#and my one coworkers priorities are completely fucked

[pastelchad]

Work hasn't made me this mad in a long time I'm literally sweating I'm so fucking angry

[soupthatistohot]

BSD: An Absurdist Analysis - Chapter 10

Friends and Foes

[Masterpost]

The chapter opens with the agency getting news of Atsushi’s capture after last chapter’s events. At first Ranpo and Kunikida respectively argue that the ADA isn’t responsible for saving Atsushi and that they have too much other work to worry about on account of a job involving the ministry. 

But then Fukuzawa appears, demanding everyone to suspend their work to track down Atsushi. Ranpo tries to argue with "logic," but Fukuzawa completely bulldozes him, asserting that Atsushi is their comrade and that he must therefore be their top priority. 

Fukuzawa stands out as the absurdist here to me, forgoing all typical professional protocol simply because one of his employees is in potential danger. Bureaucracy would want the agency to continue work as usual, favoring completing the assignments given to them over Atsushi’s safety, but Fukuzawa is not one to bow down to greater powers (at least, in this instance). 

Fukuzawa’s argument is one of humanity. Empathy. Care. For him, all these values trump Ranpo’s cold logic as he prioritizes the life of his employee over a government assignment. It's quite absurdist of him.

And finally… the moment we all have been waiting for… the infamous soukoku dungeon scene with the one and only babygirl himself, Chuuya Nakahara. What a lovely view indeed.

But in all seriousness, there’s something inherently absurd about the whole situation. Dazai has allowed himself to be captured by not only an enemy organization, but one he is a traitor of— all in the hopes of gaining information. Let it also be noted that Dazai’s coworkers have no idea of his plan at the current moment, he’s gone completely AWOL. And on top of that, he has willingly put himself in the position to converse with his former partner who undoubtedly resents him not only for his betrayal, but also for merely existing. 

And it works. 

His plan works! Despite not having seen or interacted with Chuuya for four years, he is able to flawlessly manipulate him into revealing the information he came for and gets off primarily unharmed (except for the bruises I’m sure will form from Akutagawa and Chuuya’s hits). Yes, Chuuya calls him out on his bluff (he knows he got captured on purpose), but Dazai is still able to convince Chuuya not to kill him. 

This is an example of a protagonist embracing the absurd and it working in their favor. Dazai could have tried a more conventional way of obtaining his intel, but he opted for this seemingly insane method instead. Very often, the absurdist protagonist has to take a wild chance on something despite the possible pitfalls. Put simply: you’ll never know if you don’t try.

Not only is the situation inherently absurd, but so too is their interaction. They bicker. They tease. Dazai makes Chuuya do an impression of a rich girl. It’s fucking ridiculous and it’s also all par for the course for their relationship.

I would like to quickly note here that in these analyses I will not be making a case for any ship, and that includes soukoku. It is no secret that I very much ship these idiots, but I can also acknowledge that Asagiri did not write these characters with the intention of building a romantic relationship and reading it as such is simply my interpretation. However, this does not mean that soukoku don’t have a very complicated, close, soulmate-esque bond. Platonic interpretations can still involve these traits.

Admittedly, I am jumping the gun a bit here, as this interaction doesn’t resolve until the next chapter, but I’ve read this scene so many times that I know what I want to say about it, so there it is!

As always, I’m always open to chat about my analyses! I love hearing feedback and additional thoughts, so feel free to reblog or drop questions in my ask box :)

[Previous]

[moremaybank]

THIS LOVE (III) — j.m

pairing actor!jj maybank x actress!reader

chapter summary you and jj try to navigate through the aftermath of jj's love profession to the media, alongside your managers and publicists. they come up with a plan, but you're not totally (or even slightly) on board with their idea.

warnings domestic violence/abuse (fuck luke maybank forever), language, jj doubting himself thanks to luke, i think that's it

recommended listening a bad dream by keane, heavy by kiana ledé

this love — the complete playlist ;; the masterlist ;; the tag list

❝ CHAPTER THREE ❞

This just in! Hollywood’s princess, Y/N Y/L/N, was spotted with superstar JJ Maybank outside of Harding Studios in Los Angeles yesterday evening. Y/L/N revealed that the two of them are costars for the studio’s upcoming romantic comedy, Love’s Second Act. However, when we approached the two hottest actors in the biz, there were sparks of what appeared to be real-life chemistry. Y/L/N claimed the two are just coworkers (her words, definitely not ours) with some clear disdain, while Maybank decided to make a statement. “I’ve known Y/N Y/L/N since I was seven years old. She was my best friend, and my favourite person in the world, and I really hurt her. But I’m going to win her back. Make sure that’s on the front page of whatever tabloid you work for. I want her — and the world — to know.” Seems like things could be heating up between these reconnecting stars. So stay tuned, readers. Details to come!

-

Y/N

You doubt that there’s anyone in this world more selfish than JJ Maybank. Trying to pull you back into his web is one thing, but going to the tabloids and airing out your personal business to the world is going way overboard. 

Now, you’re stuck heading to a meeting with him alongside both of your managers and publicists as you try to navigate the massive influx of attention on you both. Your manager, and best friend, Madelyn is up to the task. She lives for this kind of spotlight, claiming it’ll do wonders for your career. You, however, are definitely not on board with whatever plan she, along with your publicist, Ashley, are going to cook up with JJ’s team. 

Currently, Madelyn is driving you and herself to the office, where you plan to meet up with JJ, his manager Josh and publicist Andrea. It just so happens that you’re both with the same management company. 

Lucky for you.

“I cannot believe he got us into this mess,” you sulk as you sink into the passenger seat of Madelyn’s Range Rover. “I’m getting flashbacks to being eighteen, and that’s not exactly a time I’d like to relive.”

“You’re so dramatic,” she laughs. “It’ll be fine.”

Madelyn pulls into the parking lot, throwing her car into park and turning to look at you. She can see the nerves beginning to take over. “Hey,” she says. “You got this.”

“I don’t know if I do, Mads. I mean, you know everything that happened with JJ and I back then. It’s hard, seeing him again. It was different when I was reading about his rise to stardom. But working with him, and now him trying to reinsert himself in my life…”

You stop yourself before your voice has the chance to waiver. You don’t want to cry over him. It’s been too long. But now, having to deal with him almost everyday, the wound feels brand new again. And it nearly killed you the first time. 

Madelyn squeezes your shoulder. “Look, I don’t want you to worry. It’s not going to be easy, but as your manager, I have to take any chance I can at advancing your career, and the truth is, JJ has the street cred. I promise there will be a bright side to this. Endorsements and brand deals, new acting opportunities. Who knows what could happen, or who’ll approach you. You know I’d never force you into anything, but I really believe that we gotta do this.”

As hard as it is, you know she has a point. She’s always believed in you, and has put your career at the top of her priority list always. The least you can do is stick it out and have faith in her the way she does with you.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She asks, her eyes glimmering brightly as she grins.

“Yeah. You’re right. Who knows what’s in store, right? And my career is the most important thing to me. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m so proud to be your manager-slash-best friend,” she grins, clapping her hands as she squeals with excitement.

You can’t help but smile too. “Me too, Mads.”

-

You walk into JJ’s manager’s office at Floyd Management, instantly being greeted by his manager and publicist. Your eyes lock momentarily with the blonde’s, before his manager speaks.

“Y/N, great to meet you. I’m Josh Parker, and this is Andrea Scott, JJ’s publicist.”

“Andrea. Big fan,” she speaks.

“Nice to meet you both,” you say, shaking both their hands. “This is Madelyn Davis, my manager, and my publicist, Ashley Sawyer is unfortunately unable to make it today. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.”

“No worries,” Josh assures you. “Andrea’s been in touch with her, game-planning and what not. She gave us the go ahead to get things started in her absence.”

“Awesome,” you smile. You hesitantly take a seat next to JJ in front of Josh’s desk when he motions you to sit there.

“So, we’ve all been doing some talking, and we’ve devised a plan that should help with the takeoff of your new film.”

“Great. What did you have in mind?” Madelyn questions. “I’m not sure if you know about Y/N and JJ’s history, but I won’t force her into something that makes her uncomfortable.”

Josh nods, “We completely understand that, but given the circumstances, we aren’t sure that you’re going to be too thrilled about our idea.”

Confusion fills you, as well as your nerves which have made a reappearance. “What is this idea, exactly?”

“Well,” Andrea begins, “To be honest…your shared history is aligned with the plot of the movie you two are going to be working on soon. It’s all about second chances. Reconnecting with your first love and rediscovering the undeniable connection that still lingers between you.”

Uh oh, you think. I don’t think I like where this is going.

“It’s perfect, really. Ex-childhood best friends and high school sweethearts falling back in love as they prepare to shoot a romantic comedy of an almost identical nature. You really couldn’t ask for better publicity.”

You want to ask questions, but JJ beats you to it. 

“So what exactly are you asking us to do?” 

“We think the two of you should form a fake relationship. We’ll start with a soft launch, hinting that the two of you are reconciling, and thanks to JJ’s statement last week, it’ll be easy for fans to catch. Then, we’ll work our way toward the hard launch, confirming your relationship and springing it forth to the public eye. You’ll have to move in together to keep up the ruse. We’ll organize a small press tour where the two of you can discuss your sordid past and how you’ve come back together right in time for the film, ensuring that the public will witness an indisputable chemistry between you two on screen, should they choose to watch. The press will eat it up, as well as the fans, and it’ll help both the movie’s sales as well as the advancement for both of your careers.”

You’re unable to move. You’re left there, slack jawed as you try to fathom how the hell you’re supposed to move forward with this godforsaken plan. 

“And this would help JJ out tremendously with the predicament he’s currently in,” Josh chimes in with a nervous chuckle.

“Predicament? I’m sorry, what predicament?” Madelyn asks. 

Josh turns to JJ, “I thought you said they knew?”

“Yeah, uh, I lied about that, actually,” JJ responds, scratching his brow and trying to shield his face from your view. 

“What else is new?” You murmur, more to yourself than anyone else, but they all hear your comment anyway. JJ chooses to ignore it, as does everyone else.

“It’s all right,” JJ speaks, “You can tell them. If I wanna get Y/N back, I gotta start being honest, right?”

You laugh sarcastically, “Ha. You’re not getting me back, Maybank.”

“Just tell her,” JJ urges.

“Right…well, you see…JJ has been in his…rebellious phase lately, and it seems that three women filmed themselves having relations with JJ…together. They’ve threatened to release it unless we pay them hush money. But, if you agree to our plan, then we can get ahead of it in case the women choose to leak it. We can say that JJ was lost and succumbing to the pressure of an immense amount of fame at such a young age, and say that once you reentered his life, it changed him for the better. Almost as if you solved all his problems just by being there again.”

“So let me get this straight…you want me to agree to be in a fake relationship with JJ so his whoring doesn’t tear his career and reputation to shreds? Yeah, fat chance,” you speak, crossing your arms. “Besides, who’s really going to believe that I can change him anyway?”

“To be fair, I do,” Josh states. “I mean, you must have some affect in him. This is the first time he’s been early to a meeting in eight months.”

You cock your brow, slightly turning your head to look at JJ beside you. He busies himself by picking at a string from the rips of his jeans. “Is that true?”

“Do you care if it is?”

“Nope. Just asking a question.”

“Yes, it’s true,” Andrea cuts in. “JJ’s been a mess for months. One sight of you and boom, his head is already getting back in the game.” 

Yeah, right.

“Look, you guys might believe that JJ cares about what I think, or that he might listen to me, and maybe I used to as well, but he proved me wrong. And I’m not interested in being proven wrong again.”

