#and nobody notices him until literally right before the endgame

[anthurak]

To any Mass Effect players who have also seen the second/good Suicide Squad movie, consider:

That Volus pizza delivery guy in the Citadel DLC should absolutely have been Team Shepard’s Milton XD

[free-pool-trash]

happiness - peter maximoff

yay a new peter fic <3 i was feeling a little unmotivated for a few days (since our boy wasn’t in episode 8 at all :/) but im back 😎 although im back in school so i might be on and off for a while 😩✋🏻

!!!it’s not a songfic those lyrics at the start are just my inspo!!!

word count: 5k <3 😳

warnings: maybe swearing but i dont think so i cant remember, peter being sad, angst, but mostly fluff, WandaVision spoilers maybe??? I pretty much made up this plot so idk, endgame spoilers, reader was an avenger, kissing but it’s not graphic😽 probably some mistakes yk how it is

feedback is appreciated <3

tagging: @enchantedcruelsummer (should i make a peter maximoff taglist? let me know and I’ll do it)

masterlist

haunted by the look in my eyes that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

leave it all behind

& there is happiness

Loneliness had always been something that plagued him. That and a plethora of other negative emotions.

There wasn’t a day that went by where Peter Maximoff wasn’t made to feel like a loser. Admittedly, he’d never held himself to a high standard, he grew up thinking that he’d never fit in anywhere and eventually that thought mutated into a lifestyle as he began isolating himself from the world around him, either far too good or heartbreakingly not enough to be a part of that crowd.

He liked spending time with himself. Nobody else knew him the way he knew him, and still, he found nothing but an overwhelming hollow space where his deepest most important hopes, aspirations, dreams and self discoveries should have resided.

Peter had always put this feeling of exile down to the fact that he was a mutant, it was the most likely explanation, right?

It was only when he’d decided to join the X-Men that he finally came to the conclusion that maybe the rest of the world wasn’t the problem, nor was his mutation the problem, but that he himself was the problem. For even in a school full of people exactly like him he was still the same loser that he was in his mother’s basement.

And he was under no illusions that that was exactly what his teammates saw in him; nothing. No potential. Just a space holder to bring the numbers up.

Super speed was incredible. That’s how Peter acknowledged jobs well done, he praised his speed but never himself. He just saved Charles and Erik from a room full of armed guards? No that wasn’t him, that was simply his speed. He saved an entire mansion full of people from a potentially fatal explosion? Nothing special, Kurt probably could’ve done the same.

Forget all of the good deeds and saved lives because the bottom line of it all, to him at least, was that all he was good for was cheeky one liners and hopeless kleptomania.

His life took a turn for the worse when he found himself being mind controlled in an alternate universe. And even then, he was playing the part of someone that wasn’t him, the thought humbled him, reconnected him to his roots and reintroduced him to his life long philosophy that he’d never be anything more than a social pariah. Not even an alternate reality could accept him for who he was. There wasn’t a warm welcome and despite not knowing what was going on, the definition of “imposter” or the weirder, “recast”, still shot to kill.

He settled on the notion that he was an inter dimensional waste of space. At least in WestView he could be blissfully ignorant, let the real him be drowned mercilessly in favour of being an integral part of someone’s life- to feel important, even if it wasn’t real.

When WestView fell apart he was completely lost. In every sense of the word. In a new world with no way home and as it turned out, nobody was looking for him. Although he didn’t expect anyone to care, it still stung that nobody did. He always hoped that one day Erik would step up as a father figure for him, this; getting kidnapped and smuggled into a different dimension, seemed like the perfect moment for that epic father son moment, but it wouldn’t surprise Peter if his father has yet to notice his disappearance.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he came into contact with a beacon of hope. A guiding star that might possibly lead him to an existence consisting of something other than misery and self loathing.

It offered him a choice; return to being the self proclaimed loser he was known as or start fresh as someone new and mysterious, with first impressions yet to be made and conclusions about him yet to be drawn. Peter had known himself to be rash in the past, when it came to making decisions he had the tendency to act impulsively, never putting too much thought into how his decisions would affect his life in the long term. The choice before him now is no different, he knew exactly what he wanted going forward, however selfish the choice may have been, the second he realised it was an option his heart was set on it.

That previously mentioned beacon of hope arrived to him in the form of a girl, in the form of you. An ex-avenger and close friend of Wanda’s, you were hired by S.W.O.R.D to help them clean up the more ‘sensitive’ fallout that the fall of WestView brought about. Obviously, they were sticking you- the only other avenger with magik- on babysitting and rehabilitation rather than letting you go after your best friend who had gone completely off the rails. Having said that though, you didn’t want anyone else handling him.

You hadn’t watched WandaVision, nor were you even aware that any of it was going on until it had reached a boiling point and you got a call from Monica Rambeau, she’d begged you to come and wait on the edge of town while she went in and act as her eyes on the outside along with Jimmy Woo.

That’s where you stayed until the hex broke down.

As soon as the barrier came down the base you manned was overrun by an armada of terribly confused and distressed citizens, Monica and Wanda were not among them but in their places stumbled in Darcy and the man playing the role of Pietro.

Jimmy appointed himself to Darcy, who in all honesty seemed relatively unscathed by the situation while you made a beeline for the dirty blonde charading as your former, dead teammate.

Peter was, to put it simply, completely enthralled by you as soon as you’d strolled over to him and in the moment he’d put his almost magnetic attraction to you down to the fact that you were the first friendly face he’d seen upon breaking free of Agatha’s possession.

But one thing in particular struck him; you’d asked him his name. You hadn’t immediately assumed him to be some knock off Pietro, as everyone else had. You acknowledged that he had his own personal identity and despite how often he caught himself hating the person he was, he found that when it was torn away from him that he wanted it back. The simple question you posed gave him the opportunity to regain his identity.

“Peter. My name is Peter.” He answered you, almost unsure of himself and you found your interest in the man piqued even further.

He remembered with perfect clarity the way you’d offered him a grin, tilted your hand, extended your hand and said, “Well it’s nice to meet you, Peter. Come on, I’ll be your babysitter for the next while.” There was something about the way you’d laughed after saying the words and the slight, yet unmistakable, glint of mischief in your eyes that had him captivated from the get go.

With you came a whirlwind of new emotions. After only a few weeks of knowing you, Peter noticed he wasn’t as lonely as he had been back home. He didn’t hate himself half as much either, he wasn’t entirely free of self deprovative tendencies and maybe he never would be, but undoubtedly, he likes himself more in this world than he ever had in his last. He thanked you and your determination to make him “a functioning member of society” for that.

It didn’t feel belittling, the way you helped him. You hadn’t dragged him to your favourite mall every weekend just to taunt him about how he couldn’t stop himself from stealing something. Even the very first time, when he’d sped away from you and returned within a second adoring a pair of freshly stolen sunglasses. Your only reaction had been to laugh and casually place your hands on both sides of his face.

“At least remember to take the tag off next time, speedy.” You’d muttered, subtly pulling the tacky stickers off the arms of his shades. No, you weren’t dragging him sight seeing or forcing him to help you go clothes shopping because you thought he was a loser who needed reforming you were doing it because you were a true friend who wanted him to succeed.

The pair of you seemed like two peas in a pod. Which to be fair, you were. Peter Maximoff intrigued you in every sense of the word. He was new, quite literally other worldly, he was kind, he was funny, he was perfectly mischievous and completely wonderful.

What caught your eye the most was the way he held himself, as if he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin. It became apparent to you that he lacked confidence with the phrases he usually tacked onto the ends of his sentences. When you’d invite him to hang out in the beginning his response would always be something along the lines of, “Sure. If you want me to.” But the excitable puppy dog eyes told you that he was dying for someone to want him to tag along some place.

There was a certain understanding between you. You were both more than accustomed with the harrowing feeling of being alone and even though you’d never exactly voiced those thoughts with each other, you couldn’t deny that his was a spirit kindred to your own and he felt it too.

Since the Avengers has disbanded, one of your best friends, Natasha, was dead and your other best friend, Wanda, was gone completely off the rails and the people chasing her wouldn’t let you anywhere near her or even attempt to help pull her out of her darkness. You were being kept as a wildcard in case they needed her taken down. Peter was no stranger to the feeling of being cast aside and so he quickly responded to your frustrations, and in doing so, forced himself out of his comfort zone to be there for you. To his complete shock though, you’d been so appreciative of his efforts.

You never failed to thank him for the little things he did for you, always complimenting his mutation when he’d use it and giving him the recognition he never received at home. The friendship he formed with you was so… two sided, again, something he wasn’t accustomed to before. It didn’t involve him giving everything he had to offer and receiving nothing in return, you matched his energy meticulously and never left him hanging.

In a series of firsts, he didn’t wonder whether or not you genuinely liked him, never feeling the need or want to question it as you’d left him with no reason to doubt.

As he walked around the mall with you now, his mind brought his attention back to the question you’d asked him rather casually a few nights ago. You were both lounging on your couch, watching some ridiculous reality show (a favourite of yours and Peter’s) when you’d turned your head to look at him, a thoughtful look on your face. “Do you think when S.W.O.R.D figures the technology out to crack into other realities, you’ll go back to yours?”

The question had taken him aback for a second, in all honesty, he hadn’t thought about going home, not when he was with you at least and considering he’d become your roommate about three weeks after he got out of WestView, the thought of returning to his old life had barely crossed his mind.

Being an ex-Avenger you were fairly well off, you lived alone in a two bedroom apartment in New York that you’d bought to be closer to Stark tower. Peter had nowhere to go and aside from having a spare room to offer you’d also been sort of lost in the current of the busy city with everyone you once loved in the area either dead, on the run or busy elsewhere.

While the question hadn’t crossed Peter’s mind, it had crossed yours on several occasions. He’d been staying with you for six months and the moment you realised that he was becoming one of the most important people in your life, the thought of him leaving you too weighed on your mind but at the end of the day you wanted him to feel happy. He deserved to feel happy and if going back to his reality brought him that happiness then you’d support him.

“Dunno,” he’d replied, turning to face you, chucking a handful of popcorn at you when you looked incredulous at his response, “To be honest I haven’t really thought about it, m’way too busy babysitting you anyway.” He joked, effortlessly dodging the few pieces of popcorn you attempted to throw at him.

For the last few nights, the question haunted him, but it wasn’t just the question that was bothering him. You were at the forefront of his mind as he replayed the past six months of his life which also happened to be the best six months of his life. WestView put him through hell but coming out the other side of it and meeting you felt like heaven.

He weighed up the pros and cons of returning to his native timeline. The cons: he’d have to leave you behind, he’d go back to being the loser who nobody took seriously, his talents would be downplayed and disregarded and he’d inevitably end up revisiting his lifestyle of solitude. Then there was the pros: he’d get to reunite with his pac man machine. He couldn’t manage to think up anything else.

If he stayed he’d have everything he ever wanted and needed. You’d be there and he knew you always would be, besides he couldn’t leave you knowing that you needed him. If he left who would wake you up when you had night terrors about the catastrophe that your reality was still recovering from? There would be nobody there to comfort you when you woke up from the nightmares, reliving the deaths of Natasha, Tony or Vision and the experience of being snapped out of existence? If he wasn’t there to make you laugh when you were about to cry then who would be? In his heart of hearts he knew you had a huge support system at your disposal, he’d met most of them. Even though he was well aware that Sam visited you as often as he could, that Bucky wrote you letters on a monthly basis and sometimes tagged along with Sam on his visits, that Stephen Strange appeared in your apartment whenever the urge struck him, that the literal god of thunder invited you out for beer whenever he was visiting Earth, that the little spider-kid, also named Peter, swung by your apartment at least once a week to tell you all about school and his good deeds. Despite knowing all of this and knowing all of these people loved you dearly, Peter wanted to be your main source of support, he didn’t want to be someone who came and went, who’d love you then leave you. He wanted to be with you through anything and everything and the feeling that you’d love him for a lifetime had him satisfied with the decision he was about to make.

If leaving his old life meant he could stay here, with you, and experience happiness for more than a fleeting moment then he’d simply; leave it all behind.

“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me the other night.” He spoke through a mouthful of curly fries. You were sitting in the food court of the mall when he decided to let you in on his desire to stay with you indefinitely.

You raised your eyebrow, “You? Putting thought into an answer? Peter, I think I’m starting to become a bad influence on you.” You told him teasingly, taking a long sip of your drink as he rolled his eyes humorously.

“You’re a terrible influence which is exactly why I’ve decided to stay here and put you on the straight and narrow.” The glee you felt at his statement was undeniable, your eyes lit up and your lips curled upwards.

“You’re staying? Really staying?” Your smile was contagious, Peter’s face now painted with a wide grin as he nodded his head.

In a moment of weakness he frantically added, “Y’know only if you want me to though. If you don’t that’s completely cool.” He rushed through the words, feeling more embarrassed when the fond look on your face never faded.

“Of course I want you to stay. You mean a lot to me.” You reassured him, a gentle smile on your lips as you reached across the metal table, intertwining your fingers with his.

Peter squeezed your hand gratefully, holding it in his grasp securely and allowing his smile to return to his face, “I know. You mean a lot to me too.” It was somewhat of an understatement, he was starting to understand that you didn’t just mean a lot, but that you meant everything.

His resolution lifted a huge weight off your shoulders that you wouldn’t be losing yet another best friend. You were glad he’d be with you when everything blew over with Wanda, the two of them definitely had the potential to develop a beautiful sibling relationship and they both deserved that. Of course, Peter would never replace Pietro and having known them both it was obvious just how different the two men were, the only thing they had in common being their powers and last name. Still, he and Wanda would still be able to work on it. He didn’t hate her after WestView and you knew Wanda well enough to know that she was kind hearted and she’d be more than willing to give him a chance. When she eventually comes back to her senses, that it.

As the months went on, life with you and Peter seemed to only get better. You never stopped laughing, your nightmares died down and Peter had taken on a whole new lease of life. Yourself and Peter were the perfect example of meeting the right person at the right time, you balanced each other out and accentuated the other’s good qualities.

Peter could now say with complete confidence that he was happy and what’s more is that he was finally sure that he was making someone happy.

Up until nearly eleven months of living together your relationship had been purely platonic, save for the constant flirting but flirtation pretty much ran in yours and Peter’s blood. Peter wasn’t going to lie to himself, he’d fallen for you the second you’d peeled the security tags off his stolen sunglasses.

You, on the other hand, had been fighting with yourself because yes, you love Peter but you couldn’t have told him when there was the possibility he’d eventually leave and now so much time has passed and you’ve got such a good thing going you didn’t have it in you to ruin it.

However, all of that changed when your original Maximoff best friend came knocking on your door.

Wanda was on the run. She’d caused an amazing amount of chaos but Stephen Strange and S.W.O.R.D were hot on her trail and now she needed a place to lay low with the twins. She figured there was no place more reliable to go than to the always open arms of her best friend, who conveniently had a divinity for earth magik and could muster up a protective barrier without raising suspicions. And that’s exactly where she found herself; outside your door.

You’d been chasing Peter around the apartment when you heard the knock on the door. Peter was on the opposite end of the kitchen to you, using the bar as a shield from you. “You better get that.”

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” You glared as you spoke, it was his own fault really. What sort of idiot jumpscares a witch while she’s mid-meditation? He’d frightened you so badly you accidentally blasted a ball of your signature green energy and ruined your favourite couch throw pillow. When you were ready to pounce on the scared speedster the knocks sounded again, more frantic this time.

With one last glare towards Peter you stomped towards the door. Your anger melted away completely when you saw her. Her hood was up and she looked completely exhausted, two small hooded little boys by her side.

“Wanda…” You breathed out, relief flooding your system at the sight of her alive. She didn’t get a chance to speak before your arms were pulling her against you tightly, hugging her as if your life depended on it. Wanda returned in your embrace, allowing herself to relax for the first time in nearly a year, she sniffled against your shoulder, holding back tears as she realised how much she’d truly missed you.

Billy and Tommy watched in confusion as their mother cried into your shoulder. They didn’t know who you were, all their mother had told them was that they were going somewhere safe.

It was the yell of one of the boys that caused you and Wanda to separate, “Uncle P!” With that you felt a familiar rush of air across your leg but instead of Peter appearing one of the kids was gone.

You shared a perplexed look with Wanda, although your confusion was for different reasons.

“Hey hell raisers!” Peter responded, catching the mini speedster who all but threw himself at him barely regaining his balance before the other child had flung himself into the hug.

“Wanda? Those two… are they...?” You started, at a loss for words Wanda cut you off quietly, her tone as disbelieving as yours.

“My children? Yes. Is that…?” You nodded your head numbly, anticipating the end of her question.

“Your fake brother? Yeah.” Quickly, you realised you and a wanted woman catching up with the door wide open wasn’t ideal and you ushered Wanda inside, shutting the door when she walked in.

“Hey.” Peter greeted her simply, as if he hadn’t been used as a meat puppet in her altered reality. It wasn’t in his nature to hold any grudges.

“Hi?” Wanda replied, her voice still twinged with confusion.

“Peter, will you keep an eye on the kids for a bit? Wanda and I have some catching up to do.” You asked him with a nervous laugh, just thankful that Wanda was too tired to argue with your suggestion.

Peter ruffled the boys’ hair and gave you a grin, “Only if you stop trying to kill me.”

You rolled your eyes as you began to lead Wanda into your bedroom, “You’re on probation, jerk.” You called over your shoulder.

Once you were securely in your bedroom, the door locked and sitting comfortably you fixed Wanda with an amused look, “I’d ask you what’s new but I’m not sure I even wanna know.”

Wanda gave you a sad smile while she shook her head, “No, you probably don’t. I will tell you tomorrow, I don’t want to get into it tonight. I’m so tired.” She admitted, her voice overcome with sadness.

“I’ll pump up the air mattress and you and the boys can sleep in here for however long you need. I’d offer you the spare room but that’s where Peter’s been staying and I don’t think empty food containers are the kind of decor you’d be into.” Wanda nodded, squeezing your hand gratefully.

“So his name is Peter?” She asked, curious about the man Agatha had used to trick her in WestView.

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Peter Maximoff, actually.”

Wanda’s brows came to a furrow at that, “Maximoff? So he’s a relation?”

“Yes and no. Peter is from a different reality but he’s still a Maximoff and he’s got super speed. So, and this is just my theory, while you’re not directly related he could still be your brother- if you wanted him to.” You explained, as gently as you could, not trying to push her too far but to nudge the idea in her direction.

Wanda, to your surprise, didn't seem to hate the suggestion, “What is he like?”

A genuine smile made it onto your face then, as you shot into your description of your roommate, “He’s caring, funny, a little bit of a kleptomaniac but he’s working on it. He’s understanding and moronically selfless, moronic in the sense that he doesn’t even realise he’s being selfless. Huge pain in the ass too.” Wanda had a soft smile on her face by the time you’d finished.

“You like him.” Was all she said and you let out a laugh in disbelief, standing up and opening the door.

“Go grab a shower. I’ll have Peter blow up the air mattress while I go introduce myself to my god sons.”

“I thought you’d at least wait until I actually asked you.” Wanda laughed as you walked out of the room.

Things moved fairly quickly after that. As promised you introduced yourself to Billy and Tommy as their god mother, which they seemed more than thrilled about and you assumed that excitement had to do with whatever description of you Peter had given them. Wanda and the twins were all cleaned and fed and had all but collapsed into bed, foregoing the air mattress and huddling together in your double bed instead.

“Where are you sleeping, mother Teresa?” Peter teased as he noticed your eyes drooping where you stood.

“On the couch probably. Or the air mattress.” You mumbled, cutting yourself off with a yawn.

Peter, unimpressed with your options, scoffed, “No way. Come on, you can bunk with me.”

Much like Wanda, you were too tired to argue and you let Peter pull you to his, surprisingly clean, room by the hand.

You both crawled into the bed, lying close together despite the amount of empty space on the mattress.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” Your soft voice broke through the silence and Peter turned his head to look at you.

“About Wanda?” You nodded your head, watching him intently as he rolled onto his side, facing you more comfortably.

Peter shrugged lightly, “I’m feeling ok. Just glad the twins still see me as their cool uncle.” You let out a small laugh at his response.

“Wanda was asking about you. Seemed interested in getting to know the real you.” You informed him, your heartwarming as you watched a hopeful look fall across his face.

A lull settled over the room once again and Peter caught himself staring at you. His eyes drifted over every visible part of you, reminding him of most of the points on his pros list for staying in your universe; your eyes, your lashes, your nose, your lips, you.

“What’re you thinking about?” The sound of your tired voice pulled him out of his thoughts and ultimately pushed him to bite the bullet and tell you how he’s feeling. With you curled up beside him, in his bed, fighting sleep just to stay in his company for as long as you could; he knew there would be no better time.

“Just about how happy I am to be here with you.” He answered you honestly, the butterflies in both of your stomachs fluttering in sync at his words.

You trailed a hand under the duvet and onto the bedsheets between your bodies, feeling around until you found his hand and gently intertwined your fingers. “I’m happy you decided to stay.”

“What you’ve all gone through in this timeline sucks- don’t get me wrong-“ Peter started sincerely, scooting closer to you and dropping his head back down on the edge of your pillow, leaving the pair of you practically nose to nose as he went on.

“And I hate that Wanda had to go through so much… but I’m really glad that it led me to you.” Peter swore in that moment, right after the confession left his mouth, that he could die right now and be completely content knowing that you now knew how he felt.

His heart stopped, and he thought that maybe he was about to die, when you gave him the softest, sweetest smile he’d ever been on the receiving end of and whispered, “I feel the same.”

Time moved in slow motion as he felt you moving your intertwined hands towards your lips, your lips pressed gently against the back of Peter’s hand before you brought them to rest against your chest.

It was a fact to say that Peter Maximoff had never felt intimacy quite like this before. But, experiencing it now, with you, led him to wonder how he’d ever survived without it. He wasn’t sure whether it was natural to crave more, especially when the affection you were showing him was so gentle, but he didn’t care as he let the impulsive side of him take over.

Not sparing another word, Peter closed the small distance between your lips and his. His free hand cupped your jaw while yours wasted no time in getting tangled in his silver hair.

His lips moved softly and surprisingly slowly over yours and he savoured the feeling of your hand holding his while your other got lost in his hair, your body pressed up against him, the way your jaw moved against his palm as you reciprocated the movement of his lips and the taste of your lips, promising himself he’d never let the memory slip from his mind for as long as he lived.

With complete clarity, Peter could say he had felt true, genuine happiness and he had no doubt in his mind that there was absolutely nothing Charles, Hank, Scott or anyone else from his original timeline could say to make him leave this happiness behind. Because in the process of forgetting his old life, he couldn’t deny that he has undoubtedly found himself in the position of a man who had so much more to live for.

[writertitan]

The Swan

pairing: levi x reader

word count: 2398

themes: musician!reader, v soft levi, just fluff, Levi’s POV

requested by anon

The day Historia was crowned was important to Levi for two reasons. One was that, of course, he felt a surge of pride at one of his cadets rising to her full potential and becoming queen. He had always been slightly concerned about Historia; she was small - even smaller than him - and admittedly, he’d always viewed her as the weakest of them.

The second reason that day was so important to him was a reason he wasn’t quite ready to come to terms with. 

That day was the day he’d noticed you. Noticed you fully. 

You had always kept to yourself and Levi hadn’t chosen you to be on his squad. He barely had time to keep track of his own squad, let alone remember all the other scouts. Not that there were many scouts left. Still, you’d joined right before this entire mess had happened. Most of those who had been around before knowledge of titans being humans were dwindling off now. Except for you. 

But you being a survivor wasn’t what had caught Levi’s attention. In fact, you hadn’t even been the one to catch his attention. Not literally, not physically. 

After the coronation, Levi had stepped away, just for a breather and to take a break from socializing. It was exhausting, being around so many people, and being around so much celebration. 

He walked down this hall and that one, turning corners and essentially losing himself in a maze. There wasn’t a soul in sight. 

And that’s when he heard it. Very soft and faint at first, and growing stronger as he made his way down the empty hallway. Someone was playing notes on a piano, and beautifully so. Levi couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard music like this, where it wasn’t being played by some drunk outside at the markets, or being played in jest on base by slapping pots and pans and bringing out a worn out guitar. 

Soldiers didn’t get to hear refined music like this. So, Levi stopped. He stopped walking once he was right outside the door to the room where the music was. He stopped and he listened. It was so...rejuvenating. The exhaustion and stress he felt seeped away just the slightest bit, but it was enough. 

Out of curiosity, he leaned in just the slightest bit to peek his head into the room and figure out who was playing the piano like that. To his complete and utter surprise, he knew who you were immediately, even though you looked...different. 

There was the you that he had seen in passing at base. The you who saluted him and carried an air of respectfulness. The you who gave respect and followed orders and did what a soldier did. 

And then there was this you. The you Levi would have never thought you to be. The you that demanded respect instead of gave it, just from the way you poised yourself over the black and white keys and moved purposefully, eyes closed and face peaceful but concentrated. He barely recognized you and yet he knew exactly who you were.

He shrunk back into the shadows and leaned against the stone wall, his head resting against it as he let himself, for once, relax. 

Each time you stopped playing, letting the last notes die out and fade away, Levi felt his heart sink in an unfamiliar way, only to swell in his chest when a new song began playing from your fingertips. He stayed like that all night, slumped against a wall and out of view while you played song after song as the night wore on.

