#and next week i will be on the bus or in an uber carrying an unmarked bag

[dokpetra]

They give you a poop fork. If they need to test your kitty's poop at the vet. They give you a tube and the lid of the tube has a fork on it. To fork the poop. They gave me a poop fork. !

[wonusite]

nalani im in need of some sexy cheol smut 🧎🏻‍♀️

okay so i kind of got carried away bc i started thinking about sugar daddy!cheol who’s lowkey obsessed with the cute little college intern that works at his company. lmk what you think 🤭

from the moment seungcheol saw you, he knew he had to have you.

his need for you increases a tenfold when he hears what a good job you’re doing and how diligent and punctual you are. cheol starts coming around your area more—much to his subordinates’ distress. like they’re so tense when he comes around bc sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s ridiculously rigid and strict. and you’re no exception bc you’ve heard all about his demand for perfection.

except when he comes around to your desk, pretty smile in place, you seem to forget every single warning your coworkers have said to you. seungcheol is interested in your opinions and input, telling you how nice it is to have such a fresh perspective. his attention makes you feel proud and shy all at the same time, but you’re forced to get used to it bc he starts coming around a lot more.

it’s hard for seungcheol to control his desire for you. all he wants to do is make you his and have you on his arm at all times, but he knows he has to play it cool since you’re one of his employees. still, he can’t not spoil and dote on you. it’s just not in his nature.

especially when he finds out you take the bus and sometimes uber to work. he can’t stand the thought of pretty little you riding around in public transportation with your cute skirts and blouses. so one afternoon he calls you in his office and offers you a key to a brand new car. when you laugh off his very serious words, he has to laugh it off too. clearly, he would have to take smaller steps with you.

at least you accept to have his secretary take you and from work.

it doesn’t end there, though. he always offers to buy the office lunch since he knows you’d feel some sort of way if he only bought you lunch. if cheol orders in, he makes sure to get plenty of what you like. if he decides to take everyone out to a restaurant, he makes sure to sit next to you.

admittedly, you love his attention. it’s so flattering that such a smart, handsome man has taken in interest in you no matter how small. what you don’t realize is that his interest is anything but small.

you realize this when you find out that the rest of your tuition has been paid in full.

when you confront your boss, he doesn’t deny it. seungcheol just casually raises an eyebrow, asking why it was so wrong of him to help such a deserving woman like yourself. you’re so flustered that you can’t think straight. he goes on to say that this is only the beginnings of his displays of affections.

suddenly, you start getting bouquets of flowers every week, along with expensive skin care and perfumes. then, that turns into designer clothing and shoes that somehow fit you perfectly. you’d be lying if you say you didn’t love it, but you know you have to put an end to it.

“the clothes aren’t to your taste.” seungcheol muses with a thoughtful nod after you place the bags on his desk one morning. “very well. i’ll let you pick what you want from now on.”

you almost collapse when he holds out his black card for you to take. as you start to splutter about why you can’t accept it, he cuts you off with his soft yet firm voice.

“let me take you out. three times. after that, if you want me to leave you alone, i will.”

it’s like a dream when you spend time with him. seungcheol is much more than a cold, rich man who has more power than anyone you know. he’s thoughtful, kind, and a genuine person. by the end of the first date, you know you won’t be able to stop seeing him.

so you suddenly have a new car, a new luxury apartment, and an entire new wardrobe. your nights are suddenly filled with excitement, always going to places you could’ve only dreamed of. it’s all like a fantasy to you, especially because the most seungcheol has done is kiss your cheek or the back of your hand.

until one night when he’s stressed and you insist that he lets you help him take the edge off.

“daddy!” you cry out as seungcheol pounds into your hot cunt from behind.

“fuck, princess.” cheol groans gutturally as he watches your ass recoil against his pelvis. he slaps your ass and roughly kneads it, loving how the flesh feels in his palms. “love this pretty ass and your tight little pussy.”

your eyes roll to the back of your head as he continues to ram his thick cock into your sweet spot. his heavy balls hit your clit with every thrust, and the stimulation finally pushes you over the edge. you come with a loud moan, staining his thick cock with your orgasm.

“louder, princess.” cheol grips your hips and pounds into you harder. “i want the entire building to hear you moaning for me.”

“stuff me full of your cum, daddy!” you cry out wantonly, his thrusts quickly pushing you into another orgasm. “want you to fill me up!”

you’re abruptly flipped over, legs hooked on seungcheol’s broad shoulders as he starts to drill into you harder and faster. you’re tightening around his cock so much that he can hear a wet plop sound every time he fucks his cock back into you.

“come for me again, princess. come on daddy’s cock while he fucks a baby into this sweet cunt.”

when seungcheol bites down on your neck, you both come violently. thick ropes of hot cum paint your gummy walls, coating every part of you in his essence. you’re mewling as cheol licks and bites at your sensitive flesh. his hips keep moving, fucking his cum deeper inside you.

his lips meet yours for a messy kiss, addicted to the way your cunt keeps sucking him in. he groans into your mouth. “feels like you want more cum from the way you're squeezing me.”

“please, daddy.” you beg against his lips. “keep fucking your cum into me. want to be full of you always.”

seungcheol goes feral with your pleas. he wraps your legs around his waist, drilling his still-hard cock into you again. he watches, satisfied, as your eyes roll back while your mouth drops open in pleasure. his heavy balls smack your ass loudly as he splits you open on his cock. each thrust is getting harder as he chases his second orgasm.

“gonna fuck you full of my cum all night, baby. not gonna stop until you’re pretty little pussy is full of me.”

[psi-hate]

i've been working this new job for about 3 weeks, but due to them putting my bank details in incorrectly and only having it fixed after the pay date, i have no idea when i'm gonna see it properly deposited into my account. my boss told me "probably in a few days" but still nothing so i may not get paid properly until my next payday on the 22nd. currently i've been working about 90 hours per pay period, which is 10 hours overtime, due to some people quitting meaning im working 6-7 days a week being the only one who works the overnight shift anymore.

it's been really exhausting, and i'm hardly able to get any sleep with how stressed and wired it's been leaving me. i'm constantly needing to uber to work because they keep calling me in early 10 minutes before they need me in so i can't catch a bus and make it in time, and it's been draining my already empty account. i have $20 left to last me at least a week and i have to spend that much every day on an uber just to arrive on their whim on time.

i really need some help right now. at least until i get paid, things like groceries and transportation and whatever else i need i can no longer afford. i was hoping i'd never have to ask this again, especially since i'm employed again, but things have been snowballing for weeks and i could really use a little help to make it over this hill.

if anyone can spare anything, please feel free to do so via my ko-fi:

i really appreciate it. i am hopeful things will calm down within a week or two, i'll get paid, and have my schedule back to 3-4 days instead of 6-7 so i can finally rest. just hate that i'm the only one left to carry the burden of this rapidly collapsing workplace and don't have anything to show for it due to factors outside of my control.

thanks for reading. i hope everyone is doing alright <33

[vanfleeter]

Cuddle Bug // Danny

Pairing: Danny x reader

Warning: pure fluff

Author's Note: Just wanted to write a fluffy Danny blurb. Ps, couldn't add a page break on mobile, will edit that in later.

Summary: Danny misses you and misses cuddling you.

It’s been three months since the tour started. Between the phone calls and the late night texts, Danny needs something more. Something he’s been craving since the day he left. That something is you.

He misses holding you in his arms, feeling your warmth warm his body. He misses nuzzling his face in your hair and smelling the scent of your shampoo until he drifts off to sleep. Cuddling a pillow in a cold, lonely hotel room or the god awful, uncomfortable bunk on the bus just doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t fulfill his needs.

So when the first break of the tour comes around, he’s the first to jump into action and take the first flight home. Landing in Nashville at the ripe hour of three in the morning, he takes an Uber home so he wouldn’t have to wake you. When the car pulls up in the driveway, he hops out and dragging his duffle bag with him and rushes up to the front door.

As eager as he is to finally cuddle you, he wants to be extra quiet as he unlocks the door and throws it open. Kicking off his shoes and hanging up his jacket, he drops his bag on the floor by the stairs and climbs the flight to the second floor.

Slowly pushing open the bedroom door he peers inside to find you curled up in a ball underneath covers that are drawn up to your face. A smile spreads across his face as his body buzzes with excitement.

Tip toeing over to the bed, he carefully crawls underneath the covers and wraps his arms around your waist. No movements come from you indicating to him just how deep in your sleep you are. Most definitely will be a surprise when you wake up the next morning.

Loving being the big spoon, he curls into your body and nuzzles his face into your hair. When he inhales the scent of your shampoo, he notices that it’s not your usual scent. Instead he smells strawberries. He smiles into your hair and inhales it again. Soon he falls asleep smelling your strawberry scented hair and cuddling you closely.

The next morning when he wakes up, he finds the bed empty and you're gone from within his arms. He pouts and lays his hand on your pillow. Hearing the door open he turns his head to see you walking in and carrying two mugs full of coffee.

“Good morning.” You beam as you climb onto the bed. You hand him one of the coffee mugs before sitting down on the bed. “I was pleasantly surprised to see you when I woke you.”

“Surprise baby.” He says leaning over to kiss you.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You give him a kiss before settling into the bed with your coffee. “It’s been so lonely here without you.”

Danny sighs. “It won’t be much longer.” He says.

“How long are you here now?” You ask.

“A week.” He says. “The whole seven days.”

“Lovely.” You set your coffee on the nightstand and cuddle back into his body. “I bet you missed cuddling every night.”

“You have no idea.” He says as he softly traces different shapes on the skin of your arm. “Hotel pillows just don’t cut it.”

“Well you have me for a whole week, so we can make up for last night.”

“I am never letting you go.” He says holding you tighter.

Eventually he finishes his coffee as you slowly drift back off to sleep. Readjusting your bodies, he pulls you back against him and wraps his body around you. Snuggling into the warmth of his torso, you wrap your arms around him.

He only wishes the two of you could stay like this forever.

O fim

[matildesimaoblog]

new beginnings

September 13th - 24th

Last spring, I registered for a French semester in Paris. I translated necessary documents, took an entry-level exam while I was in Dublin, booked an Airbnb, and bought a surprisingly cheap TGV ticket.

I arrived on Wednesday, September 13th with two heavy suitcases and intermediate French, which I hadn't practiced since my language stay in Nice last April. To say that it was a struggle to carry my luggage from la Gare de Lyon to the other side of Paris, specifically the 7th arrondissement, might be an understatement. Because I've been to Paris multiple times, I'm familiar with the number of stairs in every metro station. This city's public transport clearly wasn't designed for travelers and little girls like me who don’t have a single strong muscle in their body. Before my departure, I had the fantastic idea to take the bus to my Airbnb because a) there wouldn't be any stairs involved, and b) it would be more affordable than a taxi or an Uber. Although I think the bus journey to my accommodation was easier, I still arrived sweaty and exhausted. So, even though I kind of recommend taking the bus instead of the metro when you arrive in Paris, don't expect it to be effortless.

As I've mentioned, I'm here in Paris to study and improve my French. I chose to do this semester because next year I would like to pursue a Bachelor's degree (une licence) in France, and to do that, I have to have at least a B2 level of French to enter a higher education institution. Currently, I'm studying at the Sorbonne Nouvelle University, which offers a variety of diplomas such as the Diplôme Universitaire de Langue Française (DULF) that I'm pursuing.

The evening I arrived, I went grocery shopping. I had to go to 5 different stores because the selection of products was small, and they didn't really have what I wanted. It turns out that not every Carrefour is the same. Apparently, there are different types, such as Carrefour City, Carrefour Express, which is even smaller, and Carrefour Marché, which I later found on Google Maps. Based on my personal grocery shopping experience, I thought the Carrefour Marché in the 6th arrondissement was the best one. They have a wide variety of items. During my first week, I found myself in that grocery store multiple times, and you might think I'm crazy, but I'm convinced that grocery shopping is a new hobby of mine. Is buying food a necessity? Yes. Would a normal human being therefore consider it a hobby? No. But the argument in favor of it being a valid hobby is that I definitely enjoy it more than the average person. So yes, basically, I have a new pastime.

Before my classes began, I had a few days to get some things done. I bought my Navigopass and a French SIM card, which caused me a few issues. Somehow, there was another person using the same French number as me because when I changed my number on WhatsApp, I was added to over twenty random group chats. I figured the only thing I could do was go to the store and explain the situation. Until then, I spent my time deleting a large unnecessary number of group chats with identical names. Like, how many "Paris to Miami" groups do you need?! Eventually, my problem was fixed by simply getting a new number again.

On the weekend, I visited the Musée Rodin, which I hadn't been to before. I was obsessed with the architecture, and besides the multiple statues, they had some incredible paintings. After walking around the museum, I sat in the garden for a while to read and enjoy the quiet. To my surprise, I saw a rat — my second one so far. When I was here in 2020, I had my first experience while walking along the Jardin des Tuileries. I also had the opportunity to visit the Bibliothèque Sainte-Geneviève, the most beautiful library I've ever seen, because of the journées européennes du patrimoine that were happening in Paris.

During my first week in Paris, I started to face the reality of being an adult. Having to cook for myself on a daily basis is exhausting. I really don't understand how my parents and other adults I know were able to do it for so long. Furthermore, I'm trying to be financially responsible with my money because I haven't gotten a job yet, and life in Paris is expensive. I think living alone in general is something I'm getting used to. I had a few moments where I felt alone, especially before making friends. Considering the fact that I'm an introvert, I'm not always motivated to be social, which was the case during this first week. But sometimes, it can get lonely. I suppose I'm trying to make new connections, but I should probably still consider that spending time on my own can have a positive effect on my well-being as well.

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, which I will try to capture in short videos and almost weekly updates in the form of a blog post. Enjoy!

