#and my relationship with them hasnt always been great

[kurthorton-moving]

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[nolovelingers]

hi omg i loved ur hcs for ethan landry as ur bf <333 do you think you could write something like that, but for tate langdon, please?

TATE LANGDON AS YOUR BOYFRIEND ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧

ೄྀ࿐ requested ! ˊˎ-

headcanons — // cw ! : dark themes ,, obsessive tendencies,, nsfw !! similar to ethans i try to keep these as realistic as my silly little mind is able to think !! very toxic relationship 🌀 talk of self harm & smoking

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 SFW !!

TATE LANGDON AS YOUR BOYFRIEND . . . is like meeting someone who’s not like anyone you’ve ever met. there are no duplicates, copies or a person even remotely similar to the dark eyed boy.

there’s always been something about his odd personality that has a strange charm to it. he’s always held himself up to his own standards and even back before the entire westfield high situation he’s been very picky about his living style and the people he surrounds himself with.

so therefore when he met you, the stilled silence to his violent tornado, it was as if everything else in the world dimmed and the spotlight shone to you.

he would never leave you alone. not when you move rooms, not if you try to have people over, not when you stormed into the backyard and sat under the flickering moon as you desperately grasped for alone time. not even when you go to the bathroom.

the second he came into your life and you allowed him to, privacy no longer existed. the only time he would ever leave was if he had his own emergency to partake to or if your guardian(s) were around.

at first it was cute, you couldn’t really deny the fact that having a boyfriend so attached to the hip and dependent made your heart flutter in some sort of way. but you quickly learned that even as dreamy as it sounds it’s not all that great.

if you run to the bathroom and lock yourself inside the langdon boy is fast to follow suite, confused on where or what you were running from until he watched you shut the restroom door and he slid his back against it; knees brought up to his chest as he patiently waited for you to come back out. and trust me, he will wait. doesn’t matter if it’s hours or even half of the day. he won’t move an inch.

you hardly invite friends over but the few times you do you’re fast to regret it. you tell him your friends coming over, hoping he’ll take the hint to leave, and he’ll only blankly stare at you; face devoid of any emotion as he mutters a gentle ‘oh’ before returning to looking through your collections of whatever it is you have an abundance of. maybe books, cd’s, vinyls, comics, posters, crystals/rocks, stuffed animals, funky socks or a hoard of animal bones; there’s nothing in your room tate hasnt gotten his hands on.

even after you alert him of the approaching company unless you plan on shoving him out or repeatedly asking him to leave he doesn’t plan on going anywhere. he’s terrible at reading social cues and you have to spell out the simplest things for him.

he’s quick to judge your friends, not one of them is good enough for you in his mind and he’ll be sure to voice that. sometimes even straight to their face; with a blank expression and no emotion behind his eyes. it doesn’t matter how close or how long you’ve known someone, could even be your whole life, they’re not good for you like he is.

he often says the most terrible and disgusting things about them to your face, judging you heavily for the people you hang around and making you feel insecure.

he is definitely the type to drive wedges in between all of your relationships. just with your friends at first but as the relationship furthers he begins to do the same to your family too.

obviously he can’t leave the house but if there was ever a time you ranted about someone you dislike, hurt your feelings or overall anything spoken poorly about them he would remember it till halloween and carefully map out their murder. i mean, you wanted them to die right? why else would you tell him about it?

tate is extremely oblivious to your emotions. he loves you so much and it’s clear to him you must be meant for each other. so no matter how you feel back, reciprocated or not tate would assume you liked him too. he refuses to be in the friend zone and throws a hissy fit if you ever even try.

as we all known he’s one of the prettiest criers out there and this is very useful when it comes to manipulating. he knows you have a weak spot for seeing his tears and now anytime you try to lecture him, kick him out or he feels as though you’re not understanding his (rather malicious) side of the story the tears are quick to fall. but the tricky thing here is that they are always real tears of sadness and regret; it’s just as though he’s reprogrammed himself to cry at any minor inconvenience.

his favorite cuddle position is spooning and he often likes to be the little spoon. no one in his life has ever cared for him enough (or at least in his eyes they haven’t), and when you have your arms securely around him, pulling him into you; it’s like heaven on earth. he feels so safe, warm and comforted. there are of course days where the rolls switch but there’s really no denying he prefers to be the one being spooned.

id definitely say he’s a sort of pathological liar and even when he doesn’t mean for it to happen lies fall from his mouth as easy as tears stream from his eyes. it could be about the stupidest shit or it could be actually serious as he tries to work his way out of a situation he’s actually at fault for.

this makes it really hard to trust him, because it’s eerily scary how easy it is for him to lie straight to your face with even blinking, or come up with excuses on the spot. i know people like to claim they’re usually good at picking up when people are lying to them but with tate it’s a huge challenge. he’s unnaturally good at it and doesn’t hesitate.

it’s not easy to pick up on his fibs in the moment but there are a few times you’re able to realize later on; as his stories don’t add up or he forgot his lie in the first place and comes up with a completely different one when asked the same question from before.

and even then once he gets caught; deny deny deny. you’re the one in the wrong for accusing him of something like that when he just has a poor memory and suddenly you’re the bad guy for pointing fingers even though you’re the one with evidence and he just throws out empty accusations.

if you smoke i think he’d love to break into your stash a lot, he didn’t use weed before his death but once you introduce him i see him as a sort of mini-stoner. he’ll use your stuff without even asking. he kind of contradicts himself in that way because for the most part when he was still living he thought people who smoked or drank were stupid, ruining their body. he looked down on them. when you’re dead though you cant really destroy your body and though he still doesn’t like drinking he’ll indulge in smoking.

if you do any sort of after school activity or club he’ll encourage you to quit, telling you how it’s all stupid and a waste of time that you could be spending together. if you refuse he’ll try to sabotage it for you the best he can while being confined to the house. maybe sending a nasty email to your teacher/coach or by ruining a uniform or equipment you use.

there’s definitely times when he’s asked you to drop out of highschool to which you immediately declined and there’s not really much else he could do about this nuisance.

langdon will put you onto his likes and interests, music or movies he has a taste for. he’ll try the stuff you like as well but he’s quick to judge and doesn’t do second thoughts or tries. if he doesn’t like it he won’t even pretend to and will harsh out negative reviews before you turn it off. and then he’ll act confused on why you suddenly stopped it but he’s very glad you did. he couldn’t stand it.

and because of this when you’re hanging out it’s all about what tate wants to do. the music he wants to play. the things he wants to talk about and the films he wants to watch.

jealousy is a major problem for him and the mention of really anyone, but especially if it’s a guy, will have his blood pumping and his head spinning.

to him, he only has you. it should be the same way around, he absolutely hates that you have and know other people that aren’t just him.

tw? — if you ever try to leave him he goes all out and puts on the most dramatic show you’ve literally ever seen. throwing himself against walls, screaming and crying his eyes out, burying his head in his knees and clutching at his hair while begging and pleading for you to stay. he doesn’t get angry at all but turns more pathetic and desperate as he clings onto you. lots of “ill do better”, “you can’t leave me”, “tell me what I did wrong” and “you’re all I have”’s leaving his lips. if this doesn’t work he’ll harm himself in front of you, smashing his head against the wall or even using a sharp tool to cut into his arm while only asking one thing. “is this what you want?”

tw? — it’s a very draining relationship and can impact your mental space a lot. if you self harm he will catch you eventually, whether it’s while in the act or the scars/scabs from after. he’ll grab your arm (not assuming that’s where you sh, just so he has a grip on you), asking you how you could be so selfish (which is his way of caring) and then asking you to cut him instead anytime you wanted to hurt yourself. this is obviously off putting and drives a wedge between you for a while, which he will trap you back by guilting you and apologizing. (even though he was completely serious when asking and still is.)

the blonde haired boy lives for your validation. he’s constantly asking for reassurance and pestering you with loads of questions. whether if it’s if you like his outfit to if you still had feelings for him or not.

he’s a huge listener than he is a talker and could sit for hours, happily criss crossed and a toothless and content smile on his face while you go on about every little detail of your day.

he’s definitely asked you to do his eyeliner before but would rather die (again) than have anything else applied to his skin. it would cripple his masculinity.

overall he’s very touchy, craving for any contact he can get with you. resting his head on your shoulder, holding hands, his hand on your thigh or pinkies intwined. he always has to be touching you in some way.

recommending books and songs are one of his all time favorite things to do and he does expect you to read or listen to all of his suggestions. he’ll ask you about it a few days later after initially suggesting it and will get upset if you still haven’t looked into it.

tate hardly gets angry, he’s very sensitive as we all know and most of the time it ends in his hysterical sobs; but when the fire inside him lights it’s terrifying.

if you weren’t the one to make him angry you’d usually be okay, he’d rant about it to you while you played with his hair; describing all of the horrendous ways he wanted to see the person or thing he’s mad at crash and burn. if he’s angry at you it’s like he moves on his own, putting you in a chokehold and slamming you against the wall, yelling and pointing fingers at you. pushing items off your desks/dressers/shelf’s and you make him go away; scared of him hurting you. he wouldn’t, not intentionally, but it was a very scary sight to see.

of course within hours he’d return, tears streaming down his face and begging on his knees for your forgiveness, arms latched around your legs as he sobbed into them and refused to let go until you forgave him.

as much as he loves you and wants you to be together forever, he would never purposefully go to the extent of killing you in the house so you could stay with him forever at the age you are. it sucks, he knows it sucks, but he does have a boundary set for that. he doesn’t want you stuck there for the rest of your life. he’s just hoping you’ll stay in that house with him willingly anyway. he’d let you go after crying his heart out for days, but he’d never let you forget him or move on. and being honest; he would probably start to regret the decision.

his love for you goes beyond words, it consumes him completely. he knows now his purpose. the day he died in that house and the years that passed waiting up to the day he met you.

he was made for loving you, in his own sick way. you are his entire heart.

NSFW !!

tate is a switch in the bedroom, but he’s so easy to dominate which makes him lead towards being more submissive. of course he’ll be in his dominant moods, there’s no doubt, but it’s laughable how easy it is to take control back over him.

he loves to overstimulate you, fucking you or relentlessly giving you head for hours, not giving you rest inbetween as you beg for him to stop through shattered moans.

(if you’re a female) — we all know about his mommy issues and he definitely incorporates that into the bedroom in some ways.

(if you’re a female) — he’s a tits man rather than ass and anytime you’re going at it your shirt has to be off, he doesn’t care what size breasts you have all he wants is to attach his mouth around your nipples and tease them with his tongue, sucking lightly before leaving hickeys all over them.

(if you’re a female) — he has the best fuck me eyes the worlds ever seen and when he’s bottoming he can’t stop himself from calling you ‘mama’.

he’s very kinky, and he has put on the infamous leather suit before to fuck you. it makes him feel more powerful, like he’s in control.

when he’s topping he’ll have one hand pinning one of your arms above your hand while using his other to interlace your fingers, crying into your neck with all the pleasure he’s feeling.

he’s not the greatest on cleaning up afterwords but he always snuggles you, cuddling up to you in a ball and resting his head soundly on your chest as his breathing slows and he drifts off.

but the most important thing to know — tate is godly at sex. he doesn’t have the most experience in the world but he definitely wasn’t a virgin by the time you met and he knows what he’s doing.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ a/n : thank you sm for requesting , made my day !! i hope that this is to your liking, i appreciate the compliment ab my ethan headcanon i tried my best <33. my inbox is open to all !!

started 08.06.23. finished 08.07.23.