“Well, maybe if you let me explain what really happened, then—”

“I don’t need you to explain,” you grit out. “I was there. I lived it.”  

“Damn it, Y/N, will you just—”

“Alright!” Madelyn interrupts, halting JJ from speaking further. “Y/N and I will take some time to think about this. Arguing isn’t going to solve anything. Just give us a few days and we’ll be in touch.”

Madelyn gets up, shakes Josh and Andrea’s hands and walks out of the office with you following suit, hot on her trail.

Finally. It’s over.

-

“So, what do you think?” Madelyn asks when the two of you step into her office in the same building. The elevator ride and the walk had both been eerily quiet, and she knew your mind was racing. 

“What do I think?” You scoff, making a beeline for the small bar tray in the corner room. You pour yourself a shot of tequila and down it without a second thought. “I think that this plan is bullshit, Mads. I’m already struggling with the fact that he’s going to be my on-screen love interest for the next few months. But starting a fake relationship? Does everyone think I’m some kind of masochist?”

It was crazy. More than crazy. 

“Of course, nobody thinks that, babe. But…”

“Oh, no. But what?”

“Okay, don’t get mad, but I really do think that JJ seems remorseful. And I’m not saying that his obvious regret excuses what he did, because it doesn’t, but I am saying that at the very least, he’s in the position to help your career. Josh and Andrea are both legends in this business, and if they believe this plan will work…”

You let out a groan, holding your head in your hands. “I need another shot,” you monotone, turning back to the bar to pour yourself some more tequila.

“I’d join you, but I gotta get going. I’ll call you later. Just think about it. And don’t forget to lock the door when you’re finished,” she says, grabbing her purse and heading for the door. You hear her open the door and then begin to speak to someone, but you assume she’s taken a phone call. That’s before you hear the footsteps approaching you. 

“Change your mind about that drink?”

“Actually, uh, Madelyn’s gone, but I’ll take you up on that offer.”

No. Absolutely not. There’s no way this man has the audacity to speak to you after that nightmare of a meeting.

“You can’t be here. You need to go, JJ.”

He moves from his place in the doorway, slowly walking in your direction. He still keeps his distance, knowing it’ll set you off if he gets too close. “I’m here to talk about work, all right? Not about us.”

“That’s good,” you reply, “ seeing as there is no us.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I had no idea you’d be working on this movie, and I never would’ve agreed to it if I did. But that doesn’t change where we are now. I know you hate me, I do. And I know it’s hard for you to even look me in the eye, but I also know that you value your career. You worked hard to get to where you are, and so did I. I think this could be good for us. Y’know, work wise.”

You gather yourself, taking your second shot before slowly turning around to face him. 

You step closer to him, finally and truly face to face. 

“You really expect me to help you save your career after what you did? It changed me, JJ. You changed me. I worked damn hard to get where I am, and I worked especially hard to demolish that insecure and poor little girl who let a guy dictate her self worth. I have absolutely zero intentions of going back.”

You notice the guilt flash over his features, though you try your hardest not to. 

“I’m not asking you to. I just…fuck, Y/N/N, I’m beggin’ you here. I can’t revert to who I was back then either. I can’t feel like that again,” he said.

Flashback - Five Years Ago

JJ

JJ awoke early the following morning, unfortunately being reminded of the fact that he had an early shift. He still had to go home, get ready, and make his way to the country club over on Figure Eight. 

What he wanted to do was stay in bed with you. Watch you sleep peacefully, stain kisses into your skin, whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Remind you of how much he loved you and how his long-awaited dream was finally coming true. 

But he was also reminded of the fact that there were bills to pay. With Luke currently in jail, someone had to work to barely afford to keep his childhood home, no matter how many sour memories it held within its walls. 

JJ’s hand smoothed up your arm, stroking your shoulder. “How did the universe come up with you, huh?” He spoke in a hushed tone, careful not to wake you from your slumber. “Can’t believe I get to call you mine.”

A few minutes of doting went by, and then JJ lowered his head to press a chaste kiss to your forehead before slowly climbing out of bed. He got dressed, and when he was finished, he headed over to your desk. He grabbed a scrap piece of paper and jotted down a note, leaving it by your bedside before heading out. 

-

JJ got off his bike, nudging the kick stand into place before hopping off and approaching his house. He couldn’t wipe the large grin off his face even if he tried as he stepped through the door. 

“I got the girl. I finally got the girl,” he said to himself. 

It all felt so surreal. Like it was too good to be true. He’d waited years to hear those words fall from your lips, had waited even longer to speak them to you himself. And now, both of those things had happened, and JJ felt like he was on top of the world. 

“Hm, is that so?”

Until now.

“Dad, what’re you— You’re back?”

Luke stumbled as he approached JJ from the kitchen, obviously drunk and back to his regular scheduled bullshit. 

“Yeah, looks like it. Now, about that girl. You meant Y/N, didn’t you?”

“None of your business.”

JJ had always done his best to keep you out of the drama that was Luke. He barely let you come around in Luke’s presence. His number one priority was to protect you, always. Especially from the man who’d been beating him his entire life. 

Luke chuckled dryly, “You know you’ll never be enough for her, JJ.”

“That’s not true.”

“That what she told you?” Luke questioned, getting closer to him. JJ could smell the liquor on his breath, a familiar and unwelcome fragrance where his father was concerned. He turned his head to the side, trying to avoid it, as well as bitter look on Luke’s face.

“You’re nothin’ but a greedy salt-lifer, just like me. You’re worthless. And you sure as hell aren’t gettin’ off this damn island. Y/N will soon see that. There’s no hope for you, boy, and certainly not any goddamn love.”

“Shut up,” JJ spat.

“What’d you just say?”

“I said, shut up!” JJ exclaimed, shoving Luke away from him. 

“Don’t you dare touch me, boy,” Luke gritted, throwing a sharp punch and hitting JJ square in the jaw. He watched as JJ spat out the blood pooling in his mouth, and scramble in an attempt to get up. He wasn’t quick enough, though, and Luke kicked him in the abdomen, sending JJ onto the ground and landing flat on his back. 

Towering over him, Luke grabbed him by the collar and pressed him back down. JJ felt a sharp pain the back of his head as it hit the floor beneath him. A groan escaped his lips, and he screwed his eyes shut.

“Your mama couldn’t even love you, and you expect her to stick around? What do you have to offer her, huh? Your beat up clothes? The quick cash you make from selling your weed? All the shit you steal when you pick up work on Figure Eight? You have nothing. You are nothing. Like I said, you will never be good enough for her.”

-

JJ sulked throughout his entire shift. He couldn’t help it. Luke’s words had been echoing in his mind over and over, like a song on loop that would never cease. 

You have nothing. You are nothing.

He had a point, didn’t he? JJ knew he didn’t have the means to provide you with the beautiful life you deserved. He had barely felt a mother’s love before she took off, and was then left to be raised by the hands of a monster. He couldn’t deck you out with fancy clothes and jewelry or gift you a luxurious home and car like the guys over on Figure Eight, or even around the globe. 

You will never be good enough for her.

All JJ could give to you was his heart, and he started to wonder if that would come up short as well. 

End of Flashback

You screw yourself over when your eyes lock with his. You can see the pain behind them, still as prominent as it’d been all those years ago. He’s wearing the same look he always did whenever Luke would lay a hand on him. Trying to keep himself together, even though he was tearing himself up inside. You’d never admit it, but it still hurt, seeing him like this. You know it’s genuine, but is that really enough to trust him?

“Please,” JJ presses.

You let out a deep sigh, half-wanting to drink yourself into a stupor and blackout so you could erase this entire day from your memory. 

“Stop. You don’t get to guilt me into this, or make me out to be the bad guy. I can’t just say yes. I…I need to think about all of this.”

“Right. Of course,” he says, looking down as he plays with his fingers. “I understand.”

JJ begins to walk away, his back now facing you with his shoulders slumped. He disappears into the hallway, and you can tell he feels defeated. You’re planning on saying no. You both know that. It doesn’t need to be said out loud. And, to be quite honest, it kills you; the fact that it feels like you’re killing him. You still hold so much ill will toward him within you. So much hurt. You feel as small as you did when he walked away from what you two had. But seeing someone you loved for so long in pain is never easy. 

It never will be.

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[fuck-customers]

a fuck my manager/coworkers rant:

store manager got a new girlfriend back in October and since then work has been his second priority (EVEN DURING THE HOLIDAYS). Which is understandable in some regards but him and his ex literally broke up over him wanting to prioritize work. So often he goes off on two hour lunch dates with his GF we can see (at the shitty brunch place across the parking lot) when he said he was just going to go run the deposit to the bank. And he doesn't fucking COMMUNICATE anymore. One of my coworkers was given 5 days to completely rearrange a section of the store that was due last month but no one knew bc he never TOLD anyone and now he wants it done before Inventory is due. This entire month our rewards program is doing a special double points when purchasing a certain brand. I didn't find out until TODAY (the 20th) when I saw it on the TV image slide thing. The assistant manager didn't know until the Eighth.

He ignored and denied phone calls from our shift lead when on Valentine's Day when a customer was screaming at her, SM claimed that his sister was in labor and he was with her (dude you can step out of the room for five minutes) but we ALL know he was at V-day dinner with his GF (it was 5pm.)

He's on salary and should be working 40 hours and is technically on the clock all the time but he ignores people's text messages and shows up to work 15-30 minutes late every day and tries to leave early. He randomly goes out of town and only tells people last minute. There's no way he's making his 40 hours and NO ONE can do anything about it. He's been reported to our district manager several times and when she comes over to talk to him about it they just spend an hour in the back room giggling together because she doesn't care and loves him! All that matters is the store is doing well numbers wise.

... well it's not Anymore. because he's been so out of WACK that no one wants to put in effort working anymore. Bye bye 4.15 UPT and 40 DPT goal. have fun with the average 2.5 UPT. We've been consistently missing our sales goal. Oh well. Sorry buddy.

My biggest irritant though is that we are a pet store and like I don't care if my coworkers wanna slack on sales, but when they slack on caring for our animals is where I lose my mind and I'm sick and tired of having to pick up everyone's slack in that regard bc the management doesn't care either, they won't check over how animal care got done and so I have to be the one to make sure our animals aren't literally standing in soiled bedding 24/7.

I hate it here. In May it will be two years and I'm making minimum wage still, because every time the MW goes up, I lose any raise I had received. I should be making more than the hire we got two months ago but I don't. It makes me want to tear my hair out. I want to strangle our DM because she is the only thing keeping me from getting promoted, she wants me to have a car but company policy says 3/4 managers need a car. Everyone else does!! I would literally be lowest position anyways, I'm just there to pick up management slack I'm not there for big issues.

hate it here.

@staff I HATE the new text editor!

[booksandchainmail]

Pale 10.4

oooh, I wasn't sure we'd get a Verona chapter this arc

“Can’t show you this one, Tash.” Tashlit, lounging on a beach towel, reached toward her waist and gestured. “No, this one isn’t rude."

I like the unstated "gesture"

Tashlit held up a finger.  One.  Then the ‘what?’ gesture. “The first most recent email is a reminder from Ding Phones that my prepaid phone account is almost out of funds, please visit the site to top up.”

I'm reminded of a great bit from Bloom Into You where the protagonist is eagerly awaiting a response from love interest, and when her phone pings it's an automated version update notification

“My mom tried to give me the dumbed down explanations but it felt a lot like I was in the way.  So I gave the excuse I had to get stuff sorted out.  And then we left a couple days after and we stopped in for a visit with her artist friend and I think that was meant for me.  Like, she thought I would be receptive and I’d get it and stuff, and it was cool to see the guy’s studio and stuff but like, I’m here and that guy’s alllll the way over there.”

