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cuziloveyou7 · 4 years ago

Text

Festering feelings

Pairing: Bokuto Kōtarō x gn!reader

Wordcount: 1.7k

Warnings: angst, mentions of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Also kind of mentioning eating disorder?

A/n: I know I said I don't like angst and stuff, but since I'm a walking angst piece right now... here ya go! I did it! Someone help me out bc idk how to do tw! If I missed something please tell me! Also please bare in mind that this is my first real fic after not having written anything for 7 years.

This is not proof read, I made this around 1.30am bc I had an idea.......

It was slow, very slow, yet very fast. The first thing that happened was just build up tension. You were mad, frustrated. You needed to vent but didn't want to bother anyone. You would usually confide in Bokuto but he was so busy. The Olympics were coming up and he was training so hard. Each time he came home he was even more tired than the day before and the day before that. So you just did what you always do, suck it up and keep your mouth shut.

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You were slipping. You felt it gradually happening. Not like the times before, when for the most part you didn't know what was happening. No this time you knew.

A week. That's all you could handle. Slipping up here and there, mentioning tiny details to your best friends. Until eventually you just wanted to scream on top of your lungs on the highest building you could find at that moment. Luckily one of your friends caught on and asked you out for a walk around the park.

The two of you talked for hours. Finally getting it off your chest. It felt like such a relief. You felt like the situation was under control again. Nothing wrong. A false alarm? Or maybe just in time before the damage was out of anyone control.

Another week passed. You absorbed yourself in work, house duties and watched some episodes of your favourite anime. You cherished the little time you could spend with Bokuto and loved the stories he would tell you about the team. Your best friend also checked in on you, because they were still worried about you even though you brushed them off saying all was well.

But that nasty tiny feeling inside you was still there. A little unconscious, but festering each day, oh so slowly.

It started with getting tired more often. You blamed it on work. But even on your days off, you would wake up feeling exhausted. You would be so drained even when you did nothing but watch TV or play games to pass the time.

The next thing that happened made you more aware of your situation. Your friend asked you to go out for a walk again. You guys talked, gave an update on what was bothering you but switched the topic to an update about your friend's life. While they were telling you about their life you noticed you weren't exactly paying attention. Your mind wandering off to nowhere, zoning out of the conversation. You felt bad. Your friend had been there for you, listening to all your problems and yet here you were not really paying attention to them.

The same goes for Bokuto. He would come home, ask you how your day was and continue with telling you about his. As much as you loved his stories about the antics of Hinata and Kageyama or the other players, you actually couldn't be bothered in the least. Responding with a 'really?', 'Oh yeah...', 'that's nice'.

Next came closing yourself off. You just wanted everything to get over with. Counting the minutes down for when you could finally go home from work and curl yourself in a blanket on the couch. When Bokuto came home you would usually be "too absorbed" in whatever was playing on the TV or you would already be in bed, blaming it on work or just being tired.

You started losing interest in all the things you liked. You couldn't occupy yourself anymore. The days became longer and longer. You started losing your appetite. Only eating when your body basically screamed for nutrition and even then you would sometimes ignore your own body's scream for food.

At some point, you were just so done. Not caring to force a smile on your face anymore. Plain up ignoring your friends when they texted you. And when Bokuto would come home. The lights would already be out and you would lay in bed with the covers over your head and your back facing him.

Usually, Bokuto picks up very fast on your moods and emotions. Having gone through his well famous emo modes when he was younger. The two of you were always open and honest with your feelings and emotion towards each other. It was something you guys as a couple prided yourselves on.

It was also something you especially needed. Having gone through horrible panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Talking yourself down was/is also something your very good at. And Bokuto picked up on that very quickly when you just started dating.

To some Bokuto seems very carefree and not aware of his surroundings. But in actuality, he's very emotionally intelligent. So he struck up a conversation you would've never guessed you'd have on one of your many dates. Bokuto eased you into it, told you about his emo modes and made you comfortable enough to let you open up about your experiences. This actually helped you go past the blockade that was stopping you from making this relationship official.

But with Bokuto training for the upcoming Olympics and him being away from home more often than not, it was easier to go unnoticed for him and easier for you to slip and fall into a deeper depression.

After weeks of walking around like a zombie, you finally broke down. You had a day off. When you woke up Bokuto was already gone. He texted you later that day saying he would sleep at the training centre because training would go on longer than normal.

It had been a beautiful day, the weather was nice, the sun had been shining, the warmth of summer started to peek through. It would have made you giddy had it not been for the nasty pest growing bigger and bigger inside you. When dusk came you felt it bubbling up. You tried really hard to ignore it. Tried to soothe it with some episodes of your comfort anime. Tried to pick yourself up and pamper yourself with some extra steps in your skincare routine but it was all in vain. Once you stepped inside your shared bedroom you felt the tears trickling down your face. Through your tears you searched for your earbuds, plugging them in and searching for the best sad songs playlist you could find. Shutting off the lights as you lay down in the middle of the bed.

At first, you just lay there, looking up at the ceiling, silent tears streaming down your temple, past your ears into your hair. You felt the tears slowly make their way past your scalp until they finally touched the soft pillow behind your head. You turned your head getting uncomfortable from the feeling of your tears. The pillow your head lay on smelled like him, it's smelled like everything you loved, comforted, his favourite shower gel, a hint of sweat, it smelled like warm sunbeams on an early summer morning, it smelled nice. This made you break down in sobs, which became louder the longer you went on. You stuffed your face in his pillow, threw the covers around you, trying to silence your sobs and screams. They were too loud for you, agonising pain shot through you. You felt alone. Spiralling deeper into a dark hole that was your mind.

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When Bokuto stepped inside your shared apartment he tried to be as silent as he could. The lights were out, a sign that you would probably be asleep already. While trying to get his shoes off Bokuto debated whether or not he should wake you up. He noticed you being unusually tired and sleeping earlier than you normally would. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall, 9.04 pm. A soft smile crossed his features. Maybe he was a bit selfish but he decided to wake you and tell you about his surprise day off coach gave the team. Shuffling around in the dark apartment trying not to bump into any furniture he neared the bedroom door.

The smile Bokuto had on his face disappeared in an instance. His heart dropped when he heard your muffled sobs. You sounded tired. As if you had been crying for a while now. Bokuto rested his head against the door, gripping the handle until his knuckles turned white. How could he not have noticed it before? Sure he was busy, but he always noticed when you started feeling down. Was he not paying attention to you? Had he been too absorbed in his own world? Why didn't you tell him anything? You guys told each other everything. What got you down like this so bad you wouldn't open up to anyone, not even him. But most of all, he was angry, angry at himself for letting it get this far.

But right now that wasn't important. What's most important is you. Without further hesitation Bokuto softly opened the door and stepped towards the bundled up form on the bed.

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You felt a cold rush of the air when your blankets lifted up from you. Goosebumps made their way onto your skin. But it wasn't long before you felt a comfortable warmth surround you. Nothing like the suffocating warmth from your blankets. Two strong arms held your body. You didn't have to look up to see who the arms belonged to.

No words were spoken between the two of you. You started sobbing a little louder again until you felt the soft vibrations of Bokuto humming. Taking your earbuds out you looked up at the man 'Kou..' you sniffle softly, but before you could continue Bokuto laid your head back on his chest and started petting your head 'It's okay now. I'm here. Let's just stay like this okay? We'll talk tomorrow' he gave your head a soft kiss before continuing humming again.

Tired from all the crying combined with the soft vibrations coming from Bokuto humming you closed your eyes. Your worries drifted away, tomorrow was another day. You would tell Bokuto everything. But for now, you felt content, safe in his arms. The bad feelings slowly subsiding for at this moment, he was your light, he was the warmth you were desperately searching for, he is your home.

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okaybutlikeimagine · 5 years ago

Note

Hi first of I spend last night reading through so many of your asks they’re AMAZING. It got me thinking about Billy’s first birthday at the cabin. I feel like he wouldn’t tell anyone about his birthday because they were never a big deal for him and they’d discover it was his birthday a few weeks later and they’d feel really bad about it. So they pick a day in the next week and treat it like his birthday as a surprise and Billy is completely overwhelmed by the all love. Thoughts?

