#and not a vocalist. i would like to stress that. I cannot sing for shit

[imaveryevilenby]

should I try covering a song?

[dingdonghyvck]

The Only Exception || Lee Haechan x Reader

Summary: You finally realize that Haechan’s the only exception to the one rule you gave yourself.

Genre: Angst and a little bit of Fluff  

Pairing/s: Drummer!Haechan x Lead Vocalist!Reader, Minor College Student!Mark x Reader

Warnings: Explicit content, mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts, implications of sex, sex jokes, use of drugs, cigarettes and alcohol, verbal and physical abuse, divorce, and a few others I probably forgot to mention

Word Count: 5.4k words

So this is part two of the Drummer!Haechan AU I wrote: Still Into You

 Please do give feedback, it’s greatly appreciated! Thank you and enjoy :)

"When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind.

He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.

And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget”

It all started with hushed arguments, hidden whispers of disappointment behind closed doors, afraid of breaking the perfect image your family had, afraid of the neighbors to talk. From hushed arguments to daily endeavors of avoiding each other everyday, it was like a ticking bomb inside your home. A ticking bomb you had tip-toed over each morning past your parents' bedroom, hearing the muffled crying. You knew it was only a matter of time before the bomb would finally explode, imploding your house from inside-out.

You hoped and you prayed to any god willing to listen that the rumors were not true. The neighbors started talking and the news had somehow got out. And that was when everything started breaking down. The hushed arguments turned to wars of screaming and crying, sharp words that cut through you like a knife. That was when the walls of your home began to talk, they spoke to you too, they echoed the hatred your parents had for each other. They made you feel unwanted, unloved and useless, since of course the sole foundation of your life was crumbling. You were the scars, bruises, and pain they brought into the world, you were once proof of their love that turned into a ghost wandering the halls, desperately clawing against the wallpaper to make it all stop.

It didn't end with words, it seemed as if words weren't hurtful enough. You were caught in the crossfire, desperately trying to raise the white flag between the two, but you ended up becoming their stress ball. They would sometimes drown you, lock you up in the basement or straight up hit you. They kept squeezing you and throwing you around like a stress ball bound to burst, the people at school began noticing the bruises and cuts. In the end they left you alone, vacant and ignored since you began bringing your friends over your house.

And for the first time in a while you felt safe, you felt safe in Jeno's comforting smile when he tried to teach you guitar. You felt safe with Hendery's little pranks and teasing during practices. You felt safe in Donghyuck's presence whenever you two would head out after band practice, in his car with no particular destination in mind. The nights were long, but somehow it always ended too quickly for you. You wished you could stay for an eternity inside Donghyuck's car, it was a place where you didn't bother to be someone else except yourself.

It was a space where you weren't either the whore's daughter or the useless excuse of a student. You were just authentically you and Donghyuck openly accepted you, he didn't say it but you knew he did. He didn't talk whenever you didn't feel like it, he opened the car window when you wanted to watch the stoplights and streetlight wiz by. That's what made those nights perfect, it was Donghyuck's soft humming along the mediocre pop song on the radio. His weirdly specific defensive monologue whenever you brought up his tacky lavender car scent. Donghyuck's presence in general as he would sometimes just hold your hand while you thought to yourself.

One of those nights where you thought to yourself that life should always be like this, you didn't know how, but you knew that Donghyuck has to be apart of it. You decided that the world may go to shit, your parents may end up getting a divorce, you may end up living the rest of your life as a deadbeat. But you no longer cared as long as you had this place, in a worn out car seat next to him; well that was what you thought at least.

"And that was the day that I promised,

I'd never sing of love if it does not exist"

Donghyuck's sudden departure from the band shocked both Jeno and Hendery, they took it considerably well in all honesty. They still wanted to continue on with the band, partly because they needed the money from the gigs and mostly because they worried for you as a friend. You tried your best in trying to continue with your life and look for another drummer, for another Donghyuck in your life. As silly as it sounded since you were the one that pushed him away, you would think of him most days. You were only realizing how important Donghyuck was in your life.

He was always the one who took care of you, reminded you to eat and rest whenever you forgot. He would show up at your dorm to bring you breakfast or make you coffee, remind you that some of the books you borrowed from the library was due tomorrow, or even just chat you to check on how your day was going. Now that you had changed your number and avoided him like a plague you were starting to realize how much you lost.

And you had thought of calling him, or maybe reaching out to ask how his day was going, the same way he used to check on you. You were so tempted that you showed up at his place, a second away from buzzing his doorbell, but you remembered. You remembered how awful you were to him, you were reminded of the pain and misery you've caused him all through out your lives so far. You were being selfish yet again, so you stopped yourself. You immediately turned around that day and called up Hendery and Jeno to tell them that the band was over, you didn't have the guts to face them anymore.

The guilt was eating you alive, they had tried to convince you otherwise but you pushed them away too. The only person who you kept in your life was Mark. You still felt happy to be around him, although you didn't feel comfortable since you felt like you had to keep a facade around him. He seemed glad to see you more often, you'd cling onto him like a flee for days. But there came a time when he finally asked why you were so vacant these days, and where were your other friends; it was an argument caused by Mark's growing irritation for being required to see you everyday and almost having to babysit you like child, all the while trying to keep up with other activities going on his life. You had left him without a single word and returned the next day like nothing happened.

He genuinely did like you, he wished things were different but he couldn't handle the nonstop texts and calls that came from you every minute of the hour, he was beginning to get sick of it. And you immediately notice his distaste, the way he would dryly reply to your messages or not talk to you whenever he did have time to see you. You knew you were becoming a bit too much for him, desperate for company that you became too overbearing, a bit too possessive and selfish when it came to his time.

And for the first time, you felt it. You felt how your heart sunk everytime Mark chose to answer a call from a friend when you were talking to him, the way he would look anywhere else but you whenever you tried to start conversations. You were usually on the other end of the stick, careless of other people’s emotions and too busy living in your own world. You finally knew what it felt when Donghyuck dated you, and what horrible thoughts that came with it. In the end, you knew that Mark was too kind to end it with you, he obviously knew you were having issues in your personal life, but he couldn't be bothered anymore; he's tried talking to you about it, but you'd always change the topic.

So you told yourself that it was better if you would be alone for now, this is the tenfold of misery and hurt you've caused everyone around you, especially Donghyuck, your world was falling apart as more and more people left.  You eventually ended things with Mark, and he gave you a simple okay and left.  He didn't seem to notice you anymore, he continued to live his university life unscathed, it was as if you two never spoke in the first place.

He would sometimes smile at you or give you a small nod of his head whenever you saw each other around campus, but that was the most you've gotten from him. You didn't blame him, he didn't have time to waste with people like you. Being alone with your thoughts truly was eating you alive, you were beginning to go insane. Everytime you were about to reach out to anyone, either Jeno, Hendery, or Donghyuck, you'd always stop yourself to remind you that you deserved this.

You deserved to be alone, you cannot be loved. You were a heartless monster just as Donghyuck said and you lived most of your days alone while trying to survive with the little funds your new part time provided. You didn't know how, but you somehow lived as days went by. You watched the leaves and flowers bloom from the branches outside of your dorm till they wilted. It was now winter, and you freely wandered the streets. No other human could be seen outside, everyone was probably spending time with loved ones, since of course it was the holidays.

Days you should be spending with the people you cherish and loved the most, you could see the warm lights from within some of the homes, laughter resonates through the walls, probably the lovers and families enjoying their own company. Playing dumb board games and cuddled up by the fire, watching the grinch movies with eggnog and warm cups of hot choco. You never really understood the joys of the holidays, probably because the only other person you had spent it was with Donghyuck, and there you go thinking of him again.

As if thinking of him in everything you do wasn't enough, he began appearing in your dreams. You didn't know if it was pleasant to revisit old memories or did it hurt to reminisce what was lost between you two. And as much as it hurt you chose to remember him as someone you loved, perhaps not romantically, but he was someone you truly cherished. You thought that he'd comment on how cheesy you've become, so melodramatic that you'd give William Shakespear a run for his money when he's already in his grave.

You bitterly laugh at the thought, the cold makes your throat dry and eyes watery but you look up to the moon while standing next to a lamp post near the frozen river.  You could almost feel his presence, you truly were going insane that you started imagining things he'd say to you at times like this. The snarky comments and cute pet names he'd give you whenever you dragged him along for whatever adventure you had in mind. You remembered how he'd first complain about it to no end, but he always ends up coming with you. He always does, of course, he's Donghyuck, the person who stuck with you through thick and thin; the person you've hurt the most.

You begin humming a small tune, you didn't recognize it at first, but you ended up humming a paramore song. The song you both listened to during class the first day you two met, the same song that you sang here, with tears streaming down you cheeks. You didn't know you were crying until you felt the cold gust of wind brushing against your cheeks, a chill running down your spine as you sniffled.

"I hope you're happy now Hyuck, wherever you are," it felt weird to speak, you couldn't remember the last time you opened your mouth to say anything. it's been months since you've last said a word to anyone, you throat was dry and you could barely recognize your own voice, it was raspier than you last remembered.

"I'm happy enough to know we're looking at the same moon tonight at least." you laughed, your throat hurts like hell, the laugh came as a croak and you tried to gasp in air to try and stop yourself from breaking down.

It felt weird to listen to your own voice, everything felt unreal. These past few months were like a fever dream to you, you even wondered if you were dead and this was some cruel purgatory you served for the shit you pulled back then. You've thought about jumping into the frozen river, maybe the cold would at least wake you up if this was truly some cruel nightmare. If not it could also finally end all the suffering and pain you know you caused yourself, what hurt most was you cannot blame anyone else for what is happening now. You shakily let out a breath, hands gripping the metal railing. You were about to jump over it when the street's fairy lights were suddenly turned on and it reflected off the thin layer of ice of the lake.

You wake up from your daze, what the hell were you thinking? The pretty lights distracted you for a moment, you pace your breathing with the consistent flicker of the warm glow of the tiny lights, trying to calm down.

"And I've always lived like this,

keeping a comfortable distance"

senior year, prom.

You bit your lip while watching the fairy lights flicker, whose idea was it to have tiny light bulbs as decoration for the photo booth, and god you wanted to give them a kiss now. It was such a hazard that you couldn't stop thinking of the endless possible drama it could cause, the prom queen could end up stepping on it and light her dress on fire, that would at least make the night interesting. You blew the tiny patch of fake snow off the table while you grumpily waited for someone, anyone, to step on one of the fairy lights, but you were dragged out of your reverie when you hear Donghyuck's voice behind you.

"Hey ugly,"

"Hey stupid," you replied, eyes shifting away from the photo booth for a second to look at him. He stuck out like a sore thumb, he wasn't wearing a tuxedo like the rest, or even a tie to at least try and be formal. He was sporting his favorite leather jacket with a green untucked button up underneath, he looked underdressed, the only effort he made to his appearance was the way he styled his hair to showcase his forehead.

"That's not a nice way to speak to your boyfriend" Donghyuck faked a gasp, dragging a chair to sit down beside you, you raised an eyebrow at him. The stupid crease on his jacket annoyed you to no end, so you fixed it for him, it was his turn to raise an eyebrow at you.