©️nolovelingers 2023

[k4ychiko]

How would look cultists (Old faith) Look in your Cotl band au? And bishops? And how they Role change?

I NEED ANSWERS

Heres their full ref sheet!

Ive made a bunch of doodles and art (under the #cotl band au tag) but i'll be planning to make more art of them! Theyre very dear to me..

I'll write some stuff down here about the characters

Keep in mind this au is not related to scott pilgrim 😭😭 just cus i drew lamb in that poster doesnt correlate to the show pls thank you!!

So since its a modern au, Some stuff might not be similar to the original lore in the game such as the bishops injury and what not lol

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Shamura - multi purpose

They learned to play a lot of instruments at a very young age, and passed their talent to their siblings. Shamura thought of teaching them only as a hobby, not fully knowing well that they'd form a band.

Shamura couldn't finish their education because they needed to be the one providing for their younger siblings. They work as a tailor.

But despite it all Shamura is still very wise and smart.

Shamura is 31.

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Kallamar - keyboard and backup

kallamar's voice has always been my favourite because of how soft and melodic it sounded in the game. So not only is he a keyboardist, but also a backing vocalist too.

He's in a polyamorous marriage. Two wives and 1 husband. (Kallamar also has a son.)

And because of his family, kallamar couldn't attend in majority of their band practices

He's hard of hearing. Knows sign language.

Kallamar is 27.

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Heket - bass

Heket can speak, but prefers to appear mute to the audience.

She speaks using sign language. Everyone in the band knows sign lanuage.

Heket is currently in college learning mechanical engineering.

She's bisexual. And currently dating someone. (Not revealing who just yet)

Sozo and Heket are very good friends. Enjoying tea time together and talking a lot of things. Mostly about mushrooms and family.

She's 22.

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Leshy - drummer

Leshy and yellow cat (named Fian in this au) are dorm roommates and best friends. Some believe they are more than friends.

All his chaotic energy and anger goes to banging on those drums. Shamura thought it was meant to be.

Leshy studies biology. People didnt believe him when he revealed he's one of the top students in his college.

He has a really good memory. Memorized the drums layout immediately after losing his vision.

Hes 20.

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Narinder - lead guitarist

Dropped out of college to focus on the band. Bad decision really.

Aym and Baal were the only nerdy fans to get close and have a sweet relationship with nari. Like he's their uncle.

Narinder and Lamb used to date when they were 20. They broke up because of miscommunication (and many more reasons). they are in good terms 3 years later.

Lamb had moved on from their relationship, but nari hasnt.

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Lamb - Lead singer

Lamb can do a death metal scream, dont let that innocent look fool you.

They were recruited in the band by narinder and became the leader.

Ratau adopted Lamb

Lamb's songs are somewhat religious and has a cult vibe. But sometimes they focus about relationships and struggles.

Lamb and Goat are really great best friends. Maybe even more than best friends.

-

If u guys wanna know more feel free to ask me!

[i-shouldnt-have-called]

you better wise up kid. (part 3)

paring: Matty healy x daughter!reader

tw: rehab, addiction, poor mental health, mentions of self harm (not graphic)

p1, p2, p3,

an: this is a long one, my b send in requests plssss

Youve been doing great. You were still clean, your grades were good, you made some new friends, all things considered your life was good. You slowly got your freedom back, you could hang out with your friends as long as you were home by certain times and you didn't have to always be under constant supervision. Things were looking up and then one day your father delivered the big news, he and Gabi were engaged.

You were thrilled when you learned that Matty and Gabi were getting married, you were surprised but still happy. You never thought that your dad would get married. Sure you were happy for them but there was a little voice in the back of your head telling you that you should be worried. That this is the start of a new family, a family that wouldn't have room for you. You felt like a burden, a product of a one night stand. You knew that your father loved you, you knew that Gabi loved you and you loved them too.But you managed to talk yourself into believing that you made their lives harder. Your father never asked for you, yet he got stuck with you, a teenager with a drug problem. You thought that you had caused your father too much pain. You thought your dad would want a fresh start, to be able to forget his other relationships and be happy in his new life. But as long as you were in the picture, he couldn't start his new life. You were the only thing preventing him from moving on. You were the only barrier between your father and happiness. 

The rational part of you knew that was a lie, but the other part of you was really really good at making you believe. You started to distance yourself from them, just in case. You talked yourself into believing what was in your head and now there was no turning back. You started to hang out with your friends more, sleeping over at george and charlis whenever you could. You planned out every second of every day to minimize interaction with your father. You figured its what he wanted. You filled your schedule as much as you could, you joined new clubs, started practicing more, just anything you could to keep yourself out of the house, to keep yourself out of the way. 

On the rare occasion that you and your father would be home at the same time you would do what you could to stay out of the way. You stopped leaving your shoes by the door, took your blanket off the couch in the living room, you slowly were erasing yourself from the house.The only way you could tell that a 15 lived in the house was the pictures and the white board calendar that hung on the fridge. 

Your dad just thought you were just doing normal teen things. That's what kids do when they get older right? Matty didn't realize things were wrong until Gabi brought it up when they were getting ready for bed one night. 

“Y/n isn't ok, matty”

“What do you mean? Nothings wrong with y/n”

“She's been so distant lately, its like we never see her.”

“Well part of that is probably because I've been at the studio more so our schedules just don't line up. It's always this way when we work on an album. She's a teenager, that's what teens do.”

“When's the last time we all ate dinner together, when's the last time where you’ve actually had a conversation with her matty, and i mean a real conversation! One where she actually talks, not just shrugs off questions and offers mumbly one word answers.”

Matty looks at the ground trying to figure out how to respond but gabi beats him to it. 

“Matty, she's your daughter, not some roommate who you only see once every couple days as they head out the door! This isn't normal and I know I haven't known y/n all that long, but I know her well enough to know that this is not the y/n who's happy. This is the y/n who is hiding from something, she hasnt been like this since before rehab, matty.”

Matty tenses up at the mention of your stay at rehab “Ok, ill talk to her in the morning.”

Gabi looks at your father hoping that he realizes that there's something going on with you and that it needs to end. “I want our girl back matty.”

“I do too.” 

They both go to bed, but matty cant sleep now. Hes decides to go down to the kitchen and make some tea to help him fall back asleep. As he walks down the stairs to the kitchen he starts to view the house in a new light. He realized that almost all traces of you were gone. Your backpack wasn't in its usual spot, but the more he thought about it he realized it hadnt been there in a while. Once he got into the kitchen and started the kettle for his tea he thought about what he had to do the next day. As he glanced at the fridge calendar he realized that you had stopped adding your activities, and in that moment he knew that gabi was right.

It had been weeks since you asked him or Gabi for a ride to school or practice, whenever he asked you if you needed a ride or if you wanted him to take you, you would just mumble something about a friend giving you a ride or that you felt like walking. Matty felt like shit, how had he not noticed that something was going on, he was your dad for fucks sake its his job to take care of you. The guilt quickly transformed into worry, he knew something was wrong but he just didn't know what. 

Your father remembered what it was like the first time he got back from rehab, how it was easier to distance yourself than to confront the people around you. Even the people who loved you could never look at you the same again, it feels as if you were nothing more than damaged goods. Matty saw the similarities between his path and yours and it broke his heart. Matty knew firsthand that isolation is one step closer to falling off the wagon. Your dad didn't get any more sleep that night, in fact he didn't even make it back upstairs. He just sat in the dark kitchen with his tea hoping to god that whatever was happening wasnt that big of a deal. 

Gabi woke up to your fathers side of the bed empty, but she wasnt that surprised. Gabi walks to the kitchen to see your father sitting in the kitchen with his computer open working away. 

“Whatcha workin on?”

“Uh couldn't sleep last night but i had an idea for a song so i wrote some stuff down.”

Gabi opens her mouth to respond but sees you silently walking past the kitchen trying to get out the door on your way to school. “Y/n wait a sec”

Gabi knows you have a bit before u have to leave for school so she wants you to just be around them for at least a few minutes.  You slowly turn around and slump back towards the kitchen, once you get there u dont look gabi or your father in the eye you just observe. Thats all you do anymore, you dont engage when your at home, you just watch.

Gabi just wants to know that your ok, that your eating enough, that your happy, that you havent completely checked out. “Do you want some breakfast”

“No thank you, i put a granola bar in my bag last night.” 

Gabi hesitantly nods “Ok, but i can make you something quick if you want, i was planning on some toast for myself already? Or I can give you a ride to school or im sure matty could.”

“Um no thank you, im fine with what i have and i was planning on walking. I should probably leave” 

“Oh ok. Well, have a good day ok?”

You don't offer more than a silent nod as you walk out the door. Your father still hasn't looked up from his computer, he's worried, but he wants to believe that you're ok. If he looks at you he's worried that he will be forced to confront the cruel reality in front of him. Matty looks at Gabi and hopes that she can make it go away, that she can bring back the old you. 

“You said you were gonna talk to her, you said you were gonna make sure she was ok matty.”

Matty closes his computer and rubs his forehead. “I….i don't know what to say. Last night I realized how much she was pulling away and it hurt gabi. Its like she isn't even real anymore, she….. She's never actually here, and  when she's physically here she just checks out. I haven't had an actual conversation with her in weeks. I know i need to do something, but what do you say to your daughter who won't talk back? 

“Just something matty, sit her down and talk. She cant disappear if you dont let her.”

“Cant you help me?”

“I’ll always help you matty, but I think that as her father you're the one who needs to have this conversation with her, you understand her the best.”

“I used to understand her gabi. I understand y/n, but i don't understand this new y/n. I miss when she was little, when I didn't have to worry about her staying clean. I miss not having to worry about her trying to hurt herself, I miss the old y/n but she can't come back gabi, she’ll always be gone.”

“It’s ok to miss the old y/n but you have to be proud of how far she's come matty. Its been almost 5 months since shes gotten back, and she's managed to stay clean. That takes guts matty, and you should know that. If you keep focusing on what she used to be then thats just gonna keep hurting both of you .”

Matty nods “ok, i'll talk to her tonight”

“Thank you matty.” Gabi says as she talks to Marty's hand in her own. “Its gonna be ok”

At school you can finally breathe, you talk a little more and just let yourself be alive. Your plans are working, you're slowly erasing any trace of you from the house, you're making it so that one day it will be like your not even there, and when that day comes, your parents can finally be happy. You've been clean for over 5  months. Well you've been a type of clean, you haven't taken drugs but you needed a way to numb the pain still. Your thoughts had always been too much and the pills were your way out, but now that you didn't have those, you had to turn to other things. 

And those other things was the box cutter you stole from a drawer in your dads office. You thought that this was better, that you where in control. To you it was this or relapse, but you couldn't see that this was just as bad. You can feel the cool metal of the box cutter in your pocket and in some fucked up sick way, it comforts you. You know that should probably shouldnt do this, you knew that this is replacing one thing for another but what are you supposed to do. The pains still there, you need a way to stop it and this seems like your best choice.