Even though he understood that eventually you had to stop and everyone had to leave, it still pained him when you stopped for good, the dying song accompanied by the scraping of the bench you sat on moving on the wood floors as you shifted to stand up. Levi sighed to himself and let reality creep back into his mind. The stress that had melted away was slowly weighing back on his shoulders, and made him feel heavy again. 

He was gone before you left the room. 

-

After that, Levi couldn’t stop watching you. It was like you made music with everything you did. He noticed how you’d hum a tune to your horse. He noticed how you even managed to form some sort of gentle melody just tapping your fingers against a table. 

You were constantly making music. He heard music whenever he was around you now. It was starting to get ridiculous, because it wasn’t like anything had changed, really. You still greeted him the same way, treated him the same way, acted and performed the same way. You had absolutely no idea that Levi had changed towards you. 

He was good at keeping his distance, at masking all of his inner thoughts and feelings. That’s what he was good at. And he was good at convincing himself that his choices were sound. Maybe he’d just been a little drunk that night and your music had moved him because of that. There was nothing different about you. You were just another soldier. He didn’t know you. 

But why did it feel like he knew you? Why was he catching himself being more observant? The tune you hummed to your horse never changed. When you’d been put on stable duty, that was when another tune escaped you. He’d only caught it while passing by the stables, but he immediately noticed it was different. 

He also noticed how you stopped and listened to the musicians at the markets when you’d all ridden into town for some supplies. He saw the way you eyed the man with the fiddle, your eyes watching the way his hands produced music from it in an almost careless fashion. The music Levi once thought was atrocious was of course still not as good as the music you had brought into his life, these drunken fools were still atrocious in some sense, but now he listened to it differently. It wasn’t that bad. Not when it had you smiling. 

-

It drove Levi crazy that you still looked at him the same way when he was bursting at the seams with wanting to tell you his big secret. You looked at him the same, you talked to him the same. All surface level. Levi often caught himself staring at you. And, when he had a few minutes of spare time, he filled those few precious minutes with thoughts of you and what it would be like for you to look at him so serenely, the way you did when you made all that music. 

He hoped he wasn’t being too obvious. He had honestly convinced himself that he was the same as always and nobody knew his little secret. It didn’t matter that he was gentler with you, went out of his way sometimes just to say hello to you, made sure you were eating enough and sleeping enough. You didn’t notice, which calmed him down and also made him a little crazy. Although it was better, easier this way, he still hated that he couldn’t tell you what was happening to him. How could he tell you that he was constantly thinking about you, even when he wasn’t supposed to? How could he tell you that those songs you hummed were stuck in his mind? How could he tell you that he loved music now because of you? 

There was an irrational part of his brain that screamed at him to tell you, but it was not as strong as his rational parts that told him to never even take the opportunity should it arise. 

Levi was sure his rational brain was winning. Until the day he sat down next to you in the mess hall and handed you his bread when he saw you giving half of yours to Sasha. 

“Don’t starve yourself,” was all he said, and fought the twitch in his lips when you replied with, “I could say the same to you, Captain.” 

He ate quietly beside you, heart thumping wildly in his chest the entire time. He’d never said so many words to you all in one breath. 

-

It had taken so much work and, truth be told, he almost didn’t give it to you. Levi felt the rational part of him slowly succumbing to...hope? And he understood why so many people clung to this feeling. 

He hoped that if he gave you this gift, you would see. You would be able to understand what he was feeling and thinking and fighting himself about. And maybe, just maybe, you would be flattered. Maybe you would be willing to reciprocate. 

But Levi found himself not caring about what the endgame would be as he walked to your room, gift clutched tightly and clumsily in one hand as he knocked on your door. After a moment of waiting, he deflated, wondering where you could be right now. It was evening, after supper, and there was some down time to be had tonight. Could you have gone out, were you with someone els-

Then suddenly, you were there, surprise etched on your face at the sight in front of you. Levi hid his gift behind his back just in time, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever been this nervous. Had he ever been this nervous? 

“Captain,” you greeted him, voice trailing off so it sounded more like a question. And then a real question. “Can I help you with something?” 

A real conversation. Levi hadn’t really prepared himself for this. Whatever he’d planned on saying was suddenly forgotten and he cursed his now completely irrational brain. 

“I got you something,” he managed to say, shifting uncomfortably and no longer able to meet your eyes. He pulled out his gift from behind his back to show you, eyes snapping to your face at the gasp that came from your mouth. 

The look in your eyes was enough to make the whole endeavor worth it. But the way you were so gentle with taking it from his hands and examining it closely, it made any regret, any hesitance, leave his body. 

You scrunched up your nose and looked at him, violin close to your chest as you almost cradled it. 

“Captain, this looks expensive...I can’t accept it. Where did you get it?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured you almost instantly, panicked at the thought of you not keeping his gift to you. “Really, nobody wanted the damn thing. I thought you’d like it.” 

“How did you know I could play the violin?” you asked him, genuinely curious. 

Levi gulped. He hadn’t known for sure, had only guessed based on one encounter, and hoped that you’d at least just like the gift. So, he told the truth as best as he could without incriminating himself. 

“I saw you eyeing one of those musicians at the market once, the one that always plays that goddamn fiddle,” Levi explained, voice as stiff as his body. “Figured maybe you knew a thing or two…” 

You broke out into a smile then, though it was bashful, and Levi looked away again before his face got too hot and he flushed in a way that gave him away. If you noticed anything amiss, you said nothing. 

“Thank you...this is the best gift,” you said earnestly, then paused, voice growing soft as you asked, “Would you like to hear a little something? I haven’t played in years so I can’t promise it’ll be any good. But maybe you could critique me.”

“I’d love to.” The words came out of his mouth before you could even finish what you were saying. 

You let him in your room and closed the door behind him, and suddenly, the atmosphere was much more intimate. Levi tugged at his collar, wondering why it was so hot all of a sudden, but kept a polite distance as he settled into a chair by the corner and you surprisingly got comfortable in the middle of your room. Levi didn’t know much about music, but figured it would have been more comfortable to sit down or something. 

When you started playing, it was a song he’d never heard before. Hadn’t heard you play it on the piano before, hadn’t heard you hum it or drum it with your fingers before. It was new. And it was beautiful. 

This was the song that told him he was in love. How silly was that? 

But he listened, enraptured by the way you put your heart into every note. He took note of how your eyes closed in that way that was somehow familiar to him now and how your brows furrowed slightly in concentration. But you still managed to look so serene. 

He never took your eyes off you. Levi watched you play out the entire song, feeling his heart move with the strings. You played his heart like you played the violin, in the most purposeful and melodic way. It was pure music. 

Even when you stopped playing and got a little shy, the confidence in the musician version of yourself slipping away, Levi didn’t look away. He was in awe and didn’t care if it showed on his face. 

“You’re not rusty,” he promised you. “You’re incredible.” He meant it in more than one way. 

He wouldn’t have been able to know the way your heart swelled at the sweet words of praise. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

He stood up slowly, not wanting to invade your privacy any longer, but stopped at your door and turned to look at you, that damned nervousness seeping back into his veins. 

“Do you think...do you think I could hear you play more often?” he asked you, the words forcing themselves out before he could catch them. But who was he kidding? He didn’t want to stop himself from asking. 

He didn’t fail to notice the way you brightened at his question. He was relieved at the eager nod. 

“Anytime,” you replied. Then you held up the violin; you held it so gracefully, and knew exactly how to handle it. Levi warmed at the sight. “And thanks again for this gift...I love it, Captain.” 

“Levi. Just Levi,” he corrected you. And you gave him a grin. 

“I love it...Levi.” 

It was music to his ears. 

[its-karma-bitches-00]

ENDGAME

Chapter 4: Back to you.

Description: So... I know many Daminette fans don't like Damian being younger than Marinette so 🚨SPoiler AleRT 🚨 Damian is gonna be younger for a while but an event happens that gets their ages exchanged. (Sort of)

Warning; swearing, angst, fluff.

Summary: Where the world reunites with their loved ones..

Previously

"They're back!, They're back!, They're back!" Maps yelled excitedly, almost jumping at him

"Who's back?!"

"The people who disappeared 5 years ago!"

Damian blinked at the short girl in front of him before narrowing his eyes at her "this is no time to play games Mizoguchi."

"I'm not!" Mia huffed "ask anyone else."

Damian looked at her and he knew she wasn't lying, he gave her a small nod before heading back towards the washrooms.

"Wait!" Mia yelled, holding his wrist "Can you drop me to Olive house?"

"No." Damian deadpanned

"Can I at least have your grapple gun?"

"No" Damian sighed "Sorry Maps, I've gotta go"

Mia nodded "fine. you owe me a waffle bar!"

Damian rolled his eyes at her before running back, wasting no time. "Plagg! Claws out!"

"Aw come on!" Plagg hissed, before disappearing into the ring.

***

Damian ran across roof tops, he felt sick. Where they really there? how did they disappear? What if he went home and found out nobody was actually there? what was he going to to say? So many Questions jumped around his head, but he kept moving either way. He jumped over the large compound of his house calling out "Plagg claws in!" His black and green suit dissolved and was replaced with his uniform. He landed on the soft grass smoothly Before running around large fountain in front of his destination.

Damian panted, looking around. Jason's new bike was spread on the ground carelessly, and the car was literally half-hazardously parked.

He ran towards the large doors shoving it open...

to meet his family laughing and crying in Joy.

They were here. They were all here. Dick, Cass, Steph, Alfred, Selina, Kate, Chloe and Marinette.

Damian could only stare, They looked like they never aged a day, except Alfred who seemed to look younger.

"Damian?" Dick asked, a shocked look on his face which quickly dissolved into a bright smile "Oh my god you look so big!" He yelled, tackling him to the ground "Did you miss me?"

"TT, of course not."

"Liar" Tim laughed with tear stained cheeks "he cried everyday for two years."

"I didn't!" Damian hissed, still in the embrace of his older brother. "Uh-huh, sure." Bruce smiled his arms around Selina

"Father!"

"Wait, wait, wait." Chloe interrupted "what do you mean two years? We've just been gone for like, five minutes"

"Yeah! What's with that?" Steph asked in confusion

"You guys have been Gone for 5 years" Tikki said slowly while the others were nodding in agreement

"That's impossible, I was definitely there for 15 hours"

"It felt like five minutes for me" Chloe said as Cass nodded

"You guys sure you didn't hit your heads on your way back?" Jason joked

"Do you remember where you guys were?" Bruce asked

"Yes" Marinette nodded "It was-It was beautiful, it felt like you were in the middle of the universe without any care and so many different colors were there. Just like stars and galaxies"

"The quantum realm!" Fluff exclaimed "of course! Why didn't I think of that?!"

"What's a quantum realm?"

"The Quantum Zone, the realm where all the energy of the universe come from, and the Microverse, which consists of many different sub-atomic dimensions all accessible through the same means as they are in the Marvel Cinematic Universe." Fluff thought out loud

Jason blinked in confusion "I didn't understand a single shit."

"Language" Alfred warned.

"The Quantum Realm is a dimension that can be entered from Earth by compressing a human's mass to a certain point. Entering the Quantum Realm could potentially cause the person who enters it to shrink forever. Due to the nature of the realm, time passes differently and is more fluid. As a result, with the right equipment, the Quantum Realm can be used for time travel though its impossible to change one's own timeline when traveling into the past in such a manner." Fluff continued

"Still don't get it" Jason shrugged

"You would if you were smarter." Damian snorted

"In a simpler way...A person needs to be really tiny to enter the quantum realm and time passes differently for each person" Tim explained

"Ohhhhh, I get it now!"

"So you're telling we've been stuck in time?" Kate asked

Fluff nodded "except for Alfred, who seemed to travel back in time." which made chaos rise.

"You're telling me we've been missing for five years?!"

"Wait so technically I'm the oldest" Jason laughed evilly

"No you're not! I'm still a year older than you!" Dick smirked

Damian almost gave out a smile, until he noticed Marinette sitting silently on the ground staring at her hands. He crawled towards her, out of Dicks grip and sat next to the girl muttering a small "hey"

"Hi" Marinette mumbled back, glancing at him.

"What's wrong?"

"I-it just seems so unreal, five years? That's like my teenage life. Tim's all grown up! How old is he? 22? and-"

"Hey! hey! Calm down, it's fine. if it helps you feel better, You can always taunt them on how young you are."

"-And you've grown up all tall and muscular and pretty-"

"Pretty?" Damian asked, his face turning red.

"The world has obviously changed! I don't know how you lived without Alfred or Me and Selina because you guys don't know a shit about cooking, and why didn't our miraculouses fade away with us? I could've done something to come back earlier"

"Stop it!" He said grabbing her shoulders "you've done the best you could And what really matters is that you're home"

"Oh and you've gotten soft." She gave him a teary smile before Pouncing on him, giving him a bear hug.

He wrapped his arms around her small body, rocking her back and forth questioning "Do you really think I'm Muscular and pretty"

"No!" Marinette squeaked quickly as she pulled away from their hug "I'm just really tired, and floating in space is really exhausting"

"Mm-hmm, sure" he smiled pecking her cheek, which made Marinette melt on the insides "you hungry?"

"Do you even know how to cook?" Marinette asked

"Hey, we learnt a thing or two when you guys disappeared." Damian chuckled, pulling Marinette to her feet while looking at his brothers questioningly, who were busy wrestling on the couch "You idiots need anything from the kitchen?"

"Yesss" Dick grinned "I want cereal."

"Noodles please!"

"Same here!"

                                                           ...

So how was the it ?....

Okkkk, I know it was pretty lame and all, The only reason I posted this was because I've had this draft for some time and I didn't have the heart to delete it because that would mean I only wasted my time. Soooooo I posted it. Kill me. My dignity is dead, I've got nothin to lose.

But if you guys want another chap... just ask 😉... and please comment and vote!

😊✨♥️

Byeeeeeeeeeee

This was taken from my Wattpad account

@Aquaqueen2020

[artist-issues]

@snowybookworm

I’ve seen the logic behind both schools of thought: that Old Steve could only have sat back and allowed events like Bucky’s torture to unfold (thereby being super out of character) OR that he created an alternate timeline where he stayed in character by solving all sorts of problems while living out his happily ever after. And I’m not going to go into that, I’m not going to swing one way or the other. But suffice to say, I don’t think that the portrayal of time travel rules in Endgame supports the idea that Old Steve could only return to prime 2023 via the same portal he left from, because if that were true, how do you explain the Avengers’ big push to get the Infinity Gauntlet into Scott’s van in the final battle? If the only way they could be returned to the timeline they were snatched from was with the same portal, tossing them into the van, a DIFFERENT portal, would’ve been reality-suicide for our heroes.

But I’m not here to argue about what Steve Rogers did when we DIDN’T get to watch his actions. I’m here to argue about what we DO know for sure based on what we WERE given to watch. I’m here to prove that if you think it’s not like Steve Rogers to leave Bucky in the present to live his days out with Peggy, you’ve missed his whole character arc. You’re one of those people who doesn’t see that he HAS a character arc. Captain America has DEPTH. He has LAYERS to who he is. It’s not just “do the right thing,” as close as that may sound to the truth.

He is not the same exact guy Bucky had to lead out of back-alley fights in the 40s. He might have all of the same excellent qualities that we know and love, the BEST qualities, but we’re not at the same point in his story. He’s learned and he’s grown and Peggy Carter is symbolic of him moving on.

Now, that may sound oxymoronic to you, “because he literALLY TIME TRAVELED TO THE PAST to be with the lady he missed out on! HOW IS THAT MOVING ON?!” you ask. Because you’re missing it. Let’s rewind and look at Steve Rogers and his character development, shall we?

In Captain America: The First Avenger, Steve Rogers goes from a guy with everything to prove, who is so willing to take on the world and all it’s evil that it doesn’t matter if he’s 90lbs of asthmatic shortness, he’ll fight bullies and stand up for what’s right! And he’ll do it ALONE if he has to! That’s important, the word “alone.” He’s so committed to that identity that Bucky Barnes, his best friend and brother figure, keeps having to remind Steve that through all of life’s challenges, he’s not alone, that he’s got someone with him “til’ the end of the line.” And Steve believes it: Bucky will be there for him when he needs dragging out of the gutter and cleaning up, when he has nobody else and nothing else. But Steve knows, or thinks he knows, (AND YOU AND I DO TOO, if we pay attention to the actual movie instead of our fill-in-the-blanks headcanons) that however LOYAL AND TRUE Bucky is to him, he doesn’t believe Steve can win. Bucky doesn’t believe in Steve. Now hold your offense: it’s okay that Bucky didn’t believe in Steve. Have you seen Skinny Steve? He’s an amazing moral giant, but physically he’s not going to live past middle-aged. Bucky believed Skinny Steve was righteous, and a hero, and would never give up, but Bucky was resigned to having to help that righteous hero or watch him die eventually because all that gold was locked up in the wrong-sized package. Sebastian Stan has hinted at what the films portray subtly; that Bucky’s is more cynical than his friend Steve from the get-go. He’s always poised and worried that he’s about to watch his hero Steve get killed standing up to the darkness of the world—not WIN against it. Bucky was ready to help Steve out of fights, but—and here’s BUCKY’S character development in that first film—he’s not ready to follow Steve into fights until after Azzano, when Steve finally has the physical capabilities to back up what Bucky has always known was there on the inside: the will to fight the darkness of the world and win. That’s when he realizes, “he’s the little guy from Brooklyn, too dumb to run away from a fight—and now someone’s actually gone and juiced him up with the means to literally take on the jaws of death.” All that heroism and goodness Bucky’s always seen in Steve has gone from being what might get him killed to something that Steve can actually use to do the right thing, however dangerous. And Bucky chooses to keep his promise and follow Steve back into battle after enduring torture, because he is with him til the end of the line. But initially, cynical yet loyal Bucky Barnes didn’t believe his best friend could win.

Steve sees this about Bucky. He knows how Bucky sees him. In the Erskine Enlistment Scene, this line from Steve is so telling: “Look, I know you don’t think I can do this...” and Bucky responds after Steve’s ‘men-laying-down-their-lives’ speech with “right...cause you got nothing to prove.” sarcastically. Steve knows that Bucky loves him and is there for him, but he sees that Bucky doesn’t believe in him. And they’re still friends. They’re still brothers and everything we know them to be, because the word that defines their relationship is “LOYAL.” But you know who did believe in Steve?

Peggy Carter.

She takes notice of Steve’s heart of gold while he’s still skinny, and asthmatic, and everything that Bucky has seen since they were kids. But where Bucky sees a heart of gold about to be snuffed out by harsh circumstances, PEGGY sees something else. She sees something else because she has a similar hopeful outlook on life, a kindred spirit with Steve’s forever-the-fighter character. Peggy Carter, a woman in the 40s, has had to fight and fight and take one step forward for every three steps she’s been pushed back. She’s had to prove herself over and over, every moment of her career, when nobody (except her brother Michael) believed in her. That’s their conversation in the cab. That’s the crux of why they love each other. Peggy has always noticed Steve as never giving up, but until he talks to her in the car on the way to get Super Soldiered, she might have assumed that he was just trying to prove himself for HIMSELF. Then he explains that he doesn’t have anything against running away, and his philosophy about bullies. And she relates to him. She sees that heart of gold and she wants to STOKE it, not just protect it. She knows what it is to want someone to not only acknowledge her potential, but BELIEVE in it. That’s why she has a picture of Skinny Steve on her desk and not a newspaper clipping of Captain America; she loves Steve Rogers for what is inside, for his moral character, and for their kindred fighter spirits. You can see that through her urging him to not settle for being a dancing monkey. “You were meant for more than this, you know.” “If it could only work once, he would be glad it was you.”

And Steve Rogers recognizes that Peggy Carter believes in him. Here’s how. When Bucky and Steve argue at the World Fair before Bucky’s deployment, Bucky leaves with a sort of “I give up,” so-done, snarky “don’t do anything stupid until I get back” attitude. We know and love it. But that’s important. Steve is about to go lie on his enlistment and try to go to war. He’s about to do this risky thing. And Bucky leaves it like “even though I’m against it, I know I can’t stop you, so please just be careful.” When Peggy is faced with a more extreme, but still similar situation where Steve is about to jump headfirst into a risky thing, that’s not her attitude. “I can do more than that.” “Get back here! We’re taking you ALL the way in!” She’s not going to follow him, and she’s not going to shrug and say “fine, go get yourself killed.” She’s not even going to say, like Bucky might’ve, “if you’re dying, I’m dying with you.” JEEZ, the last thing she says to him before he gets on a plane that becomes his tomb is “GO GET ‘IM.” When he says to her “this is my choice” before he ‘dies’ she accepts it, but she still makes that appointment for the dance- almost like a sad, sweet little ‘if you can get out of this, I’ll still be waiting.’ But whenever he goes into danger, throughout that film, she’s going to HELP him. Because she believes in him. She really believes he can do this. She has faith. That’s the word that describes Peggy and Steve’s relationship. “FAITH.”

Bucky = Loyalty.

Peggy = Faith.

And how does Steve grow in this movie? He learned from both Bucky and Peggy: “I don’t have to fight alone.”  Whether it’s because he’s scrawny and everybody else would run away from a fight they can’t win, or because he’s an icon and the world’s first super-soldier-miracle, he’s always had this loneliness complex. He lifts the weight of the world because he knows that if you can, you should. But Peggy says to him “you won’t be alone.” It’s a quote important enough for him to experience it in a flashback the first time we see him in The Avengers.

In The Avengers, Steve has to share the spotlight with a whole other cast of heroes, PLUS the writers had to show us what it would be like for a 1940s superhero to lose 70 years of time and wake up with nobody left of his old life, so his growth is smaller. It’s setting up for more growth later. But still, there’s that quote. “You won’t be alone.” And now here he is. Alone. In the 21st century. Worse than a skinny kid nobody believes in, now he’s a cultural phenomenon in a world where everyone looks up to him but nobody believes in him, really, not directly. Whether it’s how well he can stand up against gods and iron men, what makes him special, or why cops should listen to him in the heat of interplanetary battle—in this bold new world he’s woken up in, Steve is on a lonelier pedestal than ever. He’s quickly disillusioned with the government that used to give him order and structure when it loses the Tesseract, which it was making weapons of mass destruction out of, then tries to nuke an island full of innocent people to win one battle. But Steve finally realizes, toward the end of the film, that just because SHIELD and the larger world are new and different and don’t know who he really is, that doesn’t mean he’s alone. When the other Avengers join him in going to take on Loki in their own way, and when Tony, in particular, proves that he’ll sacrifice himself for the greater good, Steve remembers his lesson from Peggy. He’s still not alone.

But being surrounded by other misfits, even ones who are willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good like he is, isn’t the same as being surrounded by people who know Steve Rogers, the punch-drunk kid from Brooklyn. He’s looking for purpose at the end of the Avengers. What do we see the other characters doing? Thor’s off to deal with the family drama that defines a lot of his character arcs in his movies. Tony is seen embracing the whole “work with others” thing by starting construction on Avengers Tower. Bruce is going with Tony, proving that he’s learning to trust himself with the Hulk like Tony suggested, and Nat hands him the bag, meaning she trusts him too. Clint is reunited with her and getting in a car with the SHIELD logo stamped on it, and where is Steve? What’s his foreshadowing/cap to the movie character arc? Is he getting in the SHIELD car, too? No. He’s on a motorcycle. Alone. Driving off to Lord-knows-where. He’s the only Avenger that drives off alone—but before he went, he shook Tony’s hand. That send-off says he’s willing to be on this team, with these other fighters and misfits...but he’s still lonely. Nobody really knows him yet. He’s not alone in fighting, but he doesn’t know what he wants or where he’s going.

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier Steve’s character development is centered around solidifying what parts of him need to change now that he’s “The Man Out of Time” and what parts of him stay true. The whole film is about trust. And yes, that trust is best driven him when Steve is literally willing to die rather than give up on Bucky, the man literally beating him to death. Because loyalty. But don’t miss the scene with Peggy, however brief. Their conversation has nuances, especially in light of Endgame. There’s a lot going on in the scene that shows how in love he is with her, but the part that’s most important is just his reaction when she relapses and realizes that he’s alive all over again. The last thing Old Peggy says is “it’s been so long.” And she repeats it, for emphasis. And he points out the dance. Because remember, there’s this theme that she would have waited for him. That’s their relationship: faith. But she didn’t know he was alive, and how could she? It’s been so long. She’s not smiling. She’s crying when she realizes he’s still alive. Because they missed all that time they would have had together. And his face is the perfect micro expression of grief. To me, it doesn’t read “I’m so sad because I missed out on Peggy,” though I’m sure there’s some of that in there. To me it reads more like Steve always reads because he thinks of others first: “I’m so sad because Peggy had to mourn me and our relationship for so long.” I mean, look, it’s 70 years later and she’s devastated that he’s alive but they weren’t together. (You can be devastated about your lost love AND accepting of your life and other children without him, it doesn’t have to be one or the other, but more on that another time.) Steve never moves on from Peggy because that’s not the kind of guy he is. It’s not nothing to say she was the love of his life. And he wanted to go back to her not just for himself, but for her. Because he’d seen the future where she was still heartbroken that he missed their dance, and I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s literally RIGHT THERE in probably the best-written Marvel Film, Winter Soldier.