"Boyfriend? I thought boyfriends put in extra efforts for prom? You know like in the movies, they give the girl a cute corsage and tell them how pretty they look and end up fucking in the bathroom or something?"

"You're beautiful." He says it blatantly, you stop to look him in the eyes, and it seemed genuine. You pursed your lips while trying to hide your smile, boyfriend Donghyuck was different from best friend Donghyuck, he was a lot... sweeter.

"Let's fuck in the bathroom later?" he added, to which you groaned and slapped his thigh. He only laughed at you while gently fitting his hand into yours, gently kissing your knuckles when you swore you were gonna bite his dick someday, just he wait.

Well you'll  give him credit, he at least made an effort to look nice for you. You didn't even bother to blow dry your hair today and you were wearing what you'd usually wear whenever you went out with him, just with a bit more grunge added, like black fishnet stockings. He wasn't complaining at all, he knew that whatever you were wearing tonight would end up ripped anyway, probably somewhere on his bedroom floor. And plus, you two didn't really attend prom, the only reason you bothered to this year was for the battle of the bands.

You were already done with the performance so you were all simply waiting for the announcement of the winner. You knew Jeno was probably out on the dance floor dancing with his date in a proper suit and tie like a gentleman, but you had no idea where Hendery went. One second he said he was going to get you a drink, the next he's disappeared before you into thin air. So you were left with Donghyuck, who was currently playing with your rings. As weird as it felt to have a label between you two, nothing's changed. You thought that you'd feel more awkward towards him, but the only thing that changed was the label, and you were happy in a way.

"Wanna dance?"

You perk up at his question, you finally realize that a slow song was playing. Everyone was paired off in front of you, even some of the teachers were dancing. You almost let out a laugh at the sight of some of couples who were trying their best to keep it in their pants. You thought he was joking until you looked over at him, he was shyly fiddling with his own hands now, not able to look you in the eyes. You would laugh if it weren't for the way he seemed so shy to ask, he looked like he was about to combust.

"I don't dance," you laughed, he looks up at you. You didn't know it was possible but he looked much more embarrassed now, it was cute it in a way.

"Let's get out of here?"

"Now that's more like it" you smirk, taking his hand to lead him outside of the gymnasium and to his car.  He didn't bother to fight it, he just simply let you drag him out to the parking lot.

He opens the car door for you and you played along, deciding to not tease him just this once since, of course, he was already red enough. He turns on the engine and you switch through different channels on the radio, finally settling on one when he pulls out of the driveway.

“And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.”

The song on the radio hummed in the background as he drove as carefully as he could, the roads were iced and it wasn't very safe to drive right now. He was about to take the turn to his house but you stop him and told him to bring you to the center of town, he was unsure why the sudden request, but he follows your directions anyway. For the moment, you stared at his face. The way the streetlights lit up his skin, you rarely saw his forehead and it did make him look attractive. Well he was already attractive in the first place but you couldn’t help but observe the way he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel to the song’s beat, it looked instinctive and natural to him.

"So are you finally going to murder me and take my intestines to sell on the black market?" he spoke, and you laughed, throwing your head back; he was finally starting to look handsome to you, and he opens that damned mouth of his.

"Kidneys my darling! Your kidneys will be worth a fortune!" you giggled while leaning over the center console to kiss his cheek, he smiled at the sound of your laughter.

He takes you exactly where you asked him, the center of the town. The exact intersection that’s considered as the heart of your buzzing neighborhood. The exact intersection that usually had so many cars, always the cause of traffic and delay, was now completely empty. All the stores near the intersect were closed, no other person in sight but the stoplights continued to operate. The colors red, yellow, and green appearing in an ordered sequence, proportionally timed. Although there wasn't a single car in sight, Donghyuck stopped when the light turned red.

"What are you waiting for?" you asked in confusion, he shrugs.

"Can you tell me why we're here?"

You didn't bother to speak, you simply got out of the car and stood at the center of the intersection. You opened your arms up to him and he watched you curiously, you let out a boisterous laugh, spinning around your heel. You forgot that the road was slippery so you fell flat on your back, still laughing. Donghyuck runs out of his car to kneel beside you, he had a worried look to him but it immediately faded away when you looked at him with joy in your eyes.

He scoffed, not forgetting to comment on how stupid you looked before offering his hand to help you stand up. You take his hand but instead of sitting up, you pull him towards you and he slips, ending up toppled over you. His breathing was uneven as it brushed cooly against your cheek, you close your eyes at the feeling. He gently kissed your cheek after a minute, finally standing up to brush himself off. You were still lying down on the ground, flailing your arms around to try and form a snow angel.

"Are you dumb? Get up before we get run over" Donghyuck tried to sound angry, but he couldn't stop the lilt in his voice, a tiny chuckles escapes his mouth.

"Shut up already and just lie down! Why do you always ruin the moment?” you whined looking up at him, still spread eagle at the center of the intersect, he raised an eyebrow at you, it was becoming a habit to him.

“Don’t you feel it too? The world’s stopped, they’ve finally shut up! So enjoy it and come lie down with me.”

“And if we get run over?”

“Then so be it” You shrugged, Donghyuck lets out a heavy sigh before taking his seat beside you. He doesn’t lie down, so you sit up to lean against his shoulder.

And the world stops, like what you said. For a moment the only thing you two could hear was the sound of your breathing and the beating of your hearts, he held your hand in his while you both watched the stoplight change colors. It felt like you two were the only people on earth, and it was the best. There was nothing but the moon, your thoughts, the stoplight, and him. And as peaceful as it was you couldn’t stop the thought from spilling from your mouth.

“Someday I’ll burn this town to the ground” you comment, and he snorts.

“Gee, it sure sounds like a solid plan” he says it sarcastically, and you turn to look at him.

“I’m serious! You better not get in my way or anything or else I’ll have to set you on fire” you say it with the most serious tone that he’s taken aback, well that was one weird thought he thought.

His face makes you laugh and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh with you. He shook his head when he realized you were joking, probably. You felt content and happy that you decided to grant him one wish. He once again has the confused face he had earlier, just when he was finally settled you suddenly move. He tries to stand up to follow you, but you told him that you’ll be back.

He watched you open the driver’s side of the car, he thought you were about to drive away and leave him here but he was abruptly stopped mid-thought when the speakers of the radio of his car boomed throughout the empty streets. His eyes widened, he was worried that it might wake the whole street up. Then he remembered that the residential homes were located near the outskirts of town, so it was unlikely that anyone would hear. Most of this area had shops and stores, so the people are probably back at home, you both aren’t technically disturbing anyone hopefully. He relaxes back into his seat to watch you waltz back towards him.

“So?” you asked, the smile on your face was infectious.

“So?” he mimicked dumbly and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, was he always this dumb?

“May I have this dance?” you groaned, turning red yourself. You blamed it on the cold, but he couldn’t help but laugh at you. At first it sounded like he was mocking you, but when you met his eyes to smack him on the head you were only met with eyes filled with so much endearment and affection that you could only pull back your hand.

He takes your hand to stand up, you complain of course, he was heavy. But he hushed you when he placed his fingers to your chapped lips, he smiled so widely that it looked like it hurt. You pursed your lips, wrapping your arms around his neck and he securely holds your waist. Although the atmosphere was supposed to be romantic, your terrible sense of rhythm in dancing ruined it. You would think that you’d be good at following the rhythm when dancing being a couple of musicians, but you both always missed a beat by a second. And he could only laugh while you cursed, finally remembering why you never danced.

You were muttering something under you breath, but your voice hitched when he brushes his fingers against your hair. He placed a sweet kiss to your temple and you freeze, you felt your heart clench at the action. He begins whispering the lyrics to your ear, you swallow thickly. This was one of the rare times he’d sing to you, you tried to tell him countless times that his voice was beautiful, but he had always denied saying yours was better. But hearing him now, whispering softly against your ear while he nuzzled his nose to your neck affectionately made your heart throb. You take in a deep breath, this feeling in your chest, it was your heart clenching. You didn’t know if he was hurting you but you were so overwhelmed that you suddenly pushed him away.

“Did I do something wrong?” his eyes spoke, trying to reach out to you again but you take another step backward.

“This was a stupid idea” You were shocked to hear your voice crack, Donghyuck frowns at your comment.

“What do you mean?”

“Take me home.... now.”

He tried to take a step towards you but you run back towards his car, closing the door to wait for him. You lower the volume of the radio and try to gather your thoughts, what the fuck was that? You watched him walk back towards the car and swore to yourself, whatever the hell you felt earlier, whatever he did to you, he will never be able to do again. It was too much of a risk, and you swore to yourself to never let yourself be that vulnerable again.

He tries to talk to you on the way home, but your replies were dry. You were busy fiddling with your fingers while looking outside the window. He tried his best to make you tell him what he did wrong but he couldn’t get another word out from you the moment he pulled up in front of your house. You were about to leave but you decided to try and turn things around, you tried to get back to what you two were used to.

You kissed him, hauling yourself over the center console to sit on his lap. He tries to pull away but you continued to kiss, hastily lifting his shirt to try and remove it. In the end he was weak to your touch, he could never deny you of anything. He hoped that you two could talk it out in the morning but you were unavailable the next few weeks after that, busy fooling around with Johnny.

“I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.

I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up, leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream”

Present day.

The next day you decided to visit your home town. Although you didn’t have any family left to visit, you had volunteered to play at an orphanage, it was the least you could do for the holidays. If you couldn’t be happy, you could at least make others feel it. Who knew that Jeno’s stupid guitar lessons would end up becoming an asset to you, you could at least spread a little joy to the children who didn’t have parents, you somehow understood how they felt, in a weird way.

It was a joy to finally sing with a purpose again, hearing them laugh and sing along with you made your heart sore. Well at least you didn’t feel as useless after playing with a few of the kids and chatting with the caretakers and other volunteers. It felt freeing, to finally do something right. You fucked up this year for the most of it but you felt a bit less burdened when the children asked you to braid their hair or took your hand to dance with them. After serving your purpose at the orphanage you find yourself at the intersection. You don’t know what you wanted to accomplish, but your feet ended up taking you here.

And as expected it was filled with bustling life, people going in and out of shops to buy late christmas presents, children building snowmen and riding the tiny slopes made by the snow. The traffic as usual was heavy, the cars were honking and the streets were so noisy that no one could bearly hear themselves think. You sat by a bench near the park, the intersect still in your sight. You were eating a bagel mindlessly when a little kid sat beside you, he was eyeing your guitar.

“You play?” the little kid asked and you nodded, giving him a small smile to not scare him away, you probably looked like a walking corpse; you can’t remember the last time you slept properly.

“A little bit, like five songs?” you smiled and he instantly asks you to play, there was this urgency in his voice that you couldn’t help but immediately do what he was asking.

You bite into the bagel while tuning your guitar, thinking of a song to play, well out of the five you knew how to play. You began strumming the guitar to Paramore’s The Only Exception, humming the tune as best as you could with the bagel in your mouth. You end your humming after the first chorus to be met with a grimace, the little kid laughed at you.

