#does his tearduct works?

[wildrbst]

[wearehea]

Pandora

Part 1 of 2

Synopsis: Bang Chan is your dance student, but tonight he seems particularly unruly.

Fic content: Smut, softdom!chan, sub!reader, afab reader, dance instructor reader, idol!chan, swearing.

.................................................................................

"Again"

The clock in the dance studio indicates past midnight. The place is sweltering and the mirrors covered in steam, which isn't ideal for a dance rehearsal. But if you're being honest, tonight seems to be a never-ending series of unfortunate events.

You take a sip of water. It's just you and Bang Chan today, working on a piece you choreographed for an upcoming live performance. It's a short two-minute routine, but challenging, even for you. And it has to be flawless. You've been practicing for the last few hours, nitpicking every little detail. Bang Chan, bless him, is being a good sport, going along with it all. Even as you take a breather, he's still trying out moves, completely focused on his reflection in the mirror. Too damn pretty.

"Alright," you cough. "Let's run it again." You press a button on the remote, and the music blasts through the studio. The two of you start moving in sync.

As a dance instructor, you always dance right alongside your students. You believe in involving them in the creative process and boosting their confidence to let loose. You won't be seen in the corner shouting instructions.

Besides, dancing with Bang Chan is a delight. He has technique, strength. But most importantly, he genuinely loves what he does. You can see it in his smile when you teach him a move, in the way he starts singing along without even realizing, or the way he says goodbye with a grin as wide as when he walked in for his lesson. He's the most lovable guy you know, and a dear friend. And sure, you have a crush on him, but who wouldn't? He's totally out of reach. You on the other hand, are like like a magnet for sexist dudes who don't even bother to get to know you. Just like last night.

You miss a step.

"Stop, stop," you blurt out, embarrassed. You repeat it, acting like you know what youre doing. Like Chan's mere presence didn't affect you. But as a matter of fact, this particular part does need some tweaking.

"Let's do that move again," you assert, tapping his right shoulder lightly. "And open up that leg a bit more."

He repeats the step a couple of times, incorporating your suggestions.

"Better," you nod, "Let's take it from the top once more."

You both go for the revised part with the music, your bodies in perfect sync. But your head is spinning, thoughts racing in every direction, your throat all dry and your legs suddenly rebellious. Frustrated, you cut the music abruptly and drop the remote on the ground.

"This isn't working," you whine, sitting down to rub your sore legs.

Chan shoots a worried look in your direction, but doesn't stop dancing right away.

"Hang on, what if"....he tweaks the previous step again, making an even wider angle with his body. Fucking mesmerizing. You might keep this. But he's not the problem, nor the choreo, and you know it deep down. The problem is you. You concentrate on your stretching.

"That's really beautiful, Channie."

The mention of his nickname is enough for him to realize that something really is off with you tonight. You rarely call him that, even if casual settings, always striving to be the most professional. He sits down crossed legged in front of you, frowning.

"What's wrong?" His voice is barely above a whisper, soft and comforting with his melodious aussie accent.

How can he make you melt with two stupid words? You feel the burn of tears trying to climb up your tearducts. Oh no. Say something, quick.

"I'm sorry", you laugh. "I'm okay, it's just...This piece is stressing me out, and we only have a few weeks until the show, and I didn't get any sleep last night and..."

"Oh...Had a fun date night didn't you?" He teases, pinching your arm. You blush instantly. Shoot. You told him about the date last week, how you were so excited to go. Dinner and a movie, what could go wrong? Well, everything did. Still you somehow were convinced it was worth inviting that guy over to your place. Maybe if he stopped talking and started fucking it would be better. Crude, you know, but it'd been a while you did anything other than sleeping in your bed.

"If only"...you moan. "I mostly stayed up wondering why I thought a date was even a good idea. And also, he snored."

"There's nothing wrong with snoring!" Chan protests. I snore, too."

Congratulations, that's your only fault.

"Yeah, but...it's just...just..." You stammer, finally feeling the toll of a sleepless night, slight hangover and hours of dancing. He looks at you worryingly, looking impossibly gorgeous even doing nothing. Why, why...

"And I mean, is it so hard to make a woman cum?" You say. Loudly.

Silence. Since the ground didn't open underneath you like you'd hope, Chan is still here, staring at you with a shocked expression. Have you, Y/N, managed to shock Bang Chan, the guy who gets shirtless anytime he has the chance? No way. But then, he does something even worse, something that makes your body tingle- he grins.

"Sorry", you whisper.

"No need to apologize." He's still grinning from ear to ear. You drop your head into your palms, cheeks cherry red. The both of you keep silent for a few moments. Whatever tension you felt risingup earlier -anger, or lust, or a mixture of both- quietly disappears. Not for long. It comes rushing back as soon as Chan breaks the silence.

"What do you like?"

You look up at him. Uh-oh. That's a sight you've never seen before. He's still sitting up straight, dancer like, hands relaxed between his crossed legs. His eyes are dark though, even darker than usual. He's not messing with you. He's very, very serious.

"I like...."the words roll on your tongue before you can stop them. "I like to be lead."

More silence.

"Makes me feel...Safe, I guess." You shrug. "Sorry, it sounds crazy."

"No it doesn't", Chan frowns.

You can't help the desperate look you give him. Why is he doing this?

"What else?"

Just as you're about to properly ask him what the hell has gotten into him, the studio door opens abruptly.

"Oh...Sorry, you kids are still here?" The janitor asks, not used to see people rehearsing this late. "I'm closing up, alright? You guys take the back door when you leave, it will lock.

"Uhh...Ah, yes Sir", you reply because Bang Chan still hasn't stopped staring at you, which is becoming almost kind of rude.

The janitor smiles politely. You watch him leave, closing the door behind him, painfully aware of the pair of darkened pupils burning into your neck. What if you turn your head and Chan laughs at you for believing he was actually hitting on you? But he doesn't. Instead...