In a film that’s all about how what he thought was good and right is literally crumbling or growing Hydra tentacles around him, there are two things he doesn’t let go of. The first is Bucky. Bucky is an assassin now who any other hero would have put down. Heck, STEVE would have mournfully put down any other threat to the greater good, for the sake of Doing What’s Right. But there’s two (2) exceptions to that rule, and the first is Bucky. Loyalty. He won’t kill or even fight his best friend. And the second thing he won’t let go of, thematically, is Peggy. It’s how we go from “I’m alone in the future” in the Avengers to, “and if I’m the only one, so be it. But I’m willing to bet I’m not.” Peggy founded SHIELD. Steve didn’t have to take time out of the very carefully synchronized and tense mission to stop Project: Insight to make that announcement. He could have assumed everyone was HYDRA and got to work. But he stopped, he made a FAITH-BASED decision to let HYDRA know they were there and shoutout to any good people in the building because the movie was about trust. And Peggy showed Steve how to have faith and trust in people because she extended it to him. He puts so many eggs in the Big Risk basket during this movie based on trusting others even though Nick Fury’s crucial words were “Don’t Trust Anyone.” That’s the part of Steve that won’t get corroded away by the new world he’s come out of the ice into. And he shows it by loyalty to Bucky, brainwashed warts and all, and belief in people, which Peggy taught him. There’s a lot that could also be said about Sam and Natasha, too, but more on them later.

The main thing, in CA:TWS and Avengers, to remember about Steve’s character arc is that while he’s learning to hold on to IDEALS like belief in people and defending freedom and innocent people from bullies like HYDRA and Loki, how does he express those ideals? The only way he knows how. By fighting. By finding a mission to complete or a cause to serve and going for it. How else? He doesn’t know how to do anything else. “I guess I just like to know who I’m fighting.” Sam asks, “You thinking about getting out?” And hid knee-jerk reaction is “no.” Then, “I don’t know.” AND WHY DOESN’T HE KNOW? Because he doesn’t know what makes him happy. Seriously! What makes him happy?? People who know him. He won’t go on a date because he has “no shared life experience”. He has no fun plans Saturday because his “barbershop quartet are dead.” Hes straight up politely walking away, kind-celebrity-style, from a potential new friend in Sam until Sam starts talking about being a veteran. He tries to relate to others through fights because that seems to be the only thing left. People see Steve as Captain America, leader of the Avengers, Fighter for Freedom, in the future. Nobody sees the kid from Brooklyn anymore. And he doesn’t know who he is without a war.

Bringing us to Avengers: Age of Ultron. This one’s character development is so obvious it feels like they’re beating you over the head with it Hulk-style if you just take half a second to focus on Steve’s scenes. It starts with how he views the Maximoff twins—he can relate to their lab-rats-of-justice ideals, but nobody else shares that sympathy, as seen in the conversation with Maria Hill by the elevator. Then there’s the scene at the party. No, not the one where he reminds Bruce that he waited too long for Peggy, although HELLO HE’S STILL IN LOVE WITH PEGGY. But I’m talking about Steve and Sam’s conversation. Sam mentions home. In the middle of a party, Steve is asking about Bucky, his one remaining person who knows him, and reminiscing about Peggy, the other person who knew him. Home is in the people who know you. Steve wants that to be the Avengers. He wants them to be the people who get who he is, and I think they come close. Nat, Sam, and Tony especially. But Tony never separates who Steve is from this idea of him handed down from Howard Stark, and Steve is made aware of that over and over. Plus Tony doesn’t trust Steve; the team keeps clashing over trust issues in this film. And Tony even says, in the pivotal argument with Steve over the lumber pile, “isn’t this why we fight? So we can END the fight? So we can go HOME?” Steve can’t go home because Steve feels he has no home. He’s made The Fight his home. And he defaults right back to it in this argument: “every time someone tries to stop a war before it starts, innocent people die.” So, again, he’s not ALONE anymore, in the sense that others will fight with him. But he’s still stuck on FIGHTING. And nobody really knows him. At the end of the film he says, almost reluctantly, “I’m home” and proceeds to go in and try to train new Avengers. Sam comes flying in among them—that’s a subtle reason why Steve is willing to make the Avengers/the Fight his new home. The one guy who might actually know him and represent who he is when he’s not behind the shield is missing, and Sam was supposed to be looking for him. Sam is with the Avengers, NOT looking for him.

But all of that is wrecked in Captain America: Civil War. Peggy, the love of his life, dies. Bucky, the friend he’d all but given up on finding, reappears and is in trouble. Without Peggy, there’s only one person left who knows who Steve really is, and with all that Bucky means to him, Steve isn’t going to give him up. It just so happens that that goal of remaining loyal to Bucky is synonymous with hanging on to his ideals: combatting the Sokovia Accords with a little moral kick in the seat from posthumous Peggy. I’m not going to go into why his actions about the Accords were in-character in this film. But it should be obvious from everything I’ve written, anyway. And remember, his faith is in people. Peggy taught him that, as we’ve established.

The main point of character development in this film for Steve is that he’s realized that he can’t give up who Steve Rogers is to be who everyone thinks Captain America is. When the rest of the world says that the Avengers should be little better than Government weapons and operate out of fear, Steve remembers that he’s the kid from Brooklyn who will fight for what’s right, shield or no shield. And Bucky symbolizes that aspect of who he really is, because Bucky knows him in a way that no remaining living character does. So when Steve is fighting Tony to keep Bucky safe, it’s not devoid of their conflict over ideals, either. Stave drops the shield but promises to still be there for Tony if he needs him. He’s not going to be everyone’s Captain America. He’s going to stay the good man Erskine gave a chance to, the good man Peggy believed in, and the good man only Bucky is alive to remember.

Now we get to Infinity War. And here there’s so much going on with so many characters that for Steve, it’s just important to realize that, although he’s finally hit a rhythm in this post-ice life as Steve Rogers, Fighter from Brooklyn, HOW is he hitting that rhythm? Settling down in Wakanda to hang with Bucky and the goats? Leaving the justice and peacekeeping to Tony Stark and the law-abiding heroes? No. He’s still fighting. And not just in response to Thanos—we’re shown hints and evidences that Cap and his Secret Avengers have been doing some behind-the-scenes peacekeeping. So why isn’t Steve finding peace with Bucky? Ask yourself that. He had time. He had anonymity, in Wakanda. He’d given up the Captain America mantle. They could’ve been roomies in that little hut, like when they were kids, right?

Wrong. But why?

It’s not because the Russos didn’t think of it. It’s not because of lazy writing. It’s because of Bucky.

Bucky is still Steve’s friend and Steve is still loyal to him. They don’t mean any less to each other than they did in 1945. But Bucky is not Bucky anymore. If you believe that Sebastian Stan did a good job playing Bucky, you have to remember that Sebastian Stan played him as if he would “never go back to being that guy you see in The First Avenger.” Bucky has evolved. He’s part Winter Soldier, now. Does he still know Steve better than anyone? Yes. But that is corrupted by the fact that Bucky was programmed to see Steve, the country Steve represented, and all of Steve’s ideals of freedom as targets to be destroyed for 90 years. That changes things. Steve is always going to do what is best for Bucky, because that’s the kind of friend he is. It was the kind of friend he was in 1945 when he rescued Bucky from Azzano, it’s the kind of friend he was when he wouldn’t fight him aboard Project: Insight, it’s the kind of friend he was when he gave up the Avengers and the shield for Bucky...and it’s the kind of friend he was when he left Bucky in the present.

In Avengers: Endgame Steve Rogers has experienced what it’s like to fight and lose again. He’s lost everything. He’s lost Peggy, and now Bucky, too. He’s lost everything and everyone that ever symbolized home...except, perhaps, Natasha. His friend who knows what it’s like to give up everything for ideals and fight to prove yourself. His friend who can’t stop fighting, either. But he loses her, too. Before he does, though, what does Steve say? In that first conversation before everything sets into motion? He says that maybe the fight doesn’t need to be fought by them. He says they need to get a life. But Nat says “you first.”

Who knows him the closest at this point? Nat. So who’s the best-qualified to point out where he’s at, character-development-wise? Nat. He sees his flaw. Steve Rogers sees that he can’t figure out who he is, without someone who knows him helping him. He sees that he defaults to finding a cause, a mission, a fight. Heck, the posters of him say “one last mission.” Not “one last sacrifice (of everything for Bucky).” One last MISSION, because that’s the only thing Steve knows how to do when he has nothing else.

“But he DID have something else! He had BUCKY! And his new family with the Avengers!”

Now we get to the part people don’t understand. They think, “how could Steve just leave everybody, especially Bucky, to fend for themselves?”

You didn’t see all that character development, especially in the first film where the differences between what Bucky means to Steve and what Peggy means to Steve are established.

Bucky is not the streetsmart protective charming brother figure he was in TFA. But listen. He’s not the broken Winter Soldier anymore either. Not in a way that needs Steve’s help. He’s not on the run. He’s got his memory back. He’s pardoned. He’s got Sam. Don’t you see, Bucky’s biggest problem is Steve’s, at this point? They MIRROR each other. Steve can’t figure out who he is if he isn’t fighting for everyone else because he’s been fighting for so long. And Bucky can’t figure out who he is with his friend, his brother figure, doing that and him. Because if Steve is fighting, Bucky will always be there to have his back. But fighting isn’t what Bucky needed anymore. It’s not what he wanted. Fighting is what Bucky is tired of.

And Steve Rogers can’t not be where the fight is.

Because without a fight, who is he?

Peggy Carter knows.

Steve Rogers left Bucky because Bucky needed him to leave. They needed to be friends from afar. And Steve left Bucky because Peggy Carter was home. Being with the woman who knew who he really was, as Steve “Kid From Brooklyn” Rogers, was the right move for his character because it shows that he’s finally ready to stop fighting. Stop being Captain America, lonely hero, man out of time. He’s ready to go and figure out who he is apart from all of that, with someone who really knows him. Could he have done that with Bucky? I don’t know. Seems to me, from what we’ve seen, that Bucky represented passively understanding  Steve while Peggy, at the point they were separated, represented understanding Steve and moving him forward.

Bucky was “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”

Peggy is “I had faith.”

Bucky was the guy to have Steve’s back in the fight. Peggy was the woman to show him he was meant for more. She represents his potential. She represents his ability to move on, see who he is when he’s doing more than following orders or standing up for honor or proving himself. It would have been out of character for him to stay in the present because new fights would have arisen, and he never would’ve put down the shield. He would’ve fought until someone killed him. And guess what? Bucky would’ve been right behind him, dragging himself into a fight when what he really needs is to step away from Steve and the baggage of his past for a bit. Not completely, but enough.

But this way? With Peggy? We get to see the guy who was always lonely and always learning how to be less alone actually do it. If you miss how significant that is, and you miss how much sense it makes, you don’t understand Steve Rogers at all.

[yourmcu]

Shawarma

Pairing: Tony Stark x daughter!Reader, Avengers x reader

Summary:

Reader thought Tony fell to his death but gets furious when she sees him with a group of people eating shawarma as if nothing happened.

Word count: 818

Warnings: fluff, ‘fuck’ was used once or twice

A/n: wrote before I saw endgame so events might not be accurate!

read it on ao3!

gif not mine! credits to the owner ^^

You run out of the tower, looking at the aftermath of the battle of New York.

“Goddammit, J, if you would just let me out a little earlier then maybe-”

“I am truly sorry, Ms. Stark. It was your father’s orders.” JARVIS said.

For context, after you found out a man (he’s evil apparently) was in the tower with you and he was opening up a portal that lead to space above it, Tony secured you to the ground floor and told JARVIS not to let you out until everything was okay - or if the tower itself was about to collapse.

You wanted to help, you told him you could, but Tony was very protective when it comes to you.

It was at the point that you begged the A.I to let you out of the building when you saw the familiar Iron Man suit falling out of the sky unconscious.

You had no choice but to turn around and hold in sobs, not bearing the sight.

So here you are walking around the city angrily looking for your father’s dead body.

He has to be, right? Nobody could survive a fall like that - even with an iron suit on.

Plus you try to contact him through your phone and earpiece, no response.

But when you pass by a local shawarma place and see an unusual group of people conversing, one of them being Tony,

You want to lose your shit.

You march right in, ignoring Natasha when she straightens up once she sees you, standing beside where Tony was sitting.

“What the fuck.”

The rest of the team gets startled at the volume of your voice. They don’t notice you walk in since they're all invested in their food.

The man in a blue suit looks at you with a stern expression, “watch your language, kid.”

“Oh hey hun,” Tony says calmly, patting you on the back. “Want a shawarma?”

You don’t budge when he urges you to sit on the chair he pulled up.

Instead, you give the super soldier a dark look, recognizing who he is. “Don’t tell me what to do, Captain, I’m not in the mood.”

“Hey hey, settle down, no need for that,” Tony clears his throat and sends an apologetic look to the now insulted soldier. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I thought you were fucking dead,” you snap.

Everyone's looking at you at this point. “Did you know that I had to watch you fall? I thought you wouldn’t make it - and the worst part was I couldn’t even do anything about it because you told JARVIS-”

“I said I was sorry.” The A.I apologizes.

You let out a frustrated groan, throwing your earpiece to the floor and covering your face with both palms as you exhale shakily.

“You didn’t even try to contact me. I didn’t need a full explanation of what was going on, Dad - I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

All eyes glare at Tony when he slowly grabs his earpiece from the table and shoves it down his pocket. He took it off earlier so he could relax from the stressful battle.

Tony wraps an arm around you, managing to sit you down on the chair.

“Kid, I’m sorry,” he sighs. “What happened today - was scary. It wasn’t just some douchebag who desperately wanted to kill me this time. The point is, I just wanted you to be safe.”

“I really thought you were gone. I don’t know what I’d do if you were-” your voice starts to crack.

“I’m right here. Everything’s fine now.” Tony coos as he pulls you into a bone crushing hug.

Both of you completely forget that there are five other people at the table. They try to eat silently as to not ruin the moment.

“Well, who knew!” The man who looks like a cosplayer from across the table literally shouts, making you jump. “Stark has a bit of a soft side when it comes to this child.”

You remove yourself from the hug. “Sorry, child? Says the man who’s wearing a cape.” Your remark made the other two guys chuckle.

“How dare you make fun of my cape-”

“Alright keep your snarky comments down. This is Dr. Banner, Barton, you already know Romanoff, Cap and Thor, I worked with them. Everyone this is my kid, Y/N.” Tony introduces.

They all mutter ‘hey’ back and you stare at the ground, embarrassed. “Sorry for being rude, Cap. That wasn’t a good first impression. And I’m sure your cape is pretty cool, Thor,”

“It certainly is.”

Steve smiles at you kindly. “I had no idea you were a father, Stark,”

“No one really does. She doesn’t like the press, so,” Tony shrugs. “Can we get another order here, please?”

Thor raises a hand, “I am in need of another.”

“We’ll take five more then.”

a/n: please send in requests if u want :))

[queenofwordsandnerds]

My thoughts on AnS Manga Ch. 119 and 120

Okay I may be late to the party but I have so many feels about these two chapters I have to get them out there or I may explode...

I CAN'T be the only one freaking out about these chapters, can I? They both contained such BEAUTIFUL and OBVIOUS Obiyuki moments that if I was in any doubt as to Sorata Akizuki's intentions before, I'm not now. Obiyuki HAS to be endgame. All the moments in these recent chapters are so subtle yet well-crafted...it can't be an accident.

Let me start by drawing your attention to the beginning of Chapter 119, specifically the title panel and the panel before that:

LOOK. AT. THIS. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming in the car with my mom when I read this. This and the next panel, more than anything else, confirms my belief that Sorata intends for Obiyuki to be endgame.

So in the first panel, Shirayuki and Tsuruba are waiting outside the party for Obi's signal. He steps outside to the balcony and waves the glowing crystal that SHIRAYUKI GAVE HIM (the fact that THAT was their prearranged signal gives me life because that crystal has so much meaning at this point). But he was supposed to flash it, not wave it. Tsuruba is concerned and asks Shirayuki if everything was all right. Shirayuki immediately gets this intense concern on her face, and she says this:

"No...Obi would do exactly as he said. Without a doubt."

Shirayuki knows Obi so well, probably better than he knows himself. She KNOWS INSTANTLY that something's wrong. It speaks volumes to their level of connection. They've always been able to tell when something is wrong with the other, even when other people don't see it. It makes me endlessly frustrated how well they know each other yet they're so blind (at least on Shirayuki's end).

And THEN. THEN.

THE TITLE PANEL.

LOOK AT IT!!! This panel comes right after the first one, by no accident. Sorata WANTS you to have Obiyuki's connection and Shirayuki's concern for Obi in your mind while you read this title panel.

This is the second title panel that has featured Obiyuki dead center of attention with significant wording beneath the phrase "A romance that cuts through fate." If the first title panel wasn't obvious enough...this one is. If I was a new reader and I only saw this panel...I would think that Obiyuki was the "romance that cuts through fate." Other wonderful tumblr users have explained how Obiyuki could be this romance, so I won't go into it...but this is just further confirmation from Sorata to me.

The first title panel read "please, take my hand." This one reads "unwavering trust." The CONTINUITY. DO YOU SEE IT THE WAY I DO?? This title panel is a response to the first one. Shirayuki trusts Obi enough--unwaveringly--to take his hand. There's nobody else that phrase could refer to. Obiyuki's trust in each other is legendary, even within the story. Other characters see them as a unit. (And their hands aren't visible in this panel but close enough that I like to believe they're holding hands beneath the frame here. It's possible!)

Am I reading too much into this? Maybe. But I can't be the only one who sees the massive significance?? I just can't!

Also, I will say the one issue I had with the story was the lack of Shirayuki in a gorgeous mask and ball gown infiltrating the party on Obi's arm (and Obi's utter swamp mess of feelings upon seeing his Miss dressed up). I feel ROBBED on that score. But at least we got to see our cat boi in his fancy clothes and mask...can we just take a moment to appreciate how FINE our boi looks? Like LOOK AT HIM

STUNNING SO SEXY SHIRAYUKI YOU BLIND WOMAN-

Ok moving on

So these next two panels were my FAVORITE part of the whole two chapters. Shirayuki and Tsuruba are outside and Shirayuki asks Tsuruba to help her up onto the balcony. But Obi APPEARS out of nowhere like he was summoned by a call (lbh his Miss asking for help probably was a call) and he jumps down besides Shirayuki and lifts her up himself before Tsuruba can even move...all without saying a word.

OUR BOI IS THE ONLY MAN ALLOWED TO HELP HIS MISS AND ONLY HIM. ZEN WHO??

Seriously, this part is so short yet so significant. It takes up a notable number of panels, and we didn't need to have Obi help Shirayuki. Tsuruba could have done it. But Sorata devotes these pages to this scene so we can SEE that Obi is still his Miss's loyal knight. He still takes care of her and is probably a bit jealous of another guy helping her when that's HIS JOB. It's a sharp reminder that not only is Obi very much Shirayuki's knight, but also he's still in love with her. It's just a sweet scene with a very easily discernible romantic element.

Also...that panel of Obi kneeling at Shirayuki's feet with his cape fluttering, ready to aid her...*chefs kiss* I could stare at that panel for hours. The facial expressions and detail during this scene is also priceless. I would rate it in the top 10 Obiyuki manga scenes, honestly.

SHIRAYUKI YOU SWEET GIRL HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLIND I SWEAR-

The rest of the Obiyuki moments that I noticed were more minor, but still really significant to their story and development as a whole. There's several panels of Obi and Shirayuki considering things together, being concerned together, working out solutions together...

Like this one (the way he hovers protectively over her shoulder tho...it's almost like his right hand is on her back):

Or this one:

THIS ONE MURDERED ME:

LOOK AT THE SYMMETRY. THE PARALLELS. THE BACK TO BACK. THE WAY THEY THINK THROUGH THINGS TOGETHER.

Obiyuki's legendary similarity in thinking will always impress me. They share such similar thought processes, they LITERALLY finish each other's sentences. And the way they come to the same conclusion in this panel and they share the same determined look like "yeah, we know what we're thinking and we know what we've got to do and we're on the same team" JUST KILL ME NOW. Could you get any more couple-y without being an officially canon couple?

And the last panel of them together: Shirayuki can ride on her own now but she sits behind Obi JUST LIKE OLD TIMES and how the two close-up panels of their faces are just too perfect and they're ready to take on the danger together like the absolute unit they are-

So yeah

Chapter 119 and 120 had some of the best Obiyuki moments I've seen in a while, honestly. The plot didn't go in the way I expected, but it was SO GOOD! The drama and pacing were absolutely on point, I can't wait until December I need to find out what happens NOW!

[airi-p4]

Miraculous escape - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

I wasn’t planning to post this yet, but it’s Lukadrien June and today prompt is ‘escape’ and, even if it’s only Lukadrien friendship (bc it’s Lukanette & Adrigami endgame), it fit so well that I couldn’t stop myself from posting this. Chapter 1 and the final chapter have been finished for months, but I don’t know when I’m going to continue with the rest... 

This fic is based / inspired by Marilyn Monroe’s ‘Some like it hot’ film.

Thank you @alittleshycat for the header and wanted posters pic! ( I hope you’re doing well... I miss you... 🥺💙 )

Thank you @brickercupmasterx3​ for proofreading! 💙

Summary:

Luka helps Adrien escape from his prison-like house and his strict father but Gabriel Agreste is not planning to let them go away easily. They become fugitives and ask Juleka for help, who offers them a very unconventional escape plan: joining a girl band/orchestra to flee the country.

Easier said than done, especially when they find something unexpected in that band: the two most beautiful women they've ever seen.

Warning: includes art

AO3

_________________________

Chapter 1: Fugitives

"My father is going to kill me."

"Your father is going to kill us."

One carrying a guitar on his back, and the other a piano keyboard case on his hand, two musicians were being chased by multiple cars around Paris. Turning corners, going up and downstairs, hiding behind trash containers and cars, the chase seemed far from an end anytime soon. Panting for air, the pair continued running after they turned the corner, just in time not to be seen-  a close call. The loud sirens never seemed to stop, coming from all directions.

"I can't believe I finally escaped from home!", the young blond man exclaimed excitedly. "Thanks, Luka. I wouldn't have made it without your help. You're a real friend."

"Don't mention it, Adrien. That's what friends are for, right?", the blue haired man laughed and patted his back. "It would have been perfect if we hadn't broken half of your father's statue collection while escaping your bodyguards, though. Now he's gonna kill us for sure. We can't let them catch us!"

"We need to run away from Paris. And fast! My father is the devil itself! You don't want to know..."

"I don't!"

Jumping down a wall, and turning another corner, the two friends hid in the back of a funeral car and waited until the police sirens got further away. They had been scolded for being disrespectful with the dead, but it was worth it: they were safe- at least for now.

"We need to leave the city and find a place to stay. Knowing your father, he must have all stations, roads and airports under his control." Luka said, stopping Adrien from crossing the street to firstly check their surroundings.

"How are we going to do it? Our car became 'inoperative' during the chase and our friends and family must be monitored!"

Adrien's panic made Luka grab his shoulders to reassure him of their plans.

"No, look. They know you, but they don't know much about me. Not many people know I have a sister who lives here, in Paris."

"You do?"

"Yes. We need to make it to her apartment and then we’ll figure out how to proceed. Are you ready to run again?"

"More than ready. I'm excited!" Adrien grinned back at Luka, feeling an adrenaline rush.

"Let's go!"

__________________

When Juleka opened the door of her apartment, she wasn't expecting to meet her dumbass older brother and Adrien Agreste, the young man who had been on the news non-stop for the last two hours. She raised one eyebrow and Luka knew she was looking for a reason not to shut the door on their faces.

"Juleka! We need your help! We have to get out of the city. Could you lend us your car?"

"What the heck is wrong with you!? It's been two years and that's all you have to say? What kind of trouble are you involved in now? This flower boy has been in the news for hours! They are even offering a reward for whoever finds him! And one for you! A dead or alive one in your case! They're saying you kidnapped him! So you better have a good explanation or I'm kicking you out."

"I do, I do! Listen: remember dad? I know you were little, but do you remember what being trapped is? That's this man's, Adrien's, everyday life for you. I couldn't bear to see my friend like that anymore so I offered to help him escape" Juleka's eyebrow sank deeper towards her nose, meaning Luka knew that wasn't good news. "I had to help him get his freedom! Can you believe he has never had a burger? Or been to a drive through? He can't even drive a car! He literally crashed my car at a streetlight after mistaking the gas and brake pedals! Have some compassion and help us escape Paris. Please?" he finished, pleadingly.

Juleka's eyes moved to analyze Adrien before answering: blond rich guy, well dressed and innocent looking. The way he was trying to figure out her front door and how his green eyes curiously examined his surroundings made him look like a playful cat, and Juleka had no doubt that he was as dumb, or probably dumber, than her older brother. Which meant Jukeka wanted them out, but also that she couldn't refuse to help- otherwise they would surely not make it out alive.

"Fine. What do you need?" She resigned.

"A car or anything that takes us away from Paris! No, better! Out of the country!"

Adrien was still examining Juleka's old and untidy room when she noticed his eyes paused on a paper on the table. She knew that paper: a girl band/orchestra called "Miraculous" was looking to recruit experienced musicians to perform around Italy for three weeks. Suddenly, she knew what to do.

"Join that girl band, the one in the pamphlet", Juleka suggested, pointing at said paper.

"What? A girl band? We're men, Jules! We can't join a girl band!"

"Luka is right!" Adrien quickly agreed.

"No, it can be done. I'm good with makeup and I'm tall enough for my clothes to fit Adrien. We can use some of Mom's clothes for you. ‘Old style’. Oh, and I have some wigs too.” Juleka continued. "Can this blondie play any instrument?"

"Well, yes. He's a pianist," Luka answered.

