the moonlight in a way that could only ever be described as ethereal. Lifting her shoulder a little, she sinks deeper into the water with another sigh.

"The water's warm from the sun still. You should come in."

They stand there for a moment, wringing their hands. They know they're not the most exciting person in the world, and they always worry that Farah's going to get bored with them. Maybe...

Their fingers shake a little as they pull their shirt over their head -- the air is cool against their skin, sending goosebumps facing over their skin, but any chill is quickly chased away as Farah whoops with excitement. They laugh a little, delicately setting their shirt on the ground and reaching for their skirt next.

They chicken out of pulling everything off, content that their bra and underwear is already terrifying enough, but Farah seems excited that they're even willing to do that as they wade into the water after her.

She's right that the water is warm, though it's nothing compared to the heat of the way Farah seems to be drinking in the sight of all their newly revealed skin. She sinks deeper into the water, grinning wickedly as she swims backward a little -- and then she lifts her hand, crooking her finger to beckon them closer.

They feel very much like they're under her spell as they follow her deeper into the water. When they are both comfortably in the water deep enough that it reaches their shoulders, she slips her arms around their shoulders, pressing up against them and grinning at the way their breath hitches.

"...alright?" she asks, tilting her head.

Nell laughs a little, wrapping their arms around her waist and nodding. "I... yeah. Surprisingly."

She snorts. "Good."

And then she kisses them, and the combination of her lips and the slickness of their skin brushing against each other under the water makes them feel hot all over.

Maybe skinny dipping isn't as scary as it seemed like.

54. Who’s more likely to carry the other to bed?

"...what are you doing?"

Farah pauses, one arm already under her girlfriend's knees, surprised to find them already looking up at her suspiciously. They'd fallen asleep on the couch about a half hour ago and Farah, being the loving girlfriend that she is, had thought it would be cute to carry them to bed.

The look they're giving her says otherwise.

"I'm... carrying you to bed?" she says, though it comes out as a question rather than a statement.

Nell snorts, but Farah doesn't move away. Their eyes shine with uncertainty as they say, "I don't... think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"I -- Because I'm -- I mean, look at me."

Their face is red, heart beating erratically in their chest. She doesn't understand why they look so embarrassed, nor does she really understand what the problem is.

"I am looking at you?"

"Then you should know how big I am."

"I... guess?"

They blink. "I'm fat."

Farah frowns, tilting her head. "Still not getting the issue, Nellie."

"Wha-- I don't think you can lift me. No one has been able to lift me since I was a kid."

Farah blinks -- and then snorts with laughter, tightening her grip around them. They look very adorably flustered by that, and she almost feels bad, but she's already too enamored with the idea of being the first person to carry them like the royalty they are. Fixing them with a smirk, she tightens her grip a little more and stands easily, cackling when Nell yelps, arms clutching at her shoulders like they think she's going to drop them.

"Babe," she laughs, leaning in and burying her face in their neck as she giggles. "Babe."

"...shut up."

Farah just laughs more as she turns and starts to make her way to their bedroom.

"Forgot about the super strength?"

"...yeah."

"You're so cute."

"I hate you."

Farah laughs, and they laugh with her. It's very cute, and it's even more cute the way they yell a little when she drops them on the mattress unceremoniously. They are only just settling on the bed when she hops up into the air and flops onto the bed beside them, making them both bounce as the room fills with laughter.

She loves them. So, so much.

57. Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

"Farah."

"Yes, babe?"

"What have you put in my cart?"

Nell had only been turned away considering a new appliance for their kitchen for a few minutes. They hadn't even pulled away from the cart, really, but...

"Please, Nell?"

A pile of DVDs from the dollar bin is the least of the things that Farah had somehow snuck into the cart. There are also game consoles, complete with a couple of video games, as well as several sets of new pajamas. Nell blinks, and then looks up at their girlfriend who is making a very convincing set of puppy-dog eyes at them.

They sigh.

"Fine," they say, placing the appliance they wanted on top of everything else. "I guess at least you aren't trying to feed me different foods out of curiosity."

"Actually..."

"What now?"

She grins sweetly. "Last time you'd had that wine you like, you smelled so good."

Oh.

"Can vampires taste it when people have been on a certain diet or if they're on drugs or something?"