I got to avoid this as a kid: if the people coming over for dinner were family friends who would want to talk with me I would stay, if not I could eat early and then just hang out elsewhere instead of having to stay at the table while conversations went over my head.

“Oh.  Disappointed, but not disappointed in me.  Maybe.”

disappointed in her own parenting skills?

Verona grabbed her book, flipped back a few pages, and found the image she’d drawn after Tashlit had insisted she would take every art critique seriously.  It was rude: a crude and rude drawing of a guy hugging a two-foot-wide boner that came up to the top of his head.

well if all else fails you have a career path on furry twitter

Jeremy replied.  I don’t know how to respond except pic just made my week.  Have some pics of Sir.

oh big mood, I also start messages with "I don't know how to respond" or something similar. If I wait to try and find words for a good response I just never send it.

“Is my dad going to jail?” The words left her lips before she realized she’d asked. “Is that another priority, Verona? That your dad be punished?” It was subtle. The tone a little cooler than before, less warm. Oh. She’d fucked it. She’d thoroughly fucked it, hadn’t she? Because now the idea was in David’s head. That she’d had an argument with her dad and things had gone wrong and now she was a manipulator or she was trying to get back at him and he was a tool for her to do that.

I can't tell if the child protective services guy is geniunely disapproving, or if Verona is panicking and reading too much into it. Because tone cooling here could mean a lot of things (ie David worrying that things were worse than he thought). If it is that says bad things about him! Honestly my first thought in this scenario (especially Verona was talking about not wanting to move) would be that she was scared of hr life getting completely disrupted by her dad getting arrested.

It's also sad that Verona's first thought on getting a (possibly) negative reaction to a genuine emotion is worrying that it makes her look manipulative or petty, because that is 100% what her dad has been telling her

The way he looked off to one side here and there made her wonder if he felt like his time was being wasted, now.  Or misused.  He kept taking notes when there wasn’t anything to take notes on.

I think "kid in a protective meeting visibly panics when told their parent won't be arrested" is something to take notes on!

“Sits in bed and sobs and tells me everything I’m doing wrong and everything he’s doing wrong and stuff about my mom.” “Okay. How often is that?” “Two to six nights a week, except when I’m away, or like, not nights but in the kitchen after he gets home from work, he’ll start telling me I didn’t mow the lawn or whatever and then it gets into how much his coworkers suck.”

... that is more often than I thought it was. Six nights a week at max, gods.

“Exacerbated by life circumstances?” he asked.  He started to take a note. “Not- no,” she said. She watched him continue to take the note, ignoring the ‘no’. She could imagine that penned down ‘life circumstances’ taking all the heat out of what she was saying.

I cannot tell if Verona is reading this accurately and this guy is going to be useless or not. Leaning towards not because I want to be optimistic.

“The third was- we went shopping and I got on his case, called him a bad dad and stuff. I pushed his buttons on purpose, because I could. And he freaked and stopped the car in the middle lane of a three lane road and made me get out. Cars were honking their horns and passing on the left and right. And I had icecream I’d bought for myself I was too full to eat and it melted while I walked home. I guess that doesn’t count when I think about it.”

I MEAN YOU'RE RIGHT THAT ISN'T TECHNICALLY BREAKING YOUR THINGS BUT IT IS IN FACT MORE WORRYING FOR DIFFERENT REASONS

“When was this?” “Christmas.”

winter in Canada? Admittedly I don't know that much about the weather but that seems hazardous

How could she even put it into words?  It was pressure and pressure over years.  It was telling her dad about her problems and it never mattering because he always one-upped her, and that added up little by little.

fascinated to see what people have done for Worm-style powers for Verona based on this as a trigger event

“Are you and your dad close?” “No. I think he wants us to be.” “How does he want you to be close?” “Hanging out, watching movies. He’d rather I didn’t see my friends and instead went with him. I think he’s lonely.”

I normally think of this as a red flag in romantic relationships, but it's even more one in a familial relationship

It felt like every time he was making notes, he was taking down the statements or arguments she felt were weakest and most unimportant.  Or stuff that made her dad seem more okay than he was. Dad’s lonely, wants to bond with shitty daughter.

I really don't think that's why he's taking a note of it!

And also wow does Verona place the blame on herself all the time. No wonder she has self-esteem issues as part of the Kennet Trio, if this is how her dad has taught her to think of herself

…She wasn’t even sure what she wanted.  She wanted to land this entire thing in the zone where she left her dad’s and went to Jas’s.  That was the perfect outcome.  It’s bad, gotta take this girl out of there, it’s crushing her and making her feel small and broken.  So we pick her up and take her… no, that’s too far.  Where’s a place we can put her that’s out of the house but not that super far away… Jas’s house!

yesyesyesyesyes. The guy mentioned temporary custody earlier, could that be this?

And even if it wasn’t impossible she couldn’t burden Jas like that, especially if Jas had a job she wanted and no time or money.

this has also been my concern with what is otherwise the perfect solution. Would the government provide a stipend for caring for Verona? It's not like she takes a lot of maintenance time-wise

“Almost died?  Tell me about that.” “At this thing I went to at the start of summer. I don’t want to get into it, it…

I think that's the kind of thing he has to follow up on, actually. Verona's dad not wanting more info on this was a red flag, and I don't think Verona recognizes how weird that was

I mean, she can probably pass it off as like an outdoors accident at summer camp (storm while hiking, bridge broke, etc etc) but she should have to at least come up with a story!

“Right now we’re in a middle stage, deciding what the immediate needs are.  It doesn’t sound like you need to be removed from the home, and it doesn’t sound like you want to be removed from the home.”

:(

“I want to leave that house.  I don’t want to go back,” Verona said.  “But can’t I go to Jasmine’s, instead?  Can’t- isn’t there a way to-” Breath hitched.  She was aware her mom was sitting next to her.  “Can’t we- you guys give money to foster parents, right?  So couldn’t I go there, and couldn’t, um, you could give her money and I wouldn’t be a burden, and she’s a really good mom to Lucy and she’s lovely.”

the degree to which Verona is breaking down in this conversation is distressing

Verona didn’t know what to say when what she’d already said and how she’d reacted had probably hurt her mom, and her mom didn’t say anything.

eh, deserved

“Is it possible?  To give Verona what she wants?  I don’t imagine the money from the system going to her would be possible, like she suggested, but if we could divert child support, maybe?”

surprising W from Verona's mom! I mean, it means she doesn't have to change her life at all to accommodate her own child, so low bar, but this is also what Verona wants

“We’d be looking at… the schedule’s tight.  This looks like, hm, three at-home visits over three months.  During those visits, I or someone else with access to the file would be checking in to make sure that all course participation is maintained, that the house is safe.  I would check in with Verona.” “Only three visits?  She’s so upset right now.” “Resources are stretched thin.” “You’re sending her back to that house?”

well fuck.

Lowering my estimation of CAS right back down.

Guess it's time to see if we can get Verona set up with a Demesne she can live in?

“I finished talking with David Williams.  Then I called Jasmine, and I called your dad, and I called Jasmine again.” Verona looked up. “She’ll take you until the end of summer. Your dad agreed to it.”

oh fuck yes

And one way or another, by the end of summer things will be different

She was going to Jasmine’s.  What came after could be saved for after. The headache was gradually easing.

:)

“So he gave my mom a preliminary plan of three visits from CAS over three months, right?” Verona told Tashlit. Nod. “And that’s now going to be twelve over six.” Double nod. “And originally, anger management classes and parenting classes.  Now it’s anger management classes and parenting and therapy.”

on the one hand, bleak that it took the drawing to get this boosted. On the other, good that this is happening, and specifically that when Verona felt she couldn't get meaning across in words, she was able to use her art to communicate

“I hate that we go off and do our own things and we don’t cross paths. And it is entirely my fault as the mom that I let it happen. A part of me hoped my situation would change or we’d grow into new interests that did have those overlaps… I did with my mom. It took until I was seventeen or eighteen before I could talk to her, adult to adult. But I screwed up.”

Yeah you did! I mean I also didn't have a lot of shared interests with my mother as a teenager, and I still tease her about saying "You know, I actually like you as a person" when I was ~22 (liking the person I was as an independent adult, as opposed to just loving me as her daughter) (english is my mother's fourth language so phrasing is sometimes off). But she still did her best to understand my interests, and was always engaged in my life. Adult to adult is not the only way to have a strong relationship with your child!

“Call.  Anytime, any reason.  I would move heaven or earth for you.” “But you wouldn’t move,” Verona said

ouch

“Want to turn in earl-” her mom said, at the same time Verona said, “Want to look at my art?” “I would love to,” her mom replied.

baby steps :)

“Boyfriend material?” “Blegh. No. Not what I’m after.” “A boyfriend? Are you-?” “Nope. No, I wish. It’d be nice. No, it’s not the boyfriend part of that.  It’s the material part of that.  I’m immaterial.  Maybe I’ll get there, maybe I won’t, but not right now.  Lucy and Avery keep saying stuff like ‘uh oh’, poor Jeremy.” “That doesn’t sound friendly.” “It’s sorta accurate.  Because we’re hanging out and he likes me and I don’t like anyone like that, so…”

aro Verona rights

A figure stepped out of darkness, and it wasn’t the local Others come to check in with her or welcome her to the area.

UHM?

“You tell me.  Look what I found, or well, look who found me while I was out there!” At that cue, Miss stepped out from behind the power pole. Wind picked up and dust from the roadside hid her face.

oh fuck yes

“A good one,” Miss said, walking past the girls.  She walked up to Rook, and the two of them hugged.  “Hello, it’s been some time.”

huh! Didn't see that coming, but potentially very useful if they have Miss bridging the gap between them and Crooked Rook

“I asked Rook to make sure you three were more or less alright until I could find my way back.  She has, I hope.” “She said she didn’t want to associate with us.” “Maintaining that position let Matthew, Edith, and the rest draw their own conclusions about my intents and goals,” Rook said. “And it helps keep this secret right here.”

clever clever clever! This completly changes the balance of power in Kennet. Miss back, Crooked Rook as an ally, by extension Nibble and Chloe...

“Rook,” Miss said, sounding more than a little upset.  She turned her head Rook’s way, and Rook adjusted the position of the mask perfectly, in accordance with that.

this is cute

“As long as Montague could seize control of the diagram at any time, on Matthew and Edith’s request… Miss can’t come into Kennet.”

good counter for Miss, but I think Montague might be recruitable? something to work on

“I’m thinking back to a few nights ago.  At the factory.  Edith pretty much sent Chloe right at us.  She was aggressive with the furs, she’s been testing the rules.  What if we dealt with her, like, right away?” “Let’s,” Rook answered.

