#and not getting hurt at work
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Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
Got bred AND McDonald’s breakfast.
#might have cried when daddy was here because his project starts tomorrow and I’m worried about him getting enough rest#and not getting hurt at work#and when I’ll be able to see him#but he promised he will make time and it will all be ok#I’m just a weenie baby and love him so much#talking peach#🦁#anyway I am (mostly) a very happy girl today
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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i'm So Normal about him
((close ups under cut bc idk he's pretty asdsfksdf))
#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#messmer#messmer the impaler#ace draws#GNAWING ON THE DRYWALL#i lied i’m not normal about him at all#he is so diabolical i need him#his proportions make him look like such a freak#but i'm so into that 👁️👁️#been working on this thing on and off for a few weeks#haha imagine trying to draw a new character based off of like 3 blurry screenshots taken from a 30 second feature in a 3 min trailer#also added a lil reference to the theory that the smoldering butterfly represents him and not melina#this will probably get lost in the sea of messmer fan art but i just had to draw him#my eyes actually hurt#he is SO red
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after jasons death bruce "accidentally" slips harvey a crowbar while hes in arkham and kisses his cheek and says, voice soft and colder than ice, "make him hurt for me honey"
it takes 6 guards to sedate and drag two face off the joker the next time two face sees him and for the rest of their lives as soon as harvey sees the joker he goes after him like a rabid dog.
#harvey voice: you know why im not killing you jokes? cause you can only die once and i want to hurt you so much more than i want to kill you#jason was harveys baby too after all#spent my entire boring work meeting thinking about how robin!jason bruharvey would end in the joker dying no matter what bc of two face#this is all bruciemilfs fault btw. theyve been making me insane about bruharvey#bruce wayne#harvey dent#two face#also bruce doesnt tell harvey to kill or not kill the joker bc he cant request someones death#but he also cant make himself ask for his sons murderer to be spared#i dont think any version of bruce would be comfortable with openly planning someones death let alone actually doing it#but after jasons death he gets so cold and numb to everything that he just turns away from it#he knows hes being too violent.knows hes hurting people too much but the only time hes not remembering how small jasons body was in his arms#is when his blood is roaring in his ears during a fight. maybe if he becomes the worst monster in gothams shadows#no more little boys will go cold and silent. no more fathers will stand in the doorway of rooms that will never be full again
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My biggest fear when I was younger was forgiving those who have wronged me, because it meant I moved on.
#there was a longer version of this convo but i shortened it down <3#anyways- here's a brief concept I though of#it's a conversation between Ford's younger Uni self and Ford's older self (<- A DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN)#how kind do you think the twins would be to their younger selves#we've seen them meet one another's younger counterparts- how do you think they would be with themselves?#the duality of someone who's had the time to work it out and learn to forgive VS. someone whose wound is still so raw and fresh#they can't help but keep poking at it until it gets infected#and the irrationality of holding onto your anger and keep feeding it even though it's doing nothing but hurt you#doesn't necessarily mean you have to forgive- but in the context of the twins- it really isn't doing any good#the fear of letting go meaning that you lost- and the other won#the pointlessness of it all- O! is it not poetic?#anywho <3#my art#gravity falls#grunkle ford#gravity falls ford#ford pines#stanford pines#this is literally done so lazy but i had to get the idea out of my head
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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POV they just told their da shixiong on you
#pov you’re boutta get your ass beat by a 4 ft of kickass#the image of these two tall muscular demons struggling in battle and turning to the tiniest member in their group for help is so funny to me#swk: I heard you were bullying my brothers >:T#and he’s like half their size glaring up at you#would shit bricks personally#journey to the west#jttw sun wukong#sun wukong#journey to the west fanart#digital art#my art#sorry I haven’t posted anything substantial in a while#it’s my last semester and I’m really tryna stay on top of work so I can finally graduate or2#got this joke out tho lol#can you tell I really love my design of swk#I’m gonna pin that design cuz I want more people to look at it#I’m real proud of it sorry#oh right#zhu bajie#sha wujing#jttw zhu bajie#jttw sha wujing#oughhhh my back hurts… (<= old man)
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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sorry these kinds of comments have been really pissing me off recently lol
#it's been kinda hard for me to pinpoint WHY exactly these sort of comments feel insulting#but i think it's mostly because it implies my original work is purposefully and inherently derivative of things i have no connection to#while i think being derivative in art is. kinda unavoidable in a sense (and something i'm aware i do consciously and unconsciously)#it feels like a slap in the face when people imply that my work cannot hold its own merit and need to be compared to#something in the popular conscious#and like sometimes people don't know it's original art which is fine#but it also doesn't hurt to ask if it's original instead of just. immediately assuming or comparing it to something else#i know this will only get more difficult as i continue to drift away from fanart and fan works#but i really want to be able to be proud of my original work and i want to share more! because it's a part of me!!#but its really hard when it feels like i'm always going to be compared to things people care about more!!!! AAAUGH#god. ok sorry i need to get that off my chest. if anyone compares computer angel to TMA again im gonna start eating drywall#fern's sketchbook
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Finarfin Fades.