"Perfect! I'll find a way for you to cover for the pianist and the guitarist of the band: Chloe and Lila. Nobody likes them anyway, and the band members probably don't even remember their faces well, since they joined recently. Nobody will miss them. And it's perfect that you're blond, just like Chloe. I have the perfect wig for you"

Juleka disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a pair of scissors, two wigs and a box of makeup- oh, and wax. The two male friends could feel cold sweat down their backs.

"Wow, you have such a pretty face!" Juleka exclaimed, taking a closer look at Adrien's facial features. "I'll cut your bangs a bit so they don't show under your wig. Luka: do yourself a favor and go shave meanwhile."

"Are you serious about this, Jules?" Luka asked, moving towards the bathroom sink.

"Of course I am", she glared confidently at him. "Do you want to flee the country or not? I'm getting you out, but you need to trust me."

"Is this really necessary…?" Adrien asked in a trembling voice, seeing how Juleka's scissors were close to his eyes as she was cutting his long bangs.

"It definitely is! The band orchestra is leaving midday tomorrow and we have a lot to do!" Juleka ordered. "I can't wait to wax those hairy legs of yours" she murmured. Adrien could only gasp in fear.

When Juleka finished, she was proud of her results. The disguises were perfect: a long blond wig on Adrien, tied as a long braid, his big green eyes standing out with the mascara on his lashes, and he had pink colored cheeks and cherry lips. His face and hair were perfectly complemented by a white dress to his knees and a short jacket over his shoulders, covering his strong forearms. He also used some pads to simulate not very large breasts. The final touch was a pair of elegant high-heels with diamond looking glass studs on them. He looked beautiful, prettier than many women. So pretty the Couffaine siblings blushed a little at the sight.

As for Luka… well, he was tall, big and manly, and with sharp features: definitely not easy to pass him as a woman. But Juleka was almost a professional and she did an incredible job. He had his hair cut short so his blue hair didn't show under the long dark haired wig - good for covering his wide muscular back. He was advised to wear a hat and sunglasses most of the time, but he was also wearing lots of makeup. Using a full palette of skin tones, Juleka managed to hide his strong jawline and make his cheekbones, chin and nose look smaller and rounder. He wore black eyeshadow and mascara, brownish red lipstick and natural blush. He looked like an unfeminine lady but that could pass as genetics, right? People would maybe look away, but they would understand. As for his clothes: he wore a long wide purple dress tied with a belt and some brown pirate-like high boots (the only ones that would fit him because they belonged to himself). The bottom half of his outfit was complemented by a grey knit poncho. His fake breasts were bigger than Adrien's and he wore a wine red scarf to cover his neck- especially his pronounced adam's apple. He looked… pretty good, considering the base product. And that alone was an amazing accomplishment.

"You're perfect. Ready to go. I've packed a pair of party dresses too. You'll need them for your performances" Juleka said, admiring her amazing work. "Oh, and just so you know. I'm also part of the band, so I'm coming too."

Later that night, just before sunrise, Juleka sneaked to Chloe and Lila's apartment to steal their accreditations and sent them fake cards about the train being delayed so they wouldn't appear at the last moment and ruin everything. Juleka smirked victoriously for having at last taken her revenge on the two women she hated the most.

___________________________________________

After nervously passing the first frontier of the train station- the ticket man, Luka and Adrien, who were disguised as women, moved towards the platform, happy for not having been recognized after the first control. Adrien had trouble walking in heels, so Luka lent him his arm to help him keep his balance.

"Remember: your name is Chloe now, and my name is Lila", Luka reminded his friend as they walked towards the train platform.

"I don't like those names", Adrien complained.

"I don't like them either, but it’s better that we don't stand out". Luka sighed.

Grabbing their baggage and instruments, the two men approached the train car written on the ticket. They were stopped before they could get on the train- just next to one of their 'wanted' posters. The two men didn't notice it, but Juleka did and rushed them to get on the train fast.

"Hey, who are you?" Asked a middle aged woman, the one in charge of the band, they assumed. "I've never seen you before. Are you new?"

"I- I'm Adri- My name is Noirette”, Adrien said, receiving equally surprised and annoyed glares from both Luka and Juleka. Before Luka could speak, Adrien continued. “And she's Lucia. We're the new pianist and guitarist of the band".

‘What. the. heck?’ Luka couldn’t believe his friend as he stared at him in annoyance and shock. His high pitched voice acting was hurting Luka's ears too. 'We're dead', he thought.

The middle aged woman showed orchestra at Adrien’s words: she clearly didn’t like last minute changes. Scanning them under her glasses, she questioned them again. "What happened to Miss Chloe Bourgeois and Miss Lila Rossi?"

While the two men were taking too much to come up with an excuse, Juleka, who was sick of their bad acting, stepped into the conversation.

"The talent agency sent them somewhere else. These two are here to fill in for them."

Still unconvinced, she raised her glasses. "Hmmm... you know them, Juleka?"

"They come from the same talent agency as me", Luka’s sister confidently said.

"Hmmm... that should be enough then..." It seemed like she was convinced at last and the two men could finally breathe. “I'm the band's director. You can call me Madam Mendeleiev. And that man over there is Mister Damocles, the manager. You can introduce yourselves later. Go to your seats now.” Before they could take a first step, the middle aged woman stopped them again and called for someone. "Yves! Come here and carry these ladies’ instruments to the train! Be useful for once!"

Luka and Adrien exchanged looks when a young blond man approached them quickly. "Yes, Madam!" He shouted, approaching the disguised men to get their instruments. He stopped in front of them, intensely staring at Luka’s pupils before trying to complete his job.

"Oh. Hello, there. XY at your service! Can I help you, beautiful? Fancy a drink sometime?" He raised his eyebrows twice, shamelessly flirting.

Luka's face went white in disgust. Juleka's chuckle and Adrien's big eyes made him snap out of it.

"Oh, Just carry this, thank you!" Luka answered, annoyed, as he shoved his and Adrien’s instruments and suitcases into XY’s arms, making the blond man lose balance from the pile of weight on his arms. “And take good care of them because they’re… fragile”

"A- As you wish, beauti- Ah!…" He stumbled, losing his balance and almost falling down. “But later that drink-”

"Yves!! Stop the crap and do your job!" Mendeleiev scolded him.

"Yes, Madam!" He straightened his back. "See you around", he winked at Luka before leaving, having trouble walking properly. The guitarist could feel shivers all over his body, while Juleka snorted, having real trouble trying to hold her laugh in.

"C'mon, hurry up!" Juleka pressured them, adding in a whisper "you better not expose yourselves before leaving."

"Thank you for saving us, Juleka." Luka whispered to her ear while getting on the train.

"You better stop acting stupid if you don't want to get caught!" Her response showed her annoyance and the men gulped in response.

The seats were arranged in pairs, so the two fugitives could sit together and relax a bit. They were also grateful for the lack of contact needed with the rest of the band.

The ‘Miraculous band’ was a dancing orchestra. Similar to a big band, but with vocals, a spectacular stage and completely fine for all ages to enjoy. In this case, its main particularity was how it was formed only by women. The band formation included: a rhythmic section (electric bass, electric guitar, drums and electronic piano), a wind section (saxophones, trumpets and trombones) and two singers. Many of the members were usually multi-disciplined in those bands, which meant they could play more than one instrument, just like Luka with the Lyre. Some of the side instruments were the violin, the flute, the maracas or the tambourine. Another particularity of these kinds of bands was the big range of styles in their repertoire: from rock and popular national or international hits to swings, waltz, salsa- anything that could be danced to.  

If it weren't for the all girls' rule, Adrien and Luka wouldn't have minded joining them for real. But they had something more important to think about now- running for their lives.

"Is everyone here?", Mendeleiev asked, standing at the train car passage.

"Marinette and Kagami are not here yet, Madam" A dark skinned, red haired lady pointed out.

"Those two again… if they weren't so talented and popular I would have fired them already!"

"There they come!' A small blond short-haired lady screamed, startling Juleka in the process. "Sorry! I didn't want to startle you. My name is Rose" she introduced herself.

"Juleka…" and that's all she could say as she lost herself in that petit woman's eyes.

"What do you play?", the little woman innocently asked. "I play the trombone!"

"The electric bass…" she answered, hiding her blush. ‘Cute, sweet and with lungs of steel?’ Juleka gulped. ‘I’m screwed’.

"Finally!" Madam Mendeleiev said, as the ladies arrived, panting from their run there. "You're late! Go to your seats quickly!"

The two ladies who got in the train, bowed their heads in apology for their tardiness, as they walked to the empty seats of the back of the car. And when their faces looked up for a moment, it was the exact moment Adrien and Luka reached heaven. Their eyes couldn't stop staring at the most beautiful ladies they had ever seen, following them with their eyes and faces as they passed just beside them, moving to sit a few rows to the back. They couldn't take their eyes off them until Juleka called for their attention, warning for their discretion. But it was too late: the boys had lovestruck grins on their faces that didn't plan to go away anytime soon.

The two ladies had black hair and asian features. The short haired one was taller, had brown eyes and wore a beautiful white blazer with a red skirt. She looked elegant and confident, while the other woman looked cute, clumsy and innocent, and was shorter. She had blue eyes and dressed in a pink coat. Her hair was long and tied in two curly twin-tails. Their beauty stood out even more when they were together.

When the train started moving, Madam Mendeleiev gave the girl band some instructions- something Luka and Adrien would ask Juleka what it was about later. Later, Rose suggested an introduction game for the new members after the explanation had ended. The ladies excitedly agreed.

"I start!" said the same blond girl. "My name is Rose Lavillant and I play the trombone! I studied at a conservatoire in Paris for 3 years before joining this band recently. I like pink and unicorns and my favorite food is strawberry shortcake. Nice to meet you!"

After a round of applause, Rose signaled Juleka to continue, and she passively proceeded. "I'm Juleka. Bassist. Nice to meet you"

Next to continue was the red-haired woman from earlier, Alya, flautist and trumpeter; the drummer, Mylene; another trumpeter, Alix; and one of the saxophonists, Sabrina. It was Adrien's turn next.

"Hello!" He started, with his high-pitched voice. "My name is Ad-" he paused for a second at Juleka's deathly glare, gulping once before continuing. "My name is Noirette. I play the piano! I'm from Paris Classical School and I'm very pleased to meet you all!" He squealed, moving his arms along.

Adrien's excitement for freedom and new experiences was contagious to the rest of the ladies who energetically (almost hysterically) responded "Nice to meet you too, Noirette!".

It was Luka's turn next. He gulped, nervous, and with his fake high pitched voice and under Juleka's death stare, he started.

"Hi... My name is Lu- Lucia". 'I'm killing Adrien for giving me that name' he thought. "I play the guitar. Nice to meet you"

With their introductions over, Juleka finally relaxed. The rest of the ladies' introductions followed but, to be honest, neither Luka nor Adrien were listening: they were just patiently waiting to know more about the ladies that captivated their hearts. Their turn finally arrived, and the short haired one started:

"Hello. My name is Kagami. I sing and play the violin. I've been in the band for a few weeks. My favorite color is red and my favorite food is katsudon. Nice to meet you" a silence followed Kagami's introduction, so she called for her partner's attention with her elbow. "Marinette, your turn!"

"Oh-! Sorry… I was distracted… He-ello… My name is Ma- Ma- Marinette! I'm a singer but I can also play side instruments like the tambourine, the maracas or the castanets. I've been in this band for a few weeks and I studied in Paris Music School. My favorite color is pink and my favorite food is macarons. It's nice to meet you-", she ended with a nervous high-pitched voice.

Luka and Adrien exchanged excited lovestruck grins: the ladies' names and voices were just as beautiful as their faces. They were going to enjoy their outing with the band better than they could have expected.

______________________________

When the car got loud from the ladies chit-chat, Luka and Adrien found their moment of peace to share their thoughts.

“Luka, did you see that?” Adrien started, signaling at the end of the car, towards the singers of the band.

“Yes…I saw.” Luka answered, with a lovestruck grin on his face.

“That beautiful face…”, Adrien continued.

“Sweet voice…”, Luka added.

“Asian features…”, their mumbles continued.

“Dazzling eyes…”

“Dark shiny silky hair…”

The two men reacted at their exchanged words and looked at each other, surprised and nervous. Adrien gulped, worried.

“Wait- who are you talking about?”

“Who are YOU talking about?” Luka threw his question back at him, slightly aggressively.

“That girl, Kagami, of course!” Adrien exclaimed as if it was the most obvious response.

“Oh, that's good. I was talking about Marinette.” Luka sighed and showed him a relieved smile.

“Oh...” Adrien blinked, sighing and smiling in relief too. “I'm glad we weren't talking about the same girl. I wouldn't have liked to steal a girl from you.”

“What makes you think I wouldn't win her over you?”, Luka confidently grinned.

“Oh- anyway- It's better this way.”

The two men laughed together, trying not to be too loud for their manly voices to destroy their cover-ups.

“Will you help me with Kagami?” Adrien asked his friend.

“Only if you help me with Marinette.” said Luka, offering him a handshake he excitedly returned.

“Count on it, my friend!”

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|seven.

chapter seven: yellow roses

↳ flower meaning: jealousy, infidelity, apology, broken heart, intense emotion, dying love, extreme betrayal

Pick one. 

chapter summary: dried flowers on walls and ‘dirty’ dancing

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angsty? just a bit,  fluffy, mentions of sex 

word count: 8.1k

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles   six:  in which y/n wakes up and Tom doesn’t. 

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

Tags aren’t working so yeah. Sorry for posting late. I am too busy with school, and my job and  life and yeah so I hope you enjoy it. 

Tom woke up alone. He thought he wouldn’t, for the first time in months he thought he’d finally wake up by her side, kiss her cheek, pull her close to him and nuzzle into her hair as he asked for five more minutes of sleep.  He hadn’t, and that had bothered him, just a little. 

No, it had bothered him a lot. To wake up alone when you expect not to, hurts. So damn much. Because he didn’t know the reason for it now. 

Of course, she probably hadn’t run away, he thought. Maybe she’d woken up early to get her morning tea, or maybe she was making breakfast or whatever y/n did now. Did he still know her? Did he know her routine? 

He knew she had changed. He had expected her to, of course. He had, too. In a good way. Well that was what he thought or liked to believe apparently. 

He wondered why she had never called, not once. He thought about doing it, several times. Had it ever crossed her mind? To call him? Because it had crossed his mind, every day. 

Of course, his friends had stopped him from doing it, and Harry, Harry had stopped him from doing it. 

“I want to call her,” Tom had stated once. 

“Don’t, she did this to give you some freedom, so you could heal.”

Freedom that turned into severe loneliness. Tom had never really experienced it, and though he was not alone, he had felt lonely. Sometimes he couldn’t quite understand why, it’s not like before they dated they were that close. 

Or were they? And had Tom never truly acknowledged how important to each other they were? Because of course he knew she was important but he hadn’t realized how much she had influenced his life. 

For better or for worse, that is. Not always the brightest side. But… she was there. And for those months, she disappeared. And it wasn’t like when she had disappeared after that club night. At that time, Tom had tried to reach out, subtly. 

Had she felt this way? This heart-clenching way? Tom didn’t understand why he had felt so lonely. How they’d gone out to bars, and the music didn’t cheer him up, how he had walked through the crowded streets but not a single person seemed to notice. How his friends would laugh but he couldn’t even get the joke. 

He missed her. Because she’d always been there, one way or another. 

And now she wasn’t there by his side to kiss him good morning, she wasn’t there to run her hands through his hair while she gave him a shy smile, and the sun was pooling her whole bed, and thought it was warm, Tom still felt cold and like a stranger in that bedroom. Bedroom that he hadn’t stopped to take a glance at.

He knew y/n was so dramatic and chaotic and always, always, always made everything for the aesthetic and for her big drama show. Her room was her set, he knew, the place where her secrets hid. 

He wondered what had happened to Tim’s box, and it was nowhere to be found. There was no box in sight. The Polaroids weren’t the usual y/n Polaroids. She had some with James, and her parents. But most of them were from different places. 

He could see some Polaroids from New York, even one from Rome but most of them were new. Most of them had flowers. 

That was her latest theme, it seemed. Flowers. Flowers taped to her wall, flowers in her nightstand, near the small mirror. Flowers. 

Which seemed so very like her, Tom thought. He saw her  dried flowers and they seemed oddly familiar but he couldn’t quite figure out where from. 

He continued scanning her room, it made him happy there was absolutely no trace of Timmy in that room. There was no sight of Tom, either, whatsoever. 

Well, maybe there was. Because there were pictures of New York, of Rome. Not sight of him but it was subtle. Very subtle. He saw the vinyl he gave her about a year ago on her birthday. Which made him think. Just a year ago, Tim had planned the perfect party for y/n. A year ago, Tom thought he had lost his chance with y/n, for good. A year ago, Tim had been the one that made y/n: “The one that got away.” Of course, not now, but it seemed that Tim really had been y/n’s endgame. Of course, Tom didn’t believe that now. But he was still not fond of the fact that his… that y/n was sleeping next to that man, literally, since their rooms were just right by the other. 

That pissed him off. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much if he was sure y/n loved him. But thinking about it just… bothered him. 

Tom had felt so lonely. So lonely and he had needed her so badly. And waking up without her one more time hurt. But he knew she probably was out there, making breakfast, or working on something, maybe gushing to Emma what had happened. 

He couldn’t think of why she hadn’t been there. That wasn’t really her thing, he knew, at least in New York she always waited until he woke up too. But he was probably overthinking. That was something Tom had learned while being apart. He had never really dealt with it, but he guessed that was what broken hearts do, they change you. 

And he’d never dealt a heartbreak like that one before, not that harsh. Maybe that was why he felt lonely again in her bed. 

This breakup had felt like it had been for good. He hadn’t told her about that, and they probably still had to talk about it, but Tom had really felt he had lost her forever. Because they were hurt, because they were apart, and because their life had taken different paths. Because everything was different. But then he had the night before as the sole proof they had both missed the other. 

He sat up and rubbed his face. Not wanting to deal with it, trying to get that thought out of his mind. So impossibly stuck there. But he was there now, right? But there was a lot they had to talk about, and maybe sleeping together could have been a setback. Except, he really thought it wasn’t, because it wasn’t sex. Yes, of course, it was passionate and hot and Tom probably wanted to repeat it. But it was intimate and their connection was still there. He knew it wasn’t having sex for the sake of sex. Though both of them had been desperate for it, he knew it wasn’t about the sex. It was more than that, so desperate, longing to touch the other as if there was a magnet pulling them together, bodies glued to each other as hearts synchronized in a sole emotion, fast heartbeats combined with short breaths and the sound of their names over and over again. And then so calm, and quiet, and tender, heartbeats getting steadier, 

Nobody said it would be easy, and Tom was well aware it wouldn’t be. Not for now because there were still secrets waiting to come out, and conversations waiting to be heard, and tears ready to be shed. He wished he could skip to the part where they were happy, if that part was ever to be reached. And though it wasn’t simple, it was something that he aspired. 

Though it was crooked, and he didn’t want to go there again. Not repeat the same mistakes they’ve done before. And so far it looked that way, from enemies who had to apologize, and who barely talked to desperately trying to hook up. He didn’t want to repeat history. 

They needed a new one, one that didn’t end in a heartbreak. Not their heartbreak, at least. 

He tried to look up for his clothes, his shirt was nowhere in sight. Though he probably knew who was wearing it. He knew y/n had a thing for wearing his clothes. He didn’t mind, he possibly couldn’t mind. 

He walked out of the room, shirtless as he sneaked out of y/n’s room, he didn’t see her right as he came out, so he walked to the kitchen, she wasn’t there, and not on the couch. Her apartment was small, so it rubbed the wrong idea on him. Had she left? 

And then he saw her walk out of what Tom assumed was Emma’s room. Or so he hoped it was her room. 

Emma locked the door right after y/n had walked out. 

“Very mature, Emma, very mature,” y/n whispered, rolling her eyes. 

“What do you know, y/n? You also did something stupid.”  Emma yelled from the other side of the room. 

“At least I accept it,” y/n yelled back. 

Tom chuckled slightly and awkwardly as he saw her, standing there against the door, wearing his t-shirt just like he had expected her to. 

Y/N finally turned around to see him, she blushed instantly. 

“Oh, hi,” she said softly, a smile spreading on her face. 

“Morning,” Tom answered walking over. 

She seemed nervous, embarrassed as she shuffled her feet, watching him. “Did you sleep well?” 

He had, for that matter. For the first time in months he’d finally slept peacefully. He had slept, for that matter. Not once had he woken up in the middle of the night to stare at the moon. So dramatic and melancholic but he couldn’t help it. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close to him. “Hm,” he smiled, glance going up from her eyes to her lips. “Thought I wouldn’t wake up alone for the first time in months.” 

She avoided his gaze. “Sorry, Emma—made some noise and woke me up and—“

“And you did something stupid,” Tom pointed out. “I can only assume I am stupid in that equation.” 

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself,” she smirked. “You’re stupid in every equation.” 

He laughed, and then leaned over to kiss her cheek. 

She smiled, as his lips continued to pepper her face with small and soft kisses. 

“Tommy,” she whispered. 

“Hm?” He travelled down to her neck.

“Stop,” she giggled. 

He sighed as he stopped. “Hm, it’s only fair if you’re wearing my t-shirt.” 

“I—It was the first thing I found.” 

“In your room?” He pushed, laughing, 

She blushed looking away. “Yes, all my clothes disappeared,” she stated, walking her fingers through his chest. 

“How awfully convenient,” he smirked. She looked up at him and locked her eyes with his. As if both of them knew they had to talk and were avoiding it. Tom felt naked. And not for the fact that he was technically half naked and he was shivering each time her fingers brushed against him. He felt completely like his true self, he didn’t have to hide anything, but then again… they were alone. Even if Emma was on the other side of the door, they were alone. 

“You’re doing it again,” y/n mumbled looking away.

Tom laughed with confusion. “What am I possibly doing?”

“Last night you gave me those same eyes and look where we ended up,” she pointed out. 

He coughed, “Then with more reason I’m not stopping,” he smirked and finally pulled her close enough to kiss her. He felt her smile against the kiss. He pulled her and clumsily made his way back to y/n’s room, crashing against walls and furniture on their way. 

Tom quickly closed the door and slammed her against the wall as he kissed his way down her neck 

“Tom no wait—“she said. 

“Hm, need a cold shower again?” He asked. 

But she was pushing him away. “No, no, Tommy.” 

He sighed, still pressing soft clumsy kisses behind her ear. 

“Tom, no, really—We—“she sighed. 

“What?” He asked, lips brushing against her jawline. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. “I was supposed to be angry at you,” she sounded disappointed at herself. 

He finally pulled away. “Hm why?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” she whispered. It seemed like she was trying to get back into her senses, yet she still hadn’t let him go.

“I am,” Tom admitted. “But—what does that have to do with anything?” 

She gulped. “Tom—we, we have to talk about it,” she sighed. “We can’t—“

“I know, we can’t keep avoiding it,” he bit his lip. “But maybe just— a few more minutes and we can talk about it on set,” he begged as he pushed her hair back. 

“No,” she finally managed to get out of his grip. “No, no… no.” 

“Fine, no then,” Tom watched her sit down on her bed. 

“You shouldn’t be doing my script,” she stated, avoiding his gaze. 

He rushed to sit down, taking her hands. “No, hey—But hey I want to, I really want to make something incredibly cool—“

“You don’t even direct,” she pointed out and watched him. 

“I—Look, it’s my first time…. But Harry does, and I have vision and I am part of the story.” He took her hand.

“Tommy,” she whispered. 

“Y/N.”

“And I know this kind of thinking brought us to our doom but I can’t—what if something  bad happens?” She asked him. “you know Tom and y/n type of bad, our own particular way of screwing things up.” 

“It won’t happen.”

“But if it does?” She questioned. “And you try to get back at me with the script?”

“I promise I won’t.” 

“But you really have to promise it,” she pleaded. 

“I promise y/n.” 

She pulled her hand away from him and stood up, running her hands through her hair, stressed enough. 

“No, you don’t understand Tom, this is my dream,”she sounded stressed. “this is the biggest dream I’ve ever had and I finally got a shot and I… I guess I forgot about it last night because I… Because…”she stared at him again. “I—Because I’m an idiot…. and I was blinded by the moment, but I never really—“she gulped.”I need you to understand this, you can fuck me up, if you hate me, like I don’t know, okay? But don’t fuck up my dreams, if this is your plan, if it-“

“No,” he stopped her. “Y/N—“

“No, no, listen to me,” she seemed stressed. “I don’t care if—You, whatever happened in the last few months,” she sounded hurt now. “Whatever happened or…” 

The last few months? Tom was confused by that statement, whatever did she mean…. 

“Whatever happens… Just don’t fuck my script up, please. It’s my dream, and if you—“

“Y/N, I wouldn’t do that.” 

It hurt that she still believed Tom was only a weapon designed to destroy her. 

“No, I know, I know,” she cleared her throat. “I’m—sorry, I—It’s… we still have a lot going on.” 

Tom was angry then. Was she the one supposed to be angry? Wasn’t he the one supposed to doubt her? Because he didn’t. 

Not entirely. Only… he understood she did have some reason to be upset about the script. Though he wasn’t sure how to tell her that he stupidly thought it would be his way of making their paths cross again. He knew their breakup had been hard enough to deal with and adding being apart and going different ways wouldn’t help. So his stupid mind decided to make their ways cross. Though he thought he hadn’t had a chance for it, but—He found it so easily. And if he hadn’t called he was scared nobody else would. The project was risky and different and not—not something people would like to dive into. Less if she was a debut writer. 