OwO

[itsbetterthananal]

my new supervisor can honestly go to hell like how are you gonna chastise me and threaten me with a write up because i printed and put together like 50 patients paperwork but didnt finish highlighting bc i had an ibs flareup. its fucking highlighting. you can literally do it as you go. and then the morning girl completely lied and said i didnt do the insurance forms completely/correctly and im like. yes i fucking did. yes i did. i busted my ass to finish those last night, stressed myself out so they wouldnt have to do it. and now im being called into your office and not being given a crumb of benefit of the doubt, for what? because 3/4 of your morning staff called out? but sure, i was the one who created the mess by “not completing my responsibilities”. as if im not acting manager the moment she walks out the door at 4, being interrupted every 10 minutes to fix somebody elses problem without the pay rise. and then she reads out our “statistics” as if this is a static job where we just come and sit and work and not get constantly interrupted by patients or techs or phone calls and the workload is different every single day. like bro youve barely been here 2 months, you have NEVER worked the night shift so you dont know how it works or what the priorities are, and now you’re insinuating that im a liar who twiddles her thumbs all night long and treating me (and my other coworkers) like we are just numbers on a screen. im so close to just walking out bro im so serious im not stressing myself out over a passive aggresive bitch who refuses to understand

[monk-of-suffering]

I guess what sucks about my life right now is that every day my muscles are either constantly spasming, sometimes so much I can sometimes hardly finish a sentence, or have spasmed so frequently that it's downright painful. usually it's not that bad but even so, spasms or pain nonstop for probably 10 of my 12 waking hours, and yes, I do sleep for 12 hours, otherwise I get sick with some kind of bug for weeks on end.

or maybe the spasming will just make me feel so weak that I can hardly or not even walk. that's not often but it's been happening more.

even when none of those things are happening, my body can't and won't stay still in a way that is anything but unendingly uncomfortable. if it's not spasms, it's tics, or shaking. my brain is falling apart in front of my eyes but i'll just go about my day as usual.

then there's the appetite stuff. how I can feel famished but the moment I look at good I am no longer hungry. how how I've been feeling bloated from eating too much from eating a shocking small amount of food. how much I've felt like crying the past few days from being hungry without an appetite.

even with my normality of having to rush to the bathroom to dry heave, it has been getting much more frequently and much stronger. it's getting hard to hide at work without speed walking to the bathroom. and even when I'm not, I am often walking around with a low level of nausea, all the time. i never know if a glass of water i'm about to drink is going to make me retch.

then there's the fact that I stare into the fucking void that is the the us medical system - doctors not giving a fuck about finding answers, just going to shove pills down me until they find something that works regardless as to if it has side effects years later. like these spasms might be from. this is going to be med number 5 or 6 and every one so far has made the pain way, way worse, so the pattern says that's what I'm in for for the near future. suffering even worse pain than I am right now as the only fucking way I know to move forward.

then at work, my boss has been out for weeks and I'm doing my best to keep a guy who I think might quit from quitting but it's stressing me the fuck out. then there's the coworker who I try to forget exists because he never does shit is maybe actually trying a little and I have to navigate that too, on top of the complete normality of everything being top priority and urgent projects needing to ship before the last one is even done. all of this while constantly distracted by pain or spasms.

oh, and I kind of came out to my dad on a video and called him out on his unaddressed internalized bigotry and we're going to have a conversation this weekend about it

then on Monday is the oncology appointment that I think is going to tell me that I'm going to die. I could be wrong but that's what I feel right now and it's fucking horrifying, because I want to know and I don't want to know

and of course, throughout all of this, there is the fundamental base of my psyche that is self-loathing in depression.

which is why none of this matters, because I don't matter. I am here to try to make other people's lives better to offset the damage I cause to others, even though I know I never can.

[shrimpynobashi]

Today one of my closest friends did a fuckywucky to another one of my friends, then instead of owning up to it, or even acknowledging it, or even acknowledging me, completely ignored it. It made me angry that it happened, but what’s more, it made me angry that I let her get away with it.

I have this stark memory in the navy about how I, as a senior enlisted person in my division, told my junior, Fenstermaker, to do a maintenance item after he got off watch. This is a very normal thing. In fact, as the sort-of LPO, it was my job. So, the next morning, when I got up, and the maintenance item wasn’t done, I didn’t get mad. I got livid. I went to the bunkroom, tossed his rack curtain back, grabbed him by his hair and the seat of his pants, and literally dumpstered him onto the floor. I had him explain to me why he didn’t do it, that he was sad and missed his wife, and then I lit into him, in front of the entire division, that we *all* were sad, and we *all* missed our wives. The little comforts that were afforded to us was due to the fact that when we went to bed, we had confidence that our fellow sailors would keep shit intact for us long enough to wake up and do the same for them.

I got chewed out for that. Mostly for the physical violence.

But it was a lesson that I sort of taught myself out of anger. I ruminated on what I told him (purely out of spite) and it was something that I knew that wouldn’t extend into civilian life. It’s something that’s hard to replicate; my faith in my coworkers isn’t to prevent a life-or-death scenario, nor should it be. This further extends to my friends, wherein lies the problem.

Another life lesson was last year, for my birthday, I had this large party (as I normally did--if there was ever a reason to celebrate with friends, I would employ it). It was for the most part, one of my favorite birthdays in memory. My wife hid a Smirnoff Ice in my cake and I chugged a 24 oz. bottle in front of everyone. We drank until about 5 AM. I had some wonderful conversations with people I didn’t know I meant that much to.

The next morning, I awoke to my cats frantically trying to get me up. This is normal. They get hungry. So I woke to feed them, and as I approached the kitchen, I stepped on something wet. And again. And my cats stared at me like, “hey, man, what the fuck is up with this?” Turns out, (another of) one of my closest friends smashed my fucking toilet and just...went to bed. It overflowed. It caused $5,400 in property damage. My house still hasn’t actually recovered from it.

Over the next few months, I’d take their friendship and try to be understanding, because, after all, they were in dire straits. Their family wasn’t well-off, and they were going through things. I wanted to be there for them because I thought that if I wasn’t, then no one would be.

This line of reasoning, as it turns out, happens a lot to me.

I remember one thing the guy who flooded my house told me, about how he couldn’t believe I would throw it all away because of this incident. It took me a few weeks to realize that was him manipulating me to think that I was the selfish one.

I am not smart. I have the mental capacity to understand something when I sit down with a textbook and read about it. I love learning. Hard sciences are my favorite. You know what I’m shit at, though? Social things.

Tonight reiterated to me a thought I’ve had for a while, that my friends use me specifically to fulfill a need that only I can achieve for them. It’s time to stop begging for people’s attention, I think, and find some friends who will treat me like equals again.

Ignoring me when I asked for an apology was really all I needed to know about where I fell on your priorities. We’re good, but just know that our relationship will never be the same. The time for apologies is over. I am so weary.

[basedandradpilled]

hi there! so I've already asked sapphicgem for advice, so if you want you can ignore

but, my friend who's a lesbian and in her mid 20s is in a very dangerous situation

her boss purposefully kept her from pursuing a coworker

her boss deliberately lied abt her sexuality to my friend (she said she was a lesbian, but she's actually bi)

her boss is nearing 50

her boss is married to another bi woman

theyre poly

theyre also fucking a 50yr old man

her boss is the one who got my friend a promotion

these ppl know she's isolated from friends , her closest is over an hour away

her boss suddenly started flirting (tbh more like making sexual remarks) with her while at work

there's other crap tbh, i can't remember it all.

these women clearly understand that my friend is naive and vulnerable... i met them a year ago and was completely put off by them, but didn't realize that they would pursue my friend like this

she asked for my opinion and i told her "no" but she's chosen to date them anyways

im at a loss for what to do, bc at this point her being abused is inevitable

oh my fucking god. i’m so sorry that’s a very difficult situation. i’ve seen so many women in my life fall prey to abusive relationships, and unfortunately it’s almost impossible to get them to see your side until it’s too late. make sure your first priority is to let her know that no matter her choices, you will not be mad at her or abandon her. i would try pointing out the clear level of power her boss has over her (already lying/interfering w coworkers, the age gap, inappropriate work comments) and how that can be detrimental. honestly, if you’ve already voiced all your concerns to her, there is nothing you can do but be there for her. it’s ultimately her choice. i’ve found that women in abusive relationships (especially young women) are later reluctant to admit their abuse to friends in fears of getting “i told you so’d,” so it’s especially important to make sure she knows you support her unconditionally. i wish i had better advice, best of luck to you

[randomactsofpigeon]

Personal. Apparently I can't write until I get this off my chest so

My grandfather died a few weeks ago. We weren't close and it wasn't unexpected, though the final hours did come on a bit suddenly. He was my last living grandparent which feels a bit weird. My father--his son--is shattered, which is expected. I'm a bit angry at him though because when I saw my grandfather last summer, my dad completely monopolized him and I'm angry at myself too because I knew that would probably be my last opportunity to talk to him and I still let it happen. My dad doesn't have any emotional intelligence. Like I do love him but I've literally be in tears in front of him and not had him notice.

My dad's siblings are mainly assholes so somehow we're not having a funeral until June 17. I'd already promised my father we would go so I'm going, even though it feels...ridiculous, to wait that long. Apparently embalming will keep him fresh enough for two months which is horrific in its own right and reinforces my own desire for green burial but that's a whole other thing. My sister is backing out, who was going to be my sanity during all of this. My grandmother's funeral was an absolute shitshow and I'm concerned about that happening again. Exhibit A: My brother and his wife haven't told their 5-year-old that he died, and she's still talking like he's alive and ALSO attending a family event this weekend, where her five-year-old cousin is VERY AWARE he has passed and likewise talking about him often. That's not going to end badly or anything. Plus whenever my family gets together all of them talk about how they love their identical iphones and nespressos and blissfully child-centered lives and I'm just standing there like the odd thumb out like I've been since I was a kid. And my mom cries if I point out how much I always feel left out and like I don't belong in this family. But I'm not sure why she thinks I should feel any other way when, whenever I try to share any kind of relatable experience, everyone just pauses a moment to erase the contribution from their minds and changes the subject.

I'm totally burned out from this proposal at work that got dramatically sped up when we decided to partner with another company, so instead of the hybrid schedule I'm supposed to be working due to my depression I've been full-time in office, and having to mask...everything in a workplace takes so much energy it's unbelievable. I was looking forward to a break but my former coworker, who took over my work when I changed jobs, also had a death in his family and I'm literally the only other person who understands his work well enough to do it so I'm filling in. Surprise surprise his proposals are due on the 17th. When I'm in Mass for a funeral. Lovely.

One of my foster kittens, who is now 6 weeks old, is stubbornly not weaning. I don't even know what to do at this point. I've tried all the advice that's available online and offline.

I'm living in a shitshow of a house because work has me too burned out to keep up on anything. My plants are dying. I feel so effing useless.

And like I probably shouldn't put this one on tumblr because I don't want to be pathetic but like... I FINALLY got myself back together enough to start writing Lab again and hardly anyone is actually reading it. I got a bunch of welcome back comments on the first new chapter, which was nice, but like nobody came back to read it after. I got next to no comments on the second new chapter. And I don't blame people for feeling burned by the long gap or moving on or being in a different place where reading is not a priority. I really, truly don't. But it also fucking sucks. I thought I was passed this superficial crap as a writer but it has really knocked the wind out of my sails about something I was super excited about, even if I thought I was mentally prepared for it to happen.

I'm just so exhausted I want to cry and vomit. But I'm trying to start my big place exchange fic anyway because I don't want to go back to not writing again. It wasn't a good place to be.

I just feel like I'm failing literally everybody in my life right now, people, readers, pets, plants.

[deyadee]

Psychic At This Point

I knew she would not be interested. Let alone that we would be compatible or that she would even think of me twice.

She mentioned to another coworker how she had been trying to get with this “fuck boy” she had a double date with. I suppose she could be Bisexual, but it’s obvious she isn’t. She occasionally mentioned to said coworker about going clubbing or going out to bars. Not that Bisexuals don’t do that as well, but she would sporadically have a complete change of character to a hoe. Her words paraphrased, not mine. Nothing wrong with it, but it had intense straight nightclub hoe energy. A complete tonal shift from her sweet and geeky personality that she had while interacting with me. I’m aware people can be more than just a two-dimensional vision of what we see them as but it felt a little crushing to know what she showed to me was her “customer-interacting persona.” She continues to show this side off to me, baiting me in ever so temptingly yet I know it’s a lie and I should never give in. It hurts to always develop a crush on any nice cute girl you meet and have your heart crushed in one way or another but at least this one was more of like a slight smack to your greedy little hands moving ever closer than the usual complete depression and self-loathing bed coma.

