#and my switch drifts so I don't know if that would be an issue—my experience with the game would surely suffer if it is

[enwie]

I keep forgetting you can just get some games from the library!

[goddesswithin111]

♕ Update & Advice - The void state

Hey, so I don’t post here as much as I said I would lol. But lately, I noticed that there’s been a lot of talk about the I’Am state or void state. I took a break from the void in August. Astral projection is something I’ve always wanted to do and I’ve been practicing with the occasional sleep paralysis (SP) I get every now and then. Inducing SP has also been a thing, but I took a break from all this because my sleep can be messy (it’s hard for me to fall asleep sometimes) and so I need all the sleep I can get.

End of October is when I decided to get back on track with the void state. That’s also when I started noticing signs and angel numbers, especially 111 / 555. I also “manifest” random things – for example, I dream about “wobbly/rotating airplanes” and then I see something similar on TV. Or I randomly talked about an issue in my city and then the government decided to bring up the discussion a couple days later, which is cool. It’s just a lot of synchronicities going on.

But all in all, I wanted to share that I entered the void for 2-3 seconds. This was my third “try”. The first time was through sleep paralysis and I wrote about it here. The second time was 2 weeks ago, I affirmed as I falling asleep and I dreamt about myself doing the same thing (affirming) and then the scene got darker until my dream changed – I took this as a sign.

Third time was last night and I was there! I wanted to wake up in the void and my intention was to go to bed and affirm until I fall asleep. I tend to lay on my back first when I go to sleep and then I switch over to my side. So I followed a Transcendent guided meditation and then I listened to some brown noise. At first, I wanted to clear my mind, but it was hard & I was forcing it at some point, so I just decided to let things flow in & out of my mind. Although, I did purposely try to sing a soft song in my mind while the brown noise was playing. I also made sure that my body was relaxed and not stiff because I was trying to fall asleep at the same time. So, I continued affirming “I’am in the void,” “I’am the void, the void is me”. At first, things that happened throughout the day were playing in my mind, but then they stopped and the back of my eyelids was dark with some flashes & floaters. My fingers and legs were twitching at times, but I ignored them. At some point, I couldn’t really feel my arms and legs, and I felt very relaxed. I kept affirming and then I noticed that it was dark & the brown noise was gone. I was like “woah wait…” – then I got excited and came to, and heard the sound playing again.

It happened so fast. For me, the void was not black, it was more like very dark grey lol and I was just there. It’s nothingness. I was happy when I realized what had happened. I know I was not drifting to sleep because I was not sleepy at all, I was just relaxed. It’s literally a deep meditative state like many have mentioned before. I will try again later this week. Overall, it took me maybe an hour or so to get there.

(this also shows how much time it takes for me to fall asleep sometimes because again my intention was to sleep and wake up in the void. Brown noise helps with my sleep. Sleep is important for me now, that’s why I try not to spend so much time on inducing SP or astral projection)

I just wanted to share this experience just to let others know that the void state is not complicated. I used to think that it was, but this experience changed my views on it. I also believe that taking a break helped me a lot. Also, it doesn’t matter if it takes you 5 minutes or 2 hours to get there, just relax your mind & body and affirm if you want to. Let go and try not to have any expectations. Just let go and try not to focus on your surroundings or symptoms. Don’t put the void on the pedestal. It’s you and it’s not going anywhere. ✶ At the same time, I'd like to say please don't wait on your desires (put them on hold) because of the void. Please don't obsess over the void. There are so many other ways to manifest, just find/do what works for you. ✶

[tap-tap-tap-im-in]

A friend of mine asked me recently to detail my Linux setup, and after thinking about it for a bit, I realized that this is essentially a personality quiz for the Linux users I thought I would detail it here as well.

I no longer have a desktop computer at all. I have two older generation "gaming" laptops and three Raspberry Pis. I'm going to go through in the order I got them:

Laptop #1:

[Purchased New in 2016] Acer ROG 7th Gen i7, 16GB Ram, nVidia 1050Ti Mobile, Internal 1TB HDD, external 2TB HDD

This was originally a windows laptop when I got it back in 2016, but in 2021 I was tired of the long windows boot times on the the HDD and was much more familiar with Linux due to several years experience doing webserver admin work.

I use Ubuntu LTS as my base. It's easy, it's well supported, it's well documented, and the official repos have just about everything I could need. The only thing I've really had to add myself is the repo for i3, but we'll get to that in a bit. I also chose Ubuntu because I already had my first two Raspberry pis, and both were running Raspbian, so using a debian based kernal meant that it wouldn't be much of a change when ssh'ing into them.

That said, I've never really liked the default Ubuntu desktop. Gnome3 is slow and full of too many effects that don't look especially nice but are still heavy to execute. Instead I loaded up KDE plasma. You can download Kubuntu and have them to the setup for you, but I did it the hard way because I found out about Plasma after installing Ubuntu and didn't want to start from scratch.

My plasma desktop looks like this:

Of my two laptops, this one is in the best shape. It's the one that I usually take with me on trips. With the dedicated GPU it can do some light gaming (it did heavier gaming on windows, but due to emulation layers the performance is just a little worse these days, Linux gaming isn't perfect), the screen hinge has never been an issue, and it's on the lighter side of gaming laptops (which is not to say that it's light). For that reason, I often find myself actually using it on my lap, in airports, at people's houses, on my own couch typing this up.

For this reason, I started looking into ways to better keep my hands on the keyboard, rather than having to drift down to the track pad, which is my least favorite part of this laptop. During that research I discovered i3. If you're not familiar i3 is a Linux Desktop Environment that is entirely keyboard driven. https://i3wm.org/

To be fair, it's less of a desktop environment and more of a keyboard driven window manager, as it doesn't have a "desktop" per se. Instead when you log into it, you simply get a black status bar at the bottom of the screen. It doesn't even black out the login screen, so if you don't know what to look for, you might think the whole thing has hung. But, the big benefit of this is that the whole thing is lighting fast for a DE. It doesn't waste any resources on effects or really anything that you don't need. But it's really nice for window tiling and task switching without having to get the mouse involved. This is great for productivity (if you're into that), but it's also just convenient for working on a gaming laptop, which might be balanced such that if you take your hands off of it, it might topple off your lap.

This laptop is my primary project computer. It has all my git repos and scripts for doing things like renewing my website's ssl certs. I also run game servers on it for Minecraft. I'm probably going to spin up a Valheim server on it in the near future too. Especially now that the process has improved somewhat.

Raspberry Pi #1:

[Gifted New in 2016] Raspberry Pi 3b, 4GB RAM, 32GB SD card

This one is my oldest RPi. It's had a lot of roles through the years, including an early version of the vogon media server during initial development in 2020. It's run headless Raspbian for a good three or four years now. Currently it's configured as a web server/php scripted web crawler and a pi-hole DNS server. My router currently refuses to use it as a DNS server without bringing the whole network down, but I will on occasion manually switch devices to it when I'm running especially ad-ridden applications.

There's not too much to say about this one. It's stable, I almost never have problems with it. I frequently use it for things that I want running in the background because they'll take too long and I don't want them blocking up one of my other computers.

Laptop #2

[Gifted Used in 2020] Asus Predator 7th Gen i7, 16GB Ram, nVidia 1080 Mobile, 2 internal 256GB SSDs, External 2TB HDD

This one runs windows 10 still. I use this primarily for gaming. The screen hinge is an absolute joke, and replacing it involves replacing the entire screen bezel assembly, which I can absolutely do, but is such a pain that I haven't gotten around to it in the 3 years I've owned this laptop.

There's nothing really special about this one, other than that when both laptops are at my desk, I use a KVM switch to swap my external monitor, keyboard, and trackball between the two computers.

Raspberry Pi #2:

[Gifted New in 2020/21] Raspberry Pi 4b, 4GB Ram, 16GB SD card, 2 120GB USB Sticks, External 2TB HDD

This is my media server. I got it for Christmas 2020 (or 2021, I don't actually remember which because 2020 was a hard hard year). It runs Rasbian, the full OS, with the desktop environment disabled from booting via the command line. It runs PHP 8.2, MariaDB, Apache2, and MiniDLNA to serve the content via my Vogon Media Server.

