#and my parents have passed the point in their life where theyre self conscious

[icaruspartharmony]

In my stupid American Era (not by choice)

[beautyindisguise00]

How old will you be in 3 birthdays? Do you think you’ll be married by then?

Thursday night October 15, 2020 @8:23pm

How many hours has it been since you woke up? about 14. 

Who was the last female you hung out with? my coworker nici. my room didnt have that many kids and didnt need two teachers so i was able to work with her today which was nice for a change

How many keys are on your key chain? What do they go to? house key, apartment building key, apartment door, mailbox, car keys so 5

What were you doing the last time 7pm rolled around? cooking dinner which was fried noodles with poached eggs

Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? nope. my idiot self thought i had to one time. haha

Does your ex still think about you? i dont think so

What is something that always makes you feel pretty? when my hair is done, make up is done well, and a good outfit

What’s your favorite instrument? i guess i dont have one haha

Do you want to get married? very much. one day!

Is Catcher in the Rye in your library by any chance? no, it is not

Does the thought of moving out from home scare you? it depends on how far from here. i dont mind if it’s not more than 6 hours away 

Do you find smoking unattractive? not for me, no thanks

How old will you be in 3 birthdays? Do you think you’ll be married by then? i’ll be 27. according to my younger self’s plans, i thought i’d be married by 26 and kids at 28. at this point, i just hope i’d be engaged by 27. just waiting for the boyfriend to finish school and for the both of us to save up. haha

When is the next time you’re going on vacation? not for a loooong time cause of this crazy pandemic 

If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? nah, i’ll pass

If you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first? hopefully my older brother 

Do you smoke weed? i do not

Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? my boyfriend well technically my work kids. haha. i think Colton told me today. haha

How old will you be on your next birthday? What are you doing for it? 25. no big plans. maybe a spa day with the girls

Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? hahaha yes and it usually escalates to other fun things. hahahah

Are you currently renting out your own apartment? no but i am renting an apartment

Do you currently have a job? yes. daycare teacheer

Are you pregnant? nooooo

Have you taken anyone’s virginity? not yet

Have you had sex in the past three weeks? ^^

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? eh, there’s a few bad tv shows but i dont know. 

Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place and where? im on the couch in the living room

Did anything tend to make you extremely happy today and, if so, what was it? just having a decent human conversation with my coworker nici. haha because sometimes my other coworkers dont talk to me or else they rant or complain

Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? a friend dropped of a big fat brown bunny at my house one time. and we’ve dog sat for a family friend a few times 

Are you planning on going to the movies with anyone at all this weekend? no, covid

What month is it and would you consider this to be your favorite month? october and no. 2 more months til my favorite month

Have you ever made your boy/girlfriend choose between you and someone else? not like anything serious

Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? what?

When was the last time you took a shower and was that too long ago? like 2 nights ago? i have to take one tonight

When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? walmart? i think

Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it? no, i just put it in my phone. 

What color are your curtains and are you satisfied with this color? i have white blinds. the apartment came with them like that. i dont mind it

When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? i think i was like 13? just a regular bee. i remember it fly between my foot and my sandal while i was walking and i stepped my foot down and it stung me!

Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? my boyfriend’s brother and their family’s house caught on fire from an electrical fire

Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? oh goodness yes. especially in todays time where its normal for every singe teenager to have a phone

Have you ever had someone sympathetically lie to make you feel better? i’m sure

When was the last time you had a piece of cake and what was the occasion? i buy mini cheesecake bites for a small after dinner dessert

Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing and did you believe them? yes and no. haha while the rest of my family was blessed with musical talents, i was not

What’s your favorite kind of potato chip and are they cheap to buy? i like sunchips, funyuns, and any sour cream and onion flavored chips

Are you afraid to save your surveys because you think people will read them? nah, but this is the only place i post them  How satisfied with life are you at this exact moment in time and why is this? i’m trying to understand my life circumstance right now and trying to be content with where i’m at. i’d say i’m like a 7 on a 1-10 scale

Are you thinking about anything that’s upsetting right now? not really, just wondering why my boyfriend hasnt called me yet when its 9pm right now and my bedtime is in an hour cause of work

Who was the last male you hung out with? my boyfriend via facetime but otherwise my brothers at the pumpkin farm

Are you self conscious? sometimes

What are you not looking forward to? getting my period. i think it’s coming up soon

What did you realize yesterday? uhmm, not sure

Who was the last person to drive you somewhere? my sister when she and my mom came to visit me this past weekend

Do you want someone you can’t have? a career, a lot of money, hahaha

When was the last time you cried? a few days ago watching “while you were sleeping” with my boyfriend as we finished the last episode.