“You’re no good”

“Hey!” you take out the bagel from your mouth to yell jokingly at him, he scrunches his nose up when you ruffle his hair and you laugh at his annoyed face, he somehow looked familiar, was he one of the kids from the orphanage? Wait were they even allowed to leave the orphanage?

“So what’s your name?” You ask, putting the guitar back into its case. The voice that meets your ears wasn’t the little boy’s, it was a voice you haven’t heard in a long time, a voice you thought you’d never hear again.

“Dongsuk,”

This has to be a dream, it couldn’t be real. You blink a few times before pinching yourself, you were probably hallucinating. Because there is no way, not a chance the Lee Donghyuck was now standing in front of you. That shit only happens in movies, this can’t be real. But you could only rub your eyes so much, he looked real, like real enough that he was getting closer to you. And he finally speaks, and you finally realize it really is him in the flesh.

“Where have you been?” he speaks, you first thought that he was talking to you but he grabs the little boy’s arm. He glances at you and you try to speak and he simply turns his nose away from you, you feel your world crack in half.

To his defense you were the one who moved dorms, changed your number, and avoided him like a plague. So his reaction was expected, you don’t know why you were so surprised. He was about to walk away when you finally speak, he stops cold in his steps when he hears your voice.

“Donghyuck...” He turns to look at you, and his eyes were still the same. It still had the same hurt and sadness you’d usually see when he looked at you, but he looked much more angrier than you remembered.

“Let’s... talk”

“You are the only exception, oh and I'm on my way to believing.”

[geist-fledermaus]

Get To Know Me!

Since I’ve received quite a few followers here and there, I might as well do this!

What is your full name?: Beryl (Sorry, I don’t like my whole name)

What does your name mean?: It’s a gemstone. 

Are you named after anyone?: My großmütter, Beryl Rae Jensen

Does your name make any interesting anagrams?: Not really?

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?: Fuck if I know. Probably something basic so I’m less easy to find. 

Where are you from?: North Pole, AK (I shit you not)

Where were you born?: North Pole, AK

Where did you grow up?: North Pole, AK

Who did you look up to growing up?: My father.

What are your best characteristics?: I can draw. 

What are your favorite things about yourself?: I can draw. 

Which of your parents are you closest to?: My dad.

Which of your parents are you more like?: My daaaad.

What relative was important to you growing up & why?: Tbh My dad was my super hero, he took care of me and my sister, worked 3 jobs, and took care of mom while she went through cancer. He’s the most important lmfao.

What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?: I’m Pagan.

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?: Bert Raymond... 

What is your best physical feature?: Eyes or chest. :/ 

What is your biggest accomplishment?: Being locally recognized as an artist, especially on local TV. 

What is your biggest fear?: Being forgotten, being alone. 

What is your biggest regret?: Not pushing myself even more with art. 

What is your eye color?: Various blues with inner green circles. 

What inspires you?: Other artists. 

What is the most important thing in your life?: My fiance! @boywasgirl

What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?: To not give up. To not quit college and drop everything I’ve worked hard for. 

What is your favorite flower?: Sunflowers!

What is your favorite weather?: Rainy weather and thunder/lightning storms!

Who is your favorite actor?: I have a few, but I love Johnny Depp and Jason Momoa. 

Who is your favorite actress?: F u c k. I adore Emma Stone, Emma Watson.. uhh.. Emilia Clarke! That’s just to name a few. 

Who is your favorite celebrity?: Oh fuck. Idk. 

Who is your favorite musician?: They’re a band but I love Bring Me The Horizon, Oliver Syke’s voice and lyrics hit me hard. 

Who’s your favorite person in the world?: @boywasgirl

Who are your best friends?: @armageddonne @darkdragoonxiii @vixenchildxd69-blog and my bff Alisha! 

What is your favorite childhood memory?: My sister breaking the fucking garage door like a dumbshit. 

What is your favorite color?: Black or seafoam green~ I also love other greens and blues! It’s so damn hard to choose. 

What is your favorite cultural activity?: Uh. Axe throwing? Idk what counts as a cultural activity when it comes to me and my family haha. 

What is your favorite drink?: For waking up, Monster or pomegranate and orange redbull kickers, I love mountain dew, anything with peaches and mango as well. 

What is your favorite fairytale?: HAHA. I looove reading about the Tales of Grimm. I can’t just pick one. 

What is your favorite food?: Pizza or Taco Bell.

What is your favorite holiday destination?: Anywhere but Alaska. I love to explore. I REALLY want to travel to Germany, Norway, Ireland, England, and most of Western Europe. 

What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?: Strawberry Cheesecake or Mint Chocolate

What is your favorite music genre?: Fuck. I have so many. I love a lot of metal subgenres, alternative rock, punk, old 2000′s emo bands, EDM, rap, I don’t even know how to label all of my favorites but there’s a lot to unpack there. If you’re curious just shoot me a question ahaha! 

What is your favorite physical activity?: Swimming!! 

What is your favorite quote?: “Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything, I promise.” - Mitch Lucker, former vocalist of Suicide Silence. 

What is your favorite snack?: Peach Rings, Brightside Skittles.. Uhh. MY MOM’S CLAM DIP AND RUFFLES CHIPS? 

What is your favorite song?: Throne - BMTH or Mis//Understanding - We Came As Romans.

What is your favorite sport?: Swimming, Hockey, Volleyball and Fencing. 

What is your favorite time of the day?: Early afternoons or late nights. 

What is your favorite type of clothing?: Goth/Alt fashion. 

What is your favorite way to pass time?: Gaming or drawing. 

What is the name of your favorite restaurant?: Family Diner (It’s in my town. It’s really chill and laid back.)

What is your all-time favorite town or city? Why?: I really enjoyed Denver, CO. It was filled with really colorful, intriguing personalities. There was so much to explore, everyone was so open and sweet. 

What is your height?: ... 5′2″

What time period would you love to live in?: Viking Era. 

What did you do for fun as a child?: Drawing. 

Who was a role model in your life?: My dad! 

Did you have any childhood pets?: I grew up with 5 cats and 4 dogs! 

When you were young, what did you want to be?: A mortician. 

What family traditions were important to you?: I can’t even remember many.. I loved during gatherings how we’d play Spoons, wrestle, and be reckless though. 

What was your favorite childhood memory?: Ahah! Shenanigans with my “Twin” Kyle. 

What was your favorite childhood possession?: My Gameboy Color! 

What challenges did you experience when you were young?: Almost losing my mother, trying to speak English, being bullied heavily. 

What is a defining moment from your childhood?: My mother coming home from the hospital finally. 

What do you do for fun?: Play video games and draw. I’m pretty boring. 

What are your hobbies?: Drawing, Painting, Digital Art, Gaming, Dancing, Singing.

What is something that you’re really passionate about?: My art.

What is something you could spend hours doing?: Drawing

What is something you wish you did more often?: Draw. 

If you had to watch a documentary, what would you want it to be about?: Anything WW1/WW2 related or Forensics/Serial Killer related. 

What do you always have on in the background?: Lofi Hiphop or random videos on youtube that catch my eye. 

How do you feel about travel?: Fuck yeah, where are we going and for how long? 

What is a guilty pleasure you enjoy?: Fuckin’ watching Serial Killer documentaries. 

How have your interests changed over the years?: Nah, I’m still the same. I’m pretty bland. 

Which sibling are you closest to?: My sister, Erika! 

How close are you with your parents?: Close but not too close.

How has your relationship with your parents changed over the years?: For the worse.

What is one of the most important lessons that you learned from your family?: You cannot trust anyone. Not even your own family. 

When does your family cause you to stress?: All the damn time. All they need to do is send me a text and I immediately begin to dread. 

What does the word family mean to you?: Something that I never got to fully have but I experienced. It’s also something I can create on my own accord. 

When you envision your ideal family, what do you see?: Honestly me with my partner/partners, kids, animals, and friends. 

How vulnerable is your family with each other?: Everyone is always on guard and they’ll be mean if you even show some form of sensitivity. 

What is a family trait that isn’t necessarily the healthiest?: Being a snitch, gaslighting, gatekeeping, misogyny, yelling if you even show an inkling of emotion. I could go on. 

What relatives had the biggest impact on you growing up?: In a negative way, almost all of my family. The only two I really loved growing up were my dad and sister, Erika. 

What do you watch on television?: If it’s cable I go to MTV, Forensic Files, or Adult Swim/Anything with cartoons. 

What is one of your favorite movies?: To Hell And Back, Howl’s Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, Dracula Untold (For some reason I just really like it, don’t judge). 

If you could have free tickets to any event, what would it be?: A BMTH concert PLEASE. Or anything that’s a EDM/Rave environment. ;_;

What is your favorite form of media?: Youtube tbh. 

What role does music play in your life?: A huge role, BMTH got me through a lot of hard times. 

What is one of your favorite books?: Corey Taylor’s Seven Deadly Sins. It’s a riot of a read and makes me laugh. 

How often do you watch sporting events?: Here and there, especially at bars if they have Hockey going. 

What would your ideal weekend getaway look like?: Road trip to Anchorage and staying at my mom’s cousin’s estate in the mountains. I only got to go there a few times and the view is absolutely captivating. You can see the waters, the city, all the lights.. fuck I’d love to draw that. 

Who are popular figures that you love to learn from?: Fuck if I know LOL. 

What celebrity/musician would you love to meet in real life?: Oliver Sykes and Maria Brink tbh.

If you wrote a memoir about your life, what would it be called?: “Well, That Happened.” A memoir of a dumb bitch LOL. 

What fictional world would you want to travel to for a day?: FUCK. I’d love to just be in a simulation like the girl in Porter Robinson’s music video of Shelter. Just being in a drawing simulation where I can run around and create anything and everything around me. But if we’re talking actual worlds.. I’d probably love to be in Avatar The Last Airbender’s world. I love that series so much. 

What room in your house most represents who you are as a person?: The Office. It’s got art supplies, our gaming PC, all of my schoolwork/homework, the drawing tablets.. 

How clean a person are you?: Tbh I am pretty clean, it’s just cleaning huge messes/unpacking that I hate. 

What is a pet peeve that you have?: STOP CHEWING WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OPEN. 

What behavior do you do that is most likely a pet peeve to others?: Uhh. Idk. Nail biting? Loud laughter? forgetting to turn off lights? Idk. 

What phrase or word do you overuse when you talk?: “I’m so sorry” “I m a g i n e” 

If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life, what would it be?: Fuck. Hahaaaaa. I’d probably love to just sit and eat at the Family Diner. I love their Reubens. 

What is something about your personality that you like? Don’t like?: I like that people feel comfortable running to me when they need a friend. I don’t like a lot about me, though.

What would your friends be surprised to learn about you?: I am ambidextrous and I know German/Englisch and some French! I want to learn Norwegian even more and Gaelic! 

Where do you see yourself in a few years?: West coast where it’s rainy with those that I love, pursuing my career finally after all these years of hard work. 

Thanks for reading this if you finally made it to the end! If there’s other questions you want to ask, don’t hesitate! ^^ Hopefully you learned something about me! 

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Jinjer’s Tatiana Shmayluk: “We don’t have any guarantees about our future”

Between riding the success of third album Macro and landing some of their biggest festival spots to date, including a set on Download’s main stage, life was pretty hectic for Jinjer pre-pandemic. Now they’ve got your attention (and with no tours to jump on this year), we got vocalist Tatiana Shmaylyuk to face all of your devilish questions.