Somewhat related but, I went to read the sheet for the company Christmas party which is gonna be on a mini cruise. I was barely able to slip into the +1 priority group. My boss asked me who I was taking. I said no one, as I couldn’t think of anyone. They suggested my parents but that would just be awkward as hell and make me more miserable than being alone… but I started to read the sheet further. All of the plus ones were husbands and their kids. I work with a lot of middle-aged women so it’s not surprising but when I got to thinking who to inviting I genuinely couldn’t think of someone to invite. All I have is my immediate family and my coworkers. The only one I wanted to come I assumed would be coming with her fianc�� but thankfully she won’t be coming (not that I didn’t want her to enjoy the party, I’m just glad I didn’t have to see her just spend the whole night with her partner and remind me further of how unlikeable I am.)

I just want to give my priority to someone else. I have no friends. I have family and it would be torture to bring them and just have a constant stream of questions as to why I’m so alone. I kind of want to not go now. It will just be everyone reminding me of how I’m essentially isolated from everyone else in the world, and how far behind I am from my peers. I don’t want to be married or have kids or anything yet, but having a friend or a partner to how this would be nice. Maybe I can bring an anime body pillow to keep me company and ward off all the happy people. Pretending someone is there will be hard, but it would feel nicer than facing reality. Maybe I could get one of those rental girlfriends.

[koushuwu]

i think the worst part rn is, that i don’t even know where the fuck to start.

i feel like i have been putting a lot of self negativity out in the world lately and it sucks, so i’mma try to collect it all in one big ass vent for my own sake, so that i can possibly, hopefully maybe not make as many little sour posts through the days.

my work place is expanding. which is great. the company is thriving, we have a lot to do and we even bought two new vessels, because the demand is so high and there’s so many jobs to do that we simply needed more vessels to do the work. that’s great. however with the rise in jobs and the purchase of two new vessels, obviously we’re also buying a lot more stuff. it makes sense, but it has been such a drastic increase that for well over half a year, i have hardly been doing anything but try to keep up with the fucktonne of new invoices that tick in every single day.

at first it wasn’t too bad, because well it’s whateve, things will go back to normal and the workload would eventually even out when we reached winter, which is the slow season in our field. but as it turned out: things did in fact, not even out. reality is that it’s gotten worse. there is so many invoices constantly ticking in, that it is impossible to keep up. when we closed down the office at christmas last year, i had a total of 244 invoices waiting to be booked with if fucking insane.

it feels so fucking helpless to come into work every single day and try and try and try to get through these invoices when they just keep piling up. no matter how much i try, i never seem to catch up. all the while, all my other tasks gets pushed in front of me because paying the bills is first priority, and it builds and it builds and it builds.

since new year, in my personal life, i’ve had a total of one full weekend where i didn’t have any plans or any responsibilities i needed to take care of. i run around from meeting to meeting to birthday to appointment to scouts to meeting and so fucking forth. a lot of these things, are things that i want to do. that i love to do. but with everything that’s building up at work and the stress in my head and my body, most of it just stresses me out even more, and it’s weighing on me. like a lot.

about two weeks ago, i fucked up my meds at work. took the wrong amount because head is so fucking full of shit, that i just completely missed what i was even doing. this was the point where things really took a turn for the worse, because i’ve known for a long time that i’m stressed out and it’s too much, but this was where i really saw how it affects my mental health. how it triggers and worsens my adhd and anxiety symptoms.

i don’t go to the store on my own anymore. i don’t forget to lock my door. i’m constantly drained. i’m exhausted. i’m crying regularly. i mix up appointments and the list goes fucking on. i usually have these things under control, but it just dawned on me that day, that i really do no anymore and it’s fucking hurts to think about. that was also the day where i started having this pressure in my chest, because of all the stress. something i’ve been experiencing more or less every day since then.

at this point right, i’ve already told my superior more than once like “can we please hire someone. we need more people!” but every single time i’ve been brushed off. and i think i reached a point of anxiety where i just can’t do it anymore. i can’t bring it up. at least not with him. i do talk to my closest coworker though, since she’s been helping me a lot with trying to catch up on my work. so last wednesday she straight up sent me home, because i’m just… i’m so done and i cannot keep doing this, i am literally going to break if this keeps up. i am sick and tired and exhausted and my chest feels so tight. my eyes are burning, my appetite is out the window and the daily headaches are just getting the fuck worse.

i’m desperately trying to hold on but it’s— it’s hard and it’s heavy. i do know that my coworker who sent me home had a talk with our superior today, about me potentially talking some time off. maybe once a week. maybe a few hours every day. something. to help me get back on track. i feel so fucking guilty about it because the work is just gonna keep piling up, but shit if i don’t need it. she asked me if she could ask him about it, because she knows how guilty i feel and how anxious it makes me to even consider bringing it up. apparently he said he’d talk to the higher ups about hiring someone, but he never said anything to me about the time off so who the fuck knows. but it’s a start i guess. just about three months too late.

i know that’s supposed to be a positive, but at the current, i’m in my bed, i’m crying, and i feel like someone is sitting on my chest. it doesn’t feel positive right now. but i’m trying. i’m really really trying not to give up hope. but it is so fucking hard.

idek how to end this so— uh— if anyone actually read all this; well. i’m sorry? thank you. i’m okay. or well… i’m not. but i’m trying to be. i’m trying.

i feel like i shouldn’t vent on here, because it’s a lot and it’s probably annoying. but i also think that maybe i need to jot it all down to try and ease the physical weight on my chest. so maybe i just should. when i get home.

[crowcryptid]

Work is gonna become like 10x worse for me wooo yeah wooo •_•

My “supervisor” is leaving with little warning and a coworker is searching for a new job. (She isnt actually a supervisor but she’s been here 3 years and is the only one who knows how to do everything here)

Which is an issue cause then there will only be 3 people working here, and all of us are new. I’ve been there a month and a half and haven’t been trained in a lot of things. The other 2 have been there longer but also never got trained on those things.

There’s supposed to be 6 people working here. Currently there’s 5.

We are so fucked.

Our actual supervisor is ALSO new (she’s been here 2 weeks) and doesn’t actually help us with what we do cause she does other things.

[its-your-mind]

“oh clearly jon feels no emotions and is in complete control of himself at all times. this man is a logic machine.”

did we??? listen to the same podcast?????? this man feels first, thinks later. there is a strong emotion? get ready for jonathan jarchivist sims to act on it with little-to-no second thoughts. rational thinking who. we throw ourselves full force at the first thought that comes into our head. like, we are talking about the man who:

busted into the office of a guy he hadn’t talked to more than twice since he woke up from a six month coma, sincerely offering to gouge out his eyes and run away with him, and was Absolutely Gobsmacked when he was refused

was prefectly ready to let a face-stealing monster live… right up until it reminded him that it had killed his friend without him realizing (that “…what did you say” is one of the lines that gives me GOOSEBUMPS every time)

dove headfirst into a pile of evil sentient worms to grab a tape recorder bc he was so determined to not die as aNOTHER GODDAMN MYSTERY

let his survivor’s guilt from when he was eight drive the major decisions he made for the rest of his life

threw himself into a fear dimension of evil loneliness to save the man he loved (who had refused to speak to him for months) at the probable expense of himself who knows

had so much MALICE in his voice when he killed peter lukas like damn girl you do not get that emotional when you’re just killing someone bc they’re evil or whatever. there was Hatred there. go off queen.

literally was willing to sacrifice an entire WORLD so that no one would ever f e e l what he had to feel when jonah voicesnatched him

LITERALLY speedran a love story in like six weeks in scotland. this man was SO READY to be in love it’s ridiculous. so was martin. I love them sm

heard his predecessor was dead

came to the conclusion that he was next

what should we do with this?

oh I know

stalk every one of my coworkers bc clearly one of them is out to get me

committed himself to living in the archives forever bc he didn’t want to put georgie or “god forbid the admiral” in danger (has his priorities STRAIGHT he does)

oh annabelle caine has martin? and an artifact that completely knocks me on my ass and takes away all my powers? off to hilltop road we go come on basira we have spider ass to kick

threw himself into a coffin to save a woman who LITERALLY was ABOUT TO KILL HIM bc he just wanted to HELP and everyone around him was HURTING SO MUCH

was insulted when a statement giver called the institute stupid and immediately discarded all professionalism and clapped back by calling her wildly successful youtube series dumb

also immediately discarded all professionalism when disgusted by a teeth apple “we do NOT want it.” like damn bro this traumatized doctor brought this bone apple teeth proof in for you and you are too grossed out to grin and bear it

was slightly annoyed by the fact that martin was not the Ideal Assistant. Offhandedly mentioned on an official recording that he wanted an evil flesh witch to slowly kill his literal employee by a series of freak accidents that resulted in the loss of one body part at a time. this man has no chill whatsoever.

took so much satisfaction in killing jonah magnus. like jonah told him not to be dramatic and jon PROMPTLY started monologuing while stabbing douchard directly in the chest.

“I don’t want to die”

“Neither did they.” FUCK YES QUEEN GO OFF GET HIS SMARMY VICTORIAN ASS

sounded so SMUG when he told the eye he was gonna go apologize to his boyfriend. like yeah stupid all-powerful fear god I have a BOYfriend and I LOVE him suck on THAT

remember when he decided to doom his whole world bc he wanted to stop anyone else from feeling like he did? yeah that plan went out the window fuckin imMEDIATely as soon as his beloved martin walked into the room. oh, he’s in the world I’m going to be dooming? well fuck didn’t consider that part. welp guess he’s just gonna have to stab me. and then we will hold each other and declare our love and kiss and hope to still be alive and together somehow as the world collapses around us. our love didn’t save us but it was here and that mattered. okay list cancelled I’m gonna go curl up in a ball for a little bit. ty for your time.

[ripperdoc-is-daddy]

Morning After

TW: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! READER IS A BLK FEMALE, Mafia typical violence, S3xual and non S3xual intimacy and situations, Food mentions and prep, nudity, Mild power play, hand feeding, mild angst, Crude humor, Crude language, Soft and Hard Boi Sanemi. PERMISSION TO REPOST OR TRANSLATE IS DENIED.

Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 , Pt. 4 Pt. 5

When you both woke up, you initially freaked out being in an unfamiliar space. A large hand covered your mouth, and a familiar voice groggily groaned out a sleepy "Quiet, it's too early." You bit his fingers and sat up defiantly. "Where the hell am I?" you demanded. The other occupant of the bed grabbed a pillow and put it over his head, declining to answer you. Your eyes rolled, and you slid out of bed and started to exit the room.

Quicker than you could blink, thick, warm arms encircled your waist, pulling you back onto the bed. "Mm, where are you going? It's been a lil' over a month. We could..." his voice trailed off, and you elbowed him in the gut, hard. "We aren't that close yet, buddy. I'm still pissed at you. Where the hell am I? You fucking kidnapped me." You struggled to get out of his grip. Your attack had done absolutely no damage to him, and you were wondering about all those times you had won in your mock fights. Had he let you?