If you can't tell from the above storage, I'm running the USB ports well past the power delivery they are rated for. The webserver and OS are on the internal storage, so functionally this just means that sometimes the media disappears. I need to build a migration script to put the contents of the two USB sticks on the external storage, as there is more than enough room, and if I can put the HDD in an enclosure with dedicated power, that will solve the issue. But that's at least a hundred dollars of expense, and since the server only has 1, maybe two users at a time, we've been limping along like this for a few years now.

Raspberry Pi #3:

[Purchased New in 2023] Raspberry Pi 4b, 8GB Ram, 16GB SD card

This is the newest Pi. Work gave me a gift card as a bonus for a project recently, so after weighing the pros and cons of getting a VR headset, I settled on setting up a retro gaming tv box. Currently it's running Batocero Linux and loaded up with classic game roms up through the PSX. Though, I would really like to use it as a tv client for the media server. I've upgraded the devices in the living room recently, and there's no longer a dedicated web browser we can use without hooking up one of our laptops. I've got a spare 128GB SD card in the office, so I'm strongly considering getting a wireless mouse and keyboard and setting it up to dual boot between Batocero (which is convenient because it can be navigated with just a controller), and Raspbian. I think I'd set Batocero as the default in Grub, and then if I want to use Raspbian I'd need to have the keyboard handy anyway.

Maybe I'll get one of those half-sized keyboards with the trackpad built in.

Speaking of controllers. I use an 8BitDo Pro 2 controller, and I've been super happy with it since purchase: https://www.8bitdo.com/pro2/

So that's the setup. I have entirely too many computers for any one person, but I included the dates when I got them to show that a number of these have been around for a long time, and that part of the reason I have so many now is that I've put a lot of time into ongoing maintenance and repurposing.

If you've read this far, I'd love to hear about your setups. You don't have to reblog this, but please tag me if you detail yours.

[system-of-a-feather]

questions, if it’s ok! since we’re interested in having a fully fused state we can go into but ultimately want functional multiplicity:

1) do you have to do anything to prepare to go in/out of that state? like with triggering a switch - music, adjusting the environment, etc.

2) do you ever do temporary fusions that don’t include all parts?

3) do individual alters ever feel different (not necessarily in a bad way) when exiting that state, for example like do they get any pieces of traits from other alters while unfusing?

1) do you have to do anything to prepare to go in/out of that state? like with triggering a switch - music, adjusting the environment, etc.

Yes and no? Usually when we go into that state, we just kind of go with the flow. Often we notice it would be easier or feel ourselves drifting to a point where we are pretty fluid and its a matter of going "do we want to be fei for a bit" and just kinda like, mentally clicking a "yes" on that. Initiating it ourselves is a little more of a party trick that we could / possibly should work on some - we've done it here and there, particularly when the fully fused state was new and we wanted to practice holding it, existing in it, and communicating in it and a lot of that took a lot of... not quite "meditation" in the sense of sitting in the lotus position or anything, but an active internal engagement of parts to relax and let go.

Going into it and holding it, in my experience, is the harder of the skills to learn than leaving it / releasing it - which makes sense cause its not the usual state we've been living in for the past however long. Early on after realizing we COULD do it, we had a lot of issues holding it cause the smallest things would "over agitate" (for a lack of better words) one part too much (often Riku, too excitable) and they'd just pop out as an individual part. Usually that would then cascade into other parts looking over at them and going "RIKU GET BACK HERE WE WERE DOING THE THING WHAT ARE YOU DOING" and then it would cascade down for a while of everyone just going "bruh" in their own ways and form.

So going into it - in my experience - requires a lot of calm serenity within the parts near and around the front and so I think actively initiating it would probably require a good amount of ability to actually lower all active parties energy and all down some. That said, thats just our experience.

As for leaving it, it's pretty easy honestly. It's kinda like switching (assuming you have a pretty good grasp on switching when you want to) with just a little more intent behind it. As a fused state I actually can enjoy almost all the positive triggers of all the parts as me, but if I want to separate and / or get a specific part individually out, we just hyper engage that part and the things they like and go "yeah Im gonna be X now"

And like I said before, separating is so much easier than joining together. We just kind of throw a specific part of our brain a specific fixation and bone and they run off like a dog and usually when one of the regular fronters breaks off from Fei, the rest follow suit.

But usually both going in and out its a matter of noticing that its an option to do so and going "yeah you know sure" and - in funnier terms:

2) do you ever do temporary fusions that don’t include all parts?

Yep pretty frequently actually. Some parts its harder to track than others, like Riku does them A LOT and has arguably done them longer than any other part has - but its a lot harder for them to be aware of it as usually their partial fusions are with EPs and parts that don't speak so most of the time they don't really register until after the fact. XIV and Chunn tend to regularly do temporary fusions with one another and sometimes with Riku. A lot of parts don't have set in stone temporary fused states they return to yet, largely cause few have found a dynamic with another part where having that on/off again fusion is useful or productive or anything they're motivated to establishing as a somewhat regular occurrence. That said, XIV and Chunn do have that and they do it like, literally all the time.

3) do individual alters ever feel different (not necessarily in a bad way) when exiting that state, for example like do they get any pieces of traits from other alters while unfusing?

Oh yeah absolutely. Not like in this overt WOW TOTALLY DIFFERENT way, but more so in the sense that any lived experience - especially those in different and sometimes opposing perspectives - will almost always leave an impact and deeper insight into life that will change the overall way a person or part engages and sees the world.

You learn a lot about one another and from one another without explicitly having to talk or engage with it when you are fused together and honestly - every time we spend substantial amounts of time in Fei, we tend to have exponential growth and stability added to our system because the general mutual understanding seems to build A LOT over time.

Chunn had actually gone off about this before here because I think he honestly explains it better as its a lot more authentic and "raw" for a lack of better words.

You learn things while fused and carry over a lot of the "big picture" that is easier to see as a fused state when you separate back into individual parts as - generally speaking - the memories tend to be shared by all parts engaged in the fused state.

Again though, this is all just my experience honestly so take it as you will.

[duckugou]

drunk and gutsy

Bokuto x fem reader

drunk fluff moment

cw: drinking i suppose

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

----------------------------

"Id give you tha moon, love," Bokuto drunkenly admitted to you while you used all of your strength to hold him up.

You two were currently walking down the street after a night out. You barely drank, as usual, and were pretty much sober. Bokuto on the other hand was plastered. And was telling you everything you've ever wanted to hear come out of his mouth. But he didn't mean it, right? I mean- hes drunk.

"Youre really so gorgeous, y/n. A-and nobody, nobody. Deserves an angel such as ya," he slurred on, causing you to laugh.

"Oi its no j-joke," he hiccupped, stopping in his track, making you do the same. "I might be wasted-d but," he put his hand on your shoulder for support. "you're genuinely so amazing to me. Y-you don't know how bad I've wanted ta kiss ya but you'd n-never go for me."

"Bokuto. We need to get you home. You're talking out of your ass," you giggled, brushing off the pang you felt in your heart.

"N-no am not! I'm talkin out of my mouth!" He shouted, as you two began back on your way to his flat.

-timeskip bc like walking-

You both stumbled up the stairs and got into his door with minimum issues, mainly because Bokuto began singing some song that was played at the club and was too distracted to give you any trouble with the door.

"Dance with me!" He grabbed your hand from the light switch and spun you around.

"You moron theres no music!" You giggled, and he pulled you into him.

"I'll sing then! Whats that song we always sing- uh- Bubblegum!" He said, looking into your eyes.

"Okay, I'll start. Sorry that I didn't-"

"Kiss you!"

You both danced around and sang to the song you've been hooked on lately. You had to admit, you would remember this night forever. He was just so fucking pure in this moment, swinging you about, singing Clairo.

"You look so nice in your shirt It's sad because it just hurts I'd do anything for you But would you do that for me, too?" You sang in sync, as you really meant it. Little did you know, he did too.