When was the last time you totally broke down? last 2 weeks ago when my boyfriend and i got into a small dispute 

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? a job as a wedding planner or even the assistant

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? not recent, but a few people i’ve grown apart or lost connection with 

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a L? my boyfriend’s name starts with an L and the last time i kissed him was like three weeks ago when we were saying goodbye when i was in town for his grandpa’s funeral

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? going to bed

This time last year were you happier then or now? now. haha. this time last year, i was stressing over what to do with my living situation and work situation 

Are you angry with someone right now? nope

Do you get stressed easily? sometimes

Do you have any problems? not any big ones

Do you have any plans for the weekend? nothing big. just get some work done and then a virtual meeting with my siblings

Be honest; name of the last person to text you? my coworker/coteacher Abby

Have you told anybody you loved them today? yes. i text my boyfriend a good morning text almost every day. i think i also told my work kid Colton i loved him too. haha he’s so sweet

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color? no, i colored it 2 months ago

Do you want to see somebody right now? yes

Have you been under the influence in the past 24 hours? no

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? my couch

What color hair did you have when you entered high school the first time? my natural hair

Did the last person you kiss have piercings? nope

Is there a certain eye color you are drawn to on the opposite sex? not really

Will you be seeing your ex any time soon? nope

Have you talked about marriage with another person? my boyfriend, my sister and when i went to my boyfriend’s grandpa’s funeral, i saw a lot of his family so they asked

Do you remember who you liked this time 3 years ago? yeah and its still the same

Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? nope

Do you think you’ll make a good parent? i sure hope so. i think i’d do a decent job with discipling and teaching when theyre young but teenage years kinda scare me. 

Do you think you’ll make a good husband/wife? i think so. im sure the first few years will be tough but i’ll get the hang of it! haha

[samanthasroberts]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/22/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182227933232

[allofbeercom]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

[btstrashxoxox]

Prompt 5? scenario??

I feel like in so many fics, stories, novels etc theres rarely ever a representation of bigger ppl, like theres rarely a romance story where the character is like overweight, theyre usually hot characters and as someone who has little to no self confidence myself lool itd be nice to read a fic where the mc is stuggling with their physical appearance and they slowly overcome this inner struggle with the help of their partner, yes maybe by losing weight and stuff cuz thats being healthy, but NOT like the character lost all their weight and became sexy and “worth loving” or shit, like itd be nice to just read a fic where its genuinely focused on the way their body is now and how they learn to love themselves and understand that they are just as worthy for love as anyone else So i was thinking of this au where you are an overweight person maybe lets say 75 to 80 kg or more watever u choose and have struggled with it all ur life

Uve always been the chubby one in ur family and it kind of stayed like that progressing as u got older and shit

And ur family has always picked fun at u about it not in like a spiteful way kind of like in the way where theyre teasing u but theres a hint of truth behind it And u try to not let it bother u but it does anyway and ur self esteem and confidence isnt exactly up there

And ur one of those romantic saps and just rlly want someone to love u and u imagine all the different things u cud do with ur boyfriend but u dnt think ull ever hav that becuz of ur weight and self confidence issues

Anyways so i imagine u to be in ur like 20s maybe mid 20s idk basically an age where ur living by urself in a small apartment and hav a job etc So one day ur walking home alright, cuz u missed the bus home and u were like okay ill start walking for now and maybe another bus will come as im walking to the next stop And so ur walking with ur earbuds in, listening to music wen all of a sudden someone running bumps into u harshy from behind and u lose ur balance starting to fall, completely startled And the guy who bumped into u stops in his tracks with his wide eyes and comes rushing bak to help u up and ur like mad pissed cuz like fuck that hurt and wtf watch where ur going  

But hes apologizing and is like im so sorry im just in a rlly big rush and i didnt rlly see u there and i rlly hav to go now cuz im running late

And ur trying to keep up with wat hes saying cuz everything is just happening so fast and ur still dazed with ur palms stinging from scraping the ground