First off: you’re so damn sweet, @kingsandsaints, goodness me thanks hun ♥ (also this was so long ago but I legit started writing this right after you asked it god i’m so sorry it’s taken this long to finish)

Second OHMYGOD i love this idea so much!!!

Okay, legit the only person who knows the exact day of Billy’s birthday is Max. Like, not even Steve knows.

Billy just never talks about it. And I mean never. For as much of a ham as this boy is, he doesn’t actually like all that much attention from most people. Especially the people at school. He’s so sick of them- he’s so sick of everyone hanging off of him and touching him like he’s there to be touched. Like he’s there as their toy to play with. Like he’s there for their entertainment.

He gets so fed up.

Bc Billy is no open book. He’s real good at keeping his emotions pushed down and hidden away. He’s a private person and he’s very adamant about that because, as far as he’s concerned, no one needs to know any of his business. And his birthday is very much his business. It’s his day, his life, his choice on whether he wants to tell people and his choice is… nope.

He debated telling Steve this year just to hold it over his head bc Steve was being a bitch and Billy just wanted to hang out and smoke and suck the boy’s dick or something. But he decided against it. bc if he tells one person, he runs the risk of way more people knowing and then they fuss and they coddle and they pay way too much attention to him and he doesn’t need that.

So his birthday comes and goes and no one is the wiser. Hop picks a small fight with him that morning about drinking out of the milk carton, El accidentally scuffs a pair of his favorite boots as she was stomping around the house, and he got a C on his math test even though he finally felt fucking good about it. His teacher gives him so much attitude and he wants to pull someone’s teeth out.

But it’s a normal day. And he’d rather take the comfort of a normal day over the extravagance of some day people decide they’re obligated to be ‘nice’ to him. He doesn’t need that shit. He doesn’t need fake pity or kindness.

But, y’know… he still goes out with Max.

Bc she’d be pissed if he didn’t at least see her on his birthday. She’s gotten bratty about it. When his birthday comes around she likes to cross her arms and scowl and pout and stand in his way until he gives in and drives them down to the nearest ice cream place so she can buy him an ice cream cone or something. It’s really stupid. He thinks it’s stupid. No he doesn’t smile at all on their little adventure, thank you. And if his chest feels warm when she hands the ice cream over with that smug look on her face that Billy can’t help but think she learned from him… well he’d never ever admit to it.

This year is no different. After school he forgoes hanging out with Steve or heading home to cart El around to wherever she wants to go in favor of driving Max to the nearest ice cream place, which happens to be the next town over.

They’re bantering and bickering with each other, Max asking if she’s still the only one he keeps in his life who knows about his birthday.

“Yup.” He says, fixing the cuffs on his jean jacket. She rolls her eyes.

“Seriously? It’s still a secret?”

“Yeah, and you better keep it, you brat.

“Shut up, what flavor do you want?”

He puts his hands on his hips. “You know what I always get, Roc-”

“Yeah, yeah.” She turns to the person at the counter. “One… two scoops of Rocky Road please.”

Billy eyes her suspiciously.

“In a dipped cone.”

“Alright, what’d you do.” Billy asks, fixing the cuff on his other sleeve.

“Nothing.” Max sounds tired.

“… you break one of my records?”

“No!”

“Scratch my car?”

“Oh my god, no.” She’s rolling her eyes.

He gets down to her level, eyeing her curiously, lifting an eyebrow and then the other before asking:

“You kill someone?”

“Shut up, Billy! Oh my god.”

He straightens out with a dark chuckle. “How am i supposed to know? You’re not exactly the generous type.”

“You’re so full of shit.” She grabs the cone and shoves it his way (as if that was easier than him getting it himself, which it definitely wasn’t) before ordering her own scoop of strawberry.

They sit and enjoy the kind of humorously comfortable silence that only they have with each other before Max breaks it.

“You need to tell someone.”

Billy hits her with a look.

“I’m serious, Billy.”

“Yeah, so am I, brat. Who gives a fuck about my birthday?”

“Well no one if you don’t tell them.”

“Exactly.” Billy stares at his cone as he takes a large lick. “Looking to keep it that way.”

Max rolls her eyes. “You’re so damn stubborn.”

And billy goes about the rest of the day and then the rest of the week, more than happy to be stubborn as fuck until…

Well until one day in the next week where everyone’s acting… strange. Really strange. All antsy and secretive around him, quiet about the way they speak to each other and giving him these weird glances that make him think he’s out of the loop. Make him know he is and this is the shit he tries to avoid. He doesn’t like the whole “not knowing” thing. He likes to be in the know.

And that’s all what makes him dread coming home that day from school. Steve said he was too busy to let him come over but wouldn’t say why (Steve is the worst liar Billy’s ever known. He wonders if he’s just a bad liar to Billy or if he’s this way with everyone) so he has nowhere to go but home. And it’s not even fear in his body, it’s just nerves because there’s something going on and he doesn’t know about it.

So he walks up to the house quietly and slowly, eyes shifting over to the window before he reaches the door to see if he can see anything but the curtains are closed.

And then he’s opening the door slowly, trying to prepare himself for whatever’s going on, probably overpreparing himself if he thinks about it too much, and-

“Surprise!”

Billy flinches.

Bc while he was definitely prepared for something, some kind of surprise, potentially for his birthday (which he wasn’t actually dreading. Not that he would admit to it), he wasn’t prepared for confetti being thrown in his face.

Billy covers his eyes, wiping the little pieces of paper off.

“Oh, honey!” comes Joyce’s voice. Billy begins rubbing at his eyes and sees a blurry vision of Joyce gently taking hold of El’s arm. “Try to avoid his face.”

Billy groans a bit. He tries to make it sound like he’s not irritated.

“What’s going on?”

“Happy Birthday, Billy!” comes a chorus of voices that sounds like Max, El, and 2 quiet Byers brothers.

Billy shakes his head, scanning the people that are there, trying his goddamn best not to let his face split into a smile because… because… well what the fuck.

Everyone’s here. El, Max, Jim, Will, Jonathan, Joyce…

And Billy is absolutely beside himself. He never quite understood that phrase until exactly this moment. He feels like he’s viewing this from a spot slightly to the left of where he is, watching himself watch in awe at these people that are… that are his, aren’t they? That went out of their way… stopped their day, honestly, just to do this. To celebrate him and his existence and this is a little ridiculous. For a second he remembers why he finds birthdays a little silly. They’re all looking at him with smiles on their faces like they’re just happy he’s here and it’s… it’s just ridiculous. Why?

He scans his surroundings in a second, though it feels like slow motion. He sees the streamers along the ceiling that were probably placed there by El (with the help of Hop), a banner in the back with ‘Happy Birthday Billy!’ written on it that was definitely painted by Will, blue balloons floating around everywhere with curly ribbons hanging off of a few of them, a couple of gift-wrapped presents on the coffee table, and then his… his family, standing right in front of him, beaming like he did something right.

He shakes his head again, the words still floating through the air.

“It’s not my birthday.” Billy says in vain, because he knows that’s not the point here. A couple of chuckles hit the air, but Billy’s still eyeing the decorations around him.

“We’re making it your birthday.” Comes Will’s voice, and Billy turns to see him smiling wide. Billy rolls his eyes, biting the inside of his bottom lip to stop the smile forming.

“You guys are-”

There’s a knock at the door behind him.

He takes a second to turn, still dealing with the slight shock flooding through his system that only deepens when he finds Steve on the other side.

Steve’s smile widens quickly.

“Happy Birthday.” He says like he’s saying ‘I love you’ and it makes Billy’s chest burn.

“I-”

“I got you something.” Steve says, pushing a (poorly) wrapped present into Billy’s chest, forcing him to take it. It’s heavy.

“You guys are ridiculous.” Billy mumbles down to the present he’s now holding close to his chest, fully aware of his face turning pink. And it only gets pinker because Steve decides to lean over and kiss Billy’s cheek and he’s gonna riot. He’s gonna fight someone for making him feel so seen.

Billy’s still standing in the doorway when Steve yells out “I brought the cake!” To the rest of the room and moves around Billy to walk into the cabin.