"We oughta get you to bed," you suggested, forcing yourself to look away from his eyes.

Then, he took his chance, and kissed you.

All the clichés happened. It felt right. Even if it was a sloppy drunk kiss, you'd wanted it forever. And you hoped he would remember it tomorrow.

You silently walked him to his room after you detached your lips from his. He was beaming, and you were worried. What if it meant nothing to him and hes just drunk.

"Alright, this is your stop," you said, gesturing to his bed.

"Stay with meeeeeee," he whined.

"Bo, I can't- I'll come back tomorrow-"

"Please. Just this once. Please," he pleaded, laying on his bed, patting the space next to him.

His stupid smile was enough to make you cave. You sighed and took your shoes off, laying on the bed next to him.

'If hes not gonna remember any of this anyways- I might as well get comfy' You thought to yourself.

You snuggled into his embrace, loving every bit of his scent.

'I hope this isn't a one time thing' you thought, drifting to sleep in his arms.

-anotha time skip brought to you by my twitching eye-

Waking up next to Bokuto was a new experience. His light snoring was cute, but to avoid feeling creepy, you rolled out of his bed and went to the kitchen to grab water and pain killers he would surely need.

"Y/n?" He mumbled as you walked back in.

"Good morning," you said, giving him the glass of water and pain killers.

"Thank you, fuck my head hurts."

Neither of you said anything as you sat on the bed on your phone and Bokuto looked at you, wondering if he should say anything about last night.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?" you replied, locking your phone and looking at him.

"I uh- I do remember."

"Huh?"

"Everything from last night. I remember it all." he admitted.

Your face became hot and you didn't know what to say.

"I don't regret any of it. Honestly, glad I finally got the balls to tell ya all that," he chuckled, moving closer to you.

"Really?" you asked, barely audibly.

"Really. And uh- I promise I'm a better kisser sober." he assured, rubbing his neck to relieve tension from the headache.

"Here, let me-" You scooted behind him, rubbing his neck. "I don't regret it either, Bo."

He turned around to face you, putting his hand on the right side of your face. "Thank fuck," he said, kissing you.

He really was a better kisser sober.

[songsoomin]

Confidence (S)

Word count: 4,728

Mingi x female reader; you’re in a bar, Mingi hits on you, you’re unsure at first because your self-confidence is really low but you go back to your hotel and good things happen.

This is the first story I’ve ever written so I don’t know if it’s any good. Let me know.

Warnings: Smut, slight Dom!Mingi, slightly degrading names but not said in a nasty way. You are cheating on your husband but he’s an arsehole who treats you badly and you live separate lives.

Posted: 8th June 2020

You were sitting on a stool at one end of the bar, quietly sipping your drink and thinking about how you ended up here alone. It wasn't too noisy, just the hum of groups enjoying drinks on a Friday night but you enjoyed the lighting that was a lower than the obnoxiously bright spotlights of the loud clubs that all the kids went to, as well as the more laid-back atmosphere.

You were just over thirty now and had always thought that your life would be settled and happy by now...but here you were - holidaying alone, your husband back home probably not even giving you a second thought. He didn't care that you wanted to go away alone but then he hadn't cared much about anything you did for some time now. It wasn't always like this, you'd never had much self-confidence, always doubting if people really liked you - you always felt like the outsider even in your friend group - but when you met him he made you feel beautiful and special and your confidence soared but he'd spent the last 8 years slowly stripping away every last shred of it.

You had met as teenagers, fell in love, got married and for a while it was great...but then things went downhill; there was always something wrong with you and he didn't hesitate to let you know that. You didn't wear make up often enough; you didn't wear nice enough clothes; your weight had gone up slightly - everyday there was something he found to put you down about. Affection was only given by him if he thought you'd made enough effort to look nice and if he didn't like what you wore, he would virtually ignore you. It had been going on for years and by now you'd realised it was a type of emotional abuse and you felt utterly worthless. Friends asked why you didn't leave him but you made excuses for him and told them that you loved him but part of you suspected that you were just scared of being alone after all these years - after all, who would want you now? Maybe being with him was better than being all alone.

You'd ended up here because you had just wanted to get away from your life for just a bit, take some time just for you. You'd always wanted to visit Korea and now you could do whatever you wanted and not have to think about anyone else. Your mind, however, was drifting back to your problems now that you were at the bar watching couples and groups of friends having fun. You'd never been a social butterfly but it did feel a little awkward sitting alone and you wondered what people might think of you. Clearly a couple of men had thought you were looking to be picked up because they'd approached you offering a drink but you politely declined - that wasn't what you were after, although they may have thought otherwise as you'd made the effort to look good.

You had on a black dress which wasn't too short but showed off a nice amount of cleavage, high heels, pretty make up - you'd always loved getting dressed up because even if you never truly thought of yourself as good-looking, you knew you looked nice when dressed-up and it gave you back a little bit of the confidence you'd lost. Unfortunately it was usually just the older, slightly creepy guys that came on to you now and that didn't do anything to make you feel any more special. In your experience men always liked women younger than them which was why you thought nothing of it at first when a younger man approached the bar and sat on the stool next to you.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

You looked to where the deep voice came from and saw, possibly, the most beautiful man you'd ever seen. It seemed more appropriate to call a man 'handsome' but this man was something else entirely. 'Handsome' just didn't do him justice. He must've been about 6ft tall, his skin was smooth with dark eyes and plump lips that looked so soft you wanted to touch them. His hair was a deep red colour and was parted to the side, beautifully framing his perfect features. You realised you'd been staring and that he was waiting for an answer.

"Oh...um, no I'm fine, thank you." You smiled politely, trying not to stare too much.

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"No. I'm here alone, actually." You mentally cursed yourself for telling him this, you didn't want to look like a loser.

"Oh, me too. I'm Mingi, by the way." He flashed such a warm smile at you that you immediately felt more comfortable.

"Y/N." You said, relaxing a little more.

The two of you continued drinking and talking for a while, nothing too deep, just about life and things in general. He asked how you were liking Korea and you let on that you weren't just alone in the bar but alone on holiday, as well. He was surprised, after all, it's not that usual for people to holiday alone and he asked you why it was. You really didn't want to give him your life story and seem as pathetic as you felt but he made you feel so comfortable you settled on a shortened version.

"Aahh, well, it's a long story. My husband and I pretty much live separate lives now."

A sympathetic look crossed his face, "Is it okay if I ask why?" He was quick to add "I understand if you don't want to talk about it." after he saw the uncertain look you had.

"It's okay, I guess. Hmmm, well I suppose it's really because we met too young, we turned into different people over time. I'm just not what he wants now. He hasn't wanted me for years to be honest, I'm not attractive enough anymore." you laughed sadly, looking at your hands out of embarrassment.

"That's ridiculous - you're beautiful!"

You looked up at him surprised and quickly looked away, his intense look making you a little self-conscious. "Thanks.." you mumbled "That's kind of you to say."

"I mean it. You are." Mingi gently touched your hand and you felt your heartbeat quicken at the contact. That didn't mean you believed him, though, people tend to say nice things to try and make others feel better if they're sad. The silence that followed felt a little uncomfortable and you were grateful when he changed the conversation to lighten the mood again.

You were talking about foods you both liked and, as he was laughing and asking how on earth you were managing to eat here when you had such a low tolerance for spicy food, you realised you were staring again. He had such a bright smile, it lit up his whole face and you wondered at the duality he had - he seemed to be able to switch from intense and slightly intimidating to looking like a cute, loveable boy within seconds. He was so charming and you were sure he knew that - or, at least, he must've known you thought that by the way you couldn't stop staring like some kind of silly, lovesick teenager. It must've given him the confidence to move further as he carefully moved his hand to rest on your outer thigh and stroked his thumb over the soft skin there. You felt a thrill go through you but tried to tell yourself it was nothing but the fact you'd had no physical attention for so long and you should get a hold of yourself...after all, he was so friendly he was probably touchy with everyone. Your self-confidence was so low after years of being told you weren't good enough that your brain automatically looked for reasons why this touch meant anything other than he liked you.