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

This Sarah Everard case is so terrifying for women. But not only am I terrified - I am furious.

⚠️ tw for mentions of r*pe, sexual assault, violence against women, murder etc. ⚠️

She was just walking, including walking by busy roads and not dark alleyways. She was dressed in winter clothes. Even if she HAD walked down a dark alleyway or been wearing something short or “revealing”, she still wasn’t doing anything wrong - she was just walking somewhere.

Her murderer - a police officer named Wayne Couzens - plotted to murder a woman to live out his perverse fantasy. He didn’t plot to kill a specific woman - he knew he would murder a woman, any woman he thought he could abduct, any woman who would be out at night on her own. Sarah was just there.

Not only did he drive miles and hours to kill a woman, not only was he a police officer… he used his badge, police belt, handcuffs and credentials to fake arrest her to get her into his car. If a police officer tells you to go with them, we’re told to not resist, to be obedient or we will be in even more trouble. Even if she HAD done what the MET have just said women should do - “question non uniformed officers!” - it wouldn’t have helped her because he was a police officer. He had the credentials. Why would she run away and resist a police officer? And if women do resist, the police commit violence against them (like at the Clapham Common vigil for Sarah).

He handcuffed her, drove her for hours, then raped and murdered her. This fucking monster strangled her with his fucking police belt. He burnt her body and disposed of her in a pond.

A police officer did this - a fucking police officer, a MET officer, the MET we’re supposed to trust. And you want women to trust them?!!

And I don’t want to hear that “don’t judge the whole profession based on one bad apple”, because guess what? This is not the first time a police officer has harmed a woman. There is misogyny rooted deep in the MET that needs to be addressed. Wayne Couzens was literally nicknamed “The Rapist” by other police officers and had offended in the past by flashing people, and that’s just what we know of - and yet not a single person did anything. The police joked about it. Several officers gave character references supportive of Couzens during the hearings for his sentencing, and female officers told the press that they did not feel as if they could report concerning behaviour by male colleagues.

It’s thought that at LEAST 15 serving or former police officers have killed women in UK since 2009, and HUNDREDS of UK police officers have convictions for crimes, including assault. There are many cases that do not go reported, and so it’s likely the numbers on both counts are actually higher. Why are they still allowed to serve? Why is our government giving them more power and freedom to arrest whoever they please? “It’s not that many” - IT SHOULD NOT BE ANY.

If you can’t see why there’s a huge problem with our police force and why we say “fuck the police”, you’re part of the problem.

And the fear and anger we feel isn’t new - this has been a problem for literally all of our lives.

At 11, I learnt to come home before dark, and if it was dark in the winter on my way home (meaning: every night in winter), I was taught to not go down any dark lanes, and if I was walking the dark lane I had to go down if I got the bus home, I was to walk as fast as I could and to not have earphones in because i wouldn’t hear attackers. Every day from September 2009 to July 2014, coming home from secondary school, I was told to either wait for my dad or grandad to pick me up or to walk down the busiest road that ran near my house and had constant cars on it. I couldn’t take the shortcut down the public footpath on my way home from sixth form college because it was too dark and isolated - I had to go around it and through the village instead, which took more time but was vaguely safer. Since university, I’ve made a point of waiting for the hourly bus that stops just round the corner from my home and on the busiest road, even though I have to wait up to an hour for it usually, because getting the bus that comes every 15 minutes means walking up the dark quiet lane.

At age 13, I learnt not to talk to even very friendly men, even not in broad daylight, even with a female friend, when some old man approached us and started complimenting us, telling us we had “nice smiles” and “I can hook you up with someone who can help you get into acting” and “here’s £10, you go down to the garage down the road and get whatever you girls want”.

At 14, I learnt not to sit in trees in the park by the gate, not even during the day when it’s sunny, when an old man entered the park, took one look at me, and said “you’ve got a nice arse”. I couldn’t prove he had said anything, and I would see him on my way to school sometimes and panic.

At 19, I learnt that I could not trust friendly men online. Apologies to any decent men I have spoken to online - there’s a few who are nice and not weird, I’m not talking about them. I learnt this when a guy I was speaking to on my old blog - who had for weeks just been generally nice and checking in on me - started to send intimate and sexual messages that started with “*hugs you*” and became “*spanks your ass*”, “takes your clothes off”, “f*cks you hard”, just to name a few (and these were the milder ones). When I asked his age, he merely said “older” than me - “more than twice as old as you”, actually. I learnt to not talk to men online, and if I did then I had to set very clear boundaries in a way that wasn’t too obvious - not say it outright but make it clear I am “unavailable”.

I have to carry a rape alarm on my keys, just in case. I could go out to bars if I wanted to, I could have at university when all my peers were - but doing it meant risking the chance of being harmed while intoxicated or on my way home. I have to send my location to my mother if I get any Ubers, if I go out to theatres or cinemas in the evening I have to text my mum to say I’ve arrived safe. I only feel safe out at night if I’m with a man that I trust like my dad or grandad - I got very lucky at Uni because not only did one girl make sure I got home safely at 1 in the morning by calling me a cab, but one boy even stayed with me on another night until my dad arrived to pick me up, because he knew leaving me intoxicated at 2:30 in the morning was dangerous. I have even phoned my grandmother while walking home in the dark because being on the phone to someone means you’re less of a target to an attacker.

Men do not have this experience - or, if they do, it’s nowhere near the fear and worry women feel every day. Women can’t even walk somewhere without being worried of being attacked - we cannot go anywhere without asking ourselves “am I safe?”. Are we wearing the “correct” clothing, so as to not give off the wrong idea? Are we walking down the well lit roads where it’s busy? Are we aware of our surroundings, of every single person nearby? Do I have my keys in my hand, ready to defend myself if I’m attacked? Women are blamed if we are attacked - not men, but women. “She was dressed slutty” “she was passed out drunk” “she was walking down a dark lane” “she was out late”.

When doing safe guarding training at my current TA job, I came across this phrase: “always think it can and will happen”. Just as a teacher or TA should not think “none of my students will be victims of abuse”, women should not for one second believe that they are safe and “it will never happen to me” - every day we have to think of how to prevent our own assault or murder, just in case.

Every time I’m walking home in the dark, I have the fleeting wonder of “what picture(s) of me will they use if I’m attacked or go missing?”. I was not really surprised when I saw that other women said the same thing. Women wonder it so often it’s almost a joke, an absent minded thought. But it’s not a joke - it’s real life for us, every single day.

Sarah Everard is not a one off case. Sabina Nessa, a 28 year old primary school teacher, was murdered on 18th September this year, her body discovered the next day by a dog walker. So far in 2021, 110 women have been murdered in the UK by men (or men are the prime suspects). Only a handful get national attention because at this point, violence and murder against women have become normalised in this country.

I am not only heartbroken for all of these women and their families - I am scared for my own safety; I am scared for the safety of my mother, my grandmother, my aunts. I am scared for the safety of my 20 year old sister, the safety of my 17 and 14 year old cousins, for the safety of my older male cousin’s two daughters who are only 4 and 1. I am scared for the safety of every single girl and woman I have worked with, the safety of every woman I have ever spoken to.

But I am also furious and filled with rage. Women should not be scared to go out or have fun, we should not have to take such precautions or measures that still won’t completely prevent our assaults or murders. I am sick and tired of the victim blaming when a woman is murdered, of the indifference of “oh another woman”, of this being how women are expected to live their lives.

I’m tired of this problem being ignored by our government, tired of no one giving a shit about us or our safety.

[lcngdays-arc]

Jamboree is no fan of the bus. Not really. Especially not in unfamiliar cities. But his phone had died so it wasn't as if he could just order an uber at this point! Technically, he wasn't supposed to be here at all. In Philadelphia. He'd never been before and he didn't really care about it, other than the fact that he had decided he hated the airport he'd flown into. They'd lost his luggage! It was all around a nightmare, but not nearly as big of a nightmare as if he'd taken the connecting flight he was supposed to take to North Carolina.

...come to think of it, maybe that's where his luggage ended up.

All Jamboree has at the moment are the clothes on his back and a backpack he'd used as a carry on bag. There wasn't much in the backpack, but at least his wallet was in it. He could buy his essentials while he stayed in a hotel here for a week or two. Enough to satisfy his boss that he was "well rested," and "properly vacationed out."

Whatever. He didn't need a vacation. But, here he was all the same.

When the person he sits next to speaks, Jamboree startles slightly. He glances over, and, despite his irritable tone and demeanor, Jamboree keeps an unbothered smile on his face. In his opinion, most people being mean simply needed a little kindness directed their way.

"well, hello to you too! I don't know much about busses, but i thought the front seats were reserved for old people and, you know, people with disabilities and stuff? we don't really have public transportation like this back in kodiak, so! what do i know." He laughs softly. "i'm guessing you aren't interested in conversation though, huh? that's okay! we can just sit here... in awkward silence... if that's what you want..."

i hate the bus. it's loud and crowded and full of a bunch of idiots. i would much rather be driving my range rover home from work, but i can't do that right now. it's in the shop. because mac borrowed it and 'all of a sudden it started acting weird' even though it had been fine prior to him borrowing it. asshole, breaking my fucking car. thankfully mac was still closing up at paddy's right now, so i was alone. which apparently was a gift that would be short lived, due to some guy deciding to sit right next to me. a whole bus, and he decides to sit next to me? jesus christ.

"seriously, guy?" i can't help but ask, head snapping to the side to stare at the other with a raised brow. my hand raises, gesturing at a pair of two empty seats towards the front of the bus. "all these options for peace and quiet and you decide to sit right next to me?" my eyes roll and i turn to look out the window, letting out a heavy sigh as i watch the city move past us.

19.  TRANSIT :  for one muse to sit next to the other on a public transport, @lcngdays.

[gretavanbitch]

Tangled up in blue- 2

warnings- drugs lol 

One month and six weeks prior- 

Keeping herself busy when Josh was gone was no easy task for Penny. She tried her hardest to focus on work, sitting in front of rows of developed film, feeling burned out. There was no good reason for this feeling, simply that she was lonely. Sighing, she thought of the only thing to relax her and calm her mind without Josh, weed. 

Her bare feet padded across the hardwood floors of their loft softly, overalls rustling slightly as she made her way to their bedroom. She walked to the brown cabinet next to her side of the bed and pulled out a small encrusted gold box. This box was opened probably too often when she was home without Josh, but also when he was there. She pulled out a filter, and papers. Then taking a bunch off the gram, she grinded it slowly, closing her eyes and wishing she was somewhere else. As her hands moved absentmindedly, she imagined what the boys were doing right now. They were probably on some tour bus or green room getting drunk, which sounds a lot more fun than getting high alone. She imagined Josh, sitting in some plush chair with some extravagant jumpsuit on, smiling and laughing with his friends, without her. She decided to shoot him a text, just some reassurance that he was still there. 

Penny: Hey babe, Jake try to murder you yet? 

Sent: 8:23pm 

She sat, licking the joint closed and waiting eagerly for a reply from Josh. After five minutes, she decided that she would put on a record and smoke, just to pass the time. Joni Mitchell’s Blue started to reverberate off the walls of the apartment, causing her to smile softly to herself. She remembered back to the first road trip she took with Josh, playing this album over and over again until they reached the other side of the country. His hair would run wild with the windows down, and a smile never left his face that week. Snapping back to reality, she brought the joint to her lips and lit her lighter, inhaling deeply and falling back into the couch. After the record had run through both sides, she felt like she needed to do something with her day other than smoke and miss Josh. 

Once again, the rows of film stood daunting before her. It was as if they were the royal guard for an impenetrable force in which her motivation was protected. With a hazy mind, she started flipping through the photographs of the recent week, smiling wider with each one. Your favorite was one that you took of Josh outside of a cabin in Washington. He stood away from the camera, but was smiling straight at it, teeth shining and bandana around his neck. That was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, the purest form of natural beauty. Nothing like anything, ever. She also chuckled to herself as she flipped to one of Sammy biting Josh’s hand, and Jake posed dramatically against a boulder.

She loved the way that the light reflected with the camera lens, and the way that it interacted with the subject. Just as she was about to write down a title for the series, her phone buzzed on the table next to her, lighting up with a notification from Josh. 

Josh: Hey mama, just got off stage, it went great. I wish you could've seen it. How did the film come out? 

P.S, Jake has tried to stab me sixteen times already. 

Sent: 12:34AM

Penny: It came out great, here see. 

Attachment: 3 images 

Sent 12:35AM 

Josh: Beautiful, my love. You have a gift for manipulating the light, it's amazing. Can we talk or are you too tired? 

Sent: 12:36AM 

The thought of talking to Josh without seeing his face and expressions change with each word, caused her chest to hurt with want. So instead, she clicked the Facetime button rather than call. 

Her phone vibrated for a few seconds, panging in her ear loudly. Yet within the blink of an eye, she was greeted with her favorite pair of brown eyes staring onto the screen in front of him. She smiled, and floofed her hair to make sure it didn’t look too trash. 

“Hey pretty lady,” he smiled at her. Josh was laying on his back on a bed, presumably on the tour bus. He was lacking in a shirt, but the beads that always decorated his neck hung down past his chest. His hand was stretched above his head, and the phone was angled up from his stomach. 

“Hey pretty boy,” she responded, positioning the phone in a more comfortable position on the couch, “watcha up to rockstar?” 

“you know the usual, living the life, but I really really really wish you were here, everybody does.” His eyes blinked slowly, showing signs of tiredness, but he would never reveal that to you right now, your time was too precious. 

“I do too, trust me its so fucking depressing here with just me and Marely,” she sighed, reffering to the tabby cat that her and Josh adopted together a few months ago. 

“aw how is she?” He asked, smiling into the phone. Penny moved the camera to her right, displaying the cat that was curled up by her hip. 

