#and no one is giving me any time to myself

[willowsnook]

When Love is Left Unspoken pt. 2 (MV)

max verstappen x reader

pt. 1 here

I could be talked into a pt. 3 if people want it

It had been a week since the Austin GP and forgetting about what happened had been impossible mostly because Max would not leave you alone.

He didn't reach out directly, but every morning this week, you had woken up to a new gift outside your door. Flowers, chocolate, coffee, pastries, clothing, etc. You had no idea how he even knew your address.

You struggled with what to do. On one hand, you had missed your best friend for a long time. You missed the inside jokes, the comfort you found in him, and supporting one another. But on the other hand, you couldn't stop thinking about how he threw it all away because he was scared of loving you. You had never been scared of loving him, even if you never said. Well maybe that was hypocritical.

Saturday morning an envelope accompanied the box outside of your door. You opened the box first, revealing a vintage RedBull racing bomber jacket that cost who knows how much. It was cute, you'd give it that. Opening the envelope you froze as you read the letter that sat next to a paddock pass for the Brazil GP.

I know you hate me and you have a good reason to but I will do anything to have you back by my side even if you refuse to look at me. Please come to Brazil, I know it's your favorite track. You can stay on Checo's side of the garage if it makes you feel better.

Love, Your Max

Brazil was your favorite track and in the past you had always travelled down early to experience the culture for a bit before the racing started.

You facetimed Carmen, hoping to talk this through with someone else.

"Hey girl, what's up?" She asked, clearly in the middle of a workout.

"Oh, I can call later if you're busy," you said and she shook her head.

"No, it's okay!"

"Max invited me to the Brazilian GP," you told her slowly and her eyes widened.

"Wow."

"I know, I don't know what to do."

Carmen was silent for a little bit, clearly thinking. "Is there any part of you that wants to make up with him?"

"Yes," you admitted quietly. "But I hate myself for even thinking that. I don't want to just forget about everything that happened and take him back with open arms."

"I don't think you necessarily have to forget what happened but maybe focus on the people you both have grown to be in these last few years. Maybe treat it like you are starting over."

"So you think I should go?"

"Selfishly yes of course," she said grinning and you couldn't help but smile back. "You don't even have to spend time with him. Just see how it feels to be around him."

After hanging up with Carmen, you texted the number Max had given you for his assistant in order to get flights and a hotel figured out.

-----------------------------------

You landed in Brazil on media day and didn't plan on going to the track until Saturday. Max was pulling out all the stops even when he couldn't see you as evidenced by the ridiculously nice hotel he put you in. The view was amazing and laying on the bed was a variety of your favorite snacks and drinks with a card that read "I'm so glad you're here -your Max."

The 'Your Max' thing was working even though you hated to admit it. You spent the next two days traveling around the city by yourself and then with Carmen.

Saturday rolled around and you found yourself nervous to be at the paddock despite Carmen's constant reassurances. You hadn't seen Max yet and you weren't really sure what to say when you did.

Funny enough, the first person you ran into when you made it to the RedBull garage was Christian Horner.

"Y/n!" He said surprised to see you. "It's been a while, how are you? You know my wife is obsessed with your tik tok channel."

"Ahh tell her I said thank you," you replied kindly. "I've been doing well."

"We're glad to have you back," he said and your heart swelled. "It's been a rough year for him."

"I'm not sure I can change that," you said politely and he gave you a look.

"You just being here might," he commented before leaving you to go talk with the mechanics. You wandered around the garage, catching up with a lot of people you hadn't seen in a long time.

Max spotted you as he was coming out of his drivers' room and his heart stopped. Of course he knew you were in Brazil, but he still wasn't 100% sure you'd show up. He didn't think he should approach you so he just lingered by watching you. You felt him watching you and looked over at him, trying to control your breathing and gave him a small smile.

He smiled back before being called off to get ready for the sprint. Leaning against the back wall you pulled your headphones and settled in to watch. Max was doing pretty good, battling with Charles for most of the race. Your face appeared on the broadcast and you smiled to the camera, giving it a small wave.

After the race you checked your phone to see that you'd been tagged in countless tweets.

@.username12312: Was that y/n y/l/n in the RedBull garage? I thought her and Max had a falling out???

reply to @.usernam12312 @.user345: Yeah they haven't been friends for a long time. It had something to do with Kelly

reply to @.user345 @.username12312: oh yeah, you're right! I always liked y/n better anyways

You were amused reading the speculation and decided to stir the pot further. While Max was doing interviews you found Checo in the garage and asked him to take a picture with you. The confused man agreed and you quickly posted it to your Instagram story with the caption: My favorite RedBull driver, good luck tomorrow!

Carmen and Lily both slid up with laughing emojis and you walked back to Max's side, trying to avoid the rain. It was really coming down now and you weren't sure if they would even be able to go out on the track. You found Max a little while later sitting against the wall, legs sprawled out in front of him. You sunk down next to him, holding your knees into your chest.

"Think you'll be able to go out there today?" You asked casually and he looked over at you, clearly excited to hear you speaking to him.

"I would say probably not," he replied. "Maybe tomorrow morning."

"How much longer until we know?"

"Another half hour would be my guess," he said. "I can call for someone to take you back if you want to leave now?"

"No, I'll wait," you said looking down at your phone. You sat in silence for a while and the rain was starting to make you very sleepy. Losing the battle with yourself, you rested your head on Max's shoulder and he stiffened.

Max smiled to himself as you dozed off and the two of you caught the attention of the cameras, the photo soon to be splashed everywhere online. Quali was called off and Max nudged you awake, reaching out to help you up.

"Ride with me back?" He asked hopeful and you nodded. You ran into George and Carmen on the way out and she gave you a knowing look to which you rolled your eyes at.

"You guys should come out to dinner with us," George said. "We're meeting up with Alex and Lily too."

You hesitated, not wanting to miss out but at the same time your social battery was dead. You could only handle so much social interaction before you were craving your warm bed to snuggle into. You started to give in and agree but Max cut you off.

"I think y/n is done being around people for the day so I'm going to take her back."

You looked at him surprised and the realization that he still knew you so well just added more fire to the internal turmoil you were facing. Bidding them goodbye, you followed Max out of the paddock and into the car he had rented for the weekend. The car ride was silent as well as the elevator ride up to your floor.

Max followed close behind you as you made your way to your room and it was starting to irritate you.

"You don't need to walk me to my room Max," you said and he looked at your sheepishly.

"I'm in the one right next to you."

"Are you fucking serious?" You asked frustrated. "I need space Max!"

"I just want you to be safe," he defended and you rolled your eyes.

"From what?" You exclaimed. "Oh yeah, your girlfriend I mean ex-girlfriend is from here. Think she's sending people after me?"

"I don't think that's funny," he said, eyes darkening. "Sue me for wanting you close to me. I'm not going to apologize for that."

"You are the worst," you bit out before shoving into your room, slamming the door.

---------------------------------------

Stepping out of the steaming shower and back into the bedroom you glanced worriedly out the window. You wouldn't necessarily say that you had a fear of thunderstorms but they tended to make you uneasy.

Trying to distract yourself you put on South Park, your favorite show to watch in a hotel, but it didn't work. After a couple of booms you were still on edge. Sighing you got up and left your room, hoping a small walk around the hotel would ease your mind. By the time you made it back, Max was leaning against the wall by your door, waiting for you.

"Can't sleep?" He asked and you nodded.

"The storms."

"You always were scared of them," he teased and you scoffed.

"I'm not scared of them!" Right as you said that, a streak of lighting flashed by the hallway's window followed by a loud crash of thunder. You jumped a little and Max smirked.

"Come on," he said gesturing back to his room. You hesitated and he sighed. "We both know you won't fall asleep alone to this."

Giving in, you followed him into his room. It was a carbon copy of yours and you were amused to see South Park playing on his tv. He climbed into his bed but you stopped short; the scene in front of you reminded you of so many times before. When you traveled with him back in the day you'd often find yourself in his room at night hanging out. You always fell asleep and woke up in his arms, neither of you ever saying anything about it.

Max sat up in the bed looking at you, he knew what you were thinking.

"Y/n," he said softly as he watched you wipe a tear from your eye.

"This is so hard Max," you said, voice breaking. "How am I supposed to just forget?"

"I don't know," he confessed. "I'm sorry."

"It's not even like you broke my heart that day," you said meeting his eyes. "You had chipped away at it for so long that there wasn't even anything left to break."

Max's heart dropped and he moved over closer to where you were standing, so that you were now eye level.

"I was so scared back then y/n," he said and you put your head into your hands. "So scared of failing that I did things I shouldn't have done, like pushing you away to protect myself."

"Protect yourself from what?" You said, looking back at him.

"Your unconditional love," he said sadly and you tried to compose yourself, taking a deep breath.

"You acted like nothing happened, I watched you move on with your life," you accused, whispering to him.

"I did not move on, I was a mess. I couldn't eat or sleep for months and I latched on to you in whatever way I could through your videos or podcast. Every picture or video you saw of me was strictly PR."

"But you never reached out, not once in these past few years," you said, starting to grow angry with him.

"Neither did you!" He exclaimed.

"That's not fair Max," you retorted, moving away from him.

"Isn't it though? You accused me of moving on but I watched you do the same. I watched your popularity grow, watched you start to travel around the world, watched you post with other guys. You didn't need me to be happy."

"I needed my best friend!" You yelled and he flinched. "I needed you to be there to call when I got a new deal! I needed you to be there to lean on when I had self doubt! You ruined everything Max. I could never be truly happy celebrating something because in the back of my mind I was thinking about how you should have been there with me!"

Max squeezed his eyes shut, sitting down on the bed.

"I don't know how to fix this schatje," he whispered and you flinched at the term of endearment. "Everything has been so dark for so long. I am okay with you hating me forever. Because even if you just look at me, it'll be a better day than what I've had."

Sniffling, you stared into his red rimmed eyes. "I want to forget about you so badly Max but I can't."

He smiled softly at you before patting the bed.

"Please sleep here tonight, it will make me feel so much better knowing you were well rested. I'll sleep on the pull out couch," he said standing up.

"Just sleep in the bed with me," you said sighing, wiping the tears from your face before climbing into the bed. Max slid in next to you, leaving a healthy distance between the two of you and you drifted off to sleep.

The sound of his alarm woke you up at 4:30 and you groaned sleepily. Max's arms were wrapped tightly around you, his head buried in your hair as he refused to open his eyes.

"Max, you have to wake up," you said and he mumbled incoherently into you. You pried his hands off your body and stood up, stretching. He watched you lazily from the bed, wondering if this was a dream.

"I'm going to go get ready and then I'll meet you back in the hallway in 30 minutes okay?" You asked him and he nodded. Leaving his room you headed back into yours to get ready for the day. Your eyes were still a little swollen from last night but that was nothing a little makeup couldn't fix.

Pairing the new RedBull jacket with a black jeans you gathered all your stuff before texting Carmen about what had happened last night. All she responded was that we would discuss it in person and sent a winky face.

Max looked more awake standing out in the hallway and you both left for the track.

Qualifying was a mess to put it simply. Crash after crash after crash. It was spiking your anxiety to watch and you were just praying that Max would make it out unscathed. He did make it without crashing, but not without controversy.

You grew furious as you watched everyone in Q2 get to finish their laps following Lance's crash except for Max and Esteban. This made him miss out on Q3 for the first time in forever. You knew he was pissed when he got out of the car and his eyes met yours for a brief second. He talked to his engineers before grabbing your hand to drag you with him to over where he had to do interviews.

Standing behind the reporter you watched him try to contain his anger.

“If a guy goes straight into the wall, it is a straight red,” he said. “I don't understand why you need to take 30, 40 seconds for a red flag to come out...”

His voice was rising as he said it and both you and the reporter braced for the impact of whatever he was going to say next. He started to say something but then looked over at you and stopped himself, taking a deep breath before waving off the question.

“I don’t care in all honesty, it is so stupid to talk about. It’s ridiculous.”

He answered a couple more questions about the race happening later and you waited patiently. Christian came to join you and gave you a knowing look.

"I told you that being here would make things better," he said with a glint in his eyes. "I'm giving you credit for him avoiding more community service."

Things got even better after that with Max winning the Grand Prix in what you could only describe as a complete masterclass.

As the celebrations wrapped up, you and Max found yourselves alone in the quiet of the garage, both still processing the day's whirlwind. He glanced at you, a hesitant warmth in his gaze.

Max reached for your hand, gently holding it, as if afraid you'd slip away again. "I'm glad you came, I've needed you here for a long time."

"I'm still not sure where we stand Max," you said unsure of how to deal with what you were feeling.

"As long as your standing next to me, I'll be okay," he said cheekily and you smiled. You knew that your relationship had a long way to go but maybe, just maybe, it was finally starting again.

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

Running to You

Word count: 725

Pairing: Lando Norris x reader

Summary: In the midst of a bustling paddock, Y/n, Lando’s biggest supporter, cheers him on with boundless pride, proving that to her, he’s already a champion—no matter the results.

______________________________________________________________

When Lando’s lap time solidified on the board, Y/n’s heart practically exploded with pride. She didn’t care that this was just qualifying — every single session felt monumental because she saw the effort he put in every day. With a laugh that was half a cry, she sprinted toward him, pushing through the paddock crowd until she was within arm’s reach.

“Lando!” she shouted, her voice trembling with excitement. He turned at the sound, and his face softened immediately as he saw her coming, a grin spreading across his face. Y/n didn’t slow down; she flung herself into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as he caught her effortlessly, pulling her close with a warm laugh.

“Oh my God, Lando, you were amazing!” she cried, her voice full of tears as she clung to him. “I’m so, so proud of you.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he cradled her against him. “Hey, it’s just quali, love,” he murmured softly, but his eyes shone with happiness.

“To me, it’s everything,” she replied, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. Her hands gently cupped his face, and she spoke so only he could hear. “You’re my champion, Lando. Every single lap, every single session, you give your all, and it’s incredible. I don’t need a title to know how amazing you are.”

He gazed at her, speechless for a moment, his eyes glistening with the emotion he didn’t often let himself show. “You make all of this worth it, you know,” he whispered, his voice rough. “Having you here… it’s like having my own little victory every day.”

Y/n’s eyes filled with happy tears, and she was about to reply when she heard a familiar voice call out, breaking into their little bubble.

“Oi, Lando, is your girlfriend crying for you or for your time?” George Russell teased, grinning from a few feet away, arms crossed as he watched them. Around him, a few other drivers had started to gather, each one of them wearing that familiar, playful grin that made Y/n roll her eyes.

She turned, standing a bit taller as she faced them, holding tightly onto Lando’s hand. “Oh, please,” she called out, waving them off. “As if any of you could pull off a lap like that!”

Pierre Gasly chuckled, feigning hurt as he nudged George. “Hey, I put in a pretty decent lap myself!”

“Sure, Pierre, but where’s your biggest fan?” Y/n teased right back, raising an eyebrow. “Unless you’ve got someone who’d sprint across the paddock to scream for you?”

The drivers all laughed, exchanging looks with each other, but Y/n could tell they knew they’d lost this one. Yuki Tsunoda raised his hands in mock surrender, grinning. “Alright, alright. We get it. Lando’s got a personal cheerleader, and the rest of us just have to live with that.”

Y/n grinned, crossing her arms as she leaned into Lando, who was laughing, his face red with both pride and embarrassment. “Exactly,” she replied with a smirk. “And I’ll be cheering louder than any of you guys can handle, so get used to it.”

Carlos Sainz gave a playful shrug, laughing. “Guess we know who’s winning the fan section today.”

As the drivers moved on, still chuckling and throwing each other good-natured teasing glances, Y/n turned back to Lando, feeling the world around them melt away again. She looked up at him, her hands moving to rest on his chest as she took a breath, her smile softening. “They can tease all they want,” she murmured. “But no one will ever understand how proud I am of you.”