Mingi's dark eyes looked deep into yours as he slowly trailed his hand a little further up, watching for your reaction, whether it was okay for him to continue. His intense gaze seemed to hold you in place and honestly you really weren't sure how to react to this; it felt so good but your mind was still having trouble grasping the situation. You didn't stop him so he moved further up and under the hem of your dress.

"What are you doing?" You asked, wide-eyed. His dark eyes held yours and he had a small smile on his face. "Don't you like it?"

"I...I do...but...why are you doing it to me?" He seemed somewhat confused at your question so you elaborated, "You can't be interested in me. There are tons of younger, prettier girls around and you're stunning...you could probably have your pick."

"You really don't see yourself clearly, do you? You're beautiful. Your husband really is a piece of crap to have made you feel anything less." His apparent sincerity was making you blush and also feel a strange warmth in your chest that you hadn't felt in a long time. There were other issues though, he was clearly in his early twenties - about 21 you thought - and maybe he didn't realise how much of an age difference there was.

"I've got to be around 10 years older than you!"

"And?"

"Well....I...we can't...", you really didn't know how to finish that sentence while he was looking at you so intensely. You couldn't remember why it was you thought it was a problem.

Mingi leaned in close to your ear and the proximity made you hold your breath; you could feel his warm breath on your ear as he whispered, "I like older women better. They have more experience."

You blinked in surprise - men usually liked younger women.

"How do you know I do? I've only ever been with my husband and it's been so long I can't even remember when the last time was." For the second time you mentally cursed yourself; you couldn't believe you'd just come out with something so private.

"Well, even if you don't, I'll still count myself lucky to be with someone as beautiful as you." You blushed at the slightly corny line.

"It seems like you're the one who knows what he's doing with pick-up lines like that." Mingi smiled cutely, "Is it working then?"

You were wavering, you really wanted this but weren't sure if it was okay. You'd never found yourself in this kind of situation before. When it occasionally happened you'd politely decline men's advances but you'd never had this kind of attention from a man this hot before and, if you were honest, you really did want to say yes.

Mingi could see you wavering and saw his opportunity, he leant in and softly placed his lips on yours. It was just for a second but you could feel his lips were as soft as you had imagined and just before he pulled away you felt Mingi's tongue lightly swipe over your bottom lip.

He knew he had you then seeing as you'd virtually melted into his arms, "What hotel are you staying at?" He had you a bit flustered and you'd forgotten the name so you simply said, "It's just a couple of streets from here." Mingi smiled and took your hand, "Let's go then."

It didn't take long to get to your hotel but instead of going in straight away you paused, "Mingi...maybe you should come up a few minutes after me. The staff might not like me taking a random guy up to my room", you laughed, although a little awkwardly. "Okay," he said in his deep voice that was giving you butterflies  "...what's your room number?" You gave him the number and quickly made your way to your room. You were grateful you'd have a few minutes to brush your teeth again and make sure you looked alright - you were feeling nervous and thought some ordinary tasks like that might calm you a little. Once you were done you waited on the edge of the king-sized bed; you hadn't really needed one that big as it was just you but you wanted a little luxury.

The minutes felt like ages and you started to worry he had changed his mind - despite the signals he'd been giving you all night, you just couldn't get the self-doubt out of your mind... Why would he want you? A knock on the door took you from those thought and replaced them with another wave of butterflies in your stomach - you'd never slept with anyone just after meeting them and you really didn't know how to act.

"Hi-" Your words were stopped by him pushing you back in to the room and immediately kissing you. It wasn't as soft as at the bar but full of desire as he took your bottom lip between his and sucked it. A small moan escaped you at the sensation and you felt him smile. He swiped his tongue over your bottom lip and you opened your mouth for him to enter but just as your tongues met he suddenly pulled back. In an instant you were wondering what you had done wrong but he didn't look unhappy, "You have your tongue pierced?" he asked and you realised he must not have noticed it as you were talking earlier. "Oh, um, yeah. You don't mind it do you?" He suddenly smiled, looking very excited "Mind it? I can't wait to see how that feels on my dick. I've never been with anyone with a tongue piercing before." You smiled teasingly, having become a little more confident, "Well, if you're lucky I might let you."

Mingi growled lowly and pulled your head back in towards him, connecting your lips in a more urgent manner. Although he was younger he was dominating the kiss and you were happy to let him, you'd always been the submissive type and the feeling of him dominating you had you heating up. One of his hands was on your back and the other on the back of your head, his fingers in your hair and you wished you could feel them holding you down on the bed instead. He moved his lips down to your neck, leaving wet kisses as he went and when he started licking and sucking on the skin there you melted in to him. Mingi started biting then and it turned you on to feel like he was marking you as his for the night.

The hand on your back moved up and started to pull down the zip of your dress but he paused when he felt you tense. "What's wrong? You do want this, right?" He may have been dominating but he still wanted that reassurance.

"Yeah, so so much but...I'm just a little self-conscious."  

Mingi smiled gently, "Y/N, you really are beautiful. Please....let me see you."

He seemed so sincere you felt a bit stupid to let your doubts get in the way of enjoying this moment so you relaxed and nodded to let him know he could go ahead. He pulled your zip down slowly, trying to make you feel more comfortable as he started to expose your body. Once your dress was pooled at your feet Mingi stepped back a little taking in the sight of you with a look of appreciation on his face and you were glad you had worn your lacy black underwear as you always felt it looked the best on you. His warm hands moved up over your soft skin and stopped on your breasts; they'd always been on the generous side and he hummed appreciatively as they were the perfect size for his large hands. Mingi leaned his head down and kissed one of your breast before gently sucking on the skin there. Your nipples were getting hard already and his thumbs stroked them through the thin lace. Another moan escaped you as the sensation went straight down to your core.

Mingi laughed lightly, "I'm going to have fun tonight if you react this well to my touch."

You flushed a little but he was making you feel so good you didn't mind. "I told you, it's been a long time." you giggled and decided to even things up as you moved your hand down and palmed his erection which was now very evident. A thrill of excitement shot through you as you felt his size through his jeans and heard the low, deep groan come from his throat.

Mingi slid one of your bra straps off and kissed your shoulder before moving his hands round the back and unclasping your bra entirely. It seemed he enjoyed taking his time undressing you and the anticipation only added to the excitement for you, although by now you had become so worked up you just wanted him to fuck you already. Once he'd exposed your breasts completely he trailed wet kisses down your chest so agonisingly slowly that you whispered "Please, Mingi". You saw him smile slightly, obviously enjoying how much of a whimpering mess you'd already become for him - he didn't give you what you wanted straight away, though. He pressed his lips to your ear and said in a low voice, "I like hearing you beg for my touch." He licked your earlobe and bit it lightly, making you moan again and start begging more. "Please, Mingi...touch me. I need you."

"Good girl." His voice seemed to get deeper as he was enjoying your begging and just hearing it was making you wetter.

Mingi gently pushed you towards the bed and laid you down. He took off his shirt and you could see the toned muscles of his upper body. He moved to hover over you with his strong arms caging you in and you stroked over the smooth skin of his chest and abs. His body was like a work of art - even his scent was amazing - and you couldn't believe this man was yours tonight. As you kissed his chest your hands found their way to the waistband of his jeans and undid the button. You slid your hand inside and stroked his erection  through the thin fabric of his boxers, Mingi groaned and took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking hard.

"Oh God! Harder.." you pleaded and let out a small yelp as he took your nipple between his teeth and bit. You felt the sensation in your core and jerked involuntarily. Mingi chuckled and pinched the other nipple between his thumb and forefinger just as hard, loving the reactions he was getting out of you.

"You like it rough, do you?" His deep voice, almost whispered in your ear almost made you think you could come with just the sound of it. He almost growled as he moved back up to force his tongue back in to your mouth. You gave in to the kiss and he took that as a green light to be a little more rough with you.

Without warning Mingi's strong hands pushed your thighs apart and palmed your pussy, feeling the wetness that had soaked through your lace underwear. "Mmmmm, so wet for me already, dirty girl." He slipped your panties to the side and slid two fingers into your hole.