What was the metal scene like in Ukraine growing up, and now? Becca England (email)

“I’m not sure… The metal scene is ‘eh’ in Ukraine. There’s a couple of bands that are actually working and that’s it, that’s everything I can tell you.”

Your vocal performances seem to be used a lot for reaction videos. Are these something you watch back and, if so, what do you take from them? Adam Beard (Facebook)

“No, I never watch them. I just don’t see it being genuine because I think every reaction filmed on camera is not the first reaction, it’s a second reaction to our music video or something because they’ve seen it before and then they decided, ‘Oh OK, let me just film how I react again but on camera’, and I just don’t believe it. People do it just for views, as always.”

Hammer: Do the criticisms from these videos bother you or is it something that doesn’t faze you?

“I don’t even know what they talk about! I don’t care if they admire our music or they hate it. I just don’t care. That’s it.”

Who are your musical inspirations? And who are your non-musical inspirations? @ZainaArekat (via Twitter)

“Ah shit, my inspirations… There are many of them, there as many as there are genres that I listen to. Amy Winehouse, Bob Marley… It will take so much time to enumerate all of them.”

What is the biggest challenge of recording a Jinjer album? @ejirorudomakugi (Twitter)

“The biggest challenge is lack of time, schedule, less time when we recorded our Macro album. I wrote a song the day before I had to record it. So yeah, my brain was [blows raspberries] liquid after that, it was horrible and very stressful. Sometimes I come to the studio and I have only half a song ready. That’s the biggest challenge for me, not being prepared and still doing my shit.”

How can young metal bands break through and begin playing bigger slots on festival bills? Hayley Lee Smith (email)

“How to do it? I don’t know! If you know, just let me know. Come on, guys, we still sometimes play at fucking, I don’t know, 3pm? Which is like the earliest that you can play main stage. We are not there yet. We’ve never been in that type of position where we played before headliner or something, or at least I don’t remember that, maybe we did but I don’t remember. At Hell In Heaven Festival in Mexico it happened; a lot of big bands refused to travel to Mexico because of COVID, so that’s why we played as a headliner. I think that’s the greatest thing – when you are 50 years old, you’re gonna occupy all those main slots at festivals.”

Hammer: Speaking of festivals, you’ve just been announced for Hellfest! Even though 2021 is very unpredictable, how are your feelings around that? Are you excited for it?

“I have no idea! Ha ha ha! I really hope so, I’m keeping my fingers crossed and everything. But lately I saw a meme on Instagram that said like, ‘I asked my doctor when this pandemic is over and he said, “How do I know? I’m a doctor, not a politician.”’ So, pfft, who knows?! This year proves to me that we just don’t have any guarantees about our future. You don’t know about tomorrow, so don’t plan anything. That’s basically how I live. I don’t like to plan, but everything that is planned for the band and for every band in this world… I hope it will come true.”

With Europe holding the biggest metal festivals in world, are there any places you would like to see such festivals happen and flourish? @johnapomfret (Twitter)

“I mean, we haven’t yet visited all the festivals in the world, you know? It’s just only in Europe, and one in Mexico, right? I really don’t know what to answer!”

Do you have any favourite venues?  @Sonszn05 (Twitter)

“I remember there are a lot of great, high-end venues in Germany. If it has a huge backstage, a shower maybe, good catering and good equipment.”

You sport a lot of great ink. What was your most recent tattoo? Also, is there a favourite or one of special significance that you can speak to? Vivek Pawar (via Facebook)

“My recent one is my throat tattoo. There are no special meanings to my tattoos at all. Maybe my Amy Winehouse and Frida Kahlo ones…”

Hammer: Which ones hurt the most?

“I think [one of the] most painful was on my feet, a koi fish. That was painful. Also, my belly tattoo; I think that was the most painful tattoo ever. On my stomach, the tattoo artist who worked with me applied so much painkiller cream but it didn’t work. It just didn’t. It was like working for 30 minutes and then it was gone. I was sweating out, making faces, it was horrible and it still needs some touch-ups but I will never go back to that tattoo again. I’m gonna leave it as it is.”

The wife is asking how long it took to master gutturals, she loves how powerful you sound. @Nnefariousjack (Twitter)

“Persistent work, practising, just like in every other sphere of our life. If you want to master something like that then there’s no secret to it. The key is just the part of working, training and practising. That’s it. It’s not a secret!”

Hammer: Was any particular part of learning gutturals that was hard?

“My technique changes from time to time, unfortunately. Like 10 years ago, it was really good. But then some days I forget how to do it and some days I kind of remember how to do it but then it comes out like absolutely different. Everything is fucking hard! I think the hardest thing is screaming.”

What’s your dream collaboration? Aimee Perowne (email)

“Unfortunately, some of the musicians that I want to sing with are dead, but… I would love to sing with Chino Moreno from Deftones or Randy Blythe from Lamb Of God, Joe Duplantier from Gojira. And, oh, Mikael Åkerfeldt from Opeth. He should be in first place.”

Hammer: Are there any non-metal collaborations you would consider?

“Oh, yeah! I think P!nk, and I always wanted to sing with Gwen Stefani, but back when she was in No Doubt. It’s kind of rock and… everything… so I don’t consider it to be metal.”

Hammer: Do you think the metal scene as it is would allow for non-metal collaborations?

“I’m not a big fan of collaborations. You cannot be ‘free’ when you do one, it’s either you invite someone to sing your song, or you are invited to sing their songs. In that song it’s your voice, but it’s your voice being controlled by them, [so] it’s gonna be hard. I don’t like the idea of collaborations unless it’s really, really good and both people are giving their best and own visions to the song. Oh, another singer I would love to collaborate with is Maynard James Keenan from Tool. Passenger with Deftones, with the duet of Chino and Maynard, is perfect. You can recognise every one of them and they sing in their own way. But I don’t like the idea of collaborations in general…”

[parks-involving-water]

Review: Midnight by Set It Off

Okay let's just get straight to it. Yall know I’m a slut for Set It Off. This is just gonna be me going in-depth into all of my favorite parts of the songs and lyrics. Les go

1. Killer In The Mirror

This has been a bop since DAY ONE are you kidding me????? The sampling? The sheer amount of fuck you energy? The fast part during the pre-chorus? The DROP for the chorus? Cody saying “knock ‘em all the FUCK out” adds 10 years to my lifespan every time I hear it.

Favorite Lyrics: Now I know, there’s no one I can trust I used to think there was Tell me that I’m cut throat- I think you got your eyes closed Feel the fear, and swallow back the tears Let weakness disappear There’s nobody but me here- the killer in the mirror

We been knew this shit goes hard NEXT

2. Hourglass

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THIS DESTROYED ME WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT. The fucking,,,, instrumental!!! The beat!!!! Cinematics is on the phone and she said this is it chief!!!! God!!! Like can we PLEASE talk about the nananas during the bridge?? It’s such a small thing but it adds so fuckin much to the song,,,, unbelievable

Favorite Lyrics: I'm falling through the hourglass And I don't think I'll ever make it back So I throw stones at walls I'll never climb Victim to the sands of time

This is also such like? Such a defining song for the sound of the whole album, if you think about it. Quality shit

3. Lonely Dance

ANOTHER one we already knew slaps. The guitar? The trumpet? Iconic. This one has such a fucking Vibe. Also???? So relatable. Cody came through with the social anxiety moods and I owe him my life for it.

Favorite Lyrics: Some days I’m up, some days I’m down Some days, the world is way too loud Some days my bed won't let me out But I’m okay with missin’ out on the social anxiety Out on the phony friends I don’t need So I just turn off my phone, turn on TV Cause solo’s the only way I can breathe

Okay a great song but OLD NEWS let’s get to that Fresh Content

4. Different Songs

Possibly the danciest song on this album. The fucking guitar riff and the bass? The melodies? The harmonizing in the bg of the pre-chorus and the bridge? It all blends together and it’s SUCH a bop. The most poppin song about falling out of love I’ve ever heard

Favorite Lyrics: We once called it love, devolved into lust Jealousy speaks out to silence the trust We temper our words 'cause we're scared of the truth Humming tunes that we can't get through

5. For You Forever

The instrumental in this one KILLS me. So do Cody’s vocals, honestly. He really poured his heart out into those “forever”s and you FEEL it. This one really hits me in the heart tbh. The whole theme of giving up on something that you want so bad is big oof

Favorite Lyrics: She said; “I won't wait for you forever, for you forever So, don't you say it's for the better, it's for the better 'Cause I can't take later than never, later than never No, I won't wait for you forever”

6. Dancing With The Devil

THIS SHIT IS SO BRUTAL. Like even the opening- the distorted vocals,,, god. And the lyrics! So fucking pissed off. Cody once again KILLS the delivery. I will never be over the emotion he puts into every song he sings. And when that hook hits the second time with his normal vocals and then the distorted version UNDERNEATH? Hits so hard. Don't even TALK to me about the rap part god. Also,,,, idk if this is about who I Think It’s About but like either way,,, go off sis

Favorite Lyrics: You try to act as if you're saving me But you wouldn't cut the rope if it was hanging me I'm sick of people saying what you sow you reap 'Cause I've been counting down the minutes of that, so to speak Think of all the hours and hours of grindin’ That would turn into sour findings As I wonder if our resigning is becoming the silver lining But I’m not a coward, I’m fighting Cause if they’re the meat, then I’m biting So go ahead, ignoring and smiling Cause I’m climbing til’ I let you know

7. Go To Bed Angry (Feat. Wayfarers)

This is! Such a good song, and I love the message. Like, settling issues instead of being passive aggressive or quietly angry. And it’s so nice to listen? Like everything feels so clean and leads into each other so well. Also!!! I’ve never listened to Wayfarers before but GOD the guest vocalist is AMAZING. Her and Cody’s voices harmonize so well. All in all a fuckin BOP

Favorite Lyrics: So don't you walk away from me Let's settle this, rather hear you scream Than whisper shit- there's no in-between 'Cause if we sleep in our feelings, we'll never start healing

8. Midnight Thoughts

ANOTHER one with some heavy Cinematics vibes. Honestly, I feel like this one is a great example of how amazing this album’s production is. Like, there’s so many little background elements that come together to make it sound so fuckin cool. For example, that one hook near the end where it suddenly strips back to just a beat and vocals? KILLED me. Also, another relatable anxiety bop,

Favorite Lyrics: Dim the lights, shut the blinds, but I’m counting the time Am I nervous or am I insane? Try to turn up the sound, but I can’t shut it out 'Cause I’m hearing the pulse in my veins

9. Criminal Minds

The orchestral feel to this one is so nice, and the rhythm of the lyrics feels so cool. The strings were such a good touch, they go really well with the electric guitar somehow. Cody’s vocals also feel really smooth in this one? Like this is just a pretty sounding number I love it

Favorite Lyrics: This stress eats at my soul I can't tell if I'm breathing at all Street drama takes its toll So, hit the road

10. No Disrespect

UGHHHHH don't get me STARTED on the chorus here. The stripped back staccato rhythm of the vocals with the bursts of instrumental, and then the way it flows into the full instrumental for the repetition in the second half of the chorus. It sounds so fucking gooooooooooooooood I'm having a crisis

Favorite Lyrics: 'Cause I don't see you the way you want to Forget your rescue, we're dreaming, dreaming, dreaming We had our good times, but time has passed by Begin your new life, I'm reaching, pleading, screaming

11. Stitch Me Up

I have SO much to say about this song. Cody and Shay are so fucking cute and their relationship is so nice. Any time Cody talks or sings about Shay you can feel how fuckin in love they are. The only two nice love songs I can ever remember him writing (The other one being Diamond Girl) have been about her and they’ve both been absolute gems. This one especially. It has such a potent vibe that I can really only describe as a summer song. It’s so,,, bouncy and lively and genuinely sweet with just a faint hint of sadness and ughhhhhhhh. PLUS the fuckin commentary Cody gave for this song on his insta story,,,,

“One of my favorites. These lyrics came straight from the heart. [Shay] and I have both come from damaged relationships, but somehow being broken is what made us whole.” 