"Show me."

End of part 1.

[takami-takami]

cw: heavy discussion of substance use. use caution. alcohol, drugs.

"I've seen what that does to people, you know," Keigo says, tenderly tipping the glass bottle away from your lips with a single finger.

"What," you slur. "You gonna judge me too, Kei'?"

You sputter, reaching back to tilt the neck of the empty vase above you, stale tongue darting out to catch whatever droplets will grace your drought. He breathes out through his nose; but soft eyes never waver, nor do they lose their empathy.

It makes you sicker than the booze. You scoff bitterly, an action sober you would balk at as abrasive.

"You'd piss yourself if you saw what else little ol' me used to get their rocks off with," you say. Vulgar, but it gets to the point.

Keigo supposes he can't fault you for saying it so crudely, for wanting to scare him away with the truth. You seem to think the mere image of you, as you are, as you were, is enough to drive him to sickness and disgust.

You wouldn't have deployed that method if it never worked, he realizes. The reality clinks against the glass of his heart, cracking it down its bleeding center.

His mind drifts toward images of his mother, of trash piles and hazy eyes, her mouth wide open under the tap of the pouring sink like a fish out of water. Stumbling off to the bathroom, and back for more to quench her thirst, then right back. Shoulders lined with itches, the buzz of a scratched and bloody scalp.

"Dove," Keigo says, sharp in his throat.

You wince as you turn to meet his eyes, expecting to see disgust for your nest of unkempt hair. You expect him to stand up and slam the door behind him, to look down at you over his nose. You expect him to spit words like "I'd never."

Instead, you find the same smile he always smiles, gazing right your way. His eyes pierce down past your manufactured, false barriers, your puffed up feathers and squawking beak. They lock right on to the finch with the broken wing that lives surrounded, protected by bloodied, barbed wire. He reaches his hands over the gates, cradling it in his palms, lifting it to his nose.

Oh. That's right. He's told you before.

He still loves her.

It stings. The burn of your tearducts, the saltwater streamlined down your dusty cheeks.

You wipe them away with the back of your sleeve, sobbing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't leave me. I-I'll be better, I can be good for you. I'm not dirty, I can wash up—"

He swoops down, murmurs of "baby, baby, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

He thumbs the tears away, cradling you against his firm chest as he hushes you.

"Let's get you cleaned up. Tomorrow, we start over."

[dunktape]

can you genuinely, i mean so genuinely not copy a creator who's already been through and is going through rough shit? i thought you were an alt of chocoperrito's, i saw you were "heavily inspired", same style and similar intro, this is plain disrespectful and cruel to do to an artist who's already stated they're not okay with that.

i hope you can find it in your heart to at least apologize to hym.

hey , saw this and genuinely wanted to address it as my intentions are genuinely not to copy anyone , let alone cause harm . summary is all the way down under the cut ( last paragraph )

first of all , i'm sorry to hear that reki isn't doing well . i hope hy'll get better soon , but i couldn't have known he wasn't in a well mental state because i don't want to and can't interact with hys blog . i've been blocked quite a while ago , just after the first post i made on this blog . what happened will stay private as requested , but ive apologised and as far as i know , we made up . hy doesn't want to interact with me and i respect his boundaries .

talking of boundaries , i did not know hy was uncomfortable with people getting inspired by his art style . it is true that i took inspiration from hym , but to be fair all i took inspiration from was the shape of fur . my colour theory was fully taught to me by ashenoranges , round shapes have been inspired by another artist who does not want to be named , the way i draw hands along with cartoon-ish ( and also the round shapes ) by an artist on tiktok whose name i forgot ( but did a lot of utau / fell art , something along the lines of pupbiteez ) and the eyes i've just always drawn that way because i adapted it from when i just started getting into animation memes , but i tend to add tearducts too ( which i've adapted from p0ny.world ) . also , i love the chalky way calciumdreams's and yokoneko's art looks which i'm trying to work on getting into my art . i also mentioned some other artists in a previous ask about my artstyle , those artists also provide me references for when i'm trying to draw animals that stand on all fours .

asked one of my friends if they had any art of reki saved , for comparison . i guess i can see the similarities ?

the thing is that i use several outlines and lots of rendering on top of it and use a shade between green and orange always - when reki uses one line-art layer , has highlights instead of shadows in the hair , usually a blue shade and overall has thinner line-art where parts between similar parts of clothing and / or fur gets coloured differently in line-art .

i'm not saying my and reki's styles do not look extremely similar or that he never said anything about not liking inspiration , but i did not copy ( or at least INTEND to copy ) hym , neither did i ( key word , i ) ever read he was uncomfortable with inspiration . if you would like to provide proof then i'd love to have you dm it to me /gen

my intro post had taken me quite a few months to come up with , going through a few things to get inspiration from . however , i can see why you think i copied him , especially with how i provided my links . asked a friend of mine to provide a screenshot of reki's blog to compare them after you sent this ask . to clarify - i actually got inspo for my graphic and the stars between links from a friend of mine , who used to make simple transparent background graphics and used the 𓈒 symbol in between links instead . since i'm a pretty big fan of stars , i used stars instead . went through tags to find introduction posts that i could take inspo from , which mostly used different colours , and since i usually use orange or green shades in my art ( since they're my favourite colours ) i thought i'd apply that to highlight parts i thought were important . just talked a bit about me , connected a link to my identity in case you want to get to know me better , provided a link to my toy house in case you wanted to see my characters , then talked a bit about asks because i barely really got any before . it looked a bit empty at that point , so i thought i'd largen up something , but doing that at the top of the post seemed like it went from big to small and i didn't like that . moved the links to the bottom , largened them up and that seemed pretty good . but now it was a bit empty on top of the page , so after messing around with the graphic i realised that maybe i should add something that would devide the graphic from the text - a divider . now everything looked tidy , while not being too little nor too much . a link to stuff that went more into detail ,, perfect right ? but ;

i can totally see why you think they look familiar : same colours , same link stuff , separate part about the inbox , divider between texts and images , but i don't have access to reki's blog so i wouldn't have known . even if i did before , i wouldn't have remembered that in the past 2 months where i was much more busy with other stuff than remembering what someone else's , who didn't want to interact with me , intropost looked like .