You get home from school later than you typically do. You notice your father in the living room and try to sneak past him to get to the stairs, but he stops you before you make it. 

“Hey kiddo, come sit with me, yeah?”

You refuse to turn in his direction and instead take a step closer to the stairs. “I..i uh have homework i need to finish.”

“Youve had alot of homework lately.”

“I missed alot of school this year, just trying to catch up.”

“Ive been talking to your teachers and they told me that you were doing good. That you finished your makeup work weeks ago.”

“Are you mad at me for trying to get good grades?” trying your best to keep the anxiousness out of your voice, instead replacing it with the careless nonchalant persona that youve perfected over the years.

Your father has gotten better at figuring out your lies in the past year. “Sit down.” 

You set your bag by the stairs and sit down on the couch, your gaze still refusing to meet your father's eyes. 

“Whats been going on with you lately? We hardly see you anymore and the rare occasion that we do interact its like your not even there, like your just trying to find a way to get out of the conversation.”

“Nothins been going on, weve both been busy. I have school and therapy and youre always in the studio. Its just what happens when were busy, its always been like this.”

“It hasnt though. Sure when ive got an album in the works things change a bit but never this much. You still typically dont shut yourself off from everyone., and its not just me whos noticed this, everyone has y/n.”

“I think thats a bit of an exaggeration….” 

“No its not. Its the truth. George and charli who typically see you almost every other day are complaining to me about how you wont answer there calls, how they havent seen you in almost two weeks. Adam says that you havent been over to see the baby in almost a month and a half, and ross misses you in the studio.” 

You dont know how to respond, so you just sit there keeping your gaze on the floor hoping that something comes to mind.

“You have to talk to me y/n, this is how this works. Dont tell me that you didnt think i’d realize that your drifting away. You can hardly tell that you live here anymore! Theres no trace of you in this house. Why y/n, why?

“Because I needed to.”

“What do you mean you needed to, why on earth would you need to start ignoring your family?!”

“It's because I wanted you to be happy, ok!”

Matty turns his head towards the window and scoffs. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Why would you want me here dad? Ive done nothing but make your life harder, you didn't ask for a child but you got stuck with me. You and gabi deserve to be happy, you worked hard to have a good life, and i cant be part of that life.” 

The more you speak the more you see the pain present on your father's face. “Y/n healy, absolutely not. I know you're a smart kid but that's just plain stupid.”

You cant even look at your father, all of your energy is going into trying to prevent yourself from crying because you don't know if you can handle that right now. “I’ve made your life so hard, dad. You didnt ask for such a fucked up kid. You got stuck with an addict as a daughter, and now the last six months of your life have been hell! You can't be happy when I'm here dad!” 

Your efforts to hold back your tears have failed and you can feel the warmth of them as they stream down your face. You meet your fathers eyes for the first time since the conversation started and you notice that hes crying just as much as you are. Your dad is at a loss for words, he hates that you're so much like him, so much to the point that you refuse to accept that people love you, you allow yourself to believe that you're a burden to the people you love. Your father watches as you take a step closer to the stairs. 

“I promise you it would be easier if i wasnt here. I promise dad.” 

Your father tries to stop you as you walk up the stairs, but he cant form any words. He just stands there and lets the tears stream down his face, he barely registers you grabbing your backpack, sliding on your coat and slipping out the front door. 

He manages to make his way to the couch, where he sits and wonders how he didnt notice. He dosent really register gabi opening the door and setting her keys on the couch. 

Gabi notices how theres no lights on in the living room but still manages to make out your fathers figure slouched over on the couch. 

"Matty?" Gabi's voice is softer now, filled with concern as she approaches him, but Matty doesn't respond immediately. His head is buried in his hands, his shoulders trembling with the weight of guilt and sadness.

"Matty, what's going on?" Gabi sits beside him, her hand resting on his back, feeling the cold tension in his body.

"I… I fucked up, Gabi. I didn't see it. I didn’t see how bad it was. I let her slip away, and now… now I don't know where she is."

Gabi’s heart tightens as she listens to him, her own thoughts racing. She had known something wasn’t right, but she hadn’t realized just how deep the pain ran for you. 

“Matty, you’re not the only one at fault here. Y/n… she’s been battling things that you couldn’t have seen. She’s hurting, too. But she needs you, just like you need her.”

Matty shakes his head. "I thought she was okay. I thought I could give her space. I thought if I just let her be, she’d come around. But instead, she pulled away further. She feels like she’s not enough, like she’s a burden to me. I don’t know how to fix this. How do I fix this, Gabi?"

Gabi’s eyes well up with tears as she watched him unravel, and for a moment, she just holds him, offering the comfort he’s desperate for.

 "You don't have to fix it all at once. But you do need to go after her, Matty. Go find her. Don't wait. She needs to know you're there, that you haven’t given up on her."

"I can't lose her," he whispers hoarsely.

"You won’t. But you have to show her that, Matty. She’s a kid, scared and lost. And she’s still your daughter. You’ve been through it, and now you need to be there for her, to show her she’s not alone."

Matty nods, the determination beginning to build inside him. He stands up, wiping his face. "I’ll go after her. I have to. She won’t be alone."

Gabi watches him with a soft, sad smile. “I know you will. Just remember, she needs you to be real with her. Don’t hide behind what you think she needs. She needs to know she can trust you, that she’s loved, no matter what.”

Matty takes a deep breath, wiping the last of the tears away, and walks toward the door. His heart is pounding, but he knows what he has to do.

You’re sitting on the curb a few blocks from home, your coat wrapped tightly around you, your arms crossed. The chilly air bites at your skin, but you don’t care. The numbness in your chest is so much colder. Maybe your dad and Gabi could finally live the life they deserved.

You pull out the box cutter from your pocket, your fingers grazing the sharp edge, but before you can make another move, a voice breaks through the fog of your thoughts.

“Y/n.”

You freeze, heart skipping a beat. Slowly, you turn around, and there, standing a few feet away, is your father. His face is filled with a mix of pain, worry, and something else—something you haven’t seen in a long time. Love.

“Dad…” You whisper his name, feeling the lump form in your throat.

Matty doesn’t move closer immediately. He’s not sure if that’s what you need right now, but his eyes are fixed on you, and his voice is steady, though there’s a vulnerability you’ve never heard before.

“I’m here, okay? I’m here. I dont want you to go, i cant handle that y/n.”

His voice cracks, and that’s when the floodgates open. The tears you’ve been holding back spill over, the emotions you’ve buried for months finally breaking free. You take a step toward him, and Matty doesn't hesitate—he pulls you into his arms, holding you tight as if he’s afraid you’ll slip away again.

“I’m sorry,” you choke out, your words barely comprehensible through your sobs. “I thought… I thought I was just making things better by staying away. Youll be happier when im gone, ok? I promised you.”

“Y/n, no, listen to me,” Matty says, his grip tightening around you. “You’re never a burden to me. I don’t care about anything else. I care about you. And I know I’ve fucked up, but I’m not going to let you go through this alone. You don’t ever have to hide from me. You’re my daughter, and I love you. And I’m so fucking proud of you. I don’t care if you're struggling. You’re still the same Y/n to me, the one who never gave up. And I won’t give up on you.”

"What about Gabi? She’s been really good to me. She deserves to be happy, Dad. You both do."

He lets out a long breath, his hand still gently resting on your shoulder. "Gabi does deserve happiness. And you know what? You’re a part of that. I’m not going to pretend like I’ve got all the answers, but one thing I do know is that she loves you like her own. She’s been worried about you, too, Y/n. And so have I."

You wince at the thought of causing more pain for them. "I didn’t mean to… I just thought if I made myself disappear, I could make things easier for you guys."

Matty’s face softens, his voice steady and reassuring. “Y/n, you are never the problem. Not now, not ever. You’re my daughter. And no matter what happens, we’ll figure it out as a family. You don’t have to fix everything by yourself, okay?”

The sincerity in his eyes is enough to finally make the knot in your throat loosen. You nod, but there's still hesitation in your voice."I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”.

"You haven’t hurt me," your dads voice is firm yet soft, like he’s trying to erase the weight of the years of self-doubt you’ve carried. "You’ve hurt, but not me. You’ve been fighting your own battles, and I should’ve seen that. I should’ve been there sooner."

"I didn't want to be a burden”

"Stop. You're not a burden. You’re my daughter. I’m not going anywhere. And neither is Gabi. We’re all in this together. You don’t have to push us away anymore. Just… come back home, yeah?"

Your eyes start to tear up again, but this time it's not out of shame, it's relief. You feel like you're finally able to breathe. "I missed you, Dad. I really did.”

Matty reaches over and pulls you into another hug, this one tighter than before. "I missed you too, Y/n. And I’m so sorry. I should’ve noticed. I’m here now, though. For everything."

You both sit there for a while, just holding onto each other, the world outside fading away for a moment .As you walk back toward the house with your father by your side, something inside you shifts. The weight of the past feels a little less heavy, and maybe, just maybe, you can start to rebuild what was broken. You’re not alone anymore. And for the first time in a long time, you feel like that’s enough, But the weight of the box cutter in your pocket reminds you that it isnt gonna last.

[loloelia]

Hasnt it been a while since i posted art ?

Ive not been dead but ive been quiet ,with not art :p

I realy wanna try and post more art or wips or whatever i can !!!!

Dont count on me posting a lot ,but ill try my best!!!!

Lots of rambles down below !!!!

Alright im just gonna make some organisation stuff here

Fifth sibling

Im gonna take a while to make the first chapter because i always struggled with that , if wont be on Ao3 ,i wanted to try but i really just cant ,in my head ive been planning the story ,some plot point and while its not great its a start

Comic wise ,ill try and do some but dont hold your breath for them ,because i procrastinate a lot ,but im always trying m'y best to make stuff !!!! (The one i have planned will be first sent to my mutuals because i wanna stay safe on the internet ,and you never know!)

When its comes to normal art ,ive been thinking about some pieces ,for exemple one that id like to do that is inspired by a beautiful piece of my dear mutuals(sorry for the tag) @scared-lantern ,its Slight's sanctuary , while Eko doesn't have a temple ,nor cult ,ive been wanting to do a piece of a place they love to go to , i might also make some Narinder and Eko art because i havent talked much about these two despite them being quite interesting , one that i really have been wanting to do is about Shamura and Eko ,these two need to be talked about more !:D I might do some quick sketches of places that are important or that i like (eko's "room" in shamura's room ,and well shamura's room lmao ,might do leshy's temple too,maybe ,possibly)

The promises of death

(aka my basic au)

No writing planned for this one thank gods ,but i should talk about it more i think :p

I have a LOT of comics i want to do ,well like.... Around 3, but that's a lot to me! :^ one to show how its starts ,one for Narinder's developpement in the cult , lamb's relationship with everyone(forneus,chemach and everyone else !),and some other i forgot about but ill find them !

For art pieces ,i dont have anything ,those ideas come and go and i dont have a good memory ,but pieces might be posted sometimes or not idk :/ ill make some sketches of the cult grounds ,lamb's tent,the temple ,and the work room of the lamb !