No one expects it, no one’s faded in Valinor since Miriel. The War of Wrath is won and he comes back, waving off the courtiers, well wishers, and congratulators with his usual grace, and walks into the palace of Tirion. To rooms abandoned since their owners left so long ago. Winding deeper and deeper his feet take him to what was once Finwë’s favourite garden.
He’s so tired.
He’s fulfilled his promise to Fëanaro and Nolofinwë, to avenge them. To make the agony of their final moments - agony Finarfin felt, falling to the floor screaming as fire and darkness consumed his spirit - count for something. Now Morgoth is finally gone, but he’s not the only one.
His brothers, larger than life, larger than death, are gone. With them his sons. Niece. Nephews. Grandchildren. His daughter is never to return. He Saw little Nelyo’s death in his dreams and is sure hopes for the child’s own sake that Makalaurë will be close behind.
Little remains. Even less on these golden shores.
So Finarfin sits on a bench long overgrown with vines and weeds, and watches the sun filter through the thicket, wishing the ghosts he sees in his father’s garden would flesh out.
He sits. He waits.
And by the time anyone finds him, it’s too late.
…at least he’s smiling again.
#au i guess#Every so often I’m hit with Finarfin feels#and it *hurts*#we love Finarfin in this house#my poor guy deserved better#I know Finrod is reembodied but let’s say it would’ve happened after the war#the Valar didn’t expect this though#and they can’t make it better#Finarfin’s lost too much and he’s tired#tired like his half-brother’s mother#and they know he won’t return until his brothers are let out#maybe that’s what finally convinced them to let out Fëanor and Fingolfin#they’re waiting in the Halls btw#the whole fam is#they’re proud#and Arafinwë finally gets some rest#Finarfin#Arafinwë#war of wrath#fëanor#fingolfin#they’re haunting this whole thing#you can decide where Eärwen is in all this#I usually hc her as having stayed with her husband but maybe she leaves in this one#or maybe she’s gone for a few weeks trying to settle the new arrivals before heading back#not my best work but alas#midnight writings yanno#silmarillion#ITHOF Writes
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"Daddy! Mommy's is having Ellie!"
Everyone in the Batfam knows Jason keeps secrets.
Secrets he'd take to his grave a second time if he had to.
But to think one of those secrets would be about the fact he had a secret family.
And the only reason the Batfam found out was because apparently their secret (grand)daughter/sister-in-law Jazz/Jasmine was in labor and their (great)grandson/nephews Danny (Daniel) and Dan (Dante) called him while on a Red Hood job with the rest of the Batfam to panicky tell him their baby sister Ellie was on the way early.
Red Hood books it away from the fam to his bike while asking to put Kori or Roy on the phone.