“She is great, but wishes she was living the rockstar life,” Josh chuckled to Penny’s response. 

“Okay but seriously Pen, can’t you just call sick for one week, say you got really bad food poisoning,” he pleaded. 

“If I say that, then I feel like I will accidentally manifest that I will actually get food poisoning for a week,” she laughed into the phone. 

“fair point, but it’s not the same without you here, I’m not the same without you here,” his tone shifted to a more serious one with every word, looking straight into her eyes through the screen. 

“I mean technically I’m on studio time right now, so they wouldn’t know if I came with you for a week or two...or they would fire me,” she scratched her chin, thinking out the possibilities in her head. 

“If they fire you, then just go freelance, they never fully understood your work anyways,” he smirked at her, knowing that she always complained about the company she was hired by, repeating their failures for understanding creativity. 

“Alright Kizka, you drive a hard bargain,” Penny smiled. 

“Is that a yes?” Josh’s eyes widened at the blonde girl through the screen. 

“it is not a no.” 

“fuck yes, so I can book you a plane ride to California for tomorrow?” He now got up from the bunk, excitedly running to his computer. 

“Mhm, just tell me what time.” 

“Ok here’s one, leaves Nashville at 8, gets in Cali at 10,” Josh said, calculating the time difference in his head. 

“you are such a bad influence, Kizka,” Penny rubbed her forehead tiredly. 

“I will see you tomorrow my love, get some sleep okay?” he smiled at her tired expression, kissing the camera of his phone sweetly. 

“see you tomorrow.” and with that she hung up the phone and exhaled loudly. What just happened? One conversation with Josh and she hits the road. It makes her think back to when she didn’t have anyone, and spent years alone in her little studio apartment, taking photos of walls and birds. Now she would drop everything with the snap of his fingers. In her heart she knew that her dependency on him for happiness was not right, but she was too deep in. Her head was stuck underwater, surrounded by the cool rush of his love. The flaws went unnoticed by both of them in fact, just simply mistaking it for head over heels infatuation. 

As her head hit the pillow, she thought that the emptiness of the room was less significant as it was a few hours ago. Maybe it was the excitement of the idea of not sleeping alone tomorrow, or just the few minutes of hearing his voice. Whatever it was lulled her softly to sleep. 

In a hazy dream, she remembered her and Josh’s first kiss. It was outside of their favorite bar after their second date. He stood next to her, shoulder pressed to hers, and hand interlacing with her own. He was wearing his usual attire, a white long sleeved shirt and tan pants. Yet he looked extravagant, his energy was inherently outgoing. As he says, the Kizka’s have a “flair for flair”. The cool wind seemed to push the pair together, jostling her hair softly as he looked over at her. His eyes were slightly hooded, closed just a slightly against the wind. Her glances fell down to his cupids bow, admiring its shape, then to his lips where she wished she never had to leave. He noticed the shift in her gaze and did the same himself, smirking at her. She smiled, tugging his chin towards her. His hands laced through her hair, smiling into the kiss. Their lips met, and they fit together like they were made for each other, and no one else. 

Her alarm forced her out of the wonderful image that played in her sleep, jutting her eyes open to the harsh sunlight of the morning. She quickly packed an old leather suitcase with a few pairs of jeans, shirts, and dresses, knowing that she would be stealing jewlery and sweatshirts from Josh. In what seemed like five minutes she was at her gate, coffee in hand, and camera stowed in her carry-on bag. She decided to text Josh that she was about to board the plane, knowing that he was probably still asleep. 

Penny: Hey, boarding now. I’ll text you when I land

sent 8:05am

She then put her earbuds in, deciding on listening to the new album, just so she was prepared to sing alone at the shows. It wasn’t like she hadn’t memorized it the night it came out, but she always felt bad listening to it with Josh, it just felt odd to her. The first song to come on shuffle was Light My Love, and she nearly cried remembering the fireside performance she witnessed a not too long ago. 

The plane ride went by in what felt like minutes. Her mind was racing with so many thoughts, most about getting in trouble with work, but others about Josh and how excited she was to see him and the rest of the band. The tires of the plane landed in California with a jaulting thud, and she was brought out of her dissociation. 

She knew that Josh expected her to uber to the venue, after all he was probably just waking up now. So she called an uber, standing outside of LAX clad in an old Janis Joplin shirt, flare jeans, and her classic high heeled leather boots. Penny looked straight out of the 70′s, but Josh felt like the 70′s, a pair who perfectly complimented each other. 

The uber ride was bumpy and seemingly and hour too long. She finally reached the venue at 11:46, hastily thanking the driver and sauntering to the tour bus parked behind the stage. She knocked a few times on the door, and after the third time, she finally heard a groggy “what do you want” 

She smiled, pushing the door open with her foot and walking up the stairs, she was met with a pool of long brown hair and a very naked Jake laying on one of the bunks. Josh was nowhere to be seen. 

“Oh hey Penny, what are you doing here?” Jake asked casually, ignoring the fact that he was naked. She was not phased by the latter twins actions, after all, she spent a fair amount of time with the band and often felt like she was equally as close with all of the members. 

“Just lookin for my loverboy, any idea where he is?” She answered, leaning against on of the seats camly. 

“I think I remember him saying he wanted to go hear the acoustics of the empty stage, so maybe he’s there,” Jake answered groggily. 

“thanks,” she said as she made her way, now at a faster speed then before towards the back entrance of the venue. The staff didn’t seem to bat an eye at her as she hastily walked hallway after hallway until she reached the back of the stage. Then she saw him, standing with his arms out wide, silently absorbing the feeling of the empty arena. 

“babe?” she said, accidentally making it sound like a hushed whisper. 

The curly headed man then turned his head over his shoulder, smiling. His smile widened nearly ten fold when he saw the girl to his left. She looked amazing, her hair seemingly always falling in just the right way, she paused for a moment, reaching for something in her bag. 

“don’t move, and look forward again, just like you were before,” She smiled and clicked the shutter of the camera, knowing it would be beautiful, every photo with Josh in it is. She then put the camera away and ran into his arms, collapsing into his embrace. He hugged her tightly, moving his hands up and down her back. 

“I missed you so much my love,” He said into her hair. 

“I missed you more lover,” she replied. 

Hey pretty people! I hoped you liked this chapter, I may or may not write another either tomorrow night or by sunday! Asks are open for Jake or Josh imagines BTW!

[lagringalatinaincolombia]

New Beginnings⛅️

Hello and thank you to anyone and everyone who has come across my blog! 💙🧿

In case you aren’t up to speed I moved to Bogotá, Colombia 🇨🇴 a few weeks ago to start my Fulbright English Teaching Assistant fellowship. Many of you that personally know me are probably wondering why I didn’t share this sooner... but honestly I packed my bags the night before and hopped on my flight without much preparation. I knew the day was approaching but with all the uncertainty in my life this past year, I didn’t wanna get my hopes up in case for whatever reason my program was canceled. In addition, for those of you who may not already know, I lost my father very unexpectedly in March of this year, that has left me with this incredibly heavy feeling I carry along everyday. All this trauma has ultimately cost me some of my friendships, made me feel so BITTER and, quite frankly made me dread having to start each day all over again. However, I’m hoping to change this and not allow myself to remain in the mindset of being a victim to all the loss and tragedies I’ve experienced in the past year. Because I believe that if my dad could see me right now, he’d be so proud and brought to tears to know all the love,support, and hard work my mom and him showed me has paid off. And finally understanding that, I know that I will be okay. (I totally cried while typing that 😅)

Anyways- now that I’ve prefaced this with all my emotional baggage 😌 I’ll tell you a little more about me in general.  I’m originally from Houston,Texas and Mexican-American however, I never really spoke Spanish growing up because it was kinda seen taboo in the 90s to do so. So once I began high school I really started gaining more interest in learning more about my culture and the language. Then, I moved to Cedar Rapids,Iowa to begin college where I decided to minor in Spanish. Going to Coe was such a beautiful experience where I had the opportunity to meet some amazing people from all over the world. It also allowed me to go to Spain (my biggest dream at the time come true!), which made me realize “like wow.... I really need to improve my Spanish speaking skills” because 1. it’ll allow me to have a greater connection with my culture  2. it’s super vital if I want to return to the US and begin a career. and 3. I couldn’t communicate with my host brother who was 3 years old at the time (yikes 🙃)

After this experience in Spain, I knew I had to return to a Spanish-speaking country to fully learn the language. This is when I started the application process for Fulbright Colombia and in April of 2020 I got the news that I was a finalist! In May of 2020, I “graduated” from Coe College with my B.A. in Biology & Neuroscience however, my Fulbright was deferred for a full year.  Which now knowing what I know about how 2020/2021 played out was probably a blessing in disguise. 

I’ve now been living in Colombia for a few weeks now, and wow has it been so chaotic! The culture shock is very much a real thing and I can truly say moving here has been one of the most challenging decisions I’ve ever made considering the timing. I have my good days and bad days, especially when I’m less anxious and able to engage in conversations when doing things as simple as ordering food or an Uber. (which are both pretty essential when living here) We also have to remember we are in the middle of a pandemic so doing things like establishing cell phone service or getting a bus card is a huge headache because you need an appointment to do pretty much anything. In addition, safety here is on a decline due to the desperation of many Colombians and Venezuelans trying to figure out where their next meal is coming from amid the economic decline. Thankfully I am safe and living in a great neighborhood known as Chapinero Alto! Yet, there is still lots for me to learn when it comes to navigating life here in Bogotá. 

This is where I’ll end my blog today, thanks again for reading! Hopefully my next post will be more insightful of my day to day life.

Besitos, Leslie ❤️

[moldisgoodforyou]

the one where they go rollerskating

summary: jj and charlie go rollerskating. charlie breaks her wrist 

warnings: broken bones, cursing (like always), drinking 

wordcount: 1.4k

"watch yourself, walker.” jj warned, watching as his girlfriend knocked back her third shot of the pregame. she rolled her eyes, pouring him a tequila shot and setting it in front of him. “I’m fine, j, I’m still sober. it’s just fireball.” he shook his head with a laugh. “just fireball? you scare me.” she grinned, ducking out from under him as he ruffled her hair affectionately. “don’t we have to go soon?” he asked, checking his phone. charlie leaned over to look. “oh shit, yeah, let’s go. wait, take your shot.” 

“no chaser?” he asked, lifting it to his lips. she grinned and grabbed a lime wedge, putting it between her lips. he laughed, taking the shot, then kissed her soundly, ending up with the lime in between his teeth. “see, that would be a lot more fun as a body shot,” jj reasoned, smirking. she blushed red. “maybe later, if you’re lucky.” 

the pregame was small at charlie’s house, before the kappa sk80s date party. jj was decked out in a windbreaker and short shorts (that he had to keep adjusting, much to charlie’s amusement), while charlie had on a leotard and neon tights. the date party at the rollerblading rink never ended well for charlie given her clumsiness, and for some reason she decided alcohol beforehand might make it better. 

they made it on the bus to the event without getting caught - not easily, as charlie’s tell while drunk was leaning on jj like it was her job. once they entered the rink, he got them both skates and they laced them up. charlie stood first, overconfident, and her feet immediately went opposite ways and she fell forward. jj caught her by her upper arms, steadily pushing her back up. “I take it you’re not good at skating, pretty girl?” he teased and stood with her. “I’m not the best?” she hedged, taking baby steps. 

he carefully pulled her to the rink then turned to skate backward, offering his hands. “here, I’ll pull you.” she took his hands, allowing him to pull her in a slow lap around the rink. “this isn’t fair, how are you so athletic at everything?” she complained. 

he grinned. “takes practice, walker. just gotta be smooth.” 

“you’re giving yourself too much credit.” 

he raised his eyebrows and released her hands, then took off in a fast lap around the rink until he came up on her from behind, grabbing her around the waist. she squealed, grabbing onto his forearms. “careful, careful!” he laughed and set her down, giving her a little push. “you wanna take that back?” she rolled her eyes. “fine, I guess you’re a little good at skating. I bet I could beat you in a race though.” he scoffed. “yeah, okay.” 

“I could!” she argued. he nodded, skeptical. “alright, go ahead. I’ll give you a headstart.” she skated away at a steady pace, but still slow. he let her get halfway around the rink before skating around quickly, catching up to her. he gave her a push as he skated past. “beat you!” he kept going, then glanced over his shoulder to see her sitting on the ground. jj skated back. “come on, drama queen.” she shook her head. “no, j, it hurts.” he rolled his eyes and reached down to grab her hand, pulling her up. 

when she let out a yelp of pain, he immediately dropped her hand and crouched down. “oh shit, charlie, how’d you fall?” his eyes were wide as he took her wrist to inspect it (carefully, this time). she winced at his touch. “I put out my hand to stop my fall, it really fucking hurts.” he frowned, concerned, and gently prodded it again. she sucked in a breath, tears springing to her eyes. “j, please!” 

he grimaced. “okay, charlie, I’m gonna help you up. we gotta get you out of these skates.” she shook her head. “no, I can’t.” 

“yes, you have to.” he stood and pulled her up by the waist, wrapping a tight arm around her shoulders. they made their way off the rink, charlie cradling her wrist, and he sat her down. “do you think it’s just bruised?” he asked as he untied her skates, then his. “I mean, you’ve never broken anything before, so maybe you’re exaggerating the pain?” charlie let out a hiss through her teeth, trying her hardest not to cry. “maybank, I love you, but fuck off.”

he coughed to disguise a small laugh. “right, I’m sorry. do you think you need to go to the hospital?” she stared off at something in the distance, unfocused and not paying attention. he waved his hand in front of her face. “charlie?” he questioned, grabbing their shoes and slipping his on. she tried standing - too quickly - and promptly passed out. 

she came to a moment later in jj’s arms, dizzy. “charlie? charlie?” jj panicked, holding her tight. “I don’t feel good.” charlie complained, leaning into him. he let out a sigh of relief upon hearing her and swept her up into a bridal carry. “I can see that. I called an uber for us to go to the hospital, ok? I got you.” he was extra-careful as he carried her out to the parking lot. “do you think you fell ‘cause you’re drunk?” she gaped at him. “you pushed me! this is your fault!” he shook his head quickly. “no, no, I didn’t push you that hard!” 