Anyways love is real and I’m soft don't TOUCH ME

Favorite Lyrics: Stitch me up, stitch me up, don’t tear me apart I’ve been stuck in a rut, patched up in the dark Stitch me up, stitch me up, there’s pins in my heart Oh, pardon all my precious scars

12. Raise No Fool

Cody fuckin SNAPPED with this song and I’m living for it. One of the things Cody does so, so well, is delivering just the Most intense anger through his vocals and he brought it ALL for this one. You don’t know what happened but you fuckin FEEL it. Idk who this is about but like,,, killem Cody go Off bitch!!

Favorite Lyrics: Well, first you try to tell me that we're family Then you try to tell me that it's for the best You promise that you'll be there if I need ya But I don't need your handout, you can take it back!

13. I Want You (Gone) (Feat. Matt Appleton)

Another more mellow song, but it’s still so fuckin Good. It just has such a palpable vibe and feel. From what I can gather it’s about leaving a toxic relationship behind, and it Feels that way, in a sense? Like when I listen to it I just get this Feeling of something solemn yet triumphant and clean and new, like cutting someone shitty out of your life. PLUS, that sax? It adds SUCH a nice element to the second half of the song. Matt Appleton is a gift I’m so glad they brought him on for this song

Favorite Lyrics: I guess you'd say I'm blessed I threw away stress the moment I said I want you, I want you gone I'm on my own path, you're stuck in the past I want you, I want you gone

14. Unopened Windows

GOD,,, OKAY,,, HERE WE GO,,, Imma be real with yall. I cried the first time I heard this. It just be like that sometimes. But like this is LITERALLY Dad’s Song 2 and I wasn’t fuckin READY for that. There was no WARNING,,, I wasn’t told I was gonna get hit with that much EMOTION Okay okay for real though, this song is actually gorgeous. It’s just,,, pure fucking grief, so much of it, poured into a song. The composition, the vocals, every element of it is so powerful and heartbreaking. This is the kinda song you cry to- but like, a healing cry, the kind you have right before you take a deep breath and start moving on, y’know? The moment I heard Danny Boy near the end, I started crying all over again. Any time I hear this song or Dad’s Song, I cannot fucking begin to imagine how Cody must feel about what happened to his dad. It’s a kind of grief that can’t be explained. I’m just glad he feels like he can share it with all of us, and that he has a support system behind him. Also, I cannot communicate enough just how much this feels like a fucking,,, movie soundtrack. Like this shit would not feel out of place in a musical or something. The swelling orchestral music near the end fucking kills me. Gotta go cry again brb

Favorite Lyrics: All the stories left unwritten that we drew up in the past It's the game we never went to or the drinks we never had As I look up to the stars and make a wish to bring you back But I curse the roof above me and I learn to live behind all these Unopened windows, bound to my heart Fantasy so close feels so afar But I long to break the lock And live among the life we lost Through unopened windows; they tear me apart...

15. Happy All The Time (Feat. Skyler Acord)

WHAT a closing number. Addmmitedly a bit of a jarring followup to Unopened Windows, but it also makes a lot of sense, to go from a song about grief to a song about letting yourself process negative emotions. It also feels like SUCH a culmination of the album. Maxx even said in his Midnight release livestream, he thinks that it sort of represents the entire message of Midnight as a whole. The album was written to deal with a collection of sad, angry, and upsetting topics or experiences- this song takes all of those and says, “Dude, it’s fine, it’s okay to feel shitty, you don’t have to bottle it in or hide it” and honestly, there are so many people who need to hear that- it’s such an important message. Also??? The fucking???? Choir??? WHAT a touch. Honestly there are Several songs on this album that feel like they could be off a musical soundtrack and this is DEFINITELY one of them. It feels like a finale, and it’s so just powerful and uplifting and emotional, I love it so much.

Favorite Lyrics: It's okay, you're not crazy! Gotta taste the salt to love the sweet Let it out and scream “I'm okay, I'm not crazy!” 'Cause the tears remind me I'm alive It's fine to not be happy all the time!

Honestly, this may be my favorite album by them yet. It’s such a fucking monument to everything they’ve been through and learned and explored as a band for ten years, it has such a clear vision and comes together so well. The lyricism, vocals, instrumentals, composition, and production are all fucking fantastic. I’m so excited to see where this era leads us, and I’m so happy with what we’ve seen so far.

In conclusion, the boys did it again, I’m weeping, and stream Midnight on Itunes and Spotify. Peace out kids a bitch is gonna take a NAP

[parkaiur]

(Un)popular Opinions ep 9!

wowowoow so like... this whole thing was a R O L L E R C O A S T E R and like ten times worse cuz im so emotionally fragile after all of this is over djfhjkhfggj

this turned into “what i liked abt each performance” instead of unpopular opinions BUT i still added some throughout so :^) 

OK LETS GET INTO IT :D 

so honesty hour~ i was scared when Seunghun was joining treasure 5... NOT that i think hes untalented in any way shape or form, but he’s the oldest and it seemed like the group would be seunghun + the kids LMAO 

BUT I WAS SURPRISED (not rly) that he fit so well into Going Crazy ??? Like i was so shook that seunghun could sing any song and totally slay it ,, like wowowow he keeps surpassing my expectations

i screamed when he appeared on stage

BOOMERANG PERF ! : ) 

ok ok okokokok for those who dont know... jihoon .... is my bias and this performance i have been dreading looking forward to the entire week

i know YG edited it and made it seem like Boomerang was too powerful and strong for dohwan and yeongue, but honestly, out of all the groups, i think boomerang was most suited for this team ,,, 

like yeongue??? singing daehwi’s parts?? i didnt know i needed that til now... their voices are so similiar (like tone and style) and their dancing was similar as well !! 

 all of them were so good? like dohwan is an amazing dancer + vocalist and yoshinori..... really.... wearing that... rapping like that.... sgjdfghsfdjgh

plus,,, where are those ppl who were calling jihoon untalented?? BOY WAS LITERALLY THE MAIN VOCAL IN THE PERFORMANCE U HOES

anyways, choi hyunsuk......... he is an amazing leader wowow like when he was leading the boys in the rehearsal and shouting at them while they were literally on stage kdfjdhskd  that was a side of him we hadnt seen before

and the fact that he choreographed the dance breaks ?!?!? like he couldve asked jihoon to help him, but the fact that he carried that on his own is AMAZING ... they truly had the hardest dance to learn and when they made it themselves,, it made everything 10x cooler 

GROWL TEAM !

well ,,, this was depressing cuz i knew only one of them would survive ... 

tbh my pick wouldnt have been junghwan, it wouldve been jongseob, but i agree that junghwan did very well !! like he has lots of stage experience and knows what to do on stage ,,,, i mean jongseob too but idk man he is underrated : / 

anyways , DUMB AND DUMBER PERFORMANCE !

ok like from that teaser... we all knew they were going to win ... it was just expected with confetti guns and backup dancers 3 members of team a +mashi and yoonbin,, all very talented boys and mashi has been training for a long time as well 

in my opinion, this song suited Byounggon and Doyoung the most! they really caught my eye in this performance !! like i knew they were going to win as soon as Byounggon yelled “PARTY PEOPLE~~” like...ok byounggon if u wanted my attention, all u had to do was just ask ;-;

byounggon looked really good in this perf... like really good..... too good *chokes*JFGKDGJKJSGF

im usually not fond of that “wet hair” style,,, but it looked so good on him...... /i cant breathe/

ALSO Doyoung’s singing??? i knew he was a good singer but this song really suited his voice and i got chills when he sang 

anyways, DNA TEAM ! :D 

they were amazing as well !! :D but their stage wasnt as flashy cuz DNA isnt really a flashy song,, its very straightforward LOL

anyways,,,,, yedam and seunghun’s high note was a literal out of body experience like i cant even function thinking abt it cuz it was so beautiful ... it was so flawless as well ... 

they sang so smoothly together ... i’ll never be over it ... 

i wish i could actually see them tho wtf was that green lighting

also can we appreciate how hard yedam works? i know lots of ppl say yyg exaggerates yedam’s talent and basically calls him a God LMAO ,,, but like,,, after this ,,, he truly is a genius cuz i cant even fathom learning a dance and song in an hour tops wowowow on top of studying for exams??and how much stress that is ?? i can barely eat when im studying for exams oml

.... he really is amazing ... and doesnt deserve all the shit yg throws at him 

OVERALL ! 

ok ok ok so now it gets controversial 

ELIMINATIONS : ( 

ok so as expected, Keita and Seunghun were eliminated which was such a shit move on yg’s part :/ like Keita is the longest running japanese trainee and seunghun is the longest running korean trainee... like wtf

and before i get shit for this, obviously i didnt want any of DNA team to be eliminated (i dont want anyone to be eliminated period),,, but c’mon ,, a 14 year old who has been training for not even a year VS 9 year and 5 year trainees ... ,, i’l admit, i think seunghun deserved that spot, 

and jeongwoo thought so too ,, like the look in jeongwoo’s eyes were not “oh yay i won!!” they were “me park jeongwoo??” kdfjdgkhsfd ,, he looked at seunghun immediately which was so sad cuz these trainees dont even have the time to be happy for themselves cuz they are too busy feeling sad for their friends... ... /sigh/

ok boomerang elimination time freaked me TF out cuz jihoon is my bias of like the entire show and ;-;;;;;;;;; jihoon ;-;;;;;; like obviously hyunsuk was expected, but i was thinking yoshinori or jihoon? really dont know with yg :/  

bUT IM SO HAPPY JIHOON MADE IT AJFKDFJSKGJ  like yes i love Yoshinori but ugh my heart hurts for jihoon .. he’s been through so much ... (but later i felt better keke)

and after those eliminations were over,,, like hyunsuk’s crying really got to me... he was crying ever since seunghun was eliminated and we all know hyunsuk cannot hide his emotions for shit so he was covering his ears during DNA eliminations and he apologized multiple times to the boomerang team and looked SO guilty... my heart ached hearing his sobs... they sounded so child-like and pitiful. it really put things into perspective ;-; 

before this, i was unsure if hyunsuk was fit to be a leader, not cuz he cant lead, but cuz he’s so emotional ... but after boomerang team, i think he really can lead Team A if/when they debut... like wow he was a really amazing leader and sometimes showing/feeling emotion can be good as a role model ... but ofc all team a members are amazing leaders LOL (also jihoon aka leader of team b)

ok i already said my peace abt growl so yeet ,,, was expected and i heard spoilers... /sigh/

and ok ok ,,, so i truly think Dumb and Dumber deserved to win,, but all the groups did so well ! i enjoyed all of them except growl tbh (maybe cuz that song has been covered so many times and im lowkey sick of it sdlkjfhdsjgs) but !! they all worked so hard :’(    

ALSO THAT ENDING AHAHAHAHA :))))

i believe the trainees who come back are Seunghun (i know it is LMAO) and Yoshinori(??) i say that cuz the camera zoomed on Treasure J members and Haruto opened his arms up for a hug !! and i feel like he would do that for another one of his members kldsjfdgahfjd 

PLUS Hyunsuk looked so happy and i know that happiness was directed at Seunghun too, but Yoshinori was also on his team which probs made him feel so much happier !! 