He placed his hand over hers, his gaze tender as he looked down at her. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I got so lucky,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “I just know that having you here… it makes me feel like I’ve already won.”

Y/n felt her cheeks heat up, and she bit her lip to keep her emotions in check. “Well, get used to it,” she replied softly, brushing a hand across his cheek. “I’m always going to be here, cheering for you. In every race, every qualifying, every single lap… you’re my champion, Lando.”

“Good,” he whispered, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Because I’m never letting you go.”

[cherryswisherz]

roles reversed

toxic!paige x toxic!reader

warnings: smut, sub!paige, reader pushed paige into a wall, toxic toxic toxic situationship (LEAVE THEM IT NEVER ENDS WELL)

based on this req

"we be on some toxic shit, but i cannot get off this bitch"

forever (lil baby ft. fridayy, 2022)

-

this girl got me fucked up. 

"so let me get this straight." i asked, rubbing my temples because paige was giving me a fucking migraine. "you thought that i had a thing for your teammate.... so you FUCKED SOMEONE ELSE?"

"okay when you put it like that-" 

"THERES NO OTHER FUCKING WAY TO PUT IT PAIGE!" i was full on screaming at this point. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT I'M NOT NOR AM I GOING TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE?" 

"bro stop yelling at me." 

she was making demands right now? 

oh she has life all the way fucked up.

"get the fuck out paige."  i shook my head and began to walk to my room. 

i had to just end it.

that situationship shit was for the fucking birds and i had to protect my peace because if i handled it was gonna end up in fucking prison. 

"baby no, let's talk about this."

"oh i'm baby now?" i scoffed at this. "was i baby when you were fucking that girl? was i baby when you chose not to ask the simplest fucking question, and instead chose to step out on the rule that you  created?" i asked walking closer to her, with my fists clenched because at that point...

i needed that.

"or am i only baby when you need a rough fuck?" her eyes flicked from mine to my lips, which only further irritated me. "am im only baby after you've called me every other name in the book?" her tongue darted out against her bottom lip as i finally reached her, standing directly in front of her, daring her to break the eye contact i'd established. "you only want me when no one else is willing to let you do shit we do." i shoved her, making her stumble. 

"yo." she says, still holding eye contact. "chill out."

yeah i'm finna whoop her muhfuckin ass. 

"bro on my mama you got me fucked up." i muttered and start pushing her as hard as i could, saying whatever came to my mind. 

"you wanna fuck bitches now?" shove "that's what you wanna do?" shove "you wanna fuck them and then come here and fuck me like im just an afterthought?" shove "get the fuck out!" and then finally her back met the wall next to my door and i felt like i'd accomplished something.

....that was until she put me in a bear hug, making it damn near impossible to move. "y/n, stop bro!"

i used all my strength and ripped myself out of her hold. "NO YOU STOP!" i yelled. "do you have any idea how fucking annoying you fucking are bro?" i asked trying to catch my breath. "how the fuck do you sit there and make the 'no fucking other people' rule and then turn around and break it? you fucking slut."

 "i'm a slut?" she asked, smirking a little, but at this point i didn't give a damn. i was gonna say what i needed to say and then be done with this whole thing. 

"yes. a slut. a whore. whatever you wanna call yourself." i said, crossing my arms. "you never wanted to be exclusive. you just wanted me to be yours and only yours. but you wanna go give away everything that's mine. you're community pussy at this point." 

she practically howled at that. "community pussy is crazy." this bitch was laughing in my fucking face-

next thing i knew i was running towards her ready to molly whop her ass. 

"okay! okay! chillchillchillchill!" she put her hands up before i got to her, which made me stop. "what can i do to fix this?"

easy. 

"ask me to be your girlfriend." 

"anything but that." 

this is exactly why i was trying to smack her. because she's one of them dumb hoes. she just said 'what can i do?'... 

just stupid. 

all of a sudden an idea hit me. 

"let me fuck you." i crossed my arms and smirked because i knew she would give me the upper hand if i wanted it.  

paige wasn't a stone top. she was a switch, she just didn't do it often because i was the og pillow princess. but not today. today i was gonna do what she'd been doing to me for almost 6 months. 

ruin her. 

"oh?" she grinned. "you wanna top me baby?"

"i really wanna beat your ass but martin luther king said violence isn't the answer and i listen to my ancestors... so yes, this will do."

she chuckled a little which irked the fuck out of me but then she plopped on the couch and manspread. "do your worst." 

she had no fucking idea what my worst was.

i climbed in her lap and her hands moved to my ass but i quickly shut that down and pinned them to the couch on either side of her. then i proceeded to take her shirt and sports bra off so that her top half was completely bare. 

i took a moment to admire her. leaving paige alone would have honestly been so much easier if she was ugly but unfortunately, she's hand crafted by jesus himself, so here i was... delusional and pissed off again. 

i start with her neck, soft kisses at first, then as i felt her breathing pick up i switched to longer, more sensual movements and grind into her lap, smiling at the way her hips buck up. i place a hand on her collarbones and slide them down to her tits, kneading them and relishing in the whimpers escaping paiges lips. 

she tried to close her legs as my hands travel further down her body. 

"spread your legs." i demanded. 

she blinked a few times, her blue eyes finding mine. she looked like she couldn't comprehend what i was saying, but when i slid my hand across the space of her lap between us, she complied, eagerly spreading her legs for me. 

a soft sigh from her lips as my hands slipped past the waistband of her briefs and grazed her core. 

"yes, fuck," she breathed out, arching into my fingers that ran circles around her clit. so impatient. a moan fell from her lips as i sped up my pace, making her legs spread further as she chased her orgasm. 

which she seemed desperate for. that much was obvious by how gloriously wet she was for me. 

she gripped the cushions of my couch, moaning even louder when i slid two fingers into her. 

"right there" she breathed rolling her eyes closed as i hit her spot. she moaned especially loud when i curled my fingers into her. i felt her legs grow tight under me, which  made me want to smile with pride for myself. 

"how you feel p?" i felt her tighten around my fingers as i spoke. 

"close- im so close and- shit - it feels so good." she breathed out, chest rising and falling with each breath. 

i curled my fingers deeper inside of her to hit that spongy spot and soaked in the cry she let out. 

then i slid out of her.  leaving her hanging. 

"now how do you feel?" i asked. 

the look on paiges face was murderous and pained at the same time. like she hated this but she was gonna put up with it anyway. 

"like you're not done yet." 

i smiled. "not even close babe." i patted her thigh, stepping off of her lap. "go to my bed and wait for me." 

as i sauntered off into my hallway closet to t get he batteries i needed, i heard the soft patters of paiges sock covered feet hurrying to my bedroom. 

i grabbed the batteries and walked into my room to find paige sitting at the foot of my bed, rid of her bottoms, feet tapping the ground in what, im assuming, anticipation. 

i moved so i was standing directly in front of her, grabbing her jaw and pulling her into a kiss that even had me ready to let this whole thing go. 

luckily though, i had enough willpower to pull away and walk to my night stand. 

"lay down for me p." and she did. 

watching her like this was almost painful. bare, toned body layed out on my bed, and she was doing everything i'd asked without a second thought. 

i lived for this shit.

i was pulled out of my thoughts when paige asked what i was gonna do.

great fucking question. 

 i took my time, looking in the drawer of my nightstand, which held all of the things paige had often used to bring me to my highest points. 

not that she need them.

i decided to keep it simple and nabbed the black bullet shaped toy then made my way back to the gorgeous piece of woman that was losing her mind in my bed. 

"legs wider apart." i heard her breathe sharply as she drummed her fingers on her toned stomach. 

she was excited which made me feel a little bit better about what i was about to do. 

setting the toy down on bed beside paige, i knelt down so i was face to face with her core that was still primed from her denied orgasm earlier. 

god she was sooooo... FUCK.

"you're always acting like i'm just a quick fuck to you p." i ran two fingers up her folds, ignoring the whimper she let out, "and i don't know why." i slid a finger into her and leaned down so i fell face first into her pussy. 

her eyes rolled back as i rubbed circles on her clit and pumped in and out of her with increasing speed. 

her back arched off the bed when i added a second finger and attached my lips to her clit, sucking lightly but i used my free hand to hold her hips her place. 

i pulled back long enougt to say "watch." 

with hooded eyes she stares down at me like i had hung the moon and stars myself. 

as she fucking should.

loud moans echoed around the room as she leaned further into my touch and i knew she was getting close. 

but she wasn't getting off that easy. 

she whined my name the second i'd stopped touching her. 

but i only laughed as turned it on the vibrator, giggling when her previously shut eyes flew open. 

"baby-" she was cut off by her own gasp, jerking forward when i tapped the vibrator against her clit. 

"don't. cum." standing up so i was looking down at her i asked the million dollar question. "i wanna know why you don't wanna be my girlfriend." i murmured, teasing her her folds. "just give me your point of view." 

i knew how she was feeling because i'd been in this very position so many times before. I knew she probably couldn't even think straight, let alone speak, but that wasn't gonna stop me from fucking with her. 

she whimpered as i dipped the vibrator inside of her. 

"speak, paige." i demanded, sliding the toy back out of her, only to run it over her puffy clit earning me a frustrated groan. 

"because you're you and i'm me- shit-" she moaned, arching off the bed again as i held the vibrator softly on her clit. "w-we're just- fuck- so different and i don't wanna..." she trailed off when i applied more pressure. 

"don't what?" i forced out, admiring the way her hands were gripping my sheets. 

when she didn't answer me i turned the vibration up a notch, soaking in the moans and whimpers she gave me.  

"please," she pleaded as her legs began trembling. 

"you just have to give an answer paige and i'll let you cum." i replied, turning the vibrator up again. 

with a deep moans she finally gave in. "i don't wanna lose you" she basically sobbed. 

 that's all i needed.

"cum for me paige." 

her eyes slammed shut and her head flew back as her whole body shook. guttural moans left her throat as she fell apart in front of me. 

it was beautiful, really. 

when she'd ridden her orgasm out, i tossed the vibrator on the bed and laid between her legs that wrapped around my waist. kissing her deeply, and pushing her hair out of her face, i fought the smile that was forming. 

right now wasn't about proving my point. it was about grounding paige. 

her eyes were glazed over as she stared at the ceiling, catching her breath. and then after a few seconds, her hands slithered around my waist, under my shirt. 

with a sigh, she her eyes met mine and she began talking. "of course i want you to be mine. i think.... i think i'm just scared i'm gonna fuck it up and you're gonna be done with me for real."

"you're gonna lose me regardless if you don't figure this shit out p." i said, pulling up so i was straddling her naked body. "i can't keep doing this shit. this was never just sex and you going out doing whatever with whoever is fucking me up a little." 

"i know mama." she said, pulling me back so i was flush against her chest, hugging me tightly "i'm gonna work on it, i swear." 

and even though it sounded nice in the moment, i knew she was full of shit. she'd never change, and i knew it. 

but a piece of me never wanted to stop trying. 

niyah speaks may this type of love never find you guys

taglist: @patscorner @riyahtheballer @mattslolita @thaatdigitaldiary @janaelalfysblunt @mrsengstler @kmoneymartini @sageworld

@darkskinchristiandiorpostergirl @justliketoreadsowhat @authentic-girl03 @pb524830 @dnftpn @pboogerswbb @sierrale8ne @ohbueckers @mrsarnold @wbbgetsmewetter @paigesbabygirl @ch12334

[dragoness05]

not tagged but i'm butting in here because i feel like sharing

my preffered name is hassan! i'm considering trying out some other but idrk

he/they (genderfluid)

aquarius

i have one little brother! he's the opposite of me (i play drums, he plays violin; i prefer being alone or with close friends only, he loves being around people in general; i barely pass my classes and still can't bring myself to care, he gets worried if he gets anything other than an A; etc.)

no pets; I did have a dog for three days but then he ate a sock (he's fine dw) and my mom realized she couldn't handle the stress so we had to give him back T-T

soooo many. my main ones are sbg, aftg, and voltron atm

#020075 (dark blue ig? idk what to call it)

rock that shit by asteriasdeath

rick riordan ig? his characters were my only emotional support for a long time so

crocheting, reading, watching random stuff, etc.

short and sweet or long and thought-out to the point where it's basically its own book

halloween!!!

no thank you

i don't have any stories to tell rn so that's all for today!

@rot-decay-erosion @d011zk1ll @afrogwhocantdraw @catladymasterofsqirl @ohquail

@niredsw @icecream45123 @lee1504 @random-gamer1942 @blue-eyed-moon-child

+ open tags!

I got bored so here's a little get-to-know-you tag game I think could be fun :3

Name(s)

Pronouns

Star sign

# of siblings & fun facts about them (if you have any)

# of pets & their names

Fandoms

Favorite color

Favorite song

Favorite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, whatever!)

Hobbies

Favorite fic type

Favorite holiday

Do you have any partner(s)? (romantic, qpp, anything!)

Fun facts about you / anything extra you wanna share!

────────

Name(s): Loki (highly preferred), Elye

Pronouns : they/them mostly, he/she okay too

Star sign: Pisces

# of siblings: I've got 2! An older sister and a younger sibling. The fun fact about them is that they're also both queer; in fact, my mom is too. The only non-queer person in my immediate family is my dad.

# of pets: 4 cats! Phoebe & Frankie are our girls, Lenny and Murray are our boys :3

Fandoms: MCU (kind of), BSD, OFMD, Ranboo (does his fanbase count as a fandom?)

Fav. color: Don't have one

Fav. song: Aurora Borealis by Lemon Demon

Fav. author: Alice Oseman

Hobbies: singing, acting, drawing, writing, procrastinating

Fav. fic type: Fluff, definitely. I am a sucker for well written coffee-shop and flower-shop aus, too. Smut's fine, but only if it's romantic. I can't do angst if there's no comfort.

Fav. Holiday: Hanukkah or Halloween! I love autumn and winter

Partners?: Yes! I have a girlfriend (queerplatonic) who I love very much, and a boyfriend (romantic) who I love very much :]

Fun facts:

- Even though I'm a cat person, I really, really want a dog.

- I actually used to play sports. Because I don't do gendered leagues anymore, I don't play, but I've been looking for mixed/gender-neutral/queer sports teams. Baseball and basketball specifically!

- I started questioning my identity in 2019; I'm no closer to finding a label now than I was then. The difference is, now I don't want a label. I just am. :]

tags: @neonganymede @cha0ticlesbian @x-chiara @exceleo @brinnybee @autistic-katara @gandalfthemorallygrey @ohboyanotherlokiblog @roachandrenfri @ourflagmeanslokius @exceleo @edettethegreat @swiftlyspidey

[arc-misadventures]

So I was re-reading Friends AU just for the kick in the teeth and I'd love to see more positive Jaune/Winter friendships (despite the birthday incident)

A Game of Chess

Jaune: The first move is yours.

Winter smiled as she sat down, and moved a kings pawn forward. She watched, Jaune's 'acquaintances' run off to grab a hotdog, effortlessly abandoning their 'friend' like useless trash. Winter had long since started to understand why, Jaune had long since stopped seeing, if ever seeing these people as his 'friends.'

But, that... they did not matter now. All that mattered right now was this game of chess, and spending time with, Jaune.

Winter: Tell me, have you really been here all day, Jaune.

Jaune: Yes...

Winter: All alone?

Winter watched carefully as his eyes nervously darted to the side before return to address, Winter.

Jaune: A-All alone... Everyone was gone playing, hide, and go seek... so...

Winter: I see. So you were here all alone, just playing chess?

Jaune: Not all the time... Sometimes I just reset the chess board, and stare at it for a while.

Winter: Why?

Jaune moves a queens knight onto the field as his mind planned for the hundredth move that could be made.

Jaune: Setting up the board... I find it to be... calming. Everything in it's place, everything is peaceful. Back at home I would pullout my chess set, and set it up, not to play a game, just set it up, and I feel calm.