HOWEVER ! i do acknowledge that my EMOTE art looks incredibly - extremely , almost completely identical to hys . hand shapes , eye shapes , body shapes , even the yellow body and line-art , the SHADING - all of that . i guess that comes with having similar artstyles , then also worrying about whether or not your art looks ok . i actually asked a friend of mine what i could change about my art so other people would maybe like or use it more , and they said that i only ever use harsh - thick lines , so i should keep the line-art simple and try airbrushing stuff . this is basically what reki did , and so i did use one of hys emotes from a server i'm in as a reference - i really liked the result , and posted it not thinking about how familiar they looked despite literally having his emotes and mine side by side for comparison .

they're extremely similar , especially the little closed eyes and blush . they both have that little red eyelid bit above their eyes and shaded cheeks + hands . i admit this is my fault for not having realised earlier how i basically copied hys style , and i'll try to make it more into my own style next time . i'm unsure of how to yet , but i'll figure something out .

also , besides all that , i'm not really copying his appearances , sonas , other stuff hy might have made . the yellow guy is pretty popular after all since it doesn't have an actual appearance or anything that would relate to identity and can be interpreted as anyone . sure , there's blogs like k9emotes who make white sillies instead of yellow , but i prefer using yellow and i'm also going to use these emotes . not saying i won't change how i'll draw them , this is just a reason , but that's why my and hys emotes look so similar — they're exactly what i and my friends would like emotes to look like if we're going to use them frequently .

all of this is not an excuse but simply an explanation so i hope everything is more clear . as stupid as it may sound , the intro post was truly a coincidence . my art looks similar to hys ( but not that much ) because he was an inspiration , but not my only inspiration and definitely not my biggest but the hair / fur is something i do use the most . i deeply apologise for any harm i have done and crossing unknown boundaries , but i'm afraid i can't directly apologise to reki as he doesn't want to interact with me , boundaries are boundaries .

long story short — yes i got inspired by the fur , the intro post was purely coincidental , unconsciously took too much inspo from emotes , i apologise for what i did but can't apologise directly bc im blocked .

[tangowatchesjj]

Jessica Jones S1E6

I DID THE BULLETPOINTS AGAIN! I impress even myself.

Bastard bastarding all over the place.

If he's been Kilgrave'd you can't fight him. Yeah like Jess said.

What happened to Luke? Is it in his series??

"Conversation" so that's what happened.

Jess come on, you're the one that broke up with him. You can't ask that.

Sissy Garcia. What a name.

I like Sissy Garcia, let it be known!

Oh FUck.

Kilgrave is the antithesis of subtle, how has he never been investigated or caught before this?

Oof he's salty. And it's deserved I suppose.

She's a great PI, love her.

Her terrible high-pitched phone voice is so funny.

Voice of Reason Luke Cage! It is gonna be so damn funny to see him, Jess and Matt in Defenders. He's gonna have an aneurysm.

Aw Malcolm trying to help Jess. I love him so much.

That was a little passive-aggressive, Jeri. I want to believe she genuinely likes Pam but also she's a bitch.

"First, the divorce." Words to live by.

Ooh Malcolm spilled. Probably shouldn't have done that but hey, Jessica definitely wasn't gonna start the conversation.

Luke is correct in saying it's not her fault, but I wonder if he'll stick by it when he finds out.

DON'T KISS HIM HE DOESN'T KNOW.

Love that running from intimacy - OH SHIT SHE GOT BACK IN BED? STEPS.

Oh god. Jess, you gotta tell him.

Oh nooooooo.

Okay so Kilgrave wanted whatever Reva hid and then killed her. Fuck. Jess you have to tell him!!

Malcolm is on the "Jessica needs therapy" train and he is right. Choo choo motherfuckers.

Are his powers still fucked? How long do the drugs last?

Oh buddy. Lying does not work in the long-term. Jess and Matt both have this problem and I Haaate it.

That's a lot of pot(s).

Convenient dogs to distract Luke are convenient.

"I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower." POETRY.

That poor plant! The collateral damage is so heartbreaking :( Glad the dogs are good tho.

This fight feels. Chill?

JESS DO NOT LEAVE HIM??? WHAT THE FUCK.

Bad decisions, being made right in front of my eyes. Honestly, at this point Luke, the red flags are sirens. Why are you still here.

Also, for clarification: I like Jess! I don't think Reva's death was her fault. But this is no basis for a relationship, especially when he DOESN'T KNOW.

DA TRUTH. IT IS HERE. Oh no it's not. It SHOULD be but you keyed its car tires and now it's stuck on the side of the road, lonely and cold.

Honey do NOT kill that man. How many times must I say that to people on this show.

Hoe don't do it!

Unstoppable force vs immovable object.

THE TRUTH HITCHHIKED! IT HAS ARRIVED FASHIONABLY LATE.

YEAH. YEAH SHE DID SLEEP WITH YOU. IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

"It just happened." You just fell on his dick??

The fallout. It is devastating.

See this probably wouldn't have hurt half as much if you'd just. Told him.

This is excruciating, ow. My tearducts.

Ohhh the cut to Malcolm. Perfect.

DNA samples? But for the case or for the powers? Why do you trust Jeri, Jess, she is so sketch.

Why does Kilgrave want a house?? Is it for his sick domestic fantasies or something?

Oh fuck. Yeah ok it's her childhood home. Of course it is, fuck.