But Tom didn’t want to tell her that. That had he not offered to be a director, there was barely any possibility of having it. He wouldn’t ruin it, no. Less now that he had actually had the chance to read the wonderful script she’d written. 

He’d judged it. Yes, the first pages were harsh to him but then—Then he realized it, the character growth, the development and the story and how, like y/n had said in her letter, they were supposed to fall in love. 

Though at times one may think that y/n—Valerie was supposed to end up with someone else, she couldn’t. It was Valerie and William. Tom and y/n.

“We’re not ready, Tom,” she whispered again. “And I know, how dare me to set back when I was the one to ask you to stay and the one to…” She cleared her throat.”To walk in the shower with you.” 

“Yeah, but it’s… It doesn’t mean we have to either take a step forward or backwards,” Tom said. “I don’t think-” 

“I know, I’m not saying not to acknowledge it, I mean,” she took a deep breath. “I mean what happened last night is just like our confirmation that yes, we still have… Well I still have feelings for you.” 

“And I have feelings for you.” 

“But,” she gulped. “I don’t think this whole… ‘Let’s make out and forget about it’ thing will work,” she pointed out. “We—look, I—Although I may be… although I am acting this way there’s a lot of things we need to talk about.” 

“I know.” 

“But…” 

Tom frowned. “But?” 

“Whatever happens while we are working on anything related to Dos a Dos we won’t give in okay? Not for good or bad,” she stated. 

“Alright.” 

“I’m talking about being strictly professional,” she continued. 

“Okay.” 

“No fighting,” she sounded cold. 

“I know.” 

“And also,” she coughed. “No flirting.” 

Tom chuckled. “Hm that’s gonna be hard.” 

She sighed. “So where are we going to go from this?” 

Tom stayed quiet. It was harder than he thought it would be. He hadn’t healed, not completely. Maybe he hadn’t realized it until then, how he had avoided his pain just to be with her, and now that they were standing on that point, he didn’t know where to go. Why was this so incredibly complicated? 

He looked around the room and stared at the flowers taped to her wall again, too familiar but he still didn’t get where from. Maybe the flowers only reminded him of y/n. 

“Where do we want to go from this?” Tom asked. 

“I don’t know,” she gulped. “And do we want to go together?” 

Tom looked at her again. “I… well, I… I hope? Or… don’t you want it?” 

Y/N nodded. “Yeah it’s just.” 

He feared whatever her next sentence would be. 

“It sounds,” she looked down. “It sounds like a whim but… And it sounds illogical, doesn’t it? You and I, how after everything we’re still willing to try it. We’re too stupid, and…” She chuckled dryly. “And you know, I’m crazy, and you’re… Too stubborn,” she gulped. “And I don’t know if I want it, you know? For us to fall down another time, and let our pride and our immaturity win over us again, you know? I don’t think either of us can afford another heartbreak.” 

Tom knew she was right. 

“It seems like we are sentenced to fail,” she sighed. “But then again I know that if we don’t try it, I won’t be able to…” She squinted and chuckled. “Dunno, but I know that if I dared to ask you, neither of us would be able to move on, right?” 

“I know I wouldn’t.” 

“And I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, and no cold showers would help to cool us down,” she conceited, making Tom chuckle, “and though it might be a mistake, it might be the best mistake I am willing to make.” 

Tom smiled, slightly and sadly. “Yeah,” he gulped. “And if we don’t I’ll be glued to the phone waiting for your call or trying to stop myself from calling you, but end up doing it anyway.” 

“That’s our problem, we’re always waiting for each other to make the first step and then we do take it, we both get scared,” she explained. “And though it makes no sense, and I really wished we both could either say yes or no, we both know it’s not simple.” 

“No,” He gulped. “But maybe it does have some logic to it.” 

“Hm?” 

“You and I, I mean,” he gulped. “I mean, no matter how hard we try, I’m always drawn back to you, and no matter how hard we’ve… I mean you always end up haunting my dreams.” 

“Haunting.” 

“Like a ghost,” he chuckled. “And though it makes no sense, I still feel that whole stupid and cliché thing, my heart beats the same way as yours.” 

“You’re so cheesy,” she blushed. 

He leaned to kiss her cheek. “I know, it’s disgusting.” 

She laughed. “Yes, you’re only giving me reasons to bully you.” 

“But I actually,” he smirked. “Those aren’t my words. I must admit I plagiarized them.” 

Y/N blinked watching him. “What?” 

“Well, not really, but I did,” he chuckled. “But I do remember a certain Valerie saying it, ‘my heart beats to the same rhythm as Will and maybe that’s why I can’t stay away from him’” 

Y/N instantly blushed. “Yeah, uh,” she coughed. “Yeah...Did she say that? Did-” She cleared her throat. 

“Oh, yes she did, she very much did and I’m not cutting that off the script,” he teased. “It’s-” 

“No,” she shook her head. “I--no” 

“Why are you embarrassed?” 

She chuckled. “Because it’s too cheesy.” 

“Please, y/n, we’ve all known you’re cheesy, I mean the whole boxes things, the songs, the magical moments, I mean the polaroids, please y/n all you is cheesy but with class and aesthetic, just look around your room, that vinyl over there…  the flowers hanging on your wall which-” Tom stopped. He realized it. Where he knew the dried flowers from. He knew exactly why they were so familiar. Tim’s instagram. He remembered the picture and the quote: ‘Morning Bloom’.  He gulped.

“Yeah, I know, I’m cheesy,” Y/N chuckled. 

But Tom barely heard her, he felt it. And… It could mean nothing. It could be nothing, of course. Tim loved photography and aesthetics and… It didn’t have to mean anything. It couldn’t, could it? But why had he been in her room? Was there a reason? He hated this. He felt a stab through his heart. It had to mean nothing. Right? He guessed he had to see how y/n reacted about it. It could be an old picture. But… it seemed to be the same flowers, but maybe y/n liked those and always changed them. 

He had to ask about it, he knew but not right now. He didn’t want to have that answer just yet. But he needed the answer, and he wouldn’t be able to continue but of course, ruining that moment and pull a ‘Tom’ and walk out angrily and not explain anything to her would be stupid. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes. But god, he wanted to. Fucking Tim. Of course now he thought the picture was probably a way to shove it on Tom’s face. But… 

“Tom?” She asked again, getting him out of his trance. 

He blinked. “Huh? Yeah.. Yeah.” He gulped. “What?” 

“I… asked if you were hungry?” 

“Ah, yeah, right. Yeah.” 

But he wasn’t, not after that sudden realization. 

Emma, two rooms away from there, felt stupid. The night before had been so blurry. And she hadn’t really realized how much seeing Harry hurt her. Y/N had tried to understand the situation. How did you get to sleep with Josh? 

Emma didn’t know, for that matter. How and what had led to that? Completely clueless. Of course Josh was attractive and he hadn’t hesitated on throwing his shot, especially because he’d probably been oblivious to the obvious tension Emma felt around Harry. Maybe Josh had chosen to ignore it. He had pointed out the tension between Tom and y/n, though. 

“This is weird, but do you guys know each other?” Josh had asked. “Or did y/n/n and Tom know each other?” 

“What gave it away?” Harry had laughed. 

“Oh, you know, the fact they went from undressing each other with a glance and then trying not to cry every time they had any eye contact.” 

But what about Harry and Emma? 

One of Emma’s strengths was hiding her real feelings. She was so good at avoiding it. Probably because she wanted everyone to believe she was a tough bitch who had her life in control. Even if she was tearing apart. 

Like she was the night before. That nerve wrecking heartache she was feeling all night each time she managed to look at Harry. She tried not to. Not a single word directed to him. 

Emma was hurt. 

Sometimes it bothered her that nobody could see how much she was drowning, as if she was seen just as a casualty from Tom and y/n. Everybody liked to forget she was hurting too. Not y/n, though. Y/N tried to get her to talk, and to talk about her feelings, and to mourn about it. She didn’t.

She couldn’t. 

Only person she had been able to open up completely to was Harry, and we know how that ended. Emma was struggling because she really wished she could be like y/n, so forgiving or so stupid. Stupid enough to sleep with Tom and forget her sorrow, that is. 

But Harry and her worked differently. Harry and her were talkers. Tom and y/n, according to y/n, barely liked to talk. Or that’s what y/n had said, in their short relationship, apparently, they were more...physical. And it seemed they still were. 

Emma was nobody to tell y/n what she couldn’t or could do. And Emma had known that y/n would end up sleeping with Tom the moment she saw them hold hands during the movies. 

Emma knew Tom was more about actions, for god’s sake no matter how stupid he was, he at least had already tried to talk to y/n, he had searched for her and he had, stupidly, of course, invited himself to the movies with them. Tom wasn’t playing. Maybe that’s why y/n was so dumbly smitten with him. If he wanted, he fought for it. The man didn’t think twice before doing something and sometimes it got him in trouble, but sometimes it didn’t, and well, it led him somewhere. At least he’d gotten laid. 

Emma was very much like Tom. And she knew y/n was very much like Harry, in a way. Emma, too, liked to get what she wanted. But the truth is, she didn’t know what she wanted. Of course, last night she’d finally gotten laid. Though she had been all the time claiming she would, she had never slept with anyone before. She’d always end up thinking about Harry. 

She didn’t know where she got it from, the guts to sleep with somebody else. Maybe it was her way of telling Harry that he’d have to fight for it, that hiding in the shadows and being shy wouldn’t get him anywhere. He needed to fight back for her. 

That’s what led her to sleep with Josh, she guessed. She had tried to see how far she could get flirting with Josh, trying to make Harry jealous until he exploded or did something. Emma wanted Harry to fight for her. 

He hadn’t. 

He had let Josh flirt with her and Emma flirt with him. Why was this so damn hard? Did he not want to fight for her? 

That was the single poisonous thought that had driven Emma to sleep with Josh. She hadn’t told that to y/n, of course. 

“I just needed to, y/n.” 

That was half-true. She did need to. But of course, she didn’t want to explain that to y/n. Not really. Especially because Emma knew that y/n was to Harry what Emma was to Tim. So if y/n had reserved herself a little from telling her about Tim, then Emma would reserve herself from telling her about Harry. 

Besides y/n’s choice to sleep with Tom was a thousand times more stupid than Emma’s choice. Emma had absolutely no feelings for this other guy and she was sure Josh didn’t feel anything either. It had just been one drunken one night stand. Nothing important. It didn’t matter. 

But she guessed y/n had some points to herself to brag about. Y/N didn’t regret her night. 

Emma had gone to take a quick shower, y/n had advised her to so Tom wouldn’t suspect a thing, and Emma would have to complain about them being loud, or whatever. 

Emma, all dressed up and cleaned and trying to put on some makeup to hide the fact she hadn’t slept at all, walked out with a towel wrapped on her head. She heard y/n’s laugh coming  from the kitchen. 

She walked closer… and Emma saw it. The way they looked at each other, so, so, so in love and she finally  understood y/n. Yes, she still thought she was an idiot but she understood it, and Emma was thankful Tim hadn’t been around to see it. 

The way they were staring at each other as if they were having their very last breath and didn’t mind at all, like telling the other: you’re worth it, you’re worth my last sunshine. It was so ridiculously romantic, Emma wouldn’t normally be a fan of that, but she felt butterflies just from watching them. Like when you’re watching a movie and see the lead romance and long for it. 

The way their laugh emerged into one and how they were trying to touch each other, not with lust but with curiosity. Not like one of those clingy couples you see on the street that are always glued to each other, no, Emma was even jealous of what they were having, hands so desperately trying to connect with each other. Magnetized skins. Not a single kiss, but it felt wrong watching them, they weren’t even touching in any compromising way. But they felt so intimate. 

Emma realized it then, why y/n was so confused. Because Emma remembered how Tim looked at y/n, too. What did that girl have that had those two idiotic men so mermerized with her? 

She didn’t blame y/n, no, she couldn’t. And Emma wished she’d seen the way Y/N looked at Tom before the engagement party incident. Then she wouldn’t have doubted her.  Because the way y/n was beaming and shining and glowing near Tom was incredible. She wouldn’t have doubted y/n. 

She’d doubted Harry, of course. That was the problem. Because why wouldn’t she doubt him? Even more now that she saw the way Tom was blown away by y/n. And how Tim was, too.

But when she saw Tom and y/n, she was reminded of her own love story, maybe the butterflies were caused because she recalled Harry, and staring into his eyes and smiling for no damn reason. Loving him for the sake of loving him. Giggling and having intimacy without even having to touch the other. 

It mirrored Emma and Harry, just as they had become engaged. Making breakfast together, music playing in the background, Harry placing a sweet kiss to her cheek, her feeling like she was in heaven. 

And she saw it now, the way y/n probably was in Cloud 9 as Tom said something to make her smile. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen her smile that way. Because she’d also seen y/n with Timmy, their chemistry was undeniable. It made no sense how she was seeing her now with Tom when just a few days before she’d seen her laughing with Tim, a loud laugh and a wide smile on her face, after he had said the most stupid comment, yet y/n was almost on the floor, both of them making the same stupid jokes to bother Emma. Timmy and y/n were basically the same person, it was even pathetic how stupidly alike they were. Everybody had said it, for a reason, Emma knew how perfect they were for each other. 

Emma had seen how Timmy was trying to flirt with y/n, he wasn’t subtle, and y/n did answer to his flirting from time to time. 

But Emma guessed that’s not really how love works, or was it? 

Emma could quite put her kind around y/n, but she understood why she didn’t let go off Tim either. 

But Emma also knew that to get that smile from y/n, Timmy had had to fight. While Tom only had to show up, so simply. 

Emma understood it, she wouldn’t let go off someone who made her feel...alive. Though that seemed stupid and cliché. But she’d seen a change just in two days y/n had… changed and felt. Y/N had cried, and yelled and now laughed. 

Maybe Emma wanted that, too. She knew she could feel with Harry. But… Harry probably had given up on her. Maybe Emma had to be like Tom, and make sure Harry felt something, too. 

“Morning, idiots,” Emma said before taking off the towel. “Thanks for not letting people sleep last night.” 

Tom jumped and quickly turned to see Emma. “Oh-- Hi, uh, I’m sorry.” 

Y/N only side-eyed her. 

Emma laughed. “So, you guys are a thing now?” She asked, and judging by both their reactions, she shouldn’t have. Both of them had only widened their eyes and panicked. “You know what, don’t answer that, but next time get… a hotel room or whatever.” 

Tom and y/n blushed, y/n even coughed. 

“I didn’t hear you come in,” Tom pointed out. “Sorry.” 

Emma rolled her eyes. “You guys were busy.” 

Tom blushed harder. “I’m… really sorry.” 

“No, don’t be, as long as I get some breakfast which--” Emma frowned. “Pancakes, huh, y/n?” 

Y/N looked up. “Yeah, what about it?” 

“You guys are totally cliché,” Emma rolled her eyes. 

Tom laughed. “It was my idea, sorry,” he shrugged. 

“And you didn’t complain, y/n?” Emma frowned. 

Y/N chuckled. “Why would I?” 

“Why would she? It’s her favorite food,” Tom chuckled. 

Emma smiled, slightly. Y/N was a mystery to her. 

“So, did you guys get any inspiration for the movie?” Emma asked. 

Y/N and Tom both watched her with surprise. 

“From Dirty Dancing, idiots,” Emma rolled her eyes. “You both really-” 

Tom chuckled. “Yeah,” he coughed. “I did, I did… Um, I need some 80’s songs, we, I’ve been thinking about it, the whole setlist for the dance and-” 

“That’s what you’ve been thinking about?” y/n frowned, laughing just slightly. “That?” 

Tom chuckled, and nudged her lightly. 

“Oh, please, but you guys shouldn’t have any trouble with that,” Emma commented. “Y/N here probably knows more about the 80’s than Madonna or George Michael themselves.” 

y/n chuckled nodding. “That might be true.” 

“Might be?” Tom rolled his eyes. “You know everything about the 80’s.” 

Emma grinned. “Besides, I know you, uh, okay, I might give you some ideas…” Emma bit her lip. “God, I know no 80’s songs, I know 70’s, that’s my thing, so if you guys ever need some 70’s advice, that’s my thing, but.. 80’s…” She gulped. “Uh, dunno, that catchy song um.. ‘I think We’re alone now’...” 

Both Tom and y/n once again were awkward. Could Emma say something without making them feel awkward? It was so weird and stupid. 

“Or not…” Emma finished. “But okay, so… thoughts on the script Tom, any big changes?” 

“I thought of changing the name, not going to lie,” he said. 

Y/N frowned. “Tom! What even to?” She nudged him.

“Dunno, the story of how y/n y/l/n broke Tom Holland’s heart and still has him wrapped around her finger,” Tom joked. 

“That’s a very stupid name, it wouldn’t be marketable,” Emma pointed out. “But we could change it to the script that changed all the Holland’s lives.” 

“It’s not catchy,” Y/N commented, she coughed. “I chose the name because its back to back in French, and it’s a dance step and it’s a-” 

“Metaphor, like everything you do,” Tom finished. 

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Not everything but… Yes, a metaphor and it’s a play on vis-a-vis which means face to face.” 

“Alright,” Tom grinned. 

“And dos in Spanish is… two.. so it’s just a play on words two.. To two…” Y/N coughed. 

“Alright, so I need to know more about the metaphors,” Tom grinned. “My brain is to dumb to get it.” 

“So... y/n, look I don’t want to ruin this adorableness or awkwardness you guys have but you’re meeting cast today and I don’t want you to be late, so, I need you both to get going, and stop being adorable, it makes me sick, and please Thomas, go get some clothes, don’t show up shirtless with the cast.” 

Eventually Tom had left, and Emma had seen them both hesitate when it came to y/n saying goodbye to him. He did kiss her before he left. 

Which left Emma and y/n alone to deal with the conversation, except y/n hadn’t stayed there, she had rushed to get ready. Leaving Emma alone with her thoughts again. 

But she didn’t even have the time for it before her phone rang. 

“Timothée,” she answered. “Why are you bothering me so early in the morning?” 

He chuckled from the other side of the line. “You’re so nice to have as a best friend.” 

“I’m a delight, I know,” she sighed. “So.” 

“So you slept with Josh?” Tim asked. 

“Oh, so you’re calling for that,” Emma coughed. “Thought you were going to ask about y/n first, that’s what you usually do.” 

Tim gulped. “I don’t.” 

“You know you do,” Emma sighed. “But yes, I slept with Josh, big deal.”

“You’re avoiding your feelings again,” he pointed out. “So do you want to talk about that, maybe?” 

“No, I don’t,” Emma coughed. “Look, I freaked out and... Josh was flirting and then Harry did nothing to impede it and-” 

“There it is,” Timmy sighed. “So you slept with someone to feel like you were liked huh?” 

It seemed that a lot of people did that. Sleeping with someone because they felt like shit. 

“You really can’t judge me, huh, you’re one to sleep with your exes when you know they’re-” She didn’t finish her sentence. It was too cruel to say it, and Tim was her best friend and he didn’t deserve that. 

“They’re in love with someone else, yeah,” Tim coughed. “I know.”

“Well, what did you realize? Or did you only call to judge my actions?” 

“No,” Timmy said. “I’m sorry, I want to help you out but seriously Emma you can’t keep avoiding it.” 

“And you can’t avoid it, either, Tim, you are avoiding what’s actually happening and you haven’t tried to address it.” 

“What do you want me to address?” Tim asked. 

“Oh, piss off and ask away, I know you want to.” 

Timmy stayed quiet for a bit, but then took the guts to ask her. “Has y/n talked to Tom?” 

Could Emma tell him? Did she have to tell him? It was none of her business but at the same time she knew it was. It kind of was. Emma guessed y/n was too worried on what to do with Tom that she’d forgotten that she’d kind of given hope to Tim. 

Did she have to tell Tim? Because she didn’t want him to be hurt, but he would be, anyways. 

“They’ve talked, and I mean, he went out with us last night so...” Emma started, deciding on the way what she had to tell him. “You know how it is.” 

Tim gulped. “I love her.” 

“That’s your big realization?” Emma asked. “That’s not news.” 

“No,” Tim sighed. “I just… We talked that night.” 

“Oh, you did?” Emma frowned. 

“Yes,” Tim coughed. “And--” 

“What?” 

“Well, she did say she would always be in love with me,” Tim said. “And...Well, it’s weird, okay? She said I had been the only man she’d ever fallen in love with.” 

That wasn’t true. Emma frowned. “But-” 

“Besides Tom,” Tim finished. “And that she… She didn’t believe that her and Tom could work out, that deep in her heart she didn’t believe they could work out, and that she was scared and-” 

“Tim, look, I….” Emma didn’t know how to tell him. Because she had seen y/n and y/n was so in love with Tom. It was so obvious. 

“I look, I know, I know she’s too blinded by Tom right now, but look, she was in love with him before she dated me, and I still… Like, I just need her to see that he’s not the right choice, you know? That sure, whatever, she always wanted to kiss him, but that’s not… Not what love is, you know? It’s about a deeper connection, and we… We had that, even that night, we were both so entranced with the moment, and it wasn’t…I just need a chance to prove her, you know?” 

Emma didn’t know what to tell him. Because she guessed that’s what y/n liked. Someone to have some initiative, after all, that’s why Y/N had dated Timmy in the end because he had fought for her. 

Which drove Emma insane, because why didn’t Harry have it? Why was Harry the one to wait around and do nothing? It made no sense. Because Emma needed him to, and y/n needed both of them to back away to have some time to herself. It was ironic, even. 

Harry. Harry. Harry. He had left early in the night after he’d given up with Emma ignoring him. Yes, she had been harsh on him by ignoring him, probably. But did she have any other choice? She had been heartbroken, he had basically told her: I won’t be able to be happy because you’re not her. 

It drove Emma insane. So, so insane. And sad. 

“Yeah, fight for her,” Emma sighed. “Anyway… I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow…?” 

“Tonight, I’m coming home tonight.” 

Was Emma too proud? But she wouldn’t beg Harry, she wasn’t one to beg, no, no. And she wasn’t the one supposed to beg, was she? Emma was fierce and strong. 

And she had avoided Josh at all cost when they arrived at the studio. He had said hello but Emma had decided to follow y/n around instead.  The cast would be there later, and Emma was thrilled. So was y/n. She thought she’d see y/n all over Tom, kissing again, but their attitude had changed back to the same cold attitude from the day before. Well, to everyone else, but Emma had noticed their glancing. Tom staring at her. 

Emma didn’t look at Harry, but she did feel his staring. Harry was so stupid. Why didn’t he try to… say anything? He had said hello, and asked how she was doing but that was it. 

“But okay, we have to--” Tom gulped. Y/N and him were talking about the script, as if no trace of their night before. “I mean, each song needs to… We need a choreographer but for sure we have to decide the songs, I mean you have some here but I think we can… Build more from it you know?” 

“Yeah, I mean dancing is,” Harry coughed. “But we saw it last night in Dirty Dancing, though, how like… They build up from it.” 

“Of course, but I think, look, the songs we choose really have to be... “ She gulped. “Like okay, there’s Valerie who’s friends with Robbie and they have this… Like the music she listens to while with each of them is different. But there’s like two Valerie’s.” 

“The one who she is with William and the one with Teddy or Harry” Tom nodded. 

Y/N bit her lip. “Yeah, in a way, look, uh, the music,” y/n said. “It’s got to have different tones, like different 80’s songs, Valerie, as we know, likes to listen to Rock n’ Roll, and…Robbie does, too. And well, both William and Robbie are somehow into music, you know?” William with his dancing and Robbie with his band.” 

“But Robbie is rock n’ roll and William is… well,” Harry commented. “Of course, but music with William is-”

“Chaotic,” y/n added. “No, but the songs that we want to associate with William is the one they dance to, together.” 

“Yeah, and y/n by her own has to have her own songs, you know?” Y/N commented. “And… then we have Teddy who is the outsider, the poet, who showed Valerie other forms of expressing herself… you know? Look the script starts with Valerie’s heartbreak, and then Teddy comes in, and she decides to dance again, you know, cheerful music, she starts so somber and then-” 

“Okay but we could-- I mean, just an idea,” Harry coughed. “You wrote her Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” he commented. “I mean it’s Auli’i and Jordan… They both sing, so maybe…” 

“I think I know where you’re going,” she smirked. “That would be cool.” 

“So instead of dancing, they sing?” Tom said. “Yeah, better, only singing ” 

“But they have to dance,” y/n commented. 

Tom frowned. “Yeah but-- It’s better if the only one she dances with is William.” 

“But she dances with Teddy, too,” Emma frowned as she finally chipped in. She knew where y/n had wanted to go with the script and these two men were too stupid to understand it. “It’s  Valerie who wanted to be a dancer and always danced by herself but stopped trying to pursue the dream after her heart is broken, and then Teddy, though he’s not a dancer, they dance together clumsily because…” 

“What?” Tom frowned. 

“Please, it’s like in Dirty Dancing, right?” Emma said. 

Tom blinked. “Dirty Dancing? But I don’t-” 

“Didn’t you get it from last night?” Emma wondered. “What the dancing is meant to represent?” 

Y/N coughed, awkwardly. 

Emma thought it was too simple to understand, knowing y/n’s story, it was so simply to deduce it. 

Yet, Harry and Tom were both watching the girls with confusion. Emma chuckled. “Okay, so Dirty Dancing is a coming of age film… Baby is embracing her sexuality,” Emma explained. “Even in the beginning she’s…Unexperienced, alright? The only dancing she initially knows is the dumb merengue lessons, and when she first dances it’s… Dumb and she doesn’t know how to, and then she’s exposed to the dirty dancing, which is exposing her to the sexuality, alright?” 