Winter: Because it's calming...

Winter took in his words with a hint of sorrow in her voice. To find peace in something so simple sounded like a luxury to her.

Jaune: Is something wrong?

Winter: Oh, it's just sounds nice to simply set up a board game, and to feel an air of calmness to yourself. I never had such a privilege with my father constantly harassing me for one thing, or another. But, maybe now things will change...

Winter moved another queens pawn forward, before turning to look at, Jaune giving her a question gaze.

Winter: What?

Jaune: What do you mean by that; 'Maybe now?" Did something happen?

Winter: Oh yes, you have been here all day so you wouldn't know... My father, Jacques Schnee... He's dead.

Jaune's eyes blinked for a moment, before his head cocked to the side as a confused grunt escaped his lips.

Jaune: Huh?

Winter: Jacques Schnee is dead. He was murdered in the panic room in homes mansion.

Jaune: In the panic room; How?

Jaune moved his queens knight forward taking, Winter's pawn putting her in a precarious position.

Winter: That's the million Lien question... I have a few theories myself, but those theories are worthless without any more information on how he died. Well, how they got into the panic room; a slit throat doesn't need an explanation.

Jaune: Well... I'm sorry...?

Winter made her move before turning to look at, Jaune.

Winter: Are you asking that as a question?

Jaune: Well... He's your dad, and he's dead. But, it's, Jacques Schnee. So...?

Winter leaned back in her stool, as she looked towards the sky, deep in thought.

Winter: Ohhh... My father... Jacques Schnee has been murdered... How could someone do this...?!

Winter drops her face in her hand, and 'cries' at the lost of her father. She opens her fingers to peak at, Jaune's reaction. Or, more accurately, lack of emotion.

Winter: Unconvincing?

Jaune: Were you ever convinced when your father said: 'I love you?'

Jaune moved another pawn freeing one of his rooks.

Winter: Ohhh... how rude.

Winter smiled as she move another pawn freeing up her queen.

Winter: It is as you say, he may be my father, but it was, Jacques Schnee. That bastard would do anything for a Lien. He even tried to sell me off to gain a foothold in another company.

Jaune: Wait, seriously?

Jaune paused as he took in, Winter's words before moving his rook forward.

Jaune: Are you being serious? Cause, I can't tell if you're just exaggerating, or being serious, because it sounds like something he would do.

Winter: He tried to marry me off to men twice my age. When I was ten!

Jaune: Oh gods...

Winter: Mother put an end to those attempts, and said I couldn't do it until I was at least of marriageable age. The next time it happened though, I thought she would stop him, but she had succumbed to the bottle at the time. I could at least dodge his prodding, when I enlisted into the military.

Jaune: But, she still protected you.

Winter: How?

Winter asked as her pawn took, Jaune's knight.

Jaune: You weren't old enough that you could protect yourself from his scheming's. Willow... Ahem... Mrs... Miss, Schnee bought you time. Time for you to grow to become strong enough to protect yourself.

Jaune made this observation as she moved his rook to the middle of the board.

Winter's body stopped as she was about to touch her queen before she leaned back to lean, and stared wide eyed at, Jaune.

Winter: She did protect me...? How?

Jaune: There are three ways to protect a person: You give them a shield to protect themselves from harm. You give them a blade to fight back from those that would harm you. Or, you give them a cloak to hide them from harm. Your mom couldn't give a sword, or a shield, so she gave you a cloak to hide yourself long enough so that you could acquire your own sword, and shield.

Jaune: Your mother gave you a cloak which gave you time; Time to learn, time to grow, time that made it so you were able protect yourself, Much needed time so you would no longer need her cloak to hide yourself from his dealings.

Winter: She gave me her cloak... I.. I never saw it that way. But, why didn't she protect, Weiss as well? She could have protected her as well.

Jaune: Where was, Willow's shield? Where was her blade? And, where was , Willow's cloak? Who was protecting her, while she was protecting you?

Winter: Oh...

Winter: Mother had to deal with the brunt of, Jacques's abuse head on, while she protected me, and Weiss as best she could. No wonder she fled to the bottom of a bottle.

Winter made her next move, and put her queen into the field.

Winter: It seems I need to apologize to my mother. There are many things I did not understand... Well, at least with, Jacques dead mother may stop drinking.

Jaune: Hopefully, it's not easy breaking an addiction.

Winter: I'll make sure she does, I promise.

Jaune: Good.

Jaune moves his kings pawn forward, putting it in a rather odd location which gave, Winter pause.

Winter: Hmmm...? What are you planning...?

Jaune: A shopping list.

Winter: A-A shopping list?

Jaune: Yeah, I took a mission slay a, Karniviar. It's a bit out of the ways, so I'll need so stock up on some supplies before I got to hunt it down.

Winter: A Karniviar; Is that a type of, Grimm?

Winter asked as she moved her queens bishop to protect her queen while, Jaune pulls out his scroll, and shows, Winter a picture of the, Grimm he was going to hunt.

Winter: Oh... I have never seen this kind of, Grimm before...

Jaune: It's a rare species of, Grimm. Researcher's are not sure what class the, Karniviar fits into. Most people think it's one of the reclusive types, that hid in the wilderness until it grows big enough to cause mayhem.

Winter: I see... That's quite a lot of bone plating... It will be quite difficult for your team to punch through that.

Jaune: Nahh... I'm more concerned with that tail flailing about then how thick it's bone plating is. There are plenty of chinks in it's armour to exploit. I shouldn't have a hard time dealing with it. Checkmate.

Winter's mind stopped when he said that. She became as stiff as a statue as her mind slowly rebooted.

Winter: W-When did your bishop get there? No wait, 'I?' Are you going to deal with that, Grimm all on your own?!

Jaune: I'll explain how I won first: You were focusing on the fact I haven't moved my queen, thinking that my plan was to move my other pieces into the perfect position so I could suddenly use my queen, and go for the kill. When in actuality the plan was to make you think I had some sort of grand plan with my queen in mind, when I never had any intention of using her, and was instead focusing on getting my other pieces into the perfect position. And, then go for the kill.

Winter: You came up with a strategy where the entire plan was to make me think you were going to move one piece, and you never planned to touched that one piece.

Jaune: Yep.

Winter: ...

Winter: That... That is a terrifying strategy. Less so than the fact that was your plan, but more so that you actually did it, and I never saw it coming until it was too late.

Jaune: Thank you.

Winter: Your welcome. Now, what's this bit about you taking on this, Karniviar all on your own?

Jaune: Why I took the mission, or why am I doing this all on my own?

Winter: Are they not related?

Jaune: Somewhat. I never heard of a, Karniviar before so I did some research on it. It's armour platting that requires high caliber AP rounds to pierce. It's claws posse the capabilities to tear through one inch of solid steel,. It possess a bight force of an estimated 20,000 psi. And, while it tail spike can pierce through an, Atlasian Knight with ease. All in all it is considered on it's own a, C Class threat. It was a, C Class level threat when I selected it from the mission listing. This one however, should have been classified as a, B Class threat, possibly even an A Class threat due to its location.

Winter: It's location? Where is it located?

Jaune: Near where the, Karniviar was seen, is atown called, Breakers Peak. A fishing town that supplies fifty to sixty precent of, Atlas's raw fish, which counts for approximately thirty percent of Atlas, and Mantles overall food supply.

Jaune: If the, Grimm attacks this town, and even destroys part of the town, just a small section of the town it could have massive repercussions towards their food production. If this happens it would affect, Atlas's, and Mantle's food supply, even if thirty percent is knocked down to ten percent it will still affect everything as well. The price of fish go up, and then any ingredients involved with cooking fish goes up; cooking oil, flour, eggs, their price goes up as well. And, if the price of food goes up people get worried, and if the people get worried...

Winter: The Grimm get rowdy.

Jaune: Correct.

Winter let loose a tired sigh as she face rubbed her face. Her mind was running wild at how a single, Grimm, which would be seen as a minor nuisance, could possibly lead to a total upheaval of, Atlas, and Mantle if not dealt with. Expeditiously.

Winter: When did you think of.. all of this?

Jaune: I did some research of the, Karniviar as I said, after that I did some research of the area it is was spotted in.

Winter: And, then you learned about, Breakers Peak, and studied up on the town. Learning about how they are a fishing village, and how much fish they precure for, Atlas, and Mantle. And, if this particular, Grimm attack the town.

Jaune: The ramifications could be dire. The towns defenses' are decent enough to deal with, Sabyr class, Grimm attacks. But, I doubt they would survive an attack with from this, Karniviar. Not to mention if one, Grimm such as this one attacks the town, more could soon follow.

Jaune: So, I consider this to be an, B Class threat at least, that should be dealt with as soon as possible.

Winter: All on your own?

A weak smile spread across, Jaune's face as he looked away. Before looking at, Winter with a tired, and sad look in her eyes.

Jaune: I asked if anyone would join me...

Winter: And, what did they say?

Jaune: They never got back to me...

Winter: Ahh, so you're taking this alone because no one said... anything?

Jaune: Pretty much. But, I felt that this mission should be done, even if its all on my own.

Winter: I see... Very well then. When do we leave?

Jaune: ...?

Jaune: Beg my pardon... But, did you say, 'We?'

A coy smirk spread across her face as stared, Jaune down.

Winter: I won't let you take this creature all on you own, Jaune. Besides, after you thoroughly defeated me in this game of chess, I'm curious to see what kind of strategy you would come up to deal with it. So, what do you say, Jaune, ready to go, Grimm hunting?

Jaune returned her smirk with one of his own.

Jaune: Tomorrow morning, so you better get ready to leave first thing in the morning. Okay?

Winter: Alright, I'll meet you at the landing pads around, 0800 hrs.

Jaune: I'll see you then, Winter. In the meantime I am quite hungry... w-would you care to join me for a meal? We can discuss more about the mission there.

Winter: I... I would like that...

Jaune: That's great... Uhhh... I know several nice dinners around here... Is there anything in particular you would be interested in eating?

Winter smiled as she gave him a cheeky look.

Winter: You know... I suddenly have an odd craving for fish.

Jaune returned her cheeky smile with one of his own.

Jaune: You don't say...? Well, I know this really great place that serves the best fish 'an chips. Care to join me?

Winter: You know... I never had fish, and chips before.

Jaune: Oh? Well then, let's go fix that then, shall we?

Winter: Lets.

[juniperskye]

I Can’t Do This.

Sneak peek: Reader is recently off of a long-term undercover operation (similar to Emily’s) that left her in a bad way. Director Cruz reaches out, assigning her to the BAU. After speaking to her therapist and expressing her concerns, they come up with a solution of how to inform her new boss of some of the horrors she endured on her mission. Hotch keeps a close eye on her, being careful not to trigger her…until one day, he accidentally does in the worst way. ITALLICS ARE FLASHBACKS! BOLD ARE THERAPY SESSIONS.

Aaron Hotchner x (Fem) BAU! Reader

Angst/Fluff

Word count: 5605

REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI,YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. age gap (reader is in their 20’s and Hotch is in his 40’s), explicit language, mention of canon typical violence, mention of therapy, reader attends regular therapy sessions, mention of a toxic previous “relationship”, mention of a previous dom/sub dynamic, murder, talk of trafficking, forced consent (reader is working the undercover op) mention of previous abuse and manipulation, some use of y/n, Hotch accidentally triggering the reader, let me know if I missed anything!

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

“Y/n it has been three months since you returned from your undercover op, it’s time. The BAU needs an additional agent, and you’d make a great addition. It’s really not up for discussion.” Director Cruz ended with finality.

“I really don’t think I am ready. Director Cruz, I know it has been three months, and you guys have been so gracious with the paid leave, but I’m still working through everything I went through when I was under.” You explained.

“Your therapist and the FBI issued psych eval have both cleared you to return y/n. You’re joining the BAU. You’ll begin next Monday.” Cruz decided.

“Okay.”

With that you stood and exited his office. It’s not that you didn’t want to work for the BAU, in fact, under normal circumstances you’d have been begging for this placement. But after everything you endured while undercover, you weren’t sure you could handle being on a team, especially not one run by Aaron Hotchner.

--

“You were recommended to me by Sheri, did she tell you anything about me?” He questioned.

“She mentioned you were looking for someone who knew how to follow rules.” You answered.

You had been assigned to an undercover operation in which a very powerful man would finally be brought to justice. Emilio Alvatorre, one of FBI’s most wanted. This man did unspeakable things and lucky for you, he was in the market for a new submissive. Normally the FBI wouldn’t jump at putting an agent in this kind of situation, however, in this case Emilio was known to keep his subs knelt at his side in his office. That would mean that you would be privilege to information that could take him down.

“So, are you good at following rules?” Emilio said in a voice meant to be sexy, but it was truly repulsive.

Leaning in to whisper in his ear, “The best.”

--

“I’m worried that Agent Hotchner is going to give me a directive and that I will follow it whether I agree with it or not. I am terrified that I have completely lost myself, and that I will just blindly follow.” You explained.

“Y/n we’ve talked about this, you are strong, you are capable of making decisions and speaking up for yourself.”

“Yeah but being at the BAU with Agent Hotchner, he’s a very commanding and dominant man, what if I fall right back into…” You trailed off.

“He is commanding and dominant, but he isn’t Emilio. I am going to give you some homework, and then I’d like to see you again on Thursday so we can go over it before you join the BAU Monday.”

“You’re right. What’s the homework?” You asked.

“I want you to first come up with a list of coping strategies for when you begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed on the job. Then I want you to write a letter to read to Agent Hotchner giving him some insight as to what you have been through.”

“Absolutely not! Sylvia I can’t do that!”

“Y/n I am not asking you to give him all the details, just a little bit that might help him to know you.”

“Fine.”

--

You had a hard time figuring out what to put in the letter to Agent Hotchner, debating what was too much versus what was too little to say. How much did he need to know, how much were you comfortable sharing…it was all becoming a bit much.

Ultimately, you’d written something up along with a perfect list of coping strategies that you knew would satisfy your therapist.

After meeting with her on Thursday and going over what you came up with, and allowing her to help you tweak a few things, your body filled with dread, anxiously awaiting Monday morning when you’d have to go into the BAU.

--

Director Cruz escorted you to the floor that houses the BAU, bringing you into Agent Hotchner’s office for introductions. You felt like you had just walked out on a stage completely naked with the way all the other agents were looking at you.

“Hotchner, this is Agent y/n. I sent over her file last week. She is going to start with the BAU today.” Director Cruz announced.

“Yes, I saw your email. It is nice to finally meet you.” Agent Hotchner greeted.

“Y/n would you excuse us for just a moment, I’d like to speak to Hotch here.”

Without another word you followed the director’s order. You stepped out of the office and stood patiently waiting for their conversation to end.

--

“She’s anxious.” Spencer mumbled.

“Wouldn’t you be?” Emily replied.

“No, look at her, she’s digging her nails into her palms, a light sweat has broken out on her neck, her heartrate has increased slightly, and she hasn’t looked up at us once. She’s probably suffering from severe anxiety.” Spencer rambled.

“Don’t profile the newbie Spence.” Emily scolded, patting his shoulder.

--

“Alright, y/n go on in and Hotch will fill you in on what his expectations for you are.” Director Cruz headed off.

With a light knock, you awaited Agent Hotchner’s approval before entering his office once again. Mentally chastising yourself for your submissive actions.

“Agent y/n, please, have a seat.” Hotch gestured.

You sat in one of the chairs across from him.

“It says here in your file that you’re recently returning from a twelve-month assignment. I noticed the assignment isn’t labeled as classified, but quite a bit of it was redacted. Can you speak on that at all?” Hotch inquired.

“Agent Hotchner, if it is okay with you, I have somethings I’d like to discuss. Some of which is relevant of that case, but it is primarily regarding the effects that case had on me.”

“Go ahead.” Hotch nodded.