Billy stands there for a minute, willing his blush to go down before he closes the door and ventures into prey.

And it’s… quite the evening. Hop puts on one of Billy’s favorite records and helps Joyce make burgers and homemade french fries (that are either very crispy or very soft) for them all to eat. As they’re getting the food ready, El pulls Billy to dance with her and Will and Max as Jonathan shows Steve where to put the birthday cake and Billy is…

Billy is kind of floating in place, being pulled around by El to the beat of the music and he kind of just wants to sit. El notices Max drag Billy over to the sofa, so she grabs onto Will instead, spinning around with him.

“Happy birthday, jerk.” Max sits on the sofa.

Billy flops next to her onto the couch in response, looking at the decorations around him before absent-mindedly pulling on the ribbon of one of the balloons.

“Do you like your party?” Max asks, leaning forward to look the boy in the eye. He just kind of scoffs a bit.

“I… I dunno what to do.” Billy says, pulling the balloon down to eye level before letting it float back up and doing it all over again. It’s an oddly nervous gesture that he doesn’t feel he has very much control of. “This is so… awkward. This is why I didn’t want anyone knowing. Birthday parties are so dumb.”

“It’s just because you’ve never had one.” Max says, punching Billy’s shoulder lightly. He pulls the balloon back down again so he can bat it into Max’s face.

“Hey!” She shrieks a bit, swiping it away.

Billy notices Jonathan walk up to them then, and he looks up to find Steve has gotten swept up in the dancing.

“You good?” Jonathan asks, settling himself next to Billy to watch his brother and El spin poor Steve around like crazy. He hands Billy an opened beer bottle. “Courtesy of Hop, by the way. He said the birthday boy deserves one.”

Billy chuckles as he accepts it. “Thanks. And yeah, I guess.” he mumbles up against the lip of the bottle before taking a swig. “S’just weird.”

“Don’t like parties?” Jonathan asks with a smirk on his face.

“Not really.” Billy swats at Max’s hand as she reaches for his bottle.

“Hm… I don’t believe you.”

His grin is smarmy. Billy glares weakly at it. “I don’t. Not parties about me. What’s that thing about big parties having more privacy?”

Jonathan laughs. “Are you quoting The Great Gatsby?”

Billy shoves his shoulder into Jonthan’s. “I don’t fucking know! I guess? There’s something… different about people looking at me when I don’t really know them. It’s easier that way.” He takes a nervous swig of his beer.

“Well, if you want, we can all ignore you for the rest of the night.” Jonathan offers with a smirk, leaning back on the sofa. Billy grabs a pillow from the couch to shove into Jonathan’s face.

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious. I’d be more than happy to ignore you. Easiest birthday gift I’ll ever give.”

“You’re so nice to me, Byers.”

“I know, my generosity is endless.”

The two are near laughing with each other when Max makes a confused noise next to them.

“You guys are weird.” She says with a scrunched up look on her face. She’s going to get up to join the dancing when Joyce and Hop call everyone to dinner.

And it’s… it’s nice. The food is good and the conversation is fairly easy. Hop and Joyce ask Billy a few questions about how his day was and how he feels now that he’s 18 and how he’s a really “handsome and confident young man” (Joyce’s words) that may or may not make Billy tear up and have to hide it in his burger. He’s thankful that Jonathan notices something’s up (maybe even gives him pity, though Billy doesn’t want to think about that) and changes the subject while Steve puts a comforting and warm hand on Billy’s thigh.

The conversation shifts away from him and he’s thankful for it. They joke around and laugh and smile and then Hop’s putting on a different record as they sit Billy down to open up his presents.

And this is where he feels every bit of awkwardness, because everyone’s sitting around waiting for him to open the presents that they specifically bought for him. Waiting for his reactions to these things that are being given to him with the implication of putting a smile on his face and it’s just… the weirdest sort of pressure?

And he likes these people. They’re like… they’re his family now. So he can’t even just not care about how they feel about his reactions. He wants to make them feel good about what they gave him.

But it’s really not that hard, bc, lo and behold, these people actually know him pretty well. It’s a… weird feeling. He can’t remember the last time he got a present from someone who actually cared this much. Max hasn’t bought him a present ever bc he makes such a big deal about hating his birthday. But here he is, a little bundle of presents in front of him and he… he feels spoiled. It’s a first that’s been happening for a few months now. Every day that he gets that spoiled feeling feels like the first time bc it’s so alien. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it.

So he opens them up slowly. There’s a little gray box from Will, with a cool as hell charm on a chain inside. It’s a little skull, delicately painted in various metallic colors. It almost looks mosaic from the paint.

“It’s an earring.” Will explains in a nervous, bouncy kind of excitement. “I found the charm and then painted it.”

Billy’s amazed at the detail. He musses up Will’s hair with a smile and gives his thanks, taking his own earring out to put his new one in.

There’s a very poorly wrapped present leaning up against the table, labeled “From El and Max ♥”. From the shape of the crinkly, potentially used wrapping paper, Billy thinks he has an inkling of what it is. He still acts shocked when he opens it, if only just for El.

“Skateboard!”

And my lovely friend @okayshitbird helped me out w/ ideas for presents for Billy and had this WONDERFUL idea of 1. Max yearning to skate w/ Billy again bc we both agree that Billy 120% used to be a skater back in Cali before he got a car AND taught Max how to skate. And also 2. El wanting to learn to skate bc she thinks Max is so cool and i think we can ALL agree that we were ROBBED of Max and El skating w/ each other. SO.

Billy opens it up to find a skateboard. And it’s like… a nice one. It’s clearly not brand new, it’s got a little bit of use on it’s wheels and a couple scratches already, but it’s obviously close to new. The deck itself is pretty sweet, too. The pattern is neon and psychedelic looking, and it takes a couple of seconds for Billy to make out a picture of a frog with large eyes, hidden in the chaos of the pattern. It looks… familiar.

Bc @okayshitbird ALSO had the wonderful idea of El and Max maybe possibly asking Heather for help in lifting a skateboard they may or may not have seen in the Lost and Found at the pool. And Heather definitely rolled her eyes, but she thinks Billy’s kid sister is funny so she did it for them for the low low price of a package of her favorite bubblegum. She’s nothing if not kind and generous.

But Billy remembers when he had to confiscate this. He shoots a skeptical look at the girls.

“Looks kinda… familiar. Where’d ya get it?”

“Oh uh… we may have had some help-” Max begins before-

“Heather!” El cuts in.

Max covers El’s mouth. “It doesn’t really matter where we got it, does it? But it’s yours now!” Max hurriedly grabs the board and places it down under the coffee table. “Alright, next gift.”

The next gift is in a paper bag with a little bow placed on the front. Billy pulls out the gift.

“A sweater?” Billy asks, looking to Hop and Joyce, who he assumes this is from.

“You need warm clothes.” Hop says flatly.

“Fine-”

“For the love of god, please don’t rip holes in it.”

“Fine.” Billy says with more attitude this time, putting the bag down and seeing something at the bottom of it. He looks in curiously to see a $20 bill folded up neatly. (keep in mind, back in0 1985 that’s like… $50 bucks by today’s standards.)

Billy shoots Hop a knowing look and Hop gives a nod and a little smile.

“Thanks pops.” Billy says with a little smile of his own, shoving the sweater back in the bag. He feels a little weird about pulling money out in front of everyone, so he doesn’t, but he wants him to know he appreciates it.

“Yeah yeah.” Hop nods and mumbles into the lip of his beer bottle.

The last gift on the table is the one Steve shoved at Billy.

“Best for last?” Billy mumbles a snarky little thing in Steve’s direction, revelling in the embarrassed look Steve gives.

“No no, it’s nothing.” Steve says nervously.

Except obviously that’s wrong. Bc obviously Steve 1. Is very rich and 2. Spoils Billy absolutely rotten (or at least…. As much as Billy allows for). And hell- the present is HEAVY. Like…… there’s definitely something in that box.

And Billy’s honestly irritated when he opens it. Bc goddamn it Steve…

“Do you like it?” Steve is wringing his hands.