And then hes leaving screaming over his shoulder saying im rlly srry! My names taehyung (i imagine him as taehyung but anyone who wants to write this can use whomever) and i wrk over at that bakery down the street, come down there and i promise to giv a free treat as an apology and then just like that hes gone and ur still like wtf just happened

And u continue on with ur day, kind of annoyed, but u get home and just relax and get some food and watch some tv

so a few days pass and everythings normal and fine, until one day ur running late and so u hav no time to make breakfast before u leave to work and then u remember that a new bakery opened up near ur workplace and so ull just buy something from there and so u get ready and rush out the door

and then u get to the area and enter the bakery and its all cute with a pink theme and little cupcake and cake and brownie decorations and its all sweet and ur just admiring the place untill u remember fuck im running late

and so u quickly go to the counter and u greet the cashier with a smile and ur like hi can i just get a quick muffin, im running late and need to hurry and the cashier with a nametag saying jimin is all smiles too and is like of course! wat wud u like

and u look over at the display and see these amazing delicious looking muffins and a bunch of other goodies and u see a big double chocolate muffin that looks mouth watering anf u rlly want it but then u get self conscious and start thinking that shit if i order that hes probably gonna think of course the fat one wud order the fat filled treat and so u kind of show a small smile and order the banana and nut muffin instead wen all of a sudden u hear someone call out

and u look behind jimin and see the guy who had bumped into u the other day and ur like oh…

and taehyung rushes up to u and is like hi! i was wondering wen u were gonna come in for ur treat! im rlly rlly srry about the other day, i was running late and my boss seokjin wud murder me if i came in late one more time and he smiles his rectangular smile at u

and u giv him a wary smile and reply a bit confused cuz u hav no idea wat he means by treat and then jimin comes bak with ur muffin and is like here u go! and ur like thanks! and startt giving him ur money wen tae reaches out and is like watre u doing! i said u get a free treat!

and ur like huh? and then he looks at ur order and hes like a banana muffin?! why dnt u try one that i made?

and he ignores jimin whos looking at tae with exasperation and reaches out with the littl tongs and gets that chocolate muffin u were eyeing before and plops that into ur mufin bag as well and at this point ur sort of overwhelmed and u try to refuse cuz ur thinking that u rlly dnt need those extra calories

ut tae refuses and is like its on me, i rlly owe u, and at this point ur srsly running late and so u giv him a smile and say thank u so much and quickly leave the bakery with a bye and ur food and quickly make ur way to ur workplace

and then wen u finally sit down at ur seat and try to regulate ur breathing, u take out ur food to stop the growling from ur stomach and take a bite out of the chocolate muffin and u moan cuz fuck that shits rlly fricking good and probably the best muffin uve ever had and proceed to devour it (and u tell urself that thats already a lot of calories and so i cant eat the banana muffin too, but end up eating it later on not able to resist it)

and u knew that u were definitely gonna go to the bakery more often cuz that place makes heavenly food

and so a few days pass and one day on a day off u go out with ur friend and her boyfriend and u loved spending time with them but seeing all their cute interactions set this longing feeling deep in ur gut and u get sad becuz u rlly wished u had someone like that but u cant help but feel thats never gonna happen

and so to try and make urself feel better u decide to go to the bakery again and get something to lift ur mood

and so u enter the bakery and breathe in the wonderful yummy smell and wait in line to order something wen u hear a familiar voice calling out hey

and u look towards the voice and see taehyung next to a tall broad shouldered man behind the counters looking like they were baking something and hes waving at u wen the man beside him slaps him upside the head and tell him to continue wrking as tae pouts and u cant help but let out a little laugh at that becuz its funny and cute

and then u get to the counter and its jimin again and he givs u a big smile and greets u and asks wat ull hav today and u look to the side to see the differnt assortments they have wen taehyung calls out again saying

try the strawberry shortcake! i made it this mrning!

and then proceeds to earn another glare from the man beside him

and jimin lets out an exasperated laugh and is like srry, ignore tae u can get watever u want of course and ur amused and ur like its fine, i dnt mind i like strawberry and so u decide to go with the recommendation and order the shortcake along with a small hot chocolate with little marshmallows while taehyung beams at u which u return with a chuckle

and then u take ur food and sit at a little booth on the side next to the window and take a bite out of the cake and u cant help but moan at the flavours becuz holy crap how can something be so good

and so u enjoy ur treat and then drink ur hot choclate wen tae comes up to u with a smile

and he sits across u at the table and ur looking at him confused cuz ummm….