“The undercover op I was working put me in a position in which I was forced and manipulated to blindly following directions from someone. I had to do this for twelve months, and since then, I have had a pretty hard time finding my voice again. Certain things can be triggering for me, so I wrote up some things for you, with the help of my therapist. There are coping strategies that I may need to utilize and there are somethings there for you, to navigate situations that may come up.” You were worried that this was all going to lead to Hotch doubting your ability to do this job. “I also want to make it known that I told the Director that I wasn’t ready to return to work.”

“Thank you for sharing this, I think it’ll help me to make your transition back to work smooth. As for you being ready, I think you sharing that information shows a lot about your strength and I think you are more than ready to be here.”

--

“Kneel.” Emilio ordered with a snap of his fingers.

You slowly dropped to your knees, sitting back on your heels and resting your palms on the tops of your thighs, your gaze focused on the frayed rug that covered the hardwood floor in front of you.

“Bring him in.” Emilio spoke into the intercom that connects him to his security.

The guards drag in a man who appears to be near death, clearly beaten. Emilio rests a hand on your head, gently petting your hair before speaking in a tone you don’t recognize.

“I heard you’ve been snooping around. Talking to Jeremy and his guys.” Emilio spat.

“I haven’t sir I swear!” The man was begging for his life.

“I don’t like snakes.” Emilio raised his gun and shot the man point blank.

You couldn’t help but flinch at the sound. A strong hand was quick to grip your chin.

“Flinching is a sign of weakness. I can’t have a pet that is weak.” His grip tightened “Are you weak?”

“No sir.” You reassured.

“Good.”

--

Working with the BAU had been going well, Hotch had truly been incredible. He’d encouraged you to share your thoughts and theories while on cases. He also reminded you to use your coping strategies when the cases became particularly overwhelming.

Like today for example. The team was working on a case that was taking a toll on you, mentally and emotionally. Women were being kidnapped then brutally tortured and left for dead in the street. It was becoming increasingly difficult to detach yourself from what these women must’ve been feeling.

Hotch was quick to notice the change in your demeanor and he made it a point to assign you with Spencer at the precinct. You were tightening up the victimology while Spencer worked on the geographical profile. You had come to the conclusion that the unsub was targeting victims primarily on their looks, they had all been of similar height, had same color hair and eyes. Worse than that…they all kind of looked like you. The sound of Derek and Emily approaching made your stomach sink. Spencer had clearly picked up on your anxiety since you’d been with the BAU, but the others, not so much.

“Hey guys, what did you find out?” Emily inquired.

“Well, I’ve narrowed down the geographical profile. This area right here…” Spencer gesture to the map covering the screen “this is his comfort zone, all the abductions and dumpsites fall within this five-block radius.”

“What about you new girl?” Derek nudged you gently.

“I looked into all the victims, and they all were approximately the same height and build, same color hair and eyes. I spoke to Penelope; she confirmed that all of the women frequented the same coffee shop.” You explained.

Hotch, Rossi, and JJ all entered just in time to hear Derek confirm your thoughts…which led to a suggestion that made your heart sink.

“Y/n these girls all kind of look like you...” Derek walks over to where their pictures are pinned up to the board. “Maybe we should send you to the coffee shop undercover. It could help us find this guy.”

You heart was pounding, causing a loud whooshing sound to drown out your hearing. You closed your fists and dug your nails into your palms. You could feel the sweat breaking out along your forehead.

In and out…deep breaths. You reminded yourself of the coping strategies you’d come up with for instances like this. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

“Absolutely not!” Hotch commanded, shaking you from your thoughts while simultaneously distracting the others from your very obvious panic attack.

“Hotch man come on! She fits the victimology perfectly; it could end this case if she could catch his attention.” Derek argued.

“It’s not up for discussion. I will not send a new agent undercover, not until she is more comfortable on this team. Undercover ops like that require a significant level of trust, one that she may not have yet.” Hotch shut Derek down.

“We know he must go to this coffee shop; JJ and I could go in and watch. Keep an eye out for a man acting suspicious.” Emily suggested.

“Good, first thing tomorrow.” Hotch said before dismissing the team for the evening.

--

“Sir, is it safe to be talking about this…with her here?”

“Are you questioning me?” Emilio sneered. “My pet is well behaved. I wouldn’t have her here if I thought otherwise. Who are you to question my decisions?” His voice raised.

“I’m sorry sir! I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I just wasn’t sure.”

“Don’t let it happen again. Now I’ll ask again. What is the update on the shipment?” Emilio demanded.

“There are going to be three crates in the shipping container. The boat is set to anchor Friday at midnight.”

“And everything we were promised will be there?” Emilio asked.

“Well, not the girls. This shipment is just the weapons.”

“Excuse me?” Emilio’s expression turned sinister.

You were knelt by his desk like always. This conversation had been one you were banking on; it was hopefully going to allow your team to pick him and his associates up. Only, this conversation had taken a turn that you weren’t expecting. His shipments thus far had only contained drugs and weapons, so why was he asking about girls?

“I was assured that everything would be included. How fucking hard is it to follow orders?” Emilio shouted, his fist slamming onto his desk.

You sat still, silently taking in the situation. That night you’d check in with your team and fill them in on the new information. You just needed to get the logistics of when the second shipment would arrive, and honestly, you were scared Emilio would kill this guy before you got that information.

“I know boss. They told me that the girls would be here soon. There was an issue getting paperwork for some of them. But it should all be worked out now.”

“I need a date and time. By the end of the day. Otherwise, you’re done.” Emilio hissed. He then brushed his hand over your head. “C’mon pet, let’s go to bed. And you, I’ll be expecting your call.”

Going to bed with Emilio had initially been the worst part of this assignment. Thankfully he’d had you STD tested which meant you were both clean, and he’d ensured you received birth control shots. The sex had surprised you; you had expected it to be rough and painful but, it had been soft and gentle. Emilio whispered sweet nothings to you, and he held you close, and he’d carefully bathe you afterwards.

It may be sick and twisted…but it didn’t bother you, having sex with him.

--

A light knock at your door had startled you. You made your way over to check the peephole, and there he was waiting patiently.

“Hotch, is everything okay?”

“I should be asking you that. Morgan was out of line suggesting we send you in.”

“It’s okay, really. He doesn’t know any better.”

Hotch gave you a sympathetic look. You could tell he was doing everything in his power not to profile you. You appreciated his effort, and it truly was endearing. Around Hotch, you’d started to feel more comfortable around him and his consistent care of you and your mental health had been the thing that drew you in. He cared so much, and it meant the world to you.

“You seemed nervous earlier, does that have to do with the undercover assignment you worked?”

“Yes.”  You sighed.

In the last two months of being with the BAU, you and Hotch had been teetering this fine line of coworkers and more. It wasn’t necessarily leaning toward something romantic, at least that’s what you were both trying to convince yourselves of but, it had definitely become a friendship. Hotch had allowed you a safe space in which you were starting to feel like yourself again. He had never pushed you for information about your past and he continuously checked in with you to make sure you were comfortable and okay. More recently though, as things like what happened today occurred, you have felt like maybe you should tell Hotch a little more about what you endured.

“You know, if you ever want to talk about it, I am here for you. I don’t want you to feel pressured or like you have to tell me anything! But if you should choose, I’d listen.” Hotch admitted.

“I was sent in undercover to investigate Emilio Alvatorre…” You began.

“Emilio Alvatorre? He was one of FBI’s most wanted! Lucrative arms dealer, importing drugs…I heard he was ultimately brought down for sex trafficking.” Hotch was stunned.

“Yeah, that was me. Emilio took part in a certain lifestyle; he is a dominant and he was seeking a new submissive…and I guess I fit the bill. He essentially owned me, and he referred to me as his pet. It was my job to follow his orders blindly, and I did.”

“What was it like?” Hotch questioned.

“Well…

--

“Good morning pet.” Emilio purred pressing a kiss right below your ear.

“Mmm, good morning sir. Can I make you breakfast?” You offered.

“No darling, the cook will prepare our meal. I think it is sweet you still ask.” His kisses travelled down your neck.

“Do you have meetings today?” You inquired.

“Today is all about you pet. We are going to get you some new clothes, shoes, and maybe a new necklace. I want to spoil you today! We are celebrating!” Emilio gushed.

It was the moments like this that fucked with your mind the most. Emilio could be so kind and gentle, he wanted to take care of you and in the time you’d been with him, it had been increasingly easier to let him. But then there were moments when he turned dark…the other side of him came to light and you couldn’t help but question your mind.

“Boss…” Emilio’s associate barged into the office, only to find you bent over his desk while he pounded into you from behind.

“Not now!” Emilio growled.

“But boss!” This guy really couldn’t take the hint.

Emilio wasn’t one who took well to being interrupted, in any aspect of his life. So, when this associate decided what he had to say was more important than Emilio’s time…you knew it would be bad.

Emilio’s hips never faltered, not upon the initial interruption and certainly not when he leaned to the side, grabbed his gun, and shot the man standing in the doorway. You pinched your eyes shut, knowing better than to react to the horrific sight before you. Emilio continued thrusting, his grunts becoming more erratic, and when he finally finished, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of your neck.

“Go run a hot bath. Get in and wait for me. I need to go see about this issue and get this cleaned up.” Emilio stated as he assisted you in standing upright.

“Yes sir.”

--

“It was really hard for me to deal with the two sides of him. I became confused and my mind was so foggy as to whether or not he was truly awful. And I know that so much of that is the manipulation of being his submissive, but I was with him for a year, it was easy to forget what things had been like before Emilio.” You trailed off.

“I can’t even imagine all the things you must’ve seen and gone through in that time. I can understand why you weren’t sure about joining the BAU initially…but I am really glad you did.” Hotch expressed, placing his hand atop your own.

“I’m glad I did too.”

--

The next morning Emily and JJ were sent into the coffee shop that all the victims frequented, and they couldn’t track the unsub. Either he was far too subtle, or he hadn’t shown up. The team was currently in the precinct trying to figure out the next steps, when Derek suggested it again.

“I still think y/n should go undercover, it’s our best bet in finding this guy. What do you say new girl?”

You were taken aback; your mind was screaming at you to decline. You weren’t ready for this, going undercover, blindly following team orders. It’s for the greater good though, isn’t it?

“I could do that.”

“Morgan, I already said it’s not happening. She isn’t ready.” Hotch commanded.

“Hotch, we have all had to go undercover. There is no reason that she can’t go into the coffee shop and order a freaking latte. We will all be there to keep her safe, just like any other case!” Morgan was practically shouting.

“It’s okay. I can do it.”

“Y/n you don’t have to do this. Not if you aren’t comfortable.” Hotch was obviously trying to profile you based on his expression.

“I’m okay. I’ll do it.”

--

You were ordering a coffee, meanwhile Spencer was sitting in the back of the café reading a book and Rossi was in line, about three patrons behind you. Hotch insisted on sitting at a table just outside the entrance to keep a close eye on everyone coming and going. JJ, Derek, and Emily were all in the surveillance van parked across the street, waiting for the signal.

After you received your coffee, you found a seat at an empty table. It wasn’t long before a man approached you. He was tall and clearly strong; he had a very sinister aura that gave you the chills.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked.

“Oh, sure.” You agreed.

The man sat, but only after he moved the chair closer to you. He was talking to you, but you were having a hard time listening. You were silently begging the guys to come to help and get him away from you.

“You know, you’re really pretty. Why don’t we get out of here? We could go get lunch.” The man suggested.

“Oh, I’m not sure I should.”

“C’mon, be a good girl and get up.” His tone became more aggressive.

You stood up without a second thought, much to the unsub’s delight. He grabbed your arm in a bruising grip and began leading you out of the café.

“They’re on the move. Why is she going with him? This wasn’t the plan.” Derek exclaimed.

Hotch’s demeanor instantly changed. After you opened up to him about your previous assignment, he understood now why you had seemingly always followed orders willingly, only your willingness had been conditioned. Instilled in you through the manipulation of a very dangerous man.

“I got it.” Hotch

Hotch stood up and turned abruptly, purposefully plowing into you and the unsub. He made a move that shifted you away from the unsub and placed himself between you.

“Oh, I am so sorry!” Hotch feigned innocence.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Watch where you’re going asshole. Let’s get out of here.” The unsub reached for your arm once more.

“She’s not going anywhere with you.”

“You want to bet?”  he said, pulling a gun from his waistband and pointing it directly at your head.

You didn’t flinch, in fact you didn’t move a muscle. All the while everyone else sprung into action. Hotch tried to talk him down while the rest of the team surrounded him on all sides. You had stood there completely disassociated while this man threatened your life and ultimately met his untimely end via Emily’s weapon.

--

“Y/n would you please come to my office?” Hotch requested.

You silently followed Hotch to his office. You were wringing your hands, hoping that he wouldn’t reprimand you for your behavior today. You couldn’t handle disappointing people.

“You didn’t even flinch. You had a gun pointed at you and you didn’t even blink. You also willingly left the café with him, which was not a part of the plan we had discussed.” Hotch stated, his tone calm.

“I’m sorry Hotch. He told me to get up and I just…I wasn’t sure what to do. I know we needed to catch the guy.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt.” Hotch admitted. “I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt. I also don’t want you to agree to do things simply because someone tells you to. Like agreeing to go undercover.”

“I don’t know how to do that. Disagree I mean. I’m not sure I have that in me anymore.” You did everything in your power to keep the tears at bay. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Y/n I’m not disappointed. I do think that it is very important you continue to work with your therapist.”

“I will.”

--

“…and I just stood there.”

“Y/n you we conditioned for over a year to sit still when any sort of firearm was shot, you watched people die right in front of you. You were covered in their blood and forced to remain kneeling until instructed otherwise. I can’t say I am entirely surprised that you didn’t react to having a weapon pointed at you. What does surprise me though was that you agreed to going undercover.” Sylvia finished.

“I knew it was our best option to finding this unsub. I fit the victimology, and I was able to fish him out. It was a no-brainer.” You shrugged.

“Now that sound like someone making a rational decision.” Sylvia smirked.

“Yeah well, after the case Hotch called me out and I felt like a child being scolded. I could barely hold back tears.”

“Why do you think that is?” She pressed.

“I don’t know. I guess, I’m afraid of not being good enough and worse, disappointing him.”

“The only person you should be worried about disappointing is yourself. Y/n you have made huge strides in the last five months and as long as you stay true to yourself, you will continue to do so.”

--

The months went on, as did the cases and your therapy sessions. Oddly enough, you had started to feel more like yourself. Things with the BAU have started to become easy, you were opening up little by little to the others and you were getting better at making your own decisions.

Hotch had also noticed the change. It had warmed his heart to see you really coming into your own, to really get to know the real you. Which had only strengthened his feelings toward you, causing him to work extra hard to shove them down. Rossi knew simply from the look Hotch gave you, but that’s a story for another time.

The team had been working back-to-back cases all over the country for the last few weeks. It had been exhausting and the team were getting to a point where everyone was snippy. Lack of sleep had led to a horrible lack of patience, and the local officers weren’t making matters any better.

“What if we were wrong, I think the unsub is a woman. I mean look at the attention to detail in the clean up and at how the bodies were presented.” You offered.

“Y/n could be right; a woman would take the time to be precise and it would explain the…”

Before Spencer could finish his thought, Officer Riley decided to provide his own theories.

“There is no way it is a woman. They don’t have the courage to take care of people like this. That’s why the statistic proves that the unsub is a man.”

“With all due respect, women are just as capable of murder as men, and when they do it they are often far more meticulous which is why that fits better here.” You explained.

“Well, with all due respect ma’am, I’ve been doing this job longer than you could walk.”

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t bother hiding your surprise.

“All I’m saying sweetheart, is that perhaps you’d be better off getting us some coffee.” Officer Riley sneered.

“Last time I checked, I’m the one working for the FBI and not some Podunk little police station in the middle of nowhere, Idaho. So how about you back off and let us finish our…”

“Y/N TAKE A SEAT.” Hotch demanded.