"Aaahhhh." You moaned at the feeling of his long fingers thrusting in to you over and over but you wanted more.. you wanted him to wreck you to make up for what you'd been missing for so long. You were like a starved woman, "More. Please, Mingi, I need more." Mingi groaned and entered a third, pumping them and pressing on your g-spot until you were close to coming undone but he stopped before letting you get that release and attacked your clit with his mouth instead.

"Oh my god, please don't stop. It feels so - aaaahh!" You screamed as Mingi took your clit between his teeth and bit down. Alternating between biting and sucking it didn't take long before you were at the edge again but this time he didn't stop, slipping one of his long fingers in to your back entrance he threw you straight over the edge. As you came hard he withdrew his finger giving you more pleasure than you'd ever felt before. Your legs were trembling as you came down from your high and he kissed your clit again, causing you to jerk. "I knew my dirty girl would like that." Mingi smiled and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. "You taste amazing, by the way."

"Maybe I can get a taste of you now," you said, feeling more confident now. Looking up at him through your lashes you started to remove his pants. Once free you could see how impressive he was as his hard cock stood against his lower stomach, "Wow..." you breathed, "...you're so...big." Mingi smirked at you, "Are you gonna take it all like a good girl?" You got down on your knees in response, loving the way he was talking down to you, dominating you.

You felt like teasing him a little so you took his thick cock into your hand and licked at the precum dripping from the tip. It was salty but tasted amazing and you closed your eyes, enjoying it. Mingi groaned as you looked lost in pleasure while licking the precum off his dick. You looked straight into his dark eyes as you put your mouth around his tip and you could see how lust-filled they were, wanting more than just teasing so you pulled back and licked all the way up the underside, flicking your tongue when you reached the sensitive spot just under the rim. "Fuuuck," he growled in his deep voice "that tongue piercing feels so fucking good." You smiled and went back to sucking the tip then slowly going down further until he was filling you, his tip against the back of your throat - you had a pretty good gag reflex but that wasn't the problem - he was just too big so you used your hand to pump what wouldn't fit in. You carried on sucking his dick, letting him hit the back of your throat and his moans just kept coming. His hand was in your hair and as his pleasure intensified he got rougher, pulling your hair tighter. Needing to catch your breath back from having your mouth stuffed so full, you pulled back and alternated between running the ball of your tongue piercing up the shaft and flicking your tongue over the most sensitive spot, making his hand tremble slightly as it pulled your hair.

Without warning Mingi took your head in both hands and pushed you down on to his dick again "Fuck, Y/N, you're so fucking good at sucking cock. I bet my dirty girl loves having my cock rammed down her throat." You moaned at his degrading words and Mingi hips stuttered as he felt the vibration around him. The degradation and cock-sucking had you so wet now you could feel your juices dripping onto your thighs. Mingi started getting rougher with you as he basically fucked your mouth, groaning each time you had to pull back slightly and gasp for air. "I'm so close... I bet you'd take all my cum in that pretty mouth of yours but I wanna save that for your pussy." Mingi pulled out and you were finally able to breathe easily.

With a dark look on his face he pushed you on to the king-sized bed and leant over you, kissing you hungrily. He trailed sloppy kisses down your neck to your chest as he lined his huge cock up with your soaking wet hole. You felt Mingi's tip lightly stroke against your wet entrance and he seemed to want to tease you because instead of entering he moved up and stroked it against your now-oversensitive clit instead. You shuddered at the intense feeling jolt through you, "Mingi, please...I need you in me so bad."

"Mmm, I love you whining desperately for my cock like a little slut." Mingi said in such a deep voice as he smirked down at you - the combination made you think you could just explode, you'd never wanted anything more than to have him ram his dick right into you.

Mingi made you wait a little longer as he stroked himself slowly against your wet hole again, while you got more whiney and desperate. Suddenly he thrust in to you hard, bottoming out straight away and you cried out, in an equal amount of pleasure and pain as he stretched your walls further than they ever had been. "I'm sorry," he said, looking slightly worried, "Fuck, I didn't expect you to be so tight."

You smiled at him, trying to get used to his size, "I told you it's been a long time." You giggled and he kissed you as he started thrusting a little more gently. The feeling was so intense it replaced the discomfort you had felt being stretched so much and soon his slow thrusts just weren't enough. "Mingi, I need more....fuck me harder...please." Mingi groaned at your pleading and it sounded so dirty you clenched around his dick, making him moan even louder, "Oh fuck, you feel amazing."

Unexpectedly he pulled out leaving you feeling empty but he flipped you over and putting his mouth to your ear he ordered you in a low voice, "Get on your hands and knees, dirty girl." The order sent a thrill of arousal straight through you and you did as you were told, lifting your arse up to allow him better access - you were aching to have him back inside you.

"Fuck, Y/N, your tight cunt feels so good around my dick." Mingi said as he pushed his big cock back inside you. He was hitting all the right places inside you as he thrust deep and hard and his hands were gripping your hips so tightly you were sure his fingers would leave bruises. Being fucked by Mingi was better than anything you'd ever felt and your walls were clenching around him, the sensation so intense you couldn't feel anything other than him. You were close to cumming again but you needed more so you moved one of your hands to your clit and started rubbing, wanting your high to come faster. "God, that's so hot...touching yourself while I wreck your pussy. I'm gonna stuff you so full with my cum it's going to be pouring out of you." Those words in his low, deep voice were all you needed for the intensity of your second release to come crashing down on you, causing your legs to tremble. Mingi held you in place while he continued to pound into you, pulling almost all the way out and forcing his dick back in roughly. He didn't need long, though, the feeling of your walls clenching so tight around him was enough to have his hips stuttering and his creamy, white cum filling you up while he let out a loud, deep moan. After a moment of you both trying to catch your breath he pulled out and you laid half-reclined on the bed underneath him; you could feel his thick cum dripping down on to your inner thighs. You looked straight into Mingi's beautiful, dark eyes as you slid your fingers between your folds and scooped up some of his cum then slowly licked it off, making a mess and leaving some glistening on your lips. Mingi's eyes widened and he had a huge smile on his face, "Oh my fucking god... you are so dirty!"

For a few minutes you both laid down getting your breath back; you weren't quite sure what to expect now - it was just a one-night thing, after all (was he just going to clean up and leave?) but he shifted a bit closer to you and held you, rubbing your soft skin with his fingertips.

"How many more days are you here for?" he asked suddenly.

"Umm...I have 4 days left before I have to leave." you answered, not sure why he was asking.

"Same time tomorrow night? You looked so beautiful with my cum on your lips just now...I want it all over your face next time."

[thetransguard-archive]

I really have a hard time with ao3's interface, would you mind posting your fic on here so it's more accessible to me personally? I understand if you don't want to, have a lovely day!

of course, it’s not a problem! putting it under the cut because it’s kind of long 

tw: canon temporary character death (nicky’s shooting), mild temporary amnesia, graphic description of canon typical violence

all the little lives

Later, Joe chalks it up to the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the same purpose that has carried him, exhausted and aching, up and up and up, through the sleek building to carry out Andy’s strategy. So it’s only when he offers the end of the rope to Nicky to tie around his arm, and the green eyes that stare back at him are blankly confused that he realises.

“São Pau-” but he doesn’t let Booker finish his sentence, doesn’t want Nicky stammering apologies for things beyond his control. So he cuts in, “I’ll make the entrance this time.” Loops the cord around his forearm a few times, tightens it. Swaps out his gun for Nicky’s. He has less ammunition in this one, but it’s bigger and louder and here his role is not to attack effectively, just to put them off balance, even for a moment. As he pulls away, Nicky’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. The tips of his fingers are still terribly cold.

Joe looks from Nicky’s solemn face to Booker’s. The guilt in him pours from his eyes, the slant of his mouth, the set of his shoulders. Pity and pain wage war inside Joe’s mind, but right now there are bigger things to take care of. They don’t need words, not after two centuries of brotherhood.

I’m trusting you, for this. For now. Keep him safe.