That seems to take Farah by surprise, and she straightens up a little. Tilting her head, she asks, "Are you... asking me what your blood would taste like?"

They shrug. "I mean, who isn't a little curious? And it's not like I have that magic blood that Saoirse and Nori have. What's the danger, really?"

Farah's jaw drops. "I... um, yeah. You can, kinda."

"...do you want to taste mine, later?"

Farah spends the rest of the shopping trip thoroughly distracted, to the point that she wonders if they'd meant to do that. It doesn't last all that long, though...

Her girlfriend's blood is sweet, just as she'd expected.

[mermaidsirennikita]

what are some trends you like about current historical romance (say, the last 3-5 years?)

Lol it's a.......... mixed bag.

--more hybrid/indie/small press that is basically indie authors; it's happening very slowly, and it's nothing compared to the prevalence of erotic romance, monster romance, alien romance etc in that space. But just like PNR kinda died out from traditional publishing (or at least became a space where only a few established giants could survive, and not at the rate they once did) and was reborn in indie pub, not exactly in the same way but through monster romance, fantasy romance, and yes still sooooome more conventional PNR, I think HR may have to go more indie to get a new lease on life. I think that as authors like Scarlett Scott, Elisa Braden, etc. see success with indie/hybrid, as you see more established trad authors release these novella collections like Joanna Shupe and Eva Leigh have when teaming up with more indie-known authors like Sierra Simone, Nicola Davidson, and Adriana Herrera (her historicals are trad but I think she had some indie output before?), it will become more "normal" for historicals to be self-published/indie, but. It's taking some time. I just feel like a lot of young romance readers are getting books off KU more than ever, and there needs to be more HR taking that share. That accessibility will make it easier for readers to take a chance on it and hopefully see that it's not all dusty Heyer repeats.

--Slooooowly HR seems to becoming more diverse, but it's still got a long way to go. There have long been books about people of color and queer people in HR. We need more. Books like A Lady for A Duke, Something Fabulous/Something Spectacular, A Caribbean Heiress in Paris, the Davenports, are good. We. Need. More.

--I don't honestly know that it's happened enough for it to be called a trend, but I hope...? It will? Kink and non-monogamy (not that these things go hand in hand) being more popular. Nicola Davidson writes kinky historical romances and has for a while, often with menages involved. Scarlett Peckham has been writing explicitly kinky HR. Her Avon books, I will say, are *less so*, but her next book does feature non-monogamy. I love kink in romance, and it's ridiculous to me to act like it didn't exist until recently. I think non-monogamous happy endings should also be represented. I would LOVE to see more alpha-type heroes with femdom heroines. (I am... letting this idea percolate in my mind.) The Duke Gets Even being marketed as a book with rough sex as one of the selling points, and having that be explicitly depicted (like, leaving bite marks and bruises very intentionally being portrayed as an act of carnal devotion, not something weird or accidental but okay) as a trad romance was cool.

--Less virgin heroines, and those that are virgins being more likely to get down before marriage, and widowhood not being the only way a woman can be a not-virgin. Nellie Young wasn't a virgin or a widow. I don't think either of Sarah MacLean's Hell's Belle's heroines we've seen thus far were virgins (and I doubt the Duchess, at least, will be) and neither were widows. The heroine of Hotel of Secrets is not a virgin or a widow. Neither of Scarlett Peckham's Society of Sirens heroines are virgins or widows.

--Older-ish heroines? Or rather, heroines who aren't 20-25. Again, Hell's Belles heroines--Sesily is over 30, I wanna say Adelaide is mid to late twenties? The heroine of Scarlett Peckham's next book (The Portrait of a Duchess) is in her late thirties. Sophie Jordan's next heroine is late thirties. Eva Leigh had a great novella out in Villain I'd Like to F... with a couple in their forties.

--A bite niche, but the "he's into me but he's supposed to be with my daughter/stepdaughter"???? Diana Quincy's Her Night with The Duke, Sophie Jordan's upcoming The Countess, Megan Frampton's upcoming His Study in Scandal.

--Heroes who are LOVELY supportive men once you get to know them, but will also also fuck the heroine into the mattress and won't be gentle about it. I love a horrible hero who needs to get worse before he can get better, but I get that this is a harder sell today, especially in trad. This is a happy compromise. He's a Mark Darcy--might be a bit cool and cutting at times, is ultimately a VERY fundamentally decent man, but yes nice boys do fucking kiss (and fuck) like that. The Duke of Clayborn from Sarah MacLean's Heartbreaker and Lockwood from The Duke Gets Even ARE this.