“you totally did! and I’m not drunk, I’m barely even tipsy! set me down.” he shook his head, tightening his grip on her. “no, I don’t want you to pass out again. that was fucking scary.” charlie rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to pass out. put me down.” 

“no.” he insisted, gesturing as the uber pulled up. he carefully set her in the car then ran around to the other side and got in. he pulled her so she could lay her head across her lap. the driver glanced at them in the mirror. “hey man, she kinda needs her seatbelt on...” jj glared. “she just passed out and her wrist is the size of a softball, I think she’s fine.” charlie laughed quietly. “I can sit up, j.” he pressed on her shoulders, keeping her in place. “no, you’re fine, it’s close.” he ran a hand through his hair, his voice going up a little in pitch. “can you speed up, dude?” 

the driver glanced back again. “we’re at a red light?” jj let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “right, sorry. keep up the good work.” he carded his fingers through charlie’s hair, anxious. “jj, I’m fine.” charlie emphasized. “no, you’re probably broken, and it’s because of me.” she paused, not wanting to make him feel bad - but enjoying it, a little bit. “just don’t freak out, I need you to be chill.” he nodded quickly. “right. chill. I’m totally chill. one hundo chill.” 

they pulled up to the ER entrance and he ran around, not letting her lift a finger. jj carefully assisted her into the ER and filled out most of the paperwork for her as they waited. “wait, what’s your middle name?” she yawned, leaning into his side. “don’t make fun of me. it’s after my grandma.” he paused, gently poking her with the butt of the pen. “why would I make fun of you?” she rolled her eyes. “it’s gertrude.” he grinned. “no fucking way.” she sighed. “I told you, don’t make fun of me.” 

“nah, it’s cute.” a pause. “gertie.” 

“jj!” she exclaimed, flicking his shoulder. he laughed. “it’s cute! I’m calling you that from now on.” she groaned. “fuck off, I’m broken.” he grinned and kissed the top of her head. “you’re not broken, sweetheart, I think it’s just a big bruise.” she flipped him off with her good hand. “it is broken, and it’s your fault, and I am never letting this go.” 

sure enough, the doctor confirmed a broken wrist and had her in a cast by midnight that evening. jj called a pledge to pick them up, doting over her like it was his job. the next six weeks, he didn’t leave her side once, save for class (she made him drive her, even though her legs worked perfectly fine). even after she got the cast off, she still held it over him, especially when trying to convince him into something he didn’t want to do. “hey j, remember when you broke my...” he always cut her off with a scowl. “yeah, yeah, we’ll do what you want.”  

[devilatmydoor]

Anna!! Angel!! Congrats on 1K babe 💕 Can I request a lil something for “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?” with Luke? -blackbutterfliescal💛

Brooke!!! You are the angel omg!  I hope you like this, I got a little carried away, surprise surprise  😅

“After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?” 

___________

3 months, that was less than a semester at school but it felt so much longer. It may not be  the first time he had been on tour for weeks on end but to no surprise on your end -  it felt like the first time all over again.  You kept replaying the morning he left for tour in your head;  how long he held you in his arms,  the way he smelled and how soft his voice was not wanting to let go of you. Neither of you wanted to be separated from each other for 3 months but someone needed to watch Petunia and take care of the house, he trusted you the most so you opted to stay home. It seemed like a fairly easy decision at the time, until the first week without him dragged on for what felt like a month. You couldn’t sleep because he held you at night and talked to you until you fell asleep, you couldn’t eat due to the fact that you both cooked together or ordered take out, listening to music was daunting trying to find songs that didn’t remind you of him or how you felt about him.

He called when he had time, texted you every day when he finished a show and when they arrived in the next city. He sent pictures of his outfits before going on stage when he remembered and asked how your day was and how it went no matter how tired he was.

The last time you spoke to him on the phone was almost 4 days ago, the longest you’ve gone without talking to each other. He couldn’t hide how much he missed you if he tried, his voice soft and endearing. You waited until you knew their show was finished and dialed his number, after 3 rings it picked up and he answered, "Hey baby, I was just about to call you."

The sound of his sweet voice made your heart swell, "Oh yeah? I missed hearing your voice."

"I know, I'm sorry I've been in a weird mood lately" He admitted followed by a sigh. You were starting to put the pieces together why you hadn't spoken to you in a while, he hated calling you and bringing your spirits down. That didn't mean that you preferred not hearing from him, hearing from him even if he was feeling down was much better than not hearing from him at all.

"Luke, you could've called me."

"Baby I didn't think you wanted to hear from me." His voice defeated on the other line made your heart ache. You couldn't physically do anything to help him but send your unwavering support.

"Why wouldn't I want to hear from you?" You asked, hoping he'd realize that you wanted to hear from him no matter what.

"I don't know. Hows petunia?" His voice wasn't as animated as it usually was when he asked about her.

Something was up with him and you had a feeling he wasn't going to tell you, "She's good, sleeps on her giant bed in our room."

"Yeah? I'm surprised she doesn't sleep with you." He mentioned followed by yet another sigh.

You were shocked he didn't make a remark about how he missed sleeping next to you. The both of you always said you slept better next to each other than alone.

"She sleeps with me when I'm on the couch, how was the show tonight?"

You could hear him cough and say something to Ashton before answering, "It was good, the crowd new every lyric including our new songs.”

“That’s great, where are you headed tonight?”

It took a minute to respond, “Pittsburg, I think.”

Luke usually knew where he was headed next, at least he tried to. You couldn’t help but wonder what was going on that he was being so secretive, “Luke I’m worried about you.”

“I don’t need you to worry about me! I can take care of myself!” He said angrily before hanging up on you completely. He never hung up on you on purpose, he always said goodbye and I love you, no matter what.

Something was going on with him and you were determined to figure out what, you weren’t sure how you’d figure out what it was. You couldn’t sleep after your conversation with Luke, the way he abruptly ended the conversation scared you in ways you couldn’t explain.

__

A week had gone by since your last phone call with Luke, he didn’t even text you to let you know where they were. You asked the boys to let you know if he was okay and safe, it wasn’t him but it was enough for the time being. You longed to hear his voice but you knew bothering him wasn’t going to help, it was hard not blowing up his phone but you wanted him to come to you.

Your phone vibrated against the nightstand waking you up abruptly, you grabbed your phone before it fell on the floor. You answered it before fully waking up and realizing who was even calling you, “Hello?”

“Did I wake you darling?” The familiar voice on the other line alarmed you, she usually texted you causing you to wake up.

“Yes but it’s okay Mrs. Hemmings, are you guys okay?” You asked as you sat up on the matress.

“Call me Liz darlin’. It’s not us I’m calling about. It’s Luke.” She sighed and you got up from the bed in anticipation of what she’d say.

“What about Luke?” You asked nervously as your heart rate sped up by the second.

“He misses you, more than he ever has. Last night’s show didn’t go well and he needs you. He’s not listening to any of the boys.” You weren’t sure how to feel about what Liz told you but you knew what you had to do.

“Thank you for calling me, I didn’t think he missed me that much. I’m gonna fly out there as soon as I can.” You sniffled as you tried to hide your emotions.

“Of course, sorry I woke you. Get some rest okay?” She comforted it before you said your goodbyes. You got out of bed and grabbed your laptop and turned it on illuminating the room. You looked at the tour dates and found the next show, searching various websites before finding a ticket tonight at 8pm. You texted the rest of the boys to inform them of your visit and to not let Luke know so he wouldn’t try and stop you.

After waking up fully you packed your bags and prepared yourself for yourself for what was to come. To your surprise the airport wasn't as busy and your flight was okay as far as flights went, the air was stuffy and the snacks were sub par. When you landed you immediately let the boys know so they could tell you where to go, they sent you the address to the venue and you anxiously sat in the backseat of the uber. Your nerves took over as your hands shook and your heart raced, once the uber dropped you off you grabbed your bags and waited for Ashton to meet you.

“Thank god you’re here, he’s been in a mood all day.” Ashton divulged as he walked with you backstage.

“I hope I can help.”

“Michael and Calum are on the bus to give you both some space.” Ashton mentioned as he stopped in front of the door, he slowly opened it and said “Hey Lu, someone’s here to see you.”

“Maybe I don’t want to see them.” You heard Luke say sassily as Ashton stepped out of the doorway so you could enter the room. Luke was laying down on the couch, looking at his phone. You cleared your throat and his eyes met yours. He sat up straight and cleared his throat, “Baby?”

You closed the door behind you as you walked up to him, “Hi baby, your mom called me.”

He sighed deeply before standing up to meet you, “You didn’t have to come.” His voice defeated as he ran his fingers through his curls.

“Do you not want me here?” It took everything in you not to cry at his words, he looked exhausted

He shook his head and grabbed your hand, your fingers intertwined as he led you to the couch, “Of course I do, I just don’t want you seeing me like this.”

“Why wouldn’t I? Luke talk to me.”

You both sat down on the couch and he let go of your hand slowly, “I’ve just been thinking a lot; you deserve better than me. I’m never home long enough for us to spend the quality time together that we need. I’m not good enough for you, you deserve someone who is always there and giving you everything. I wouldn’t be mad if you wanted a break or didn’t love me.”

“After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think I love you?” You sighed before holding his face in your hands, “Baby, I’m so in love with you Luke. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I don’t want anyone else, I want to be with you.”

“I love you so much, I don’t want to be with anyone but you. You deserve the world.”

“You are my world, Luke. You are more than good enough.” You kissed his lips softly as he held your waist.

“I love you.” He whispered on your lips before kissing your lips again, he picked you up bringing you into his lap, “I’m so happy your here, I missed you.”

“I know, I’ll stay as long as you need me.” You wrapped your arms around his neck as he nuzzled his head in your shoulder hugging your waist tight.  

tagging my faves - @sanrioluke @twilightmomentswithyou @blackbutterfliescal @suchalonelysunflower @honeybunchcalum @himbocalum @lukeysdimples

[bxcketbarnes]

Subtle Changes

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Reader

Words: 2900+

Request:  Don’t know if you’re taking requests rn beaut but if so maybe something with ash where you’re on tour with him and you’ve just been feeling unwell from all the traveling and start gaining a little weight, thinking it’s from the new routine but you’re pregnant and neither of you knew but you’re a few months in ❤️🥰😘xx

Author’s Note: I. Fucking. Love. This. Fic. Like, you’ve got no idea. I sent so many snippets to my friends because I just wanted to share how goddamn cute it is. It’s probably one of my favorite Ashton fics I’ve written. I hope it’s how you were kinda looking for it to go! I love the idea, the request is amazing, so thank you, anon. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. xox ALSO I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE. THEY SAY I LOVE YOU A LOT, LMFAO. THEY’RE VERY LOVING I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF.

I laid in Ashton's bunk, my arm covering my eyes as I deeply breathed in and out of my nose. The boys were currently on stage and I stood on the side of the stage for a good portion of it before I started to feel sick. My stomach churns and I can feel the bike traveling up my throat when I quickly get up without bashing my head, sprinting into the tiny bathroom to empty the food in my stomach.

Tears came to my eyes, a reaction I have every time I'm sick, as I lean against the small sink. I sniff, dragging the back of my hand across my nose. "What the fuck," I mumble confused since I've never been this ill on tour.

I've joined Ashton and the boys on their North American Tour with The Chainsmokers. The day after we left was when the illness started and it's been almost three weeks and it hasn't really let up. I could hear the tour bus door open and I glance towards my right to see Ashton standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

"You feelin' okay? Matt told me he saw you rush out," he mumbled, hearing the worriedness in his voice.

I nod my head, giggling quietly. "I'm alright. I think the constant moving every night is getting to me," I reassure him and his frown deepens.

"Come on, you," Ashton mentions and reaches a hand out to me. I grab it and he pulls me off the floor. His hand moves to my waist, dragging his thumb across the fabric of my shirt. "I have to go back for Who Do You Love but as soon as I'm done I'll come back, alright?"

I nod my head, smiling softly at him as he leads me towards the couch. I furrow my eyebrows, wondering why he brought me here and not back to his bunk. I realized why when he reaches for the television remote, turning Netflix on.

"You're the best boyfriend, you know that?" I asked him as I laid down, looking up at the brunette.

Ashton chuckles, bringing up the horror movies before handing me the remote. "I gotta make sure my Queen is comfortable," he grins before dipping down to press a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"If you're feeling up to it. I can have someone drive us to the nearest Walgreens?" He questioned and I nodded.

"Of course. Now go rock the crowd, baby," I tell him and wave my hand off, not wanting him to miss his queue.

He puts his hands up in surrender and giggles. "I'm going, I'm going. I love you, sweetheart," Ash mumbles and my heart flutters.

"I love you too, baby."

-

Sounds of talking and footsteps woke me from my slumber, my eyes fluttering open. I look around groggily, groaning a bit as I push myself up from the couch. I slowly get off the couch, my stomach still feeling wonky and head towards the living area of the bus.

"Y/N? You alright?" Cal's voice piped up and I snap my head towards him as he cooked something in the microwave.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm alright," I mumble quietly to him, giving him a small smile. "Where's Ash?"

"He said he went to the store," Michael answered and I glance towards the blonde, frowning. "He also said you looked so peaceful sleeping that he didn't want to wake you up. Have you been sleeping alright?"

I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself. "I don't know what it is but I've been just… nauseous about everything. It's never happened on any tour I've joined you guys on," I comment and the boys’ frown.