Scarred, tanned arms drew you in tightly to his chest. "I tried to convince you the nice way to come along, but you weren't listening. Besides, we made up and made out. Surely, we are close enough for something like wake-up fun?" his hands were starting to wander. You remained stiff and cold to his adventuring till he gave up with a dramatic sigh. "Alright, alright. I get it. I fucked up. From where you are standing, that is completely unacceptable, but you have to look at the world I live in. The boss said to bring you here, so I did." he was defensive as he released you.

"Where. Am. I?" you demanded. Regretfully and angrily, he told you. You whipped your head towards him and gave him a look of disbelief. "I have to work today, Sanemi!" you hissed. You turned away from him and stomped out the room. Behind you, you heard him lazily get up and follow after you. Bare feet padding first the concrete floors and then the wooden floorboards. "That wasn't exactly my priority focus."

"I noticed, asshole." you spat out with venom as you searched for a bathroom. Locating one near the front entrance, you entered and harshly slammed the door. Locking it before your angry once again boyfriend could follow behind you. You heard his fists knock on the door, and you blatantly ignored it as your freshened up and took care of your bodily functions. Sitting on the counter, you checked your phone and winced as you saw several missed calls from your boss and a couple missed texts from coworkers asking where you were.

Sucking in a deep breath, you dialed your place of employment and explained that you had been whisked away on a surprise romantic getaway by your man and hadn't had any way to let them know until now. Your boss accepted this response, much to your relief. He was a romantic at heart, so this, thankfully, wouldn't damage your reputation or place your employment in jeopardy.

Once you hung up, you splashed water over your face and then washed off the grime and tears from the day before. Frustrated with your situation, you thought back over all the things Sanemi had told you about his life. Part of you was seething that it took six years for him to decide you were important enough to finally talk about this part of his life. The other part of you was falling for the stupid bad boy trope.

This relationship was not healthy, and you doubt the two of you could ever have the normalcy he had led you to believe was there before. Is this what you wanted? Physical intimacies and monetary spoiling aside, did you want to deal with this in your life? What rules were now going to be imposed on your existence now that you knew? You groaned and slowly sank to your knees on the floor. Cursing your terrible taste in men. This isn't the turn you had expected your life to go.

Thinking back to your first meeting, you wondered if that was even an accident like he claimed, or had this all been a plot? The two of you met at a local florist. You were a young first-year Todai horticulture, chemistry double major. Picking up a couple bouquets to decorate your brand-new apartment. As you headed out the door, you crashed into a solid wall of unforgiving, ridged, bare flesh of a man's torso. His hands had gripped you to steady your body and keep you from falling.

Initially, you wanted to yell at him for being an ass and blocking the doorway. That was until you looked up and saw an intimidatingly handsome man in a glorious black suit and red tie. Your brain stopped working as you stared at him, only to be broken out of its daze by him flicking your forehead, asking if you were ok. You shook your head and mumbled out a lame "Yeah, sorry." Your florist giggled behind the counter. You turned your head away shyly, pulling on one of your Senegalese twists.

He had been bold and used two fingers under your chin to turn you back to face him. "Let me replace your bouquets and take you out to lunch as my apology. This was my fault." he was so smooth that younger you couldn't help but swoon. You'd accepted his invitation, and over time he became a close friend and then a lover. Only took a few short months for him to sweep you off your feet and claim his position as your handsome boyfriend. He loved to spoil you and take you out on trips.

He was, at face value, the perfect man. Well, minus his temper. He was rough around the edges but never anything that could be considered more than common couples' violence. Sure, there were signs he was up to shady shit, but love makes you blind, right? Now faced with the reality of everything he did, you felt overwhelmed. You wanted the 'him' from before, but all of that was a package deal now. One you were not sure you were strong enough to handle.

"I can hear your brain from over here. Talk to me." the star of your thoughts interjected calmly. You stayed quiet. Only the running water from the sink made noise in the small water closet. "I can't help if you don't talk to me." Sanemi prodded. You groaned again audibly and turned off the faucet. Part of you felt like being a dick, while the other part of you wanted to open the door and fall into his embrace. Let him do what he did best and make you forget all the painful feelings.

You gave into neither, instead opting for caution. "What happens to me now?" you ask. "I don't understand the question." his confused response came after some bumping on the door. You assumed he was leaning against it. "What happens to me now? That is exactly what I am asking. I know all this shit about you, and I guess a small part of whatever bullshit you deal with daily, but I want to know how I fit in all of this. Where do we exist in all of it?" you attempted to sound as neutral as you could. Fear crept up your spine as you remembered that even if your man was the 'scary' assassin; that his boss was terrifying if he could command such respect from Sanemi. You didn't want to deal with him anymore than you had to.

A hum came from the other side of the door, followed by a cheerful laugh. "That is what you are worried about? Kyojuro isn't going to demand you start working in a Hostess club and bring in revenue if that is what you are assuming." Sanemi sounded genuinely amused, which irritated you. "I don't know what to assume, so how about you tell me, so both of us don't look like assholes?" you snapped, irritated he found this funny. A couple of chuckles later, he responded, "Same as before. You won't get caught up in our business. My agreement with Kyojuro assures that we live comfortably and normally. I guess the only thing that changes is that you can come to The Family's functions as my plus one, and you can provide better support at home." he finished, and you glared at the door. "Better support? You saying I did a shit job before?" anger seeping into your voice. "No, no, no, no! That's not what I mean. You know what I do now, so you have a better picture. Instead of blindly guessing what I am going through, you will know and be better able to assist." he supplied, trying not to laugh.

Standing up, you walked over, unlocked the door, and yanked it open. "Look here, asshole." you started but were enveloped in his arms once more. "I don't pretend to know all the answers, and this won't be easy, but I want to make it work between us. I didn't like lying to you before once I realized I was serious about you. About what we had, have?" he sounded unsure at the last part. Neither of you were sure what exactly you were then. You stood there dumbly, refusing to accept yourself falling into him until you had the answers you sought.

"I know I love you and think you still love me. You are understandably furious with me; I need to make that right. I also know that you will probably never accept that I kill for a living. I don't need you to. I just need you to be who you have always been. Keeps me centered and human." he spoke into your twists, and you felt the ice around your heart start to crack. "You said last night you weren't human." you countered. Another deep chuckle came from the taller man. "I stand by what I said. But when I am with you, I can pretend to be a normal human." his voice solemn.

Slowly the frostiness of your emotions started to melt. He sounded sincere. No manipulation; he was being honest. You didn't like how he viewed himself, though. You weren't going to volunteer to fix him, but you would need to suggest he see an in-house therapist. Assuming they had one. They really should. "Work doesn't come home," you demanded. "Never did." he reminded you. "Mm, that is a lie." you felt him bristle against you as you accused him of untruths. Before he could defend himself, you cut him off. "The day I left you, the pony-tailed jockstrap, behemoth, and the loud asshole all were there. That counts as bringing work home."

He loosened his grip on you, tilting your head upwards to look him in the eyes. "Never insult the boss. You will address him with respect whether he is present or not. Kyojuro Rengoku is his name. The man who carried you in here was Tengen Uzui, and the giant is Gyomei Himejima. Pay attention to how you speak about them." he warned you. Your eyes darted to look over at the light-colored, wooden wall. Refusing to concede. "Look at me," he commanded. You stayed in your refusal. "I won't ask again." he threatened. You kept your stance, not allowing him to control your actions.

Seeing your noncompliance, he hoisted you into his arms bridal style and began walking towards the center of the house, you guessed. You closed your eyes in defiance, not wanting to give any ground to him. He stopped and demanded your phone. Puzzled, you gave it to him. Not sure why but knowing he wasn't the type to snoop or anything like that on you. At least from what you knew of him over the years. He took the phone, then dropped you into a brilliant blue, heated pool.

You sank below the surface as bubbles formed around you. Screaming underwater, you shot up to the surface to yell at him. Your plan disrupted when his nude body joined you in the pool. He swam forward and pinned you to one of the sides of the pool. "Are you going to obey?" he queried. You spat water at his face, and he grinned menacingly at you. Pulling you forward, it appeared he was going to kiss you; instead, he dunked you under the water, cackling like a madman. You bobbed back up to the surface and glared at him. Upset he had no clothes on to drag him underwater with.

"Address them by their names, and I'll let you off mercifully." he playfully bantered with you. That infuriatingly cocky and sexy smile on his face. "Fine, fine!" you gave in, not wanting to be submerged again. He gave you an actual kiss this time. "I was hoping you would choose to be stubborn again," he spoke huskily into your neck as he sucked at the junction underneath your ear. You moaned and playfully hit him in the chest. "I imagine you were. What would you have done if I kept refusing?" you asked, curiosity taking over. "Fuck you into submission." his voice dropped into baritone levels as the pleasurable threat caused warmth to stir in your groin. "You'd need consent for that." you reminded him. Pretending you weren't getting aroused at the turn the situation was taking. "Mm, I think I can convince you. If not, then I would have found a way to secure your compliance. You love it when I owe you favors." his hands were wandering under your wet clothes.

A whimper escaped your throat as you thought about all the things he would have done to your body to elicit a sweet yes from you. "You sound like you want to submit to me anyways. Why don't you?" he was taunting you now. Pressing his body against you, letting you feel his bare, hard length rub up against you. "I don't know what you are talking about. This conversation is weird." you tried to feign indifference. He saw through it but backed off fully and went into a back float. "Whatever you say, My Queen." his tone has an edge of possessiveness.

You eyed him suspiciously at the full retreat, then remembered that he never really pushed your no's. If you didn't give him an outright "yes," then he wasn't going to force it. Something that endeared him to you. The further away he floated, the clearer your mind became, and you were grateful he respected your refusals. No matter how weak or half-assed they were. Just because you both were back together didn't mean you were just going to fall back into bed with him.

Diving under the water, you swam closer to him. Breaching the surface next to his tanned, nude, and toned body. "We'll get there again. Will just take time." you reassured both of yourselves. Another hum of agreement as you both floated next to each other. "I look forward to romancing you once again." he drawled out seductively. You splashed water at him, and he chuckled.

From there, the both of you just enjoyed one another's presence. You would ask questions about his occupation, and he would reply to you honestly. He also inquired about what you had been up to while your relationship had been called off. You told him the truth; you had been on a few dates. Tried a few no-strings-attached hookups but were turned off. Obviously, those responses hadn't pleased him, but he took them in stride.

"Why were those three at your place that day?" you asked, poking at his floating rib. He disappeared beneath the water, coming up behind you, once again pulling you into his body. "To see if you were strong enough to handle the knowledge of our organization. That's why I was saying it was complicated. I had a job, but the boss wanted to know more about the woman who had been so dismissive and openly hostile to him. I assured him you were in a class of your own." You both treaded water while he spoke. "I think he thought you were a bratty gold digger until you ended our relationship so dramatically and held to it." you started to whine and complain against him, calling you dramatic, but he shushed you, indicating he wasn't done speaking. "Things came to a head a little while ago. I got a bit caught up in my own feelings, and I took an unauthorized leave of absence."

You coughed at his terminology. He ignored you, continuing. "I received punishment for my assumed desertion and lack of loyalty, but once I gave in and explained the situation, the boss took mercy on me, and here we are now." You had asked one question and gotten that and more. Frowning, you realized that you had inadvertently put him in his boss's bad graces. You shook your head, refusing to shoulder that blame. He was a grown-ass man, and his actions were his own.

As if reading your mind, he audibly agreed that his behavior was entirely his fault and you were not liable for anything he did. You were happy that he never once tried to pin his actions on you or demand you fix his behavior. "Thank you for telling me all of that." you truthfully were pleased he was being so forthright with you. "Can we get out of the water? Also, What the hell do you plan to do about my clothes? I am soaked." you gestured to your entire being. He sniggered behind you, doing a modified, reverse breaststroke so he could pull you backwards towards the stairs on the opposite side of the pool.