Sweet ocs

By that i do mean Spooder, Snuggly,Hannah and Hazel ,no writing for them planned either , but i could talk about how they came to be if im bored enough

More comics !!!!!!! Spooder has quite a bunch of stuff weirdly enough ,one where this spider acts stupid and goes to learn about WTF ichor is (aka my excuse of why i dont draw his fourth pair of limbs), another one to explain how this kid managed to live for almost a thousand years , annnnnd one that's more about the state of the world after Narinder's tantrum,but Spooder is my only oc who was alive back then , also *ahem* @alllgator-blood you know what's coming for you 🫵(its been a wips for like .....6 month lmao) Snuggly too has some comics ,mostly him being a lil brat with everyone around him ,but maybe ill do one of his back story ,will do one for Hannah though , and id like to do one about the two interacting, now Hazel has only two comics as of now ,one about her meeting with kudaii and another of her being a angsty 17 year old lmao

Wow that's long

Maybe ill do some art piece mostly silly ones for fun so yeah :/ but ! I will do new ref sheets because the old one sucks ass>:(

Lives-long nightmare (aka my goat au)

HAHAHAH never talked about this one yet !!!!!!>:)

Ill try and write some info about the state of the world and stuff but nothing else i think:)

Two comics for now !!!!! One of goat and Narinder's equivalent in this world(i dont wanna spoil even if its obvious) and the other is about the goat travelling to the lamb's world !:)

Ill do a bunch of art for sure !!!! The designs first ,then Silly ones ,and a lot of stuff thatll come to me later

Also would you look at that one of my ocs made it and became important enough to make it to the story guess who ?.....yeah its Hazel she'll be important to the plot she wont be mentioned by name but shell be there.....well not alive but still here she might get some art and a few panels long comic about her and kuddai because thats what's important to the story.

Alright i think that's it !!!

I should be more active now !!!!

If i tagged you while you didn't want to tell me ill take it away :(

But that's it ive been nervous about this but now its posted so eh

[kevotsuka]

rafannadal matchvedev here PLEASE your tags on that jerez video... i definitely think marcs feelings towards pecco and luca are Different compared to marco? pecco esp with his racing in emilios moto3 team and teammates with alex and everything, and luca bc hes... known him for a while, hasnt he...... vales baby brother......... UGH GOD anyway hes known them both for soooo long and much more closely than bezz, right, so i def think where bezz counts as full-fledged academy member One Of Vales Boys, he kinda Missed important... developments... and im sure hes been Filled In but also. hm. pecco and luca def def def... special.......... i always remember that interview marc did where he was asked what his relationship with pecco, bezz and luca is like and he said great with pecco and luca and didnt even mention marco 😭 literally forgets about him all the time, it feels like, and then bezz didnt really make the greatest effort to be Friendly, has he... apart from liking one million of marcs insta posts up until the divorce happened 😭😭😭 and now what, for a decade bezz has been icy but marc is supposed to care about him? never. he has REASON to care for pecco and luca and even franky, but bez?

@rafannadal matchvedev ,one or dearest tumblrlinas of this site ... You're so right and all your words are soo real

i have so many feelings for cev pecco and marc and they interactions, Pequito looking at Marc with stars in his eyes, to shy to ask for anything but still around him in the box in case of Marc decided talk to him. Marc who see Pecco and 'ow, he's good, he would become better in the future', his future teammate now

and Luca, little honda fan Luca who watches how they take marc since the begging of his career and maybe think 'i can dream with that? i hope one day...' like Vale doesn't ruin every bridge to honda for him (this is related and parallel to the Alex M/Yamaha saga to). Luca who never really ended up in the middle of the divorce, unlike Alex who had to physically push people away to protect his brother Luca always saying nice things about Marc (the Ducati thing? Like he said it just because is a little shit who loves drama, but was a choice and he take it) and Marc chose don't be like Valentino or his people have a part of my heart

And then we have Bez . 'who?' in Marc's books. Bezz who was growing up, he take a side and wants to die for it in the way teens would die for they beliefs and never think about it after that. Bezz who watches Marc win unfairly, because he ruined Vale career, so everything good happen to him would happen to Vale instead.

Bez who wasn't worry about Marc's lession and probably think 'he deserves that' with a bit of more malice than he knows he have inside of him. The honda slowly trying to kill Marc's makes him forgot how good he really is

Bez now is a adult but he never questioned the divorce before, about the evil, the horror bedtime story that Uccio tells to warn them about Marquez. But now he knows Marc, at least one part of him, that one who doesn't feed the press telling what happen that day. He could ruins Marco, but chose don't and that maybe change something, or maybe was when Marco watches him with a good bike again at the point he's LEARNING from him-

and then we have Marc who barely know this fucking guy who yelled at him at one of the most emotional days of his career, the pain of his arm with the last day with his FAMILY in a race who was ruined for someone else and he can't really be angry for that, but Bez?

'no voy a perder tiempo con ese personaje' and he is committed whit it. He don't think about that guy, he barely respond his words and act like bez doesn't exist when he can. For someone like Bez who lives for being recognized

And is all Bez fault, i think is beautiful <3

[sakotisssss]

ranking of yugotalia ships?

im gonna do the most common ones + some rare pares

serbcro

sorry so basic but it’s just too good. they both are just so toxic it actually ends up working. they match each other’s freak but not in a good way. but it’s very interesting and i like thinking about how different their dynamic would be at different points of history. its different than serbbos because there isnt a clear power dynamic and i think they are both equally fucked up but in different ways. they dislike each other, but partily because they're way more similar than you'd think. to both of their dismay, they can understand each other in ways no one else can. this is only if its done right, i dont wanna see drazen as the twink and vuk as super manly. thats just not them.

2. serbmace

this is the only serbia ship (and general yugo ship) i dont see as insanely toxic. i think it would only be a short time thing, probably during the balkan wars before ww1 but generally they have good relations and i think vuk would enjoy being the protector and mace being protected. but i also think she's the only one that can make him shut up. its just so cute, both of them having like a small crush on each other throughout time and i think they'd work well.

3. croslo/serbmonte

im putting them in the same catagory because i feel kind of the same way about both of them. i think these are two ships that historically would work great, with cro and slo growing up together and monte always kind of wanting to be "one" with serbia. however, i feel both monte and slo are just fed up with the two of them in the modern day and do not get along at all. but the reason its not higher up is because i feel like this works better as a sort of sibling type of relationship rather than romantic. a lot of the times monte and slo cant stand serb/cro but at the end of the day they grew up together and both cro and serb kind of consider them their only genuine friend. still one of my favorite dynamics to read about

4.

sloserb

this ship is hilarious i support it. i lowkey feel the same about bosslo

4. bosherze

okay unpopular opinion, i know i know. i really do like the ship, i think its really cute especially in ottoman times with enis trying to constantly rizz up idriza and eventually her falling for him. i like how he's overly affectionate and she secretly loves it. he def wants to be the protector but idriza really is. but WOW is this ship toxic, especially in modern day, and in a more tragic way. the fact that they really dont like each other nowdays just doesnt sit right with me, and the bad beef between them is quite recent and personal. its intresting tho, two people that were forced together and ended up falling for each other only to be torn apart 30 years ago and now back to really disliking the other but still forced to be together. its genuinaly tragic, but i think its probably the ship that is the funniest. the scenerios of them make me laugh so hard, this ship is like a black comedy. both of them deserve better as enis just hasnt really been ever treated right and idriza literally has to run the entire house and gets no credit for it (ofc she's bitter). fr its the parents that should have divorced a long time ago.

5. monteherz

@danidandandadididan put me on to this and im obsessed. they would be such a better match, but history just didnt let that happen. sad.

6. montemace

ehhhh

7. monteslo

tall masc guy with tiny twink. boring and overdone. next.

8. crobos

no, would not work. they literally cant go two seconds without backstabbing each othe and its just ehhh. their friendship is really funny though

9. serbos

no, just no. unlike serbcro, where they've both traumatized each other, serbos is just a complete power imbalence. they have a lot of bad blood, and unlike serbcro have always been on oppisite sides. this is just vuk traumatizing enis. not a fan from a historical or a ship perspective. it just icks me out.

[kits-ships]

kit, it feels like its been too long. can u give us some lore drop about your inserts/self ships?

HI DIAMOND!!!!!!!! sorry for my lack of presence on here. brain hasnt been working

edit: JESUS CHRIST IM SO SORRY. YOU ASKED ME FOR A LORE DROP AND I GAVE THE LONGEST INFODUMP EVER

i hate to do it, but i feel the need to talk about holly..... MCU HOLLY...

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR MARVEL-TYPICAL VIOLENCE, HOLLY'S TERRIBLE MENTAL HEALTH AND SELF-HATRED, MESSY RELATIONSHIP DRAMA, MENTIONS OF BLOOD- its all jsut a mess

holly was all i thought about during 2022; mostly because i was still dealing with the after effects of quarantine + also college. she was also all i posted about for a while on my now-dead instagram!!! whether you ask my roommate, my old coworkers, my HUSBAND???- HOLLY AND HER BOYFRIENDS WERE SUCH A HUGE HYPERFIXATION THAT EVEN MY MOM KNOWS ABOUT HER

now. what about holly was so interesting to me?? yeah shes my spidersona and everything, but shes not like. spectacular when compared to other spider-people per say. id say she has a heightened healing factor when compared others i guess, and shes pretty op when it comes to her agility skills, but shes still just a gal!

the real thing that had me hooked on her character and her relationships was that they were MESSY. GOOD GOD THEY WERE MESSY.

most of her character development is meant to happen during the nmcu daredevil series, and BOY does she suffer. honestly, season one was great. she teams up with matt a few times, and eventually agrees to help him take down fisk. throughout the season, she falls for him, and is pretty satisfied by the intimate, yet non-romantic bond they share. she finds herself intentionally taking hits for him- knowing that she can handle a lot more bodily damage than matt can- and shes led to believe that he likes her too!! they bandage each other up, get lunch together now and again, and everything is great :3

until season two.

one night, both holly and matt are unintentionally caught by the punisher. and BOY does the punisher have some shit to say. here, holly hears him out and realizes that she may have been following matt a bit blindly. matt is very firm in his morals- no killing, he helps cops, and he seems to believe in salvation. maybe thats why holly likes him. shes always wanted a second chance. something that would make her feel like she isnt just a sad, pathetic teenager

she realizes that her and matt are different. that maybe matt isnt always right. it kinda kills the honeymoon phase that shed been stuck in for so long. this guy shes idolized in her head is kinda full of himself. hes hot and he knows it!! and he does kinda act holier than thou now and again! but holly? holly isnt religious. she hates cops. and, worst of all, she doesnt think second chances are always possible. (keep that in mind lads)

she also emphasizes with frank, and he knows it. the punisher comments on the relationship between her and matt, noticing how tense and quiet holly is being. "whats wrong, blue? he treat you the same? like he'll always be better than you?" she stays quiet and, when he finally frees them, holly leaves. she doesnt help matt fight the gang coming to kill him, nor does she just swing him to safety. her brain is short-circuiting.

enter elektra. matt begins cancelling hang outs with holly, stops talking to her as much, and is, overall, pulling away from her. understandably, holly asks if its about elektra or karen and- of course- matt denies this. after seeing him kiSS elektra, though, holly feels as if hes throwing out everything they had together. its like the 'you vs the girl he tells you not to worry about" except the other girl is a MURDERER?? holly is pissed. now, she knows she wasnt entitled to a relationship with him, but shes still hurt after all the blood, sweat, and tears she put into their friendship / partnership. matt finally calls her, trying to let her down gently, but they end up arguing and holly hangs up on his ass hjkgf. NEITHER of them can handle stress, clearly, and the elektra/frank one-two is TOO much for them

although matt expected holly to eventually cool down, that was not in the plans. to his horror, holly actually AIDS the punisher. she brings him food, gets information for him, and does whatever the fuck she wants until the defenders series

understandably, frank goes under the radar, and holly is left on her own. she watches whatever the fuck is happening in the defenders, and is trying to decide whether or not she wants to help when a BUILDING COLLPASES. AND FOGGY CALLS HER TO TELL HER MATT FUCKIN DIED.