He waits three seconds after the fire door slams shut behind them to smash through the window.

--

In the elevator down, his eyes can’t stop drifting to Booker. He’s standing closest to the doors, gun gripped tight. Joe doesn’t want to bore holes in the back of his brother’s head, but he can't help himself. He can’t stop wondering. When? When? At what point did Booker decide that whatever family they had all built together, was never going to be enough? That night a decade or so ago, when he’d smashed the night’s wine bottle in a drunken rage and screamed at Andy and Nicky and him until Joe had cried? Or even before that, the last job in Russia in the seventies, when he refused to speak at all? When they’d laughed over Andy’s baklava? At what point had Booker decided that a chance of true, final death was worth the rest of them?

He feels the beginnings of tears in the backs of his eyes and before he can scrub at them to push them back, he feels a warm hand on the small of his back. Nicky. He refocuses on that small pressure, on the taste of blood in his mouth, the weight of his boots. He breathes, and does not cry. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in tears, but right now he needs to keep a steady head.

There’ll be time later.

The gunshots are faint but Nicky still jolts, pale eyes latching onto the ceiling. When the elevator doors open, he sprints, pushing past Booker. Joe’s not far behind, and they help Nile out of the car as her joints snap back into place, muscles reforming around shattered bone. Bonds made in blood, in pain. In love. Joe meets Nicky’s eyes through the dash mirror as they drive into something new.

--

They stop, after a while, because Andy’s still woozy from blood loss and the shock of actually feeling the physical pain through to its entirety. She and Joe swap, and after a brief argument in which Andy increasingly slurs her words in a way that’s alarming to all in the car, Nile takes her place in shotgun. Joe looks back after maybe half an hour and finds their fearless leader drooling a little on his beloved’s shoulder. Nicky’s drifted off a little too, days of almost constant pain catching up to him. They’re only human, after all. Some small selfish part of Joe wants to swap out and let himself nap too, but Nile’s new and has just taken a swan dive out of a skyscraper and doesn’t even know where to go, really, and Booker...

Logically, Joe knows that there’s no chance that Booker would drive them into another trap, another capture. This was his only plan, and he’s shed blood to make it right, however immediately. But this new sting of pain and horror is brand new and fresh in his chest, so he keeps driving, and ignores the way Booker’s eyes keep flicking to his in the mirror. Doesn’t acknowledge him the way Nicky has been doing, but for a different reason. Nicky retreats, when he’s angry- the problem shrinks in his mind, becomes somewhat invisible. His eyes slide over the issue like a river over a rock until it’s eventually worn away. His rage is deep and slow to dissipate. But for Joe? If he lets himself go, he knows exactly the type of venom he’s capable of spitting. And it’s as Andy said. Now just isn’t the time.

So, he drives.

--

Somehow between one blink and the next, they are at the safehouse. It’s almost dark now, the deepening sky wreathed in purples and blues in a way that makes him itch for his paints. If he had the energy for it. He feels worn down to the bone. Joe is just uncurling his aching fingers from the wheel, but Nile is already out of the car, stepping around to shake Andy awake. So young, for all of this already, and stronger than all of them. She’ll be the best of us. Most days he feels fine, is able to keep all of that time packed away, out of sight and out of mind. There’s always something new to see, to experience, to love. Today though, he just feels the weight of all the years.

(He’s so fucking tired.)

A gentle voice to his right, that odd mix of old Ligurian and Arabic that they’d invented, all on their own so many lifetimes ago. He’s smiling even before he knows why.

“Yusuf, love, let’s go. Let’s go.”

He lets himself lean on Nicky, just a little, as they slouch towards the door that Nile’s taken Andy through. She doesn’t try turning on the lights, but he does, and Nile jolts like she’s been shocked when they actually flick on. Booker closes the door behind them with a soft click. Still trying to blend away into the background. They stand there in the atrium for a moment, still covered in dust and smoke and blood. The house is large and it swallows the sounds of their ragged breaths.

“Some of our safehouses aren’t abandoned churches and caves.” Nicky’s voice has gone even softer with fatigue. “Hot water works, too. The rooms have ensuites.” He doesn’t say anything else before he begins leading Joe up the stairs.

Joe, as tired as he is, is pleased to know that Nicky at least remembers these little things. It means he’s healing well.

The bedroom door locks behind them and they strip off their clothes in a pile in the corner. They’ll have to burn it all tomorrow. Now, Joe goes hunting for where they’d kept their spares while Nicky finds the soap and starts the hot water running. When he returns, Nicky is already submerged to his neck. They’d allowed themselves to splurge in buying this place, and when Joe seats himself behind Nicky there’s plenty of room to move. Nevertheless, his heart leans back, damp head on his shoulder. They sit for a moment. Soak in the quiet of it all. They’ll have to rinse themselves off properly later, but for now they let the steam pool and swirl and fill the slightly dusty bathroom.

“How much?”

Sometimes, when one of them suffers a catastrophic head injury, it takes a while to remember it all. The last time had been Booker, and he’d been blown to bits by a mine and died three more times before they could piece enough of him back together for it to matter. They’d taken turns, him and Nicky and Andy, for the few days after, filling in all the gaps that Booker couldn’t recall at the time. The memories all came back eventually, but at least there was a warning. Some things just shouldn’t be remembered alone.

Between the two of them, it had been Joe the last time things were forgotten. He’d been dead and in the process of healing before the tank had rolled over his head, killing him again. He'd awoken to a hysterical Nicky, blood all over his face and hands. Trying to piece his pulverised skull back together. He hadn’t remembered what exactly had brought him to this place, but he’d tried to wipe away Nicky’s tears, first. Always, Nicky first. That kiss had tasted of blood. When it was either of them, they usually just told tales to each other. They’d been together for all of it, hadn’t they?

There is not a single piece of his soul that he hadn’t already bared.

“Just little... Little pieces. Tell me.” Nicky has switched to Arabic, rounding out the sounds in his throat. Joe can feel the rumble of his chest, knows without looking that Nicky’s eyes are closed. He grabs the soap, starts working on what he can reach. Nicky’s sifting back through a millennium of memory. He can help speed things along.

Nicky leans forwards and Joe leans with him, lathering soap down the length of his spine. He considers. He begins, his voice a bare whisper, barely sound. Pure thought passed from one half to another.

“You are Nicolo di Genova. You are Nicholas, and Nico, and Nicky to those who love you. You are loved, dearly. You are the other side of my beating heart. You are the son to parents who did not care for you and deserve no care in return. You are the friend and brother to Andromache of Scythia, and Sébastien le Livre, and… Nile Freeman. She’s new. She saved us. He betrayed us.

We have lived thousands of lives, side by side. I have killed you, and you have killed me. Our deaths are the same. Our lives align. When that final night comes, it shall come for us both. We have walked through war, and peace, through hatred and with love, always. We hurt those who harm. We protect those who cannot protect themselves. You are good with children, and small animals. You have practised kindness until it has become the bedrock on which you build your soul.

You dream, and you think harder than any of us, because out of us you are the one who knows the danger of action without reason. You are the philosopher to my poet. You make sense of my art. You sing, when you can, and it is always the most beautiful sound to my ears, comparable only to your voice, and the beat of your heart.

You speak only when you need to. Your patience is boundless. You inflicted great harm once, on me, on my people and on others. But you learn, and you have grown. You are forgiven. You are always learning, eager for knowledge. Your curiosity is the best part of you, in my opinion. Along with all the rest.

You have purpose. You are good. Always, I love you.”

Nicky’s hair has grown back in exactly the same way it had been before Keane shot him, but the skin is tender under his wet fingers. They turn around in the bathtub, splashing water out the sides, and he feels Nicky’s hands on his shoulders now, easing away the grime.

“And you?” Nicky’s voice is breathless, teasing. Somewhere, somehow in between getting into the water and now, the weight has lifted from Joe’s bones, has set aside that grief and guilt and anger and fear. It’s still there, but he’ll deal with it in the morning. The sun will rise, as it always has, and there will be time later to card through everything and pack it away. Now, however, is cooling water and gentle fingers and cheap hotel soap from decades gone by. Now is the quiet after the storm. The house is shaken, but still standing. Everyone he holds in his heart is still here.