--Not a trend but I hope it will be: books that are set in somewhere not-UK and not-America. Hotel of Secrets is set in Vienna. I fucking ADORED that book. It was magical. The Parisian setting of (part of) A Caribbean Heiress in Paris is similarly great.

--Not a trend but I hope it will be: authors just saying "I do what I want" with regards to accuracy, up front. Like, do the research and then do what the story necessitates and acknowledge this is fantasy. Alexis Hall has notes that make this clear in Something Fabulous and Something Spectacular. I think it's great. More.

--More intersection with witchcraft and magic. India Holton's books are great examples; I think Alexis Hall's Mortal Follies has some magical realism in a similar sense.

Anyway, these are some!

[red-dyed-sarumane]

kyuuyakus so good not only bc its like the only song heavy enough i can tolerate at loud volumes that can Almost drown out my coworker who never shuts up but ALSO for the points ive said 74times & will continue to,

aru sekai shoushitsu set us up for something super sci-fi, which. yes. the series very much is. but it was so technical and almost coldly indifferent. and then we're given the whole "old testament" in the title & the whole intro reading that isnt far from dantes inferno type content as my good friend emimin pointed out. we've got this new aspect added in and at the same time the lyrics let you know this character's still dealing with the complex technical stuff, from the terms down to the second kanji in ashita being incomplete as though because of a program error or interruption or some other similar reason.

and it feels even more different because theres just so much emotion in this one compared to shoushitsu. all the "bye-bye"s written in ways that express deep pain, the fact that the "see you tomorrow"s are cut off in the way they are the first time, and so drawn out the second time. the genre's not the spacey, distant trance type that shoushitsu is; its heavy, its intense, its got as much to it musically as there are details in the story. it's not just to sound cool, it's getting her state of mind across just as much as the spoken words. the world's being destroyed physically & metaphorically, everyone's suffered this over and over, they've parted ways so many times and its just never something they can get used to, especially not if they want to keep trying to end this whole loop, she's stressed past imagination trying to keep everything in check when its just not possible, & the intensity of the music just emphasizes all of that. there's less intense parts too, sort of like a forced focus on what she's doing that all too quickly builds to a panic. or the in the second part where everything gets so dire, the bell's tolling and she's running out of time, the piano over top of it giving such an uneasy feeling, and then right back to that heavy panic. theres so much emotional charge in it you know the long notes aren't just magu having fun with it; you just know they're meant as screams. i dont even think i can say screams for help, i think she knows shes past the point of help or at least that she's supposed to be everyone else's source of help that it's just stressed lamentation. she's doing everything she possibly can and its not working so all thats left is to cry out about it.

and then u have the rute furute wo a motif in here that's added in under the "fractal wa/kurikaeshita" parts that really hits harder now with kannagi for extra context. knowing that this is in the past & can't be changed and everyone else is using this as a point of reference. then u of course have the nami no ne wo motif, & the longest & clearest instance of it aside from maybe oumen mokushiroku so u know she's herself & gets to live, gets to keep doing this & watching other people die. (although i have absolutely no frame of reference for how long she lives given this is a past event & she doesn't seem to be present in the more current time songs. we dont really have that context yet) & then we're back to the rute motif on top of what still sounds like a jumble of nothing. but i also thought the rute line was nothing and here its a big deal so i cant wait to realize what this other jumble is, considering its also under the last ima kizanda parts.

theres just so so much to it, so many little intricacies that build such a full picture from whats otherwise one of the more simple series songs & i cant love it more.

[4dmc]

I made this vent post quite a long time ago. I still stand by what I've posted, though there are grammar errors AND looking back, I feel that it looks hateful on the og but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Also someone said that they thought I interpreted the og Dante as lacking depth, so I'll clarify now.

I do like DMC. Its oddball blend of gothic supernatural Judeo-Christian themes with a ridiculously cheesy and too powerful for his own good protagonist are always fun and intriguing to try around.

The og Dante, despite all the B-movie Japonized Western Noir shenanigans he has running for, is a man of many interpretations.