JEEZ.

at this point, holly's mental health has been stretched thin. this girl had already gone through three mental crisis before her first 'canon' appearance, so all this stress has been weighing her HEAVILY on her. she misses having someone to work with. frank is gone. matt is gone. the sokovia accords make her a wanted criminal AND shit is getting worse with every month. theres also another spider person in the picture, and hes backed by stark technology!! how the hell is she supposed to compare to him? shes just holly! holly holly holly! and you know what holly is, besides inferior to this new guy on the scene? holly is alone! she doesnt have friends. she hates nyc. and everyone shes ever loved is GONE!!

one night, while out on patrol, she finds herself watching researchers moving their equipment into trucks and airplanes. theyre moving, apparently! luckily, no one attacks the scientists. one of them drops something, sure, but thats fine, right? no. holly goes to inspect the broken glass, and the green liquid that had spilled onto the asphalt comes to life, seeping into her skin and binding with her.

this is malice.

malice doesn't exactly explain what it is to holly; it just promises her power. now she'll be able to keep up with all these big name heroes, and can keep protecting her city no matter what comes her way. what the symbiote DOESNT explain, however, is the fact that shes both slowly killing holly AND manipulating her. malice uses her anger and loneliness and converts it into an indescribable rage. she stops pulling her punches. she blacks out as soon as the sun goes down, and wakes up the next morning with blood on her hands and suit.

after a few weeks, she looks at herself in the mirror and, despite her healing factor, she finds someone sickly looking back at her. holly's hair is thinning, her skin is turning yellow, her eyes are turning green, and there are huge, black splotches spreading across her body.

she is dying. malice is using everything holly has to satiate its hunger, and doesnt give a fuck about the effects its having on its host. worse case scenario, theyre in new york! malice can find some other sad vigilante once holly dies.

but holly doesnt lay down and die!!!!!! she goes through newspapers, searching for anything that can help her, and eventually lands on doctor stephen strange. surely he can help, right? he's a weird, magical doctor that does crazy, otherworldly shit. if anyone can do something, its him.

and so, she pulls herself up by her bootstraps, and limps her way to the sanctum sanctorum, where the sorcerer supreme exorcises the symbiote from her body using FIRE!!! this way, malice isn't just contained, malice is DEAD. and holly gets to live!!! yay!! she can go back to living her life and being happy, right?

NO!!!!!

MATT IS ALIVE AND THERES SOME GUY IMPERSONATING HIM!!!!!! YOU KNOW HIM, RIGHT HOLLY? THE GUY WHO BROKE YOUR HEART? THE GUY THAT THE ALIEN IN YOUR HEAD WOULDNT LET YOU FORGET? HAVE YOU GONE THROUGH ENOUGH TRAUMATIC EVENTS YET??? GET FUCKED!!!

cut to my dear, stubborn holly forcing herself to tolerate matt again. at this point, she finds him insufferable (and hot, still, but mostly insufferable), and is continuing to struggle with her emotions towards him. nonetheless, she keeps as much distance from him as possible, but helps him defeat fisk + dex. now, with them out of the way, she couldve gotten back with matt, right? that, or she could find frank and team-up with him. no. holly doesnt do any of that. she doesnt even flirt with her pen pal, eddie brock, who she's been talking to regarding their mutual symbiote experiences. holly just stays in new york. miserable, self-hating, and full of regret. despite being a hero, she still feels like shes fucked up her whole life.

then the snap happens. hollys only two friends seemingly die and the world feels terribly bleak. even after everyone is revived, nothing feels the same. how is she supposed to recover from all this shit? how does she pick everything back up and move on??? shes a mutate, sure, but shes also a reclusive, mentally ill mess. life is bad, and she's not contributing much to society anymore. how is she supposed to help people now? shes not captain america. shes not iron man. she feels miserable.

...

...

knock knock!

who's there?

it's the tva! we'd like your help with something, miss miller! ^w^

we've recently noticed just how pathetic you are, ma'am. it seems like a real waste of your powers! how would you like to team up with a particular red-suited superhero and help us protect the sacred timeline? it'll give you a sense of purpose!

oh, the other guy? yeah! he goes by deadpool! you'll like him. maybe.

understandably, holly is kinda confused. she knew aliens and shit existed, but what the fuck is the sacred timeline?? dimensions?! what the hell is going on?? desperate for anything that'll prove that shes not useless, she accepts the deal and eventually meets wade wilson. and good god is he annoying. imagine spideypool, spiderman has forgotten to take his lexapro for a few days. holly is pretty fuckin annoyed, but surprisingly takes his side when paradox announces that he's going to destroy wade's universe. yeah, she has no real stake in this conflict. but paradox is cocky and pisses holly off.

cut to her, wade, and logan stuck in the void. they look like a set of fingerpaints when they stand together. holly tries to prevent the two guys from fighting, but she can't separate them; her healing factor CANNOT deal with all these fucking blades. especially not after she had to deal with nobu and THIS thing

she has been filleted like a fish once, and respectfully sits out during any fighting between them. that, or she webs them up. unfortunately, she cant really protect herself when cassandra's gang pull out a huge magnet + both wade and logan pin her to it- smushing the trio.

back at their little headquarters, cassandra explores holly's mind, going through the layers of trauma this girl keeps folding up and hiding in the recesses of her brain. she mocks holly for letting a man hold so much power over her, and degrades her for being so useless in the grand scheme of things. she's fumbled every relationship she's tried to maintain, and, even though holly's powers were the only thing that kept her going, the other woman claims that they'll never be enough. wade, logan, and holly suddenly look AND feel like the biggest fucking losers in the world, and proceed to beat the fuck out of each other in a honda odyssey.

upon waking up in a random 'house', holly proceeds to watch logan drown his sorrows as she thinks about everything shes ever done wrong.

just as wade wakes up, GUESS WHO WALKS IN? ELEKTRA. Not HER elektra, BUT ITS STILL ELEKTRA. holly begins to spiral more than before, remaining quiet and shocked for the entirety of the conversation. the only thing that pulls her out of it for a moment is blade saying a slur + remy flustering her.

things pick up a bit from here. even though holly is losing it, the fact that shes part of a little team helps with her psyche. she also starts breaking the fourth wall a bit more + is a bit more sarcastic than she'd ever been (much how i expect a comic version of her would be.) theres a lot more spider-person typical quips coming from her!!

holly honestly expects to die during the big fight. she thinks that shes at the end of her story- she's run her course like elektra and blade- but a combination of her spider-sense and logan dont let her die.

cassandra tries to butter her up like she does to logan. like oh..... wades an annoying prick.. imagine the power we could have together....... but holly is sick of listening to other people and having them lead her. she'd been doing that for so fuckin long!!!!! even after trying to tell her she can erase the piles upon piles of trauma shes repressed, holly tells her to fuck off, and wade manages to finally subdue her.

theres not really much to say once they get to the time ripper scene. paradox tells them that whoever tries to stop it will die (no matter the healing factor) and holly sees this as her opportunity to make up for what she believes is her sad, little existence. after all, she thinks it makes sense for her to die. why have one of the immortal crime-fighters die when it could be her? of course, it doesnt turn out this way, and all three of them survive.

now holly happily lives with her two new friends in this new universe. hope this doesnt cause an incursion.

and they live happily ever after

maybe??

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!! im back with an update about me, M, and F!

okay so, i told M how i feel about F and she was... sort of okay? like she said she was fine, had picked up on it, and had decided she wasnt going to try anything anyway because she wanted to work on herself before going for a relationship with anyone, so thats good (honestly im more just glad shes planning to work on their mental health etc because she deserves to feel good about herself and i could tell recently theyve not been feeling great)

as for F and i, we're... something? idk, we had a sort of movie "date" and after she walked me to my flat (we live literally like a minute from each other bc we're both living on university campus) we did kiss but then weve just... not acknowledged it since? we flirt a bit still (we did this before bc neither of us were brave enough to do anything more ahaha) but thats it

to add to whatever that is, ive hit a roadblock in regards to my feelings. idk how much you know about abrosexuality, but thats how i identify, which means (for me, at least) that my sexuality changes (im also genderfluid so i usually describe it like that but with sexuality instead of gender). and right now im not really romantically attracted to women? maybe not anyone, its bloody impossible to tell most of them time, but as much as i know that i like her, its kinda turned to really strong platonic feelings?

this is the first time ive had any sort of romantic interaction with anyone since finding the abrosexual label, so i dont really know how to navigate this, especially because even though i have come out to this friend group as abro, i dont really know if she properly understands what that means. honestly, im nearly at the point where i might just send her a fic i wrote with abrosexual!sirius even though that would expose my ao3 ahaha

i dont want to make her feel like i dont like her anymore because i do, just not in the same way all the time, if that makes sense? it also really doesnt help that idk what we are, so its not like i could just rock up and be like "hey, so i know we might be dating or may date in the near future but i actually only like you as a friend right now, sorry!" because what if it actually wasnt a date?? we never defined it as one but it felt a lot like one

on another, separate note (my apologies, but life is hard and navigating it is even harder) im feeling really shit about my name at the moment, but i have no solution. when i went to uni, i started going by my chosen name (for online's sake, we'll say im using dorian which is what i go by here, though i use a different one irl) and it felt really great to use something i was more comfortable with

but recently i went back to a show i watched years ago because it came up on my recommended and i was bored, and since i stopped watching, one of the characters changes his name. hes not trans, but his storyline sort of- triggered something in my brain? idk how to describe it, but ever since then my chosen name just hasnt felt right

ive tried looking at other names and ive really thought about it a lot but now absolutely *nothing* feels right and its making me feel really dysphoric any time anyone speaks to me using any name (like, my chosen name now feels as shit as my deadname) and i know you cant just pick a name for me but do you have any advice about what i can do? i feel like ive looked at a thousand or more names and nothing feels right

sending love as always! <3

Ooo okay so for the first situation, could you bring up your sexuality to F in a hypothetical way. Like "hey I'm figuring out my sexuality and I need someone to talk to"? That way you're not saying how you feel about HER, and neither of you has to deal with rejection, but the point gets across.

As far as your name, do you have a supportive friend that might be willing to try a few names with you? Like actually refer to you by those names, to see how you feel when they're used for you? Maybe it's that you have to hear the names used to see how you feel, you know?