****** Another side note: Seunghun is LITERALLY SO UNLUCKY & HAS IT SO BAD ... like first, he lost against Mashiho when he was chosen by the 100 treasure makers (mashi was chosen by yg). then he won against yoonbin and yeongue, but was called out by everyone by being a popularity contest (which no one is complaining about now even tho these performances were all chosen by the fans ahah funny weird lmao ahah more sarcasm) + YG didnt even compliment him and/or Byounggon ?? :///  

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT, he gets chosen to be in the Treasure 5, which i was initially SO excited for, but then D&D wins over the Treasures, leaving seunghun to be eliminated...he can never truly win ... + the only time he got complimented was right before he was eliminated, so waht the fuck...

we really though yedam was the protagonist of this show but UHH we thought wrong: it’s Seunghun !! :)))

also my inbox is open to im open to debating/talking/crying/screaming over all of this dksflhdsgkjhasf also fangirl/boying is allowed :^) especially about jihoon 

[sierrabinondo]

summer tour 2018 - days 1 - 4

welp tumblr i am back again with a new tour recap!!! people liked this last time so here i am i guess

this tour recap is mostly for my own reasons. there’s something different about documenting something life-changing and important to yourself on a social media site you’ll probably be subject to visiting again without trying, as opposed to writing it by hand which hurts after a while or in a word document that you’ll never open.

my band with sails ahead just embarked on our longest tour ever. 11 shows, no off days. we somehow still got sleep, ate well (and went broke for it), and didn’t get sick. it wasn’t perfect every night, but it was still rewarding even in the smallest possible ways. 

i decided to recap this across several posts as an easier way to read everything instead of one long one that would serve as a painful, arduous read. so here are days 1-4.

day 1 - asbury

our tour kicked off in asbury, so we were home for our first day. it was sort of difficult to get in the mindset for tour but once destination dimension arrived i was good.  

in asbury i always passed this storage trailer-looking building with palm trees all around it. it turns out it’s called outpost city, and it’s an oasis for touring musicians to come hang out while on the road. it’s invite-only (i think?? PLEASE check me), and we were contacted a week before tour started to go check it out. i already promised work i was going to work a full day my last day but hooooly we could not turn this down. this place had a lounge area, a small demo studio, free wifi, and a general store with product placed in there by brands that you could grab FOR FREE. as long as we tagged the brands on all of our social media the stuff was ours. we spent a few hours there before the brewery show and it was really fun. i had to do work the whole time as a result of leaving work early haha, but i still enjoyed it a lot.

Photo: Julie Yi Photography

the brewery show was awesome. i didn’t play the greatest set so i was super bummed haha, at least i don’t think, but we had a great turnout. the line-up was awesome and we got to see a lot of friends.  sound was amazing and as always the brewery is just the coolest venue.  really grateful we could finally play here. i was so glad people showed up early to see destination dimension so that they at least had a crowd. a lot of my friends cared about making it in time for them which was nice of them. it was incredibly weird to have ryan watch us while another drummer was playing with us, we all felt so bad. we were so distraught leading up to this tour about him not joining us due to his carpal tunnel, but we had no choice. our friend and fill-in drummer matt shindle killed it and the show made us excited for the rest of the run. i think i said a cool and inspiring thing that made everyone yell very excitedly but then i followed it up with some lame shit so it ruined the moment lmao. 

Photo: Julie Yi Photography

i returned back to my house in brick with destination dimension and jeremiah came with so that we had one more night together before i left. i was feeling a little better about leaving but i wouldn’t actually be excited until we were finally in the van. 

day 2 - falls church, va

after waking up mad early on like 5 hours of sleep only, i got ready to leave as julie was dropped off at my house to drive up to bandago together. i cried as jeremiah said goodbye to me because i’m a big dumb baby and never ever spend time apart from him haha.

the drive to virginia took forever. i was so exhausted but for some reason it was impossible to sleep in the van. and then i led us to the wrong holiday inn; our actual hotel was so far that we just had to check in late and go straight to the show. the vfw was actually a pretty cool spot. it was nice to be in falls church again; the last time i was there was when i was a kid and my aunt and uncle lived in an apartment way before they had my cousins. 

Photo: Julie Yi Photography - us with pulses, destination dimension and a couple members of timberbrooke!

turnout wasn’t huge at all (a pattern that would repeat itself lmao) but all of the bands were super nice. of course, we were extremely stoked to play with pulses. i felt bad because i kept screwing up faces, names and bands at first but it ended up being fine.  our friends said i played more confidently this show than the night before but it didn't feel like that. i felt like i sounded like shit and i looked like an idiot lmao. on stage, there’s actually a million things going through my head while i'm singing. i almost wanted to throw the microphone at one point but can’t do that!!! i also apparently sounded better but i still have issues believing people when they say i sang well, because people lie to other musicians all the time and tell them they're great just to be polite. i warm up before every show and do diaphragm exercises but if my throat fucking feels like shit from my allergies and tight and dry there's nothing i can do. the humidifier doesn't help. there's not a day where i don't practice. i wish my body wasn't so unforgiving haha.

well the korean BBQ spot next door was cool lmao and there was a dog at the show. our hotel room was nice but the furniture was so oddly arranged. it was difficult to make room for the air mattresses but we made it work. i shouldn’t talk though because hotel rooms on tour are a luxury haha.

day 3 - greensboro, nc

the drive to greensboro was just a little stressful because of the torrential downpour, and a car accident happened right in front of us at one point lmao. but mostly, the drive was so serene and beautiful. we drove through the blue ridge mountains and listened to the new anthony green album. this is what i love about touring, getting to see these beautiful sights. i think i almost cried hahaha.

we arrived to greensboro and the block we were on for the gig had some sick spots. we got vegetarian food at this place called boba house. the food was incredible. and then the venue, new york pizza, had $3 craft beer!!! insane. i didn't drink the last tour and i said i wouldn't this time but i remembered we were going to be in a position to try some region-specific foods and beers, so i let myself have a sunshine gose from birdsong brewery after our set. it was soooo good. yeah funny thing was, i actually drank A LOT this tour. last tour i was super sheepish about it, but this time i was going to be in too many new places to not try local beers. it didn’t affect me as much as i thought it would but i believe it still did to *some*extent. i also couldn't resist the touch tunes juke box and helped myself to playing santana again like the last tour hahaha.

the turnout was decent but everyone the headlining band brought (and the band themselves) stood outside for every band. at one point joe went outside as we were about to go on and yelled at everyone saying “hey guys we drove a long way to play the show come inside” i was mortified lmao. sadly, you cannot make people care about you, they have to show interest on their own. BUT, obviously he was saying what we were all thinking. listening to a band play from outside the venue does not always mean you are paying attention to the bands. they didn't even come inside for one single song for any band. if you can’t make the people you bring stay for the bands, fine, but why play the show at all if you don’t care about the touring bands? 

Photo: Julie Yi Photography

chris, the vocalist of destination dimension, was a huge huge help to me on tour. he gave me really great honest criticism and it helped me work on some bad habits i have while performing. i know i’m a big baby and all but i can take critique and i wish more of my musician friends were more honest with me. it shows they care because they don’t let me blindly wander around just repeating the same awful habits. for the first time i also wore both earplugs in while singing but it only lasted two songs. i know it’s foolish to not wear them, but i cannot stand how i sound with earplugs in, it fucks me up just as bad. i used to use earasers but i was sick of pissing away $40 everytime i lost them. and i'm not capable of not misplacing something, i know i'll lose them again. i wasn’t too happy with my performance this show either but the people watching us were cool and attentive. wes was so kind to hook the show up for us, and we loved the dudes in impersona. really fantastic band.

later that night shindle realized he left his laptop charger at the venue. we were using his laptop for interludes and his click tracks. it was too late to go back so we decided we’d go back in the morning before leaving to go back to charleston. but sadly the venue didn’t have it and we absolutely had to move on to the next city. i felt so bad. however we were able to make our tracks still work on my personal laptop that i brought. 

day 4 - charleston, sc

charleston was a little rough lmao, but still fun. as always we arrived just in time to check in to our hotel, get food and pull up to the venue for load in. we stayed at a holiday inn, and we were hoping since it was a hotel that the room would be nice and big but it wasn't. the beds were huge though. after checking in we noted that a counter service-type grits restaurant was across the parking lot. i was going to try to only buy one meal per show day but it looked like the next day i'd be buying grits for breakfast haha.

it was an insanely hot day. in fact, the hottest day on tour. it was bad. it was at least 90 degrees or more out especially with the humidity but whatever, we were heading to the venue soon so we would hopefully find relief there. something i was ABSOLUTELY adamant about was that we ate cookout. for anyone who doesn't know, cookout is a chain based in the south that serves southern food and super cheap, filling meals. you can get a “tray” which is like one main meat or dish, two sides and a drink for $5.29. the tour package met there to eat before load in. stopping made us late, but there was no way in hell we weren't going and i was making sure of that lmao. and it was worth being a lil late i think, i think everyone liked it. santino bought twice the amount of the tray he ordered hahaha.

so we finally get to the venue, which is tua lingua - and

there's no

air

conditioning

we had zero idea this place had no central air. i had no idea the place didn't have it!!! but otherwise the venue was a very sick spot. like out of the blue in cambridge (rip), but much much bigger. they had numerous amazing art pieces, a dark room and an interactive bubble exhibit. the staff was very nice. we did our best to play the best set we could with the heat. at certain points it was even cooler outside the building because the hot air just wasn’t moving out. we almost cut our set short out of fear of not being able to handle the heat but we made it through. we also had to play without our tracks but that was fine. a couple people named jesse and fianna came to the show because they heard about it from the hemisphere facebook group!! so awesome. zacoma also made us a custom copy of their CD based off our tour marketing it was so fucking sweet of them!! i don’t have the photo of it otherwise i would have shared it but when i get it i’ll post it. them and hollow notes made the show a great one, i highly recommend both bands. i bet tua lingua is sooo sick to play in cooler weather just not in the summer haha.

photo credit: julie yi photography LOOK AT HOW SWEATY I AM. 

because the show ended massively early (THE DREAM), i suggested going to the charleston waterfront since we had time to explore! santino was wary because the poor guy was starving, but he agreed to spending 30 minutes of walking around. so the tour package drove out to the waterfront/rainbow row and we walked around for a while. it was sooooo beautiful out, i was so happy to see the town again. a guy jumped in the pineapple fountain as we were dipping our feet in to dig for change and he was in there for an hour HAHA. we also ended up staying an hour because we were having so much fun. there was another fountain nearby you could actually walk through. maybe it wasn't actually allowed but there were no signs so whoops!! we went from just sticking our hands in the jets to santino and jaime sticking their whole fucking heads in i was screaming laughing hahaha. it was a very happy and pure moment.

on this tour i learned a lot of new things about santino, one of which is that he apparently really likes milk LMFAO. and we had to like run around to try to find somewhere open that would have milk and cookies but everyone settled for taco bell. we went back to the hotel to watch aggretsuko but netflix kept glitching and the screen would black out whenever subs were on the screen i was so pissed. but we enjoyed a very wonderful night of going to bed early.

