#and maybe some weird trauma from my childhood bc i was painfully shy

[soupflowers]

sometimes i feel like i’m measuring the way others react, like… every good interaction is +2 hp points for our relationship, every bad interaction is -2. sometimes i look at others to try to mimic the ways that they’re genuine… because a lot of the time, even if i feel something or i want to show that i care, i don’t know how to correctly show it. sometimes i try to look at myself and my body from an outsider’s perspective to make sure i’m doing everything right, or to perceive how i come across to other people. it’s weird because i think that sometimes i’m too much and too loud and too casual and too awkward and too blunt, but at the same time i’m not outgoing enough or charismatic enough or just… idk. i don’t always feel like a real person.