[stemmmm]

mistria thots now that im a little ways into summer

first of all, took fucking forever, but thats because i go to bed at the absolute last second nearly every single day. and on that note, i feel like every single day is a frantic rush to run around and do the dozens of different daily things there are that there's never enough time for. I dont mind not having enough time in the day to do everything. that's very reasonable. but there's a ton to do, and the map is very large and i have to run very quickly to cover it all, and if i want to fish at all or go into the mines, that's my whole day. and up till now there's always been 5 quests of varying importance going on at once. and it's all quite exhausting. i'm still playing, but frankly the pace of everything has made me quite tired of it. i have to slow down and i have slowed down, but it doesn't feel great because there's a dozen season exclusive collectables that i've missed out on and other main quests that i could be doing things to progress and- and- and-! i'm sure you get my point. it's not relaxing, at least not for me. yes, this game is meant to be played for multiple in-game years, but that doesn't quell the FOMO, especially since i have no idea how much more content this early access version still has. who knows if i see the other seasons before i run out of plot.

before the end of spring I already had 2 cows and 2 chickens and basically enough money that i won't need to farm again for a while before i imagine it'll run out, because you get a lot of cash and very little to spend it on that matters. there's a shitload of recipes and cosmetics but i'm here for gameplay, baby. i'm not touching that. the only thing worth spending money on in that sense is pre-smithed tools, but I can make them myself extremely easily. i also have no need to cook because foodstuff is given as rewards for tons of things and there's multiple spots in the world that return energy for free, and now i have 2 slots for a spell that restores my health, with a bunch of potions that restore the slots i found before i even had magic, and i still have free bath-house trips to restore health too, so even though i run out of stamina just about every day, i hardly ever feel it. the time remains the most challenging thing to deal with.

on a more positive note, the animals are really cute. kind of weird you don't have to milk the cows, but i do understand the decision because that process gets tedious and makes me not engage with cows either. im looking forward to when i get their hearts high enough that i can do the breeding mechanics, because that's pretty new to games like this afaik.

i also.... really hope the festivals that come in other seasons have more going on because the spring one was really, really bad. it's just nothing.

on characters, i still dont have super strong feelings for any of them because they are by and large, flat tropes that i don't really like. i haven't done much with them, so most are only just starting to get to single heart relationship level from just semi-regularly talking to them. paying attention to their schedules to get to know them hasnt really been a thing between the map telling me where they are and everyone usually always being inside the inn whenever i need to find them. haven't seen any events yet afaik, unless those are tied to the request board.

and speaking of the request board and events tied to it! it is nice and convenient that the special requests are the means by which you trigger events. like usually you have to walk up to whoevers quest it was to trigger the event, so events are opt-in, can be at any time, and triggered anywhere you find the person. it does lose any element of surprise though. i like wandering into an area and something triggers out of seemingly nowhere, but i understand that system has... a lot of inconvenient flaws that i myself have been burned by before. tough problem to solve. this method is fine enough.

so uhh!! that's all i can think of for now! fine game, not really set up in a way that works well for people like me who have to do every single thing immediately. fortunately, no one else has to play like this because they are my own neuroses and nothing built into the game itself. i recommend everyone else play this slowly if they play it at all, and itd probably be more fun.

[hanzhen0506]

~’Enough Saying Sorry!’~

Hello! Its Zhan! Im back with another Youngjae fic, (I am loyal to Hanjin okay, its just- Youngjae in this comeback is something else istg) Thank you and enjoy reading! Muahhh

The music stop and everybody collapse on the ground from tiredly dancing. “I think thats enough for now.” Shinyu announce, getting up. “Teokkbeokki for dinner!” Kyungmin cheered as the others join. “Wait for a moment, I havent contacted y/n” Youngjae inform and they all groan.

“The lovebirds really cant seperate huh?” Jihoon teased with Dohoon.

“Just leave him be, we can wait for a few minutes. We also need to consider how she’s doing after what happen” Shinyu said. Youngjae thanked him and hurriedly grab his phone that was silent for 3 hours. These days lately was a pretty tough week. He and you officially revealed your relationship towards his fans and although the majority happily accept you both. There was still some anti’s who sends mean and hateful comments, going as far as invading both of your privacy too. So he turned on his phone only to see your multiple miss calls and texts, even including your friend’s miss calls and texts

“Jae-ie, can we meet now?”

“Jae-ie, what are you doing right now?”

“I really need you right now.”

“I just had a shitty day and one of the worst nightmares please answer me.”

“I need your help.”

“Youngjae, where are you?”

“Hey Youngjae! Its y/n’s friend, ____. I just wanna check is she with you? She hasnt been answering me and all so Im a little worried. If she’s with you right now then thats great. Sorry for interrupting you again and please contact as soon as you can 🙏.” He freak out seeing your friend’s text.

“Y/n’s missing, I have to go find her!” He said, packing his bag while the members freak out. Dohoon stop him from moving. “Woah, what do you mean she’s missing? And do you even know where you’re going? We should report the police about this!”

“Listen, I dont have time and im worried for her. Report it to the police for me, I need to start searching for her.” He said pushing Dohoon away and leaving the Hybe building. He took the taxi to your apartment that was luckily near. Arriving, he open the door with the spare key and tried to look around for you in the place. “Y/n?” He shouted looking around. Once he open the bedroom his anxiety heighten. There is not a single soul in the house and there were no clues whatsoever of your whereabouts. He opened his phone and called everybody you knew, colleagues, friends, families and yet none of them about where you are at all. He notices something shining when the sun was setting on your desk. He took a closer and it was the promise ring he gave you for your one year anniversary with your phone by the side. Under it was a letter, for him.

“Dear Youngjae,

Whatever you do, please, dont find me. I notice how clingy I have towards you and hope that you dont find me annoying. I have been rethinking that maybe I should leave you alone for a while. Your comeback is coming closer right? You should focus on that right now. Im at my comfort place, so you dont need to worry about me. -Y/n”

He thank the gods for finding the letter and bring you ring. Running towards the Han River bridge before the sun sets, his body is aching and screaming to stop running and use a taxi, but he doesn’t care and wants to see you no matter what. He kept running and running until he can finally see you again in the middle of the bridge. You always find the bridge interesting due to the beautiful sight and lights surrounding it, how long it is, the cold temperature that you would use as an excuse to hug him and of course the suicidal cases. He just wishes you wont do it too.

In the far distance, he teared up at the sight. You were sitting on the railing of the bridge, a habit you often do that sometimes scare him. But your face looked so peaceful, looking at the sunset. He carefully walk towards you and hug you tighlty from behind. “Jae-ie?” You gasp as he placed his face on your shoulder. “You scared me..” He sniffles, making you look back. “Im sorry.” You said gently and he just tightens in response. “I-I thought I was gonna lose you, you dont know how much you worried me.”

“Im sorry.. There was this fan, who was following me and kept asking me questions. I had to hide but they now know where I live and all so I panic. They finally went home, but I still felt unsafe, so I went here to clear things off my mind. Im sorry-“

“Enough saying sorry!” He shouted. “I should be the one to say sorry to you. I was too busy with practice that I ignored your messages. I wasnt there to stop the fans and comfort you, and it took me a while to find your whereabouts even though I should have known. Its my fault for leaving you alone..”

You shook your head, carefully turning around while Youngjae holds your hips. “I know you wont do that purposefully, and I appreciate. But we must admit that it was also my fault for leaving and not contacting anybody, Im sorry.” You said holding his face as he tears up again. He pulled you closer and hugged. “I forgive you, I will always forgive you. Im so sorry.” He sobbed on your shoulder as you too, cried as it is the first time you ever see him cry. You caressed his hair as you hold onto him tightly. Finally the sun sets, revealing the moon and the lights surrounding the bridge turns on.

“Ill make sure to talk to the company about the fan.” Youngjae said and you nod. “Lets go home,” he said. Carrying you princess style towards a nearby bench outside of the bridge. Ordering a taxi for you both.

Arriving to the TWS dorms, all the members circled around you looking worried. You reassured them that everything is fine, although they were hesitant they all left the both of you alone, making sure to keep an extra portion of the teokkbeokki for you. Inside his bathroom, he pampered you with a bath, massage, skin care and of course kisses and cuddles. Youngjae makes sure that the fan will get a warning by talking to the company as he doesnt want to see you in that state again. He pulled you close in the bed, spooning you and hum your favorite songs, helping you drift asleep and he joins you after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Please do not steal my works!)

[poopscooplala]

(psa this is mostly referring to the movies)

ive seen a few posts that have bothered me. i searched "remadora bad" on google to see what people were saying and it came up eith tumblrs and reddits etc and they were all really weird.

i recently got into the marauders fandom after reading atyd and being a fan of harry potter since i was a child, this fandom made me really happy because of the escapism it provided. many of us have loved hp and then realised its problematic aspects and seen jkr being the worst and no longer can escape with hp.. and marauders fandom is a much more inclusive and feels safe space. i do ship wolfstar and i want to get this straight because one post mentioned wolfstar shippers and it was definitely a weird take.

the post was about how women who ship two men together hate women because if theres a woman in the picture its always a crime against her i guess? they also touched on fetishisation of gay men in a way that seemed to be encapsulating all of these people into that message.

1. not everyone who ships two men hates women. i mean this is absurd 😭 it seemed much more like this poster was more anti fanon, which is odd. anyone who defends jkr instantly puts me off, i understand if someone is confused by not following canon when talking abt media.. but it shouldnt go so far as to licking jkrs ass saying "shes the author she knows best🤓🤓" we know shes the author, thats half the problem. anyway, i understand this point but it didnt work in the context they were using it for (remadora/wolfstar). the marauders fandom has been criticised for misogyny, but the generalisation of shippers all having that belief is just untrue.

2. fetishisation of gay men is most definitely prevelant in shipping spaces but it goes eithout saying that an entire community of people wont all have the same views and opinions. from personal experience, i have always been wary of fetishising gay men and recently realised that my special interests being shipping different gay relationships has been involved in my gender identity. im not really sure of anything yet but i am exploring being actually a man or gener fluid or non binary.. as i said i dont know yet but i have realised that i have always put myself in these ships, wanting to be one of the men in them (of course this hasnt been the sole reason im questioning my gender). generally, i think shipping is very fun and just a great way of exploring romance in your favourite medias that represent you - which is what many people in the marauders fandom express. i do understand this concern though - fetishisation is a real thing and these ships shouldnt be objectified to be apart of that. i just dont think we should automstically assume every shipper is fetishising gay ppl.

nothing ive talked abt has rlly been abt marauders so far but i just wanted to set up some context and rant abt that post tbh.

as ive grown, ive realised how forced remadora was in the movies. i always felt like it came out of nowhere but i was a kid and i didnt care enough to think abt it like i just wanted to see harry running through the grass and shit. anyway, ive watched a few viedos abt the marauders fandom and about jk rowlings problematic writing and i have a few points to make about remadora and tonks' and remus' characters respectively.

in ootp, tonks is introduced as a fun, independent, and rebellious person. they arent afraid to speak out abt their name to someone more experienced in the field (mad-eye) and they have bright purple hair so obviously they r cool and awesome. they are a metamorphagus(?) meaning they can change some parts of how they look. i, and many others, see this as a symbol of trans teens. correcting the feminine "nymphadora" to a more unisex "tonks", the fact they can literally change how they look (perhaps showing their desire to change themselves ehich many trans people relate to), and their overrall childlike attitude. i think rowling makes tonks young and fun to show immaturity, therefore the transcoded character is sort of displayed as an immature teen that doesnt know any better (insert jkrs transphobic tweets here).