It’s a portable stereo. Like… a brand new one. An expensive one. Billy doesn’t have one- he left his old stereo back in his old house, not wanting to carry anything he didn’t need in the move. When he listens to music he either forces Jonathan to let him use his player or he listens to records on the record player out in the living room or he just… sits in his car.

“Woah.” Jonathan mumbles, leaning in a little closer from his spot on the side chair to look at it.

Billy’s heart is fluttering.

“Billy?” Steve asks, voice obviously nervous but Billy’s a little caught up bc goddamnit. He’s… he hates being spoiled but this thing is sick and then Steve’s hand is reaching out for his knee and Billy kisses Steve’s cheek quickly and knocks his shoulder into him.

“Thanks, pretty boy.”

And Steve is blushing and so is Billy and Max is smirking and Jonathan notices Joyce is about to start cooing like she always does so he decides to save Billy from the embarrassment. Someone give him that “brother of the year” award already.

“Well open it, I wanna see.”

So Billy tears into the box, taking the stereo out and shit it’s nice. All metallic blue and steel and buttons and dials and shit it’s gonna sound so nice.

They cut into the cake (Billy refuses to let them all sing happy birthday to him, even though Max and El still do, as loud as possible, as Joyce cuts everyone a slice)(Billy tries to tickle them to get them to stop, but they just dodge him) and if Billy is feeling warmth in his chest, he’ll blame it on… heartburn or something.

It’s not too long after everyone is done with their cake that Joyce yawns, claiming herself tired. Jim nods, giving Billy the biggest bear hug possible- y’know, to really embarrass him- before heading to get ready for bed. He throws in a “Happy birthday son.” for good measure as well, to which Billy, with a strained voice as he’s being squished, says “S’not my birthday.”

El attacks Billy with a hug, Max right behind her and joining in.

“Happy birthday, you idiot.” Max mumbles. Billy pulls at her hair. Max swats at his arm before getting dragged off to El’s room to probably listen to music or read comic books or something before they crash for the night.

Billy’s the one who initiates a hug from Will, bc the sweet boy, bless him, is standing there so awkwardly, feet moving nervously with each other, mumbling a quiet “Happy birthday, Billy.” Billy doesn’t let that slide though, grabbing roughly onto his shoulder and pulling him into a tight hug, giving a gruff “Thanks, pipsqueak.” bc Billy doesn’t even try to hide it: Will is his favorite of the kids.

Joyce is still moving around the kitchen, putting plates away and refusing help from Steve, moving even after the plates are all put away, wiping at the counter like it needs to be cleaned even though it doesn’t, when Billy catches Jonathan’s eye.

Jonathan brings a hand up to his mouth, pretending to bite at his nail before his fingers move to look like he’s smoking. Billy nods, and Jonathan gives a little smile, turning to Steve and nodding at him. Steve, however, is oblivious. Bc Steve doesn’t know their weird little ~signals~ they give each other bc Billy and Jonathan always seem to be talking in some kind of code. They’re so weird w/ each other. No one understands them.

So Steve is confused.

“What?”

Jonathan rolls his eyes. Smoke. Jonathan mouths, but Steve’s eyebrows furrow.

“Smo-?”

Billy grabs Steve’s hand. “Get outside, moron.” Billy mumbles, pulling him towards the back of the house, where Jonathan is already lazily walking to.

“Oh, Billy! Can I uhm…” Joyce begins, obviously nervous. “Can I talk to you?”

Billy’s nervous now, too.

By the time she’s done digging through the drawer for whatever it is she’s looking for, Jonathan and Steve are already out on the back porch. She’s holding an envelope with a ribbon tied around it.

“I uhm… I know it doesn’t really matter as much… now that you’re 18 and all. But here’s my present to you.”

Billy eyes it curiously, taking gentle hold of the envelope, untying the ribbon, opening it up.

And thanks AGAIN to @okayshitbird for the idea bc-

“It’s the adoption papers. For my side. If you want!”

She’s so nervous but Billy’s only vaguely aware now bc… Bc his heart is dropping. She wants him to be her son. Like… for real.

She’s still rambling a bit, talking about how she doesn’t wanna force him and “you don’t have to” and “I just wanted to give you the option” and-

Billy throws the papers onto the counter to hug her. Bc goddamnit this comes with a lot of emotions. too many emotions but the good outweigh the bad and he’s a little overwhelmed and-

“Thank you.”

Joyce gives a strong hug back.

“No need to thank me, honey.”

And so she sends him a warm smile and a quiet “happy birthday” before heading to bed. Billy goes to tuck the papers back into the envelope. He places them in a safe spot in one of his drawers in his room.

When he gets outside, still a little shocked, Jonathan’s finished rolling the joint and is laughing easily with Steve.

“Finally.” Steve says, pouting a bit and reaching for Billy. “Jonathan’s been ribbing me this whole time.”

Jonathan shrugs lazily. “Somebody has to.”

“I get enough from him.” Steve says, pointing to Billy. “I get all I need from him.”

There’s some kind of insinuation in it that makes Jonathan gag.

“Please stop now. He’s my brother.” Jonathan pulls a face.

Billy’s mind is a little busy. Gets even busier at the word brother. The other boys notice.

“You alright, babe?” Steve asks quietly. Billy turns to Jonathan.

“You’re… you’re actually gonna be my brother, now.”

“Huh?”

“Joyce is adopting me.”

Jonathan’s silent, eyes getting wide. “Really?”

Billy nods. Steve breathes out a bit. Everyone understands the implication. Bc they know Billy now. They know how important this is for him. They know this is big.

They’re quiet for a second.

“Damn, does this mean I have to be nice to you?” Jonathan asks before the placing the joint in his mouth and lighting it. Billy laughs.

“If you are, I’ll send you to the psych ward.”

“No need.” Jonathan says, exhaling smoke and handing the joint to Billy. “They’d send me away for being too crazy.”

“That sure?” Billy asks before he inhales.

“Once I get to talking about the monsters that abducted my brother, yeah.”

Billy and Jonathan laugh. Steve has a bit of a harder time keeping up with how the tone shifted so quickly. He’s not sure he’ll ever understand these two.

They each take a couple of puffs on the joint in silence before Jonathan jumps to life again.

“Oh, go grab your fancy new stereo and put this in.”

He tosses a cassette in Billy’s direction. Billy has to unwrap his arm from around Steve’s shoulders quickly to catch it.

“Oh shit, Motley Crue’s new album? Sweet. I didn’t know you like them?” Billy’s in awe and Steve leans in to look at the track list.

“I don’t.” Jonathan chuckles a bit. “It’s for you, genius.”

Billy looks up in confusion. Jonathan rolls his eyes.

“Happy birthday.”

“Serious?”

“What? God forbid I buy you something?” Jonathan asks, standing up a bit to accept the joint from Steve. “Just get your stereo.”

Billy chuckles back a thanks.

And so they listen to the tape. Jonathan admits he was deciding between a few (Ratt, AC/DC, or this) but picked this tape bc he doesn’t hate the song “Smokin’ In The Boys Room”. Steve admits he thinks every song sounds like the last and gets a slap on the thigh from Billy, who huffs harshly on the joint at the words. Jonathan makes eye contact w/ Steve to let him know he agrees. Then Billy decides that the heavy guitar of “Save Our Souls” is too seductive and hot not to start making out with Steve, to which Jonathan makes a gagging noise and gets up.

“Gross.” He groans, standing up and burning the last of the joint out. “I’m heading to bed.”

Billy waves at Jonathan from where he’s locked onto Steve’s lips, but Steve pulls away to give a proper goodbye, his face red.

“Uh, g’night Jonathan!”

“Yeah, goodnight.” Billy mumbles into the skin of Steve’s neck.

Jonathan rolls his eyes, but Billy doesn’t see it.

“Just don’t fuck on the porch.” Jonathan says flatly before heading into the house and being careful to close the door quietly.

“You’re so embarrassing.” Steve chastises before pulling Billy back up to kiss him soundly.

They make out a little more, sitting just like that, listening to the music nice and clear on his new stereo.

“Did you have a nice birthday?” Steve asks quietly, rubbing Billy’s sides.

“Yeah… but I still think you’re all ridiculous.”