Once y'all reached the edge, you climbed out the pool and commented how you looked like a drowned rat. He chuckled and started to remove your clothing for you. "This is the boss's personal retreat. No cameras, so you can just walk around naked while your clothes go in the wash." he stretched and carried your clothes off, leaving you behind. "Your phone is on the table over there. Meet you in the kitchen," he called out behind him.

Miffed, you snatched up your phone and strode off to locate the kitchen. "Why is your boss so nice to you? Like, there is no way my boss would give up his personal retreat so I could fix my relationship. Maybe for a wedding, though." you spoke aloud. "I keep his hands clean, and he values my service." His voice appeared to the left of you. He was leaning against the entryway into the kitchen, still in the buff. Your eyes roamed his body, and you patted yourself on the back, nodding your head. He looked at you, confused. "What are you doing?" He inquired, standing up straight as you passed him to go into the room.

"Congratulating myself for having such a fine ass man head over heels for me," you spoke as you opened the fridge and stared at the contents. You nodded, pleased to see that there was actual food and some face masks. Grabbing some fruit and veg, you began to cut them up to make a platter. Sanemi chuffed, grabbed a face mask out of the fridge and dangled it in front of your face. "After I shower." you shooed him away while chopping the noms sloppily. He bumped you away with his hip and took the knife from your hands. "Your knife skills suck. Let me do it. Go put that on before you start complaining about the salt from the pool ruining your face. Also, are you saying I am just eye candy that you flaunt around?" He was playful as he spoke. Expertly taking over your former task. Going to the sink, you washed your face and put on the mask promptly, sighing in relief.

"Nah, I like all of you. It's just a bonus you are fine as fuck. Mm, tell your boss thank you for the face mask. Or are these his partners?" you were enjoying the soothing coolness of the serum-coated cloth-like paper on your face. "His. He is a Primadonna regarding his health and skincare," he replied offhandedly while he cut some berries into the shape of flowers. You stared in awe, watching him make your previous hack job turn into a work of art.

"You are good with a knife," you spoke aloud. Focusing the topic on him. "Mmhmm. I am good with all sharps," he replied without missing a beat. "Needles?" you pushed your luck a bit. Wondering if he would share what tools he used at work. Morbid curiosity taking hold of you. "All sharps," he repeated, pausing to look you in the eyes seriously. "Don't ask questions you don't or aren't ready to hear the answers for." he chastised you, then continued what he was doing.

You flicked some water that was on your hands at him, snickering at the growl you got in response. Propping yourself up on the counter, you watched him work in silence. Occasionally being brave and stealing a piece of fruit from the board.

Your eyes once again roamed over his body. The scars he had, he told you, he had gotten from his mother when she went into a fit of rage. She had been hospitalized immediately after. Sanemi and his younger brother were the only survivors of the attack that had stemmed from the constant abuse his mother received from his father. He paid for her upkeep but never visited. His relationship with his surviving brother was strained. You now understood he wanted to keep his remaining family as far away from the horrors of his job as he could.

His hair was bogged down by water still, giving him the appearance of a pop star or idol. His body was heavily muscled and at peak performance. His ass was glorious. You fought the urge to slap his perky, bubble booty or pinch them cheeks. Everything about his physique screamed perfection to you. "Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, pausing to look at you. "Making internal observations," you admitted. Sanemi rolled his eyes and went back to cutting. Swearing briefly and going back to the fridge looking for something.

You chuckle quietly as he slams the door closed. "How do you not have anything to actually eat in here? What the hell is this?!" he demands of the poor appliance. "Maybe it's for his booty calls? Pretty sure I saw some chocolate and conch back there." now it's Sanemi's turn to whip his head towards you. "Mm... I think you might be onto something. How do you prepare the conch?" he asks. "I love you but don't trust you to make it right. I'll do it, m'kay?" you tell him. Sanemi shrugs and pulls out the rather large mollusk. It appeared to be fresh.

Taking it from him, you clean it up in the sink, clean your own hands then look for a suitable knife to retrieve the delicacy from its shell. You quickly sever its abductor muscles from the shell with the knife and pull out the body. Separating out the beautiful white meat from the other innards. Humming along as you go about your business. So lost in your own world that you failed to notice your lover was finished with his task and watching you work. You rinsed off the white flesh of the mollusk and whooped as you stole the tomato, Jalapeño, Scotch Bonnet, mango, and onion from Sanemi that had been removed with some other veg earlier. You snapped your fingers, trying to put a name to the other things you needed. Magically several limes and oranges appeared along with a salt grinder. "Squeeze these into that bowl over there while I chop this up. Get as much juice as you can, then mix it with the veg in the bowl. I'll add this once I am done." you instructed.

Sanemi went about his assigned duties, not questioning you. You were the one with the legendary tastebuds. He would follow his orders and feast on the delicious rewards. You finished chopping up the delicacy, adding it to the bowl, and mixing it thoroughly. Looking over at Sanemi's beautiful fruit and veg platter arrangement. Everything looked like flowers. Very romantic. "I could have fried this, but I refuse to fry naked." you pouted, thinking of the succulent meat fried to perfection.

Sanemi flicked your nose with a clean finger and then plated up your meal. Adding some edible hibiscus flowers to it. All in all, this was a beautiful presentation for what would be a fantastic tasting meal. "Go find a place you wanna sit and eat at. I'll carry this and then bring us some drinks." he nudged you as he spoke excitedly. You went out to the back deck and settled down on one of the comfortable lounge chairs. Your love set the food down on an umbrellaed table and pulled it closer to you. Bathing you in the shade. "I'll be back with drinks and utensils," he called out as he sprinted off.

You laid back and enjoyed the sounds of the ocean in your ears. The salty sea air was comforting. Remembering you were wearing a face mask, you peeled it off, getting up to chuck it in the can before you laid back down to enjoy the warm morning air. The clinking of glasses pulls you back to reality, and you peak and look over to see Sanemi setting down a serving tray with two glasses of juice, a large pitcher for refills, plates, spoons, and facial wet wipes.

"Your breakfast is served, M'lady," he says as he bows to you. You smirk. "Mm, Feed me. I feel like being spoiled." You speak as you arch your back into a long stretch. He whistles and gathers up some of the food, plating it so it looks professional. "As you wish." He said, kneeling next to you whilst offering you a spoonful of the Conch salad. You took a bite and moaned. "Sooo good!" you murmured behind your hand. His brow quirked up, and he took a bite for himself. Mimicking your own actions soon after. "Fuck, this is good. If I didn't already love you, then your cooking would make me fall in love with you now," he said in-between bites. "Hey now! I said feed me! Not you!" you pouted. He offered you another spoonful and faked eating when you went to take a bite. He laughed boldly at your glare, then surrendered the nibblet to you.

This is how the two of you existed in the early morning. He fed you and himself with a smile on his face.

[reimagine7]

Hot Lifeguard (Emily Sonnett x reader)

My first story. Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language. Opened for  suggestions.

It was just another day at work. Days like this were one of my favorites. Just a few people at the beach and less people in the water, that is almost the perfect scenario for a lifeguard. Because normally that means no incidents. My shift was almost over, just one more hour and I could go home to prepare for dinner tonight with my girlfriend.

Right now I am sitting at the cabbing along with Josh, my partner for the day.

“No fucking way” I heard Josh yell while loking at something through the glass.

“What? What did you see?” I asked “You’re not going to believe who just arrived at the beach” “Well, if you give me the binoculars I could see by myself.” “There is no need to. Look at the group over there.” He said pointing to a place in the sand “Okay, I’m looking but I’m not getting it.”

Just as I said that I saw a blond girl running a few meters at the sand and trying to do a cartwheel on the sand and failing miserably, ending with her butt at the sand. Yep, now I know of who Josh is talking about.

“Girl, that is the US women’s soccer team, seems like the whole team is in here.” He was really excited “Josh, clean it right here…” (I rubbed my hand on my chin and he copied me) “Why?” He asked, after seeing nothing on her hand “You’re drooling.” “Oh, fuck up.” She pushes me and keeps looking at the team, it wasn’t the whole team but is probably half of the girls.

“Okay, I’m gonna say hi. Do you wanna come?” Josh asked me “You can go, someone has to stay here and actually do the work.” Josh rolled his eyes but got the walktalk. “Fine, I would tell them you say hi, I’m bringing the walktalk” “Go there looser.”

I was just watching a few surfers at the beach, when I looked to my left and saw Josh coming back with the group of girls following him. He gave me a sign for me to come down.

“So Y/n these are the players from USWNT and girls this is Y/n.” “Hi girls, I actually know you all, I’m a big fan, you’re all badasses.” “Thank you. We heard that so was you.” Ashlyn said and Alex followed. “Josh here went to say hi and told us that his coworker was a woman and a badass so we needed to come check out.” “Well, it’s my pleasure to meet you.”

“For how long have you been working here?” Ali asked. “In this part of the beach not much, but as a lifeguard, 10 years.” The girls were shocked “Oh, 10 years? Sorry to ask but how old are you?” “25” “You can be a lifeguard while you’re 15?” “Yes. I was a good swimmer and at a young age I started to learn surfing, I always loved the water. So one day I got the opportunity to be a lifeguard at a waterpark near home, since then I never stopped. And soon as I had enough experience to be a lifeguard at the beach I moved and here I am.” Tobin spoke this time. “So do you also surf?” Before I could answer, Josh interrupted us “Oh yeah, this is almost like an unofficial rule to be a lifeguard, and Y/n is like the best here. Sorry girls, but I’ll go upstairs and check the beach” “Bye Josh, it was a pleasure to meet you.” The girls said and then looked back at me.

“I’m probably not that good, but yes I can surf.” “We would love to see that, it’s a shame you’re at work.” Tobin answered. “Isn’t your shift ending?” Emily spoke this time, I looked at her and the sun was hitting her face, making her blue eyes shine, she is so beautiful. “Yeah, actually. I have probably just one more hour left.” 

“So what about you meeting us after it and we can see how good you actually are?” Ashlyn asked me with a smirk. “That is a challenge Ashlyn?” “You can bet on it.” Ali smacks Ashlyn in the back of her head. “Ashlyn, you can’t go out challenging people.” “Just a moment girls.”

I interrupted whoever was saying, as soon as I spotted something on the ocean. I climbed the ladder from the cabin and called for Josh. “Josh!” “Yeah boss!” “Look at the water, 10 o’clock. What do you see?” “There is noth… shit looks like two people. Maybe kids. Go!” I jump in the sand and get the surfboard. “Sorry girls, and it’s a bet Ash.” I ran as fast as I could toward the people, wishing this day could end as good as it started.

As I was getting closer to them I noticed that one of them was a little girl, around 5 years old and the other was a boy around 12 years old. I was going as fast as I could but it looked like it wasn't enough. As I was about to get to them, the boy pushed the girl up, and sank. Fuck! 

“Help! Lucas!” I got the girl, put her over the board and tried to find the boy but he didn’t get back up. What should I do? I looked up and saw the girl was using diving glasses. “Can you lend me this? Okay, look, you see these ropes? Hold them as strong as you can and don’t let them go. I’ll get Lucas.”

I know it look like a stupid ideia, let the girl up there by herself, but if I wait for Josh to get here the boy could be dead. So I got in the water and dived trying to find the boy. I surf back up, check with the little girl, get some breath and dive back. I was almost giving up when I felt something on my left leg and when I looked at it was him. So I get his hand and rise back. “Lucas!!” I got back on the board, laid him down and asked for the girl to sit in front of me holding the ropes. He’s unconscious, I need to get to the beach as fast as possible.