THEN in hbp the newly called "dora" is married. not only is tonks feminised by heteronormativity (a big aspect of stereotypical femininity is marriage) but their general appearance and attitude has changed. her hair is now like a light brown, and this natural colour i feel may allude to the natural order of womanhood is to maybe go through a rebellious gender non conformity teenhood, but eventually we all "mature" into our "natural" womanhood.. may be a reach buut?? anyway, their dialogue in this movie is very small - i assume its different in the book, but i feel like either way their dialogue would be similarly all focusing on remus (way to fail the bechdel test) which ironically is more represantative of jkr hating woman soo the ship they r saying is the anti "gay shippers who hate women" is one of the many symbols of misogyny in jkrs books.. i mean idk if i need to say this but a woman isnt defined by being married/with a man and i feel like jkr is trying to present it that way.

jkr seems to have unintentionally presented her transphobic views in the character of tonks. many people related to tonks because of their gender fluidity and hbp disappointed many with this character development.

now, the age gap between remus and tonks is 13 years which is gross. especially when you think about the more childish representation of tonks in ootp, like theyve been matured in hbp for the purpose of making the relationship less weird? idk but this is a point that really irks me because many ppl ignore this and always conclude that ppl who dont like remadora are just wolfstar shippers and also hate tonks because they r a woman. even if i hated wolfstar id still hate remadora because of this gross age gap😭😭

another post was from like 10 yrs ago so, perhaps the opinions are just outdated considering jkrs problematic behaviour has become more of general knowledge in recent years but they basically were the common "he not gay jkr mad ehim be with woman he cant be gay 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓" .. jkr has made lots of promises she couldnt keep.. like the whole can of worms that is the time turners (no cedric diggory would not become a death eater please go back to bed omg) so it really isnt unheard of that she could make a gay character and then just.. ruin it?

she definitely didnt intentionally make anyone gay, because she ahtes gay ppl, but remus and sirius are very commonly interpreted to be queer coded. loads of ppl mention this, but even david thewlis (remus lupin actor) read the characters as lovers. many people saw them as lovers so thought remus was gay, then saw him marry tonks and felt confused. of course he could just be bi but jkr wasnt writing that i dont think lolz EVEN if that was the case, remus is meant to be a good character so why is he getting with tonks who is so much younger than him, to me it makes no sense. which is why many people think remadora doesnt make sense, why many marauders fans, including myself, dont see remadora as what would happen. like im not saying that sirius would be a live and blah blah because im referring to a still canon compliant story, it just would not include remadora and its weird energy.

also, jkr said once that lycanthropy was a symbol for rhe aids crisis (thats not a gay allusion at all 🤗). and hootsyoutube makes a great point about how this is problematic. remus lupin is not the only werewolf in the series, greyback is another one that is apart of the wizard nazis and was the one who bit little 5 yr old baby remus lupin. so.. this is very predatory behaviour, i mean he sliterally biting people (like a lion eating a gazelle or sumn idk r u getting what im putting down 😭😭). now, what is a harmful and highly perpetuated stereotype against gay people.. you got it - predatory behaviour. jkr connects the aids crisis to werewolves who are (except remus) presented as predators who prey on little children 😝😝 amazing!!! SO jkr does allude to gay/bi remus buuut its also in a very evil very malevolent light because shes a witch cackling in the night

i hate canon dick riders because not only is the canon problemstic and jkr is evil BUT its literally a made up story... why do you care abt whats canon and ehats not? some may not get it but i love the feeling of being in the marauders fandom, where everything is just made up by us like its so whimsy so fun.

another post that rlly grinded my gears was saying "yall will complain abt remadora age gap but then ship snarry and snermione" which if ur referring to only ppl who ship this then yes you ate down very demure very mindful.. but it wasnt. why ar eppl generalising so hard like i know for a fact I do not ship that... thats pedofilia guys!! and i know most in marauders fandom dont either because most marauders fans i see rnt disgusting monster people? but they also used this to undermine the age gap in remadora, like no they r both bad both weird and the fact that one is by the author of hp is very telling

okay thats the end of my rant uhhh 🥸

[frostythefrostedfox]

I can't really see sonamy working out in the long run, either one of or both characters would have to be ooc if they were a couple, I can only see it as alot of giving and sacrificing mostly from Sonic's end, because so far shown in the games canon, Amy hasnt had alot of patience with him and wants a more typical kind of relationship with sonic with dating and all that, which sonic just isnt all that in to.

Considering how much the average sonamy fanbrat clings for dear life to two tposing models in a leaked screenshot and one out of context leftover line, it has always seem like they are looking for validation rather than consensus, they tend to turn any conversation from "exposition of motives" to "explaining why i am right", and you cant win that one, you never will.

The reason why so much sonamy related stuff feels so OOC for both of themy care very little about representing the actual characters and more about representing what they want these characters to be, usually turning them into mouthpieces for whatever bias or story they want to tell, which in turn explains a lot of their love for other OOC representations of their pairing, like Prime Sonic and Thorn, or IDW Sonamy. Their story reads great if you read it in a vacuum, but as soon as you contrast whatever they wrote with the writing in the games, it becomes apparent that these are not the same characters, replacing Sonic with Domingo, by writing him to be, usually, a self centered prick that has to learn the value of *insert positive trait here*, or a little penis man that trips on his balls everytime he takes a step and needs someone to believe in him so he can do this with the power of love and friendship; and replacing Amy with Consuela, this lovey dovey perfect girl that has never ever done anything wrong, has never made Sonic feel uncomfortable, has never stalked him and has never ever in the history of ever tried to force her views and herself into sonic's lifestyle.

For some this shit was never about "why would these two character become better by being with each other" and more of "Me and my pookie". For a while several depictions of sonamy (i would call it fanon, but that would imply there is a canon counterpart, and guess what!) have always struck me as some weird self insert, and it usually reads in one of two ways

First: Self inserting as Sonic, the one being chased, the thing gets morphed into some early 2000s romcom plot, "she is annoying but i care about her", where, at the end, the pursued reveals that they have always had an interest in the pursuer and that trying to get away was their way to try and fool themselves. Usually this goes with the motif of "I wish that were me"

Second: Self inserting as Amy, this is the toxic and problematic one, because more often than not the author ends up agreeing with the concept of "Love as a transaction", where their interest must always be reciprocated because they did these many things, they have been around for this long or they have met this set of arbitrary requisites.

I really don't wanna be that person, but to me these behaviours tends to speak a lot more about its poster than about the subject of the post, and the fact that you're usually met with such defensive, offensive and sometimes aggresive behaviours (because the shit that some of them say is really eyebrow raising and I wanna believe is just a passing comment that does not represents their actual views on said topics and issues) from the fanbrats upon mentioning it, hinting at it or bringing it up, makes me believe it

If you have to change two characters so much before they can be compatible with each other, maybe they don't belong together, and maybe, just maybe, you're just looking way to deep into something that holds absolutely no meaning for validation of your ideas that you yourself made believe were real, and acting the way that some do whenever the topic aint "how great sonamy is" kinda points in the direction of "I know it but im afraid to admit it"

At the end of the day people can like whatever they want and I'm sure that most sonamy fans are normal people, but if you're one of the fanbrats that just gotta be so vocal and loud about it, don't act all offended when the others complain, or worse, do the same

[slaaverin]

hi so just wanted to share smthing idk if you have been following the blue moon tarot blog/website for long but i got into in 2021, ruined my peace of mind, bc the relationship of jm with himself and esp with jk seemed so toxic, so i just stopped reading or idk believing it on some level too. bc i remember once reading that jm literally saw jk as a replacement of his own brother in the start and so people shipping them is sooo wierd. then he always sort of uses and takes (energy?) from jk rather than giving anything back. like jk is progressing but jm is always for some reason going down or afraid all the time when i read any of his readings done by her (again not coming at her she always seemed to be a great positive eprson when ever i read her blogs, just from what i got of jm from her readings thats all nothing more) and idk it just made me a bit frustrated too bc he is so wrapped up in his fears, that any hope for progress for him seems hopeless honestly with how every fruther reading, jm somehow always seemed to drag himself down, get caught up in his feelings, esp drag jk down to his troubles after having a toxic relationship - like i remember one years ago in one of the reading it was said how jm sort of doesnt let jk grow up in his eyes and jk pretends he hasnt grown up too to have the relationship or so that jm doenst lose his balance that he had at that time, basically self sacrificing honestly and made it seem all the more toxic and not at all healthy. (so i sort of agree with anon that says it all seems sad rather than good, bc one thing i noticed is over teh years jm has a lot of potential to be great and amazing but he is so caught up in himself/fears/all the wierd stuff that he doesnt let himself be, like everything points to be negative with him and his future all the time.

i mean on the surface it seemed he is totally at peace from the clips in teh past two years esp with his music (which was honestly decent though the whole album never clicked with me, but again its his album his songs so i appreciate all of them regardless) like he is working on himself his vocals his music and his growth but tbh it never seems enough as per his tarot readings or the fact that he always is in that confusing dark place (bluemoon blog once stated its like jm is in this dark chaos place where he goes back to his tendencies and doesnt want to seem to get out of it ages ago tho, like its being back and forth, and jk honestly is in a good place at the top of the hill, who for some reason keeps coming back to help)- again toxic as fuck. and also said how they are planning to help eo out, i wld like to believe he more at peace with himself but idk it always seems tumultuous and toxic.

Sry I know this got so long but idk I had this in my head for so long during my early army days when I saw tarot reading, and somehow your blog is the only one where i have even seen anything reagrding tarot readinsg that were done, so just wanted to see if mayeb you have any thoughts about it. and again, blue moon website, whoever she is, is really cool and amazing; none of this was in any way meant to be hurtful or mean or anything, really, just what I got or interpreted from your readings and conclusions, really nothing else. Thank you!

Hello!

Thank you for reaching out anon and sharing your thoughts.

I have been following bluemoonpunch's readings since 2019, a while I don't have every single details in mind still, I can only offer my own interpretation.

Jimin has a damn difficult place in the soul body (heart chakra) and while they separated energetically he had a hard time with it. He was always the one to take care of the others, and while figuring out who he was and what's his new place/direction was, I think he needed some support, that's also why JK showed up in his reading (a little place where they met).

According to the readings, Jimin had a cycle where he would retreat, and JK left him alone during that time only being there for him if he needed. In a way he had ups and downs, like everybody. We could see that Jimin in the past would easily doubt himself, that we know.

But to me anon in these readings nothing ever told me jikook's relationship is toxic at all. It's only a deep and complex and ever evolving relationship like any other. Of course it cannot be all rainbows and unicorns.

Jimin literally saw Jungkook grow, he watched him in real time become a man. If they are indeed romantically involved then his view of Jungkook must have evolved over time. We all know Jimin had a crush on Jungkook from the very start. But at that time Jimin saw him still like someone he had to take care of (like the rest of the group) because Jungkook was so young and not yet mature. But with time Jungkook grew within himself and became who he is today, someone who does take care of Jimin when he needs it too. I think that is normal and a sign of healthy relationship, that they can BOTH rely on each other now.