Steve laughs, leaning back in for another kiss.

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brief-candle · 5 years ago

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αℓεα ιαcтα εsт - various kny x reader [1]

reuploaded bc my tumblr is being stinky >:(( update: still being stinky. for some reason this isn’t showing up in any tags no matter what i do and i’m so confused? bc the second chapter’s showing up??? idk :/

also was wondering if y’all would be interested in seeing some art that i do sometimes, bc i’ve kinda been getting back into drawing lately!

THIS IS A YANDERE SERIES. JUST SO YOU KNOW. I WILL WARN OF ANY TRIGGER WARNINGS IN FUTURE CHAPTERS, BUT THIS ONE’S NICE AND TAME!! TY FOR READING AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!! <3

GENERAL OTHER STUFF TO KNOW BEFORE YOU READ: MC (READER) IS FEMALE; THERE IS A BUNCH OF CANON DIVERGENCE; MANGA-ONLY CHARACTERS WILL APPEAR IN LATER CHAPTERS, THOUGH I DON’T PLAN TO DEAL WITH ANY PLOT ELEMENTS THAT DON’T APPEAR IN THE ANIME.

edit: chapter 2 is out!!

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The sun was high in the sky, beating down on the trio that were treading unfamiliar ground. The scenery looked very much like that which they'd seen countless times before, but that was to be expected to an extent. They were in the same country that they'd always been in, after all, however that didn't alleviate the sense that something was amiss in these parts. These parts that were so close to where they'd always been, yet seemed so completely and utterly different all at once.

"Tanjirou...!" One of them wailed, as usual. He was already a couple of paces behind, but had really began to drag his feet over the last couple of metres. Though this behaviour was very much usual for the wailer, Tanjirou didn't act annoyed in the slightest. Not that such a thing was surprising in any way- Tanjirou was too patient and kind for his own good sometimes.

He turned to face the boy, who was barely making an effort to catch up, while the third begrudgingly stopped also. With eyebrows slightly furrowed in concern, he asked: "what's wrong, Zenitsu?"

Zenitsu- the wailer- was huffing and puffing when he finally made it over to Tanjirou. It appeared difficult to even stand up straight, as he wavered and wobbled with each slight and rare gust of wind.

Still wheezing, he gasped out a desperate question, "are we nearly there yet?"

Tanjirou stared at him for a moment in silence, before sighing deeply.

"Hey- what was that for?!" Although completely out of breath just a moment earlier, it seemed that his energy had been restored enough to begin to screech. It was whiny and hurt the ears, though that was probably its purpose, knowing Zenitsu. It was no wonder why he couldn't get married when he began to speak using such a tone of voice; it truly was grating on the ears. Never mind his whiny begging, clinging, desperate tone and actions mixed with his general perversion. If you happened to be feminine and breathing, chances are Zenitsu was interested.

But I digress.

Their companion snorted before erupting into a fit of mean-spirited cackling at the blond's outburst, having held it back from even his initial whining. This only served to fuel Zenitsu's irritation, leading to his pitch raising and voice increasing in volume as he began to (attempt to) berate the boar-headed male.

"Zenitsu..." oh dear, it seems that Tanjirou is tired of this situation. He even pulled out the 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' tone of voice and expression.

Zenitsu noticed this immediately, quieting down very soon after, only to pipe up with a, "yes?"

"This is the third time that you've asked in five minutes."

"And?!" And suddenly, his enthusiasm that he could have been putting into walking and actually getting somewhere instead of simply complaining returned with a vengeance, arms flailing with fury as he did so, "we've been walking since dawn, and you're telling me that we're not there yet?!"

Tanjirou nodded.

"No way...!" His voice lingered long after he'd collapsed to the ground, lying there like a starfish and staring at the sky with a gaze like that of a dead fish.

"Hey, Zenitsu, are you alright?" Tanjirou- bless his cotton socks- had asked without a moment's hesitation as soon as it had happened. However he did make a very strange noise of confusion soon after, if that counts for anything. Either way, though, he was still staring down at his friend with a very worried face. Their friend, on the other hand, only began to snicker louder at such a display.

"This is the end for me, Tanjirou." Said Zenitsu, not even glancing in Tanjirou's direction as he did so. Each word was monotonous, too even in tone to be from Zenitsu. "You must go on without mE-"

His even-toned speaking evolved into a high-pitched shriek as he was dragged up and slung over the shirtless male's shoulder- him still cackling- before the latter began to sprint away.

"Hey, Inosuke-!"

"INOSUKE, PUT ME DOWN, STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP--"

Tanjirou didn't even have time to sigh again before he had to sprint after them, lest he get left behind. Though even if he did, he supposed it would be easy to find them without even having to sniff them out, with the obnoxious laughter and the terrified screaming. For such a normal, kindhearted boy, he certainly had some strange friends.

They kept running along the path until the sun flew over them, now threatening to disappear beyond even more hills. However the scenery here was rather different, with large fields of grass to the left and crops growing to the right. It was well-organised and looked well-maintained, however Tanjirou didn't even want to know how many people would have to work so rigorously to maintain the land.

"Oh, are you boys demon slayers by any chance?"

It was sudden, abrupt, and caught all three of them off guard. Perhaps if it didn't sound so gentle and feminine then they'd have reacted a bit more quickly and with a bit more force. However they were glad they didn't when they saw the owner of the voice: a young woman, ordinary-looking by all means, but with a certain twinkle in her eyes that looked very amused by what had just happened. And for good reason, too, as one had screamed, one had turned so quickly that it was surprising that their neck didn't snap, and the other grunted. Except it was more of a surprised grunt if anything. Though it was extremely hard to tell the difference between each type of grunt.

"Did I scare you? I'm terribly sorry." She bowed politely as she spoke, each word matching her reserved and respectful demeanour. However she clearly wasn't adept enough at hiding how much enjoyment she'd gotten out of witnessing such strange reactions, as the corners of her mouth struggled to not turn upwards.

"No, no, it's fine; there's certainly no need for a lovely lady like yourself to apologise!" Of course, this was Zenitsu speaking, having recovered rather quickly from his screech that was much more ladylike than any lady that the other two had come across. It was clear that he wanted to move on from that as soon as possible, in some vain hope that this person might be the one that was sympathetic enough to marry him. So far, he'd had no luck. And he was growing more desperate by the minute.

But as he tried to grow closer, he was soon flung a couple of metres away in an instant. Such an event was followed by the woman's scolding voice. However, for once, it wasn't Zenitsu getting scolded. Instead, in an unlikely turn of events, it was something getting scolded for his sake. Every now and again into her scolding session, a whinny attempted to be heard, only to result in even more scolding. Tanjirou and Inosuke only looked on, minds just as blank as their faces. What does one do in such a situation?

Well, upon realising that Zenitsu was bleeding, Tanjirou very quickly decided to try and help him. Inosuke merely watched on for a moment, before making a sound of awe and withdrawing his swords from their sheaths with a rather terrifying cackle,

"What a beast! If I can take it down, then-"

"Please don't try and fight my horse."

"Inosuke!"

-----------

It had taken a while to sort everything out, so much so that nightfall was but minutes away. Thankfully, even after the Inosuke incident, the woman had been willing to let them stay in her house for the night, perhaps more if Zenitsu needed extra rest. His friends already knew that he'd play on the illness card just to continue trying to court the poor girl, but it was something that they simply couldn't hope to change.

"She's really kind, isn't she?" Zenitsu gushed to them in the shared room that had been provided, "giving us all this stuff, even after what Inosuke tried to pull." It was impossible to miss the annoyance lacing his voice as he mentioned Inosuke, who had now taken off the board head and was lying on the best futon available. Not because he deserved it, but because he refused to move off it for Zenitsu who, despite his ulterior motives to his injury, was indeed injured.

At that, Tanjirou grew curious, "Inosuke, have you never seen a horse before?"

"Horse? You mean that thing that Zenitsu lost against? 'Course not!"

'Course not?

"Inosuke..." Oh, how Tanjirou wanted to explain everything wrong with what was just said, but that would require too much time and too much energy for the night. A night which had followed a hectic day which was extremely tiring.