[rachelkulagodfrey-blog]

A [MUSIC] Review: My 10+1 Favorite Live Acts From the Last Six Months

Originally posted on January 17, 2019.

Some people procrastinate by online shopping, cleaning, or watching the first season of a Netflix show that truly isn’t worth it (Judd Apatow’s Love stole my time and I want it back).

Others make an Instagram post about how they “just can’t focus :/”, masturbate to a point where it’s almost violent, or complete every single task except for the most pressing one at hand.

I am all of these people. Baked to perfection.

As appealing as all of these options are, my favorite way to procrastinate is watching live musical performances. If I said this was my number one choice because I really love to see what each and every artist can do on their feet, I would be LYING; it’s because I’m broke. Imagining I’m in the actual audience sounds like a cute and affordable outing to me.

I was originally going to write a late post about my ten favorite live musical acts of 2018, but then The Holy Trinity™ a.k.a The Goat Trio (Noname, Smino, and Saba) decided to perform on The Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon and fuck up my whole plan.

Fucked up my whole plan, but made my whole life.

Here are the 10+1 live acts that have rustled my big and bright feathers in the last 184 days, ordered by upload date:

1. Mac Miller: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

August 6, 2018

I was tabling at my school’s Student Activities Fair when one of my best friends approached me looking like tears were seconds from falling down her cheeks and flooding the fucking campus. Her “I have to tell you something” was followed by what most onlookers would probably describe as an unnecessarily loud processing of the Five Ws and One H of Malcolm McCormick’s death. It probably looked overdramatic, but it honestly didn’t feel that way.

Mac’s placement in my mind shifted in tandem with his style. In his “Knock, Knock” days, he was the weird white kid who Wiz Khalifa seemed to have taken under his wing. I started high school a week or two before “Smile Back” was released. And I was in attack mode after a girl had used up MY oxygen to talk about me not being a “real” Black girl. While 14-year-old-me did put a hex on her soon after, Mac’s anthem of the opposition not being worth my stress set my mind right. Did not reverse the hex, though. Sorry, sis.

His eventual Earl Sweatshirt, Ab-Soul, and Anderson .Paak collaborations reframed the way I thought of him as a creative. I realized how open he was, and how honored he was to share space and thought with a wide range of musical talents. You can hear it in the production of the songs. His NPR Tiny Desk was an elevation of this. His energy was right. Thundercat on bass was right. Watching this performance made me want to bop the shit out of my head but also call all my old niggas and let them know I was suing them for stealing energy I could have put toward studying a cool cat’s artistry. So much love to Mr. Malcolm.

Favorite Moment(s): When Mac laughs at Thundercat’s abrupt tone change during “What’s the Use?” @ 9:10.

2. Rex Orange County performing “Sunflower” live on KCRW

August 14, 2018

I know I’ll get heat for this. But Alex O’ Connor is worth the slack.

In this performance, Rex Orange County looks and sounds like the place where lo-fi, Big Mouth, and driven-over lilacs meet. Doesn’t seem like the most appealing thing that could come out of your speakers, but it’s honestly just one really sweet surprise. And romance may be a capitalist sham, but all I can say is ShamWow! After finding out that he wrote “Sunflower” for his girlfriend of 3+ years, the bridge started to make me feel like someone slipped me a “Would You Date Me?” note in detention. Uncomfortable, but definitely entertained.

Favorite Moment(s): The aforementioned bridge @ 3:02.

3. serpentwithfeet – mourning song (Live on KEXP)

September 11, 2018

Josiah Wise, better known as serpentwithfeet, is one of the greatest storytellers I have ever witnessed. His entire KEXP performance is worth watching to see an immersive experiment in chaos and control using lighting, backtracks, and his voice. Confidence is not something we often associate with grief. In this performance of “mourning song”, he lists all the ways he will allow himself to think and feel through the end of an intimate relationship. Every time I listen to this song, I feel like he actually rips the voices from my head that tell me I am a burden, or that I must hide any part of myself.

I’m not really a church-going girl anymore so I won’t say watching this took me there. But it definitely took me to the Pokémon Center. HP on 255, bitch.

Favorite Moment(s): When he plays around with distance from the mic @ 2:30.

4. 070 Shake – I Laugh When I’m Friends But Sad When I’m Alone

September 14, 2018

My dearest New Jersey babe. The shining star of the 070 Crew, Danielle Balbuena, used to be at the top of my “Anal Sounds Great!” list after the 2016 “Bass for my Thoughts” release. Trevante Rhodes has since stolen her spot.

Shake takes her time with COLORS to sing about her unadulterated thoughts about the negatives that come along with fame, as well as how the perceived positive of always being around people can be suffocating. No matter what life decisions we try to make, no matter what our intentions, we’ll always be criticized. 9/10 times the criticism will come from people who are too scared to live out their own dreams and have decided to try and put their hooks into the dreams of others. I love this performance because she manages to make the sentiment hit relying primarily on her flow, with the beat not coming in until more than halfway through the video.

Favorite Moment(s): The belting at the end. She sounds like Roy Woods and it makes me want a collab.

5. Noname Performs A Three-Song Medley From Her Album ‘Room 25’

October 18, 2018

I am a walking Noname stan account.

I saw her perform during my sophomore year of college, soon after Telefone‘s release. I had never felt so represented in my existential absurdity. She was as wishful as she was uncertain; the last time I had felt that seen was when I heard Paramore’s “For A Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic” for the first time. But you know angsty white people are always doing something, so it didn’t really click the same. I sobbed in the first row while Noname rapped about the effects poverty has on the Black imagination, battling with addiction, and finding the will to fight our own apathy.

In this performance, she gifts us with a three-song medley, featuring “Blaxploitation”, “Prayer Song”, and “Don’t Forget About Me”, three singles from Room 25. Together, the musical collage tells a story about trying to create in a culture that values what we make more than our livelihood.

Favorite Moment(s): The GIGGLE when the music ends before she does.

6. dvsn: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

November 28, 2018

Roy Woods and Majid Jordan were my favorite OVO acts for the longest time. I had heard of dvsn and didn’t really care for the duo at first. I didn’t even know they were a duo until like a week ago.

One night I was at a party that I didn’t want to be at, and I really wasn’t feeling the music. While I waited to sober up so I could walk home, I put on my headphones and started playing my own music. When the beat in “Mood” dropped and Daniel Daley’s vocals came in, I knew it was the beginning of a spiral into a rabbit hole full of fuck nigga energy… Energy to which I am apparently still very open. In this performance, Daley’s falsetto as he sings about not wanting to pull out of his partner is literally the most disarming sound I’ve ever heard. It’s what I imagine the Sirens in the Odyssey sounded like. I’m 100% certain that behind the sunglasses, his eyes are pitch black. Because Satan.

Favorite Moment(s): 6:13 – 6:35. Mother of God.

7. Rapsody, “Sassy” Night Owl | NPR Music

December 4, 2018

RAPSODY IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED LYRICISTS OF ALL TIME AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL JUSTICE IS SERVED.

Like… I’ll sleep and all that. But I will be dissatisfied. Known for her home-hitting lyrical additions – Kendrick Lamar’s “Complexion (A Zulu Love) and Anderson .Paak’s “Without You” – Marlanna Evans deserves so much more for the brilliance that went into Laila’s Wisdom. When she was nominated for 2018 Best Rap Album of the Year, she was the fifth female-identifying nominee in the 23-year history of the category. This performance of one of Laila’s singles, “Sassy”, makes me want to bounce through the streets in some high tops. It demonstrates her ability to give us all profound lyrics and pop-off sounds.

Favorite Moment(s): Her dance break @ 2:45.

8. H.E.R.: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

December 13, 2018

H.E.R. had already appeared on NPR Tiny Desk before this performance, but five minutes of listening to her voice were simply not enough. Whenever I listen to one of her songs, I have to listen to two or three more. The cool thing is that she’s not using subliminal messaging! It’s literally just carefully-honed skill and talent! These niggas can’t even spell talent!

The transitions in this video are wild. Seeing how many times Gabi Wilson switches the instrument she’s playing is honestly just really fun. “Focus” is my favorite H.E.R. song, and this performance takes it up three whole notches. Considering the fact that she’s an actual child prodigy, I cannot help but smile seeing her get the shine she deserves; hearing people refer to her as “the girl who covered the Drake song” really made me as upset as the people who fight in the comments under Lebron highlight reels seem to be.

Favorite Moment(s): The back-and-forth between H.E.R. and the two amazing background vocalists @ 16:28.

9. JPEGMAFIA – Thug Tears | A COLORS SHOW

December 14, 2018

I really cannot tell if Barrington Hendricks/JPEGMAFIA/Peggy is the kind of person who hates astrology and everyone who mentions it, or if he consults his Co-Star chart every morning. Regardless, as the sole member of the non-Scorpio Scorpio Fan Club, I love this Scorpio king.

One second into his COLORS episode, I thought my speakers were fucking broken. Twenty seconds in, I thought I was having a stroke. I eventually realized that I was not being Punk’d by the peculiar nigga on my screen, and decided to go back to the beginning and try this shit again.

I became so infatuated with JPEGMAFIA after watching this performance. This may mean that I need to call my therapist soon, but I would argue that my interest stems from the healing power I feel is available in his artistry. While different from serpentwiththefeet’s “vibe”, Peggy presents us with a similar sentiment: being unafraid to display your emotions, whether it be grief or anger, in ways that are not respectable or palatable can shake up a nigga’s psyche. Lord knows this shit had me shook all the way the fuck up.

Favorite Moment(s): He starts off stretching. Definitely didn’t realize how necessary it was going to be.

10. KOFFEE – TOAST (LIVE FROM KGN)

December 23, 2018

I first listened to Koffee when she performed with Chronixx on the Real Rock Riddim. This past November, the 18-year-old released the inspirational fucking BOP, “Toast”. In the song, she speaks to her performances with Chronixx and other key moments in her musical journey as well as the bright future she sees ahead. The song itself has been at the top of my morning playlist; you already KNOW I love to bust an early whine while I brush my teeth. But this performance… it’s magic. You can barely hear Koffee herself with the audience screaming all the words back at her, letting her know they’ve got her back. And with a big ass smile full of braces, you can tell she’s feeling all the love they’ve got to give. Everyone, myself included, is ready for Koffee to rise to the top.