Tom closed his eyes and chuckled. “What but this is-”

“Throughout the film,” Emma continued. “We see Baby exploring her physicality through dancing, and it’s not about sex, it’s about her discovering her womanhood, and her being fine with it, and it’s such a nice point of view to see the film, it’s through the woman’s gaze, you know? Because we see Johnny as the sex appeal, not her, you as the viewer are growing with her… she’s getting confidence over her body, and--She explores it while partnering with Johnny Castle, and how he’s experienced and she learns it from another woman, too, you know, like she’s being transferred her knowledge, and in their first dance, Baby’s developing sexual and romantic feelings towards Johnny- and it represents--” 

Tom chuckled awkwardly again. “But okay, that’s Dirty Dancing, this is not--” Tom chuckled. “I mean I’m sure the dancing means-” 

Y/N and Emma were not moving. Emma thought they had understood it. 

“I mean,” y/n was shaking now. “Okay, well, you obviously know how the first dance scene with William and Valerie… first they don’t, though they want to... they just don’t dance together and keep screwing up.” 

“Yeah?” Harry was so confused. 

“And Valerie doesn’t feel comfortable dancing,” Emma continued, knowing y/n was too embarrassed to explain it to the boys. “And…then she dances with Teddy, and she’s cool, but--” 

“I don’t get it-” Harry said. 

But Emma was sure Tom had understood it by then. But it seemed that it had bothered him. 

“But--” Tom chipped in. “So the only two people Valerie ever danced with are William and Teddy? And...Teddy was the first person she danced with?” 

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[makokoa]

Makoto Naegi, did it hurt when you...?

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC

So I listened to the songs "I Am Not A Robot” - Marina and the Diamonds, and “Human” - Krewella. They really resonated with me and the way that I perceive Makoto Naegi. I want to discuss the suffering he endured during the Killing Game: the obvious, the overlooked, the underrepresented.

Times that Makoto has fallen unconscious in the game:

When Mondo punched him for trying to diffuse the tension between him and Byakuya. “S-Stop it! We shouldn’t fight!”

When he discovered Sayaka’s corpse and fainted from shock.

Post 3rd Trial: When the Masked Assailant struck him from behind when he was looking at a file in the secret room.

After plummeting down the garbage pit following his averted execution.

Makoto found Sayaka’s corpse in his shower. In the anime it’s shown that this didn’t completely deter him from showering later. His room itself was a murder scene but he still had the will to return to it repeatedly. Yes, Monokuma cleaned it up “like the whole thing... never happened” but that certainly wouldn’t get rid of the permanently stained atmosphere in there... It’s subtle but this shows part of the resolve he made after the 1st Trial to “never forget the memories of his deceased friends and carry them forever”. That being said, I wouldn’t criticize him if he wanted to use the public bathhouse instead if the memories overwhelmed him.

Kyoko was the one who tipped him off about there being a revolving wall in the storage closet of the boy’s bathroom. Turned out she used him to test how the Mastermind would react to someone entering and how significant the files and documents she read were. She knew he would likely get attacked and reasoned that he could “handle that kind of thing”.

The pipe striking the back of his head gave him a headache that blurred his vision and made him briefly collapse from physical exertion on his way back to his room. Though this allowed him to hear sounds from the gym nearby which he investigated and found Sakura fighting Monokuma.

Makoto’s fever only lasted for one night. So nobody noticed besides the two people who decided to pay him a visit. The hazy dream/drifting awake sequence seemed to have been made to sow confusion in us viewers and make it so he would have no alibi for the 5th Trial. Though the fever didn’t spontaneously happen. He started off the morning with his body feeling heavy and his condition gradually worsened over the course of the day (though he could still do Free Time Events unbothered) until peaking at night. So he didn’t feel the need to tell anyone that he was sick. He decided not to worry anyone and bore it alone.

Moving on, let’s talk about Makoto Naegi’s execution from the rigged 5th Trial. He was saved by Alter Ego from being crushed into a bloody paste but ended up falling upside-down from a dangerous height. Even if he reoriented himself in midair, he would still land on his back at best. So he was lucky enough to be cushioned by the softest piles of trash to suffer no injuries at all. Also the desk and chair fell away from him somehow so he didn’t hit his head on them or immediately suffer a second impact after a harsh fall.

Makoto must secretly be the Ultimate Lucky Cat for somehow getting out of that mostly unscathed. No head injury since he could still think clearly, was able to stand and walk around to observe his surroundings, climbed a flight of stairs AND a ladder without any assistance or difficulty. He came out of that much better off than when he got a debilitating injury from being whacked in the back of his head.

The writers really underplayed the severity of his situation. His first thought upon waking up after fainting didn’t involve him freaking out about almost dying or being so relieved that he survived. No, it was about how his friend, Alter Ego, used the last of his strength to save him and how he couldn’t give up in honor of his sacrifice (though I approve of how he considers Alter Ego a friend/person).

That’s such a mood whiplash from how during the end of the 5th Trial, he was panicking over Monokuma cutting it short before they could reach a proper conclusion. His anguished cries over how everyone voted him as the culprit. Even though Monokuma left them with no other choice, the betrayal still stung.

Remember in the 1st Trial that Makoto was the prime suspect? Everyone had already decided he was guilty during the investigation. They immediately shot down his attempts to defend himself. It’s like that all over again but with Monokuma talking over him instead.

You would think he would harbor some resentment towards his friends but he has never lost sight of who their true enemy was. Could seeing several corpses and executions have desensitized him to the point where even his own near-death experiences didn’t bother him? I find it more likely that the writers just chose not to acknowledge this.

Instead, they rushed him into instant full recovery so that he could immediately investigate for clues and take part in the Final Trial. At least he got some rest in the garbage pit but he didn’t even get the opportunity to take a bath (neither did Kyoko who literally put herself in a bag of trash to rescue Makoto) so now I’m just imagining how he restored Hope in everyone and defeated Junko... while smelling like garbage. The Survivors immediately made a beeline for the exit after that so the writers really didn’t want Makoto to take a bath or, you know, have him talk or think about his feelings as a person.

You could mistake endgame Makoto as a robot considering how the writers didn’t give a damn about his emotions or overworking his body and mind. His dial was turned so that it skipped over distress straight to optimistic. Because the Ultimate Hope can’t show any weakness, right? Because he, himself, doesn’t matter so long as he fulfills his role of bringing people back from Despair. “After all, the fact that I can keep going forward is about all I'm good at...”

Even though he was physically and emotionally injured, Makoto forced himself forward. After the energy from his determination to end the Killing Game ran out, I believe he crashed hard and got another fever. All his friends helped to nurse him back to health because, you know what? He deserves the love and care that even his own creators neglected to properly provide him.

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 76: Interlocking Horns

Chapters: 76/?

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: pg

Relationships: Loki x Reader

Characters: Loki (Marvel),

Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Culture Clash Imminent, Protective Dad

Summary:  You and your father discuss your living situation, and you mull over your thoughts on Buridag.

Loki was agitated when he lay beside you that night. You'd spent most of the evening showing Tara and your father around to all the places you spent your time. The library, the training grounds, the courtyards, the banquet halls, the common rooms, and even the throne room, which was empty at the time. Over dinner, you told sanitized versions of your adventures; the battle with the Huldra and the Frost Giant, The magical illusion lessons, and the magic you were also capable of, how you had exploded a plate, and met the legendary Sleipnir, whom Tara demanded to see as soon as possible. You showed them your knife, and told them about your armor, and your glorious helmet.

Your father was not terribly impressed by the food. “Not enough seasonings.” he declared, and you told him about the time you'd pranked Loki by putting chili pepper in his meal. He got a good laugh out of your description of the composed prince turning purple, and trying to pretend to all onlookers that everything was just fine.

“Hope he didn't get mad at you.” Tara said.

“Nah. The thing about Loki is that he actually appreciates it when you get the best of him. He likes getting legitimately got. I get the feeling he had to deal with a lot of sycophants growing up, while at the same time being overshadowed in everything he did. Loki can sense lies, did you know that? He can just tell when you're lying. Imagine growing up surrounded by people who don't even like you, but will constantly lie to your face about it. And keep doing it even after they know you can tell they're lying. And they're still doing it! It's wild! Some of these aristocrats are stupidly bigoted, and they keep trying to fool Thor or Loki into making laws that exclude humans from things, but both of them have personal reasons not to do that, as well as political reasons. I mean, there's seven billion of us, we're not gonna be excluded from anything on this planet, and it's ludicrous to even try. But I guess they've been at this for so long, that they can't even think of doing things any differently.

That's part of where I come in. Loki says I represent an inevitability. That humans like us will come to be a part of Asgard, just like the Vanir and Alfar did before us. Some of these nobles want to put that off as long as possible, but I think Loki and Thor are right; better get that integration started early.”

“Then why is there only you?” your father pointed out, “Why not integrate more humans in a group? Why not those people in the weird lodges outside the city?”

“Couple reasons.” you said, “first off, I think they wanted to make sure humans and Asgardians could be culturally compatible. Like, that we could stand to live with one another.”

“Yeah, saw some of that cultural compatibility just a little while ago.” your father grumbled.

“We used to do stuff like that too, you know. And until recently, too. I think there's still some places that do dowries and such, just not us. But if you think about it, Asgardians live to be thousands of years old, and they used to visit Earth a lot. There was cultural exchange for sure. It's just that we change and evolve culturally at the speed of light compared to them. He really should have asked me about it though, I coulda told him it didn't work that way. He does love surprises, and he wants to preserve his culture, but we could have at least discussed it.”

“You discuss things with him? And he listens?”

“Sometimes. That's a part of my job too; advising, on human matters especially. That's why he should have asked, but I think he just really wanted to impress you.”

Your father rolled his eyes. You sighed. This was going to be difficult.

“Dad, this is so important. Doing this for me is unprecedented. I know it doesn't look like it, but we've been working hard, and dealing with some tough situations, but we've come through them all, and kept going. He's proud of me, I'm proud of me, and I am okay with my life here. I'm happy with it even. I miss you, and I know you miss me, but I like my work here.”

“You've almost died three times! In one year! Three times! Keeping you alive is the most basic possible thing, and he's almost failed three times!” he exclaimed.

“His only fault is not seeing the future, then!” You exclaimed back. “Who could predict that a crazy man would come all the way out here to try and assassinate literally anyone he saw? Who could expect that one of their own people would be so monumentally stupid as to hit me right in front of him? Why would anyone ever think that there were giants sleeping under our feet for a thousand years? How could anyone plan for any of that?”

“You're starting to talk like them, you know.” Tara pointed out. “You're picking up the accent. Your vocabulary's changed.”

“I've been studying a lot. I hadn't noticed the accent though. Is it very obvious?”

“Eh, it's no big deal. If you'd just moved here on your own, you'd probably sound kinda Icelandic anyway. I just think it's cute, you sounding like all these high-falutin', fancy alien folks.”

You wanted to thank her. For years and years, when you and your father had started arguing, she would brazenly interrupt with something completely off topic, and completely derail the dispute. Your father was as passionate an individual as you were, which was probably where you got it in the first place, but Tara had always known when to interject.

“The point is,” you said, much more calmly, “is that the world has gotten weird. And since I've been studying, I've been finding out that it was weird in the past too. We've just been coasting by on a short period of relative calm, but it's not going to last forever. In fact, it's over. There is an entire alien species  living on Earth now. Nobody has to like them, but they are here. Loki can't demand forgiveness, and he's told me he's prepared to accept that there may be people who never accept him, no matter what he does. But he is doing things. He's doing good for his people; he knows how to do that. He's trying to do his best by me, and I'm helping him to know how to do that. I clearly need to communicate with him a bit more about that. He doesn't have to do any of this, but he chose to. From the beginning, he chose to do this. I mean, don't get me wrong, he sucked at it in the beginning; he had no idea what he was doing.  He was kind of an overbearing creep, and when I got hurt the first time, I swear, he was inches away from locking me away in a closet somewhere so no one else could hurt me.”

Your father raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he totally freaked out. I had to convince him that there was no way he could protect me from everything, but he sure wanted to. I wasn't gonna let that happen though. Maybe I can't leave, but I haven't let this place become a prison either.”

“Baby girl, I'm proud of you, don't ever think I'm not, but a father really never cares for a man who takes his daughter away.” your father said, “I don't think he deserves your defense. But you seem happy, and that's what I'm supposed to care most about right? I'm not gonna be his friend, but I'm not gonna cause trouble while I'm here, for your sake, and also because I gotta represent humanity, right? I love you, and I'm not trying to ride your case, I just don't like that guy. I'm not as forgiving as you are. But I'm not gonna get into a public fight with him or anything.”

“Thanks. And hey, I'm not gonna demand that you be friends with all my friends, I just have a really big day looming over me, and I'm already stressed. But, like, if you have any questions, now is probably the best time.”

“Oh, I got a few!” Tara said. “What actually is wrong with you?”

“Uh, loaded question.”

“No, no. I mean, yeah, but no. I mean, you said these guys were taking care of your medical problems, but you never actually said what they were. Have they figured out what's going on?”

“Ehhh, kinda. It's not exactly a medical problem. It's this.” You held out your hand, showing the mark. “You know how we couldn't figure out what caused this? It's magical in nature.”

“You told me you got drunk and got a tattoo!” your father accused.

“What was I supposed to say? I didn't know what had happened at the time! I didn't even know it was Loki I had grabbed, I didn't find that out until later. Tara saw: I took his hand to get his attention, and this shape burned into my palm. It did the same to him, I found out. It made us both sick. But when we're close together, we heal. Even when I got hurt, being close heals me faster. This is also what woke up my magic. It was always there, but this was what made it accessible. The whole thing is just magic. The only thing we don't really know is why it happened.”

“Magic. It's so weird.” your father said. “It just doesn't make any sense. What is magic? How do you do it?”

“It's a kind of energy manipulation. Like electricity or solar power, but it's less generalized. Like, some things are actual spells that always work the same way, but I haven't learned much of that yet. Gotta get my specific magic under control first. I'm getting pretty good at it. I do it by...well, it feels a certain way. So I concentrate on feeling like that...”

A bowl of apples disappeared from the end of the table, and reappeared in your hands. Both Tara and your father leaned away in surprise as you set the bowl back on the table.

“I move things from one place to another. I don't know the upper limit on size or distance yet. Maybe someday I will move mountains.”

“Does that scare you?” your father asked. “All this magic stuff?”

“Sometimes. It's so strange to think that it's me doing this, and not some woman in a book, or a movie. That it's really real. Even after everything that's happened over the past few years, it's still hard to really understand that all this is real. That every single person you've seen here is hundreds of years older than you, and was born light years away, in space, on a whole other world. That they have millions of years of history that I'm learning about. Some of these people remember a time before the language we are speaking even existed.”

“That's freaky.” Tara said.

“Don't I know it. But somehow, they manage to live in the moment in a way I find kinda enviable. They're looking to the future, but they aren't worried about it like I used to be. It's so liberating not to have to worry about that. About rent, or healthcare, or who's gonna take care of me when I get old, or if I'm even gonna get old. All of that has been lifted off of me, and I'm free to study and learn, and be something unique, and I actually really like it.”

“I'm glad for you.” Tara said. “So who's your tailor?”

You giggled. “I'm super fashionable, for someone a thousand years ago, aren't I? This isn't actually Asgardian fashion, exactly. It's more of a fusion. Isn't it fancy?”

“It's freakin' gorgeous. Is it some kind of uniform?”

“It didn't start out that way, but it sorta became that. The seamstresses hadn't visited Earth in like, a thousand years, so all the illustrations and memories they had were from then or before. So at first they thought that must be how I was supposed to be dressed, and then it just became my signature. It's really comfy, and pretty, and most importantly, it's warm. I mean, I know the place is called Iceland, but I was still surprised at how cold it gets. If you want, I bet I could get you some.”

Tara went to bed happy, and your father went to bed grumpy, but quiet. Then you went to bed, and Loki slunk under the thick blankets with you, holding you uneasily.

He got like this occasionally, cradling you as if he feared you would disappear in the night. It wasn't any real surprise, when you thought about some of the things he'd been through, the abandonment, the loss. You knew he wasn't, and would never be perfect, but you were still prepared to defend him to all comers. You weren't going to vanish from his arms, but you'd probably have to prove it every night. You could do that. You were more than willing to; there hadn't been another man in your life that had made you feel so safe and comfortable when sleeping, and you wanted to keep that feeling.

Tomorrow was the first day of Buridag festivities. Loki said it would start out with a parade that would lead to the site of the new courthouse. There would be traditional poetry and song, and everyone would perform the building task that had been assigned to them weeks ago. Then there would be the First Feast; a meal composed of worker's foods, prettied up for the nobles palettes. You'd seen the menu; it was grain salads and porridges, hearty soups and rustic breads with eggs, jams, young cheeses, winter vegetables, dried fruit, and herbs and spices in approximation with traditional Asgardian flavors. It was a reminder that, in Buri's day, Asgard's prosperity had not been assured, and many of the working class had to make do with rougher fare. Supposedly, the First Feast was meant to rebuke those who took workers for granted, and remind everyone whose hands had built their world.

Personally you thought that was a little patronizing, but you also didn't come from a monarchical culture. Perhaps this was something like an Asgardian Saturnalia, a festival of transformation. A celebration of something being built from nothing, Asgard being built by Asgardian hands.

And yours. Loki and Thor would be laying the foundations and blessing them with some of their more ephemeral power, the thing that awoke the primordial fear in you, made you instinctively cower and search for a tree to hide in when Loki became truly angry. The power that was beyond magic, that reached into the divine.

You, however, had been assigned a brick. It was a decorative brick, that would line a window, and it lay in a stack of other window-bricks at the site. Just one piece of a huge community project. You rather liked that. You knew for sure that the aristocracy did not engage with the common Asgardian nearly often enough before the tragedy of Ragnarok, but now both Loki and Thor went out among their people often, nobles and commoners mingled every day, and the community was becoming less and less divided. There were people who resisted that, of course. People who wanted to claw back every ounce of their perceived power, who tried to pass deliberately discriminatory legislation, people who simply hadn't yet come to accept that their lives had changed.

You were change. Loki was very approving about it. You represented the New, the Necessary Change, the Social Upheaval that led to a Bright Future. You couldn't help but wonder if that was too big for you to carry all by yourself. On the one hand, you weren't exactly alone; Loki was beside you all the way, Andsvarr, Saldis and the Valkyries supported you, even down to the twins. Saga, and even the strange Lofn approved of you.

On the other hand, your father was right; you were still the only human who actually lived here. The first and only human with Asgardian citizenship. A trial run, essentially alone, to see if you, as a stand-in for all humankind, could make it. It was heavy.

But you were doing it. In a little less than a year, you had learned a great deal of Asgardian history and law, had helped actual royalty with things like resource management and policy reform, learned knifework, learned actual magic! You had met several of Earth's greatest heroes, were going to be titled, were becoming a liaison between Asgard and the human settlements growing next door. You had learned some Asgardian, become a prince's lover, and even learned how to play a drum. You yourself were becoming something new. Embodying the Necessary Change.

And maybe that was what you had needed in the first place. For so long, it seemed like you had been trying to let go of an old self, let go of everything you'd gone through. Shed your old skin and emerge, clean and soft into the light of a new day. And so you were. You just hadn't realized that once you started, it would happen again and again, skin after skin, quivering and raw. But you felt new. Despite the pressure, you felt new.

[ginmo]

Telegraphing vs. Foreshadowing. 

“Telegraphing is giving away too much, too soon, thereby ruining the suspense, or the impact of the event.

When you foreshadow, the reader usually doesn’t notice it when they initially read it. But later they might have an “aha” moment, remember it, and put two and two together. Often foreshadowing can’t even be detected until someone reads your novel for a second time. It’s that subtle.

But telegraphing works the opposite. The reader notices the telegraphing detail, groans, and predicts what’s going to happen. It takes the fun out of reading a novel. Envision the important event, or piece of information that your reader’s going to learn, like a balloon. Telegraphing is like letting some of the air out of the balloon ahead of time, so when the time comes for the “pop” you get a fizzle instead.” [x]

The two Mr. “Themes Are For 8th Graders” are horrible at telling the difference between telegraphing and foreshadowing. The show has both, but that’s because they treat them as the same and can’t tell them apart. My favorite example:

Jaime S5: I want to die in the arms of the woman I love.

Jaime S8: Dies, lovingly, in the arms of the woman he was surface level referring to.

Proper foreshadowing would have been Jaime dying (in battle or of old age) in the arms of the woman he loved, but the woman being someone different than he and the surface viewers had in mind at the moment he had made the comment. Foreshadowing involves subtext and subtlety, not straight up spoiling the fucking death. 

As for the books, literally every popular (red flag right there) Jaime and Cersei prediction for their endgame is an example of telegraphing. Their predictions stem 100% from what's written right on the page, zero subtext, interpreting it as is. 

Jaime believes he’ll only ever love Cersei, so Jaime will only ever love Cersei. 

Cersei believes Jaime will always be devoted to her, so Jaime will always be devoted to her.

Brienne doesn’t think love is an option for her, so love will never be an option for her.

Westeros and surface readers think Jaime is dishonorable trash, so he will start and end as dishonorable trash.

The twins believe they will die together, no matter what, so they will die together. Since they came into the world together they obviously will go out together. 

This quote from GRRM is pretty fucking telling.

“There’s an element of sociopathy to it, where it’s the two of us and no one else really counts, especially outside their family. They’re twins, they were born together, they have a feeling that they’re going to die together. There’s this bonding that they’re two halves of a whole, so who else would they pair with? Anything else is lesser.” [x]

The hilarious thing about this is some people view this as GRRM confirming that anything is lesser and that they will die together which... is... telegraphing LMAO. Why am I not surprised they take every fucking thing at face value. 

I’m going to quote @jaimetheexplorer, because she explained the entire GRRM quote wonderfully

“ GRRM is careful to specify that that’s a feeling they have, it’s not a truth. He might obviously be avoiding spoilers, but I think there’s more to it than that, in the sense that he is using that belief of theirs as an example of the level of unhealthy obsession and delusion in their relationship. This is the point at which their story begins; the point at which they buy into this notion that they’re two halves of a whole and the only ones who matter. I already discussed in part 1 about narrative arcs, how perhaps the main part of Jaime and Cersei’s story is about discovering that they’re not two halves of a whole, and set off on opposite journeys. Indeed, Jaime’s quote comes from early on in his POV, before he returns to King’s Landing and his disillusion with Cersei begins to set in. And GRRM is indeed raising a question that will be addressed later, as their story unfolds: “who else would they pair with?”. Of course, at the beginning of their story, the answer is nobody because “anything else is lesser”, but will that still be the answer in the future? (6’3” hint - probably not).“

I’m going to do a checklist here: 

[x] Nobody else matters (someone else matters)

He already began slowly and subtly addressing this. “no one else really counts, especially outside their family.” Brienne, someone outside the family, is stepping into a position where Jaime believes she counts. He punched her former betrothed, because the dude made fun of her. Jaime then sent him to the other side of Westeros, so he didn’t have to look at him. He literally views her as his protector. He left Cersei to die and then ran off to follow Brienne in their mission to help Sansa, another person outside the family. 

________________________________________________

[x] Two halves of a whole (as the story progresses they’re finding out they’re more different than they thought)

How could I ever have loved that wretched creature? she wondered after he had gone. He was your twin, your shadow, your other half, another voice whispered. Once, perhaps, she thought. No longer. He has become a stranger to me. - CERSEI, AFFC

I thought that I was the Warrior and Cersei was the Maid, but all the time she was the Stranger, hiding her true face from my gaze. - JAIME, AFFC

________________________________________________

[x] Die together (the feeling dissipating/not telegraphing)

He even destroyed the “They’re twins, they have a feeling that they’re going to die together.” Keep in mind that they believe they’re dying together, no matter what, precisely because they’re twins.“They’re twins" starts the sentence. They literally think they’re dying together because they’re intertwined, that they can never be separated, that they’re going out at the same time because of that forever twin bond they’re tied to one another. That’s it. Good or bad (murder/suicide) doesn’t matter. Again,twins, so context doesn’t matter.

That “feeling” is also starting to go away when the realization starts to set in that they aren’t as similar as they had thought (therefore not two halves of a whole. Hello separation theme, which means dying together defeats the point). Jaime abandoned Cersei to her death and then, when thinking about going back to KL, he’s all “meh, she may already be dead idk.” That feeling seems to be dissipating on Jaime’s end. 

Hm. Sounds like chipping away at the telegraphing by story and character progression.

Oh.. oh... and what’s next???

________________________________________________

[x] Who else would they pair with? Anything else is lesser (falls in love and pairs with another woman) 

IDK GRRM WILL ONE OF THEM PAIR WITH ANOTHER?? LMAO HOW ABOUT NO BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN CONSTANTLY SAYING THAT CERSEI DOESN’T THINK SO AND THEY’VE THOUGHT FROM THE BEGINNING THAT THEY WERE INSEPARABLE SO OBVIOUSLY NO  

WHO WOULD THIS OTHER PERSON EVEN BE???? IDK MAN 

a woman.”

“A woman?” Cersei stared at him, uncomprehending. “What woman? Why? Where did they go?”

“No one knows. We’ve had no further word of him. The woman may have been the Evenstar’s daughter, Lady Brienne.”