He glanced over at the box he'd been carrying all day, lips pursed slightly to accompany a conflicted expression. Was it alright for Nezuko to come out here, when their host could walk in at any second? It would be difficult to explain their situation, especially to someone who may have lost their entire family to a demon. It could also be dangerous to Nezuko to be put in such a position. And so he shuffled over to the box, opting to sit near it rather than to open it.

"Sorry, Nezuko," he murmured, patting the wooden walls of the box carefully, "but you'll have to stay in there for a bit. I'm sure I can let you out for a bit tomorrow, if we're still here."

Inside the box, there was a bit of shuffling to be heard. But soon after was an acknowledging grunt, one which Tanjirou thanked her for, face forming a bright and beaming smile. It was just in time that he'd shuffled back to his futon, as the woman knocked upon the door and entered very soon after. The relief he felt knowing that he had narrowly avoided a sticky situation was immense, though he had to admit that he felt a little bit nervous when thinking of what could have so easily taken place instead.

"Sorry to interrupt," she said, a tray in her hands. Immediately after shutting the door behind her, she placed the tray on a nearby table, sitting beside it. "I made some tea, if you'd like some. I figured it'd been a long day for you all, so I decided to make some tea to help soothe the body and mind." Her words were spun like silk, with a quality to her voice like warm honey. The tea merely became one of the many aromas which wafted around the house, mingling and mixing to form one very odd (and quite overpowering) smell.

Zenitsu was (predictably) the first to join her, singing her praises to the heavens. She merely accepted them with the humility and grace that they'd come to expect from her, and so they all began to sip their tea in comfortable silence.

That is, until she was the one to shatter the comfortable atmosphere.

"I'm sorry for how abrupt it may be for me to say this," she started with, glancing briefly into each of their eyes before returning it back downwards to her own cup. It was held between her hands, and she squeezed it ever so slightly before continuing, "but I fear I must ask, lest anything undesirable occurs."

After one more sip, which felt so drawn out that it was as if she had sipped it until it was all gone, she began to elaborate: "Please, no matter what you hear, do not go out after nightfall."

That was certainly not what they were expecting to hear, especially being demon slayers. Their whole occupation was to fight demons, which required them to go out at night. It was safe to say that such a thing was a very odd request. Even if she had phrased it more like a demand.

Indeed, as she began to speak of that which she wished of them, her voice seemed to drop the kindness that they'd grown to associate with it. The honey that she wound into each word was cut loose, leaving that which she said with a bitter taste in their mouths.

Well, not Inosuke's. He, after chugging the rest of his tea (which was still very much piping hot), asked with little to no hesitation: "Why?"

The girl clearly wasn't expecting this, blinking owlishly twice before repeating the question with a slight tilt of the head.

"Yeah- why not? We're demon slayers, after all, so it's not as if the demons pose a threat." As usual, Inosuke was cocky and boisterous in everything that he did. His words were drowned in such an attitude, his movements were made from them, his expressions screaming them. Still, it did little to affect her, who sharply poked a hole in what he'd said without a moment's delay.

"Really? Then does Kibutsuji Muzan not pose a threat? Or the Demon Moons?" This time, even her eyes had dropped the gentle and kind mirth to them. It was difficult to recall the last time that she'd blinked as she sat there, the sharp colours found in her irises standing out much more in the dim candlelight as she bore holes into he who spoke against her.

Before he could speak up again, she rose to her feet, staring down at them all. Perhaps it was the fiery and temperamental glow of the candlelight rather than the calm and natural light from the sun that accentuated the tense atmosphere- so tense that perhaps a knife could not even slice through it. Perhaps it was also the lighting that made her seem much more ominous than she had at any other moment, that made the scowl she wore more menacing than it would be. It would have been a question as to whether she'd been scowling at all, whether her lip had been curled that much and her eyebrows furrowed so deeply that the skin between them crinkled, had she not spoken so coldly and with a tone so clipped.

"There is a difference between confidence and foolishness. Perhaps it would be best that you learn this difference before your next fight."

This humble farmer, who'd chuckled with them just a few hours before and boasted little more than a simple yet productive life, uttered sentences in which wisdom, the kind which could be born only from experience, ran like rivers. Yet when prodded when she let them slip, she merely brushed it off, claiming a relative used to say it. Or something to that extent.

She bowed then, deeper than ever before, and after excusing herself had disappeared into the darkness of the hallways.

No conversation stuck that night, and sleep had a similar pattern when it finally came.

-----------

Despite struggling sleeping, on edge due to events that never ended up occurring, the three awoke a bit after daybreak. It was about five minutes later that a knock on the door echoed through the room. It was rather surprising to find the woman who was so moody and distant the night before, looking so chipper and energetic in the morning. Once again, she brought in a tray, bearing a simple breakfast for them all and accompanied by some more tea. She placed it on that table once more, removing the other tray at the same time. Once again, she excused herself, though this time it was with the same merriment that they'd expected from her before the occurrence of the previous night. It seemed so hazy now, almost like a fever dream.

However they knew it wasn't. They knew it was real, without even having to confront each other about it. Although she never brought it up and cleverly avoided giving them a chance to, they didn't doubt for a moment that what had happened the previous night was equally odd and true.

And so, while she excused herself from the house very soon after taking away the almost untouched tea from the night before, they concocted a plan. It was morally very wrong, but their curiosity overturned their morals in this place. Not only was her behaviour rather odd, but the more that they thought about it, the house was rather odd as well.

"It smells so weird..." Tanjirou had found himself to be the first to complain about the house. The smell was beginning to irritate him with how powerful it was, so much so that he couldn't even begin to separate the different scents and their origins. Such a thing was so simple for him to do usually, yet he was unable to do so here. It was unnerving to think about; a demon could attack at any notice and he wouldn't even be able to know.

Inosuke was next up: "y'know, I was excited and all at first with how soft the floor is- I mean, where else do you get floor that's soft? In a house?!" The more he thought, the more he got distracted by how much he liked the softness of the material under his feet and hands, and how it separated in between his fingers and toes but was still so soft-

"Get on with it, we don't have all day," Zenitsu commented bitterly, quite upset that his most recent crush wasn't honest and trusting of him, someone she'd met literally the day before.

"Ah-" and Inosuke was brought back to present day, clearing his throat, "but yeah, I can't even feel anything else apart from how fuckin' soft this floor is. And the house!" He slammed open the door to the hallways, terribly startling Zenitsu in the process, "Is full of it!"

Zenitsu's heart seemed to be racing too fast for him to be able to participate in their little chat for a bit, but thankfully five minutes with a cup of tea had calmed his nerves. Not before he began to mutter very angrily about Inosuke under his breath for 'trying to kill' him, mind, but with a gentle prod from Tanjirou he began to share as well.

"I've never really come across anything like it..." he mumbled, quite ashamed of it as he dug a finger in his ear, "and it might sound kinda stupid, but I can't hear anything through these walls."

It took a moment for that one to sink in- such a thing seemed impossible. However he soon added on to what he said.

"Well, actually I do hear some stuff. But it's really faint, even though I can't hear stuff that's right outside."

"Like what?" Tanjirou immediately asked. This prompted Zenitsu to think deeply, staring up at the ceiling and humming for a moment.

"Dunno. Footsteps? They sound kinda far, though, so surely that's not it."

That was true. And so the trio began to think a bit more, staring at different places in the room and humming to themselves as they did so. Tanjirou even began to talk to Nezuko about it, even if she couldn't respond. Seeing as their host wasn't in the house currently, he deemed it safe to let her out and wander around a bit to stretch her legs. She had been in that box for over a full day, after all.

Then, as he watched her toddle around, an idea struck him.

"Wait, Zenitsu!" The sudden outburst shocked the aforementioned male, but (thankfully) not bad enough that he needed more tea and a time-out session.

Tanjirou pointed at his younger sister, who stared up at him questioningly, "how loud are Nezuko's footsteps?"

It was a strange question to ask out of the blue, but with how serious Tanjirou looked, Zenitsu replied as soon as he processed it, "pretty loud. Way louder than even Inosuke's."

This prompted an irritated growl from Inosuke, who looked ready to brawl with Zenitsu over the implications of that statement.