Favorite Moment(s): Her disbelief at the room’s energy at the beginning, and when she brings on the girls to help her sing @ 1:30.

10+1. Noname ft. Smino and Saba: Ace

January 8, 2018

One day, I’ll share the story of how Noname was an instrumental part in my sexual “becoming”. It’s the same story that I shared with her after the aforementioned concert (still so sorry about that, yikes). Until then:

I screamed when I found out this performance was happening. I don’t even think I can put into words how Noname, Smino, and Saba’s performance of “Ace” changed my whole attitude. For the last eight days, my sense of clarity has been… well, CLEAR! I realized how much my hair had grown. I finished grant and job applications. I’ve received great personal news and old, important friendships are being rekindled. They have too much power. I’m tweaking.

All I have to say is that this video ran me a bath, put a glass of wine in my hand, and made me dinner. Enjoy.

Favorite Moment(s): I. Cannot. Choose. (But wow. The way they look at Saba @ 1:56. I’m emotional.)

[houstonlocalus-blog]

In Review: Bedouine, Ohmme, Shabazz Palaces and more

James Elkington. Photo courtesy of Timothy Harris

  JAMES ELKINGTON: Wintres Woma

A resumé is a document of qualification, and James Elkington has quite a superb resumé. The British guitarist and vocalist has played with Steve Gunn extensively and has lent guitar to everyone from Jeff Tweedy to Tara Jane O’Neil. And last year, as Jeff Parker had to sit out some shows, Elkington even filled in as a member of Tortoise. It’s also worth mentioning the criminally overlooked album Ambsace  that he collaborated on with the equally fantastic Nathan Salsburg. I say all of this as an unnecessary selling point to Elkington’s solo debut album, Wintres Woma, a collection of mainly acoustic gems that is as musically magical as it is at times slightly humorous. One advantage of playing with others is understanding how to accent a preexisting base. And by coloring within established lines, Elkington helps to define and detail his compositions, and this is a strength of his playing. Even with the use of one guitar, the songs sound fleshed out and full. His track,“Make It Up,” has a percussive base without actual percussion, and it moves along with a pace and rhythm that reveals Elkington’s prowess. A similar effect is used on “Greatness Yet To Come.” Even flourishes of pedal steel, cello, or viola present themselves only as falling leaves or slight hues next to the plenitude of Elkington’s sound. There is also a keen understanding of tone and celerity on this album. Additionally, there are some pretty magical moments in the tracks “Sister Of Mine” and “Grief Is Not Coming,” sentimental ballads that are more about beauty than dexterity. The lyrics of the songs in this album are chock-full of observational humor and understated elegance. It’s a wonderful album, absolutely fucking wonderful.

  Bedouine. Photo courtesy of Bedouine

  BEDOUINE: s/t

There are times when music is massively human and moving in a altruistic way. Syrian-born, LA-based artist Bedouine has a new self-titled album that accomplishes that feat by creating and emoting beauty and presence in a simple, understated way. Take, for instance, “Nice and Quiet,” a song of exiting a relationship. “I’ve tried so hard to be there for you, It seems that may mean disappearing for you,” read the lyrics of the song. Or consider the equally resplendent “Back To You,” a song of love within the bombast of the everyday. “They talk in exclamation marks, I’m still dying to know what’s so exciting,” go the lyrics of that song. It’s about the feeling of disconnect with your surroundings while relying on the connection with another. “Can lives so designed be sustained?” asks Bedouin. Wrapped in Van Morrison/Dusty Springfield soul, with tinges of jazz and country, these songs are tunes of quiet afternoons and mystic nights. Bedouine’s voice is calm and assuring, easing you into each tune. The brilliant “Solitary Daughter” extolls the joys of alone time, of the world of the mind and peace. “I don’t need your company to feel saved…Leave me alone to the charcoal and the dancing shadow,” read the lyrics to that one. And then there’s “Summer Cold,” that in spite of its tranquility still protests “I’ve had enough of your guns and ammunition.” This album is excellent in that it fits that part of life that is needed to makes sense of the world. It cannot be all extreme (sadness, anger, or joy), and it is not all running. Sometimes there is a stroll that is needed, and sometimes there is a need to take it in and consider it more instead of always acting and responding. These are songs for thinking, songs that provide space for thought. “Never thought I’d see the day that I would be at ease to say that everything around me is exactly as it should be,” muses Bedouine in one of the songs.

  The Peacers. Photo courtesy of the band. 

  THE PEACERS: Introducing The Crimsmen

The Peacers are purveyors of rock n’ roll, the particular class of rock n’ roll that is made in bedrooms and garages and in the minds of those who see song and form as instrumental to the magic of rock n’ roll. I stress rock n’ roll to suggest tradition because The Peacers cover ground from Big Star to The Beatles, and from Pussy Galore to Cream, on their new album Introducing the Crimsmen. It is rock, but haunted by the ghosts in the room. The track “Hoz” floats into the room and shakes the curtains, flicks some lights off, and on and disappears. It is strange but also grooving. The Peacers embody the implied line between the present and the otherworldly, and their track “ Child Of The Season” is reverbed balladry, sweet and blues and mystical. “D.T.M.T.Y.C.Y.M” is pure, it is the Lennon/McCartney (more Lennon), and as soon as it grasps you, it lets you go. It’s is a tease and you leave titillated. Meanwhile the track “Aboriginal Flow” is skronk and T. Rex, it is a trashcan fire outside of the blues club. The Peacers are rock n’ roll illustriousness. We make so much of things, but magic is always magic — abracadabra motherfuckers.

  Ohmme. Photo by Sarah Hess

  OHMME- s/t

Sima Cunningham and Macie Stewart comprise the duo of Ohmme. Influenced by avant-garde rock and the improvisational music scene of Chicago, Ohmme works on many levels. And the songs on the self-titled album use space, rhythm and contrast to create a feeling of depth, which is what most great songs do. A great album is atmosphere, it is feeling transported, taken to a place with the lyrics sort of guiding that journey. And Ohmme does just that on this EP. “Woman,” the first song on the EP, is a perfect example of this and of the band’s aesthetic of patience and expansion, fuse and explosion. The track “Fingerprints” shares this magic. “Ithaca,” another stellar track on the album, has a similar simmering quality. It burns and spreads. The songs have lives and are at once still and quiescent before another wave comes in. It’s similar to how “Furniture” lulls you in and then attacks. This album is all about excitement. It is all sparks and flashes of light, all rumble and rustle, suspense and anticipation. I feel it all.

  MICHAEL NAU: Some Twist

As someone unfamiliar with Michael Nau, the opening track “Good Thing”ushers me into the magic. It’s a tune of appreciation, of recognizing that which shines in the darkness. Life is imperfect, but I have a “good thing going on.” Some Twist, Nau’s latest, is the kind of album that espouses an understated wisdom. The song “Wonder” is like opening a curtain to a beautiful day, a love song that talks of all the things one can see in the world. There is all of this, and there is also you. Maybe I’m trying to be distracted from you, or I am distracted by you. Nau does this splendidly. It could miss you, but the more times you hear it, the more bewitching it becomes. A mellifluous affair, it perfectly compliments a woozy evening. And “Scatter” is like a Shuggie Otis movement. It’s a slow jam with neon glow. The real star is Nau’s tone; his singing voice is always a sugar sprinkle or a honey glaze, and it continually rewards because it is so comforting and effortless. You sort of float away within it. Soul music penetrates, it’s goes beyond the surface, and his is an album that a day or year removed results in      another angle. It is perpetually good. There is always another color, there is always a gem to discover. Get on the boat and sail this into the horizon.

                                             Katie Von Schleicher. Photo by Bao Ngo

  KATIE VON SCHLEICHER: Shitty Hits

The album Shitty Hits has many connotations in relation to Katie Von Schleicher’s first real album, Bleakspoitation,   which was a beast. First of all, the quality of the 4-track recording, with its limitations and adaptations of sound technology, can be said to sound shitty. But it’s not shitty in the way of bad music, just in quality. So there is that. There is also the idea of feeling shitty, and songs like “Midsummer,” “Paranoia,” and “Life’s A Lie” lend themselves to the notion of feeling a bit, well, shitty. Now let’s add the second word, “shits.” What is a hit song? Theoretically it’s a song that works and that sounds good. And while there is subjectivity to taste in the process of successfully writing and recording a song, the completion itself, when done right, sometimes equals a hit. So there you have it, in a way, and with that out of the way, my opinion is that this album is fantastic. Imagine Wings using a 4-track, or great Syd Barret, or a weirder Linda Rondstat. “Soon,” a killer track form the album is a beautiful ballad, and “Isolator” also moves me in a major way. Beatle-esque is an adjective here that fits nicely. I am all about the majesty of this album. This shit is phenomenal!

  SHABAZZ PALACES: Quazarz vs. The Jealous Machines / Quazarz: Born On A Gangster Star

The double album is sometimes one of the most ambitious — some might say even indulgent — features of recorded music. Problem is, very few artists can really fulfill the commitment of making one great album, not to mention two. But Shabazz Palaces has never been associated with giving a fuck, so I will respect the sentiment. Quazarz vs. The Jealous Machines is the album that originally was going to be the only one. A concept of the alien Quazarz and his arrival and adventures in “Amurdica,” the album is a treatise on the representation of technology in our world and how that affects us culturally (love, attention, the isms), like in the track “Gorgeous Sleeper Cell.” “Effeminence,” another track on the album is like a slow jam sung by an alien, but it’s still romantic. The track “Julien’s Dream (ode to a bad)” is also of this motion. Meanwhile, “30 Clip  Extension” is all hip-hop in the time of whatever we call this Musically it is the Sun Ra hop that Shabazz Palaces rock so well. It’s a trippy record if you will. Meanwhile, Quazarz: Born on a Gangster Star is a bit like a more song-structured album, to use the term loosely. And “Eel Dreams” is like Arabian Prince, and then it turns into a kind of smoothed out jazz thing, but rapping.

“Fine Ass Hairdresser” should beat down the block, and “Moon Whip Quaz” is sort of like Parliament Kraftwerk (the tune of “The Model” is sort of embedded here). Whether or not you get one one of these albums, you will eventually get both because the exposure to one will spark curiosity in the other.

  DASHER: Sodium

Dasher is mainly the brainchild of drummer Kylee Kimbrough. A mixture of punk spirit, metal squall, and pure energy, these songs embody lightning and fire. The opener “We Know So” is the proverbial brick through the window. Meanwhile “Soviet” is the accompanying smokebomb. “Teeth” is a slower affair, crisp guitar and dark cloud, psychedelic but dangerous, a beast rising from the ocean. Kimbrough has mentioned an inability to keep a job or residence and the frustration of seeing something that others can do easily coming so difficult to her (something she attributes to a recent discovery of autism). The tension is apparent in the songs, and the album speaks to that sort of fight between the world in your mind and “proper” world. These songs are full-on assault weapons drawn. This is gut, blood drawn from the vein. Let’s burn this motherfucker down.

In Review: Bedouine, Ohmme, Shabazz Palaces and more this is a repost