Despite your shock at Hotch’s tone toward you, you took a seat without hesitation.

“Officer Riley, please let my agents do their work. We have much more important things to be doing than arguing about the duties of a woman.” Hotch chided.

“Well, you clearly agree with me given the fact that you gave her an order. If you’d been on her side you’d have probably told me off.” Riley turned to you, “and you clearly do know how to listen to a man in charge. Perhaps I misjudged you.”

With that, Riley made his leave with a low chuckle, and you sat there considering what had just happened. Hotch had commanded you to sit down knowing full well you’d comply, that way he could deal with Riley without you continuing to tell him off. He used what he knew about you against you, despite all the conversations you’ve had with him. Despite him knowing full well your fear of blindly following orders.

“I can’t believe you.” You stood up and walked out, heading straight for the precinct exit.

“Y/n wait!” Hotch followed you.

As you landed on the sidewalk just upon the exit, Hotch’s had made its way around your upper left arm in a desperate attempt to slow you down and hear him out. Only you were in no mood to listen to him or anyone else right now. All you felt was the sense of betrayal blooming in your chest.

As he swung you back around to face him, you did something that shocked even you. You right arm followed around, landing a harsh slap to Hotch’s cheek. Your breathing was ragged, a look of surprise painting your features…a look of guilt flooding Hotch’s.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” You paused.

“No, Y/n I am so sorry I shouldn’t have-” Hotch pleaded.

“I need to go. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” With that you left, calling a taxi, and heading back to the hotel.

--

“YOU STUPID BITCH! HOW COULD YOU?” Emilio Screamed, lunging toward you.

“Emilio I didn’t, I just…I”

Emilio wrapped his hand around your throat, harshly choking you as SWAT swarmed the shipyard. They quickly made their way to you, removing Emilio from his position over you. As they pulled him away you couldn’t help but watch him.

“Kneel Pet!” Emilio commanded.

You couldn't help but follow his order. Immediately dropping to your knees, resting your hands atop your thighs and letting your gaze fall to the ground.

“I will always own you! You will always be my pet, perfectly broken in!” Emilio hollered as they put him in the back of a vehicle.

“Y/n you’re okay, lets get you up and checked out.” Your unit commander suggested.

Only you didn’t move. You couldn’t get up, not without his permission.

That night, the paramedics had to sedate you to get you into an ambulance. And after that you were placed in a psychiatric facility for 30 days to help undo the brainwashing you’d endured.

--

“Sylvia, I slapped him. My boss, I slapped him right in the face!”

“Y/n you reacted to a situation and based on what you just explained to me, it seems like he knew he was in the wrong. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself and honestly, you should talk to him.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“Maybe tell him how you feel.” Sylvia suggested.

--

You spent the afternoon practicing what to say to Hotch, Spencer had been texting you updates of that case as it progressed. He’d let you know that they caught the unsub and were headed back to the hotel. So, as you opened your door to make your way to his room, you came face-to-face with the man himself.

“Hotch.”  You gasped.

“Y/n can we talk?”

You moved aside to allow him access to your room. You couldn’t help but feel nervous about the conversation that was to come.

“Hotch, I am so sorry for slapping you! I was just-”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing. Y/n I am so sorry, I heard you going off on Riley and I knew that if you kept talking he’d report you and I’d be forced to suspend you, only I hadn’t considered the effect that me demanding you take a seat would have on you. I need you to know it was not my intention to take advantage of you like that and even worse, I shouldn’t have put my hand on you the way I did. You had every right to slap me.” Hotch explained.

“You were trying to protect me?”

“Riley had made threats of reporting our staff for going against orders of the precinct. I knew that he’d report you for your behavior, despite him clearly being in the wrong. I didn’t want to suspend you.”

“I didn’t realize. But Hotch telling me to take a seat, in the tone you did, it felt like I was right back there. Following orders without thinking. With you, I can’t explain it, I would do anything you asked me to and that terrifies me. My feelings for you only add to that need to do anything you say, to do anything to please you. I can’t help it.”

“You have feelings for me?”

“Aaron! Is that all you took from what I just said?”

“Please say that again.” He whispered.

“Aaron.”

He let his eyes close and took a deep breath. You could tell he was holding back and though part of you was begging you to walk away, the other was telling you to jump in. You thought about what Sylvia would say, and you couldn’t help but release a breathy laugh, knowing full well that she would tell you that only you can make the right decision, and it is okay to trust yourself.

“Aaron, I am terrified…and it is going to take me some time to fully trust myself again, but I really like you and if you’re up for it, I’d like to give this a shot. Unless you don’t feel the same way, then please ignore what I just said an-”

Aaron pulled you in and pressed his lips to yours in a searing kiss. One that told you everything you needed to know.

“I’m scared too, but I want to try this Y/n. I know that you’re still working to find yourself, I am willing to wait if that is what you need, but I am also willing to be by your side every step of the way.”

“I don’t want to wait.”

[lucyblue101]

I hate feeling beneath you

Satoru x reader

Authors note: The reader and satoru get into a pretty heavy argument but end up making up at the end :) angst to comfort

It began as a small disagreement, something neither of you would remember later on—a harmless difference of opinion about whether a certain mission could have been handled more diplomatically. But it had snowballed, the usual tension between Satoru's easy arrogance and your determination to stand up to him boiling over. You’d called him out on brushing off your input, and he’d responded with that same dismissive attitude that sometimes felt playful but tonight felt cruel.

“What’s with you tonight?” you asked, exasperated, after he made yet another offhand comment about how you “wouldn’t get it.”

Satoru sighed, folding his arms and giving you that cool, detached look. “Maybe because I’m actually thinking about the bigger picture here. You know, something that you can’t really understand.”

You stared at him, the words sinking in, stinging more than you expected. “Are you serious? Just because you’re the strongest doesn’t mean you’re always right.”

His gaze sharpened, a hint of irritation glinting in his eyes. “You don’t understand what it’s like for me. Do you know the kind of responsibility I carry? I don’t have the luxury of being wrong.”

“And I don’t have the luxury of being constantly put down by you, Satoru,” you fired back, voice shaking. “You act like you’re untouchable, like you’re above everyone else, including me.”

“Maybe I am,” he muttered, barely meeting your eyes. “Maybe that’s just how it is.”

Your chest tightened, hurt pooling in your stomach as you took in his words. His casual arrogance, the way he looked right past you as though you were just another ordinary person—it felt like a slap to the face. You could barely keep the tremor out of your voice as you replied, “Wow, so that’s what you really think? That I’m just… what? Beneath you?”

He shrugged, dismissing the pain he could clearly see in your eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“But you said it anyway,” you replied, voice wavering. “You just said I don’t understand, that I never could. Like I’m somehow lesser because I’m not the strongest.”

His frustration flared, and he shook his head. “I didn’t ask for this responsibility. But I have it, and it means I can’t just worry about hurting people’s feelings.”

“That’s not an excuse to belittle me,” you shot back, anger lacing your voice. “Maybe if you stopped putting yourself on a pedestal, you’d realize how you’re making me feel.”

He scoffed, clearly getting agitated. “Oh, come on. Are we really doing this? I’m not ‘putting myself on a pedestal,’ I’m stating facts. You just don’t get it, and that’s fine, but don’t try to twist this like it’s something I should apologize for.”

You felt your fists clench, the frustration bubbling into anger. “You think you’re the only one dealing with pressure, Satoru? Do you have any idea what it’s like to always feel like you’re standing in someone else’s shadow, no matter how hard you work? To be constantly told you’re not enough?”

His jaw tightened, his gaze a mix of exasperation and impatience. “That’s not what I’m saying. I never asked you to compare yourself to me.”

“But you do it anyway, don’t you?” you said, feeling the bitterness slip into your voice. “Every time you look down on me like this. You don’t even realize how much it hurts because you’ve convinced yourself that no one else can possibly understand.”

For a moment, he looked taken aback, but the hardened mask returned almost instantly. “Fine. So I’m the bad guy. That’s what you want to hear, isn’t it? I’m the arrogant, untouchable Gojo Satoru, and you’re the victim.”

A bitter laugh escaped you, and your voice dropped, icy and hurt. “You act like you’re a god among men, like everyone else is just background noise in your life. It must be nice to think so highly of yourself.”

He looked at you, his offense and indignation flaring. “Maybe if you actually saw what I see, you’d understand why it’s this way. But no—go ahead and make me the villain. If that’s easier for you, fine.”

Your voice came out harsher, more biting than you intended. “If you like yourself so much, maybe you should just fuck yourself in front of a mirror. Since apparently no one can measure up to you.”

His eyes narrowed, stunned for a moment, and you could see the offense sparking in his gaze. He took a slow, deep breath, his voice low and hard. “Fine. I’m going for a walk. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

You threw up your hands, furious. “Good for you. Why don’t you go do that?”

The door slammed shut behind him, the sound reverberating through the room. The sudden silence felt cold and empty. You were left standing there, your anger quickly turning into a sick feeling in your stomach, the emptiness of his absence echoing painfully around you. You sank onto the bed, the frustration giving way to a painful loneliness as his words replayed in your mind, every dismissive, cutting remark hitting harder now that he was gone.

The hours dragged on, and as the anger faded, you found yourself lying in bed, the ache in your chest making it hard to breathe. You drifted in and out of a restless sleep, the sting of his words still lingering, a cold emptiness beside you where he should’ve been.

When Satoru finally returned, the anger that had driven him out had long since faded, leaving only the raw ache of regret in its wake. He’d spent hours pacing the quiet streets, the night stretching endlessly, each step sinking him deeper into the weight of his own words. The image of your hurt expression haunted him—your eyes, so full of pain he hadn’t been willing to see. For all his bravado and confidence, he’d crossed a line, wounded the one person he couldn’t bear to lose.

He slipped into the room silently, the faint silver glow of early morning filtering through the window. His gaze landed on you, curled up on your side, arms wrapped around yourself protectively, as if shielding yourself from some invisible hurt. He could see the faint glisten of dried tears tracing your cheeks, and his heart twisted painfully. That he had been the cause of those tears tore at him, each breath tightening his chest with guilt and regret.

He moved closer, kneeling by the bed, watching the slow rise and fall of your breath, the quiet vulnerability of your sleeping face. His trembling fingers brushed the stray strands of hair from your forehead, tracing the soft curve of your cheek, his heart pounding with the realization of how deeply he’d hurt you. Without thinking, he climbed into bed, sliding his arms around you from behind and pulling you gently into his chest, his grip tight, almost desperate.

You stirred, his warmth waking you slowly from sleep, and your eyes fluttered open, still hazy and confused. “Satoru?” you murmured, voice soft and disoriented, as you registered his face so close, his expression raw and pained, his usually vivid blue eyes now dim and filled with an almost unbearable sadness.

He didn’t answer immediately, his face pressed against the crook of your neck as he held you tighter, as if trying to hold together something fragile. You felt the way his body trembled slightly, and a soft warmth brushed against your neck—tears, spilling silently down his cheeks. His grip around you grew even more insistent, his hands clutching you as though letting go was unthinkable.

“Satoru… you’re squeezing me a little too tight,” you whispered, trying to keep your voice steady, though a small smile tugged at your lips despite the lingering ache in your heart.

His response was a shaky, breathless laugh, and he loosened his hold just enough for you to breathe, though he didn’t let go entirely. When he finally spoke, his voice was broken, barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured, his face pressed to your shoulder, his tears soaking through the fabric of your shirt. “I didn’t mean to say any of those things. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you were anything less than everything to me.”

The vulnerability in his voice took you aback, and as you looked up at him, you saw the unguarded emotion in his expression, the way his usual confidence had crumbled. His white hair fell messily over his eyes, his beautiful, piercing blue gaze clouded with pain, regret shining in the tears that kept falling unchecked.

“Then why?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper, unable to keep the lingering hurt from your tone. “Why do you keep acting like I’m beneath you?”

He closed his eyes, a deep shudder running through him as he tried to find the words, his hands trembling where they held you. “Because I’m scared,” he admitted, his voice breaking on the words. “I’m terrified, okay? I put on this act… this untouchable, invincible thing because I don’t know how else to handle it. I’m scared that if I let you see… all of me, the weak parts, the parts that aren’t enough… I’ll lose you.”

The admission cracked something inside him, and he let out a soft, strangled sob, his hands gripping your shirt desperately. “I need you, but I’m so damn scared that one day you’ll see past this… this ‘strongest’ bullshit and realize I’m not enough for you. That I’m just a mess.”

He pulled you tighter against him, pressing his forehead to yours, his breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I love you so much, and I know I don’t say it enough. I’m sorry for every time I made you feel small, or like you didn’t matter. I’d do anything to take it all back. Please… just tell me what you need. Tell me what I can do to make this right.”

You reached up, wiping a tear from his cheek as his shoulders shook with barely controlled sobs, his usually confident face etched with heartbreak. His hands found yours, holding onto you with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. He squeezed your hands, as if grounding himself through your touch.

“If you want… if it would make things right,” he murmured, his voice trembling with raw desperation, “I’ll give myself to you completely. I’ll submit to whatever you want, let you have every piece of me. Just… please don’t let me lose you. I can’t lose you.”

His tears fell onto your hands, his gaze searching yours, a plea hidden in the depths of his blue eyes. The sheer vulnerability in his expression, the way he was willing to lay himself bare for you, stirred something deep in your chest.

“Satoru…” you whispered, reaching up to cradle his face, your thumb gently brushing away his tears as you pulled him closer. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I don’t want some perfect, invincible version of you. I just want… you.”

His eyes softened, relief and love filling his gaze as he pressed his forehead to yours, his fingers threading through yours as he held onto you with a gentle strength, his breath hitching as he let himself feel the warmth of your forgiveness.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice barely holding steady, each word laced with a tenderness that made your heart ache. He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours, slow and soft, a kiss that spoke of promises and apologies, of the deep love he held for you, a love that transcended his fears and insecurities. His tears mingled with the kiss, a bittersweet reminder of the rawness between you as he held you close, your hearts beating in tandem as you lay together in the quiet light of dawn, with only the two of you in that precious, fragile moment.

Tag list (let me know if you want to go on it)

@canigotosleep--plz

@haruhatake

@itsafairytalekay

@mistymuii

@moonchhu

@tibibibi123

@hargun-s

I hope everyone liked :) I’d like to know what everyone thinks 🥹

[thanklessindubai]

"If he had merely left, I would've had nothing. He wouldn't have needed to kill me, I would've perished. I would've remained in madness, hated and alone until I had the decency to end it all. He was the wicked wind that scattered the ashes in the ruins of my life. It was a life worth ruining; I admit that freely. But it was still my life.

"I carried on in misery, stalwart, standing fast at the post to which I was appointed. And it kept me alive, Mina. The coven kept me alive. If it weren't for Lestat's mercy, you would not have my hand to hold.

"For one hundred years, I cared for my coven and they clung to me. I gave them my strength and my wisdom." He shook his head, laughing at himself under his breath. It hardly seemed like wisdom now.

"And their need to be led carried me when I had no will to go on. But I became a pale shadow, pushing papers and enforcing curfew. I was a ghost for a century, still heartbroken. Because in my defeat, I'd fallen in love with Lestat."

You don't say.

"Without him, there was no light in my life. No meaning or desire. No understanding, nor concept of time. I trudged through our history like a key-turned toy. A music box that was winding down.

"But then I found him. My handsome criminal. Louis arrived in Paris and it seemed all the Great Laws broke to his touch. He was Lestat's fledgling -- of course, he was. And to our utter disbelief, he had been taught nothing of our world by his maker. He was made weak, ignorant, and defenseless in a world that would devour him.

"He traveled with a child vampire, Claudia, whom he'd helped to make. Together they'd killed their maker -- or so they thought -- and Claudia recorded her history, her mad crimes, in diaries unguarded. They left corpses in open ground for humans to find. And Claudia would find a mortal pet and tell her everything.