He is so damn CREEPY. I'm disgusted.

[jincherie]

“#lemon #LMAO” ur so cute I love you and I’m glad you’re finding humor in things this citrus scale thing is cracking me up too. Also this AWOM update???? Whew. Prepare to get an ask from me again when I finish reading it for the FOURTH TIME (cause it’s just that good) ~🍋

Anonymous said: I’m back! Im not quite sure how to word this, but I think as a writer, you’re very good at setting up a believable vibe? Like I’ve never met an Android?? I’ve never encountered science or technology that advanced but when I’m reading AWOM, your writing helps me believe it’s real. AWOM is so beautifully written, soft and slow at all the right moments. You’ve really mastered creating that “Slice of Life” feeling in word format. (1). ~🍋

Anonymous said: Even with the time skip, I feel like I’ve been there every step of the way as their relationship has developed. You’re absolutely fantastic. And I say that genuinely because, even outside of the slice of life vibe, in Part 2, you wrote his panic attack/overwhelmed system so perfectly! The situation is a perfect segue for him getting his memories back but also emphasized the state of human/Android relationships and how important the fact that kooks programming works like a virus is (2) ~🍋

Anonymous said: And the fact that I have no idea what the reader is doing during when his system overwhelmed??? It was so great. Ugh. I love you and I’m so happy that you’re writing this story. I’m not sure I’ve read anyone else’s writing that makes me feel like they could do it justice the way you are. I could go on for days but I think that’s enough for now. Lol. Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing it with the world. ~🍋 

god ok WOW can I just say, u nearly had me tearin up a bit??? like as anyone does I love receiving praise and hearing that people like the things I make, but its the really specific bits of feedback like this that get me good. Really babe, thank you so much for taking the time to read awom (mulTIple times even??????? i–) and then to sit and send these!!! i really might weep!!!

i’m especially glad you liked that scene, because that was one I envisioned from the very start when I was planning and one that I tried really hard to pull off— to find out i did it well enough really fills me with relief, and a bit of pride too!! but about the other things, im so flattered and honoured to receive such praise– thank you so much!!! it really, honestly, means a lot to me that you read my stuff and THEN went on to take the time and send this im….. perhaps i am just a tearduct JNFHBFJHB thank you so much baby,,, im sobbing but its in love & appreciation fnngfj thank u I love you!!(ps. I’m glad you got a giggle out of the lemon thing too!! we as a nation must take steps backwards, to move forwards MDKJDNFJHBJFDBGJFDB)

[szivtalan]

okay here’s a prompt no one ever asked for but i really felt it so:

prompt: “maybe in another world” + endhawks

he was thrilled to get todoroki enji on board for a little post-mission celebration.

keigo was thrilled to get closer to endeavor full stop. this past few months, joining forces and taking down villains with the man he’s admired since he was a child, it’s all he could’ve ever asked for and more. even seeing him from up close, being human, riddled with guilt and regret - it never broke the magic he’s been wrapped in, never wavered his feelings.

he dislikes sake and ice in his whiskey, likes it straight and room temperature. after half a bottle, he talks about his family, not his eldest, though. he starts with natsuo. spitting image of his mother, spitting personality of his father, enji says, his booming voice dripping with pride. he’s going to make something of himself one day.

then there’s fuyumi, sweet, sweet fuyumi. poor girl was a mother instead of a mother, after the incident. she took care of all of them, god bless her heart.

it takes him two more drinks to get to shoto, and that’s when the regret starts to kick in. he ruined things with shoto. he did a great job with him. shoto is his greatest creation, his biggest mistake. he keeps contradicting himself, like his boy’s left and right side: sorrow and appreciation, guilt and pride, misery and joy. he laughs telling keigo that shoto’s now old enough to ignore his father’s texts. his lips tremble talking about his accomplishments.

enji always pays when they drink, and that’s why keigo doesn’t sweat it when he asks for the bottle of whiskey to be left on the counter. half a bottle goes down easy tonight, the mission wasn’t such a piece of cake, not even for number one and two. somehow, though, enji doesn’t bring up his kids.

instead, he asks keigo something personal.

‘how’s your relationship with your dad?’ keigo almost chokes on his beer.

‘have i been flirting too hard?’ it’s his third, his tongue is loose, twirling spit around his mouth lazily. ‘sorry, didn’t mean to be obvious.’

endeavor rarely laughs at his jokes, but enji inhales through his nose, producing a sound resembling an amused snort. but he glues blue eyes to keigo’s face, waits for a genuine answer.

‘crap.’ he says then, curt and bitter. ‘let’s just say, from what you’ve told me, i consider your kids lucky.’

‘now.’ enji warns, but it’s half-hearted. they both know damn well that he serves as a fine measurement unit for parenting problems.

‘it is what it is, i guess. family either fucks you or you fuck them.’ keigo shrugs, flutters his wings. enji watches him a moment too long, studies his face, tries to read his expression. but keigo is a master actor, grins like he could care less. ‘what’s that, old man, you getting soft over me?’

‘as if.’ enji mutters, turns his attention back to his drink. keigo is grateful. keigo doesn’t know what he would’ve done if his heart fell out of its place, driven by todoroki enji’s undivided attention.

conversation runs smoothly after that, they talk a little bit about work, a little bit about the shithole keigo found them for drinking that night. the point was to keep a low profile, and people, they seem to be noticing the wings and the scar and the occasional sparks around endeavor, but they just turn the other way instead of making a fuss. keigo’s grateful.

keigo’s also grateful that he doesn’t need to fill the silence with thoughtful hums between two stories about different todoroki children. endeavor seems elsewhere now, stealing glances of keigo’s face, his narrow shoulders, the twitch of his wings. keigo feels like he’s burning, even though enji’s quirk isn’t on yet.

and then, somewhere around the middle of his second bottle of whiskey, enji slurs something that sets keigo on fire.