Her. The queen remembered the Maid of Tarth, a huge, ugly, shambling thing who dressed in man’s mail. Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature. My raven never reached him, elsewise he would have come. - CERSEI, AFFC

BTW I put that quote in almost everything I write since it’s one of my favorites because lmfao dude what a beautiful moment 

So like, call me crazy, but if we’re talking foreshadowing instead of telegraphing here, then I think it’s maybe the woman who doesn’t believe love is available to her, the same woman who Cersei believes Jaime would never abandon her for because superficial looks. 

AND according to his editor: 

...it is easier to tell when he’s overplaying a hand and revealing things too early if you don’t actually know going in what will happen. That said, now that I’ve realized his three-fold revelation strategy, I see it in play almost every time. The first, subtle hint for the really astute readers, followed later by the more blatant hint for the less attentive, followed by just spelling it out for everyone else. It’s a brilliant strategy, and highly effective

Yeah, okay, he’s telegraphing. 

[panharmonium]

more rambling re: that last post (+ the merlin/will fic survey overview)

because i generally refrain from reading fic while i’m actively writing for a fandom, the only real ao3 reading i have done for merlin is my survey of the merlin/will ship tag.  and the only reason i undertook that survey in the first place is because while i was doing an introductory cruise of the various merlin tags during my first exploration of the fandom (after i finally finished S5 and was able to start looking into fandom dynamics without fearing spoilers), i noticed that a LOT of the fic tagged with this ship was also tagged merlin/arthur, and despite the fact that i personally am more interested in gen stuff, i started to get both suspicious and annoyed about what i was seeing.  but i also wanted to have the data to back up my annoyed feelings, so i made a little spreadsheet for myself and then just filled it in whenever i had time to kill and wanted something to do. 

the data, when i eventually finished, backed up my annoyance pretty much as well as i expected, which was disappointing, but not surprising.

to clarify - i’m not annoyed by the fact that will and merlin don’t have a whole lot of material in their ship tag.  will only showed up directly in one episode; i don’t expect him to be a popular subject.  what i AM annoyed by is the fact that there are actually more merlin/arthur fics in the merlin/will tag than there are fics that actually focus on...merlin/will.  by, like - an extreme margin.

(the rest of this is just me griping about fandom trends.  popping it under a cut so folks can just move on with their days if this isn’t relevant to their interests.)

The Numbers

two quick notes before i get into the nitty-gritty:

1) i originally did this survey a few months ago, but i updated it this week with fics that have been added since then, so the numbers are current.  

2) some of the data below would probably vary slightly depending on who was conducting the survey, so there’s a bit of wiggle room in either direction.  the criteria i had to use [aka what counts as just a ship ‘mention’ vs actual content] would be subject to reader interpretation, obviously, but even with that, i do feel that most stories fell into pretty clear categories.)

so, without further ado -

total # of fics in the ship tag: 145

number of fics that are inappropriately tagged (meaning either will himself or merlin/will as a ship does not actually appear [which is kind of bizarre, but which i saw happen surprisingly frequently], OR where there is only a brief reference to will or past!merlin/will and that’s the extent of their inclusion: 50

number of fics that are duplicates of works already in the tag (ie podfic), or (in one case) a meta podcast about the show: 5

so, that brings down our total number of fics with some sort of actual merlin/will content to 90.

of these 90 works, only 17 of them are actually focused on merlin/will.  

everything else in will’s ship tag, including the 54 works from the previously discussed "incorrectly tagged” category, is either a) fic where will is dumped, broken up with, or otherwise passed over in favor of arthur (and very occasionally gwaine, at least once mordred, once percival, once arthur and gwaine in a threesome, and once CENRED, which i’m sure will would be especially thrilled about), or b) fic where will is only included as a previous/ex relationship (again, almost always in lieu of arthur).  

moreover - of the 17 actual merlin/will fics, 7 still end with will dying or the relationship ending for reasons other than him being passed over for arthur.  an additional 4 are <1000 word PWP snippets, generally written for old LJ summer pornathons, one of which still somehow manages to be...you guessed it - all about arthur. 

in terms of actual one-shots/full fics where merlin/will is the endgame/non-dead pairing, there are only 6 stories.  

i repeat: will gets six earnest stories, IN HIS OWN SHIP TAG.  

i repeat once again: will, in a non-dead, endgame form, gets 4% of his own ship tag.

The Content

the in-fic trends are frustrating, if you actually like this character.

the asshole.  will is an abusive boyfriend.  he is a jealous ex. he’s a shitty friend.  he’s a stalker.  he’s manipulative.  he’s emotionally abusive.  he’s physically abusive.  he dumps merlin for someone else.  he cheats.  in one fic he’s so mad at merlin that he outs merlin’s magic to arthur.  in multiple fics, i watched him literally go off the rails and try to murder somebody.

the fuckbuddy. they’re just messing around, guys!  no, of course it’s not serious!  they just do this for fun!  of course there’s nothing to get in the way of arthur’s inevitable arrival!  no sirree!

the unrequited.  will is actually in it deep for merlin, but merlin doesn’t feel the same.  this does not, however, prevent merlin from using will for sex, companionship, comfort, distraction, etc - until arthur shows up, when will either steps aside in deference to merlin’s all-consuming passion for arthur or is dropped like a hot potato.

“not even will.”  that sentence.  over and over again.  merlin had never felt like this before, not even with will.  nobody had ever understood merlin like this, not even will.   even in fic when they were like.  married.  or engaged.  fanon arthur pendragon must be truly mind-blowing, y’all.

dead long-term relationship.  will was merlin’s husband/fiancé/long-term partner.  now he is Dead.  merlin getting together with arthur is what allows merlin to Heal.  (these stories sometimes contain some variation of “not even will,” as discussed above.)

lastly, in a related phenomenon:

who are you and what have you done with arthur pendragon???   i suppose in a way it’s nice to know that will isn’t the only one who gets the OOC treatment, but it is still really...something, to read fic where will is twisted into an unpleasant, abusive, canon non-compliant version of himself, and then to see arthur, on the very same page, transformed into a gentle, solicitous, kind, caring, equally canon non-compliant angel.  fanon!arthur is more worried about merlin’s well-being than literally anyone i have ever seen.  he is so invested in merlin’s emotional health.  he is so concerned about merlin’s boundaries.  he says things to merlin that no version of arthur pendragon has ever - EVER - in any universe, thought about saying to anybody.  he wants to hear all about merlin’s problems, and he’s all about taking it slow and making sure merlin feels comfortable and loved and worthy and safe (from all that horrible stuff done by that horrible other guy; that must’ve been so hard, merlin; ‘it’s okay, i’ve got you now’) - the man is utterly unrecognizable.  and you know what?  it’s okay!  it is fine to make your characters as OOC as you want.  it is fine to make them better/nicer than they were in the canon.  sometimes we all want that, right?  it’s fanfic!  have a ball.  i will never tell anyone to stop writing what they like, and i will NEVER interact negatively with a fic i don’t care for.  EVER.  do not do this, people - click the back button and move on with your life.   but i reserve the right to be annoyed, in my own space, about a persistent trend of will and arthur’s canon functions being flat-out reversed, in service of merlin/arthur.  not in the sense that canon!will is particularly gentle or sweet, because that’s not the case - but in the sense that will, in canon, is the one who actually cares about merlin’s best interests, whereas arthur is, quite frankly, the ass. a lovable ass (sometimes).  but an ass nonetheless, and one whose relationship with merlin is, from start to finish, an unhealthy, oppressive mess.

The Point

the point of me typing this up is not to say that what people choose to write is bad or wrong.  this is fanfic!  you can write whatever you want.  you can make characters as OOC as you want.  you can create as many AUs as you want.  i don’t mind fic authors writing stuff i don’t personally care for; someone else probably loves those stories!  and i am never going to interact negatively with anything i don’t personally enjoy - i am going to let people continue to have fun in their own ways, and i am going to grumble about my frustrations in my own space, and then i’m going to direct my energy into writing stuff i would personally like to read.

the point is just that i needed a brief second to complain, on my own blog, about my most familiar bbc merlin nemesis (otherwise known as ‘single-ship ubiquity’).  and what i mean by this is that it is REALLY FRUSTRATING that other little relationships are not even granted the tiniest concession of owning their own ship tags, in a fandom that is already so SATURATED with merlin/arthur content.  like - even if i’m generous and use the number 17 for the number of actual merlin/will fics in the tag, that still means 88% of will’s ship tag is actually fic about merlin falling in love with people who aren’t will (*cougharthur*).  eighty-eight percent!  of his own ship tag!  

(to put it another way - the ship tag isn’t supposed to be where you go to watch your character get repeatedly dumped or left behind for someone else, okay?  it’s supposed to be literally the opposite of that.)

will’s ship tag is already tiny.  and almost all of it belongs to arthur.  moreover, a significant chunk of it uses will as a convenient villain (completely contradicting every canon aspect of his characterization), when in the actual story will dies to protect arthur (who he doesn’t even like) and then lies to save merlin (at the expense of his own reputation, and despite the fact that he personally thinks merlin returning to camelot is a bad idea).  his behavior in canon is selfless, and wholly committed to merlin’s welfare, and yet in his ship tag he gets treated like trash.  

the kid can’t catch a break.  and it’s such a pervasive thing that even though i personally am primarily interested in merlin and will as friends (i am pretty romance-averse in general when it comes to media, and i have never written anything that isn’t gen, for any fandom, ever, in my life), i am also so indignant on will’s behalf that i’ve basically become invested in the well-being of this ship as a matter of principle.  it’s not my main thing, and it’s not necessarily how i view the canon-verse, but i am SO IRRITATED about how virtually all of will’s shipfic has been taken over by merthur (and about how maligned will is in his own tag) that i have actively committed myself to supporting merlin and will together in as many AUs as possible.  

(this is basically like when i trained myself to love allison argent after teen wolf killed her off.  i did that out of spite, y’all.  it’s the principle of the thing.)

so, y’know.  all i am saying is that i think will deserves his share of happy endings, and i think it would be nice to see fics where he is not just a stepping stone on the road to merthur or an unrecognizable parody of himself.

more importantly - EVERY merlin ship deserves to have a tag that isn’t completely swallowed by the local fandom behemoth.  merlin/arthur already owns three quarters of the archive.  a gargantuan oil tanker like that can afford to let the little rarepair canoes float down their own streams in peace.

[fangirlinsweden]

Noticing - Prologue

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Warnings: Swearing, frustrating Steve, kind of angsty sometimes.

Wordcount: About 1500 words

Summary:  Y/N is in love with Steve, but she is afraid to tell him. So she tries to show him by using Cheesy Pickup lines. Will he ever notice her?

A/N: This is written for @buckysmischief​  Gab’ s 1k writing challenge.

This takes place after Endgame, But Steve did not leave the future. Nat and Tony are still alive.

Almost all pickup-lines are lines I have found on the internet. Some I have adjusted a bit to fit the storyline more.

It had all started innocently enough, you had been in love with Steve since you joined the Avengers, but between Steve finding Bucky, Civil War and the Snap, there hadn't been a time you could go up to Steve and confess your feelings for him. Then when it all was finally over and the entire team was back at the Avengers Compound, you just could not come up with anything to say. Every time you started to say something to Steve you just froze or got interrupted by someone or something. It was killing you. You had tried flirting, but it was as if Steve did not notice. So when you tried to tell Steve at the stroke of midnight on Tony’s New Years Party and Steve was called away on a mission with Bucky. You were slowly giving up. After drinking a couple of glasses of champagnes and avoiding every hopeful guy who wanted to start the year by kissing an Avenger you ended up in a couch feeling miserable, but after the fifth guy came with a silly pick up line, you decided that next year would be different. You would show Steve how you felt, and if Steve did not like you back you would just have to get over him, but you gave yourself one year. Just one more year or else it was time to move on. You could not spend so many more years being hung up on one guy. You deserved to be happy and maybe you could find someone to share your life with.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Steve came back on the second of January, you started on your plan to show Steve your love for him. One morning you made him and the team breakfast in the morning. He walked into the kitchen after his run. “What is this, Sweetheart?” he asks and looks at the pancakes, scrambled eggs and sausages you were cooking.  “I thought that you could need a proper breakfast after your mission,” you smile up at him.  “Thank you, Sweetheart,” Steve leaned over and gave your forehead a kiss. You sigh. Your lips were right there. One after one the team comes into the kitchen and you have a nice family breakfast. Nobody was away on missions. It was nice. Every now and then you would look over at Steve, but his attention was never on you. He was talking to Sam and Bucky, laughing and having a good time. It made you smile. Nat gave your shoulder a nudge and you looked over at you. She raised her eyebrows at you and looked between Steve and you. You blushed and looked down at your plate. She nudged you again and you looked up. Now both Wanda and Nat were looking at you with big smiles.  You sigh because you know that they had caught on to your feelings for Steve. 

After breakfast was over Nat and Wanda cornered you in the gym. “So, you like Steve,” Nat smirks and Wanda snickers behind her hand. You knew that it was no use in denying it. “No, I don’t like Steve. I am in love with him.” You say and meet Nat’s eyes. Her eyes widened for a short while.  “How long has this been going on?” Nat wondered looking at Wanda. You smile. Finally, something that Nat had not noticed. “Since I joined the Avengers,” you look down at the floor. It has been a lot of years with you literally following Steve like a puppy in love. Wanda and Nat share a look that you can’t place. “I think you should go for it,” Wanda urges you.  “Yes, you really should” Nat agrees. “Steve likes you a lot.” “You are imagining things,” you shake your head, feeling down over Steve and your feelings. “I am pretty sure I would know if he liked me. I mean, I have been by his side for years now. And the only woman I saw him be interested in is Sharon. And let's face it, I am no Sharon.” You are looking down at your body. Nat and Wanda start to object but you lift a finger to keep them quiet. “Steve only sees me as a friend, maybe not even that. I might just be a teammate.” “You don’t kiss your teammate on the forehead and you don’t cuddle a teammate on the couch,” Nat argues. You just shrug your shoulders. Maybe you should just try and move on from Steve now.  “I still think you should go for it,” Wanda places a hand on your shoulder.  “Me too,” Nat places a hand on your other shoulder. “Go up to him and tell him how you fell.” “I have tried that. We always get interrupted,” you sigh. “Maybe I should just try and move on.” “No, not yet,” Nat looks at Wanda. “We can help you make a grand gesture.” “No, I will not make an ass out of myself in front of the leader of this team,” You tense up. “And in the process lose the only family I have, by being too ashamed to stay here.” Nat and Wanda fall silent. Then Nat smiles. “Then don’t do that. Be obvious by flirting with him,” Nat says and before you can argue that you tried that. “Do it with pick-up lines, not just normal flirting.” Wanda's eyes start to sparkle.  “That is a great idea. I bet he will pick up on it quickly if you use the real cheesy pick-up lines,” Wanda pulls out her phone and googles pick-up lines. “Like this one: ‘Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.’” You all start laughing. It was so bad that it was good.  “That could work,” you agree. If not it was a way for you to “tell” Steve how you were feeling. “But I promised myself on New Year's Eve that I would just give this one year. If nothing changes by then.. Well, then I'm done. I don’t want to spend my life waiting for him to notice me or reject me. Or worse, fall in love with someone right in front of my eyes.” Wanda nods at your admission and Nat narrows her eyes.  “I bet that won’t be a problem,” Nat says and looks like the Cheshire cat. “Steve is smart, he will probably understand what you mean by the pick-up lines before too long.” You let out a laugh.  “We will see,” you are still laughing.  “Why not start right now,” Wanda says and pushes your arm. Steve and Bucky walk into the gym. They head over to the sandbags and the three of you look on with appreciation on the super-soldiers training. They made it look so easy and effortless, something that could not be said for you when you trained. After a while, Nat pushes you forward. Clearly, the girls wanted you to start right away so you walk over to Bucky and Steve.  “Hey, guys,” you smile at them when you are closer. Bucky and Steve stop training to look at you. They greet you and Bucky takes a sip from his water bottle.  “You have an awesome form,” you wink at Steve and looks him up and down. Bucky chokes on his water and Nat pat his back. You had not noticed that Wanda and Nat had followed you. Bucky is looking at you with big eyes. The girls are grinning big. “Thank you, Sweetheart,” Steve replies and continues hitting the sandbag. Bucky just stands there frozen. Nat pushes his arm and he looks around the room. You wink at Bucky and tell the guys you will see them later. When you leave the gym with the girls you end up laughing in the hallway.  “Even if Steve doesn't understand what I am doing,” you get out while you are laughing. “It is totally worth it to see Bucky's face.” Wanda and Nat agree.  “Well, I need a shower and then I got pick-up lines to google,” You say and leave the girls alone. 

“How can Steve be so clueless?” Wanda asks Nat when both of them are watching Y/N walk away.  “It is not just him that is clueless,” Nat smirks and nods in the direction that Y/N had disappeared. “She is just as clueless to Steve’s loving gazes at her. And the fact that he doesn't use the nickname doll on her, but every other loving nickname that he never uses on anyone else,” Nat says and Wanda moods. “How long until we should interfere?” Wanda wonders when they walked towards their rooms. “I want to wait as long as possible,” Nat looks around. “There is a chance that the two of them actually will notice each other's feelings without us meddling. We will just have to wait and see what this year that Y/N has set as a kind of deadline to see what happens.” They break apart and walk to their rooms. All Nat knew was that things would get really interesting in the compound. 

~ *~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~

Taglist is open

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever- Peter Parker x venom!Reader

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Warnings: brief mentions of suicide, cancer, and drepression

AN: Hello! this is the first chapter and I hope you enjoy. Reader is essentially the female Eddie Brock. This takes place after the events of the Venom movie, but before Infinity War and Endgame.

Masterlist

Chapter One

Chapter two Chapter three

“Married?” I squeaked. My eyes grazed over the words on the card a hundred times without retaining any of the information. I momentarily forgot how to even read. I solely relied on the words coming out of Andy’s mouth.

“Yes, uh, married.” He awkwardly cleared his throat. “Dani and I are getting married over the summer.” Andy said. I was still staring at that damn card. The awkward silence filled the air, suffocating the three of us, but I didn’t care. I was holding my ex-fiancé’s wedding invitation in my hand for Christ’s sake.

“Married.” I repeated, like an idiot.

“You said that already, dumbass.” Venom chimed in, telepathically. I kicked the bench we were sitting on to quiet her down.

“Yes. Mare-weed.” He mimicked my New York accent just a little. I had trouble pronouncing my r’s. They often sounded like w’s. Andy never failed to point out how I sounded like a baby. I playfully elbowed him.

“Give me a break, it’s a lot to take in.” I said softly.

“I know. That’s why I wanted to tell you in person. I figured it would be better than you randomly getting the card in the mail and finding out that way.” Andy explained.

“Our hero.” Venom snarled. I pinched my leg to send her the message to be quiet.

“Yea. Yea no I’m glad you told me.” I said. My eyes finally processed something on the card.

“You’re getting married on August 10?” I asked, finally tearing my eyes away from that damn invitation and looking at him. He looked good. His curly brown hair was cut shorter than usual and he had on one of his signature suits.

“Bright and early. I chose that day because-“

“Because it’s your parents anniversary. I know.” I cut him off. I looked down and my hands. “We were gonna get married that day too.” I said timidly. I wasn’t gonna say it, but how could I not? He and I were engaged too once. I could feel Andy’s face heat up.

“Y/N, I totally forgot. I never would’ve, I mean, I didn’t erm I didn’t want-“ he stumbled over his words. I held up a hand to silence him.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. We were engaged and now we’re not. Besides, I’m really happy for you and Dani. She really helped me get back in my feet when Venom and I first bonded. I like her. And if you want to marry her on that day, then go ahead.” I said, and I meant it. I did like Dani. I’d like her more if she wasnt dating the love of my life, but hey, nobody’s perfect.

“You’re lying. We want him back. He looks so juicy and delicious.” Venom said. I choked on my saliva for a moment. Andy was quick to pat my back.

“You alright?” He asked. I nodded and made a mental note to have a domestic conversation about boundaries with Venom when we got home.

“I’m fine. And anyways, I’ve uh, I’ve moved on.” I blurted, like a total freaking dumbass.

“What? No we haven’t?” Venom said

“You have?” Andy asked. He seemed taken aback.

“No! We love you!” Venom cried. I was just greatful she was only speaking in my head.

“Yep. I’m in a deeply committed and loving relationship.” I said. It wasn’t a total lie. I was technically in a relationship with Venom, though be it a host parasite kinda deal. And I did deeply love her. I avoided eye contact and began to tug on a curl.

“What’s he like?” Andy asked. He seemed pissed off all the sudden. I pretended not to notice his change in mood.

“She, actually. She’s great. She’s uh…tall. Super super tall.” I said. It was true. Venom was 7’6. Andy nodded so I continued.

“She’s black, like yourself, and she’s got this big, beautiful smile.” I could feel myself cringing internally.

“You think my smile is beautiful?” Venom said sheepishly. I rolled my eyes.

“And she just always has my back. She’s my ride or die, you know? If I didn’t have her, I’d be dead. Literally.” I finished. And I would. If Venom and I ever got separated, we would both die. Andy was looking off into the distance. He sucked his teeth before nodding again. All he ever did was nod.

“That’s nice.” He said. His tone didn’t sound like he thought it was nice.

“I’d literally die.” I repeated.

“I get it.” He deadpanned.

“Like, I’d freaking perish.” I said.

“Alright.” He held up his hands and I stopped. Venom giggled in my head. I giggled back quietly.

“So, do you think you can come?” He asked.

Of course I could come. What the hell else would I be doing? But I was just getting back on my feet. I was at rock bottom before I found Venom. Well, before we found each other. That was nearly a year ago. That night came back in flashes every now and then.

I stared at a string of pictures of Andy and I at a fair. We went in the photoboth and immortalized our love in a series of goofy pictures. At least, I thought we did. Each picture showed us how we once were. Happy, youthful, and in love. Kisses on cheeks and arms around necks that had been long forgotten. I stared at the pictures until tears filled my eyes. He left me six months ago and it hurt like a bitch everyday. I tore my eyes away from the photos and they landed on a framed picture of me and my sister, Mary. My beautiful sister. I picked up the picture and smiled at it fondly. We were wearing matching shirts that said “Mary the Monster”. I had suggested “Mighty Mary” but she liked monster better.

“Why would you call yourself a monster? Monsters are scary and evil.” I teased.

“Exactly. I’m gonna scare the cancer out of my body. And who says all monsters are evil? They’re not. In fact, all monsters are human. At least they used to me. And I’m human too.” She answered. I smiled at her admiringly.

“Are you sure? You look a bit more like an alien to me.” I said, rubbing her bald head.

“Who else can look this good bald? A monster, that’s who?” Mary beamed. “Now, are you sure you want to go through with this?” She asked, turning on the razor.

“Yes. If my sisters bald, I’m bald.” I looked at my self in the mirror and nodded fiercely. Her face lit up with pride and she began to shave my head.

That was three years ago. Two years ago, she lost her fight to cancer. She died when I was 16. She was only 21. Twenty freaking one. Just three months shy of her 22nd birthday.

I remember calling her after looking at our picture. I’d call her every now and then, when I needed to hear her voicemail.

“Hey Mary. It’s Y/N. I’m sure you’re busy kicking ass in heaven and that’s why you didn’t pick up. You know, you could always come back down here and kick ass. Heaven is way overrated. I hear you don’t even have cable. I’m uh, I’m in a tough place right now. I really miss you. Every damn day. It…it should’ve been me. Dad always said it and, and I think he was right” a steady flow of tears fell down my cheek. “Anyway. I might be seeing you real soon. I love you. Goodnight” I hung up and dialed my dad.

“Hm hello?” He grunted on the third ring. I might’ve woken him up.

“Hey dad. It’s me.” I said sheepishly. We didn’t really talk since I moved to San Francisco.

“Mary? Is that you?” He asked. He was drunk, no doubt. His words were slurred and he slow.

“No, dad. It’s your other daughter. It’s Y/N.” I said. “I just…I was wondering if I could come home. I know I moved out here to work and be with Andy, but Andy and I actually broke and I uh, I lost my job dad. I’m kinda at a low point and I just want to go home.” I confessed. I waited for his answer. All I heard was silence, then a low, gravely laugh.

“Home? You think this is home? Your sister dies and you leave me here all alone and think it’s home? You think I want you here after what you’ve done? After you killed your mother and let your sister die?” He asked. He wasn’t yelling. He was genuinely asking. It didn’t stop it from hurting though.

“I didn’t kill mom. Thousands of women die in childbirth every year. We’ve talked about this a hundred times. Please just…just let me come home dad. I really need to get out of here.” I said. Hot tears fell down my face. I didn’t want to go to him, but I had nowhere else to go.

“I don’t want you around here. I never wanted you, period. Your sister was my golden girl. Your mother and I were so happy to have her.” He sounded sober for a moment, thinking of those happy memories. “And then you came along. And you killed your mother. My wife. My beautiful wife, gone, just like that. Leaving me with a screaming, crying baby. No. You can’t come home. This isn’t your home. Don’t call again.” And he hung up. I knew I was at my lowest point. I knew that was it. I saw my bottle of anti-depressants out of the content of my eye. I went over to the bottle and toyed with it in my hands. I lost my job, relationship, and family. I lost everything. What was the point of living to see tomorrow when tomorrow had nothing for me? I poured the pills into my hand and swallowed them. I drank some water and went to bed.

And then I woke up.

I woke up the next day. It hadn’t worked. It only left me feeling emptier and more miserable than before. I picked up my phone and went to call Mary again when I saw Dr. Dora Skirth’s number. On a whim, I dialed it. That night, Venom and I met, and I had found a reason to live to tomorrow.