I do think Dante has MORE he has going for. Manga after manga of him in it, Dante is shown to have baggage. Kamiya Hideki saying he's "afraid when doing his thing" is nice to know but... I feel like we SHOULD know that by now, right?

To me I think it's not just fear but exhaustion. Perhaps it must be exhaustion. He's killed thousands of demons by now, including his own brother (And Vergil has PLENTY of baggage as well..). And nothing's changed much in his world. That aspect would be nice to explore even further right ..

But it's been 2 decades already, and I feel like despite loads of supplementary media (some are in this vague state of semi-canon? Retroactivity?) about Dante and the characters, there's this distance or gap in between the tone/focus on their stories when we're experiencing them in the games.

Like it's okay to have supplementary media to support the games' on-going narrative..😬.. but I feel like it became the other way around, if that's even what happened.

I also have to say this..as much as I deeply appreciate the DMC fandom's efforts on providing more interpretation on the gaps of the franchise's lore (especially before 5 came out), I can't help feel that Capcom has to really rely on the efforts of the fans when it came to polishing out what were even the events that game didn't provide.

Sure, it's interpretation and lore-diving that has so many of us clamoring like bees to pollen, and it's probably a very lucrative move on their end.

But on criticizing it on how legible it's narrative is structured and the on-going story has gone so far, all I'll say is that I've managed to understand the fandom's collective interpretation and it's trajectories, MORE SO than what Capcom has provided. It's so colorful, and there's at least an understanding of Dante's characterization AND pushes the envelope even further with him when it comes to fanfics, compared to the Too-Safe-Everything-Is-Cool-Again-Nothing-To-Worry-Look-He's-Doing-Wacky-Wahoo-Pizza-Moments-Again!-Isn't-That-What-You-Wanted moments he's always expected to go through..

And now that DMC has Pinnacle Of Combat and an upcoming Netflix Anime (and I'm calling it now, even if it's not from Adi Shankar or the one being teased in the Tudum Drop Trailer, it's still the one that's gonna be made because Capcom has already seen how lucrative enough DMC seems to be for their higher-ups & shareholders and such..), what are they adding and subtracting in the lore now, or is the anime gonna be like Arcane LOL type of adaptation, etc. IDK...

In closing this new mess, I just wanna say that DMC fans deserve a much bolder move on the og as a character.

I remember (quite vaguely, if anybody has any research on this article/artbook, lemme know because I'd read that, I crave for info) how their lead writer Bingo Morihashi has wanted to do something about DMC's story for quite a while now, but Hideaki Itsuno himself advised against such a move because it wouldn't fit the style and expectation about DMC.

If this is true, I'm like ??????? 😨

Bingo Morihashi is a novelist by career. I'm not wondering why so many of the supplementary novels are written AND taken well by the fans because I believe what he has written was always crucial to DMC. However why such skills aren't put in the same vein for the games? The games are the highlight of the franchise! It would be even more lucrative if they had let Bingo Morihashi do his thing (I really want to find this article/written interview..)

Video games today benefit a lot from narrative. It always did but with the tech today, video game screen writing is even more significant today!

I don't blame Itsuno (again if that was true....) because I actually understand because he knows the DMC fans😓 and yes I'm sure his experience with DmC has lent to some decisions from his part.

But imagine the better possibilities with the og Dante. I really think it's been long overdue to push some new boundaries with DMC.

[baenxietydad]

SwynRPWriMo Task #11 -- The Comment Section: Write ten comments your character has left around the Internet

tracker

10 comments left by reddit user u/austinpostofficebox (a reference to Source Decay, a song by The Mountain Goats on Mu-yeol's favorite album) on posts in r/themountaingoats

1. Any love songs without a sense of impending doom?

u/austinpostofficebox (67 upvotes)

I hate to be pretentious but the most beautiful love song I've ever heard is Standard Bitter Love Song #5, an unreleased TMG song that was only performed once in 1992 [link to the song]

It makes me think of the way I loved my wife when she was still alive. The way I always will, except the song is pure joy, no longing.