“I am Yusuf, I am Joe. I am yours. And I will never let you go.”

[realityshiftingandblogging]

Dreaming, An Explanation

Okay before I start, I had this posted on Amino a while back so if you go "hey I've seen this on Amino-" that's because it's my post. If you need further proof I'll log in and screenshot XD

I wanted to make this to show others valuable information and maybe clear up how the dream process works! Before anyone asks - yes I did write this. These are my NOTES from the book I was reading. You can find it here: https://books.google.com/books/about/500_Dreams_Interpreted.html?id=g-TqtgAACAAJ

Obviously I do not claim to have a scientific discovery on any bit of this information (lol), it's public information.

I've collected, gathered, and put into my own words. If I had to copy it word for word I have "quotations" and things like "(from the book.)" Also, you'll see me say "quote on unquote." If anything wasn't quoted, I sincerely apologize in advance. I hope you get any answers you have needed, and that this isn't too boring! The whole point of this was to give information on dreams and how make the most of them. I never really understood (until a few years back) why we lucid dream and how it works. Why does it do this and is there anything that triggers it? So here is what I learned and what I also got from the book! (I really hope you find answers because this took....8 hours? To write?) So in other words, I hope this clears things up for you!

Side note: The images are sort of like borders?? I hope they don't bother you. And there are a lot of grammar errors so 🧍🏻‍♀️

Introduction

Dreams can be used to communicate and discover important things about yourself. The process happens when the deepest part of your subconscious, that processes the dream state, sends messages to you - which can be symbols, actions, people, or images. What happens in a dream is usually not meaningless, but it can be confusing at times! These messages are meant to help you evaluate and discover what you are doing right and wrong.

Dreams can consist of personal experiences which are why when your subconscious messages you, it can consist of things that are personal to you. (Such as memories, beliefs, and other things like fantasies and expectations.) This is why if you learn the meanings of your dreams and discover how to use them, you can become better at what you do and achieve a higher level of inspiration and encouragement.

-----

“When you go to sleep, where do you really go?”    ― Brian Lovestar

-----

The way to unlock the meanings of your dreams is to realize that

¹ They are not a one-way experience in which your dream self bombards you with information.

² Dreams are not lectures, they are dialogues between your conscious and subconscious minds. The dialogue is created from your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Your dream self then uses this information to create visual pictures to show you what you feel and how you perceive things.

Once you begin to interpret your dreams you will recognize attributes that may not be serving you in the best way possible/positive way. Once you interpret your dreams and learn - you’ll find it easier to face fears and overcome personal challenges. With more practice, you can learn to program and/or “incubate” your dreams to address a very specific problem. Because dreams generally have multiple levels of meaning, the more work, and effort you do, the better.

Why do we dream?

This has no definitive answer, though as far as speculation goes - it's to rejuvenate and repair the body. Others say it’s purely phycological; to review the daily events, relieve the mind, and to release emotions. Here are a few explanations...

Compensation

Carl Jung, a psychologist, believes that we dream to compensate for underdeveloped personalities. His reason is it may explain why the dreaming behavior of some is obviously different from the ‘them’ they personify while awake.

Processing

This suggests that dreams organize and process the conscious and unconscious mind that it received during the day. In other words “refreshing the mind.” And again, in other words, “rebooting/turning it off and on again.”

Coping

Ernest Hartmann, a psychiatry professor, suggests that dreams are projected by certain emotions. The new material is “weaved” into the memory of said dreamer in ways to help cope. In ways such as stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.

Activation Synthesis

In this theory, Allan Hobson and Robert McCarley say that dreams are due to “sensory-motor signals.” These areas activate small parts of the brain that affect memory, emotions, and physical feelings. In this, it creates dreams in relation to the sensations and signals sent.

Resolution

Some scientists believe in this theory: the theory that dreaming is a problem-solving use. They suggest that when we sleep, our brain continues to process all issues of concern that we deal with in our waking hours. In this, it makes up solutions.

So what does happen when we sleep? That we know of?

When you go to bed at night you are alert. The reason is that your brain is still producing a small signal - a beta wave. As you begin to fall asleep these waves slow down and become ‘Alpha Waves.’ When this happens you might experience what’s called “Hypnagogia.” This is the experience of auditory and visual hallucinations that make it hard for you to fall into a “deep sleep.” As others may know it, it can cause Sleep Paralysis and Lucid Dreaming! As Google says: “Hypnagogia is the experience of the transitional state between wakefulness and sleep in humans: the hypnagogic state of consciousness, during the onset of sleep. Mental phenomena that occur during this “threshold consciousness” phase include lucid thought, lucid dreaming, hallucinations, and sleep paralysis.” During the process of attempting this...some people reported hearing their name called, seeing random patterns, and body jerks (which are called myoclonic jerks.) When you’re in this stage it’s as if you’re fighting to stay awake. But actually, this is the first step of sleep.

Every night your body switches between a cycle of REM and NREM states. This happens around every 90 minutes or so, you switch between light sleep and deep sleep and the cycle continues. It supposedly happens around 6 times a night (but varies depending on how long you sleep at night.) The changes between REM and NREM are found by the change of your heart rate, brain activity, muscle tension, and body temperature.

NREM Sleep

State one: In this stage, you should begin to drift off. Your muscles relax, your body temp and blood pressure decrease, and you breathe slowly. As the production of Alpha waves begin to slow, your awareness noise, light, and feeling begin to zone out. Your eyes would exhibit slow movements and this is an easy state to awake you from.

State two: If stage one is undisturbed, state two will enter the stage. In this, you will feel a deeper sense of relaxation and like before… All blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and temp decrease. Your brain produces slower theta waves which will soon introduce “sleep spindles.” Sleep spindles are higher forms of activity. This process usually lasts 10-20 minutes.

State three: This is a deeper form of sleep. You couldn’t be awakened very easily from this state. Yet again temp, blood, and heart rate decrease. Your brain should still be producing theta waves, which gradually change to lower and larger delta waves.

State four: State four is when you are sleeping deeply now but not dreaming. In this stage, it’s difficult to be awoken due to your body’s sensitivity level. In this stage, most of your brain waves are delta waves now.

Back To Rem

Around 20 minutes after being in stage 4 of NREM, your cycle goes back to states 2 and 3. But you won't return to stage one and wake up. Instead, you will just go to REM sleep. This is called “prime dream mode.” The electrical waves/movements in your brain put you in a state similar to being awake. Your eyes will move from behind the lids. Research says this is because your mind is focusing on the dreams. During this, your heart rate speeds up, oxygen increases and so does your temp. After this REM is induced and what is commonly referred to as Sleep Paralysis will begin. This is when all muscles in the body are immobilized. As far as we know - it’s believed to prevent us from “acting out” in our dreams and hurting ourselves.

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Side Note

This happens multiple times a night. The more time you enter State 4 sleep, the more rejuvenation you receive. The more time you spend in sleep, the less time that 3 and 4 will happen and gives you more time to spend in REM/dreaming stage. Also, from the reading, they say early morning dreams are more vivid and happen longer.

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End of the dreaming

When you begin to wake up, you’ll experience “hypnopompia.” This is very similar to hypnagogia, This stage leaves you disoriented and makes you feel “loopy.” It could make you feel like there is pressure on your chest and sometimes causes you to feel, see, and hear things. Such as someone walking into your room and standing there. This process can be described as your mind waking up before your body does. Many times this does happen, but we have no memory of it ever happening. But when people do remember they describe it as frightening or disturbing. If you do happen to experience this, it’s said to remain calm and your body will eventually wake up.

How can you recall your dreams?

The first good step is to keep the visual fresh in your mind! As well, try to remember as many details as possible. Despite whether you only remember fragments or “none at all.” There are a few fun activities you can do!