Michael reached forwards as I sat across from him, resting the back of his hand on my forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed as he pulled his hand back after a few seconds. "You don't feel like you have a fever," he mentioned and I couldn't help but frown again, wishing I could figure out what's going on with me.

I leaned my chin against the palm of my hand, tracing the shapes that are on the table when the tour bus door opened. I turn my head, seeing Ashton step into the bus, his hazel eyes set on his phone screen. A smile comes to my lips as he carried two grocery bags in his hand, closing the door with his free hand before looking up from his phone.

"Hey, baby, you're awake!" He smiles softly and I nod my head, leaning back against the seat.

"I am. Sorry that I fell asleep," I tell him and he shakes his head, pressing a loving kiss to the crown of my head.

"That's okay. I know you haven't been sleeping well, feeling you toss and turn against me most of the nights so I decided to let you sleep," Ashton mentions and I rest my head against his hip. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," I mumbled quietly as Ash runs his fingers through my hair. He sets the bags onto the table, going through it before pulling out some Nyquil and soup.

"You hungry?" He asked and I shrugged my shoulders, glancing up at him. He frowns slightly, stroking his thumb across my forehead. "Have you eaten at all today?"

I pull away from him, leaning my head against the wall. "A little bit. I've been really nauseous so a lot of the food around hasn't agreed with my stomach."

"You think maybe you should see a doctor?" Luke asks from the couch and both me and Ashton glance over at the concerned bandmate.

"I think you should," Ashton agrees and looks back down at me.

A groan leaves my lips to which Michael chuckles. "Fine, fine. When we get to the next city I'll go see a doctor," I mumble before getting up from the seat. Ashton wraps an arm around my waist, stopping me from going back into the bunk area.

"Hey," he whispered and I glance towards him, seeing his concerned hazel eyes looking down at me, "I love you and I just want you to be happy and healthy."

"I know, babe. I just… hate doctors. You know that," I tell him, giving him a small smile and he nods his head. "Come cuddle?"

Ashton chuckles and nods his head as I reach for his hand, intertwining our fingers. I lead him into the bunk area, seeing Netflix still up as we move to the couch. Ash lays down first, adjusting himself so he lays on his side as I lay down beside him. His arm drapes over my waist, his hand moving under my shirt and starts to stroke my tummy.

I search through the horror movies as Ashton pressed his lips to the nape of my neck. A giggle leaves my lips as his hair tickles the side of my face. "Ash!" I laugh, tilting my head so my neck is unreachable. He giggles, his free hand combing through my hair.

"What?! I'm just trying to love you," he laughs and I shake my head, glancing back at him.

"Well, you're tickling me," I giggle and he smiles widely before pressing a kiss to my lips.

He pouted playfully and I roll my eyes, smacking his hip. I turn around in his embrace, looking into his eyes as Ashton's hand moves to my cheek. He strokes it gently before dipping forward, capturing my lips with his again. A long pleasant sigh leaves my nose and places one of my hands against his chest, kissing him back immediately. My eyes flutter closed as the hand on my cheeks glides down my sides and moves to the small of my back.

I pull away from him after about a minute, keeping my eyes closed while resting my head against his chest. "I love you, Ash," I whispered and wrap my arms around his torso.

"I love you too, Y/N," he mumbled against the top of my head as the tiredness takes over my body once again.

-

"You can't come with me?" I asked Ashton with a frown on my face, fiddling with my fingers as we stood in the living area of the bus.

A sigh leaves his lips and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't think I can. Let me go ask someone with higher authority, alright? I'll be right back," he mumbles and placed a kiss to my forehead before walking out of the bus.

I'm getting more nervous and can feel my stomach do flips, nausea hitting me a bit harder today. I stepped into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I do my business before washing my hands, hearing a ping come from my phone. I try off my hands, before grabbing my phone from my hoodie pocket.

It seems like you haven't set your start date for your period yet for the past two months.

I furrow my eyebrows, opening the app. I scroll to last month, seeing that the last update I made on my tracker was the month before the tour started.

I must've been so busy that I haven't been tracking it. Hm.

"Baby?" Ashton's voice calls out and I close the app before placing my phone back into my pocket. I walk out of the bathroom, seeing Ashton putting his leather jacket on and his eyes met mine. "Hey, there you are. So, I got the okay to come with you."

A sigh of relief leaves my lips and smile softly at him. I quickly grab Ashton's hoodie, throwing it over my body before the two of us head back out. Calum and Michael were riding around on their scooters, laughing their asses off. "My god," I laughed as he intertwined our fingers together.

"Yeah, sometimes were idiots if you didn't know," Ashton winks at me and another laugh leaves my lips.

"Trust me. I know. We've been together for what? 3 ½ years now?" I asked him with an eyebrow raised and he squeezed my hand, nodding his head with a large grin.

"3 ½ years and counting, baby," he beams and presses a quick kiss to my head.

Ashton and I get into the Uber that's parked right outside the parking lot. The two of us got into the backseat, our hands reconnecting as the guy began driving.

"Good morning, sir," Ashton greets and I glance out the window, feeling the drummer's thumb drag across the back of my hand.

"Morning! How's everything going? I see we're heading to the hospital," the Uber driver questions and glances at us through the rear-view mirror.

"My girlfriend hasn't been feeling well for a while, so we're finally seeing someone," he chuckles and I scoff, slapping his chest.

"I'm fine! It's just a stomach bug or something," I mumble quietly.

The drive to the hospital didn't take long and both of us thank the driver as we stepped out of the vehicle. We walked inside and I tell the receptionist that I had made an appointment for today on short notice. Ashton and I didn't wait very long until my name was called, our hands glued together the entire time. I couldn't help but think about what my period tracker app said earlier and I find myself biting my lip almost every minute since arriving.

"So, Y/N, right?" The nurse asked as she motioned for me to get on the scale.

I nod my head as Ashton stands beside me, his arms crossed over my chest. "That's me," I chuckled nervously.

She mumbles the weight to herself before I get off the scale. The lady leads us to one of the exam rooms and I sit down onto the exam table. "Why are we here today? You didn't express the reasoning on the phone," she asked and I glanced towards her, reading her nametag.

"I joined my boyfriend," I motion towards Ash who sits in the chair beside me and Sarah's eyes take a quick glance towards him to which he gives a small wave, "and his band on tour a couple of months ago and for the majority of it I've been ill. It wasn't too bad at first but it's definitely gotten worse."

She nods her head, typing my explanation into the computer as I fiddle with my fingers. "Alright. So, are you throwing up a lot?"

"Yeah."

"And when was the last time you had your period?"

Ashton takes a quick glance at me as I was quiet for a few seconds before I spoke up. "About two months ago, I think. With this lifestyle, everything's been so hectic so I guess I didn't really notice that I haven't had it. My period tracker actually sent me a notification this morning," I mumbled quietly.

"Okay. The first thing we're going to do is have you take a pregnancy test and then we'll take some blood to test," she explains and I nod. She walks out of the room, gathering the pregnancy test and I glance towards Ash who had his eyes on me already.

He stood up, standing in front of me and takes my hand into his. "You really think you could be pregnant?" Ashton whispers and I shrug my shoulders.

"That would explain everything that's happening," I mumble and he squeezed my hands, "I can't believe I didn't realize that I missed two periods. Also, I have gained a bit of weight, but I thought that was just from all the junk food we've had recently." I let out a laugh and take my bottom lip between my teeth.

Ashton leans forward, pressing a loving kiss to my forehead. "Whatever happens… I'll be here every step of the way," he mumbled against my skin and I nod.

"I love you," I whispered to him and Ashton smiles softly.

"I love you, baby."

The woman comes back into the room with a pregnancy test in her hands, standing by the open door as she motioned me to follow her. "I'll show you to the restroom, miss," Sarah smiles and I nod, getting off the exam table.

Mine and Ash's hands slowly pull apart as I walk away from him, my eyes glancing back towards him. "I'll be here when you get back.'

-

The five of us were sitting in the dressing room, Mike, Cal, and Luke playing the PlayStation as Ashton and I were cuddled on the loveseat. His hand was on my stomach, stroking gently and my heart flutters, finding it hard to believe that we actually made a tiny human. I rest my head in the crook of his neck, seeing the TV screen.

"So, Y/N," Calum pipes up and I glance towards the blue-haired boy, his honey-brown eyes glued to the game in front of him. "Did the doctor figure out what's been going on?"

I take a quick glance towards Ash, seeing a small smile on his lips and he nods his head. "Uh, yeah, yeah, she did."

Michael pauses the game, the three of them looking at the two of us. "Well, what is it?" Mike asked and sets his controller onto the couch.

I get up from Ashton, walking to the bag I had set on the table in the room. I grab the ultrasound from it, smiling down at it as tears come to my eyes again. Currently, our little baby is the size of a raspberry and Ashton and I don't want to know the gender until they're born. I clear my throat, heading back towards the boys as I sit down on Ash's lap, his arms wrapping around me while handing the upside-down picture to Luke.

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, flipping the picture over and his lips part. "N-No way…" the blonde trails off and looks towards his other two bandmates. Calum and Michael get up from their spot, standing in front of Luke as gasps leave the boys' lips.

"Are you serious? You're actually pregnant?" Michael asked and I nod my head.

"Yeah. Eight weeks pregnant to be exact. It explains literally everything, but we've been so busy with this tour that I haven't exactly noticed."

The three boys stand up and rush towards me, giving me a group hug. I let out a laugh, wrapping my arms around Luke and Calum. 

"I can't believe I'm gonna be an uncle!" Calum grins and I giggle.

The door to the dressing room opens, one of the crew members poking their heads in. "Hey, guys, you're gonna be going on stage in a few minutes."

The boys pull away from me and congratulate me quickly before getting ready. I lift myself off Ashton's lap and he stands up. I wrap my arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "Have fun. You're gonna fucking rock it," I tell him and he giggles before pressing a kiss to my nose, then my lips.

"Thanks, baby," Ashton laughs and moves one of his hands to my tummy. "I love you and our little one."

"We love you," I whispered and he leans his forehead against mine. "Cuddles later?"

"Oh, fuck," he groans and tilts his head back, "absolutely."

I chuckle and he pulls away, grabbing his drumsticks. I stand close to the door as he begins to leave when I slap his ass. A short leaves my lips as Ashton halts his movements, looking back at me with wide eyes. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"You're such a fucking dork. Now, c'mon," he laughs and grabs my hand, leading me towards the rest of the group.

-

Taglist: @daisyxbuckley @bumblebet-20 @ashtonsunshine @thebookamongmen @h0tsos @asht0ns-world @maddz-world @gotta-try-something-new @twilightparker @ashs-cheergirl @therainydays4 @thatcheekychic @dashlilymark @shower-me-with-roses @lukeskisses​ @latemikedevil​ @fayesfairylights​ @marshmallowtraver​ @trashbin2​ @whatmakesmehappyy​ @morningfears​

[propertyofnikkisthighs]

Sure Feels Right Ch. 10

Taglist: @hllywdwhre, @xxkellsvixen19xx, @desdestiny, @lain-ee, @crystalbaby12, @lovemythsworld, @hxllywood-whxre, @creatureofthen1ght-v3, @stellaxrosa, @purplecrayonflower, @leanimal90

Note: This may be the last chapter of this fic. I’m not sure where else to take it tbh and I have other stuff I wanna write for as well

Warnings: Smutttt

The bus was surrounded by screaming fans and Lux was almost fearful of them knocking it over with how roudy the crowd was becoming.

“I just want you to know that I could kill you both for the amount of anxiety you’re putting me under with this bus situation.” Lux glared at the two boys excitedly bouncing around the bus and getting the fans more riled up through the windows.

“This is fooking MENTAL” Dom screamed shaking her shoulders.

“Yeah Lux, loosen up!” Colson bounced up to her and ruffled her hair. As childish as it was Lux couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face from the small act. Colson was always more childlike and chaotic when Dom was around, but it made for a good time for everybody else involved.

The two boys didn’t wait long to hear her complain any further and they opened the door to the insane crowd. She had no idea how they managed it, but they climbed up the door and to the roof of the bus.

“The fact we are still able to rent these buses is truly a miracle” Rook laughed and pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

“Come on we have to get inside to watch the performance” He made his way skillfully through the crowd only getting stopped a few times by some of the people. She followed not too far behind him and they stood near the bar watching Colson and Dom get the fans to scream the lyrics to “I Think I’m OKAY” from on top of the bus. Just as she was about to wonder out loud how they were going to get down off the bus she sees Dom jump into the crowd and be carried to where he can walk to the bar and Colson soon followed suit front flipping off the bus and giving her a small heart attack.

The bar was cramped, but that didn’t stop all the boys from rocking out to the maximum that the little stage could offer and then some. Colson was climbing the bannister and flipping upside down even. Lux and Rook watched from the sidelines due to the stage being so packed with the drum set and the three rockers. She admired how they all gave one hundred percent on stage despite the limited space. Once everything was all said and done they were on their way to get back to Colson and Rook’s place and Lux could not be more excited about it. After a long and stressful few weeks of tour they were finally about to have some time to enjoy themselves and not be all stuck together on the bus.

“Oh thank god” Lux sighed out when they pulled into the driveway.

“You are so dramatic” Rook teased grabbing the bag of bedding out of her hand and heading into the house.

“It is late Rook and I want to sleep in a bed that isn’t a twin and traveling at 70 miles per hour down a highway”

“Well then complain less and get your ass inside”

“I need to still drive home though” She pouted and rubbed her eyes really not looking forward to the drive.

“No you don’t you can sleep in bed with me” Rook grabbed her hand dragging her in the house and they both made their way up the stairs to his room.