At this, Tanjirou lowered a fist onto his open palm, an expression of realisation on his face, "then what if they are footsteps?"

This question seemed even stranger at first glance- how could they be footsteps when footsteps from right outside the room couldn't even be heard? It just didn't seem logical, especially when the one that was navigating the hallways wasn't even very stealthy from what they'd seen of her. But then it clicked, and Zenitsu's face paled at the very notion of it.

"You can't mean-"

"Yes, I do." His face was deadly serious as he stared at Zenistu, ignoring Inosuke's persistent pestering to know what was going on. The latter's questions were answered anyway when he elaborated: "I think there's a demon in this house."

-----------

"Tanjirou..." Zenitsu was barely able to speak through the chattering of his teeth, which was the one thing that didn't falter about him as they headed down the stairs. Even Inosuke was being quieter, not uttering a single thing, nor even laughing at the blond's misery from underneath that boar mask of his. They'd found the staircase from behind a bookshelf, only doing so when Inosuke had felt the drag marks it had left on the carpet that he so loved.

It was dark, and would only get darker the further down that they went. It would be all too easy for the girl to trap them in there if she discovered where they'd gone, but it was a risk that they were willing to take. For there was a chance, no matter how slim, that she may not know of the demon in her house. Or perhaps it is forcing her to provide shelter for it to stay. There were too many possibilities which could mean that she was in danger, and all of them stemmed from the demon being in her house.

"Tanjirou...!" He repeated, a bit louder and whinier this time. Even Nezuko, who had forced them to allow her to tag along, shot him a look of disapproval. And if nothing else shut him up, then that certainly did, for Zenitsu was a creep to the core, and would drop anything that any living girl disliked that he did in a heartbeat. At least it came in handy sometimes, such as now.

There was light further ahead, and Tanjirou could smell it clearly now: it truly was the scent of a demon, and they would have left without knowing such a thing had they not been so insistent before. Sometimes, in rare moments like these and when he was asleep, Zenitsu was truly useful to have around. But then he squealed, and a huge list of reasons as to why not to have him around could easily be thought up.

Either way, there was no point in sneaking around now that Zenitsu had blown their cover so soon. Duct tape would have really come in handy. If only it was invented about half a century earlier. But, alas, this was their fate, and it was one that they had no choice but to live through. They didn't have the upper hand of surprise, but they certainly had the upper hand in numbers.

And if everything went to pot then they could just knock Zenitsu out. Always seems to work a treat.

As they crept into the light of the room, they took note of the figure kneeling in the centre. He faced away from them, though many of his features could be noted of. The first and most bizarre thing to note was the sword laying beside him. At least, it was the most bizarre until they took note of his clothing, which was extremely similar to theirs, though he also adorned a white jacket over the top of it. His hair was a mess of white, tinted with the warm hue of the flickering flames of the torches around him.

He hadn't noticed Nezuko's growling until now, nor her intense and furious glare. If looks could kill, that guy wouldn't even have ashes left.

"You really haven't learned what respect is at all, have you, you damned brat?"

That voice- how could Tanjirou forget that voice? The voice of the Hashira who had attacked his sister from a couple of years ago with a twisted grin all over his face. He was quick to understand Nezuko's growling, and had to hold her back from rushing in to attack him. The one thing that protected him from her was now gone, and he was one of what they hated.

He turned, a similar expression to the one back then written on his face, with those purple eyes still so wide, smile so wide that it split his face and nonexistent eyebrows furrowed. Though his rise to his feet was slow, obviously taking his time, they still didn't attack. Zenitsu's whole body was clattering with fear, clamming up and making him unable to say anything at all.

"It looks like I'll have to teach you myself, doesn't it? Maybe then it'll finally stick, even with a moron like you!"

As a human, he was already extremely quick. But as a demon he was even quicker as he lunged towards them, blade in hand and all too eager to strike.

#yandere x reader #yandere kny #yandere kny x reader #yandere kimetsu no yaiba #yandere #x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kny #kny x reader

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nineteensixtieschikadee · 6 years ago

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Jon Snow and his Two Fathers: A balance between Ice and Fire

You know what I utterly despise about what Double Dicks did with Jon Snow’s character in the show--aside from omitting the whole Azor Ahai storyline, and making the entire R+L=J plot absolutely meaningless?? It’s that Double Dicks apparently “FORGOT” that aside from Ned Stark, Rhaegar Targaryen was ALSO Jon Snow’s father. Now lemme explain what I mean. Yes, the show has established however did NOT PAY OFF R+L=J. And not only was this whole plot line the entire purpose of Jon Snow’s arc, it was also the whole backbone of GOT’s history, 20 years before it began. And Rhaegar Targaryen was the center of it all.

Part of what makes !BOOK Jon such a fan favorite, and why he would arguably make an EXCELLENT ruler/king, is because NOT ONLY does he have his adoptive father’s HONOR AND MORALS, he also has his biological father’s PASSION, CHARISMA AND LEADERSHIP SKILLS. Meaning that while Jon has a strong set of honor and morals--which is known to get you killed in GOT--his passion and natural borne leadership skills help BALANCE those things out that effectively makes not only a WORTHY leader, but also a POWERFUL one.

I started rereading the books again since the show’s garbage now, and just in the first couple of Jon chapters in AGOT you can already see how much Jon is growing and developing into that of a worthy leader. For example, when Jon first enters the Night’s Watch, he is almost somewhat of a formidable bully to the other night’s watch members. Not only because of his ego of being a “highborn raised bastard,” but because he is actually a better swordsman than they are. (Which he proves.) And also because the other members keep teasing him about how he’s a bastard with no mother. It isn’t until Donal Noye calls Jon out on his bullshit, and Tyrion once again having to reaffirm Jon of his identity by letting him know that his title can be used as an effective armor, that Jon beings to realize his mistakes and then tries to become better. And by his next chapter, Jon is already TEACHING the other night’s watch members how to sword fight effectively. He begins to be much more patient with them, and each time they fall, he helps pick them back up.

And it’s not like no one else can see his leadership skills. Like if you didn’t think Jon could become a great king because he lacks, why do you think Jeor Mormont chose Jon to be his successor? From the point when Jeor gives Jon Longclaw, he begins to train him under his wing, because he saw potential in Jon. Jon has the skills and the mind to become a leader. A GOOD ruler. And no, don’t tell me Jon is too dumb to become a good king/ruler. Because !BOOK JON is not. Let’s compare this to Sansa. Sansa stans claim that Sansa would be a good ruler because she was trained under Cersei, Littlefinger, Olenna, Margery, and to some extent, Tyrion? But if you notice, all her mentors are DIRTY. While they are smart, they’re cheaters and DISHONORABLE people. And have proven multiple times that they wouldn’t be good rulers.

Jon on the other hand, has had 3 mentors. Jeor Mormont, Mance Rayder, and Stannis Baratheon. (Technically Jeor is the only mentor. But Jon has served under the wing of both Mance and Stannis.--Especially after he becomes Lord Commander.) Two of Jon’s “mentors” are KINGS. While the other is simply an “ARMY LEADER”. What do all 3 of these leaders have in common? People follow them, not only because they have to, but because they are seen as “worthy to be followed.” All 3 of them not only have effective leadership skills, but they DO NOT have “Shit for Honor.” At least, to some extent. Jeor poses as the leader that knows the REAL THREAT beyond the wall. And that’s what he trains Jon for. Becoming the leader that will become the shield that guides and protects the realm. Mance is King that wants to guide his people to safety because of the THREAT OF THE OTHERS. (White Walkers.) And Stannis the Mannis is the RIGHTFUL KING of Westeros. He is cold and harsh. But he is HONORABLE and JUST. He is the most effective ruler out of the 3, and part of the reason is because of Jon. To those who say Jon cannot be a good ruler, guess who’s the man who suggested Stannis fight the Ironborn at Deepwood, and in turn, win the support of the Mormonts and the freefolk? When Stannis is fighting battle outside of Winterfell, it’s JON who maintains all the political shit for Stannis back at the wall. You can kinda say Jon was acting “Hand of the King,” while Davos was at White Harbor. And you can be damn sure that he was good at it. It’s not up until the Arya--pink letter plot in ADWD where we see Jon start to lose it a little before ultimately succumbing to love over duty.