Of course I feel between the two Jimin is the one more careful, and maybe the one more "down to earth" about all the things that could go wrong. But nothing in this screams toxic, he is only pragmatic because he cares about Jungkook and what could potentially happen to him.

Jungkook is more carefree and open. This man is time and time again reinforcing his love and full devotion to Jimin.

Maybe like the readings say Jimin still has fears but honestly who could blame him?

They are in an impossible, potentially very dangerous situation! With his role of caretaker of course he feels most responsible and worried.

The things you saw that sounded toxic to you, to me is normal in any part of any relationship. People are never perfect, they have flaws, a particular way of their psyche to function, feelings to deal with. What we could see from them since 2013 never came accross as toxic to me, quite the contrary. Of course I don't doubt behind the scenes it's not always perfect, people fight sometimes, people have doubts, fears, sadness, insecurities, but it doesn't mean their relationship isn't healthy. It just means they are humans.

They've been together for a long time, it's normal for the relationship and perspectives to evolve.

Personally the last reading confirmed everything I ever thought about them.

The fact that their potential is to be like a perfect balance of feminine and masculine, like some kind of cosmic couple, it makes so much sense. They always have balanced each other. When they are together they just fit perfectly, they are in sync, they just click.

I will even offer my interpetation of their relationship expanding on the readings, I think jikook are supposed to embody the energy of a cosmic couple as blue said, because I personally feel that is part of their mission.

What they have is a perfect example of what unconditional love means. It is the perfect balance. In a way what they have is not even about them at all! Their relationship is more a display of a concept of unconditional love, some kind of roadmap to show to people and to tell them "see, it's possible, a love like this exist, people with that much light exist, see this example, get inspired by it, grow your light and your love and you may be able to experience it someday".

Images and sounds, basically anything is a frequency. When we watch jikook's relationship, we can feel the frequency of their love, we literally receive unconditional love from them. It opens up our own heart, raising our own frequency. So it's part of their mission of raising the consciousness of the planet, having this relationship. I feel it's part of a way bigger plan.

People will either embrace it or reject it completely. Usually people with a too low frequency will reject it because they cannot stand too much light.

People who receive too much light will have to process their low frequency energy so everything has to come up from the surface which is a pretty painful process so they might choose to not take at all. Which is why so many people reject jikook's bond, because if they accepted the frequency is would make them feel very uncomfortable stuff first and it's not a match to them (It is not always a conscious choice).

People with low frequency rather stay in a state of "illusion" because low frequency is literally nothing but illusion by nature.

I went on a tangent here but what I mean to say is that jikook's relationship has never been more exciting that today (after so many years! Who would have thought they would commit to each other again with military?) So I cannot wait to see how it all evolves from now on, what this potential future as a cosmic couple will look like (can it be even better than now? I can't imagine).

Ease your mind anon, jikook are in a good place. There is nothing to worry about. Let's all enjoy the travel show 💜

Thanks you again for sharing your thoughts I know mine are all over the place because I am not used to answer asks yet so I'm sorry about that! If nothing bluemoonpunch's readings always reassured me more than anything else, especially the last one!

Take care 🥰

[braimrotting]

My playlist as QSMP

(warning im shit at english lang so my interpretation of songs may be way off... im also ace and often miss romantic implication so.. yeah if a song has lyrics which are like about an s/o and i havent specified i probably dont mean for it to be shipping)

songs included: tongues & teeth (the crane wives), pink in the night (mitski), gb eating gb whilst listening to gb (crywank), going to brighton (fresh)

TONGUES & TEETH - The Crane Wives hideduo fit pov fit as a self serving survivalist from a wasteland experiencing love in this cursed fuckin island • "ive grown a mouth so sharp and cruel its all that i can give to you my dear" habits from 2b2t even little things like his lack of trust, hasnt confided his true intentions to anyone - constant lies by omission - hes flawed and hes recognised it • "if you're fine with that you can be mine like that" theres very much something going on with hideduo but fit is insistent on his baby steps bc he doesnt want to hurt pac. 'are you fine with that?' • "you gotta know that this wont last" this is soooo fit coded bffr. i adored the conversations fit n ramon had but one thing that stuck out to me was that he would always specify that only he and ramon would escape. never mentioned anyone else. selfish in the most understandable way • "i will ruin you, its a habit i cant help it" again 2b2t ingrained habits that never leave. linked w above point, hes selfish and that isnt necessarily a bad thing just not great for a blossoming relationship • "i will love u like the ashes in my cigarette box" hc 2b2t!fit smoked - ramon told him off once but now that the baby's gone hes picked it up again, a headcanon bc i cannot imagine ccfit smoking since hes such a health buff - feels so out of character lmao strong thoughts about qfit no one even try to fight me - his entire character occupies a space in my brain PINK IN THE NIGHT - Mitski phissa missa pov devotion easy • "i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you" • "can i try again and again and again" i dont think i need to say more - tbh this could go for guapoduo too but the "can i try again" made me think of missa + how he wants to live up to phils expectations

GB EATING GB WHILST LISTENING TO GB - Crywank phissa still missa pov

"in a busy room youre all i see" literally THEM sorry during the mexican independence event they were literally all they could see.. them doing the dance together - it may as well have just been the 2 of them + phil jumping in front of missa to take pics of him alone w/o him noticing

"calm down dont let her see how fast your heart is beating" missa saying "im speaking weird so the translator doesnt pick up, i love you" THIS GUYYYYYYYY

"i think about you but i know im not good enough" bffr mr missa "ill come back when im a good enough father" sinfonia

"and I built you up to much, now I can't say what's on my mind in case I go and scare you away" missa doesnt want to burden phil because he feels like hes been such a bad father compared to phils dedication - now that hes back he doesnt want to disappoint him anymore

"and how could i compete with the world at your feet" missa coming back to like 3 men at phils whim LMAO

"i wouldn't want to hurt you by letting you hurt me you don't deserve to feel guilty"

"i just want you in my life"

sorry im so obsessed with their puppy love GOING TO BRIGHTON - Fresh tubbo coded, i mean with the name i had to give it to him in my mind hes talkin to phil • "things i care the most about dont seem to ever get old" his excitement over everything even the simplest things is so refreshing • "i feel the fire inside me trains passing over head" his determination posing a unique threat to the feds and i feel like its such an important part of his character. also he likes trains :) • "there are things i learnt inside my head that they cant ever take away from me" lil bugs and just knowledge of the game make him a great bug tester for the admins lmao. this guy takes any chance to glitch his way through life

"starting over is a sign of strength"

also honorary mention to that one person who said the garden was codebreakerduo coded because you are so right and true and based and i think of that post everytime i listen to that song. being so normal by peach pit was very celltw (is that what pac and cellbit are called?) to me but i didnt really have much reasoning

[forlorn-crows]

Just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE Lady of the Lake and I've reread it so many times that I should be lowkey ashamed haha BUT

I'm also very curious about Nyneve's interactions with other ghouls like Delta or Dew. How did Dew find her?

You can absolutely take this as an opportunity to ramble about it if you want :)

okay so. i admit that technically the ghoul i call Water in my fic i guess is Delta? im terribly bad at tracking who's who in the water ghoul 'lore'. but Terzo called his bass player before Mist 'Water' so thats what i went with. so please call him whatever you'd like lmao.

for anyone who needs a refresher, this is sort of all i've established about Nyneve's past interactions w/ghouls or otherwise:

Uh, how long has it been? Since you’ve met a ghoul, I mean. Rain isn’t sure what to do with himself—what to do with his hands, his limbs, any of it. He dangles in front of her like a worm on a lure, and he supposes he is one, in a way. A slice of life outside the murky waters she inhabits. But he knows he’d be her catch of the day, not the other way around. 

Many years, Nyvene says wistfully. I can sense those who venture into the water at any depth, as well as those close to the shore. But the ones who seem most closely aligned to you have never traveled as far as yourself. They were surface dwellers. Rain gives her a confused look. Not all are drawn to the depths, and that is perfectly fine for a being such as myself. But I did begin to wonder who would come next.

Dew had been telling the truth, then. Who was before me?

His name was simply Water. He was quite robust in his search, perhaps a little impatient. But he was kind to me. So I cannot fault him too much. She seems wistful, reminiscent. Rain realizes he doesn’t know much about the water ghouls before him and Dewdrop, let alone any of the ghouls that came before their current pack. 

How many before him?

Many, she says simply.

Rain swallows, more bubbles escaping his gills. How, uh—how old are you, exactly?

Hm, age is a funny thing. That can’t be good. I have existed for a long time, longer than your congregation. 

So, we didn’t, um, create you?

No, my child. Though, the dark magick running more frequently through these lands has been . . . refreshing, to put it simply.

You’ve always been here? In this lake, I mean. 

Well, as long as I can remember, yes. She chuckles.

so, you'll notice, and as a gentle reminder, Dew and Mist did not interact with her. to me, they are not a deep-water alignment as Rain is. that's not to say Dew never meets her. because he does. but he didn't interact with her prior to Rain.

i think water ghouls, and ghouls/demons in general, have more specified alignments within the elements they are 'made' of/from. just water itself can be saltwater, freshwater, deep sea, rivers/streams, storms, ice, and things of the like.

so not all of them will have desired to go to the bottom of the lake (i think its pretty deep, think some of the deeper american great lakes depth despite its overall size). the elder ghouls may have passed down the knowledge about her, and some, like Water i think, dont. maybe theyre a little selfish about her, feel like theyve been 'chosen' and that everyone else should have to discover her too. with Water (again, Delta, w/e), it was turbulent with the new summonings, the changing of ghouls and even elements. there simply wasnt time to be like 'oh yeah also theres a big tentacle lady in the lake if you want to have a fun time' you know? not his fault.

so Nyneve's def had a relationship with many a ghoul, but it hasnt been linear. it hasnt all been water ghouls either, but i think the interaction of other elements has come and gone throughout time. i havent decided if any of the 'more recent' ghouls beyond the others mentioned have met her, or just know of her.

certainly there'd be urban legends passed around amongst humans that live in the surrounding areas, so they may have heard about something in passing. esp if any of those humans happened to become siblings of the church. but humans that do know of her have never truly known who she is, and mainly just call her varelse, creature. a monster.

the poem at the end you may have noticed uses her real name, Nyneve. so we can assume someone more personally familiar with her wrote it. scribbled it in some tome somewhere about local myths and legends, or historical drafts about the abbey itself.

she's very mysterious and not even i know everything about her, haha! dark magick gone rougue, some creature that crawled up from the depths, or something created by some long forgotten god.

all this to say, Rain had to introduce Dew to Nyneve. once he got over the fact that he'd have to tell everyone else about her, considering hed come home with sucker marks all over with no real logical explanation. i think Mountain is the first one he tells, but Dew is the first one he introduces.

i really appreciate that you enjoy LOTL so much; apologies for taking a little bit to answer this, but thanks for stopping by xx

if you havent already read about Nyneve and Rain, and this sparks your interest, you can do so here:

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