‘you’re... like an angel...’

keigo tries to laugh, but all he gets out is a hoarse, weak sound.

‘wh-what? you’re drunk, man-’

‘no, you are.’ enji huffs, leaning his stubbly face against his fist, his elbow almost slipping off the counter. his blue eyes are glassy, they’re trained on him again. ‘just... rescuing people, watching over the city... watching over me, you are. i... don’t know, i-’

keigo is on his feet before he knows it. the world spins, and he’s trying to hold on for the ride, because now he has a goal in mind.

he grabs enji’s shirt and yanks.

‘hawks,’ he hisses, falling out his chair. ‘what-’

‘bathroom. now.’ is all keigo can get out before he’s pulling the man towards the corridor. endeavor stumbles after him, trying to stay upright, to keep an ounce of his dignity, prevent keigo from dragging him across the floor. it would be a shame to disrespect those dress pants like that, especially when they hug his thighs so nicely.

in through the bathroom door, into a stall. it’s a tight squeeze, so unbearably stuffed with enji’s huge form filling the space alone, keigo feels like he could suffocate. his wings press against the closed door, lunges forward, and lets go of the need to breathe.

he just needs to feel: endeavor pressed against him, his hot breath fanning across his face. his huge hands, tentatively wrapping around his back, sliding down, down to the curve of his waist, pulling him closer. his tongue, wide and hot and demanding, licking into the inviting space between keigo’s lips, into his mouth until it’s all keigo can feel, all he can taste.

he tastes like smoke and whiskey.

‘hawks...’ enji breathes, and he shudders. warm fingertips slide under the hem of his shirt.

‘call my name.’ keigo answers, lowering his heels back on the ground as he slides lower, mouths at the course hairs on enji’s jaw. enji groans, grips his hips, grinds against him for a second. keigo’s head spins.

‘keigo...’ he whispers, with feeling, his adam’s apple bobbing as keigo mouths at his throat, scratches the sensitive skin with his teeth. it’s all he ever wanted and more, to be close to him, to hear him as he falls apart, to have that power over him, to be held by him, to be-

‘keigo, stop, stop.’

loved, by him.

he pulls back like he got shocked. he’s breathing heavily, trying to keep himself together, forcing himself back to actually stay away from the man who just asked him for space. the man who, only a second ago, seemed to be very into him unraveling him by the work of his expert mouth.

for a moment, endeavor seems just as surprised as him. and then, he speaks, his arms falling apart from keigo’s sides.

‘i- i don’t... i’m sorry.’ he sighs, lowering his head. if keigo were to stand a little closer, his chin could rest on the top of his head, but he’s obediently keeping his distance. ‘i’m...’

‘hey, big guy, don’t sweat it.’ keigo aims for reassuring, but all he gets out is maybe not totally panicked. his head’s still spinning. he wants... he wanted it, so badly...

‘i didn’t want to lead you on.’ enji says, sounding regretful. great, another thing that will keep him up at night. keigo wanted to be exactly just that (although not this way, he has to admit). ‘i don’t think this would lead anywhere.’

‘it doesn’t have to lead anywhere. i told you, it’s fine.’

‘maybe in another world.’ enji is drunk, enji is rambling, enji is scared. enji doesn’t want to hurt him, but it’s all keigo can do to turn it off completely, to forcibly cut off the water supply to his tearducts, so he can start to pick up the pieces of his broken dreams right away.

he tries to smile. this time, he can’t even estimate how well he does it.

‘i said it’s okay, sorry that i jumped on you. let’s get you home, okay?’

[specialchan]

How I'm integrated dread into my novel. (TW// Mental Illness) via /r/writing

How I'm integrated dread into my novel. (TW// Mental Illness)

(This is essentially a repost from r/local58 and a thread on MotherForever.net, two places that this novel takes direct inspirations from)

I've always been a believer that other people aren't responsible for your triggers, but then again, I don't do much that could trigger anyone. What I want to discuss tonight does feature things I personally believe warrant a trigger warning. Read at your own will.

If you are currently in a bad place mentally, I heavily encourage you to NOT READ this thread.

As you may or may not know, I'm actively working on a novel inspired by Local58 and EarthBound, named Our Nearest Neighbor; A story about how the moon came alive. The novel has general darker tones than most teen-sci-fi stories (Ex. Stranger Things), and so I decided to search for inspiration; I needed a reference for pure, unadulterated dread and mental suffering.

I told my IRL friend about the project, and he directed me to an album. An artist's collective work over 25 years, condensed into a 6-hour listening session.The project is called Everywhere at the End of Time. It is described as "'Everywhere at the end of time' was a series exploring dementia, its advancement, and its totality. Audio remembered, disfigured and forgotten by The Caretaker. Artwork on all stages by Ivan Seal."

The work is an audio recreation of the long and painful process of someone losing their mind through Dementia, and mental illnesses like Alzheimer's and general memory loss.

Here's my experience, having listened through the 6 hour album compilation. My mistake was completely immersing myself, in a dark room with headphones at max volume at night.

The 6 hour session starts of in an eerily sounding manner. They're regular old vinyl recordings of old records and music, with the only introduced distortion is the natural wobbling of an old Vinyl record. For the most part, it was just some regular ambient music, with the only unsettling factor being that it just sounds old and creepy.

Quickly, things started to go downhill. The project moves in Stages, each one worse than the last, with momentary bliss and relief, followed immediately after by a stage worse than anything before it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the music deteriorated. It wasn't some regular warping or pitch shifting, it was intricate distortion that resembled the outside world being less and less tangible from within your head. It was mortifying, it felt like I was losing my own mind.

Large portions sound like horror ambience, just creaking and noises that make you feel nothing but dread and eternal fear. It's not just faded music, it's your brain failing to interpret music, sounds, patterns in any way. You're losing your mind.