I got to the beach and Josh was already there with the equipment and said he had already called an ambulance. I barely got that, the boy was my first priority, I looked up and saw the national team girls were close. “Hey little girl, you see these women over there?” She nodded. “Stay with them, for me to take care of Lucas okay?” She didn’t want to let go of him, must be her brother. Probably noticing my expression, Emily came over and got the girl, she started to scream. But my focus was somewhere else now. The boy wasn’t breathing, so I started the compression. “Come on, come on. Spit the water. Come on Lucas, you can do it.” I must be doing it for like 1 minute, but it felt like an hour, when the boy spit the water. “Good boy. Calm down, you’re safe now.” I put him on oxigen, and the ambulance arrived just in time as he regained consciousness. “Hey boy, what’s your name?” The paramedic asked. “Lucas.” “Hi, Lucas. My name is Daniel and I’m a paramedic and I’m going to help you okay? How old are you?” “12. Where is my sister?” “Hey Lucas, it’s okay, she is over there, stay calm okay.”

I looked back at the girl and went to calm her down. “Hey little girl, how are you?” She came running for my arms. “Lucas?” She asked while crying in my arms. “He is better now, you see? He is talking with the doctors now. Where are your parents sweety?” “Don’t know.” And as it was agreed the mother shows up. “Lucas? Lucy?” “Mom!” The little girl ran to the women's arms. “Where is Lucas?” “Hi Mrs, my name is Y/N. Lucas is over there being taken care of. Do you know what happened?” “No, I told them that I was going to get some water and when I came back they weren’t there so I started to freak out and I saw the comotion here.” They start to take the boy to the ambulance. “Okay, Mrs…” “Grey” “Mrs. Grey, they are taking Lucas to the ambulance right now, they will check on him, he drowned trying to save his sister, I’m going to explain everything to you until we get to the ambulance, can you just pack your stuff? Are you alone here?” “Yes, my husband is at work. And I already packed everything, it is in here.” “Good, come on. And I would like Lucy to have a check up as well, she hasn’t drowned but she could have drunk some water. We don’t want to take risks right?” With that I went up to the ambulance with the mom and then let the paramedics do their job. I hope the kid stays good.

I went back to the post and Josh was there. “What a way to end the shift right?” “Thank god, I found the boy under water. Otherwise it would ruin the day.” “Yeah, and the super boss shows up again to save the day.” “Stop.” “Fine, now get out of here. There are some people waiting for you. Go have some fun.” I had completely forgotten about them, time to go say hi, again. 

Emily pov

We were still excited about what just happened at the beach.

“She is totally a badass, she was just talking with us and still caught the kids drowning in the water.” Tobin said. “When she left the girl alone at the board I was like ‘what is she doing?’ and then she just got the boy under water, that was amazing.” Christen said “That’s why she is the boss.” Ali complement.

“Okay, but let’s not forget how hot she is. When she ran toward the water, it was just like we were in Baywatch, and her body. God!” “Kelley!!” “What Linds, is not like you don’t agree with me you were drooling watching her doing her job.” Kelley fought back. “I was not…” Lindsey said pouting, Megan put a hand on her shoulder and said. “Sorry Linds but you totally were. But that’s fine, she is hot as fuck and I think that half of the girls here were drooling, even the “straight” ones”.  She intensifies the quotation marks.

Then Christen intervened. “She also looks like a good person, she looks smart, determined and kind. You saw her with the little girl?” “Hey, I don’t have a competition do I?” Tobin protested. “Of course not babe, but she may be good for some other girls here. And watch out cause she is coming here.”

I looked behind me and Y/N was coming over, she had changed off her uniform and was now just in her swimming suit, a backpack and a surfboard. She was more beautiful, if that was even possible and hotter.

“Hey girls, my shift is just over. So I remembered that one of you challenged me on surfing. So I want to know if she is still up to it?” Ash stood up “Oh yeah, game on bitch. Tobs, Kell are you coming?” “Of course, let’s go.” Both of them replied.

Some girls went along with them for the water, others decided to take a walk on the sand and others were just going to lay and get a tan. Before Y/N followed the girls to the water she came near me. “So, beautiful, can I put my stuff here near you?” “I think so.” “Good, you’re not coming?” “Not today.” “Okay, be right back.” She winked at me and left toward the ocean.

I sat back in the sand and just watched her get some waves with the girls, she was stunning. Of course she was winning the challenge, but who cares, everyone was just amazed by her. 

I was contemplating her beauty when Moe sat beside me and asked. “So, are you gonna spill the beans?” “There is nothing to spill. Don’t know what you are talking about?” “You sure do. If you do nothing the others will keep flirting with her and who knows what could happen.” I look at her shocked. “It’s in your eyes Sonny.” 

An hour later everyone came back from the water and we went to play some footvolley. We paired everyone up and Y/N ended up being my partner. She was amazing at that and we had a lot of fun. She was flirting with me the whole time and I was hoping the girls weren't noticing it.

We stopped playing and were getting ready to leave, when Kelley whispered in my ear. “You better do something girl, she is flirting with you the whole day, everyone noticed. If you don’t do something we will.” “I don’t know what you are talking about.” She just shaked her head and went toward Ash and Tobin, whispered something to them and they went to Y/N.

“So Y/n, we had a lot of fun today and we really wanted to get to know you better. Tell us a little bit more about you.” Tobin asked. “Well, you already know I’m 25 and am a lifeguard. I graduated from the University of Virginia with a degree in exercise and sports science. I give surf classes for kids and I’m also a coach for some amatour surfer athletes. And I’m a sports lover.”

“Wait, too much information. You’re a surf coach?” Ashlyn asked incredibly. “Yeah? Sorry but you were the one who made the bet.” “That explains a lot.”

Becky was the one to speak now. “You went to Virginia? That’s awesome me too, so does Moe and Sonnett, but it doesn’t have a beach there.” “Yeah, I know. I took a pause from the beach while I was studying and worked at a waterpark over there.”

“I got a question…” Oh no, Kelley shut up. “Are you single?” With that Y/N wined her eyes and blush a little, she looked at me and then back to Kelley.

“No?” “You don’t seem too sure about that.” Tobin interjected. “I mean, no, I’m not single. But we haven’t told anyone besides family yet, so…” “Wait a second, so you’re not single? Are you sure? I’m way confused right now.” “Yeah, I’m sure. She actually loves soccer, she loves you guys.”

While the rest of the girls started asking other questions for Y/n. Kelley looked at me with a ‘sorry dude’ look. I understand why she was like that, I mean Y/n was indeed flirting with me, everyone was probably confused as to why she was flirting with me if she has a girlfriend. But they were clueless and I was having a lot of fun with it, so I decided to enjoy it a little bit more and so I spoke up.

“Hey Y/N we actually have the whole day off, so we were thinking of hanging out together and going out for dinner. What do you say? Wanna come?” Y/N looked at me with a intrigued look, but agreed either way. “Yeah, I would love to.” 

“Your girlfriend would be okay with that?” Ashlyn asked. “Yeah she wouldn’t mind.”

“Maybe you can call her right now and talk to her just to make sure?” I said, Y/n was really confused right now, she was trying to understand what I mean with that. I just nodded and saw a smirk appear on her face. “Yeah, that will be great.” Some girls looked at me, don’t getting what I was doing. Christen added. “And if you want to invite her, you said she was a fan, we can surprise her if you want to” “Of course, it will be fun”.

Y/n got her phone and made the call. “So who is gonna talk?” Y/N look at me and I nod toward Kelley. “O’hara you think you can do it? She would love that?” Y/n asked “Of course. What's her name again?” “Oh, you don’t need that” She looked at her phone and back at me, I gave her a reassuring look as she started to talk.

“Hi babe. So I’m at the beach now, and there are some girls here that want to say hi to you.” She put on speaker for everyone to hear. “Hi. It’s Kelley O’hara here, and you are talking with half of the national team.” Silent went over the line, the girls started looking at each other and Y/n spoke.

“She is probably in shock, can you tell her about the dinner?” “Yeah, so we just asked Y/n if she wants to come to dinner with us and we also would like to invite you, so what do you say?” I waited a moment and answered on my phone. “I would love to, but I thought that as I was the one who made the invitation I was already invited.”

Everyone looked at me and then back to Y/n, they were in shock. Y/n has that stupid smile on her face that I love so much and answered. “That’s good babe, can’t wait.” We just kept looking at each other's eyes. Oh god, I love this girl so much. When Kelley yelled. 

“Wait a minute. Why did you call Sonnett?” “Well you asked for me to call my girlfriend. So I did.” Y/n spoke with a smirk on her face “The Emily Sonnett, this girl here is your girlfriend?” “Hey, what do you mean by that? I can’t date a hot girl?” 

With that I went to Y/n side, hugged her and she gave me a peck “And you let me, no, you let us, drool over you girlfriend and didn’t say a thing?” I couldn’t get the smile out of my face. “It was funny and I didn’t know yet if she was going to be okay with that.” “That is no excuse, you should have told me, it is not like I was going to tell the world.” Kelley complained and crossed her arms on her chest. “Okay Kelley, less drama. We are happy for you Sonny.” “Thanks Chris, someone here is mature.”

“Wait, does it mean that now we have to give Y/n the shovel talk?” Tobin asked with a serious face. “No!” I protest. “Sorry Sonnett, we have to, it's the team's rules.” Ash responded. “That’s okay babe, I can take it.”

“Fine, but only if Moe gets to be there.” “What? Why? Moe can’t hurt a fly” Becky said. “Because she will make sure you don’t scare Y/n away, she will be on her side.” “Why would she do that?” “Babe you can’t ask Moe that, just because she is my friend.” “Wait, Moe knew?” Kelley said, trying to look hurt. “Way to throw me under the bus Sonny.” Moe complained.

“Of course, she helped me with the plan of asking Y/n out. We studied together, you forgot?” “Of course you were all Cavaliers. That’s it Y/n you are coming with us for dinner, there is no space for debate. We need to see if you are good for Sonnett. Let’s go everyone” With Megan orders everyone start to go back to where the vans were. I got my stuff and I was about to follow the girls, when Y/n pulled my arm.

“Hey hot stuff, I missed you.” She passed her arms over my shoulders and I hugged her waist. “Hi babe, I missed you too. Sorry about doing it without asking you first. But when the girls pulled over and I saw which beach we were at and that you were here, I started thinking about it, and then you were so hot saving the boy, and the girls liked you so much, and they saw you flirting with me, so…” I was interrupted by a kiss. Y/n ’s lips were so soft and rough at the same time. The way she pulls me closer to her and deepens the kiss, I miss her so much.

“That’s okay honey. I loved meeting your teammates.” “What do you say about us skipping dinner? I really missed your lips...” I kissed her lips. “Your neck...” I kissed her neck, and started to touch her body. “I missed all of this, your body is perfect.” She gave a large sigh and pushed me away “Even though I would love to go to our house and make out with you for the rest of the night. I'm sure the girls wouldn’t approve of it. Let’s go, as soon as we get to dinner, sooner you can get this body.” “Nooo, I’m really regretting telling the girls today.” “The good point is that now you don’t have to sneak out anymore, you can always say you are going out with your girlfriend.” “Okay, but one last thing.” I gave her a passionate kiss, until we heard the girls yelling at us from afar. “I love you Y/n.” “I love you too Em. Now let’s go.” We intercalated our hands and walked to where the girls were waiting for us. This night was amazing and now I can say to the world that the Hot Lifeguard is mine.