Oh boy.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#crossover#dp x dc#blue rambles#danny phantom dc#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#anger management#jazz x jason#been a while since I wrote out an anger management prompt lol#deaged or reborn in DcVerse Danny and Dan?#reborn Ellie though#she destabilized to much and need to be actually born#Jasmine fled her home universe after some bad stuff happened while she was in college#Her parents. Good Fentons btw. Had to save Danny. Dan. and Ellie from the GIW#but they got hurt really bad#to the point they were all in their cores#they had to send Jazz away on the Spector Speeder into the portal with the cores she they could grow in ectoplasm and heal#or until she could get them to Frostbite#Jack and Maddie made sure to blow up the lab after they sent the kids into though.#the GIW was on their tail and the Fentons made sure to destroy everything about their portal work and most of the GIW#Jazz was heading to Frostbite but got knocked off course and landed in a natural portal that spat her out in Red Hoods territory#Because Jazz is liminal she can store her sibs cores inside her and does so. she eventually meets Red Hood/Jason#and can tell hes died/liminal like her#either just by being near him or actually getting together she gets 'pregnant' with twins Danny and Dan#or they just form as babies either one works#but Ellie did have to be 'made' though by then Jazz and Jason were already together
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#mywork#tw eyestrain#my eyes hurt drawing this#man feel bad for curly#he cant even blink#constant eye drops#or his eyes just gets so dry til he cries#does his tearduct works?#mouthwashing#tw bright colors
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Some drawings.
I want to get better at these guys!! Especially Papyrus!! His coolness is just too hard to capture on paper I guess :(
Older ones :')
#Undertale#undertale art#sketches#PAPYRUS!!#sans.#Asriel#the dreemurrs...#asgore#toriel#it kinda hurts thinking about them#papyrus is SO hard#messed up a bit :')#need to get better at drawing them#and work on my style D'X#hope someone enjoys it adleast!#have a nice day!!#:D
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i need adrienette to be closer than ever actually. they're both traumatized af i want them attached at the hip and a little obsessed w each other. i want them slightly unhealthy and codependent. they've been through so much shit together and now that they have each other i want them to sink their claws in and never let go
#genuinely i think if this show went the break up route itd be SOOO boring. its too overdone and too easy.#like have the main couple actually work things out for once instead of giving up when things get hard#adrien loves marinette dearly and she loves him desperately. even if i can see marinette distancing herself#or wanting a break for Adrien's sake#i think he'd beg her not to#he cant lose her too#even if shes hurt him he loves her. and he still wants her in his life and wants to love her.#text post#miraculous#controversial opinion maybe but breaking them up would almost feel like a cop out for something more interesting#ml spoilers#ml london special
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padmé is as possesive and obssesive as anakin she just doesn't seem like it. send tweet.
#silly posting#anidala#padmé amidala#anakin skywalker#i have a very specific way of thinking of them and it's that...their relationship isn't abusive but isn't normal nor very sane but it works#and it works because both of them are just so abnormal so their messed-up-ness works well like it balances each other#and it's as good as it can get for the both of them and it doesn't really hurt the other#but if they were hypothetically with another more normal person? oh hell bye#vaderdala is another can of worms though i think a more evil padme sees her husband as someone she owns and vader feels safe with that lmao
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Bare skin, bare feelings.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#blood#Imagine coming off as homophobic to your crush so bad he weaponizes a strip tease against you.#LWJ is just having a storm of bad emotions. His tummy hurt real bad and he was just trying to be brave about it!#WWX is just trying to be a good bro and heal his friendcrush. It worked but not for the reasons he thinks it did.#LWJ's shyness is also hilarious here considering they have bathed together before. Literally nothing there he hasn't seen before.#Granted it was a few years back and before he was left to stew in his feelings.#LWJ is more focused on his pride than being responsible and reasonable (getting is wounds treated).#His arc really is about accepting that he can't be perfect. That there is importance in being honest and vulnerable.#The tragedy is that he realizes this way too late.#Pride is the worst sin because it destroys your ability to protect anything other than the smallest crown in the world.#When everyone is gone and you are left alone - was it worth it to feel safe and protected from showing your flaws?#Control over oneself is in conflict with connection to others. You cannot pick both.#Hanguang-jun appears to us as a 'perfect guy' but the truth is that he is the version of LWJ who is done with *needing* that validation.#And this time - He can properly reach out to those he wants to be close with.
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