Lux had been in Rook’s room a hundred times, but had never spent the night in his room especially with him. She usually crashed in the guest bed if she got too fucked up to drive home. She followed him into his room and plopped down on the soft cool sheets on his bed breathing in the faintest hint of him on the pillow. 

“You want a shirt to sleep in tonight?” Rook asked pulling a shirt out of his closet and holding it up.

“Yes please.” She took the shirt from him and he shielded his eyes to block him from seeing her change. She giggled at the small gesture and quickly undressed to just her underwear and pulled the shirt over her head before slipping back under the covers on his bed.

“It is safe now” She watched as rook removed his shirt and slipped out of his pants then slid into the bed next to Lux.

She scooted closer to him so her back was against his chest and felt his strong arms wrap around her middle. Lux felt him lean over and press a kiss to her shoulder and she sighed contently. She tipped her head to the side to allow for more of her neck to be exposed and Rook pressed more soft kisses to the smooth skin there. She brought one of his hands up to her lips and pressed a kiss to each one of his knuckles.

“You know” Rook said between kisses “I would never think that you would be here and I’d be lucky enough to be kissing you.”

“You know I never thought I’d be lucky enough to kiss you” She chuckled rolling over to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him properly on the lips. Rook cradled her head as he slowly moved his lips against hers and pulled her body closer to his with his other hand. Lux trailed a hand down his head holding his cheek with her hand. Rook began to trace small circles along her exposed thigh causing a sigh to escape from her lips and a smirk to form on his. Taking the sigh as a sign of approval, he began tracing larger circles as he deepened the kisses they were sharing. His fingers skirted along the edge of her underwear and she felt heat pool between her legs. 

“We don’t have to do anything by the way” He looked at her with soft eyes as he kept inching his fingers closer to the sensitive area that was becoming more insistent on being touched the closer he got.

“I know, but I want to do this with you” She moaned softly.

He nodded his head and connected their lips again while his fingers danced along her folds that were increasingly becoming slick with her want. She moaned and stuffed her face in his neck as he applied pressure to her clit through her underwear. She bucked her hips against his hand and he pushed her underwear to the side grazing her clit with his fingers. She let out a muffled moan blocked by his neck and he audibly groaned sinking a finger inside of her pumping it in and out. Lux whimpered as he added another finger and used his thumb to circle her clit and she spread her legs further. Rook flipped himself over to be in the cradle of her legs and removed her underwear positioning his face between her legs. The first lick was slow, languid, and torturous and Lux flung her head back against the pillow. He looked up at her face twisted up in pleasure with her eyes open and mouth agape panting and he picked up the pace with his tongue.

“God dammit Rook” She gasped gripping his hair as he continued to lap her up while plunging two fingers in and out of her. 

Her back arched off the bed as the familiar feeling started to build in her lower abdomen. Her moans increased in volume and frequency as she reached the edge. Rook buried his face deeper into her core and moaned against her the vibration from that and the combination of his tongue sending her over. She called out his name and rocked her hips against his tongue riding out her high. Once her movements ceased Rook pulled his two fingers out placing them immediately into his mouth. Lux pulled him up and connected their lips again as their hands scrambled to get Rook’s boxers off along with the shirt she was still wearing. Rook positioned himself at her entrance and rubbed the tip of his dick against her wet folds.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Rook asked still teasing her.

“I’m very positive” She smiled and pulled him down to kiss him as he entered her slowly.

They groaned in unison as she took in his full length in a smooth motion. Rook began a slow, dragging pace as he rocked his hips against hers. Sliding his hand along her thigh he dragged it down to her knee and picked her leg up placing it on his shoulder and started a quicker pace.

“Fuck Rook oh my god” She called out as he snapped his hips against hers faster and harder hitting her in all the right places. 

“You feel so fucking good Lux” Rook groaned out slowing his movements down again.

Lux took the opportunity to flip them over so she was on top and lowered herself on to his dick. She threw her head back and placed her hands on his muscular chest to leverage herself as she moved up and down on him rocking her hips in time with his to hit her sensitve bud with each thrust.

“Rook I’m gonna cum” She cried out desperately.

“Me too” He groaned and sparks flew behind her eyelids once more as she came throbbing from the sensation. Rook lazily thrust up a few more times coming down from his own release and Lux rolled off of him curling into his side and pressed a few lazy kisses to his chest.

“That was amazing” He pulled her closer and she hummed in agreement falling asleep shortly after in his arms.

Lux hummed absentmindedly as she danced around the kitchen preparing coffee when she heard the front door open and shut. In walked the tall lanky blonde still wearing the clothes he went out in last night when they had gotten back.

“Oof did somebody do the walk of shame this morning?” Lux teased from behind her mug.

“It was more of an uber ride of shame” Colson smirked rounding the corner to come give her a kiss.

“Uh uh not until you brush your teeth and wash the other girl off of you” Lux held her coffee up to shield her face and Colson pretended to be hurt.

“You are so out of pocket right now. You are in Rook’s shirt with fresh hickies on your neck” She had forgotten they had gone for a round two this morning that had been rougher than last night’s antics.

“Hey first of all I’m not trying to kiss you with someone else’s fresh saliva on my tongue” Colson grimaced at her words and she continued “And secondly, by the time you’re done navigating that trashed room of yours to make it to the bathroom, which by the way is out of pocket, I will have showered, brushed my teeth, and changed”

“Fine, but afterwards I’m getting so many fucking kisses” He pointed his finger at her making her chuckle and shake her head. 

Their arrangement was weird, but it was them and it worked. She moved in with them the weekend before ESTfest which was something Casie was most excited about because now she had someone to do hair and make up with and make blueberry pancakes on weekend mornings. She didn���t quite understand the relationship between Lux, Rook, and her dad; but she loved them all so much it didn’t matter. Besides their family had always been kind of weird anyway.

[evanbuckbuckley118]

The Weight Of Uncertainty

I’m back! Here is a fic that wasn’t requested, but was born out of my need to write something that accompanies the past episode. Enjoy!

Summary: Athena needs a ride home from the hospital and everyone is unavailable...except Buck. [This fic includes some family feels, and a well needed conversation about what’s next for Athena, and how Athena and  Buck feels following her assault. This is a missing/additional scene for 3x17]

Word Count: 3658

Cross-posted to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24061786

It was safe to say the past few weeks had been...unexpected.

Athena never would have guessed that she would have found the serial rapist by following her hunch to check the storage units, nor would she have guessed that her decision to follow that lead would result in watching her own daughter's prom from the comfort of a hospital bed. That wasn't to say she would do anything differently, she was proud put an end to that psychopath's tirade. There just was a part of her that was exhausted from the entire ordeal.

Today was the day they were finally going to spring her. She'd been counting down the days, eager to recover in the comfort of her own home. Her body still seemed to scream out protests to her every movement, but this wasn't the first time Athena had been injured on the job, and she knew from experience that her ribs might never feel quite the same again. They would mend, but the bones will carry the same scars that her mind did - another permanent souvenir of a time she brushed with the reaper once again and won.

Athena wished silently that Bobby was still here with her. Early this morning, Harry had phoned saying he missed the bus to school. Being it was still early in the morning - Michael wasn't answering his phone, May had an exam this morning and couldn't skip or be late, and any of the family members from the 118 were still on shift for a few more minutes (working tirelessly to give their Captain time to spend with his recovering wife). Athena felt greedy watching Bobby leave to give Harry a ride after being spoiled by his devoted attention for the past few days. Yet, it also warmed her heart knowing how much he cared for their children.

While she thought the hospital wouldn't spring her until later that afternoon, about five minutes after Bobby left they'd already begun the process needed to get her out of here. She'd phoned Bobby, but the traffic echoed behind his worried voice saying he'd be longer than expected.

"There is just a few more pieces of paperwork Sergeant Grant, and then you'll be free to go," the nurse began explaining. "We expect to see you back in a few weeks for a check-up and to revisit your stitches and x-rays. You are on orders to rest, with as little physical exertion as possible."

"I understand," Athena said stoically. Even getting her shoes on a moment ago had felt like a gigantic task. While Athena was in the best shape of her life, her injuries from the assault and the days spent recovering here had completely wiped out any previous endurance she'd possessed. Being winded from tying a shoelace was not normal, much less worthy of praise or accomplishment. To make matters worse, her mostly dominant arm was also in a sling for the foreseeable future, complicating a number of previously easy tasks.

"We don't recommend driving in your condition yet, do you have someone to get you home safely?"

Opening her mouth to explain that she'd have to wait around a bit longer for her ride, or call for an Uber - Athena was cut off by the loud screech of a shoe abruptly skidding to a halt along the hospital floor.

"I came as fast as I could," Buck panted, out of breath with a large mischievous smile quirking up the left edge of his lips. "I'm her ride."

The nurses eyebrows were high as she took in the sight of Buck, who looked as disheveled as he usually did after a long shift. His hair curled and still damp, suggesting a quick shower with little care to drying off (almost like Harry when he was younger and insisted he could do it himself, only to have Athena run a second towel through his locks to ensure he wouldn't drip all over the house). The bags under his eyes betrayed his blinding smile.

Athena just sighed. "Buck, while I appreciate the thought, you are coming off a 24-hour shift. You know exhaustion can count as impaired driving just as much as alcohol, right?"

"Nonsense, it wasn't a busy shift," Buck argued despite the fact Athena would catch him in the obvious lie. There was no such thing as a slow shift for first responders in Los Angeles. He waved a hand dismissively "besides, Bobby called me and told me you don't have any other options."

Athena signed the remainder of the paperwork in her hands, and passed it back to the nurse who left quietly with a slight nod. "Just know if you break any traffic laws while I'm riding in that damn death trap Jeep of yours - I'll still tell my colleagues to write you a ticket."

Buck stepped into the room, and grabbed Athena's bag without being told. Slinging it over his shoulder and extending a hand out for Athena to grasp for support as she stands, he says "I guess you can take the officer out of the uniform, but not the uniform out of the officer."

Athena is ready to give Buck an eye roll so intense it might be audible, or at least chastise him for the profoundly cheesy remark - but her breath is stolen in a pained gasp as she stands and her bones right themselves into an upright position. She squeezes Buck's hand that she'd been using in a tight pulse, closing her eyes and swallowing tightly against the sudden onset of pain.

Just like recovery always happens, the pain ebbs into a dull and manageable ache. When she opens her eyes, Buck is right there in front of her, his grip on her hand providing a strength Athena draws from. "Hey, are you okay? Should I get the doctor?"

Nodding sharply, Athena finds her voice even if it is raspy. "I'm fine, just a bit sore. I want to go home Buck."

Buck offered twice on their slow journey to the vehicle to get Athena a wheelchair, but Athena refused. As long as she took these short steps one at a time, she could do this. If the sound of her ragged breath rattling fast out of her mouth due to exhaustion bothered Buck, he didn't say a word. The man's long legs had to ache to take longer strides at a faster pace, but he kept in line with Athena, muttering small encouragements for only her ears the entire way. "Almost there...you can do it...that's it...good..."

Once they'd reached the Jeep, Athena saw a glaring problem. The step to get into the tall vehicle was going to require an immense effort that Athena didn't have left.

Before she could voice her distress, Buck leaned Athena against the Jeep muttered something about needing "...one moment." He reached into the trunk and pulled out a small step stool, no doubt borrowed from the station. Placing it in front of the running board, he pointed at the set up he created and let out a small proud giggle. "See? I'm sorry there is no liftgate, but now we just have three small steps instead of one giant one!"

Athena's insistent pride wanted to be mad this solution because it felt so childlike. But the only other foreseeable option was having Buck lift her in, and that would only damage her ego further. Buck must have known that; and instead, the thoughtful man in front of her (that she often thought of like a son) had gone out of his way to think of the best possible solution to this minuscule problem. The fact that Buck had thought ahead about how to make this process as painless as possible for her, even with the short preparation time he must have been given from Bobby's sudden request, warmed her heart.

"Thank you, Buck," she said earnestly.              

Buck had stopped on the way back to the Grant household to pick up some regular strength Tylenol from the drugstore. While he'd been in the check-out line, he'd realized that while the hospital no doubt would have wanted to give Athena a prescription for stronger pain medication, she'd probably refused. Whether she thought she could handle it on her own, or didn't want to bring any temptation around for her stressed husband, Buck didn't know. What he did know from his own experience is that after getting some sleep, she was going to be in a world of pain. So despite Athena's protests that he didn't have to make this stop, this was the least he could do.

He'd taken care to drive like a true gentleman. Buck avoided all the potholes, didn't speed, took the corners at a below reasonable speed to avoid any extra jostling. Once they'd arrived to the empty and quiet house, Buck had maneuvered Athena to bedroom, and aided her in getting settled and comfortable with an extra blanket from the cupboard. His hands itched to provide more help.

Buck patted her foot twice and began to leave, "I'll go make you some tea."

"You really don't have to do that Buck, please don't fuss over me," she protested.

"I don't have to," Buck acknowledged. With a passionate voice and a less passionate shrug, he continued. "I want to. You and Bobby took such good care of me after my leg was crushed, let me return the favor."

A silence fell over the room. Athena was stunned by his generosity, but also by the fact she could hear hurt and worry in his voice. Was he alright?

Before she could ask about his well being, Buck was already gone. He'd left the room, and she heard the tea kettle settle on the stove top. The space between them gave Athena a moment to think. It wasn't often Athena caught Buck at a vulnerable moment, as she did spend less time around him than her husband did. While the pair of them thought of Buck as a son, that also meant the worries that came with having children in your life extended to him. Athena would be lying if she said she didn't care for the boy in a parental way, especially after all the man had gone through in the past year. She worried about his mental state, especially because it seemed that Buck always put on such an enthusiastic front. From experience, she knew it made things difficult to tell when Buck was truly happy from when he was only feigning the emotion to mask darker feelings. It was little clues in his voice and facial features that betrayed him if Athena looked quick enough.