"But before we'd learned any of this, it was my chore to bring them into the fold. Claudia was thrilled to join, so much so that she swore herself to oaths she had no intention of keeping. Like Lestat, nothing was real or sacred to Claudia. She would lie to us in a heartbeat.

"But Louis refused us at every turn, traumatized by the tyranny of Lestat's love, and if I could not persuade him, I was obligated to destroy him.

"So I followed him. I gently fellowshipped. I turned our every conversation down the path of conversion. He wouldn't have it. Instead, he cast his spell on me. Stripped me bare with every wicked, knowing smile. Pinned me down with every penetrating stare.

"And the more he forced me to look into his eyes, the more the thought of destroying him became impossible. I hadn't the power to move against him. He had my heart in his hands and worked it like a bellow. And I felt myself split in two: one alive and in love and enslaved, the other a criminal, living in shame and hypocrisy.

"My coven began to demand Louis' head. It was my duty to them, and to the laws that were supposed to protect us. He was a danger to us, I knew that he was, and yet I gave him special treatment. For two years, he did as he pleased.

"He despised and mocked and lied to the coven. He kept me for pleasure, too frightened to give me more. Frightened that I would become his new Lestat. He used me, humiliated me, and made my weakness and betrayal plain to the coven. The light had returned to my life, so brightly did he shine that my world was burning again..."

Mina knew that when he told her he would tell her everything, there was a possibility that she would hear everything. Still, to hear him take it as far back as when he met Lestat was a bit of a surprise.

Mina knew the great laws, that was a story that she'd already told Armand when they first met and he was surprised she knew them, but she still let him continue.

She knew Children of Satan was a cult, but the way Armand still framed it was like in a way he almost missed it. "thier love' 'they kept me from suicide', that wasn't something you listed as something you completely hated.

But Armand had been treated so badly by everyone in his life.

"It doesn't sound very merciful to me," she still offered, still clutching his hand tightly. Sounded like fucking mindgames to her. Sounded on par with reviews of the books for what he was like

[obsessedhoneycomb]

Her

George Russell x fem!reader

Summary: being stood up by your fiancé a week before the wedding is something woman doesn’t want to go through in her life, ever

Warnings: nothing special maybe heartbreak, break up, curse words, cheating, no use of Y/N, one use of L/N

A/N: I really love Sex and the City movies, so this is basically inspired by the events from the first movie. My English is sometimes hot or not, so I’m sorry for any mistakes! Please don’t use my writing without my consent, also I don’t own any of the pictures! Enjoy.

“There’s no possible cancellation, miss. You need to come to the honeymoon vacation or it’ll expire.”

Yes, the word honeymoon. Woman without a man. The man who stood her up week before their wedding. It was all perfect, everything about their love. And yet, here she stood, single, heartbroken and humiliated in front of the suite for newlyweds that carried their names Mr. and Mrs. Russell. Out of all the girls from the grid family, Kelly was the one to be there for her. She packed her up and got her on this vacation, because she already payed a lot for this to be a surprise for George. One that he’d never forget, one with which she’d shown him how she loved him.

For two days straight she only slept. Kelly fed her a little with some fruits and yogurt from breakfast. It was painful to watch her close friend to suffer like this. She looked pale, her face puffy from all the crying, and her gaze was dull.

As the night fell on the resort in Mexico, Kelly picked up her phone, Max was FaceTiming her.

“Hey, babe. How is it going?” He asked with frown.

“Hey, love… please, promise me, that if you ever want to break up with me, don’t you dare to propose to me before that.” Kelly said in sadness.

“How is she?”

“It’s bad. She’s sleeping for second day already. You should see her face when she saw the name tags on the door… it was like a punch in the gut.”

“I’m really glad, that you’re there with her, Kells. She deserves the best. I must’ve restrain myself very hard to not punch George when I saw him at the paddock today.”

“Wait, what? He’s back at racing? I thought that he was supposed to get a break from all that stuff, like he said to her.”

“Don’t say it to her, but… There’s this woman with him here, like a shiny bracelet on him. Lando nearly threw up from the sight of them and everybody here is giving him a silent treatment.”

“Holy shit… this is a nightmare.”

“Yeah… keep her away from socials, she doesn’t need more heartbreak than she already received.”

“No probs, babe. I’ll keep her occupied and her phone is with me anyway and it’s turned off.”

“Okay, I’ll keep you posted. Take care, love you.”

———

Fourth day into vacation she got up from bed, surprising Kelly at the terrace for breakfast.

“Hi, K.” She said, her voice raspy from all the sleep.

“Ah, the sleeping beauty. How are you today, darling?” Kelly hugged her instantly.

“It’s strange, but good. I think the most of the hurt is gone. I know it’s not that simple, but today is good and I’m gonna enjoy it.” She softly smiled but her eyes spoke another story. Kelly gave her a sympathetic look as they talked through the breakfast.

“Max is wishing you well. He’s so worried about you.” Kelly said sipping on her coffee.

“Aw, thanks. He’s a good man, Kelly.” She smiled kindly with little sigh.

“Hey, don’t let your mood flatten, we’re here to have a good time, you’ve worked hard for this. So, we’re gonna make the most of it.” Kelly said with amused smile.

And they did. Girls nights, partying a little, spending afternoons at the pool and beach, some trips around the resort too. Two weeks went by like a click, when they stood at the airport waiting for Max’s private jet.

It was also first time after that weeks of freedom when Kelly gave her her phone back.

“It’s time to go back to reality and I know it’s gonna be hard, but we’re gonna do this. Don’t get those things get to your head. You’re you and you’re the most amazing human in this world.” Kelly reassured her.

She turned on the phone with her stomach churning. Millions of notifications of messages, emails and tags. In the tons of photos at the socials she noticed that one photo, that George posted. She felt like she’s gonna throw up. All the sickness was back, the pain in her chest too.

“Mi amore. Love you to the moon and back.”

George and his new girlfriend. She was so pretty, like a doll. And god, how he was glowing.

As they boarded the plane, Kelly noticed the turn in the her mood as she slipped her phone to her bag.

“I guess you found out, don’t you?” Kelly asked with frown.

“Y-yeah. I don’t know what to say, it’s driving me insane. And he’s back at racing, he just… he’s a fucking liar.” She was at the rage stage.

“It’s gonna be okay. We‘ll manage.”

———

And it was true. Kelly managed to get a people to pack her things out of their shared apartment with George, the first day they went on that vacation. She didn’t want to stay in Monaco, she wanted to go back home to London, where her flat was for rent. She was lucky that it was free in the moment.

Getting from the Heathrow airport was like a blur, feeling all the nostalgia from the surroundings and memories of her past life were everywhere. But it didn’t hurt as much as when she finally unlocked the door to her apartment, getting in the known scent and looking over the boxes there and there. All her life packed like it meant nothing. She was in no mood to start unpacking, because she was afraid to untangle the suppressed emotions. It was a job for her in the next months.

———

It was like six months after the called off wedding. She shut down her socials, getting herself a fresh start with private profiles with a few people following on them. Her main public profile was still up, she didn’t post any new photos, the last post there was a photo of her tasting the sweet cake for wedding with caption wedding vibes #therussells.

She turned her attention to the direction of self love, reconnecting with her old friends in London and little bit of vacations and mainly work. Her going to the Monaco was absolute no go, so when someone from her grid friends wanted to see her, they needed to visit. But they were more than glad. Nobody talked about George, it was her strict rule number one. She practically erased him from her life and mind.

Life just has a strange ways to make things a little crazy.

Sunny morning in London, she went to the café for her morning coffee. She liked to try new places. As she was on the phone working already, she ordered a waited for the cup of hot love.

George sat in the corner of this café, looking through the newspaper like a classic English gentleman. His life turned upside down for the last six months. He was now reminiscing all the things he had done and how he hurt people around him. Brushing another feeling of shame off of him, he looked up from newspaper and his eyes found her standing at the order counter. It was like some nasty dream, ripping his heart apart for another time. She stood there, talking over phone, smiling with her classy appearance. Thinking about the way he wanted to approach her, he tried not to look suspicious. He was the one, who made her life hell, betrayed her the worst.

She slid her phone to her purse, got her coffee and turned around to get out of the café, when she spotted George already staring at her. She was so taken aback by seeing him, that she bumped into the glass door. Hard. Feeling her head spinning and the blood running from her nose, coffee was everywhere on her skirt. People around her was at her immediately, helping her, but she was in some kind of trance.

“Excuse me, please. I need to get to her. Hey, are you okay?” George got through the crowd to her, his protective persona on, getting his white napkin to wipe her bloody nose.

“I-I’m not…” she said still in shock.

“I’m going to take you to the hospital, you may have broken nose.” George frowned in guilt because his presence caused this.

She only nodded, there was no place for denying it. George gave her reassuring squeeze to her shoulder and guided her to his car, which was parked outside on the street. Feeling his hand on her back and on her arm felt strange.

Ride to the hospital was quiet. She held the napkin at her nose, blood was slowly stopping pouring, and she was staring in front of herself, still processing what just happened. She felt her anger rising in her, how dare he shows in her life now, when she’s been on the good way of healing her wounds.

“Why are you here?” She mumbled slightly wincing in pain.

“There’s race in Silverstone this weekend.” He said taking the last turn to parking lot at the hospital. As he stopped the car, she put all her strength to get out from the car without his help.

“You can go, I’m gonna take care of myself.” She took quick steps towards the hospital.

“Wait! I’m not gonna let you handle this alone. I caused this, so let me take care of it.” He ran after her, softly grabbing her arm.

“At least please just don’t touch me, George.” She got out of his grasp still walking.

They were waiting for doctor to see her, while George wrote down the application for her. He stopped at the column about family status. Flagging it as married, he hoped that he would get access to information about her condition. She just signed it off not caring about anything. Her phone rang, it was Kelly. Oh god, they were supposed to meet today.

“Hi, Kells. I really can’t talk right now.” She tried to talk coherently but her lips started to get swollen from the crashing to the door.

“You sound weird, are you okay?” Kelly asked in concern.

“Yeah, I just bumped into the door at the café, hard, that I might have broken nose. I’m currently at the hospital.” She sniffled a little blood.

“What?! I’m getting there, we’re already in London!”

“No, no! Actually I’m not here alone.” She looked up at George.

“You’re full of surprises, girl. Is that the new man, you’re seeing?”

“No, it’s not him. It’s George.”

George was listening to her conversation and pinpointed the word him. Is she seeing someone new? Is she in love with him?

“Holy shit, what the fuck?!”

“Calm down, K. I can’t talk right now, all you need to know, that I’m okay. I’m gonna text you, bye.”

She sighed putting her phone to her purse.

The awkward silence between them lasted for a while.

“Is there- are you-“ he started to ask but it came out as a blurt.

“I’m not seeing anyone, if that’s what you want to ask. I’m just tired of questions if I’m still single, so I said to my friends that I’m working on my dating life. So no. I can’t love anyone after what you’ve done to me and you have this sick luck of hurting me still.” She said with sad sigh.

“I’m sorry.” He said plainly.

That was words she wanted to hear from him all this time. She met his gaze full of guilt.

“I’m so so sorry. I was just stupid and foolish, I really didn’t care about things I had around me, in my life. I was so ungrateful. And I hurt the most precious thing in my life. You. No words can mend the wounds I caused. I just want to make it up to you, so bad.” His eyes was glistening with tears as he talked sincerely.

She processed all the words he just said. Her heart broke again, but now for him. For the way how he talked, how he was honest. After that months of silence between them and his lies from the last conversation they had together.

“I forgave you. A while ago. I just didn’t understand those lies you told me. About you taking a break from everything we shared together, that it drowned you. And then I saw that post on the socials, you back at track with her.”

George felt pang in his chest, he was deeply ashamed of his actions. Before he could say anything else, nurse peeked from the doctors office calling her inside. She stood up and George assisted her.

“You’re her husband right? You can come inside too.” Nurse politely smiled.

She wanted to protest but George interrupted her. “Yeah, I am. Thank you.”

After getting some scans and check up, doctor said, that she doesn’t have broken nose, just little bruised and that in few days the swelling would be gone same as bleeding.

George took her to her apartment, helping her with everything she needed. Sitting on the couch with cup of coffee in her hands, he was in process of putting the cream on the bruise on her nose. She sat still her eyes closed. He took in her features, how she was still herself. The same woman he loved, and still loves.

“You’re supposed to be with her, not with your ex fiancée.” She said while opening her eyes to look at him.

“I’m not with her for some time now. As much as it was mesmerising, it wasn’t it. I had time to think about my mistakes. I was the number one asshole.”

“You were, that’s for sure. I was so mad at you, angry and pissed off. You just threw our lives we built together out of the window. We could’ve talk about that, I would understand anything. But not that huge heartbreak you put me through. I had a surprise honeymoon booked for you. And I went on it with Kelly, because it cost really so much money…” her eyes were filled with tears as she relived the memories of pain.

George looked down in shame, he was pained by his actions towards her. She truly loved him, deeply, she was always so caring and he was… him.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve talk to you more, not just tear you from me and destroy our life.”

Their conversation was interrupted by doorbell.

“That’s most likely Kelly and Max.” Grace said. George retreated from her as she stood up to get to the door. As she opened, Kelly hugged her immediately and Max looked through the space for George with mad look.

“How are you, love?” Kelly looked at her nose with frown.

“I’m good, Kells, really. George took care of me.” She softly smiled.

“Really? No doubt that he did.” Max looked with narrowed look at George, who stood in the doorframe to living room.

“I’m on my way out, I see that she’s in good hands.” George said plainly.

“In the best hands.” Kelly said with not amused look.

She sighed tired from all the tension.

“Take care.” George kissed her forehead lightly as he brushed off around them.

All three of them were looking at his figure until he disappeared in the elevator.

“How- what the actual fuck?” Kelly asked looking at her flushed face.

“Kells, please.” Max groaned at the word fuck.

She took them inside as she prepared some coffee for them.

“How was your flight?” She asked casually.

The duo looked at her in disbelief. “You just had your ex in your home and you’re asking us about flight?”

“Yeah and yeah?”

“Tell us everything!”

She sat in front of them in the armchair. “I was at the café this morning, you know, I like to try new places and he just happened to be there. I spotted him and I was so in shock, that I crashed to the glass door. He got me to the hospital, took care of everything. And he apologised for everything he put me through. He said that he was number one asshole.”

Max snorted as Kelly looked over him with stern look.

“And then you came and that’s it.”

“He kissed you. You’re okay with that?” Kelly asked sipping on her coffee.

“Why not?”

“Because he practically left you at the altar?”

“Oh that. I nearly forgot about that.” She gave her an sarcastic smile.

“You’re falling for his lies again.”

“No, I’m not. We just talked, he was nice. I deserved to know, what was on his mind and behind his actions. I can move on now.”

“Can you?”

The question was hanging in the space. She was sure, to this day, that she wouldn’t even lay her eyes on him. But it was all nice and she felt loved again. All the wrong things.

“Can you?” Kelly asked again.

“Fine! I don’t know!” She rolled her eyes.

“You’re unbelievable. He broke your heart, you were a mess. And now he’s messing with you again.”

“I know, I know all that. And I’m grateful for the care you have for me. But… it’s complicated.”

“It’s not. You love him.” Max interrupted them. Kelly gave him another look of disbelief.

“I’m not sure, I don’t know. I’m not ready for anything but it feels so close to home.”

“Jeez… just be careful. Anyway, it’s perfect timing really, because we wanted to get you to spent a weekend at Silverstone with us.” Kelly said with sour face, now her idea sounding not so perfect.

“I need to think about it. And I don’t know how this thing will turn out to appear.” She pointed to her bruised nose.

“You know the power of makeup, dear.” Kelly rolled her eyes.