2. What are some the most underrated mountain goats song in your opinion?

u/austinpostofficebox (15 upvotes)

OP I see your Old College Try and raise you International Small Arms Traffic Blues off of the same album. It's a pet favorite of mine. I'm from Asia, so geographic and historical references outside of the US in TMG songs always really excite me to hear. Like, "cool, John knows the rest of us exist." I love comparing the Alpha Couple's relationship to the border between Greece and Albania, fraught, yet intertwined and there's nothing that can be done about it.

But yeah, my top 10 list would be, in no particular order, and only sticking with released songs:

Distant Stations

Hostages (controversial, because it is less obscure, but I think it isn't appreciated enough)

Some Swedish Trees

Bell Swamp Connection

Alpha Sun Hat

Korean Bird Paintings

Onions

Stars Fell On Alabama

Alpha Desperation March

The Window Song

3. TMG Tattoos?

u/austinpostofficebox (7 upvotes)

I've always wanted a TMG tattoo. I've considered just getting "Matthew 25:21" because A. it would be funny because people would think it was a Bible reference when I'm not a Christian; and B. because I've been unable to be normal about the lyric "you were a presence full of light upon this earth, and I am a witness to your life and to its worth" since my wife died, which would be the reason I'd want it anyway.

4. Hey, /r/themountaingoats, what's your favorite unreleased song?

u/austinpostofficebox (12 upvotes)

Ethiopians, 100%.

"And I can't think of one thing in this whole wide blessed world that's more dangerous and frightening than you when you get bored" hello??? "Good things never last bad things never die" just kill me

Also You Were Cool, but I'm in my 40s and it shouldn't affect me the way it does, but it does.

5. Songs for when you feel hopeless and you need to sit with that feeling for awhile?

u/austinpostofficebox (24 upvotes)

Mobile for when you're begging God to kill you. Autoclave for when you' know you aren't worth loving. Steal Smoked Fish or TG&Y for "life sucks but I'm going to keep wasting oxygen." Balance for an impending sense of doom and not being able to fix it.

6. I want to get into TMG, where should I start?

u/austinpostofficebox (24 upvotes)

I started my partner with All Hail West Texas because it is personally my favorite album. I think he liked it! He doesn't listen to music much. And nobody else has listened to TMG because I told them to, so I don't have a large sample size, but AHWT is a good intro.

If you like the lo-fi vibe, work backwards. If you didn't love it, go to Tallahassee and work forwards.

7. What was everyone's first introduction to tmg?

u/austinpostofficebox (60 upvotes)

In 2002 I was living in Seoul, South Korea. My late wife and I were from Daegu, a city further south. Our apartment building had several American English teachers living in it and I had recently gotten brave enough to befriend them to practice my English. My wife and I were at our friend Henry's apartment when at some point he put on his cassette of Nine Black Poppies. Something about the frantic guitar strumming in Cubs In Five caught my attention and I liked that the songs were wordy but you could clearly hear what he was saying-- I thought listening to the band more would be a fun challenge to improve my English.

22 years later and they're my favorite band.

My brother suggested my partner, who is technologically challenged, buy tickets for me to see them in Bristol earlier this year and I got to take my son. I don't think he likes TMG that much but he knows them because of me, so he had a good time.

8. Any words or phrases you first learned from a TMG song?

u/austinpostofficebox (20 upvotes)

English is my third language and in 2002 I learned the idiom "waiting for the other shoe to drop" from Alphonse Mambo off of Coroner's Gambit

9. Are there any songs where the Jordan Lake Version is better than the original, in your opinion?

u/austinpostofficebox (40 upvotes)

Better: See America Right

Not better, but I can only sing it this way now: Foreign Object -- I like the lyric and melody changes that he did in this version

10. What's y'all's favorite half baked TMG lyrics?

u/austinpostofficebox (32 upvotes)

ONE? There's so many. Though half-baked? I feel like cooked rare more like it. John Darnielle is an excellent communicator.

Woke up afraid of my own shadow, like, genuinely afraid -- the delivery? gut-punch

I hide down in my corner because I like my corner -- bitch, me too

I was sitting in the street. I don't believe I've made it clear what exactly I mean by that. I was sitting in the middle of the street. --been there, mate, been there

Selling acid was a bad idea selling it to a cop was a worse one -- I'd say

Martin calls to say he’s sending old electrical equipment That’s good, we can always use some more electrical equipment! -- can we though?