Athena heard Buck shuffle around to get the mugs as the kettle began to hiss. She tracked the sound of his footsteps around her kitchen, noticing they paused for a moment. There was a ruffle of paper, and another period of silence. The footsteps then resumed, and there was Buck in the doorway of her bedroom. He made no move to enter the space. There was a mug of steaming tea in one hand, a tri-folded letter in the other.

"They're giving you a commendation?" Buck asked, looking at the letter and then back at Athena. "I swear I didn't mean to overstep and read your mail, it was sitting on the table and I just got worried-"

"Yes Buck," Athena said to pause his rambling. "Not sure what good it does, but they are giving it to me anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't do this job for the acknowledgements Buck. No commendation can fix those victim's lives and what happened to them. No commendation guarantees that justice will be served to the man who did this..." Athena paused, and wanting to shift the focus off herself and onto Buck in an attempt to get him to open up. "No commendation heals the fear I still see in my family's eyes as they worry unnecessarily about me and are haunted with new traumatic memories."

"Yeah, I know Bobby and the kids have taken this really hard," Buck moves into the room, handing off the tea to Athena and resting the letter on her dresser.

After a long sip of the soothing liquid, Athena places it to the side. She grabs at Buck's hand weakly and tugs on it as a silent plea for him to sit. "And you."

"What? Me?" He shakes his head fervently. "No-"

"Yes, you. You are my family too, Buck."

"I'm fine, Athena," He says, but the voice is small. Buck is doing a poor job convincing Athena, and from the way his eyes well up and he bows his head to the floor, he isn't convincing himself either.

"Is that why your hands are shaking? Why your looking at me like I'm going to break? Why your fussing around the house looking for ways to be helpful?"

Athena knew from her training that in any traumatic incident, there was never just one victim. The secondary traumatization of crime can be felt by bystanders, witnesses, family, even strangers who hear about it later. Worse, often these people don't feel supported or feel that they have a right to feel the emotions that come with such trauma because they weren't directly effected or impacted. For all that Buck has done for her today, Athena is determined to sit here and give Buck a safe space to discuss his feelings.

"I don't think you fully understand how badly you scared us...and me," Buck began. Athena appreciated his honesty already. "When we got the call from dispatch...I don't like feeling powerless, and it was all I could feel. We were listening to you fighting back, but we had no eyes on you. Without a visual, we didn't know if you were grunting from the exertion of winning, or the pain of losing. There was nothing I could do but sit as we drove towards you in hopes we wouldn't be too late. There was nothing I could do as I watched Bobby spiral into thinking how he might lose his wife for a second time. There was nothing I could do as I watched the team prepare themselves for the worst. I was preparing myself to have to tell Harry and May and Michael about how hard you fought to get back to them, even if it wasn't enough, because I knew Bobby would be too devastated to do it if anything serious happened to you. The gunshot rang out over our radio, and there was nothing I could do to make it better Athena-"

Buck explanation ran short, as he felt overcome with emotion. He was gripping Athena's hand now in a role reversal from only a few hours earlier. Athena squeezed back, grounding him from a panic attack or flashback. Silently, she hoped it gave him strength as much as it reinforced him he wasn't alone.

"I know you felt powerless Buck, and I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. I know you felt like you couldn't and didn't do anything, but I want you to know that the thought of my family is what kept me fighting," Athena explained. "The memories of my love for all of you, and all the things we haven't yet done together, that's what kept me going. You did do something Buck, the love you've shown my family and me was part of the reason I kept going. You did that."

Buck sniffed back the last of his tears, putting on that strong front that Athena knows is there to protect in times like this when he feels most exposed. "I just wish I could have done more for you, Athena."

Sensing that Buck wants to shift away from this conversation, and because exhaustion is pulling at her to wrap it up as well, Athena smiles widely. "Well, you've already made a pretty good start, but I do have one thing you can do for me Buck."

That seemed to do the trick, he was already perking up as his head snapped up and his eyes went wide. He smiled softly, and Athena thought to how once over drinks Hen described Buck like a golden retriever. She had to admit, the resemblance was uncanny. Buck was always willing to give so much of himself to others. Later, Athena might finish their previous discussion with him in more depth. She does want to talk to him about therapy and caring for himself better, but right now she pushes those worries aside. "Anything you need, I can do it," he says, ready for action.

"You can stay right here Buck, and take a nap with me until Bobby gets home," Athena explained. She carefully shuffled a little more over to the side, exposing the open side of the bed as Buck sputtered over his protest.

"N-no, Athena. I can't do that, you need to rest without distraction or someone else moving the bed around, and I really should be getting back to my apartment-"

"You have just come off a long shift taking care of people, only to have to take care of a poor injured woman, and now you expect me to let you drive back to that shell of a place when you are practically dead on your feet? I'll worry less and get a better sleep if you stay here."

"I'll take the couch then Athena-"

"-Buck, don't argue with me. That couch does no favors for anyone's back, and the firehouse can't be down another member. Just lie down here, for at least one hour. Bobby will be back by then, and then you can leave."

Buck was still as he sat on the bed, contemplating his options. He must have realized there was no arguing with her by now, because for all he tried to put up a fight, he began to move towards getting settled. It took some time, but he was growing to learn that Athena is always right. "Just for a little while," he submits conditionally.

The man rounds to the other side of the bed and attempts to lay down without moving the bed as much as possible. The whole ordeal leaves him looking stiff as a board, facing away, which just won't do. Athena huffs, and immediately tugs on his shoulder until he rolls onto his other side, at which point Athena guides his head to her shoulder. Looping her free arm around his body as if he were a child, Buck finally relaxes.

She really was tired, more so than she'd admit to anyone. Within seconds, she felt herself nodding off towards a deep slumber.

Which of course means that Buck has to choose this moment to speak up again.

"Are you going back after this Athena?"

It was a statement more than a question; yet, the puzzling part was that as much as Athena tried to read into Buck's emotive voice, she couldn't place what emotion came with it. She opened one eye to peer down at Buck, but his normally expressive face was blank as he peered up at her curiously. "Bobby mentioned you were feeling conflicted about returning to the job after your medical leave," he offered as an afterthought to Athena's silence.

Bobby had told Buck the truth. Athena didn't know if it was just a knee jerk fear reaction after a traumatic event, or if she really was feeling ready to retire from policing. She was conflicted, confused, unsure how to move forward after this particular event. Her thirty years on the force and everything that came with it made the decision that much harder. It seemed like all she had time to do lately was think, but she was no closer to making this decision about her future.

"I honestly don't know."

Sleep was pulling fast at the both of them despite the conversation, but Buck continued on. His voice was only laced with exhaustion as it faded in volume. "After my accident, all I wanted was to get back. But that's because being a firefighter was my entire identity. I know policing is a big part of yours, but you also have other factors I don't. And you have a family, and Bobby, and the 118. I'm not trying to pull you towards a certain decision," he assured, and Athena believed him. "I'm completely impartial on this decision. It is yours and yours alone to make. I'm just letting you know that you will still be you, no matter your occupation Athena. To leave or to stay, or to take a small leave and then stay, the choice is yours. No matter what you choose Athena, you'll be supported either way by everyone. We just want you to be happy."

Athena was back to a stunned silence. Even though Buck's words in no way helped her clear the fog surrounding her decision, it did ease a part of her. She was always worried about what others think, from her mother to her family. The opinions of those around her always pulled her one way or another. It was a comfort to have it said aloud that this was a decision she gets to make for herself. Even though she knew her family would support her regardless, it was reassuring and nice to hear it once in a while; especially from her surrogate son.

"Thank you, Buck."

The reply fell on deaf ears, Buck's breathing already evened out in a pattern that signaled the beginning stages of sleep. Athena was all to happy to follow suit, feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time.

And if when Bobby came home to the sight of his wife and son getting some well needed and deserved rest together and decided to let them sleep the day away until dinner was ready, no one else needed to know.

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 98) "Ring Around The Ruby"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3 @crystalbaby12 @mgkobsessed @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @5sosfam1dlover @lovemythsworld ...still trying Bra 🖤

Are we sure we have everything??" Luna asks as she plays with her padlock, she finds herself doing that whenever she's nervous.

After breakfast with Casie. A morning ShowerFuck, lines and a burn session with Colson in the bathroom. Luna's dressed in a simple, white, silk dress. Black chucks and light makeup. Shockingly, she throws on no jewelery except her ring, which never comes off. Her long hair flowing around her. Looking around their hotel suite, Luna has a hard enough time keeping track of herself, let alone two other people's stuff.

"You double checked that you've got your necklace, Diablo shirt and sunglasses?" She asks Casie.

"Yup." She nods proudly at Luna.

"What Diablo shirt?" Colson whips around.

"Your purple one....." Luna answers.

"Why didn't you give her yours? It's smaller." He challenges her.

"Because I've already altered mine... To fit me." She answers with her eyebrows raised.

Fully aware of what she's hinting at, Colson's dick twitches. The memory of their first performance and Luna's homemade Diablo shirt floating around in his brain.

Colson sighs out a Fine with a smile at Casie. She can have anything she wants. Of his or The World's. Not even caring as long as His Peanut is happy. Unknown to him, Luna had already grabbed a replacement. The Three of Them taking care of each other in ways they don't even realize. --------------------------------------------------

Outside The Jacquard, Colson's Eleven are the same Assholes they always are. Each loudly squeezing Casie tight with huge kisses on the cheek. Slim spinning her in circles until they're both dizzy and laughing.

"Uncle Slim!!!" She giggles as she sees triples.

Finding her balance, Casie spots Sam. Through the week they had become great friends.

"It was really rad to meet you." Sam says as she squats down to do her secret handshake with Casie.

"Will you be at EstFEST for our wedding? She asks.

"I'll be at both. I wouldn't miss them for a thousand crabby patties." Her response making Casie laugh as she jumps into Sam, knocking her down.

Caught off guard, Sam laughs loudly with her as she falls back onto the pavement. Shockingly pleased by The Cool Ass Kid's grip.

Baze and Luna both watching them. Luna's soul flittering at this new side of Sammy. Baze almost sure he's in love with the Wild Drummer.

Hugging her bestfriend, Luna teases her lightly in her ear. "Fuck you." Sam laughs.

Gripping each other tight, they agree to see each other in Seattle. Behave... Luna smirks to another one of Sam's Fuck Yous.

As Luna and Ashleigh hug GoodBye, she Thanks Luna again. To her solid squeeze and Stop. Both knowing their friendship is genuine. Flowing beyond their relationships with Colson.

"Alright... Alright... She's only gonna be gonna for two days!" Colson laughs at the two of them.

"Two days too long!!" Ashleigh complains, loving another woman on The Bus with her.

Ashleigh and Sam get along very well but Luna helps Ashleigh run shit. With Luna by Colson's side, this has been Ashleigh's least stressful tour. In almost 10yrs.

With the uber arriving to carry The Three of Them to the airport, The Boys hug and kiss Luna and Casie a dozen more times. Laughing at Colson and giving him daps when he complains about Where's His Love.

"We'll see you tonight, Bitch." Rook laughs at him as he squeezes Luna. "Good luck, Bro.... Not that your badass needs it." He grins after pecking her cheek as they squeeze GoodBye.

Rook is Luna's favorite Drummer Boy. Luna is Rook's favorite Bitch. She rocks with all The Boys but those two are true Roll Dawgs. Both appreciating each other since their first conversation the night of Colson's Birthday Dinner at Tao.

"WE LOOOVE YOUSSSS!!!" Luna hollers out the car window as she heads off with Casie and Colson.

Preparing for the 13hr ride in front of them to Boise, The Remaining Eight fuck around a bit longer. Climbing on, The Bus feels a little off without Their Core. This does not stop the smoke, music and drinks from flowing though. It just makes it feel.... Different.

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Sat in first class between Luna and Colson, Casie is talking a mile a minute. Both Luna and Colson requesting a Bloody Mary immediately. Grinning at each other over her talking head.

It's a 3hr flight. Having them hit Cleveland before 4P. Pulling out her carry on, Luna shares her art supplies with Casie.

Colson sips his drink as His Girls draw. Casie excitedly talking about Their Weddings.

"You know what we've still gotta do?" Luna asks the rambling child.

"What?" She asks as she lifts her face from her artwork

"Get you fitted you for your dresses." Luna shines into her sketch book.

"Dresses!!! Like TWO!!" Casie yells with wide excited eyes.

"Yeah, Dill. Two weddings. Two dresses, SugarPop." Luna laughs at her, looking up from the drawing she's working on.

"Jesus fucking Christ, I fucking love her." Colson thinks as uncharacteristic tears well in his eyes.

"AHHHH!!!" Casie shouts in excitement to both of their grins.

Colson reaches over, turning Luna's chin to sink a grateful kiss onto her lips as Casie's mid squeeze. The girl not minding being crushed in between the love of the two of them.

Just as they're about to land, Luna hands Colson her sketch. It's a crude drawing of the two of them embracing.

"Fuck. I love it." His heart beats faster as he studies it. "Tuck it in your book until we get home?" He asks to her smiling nod.

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"Oooh!!!! My BAAAABY!!!" Emma exclaims as Casie runs into her open arms.

"I missed you so much, Mommy!!" Casie says as she falls into her tight grasp.

Colson and Luna watching the two. Their love for each other overflowing all over their front yard as they roll around in hugs and laughter.

"She's such a good mom." Luna whispers to Colson in admiration of Emma.

"She really is." Colson says proudly as he throws his arm around Luna.

Smooching her cheek, he grabs Casie's bags. Carrying them inside. There are many things that can be said about Colson Baker. Attentive to His, should truly be the first description.