I'm gonna skip a large majority of the experience, and rather focus on the afterthought.

Near the end of the compilation, the music is almost inaudible. It feels like a hollow room with the vague concept of what music was being the only thing left in your mind. The mental battle you've been fighting in your head is finally with you. Your mind has been killing you, and it's finally leaving. But, it's taking it with you.

This... is a mere re-accounting. I condensed it severely just to cover the more significant segments.I can't explain the dread I felt that night. Listening to the album brought me to tears, as it does with many people. It feels like dying. It feels like you're dying. It feels like your brain is rotting from within, taking you with it. I've never felt a more powerful, self-inflicted psychological torture in my life. It broke me like no story, no movie, no song, no album, no experience ever has.

That night, i trembled in bed. I felt my chest ache, my heart felt hollow and the tension of its muscles pulled everything, every organ and every vein in my body tight. Reality felt fake, i would touch the blankets on my bed, the plastic on my water bottle, the glass screen on my phone to almost no sensual response. I felt numbed, in a way i cannot describe. It was out of raw fear, terror, dread. I had to turn on all the lights and start playing my regular music, music i play while skating or hanging out with my friends. Music that reminded me of my girlfriend, music that reminded me of my parents and my cousins and my brother. Honestly, it was a mistake. Trying to bring myself back with music i liked just introduced a terrible experience to associate them all with. I can't listen to the songs i played that night without thinking back, feeling the tearducts in my eyes pulse and my throat tighten.

If you want to check it out for yourself, please be cautious. If you put yourself in the proper mindset to immerse yourself in the story the project wants to tell, it will get you. Contact your loved ones, your friends, anyone you feel happy talking to BEFORE and AFTER listening. If you are in a bad place mentally, avoid this experience. I know, for a fact, if I was in the spot mentally that I was only a few months ago, I don't know I would've made it to sunrise.

It's not that the experience was bad, infact, it was a beautiful, eye opening experience that I wouldn't take back. It changed my perspective on the mind, consciousness and mental stability/disorders.

So then, how does this tie into Our Nearest Neighbor? Spoilers if you're interested in reading the story upon completionThe aliens that came from an alternate reality, one where the galaxy is densely populated with life, has felt a disturbance from where Earth is located relative to their own world. They travel to Earth, determining that the harmful radiation we accidentally emit (radio and organic radiation and frequencies that humans can handle, but these alien species cannot) is a subject of justified intervention. These aliens have advanced technologies that are able to transmit large messages if needed. However, we do not have compatible technology, and so their pleas, warnings, and messages come in the form of strong power surges. Within these transmissions lie a subliminal message, in familiar terms. They're encrypted symbols, visuals and sounds that completely ruin the part of the brain that identifies human faces, voices, gestures and body language, as well as tying that newly ruined part of the brain to the section that identifies threats. In turn, associating these strange figures that replace all humans and instead identifies them as a fight or flight response. Their intention is to ruin everyone's perception of each other, essentially starting a war among humanity, between themselves. These failed transmissions are taken as "being ignored", and so they proceed onto their next phase; use the moon as a satellite. An organic satellite that will radiate the mind-ruining transmissions that failed to reach Earth in the first place, due to the incompatibility with technology.

When sending the first few transmissions to Earth, they noticed a spot of significantly strong reception, and decide to focus their efforts on that small county, hoping to spread outwards like a virus.

One of the main characters, Matt, is a victim to a direct attack from this alien race. One of the first successful transmissions directed towards the small town is received at Matt's house, where his single father falls to the transmission. His mind is ruined, and he sees his own son as a threat, pulling his gun and shooting shakily at Matt. Matt escapes and runs away, but Matt's father doesn't end up so lucky. He goes searching for answers, checking the bathroom and met by a mirror reflecting his own face back at him. He doesn't see himself, however, but a foreign threat. He first shoots at the mirror before seeing it doesn't leave, so he shoots behind him, where it should be relative to the reflection. His shaky hands end up pointing the rapidly recoiling handgun towards himself, ending the threat he saw.

Matt is understandably torn by this. Once the set of protagonists find out the alien's intentions, he feels hopeless. He decides to take his own life one night, while living temporarily with one of the other protagonists. His attempt works, technically, as he wakes up on the roof of the house. He's greeted by the moon, which takes him. Matt is then used as a blueprint for the human brain, and the aliens use it to develop a functioning transmission that would simultaneously ruin everyone's minds.

The aliens form an inside-out womb of the moon, using Matt as a brain/host, while the moon develops and comes to life. This is where The Caretaker's project comes into play.

As Matt goes from an aware human being in captivation, with his brain tapped into and being scanned and worked with, his perception of the world around him fades away. It's best represented as the 6 Phases of The Caretaker's project. He goes from being fully conscious, to slowly having his mind lose touch of his body, until all his brain is silence and emptiness. His brain, his body, his mind, and his spirit become one with the moon, In all her pale, white glory.

Matt becomes a culmination of spirit, and begins to communicate with his friends back on earth solely with his mind. He tells them their plan to activate the moon on Halloween Night, on the full moon of the month.

However, we don't hear much of Matt throughout the story, especially when he's taken. He's missing for a while, and the reader has that belief too. As dreadful of an experience we end up realizing Matt has lived through, the true representation of dread, fear, and pain come when the rest of the protagonists travel to the moon.

On the day of retribution, the protagonists meet up, locking themselves in a room within a radio station, sat before a large CRT Television, aka the alien's main means of communication thus far. Matt focuses a transmission for them, one that is able to extract the soul and spirit from their bodies. They leave their mortal vessels on earth, as they are transported to the surface of the moon.