“As much as I like you here with me I need some space right now.” She said with sigh.

“Just think about it and give me a call and we’ll manage it. You could use some fun around old friends.” Kelly said while she hugged her.

Max gave her reassuring smile as they walked into the elevator.

———

She took a shower as she thought about George. How his fingertips felt against her skin, his scent calming her down, how he looked at her with care and love, he was completely different. He looked like he was ready to die for her.

Then there was the other side. How she felt humiliated when he left her at the restaurant in Monaco with smile, ready for his new life.

How the ring on her left hand was somehow heavy.

Thoughts there and there, she needed to be honest with herself.

She loved him. Still. And truly. Even after all of this.

As she laid in bed scrolling through her phone, she got a call from unknown number.

“I have a package for you, is this Ms. L/N ?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

She went down to receive the mystery package. Back at the apartment, she opened it. There was VIP and paddock pass with her name, also she spotted a sticky note with handwriting.

“Just in case you want to have fun on the weekend. GR”

Her heart skipped a beat as she read those words. Snapping a photo of it she sent it to Kelly with comment I think the plans are clear for the weekend. Kelly answered with crazy emojis and comment I can’t wait.

She decided not to tell George that she’s actually coming, because he deserved a little silent treatment. He’s gonna need to win her heart back.

As the Saturday approached, she was already on her way to the paddock gates. The first she spotted her was Lando.

“Oh my god! Am I dreaming?” He nearly shouted as he hugged her tight.

She giggled happily. “No, this is real.”

Greeting with others went well as she arrived at the Mercedes hospitality, her stomach churning and turning in nervous way, reliving all the memories she had there. She got to chat with some people, which were surprised that she’s there. Nobody had the courage to ask her, why she’s there and she was glad.

Grabbing some coffee she stood outside on the little terrace looking at the Silverstone track. It was like coming back to home.

“You came.” The voice said behind her causing her to turn around. There stood George, wearing his Mercedes shirt and white pants along with kind smile.

“I thought that you not being sure if I’d come, would be a good treatment for you.” She sipped her coffee with a little smile.

“I absolutely deserve that.” He said coming to her side.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. Kelly and Max were there for me for all that shit you put me through. They’re worried.”

“I understand that. They’re really good friends. I’m grateful that they helped you through tough times.”

“I thought I’d never see this again.” She looked over the track.

“I thought I’d never see you here again.”

“I don’t want to poke in that hurtful things from past anymore. If anything, I want things from fresh start.”

“Again, I’m sorry. And I understand.”

“You know, it’s not like winning race to win my heart.”

“I’d likely do both.”

“We’ll see.”

She chuckled as she was enjoying messing with him.

“Good luck.” She smiled softly giving his arm a little squeeze as she walked out to find Kelly.

———

George got the pole position and she couldn’t be more proud. She fought that huge smile on her face as she noticed, how Kelly was watching her. Max took a second place.

She leaned against the frame of the entrance to the Mercedes garage, where George celebrated with everybody around him. Then he noticed her standing there and smiling proudly. Immediately he walked towards her getting her into his tight embrace while she giggled.

“You’re incredible, George.” She said laughing.

“You’re my lucky charm.” He said as he placed kiss to her hair. His embrace was warm and soft. All she missed that long.

“Please, just don’t let me go.” She whispered to his chest.

“I’m not gonna make that mistake ever again.”

[hallowpen]

One of the most important aspects to consider in The Loyal Pin, in this episode especially, is perspective. I have been really trying to establish that Anil's perspective and choices come from a place of royal privilege combined with western influence; Patt's come from a place of honoring status and tradition; and Pin, being influenced by her aunt / adoptive mother, knows the affordance of having title vs. not.

Anil is willing to sacrifice her title in order to be with Pin, but it's not as simple as it might seem. Renouncing one's title is a very formal process, where it is required that the King be officially informed of her decision and the reason behind that decision. Anil would have to relinquish any property or assets that were afforded to her because of her title; and would, therefore, be unable to stay at the Savettavarit Palace. She would lose any monetary benefits and be required by law to change her royal surname. Most importantly, she would have to sever all ties with her family... a commoner cannot visit or casually interact with royalty, especially when that commoner previously held title that once afforded them the privilege to do so (it is considered to be socially inappropriate).

Pin is unwilling to have Anil sacrifice her entire life for her. Instead, she is willing to make the less extreme sacrifice so that Anil does not have to suffer the loss of her family or live within the uncertainty of her future. As Prince Anan points out, Pin loves Anil more than she loves herself.

"Where else could I go? I could only go as far as the wall of this palace would allow me to."

Anil wants nothing more than to love Pin, but her title does not 'allow' her to. It can be said that both Anil and Pin value each other more than themselves, but their choices and decisions are bound to their status within society and its imbalance within their own relationship. And which character within the narrative could truly understand that? Ironically... Princess Patt.

And though Anil was prevented from renouncing her title, she can still twist her privilege to suit her future resolutions... something that Pin, given her position, is unable to do.

"I will give up on this love, only when you can find someone I truly love, who is also of the same or higher rank. Only then will I allow myself to completely erase her from my heart. Otherwise, never expect me to waste my time and marry anyone for the rest of my life."

Kuea's entitlement continues to rear its ugly head.

"How embarrassing it is that my ring seems to be of very little value and elegance when compared to her own ring."

For someone who claims to love and cherish Khun Pin, he rarely considers her happiness. Because, as Anil rightfully pointed out, Pin is nothing but an earned possession- a trophy to him... though he is hardly worthy of her. KNOW. YOUR. PLACE.

The series highlights a traditional Thai engagement ceremony known as ของรับไหว้ (pronounced 'kwang rap wai'). The 'exchanging of blessings' is a practice where the engaged couple pays respects to their family through order of seniority / rank. The couple presents the พานธูปเทียนแพ (pronounced 'phan thuup thian phae') in exchange for blessings and gifts from their elders. The offering consists of an arrangement of items used in blessing ceremonies (like candles and incense) combined with flowers and decor that signify auspicious values.

[arjudy224]

Chemical Valley

(The Intern x Red Hood)

After the unsettling reminder of her past, Y/N has been avoiding vigilantes for the last few months. However, Dr. Harris has requested backup in the form of Gotham's newest crime lord. What could go wrong?

The Intern Collection:

Prequel: Death of a family

The Intern: Day one

The Intern: The Laughing Fish

The Intern: Busy Work

The Intern: Outreach Gala

The Intern: Visiting an old friend

The Intern: Chemical Valley

The Intern: Billionaire Boys Club

I'm getting real sick of risking my life for a minimum-wage job. Driving around with Dr. Harris is one thing, but since when did the job description list teaming up with crime lords? I mean it's the Red Hood for Christ's sake. Dr. Harris gives me a protective smile from the driver's seat.

"Don't worry about Red Hood. He knows what he's doing." He starts sensing my apprehension. "Besides, he owes me a favor."

I nod with a nervous smile. Red Hood is the only vigilante that I've never interacted with. He only recently appeared in Gotham. From what I've heard on the streets, he isn't exactly on great terms with Batman.

"All due respect... hasn't he killed people? " I question glancing around the lonely alleyway.

Growing silent, Harris contemplates his response.

"Not recently." He says with what is supposed to be a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Trying to ignore the anxiety creating knots across my gut, I reply with more enthusiasm than I feel.

"Oh well... that's progress."

Harris laughs.

"It's Gotham dear. It's hard to find someone who hasn't committed murder. I wouldn't worry too much about the Hood though. If you can befriend Waylon, a little boy in a helmet is the least of your worries. "

I raise an eyebrow.

"You wanna elaborate?"

He smiles sweetly. I narrow my eyes.

"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to."

That shuts me up. We sit in silence for a few minutes while I contemplate what he just said. Dr. Harris isn't exactly wrong... Glancing at the time clock on the dashboard, I frown. I guess vigilantes aren't known for being punctual, but at least Nightwing was on time. Considering our history, maybe we were both eager to see each other again. I try to focus on the cool air dusting across my face.

A swift knock causes me to jump. The infamous Red Hood almost cartoonishly waves at me from the outside the window. My nervous heart patters like a hummingbird. Eyeing his bike, I sigh. It was silent... Of course, it was silent. What kind of muffler does he have on that thing?

Harris rolls down the window.

"Good morning. Thank you for meeting us."

Leaning on the car door, Red Hood asks in a deep voice

"What do you have for me Dr.?"

"Routine inspection of Ace chemicals. Normally, I wouldn't worry about having a backup, but with an uptick in Joker sightings... I figured it would be better to be safe than sorry."

Hood nods, then glances in my direction.

"I'll keep an eye out."

"Y/N L/N," I say introducing myself, "But most people call me L/N."

"Weren't you the one who convinced the Riddler to let you go in exchange for inspecting his lair for asbestos?" Hood asks with a tone of pride.

I smile while shaking his hand. Word must get around quick.

"Yeah, that's me. He didn't even ask me any riddles. The poor man was terrified."

Dr. Harris whips his head around.

"Why haven't I heard about this?" He demands.

I flash him a shit-eating grin.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to Dr. Maybe Metropolis hasn't made me so soft after all."

Before he can start lecturing me, I step out of the car to face my new bodyguard. Keeping my eyes trained on the ground. I sidestep the hulking mammoth of a man.

"Thank you for dropping me off Dr., but I'm sure "Little" Red and I can take it from here."

From the Driver's seat, Harris watches me with a hint of pride.

"This is not the last time we will be discussing this."

"I look forward to the debrief," I remark as he pulls away.

The ACE chemicals manufacturing plant towers over the surrounding buildings. The smoke stacks excrete a dark sticky aerosol that trickles down from above. Its gothic structure makes it look like something out of a Tim Burton film. Taking a step near the external shutter, I drag my index finger across. My glove smears a damp power off revealing the old white paint. An uncomfortable sensation settles in my chest.

There is no way this amount of air pollution is legal.

After my second round of coughing, Red Hood offers me a disposable face mask. I gratefully take it. The neon green sign serves as a haunting reminder that somehow this has passed inspection. My eyebrows narrow. We passed several kids on the way here. What does that do to someone? No wonder Dr. Harris mentioned childhood asthma. I'm more concerned about the long-term exposure to industrial solvents.

Glancing at Red Hood, I state

"There is no way this is legal."

Red Hood stays quiet for a moment. Adjusting his helmet, he replies

"The law can be anything you want as long as you kill the inspectors who challenge you."

My mouth falls open. A thousand questions flood my mind.

"Somebody must have tried."

Hood tilts his head while glancing between us and the doors.

"Somebody did try."

Tossing me a key card over his shoulder, he continues, "You can visit them in Arkham if you want."

I flounder to catch the key card. It takes a few moments to register his words. Them as in more than one? Or is he concealing their identity? By the time my brain focuses, I stand in the alley alone staring up at a sign for a trading card company.

Isn't that where the Joker.... Oh hell no...

Stumbling through the stained doors, a bubbly man contrasts the bleak external welcome. As he rambles, I analyze the faded posters nailed to the wall. Dr. Harris briefly mentioned the factory's history of producing bioweapons during the Second World War. Hazardous feels like an understatement. I nodd along with the pleasant man, yet something in my gut tells me to keep my eyes and ears open.

Walking past a dust cloud, my lungs contract. Unable to steady myself, I sneak down a back hall to take my inhaler. The rambling man continues down the other hallway completely oblivious to my absence. I tear the disposable mask off my face. Searching my pockets for the familiar medication, my heart drops. Of course, I left it in the car.

I sink into a seated position once the dizziness sets in. Do. Not. Panic. We cannot do that again. No more emergency room trips. A pair of boots emerges from the shadows.

"Are you alright?"

I nodd while focusing on each labored breath.

"Sometimes, I really hate this city." I wheeze clutching my chest.

Red Hood lets out a dry laugh before taking a seat next to me.

"I have something that might help, but you have to trust me."

A small inhaler makes its way into my left hand. Squinting, a small Bat engraving stares up at me. I give him an incredulous glance. There is no fucking way that Batman has a pharmacy.

"It works. I promise."

Reluctantly, I take two puffs. We sit in silence for a few minutes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. I relish the first full breath of air in days. My lungs expand completely. It is glorious.

"How is your friendship with Killer Croc?"

The immense pain that weighs on my chest lessens slightly.

"I'm sure Waylon wouldn't use the word friend. "

I open my eyes to look at him. Spots litter my vision. The sticky residue has left grime all over his mask. I hesitate.

"Waylon has lost everything... Everyone really. All he really needed was a friend."

Hood stays silent weighing out my words.

"What factory did they make you in?" He questions.

I can almost hear a smile in his voice.

"The same one that kicked you out for defects." I retort staring at the white paint peeling on the far left wall.

Considering the age of this building, I really hope that's not lead paint.

"Touché, Ms. Friendship. Touché"

I give him a friendly shove.

"You know, you aren't as bad as your reputation suggests."

He laughs climbing to his feet.

"I wouldn't go that far. Usually, I'm a dick."

"Better a dick than a sociopath," I say dusting off the black power on my pants.

"Damn Metropolis. Who have you been talking to?"

I shrug.

"It's Gotham. "

After a few moments of friendly silence, he asks

"You ready to find Mr. Optimistic?"

I nodd allowing him to pull me to my feet. Enjoying the comfortable silence, I open the door for him once we make it down the hall. To my surprise, Red Hood slams me against a wall before covering my mouth. Paralyzed in shock, I don't fight him. The Red Bat insignia stares at me. The soft aroma of his cologne catches me off guard. It's nice. Very musky. There's something so... familiar about it. I suddenly feel my face go red. There is no way I am evaluating how good a CRIMINAL smells. Get a grip girl.

Ignoring my mental crisis, Red Hood leads the two of us out the back door. Stumbling out the door behind him, I bend over holding my knees for stability. This is a lot of cardio for a regular inspection.

"What the hell was that about dude?" I hiss in between breaths.

Red Hood doesn't say anything.

"I know you are trying for the strong and silent type, but I think this partnership would benefit from open communication."

Standing up tall, a gunman aims a pistol directly at my temple.

Oh.. That's why.

Tag list: @nosyrobin, @jjsmeowthie, @epicy0n,@gaychaosgremlin, @rory-cakes, @luna-zendra-star

[tryan-a-bex]

I didn’t want to go. There had to be another way, and I was spending all my free time in the library trying to find it, but then they ran out of hero-types and figured, since I’d been working on the problem, they should send me.

They put a gun in my hand, taught me the basics about how to aim and fire (they didn’t think I’d need to deal with reloading), and sent me out. Honestly, I was quaking in my boots. How much was it going to hurt to be destroyed with extreme prejudice by a reality-bending god? I wasn’t brave, I just wanted to go home to a peaceful city instead of one that was being controlled by men fear-mongering about a vengeful god. I don’t really have any pain tolerance to speak of, that’s why I went into scribing instead of child-bearing, those mothers are way more badass than anyone gives them credit for.

Anyway, I found the god, it wasn’t hiding. It didn’t attack me, but I had a job and I wasn’t allowed to come home without doing it, so I reached around a tree, tried to stop my hand from shaking too badly, fired off a shot, and then closed my eyes and waited for the worst.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you just shot me! Oh my god, it hurts! It hurts so much!”

What the actual hell? I peeked out from behind my tree. The god was sitting there crying, holding into its arm and trying to wipe tears away at the same time. Poor thing.

“It’s not that bad,” I said, coming out from behind the tree. “There’s no blood coming out from under your hand, so it must just be a scratch.”

“Do you think so? Could you take a look at it for me?” I swear, the god sounded like my friend Matt who’s as much of a wuss as I am. I went up to it and held out my hand.

It put its hand trustingly in mind and I took a look at the tear in its sleeve just above the elbow. Just a scratch, not even a bead of blood. I’ve had worse papercuts. Good thing I have such bad aim.

“It stings, doesn’t it?” I said sympathetically. The god nodded and covered it again with its other hand.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine again soon. And I promise not to hurt you anymore.”