ALL of these traits and effectiveness to rule, came from one man. HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER, Rhaegar Targaryen. He didn’t get it from Ned, who we we know was a pretty weak Hand for the King. He got it from Rhaegar, the man who conspired to usurp his father from the throne as he was growing madder by the day. (In theory.) From Barristan’s pov, Rhaegar would’ve made a BETTER KING than all the 3 kings he’s served previously. He was DETERMINED, DELIBERATE, AND DUTIFUL. He was also very PROTECTIVE of his people, as claimed by Jamie, who was tasked by Rhaegar to protect Elia and their children. All of that, can be found in Jon. ESPECIALLY in Jon’s chapters in ADWD.

Rhaegar was a natural born leader. He was loved by the people, and people followed him because the people believed in him. Sound familiar? Jon is also a natural born leader, (with evidence from above), and the fact that he does whatever he can to protect his people too. The Battle at the Wall against Wildlings is an excellent example of how Jon leads his people, and how he protects his brothers. This is what ultimately leads him to become Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.

Another trait that Jon took after Rhaegar, was his ability to sword fight. (To all the people who claimed that Jon couldn’t have killed the Night King in s8e3, because he’s not a good swordsman, or wasn’t “stealthy” enough: Fuck you. Lmaoo, jk.) In the books, out of Robb, Jon and Arya, who do you think is actually considered the better swordsman of the 3??? HMMMMMMMM I WONDER WHOOOOO???? While Robb is the better military tactician/commander, and Arya is pretty damn good with a bow, it’s JON who’s the better soldier. In the books, it is known that while Robb was better with a lance, Jon was better with a SWORD. Sooooo that just shat on all fancystans that claimed only Arya was “skilled” enough to kill the NK. LMAOOOO WHY DO YOU THINK THE NK EVEN AVOIDED 1 ON 1 COMBAT WITH JON?? BC Jon was slowing him down? LMAOO K, whatever helps you sleep at night. XDD (I’m still bitter about this one.)

Let’s also talk about Jon’s attitude in comparison with Rhaegar’s. Rhaegar, while being charismatic and passionate, was also very melancholic and very introverted. He was “born with a sense of doom.” Jon while also solemn and introverted, he has a “melancholic temper” to him. (Actually he gets this from both his mother and father. Rhaegar being melancholic, and Lyanna being wolf-blooded.) While Jon does not express his feelings much, when he is overcome with emotion, he acts impulsively. Going back to the “sense of doom,” Rhaegar was melancholic because he was born out of grief in the midst of tragedy. (Summerhall.) Jon, for obvious reasons, because he was a bastard and felt unloved. Who was ALSO born most likely out of GRIEF and in the midst of TRAGEDY. (Robert’s Rebellion.) Both these two were an enigma by the people around them. Speaking of introverted, both these two broody boys loved to read too. And often used it as an escape from the real world.

MORE PARALLELS: Both Rhaegar and Jon broke their vows FOR woman. Jon broke them twice. Jon broke his vows to be with Ygritte, but he BROKE THEM AGAIN for Arya. Interestingly enough, Rhaegar, if he really loved Lyanna or not, still BROKE HIS MARRIAGE VOWS for her. And Arya is a younger, direct parallel of Lyanna. So there is some beautiful symmetry going on here. Also, there is this nice little irony I found, that while Rhaegar represents FIRE, he has a melancholy made of ICE. And while Lyanna represent ICE, she has a WOLF-BLOODED TEMPER made of FIRE. Jon is the balance between those two. And one more parallel: From Ned’s POV we learn that Rhaegar did not frequent, or liked going to brothels. If we play this in with Jon, we learn from Jon that he HATES the idea of fathering a bastard. Which is actually a conflict that prevents him from sleeping with Ygritte on multiple occasions. He’s afraid of getting her pregnant, because he’s a bastard, and that would make his would be child a bastard too.

So yes, while it’s evident that Jon has a lot of Ned in him--more so than ANY of the Stark children--aside from Arya, Jon has SO MUCH MORE of his biological father in him. And yes, it is important that Jon has Ned’s traits. It really puts emphasis on how Jon tries hard to be like his father, and how Ned’s presence and morals still lives even after he’s long dead. But the same should be claimed about Rhaegar too. His presence strongly lives on in Jon. And it shows very deeply, despite nobody knowing anything about it. Actually, you could probably theorize that Ned saw it in Jon too.

This is why I HATE what the show has done with Jon. Other than saying fuck you to the Azor Ahai story in favor of fanservice, and not properly paying off R+L=J, the show ultimately decided to omit ANY IMPORTANCE Rhaegar had in this fucking wretched story. Let’s also not forget, the only reason why everyone’s storyline was there in first place was because of Rhaegar! Rhaegar Targaryen is arguably the REAL MAIN CHARACTER of ASOIAF and by making his whole storyline/character utterly meaningless, almost ALL the plot lines in GOT have become pathetically pointless and in vain. Jon in the books has both Ned’s traits AND Rhaegar’s traits. Adding MORE EMPHASIS to ICE & FIRE. By having both honor and morals, and the INTELLIGENCE to lead, you can be assured Jon would’ve made a good fucking King. His rule would literally be a direct replica of Aegon the Unlikely. Who was considered one of the BEST KINGS westeros had. But nooooooo the show just had to go out of their way and make Jon a Ned 2.0. Jon Snow was removed of all his intelligence and complexity to become a painfully 1 dimensional HONORABLE IDIOT. Where’s the balance? You know who would’ve been good at ruling the 7 kingdoms? I DON’T KNOOOOW, UHHHHH THE YOUNGEST LEGITIMATE SON OF RHAEGAR WHO NOT ONLY HAS A STRONG SENSE OF LEADERSHIP AND POWER, BUT ALSO THE DAMN MORALS AND HONOR OF THE MOST HONORABLE MAN OF WESTEROS AKA NED STARK??????? WHO HAS ALSO TAKEN NUMEROUS LEADERSHIP ROLES AND MENTORED UNDER SOME OF THE BEST RULERS/LEADERS OF WESTEROS IN HIS GENERATION??? But whooops, I forgot, DEEP/GOOD STORYTELLING IS ONLY FOR 8TH GRADE BOOK REPORTS.

Jon though, is highly unlikely to become king of 7 kingdoms in the books though. Most probably just King in the North. But to those who say Jon doesn’t want power and all that, naaaaah. Jon’s always wanted to be a Stark. He’s always wanted to inherit something, or have power in some way. When Stannis was willing to legitimize Jon to get the North, Jon was actually contemplating on doing it. But then he saw Ghost and remembered his vows. So he declines. But Jon’s whole importance is actually to protect the realm against whites. And from the end of Dance, we are getting closer to that direction. Jon’s whole parentage while yes, makes him have the most legitimate claim to the throne, holds much more IMPORTANCE for the war against the Others. (Azor Ahai). However because of this whole AA/WW storyline, Jon becoming king, would make it that much more MEANINGFUL. A king that guarded and protected the realm from those who would harm it. A king worthy of ruling the realm. You can be certain that not only would his adoptive father be PROUD, but his biological father would be too. And that’s the ultimate reward that Jon’s ever wanted.

But Jon’s arc in the show might actually be the same path he might take in the books. It’s a very appropriate ending for Jon to go North of the wall in the end and reject the throne. But holy fuck, the show made it so unrewarding and overall proved to be a terrible ending for Jon. IF GRRM has the same ending for Jon in the books, you can be damn assured that it’s going to be far more superior to his parallel ending in the show, and will be the most rewarding ending for Jon. (Kinda like what happens to Frodo in LOTR.) It will be Jon’s A Dream of Spring after a harsh winter’s night.

( Whether he wants it or not, I’m still hoping for Jon to be King of the 7 Kingdoms though.) This is really long, holy shit. Congrats for making it to the end. xD

#game of thrones #got spoilers #Jon Snow #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #Rhaegar Targaryen #Lyanna Stark #rhaegar x lyanna #Ned Stark #Arya Stark #jonrya #house stark #house targaryen

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