Once their, they realize they have not completely lost touch of their mortal selves. They can still vaguely feel their senses in their culminations of light and soul. They can feel themselves dying, as the blood in their body slows, their heartbeat ceases, and their limbs become numb. They're painfully cold, as the warm blood inside them starts to slow, and cool down. The lack of oxygen starts to form blur in their eyes, with floaters slowly obscuring their vision. The hissing of silence starts to fill their ears, until every sense in their bodies is completely gone. Once they feel like they've died, they're transported to the womb. They're presented to Matt, who communicated mentally with them. Their footsteps feel like jolts of numb electricity shocking their legs and pulsing up into their heads with a throbbing pound.

The aliens made a fatal mistake to their plan; choosing a child, let alone a currently mentally unstable child as their blueprint of the mankind. Matt still has enough willpower to communicate with his friends, who miraculously manage to refrain him from obliging to the aliens plan. The transmission is sent out, but fails. Matt is killed as his energy is drained with the transmission. Realizing they have failed, the aliens retreat. Without Matt keeping their spirits intact on the moon, the protagonists dissipate into the void of space. Their souls are lost, and they have all died. The moon begins to pool with blood as the organic matter starts to burst and rot, permanently tainting the moon red.

In the story, ill emphasize what all the characters felt, putting focus on the heart aching pain and torment they felt.

That's how i will integrate dread, fear, and pain into Our Nearest Neighbor. I call the novel an EarthBound fanstory, as the two halves of the story drastically contrast with one part being a cheery teen alien sci-fi story, and the other being of death, eternal dread, and suffering, as does EarthBound.

This is a Local58 fan story for obvious reasons, too.

There is a lot about this thread that could go against guidelines, and if so, I'm willing to remove this post. Thank you for reading, if you have made it this far.

Submitted July 26, 2020 at 01:22AM by officialmcqp via reddit https://ift.tt/2CPz3wj

[impossiblycolorfulvoid-blog]

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[seemingcupid-blog]

all the people questions from that meme ya hooker 💖

⌈ ✉ ⌉ » @hyecn !

⌈ ✉ ⌉ » selectively accepting ( now ) !

♡. —01 : a memory from jangmi’s childhood ?

jangmi’s mother worked a lot when jangmi was younger ( & still does in fact . they’re both workaholics ) , so when heiran ( her mother ) would work , jangmi would either be dropped off to a family friend or a family friend would come over to their home to watch her . & during holidays , jangmi would be dropped off to a family friend because heiran worked on holidays . it was a christmas morning while she was seven years old when she went downstairs to sneak a few sweets while everyone was asleep , but she saw her “ uncle & aunt “ putting presents under the tree . she knew santa didn’t exist , & she knew her uncle would buy her presents , but she didn’t think she’d hear the words that left his mouth .

“ i know we bought the present but just — just write that it’s from her mother , okay ? her mother hasn’t spoken to her in a week , okay ? give the kid a little sympathy . “

& that’s when she know that this is what holidays in her household would be : without her mother but with lies of an involvement that wasn’t hers . bile upon tongue , misty smile upon face of held contently , she accepted told tales with the will of a champion ( of a child who’s learned ) .

♡. — 02 : a memory from jangmi’s teenage years ?

with her teenage years , they came with much more knowledge than a simple young adult should have . the knowledge that your mother could live fine without the presence of blood upon familiarity . the knowledge that you could live just as your mother could , but without her own presence of drifted affections you never received from such a woman . however , as much as that knowledge held part in her head , growing insecurities & a hole in your chest that never seemed to fill ( even with bits & pieces that wisp & wither , grown from the bitterness of appled aromas ) glided alongside . something of misfortune , something of a beginning plague that would prove to become worse . seeds of doubt within her skin from a mother’s negligence , but you wished resurrection sat within fingertips . & the first boy who’s ever even brushed surfaces of your heart experienced such firsthand , an experience that had scarred gentle tips that still cracked your gentle surfaces lying under armor . it was your fault , hmm ? a damned drag of dusted exteriors of marbled love , but you know love . you know love with your heart ( or you think you do ! ) , but your heart has yet to learn to receive such .

“ why can’t you get it through your head that maybe someone likes you for  YOU  . “ shut down , system failure , & there’s the first mistake of many repeats . it’s not something a maiden of sugared salt would quite catch at first attempt . strike one .

“ what’s your problem ? do you even  l o v e  me ? “

♡. — 03 : a memory from jangmi’s career ?

there’s an extent ( a bounded limit ) jangmi allows herself to become attached to clients . maybe it’s because the girl reminded her of herself . maybe it’s because the mother reminded her of her own . maybe it’s because of both those reason that she continued to immerse herself into the two & their conflicts . a workaholic . a developing workaholic ( something jangmi can spot well in the teen years , something of experience ) . distance too tense to nick with a knife of reason or a knife of explosion . she can see her own family within the cherried glass of the other family , a tragedy at its finest but only from something that begins ever so sparsely into heartache .

maybe it’s because they reminded her of her own torn family : shattered , suffocated , wilted . maybe it’s because she knows how it ends , but there was a crash in her heart , a clench that jangmi felt so tight it restricted breath in the way atmosphere allows starlight . something that breaks oh so easily , beyond repair the porcelain cracks oh so gently . maybe it’s because what she saw was her family , but oh . jangmi felt the scornful tear when she realized some things are like bridges , too burned ever recover to a state of thriving abundance of bustling life .

“ doctor bom , i don’t think my daughter & i will be attending these sessions anymore . this isn’t helping us ; i don’t think it can be help . it’s not your fault . you tried , but she & i don’t see this getting better than it’s ever been . have a nice day . “

♡. — 04 : a memory that jangmi cherishes ?

her job — lovely , amazing , wonderful career — has its ups & its downs . many times , she’s allowed the chance to attempt to aid a family or relationship ( maybe even individual ) piece themselves back together with the intent of blossoming roses in their hearts , for love is not without thorns . but thorns , they can be a beautiful show of zero tolerance to hands of diminishing touch , an existence of vanishing breath . they can be the growth of necessary hardness to survive atmosphere of singing sirens . a warmth in her chest , a thing of hearth , she lets a beaming curl adjust to lips of painted hues .

she turns the page of the handmade card , teeth showing with the genuiity displayed by the hands of a helped child . “ thank you , doctor bom ! eomma & appa told me not to bother you too much , but every once in a while , they told me i could call you & tell you how we are ! they’re so happy . i’m so happy .” a breathless laughter , lungless supply , & palms push to wipe away the tears lacing the tearducts of her eyes .