Inside Casie erupts into the details of her week long adventure. Performing OnStage, swimming, jumping and diving last night, sitting with Patti during the taping of Ellen, The Planetarium and The Butterfly Exhibit. Forgetting about the Splash Park as she happily yells about how the butterflies flew all around them, kissing her and Luna's skin. All the while, simultaneously showing Emma her new treasures.

"We went EVERYWHERE, MOMMY!!!" We even bought a house in NY. MOM!! I LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY NOW!!!" She shouts while bouncing around the kitchen.

Those words cause Emma to shoot a quick Look between Colson and Luna. Wondering WHAT THE FUCK HER CHILD IS TALKING ABOUT.

"We're about to make settlement on a brownstone so we have a place in The City. Kinda like here and LA." Luna speaks up to reassure her.

Emma giving Luna an accepting and understanding nod. She turns back to the chattering little girl.

"So, you had fun?" She asks her daughter.

"SO MUCH FUN, MOM!!" Casie screams to Emma's laughter.

Colson and Emma touch base as Luna helps Casie with her luggage. Alone in the kitchen, Emma speaks freely.

"Don't fuck this up, Kells. She's good for you and Case already loves her. I know you're getting married next month, but, PLEASE. Don't fuck this up. For you or her." Emma pleads with the man she's known almost longer than half of her life.

"I don't want to, Em...." Colson replies with concerned eyes. "But, I'm so fucking afraid I will."

Emma reaches to hug him. "Keep that fear and you won't." She tells him honestly as they embrace tightly.

There's something to be said about co-parents who are friends that genuinely care for each other. It's a beautiful thing. Truly.

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Outside, before Luna and Colson catch their uber to his house, The Family embraces each other GoodBye individually. There's a comforting warmth that flows through them.

As Colson and Casie say their GoodByes, Luna and Emma hug each other tightly. Probably tighter than they've ever held each other before. Emma whispering a Thank You for Taking Care of My Baby Girl. Luna squeezing her a smidge tighter to Thank Emma for Trusting Her With Casie. Breaking apart, the women look each other in the eyes. Both happy to have each other in their lives.

"I loooooove YOOOOU!!!" Luna swings a laughing Casie around. "See you soon?"

"Yup." Casie grins.

"Find a new home for your necklace for bed and shower time?" Luna asks with a tinge of authority.

"YES." Casie asserts, grin wider.

"Good shit. Love you, Dill." Luna holds Her Girl close and tight.

Emma appreciating the way they interact with each other as she watches them. Knowing Casie is safe with Luna.

"Ready, Kitten?" Colson asks as he kisses the top of Luna's head.

Before leaving, he grabs Casie again loving on her like there's no tomorrow. Giggling as his kisses tickle her skin.

After setting Casie down and saying their final GoodByes, he grabs Luna's hand. Leading her to the waiting uber. While in Cleveland, Colson has a specific mission.

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On The Bus, somewhere between Colorado and Idaho, Sam has convinced Ashleigh to get fucked up with her and The Boys.

Cards are being thrown with jokes as music flows. Smoke billowing throughout The Bus.

Leaning into Baze, Sam seductively asks "How pissed you think they'd be if we stole their bed tonight?" Wicked grin spreading across her pretty face.

"Wanna find out?" He grins back to her tantalizing giggle.

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Inside The Cleveland House, Colson heads straight upstairs. Luna outside to smoke a cigarette. She doesn't like smoking around Casie so it's been HOURS.

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Opening the door to his safe, Colson pulls out a tiny box. Opening it, the huge ruby gleams at him. Solidifying that he knows he made the right decision.

Having been almost a month since he last gazed at it, he can't help but be proud of himself. And Rook. "It's perfect. Beautiful and unique. Just like her.... She's gonna love it." He thinks excitedly.

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Luna's chain smoking on the picnic table out back. Letting the warm summer sun kiss her colorful skin.

"Come're...." Colson tries to coax her.

"Whhhhyyyy.....?" Luna whines as she scrunches her face, wanting to light another cigarette.

"Just shut the fuck up and come here." Colson tells her.

"Fine." Luna pouts as she takes his hand.

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Walking into the kitchen, Colson hits play on a remote. Taking Luna in his arms as Clapton begins to float around them.

He sings to her the same way he did the night they first met. Holding her close and changing whichever lyrics he chooses. Luna's so dumb she doesn't know what's happening. She just thinks Colson's sweet as she rests inside of him.

As the ending guitar chords float away, Colson drops to his knee. Having the song on repeat, he takes Luna's hand as it continues to drift around them.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She asks, slightly bewildered.

"Doing this shit right." He asserts.

Looking up at her, Colson sees his entire future in Luna's eyes. Taking a deep breath, he has nothing prepared as usual. Their whole relationship is based off of instinct.

"I know you love the ring I made for you but I bought you a real one way before it. If you don't like it, we'll fix it or...." He says as he holds her left hand, slipping the metal string off her finger and setting it on the kitchen island. "You can keep the one you have.... Just as long as you promise to still marry me." He says as he pops the lid.

It's a gorgeous 10 carat oval ruby. Surrounded by small diamonds. Taking Luna's breath away on sight.

"I know you don't do diamonds, so, it's your birthstone with mine wrapped around it to protect you.... Not that you need protec...."

Colson can't even finish his sentence before Luna's on her knees in front of him. Tears falling down her cheeks as her kisses shut him up.

Her bare hands run up the sides of his face as she sinks her deep kisses into his mouth. Pushing him off his knees to straddle him. Their kisses are passionate and heavy as Colson tangles his fingers in her hair. Pulling out of her kiss, he gently holds her face in his large hands.

"Is that a Yes?" He asks.

"That's a FUCK YES." She laughs as she pushes her mouth back onto his.

Unable to contain themselves, Luna unbuckles Colson's belt. Lifting up, he helps her pull them down. Only bothering to pull her panties to the side, Luna guides him inside of her. Both groaning in pleasure.

Kissing each other sloppily as Luna slides up and down on Colson's cock he needs her body. Pulling her dress over her head, he's beyond pleased to find her braless as he suckles her pierced breasts. Naked, she bucks against him. Wanting her more than ever before, he carefully flips her on her back.

Throwing her legs over his shoulders, Colson pushes deep inside of Luna. Making her moan in pleasure as he fucks her on the kitchen floor. Mouth kissing hers as if they'll both die without the other. Moving to her cheeks, he kisses anywhere he can reach. Both whispering Sweet Nothing's instead of their normal Dirty Words.

Feeling her thighs grip his waist and walls clench his cock, he nuzzles into her neck and ear. Claiming I FUCKING LOVE YOU as they cum for each other.

Satisfied, Colson rests on top of her. He's by no means fat but Luna's tiny and with her gunshot wound he feels like he has to be extra careful with her. Kissing her forehead, he rolls out of her. Reaching blindly on the ground around them, he finds the box.

Sliding his arm under her head, he presents the symbol of their commitment. Asking Yes? With love pouring out of her eyeballs and heart, she gives him a teasing smile.

"I mean I guess I could say Yes for the 110th time." She laughs as she rolls towards him, locking her lips onto his.

Their kisses say EVERYTHING. Things that even couples who've been married for 50yrs still can't say.

Holding her hand out, Colson slips his ring upon her finger. Holding her hand out in front of them, they clutch each other while they both try to hold back tears.

"It's fucking beautiful." She happily sighs.

"I told you not to doubt me." He lightly chuckles as he pulls her tighter.

Teasing her about how he knows what she likes. Laughing out a Fuck You, she climbs back on top of him.

Taking her time as she slowly rides him. Enjoying every inch of his dick along with every touch from his hands and mouth.

Luna and Colson don't make love. They fuck like animals but on the kitchen floor with his ring on her finger their touches are softer. Kinder. Gentle as they enjoy every inch of each other in the afternoon sunlight.

It's a long, hard cum. Both feeling like they may seize out from the pleasure. Completely entwined in each other, they take a light, naked, engaged, snooze on the kitchen floor.  The excitement of a life together dancing in both of their heads.

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Colson stirs first. The hard floor waking him up against Luna's warm body. Brushing her hair from her face, he looks down. The huge ruby glistening on her finger catches his eye as her hand rests on his chest.

"Fuck.... How'd I get so fucking lucky?" He questions himself. "Em's right.... I can't fuck this up." His heart begins to panic.

Feeling his chest pounding under her hand, it's as if her sixth sense kicks in. Opening her eyes, she asks if He's Okay.

"As long as I'm with you." He answers, kissing her sweetly on her forehead.

"Mmmm..." She nuzzles into him contently. "What time is it?" She asks.

"I don't know, but we should move. We gotta be outta here by 9P...." He answers.

Luna pouts as she nuzzles into his chest. Asking if They Can Quit Their Jobs And Be Pirates. Please. Colson lightly laughs at her fantastic request. Asserting that Being Pirates Would Be Awesome Buuut He Doesn't Think It's That Easy. Leaving Luna to sigh in disappointment.

"Come on...." He begins to shift off the floor.

"Noooo.... I don't wanna...." She whines as he moves to pull her up to stand with him.

"I know... Me neither. 10 days though." He reminds her with a twinkle in his eyes.

This makes her move. Slapping his ass, she shouts Race You as she bounds up the stairs to the shower.

"Grab my real ring, please?" She hollers down the stairs.

Unable to stop the smile that is hurting his face he hits his IG before following her upstairs.

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"110xs I've asked her and she keeps saying Yes. I'm lucky AF and she's crazy insane. Imma 🔐 that sweet ass down quick. Bet. Saturday at #EstFest One of the most IMPORTANT days of my life. BE THERE. CUZ SHITS GONNA BE 🔥🔥🔥 #badthings WILL happen bc I LOVE A FUCKING LUNATIC 😈❤🐈 💯"

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Luna's upstairs waiting for him. Naked. Joint in mouth. Lines cut out. Drink in hand. Hot shower running for them.

Tossing her arms around him, he lifts her up. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she holds the joint as he hits it and carries her into the bathroom.

The way they easily move with each other makes their synchronicity enviable. Puffing on the joint, Luna drops it in an ashtray on the sink before he takes both of them into the shower.

Slowly and softly fucking each other. For a moment, before their hunger and animal instincts take over.

"Bend me over..." Luna huskily begs in Colson's ear.

Happily indulging her, he pulls her hair and fucks her the way they both like. Gripping her hips as he pushes himself deep inside of her. Leaving Luna to shake in pleasure as she feels his cum fill her insides.

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Out of the shower they blow the lines waiting for them. Lighting a joint as they get dressed. Kissing and playfully teasing each other as they burn along the way.

"Where's my other ring?" Luna asks.

"Right there..." Colson points to the dresser.

Luna grabs it, slipping it onto her right hand. Wiggling her fingers she admires both.

"You're gonna wear that one too?" He asks.

"Uhmmmm. Fuck yeeeaahhh." Luna looks at him weirdly. "It's my original."

Thinking she would toss it, Colson adores her logic. Along with her Love of Them

Throwing on black skinnies and a cutoff hoodie, Luna laughs as Colson pulls his black Chucks on too.

"Come're Kitty....." He swings her around on the bed to tie her shoe.

"I fucking LOVE yooou." She states as she watches him with adoration.

"Love-LOVE YOU." He grins, kissing her newly blinging finger as he pulls her up.

Colson orders an uber as Luna collects their things. Pulling off the black hoodie he had put on, Colson looks for the particular one he wants. They're both headed out. On separate flights. Him to Boise to meet up The Boys for another show. Her to Mexico City for a performance with Ashley.

Getting the alert that their ride is there, Luna grabs Colson. Gripping him tightly around his waist as she burrows into his naked chest. Inhaling his sweet smell. It's a mix of weed, his cologne Jean Paul and Luna.

"I love you." She states as she looks up into his brilliant blue eyes.

"Forever?" He asks.

"Beyond." She answers as she pulls him down for a kiss before letting him go.

Finding the grey hoodie he wants, Colson grabs Luna's ass cheek. Also kissing her face cheek as he asks If She's Ready.

With her nod, he shouts "We Out!!!"

Her laughter tickles his soul as they head back on The Road. Holding hands along the way

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Luna flies out at 10P. Colson 11P. Walking her to her gate, they hold each other for as long as they can.

Calling for boarding, Colson grabs Luna. Lifting her high for her to wrap her entire being around him. The way they both like.

"Two days." They reassure each other with laughter at their jinx.

Pulling back, Luna tells him She Loves Him before kissing him solidly.

"I love you. Go kill Mexico City and come back to me." He tells her, causing a rise of small tears in her eyes. "Heeey... Two days, Bunny Love." He tries to reassure her again.

"I know...." She lightly whimpers. "I just hate to leave you...." She sighs as a solid tear drops.

It breaks Colson's heart as he wipes it off her cheek with his thumb. He hates when they're apart.

"Then... Seven days. Me and you. Married. With nothing else.." He grins as he reminds her of their short and long term goals.

Squeezing him tighter with her thighs and arms, Luna kisses him with everything inside of her. Pulling back, she looks him in the eyes before softly pecking his lips.

"Seven days." She asserts with a woeful sigh.

"Go." He tells her with a kiss on the lips and solid slap on the ass.

Luna can't help but break out into a grin over and for him. Kissing him quickly, she grabs her carry on before heading down the terminal.

"Seven DAYS!!!" She shouts as she looks over her shoulder. "I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!" Her voice lingers in his ear as she disappears.

Heart throbbing for Luna immediately, Colson halls ass through Cleveland's airport. Barely making his own 7hr flight. Missing it would've been worth it to him just to see her off.

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Settled, Luna touches her new ring. It's so big and different from her original. Looking at both, her eyes well up at Colson's words. Looking down at the new one, she sees him wrapped all around her. Missing him instantly.

"Seven days......" She sighs to herself. Already missing her puzzle piece. Popping two bars to sleep through her own 7hr flight.

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To be continued.....