“Really?” The poor thing sounded so plaintive.

“Were all those heroes really scary for you?” I asked.

“Oh, no, not really,” the god admitted, eyes downcast.

“But?” How could I be scary, and not those powerful heroes who were instantly destroyed? Wait, why was I still alive? “Why haven’t you destroyed me?”

The god looked up at me with pleading eyes. “I reflect those near me. I used to have devoted priests who I cared for, and they kept me kind. Then the vizier sent men to kill them all, but when I’m surrounded by evil men intent on killing, well. Let’s just say they didn’t last long. Nor did the heroes, with their thoughts of destruction. You were afraid of pain, and then filled with compassion, so I am too. I like myself much better this way. Thank you.”

I sat down. “Let’s talk.”

You've been sent out to defeat a powerful, reality bending god. All have died horrifically trying. And here you are in front of the crying god as they complain about how you just shot them.

[polonium-snap]

Fic rec for your bkdkbk post-canon woes

Now that MHA is over I've been satisfying my bkdkbk needs with fics like one does, so I made this fic rec of the best fanfics I've read over the past few months. Unintentionally most of them are rated E, idk why, if you want more fics, feel free to check my ao3 bookmarks, I have over 1000 bkdk fics bookmarked

DISCLAIMER: Please check the tags and warnings thoroughly before reading any of the fics here

Multichapter:

You Gave Me Purpose, Kacchan by wowschreave | Rated T | Post-canon

The first in what I call the "Post-canon holy trinity" I've already talked about this one so much but I'll do it again because this is THE post-canon fic, plus it has amazing, beautiful, wonder-who-made-this-masterpiece ART lol

promises kept by gabstar | Rated E | Post-canon | BKDK

The second instalment of the Post-canon trinity, starring co-depended BKDK which is one of my favorite flavors

Count to Infinity by socksasgloves | Rated T | Post-canon | BKDK

The completion of the holy trinity with more Post-canon goodness because it's what I crave on a cold night

The night we decided to be brave by Albipepo | Rated E | BKDKBK | Accidental parents

I love this one so much, I hated both of them for being stupid half of the time but it's so so worth it

i'm not myself when i'm without you by YunaTuna | Rated M (but I would rate it E) | Possesive BKDK

This one is so interesting and dark, I'm obsessed with possessive Deku and this hits all the right marks and more

And the world went still by Saiyasha | Rated E | BKDK | (temporary) Mayor Character Death | Established relationship

GUT-WRENCHING, this one hits so hard, I nearly died, but it thankfully has a happy ending

Kacchan vs the Internet by palavering | Rated T | Soc Med

This one is not complete but read it read it please it's so good, and the social media aspect is so peak, like I can rave for hours on how well the author uses CSS

Baby Bottles and Blushing Faces by derDschungelderRosen | Rated T

Baby Project is a classic but I adore this take on the idea so much, plus it's hilarious

keep the rain by gheemin | Rated T | Post-canon

I adore how introspective this one is, it also overwhelmed me with feels

Fake it, 'till you make it. by Princess_ofPizza | Rated M| Charades

Drinking games are always bad ideas, unless you're bkdk in which case carry on

Inhibitionless by Sonday | Rated E | Quirk shenanigans

Horny quirks are the best

You Had Me From the Start by bellbloom | Rated E| BKDK| Artist x Bartender AU

As an artist myself Artist!Izuku scratches an itch I didn't know I had

A Starving Artist's Success by StevieBanks | Rated M | BKDK | Artist x Fashion designer AU

Which is why I have two fics with artist Deku, also kind of a meet-cute

Unraveled by omicroncet | Rated M | BKDK |

Three words; sleep deprived Izuku

One-shots:

love in the making by Kacchdeku | Rated G | Post-Canon | BKDK

Third-wheel Kota is the best

Sturdy Heart by lurethegalaxy | Rated T | Post-canon| Established Relationship

Angsty but so so so good

pacemaker by passengerside | Rated T | Post-war | Canon-compliant

The pacemaker scene has me dead, ascending, AND there's art?!!

The Eight Years Between by Loriqod | Rated T | Post-canon | Established relationship

I love when fics fill in the gaps of the canon content

Embers by UglyGreenJacket | Rated T | Post-canon | angst with a happy ending | Established relationship

My poor baby Izuku needs a hug, thankfully Katsuki is there to give it to him

king of hearts by nikkiRA | Rated E | Quirk shenanigans

This quirk is so creative and cute and I love that it also includes their other classmates reactions

crepe date by isidium | Rated T | Fluff

'Cause we all think about that one crepe comment Izuku made one (1) time and so does Katsuki

chasing the rabbit by mimiwrites | Rated T | Amnesia

Even more Quirk shenanigans because those are always so fun

love is a labour (i'll slave til the end) by nikkiRA| Rated E| Omegaverse| DKBK

I love LOVE Omega! Katsuki and you can take him from my cold dead hands

Talk After Talk by beanbeanrose | Rated T | Post-war

This is just them talking but i love it so much

GG by MajestyTime | Rated T | Crack treated seriously

This one is all over the place but in a good way, it played off as a laugh but it has a very interesting what-if scenario

If I'm Being Honest by Queen_of_the_Otakus | Rated M | Truth serum (kinda)

Forced truth situations are so funny because it's never that deep but everyone still freaks out

Thanks for reading!!! Hope you guys like the fics I chose

[a-blog-for-venting-i-guess]

Optimus’ attitude towards Megatron’s betrayal at the end of tf one is very ironic when you take into account earthspark’s premise. (I know they’re separate continuities but hear me out)

TF One’s ending shows Optimus does not think any relationship with Megatron is salvageable. Even before the final fight, Optimus’ first words are,

“We could’ve built the future together.”

Megatron doesn’t process it until the banishment, (his answer to this, “I’ll build it myself,” before charging to attack, and his later shock at the banishment, suggest to me he didn’t even realize that Optimus wasn’t offering some form of Olive Branch or forgiveness) but it’s clear to me Optimus had already given up on his best friend. There was no going back to what they had. But at the same time, part of Optimus desperately wants Megatron to understand why he also chose to let go.

“We could’ve built the future together.”

“We were given the power to change our world but you chose to destroy it, just like Sentinel. You betrayed cybertron and its citizens. And you betrayed… me.”

“It didn’t have to end this way.”

Yet as always, Megatron refuses to take any of the blame.

“This isn’t over… Prime.”

Optimus even had an internal monologue about it. The conflict is key. He acknowledges the line between friend and foe can be blurry but is adamant that once it’s crossed, there can be no going back.

“The line between friend and enemy is not as clear as I once believed. Once it’s crossed, there is no going back, because some transformations are permanent.”

This line is especially fun to think about with Earthspark’s existence. Yes, they are separate continuities, but regardless, it proves Optimus in Transformers One IS WRONG. People can change. They can see they screwed up and try to make amends. It is possible for Megatron to do this.

Whether or not TF One Optimus is willing to give his Megatron another chance should said Megatron ever see the error in his ways is another layer to this. One that, if a sequel of some kind is ever made, I hope they explore.

Granted that would mean this Megs would need a LOT of character development, but I’d love to see him realized he messed up and then Optimus is the one that acts cold in response and has to warm up to the idea of forgiving Megs.

I would love to explore this in a fanfic. But I am both lazy and lack wider knowledge of this franchise and its characters. And unlike Star Trek I don’t feel confident enough to fake it till I make it. So I’ll just think of various scenarios in my head.

[lyrarizi]

THIS POST CONTAINS DISCUSSION ABOUT HAZBIN HOTEL LEAKS

i sadly saw the leaks of hazbin s2 and now a whole plotpoint is ruined for me, i can make sure if you are still saved from seeing them, this is my advice just take a couple days of social media ESPECIALLY of tiktok and wait until the leaks are removed from platforms because they are HEAVY leaks they arent just some simple conversations

how i found out is a gacha reaction video on youtube without ANY spoiler warnings, just dont watch upcoming reaction vids if you consume them people WILL take profit and make reactions, under the cut is the exact name of the video but im not going to type that here since its kinda on the nose and will give you a huge idea of what the leak is about

ALSO: i said under the cut that comments are a safe space to talk and discuss about the spoiler so do NOT look at them since they will showcase spoiler, so to make it clear hopefully

DO NOT LOOK IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU WANT TO STAY SPOILER FREE PLEASE <3

under the cut is discussion about one of the leaks so if you want to stay spoiler free i beg you do not read further

so about that leak..

i do not like it one bit, i am praying to god its fake because it is such a weird choice

because as we see in the leak rosie owns alastor's soul, that is heavily implied, and i myself do not like this choice

we can clearly see alastor does not like rosie and rosie only sees him as a pet and calls him so, this just ruins their whole dynamic for me

alastor and rosie seemed genuine friends and loved to spend time with one nother they were really cute, i thought alastor finally had somone he could lean on

so this

is all fake, all of alastor's moments that we thought were rare moments of his real joy, are fake.

rosie being happy that her best friend has returned from his 7 years disappearance to who knows where?

fake, she's just happy her pet is home to clean up her dirty work..

this also puts into perspective that alastor really does not have any real friends, niffty still always is on his leash so there is a power imbalance, husker probably hates him, vox hates him too and when they were friends i think alastor only was there for the entertainment or he saw him not as a friend anymore as soon as vox confessed

but i really do not like this.

i saw those two as a genuine friendship, married for tax benefits, queerplatonic, best friends for life, even lovers,

not as master/pet

they were cute together, alastor finally had someone he could trust and rosie had someone she could hangout with, gossiping together, rosie enables alastor and alastor enables rosie, maybe they were a bit transactional but you could clearly see they cared about eachother

in the leak we see a total different dynamic, alastor hates rosie and plays along with her, rosie takes delight in alastor's suffering and degrades him like calling him "pet" puts him in cages, uses him as a doll

this is the video i looked at:

im not shaming them this is just the internet but this clearly shows the leak without any sort of warning on the title, cover, or even in the description, i knew nothing about alastor's deal leaks so i had no idea this one would show leaks

as far as i know this the only gacha reaction up to this point where they react to leaks

but now, while i have been writing this post i have been thinking about it.

this is a fun twist i can say, nobody was seeing this coming this is an actual surprise

i can accept and deal with the fact that rosie is alastor's soulowner and maybe still find enjoyment in it, i mean i always love to see alastor suffer and him having 0 real friends is pretty funny (AND SAD)

but if you want to talk about the leaks here in the comments is a safe space to discuss, i can understand you would like to talk with someone about this revelation so come say hi in the comments if you want :D

UPDATE:

So have been thinking about the leak for a bit once i let it sink in

We saw the leak and it looks real (good animation that is hazbin hotel style and the voices are not ai or someone must have had a really good bot for that)

But just because we saw the leak doesn't mean we have context for it

I still am a full believer in the eve/roo theory even after this leak and have been pondering on this animatic

What if roo posessed or shapeshifted into rosie??

We know Alastor doesn't have a good relation with his soulowner and he seems to genuinely like rosie's company, he even bleats and his pupils dilate thats not something you can controle

So it makes no sense for it to be actually rosie

My theory is that roo wanted to be extra petty towards Alastor and decided to sing that song to him as rosie, because whats better than singing a song about owning their soul as their only real loyal best friend??

I know i'm just stretching at this point but i refuse to believe this without context and hazbin is already hella fucking complicated so this could fit

Anyways what do you think? You think this leak is real or fake, do you also not believe it or are you in denial? Lemme know i'm curious and love to trade theories! <3

[atomic-waste-of-time]

ok, maybe I get excited over being turned into a robot, or a pet. Maybe I get super excited thinking about staring into a partners eyes as they help me take my dehumanifier shots, while petting me softly, and telling me I'm doing a good job.

Maybe I just wanna be treated as an object, because objects are treated better than me by everyone I know. Maybe I hate being human because I never got treated as a human, but my entire childhood was rather spent crying and watching nature documentaries while repressing trauma I had in kindergarten when I was 7 years old.

Maybe I was only able to realize what I actually was when I was 14, by remembering the repressed memory of looking in a mirror and saying "I want to be a girl" before getting laughed at by everyone, including the teacher, and as a result my entire school life was spent in a state of panic and survival, being hurt for the amusement of others, never being heard, and often getting into detention for defending myself when I absolutely had to.

Maybe I was yelled at as a child for having a hard time remembering things, or understanding "basic" things, like 3rd grade math, or essays. Maybe I realized too late that I was actually transgender, that there were more people like me, that I wasn't a monster, just misunderstood.

Maybe I'm so sick and tired of fighting for myself, in a world that's hellbent on torturing my very existence. Maybe I dream of being something that isn't human because they don't have to suffer under laws, or currency, or conflicting emotions. Maybe I was treated as a monster my entire life, and adulthood is just adding a crashing burning flame to the comedic tragedy that has been my life.

Maybe I want to be a monster. Maybe I was labelled as a monster so much I learned to adapt to the role, scaring people away, being alone, even though I've always hated it. Maybe I never wanted to be human. Maybe I was born as a monster, labelled a freak by doctors, and told I wasn't special at all, just another cog in a machine everyone seems to hate, but nobody wants to do anything about except for me.

Maybe I want to be treated as an object, as an animal, as something that isn't human, because at least that way I'll feel loved. I'll be accepted. I can be happy, if I give away the thing I hate the most.

Maybe all these are true, maybe one or two, maybe none at all, and maybe you, the Reader, feel the same way.

Maybe we were mistreated and horribly abused, verbally and mentally. Maybe we both feel guilty for our trauma because it isn't as bad as someone else's trauma. Maybe we both hate the world, maybe we both want to change it.

Maybe we grew up in a manipulative home, maybe you grew up without a home, maybe you didn't even think about any of this until now, or maybe it's been a question bugging us our entire lives.

Maybe my family says they care for me, but they treat me like a slave and a freak. Maybe you understand how that feels too.

Maybe we both suffer, maybe we both hurt. Maybe we come here to get away, only to see more people in peril and pain. Maybe we just want to be happy.

Maybe you put everyone else before yourself because you were mentally abused and trained to do so. Maybe you wanted everyone else to be happy because you thought it was impossible for you to be happy. Maybe situations worsened when you showed up, like the universe itself hated your existence. Maybe you feel the same way I do.

Maybe I'm just venting over a silly post about dehumanization, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm spiraling in on myself again.

Maybe I'm trying not to cry. Maybe I'm shaking and sobbing, my fingers move instinctively across the keyboard to communicate while I sob. Maybe my head aches from life crashing down around me.

Maybe I'm losing my home, my life, everything I worked so hard for. Maybe I'll never get to Britain to see my girlfriend. Maybe I'll never be good enough and I'll have to suffer forever, like I have been my entire life, tortured by happy memories that are far outweighed by the negative emotions and swirling hatred for myself, my mind and body in a constant war while I'm just a civilian casualty.

Maybe I can't cope with the fact all I'm doing is venting about my problems in the form of a long text post on tumblr. Maybe I just want to die, but I know I can't yet, when the world still needs someone like me. Maybe I have a greater purpose, maybe I matter. Maybe I don't, and the voices that scream in my day to day life are all right. Maybe I should just end my story before it gets any worse. Maybe my story will get better. Maybe I'll be ok. Maybe we'll all be ok.

Maybe I'll be loved as an object, or a pet. Maybe I'll feel cherished and appreciated. Maybe I'll be able to cry when my girlfriend holds me close. Maybe I'll be able to open a cafe just for us, where we sell tea and play music, and live out our dream. Together.

Maybe I'll be happy. Maybe I'll be better off.

Maybe I'm being too sincere. Maybe not sincere enough.

Maybe you have a lot to think about. Maybe you should reflect on yourself as a person. Maybe we all should.

Maybe I'm being too sincere.

But that's what you wanted, right?

dehumidifier? no. you misheard. i said deHUMANifier