♡. — 05 : a memory that jangmi wishes to erase ?

the fire that begins in your heart is pouring from your chest , lighting skin upon flames made by purposeful ignorance of tempting affection . & when he pours something of sweet tenderness into veins of glass shattering , there’s suffocation within a maiden of wilted caresses . laughter , a smile , happiness that becomes of an expression that’s usually laced in nothing more or less than pure exhaustion . & when eyes of chocolate bitterness take upon the appearance of emptied drawers & the side of a bed that breathes no life , there’s the aching that starts at her heart & pours out to her skin , a sweet burn from the intoxication she pours into herself , toxic poison to fill the hole he left . “ erase him , erase him ,  erase him  . “

♡. — 06 : something that makes jangmi angry ?

something that makes jangmi angry ? what makes her angry is people who don’t want to help themselves , but while they’re affecting people around them . for example , there are multiple times she’s had a family or couple or group of people come in , & they come in for help . but there’s one person who’s literally keeping themselves in the same place while the other(s) are moving forward , even knowing that it’s hurting the people who care & are trying to help them . & that fact ? the fact that they know they’re hurting the other person ( or people ) & don’t care enough to accept any help or support offered to them .

♡. — 07 : something that makes jangmi happy ?

caring for others make jangmi happy . knowing that what she’s doing ( whether it be working or talking or really anything ) is helping someone else by making them better or their situation better . & seeing the successful result is something that makes her happy as well .

♡. — 08 : something that makes jangmi laugh ?

really dark puns & really dark humor makes jangmi laugh , honestly . & sarcasm . um ? things generally on the sarcasm or morbid side of the humor spectrum . generally , though , she’s a sucker for really dry humor as well as really witty puns ? not dad jokes but really like … i don’t know … well thought out puns that probably would first fly over someone’s head .

♡. — 09 : something that frightens jangmi ?

intimacy that involves like … sharing emotions & everything of such that . failure & abandonment , too . & not having financial stability . so , all in all , things that she can’t very well see the future of .

♡. — 10 : something that turns jangmi on ?

love & support . NO , I’M JOKING (  but am i ?  ) . but really , what turns jangmi on is like … i don’t know … tattoos ? danger ? anything that’s not necessarily good for her (  COUGH COUGH COUGH POSSIBLE PLOT  ? ) .

♡. — 11 : describe jangmi’s childhood friend ?

jangmi , honestly , didn’t have a lot of childhood friends . she like .. forced herself to be busy , like she does now , but she only had a few distinctly . like the one that she remembers clearly in jeju , he used to be shorter than her ( which he grew to be taller than her ) . he always spoke his thoughts out loud , & he always told her that she could have dinner with him & his brother if she needed anyone with her at home , that his home was hers . he always seemed a little rude to the other kids , but that’s because they never let off of jangmi . & he was always trying to protect her , even when he couldn’t , but she doesn’t know him now . the last time they spoke was in secondary school , which was because of his worsening behavior issues .

♡. — 12 : describe jangmi’s parents ?

jangmi never knew her father , but his name is jung taehwang . he’s still alive now , but she has no current contact with him ( & neither has she ever had any with him . she’s never met him ) . however , that’s probably a good thing considering he was a very impulsive , impatient , & volatile man . think of him as a volcano , always threatening to erupt until he does . then he goes dormant once more , each snap another sign to others he might be ready to erupt , keeping those around him paranoid & on edge .

her mother , bom heiran , has always been independent & very … hardworking ( yea , let’s just say that ) . her parents hated how … little family - orientated she was , & they hated how she didn’t need them in her life . they hated how early she found herself & how early she detached from them . & heiran always has let work suck her in like a black hole , not even letting her child pull her from that black hole of labor .

♡. — 13 : describe jangmi’s former lover ?

let’s not .

♡. — 14 : describe jangmi’s current best friend ?

lol what’s that .

♡. — 15 : describe jangmi’s worst enemy ?

she doesn’t have one .

♡. — 16 : what jangmi does on a day of ?

i don’t really know what this question is asking so ? ? ?

♡. — 17 : what kind of books jangmi reads ?

jangmi reads a lot of educational books — textbooks , journals , educational journals , etc . a lot of the time , she’s reading them to help her with her job . however , she does read newspapers & news stories & sometimes she even reads romance novels .

♡. — 18 : what kind of music jangmi likes ?

jangmi loves classical music — piano , violin , cello , viola , etc . sometimes when she needs background noise , she puts on instrumentals . besides that , she does enjoy pop , but she’s very picky with the music she listens to daily .

♡. — 19 : what jangmi does when she wakes up ?

jangmi wakes up extremely early in the morning , & the first thing she does is grab a cup of coffee to wake her up . after she burns her mouth with coffee , she jumps in the shower & then gets dress & goes out to work ( with more coffee in her hands ) . her mornings aren’t very interesting , honestly ? it’s more of … she’s just trying to get from  point a  to  point b  .

♡. — 20 : what jangmi is like at social events ?

jangmi is either a social butterfly ( when she’s forced to be ) or she’s a willing wallflower . either way , she’s not enjoying her time ( unless she’s working ) . most of the time , though , she likes to go where the alcohol & food is & stand where that is , but it’s not unusual for her friends ( if she attends with any friends of her own ) to drag her around .