Window of Opportunity

This method is intended to improve your observational skills, which does improve dream recall. Pick a comfortable spot to sit in, specifically near a window. You need the window. Take a few moments to unwind and relax. Just let your gaze look wherever you like - as long as you're looking at what’s out there. Notice as much detail as you can while being focused. BUT do not feel stressed by it. Don’t “worry” about it either. Just focus on the details. Take in as much as you can like… what color is the sky? Are the trees yellow and brown or green? Are there people? If so, what do they look like? What are they wearing? Once you are done with the scene and you feel comfortable, bring out a notebook and write down every bit of information you remember. It doesn’t matter the order and neither does it if you don’t remember something specific. It can be general things if that’s all you remember. Also, note the emotions you felt as you looked at certain things. Were you tired? Happy? Wanting this to be over? Write that down. If you’re artistic, you may sketch it! Sometimes sketching the scene may help you remember things you didn’t recall before.

Dream it up a bit

After this exercise, you might want to do better/enhance the skill. When you do, you should try being “more creative.” How so? Make it more “dreamier.” Pretend you are actually there in the scene. Strolling a path, smelling the roses, looking at the lake, etc. Once you’re done, jot it down. Remember to do this in the present tense. Write the details of what you saw and then implement yourself into it - just as you imagined.

Rewrite

If gazing out of a window is not something you want to do. There is another way! To do so you need to recall an event that happened in your day and pretend like it was a dream! Write it down in the present tense. Here’s an example: You went to eat lunch. Since you did you need to ask these questions:

•What time do I leave and arrive?

•What am I wearing?

•What’s the weather like?

•What day of the week is it?

•How am I feeling?

•Do I speak to someone?

•How do I travel?

•Am I alone?

You can do this for however long you’d like. Recalling all of these details as if they were a dream helps your mind remember said dreams.

Suggestion/Affirmations

Yep! Suggestion! This is effective and simple. All you have to do is, very often, suggest to yourself that you WILL remember your dreams. You can post reminders on your phone, ask someone to say “hey you're going to remember your dreams” every so often, or even use a “suggestion trigger.” A suggestion trigger is something to remind you to repeat your phrase. A good “suggestion trigger” is whenever you check the time!

Dream Journals and Sleep

Dream journals are your own personal journal and there is no “right or wrong” way to keep one. It’s made based on what you observe from your dreams. Simply put. The most important part of keeping one is that you feel comfortable with it. Here are a few small suggestions before going to bed:

Pick one that suits you.

Yes, it may be nice to buy one of those fancy dream journals that are marketed as such. But you may get it and spend money on something you really didn’t like. So go with what suits you and makes you comfortable.

Prepare yourself and your place.

Avoid anything strenuous before bed and avoid anything that might disrupt your sleep cycle. If you are a tidy type and need a clean room, then tidy before bed. Be sure the room is the right temperature for you and get into something cozy. You may be too lazy to do so but this will help your sleep and your remembrance of detail. It will also make sure you won’t be distracted by small annoying things.

Place the journal near you when you sleep.

Also, keep a pen! If you wake up at night you can write it ASAP.

Before going to bed, open to a new page.

Note where you are and where you live, the date, the time, etc. Leave a space at the top so you can title it later depending on the dream you had. Summarize all events of that day you can think of and write down your reminder phrase! It is optional if you want to include your mood and your health state. Before going to bed, repeat your reminder phrase

Upon Waking Up

Set your clock 15 minutes earlier than your normal wake time. This gives you more time to write your details. If possible, wake up to classical music or radio. Alarms cause sudden noises and sudden noises have been proven to make you forget dream memory upon waking up. As you begin to wake up, lie down, and keep your eyes shut. This will help “cement” the details into your subconscious. (Supposedly.) Without trying to change or manipulate any thoughts, try to recall the details of your dream When you feel comfortable enough, start writing anything you remember. Write in the present tense. Try to relive the dream as you write it. You can start anywhere in the dream, even go backward. The more important aspect is keeping somewhere to relive. Once you finished you should write the time you woke up and choose a title. Assigning a title and table of contents will help your mind's ability to make connections.

Dreamwork during the day

If you couldn’t recall your dream, take some time (when you can) to write about what your day as if it were a dream. Just like what we mentioned above. To “enhanced” this exercise you can imagine that you really did recall something. For example (come from the book): “I awake with a vague feeling of having been in a sunny place. There are brightness and warmth.”

Dream Incubation. What is it? And how do I use it?

Around the world there are places called “Dream temples” These temples were made in the honor of Asklepios, the god of healing. Snakes were allowed to move freely around these temples because it was believed they were secret symbols to evoke the powers of gods. As you may know, there is a popular symbol of snakes. The Caduceus! It’s two snakes wrapped around a staff. This is mainly based on the symbolism that snakes are “healers.” Both emotional and physical. Dream temples were most often placed in a rural area away from loud places. Many people would travel, even from long distances, to stay in these places to receive answers or enlightenment. These temples had a set intention for visitors/seekers to clarify the outcome they wanted. Because of the focus and encouragement received from the temples, it’s said it’s not unusual to receive the specific message they looked for. Not all cultures and places had these temples, but it didn’t stop them from Dream Incubation. (More on that in a minute). The Egyptians wrote the questions they wanted on linen and tied it around the wrist while meditating. Some soaked it in oil and burned it with incense while praying. Then they went to sleep, expecting the answer.

As you know, these days you can’t go to your local supermarket and pass by a dream temple. But, dream incubation is still widely practiced. People still to this day to "program" their dreams.

Your Temple

When trying to induce your routine to practice dream incubation, it can be simple or complex. Whatever you find comfortable. The temple of yours can be anywhere you find comfortable and where you are willing to practice the routine. (Such as writing, scripting, daydreaming, etc). But the main idea is to focus on your desired message.

Here are a few steps:

•Choose your phrase

•Form a clear intention

•Prepare your mind

•Get comfy

•Relax

•Visualize your dream’s solution (Ex: reading it, having the advice handed to you, seeing the answer played out in your very own personal “dream drama.”)

•Think about your reaction to the answer

Incubating dreams

When incubating your dreams you need a pre-set idea. Where do you want to be? In what way do you want your answer given? What symbols represent this? Afterward, start daydreaming about it, try to feel whatever it is that would be around you. Choose phrases that will affirm that it’s what you will dream of. Repeat that as many times possible. Often reflect on how it would feel being there and when you wake up and log as usual. But because you are programming this yourself - there may be nothing to interpret. But it will induce what you wanted to see. (A/N. As I’m reading this book and typing these notes I'm realizing how close they were to figuring out the shifting process. I-. Bye-). But take this moment to think through what happened, there may have been a messaged slipped in.

Lucid Dreams (Fun Fact!)

Believe it or not, the earliest record of lucid dreaming was recorded in the 4th century B.C. This happened when Aristotle, himself, was writing his work ‘On Dreams.’ He said quote on quote “For often when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream.” In 1867 Hervey de Saint-Denys wrote “Dreams and How to Guide Them.” This book was intended to show you the techniques he used to achieve a state of realization.

To Lucid Dream

When you lucid dream, you can do anything you please when you realize it is nothing but a dream. So how can you tell if it's a lucid dream? How do you lucid dream? Well, there are multiple ways.

Record it.

Record what you remember. Like we talked about with a dream journal.

Power of suggestion.

Even a simple phrase that “I am aware I am dreaming.” Is simple enough! Repeat this during the day and at night.

Checking your reality.

A commonly favored thing is “reality checks.” This requires you to test your surroundings and ask if they are real or not. If you notice something is off, it’s possible you once played it off. But if you looked closer, it was a dream.

Look for inconsistencies.

It’s found that a few things do not remain consistent in a dream. For example lights, watches, the time, sounds, etc. Because these changes are not normal, you know it’s just a dream.

Now that there are tips to know if you’re in a dream; Here are some to help you practice lucid dreaming/become in the state.

Visualize your everyday life (when awake) like a dream! Convince yourself as every small thing is just a dream. Whenever you’re doing something, take a look around and think of it as a dream. Believe that everything you do can be changed because you will it. Daydreaming the small things have changed will help as well. The tree outside? It’s not dead. It’s in full bloom! These practices are intended to help you make conscious and unconscious choices.