and hes like soooooo howd u like the cake? and the muffin i made the other day? its good huh?

and u laugh and ur like i loved them both and u compliment him saying hes an amazing baker and u introduce urself and u guys make small talk and u learn that being a full time baker and opening his own bakery is his dream and the first step to that is becoming an apprentice for his boss seokjin whos also an amazing cook

and u listen to him ramble, honestly surprised at how open hes being with u since u guys are technically strangers

and then he gets called bak by jimin saying his break is over

and its safe to say that ur mood definitely changed for the better and u smile to urself even after he leaves cuz tht was nice

and uk thts how i imagine u guys start to get knowing eachother, u visit the bakery often and talk to tae often and u guys become closer and rlly good friends and its already been a few months since u got to know him and the others at the bakery

and i imagine tae to be a lil shit sometimes constantly winking at u and flirting and tbh u dnt rlly realize it at first becuz flirting? with u? pshh

and then one day u go to ur parents place where ur family was meeting up for a bbq and u were having a good time cuz u missed ur fam

but then ur mom takes u aside and starts talking about ur weight and shes saying how shes wrried about ur weight and about how shes wrried that ull hav trouble finding a life long partner wen ur not healthy and uk shes just concerned for u but it leaves u feeling rlly depressed and u try ur best to hold in ur tears for the rest of the day

and then u finally leave and ur making ur way home, ur head down, chanting in ur head to hold in the tears ur almost home, just hold it in, just hold it in when all of a sudden u hear a familiar voice calling out to u

and he runs up to u and hes like hi! howre u doing?!

and u rlly try to hold it in bcuz taes so sweet and u think that he doesnt need to hear about ur problems but hes smiling so warmly at u and u cudnt hold in ur tears anymore

and taes shocked like hey wats wrong? and he hold onto ur shoulders and u cover ur face cuz fucking great just cry and make urself look like an ugly fat slob with snot everywhere and u feel this hate for urself and taehyung slowly pulls u into a hug and hes trying to soothe u saying its okay its okay

and he ends up bringing u home and u try to tell him ur fine and that he doesnt need to come with u but he refuses to leave u

and then u enter ur place and he sits on the couch with u and hes like im here to listen if u want

and taehyungs such a sweetie and even tho u havnt known him for long, hes become one of ur closest friends and so u spill and tell him wat happened at ur family bbq and u tell him that uk ur fat and unattractive to which he immediately stops u and is like stop no

and he tells u ur beautiful regardless of ur weight and he tells u that honestly he personally thinks its wonderful that u enjoy food and as a baker himself nothing makes him happier than seeing someone enjoy food (especially wen its his) and he tells u that theres someone out there for u becuz ur wonderful and amazing and any guy wud be lucky to hav u as a partner and then he pinches ur cheek and says besides uk how adorable u look? ur cheeks are so cute and he grabs both ur cheeks and pinches

and ur heart is so fond and warm and ur so grateful for having someone like tae in ur life and ur cheeks are red (both from wat tae said and his pinches lool) and u playfully grab his hands and try to pull them off whine at him to stop

and so i can imagine u guy contining to get closer and ur crush on him develops and tae continues to bake things always trying new things and feeding them to u first

and as time passes u like him more and more and the rest of the guys at the bakery smirk at u and tae cuz they know wats going on ;) and they try to convince tae behind the scenes to finally ask u out and tae gets red in the face and stutters and they do the same to u and u turn rlly red and ur like wat? tae wudnt like me tho, to which the other boys groan at cuz like woman how can u be blind to taes constant flirting?

and then he finally does ask u out at one point and ur so fucking happy and u think its a dream

and he helps u gain confidence always murmuring sweet things into ur ears and ughhhlsbfalusid its so cuteeewbuebwujd;

and so yea lmao god this turned out more as a mini scenario than a prompt lmao, well anyone can rewrite this!!! add their own twists to it or watever just remmeber to add credits if u do haha!

well i hope u enjoyed!! byeeee <3 <3