“Y/N?” Andy asked. I snapped out of it.

“Oh right sorry. Um…” I mulled it over. Losing Andy nearly killed me. I was happy for him, I really was. But I wasn’t ready to attend his wedding. That was gonna be us. We were gonna be married on August 10th. It should’ve been me picking out a dress and bouquet and cake with him. He and I should be handing out wedding invitations. He shouldn’t be giving one to me. Of course I wanted to be at his wedding. But I wanted to be the bride.

“Actually, I cant. The Daily Bugle called me and offered me a job in New York. They want me to cover a story on some serial killer. I was gonna move there part time until the story is done. I’m leaving in a few weeks.” I blurted. Actual word vomit. It was partly true. The Daily Bugle did want to to write the story. But I had no moving plans nor was I the type of organized person who could make moving plans in a few mere weeks.

“Oh really? Wow.” Andy said. I couldn’t read his emotion. Disappointment and excitement seemed to be the forerunners but I couldn’t tell.

“Yea. I just finalized everything this morning.” More lies. I better call them the hell back. Andy nodded. My heart felt a twinge of guilt.

“But hey, maybe I’ll finish early and make it back in time for your big day. I mean, it’s only April. I have lots of time. How many people could this guy possible kill until August?” I joked. Andy didn’t laugh. He never really got my sense of humor. He did smile however.

“That’s great Y/N. I really hope you can make it. And congratulations. On everything. The girlfriend, the job. Things are really turning around for you.” He said. We smiled sincerely at each other before saying our goodbyes and going our separate ways.

I entered my apartment and slid down the door.

“Holy shit. I’m such a liar.” I said. I covered my face with my hands. Venom manifested herself and looked at me.

“You’re not a liar if we move to New York and start dating.” She said. I laughed.

“You have a point. In that case, will you be my girlfriend, Miss Venom?” I asked sarcastically. Venom smiled.

“You’re not really my type, but I’m willing to settle.” Venom answered. I laughed again.

“Then let’s make moving plans, baby. We’re going to New York.”

[inmyarmswrappedin]

DRUCK reactions - s4 ep4

No, I haven’t forgotten about these! I’m a bit behind, but I’m still on track to finish before s5 starts. Although I hope to be done even earlier, because I don’t know if Amira N’s season is going to leave me with a lot of free time.

( @wodrueckts looked this over! 💛)

CLIP 1: Smooth operator

Amira is finishing up her prayer, when we get a quick cut to a picture of Amira and Sam pinned to Amira’s mirror. So, even though Amira and Mohammed had like three separate moments in the last clip of last episode, Druck wants us to think Sam is still in the picture (literally).

Amira gets a text from an unknown number saying, “Wow, Amira, thanks!” She asks who that is, but then checks her other messaging apps for good measure.

So last Friday, Mohammed sent himself a text from Amira’s phone, making Amira out to have for Mohammed the feelings Mohammed has for Amira. Specifically, “I really like you, but you make me really shy somehow.” I like you, but you intimidate me a bit, as Mohammed has been communicating to Amira pretty much since the start. Calling her the woman with the ice cold gaze and such.

I mean, since this is a fiction series and not real life, we know Mohammed is genuine about his feelings. He isn’t playing Amira, he’s her endgame. But this is such a fuckboy move, lol. I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me none of the Penetrator Chrises (or the Williams) would pull something like this.

Amira can’t believe this man, but she’s also charmed! Relatable.

It’s really cute that Amira is so incredulous that Mohammed asks her if texting himself from her phone is bad, that she actually says “Yes!” out loud before she texts it to him.

Mohammed can’t see how charmed Amira actually is, so he acts a bit more vulnerable and confesses he feels the same way. Or rather, that this is how he feels, since Amira wouldn’t necessarily describe herself like that. (I think Amira, rather than shy, is scared.) Of course, this too could be a tactic.

I think it’s interesting that Mohammed comes across as the biggest player of the Yousefs, certainly more than Sofiane in this early stage, but it’s Sofiane who ended up playing Imane.

Anyway, Mohammed sends Amira a song that he hopes she likes. And I think it’s cute that the song is in German. We don’t know how long Mohammed has been living in Germany, but I figure German the language didn’t hugely feature in his life back in Syria. So this is a song he heard in this new country for this girl he met in this new country.

Then Mohammed teases Amira about only listening to Arabic music, and she’s like, “yeah that’s the only music I listen to!” So Mohammed immediately sends her a voice message. Of him singing. In Arabic.

This is adorable, and Amira is obviously charmed as fuck, as am I. And if Mohammed had previously sent Amira a song to symbolize his new life in Germany, this is Mohammed sharing a part of himself from before Germany. It’s very significant and, for me, the most vulnerable he’s been in this clip.

Mohammed is also a bit embarrassed by his singing voice, but Amira clearly doesn’t care. Nobody cares, Mohammed. Keep singing!

CLIP 2: Essam does dumb things to fit in

Amira wakes up to the dulcet sounds of Essam screaming, and doesn’t get what time it is at first.

She and Mohammed were texting until 11 PM, and Amira fell asleep right as she was going to send Mohammed a song. Her last text was at 23:07 and Mohammed waited until 23:53 before wishing her a good night.

A reminder to renew her vaccines for the Australia trip comes in, and Amira first curls up with her phone. Just lost in the romance of it all, until Essam’s shriek cuts through the song lmao.

Amira checks the phone again and wakes up quick when she realizes the appointment is in 45 minutes. She swears a bit, and I’m very intrigued by this because Amira Naybet avoids swear words entirely, going for PG versions of Spanish swear words.

She’s in a rush now, but Essam has locked himself in the bathroom and refuses to come out. They have a bit of a back and forth (Amira’s threats don’t intimidate Essam at all, it seems) before Essam, having wrapped his hair in a towel, finally opens the door.

He asks Amira not to laugh at him and then reveals that he’s bleached his hair… badly. It’s not even yellow, it’s pretty much orange. Amira says he looks like Donald Trump. Trump wishes he had that much hair tbh.

Essam is actually really upset, and even hides his face in the crook of his elbow.   But fortunately he starts laughing a little once Amira cracks up at him. I don’t think I could take sad Essam, it’s completely antithetical to who he is!

Amira asks Essam why he did that to his hair, and said she would’ve helped him if he asked. Essam is all, “no, you wouldn’t. You hate me. You don’t love me at all.” And he just sounds so sincere that I believe he believes that. Like he’s so used to Amira bickering with him (and probably complaining about him to their parents lbr) that he thinks his big sister hates him. It’s just another way in which Essam’s self-esteem is absolutely fragile despite his brash nature.

Essam eventually confesses that he did it because girls (the girls he’s attracted to, that is) only like blond men. The music indicates this is a vulnerable moment for Essam. He feels like he will never be attractive to girls because he’s not white. To Essam, Amira must seem like someone who doesn’t care to fit in with white Germans, because she’s not voicing any complaints that white German boys aren’t knocking at her door. But Essam does want that. Both the white German girls and to fit in.

Anyway, Amira gets this is Essam opening up to her, so she tells him she’ll help fix up his hair. She’s in the middle of sharing her game plan when Mohammed sends a pic, which briefly distracts her.

Essam also sounds sincere when he thanks Amira, and Amira in turn assures Essam she’ll always help him… Though she’s still going to take a picture of him looking like Donald Trump.

We break out of Amira’s POV for a moment, to follow Essam a little longer as he looks at himself in the mirror and tries a Donald Trump sneer. He’s too cute to really pull it off, I’m afraid.

CLIP 3: Everyone (except Amira) is having sex!

I’ll just get it out of the way and say I don’t hate the David/Matteo make outs, nor do I think they were unnecessary.

Like the split screen editing is a bit 🤪 🤪 🤪 creativity! 🤪 🤪 🤪, but the point of this clip is that Amira is surrounded by sexually active people. And David and Matteo have always kept their PDA at cuddling and pecks on the lips in front of people, so it makes sense to me that we’d need to be back on their POV to 1. Show they are into each other, without 2. Actually talking about it with Amira, which would come across as awkward and weird because they’re not that kind of besties.

Like yes, it’s fanservice, but it makes way more sense from a storyline and character standpoint to do it like this than how other Skams handled it.

Though I find it amusing that Druck stans are so vocally opposed to the scene lmao.

Moving on, Kiki and Carlos’ screams of pleasure not only wake up the whole neighborhood from their afternoon naps, but also put off David and Matteo from pursuing their own activities in the hallway.

Amira comes up to them while they’re listening to music and is like, “hey why aren’t you going in?” They’re like, “we don’t want to mention the S word in front of you.” But Amira gets the picture quick once she comes closer to the door.

Druck teases its fans mercilessly as Matteo prods David into admitting his application film is an alien movie with flying body parts. David tries to argue that it’s deeper than that, but lbr this sounds like some campy Z movie nonsense with terrible special effects AND I’M HERE FOR IT. How dare Druck deprive me of this?

Amira’s like, “Yeah that sounds terrible.” Then she starts bickering with Mohammed over text, which makes David and Matteo very 👀 👀 (not that they’re relevant in this season lol).

Then, Sam comes in, and asks why they’re all outside. Unlike Amira, she figures it out for herself and outright asks whether they’re fucking. But she says it in a very pleased way, like she might come in and offer them drinks or condoms, ah god love you!

Amira can’t even take this bit of discussion of sex and wants to come in and end it all. I guess it’s because she’s wondering if people are just going to keep arriving and talking about Kiki and Carlos fucking, although it might also be because she doesn’t know how to be around Sam right now. (Because Sam isn’t just comfortable with people having sex, but she’s sexually active herself.)

Sam grabs Amira’s arm and says not to interrupt Kiki and Carlos, because maybe they’re doing the Happy Baby pose… And like… That’s a yoga pose. I’ll just let y’all google that.

Amira is like, ENOUGH OF THIS! And Sam’s like Okay, miss Priss! Amira wants a second opinion from David and Matteo about this prissiness, and they both plead the fifth.

Right after Sam’s called Amira prissy and put her on the defensive, Sam then says that, in the middle of making out with Abdi, she noticed Amira and Mohammed having a Moment. She’s like, I didn’t know you liked him, I’ll back off.  Amira denies being into Mohammed, but Sam doesn’t buy it.

And like… That’s it for this storyline. It’ll never come up again.

I know that doing away with the Skam love triangle pleased the fandom, but I mean, did Druck really get rid of it? They incorporated it, it features heavily in the first couple episodes and is one of the reasons Amira initially is unsure about the viability of her relationship with Mohammed… But it’s never explored in a meaningful way. It doesn’t develop Sam beyond being interested in boysssssss, it doesn’t develop Sam and Amira’s friendship or explore its nuances as well as the nuances of the hypersexualization of black women as opposed to the assumption that hijabis are repressed. Amira doesn’t even get to tell Sam she likes Mohammed onscreen, she tells Mia instead.

Again, this is a storyline that comes across as not something the writers particularly wanted to do, but they needed some filler for the first couple episodes. And the fact that the show then proceeds to decenter Sam after this, while Kiki’s role only increases, is just incredibly disappointing.

And speaking of Kiki’s presence becoming larger… With this subplot out of the way, Kiki now opens the door, looking very much like Noora when she got out of William’s car in s4. (Crazy idea, but what if it was supposed to be a reference to that? Lmao.)

She’s like, “I and Carlos just got done talking to the landlord, which was a conversation that involved no pants in my part!” Matteo calls shenanigans, Amira’s like, “right,” while Sam and David… Kinda look like they think Kiki’s never looked hotter tbh.

Like I said, I don’t have an issue with this clip, but showing Amira being surrounded by sex, yet not giving Amira the space to verbalize how she feels about this, while also getting rid of the Yousef kissing someone else angle, kinda makes this clip pointless tbh. Like the point of constantly surrounding Sana with sexually active couples was meant to make her feel like she couldn’t give Yousef what he supposedly wanted, i.e. a girlfriend who’d be physical with him.

Again, I’m not saying we have to make the Muslim main feel like shit for not being like a white German (we have enough of that with Essam), but at least give this joke a bit of depth by letting Amira talk about it. One issue with the season is that Amira gets thrown a mountain of microaggressions and ways in which she’s different, but viewers aren’t going to get the point that this adds to the pressures Amira faces unless you hit them over the head with it.

CLIP 4: Foreshadowing – the clip.

Amira is practicing boxing at home in order to have an excuse for her to be covering her hair. (Genuine curiosity, should Skams work this hard on coming up with reasons why their hijabi actresses are covering at home? Like I can see the benefit of not wanting to lead people to think hijabi cover 24/7.)

Mohammed texts her a picture of Angela Merkel doing Merkel hands on which he photoshopped a screenshot of Amira from Matteo’s season, along with the caption: Amira for Chancellor. Mohammed be like, I love this show DRUCK, love making shit posts for it.

Mohammed’s memes have put Amira in a great mood, and Mia chooses that moment to call Amira on Skype. Amira can barely get through the conversation, she’s giggling so much. Mia also comes off as really young in this chat, she acted like more of an adult in s3.

Mohammed keeps texting Amira flirty messages about Amira’s political career, and Mia notices that she’s distracted. She wants to know who’s making Amira smile so much, and Amira deflects and says it’s just her brother. Mia notes that Sam’s been raving about Amira’s brothers (so not just Mohammed), and she and Amira have a bit of a back and forth about Amira hiding Essam and Omar from them.

Then Mohammed sends Amira another meme in which he shops himself as Chancellor Amira’s spin doctor, which is both the cutest and saddest bit of foreshadowing. Amira, not being genre savvy, just finds it charming.

Mia wants to know what’s so funny, and Amira’s like, “can you keep a secret?” Mia, being a former Druck main and thus having seen some shit, is immediately alarmed about what this secret might be, and promises to not say a word.  

But there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing! Amira’s secret is that she kind of likes Mohammed. Not too much because he’s so tall and his hair is so nice and his eyes so dark. His eyebrows are terrible and so is his moustache that makes Amira zero in on his full, soft lips. Plus his body is so nice because he’s always working out! Mia’s like, so where’s the catch?

Amira’s crush is gigantic, and Mia’s so excited for her, but there’s still something holding Amira back. Maybe it’s that it all seems so easy with Mohammed, or that Amira’s not ready to revise her position that all men are shit, or you know, maybe it’s as simple as Amira enjoying being the lovesick one for once and indulging in the giddiness.

At any rate, Alex is visiting Mia next week (in Spain, where Mia totally is), so that’s coming up.  

CLIP 5: Famous last words

Amira and her mom sit down to watch a movie. Amira’s mom is happy to be spending time with her daughter, but Amira is on her phone because Mohammed has asked her, for the hundredth time now, whether she wants to go on a date with him. The man is running out of creative ways to ask Amira out, and she’s still all No ❤️

Amira’s mom wants to know who she’s texting, and Amira says it’s just Kiki. Because Kiki is Amira’s bestie now. Amira’s mom likes her though. She thinks she’s nice and also reminds the viewers of a potential Kiki storyline by commenting on her weight. In hindsight I don’t know why I ever thought s5 wouldn’t somehow deal with Kiki, because the writing is so clearly setting up a Zoë season about Kiki.

Amira’s mom says Amira never confides in her anymore, and eh. I mean, Amira did just lie about who she’s texting, but when Sana’s mom said this to Sana in Skam, it was more significant because Sana had been hiding her Russ plans from her for over three seasons. Amira has been pretty forthcoming with her mom in comparison. She knows about her friends (or about Kiki, at least) and about the trip to Australia. She doesn’t need to know about Amira’s delivery job because she doesn’t have it anymore.

Anyway, Amira bites her lip because she can’t hide this feeling anymore! She likes a boy! He’s nice and smart and cooks well, and Amira’s mom teases her that she’ll never go hungry then, as Amira just burnt the popcorn.

Amira’s mom wants to know whether the boy is handsome (of course!) and Muslim (of course! Famous last words). She wants to meet the boy, but Amira would like to get to know Mohammed better first, which is never going to happen if she keeps turning him down.

With that out of the way, they finally resume watching the movie, which seems to be a Bollywood one because the characters dance all the time. Is it a movie where the climax happens at a wedding, perhaps?? It looks like all the dancing helps Amira make her mind up, as she says, “You only live once.”

CLIP 6: Never leave the house

Amira meets Mohammed at a park, and they exchange a bunch of “Na?” because they’re dumb and into each other. Then Mohammed bravely asks Amira if she missed him, as if he didn’t know at this point that Amira is going to laugh at him. Which she does, because she says no.

They’re in the midst of some mating dance, when Amira notices a hijabi and (presumably) her daughter. She hides behind a tree, because she doesn’t want to be the hot gossip at the mosque, but Mohammed is all, “aw, I remember when I wasn’t traumatized by war and cared about trivial shit like this.”

Or maybe he doesn’t care because he never goes to the mosque. Okay, okay. I’ll stop.

At any rate, this is the first time that Mohammed says or does something that would actually pose a problem to Amira. This is quickly brushed aside because they get lost in each other’s eyes as soon as they make eye contact.

Kiki rudely interrupts this moment, but Amira’s like, “I’m busy, bye.” So she and Mohammed go on a musical montage where they box and push each other, and Mohammed sticks a flower in Amira’s hijab. Just enjoying the romance of it all! Until Amira notices Kiki’s called her three times, and I don’t want to say Kiki is the secondary love interest, but, you know.

It turns out that, while the parents were away, Essam decided to throw a rager. And he invited Kiki as he’s been working hard for her to notice him on insta. Kiki thought Amira would be attending this party when she got the invite, and has by now realized Amira wouldn’t approve of any of this.

Amira arrives at the party with Mohammed hot on her heels, and Kiki starts apologizing for thinking this was all on the up and up. Amira says her parents are at a wedding for the whole weekend, and Kiki gets distracted by Amira’s pretty lipstick. I don’t want to say Kiki is the secondary love interest, but, you know.

Amira confronts Essam, whose hair is looking a lot better than last time we saw it. Essam doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of the situation, so Amira leans in and sniffs Essam’s breath. She asks Essam if he’s been drinking but he says no. However, he must be totally out of it because he wanders off, hypnotized by Kiki’s mermaid-esque beauty (or something).

Essam starts dancing with Kiki, who looks uncomfortable but goes along with it. At one point he puts his hand on her hip, and she grabs it and removes it from her body. Carlos (who has been blowing off his friends for weeks but is at this party, lol) notices this as it happens. Carlos shoves Essam and they start fighting.

Essam is bigger, or the German boy squad are lovers, not fighters, or Carlos was totally holding back, but either way Essam gets the upper hand and needs to be pulled off by both Amira and Mohammed. Kiki gets mad at Carlos for getting territorial over her. This is like, one of the most actually feminist moments to happen in a Skam that isn’t Skam España, I gotta say. Meanwhile Amira and Mohammed try to hold Essam accountable, but he starts feeling sick.

As this is all happening, Amira’s mom texts her to let her know that they came back because dad is, coincidentally, also sick (but not for the same reason lol).  Amira tells Kiki, who takes charge of the situation and kicks everyone out. She literally shoves people out of the house, and I just think Kiki was born to do this, tbh.

If you think about Kiki’s mom being an alcoholic, it kinda makes sense that Kiki thinks of spraying some air freshener as she leaves. She also takes a crate of bottles with her, but because this is Sana’s season, a couple are left behind. Amira and Mohammed weirdly hide them under a cushion, even though they have time to fold a blanket and regroup.

Mohammed thinks the date didn’t go too badly!

As Amira’s parents walk in, Mohammed has to carry Essam from where he was previously sitting on the floor waiting for the bathroom to be free, to a couch.

Amira’s mom is surprised to see Mohammed in the house, and I’m like, “why though?” It’s not like his outfit screams date (whereas Amira totally looks date-ready), and he and Essam are friends. Parents are so annoying, bless.

But she gets over it, especially as she notices Essam in a fetal position. She comes over to greet him and notices he’s cradling a vodka bottle like a baby, and of course she asks Amira and Mohammed what that is, cause you know, as the older sibling and friend they should be looking after him!

And then, Mohammed, Amira’s self-proclaimed spin doctor, tells Amira’s mom that he brought the bottle (and it just fell into Essam’s hands I guess lol). Amira’s mom is angry and reminds Mohammed that they’re Muslims, which makes me wonder if she knows he doesn’t believe in Allah. She’s also upset at Amira, because you know, they were just watching a movie yesterday and suddenly Mohammed is bringing vodka to her house for Essam to consume excessively, as Amira supposedly watches on in approval.

Amira doesn’t even respond, she’s so upset.

I think Druck pulled off this storyline the best out of the Sana versions, including Skam itself. One of the biggest problems with this storyline in Sana’s season is that it affected characters Sana wasn’t all that close to. Like, best buds and everything, but at the end of the day, Isak and Sana rarely hung out. Because the show is ultimately about the girl squad, not Isak’s squad or his friendship with Sana. So in Skam this storyline affected a school friend of Sana’s, his boyfriend, and a friend of her brother’s. Druck instead made it about Amira’s brother, one of Amira’s closest friends and her boyfriend.

Druck also chose to introduce this storyline in a multi pov episode, so that we got a better understanding of Kiki’s and Carlos’ mindsets going into the episode.

This will be more debatable, but I personally prefer that Druck didn’t hide the fight from us. In Skam, we don’t get to see the fight because Sana is supposed to believe those islamophobic Pepsi Max girls (and Yousef’s interpretation of why Even transferred) over her own brother. And I’m sure part of Julie’s intention was to make Skam viewers examine their own assumptions as to what happened, but the thing is… If people don’t want to examine their prejudices, they simply won’t. There are Skam viewers who, to this day, are convinced that Julie bowed to political correctness or whatever the fuck.  Druck makes all the characters’ motives clear and show us how the fight happened, and I’m sure there will still be assholes, but at least it’s not a “he said that’s what happened” situation.

It also doesn’t involve hypothetically homophobic Muslims, which was already dealt with in Isak’s (and Matteo’s) season. I personally don’t think this topic needs a rehash in a Sana season unless Sana herself is queer. Similarly, by making Amira’s brother the person to bring alcohol into the house, you don’t need to make the Sana bow down to the peer pressure of white mean girls.

Given that Essam is the one to bring alcohol into the house and to get handsy with Kiki, Druck did the absolutely correct thing and showed us Essam’s vulnerability before the fight. I would say, aside from Yousef, none of the Skam balloon squad was vulnerable in the same fundamental level that Essam is. Of course Elias is happy to hear that Even asked about him, and Mikael is quiet for a moment when he sees Even in his contact list. But ultimately, that’s friend drama. Essam changing his hair in hopes to fit in and be liked is about Essam himself.

I think Druck dropped Essam’s character arc right there because they intended season 5 to air in fall or winter last year. (Otherwise, why make Essam and Zoë Machwitz be the same age?) Now that both Zoë and Essam would be in their last year of high school, and Nora is slated to be the main instead, I hope they find a way to still fit Essam in there. So at least one Mahmood is done justice, you know.

On the downside, the focus on the Essam/Kiki/Carlos/vodka storyline means that Amira’s and Mohammed’s first date is not just cut short, but because of Druck’s time constraints, it also means that it’s mostly cuteness set to music.

Social media

Apparently Abdi heard that, without an insta, he just couldn’t match up to Mohammed, so he got one. Of course the first person he tells is Sam…

Mia posts a picture of a flamenca, because she’s in Madrid. Alex sends her a bunch of messages about arriving on Sunday, but Mia doesn’t respond to them (she did read them though).

Kiki posted a video of her workout, with Essam posting a similar video the day after to no response from Kiki. Kiki later posts a video of her yoga session, and when Essam does the same thing, he actually goes ahead and tags her in the story. The second hand embarrassment was felt across the globe.

After Amira tells Mia about her crush on Mohammed, she texts Sam to let her know as well. Sam takes it well (she’d pretty much figured it out after all). They agree to hang out later, and we get a couple pics on insta to commemorate the event. Which Abdi later copies to get Sam’s attention.    Just a terrible week for thirsty men on Druck.

Meanwhile, Matteo takes David to meet his mom, and David later posts an evocative drawing to commemorate the event. And that’s all we’re ever told about that, much to the frustration of David/Matteo stans.

Abdi poses with a sleeping Sam and posts the pic to his insta and omg, Abdi! Just stop.

Before the party, Kiki and Carlos fight over text because Carlos has decided to get a Fachabi rather than an Abi (so, like, a kind of high school diploma that would make it harder for him to go to uni, and better suited for a trade) without telling Kiki. I gotta say, I know Kiki and Carlos have moved in together and everything, but I think Carlos’ tertiary education being a team decision is way too intense for two high school graduates, as far as I see it.

There’s this one pic from Kiki’s stories where Essam is posing with a bunch of white girls, and it just gave me the worst flashbacks to those sorority videos where everyone is scarily in sync.

Final thoughts

The boy squad and balloon fight is the turning point in Sana’s season, and by moving it up and combining it with the booze left behind storyline, Druck turned it into a side storyline about Essam, instead. As I said, I think they pulled it off much better than Skam, but it also means that this is Amira’s third episode and Druck has chewed through most of the storylines in Sana’s season (including the love triangle with Noora/Sam, which is tossed aside this episode).

At this point, the only storylines left are Yousef’s lack of faith, Noorhelm drama and… The cyberbullying storyline which ends up unintentionally hurting Vilde. Ideally, Druck would’ve focused on the former of the three, and would have still gotten four episodes to really deal with it in a nuanced way, but we’ll see how that worked out.