[capsicrew]

Okay, finally got home and was able to watch the new job trailer (and look at a short list of the updates)

Dragoon/Paladin- I don't play enough of either to really say. Lookin pretty cool with the dragon coming out of the ground and all the swords flying around.

Warrior- Also don't play as much, but I just leveled WAR up to at least 80, so I am impressed with all the big-looking attacks. Really keeping in that WAR spirit of just beating the shit out of your enemy.

Astrologian- I heard they took out the randomization part, which makes me sad. :( But when you get 3-4 cards at once anyway, it feels less dramatic. I hope this means cards maybe have more than just 2 uses split between them again. Also love the space explosions, still.

Dancer- Been a bit since I've DNC'd. Some of those big finishers are lookin nice.

Reaper- I'm not sure that much is different? Probably an effect of it being a more recent job. Like the big attacks--especially whatever that ranged attack was at the end the followed Hell's Egress or w/e. Probably a replacement for the proc'd normal ranged attack. I guess nothing too fancy for Ejvi until we get more BLU content and Beastmaster later on.

Red Mage- I'm glad there's a bit more to the aoe combo than just hitting the one attack (and I read that it now costs 50 black/white mana to cast that instead of the higher number. I always kept forgetting that). Like the big attacks--thought the new big finisher looked nice--Kola will love those big, flashy moves. I hope RDM gets a bit more mobility.

Machinist- Hooly cow--I was already excited about there being an even bigger saw blade that I saw in the benchmark video--but all those extra shooters during the hypercharge phase. Didn't look like anything new for automaton queen, sadly. Biggest disappointment, though, is that it looks like no change for the flamethrower. I hope it gets a damage buff to make it more worth using.

Ninja- Huton... is an innate buff. Finally .... FINALLY I don't have to fucking rush to get huton and hide in very fast before the tank pulls with no countdown the very INSTANT the entry gate is down. Anyway, everything else is lookin good, I'm excited to see how it all comes together on the play side. Bigger frog :0

Sage- Despite it being Capsisi's other job, I also don't remember Sage well, lol. Same as Reaper, I guess... not much seems very different. Just some bigger attacks.

Black Mage- YOU CAN MOVE YOUR LAY LINES. FINALLY!

Viper- Looks fun. When it hits that big burst, everything was happening so fast I wasn't sure where one attack ended and others began lol. Kola's really going to like playing this job.

White Mage- Ooohh... white mage gets a gap closer but SCH and AST don't okayyyy (lmao)

Monk- I heard they were changing a lot about this job's rotation, so it was a bit hard to compare. I liked seeing, like... overflow chakra. I think I read a lot of jobs are having some mechanics slightly changed to help avoid gauge loss and such. That's comforting.

Dark Knight- I uh... wish I remembered DRK better. Tanking makes me anxious, so I don't really play it in group content (healer less and less and less over time, too), so I forget some of those skills. Likin how it looks !

Bard- Kinda like that the songs aren't attacks any more. It wasn't always a problem, but will certainly be more useful for those times it would be. I also like that Pitch Perfect now does aoe damage. I think I read that the procs are getting combined into one proc, that'll be helpful when transfering from aoe to single target rotations, or vice-versa. That big music-magic attack at the end is cool, both visually and conceptually.

Summoner- Solar Bahamut, lmao I do like that as a contrast to "Lunar Bahamut." A shame the lack of job-specific quests means we wont be seeing much reason for its existence. I wish we could summon Alexander instead, lol

Samurai- Man, if I could remember which samurai attacks had which names, I could probably say more. I those different follow-up attacks to the main damaging moves. Beutiq is probably going to be too busy with a different job to worry about it...

Scholar- I was briefly impressed by chain strategem having a follow-up attack and then the player put on the angel costume and I was flabbergasted lmao. Jalliim putting on his magic angel costume to descend into aymeric's bedroom lmao (I really like it, is what I'm saying).

Pictomancer- I didn't watch the full explanation of the rotation, but I was really happy with what I was seeing in the job trailer. Pictomancer looks like its gonna be really fun, it's time for Beutiq to have a good time. I love the little chibi madeen. And I was laughing at the hammer. Just thinking about Krile and Beutiq holding their looney tunes ass hammers like just like lmfao

Gunbreaker- finishing strong on a job I barely remember lmao I'm sure the real GNB players are impressed

thats all I got, I'm excited about many of these additions